The Lineman Podcast: Recent Episodes
Nicholas Quintana
WHOOOOOAAAAAAHHHH YANKEE WITH NO BRIM
WHOOOOOAAAAAAHHHH YANKEE WITH BRIM
WHOOOOOAAAAAAHHHH BRIM WITH NO YANKEE
WHOOOOOAAAAAAHHHH NO BRIM WITH NO YANKEE
The Akatsuki is now assembled.
Konan.
Itachi.
Kisame.
Sasori.
Deidara.
Kakuzu.
Hidan.
Orochimaru.
and Zetsu.
Each of you has your own agenda and your own dreams... We have finally come this far... And now, at last, we will move into full-scale action. Our targets are all the Tailed Beasts from the One Tail to the Nine Tails. The opponents are strong, but we will gather all the Tailed Beasts and bring the great ambition of the Akatsuki to fruition. We ten shall accomplish this.
I'm sorry everyone no Star Wars this week...
Mr. Sanchez, I don't feel so good
Yes that was a reference to Infinity War
Suspenseful music playing
Luke: Master Yoda.
Force ghost Yoda: Young Skywalker.
Luke: I'm ending all of this, the tree, the text, the Jedi, I'm gonna burn it down.
Luke proceeds to walk up to tree and light it on fire but stops
Force ghost Yoda: Hmm
Force ghost Yoda uses the force to strike lightning on the tree and set it on fire
Force ghost Yoda: ahmhmhmhmhm, oh Skywalker, missed you have I
Luke: So it is time, for the Jedi order to end.
Force ghost Yoda: Time, it is. hmmm. For you to look past a pile of old books. hmm
Luke: THE SACRED JEDI TEXTS?!?!
Force ghost Yoda: Hmm, read them have you?
Luke: Well I-
Force ghost Yoda: Page turners, they were not. Hmm yes yes wisdom they held, but that library contained nothing that the girl Rey does not already possess. Hmmm, Skywalker, still looking to the horizon. Thereheeitha. Right in front o your nose hymph.
Luke: I was weak, unwise.
Force ghost Yoda: Lost Ben Solo you did, lose Rey we must not.
Luke: I can't be what she needs me to be!
Force ghost Yoda: Heeded my words not, did you? Pass on what you have learned. Strength, mastery, hmm, but weakness, folly, failure also, yes failure most of all. The greatest teacher failure is. hmm. hmm. Luke, we are what they grow beyond, that is the true burden of all masters.
Anakin: Chancellor, we've just received a report from Master Kenobi, he has engaged General Grievous.
Chancellor Palpatine: We can only hope master Kenobi is up to the challenge.
Anakin: I should be there with him.
Chancellor Palpatine: It's upsetting to me to see the council doesn't seem to fully appreciate your talents, don't you wonder why they won't make you a Jedi Master?
Anakin: I wish I knew. More and More I get the feeling that I'm getting excluded from the council. I know there are things about the force they are not telling me.
Chancellor Palpatine: They don't trust you Anakin. They see your future, they know your power will be too strong to control, you must break through the fog of lies the Jedi have created around you, let me help you to know the subtleties of the force.
Anakin: How do you know the ways of the force?
Chancellor Palpatine: My mentor taught me everything about the force, even the nature of the dark side.
Anakin: You know the dark side?
Chancellor Palpatine: Anakin, if one is to understand the great mystery, one must study all its aspects, not just the dog-matic narrow view of the Jedi, if you wish to become a complete and wise leader you must embrace a larger view of the force. Be careful with the Jedi Anakin, only through me can you achieve a power greater than any Jedi, learn to know the dark side of the force and you will be able to save your wife from certain death.
Anakin: What did you say?
Chancellor Palpatine: Use my knowledge, I beg you
Anakin activates lightsaber
Anakin: You're the SIth Lord.
Chancellor Palpatine: I know what's been troubling you, listen to me, don't continue to be a pawn of the Jedi Council! Ever since I've known you you've been searching for a life greater than that of an ordinary Jedi, a life of significance, of conscience. Are you going to kill me?
Anakin: I would certainly like to.
Chancellor Palpatine: I know you would, I can feel your anger, it gives you focus, makes you stronger.
Anakin deactivates lightsaber
Anakin: I'm going to turn you over to the Jedi Council.
Chancellor Palpatine: Of course, you should, but you're not sure of their intentions are you?
Anakin: I will quickly discover the truth of all this.
Chancellor Palpatine: You have great wisdom Anakin, know the power of the dark side, power to save Padme.
Chancellor Palpatine: Did you ever hear the tragedy of Darth Plagueis the Wise?
Anakin: No.
Chancellor Palpatine: I thought not, it's not a story the Jedi would tell you, it's a Sith legend. Darth Plagueis was a dark lord of the SIth so powerful and so wise that he could use the force to convince the midichlorians to create life, he had such knowledge of the dark side that he could even keep the ones he cared about from dying.
Anakin: He could actually save people from death?
Chancellor Palpatine: The dark side of the force is a pathway to many abilities some consider to be unnatural.
Anakin: What happened to him?
Chancellor Palpatine: He became so powerful. The only thing he was afraid of was losing his power, which eventually, of course he did. Unfortunately, he taught his apprentice everything he knew, then his apprentice killed him in his sleep. It's Ironic, he could save others from death, but not himself.
Anakin: Is it possible to learn this power?
Chancellor Palpatine: Not from a Jedi.
Epic Music playing
Obi-wan: It's over Anakin. I have the high ground!
Anakin: You underestimate my power!
Obi-wan: Don't try it!
Anakin jumps up towards Obi-wan
Anakin: AAAARRRRRGGG
Obi-wan cuts off Anakin's legs and left arm
Obi-wan: YOU WERE THE CHOSEN ONE! It was said that you would destroy the Sith, not join them. Bring balance to the Force, not leave it in darkness!
Anakin: UGGHHH... UGHHH... I HATE YOU!!
Obi-wan: You were my brother Anakin. I loved you.
Anakin's pants catch on fire and it spreads
Anakin: UGGGHHUGGGHHAHHRAAAHHHAAAAHHHUUGGHH
Music fades out and Obi-wan walks away
Eerie music playing
Han Solo: BEN!
Chewbacca: aargh?
Kylo Ren: Han Solo, Iv'e been waiting for this day for a long time.
Han Solo: Take off that mask, you don't need it.
Kylo Ren: What do you think you'll see if I do?
Han Solo: The face of my son.
Music fades out
Kylo takes off mask
Kylo Ren: You're son is gone, he was weak and foolish like his father. So I destroyed him.
Han Solo: That's what Snoke wants you to believe, but it's not true, my son is alive.
Kylo Ren: No, the Supreme Leader is wise.
Han Solo: Snoke is using you for your power, when he gets what he wants he'll crush you. You know it's true.
Kylo Ren: It's too late.
Han Solo: No it's not, leave here with me, come home. We miss you.
Kylo Ren: I'm being torn apart, I want to be free of this pain. I know what I have to do, but I don'y know if I have the strength to do it, will you help me?
Han Solo: Yes, anything.
Dramatic music starts playing
Kylo drops mask and pulls out light saber
Kylo activates light saber and stabs through Han
Chewbacca: AAAAAAAARRRRRRGGGGGGG
Rey: NO!
Kylo Shakily: Thank you
Kylo deactivates light saber
Han feels Kylo's face and falls off bridge into darkness
Obi-wan jumps down from rafters
Obi-wan: Hello there
General Grievous In gritty voice: General Kenobi
Anakin: I am becoming more powerful than any Jedi has ever dreamed of, and I'm doing it for you, to protect you.
Padme: Come away with me, help me raise our child, leave everything else behind while we still can.
Anakin: Don't you see? We don't have to run away anymore, I have brought peace to the Republic, I'm more powerful than the chancellor, I can overthrow him, and together you and I can rule the galaxy, make things the way we want them to be.
Padme: I don't believe what I'm hearing, Obi-wan was right you've changed.
Anakin: I don't want to hear anymore about Obi-wan anymore, the Jedi turned against me, don't you turn against me.
Padme: I don't know you anymore! Anakin your'e breaking my heart! Your'e going down a path I can't follow!
Anakin: Because of Obi-wan?
Padme: Because of what you've done! What you plan to do! Stop, stop now come back, I love you!
Anakin: LIAR
Padme: No
Anakin: YOUR'E WITH HIM! YOU BROUGHT HIM HERE TO KILL ME!
Padme: No
Anakin force chokes Padme
Obi-wan: Let her go Anakin.
Muffled
Padme: Anakin
Obi-wan: Let. Her. Go.
Anakin lets go and Padme falls to the floor unconsciously
Anakin: YOU TURNED HER AGAINST ME!?
Obi-wan: You have done that yourself!
Anakin: YOU WILL NOT TAKE HER FROM ME!
Obi-wan: Your anger and lust for power have already done that. You have allowed this dark lord to twist your mind, until now- until now you have become the very thing you swore to destroy.
Anakin: Don't lecture me Obi-wan, I see through the lies of the Jedi, I do not fear the power of the dark side as you do.
Epic Music starts playing
Anakin: I have brought peace, freedom, justice, and security to my new empire.
Obi-wan: Your new empire?
Anakin: Don't make me kill you!
Obi-wan: Anakin, my allegiance is to the republic, TO DEMOCRACY!
Anakin: If you are not with me, then you are my enemy!
Obi-wan: Only a Sith deals in absolutes. I will do what I must.
Anakin: You will try!
Both activate Lightsabers