The Best Years: Recent Episodes
Dr. Darlene
TheBESTyears podcast is for You! Are you a Teenager, Newly Married, a New Parent or Entrepreneur, Empty Nester, or are you in your wonderful Golden Years! This podcast is for those who want more... For those feeling empty, feeling low, or possibly feeling invisible.... Do you have too much weight on your shoulders, find it hard to say no, feel responsible, and life is not that much fun or worth it? Do you want to have passion or have you lost the passion you used to have? Are you working on your relationships, your health, your money, or your weight? Are you wondering how to transition from one stage to the next? My tool bag is full to help you in any stage of life. I will help you on an actions level and/or help you understand your unconscious mind. The unconscious is what rules your deep beliefs, your identity, your triggers from the past, and your internal motivation. It is SO powerful and quick to find what is in the subconscious and then rapidly make lasting change. My podcasts focuses on four categories of life... 1. Personal empowerment: Time management, self-esteem, limiting beliefs, sometime losing our children, losing our parents. Losing lots of things!! 2. Relationships : with your teenagers, with your aging parents, with your grown children, with your spouse and girlfriend/boyfriend. 3. Business: what’s your dream, what do you want to be when you grow up, system structures accountability 4. Health and fitness. I taught aerobics for 24 years. Learn to increase your strength, flexibility whole program. The truth??? Yes these are the BEST years of your life. Right now. Each stage is amazing! Come with me and let’s enjoy this awesome time! To stay in touch you can check out www.whatstopsyou.com and follow me on social media @TheBestYearsWithDrDarlene. Please subscribe to TheBESTyears Podcast on iTunes and tweet and share!
Join Dr. Darlene as she speaks with Summer Rona about the upcoming AnyoneCan Communicate through the Lifespan Summit. Scheduled for Dec. 1, 2022 -Dec. 3. 2022
Join the summit free when you purchase Dr. Darlene's new Kindle book, PowerUp Your Marriage, available on Amazon
Make sure to visit www.lifespancommunicationsummit.com to join us for all of the speakers.
Join Dr. Darlene as she speaks with Ray Franklin about the upcoming AnyoneCan Communicate through the Lifespan Summit. Scheduled for Dec. 1, 2022 -Dec. 3. 2022
Join the summit free when you purchase Dr. Darlene's new Kindle book, PowerUp Your Marriage, available on Amazon
Make sure to visit www.lifespancommunicationsummit.com to join us for all of the speakers.
Join Dr. Darlene as she speaks with Mark Maxon about the upcoming AnyoneCan Communicate through the Lifespan Summit. Scheduled for Dec. 1, 2022 -Dec. 3. 2022
Join the summit free when you purchase Dr. Darlene's new Kindle book, PowerUp Your Marriage, available on Amazon
Make sure to visit www.lifespancommunicationsummit.com to join us for all of the speakers.
Join Dr. Darlene as she speaks with Kristen Duke about the upcoming AnyoneCan Communicate through the Lifespan Summit. Scheduled for Dec. 1, 2022 -Dec. 3. 2022
Join the summit free when you purchase Dr. Darlene's new Kindle book, PowerUp Your Marriage, available on Amazon
Make sure to visit her website for more information www.whatstopsyou.com
Join Dr. Darlene as she speaks with Kathleen Gage about the upcoming AnyoneCan Communicate through the Lifespan Summit. Scheduled for Dec. 1, 2022 -Dec. 3. 2022
Join the summit free when you purchase Dr. Darlene's new Kindle book, PowerUp Your Marriage, available on Amazon
Make sure to visit her website for more information www.whatstopsyou.com
Join Dr. Darlene as she speaks with Julie Anderson about the upcoming AnyoneCan Communicate through the Lifespan Summit. Scheduled for Dec. 1, 2022 -Dec. 3. 2022
Join the summit free when you purchase Dr. Darlene's new Kindle book, PowerUp Your Marriage, available on Amazon
Make sure to visit her website for more information www.whatstopsyou.com
Join Dr. Darlene as she speaks with Jason Latas about the upcoming AnyoneCan Communicate through the Lifespan Summit. Scheduled for Dec. 1, 2022 -Dec. 3. 2022
Join the summit free when you purchase Dr. Darlene's new Kindle book, PowerUp Your Marriage, available on Amazon
Make sure to visit her website for more information www.whatstopsyou.com
Join Dr. Darlene as she speaks with Diane Conklin about the upcoming AnyoneCan Communicate through the Lifespan Summit. Make sure to visit her website for more information www.whatstopsyou.com
Join Dr. Darlene as she speaks with Christiane Turner about the upcoming AnyoneCan Communicate through the Lifespan Summit. Make sure to visit her website for more information www.whatstopsyou.com
Join Dr. Darlene as she speaks with VLynn Hawkins about the upcoming AnyoneCan Communicate through the Lifespan Summit. Scheduled for Dec. 1, 2022 -Dec. 3. 2022
Join the summit free when you purchase Dr. Darlene's new Kindle book, PowerUp Your Marriage, available on Amazon
Make sure to visit her website for more information www.whatstopsyou.com
Join Dr. Darlene as she speaks with Amira Mansour about the upcoming AnyoneCan Communicate through the Lifespan Summit. Scheduled for Dec. 1, 2022 -Dec. 3. 2022
Join the summit free when you purchase Dr. Darlene's new Kindle book, PowerUp Your Marriage, available on Amazon
Make sure to visit her website for more information www.whatstopsyou.com
Who am I? Who are you? According to whom? Lets joing together and get this figured out.
How do you talk about your dad, your hero, leaving you through death? My ex-husband was killed about nine years ago in a tragic motorcycle accident. My youngest daughter Eden Marie Rona was 16 at the time. She chose to write about her experience in one of her English classes. I am honored to read this loving and heartfelt letter to you. Thanks for listening! If you enjoyed today's episode I would be grateful if you would leave me a quick review and rating on iTunes (click here) so I have feedback! Also, subscribe if you haven't already so you can be alerted when a new episode comes out. That would mean the world to me, thank you so much!
If you want the episode show notes and a full transcript go to www.whatstopsyou.com
I would Love to hear your comments on today’s topic! How this information has helped you?
Talk soon Dar-lings!
“Stop the noise, stop the traffic, and stop bugging me!” She yells. “Excuse me; is the screaming in my mind bothering you?”
Do you have Hurry-Sickness? Does standing in a long line that is not moving freak you out? Do you want to alleviate stress so you can enjoy your days? How would this affect your business and personal life? Have you ever wondered what a stress-free life would be like?
The truth is that a stress-free life would be boring and would have no purpose or passion. A stress-free life would be useless and sad. Based on Webster’s definitions, we can see that stress is what causes us to grow and experience life.
We will talk about the fact that sources of stress are really PERCEIVED sources of stress. It is really about the beliefs or stories you tell yourself that cause the feeling of stress.. We go over all types of ways to feel better and use stress management activities and ways of thinking differently.
Thanks for listening! If you enjoyed today's episode I would be grateful if you would leave me a quick review and rating on iTunes (click here) so I have feedback! Also, subscribe if you haven't already so you can be alerted when a new episode comes out. That would mean the world to me, thank you so much!
If you want the episode show notes and a full transcript go to www.whatstopsyou.com
I would Love to hear your comments on todays topic! How this information has helped you?
Talk soon Dar-lings!
The old black and white movies show the hypnotist with his swinging crystal on a chain, the pendulum waving back and forth until he has control of his subject’s mind. The awaited command is finally given: “Kill him.” The zombie opens his glazed eyes and in his altered state, rises to complete his assigned mission. His robotical motions propel him towards the task that will not be defeated until he has dispersed blood and left the lifeless body in the river.
The mystery of hypnosis is as old as the ages. What is it? How does it occur? And is it indeed factual?
A trance is a common and natural state; everyone experiences different levels of trance many times each day whether it is driving to work or using the computer.
What is hypnosis? Hypnosis is a deeper, guided state of trance that includes a state of relaxation with the conscious mind clear and the unconscious mind open and receptive to change at a deep level. It is a state of mind that goes into “The Nothing.” The mind is just open and nowhere. When in a trance the body feels light or as if the body is absent. Another form of trance is a state of heightened receptivity with intense internal focus and concentration where the rest of the world is shut off.
You may say, “I can’t be hypnotized.” That idea is false! The correct statement is, “I won’t allow someone to guide me into a state of hypnosis.” It is important to note that with permission – and permission only – can a hypnotist guide a client to this state and offer suggestions that will seep quickly into the unconscious.
Just as one cannot “make” another go into a state of sleep, no one can “make” another go into a state of trance. You would not say, “I can’t go to sleep.” You would say, “I can’t be made to go to sleep.” If one has permission to guide the other into a state of sleep, then they may gently say calming phrases, rub their arm or use other methods to induce sleep. Only with permission in the same way can someone guide another into a trance.
Humans have the most advanced brain of the entire animal world. Human minds have something called the critical factor. The critical factor is one’s reasoning between the conscious and the unconscious mind. The critical factor is always in place to keep you safe and in line with your moral boundaries. No hypnotist can make another person do anything that they are not actually willing to do, because the critical factor, is aware of behaviors even at an unconscious level.
Therapeutic hypnotherapists use permission and value-based inductions. They say words you want to hear and agree with such as, “While you relax… for a very good purpose you have come here today… as you notice what is important in your life, you allow yourself to relax ten times more,” etc.
Stage hypnosis is different from therapeutic hypnosis. Stage hypnotherapists use an authoritarian method; they give commands rather than suggestions. “You WILL hold on to this rope, You WILL stand up, etc” Some people are more predisposed to authoritarian-based hypnosis while others are more suggestible to permission-based hypnosis. The stage hypnotist has a four part screening process that sifts out participants to get the outgoing, outrageous personalities on stage sort out those who would not contribute to the fun of the show:
- The hypnotist invites only those who want to come on stage. People who are not “show offs” do not come on stage.
- They give a command such as “Hold the rope tighter and tighter” and notices who is suggestible to the authoritarian commands. All those that are not get kicked off stage.
- They notice who has a fun, entertaining personality. If they do not, they are asked to leave the stage.
- The hypnotist notices who is attentive, who can just let go of caring, go into a trance and be obedient. If they are not, they are kicked off.
The remaining participants on stage are the ones that allow the show to go on. If someone does not contribute to the show, the hypnotist systematically has them leave the stage. Yes, the participants on stage are actually in a deep state of hypnosis. Yes, they are hypnotized and yes, it is real. The audience is simply not aware of his masterful screening process, so it appears that he has just grabbed a group of random people and is able to control their minds. In actuality, there is no control going on, only a permission-based trance with the appropriate levels of suggestibility.
Keep in mind that mind control, or brainwashing, and hypnosis are completely different. Webster’s dictionary defines brainwashing as “a forcible indoctrination to induce someone to give up basic political, social, or religious beliefs and attitudes and to accept contrasting regimented ideas” Now, this may happen over time as someone is lead to believe something on both the conscious and unconscious levels. And most specifically when one is young and formidable. For example, let’s say you were taught that on each Thursday, in order to please God you were to jump up and down before the fireplace five times and shout “Praise the Lord.” You may begin to believe this as you watch your whole family join in this ritual over the years. This is not mind control; it may be called environmentally formed beliefs or family beliefs, some may call it brainwashing but some may call it training. Hypnosis would not be necessary to accomplish this belief formation. You don’t need to be in a trance to be trained/brainwashed.
Meditation is a form of self-hypnosis where one is self-guided into a relaxed and heightened state of concentration. They may have a predetermined mantra or affirmation that they say or think to themselves while meditating. In the state of trance, suggestions implant deeper in the inner workings of the mind. This is a wonderful process for self-development and inner power.
Hypnosis is powerful and effective. When hypnosis is combined with other action-oriented methods, possibilities of success are endless. Call your hypnotherapist and schedule your impactful session today.
Thanks for listening! If you enjoyed today's episode I would be grateful if you would leave me a quick review and rating on iTunes (click here) so I have feedback! Also, subscribe if you haven't already so you can be alerted when a new episode comes out. That would mean the world to me, thank you so much!
If you want the episode show notes and a full transcript go to www.whatstopsyou.com
I would Love to hear your comments on todays topic! How this information has helped you?
Talk soon Dar-lings!
My best friend these days seems to be my computer. It can play music, help me communicate with other people via email, help me scan the globe with an insurmountable amount of information via the www and to top it off it remembers everything I tell it. It’s memory is amazing. In a second’s time it can retrieve any info that it has stored, even from years ago. My other great friend is my fax machine. I can input tons of into and sure enough, just as programmed, it too spits out the documents perfectly in the right order. My copier is a true blue buddy. Making a perfect copy of what is on the original doc. How in the heck does it remember everything and copy it accurately. In addiction, my colleague “Three Way Call” is a very necessary part of my life. It so expertly connects two human voices from anywhere in the whole entire world. How does it do that? And call waiting; puts the circuits on hold while I am on another call and keeps the connection live for my timely return. How does that happen?
I lie in my bed and thank my best friends for being so great…..but I lay awake all nigth wondering how I can keep them busy since they are all so willing to work 24 hours a day. I have a stomach ache and my head hurts. I get up to drink some warm milk and my mind races.
The next day at the psychiatrist's office he promptly prescribes valium and/or anxiety meds. He treats me for depression and heavily medicates me because I can hardly keep my mind in order these days. Nothing seems to help.
Then one day, while chatting with my Life Coach that was assisting me in making sense of my miserable life, he profoundly said, “You seem to be best friends with robots that have no internal intrinsic purpose, passion, or feelings. They never feel bad and never have joy. And by the way, you are not a robot!”
My “awe” caught my breath. “No I am NOT a robot!” Yet I have surrounded myself with these aliens all the while thinking we were equals and that they were assisting me in my journey towards success and happiness. My Life Coach helped me realize that my mind was limited by the human brain and body and could process only about 5 bits of information on a conscious level at the same time. That is less than my beautiful computer–she can process billions of information at the same time. Hey that is not fair; no life does not seem fair when we compare apples to horses.
Information overload….is an epidemic that man himself created. We crafted robots to run high speed information across the globe but we forget to acknowledge our human frailties that not keep up with the robots. We need to remember that we need breaks in the mid day for our bodies and minds. We need 8 hours of uninterrupted sleep each and every night. We need to constantly organize our minds with day timers and planners and say “No” more often. We need to change our sensory input to right and left stimulus and look up at the sky and count our blessings and acknowledge God. We must remember that we are children of a greater being and that we are spiritual beings having a human experience. Life is to enjoy and it is possible when we let the robots do their tasks and recognize our limitations savoring our human abilities and uniqueness.
Thanks for listening! If you enjoyed today's episode I would be grateful if you would leave me a quick review and rating on iTunes (click here) so I have feedback! Also, subscribe if you haven't already so you can be alerted when a new episode comes out. That would mean the world to me, thank you so much!
If you want the episode show notes and a full transcript go to www.whatstopsyou.com
I would Love to hear your comments on todays topic! How this information has helped you?
Talk soon Dar-lings!
NLP stands for Neuro linguistic programming. Neuro, the mind; linguistics, thinking patterns; and programming, how it all comes together- our minds have programs that run.
It all started when two scientists, Bandler and Grinder, a computer programmer, and a linguist, decided to have lunch in the early 1970s. Over a sandwich they realized that their areas of expertise were not so different. They began to understand that a computer operates much the same way as the human mind does. They started modeling the internal thinking patterns of those people who are successful and realized they could create a step-by-step process to teach people who didn’t have the same skill. It was magical, people were making changes in one moment!!
They came up with 16 NLP presuppositions which are basic beliefs or assumptions that exist in human behavior. These assumptions are what therapists/counselors/coaches/helpers, presuppose are occurring naturally in human behavior. . Just like a geologist has basic assumptions about the earth, assumptions such as, gravity exists, Inertia occurs, photosynthesis occurs, and the sun comes up each day in the east. After these assumptions are understood then the geologist can discover more about how the world operates. Human behavior is the same way. These 16 presuppositions are super powerful yet quite counterintuitive. There are five parts to this series and I hope you enjoy learning and revisiting each one and applying it in your life.
Results will be: greater understanding, forgiveness, patience, lack of judgment, better communication and better at creating your own life.
Thanks for listening! If you enjoyed today's episode I would be grateful if you would leave me a quick review and rating on iTunes (click here) so I have feedback! Also, subscribe if you haven't already so you can be alerted when a new episode comes out. That would mean the world to me, thank you so much!
If you want the episode show notes and a full transcript go to www.whatstopsyou.com
I would Love to hear your comments on todays topic! How this information has helped you?
Talk soon Dar-lings!
NLP stands for Neuro linguistic programming. Neuro, the mind; linguistics, thinking patterns; and programming, how it all comes together- our minds have programs that run.
It all started when two scientists, Bandler and Grinder, a computer programmer, and a linguist, decided to have lunch in the early 1970s. Over a sandwich they realized that their areas of expertise were not so different. They began to understand that a computer operates much the same way as the human mind does. They started modeling the internal thinking patterns of those people who are successful and realized they could create a step-by-step process to teach people who didn’t have the same skill. It was magical, people were making changes in one moment!!
They came up with 16 NLP presuppositions which are basic beliefs or assumptions that exist in human behavior. These assumptions are what therapists/counselors/coaches/helpers, presuppose are occurring naturally in human behavior. . Just like a geologist has basic assumptions about the earth, assumptions such as, gravity exists, Inertia occurs, photosynthesis occurs, and the sun comes up each day in the east. After these assumptions are understood then the geologist can discover more about how the world operates. Human behavior is the same way. These 16 presuppositions are super powerful yet quite counterintuitive. There are five parts to this series and I hope you enjoy learning and revisiting each one and applying it in your life.
Results will be: greater understanding, forgiveness, patience, lack of judgment, better communication and better at creating your own life.
Thanks for listening! If you enjoyed today's episode I would be grateful if you would leave me a quick review and rating on iTunes (click here) so I have feedback! Also, subscribe if you haven't already so you can be alerted when a new episode comes out. That would mean the world to me, thank you so much!
If you want the episode show notes and a full transcript go to www.whatstopsyou.com
I would Love to hear your comments on todays topic! How this information has helped you?
Talk soon Dar-lings!
NLP stands for Neuro linguistic programming. Neuro, the mind; linguistics, thinking patterns; and programming, how it all comes together- our minds have programs that run.
It all started when two scientists, Bandler and Grinder, a computer programmer, and a linguist, decided to have lunch in the early 1970s. Over a sandwich they realized that their areas of expertise were not so different. They began to understand that a computer operates much the same way as the human mind does. They started modeling the internal thinking patterns of those people who are successful and realized they could create a step-by-step process to teach people who didn’t have the same skill. It was magical, people were making changes in one moment!!
They came up with 16 NLP presuppositions which are basic beliefs or assumptions that exist in human behavior. These assumptions are what therapists/counselors/coaches/helpers, presuppose are occurring naturally in human behavior. . Just like a geologist has basic assumptions about the earth, assumptions such as, gravity exists, Inertia occurs, photosynthesis occurs, and the sun comes up each day in the east. After these assumptions are understood then the geologist can discover more about how the world operates. Human behavior is the same way. These 16 presuppositions are super powerful yet quite counterintuitive. There are five parts to this series and I hope you enjoy learning and revisiting each one and applying it in your life.
Results will be: greater understanding, forgiveness, patience, lack of judgment, better communication and better at creating your own life.
Thanks for listening! If you enjoyed today's episode I would be grateful if you would leave me a quick review and rating on iTunes (click here) so I have feedback! Also, subscribe if you haven't already so you can be alerted when a new episode comes out. That would mean the world to me, thank you so much!
If you want the episode show notes and a full transcript go to www.whatstopsyou.com
I would Love to hear your comments on today's topic! How this information has helped you?
Talk soon Dar-lings!
NLP stands for Neuro linguistic programming. Neuro, the mind; linguistics, thinking patterns; and programming, how it all comes together- our minds have programs that run.
It all started when two scientists, Bandler and Grinder, a computer programmer, and a linguist, decided to have lunch in the early 1970s. Over a sandwich they realized that their areas of expertise were not so different. They began to understand that a computer operates much the same way as the human mind does. They started modeling the internal thinking patterns of those people who are successful and realized they could create a step-by-step process to teach people who didn’t have the same skill. It was magical, people were making changes in one moment!!
They came up with 16 NLP presuppositions which are basic beliefs or assumptions that exist in human behavior. These assumptions are what therapists/counselors/coaches/helpers, presuppose are occurring naturally in human behavior. . Just like a geologist has basic assumptions about the earth, assumptions such as, gravity exists, Inertia occurs, photosynthesis occurs, and the sun comes up each day in the east. After these assumptions are understood then the geologist can discover more about how the world operates. Human behavior is the same way. These 16 presuppositions are super powerful yet quite counterintuitive. There are five parts to this series and I hope you enjoy learning and revisiting each one and applying it in your life.
Results will be: greater understanding, forgiveness, patience, lack of judgment, better communication and better at creating your own life
Thanks for listening! If you enjoyed today's episode I would be grateful if you would leave me a quick review and rating on iTunes (click here) so I have feedback! Also, subscribe if you haven't already so you can be alerted when a new episode comes out. That would mean the world to me, thank you so much!
If you want the episode show notes and a full transcript go to www.whatstopsyou.com
I would Love to hear your comments on todays topic! How this information has helped you?
Talk soon Dar-lings!
NLP stands for Neuro linguistic programming. Neuro, the mind; linguistics, thinking patterns; and programming, how it all comes together- our minds have programs that run.
It all started when two scientists, Bandler and Grinder, a computer programmer, and a linguist, decided to have lunch in the early 1970s. Over a sandwich they realized that their areas of expertise were not so different. They began to understand that a computer operates much the same way as the human mind does. They started modeling the internal thinking patterns of those people who are successful and realized they could create a step-by-step process to teach people who didn’t have the same skill. It was magical, people were making changes in one moment!!
They came up with 16 NLP presuppositions which are basic beliefs or assumptions that exist in human behavior. These assumptions are what therapists/counselors/coaches/helpers, presuppose are occurring naturally in human behavior. . Just like a geologist has basic assumptions about the earth, assumptions such as, gravity exists, Inertia occurs, photosynthesis occurs, and the sun comes up each day in the east. After these assumptions are understood then the geologist can discover more about how the world operates. Human behavior is the same way. These 16 presuppositions are super powerful yet quite counterintuitive. There are five parts to this series and I hope you enjoy learning and revisiting each one and applying it in your life.
Results will be: greater understanding, forgiveness, patience, lack of judgment, better communication and better at creating your own life.
Thanks for listening! If you enjoyed today's episode I would be grateful if you would leave me a quick review and rating on iTunes (click here) so I have feedback! Also, subscribe if you haven't already so you can be alerted when a new episode comes out. That would mean the world to me, thank you so much!
If you want the episode show notes and a full transcript go to www.whatstopsyou.com
I would Love to hear your comments on todays topic! How this information has helped you?
Talk soon Dar-lings!
The age old question: How do I break up with someone I care about? How do you break up with someone nicely? Without hurting him/her? How about breaking up without hurting myself and making me feel like I am going to die? Today, I want to address the PAIN of breaking up and how to really break free from THAT person and end up in one piece! PEACE
What will I do? How will I manage, I will miss him. How can I live without her? Oh the things we were going to do! So many thoughts! But underneath it all, the deepest questions is WHO am I if we are not together? This is why breaking up, when you don’t want to, is SO painful!! We have the good memories, the missing out on the future we could have had, the things that could have been, and the loss of someone by our side, the loss of sharing duties, on and on. But as I mentioned the most painful part is who am I?
I have had a few break ups that were so painful, I say I would rather break my leg, than do that again! The pain is so deep, it seems to destroy us! At a core level. At an I AM level! So many layers to the pain. Is there a WAY to break up emotionally?
If you have had enough and you realize it is time to move on, and you are ready, or even if you are not quite ready, but are going to TRY to break up and want to know HOW to break up with someone, listen up. The thing is, your unconscious will reply many of your good memories of the person you are breaking up with. Over and over it plays. Oh how painful it is. There is always good in every relationship. You married or were with this person for a reason! When you close your eyes and remember, it's like it is real again and if feels good again, for a minute. Just know you are doing that. This replaying is called a “counterfactual.” A counterfactual is when the mind replays to try to make more sense out of the experience. What I could have done, should have done, etc… in a way, it is the unconscious trying process HOW NOT to not make the same mistake gain. This can be a good thing. If we never had a counterfactual reply, we would never learn from our relationships and our doings.
The main thing to help you through a break up is to have faith and hope in your future. To focus on creating it. IT is hard, I KNOW. it seems that you will never ever find a good partner, ever. Our minds loop, and think that if we didn't make this work we are doomed to be alone or to always lose at love.
When I was getting divorced years ago, I did not even like or love my husband, but my mind still found ways to remember good things and replay them over and over. I missed his arms around me. I had a friend say to me, and it rings in my ear today 20 years later, “There are other arms” Soon after, I really did find more arms to wrap me, but this time with safety and honor.
Know you will address this, at the end of this list.
- Make a list of all your triggers. He rode a racing bike, she used to go to that coffee shop etc. Add to the list every time you think of something else that triggers you. Or hooks you.
- Make a list of what you WISH they did or were like. (The “Dang it, too bad” list.)
- Notice your heart. Pull the strings of love out and start flowing them to those that deserve them. Maybe start with your dog. Flow them away from the break up person, back to your dog or you cute house of something that deserves your love.
- Check your identity. Who are you? Who are you without them. Ouch… if they were part of you, it is time to take action to BE you, independent of anyone else. Get some mojo!!!!! Read books, sing songs, get out and about, FIND you, BE you!
- Stop caring about how they feel. Diffuse, dilute, dissipate caring how they feel. Pull that caring how they feel back to your body, breath it back, then flow this to your dog too. I think this is where the saying Lucky Dog comes in. lol
- See a pic of them in your head. Make it smaller. Change the colors. Change the vibration by slowing it down or speeding it up. Push the pic out about a foot...Notice how the pic has changed. Now notice how the pic is spinning, Take a minute to be mindful and feel it. Now spin it the other direction. Pull it into your chest, feel it, now let it leave your body. Send it out to the universe to go and find a gift this experience gave you. Wait for it…. When it returns, what is the gift?
- Addressing your counterfactual: What did you learn to NEVER do again? Write it down 4 times.! Thank your unconscious for trying to help you… “Thank you very much but I don't need you to replay it any more!!”
- Touch your heart. Tap it 20 times. Love it. Give it love. Rub it slowly.
- Put sticky notes all over your mirror of what you want to believe about the next relationship. He/she will be my life’s philosophical equal, or they will be kind etc…
- Every time you think of them, HEAVE a breath breath OUT. A few times or as many times as it takes to feel differently.
- Focus on what does work in your life. See all the things you are grateful for.
Make sure to listen to my Can I love again Podcast
Take time to do you! Get to the place where you Love to be with you. You love you.
It’s nice to know you are not alone. You are an amazing soul all by yourself. You do not NEED that person to drag you down. Breath, heave, look forward and create your life. You are the engineer of you life. What are you going to create today ??
Thanks for listening! If you enjoyed today's episode I would be grateful if you would leave me a quick review and rating on iTunes (click here) so I have feedback! Also, subscribe if you haven't already so you can be alerted when a new episode comes out. That would mean the world to me, thank you so much!
If you want the episode show notes and a full transcript go to www.whatstopsyou.com
I would Love to hear your comments on todays topic! How this information has helped you?
Talk soon Dar-lings!
There are many ways to go crazy in life, but if you’re crazy comes from your life’s disorganization listen up. I continue in part 4, super cool ideas I’ve come up with. Of course, you can grab my e-book, Time Equals Money, Organize Your Mind in the World, on my website and follow along, or just listen up. We talk about decluttering, being on time, insomnia, dumping your head so that you can be in the present moment, using a pencil and eraser, clearing your heart planner because you don’t have a delete button, saying no and why that’s useful at times, weekly planning meetings with your family and friends, and getting issues out of your head like I’m mad at my neighbor or I’m feeling rejected. Recognizing you have a conscious and unconscious mind and honoring and respecting that, planning the night before, understanding leaders delegate, and what’s your value per hour? All of these are huge topics and we cover them in a great way. Hope this helps! Thanks for listening! If you enjoyed today's episode I would be grateful if you would leave me a quick review and rating on iTunes (click here) so I have feedback! Also, subscribe if you haven't already so you can be alerted when a new episode comes out. That would mean the world to me, thank you so much!
If you want the episode show notes and a full transcript go to www.whatstopsyou.com
I would Love to hear your comments on todays topic! How this information has helped you?
Talk soon Dar-lings!
Continuing on with my favorite topic, how to organize your life with organizational skills, The principles of time management can be so exciting, understanding we have no more than 24 hours in a day and no one else does either! With this podcast I continue through an assessment where are you rate 1 to 5 where you are. 1 rating as the worst and 5 being your best.
As we start, I say to write things on sticky notes all you want but make sure you record them in their appropriate place by midnight. They burn up at midnight. Unless they are affirmations on sticky notes around your room, those don’t count. Next topic is never right things more than twice, and it is allowed in my system to write something on the palm of your hand because your note won’t last very long. When you wash your hands or shower, it’s gone. So you will need to write it down and it’s an appropriate place. Same with writing on a napkin in a restaurant that’s OK as long as you file it appropriately, soon. We go on to talk about many things that are maybe counterintuitive to the average person. Listen up for amazing strategies and skills and tools to put the power back and not feel crazy and live your life in balance!!!!
Thanks for listening! If you enjoyed today's episode I would be grateful if you would leave me a quick review and rating on iTunes (click here) so I have feedback! Also, subscribe if you haven't already so you can be alerted when a new episode comes out. That would mean the world to me, thank you so much!
If you want the episode show notes and a full transcript go to www.whatstopsyou.com
I would Love to hear your comments on todays topic! How this information has helped you?
Talk soon Dar-lings!
We have mentioned no one has more than 24 hours in a day. It’s like a solid metal shopping cart that has sides, top, and a bottom shut tightly. How much can you fit in there? The truth is you can smash things in but they’ll get damaged.
Do you smash in your children and your time to where they’re resentful? Do you smash your plants in and put things all over it so the plant comes out yucky? From now on let’s not say, “I don’t have time.” Let’s just lose that phrase from our jargon and instead say, “No I didn’t plan for it.” Or, “I don’t want to” or “It doesn’t fit in my calendar at this time.” We don’t help ourselves by saying we don’t have time. We are true to ourselves and to others when we say that the task doesn’t fit.
Effective time management is about setting priorities. Studies show the average mind can process only about five areas at one time. I.e. a child asks for a drink, you’re getting food out of the microwave, at the same time, you’re thinking about a 5 o’clock deadline, you remember you need to call the babysitter or have your kids come pick their kids up because you are the babysitter, your spouse comes in to tell you something that is interesting, and then you get a text. You can process most of this at the same time, but there is a point where you feel overloaded and you might scream! Five pieces of information feel like overload doesn’t it and seven things to think about is just too much.
Let’s keep our minds uncluttered let’s use a planning system to store and record most of our tasks and things that we do so we have the capacity to be in the moment with whomever we can and want to be with. The proper planning system must include a to-do list, a calendar of appointments and times, a section for phone numbers and addresses, a week at a time monthly calendar, you can look at a glance. I recommend having a hard copy as well as on your phone. I have some kind of planners you order from Amazon. You also need scratch paper for doodling and graffiti. You can use your notepad for this, but a hardcopy is always super great. Make sure this is all portable and with you at all times.
Now we move into time management tools assessment how good are you at the following things? Rating 1 sucks and 5 is super awesome. How would you rate in the following areas?
I understand I only have 24 hours in a day. I understand that when I say yes to something I’m saying no to other things. When I say no to something I’m saying yes to others. (This opens up possibilities.) I have a planning system with me at all appropriate times. I work a maximum of 8 to 10 hours a day. I leave eight hours a day for leisure time. I sleep eight hours a night. I make my bed every morning. (I go into the benefits of that quite nicely which is all really interesting seriously.) My bedroom is straight and orderly. My office is straight and orderly. My desk is free of clutter. My files are organized. I know where all my stuff is. My car is clean inside and out. I dress appropriately for my job description. (Check out Carol Tuttle she’s got this wired.) I focus on one task at a time. I have no more than five areas of my life. I focus and burn a hole in what I’m doing. I have a highlighting planning system.
There’s so much more check out my next podcast part three!
Thanks for listening! If you enjoyed today's episode I would be grateful if you would leave me a quick review and rating on iTunes (click here) so I have feedback! Also, subscribe if you haven't already so you can be alerted when a new episode comes out. That would mean the world to me, thank you so much!
If you want the episode show notes and a full transcript go to www.whatstopsyou.com
I would Love to hear your comments on todays topic! How this information has helped you?
Talk soon Dar-lings!
I’m not good at everything, but I must admit, I’m the queen of time management. My time does not rule me, I control it, I am on top of it, and I’d love to share my ideas with you.
How many things do you juggle? How many hats do you wear in your life? In this podcast, we list the areas of your life that take up your time. For example, family, work, logistics, home duties, personal issues, etc. Most busy individuals have about 45 main categories. Keep in mind that each area can have subcategories. Now that you’ve done that, how many have you listed? If you have more than five areas, consolidate and group them into no more than five. You need to say no to some areas at this particular time in your life.
Now, what do we do with this list? Do you have an electronic or paper planning system that is working for you? Would your coach agree that it is working? Sometimes we need someone else’s opinion to know whether something is working or not. Yes or no to the following: I don’t have a planning system. I think my planning system is functional. I know my planning system is not functional. How did you rate?
Now rate the following statements from 1 to 5 with, 1 being the least efficient and 5 being the best. I plan my days thoroughly and effectively. I prioritize tasks into a B&C. I keep my file systems organized. I keep my desk free of clutter. I evaluate and illuminate the time wasted. I say no to B&C time wasters. I dropped problem accounts that drained me. I effectively delegate follow up. I set task and effectively. I prioritize tasks into a B&C. I keep my file systems organized. I set uninterrupted time to plan each day, I know my value per hour.
Join me as we go through the coolest ways to have control of your life
Thanks for listening! If you enjoyed today's episode I would be grateful if you would leave me a quick review and rating on iTunes (click here) so I have feedback! Also, subscribe if you haven't already so you can be alerted when a new episode comes out. That would mean the world to me, thank you so much!
If you want the episode show notes and a full transcript go to www.whatstopsyou.com
I would Love to hear your comments on todays topic! How this information has helped you?
Talk soon Dar-lings!
in my last podcast, called how to make good friends, We talked about how to MAKE new friends. Find a best friend or make friends as an adult. This podcast is how to KEEP them and have a synergistic relationship for life. We talked about girls having girlfriends and guys having buddies. All this info is interchangeable so keep that in mind if I refer to girlfriends or guy friends. In the how to make friends podcast I mentioned you do it by making lists of old friends and reacquainting, using verbiage such as, “ Hey call me or you want to get coffee?” And then sorting and looking around for girlfriends realizing they’re all over, you just need to ask.
One on one girlfriends are really awesome, healthy relationships that are long term are irreplaceable, there is no doubt! And having two girlfriends is even better. How about three or four. Now in High school groups are a bit harder because there is jealousy. i hope we have grown out of that. But if not, I share a bit more about the death of jealousy! So make sure you hang out to hear more about that.
The BEST way to KEEP friends is to plan and organize and GO on a girls trip… OR a trip with your buddies! Guaranteed to make your bond deeper or split you up, right?? lol
I’ve been to park city, Caribbean cruise, Hawaii, Los Angeles, and various beaches, or even a sleepover at one of our friends homes. We all go dancing, dining, golfing, or hiking. We all have a text group so we can stay in touch and share ideas or relationship drama or wish each other happy birthday. Right now we are planning Thursday Margarita night at Chili's restaurant for a standing girls date. We all look forward to it so much.
Even if one of us moves far away, they are still on the text group. when they visit it is always a celebration.
Do you what to have a girl group and maybe go on a girls trip?
Create and enjoy a Girlfriend Group” with three key points.
Three key points on how girl groups work:
- Obviously, you have a group of girls who have something in common, certainly not everything. You may have one girl group for freaking fun dancing and looking for guys, and you may have another girls group that’s more of a higher enlightenment group and share spiritual feelings, you then may have another girl group of religious similarities where you may serve together, you may have another girl group of those who all have children and you get together as mothers or grandmothers with your kids. All girl groups fulfill different needs that you have.
But let me explain how you can keep a girl group together and why they work and why sometimes they don’t.
- Let’s say you have a girl group of five. One of the things that makes the girl group cohesive is when each person in the group has a personal relationship with each other girl. Let’s say you have Suzy and Anna in your group. They get together for lunch and then Anna and Grace go to a movie together. Grace and Heather go walking on Wednesdays. Heather and Sandra go to McDonald’s every Thursday with the kids/grandkids.
When any of the girls in the group run into another girlfriend it seems to fit, they invite them to an outing, and of everyone in the original group seems to feel a rapport then they just naturally mesh with that group.
- It’s fun to make a group me or a group text to keep in touch and plan events and share special pictures or occasions or exciting news. This keeps the relationship solid in between outings.
When each member of the group has an individual relationship with each of the other girls in the group that’s what makes a tight friend group.
When I was in high school I felt bad when Debbie and Ellen got together, and Debbie felt bad if Ellen and I got together and didn’t include her. As we grow out of that, we see that that’s super appropriate, when two of my friends went and did something without me, as I support them and love that they did that, it becomes appropriate when I do one on one activities or phone calls with one of the other girls. In a mature group of girls, there can be such love that we honor respect all of the relationships within our circle and nurture each other’s relationships.
Girl groups that won’t work have more of the high school mentality of ego or competition. Being popular and discriminating, that’s not what we’re looking for here as we mature.
Also, in your girl’s group, there can be no jealousy anywhere. Not a trace. There’s a saying “you can’t be jealous of a friend” because if you’re jealous of someone you’re not the real friend. If your real friend won $1 million you would be nothing but happy for her. Check your jealousy meter ladies. If you feel jealousy it means you’re not the real friend.
If you are married, it is still necessary to reach out to your feminine friends and enjoy that relationship!
So reach out and join like-minded gals to chat with, laugh with, cry with and grow with.
Thanks for listening! If you enjoyed today's episode I would be grateful if you would leave me a quick review and rating on iTunes (click here) so I have feedback! Also, subscribe if you haven't already so you can be alerted when a new episode comes out. That would mean the world to me, thank you so much!
If you want the episode show notes and a full transcript go to www.whatstopsyou.com
I would Love to hear your comments on todays topic! How this information has helped you?
Talk soon Dar-lings!
Ladies: do you have a best friend or a few girlfriends? Do you ever say, I need a new friend?.
Imagine having someone to call at any time of the day to talk out an issue you're having. Imagine having a friend to call when you are excited or have something great happen. Imagine the phone ringing and having your best friend just ask you how your day was or how your relationships are or how work is going. Someone who truly really cares! Wouldn’t it be great to have that person who has your back? Someone who is not your partner, but someone that is a true and forever friend.
But how do I make friends as an adult? What if you are a young mother? What if you are immersed with teens? What if you are an empty nester. Want to know how to make friends of any age at any age? Want to know how to make new friends over 50 years old?
For me, friends have blessed my life in more ways than I can share. I have had so many ups and downs in my life. I have had a handful of girlfriends through it all that have stood by me, but also who have called me on my crap. They tell me point blank, hey girlfriend you need to stop that, or girl you need to start doing this or that. Had two friends last year that took me to lunch and said, “Girlfriend, you are losing yourself. We want you to know that we will love you if you lose your self, but just know that you are. We would like to see Darlene come back” Ya, that got me thinking.
I get that having girlfriends or guys having close buddies is not always normal, natural or easy for many people. It comes more easily to some, and others need to work on it with some focus and skill. As I notice what I do to gain and keep friends, I have stepped back and taken notes for you on my process and how I do it. I have come up with 5 great ideas on how to find a new girlfriend if you move to a new area or if you realize having a girlfriend would fix your life. Yep, it will!
Certainly, having girlfriends is not overrated, ladies. And men wanting buddies to hang with, play ball with or camp. One of the greatest blessing in our lives can be the authentic, unconditional love and support from like-minded girlfriends/ guy.
But how do you make and keep friends girlfriend if you just moved to a new area?
Note this: No matter your personality, no matter your style or vibe, no matter your religion or your energy level and passions, there will always be girlfriends within arm’s reach.
Here’s how.
Today the world is small with social media and technology. This will make the following steps easy.
Let's say you move to a new area and do not know anyone.
1 Make a list of friends you’ve had in the past that you liked, keep thinking until you have maybe 5 to 10. Go years back, maybe grade school.
- Call two people on this list. When they answer the phone just say “Hey, this is so and so, a blast from the past! Haha, I don’t know why but for some reason you just crossed your mind and I just wanted to touch base and say how the heck are you?” The conversation will go easily from there. Or of course, you can reach out to them on Social Media. “Hey, we need to catch up. Let’s grab coffee sometime.” I actually just did this with a grade school friend.
- Start using the following verbiage, not only with the people on your list but people you might meet at Starbucks, or your sister-in-law‘s friend, or your daughter's mother-in-law. Here’s the verbiage: “Hey we need to go to lunch sometime and catch up. Let’s grab a Coke sometime, I go walking on Wednesdays you should come with me sometime, I’m in the mood for Mexican food, any chance you’re open next week? Or maybe lunch. We have a lot we could talk about!” and the classic “OK bye, call me.” With your hand up to your ear like a phone.
When saying goodbye to someone that’s a common phrase “OK bye call.” It’s kind of like saying “How are you?” which is just a social greeting, “Call me.” can be a social goodbye but it opens the door for your new friendship.
- Each morning say to yourself, I’m going to meet girlfriends today. This causes you to be open, and we always find what we’re looking for. For sure, there are women everywhere around you who are craving a girlfriend!! You just need to open the door, and Bam. The trick here is to be picky about your girlfriends. When I meet a new friend I tease about the fact that when we meet for coffee I’m dating my girlfriends, to see which ones I like. Not to discriminate but rather to sort for who enhances my life and I can enhance theirs, where we have the same sameness and or vibrational energy, the same beliefs, and the same energy.
Following through on the relationships is the key here. And making friendship a priority. We all create our lives, and we are where were are choosing to be, with the situations that surround us, when you make friendships a very high priority you will be amazed at the women who come out of the woodwork who are craving girl time, girl talk, girl association, girl power together!!
- Another GREAT way to make friends is to look up www.meetup.com search your area and u will find a plethora of meet up groups. You can sign up for those that interest you. You will get an email alert when they have an event, and you can go to it or just sit back and watch what events they keep posting. The go when you are ready. They have hiking, dancing, singles, married, dog walking, basket weaving, hiking groups and more!!!
One of my very best friends in all the world happened just that way. I put on a post on a meetup group, “I’m new in the area and I want to get out of the house anybody want to meet for dinner“. Well, Andie Blair replied back “Sure” We met at a Mexican restaurant just like that. I saw a beautiful Latino woman and said are you, Andie? I sat across for from her and we literally talked for two hours. We had families in common and fun ideas in common but she didn’t like Exercise and I’m an exercise freak, I’m musical, she’s more technical with Computers. Very different interests but all in all, she became my roommate for two years and we started a singles group together online- a meetup, Group. The group grew from a few of us to 750 people! She is now my forever dear friend. We keep in touch over social media and an occasional phone call. But at any moment she’s there for me and I’m there for her.
Remember if u ignore a relationship it will die or dissolve, so nurture your connections.
Follow these guidelines, and you will gather your girlfriends...as many as you choose.
Thanks for listening! If you enjoyed today's episode I would be grateful if you would leave me a quick review and rating on iTunes (click here) so I have feedback! Also, subscribe if you haven't already so you can be alerted when a new episode comes out. That would mean the world to me, thank you so much!
If you want the episode show notes and a full transcript go to www.whatstopsyou.com
I would Love to hear your comments on todays topic! How this information has helped you?
Talk soon Dar-lings!
Do you feel crazy and need time management strategies? In today’s podcast we talk about principles of time management that you may not have thought of before! We need to honor the unconscious mind and understand how time really works.
Our unconscious may stop you from managing your time and having control of your day and life.
A wise man once said “a balanced day ought to include eight hours of work, eight hours of sleep, and eight hours of play or leisure“-Brigham Young. Do you feel crazy with all you have to do do you feel out of control and frustrated by constantly revolving tasks. They happen over and over. Are you constantly late, looking for things, or are you leaving money on the table by rushing too fast to take care of details? Time management is like the foundation for all that you do everyday, month, and year by managing your time and taking control. You can be in the driver seat of your life. Let’s look at time principles and methods of this slick time management.
We only have 24 hours in a day, if you know someone who has more, call me I want to meet them. Why do we think we have more than 24 hours and say things like, “I don’t have time.” That actually doesn’t make sense. We’re fooling ourselves by thinking that other people have more time than we do. Have you ever said that? For example, we might say I don’t have nice clothes, or I don’t have time or I don’t have money so are mine looks for these things but we can’t ever get more time so we get really frustrated. We might be able to get more clothes and so we search them out or money but we seriously can never have any more time than we have right now. Who’s?
What are we really saying when we say we don’t have time? We’re actually really saying we don’t want to, or that we don’t know how to find the organization to do it, or that it’s not a priority right now, or that we’re choosing something else. Let’s use empowering terminology instead of saying I don’t have time, consider saying I’m not going to commit to that right now, I’m deciding not to commit to that right now, I don’t really want to right now, I have a plan for that at this time, it’s not a priority right now. We all received a gift each day We are given one box of 24 hours. The box is made of strong sides it’s rigid and flexible and incapable of compromise. The box is sealed with an airtight lid and must be close completely at the end of each day. You must be on the 24 hours and empty the box each day and you cannot carry over those hours to the next day. The 24 hours do not earn interest for you, they do not have the ability to get in the hall. Each evening and accounting is done and on the hours will always balance is zero at midnight. What will you do with your time. Time is perceived differently depending on your mindset. Has an hour ever just dragged on and on while waiting in traffic? Has an hour ever rush by when you’re having fun? Time is experience with your internal perceptions, because of course the worlds time is concert and sometimes you can feel your mind and make time seem to speed up or slow down.
Is your time slipping away? Are you giving it away, wasting it or are you protecting it? What would you trade for some time with your dad or a loved one who has left you? What changes are you going to make today?
Thanks for listening! If you enjoyed today's episode I would be grateful if you would leave me a quick review and rating on iTunes (click here) so I have feedback! Also, subscribe if you haven't already so you can be alerted when a new episode comes out. That would mean the world to me, thank you so much!
If you want the episode show notes and a full transcript go to www.whatstopsyou.com
I would Love to hear your comments on todays topic! How this information has helped you?
Talk soon Dar-lings!
Time is so interesting. It’s metaphysical. It’s not tangible. It’s mysterious and very misunderstood. It is actually the most powerful presence on earth. If we don’t have time we don’t have anything. We can have families and homes and many things, but if we don’t have time none of that will mean anything. Time is of perspective as well. We need to value time because it controls us.
Do you realize the value of one year? Ask a student who failed a grade.
Do you realize the value of one month? Ask a mother who gave birth to a premature baby.
Do you realize the value of one week? Ask the editor of a weekly newspaper.
Do you realize the value of one day? Ask an alcoholic working on sobriety.
Do you realize the value of one hour? Ask the lovers who are waiting to meet.
Do you realize the value of one minute? Ask a person who missed the plane.
Do you realize the value of one second? Ask a person who just avoided an accident.
Do you realize the value of 1 millisecond? Ask the person who won a silver medal in the Olympics.
Let’s talk about how our internal time clock and thinking about time can change and rock our world. What do you value most in life?
Thanks for listening! If you enjoyed today's episode I would be grateful if you would leave me a quick review and rating on iTunes (click here) so I have feedback! Also, subscribe if you haven't already so you can be alerted when a new episode comes out. That would mean the world to me, thank you so much!
If you want the episode show notes and a full transcript go to www.whatstopsyou.com
I would Love to hear your comments on todays topic! How this information has helped you?
Talk soon Dar-lings!
One thing I’m super bad at is mind reading that's for sure. Don’t you wish you could mind read? Do you wish others could read your mind too? We hope they are always focusing on what we want, so we just need to allude to what we want and they should know! If they loved us then they would always know what we want and how we feel right?
WRONG…
Yes, I am good at reading body language and eye movements, but it is not nice for others to expect me to be focusing so much on them and what they want and how they feel. I am in my own feelings and thoughts.
Hinting goes like this: It’s kind of warm in here... seems like it’s about time to eat. …
Another example.You’ve been slaving all day in the house. The kids, the wash, not to mention dinner. Partner comes home says a quick Hi and heads to their office…
What would one naturally make that mean? “Oh gosh, he doesn’t love me!! Doesn’t he know what I go through in a day? How could he not know?”
Meanwhile the partner in the office is thinking, ‘I’m sure they understand I've been working all day and need a minute to myself.”
Then he makes his way out of the office and you meet in the hall. Disgruntled that your needs are not met, you both get pissy and start to have a nerf, bat fight!!!
Indirect communication is just a no no. Don’t do it. There are many ways to passively communicate, but one on the “don’t” list is hinting.
Another example. You and your partner are driving down the highway. You see and exit. You are thirsty so you say, “Are you thirsty?” She says, “No.” At each exit you get more parched, so you keep asking if your partner is thirsty, and she keeps saying she is not. Finally you get super MAD/sad because why is it that they are not caring about you? You get into the usual fight. Why in the world doesn’t she ONLY think of me and my feelings??
The answer is because they are thinking about their OWN feelings and you have the burden to be true to you and communicate directly what you want and need.
Hinting! Hinting is a no no
NOW it is time to stop and think about if you are guilty of this! WELL? Are you? Did you try to mind read today? Did someone else try to mind read you? As a result was there hinting going on???
The FIX:
- Recognition! introspection.
- Be sure!
- Speak your truth and take your words straight to the bank!
- use verbal communication that works. Say what you mean.
- Mind reading tricks are not available to humans .
- Ask your partner what he/she means specifically. Hold him/her to his/her word!
- Request him/her to use direct communication too!
Let’s use direct communications say what you mean! Say it clearly. State it.
Agree to take your words at face value and use communication that works.
Thanks for listening! If you enjoyed today's episode I would be grateful if you would leave me a quick review and rating on iTunes (click here) so I have feedback! Also, subscribe if you haven't already so you can be alerted when a new episode comes out. That would mean the world to me, thank you so much!
If you want the episode show notes and a full transcript go to www.whatstopsyou.com
I would Love to hear your comments on todays topic! How this information has helped you?
Talk soon Dar-lings!
You wake up groggy, look around, and oh goodness, not only do you have bed hair but your whole room was struck by some kind of tornado. It’s overwhelming and where should I even begin?
Today I am quoting my superhero dad and his “How to organize a room” process. It’s very simple. There are four steps that we will go over.
Mental organization is really the goal, isn’t it? To achieve peace of mind we must first organize our environment to the best of our ability. Here’s how to clean an office room. l talk about the categories of the items in the room. Are they in place or are they out of place? Are they necessary or can someone other than you use them? Do you need to throw them away? Let’s start with helping a child clean the room. The first thing you want to do is just put all the books over in one corner. Then just sit all the toys over there. Now take all the clothes and laundry clean or dirty over there. Now that we’ve got these piles we can begin the process of one, two, three or four.
Start with Ones, working items. Is it in place and does it has a lifecycle? Let’s look at the lifecycle of a stock. It goes on your foot, into the dirty wash basket, into the washer, into the dryer, into the basket to be folded, into your drawer, onto your foot, and the cycle continues. If the item is in its correct system it is a working one. I love working items!!!
Terrible two our items that are out of place they’re scary and they might hunt you at night. If your sock is on the floor it is terrible too. Twos are frustrating and seem to multiply exponentially if we are not on top of them. As soon as you put a tour way it becomes a working one.
Threes are things that are not for me. They are in shape and in working order yet you do not need them. An old TV may be good for someone else to use. In other words, three’s are thrift store items or garage sale items. Always have a box labeled thrift store, located somewhere in your house garage or shed and constantly fill it with unused items.
Fours, Out the door. Fours are garbage, they need to be discarded. I love to chuck things into the garbage. My dad saying “If you throw it away you don’t have to put it away!” Isn’t that great? Four, out the door!!
Now as you live your life continue putting your terrible twos right back in place as soon as possible so you can have an organize life and organize mind and a life that works!!
Thanks for listening! If you enjoyed today's episode I would be grateful if you would leave me a quick review and rating on iTunes (click here) so I have feedback! Also, subscribe if you haven't already so you can be alerted when a new episode comes out. That would mean the world to me, thank you so much!
If you want the episode show notes and a full transcript go to www.whatstopsyou.com
I would Love to hear your comments on todays topic! How this information has helped you?
Talk soon Dar-lings!
There are the right ways and the wrong ways to study, for sure! Going to college can drive you absolutely insane if your work is always on your mind. Always bugging you in the back of your mind. You have to go write a paper, study for a test etc. That can ruin your life, right? Let me share with you how to study efficiently with tight time management, so going to college is just one thing that you do and will enhance and complement all the other things you do in your life. YAY!! 1. First thing is to answer the question, what do you want? Why? Think about it long and hard. Make sure you decide that what you want in college is reasonable and achievable in your life. Taking a complete full load and more, may ruin your relationships or your job or hurt your parenting skills. Make sure going to college fits in your life. Make sure you’re going to pace yourself for the distance. My quite amazing story is that it took me 27 years to get my bachelors degree. I had five children during that time and plenty of drama like an ex-husband being killed in a motorcycle accident, dad passing away, sister passing away, two divorces, etc. Make sure your goal is something that is going to work in your life long-term. 2. Understands your body clock. Or your bio-rhythms. Is morning your best time to study? When I was doing my doctorate I studied three hours a day, seven days a week, for seven years. From 7 AM to 10 AM. It was the best! It gave me all the time I needed to get everything done every single day. When study time was over I could rest and play with my kids', grandkids or go to the pool or do my private practice. Before you commit, re-think what your goals are. Do you really want to go to college, How much will reasonably fit in your life? 3. During your study time, decide if you want to accomplish a specific task within your time period of study, such as do certain research, or write a few pages of your paper, or study how to format in APA, or get your files organized, etc. Or if you just want to do as much as you can within that period of time, you just go, and go until your time is over. Either way, it may all come out in the wash. 4. At the end of your study make sure that you make a list of what you want to do the next time you sit down to study. That way you know where you are. It’s like a Rubik's cube. You’re in it and maneuvering it but if you put it down and come back you won’t know where you are. That’s how it is when you study for hours. At the end of your study make sure that you take notes where you are so you can rock ‘n’ roll the next day 5. Make sure you study in the same place every day. With no distractions far away from all the people and all the noise. Your body will get used to studying and when you sit your butt down you will be ready to go day after day.
Can you study when you’re depressed? Can you study when you’re distracted? Yes if you’ve pre-planned your study time you just know that’s what you’re going to do for that period of time and your body clock will get used to it. You know it will be over soon, so you can be depressed later. Also when you’re studying for long hours make sure you vary you’re right and left brain activity, if you’re studying for math take a break and write a creative story, if you were studying something that’s creative, on your break add some numbers together. It’s kind of cool how that works. Of course move your body when you take breaks to take walks around the block or do jumping jacks
How do we study for a test? How do we make the best use of our time? When you are in your class listen to your professor. Listen with 100% of you. Be completely present. Feel what they’re saying, listen, pay attention. When you’re done with class you’ve got it in your mind and you don’t really need to go home and study much.
These are simple tips but hold yourself accountable, very tightly, don’t budge. Let everyone you know, know that you are studying. They know not to bug you or interrupt you unless there is blood or smoke involved! Stick to your guns, do it!
Thanks for listening! If you enjoyed today's episode I would be grateful if you would leave me a quick review and rating on iTunes (click here) so I have feedback! Also, subscribe if you haven't already so you can be alerted when a new episode comes out. That would mean the world to me, thank you so much!
If you want the episode show notes and a full transcript go to www.whatstopsyou.com
I would Love to hear your comments on todays topic! How this information has helped you?
Talk soon Dar-lings!
The number one thing that makes your marriage work isn’t communication. It isn’t just having things in common. It’s not just showing love. It’s not even being in love. What could it be? Is there a magic thing that will make a marriage work? I say YES!
Here is! The number one thing that will make a relationship work. HAVE TWO PEOPLE WITH THEIR SHIT TOGETHER!
Having a life that works. A life that is active and not reactive. A life that allows you to be reasonable, trustworthy, and reliable. How about fun and present in the moment?
No one is perfect. Everyone has issues. What are your triggers, what are your weaknesses and issues? But nonetheless, IT'S NOT NICE TO YOUR PARTNER TO BE A MESS. It is not nice to your partner to gain 100 lbs! it is not nice to your partner to be an alcoholic.
Take a mini-assessment of yourself. And ask your self: WOULD YOU WANT TO BE MARRIED TO YOU??
Of course, we need to communicate and show love, and it is nice to have things in common but quit expecting your partner to hang with you and your crap.
Get your shit together and date and marry someone who does too!
There you go. Get busy!
Take my balanced Living Wheel assessment www.whatstopsyou.com/ebook and see where you are mucked up, so you can take action to fix your life!!
Thanks for listening! If you enjoyed today's episode I would be grateful if you would leave me a quick review and rating on iTunes (click here) so I have feedback! Also, subscribe if you haven't already so you can be alerted when a new episode comes out. That would mean the world to me, thank you so much!
If you want the episode show notes and a full transcript go to www.whatstopsyou.com
I would Love to hear your comments on todays topic! How this information has helped you?
Talk soon Dar-lings!
Life is about choices, learn how to make a choice between two things that are both important. Learn how to not feel guilty, and how to get a life. Go baby boomers, live your life guilt free! Thanks for listening! If you enjoyed today's episode I would be grateful if you would leave me a quick review and rating on iTunes (click here) so I have feedback! Also, subscribe if you haven't already so you can be alerted when a new episode comes out. That would mean the world to me, thank you so much!
If you want the episode show notes and a full transcript go to www.whatstopsyou.com
I would Love to hear your comments on todays topic! How this information has helped you?
Talk soon Dar-lings!
Do you need anger management activities for adults, or do you need anger management therapy or online anger management classes?
Well you may need none of them after this short podcast. The first step is understanding what anger is!
I have seven points we go through on how to understand anger and its intent, core emotions and how much anger is actually useful, and sometimes necessary.
I talk about balance and having too much anger can destroy you and can be a contributing factor in causing cancer or any terrible disease.
We’ll go through an exercise of the last time you were angry and apply all of these skills and tools.
When you understand the premise of anger and what emotions truly lies underneath, then you can focus on those emotions and take immediate action towards success.
Anger has its place, so learn where and when and how, to be in control of your life.
Thanks for listening! If you enjoyed today's episode I would be grateful if you would leave me a quick review and rating on iTunes (click here) so I have feedback! Also, subscribe if you haven't already so you can be alerted when a new episode comes out. That would mean the world to me, thank you so much! If you want the episode show notes and a full transcript go to www.whatstopsyou.com
I would Love to hear your comments on todays topic! How this information has helped you?
Talk soon Dar-lings!
This was an emotional podcast for me to do. Love is an experience and something that you feel, not only in your heart and mind, but in your cells. In your body. I share a spiritual experience where I felt that I went to heaven or beyond this earth or for just a moment with my loved ones who have passed. My experience was so deep and full it’s almost impossible to explain. It’s hard to talk about without a lump in my throat.
To explain the light of love. To explain the love that’s in the water, and in the music, in gods world. The way God looks at us with such deep honor, and respect, and cherished love, almost a violent crushing love with no judgment. He/She sees us as beings of light. Light is love so He sees us as beings of love! With this state of love, manifesting becomes completely natural to manifest our dreams, to manifest money or relationships. It’s just a byproduct. I hope that you can feel and change yourself by listening to this podcast. Know you are wrapped in not only my love, but the love of the universe, the higher consciousness and your creator, your God.
Thanks for listening! If you enjoyed today's episode I would be grateful if you would leave me a quick review and rating on iTunes (click here) so I have feedback! Also, subscribe if you haven't already so you can be alerted when a new episode comes out. That would mean the world to me, thank you so much!
If you want the episode show notes and a full transcript go to www.whatstopsyou.com
I would Love to hear your comments on todays topic! How this information has helped you?
Talk soon Dar-lings!
Well, first of all, the definition Family today has changed. Family is, "a self-defined group if intimates who create and maintain themselves through their own interactions. It may include voluntary and involuntary relationships. It evolves through time and has a history, a present and a future (Turner, West, 2018).
Nonetheless, society pushes the fact that family is biological. Society promotes the need to have a spouse and children. Society asks, “Who will take care of you when you’re old? Who will you have Thanksgiving with when you’re older?”
Well, the fact is there are people everywhere and when you’re ready you can find friends in every corner and all over the place that shares a lot of similarities. You can find people to do things with when you’re ready and call them family. But for today let’s talk about where you start when you’re 50 and living alone or have no social system, yet.
I’d like you to stand up and look in the mirror. The person looking back at you is your family. They know you better than anyone else. They know what you’ve been through and what your hopes and fears and dreams are. That is the person that you want a long-term beautiful relationship with!
I went on a walk right before this podcast with my best friend. She listens to everything I say, helps me understand how I feel, never judges me and I was always there for me. My best friend is “me“. I can always count on her.
On "our" walk, even though it was dreary and cold, there were naked trees along the walkway, and the sky was dark and yucky, I went into my own story. I imagined beautiful leaves and imagined the residual snow on the side of my path to be gold. I walked on the curb practicing my balance and took a video of my shadow dancing to the music of Queen.
"We" had a great time.
Other things you can do with your best friend-your family- yourself, decorate your room exactly how YOU want. If you’re a guy make it just the way you want, all tough and stuff. But go for it. Make it awesome! I became single at age 57, oh no! It was so fun though to go into Walmart and buy a bed-in-a-bag. I got yellow pillows and a yellow bedspread. I painted the deck out of my bedroom purple! Because I can. I put stickies all over the room “I am younger now, I love my life, the skies the limit, etc…” My room was a beautiful place!
When you’re by yourself you can have a fun evening doing a wine tasting evening with a roasted chicken, guacamole, and hummus, you can have a hot tub party with you and you. You could volunteer at a pet shelter or senior games as I did, which was supersonic rewarding. I love it and I’m going to do it again. Also, make sure to find your sacred space or a safe space outside and visit it off and where you can.
When you’re ready to get out there check out meetup.com and enter your city. Boom you will have tons of groups from basket weaving, dog walking, cooking, to hiking. Sign up for the ones you want and only participate when you’re in the mood. You will end up with more friends/family than you ever wanted.
It doesn’t matter if you have no blood family, you can create your systems with other people or with yourself in a beautiful way, now. During the best years of your life!!!!
Thanks for listening! If you enjoyed today's episode I would be grateful if you would leave me a quick review and rating on iTunes (click here) so I have feedback! Also, subscribe if you haven't already so you can be alerted when a new episode comes out. That would mean the world to me, thank you so much! If you want the episode show notes and a full transcript go to www.whatstopsyou.com
I would Love to hear your comments on todays topic! How this information has helped you?
Talk soon Dar-lings!
My definition of communication is a flow of understanding. Verbal and nonverbal communication means we are always communicating. Always? “But I am ignoring him. I’m not telling a thing, he doesn’t deserve it.” Are they still communicating? We shall see.
Fact: we communicate in conscious and observable ways both verbal and nonverbally, but today, I’m going to take it deeper... we sometimes communicate in mysterious ways, AND unconscious. Its all about a flow of understanding. How do we do that?
- Overt-observable, active communication, using effective communication skills. Verbal communication: reflective listening, backtracking, listening, caring, touching, leaning in etc.
- Covert communication is not seen. If you were looking in a window it would not be noticed. Characteristics of nonverbal can be movement and body language. Unconscious implied communication is so powerful.
In my podcast, I tell two very poignant stories about how communication can be either expressed with a THOUGHT in your head, or by some mysterious way that bees communicate. They are still relaying a message, we just don’t know how the heck they are doing it.
Thanks for listening! If you enjoyed today's episode I would be grateful if you would leave me a quick review and rating on iTunes (click here) so I have feedback! Also, subscribe if you haven't already so you can be alerted when a new episode comes out. That would mean the world to me, thank you so much! If you want the episode show notes and a full transcript go to www.whatstopsyou.com
I would Love to hear your comments on todays topic! How this information has helped you?
Talk soon Dar-lings!
Reinventing yourself after 50? Well, join the club. There are millions of us that feel like we’re going through puberty again but the opposite direction. Oh goodness. What is happening? But, 50 and fabulous is natural when you reinvent yourself in an appropriate way, not all at once but let it unfold.
Get out the door and be social with people or alone. Have close and deep relationships when your social or just surface chatting over a drink... Set your alarm and get up and go do things. Get a job, get to the park with your dog, go to a Meet up with a group of like-minded individuals.
But what do you wear? How do you dress your age? How do you dress your truth? Carol Tuttle talks a lot about that and I recommend checking her out. She’s an awesome resource. Through your expression and your dress learn how to express yourself and know how to look good.
I talk about the fact that living your truth is possible when we understand that we actually dress our insides. We don’t dress our bodies as much as our insides. If you feel sexy even if you’re overweight or out of shape a person might dress sexy, if your personality is conservative inside you may dress conservatively even if you have a beautiful physical body. Isn't that cool to know? Our physical bodies in terms of health also reflect on how we feel, so get up, get to the gym, feel fresh.
We then talked about how to behave to be fabulous. How about to flirt with your man over 50? How do you flirt with our significant other? How about being a little more sexual and enjoying that with a smile on your face?
Being fabulous over 50 is truly wonderful as we live our best years!!
Thanks for listening! If you enjoyed today's episode I would be grateful if you would leave me a quick review and rating on iTunes (click here) so I have feedback! Also, subscribe if you haven't already so you can be alerted when a new episode comes out. That would mean the world to me, thank you so much! If you want the episode show notes and a full transcript go to www.whatstopsyou.com
I would Love to hear your comments on todays topic! How this information has helped you?
Talk soon Dar-lings!
Communication skills, what does that mean? “Well I don’t like you, and you don’t like me. THERE! We are communicating perfectly aren’t we?”
There are so many definitions of communication, but the definition I like best is--communication is a flow of understanding. I get you and you get me and we get each other. Basic communication skills require understanding the definition. I will start by sharing two specific, basic skills with you to get you going. Of course, watch for my other podcasts where I expand and give specific useful tools and skills. When we are communicating we are attempting to deliver a message. We all operate with talking, moving, listening, understanding, showing, etc. through channels or better said we all process either visually, auditorily, through touch smell-olfactory or oral–taste.
There is always a sender and the receiver. Which one has more of the burden of understanding? The speaker or the listener? I asked my college class and there are a variety of answers. Well, the right answer is BOTH. The speaker can say things rudely loudly or aggressively or too soft. She has the burden of saying it in the way that works. The listener has the burden of not making it mean something from the past, trigger or their past experiences, and to attempt to listen in the way the speaker means it. The burden is on both. The problem is the airspace between two people is like Jell-O. I say something to you and it goes through the gooey Jell-O and gets all lost and then SPLAT into your ear. My message is ALL MESSED UP! You didn’t understand at all what I meant. Now what?
It’s all about the meanings that someone understands. It’s not what you say is the meaning that’s understood. If I said you look so good today, you might say “Well what do you mean, didn’t I look good yesterday?" and be offended!!
Here are my two basic effective communication techniques.
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Do you care? Do they car?. Are you talking to someone who doesn’t care what you’re saying? Well, don’t do that. You can’t force someone to have a flow of understanding with you. And if you don’t care about listening or communicating or flowing the understanding then that might be a place to start. Start to care.
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Self-monitor. That means take a step back, look at your body over there. Look at how you lean forward or lean back. Can you see your feet and your knees and your wrist and your chest and your head over there? Step out of yourself far enough to see how you were contributing to the flow of understanding. Are you noticing not only how you look or feel BUT about how THEY look? Calibrate how they behave in a way of receiving feedback. Is what you’re saying working or is what you’re saying not working so slow start to say it differently if it doesn’t work? Shift and change so that you get a yes from them or nod.
So as you begin to understand the definition of communication, as you care, as you self monitor, as you notice feedback from the listener you increased your flow of understanding. You get them and they get you. There’s so much more to come and it’s so enlightening to know that you have a lot of power and how you communicate and how you receive communication.
Thanks for listening and If you enjoyed today's episode I would be grateful if you would leave me a quick review and rating on iTunes (click here) so I have feedback! Also, subscribe if you haven't already so you can be alerted when a new episode comes out. That would mean the world to me, thank you so much! If you want the episode show notes and a full transcript go to www.whatstopsyou.com
I would Love to hear your comments on todays topic! How this information has helped you?
Talk soon Dar-lings!
7 Honest beauty tips for your face as you age.
Let’s talk about how to look younger with seven beauty tips for your face. What do young women have that we lose as we age from the neck up?
Are you ready for undisputed tip beauty tips to take years off your face? You want to look younger than your age right? Why is that? Is it the attention of the others that you get? Is it that you just want to feel good about yourself? Is it that you want to be your best? Well, I hope it’s that you want to be your best. I’m going to share main beauty tips for your face and main beauty tips for women to help you look younger than your age. Let’s do this.
Here are my seven topics
- Eyebrows,
- liner for the eyes,
- long lashes,
- full lips,
- Smooth skin,
- color in your face,
- shiny hair,
- and white teeth
We go over each one in detail and discuss what possibilities and options we have as we age. I’m not ready to endorse any skin care line at this point but I think I will share what I use because I found some amazing things. What are you going to do with yourself when you look 10 years younger?
Yeah you’re going to live your best years with grace and passion hope this helped
Thanks for listening and If you enjoyed today's episode I would be grateful if you would leave me a quick review and rating on iTunes (click here) so I have feedback! Also, subscribe if you haven't already so you can be alerted when a new episode comes out. That would mean the world to me, thank you so much! If you want the episode show notes and a full transcript go to www.whatstopsyou.com
I would Love to hear your comments on todays topic! How this information has helped you?
Talk soon Dar-lings!
Am I selfish? What is selfishness? How can I figure out if I am being selfish or engaging in Self-care? Why is it important to take care of myself and how do I do that with all of my kids, grand babies, and aging parents needing me! Learn the balance between service and selfishness! Learn the importance of taking care of yourself and why that makes life work best! Thanks for listening and If you enjoyed today's episode I would be grateful if you would leave me a quick review and rating on iTunes (click here) so I have feedback! Also, subscribe if you haven't already so you can be alerted when a new episode comes out. That would mean the world to me, thank you so much!
If you want the episode show notes and a full transcript go to www.whatstopsyou.com
I would Love to hear your comments on todays topic! How this information has helped you?
Talk soon Dar-lings!
Do you want to be heard? Do you wish they could hear you? Heard = understood and we all like that!
It’s so important to realize that we talk to discover how we feel NOT to report. So if someone listens to you, it helps you sort things out. It is nice to listen to others so they can sort stuff out just right in front of you… Ya, it is nice to be a good listener.
Always try to calibrate who you are talking to and listening to. What kind of listener are you? What kind of listener are they?
I go over general types of listening:
discern, analyze, appreciate, support
Then I go over specific listening styles:
Action-oriented, time-oriented, people oriented, content-oriented,
Women are typically people and content listeners and men are more time and action-oriented listeners.
Incompetent listening. DON’T do these at home!!
Selective, pseudo-listening-pretending to hear, aggressive listening-to attack
narcissistic listening is when you hijack the convo and turn it to you. Yuck. We are all guilty of that, so don't do that anymore!
Active listening means you care with your heart~
Listen with your heart!
Thanks for listening and If you enjoyed today's episode I would be grateful if you would leave me a quick review and rating on iTunes (click here) so I have feedback! Also, subscribe if you haven't already so you can be alerted when a new episode comes out. That would mean the world to me, thank you so much! If you want the episode show notes and a full transcript go to www.whatstopsyou.com I would Love to hear your comments on todays topic! How this information has helped you? Talk soon Dar-lings!
In this podcast, learn how to give your children only two things:
Give them ROOTS and give them WINGS. Roots mean security, love, dependability, safety, security, etc. And wings means to teach your child to think for themselves so they can fly one day soon. In a few short years from 13 to 18 they are under a lot of STRESS to prepare to be on their own, financially, emotionally, with relationships, etc. Thats a lot of pressure. The best thing you can give your child is the ability to think for themselves with safety and security.
By the way, the reason I can help you is, besides my academic understanding of adolescent theories of development and family systems theory, the best part of what I know is because I have 5 kids myself and 4 step kids visited often. Would you believe that at one time we had a 5 year old AND 8 teenagers at the same time! Yep. Not much can surprise me. I also worked in delinquent facilities so I have seen the gamat.
I can tell you, that many times with ONE tweak your family dynamic will turn around. Attitude and action. The dynamic between you and your teen will be immediate and your teens actions will turn for the better. All the skills and tools you learn will be useful in your life with others as well. My husband and I truly used the skills and tools I am going to share with you! Today they are 9 functioning adults and 15 grandkids!
In this podcast I explain that your teen is like a nice loaf of bread that you just put in the oven. It is sometimes lumpy, one side grows more than the other and the WORST thing you can do is keep opening up the oven to watch! Get out of the bread’s way and let it rise and grow. Stop looking so closely at the bread. TRUST the process a bit more.
Your kid is NOT you. You are not your kid. He/she has a brain… show her how to use it. Quit thinking for him all the time. Don’t turn her into an obedient robot that has not mind or thinking process. Trust him more!
We go over the difference between normal and abnormal behavior. Normal behavior for teens is: lazy, sleeps all day, if they can get away with it, don’t take responsibility for their actions, Etc. Yes, that would be normal.
Now an abnormal child is: helpful, team player, wants to go to school and get themselves up, wants to go to church, consistently helps around the house, cleans up after themselves... now isn’t that just interesting?
Low risk behaviors are behaviors that seem awful but are actually normal and part of growing up. For example, normal things like: being rude to authority, disrespectful on occasion, disobedient every once in while, mildly defiant, running away wants to hang around the crowd for a while, lying and deceiving on small things occasionally etc. these things are low risk but to be monitored.
Now in contrast, high-risk is when it requires immediate actions such as severe eating disorders as defined and diagnosed, drug abuse, mild or hard drugs, activities that include anything illegal immoral or unethical. It is more than a one time episode, and of course suicidal tendencies. This should be monitored directly and with a professional.
I go over some tasks of adolescence. A teen has SO much to do from age 14 to 18, like growing, thinking, financial plans and career, relationships… so much. If they sleep a lot, they should!
We also talk a bit about parenting styles and identity development. There’s a whole lot to talk about in this area. Hope this helps you!
Thanks for listening and If you enjoyed today's episode I would be grateful if you would leave me a quick review and rating on iTunes so I have feedback! Also, subscribe if you haven't already so you can be alerted when a new episode comes out. That would mean the world to me, thank you so much! If you want the episode show notes and a full transcript go to www.whatstopsyou.com
I would Love to hear your comments on todays topic! How this information has helped you?
Talk soon Dar-lings!
How to show love is a great topic! How to show that husband or wife, or dog or colleague, or friend, that you love them… It is better to love than be loved, they say, and it is true. It feels sooo good to love. We have all heard of the five languages of love by Gary Chapman. We show love in five different ways according to Gary. I am going to add a few at the end of his and explain how it works.
Gary refers to five different ways we love and feel loved. Most people have more than one. They are, words of affirmation, acts of service, gifts, quality time, and touch.
I have three children of five, that I don’t respond as well to these, as feeling heard. If they don’t feel heard it doesn’t matter if I clean the kitchen for them or give them a gift. It’s so important for me just to listen and let them know I hear them. Not even to agree but to hear.
With all of this said, everyone will respond to your kind words, there’s no one that doesn’t love it when you do something for them that they no longer have to do, everyone loves gifts that they super needed, everyone loves quality time and the ability to talk and some, or most people, love appropriate touch.
I talk about filling up your love basket for yourself, but also for the other person. Every relationship ship has a love basket between you and them, and you both make deposits. Make deposits often and to keep your love basket bringing full. If it gets empty the relationship is close to done or it gets super sick.
Everyone in the world would love a candy bar or or an organic apple from the gas station, on occasion. Who can you love today?? And how?. Please share below your experiences. I’d love to hear them.
Thanks for listening and If you enjoyed today's episode I would be grateful if you would leave me a quick review and rating on iTunes so I have feedback! Also, subscribe if you haven't already so you can be alerted when a new episode comes out. That would mean the world to me, thank you so much!
If you want the episode show notes and a full transcript go to www.whatstopsyou.com
I would Love to hear your comments on todays topic! How this information has helped you?
Talk soon Dar-lings!
My partner and I have so much in common, why can’t we get along. I’m so confused!
Once upon a time, there was a horse and a bunny who fell in love. They both loved carrots, they both had soft noses, they both had long EARS. (LOL) They had so much in common! Well, it was hard on the horse to lay down to cuddle, so he only did it the night of their wedding, and then never did it again. So they started to get distant and fight….
Should a horse and bunny get married??? With all they have in common?? Ummm…?
Well like everyone, we all have similarities and differences. Here are the key points for us all to consider!!
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Differences--Culture, religion, money, age, size, not on the same page.
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Care and communication--How to work on a relationship?
-focus on the good 4400 (29)
-physical touch love language 2900 (27)
-words of affirmation love language 2400 (23)
-5 love languages summary 1600 (19) by Gary Chapman
-importance of quality time in a relationship 260 (15)
-qualities of a good relationship 880 (24)
-how to work on a relationship 1000 (30)
-begging for attention in a relationship 210 (21)
-how to not be needy 1600 (27)
3.Understanding your core intent. For example, i operate out of love, or fear, or social needs or service. What is your core, what is their core?
4.Understand yourself, and each other. Talk about it.
Can you live without them? Do you want to live without them?
So, when you care and communicate, when you get your crap together and accept each other's differences, we you can enjoy each other JUST the way they are, then you know what happens? You can live happily ever after! Thanks for listening and If you enjoyed today's episode I would be grateful if you would leave me a quick review and rating on iTunes so I have feedback! Also, subscribe if you haven't already so you can be alerted when a new episode comes out. That would mean the world to me, thank you so much!
If you want the episode show notes and a full transcript go to www.whatstopsyou.com
I would Love to hear your comments on todays topic! How this information has helped you?
Talk soon Dar-lings!
Today, learn simple steps to say it right and get what you want! Does this sound familiar? "My partner just doesn’t care about me." "They never listen to me!" OR, "I can’t seem to explain it right."
Do you have to fight for what you want? Do you need to explain it over and over and then lie a little, scoot around the truth or just BULLY your way to what you want?
We have all heard the words, paraphrasing, reflective listening, and backtracking. Actually, they are all similar, almost the same thing. In this podcast, you will totally learn how to listen AND talk for true communication with your partner! It is actually quite simple.
I have a few power-example stories that really explain how this works. The stories start off explaining getting into a fight that might be headed for a split. Then I show you how to shift your words and attitude a tiny bit to FIX it, and turn it around. I tell a story about a couple fighting and then shifting to a reasonable conversation about a fence and another story about getting a dog or not. (I’ve had to use the dog story, skills, a few times in my personal life. LOL)
I go over the steps of a wonderful chat between two opposing opinions. And it all turns out well. Yay!
(Disclaimer. I am a powerful woman and not necessarily a feminist. But I stand for equalit….. Listening to this recording, I may have made the women sound whinny and the men an jerk, but understand these are examples... men can nag and women can be aggressive in other stories. Just always working on being PC.)
Steps:
- Listening-- We listen to process and discover, not to report!!
- Wait--When listening and paraphrasing, wait for a full body YES from the other person
- Then take turns-- The second person now talks.
- Repeat--Keep going back and forth, until you find the core of what they are saying. Finding what they are really, really, really saying. Get Two full body YES’
Remember, when they are talking SHUT UP and really listen!
After you both know what each other really, really wants, now, and only now, can you problem solve!!
Isn’t it nice to know that there are tangible skills that you can use to never fight again? And both get what you want?
Thanks for listening and If you enjoyed today's episode I would be grateful if you would leave me a quick review and rating on iTunes so I have feedback! Also, subscribe if you haven't already so you can be alerted when a new episode comes out. That would mean the world to me, thank you so much!
I would Love to hear your comments on todays topic! How this information has helped you?
If you want the episode show notes and a full transcript go to www.whatstopsyou.com
Talk soon Dar-lings!
What is a boundary and how do you set them? How do you enforce them? How do you even know what boundary you should set? There is a skill to knowing how and where and why to use boundaries. Learn powerful ways to assess and force self-loving boundaries with respect for those around you.
A boundary is like a fence. It isn’t telling anyone else to what to do, rather it’s saying what works for you. It is protecting your mind your heart your body and your airspace around you. It’s setting a fence in the appropriate place to protect you with the stopgap in all areas of your life. For example, with emotional boundaries with relationships, family boundaries with life choices, boundaries in the workplace with co-workers. Setting healthy personal boundaries can help not just you but those you come in contact with each day.
I'll show four steps to setting boundaries that are nice and firm. I repeat nice and firm. Not too nice like, “Gosh, you should be nice to me,"...or too firm like, “you horrible person you need to go to hell for that!” Nice and Firm boundary says, “If you…..then I’ll.....and I love you. Any questions?”
Four steps include
- Have a little talk with yourself.--Decide what do you really want to happen.
- Set that boundary.--Decide exactly what boundary you want and what will work for you and what will definitely not work for you.
- Prepare to hold your ground.--Decide how to enforce that boundary, let’s see if that happens again what will you do?
- Stick to your guns.--Let others know your boundary before you start to enforce it.
In this podcast, we talk about specific examples. Boundaries are the best. Boundaries are the only thing that helps us live the best years of our life with love for ourselves and respect for others! If you enjoyed today's episode and you love the format of the show, can you help me convince others to listen too? All you have to do is leave a quick review and rating on iTunes (and subscribe if you haven't already). That would mean the world to me, thank you so much!
Enjoy your own company big time! being alone is so awesome. Go on a date with the coolest person you know, yourself! Yes, no one bugs you, no one talks to you, and you can actually hear yourself think!! No more fear of loneliness, no more loneliness and depression, learn how to enjoy being single or married with 1000 kids but enjoying that beautiful, wonderful, delightful, silence that surrounds you, as you can do what you want, be what you want, think how you want to, understand yourself more, and totally get along with yourself in a wonderful way. I share my first resistant feelings to going to a movie or out to dinner with myself, now it’s my favorite thing. Yay, tonight I have a date with the coolest girl ever. Me! "Apologies for the Audio Quality on this Episode. We are working on it"
Respecting your parents even if they’re difficult, while learning to not still be afraid of their opinions after 50. What? We’ve all heard to respect our parents, respect your parents respect her parents. In every culture it’s a high value to always respect one’s parents. But what do you do if your parents hate you? What do you do if they are critical ALL the time? What if they are bossy and treat you like you are a child?
Are you dealing with difficult parents and would like to have a normal parent adult child relationship? Well, join the club of many people who feel controlled, abused, criticized or discounted by their parents as they age. Bad relationships with parents can be very common because of generational differences or personalities. Most parents are pretty stubborn because they’re set in their ways.
Learn how to emotionally separate from your parents in this podcast, and learn how the roles are supposed to change. What I’m about to share with you, in a simple and powerful exercise, isn’t always intuitive, and I’m sure it will be eye-opening for you.
When you were young you looked way up to your parents literally. If you get on your knees and look up at your sister who is 5’2” she will look huge. Your parents were giant and they had control over everything you ate, everything you wore, and in everything you did. Your parents had 100% responsibility of the relationship when you were tiny and as you grew, you actually should have become more responsible for this relationship. At some point we children who are 50 and 60 have all of the responsibility of the relationship because our parents are now elderly and stuck in their ways. I will show you how to feel and understand that, and operate from a place of love when we look at our controlling parents.
Then I give you verbiage of how to speak with respect and firmness with great boundaries. Such as “I need you to… This works for me… This doesn’t work for me… What I’ve decided mom is…“
So as you understand your role has changed, and you have respect for boundaries, life becomes better and you can learn to understand and enjoy your mom and dad while they’re still around.
I might note that if your parents have passed on, this process is still super useful, because the only limitations we have are the ways we think and the meanings we make. By shifting your thinking you can shift the way you think about your parents from the other side.
Love to have your comments about how this may have helped you
How to Declutter your mind quickly now! Clutter and anxiety go together, we all know that! Don’t you hate feeling overwhelmed, confused, and helpless about your mind spinning and spinning in circles?
Do you feel like you’re not only letting yourself down, but letting other people down as well? That pretty much sucks, right?
What would your life be like if you had brain focus?? But wait, what is that? It’s being able to focus, concentrate on what’s important, and delete mental confusion!
OK, so you want to declutter your mind. Come learn organized thinking techniques with me, with a simple and quick exercise.
Organized thoughts equals an organized life which leads you to the success You desire. The greatest success in life is PEACE of mind.
- I use this exercise almost every day to organize my internal thoughts, so I can be, ON THE GO, efficiently.
I appreciate any comments you have and feedback. Subscribe if you want to be notified when i release a new episode. I look forward to working with you to Help you Finally Experience REAL Change In Your Life!
The age ol question, what is love? I go over all types of definitions, but after all that, I sum up what I think! We discuss the Human definition, emotional definition, and spiritual definitions. Well my summary definition is: “Love is when you care how someone feels!” Care, how THEY feel. Not just how you feel! That’s a twist hu? If your neighbor told you his son was hurt, you might care but probably wouldn't care as much as if your parent or child was hurt. You don’t love my son as much as i love my son, right? How much do you care how the other person feels? Love grows as you get to know someone. You can’t love someone who you don’t know. If you are really hurt by someone then you may shift and start to NOT care how they feel anymore. I have a friend that didn’t go to her dad’s funeral She stopped caring. As you get to know someone, you start to feel their feelings, you start to want to protect them, help them, and understand them better. Love grows and your caring grows. Who do you love?? How do you know?
How do you turn off those negative Thoughts in your head.
“Excuse me, am I bothering you? I was wondering if you could hear all the loud negative voices in my head.”
Have you ever been just going about your day and you just seem to be in a bad mood with a negative attitude? You have a negative mindset and you’re simply grocery shopping or going to the gym?
Automatic negative thoughts happen, and they are intrusive thoughts that show up. The thing is though the conscious mind is very different than the unconscious mind. So the first step is to stop your day and sit back and notice what negative voice you have and who’s voice is it? The truth is it’s not always your voice it’s usually your parents, siblings, colleagues, spouses – someone else’s voice, That through the years you have morphed into your own mind.
Follow us through an exercise on this podcast with four simple steps to completely turn off those negative voices, have more self-worth stop being negative and live more as you choose.
College at 50 am I too old? What a typical question. How about going back to school at 60 years old, 70 or 80. Well let me ask you this, are you too tall or too short to go to school? Or to black or to white to go to school? Of course not!
Going back to school at 50 years old or going back to school at 60 years plus is easy when you are motivated and organized. It helps your life Flourish in so very many ways. And causes your mind to be very alert.
I sure enjoy being a college professor and having a private practice and I’m grateful I took the journey.
My dad always encouraged education because on his father’s dying deathbed he was told “Verl get an education.”
My story is also great for young freshman. Do you realize that pacing yourself is appropriate.
Thanks for pushing the like button if what I have shared is useful, I appreciate any comments you have and feedback. I look forward to working with you to Flourish further in other areas of life: health and fitness, personal empowerment, relationships etc.!!
Aren’t defensive people difficult? I’m not yelling, I’m not judgmental you awful person, I’m not rude. This podcast teaches you how to take responsibility for your actions but owning your actions or not owning them. Is it true did you say that did you mean that? Or is it not true you did not say or mean that. Defensiveness equals you’re a little bit guilty so a person becomes defensive. So either say I don’t own it, or I do on that I did or didn’t do that. Take the power back by owning up which will help every conversation and relationship become better. If you feel it, please share.
Can’t sleep? Trouble sleeping each night? Oh that is awful….it ruins your day and life! Rule out sleep apnea or something medical. This is for the average person that has a lot on their minds and just cant seem to let go. Don’t you wonder, why can’t I sleep through the night? In the old days we worked with the sun. Now we’re all screwed up! Well, do you want to know how to get to sleep when you can’t? Let me guess a few things about you… I will be a Fortune Teller… Ok, I bet you have a different routine and time of bed each night? You eat randomly and late? You have LOTS on your mind? Do projects on your bed besides sleep?
I was tucking my 6 year old G-son into bed a few months ago. After I sang and read a story he looked at me, turned over, pulled his knees to his chest and his blanket up to his neck, then said, “Bye Nana, I’m going to TELEPORT till MORNING.” Oh my gosh. For him, he shuts his eyes and the next thing he knows it that it is morning! How does he do that? Well, for one thing, because he doesn’t not have stress and a lot on his mind, to start! And I do believe he does all the following tips I am going to share with you.
So here are my Insomnia remedies. Or insomnia cures. It’s simply things to help you sleep, that work!
After this you may say Duh. But all i have done is compiled this list of obvious things that when put together WORK. It is the best!
Can I love AGAIN? That’s a super good question! Love, oh gosh. Just to be honest I just went through a break up. And it was so painful, But, I think I have come up with some amazing answers of how to break through and open to love again! Yay.
I would rather break my leg than do that pain again, so I am talking to myself as well here. In this last few years i have gone through the hardest breakup ever, then my hero, my dad passed away and my sister who was my best friend passed from cancer. I lost my home, my cars and all i owned due to a bad relationship. I blocked my heart. It is a weird feeling.
I am excited to take my own advice. And it is working...
Definitions of love are many, but my definition is, WHEN YOU CARE HOW SOMEONE FEELS….. sexual in love, mother in love, owner of a dog in love.
The pain of love can occur when there is loss. The vulnerability of being hurt is Real! Opening up and then being rejected, abandoned, betrayed, taken advantage of- WAP! It’s horrible!!!. It not only broken hearted, that actually fells like it breaks the heart muscle, it is like having your cells torn apart in every part of the body. Can’t eat, sleep, your identity is broken.! Walls, shut down! Does love hurt? No, but breaking out of love does!!! Hell yes.
Oh God! I’m not doing that again! -afraid to love again, ya think? It’s a really good question can i love after divorce? Or long term relationship
….So, let’s see, if you don’t want to love does that mean I won’t care how someone feels again??
In order to love AGAIN, I think you need to start the process logically instead of emotionally like you did last time. Let me explain:
- It is normal to be cautious after being hurt. KEEP you caution until you state WHAT you LEARNED! We replay things in our heads over and over, and the reason is that our unconscious is trying to never let that happen again! So sit down and be mindful of what you leaned! Did you learn to stop creating him or her to be something their not? (I did that in my last relationship big time, AHH awful-horrid) did you give up yourself, as you gave your love? Did you idealize them too much and they let you down? What is the learning? What aren’t you going to do again? When you state that, you are on the right tracK!!
- Can’t love who you don’t know. As you get to know them, your love grows!! Because you start feeling like you care how they feel.
- Put yourself in their place. What is it like to be them? How do they see the world? What makes them tick? What makes them sad? Do you care if they are sad? You lived through your last crap. You deserve to go again. You deserve all good things. It is so better to love than be loved. Focus on loving, caring and understanding without expectations of anything coming back! Love outward... and the physics are, when you love OUT and give, it comes back bigger than it went out. Truth! But if it doesn’t come back that’s ok because you are loving OUT with no expectations.
I love you! I do. I think i can love you because if you are reaching out to this podcast, i can feel you. I can feel your desires and intent! And the more I know you, the more I can specifically love you. Tell me about yourself in the comments and share your love process stories.
Thanks for listening! If you enjoyed today's episode I would be grateful if you would leave me a quick review and rating on iTunes (click here) so I have feedback! Also, subscribe if you haven't already so you can be alerted when a new episode comes out. That would mean the world to me, thank you so much!
If you want the episode show notes and a full transcript go to www.whatstopsyou.com
I hope this helped. Thanks for joining me. Talk soon.
Talk soon Dar-lings!
Show Notes: Am I in love? Yes, no, well kinda, I don’t know! Have you ever asked someone this question and they pause, and tip their head, and squint their eyes and then half answer the question? Because most people don’t really know what love is or how it actually feels. It’s all a little bit confusing isn’t it now.
What Does Love Mean? Webster says love is an intense feeling of deep affection, or a deep romantic sexual attachment to someone. But I love my dog and I’m not attracted that way, LOL. So what the heck is the definition? Well I’m going to sum it up and say my definition for love is an energetic vibration of care and concern for another person/thing. And an even better definition of love is when I Care how someone feels. Yes love is when I care how someone feels. Not just how I feel but how I care about how they feel.
Then I talk about the reason we’re a little confused as we’re not all one piece. We look like one human being but we are actually comprised of parts. We have a head, heart, body, spirit, and God. That is logical and makes sense of the relationship.
Is Love a Feeling? 1 to 10 how much do you love someone with your head. The heart is an emotional Oregon it feels it expands and contracts in response and eggs and flips. How much do you love someone with your heart? This is the place where you care how someone feels. Then there’s the body 1 to 10 how attracted are you to them physically and with touch sight smell etc. Then the spirit how closely connected are your spirits if you didn’t have a body, and you were just floating around? And finally the gut. Just that gut feeling that you truly love someone and they are your person.
Always consider that the stages of love grow or dissipate. The first stage is romance, then awakening, then in control, then acceptance then pure love, a spiritual connection vibration mind body and spirit. I love to talk about love.
Thanks for listening! If you enjoyed today's episode I would be grateful if you would leave me a quick review and rating on iTunes (click here) so I have feedback! Also, subscribe if you haven't already so you can be alerted when a new episode comes out. That would mean the world to me, thank you so much! If you want the episode show notes and a full transcript go to www.whatstopsyou.com
I would Love to hear your comments on todays topic! How this information has helped you?
Talk soon Dar-lings!
What exactly is self-worth? How can I build my self-esteem and self-confidence?
Well as we look at people all over the place we realize that the default emotion in most people is low self-worth. People are hard on themselves, diss on themselves, and are very critical of themselves.
In this podcast we do a few self-esteem assessments: Answer the question, I have good self-esteem when.... after you make that list look back and see if your qualities are internal or external. External qualities are ones you can see and internal is a feeling. How did you do?
Of course I have many more self-esteem building activities and confidence building activities. Visit my website for more www.whatstopsyou.com