I Introduce Howie to Staff and Volunteers
Carole writes Howie At 12:31 PM 2/7/03 -0500:
Who could have known that beneath that serious facade would dwell such a romantic?! Every time I think of you I take a deep breath and feel at peace.
Should I? Shouldn't I? Should I... what the heck. From my journal this morning:
Last night I introduced Howie to the staff and volunteers at WOES during the Oldsmar Chamber of Commerce mixer. On the way home, in the glow of this new revelation of our mutual feelings, the theme song from Love Story came on the radio. Howie turned it up and we listened; each of us savouring the words and the moment in our own way. The next song to play was the theme song
from The Titanic. Howie's previous reference was to the movie in which a man gives up his life to keep the woman he loves alive after the sinking of the great ship. The tension was broken by both of us recognizing the music and bursting into laughter when I said, "Of course! The sinking ship song! How appropriate!"
In considering his analogy, I know he would never let me give him the last seat on a life boat, but I couldn't take it in his place either. Even thinking of all the people and animals that depend on me, I couldn't save my own life and live it without him. I wouldn't be of any use to anyone ever again if I were to have to face life without him. I have never felt this way before. Could it be that I actually
NEED someone?
Our lovemaking last night was with an even deeper understanding and connection to each other. It seemed that time stood still in the rapture of our embrace. When he wraps his arms around me I feel safe for the first time in my life. I know that this gentle giant is emotionally incapable of hurting me because it would be so foreign to his nature. His touch is so soothing, so healing and so empowering. I just can't get enough of him.
Wave after wave of emotion coursed through our bodies. I am overwhelmed with feeling that I have FINALLY found a good man. A man I can look up to, a man I can be proud of, a man I can love without fear. In that hypnotic way that he gazes straight into my soul, he broke the silent reverie of my thoughts with one sentence, "I love you, so very much!"
I breathed in his words. I let the profound sincerity of his manner soak in through every pore. I don't know if seconds passed, or moments or hours. I had waited a lifetime, or more, to know the bliss of this moment. The welling up of love for him spilled over in my own words, "I love you! I love you SO much!" and was followed by heaving sobs of joy. He held me while I cried and tried to comfort me, I suppose from not knowing the full reason behind my tears. I explained that I was crying because I had never been so happy. I have never known such joy. I am so happy! Thank you God!
Last night was his first night to stay over at the island. I will be going to his place tonight and can't wait to feel his arms around me again.
Should I hit send or delete... If you are reading this, I am more exposed than I ever thought I would allow. - Carole
Howie writes Carole 07 Feb 2003 14:07:27 -0500
Thank you for the bravery of hitting "send".
No, you don't "need" me, and if something happened to me, you would definitely survive like you have survived so much else. But that does not in any way take away from the wonderment of what we are both experiencing. I'm not as good at writing about it, and maybe not as brave at saying it, but I believe I share it equally. What my diary said, a few weeks ago, is that for the first time in my life I feel a sense of purpose. The happiness you have given me in the last few weeks seems to dwarf the happiness I have had in all my prior years. And what is really exciting is that we are just on Chapter 1. I hope it is a very long book. - Howie.
Carole writes Howie At 07:48 AM 2/7/03:
This was my mother's response to the blossoming of our love.
1 Corinthians 13: 1 If I had the gift of being able to speak in other languages without learning them and could speak in every language there is in all of heaven and earth, but didn't love others, I would only be making noise. 2 If I had the gift of prophecy and knew all about what is going to happen in the future, knew everything about everything, but didn't love others, what good would it do? Even if I had the gift of faith so that I could speak to a mountain and make it move, I would still be worth nothing at all without love. 3 If I gave everything I have to poor people, and if I were burned alive for preaching the Gospel but didn't love others, it would be of no value whatever.
4 Love is very patient and kind, never jealous or envious, never boastful or proud, 5 never haughty or selfish or rude. Love does not demand its own way. It is not irritable or touchy. It does not hold grudges and will hardly even notice when others do it wrong. 6 It is never glad about injustice, but rejoices whenever truth wins out. 7 If you love someone, you will be loyal to him no matter what the
cost. You will always believe in him, always expect the best of him, and always stand your ground in defending him.
8 All the special gifts and powers from God will someday come to an end, but love goes on forever. Someday prophecy and speaking in unknown languages and special knowledge-these gifts will disappear. 9 Now we know so little, even with our special gifts, and the preaching of those most gifted is still so poor. 10 But when we have been made perfect and complete, then the need for these
inadequate special gifts will come to an end, and they will disappear.
11 It's like this: when I was a child I spoke and thought and reasoned as a child does. But when I became a man my thoughts grew far beyond those of my childhood, and now I have put away the childish things. 12 In the same way, we can see and understand only a little about God now, as if we were peering at his reflection in a poor mirror; but someday we are going to see him in his completeness, face to face. Now all that I know is hazy and blurred, but then I will see everything clearly, just as clearly as God sees into my heart right now.
13 There are three things that remain-faith, hope, and love-and the greatest of these is love.
(The Living Bible version)
LOVE
The high esteem which God has for His human children and the high regard which they, in turn, should have for Him and other people. Because of the hundreds of references to love in the Bible, it is certainly the most remarkable book of love in the world. It records the greatest love story ever written-God's unconditional love for us that sent His Son to die on the cross (John 3:16; 1 John
4:10).
Love is not only one of God's attributes; it is also an essential part of His nature. "God is love," the Bible declares (1 John 4:8,16) - the personification of perfect love. Such love surpasses our powers of understanding (Eph 3:19). Love like this is everlasting (Jer 31:3), free (Hos 14:4), sacrificial (John 3:16), and enduring to the end (John 13:1).
Two distinct Greek words for love appear in the Bible. The word phileo means "to have ardent affection and feeling"-a type of impulsive love. The other word agapao means "to have esteem" or "high regard." In the memorable conversation between Jesus and Peter, there is a play upon these two words (John 21:15-17). Jesus asked, "Simon, do you love [esteem] me?" But Peter replied, "You know that I love [have ardent affection for] You." Then Jesus asked, "Simon, do you love [have ardent affection for] Me?" And Peter responded that his love was agape love-a love that held Jesus in high esteem and which was more than a fleeting feeling.
The warm word agape is the characteristic term of Christianity. This word for love is used several different ways in the Bible.
Agape love indicates the nature of the love of God toward His beloved Son (John 17:26), toward the human race generally (John 3:16; Rom 5:8), and toward those who believe on the Lord Jesus Christ (John 14:21).
Agape love conveys God's will to His children about their attitude toward one another. Love for one another was a proof to the world of true discipleship (John 13:34-35).
Agape love also expresses the essential nature of God (1 John 4:8). Love can be known only from the actions it prompts, as seen in God's love in the gift of His Son (1 John 4:9-10). Love found its perfect expression in the Lord Jesus. Christian love is the fruit of the Spirit of Jesus in the believer (Gal 5:22).
Love is like oil to the wheels of obedience. It enables us to run the way of God's commandments (Ps 119:32). Without such love, we are as nothing (1 Cor 13:3). Such Spirit-inspired love never fails (1 Cor 13:8) but always flourish. from Nelson's Illustrated Bible Dictionary, Copyright (c)1986, Thomas Nelson Publishers
Howie writes Carole 07 Feb 2003 10:52:14
I like her. :-)
I've been writing my story since I was able to write, but when the media goes to share it, they only choose the parts that fit their idea of what will generate views. If I'm going to share my story, it should be the whole story. The titles are the dates things happened. If you have any interest in who I really am please start at the beginning of this playlist: http://savethecats.org/
I know there will be people who take things out of context and try to use them to validate their own misconception, but you have access to the whole story. My hope is that others will recognize themselves in my words and have the strength to do what is right for themselves and our shared planet.
You can help feed the cats at no cost to you using Amazon Smile!
Visit BigCatRescue.org/Amazon-smile
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Music (if any) from Epidemic Sound (http://www.epidemicsound.com) This video is for entertainment purposes only and is my opinion.