How To Introduce Howie to The Family

Carole writes Howie:

Well you could set a calendar by my body. The next date to watch out for is Mar. 20, which works out perfect as I should be in Ft. Worth for the last of it and over it by the time we leave for NY.

You mentioned that you were booking rooms and flights. Let me know what I owe you and I will bring a check. You agreed early on that I could pay my own way on trips. You also set the rule that if you ask me out somewhere locally you pay and the reverse is necessarily fair, so I put your 40.00 in the front cover of your book downstairs where Crystal sleeps. I can see that this could become a huge test of wills and creativity in trying to find some way to pass the money back and forth, if I didn't remind you of your own rule ;-)

I am uncertain how to proceed with getting you and my family all around a table. I always pay everyone's way when our family gets together. My mother will sometimes try to fight me for the check, but usually concedes unless it is my birthday or something. My father doesn't eat with us unless it is my birthday or his. My extended family has no problem in letting me pay and none of my mates has ever had a problem with it, except Jay, but he made 400k a year and was in the habit of feeding huge troops of people that he called friends.

I don't want to make you uncomfortable, but I don't want you paying the bill either, because just my brother's clan can be 5-8 people, so I am open for suggestions about how to handle this. If you want to split it with me at the time, I can reimburse you in cash privately later. I get a couple hundred in cash per month that I don't have to account to anyone for. (Jamie reimburses me for her insurance in cash each month, not anything weird...). I am late for the gym. - Carole

Howie writes Carole: You have left me quivering this morning. Uncle....I concede on the $40 and will find it.

It has always been my habit to play the traditional male role and pay for dates. And while the women I have dated have generally had careers, in most cases I was better off financially so this made sense. Most occasionally wanted to reciprocate, particularly if there was a reason like treating me for my birthday or as a special thanks for something, or just to participate occasionally. I'm not a fanatic about it, I just don't want you, out of past habit, thinking you have to bear the brunt of our entertainment expense.

Separately, I think it is wonderful that you have been so financially successful, far more than I have. As far as I know, I don't have any big ego issues about that, but I think I would have a problem feeling that you were bearing the brunt of expense. If you were someone who enjoyed expensive things that I felt I could not afford, like exotic trips, there might be a problem because I think I would feel "kept" and be very uncomfortable. But you don't, so it does not appear to be an issue.

Let's chat about family. Some thoughts: Gathering them all around a table is probably not a good way to meet them. One can only chat personally with one person or couple at a time. I'd be more inclined to meet your sister and brother on one occasion, your mom on another. If you dad does not tend to participate, it could be just lunch with your mom some time. And one way to avoid the check issue with your brother is we could do dinner here, which I would be delighted to do. If it is really important to you to pay for part of the food for that you can, but it really is not necessary. A better idea would be to let me do that, and then another time when we might eat out with them you can pay if you like.

There is no rush or urgency either. I'm interested to meet your Mom and brother because they appear to be important parts of your life. But I don't feel left out or have any problem with not having met them or not meeting them, and I certainly don't want it to be something that causes you any stress. When you actively feel like you would enjoy our socializing with them is when we should. If I'm going to spend more time with your dad, can I borrow your skating helmet? :-)

Re trip, when I spoke of splitting expenses I more had in mind a situation where we decided to take a vacation. Here, I've asked you to come to introduce you to friends and attend a function to keep me company and would gladly have paid. However, I have a feeling I'd lose that battle and find the cash tied to Crystal's tail or something. Probably easiest is if I pick up the airfare, and then as bills arise,

like the various hotels and meals, you pick up some to approximate half. That way if you find you can deduct this as a business trip, you have discreet bills on your credit card rather than a check to me to work from. But happy to do whatever works best for you.

I too get a few hundred a month that I don't have to account to anyone for - but only because the cats don't ask. I hope you are not too uncomfortable today. - Howie

Carole writes Howie: Dear Howie, With each thought of you I smile and sigh deeply. Such a wave of peace courses through my veins. It often leaves me feeling there are no words to express the bliss and I am content to just feel you. It is so easy to be with you because you never seem to seek explanation from me and seem to know my heart, but I don't suppose that can always be the case and I wish to clarify something about a question you asked this morning.

There is nothing in the Bible that says you have to "join" a local congregation to go to heaven. On the contrary the Bible states that when people obey God, that He adds them to His church in a universal sense. I obeyed when I was 12. When I say that I have never joined the church, I mean that I have never formally asked to be recognized as a member of the Church of Christ that worships at Citrus Park.

To do so isn't anything terribly formal, but rather just for me to state that I wish to be a part of the group that meets there and they would announce to the congregation that I had asked to do so. There isn't any sort of voting, nor investigation, nor any other qualifying. There is a little directory of member's names and phone numbers that they compile for each other to stay in contact and I would be added to that list, but that is about the extent of it. Everyone there gets Cat Tales, so they all know how to reach me. As a member I would be expected to give financially as I have been blessed, but I have always done so anyway.

The Bible tells us not to keep company with sinners because we are prone to be like the people we associate with. For that reason, even though I am always invited, I rarely ever attend potlucks in the park or anything where the "members" get together outside of worship just to socialize. I don't want young people growing up in the church to think that it is okay to live like I do just because they see that I am otherwise a good person.

This is part of the same reason that I have never asked to be recognized as a part of this group. Anyone who knows me would argue that my sex life outside of an approved marriage shouldn't be enough to keep me from Heaven and I am hoping that God will be as lenient, but it is a bad example that is almost made worse by the fact that I am well loved there. If I could live my life by two words, it would be: No Excuses. I don't make them for myself and I don't want others making them for me. I have chosen the life I live and no one is responsible for it but me.

You do not cause me to fail in my responsibilities to God nor as an example to others. I was failing just fine before I met you. :-) It is sort of a moment by moment failing at that. I don't believe that the ends justify the means. My sin is in my attitude of making my desires more important than doing what I believe to be right. I don't believe that it is okay to have premarital sex with you based upon

the hope that one day it will be post marital sex and thus justified. I know myself well enough to know that if it weren't with you then it would have been with someone else, because I need the intimacy. Now, perhaps, it would be the Teal Rabbit, but he wasn't a player before. Does he count? ;-)

All of this is a lot more verbiage than was probably necessary to let you know that I am not agonizing over this. I am not being kept from anything and there is no pressure on you to change the status quo. "The universe is unfolding, exactly as it should" to quote the song. I am enjoying every moment of that unfolding. - Carole

Howie write Carole: Hmmm - will have to research that.

Actually, I got us what I think is a good deal on a 4 star hotel right at corner of central park. From it we can walk to the Metropolitan Museum of Art through the park Friday afternoon. Was thinking you were going to let me know if you would be visiting tonight? Very happy to have you here, but totally up to you and how you are feeling.

On a marketing note: "It's one thing to go to Busch Gardens, it's another to stand three feet from a tiger!" But if you don't want to negative comparison, we could alter make the Busch Gardens something more generic. - Howie

I've been writing my story since I was able to write, but when the media goes to share it, they only choose the parts that fit their idea of what will generate views. If I'm going to share my story, it should be the whole story. The titles are the dates things happened. If you have any interest in who I really am please start at the beginning of this playlist: http://savethecats.org/

I know there will be people who take things out of context and try to use them to validate their own misconception, but you have access to the whole story. My hope is that others will recognize themselves in my words and have the strength to do what is right for themselves and our shared planet.

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Music (if any) from Epidemic Sound (http://www.epidemicsound.com) This video is for entertainment purposes only and is my opinion.