Footprints On Our Hearts: Recent Episodes

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In the final episode of this season, I talk to Sheri Johnson about how she found joy in life after loss. Sheri suffered three miscarriages and infertility before deciding not to undergo further fertility treatment. She now helps others find healing and joy after pregnancy loss.

In the interview, we talk about:

• Sheri’s first miscarriage and delivering her baby on the toilet (13:37)
• Struggling to get pregnant again, miscarrying and a suspect ectopic pregnancy (19:42)
• Hearing a heartbeat for the first time, only to then miscarry a third child (23:38)
• Exploring spiritual healing to come to terms with her grief (35:54)
• Discussing donor conception and deciding not to continue with fertility treatment (39:50)
• Accepting life without kids and finding healing and joy after loss (45:52)
• Self-love and the power of meditation (57:15)

You can connect with Sheri on Instagram @miscarriageloveandloss or join her Facebook group at Miscarriage Love and Loss. She has a free roadmap – From Grief to Joy After a Miscarriage – which you can download at sherijohnson.ca/roadmap.

I’m taking a break from the podcast, so this will be the final episode for a while. If you’re a new listener, please do check out the backlist – there are 60 episodes to listen to, covering a range of experiences. This is the club that none of us wanted to join, but I hope listening to other people’s stories helps you on your journey through grief.

Thanks to Izzy Syme for editing and producing the show.

If you enjoy the podcast, please leave a rating or review on your podcast app.

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In episode 59 of Footprints on our Hearts, I chat to Rachael and Hannah about their experience of baby loss and pregnancy after loss. Rachael is Hannah’s mother and grandmother to Grace who died shortly after she was born in 2018.

In the interview we talk about:

• Hannah’s pregnancy with Grace and going into premature labour when she was 21 weeks pregnant (5:44)
• Having Grace whisked away and not being told that she had been born alive (15:24)
• Hannah’s experience of grief and how Rachael felt trying to support her daughter through her dark days (23:32)
• Receiving support from Tommy’s following Grace’s death and when pregnant with her son, Jude (30:39)
• How Rachael felt when she found out Hannah was pregnant again (35:14)
• Hannah’s experience of pregnancy after loss and going into premature labour for the second time (38:39)
• Jude’s birth, NICU journey and how nearly losing him triggered Hannah’s grief over Grace (43:04)
• Why fundraising for Tommy’s is so important to Rachael (53:29)

You can connect with Rachael on Instagram @cyclingthighs and find out more about her latest endurance challenge to raise money for Tommys @run.swim.bike.hike.

Thanks to Izzy Syme for editing and producing the show.

If you have any feedback on the show, suggestions for guests or would like to share your story, you can connect with me on Instagram (https://www.instagram.com/footprintsonourhearts/), Twitter (https://twitter.com/skyesfootprints) or email alison@footprintsonourhearts.com. If you enjoy the podcast, please leave a rating or review on your podcast app! You can support the show on Patreon - https://www.patreon.com/footprintsonourhearts

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In Episode 58 of Footprints on our Hearts, I talk to Ali Ande, whose first son, DJ was sadly stillborn in 2016. Her second son Grayson and her third son, Gavin were both born prematurely, Gavin at the height of the covid-19 pandemic last year.

In the interview, we talk about:

• Ali’s journey to getting pregnant and the naivety of pregnancy before loss (09:13)
• Going into hospital to give birth to DJ and spending time with him after he was born (20:44)
• How a nurse’s wise words helped prepare Ali for grief (27:08)
• Experiencing anxiety while pregnant with her second son, Grayson, and how she felt when he was in NICU (31:10)
• Her third pregnancy with Gavin and giving birth during a global pandemic (38:41)
• Why she created a platform to support other bereaved parents (44:04)
• How she feels raising black kids in America today (50:48)

You can connect with Ali on Instagram @aliandeenterprise and find out more about her on her website: https://www.aliandeenterprise.com/.

Thanks to Izzy Syme for editing and producing the show.

If you enjoy the podcast, please leave a rating or review on your podcast app! You can support the show on Patreon - https://www.patreon.com/footprintsonourhearts

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In Episode 57 of Footprints on our Hearts, I welcome Ruth Hopkins back to the podcast! Ruth was my guest in Episode 4, when we talked about her ectopic pregnancy, her son, Dexter, who was stillborn, and her subsequent miscarriage. Last year, Ruth and Dave decided to apply to become adoptive parents and Ruth kindly agreed to come back onto the podcast to talk about the process their went through and the emotional aspect of deciding to grow their family in a different way.

In the interview, we talk about:

• Ruth’s experience of baby loss and unexplained secondary infertility (05:05)
• Why they decided to explore adoption (17.33)
• The process Ruth and Dave went through to become prospective adoptive parents (21:55)
• How counselling has helped her process her grief and put her in a position to empathise with children who have been through traumatic experiences (31:45)
• Finding out they’d been approved as p (38:23)
• De-Dextering Dexter’s room and preparing their home for a new child (47:25)
• Coming to terms with not being able to involve Dexter in their child’s life in the same way as they would have done had he had a biological sibling (53.05)

You can connect with Ruth on Instagram @ruth_and_her_bear and @born_from_the_heart.

Thanks to Izzy Syme for editing and producing the show.

If you enjoy the podcast, please leave a rating or review on your podcast app! You can connect with me on Instagram (https://www.instagram.com/footprintsonourhearts/), Twitter (https://twitter.com/skyesfootprints) or email alison@footprintsonourhearts.com. You can support the show on Patreon - https://www.patreon.com/footprintsonourhearts

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This week, I talk with Laura Gallagher, the author of Robo-Babies a children’s book that explains the many varied ways in which families can form. We discuss Laura’s experience of IVF, parenting after infertility, birth trauma and loss, and the two ectopic pregnancies she sadly experienced after her son’s birth.

In the interview, we talk about:

• Feeling embarrassed and alone having been told they would need to go through IVF to conceive (15:02)
• The pressure of only having one viable embryo and Rafe’s birth (19:46)
• The challenges of bonding with your baby after infertility, birth trauma or loss (26:56)
• Getting pregnant naturally and finding out it was ectopic (35:04)
• Experiencing a second ectopic pregnancy and why this was so much harder (42:14)
• Laura’s experience of grief after loss (48:45)
• Why she decided to write Robo-Babies (58:00)

You can connect with Laura on Instagram @robomummy and get a copy of Robo-Babies from Owlet Press or all good bookstores!

In the introduction, I talk about the Channel 4 documentary, The Black Maternity Scandal, and Chine McDonald’s article in the Independent on why she used her husband’s whiteness to keep her safe.

Thanks to Izzy Syme for editing and producing the show.

If you have any feedback on the show, suggestions for guests or would like to share your story, you can connect with me on Instagram (https://www.instagram.com/footprintsonourhearts/), Twitter (https://twitter.com/skyesfootprints) or email alison@footprintsonourhearts.com. If you enjoy the podcast, please leave a rating or review on your podcast app! You can support the show on Patreon - https://www.patreon.com/footprintsonourhearts

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This week, I talk to Claire Cassidy about her son, Finn, who lost his fight for life after 34 days. Finn was diagnosed with three congenital heart defects and underwent multiple surgeries before he sadly passed away. We chat about Finn, Claire’s grief and the impact on her older son, Lucas, who wasn’t allowed into the hospital to see his brother due to Covid-19 regulations.

In the interview, we talk about:

• Realising Finn wasn’t well, being rushed to the NICU then transferred to Glasgow Children’s Hospital (6:56)
• Receiving a diagnosis of three heart conditions and watching Finn undergo two open-heart surgeries (14:26)
• Finding out there had been catastrophic complications during further surgery and holding Finn while he passed away (20:13)
• Why Lucas wasn’t able to see his baby brother in hospital and how that impacted his grief (29:27)
• Claire’s experience of grief and a bereaved mother’s guilt (34:45)
• What Finn has taught her about life and celebrating his memory (37:56)

You can connect with Claire on Instagram @clairecassidy96. Claire and Mark received support from two charities who they’re now fundraising for: Brightest Star and The Zak Braveheart Foundation.

If you have any feedback on the show, suggestions for guests or would like to share your story, you can connect with me on Instagram (https://www.instagram.com/footprintsonourhearts/), Twitter (https://twitter.com/skyesfootprints) or email alison@footprintsonourhearts.com. If you enjoy the podcast, please leave a rating or review on your podcast app! You can support the show on Patreon - https://www.patreon.com/footprintsonourhearts

Thanks to Izzy Syme for editing and producing this episode.

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In Episode 54, I chat with Sarah Chapman about her daughter Eliza, who was stillborn in 2018, and her rainbow baby, Liberty. We discuss grief, secondary infertility, IVF and parenting after loss, plus how they include Eliza in their day-to-day family life.

In the interview, we talk about:

• Sarah’s pregnancy with Eliza, going into labour and finding out her baby had died (7:38)
• How Sarah felt about meeting Eliza after she was born (16:31)
• How having her parents live in the States and suffering a further family bereavement shortly after Eliza’s death impacted on Sarah and her husband’s grief (26:57)
• Sharing Eliza’s story and fundraising in her memory (33:24)
• Deciding to try again and having to go through IVF to get pregnant with their second daughter (37:07)
• How covid 19 had a positive impact on Sarah’s experience of pregnancy after loss (43:04)
• Parenting after loss and how they include Eliza in their family (44:56)

You can connect with Sarah on Instagram @ourlittlesnowdrop and on Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/elizasmummy.

Sarah mentions a couple of her favourite books for talking to children about baby loss and IVF. These are These Precious Little People by Frankie Brunker (@thesepreciouslittlepeople) and Robo-Babies by Laura Gallagher (@robomummy).

If you have any feedback on the show, suggestions for guests or would like to share your story, you can connect with me on Instagram (https://www.instagram.com/footprintsonourhearts/), Twitter (https://twitter.com/skyesfootprints) or email alison@footprintsonourhearts.com. If you enjoy the podcast, please leave a rating or review on your podcast app! You can support the show on Patreon - https://www.patreon.com/footprintsonourhearts

Thanks to Izzy Syme for editing and producing this episode.

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In Episode 53 of Footprints on our Hearts, I chat to Clint Watkins who lost two sons at different stages of pregnancy. We discuss Clint and his wife’s dilemma over whether to continue with her pregnancy after having been told their son would not survive and what plans they made to honour their son both during pregnancy and after he was born.

We also chat about Clint’s faith and the role of grief and lamentation in faith.

In the interview, we talk about:

• Getting pregnant and finding out that their baby had anencephaly (2:18)
• Facing an impossible decision and deciding to continue with the pregnancy (8:53)
• Preparing for Eli’s birth and death and making memories during pregnancy (15:33)
• Meeting Eli after his birth and planning his funeral (24:48)
• The role of lamentation in faith (31:09)
• Losing their second son, Rowe to miscarriage (35:40)
• Why he decided to speak out about baby loss (41:27)

You can connect with Clint on Instagram @clintdwatkins and read his blog - www.frailfather.com.

If you have any feedback on the show, suggestions for guests or would like to share your story, you can connect with me on Instagram (https://www.instagram.com/footprintsonourhearts/), Twitter (https://twitter.com/skyesfootprints) or email alison@footprintsonourhearts.com. If you enjoy the podcast, please leave a rating or review on your podcast app! You can support the show on Patreon - https://www.patreon.com/footprintsonourhearts

Thanks to Izzy Syme for editing and producing this episode.

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This week, I have a special bonus episode to celebrate one year of the podcast! I’ve been catching up with a few of my past guests, reflecting on what I’ve learned from talking to so many parents about their experiences of baby loss and sharing my own reflections on the past year.

In Part One, I share seven things I’ve learned from the stories that I’ve shared on Footprints on our Hearts. (3:10)

In Part Two (18:00), I share some reflections on the past year.

In my mini interview with Karl, we talk about the healing that his third child has brought to their lives, the motivation behind his sporting challenges, how training helps him reflect and his upcoming endurance challenge raising money for Tommy’s. (19:27)

You can listen to Karl’s story in Episode 20 of the podcast and connect with him on Instagram @the_ambitious_endurance. You can also support him and the team completing the West Highland Way challenge @run.swim.bike.hike.

In my mini interview with Lucy, we talk about the meaning of balance, how to prioritise self-care when you’re juggling too many plates and why asking for help isn’t a failure. (30:18)

You can listen to Lucy’s story in Episode 20 and connect with her on Instagram @_mother_of_one_. You can find out more about the Rainbow Running and Yoga Club and all the events Lucy and her team organise at https://www.rainbowrunningclub.co.uk/.

In my reflections on the past year, I talk about passing key grief milestones, pregnancy after loss and searching for balance in my life. (44:05)

I wrap up the episode by reflecting on the seasons of life we find ourselves in and accepting that there is a time for everything.

If you have any feedback on the show, suggestions for guests or would like to share your story, you can connect with me on Instagram (https://www.instagram.com/footprintsonourhearts/), Twitter (https://twitter.com/skyesfootprints) or email alison@footprintsonourhearts.com. If you enjoy the podcast, please leave a rating or review on your podcast app! You can support the show on Patreon - https://www.patreon.com/footprintsonourhearts

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In Episode 51 of Footprints on our Hearts, I chat with Claire and Andrew about their daughter Alexandra who died shortly after she was born. Claire describes Alexandra as having the dubious accolade of being “the biggest and the sickest baby on the NICU”.

We discuss why they chose to explore organ donation, grief, counselling, and pregnancy and parenting after loss. Following the arrival of the couple’s second daughter, Ophelia, they experienced two years of unexplained infertility. At the time of recording the interview, Claire was pregnant with their third child and they have since welcomed baby Daphne into the world.

In the interview, we talk about:

• Claire’s pregnancy with Alexandra and being rushed for an emergency c-section the day before her planned induction (10:27)
• Alexandra’s birth (14:11)
• Trying to keep Alexandra alive (25:40)
• Deciding to donate her organs and how this affected their search for answers (32:22)
• Grief, going back to work and receiving counselling (34:55)
• Getting pregnant again and pregnancy after loss (39:59)
• Parenting after loss while grieving Alexandra (46:36)
• Experiencing unexplained secondary infertility (51:46)

You can connect with Claire on Instagram @afteralexandra36 and find out more about Alexandra on her blog www.afteralexandra.co.uk.

In the introduction, I mention my husband’s latest endurance challenge to raise money for Tommy’s. He’s part of the @run.swim.bike.hike team planning a triathlon version of the West Highland Way this summer. Please do check out their Instagram page to support them!

If you have any feedback on the show, suggestions for guests or would like to share your story, you can connect with me on Instagram (https://www.instagram.com/footprintsonourhearts/), Twitter (https://twitter.com/skyesfootprints) or email alison@footprintsonourhearts.com. If you enjoy the podcast, please leave a rating or review on your podcast app! You can support the show on Patreon - https://www.patreon.com/footprintsonourhearts

Thanks to Izzy Syme for editing and producing this episode.

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In this week’s episode, I chat with Asma Bi about her daughter, Sujdah, who was stillborn in 2018, her Islamic faith and how this helped her grieve. In the same year that Sujdah passed, Asma suffered an extreme allergic reaction to medication which she barely survived. We discuss how this terrible experience helped her accept and be at peace with Sujdah’s death.

In the interview, we talk about:

• Asma’s pregnancy with her daughter, Sujdah, and the events leading up to finding out she had passed away. (6:12)
• Meeting Sujdah after she was born. (17:07)
• How her family supported her and Asma’s belief that her daughter is with God. (21:32)
• Asma’s experience of grief in the early weeks (23:27)
• Travelling to Pakistan to be with her husband and suffering an extreme allergic reaction to medication (25:52)
• Being diagnosed with toxic epidermal necrolysis, returning to the UK and being close to death (31:41)
• Why Asma decided to write a book about her experiences (39:07)

You can connect with Asma on Instagram @angelmommy17022018 and buy her book, My Stillbirth Yet Still Here, on Amazon.

If you have any feedback on the show, suggestions for guests or would like to share your story, you can connect with me on Instagram (https://www.instagram.com/footprintsonourhearts/), Twitter (https://twitter.com/skyesfootprints) or email alison@footprintsonourhearts.com. If you enjoy the podcast, please leave a rating or review on your podcast app! You can support the show on Patreon - https://www.patreon.com/footprintsonourhearts

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In Episode 49 of Footprints on our Hearts, I talk to Christina Rothwell about her experience of losing her baby daughter during the Covid-19 pandemic and the impact the changes to maternity care had on her pregnancy.

In the interview, we talk about:

• Getting pregnant and finding out she had a fibroid on the outside of her uterus and low PAPP-A (6:27)
• Going in for a repeat scan at 21-weeks and finding out her baby had died. (24:53)
• Being given a tablet to prepare her body for labour and going in to give birth (31:38)
• Deciding not to meet her baby, then changing her mind after she was born (39:44)
• Meeting Peanut and feeling scared about what she’d look like (49:11)
• Getting the post-mortem results but still not getting certainty over why she had died (53:49)
• Christina’s experience of PTSD and how therapy has helped her overcome her trauma (56:14)

You can connect with Christina on Instagram @christinarothwell.

I’ll be moving to fortnightly interview episodes for the next few months with additional solo shows or special episodes slotted in between. If you’d like to support the podcast and help me keep putting out episodes, please consider becoming a patron of the show - https://www.patreon.com/footprintsonourhearts

If you have any feedback on the show, suggestions for guests or would like to share your story, you can connect with me on Instagram (https://www.instagram.com/footprintsonourhearts/), Twitter (https://twitter.com/skyesfootprints) or email alison@footprintsonourhearts.com. If you enjoy the podcast, please leave a rating or review on your podcast app!

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Episode 48 of Footprints on our Hearts is a special solo show on living with loss in 2021. I think we can all agree that 2020 for most people was a really tough year, and I very much hope that 2021 sees a return to a normality that involves hugging, human interaction and not being trapped inside our homes!

I’ve spent the past couple of weeks reflecting on my grief journey over the past year and on how we can balance living our best life while allowing ourselves space to grieve. It’s something I’ve talked about with some of my podcast guests and I wanted to share my thoughts and theirs with you.

How can we choose happiness while living with loss? How do we build a life that meets our needs and includes the babies we hold in our hearts?

In the episode, I talk about:

• Choosing a word of the year to help you focus on the person you want to be and take control of your life (9:15)
• Creating time and space for grief (15:00)
• Habits and daily practices (18:10)
• Dealing with overwhelm (25:02)

I mention the following books:

• Atomic Habits by James Clear
• Rising Strong by Brené Brown
• Untamed by Glennon Doyle
• The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron

If you have any feedback on the show, suggestions for guests or would like to share your story, you can connect with me on Instagram (https://www.instagram.com/footprintsonourhearts/), Twitter (https://twitter.com/skyesfootprints) or email alison@footprintsonourhearts.com. If you enjoy the podcast, please leave a rating or review on your podcast app! You can support the show on Patreon - https://www.patreon.com/footprintsonourhearts

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This week, I talk with Robyn whose daughter, Mackenzie, passed away when she was just two months old as a result of an undiagnosed heart defect. We also talk a lot about Austin, Mackenzie’s younger brother, his fight for life and why Robyn has never thought of him as her “rainbow baby”.

In the interview, we talk about:

• Robyn’s pregnancy with Mackenzie and what she was like as a baby (6:24)
• The events that led up to Mackenzie’s passing (9:47)
• Being questioned after her death and the botched autopsy (18:52)
• Falling pregnant with her son after struggling to conceive and finding out he had problems with his heart (31:34)
• Moving city to give birth to her son who had open heart surgery when he was just 36 hours old (41:12)
• Robyn’s pregnancy with her youngest daughter (52:48)
• How they remember Mackenzie (54:05)

I’ll be taking a break from the podcast over Christmas and the New Year, but will be back with the next episode on January 8th. If you’re wanting to listen to more baby loss stories over the festive period, please check out the backlist of 46 episodes!

Thank you for your support over the past year and special thanks to my patrons who help me keep the podcast going. I wish you all a gentle Christmas.

If you have any feedback on the show, suggestions for guests or would like to share your story, you can connect with me on Instagram (https://www.instagram.com/footprintsonourhearts/), Twitter (https://twitter.com/skyesfootprints) or email alison@footprintsonourhearts.com. If you enjoy the podcast, please leave a rating or review on your podcast app! You can support the show on Patreon - https://www.patreon.com/footprintsonourhearts

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In Episode 46 of Footprints on our Hearts, guest host, Chainie Jackson talks to Emily about her son Sawyer, who was diagnosed with hydrops during the second trimester of her pregnancy and sadly passed away shortly after his birth.

In the interview, they talk about:

• Being told at their first scan that Sawyer had fluid around the back of his neck (4:02)
• Finding out Sawyer had hydrops fetalis and having various tests to determine the severity of his condition (10:22)
• Meeting with a panel of doctors and making plans to give Sawyer the best possible chance (24:15)
• Being admitted to hospital with severe swelling, finding out she had mirror syndrome and having to have an emergency caesarean section (29:02)
• Being told that Sawyer had passed away and meeting him for the first time (43:56)
• Spending time with Sawyer in the hospital (48:50)
• Emily’s favourite memories of her son (53:40)

You can connect with Emily on Instagram @sowingseedsofsawyer.

If you have any feedback on the show, suggestions for guests or would like to share your story, you can connect with me on Instagram (https://www.instagram.com/footprintsonourhearts/), Twitter (https://twitter.com/skyesfootprints) or email alison@footprintsonourhearts.com. If you enjoy the podcast, please leave a rating or review on your podcast app! You can support the show on Patreon - https://www.patreon.com/footprintsonourhearts

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This week, I talk to Jenna Johnson about her daughter, Poppy Hope, who died just 26 hours after birth in May 2020. Jenna was told Poppy was likely to die shortly after a premature rupture of membranes at 12 weeks, but Poppy proved to be a fighter and made it all the way to 33 weeks before arriving into the world.

In the interview, we talk about:

• Jenna’s bicornuate uterus and her pregnancy with her first child, Daisy (5:40)
• The early weeks of her pregnancy with Poppy and discovering she had premature rupturing of her membranes at 12 weeks (16:37)
• The impact of PPROM and being given a choice between miscarrying naturally or terminating her pregnancy (26:20)
• Research, second opinions and clinging to hope (30:22)
• Going into lockdown and the impact of Covid-19 on her antenatal care (40:50)
• Going into labour at 33 weeks, being left in triage alone and Jenna’s emergency c section (48:52)
• Poppy’s 26 hours of life (1:03:10)
• Making memories as a family at Claire House Hospice (1:13:14)

You can connect with Jenna on Instagram @Jenno01.

This week, I’ve put out a request for a volunteer editor! If you’re interested in helping me deliver the podcast and can commit to editing at least two episodes a month for three months, please get in touch. Full training will be provided.

If you have any feedback on the show, suggestions for guests or would like to share your story, you can connect with me on Instagram (https://www.instagram.com/footprintsonourhearts/), Twitter (https://twitter.com/skyesfootprints) or email alison@footprintsonourhearts.com. If you enjoy the podcast, please leave a rating or review on your podcast app! You can support the show on Patreon - https://www.patreon.com/footprintsonourhearts

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In Episode 44 of Footprints on our Hearts, guest host, Chainie Jackson talks to Jessica about her son Hector who was diagnosed with Edwards’ syndrome. As well as talking about Hector, they discuss the language used to deliver bad news and how this can affect parent’s perception of what their options are particularly around medical terminations.

In the interview, they talk about:

• Jessica’s pregnancy with Hector and finding out he was high risk for Edwards or Patau syndrome (7:13)
• Why the label “incompatible with life” doesn’t always give parents the full picture (9:32)
• Finding out Hector had a high probability of Edwards’ syndrome (17:04)
• Deciding not to terminate her pregnancy and battling with medical professionals who had written him off (28:42)
• Finally getting support for Hector from a consultant who treated him like a baby (37:50)
• Finding out that his placenta was failing and having to change his care plan (40:24)
• Having an emergency delivery and spending three hours and four minutes with Hector before he passed away (44:24)

In the intro I talk about Meghan, Duchess of Sussex opening up about her pregnancy. I mention that this is the first time I’ve heard of a member of the royal family talking about baby loss, however I need to correct that – both Sophie, Countess of Wessex and Zara Tindall, the Queen’s granddaughter have spoken out about their own experiences.

If you have any feedback on the show, suggestions for guests or would like to share your story, you can connect with me on Instagram (https://www.instagram.com/footprintsonourhearts/), Twitter (https://twitter.com/skyesfootprints) or email alison@footprintsonourhearts.com. If you enjoy the podcast, please leave a rating or review on your podcast app! You can support the show on Patreon - https://www.patreon.com/footprintsonourhearts

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This week, I have a special episode with thoughts and suggestions for how you can survive the festive season, involve your children in your celebrations and find happiness at this difficult time of year.

Although this episode is centred around Christmas, many of the ideas and suggestions are applicable to any festival or special occasion that you celebrate. These times of the year have so many hopes and dreams wound up in them that they can be really tough whether your loss is recent or many years ago.

I talk about:

• Letting go of expectations
• Coping with the build up to Christmas and 24 ideas for Advent to Remember
• How you might want to include your baby in your family’s Christmas celebrations
• How family and friends can support bereaved parents at this time of year

You can find out more about Advent to Remember on Instagram @thelegacyofleo or on The Legacy of Leo website: https://thelegacyofleo.com/adventtoremember/

Most importantly, please do be kind to yourself this Christmas. I hope this episode gives you some ideas and support for getting through the festive season and you can find some joy amongst the sadness and loss.

If you have any feedback on the show, suggestions for guests or would like to share your story, you can connect with me on Instagram (https://www.instagram.com/footprintsonourhearts/), Twitter (https://twitter.com/skyesfootprints) or email alison@footprintsonourhearts.com. If you enjoy the podcast, please leave a rating or review on your podcast app! You can support the show on Patreon - https://www.patreon.com/footprintsonourhearts

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In Episode 42 of Footprints on our Hearts, guest host, Karl, talks to Jenedy Paige about grief, her Christian faith, creativity and sport. Jenedy is a professional oil painter, a runner, weightlifter and Ninja Warrior. Her eldest son passed away in 2011 following a tragic accident when he was just three and a half years old.

Jenedy is really open and honest about how her faith was challenged in the aftermath of her son’s death and how she worked through this. Whether you are a person of faith or not, Jenedy has some great advice and practical tips on what helped her move through her grief and how she was able to let go of her broken heart. I found the interview both inspiring and full of hope that there can be life after loss.

In the interview, we talk about:

• The death of Jenedy’s eldest son and how she struggled with her faith in the months afterwards (7:08)
• How journaling, art and running helped her through her grief (12:35)
• How Jenedy and her husband kept their relationship together and the importance of date nights (29:50)
• Battling PTSD and how faith helped her let go of her broken heart (37:55)
• How they keep her son’s memory alive (43:25)
• Competing in Ninja Warrior in memory of him. (46:10)

You can connect with Jenedy on Instagram @jenedypaige and find her artwork on her website: jenedypaige.com.

If you have any feedback on the show, suggestions for guests or would like to share your story, you can connect with me on Instagram (https://www.instagram.com/footprintsonourhearts/), Twitter (https://twitter.com/skyesfootprints) or email alison@footprintsonourhearts.com. If you enjoy the podcast, please leave a rating or review on your podcast app! You can support the show on Patreon - https://www.patreon.com/footprintsonourhearts

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In Episode 41 of Footprints on our Hearts, I talk to Julie Beicken about her son, Wallace, who was stillborn at 37 weeks in 2019. Most mothers are induced to give birth to their stillborn child, but Julie chose an abdominal birth (caesarean section) for reasons she explains in the interview. We also talk about grief, endometriosis and exploring adoption.

In the interview, we talk about:

• Julie’s pregnancy with her daughter, Suzy, and coming to terms with having an emergency caesarean section (10:40)
• Getting pregnant with Wallace and how her pregnancy went (15:22)
• Finding out that Wallace had died and deciding to change her birth plan to have an abdominal birth (18:00)
• Meeting Wallace after his birth (37:08)
• How Julie’s grief has evolved over the past year and how it was different to her grief after her mother’s death in 2011 (42:30)
• Struggling to get pregnant again and deciding to look into adoption (51:30)
• Scattering Wallace’s ashes and having places to go to remember him (58:24)

You can connect with Julie on Instagram @rememberingwallace.

In the intro, I talk about National Fertility Awareness Week, a return to lockdown and making sure you feel safe at work if you’re currently pregnant. The template letter you can use to write to your employer and other advice on your legal rights can be found here: https://pregnantthenscrewed.com/covid-19/write-to-your-employer-risks-for-pregnant-women/

If you have any feedback on the show, suggestions for guests or would like to share your story, you can connect with me on Instagram (https://www.instagram.com/footprintsonourhearts/), Twitter (https://twitter.com/skyesfootprints) or email alison@footprintsonourhearts.com. If you enjoy the podcast, please leave a rating or review on your podcast app! You can support the show on Patreon - https://www.patreon.com/footprintsonourhearts

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In this week’s episode, guest host, Lucie Burns, talks to Cat Hardwick about her son Benjamin. Benjamin was an identical twin and after finding out he had died at 32 weeks, Cat carried him for a further two weeks before Benjamin and his living brother, Nathaneal, were delivered.

In the interview, they talk about:

• Finding out she was pregnant with identical twins and discovering at a routine scan that one of the twins had died (6:29)
• Discovering at a routine scan at 32 weeks that one of their twins had died (16:06)
• How the support of their friend and bereavement midwife helped Cat during the two weeks before the twins were delivered (26:24)
• Choosing to spend time with Benjamin after they were born (41:44)
• Nathaneal’s awareness of his twin brother and talking about Ben in day to day life (1:00:25)
• The importance of normalising death with children 1:06:07)

Read more about Cat’s story on her blog: https://navigatingthewhirlwind.blogspot.com/

You can hear Lucie’s story of her son, Benedict, in Episode 9 of the podcast.

In the intro, I mention Chrissy Teigen’s blog post about sharing her story and photos of her baby loss experience. You can read it here: https://chrissyteigen.medium.com/hi-2e45e6faf764  

If you have any feedback on the show, suggestions for guests or would like to share your story, you can connect with me on Instagram (https://www.instagram.com/footprintsonourhearts/), Twitter (https://twitter.com/skyesfootprints) or email alison@footprintsonourhearts.com. If you enjoy the podcast, please leave a rating or review on your podcast app! You can support the podcast on Patreon: https://patreon.com/footprintsonourhearts.

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In Episode 39 of Footprints on our Hearts, I talk to Josie Woods about her son, Oliver, who was stillborn after being diagnosed with a heart condition during pregnancy. We chat about the complex emotions associated with grief and why losing Oliver caused Josie and her partner to sell the home they’d so recently moved into.

In the interview, we talk about:

• Josie’s pregnancy with Oliver (3:58)
• Finding out that Oliver had a problem with his heart and coming to terms with the fact that he probably wouldn’t survive (8:38)
• Oliver’s death and giving birth to her son (14:16)
• The early weeks of grief and grieving during lockdown (23:22)
• Getting pregnant again and losing her rainbow baby (32:23)
• Struggling with feelings of jealousy around pregnancy announcements (41:02)
• Learning to remember Oliver in a happy way and speaking out about baby loss (44:12)

You can connect with Josie on Instagram @precious_little_footprints and read more about Oliver on her blog: https://preciouslittlefootprints.wordpress.com/

If you have any feedback on the show, suggestions for guests or would like to share your story, you can connect with me on Instagram (https://www.instagram.com/footprintsonourhearts/), Twitter (https://twitter.com/skyesfootprints) or email alison@footprintsonourhearts.com. If you enjoy the podcast, please leave a rating or review on your podcast app and consider supporting the podcast on Patreon (https://www.patreon.com/footprintsonourhearts).

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This week’s episode of Footprints on our Hearts is the concluding segment of my mini-series on pregnancy after loss. A few weeks ago, we welcomed our rainbow baby, Rowan, into the world. In this solo show, I talk about the final (and hardest) weeks of my pregnancy, Rowan’s birth and the emotional rollercoaster that is parenting after loss.

I’d like to give a big shout out to all the people who support the podcast on Patreon and in particular, to this week’s new patron, Julie, mum to Wallace who was stillborn in August last year. I am so grateful to all my patrons for helping me continue producing this podcast and sharing stories of baby loss. If you’d like to become a patron of the show you can by going to www.patreon.com/footprintsonourhearts.

You can also support the podcast by sharing it and leaving a rating or review on your podcast app.

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It’s the start of baby loss awareness week and I have a very special guest on the podcast – my husband, Sam. He has been my rock throughout our marriage and particularly over the last year and a half after losing Skye and during my pregnancy with our rainbow baby.

Sam is very much a lurker on the edge of the baby loss community, and unlike some of my previous guests who’ve chosen to speak out about their experiences, is quite a private person. For this reason, I think this episode might be particularly helpful for those dads and partners who perhaps don’t talk about their children as much, and for mums who maybe get frustrated that their partners don’t express their grief so openly.

In the interview we talk about:

• How Sam felt when I showed him the positive pregnancy test and his awareness of baby loss (12:37)
• Finding out that Skye had died and the in-between days (15:53)
• Going into hospital for Skye’s birth and seeing her for the first time (21:51)
• Feeling sidelined by staff as the birth partner and father (29:48)
• Sam’s grief journey, unpicking emotions and unexpected triggers (36:03)
• How we remember Skye in our day to day lives and talking to other people about her (42:05)
• His experience of pregnancy after loss (46:16)

In the intro, I talk about Baby Loss Awareness Week and the Wave of Light which will take place at 7pm on Thursday 15th October.

While this is a special time to remember our babies, it can also mean that feelings of grief, loss and anger can bubble up or overwhelm us, so do be gentle with yourselves, take time for self-care and to let yourself grieve if that’s what you need to do.

If you enjoy the podcast, I’d really appreciate it if you could leave a review on your podcast app. You can connect with me on Instagram (https://www.instagram.com/footprintsonourhearts/) and Twitter (https://twitter.com/skyesfootprints) or email alison@footprintsonourhearts.com.

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In Episode 36 of Footprints on our Hearts, I chat with Abi Bradley about her son, Lucas, who died aged 12 days old in 2014. We discuss the traumatic circumstances of Lucas’s death as well as Abi’s experience of pregnancy and parenting after loss. We also talk about PTSD, which Abi experienced most strongly some years after Lucas’s death.

In the interview, we cover:

• Abi’s pregnancy with Lucas and his birth and first 11 days
• What happened when Lucas fell suddenly sick and was rushed to hospital (10:20)
• The police arriving to question them only a few hours after Lucas died (17:49)
• Having to return to their house without him (23:17)
• Finding support through the Sands forum in the first weeks and months of grief (30:42)
• Abi’s experience of pregnancy after loss and bringing her daughters home (32:29)
• Parenting after loss and how EMDR therapy helped with PTSD (42:48)
• Why Abi decided to set up When You Wish Upon a Star (50:50)

You can connect with Abi on Instagram @abibradley.x. She also has an Instagram page and Facebook page for her business, When You Wish Upon a Star, selling beautiful cards and keepsakes with the baby loss community in mind.

Find our more on Abi’s website (https://whenyouwish-uponastar.co.uk/) and Etsy shop (https://www.etsy.com/uk/shop/wishuponastarbyabi).

If you’d like to support the show, the beginning of the month is the best time to do it! Find out more at https://www.patreon.com/footprintsonourhearts. You can also support the show by spreading the word and leaving a review or rating on your podcast app!

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This week, I’m delighted to welcome Cat Strawbridge, host of the Finally Pregnant podcast onto the show for a special episode on pregnancy and parenting after infertility and loss. We talk about our own experiences and have some tips for you if you’re currently pregnant.

As part of our conversation we talk about:

• Feelings on finding out you’re pregnant and when to tell people (10:28)
• Managing anxiety (and excitement) during pregnancy after loss (24:00)
• The loss of a "normal" pregnancy (43:46)
• How infertility and loss can affect your birth choices and when things don’t go to plan (54:00)
• Struggling to think about parenting and the ups and downs of parenting after loss (1:04:23)

If you’re pregnant after infertility or loss, I highly recommend listening to the Finally Pregnant podcast. Cat also created the Finally Pregnant Hang Out, a membership community for men and women who are finally pregnant and parenting.

You can connect with Cat on Instagram @tryingyears and find out more about the podcast and Hang Out on her website: https://www.catstrawbridge.com/. Cat is also one half of the dynamic duo @itscatandalice.

You can support the podcast and help me keep putting out weekly episodes on Patreon at https://www.patreon.com/footprintsonourhearts.

If you have any feedback on the show, suggestions for guests or would like to share your story, you can connect with me on Instagram (https://www.instagram.com/footprintsonourhearts/), Twitter (https://twitter.com/skyesfootprints) or email alison@footprintsonourhearts.com. If you enjoy the podcast, please leave a rating or review on your podcast app!

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In Episode 34 of Footprints on our Hearts, I welcome my first Canadian guest! Leigh Niwa’s daughter, Winry, was stillborn just a few months ago at the height of the covid-19 lockdown in Canada. Leigh’s experience of pregnancy, loss and grief has been overshadowed by the global pandemic that left them isolated and alone.

In the interview, we talk about:

• Leigh’s complicated journey to deciding to start a family later in life (8:30)
• The pandemic hitting, how this affected Leigh’s antenatal care and the lost opportunities to enjoy the final weeks of pregnancy (25:10)
• Going into labour and finding out Winry had died (37:58)
• Making memories after Winry was born (50:05)
• The impact of covid-19 and lockdown on Leigh’s grief and loneliness (57:04)
• Remembering Winry – lions, setting her free and terrible cakes (1:03:58)

You can connect with Leigh on Instagram at @elldot.niwa.

You can support the podcast and help me keep putting out weekly episodes on Patreon at https://www.patreon.com/footprintsonourhearts.

If you have any feedback on the show, suggestions for guests or would like to share your story, you can connect with me on Instagram (https://www.instagram.com/footprintsonourhearts/), Twitter (https://twitter.com/skyesfootprints) or email alison@footprintsonourhearts.com. If you enjoy the podcast, please leave a rating or review on your podcast app!

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This is a special extra episode of Footprints on our Hearts! I wanted to give you an update on my experience of pregnancy after loss as I start thinking about birth planning and also talk about the current impact of coronavirus on maternity care.

In this mini episode, I talk about:

• Getting through the final few weeks of pregnancy and how I’ve been trying to prepare for a positive birth experience.
• The key to getting a good night’s sleep (for me at least!).
• My anxieties around going in for induction without my husband and what I’ve been doing about it.
• The latest guidance from NHS England on getting maternity services back to normal and variations in restrictions across the country.
• How and why you might want to advocate for your rights around pregnancy and birth.

You can read the NHS England guidance here.

The Birthrights website has lots of information on your rights in pregnancy and birth and may be able to help you if you feel you’re not being supported appropriately.

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In Episode 33 of Footprints on our Hearts, I chat with Priya Shah about her triplets, Adhiya, Ariya and Adhira. Priya’s pregnancy was a rollercoaster of hope, heartbreak and difficult decisions, and sadly she only got to bring Adhiya home.

In the interview, we talk about:

• Priya’s journey to getting pregnant and finding out they were expecting triplets
• Facing the terrible decision over whether to reduce the pregnancy (14:43)
• Struggling to prepare for the birth of her babies (27:29)
• Baby loss being a taboo subject in her culture (32:35)
• Going into labour at 34 weeks and giving birth to Adhiya and Ariya (34:19)
• Being told Ariya wouldn’t survive and spending time with her (41:38)
• Grieving while dealing with the demands of being a parent to Adhiya (50:40)
• Involving all three of her children in family life and Indian culture (58:26)

You can connect with Priya on Instagram @our_one_of_three and read more about her story on her blog: https://ouroneofthree.com/

I have good news! Thanks to my wonderful volunteer guest hosts and editors, I should be able to continue putting out weekly episodes for at least the next few months.

If you’d like to support the podcast and help it remain viable for the long term, then please do consider becoming a Patreon support. You can support the podcast from just a few pounds a month with all the money going towards hosting, production and editing costs. Find out more at https://patreon.com/footprintsonourhearts.

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Today, I have a solo show for you! I talk about my experience of pregnancy after loss during the Covid-19 pandemic, including scanxiety, hanging onto hope through bad news, the third trimester we’re-bringing-a-baby-home panic and fears about what lies ahead in the fourth trimester.

I want to give a special shout out to the Tommy’s Rainbow Clinic in Manchester and especially to the amazing rainbow clinic team at Leeds General Infirmary for their incredible support during my pregnancy.

I’d love to know what you think of the solo shows, if you’d like to see more general discussion episodes in future and what topics you’d like me to cover. You can message me on Instagram or email me at alison@footprintsonourhearts.com.

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This week, I have a special episode with Karen Burgess, the Chief Executive and Founder of Petals, the baby loss counselling charity. We talk about grief, counselling and therapy after pregnancy or infant loss, some of the dark emotions that go alongside this and how the support Petals offer is different from more general counselling that may be available in your local area.

Karen is truly passionate about bereaved parents getting the support they need after losing a baby. Whether you’ve recently lost a baby, are still struggling years down the line or want to know more about the support that’s available, I think you’ll find this podcast episode really valuable.

As part of our conversation we talk about:

• Why Karen founded Petals and the importance of specialist support after baby loss (5:53)
• The difference between counselling and other forms of therapy (16:08)
• How the support Petals offer is different from general counselling and why it’s not as simple as “just grief” (20:50)
• The dark emotions that go alongside baby loss – guilt and shame (31:40)
• Anxieties around official records of mental health support and when the best time to seek counselling support is (42:16)
• How to go about finding counselling or other mental health support (49:56)
• How family and friends can support bereaved parents through their grief journey (55:05)

You can find out more about Petals, including how to access support and how to donate and support their work on their website: https://petalscharity.org/

I wanted to particularly mention the Petals Pioneers fundraising campaign that Petals are currently running to provide free online counselling services to people across the UK. This will make their specialist bespoke support available to more people who need it. Find out more: https://www.crowdfunder.co.uk/help-petals-pioneer-online-baby-loss-counselling

A huge thank you to my new patron this week, Hayley, and big thanks to all my patrons who help me keep the podcast running. Find out more at https://www.patreon.com/footprintsonourhearts

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In Episode 30 of Footprints on our Hearts, I talk with Amy Watson, a life coach who specialises in supporting women who’ve experienced baby loss. We talk about the two children Amy didn’t get to bring home – Lauren and River – and how their deaths affected her older children. She also has some very wise words on allowing ourselves to feel a full range of emotions.

In the interview, we discuss:

• Amy’s pregnancy with her fifth child, Lauren, and finding out her heart had stopped beating (14:35)
• Giving birth to Lauren and bringing their children in to meet their sister (20:33)
• Grieving Lauren while supporting her family and being pregnant with her rainbow baby (26:05)
• Her pregnancy with River, missed miscarriage and difficult recovery from a D&C (36:07)
• Remembering Lauren and River as part of their family (46:10)
• Learning to find joy and happiness again (50:25)
• Setting up her life coaching business to support baby loss moms (53:18)

You can connect with Amy on Instagram @amy.smoothstonescoaching and find out more about her coaching and podcast on her website https://smoothstonescoaching.com.

In the introduction, I talk about the indirect effects of Covid-19 and lockdown on occurrences of stillbirth and give a big shoutout to my wonderful new patrons!

To support the show and access exclusive patron benefits visit https://www.patreon.com/footprintsonourhearts.

If you have any feedback on the show, suggestions for guests or would like to share your story, you can connect with me on Instagram (https://www.instagram.com/footprintsonourhearts/), Twitter (https://twitter.com/skyesfootprints) or email alison@footprintsonourhearts.com.

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This week, I chat to Ariel about her son, Onyx, who died shortly after he was born due to premature labour. After several previous experiences of pregnancy loss, Ariel chose to be intentional in her grief after Onyx’s death and she’s done a lot to honour his memory.

We also talk a bit about pregnancy and parenting after loss and how Ariel included Onyx in her daughter’s birth.

In the interview, we talk about:

• Ariel’s first two experiences of pregnancy loss – a missed miscarriage followed by a second miscarriage (12:10)
• Falling pregnant with Onyx and going into labour at 20 weeks and 3 days (19:30)
• Experiencing a placental abruption and giving birth to Onyx (25:24)
• The first few weeks of grief and choosing to grieve intentionally (33:25)
• Taking part in the Fourth Trimester Body Project just a few weeks after Onyx’s birth (35:13)
• Honouring Onyx’s memory as part of the Day of the Dead / Day of the Little Angels celebrations (40:36) – read more in her blog post
• Ariel’s experience of pregnancy after loss and how she included Onyx in her daughter’s birth (46:40)
• The challenges of parenting after loss (52:32)

You can connect with Ariel on Instagram and Facebook and find out more about Onyx’s story and parenting after loss on her blog, A Rainbow From Onyx and her YouTube channel.

In the introduction to the podcast, I have a sensitive announcement to make, plus I’m asking for your help to keep the podcast running.

You can now support the podcast on Patreon! https://www.patreon.com/footprintsonourhearts

If you have any feedback on the show, suggestions for guests or would like to share your story, you can connect with me on Instagram (https://www.instagram.com/footprintsonourhearts/), Twitter (https://twitter.com/skyesfootprints) or email alison@footprintsonourhearts.com. If you enjoy the podcast, please leave a rating or review on your podcast app!

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In this week’s episode, I talk with Alexa Mosberger about the stillbirth of her daughter, Beatrice, at the height of the Covid-19 pandemic in the UK.

I am so grateful to Alexa for coming on to the podcast so soon after Beatrice’s death to share her experiences. Losing a baby at any time is a traumatic experience, but the added complexity of lockdown restrictions and loss of face-to-face support from both family and professional organisations makes navigating loss and grief even more difficult.

In the interview, we talk about:

• Alexa’s pregnancy with Beatrice and going into lockdown a week before the rest of the UK (16:10)
• Worries about how the pandemic would affect their maternity care and birth, trying to juggle home schooling and working from home while heavily pregnant (20:10)
• Waking up in the night, realising Beatrice wasn’t moving and going in for a check up (30:36)
• Finding out that Beatrice had died and being diagnosed with pre-eclampsia (34:23)
• Being induced and giving birth to Beatrice (47:20)
• The impact of lockdown and not being able to see her parents (59:47)
• How being in a lockdown bubble delayed the impact of grief and affected her judgement of risk (1:03:48)

In the intro, I talk about the new Consensus Guidelines on the Communication of Unexpected News Via Ultrasound which were released this week. It includes advice for sonographers on how to approach communicating uncertainties and bad news to parents and examples of phrases they could use. If you’d like to read the document, you can find it on the Sands website: https://sands.org.uk/about-sands/media-centre/news/2020/08/explaining-unexpected-baby-scan-news-expectant-parents

If you have any feedback on the show, suggestions for guests or would like to share your story, you can connect with me on Instagram (https://www.instagram.com/footprintsonourhearts/), Twitter (https://twitter.com/skyesfootprints) or email alison@footprintsonourhearts.com. If you enjoy the podcast, please leave a rating or review on your podcast app!

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This week, I have a long-distance interview with my first Australian guest! Jaimie-Lee Roy’s daughter, River died just 32 hours after being born prematurely in 2019. Jaimie-Lee’s wife’s pregnancy with River was far from straightforward and we discuss the challenges of being the non-birth mother during pregnancy, River’s birth and after she died.

In the interview we talk about:

• Their decision to start a family and finding out they were pregnant (05:00)
• Pregnancy complications and being told their baby was going to die at 13 weeks after premature rupture of membrane (11:25)
• Continuing with the pregnancy, knowing River would be born prematurely (27:33)
• Being admitted to hospital at 25 weeks (37:17)
• Her wife being rushed into theatre and being left in a room not knowing whether either Lisa or their baby would live (49:13)
• Meeting River and then having to say goodbye to her 32 hours later (56:25)
• Going home and struggling with loss of support, in particular for what Jaimie-Lee had been through as the mother who didn’t carry River (1:17:17)
• Going travelling in a converted bus, coming home and having to learn to live again (1:24:25)

You can find out more about River’s story and connect with Jaimie-Lee on Instagram @jaimieleeroy.

If you want to know more about the route to lesbian parenting and the legalities of donor conception and same-sex parenting in the UK, I recommend this blog post on The Legacy of Leo website.

In the introduction, I talk about the Jonah Bichotte Cowan law which was recently passed in the New York State Assembly and Senate. You can find out more here.

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Today, I’m joined on the podcast by Katie Ingram for a special episode on talking about baby loss and how to support grieving parents. If you know someone whose child has died and you’re not sure what to say or how to support them, this episode may help.

Katie has recently launched the No Words campaign to help create a public dialogue around baby loss. We talk about the things people say or don’t say when your baby dies and the impact that can have when you’re grieving.

As part of our conversation we talk about:

• Our own experiences of baby loss
• What the No Words campaign is all about
• Why everyone will know someone who has experienced pregnancy or infant loss
• Talking about baby loss and why it’s so important
• The uniqueness of baby loss grief compared to other types of grief
• How to support grieving parents – what to do and say
• How to support grieving parents – what not to do and say

You can find out more about Katie’s No Words campaign by following the hashtag #NoWords on Instagram or visiting her website (where you can also get your own No Words t-shirt!): https://withoutottilie.com/nowords/. Katie’s Instagram account is @withoutottilie.

Please do share this episode to help us break the silence and help family and friends support loved ones who have lost a baby.

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This week, I chat with Will Rivera II about his five-year journey through recurrent, unexplained pregnancy loss, male factor infertility and why he and his wife decided to start Fertility in Colour – a platform for women and men of colour who are battling recurrent pregnancy loss.

In the interview we talk about:

• Deciding to start a family and Will’s response to their first loss – a missed miscarriage at 8 weeks – and their four further losses (7:48)
• In the limbo of undiagnosed pregnancy loss and medical testing and struggling to get support from doctors (17:30)
• The challenges black and brown people face relating to infertility and pregnancy loss and learning to advocate for yourself (26:05)
• Male factor infertility and why it’s so hard for men to speak out about this (36:15)
• His experience of grief and why the support men need can differ from the support women need (45:40)
• Why Will and his wife decided to set up their platform, Fertility in Colour (53:35)

You can connect with Will on Instagram @fertilityincolourmen. You can also read his letter to his wife and other mothers on the blog: https://www.fertilityincolour.com/blog.

You can find out more about Fertility in Colour on their website (https://www.fertilityincolour.com/), Instagram (@fertilityincolour), YouTube and Facebook.  

In the introduction, I talk about a special project close to my heart and how you can help! More details are on the podcast website footprintsonourhearts.com.

If you enjoy the podcast and find it helpful, please do leave a rating or review on iTunes or your podcast app.

You can connect with me via email alison@footprintsonourhearts.com or get in touch with me on Instagram (https://www.instagram.com/footprintsonourhearts/) or Twitter (https://twitter.com/skyesfootprints).

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In Episode 24 of Footprints on our Hearts, I talk to Lucie Thompson whose daughter, Morwenna, was stillborn in September last year at 37 weeks.

Many parents worry about the impact of their baby’s death on siblings and we talk a lot in this episode about how Morwenna’s death affected her older sister, Illiya. We also chat about how Lucie has worked through her grief over the past seven months.

In the interview, we talk about:

• Lucie’s previous experience of pregnancy and birth and her pregnancy with Morwenna (4:05)
• Finding out Morwenna had died and giving birth to her (13:25)
• The impact of Morwenna’s death on their daughter, Illiya (35:40)
• Why they chose to have Morwenna cremated (42:47)
• Channelling her grief into gardening and jewellery making (46:38)

You can connect with Lucie on Instagram @luciesheppard and find her jewellery, including the necklace she designed for the baby loss community, on Etsy at My Little Bea Jewellery. Her shop is also on Instagram @mylittlebeajewellery.

If you have any feedback on the show, suggestions for guests or would like to share your story, you can connect with me on Instagram (https://www.instagram.com/footprintsonourhearts/), Twitter (https://twitter.com/skyesfootprints) or email alison@footprintsonourhearts.com. If you enjoy the podcast, please leave a rating or review on your podcast app!

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In this week’s episode of Footprints on our Hearts, I talk to Crystal-Gayle Williams about her son, Damani and creating a baby loss community in Jamaica.

Damani was delivered very prematurely after Crystal-Gayle developed sudden, severe pre-eclampsia and HELLP syndrome and sadly passed away two days after birth. After Damani’s death, Crystal-Gayle searched for a baby loss community in Jamaica and found nothing. So she set one up!

In the interview, we talk about:

• Getting pregnant and her pregnancy (9:35)
• Developing severe pre-eclampsia and HELLP syndrome and being told she’d have to have an emergency c-section (12:51)
• Preparing for her surgery, waking up and being unable to see her son (22:55)
• Finally seeing Damani on the day he died, two days after his birth (26:30)
• What support she received from the hospital after Damani died and why baby loss is a taboo subject in Jamaica (34:40)
• Her experience of grief in the early weeks and months and creating 4Damani (40:25)
• When she first started to speak out about her experience, creating a baby loss community and campaigning to get Jamaica to recognise pregnancy and infant loss awareness month (48:06)

You can connect with Crystal-Gayle and learn more about 4Damani on Instagram, Facebook and Twitter or on her website https://4damani.wordpress.com/.

I found this conversation with Crystal-Gayle hugely inspiring and I hope that wherever you are in the world and whatever you experience of baby loss, it helps you feel a bit less alone in your grief.

If you enjoy the podcast, please leave a rating or review! I do read them, and it helps inspire me to keep putting out these weekly episodes. You can get in touch with me on Instagram (https://www.instagram.com/footprintsonourhearts/) or Twitter (https://twitter.com/skyesfootprints) or email alison@footprintsonourhearts.com.

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In Episode 22 of Footprints on our Hearts, I talk to Nick Lang about his daughter Evalyn who was stillborn in November 2016. We talk about grief, connecting with other bereaved fathers and Nick’s experience of pregnancy after loss.

In the interview, we discuss:

• Finding out that their second daughter, Evalyn, had died and Evalyn’s birth (6:24)
• Breaking the news of Evalyn’s death to their son (19:31)
• Grieving and struggling with being back at work after Evalyn’s death (27:32)
• Setting up Sands United Solent and how it’s helped bring grieving dads together (35:37)
• Running the Great South Run with an empty pushchair with Evalyn’s name in it (41:05)
• Nick’s experience of pregnancy after loss (50:43)

You can find Nick on Instagram @diaryofalossdad and Facebook.

If you have any suggestions for guests for the podcast or you’d like to come on to talk about your experience of baby loss and legacy, I’d love to hear from you. As well as talking to parents, I’d love to talk to grandparents, other relatives or friends who’ve been affected by the loss of a child about their experiences. You can email alison@footprintsonourhearts.com or get in touch with me on Instagram (https://www.instagram.com/footprintsonourhearts/) or Twitter (https://twitter.com/skyesfootprints).

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This week, I talk to Elle Howe about her daughter, Giorgia, who was stillborn in August 2019. We talk about making memories, support through grief and what her son said to her when they told him his little sister wouldn’t be coming home.

In the interview, we talk about:

• Elle’s pregnancy with Giorgia and finding out her heart had stopped beating (11:15)
• Breaking the news to her son, Benedict (18:53)
• Going into hospital to give birth to Giorgia (23:50)
• Making memories and bringing Benedict to meet his baby sister (29:04)
• The support they got from friends and family in the weeks following Giorgia’s death and at her funeral (38:32)
• Milestones during the first year of grief (44:22)
• Benedict’s awareness of his sister and parenting after loss (50:21)

You can connect with Elle on Instagram @elle_howe. In the podcast, we talk about Remember My Baby, a charity who offers a gift of baby remembrance photography to UK parents who lose their baby, and Charlies Angel Centre, a baby loss bereavement support charity in Leeds.

In the introduction, I talk about some of the latest research published by Tommy’s into improving pre-eclampsia diagnosis and understanding premature birth. Find out more on their website.

If you have any feedback on the show, suggestions for guests or would like to share your story, you can connect with me on Instagram (https://www.instagram.com/footprintsonourhearts/), Twitter (https://twitter.com/skyesfootprints) or email alison@footprintsonourhearts.com. If you enjoy the podcast, please leave a rating or review on your podcast app!

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In Episode 20 of Footprints on our Hearts, I talk to Karl, a husband, father and obstetrician about his experience of recurrent miscarriage.

Karl is incredibly open and honest about how it took him many years and five miscarriages to accept the emotional aspect of the journey he and his wife have gone through, and be able to grieve the six babies they didn’t get to bring home.

In the interview we talk about:

• Karl’s first experience of miscarriage and his scientific, rational approach to baby loss. (6:30)
• Recurrent miscarriage following Elijah’s birth and breaking down his ivory tower. (18:30)
• The impact of recurrent loss and a busy career on his marriage. (34:38)
• How his experience of loss has fuelled his passion for helping others bring their children into the world. (40:50)
• Karl’s worries during Emma’s pregnancy with their daughter Ariella. (45:40)
• Why he chose to raise money for Tommy’s and how cycling helped him address his grief and learn more about himself. (1:04:05)

You can find Karl on Instagram @the_ambitious_endurance and Twitter @ambition2endure. He blogs on endurance sports, facing your fears and baby loss on his blog (https://ambitionendurance.wordpress.com/) and is currently fundraising for Tommy’s at https://uk.virginmoneygiving.com/Karl.

If you enjoy this episode, please leave a review of the podcast on your podcast app and share it with your friends!

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This week’s episode is the second half of my interview with Frankie Brunker, author of the book, These Precious Little People. You can listen to the first part of her story in Episode 17.

Frankie’s first child, her daughter, Esme, was stillborn in 2013. Years later, after having two further children, she decided to write the book, These Precious Little People, to help parents talk to children of all ages about baby loss.

In the interview, we talk about:

• Her experience of grief in the early days and weeks. (13:20)
• How attending her local Sands group helped and searching for answers. (15.47)
• Battling with self-doubt, shame and guilt (25:26)
• How her sister incorporated Esme in her children’s lives and the impact of Esme’s death on her nephew. (30:22)
• Pregnancy after loss, bringing her son home and reminders of Esme (37:40)
• Talking about Esme with her children. (50:48)
• Why she decided to write These Precious Little People (1:01:15)

You can connect with Frankie on Instagram @thesepreciouslittlepeople and find out more about her book on her website: https://preciouslittlepeople.wixsite.com/preciouslittlepeople/pre-order-a-copy.

The best place to buy a copy of These Precious Little People is on the website of Joel The Complete Package, as proceeds go to help support families through pregnancy and parenting after baby loss.

In the introduction, I talk about Skye’s first birthday and announce the giveaway winner. I also talk about some of the shocking statistics relating to pregnancy and infant loss and maternal death of black women in the UK.

This week, I wanted to give a special shout out to the Sisters in Loss podcast. The podcast has been going for almost 3 years with over 150 black women and men sharing their stories of pregnancy and infant loss and infertility. You can listen to the podcast on your usual podcast app or via the website: https://sistersinloss.com/

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In Episode 18 Part 2, I talk about my experiences of grief and depression, the loneliness of baby loss, searching for hope and how we’ve chosen to remember Skye. I also read out the letter I wish I had been able to give myself a year ago, in the weeks following Skye’s death. A letter of reassurance from my future self.

This part of the episode is split into four segments:

• Grief, depression and searching for happiness. (1:48)
• The impact of loss on friendships and relationships and how the Covid-19 pandemic brought feelings back to the surface. (29:56)
• Podcasting, fundraising and Skye’s legacy. (49:00)
• One year on – a letter to my past self. (1:00:55)

There's still time to enter Skye's birthday giveaway! Visit my Instagram page or the show notes at www.footprintsonourhearts.com for more information.

If you have any feedback on the show, suggestions for guests or would like to share your story, you can connect with me on Instagram (https://www.instagram.com/footprintsonourhearts/), Twitter (https://twitter.com/skyesfootprints) or email alison@footprintsonourhearts.com. If you enjoy the podcast, please leave a rating or review on your podcast app!

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No guest this week! Episode 18 is a two-part solo show in which I talk about my daughter, Skye, who was stillborn in 2019 and what I’ve learned during my first year of life after loss.

Part 1 of the episode is split into three segments:

• My pregnancy with Skye, feeling reduced movements and finding out she’d died. (5:43)
• The “in between time” between finding out she’d died and going into hospital to give birth. (22:35)
• Skye’s birth. Having to give birth on the main labour ward, feeling numb and not knowing what to do. (32:13)

The second part of the podcast deals with grief, loneliness and Skye’s legacy.

There's still time to enter Skye's birthday giveaway! Visit my Instagram page or the show notes at www.footprintsonourhearts.com for more information.

If you have any feedback on the show, suggestions for guests or would like to share your story, you can connect with me on Instagram (https://www.instagram.com/footprintsonourhearts/), Twitter (https://twitter.com/skyesfootprints) or email alison@footprintsonourhearts.com. If you enjoy the podcast, please leave a rating or review on your podcast app!

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This week is the first of a two-part interview with Frankie Brunker, author of the book, These Precious Little People. You can listen to the second half of her story in Episode 19 (airing June 5th).

Frankie’s first child, her daughter, Esme, was stillborn in 2013. Years later, after having two further children, she decided to write the book, These Precious Little People, to help parents talk to children of all ages about baby loss.

In the interview, we talk about:

• Their decision to have children and finding out she was pregnant with Esme. (9:27)
• An early pregnancy scare and memories of her pregnancy. (17:33)
• Realising that she hadn’t felt Esme move and what she’d been told about reporting reduced movements. (37:55)
• Finding out her baby had died. (46:46)
• Struggling with the thought of having to wait to give birth to Esme. (55:40)
• Other people’s response to Frankie’s pregnancy after losing Esme. (59:40)

You can connect with Frankie on Instagram @thesepreciouslittlepeople and find out more about her book on her website: https://preciouslittlepeople.wixsite.com/preciouslittlepeople/pre-order-a-copy.

The best place to buy a copy of These Precious Little People is on the website of Joel The Complete Package, as proceeds go to help support families through pregnancy and parenting after baby loss.

Frankie has very kindly donated a copy of her book which you can win as part of Skye’s birthday giveaway! Also included in the prize is a gorgeous eco-friendly candle personalised with your baby’s name and a beautiful bookmark.

The giveaway is open until midnight (UK time) on June 3rd and you can find details of how to enter by looking for the giveaway post on my Instagram wall - @footprintsonourhearts.

If you’re not on Instagram, you can still enter by sharing a link to the podcast with your friends on Facebook (or in a Facebook group) and emailing a screenshot of your post to alison@footprintsonourhearts.com.

You can find more details in the full show notes for this episode at https://www.footprintsonourhearts.com.

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In this week’s episode, I chat to Chainie Jackson about her son, Tobias, who was born prematurely in October 2019 and lived for fifty-one days.

Talking with Chainie really opened my eyes to what life is like as a parent of a baby in the neonatal intensive care unit (NICU). I’m so grateful she was able to share the story of the highs and lows of Tobias’s short life. It is a heartbreaking story but a beautiful one.

In the interview, we talk about:

• Her pregnancy with Tobias and when they realized something was wrong. (5:16)
• Life in the NICU during the 51 days of his life. (17:30)
• What the “Beads of Courage” are and how they gave Chainie hope. (27:16)
• The first five months of grief – why things get harder, not easier. (35:57)
• How her Christian faith helped her and brought her peace at the end of Tobias’s life. (44:50)
• Why she’s chosen to share Tobias’s story. (50:30)

You can connect with Chainie on Instagram @puzzlepiecesofmyhe.art and read more about Tobias on her blog: https://puzzlepiecesofmyhe.art.blog/.

You can see a photo of Tobias’s Beads of Courage here, and find out more about charity that runs the scheme on the Beads of Courage website.

If you enjoy this episode, I would love it if you could share it with a friend or on social media. Please subscribe to get future episodes of the podcast direct to your favourite podcast app and follow me on Instagram for latest news and updates.

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In Episode 15, I talk to Georgia Keogh-Horgan whose son, Henry, died of SIDS just two hours after his birth. Because Henry’s death was sudden and unexplained, this triggered a set of legal proceedings including an inquest.

In the interview, we talk about:

• Georgia’s son, Henry, who died hours after birth in October 2017
• Spending time in a hospice making memories with Henry following his post-mortem
• Planning his funeral and why they decided on a woodland burial site
• Why Georgia chose to donate her wedding dress to Cherished Gowns
• How Henry’s death impacted her experience of giving birth to and looking after, her daughter, Merryn, and the difficulties of balancing parenting a living child and a dead child

Georgia donated her wedding dress to Cherished Gowns, a charity that provides the families of babies who are stillborn, miscarried or pass away shortly after birth with items of clothing that they are able to be dressed in for their funeral.

After Merryn’s birth, they were loaned an apnoea monitor by the Lullaby Trust to monitor Merryn’s breathing as part of the charity's support to bereaved parents when they have another baby.

You can connect with Georgia on Instagram @_abcdefgeorg and read more about Henry on her blog: https://heyworlditshenry.com/.

Please help me raise awareness of all forms of baby loss by recommending the podcast to friends and family or sharing on social media. Together, we can break the silence.

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In Episode 14 of Footprints on our Hearts, I talk to Lucy about her experiences of miscarriage and infertility and why she set up the Rainbow Running Club and Rainbow Yoga Club.

As this episode goes out, Lucy is currently hosting online midweek mindfulness sessions and has just launched the Rainbow Reading Club.

In the interview, we talk about:

• Lucy’s experience of miscarriage and infertility, including the impact on her life and friendships and the challenges of IVF (11:39)
• Being pregnant and grieving a “normal” pregnancy (34:38)
• The emotional impact of further loss (39:42)
• Discovering running and how the Rainbow Running Club was born (47:05)
• How she’s expanded the Rainbow Running Club and taken events online (54:10)

And I ask Lucy the most important question of all – what her favourite cake is!

You can connect with Lucy and find out more about the Rainbow Running and Yoga Club on Instagram @_mother_of_one_ and on the website https://www.rainbowrunningclub.co.uk/. All information on the online events can be found on Lucy’s Instagram account.

If you have any suggestions for guests for the podcast or you’d like to come on to talk about your experience of baby loss and legacy, I’d love to hear from you. As well as talking to parents, I’d love to talk to grandparents, other relatives or friends who’ve been affected by the loss of a child about their experiences. You can email alison@footprintsonourhearts.com or get in touch on me on Instagram (https://www.instagram.com/footprintsonourhearts/) or Twitter (https://twitter.com/skyesfootprints).

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My guest this week is Kate Breen, mother to Isobel, who was stillborn in 2016, and Bruce. I met Kate at our local Sands group where she’s leading a project to create a new memorial garden as a space for parents to go to remember their children.

In the interview, we talk about:

• Finding out her first child, her daughter Isobel, had died at full term (9:38)
• Isobel’s birth and Kate’s decision to donate her breast milk (16:16)
• Kate and her husband’s decision to organise a large funeral (34:44)
• The impact of Isobel’s death on her parents who live in Texas (40:15)
• Why she chose to stay in touch with the NCT friends she’d made when pregnant with Isobel (44:55)
• How gardening helped her through maternity leave and the spaces she’s helped create for others to remember their babies (50:11)

During the interview, Kate mentions the leaflet Sands produced for grandparents, which her parents found useful. This is part of their online support pack which you can download here: https://www.sands.org.uk/support/bereavement-support

In the podcast intro, I mention National Infertility Awareness week and the midweek mindfulness session run by Lucy @_mother_of_one that I found really useful as a mental reset this week. Lots of small charities including baby loss charities are struggling right now, so if you want to do something positive this week, please give them a shout out, donation or other form of support.

You can email alison@footprintsonourhearts.com or get in touch on me on Instagram (https://www.instagram.com/footprintsonourhearts/) or Twitter (https://twitter.com/skyesfootprints). If you enjoy the podcast, please leave a rating or review!

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This week, I chat to Hayley Bennett Stanley about her son, Ike, the rollercoaster of grief and why she chose to run a marathon in his memory.

Ike was born in August 2019 and I’m really grateful to Hayley for coming on the podcast to share his story and her experiences just eight months after his death.

In the interview, we talk about:

• Getting pregnant and relaxing into her pregnancy (6:55)
• Experiencing bleeding and finding out Ike had died at 26 weeks (15:00)
• The waiting time and giving birth to Ike (23:09)
• The ups and downs of grief and what Hayley and her husband decided to do on Ike’s due date (38:14)
• How she feels grief prepared her for dealing with the current coronavirus pandemic (48:47)
• Running a marathon solo when her event was cancelled (54:53)

If you find the podcast useful, I’d really appreciate reviews on iTunes or other podcast apps and please help me spread the word by sharing the episode on your favourite social media channels.

If you’d like to get in touch with me, you can message me on Instagram (https://www.instagram.com/footprintsonourhearts/) or Twitter (https://twitter.com/skyesfootprints) or email alison@footprintsonourhearts.com.

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Welcome to Episode 11 of Footprints on our Hearts. I’ve got a special episode for you today. I felt that I couldn’t just carry on putting out weekly interviews without really addressing the impact of the current coronavirus pandemic on those of us belong to the baby loss club.

So this is going to be a solo show, in that you’ll just have me talking, but it’s not just about me. I’ve asked others about their experiences and spent hours reading about how other bereaved parents are feeling right now and, most importantly, how they’re staying sane!

I’ve divided this episode into five segments:

• Grief, anxiety and covid-19
• What happens when you can’t visit your baby’s resting place
• Celebrating birthdays and other special occasions
• Support if you’ve recently lost a baby
• Pregnancy after loss during a pandemic

I’ve put pregnancy after loss at the end as I know some of you may want to skip this part. I’ll give you a warning before we move onto that segment so you can stop your podcast player if you don’t want to listen.

If you find this episode useful, please share it with others and I’d welcome any feedback. I’d also love to hear how your finding life and adjusting to our new normal. You can email alison@footprintsonourhearts.com or get in touch on me on Instagram (https://www.instagram.com/footprintsonourhearts/) or Twitter (https://twitter.com/skyesfootprints).

The transcript of this podcast containing all the links I mention is online at https://footprintsonourhearts.com/episodes.

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We’ve reached Episode 10! This week, I chat with Chris Binnie about his son Henry, a dad’s perspective on loss, grief and pregnancy after loss and how health care professionals can support Dads better.

Chris has so many words of wisdom particularly around things such as memory-making and society’s expectations of how men “should” grieve. While Chris is obviously talking from the perspective of a male parent, I’m sure some of what he says will also resonate with mums in a same-sex relationship who weren’t the parent carrying their baby.

If you have a friend who is a midwife or doctor who comes across bereaved parents, I’d love it if you could share this episode with them. It definitely opened my eyes and made me think about things differently.

In the interview we talk about:

• Chris’s experience of losing his first child, his son, Henry. (7:47)
• How midwives and other professionals can better support dads after loss and the importance of making memories vs being given memories. (20:57)
• Bottling up grief and how society’s expectations can affect how men grieve. (32:56)
• Chris’s experience of pregnancy after loss and the stress of a complicated pregnancy, premature twins and parenting living babies. (41:35)
• Pinecones, Beyond Bea and why he chose to speak out about his experiences of baby loss. (54:05)

You can find Chris on Instagram @pine_cones_and_study_days – he’d love to hear from other dads who’ve been affected by baby loss.

Find out more about Beyond Bea at https://www.beyondbea.co.uk/. The charity is also on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter. I’d also recommend listening to Episode 6 which is an interview with Beyond Bea’s founder, Steph Wild.

If you enjoy the podcast, I’d really appreciate it if you could leave a review on your podcast app. You can connect with me on Instagram (https://www.instagram.com/footprintsonourhearts/) and Twitter (https://twitter.com/skyesfootprints) or email alison@footprintsonourhearts.com.

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This week, I talk to Lucie Burns about her daughters, Merry and Willow, and her son, Benedict, who died during labour in 2012.

As well as talking about Benedict’s story and his legacy, we also talk about how Lucie and her husband spoke about him with Merry, who was three when Benedict died. If you’re wondering how to support siblings after a loss, you may find this episode useful.

In the interview we talk about:

• The mental and physical challenges Lucie faced with her first pregnancy and the birth of her daughter, Merry. (4:06)
• Her pregnancy with Benedict, his birth and finding out he had died. (15:49)
• How she broke the news to Merry and coping with grief while keeping life going for her. (28:36)
• Pregnancy after loss and how Lucie approached this mentally and shared information with Merry. (37:32)
• How Lucie found Sands and what she’s done in Benedict’s memory to help other bereaved parents. (47:15)

You can connect with Lucie on Instagram @polksaladlucie.

If you enjoy the podcast, I’d really appreciate it if you could leave a review on your podcast app. You can connect with me on Instagram (https://www.instagram.com/footprintsonourhearts/) and Twitter (https://twitter.com/skyesfootprints) or email alison@footprintsonourhearts.com.

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In Episode 8 of Footprints on our Hearts, I talk to Sarah Playle about the challenges she faced in her four pregnancies, giving birth (twice) to very premature babies and the unique sense of loss that comes when one of your twins dies.

In every podcast we talk about legacy, but I think Sarah’s words at the end of this podcast, when she talks about the greatest gift that Rosie has given her, are some of the most poignant I’ve heard. They definitely had me tearing up!

In the interview we talk about:

• The challenges she faced in her first pregnancy, which ended in miscarriage, and her second pregnancy, when she gave birth to her son, Indy. (7:17)
• Finding out she was pregnant with twins and going into labour at 25 weeks. (13:57)
• Rosie and Isla’s delivery at 25+3 weeks and finding out Rosie was stillborn. (19:04)
• Isla’s fight for her life in NICU and the early days of parenting an extremely premature baby. (23.15)
• Grieving Rosie, why they delayed her funeral and empty arms. (28:44)
• A fourth complicated pregnancy and Felix arriving at 28 weeks. (34:55)
• Sarah’s grief journey and the unique sorrow and joy of losing an identical twin. (46:31)
• Talking to siblings about loss and Rosie’s greatest gift. (53:46)

In the episode, I mention Brené Brown’s short video on the difference between sympathy and empathy.

Sarah recommends the book Sam and Finn by Kate Polley for talking with a surviving twin about their brother or sister. You can also get personalised versions.

In the podcast introduction, I talk about Mother’s Day, coronavirus and why we need to support each other in these difficult times. In the words of Victor Hugo, “Even the darkest night will end and the sun will rise”.

I also mention a selection of free books that I collated for my readers. You can check them out here.

If you enjoy the podcast, I’d really appreciate it if you could leave a review on your podcast app. You can connect with me on Instagram (https://www.instagram.com/footprintsonourhearts/) and Twitter (https://twitter.com/skyesfootprints) or email alison@footprintsonourhearts.com.

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In this week’s episode of Footprints on our Hearts, I talk to Sophie Martin about infertility, being a midwife and her twin sons, Cecil and Wilfred, who died shortly after they were born.

I haven’t had to go through IVF so I’m incredibly grateful to Sophie for sharing her experiences of IVF so openly. If you haven’t experienced infertility yourself, I’d recommend listening to her story so you, like me, you can better understand what many women have to go through on their journey to bring home a baby.

In the interview we talk about:

• Infertility and what’s involved with IVF (9:36)
• Finding out she was pregnant with twins, struggles with morning sickness and anxiety (19:28)
• Going into premature labour at 21 weeks and giving birth to twins (26:23)
• The initial weeks of grief and going back to work seven weeks after giving birth (34:50)
• Having a Transabdominal Cerclage (TAC) – a cervical stitch – and going back for IVF round two (40:20)
• The impact of infertility on mental health – grief, staying positive and the fear of being pregnant (43:54)

You can connect with Sophie on Instagram @the.infertile.midwife.

In the introduction, I mention Dancing in the Wings, a play about baby loss. Tickets are still available here for the final performance next Friday 20th March in Chester, Cheshire.

If you’re currently pregnant, you may want to look at the information issued by the Royal College of Obstetricians & Gynaecologists about COVID-19 (coronavirus).

And I give a shout out to the Finally Pregnant podcast hosted by Cat Strawbridge (@tryingyears) who talks to women about their experiences of pregnancy after infertility or loss.

Question of the week: when was the last time grief hit you out of the blue? For me, it always seems to hit when I go on holiday…

If you enjoy the podcast, I’d really appreciate it if you could leave a review on your podcast app. You can connect with me on Instagram (https://www.instagram.com/footprintsonourhearts/) and Twitter (https://twitter.com/skyesfootprints) or email alison@footprintsonourhearts.com.

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In Episode 6 of Footprints on our Hearts, I talk to Steph Wild about her daughter, Bea, who had a rare brain condition. Steph and her partner had to make the terrible decision to go through a compassionate induction (also known as medical termination). We also talk about Steph’s experience of working as a midwife both before and after Bea died.

Even within the baby loss community, termination for medical reasons feels like a bit of a taboo subject, so I’m very grateful to Steph for discussing her experience so openly, in particular, how she fought to ensure that her daughter passed away as peacefully as possible.

Steph Wild is a midwife and the chair and founder of Beyond Bea, a charity she set up in memory of her daughter to provide free training to help healthcare professionals better support bereaved parents.

In the interview we talk about:

• Why Steph decided to become a midwife and her experience of baby loss leading up to her pregnancy (3:55)
• Her pregnancy with Bea, finding out that Bea had a very rare brain condition and having to make an impossible decision (18:08)
• The impact of Bea’s loss being before the 24-week date when she would have been registered as stillborn (39:50)
• The challenges of going back to working as a midwife after losing your child (43:55)
• Why she set up Beyond Bea and how the charity has grown over the past two years (55:20)

You can find out more about Beyond Bea, including the services they provide and how you can donate or volunteer at https://www.beyondbea.co.uk/. The charity is also on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter.

If you enjoy the podcast, I’d really appreciate it if you could leave a review on your podcast app. You can connect with me on Instagram (https://www.instagram.com/footprintsonourhearts/) and Twitter (https://twitter.com/skyesfootprints) or email alison@footprintsonourhearts.com.

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In Episode 5 of Footprints on our Hearts, I talk to Emma Jefferys about her daughter, Amelia, finding hope in grief and volunteering with Sands.

Emma is a life and business coach who also volunteers with Sands to provide bereavement support for parents who’ve lost a child. Her daughter, Amelia, was stillborn in 2012 and she has a living child, Ophelia, who is six.

In the interview we talk about:

• Emma’s experience with miscarriage and stillbirth (6:38)
• Her grief journey after Amelia’s death and how her friends and family helped her through this (26:02)
• The lowest point of grief, reaching the crossroads and how she chose happiness (30:40)
• The rollercoaster of pregnancy after loss (33:43)
• Why Emma decided to volunteer with Sands (39:20)
• How her experience of losing Amelia led to her quitting her job to work for herself (44:41)

You can find out more about Emma’s coaching business at Action Woman (https://www.actionwoman.co.uk/) and connect with her on Instagram @action__woman.

In the interview, I talk about Brené Brown’s book Rising Strong and her popular TED talks on shame and vulnerability.

If you enjoy the podcast, I’d really appreciate it if you could leave a review on your podcast app. You can connect with me on Instagram (https://www.instagram.com/footprintsonourhearts/) and Twitter (https://twitter.com/skyesfootprints) or email alison@footprintsonourhearts.com.

For a transcript of the podcast, please visit our website https://footprintsonourhearts.com/.

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This week’s interview is with Ruth Hopkins who describes herself as an eternal optimist, despite having been through a complex baby loss journey including a traumatic ectopic pregnancy, miscarriage and the stillbirth of her son, Dexter Bear.

This episode may be particularly helpful if you’re wondering how you can parent a child who isn’t there for others to see, or if you’re wanting to support someone whose child is about to be stillborn. As a word of warning, there’s also a bit of dark humour!

In the interview, we talk about:

• Ruth’s first pregnancy, which was ectopic and led to her experiencing a traumatic rupture of her fallopian tube. (7:34)
• Falling pregnant with Dexter, having her waters break at work at nearly 24 weeks, finding out Dexter had died and giving birth to him. (17:24)
• How Ruth and her husband made memories with Dexter after his birth and what she wishes she’d known. (34:48)
• Going on to have a further miscarriage and the challenges of waiting for their rainbow baby. (42:59)
• Keeping smiling through grief and loss, honouring Dexter’s memory and finding joy with him alongside them – including Dexter’s travels, cremation jewellery and Dexter’s bench. (47:36)
• The challenges of parenting a dead child and other people’s expectations. (1:05:07)

You can connect with Ruth on Instagram @ruth_and_her_bear and read her blog.

In the introduction, I mention the Northumberland Endurancelife event my husband and I are running this weekend to raise money for Tommy’s in Skye’s memory. You can support us here.

If you have any suggestions for guests for the podcast or you’d like to come on to talk about your experience of baby loss and legacy, I’d love to hear from you. As well as talking to parents, I’d love to talk to grandparents, other relatives or friends who’ve been affected by the loss of a child about their experiences. You can email email alison@footprintsonourhearts.com or get in touch on me on Instagram (https://www.instagram.com/footprintsonourhearts/) or Twitter (https://twitter.com/skyesfootprints).

For a transcript of the podcast, please visit our website https://footprintsonourhearts.com/.

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If you’re struggling to get pregnant or you’ve lost a child, you dream of the day you’ll bring a living baby home. Whatever we go through, we cling to that hope. But what happens when there is no more hope? When you reach the end of the road without a living child in your arms?

Philippa’s story is one of the most heartbreaking I’ve come across. But it’s a tale that needs to be told, because not every story has a happy ending.

Introduction

Philippa Davies is the author of Dancing in the Wings, a play based on Philippa’s experience of infertility and baby loss. Dancing in the Wings is showing across theatres in North Wales and Cheshire during February and March 2020.

In the interview, we talk about:

• Undiagnosed polycystic ovary syndrome and struggles with getting NHS support for fertility treatment. (7:25)
• Philippa’s daughter, Sam, who was diagnosed with Edward’s syndrome. How Philippa chose to make the most of her pregnancy and the story of Sam’s stillbirth in January 2012. (11:55)
• Deciding to try again and IVF round 2. (30:57)
• Falling pregnant naturally, writing A Cookie for Christmas and losing another baby. (34:04)
• Philippa’s struggle with grief, PTSD, depression. How she searched for support and finally stumbled across Hope House. (37:11)
• Reaching the end of the road and feeling more hole than human. (46:30)
• How she came to write Dancing in the Wings. (53:28)

We talk about grief and I mention the sculpture, Melancoli, which can be found in Geneva, Switzerland.

You can connect with Philippa on Twitter @PhilippaWriter.

Dancing in the Wings is being performed at the following theatres:

Theatr Clwyd, Mold

27th-29th February 2020. Tickets: www.theatreclwyd.com or 01352 701521

Tŷ Pawb, Wrexham

6th-7th March 2020. Tickets: www.typawb.wales/or 01978 292144

Galeri Caernarfon

13th March 2020. Tickets: www.galericaernarfon.com or 01286 685222

The Forum Studio Theatre, Chester

20th-21st March 2020. Tickets: www.chestertheatre.co.uk or 01244 341296

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In Episode 2 of Footprints on our Hearts, Ian Twitchett shares the story of his daughter, Pippa, and we discuss grieving as a dad and the charity he and his wife set up in Pippa’s name. We also talk about the National Bereavement Care Pathway, an NHS initiative to improve bereavement care for parents who suffer pregnancy or baby loss.

In this episode, we talk about:

• His twin daughters, Pippa and Penny, who were born at thirty weeks. Four and a half months after her birth, Pippa passed away in Ian’s arms at Martin House hospice. (06:05)
• How Ian and his wife, Hannah, grieved differently and how they supported each other. (36:08)
• How they remember Pippa as a family. (43:00)
• Setting up Pipsqueaks to help parents during their time on neonatal units. (48:45)
• Ian’s role on the Parent Advisory Group for the National Bereavement Care Pathway. (54:50)

You can find out more about the charity and Hannah have set up at Pipsqueakscharity.com.

You can find Ian and Hannah on social media at:

Facebook – https://www.facebook.com/twinchetts/

Instagram – https://www.instagram.com/twinchetts/

Twitter – https://twitter.com/pipsqueaksuk

In the introduction, I talk about the debate in the House of Commons on historic stillbirth burials and cremations. You can watch Carolyn Harris’s emotional speech here and read more about Brief Lives Remembered, a website that helps parents trace where their stillborn babies were buried, in this article.

If you enjoy the podcast, I’d really appreciate it if you could leave a review on your podcast app. You can connect with me on Instagram (https://www.instagram.com/footprintsonourhearts/) and Twitter (https://twitter.com/skyesfootprints) or email alison@footprintsonourhearts.com.

For a transcript of the podcast, please visit our website https://footprintsonourhearts.com/.

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Welcome to the first episode of Footprints on our Hearts, a podcast about baby loss, legacy and learning to live again. In this episode, I talk to Sophie Daniels about her daughter, Liberty.

Sophie Daniels is Head of Songwriting at ICMP in London. As a non-performing songwriter, she’s built a career writing songs for other people but last year, she released her own EP to raise money for Tommy’s and Sands. It includes the song I Can Love You From Here, which Sophie wrote ten weeks after Liberty’s death.

In this episode, we talk about:

• Sophie’s daughter, Liberty, who was stillborn in January 2011 (03:15)
• Sophie’s grief journey, finding happiness and having a relationship with Liberty (21:15)
• Pregnancy after loss (31:12)
• How they remember Liberty as a family (37:15)
• Liberty’s legacy and I Can Love You From Here (42:43)

Sophie kindly gave me permission to play I Can Love You From Here which I’ve included at the end of the interview.

You can find out more about Sophie’s EP on her website: www.libertysmother.com/

You can also connect with her on Facebook (https://www.facebook.com/libertysmother), Instagram (https://www.instagram.com/libertysmother/) and Twitter (https://twitter.com/libertysmother).

The Liberty’s Mother EP is available on all platforms.

If you enjoy the podcast, I’d really appreciate it if you could leave a review on your podcast app. You can connect with me on Instagram (https://www.instagram.com/footprintsonourhearts/) and Twitter (https://twitter.com/skyesfootprints) or email alison@footprintsonourhearts.com.

For a transcript of the podcast, please visit our website https://footprintsonourhearts.com/.

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Welcome to Footprints On Our Hearts, a new podcast aiming to open up a conversation around baby loss. On the show, I'll be talking to parents who've experienced stillbirth, neo-natal loss and miscarriage about their experiences and how they've chosen to remember their babies. I'll also be talking to healthcare professionals and charities to discuss how to support someone whose baby has died and how we can raise awareness of baby loss.

In this introductory episode, I tell you a bit about me, what you can expect from the podcast and how you can get involved.