Uniquely Brilliant Podcast

View Details

On this episode of Uniquely Brilliant, Diana Bader and Becky Berry discuss putting ourselves first and equal to the needs of others. When we forget to treat our needs as equal to the needs of others in our lives, we become stressed and frustrated. We prioritize their needs over our own and shortchange things like rest and relaxation. We also neglect enforcing our boundaries which puts on the highway to exhaustion.

Becky and Diana discuss the tricky areas of honoring our time and our money.

Diana reminds us that money is an exchange of energy. And it’s easy to find ourselves in debt, overspending, or giving our money to others. When we’re not mindful about money matters, we feel drained.

Becky shares her struggles with managing her calendar (aka her time). She forgets to do things like schedule enough times between clients and allow time for rest. When we overcommit by doing too many things or by not taking breaks, we can feel frustrated and overwhelmed.

Becky brings up a favorite Uniquely Brilliant discussion topic: Essentialism. She’s reading another book relating to essentialism: 4,000 Weeks: Time Management for Mortals by Oliver Burkeman. The concepts in the book echo the concepts of Essentialism: setting priorities, saying no, and enforcing boundaries.

Some tips on putting our needs first and equal:

Establish boundaries. When we set and enforce boundaries around the time we want to spend communicating with others or on social media, it helps us maintain our positive energy.
Ask for help. It’s important to be bold when we ask for what we need. If we need to reschedule an appointment, ask for it. As Diana mentions, oftentimes we don’t even know what our needs are and that’s ok! When we figure them, it’s okay (actually, it’s critical) to put our needs at least equal to the needs of others in our lives.

Additional Uniquely Brilliant episodes on essentialism:

Episode 130: Essentialism and Coronavirus

https://directory.libsyn.com/episode/index/show/uniquelybrilliant/id/13999148

Episode 88: Essentialism

https://directory.libsyn.com/episode/index/show/uniquelybrilliant/id/5585187

View Details

On today’s episode of Uniquely Brilliant, Diana Bader and Becky Berry discuss the March Slump.

Diana begins this episode by reminding us that two years ago at this time the whole world was shut down because of COVID, and our feeling that we’re in a slump could be a trauma response.

The pandemic and the response to it are different now, but not completely different. Masks, boosters, quarantines - change constantly.

Becky and Diana point out that everyone has a different comfort level with how to approach the world today. While Covid is still a big threat, Diana points out that there are equal threats to those who are immunocompromised that are rarely mentioned.

Becky points out that because of the strangeness of our last two Marchs plus now, it’s easy to lose our sense of agency. We can forget that we can impact our own lives by the choices that we make.

The unpredictability of the weather in March adds to the slump. The temperatures and weather are all over the place: it can be 80 degrees one day and snow the next day.

Diana and Becky share their strategies for maintaining their equilibrium. The overarching strategy is to go with the flow of the weather. Diana takes advantage of sunny weather by pursuing outdoor activities. When it’s cold, she stays inside and cooks.

They also touch on the power of doing activities that soothe you. They go deeper into the power of soothing in Episode 146.

Full link to 146:
https://uniquelybrilliant.libsyn.com/episode-146-soothe-yourself-by-grounding

We can empower ourselves by:

Picking our battles by choosing what we think about and focus on
Looking our emotions in the face and accepting them and choosing whether to surrender to the current circumstance or rise above them
Staying in the moment
Distracting ourselves with something that makes us feel lighter - listening to music, watching tv, reading, or cooking
Changing scenery - going outside, taking a drive, taking a walk

When we purposefully choose what we focus on, we feel a greater sense of agency.

View Details

In this episode of Uniquely Brilliant, Becky Berry and Diana Bader discuss ways to approach the smorgasbord that is life.

Diana starts by discussing her recent experience on a cruise where she learned cruises no longer put out smorgasbords of food like they did before COVID. She draws a parallel between choosing from a smorgasbord and choosing priorities and goals that allow us to enjoy the smorgasbord of life.

Becky brings this back to essentialism, since essentialism is about focusing on solely the things that are essential to our lives.

Additional episodes where Becky and Diana discuss Essentialism:

Episode 88: Essentialism

Episode 130: Essentialism and Coronavirus.

They also discuss the importance of delegating tasks so we aren’t taking on everything that’s thrown at us. Diana points out that in order to delegate, we must be able to relinquish control of the task. This also requires asking someone we trust to follow through with the task.

Becky shares her struggles with wanting to provide instant answers to everyone. She reminds us that we do not always have to answer questions immediately. It’s critical to ask when someone needs an answer so we can figure out where the request fits in our priorities.

Diana and Becky observe that our priorities change throughout time. So, we may find that things we put on our plates even a year ago are no longer critical to us.

It is important to constantly query our options and evaluate what we can let go of that’s not important to us and what we can delegate.

When we like something, it’s okay to try it or taste it. And, if it’s not to our taste, we don’t have to do, wear, or consume it. We can think about our priorities, and choose to put it down.

Diana shares that many of the things she procrastinates on are frequently things she can turn over to someone else.

Becky and Diana wrap up by reminding us that it’s okay to ask for help and stress that it’s critical to our mental health to know when to ask for help. And, if the people we ask can’t help us, we can ask them to refer us to someone who can.

View Details

Diana Bader and Becky Berry discuss examining our assumptions about rules.

Their conversation is based on an article Becky read that reminded her to question the rules. In the article a therapist told a client who was struggling with depression and being able to do the things she wanted to get done on a daily basis that she could put her crusty, dirty dishes in the dishwasher and…wait for it…run it twice!

Sometimes we assume things are hard and fast rules when they’re not. Running the dishwasher twice is both energy and water efficient, while rinsing and scrubbing them by hand is not.

Becky and Diana also discuss Diana’s progress on tapping into her creativity again creative (you can hear the original discussion in Episode 157). As a first step, Diana turned to cooking. Cooking grounds her because she uses all of her senses and creativity. She observes that cooking is creative and it gives her the means to prepare and freeze nutritious food for times when she might not have time to cook.

They remind us that coloring outside the lines is cathartic and remind us that not all decisions are black and white. As Diana says, when we look at things in terms of black and white, we miss out on all of the color.

They also talk about the little tasks you can do to gain control over a situation when everything seems to be going wrong. It can be as simple as running that cruddy load of dishes through the dishwasher twice. It can also be as simple as making our beds. Becky shares that making her bed soothes her into her mornings (because she’s not a morning person).

Diana reminds us that embracing the power of saying no to things eases our anxiety! Saying no determines where our energy goes, It defines our boundaries and priorities with others.

How we spend our time shows the world what we value, and having boundaries protects us from being overwhelmed because it helps us to say no when we need to.

Becky talks about different ways she makes her mornings less stressful, and Diana talks about how she’s learned to ignore things until she has met her priorities!

View Details

In this episode of Uniquely Brilliant, Diana Bader and Becky Berry talk about the importance of resting, resetting, and recovering.

They begin this episode by discussing how many people experienced the beginning of 2022 as a rough start. They talk about their feelings about Omicron, the latest COVID-19 variant, and emphasize the importance of staying in the present moment.

One of the ways to cope with our problems and the world at large is to find humor everywhere we can. We can find sistraction in television show or movie that we enjoy. We can also hang out with a friend who makes us laugh.

Diana doubles down on our need to be in the moment. We experience huge amounts of stress from not forgetting to live in the moment.

She suggests that we keep a list of things we enjoy doing so we can pull it out when we are feeling down. When we do something on the list, it helps us stay in the moment so we can enjoy it.

We can also think about our values (one of Diana’s is creativity) and do activities that align with them. Diana has noticed she needs to dive back into creative pursuits to help her ground herself.

Becky and Diana give us permission to stop reading a book in the middle or listening to a podcast anytime we want if they’re not helping us feel better.

They point out that it’s important to consume media that lifts us up.

They remain convinced that we have agency over how we move through our lives - even in year 2 of a worldwide pandemic.

View Details

In this episode of Uniquely Brilliant, Becky Berry and Diana Bader talk about the value of being our uniquely brilliant selves. When we embrace who we really are and how we really think, we embrace our unique brilliance!

In their conversation, Diana and Becky recap some of the character differences between extroverts and introverts - including how they process information. Extroverts like Becky frequently process out loud, while introverts like Diana process within their own minds.

Becky talks about the importance of working out her thoughts verbally while Diana discloses that she’s been working on building her ability to process out loud over many years.

They also discuss the difference between introverts and extroverts in terms of where they draw their energy. Generally speaking, extroverts are energized by people and flourish in groups. Introverts (again, generally speaking) prefer solitude and quiet.

Becky discusses one of her most frequently quoted phrases: “This is going to work out better than I can imagine.” She uses it because it reminds us to get out of our own way so we are open to possibilities out there that we can’t see or imagine.

Diana relates this to being in the woods with headphones on. If we are going through the woods with headphones on, then we miss the flowers blooming and the critters running around. When we remain open and remove our headphones, we can see opportunities when they occur.

Diana and Becky also discuss what it’s like to fully embrace our uniqueness, and how it feels to reject it. They point out that it’s easier to be ourselves when we are in tune with others who are being themselves.

They also discuss the strange fact that many of the things people have told us are wrong with us are, indeed, the very things that make us uniquely brilliant.

Their conversation also covers why having allies at work, or anywhere we feel vulnerable, makes it easier to step into our unique brilliance and be our full selves.

View Details

Diana Bader and Becky Berry talk about their words of the year in this podcast episode! They choose words of the year as a means to focus their thoughts around their intentions for the coming year. In past years, Diana has selected bliss, blessed, and extraordinary, to name a few. She’s been doing this for ten years - she even had a word for the decade: impact.

The idea for the word of the year came from the book, Lifeword: Discover Your One Word to Leave a Legacy by Jon Gordon. Below is a link to the book. https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01N79M0D7?ref=KC_GS_GB_US

Becky's been doing the word of the year exercise for three years. Her first word of the year was unleashed; her second was steady.

This year Becky has chosen Knowing and Diana has chosen Release.

Becky explains why she chose an affirmational word instead of an aspirational one. She also writes about this on her blog: https://beckyberrycoach.com/your-word-of-the-year/

Essentialism episodes:

Episode 88: Essentialism - https://open.spotify.com/episode/4G6TFbBuQ4tIi1zv8zCwnm?si=ab950ce6a1c24585

Episode 130: Essentialism in the Time of Coronavirus

https://open.spotify.com/episode/6FP70rbs96Ld1aHzHF4UMP?si=0148320a08fd4136

Life Word: Discover Your One Word to Leave a Legacy (Jon Gordon)

View Details

In this episode of Uniquely Brilliant, Becky Berry and Diana Bader talk about the value of blowing things up.

There is still so much uncertainty in the world during this pandemic. It makes it hard to feel settled.
Diana talks about her criteria for an event mask being mask worthy.
Becky and Diana talk about how this pandemic differs from the 1920 pandemic. Becky points out that the main difference comes down to 3 words: international air travel.
Diana discusses the results of neglecting one of her core values: creativity and shares tips for bringing it back.
They also discuss resilience, its importance, and how we can only be resilient if we have a sense of agency in our lives. Agency is understanding we have the ability to impact our own lives. We exercise agency when we trust our gut instincts and continue to do the things we know will keep moving forward.
Episode 114: Agency v Control talks about the importance of exercising agency in our lives.
It’s necessary, not scary to blow things up when it’s time
It’s important to be willing to blow things up (change everything) when things are not working for us and finding another way to move to the next place in our lives.

View Details

Episode 153: Get Out of Your Comfort Zone

In this episode of Uniquely Brilliant, Becky Berry and Diana Bader discuss the importance of getting out of our comfort zones.

We don’t always realize that we’re coasting in our comfort zone, so it can become uncomfortable when we do.

For example, it can be our default to stay in a job because it has health benefits even when we don’t like that job. We end up stuck there because we think we can do the job for one more day, then another, and another - and, all of the sudden we’ve been there for years!

Luckily, we do not have to leap out of our comfort zones. We can tip toe out, instead. Once we’ve identified what we are struggling with, we can then evaluate what we are doing now compared to what we would like to do.

Diana talks about tip-toeing out of our stuckness requires us to assess our quality of life factors.

We can start by listing what we do not want to do and why we don’t want to do them as a means of evaluating why we choose to stay.

Sometimes we stay in our comfort zone to avoid conflict and hurting others’ feelings, which is a kind of conflict in and of itself.

To begin moving out of our comfort zone, we can reach for the thing that’s just a little bit out of our reach.

Just say yes to something. What is the smallest thing we can say yes to?

We can also change up our perspective by taking a new class or talking to someone.

Diana also talks about EFT, Emotional Freedom Technique, or tapping. She uses the technique to help clients balance their energy.

Questions? Comments? Contact us at brilliantandquirky@gmail.com

View Details

The Missing Step? Savoring Our Work

On this episode of Uniquely Brilliant, Diana Bader and Becky Berry talk about the missing step in our work and personal lives.

Diana begins the episode by talking about a conversation she had with her son about how he was improving his life. She shared his experience of playing a video game where he and a friend came to the conclusion that to get tasks done in life, we must break each part down into little pieces.

We should also remember to look at where we came from, and the work we did to get where we are. When we forget to look back to where we came from and the steps we took to get to our end result, we are being dismissive of the work it took to get there.

Becky summed up this process by naming it “chunk and reflect.”

When we review the work that brought us to our current place, we are supercharged going forward. It gives us a focused momentum because we understand where we came from and acknowledge what it took to get here.

Also, when we take what we like and leave the rest, we move forward. We unbind ourselves from other people’s ideas and expectations and exercise agency in our choices. We let go of what isn't working.

Reviewing our work forces us to pause. And, when we embrace the pause, we think more clearly while moving forward.

The process?

Review progress (How did we get here? What needs to change?), Savor that progress, then move forward to the next action or project.

View Details

In today’s episode, Becky Berry and Diana Bader talk about the difference between presence and focus.

Being present is being fully engaged in the moment. It's taking the time to listen fully.

Since energy flows to where our thoughts go, when our thoughts are scattered, our energy is also scattered. Being present mentally and physically keeps us aligned.

When our energy is aligned, our thoughts are calmer. The act of being present allows us to focus.

We have to engage our bodies before our minds. When we align our bodies, and ground ourselves physically in the present, we think more clearly.

Focus is a brain activity. When we bring our energy into the moment we can bring our minds into it, too.

Diana has Becky do the 5 Senses Exercise to demonstrate how to be present (aka grounded). Here’s how it works:

We look around and name 5 things we see.
We close our eyes, listen closely, then name 4 things we hear.
We reach out and touch 3 things and notice how they feel.
We sniff and identify 2 things we smell.
We identify 1 thing we can taste.

As we go through the exercise, it brings us back into our bodies and into the present moment.

Where our energy goes, our mind flows.

The book referred to in this episode is The Extended Mind: The Power of the Thinking Outside the Brain by Annie Murphy Paul.

View Details

In this episode of Uniquely Brilliant, Becky Berry and Diana Bader talk about thinking, the third component of productivity from the book, Essentialism by Greg McKeown.

Becky shares how she gets blocked when she does not think before she makes a big move.

The precepts of Essentialism consist of narrowing things down to the essentials. The process is virtually impossible to accomplish if we don’t invest time in figuring out what is essential to us.

Sleeping, thinking, and playing are the three pillars of being productive. And, the most successful, productive people schedule thinking time on their calendar!

It’s when we invest our time in stopping and thinking about what we want, that we can create purposeful movement forward. By gifting ourselves with time to think, we create room to identify what is truly important.

Diana reminds us to view the big shifts that happen as a result of our thinking as adventures.

Sometimes we have to get lost in our thoughts to figure out what we’re really thinking about!

Thought gives us the ability to see where we are and where we want to go from a fresh prespective.

Pause and think!

View Details

In this episode of Uniquely Brilliant, Diana Bader and Becky Berry discuss our absolute need for adequate sleep, how to get it, and the results of inadequate sleep.

Good sleep is critical to our bodies performing to the best of their abilities.

Sleep protects both our physical and mental assets.

Even when we miss sleep and feel like we are doing ok, the lack of sleep will eventually catch up to us.

Our brains store what they learned during the day while they sleep. And, while we’re sleeping our brains also get some well-needed rest!

When we’re not sleeping enough, it’s impossible to be as productive as we could be.

Yoga Nidra is a yoga practice that simulates what the brain does during sleep. It has said to be as refreshing as 8 hours of sleep. Here’s a 20-minute practice video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7H0FKzeuVVs

Becky and Diana share how they feel after a night of no sleep. Diana says it's much harder to work out, and Becky says she feels heavy.

They discuss how we all function differently when it comes to sleep and our innate biorhythms.. Some people are morning people, and others function better at night - and that’s perfect. It is important that we understand our own biorhythms so we can respect them.

Becky and Diana also discuss different ways to get to sleep. Diana does a guided meditation, while Becky reads on her Kindle.

They share the concept of making a list of things to do to help us get to sleep.

Sleep gives us the energy and brain power to handle whatever comes at us the next day!

View Details

On this episode of Uniquely Brilliant Diana Bader and Becky Berry talk about the importance of play.

Lila is Diana’s word of the year. Lila, which means playful manifestation in Sanskrit. She shares how she is enacting its spirit.

They talk about the way spending 5 minutes in a day can change our outlook.

Becky shares three things you need to be productive: sleep, play, and then planning and guarding those things with your life.

What constitutes play? We may hear the word play and think, oh that sounds frustrating. Perhaps we’re thinking of childhood games that everyone but you loved. Tag, anyone?

Play can be anything that you enjoy doing!

As Becky says, if you like cooking, then that is playing. If your favorite thing to do is run then that is play for you!

If you find joy in it, it’s play.

They talk about strategies to find your joy when you need a lift. Diana suggests making a playlists of songs you like to dance to and playing one of the songs to access that lift.

We need play to be more productive. Without the release of play, we cannot perform at our full potential.

We can train ourselves to look for playful moments.

Some playful things include coloring, doodling, watching funny videos, and sharing gifs with friends.

Schedule five minutes of play everyday!

View Details

How do we know how to get to the next place when we don’t know what the next place is?

Becky Berry and Diana Bader cover this question in this episode of Uniquely Brilliant.

Diana points out one way is to focus on the short term because we must get out of crisis mode and make a plan for the near future.

Becky reminds us that we have to remember things are different and we must just get through things now, while Diana reminds us to let go of how things were before the pandemic.

By letting go of the past we are able to move forwards, which leads to growth. Going backwards keeps us stuck and improves nothing.

Fear and panic will not help us to move forward either.

Becky admits that going with the flow is not her natural mode, but she tells a story about her 85 year old mom going with the flow when the eye doctor told her she couldn't drive anymore.

If you allow change to become an adventure and look at the opportunities presented in the moment, you can do things differently.

Diana hints at a secret project she is involved in all because she was open to change and new opportunities.

You can’t go with the flow if you are weighed down by the past; And, if you fight the flow you’ll eventually be beaten down until you go with the flow or end up stuck where you are.

Diana shares this analogy: When you are on the water, you aren’t in charge of the water, so you just have to go with it.

Expressing agency (Becky’s favorite word) in these situations occurs when you know you are in charge of your actions and you go with the flow by thinking through things (instead of reacting) and trusting yourself and your experience.

View Details

In this episode, Becky and Diana discuss what it's like to be living in today’s world, including questions like: How do we deal with the new reality of not knowing if you should hug people or fist bump?

Diana Bader talks about how everything is just a little disjointed.

They discuss the importance of knowing how to ground yourself. Diana shares this sensory exercise for grounding: Identify five things you can see, four things you can hear, three things you can smell, two things you can touch, and one thing you can taste. Becky tries it on for size.

This exercise helps to bring you back to your senses. Plus breathing - always remember to breathe.

Becky Berry mentions walking in the grass with bare feet to ground herself.

They share their experiences around mental grounding and meditation. They observe that not everyone can visualize, so it's a great idea to use guided meditations or other meditations that work better for you.

Shamanic Drumming and Humming on YouTube: https://youtu.be/ivCOrc1HWxI

Today’s Tidbit

Find what soothes you when you’re feeling disjointed and out of sorts. It could be a bath, glass of wine, or meditative chants.

View Details

Diana Bader and Becky Berry talk about a favorite topic: adventure!

Diana refers to everything as an adventure. As a matter of fact, originally, each episode of Uniquely Brilliant was called “The Adventure of ....”.

As Diana says, “Life is an adventure because you never know what is coming.” She talks about her experience moving back up north to Ohio from Atlanta. She felt the full force of the good and the bad and how it’s critical to not set expectations.

Becky talks about her experience with her coworking space and the trials of letting it evolve in a pandemic.

Diana shares the losses she has experienced in her life and the reason she continues to see possibilities everywhere.

They identify the 3 things that help turn things from ordeals to adventures: Curiosity, Wonder, and Risk Tolerance.

Diana reminds us to live in the moment because the only way you make memories is when you’re in the present moment!

What is an adventure if not the ultimate good memory?

Today's Tidbits:

Attitude is the difference between an ordeal and an adventure.
You know you are having an adventure when it’s cool and scary at the same time.
We can continuously build our own adventure - see #1!

View Details

Becky and Diana talk about all the ways people feel about talking.

Becky shares her experience in opening a second business (her coworking space for women, MAD! Workspace) and all of the feelings that go along with starting it up and keeping it going in a pandemic.

She also talks about how she processes things through talking. She needs to hear the words coming out of her mouth to figure out what’s going on.

On the other hand, Diana is an introvert, so she doesn’t need to talk things out to process them. She likes to mull things over, then figure some of it out herself a little before she shares. And, when she does share, there are only a few people she wants to share her thoughts with - like Becky and this entire audience.

Diana points out that the difference between fear and excitement is breathing! Both emotions tap into the same place in the brain.

They also talk about the importance of making deep connections with people and how rare it is to make deep connections with new people. The problem in making deep connections is that it takes time. And those people are important to have around you so you don’t feel judged.

Diana talks about how she sometimes shuts down around people who are not open minded, and Becky reminds us that when we are ourselves, we find people who complement us.

They also address this question: What do you do if someone doesn't want to talk? They agree that the best way to get someone to open up with us is to create an environment of trust by being patient and asking good questions.

A key (and brave) question to ask? Why don’t you want to talk about it?

Something to ponder: Small talk means I see you. It serves a valuable purpose in setting the table for deeper discussions and connection.

View Details

Today Diana and Becky talk about how they get to do it (everything) differently!

It’s hard to remember to rephrase the idea from “having to do it differently” to “getting to do it differently” but it makes a big difference in our mindset. “I get to do it differently” indicates agency and choice.

They talk about VISION BOARDS!

Diana shares her new workout with The Exercise Coach and how it meets her goals and desires..

They both cover how we can all do things differently, and how feedback can be important for growth.

When we do it differently, we release any need to apologize or justify our actions.

The critical takeaway is that everyone’s different is - wait for it - different! Choosing to do anything differently also means figuring out our unique differences.

When we focus on strengthening our strengths instead of our weaknesses we own the power and value of our own experiences!

Pause a minute and reflect on how today was a success!

View Details

In this episode, Diana and Becky talk about the Art of Maintaining. This is a great episode for people who are struggling lately or drowning in the shoulda, woulda, couldas. Becky and Diana bring it back to the present and ask hard questions about what is really important and how we NEED to take care of ourselves. And Becky advocates for getting rid of the words “strive” and “working hard.”

Sometimes in life we find ourselves needing to maintain rather than excel, and that's okay.

Diana talks about appreciating the moment instead of settling by pushing through it. She also discusses the system she created to help her get through her days when she needs to just maintain.

Diana also discusses how hard it was to maintain when she had a young child and how people in her life continuously pressured her to get more done.

Becky reminds us that maintaining is a big part of Essentialism because when we choose to maintain instead of striving for more, we are claiming our own priorities and owning that it’s ok to be in the moment and take care of ourselves.

When we tell ourselves we “should” be doing something, there is always someone else’s belief behind it. Instead, we must stop and ask ourselves if this belief is true right now or if it even matters to us.

It’s easy to fall into the trap of feeling like you need to be doing more.

Maintaining is giving up the illusion of control.

Diana compares maintaining to being a superhero. To expand on the metaphor, when we maintain, we become like The Flash because we are slowing down everything around us and focusing solely on the important parts.

While in Maintaining mode, priorities get really small and specific. It’s like wearing blinders and earplugs - and it takes a lot of practice.

Self-care is the cornerstone of maintaining. Becky talks about the importance of having support for our self-care. We can enlist the help of family members, or friends, or acquaintances to remind us that in order to get through the current situation, we must take care of ourselves.

View Details

Becky talks about the different times in her life when people have tried and succeeded in silencing her because they thought she was too much and she believed them.

Becky and Dana discuss the difference between saying that they don't care about something instead of saying it’s being important to them.

Diana shares that when she doesn’t care about something, she works on reframing it as not being a priority to her. She also shares the story of high diving while in the Bahamas.

Becky describes being told that she was too much as being “subtle and insidious.” It was never said aloud; it was implied in the way people talked to her and about her.

When people label women as “too much,” it means they’re threatened by our ideas. Becky and Diana talk about how living by different norms threatens other people's ideas of how things are supposed to be.

Diana talks about the book, Disrupt Her, by Miki Agrawal.

They both talk about how they are disruptors in life and how they can both fall into playing it small.

When we finally accept who we are in life, it doesn’t matter what other people think. It also allows us to embrace being bigger and bolder.

It’s important to surround yourself with people who accept your muchness because it allows you to be yourself.

Finally, they talk about the freedom inherent in their bigness and how it enables them to fail fast, learn, and move forward.

View Details

Becky Berry and Diana Bader discuss the importance of bringing our whole selves to everything. They also dig into what happens when people only want to interact with a piece of us.

Some notes:

Our whole self is more than our individual pieces!

We all wear different hats in our lives, but that doesn’t mean that's all we bring to the table.

Diana talks about how someone recently wanted to experience only one piece of her in their relationship and they were unwilling to accept all of her.

Since both Becky and Diana have chosen lifestyle professions, they have intentionally engineered their work so they bring their whole selves to their endeavors instead of compartmentalized pieces.

They chat about this idea in the context of jobs that want us for only one skill instead of every single thing we bring to the table.

Becky shares the story of how one of her best friends, Carolyn, became her best friend after she stopped seeing just one piece of her and opened up to seeing her more fully.

Diana admits that she likes to know people more fully because of her curiosity. She feels judged when people only want to know her in pieces.

They point out that it’s a missed opportunity when you’re only seeing one piece of a person.

To stop seeing people in pieces, we first need to recognize their essence and open ourselves to seeing them in their totality.

As Diana says, “Seeing the bonuses in life is just one moment of curiosity away!”

Many of us act differently depending on the context we find ourselves in. Wholeness happens when we can be the same, no matter the context.

Becky reveals her realization that she tends to judge her life harshly in pieces, instead of looking at the full picture.

Diana knows that she is much more willing to see other people as whole than she is to see herself that way.

Which leads to this caveat: We must treat ourselves the way we treat other people!

View Details

Becky Berry and Diana Bader talk about the critical importance of honoring our energy.

Diana discusses the many issues she's had to deal with over the last year and how her expectations weren't met when she moved back to her hometown. All of these things have affected the energy level she can bring to her life.

Becky and Diana are trying to figure out if they are tired because of the seasons changing or if they are just tired.

Diana is mulling over whether her issues are physical or caused my emotional stress. She goes into detail about her timeline of events that led her to moving and the intricacies of being emotionally done with everything. She speaks of having to finally “put down her sword.”

Diana shares how humor is one of the ways she gets replenished and they both relive a story and memory where they used humor to diffuse a rough situation.

As Becky puts it, they have both become adept at grabbing the things that restore their energy.

Diana talks about how she is focusing on building her community. She reminds us that laughter is great but it’s not as effective if you’re laughing alone.

In short, we can only honor our energy when we’re also honoring our values and enforcing our boundaries.

If you like the podcast, don’t keep it to yourself! Share it with a friend! It’s super easy to share episodes from Spotify, but you can do it from any platform.

To review us on iTunes, go to this podcast in your iTunes library. Then, scroll down to ratings and reviews, click write a review, and write away!!!

Thank you!

View Details

Recorded in May 2020. This was our final Pandemic episode.

Becky and Diana are so tired of being responsible and having to overthink about everything!

They chat about what we can do to lower our tension levels and bring as much ease as possible back into our lives.

Becky talks about the coworking space she owns and how she is tired of having to remember the safety rules for everything. And, since it’s Becky, how she finds refuge and relief in reading.

Diana discusses the intricacies of going out to eat during the pandemic.

As Diana said, “At the end of the day, the only person I can be responsible for me is me. And how I act and how I react to what’s out there.”

Right now, the only thing we can really do is do our best and have faith that doing our best is good enough.

They also cover meditation and prayer.Our bodies can tell us both how and what we’re feeling. Meditation helps with dealing with responsibility by allowing you to create more ease in your life by helping you figure out what’s your responsibility and what’s the weight from everything going on around you!

View Details

How do you make plans when no one knows?

We recorded this in May. It’s interesting/sad how the things we talked about still apply in February.
Diana says she has had a hard time lately because she had planned on a lot of travel and connecting during this time in her life. She has been forced to reimagine her life and has received a lot of pushback from her own bad self, causing a massive internal struggle.
Becky discusses how incredibly difficult it is to plan anything at all.
The realization for all of us that this new way of living isn’t temporary is discussed. Becky and Diana talk about the uncertainty of the future makes everything harder. And the talk about why it’s necessary to trust our guts.
Becky speaks on the idea of creating a container around a decision that determines when you’ll revisit it.
Here’s how it works: make the best decision you can with the information you have at hand, and then come back to it in a fixed number of weeks. In between the time you make the decision and the time you’ve set to revisit it, you avoid second guessing it and worrying about it.
When you create the container, it helps you avoid decision fatigue.
Going with the flow requires constant reassessment.
Diana contemplates getting a dog.
The hardships around wearing masks is discussed as well as the real reason we wear them: to protect those around us.
Becky describes her COVID safe back hug! Definitely try this at home!

View Details

Becky Berry and Diana Bader talk about how prolonged isolation doesn’t work for anyone.
Diana begins this episode by talking about Harry Harlow’s experiments with monkeys that proved everyone needs comfort, and without human contact, we fail to thrive.
They also discuss the problem with texting: it’s just not the same as talking voice to voice.
Becky shares her strange birthday in the 8th week of quarantine, and talks about how she missed the human connection.
Becky also confesses to being a good energy vampire (she magnifies the energy instead of taking it) because she needs people around her so she can recharge and connect.
Diana admits that, even as an introvert, she is also sick of being isolated. Together they discuss the need for hugs and real face-to-face time.
Becky has a hard time recharging without people while Diana becomes overcharged and very talkative when she finally does see people. There’s no balance - and no way to achieve it!
They both notice how it’s hard to feel like yourself when you are alone all of the time, and feel that interactions with people can become awkward.
We all react differently to being alone all the time, but whether you get your people energy from Zoom meetings or texting, that soul connection that happens in face-to-face interactions is missing. Zoom does help a little because we can at least see people’s faces and hear their voices.
Funerals and weddings have also become difficult because we can neither console or celebrate face-to-face.
Becky and Diana also discuss what happens to the people who are thriving under these new conditions, like working from home, wondering how they’ll adapt when (or if) they return to the office.
They both wonder what the future will hold. And what will the future hold? Will there be fear concerning reconnecting with each other? When we are able to see each other again on a regular basis, what will that look and feel like?
Spoiler Alert: Nobody knows.
Recorded 5/5/2020

View Details

Nature, mindset, kids. It’s all covered in this episode.
Choosing to make it work is a daily choice. We can choose to make it work five or six times a day.
Even with friends, making it work is different now. By using FaceTime and Zoom for face-to-face calls, we can make it work.
magazine did an article about why Zoom calls are stressful. It’s because these meetings are not really face-to-face. They’re pseudo presence as opposed to real presence. We’re not sharing space – and it’s getting to Diana.
On the other hand, COVID has given us the brain space to notice nature more. And those moments give us joy.
Leaning in to the necessity of slowing down helps us make it work. Fighting yourself doesn’t help.
To make it work, we have to rest. We’re constantly accommodating new things, and our brains are muscles. They need a break!
Making it work can mean being creative by making do with what you have at home.
Deciding when to do something on our to-do lists helps get it done! When we add it to our calendars, we’re more likely to do it. #gretchenrubin
Becky’s favorite strategy is to write out the best and worst versions of life during quarantine. Completing this exercise creates a container for our anxiety and worries.
Making it work is all about grabbing onto the opportunities that appear in front of us - or, as Becky says, business as usual.
When we decide, we start to move forward.
When we decide to do something our brains help us find ways to get it done.
So whether we think we can or we can't do something, we're right! SMH (smack my head)

View Details

“Let your heart be your guide on all things, but you have to listen closely because it speaks softly.” ~ John St. Augustine

Recorded April 22, 2020
Everything is NOT business as usual.
All of the inconsistencies are frustrating.
The uncertainty gives us an opportunity to rely on our wisdom.
Experience breeds confidence.
Allow others to find their own wisdom.
Creativity and wisdom work hand in hand.
When the environment around you doesn’t change, look for other cues as to how to respond.
The most important thing is to get through this experience whole.
Allow for the possibility of a do-over.
We have the right to rely on OUR wisdom above all else.

View Details

Not everything will go as you expect in life. That is why you need to drop the expectations and go with the flow of life. ~ Leon Brown

Recorded April 14, 2020.
What is the least thing we can do to make it better?
Follow mother nature for cues on how to move forward.
Surrender control in situations we can’t control.
Surf the uncertainty of the situation instead of fighting it.
We can only control our responses.
Honor what we have instead of focusing on what we don’t.
The slower pace gives us the opportunity to notice more of what is around us.
Our constraints are only as small as our imaginations.
The little things are the big things.
As we go with the flow instead of fighting it, we get to pick and choose our way forward.

View Details

“Faith is not about everything being okay. Faith is about being okay no matter how things turn out.” ~ Unknown

Recorded April 7, 2020
Be a phoenix not an ostrich.
There is always another side to a crisis.
This is real life right now. Embrace the imperfection.
We are grieving. It cannot be business or life as usual.
False positive encouragement just makes us feel worse.
We are getting reacquainted with ourselves.
There is a major shift in reprioritizing what is truly important to us.
Give yourself permission to feel all of it.
Figure out what helps you get through the day. Do that.
Some days are just going to be better than others, and that is okay.

View Details

“Faith is not about everything being okay. Faith is about being okay no matter how things turn out.” ~ Unknown

Recorded March 31, 2020
We can be a phoenixes and rise from the ashes of uncertainty. We can avoid being ostriches.
It’s important to remember there is always another side in a crisis situation.
Uncertainty is real life right now for everyone. When we embrace the imperfection, we get through it with less damage.
We are grieving our former lives. It cannot be business or life as usual.
False positive encouragement makes us feel worse.
As we shelter-at-home, we are getting reacquainted with ourselves – whether we want to or not.
We’re experiencing a major shift as we reprioritize what is truly important to us.
We can give ourselves permission to feel all of it.
We can figure out what helps us get through the day and do just that, no more.
Some days are just going to be better than others, and that has to be okay.

View Details

“What if the whole world shifted from the undisciplined pursuit of more to the disciplined pursuit of less… only better?” - Greg McKeown (Essentialism)

Recorded March 24, 2020
Essentialism helps us develop life skills.
It adapts to life’s seasons.
We have the ability to build great relationships by asking important questions like What are your boundaries? of the people around us.
Understanding what is essential to those around you will ease conflict.
It is important to keep what is essential to us in mind right now.
Living in the moment is essential in a crisis and mitigates uncertainty.
Saying “no” creates boundaries, enhances time management, and keeps us thinking clearly.
Knowing what is essential to us allows us to manage more smoothly in a crisis and gives us a sense of control.
Deciphering whether something builds us up or tears us down will show us which actions to take.
Identify the things that give you calm and peace and allow yourself to do them.
We recorded an earlier episode on Essentialism: Episode 88

View Details

“May your choices reflect your hopes, not your fears.”

Nelson Mandela
This episode was recorded on March 10, 2020 during the Novel Coronovirus outbreak in the USA.
What the heck! moments happen when it’s hard to identify the truth.
There are ways to take action using social media, but we may have to look for them.
Our current form of community (social media, virtual) can make supportive efforts seem invisible.
A scarcity mindset can send us into victim mode.
It’s helpful to bounce things off people with different perspectives, instead of always drawing opinions from the same pond.
It is easier than ever to go to the source and get to the truth.
When we realize we have a choice and act on that, we become proactive and move away from being a victim.
Sometimes we just have to let feelings wash over us and sit with them.
It helps to remember we have made it through challenges before.
What the heck! moments can lead to too much “What if?” thinking. We can break the cycle by focusing on what we can do.

View Details

Becky and Diana have mentioned the value of pausing in so many episodes they decided the concept deserves an episode of its own.

Pauses allow us to gauge and check our perspectives.
Stopping our momentum allows us to check where we are.
A Vigilance Break allows us to stop before we start something and make sure everything is in place.
Time-Out is a parental pause.
If we don't take the time to pause, we can’t regain our perspective.
Pausing prevents us from reacting to a situation too quickly.
Do not pause and hold your breath! Breathe!
We make more mistakes when we don’t pause.
Pauses let us regain our balance.
Pause = Rest & Recovery

View Details

Becky and Diana discuss how a change in perspective can change everything.

Perspective is examining things from a particular point of view.
Sometimes we need to change our perspective on a task before we can successfully accomplish it.
Since other people’s perspectives can shift ours, it’s important to cultivate people with the right perspectives.
When we experience success in a venture, it can shift our perspective.
When we want someone to shift – or we want to shift - we have to give or take the time and space to allow the shift to happen.
Creating or finding a catalyst can help us shift.
It’s important to be aware of and recognize when we need to shift.
Reading books, watching videos and movies, seeking education, and being aware and open help all expand our perspective.
Not everyone wants a perspective change.
When we feel stuck, it’s usually a sign that we need a new perspective.

Stamp of Brilliance: Poll for perspective instead of approval.

View Details

Becky and Diana examine how we set ourselves up to fail.

It’s never intentional.
We over estimate our resources.
Things either fall away because they have to or we can choose to let them go.
We often take an all or nothing attitude.
There is never a perfect time to do anything, so what can you do now to change things up?
Sometimes we have to focus on what is working and move forward from there.
We stay stuck out of stubbornness because we know we can do it all eventually, but do we really have to? And do we have to it this way?
We have to shift our mindset so we can recognize what is not working.
We can create a catalyst to create a shift.
Too often we find ourselves thinking: If it matters to me, and I matter to you, it should matter to you too. (Ummmm…not if you haven’t communicated it to me clearly!)

View Details

Becky and Diana explore the games people play even without realizing they’re doing it.

A game is anything that prohibits straight talk and honest exchange.
We can cultivate the people around us who don’t play games.
Keeping personal information close and revealing it slowly isn’t a game.
Parenting often unfolds as a game.
Strategy is a part of any game. It can be used to achieve a positive outcome.
Playing games is a learned behavior. We often don’t realize we are playing them.
Being true to ourselves is the best defense against the game players.
Games are often easier because there are rules to follow.
Fear can keep us participating destructive games.
Playing games is always about protecting ourselves.

View Details

Becky and Diana discuss how a fresh start can give new life to an old plan.

You can just start over.
A fresh start makes it easier to start and leave the history behind.
When we step up and identify a different approach to a situation it opens us to even more approaches.
A fresh start allows us to see things with new eyes.
Every fresh start begins with taking that first step.
Resiliency happens when you believe that a fresh start is possible.
If we can exercise hindsight, we can exercise foresight.
Sometimes we have to start over to create forward progress.
If it’s not working for you, start over.
Whose plan are you on?

View Details

Becky and Diana talk about the different values we place on our gifts and skills.

We're trained to give away our gifts (talents).
Just because our gifts come easily to us doesn’t mean they come easy to everybody.
If our talents aren’t valued by certain people, we don’t feel valued by them either.
Our talents (gifts) set us apart from people with similar skills.
What did you want to be when you grew up?
Do companies really hire for soft skills?
It’s important to not take the hiring process personally.
We can intentionally determine how much of our talent we want to give away (Becky has a budget for this).
Sometimes giving our talents away for free doesn't mean we can’t have a larger payout.
We have to identify and name our gifts and talents so we recognize when we’re giving them away.

View Details

Becky and Diana challenge us to assess the stories we tell ourselves.

Our stories are how we present ourselves to the world.
All of our stories can be true, and we get to choose which one we live in.
We can change the stories we tell ourselves.
Communicating an attitude of gratitude in our stories makes it hard to stay stuck in the negative.
Victimhood is frequently the default story, but it doesn’t have to be.
Attachment to the past and to expectations makes us victims in our stories.
What if things could work out better than we can even imagine?
Uncoachable clients choose to stay stuck in their negative story.
Surround yourself with people who value your story.
Stories enforce our boundaries.

View Details

Becky and Diana discuss the frustrations of communication gaps.

We have to learn the language of the people we want to communicate with.
Personality differences often contribute to communication gaps.
We need to embrace change to understand.
People who are not entrepreneurial have a hard time understanding that lifestyle choice.
It is frustrating being questioned about a choice we have already made and having to explain ourselves.
Just because we don’t understand, doesn’t mean it isn’t valid.
Resilience and grit keep us moving whether we feel heard or not.
Everyone has had different life experiences that shape their choices and their ability to hear others.
Always assume good intentions.
When listening, put down your personal filter, and really hear the other person.

View Details

Becky and Diana talk about Core Values and how they keep you, you.

Core Values are the building blocks of who we are.
Core Values help us stay aligned with what we need.
We are more grounded when we have identified and adhere to our Core Values.
Diana’s core values are both her default and reset buttons.
They express basic truths about us.
We know we are living in these values when others recognize them in us.
Core values can help us assess who brings value to our lives.
We are energy sources that need to be recharged.
Core Values give us a place to check in when we are out of balance.
We can take our core values with us anywhere.

View Details

Becky and Diana challenge the notion that there is only one right way to do anything.

Something might not work for us if:

Should, have to, supposed to, are our reasons for doing it.
We recognize it’s not working.
We become aware of alternatives.
We hold on to the idea even when it’s not working.
We aren’t ready for the solution, so we only recognize it’s a fit when we are ready.
We are tapped out.
We just don’t fit the mold.
We process things differently.
It’s not a fit for our personality.
It’s just the wrong speed for our lives.

View Details

Becky and Diana host their friend and sister coach, Tonya Harvey. They have a lively discussion about their words-of-the-year and a general overview of how their year is going. The podcast was simulcast as a Facebook Live video session and can be found on https://www.facebook.com/pg/beckyberrycoach/videos/.

Picking an annual word keeps our main focus top of mind.
When we do stream of consciousness writing, our brains clear and make room for the intentions behind our focus word.
Choosing a word-of-the-year helps our brain shift and see things differently.
When we choose one word or concept to focus on, it’s easier to maintain that focus all year long.
Once we say out loud that we want change, the change begins.
Sharing our successes is key to building more successes.
Taking one day at a time keeps us present amongst chaos.
Our annual word helps us tame expectations.
The words we choose as our focus help give us the discipline to move with the currents of life, ie, surf!

View Details

Becky is in a funk with a calendar full of positive events, so she and Diana hash out why.

The Funk can occur even when everything is going great.
When we leave no margin in our lives for downtime and reflection, we can slip into a funk out of sheer self-preservation.
Happiness Hangovers occurs as a reminder to slow down.
The Funk can also be viewed as growing pains.
We can find the time we need to deal with an emergency, so, we need to make time for downtime so we don’t cause one.
If we take in too much, even really great stuff, we will probably explode or implode.
The sheer overwhelm of everyday noise, including things unfinished or pushed aside, wears us down.
Fragmented energy makes us feel out of control.
Knowing how much change we can deal with can help us limit our time in The Funk.

View Details

Becky and Diana challenge us to look at the drama in our lives and recognize areas where we might be contributing to it.

Basic life stuff becomes drama based on how we react to it.
We create most of our own drama.
We can make a conscious choice to not join the drama.
Drama happens when we try to control situations that are out of our control.
Most people just accept drama and then wonder why they aren’t happy.
Feeding and maintaining the drama makes it grow.
There is a place for drama, and we can put a time limit on it.
You might be creating drama if you’re:
- at the end of your rope.
- blaming others instead of taking responsibility for your actions.
- making excuses instead of coming up with solutions.
- avoiding people or situations instead of confronting them.

View Details

Becky and Diana talk about how saying yes to opportunities has influenced their lives, and how it can influence yours, too.

If we don’t say Yes to an opportunity right away, sometimes the opportunity keeps knocking until we do.
Saying Yes helps us expand our lives.
Sometimes we are nudged into a Yes because someone else sees an opportunity that we can’t.
“Live A Yes!” Is just another way of saying “Take a chance.”
Trust your instincts before you let your brain talk you out of an opportunity.
Saying Yes requires trusting ourselves and other people.
The more we live Yes lives, the easier it becomes to say Yes.
Living a Yes life isn't always about saying Yes.
It is easier to say Yes to things that align with our values.
To pull yourself out of a funk, try saying “Yes” and see if it changes your mood.

View Details

Episode 114: Control vs Agency

Becky teaches Diana about the value of agency and how it empowers us.

Agency gives us more choice about the direction of our path.
Believing in agency is a mindset.
Agency gives us independence.
We get to ask ourselves, “What can I influence?”
When we have agency over our lives we can take back our power.
Agency can’t be conferred; it has to be claimed.
Agency allows us to make empowered choices.
It gives us the confidence to take a risk and the ability to rebound if we fail.
In relationships, agency allows us to empower and support those around us, instead of trying to control them.
Removing the element of control from relationships gives them room to grow and flourish.
With agency we don’t feel attached to a particular outcome.

View Details

Becky and Diana share how podcasts have influenced their lives.

Hack The Entrepreneur was Becky’s gateway into podcasts. It taught her she was awesome just as she is.
Doing the Uniquely Brilliant podcast helped Diana find her voice.
There are tons of rich content in podcasts.
Podcasts help us find people who get us.
Podcasts are like radio on demand.
There are all types of amazing nuggets of information hidden in podcasts.
Podcasts help us connect with people we never imagined we could.
Podcasts are one of the last free platforms for content.
Podcasts enhance the growth mindset.
To find a podcast that you might enjoy, research actors, authors, and business leaders or by topics like humor.

View Details

Becky and Diana talk about the concept that we can live both/and lives.

And reminds us that we are more than one thing.
Both/And allows for flexibility.
The Growth Mindset is enhanced with Both/And thinking.
Either/Or is the opposite of Both/And.
Either/Or assumes we can only choose one option.
During a time of transition we have the option to choose the Either/Or or Both/And mindset.
If Either/Or feels constraining, it’s time to check your options.
Both/And may require time and energy to juggle the options.
Passions, priorities, and a paycheck can all be achieved with Both/And thinking.
Both/And allows us to make the choice to have what we want.

View Details

Diana and Becky discuss their words for the year: Wonder and Steady and how they deploy the words to keep them on track.

Diana’s word-of-the-year is Wonder.
Becky’s word-of-the-year is Steady.
Expectation is the opposite of wonder because it pre-supposes an outcome.
Wonder gives us the freedom to allow things to unfold.
Having a framework for making decisions helps us capture the wonder in our lives.
Some of us feel like we need rigid structure and miss out on wonder and the possibilities it offers.
Wonder grows in a flexible structure.
Expectations make our world smaller.
Wonder can be a concrete thought or a sense.
Expectations skew our perspective because when things don’t meet our expectations, we find ourselves automatically assuming they’re bad.
Steady implies movement, where settle implies stuck.
Our words-of-the-year help us stay focused and deflate the influence of expectations.

View Details

Becky Berry and Diana Bader share their memories of people who have influenced them over the course of their lives and whose words and actions continue to influence them.

Random and simple acts can have a big influence on our lives. We may never know how what we say or do for other people impacts their lives.
A smile or words of gratitude can change another person’s day, week, year, or life.
The people who taught us invaluable skills also opened doors to experiences we could not imagine at the time.
The influencers who showed us new perspectives changed how we looked at the world.
The people who believed in us and stood up for us when we couldn’t handle a situation by ourselves impacted our lives for a lifetime even if we don’t realize it at the time.
Influencers aren’t voices in our heads giving us opinions and telling us what we “should” do.
True influencers hold up a mirror that reflects our best selves back to us. They see who we really are, accept us, and show us how we can become a little bit more us.

View Details

Becky and Diana discuss how our experiences give us a chance to grow as we move forward each day.

We get to choose what experiences we bring forward with us.
We don’t have to resolve everything from our past. We can simply let go of some things.
To determine if something is holding us back we can ask, “Is this serving who I am now?”
Experiences only become negative when they impede our forward progress.
Sometimes the biggest jerks are carrying the biggest loads and don’t know they can put it down.
Can we give ourselves the same kind of relentless grace we give others?
Feeling out of balance is a sign that we need to examine what we’re carrying around from our past.
Blame and shame are default ways of thinking that make our experiences heavier than they need to be.
We’re fighting our own nature and instincts when we let go of things. Our brains evolved to look for danger by responding to negative input. Meditating helps us fight against that instinct.
If we keep moving forward, much of the junk we carry with us will fall away on its own.

View Details

Diana Bader and Becky Berry talk about the pros and cons of letting things stick to us – including our ideas about life and death. It’s also an episode about letting go of the things that hold you back.

It’s good to examine the things that we hold on to tightly. Perhaps there are some we hold on to too tightly.
Velcro is cool because it can be repositioned and reused – just like our experiences.
We can find ourselves attached to other people’s expectations which can lead to our becoming detached from our true selves.
We can tell we’re inappropriately attached to something when hanging on to it causes undue stress and hardship.
Pretending we’re moving is a great way to get rid of things we’re no longer attached to without actually having to move!
Sometimes we become so attached to ideas that we forget to re-assess them as our lives progress.
When an attachment to an idea or outcome has us in its grasp, they become self-limiting.
It’s important to get our attachments aligned with where we are in our lives right now.
Re-examining our attachment to ideas, things, places, and people can lead us to new insights.
We don’t have to destroy attachments that hold us back. Many times we just need to attach to them in a different way.

View Details

Diana and Becky discuss the importance of keeping our pasts in perspective. The title of our episode comes from William Shakespeare’s The Tempest.

We all were sea-swallow’d, though some cast again,
And by that destiny to perform an act
Whereof what’s past is prologue, what to come
In yours and my discharge.

The Tempest, act II, scene i, lines 248–54. Antonio is speaking.

We can’t move forward while hanging on to the past.
“Before you grab onto the future, make sure you let go of the past.” – a Hallmark Christmas movie that Diana watched.
The past is how we got here, how we deal with it is how we go forward.
We can structure our future by structuring what comes before it – our plans.
Our past sets up our future.
The past isn’t the beginning or the end; it’s the middle.

View Details

Although they are occasionally distracted by the presence of a rare snow storm in Georgia, Becky and Diana take the time to talk about why they are committed to seizing the day and how they do it.

When we are married to our personal agendas, we can miss out on the opportunities that are right in front of us.
What we focus on we get.
Leaving ourselves open to random moments and events allow shifts to happen.
Seize The Day = Ride The Moment
Break free from the stranglehold of expectations – both yours and other people’s.
When we release tension by doing something fun or different, our ability to focus increases.
We choose which way our life shifts.
“When was the last time you did something for the first time?” - Darius Rucker https://youtu.be/GkZIF4mmztc

View Details

Becky and Diana talk about the critical importance of managing our energy, especially around the holidays.

We have to prepare ourselves for events and manage our energy accordingly.
To operate at peak energy, we need to check our energy levels over the course of an event.
We can leave an event or take a break if we feel our energy waning.
It’s critical to find ways to replenish our energy that honors our energy profile and personality.
Before we attend an event, we can check the language of the invitation for clues about the kind of energy we can expect from the event.
Visualization is a great tool to protect ourselves from unwanted energy sucks.
It’s critical to know how to take care of ourselves, then do it.
After attending a bad event (an energy suck), we can release any negative by writing about it or talking to a friend.

View Details

Becky and Diana discuss the feelings and emotions of feeling beat-up and reveal strategies for coping with those feelings.

Triggers can bring forgotten and buried things to the surface of our minds and force us to deal with them.
Managing multiple expectations can leave us feeling exhausted.
It is important to choose our battles.
The Lack mindset and the Victim mentality go hand in hand.
When we push through difficult things quickly instead of dealing with them, they will pop up again, maybe even in different ways.
We have to go inside ourselves and slow down and deal with the yucky stuff.
To thrive, we must learn to identify triggers that can pop up and leave us feeling beat-up.
Mind/body connected activities, like yoga, help us make internal connections that heal our beat-up places.

View Details

Becky and Diana talk about the value of boundaries.

Boundaries give us a framework to move more smoothly through our lives.
We set boundaries to guard ourselves against others and against ourselves!.
When we don’t set boundaries we leave ourselves open to having our lives breached.
Prioritizing what we do and how we do it is one strategy to create beneficial boundaries.
Once we’ve compromised our own boundaries, it becomes easier to do it again.
We can experience growth as we enforce our boundaries.
Boundaries prevent burnout.
Clearly stated boundaries can help manage conflict.
Assigning value to your boundaries gives them more weight.

View Details

Becky and Diana discuss 4 of their favorite communication frameworks and how becoming acquainted with them can help you navigate the Holidays.

When we know more about how people communicate and how they receive communications everyone has a more enjoyable experience. The language in the explanations of each type also gives us clues about how to talk to various people.

DISC Styles
- D - Director: Makes sure everyone is doing their part and keeps things on track.
- I - Initiator: Keeps things fun. The social butterfly flying around the room.
- S - Relator: Keeper of the traditions, mediator, and connector.
- C - Analyzer: Makes sure nothing is forgotten.
Gretchen Rubin’s 4 Tendencies
- Rebel - They get there when they get there.
- Obliger - Give them specifics and they are there on time.
- Upholder - Will be there exactly on time.
- Questioners - Want to know why you want them there at that time.

5 Love Languages

- Words of Affirmation - Appreciate compliments and thank you notes.
- Acts of Service - Appreciate help in the kitchen or clearing the table.
- Gifts - Appreciate Hostess gifts.
- Quality Time - Hangout with the host/hostess as they prepare.
- Physical Touch - Be aware of boundaries.

DISC: http://jilldaviscoaching.com/your-new-best-friend/

Gretchen Rubin's Four Tendencies:
https://gretchenrubin.com/2015/01/ta-da-the-launch-of-my-quiz-on-the-four-tendencies-learn-about-yourself/

5 Love Languages:
http://www.5lovelanguages.com/profile/

View Details

Becky and Diana discuss the voices we carry with us and provide ideas to make sure they are the best ones for us.

We get to choose whose voice we listen to.
Sometimes we can decide to just take a nugget of wisdom from one of the voices.
We also accumulate voices when we read
Where we are in life is a great barometer for choosing whose voice we decide to listen to.
Words like “The One,” “The Best,” and “The Only” are clues that the voice speaking to us may not really be for us, and that’s okay.
Often when we take on the wrong voices, we start feeling wrong.
Our role models are excellent sources for finding good voices to listen to.
Taking in every voice you hear can become an overwhelming burden.
Replace the negative voices with positive ones.

View Details

Becky Berry and Diana Bader discuss the value of evolving as a person instead of continually reinventing ourselves.

Our podcast is a great example of evolution. We haven’t re-invented it; it has evolved.
Reinvention - The action or process through which something is changed so much it appears to be entirely new.
Reinvention implies something is wrong and needs to be scrapped and started over from scratch.
Evolution - Gradual development of something from simple to complex.
Evolution encourages adaptation and appreciating where you are.
We all have life lessons and skills that have made us more of who we are.
Every experience that has gotten us here has also helped us become richer and more interesting people.
Some people seem to evolve independently of their circumstances. Others need models.

View Details

Becky and Diana challenge us to adopt a new perspective and look at the Calendar differently.

It is easy to get stuck in a “Lack” mindset with time when we are following an arbitrary calendar that doesn’t match our time needs.
Time flows if we allow it.
Our life calendars don't run from January through December, so we can reorganize the calendar in a way that suits us.
Time on our calendars isn’t real until we act on it.
Working with our own natural rhythms helps our lives run smoother.
Every day is a new day!
It's hard to value time that we didn't create or organize.
Age is an arbitrary number.
We don't have to buy into cultural restrictions about certain ages are perceived.
Your mindset determines your mental age, not the calendar!

View Details

Becky and Diana discuss the things we do that lead us to taking on too much.

The need for control is one of the biggest factors in taking on too much.
When we push ourselves too hard it can take longer to achieve what we set out to do.
A key to avoiding taking on too much is to find more time.
We have more control over our time than we think we do.
Make time work for you, not the other way around.
The sense of overwhelm can be attributed to confining ourselves to arbitrary time frames, like the end of our year occurring in December.
Ask yourself, “What is most important?” and then do it.
We get to decide what stays and what goes in our life.
Often we take on too much to avoid what we need to do.
Some things don’t need to be dealt with, they simply need to be let go.

View Details

Becky and Diana analyze the nature of grounding and feeling grounded.

Being ungrounded can feel like flying without a place to land.
We can’t fly forever.
It is important to have both a launching point and a landing point.
Grounded is the only state we can both pause and launch from.
Grounding gives us a sense of belonging and ownership of our space.
If you know who you are, and trust yourself, you are grounded.
When we are internally grounded we can take the feeling with us.
When we find people in our world who accept us as we are they serve as a grounding force.
If we trust our physical environment then it is a grounding space.
To help us get grounded: Spend time in nature. Meditate. Shut off the internal dialog. Connect with water or the actual ground.

View Details

Becky and Diana talk about who and what we trust, or maybe need to learn to trust.

The Process:

If we aren’t ready for the process, it’s really hard to embrace it.

Ourselves:

When we are comfortable with something it is easier to trust it. Developing our skills improves our ability to trust ourselves.

Our Guts:

When we learn to trust our gut instincts it becomes easier to fend off those shoulds and fears. It makes it easier to act on our own instincts.

Others:

Everyone seems to have an opinion about our lives. It is important to cultivate people who want the best for us.

Universe:

The heart of trusting the Universe is staying open to what’s out there so we can get out of our own way.

We can only trust The Process and The Universe when we trust ourselves.

View Details

Becky and Diana identify things that hold us back and provide solutions to beat them back!

Fear is at the core of much of what holds us back.
Future-casting is worrying about what could happen and projecting our fear into the future in a way that keeps us from moving forward.
When we are not willing to share our concerns and thoughts with others, we may be afraid of hearing other perspectives.
We have to get the nonproductive stuff out of our heads.
We often have expectations, or take on those of other people, that hold us back.
Sometimes we surround ourselves with the wrong people and end up with the wrong voices in our heads.
Not knowing what we want can keep us stuck where we are.
When something is holding you back, ask yourself, “Is this real?” “Is it true?”
Whose time are you living on?

View Details

Becky and Diana talk about how pivoting has helped them in their entrepreneurial journeys and their lives, and how it can help you.

Pivoting represents a course evolution. It’s not necessarily a huge correction; it’s more of a tweak.
Shifts can happen before we realize it.
There is always a reason things pivot.
When we resist the pivot, we get stuck and can fail.
A Pivot Point is the foundational piece that a pivot moves around.
Knowing who we are helps us become the pivot point in our own lives.
In order to pivot successfully, we must be receptive, adaptable, flexible, and aware.
When we don’t have a strong pivot point, we bounce around haphazardly.
We are sold a bill of goods that life is linear.
There are no straight lines in nature. Pivots happen.

View Details

Becky and Diana share things that no one ever told them.

No one ever told us:

Diana - I could reject a job offer that didn’t feel like the right fit.
Becky - Not everyone is going to get you, and that’s okay!
Diana - I didn’t have to be part of only one core group.
Becky - Not everyone is an extrovert, and introverts bring so much to the table!
Diana – It’s just as easy to believe things are working in our favor as it is to believe they are not.
Becky – We can take what we like and leave the rest.

View Details

Becky and Diana explore the idea that our thoughts create our reality.

Our brains automatically search for memories that validate our thoughts.
We have to train our brains to focus on what we really want.
The Reticular Activating System in our brain picks and chooses what we notice.
Leaders who use fear and propaganda have all used attention getting techniques like identifying people as “other” to influence how citizens think about what’s happening around them.
The energy we put behind a thought helps manifest the thought.
When we settle for what we don’t want, there is no room for what we do want.
When we decide not to settle, the world opens up to show us the possibilities.
Our verbal and body language convey what we are really thinking.
We can shift our energy by creating energy transition rituals using sensory association (listening to favorite music, drinking a favorite beverage, wearing our favorite clothes, etc.) before we enter situations where we need to present our best selves.
We need to embrace everything that interests us.

View Details

Becky and Diana discuss the importance of acknowledging and owning our wins.

Somewhere in the growing-up process we are taught that boasting and being proud of ourselves is the same thing. It’s not!
It’s critical to both recognize a compliment and give it value.
If we don’t own our wins we stay stuck where we are, particularly at work.
The negative conversations in our heads block out the compliments.
Creating Win Jars gives us a place to capture our wins so we can revisit them when we need encouragement.
Also, creating a fan mail file containing all the emails, notes, compliments we’ve received gives us another place to reacquaint ourselves with our wins.
When we receive compliments, they are the truth. The negative voices in our heads that create self-doubt are the lies.
We must create a habit of positive response to compliments, so that we internalize our successes.
When we are aware of our wins, we will experience more of them!

View Details

Becky and Diana continue to explore David Allen’s book, Getting Things Done, this time focusing on planning a project.

Project - An outcome that requires more than one step.
90% of the work we do each day should be the next step of a project.
We tend to react to our day instead of planning it out.
Establishing a purpose for a project drives it and keeps it going.
“People love to win. If you’re not totally clear about the purpose of what you’re doing, you have no game to win.” – David Allen
In order for a multi-person project to work, everyone needs to agree on the vision (the intended outcome).
A strong vision gives us an idea of what our completed project will look like.
Brainstorming allows us to generate many ideas to work from.
When we capture our brainstorming, we have even more ideas.
Organize only to the detail that you need to.
Plans are not always linear.
Reviewing the plan is a key piece of planning.

View Details

Becky and Diana explore concepts from David Allen’s book, Getting Things Done.

In Getting Things Done, David Allen describes a 5 step process to master productivity. The steps: Capture, Clarify, Organize, Reflect, and Engage.

Capture:

Get every idea, task, and to-do item out of your head and put it somewhere.
Whether you use an app, a whiteboard, a notebook, or something else, find a place you trust to store your ideas.
Developing this habit prevents the cognitive load of incompletions (Roy Baumeister).

Clarify:

Process the ideas.
Ask “Is this important to me now?”
Ask “Does it add value?”
Use the 2 minute rule. If it only takes 2 minutes to deal the item, do it immediately.

Organize:

Where does this belong?
Give ideas and projects a priority.
What do I need get done today?

Reflect:

Review what your tasks and projects so you learn to trust your choices.
Schedule time for reflection.
Reflection creates more clarity.

Engage:

DO SOMETHING!
Take the first step.
Don’t let worrying about the end result paralyze you and keep you from moving forward.

View Details

Becky Berry and Diana Bader discuss the concept of Essentialism.

Our modern concept of Essentialism is based on the book, Essentialism, by Greg McKeown.
We tend to believe we have to do it all; that it’s wrong to delegate or even drop tasks.
We can ask ourselves is, “Am I the best choice to do what needs to be done in this situation?”
When other people are actually the priority (like kids, partners (at home or at work), or employees), it’s crucial to get their input about what makes them feel like they are a priority.
When we know our priorities, it becomes easier to delegate or let go of things that don’t honor them.
We do our best when we focus on what we do best.
Just because we can do more doesn't mean we should.
Being busy does not equal being productive.
We can filter opportunities through the Essentialism lens and choose the best ones for us.
When our priorities are respected we feel valued.

View Details

Becky and Diana explore the relationship between traction and friction.

Traction helps us navigate all terrains.
Friction helps traction move us forward.
Many people get stuck in the friction.
Friction leaves tracks to mark our progress.
The bigger the idea the more powerful the friction.
Obstacles can be crushed under the weight of traction.
We have become so resistant to friction that we have lost our ability to deal with it and have created rules to avoid it.
New ideas always create friction before they gain traction.
Traction is a function of friction and momentum is the energy produced from traction.
We don’t get traction, we gain traction.

View Details

Becky and Diana challenge us all to stop the incredibly destructive habit of comparing ourselves to others.

There are so many shoulds to sort through!
Often our comparisons are fleeting thoughts that have a big impact.
We must trust ourselves and affirm that we know what to do.
Comparison keeps us focused outwardly instead of on ourselves.
When we compare ourselves to others we limit who we are.
To be our best selves we have to declare, “I know/ am enough to take action!”
Key questions: Where am I right now? How am I feeling? Am I uncomfortable because I’m stretching or does it just feel wrong?
When we are grateful for our journey we can trust and act.
There is no room for growth or progress when we are stuck in comparison mode.

View Details

Becky and Diana explore the correlation between being open to different options and our ability to move through tough situations.

Leaving room to find other options is the true test of a growth mindset.
When considering other options we need to focus on what we want to accomplish the most.
Being immersed in a situation makes it hard for us to see our options.
We don’t have control of every situation, but we do have control of our response to them.
Three beliefs that can keep us stuck are personalization, pervasiveness, and permanence.
Radical self-forgiveness reminds us that we did the best we could with what we had in each situation we found ourselves in.
There is always room for other options.
Just because a situation is negative doesn’t mean there can’t be positive outcomes.
We are more than what happens to us.
We can’t force change.

View Details

Becky and Diana discuss how taking vacations improves our body, mind, soul, and even our productivity!

We like to believe we are irreplaceable.
When we are drained we cannot serve our constituents as a whole person.
We live in a society that believes every moment must be filled with activity.
We have to carve out the space to take breaks.
Taking breaks allows us to release ourselves from our responsibilities on our terms – before we fall apart.
Everyone finds rejuvenation in their own way.
Breaks allow us to make room for new things.
Things we didn’t even know we need can come to us both during and following a break.
Vacation vs Trip. Vacation: We let go of our core responsibilities. Trip: Same stuff, different location.
We can intentionally schedule vacation moments into a trip.

View Details

Becky and Diana discuss the perils and pitfalls of not trusting what you know.

At some point we have to stop learning and start doing.
We can fill our heads with so much information that there’s no room for a solution to appear.
Sometimes just making a decision, whether it’s right or wrong, allows us to move forward.
When we trust ourselves to make decisions we instinctively make better ones.
Sometimes we just need a knowledge detox.
Decision fatigue can be managed by creating habits.
We can give ourselves permission to decide what is right, right now.
We need to appreciate and acknowledge what we have done.
A vision becomes a habit when we decide to follow through on it.
The only person responsible for deciding where you go is you.

View Details

Becky and Diana navigate the sticky subject of money.

There are a lot of social taboos around money.
Rules about talking about money change constantly.
When we are dismissive of money we are disrespecting it.
Money is often a major stressor.
How do we talk about money ourselves?
Do we talk about money? Do we talk about it from the perspective of never having enough or having plenty?
Knowing how to earn money and how to manage money are not the same thing.
When we’re looking for a job, we should be aware of each company’s attitude towards money. Does it align with our attitude?
Emotions and money go hand in hand.
Money is just one currency that has value.
Always be actively grateful for the money you have.

View Details

After attending a great conference, Diana springs the topic of the Truth on Becky.

When we don’t know what the truth is we can’t move forward effectively.
How much of what we call truth is really just something we want?
Whose truth is it anyway?
We must identify how much of the truth we are working with.
Natural talent only gets us so far.
It can be much easier to help others find their truth.
What is it that has us saying “I can’t” instead of “I can”?
When we feel unsettled about something it is a sign we’re missing some element of the truth about the situation.
Sometimes things have to play out before we can see the truth.
When we are reconciled with identifying truth, it is easier to navigate reality.

View Details

Becky and Diana explore the power we gain each time we evolve as a person.

Evolution is “The gradual development of something, especially from simple to complex.”
It’s easy to forget we are in a constant state of evolution.
“It is not the strongest of the species that survives, nor the most intelligent that survives. It is the one that is the most adaptable to change.” Charles Darwin
We aren’t who we were yesterday.
If we don’t evolve, we're a drag on the system!
Zombification of companies occurs when they don’t evolve.
Once we’ve evolved and gained new powers, we don’t lose them. They’re just stored away in our treasure boxes.
Evolving allows us to build a foundation we can use to create bridges to others so we can establish relationships with them.
The key to continual evolution is to remain curious.

View Details

Becky Berry and Diana Bader investigate the gaps in understanding that keep people and businesses from reaching their full potential.

The generational gap works both ways.
“We’ve always done it this way,” isn’t a legitimate reason to do something.
Building a bridge of understanding between generations is the ideal.
The first step in closing the generation gap is developing mutual respect.
Anytime we develop better communications and understanding of each other helps us build and reinforce the bridge.
Merging skills from all generations is game changing.
The education system - how it values of certain skills, teaching methods and curriculum choices - also fosters gaps in understanding and respect.
Maintaining limits and restrictions perpetuate gaps in understanding.
Gaps also appear when we fear, resist, or are unable to re-imagine ourselves.

View Details

In the 3rd and final part of their series on innovation, Becky and Diana talk about incremental innovation.

Incremental innovation is the art of tweaking.
When we have Uniquely Brilliant minds, we’re naturally inclined to innovative thinking.
Businesses are looking for people who can improve upon things without reinventing them.
Many of us who are Uniquely Brilliant can identify problems and see solutions other people cannot even imagine.
Some innovators do a lot of internal processing before they share their ideas, while others present their ideas proceed to process them out loud.
Innovation can only take place when there’s space to talk about it and then space for people to embrace it on their own terms.
As innovators, when we identify the pain points that people are experiencing, it helps those people connect with our ideas.
We coaches use innovation to help our clients become the best versions of themselves that they can right now.
It’s critical to detach from the outcome when we share innovative ideas.
Incremental innovation is about aging ideas and allowing them to come to fruition in their own time instead of ours.

View Details

In the second installment of their innovation series, Becky Berry and Diana Bader consider End User Innovation.

End user innovation creates something that fills an unidentified and unmet need.
End user innovation can happen in the heat of the moment using the resources at hand to make what we need.
Tenacity is a critical strength of end user innovators.
Sometimes it is hard to explain a vision until it has evolved to a point where others can understand it.
As Mike Dooley says, the cursed hows are a deterrent to innovation.
Little innovations can have major impact on people’s lives.
When we talk about innovation, we frequently talk about vision. Visions involve all 5 senses and include action and space, otherwise they are just pictures.

View Details

Becky and Diana begin a three part series on innovation beginning with disruptive innovation.

Uniquely Brilliant people are always innovative.
Disruptive innovation attacks the traditional way of looking at and doing things.
Collecting data around the problem we’re solving makes our innovations more effective.
Innovation is one application of creativity.
To be innovative we have to be willing to fail and then try again.
Questioning reveals where disruptive innovation is needed.
Innovation doesn’t happen without grit and a growth mindset.
Disruptive innovation always receives push back from supporters of the status quo.

View Details

Becky and Diana discuss what it is like to be stuck and what to do about it.

We stay stuck because we are numb to the pain we’re in.
When we’re first stuck, we thrash around and fight it. But if nothing changes we give up.
We stay stuck when we lack the imagination and trust to believe there’s another way out or through our situation.
Visualization is a great way to move towards getting unstuck.
Neural plasticity in our brains creates neural circuits and new connections in the brain which allows us to change both our thinking and the way our brains work.
Sometimes we have to put aside aside things when we’re stuck and pick them up at a later date.
When we choose what we know over what could be, we are assuming that there are no better choices out there for us.
We often create a gap in understanding our potential and the possibilities out there in the world that prevents us from moving forward.
Numb is not a passive state; it constantly drains your energy.
It takes some kind of catalyst, even something as small as a thought, to propel us out of stuck.
While getting unstuck is usually not pleasant, the end result is!

View Details

Becky and Diana talk about the difficulties that ensue when we take critiques and mistakes personally.

When someone criticizes your work, do you feel like they’re criticizing you?
It can be hard to separate ourselves from our work, but we must.
We need to maintain space between who we are and the work do so we can maintain our objectivity.
We are not the products/ work we create.
Taking things personally is like donning one heavy coat for every critical comment and carrying them around with us!
One of the most effective skills to develop for handling critiques and mistakes is to have a short memory. Quarterbacks do not stomp out of the stadium after a bad pass!
We don’t need to poll others for approval.
Being professional means accomplishing the role we’ve accepted in our jobs along with their standards and then performing to those standards. We are not the job.
When we take everything personally, we stop taking risks and stop growing.
The Learning Zone – where we grow by making mistakes, listening to critiques, and develop the understanding that we’re not failures.

View Details

Becky and Diana discuss Gretchen Rubin’s 4 Tendencies and how understanding them helps you develop successful habits.

A habit is something you do without thinking about it.

Most systems for developing habits tell you to employ either an “all or nothing” or “moderation” mindset.
When working with others it is helpful to respect their tendencies.
The 4 Tendencies focus on how you meet inner and outer expectations.

The 4 Tendencies:

Upholder - Meets both inner and outer expectations. Motto: “Discipline is my freedom.”
Questioner - Questions both inner and outer expectations, but makes decisions based on their inner expectations. Motto: “Convince me why, and I’ll comply.”
Obligers - Meets outer expectations and resists inner ones. Motto: “You can count on me and I am counting on you to count on me.”
Rebel - Resists both inner and outer expectations. Motto: “You can’t make me and neither can I.”

View Details

Becky and Diana explore the concept of surrender.

Surrender is a loaded word for many and can be misconstrued as giving up.
Surrender allows you to release your grip on a particular situation.
Surrendering to a plan gives you the space to find out if it works.
Surrendering to a plan is an effective way to stomp down resistance to change.
Surrendering to the boundaries of a situation creates focus so you can follow the course.
Measuring progress and seeing results makes it easier to surrender.
We can forget that we have surrendered before and succeeded.
We tend to spend more energy fighting a situation that would have worked better if we surrendered.
We can fall into a Lack mentality when we resist giving in.
Surrendering in one area gives you space to focus on other things.

View Details

Becky and Diana delve into the concept of control and why we try so hard to stay in control.

It’s all about trust. Trusting others, yes, but mostly it’s about trusting ourselves.
There is a false sense of safety and security when we think we’re in control.
People want certainty.
Boundaries teach people how to treat you.
No matter how hard you try you can’t change other people.
Control actually limits your possibilities.
When you exert control over others, you don’t give them a chance to express who they are and learn from the mistakes they might make.
If there is a controlling person in your life, remember it is their problem. You are only responsible for your responses.
Always needing to be in control can be very lonely.
Positive reinforcement can help combat controlling people because it gives them the validation they need.

View Details

Becky and Diana discuss living “As if.”

Live your life as if you are already living the life you want.
Mentors are helpful as role models while you are moving towards your goals and dreams.
What baby steps can you take right now to get the life you want?
There is very little preventing you from learning new skills and gaining new knowledge.
The “As If” process allows you to try on the life you want and see if it’s a fit.
When acquiring knowledge use the platform and medium that work for you.
Opportunities appear when you begin living “As If.”
Find mentors who are only a few steps ahead of you.
Act “as if” you have already succeeded.
Living “As If” is an active choice.

View Details

Becky and Diana explore the concept of pronoia, the belief the Universe is working for you.

Why is it easy to believe that things are working against us rather than for us?
Most people are more comfortable attributing the negative things “out there” to someone or something else instead of their own.
Taking ownership can be equally hard when things are going well.
Start looking for the good and you will find and receive more good.
When you say there is enough you give the Universe the opportunity to show you it’s true.
Gratitude works hand in hand with pronoia.
You need to train your brain to accept that good things are meant for you.
You actually get smaller and heavier when you feel negative. You get lighter and taller when you feel positive.
Belief in plenty creates a bridge to opportunity.
When you look carefully, you will see the Universe wants you to be the best you, you can be.

View Details

Becky and Diana discuss the value of asking for help and giving help.

When you take on a role sometimes it’s hard to let it go even when you don’t like it. It can be the same way with asking for help.
Micro managing happens when someone needs to take on all the roles in a project.
It’s hard to share and ask for help when you don’t have a model.
Helping and sharing tasks is a core attribute of animals, including people. It’s a key to survival.
People may want to help but don’t know how.
Figure out a way to let them help.
Feeling safe in a relationship is a key to asking for help.
Asking for help shows respect for the person you are asking.
Asking someone for help gives them the opportunity to meaningfully engage with you.
When you need help, it’s not always easy to see the bridge that can connect you with the help.
It’s great if you can identify what you want before you ask for help.

View Details

Becky and Diana examine the effects of burnout and share strategies to deal with it.

Once you are burned out you have to take a break and assess where you are or you will continue to flounder.
Do you have to do it all? Do you have to do it all the way you are doing it?
Leading your life based on Essentialism helps you define what is most important and allows you to prioritize opportunities.
You can burnout without boundaries and you can burnout with boundaries that are too rigid.
Flexibility that respects the flow of life is key to avoiding burnout.
Know the pace of your own life and live from there.
Be careful what you take on and ask, “Is it necessary?”
Are other people’s expectations contributing to your burnout?
Surround yourself with friends who support where you are now.
Teamwork, sharing the load, drastically diminishes burnout.

View Details

Becky Berry and Diana Bader discuss the pitfalls and positives of commitments.

You can’t make progress without commitment.
Commitment creates parameters that can increase productivity
FOMO (fear of missing out) is an epidemic in this country and it’s creating commitment phobia.
Committing to too many things makes it impossible to be committed to anything.
Over scheduling teaches children they are worthless unless they are always busy.
The things kids want to commit to don’t have to be the same things as their parents. This is how they explore.
Set a timeframe to stick to your commitments. If you’re in an experience that isn’t working out for you, make sure you’ve spent enough time doing it to give it a chance.
Interest vs Commitment: Interest is thought. Commitment is action.
Your integrity is built on how you handle your commitments.
When you let commitments slide, your integrity is tarnished and so is your self-esteem.

View Details

Becky and Diana talk about strategies to implement goals any time of year.

There is no “right time” to set your goals.
Setting goals too soon in the New Year can be counterproductive because they end up being a reaction to the previous year.
Goals should create action.
Myth: Goals are set in stone.
Check in with your goals on a regular basis to see if they are still relevant.
The most important part of goal setting is identifiying the motivation behind them.
Use the tools and systems that fit you and that you will use.
Breaking your year up into laser focused chunks increases productivity.
Dividing big goals into smaller ones makes them less intimidating to complete.
Goals can be fluid to accommodate your life.

View Details

Becky and Diana remind us that no matter what we are going through it’s not forever.

In the midst of a tough situation we tend to forget it will end.
Action is required to both maintain the things we want in our life and to move through the things we don’t.
People don’t stay in situations unless they are getting something out of it.
Being grateful helps you shift from a negative attitude to a positive one.
Just do! Make the best of what you have.
The bottom line is to understand that you have the biggest impact on your own life.
Believing things can change is a practice that shortens the duration of negative events.
What you take in from the world influences what you put out to the world, and you get to choose both!
“Whether you think you can or can’t you are probably right.” Henry Ford (also Buddhists)

View Details

Becky and Diana give strategies to adapt to a new normal in the face of change.

The uncomfortable feeling associated with change often makes it seem bad.
Shifting your perspective to accept change makes it easier.
Change can either be by choice or thrust upon you.
Resistance creates a smaller, tighter, less flexible existence.
There are two sides to “What if?”
- What if it goes wrong? - and - What if it goes right?
When we choose the easy way, we can find ourselves surrendering our power to someone else.
Change and growth don’t happen when you’re comfortable.
Having to delay gratification because you want to know how it’s going to turn out makes change frustrating.
Our New Normal develops at the speed of our acceptance of the change.

View Details

Becky and Diana explore the effects of carrying around extra luggage in our lives.

When you travel light you have room to acquire new experiences and things.
Luggage comes in many forms: physical, emotional, mental, and relational.
Tolerating things and situation takes up time and energy and slow you down.
Often we don’t take care of things until they are extremely painful or problematic.
Urgency can be an artificial construct.
Get rid of your excess baggage by setting boundaries, delegating, or simply purging.
Letting go of things (and people) creates space and makes you feel lighter.
Expectations can set you up to carry extra baggage.
If you can’t get rid of your baggage by yourself ask for help.
Don’t let the weight of your baggage hold you back. Let it go.

View Details

Becky and Diana review strategies that come up over and over in their podcast episodes.

Personality:

You need to know who you are to know what you want.
Success begins within.
If you don’t know what drives you, anything can.
The more you know about yourself the easier it is to say, “No.”

Community:

Work buddies and life buddies are those people who really get you and support you as you navigate the world.
Choose your circle of friends wisely. They can either raise you up or drag you down.

Breaking the Cycle:

Grounding (when you’re anxious) - name things, touch your fingers together, name numbers out of order, and gratitude all bring you back to the present moment.
Pause - A focused breath can give you the space to act instead of react.
Perspective - Shift your point of view physically, intellectually, or collaboratively.

View Details

Becky and Diana discuss the challenge of living a life of moderation.

Living in moderation is really managing the highs and lows.
The enemy of moderation is panic.
When in an extreme state, remember you are not the only one who’s had really high highs and low lows.
You know what’s best for you. Listen to yourself first.
You can’t find the middle without experiencing the extremes.
Your middle can grow as your life grows.
Just because it exists doesn’t mean it’s right for you.
Denial and deprivation make you leap over moderation and head straight to excess.
We put the moral value on things; things don’t have intrinsic value.
A successful life is about being comfortable and happy wherever you are.

View Details

Becky and Diana discuss the value of be able to see things from someone else’s perspective.

Being able to see things from someone else’s point of view is a great asset for work, life, and relationships.
Conversation breaks down when you can’t or won’t see things from the other person’s perspective.
If neither party can see things from the other’s point of view you have a stand-off and nothing gets done.
Asking questions helps you gain insight from another’s perspective.
When you assume intent, you’re making a guess that could actually be fiction.
Self-assess your conversation to ensure what you are saying is being received in the way you want.
You miss so much by closing yourself off to others’ viewpoints.
There are people who don’t want to take your scenic route.
Walking in other people’s shoes, to see what and how they see, can be uncomfortable.
Respect is created when you acknowledge someone else’s perspective, even if you don’t agree with it.

View Details

Becky and Diana explore the frustrating sensation of anxiety and share strategies on how to cope with it when it strikes. They also discuss the difference between normal anxiety and anxiety disorders.

Decide if your anxiety is being caused by a real situation or a perceived expectation.
Uncertainty is one of the biggest factors causing anxiety.
To lower your anxiety level, assess what is most important and drop the rest.
Anxiety is one of the most contagious negative emotions.
The desire to be in control is another factor that contributes to anxiety.
The Cycle of Anxiety:
- Calm > Anxiety Activator > Perceived Danger > Brain Signals Fight or Flight > Body Prepares > Perceived Danger. This cycle continues until it is interrupted.
Strategies for battling anxiety include: reworking anxiety provoking thoughts and writing them down, calming self-talk, and grounding.
Grounding is a strategy where you re-direct your 5 senses to break the anxiety cycle.
- Look around you and
  - Describe 5 things you can see right now.
  - Describe 4 things you can touch right now.
  - Describe 3 things you can hear, or describe your favorite 3 sounds.
  - Describe 2 things you can smell right now or that you like to smell.
  - Describe 1 thing you can taste right now or that you like to taste.
- We assign importance to things and then react to that importance. The things are not important on their own.
- Anxiety Disorders differ from typical anxiety because they create a constant anxiety loop and need interventions to stop them.
- Occasional anxiety is usually situational, and strategies can be taught to cope with the anxiety when it arises.
- The actions you take to deal with your anxiety depend on your personality.

View Details

Becky and Diana examine how living in gratitude can impact your life.

A simple “Thank You” is one of the first ways we are taught to express gratitude.
Gratitude is a mindset.
To live in gratitude, you have to practice gratitude.
Gratitude shifts your thoughts from focusing on the negatives in a situation to finding the positive.
Living in gratitude is an intentional act.
Gratitude can be the catalyst that moves you forward.
The least selfish thing you can do is be grateful.
Before you go to bed, during meditation, or while taking a walk list the things you are grateful for.
Once you have developed a gratitude practice, you will find it harder to stay in frustrating and upsetting situations.
Every second you spend being grateful gets you closer to being more grateful.

Uniquely Brilliant Podcast: Recent Episodes

Diana Bader / Becky Berry