By Bonnie Low-Kramen
This is an important message to the assistants and support staff of the world. We are facing a serious image problem and it is threatening the future of the profession. Here’s what I mean.
It’s happened again. You probably read the story of the Friends actor Matthew Perry’s tragic death by an overdose of the drug ketamine. He died on October 28, 2023. Only recently did the news break that it was his live-in assistant of 25 years who administered the fatal dose and he is being legally charged.
The story is still unfolding, and there are many aspects to what happened including the fact that Perry had a drug problems over several decades. As assistants, we know that there is no way for the people who closely surround a principal to not be involved in all activities, be they legal and not.
How does the celebrity assistant world impact the larger world of assistants, one might ask?
The answer has to do with the fact that plenty of the world’s assistants perform personal tasks in addition to the professional ones for their busy executives. We also know that they get asked/voluntold to perform tasks that test the ethics boundary. As a result, all assistants get lumped together into how mass media paints the picture of assistants after one of these sordid events. These characterizations shape perception in people’s minds.
The London Times asked me for a comment on Aug 22 on the Matthew Perry story. I was quoted accurately. (That isn’t always the case.) I’m also aware that the writers of articles are not the ones who write the headlines. There are people who do only that. It was the headline that hit me hard.
For celebrity flunkeys, just saying no is not an option“Flunkeys”?? I felt insulted and disrespected by this wholly inaccurate and irresponsible term. Assistants may be many things, including sometimes being people who make big mistakes and even break the law, just like people in other professions. This does not make them flunkeys.
Why is this such a big deal? Because the mass media has the power to shape perception and assistants have long suffered from a lack of respect and a clear understanding of the role because of it. It doesn’t matter that the article was factually correct. Some readers never get past the headline and that’s the only thing they remember. Words matter.
The administrative profession has lived through the 2006 film, “The Devil Wears Prada” where assistants are portrayed as beaten-down gofers. In 1980, the comedy “9 to 5” hit the screen making the point that the way to handle a misogynistic, sexist bully manager was to kidnap him and hold him hostage while the assistants take over. Interestingly, in 2024, a new documentary is coming out entitled, “Still Working 9 to 5.” The tagline for the film is, “It’s not funny anymore.” Right.
What’s the problem? The legacy of these two films, in particular, has had a lasting impact on the perception of the assistant role. At best, there are extreme mixed messages about the value of assistants.
The assistants I know all over world are most definitely not “flunkeys.” They are highly intelligent, committed women and men who hold technology certifications, sometimes college degrees, speak multiple languages, and are able to pull off miracles every day of their working lives – even at night and on their days off.
These are the people who go into the office even when they are not required to do so because their executive needs them. They do it because they are responsible professionals. During the pandemic when everyone else in the company was sent home, it was the sole assistant who would go into the office to take care of things. After all, someone needed to do it. They are the ones who set their alarms for the middle of the night to check on their executive’s flight in another part of the world. They go above and beyond every day. This is not just a job to them. It is a career. It is a calling for a special breed of people.
The RealityThe reality of the role is that the people who work in support of their executives possess high EQ, and are resourceful and resilient. Their job is to do whatever it takes to get the job done. They understand that they are in the “yes” business. Many assistants in 2024 are earning six figure salaries and are worth every penny and pound and every currency there is.
And, whether they work with a celebrity or a corporate executive, sometimes they are asked to do/voluntold to do/demanded to do tasks that cross ethical lines. Yes, that happens.
It’s Personal. I was one of those assistants for 25 years to Oscar-winning actress Olympia Dukakis. I know what it feels like to be asked to do something you are not at all sure you can do – like get a police escort on a Saturday afternoon – and actually do it. I was no flunkey.
I can tell you that there are plenty of examples of assistants, like me, who work with their managers in healthy partnerships over a long period of time. However, those stories do not tend to hit the mass media. Stories about healthy partnerships are not as sexy and sensational as the toxic ones and do not get social media attention which is why the world does not hear about them.
So, this issue is personal. In 2024, assistants report that managers say disparaging, demeaning, disrespectful, and demoralizing things to them like;
Why do managers do this? In part, it is impact from the mass media perception. I also believe it is because the profession is populated by 93-97% women and in general, women have serious difficulty speaking up to these comments. No one teaches women how to do this. No one taught me until I worked with Olympia. Now I teach it.
What’s to Be Done?In the current post-pandemic workplace, the stakes are very high to compete in our demanding world. Leaders are being challenged by a tough economy and choices about how to think about and invest in AI and morphing technology.
Where do assistants fit in this picture?Assistants continue to be the backbones of companies, the right arms to their leaders, and the face of the culture. Executives still need a trusted professional by their side whose word they depend on more than a robot’s. As such, they can and must be taken seriously in playing an important role in this evolving workplace. Assistants must find the courage to speak up and have a voice at the decision-making table. They must insist on respect and acknowledgment for the very reasons they were hired in the first place. And, they cannot allow distraction by the sensational headlines about the bad behavior of a small minority to color the perception of all assistants.
I speak with assistants who are underestimated, undervalued, underpaid, and misunderstood. Too many are bullied with demeaning and diminishing language which poisons the entire workplace.
It’s time for the assistants of the world to be a part of the solution to address offensive and inaccurate characterizations of the administrative support role in collaboration with leaders, HR, and recruiters. The future of the profession depends on it.
It’s time to speak up. It’s not funny anymore. Truthfully, it never was.
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