Starting Conversations: Recent Episodes
adithio
This collection of recordings offer as a supporting material to photographer, Adithio Noviello's photo series "Starting Conversations".
It offers a collection of personal stories from people who suffer from a wide range of anxiety disorders and depression. The idea is to meet subjects, one to one with the photographer and to converse candidly about the struggles they face every day.
This series also offers a personal form of communication and/or reflection between the subject and the photographer, who himself suffers daily from severe anxiety.
I met Hannah when we both worked in Bali and we became good friends since then. She reached out after suffering from anxiety and eating disorders starting from an early age.
This session was recorded via Zoom during the Covid-19 pandemic.
Timestamps:
00:00 - Taking away the stigma
03:40 - Panic attacks and eating disorders
09:40 - the event is never worse than your anxiety leading up to it.
13:00 - A battle with myself during my first pregnancy
26:00 - Covid-19 in Bali
33:40 - Being a role model for my kids.
Sabreen reached out to talk about her going through a divorce which sparked her mental health struggles compounded by her battle with with MS.
This was recorded via Zoom during the Covid-19 Pandemic.
Timestamps:
00:00 - Going through a divorce
07:50 - What happens when I’m at my worst and suffering from MS
17:05 - My faith
35:30 - Writing is my outlet
Elisha reached out after hearing about the project from a mutual friend. She talks about her extreme case of Obsessive compulsive disorder and struggles for maintaining friendships.
Timestamps:
00:00 - A difficult year/ bullying /university life. 07:35 - Religion/the first anxiety attack. 14:38 - Family with an old fashioned way of thinking / losing friends. 18:12 - OCD / suicidal thoughts. 31:50 - Praying over therapy / having an open mind / survival.
Laura reached out to speak about her abusive childhood which she endured from her father. Since then, she is adapting slowly to life with PTSD, PBD and depression.
Timestamps:
00:00 - Why I reached out.
01:20 - A very rough childhood / an abusive dad
06:28 - Struggles / my problems during diagnosis / borderline personality disorder
11:35 - Medication / masking the problem
13:40 - Self harming
17:30 - I scared my GP / finding my step
25:45 - Post traumatic stress / terrified of men shouting
29:00 - Criticism crushes me / Why do people like me?
34:40 - Connection with my childhood
43:00 - Trying to find a good memory
Meredith and Matthew spoke about trying to past the negatives surrounding Matthew's leukaemia diagnosis by building a home and finding stability.
Timestamps:
00:00 - Why I participated / doing things myself. 10:00 - Matt’s cancer diagnosis. 19:28 - Trying to look past the negative / finding stability. 25:56 - Trying to be positive every time / living with the diagnosis 29:00 - Trying to be strong but it is tiring and isolating / worrying about what would happen / getting through each tests. 38:50 - Maybe this is my punishment / being dealt with the 'good' cancer card. 46:38 - Being sociable helps.
Tasnia spoke at length about her traumatic childhood and about her struggling to adapt to her Borderline Personality Disorder.
Timestamps:
00:00 - Borderline Personality Disorder diagnosis / THAT night / the sense of calm. 12:34 - The process of seeking help. 16:40 - An abusive upbringing / cultural attitudes towards mental health. 25:55 - Finding it difficult to do things other people find simple. 33:17 - Being open with other people / forgiving mum. 41:38 - Becoming victims to our ghosts / being very careful about who you let in to your life. 46:22 - Plans for the future / being hopeful.
Darius spoke about eloquently about depression in a man’s world, living with Vitiligo and seeking help after weeks of not taking care of himself.
Timestamps:
00:00 - Interactions with the public while having Vitiligo. 5:00 - Depression / the ‘Black Cloud’. 12:30 - Being a depressed ‘man’ / the power of words and phrases. 18:00 Feeling the guilt. 24:00 - Feeling angry when your friend's aren’t there. 31:36 - Therapy / seeking acknowledgement / social media. 41:00 - What made me seek help / finding an outlet. 45:00 - Acceptance. 52:26 - Main victories.
Quinton, a Musician, reached out through a mutual friend's facebook post about this project. He talks about his problems about dealing with his mental state combined with the loss of loved ones.
Timestamps:
00:00 - Pivotal moments in a short space of time / Sitting in the background / Clinical depression. 11:00 - 4 bereavements in 3 years / Playing music when he was dying / Breaking down at work. 18:40 - Told not to do anything / Losing my dad / Grief. 34:00 - Turning point / Social interactions / Feeling unwanted. 40:00 - Seeking help / Panic attacks at presentations / Support systems. 51:15 - Finally picking up my guitar again.
Marion, a Graphic Designer, talks to about her way of dealing with her past with her own techniques.
Timestamps:
00:00 - Work and switching off. 06:40 - Life in London / Losing my uncle / Not wanting to go to school. 11:40 - Panic attacks / Developing rashes / Hereditary. 19:00 - Putting too much on my friend. 24:20 - Separation anxiety. 30:55 - Homeopathy and Psychotherapy / Changing the words I use. 36:00 - Plants over pills / Rescue spray.
Joe reached out as a way to do something new. He speaks about his frustrations for over thinking.
Timestamps:
02:12 - Forced myself to do things / No one is exactly the same. 09:08 - Mental exhaustion is worse than physical exhaustion. 11:57 - I talk too much. 13:45 - Rarely think about self harm, but it does cross your mind. 16:27 - It's would be easier if you talk. 19:43 - Overthinking. 23:50 - Things that set me off. 27:25 - It comes out of nowhere. 31:27 - No one cares if you go the wrong direction. 36:48 - Trying to switch off. 48:10 - You have to take the piss out of yourself / pick your battles.
Oliver spoke about his year away from work which turned into a nightmare and how he copes with his mental health and spreading awareness as a journalist and broadcaster with Citywire Financial Publishers.
Timestamps:
0:00 - Why I'm participating. 4:20 - Diagnosed with Crohn's disease / living in Germany / being suicidal. 10:14 - Day to Day anxiety / imposter syndrome. 15:20 - Self sabotage. 18:35 - Emotional intelligence vs Emotional maturity. 28:12 - Photographic memory / the search for clarity. 34:26 - Chairing events on mental health. 37:02 - Knowing what the signs are / coaching yourself / medication. 45:50 - Finding hope in created situations.
Katja spoke about her anxiety, trauma and being a mother to her two children.
Timestamps
0:00 - Why I participated. 4:40 - Therapy. 6:42 - How it started. 10:54 - It became normal. 13:30 - Stomach problems linked with anxiety. 15:50 - General anxiety disorder. 19:50 - When you have kids / they became my priority. 24:13 - Post natal anxiety. 29:06 - CBT. 34:00 - Less time to reflect, when you have kids. 38:13 - Triggers. 42:10 - Recent fear of flying. 46:00 - Always learning to deal with it.
In part 1 of this episode. Anti and Remi spoke about mental health in different cultures, the past and present and supporting each-other in their marriage.
Timestamps:
00:00 - Suicide attempt. 05:00 - Time to feel heard. 16:00 - A shot of vodka before therapy. 18:00 - Characteristics of Borderline Personality Disorder.
In part 1 of this episode. Anti and Remi spoke about mental health in different cultures, the past and present and supporting each-other in their marriage.
Timestamps:
01:40 - Indonesian's attitude towards mental health. 05:20 - Accumulating trauma . 11:40 - Support system. 14:30 - Overdose. 19:15 - The problem with medication. 21:00 - Private therapy. 22:13 - Borderline Personality disorder. 32:56 - Outcast. 37:10 - Overcoming anxiety. 41:29 - Supplements / Happy Hormones / spirituality. 52:27 - I couldn't cry for a longtime.
Davinia and Adithio dived deep into each other's personal struggles and spoke about how Davinia copes with life, work and depression.
Timestamps:
01:08 - I felt a connection. 03:25 - Diagnosed with depression. 06:53 - Bullying. 09:30 - An outlet. 14:02 -Fighting with yourself. 16:01 - Small victories. 20:25 - I'm not good enough. 26:05 - Feeling exposed. 30:42 - Coming off medication. 35:58 - Dark places and guilt. 42:50 - The job was my catalyst.
Alexandra talked about her struggles during and after her PHD studies.
Timestamps:
00:00 - Revelation . 03:53 - Cultural. 07:54 - Talking to the family about anxiety. 14:01 - Education / self confidence. 20:15 - Therapy. 25:27 - Understanding yourself. 27:23 - Tango / legitimising the right to live. 32:00 - Being responsible / creating boundaries. 36:05 - Comfort zone versus personal space. 42:00 - My worst. 46:55 - Hopeful / embracing anxiety.