I turned my profile back on with Match.com

and am getting a lot of interesting responses. I have been slow to answer and not able to get excited about the prospects because I love Peter Kent so much. I want so much to believe in him. I hate having lost the trust I had felt. I am trying to not let Peter Kent see how he has hurt me and on the contrary have been trying to make him feel more loved and cared about in hopes that it will be enough for him.

1/16/02 Dear Peter Kent

Coming home, to my gorgeous lover, and finding him doing the dishes, was the sexiest thing I have ever seen. That moment captured the romance of living with a partner who cares enough to do the mundane in an effort to make his woman's life just a little easier. I was touched to my very soul and thought about it all day. To come home and find you had gone further and washed all of the dishes, when I had not even been thoughtful enough to thank you earlier, left me near tears. You are so good to me in so many ways. You take such good care of me, physically, emotionally and spiritually. I am truly blessed and love you deeply. - Love, Carole

From Peter A. Kent:

Carole, I relate exactly the same in all the things you do for me. You may shed tears on my legs at any time, any place. Our life is rather wonderful. I am happy and we are just beginning. We shall be together til death. - Pk

You are a great lady.

You may or may not be correct in this matter, I can easily say that you are much more on the correct side. After you left this morning I dreamed a rotten dream about my son; about my conception of his feelings for me. Knowing what you have been through in your life gives me the justification to take this interpretation and use it as you have. You are such a lovely person to me, for me. You are 100% there for me and I need to clean up my life with things that have value only, things like you. I felt myself yell out in my dream when you were gone this morning (8:15); I woke up and smiled because you must have tiptoed around here to let me sleep. Since my last acupuncture treatment, I have been saying that I need another for liver Qi rising. That will cause bad dreams. I love your tenderness for me and your strength of goodness in general. I hate to keep retreating to that same safe place, but I like to make you shake and lie in you afterwards. You, again, have helped me this morning. You were such a comfort to have with me last night. I wonder what I would feel like now without having had you with me last night. I must be going through some changes because, I don't remember going through such dreaming since I was a child. - pk

From: Savethecats@aol.com To: psage1@mindspring.com Sent: Thursday, January 17, 2002 7:47 AM

Subject: Listen to your heart

The sub conscious is a direct line to God. Yours spoke to you last night and neither of us heard it. You were upset after a day of dealing with Bud and contemplating selling your soul for an easy way out. You woke up thinking about Jeff and how he had sold his soul for an easy way out. You knew when you got involved with Jeff that he was not someone you could trust, but you did it anyway because you needed the money and the price of 2400.00 for just 6 days of work looked like a quick fix to your financial problems. Jeff used you to get what he wanted. You had hoped to use Jeff to get what you wanted, just like you hope to use Bud to get what you want. Your sub conscious was linking the two situations, because they are very similar and, I believe, as a warning to you that you have already done this sort of thing and it didn't work out. The definition of insanity is to keep doing the same thing hoping for a different outcome.

Take some time as you are working to define your vision. Mine is to lead by example. I run everything I do through that filter and if the choice I am contemplating does not align with my core value of leading by example, then I have to make another choice. I would not associate myself with a partner who takes advantage of others, because to do so, is not leading by example, unless I would like to see a whole world of people like Bud. People can always justify their selfish motives, but the fact of the matter is that Bud is looking for an easy ride and he can justify his laziness by saying that he is the equivalent of malpractice suit to the insurance companies. We live in a sue happy world because of dead beats who don't feel the need to contribute to society. This has caused a need for insurance for those of us who do work hard. It is not the insurance companies fault that people will take advantage of this system and raise all of our rates. There is no free ride.

You know this. That is what kept you awake and agitated. Listen to your heart. I am currently listening to my heart. I am having a cup of coffee, thinking of you; how lucky I am.

Dear Peter Kent

I don't know where to get liquid garlic, but a few calls to local health food stores should locate a bottle for you. Remind me tonight to help you with the liver Qi rising. My aunt Mary, wants to know if you could do acupuncture on her for her back pain. A big chandelier fell on her head years ago and she has never been the same. She is my "twin" cousin, Scott Smith's mom. My mother wants acupuncture this week for her tinnitus and I will pay you for that, but didn't know what I should quote to family members?

I am sorry to hear about the bad dreams, especially when they touch such a sensitive area as your feelings about your worth as a father. I wish I had been there for you to talk to. I stood over you for the longest time, wanting to kiss you good bye, but feeling that was selfish since you were sleeping peacefully for the first time all night. I am here for you, if you need to hear yourself, out loud.

I told mom this morning that you are really wanting to get back into practice, but that you don't want to be at the mercy of another physician calling the shots. She said that Dr. Lori was just telling her that business has dropped to nothing since 9/11. She couldn't believe that it would affect her business, because most of her clients have been coming to her for years and she only charges 40.00, so it's not like it is a huge investment. I guess the economy has been hurt in ways that I never imagined.

Take your vitamins and call the health food stores. There is lots of work to be done here at Easy Street by both of us. I love you. - Carole

I will be most happy to help anyone you wish for me to help. I would only ask that I have a few of what I will be doing first, so that I can read up on the TCM approach. I don't do it enough to remember each time.

Relative to the charges, it would be most appropriate to charge $29/hr since state law prevents me from doing anything without my chiropractic or my acupuncture license current. I could change that with activating my chiropractic license and passing my acupuncture points exam, however that is the way it is now. I do not wish for anyone else to know about the $29 per hour deal.

When I think of all the pain and suffering I have been through, I know that you are the answer to my prayers. You have SUCH strength of character. It is me that should be on my knees before you.

My prayer:

Father God, loving Spirit of the Universe I ask that you bless me this day, indeed I ask that you expand my territories. May your hand be with me, keep me from evil, let me cause no pain and protect all that I love so dearly. - Pk

I turned my profile off this morning, and it was immediately hidden. I found that yours is still on. You didn't get the same acknowledgment screen that I did this morning, so there must be something weird with your account, on their side. I took the liberty of sending match.com an email telling them that we had tried to hide your profile last night and that it did not work. I asked them to respond directly to you. I appreciate the loving way that you handled this uncomfortable situation last night. I hope to grow stronger in my love for you and in my trust in you. - Carole

I've been writing my story since I was able to write, but when the media goes to share it, they only choose the parts that fit their idea of what will generate views. If I'm going to share my story, it should be the whole story. The titles are the dates things happened. If you have any interest in who I really am please start at the beginning of this playlist: http://savethecats.org/

I know there will be people who take things out of context and try to use them to validate their own misconception, but you have access to the whole story. My hope is that others will recognize themselves in my words and have the strength to do what is right for themselves and our shared planet.

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Music (if any) from Epidemic Sound (http://www.epidemicsound.com) This video is for entertainment purposes only and is my opinion.