INSIDE WESTMINSTER: Recent Episodes
The Curtain Twitcher
'Inside Westminster' is a parody audiobook series inspired by the shenanigans of the so-called British political 'elite'. It takes contemporary events and surmises what 'must' be going on behind closed doors. Our story begins when 'Potty' has been ensnared by a young, ambitious advisor named 'Mandy'....
They’d been hoist by their own petard, yet again - the Winchesters that is. And the PM feels the hand of history touch his shoulder.
In which the Swinton-Eagles scarper; Tara beds down with the cats and the royals brace themselves for yet more scandal, this time involving the heir apparent.
At last, there’s some good news for prince Edmund and Annabelle but Mandy is in for a battering.
In which the Trudge-Joneses are confronted by the chaos of their own making and this great nation - its government and its people – begin to make their feelings known.
In which ‘partygate’ and its grave consequences and prince Markus’s trial by jury become the talk of the land.
In which the shenanigans and moral failings of the highest echelons of this land are coming back to bite and hard.
In which Prince Markus runs out of road, his fate being sealed in an interview with senior royals.
In which two privileged white males – prince Markus and the PM – get their comeuppence.
The noose is tightening round prince Markus’s neck as Anoushka Blackwell is found guilty.
With the resignation of the nation’s Brexit supremo, Lord Snow, the Prime Minister is dealt a body blow like no other but has no alternative but to ‘battle on’.
In which prince Edmund is exposed; the French president faux pas in franglais and the prime minister ponders past missed opportunities.
In which Ptolomy trudge-Jones wishes he had listened to Mandy’s advice and realises his days are numbered.
In which the US president leaves an unwelcome calling card; prince Edmund and Annabelle have a heart to heart and Sabbeth Malek is left bereft.
In which the parliamentary standards commissioner survives a bid to quash her authority and COP26 drizzles on.
COP26 takes place amidst storms and protests; Potty continues to be hand-bagged and climate pledges are already being broken.
In which the royals watch Her Madge slowing up; Benedict Morgan scoffs at the budget and climactic matters take centre stage.
Crisis after crisis is hitting our Prime Minister and our fair couple Stateside too. But bad fortune affects our two golden couples in very different ways as they react accordingly.
In which the American president’s misreading of the autocue condemns a whole generation of Afghans to oblivion, Mandy and other key ministers stay on holiday and the PM is forced to return to Downing Street.
Unnerving travails in the royal household continue and the Queen’s dresser, Linda, confides.
In which two key figures rue their words and actions and realise that ‘chickens come home to roost’.
England has reopened for business in spite of continued dire warnings from the medical experts that the pandemic is far from over.
In which the ex-health secretary is head over heels whilst the recipient of this love is already feeling jaded and the top three dogs are back in their kennels, missing the glories of Freedom Day.
The health secretary falls on his sword, a replacement is found in a trice and the by election result shows that the patience of the public is running out.
In which the start of the health secretary’s affair is traced and elephants are to be sent packing.
In which the full extent of the carnage caused by the health secretary’s affair becomes clear and his wife plans her revenge.
In which it is announced that ‘the person who gives birth to a person who will eventually menstruate’ are both home and doing well and an 8 hour inquisition proves pointless.
Wall-coverings continue to dominate the PM’s life and prince Rupert’s loose tongue causes angst for his wife.
In spite of excessive expenditure on ‘crazy gold tat’, the Prime Minister comes up smelling of roses again; Sir Kieran tries to shift the blame for his party’s abject flop and Steve Cannon is advised to just suck it up.
In which the Queen dresses her two wayward progeny down; the PM is sinking in a mire of yet more scandal and Mathew Shrove continues his weasel ways.
In which Benedict Morgan realises one of his sons is about to reap the rewards of his schoolboy pranks and prince Rupert is forced to acknowledge that life has consequences.
Neil Forthright, celebrity host and writer, gets the chop for his forthright opinions on Sassy Sparkle and the PM’s décor continues to cause a drama.
With the impending interview - second only to the ‘three of us in this marriage’ car crash one decades earlier - tensions are running high on both sides of the Atlantic.
Two demanding and feisty women, Sassy Sparkle and Mandy Swinton-Eagle, are giving their partners a hard time with their high expectations of love and life.
In which the second impeachment fails; Tony, the masseuse, succeeds and the Shroves discuss Mandy Swinton-Eagle’s influence.
In which Prince Markus and his ex celebrate some much-needed good news, though their firstborn is being tested, and the first minister of Scotland and her husband are swimming with the sharks.
In which Mathew Shrove consults Benedict Morgan about Priscilla van de Lare’s border gaffe and Mandy plans her future with both Potty’s father, Somerset, and Fleur Aspall.
In which the EU commission overplays its hand; the French take the opportunity to give the UK a good kicking and Mandy connects with new and influential people in her quest for a green and pleasant land.
The only ‘world-beating’ laurels to be placed on the head of our hapless leader are that for presiding over one hundred thousand Covid deaths; Nifti Kadva, home secretary, cracks on by crashing heads together and Melania glows on her final performance as FLOTUS.
In which Tony Hancock, health secretary, guesses a few unnerving uncertainties about Covid; Trump ups his antics and Prince Markus’s ex has some good news.
In which Sabbath Malek, business secretary, is looking forward to his next move; Melania makes her final move and the Cannon’s fowl fall foul of the WI.
In which the health secretary is blasted by Steen Playfair’s committee; William Gaunt, education secretary, has his return to school policy scuppered as the new British variant lets rip and Mandy plans her future.
It’s to be a Christmas Eve like no other when the news of a deal is broken and the nation breathes a collective sigh of relief.
In which the PM realises the enormity of the changes to life post-pandemic, with unfavourable mythical comparisons.
In which vaccines abound, Melania contemplates a future without Trump and the chancellor has a new role as a magician.
In which Mandy has her way regarding promotion, Melania reviews her ‘transactional’ marriage and Potty gets pinged by track and trace.
In which political shenanigans have become all too personal with resignations and sackings ensuing and the Winchesters perform their own act of rememberance.
In which the PM vaunts the long-awaited vaccine, Benedict Morgan rues his father-in-law’s tendency to be mired in controversy and the transport secretary is being set up.
In which Melania opens up to her masseuse and the two Downing Street interns worry about their future.
In which Mandy’s demands for a decent Christmas look scuppered by a mountain of new ‘rules’ and the two nameless interns worry about the Chancellor’s health.
Mandy is back in the Downing Street flat and is worried by news of breakaway Tory groups.
The Queen is set free whilst the North is imprisoned and Melania’s masseuse feels the heat of desire.
In which several of our protagonists are on the verge of exposure, whilst Trump continues to stun the world with his death defying antics.
In which Forthright grills the secretary of state for health, the PM becomes entangled in his own rules and two more world leaders succumb to the dreaded virus.
In which the Queen and the PM contemplate the possibility of another financial catastrophe and Mandy funds a holiday with her new-found friend.
In which the Cannons contemplate a dire fate for Vixie Squire, the PM’s handling of the pandemic continues to cause consternation but Mandy appears blissfully unaware of it all.
In which the PM strays from the straight and narrow just as politicians’ shenanigans are headline news due to Vixie Squire’s bonkbuster diaries.
Breaking international law is the latest political shenanigan, along with another affair involving the PM and a mysteriously alluring maiden called Delilah Stroppa. The Winchesters also are back in the headlines.
‘Tying up loose ends’ is a euphemism for breaking international law, which is exactly what Ben and his allies are planning, Aden Beer makes contact and Mandy is innocent to Potty’s latest sexploits.
In which Potty is reminded that being PM can be painful and the publication of a memoir could pose problems.
In which the PM examines his soul and asks Ben for advice and Melania considers her options.
In which the PM invades a Leicestershire classroom and the Morgans and Shroves contemplate their off-springs’ antics.
In which the Shroves have their work cut out trying to passify their daughter over, well, everything.
The PM plans a union-saving holiday, Mandy agrees to forego luxury and Ben continues his purge.
Nightmares abound for William Gaunt and Ben but Potty’s waistline is diminishing and Mandy continues nesting at Chequers.
In which William Gaunt learns how soon chickens come home to roost and the Winchesters are blown away.
In which Anoushka Blackwell, Gregory Epstein’s former madam, is read the riot act, the highest civil servant in the land is sent packing and Sassy has another melt-down.
In which Trump thumps WHO, Sassy Sparkle meets her match and Prince Rupert appreciates the wisdom of his father’s advice, but too late.
In which Sabbath Malek, business secretary, reflects on his good fortune and the PM senses the Chancellor, Aarush Bhatt, is being lined up as his successor.
What a change in fortunes for several well-connected members of the elite are experiencing and no amount of excuses, smooth talking and affluent society contacts are going to help! But Crispin Dunk, society columnist, is riding high.
In which two politically elite families suffer from idiots within: Somerset jaunts off to Greece before the air-bridge is secured and Al Shrove disses her nearest and dearest on TikTok and YouTube.
In which Steve Cannon reflects on the political shenanigans of his time as PM, his luck in marrying Alex and the future of his family in a post-Brexit, post-Covid world.
In which the PM applies his new policy of ‘whack-a-mole’ on the unsuspecting City of Leicester and Trump buys up the world’s stock of one of Covid’s key therapeutics.
In which Prince Rupert cowers in the face of his wife’s anger over her BFF’s betrayal and Benedict Morgan’s campaign of reforming Whitehall gets into full swing.
In which the fresh-faced secretary of state for housing gets involved in a housing application scandal, Trump flexes his muscles unsuccessfully and the new Labour leader’s muscularity – both physically and metaphorically - is proven.
In which the Home Secretary has a meeting with Benedict Morgan to discuss the latest issues.
The Secretary of State for Health finds himself alone at the Friday coronavirus briefing trying to explain the 40 000 death toll.
In which Trump responds to all his political woes by calling on a higher power and the PM accepts that his most senior special advisor is just that.
The royal family is the targeted by the media again, causing the Queen to make some difficult decisions.
In which two Gen Z interns review their career choice, having spent their Erasmus working in Downing Street.
In which Ben is forced out of his silence over that trip northwards with potentially disastrous consequences.
Covid has made some snitchers on neighbours: two such incidents causing trouble for the PM’s most special advisor. Other members of the 'elite' need no help in offending.
Due to lack of evidence, the PM is off the IOPC hook for Scarlett-related misdemeanours, but he seems to be losing his panache along with the confidence of the four nations..
In which the political 'elite' on both sides of the Atlantic are coming under fire for their handling of the Covid-19 catastrophe.
The PM and his close team are trying to lead the nation out of 'lockdown' but detractors make this an unenviable task.
Cover-19 causes unrelenting stress for our politicians but luck still favours a few, Dunk included, whilst others despair at its disappearance.
The four nations' plans to defeat Covid-19 are out of sync, but England is going ahead with its five-level alert system and its three phase unlock.
On the day of the preliminary hearing for Sassy's case, Uel Fudge gets a cautionary talk from the police.
The royal family in UK are supporting the nation but certain government Covid-19 policies are seen to be sorely lacking.
Political reaction to the pandemic varies widely from nation to nation: the blame-game has started with a vengeance in UK; Trump blames WHO and China and leaders in Europe apologise.
It is Easter Sunday and, much to the relief of the nation, Potty does not meet his Maker but improves enough to be allowed to convalesce at Chequers.
The PM's health nose-dives causing panic in the country and Swinton-Eagle household alike, whilst the pandemic wreaks havoc world-wide.
The nation is on tenterhooks as their PM is stricken and in hospital; his loyal lieutenant too is ill.
In which the Queen tries to calm the nation, the Labour leader is chosen, Scotland's chief medical officer is in trouble and Potty goes to hospital.
In spite of his period of self-isolation the PM is looking ominously flakey, the Labour leadership battle crescendoes and mistakes abound in the handling of the pandemic.
The pandemic is spiralling out of control taking the PM, Benedict Morgan and two other senior government figures with it.
The leader of the Opposition retires as does the PM and Mandy, but to Chevening, with difficult discussions ahead.
In which Mandy is suffering, Trusty goes and the predecessor of the SNP's leader gets away with it.
In which Potty's dream of being 'world king' is turning into a nightmare as he prepares to lockdown the nation to try and control the deadly Covid-19 virus.
In which the socially-distancing Potty forgets Mandy's birthday and Ben complains about his son, who - due to school closures - is studying at their other home
The PM has been away sorting out personal issues but the virus is no respecter of excuses and the Winchesters battle on.
In which Prince Rupert mulls over his conversation with the teenage climate activist and the new Chancellor delivers his first budget.
In which 'dark forces' are doing their work for Nifti Kadva but the Winchester's last official visit to Blighty is hailed as a success.
The Home Secretary takes on the head of the civil service and faces the prospect that she may lose her job.
Rob Magnor seeks sympathy from his wife Zoe, the Queen's grand-daughter, and gets firmly put in his place
The PM and Mandy are looking forward to the annual party fund-raiser but others around them are having a hard time.
In which Prince Rupert fully realises that living a 'normal' life is not all it's cracked up to be.
Benedict Morgan intends to stuff Auntie and Fitzie tries to organise her husband's 60th birthday bash.
A failed leadership bid and other Brexit-related issues forces the resignation of Manley Stollard but he has designs on your sofa which he hopes will culminate in command of a different sort.
Crispin Dunk realises that three men he is interested in attended the same school, so he and Bobby plan a visit.
The off-spring of famous people, including Potty - are getting in on the act - much to the annoyance of Mandy.
In which the former Chancellor does some soul-searching and doesn't like what he finds.
Prince Markus is introduced to Michael Charlatass in Les BonBons and another unsavoury connection is forged which will come back to haunt our hapless prince.
In which von Stratton plans a feast of pleasure for Effie and Voss is mystified that his name is associated with the PM's Mustique fiasco.
The PM's Christmas holiday in Mustique is being scrutinised and the Chancellor gets the chop.
In which Mandy inadvertently lets slip that a split has opened up in Downing Street and Potty receives a phone call, the importance of which will prove catastrophic.
The Winchesters have relocated which doubles the workload for his brother and Juliana, both of whom shoulder this for the sake of the Queen.
In which the Queen faces the turmoil and scandal within her own family as her eldest grandson announces his planned divorce.
Speaker Scratchett celebrates the launch of his book, aspires to become a Lord and rues his wife's affair whilst Potty tries to understand why Ben has lost his mojo.
To fly or not to fly - that is the question testing politicians in Belfast. And the Queen ponders the fate of her favourite child.
In which lawyers are contacted as the Prince Markus scandal is not going to simply disappear.
With the signing of the Withdrawal Agreement - finally - low-key celebrations are held by the Downing Street team, one of whom is unexpectedly overcome with emotion.
A scandal involving one of the world's richest men causes Potty to wonder whether Scarlett has any incriminating photos of him.
In which Sassy's father has his say and Prince Rupert wonders whether their headline grabbing departure from UK had fortuitously masked another royal scandal.
Von Stratton tries to organise Big Ben bongs to be the highlight of Brexit party celebrations.
In which Teddy tries to get to the bottom of Sassy's plans for their future outside the royal family and realises that their original plans may have been hasty and naive.
In which Steve Brookby interviews Prince Rupert and Sassy and the Queen and Prince Frederick reflect on their married life together.
In which brooches signify, Potty makes a flying visit to Belfast and Mandy thanks her lucky stars.
In which Sir Ivor predicts Prince Rupert's decision will mean a rocky ride for the royal family.
In which two Secretaries of State discuss Prince Rupert and Sassy's decision to 'step back' from royal life.
In which Potty gets to know the new President of the EU and confirms that Uk's final day as members of the EU would be 31st January.
In which Ben and Potty discuss contemporary crises and Potty suggests Gwendoline chats to Sophia.
In which Dunk interviews Frank Wright and mocks his left-wing credentials, unaware of Wright's new-found wealth.
In which seeds are sown and rumours of which cause a stir in the Swinton-Eagle household.
With the looming General Election, Potty looks statesman-like at Nato's anniversary celebrations, Jezzer is caught out, the Chancellor gets his stats wrong and Fudge dismisses defections.
In which interviews become critical: Prince Markus's is a disaster and Potty's isn't too bad, and Mandy faces criticism on the doorstep.
In which the nation's favourite interviewer humiliates Scarlett while her King Dick is getting into shape to defeat Jezzer in the fast-approaching General Election.
In which Scarlett's appearance before an investigations committee threatens to overshadow campaigning by Potty who is relieved that Prince Markus's scandal looks like grabbing the headlines instead.
In which Fudge is persuaded to disarm, allowing Potty's dream of a clear majority win to be possible and Ezra and Sir Hillary take K-J in hand.
In which Fudge falls out with Shandy who can see that fielding so many Brexit Party contenders would favour Jezzer's camp and Dunk's help is requested to halt Fudge's quest.
In which Labour is rocked by resignations, the campaign for a second referendum hits the buffers and Mandy enjoys her new role.
In which the Aussie election experts realise they have ideas in common with Ben, the Brexit party decides to field too many candidates and discrediting capers backfire.
In which the Party continues to lose MPs, K-J gaffes over Grenfell Tower and the Aussie duo fear that the election campaign is losing its oomph.
In which Jezzer agrees to a General Election, another Aussie joins the team and Mandy lures Potty to a New Forest hideaway.
In which Mandy tries to placate her sister and is relieved to read that Scarlett is in trouble.
In which Potty's promise to 'die in a ditch' if his Brexit deal isn't passed by Halloween looks likely to be gladly accepted.
In which the Withdrawal Agreement and the Backstop are re-jigged, but two bills are sneaked through and the Rebel Alliance grows.
In which Potty's flying visit to Brussels proves to be a fruitful 'tunnel' adventure for his Brexit deal and Mandy wishes she were a 'trad wife'.
In which the Queen gives a speech, Ben criticises Mandy's 'tiara' and Potty thinks his Brexit deal is a winner.
In which tempers are fraying as the pressure of being in power - but with no majority, not wielding any - boils over and Ben reads that he and Mandy are not wanted in the PM's life.
In which, as Parties vie to win the election, promises are made that can't be kept and Potty has to face the Financial Oversight Committee.
In which the Conference is a success, Mandy realises the extent of public fascination for her and Potty grasps the full implications of a hard Brexit.
In which Mandy consoles Potty over another family defection and both plan their conference trip.
In which Speaker Scratchett gets a new lease of life due to the resumption of Parliament and Mandy is relieved that Potty is torn away from Scarlett.
In which Potty can't stop smiling even though eleven Law Lords declare his prorogation is illegal.
In which Mandy realises Potty may have arranged to meet up with a former flame in New York and determines to reignite their own passion.
In which Mandy is able to join Potty at the climate conference in New York and bumps into Effie at the airport.
In which Steve Cannon completes his memoir, reflecting on his life and facing the life-changing consequences of the fateful 2016 referendum.
In which defections, the prorogation of Parliament and Potty's 'do or die' mantra spiral out of control and the PM may well be forced to 'die in a ditch'.
In which champagne is used to stem the flow of disloyal colleagues, Dr De'Ath crosses the floor and Mandy acquires a cute dog.
In which Ben wields his power and compels Mathew Shrove to be interviewed by the feared Neil Forthright.
In which Ben realises the aggro he'd face as the newly appointed PM's chief advisor and his son, Peregrine, seals his own fate.
In which Mandy successfully completes her first solo official duty and Potty learns to walk on eggshells.
In which Mandy finds the delights of Balmoral over-rated, Ben's wife counts her blessings and Fudge nearly ruins von Stratton and Effie's romantic break.
In which Mandy finds comfort in accompanying Potty to Balmoral and Charles von Stratton plans an orgasmic feast for Effie in Australia.
In which sound-bites, once created, take on a life of their own, Brexit engendered divisions explode and Her Madge despairs at the behaviour of the so-called political elite.
In which the Royal Family discuss Brexit shenanigans, the Shadow Chancellor plans to change the course of history and Ben has a cheese-related melt-down.
In which the character of Francois Marks - founder member of the Spartans - is dissected.
In which Mandy gets accustomed to life in Downing Street and extends an olive branch to her sister.
In which Effie plans her summer with Charles and Mandy meets her match in Benedict Morgan.
In which the investigation into Mandy's fiddling expenses is dropped and Potty is prepared to mercilessly cull.
In which some fun is injected into Potty's leadership campaign and Mandy might listen to advice.
In which Effie and Mandy's plan advances and Potty tries to avoid questions about his private life.
In which knives are heated up for Mandy and Team Potty hopes they deliver her a fatal wound.
In which Team Potty desperately try to craft an acceptable image of their candidate for the public.
In which UK MEPs at the EU sport rude slogans and turn their backs when the 'anthem' is played.
In which we learn more about Mandy's opportunistic neighbours and Potty is down to the last two in the battle to be party leader.
In which Potty's campaign team begin to learn the true cost of Brexit and the full extent of their leader's problems.
In which the Brexit battlecry of 'getting the job done' is proven to be easier said than done.
In which Sophia manages to laugh and plans to take an influential partner to her taking silk celebrations.
In which Mandy takes Potty in hand, trims him down and prepares him for a crucial speech.
In which Mandy cuts her losses and sets her sights firmly on Potty who was smitten by her from the start.
In which Potty feels his moment of glory is imminent and Mandy is forced to return to her parents.
In which Potty wonders where Mandy is, whilst considering the leadership competitors and Sophia plots mischief.
In which Potty's leadership bid gets an injection of cash from an unexpected quarter, but Mandy is finding fulfilment elsewhere.
In which Sophia plans revenge, Potty plots his political come-back and Mandy endeavours to win her new man.
In which Angie and Geoffrey have a shock and Potty and Mandy meet up in Sri Lanka with very different agendas.
In which Mandy's parents threaten sanctions, Potty reaps fringe benefits and both he and Mandy plan an escape to Sri Lanka.
In which Potty and Mandy get to know each other and the extent of their mutual ambition.
In which we learn more about our femme fatale, Mandy Swinton-Eagle, and the powers she has at her disposal.
In which we meet our main protagonists: Ptolomy Trudge-Jones, aspiring politician; his wife Sophia Mowbray-Dick, successful lawyer and Mandy Swinton-Eagle, the irresistible femme fatale.