Sam and Erica's Marriage Podcast: Recent Episodes

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Meeting your Spouse’s Emotional Needs in Your Marriage Part 3 (Intimate Conversation & Physical Attractiveness)

Episode 015

June 25, 2019

Introduction 1. Welcome 2. Subscribe 3. The 3rd part of our series on Meeting my Spouse’s Emotional needs. Intimate Conversation & Physical Attractiveness

Discussion Erica: How we arrived at this topic- Share the conversation we had with the girls. (See episode 13)

• Get dialogue going between husband and wife if nothing else

Recap See episode 13 for details

Questionnaire to identify your emotional need

Scripture: Philippians 2:3-4 “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.” 1. 1. What are my emotional needs? 1. Intimate Conversation (Erica talks about this) #2 most important Emotional need for women.

• First emotional need met in an affair (Willard F. Harley)

• Intimacy ( PKJ- Into me I ALLOW you to see)

• How am I doing?

• How am I feeling?

• What do I think?

• Ryan’s question

• Dating vs Married Conversations

• Dating getting to know each other from the beginning

• Married continuing to get to know other (lifelong journey)

• Date night conversations

• We have different reasons for talking

• Men talk to relay information-head to head (example- sports stats)

• Women talk to connect-heart to heart (I’m feeling this way)

• Women are eager to share with other men the problems they are having in the relationship

• Give her a reason to want to talk to you

• Reasons he won’t talk to me

• Nagging Prov 27:15 “A quarrelsome wife is like the dripping of a leaky roof in a rainstorm;”

• Critical

• Monopolize Conversation

• Conversation Volly

• Practical ways to meet your spouse’s emotional need for Intimate Conversation

• 1. 1. Physical Attractiveness (Sam talks about this)

• People with this need want their spouse to be hot

• To be physically attractive

• Some men (people) could care less...they have other emotional needs that are much more important.

• Its not about looking like someone else but being the best, sexiest, healthiest, hottest version of you.

• Love me as I am!

• To a person that has this emotional need those are fighting words

• Physical Attractiveness seems like a trivial need...unless it yours (But they all do to someone that doesn’t have them)

• A person with this need takes it personally when its met and personally when its not.

• A good indicator that this may be high on your spouse’s list is if they put a lot of energy into their appearance.

• The Bible speaks of fitness 1 Corinthians 6:19-20 Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body.

• Practical ways to meet your spouse’s need of Physical Attractiveness

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Meeting your Spouse’s Emotional Needs in Your Marriage Part 2 (Affection & Sexual Fulfillment)

Episode 014

June 17, 2019

Introduction 1. Welcome 2. Subscribe 3. The 2nd part of our series on Meeting my Spouse’s Emotional needs. Affection and Sexual Fulfillment

Discussion Erica: How we arrived at this topic- Share the conversation we had with the girls. ( See episode 13)

• Get dialogue going between husband and wife if nothing else

Recap See episode 13 for details

Questionnaire to identify your emotional need

1. 1. What are my emotional needs? Questionnaire 1. Affection (Erica talks about this) As it turns out this is my #1 need Scripture ‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭31:10‬ ‭“A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies.”‬‬
2. Non sexual way of showing he cares

3. Makes us feel like we are the most important person to you

4. Things you used to do before you were married

5. Men were not raised to show affection

6. Tell him what you like

7. Practical ways to meet your spouses emotional need for Affection

8. 1. 1. Sexual Fulfillment (Sam talks about this)

9. The misunderstanding

10. Sex is as important to a man is as affection is to a woman and vise vera but we dont get it.

Drive 1. Testosterone makes it a biological thing

Sexual Awareness 1. Men, most while their still boys, discover their sexuallity early and therefore usually bring more understanding of how to have a pleasurable sexual experience into a marriage.

• Motivation

• That sexdrive, the pleasure and the connection all motivate a man for women its a lot less biological and much more about intimacy and the emotional connection

• Practical ways to meet your spouse’s need of Sexual Fulfillment

• How do I feel/respond if my needs are not being met?

  1. Resentment
• Frustration- only restaurant - 1 Corinthians 7:5 Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.

Anger (“My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires.”) “In your anger do not sin”: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry,”‭‭Ephesians‬ ‭4:26‬ Insecure Withdraw Lonely

What happens in my marriage if my needs are not being met? 1. Disconnect/Drift 2. Affairs/Temptation 3. Lashing out James 3:6 “The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole body, sets the whole course of one’s life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell.

ACTION ITEMS 1. Pray for our podcast/marriage-we are praying for you. 2. Don’t forget to subscribe. 3. Share the podcast with two other people. 4. Now that you have a better idea of what your spouse’s emotional needs are try to focus on meeting his/her # 1 need this week. It may be awkward at first but so was that first date. Give each other grace as you exercise this muscle. You can do it!

RESOURCES

Bible

His Needs, Her Needs- Building an Affair Proof Marriage Willard F. Harley, Jr.

https://amzn.to/30TX9xc

For Married Men Only- Dr. Tony Evans

https://amzn.to/31016k3

For Married Women Only-Dr. Tony Evans

https://amzn.to/2QGP4Ht

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Meeting your Spouse’s Emotional Needs in Your Marriage: Part 1

Episode 013

June 3, 2019

Introduction 1. Welcome 2. Subscribe 3. Multi part series on Meeting my Spouse’s Emotional needs.

Discussion How we arrived at this topic- Share the conversation we had with the girls. Share experience with the book in the past and how we landed on reading the book a second time.

• Introduction to book in small group season at our church
• We are afraid to be honest with our spouse for fear of response (spouse/culture)
  • Erica’s response to Sam’s need
  • Sam’s response to Erica’s need
• Get dialogue going between husband and wife if nothing else
• We have to understand the needs that are marital related and the ones that are rooted in childhood issues. i.e needs not met by an absentee father/abusive mother, seek professional help if necessary.

What are my emotional needs? 1. Identify what my emotional needs are? 2. Is it unrealistic for me to expect my spouse to meet my emotional needs? 3. How do I feel/respond if they are not being met? 4. What happens in my marriage if they are not being met? 5. How do I feel/respond when they are being met? 6. What happens in my marriage if they are being met? 7. How do I let my spouse know what they are? 8. What should we do with this information?

1. Identify what my emotional needs are? (listed in no order)
2. 1. Answer the questions on the questionnaire (Sam introduce the easy way to figure it out)

3. Affection

4. Sexual Fulfillment

5. Intimate Conversation

6. Recreational Companionship

7. Honesty and Openness

8. Physical Attractiveness

9. Financial Support

10. Domestic Support

11. Family Commitment

12. Admiration

13. Be honest with yourself

    1. We may not understand our own needs
    2. Don’t just focus on the ones not being met
14. Don’t be ashamed of your emotional needs
    1. Your need is your need

ACTION ITEMS 1. Pray for our podcast/marriage-we are praying for you. 2. Don’t forget to subscribe. 3. Share the podcast with two other people. 4. Take some time and talk through your emotional needs with your spouse. ??

RESOURCES

Bible

Emotional needs questionnaire:

https://www.marriagebuilders.com/emotional-needs-questionnaire.htm

His Needs, Her Needs- Building an Affair Proof Marriage Willard F. Harley, Jr.

https://amzn.to/30TX9xc

For Married Men Only- Dr. Tony Evans

https://amzn.to/31016k3

For Married Women Only-Dr. Tony Evans

https://amzn.to/2QGP4Ht

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Sam and Erica's Marriage podcast

Seasons in Your Marriage Part 4 of 4: Seasons - When Your Marriage is in Fall

Episode 012

May 27, 2019

Introduction 1. Welcome 2. Subscribe. 3. Part 4 of our 4 part series on Seasons In Your Marriage “When Your Marriage is in Fall”

What is fall in a marriage? 1. Seasons teach us about God and can teach us things about marriage? 2. What fall is? 3. What fall is not? 4. So what do we do now that we know?

Psalm 74:17 It was you who set all the boundaries of the earth; you made both summer and winter.

1. Seasons are natural laws that further reveal truths about God and His creation

2. 1. He shows us things that apply to all of creation
   2. Natural laws
      1. You reap what you sow
      2. You always reap more than you sow
         1. We can add
         2. God Multiplies
      3. You always reap in like kind
         1. Harvest of plenty
         2. Harvest of lack
      4. We don’t reap in the same season that we sow
         1. Patience
      5. You can’t change this year’s harvest
         1. You can learn from it though
         2. Insanity
3. How do seasons apply to marriage
   1. There are different things that we should be doing in each season‭‭
   2. Seasons are connected
      1. Happens in this season impact a future season
   3. Seasons are temporary

Gen 8:22 "As long as the earth endures, seedtime and harvest, cold and heat, summer and winter, day and night will never cease."

1. What fall is
2. The season to harvest
   1. Finally, you get to reap all that you’ve sown

Galatians 6:9 Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.

1. A busy season
   1. labor intensive
2. Season of preparation Proverbs‬ ‭31:21‬ ‭NIV‬‬ “When it snows, she has no fear for her household; for all of them are clothed in scarlet.”
3. A season of beauty
4. Season of calmness

Ecclesiastes 3:4 “a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance,” ‭‭1. Fall is a time to work and a time celebrate

1. Our next season or two are often tied to the success of the harvest
   1. Cultivating in summer helps a builds a healthy harvest
2. It’s the season in your marriage when your plans have matured (become full grown)
3. Fall is the first season to enjoy, things you’ve planted in a previous season
4. What fall is not
5. The time to rest
   1. We have work to do
6. The season for planning or changing your plans

scripture ?***James‬ ‭5:7‬ ‭? “Be patient, then, brothers and sisters, until the Lord’s coming. See how the farmer waits for the land to yield its valuable crop, patiently waiting for the autumn and spring rains.” ‭‭

1. What then should we do in Fall

Mark‬ ‭12:30-31‬ ‭NIV‬‬“ Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.’ The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no commandment greater than these.”” ‭‭

1. Enjoy the fruit
2. Maximize time together
   1. Dating
   2. Mini-getaways
3. Finish strong!

Galatians 6:9 And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up.

1. Celebrate the increase God has blessed you with!

ACTION ITEMS 1. Pray for our podcast-we are praying for you. 2. Don’t forget to subscribe. 3. Share the podcast with two other people. 4. Tune in for our next series on successfully meeting those emotional needs. Leave a voicemail or comment on whatever platform you listen to the podcast. We are eager to hear from you.

NEXT EPISODE A day in the life of Sam and Erica’s Marriage. Meeting those emotional needs. Oh boy!!

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Sam and Erica's Marriage podcast

Seasons in Your Marriage Part 3 of 4: Seasons - When Your Marriage is in Summer

Episode 011

April 1, 2019

Introduction 1. Welcome 2. Good to be back! We were on our getaway. 3. Part 3 of our 4 part series on Seasons In Your Marriage “When Your Marriage is in Summer”

Discussion What is summer in a marriage? 1. How do seasons relate to marriage? 2. What summer is? 3. What summer is not? 4. So what do we do now that we know?

1. Seasons are natural laws that further reveal truths about God and His creation
   1. He demonstrates His sovereignty
      1. We can’t make a season change. Only God can!
      2. Make the most of each season, because when it’s over it’s over.

Psalm 74:17 It was you who set all the boundaries of the earth; you made both summer and winter.

1. How do seasons apply to marriage
   1. There are different things that we should be doing in each season
   2. Seasons are temporary.
   3. Our experiences happen in and out of season not the other way around.
      1. A person might describe 3 tough years in their marriage as one long season when in fact during those 3 years that person actually had a tough time that spanned 12 full seasons.

Gen 8:22 "As long as the earth endures, seedtime and harvest, cold and heat, summer and winter, day and night will never cease."

1. What summer is
2. The growing season
3. A great season for activity, recreation and hanging out. Ecclesiastes 3:4 “a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance,” ‭‭1. Opposite of winter
   1. Noisy
   2. Energized
4. A time for shepherding and cultivating

5. Lots of fruit ripens in summer

   1. Expect to begin to enjoy, for the first time, things you’ve planted in a previous season

6. Season for lovers

   1. Romance
   2. Popular season for weddings
7. Gratitude
   1. “What good is the warmth of summer, without the cold of winter to give it sweetness?” -John Steinbeck.
8. What summer is not
9. A season of perfection
   1. It rains
   2. Cool nights
   3. Grass turns brown
10. The primary season to harvest
11. 1. Things that we’ve planted are growing but not quite ready for harvest
    2. We have to be patient and not try to harvest too soon.

scripture ?***James‬ ‭5:7‬ ‭? “Be patient, then, brothers and sisters, until the Lord’s coming. See how the farmer waits for the land to yield its valuable crop, patiently waiting for the autumn and spring rains.” ‭‭

1. What then should we do in Summer
2. Make the best of the time together
3. Take time to rest in this busy season-Harvest season is coming
4. Have fun!

ACTION ITEMS 1. Pray for our podcast-we are praying for you. 2. Don’t forget to subscribe. 3. Share the podcast with two other people. 4. Take some time throughout this month and pay attention to which season your marriage is in. Let us know how it goes. Leave a voicemail or comment on whatever platform you listen to the podcast. We are eager to hear from you.

RESOURCES

NEXT EPISODE Next we dig a little deeper into the different “seasons” of marriage.

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Sam and Erica's Marriage podcast

Seasons in Your Marriage Part 2 of 4: Seasons - When Your Marriage is in Spring

Episode 010

March 4, 2019

Introduction 1. Welcome 2. Subscribe...it’s free! 3. Part 1 of our 4 part series on Seasons In Your Marriage “When Your Marriage is in Spring”

Discussion What is spring in a marriage? 1. How do seasons relate to marriage? 2. What spring is? 3. What spring is not? 4. So what do we do now that we know?

1. Seasons are natural laws that further reveal truths about God and His creation
   1. He demonstrates His sovereignty
      1. We can’t make a season change. Only God can!
      2. Spring always follows winter
2. How do seasons apply to marriage
   1. There are different things that we should be doing in each season
   2. Seasons are temporary.
   3. Our experiences happen in and out of season not the other way around.
      1. A person might describe 3 tough years in their marriage as one long season when in fact during those 3 years that person actually had a tough time that spanned 12 full seasons.

Gen 8:22 "As long as the earth endures, seedtime and harvest, cold and heat, summer and winter, day and night will never cease."

1. What spring is
2. A time when things begin to grow
3. A time when there’s new energy and vitality
4. A time for prime time for planting
   1. Starting something new

Gal 6:7 Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows.

1. Spring is the season when we’re most optimistic and hopeful.
2. Spring is the time when we begin acting on those things we planned in winter.
3. What spring is not
4. A time for reaping
   1. We tend to have unreasonable expectations for spring
5. The season to chill (that winter)
   1. Spring is about working
   2. There is no better time to plant seeds than spring

Pro 31:21 NIV When it snows, she has no fear for her household; for all of them are clothed in scarlet.

1. What then should we do in spring
2. Plant those things that want to harvest in future seasons
3. When you’re in a bad season you have to remember to plant good seed
4. Celebrate surviving the winter
5. Get and stay active

ACTION ITEMS 1. Pray for our podcast-we are praying for you. 2. Don’t forget to subscribe. 3. Share the podcast with two other people. 4. Take some time throughout this month and pay attention to which season your marriage is in. Let us know how it goes. Leave a voicemail or comment on whatever platform you listen to the podcast. We are eager to hear from you.

RESOURCES Recreational Enjoyment Inventory from His Needs, Her Needs

Recreational Enjoyment Inventory

His Needs, Her Needs by Willard F. Harley, Jr.

His Needs, Her Needs on Amazon

Love and Respect by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs

Love & Respect on Amazon

A Celebration of Sex by Dr. Douglas E. Rosenau

A Celebration of Sex on Amazon

NEXT EPISODE Next we dig a little deeper into the different “seasons” of marriage.

View Details

Sam and Erica's Marriage podcast

Seasons in Your Marriage Part 1 of 4: Seasons - When Your Marriage is in Winter

Episode 009

March 4, 2019

Introduction 1. Welcome 2. Subscribe...it’s free! 3. Part 1 of our 4 part series on Seasons In Your Marriage “When Your Marriage is in Winter”

Discussion What is winter in a marriage? 1. How do seasons relate to marriage? 2. What winter is? 3. What winter is not? 4. So what do we do now that we know?

1. What are seasons and how do they relate to marriage?

Rom 1:20 For since the creation of the world God's invisible qualities--his eternal power and divine nature--have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made, so that people are without excuse.

1. God reveals himself to us through creation
   1. His sovereignty
2. Seasons are natural laws that further reveal truths about God and His creation
   1. We can’t make a season change. Only God can!
3. Seasons mean a lot to us personally
   1. We chose to name our ministry “Seasons” because of the power of this concept
4. How do seasons apply to marriage
   1. We have each of the 4
   2. God gives a plan for each of the 4
   3. If we are present and obedient in the season we’re in we are almost ensured better seasons in the future

Gal 6:7 Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows.

Gen 8:22 "As long as the earth endures, seedtime and harvest, cold and heat, summer and winter, day and night will never cease."

1. What winter is
2. A time where very little grows
3. A time when things are less active (stillness)
4. A time for prime time for rest and restoration
   1. Almost forced
5. A season filled with beauty...but the beauty looks different
6. A great season for planning and preparing for the rest of the year
7. What winter is not
8. A dead season
   1. Your marriage, love or spiritual things are not dead
9. A desperate season
   1. It’s only desperate when you haven’t handled your previous seasons properly

Pro 31:21 NIV When it snows, she has no fear for her household; for all of them are clothed in scarlet.

1. A dry season
   1. Technically the precipitation of winter is the basis for the spring growth.

2. A season to be depressed

3. Winter can be as fun and as fulfilling as any other season

4. What then should we do in winter

5. Enjoy all your harvest from the fall
6. Great season for hanging out with your spouse
7. Good time to start new spiritual disciplines
8. Plan your spring and summer
9. Enjoy things that you can only do in winter

ACTION ITEMS 1. Pray for our podcast-we are praying for you. 2. Don’t forget to subscribe. 3. Share the podcast with two other people. 4. Take some time throughout this month and pay attention to which season your marriage is in. Let us know how it goes. Leave a voicemail or comment on whatever platform you listen to the podcast. We are eager to hear from you.

RESOURCES Recreational Enjoyment Inventory from His Needs, Her Needs

Recreational Enjoyment Inventory

His Needs, Her Needs by Willard F. Harley, Jr.

His Needs, Her Needs on Amazon

Love and Respect by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs

Love & Respect on Amazon

A Celebration of Sex by Dr. Douglas E. Rosenau

A Celebration of Sex on Amazon

NEXT EPISODE Next we dig a little deeper into the different “seasons” of marriage.

View Details

Sam and Erica's Marriage podcast

Romance in Your Marriage Part 4 of 4: Romance - Celebrating Your Spouse

Episode 008

February 25, 2019

Introduction 1. Welcome 2. Subscribe...it’s free! 3. Part 4 of our 4 part series on Romance In Your Marriage “Celebrating your gift”

Discussion How to Celebrate Your Spouse! 1. What does it mean to celebrate your spouse? 2. Why should we celebrate our spouse? 3. When should we celebrate our spouse? 4. How should we celebrate our spouse?

1. Celebrating each other is a fundamental element of romance.

Romans 12:10: Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves.

1. Celebrating your spouse is an act of obedience that will endear you to one another
2. Being celebrated reminds us that we are loved
3. Celebration is both motivation and reward
4. Celebrating your spouse touches them deeply and in most cases permanently
5. Why should we celebrate our spouse
6. Celebrating your spouse is another way you strengthen your connection
7. Being celebrated reminds us that we are loved
8. Celebrating each other creates a “fan” culture
9. Celebrating builds confidence
10. Creates memories
11. Builds oneness-teamwork
12. Leaves a legacy for our children

1 Peter 4:8: Most important of all, continue to show deep love for each other, for love covers a multitude of sins.

1. When should we celebrate our spouse ‭. A. Birthday

2. Anniversaries

3. Accomplishments

4. Milestones
5. Holidays
6. Daily-regularly
7. How should we celebrate our spouse
8. Publicly
9. Privately
10. In the way your spouse appreciates most (speak your spouse’s love language)
11. Authentically
12. Sacrificially

Matthew 6:21: Where your treasures are your heart will be also.

ACTION ITEMS 1. Pray for our podcast-we are praying for you. 2. Don’t forget to subscribe. 3. Share the podcast with two other people. 4. If within the last 6 months you had a “miss” with celebrating your spouse.. how about a “do-over”. Celebrate them, celebrate each other. Let us know how it goes. Leave a voicemail or comment on whatever platform you listen to the podcast. We are eager to hear from you.

RESOURCES Recreational Enjoyment Inventory from His Needs, Her Needs

Recreational Enjoyment Inventory

His Needs, Her Needs by Willard F. Harley, Jr.

His Needs, Her Needs on Amazon

Love and Respect by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs

Love & Respect on Amazon

A Celebration of Sex by Dr. Douglas E. Rosenau

A Celebration of Sex on Amazon

NEXT EPISODE Next we dig a little deeper into the different “seasons” of marriage.

View Details

Sam and Erica's Marriage podcast

Romance in Your Marriage Part 3 of 4: Romance - Let’s get away!!

Episode 007

February 18, 2019

Introduction 1. Welcome 2. Go ahead and subscribe...it’s free! 3. Part 3 of our 4 part series on Romance In Your Marriage “Let’s get away!!

Discussion

Why is a getaway important?

• It gives you something to look forward to
• To reconnect
• To celebrate your marriage
  • This may be a new concept for you.
  • Parents never took vacations together
  • Leaving a legacy for legacy
• To make new memories

What should we do on our getaway?

• Sex
  • Corinthians 7:1-4 “Now for the matters you wrote about: “It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman.” But since sexual immorality is occurring, each man should have sexual relations with his own wife, and each woman with her own husband. The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife.” ‭‭
• Set goals
• Spend time doing things you enjoy doing together
• Try something new
• REST!!!
  • Mark 6:30-31” The apostles gathered around Jesus and reported to him all they had done and taught. Then, because so many people were coming and going that they did not even have a chance to eat, he said to them, “Come with me by yourselves to a quiet place and get some rest.””
  • We are a society that’s busier than ever these days.
    • Kids are constantly on the go.
    • Ministry
    • Work

How long should a getaway last?

• We recommend at least 3-4 days (but shoot for as long as possible)-it may take you 1 whole day for travel and just to unwind from the last few months or year depending on how long it’s been since your last getaway.
• If you go to a conference try to go a day or 2 ahead and/or stay a day or two later
• As important as the number of days are, and they are, the quality of the time is just as important.

Who goes on the getaway?

• Husband and wife only
  • This says to your spouse you are important to me. I want to spend this time with you.
• You can plan a family vacation and include the kids later.

Where should we go?

• Personal choice
  • Conferences
    • Good for getting refreshed in the Word on how to be married God’s way.
  • Cruises
  • All inclusive resort
  • Different cities or states
  • Favorite hotels
  • To see or do something on your Bucket List

What should we do to prepare?

• Pray/Fast ahead of time.
  • John 10:10 “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.” ‭‭
• Plan ahead financially (spending plan)
• Make sure you get passports way ahead of time if you’re leaving the country
• Have backup plans for childcare/petcare

What should we take?

• As little as possible
• Music

ACTION ITEMS 1. ? Share in the comment section how this is going. We want to hear about it. 2. Pray for our podcast-we are praying for you. 3. Don’t forget to subscribe. 4. Share the podcast with two other people.

RESOURCES Recreational Enjoyment Inventory from His Needs, Her Needs

Recreational Enjoyment Inventory

His Needs, Her Needs by Willard F. Harley, Jr.

His Needs, Her Needs on Amazon

Love and Respect by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs

Love & Respect on Amazon

A Celebration of Sex by Dr. Douglas E. Rosenau

A Celebration of Sex on Amazon

NEXT EPISODE Next we continue our discussion on Romance In Your Marriage.

View Details

Sam and Erica's Marriage podcast

Romance in Your Marriage Part 2 of 4: Romance - Fanning the Flames

Episode 006

February 11, 2019

Introduction 1. Welcome 2. Go ahead and subscribe...it’s free! 3. Part 2 of our 4 part series on Romance In Your Marriage

Discussion

Fanning the flames

When we notice the fire going out or dying down we we have take action to get those embers going again.

We have to be intentional (my word for 2019) if we want to see change.

The Drift

• Life gets in the way
• Unintentional
• Past hurts and unforgiveness can stop a relationship from growing
  • We understand that where there is hurt, resentment or unforgiveness that needs to be dealt with. We suggest you get counseling. We know it’s hard to just put a “date-aid” on a old wound and expect everything to be ok. One small “bump” and the pain will come right back. Seek professional help, it’s worth it!!
• Work, kids, ministry, family can be a diversion from what’s going on in marriage
• Can be a comfort zone

Meeting the needs of my spouse (Questionnaire)

• What are my emotional needs?
  • Be honest when filling out the survey. Your spouse can’t meet those needs if you are not honest with the answers.
• What are my spouse’s emotional needs?

Generalizations

• Her first need is Affection
  • Hold her hand
  • Cuddle for the sake of cuddling.
  • She’s not clingy she has a need.
  • She may not even be aware that this is a need until it’s not being met.
  • When you dated or early in the marriage these things were automatic.
• His first need is Sexual Fulfillment
• Her second need is Intimate Conversation
  • She wants your undivided attention.
  • She needs to know that she’s important to you and what she has to say matters.
• His second need is Recreational Companionship
  • Sam & Erica call it “hanging out”

Meeting these needs make you irresistible to your spouse

• • Realization on whether I’m meeting those needs or not - Love bank/ Love tank. - When we are meeting the emotional needs of our spouse we are making deposits into his or her account. - When we aren’t meeting those needs just the opposite is happening. We are draining our spouse and they begin to feel unloved and will retaliate in a way that hurts the relationship.
  • Am I willing to meet those needs?
  • Meeting those needs has to be intentional

• Proverbs 5:18-19 Let your fountain be blessed, and rejoice in the wife of your youth. As a living hind and graceful doe, let her breasts satisfy you at all times; Be exhilarated always with her love.

• • Ladies, I read in a book that our husbands should be so satisfied that’s it’s like if they were so stuffed with their favorite meal and were offered dessert they would turn it down.
  • It can even work even if your spouse is unaware

Burning hotter then it has in the past

• If you know your spouse’s emotional need / love language you are better equipped to show love to them in a way they need it most.

There are blessings in meeting the needs of my spouse

• Builds a deeper level of intimacy
• Opens up the possibilities in the relationship
• Creates oneness.

ACTION ITEMS 1. This time we want you to go out on a date. It’s Valentine’s Day this week. Enjoy each other. Try working in meeting the emotional needs of your spouse. Share in the comment section how this is going. We want to hear about it. 2. Pray for our podcast-we are praying for you. 3. Don’t forget to subscribe. 4. Share the podcast with two other people.

RESOURCES Recreational Enjoyment Inventory from His Needs, Her Needs

Recreational Enjoyment Inventory

His Needs, Her Needs by Willard F. Harley, Jr.

His Needs, Her Needs on Amazon

Love and Respect by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs

Love & Respect on Amazon

A Celebration of Sex by Dr. Douglas E. Rosenau

A Celebration of Sex on Amazon

NEXT EPISODE Next we continue our discussion on Romance In Your Marriage.

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Sam and Erica's Marriage podcast

Romance in Your Marriage Part 1 of 4: Romance - Date Night

Episode 005

February 4, 2019

Introduction 1. Who we are 2. Subscribe...it’s free! 3. New 4 part series on Romance In Your Marriage

Discussion Making Date Night Spicy! 1. Having a real Date Night, it’s really important 2. What’s holding you back 3. What to do 4. What not to do

1. Having a real Date Night, it’s really important

Hebrews 13:4 Let marriage be held in honor among all.

Ecclesiastes 9:9 Live happily with the woman you love through all the meaningless days of life that God has given you under the sun. The wife God gives you is your reward for all your earthly toil. She is the reward!!!

1. Date Night Builds Intimacy
   1. Intimate conversation - we did this before we married.
   2. Catching up - life moves fast we need time to reconnect.
   3. Dreaming together - this podcast is the fruit of years of sharing our dreams to serve married folk.
   4. Sex - Good Date nights usually end in sex (married folk only).
   5. Oneness - The net result when a couple commits to Date Night.
      1. Definition of oneness: the fact or state of being unified or whole,though comprised of two parts.
      2. Mark 10:7-8 ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife 8 and the two will become one flesh. So they are no longer two, but one flesh.
2. What to do

A.Pick a time that fits your schedule

1. Pick the prime real estate not the leftovers.
2. Check with family and friends for help with schedules.
3. Be creative
4. Think about the things you did before you were married
5. Explore common interests
   1. Recreational Enjoyment Inventory (see link below)
6. Datenightbox.com
7. Be consistent
8. Put it in your Spending Plan (if you don’t know what that is check out Episode 001).
9. Get excited!
10. Put the phone down!!!
11. What not to do
12. Don’t talk about the finances
13. Don’t talk about the kids
14. Don’t talk about work
15. What’s holding you back?
16. Small children
17. Money
18. No time
19. Fear (unknown)
20. Not interested

ACTION ITEMS 1. This time we want you to go out on a date. If it’s been a while and you struggle with what to talk about try sharing things you’d like to do on future dates. 2. Pray for our podcast-we are praying for you. 3. Don’t forget to subscribe. 4. Share the podcast with two other people.

RESOURCES Recreational Enjoyment Inventory from His Needs, Her Needs

Recreational Enjoyment Inventory

His Needs, Her Needs by Willard F. Harley, Jr.

His Needs, Her Needs on Amazon

Love and Respect by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs

Love & Respect on Amazon

A Celebration of Sex by Dr. Douglas E. Rosenau

A Celebration of Sex on Amazon

NEXT EPISODE Next we continue our discussion on Romance In Your Marriage.

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Sam and Erica's Marriage podcast

Money in your marriage Part 4 of 4: Money - How we give it

Episode 004

January 28, 2019

Introduction 1. Who we are 2. Subscribe...it’s free! 3. 4th and final part of our Money in your Marriage series (all of it has been info for singles too)

Discussion How we give our money 1. Giving to our church 2. Giving to our family 3. Giving to our friends 4. Giving to those in need

1. Giving to the Church (We’ll come back to this one)
2. Giving to your family

Proverbs 13:22 A good person leaves an inheritance for their children’s children, but a sinner’s wealth is stored up for the righteous.

Gifts

Birthdays

Holidays

Special Occasions

Legacy

College

Inheritance

1. Giving to your friends

1 John 3:17 But whoever has this world's goods, and sees his brother in need, and shuts up his heart from him, how does the love of God abide in him?

1. 1. Gifts
   2. Assistance
      1. Wanna be in a position to GIVE and not loan. Lending creates hardships for the family/friend in need-they are already short of monies. Tension in the relationship.
      2. Be ok with saying no if you aren’t able to give -your relationship is more important.
      3. Can be a sacrifice

2. Spouses should not loan each other money… ONENESS. If one of you is “short”, you both are “short”-Allowance helps.

3. Giving to those in need

Charity

Matthew 6:2-3 "Therefore, when you do a charitable deed, do not sound a trumpet before you as the hypocrites do in the synagogues and in the streets, that they may have glory from men. Assuredly, I say to you, they have their reward. 3 "But when you do a charitable deed, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing,

1. John 3:16. “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life”. The ultimate sacrifice can show the love of Christ to others
2. Our closets are full of items we promised we were going to wear 15lbs ago. Someone could be using those gently used items.
3. Homeless in America- According to the US Department of Housing and Urban Development's Annual Homeless Assessment Report, as of 2017 there were around 554,000 homeless people in the United States on a given night, or 0.17% of the population.
4. Share personal story-I try to go through my items 2x a year and donate to the city’s recycling program. If I come across something I’m no longer using I set it out on trash day.
5. School supplies for kids in need
6. Giving to your church

Tithe

Proverbs 3:9-10 Honor the LORD with your wealth, with the firstfruits of all your crops; 10 then your barns will be filled to overflowing, and your vats will brim over with new wine.

1. The tithe is God’s standard for giving. Not debatable.
   1. Net vs gross
   2. Old testament vs New testament
   3. Read His Word for yourself
2. It is commanded, not optional!
   1. Some people have the spiritual gift of charity and tithing is easy, natural, even supernatural.
   2. Most of us don’t. We don’t get a pass because it’s not our gift.
3. This act of worship has unique promises.
   1. Malachi 3:8-13
4. You find the promises…”See won’t I open up the windows of heaven…” is just the beginning!

Gifts/ Offerings

1. The tithe isn’t all of the giving that you can do at your church.
2. Give gifts to Pastors or leaders who have made a difference in your life or the lives of your family.
3. To help your church with special ministry initiatives.
4. Ministries that have impacted you or your family-Family Life

ACTION ITEMS 1. If you had a conversation about money this month that you wouldn’t have normally had go celebrate. You just started a new thing in your marriage and it will take it to new heights. 2. Pray for our podcast-we are praying for you. 3. Don’t forget to subscribe. 4. FEB-Join us in our next episode as we talk about “making date night spicey”

RESOURCES Budget - Excel spreadsheet

Our Spending Plan (Budget) spreadsheet

Dave Ramsey - Total Money Makeover

The Total Money Makeover on Amazon

Money and Marriage God’s Way

Money and Marriage God's Way on Amazon

Follow Josh and Bre on Instagram (just click the links below)

Follow Josh on Instagram

Follow Bre on Instagram

NEXT EPISODE Next we begin our discussion on Romance In Your Marriage.

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Sam and Erica's Marriage podcast

Money in your marriage Part 3 of 4: Money - How we save it

Episode 003

January 28, 2019

Introduction 1. Who we are 2. How we got here 3. What the podcast is all about

Discussion How we save money 1. Why should we save?

Proverbs 13:11 Dishonest money dwindles away, but whoever gathers money little by little makes it grow.

Proverbs 21:5 The plans of the diligent lead to profit as surely as haste leads to poverty.

1. How do we save.

Types and tiers

1. The Emergency Fund
2. $1000
3. Gotta do this first!
4. When you have it unexpected expenses seem to pass you by.
5. When you don’t have it unexpected expenses seem to be drawn to you like you're some kind of magnet.
6. Needs to be separate from your other finances...so it doesn’t just get pulled in.
7. Retirement savings
8. Super important
9. Invest early- can’t beat the math of compound interest
10. Don’t turn down your free money-you’ll get back to it later.
    1. Offered to participate in 401K program through work and I opted out
11. DO something!
12. Special occasion, event or purchase savings
13. Christmas - same day every year
    1. We didn’t always save or have a plan
    2. When we did it went smoother and there was less friction. Make sure you are in agreement on how much to spend.
14. Vacations - cost divided by the number of months you have until the trip. Don't forget the spending money.
    1. When you plan there is less stress. You can actually vacate while on vacation, no worries about the bills or what the bills will look like when you return home
    2. Make sure the vacation matches the season you are in in your finances. The important things are that you plan ahead and the time you spend with family.
    3. Cedar Pointe and affordable hotel stay vs Disney World (possible credit card).
    4. Be consistent (you don’t want to try to “catch-up”).
15. Household upgrades - sofa, tv, refrigerator

a.Make a list of what you want to get done in the house, together.

1. Save towards getting those things accomplished. Consider order of importance.
2. Compromise: Some things will be important to you and not your spouse.

3. Be flexible: The list will change.

4. Make sure you are in agreement on how you will save and what you are saving for.

5. Talk about the end game. You want to feel like you are working towards something.
6. Be on the same page:
7. Mark 3:25: If a house is divided against itself, that house cannot stand.
8. Psalm 133:1: How good and pleasant is it when God’s people live in unity!
9. Celebrate your victories!

ACTION ITEMS 1. Plan a day to discuss all of your thoughts on saving and what you would like to save for. Hear each other’s hearts about saving and develop a strategy to address what you uncover. You may realize how all of our action plans require some sort of discussion. That’s our way of getting you to discuss your finances. 2. Pray for our podcast 3. Like us on social media, FaceBook, Twitter and Instagram.

RESOURCES Budget - Excel spreadsheet

Our Spending Plan (Budget) spreadsheet

Dave Ramsey - Total Money Makeover

The Total Money Makeover on Amazon

Money and Marriage God’s Way

Money and Marriage God's Way on Amazon

NEXT EPISODE Next week we'll discuss how to give it.

View Details

Sam and Erica's Marriage Podcast

Money in your marriage Part 2 of 4: Money - How do you see it?

Episode 002

January 21, 2019

Introduction 1. Who we are 2. How we got here 3. What the podcast is all about

Discussion How do we see money 1. Money is a tool.

Money is not bad or evil.

1 Timothy 6:10 - For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil. Some people, eager for money, have wandered from the faith and pierced themselves with many griefs.

Hebrews 13:5 - Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, “Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.

Ecclesiastes 5:10 - He who loves money will not be satisfied with money, nor he who loves wealth with his income; this also is vanity.

You use it to build or destroy

Build wealth

Bless others

Buy more comforts

Do you want money to:

Live a certain lifestyle, buy nice things, a nice home, nice cars, etc.

Luxuries

Provide security

Emergency fund, college fund, retirement savings.

Debt

The Bible warns against debt

Proverbs 22:7 - The rich rules over the poor, and the borrower is the slave of the lender.

Proverbs 22:26 - Be not one of those who give pledges, who put up security for debts.

Hebrews 13:5 - Keep your life free from love of money, and be content with what you have, for he has said, “I will never leave you nor forsake you.”

But we still use debt, why?

What is your attitude about debt?

Some people hate it

Some people love it

Some people accept it as “that’s just a part of life”

The normal American has $38,000 in debt, not including their mortgage.(CNBC)

Is all debt created equal? Good or bad:

Credit cards

Mortgage

Payday loans

Student loans

The Bible doesn’t discriminate

So should you use debt?

The amount of debt you have, as a couple, coupled with the risk tolerance of each of you creates the formula for catastrophe in your marriage.

That’s a decision that should be made jointly.

Debt will impact other decisions. You may not be able to do things the way you would like to because of your debt and the obligation to make those payments.

Payments affect:

How you spend

How you save

How you give

I would sponsor a family at Christmas or help my children but...

So what do we do?

Discuss all debts

Only add new debt if both of you consider it and agree

Develop a plan to get out of debt that you agree on

No one would argue that the God’s perfect will is that we, his people, not be borrowers.

ACTION ITEMS 1. Plan a day to discuss all of your debt-may require getting a copy of your credit reports. Hear each other’s hearts about debt and develop a strategy to address what you uncover. 2. Pray for our podcast 3. Leave us a voicemail, let us know what you think, suggestion topics, even prayer requests.

RESOURCES Budget - Excel spreadsheet http://www.christianswithambition.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/05/glbl-budget-template_v1_1.xls

Dave Ramsey - Total Money Makeover

The Total Money Makeover on Amazon

Money and Marriage God’s Way

Money and Marriage God's Way on Amazon

NEXT WEEK’S EPISODE Next week we'll discuss how to save it.

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Sam and Erica's Marriage podcast Money in your marriage Part 1 of 4: Money - How to spend it Episode 001

January 7, 2019 Introduction Who we are

How we got here

What the podcast is all about

Discussion How should we spend our money To bless our family, especially our spouse.

So, what do you want money for?

1 Timothy 5:8 ESV — But if anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for members of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.

Proverbs 13:22 ESV — A good man leaves an inheritance to his children’s children, but the sinner’s wealth is laid up for the righteous.

Deuteronomy 28:12 ESV — The LORD will open to you his good treasury, the heavens, to give the rain to your land in its season and to bless all the work of your hands. And you shall lend to many nations, but you shall not borrow.

Do you want money to: Live a certain lifestyle

Buy nice things, nice home, nice cars, luxuries, etc.

Provide security

Emergency fund

College fund

Retirement

And of course there’s debt - we’ll talk more about that in a future episode

We should spend it with a purpose - The spending plan Find a format that works for you

We use a spreadsheet

Spending cash/ envelope system (Dave Ramsey)

Money and Marriage God’s way has examples of four systems

cash/ envelopes

pencil and paper

Software

Apps and web based

Begin with prayer

Be open to each others concerns

Review at the end of the month so you both understand the adjustments for next month.

Allocate every dollar

Estimate all income then subtract all expenses

Allowances are important!

Budget money for dates, eating out, shopping, etc.

Be honest!

Your first attempt won’t be perfect. Stay at it. It will get better.

Proverbs 27:23 NIV — Be sure you know the condition of your flocks, give careful attention to your herds;

Ecclesiastes 7:12 NIV — Wisdom is a shelter as money is a shelter, but the advantage of knowledge is this: Wisdom preserves those who have it.

ACTION ITEMS Try to prepare your own budget

Pray for our podcast

Share our podcast with your friends

Copy and share this link: seasonsministries.org/podcast

RESOURCES Budget - Excel spreadsheethttp://www.christianswithambition.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/05/glbl-budget-template_v1_1.xls

The Total Money Makeover - Dave Ramsey

Money and Marriage God's Way - Howard Dayton

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Welcome to Sam and Erica's Marriage Podcast. On our podcast we'll discuss ways of making better marriages. Join us each week as we have a fun discussion about enjoying the highs and reducing the lows of marriage. You can also find us at seasonsministries.org/podcast.