Talking With Dr Toy: Recent Episodes
Toy Lisa Mitchell
Are there areas of emotional healing that you desire in your life? Are you tired of just existing and want to start living, but you're stuck? Tune into the Talking With Dr. Toy Show where you can receive information and insight into ways you can progress through your journey to emotional healing. Various topics are addressed from a holistic perspective that are sure to encourage and inspire you. Remember, out of the heart flows the issues of life, let's talk about it. Dr. Toy.
Instead of asking what's wrong with an individual, the question should be asked what happened to you. This is an appropriate question to ask of people in your life who may be energy vampires. According to Gupta, there are several ways energy vampires interact within relationships including as the constant victim and criticizer. These types of energy vampires may be stuck in loops where they can't move beyond victimizing and negative experiences which informs their identity and their behavior. This shows up in how they relate to others which can be draining and exhausting. www.talkingwithdrtoy.com
As Mental Health Awareness month comes to a close, please remember that taking care of your mental health takes place 365 days a year. Awareness of Cup fillers and drainers are vital for maintaining your mental health. One cup drainer to recognize is energy vampires. "Energy vampires are people who sap your emotional energy either intentionally or unconsciously. They could be friends, family members, partners, colleagues, or neighbors who feed on your care and attention and can leave you feeling stressed, drained, exhausted, and overwhelmed." www.talkingwithdrtoy.com
Filling your cup is not a luxury, it is truly a necessity. You are worthy to take 10 or 15 minutes from your schedule to nourish and take of yourself. You may have received messages that you're not worthy of such care, however, you are and you can make that decision to be intentional about your self-care. Please take some sacred pauses and discover ways to improve your health, preserve your peace, increase your care, and shower yourself with love and compassion. www.talkingwithdrtoy.com
Filling your cup is not a luxury, it is truly a necessity. You are worthy to take 10 or 15 minutes from your schedule to nourish and take of yourself. You may have received messages that you're not worthy of such care, however, you are and you can make that decision to be intentional about your self-care. Please take some sacred pauses and discover ways to improve your health, preserve your peace, increase your care, and shower yourself with love and compassion. www.talkingwithdrtoy.com
Mother's Day is a significant reminder of all the work and love mother's have poured into their family, communities, and this nation. For some, today may bring about a range of emotions from happiness, gratefulness, sadness, grief, and even regret. However, you may navigate this day, please make sure you stay connected with your experience and give yourself a cup of grace. A wonderful way to do that is to ensure you identify what fills and drains your cup. www.talkingwithdrtoycom
Many counselors speak to individuals about making sure they preserve their energy by encouraging them to fill their cup. Filling one's cup simply means ensuring that their heart, mind, and even soul is nurtured and nourished with things that bring energy and life. Life can either infuse or drain individuals energy and it is important to be aware and attentive of life's cup "fillers and drainers." www.talkingwithdrtoy.com
Experiencing a constant state of being overwhelmed can adversely affect thoughts, emotions, and physical wellbeing. Although we can't always control external stressors, there are some strategies we can use to more effectively manage how we respond. Investing time by implementing certain strategies may assist in stabilizing mood and decreasing stress which may increase quality and quantity of life. www.talkingwithdrtoy.com
Resurrection or Easter Sunday is one of the most powerful days of remembrance in Christianity. It acknowledges the horrific tragedy of a crucified savior that ultimately led to one of the most powerful comebacks in history. As some celebrate and remember that sacrifice, there's also a lesson of redemption and power applicable to one's daily life. Although there are some dark moments in life where hopelessness abounds, the story doesn't have to end there. There is a possibility of the darkness giving way to the light of day which is ripe for a resurrection to occur in your life. www.talkingwithdrtoy.com
Many have experienced times when being overwhelmed was not only the emotional state of the day, but the week, and possibly months. In light of the current stressors, it is quite normal to be overwhelmed. Feeling overwhelmed indicates that "individuals' resources or resilience are not equal to the stressors they are experiencing". Signs of being overwhelmed may include low energy, feeling confused, forgetfulness, worry, negative thinking, headaches, stomachaches, and difficulty sleeping or sleeping too much. www.talkingwithdrtoy.com
Emotional numbness is a freeze response in that an individual's brain shuts down as a protective response to keep them safe when the nervous system is overloaded. Emotional numbness is helpful for awhile, but there may be consequences if it persists long-term. There are several ways to navigate emotional numbness such as mindfulness strategies, body awareness, and engaging the five senses. www.talkingwithdrtoy.com
Survivor mode has been described as "An informal term to describe when a person is affected by a prolonged stress response." It is a protective mechanism the body employs to protect you from danger (fight/flight/freeze/fawn). There are many characteristics of survival mode such as difficulty focusing, inability to rest, and emotional numbness. Emotional numbness "refers to a state of reduced or absent emotional responsiveness, where a person feels detached from their own emotions and the world around them." www.talkingwithdrtoy.com
Now that you're anchoring it is time to take it up a level by finding ways to fill your cup. Many are searching for ways to find meaning in this current world where the unknown is very prevalent. One way to cultivate meaning is to take care of your inner world. What are you doing to settle and nurture your inner being? Dr. Bryant mentions taking sacred pauses and that may be the beginning of a journey of exploration of cultivating joy, peace, calmness, and play within your inner being. www.talkingwithdrtoy.com
Anchoring is a practice that assist with developing psychological flexibility and if there ever was a time to anchor, it surely is now. So many have expressed experiencing worry, anxiety, grief, and fear and do not know what to do to process and manage these emotions. There is not a cure all for what ills society, but there are somethings that may help in navigating some of the turbulence. One such practice is called the Anchoring Heart Technique. This technique includes 3 steps: "1. Anchor your hand(s) firmly and tenderly on your heart & breath deeply. 2. Feel what you are not wanting to feel (even if only for a few seconds. 3. Be curious about the place inside you that is strong enough to hold your pain without fear." Implementing this technique is way to practice "self-compassion during times of anxiousness, stress, and helplessness." www.talkingwithdrtoy.com.
Anchoring is a coping strategy to increase psychological flexibility. Anchoring entails a strategy known as ACE. Acknowledge thoughts, feelings, and bodily sensations, Come back to your body, and Engage in what you're doing. When we think about a ship that is tossed back and forth by the waves and the storms, sometimes, especially during times like these, our lives may resemble these battered ships. However, no matter how high the waves and fierce the storms, anchoring provides steadiness. Anchoring does not prevent or calm the storm, but it can hold you in place until the storm passes. www.talkingwithdrtoy.com
Ubuntu is an ancient African word that means I am because you are. It embraces the idea that humans cannot exist in isolation. It denotes acknowledging the humanity within ourselves and within others. Robb asks two powerful questions concerning this concept: "What if what you want to be will only come about when you ensure that others get to be that as well? And what if all of humanity was on your team, working toward your good?” I believe these questions capture the meaning and significance of celebrating Black History. www.talkingwithdrtoy.com
Psychological flexibility is beneficial during times of adversity because when things seem out of control, experiencing, monitoring, and managing our reactions may be challenging but not impossible. It's easy and normal to become overwhelmed in times like these so stay attuned to how your system is responding. Psychological flexibility entails being mindful and taking care of your well-being which includes but is not limited to accepting and managing difficult emotions, handling setbacks, and finding meaning and purpose in the midst of life's circumstances. Please take care of yourselves, you're the only you we have in this world. We need you so take care and protect your wellbeing. www.talkingwithdrtoy.com
Let not your heart be trouble maybe a difficult pill to swallow in times like these. Some have expressed experiencing fear and anxiety, while others have opted to avoid or even deny some of the realities taking place in their lives. The question becomes, how do we navigate and manage difficult times, so they do not manage or overwhelm us? According to Goldman, psychological flexibility entails three components: Being present, openness, and acceptance. www.talkingwithdrtoy.com
Goldman defines psychological flexibility as "staying in the present moment and being open to experiencing whatever thoughts or feelings may arise, and then take action that is aligned with our values." There are many demands placed on individuals' lives and learning ways to navigate such situations can induce stress and anxiety. Psychological flexibility allows individuals to adapt and react to life's changes and transitions in healthy and helpful ways that enhances their well-being. www.talkingwithdrtoy.com
Happy New Year! Each New Year brings a sense of hope, expectation, dread, fear, and even anxiety. In our efforts to cope with these various emotions, we may create resolutions and intentions as an insurance policy for the upcoming year. We may construct grand intentions often neglecting and negating the small beginnings to obtain our goals. We may adopt the mentality that big is always better and small is insignificant. However, small beginnings can be just as important, valuable, and meaningful. www.talkingwithdrtoy.com
"The personal is political." Where you live and how you live is informed by politics. We live in this world and have a responsibility to friends, families, neighbors, and our ancestors. We are not above politics because we're steeped in it. If you've tuned out, please tune back in and do your due diligence to learn about the issues and the candidates. Then take action to ensure that your vote becomes your voice. Then go one step further to ensure someone else takes that same action. www.talkingwithdrtoy.com
Many may be feeling intense emotions regarding the 2024 election cycle and as a result, anxiety and worry maybe all too consuming. This presents an opportune time to re-emphasize my mini mental health check-in. The mini mental health check-in consists of four simple questions: How am I really doing, What am I experiencing, How am I experiencing it, and What do I need? These simple questions may provide beneficial insight into what's happening in your system and what is needed to assist in optimal functioning during this season. www.talkingwithdrtoy.com
In a society where so much misinformation abounds, it's understandable why individuals experience trust issues. Sometimes trust issues may mean the difference between a healthy versus a toxic relationship. Addressing trust issues includes the following: Awareness, honesty, openness, and yes, vulnerability. There are some strategies to assist in this process If individuals are willing to work on and through their issues. Listen, these strategies do not include leaving ourselves open to be taken advantage of, it entails a balanced approach to improving our quality of connecting and living. www.talkingwithdrtoy.com
Although trust is considered an anchor of interpersonal relationships, many individuals may struggle with trust issues. There are many causes of trust issues and understanding them is the first step to working through them. Subsequent steps are also needed to work through them. According to one article, such strategies include understanding risks and taking emotional risks and comprehending the manifestation of trust issues in individuals' lives. www.talkingwithdrtoy.com
Trust issues have been defined as uncertainty of who to trust, how to trust, and when to trust. Individuals develop trust issues due to some of their past experiences and as a result, these issues may adversely affect present and future relationships. Trust issues serve as protective strategies to keep individuals safe so the objective is not solely to dismantle them but to understand and manage them. Anticipating and assuming betrayal, loneliness, avoiding commitment, and being constantly on guard are a few signs of trust issues. www.talkingwithdrtoy.com
Trust issues have been defined as uncertainty of who to trust, how to trust, and when to trust. Trust is a foundational attribute that can either strengthen or derail a relationship. Many individuals have experienced betrayal, manipulation, and abandonment and as a result, trust has been compromised or simply eroded. How can individuals navigate the landscape of understanding their trust issues and navigating ways to cultivate trust. www.talkingwithdrtoy.com
I was speaking with someone and the person said the following, "I don't want anyone to know what I'm going through because I'm embarrassed that I allowed it to happen and I don't want anyone to see my scars." Although we may not utter these exact words, I do believe some of us relate to this experience. We are ashamed of the formation of scars resulting from living in a fallen world filled with imperfect and wounded people. Instead of feeling whole, we feel broken and fragmented wondering how we will be put back together again. Many of us experience what one writer coined as "uninvited brokenness." www.talkingwithdrtoy.com
July has been designated as BIPOC Mental Health Awareness month. The pervasiveness of racism and many other "isms" adversely affect the mental health of this group. Research shows that intergenerational and historical trauma, racial oppression leads to specific mental health needs. However, due to barriers such as health inequities, socio-economic disparities, stigma, and lack of cultural competency by some providers, they often do not receive the assistance needed to address and effectively manage such mental health issues.
The causes of stagnation are pervasive and the consequences may last for a long period of time. Stagnation has such consequences as cognitive and physical decline, discontent, and a lack of quality interpersonal relationships. The cost of stagnation may far outweigh the discomfort induced by change and trying something new. There are also some strategies to may assist in decreasing stagnation. www.talkingwithdrtoy.com
Stagnation has been defined as the "state of not flowing or moving, lack of activity, growth, and development as well as a situation in which something stays the same." Generativity vs. Stagnation is one of the stages in Erikson's theory of psychosocial development. This particular stage is connected to finding meaning and purpose in life which may cultivate contentment and gratitude or dissatisfaction and hopelessness. Stagnation has several causes and consequences. www.talkingwithdrtoy.com
"Those things we do not deal with will deal with us" is a statement I repeat to individuals engaging in avoidance strategies. Avoidance strategies may bring temporary relief but they also hinder many from learning effective coping strategies. Gradual exposure is one strategy used to confront fearful situations by allowing individuals to start at the least anxiety provoking situation towards the goal of overcoming the feared situation. Empowerment is cultivated by effectively managing situations instead of avoiding them. www.talkingwithdrtoy.com
Avoidance is a short-term coping strategy that induces a cycle of increasing anxiety symptoms rather than reducing them. It is normal to avoid uncomfortable thoughts, emotions, and sensations, but there is a cost. As someone stated, "Short-term gain, but long-term loss." There are certain strategies that inform the avoidance trap such as distraction, denial, projection, and safety behaviors such as withdrawing from people, places, and situations. These tools work which is why they are widely used, but they also serve as a double edge sword for long-term healing and restoration. www.talkingwithdrtoy.com
Happy Father's day to all those dads that are investing in the lives of their children and families. Today may be a day of joy and celebration for some as well as a day of sadness, anger, and grief for others. The God within Christianity is often referred to as Father and even Daddy "abba", however, this reference may also trigger a variety of emotions. Some may contrast and compare God with their earthly fathers, the good, the bad, and the ugly. God has many attributes and one to highlight is that He is relational. www.talkingwithdrtoy.com
Avoidance may be considered a main ingredient many individuals use when navigating some of life's difficult, uncomfortable, and painful moments. "It's normal to avoid or push away whatever feels intense or uncomfortable" (TherapistAid). Avoidance does offer some relief which is why many use it as a coping strategy. However, the relief is temporary and it often induces a string of events that may worsen depressive and anxiety symptoms. Let's talk about the Avoidance Trap. www.talkingwithdrtoy.com
A growth mindset has been defined as a belief that gifts, abilities, talents, and skills can be developed with work, practice, and perseverance. Individuals with a growth mindset view failures as opportunities instead of obstacles which can help them create and achieve goals as well as fulfillment. Psychologist, Carol Dweck, coined the term and determined that individuals with a growth mindset tend to be more motivated, determined, and resilient versus discouraged, despondent, and stagnant. www.talkingwithdrtoy.com
The psychological meaning of a deficit mindset is a type of thinking that focuses on negative self talk. persistent comparison to external standards and a sense of inadequacy. Deficit thinking can also lead to a fixed mindset that cultivates an attitude and belief system of limitations, impossibilities, and that nothing will change no matter the amount of effort. The deficit mindset may inform how individuals view people, themselves, and situations which eventually may lead to a sense of apathy, stagnation, and missed opportunities. www.talkingwithdrtoy.com
The past few series regarding imposter syndrome have addressed the what, the why, and the how. It is now time to begin the process of effectively managing imposter syndrome. Dr. Young states the first step entails honesty which can be a major hurdle to overcome. Honesty is vulnerable but necessary because ignorance and avoidance will not move individuals toward a process of effectively addressing the symptoms. It's difficult to treat something that is not identified so acknowledging it can be very empowering. www.talkingwithdrtoy.com
There are many facets involved in seeking to understand the origins of imposter syndrome. Dr. Young states the makings of imposter syndrome may entail family origins and dynamics, personality traits such as neuroticism, low-self efficacy, perfectionism, transitions and new beginnings, and social anxiety. These aspects may inform some core beliefs and values individuals may hold about themselves which fuels imposter syndrome. Shame may also be one of the main culprits that keep individuals from exploring and managing imposter syndrome. www.talkingwithdrtoy.com
According to Young, imposter syndrome may manifest in several ways such as agonizing over the smallest mistakes, self-doubt, constant self-criticism of one's own performance, and the constant fear of not living up to others or even one's own expectations. The weight and heaviness of this burden may induce symptoms of hypervigilance and a psychological toll on one's quality of life where life is reduced to living to work instead of working to live. www.talkingwithdrtoy.com
Imposter syndrome has been defined as the "psychological experience of feeling like a fake or phony" where individuals doubt their abilities, skill set, intellect, or creativity to achieve a certain level of success. "Approximately 70 percent of Americans experience these invasive and negative thoughts" which can induce symptoms of anxiety and even depression. Dr. Valerie Young identifies 5 types of imposter syndrome: Perfectionist, expert, natural genius, soloist, and super person. www.talkingwithdrtoy.com
Showing up authentically in places can be a daunting task especially while living in a culture that promotes comparisons, competition, and imitation. There's a message in the noise that conveys being oneself if not in alignment with society's, community's, and other's expectations; is unacceptable, a deficit, even a liability. Individuals may be encouraged to believe if they can't be everything to others; they are not anything to anyone. This induces wear and tear on individuals' psyche and self-perception. www.talkingwithdrtoy.com
Resurrection Day is one of the most significant observances within Christianity. One of the most profound anchors is the belief of a Risen Savior. A passage of scripture proclaims that the same resurrection power resides in believers, however at times, seasons of stagnation may seem like a drought. The droughts may last so long that eventually visions fade and dreams die. May this day be a reminder that those things that lie dormant are ripe for resurrections. www.talkingwithdrtoy.com
March is designated as Women's history month and it is with great gratitude and appreciation that I honor the women who have imparted so many treasures in my life. I believe many individuals have encountered the power and presence of women's contributions within their lives. Centering the voices and stories of women can be life giving and sustaining. As a society, it is essential to create safe spaces where these stories are cultivated, valued, and disseminated. www.talkingwithdrtoy.com
Even in 2024 with so much progress of discussing, explaining, and addressing mental health issues, stigma and lack of understanding remain especially among ethically and diverse populations. It is unfortunate that some populations more than others have the latitude and empathy to discuss and address mental health symptoms. Mental health diagnoses do not define individuals' identities but so many perceive their character is flawed and they are deficient which often induces embarrassment and shame. As a society, much work remains in eradicating this stigma so individuals are liberated to receive the assistance they deserve without feeling guilty or ashamed. www.talkingwithdrtoy.com
Matters of the heart most certainly include relationships. Community care is an important aspect of self-care and according to relational cultural theory--humans are wired for connection. Socially supportive relationships are good for the heart and overall physical health. However, challenges persist in individuals' capacity and ability to cultivate and nurture healthy relationships due to a number of reasons. Tune into the podcast via www.talkingwithdrtoy.com.
February is Heart Health Awareness Month. Matters of the heart entail the important task of taking care of your heart. The prevalence and disproportionate rates of cardiovascular disease among people of color, particular African Americans presents a tale of health disparities and social determinants of health. Social factors such as money, resources, living environment, and social networks are huge factors in shaping people's health. In fact, "Social factors put Black, Hispanic, and Tribal communities at a disadvantage." Individual and systemic changes are warranted. Tune into the podcast via www.talkingwithdrtoy.com
Black History Month represents an acknowledgement and celebration of culture and ethnic pride. However, when it comes to matters of the heart, colorism threatens and fragments aspects of identity, self-esteem, personality, and personhood especially for children. Mamie and Kenneth Clark's Black and White doll study provides evidence of internalized racism, shame, and self degradation at the tender age range of 3-7. We must be intentional about positively affirming, truth telling, and cultivating ethnic beauty and pride in our vulnerable children to counter the damaging narrative of erasure. Tune into the podcast via www.talkingwithdrtoy.com.
I received some unfortunate news regarding the recent death of a dear friend. It was unexpected and in my limited perspective, way too soon. Such deaths may bring one closer to their own mortality and existential questions loom regarding what is the meaning of life, does my life count or matter, and how am I showing up to others especially those whom I call friends? Although this is a new year, death continues to loom and we all must reckon with walking through the valley of the shadow of death. Life is indeed precious and if you haven't done so, please consider living, loving, laughing, and authentically connecting a bit more this year. For more information tune in www.talkingwithdrtoy.com
Masking emotions such as sadness and hurt, the constant need to stay busy, the appearance of having it all together and being outwardly strong while inwardly struggling to hold it together may indicate some signs of high functioning depression. The subtleties of these symptoms only serve to intensify the motivation for Sistahs to suffer in silence and perpetuate a never ending stream of strength to avoid any appearance of weakness. What's the cost of concealment versus crying for help? Tune into the podcast via www.talkingwithdrtoy.com
I was speaking with a Black woman regarding depression and she stated that she felt weak because she was depressed. She stated that she often buries, avoids the feelings, or tells herself that "you don't have time for this and you should be able to get through this and keep it moving without feeling depressed." My questions, what are the origins of this internal dialogue and how in the world do women of color identify sources of healthy and culturally relevant affirmation and validation without attempting to receive that from their oppressors? It is systemic, intersectional, structural, and complex and it is literally draining and compromising the holistic health of women of color. Our very lives depend on taking care of our well-being. Tune into the podcast via www.talkingwithdrtoy.com.
Happy New Year! A clean slate, a redo, a reset, and a new beginning are associated with a new year. Many were glad to be done with 2023 and are considering the unknowns of this new year. Although there may be little influence with the unknowns; opportunities await with making life giving and life sustaining choices. Self-care, community care, and self-awareness are concepts worth exploring and investing in this year. Remember, you are worth the investment which requires intentionality, time, and energy. Tune into the podcast via www.talkingwithdrtoy.com
Love and belonging are needs listed in Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs. Love and a sense of belonginess provide a sense of anchoring and connectedness that humanity desperately desires but simultaneously fears. Opening up to love and admitting a desire to belong is vulnerable and scary due to past hurts. Some may deny the need to belong or try to avoid experiencing love but it doesn't mean the need goes away. That heart space just remains starved and malnourished. A passage states that God is Love and that is good news. Tune into the podcast via www.talkingwithdrtoy.com
Core values are discovered which takes intentionality, reflection, and a nonjudgmental stance. Someone stated, "What you are doing equals to what you want in life." For some this statement holds some truth, for others it may create space for reflection because maybe what you're doing doesn't equal to what you truly want in life. Jeffery identifies several steps to discovering values which include: Discovery, activation, expression, prioritization, and self-care. Tune into the podcast via www.talkingwithdrtoy.com.
Value led living has been described as a means of being true to ourselves and a compass to making decisions that resonates with our beliefs. "Values aren’t selected; they’re discovered. We don’t choose our values. Our values reveal themselves to us." Values may inform our actions but it doesn't always mean our actions represent our values. According to Jeffrey's, sometimes we violate our values when they remain unknown therefore creating an inner tension that may induce incongruent and unhealthy behaviors. Tune into the podcast via www.talkingwithdrtoy.com.
Values have been defined as "an enduring belief upon which a person acts." Values have been described as "a compass that guides individuals toward their purpose whereby by connecting to and activating them daily induces nourishment, motivation, and fulfillment." How individuals invest their time may not be a true indicator of their authentic values so it begs the question. What are your values and are you living a value-led life? Tune into the podcast via www.talkingwithdrtoy.com.
Perfectionism, rejection, and invalidation may be the root causes of the emotional distress people experience. Invalidation induces invisibility as well as a sense of rejection. Validating other's emotions entails finding a kernel of truth in someone's emotions, perspectives, and experiences. Emotional validation is a core aspect of maintaining healthy relationships with others as well with self. Tune into the podcast for more information www.talkingwithdrtoy.com.
Perfectionism, rejection, and invalidation may be the root causes of the emotional distress people experience. Rejection sensitivity is literally painful in that "the brain responds to social pain in a way that is similar to the way that it responds to physical pain." Rejection sensitivity has been defined as "severe emotional sensitivity and emotional pain" induced by perceptions of rejection from others. The avoidance to experiencing rejection may severely impact individual's lives. Tune into the podcast via www.talkingwithdrtoy.com.
Perfectionism, rejection, and invalidation may be the root causes of the emotional distress people experience. Perfectionism gives the illusion of control and remains the culprit of much stress and anxiety. Perfectionism is a vicious cycle that is supported by unrealistic expectations, an unhealthy view of rejection, and riddled with rigidity. Eventually, it chips away at individual's self esteem, view of self, and the consumption leads to missed moments of contentment in present day living. Tune into the podcast via www.talkingwithdrtoy.com.
In my therapeutic work, what often lies beneath much of the emotional distress is the trio of perfectionism, rejection, and invalidation. The treat of the trio is that they seem to yield short term benefits, but the trick is the long term cost. The intersection of this troubling trio can softly kill the quality and quantity of life for many. Perfectionism may be considered as an illusion but it remains a reality for many, rejection literally causes pain, and invalidation cultivates the sense of invisibility and worthlessness. Tune into the podcast via www.talkingwithdrtoy.com.
Health and vitality are celebrated and a certain level of athleticism is even idolized in society. The media promotes an enriched lifestyle entails youth, strength, power, and able-bodied individuals. In reality, ageism, illness, and health issues are less highlighted and even buried as if these aspects disrupt the fantasy perpetuated by the media. These notions of health often develop into stigmas internalized by others who don't fit the media's portrayal. Unfortunately, this internalization often leads to shame and isolation. Tune into the podcast www.talkingwithdrtoy.com
October has been designated as Domestic Awareness Month. Similar to some sentiments of Halloween some individuals are living lives that resemble horror stories and lack safety within their own homes. Unfortunately, there remains so much stigma, shame, and embarrassment regarding domestic violence, that some literally take this secret to the grave. Startling statistics are evident that domestic violence is a common occurrence for some within this society and this requires not only awareness but intervention. Tune into the podcast via www.talkingwithdrtoy.com.
Community has been defined as, "A group of people who share a story that is so important to them that it defines an aspect of who they are. Those people build the shared story archetypes (characters) of that community into their sense of themselves; they build the history of those communities into their own personal history; and they see the world through the lens of those shared stories (Centre for Public Impact)." I really like this definition because it entails how community is integral to individuals' narratives and identities. Tune into the podcast via www.talkingwithdrtoy.com
Dr. Parham mentioned three powerful questions posed by Frantz Fanon regarding self-awareness and self-actualization. Who Am I, Am I Who I Say I Am; Am I All I Ought to Be? Sometimes life can become a tailspin where the goal is simply to survive. Pausing to even think about such questions may seem like a luxury that no one can afford. However, what are the consequences for the lack of self awareness and how may that affect one's life trajectory. Tune into the podcast via www.talkingwithdrtoy.com.
How are you and what have you done for self care this week? These are two questions I pose at the beginning of every podcast and to some it may signal checking off activities they've done to take care of their overall well-being. However, little time may be invested in really exploring aspects of the self and ways to connect with curious intentionality. Sometimes self-care may be defined as a prescription instead of a process of knowingness and connectedness with self. Tune into the podcast via www.talkingwithdrtoy.com.
According to Leech, there are certain tale tale signs that indicate whether individuals are establishing healthy interpersonal boundaries. Sometimes these signs are evident and at times they are very subtle to the point where the unhealthy patterns are persistent and chronic. Individuals may seem trapped in such relationships due to their own underlying and unaddressed issues. Tune into the podcast to learn some poignant questions to ask yourself and to identify "emotional hooks" that may keep you stuck and trapped. www.talkingwithdrtoy.com
Dawes & Holden (2017) assert, "There's no health without mental health." In order to raise awareness about the mental health issues affecting the BIPOC community, July has been observed as "National Minority Mental Health Awareness" month. Minoritized and marginalized individuals experience a number of challenges in addressing mental health issues such as: racism, discrimination, inadequate resources to access health care, well founded distrust of the medical system and cultural stigma. In lieu of such barriers, prioritization of our mental health is not a luxury we can't afford, it's a necessity. Tune into the podcast via www.talkingwithdrtoy.com
Have you ever asked the question, why there seems to be a pattern of attracting the same toxic people in your life? We must remember we are flawed human beings and therefore we all have issues. However, does a pattern persist in your life where there's a struggle in attracting and maintaining healthy, not perfect, relationships? Sometimes, it may appear that life giving and mutually satisfying relationships allude you so the question is why? Tune into the podcast via www.talkingwithdrtoy.com
Interpersonal boundaries have been defined as a "rules or limits we set for ourselves within relationships." Boundaries are not the same as walls but can provide aspects of protection especially within toxic relationships. Some struggle with implementing boundaries for various reasons such as low self-esteem, insecurity, fear of conflict, or in some cases fear of abandonment or neglect, etc. Some assume boundaries are antithetical to care and love, but on the contrary, implementing boundaries demonstrates a level of care, wellbeing, and love for self and others. Tune into the podcast via www.talkingwithdrtoy.com
Detoxification is not only good for the body, but it is also good for the mind. Sometimes we just need a good mental health cleanse to rejuvenate our holistic selves. However, we must make space and time to conduct an assessment of the things or individuals in our lives that breed toxicity. Once identified, the time to take action is now and it must start with self and migrate towards others. Tune into the podcast via www.talkingwithdrtoy.com
Happy Father's day to all of those who have stood in the gap to be present for their families. This day similar to Mother's day can trigger a variety of emotions from happiness, gratitude, and thankfulness to resentment, bitterness, anger, grief, and sadness. My hope is that you make room for all of it because those emotions provide important messages to your being. Despite some of the biased gendered stereotypes regarding men and mental health, please take care of your holistic selves. Just like unresolved woundedness can infect relational dynamics, healing and well-being can also positively affect those same relationships. Tune into the podcast via www.talkingwithdrtoy.com
Unlike physical abuse, the wounds and scars from emotional abuse are often not visible to the naked eye, but internally the pain is just as real and debilitating. Relationships whether personal or professional are some primary sources where emotional abuse takes place. Emotional abuse such as gas lighting, manipulation, unrelenting criticizing, shame, and embarrassment can be very detrimental to individuals' self esteem, mental health, and perception of their own reality. Emotional abuse has been defined as a consistent pattern of abusive words and bullying behaviors which can be very subtle. Tune into the podcast via www.talkingwithdrtoy.com.
"Let us lay aside or let go of every weight...that so easily entangles us and run with patience the race before us." At first glance we may think it is as simple as putting down the weights, however, the issue may be limited insight regarding the weights we bear. For example, you may be able to name people pleasing as the issue, but what about the core belief the lies beneath such as, "I'm unlovable or unworthy of love and care", therefore you utilize accomplishment as a shied for validation and acceptance. It may be time to identify what lies beneath to move towards liberation. Tune into the podcast via www.talkingwithdrtoy.com.
Mental health issues are a reality and nurturing and cultivating protective factors are very important in preventing and improving mental health issues/symptoms. Protective factors have been defined as something that prevents problems and influences that make it less likely for individuals to develop mental health issues. There are various types of protective factors such as: Biophysical, psychological, social, and spiritual. For more information tune into the podcast via www.talkingwithdrtoy.com.
Mental health issues are a reality and awareness and attending to risk factors are very important in improving mental health. Risk factors have been defined as anything that creates problems and make it more likely for the development of mental health issues. There are various types of risk factors such as: Biophysical, psychological, social, and spiritual. For more information tune into the podcast via www.talkingwithdrtoy.com.
So many emotions, thoughts, and memories emerge when acknowledging particulate dates on the calendar. Mother's Day represents one of those days whether it be joy, love, admiration, inspiration, grief, disappointment, hurt, rejection, betrayal, hate, unadulterated heartache and pain. Hallmark may provide some beautiful expressions but somehow, it doesn't quite capture the complexity of this day that many experience. Motherhood and relational dynamics are complicated and it's okay to acknowledge the good, the bad, and the ugly. Tune into the podcast via www.talkingwithdrtoy.com.
May is Mental Health Awareness month which makes for an opportune time to address mental health prevention. To solely utilize therapy when experiencing crises is underutilizing this service. Some view attending therapy similarly to going to the ER for a temporary fix to an issue. However, therapy may be used as a form of prevention where risk factors are reduced and protective factors are cultivated. Tune into the podcast via www.talkingwithdrtoy.com.
Connecting has been defined as "joining or linking things together, especially so as to provide access and communication." Some may struggle allowing others access to their authentic selves and erect walls instead of bridges. Disconnection may occur more often than connections leaving individuals feeling isolated, withdrawn, and alone. Disconnection may appear as the norm but it may breed further disruption and perpetual exile from self and others. Tune into the podcast via www.talkingwithdrtoy.com
A passage reads, What is your life? You are a vapor, that appears for a little time, and then vanishes away. Life appears so fragile at times especially when experiencing the death of loved ones. We often contemplate our own mortality in such moments and explore existential musings regarding the meaning of life and ponder what our lives may mean to others when we die. Don't allow anyone or anything to steal a moment of life from you because life is precious. So my question to you: How are you living? Tune into the podcast via www.talkingwithdrtoy.com.
There's a scripture verse that states, "There's a time for everything, and a season for every activity...A time to weep, a time to mourn, and a time of heal." There are just no words regarding the mass shooting that took place at the Covenant School in Nashville, TN. I'm extending my condolences and holding space for the precious lives affected by this tragedy. Many are struggling with cognitive dissonance and various emotions in the effort to return to some sense of normalcy when in this environment there's no anchoring definition for what normal is or what it will be from this point forward. Tune into the podcast via www.talkingwithdrtoy.com
Someone stated, "Imagine if we measured success by the amount of safety that people felt in our presence." I absolutely love this quote because safety is often one of those unspoken and hard to obtain core values. You may know it when you experience it and you absolutely react to it when you don't experience it. I believe many women desire to experience intrapersonal and interpersonal safety and I so appreciate those women who have cultivated that for me. I want to express gratitude for those who strive to be safe spaces for others. Thank you! Tune into the podcast via www.talkingwithdrtoy.com
"The most painful thing is losing yourself in the process of loving someone too much and forgetting that you are special too." Sometimes as women, we serve the role of being the super heroes in the lives of others while being the villain within our lives. The needs and wants of others often take priority while aspects within our lives become collateral damage. Why does this happen? Someone stated that it is out of necessity, cultural norms, and self-esteem issues. This process becomes the norm, to the point that anything contrary is viewed as deviant. Tune into the podcast via www.talkingwithdrtoy.com.
Women not only deserve to be celebrated but we also deserve to be supported. Sometimes women have to choose between wearing a cape versus exhibiting the need for a supportive shoulder. The article, "Black women are often pigeonholed as strong caregivers and providers who shoulder others' burdens and do not share their own" sheds light on the Strong Black Woman image/schema. Oftentimes, too many toxic sacrifices are made to sustain the image rather than the wellbeing of the individual. Tune into the podcast via www.talkingwithdrtoy.com for more information.
Black mental health matters is a rallying cry for identifying and dismantling the healthcare disparities that persists within the community. The lack of cultural competency, humility, relativity, gatekeeping within the profession, mistrust due to historic as well as present unethical and racists practices informed by implicit and explicit bias, and discriminatory systems are a few reasons why the health care system needs an overhaul. The mental health system must be willing to look into the proverbial mirror, accept the reality of the reflection, make amends, and make changes in order to provide trauma informed and therapeutic spaces of safety for African Americans. Tune into the podcast via www.talkingwithdrtoy.com.
Fannie Lou Hamer asked: "Ain't I A Woman?" and that question resounds today as many African Americans are still asking, "Ain't I human?" The objectification and dehumanization of African Americans is one aspect that lies beneath the systemic mental health disparities that persist in communities of color. Not being viewed as human but as objects/commodities did not end with slavery, but persists and informs some of the mental health practices and policies that displace African Americans at society's margins. As a result, our mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual health represents the collateral damage of a system driven by this insidious ideology. Tune into the podcast via www.talkingwithdrtoy.com.
The co-morbidity of mental health and substance use issues has increased within the African American community. According to the African American Behavioral Health Center for Excellence, "The rate of increase in drug overdose deaths in 2018 for African Americans exceeded other racial groups and compared to all other races, had the highest death rates attributed to synthetic opioids, represented by an increase of 818%." Sometimes unhealthy and even deadly coping strategies are utilized when managing mental health issues. Let's continue to talk about Black Mental Health matters, tune into the podcast via www.talkingwithdrtoy.com
Not only is Black History 365 days of the year; so is African Americans' mental health. The systemic health disparities regarding the state of mental health within the African American community is cause for pause, concern, and tangible action. No longer must we solely anchor in our resilience as a shield of protection from the targeted assaults on our lives. We must also acknowledge that arrows leave wounds and if unattended, those wounds not only infect and affect us, but our families, communities, and future generations. Let's talk about it for real! Tune into the podcast via www.talkingwithdrtoy.com.
I'm personally pausing from my regularly scheduled programmed life to acknowledge and experience the collective grief and outrage regarding the traumatic beating and murder of Tyre Nichols. I appreciate the powerful words of Dr. Thelma Bryant's, APA president, response to this horrific and brutal tragedy. I encourage you to view her response which is posted on Youtube: "How to Process the Killing of Tyre Nichols." We honor the life and legacy of Tyre Nichols and hold space for his entire family. Tune into the podcast via www.talkingwithdrtoy.com.
When was the last time you made time to sit with yourself? I know for some that question may seem targeted to those who appear to have the luxury of doing so. However, in getting to know you, it requires really taking a look at yourself and asking some crucial and insightful questions. I would encourage you to carve out just a little time to engage in a self interview that requires asking yourself some poignant questions that get to the heart of rediscovering aspects of your identity. Sharon Martin poses some powerful questions. Tune into the podcast via www.talkingwithdrtoy.com.
Getting to know you takes energy and time, however, so many neglect themselves. I hope this may be a season for you to invest in yourself because you are worth it. When I say invest, it includes nourishing your soul and cultivating aspects of curiosity regarding "being" instead of "doing". We're more than our actions and our achievements. My hope is that you take a moment to breath and explore aspects of yourself so that discovery becomes a goal for you this season. Tune into the podcast www.talkingwithdrtoy.com.
Aspects of our humanity and identity evolve over time due to experiences, time, etc. However, sometimes as a result of disconnection, trauma, etc. we may feel lost and have no clue of who we really are. It happens because life happens. So what do we enact in order to reconnect with ourselves and cultivate a sense of curiosity and exploration of self? Tune into the podcast via www.talkingwithdrtoy.com.
Well, Happy New Year!! The first day of the year may garner various emotions, some may experience excitement, anxiousness, or even be relieved that another year has arrived. Whatever, the emotion, my hope is the realization regarding the power of choice and connection that lies within this year for you. Some say, this is the year of choosing you, however, it will be difficult to make informed and healthy choices in the midst of disconnection. Tune into the podcast via www.talkingwithdrtoy.com.
Anne Cetas stated, "Much like a mom comforting her child, God bends down low to tenderly care for us in our pain." The humility and care of a God bending down low to comfort and extend us compassion, paints a beautiful but yet complex picture of God, because instead of comforting us, why won't God just take the pain away?" It may be beyond our finite minds to adequately answer this question. Perhaps the solace is not in what we believe God should do or how it should be done, but in the fact that whatever plight we are anchored in, we don't have to face it alone. His name is Emmanuel--God with us. Tune into the podcast via www.talkingwithdrtoy.com.
One of my mentors once told me that even the oak tree, one of the strongest trees, has a root system that anchors and sustains it. I've always remembered that and conveyed that to my clients because whether we accept it or not, we all need support. Social support has been defined as, "the physical and emotional comfort given to you by your family, friends, co-workers and others. It’s knowing that you are part of a community of people who love and care for you, value you and think well of you." Tune into the podcast via www.talkingwithdrtoy.com
Shouldn't I feel happy during this festive season? It depends, if that's what you truly feel. Sometimes we fall into this trap of requiring ourselves to feel what we think we should feel instead of authentically experiencing what we are actually feeling. Gulino expressed that allowing ourselves to experience the highs as well as the lows helps us to process and pass the emotion. The expectations we hold regarding our emotions may also be a blessing or a burden. Tune into the podcast via www.talkingwithdrtoy.com.
Brook Lane wrote an article entitled, "Managing Expectations During the Holiday Season." The article provides some insight into how expectations of ourselves and others contribute to the stress and burdensomeness experienced during the holiday season. She posed some powerful questions that are worth pausing to explore regarding the why, how, and ways we experience expectations during this season. Tune into the podcast via www.talkingwithdrtoy.com
The perpetuated picturesque view of the holiday season may seem contrary to some individuals' lived realities consumed by violence, the death of loved ones, economic struggle, and loneliness. We may fall into the trap of feeling pressured to choose one or the other instead of creating a path to simultaneously hold both. This path may require more emotional energy, but it also may produce more valuable lessons and reflective experiences to not only initiate individual healing but communal healing. Tune into the podcast www.talkingwithdrtoy.com
Stress is a key ingredient of prolonged survivor mode. We have the option to either manage stress or continue to allow stress to manage our lives. A vital anchor in stress management is self investment and internalization of one's worth and value instead of harsh judgment. After assessing the prevalence of stress in our lives, it's time to take the next step of taking action to effectively manage the stress. Tune into the podcast via www.talkingwithdrtoy.com.
Prolonged survival mode does not afford individuals the time nor the desire to assess their well-being. We may think that pausing to assess our well-being is a luxury we can't afford, but in reality, it is a necessity our holistic selves can't afford to negate. An awareness and assessment of our well-being may indicate how much stress is ruling and overtaking our lives. Tune into the podcast via www.talkingwithdrtoy.com.
Do you know when you're stressed? When was the last time you paused to assess your stress level and how it manifests in your body, mind, and behaviors? Many of us have lived with stress so long that its not only become a lifestyle but an identity. Be mindful that stress shows up differently for individuals and its important to be aware of how stress shows up and shows out in your system. Tune into the podcast via www.talkingwithdrtoy.com.
Stress has been defined by the American Institute of Stress as "A condition or feeling experienced when a person perceives that the demands exceed the personal and social resources the individual is able to mobilize." Stress has been deemed as the silent killer and according to various resources many diseases and illnesses are stress related such as diabetes, hypertension, strokes, etc., Although we've normalized living with prolonged stress, the effects on the body are unhealthy and not so silent. Tune into the podcast via www.talkingwithdrtoy.com.
Stress has been defined as "A feeling of emotional or physical strain or tension." Stress is inevitable and everyone experiences it. Our bodies are designed to manage small doses of stress but what happens when the stress becomes chronic? Our bodies were not designed to handle chronic stress which is why it can have damaging effects on our bodies. The way we respond to stress will determine the state of our well-being. Tune into the podcast via www.talkingwithdrtoy.com
We celebrate and honor survivors, especially those who have overcome many obstacles to say with boldness; "I'm Still Here." However, what happens when individuals remain in a perpetual state of survival and stress response mode? The body and the brain most certainly bear the impact and the outcomes may render them even more powerless. Tune into the podcast via www.talkingwithdrtoy.com.
We celebrate and honor survivors, especially those who have overcome many obstacles to say with boldness; "I'm Still Here." So many cannot say the same so it is something to be praised. However, what happens when you stay in a perpetual state of survival where your body remains in a stress response mode? Is it possible to transition from surviving to holistic thriving? Tune into the podcast via www.talkingwithdrtoy.com.
Just as ruptures within relationships are inevitable, repairs must be intentional. As someone stated, repairs are a process and not a performance. Attempting to repair too soon, may minimize the effects of the ruptures thereby inducing resentment. However, repairs that are intentional and thoughtful may set the stage for restoration and healing within valued relationships. Tune into the podcast via www.talkingwithdrtoy.com.
Have you or someone ever made this statement after a conflictual interaction? "It happen, no need to discuss it further, let's just move on." Yes, that can be the ultimate exit strategy out of a disagreement, etc., but it may also breed resentment and more shallow and unfulfilling interpersonal interactions. According to Braham, "When we engage rupture, it can help us to understand and change our patterns of being in relationship" and help us to move towards repair. Tune into the podcast via www.talkingwithdrtoy.com
According to Braham, ruptures within relationships occur when there is a "fracture to the normally positive experience of a relationship." Conflict, hurt, unmet expectations, arguments, and disagreements may induce these ruptures. Ruptures are inevitable especially since you're interacting with other flawed human beings. A relationship rupture often entails a breakdown in communication and a disruption of a relational connection. Tune into the podcast via www.talkingwithdrtoy.com.
Thomas Parham stated people of color should be cautious where they seek validation because seeking validation from the oppressor may lead to disaffirming and dehumanizing interactions. The invisibility syndrome may leave individuals with unmet needs which can lead to disconnection from others as well as themselves. There are strategies to work through this process of being seen and heard in ways that are affirming and validating. Tune into the podcast via www.talkingwithdrtoy.com.
Invisibility has been deemed as a super power that people employ as a protective mechanism. The goal is to themselves safe from hurt, woundedness, and rejection. Some individuals actually feel empowered by implementing this strategy because it may be the only thing in their lives where there's a semblance of control. "Learned Invisibility" is a survival response especially in the face of abuse, neglect, and abandonment. Why is there a fear of being known and what are the costs of remaining unseen and unheard? Tune into the podcast via www.talkingwithdrtoy.com.
Dr. Anderson Franklin constructed the term "Invisibility syndrome" and defined it as "the feeling people get when their abilities, personality, and worth are disregarded because of others' prejudice." Experiences of invisibility can adversely affect one's mental, emotional, and physical well-being. At the core of this experience is the desire to be known, loved, cared for, valued, affirmed, and deemed worthy by oneself as well as "important others" according to Gregg Henriques. Tune into the podcast via www.talkingwithdrtoy.com.
The pain and promise of invisibility is a lived experience for many especially among marginalized groups. Invisibility promises to keep one safe, but it also produces pain and a sense of powerlessness. Ralph Ellison (1952), stated "I am a man of substance, of flesh and bone...I am invisible, understand, simply because people refuse to see me...They see only my surroundings, themselves, or figments of their imagination--indeed, everything and anything except me." Tune into the podcast via www.talkingwithdrtoy.com.
The trauma and grief induced by the recent tragedies can be so overwhelming that there appears to be no respite for the pain, despair, helplessness, and hopelessness. Taking a pause which requires stillness and reflection may allow one to connect with a few moments of goodness that brings a sense of gratitude to the soul. The gratitude may serve as a filling of the soul which can become so drained and malnourished in a troubling world. Gratitude is more than an attitude, it can be an emotion and a disposition where feelings of kindness and warmth are induced. Please remember, there's room to hold space for the grief and the gratitude. Tune into the podcast via www.talkingwithdrtoy.com
The past and recent mass shootings in Brooklyn, NY and Laguna Hills, CA once again bring into sharp focus the rise of hate crimes in the US against marginalized groups. The following headline read: "We do not feel safe": Many Black Americans experiencing grief and trauma. One person noted: "Its hard to heal a wound that is continuously reopened...and the scars are deep." Yes, some of us are exhausted, numb, and want to retreat, however this concept of collective caring and grief requires our attention and connection. Tune into the podcast via www.talkingwithdrtoy.com.
The world in which we live ascribes value to work ethic and stigma to play. We are often bombarded with extreme images of play that seem dangerous and irresponsible with a hit of laziness. Play is relegated for children and work is viewed as the epitome of "adulting." With such a contrast, it's no wonder that individuals often feel an enormous amount of guilt when partaking in play. However, play is not just for children, it is a necessary ingredient to experiencing some form of liberation in an oppressive world. Tune into the podcast via www.talkingwithdrtoy.com.
Taking a pause for what may arise includes days like today--Mother's Day. Yes, for some it may be filled with wonderful memories and moments worth celebrating, but for others it may be very triggering where it becomes a day wrought with uncertainty, confusion, pain, and woundedness. Someone stated, "If you have a mother, you have a mother wound." How does one find space/safety in exploring and experiencing those emotions that may run contrary to a larger societal narrative? Tune into the podcast via www.talkingwithdrtoy.com
Pausing can be life-giving and life-sustaining. An avid listener of the podcast constructed this beautiful acronym of P-A-U-S-E (Ponder your thoughts, Attune to your needs; Unburden yourself; Sooth your soul; and Embrace the beauty of a break. I believe this captures the essence of pausing. Also, Hunt and Divine coined the term, "Pause competency" that includes four components: Pace, Space, Openness, and Connectedness. For more, tune into the podcast via www.talkingwithdrtoy.com.
I was speaking with a 92-year-old woman who by the way was vulnerable enough to ask me to come and sit with her for awhile. My grandmother raised me so no way was I going to decline this request, but I was anxious because the task master in me was saying, but you had plans... During this conversation, she said with an exasperated voice, "the world is moving too fast." I agreed, but my life reflected that same "hustle and bustle" that seemed to discourage her. I took several moments to ponder about the rarity of taking pauses for reflection and rejuvenation. Tune into the podcast via www.talkingwithdrtoy.com
Black history month is a time to celebrate and acknowledge the contributions African Americans have made and continue to make in this nation. James Baldwin stated, "People are trapped in history, and history is trapped in them." He also stated, History is not the past. It is the present." The field of psychology has a history that continues to influence the present which is why it is important to acknowledge the contributions of the Association of Black Psychologists. Tune into the podcast via www.talkingwithdrtoy.com.
Black history month is a time to celebrate and acknowledge the contributions African Americans have made and continue to make in this nation. James Baldwin stated, "People are trapped in history, and history is trapped in them." He also stated, History is not the past. It is the present." The field of psychology has a history that continues to influence the present which is why it is important to acknowledge the contributions of African American men and women who utilized their intelligence and talents to forge a path for the equality and humanity of marginalized people. Drs. Inez Beverly, Robert Williams III, and Joseph White are such individuals.
Black history month is a time to celebrate and acknowledge the contributions African Americans have made and continue to make in this nation. James Baldwin stated, "People are trapped in history, and history is trapped in them." He also stated, History is not the past. It is the present." The field of psychology has a history that continues to influence the present which is why it is important to acknowledge the contributions of African American men and women who utilized their intelligence and talents to forged a path for the equality and humanity of marginalized people. Drs. Kenneth and Mamie Clark are two such individuals. Tune into the podcast via www.talkingwithdrtoy.com.
Tina Turner asked a very powerful question: What's Love Got to with it? The answer, everything! Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. spoke of the Beloved Community and Radical love as a path of healing from a world wracked with pain. According to Maslow's hierarchy of needs, love is just above safety as a foundational aspect of our need as humans trying to be and live in this world. So if it is so important, why are we ashamed of admitting that we need and desire love? Tune into the podcast via www.talkingwithdrtoy.com.
The pandemic has definitely altered our sense of normalcy and has induced a great amount of grief and loss. Some of us are unaware of how these aspects are acting upon us because we may be in survival mode. In taking some time to be still, there may be an acknowledgement that the coping skills previously used pre-pandemic are not working quite well in this space. A podcast, a book, etc., may not be enough to resolve our issues and they are no substitute for individual therapy. It may be time to acknowledge without shame, that we need more assistance. Tune into the podcast via www.talkingwithdrtoy.com
I want to pay homage and celebrate the Life and Legacy of the late Dr. Rev. Martin Luther King Jr. Thank you and all the past and present soldiers who continue to fight for civil rights and racial equality. One of the most consistent issues I've encountered as a counselor is the shame some clients experience when attending therapy. I commend them for their courage because many have the obstacles of stigmatization, etc., to overcome before even making the call. Why is there shame admitting that I'm not okay and I don't know what to do in order to be okay? Tune into the podcast via www.talkingwithdrtoy.com.
The process of restoration has it risks and rewards, however the risks may deter one from exploring the rewards. Restoration entails a process of renewing and reviving and only you can determine what that looks like for your life. Some of us may have prematurely buried aspects of our purpose, hopes, and dreams and left them for dead, however, upon re-examination, can these aspects live? Even in times like these, there remains an opportunity to embark upon a journey of restoration. Tune into the podcast via www.talkingwithdrtoy.com.
The new year is approaching and some may be unsure of what to feel or think. Some may be wondering whether expectations are in order or whether to give up and brace for whatever is to come. Approaching a new year, especially during these times can be fraught with much trepidation. Individuals may question whether they should be intentional or just totally surrender to what life brings their way. Is restoration on your agenda for the new year? Restoration consists of both intentionality and surrender. Tune into the podcast via www.talkingwithdrtoy.com.
Many are familiar with the phrase 'tis the season to be jolly'! However, for some, navigating the holiday season may be anything but jolly. This season may be filled with profound aspects of grief, loss, sadness, anxiety, guilt, shame, and loneliness. The holidays may induce a complexity of emotions. The tendency may be to run, distract, avoid, and mask as if all is well because that may be what others expect during this time of the year. I'm inviting you to explore and process what 'tis the season', this present moment, means for you. Tune into the podcast via www.talkingwithdrtoy.com
Victimization is more than a mentality, for some, it has become a state of being and how they show up in the world. There must be a realization that individuals who have been victimized have a trauma narrative that has been etched into their innermost being. To begin or even see a path forward, the journey that brought them to this place must be empathically explored and validated. However, to move towards a path of healing, individuals must be willing to take the risk of navigating and emerging from this narrative. Experiencing discomfort is a step worth taking to not only becoming a survivor of victimization but also an overcomer! Tune into the podcast via www.talkingwithdrtoy.com
Victim mentality has come to be so stigmatized that it is often used to minimize and shame individuals' traumatic life experiences. Some prefer not to even use the word victim because the connotation is synonymous with weakness. In fact, some even deny that they were ever a victim and attempt to bypass such aspects of their life as if the past is nonexistence. Some are so entrenched in the past/present of victimization that they do not know or afraid to come to a realization of a path forward. Some have learned to adapt to victimization because it has become a cornerstone of their identity. In other words, they are comfortable but miserable! Tune into the podcast via www.talkingwithdrtoy.com
Self Preservation has been defined as "The protection of oneself from harm or death, especially regarded as a basic instinct in human beings and animals." While self preservation is a protective mechanism utilized to protect, it can also simultaneously imprison individuals. Self preservation is often enacted when individuals have experienced trauma and it is utilized as an attempt to control one's world. It becomes an adaptive coping skill for functioning. However, it may also serve maladaptive purposes that may prevent one from truly living and even thriving. Tune into the podcast via www.talkingwithdrtoy.com
Time waits for no one. We even ask the question, "where did the time go?" Towards the beginning of the year, we think time is on our side to work towards our goals and to improve some areas of our lives. However, one day we look up and discover that it's the eight month of the year and time has flown by. Another important question to ask is where are we in relation to the goals, plans, dreams, and the visions we imagined for ourselves? It may be a good time to pause and reflect on this question. Tune into the podcast www.talkingwithdrtoy.com.
The decision making process can induce so much anxiety that individuals either experience procrastination or paralysis. The fear of making the wrong decision may stop people from making any decision which may produce unintended consequences. Sometimes the process entails gathering information and facts to ensure the decisions are well informed; however, some may forsake the faith factor. Where or when does faith factor within the decision making process? Tune into the podcast via www.talkingwithdrtoy.com.
A portion of Talking With Dr. Toy's mission statement is to provide a holistic approach to emotional healing. Although some individuals desire the outcome of healing, it's the process that deter them from doing the work. Some may employ protective strategies of avoidance, denial, or even resignation that their current predicament is terminal so they forsake the process. Healing entails a process of exposure, vulnerability, perseverance, courage, as well as community. Tune into the podcast via www.talkingwithdrtoy.com.
I was invited to read the poem "The Guest House" by Jalaluddin Rumi and I encourage you to read it at your leisure. The premise of the poem is to invite instead of resist our emotions. We often try to suppress, deny, and resist those emotions that may be uncomfortable for fear they will be overwhelming or impair our functioning. Emotions that are buried alive may re-emerge during inopportune times. Have you ever wondered, what may happen if you invite and even welcome these emotions? Tune into the podcast via www.talkingwithdrtoy.com
One portion of the mission statement for Talking With Dr. Toy is to provide a holistic approach to those who desire to improve their quality of life. There may be a negative assumption regarding the reasons some people do not desire to change. However, there may be various reasons for extinguishing that desire. Some may be fearful of further pain, disappointment and discouragement so they give up the notion of improving their life. What is known has become the norm and the fear of the unknown paralyzes them so they remain stuck or just give up. For an alternative narrative tune into the podcast via www.talkingwithdrtoy.com.
Happy Father's day may mean different things to people, for some it's an opportunity demonstrate their gratitude for all the things their father has done throughout their lifetime. For some, it's a day to remember and yes even grieve the absence of their fathers. Finally for some, it brings forth emotions that have remained buried because of the pain of growing up without a father. Psalm 68:5 proclaims that He is a "Father to the Fatherless". Whatever your situation, I hope you can anchor in this truth that you have a heavenly Father that simply adores and unconditionally loves you. Tune into www.talkingwithdrtoy.com
The usage of Post-Pandemic may be a bit premature since the effects and its impact are not past, but are very present. Living through a pandemic has been and continues to be a traumatic experience for many especially concerning this aspect of loneliness. Individuals can experience loneliness even in the midst of a crowd of people. They feel others do not care about them, their voice is not welcomed, or what they offer in relationships is not reciprocated. Some are even ashamed to admit they are lonely. Loneliness--It is okay to say it and seek connection. Tune in via www.talkingwithdrtoy.com.
Some individuals are using this word--"Post Pandemic" to describe a world where the deadly effects of Covid-19 are a thing of the past. However, usage of this word may be a bit premature since its effects and impact are not past, but are very present. In fact, because it continues to be experienced in the present, the transition to living in a post-pandemic world can be quite jarring. Living through a pandemic has been and continues to be a traumatic experience for many. It's not easy to shift or turn those emotions off just because the world is opening up a bit more. There will be mental and emotional adjustments so let's talk about it! Tune into www.talkingwithdrtoy.com.
Just like the Mind and Body Connection is real so are the health disparities among people of color. The statistics are astounding regarding the diagnosis and management of chronic diseases such as Hypertension, etc. in comparison to other ethnic groups. It is important to inform, educate, and implement viable solutions to providing holistic health care. Lenore Gilbert (Coach Le Le), Certified personal trainer, nutritionist, and transformation coach joined the show today to discuss strategies for including nutrition along with physical movement to improve overall health. Tune into the podcast via www.talkingwithdrtoy.com.
Just like the Mind and Body Connection is real so are the health disparities among men of color. The statistics are astounding regarding the diagnosis and management of chronic diseases such as Hypertension, etc. in comparison to other ethnic groups. It is important to inform, educate, and implement viable solutions to providing holistic health care to men of color. Dr. Victor Ukwu, Primary Care Physician joined the show today to discuss these health disparities and ways to assist this population in improving their overall health. Tune into the podcast via www.talkingwithdrtoy.com.
Just like the Mind and Body Connection is real so are the health disparities among women of color. The statistics are astounding regarding the diagnosis and management of chronic diseases such as Hypertension, etc. among this group in comparison to other ethnic groups. It is important to inform, educate, and provide viable solutions to improve the overall health of women of color. Dr. Kendra Hayslett, OBGYN, joined the show today to discuss these health disparities and ways to assist this population in improving their overall health. Tune into the podcast via www.talkingwithdrtoy.com.
The Mind and Body Connection is not a just a theory, it's a reality! Even more so the connection of the Brain and Gut. Research supports that the gastrointestinal tract is sensitive to emotions which include but not limited to anxiety, stress, and depression. Have you ever experienced digestive problems with no physical explanation? It could possibly be related to psychosocial factors and ways you cope with emotions. Research indicates that in some cases therapeutic interventions can improve digestive issues more effectively than medical treatment (Harvard Health). Tune into the podcast via www.talkingwithdrtoy.com
The Mind and Body Connection is not a just a theory anymore is the title of a research article explaining research that empirically supports such a connection. The mind and the body are intertwined in that our biology impacts our emotions and mood which in turn influence our physical health. This connection has received so much attention that the medical community is now utilizing behavioral health and mental health professionals in their practices. Learn more about this connection by tuning into the podcast via www.talkingwithdrtoy.com.
The verdict of guilty on all accounts for Derek Chauvin for the murder of George Floyd may have been interpreted as a step towards justice, however, with so many acts of violence and excessive and deadly abuses of power against people of color, it may appear only as a drop in a bucket of more work to be done in the name of justice. The season of Spring is symbolic of an awakening, a new dawning, rejuvenation, and growth, however a lot of rain and storms also take place during this season. How do individuals navigate this season to adopt new ways of being and doing to bring about change in the midst of the storms to make this a better place for all? Tune into the podcast via www.talkingwithdrtoy.com.
Ecclesiastes 3 exclaims that there is a time for everything. This current season in light of the national tragedies of gun violence, loss of life, and the trauma of vicariously witnessing unarmed African American men and children lose their lives as a result of excessive force is a time to mourn. It appears 2021 is on course to becoming a repeat of 2020 and we're left wondering why and what can we do? We may never have the answers, but we must acknowledge that the tragedies grieve the very core of our souls and it is a time to mourn. Tune into the podcast via www.talkingwithdrtoy.com.
It appears in some parts of the country that Spring has sprung. So many of are grateful for the sunshine and warmth. The flowers are in full bloom and all seems a bit brighter, however, just as we embrace the seasons of the weather, what about accepting the various seasons of our lives? Sometimes, our lives can seem as harsh as a winter season or as heated as a hot summer's day. At times it may also appear like Fall when things begin to fall away. How do we navigate these seasons of our lives? Ecclesiastes 3 exclaims that there is a time for everything. Tune into the podcast via www.talkingwithdrtoy.com
Easter/Resurrection Sunday is one of those times of the year that warrant some reflection and a recounting of the reason for the season. The Resurrection has significance not only as a historical event, but as one that has implications for how individuals live in this present day. God's love serves as the anchor for the resurrection which may also serve as the anchor for aspects of your life that need to be resurrected and restored. Tune into the podcast via www.talkingwithdrtoy.com
March has been designated as Women's History Month. In the final installment of the What if series, I address the question of what if the answers to all these questions reside in you! So many times we assume a posture of helplessness and powerlessness, and although we cannot control all the variables in our lives, there is this concept of internal locus of control. ILC is defined as the belief that individuals have control over events that influence their lives. What if your value was determined by YOU, what if YOU determined that vulnerability is a strength, and what if YOU valued your difference as an asset? Tune into the podcast via www.talkingwithdrtoy.com
March has been designated as Women's History Month and in an effort to acknowledge and celebrate womanhood; I'm introducing this new series entitled: What if... We all to some degree have voiced a similar sentiment of envisioning a different vision or future for ourselves starting with, What If. What If...can be used as a way to reconcile the present reality with what might have been. Here's a question: What if Differences were viewed as Assets Instead of Deficits? Would racism, sexism, bullying, white supremacy, and peer pressure cease to exist? Tune into the podcast via www.talkingwithdrtoy.com I do not own the rights to this music
March has been designated as Women's History Month and in an effort to acknowledge and celebrate womanhood; I'm introducing this new series entitled: What if... We all to some degree have voiced a similar sentiment of envisioning a different vision or future for ourselves starting with, What If. What If...can be used as a way to reconcile the present reality with what might have been. Here's a question: What if your value was determined by your identity instead of what you do or your achievements? How would that inform the ways you see yourself and the ways you see others? Tune into the podcast via www.talkingwithdrtoy.com
March has been designated as Women's History Month and in an effort to acknowledge and celebrate womanhood; I'm introducing this new series entitled: What if... We all to some degree have voiced a similar sentiment of envisioning a different vision or future for ourselves starting with, What If. What If...can be used as a way to reconcile the present reality with what might have been. Here's a question: What if vulnerability was synonymous with strength instead of weakness? How would that inform the ways you show up for yourself and show up for others? Tune into the podcast via www.talkingwithdrtoy.com
It's not new that music has therapeutic qualities especially music that represents and speaks to certain times in history. Hymns, Spirituals, and Gospel Music represent genres of music that have propelled people to hope and to persevere despite the current state of affairs. We Shall Overcome represents one such song that is prophetic and expresses aspects of a collective hope and faith for a better tomorrow while facing a current reality that calls for resiliency and fortitude. Tune into the podcast via www.talkingwithdrtoy.com for this special Black History Edition of Talking With Dr. Toy.
It's not new that music has therapeutic qualities especially music that represents and speaks to certain times in history. Hymns, Spirituals, and Gospel Music represent genres of music that have propelled people to hope and to persevere despite the current state of affairs. Ain't Gonna Let Nobody Turn Me Around represents one such song that expresses sentiments of resilience and perseverance in the midst of adversity, tragedy, and trauma. Tune into the podcast via www.talkingwithdrtoy.com for this special Black History Edition of Talking With Dr. Toy.
It's not new that music has therapeutic qualities especially music that represents and speaks to certain times in history. Hymns, Spirituals, and Gospel Music represents genres of music that have propelled people to hope and to persevere despite the current state of affairs. Lift Every Voice and Sing represents one such song that expresses sentiments of such renewed hope and strength. Tune into the podcast via www.talkingwithdrtoy.com for this special Black History Edition of Talking With Dr. Toy.
Adversity can be fertile ground for cultivating hope. Adversity is defined as the experience of difficulties and misfortune. When adversity occurs in our lives we may create our own narrative as a way to understand and explained what has happened. However, we may create false narratives that cultivate hopelessness instead of hope and that induces aspects of worthlessness, resentment, and bitterness. Tune into the podcast to learn ways to cultivate hope in the midst of adversity via www.talkingwithdrtoy.com
Hope is the expectation for something good but that hope remains an ideal if intentionality and action are not apart of the process. Self-care has been defined as taking action to improve and protect one's well-being and happiness. Community care according to Nakita Valero is defined as individuals "committed to leveraging their privilege to be there for one another in various ways.” It entails a process of collective caring and support for one another which is definitely needed in times like these. Both are needed to build and maintain a balanced and harmonious quality of life. Tune into the podcast via www.talkingwithdrtoy.com.
Well, we're not into a full week of 2021 and already it may appear that 2021 is looking like a repeat of 2020. Before you throw in the Hope towel and begin preparing yourself for the worst. No one stated that hope would come easy. No a hope that sustains is a hope that perseveres despite the happenings. A passage reads like this, that we glory in our sufferings because it produces perseverance, perseverance character, and character, hope and hope does not make us ashamed. Listen, this season calls for a hope that is not deterred. Tune into the podcast via www.talkingwithdrtoy.com
Goodbye and So Long 2020!!! Hello 2021, but with some reservations. Yes although many may be glad that 2020 is outta here, many are apprehensive, fearful, or even dreading what 2021 has in store. Some remember they approached 2020 with so much anticipation and excitement but were disappointed. They have vowed not to repeat that same error in judgment so they enter the new year fearful to hope or to make any positive declarations. Please do not be afraid to hope--The Expectation of Something Good. Tune into the podcast via www.talkingwithdrtoy.com.
As the year of 2020 comes to an end and a new year is on the horizon, it may be beneficial to engage in a review as well as some reflection. Because this year has been filled with many unexpected twists, turns, and tragedies, many are happy to see it go. However, not so fast, there have been some valuable lessons learned this year and only you know what they are from your own perspective. I encourage you to take sometime to sit still and reflect; you may find some golden nuggets that remain with you a lifetime. I share a review of the topics I addressed throughout this year that mirror in ways the various experiences we have encountered and I also share a few lessons I learned. Tune into the podcast via www.talkingwithdrtoy.com.
Navigating this holiday season during a pandemic will certainly be challenging and some may even experience disappointment. Traditions and rituals will have to be modified or even cancelled and it can be disheartening. Some may be stressed because economically they can't afford the gifts they purchased last year and may feel bad about themselves. There are some strategies in navigating this season and please show goodwill by protecting yourself and others. Tune into the podcast via www.talkingwithdrtoy.com.
The process of reconciliation has been defined as a completion and wholeness with God, others, and with creation. With that said, it is no wonder that relationships take work. The questions to asked is whether the relationship is worth the work and are you willing to do your own work that aids in the process of reconciling? The process includes not only an inward reflection but one that turns towards the other person(s) in the spirit of collaboration and mutual value and respect. Remember, it takes at least two to reconcile as well as taking the necessary steps to cultivate a space for reconciliation to occur. Tune into the podcast via www.talkingwithdrtoy.com
Relationships a Gift? The year of 2020 has been a year that has tested some of our relationships. Some relationships have been exposed as toxic and some of us have been wounded by unmet expectations. Please do not give up on relationship, they are a life line to our growth and although they can be sources of pain, they can also be sources of healing. Reconciliation is possible where there's intentionality. Tune into the podcast via www.talkingwithdrtoy.com
Thanksgiving may look a bit different this year and so much so I am noticing that people are going straight to Christmas in hopes of good tidings and cheer. It may be a reason for that because some may be struggling with reasons to be thankful or grateful. Whether you are experiencing grief and loss, financial struggles, issues of loneliness, disappointment, or just exhaustion you too may wonder what is there to be thankful or grateful for? Listen, explore those feelings because they are very real but I would also encourage to you think about this aspect of gratitude that has been defined as "gifts outweighing an exchange". Tune into via www.talkingwithdrtoy.com.
With the election of Kamala Harris to the second highest office in this nation and the strength of Black women going to the polls and voting, a lot has been said about African American women. They have been called the Backbone of this Democracy, the Backbone of the Black church, as well as the activists and nurturers of our communities and our families. However, with all the praise and accolades there remain tragedies and threats with this demographic group. Kimberlè Crenshaw coined the terminology intersectionality that "describes the intersection of political and social identities such as race and gender that create overlapping and interdependent systems of discrimination or disadvantage." Tune into the podcast via www.talkingwithdrtoy.com
Election 2020 is definitely one for the history books. The election with the most votes of any election in the history of this nation, the first African American Indian and Asian woman to be elected as Vice-President, and a nation that is undeniably ideologically divided. If your candidate won or loss, one thing that is evident is that this nation is at a cross roads because the past sins are not so much in the past, they are presently here, and will be in here in the future if the nation stays on this trajectory. Pastor Wesley explains the revelation of this election includes 3 things: The Denial of Racism, The Objectification and Devaluing of humanity, and Prevalent Violence in order words: THIS IS US! How do we begin the process of healing? Tune into the podcast via www.talkingwithdrtoy.com.
Well, it's almost here, the day that some have waited for what seems like an eternity--Election Day 2020! Yep, it comes down to election night and some are standing on tiptoes of anticipation and others are struggling with symptoms of anxiety and excessive worry. Who will win? What's going to happen? What's not going to happen? Finally, will we be okay? The lack of certainty may grip one's soul or even one's sanity. There's a biblical passage that reads, "He kept right on going because he kept his eyes on the One who is invisible!" Hebrews 11:27. My Encouragement to you is to be mindful of the One Who Is Invisible and allow that to be your anchor. Tune into the podcast via www.talkingwithdrtoy.com
Discouragement has been defined as a lost of confidence, lack of enthusiasm, being disheartened and dispirited. Discouragement can place one's life in neutral where dreams and visions are discounted and dismissed. Encouragement assists in igniting or even re-igniting the passion and motivation need to jump start those goals and dreams snuffed out by discouragement. There is life giving and sustaining power in receiving and giving a word of encouragement. The answer to discouragement is encouragement. I encourage you to tune into the podcast via www.talkingwithdrtoy.com. I look forward to connecting with you. Dr. Toy.
May I ask a question? When was the last time you admitted you needed to be encouraged? Sometimes we have a tendency due to prior negative experiences, fear of rejection, and pride not to disclose our needs or our desires. There may be this perception that others should know what we need and so we wait, wait, and wait becoming more discouraged because of unmet needs. Connection and vulnerability are two important aspect of receiving and giving encouragement. Tune into the podcast via www.talkingwithdrtoy.com. I look forward to connecting with you.
May I ask you two questions: When was the last time you received encouragement from someone? When was the last time you encouraged someone else? I've heard from so many people that it feels like they are living on autopilot. It does not take much for individuals to be inundated with negative news and images which can be overwhelming and discouraging. It is imperative to nourish your entire being and giving and receiving encouragement is a great step to this process. Encouragement has been defined as something that makes someone more determined, hopeful, or confident. My how we need this in times like these. Tune into the podcast via www.talkingwithdrtoy.com to learn about the power of encouragement.
The shadow parts that reside in us perform a purpose and usually that entails growth and maturation. This often takes place within the context of our interpersonal relationships which is why it is important to connect with others. Our connection with others often bring these shadow parts to the surface because with intimacy comes exposure. Some often shrink from exposure, but with it comes a form of liberty that makes the discomfort worth it. Instead of running from it, be intentional, invite and embrace it because the experience will bring more integration and a sense of wholeness to you. Tune into the podcast via www.talkingwithdrtoy.com. I look forward to connecting with you. Dr. Toy
Taking a moment to pause from the politics and to make it a bit more personal; my heart is heavy. I've noticed some very harsh language and gestures that we are using towards one another and it has grieved my soul. The only way we can engage in such behavior and language is that we cease to see the humanity of others. Whatever your ideology or politics; when you treat people less than human then you become less human. It's a sad commentary that it becomes an Us versus Them mentality and we sit and anchor in this space as if it is okay. I am hoping for better from ourselves and from this nation. Tune into the podcast via www.talkingwithdrtoy.com.
There may a reason why these parts are called shadow/dark parts of our humanity because some would prefer to keep them in those dark places. However, if you have the capacity to be aware of them, accept them, then it's time to identify them. Show Me Those Parts! Yes, it can be scary to extend such an invitation, but it does place you in a position for full integration and less fragmentation within your life. What are some ways to identify these parts: 1. Experiences With others; 2. The Bible or Moral/Spiritual Teaching Of Your Preference; and Relationship with God and/or Higher Power. There maybe some other ways, but this may be a good start. Tune into the podcast via www.talkingwithdrtoy.com I look forward to connecting with you.
Those shadow parts that reside in us have a purpose and unless we embrace the aspect that we have them, we may never realize the potential of those parts. The purpose of these shadow parts assist in bringing us into a greater awareness of ourselves. Some may express why is an awareness of these parts purposeful and even necessary? The parts remind us of the frailty and fallibility of our humanity. These parts serve as a reminder that there's a need for someone or something that is greater than ourselves to assist us in navigating life's terrain. There must be a leaning on and leaning into this Power that will assist us from damaging others as well as becoming self-destructive. Tune into the podcast via www.talkingwithdrtoy.com.
The year of 2020 has certainly been a year of 20/20 vision in that we have seen things more clearly than we have ever seen them before. This time has and continues to be a painful awakening of some realities. Pain and pressure have a way of bringing out things in us that we may have not imaged took up residence in our lives. It is with reason that domestic violence, conflict, division, racist rhetoric and behavior have intensified. We are seeing things in our friends that have disappointed us which has ended some relationships we thought were rock solid. However, if we are honest, there are somethings that have risen to the surface within us. These parts have been referred to as our shadow parts. Those parts we do not want to admit are within us. Learn more about these parts or the Judas within via www.talkingwithdrtoy.com.
What's going on is a powerful question that takes some serious reflection and introspection. We may see with our eyes, but what are we experiencing in our minds, bodies, and our Spirit? Sometimes, sitting in such a moment can be terrifying and so we just vow to keep it moving without thinking about the impact in our lives or those around us. I reunited with the Sistahs from "Sistah Speak" to discuss their perspective (Nancy Childress-Hardy and Chantea Kirkwood). Tune into podcast via www.talkingwithdrtoy.com You don't want to miss this dynamic conversation--Part Four!
What's going on is a powerful question that takes some serious reflection and introspection. We may see with our eyes, but what are we experiencing in our minds, bodies, and our Spirit? Sometimes, sitting in such a moment can be terrifying and so we just vow to keep it moving without thinking about the impact in our lives or those around us. I invited some special guests to address the holistic impact (Spiritually, Physiologically, Psychologically) of what's happening in this nation: Pastor Dr. Judy Cummings, Marcus Lyons, LPC-MHSP and Dr. Victor Ukwu, Medical Doctor. Tune into the podcast via www.talkingwithdrtoy.com .You don't want to miss this dynamic conversation!
What's going on is a powerful question that takes some serious reflection and introspection. We may see with our eyes, but what are we experiencing in our minds, bodies, and our Spirit? Sometimes, sitting in such a moment can be terrifying and so we just vow to keep it moving without thinking about the impact in our lives or those around us. I invited some special guests to address the holistic impact (Spiritually, Physiologically, Psychologically) of what's happening in this nation: Stacey Lanier, LPC-MHSP; Linda Manning, Psychologist, Joe Joseph Ojibway, Nurse Practitioner, Jeremy Sublett, LPC-MHSP; and Dr. Thurman Webb Jr., LPC-MHSP. Tune into podcast via www.talkingwithdrtoy.com You don't want to miss this dynamic conversation!
What's going on? Is a powerful question that takes some serious reflection and introspection. We may see with our eyes, but what are we experiencing in our minds, bodies, and our Spirit? Sometimes, sitting in such a moment can be terrifying and so we just vow to keep it moving without thinking about the impact in our lives or those around us. I invited some special guests to assist me in addressing the holistic impact (Spiritually, Physiologically, Psychologically) of what's happening in this nation: Psychologist, Dr. Keisha Bean, Pastor, Dr. John R. Faison, Sr, and OBGYN, Dr. Kendra Hayslett. Tune into podcast via www.talkingwithdrtoy.com You don't want to miss this dynamic conversation!
Journal of A Grieving, Angry, and Bewildered Black Female Therapist: To Hope or Not to Hope: Some of what I am witnessing in this moment has sparked some degree of hope. When I see people of diverse origins and ethnicity joining the movement and some experiencing a degree of enlightenment like never before, I begin to think, maybe this time is different. However, when I allow myself to go there, I struggle because what happens if I am disappointed? Some of us may experience this similar struggle. Do we cease to hope for fear of being disappointed? Tune into the podcast via www.talkingwithdrtoy.com. I look forward to connecting with you. Dr. Toy.
Talking With Dr. Toy: A Journal of a Grieving, Angry, and Bewildered Black Female Therapist. God is not divorced from the social and racial injustices taking place in our society. So why does it seem some within the religious community are silent or disconnected as if God does not have anything to do or say about these issues? What message might this be sending to the nation and to world? Let me assure you--God cares and as His ambassadors, are we open to being His voice, His feet, and His hands during this time? Tune into the podcast via www.talkingwithdrtoy.com. I look forward to connecting with you. Dr. Toy.
As I stated this June 2020 series is going to be raw. This past week has been a rough one where I experienced three conversations addressing aspects of racial and social inequalities. Two conversations were with white men and another conversation was with a friend. I process my thoughts, my concerns, and my emotions about these conversations. One thing that emerged from these interactions was clarity regarding what I personally needed during this time and that is a safe place to authentically process and for someone to actively and emphatically listen. The hope is for everyone to have such a place to process because it is seriously need for to one navigate this current context in a healthy and holistic way. Tune into via www.talkingwithdrtoy.com. I look forward to connecting with you. Dr. Toy.
We are facing a moment in this nation where it cannot be business as usual. I have personally explored several responses individuals are experiencing during this time: Denial, Resistance, Consumed, Overwhelmed, Exhaustion, and Confusion. What's behind these responses? I explore and provide some rationale as to what I believe may be fueling such responses and ways to navigate them in a healthy and an helpful way. Tune into the podcast via www.talkingwithdrtoy.com I look forward to connecting with you. Dr. Toy.
The title of June's series for the Talking With Dr. Toy Show: A Journal of a Grieving, Angry, and Bewildered Black Female Therapist. I am voicing my personal thoughts of what I'm witnessing and experiencing with my head and my heart during this time. Be prepared, it's going to be raw, reflective, and hopefully restorative. Stay tuned and listen to the podcast via www.talkingwithdrtoy.com. I look forward to connective with you! Dr. Toy.
Racial trauma is very Real! Much of what we are experiencing is tied to a larger context of intergenerational trauma which is a trauma that has been passed on through generations stemming from slavery, Jim Crow Laws, etc. This trauma is in our bodies and our psyches. It's painful, but to look away is to deny it's existence and it's very pervasive and burdensome! We must continue to pray, fight, and rise in this moment. In the words of the late Maya Angelou: "Bringing the gifts that my ancestors gave, I am the dream and the hope of the slave. I Rise, I Rise, I Rise!" Please check on your people, even if you do not understand what's happening. A compassionate heart and having a ear to hear instead of judge can be very encouraging. Tune into the podcast via www.talkingwithdrtoy.com to hear ways to navigate this tumultuous time in our nation.
There has been some losses during this season of dealing with Covid-19 and it is beneficial to acknowledge how you are experiencing those losses, identify and make allowances for what you need. Grief has been described as a natural process, however, have you ever considered it a healing process? Grief can be laden with such pain that one may be apprehensive in considering it as a process that brings about healing, but it does just that. How can experiencing something so painful be healing? Grief is healing because it allows for an openness and acknowledgment of one's authentic emotions and it provides an opening to receive comfort. Tune into the podcast via www.talkingwithdrtoy.com.
Talking With Dr. Toy Show: Mental Health Check-In and Check-up Part 2! Tools for your Mental Health Tool Box. Please Make sure to be kind to yourself by allowing time and space for a Mental Health Check-In. I would encourage you to start your check in with the following questions: How Am I Doing? What Am I Experiencing? How Am I Experiencing? What Do I Need? Please take care of your mental health! Tune into the podcast via www.talkingwithdrtoy.com I look forward to connecting with you. Dr. Toy.
Are you taking care of your mental, spiritual, and emotional health? May is mental health awareness month and I want to encourage you to consistently enact a mental health check-in and check-up. What's in your mental health took-kit? Let's talk about it, tune into the podcast via www.talkingwithdrtoy.com. I look forward to connecting with you! Dr. Toy.
To Know God is To Know Thyself! The lens by which we view ourselves has been informed by aspects of socialization and life scripts that have been written by others. Sometimes we view ourselves solely through others' expectations and views of us. Therefore, we never truly discover aspects of our authentic identity. There is another perspective or another view that if you're receptive may be transformative and revelatory. Tune into the podcast via www.talkingwithdrtoy.com.
Theology as therapy is a concept that encourages one to engage in a process of studying God and thereby learning of His ways which can be very therapeutic. One aspect of God that may be overlooked is His desire to be known by His Creation. We are finite beings and for such a powerful God to desire that type of relationship with His creation is very powerful. However, one way to know God is truly to learn about His son, Jesus Christ. Jesus stated that when you have seen Him, we have seen the Father. If you desire to be known, then you are not alone, God desires for you to know Him and to invest in a relationship where you are authentically known by Him. Tune into via www.talkingwithdrtoy.com
Theology (Study of God) is therapy (process of personal interaction to assist in overcoming life's issues and change behavior). Who do you say God is? Some of our answers may mirror others' experiences instead of our own. God wants you to know Him because we need to! However, in order to cultivate that relationship we have got to put in the work. God is relational and He is waiting for you! Who is this God that desires to be in relationship with you? Tune into the podcast via www.talkingwithdrtoy.com.
The death of loved ones can be so sobering and reflective. Especially, in times like these. I have personally experienced the death of a gentleman who is a legend in radio, Clarence Kilcrease. When I learned of his death, it really hurt and I pondered the intensity and gravity of the loss. One thing I truly valued about my interactions with Clarence was how I felt when I encountered his presence. I felt seen, heard, valued, and really supported. I felt as if he was truly for me and honestly that seems like a rarity these days. In this age of self-preservation for someone to be so secure as to be giving of themselves is a precious gift. I would encourage us to become such people in the lives of others. Tune into the podcast via www.talkingwithdrtoy.com.
During distressing times one may enter into survival mode where the goal is to function whether than to live an abundant life. One may become neglectful of things that brings and breeds life to one's spirit, mind, soul, and body. During these times of separating ourselves and staying at home, it becomes necessary to take care of your holistic self which includes spirit, mind, soul, and body. Please be mindful and intentional of what you feed yourself during these times because what you take in can either bring life or breed despair and hopelessness. Please take good care of you and those around you! Dr. Toy
I know I'm not supposed to be afraid, but I am. We spend more time and energy fighting the fear than cultivating the faith and hope needed to bring a sense of peace, assurance, and calmness. How do I pivot from fear to faith? In times like these, we need an anchor for our soul and a source higher than our human limitations. Tune into the podcast via www.talkingwithdrtoy.com. I look forward to connecting with you. Dr. Toy.
Surviving a Disaster: The emotional toll that a disaster has on those who have experienced it will be different for each individual. The loss of tangibles such as material possessions may be evident but one may be unaware of the intangibles such as fear, loss of security, loss of identity, and spiritual crises. Tune into the podcast via www.talkingwithdrtoy.com. I look forward to connecting with you. Dr. Toy.
Let me be clear! There is nothing healthy about a relationship that includes any form of abuse. Many may be experiencing psychological, physical, emotional abuse. Because they are embarrassed or intimidated they remain silent. Listen, you are created in God's image and you deserve real and authentic love that is not about power or control. Tune into the podcast via www.talkingwithdrtoy.com. I look forward to connecting with you.
What is the key to forming and sustaining healthy relationships? I believe it is helpful for one to know the difference between interdependence, codependency, and isolation/disconnection. Many of us may be operating n the extremities of codependency and isolation instead of interdependence. Tune into the podcast via www.talkingwithdroty.com. I look forward to connecting with you. Dr. Toy.
Have you ever thought about writing a love letter to yourself? It may appear that this is selfish, but it's not. So many of us are used to receiving and rehearsing the lies that we no longer no nay truth about ourselves. This leaves us open and vulnerable to living up to the impossible expectations which sets us up for perpetual disappointment. This in turn develops into self-hate or intense dislike for ourselves. The first step is to know and receive what God says about your and the unconditional love He has for you. Remember, it's difficult to love others if you do not know and love yourself. Tune into the podcast via www.talkingwithdrtoy.com. I look forward to connecting with you. Dr. Toy.
Have you ever thought about writing a love letter to yourself? It may appear that this is selfish, but it's not. So many of us are used to receiving and rehearsing the lies that we no longer no nay truth about ourselves. This leaves us open and vulnerable to living up to the impossible expectations which sets us up for perpetual disappointment. This in turn develops into self-hate or intense dislike for ourselves. The first step is to know and receive what God says about your and the unconditional love He has for you. Remember, it's difficult to love others if you do not know and love yourself. Tune into the podcast via www.talkingwithdrtoy.com. I look forward to connecting with you. Dr. Toy.
You are not forgotten! Do you believe that? Relationships can be difficult terrain to navigate so much so that some may have given up. How you view yourself can affect how you develop and sustain relationships, with God, with yourself, and with others. Tune into the podcast via www.talkingwithdrtoy.com as we address love and belongingness. I look forward to connecting with you! Dr. Toy
Sit Down Somewhere! My Grandmother would always say that to me because I was such an active girl. I believe God is saying the same thing to us. It's difficult to get the attention of someone who is always running. Communing with God is a beautiful form of self-care! Spending time with your Creator can yield some beautiful insight into God as well as yourself which can be very restorative and healing. Tune into the podcast via www.talkingwithdrtoy.co. I look forward to connecting with you. Dr. Toy.
The ability to say NO is a prerequisite to implementing aspects of self-care! Saying NO is easier said than done because many of us tie aspects of being needed and people pleasing to our identities. There are many reasons people struggle with saying no which include not wanting to disappoint people, fear of being perceived as selfish, and fear of changing the dynamics of a relationship due to the consequences of saying NO. Tune into the podcast via www.talkingwithdrtoy.com. to learn more ways to say no so you can say YES to yourself! I look forward to connecting with you! Dr. Toy.
Self-Care is not selfish. It's actually spiritual! Self-care is an activity that we do intentionally in order to take care of our mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual well-being. Implementing self-care activities on a consistent basis will enable you to identify your needs which enhances what you're able to give to others. It is a powerful way of connecting with your Creator, Yourself, and to others. Learn ways to give from your abundance instead of your fumes! Tune into the podcast via www.talkingwithdrtoy.com. I look forward to connecting with you!
Happy New Year! A new year brings with it a sense of anticipation and excitement. Many have a new found energy and zest to embrace and enact new things. We begin thinking about the things we would like to change, things we want to differently in the new year. We begin to examine so many of the external things that need to be changed and think that will assist us in our efforts to start anew. However, no matter how many externals you look to change, if you still have the same old mindset and mentality, you could just keep running in circles and marking time. Tune into the podcast via www.talkingwithdrtoy.com to learn how embracing a new mindset can jump start your journey to success.
Are you living the fullness of life? We are wounded and broken people, but healing is possible. I believe therapy is a space that God can use to bring about healing and restoration for your soul. However, because of the stigma of therapy, many may not even open this door as a way in which God may use to bring about that much needed healing. Why not treat yourself to therapy this New Year. Remember, God is everywhere, even in therapy! Tune into the podcast via www.talkingwithdrtoy. I look forward to connecting with you
The Intangibles of Christmas: Stillness, Rest, and Reflection. Society often values busyness as a badge of honor and many of us wear it proudly. However, the consequences of wearing this badge begins to take a toll on our soul and spirit. We begin to witness the drowning of our soul by a to-do-list and desperately trying to meet others' expectations. We soon begin to realize we have lost ourselves to a list of activities we have used to define our value and worth. I encourage you to pause and intentionally invite Stillness, Rest, and Reflection into this season. This triple blessing is life giving and even life saving! Tune into the podcast via www.talkingwithdrtoy.com. I look forward to connecting with you. Dr. Toy.
This season brings with it some highs of life as well as some lows. Many may experience what has been termed as the Holiday Blues. People may be struggling with grief, depression, sadness, and loneliness. However, because many are consumed with the consumerism and materialist aspects of the season, our sensitivity radar may be off or on pause. However, this is a time when our sensitivity needs to be keen to not only be aware or acknowledge struggles and needs of others but also of our needs. Are you open to receive as well as to give comfort? Tune into the podcast via www.talkingwithdrtoy.com to learn more about this dynamic duo of comfort and compassion.
As we scurry around trying to figure out the best gifts for our loved ones and friends, have you ever thought about a gift that money can't buy? Instead of solely focusing on a present why not offer your presence! Being truly present with someone means giving that person your undivided attention and being present in mind, soul, and body. Sometimes we can be around people but we are distracted with past issues, present issues, and future plans. We are there in body, but that's about it. Try just being present in that exact moment with loved ones, it is worth much more than a tangible gift. Tune into the podcast via www.talkingwithdrtoy.com.
Many people have already made their Christmas list. They may have been thinking about this the entire year and now the time has come for that list to become a reality. A lot of time is expended on thinking about those materialistic things and working towards acquiring them. However, I wonder how much time is invested towards acquiring the intangibles that are worth more than gold such as joy, peace, energy, etc. Sometimes, those intangibles are what enables individuals to live a good quality of life. Tune into the podcast via www.talkingwithdrtoy.com to learn more about acquiring strength and energy this season.
Being overwhelmed with the issues and challenges of life may appear to be a normal aspect of life, but it can be debilitating. Feeling overwhelmed is an intense emotional reaction to life challenges where individuals may be overcome by their thoughts and emotions. When individuals are overwhelmed they may exhibit behaviors such as lashing out and various emotions such as anger, helplessness, irritability and anger. Tune into the podcast via www.talkingwithdrtoy.com to learn more about this emotion as well as ways to effectively process and overcome being overwhelmed.
Happy Birthday! This is a birthday message for those struggling with their very existence. Have you ever questioned whether your life matters? If you have not, there are some who have and they even wonder if they are a mistake. Listen, your life matters and if you solely rely on the validation and affirmation of others or solely allow others to outline the qualifications that define aspects of your worth or value, your life will resemble a See Saw that rises or falls on others opinions or perspectives. This is unstable and if you want stability of knowing and valuing the essence of your being, connect to the One who has already demonstrated an investment in you and that's your Creator! Tune into the show via www.talkingwithdrtoy.com.
Character has been defined as a list of qualities or traits an individual possesses. Humility and wisdom are two important traits that can assist an individual in successfully navigating aspects of life. Humility has been defined as acknowledging that one's achievements have been the results of others investing in their lives. Wisdom is more than just acquiring knowledge, it entails having a perspective that informs the ways one responds and views a situation that transcends one's current situation. Both of these qualities are a result of creating adequate space to engage in self-awareness and self-cultivation. Tune into the podcast via www.talkingwithdrtoy.com.
Why does it seem that peace often alludes many of us? How do you define peace? Maybe another important question is do you have it? Finally, how do you obtain it? Could it be that some of us may have an inaccurate definition of peace? We think peace is connected to what is going on around us instead of within us. Tune into the podcast to learn more about this wonderful gift via www.talkingwithdrtoy.com.
Encouragement is defined as the action of giving someone support, hope, and confidence. However, there's much more depth to this action especially spiritually in that it means building one up and developing something within others. Discouragement can deplete one's spirit and motivation so much so that hopelessness and helplessness emerges and defeat soon sets in. The power of one's words can breathe life into a weary soul. Tune into www.talkingwithdrtoy.com to learn the importance of encouragement.
Talking With Dr. Toy: Hope is a Gift! Some may dismiss hope as a simple emotion or may even think being hopeful is being naive. However, hope is a powerful and very charging way to navigate life. Hope sets one on a path to achieving goals and ensuring that one continues to dream. Hope is the expectation of something good and so many times we condition ourselves to not have expectations in order to avoid disappointments. Tune into the podcast via www.talkingwithdrtoy.com to learn more about why it's important to have hope.
We often hear about the fear of failure but do you know there is a fear of success? The Fear of Success if very real and often times it may be informing the reason behind one's stagnation and insecurity without one's awareness. Tune into the podcast via www.talkingwithdrtoy.com to learn more about this fear.
The Fear of the Unknown is Very Real. Why is this type of fear so powerful, so powerful that it may keep one stuck when they know it's time to move forward. Tune into the podcast via www.talkingwithdrtoy.com to learn various ways to overcome this type of fear along with the fear of failure and success.
The Fear of Trusting!! The fear of trust and fear of hurt are often companions and one has a fear of trust because they do not want to experience hurt. Tune into the podcast to identify the causes of this fear, the results, and the remedies via www.talkingwithdrtoy.com.
Hurt people hurt people may be a true saying, but how do we respond to being hurt especially by the people closest to us? Oftentimes we implement protective strategies to keep from being hurt so we develop this Fear of being hurt and we try to avoid re-experiencing this pain. Although these strategies may keep us from experiencing hurt, they do very little to keep us from experiencing pain and loneliness. They also imprison us from experiencing aspects of authentic love and true joy. Tune into the podcast to learn more about this fear. www.talkingwithdrtoy.com
Character has been defined as the qualities and traits that forms an individual's nature. One source expressed it this way that the character is the real you when no one is looking. Society has a way of setting the agenda of what's important, however, society often get's it wrong. In a culture that emphasizes position, titles, power, and the acquisition of materialistic gain, it often neglects to value the content of one's character. Character often paves the road to one's success and how well they interact with others. Tune into the podcast via www.talkingwithdrtoy.com to learn more about the importance of character.
Although there is stigma regarding church, it is very real and there are some who have been wounded in a place that is supposed to be a sanctuary. Some people remain bitter for years which adversely affects their relationship with God. Although hurt is unavoidable, healing is possible. Tune into part two of this series of ways to heal from church hurt via www.talkingwithdrtoy.com.