This is my take on raising girls. I obviously don’t know it all, or Jamie would be in church. More about that at the end. All or most of these things you are already doing.
Build the child’s self esteem. How a child feels about herself and thus how she will interact with others is largely dependent on how she feels about herself. Express your belief in her virtues, and her abilities and she will see herself in the mirror that you create. You and I were so far apart in age, that I didn’t see much of how you were raised, but I know that Mom always told me I was capable of doing anything and I believed it. Dad and I didn’t talk much, but when he did say something to me, it was usually positive or at the very least seen as constructive. I felt like my parents, and grandparents believed in me and they were the smartest people I knew, so I thought they couldn’t be wrong.
Encourage primary greatness. There are two kinds of greatness; Primary greatness which comes from a principle centered character and Secondary greatness which is the greatness the world acknowledges. Primary greatness comes from the Bible principals you are teaching the girls. The challenge is to not let secondary greatness (looks, brains, talent, popularity etc.) be relied on in place of primary greatness. Secondary greatness is the result of primary greatness and cannot replace it. You both know all you need to know about teaching God’s principals.
Develop their interests. When you detect real talent in your girls, encourage them to develop it and give them a lot of positive feed back along the way. Momma Jacquie always thought I could be a movie star and she encouraged poise and flamboyant style. She would make a huge fuss over me being able to walk with books on my head and when I wasn’t under them, she made sure my nose was in them. She encouraged me to read books about developing social skills, like How To Win Friends and Influence People, Psycho Cybernetics, The Richest Man in Babylon, Think and Grow Rich, The Power of Positive Thinking… At first, at the age of 8 or 9, I complained that the books were too hard, but she kept assuring me that I had the ability to read and learn at that level and I believed her and did. My ability to guide WildLife on Easy Street and be in the public eye is a result of all that early positive reinforcement.
Create an enjoyable family life. Try to make your home more fun, more relaxing and more satisfying than anything else your daughters may be influenced by. This is not a call for laziness. When I look back on my childhood, the best things I remember were us all working together in the lawn care business. There was a sense of camaraderie in working together that exceeded anything I was involved in outside our family. I remember Mom always had some kind of craft project going and in retrospect I think she did it to stimulate our creativity. I don’t see her doing those things now for her own pleasure. Coming home was always a good thing. We never had to worry about what kind of mood our parents would be in, or had any reason to dread. We were expected to clean our rooms (although I was awful at that) and to take care of the animals and the yard, but we were encouraged to do so rather than forced. We pitched in because we didn’t want to let the “team” down.
Plan things together. I don’t remember us doing this as a family, but Jamie and I do and it is a great source of excitement. We get together at least once a week, and often more, to plan for the growth of WildLife on Easy Street, to plan events, conference trips, newsletters and to brainstorm over lunch with our “idea books”. It tells her, “I think your ideas matter and that you have something worthwhile to contribute.” Three years ago, Jamie was too shy to order for herself off a menu, but now she gives interviews to the press and goes out soliciting donations and reporters. She believes she has something valuable to say and says it right out loud. She believed the person that she thought was the smartest person she knew. When you plan something fun for the whole family, everyone should be heard and acknowledged. Often the planning is more fun than the actual doing. On this note, however, keep in mind that your influence with the girls is based upon trust and if you ever lead them to believe you will do something and don’t follow through, you lose that trust.
Set an example of excellence. Our Vision Statement includes the idea that we are going to lead by example. What you are shouts louder by what you do than what you say. I can’t think of two people who are better role models than you two. My own character flaws that I have to watch are that I am often critical of people and expect them to fail. I have to stay on constant guard against showing this negativity. If you are always trying to improve yourself as a person, your children will do the same. Too many people equate improving yourself, with improving your net worth and the two have little to do with each other. I think we spend far too much time in front of the TV and not enough time out doing good for others. When you think about the horrible influence of what we watch on TV, you might consider Alexander Pope’s statement: “Vice is a monster of so frightful mean, As to be hated, needs but to be seen; Yet seen too oft, familiar with her face, We first endure, then pity, then embrace.” Most TV programming is a subtle yet powerful weapon of Satan’s. Be careful of what you say. Your children are listening.
Teach your girls to visualize to reach their potential. Momma Jacquie would tell me to close my eyes and see myself being successful at whatever it was I was contemplating. Everything we do occurs twice, once in the mind and then in reality. I use this technique every day. Dad always used to tell me to think about what I was going to say, before I said it. Even today, if I am speaking to a volunteer, or a potential $10,000.00 donor, I see the conversation in my head and work out all the kinks before I am actually in the presence of the person. I think about everything that could go wrong, but go a step further in my mind, to come up with the appropriate solution. I don’t stop visualizing until I see myself succeeding.
Adopt their friends. When family, friends, school and church are all aligned it makes a powerful training system. When there is a problem with a peer, adopt that peer. You guys seem to do real well at this too. My friends were my down fall, despite Mom’s ability to adopt all of my friends. All the kids loved to hang out at our place because our mom was the “coolest”. Even in my marriages, she has “adopted” my husband’s and made them to feel at home. I think that she was able to keep me out of much more trouble than most of my peers were in by keeping me and my friends close by.
Teach them to serve. Our society promotes the ME FIRST concept to our ultimate disillusionment. It is only in service to God, to others and to animals that we get a true sense of accomplishment and satisfaction in life. Many people don’t “have time” for volunteer work until they retire. By then, much of their life is spent and they haven’t had the opportunity to experience how rewarding it is to give of their time and energy. Fact is, all of us are allotted the same amount of time and it is just in how we manage it that will allow us a more rich life, full of loving and giving. The most money I ever made in a single deal was $135,000.00 but the elation was not near as memorable as breathing life into a dead cub (Sundari Leopard). I almost never think about that business deal, but I am reminded daily of the precious gift that life is to us.
Provide support. It is not enough to think about how much we support our children, THEY need to hear it often. By constantly affirming them, they will become the strong support to others. Everything you give comes back ten fold. They learn, through you, that they can change the world.
Talk to them frankly about sex and drugs. It may be embarrassing for you now, but the problems that can occur from relying on just teaching them the phrase, “Just say, No!” are devastating.