Wil Wheaton: Recent Episodes
Wil Wheaton
Three pieces, one longer than the others, that I have never done in public before. I hoped they would all fit together to tell a story, and I was scared to death the the story they told wouldn't resonate with the audience.But I needed to trust myself, trust Anne and my friend who told me it absolutely was going to work, and take what felt like a very big risk.So I did, and I think it landed the way I hoped it would. The audience was receptive, which was not always the case at cons for me but has increasingly become the norm this century. Lots and lots of people told me they also know the secret handshake, and it helped them, as it does me, feel a little better.I use my phone to record all of my talks and readings, and then I put them with all my glasses and my shoes, so I have them. At the beginning, you're going to hear, faintly, my space brother, Ed Speleers, introducing me. You can't hear the smile on my face, or the overwhelming joy and gratitude in my heart, but it was there. I had no idea he was going to introduce me, and he was just so kind and lovely.Then you're going to hear me read something I titled I Turned Myself To Face Me, which I hope will be part of a larger work later this year.
Is this machine recording?
I made this ambient audioscape thing years ago. I can't remember if I ever posted it.
This classic horror story, about a mad prince who ignores a pandemic and dooms his sycophants to death, is surprisingly timely.
Today, I am starting the big finale of this project. Over the next few weeks, I'll release one or two chapters of The Invisible Man every few days.
We begin with chapters 1 and 2.
From the October, 1958 Issue of Super Science, a short adventure tale by Science Fiction master Robert Silverberg.
https://archive.org/details/Super_Science_Fiction_v02n06_1958-10/page/n3/mode/2up
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Robert_Silverberg
Today, I bring you a short story from Philip K. Dick that is about as different from our last episode as you can get, while staying with the same author.
The image I used comes from emilylongbreak dot com: https://emilylongbrake.com/day-325-the-eyes-have-it/ And here's the original text I used: https://www.gutenberg.org/files/31516/31516-h/31516-h.htm
The great Philip K. Dick wrote about the human condition as well as any speculative fiction writer of the 20th century, and I am incredibly lucky that this story of his is out of copyright.
This was originally published in 1953. It's about racism and colonialism, about how the participants in a war see themselves and each other.
In a lot of ways, it's about the original sin of America, a sin we have not yet reckoned with, to our great shame, with disastrous results for people of color and Native Americans.
But it's also a fun science fiction story about a kid who just wants to play with his friends, and what happens instead.
I talk a LOT before this one. I have a lot of thoughts in my head and I'm feeling a lot of feelings, so it may not be my best work. But it's honest, and we could use that right now, I think.
https://www.gutenberg.org/files/40964/40964-h/40964-h.htm https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tony_and_the_Beetles
From the September, 1947 issue of Master Detective Magazine, comes "Alibi Girl", a pulp narrative of two police detectives, solving a murder case where their prime suspect confesses, but also has an air-tight alibi.
This one was a lot of fun to read. I've been wanting to do a mid-century detective story since this started.
https://archive.org/details/MasterDetectiveV37N01194709/page/n21/mode/2up
This is a children's bedtime story that I recorded specifically for my nephew to hear. If you have children, or you're a child at heart, I hope you'll give it a listen. I think it's a sweet story.
https://www.gutenberg.org/files/43558/43558-h/43558-h.html#mr-possum
By request, a short story from HP Lovecraft, one of (if not the) first things he wrote as an adult, in 1917.
This wasn't published until 1919, and was published again in 1923, so I take that as a reminder not to get discouraged when things take time in publishing.
https://en.wikisource.org/wiki/Dagon https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dagon_(short_story) https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/H._P._Lovecraft
In the 70s, Time Life Books started putting out these collections of paranormal stories, culminating with the massively successful series Mysteries of the Unknown, starting in 1987.
None of these stories are scientifically sound, or based in fact. They are just stories that people told and handed down for generations, stories that turn a creaking staircase or a house settling in winter, into a supernatural haunting. I don't believe any of this stuff, but I still love it so much, I can't get enough of it.
These books were my primary introduction to the paranormal world, and the fantastically weird, interesting, unexpected, people who believe in it, so I thought it would be fun to read you a little bit from the Mind Over Matter release, specifically some stories about poltergeists.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mysteries_of_the_Unknown
This is the title story from a collection of Wells' work that was published in 1911.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/H._G._Wells https://www.gutenberg.org/files/456/456-h/456-h.htm#link2H_4_0001 http://sittingbee.com/the-door-in-the-wall-h-g-wells/
I've been looking for some classic Bradbury to narrate, and last night, I finally found some!
This story was written in 1940, and collected into this paperback in 1973. It is exactly the kind of book I would have picked up from the spinning rack of fifty cent paperbacks in the drugstore.
https://archive.org/details/MoscowitzSamAndAldenH.Nortoned.HorrorsInHiding1973/mode/2up
By popular request, here is Umberto Ecco's essay UR-FASCISM, published in 1995.
In this essay, he talks about living in Fascist Italy as a child, growing up under that system during the Second World War. Then he details 14 qualities that define Fascist movements, regardless of the time and place they began.
It's a powerful and relevant essay. Many -- MANY -- of the 14 qualities he identifies exist in the MAGA cult, and I can see that a lot of them existed in the Astroturfed Tea Party movement from a few years ago. There's not a whole lot of daylight between the Republican Party in 2020 and the Fascist movements of the 20th and now 21st centuries. Not all Republicans are Fascists, but all Fascists are definitely Republican.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Definitions_of_fascism#Umberto_Eco https://www.nybooks.com/articles/1995/06/22/ur-fascism/
I am embarrassed to admit that, until last week, I had never read this essay. I knew it existed, but I never made the effort, and I am so glad that I finally did.
A Modest Proposal is brilliant, biting, hilarious satire, that is as horrifyingly relevant in 2020 as it was in 1729. This reads like one of those brilliant editorials from The Onion, or a Hannity monologue.
There's a ton of study available to you, if you want to go that way. Here's the Wikipedia link to get you started:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/A_Modest_Proposal
Remember mixtapes? I always put dialog, commercials, and bits of spoken word into mine.
This is mostly punk, with some surf, a little mid-century easy listening, some William S. Burroughs, and a few bits of audio weirdness I had in a directory that exists solely for that purpose.
Today's story is a really fun space adventure mystery from the Spring, 1941 issue of Planet Stories.
"Inside the crippled Comet, a hard-bitten crew watched the life-giving oxygen run low. Outside, on Ceres' fabled Darkside, stalked death in awful, spectral form."
https://www.gutenberg.org/files/61869/61869-h/61869-h.htm
I'm trying my best to choose from a wide variety of authors and genres, but I loved Tree of Life so much, I had to bring you another story from the brilliant mind of CL Moore.
https://www.gutenberg.org/files/28550/28550-h/28550-h.htm
Published in 1970, today's short story comes from a battered old paperback I own called SUPERNATURAL STRANGERS, by Robert Tralins. Because it's Earth Day, I recorded in my back yard. I hope you can hear some of the birds, and sounds of beautiful Spring life, behind the spooky tale.
From the October, 1936, issue of WEIRD TALES comes a wonderfully weird, supernatural horror story with just enough science fiction elements to tie the room together.
https://www.gutenberg.org/files/32850/32850-h/32850-h.htm https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Northwest_Smith https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/C._L._Moore https://www.pgdp.net/c/
No Hiding Place comes from the November, 1956 issue of Fantastic Universe. It's a fun, Outer Limits-style science fiction adventure.
https://www.gutenberg.org/files/29272/29272-h/29272-h.htm
Today's RFB Presents comes from my friend, Cory Doctorow.
Cory says, "This is the story of the ogres who run the concession stands on Pleasure Island, where Pinnocchio's friend Lampwick turned into a donkey. Like much of my stuff, this has a tie-in with Walt Disney World; the idea came to me on the Pinnocchio ride in the Magic Kingdom, in 1993."
https://craphound.com/fic/return.html
A wickedly funny, beautifully written, tale from one of the great American authors.
More info for my fellow nerds who like to know this sort of stuff: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Middle_Toe_of_the_Right_Foot https://www.gutenberg.org/files/15143/15143-h/15143-h.htm#Middle https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ambrose_Bierce https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/1243420.Can_Such_Things_Be_
From the Spring, 1940 issue of Fantasia Something, edited by Ray Bradbury, today's short story is a goddamn delight.
https://www.gutenberg.org/files/41651/41651-h/41651-h.htm#THOUGHTS_ON_THE_WORLDSTATE
Today's reading is a satirical Victorian ghost story from the 1890s.
Found at Project Gutenberg: https://www.gutenberg.org/cache/epub/8377/pg8377-images.html
A short Japanese myth.
https://www.gutenberg.org/files/53033/53033-h/53033-h.htm#Page_15
From Amazing Stories, published in 1959. Written by Robert F. Young. Narrated by Wil Wheaton.
http://www.gutenberg.org/files/26957/26957-h/26957-h.htm
I made a mix tape of mostly early 80s punk, with a couple new wave songs from the era that I like, and some audio rarities that entertain me.
This is a recording of my 2007 Keynote to the Penny Arcade Expo in 2007. It's the first time I suggested Wheaton's Law (Don't Be a Dick) in public.
From Dime Mystery Magazine's July 1938 issue, here is a short story by Leon Byrne that is surprisingly good.
The recording is not great. I needed a pop filter, and my mic was a little hot, but I promise to give you a full refund on your purchase price if it doesn't meet your exacting specification.
You can find out more about Dime Mystery Magazine, and a ton of other pulps, at https://www.pulpmags.org
I needed to get out of my comfort zone, so I went to Project Gutenberg, clicked through a few bookshelves until I got to classic Science Fiction, and decided to do an unrehearsed, essentially live narration of a story that was published in Astounding Stories of Super Science in 1931.
It's not the greatest story I've ever read (if I'd read it before I narrated it, I wouldn't have chosen it), but it's a fine representative of that era's genre fiction writing. I had some fun doing my best impression of someone reading it in 1931, and I recorded it to share with any of you who are interested in this sort of thing.
Another mixtape, built from a bunch of weird and random files I've accumulated over the years. Includes: Telly Savalas, some random preacher who is really into UFOs, Asian covers of popular tunes, surf tunes, early punk, Shatner's balls, and something that's Incredible, but True.
Scrolled through Banshee and pulled out a bunch of random tracks, leaning toward punk, new wave, rockabilly, and some random weirdness I had in a folder called RANDOM WEIRDNESS.
While putting this together, I imagined a midnight college radio station, somewhere between two small towns, hundreds of miles of highway behind and ahead of you, five years after the world ended.
Stuff and things and other things, and moog synthesizer music. Yes, it is all in one place, and it’s all for you, Damien! IT IS ALL FOR YOU!
Radio Free Burrito doesn’t work as hard to earn its [EXPLICIT] tag as Memories of the Futurecast did, but it still manages to upset mom and get Twitter breakup messages from sensitive people. You have been warned.
I have decided that doing show notes is not worth my time, because I feel like nobody cares about the notes, or uses them. You can tell me if I’m wrong, but I’m feeling like you won’t.
This episode is 1h01m long and 87MB.
This is the end of the notes.
I have a pair of stories this week. One is about my family’s connection to the Los Angeles Dodgers. The other is about the first time I met Adam West. There’s some music here for you, too.
This week, I brave an unexpected headache from hell to bring you music from some friends, the origin story of a nemesis, SPORTS!, and some thoughts about this moment in history.
Who has kept to a weekly schedule for one whole week in a row? THIS GUY!
Radio Free Burrito doesn’t work as hard to earn its [EXPLICIT] tag as Memories of the Futurecast did, but it still manages to upset mom and get Twitter breakup messages from sensitive people. You have been warned.
It's a Halloween episode, sort of, with a spooky, creepy, weird story that gets really dark by the end.
Extensive show notes and links at https://radiofreeburrito.com/
This is the audio from a proof of concept video I made. to test out a project idea I've had for a little while. If I like it, and feel that it was worth the time, I'll make some more like this that actually have more deliberate cuts and choices in the content. At the moment, this is primarily clips that I eyeballed, thought were interesting, and tossed into the edit timeline.
I grabbed a bunch of public domain footage from the Internet Archive, and cut it all up. Then I tossed it into iMovie and applied some filters. I modified the audio in Audacity, and mixed in some other audio that I also created in Audacity by modifying other public domain works.
I was goofing off with Audacity and GarageBand, and I came up with this track. It's inspired by woob, Pete Namlook, FAX Records, and some dark ambient artists I've forgotten.
There's a little bit of a happy accident in this mix, because I muted a track in the recording, forgot to delete it, and mixed and rendered before I realized it was there.
I made the cover image by databending a creepy picture I found on some old website a million years ago.
I came across this forever ago on a BBS somewhere. I spent a LONG time tracking down a copy of the original record, which I encoded using Audacity and my turntable.
Here's the description from Discogs:
This recording is an "unauthorized experiment" that was made in the year 2058 C.D.S. (Carbon Dating System), a "blue verbal data feed" sent backwards in time to "retro A.D." by Decker, T. L., index J-3, CMR 00965 of T-Group Roaring Vectors 252, a human cyborg who suffers from a malfunctioning number nine electrode in his head which causes him to have an emotional breakdown as he records this message. It's a secret message to a past world he has trouble imagining, a world of foreign substances like metal, plastic, animals, soldiers... a world all physical and "impossibly slow."
An 8½" 20RPM disc containing this recording was found on the elevator at 205 W. 57th Street in New York City on February 11, 1969.
The recording, approximately 24 minutes in length, has been reproduced on this 10" record, in stickered blank sleeve with blue insert.
I came across this forever ago on a BBS somewhere. I spent a LONG time tracking down a copy of the original record, which I encoded using Audacity and my turntable.
Here's the description from Discogs:
This recording is an "unauthorized experiment" that was made in the year 2058 C.D.S. (Carbon Dating System), a "blue verbal data feed" sent backwards in time to "retro A.D." by Decker, T. L., index J-3, CMR 00965 of T-Group Roaring Vectors 252, a human cyborg who suffers from a malfunctioning number nine electrode in his head which causes him to have an emotional breakdown as he records this message. It's a secret message to a past world he has trouble imagining, a world of foreign substances like metal, plastic, animals, soldiers... a world all physical and "impossibly slow."
An 8½" 20RPM disc containing this recording was found on the elevator at 205 W. 57th Street in New York City on February 11, 1969.
The recording, approximately 24 minutes in length, has been reproduced on this 10" record, in stickered blank sleeve with blue insert.