This week, we're wrapping up our conversation about gaslighting.
In Part 1 of Rethinking Gaslighting, we talked about where the term "gaslighting" originated, how it's defined, and how it is now used to describe many different types of behaviors...not all of which are the same!
In this episode, we're picking up where we left off last time. Learn how the gaslight effect is actually a dynamic between two people. The gaslighter and the gaslightee both have a a role in creating gaslight effect.
The Gaslighter: "I can only feel good if the gaslightee does what pleases me"
The Gaslightee: "I can only feel good if the gaslighter is pleased with me"
The gaslighter controls & manipulates.
The gaslightee accommodates and people-pleases.
But they share the same root belief:
I can only feel good if the other person responds in the way I want.
AKA emotional Immaturity.
That's why, when we feel we are being gaslighted, even though being a gaslightee is described as being a victim, we want to start by reflecting on our half of the interaction. We can learn to become more emotionally mature.
As we learn to manage our own emotions - instead of outsourcing them to the approval of the other person - that person begins to lose their power over us.
In this episode, I shared the most important questions to ask yourself as you go through this process. You'll see how this strategy is more effective than wasting energy on judging and shaming the other person. You'll have more energy and clarity to decide what you want to do about the gaslighting relationship. You'll stop feeling like a victim. Then, we'll walk through your options to respond to gaslighting.
And whatever you decide, you'll be doing it from a place of confidence and emotional maturity. You'll be ready to have your own back, no matter what.
Take a listen, and when you are ready to apply this work to your own relationships,I can help.
Links in this episode:Rethinking narcissism episode
Waking up to narcissism podcast
Robin Stern Podcast Interview
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