Yo, Doctor Carole My arms are much better. I do have a bad attitude this morning, what can you do about that? I am waiting for energy to show up; it would have to be Divine Energy this morning. I'm tired and crabby. Pk

1/24/02

Dear Peter Kent,

Please go take your meds and then come back and read this. Alan Schreier emailed me yesterday and asked if I had found someone special yet. I wrote him back this morning and said this about you:

Dear Alan Schreier

I am forwarding the bill to you, with the Chase statement that is still coming to the house. I am glad to hear that Zorro and Zoe are settling in and hope that you are finding peace and happiness as well. I am so glad that my Aunt is a help to you. The news on Todd is great. Does he live with you now? It sounds like he just needed to be the foremost person in your life for him to blossom. All the rest was probably just trying to get your attention. I am glad that your business is going well for you too. You deserve and will find much happiness.

I will tell you about mine, but expect to hear about yours as well. I found a Doctor on Match.com who brings me great comfort. He is a very spiritual man and prays with me and for me often. He has 8 degrees and 3 of them are doctorate, so he is stimulating mentally. He is a healer and has eliminated pain from my life. You know how much I dealt with back and neck pain, head aches and my menstrual period was enough to just about do me in every month. With his abilities as a Chiropractor, Acupuncturist, and doctor of Chinese Medicine he has brought my body peace, such as I have never known.

It feels so good to be able to greet each day without pain. I am on a bit of a euphoric high from feeling so good. He is an expert in fitness and health and this will help me to reach my goals. I am still losing a pound a week on the Body For Life Program and have lost 30 pounds since we started in June. This has improved the way I feel a great deal as well. Because of the all over healing experience that we can offer people by his medical abilities and by the bonding with nature that WildLife on Easy Street offers we hope to create a place where people can come to heal body and spirit. I have set up a web page, linking to his web site, until we can do the ground work here to make that happen. Return_To_Eden http://www.wildlifeeasyst.com/return%20to%20eden.htm

Daniel Capiro just walked through and said to say hello to you too. "

Dear Peter,

Alan is a gentle person, but curiosity may get the better of him and it wouldn't surprise me at all if he were to call you or email you from your web site. He's not a bad person, he just wasn't the right person.

On this other matter, I had wished to talk with you about it last night, but you fell asleep. Again, this morning, I woke up at six and thought it better to say this to you in person, but you had a hard time waking up after working so hard. I did not wish to talk about anything unpleasant while sticking needles in you and certainly don't want to discuss it tonight while you are sticking them in me. It is small thing, and probably just a lack of understanding between us. I know that your heart is in the right place and that it is not your intention to impose, and more than that, I recognize that you want to help someone else.

I would not pay someone 30.00 and hour to work in my yard. I would not pay two people 40.00 per hour to do it either. I invest in things that will earn a return on the investment.

As long as I can get my truck from the gate to the carport, I will pretty much ignore the yard. Alan Schreier was paying someone 125.00 per month to keep it mowed and I thought that was a lot. I had planned to pay one of my volunteers minimum wage to keep it mowed. My dad does it for free.

I offered the work to you, at your 29.00 per hour rate, because I love you and wanted you to be able to earn a living without having to deal with people like Jeff and the woman in St. Pete. Whenever I do have hourly type work to do, I always offer it to my volunteers first because many of them are just barely getting by and yet are devoting so much time and energy to my success with the refuge. These people have earned my respect and the right to be able to feed themselves. You have earned it in the wonderful way that you are to me. There is nothing about Bud that would have inspired me to pay him to hang around and be a bad influence on you.

It bothers me that you have asked me to help support him, when it would have been my preference to help someone who deserves it. It bothers me that you desire the company of someone so lacking in morals. You have read the Bible enough to know that no good can come of keeping bad company. It bothers me worse that you have warned him not to say such stupid things, that reveal his true nature, when I am around. I feel that you are hoping I will forget who and what he really stands for and all of the self defeating things you used to do together. I feel used and potentially mislead.

My hope is that you did not intentionally bring this into our relationship, and that you are just acting out of love for a fellow man, who you recognize to be down on his luck. As someone who just came from such a place, I can understand the need to feel that you are giving back. I know you must get lonely working by yourself all day. I suspect that you may even feel you are benefiting me because two of you can do more for me at 40.00 per hour, than just you can at 30.00 per hour. I don't need the work done faster, because the availability of the work is for your benefit more than mine. I need to know and understand your motives so that we can work something out that we can both be happy with.

I know there are a lot of bigger projects that you are eager to move on to, but I need to see you estimate a job, and bring it in near that estimate, before tackling something as expensive as a house. The deck cost more than twice the estimate you gave. The canopies look like they are going to come in around $400.00- $500.00 each and all I needed was something to keep the rain off. Four posts and a slant of sheet metal was what I had in mind, but I didn't make myself clear.

I think you wanted to impress me with your ability to do something different and dramatic, but you didn't check it out first. The deal with Jeff showed me that you will say you can do a project, even if you don't know what you are doing. I appreciate the fact that you try to teach yourself and that you are willing to lose money to try and rectify a problem, but if you get knee deep in a house and can't finish it for what you estimated, I have no recourse and you don't have the cushion to carry it. I don't want to lose the marvelous aspects of our relationship over financial matters.

That is not to say that I don't want to work with you. I do. I just need to see evidence of your ability to cost out a job, see it through to the end and come in on budget. The food prep plans have all been costed out and you should be able to build it for $20,000.00 since the freezers are done. Anything under that shows me your ability to save us money.

I hesitate to hit send. It would be easier to keep my feelings to myself and let you do whatever you want. Much inside me would prefer to handle it this way, but I know that it just builds up and then one day without warning I decide to move on. I guess the letter from Alan Schreier yesterday was a reminder of that. If you are reading this, it is because I love you too deeply to let this happen.

I've been writing my story since I was able to write, but when the media goes to share it, they only choose the parts that fit their idea of what will generate views. If I'm going to share my story, it should be the whole story. The titles are the dates things happened. If you have any interest in who I really am please start at the beginning of this playlist: http://savethecats.org/

I know there will be people who take things out of context and try to use them to validate their own misconception, but you have access to the whole story. My hope is that others will recognize themselves in my words and have the strength to do what is right for themselves and our shared planet.

You can help feed the cats at no cost to you using Amazon Smile!

Visit BigCatRescue.org/Amazon-smile

You can see photos, videos and more, updated daily at BigCatRescue.org

Check out our main channel at YouTube.com/BigCatRescue

Music (if any) from Epidemic Sound (http://www.epidemicsound.com) This video is for entertainment purposes only and is my opinion.