Composed: Recent Episodes
Chase Bernstein
Comedian Chase Bernstein tackles the minutiae of everyday life with humor, honesty and a splash of rage; delving into daring and unprecedented topics such as: People Who Stay Until the End Of The Credits in a Movie, and People Who Are Nowhere To Be Found When It's Their Turn In Bowling. The episodes may take some wild turns, but no matter how crazy things get, Chase is at the wheel, and she's always... composed.
Potentially the rarest footage ever extracted, recorded on the penultimate day of March... 2025. Yes, you read that right. A stint in Big Bear, a crucial Harry Potter reference and a beautiful moment with Helena, my angel Queen. Enjoy.
A dilemma regarding the fate of my black, vintage Levi's jeans. A controversial orange juice take as well as the fact that... I've been bit. G to be back.
https://youtu.be/8dpqzO4jGg8
An unprecedented stint at the Apple store in Corte Madera as well as a rollercoaster ride of a Meyer lemon offering. Rated W for wild.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bPNX2qm22B4
One of the wildest day in global history, recorded on the final day of September (2025) no less.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VLjPhQUWGco
Not only are we not talking about the discontinuation of pennies enough, we're not talking about it all... until now. All that plus the unprecedented purchase of two wildly different pairs of shoes and some Nuggets discourse for good measure.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SkQYwAym9Yg
If you've ever been on the receiving end of a mispackaged mist... this one's for you. Trust that there's a perfect moment for everything and that includes picking up seven pairs of underwear from Bloomingdale's. God bless.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hlhc0vnBiUw
Getting my period/ being recruited to protect a resting monk seal/ operating a motor vehicle whilst in none other than Hawaii. The vibes are immaculate.
The book referenced is "Inner Excellence" by Jim Murphy
The end of Tik Tok and the beginning of a phenomenal/discounted hot chocolate. The end of the Nuggets- the beginning of a new era. Thank you to everyone who listened, rated, reviewed and subscribed. We'll always have musical interludes.
The legend that already is episode 152 was recorded mere minutes after absorbing one of the most underwhelming instances of hot chocolate I've participated in thus far and yet it didn't stop me from pouring my heart into recounting the journey that was acquiring my new phone from a freshly opened Verizon store. All this plus the brutal honesty of Reddit.
An unprecedented gas station/ car wash, a tire situation and an index card conundrum. Honestly I inspired myself upon listening back on the glorious episode that is episode 150.
A frayed cord upgrade, driving around in silence, time is an illusion plus remembering a raspberry vanilla swirl frozen yogurt. You know, the usual.
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An exhilarating trip to Staples, making eye contact with James Harden, plus forgiving everyone except James Harden for being so iconic. Nothing but the best for episode 149.
https://open.substack.com/pub/chasebernstein/p/as-it-were?r=19m396&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web&showWelcomeOnShare=true
A Duolingo math confession, an external hard drive purchase, a hike in the rain, terabytes. Episode 148, anyone?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l0biIAApETo
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The altitude is high and so is my opinion on mini altoids. My journey with gum is assessed as well as a brief thought on fiberglass. No words were minced or diced in episode 147.
If it seems like I just found an injured woodpecker and drove it to a rehabilitation center in Calabasas it's because I just did.
Recorded on the brink of purchasing a dry brush from Etsy, episode 145 delves into habits, water fountains, warped floors and Denver Nuggets parallels. MVP me.
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n1jG09cGjM8
Need I say more?
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wAdlxSbmTRc
Three unearthed crystals. Two hike related narratives, one glistening black Italian greyhound plus a ladybug inundation. Como se dice, we're back.
Slipping into the new year equipped with Super Duolingo, and two days of French under my belt... truly a high like no other. A tiktok shop hesitation, a free croissant from Starbucks, plus a Pinkberry Rite/Aid dissertation. Typing this having read 46 books last year and sans a shred of jewelry, you'll understand soon enough.
I've recovered from an illness just in time to enjoy the exotic festivities of Hanukkah as well as partake in an unhinged bagel exchange whilst knee deep into a migraine. The aforementioned carbohydrates undoubtedly gave me the fuel I needed to cover such topics as: Going to a party alone, a candle miscalculation, and a vicious tirade against footnotes and technology. They say people start slowing down in December, which is funny... because I'm just starting to ramp up.
Sipping a glass of frothy chocolate milk, as I put the finishing touches on episode 140, in which Black Friday is ripped to shreds, my digital vision board is live, a sub par Thanksgiving salad plus "the vanilla to end all vanillas." Don't fight it.
What am I grateful for? Well, let's see... I'm grateful to be celebrating my one year Duolingo anniversary, I'm grateful for the woman at the grocery store who was on my level, and I'm grateful for my hair length epiphany. What I'm not grateful for is the fact that I was never a camp counselor, that I don't actively own a clipboard, and Nikola Jokic being ejected before halftime of the Nuggets Pistons game. Happy Thanksgiving everyone, please pass the crescent rolls.
By the time you read this there will be 47 days left in the calendar year, and unlike Marie Condo, we're not jumping ship. Rather, we're emulating the Nuggets in their jaw dropping win over the New Orleans Pelicans last week. If the Pelicans weren't on the endangered species list, they're all but extinct now. Typing this with the freshest hair trim this side of the Mississippi... the other side as well.
Halloween etiquette, a car wash, a dog at the door, a fabric shaver, John Steinbeck, dolphins, turtles and my dad's Barnes and Noble gift card... which of these things don't belong? Trick question, they all do, to episode 137. Enjoy.
Comedian Chase Bernstein tackles the minutiae of everyday life in a stream of consciousness filled with humor, observation and a splash of rage. While we love to think life is defined by the big events, ultimately it's the trips to CVS, Trader Joe's, and the special yet forgotten interactions in between that comprise our days. Chase is here to celebrate the subtleties through a genuine and hilarious lens. As one listener put it, "What's the show about? Nothing. Everything. Wow." While another said, "This podcast is ridiculous and I cannot stop listening!" So what do you have to lose? Nothing. Everything.
This week's installment was recorded with extra eyelashes from my sister's wedding, a place where my mom lost an earring... or did she? All this plus, doing things poolside, nightmares and corn pancakes. Honestly unreal I'm still recording episodes.
Recording episode 134 from the depths of my dad's gazebo, sans my glass coffee table (you'll understand soon enough) was not for the faint of heart. Then again neither were the topics touched upon: an excruciating post office experience, surprise parties plus a recounted Trader Joe's interaction that will leave you shaken.
Plus the emotional rollercoaster of meeting Bill Simmon's during the peak hours of the Lions Gate portal.
Uni Body Serum Code: CHASEBERNSTEIN
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Recorded in a red cashmere sweater and driven by the momentum of rising in the ranks of Duo Lingo's obsidian league, episode 132 has arrived. Suitcase regrets, bracing for Disneyland, plus a shocking live reaction that will shake you to your very core. Grab some headphones, lay down in a dark room, and enjoy.
There's 100 days left in the year and what's not on the agenda is being scammed by someone named Tomothy, brown butter lattes or hand sand art. What is on the agenda? Books, ballet and channeling the Denver Nuggets tenacity vs. the Golden State Warriors in the Monte Morris buzzer beater game on Februrary 16th, 2022.
Jolie Shower Head Code: jolieskinco.com/chasebernstein
A harrowing recap of my In N Out employment journey, a nutless Rocky Road (not a metaphor) plus one of the most unsatisfying meals of my life and the age old question; Who is Desiree? All will be revealed in episode 130.
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Zebra print, August, downloading the Jamba Juice app, what more you could want from episode 129 I'm not sure.
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A tropical storm ushers in heavy rain as well as episode 128, and the topics are pouring in in the form of: The case for smaller museums, a top 5 waiter, rehashing the Naked juice scandal, and getting dressed. A poncho won't save you now.
It's the three year anniversary of the podcast and confessions are made. Many questioned whether I'd make it this far, and yet, here I am, absolutely taking deep dish pizza to task whilst recounting an exceptional encounter with a starbucks employee. Plus, a tortuous, commercial ridden Spotify experience, and I debut a song. Don't ever let anyone tell you what you can't do. Thank you to everyone who listens and supports <3
Episode 126 is a hearty meal featuring notes of the excitement one can only feel before taking in Taylor Swift live in concert, with notes of Bulgarian yogurt and a potentially groundbreaking observation re: caterpillars/ butterflies. We will not be offering dessert as there will be absolutely no room.
Fresh off another emotional stint at Enterprise Rent-A-Car, reeling from visually drinking in thousands of caterpillars, smelling incredible via some new scents, and finishing Sopranos in its entirety, I give you... episode 125.
Recorded on the precipice of receiving yet another rental car... In the present of havoc reeking parrot interruptions, and a few weeks past 7/11 free slurpee day- episode 124 is already shattering records. Greedy for more accolades, 124 also touches on the Barbie movie, sand dollars, and Uruguay.
A fireworks epiphany, not being in denial about the weather, a powerful Mendocino Farms lesson, outdated agendas, two parents named Stacey... you know who's not on summer break? Episode 123.
Recorded hours before a 4th of July Beach Boys concert plus fireworks extravaganza so needless to say but I guess I'll go ahead and say it anyways... emotions are running rampant. As if this wasn't enough: Being upgraded at Jamba Juice, a Sunday wedding, a fresh interlude, and gelato. There's no need to taste a sample, just commit to the unique flavor that is episode 122.
A self proclaimed genius combination, a black and white dog not named Oreo, and the concept of a book heating up late... if it feels like I'm typing this within three hours of seeing a coyote in the wild it's because I have.
Dolphins, jellyfish, a guitar interlude for the ages plus the Denver Nuggets are NBA champions ergo, I'm an NBA champion... feels right.
A not so kind tirade against Kind bars, my mom and her friend Kim's yard sale, a benefit, an underwater related news story plus a shocking confession.
Snakes, flags, french toast, Jerry, stepping down into a shower... a memorial day weekend for the ages.
Dinner places that don't take reservations, a room temperature soup situation plus Darwinism.
Episode 115 descends upon us like a foreign exchange student transferring mid semester, where from... we don't know. What we do know is that much like the Golden State Warriors, the dynasty of my go to Zara heels has ended, there's a new bronzing mist in my life, and I simply can't stop eating Trader Joe's chili onion crunch. There's a lot of podcasts out there, but none moving the needle forward like this.
I'm back from Palm Springs and I might, emphasis on MIGHT, find the strength to make a homemade lip scrub. The NBA playoffs have me thinking, all this plus hummingbirds.
All's quiet on the Western front, but on the Eastern front? May(hem). A trip to The Magic Castle, a bloc party, and the post office take place. The predominately white with black patches neighborhood cat and my bucket hat from London have reappeared. Plus a relatable packing mistake.
If you ever want to spiral into a sea of unwavering darkness, be sure to rent a silver Toyota Carola (year unknown but I'm sure it was a hellish one) from Enterprise Rent-A-Car in Van Nuys. Only then will you understand the demonic trance that took me for most of April. Once you emerge, topics you might want to discuss will be: Heardle, oil pulling, and my voiceover debut in HBO Max's, Fired On Mars,streaming now. This wasn't the episode 112 I wanted but perhaps it's the one we deserve.
Fueled by several granola bars and recorded at my dad's house, episode 111 covers an impressive amount of ground in the form of a solo shrimp taco experience in Malibu as well as a situation at an Enterprise Rent A Car. If that doesn't peak your interest, not sure what will.
It's episode 110 and we find ourselves downtown surrounded by cyclists and one way streets (not a metaphor). A passage is read, a saxophone break is taken, a brief expose on an amazon gift card gone wrong is held. How all of this fits into 40 minutes is something scientists will surely study for years to come.
My hair is snipped and my tide pen is still absent, nevertheless we soldier on with a Wordle update plus illuminating thoughts on balloons, Kacey Musgraves and Dua Lipa. Dua yourself a favor and surrender to the artist formerly known as episode 109.
It's episode 108 and the cat's out of the bag. "What kind of cat?" You wonder aloud, a calico but it doesn't matter and we have to keep moving because the final season of Succession is approaching, my time with Andre Agassi's book has caused an emotional racket, and I have no idea where my tide pen is... Please keep me in your prayers if you get a chance.
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Halt the presses- "Which presses?!" You ask frantically, "All of them," I cooly reply... Brent Weinbach is in studio and nothing is off the table: Eggs, montages, Creed 3, which Ninja Turtle are you? All discussed whilst trying to eliminate the word "like" from my vocabulary, extremely Leonardo of me.
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A risky not to mention impromptu eyebrow threading, a bedazzled Jesus loves you hat...all whilst on the precipice of the impending shift that is daylight saving(s) time. Go ahead and put away the games because episode 106 did not come to play.
My journalism skills continue to flourish, this time in the presence of a Blue Mercury employee amidst a power outage. Rain, toothpaste, a forgotten artichoke, there's really only one place to get all of this, and it just happens to be right here... in episode 105.
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Vibrating restaurant holders, a perplexing addition to Mendocino Farms, allergies, recounting a past voyage to San Diego, a profound take on Rihanna's halftime performance... incredible that after all that I still have the strength to whip up this description.
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Weekday piñatas, iCloud storage or rather lack thereof, and a devastating lentil dish all whilst reeling from hosting a yard sale plus bracing for Rihanna's half time performance. It truly does go one by one even two by two.
Powered by the fuel of a life changing Mendocino's salad, Chase finds the energy to take illuminating stances on topics such as: Sunday parking meters, The Grammy's, CBS (the channel), and lest we forget robes.
A gifted Crock Pot has me questioning everything, I'm borderline too enlightened, plus a Disney World story I never asked for. All this plus more, made possible by episode 101's official sponsor- Magic Mind.
Feel free to use my code COMPOSED20 for up to 56% off your first subscription at Magic Mind in the next 10 days and 20% off your one time purchase at MAGIC MIND dot CO slash COMPOSED,and used code COMPOSED20.
It's episode 100 and I have a meeting in Malibu. Shoutout to everyone on this journey with me.
Taking two slices of cake through airport security, opting out, Duolingo, in flight edibles... the captain aka me has actually turned off the seatbelt sign because this ride is going to be smooth as all hell.
Amongst other things, the new year ushers in episode 98. A planner update, baked goods from a seaside town, as well as extensive umbrella diatribe are all on the table. Speaking of tables, yours is ready. Have a seat, take a load off.
The unfurling of my vine (not a metaphor) trapped in my garage (also not a metaphor) mayhem in the Von's parking lot (not that you thought it was but just to be clear, not a metaphor) all this plus setting the table for 2023. Let's dine.
Episode 95 is leaving no stones unturned. "What stones?" You may be asking yourselves, and not that it's any of your business but examples of the aforementioned stones are: A churro alternative, a live reaction to the Avatar 2 trailer, as well as finding out my neighbor's last name.
A pre Thanksgiving spread including but not limited to: a catastrophic reorganization of my apps (not a metaphor), an impassioned rant regarding herbs, an appearance at a tennis club, endless hot chocolate, astro turf. Pray you saved room for dessert but absolutely not legally responsible if you didn't.
Episode 92 comes barrelling down the highway carrying precious cargo in the form of riveting topics such: a calligraphy tutorial gone wrong, oatmeal, and seasons- recorded mere days after all my taste buds were eradicated at the hand of a tempting, fresh batch of turkey chili... aye dios mio.
Episode 91 finds me fresh off a stint in La Jolla that came with many highs in the form of electricity that only a quaint seaside town can provide, as well as lows including but not limited to: an icy smoothie, a missed opportunity for a stretch, and a dressing room with no mirror. Typing this with shorn nails... tragically you'll understand soon enough.
If you're looking for a light listen, episode 90 is not for you... tendentious topics explored include: a regional soy sauce shortage, a sub par candle selection, all culminating in a visit to the gold member's lounge at the newly renovated Citibank, as well as an anti climatic return to Barnes and Noble. If you're in a stable place in your life and can handle the chaos that is episode 90, come on in, and if not... we'll catch you on the next one.
Based on zero evidence, I feel as though most podcasts phone it in for episode 89, and listen... I get it. It's not episode 90 and lord knows it isn't 100, but that's just it, it's episode 89. It's not some huge landmark, not some big to do. It's casual, informal; let's change into pajamas and order some pizza, and sometimes? Those are the nights you remember. No, this episode 89 is not lackluster, in fact, it's full of luster, positively glistening with banter covering topics such as Citi Bank renovations, a transformative trip to Barnes and Noble, as well as essentially being an accomplice to a crime. Knock knock. Who is it? It's episode 89, and not only am I not phoning it in... I'm showing up on your door step. Come on in...
92
An uninspired parking lot tangent, a deep dive on a trunk issue, a disappointing juice purchase, going through customs at London Heathrow. In short, a slay.
If anyone needs me during episode 87, I'll be on nextdoor app... any questions? Didn't think so.
Episode 86 finds us three weeks into an emotional plantain chip cleanse, being in London when the Queen passed, and welcoming Werther's back into the conversation. All this plus alfalfa sprouts, a potentially problematic wheat grass shot, and not letting the concept of rain deter you- what does that mean? Guess you'll have to listen to find out. Ciao.
An unexpected trip to Westfield Century City (not sponsored) is afoot and emotions are running high.
A kitten named Gigi, a chocolate croissant excursion, as well as other sizzling observations.
Waking up dizzy will not stop me from recording episode 83 nor will it stop me from facilitating a live watermelon slicing... throw in an Aunty Ann cameo and we've got ourselves a short, as well as extremely sweet episode.
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"Where's episode 82?!" The townspeople cried, most of them in absolute hysterics. With earth shattering topics such as: a barnes and noble gift card, eating a lobster roll on a beach in rhode island, and volleyball... can you blame them? Oh, and you can call off the search party; the townspeople ending up finding episode 82... in their hearts. Good morning.
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Episode 81, anyone? On the docket: becoming a member at Gap, books, and a mobile check deposit journey, which has honestly yet to be completed. Plus an encore involving the heavenly event that was dining at a new sweetgreen location. Blessed to have a platform.
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Emojis in emails, being a really good skier, a deep dive on Quaker Oats Oatmeal flavors in which I nearly drowned, plus being an official affiliate for Odacite skincare along with my electric code CHASE15. God is good and so is episode 80.
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When Ahamed and I met doing open mics in 2012, there was no way for us to possibly know that a mere 10 years later we would collaborate on what we now know of as episode 79. Absolutely zero ways to understand that we would be discussing enrapturing topics such as: buying stuff in another city, root canals, and water. Positively impossible that we could perceive of us playing several rounds of Wordle... without ever visiting the Wordle website. But that's the thing about time. We didn't know need to know. We know now. Enjoy.
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Had no idea I was going to be this hydrated for episode 78 but at the same time it makes so much sense. My unprecedented levels of hydration gave me the boost I needed to tackle mesmerizing topics such as: My mom's hula hoop, Stranger Things, Subway, the concept of reserved parking. Polishing off the last sips of my Hydro Flask (20 oz) as I type this...
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100%... the amount of energy i'm giving to episode 77. 43%... the amount CVS is giving me off one item of my choice. All that, plus: an eyelash curler emergency, an emotional plant purchase, and several chaotic parking meter instances. You're welcome.
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After a brief hiatus, zero time is wasted getting back into sizzling topics such as: the parking situation at my old stomping grounds aka pop physique, and getting a spray tan in Glendale. Something to keep in mind during episode 76... I'm on one.
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Reporting live from the W Hotel in Hollywood with a headset mic and I've never felt more alive. It's May 1st and I've already found the strength to do a live swag bag unboxing in a black tube top, as well as escort myself to Pavilions with wet hair. "Shoot for the stars, so if you fall... you land on the rooftop of the W Hotel recording a live podcast for Netflix Is A Joke: The Festival surrounded by one guy named Jake and two named John." Electric.
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Happy birthday to the twins I went to Hebrew school with. The story behind one of my most risqué journalism pieces. Construction at my mom's house. Juice, and my impression of Amanda Seyfried's impression of Elizabeth Holmes. Unlike the container store- episode 74 cannot be contained.
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My CVS coupons are BACK. Plus- a new shelf situates itself in my life, what to do with free time, the NBA playoffs, the concept of being a chemist... all discussed while my hair is peaking and my leg hurts. Episode 73!
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I find the best episodes are recorded fresh off a stint in Cabo, and episode 72 is no exception. A new plantain chip enters the arena, the concept of starting a new book before you've finished the one you're reading absolutely barrels into the chat. Accidentally free form rock climbing as well as nightly planks, I mean wow- this episode is reminiscent of the crust at Domino's... stuffed.
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Episode 71 comes in pouring... rain. A trying time at the Kreation Buy one get one event nearly sends me over the edge but luckily I'm able to grab onto the ledge of the cliff with one hand and hoist myself back onto steady ground. Phew. Plus- not using carts at the grocery store, doing opposites... honestly nothing I type in this box could ever communicate the electricity that is episode 71.
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Episode 70 finds us stranded in the desert sans chapstick, as well as being on the phone with Supercuts... nothing short of a banger.
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Cancel every plan you've ever had- an earth shattering round of Three Up, Three Down is afoot.
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Episode 68 finds us back at the Honda Service Center where tensions and oil are running high. Doesn't really make sense but also, you get it. As if that's not enough- water fountains and unnecessary umbrellas are touched upon. Call the lord and tell him to take the day off... because I'm doing his work.
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Lizzy Ann Cooperman graces the studio armed with nothing but her natural charisma, where together, she and Chase recount the heroic journey that has been their experience with the Hollywood Reservoir. If you're looking for an upright stone i'm afraid you won't find one... because they were all left unturned.
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The perils of packing, a rogue Michelada, a braided bun (an award winning haiku as well as the description for episode 66)
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An overdue campaign against Altoids. A controversial take on Cheer. Panic attacks at the Rose Bowl flea market. The Super Bowl. Say what you will about episode 65 but at the end of the day it's not lacking in bowls...
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"Oh wow, that smells phenomenal... what are you cooking up?" - You
"Oh this? It's episode 64 with comedian Josh Martin, and it's ready to serve." - Me
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Episode 63 is alive and well with the wherewithal to tackle captivating topics such as but not limited to: Orange juice, the Shake Shack app, taking pictures when you don't want to. A mid episode postal delivery paves the way for a live unboxing the likes of which the airwaves have never experienced. Enchanté February... Enchanté.
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Welcome to Composed with Chase Bernstein. Strap in for the ride of several lifetimes.
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Disrespecting the Big 5 parking lot, the concept of bells chiming on the hour, aprons: Episode 62 didn't come here to make friends... it came here to make soulmates.
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Chase fantasizes about being a restaurant owner in Miami, the stigma of ordering decaf coffee, a coat update, a much needed slurpee, and a perilous journey with SeatGeek... pray you're fully hydrated for episode 61.
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Chase grapples with her lack of outerwear, a stranger's disregard for societal order, and dates (the fruit). .. a fruitful ep indeed.
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Rubik's cubes, magic eyes, a revolutionary trip to drybar... episode 58 did not come to play.
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A harrowing story about wrangling Hanukkah candles, Salt Lake City, a questions segment- Episode 57 leaves no stone unturned.
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"Your past does not equal your future." - Tony Robbins. With that in mind please enjoy episode 56 aka the future.
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Episode 55 comes barreling down the highway doing 95 mph bearing revelations regarding: Popsockets, Tony Robbins, Youtube, roasted potatoes, and Vanessa Hudgens. An update on the highly anticipated succulent sale and lord help us... much more.
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Paperweights, the marathon, one way streets, slowing down but also speeding up... this is, episode 54.
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Pumpkin carving, a car wash story... episode 53 really has it all.
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52 episodes are upon us. Many doubted this day would ever come, but today history proves them wrong. In addition to being misguided in their thinking, they could have never predicted episode 52 would encompass such undaunted topics such as but not limited to: Umbrella etiquette, an exclusive chicken soup recipe, a drive thru cardinal sin, the string in sweatshirts, as well as an ode to Camila Cabello's Tiny Desk performance. Never.
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The quest for a signature scent is taken to unprecedented heights, a potentially polarizing stance is taken regarding succulents, and an unforgettable appearance at the 3rd street promenade. All this and more in a little thing called episode 51.
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Episode 50 has arrived in which, the quest for a signature scent continues, sizzling Ojai tips are distributed, and Aaron Paul and his wife find their way back in my life.
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Episode 49 is like room temperature butter perfectly spread on a piece of french baguette fresh out of the oven, and if you don't understand what that means I really can't help you. Ace Hotel sheets are praised while the perfume industry is eviscerated. A tale of two cats is finally shared, and if that doesn't entice you I'm not sure what will. RSVP "YES" to episode 49.
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Chase finds the strength to dust off her Magazine Journalism degree for episode 48, and with her credentials in order, takes to an undisclosed Coffee Bean location to get to the bottom of the numerous as well as unsettling, store closures. A potentially 6 month old exposé on hot chocolate is finally released, and the Hollywood and Silverlake reservoirs are ripped to shreds. Shreds.
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The first half of episode 47 was recorded in an absolute haze of sage smoke, and yet by the grace of God, redactions were able to be made, new license plates were able to be celebrated, an edge of your seat tale about taking a picture of a stranger on a hike was able to be told. "Don't limit your challenges. Challenge your limits." - Anonymous but probably Emilio Estevez
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Fresh off the East Coast, a huge announcement is made, and even bigger questions are posed, such as: What is time? Ben Affleck, window seats... all this and more in episode 46.
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The saga with Puffy Mattress continues. A lizard/snake hybrid slithers its way into my life, I got a new car and I'm going to Connecticut (unrelated). Episode 45!
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Much like the encroaching month of August, episode 44 is upon us. A brief yet memorable stint at a Dodgers game, a friend of a friend's parent's party, all accompanied by a sizzling mattress update. Unlike the mattress, do not sleep on this episode.
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A new mattress is en route, two new ice cream flavors are discovered, it's episode 43 and things are HAPPENING.
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Episode 42 treats you to my slurpee process, an exposé on jolly ranchers, as well as a beach interlude. Additionally, several bones with Honda are picked.
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Ordering at a restaurant in Joshua Tree gone awry. Disclaimer: Do not listen to this episode if you are not in the mood to have your life changed.
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Episode 40 was recorded mere hours after flying in from Denver... a feat that, to my knowledge, has never been attempted before.
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Episode 39 explores: A. The Marshall's in Joshua Tree B. Getting your eyebrows done at Sephora C. Horses D. A fitting room mystery E. All of the above
Hint: The answer rhymes with "Tea" and it's not B, C, or D.
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An emotional trip to Cold Stone's, taking a stance against gel manicures, an obsession with Jessica Simpson- this is The Real World, Episode 38.
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A legendary Talbots customer review, an office dilemma, and an Omaha temperature check (not a metaphor) Come on in... the water's fine.
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Episode 36 grapples with: Red velvet cake, falling in white sweatpants, an Ebay purchase gone awry, as well as weekends... frankly I've already said too much.
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Live from Three Rivers, California- Episode 35 has Chase realizing that woodpeckers are not getting the respect they deserve, taking a stance on ropes courses, and reflecting on her first visit back to a restaurant with a scenic view. Not for the faint of heart.
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Chase sheds a blinding light on her Hebrew school days plus more.
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Episode 33 begins with Chase daring to explore her random baseball hat collection while a listener question regarding a neighbor's freshly purchased wind chimes fuels the second half of this critically acclaimed ep.
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Been wanting to shed light on this for a minute.
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Per my lawyer, I am legally obligated to inform you that listening to this episode may result in never looking at the parking lot of Whole Foods on 3rd the same. How you proceed from here is completely up to you.
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A dry shampoo purchase, a lemon update featuring Donny Divanian, it's like... what else do you want?
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Episode 28 truly knows no bounds. A Nextdoor app lemon situation is afoot, while an unprecedented Instagram poll begs the question: Do you write in all caps and if so what is your occupation?" The answers will shock you to your very core.
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You ease your grip on the wheel of your '98 Ford Explorer as your eyes drink in the endless miles of highway stretched out before you. Undaunted, you coast on; hours and towns slipping away like sand in the wind. You pull off on a tiny dirty road, your thirst begging to be quenched. A quaint, mom and pop convenience shop stands before you and you graze the barrels of fresh jerky before ultimately settling on an ice cold root beer. You pop the top off a Barq's, and take a meaningful swig before arriving at the register. "Can I get a pack of smokes?" You ask the weathered man behind the counter. He obliges. "That'll be $6.48," he announces softly. "What's this town called anyways?" You ask him while peeling off a five and two one's from the bundle of cash in your pocket. His eyes come alive and he tips his cap, "Welcome to Goof City."
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The sky is draped in orange and purple, and the warm, desert wind wraps around you like the promise of a thousand tomorrows. The air is electrifying in its stillness, tinged with charcoal and the sense of forgotten dreams, and for just a moment you start to see it all for what it really is. You take a pull of something strong because maybe you don't want to see it that clearly, but as you tilt your head back something catches your eye. A slip of paper flaps wildly, fighting against the strength of the branches within whose arms it is caught. You walk towards it, led by a force unseen but not unfelt, the dirt road crunching beneath you. You gently unhook the paper just as the winds pick up, holding on tightly as if whatever is written on the paper is the missing piece, the string that ties it all together. You unfold the note and as you read the words, the sparkle that's been missing for so many years returns to your eyes for hope has been restored. "Well I'll be god damned." You murmur to yourself, then repeat the words aloud to no one but the wind, "It's Episode 26 aka Dear People Who Don't Crack Their Knuckles."
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“Tell me and I forget, teach me and I may remember, involve me and I learn.” - Benjamin Franklin. Ever heard of him? Episode 25 is here in the form of an ode to electricity inspired by the true events of a neighborhood power outage moments before a highly anticipated Twitch show. I suppose you could make this stuff up but why would you want to?
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Venmo gets absolutely torched while the dalmatian community gets a formal apology... welcome to February.
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It's a brisk January morning and you've just docked your boat in the wharf. The fresh, salty, air fills yours lungs as you drink in the horizon. "Never gets old," you murmur to yourself, "never gets old." The smell of good coffee lingers in the distance... the promise of bacon and toast not far off. You glance down at the water and see something stuck behind a local rock. "What in the?" You ask yourself. You gingerly bend down to pick it up, and it's only until you get closer that it dawns on you; it's a message in a bottle. You carefully extract the tiny scroll from its casing, then fish out your glasses from the inside of your trusty coat pocket. One by one the letters pull into focus, and a smile spreads across your face as your eyes dance upon the message: It's episode 23 with very special guest Melissa Villaseñor.
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You check in for your 7 pm reservation at your local eatery quite famished as you purposely had a light lunch in order to ensure a hearty appetite for the meal that is about to ensue. At 7:10 the hostess informs you that they're running a bit behind, your stomach growls in response. At 7:26 you are seated. Not one moment later your waiter appears with what looks like a delicate yet potent avocado salad, "Compliments of the chef," he explains. You dig in, it's glorious and all of your worries disappear. Episode 22 is the avocado salad. You weren't expecting it, but here it is, compliments of the freaking chef.
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Episode 21 has arrived and should ideally be listened to while driving down the 101 going 72 (mph).
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January, February, March... these are just three examples of months. Each month is different and yet they all have one thing in common: vibes. Episode 20 delves into the various vibes each month brings (or doesn't bring) to the table, and who better to accompany us on our exploration than local vibe curator, Brandon Wardell. Please join us as we delve into what Adam Duritz, lead singer of the Counting Crows might deem, August and Everything After.
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Voicemail etiquette opens the episode while a tale involving Jason Biggs and a slippery pen closes it out. Go ahead and call the lord, tell him to take a day off, because I'm doing his work.
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Chase takes to the field via an Instagram poll, asking people to share a recent online purchase they made and how they felt about said purchase. Where is James Harden? Where is the package containing a Lululemon backpack someone got stolen off their porch? These are life's bigger questions that honestly, we might never know the answers to, but we can try... we can try.
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An absolutely heated episode Chase recorded high off an entire pumpkin pie.
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The turkey has been cooked to perfection, the mashed potatoes- whipped to hell. You and your loved ones are seated at the Thanksgiving table and are just about to dig in when a "Ding!" goes off in the distance. "What is that?" You frantically ask one another. "Did you not take the stuffing out, Cole?" "I took the stuffing out!" Cole insists. So what else could be fresh out the oven?? Then it hits you... episode 16 aka the first annual Thanksgiving special starring legendary comedian, and food connoisseur Joe Marrese. "Better than a slice of apple pie at sunset." - Lyle Dish, The San Francisco Manuscript
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Recorded in a muscle tank and white sweatpants, episode 15 came to play. Chicken Pot Pie is examined, and early risers are assessed. The episode concludes in, really the only way it can: Chase recounting the emotional turmoil caused by an Ikea return; a tale she's considering optioning as a feature length film for Paramount. "A rollercoaster ride I didn't want to get off of. " - Luke Sandals, The New Orleans Tribune.
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Gum, anyone? Chase finds the time to provide a dissertation on the subject of gum: Brands, flavors as well as etiquette are covered more extensively than anyone would like. Another monumental trip to the beach is unpacked. In the words of Chris Martin, Coldplay frontman and ex-husband of Gwyneth Paltrow, "Nobody said it was easy... no one ever said it would be this hard."
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Chase is joined by comedian, writer, and Douglas Fir connoisseur, Billy Scafuri, on this gorgeous yet stressful first week of November. Cheese is discussed at length as well as their shared podiatrist, Dr. Keith Gurnick.
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Episode 12 traipses onto the scene as chaotically as a Walgreens opening across the street from a Rite Aid. A particularly windy day sends Chase catapulting down memory lane to her first, late in the game, bee sting as well as her unprecedented fear of keys and locks (not a metaphor). Later in the episode, she finds herself in the throes of a trying tale about her recent experience with a 40% off one item coupon at CVS. "Episode 12 took me to places in my soul I had long since forgotten." - Linda Turey of the Rhode Island Gazette
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Chase has a conversation with the artist formerly known as Aunty Anne. But first, engages in a harrowing tale about a waitlisted Zara, the concept of wool, as well as a rare glimpse into her time abroad in Israel. "Absolutely not to be missed" - The Delaware Times
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Chase pulls out all the stops for the colossal milestone that is episode 10: The reveal of Berkeley Goldschmidt's middle name, an Urban Outfitters transaction gone wrong, as well as an update on the Quiznos mug debacle. This episode is rated W for "Wild."
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Chase escorts herself on a life changing trip to the beach, thus inspiring iconic topics such as baby seagulls and cantaloupe. Against all odds, she finds the strength to create an email for the podcast, which can be reached at composedpod@gmail.com Could this year get ANY crazier?
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An unprecedented expos into elevators, escalators and stairs. Has anyone ever dared to have the stamina to explore all three of these topics at once? I would bet my life they have not.
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Chase's former Christmas Tree Lot co-star, Berkeley L. Goldschmidt checks in from literally, Indiana, where he is in his first year of college, more specifically in the Kelley School of Business. A college campus in a pandemic? Covered it. Berkeley's unprecedented loyalty to United Airlines? Covered it. All that, plus more.
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For the first time Chase is joined by a guest, her left handed boyfriend and gorgeous social butterfly, Donny Divanian. Social etiquette is covered, The Census is touched upon. Caiman make an appearance.
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Temps reach triple digits, sending Chase spiraling into an unprecedented story about the time she nearly fainted in St. Petersburg on Warped Tour. A VistaPrint mug update as well as a ropes course analogy ensues.
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Chase absolutely shatters the glass ceiling by changing up the format: She fields questions, general inquiries and a dilemma involving a pair of too tight Nike shoes. An experience on the Vistaprint website is discussed at length.
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Is there any topic Chase won't discuss? In this week's scorcher of an episode, she boldly takes on cheeseboards. String cheese is praised while olives are absolutely torched.
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Chase has some choice words for people who love tea... chaos ensues.
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Chase composes an email to people who stay til the end of the credits in movies... chaos ensues.
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