Code4Couples: Recent Episodes
Cyndi Doyle
Cyndi Doyle is the author of Hold the Line: The Essential Guide to Protecting Your Law Enforcement Relationship, psychotherapist, and a law enforcement spouse working to educate officers and spouse on the impact of law enforcement on their relationship for them to counter the impact and create connected and resilient relationships. She is the author and creator of Hold the Line products including a train the trainer program for departments. Contact Cyndi for speaking, training for your organization or department, or bulk orders of books at info@code4couples.com
Every holiday season, law enforcement families feel the pressure to give the perfect gift. But what if the gifts that matter most cannot be wrapped?
In this episode of the Code4Couples Podcast, Cyndi Doyle shares five relationship gifts that truly support law enforcement couples, especially during stressful seasons and into the new year. These are not trendy ideas or quick fixes. They are foundational practices that strengthen connection, resilience, and emotional safety at home.
Drawing from personal experience as a police spouse, clinical work with first responder couples, and years of listening to what actually helps relationships survive and thrive, Cyndi explores:
✔ Why physical and emotional health matter more than ever ✔ How affection rebuilds connection in high-stress homes ✔ The power of curiosity instead of assumptions ✔ Why time reflects values and priorities ✔ How gratitude rewires the law enforcement brain and protects relationships
This episode is a reminder that real gifts are lived, not purchased.
🎄 Whether you are an officer, spouse, or partner, this conversation invites you to reflect, reset, and recommit to the relationship that matters most.
Grab the pledge here
📘 Get the Book: Hold the Line: The Essential Guide to Protecting Your Law Enforcement Relationship
🎤 Bring Cyndi to Your Department: 👉 https://code4couples.com/training/
Timestamps 00:00 Holiday pressure and why gifts miss the mark 02:05 The inspiration behind the five gifts 04:10 Gift #1: Health, physical and emotional 10:30 Gift #2: Affection and everyday connection 14:20 Gift #3: Curiosity and staying interested 18:10 Gift #4: Time and intentional choices 22:15 Gift #5: Gratitude and the law enforcement brain 30:10 Christmas Gift Pledge for couples 34:20 Choosing one gift to focus on this year 36:00 Closing reflections and holiday message
Conflict hits differently in law enforcement families. Hypervigilance, shift work, emotional shutdown, and missed holidays can slowly chip away at connection. Jimmy and Angie Cash know that firsthand. Their story includes a blended family, years of slow disconnect, a marriage crash, separation, and a complete rebuild that now helps thousands of first responder couples.
In this conversation, Jimmy and Angie walk through how their marriage drifted into resentment and distance, how hypervigilance affected connection, how unmet needs kept getting misread as criticism, and the major crash that forced them to reassess everything.
They share the exact skills, mindset shifts, and conflict resolution tools that helped them repair emotional intimacy, communicate safely, and build a stronger marriage than ever.Law enforcement relationships face unique pressure. High-alert brains, sleep disruption, trauma exposure, blended family stress, and "there is no good time to talk about it" patterns create slow relational erosion.
This episode shows that a marriage can come back from resentment, distance, and even separation when couples have the right skills and support.
KEY TOPICS COVERED ✓ Hypervigilance and emotional withdrawal at home ✓ The drift into resentment in first responder marriages ✓ How unmet needs hide inside everyday complaints ✓ The role of repentance, repair, and ownership in rebuilding trust ✓ How to de-weaponize conflict conversations ✓ Skills that help couples listen, connect, and repair ✓ Why couples wait an average of seven years to ask for help ✓ Daily practices that rebuild emotional intimacy
WHO THIS EPISODE IS FOR • Law enforcement spouses and partners • First responder couples navigating distance or disconnection • Officers who feel numb, overwhelmed, or checked out • Couples recovering from betrayal or crisis • Anyone wanting practical tools to reconnect, communicate, and repair
Read the book that has helped thousands of first responder couples: Hold the Line: The Essential Guide to Protecting Your Law Enforcement Relationship https://www.amazon.com/Hold-Line-Protecting-Enforcement-Relationship-ebook/dp/B08TPRTY9G#customerReviews
Bring Code4Couples training to your department: https://code4couples.com/training/
00:00 Welcome and introduction 01:00 Jimmy and Angie's origin story 03:00 Blended family dynamics 07:00 Shift work, missed holidays, and slow disconnection 10:00 Emotional intimacy vs physical intimacy 12:30 Hypervigilance and the home fallout 14:00 Brotherhood, secrecy, and resentment 16:00 "We were good until we weren't" 18:00 The crash and separation 20:00 Live the Life: the turning point 22:00 Unmet needs and how couples misread them 25:00 How officers can hear "we need help" differently 28:00 The emotional adult vs the emotional teenager 29:00 Repentance, repair, and genuine ownership 32:00 The shift that rebuilt their marriage 34:00 "Taking Out the Trash" emotional processing tool 36:30 How to handle conflict when there's "no good time" 39:00 The dangerous drift into disconnection 41:00 Live the Life programs and Hope Weekend 44:00 Final encouragement for first responder couples
Trauma-informed relationships start with understanding moral injury, the stress that blindsides even the strongest first responders. In this episode, we break down how moral injury shows up in first responder work and why it impacts families long after the shift ends.
What you'll learn: • How "non-traumatic" calls can still create deep wounds • The difference between guilt, shame, burnout, and moral injury • Why first responder stress builds over time and spills into relationships • What partners can do to help and why peer support matters • Practical steps to rebuild connection and emotional stability
Cyndi Doyle is a licensed professional counselor supervisor, founder of Code4Couples®, author of Hold the Line, and a retired police spouse. She helps law enforcement and first responder couples stay connected, resilient, and grounded in their relationship.
👉 Primary CTA — Get the book: Hold the Line: The Essential Guide to Protecting Your Law Enforcement Relationship https:/*/www.amazon.com/Hold-Line-Protecting-Enforcement-Relationship-ebook/dp/B08TPRTY9G#customerReviews
👉 Speaking / Booking: Bring Cyndi to your department or conference → https://code4couples.com/training/
00:00 Welcome to Code4Couples 01:00 Meet Ashley: Paramedic to counselor 04:00 When your body says "no more" 07:00 The pressure to hide emotional struggle 10:00 The call that changed everything 14:00 When moral injury hits without warning 18:00 Guilt, shame, and the stories we create 22:00 How moral injury shows up like trauma 28:00 Cynicism, compassion fatigue, and burnout 32:00 What healing actually looks like 39:00 Stress in the body vs. stress in your mind 44:00 Supporting your first responder partner 47:00 Peer support as a lifeline 49:00 How to find Ashley + additional resources 51:00 Final thoughts and takeaway
Law enforcement stress doesn't just stay on the job, it can come crashing into family life. Retired Detective Jody Thompson shares how a personal crisis brought years of hidden trauma to the surface and how he and his wife found a path to healing.
Short Episode Summary In this episode, Detective (ret.) Jody Thompson opens up about the personal crisis that nearly cost him his wife during childbirth — a moment that triggered suppressed memories from years of responding to traumatic calls. You'll hear:
How suppressed trauma can resurface years later
The impact of cumulative stress on officers and families
How Jody and his wife navigated recovery together
Why younger officers need to face trauma early, not bury it
Practical ways law enforcement couples can talk, heal, and grow stronger
Hosted by Cyndi Doyle — licensed professional counselor, author of Hold the Line, and founder of Code4Couples®. Cyndi helps first responder couples strengthen relationships and build resilience against the unique challenges of law enforcement life.
📖 Grab Cyndi's book Hold the Line: The Essential Guide to Protecting Your Law Enforcement Relationship → https://www.amazon.com/Hold-Line-Protecting-Enforcement-Relationship-ebook/dp/B08TPRTY9G#customerReviews
🎤 Book Cyndi to speak or train with your department → https://code4couples.com/training/
00:00 – Introduction & Jody's background 04:30 – The childbirth crisis that changed everything 10:00 – Nightmares and resurfacing trauma 18:00 – Law enforcement marriage under pressure 25:00 – Choosing to leave the job for family 32:00 – Advice for young officers on handling trauma 39:00 – Closing thoughts & message of hope
Police officer mental health and alcohol use are deeply connected, but most families don't know what signs to watch for.
Alcohol is often normalized in law enforcement culture, but for many officers and families, it quietly becomes a coping mechanism for trauma, stress, and identity loss. In this Code4Couples Podcast episode, Cyndi Doyle is joined by retired police officer and peer support leader Joe Rizzuti for an honest conversation about alcohol use, addiction, and mental health in first responders.
In this episode, you'll learn:
Why alcohol is commonly used as a coping mechanism in policing
Signs alcohol may be becoming a problem for officers or spouses
How trauma and job culture fuel unhealthy coping behaviors
What peer support and culturally competent mental health care actually look like
Cyndi Doyle is a licensed professional counselor supervisor, author of Hold the Line, and founder of Code4Couples®, specializing in mental health and relationship support for law enforcement and first responder families.
📘 Get the book: Hold the Line, Protecting Law Enforcement Relationships 👉 https://www.amazon.com/Hold-Line-Protecting-Enforcement-Relationship-ebook/dp/B08TPRTY9G#customerReviews
🎤 Training & Speaking Requests: 👉 https://code4couples.com/training/
00:00 Introduction and guest background 03:45 Alcohol culture in law enforcement 07:30 Trauma and alcohol as a coping mechanism 12:40 Signs alcohol is becoming a problem 18:10 Peer support and culturally competent care 24:30 Retirement, isolation, and suicide risk 30:00 How families can start the conversation
When an officer serves, the entire family serves. In police families, stress doesn’t stop at the end of a shift; it echoes through the home, shaping the way spouses and children experience daily life. While much attention is given to officer wellness, the resilience of the whole family, especially children, is equally important.
For children growing up in police families, safety and unpredictability often live side by side. They notice details that many of their peers overlook, such as locked doors, tense body language, or whether mom or dad seems on edge after a shift. This constant scanning can develop into hypervigilance, shaped not only by family culture but also by generational factors, such as high ACEs (Adverse Childhood Experiences) scores, which are common among first responders.
Without intentional resilience strategies, these stressors can quietly translate into fear, disconnection, or long-term emotional strain that follows them into adulthood.
Warrior's Rest Foundation
Hold the Line: The Essential Guide to Protecting Your Law Enforcement Relationship.
The Top 10 Things Every Law Enforcement Spouse Should Know
Most cops worry about the dangers they face on duty, but few realize the biggest threat might come long after the uniform is hung up. Heart disease is taking our officers too soon, and in many cases, they never saw it coming.
Research has shown that law enforcement officers live, on average, 20 years less than civilians. The two leading causes of death are suicide and heart disease. What makes cardiac issues particularly alarming is the age at which they strike. In the civilian population, the average heart attack happens at 65. For officers, it’s closer to 46, and that number keeps dropping.
Studies show that nearly 71% of officers who died before the average civilian life expectancy died from cardiac causes. That means the majority of preventable deaths in law enforcement are not line-of-duty incidents, but hidden heart disease.
iamsigma
Hold the Line: The Essential Guide to Protecting Your Law Enforcement Relationship.
The Top 10 Things Every Law Enforcement Spouse Should Know
When a parent wears the badge, the job doesn’t stay at work; it shapes family life, especially for children. Law enforcement kids grow up with unique stressors: unpredictable schedules, stories about crime and tragedy that spill over into conversations at home, and the tension of knowing their parents face real risks on the job. Even if they aren’t directly in danger, children often feel the weight of it, whether it’s overhearing talk about a violent call, sensing worry when their parents don’t check in, seeing incidents on social media or watching the news cover an incident involving their department.
Parents often wonder, How is this affecting my child, and What can I do to protect them?
Hold the Line: The Essential Guide to Protecting Your Law Enforcement Relationship.
The Top 10 Things Every Law Enforcement Spouse Should Know
Northern Lights Therapy
If you’ve ever heard or said “I’m sorry, but…” you know how empty that apology feels. “Sorry” often gets tossed out as a quick fix to end the argument, not to heal the hurt. The problem is that those shallow apologies don’t repair anything. They pile up, leaving cracks in trust that get harder to ignore.
For many first responder couples, conflict starts to feel like a battle to win instead of a wound to heal. Law enforcement officers, in particular, are trained with a survival mindset: “you win, you go home.” But when that belief crosses into marriage, it turns your spouse into the opponent instead of your teammate.
madison@madisoneliecounseling.com www.madisoneliecounseling.com 9 Ways to Apologize Worksheet Hold the Line: The Essential Guide to Protecting Your Law Enforcement Relationship
The Top 10 Things Every Law Enforcement Spouse Should Know
If you’re in law enforcement, you already know the job changes you, mentally, physically, emotionally, and relationally. What most people don’t realize is that those changes often pile up slowly, until something breaks down, sleep, relationships, health, or your outlook on the job.
That’s exactly why Dr. Stephanie Conn wrote Increasing Resilience in Police and Emergency Personnel: Strengthening Your Mental Armor and why the second edition is more than just a refresh. It’s a timely, research-driven update that meets today’s law enforcement culture head-on, with realistic tools that actually work.
This isn’t a book you’ll read once and shelve. It’s the kind you’ll come back to when the wheels start falling off.
Increasing Resilience in Police and Emergency Personnel: Strengthening Your Mental Armor
First Responder Psychology - Police Counseling, Police Training
Hold the Line: The Essential Guide to Protecting Your Law Enforcement Relationship
Women in law enforcement face a unique set of challenges that often go unspoken, misunderstood, or minimized, both inside the department and at home.
Monica Crawford is a former police officer, a law enforcement spouse, the author of Thriving Inside the Thin Blue Line, and the powerhouse behind Five-O Fierce and Fit.
Her mission is to assist women in law enforcement reclaim their strength, mentally, physically, and emotionally and thrive inside the very culture that too often asks them to shrink.
Today, we discuss the differences in the female law enforcement experience and why it matters for the future of policing, officer well-being, and law enforcement relationships.
www.five0fierceandfit.com/info
Thriving Inside the Blue Line
Hold the Line: The Essential Guide to Protecting Your Law Enforcement Relationship The Top 10 Things Every Law Enforcement Spouse Should Know
What Law Enforcement Families Need to Know About Real Work-Life Balance
When we talk about balance in law enforcement life, it often sounds like a personal issue, something you're expected to figure out quietly, in between overtime shifts and missed family dinners. The reality is balance isn't just about time management or stress reduction. It's about alignment between your job and your values, your needs and your partner’s, your role as a first responder and your role at home. And according to Elizabeth Ecklund, firefighter, nurse, social worker-in-training, and Antarctica-deployed badass, balance isn’t something you find. It’s something you build together.
Let’s break down what balance really means, why it matters in police marriages and first responder families, and how you can build it together.
www.mindforgedtherapy.com info@mindforgetherapy.com 2533989565 Hold the Line: The Essential Guide to Protecting Your Law Enforcement Relationship The Top 10 Things Every Law Enforcement Spouse Should Know
Law enforcement officers are trained to survive chaos. But at home, survival mode is not enough.
Officers and their spouses need emotional safety in order to stay connected, healthy, and resilient. Without it, communication breaks down. Compassion becomes scarce. And what started as a strong bond slowly begins to erode.
The home should be a place of rest, connection, and stability. Yet, for many first responder couples, it feels tense, distant, or even emotionally unsafe.
This is not because the relationship is broken. It is because the job has conditioned responses that, if left unaddressed, interfere with connection.
Let’s explore why emotional safety matters, why it is often lost in law enforcement relationships, and what steps couples can take to rebuild it with intention and resilience.
Hold the Line: The Essential Guide to Protecting Your Law Enforcement Relationship.
When Command Presence Comes Home
Hypervigilance at Home
When AK Dozanti started her career in law enforcement at 19 years old, she never imagined that the job she loved would nearly destroy her. Like so many officers, she embodied the mission, working out twice a day, meal prepping, and chasing excellence. By the time she was awarded Officer of the Year in 2015, she was already unraveling. Burnout, depression, PTSD, adrenal fatigue, and suicidal ideation were silently creeping in. Her story isn’t just about what took her out of the job, it’s about how she gave herself permission to choose something different and how that choice saved her life.
AK Dozanti
Beat the Burnout: Prevention and Recovery Solutions for Frontline
LinkedIn: AK Dozanti
Hold the Line: The Essential Guide to Protecting Your Law Enforcement Relationship
When Richard Crimi’s 14-year law enforcement career came to an unexpected halt due to a debilitating back injury, he didn’t just recover physically, he rebuilt his mindset from the ground up. Now, through his work with first responders, federal agencies, and military personnel, Richard helps others harness the power of the mind to improve performance, enhance resilience, and strengthen their relationships.
And yes, mindset matters in marriage too.
LinkedIn: Richard Crimi | LinkedIn
MindPrepAcademy.com
Hold the Line: The Essential Guide to Protecting Your Law Enforcement Relationship
The Top 10 Things Every Law Enforcement Spouse Should Know
Navigating a law enforcement marriage isn’t for the faint of heart. Behind the uniforms, long shifts, and high-stakes calls are couples trying to hold on to connection, communication, and a sense of normal. And while there’s plenty of talk about police mental health and first responder burnout, there’s not nearly enough said about how this job quietly rewires relationships from the inside out.
Whether you're brand new to this life or a seasoned spouse who's mastered holidays solo, there's a learning curve no one warns you about. So, I pulled together a list, rooted in the lived experience of law enforcement couples and backed by years of working with spouses and officers, that I believe every law enforcement spouse should know. Because understanding the why behind the struggles? That’s the first step to building a stronger, more resilient law enforcement relationship.
Hold the Line: The Essential Guide to Protecting Your Law Enforcement Relationship
The Top 10 Things Every Law Enforcement Spouse Should Know
When Lieutenant Randy Sutton first put on the badge in 1976, policing looked a lot different. Officers could do their jobs without the constant scrutiny of a body camera or the looming fear of public backlash. They were respected. Supported. And even though the job was always dangerous, the culture surrounding officers, both inside and outside the department, wasn’t laced with suspicion and hostility.
Fast forward to today, and that landscape has shifted dramatically. And for law enforcement families, the weight of that shift is deeply personal.
The Wounded Blue
True Blue
A Cop’s Life
Rescuing 911: The Fight for America’s Safety
Hold the Line: The Essential Guide to Protecting Your Law Enforcement Relationship
Sleep can feel like a luxury in law enforcement. Between shift work, court schedules, overtime, and home responsibilities, rest often gets pushed to the bottom of the priority list.
But here's the truth that people don’t frequently discuss. Your sleep (or lack of it) impacts EVERYTHING: your mood, your health, your safety, your marriage, and even how long you’ll be around to enjoy retirement.
Sleep psychologist and author Leah Elizabeth Kaylor breaks down the importance of sleep health for first responders. Leah’s been the go-to sleep expert for the FBI and is now sharing her insights with us, including tips on how to reset poor sleep habits, manage nightmares, and even navigate the idea of “sleep divorce” being healthy for relationships.
Law enforcement teaches officers how to handle chaos, make quick decisions, and keep emotions in check to get the job done. But what happens when that same skill set that keeps officers safe on duty starts to create distance at home?
For Zachary Saenz, that emotional armor was a survival tool, something he didn’t even realize he was putting on. It helped him push through the hard calls, the trauma, and the stress of being a police officer. But over time, the same armor that protected him from the job started shutting out the person he loved most.
His story is one that many in law enforcement relationships can relate to: learning how to carry the weight of the job without letting it take over your life. The way he navigated that shift, through therapy, self-awareness, and small but meaningful changes, holds lessons for any officer who wants to strengthen their mental health and their relationships.
Zachary Saenz | LinkedIn
Texas Law Enforcement Peer Network | Texas Commission on Law Enforcement
When Brent Cartwright became an undercover narcotics officer, he told his wife, Wesley, that it would be safer.
"Bad guys don’t want trouble. They just want your money and to get out of there," he reassured her. After years of unpredictable patrol work, undercover assignments seemed like a shift toward stability, more controlled environments, fewer calls involving guns. Wesley trusted him. She believed he was making the best decision for his career and their family.
But what Brent didn’t realize at the time was that he wasn’t just doing the job, he was becoming it. The rush of working undercover, the thrill of taking down drug dealers, the high stakes operations where everything could go sideways in a second; it was exhilarating. Over time, it changed him.
Undercovered.net
https://www.amazon.com/Undercover-Junkie-Chasing-Confronting-Unraveling/dp/B0DR5GVWHV
In the world of law enforcement, the weight of the job extends far beyond being on duty. Officers carry the burdens of the job home, often struggling with the effects of trauma, hypervigilance, and emotional exhaustion. Yet, despite being problem-solvers for others, many find it challenging to seek help for themselves. That's where Copline steps in, a totally confidential, genuinely non-profit, 24/7 peer support line designed exclusively for law enforcement officers, retirees, and their families.
1-800-COPLINE (267-5463)
For more information, visit Copline.org.
Ideally, officers coming home would be able to have 20 to 30 minutes to decompress before engaging with the family, but we all know that sometimes that's just not realistic. Your spouse has a life, a full -time job, manages the household and when you're not there, your family has their own business and their own chaos. Heck, maybe the officer parent is the parent who's doing all the parent pickups or bath time, or maybe your spouse travels for work. Real life dictates that as a couple, you're not always going to be able to put the officer's need to decompress ahead of life. Real life dictates that you will have days when both of your worlds feel like chaos, have heaps of stress, and just feel like a sh*t show.
This can lead couples to disengage and argue. What is the best way to make it through when you both have dumpster fire days? How do you hold space for your officer or your partner when you need that support too?
Let’s be honest, relationships can be tough. Add the challenges of a high-stress job like lawenforcement, and things can get even more complicated. If you’ve ever had a disagreement where your officer partner seemed togo into "work mode"—commanding, controlling, and all business—you’re not alone. And officers, maybe you’ve found yourself looking back on an argument wondering why you acted like you were on duty instead of at home. This is what’scalled authoritarian spillover, and it’s something many law enforcement couples face.
Let’s break it down, talk about the challenges it creates, and explore some ways to handle it together.
Coming home after a long shift as a law enforcement officer should feel like a relief—a return to safety and family. Yet, for many officers and their spouses, this transition is anything but smooth. Hypervigilance, a critical survival mechanism on the job, often spills over into home life, creating tension and disconnection in relationships.
Understanding hypervigilance and its impact on your family is the first step to maintaining a strong, connected relationship. Here, we’ll explore the problem and offer practical solutions for both officers and their spouses.
Hold the Line: The Essential Guide to Protecting Your Law Enforcement Relationship
January 9th marks Law Enforcement Appreciation Day—a moment to honor the men and women who protect and serve our communities. However, as we express gratitude for officers, it's crucial to also recognize the families who sacrifice and serve alongside them. Appreciation is not only for special occasions; it’s an essential practice that strengthens the bonds between officers and their loved ones.
Host, Cyndi Doyle, explores the science of appreciation, its role in fostering connection, and actionable ways to incorporate it into everyday life.
Hold the Line: The Essential Guide to Protecting Your Law Enforcement Relationship
The start of a new year is the perfect time to set goals—not just for personal growth, but for your relationship as well. For law enforcement couples, the challenges of hypervigilance, shift work, stress, and balancing dual careers can create unique roadblocks to connection and communication. Without proactive strategies, these challenges can lead to misunderstandings, emotional distance, and even burnout.
But there’s good news: small, intentional changes can have a big impact. Below, we outline five powerful resolutions specifically designed for law enforcement couples to strengthen their bond and navigate the year with resilience and connection.
Burnout in law enforcement as an officer or spouse seems inevitable, considering the sacrifices you make and the impact on both of you. It leads to arguments and disconnection.
You work hard, juggling work, home, social life, projects, kids, parents, and all the other things. Appointments, meetings, and shifts keep getting added to your calendar, and paperwork is piling up. Maybe you've said yes to a few people or situations you really wanted to say no to.
You realize you're not just burning the candle on both ends, but you've added some wicks making the candle burn faster. You think if I can just get through this or that, I can take a break. You promise yourself you will never do this again, only to find yourself back in a cycle again, or maybe you don't see an end in sight at all.
You're in burnout.
Yolanda Harper, LCSW, and Cyndi Doyle discuss the impact of burnout in law enforcement officers, spouses, and relationships.
Soul Sabbatical
In this episode of the Code4Couples podcast, host Cyndi Doyle continues the conversation with Joan Van De Greik about the severe financial impacts following her husband's traumatic brain injury (TBI) sustained in the line of duty. Joan shares the struggles they faced including mounting medical expenses, navigating insurance and workers' comp, the importance of disability and life insurance with living benefits, and ultimately starting her business Fetch Your Wealth.
Joan's story highlights the necessity of financial planning for law enforcement families facing similar challenges.
Fetch Your Wealth
There's an injury to the head on the job. If it's an open wound, it gets addressed, stapled up, and healed. As time goes on, you or your spouse notices that you're different.
You're changing your mood, your drive, your impulsivity and your memory isn’t what it used to be.
You aren't sure what's happening.
Despite what looks fine externally, you know something is going on.
Traumatic brain injuries or TBIs are injuries to the brain that impact the function of the brain. A TBI has consequences in cognitive, psychological, social, behavioral, and even other functioning. TBIs can range in severity and in a 2020 study, it was suggested that 38.9% of officers who reported a loss of consciousness due to a concussion had a mild TBI. When there are possible injuries to the head, the protocols to determine a TBI are often overlooked causing officers and families to struggle to determine what is happening when behavior changes.
I've heard of couples confusion when there's a change. I've seen it in my office, and I personally know of a couple here locally that spent years trying to get a department to understand a TBI that had occurred on the job and its impact on the officer today. Joan Van De Greik shares the story of her husband's injury and their years of struggle, not only to get the diagnosis but also dismissal and betrayal of the city and the fight for compensation as a work-related injury. Joan's mission is to educate other law enforcement families and help them to be financially prepared should they experience a career ending injury or line of duty death. This is part one of my interview with Joan as she shares her story of the struggle after the incident
Fetch Your Wealth
In a dual first responder home, there are times when first person and vicarious trauma must coexist. We may experience the traumatic incident firsthand and then hear the other person's view of the same incident when we are home together. While the differing perspectives can be beneficial, it's not always true. Everyone reacts to a singular incident differently, and sometimes it can be difficult to remember.
Lisa and James Robinson are a dual first responder couple who have and continue to work through traumas both individually and shared. In this episode, they share how they stumble through and what they have learned to help and support themselves and each other.
As a couple, we are aware that officers and their families can be impacted by the job. Sometimes, the impact is trauma. That trauma can be direct or indirect. Secondary traumatic stress can impact officers, spouses, children, or even extended family and friends. We need to be aware of the signs and symptoms to help ourselves and those we love. Expert, Melissa Kaiser talks about what to look for and strategies on how to counter the impact.
For further resources or personalized assistance, Melissa Kaiser can be reached via email at melkaiconsulting@gmail.com or through LinkedIn: Melissa Kaiser.
Hypervigilance allows officers to stay aware and safe on the job. As an officer or spouse, you may be aware or have a general understanding of hypervigilance. You may even understand that what goes up must come down. Sadly, that single biological process that keeps our officers safe, can spill over like a tsunami in our relationships.
We need to be aware of how it shows up and notice it to make changes. Garrett TeSlaa, who is an active law enforcement officer and host of the very popular Squad Room podcast talks about the impact of hypervigilance on the family and the impact he's making on officers and their families.
If you are interested in joining The Academy, visit thesquadroom.net/theacademy
For any questions, reach out to Garrett at garrett@thesquadroom.net.
In this podcast episode, host Cyndi Doyle interviews Brian Ellis, a retired law enforcement officer and creator of Magnus Worx, about the importance of wellness and resilience in the law enforcement profession. Wellness is not just a physical issue, but also a mental one, and it is crucial for law enforcement organizations to prioritize the well-being of their personnel. Ellis discusses the alarming state of public safety well-being and the need for organizations to take action to support their employees. He also highlights the importance of data in measuring the effectiveness of wellness programs and the role of technology in providing a safe and anonymous environment for individuals to express their needs and concerns. Ellis encourages law enforcement personnel to prioritize their own wellness and seek out resources and support, and emphasizes the need for organizations to adopt a strategic and holistic approach to wellness.
LinkedIn: @magnusworx
Instagram: @magnusworx
Magnusworx.com
National Command and Staff College
The Theory of MAGNUS OVEA: A General Theory of Human Performance & Wellbeing
My husband and I were super naive when it came to understanding how his job was going to impact our relationship. I saw it as a career path, just like any other. I mean, sure, there was danger and shift work, but what more could there be? No one told us what to expect or how to make sure our relationship stayed solid. As a couple new to law enforcement, I wish someone would have told us some basics. Amber Smith is a police spouse and counselor with a passion for educating new first responder couples. She and I sat down and had a conversation on some of those basics that new and tenured police couples need to know.
Home - Found Therapy Services
Moral Injuries are a significant yet often unrecognized issue among first responders. Understanding what a moral injury is and recognizing its potential impact on careers and families is crucial to their overall wellness.
In this episode, Judy Couwels talks about what moral injuries are, how to recognize them, and how to combat their impact.
The First Responder Mental Health, "The Clinician's Guide
Communication and connection are a challenge for all of us in law enforcement relationships. There are some extra special challenges when you're on call all the time or you're in situations where you just can't talk due to being in a special assignment such as undercover work or maybe the part of a SWAT team.
Heather Williams, a law enforcement professional, turned police psychologist, and SWAT spouse talks about the unique challenges of special units, their impact on relationships and strategies to communicate and connect.
Premier First Responder Psychological Services
Premier1streponder.com
heather@premierfirstresponder.com.
“I just don't want to burden my spouse with what I experience on the job” is a way of protecting the people that you love. I always thought my husband was open only to find out later that this happened a few times within our relationship. Most of the time an officer's spouse and family sense that something is up. It bleeds over.
While protecting the family is noble, it is also a way that an officer can avoid talking about difficult things. Our relationships need to involve trust. Officers, trust that your spouse can handle what you are sharing, and as a spouse trust that an officer will navigate that line between sharing and traumatizing. This week, law enforcement couple Brett and Danielle Koss joined me to discuss developing a reciprocal relationship of trust and understanding.
CCS Behavioral Health and Recovery (ccswebsite.org)
We have all worked in a toxic work environment due to the workplace culture, co-workers, supervisors, or the work itself.
Stephanie Kiesow is a former law enforcement officer, cop kid, and cop’s wife. She saw how work impacted her parents, their mood, and in turn the family. She started her career in law enforcement at 18 and in 2011, when her fiancé had a pending IA, lost him to death by suicide. This kicked off what Stephanie calls her obsessive curiosity about suicide and how the workplace contributes to the permanent decision.
Stephanie is currently working on her PhD in Organizational psychology. Through her research and education, she found contributing workplace factors that impact mental health and cause death in a perceptual sense or literal sense and coined the term workicide.
Stephanie’s goal is to help people mitigate a work-related decline in their mental health and increase their overall well-being so they can enjoy work and love life. She has written the book Workicide to help others do just that.
This is a deep topic but you will want to hear her research and her solutions for our law enforcement culture.
LinkedIn: Stephanie K.
Workicide: How to Overcome a Career-Related Decline in Mental Health and Reignite Your Passion for Work and Life.
Burnout — Code4Couples
Beyond the Badge — Code4Couples
In this podcast episode, host Cyndi Doyle interviews John Blumenthal, a Retired Master Sergeant (Ret.) with the Oklahoma City Police Department. Blumenthal shares his personal journey of struggling with trauma and making poor choices, which led to the deterioration of his relationships with his family. He emphasizes the importance of prioritizing wellness and seeking help. He discusses his involvement in peer support and wellness programs, including his work with the Warriors Rest Foundation and the National Cops Program. Blumenthal encourages law enforcement officers to seek support and make positive choices to improve their well-being and relationships.
Essential Skills for Law Enforcement Couples: Free Guide john@warriorsrestfoundation.org.
Warriors Rest Foundation
COPS
Code4Couples: Get Updates on Latest Podcasts and Resources!
We all know that this lifestyle means long hours and lots of stress. Loss of sleep only impacts stress further. When does stress become burnout?
Burnout is oftentimes a precursor to more serious mental health issues. If we could catch burnout or even work to prevent burnout, officers would be safer on the job and relationships are potentially more stable. If spouses could catch burnout, they might continue to have patience and compassion. With burnout, we all wear a little thin.
How do we identify burnout? How is law enforcement burnout unique? What can we do if we already realize we are in burnout? How can we reverse the impact?
Deana Kahle, LMFT, shares her story of burnout after serving to support mass multiple incidents. She shares the impact, her story of recovery, and how you can address it if you are amid burnout or want to prevent it.
The Story of the Boy and the Starfish
@Copshrink
aboveboardconsulting.com.
Copshrink911@gmail.com
Katie Bingner is a counselor in Maryland, a law enforcement spouse, and a communications coach for law enforcement couples. I just assumed that her wife worked in Maryland. I was wrong. She works in Washington, DC. That led me to ask about January 6th and come to find out, her wife was in the thick of it. What started as an interview about connection and communication in law enforcement couples ended up being a conversation about how they were both impacted by the incident on January 6th. Katie talks about how their previous struggles that almost tore them apart made them stronger as a couple. It's something that she now credits with helping them to understand what they each needed as they moved through the trauma and multiple officers' suicides as a result of the January 6th insurrection.
Katiebingner.com
There is a holiday song that always makes my husband and I laugh. It is Bob Rivers singing "The Twelve Pains of Christmas," and it's funny because it is sadly and hilariously true. The lyrics are the first thing about Christmas that's such a pain to me and he goes through a list. The first one is finding a Christmas tree, rigging up the lights, and hangovers. The fourth one is sending Christmas cards, five months of bills, and the sixth one is facing in-laws. He goes through other stressors as well like finding gifts, crying kids, charity donations, crowds, parking, you get the point. We all know that the holidays can be stressful and overwhelming. Let's add on the pressure for families to magically get along and you have a very dysfunctional bow on a very stressful holiday package.
There can be conflict within your own family around supporting law enforcement, pressures to visit people, making the perfect dinner, and looking just so perfect for that event that you have to go to. At times, family and friends don’t really understand that you as an officer, or your spouse can't just survive on two hours of sleep to go to that family dinner or be present at the exact time that everybody's getting together.
So how do you get through the holiday without overwhelming anxiety or anger?
How do you be with people who know just the right thing to say to trigger you?
Maybe you wind up feeling incredibly small or maybe you want to blow up and tell them off?
How do you support your spouse when you know that they're triggered by your family or theirs?
Let's talk about some of the conversations to have as a couple and how you can learn to respond to those people who know how to push your buttons so you can get through your own happy holiday.
You may or may not know who Dr. Ellen Kirschman is, but you’ve certainly been impacted by her. I think of Ellen as the godmother of police psychology. She has paved the way for many counselors and spouses with her books, I Love A Cop and Counseling Cops. She was one of the first, if not the first, to offer workshops for spouses to understand their officer. She's passionate about helping officers heal from trauma and continues to volunteer her time to do just that. In my interview with Ellen, I get her thoughts on how the blue family has changed over the years, trauma, PTSD, her books, and her love for writing fiction mystery novels based upon the stories and experiences she has had in the police world.
Ellen Kirschman Ph.D. | Psychology Today United Kingdom
Treating Traumatic Stress in First Responders | Psychology Today United Kingdom
How Family Retreats Can Help Law Enforcement Families Heal | Psychology Today United Kingdom
Married to a Cop? Their Stress Can Become Yours | Psychology Today United Kingdom
Visit Ellen Kirschman, The Cop Doc and sign up for her newsletter to stay up to date on all new activity.
I Love A Cop
Counseling Cops
Visit Amazon.com for all of Dr. Ellen Kirschman’s fiction mystery novels!
Before I met Allison Uribe, I came across her book, Cuffs and Coffee: A Devotional for Wives of America's Law Enforcement Officers. When we met in 2019 at a conference in Ohio where we were both speaking, I realized that Allison was not only a lot of fun but that she had grit. She will fess up to not handling situations the best way possible early on in her relationship and that she and her husband haven’t always had smooth sailing in their marriage. What saved her relationship was when she started walking her “faith walk.” She realized she needed to behave differently in her marriage and when she turned to faith, it impacted her and then her husband. Today Allison shares her story of struggle and how faith changed her and now allows her to impact many others in law enforcement as a Chaplain in San Antonio.
Because I'm Suitable
Cuffs and Coffee: A Devotional for Wives of America's Law Enforcement Officers.
wivesondutyministries@gmail.com
Wives On Duty Ministries | Facebook
No one I know is more out in our community as a dual law enforcement couple sharing their story than Cathy and Javier Bustos. I interviewed them several years ago on episode 46 when they were both still working in law enforcement and growing with their company, That Peer Support Couple. They shared their unique lens on being an officer and a spouse to each other. Now they've both retired and I wanted to find out what it has been like for them as officers and spouses in retirement.
www.cathyandjavi.com cathyandjavi@gmail.com cbustos@warriorsrestfoundation.org javier@warriorsrestfoundation.org
@thatpeersupportcouple
Warrior's Rest Foundation – Helping First Responders Build Resilience through Trust and Courage (warriorsrestfoundation.org)
Angels on the Horizon
The holiday season can be challenging for any couple. For law enforcement couples, we know that it's going to bring an absence to regularly scheduled events and rituals. What can be kind of nice is the increased need for off-duty officers at shopping centers and churches, or the overtime that comes with having to work events, or the holidays themselves. That extra dump of income can be really nice and helpful, and even make the separation worth it during the holidays.
It can also get couples in trouble if they plan on the cash to catch them up with bills that they've incurred throughout the years. The OT and off -duty can also have a side effect on officers creating a safety issue and stress and conflict in your relationship.
It's important, especially during the holidays, to decide how you want to take advantage of the situation and honor how you want to celebrate and connect over the holiday season. Overtime and off -duty can be great. Just don't let it be a trap. Today, I'm rebooting one of my favorite episodes with now -retired sheriff's deputy, financial coach, and podcaster Jason Hoshauer, and his wife, Katie, as they talk about the financial trap they've found themselves in and how they recovered.
Resilience is one of those words that gets shared in our community. But, what does it mean to be resilient, and how do we get there? Resilience isn’t about “bouncing back” but arriving at the understanding that your life has shifted or changed because of what has occurred. Resilience is about making meaning from what we have experienced. In this episode of the Code4Couples®podcast, Kate Pieper, LMFT, talks about how she took her personal experiences and professional expertise to create a resilience model she calls Holding On to HAPPY.
Kate@katepieperlmft.com
The Staff Assistant Podcast: Episode 45: Kate Pieper, LMFT on Apple Podcasts
As a law enforcement officer, you spend a lot of time helping other families during and after a crisis. You spend much of your time arresting people who are driving drunk, using drugs, stealing, or other illegal activities and you've probably called people who engage in those activities "losers", "idiots", "scumbags" or other derogatory names.
Now, put yourself in a situation where, as an officer, those people are your family. Not extended family but your immediate family: your wife, husband, children, mom, dad, brother, or sister. What then? Doug Wyman, a former chief of police and law enforcement veteran of 32 years, reached out to me and said he wanted to share his story so other officers didn't feel alone. You can do your best to protect those in the community, as well as try to protect your family, but sometimes it is not in your control.
Doug shares his story of his family's struggles with drugs, sexuality, gender, mental health, and suicide, all while he was helping his community walk through theirs. Doug is honest and open regarding the details of his life so please consider this a warning if any of those topics are a trigger.
Doug Wyman: dyman1636 @gmail.com
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/douglas-wyman-6b80852a/
This week's podcast is a little bit of a spin. Adam Davis interviewed me for a conference he produced early this year. He had some good questions, so the interview was pretty alright. (HA) I asked him if I could share this interview on my podcast. Of course, he said yes.
In this interview, I talk about a few ways that the job of law enforcement can spill over and negatively impact our relationship. In this episode, I talk about:
- What struggles in communication and connection?
- How does trauma impact our connection?
- The 3 basic steps in communication.
- Benefits of perspective taking.
- A few simple ways to impact your physical intimacy.
Grab a beverage and get ready to share this with people who need to hear the basics of how law enforcement impacts their relationships.
Check out more information on the website.
Grab my FREE guide!
Grab the BOOK
There are a lot of statistics that go around with law enforcement and domestic violence. "Google 40% in Law Enforcement or maybe just the comment "40%."
Those are the comments I sometimes get in my posts or in my reels on Instagram. I know exactly what it means when I read it. They are referring to the popular statistic that 40% of Law Enforcement engage in acts of violence against their spouse or their children. What many people do not know or share to care, is that this statistic is from two research articles. One from 1991, the other from 1992. This statistic has not been able to be duplicated since that time.
October is Domestic Violence awareness month making it the perfect time to have the conversation. Not only about DV, but a real conversation about what to do if you think you or your spouse might be unintentionally crossing the line.
To help give some clarity to the line between domestic violence and bad behavior, I interviewed Tabitha Westbrook, LMFT Fellow, LCMHC, and LPC, is an expert in domestic violence and an expert witness in PTSD for this podcast.
Is It My Fault? Hope and healing for those suffering from Domestic Violence. By Lindsey Holcomb
National Domestic Violence Hotline: https://www.thehotline.org/
Tabitha’s Practice: www.thejourneryandtheprocess.com
Garrett TeSlaa, host of the Squad Room podcast and Lieutenant in Southern California, reached out to me and asked if I had done a podcast on "men’s work." I had to give him a hard time about men’s work versus women’s work, and we joked around about it, but what he really meant was what I thought. It’s easier for women to do certain things like read self -help books or talk to other women about growth and development. It’s more socially acceptable to ask for help or go to therapy when something's wrong and not working. Garrett has been in cynical and dark places before in his life, and he encourages others with his podcast. Today, Garrett discusses men’s work and his next steps in helping other first responders.
What is “Men’s Work”?
Garrett considers men’s work the chance to prioritize their personal growth and find out what they want. His involves challenging some of their current beliefs and identifying habitual patterns used to protect themselves as first responders. Garrett describes men’s work as interactive, purpose-driven, and very individual-driven with the purpose of identifying their “why” and goals which are then aligned with values and actions.
Man uncivilized: Heroes Journey: November 9-12th- Jefferson Colorado
www.manuncivilized.com/heroesjourney
Garrett TeSlaa: The importance of second responders | TED Talk
Michael Laidler is an experienced law enforcement officer and a lieutenant with the Federal Bureau of Prisons, but when you meet him, he's not LT or Lieutenant. He's Michael Laidler, Lieutenant. Along the way, he has realized that it's incredibly important to remind himself that law enforcement has a role in his life, but it is not his entire life. He believes that everyone in law enforcement needs to put themselves and then their families as a priority. He started speaking on this topic and wrote a book to help officers and others transform fatigue into fulfillment through greatness beyond the badge.
Michael@michaelalaidler.com
https://michaelalaidler.com
https://www.linkedin.com/in/michaellaidler
https://youtube.com/@MichaelLaidler
https://instagram.com/michaellaidler
https://leofirst.libsyn.com/site
https://www.facebook.com/MichaelLaidlerLeadership/
Amazon.com: Greatness Beyond the Badge: The Three Key Principles for Self-Awareness eBook : Laidler, Michael: Kindle Store
Imagine you sustain an injury on the job as an officer, an injury that takes you out of work for a while. Now, imagine what it would be like if no one in the department called to check on you. Imagine being that spouse who is taking care of the officer, still needing to work, picking up all the household duties, and still trying to physically take care of your spouse while emotionally addressing their needs. I don't know about you, but if I were that officer, I'd feel betrayed, and if I were the spouse, I would feel lonely and overwhelmed. This week, Stephanie Erb, a medically retired officer and founder of the LEO Wives Club support group, shares her story about support or lack of support that we all need to learn from.
Facebook: LEO Wives Club
You're going from call to call and there is finally a moment when things slow down. You start to realize you haven't even thought about eating, much less had time to eat on your 12 hour shift that you're now seven hours into. In fact, you're actually really hungry, but you're lunch, dinner, or whatever meal you want to call it is at the PD in the fridge and you want to eat now. Hello, Whataburger! As an officer’s spouse, I tried to pack food as an act of love for my husband. He packed his own lunch too. We did it to try to save money, yet I would see those charges for Chicken Express or Dairy Queen come through. How do we make sure that officers are taking care of their main piece of equipment, their body when there is so much happening on a shift? I brought on @Shiftworkdietician, Raina Beugelink, who explains not only what happens in the body, but how we as officers and spouses can help to ensure nutrition that sustains an officer through shifts, but also a more productive recovery from night shifts. She is incredibly passionate about supporting shift workers and their families to help them increase their energy, and improve their health because she has seen firsthand the toll that it can take on mental health, physical health, and our relationships.
Health Program for Shift Workers - Shift Work Nutrition
@shiftworkdietician
There are some people that just inspire you to be better. Kristofor Healey is one of those people. Kristofor was an award-winning special agent with the government for over 15 years, taking on some of the world's most notorious criminal organizations. He's a keynote speaker, a coach, podcast host, and the author of The Indispensable Man, which he describes as the Tactical Plan for the Modern Man. Kristofor is currently finishing up a second book, which he hopes to have out by October. Today, Kristofor and I talk about his outlook on life and philosophy, which impacts who he is today. He wants to positively impact more men to be indispensable. This is a podcast that will inspire you to do just a little better.
The Indispensable Man Podcast - Kristofor Healey
Indispensable: A Tactical Plan for the Modern Man - Kindle edition by Healey, Krisofor,. Professional & Technical Kindle eBooks @ Amazon.com.
https://www.kristoforhealey.com
www.secure-entrepreneur.com
https://www.linkedin.com/in/kristofor-healey/
https://www.instagram.com/team_healey/
https://teamneverquit.com/speakers/kristofor-healey/
As a child growing up in a police family, Katherine Boyle didn't really understand what her dad did for a living. To her, it was just her life. Looking back, she sees the things that she thinks her dad did right for her to feel safe and for them to have a close relationship to this day. Katherine is the “Lt’s daughter”. She's making waves on social media and on podcasts, sharing her and her dad's story and impacting our community by sharing those lessons. Today, she shares those lessons with us.
Beyondtheuniform.co
Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/beyondtheuniformkatherine/
Instagram: @theltsdaughter
Link to the upcoming Law Enforcement Family Group Fitness Bootcamp [Philadelphia area]:
https://www.eventbrite.com/e/law-enforcement-family-group-fitness-bootcamp-tickets-704947636357?aff=oddtdtcreator
Law Enforcement Couples Retreat: https://2crranch.com/special-events
On Thursday, September 1st 2022, I decided to go to work at the office for a couple of hours. I was texting with my husband, and we were joking around as I packed up. Then he said, “I don’t feel right, get home.” I immediately got into the car and started driving the 17 miles home. At a stoplight in town, I got a text that said, “Call 911?” I said, sure. I had no idea what was wrong. I got on the highway that led to our house and drove about 85 miles an hour all the way home to the house. The ambulance beat me by about two to three minutes. As I walked in, I saw him hooked up to an EKG machine. I really had no idea how quickly those things took readings, and I saw a look on his face that I will never forget.
The paramedic said, “We have to go now.” We had no idea what was happening at the time but later found out that not only had Bobby had a heart attack, but how close we were to losing each other. I also had no idea of how this event would impact him emotionally, nearly push him to his breaking point, how it would permanently damage his heart, or how it would impact us, as a couple, nearly tearing us apart. It was when I went to IACP in October that we would learn the statistics and how they show that cops have their first heart attacks at 57 due to the heart being impacted to the continual years of cortisol dumps. He was 56, just a statistic.
I shared in January on the podcast, that he had a health situation, but I didn't share why or what. He knew that he wanted to share his story. It's his story to tell as well as mine, and it's just taken a while for both of us to be at a place to do that. Now, on the anniversary of his heart attack, we want you to know the story. I interviewed him to share the impact and the confrontation with an old, ingrained belief of his that he was bulletproof.
Maybe this will sound familiar to you. You haven't seen each other for a while because you are working shifts and missing each other due to schedules, stress with family, work, and kids. You finally get a small amount of time together and one of you wants to make the most of this time to have sex, but as soon as you start trying to make the moves, the other one of you starts to push back saying, how can I have sex when we haven't connected? The other one of you says, but I feel connected when we have sex. Maybe this has happened so much that you feel stuck on how you move the pattern forward. Dr. Lori Watson is a certified sex therapist, the author of Wanting Sex Again, and the co-host of the Foreplay Radio podcast and is going to talk to us about how to unstick the pattern and make sex our ordinary holiday.
Podcast: Foreplay Radio- Couples and Sex Therapy
Wanting Sex Again: How to Rediscover Desire and Heal Sexual Marriages
Awakeningcenter.org
Counselingnearme.us
10 % discount for first responders in North Carolina
You finish a call, and it went well, but something's not sitting right. You feel bad, kind of guilty, or maybe even a little shameful. You see your friend that was just involved in an officer involved shooting recently, and people are going by and letting them know that it was a good shot, you know, it was a good shot. He's even been cleared. But you realize that in all the congratulations, he doesn't seem to be as pleased with himself as everybody else is pleased with him. Maybe your spouse comes home after an incident and you think, thank goodness she's alive, but she's stuck thinking about what choices she should have made that you think would've put her at risk. All of these people may be struggling with a moral injury left unaddressed. Moral injuries can lead to struggles at work and at home. Today, Lisa Duez and I talk about the types of moral injuries, what to watch for in your department and at home, and how to address them.
Turningpointva.com
Facebook and LinkedIn- Lisa Duez
There are some people I encounter that I immediately get a good vibe from. I met John Monaghan virtually on a call we were both on and he subtly mentioned that he had overcome an addiction to alcohol and spoke with passion about officer mental health and the impact on the family. I mentioned something about vulnerability and taking off emotional armor on the call and he wrote in the chat that he loved Brene Brown. I thought to myself…. Who is this guy?!?! Then I found his TEDx talk about police reform starting in the therapist’s office. The more I read about this retired police chief and former state trooper, the more I wanted him to come on and share his story. Today, I speak with John and his wife Tricia, about his recognition of his problem with alcohol and the growth that came from recovery individually and as a couple.
Deep Blue Compass
john@deepbluecompass.com
@Triciamonaghan
TEDx Talk: Why Successful Police Reform Must Start in the Therapist's Office
If you’re an officer, you may find yourself using compartmentalization to stay focused and act in stressful situations. As spouses, we want our officers and first responders to be able to utilize this skill because it keeps them attentive and safe. However, compartmentalization can have some unintended fallout in terms of the ability to feel present and connected in our relationships. Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, Rose Kormanyos, works with medical couples helping them to understand the benefit of compartmentalization and how to reengage with their emotions in order to increase connection and intimacy in their relationships. Rose shares how she does this so you can compartmentalize when you need to at work and be able to come home and connect.
Ohio: www.redwoodcounselingcincinnati.com
California (Coming soon): www.redwoodcouplescounseling.com
YouTube Channel: https://www.youtube.com/@rosekormanyosLMFT
Still Face Experiment: The Research: The Still Face Experiment (gottman.com)
The most popular idea that couples have regarding relationships seems to be the five love languages. I've heard many couples talk about knowing their own love languages and some even know their partner's love language. If each other’s love languages are known, one would think your relationship’s needs would be met, but that is not always the case. What the heck could be the problem? It's true that if we pay attention to each other's love language, it positively impacts our relationship. It becomes a problem when they become transactional. Let's talk about how this happens and what to do about it.
5lovelanguages.com
Hold the Line: The Essential Guide to Protecting Your Law Enforcement Relationship
All right, raise your hand if you sometimes find yourself scrolling on Amazon and adding a few things to your cart. Or maybe you find yourself really focused on wanting to take that next big trip or get that new gun or fishing pole. Maybe you just get tired of cooking and order takeout, maybe a little too much. Some of those impulse decisions can lead to money stress later on. Law enforcement couples deal with a ton of stress from the job and when finances aren't managed in a healthy way, this can add additional stress and bleed over into the job and be distracting for officers.
Financial stress is one of the largest stressors in marriage and relationships. Stressors from money and debt can impact our own emotional health. When couples work together as a team and open up conversations about money, they start to create control around finances and use money to create their ideal life instead of causing stress. Today, Courtney from Heroes Financial Coaching talks to us about how to do just that.
Police, Firefighters and Military Money | Heroes Financial Coaching
Heroes Financial Coaching (@heroesfinancialcoaching) • Instagram photos and videos
Many of you know that I'm not a parent. Even though I wasn't able to have the personal experience of raising a child in a law enforcement family, I often feel confident when fielding questions regarding the impact on children. However, I do seek out people that have firsthand knowledge, experience, stories, and expertise so that you as a parent can feel seen and connected with others. Lisa Duez is a law enforcement spouse, mom, and mental health clinician. Today, Lisa and I chat casually about how being a law enforcement family can impact children and some of her parenting experiences along the way.
Turningpointva.com
Facebook and LinkedIn- Lisa Duez
My husband and I often have struggles, frustrations, and miscommunication. When we're talking, we may miss what the other person is wanting or needing in order to connect. Many times, I want to go deeper into something, and he tells me there's not anything deeper to be said. He will sometimes make what I think is a controversial statement and my response is to kind of roll my eyes. What I didn't know until this interview is that we're trying to connect in a way that's typical for our gender and the way we're cultured. In the limited time we have as law enforcement couples, it's always beneficial to see the signs that your spouse is trying to connect.
Kristal DeSantis talks about the concept of the four positions of conversation which can greatly enhance communication and strengthen relationships among first responders and their partners.
Strong.love
@atxtherapist
Strong, A Relationship Field Guide for the Modern Man.
There are all kinds of challenges in our relationships as law enforcement and first responder couples. The time away from each other can cause our insecurities to arise and create negative stories about why your spouse really isn't answering the phone, what they're doing with their time away from you, or why that connection just doesn't feel as strong as it once did. Our stories impact the emotional trust between us and can become toxins that create conflict and disconnection. Today I talk with Kristal DeSantis, author of Strong, A Relationship Field Guide for the Modern Man. Kristal brings to us her experience as a first responder spouse of 13 years, as well as her system for building a proactive approach to increase trust in your relationship through her Four S's to create relationship safety.
Strong.love
@atxtherapist
In the first responder world, the spouse is most often the one left at home to pick up the pieces while the officer is on shift. The impact of the career can force a spouse to become fiercely independent in unexpected areas of a relationship. Between shift work, extra duty jobs, and on call shifts, there isn’t much of a choice, BUT independence doesn’t mean disconnection! Does this independence and its accompanied behaviors spillover into the relationship much like the spillover from the job? The answer is yes, however, there is a way to combat both types of spillover. This is about being warriors for our relationships and I know by the end of the podcast, Dana will leave you with something to apply in your relationship.
Instagram and Facebook: Full Life Counseling LLC
Flcinaz.com
In our everyday interactions, communication plays a vital role in how we connect with others. It shapes our relationships, influences our understanding, and defines our experiences. At times, we can find ourselves in situations where we struggle to convey our thoughts, emotions, and needs effectively to others. Add in the conditioning from the job and communication at home becomes even more difficult.
Developing effective communication skills is more than just words, active listening, and validating feelings. It’s understanding what is going on in our brains and why we do some of the things we do when we are not heard.
Today, Adam Neff discusses why developing communication skills to increase relationship outcomes is essential, and how our experiences in emergency services impact our ability to communicate.
Do you ever feel like you are walking on eggshells at home to avoid conflict in your first responder relationship? Your eggshells may grow and layer on top of each other until both people address the conflict AND the eggshells. We need to learn how to get past those eggshells and what your role and responsibility in creating that for your relationship can be.
In Brene Brown’s book, Rising Strong, she talks about living B.I.G. "What boundaries do I need to set and follow, to work and act from a place of integrity so that I extend the greatest generosity when it comes to interpreting others' intentions and actions."
In this encore episode, let's apply this concept to eggshells.
Rising Strong
A couple of episodes ago, I introduced you to wellness coach and law enforcement wife Katie Ouzounian with Episode 106: Are Values Driving Your Relationship? During one of our chats, she mentioned words to me that made me cringe. Self-care. Try telling an LEO spouse who is managing two to three kids, working full-time, has a spouse working undercover night shifts, investigation, or on call 24/7 that they need to “take time for themselves and practice self-care” Try telling an officer who is working their regular duties and picking up extra duty shifts to “take some time out.” This lifestyle is not cut out for bubble baths, massages, yoga kind of self-care lifestyle. When Katie told me she wanted to talk about a different approach to self-care, I said to “bring it on” as a challenge for her to convince me otherwise. She did just that.
To get in touch with Katie visit: toughrootswellness.com
Angela Duckworth: Grit: The Power of Passion and Perseverance: Duckworth, Angela: 9781501111105: Amazon.com: Books
Rick Hansen- Positive neuroplasticity: The Positive Neuroplasticity Training (rickhanson.net)
Atomic Habits: Atomic Habits: An Easy & Proven Way to Build Good Habits & Break Bad Ones: Clear, James: 9780735211292: Amazon.com: Books
As a law enforcement officer or spouse, you know that trauma has the potential to impact you as a parent. When raising a child in this lifestyle you are aware that they will be impacted as well. However, when children are impacted, they can't always communicate or understand what's going on. Situations that may not impact us as adults with adult brains can impact children in greater ways or ways that we might not be aware of.
Today, Chad Bruckner talks about his mission to help officers and law enforcement families understand how this lifestyle is impacting families and their children.
LinkedIn: Chad Michael Brucker
Podcast: The Breaking Badge Show
Everyday People with Chad Bruckner
You may have heard me talk about how if we don't pay attention, we can wind up off course in this lifestyle. The sacrifices that you make as an officer or as a spouse are more than just your time. We wind up slipping away from our values. Family is number one, yet there is so much time away from the family and when we are together, the impact from the job spills over and still keeps us disconnected. We want to get outdoors, but to our exhaustion, we just watch tv. We want to be adventuresome, but dealing with people sounds horrible and anxiety provoking.
I strongly believe that we have to keep our values in focus, or we wind up being people that we don't recognize or like and being a couple that we don't intend to be. Today, wellness coach and law enforcement spouse, Katie Ouzounian and I talk about how understanding and staying in alignment with your values, has an impact on your mental well-being.
Many times, couples, officers, or spouses, have different aspects that drive our lives and at times, we can let the job drive us instead of us being in the driver's seat. This can impact values and wellness.
Tough Roots Wellness
@toughroots
Brene Brown Dare to Lead-List of Values
Your Life in Process
For years, my hubby and I thought and talked about what it would be like when we finally crossed the finish line into retirement. In fact, I had a countdown app on my phone that I started long ago that would tell me when the date would be when he would be eligible for retirement. We leaned on that a lot when we were tired, frustrated, or irritated about the job. I see posts of people saying, six more years, five more years, 12 more years. I also have couples that tell me in session about how much time they have left in the field. While we all look forward to that day of retirement, knowing that our officer or you are home safe. There is a transition into the civilian world. Things you may know and think about and things you may just not or don't. For the most part, most of us are not going to deal with post-traumatic stress injuries or suicidal ideation, but there is a transition for both officer and spouse.
I absolutely, completely underestimated my adjustment to his retirement.
Today I talk with psychologist, department doc, and spouse of a retired officer, Medina Baumgart about transitioning into retirement from a professional and a personal perspective. We talk about what retirement is like for both officers and spouses, how spouses can help with the transition, and how you can make sure as a couple that you are surviving and thriving through retirement.
@bluelinebehavorialhealth
Law enforcement and first responders are not destined to walk away with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). They are, however, more likely to struggle with PTSD than the general population. As a spouse, you may be impacted by a situation or an incident and struggle with trauma yourself. Or maybe you're concerned or worried about your officer as you see them continually impacted day in and day out. There is absolutely no reason for someone struggling with post-traumatic stress to suffer and continue to struggle. There are no honors or awards given for struggling in silence.
Treatment for PTSD has come a long way. There are multiple types of treatments that are evidence-based that can help resolve PTSD without years of therapy. Evidence shows that the impact of trauma is less when you address it timely, but even old traumas can heal with effective therapy.
Today I am speaking with Johanna Wender, who specializes in working with law enforcement and PTSD. We talk about trauma, PTSD, and the treatment options available for you to heal quickly from trauma or a critical incident.
First Responder Counseling King County - Bravura Counseling
A couple of episodes ago, I gave you the first part of my interview with Kelli Lowe. We talked about how Kelli showed up as an advocate in her local community and department after the events of Ferguson occurred. She is also a national advocate for policing and goes to Washington DC with other wives to lobby for benefits and legislation to protect our officers and blue family.
As spouses, we need to be aware of legislation on a national level that could affect our departments on a local level. Reading through political jargon to understand bills and laws can be difficult. Add in stress from a critical incident or the impact of the career and they become impossible to decipher.
In this interview, Kelli shares some of the legislation in the works and motivates us to show up as a community to make change happen.
nationalpolicewivesofficial.org
Being a new law enforcement spouse can be difficult. There can be feelings of apprehension and fear every time your partner walks out the door. Many times, it can leave spouses feeling like this wasn’t what they signed up for. Jen Gudat felt this exact way as her husband transitioned from being a reserve police officer for free on the weekends to a full-time officer with a metropolitan police department. There was an adjustment period for her family to adapt to shift work, missed family dinners, and school activities. Eventually, spouses get used to the impact of the career because you have to figure out how to let your officer walk out of the door every shift. It’s something you get accustomed to, You don’t have a choice. Jen, like many others, experienced and dealt with the impact of the career, but nothing can prepare anyone for the impact of a critical incident.
Trigger warning: before listening to this podcast or reading the show notes, please be aware that the content discussed involves sexual abuse and suicide.
Adam is a former law enforcement officer and an FBI-trained hostage negotiator. He knows the challenges that law enforcement officers face in their careers and holding their relationships and personal lives together. He left law enforcement in 2015 and devoted his time to creating tools and resources to impact the minds and souls of law enforcement officers, spouses, and relationships. He has written several books to support law enforcement relationships and officers' minds as well. Spirituality is a big part of his life, but it's also really grounding. He has a new book coming out, called Unconquered.
In today’s show notes, Adam talks about how he was able to overcome the impact his trauma had on his career and relationships and what led him to write, Unconquered.
To download a free chapter of Adam’s new book Unconquered and The Unconquered Code, visit: theadamdavis.com
@officialadamdavis
Bulletproof Marriage
In episode 100 Cyndi reflects on the journey from 2017 with her first podcast to now. To celebrate this milestone, Cyndi’s husband, Bobby, interviews her and asks his questions as well as those submitted by the law enforcement community. Listen in to see if your question was answered!
Hold the Line: The Essential Guide to Protecting Your Law Enforcement Relationship
We've heard the common story of an officer-involved situation and the occupational stress injury that follows, which commonly leads to suffering in silence. This particular story diverges when a wife decided she'd had enough and threw a book at her husband. That moment woke up this officer to see the impact that he was having on his family and himself. It led to a singular decision that guided him on a journey of recovery and resilience, including authoring a book and starting a company with his wife to assist other officers and first responders. Today, Gary and Colette Benoit share their story and journey with some simple principles that will impact you as an officer and a spouse.
Benoitwellnessconsulting.com
benoitwellnessconsulting@gmail.com
Instagram: @BWC and @thefrontlinereiliencyproject
A call for service: overcoming adversity through resilience sold on Amazon
Mental effects of being a first responder spouse - Blue Line
When people are struggling, it's hard to ask for help. As an officer or spouse in law enforcement, we often think we need to be strong, which makes asking for help even harder. As officers climb the ranks, asking for assistance can be almost nonexistent. There tends to be a focus on making sure that those you supervise, or support are okay and ultimately, you put your emotions and feelings aside.
As departments and the law enforcement community continue to admit that there are many struggles with mental health, there needs to be a shift in leadership to admit they are human and also struggle.
This doesn’t need to be an announcement of struggles, but rather a conversation with those that matter the most and can support you, including spouses. How do leaders and command staff allow themselves to become more human and retain authority and the confidence of their troops?
Jonni Reddick, a former assistant chief with the California Highway Patrol, shares her story as a leader and an officer of 29 years and her call to action to current law enforcement leaders.
Survival Guide to Law Enforcement Personnel Preparation and Black, White, and Blue, Surviving the Sifting.
Leadership and Promotional Development - JLConsulting Solutions
The impact of being exposed to the negative side of the world day in and day out takes a toll on law enforcement and their spouses. We become more cynical and push past emotions to be able to keep showing up. If you're a spouse, there is an expectation to put any fears aside and let them walk out the door. We can start to lose our humanness. That is exactly what happened to Scott Medlin. He now shares his story about the impact of his journey as an officer and how he, and you, can get your humanness back.
To contact Scott visit: Thescottmedlin.com
Scott has also written, "The Mental Health Fight of the Heroes in Blue” “101 Health Tips for Police Officers” “Truths Beyond the Police Academy” and “101 Useful Tips for Rookie Police Officers: Be safe, Stay Healthy, Perform Great.”
They are available for purchase on Amazon or other online retailers.
Kelli Lowe is a national speaker, advocate, and one of the first people that her local department calls during crisis situations. She is a valuable member of our blue family community for many reasons. Kelli serves as a Board member of the National Police Wives Association, and advocates nationwide for law enforcement. She is an LEO wife who has had a unique experience with the culture of law enforcement as a black woman. Through her advocacy and determination, she was able to influence and inspire the law enforcement community during the Ferguson events.
You hear your spouse's phone ding, and you lean over just to catch the first couple of lines of the text message coming in. You unintentionally read it, but after you do, your heart stops.
Your stomach sinks.
You feel sick.
You realize they've been unfaithful.
Your world stops.
Between shifts, stress, and sleep, connection can be challenging in law enforcement relationships. The challenge with connection can lead to problems with intimacy and sexual relationships. Affairs start as a slow slide and if you want to know more about what that is, listen to episode 79 about emotional affairs.
What do you do when you find out about an affair, or you've had an affair?
How do you recover?
Can you recover?
Shannon Brown, a Licensed Marriage Family Therapist, affair recovery coach, and law enforcement spouse talks about what to do after affairs are revealed.
Website: https://www.reconnectedrelationship.com/
Instagram: @reconnected_relationship
As an officer or a spouse, there is a mutual agreement to make personal commitments and sacrifices when entering a career in law enforcement. Many couples do not realize the health risks or the emotional harm that could come with the job. When you add the social and political situation over the last several years, the impact of low recruiting numbers, and potential safety risks due to being short on shifts or required overtime, the impact is making many consider retirement.
There are many different factors to consider when retiring or leaving law enforcement that many people do not consider. Do you transition into a career that has nothing to do with law enforcement? Do you just pick up a hobby? Retirement or transitioning looks different for everyone, but everyone needs to put time and effort into preparing. Do NOT wait to prepare until you are at retirement!
Nicole Davison, a career counselor, helps law enforcement officers and couples understand the steps they need to transition to retirement
Website: https://www.nmdcareers.com/
Instagram: @nmdcareers
When our communication or connection breaks down, it can break down our sexual drive or our sexual connection with each other. When our sexual connection breaks down, it can also spill over and impact the rest of the relationship. It's difficult for us to talk about sex. Most couples don't have regular sexual conversations. When couples are so uncomfortable talking about sex with each other or other people, it winds up impacting their relationship. With the added struggles of stress, sleep, and trauma that law enforcement couples or first responder couples deal with, it can be difficult to be able to connect and find time to have sexual intimacy.
These same struggles can also lead to sexual dysfunction or erectile dysfunction, which in turn becomes shameful and impacts our connection and our relationship. Dr. Heather England, sexologist and sex therapist, talks about how we as first responder and law enforcement couples can keep the fires burning and keep our sexual relationship.
Website: www.lovefilledlife.com
Link to ED Course: https://www.lovefilledlife.com/erectile-dysfunction-masterclass
Coupon code: code4couples10 good for 10% off any course through 6/1/2023
Questions for Heather, email her at: lovefilledlife143@gmail.com
Policing changes you. I was told early on that policing would change my husband, and that was just the way it was. His career would impact him and together, we would just have to accept that fact. It was like hearing that he had a permission slip to behave however he wanted because of policing. Are we both officers and spouses going to be impacted by policing? Of course. Does that mean we have to take it sitting down? No. We can make decisions to be aware of the impact and at any time start to self-direct our course. That is exactly what John Kelly did. He shares his story of unhealthy coping skills, his downward spiral, the impact on his career and family, and how he recognized he needed to stop blaming others and take responsibility for his own self-inflicted wounds.
If you want to get ahold of John Kelly, visit lawenforcementlifecoach.com
Johns book, Surviving Self-Inflicted Wounds, A Deputy's Life of Redemption is available on online retailers.
Toward the end of December and the beginning of January, I approached my husband a couple of different times with New Year's resolution types of conversation. I mentioned 3-4 times that I wanted to talk about something regarding that idea. I was asking questions like “What’s your vision?” “Do you have any goals?” “What’s your word for the year?” and it was met with a flat response. My mom always used to tell me if you don't know where you are going, you will wind up where you have been. She taught me to set goals and I feel a little uneasy when I don't have a direction. I wanted that for our relationship as well. I’m going to share with you the conversation we landed on and how you can course direct your relationship.
In this podcast you will learn about five different ways that you can course direct your law enforcement relationship.
Grab my book, Hold the Line: The Essential Guide to Protecting your Law Enforcement Relationship on online retailers. Grab the workbook at www.holdthelinebook.com
As we start the new year, fitness, and “New year, New me” is a focus for many. We all know how important being physically fit is for officer safety, but how does exercising and meal prep fit into their limited off time? Does this impact their relationship with family? I’ve heard complaints from spouses about hyperfocus, how working out feels more important than family and takes time away, separate meal planning which contributes to the feeling of separation again, supplements, and tailoring of uniform shirts.
I also know it is important for the physical and mental health of officers.
Is Fitness a friend or foe?
To answer that question, I brought Adam Haidary on the podcast. Adam is a former law enforcement officer and owner of Effective Fitness Training explains how fitness can strengthen your relationship while also improving your physical and mental health.
Nick Daughtery realized that financial health is an officer safety issue.He is a retired Sergeant from the Grand Prairie Police Departmentand now owns and works for FinancialCop,the largest wellness training group in the country, as well as one of the largest law enforcement-owned and operated fiduciary-only financial planning firms.He teachesall over the country to helpofficers have financial health and wealth,2500 first responders from over 3000 agencies nationwide andcurrently has 136 classes booked in 17 states just this year alone.
Today he talks with me about how savings, strategy and safety all relates to financial wellness in Law Enforcement.
Cyndi Doyle LPCS and LEO wife updates you with where she has been and what has been going on in her life. Part of the story involves her husband, Bobby Doyle, and she needed and wanted to extend some time to him until he was okay with sharing. She doesn't share all the details, but he agreed that he needs to share his story at some point in time and the impact it had on him. He's not ready yet, but he will at some point. What she does share is that he had a major medical issue tangentially related to his career. He's okay. In fact, he's better than okay physically, so stick around for just a few minutes and allow Cyndi to tell the story and then give you an update on Code4Couples.
What is an extreme event and how do you handle them when they occur?
As schools have started the new school year, Uvalde has been on my mind. When Dr. Katherine Kuhlman offered to come on and talk about mass events, I moved to get her on the podcast. She has been speaking on national media outlets about these events and the impact on communities and law enforcement. It's possible that this one may be triggering. Today, Katie discusses the impact of these events on law enforcement families and how to move through them successfully.
Curmudgeon: a bad tempered person, especially an old person. This episode is a conversation with Cyndi and her husband Lt. Bobby Doyle (Ret.) where Bobby admits he is a recovering curmudgeon. Bobby shares his story of why he needed to make a change. His old school mindset needed to shift into one based off the needs of the younger generation of officers as well as the impact the curmudgeon had on his marriage. Bobby offers solutions on finding the joys in life after witnessing the bad and evil around him by taking his emotional armor off when appropriate.
From a crusty old guy to mental health mentor, listen in to Bobby's story.
Hold the Line: The Essential Guide to Protecting Your relationship.
Code4Couples
Behaviors that keep officers safe of the job can have negative impact on relationships with those they love.
The command presence that officers must have on the job is conditioned and can occur at home in certain situations.
This episode is a conversation with Cyndi and her husband Bobby (ret). They share not only information about how authoritarian spillover presents at home but how, why, and the impact in their own relationship.
Cyndi and Bobby offer several solutions so you can negate the impact in your own relationship.
Cyndi is a licensed professional counselor specializing in law enforcement and other first responders.
Hold the Line: The Essential Guide to Protecting Your relationship.
Code4Couples Essential Skills Guide
Parenting is hard. It can be even harder when you are trying to parent in a Law Enforcement Family. Our officer's brain needs time to come down from the hypervigilance high that keeps them safe on the job. Their authoritarian mindset that keeps a scene under control during shift needs to shift to one that is condusive to a parenting approach. During today's episode, I have brought on Lynn McLean to help us understand how officers can have better relationships with their kids, understand the impact of the reactions, and help both parent’s approach those frustrating situations differently. Learntoparent.net
Cyndi Doyle, LPCS and LEO Wife talks about issues that impact law enforcement relationship issues. This week is an encore episode of Shut Out and Shut Down Communication. Learn what causes the communication pattern and how to address it in your law enforcement relationship.
Hold the Line: The Essential Guide to Your Law Enforcement Relationship (Click here to buy)
Free Workbook click here
IG: code4couples
For speaking or training click here
We experience different types of grief as law enforcement couples, including the grief of the life we may have dreamed such as having dinner and holidays together. You may be grieving the support of a community or safety you once felt. You may be also grieving the death of an officer you know personally or in the community. For that reason, I have brought on Jill Johnson- Young, the grief guru. Jill is a LCSW, former hospice and child welfare worker that has worked very closely with law enforcement officers. Professionally and personally, Jill has seen grief firsthand. In this podcast, we talk about grief and support beyond thoughts, prayers, and casseroles. About Me (jilljohnsonyoung.com)
Communication can be difficult when you never see each other, deal with hypervigilance, and stress. Cyndi give you 5 easy communication hacks to keep you connected through the ups and downs. Be sure to check out the free download at holdthelinebook.com Check out other episodes at code4couples.com Pick up the book Hold the Line on Amazon or any online retailer.
You notice you spouse texting and smiling. You lean over and notice it's someone from the opposite sex. You start to wonder if their relationship is more than just friends. In a environment that has the potential to leave us feeling lonely and disconnected, it is important that the connection is not filled outside of our relationships. In this episode, Cyndi talks about the slow slide of friendship turned emotional affair. Find out if your friendships with the opposite sex is really more than "just friends".
Do you want to make sure your law enforcement relationship is strong enough to endure the ups and downs of life and the career? Cyndi shares the 5 essentials skills that skills that every law enforcement couple needs to have to stay connected and resilient! code4couples.com
Kelly Lynch, EMT, Nutritionist, and Licensed Clinical Social Worker talks with Cyndi about the pros and cons of dual first responder relationships, smashing the stigma of struggles after calls, and nutrition essential for all first responders.
Feeling lonely is often felt and talked about by police spouses but officers often talk about the loneliness they feel as well. The holidays seems to increase loneliness in both due. Guest Rebecca Lynn, Proud Police Wife, and Cyndi talk about how to conquer loneliness as a couple in this episode.
Michael Sugrue, a retired police Sergeant with the City of Walnut Creek CA with over 14 years of service encountered a situation that was not only tragic, but it was a call for duty that changed his life forever. He found himself in reckless abandon and on the verge of self-destruction until he mustered the courage to ask for help. Michael tells his story of survival recovery and healing after a deadly force incident and wants others to know that they are not alone.
A shift in mindset can help officer's mental health, their relationship, and impact other officers around them. Garrett TeSlaa, from The Squad Room Podcast, talks about his struggles with his thinking and physical health, how his mindset was impacted by a community coming together during the Montecito Debris Flow, and how his mission to impact other officers to shift there mindset through BADGES.
Hold the Line: The Essential Guide for Protecting your Law Enforcement Relationship is the book to help both officers and spouses understand the psychological impact of law enforcement on them and their relationship. Cyndi and her husband Bobby talk about why she wrote the book and how he was impacted both by the book but years of enduring Cyndi's "therapizing".
October is Domestic Violence awareness month making it the perfect time to have the conversation. Not only about domestic violence, but a real conversation about what to do if you think you or your spouse might be unintentionally crossing the line. To help give some clarity to the line between domestic violence and bad behavior, I interviewed Tabitha Westbrook, LMFT Fellow, LCMHC, and LPC, is an expert in domestic violence and an expert witness in PTSD for this podcast.
Culture and politics continue to take a toll on law enforcement officers and their spouses. There are serious mental health issues that stem from the ongoing negativity from the world around us. In this episode, Cyndi addresses the serious and prevalent nature of low compassion satisfaction and high compassion fatigue, its' impact on the officer and spouse, and how to counter the impact.
This is Part 2 of our conversation with Lt. Col. Dave Grossman. If you missed the first half, check out Ep 69 before listening to this episode.
In this second of two episodes with him, he shared some life hacks he's learned in his career including attacking the epidemic of sleep deprivation and simple solutions to complex problems.
Lt. Col. Dave Grossman is a retired US Army Ranger, paratrooper, former Westpoint psychology professor, owns five patents, has authored 12 books and his accolades go on and on.
Learn more about our guest at Killology.com.
- Intro and Outro music by Big State “Bad Timing / Bad Luck”
- EMDR: https://www.emdr.com/what-is-emdr/
- Sand Tray Therapy: https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-sand-tray-therapy-4589493
- Post Traumatic Stress Injury: https://www.posttraumaticstressinjury.org
- Resilience Academy: https://www.firstresponderfamilywellnesscenter.com/resilience
- OSI: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Operational_Stress_Injury
- Kim’s Contact Info:
- https://www.firstresponderfamilywellnesscenter.com
- Email: kim@firstresponderfamilywellnesscenter.com
- My website: code4couples.com
- Social Media: Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/cyndidoylelpc/
Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/cyndi_doyle/?hl=en
LinkedIn - https://www.linkedin.com/in/cyndidoylelpc/
Pinterest - https://www.pinterest.com/cyndidoylelpc/pins/
Twitter - https://twitter.com/cyndidlpc
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCo8lSBy00E7vJnmh096Svog
Edited by Taylor Schroll (Taylorschroll.com/editing)
Lt. Col. Dave Grossman is a retired US Army Ranger, paratrooper, former Westpoint psychology professor, owns five patents, has authored 12 books and his accolades go on and on.
In this first of two episodes with him, he discussed the sheepdog mentality and protecting those we love here in the present and doing all we can to protect their future.
Learn more about our guest at Killology.com.
- Intro and Outro music by Big State “Bad Timing / Bad Luck”
- EMDR: https://www.emdr.com/what-is-emdr/
- Sand Tray Therapy: https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-sand-tray-therapy-4589493
- Post Traumatic Stress Injury: https://www.posttraumaticstressinjury.org
- Resilience Academy: https://www.firstresponderfamilywellnesscenter.com/resilience
- OSI: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Operational_Stress_Injury
- Kim’s Contact Info:
- https://www.firstresponderfamilywellnesscenter.com
- Email: kim@firstresponderfamilywellnesscenter.com
- My website: code4couples.com
- Social Media: Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/cyndidoylelpc/
Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/cyndi_doyle/?hl=en
LinkedIn - https://www.linkedin.com/in/cyndidoylelpc/
Pinterest - https://www.pinterest.com/cyndidoylelpc/pins/
Twitter - https://twitter.com/cyndidlpc
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCo8lSBy00E7vJnmh096Svog
Edited by Taylor Schroll (Taylorschroll.com/editing)
Drowning in the depths of depression and sadness, burning with anger, and chained down by alcoholism, Jonathan Hickory couldn’t do anymore. After the loss of his father as a young boy, facing countless horrific death scenes in the line of duty, and the death of his son, Jonathan faced the threat of losing his job as a police officer, the loss of his wife and daughter, and contemplating suicide. In this episode Jonathan Hickory shared his story of struggling with Officer PTSD and alcoholism and resilience. Learn more about it in his book Break Every Chain.
- Intro and Outro music by Big State “Bad Timing / Bad Luck”
- EMDR: https://www.emdr.com/what-is-emdr/
- Sand Tray Therapy: https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-sand-tray-therapy-4589493
- Post Traumatic Stress Injury: https://www.posttraumaticstressinjury.org
- Resilience Academy: https://www.firstresponderfamilywellnesscenter.com/resilience
- OSI: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Operational_Stress_Injury
- Kim’s Contact Info:
- https://www.firstresponderfamilywellnesscenter.com
- Email: kim@firstresponderfamilywellnesscenter.com
- My website: code4couples.com
- Social Media: Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/cyndidoylelpc/
Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/cyndi_doyle/?hl=en
LinkedIn - https://www.linkedin.com/in/cyndidoylelpc/
Pinterest - https://www.pinterest.com/cyndidoylelpc/pins/
Twitter - https://twitter.com/cyndidlpc
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCo8lSBy00E7vJnmh096Svog
Edited by Taylor Schroll (Taylorschroll.com/editing)
- Cyndi Doyle, law enforcement officer wife and licensed professional counselor, sits down with Kim Williamson, owner of First Responder Family Wellness Center, mental health professional, and fellow LEO wife, to talk about personal PTSI (PTSD), secondary traumatic stress, the impact on Officer involved incidents on the spouse, and the practice of resilience for law enforcement officers, first responders, and their families.
- Intro and Outro music by Big State “Bad Timing / Bad Luck”
- EMDR: https://www.emdr.com/what-is-emdr/
- Sand Tray Therapy: https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-sand-tray-therapy-4589493
- Post Traumatic Stress Injury: https://www.posttraumaticstressinjury.org
- Resilience Academy: https://www.firstresponderfamilywellnesscenter.com/resilience
- OSI: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Operational_Stress_Injury
- Kim’s Contact Info:
- https://www.firstresponderfamilywellnesscenter.com
- Email: kim@firstresponderfamilywellnesscenter.com
- My website: code4couples.com
- Social Media: Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/cyndidoylelpc/
Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/cyndi_doyle/?hl=en
LinkedIn - https://www.linkedin.com/in/cyndidoylelpc/
Pinterest - https://www.pinterest.com/cyndidoylelpc/pins/
Twitter - https://twitter.com/cyndidlpc
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCo8lSBy00E7vJnmh096Svog
- Cyndi Doyle, law enforcement officer’s wife and licensed professional counselor, brings on Dr. Amy Fortney Parks to discuss the impact that this pandemic is having on our children and the anxieties that go along with that.
- Intro and Outro music by Big State “Bad Timing / Bad Luck”
- The Three Phases of Psychological Response to Crisis: Emergency, Regression, and Recovery
- Amy’s Contact Info:
Text “WISEHELP” to 66866
www.thewisefamily.com
- My website: code4couples.com
- Social Media: Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/cyndidoylelpc/
Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/cyndi_doyle/?hl=en
LinkedIn - https://www.linkedin.com/in/cyndidoylelpc/
Pinterest - https://www.pinterest.com/cyndidoylelpc/pins/
Twitter - https://twitter.com/cyndidlpc
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCo8lSBy00E7vJnmh096Svog
- Feeling black and blue is about feeling a little beat up over the last week. It's also about supporting issues related to race and supporting the law enforcement community. We can do both. In this episode, Cyndi addresses how our brain is being impacted and our flight and fight engaged, supporting officers and their spouses, education, empathy, and self-care. - https://proudpolicewife.com/ - https://www.embracerace.org/resources/26-childrens-books-to-support-conversations-on-race - https://booksforlittles.com/racial-diversity/ - https://docs.google.com/document/u/0/d/1-D3-NDhKgMsQT4bmqMyM-Y-lPf9Z3E0OELKKL2vKGhs/mobilebasic?usp=gmail - https://changingtheculturefr.com/get-educated-about-black-live-matter/
- Cyndi Doyle, law enforcement officer’s wife and licensed professional counselor, and her Darling Husband celebrated 20 years of marriage and wanted to share their first responder relationship tips they have learned over the years.
- Intro and Outro music by Big State “Bad Timing / Bad Luck”
- Top 10 Tips: 1. Be Adaptable 2. Habits and Reactions 3. Boundaries are Important 4. Enjoy Your Time Off 5. State What You Need 6. Stand In Each Other’s Shoes 7. What You See May Not Be What’s Going On 8.Take Ownership of Your Actions and Ask For Forgiveness 9. Be Willing to Have Difficult Conversations 10. It’s Okay If They’re Not Okay
- “Eggshells and Living Big” Podcast: https://code4couples.libsyn.com/episode-63-eggshells-and-living-big
- “Divorce Myth” Podcast: https://code4couples.libsyn.com/episode-60-the-divorce-myth
- My website: code4couples.com
- Social Media: Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/cyndidoylelpc/
Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/cyndi_doyle/?hl=en
LinkedIn - https://www.linkedin.com/in/cyndidoylelpc/
Pinterest - https://www.pinterest.com/cyndidoylelpc/pins/
Twitter - https://twitter.com/cyndidlpc
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCo8lSBy00E7vJnmh096Svog
- Cyndi Doyle, law enforcement officer’s wife and licensed professional counselor, talks about the effects this pandemic is having on our minds, bodies, and relationships with our first responders.
- Intro and Outro music by Big State “Bad Timing / Bad Luck”
- Brene Brown- brenebrown.com
- Aspects of Brain Reactions: Fight or Flight, Grief, Cognitive Dissidence, and Past Trauma
- Bessel Van de Kolk - https://www.besselvanderkolk.com/
- The Body Keeps Score Book - https://www.amazon.com/Body-Keeps-Score-Healing-Trauma/dp/0143127748
- 7 Aspects of Trauma – Lack of Predictability, Immobility, Loss of Connection, Numbing, Loss of Sense of Time and Sequence, Loss of Safety, and Loss of Sense of Purpose
- Solutions – Schedule/Routine, Plan Events, Move Your Body, Make a Dream Board, Play, Connection, Choose Mindfulness Over Numbing, Make Time for Privacy, Physical Touch, Be kind and Gentle
- Previous Podcasts about Breathing:
http://code4couples.libsyn.com/episode-57-yoga-for-first-responders
http://code4couples.libsyn.com/episode-58-responding-with-resilience-kate-pieper
- My website: code4couples.com
- Social Media: Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/cyndidoylelpc/
Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/cyndi_doyle/?hl=en
LinkedIn - https://www.linkedin.com/in/cyndidoylelpc/
Pinterest - https://www.pinterest.com/cyndidoylelpc/pins/
Twitter - https://twitter.com/cyndidlpc
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCo8lSBy00E7vJnmh096Svog
Bonus Podcast In this episode of Blue Line Lifestyle, host Kelli Lowe and three of her First Responder Spouse sisters: Rebecca, Cyndi, and Allison have a Conversation of Unity, sharing tips for spouses and to help families move forward during this trying time as the world deals with the trauma of COVID-19 (Coronavirus 19).
- Cyndi Doyle, law enforcement officer’s wife and licensed professional counselor, discusses how to get rid of the feeling of walking on eggshells in your relationship while applying the idea of living BIG.
- Intro and Outro music by Big State “Bad Timing / Bad Luck”
- Ellen Kirschman - https://ellenkirschman.com/
- Cooper’s Colors: https://www.bsr-inc.com/awareness-color-code-chart/
- Cooper’s Colors Podcast Episode: http://code4couples.libsyn.com/episode-13-its-not-about-the-sponge-stories-we-tell
- Brene Brown Rising Strong: https://www.amazon.com/Rising-Strong-Ability-Transforms-Parent/dp/081298580X
- Brene Brown Quote: “What boundaries do I need to set and follow to work and act from a place of integrity, so that I extend the greatest generosity when it comes to interpreting others intentions and actions?”
- Living BIG: Boundaries, Integrity, Generosity or Generous explanation
- Sponge Story Podcast Episode: http://code4couples.libsyn.com/episode-13-its-not-about-the-sponge-stories-we-tell
- My website: code4couples.com
- Social Media: Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/cyndidoylelpc/
Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/cyndi_doyle/?hl=en
LinkedIn - https://www.linkedin.com/in/cyndidoylelpc/
Pinterest - https://www.pinterest.com/cyndidoylelpc/pins/
Twitter - https://twitter.com/cyndidlpc
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCo8lSBy00E7vJnmh096Svog
- Cyndi Doyle, law enforcement officer’s wife and licensed professional counselor, brings on one of her friends, Dr. Jodie Elder, to discuss different attachment styles and how that impacts our connection with our spouses.
- Intro and Outro music by Big State “Bad Timing / Bad Luck”
- Reactions to Attachment Threats: Criticism and Withdraw
- Attachment Styles: Dismissive, Pre-Occupied, and Fearful
- Brene Brown: https://brenebrown.com/
- How to Move Towards Secure Attachment: Manage Your Own Stuff and Perception of Our Partner
- Jodie’s Handout: https://www.dropbox.com/s/aljt01jzka94i3u/Dr.%20Jodie%20Elder%20Attachment%20and%20Connection.pdf?dl=0
- Jodie’s Contact Info: Jodie_elder@hotmail.com
- My website: code4couples.com
- Social Media: Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/cyndidoylelpc/
Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/cyndi_doyle/?hl=en
LinkedIn - https://www.linkedin.com/in/cyndidoylelpc/
Pinterest - https://www.pinterest.com/cyndidoylelpc/pins/
Twitter - https://twitter.com/cyndidlpc
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCo8lSBy00E7vJnmh096Svog
- Cyndi Doyle, law enforcement officer’s wife and licensed professional counselor, sits down with her Darling Husband and chats about his 5 takeaways from Dr. Gilmartin’s Book Emotional Survival for Law Enforcement.
- Intro and Outro music by Big State “Bad Timing / Bad Luck”
- Kevin Gilmartin’s Book: https://www.amazon.com/Emotional-survival-law-enforcement-officers/dp/0971725403
- Darling Husband’s 5 Takeaways: The Job, The Whole Job, and Nothing but The Job. 2. Dealing with Hypervigilance. 3. The Burn Out. 4. What Officers Actually Control. 5. Police Work Isn’t 24/7.
- My website: code4couples.com
- Social Media: Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/cyndidoylelpc/
Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/cyndi_doyle/?hl=en
LinkedIn - https://www.linkedin.com/in/cyndidoylelpc/
Pinterest - https://www.pinterest.com/cyndidoylelpc/pins/
Twitter - https://twitter.com/cyndidlpc
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCo8lSBy00E7vJnmh096Svog
- Cyndi Doyle, law enforcement officer’s wife and licensed professional counselor, does the research to myth bust the divorce rate among law enforcement couples and hopes to give some peace of mind.
- Intro and Outro music by Big State “Bad Timing / Bad Luck”
- First Responder Mental Health Conference: https://www.backingthebluedenton.com/
- Podcast Episode with That Peer Support Couple: http://code4couples.libsyn.com/episode-46-that-peer-support-couple
- Podcast Episode with Dr. Stephanie Conn: http://code4couples.libsyn.com/episode-47-the-importance-of-resilience
- Stephanie Conn’s Book - https://www.amazon.com/Increasing-Resilience-Police-Emergency-Personnel/dp/1138643688
- Jeff Shannon Police One: https://www.policeone.com/off-duty/articles/p1-first-person-the-myths-and-realities-of-cops-and-divorce-GjJKRRC3Pzzi8H0W/
- Factors of Divorce Rate Trending Down: couples waiting to get married and co-habitation without nuptials
- Shawn McCoy and Michael Aamodt Study: https://www.semanticscholar.org/paper/A-Comparison-of-Law-Enforcement-Divorce-Rates-with-McCoy-Aamodt/499077004f2e743a7c7d88237a8eb51a7684077d
- My website: code4couples.com
- Social Media: Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/cyndidoylelpc/
Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/cyndi_doyle/?hl=en
LinkedIn - https://www.linkedin.com/in/cyndidoylelpc/
Pinterest - https://www.pinterest.com/cyndidoylelpc/pins/
Twitter - https://twitter.com/cyndidlpc
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCo8lSBy00E7vJnmh096Svog
- Cyndi Doyle, law enforcement officer’s wife and licensed professional counselor, sits down with fellow law enforcement officer wife and author, Rachel Dolcine, to discuss her book Love Behind the Blue Line and her experience being married to an officer.
- Intro and Outro music by Big State “Bad Timing / Bad Luck”
- Rachel’s Book: https://www.amazon.com/Love-Behind-Blue-Line-Stories/dp/1945464968
- Freddie Gray: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Death_of_Freddie_Gray
- IACP: https://www.theiacpconference.org/
- Sponge Story Podcast Episode: http://code4couples.libsyn.com/episode-13-its-not-about-the-sponge-stories-we-tell
- Rachel’s Contact Info:
Instagram - @racheljspeaks
@love_behind_blue_line
Facebook - @rachelspeaks
Website – http://www.compasscts.com/
- My website: code4couples.com
- Social Media: Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/cyndidoylelpc/
Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/cyndi_doyle/?hl=en
LinkedIn - https://www.linkedin.com/in/cyndidoylelpc/
Pinterest - https://www.pinterest.com/cyndidoylelpc/pins/
Twitter - https://twitter.com/cyndidlpc
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCo8lSBy00E7vJnmh096Svog
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Cyndi Doyle, law enforcement officer’s wife and licensed professional counselor, chats with her colleague and fellow first responder supporter, Kate Pieper – LMFT, about how to become a resilient individual and couple in the first responder community.
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Intro and Outro music by Big State “Bad Timing / Bad Luck”
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CISM - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Critical_incident_stress_management
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EMDR - https://www.emdr.com/what-is-emdr/
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CHP - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/California_Highway_Patrol
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CDAA - https://www.cdaa.org/
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Emotional Survival for Law Enforcement by Dr. Gilmartin - https://www.amazon.com/Emotional-survival-law-enforcement-officers/dp/0971725403
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ROP - https://www.coastlinerop.net/course-fire-science.asp
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Eric Greitens’ Book- https://www.amazon.com/Resilience-Hard-Won-Wisdom-Living-Better/dp/0544705262
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Resiliency Techniques: Gratitude, Meditation, and Community
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Brendon Burchard’s Book - https://www.amazon.com/High-Performance-Habits-Brendon-Burchard-ebook/dp/B072N6MQ5V/ref=sr_1_2?crid=NMP2C9RLOU53&keywords=brendon+burchard+books&qid=1573587311&s=digital-text&sprefix=brendon+burchard%2Cdigital-text%2C303&sr=1-2
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Tactical Breathing - http://onresilience.com/2011/06/02/tactical-breathing-can-stop-stress-on-the-spot/
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Kate’s Website: https://www.katepieperlmft.com/
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My website: www.code4couples.com
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Social Media: Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/cyndidoylelpc/
Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/cyndi_doyle/?hl=en
LinkedIn - https://www.linkedin.com/in/cyndidoylelpc/
Pinterest - https://www.pinterest.com/cyndidoylelpc/pins/
Twitter - https://twitter.com/cyndidlpc
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCo8lSBy00E7vJnmh096Svog
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Cyndi Doyle, law enforcement officer’s wife and licensed professional counselor, landed an interview with Olivia Mead, who created Yoga for First Responders. The two of them chat about how yoga is so beneficial to first responders in their job and keeping that resiliency for their mental health and wellness.
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Intro and Outro music by Big State “Bad Timing / Bad Luck”
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Yoga Definition - a Hindu spiritual and ascetic discipline, a part of which, including breath control, simple meditation, and the adoption of specific bodily postures, is widely practiced for health and relaxation
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TRE: https://traumaprevention.com/what-is-tre/
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Oliva Mead’s Contact Information:
Email – programs@yogaforfirstresponders.org
info@yogaforfirstresponders.org
YouTube Page - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCBU0mRTMl-GkNjo8AAS92iw
Link to Intro to Yoga for First Responders Video - https://youtu.be/Rseir2c_hek
Website – https://www.yogaforfirstresponders.org/
Social Media (Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn, Twitter) - @yogaforfirstresponders
Olivia’s Personal Social Media Handle and Website - @loislaneofyoga
https://loislaneofyoga.com/
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My website: www.code4couples.com
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Social Media: Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/cyndidoylelpc/
Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/cyndi_doyle/?hl=en
LinkedIn - https://www.linkedin.com/in/cyndidoylelpc/
Pinterest - https://www.pinterest.com/cyndidoylelpc/pins/
Twitter - https://twitter.com/cyndidlpc
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCo8lSBy00E7vJnmh096Svog
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Cyndi Doyle, law enforcement officer’s wife and licensed professional counselor, had the pleasure of chatting with fellow LEOW and author, Vicki Gustafson about her book His Badge My Story.
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Intro and Outro music by Big State “Bad Timing / Bad Luck”
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Vicki Gustafson’s Book: https://www.vickigustafson.com/book/
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Code 4 Couples podcast about fear: http://code4couples.libsyn.com/episode-51-fear-and-schedules-what-19-years-has-taught-me
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Vicki’s Website: https://www.vickigustafson.com/
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Get ahold of Vicki: www.leowsinsight.com or leowinsight@gmail.com
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My website: www.code4couples.com
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Social Media: Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/cyndidoylelpc/
Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/cyndi_doyle/?hl=en
LinkedIn - https://www.linkedin.com/in/cyndidoylelpc/
Pinterest - https://www.pinterest.com/cyndidoylelpc/pins/
Twitter - https://twitter.com/cyndidlpc
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCo8lSBy00E7vJnmh096Svog
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Cyndi Doyle, law enforcement officer’s wife and licensed professional counselor, discusses the controversial topic of listening to police scanners as LEO spouses or even as off-duty officers and how that may impact your mental health overall.
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Intro and Outro music by Big State “Bad Timing / Bad Luck”
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IACP: https://www.theiacpconference.org/
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Autumn Schmidt, Intuitive Sheepdog: http://thesheepdognation.com/
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Code 4 Couples Podcast Episode with Autumn: http://code4couples.libsyn.com/episode-52-autumn-schmidt-how-to-be-code-4-while-10-7
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Dr. Kevin Gilmartin’s Book – Emotional Survival for Law Enforcement https://www.amazon.com/Emotional-survival-law-enforcement-officers/dp/0971725403/ref=sr_1_1?gclid=CjwKCAjwmZbpBRAGEiwADrmVXi8PMOavSGG9E5Ep_sxHGgULG5WEBKkDdIsbcMwWhdIlQTfaOi3krhoC83MQAvD_BwE&hvadid=241635165755&hvdev=c&hvlocphy=9052790&hvnetw=g&hvpos=1t1&hvqmt=e&hvrand=16576739639537873524&hvtargid=aud-648454669636%3Akwd-311944418777&hydadcr=22568_10355169&keywords=gilmartin+emotional+survival&qid=1562776186&s=gateway&sr=8-1
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Secondary Traumatic Stress: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Secondary_trauma
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My website: www.code4couples.com
-
Social Media: Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/cyndidoylelpc/
Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/cyndi_doyle/?hl=en
LinkedIn - https://www.linkedin.com/in/cyndidoylelpc/
Pinterest - https://www.pinterest.com/cyndidoylelpc/pins/
Twitter - https://twitter.com/cyndidlpc
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCo8lSBy00E7vJnmh096Svog
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Cyndi Doyle, law enforcement officer’s wife and licensed professional counselor, was able to talk to a LEO couple who experienced an on-duty incident and how they walked through that together. Greg and Jaelyn Lovell experienced trauma and are here to bring more awareness to the conversation of trauma.
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Intro and Outro music by Big State “Bad Timing / Bad Luck”
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Greg and Jaelyn’s YouTube Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=45XYrgPnw8Q
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Brene Brown – Shame: https://brenebrown.com/articles/2013/01/14/shame-v-guilt/
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Greg and Jaelyn Contact Info: Instagram - @jaelynbarneslovell
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My website: www.code4couples.com
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Social Media: Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/cyndidoylelpc/
Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/cyndi_doyle/?hl=en
LinkedIn - https://www.linkedin.com/in/cyndidoylelpc/
Pinterest - https://www.pinterest.com/cyndidoylelpc/pins/
Twitter - https://twitter.com/cyndidlpc
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCo8lSBy00E7vJnmh096Svog
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Cyndi Doyle, law enforcement officer’s wife and licensed professional counselor, sits down with her Darling Husband to discuss the importance of officers being aware of their own needs and communicating that to their partners so their partners are not having to walk on eggshells.
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Intro and Outro music by Big State “Bad Timing / Bad Luck”
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Four Factors of Officer’s Demeanor: Stress, Conditioning of Reacting, Anxiety or Lack of Control, and Shift Mindset.
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Gottman “ritual” - https://www.gottman.com/blog/5-rituals-reconnect-relationship/
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My website: www.code4couples.com
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Social Media: Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/cyndidoylelpc/
Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/cyndi_doyle/?hl=en
LinkedIn - https://www.linkedin.com/in/cyndidoylelpc/
Pinterest - https://www.pinterest.com/cyndidoylelpc/pins/
Twitter - https://twitter.com/cyndidlpc
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCo8lSBy00E7vJnmh096Svog
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Cyndi Doyle, law enforcement officer’s wife and licensed professional counselor, brings Autumn Schmidt back on to the podcast to discuss her passion of reducing the suicide rate in law enforcement by training officers how to not lose themselves to the job.
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Intro and Outro music by Big State “Bad Timing / Bad Luck”
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Previous Podcast featuring Autumn: http://code4couples.libsyn.com/episode-33-females-in-law-enforcement-and-impact-on-relationships
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The Sheepdog Nation Podcast: http://thesheepdognation.com/
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Dr. Kevin Gilmartin’s Book: https://www.amazon.com/Emotional-survival-law-enforcement-officers/dp/0971725403
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David Goggins’ Book: https://www.amazon.com/Cant-Hurt-Me-Master-Your-ebook/dp/B07H453KGH
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Autumn’s Contact Info:
Instagram: @intuitivesheepdog
Email: autumn@autumnclifford.com
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My website: www.code4couples.com
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Social Media: Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/cyndidoylelpc/
Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/cyndi_doyle/?hl=en
LinkedIn - https://www.linkedin.com/in/cyndidoylelpc/
Pinterest - https://www.pinterest.com/cyndidoylelpc/pins/
Twitter - https://twitter.com/cyndidlpc
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCo8lSBy00E7vJnmh096Svog
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Cyndi Doyle, law enforcement officer’s wife and licensed professional counselor, shares her experience in learning how to handle the fear and the schedule challenges that come along the way with this law enforcement world.
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Intro and Outro music by Big State “Bad Timing / Bad Luck”
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Proud Police Wife: https://proudpolicewife.com/
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Proud Police Wife post on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/p/B0Dud8alJX_/
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Code 4 Couples Podcast Episode #1: http://code4couples.libsyn.com/introduction-to-code4couples-0
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The two pieces of advice that I hear a lot: 1. Trust the training 2. Be flexible
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My website: www.code4couples.com
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Social Media: Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/cyndidoylelpc/
Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/cyndi_doyle/?hl=en
LinkedIn - https://www.linkedin.com/in/cyndidoylelpc/
Pinterest - https://www.pinterest.com/cyndidoylelpc/pins/
Twitter - https://twitter.com/cyndidlpc
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCo8lSBy00E7vJnmh096Svog
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Cyndi Doyle, law enforcement officer’s wife and licensed professional counselor, chats with fellow LEO couple Jason and Katie Hoschouer about the affects of the overtime trap on our relationship and our wallets but more importantly how being a team with our spouse can make all the difference.
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Intro and Outro music by Big State “Bad Timing / Bad Luck”
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Jason Hoschouer’s book - Badges and Budgets: Personal Finance from a Law Enforcement Perspective https://www.amazon.com/Badges-Budgets-Personal-Enforcement-Perspective/dp/1530841496
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The Motorcop Mindset Blog: http://www.themotorcopmindset.com/
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Jason’s American Cop Magazine Article: https://americancopmagazine.com/hero911/
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Jason’s Police One Page: https://www.policeone.com/columnists/Jason-Hoschouer/
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Jason’s Podcast “What’s Your Emergency?” - http://wyeradio.com/
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Dr. Kevin Gilmartin’s Book – Emotional Survival for Law Enforcement https://www.amazon.com/Emotional-survival-law-enforcement-officers/dp/0971725403/ref=sr_1_1?gclid=CjwKCAjwmZbpBRAGEiwADrmVXi8PMOavSGG9E5Ep_sxHGgULG5WEBKkDdIsbcMwWhdIlQTfaOi3krhoC83MQAvD_BwE&hvadid=241635165755&hvdev=c&hvlocphy=9052790&hvnetw=g&hvpos=1t1&hvqmt=e&hvrand=16576739639537873524&hvtargid=aud-648454669636%3Akwd-311944418777&hydadcr=22568_10355169&keywords=gilmartin+emotional+survival&qid=1562776186&s=gateway&sr=8-1
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Dave Ramsey Books: https://www.daveramsey.com/store/books?gclid=CjwKCAjwmZbpBRAGEiwADrmVXgA8h5rB5t-yf5vneEcbuNTq1HhY1KLL4QjeGLIsVJFxOdxBKN9T7RoCgL0QAvD_BwE
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Gottman Soft Start-Up: https://www.gottman.com/blog/softening-startup/
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Jason’s Email: jason@themotorcopmindset.com
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Katie’s Website: http://www.katiecanhelp.com/
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My website: www.code4couples.com
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Social Media: Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/cyndidoylelpc/
Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/cyndi_doyle/?hl=en
LinkedIn - https://www.linkedin.com/in/cyndidoylelpc/
Pinterest - https://www.pinterest.com/cyndidoylelpc/pins/
Twitter - https://twitter.com/cyndidlpc
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCo8lSBy00E7vJnmh096Svog
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Cyndi Doyle, law enforcement officer’s wife and licensed professional counselor, talks about situations we face in our first responder relationships when we may be shut out or shut down by our partner when trying to connect with them.
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Intro and Outro music by Big State “Bad Timing / Bad Luck”
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Dr. John Gottman “Stonewalling”: https://www.gottman.com/blog/the-four-horsemen-stonewalling/
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“Invisible Armor” Episode: http://code4couples.libsyn.com/episode-48-invisible-armor
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“Love Maps” Episode: http://code4couples.libsyn.com/episode-22-cleaning-your-relationship-house
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Gottman Love Maps: https://www.gottman.com/blog/build-love-maps/
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Hypervigilance: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hypervigilance
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My website: www.code4couples.com
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Social Media: Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/cyndidoylelpc/
Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/cyndi_doyle/?hl=en
LinkedIn - https://www.linkedin.com/in/cyndidoylelpc/
Pinterest - https://www.pinterest.com/cyndidoylelpc/pins/
Twitter - https://twitter.com/cyndidlpc
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCo8lSBy00E7vJnmh096Svog
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Cyndi Doyle, law enforcement officer’s wife and licensed professional counselor, discusses the impacts of trying to create intimacy and connection with our partners while keeping an invisible armor on.
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Intro and Outro music by Big State “Bad Timing / Bad Luck”
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Podcasts with Dr. Dean Aslina: 1. http://code4couples.libsyn.com/understanding-your-mate-interview-with-dr-dean-aslinia-sex-therapist 2. http://code4couples.libsyn.com/episode-26-understanding-your-mate-interview-with-dr-dean-aslinia-sex-therapist-continued
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Brene Brown: https://brenebrown.com/
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Dr. John and Julie Gottman: https://www.gottman.com/
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“Into Me You See” Aspects of Intimacy: Vulnerability and Empathy
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My website: www.code4couples.com
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Social Media: Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/cyndidoylelpc/
Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/cyndi_doyle/?hl=en
LinkedIn - https://www.linkedin.com/in/cyndidoylelpc/
Pinterest - https://www.pinterest.com/cyndidoylelpc/pins/
Twitter - https://twitter.com/cyndidlpc
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCo8lSBy00E7vJnmh096Svog
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Cyndi Doyle, law enforcement officer’s wife and licensed professional counselor, sits down with Dr. Stephanie Conn, licensed psychologist and former police officer, to talk about resiliency and her book Increasing Resilience in Police and Emergency Personnel: Strengthening Your Mental Armor.
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Intro and Outro music by Big State “Bad Timing / Bad Luck”
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Dr. Stephanie Conn’s Book: https://www.amazon.com/Increasing-Resilience-Police-Emergency-Personnel/dp/113864367X/ref=sr_1_fkmrnull_1?keywords=stephanie+conn+book&qid=1556128706&s=gateway&sr=8-1-fkmrnull
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Dr. Gillmartin’s Book: https://www.amazon.com/Emotional-survival-law-enforcement-officers/dp/0971725403/ref=sr_1_1?keywords=gilmartin+book&qid=1556130599&s=gateway&sr=8-1
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Contact Dr. Stephanie Conn: https://firstresponderpsychology.com/
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My website: www.code4couples.com
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Social Media: Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/cyndidoylelpc/
Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/cyndi_doyle/?hl=en
LinkedIn - https://www.linkedin.com/in/cyndidoylelpc/
Pinterest - https://www.pinterest.com/cyndidoylelpc/pins/
Twitter - https://twitter.com/cyndidlpc
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCo8lSBy00E7vJnmh096Svog
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Cyndi Doyle, law enforcement officer’s wife and licensed professional counselor, connects with That Peer Support Couple, Javier and Cathy Bustos! Javier and Cathy share their critical incidences while they were both in law enforcement and how that affected their marriage.
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Intro and Outro music by Big State “Bad Timing / Bad Luck”
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Bill Blackwood Law Enforcement Management Institute of Texas: http://www.lemitonline.org/
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Law Enforcement Today Articles: https://www.lawenforcementtoday.com/?s=cathy+bustos
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Police One: https://www.policeone.com/
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Dr. Gilmartin: http://emotionalsurvival.com/about.htm
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5 Love Languages: https://www.5lovelanguages.com/
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Patrick Shaver “Officer Involved”: http://www.officerinvolvedproject.com/
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EMDR: https://www.emdr.com/what-is-emdr/
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Start a Peer Support Program: https://www.policeone.com/health-fitness/articles/480389006-How-to-launch-a-successful-peer-support-program/
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You Tell on Yourself: https://www.lawenforcementtoday.com/tell/
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Blue Help: https://bluehelp.org/
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Back the Blue Denton: https://www.backingthebluedenton.com/
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Shawn Thomas First Responder Conferences: https://1stresponderconferences.org/
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PCIS: http://www.lemitonline.org/programs/?mode=view&item=21
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Cathy and Javier Contact Info: Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/cathyandjavi/ ; Twitter - https://twitter.com/PeerLlc ; Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/cathyandjavi/ ; Email: cathyandjavi@gmail.com
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COPLINE: http://www.copline.org/
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My website: www.code4couples.com
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Social Media: Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/cyndidoylelpc/
Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/cyndi_doyle/?hl=en
LinkedIn - https://www.linkedin.com/in/cyndidoylelpc/
Pinterest - https://www.pinterest.com/cyndidoylelpc/pins/
Twitter - https://twitter.com/cyndidlpc
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCo8lSBy00E7vJnmh096Svog
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Cyndi Doyle, law enforcement officer’s wife and licensed professional counselor, discusses the difficult topic of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, or Post Traumatic Stress. She breaks down what qualifies a person to be diagnosed with PTSD and gives examples of warning signs to look for if a first responder has been affected by a critical incident and may be suffering from PTSD.
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Intro and Outro music by Big State “Bad Timing / Bad Luck”
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Criterion for Diagnosis: Criterion A – Direct/Indirect Exposure; Criterion B – Nightmares, flashbacks, distress after triggers; Criterion C – Thoughts, feelings, or external reminders; Criterion D – Inability to recall key features of the trauma, negative thoughts about oneself or the world, exaggerated blame, negative affect, decreased interest in activities, isolation; Criterion E – alterations and arousal in reactivity; Criterion F – last one month or more; Criterion G – a change in functional significance; Criterion H – exclusion criteria.
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Contributing Factors to Impeding Your Brain to Process Event: personalization of the event and their own trauma.
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“Typical” behavior after critical incident: don’t close eyes, show emotions, be quiet, and talk to others
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What to watch for: hopelessness, personalization and blame, magical thinking, blame on somebody else, increase in numbing activity, and isolation.
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What to do if you see this: tell them what you see different about behavior, and ask open-ended questions.
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EMDR: https://www.emdr.com/what-is-emdr/
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Code 9 Project Podcast: http://code4couples.libsyn.com/episode-17-bringing-ptsd-into-the-light
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Bringin’ on the Heat: https://www.code4couples.com/freebie
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My website: www.code4couples.com
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Social Media: Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/cyndidoylelpc/
Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/cyndi_doyle/?hl=en
LinkedIn - https://www.linkedin.com/in/cyndidoylelpc/
Pinterest - https://www.pinterest.com/cyndidoylelpc/pins/
Twitter - https://twitter.com/cyndidlpc
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCo8lSBy00E7vJnmh096Svog
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Cyndi Doyle, law enforcement officer’s wife and licensed professional counselor, interviews fellow therapist, Brittainy Wagner, about trauma and how that impacts us as individuals and as couples.
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Intro and Outro music by Big State “Bad Timing / Bad Luck”
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Tidemark Therapy in Denison, Texas - https://www.tidemarktherapy.com/
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Trauma Aspects: Emotional, Physical, Neglect/Betrayal, Events (death, natural disasters, health-related)
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Three Way of Trauma Spillover: Angry Distance, Romantic, and Social
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My website: www.code4couples.com
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Social Media: Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/cyndidoylelpc/
Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/cyndi_doyle/?hl=en
LinkedIn - https://www.linkedin.com/in/cyndidoylelpc/
Pinterest - https://www.pinterest.com/cyndidoylelpc/pins/
Twitter - https://twitter.com/cyndidlpc
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCo8lSBy00E7vJnmh096Svog
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Cyndi Doyle, law enforcement officer’s wife and licensed professional counselor, sits down with fellow LEO couple Asst. Chief John and Stephanie Oldham to discuss how they navigated through the challenges that we tend to face being in a first responder relationship.
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Intro and Outro music by Big State “Bad Timing / Bad Luck”
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IACP Conference: https://www.theiacpconference.org/attend/past-conferences/
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Gottman Training: https://www.gottman.com/professionals/training/
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The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work book: https://www.amazon.com/Seven-Principles-Making-Marriage-Work/dp/0609805797
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Gottman Cards App: https://www.gottman.com/couples/apps/
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Bringing Baby Home: https://www.gottman.com/professionals/training/bringing-baby-home/
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John and Steph Oldham Contact Info: J_Oldham@comcast.net
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My website: www.code4couples.com
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Social Media: Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/cyndidoylelpc/
Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/cyndi_doyle/?hl=en
LinkedIn - https://www.linkedin.com/in/cyndidoylelpc/
Pinterest - https://www.pinterest.com/cyndidoylelpc/pins/
Twitter - https://twitter.com/cyndidlpc
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCo8lSBy00E7vJnmh096Svog
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Cyndi Doyle, law enforcement officer’s wife and licensed professional counselor, chats with fellow law enforcement officer wife, Lisa Grenfell, about wellness and how it pertains to your personal life and your relationship with your first responder.
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Intro and Outro music by Big State “Bad Timing / Bad Luck”
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WELCOA’s 7 Components of Wellness: Health, Resiliency, Meaning, Safety, Connection, Achievement, and Growth - https://www.welcoa.org/blog/definition-of-wellness/
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Dr. Gilmartin - https://www.amazon.com/Emotional-survival-law-enforcement-officers/dp/0971725403
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Vic Strecher books about Purpose - https://www.amazon.com/Life-Purpose-Matters-Changes-Everything/dp/0062409603
https://www.amazon.com/Purpose-Victor-J-Strecher/dp/1940594014/ref=sr_1_2?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1547062676&sr=1-2&keywords=vic+strecher
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Episode 34: Reconnecting - http://code4couples.libsyn.com/episode-34-reconnecting
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Lisa Grenfell Instagram: @lmgrennie
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My website: www.code4couples.com
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Social Media: Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/cyndidoylelpc/
Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/cyndi_doyle/?hl=en
LinkedIn - https://www.linkedin.com/in/cyndidoylelpc/
Pinterest - https://www.pinterest.com/cyndidoylelpc/pins/
Twitter - https://twitter.com/cyndidlpc
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCo8lSBy00E7vJnmh096Svog
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Cyndi Doyle, law enforcement officer’s wife and licensed professional counselor, talks about the dangers of the USTA syndrome and how to help prevent this from happening in your relationship.
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Intro and Outro music by Big State “Bad Timing / Bad Luck”
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USTA Syndrome – stuff we ‘used to” do
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Dr. Kevin Gilmartin - https://www.amazon.com/Emotional-survival-law-enforcement-officers/dp/0971725403
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Cure for USTA – proactive mindset, get in control, find a hobby, and connect with others.
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Intimacy Ops Plan “Bringin’ on the Heat!” Freebie: https://www.code4couples.com/freebie
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My website: www.code4couples.com
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Social Media: Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/cyndidoylelpc/
Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/cyndi_doyle/?hl=en
LinkedIn - https://www.linkedin.com/in/cyndidoylelpc/
Pinterest - https://www.pinterest.com/cyndidoylelpc/pins/
Twitter - https://twitter.com/cyndidlpc
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCo8lSBy00E7vJnmh096Svog
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Cyndi Doyle, law enforcement officer’s wife and licensed professional counselor, created a fun and humorous list of why having a first responder spouse during the holidays can be quite enjoyable!
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Intro and Outro music by Big State “Bad Timing / Bad Luck”
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First Responder Holiday List: 1. Traditions 2. Night Shift 3. Package Stealers 4. Get Out of Going to Parties 5. Shopping
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Intimacy Ops Plan “Bringin’ on the Heat!” Freebie: https://www.code4couples.com/freebie
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My website: www.code4couples.com
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Social Media: Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/cyndidoylelpc/
Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/cyndi_doyle/?hl=en
LinkedIn - https://www.linkedin.com/in/cyndidoylelpc/
Pinterest - https://www.pinterest.com/cyndidoylelpc/pins/
Twitter - https://twitter.com/cyndidlpc
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCo8lSBy00E7vJnmh096Svog
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Cyndi Doyle, law enforcement officer’s wife and licensed professional counselor, brings author, Adam Davis, back to talk about his newest devotional book Bulletproof Marriage, which he co-wrote with Lt. Col. Dave Grossman, to help LE couples avoid pitfalls.
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Intro and Outro music by Big State “Bad Timing / Bad Luck”
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Bulletproof Marriage: https://www.amazon.com/Bulletproof-Marriage-Devotional-Adam-Davis/dp/1424557593/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1544632540&sr=8-1&keywords=bulletproof+marriage+adam+davis
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Lt. Col. Dave Grossman: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dave_Grossman_(author)
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Dr. John and Julie Gottman: https://www.gottman.com/
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Adam Davis Contact and Social Media:
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/theofficialadamdavis/
Website: https://www.theadamdavis.com/
Instagram: @theofficialadamdavis
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My website: www.code4couples.com
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Social Media: Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/cyndidoylelpc/
Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/cyndi_doyle/?hl=en
LinkedIn - https://www.linkedin.com/in/cyndidoylelpc/
Pinterest - https://www.pinterest.com/cyndidoylelpc/pins/
Twitter - https://twitter.com/cyndidlpc
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCo8lSBy00E7vJnmh096Svog
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Cyndi Doyle, law enforcement officer’s wife and licensed professional counselor, was asked by a fellow LEO wife to talk about the importance of knowing what quality time means to us in our relationships.
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Intro and Outro music by Big State “Bad Timing / Bad Luck”
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The 3 Conflicts of Quality Time: 1. After doing a time inventory – what is taking up your time? 2. What does quality time mean to you personally? 3. Hypervigilance.
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The 3 Solutions of Quality Time: 1. Talk with each other about quality time and see if there is a common interest. 2. Find the most optimum engaging time. 3. Schedule that time together.
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Intimacy Ops Plan “Bringin’ on the Heat!” Freebie: https://www.code4couples.com/freebie
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My website: www.code4couples.com
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Social Media: Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/cyndidoylelpc/
Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/cyndi_doyle/?hl=en
LinkedIn - https://www.linkedin.com/in/cyndidoylelpc/
Pinterest - https://www.pinterest.com/cyndidoylelpc/pins/
Twitter - https://twitter.com/cyndidlpc
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCo8lSBy00E7vJnmh096Svog
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Cyndi Doyle, law enforcement officer’s wife and licensed professional counselor, discusses the possible underlying complaints behind nags or even controlling remarks and how to get curious about those in order to discuss them with your significant other in a healthy manor.
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Intro and Outro music by Big State “Bad Timing / Bad Luck”
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Bulletproof Marriage by Adam Davis: https://books.google.com/books/about/Bulletproof_Marriage.html?id=ZJN2swEACAAJ
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Nag definition: annoy or irritate (a person) with persistent fault-finding or continuous urging
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Previous “Control” Podcast: http://code4couples.libsyn.com/episode-31-control-vs-capitulation
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Control definition: the power to influence or direct people's behavior or the course of events
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Criticism: the expression of disapproval of someone or something based on perceived faults or mistakes
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Our 2 responsibilities: being curious about our stuff and being curious about our partner’s stuff
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Complaint: a statement that a situation is unsatisfactory or unacceptable
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Soft Start Up Podcast: http://code4couples.libsyn.com/episode-19-the-hardest-easiest-way-to-communicate
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My website: www.code4couples.com
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Social Media: Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/cyndidoylelpc/
Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/cyndi_doyle/?hl=en
LinkedIn - https://www.linkedin.com/in/cyndidoylelpc/
Pinterest - https://www.pinterest.com/cyndidoylelpc/pins/
Twitter - https://twitter.com/cyndidlpc
YT: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCo8lSBy00E7vJnmh096Svog
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Cyndi Doyle, law enforcement officer’s wife and licensed professional counselor, talks about critical incident anniversaries and how they impact our first responder spouses and how we can help them walk through that.
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Intro and Outro music by Big State “Bad Timing / Bad Luck”
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Dallas Shooting: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/2016_shooting_of_Dallas_police_officers
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National Law Enforcement Officer Memorial Website: http://www.nleomf.com/
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Elizabeth Kubler-Ross Stages of Grief: shock, denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance; https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/K%C3%BCbler-Ross_model
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Spouses’ to-do list: Notice and mention the behavior, listen, make space, let them talk to their peers.
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First responder to-do list: let your spouse in, talk with a buddy, get involved with something.
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CISM: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Critical_incident_stress_management
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My website: www.code4couples.com
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Social Media: Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/cyndidoylelpc/
Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/cyndi_doyle/?hl=en
LinkedIn - https://www.linkedin.com/in/cyndidoylelpc/
Pinterest - https://www.pinterest.com/cyndidoylelpc/pins/
Twitter - https://twitter.com/cyndidlpc
YT: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCo8lSBy00E7vJnmh096Svog
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Cyndi Doyle, law enforcement officer’s wife and licensed professional counselor, sits down with fellow LEO wife, Rebecca from Proud Police Wife blog! Find out what Rebecca has been up to as she paves the way for other law enforcement spouses and builds a community.
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Intro and Outro music by Big State “Bad Timing / Bad Luck”
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Rebecca’s Links:
Website: www.proudpolicewife.com
Police Wife Network: https://proudpolicewife.thinkific.com/courses/proud-police-wife-network
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/proudpolicewif
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/proudpwife/
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Police One: https://www.policeone.com/
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Corie Weathers: www.corieweathers.com/
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Bless the Badge: http://blessthebadge.com/
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Wives on Duty Ministries: https://www.facebook.com/wivesondutyministries/
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My website: www.code4couples.com
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Social Media: Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/cyndidoylelpc/
Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/cyndi_doyle/?hl=en
LinkedIn - https://www.linkedin.com/in/cyndidoylelpc/
Pinterest - https://www.pinterest.com/cyndidoylelpc/pins/
Twitter - https://twitter.com/cyndidlpc
YT: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCo8lSBy00E7vJnmh096Svog
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Cyndi Doyle, law enforcement officer’s wife and licensed professional counselor, talks about how staying connected through shifts and schedules is hard but gives some steps to get reconnected and to stay intimate with your partner.
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Intro and Outro music by Big State “Bad Timing / Bad Luck”
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IACP: www.theiacp.org/
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Reconnecting Steps: 1. Check in with yourself 2. Take the other person’s temperature 3. Take care of immediate needs 4. Schedule time to talk and connect 5. Get ready to share.
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My website: www.code4couples.com
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Social Media: Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/cyndidoylelpc/
Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/cyndi_doyle/?hl=en
LinkedIn - https://www.linkedin.com/in/cyndidoylelpc/
Pinterest - https://www.pinterest.com/cyndidoylelpc/pins/
Twitter - https://twitter.com/cyndidlpc
YouTube - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCo8lSBy00E7vJnmh096Svog
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Cyndi Doyle, law enforcement officer’s wife and licensed professional counselor, sits down with former female law enforcement officer, Autumn Clifford, who created the Lady Sheepdog movement. She gives insight into what it was like to be a female in a very male dominant career as well as discusses some of the impacts that has on LEO relationships.
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Intro and Outro music by Big State “Bad Timing / Bad Luck”
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War on Cops Podcast: http://code4couples.libsyn.com/episode-32-hard-week-war-on-cops
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On Combat Book: https://www.amazon.com/Combat-Psychology-Physiology-Deadly-Conflict/dp/0964920549
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Lady Sheepdog Academy: https://autumnclifford.clickfunnels.com/sales-page20099815
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Autumn’s Instagram: @theladysheepdog
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Autumn’s Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/autumnlclifford/
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Sheepdog Nation Podcast: http://podcast.thesheepdognation.com/
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My website: www.code4couples.com
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Social Media: Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/cyndidoylelpc/
Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/cyndi_doyle/?hl=en
LinkedIn - https://www.linkedin.com/in/cyndidoylelpc/
Pinterest - https://www.pinterest.com/cyndidoylelpc/pins/
Twitter - https://twitter.com/cyndidlpc
YouTube - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCo8lSBy00E7vJnmh096Svog
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Cyndi Doyle, law enforcement officer’s wife and licensed professional counselor, brings up a very controversial topic of the war on cops and how that impacts the police as a population and their families.
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Intro and Outro music by Big State “Bad Timing / Bad Luck”
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The War on Cops by Heather Mac Donald: https://www.amazon.com/War-Cops-Attack-Order-Everyone/dp/1594038759
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Aspects of Change in Policing: Community Policing and Social Media
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“The Assailant Study - Mindsets and Behaviors: http://www.mcsheriffs.com/pdf/news/vale_study_final.pdf
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Commonalities of Assailants – 1. Desire to kill law enforcement, 2. Felt they were going to lose their freedom.
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My website: www.code4couples.com
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Social Media: Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/cyndidoylelpc/
Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/cyndi_doyle/?hl=en
LinkedIn - https://www.linkedin.com/in/cyndidoylelpc/
Pinterest - https://www.pinterest.com/cyndidoylelpc/pins/
Twitter - https://twitter.com/cyndidlpc
YouTube - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCo8lSBy00E7vJnmh096Svog
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Cyndi Doyle, law enforcement officer’s wife and licensed professional counselor, talks about how control can be perceived very differently in relationships, especially with first responders.
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Intro and Outro music by Big State “Bad Timing / Bad Luck”
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Control Versus Capitulation: Perception, Need, Unhealthy Signs
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Are You Controlling or Not: 1. Do you make a request or demand? 2. Are you stating any feelings? 3. State Your Need. 4. Be Ready to Compromise.
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If You’re Capitulating: 1. Get Curious. 2. Don’t Personalize. 3. Gently Confront.
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Sponge Podcast: http://code4couples.libsyn.com/episode-13-its-not-about-the-sponge-stories-we-tell
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My website: www.code4couples.com
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Social Media: Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/cyndidoylelpc/
Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/cyndi_doyle/?hl=en
LinkedIn - https://www.linkedin.com/in/cyndidoylelpc/
Pinterest - https://www.pinterest.com/cyndidoylelpc/pins/
Twitter - https://twitter.com/cyndidlpc
YouTube - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCo8lSBy00E7vJnmh096Svog
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Cyndi Doyle, law enforcement officer’s wife and licensed professional counselor, is joined by her Darling Husband again to discuss Col. Jeff Cooper’s Awareness Color Code and how that pertains to first responders and also their spouses.
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Intro and Outro music by Big State “Bad Timing / Bad Luck”
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Col. Jeff Cooper’s Colors: https://www.bsr-inc.com/awareness-color-code-chart/
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OODA Loop Podcast: http://code4couples.libsyn.com/episode-4-does-your-leo-ooda
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My website: www.code4couples.com
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Social Media: Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/cyndidoylelpc/
Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/cyndi_doyle/?hl=en
LinkedIn - https://www.linkedin.com/in/cyndidoylelpc/
Pinterest - https://www.pinterest.com/cyndidoylelpc/pins/
Twitter - https://twitter.com/cyndidlpc
YouTube - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCo8lSBy00E7vJnmh096Svo
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Cyndi Doyle, law enforcement officer’s wife and licensed professional counselor, interviews former police officer turned author, Adam Davis. Adam talks about his experience as an officer and what led him to become an author.
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Intro and Outro music by Big State “Bad Timing / Bad Luck”
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Spirit and Truth: https://www.theadamdavis.com/product/pre-order-spirit-truth-52-devotions-for-law-enforcement-revised-2017/
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Behind the Badge: https://www.amazon.com/Behind-Badge-Devotions-Americas-Enforcement/dp/1424556465
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Lt. Col. Dave Grossman: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dave_Grossman_(author)
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Adam Davis’ Website: https://www.theadamdavis.com/
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My website: www.code4couples.com
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Social Media: Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/cyndidoylelpc/
Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/cyndi_doyle/?hl=en
LinkedIn - https://www.linkedin.com/in/cyndidoylelpc/
Pinterest - https://www.pinterest.com/cyndidoylelpc/pins/
Twitter - https://twitter.com/cyndidlpc
YouTube - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCo8lSBy00E7vJnmh096Svog
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Cyndi Doyle, law enforcement officer’s wife and licensed professional counselor, was certified recently in Critical Incident Stress Management and feels that this would be very beneficial in helping first responders. She talks about what she learned in the class and how you can sign up as well.
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Critical Incident Stress Management: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Critical_incident_stress_management
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Dr. Gary Brown: https://drgarybrowntherapy.com/
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Last Week’s Episode: http://code4couples.libsyn.com/episode-27-a-spoonful-of-poison
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Aspects of CISM: RITS, CMB, Diffusing, and CISD.
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CISM Website: https://icisf.org/
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My website: www.code4couples.com
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Social Media: Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/cyndidoylelpc/
Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/cyndi_doyle/?hl=en
LinkedIn - https://www.linkedin.com/in/cyndidoylelpc/
Pinterest - https://www.pinterest.com/cyndidoylelpc/pins/
Twitter - https://twitter.com/cyndidlpc
YouTube - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCo8lSBy00E7vJnmh096Svog
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Cyndi Doyle, law enforcement officer’s wife and licensed professional counselor, sits down with her Darling Husband to discuss stress management for his podcast debut!
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Intro and Outro music by Big State “Bad Timing / Bad Luck”
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CISM: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Critical_incident_stress_management
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Ways to get the poison out: talk, drink water, structure your time, feel good things, physical exercise, write in a journal, reach out to people, spend time with others, allow time to feel rotten, and having a normal reaction.
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Sponge Story Podcast: http://code4couples.libsyn.com/episode-13-its-not-about-the-sponge-stories-we-tell
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Numbing Podcast: http://code4couples.libsyn.com/episode-8-numbing-out
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My website: www.code4couples.com
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Social Media: Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/cyndidoylelpc/
Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/cyndi_doyle/?hl=en
LinkedIn - https://www.linkedin.com/in/cyndidoylelpc/
Pinterest - https://www.pinterest.com/cyndidoylelpc/pins/
Twitter - https://twitter.com/cyndidlpc
YouTube - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCo8lSBy00E7vJnmh096Svog
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Cyndi Doyle, law enforcement officer’s wife and licensed professional counselor, sits down with Dallas’ Sex Therapist, Dr. Dean Aslinia, to talk about sex and intimacy in relationships more specific to first responders. This is part 2 of 2 in this series.
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Intro and Outro music by Big State “Bad Timing / Bad Luck”
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Last week’s podcast: http://code4couples.libsyn.com/understanding-your-mate-interview-with-dr-dean-aslinia-sex-therapist
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Hypervigilance: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hypervigilance
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Sensate Focus: https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-author-speaks/201703/sensate-focus-in-sex-therapy-the-illustrated-manual
https://health.cornell.edu/sites/health/files/pdf-library/sensate-focus.pdf
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Dr. Dean Aslinia Contact Information: Email: aslinia@doctor.com, Website: www.deantherapy.com, Social Media: Facebook @DrDeanAslinia, Instagram @drlovedallas, Twitter @DrDeanTX & @DrSexTherapist
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My website: www.code4couples.com
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Social Media: Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/cyndidoylelpc/
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YouTube - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCo8lSBy00E7vJnmh096Svog
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Cyndi Doyle, law enforcement officer’s wife and licensed professional counselor, sits down with Dallas’ Sex Therapist, Dr. Dean Aslinia, to talk about sex and intimacy in relationships. Dr. Dean gives his advice and expertise on some key components of a relationship. This is part 1 of 2.
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Intro and Outro music by Big State “Bad Timing / Bad Luck”
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Dr. Dean Aslinia - http://deantherapy.com/
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Top of the Funnel of Relationships: Understand Male/Female Brains, Emotions Related to Sex, Hang-Ups About Sex, Sex Education, Intimacy “Into Me You See”.
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Podcast on 5 Love Languages: http://code4couples.libsyn.com/episode-3-keep-affairs-out-of-your-marriage
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5 Love Languages: http://www.5lovelanguages.com/
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My website: www.code4couples.com
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Social Media: Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/cyndidoylelpc/
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- Cyndi Doyle, law enforcement officer’s wife and licensed professional counselor, brings up the much needed topic of how to speak to your spouse, especially your first responder spouse. In the first responder world the day to day happenings can be pretty difficult to hear about but as spouses it is important to really listen to them and make a connection with them.
- Intro and Outro music by Big State “Bad Timing / Bad Luck”
- Important things to work on: listening, facial expressions, words, learn lingo, procedures and policies, and empathy.
- Acronym Podcast Episode: http://code4couples.libsyn.com/episode-15-can-you-relate-txfallenpd
- My website: code4couples.com
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Cyndi Doyle, law enforcement officer’s wife and licensed professional counselor, talks about the topic of being alone versus lonely. She gives some great insight on how to cope with loneliness and to be okay with being alone.
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Intro and Outro music by Big State “Bad Timing / Bad Luck”
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Lonely Versus Being Alone: Emotional State and Physical State
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Teddy Roosevelt: “Comparison is the thief of joy.”
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Things to work on: expectations, comparisons, mindset, appreciation, independence and write permission slips.
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My website: www.code4couples.com
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Social Media: Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/cyndidoylelpc/
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- Cyndi Doyle, law enforcement officer’s wife and licensed professional counselor, discusses how to clean your “relationship house” for the New Year!
- Intro and Outro music by Big State “Bad Timing / Bad Luck”
- Gottman Institute Relationship House Diagram: https://www.gottman.com/blog/the-sound-relationship-house-turn-towards-instead-of-away/
- Gottman Institute Relationship House Blog: https://www.gottman.com/blog/building-a-sound-relationship-house/
- My website: code4couples.com
- Social Media: Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/cyndidoylelpc/
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- Cyndi Doyle, law enforcement officer’s wife and licensed professional counselor, gives some advice on how to make the holiday challenges with your first responder partner a little more bearable.
- Intro and Outro music by Big State “Bad Timing / Bad Luck”
- Helpful tips: plan ahead, determine priorities, compromise, traditions
- Previous Podcast: http://code4couples.libsyn.com/episode-20-thanksgiving-fail-a-compromise-story
- My website: code4couples.com
- Social Media: Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/cyndidoylelpc/
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- Cyndi Doyle, law enforcement officer’s wife and licensed professional counselor, tells a marriage failure story that happened during Thanksgiving many years ago and gives her advice on how to compromise with your spouse.
- Intro and Outro music by Big State “Bad Timing / Bad Luck”
- How to compromise and what questions to ask: You have to be willing; Figure out what the non-negotiable is; are there any values surrounding this issue; does it relate to your background; is there a dream; what happens if the dream is not honored; what’s the disaster scenario; only pick one or two non-negotiables
- My website: code4couples.com
- Social Media: Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/cyndidoylelpc/
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- Cyndi Doyle, law enforcement officer’s wife and licensed professional counselor, discusses some communication techniques to improve your overall direct communication with others.
- Intro and Outro music by Big State “Bad Timing / Bad Luck”
- THINK acronym: Truthful, Helpful, Inspiring, Necessary, Kind
- Gottman Institute- Soft Start-Up: https://www.gottman.com/blog/weekend-homework-assignment-softening-startup/
- My website: code4couples.com
- Social Media: Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/cyndidoylelpc/
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- Cyndi Doyle, law enforcement officer’s wife and licensed professional counselor sits down and talks with fellow LEO wife, Kandis Hutton, LMFT, about the transition of becoming a new parent along with her law enforcement officer husband.
- Intro and Outro music by Big State “Bad Timing / Bad Luck”
- “I Love a Cop” by Ellen Kirschman: https://www.amazon.com/Love-Cop-Revised-Police-Families/dp/159385353X
- “Counselling Cops” by Ellen Kirschman: https://www.amazon.com/Counseling-Cops-What-Clinicians-Need/dp/1462524303
- Kandis Hutton, CIFT website: http://ciftcounseling.com/staff/
Psychology Today Page: https://therapists.psychologytoday.com/rms/name/Kandis_Hutton_MA,LMFT_Orange_California_350301
Instagram: @kandishutton & @codethirtyone
Blog: http://code-31.com/
- My website: code4couples.com
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- Cyndi Doyle, law enforcement officer’s wife and licensed professional counselor sits down and talks with fellow LEO wife, Debbie Ortiz, from Code 9 Project. Debbie is the co-founder of Code 9, as well as the director and producer of Code 9: Officer Needs Assistance Documentary.
- Intro and Outro music by Big State “Bad Timing / Bad Luck”
- Posttraumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD): https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Posttraumatic_stress_disorder
- Code 9 Project Website: http://www.code9project.org/
- West Coast Post-trauma Retreat: http://www.frsn.org/retreats/wcpr
- Code 9 Film:http://www.thecode9film.com/home.html
- Code 9 Project Facebook:https://www.facebook.com/Code9project/?ref=br_rs
- Code 9 Project Twitter:https://twitter.com/Code9Project
- My website: code4couples.com
- Social Media: Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/cyndidoylelpc/
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- Cyndi Doyle, law enforcement officer’s wife and licensed professional counselor talks about ways to keep things spicy in your First Responder/LEO relationship!
- Intro and Outro music by Big State “Bad Timing / Bad Luck”
- Forms of Connection: Verbal, Emotional, and Physical
- “It’s Not About the Nail” video : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-4EDhdAHrOg
- My website: code4couples.com
- Social Media: Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/cyndidoylelpc/
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- Cyndi Doyle, law enforcement officer’s wife and licensed professional counselor came up with a list of certain things that first responder spouses roll their eyes at!
- Intro and Outro music by Big State “Bad Timing / Bad Luck”
- List summary: backs to the wall, full moon, dark humor, view on life, creative language, free or donated food, movie criticism, not knowing first names, being really early, don’t walk on the gun side, and commenting on cars and their violations.
- October 21st in Highland Village, Texas: Texas Police Chiefs Association’s Fallen Officer Fund: http://txfallenpd.com/777/Fallen-Officers-Bike-Race-and-5K
- Online Auction: https://www.32auctions.com/2017HVPDOnlineAuction
- My website: code4couples.com
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- Cyndi Doyle, law enforcement officer’s wife and licensed professional counselor talks about ‘frustration aggressive displacement syndrome’ or more commonly known as the ‘kick the cat syndrome’. This is especially common in First Responder and LEO couples.
- Intro and Outro music by Big State “Bad Timing / Bad Luck”
- Gottman “Turn Toward Me”: https://www.gottman.com/blog/turn-toward-instead-of-away/
- Alpena, Michigan: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alpena,_Michigan
- Kick the Cat Syndrome: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kick_the_cat
- Frustration Aggression Displacement Syndrome: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Frustration%E2%80%93aggression_hypothesis
- Dealing with the frustration steps: 1) Recognize that it’s happening and breathe, 2) State your feelings, 3) Any thoughts to be changed
- Receiving the frustration steps: 1) Don’t respond, 2) Breathe, 3) Revisit It
- My website: code4couples.com
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- Cyndi Doyle, law enforcement officer’s wife and licensed professional counselor shares her “sponge story” and talks about how things aren’t always what they seem. Communication is so important, especially when we aren’t sure of all the facts of the situation.
- Intro and Outro music by Big State “Bad Timing / Bad Luck”
- Seinfeld Sponge Worthy: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sfQBKB4s1ks
- Be aware of your own stories versus the facts.
- Try and pause to think about the facts and your interpretation.
- It’s not always about you.
- Check things out with your partner.
- My website: code4couples.com
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- Cyndi Doyle, law enforcement officer wife and licensed professional counselor, continues the discussion on hypervigilance. She talks about the affects it has on the relationships of first responders and their partners along with the affects that it has on them physically, emotionally, and socially.
- Intro and Outro music by Big State “Bad Timing / Bad Luck”
- Last Week’s Episode: http://code4couples.libsyn.com/episode-11-hypervigilance
- Victoria Newman Blog: http://www.how2loveyourcop.com/
- “Emotional Survival for Law Enforcement” by Kevin Gilmartin - https://www.amazon.com/Emotional-survival-law-enforcement-officers/dp/0971725403/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1505331271&sr=8-1&keywords=emotional+survival+for+law+enforcement
- Cortisol: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cortisol
- My website: code4couples.com
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- Cyndi Doyle, law enforcement officer wife and licensed professional counselor, talks about what hypervigilance is, the process of it, and the biological effects that it has on our officers and first responders. This is going to be part one of a two part podcast.
- Intro and Outro music by Big State “Bad Timing / Bad Luck”
- Hypervigilance - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hypervigilance
- “Emotional Survival for Law Enforcement” by Kevin Gilmartin - https://www.amazon.com/Emotional-survival-law-enforcement-officers/dp/0971725403/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1505331271&sr=8-1&keywords=emotional+survival+for+law+enforcement
- OODA Loop Podcast - http://code4couples.libsyn.com/episode-4-does-your-leo-ooda
- FTO - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Field_Training_Officer
- CHL - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Concealed_carry_in_the_United_States
- RAS - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Reticular_activating_system
- Sympathetic Nervous System - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sympathetic_nervous_system
- Vasodilation - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vasodilation
- Newton’s Third Law - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Newton%27s_laws_of_motion
- Parasympathetic Nervous System -https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Parasympathetic_nervous_system
- My website: code4couples.com
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- Cyndi Doyle, law enforcement officer wife and licensed professional counselor, discusses the importance for first responders and law enforcement officers to open up to their spouses and partners, since keeping things in can have more consequences than they may realize. Not only can “bottling things up” harm your mental health but it can take a toll on your physical and emotional health as well and unfortunately that affects your significant others. Cyndi talks about four steps to create a healthy habit in opening up to your spouse or partner and build a better connection. They include: start small, share something that’s slightly uncomfortable, find some emotional content about you and not about the public, and then if you want bonus points you’re going to share why you have that emotional content.
- Intro and Outro music by Big State “Bad Timing / Bad Luck”
- Last week’s podcast episode: http://code4couples.libsyn.com/episode-9-making-space-for-your-leo
- Inside Out Movie: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Inside_Out_(2015_film)
- My website: code4couples.com
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- Intro and Outro music by Big State “Bad Timing / Bad Luck”
- Cyndi Doyle – LEO wife and licensed professional counselor
- Rehab Unit for First Responders: http://www.firstrespondersrecovery.com/police-officers/
- Brene Brown – The Power of Vulnerability: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iCvmsMzlF7o
- Brene Brown – Empathy Cartoon: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Evwgu369Jw
- Four ways to ‘Make Space’ for your LEO or First Responder: 1. Listen to the story and suggest emotion 2. Ask open-ended questions 3. Empathize with any emotion that you’re hearing 4. Shut Up.
- Deep conversation = more intimacy
- LEO and First Responder marriages have a 60% divorce rate
- My website: code4couples.com
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- Intro and Outro music by Big State “Bad Timing / Bad Luck”
- Cyndi Doyle – LEO wife and licensed professional counselor
- Numbing: http://www.dictionary.com/browse/numbing Recovery: http://www.dictionary.com/browse/recovery
- OODA Loop Podcast: http://code4couples.libsyn.com/episode-4-does-your-leo-ooda
- Hypervigilance: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hypervigilance
- Brene Brown: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bren%C3%A9_Brown
- No-Doz: http://www.nodoz.com/Caffeine_caplet.html and Adderall: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Adderall
- Candy Crush: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Candy_Crush_Saga
- Balance between taking care of yourself and numbing out.
- QVC: http://www.qvc.com/
- Get curious about what you might be avoiding.
- Set up some recovery rituals. Recovery is a necessity.
- EAP - https://www.opm.gov/faqs/QA.aspx?fid=4313c618-a96e-4c8e-b078-1f76912a10d9&pid=2c2b1e5b-6ff1-4940-b478-34039a1e1174
- My website: code4couples.com
- Social Media: Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/cyndidoylelpc/
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- Intro and Outro music by Big State “Bad Timing / Bad Luck”
- Cyndi Doyle – LEO wife and licensed professional counselor
- Anxiety - https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/anxiety
- Xanax - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alprazolam
- Forms of anxiety - anger, depression, worry, and addiction
- Stinkin-Thinkin - https://psychcentral.com/lib/the-top-10-types-of-stinkin-thinkin/
- Cognitive Traps - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cognitive_traps_for_intelligence_analysis
- Fight or Flight - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fight-or-flight_response
- Amygdala - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Amygdala
- Cortisol - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cortisol
- Bob Newhart: Stop It - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ow0lr63y4Mw
- Kristin Neff - http://self-compassion.org/
- John Gottman - https://www.gottman.com/
- Tips to deal with anxiety: 1. Breathe. 2. Acknowledge the feeling and the thought. 3. Spin the belief. 4. Reach out to support system. 5. Change behavior. 6. Talk to your spouse.
- EAP - https://www.opm.gov/faqs/QA.aspx?fid=4313c618-a96e-4c8e-b078-1f76912a10d9&pid=2c2b1e5b-6ff1-4940-b478-34039a1e1174
- My website: code4couples.com
- Social Media: Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/cyndidoylelpc/
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- Intro and Outro music by Big State “Bad Timing / Bad Luck”
- Cyndi Doyle – LEO wife and licensed professional counselor
- Ernesto Segismundo: https://www.fylmit.com/
- B-roll: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/B-roll
- Perspective: http://www.dictionary.com/browse/perspective
- Teddy Roosevelt: https://quotefancy.com/quote/33048/Theodore-Roosevelt-Comparison-is-the-thief-of-joy
- OODA Loop: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/OODA_loop
http://code4couples.libsyn.com/episode-4-does-your-leo-ooda
- My website: code4couples.com
- Social Media: Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/cyndidoylelpc/
Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/cyndi_doyle/?hl=en
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- Intro and Outro music by Big State “Bad Timing / Bad Luck”
- Cyndi Doyle from Code4Couples with special guest Lisa Lerner from Bless the Badge
- Bless the Badge Website: http://blessthebadge.com/
- Adopt –a-Cop: http://adopt-a-cop.org/
- In Faith Ministries: https://www.infaithministries.org/
- 501C3: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/501(c)_organization
- Police Chaplain: http://www.pastoralcounseling.org/career/police-chaplain
https://www.policeone.com/police-jobs-and-careers/articles/5728400-How-police-chaplains-can-serve-your-community/
- Allison Uribe “Wives on Duty”: http://www.wivesonduty.com/
- “Cuffs and Coffee” by Allison Uribe - https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01MY7Y044/ref=dp-kindle-redirect?_encoding=UTF8&btkr=1
- Allison Uribe’s First Book “Because I’m Suitable: The Journey of a Wife on Duty”: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B007QEL0UC/ref=dp-kindle-redirect?_encoding=UTF8&btkr=1
- Sam Browne Belt: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sam_Browne_belt
- Bless the Badge Events are FREE!
- Police marriages have an 85% divorce rate
- Isolation is never good.
- Bless the Badge’s goal is to give hope.
- There’s a different challenge in each stage.
- When he signs up – you sign up too.
- The Blue Family is the biggest family!
- Be flexible and learn about hypervigilance.
- Sign Up for the Bless the Badge Workshops here: http://blessthebadge.com/events/
- My website: code4couples.com
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- Intro and Outro music by Big State “Bad Timing / Bad Luck”
- Cyndi Doyle – therapist, educator, blogger, and LEO wife
- Duomo in Milan - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Duomo
- Oxytocin - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Oxytocin
- When trying to have a moment with your LEO but they are off in their own world… what is that? : OODA Loop - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/OODA_loop
- Observe, Orient, Decide and Act
- Colonel John Boyd coined OODA Loop -https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/John_Boyd_(military_strategist)
- Observe – constantly scanning surroundings
- Orient - information gets run through a mental filter
- Decide – choosing what’s the best option to take care of the potential danger
- Act – the action that is taken to take care of the danger
- Be empathetic and understanding of the mental exhaustion that this can cause to your LEO or first responder.
- Blog Post: https://code4couples.com/why-crowds-and-lines-can-be-overwhelming-the-ooda-loop/
- Open up a conversation about the OODA Loop with your LEO or first responder.
- My website: code4couples.com
- Social Media: Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/cyndidoylelpc/
Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/cyndi_doyle/?hl=en
LinkedIn - https://www.linkedin.com/in/cyndidoylelpc/
Pinterest - https://www.pinterest.com/cyndidoylelpc/pins/
Twitter - https://twitter.com/cyndidlpc
- Intro and Outro music by Big State “Bad Timing / Bad Luck”
- Cyndi Doyle – therapist, educator, blogger, and LEO wife
- Keep your marriage safe from affairs – how they happen and how to prevent them
- Facts about affairs and myths about affairs: connection, women in the workplace, social media, and even happy marriages can have affairs
- Emotional and physical affairs
- The Slow Slide
- “Check Yourself Before You Wreck Yourself”
- Boundaries – what’s okay and what’s not okay
- Intimate conversation is a must – get curious!
- “Love Languages” by Gary Chapman - http://www.5lovelanguages.com/profile/
- Transparency – secrets open windows
- My website: code4couples.com
- Intro and Outro music by Big State “Bad Timing / Bad Luck”
- Cyndi Doyle – Licensed Professional Counselor and Law Enforcement Officer Wife
- Plans to go see U2 in concert with my brother while my husband was working
- As significant others of first responders or LEOs, we condition ourselves to fit their world.
- Psychology 101: Skinner’s Box / Operant Conditioning - https://www.simplypsychology.org/operant-conditioning.html
- Conditioning or automatic response could be positive or negative. Negative conditioning could lead to resentment.
- John and Julie Gottman, couples experts, “Masters of Relationships and Disasters of Relationships” – contempt in the relationship - https://www.gottman.com/
- State what your needs are and how you are feeling.
- Come up with a compromise by honoring each other’s core need. Share what areas you are flexible in and areas that you are inflexible in.
- Don’t forget your balance – the relationship needs along with your personal needs.
- My website: www.code4couples.com
- Intro and Outro music by Big State “Bad Timing / Bad Luck”
- Cyndi Doyle – Licensed Professional Counselor and Law Enforcement Officer Wife
- My husband became an officer after we got married and I went through that journey with him from the beginning.
- September 2001 – Trip to New York for a wedding.
- It took us awhile to really understand each other’s world in our careers.
- OODA Loop - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/OODA_loop
- The book “On Killing” by Dave Grossman - https://www.amazon.com/s/?ie=UTF8&keywords=on+killing+the+psychological+cost&tag=googhydr-20&index=aps&hvadid=177084902846&hvpos=1t1&hvnetw=g&hvrand=16970262652746620086&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=b&hvdev=c&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=9027252&hvtargid=kwd-11913760487&ref=pd_sl_95qhhn8ycm_b
- “Off duty isn’t off duty” – the start of creating Code4Couples.
- Keeping your relationship Code 4, educate on police culture and mental health of the officers and their significant others.
- My website – code4couples.com