Love and Sex

The photo was last night when Howie was playing with Jamie’s dog Hurley and being watched by Babylon the cat.

This morning Howie pounced into the bed and said, “We have an emergency!” He ripped off his pajamas did need immediate attention. All I could say afterwards was, “Well, aren’t YOU full of surprises?”

I came in to my computer to start my day and am now in tears at the beautiful letter he wrote his cousin Alan last night:

February 6, 2017

Dear Al,

Over the years I think the only mail you have ever got from me was sent as humor like the recent defective golf shoes letter (for which I am still expecting payment.) Or like the enclosed “Anatomy of a Kvetch.”

This is not one of those letters.

I have been thinking of you multiple times each day since we last spoke. I did not want to call again because it so clearly exhausted you. So I decided to write.

I am so very sorry to hear you struggling so. The closest I can personally identify to what you are describing in terms of lack of energy is the recovery from my heart surgery two years ago. In addition to the normal strain of such surgery I lost a lot of blood and was very anemic. If I did as much as get up and use the bathroom, I was so exhausted I had to go back to sleep in the recliner.

I had the psychological benefit of knowing “this too shall pass.” It is unclear to me if you are still having the Cleveland Clinic there do tests? I so hope you can find a cause and a solution for this.

Speaking of Cleveland Clinic, you probably saved my life by insisting I go there. You may or may not recall, but the doctor there, who only does mitral valve work and has done more than any person in the world, said mine was one of the most difficult he had ever done. The doctor I had picked out here in Tampa was of course very good. But I have real doubts about whether he could have handled that level of difficulty and whether I would have had such a good outcome, or even lived.

I have always felt that you and I had a very unique bond. It started of course with your relationship with Mom. Even in the most difficult of times, if your name came up, it brought a smile to her face and triggered a glint in her eye. Rick still remembers as a youngster the time you showed up at the door unannounced. He had no idea who you are and I cannot right now recall the clowning you did with him, but he still tells the story.

In reflecting on that bond, it occurs to me that I think in part it was based on two things we have in common. One was simply operating with integrity, a relatively rare value these days. I remember your explaining to me why you quit litigating – because the judges were crooked and you were not going to play that game. Your integrity was a common thread thoughout all of our discussions on any topic over the years.

When Mom was close to the end she called me to her bedside one day. This brings tears to my eyes as I write and I have to pause. She said “I hope you are successful in your life however you decide to define it. It may be money or your job. I just want you to remember one thing. No matter how successful you are in your career or your finances, something or someone one can always take it away. There is only one thing that nobody but you can take away from you – and that is your honor.”

That is how I have tried to live my life and I honestly believe I have. It is how you lived yours I believe.

The second thing that strikes me we uniquely have in common is our bantering sense of humor. I cannot think of anyone who could give me back as well as I gave more than you. And because we had similar senses of humor, I think we both could appreciate the other’s humor. I am reminded of that glorious day on the golf course…”Hey Alan” “What?” “Ever hit it into that water?” I would not trade all the holes in one in the world for that 18th hole eagle!

And speaking of your humor brings to mind the time at my townhouse in Kendall when you went into my bedroom to use the bathroom, found a speedo style bathing suit I must have had hanging there, and came prancing out with it on. I remember Sadye screaming – I thought she was literally going to shit.

There is one other thing that we are truly blessed to have in common. I think you recall my friend Marshall Toplansky and may or may not remember his parents Irma and Eli. Irma was like a second mother to me. She passed just last year. Fortunately I got to go up to Poughkeepsie for her 90th birthday party, She was in a wheel chair with an oxygen tank, but as alert as ever and surrounded by many long time friends. And of course I prepared a humorous element where I took photos from over the years and captioned them. It is enclosed in case you want to peek. You did not know her to have the personal side of the humor. Not my best – the photos did not give me that much to work with. But it lightened up the event.

Why they come to mind is about 25 years ago I was visiting them in Poughkeepsie. Eli had been a competitive runner in his youth. He was about 70 at the time and could no longer jog but loved to walk, so we took a walk. That was back when I could take a long walk, speaking of the toll age takes. Now my back aches after 100 yards. Anyway, we were walking and I said to Eli “As you look back at life at 70 (which at that time I thought was very old – how our perspective changes with time!) … as you look back at life at 70, what strikes you as most important?” Without hesitation he said “the love of a good woman.”

You and I have been so blessed in that regard. We similarly finding it later on in life. I so wish Mom could have met Carole. Mom would be so pleased to know how happy she has made me. And one element of that is our ability to make each other laugh and banter without offense. As I observed your interaction with Phyll over the years I have often thought how similar your relationship seems to be. And, like integrity, a marriage like that is so very, very rare. Maybe 10% of marriages at most? We are so lucky.

I have a number of photo collages hanging on the wall of my office here. One is a photo of you, Phyll and me at my townhome when I was in law school. You still had red hair and mine was long enough to half cover my ears. And Phyll has such a glowing smile in that photo. You – eh, not so much. ☺ I see it often and think of you both.

There are many other memories, like the look on your face when I would put one by you on the tennis court. But I’ll stop.

Mostly Alan I just wanted to write and make sure you know how much you have meant to me in my life, and what a positive influence you have had on it. I’m choking up thinking about it. And perhaps because we are so similar is so many ways, over the years as I watched age take its toll on you, I often looked at you and felt like I was looking into a mirror but 20 years into the future.

At 46 approaching 50 I thought I was getting old. Hah! What a laugh that is now. Now 46 seems so young. So for you at what, 87 or 88 now, my whining about age at 66 probably seems like a joke. But, I have outlived both Mom and Dad by more than a decade and do wonder is it the 8th inning I am in or bottom of the 9th? We never know.

I hope you are not letting the exhaustion stop you from taking whatever measures you can to continue to try to find out what is causing this and get past it. As I have told you before, I am counting on you to eloquently say nice things at my funeral!

Thinking of you daily and please tell Phyll I am thinking of her as well.

Aka Eagle Man

Hi, I’m Carole Baskin and I’ve been writing my story since I was able to write, but when the media goes to share it, they only choose the parts that fit their idea of what will generate views. If I'm going to share my story, it should be the whole story. The titles are the dates things happened. If you have any interest in who I really am please start at the beginning of this playlist: http://savethecats.org/

I know there will be people who take things out of context and try to use them to validate their own misconception, but you have access to the whole story. My hope is that others will recognize themselves in my words and have the strength to do what is right for themselves and our shared planet.

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Music (if any) from Epidemic Sound (http://www.epidemicsound.com) This video is for entertainment purposes only and is my opinion. Closing graphic with permission from https://youtu.be/F_AtgWMfwrk