Carole Baskins Diary

“Love is a verb” - Howie

Howie writes Carole: 19 Jan 2003 21:01:50 -0500

We are having a little going away party next door tomorrow at 6pm for Kit and Jeff who you'll recall are moving to Hawaii. Would love to have you join us if you can.

In Orlando Tuesday afternoon and evening. The rest of my week is wide open right now - have a bunch of stuff to do but no set schedule. Would enjoy seeing you as often as you would like this week for whatever activity you like - walk Bayshore, see or rent a movie, meal(s), read, day or evening, your place or mine. Am simply at your service. You name it.

You know you're getting old when you have no clue who the half time performers are at the football games, and are not sure what you are hearing is music.

Carole writes Howie At 07:45 PM 1/19/03 -0500:

Tuesday night at 6PM I host the Spay and Neuter meeting at the island. Wednesdays at 7:00-8:00 or 7:30-8:30 depending on where I go, I have church. Saturday my period is due to start and I have the No More Homeless Pets thing at the University from 9:30 till 2:00 and just for future reference, I have church on Sundays from 9:00 - 10:00 class and 10:00-11:00 worship and in the afternoon

either from 5-6 or 6-7 depending on which congregation I attend.

Howie writes Carole: 19 Jan 2003 22:15:31 -0500

Well, if I'm to pick, we've got Monday evening set (nothing to bring - all taken care of) and Tuesday we're both busy. Since you are busy Wednesday in evening with church, would you like to do your roller blading that afternoon and come by for a shower, visit and early dinner before church? And from there we could plan the remaining days before your discomfort time?

I'm happy to try this laser thing for you as long as you are sure I can do no harm if I do not do something right. Will check the laser site tomorrow but perhaps when we visit you can tell me more. Planning to have Dr. Dong look at leg Tuesday. I'll see if I can "remote view" into those dreams.

Carole writes Howie At 09:44 PM 1/19/03 -0500:

Dear Howie, I would be happy to meet with you and Kit and Jeff Monday at 6PM. What should I bring?

Thank you for the info on Dr. Yang. I have laser acupuncture that I wish to try, but would like to know what you think of her if you go. I can reach all of the spots that need doing, I think, and I have done regular acupuncture enough to have a good feel for it. If I can't relax and hold the laser in place, would you be willing to do it for me? It is just light, so you can't do any harm. I bought it for the cats, but there is a book for people too. If the laser doesn't work, I will be wanting to see her next month.

If I am ever going to do anything but embarrass you with my ineptitude on the court, I will need your best reference and lots of practice. Jamie is very athletic and hates to skate, so she can help bring me up to speed for you. I used to play when I was a teenager. My father had a powerful swing. The ball would cut you in half if it made contact. I am good at chasing cats, in ever changing directions,

while swinging those big wrought iron nets that you can catch a cougar in. How hard could this be? ;-)

I am sorry to hear that you are expecting a long recovery on your calf, but not too surprised given your description of the incident. Want to try the laser? McLaren Photonic Therapy ® (405) 767-0800 http://www.photonictherapy.com/

As for the rest of the week, I would like to make the most of it, since I will be likely not be good company for a week starting Saturday. I love blading Bay Shore and could drop by before (less smelly, sweaty and "high") or afterward when I am already euphoric and on top of the world. I ALWAYS enjoy a walk, but don't want to aggravate your leg. I spend an inordinate amount of time eating so any time that works into your schedule I am much happier to have your company. I don't wish to make a pest of myself. I need to know how you prefer to structure your days, or if you prefer structure to spontaneity. Left to my own devices, I will work from 7:30 am until 9:30 PM and it makes no difference to me what time of day I break free to do something else. I am adaptable.

Lately I have spent an awful lot of time in writing, but I do it to sort out my thoughts. Recently I have needed this time to write, more than usual and I am pleased with the clarity that it has helped bring to the situation. Please do not feel compelled to write, just because I go on and on. I am off to bed. With any luck, I will dream of you.

Carole writes Howie At 08:49 PM 1/19/03 -0500:

Dear Howie, When I said we are studying Christian Evidences and alluded to scientific evidence of the existence of God and the Bible being His inspired Word, I did not wish to leave the impression that the evidence is so indisputable that one could come to no other conclusion. Far from it. What I have learned is that regardless of one's beliefs, from Atheism to Fundamentalist Christian, nothing about the origin of man, our reason for being here and where we go when we die, can be proven beyond a doubt. When a man says, "There is no God" or "We are all god" he is stating his belief, his faith and in the end our faith is all that any of us have.

I find the evidence of God to be as compelling as the evidence against it so the only issue, in my mind is, "Which is the safest bet?" If there is no God and I live my life as if there were, there is no down side for me. I will have lived a good life and treated others the way I wanted to be treated. I will have spent three hours a week studying something that led me to be kinder, more compassionate and helped others to realize meaning in their lives.

On the other hand, if I bet there is no God and do not spend any time looking into the matter, then I am more apt to be guided by man's changing attitudes and values and it takes a considerable amount of meaning from my existence. If the Bible is God's Word, and I choose to ignore it, the repercussions of eternal separation from all that is good is a greater price than I wish to pay for a few extra hours in this life time.

I have witnessed great blessings and a closeness to God that causes me to have much greater faith than the last two paragraphs would seem to indicate, but I came to those conclusions when I was far less convinced. I recently read the Nag Hamadi Library because it was a collection of writing by the Essenes who were walking the earth in the days of Christ. I am still reading the Dead Sea Scrolls and have been fascinated to learn that as recently as 1942 ancient scrolls were found that evidenced the fact that the Old Testament had been meticulously copied without changes for thousands of years. That seems nothing short of miraculous to me. There are no such documents that evidence the accuracy of the New Testament's first 150 years, but there is also nothing in the NT that contradicts the OT.

I am not a member of either church that I attend, because I live a life that is not condoned by the Bible. Even when I was married, I did not ask to be affiliated with the church because we do not believe in divorce for any reason other than infidelity and my husband was the unfaithful one in his previous marriage, so our marriage would never have been approved. For the past three years, I have been with men who were not my husband and who would not have been approved marriage partners according to the Scriptures. I do not wish to be an embarrassment to those members who are doing God's Will, because for me to ask to be a member would be to put them in the untenable position of either having to deny me or defend me. Everyone in both congregations and several others, loves me and is so kind to me. I would never want to put them in that awkward position. The Bible doesn't require me to "be a member" of a local church, but it does state that I am to come to worship whenever the group meets, so I do.

I will never be perfect, but I really only have one big temptation and that is my sexual need. The Bible tells us that we do need a mate to make our lives complete in this regard, so it is not as if sex were bad, but rather the situations in which we satisfy those needs. I would feel I was doing all that was asked of me if I could just forego that one desire or if I could fulfill it within the context approved by God. For a woman my age, that is not likely to happen.

This leads me to something you brought up a couple of times. You have teased me, as you did today, that I should make the most of your youth and virility while it is still yours to share. You seemed concerned as I was leaving that I did not recognize the fullness of this relationship for what it is and that perhaps I was limiting it to a sexual attraction. I'm not sure if you thought that I was doing that, or if you wanted to be sure I knew that you were not, but either way, there seemed to be an issue of sorts.

The lovemaking with you today was the most wonderful I have ever experienced. I am still glowing. As I said earlier, I was seeing you through different eyes and was much more appreciative of what I saw and felt. I wouldn't choose someone based physical attraction alone. Today, when I mentioned the body builder, what I didn't say was that he holds 7 titles, one of which was Mr. America within the past 10 years and he still competes and wins regularly. He takes testosterone injections and HGH and was pushing me to do the same, just so I could keep up with him sexually. He owns thousands of acres of groves in the area and wanted to help me with the land issues I face for the cats. He's been crazy about me for the past 5 years although I only started sleeping with him in November. His wife died 14 years ago and all he has talked about is that I am the only woman he has wanted to be with since then. I just broke up with him last week, without a tear and without a single thought that I may have made a mistake. Beauty, sexuality, and financial resources are all nice, but they are not the most important attributes a person can have.

For me, the most attractive part of any person is their attitude and their heart. How is that person making the world a little bit better place? Of course I am attracted to your physical beauty and your sensuality, but I am only beginning to see what a lovely person you are on the inside. The more I learn about you, the more I want to know. I am enjoying every minute!!! - Carole

Howie writes Carole: 19 Jan 2003 22:04:35 -0500

I think your philosophy is wonderful. I am convinced there is a spiritual force in the universe that we are part of, whether we call it "God" or not, and that one of your sentences captures the most important thing this force would ask of us: "I will have lived a good life and treated others the way I wanted to be treated."

I disagree with your Church on sex. I think our sexual desire is a blessing from God that allows us a way bond with another soul despite the fact that our souls are stuck in separate bodies. But, most people cannot use this gift responsibly and before birth control there was a powerful social reason (unwanted children) that made the rules very valuable. Maybe the church would say they agree, but only if married and approved by the church, so maybe all I disagree with is the latter.

But while I disagree with the views of your church on this, I heartily agree that we should respect each person's right to adopt the beliefs that come to him or her and that hopefully serve them well. I'm just sorry it seems to make you feel bad to a degree about something I think is so good.

If believing makes someone treat other people better, then I'm for that belief. Unfortunately I have found that some of the people who are most active in professing their religion are the most intolerant and behave toward others very poorly.

I think we already mentioned one or both of the two Covey quotes that I love, but they both come to mind. I may not have them exact:

"Love is a verb"

"We should not think of ourselves as humans having a spiritual experience. We should think of ourselves as spirits having a human experience."

My favorite all time pin button (not sure what you call them - the kind with words on them that you can pin on your shirt) is in my office. It says:

"God is coming......and She is pissed!"

My comment about sex being the "least reason" was to let you know how I feel. This is not in any way to diminish the wonderment of the sexual part. I believe the reason the sex is so good is because of other things we are feeling. I think we share something that is the single most important thing to me, and very rare: values.

It is harder for me to express certain things than I think it is for you. I can say them to myself, but saying or writing them to you feels like I am being "mushy". (Sorry - I had to delete the following two sentences. Another time. Not trying to be cute or coy.)

Someday, if it would not be a problem, I would enjoy attending one of the sermon's and/or classes. But if my presence would in any way be awkward or unwelcome, just say so.

Your friend only won those Mr. America titles because I chose not to compete.

I'm concerned that you may go to sleep so mellow tonight that you will not hear your alarm and miss some appointment tomorrow. Should I knock on your door at the time you want to get up to be sure? :-) (you are probably already asleep and won't read this until morning - see what you missed by turning in early?!) Let me know if you want to join us tomorrow evening (per other email re calendar). For the Minutes. - Howie