Huberman Lab
Podcast Notes Key Takeaways * In many ways, grief is like a phantom limb – after amputation, you will feel like your limb is still there when it’s gone * Five stages of grief (non-linear & not everyone makes their way through all stages): (1) denial; (2) anger; (3) bargaining; (4) depression; (5) acceptance * People move through grief at different rates due to life circumstances, hormones, etc. * Grief is not just for people– you can be immensely attached & grieve a person, animal, or thing that is no longer in life for any reason (death, rehoming, lost object) * Grief is both a state of pain and a state of wanting which drives the activation state – we seek out how to resolve the pain * Once someone is gone, we’re put into an action state of looking for and seeking that person, expecting them to contact us or see them when we’d expect * All relationships are mapped through the brain and body through three dimensions: (1) space; (2) time; (3) closeness (emotional) * To get through grief, we have to remap our attachment– grief is the process of uncoupling and reordering our relationship from space, time, and closeness (e.g., not expecting to see them at a certain place or time) * Get close to and deliberately experience attachment to that person/object/animal – don’t distract yourself or focus on counterfactual thinking (i.e., “what ifs”) * As always, sleep is critical to regulating hormones, neuroplasticity, and setting yourself up for the healthiest overall autonomic state which will help you navigate grief (and life)
Read the full notes @ podcastnotes.org
This episode, I discuss grief and the challenges of processing losses of different kinds. I explain the biological mechanisms of grief, including how neural circuits for emotional and factual memory combine with those for love and attachment, to create feelings of absence and yearning. I discuss how grief is distinct from depression, yet why they can feel so similar. I also provide science-based tools to assist with the grieving process, including how to reframe and remap the relationship with those we have lost while still maintaining a strong emotional connection to them. I also explain the importance of having and building strong foundational psychological and biological states so that we can better cope with grief when it happens. Finally, I describe tools to adjust those states, including those for accessing sleep, managing stress and emotional swings. This episode is for those suffering from grief but also for everyone, given that we all experience grief at some point in our lives.
We recorded this episode before the recent mass shooting tragedies in the United States. While we hope the information in this episode will be of use to anyone suffering from grief of any kind and at any time, we are also careful to acknowledge that many people require additional support and resources. For that reason, we include mention of such resources and we generally hope people will access them if needed.
Thank you to our sponsors
Eight Sleep: https://www.eightsleep.com/huberman
InsideTracker: https://insidetracker.com/huberman
ROKA: https://www.roka.com/huberman
Supplements from Momentous
https://www.livemomentous.com/huberman.
For the full show notes, visit hubermanlab.com.
Timestamps
(00:00:00) Grief & Bereavement
(00:03:44) Eight Sleep, InsideTracker, ROKA
(00:08:35) Grief vs. Depression, Complicated Grief
(00:12:20) Stages of Grief, Individual Variation for Grieving
(00:16:05) Grief: Lack & Motivation, Dopamine
(00:23:15) Three Dimensions of Relationships
(00:29:52) Tool: Remapping Relationships
(00:37:15) Grief, Maintaining Emotional Closeness & Remapping
(00:44:40) Memories of Loved Ones & Remapping Attachments
(00:48:04) Yearning for Loved Ones: Memories vs. Reality, Episodic Memory
(00:51:40) Tools: Adaptively Processing Grief, Counterfactual Thinking, Phantom Limbs
(01:00:32) Tool: Remembering Emotional Connection & Processing Grief
(01:04:03) Memories, Hippocampal Trace Cells & Feeling An Absence
(01:10:14) Yearning & Oxytocin, Individualized Grief Cycles
(01:18:24) Tool: Complicated Grief & Adrenaline (Epinephrine)
(01:24:37) Sentimental Attachment to Objects
(01:26:13) Why do Some People Grieve More Quickly? Individual Attachment Capacity
(01:29:42) “Vagal Tone,” Heart Rate, Breathwork & Grief Recovery
(01:42:32) Complicated Grief & Cortisol Patterns
(01:48:50) Tool: Improving Sleep & Grieving
(01:54:28) Tools: Grief Processing & Adaptive Recovery
(02:03:36) Zero-Cost Support, YouTube Feedback, Spotify & Apple Reviews, Sponsors, Momentous Supplements, Instagram, Twitter, Neural Network Newsletter
Title Card Photo Credit: Mike Blabac
Disclaimer