The Divorce Survival Guide Podcast: Recent Episodes
Kate Anthony, CPCC
On the Divorce Survival Guide Podcast we have open and honest conversations about co-parenting, separation, divorce, and the hardest question of all, should you stay or should you go? Hosted by Kate Anthony, your Divorce Survival Guide.
On today’s episode we’re talking about the complex issue of cryptocurrency and divorce, and to help unpack it, I brought in Chris Groshong. Chris made the leap from biotech to fintech when he founded CoinStructive back in 2015. Since then he’s worked for crypto financial institutions and has helped hundreds of people track down crypto lost to scams, hacks, and yes, hidden in divorce.
If crypto feels confusing, secretive, or even a little bit shady to you, you’re not alone. But as Chris explains, the blockchain is actually built on transparency. So once you know what to look for, it becomes a powerful tool for uncovering hidden assets.
In this conversation, we break down what crypto really is, how it shows up in divorce, and what steps you can take if you suspect it’s being used to conceal money.
Here’s what else we discuss in this episode:
- What cryptocurrency is and why understanding how it works is so important in the context of divorce (3:29)
- What the hell is the blockchain?? (4:56)
- Why crypto can be risky in divorce: people often forget that it’s not just about gains, but losses too (21:26)
- Red flags that might signal your spouse is hiding crypto (think unexplainable withdrawals, hardware wallets, or sketchy apps) (24:56)
- How crypto investigations actually work and why they’re often more successful than you'd think (44:49)
Learn more about Chris Groshong: Chris Groshong is a Certified Fraud Investigator who focuses on helping victims of cryptocurrency scams. He is also the Chief Compliance Officer for several crypto financial institutions including Bitcoin ATM operators, OTC exchanges, Wallet operators, DeFi platforms and more. He helps oversee money transmitter licensing and regulatory affairs for his clients at a fraction of the cost of attorneys.
He is a member of the CFCIA (California Financial Crimes Investigators Association), Government Blockchain Association, The Chamber of Digital Commerce, ABA (American Bar Association), ACFCS, ACFE, ACAMS, and has served as an Expert Witness in a Federal fraud case involving Bitcoin and Monero as well as several Divorce cases. He maintains a public-private partnership with the FBI through Infragard.
Chris is the Executive Director of the Crypto Recovery Alliance, a non-profit organization dedicated to helping victims of crypto thefts and scams by providing Blockchain Forensics to victims who can’t afford services, as well as access to low or no-cost Mental Health services and preventative education and training.
Resources & Links:The Divorce Survival Guide Resource BundleFocused Strategy Sessions with Kate Phoenix Rising: A Divorce Empowerment Collective Chris's website Crypto Recovery Alliance Chris on LinkedIn
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DISCLAIMER: THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE. YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM. Episode link: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/episode-328-crypto-and-divorce-how-to-uncover-digital-assets-with-chris-groshong
Today we’re talking about something that doesn’t get nearly enough airtime: how older kids and adult children experience and process divorce. Whether they’re in high school, college, or fully grown, your children still need you to show up as a parent. Today, I’m joined by the one and only Christina McGhee to unpack the complexities of divorcing when your kids aren’t little anymore.
In this episode we dig into why older kids are so often overlooked during divorce, what happens when they start naming the dysfunction you shielded them from, and how to support them without spiraling into guilt or defensiveness. Together, we explore how to navigate these pivotal moments with intention, compassion, and a deep respect for your child’s experience.
Here’s what else we discuss in this episode:
- Why we sometimes overlook the needs of our older children during divorce (3:57)
- Advice and insights for parents of adult children navigating guilt over past family toxicity (21:52)
- Supporting adult children as they come to terms with the divorce and their childhood experiences (22:34)
- What to do when kids align with the abusive parent and you feel them slipping away (27:25)
- How to validate your child's experience without lying or vilifying the other parent (28:38)
Learn more about Christina McGhee: Christina McGhee, MSW, is an internationally recognized divorce parenting expert, speaker, and author of the critically acclaimed book, PARENTING APART: How separated and divorced parents can raise happy and secure kids and the founder of divorceandchildren.com.
Christina adamantly believes divorce doesn't have to equal devastation for families. While it is undeniably hard, with the right kind of information and support, she feels parents have the ability to be a child's absolute best resource when families change.
Currently, she maintains a select coaching practice and runs a The Co-Parenting Specialist Certification Training Program that teaches divorce professionals how to keep kids in the center, not the middle, when parents part. She also continues to serves as the Education and Training Director for The SPLIT Outreach Project, a non-profit organization responsible for two unique and deeply moving documentaries, SPLIT: The EARLY Years and Split UP: the TEEN Years. These films offer a eye-opening look at how divorce impacts children's lives over time.
Whether training, coaching or creating programs, Christina is passionate about disrupting the status quo, changing divorce for the better, and keeping the focus where it belongs… on kids. She has been featured on television, radio, podcasts, and in print around the US and abroad. A few places you may have seen her are TODAY Parents, NBC News, the BBC, The Times, and Parents Magazine.
Christina and her husband live outside Houston, Texas, and are the proud parents of four "adultish" children (two bonus, two bio.) When she's not busy restoring order to the universe, Christina spends her time taking in sunsets, searching for the perfect cup of coffee, and ordering more books than she can read.
Resources & Links:Kate on Instagram Kate on Facebook The Divorce Survival Guide Resource Bundle Focused Strategy Sessions with Kate Phoenix Rising: A Divorce Empowerment Collective Christina’s websiteCo-parenting Specialist Training ProgramChristina on Instagram
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DISCLAIMER: THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE. YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM.
Today on the podcast I’m talking with Tamara Frankfort Odinec and Shari Joseph, the brilliant creators behind My Next Chapter, a new expert-led digital platform designed to support people through every stage of divorce with guidance, community, and curated content. What started as two women trying to find clarity in their own divorces has become a full-fledged resource hub with everything they wished they had when they were in the thick of it.
When I was going through my divorce, I would’ve given anything for a one-stop place to land, a space that wasn’t just filled with noise or horror stories, but real, grounded guidance from experts who knew what they were talking about. That’s exactly what Tamara and Shari have created with My Next Chapter. Tamara is post-divorce, Shari is in the messy middle, and together, they’ve built something I genuinely believe will change the divorce support landscape.
Here’s what else we discuss in this episode:
- The origins of My Next Chapter and why having expert-led support is non-negotiable when you're navigating divorce (4:32)
- What makes this platform different from anything else out there (11:27)
- How My Next Chapter is designed to meet you exactly where you are and walk with you as you evolve (24:24)
- How anonymity, mentorship, and community are changing the way we move through divorce (34:43)
Learn more about Tamara Frankfort Odinec: Tamara Frankfort Odinec has spent the past 25 years at the forefront of technology and marketing in various leadership roles, most recently as the founder of My Next Chapter, an expert-led platform and community for people going through every stage of divorce. Tamara also founded and runs Monty Media, an app development company that creates innovative apps for adults and kids, leveraging new technologies. Prior to this, Tamara led successful entrepreneurial endeavors for brands such as Real Simple Magazine and American Express and served as Chief Marketing Officer of Flywheel Sports. Tamara lives in New York City with her three kids and is happily divorced.
Learn more about Shari Joseph: Shari Joseph is a global brand marketing leader with extensive experience in digital partnerships and social media communications. She is President and co-creator of My Next Chapter, an innovative content and community platform offering resources and support for every stage of divorce. Shari is also the founder and CEO of Smart Digital, LLC, a brand marketing and communications consultancy supporting clients across PR, social media, influencer marketing, and creative campaigns that build online presences and drive engagement. Before starting her consultancy, Shari was VP, Global Digital Partnerships at American Express. She drove the company’s global digital strategies, starting with the very first tweet from @americanexpress. Shari lives in the NYC area and recently started her next chapter as a single mom of two.
Resources & Links: Focused Strategy Sessions with Kate
Phoenix Rising: A Divorce Empowerment Collective My Next Chapter For a limited time, you can sign up for a complimentary founder's lifetime membership, where you can get access to amazing resources and a community to connect with those navigating similar situations. My Next Chapter on Instagram @mynextchapterofficial
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DISCLAIMER: THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE. YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM.
This episode is a fun twist. Alyssa Dineen of Style My Profile and Jennie Young of Burned Haystack Dating Method are back, but this time they’re interviewing me. I’m in the hot seat as we dive into how their work completely shifted my experience re-entering the dating world, what I did differently this time, and how I met my partner, Ethan.
I was done with dating. D.O.N.E. I was perfectly content on my own, independent and fulfilled. But I’m also human. I wanted love, connection, and partnership. What I wasn’t willing to do was settle for anything less than something truly extraordinary. This conversation is a behind-the-scenes look at what changed and what becomes possible when you lead with intention, use the right tools, and hold out for the real thing.
Here’s what else we discuss in this episode:
- Why I felt stuck in a dating loop for eight years and what finally shifted after interviewing and then working with Alyssa and Jennie (9:10)
- How intentional profile choices and using the Burned Haystack Method changed everything on the apps (11:51)
- Matching with my “needle”: Ethan’s profile stood out with pink shorts, shared values, and genuine communication. And let’s not forget those EYES!! (30:23)
- What it’s been like to break all the so-called rules and build something secure, drama-free, and full of intention after years of doing the work (52:07)
Learn more about Alyssa Dineen: With over 25 years of experience as a fashion editor, stylist, and art director, Alyssa established herself as a seasoned leader in the New York fashion world. In the past decade, Alyssa has also emerged as a pioneering figure in the online dating space. Her innovative approach combines her expertise in styling with her insights into dating, guiding clients on everything from personal presentation to effective communication with potential partners.
As an acclaimed dating expert, Alyssa has been featured in The New York Times, Today Show, Goop, and Oprah Daily. She is also the author of The Art of Online Dating published by Harper Collins in 2021, which offers valuable strategies for success in online dating. You can find more information about Alyssa and Style My Profile’s services at stylemyprofilenyc.com.
Learn more about Jennie Young: Jennie Young is the creator of Burned Haystack Dating Method, a dating method grounded in applied rhetoric and feminist praxis. It is designed to combat many of the challenges of dating in a market that is too frequently mediated by misogynistic and patriarchal structures. She holds a Ph.D. in rhetoric and discourse studies from Case Western Reserve University and a satire writing certificate from Second City Chicago. Her work has been published in McSweeney’s, Ms. Magazine, HuffPost, and others and covered by major media outlets such as The New York Times, Newsweek, RollingStone, and others.
Resources & Links:
Thank you to today’s podcast sponsor: Wild PasturesSubmit your questions here for possible inclusion in future Q&A podcast episodes Focused Strategy Sessions with Kate Phoenix Rising: A Divorce Empowerment Collective Kate’s Dating Profile (video)Blog post about deal breakers vs preferences
Episode 309: Online Dating After Divorce with Alyssa DineenStyle My Profile websiteAlyssa on InstagramAlyssa’s Facebook Group
Episode 317: Burned Haystack Dating Method with Jennie YoungJennie’s website Jennie’s Facebook Group Jennie on Instagram
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DISCLAIMER: THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE. YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM.
Episode link: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/episode-325-they-helped-me-find-love-now-theyre-interviewing-me-about-it-with-alyssa-dineen-and-jennie-young/
My friend and colleague Tony Overbay is back, and we’re unpacking one of the most transformative concepts in relational healing: differentiation.
At its core, differentiation is the ability to say, “This is who I am” and to stay rooted in your identity, beliefs, and emotions, even when others might pressure you to conform. It’s about holding onto yourself while staying connected to others, without relying on external validation to feel okay.
In this episode Tony and I talk about what differentiation really means, and how developing a solid sense of self—what Tony calls a “90% solid, 10% flexible” ratio—can change how you navigate conflict, boundaries, intimacy, and even sex.
Differentiation isn’t something you do to fix the relationship. It’s something you do to help you hold onto or come home to yourself.
Here’s what else we discuss in this episode:
- The truth about interdependence and how it is the opposite of codependence (14:03)
- Tony breaks down the four points of balance in differentiation: building a solid sense of self, self-regulating emotions, managing reactivity, and sitting with discomfort for growth (17:22)
- The dangers of chasing external validation instead of developing self-worth from within (20:08)
- Why “constructing your crucible” is both hard and necessary (39:15)
Learn more about Tony Overbay:
Tony Overbay is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, Certified Mindful Habit Coach, and host of two award-winning mental health podcasts, The Virtual Couch and Waking Up to Narcissism, with over 12 million downloads across 150+ countries. He also co-hosts Love, ADHD with author Julie Lee, The Mind, The Mirror, and Me with his daughter Mackie, and Murder on the Couch, a true-crime-meets-therapy podcast with his daughter Sydney. Together, Tony, Mackie, and Sydney offer live weekly relationship advice to over 20,000 viewers across TikTok (@virtualcouch), Instagram (@virtual.couch) and YouTube.
Tony’s first book, He’s a Porn Addict, Now What?, was an Amazon best-seller in Sexual Health and Recovery and he currently has two books scheduled for a late 2025 release. One is based on his “Waking Up to Narcissism” podcast, and the other is on couples communication based on his “4 Pillars of a Connected Conversation,” which he developed while working with over 1500 couples over the past 20 years. He works with individuals and couples on issues including narcissistic traits, states, and tendencies, emotional immaturity, betrayal trauma, faith transitions, and addiction. He’s the creator of The Path Back, a faith-based online pornography recovery program, and offers courses on couples communication, parenting, and navigating faith journeys at tonyoverbay.com (https://tonyoverbay.com/).
Tony has four adult children, recently became a grandpa, and has been married to his high school sweetheart, Wendy, for 34 years. Before becoming a therapist, he worked as a software executive and wrote a humor column for nearly eight years. He’s an avid runner with over 100 marathons and ultramarathons under his belt, including a dozen 100-mile races.
Resources & Links:
Thank you to today’s podcast sponsor: Our Family WizardSubmit your questions here for possible inclusion in future Q&A podcast episodes Focused Strategy Sessions with KatePhoenix Rising: A Divorce Empowerment Collective Tony’s websiteTony on InstagramTony on TikTok
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DISCLAIMER: THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE. YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM.
Episode Link: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/episode-324-the-power-of-differentiation-with-tony-overbay/
When you’ve finally left a toxic marriage and your kids, especially adult kids, have spent years steeped in that same environment, the guilt can be crushing. You wonder: How do I help them heal? How do I set them up for success when I feel like I already failed them?
Dr. Alexandra Solomon is back, and we’re getting into the deep stuff: parenting through regret, healing alongside our kids, and what it means to let our children hold their truth, even when it wrecks us a little.
And, when you’ve walked through fire and come out whole, you get to show your kids that love can look like mutual adoration, and that being single is better than being stuck. Here are some truths you’ll hear: Your healing is the best gift you can give your child. Witnessing their pain doesn’t mean narrating their story. You’re allowed to screw up, and still be a good parent.
This one’s for every mother who wonders if it’s too late to get it right. It’s not.
Here’s what else we discuss in this episode:
- Why witnessing your child’s pain is step one to their healing (7:25)
- How healing ourselves supports our kids more than trying to fix them (9:37)
- Why modeling a healthy post-divorce relationship can be life-changing (22:49)
- The danger of “I don’t want my kid to make the same mistakes I did” (35:44)
- How to have emotionally safe relationship talks with your kids (39:59)
Learn more about Dr. Alexandra Solomon, PhD: Dr. Alexandra H. Solomon, PhD, is internationally recognized as one of today's most trusted voices in the world of relationships, and her framework of Relational Self-Awareness has reached millions of people around the globe. A couples therapist, speaker, author, and professor, Dr. Solomon is passionate about translating cutting-edge research and clinical wisdom into practical tools people can use to bring awareness, curiosity, and authenticity to their relationships. She is a clinician educator and a frequent contributor to academic journals, and she translates her academic and therapeutic experience to the public through her popular Instagram page, which has garnered over 200K followers. She is on faculty in the School of Education and Social Policy at Northwestern University and is a licensed clinical psychologist at The Family Institute at Northwestern University. Her hit podcast, Reimagining Love, reaches tens of thousands of listeners across the globe each week and features high-profile guests from the worlds of therapy, academia, and pop culture. She is the award-winning author of two books: Taking Sexy Back and Loving Bravely, which was featured on the TODAY show.
Resources & Links:
Thank you to today’s podcast sponsor: Wild Pastures Submit your questions here for possible inclusion in future Q&A podcast episodesFocused Strategy Sessions with Kate Phoenix Rising: A Divorce Empowerment Collective Alexandra’s websiteIntimate Relationships 101Reimagining Love Podcast Alexandra on Instagram Alexandra on FacebookMasterclass Anxiety Toolkit
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DISCLAIMER: THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE. YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM. Episode Link: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/episode-323-parenting-through-regret-and-repair-with-dr-alexandra-solomon/
Beverly Engel is back, and I’m so grateful to talk with someone who’s spent decades helping people break free from trauma-driven relationship patterns. If you’ve ever felt stuck in the same story - same red flags, different partner - you’re not alone. In this episode, Beverly brings clarity to the messy, courageous work of breaking free and putting your past in your past.
Beverly is a renowned psychotherapist and author of 27 self-help books, including her latest, Put Your Past In Your Past. In this conversation, we get into how hard it is to break lifelong patterns, especially when you were never taught how to feel your feelings, let alone trust them. But that’s where the work is and that’s how we begin to change everything. Healing is messy. It’s uncomfortable. But it’s also liberating as hell.
Here’s what else we discuss in this episode:
- What trauma reenactment actually is and how to begin interrupting the cycle (7:56)
- How to create a “triggers list” and begin connecting the dots between past pain and present-day reactions (10:51)
- Why you can’t heal what you don’t feel and what to do when the emotions finally surface (18:44)
- The fear of naming your trauma in relationships (and how to work through it) (40:08)
- Tools for building self-compassion and protecting yourself moving forward (43:40)
Learn more about Beverly Engel: Beverly is an internationally recognized psychotherapist and expert on trauma. She has written 27 books on the related subjects of abuse, shame, and empowerment, including The Emotionally Abusive Relationship and Healing Your Emotional Self. Her books have been translated into many languages, including Spanish, Japanese, Chinese, Korean, Greek, Turkish, and Polish. She has a blog on Psychology Today titled The Compassion Chronicles and her writing has been featured in Oprah Magazine, Cosmopolitan, The Chicago Tribune and The Washington Post, to name a few.
Resources & Links:
Thank you to today’s podcast sponsor: Our Family WizardSubmit your questions here for possible inclusion in future Q&A podcast episodes Focused Strategy Sessions with Kate Phoenix Rising: A Divorce Empowerment Collective Beverly’s website Heal My ShameBeverly on Instagram
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DISCLAIMER: THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE. YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM.
Episode link: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/episode-322-put-your-past-in-your-past-with-beverly-engel/
Valerie Jones joins me for a powerful conversation about something so many of us need to hear: redefining what it truly means to be selfish. Valerie is a life coach, host of The Selfish Woman Podcast, and the author of the upcoming book The Selfish Year: The Power of Choosing Yourself, hitting shelves in September 2025.
In our conversation, Valerie shares the transformative experience of her own "selfish year" after leaving an emotionally abusive relationship — a year that challenged her to get radically honest with herself and stop outsourcing her self-worth. We also dive into dating as a self-growth experiment (yes, really!), how emotional safety shapes our experiences of sex and intimacy, and why centering ourselves is not only radical, but absolutely necessary.
Here’s what else we get into, in this episode:
- Why Valerie chose “selfish” as her word of the year and how it became a life-changing framework (5:38)
- What Valerie’s recovery from people-pleasing looked like, and how it shows up in her work and life today (15:26)
- Emotional safety is non-negotiable for sex and intimacy (25:39)
- How to start trusting yourself again after emotional abuse (32:25)
Learn more about Val Jones: Valerie Jones is a Life Coach for women who are ready to create the life they truly desire. She is on a mission to redefine the word selfish, and help women learn how to prioritize themselves. Through her proven methods based in neuroscience, Valerie has helped thousands of women create better lives and relationships.
Valerie is host of The Selfish Woman Podcast and author of The Selfish Year: The Power of Choosing Yourself. She is known for her direct approach and relatability combined with humor and compassion. Resources:
Thank you to today’s podcast sponsor: Wild PasturesSubmit your questions here for possible inclusion in future Q&A podcast episodes Focused Strategy Sessions with Kate Phoenix Rising: A Divorce Empowerment Collective
Valerie’s websiteThe Selfish Woman Podcast Valerie on TikTok Valerie on Instagram Valerie on YouTube
====== DISCLAIMER: THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE. YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM.
If you’re stuck in endless loops with a high-conflict ex, Brook Olsen wants you to stop expecting them to change, and start changing how you respond.
Brook is a Certified Parenting Educator, Divorce Coach, and author of The Black Hole of High Conflict. In this conversation, we get real about what happens when you stop feeding the conflict, why parallel parenting is often the only way forward, and how choosing not to engage isn't weakness, it’s clarity.
Plus, Brook offers a framework that isn’t just theory, it’s deeply practical and actionable, especially when the legal system or co-parenting landscape isn’t exactly on your side.
Here’s what else we get into, in this episode:
- Why disengagement is a laddered process, and how to stay in it (8:50)
- The nervous system’s role in conflict and how to regulate your response (10:27)
- What conscious competence looks like in high-stress situations (28:57)
- The difference between co-parenting and parallel parenting (32:52)
- How to stop pushing back and start reclaiming your energy (36:10)
Learn more about Brook Olsen: Brook Olsen is a Certified Parenting Educator with the International Network for Children and Families, a Certified Divorce Mediator, Divorce Coach, and author of The Black Hole of High Conflict, which offers perspectives and strategies for navigating a high conflict divorce.
Brook’s knowledge of how the nervous system works and understanding of the role it plays in psychological and physiological reactions to trauma, conflict and anxiety brings a holistic approach to his work with families caught in the High Conflict cycle.
Brook teaches classes in the High Conflict Diversion Program and trains instructors to teach the Program throughout the U.S. and Canada. He also leads workshops in communication for couples and is a peer consultant for fellow professionals.
Resources & Links:
Thank you to today’s podcast sponsor: Our Family Wizard Submit your questions here for possible inclusion in future Q&A podcast episodes Focused Strategy Sessions with Kate
Phoenix Rising: A Divorce Empowerment Collective Brook’s websiteBrook’s podcastThe Black Hole of High ConflictBrook on InstagramBrook on Facebook
Brook’s Facebook Group for High Conflict Divorce Support
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DISCLAIMER: THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE. YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM.
Episode Link: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/episode-320-the-black-hole-of-high-conflict-with-brook-olsen/
April Worthington is a teacher, mother of five, minister, and author of The Debriefing Workbook: Hope and Healing after Spiritual Abuse. In this conversation, April shares her experience involving a retreat led by Lundy Bancroft, author of Why Does He Do That?, a book many of us have clung to in our darkest moments. April’s story isn’t just one of personal harm, it’s a call to action.
As a survivor of both spiritual abuse and high-conflict divorce, April recounts how her initial fan-girl admiration of Bancroft shifted into something far more troubling after an encounter that left her reeling. She shares what unfolded during and after that retreat, the red flags she noticed, and the courage it took to speak out despite the risks.
I'm holding space for April as she brings forward not only her own experience, but those of others who have come to her with eerily similar stories. Her insight challenges us to re-examine what it means to trust "experts," and the danger in handing over our vulnerability to uncredentialed individuals cloaked in guru status.
Here’s what else we get into, in this episode:
- The red flags that emerged during and after the retreat (6:03)
- The emotional fallout of being targeted by someone seen as a “healing” authority (26:24)
- How April is building a support network for other survivors (28:35)
- Why separating the author from their work is no longer an option (36:22)
Learn more about April Worthington: April Worthington is a teacher, mother of five, minister, and author of The Debriefing Workbook: Hope and Healing after Spiritual Abuse.
Resources & Links:
Thank you to today’s podcast sponsor: Wild Pastures Unbreakable – the Divorce Recovery Retreat, Sedona, AZ in April 2025Submit your questions here for possible inclusion in future Q&A podcast episodes Focused Strategy Sessions with Kate Phoenix Rising: A Divorce Empowerment CollectiveApril on FacebookApril’s YouTube video: A Warning to Women- RUN GIRL! Lundy Bancroft is not your friend! A Cry for Justice: Lundy Bancroft is a Predator
====== DISCLAIMER: THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE. YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM.
Episode link: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/episode-319-when-the-healer-harms-speaking-out-against-lundy-bancroft/
Dr. Kerry McAvoy returns to talk about what it means to heal from narcissistic abuse. Not just from an intellectual standpoint, but healing your nervous system, in your relationships, and in your relationship to yourself. Healing is not quick, it’s not tidy, and it’s definitely not linear.
Dr. Kerry and I talk about how women have been conditioned to serve, to disappear, to manage the emotions of everyone around us just to maintain the illusion of peace. We explore what emotional fusion looks like, what healthy relationships look like, and what it means to reconnect with Self throughout your healing journey.
Here’s what else we get into, in this episode:
- How and why so many of us learned to believe our needs are “too much” (3:59)
- Discerning between, “Are you being loved and respected or just useful?” (18:03)
- What healthy love actually looks like (spoiler alert it includes messiness and mistakes) (28:04)
- Healing doesn’t have a finish line and why that’s okay (29:35)
Learn more about Kerry McAvoy, Ph.D: Dr. Kerry, a retired psychologist and author, is an expert on cultivating healthy relationships and deconstructing narcissism. Her blogs have been featured in Mamami, YourTango, Scary Mommy, and The Good Men Project. In Love You More, Dr. McAvoy gives an uncensored glimpse into her survival of narcissistic abuse, and her workbook, First Steps to Leaving a Narcissist, helps victims break free from the confusion common in abusive relationships. She hosts the Breaking Free from Narcissistic Abuse podcast and offers trauma-related advice on social media.
Resources & Links:
Thank you to today’s podcast sponsor: Our Family WizardUnbreakable – the Divorce Recovery Retreat, Sedona, AZ in April 2025Submit your questions here for possible inclusion in future Q&A podcast episodes Focused Strategy Sessions with Kate Phoenix Rising: A Divorce Empowerment Collective
Dr. Kerry’s websiteDr. Kerry on Facebook Dr. Kerry on Instagram Dr. Kerry on YouTube Dr. Kerry on TikTok Passionate Marriage: Keeping Love and Intimacy Alive in Committed Relationships, David Schnarch PhD|
====== DISCLAIMER: THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE. YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM.
Finding a partner after divorce can feel like searching for a needle in a haystack. This week’s guest, Jennie Young, suggests a bold alternative - burn the haystack. Jennie is the creator of Burned Haystack Dating Method, a method grounded in applied rhetoric and feminist praxis, designed to push back against the toxic norms built into many modern dating platforms.
In this episode, Jennie shares practical, no-nonsense strategies for using dating apps more intentionally, treating them as tools (not lifelines), turning off notifications, and yes, burning the haystack. We also explore the common rhetorical patterns many men use on apps and how to recognize and respond to them when they show up.
Tune in for an eye-opening conversation that puts you back in control of your dating life, no algorithm required.
Here’s what else we get into, in this episode:
- How Burned Haystack Dating Method came to be and the story behind its name (5:22)
- The 10 essential rules that make up the Burned Haystack Dating Method (13:06)
- What critical discourse analysis actually is and how it can help you navigate dating apps with confidence (37:10)
- The rhetorical red flags to look out for, like “Test and apologize,” “Are you my mother?” and “Where were you on January 6th?” (38:58)
Learn more about Jennie Young: Jennie Young is the creator of Burned Haystack Dating Method, a dating method grounded in applied rhetoric and feminist praxis. It is designed to combat many of the challenges of dating in a market that is too frequently mediated by misogynistic and patriarchal structures. She holds a Ph.D. in rhetoric and discourse studies from Case Western Reserve University and a satire writing certificate from Second City Chicago. Her work has been published in McSweeney’s, Ms. Magazine, HuffPost, and others and covered by major media outlets such as The New York Times, Newsweek, RollingStone, and others.
Resources & Links: Thank you to this episode's sponsor: Wild Pastures
Unbreakable – the Divorce Recovery Retreat, Sedona, AZ in April 2025
Focused Strategy Sessions with Kate
Phoenix Rising: A Divorce Empowerment Collective
Jennie’s website
Jennie’s Facebook Group
Jennie on Instagram
Jennie on Bluesky
Jennie on LinkedIn Episode 309: Online Dating After Divorce with Alyssa Dineen
DISCLAIMER: THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE. YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM.
Episode Link: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/episode-317-burned-haystack-dating-method-with-jennie-young/
Nikki Tucker is back, and we’re tackling some of the most infuriating, and increasingly common, financial issues women are facing in divorce today. Nikki and I are arming you with strategies to fight back during divorce negotiations with facts and numbers.
In this episode, we talk about how fear can make you want to just give in, and why that urge to "just be done" could cost you so much more than you realize. Nikki’s advice? Run the numbers. Know the math behind the “yes” and the “no.” Plus, we touch on something a lot of us don’t want to think about, but need to: the unstable and uncertain economy. Nikki offers practical steps you can take now to protect yourself financially.
This episode is packed with straightforward insights and empowering advice to help you make confident money decisions today that will shape your future.
Here’s what else we get into, in this episode:
- How to push back on unreasonable settlement offers by fighting fear with facts (5:58)
- What the unstable economy means for your post-divorce financial decisions (20:30)
- Crypto in divorce: when it’s worth fighting over and when it’s just a shiny distraction (28:49)
Learn more about Nikki Tucker: Nikki Tucker is a Speaker, Certified Divorce Financial Analyst, and Founder of The FIIRM Approach, a business dedicated to helping women overcome uncertainty and overwhelm in their financial lives while preparing for uncoupling or divorce.
Through dynamic action-based workshops and on-demand digital resources, Nikki makes financial education practical and accessible to all women, showing them how to take control of their money, and create a new financial life post-divorce.
Nikki firmly believes that all women deserve financial security, and is committed to reframing the divorce journey for women by reducing stigma and fear, and allowing them to establish and maintain financial independence, regardless of their relationship status.
Resources & Links: Unbreakable – the Divorce Recovery Retreat, Sedona, AZ in April 2025
Focused Strategy Sessions with Kate
Phoenix Rising: A Divorce Empowerment Collective
Nikki’s website
Nikki on Instagram
Nikki on Facebook
The Divorce Support Pack
DISCLAIMER: THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE. YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM. Episode link: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/episode-316-running-the-numbers-with-nikki-tucker/
Dawn Pick Benson, a self-discovery travel coach and writer, joins me to explore how travel can be a powerful tool for transformation, especially during life’s crossroads, whether it’s divorce, a faith shift, or an identity crisis.
When everything feels uncertain, moving forward can seem impossible. Dawn shares how travel became a catalyst for reclaiming her power, redefining her faith, and embracing a new identity. Her journey to Kosovo reveals how travel isn’t just an escape, it can be a path to deep spiritual reshaping and self-discovery.
What you’ll hear:
- The pivotal moment when Dawn realized her marriage and faith no longer aligned with her true self (2:36)
- How travel allowed her to question and redefine her beliefs outside of societal expectations (11:49)
- Practical tips to make travel more affordable, even if you feel stuck financially or logistically (29:08)
- How the BRAVE Journey process helps women design meaningful solo travel experiences (32:09)
- The role of community and self-reflection in making travel a transformational experience (39:16)
Learn more about Dawn Pick Benson: Dawn Pick Benson is a self-discovery travel coach and writer who helps women rediscover themselves and thrive in their second half of life through travel.
Dawn’s small group coaching program, Brave Journey, helps women envision, plan and take their own transformational journeys. She also hosts retreats for women each year around the world.
Dawn has visited more than 50 countries and has lived and worked in the Middle East and Eastern Europe. She’s a Global Ambassador for the Travel Coach Network, a Certified Cultural Intelligence facilitator, and her work and story has appeared in The Washington Post, The New York Times, Wander and TripAdvisor.
Dawn splits her time between living in the U.S. & Kosovo, where she is currently working on a book about her own journey and the transformative power of solo travel after divorce.
Resources & Links:Unbreakable – the Divorce Recovery Retreat, Sedona, AZ in April 2025Submit your questions here for possible inclusion in future Q&A podcast episodes Focused Strategy Sessions with Kate Phoenix Rising: A Divorce Empowerment Collective
Dawn’s websiteDawn on Instagram Dawn’s Substack Dawn on LinkedIn Dawn on Facebook Dawn on YouTube
DISCLAIMER: THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE. YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM.
Episode link: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/episode-315-your-next-brave-journey-with-dawn-pick-benson/
What if divorce didn’t have to be as complicated or expensive? Liz Pharo, the founder of Divorce.com, is on a mission to make the divorce process easier and less stressful. In this episode, Liz shares how she transitioned from the tech world to create Divorce.com, a platform designed to help people handle the paperwork, planning, and even mediation in a more streamlined way.
Liz and I talk about the different types of divorce, mediated vs. court-based, and why focusing on the kids and minimizing trauma is key. Plus, Liz shares how Divorce.com can save you time and money, the importance of working with coaches and therapists during the process, and why you need to be aware of sketchy divorce service providers.
Divorce is never simple, but with the right resources and mindset, it doesn’t have to be confusing or exhausting.
What you’ll hear:
- Liz’s journey from software engineer to Divorce.com founder (2:56)
- How Divorce.com simplifies the divorce process (7:57)
- The benefits of mediation and working with professionals (10:30)
- Why being informed about divorce options is crucial (26:12)
Learn more about Liz Pharo: Elizabeth "Liz" Pharo launched Divorce.com in 2022 with the vision of revolutionizing the way people divorce – offering a more compassionate and healthier path with less conflict and financial burden. Amid her own divorce, Liz founded Divorce.com to pave the way for individuals to access online divorce services at a fraction of the cost, as well as eliminate the taboo that still remains around divorce. The company's goal is to have couples planning to divorce first consider “Divorce.com-ing it.” Mediators then guide couples through the Divorce.com process to complete their divorce peacefully with mutual respect for both parties.
Beyond her work helping Divorce.com reduce the time, cost, and trauma of the typical divorce process, Liz is dedicated to the growth and development of her own community and serves on the boards of the Economic Development Partnership of Alabama, Venture for America, and Blight-Free Birmingham. Liz enjoys running and spending time with her family at Lake Martin.
Resources & Links: Phoenix Rising: A Divorce Empowerment Collective Unbreakable – the Divorce Recovery Retreat, Sedona, AZ in April 2025 Focused Strategy Sessions with Kate
Divorce.comDivorce.com on Instagram Divorce.com on LinkedIn Divorce.com on TikTok Divorce.com on Facebook Divorce.com on YouTube Liz on LinkedIn Liz on Instagram
Episode Link: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/episode-314-streamlining-divorce-with-liz-pharo-founder-of-divorce-com/
Andrea Vacca returns to explore amicable divorce solutions, even in high-conflict cases. While avoiding litigation is often the goal, sometimes it's unavoidable. Andrea breaks down the benefits of staying out of court, how to keep children at the center, and when it’s time to shift from collaboration or mediation to litigation. Together, we also explore the power of a team-based approach and the role of a divorce coach, specifically how a coach can save you time, money, and energy! With her expertise in collaborative divorce and positive psychology, Andrea offers a fresh, empowering take on navigating divorce without court.
You’ll also hear:
- The misconception that all high-conflict divorces must go to court, and what it really takes to stay out of litigation (5:08)
- Why mediation isn’t always the best fit for high-conflict couples and what alternative approaches may work better (8:53)
- The power of a team approach, including the role of a divorce coach in navigating conflict (11:20)
- Strategies for keeping children at the center of decisions (32:29)
Learn more about Andrea Vacca: Andrea Vacca is the founder of Vacca Family Law Group in Manhattan, a boutique law firm focused on non-adversarial divorce and family law matters including divorce, separation, and prenuptial and postnuptial agreements. With a background in traditional divorce litigation, Andrea now exclusively helps her clients find amicable divorce solutions outside of court. She is a widely recognized collaborative divorce attorney and mediator, former President of the New York Association of Collaborative Professionals, author of the book Divorce Without Court: A More Peaceful Solution, and creator and host of “A Better Divorce” podcast. In addition to her law degree, Andrea holds a Certificate in Positive Psychology and recently became a Certified Positive Psychology Coach. Andrea regularly applies Positive Psychology principles in her work to help her clients navigate divorce, including having a growth mindset, being resilient, and encouraging mindfulness, helping them emerge stronger and more empowered.
Resources & Links: Unbreakable – the Divorce Recovery Retreat, Sedona, AZ in April 2025Submit your questions here for possible inclusion in future Q&A podcast episodesFocused Strategy Sessions with Kate Phoenix Rising: A Divorce Empowerment Collective Andrea’s website, Vacca Family Law GroupGet a free digital copy of Andrea's book, Divorce Without Court: A More Peaceful Solution Andrea on Facebook Andrea on Instagram Andrea on LinkedIn Andrea on YouTube
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DISCLAIMER: THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE. YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM.
Episode link: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/episode-313-divorce-without-court-is-it-really-possible-with-andrea-vacca
John Kim, aka The Angry Therapist, joins me to chat about his new book, Breakup on Purpose: A Catalyst for Growth. A bestselling author, well-known for his raw, no-nonsense approach to self-help, John keeps it real by practicing full authenticity and transparency.
In this episode, he challenges us to rethink breakups. No one really talks about the different kinds of breakups, but John breaks them down into eight distinct types and explains how understanding which one you're going through can be a total game-changer.
We dive into how this framework can help you process your experience, focus your healing, and even turn your breakup into an opportunity for growth.
You’ll also hear:
- Why understanding your specific breakup type can help you prioritize healing (4:55)
- John goes through all eight breakup types and explains the different responses they may create (6:07)
- How healing from divorce is different from other breakups (37:15)
Learn more about John Kim: John Kim, LMFT is a bestselling author with a new book out called: BREAK UP ON PURPOSE: A Catalyst for Growth. Kim blogs as The Angry Therapist, and practices complete authenticity and transparency with his many clients. He is also the bestselling author of: “It’s Not Me, It’s You;” “Single. On Purpose,” and “I Used to be a Miserable F*ck.”
Resources & Links:
Unbreakable – the Divorce Recovery Retreat, Sedona, AZ in April 2025
Submit your questions here for possible inclusion in future Q&A podcast episodes
Focused Strategy Sessions with Kate
Phoenix Rising: A Divorce Empowerment Collective
John’s website
John on Instagram
John on Facebook
John on YouTube
===================
DISCLAIMER: THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE. YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM.
Episode Link:
https://kateanthony.com/podcast/episode-312-breakup-on-purpose-with-the-angry-therapist-john-kim-lmft/
Betrayal recovery coach Lora Cheadle is back on the show! She’s flipping the script on burnout and explains why “it’s not just stress—it’s betrayal.” When expectations break, whether in your career, marriage, or personal life, the real damage isn’t just exhaustion—it’s the hit to your sense of self and your self-worth. So, Lora breaks down why burnout happens when broken expectations rupture your view of yourself or the world—and how to shift out of it.
She also walks us through her FUEL UP burnout recovery method, designed to rebuild from the inside out. From finding your why to managing expectations, uncovering root causes, and yes, even using laughter to reset your nervous system, Lora offers a different way forward.
You’ll also hear:
- How to recognize when burnout is actually betrayal (3:56)
- Why expectation management is the missing piece in burnout recovery (5:28)
- Lora shares five tools to help you FUEL UP & Thrive (15:28)
Learn more about Lora Cheadle: Lora Cheadle is a betrayal recovery coach, attorney, and TEDx speaker who helps women heal from betrayal on an energetic, emotional, and ancestral level—while also providing legal guidance to help them navigate the practical complexities of infidelity and relationship transitions. She empowers women to rise from the ashes, reclaim their identity and self-worth, break free from repeating patterns, and step into their power with confidence, clarity, and grace.
After being shattered by her husband's fifteen years of infidelity, Lora knows firsthand what it takes to transform devastation into an invitation for healing, freedom, and joy. Her unique approach blends deep emotional healing with tangible legal and life strategies, guiding women beyond betrayal into lives of unapologetic confidence and purpose.
Licensed to practice law in California and Colorado, Lora is also a trauma-aware coach, clinical hypnotherapist, somatic attachment therapist, and advanced integrated energy practitioner. She is certified in yoga, mindfulness, group fitness, and personal training, bringing a holistic perspective to healing.
She is the author of FLAUNT! Drop Your Cover and Reveal Your Smart, Sexy, & Spiritual Self (an International Book Awards Finalist and Tattered Cover Bestseller) and It’s Not Burnout, It’s Betrayal: 5 Tools to FUEL UP & Thrive. She also hosts the podcast FLAUNT! Create a Life You Love After Infidelity and Betrayal.
Resources & Links:
Unbreakable – the Divorce Recovery Retreat, Sedona, AZ in April 2025
Submit your questions here for possible inclusion in future Q&A podcast episodes
Focused Strategy Sessions with Kate
Phoenix Rising: A Divorce Empowerment Collective
Lora’s website
BurnoutOrBetrayal.com
Lora on LinkedIn
Lora on YouTube
Lora on Instagram
Lora on Facebook
==================
DISCLAIMER: THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE. YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM.
Episode link:
https://kateanthony.com/podcast/episode-311-its-not-burnout-its-betrayal-with-lora-cheadle-jd-cht/
I’m diving into the concept of energetic self-perception with my friend and colleague, Karen McMahon. According to Karen, we are, at our core, walking balls of energy, constantly shifting between two primary states: our everyday selves and our stress-response selves. Karen returns to the podcast to discuss the seven levels of energy, a framework that can help you recognize where you are on the emotional scale and how to move toward awareness and empowerment.
Karen shares how our thoughts, feelings, and actions are deeply connected and how understanding that can help us navigate divorce, co-parenting, and life post-breakup. Many of us stay trapped in old energetic patterns, reacting to our exes the same way we did during the marriage—but that’s a choice. This conversation is all about reframing your perspective to shift your energy and create real, lasting change.
You’ll also hear:
- Understanding the seven levels of energy and how they shape your mindset (4:28)
- Why shifting out of victim mode is key to reclaiming your power (8:32)
- The difference between cooperation and acceptance in healing (14:25)
- Moving from external validation to inner trust and self-empowerment (36:13)
Learn more about Karen McMahon: In the realm of divorce and relationship coaching, Karen McMahon emerges as a true luminary, specializing in the complex arena of high conflict divorce. With unwavering determination and a heart full of empathy, Karen's expertise shines brightest when guiding individuals through the tumultuous storms of high conflict situations. Her signature approach addresses the internal intricacies of intense emotions, fixed mindset and unconscious behaviors along with external complexities of legal approaches, financial awareness and co-parenting hurdles, ensuring that her clients emerge both victorious and transformed.
Karen's impact extends far beyond borders, as she is the visionary force behind "Journey Beyond Divorce," an internationally acclaimed platform that offers guidance, support, and empowerment to individuals around the world. This thriving initiative has reached tens of thousands of men and women seeking solace, strength, and a renewed sense of purpose during life's most challenging transition. With a dynamic team of six dedicated coaches, Journey Beyond Divorce provides a comprehensive approach to healing and growth, acknowledging that every journey is unique.
Resources & Links:
Unbreakable – the Divorce Recovery Retreat, Sedona, AZ in April 2025
Submit your questions here for possible inclusion in future Q&A podcast episodes
Focused Strategy Sessions with Kate
Phoenix Rising: A Divorce Empowerment Collective
Karen’s website
Energetic Perception Chart
Rapid Relief Coaching Session
Karen on Facebook
Karen on Instagram
==================
DISCLAIMER: THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE. YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM.
Episode link:
https://kateanthony.com/podcast/episode-310-shifting-your-energy-reclaiming-your-power-after-divorce-with-karen-mcmahon/
Alyssa Dineen, founder of Style My Profile, joins me to talk about the ins and outs of online dating after divorce. If you’re feeling overwhelmed by the dating apps, unsure how to craft a compelling profile, or just wondering if you're ready to date, Alyssa’s expertise will help you navigate it all.
Together, we tackle the realities of modern dating, from building a profile that actually sparks conversations to avoiding burnout in the endless swipe cycle. Alyssa also shares her own post-divorce dating journey, including how she found love after leaving an abusive marriage. She also shares the key strategies she uses with her clients to help them date with intention.
You’ll also hear:
- The biggest mistakes people make with their dating profiles (5:24)
- How dating can help you re-discover who you are after divorce (7:23)
- The ‘date uniform’ strategy that makes getting ready effortless (37:46)
- The first date, avoiding dating burnout, and enjoying the process (26:37)
Learn more about Alyssa Dineen: With over 25 years of experience as a fashion editor, stylist, and art director, Alyssa established herself as a seasoned leader in the New York fashion world. In the past decade, Alyssa has also emerged as a pioneering figure in the online dating space. Her innovative approach combines her expertise in styling with her insights into dating, guiding clients on everything from personal presentation to effective communication with potential partners.
As an acclaimed dating expert, Alyssa has been featured in The New York Times, Today Show, Goop, and Oprah Daily. She is also the author of The Art of Online Dating published by Harper Collins in 2021, which offers valuable strategies for success in online dating. You can find more information about Alyssa and Style My Profile’s services at stylemyprofilenyc.com.
Resources & Links:
Unbreakable – the Divorce Recovery Retreat, Sedona, AZ in April 2025
Submit your questions here for possible inclusion in future Q&A podcast episodes
Focused Strategy Sessions with Kate
Phoenix Rising: A Divorce Empowerment Collective
Style My Profile website
Alyssa is also offering 20% off her Mindful Dating 101 course and DIY Profile Kit to DSG listeners! Use code DSG20 at checkout.
Alyssa on Instagram
Style My Profile on Instagram
Alyssa’s Facebook Group for: Empowered Women Moving Forward in the Modern Dating World
===================
DISCLAIMER: THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE. YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM.
Episode Link:
https://kateanthony.com/podcast/episode-309-online-dating-after-divorce-with-alyssa-dineen/
Jennifer Lee, financial advisor and founder of Modern Wealth, returns to the show to break down the financial realities of grey divorce. Whether you're the stay-at-home parent wondering what you're entitled to or the moneyed spouse navigating how to divide assets fairly, Jennifer's insights will help you make informed decisions with a clear sense of direction.
Together, we unpack the unique financial challenges that come with untangling decades of shared assets—from businesses and retirement accounts to the realities of living on half the resources you once had. Jennifer shares her expert advice on how to avoid costly mistakes and take control of your financial future.
You’ll also hear:
- What makes grey divorce financially unique and how to prepare (3:58)
- The importance of a qualified domestic relations order (QDRO) and how it works (5:12)
- Key mistakes people make when dividing marital assets (7:47)
- How to approach long-term financial planning post-divorce (16:51)
Learn more about Jennifer Lee: Originally from Maryland, Jennifer brought her over 27 years (44 years if you count going into the office with her father as a child) of expertise in the financial services industry to Florida. Jennifer has found that a relationship with an advisor is most critical at the intersections in life where emotions collide with financial events. She enjoys facilitating her clients through challenges as they experience life’s upsets such as divorce, the loss of a spouse, or business to retirement transition. Whether you are experiencing divorce, a business client expanding or selling your operation, or a couple wanting to make sure they have provided for their family, Modern-Wealth may be a good fit. Jennifer provides a fresh perspective to the financial planning process by digging deep to understand what drives her clients. At Modern-Wealth, they build long-lasting relationships. As part of their process, they encourage clients to communicate their values to the most important people in their lives by writing a family love letter. This led her to write “Squeeze the Juice: Live With Purpose-Then Leave a Legacy.”
Resources & Links:
Unbreakable – the Divorce Recovery Retreat, Sedona, AZ in April 2025
Submit your questions here for possible inclusion in future Q&A podcast episodes
Focused Strategy Sessions with Kate
Phoenix Rising: A Divorce Empowerment Collective
Jennifer’s website
Consultation with Jennifer
===================
DISCLAIMER: THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE. YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM.
Episode link:
https://kateanthony.com/podcast/episode-308-grey-divorce-and-your-money-with-jennifer-lee/
Samara Bay, author of Permission to Speak, is here to reframe how we think about our voices—and the power they carry. Her work is for anyone who’s ever been told to sound different, speak softer, or conform to fit in. In this conversation, we explore how the way we speak shapes not just how others perceive us but how we see ourselves.
Samara’s insights are grounded in her own journey, from Shakespeare festivals to coaching Hollywood actors to helping leaders and changemakers show up authentically. Her audiobook is as compelling as the conversation you’re about to hear—a true reflection of her mission to help us all own our voices unapologetically.
Samara’s book, Permission to Speak, is available everywhere books are sold. If you love this conversation, grab the audiobook for an even deeper experience.
You’ll also hear:
- How societal norms shape the way we speak—and how to challenge them (2:25)
- The connection between breath, voice, and emotions (23:47)
- Practical exercises for finding and owning your voice (28:37)
- Why physical movement and warm-ups matter for confidence (29:14)
Learn more about Samara Bay: Samara Bay coaches rising business leaders, political hopefuls, and public figures who need to speak in a voice they recognize as their own to truly make waves. She runs workshops and speaks at organizations around the world to support a new, diverse sound of power. In Hollywood, she helps movie stars integrate good acting with good accents, and has coached clients including Gal Gadot, Pierce Brosnan, Penélope Cruz, Ricky Martin, Terry Crews, Rachel McAdams, Ruth Negga, and Anjelica Huston. She has a BA from Princeton University and an MFA from Brown University. She lives in Los Angeles with her husband, son, and dog, Moxie.
Resources & Links:
Unbreakable – the Divorce Recovery Retreat, Sedona, AZ in April 2025
Submit your questions here for possible inclusion in future Q&A podcast episodes
Focused Strategy Sessions with Kate
Phoenix Rising: A Divorce Empowerment Collective
Samara on Instagram
Samara’s Substack
Permission to Speak
===================
DISCLAIMER: THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE. YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM
Episode Link:
https://kateanthony.com/podcast/episode-307-permission-to-speak-with-samara-bay/
What happens when life throws you curveballs like breast cancer, midlife dating, and unexpected sisterhoods? You turn them into stories, humor, and inspiration—and that’s exactly what Julie Edelman has done.
I’m thrilled to welcome author and humorist Julie Edelman for an empowering and laugh-filled conversation about love, resilience, and the unexpected sisterhoods that form through life’s detours. Julie shares the inspiration behind her latest novel, The Accidental Sisterhood, and opens up about her personal journey through breast cancer, dating after 50, and finding joy in life’s chaos.
You’ll also hear:
- Why women over 50 are more likely to be single—and why that’s not a bad thing (4:31)
- How Julie turned life’s detours—like surviving breast cancer—into creative inspiration (10:35)
- The challenges of midlife dating, including spotting "red flags" (14:47)
- Why sisterhood is such a powerful force for healing, growth, and joy (16:44)
Learn more about Julie Edelman: Julie Edelman is the bestselling author of the how-to book, The Accidental Housewife: How to Overcome Housekeeping Hysteria One Task at a Time. She is a well-known lifestyle expert and has appeared on The Today Show, The View, Rachael Ray, Fox & Friends, The Doctors, ABC Audio Networks and iHeart Radio. She lives in Florida, close to her son, who is her heart and testament to a blessed life lived fully.
Julie speaks publicly with heart, humor, and in high heels about the value of sisterhood and not letting life’s detours define nor stop us from achieving our dreams. The Accidental Sisterhood is her debut novel, and a testimony to embracing a life detour with hope and determination following her triumph over breast cancer.
Resources & Links:
Unbreakable – the Divorce Recovery Retreat, Sedona, AZ in April 2025
Submit your questions here for possible inclusion in future Q&A podcast episodes
Focused Strategy Sessions with Kate
Phoenix Rising: A Divorce Empowerment Collective
Julie’s website
Julie on Instagram
Julie on Facebook
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DISCLAIMER: THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE. YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM.
Episode link:
https://kateanthony.com/podcast/episode-306-the-accidental-sisterhood-with-julie-edelman/
This episode is all about solo travel and how it can help you reconnect with yourself. Whether you're navigating a major life transition, like divorce, or just craving time to focus on your own needs, solo travel could be the adventure you didn’t know you needed.
I’m talking with Joy Huber, a solo travel pro with an incredible story. After overcoming stage 4 cancer, Joy decided life was too short to wait for "someday." She packed her bags, took the leap, and now helps women discover the magic of exploring the world on their own.
Joy shares her personal journey, plus plenty of real-world tips to help you make your first solo trip safe, stress-free, and genuinely fun.
You’ll also hear:
- Why starting small—like a weekend getaway—can build your confidence for bigger adventures (5:10)
- Practical safety tips for women, from smart gadgets to group tours that let you ease into solo travel (11:34)
- Tools and tricks for trip planning, including how to find hidden gems that match your vibe (23:23)
- How traveling alone can help you reconnect with who you are and what you really want (25:29)
Learn more about Joy Huber:
Discover the "JOY" of safe & incredible solo travel with Joy Huber. Joy guides women to their own successful travels going alone yet never feeling lonely. As the founder of "Travel with Joy TV," Joy helps women live a life full of freedom and fulfillment.
Women tend to outlive men when comparing life expectancy. Knowing this, Joy truly believes the ability to solo travel safely and successfully is a life skill women of every age & stage of life must have. Joy has traveled solo safely, capably navigating multiple challenging safety situations for over two decades. As a successful author & professional speaker, Joy traveled solo often delivering seminars and public speaking in person primarily in the United States before speaking virtually became more common. Through her personal solo travel experience, Joy discovered a number of tips, insider secrets, and inexpensive items that aren’t very well known that she uses to feel confident traveling alone.
Joy prioritized traveling solo for fun after receiving a devastating diagnosis of stage 4 cancer in March of 2010. Joy suffered through three years of hard-hitting chemotherapy which caused the complete loss of her shoulder-length hair. Joy realized we’re all a car accident, heart attack or diagnosis away from a completely different life, and she decided she wouldn’t wait until she retired to travel going where she wanted and doing what she wanted. As she’s shared pictures, video & stories from her fun-filled travels she received questions from women on how to travel solo successfully as a woman. Travel with Joy TV was born out of this growing demand for a personal solo travel guide for women! Get started today by signing up for Joy's 7 tips you must know when traveling solo at www.TravelWithJoyTV.com/newsletter.
Resources & Links:
Unbreakable – the Divorce Recovery Retreat, Sedona, AZ in April 2025
Submit your questions here for possible inclusion in future Q&A podcast episodes
Focused Strategy Sessions with Kate
Phoenix Rising: A Divorce Empowerment Collective
Joy’s website
Joy on Instagram
Joy on Facebook
Joy on TikTok
===================
DISCLAIMER: THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE. YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM.T FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE. YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM.
Episode link:
https://kateanthony.com/podcast/episode-305-solo-travel-for-women-with-joy-huber/
Andrea Owen is back, and I’m thrilled to share this inspiring conversation. If you’re navigating life’s messy moments, like divorce, this episode is a must-listen. Andrea, a keynote speaker, life coach, and bestselling author, is a force in women’s empowerment. She helps high-achieving women maximize unshakeable confidence, master their mindset, and magnify their courage.
She’s here to discuss the re-release of her bestseller, 52 Ways to Live a Kick-Ass Life, now updated to strip away toxic positivity and include reflective coaching questions that spark real change. Andrea also shares her journey through her second divorce, offering insights into what’s different, what’s the same, and the lessons she’s learned.
You’ll also hear:
- Your spouse’s reactions to your divorce may reveal someone different from the person you thought you married (12:48)
- Managing the emotional and mental toll of divorce (15:13)
- Building friendships, asking for help, and finding community in tough times (27:04)
- How relationships shift during transitions and the challenges of navigating those changes (29:16)
Learn more about Andrea Owen:
Andrea Owen is an author, global keynote speaker, and professional certified life coach who helps high-achieving women maximize unshakeable confidence, master their mindset, and magnify their courage. She has taught hundreds of thousands of women tools and strategies to be able to empower themselves to live their most kick-ass life through keynote speaking, her books, coaching, and her wildly popular podcast with over 4 million downloads.
She is the proud author of How To Stop Feeling Like Shit: 14 Habits That Are Holding You Back From Happiness, published in 2018, then updated and re-released in 2022 (Seal Press/Hachette Books) which has been translated into 19 languages and is available in 23 countries, as well as Make Some Noise: Speak Your Mind and Own Your Strength (TarcherPerigee/Penguin Random-House), and 52 Ways to Live a Kick-Ass Life: BS Free Wisdom to Ignite Your Inner Badass and Live the Life You Deserve, (Adams Media/Simon & Schuster).
Andrea is a Certified Professional Co-Active Coach (CPCC) from The Coaches Training Institute, a Professional Certified Coach (PCC) with the International Coaching Federation, a SHE RECOVERS® coach, as well as a Certified Daring Way™ Facilitator; a modality based on the research of Dr. Brené Brown.
When she’s not juggling her full coaching practice or writing books, Andrea is busy riding her Peloton bike, or hanging out with her two teenagers. She is also a retired roller derby player having skated under the name “Veronica Vain”.
Resources & Links:
Unbreakable – the Divorce Recovery Retreat, Sedona, AZ in April 2025
Submit your questions here for possible inclusion in future Q&A podcast episodes
Focused Strategy Sessions with Kate
Phoenix Rising: A Divorce Empowerment Collective
52 Ways to Live a Kick-Ass Life
Andrea’s website
Andrea on Instagram
Andrea on Facebook
===================
DISCLAIMER: THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE. YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM.
===================
Episode link:
https://kateanthony.com/podcast/episode-304-lessons-from-divorce-and-living-a-kick-ass-life-with-andrea-owen/
I’m bringing back one of my most impactful conversations with psychologist and writer Dr. Kerry Kerr McAvoy about healing from narcissistic relationships. We unpack the challenges of being in a relationship with someone who has narcissistic personality disorder, the profound impact it can have on your emotional and mental well-being, and actionable strategies for self-nurturing after the relationship ends.
We also take a closer look at the common phrase “it takes two to tango” and what it means in the context of unhealthy relationships. If you’re healing from a toxic relationship or want to gain clarity on what healthy love looks like, listen to this episode again or tune in for the first time.
What you’ll hear:
- We explore the phrase “It takes two to tango…” Does it, though, when narcissistic abuse or toxicity is involved in a relationship?
- Is there anything that you can do to help a narcissistic and abusive partner? The short answer is no.
- Narcissistic Personality is a disorder. It’s not a mental health condition. Kerry explains the distinction.
- Focusing on and nurturing yourself back to life is essential in a relationship that has dimmed you.
Learn more about Kerry McAvoy:
Kerry Kerr McAvoy is a psychologist and a writer who educates on social media about cultivating healthy relationships, deconstructing narcissism, and understanding various other mental health-related issues. Her book, Love You More, gives an uncensored glimpse into the dynamics of narcissistic abuse.
Resources & Links:
Unbreakable – the Divorce Recovery Retreat, Sedona, AZ in April 2025
Submit your questions here for possible inclusion in future Q&A podcast episodes
Focused Strategy Sessions with Kate
Phoenix Rising: A Divorce Empowerment Collective
Kerry’s book, Love You More
Kerry on TikTok
Kerry on Instagram
Kerry on Facebook
Kerry on YouTube
Why Can’t I Just Leave (book)
===================
DISCLAIMER: THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE. YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM.
Episode link:
https://kateanthony.com/podcast/featured-episode-healing-from-narcissistic-relationships-with-dr-kerry-kerr-mcavoy/
In this solo episode, I share strategies to help you find clarity amidst the overwhelm of abuse and divorce. I explain how borrowing someone else’s mental resilience—whether a trusted friend, mentor, or professional—can help you think clearly, make grounded decisions, and move forward with strength.
You don’t have to do this alone. Let’s explore how leaning on support can make all the difference.
What you’ll hear:
- Why proper documentation is essential for protecting yourself and your children, and how to do it effectively
- There is nothing wrong with you; the only thing wrong is the abuse you’re enduring, and you deserve to break free
- Seeking support—whether by borrowing someone else’s clarity or building a strong team—can help you regain focus, confidence, and control over your life
Resources & Links:
Unbreakable – the Divorce Recovery Retreat, Sedona, AZ in April 2025
Submit your questions here for possible inclusion in future Q&A podcast episodes
Focused Strategy Sessions with Kate
Phoenix Rising: A Divorce Empowerment Collective
===================
DISCLAIMER: THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE. YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM.
Episode link:
https://kateanthony.com/podcast/episode-303-borrow-a-brain-gaining-clarity-and-strength-through-support/
Sol Kennedy, founder of BestInterest, joins me to share how this groundbreaking co-parenting AI-powered app is revolutionizing the way parents navigate high-conflict situations. With features that automatically censor toxic communication, BestInterest helps you reclaim your peace, focus on healing, and show up fully for your kids.
This episode is all about empowering you to establish boundaries, disengage from unnecessary emotional triggers, and take control of your co-parenting dynamic—even when the other parent isn’t on the same page.
What you’ll hear:
- How BestInterest helps you block out toxicity and protect your emotional well-being (7:46)
- How to handle situations where your co-parent refuses to use the app (11:47)
- Some of the tools and features of the app, including those that help you create and hold boundaries! (13:38)
Learn more about Sol Kennedy:
Sol Kennedy is the founder of BestInterest, an innovative, AI-powered app created to transform the co-parenting experience. As a co-parent himself, Sol understands the challenges of communication and stress that often accompany separated parenting. BestInterest offers tools to keep interactions respectful and child-focused, with features like advanced filters, customizable notifications, and a co-parenting journal that helps parents prioritize the children’s well-being. Sol’s mission is to empower co-parents to build peaceful, productive relationships, ultimately benefiting families and reducing conflict.
Resources & Links:
Unbreakable – the Divorce Recovery Retreat, Sedona, AZ in April 2025
Submit your questions here for possible inclusion in future Q&A podcast episodes
Focused Strategy Sessions with Kate
Phoenix Rising: A Divorce Empowerment Collective
BestInterestApp website
BestInterestApp on Facebook
BestInterestApp on Instagram
===================
DISCLAIMER: THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE. YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM.
Episode link:
https://kateanthony.com/podcast/episode-302-bestinterest-the-ai-app-for-co-parenting-in-toxic-dynamics-with-sol-kennedy/
I’m diving into a big topic this week—the holidays during divorce. It can feel like walking an emotional tightrope while trying to hold onto some joy. Whether it’s your first holiday season after divorce, your last one as a family before separating, or you’ve been navigating holidays in divorce for a while, it’s a time that stirs up all the emotions.
Wherever you are in this process, I want you to know, that you’re not alone. And let’s be real, were the holidays stress-free before divorce? Probably not. This episode isn’t just about surviving the holidays—it’s about reclaiming them in a way that works for you and your kids. Get emotionally prepared, collaborate where it counts, and make choices that put your kids at the heart of it all.
In this episode, I dive into:
- Self-care survival to ensure you’re showing up for yourself and your kids
- Creating new traditions that align with who you are now
- Navigating the tricky question of whether to celebrate together “for the kids”
- Practical co-parenting strategies for gift-giving, scheduling, and prioritizing your children
Resources & Links:
Unbreakable – the Divorce Recovery Retreat, Sedona, AZ in April 2025
Submit your questions here for possible inclusion in future Q&A podcast episodes
Focused Strategy Sessions with Kate
Phoenix Rising: A Divorce Empowerment Collective
===================
DISCLAIMER: THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE. YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM.
Episode link:
https://kateanthony.com/podcast/episode-301-holidays-in-divorce/
I’m thrilled to share this special Thanksgiving episode with you as the podcast celebrates a huge milestone: the 300th episode! To honor this accomplishment, I’m revisiting some of the most impactful episodes we’ve shared together. These conversations have left a lasting mark on many of you, and it’s a privilege to highlight them again.
This episode is my heartfelt thank you to this amazing community we’ve created together. Your dedication and willingness to show up for yourselves and each other mean the world to me. Here’s to continuing the journey!
Highlights in this episode:
- Scenarios that are not your fucking job and why you need to stop carrying all the weight in your relationship – Episode 55: Not Your Fucking Job
- What to know about divorcing a narcissist and the wild truths you can’t make up – Episode 156: Divorcing Your Narcissist with Tracy Malone
- Listener Q&A on co-parenting with a manipulative ex and supporting your kids through divorce – Episode 161: Listener Q&A: Co-parenting with a Narcissist
- Abuse recovery and advice for those considering reconciliation after their partner starts therapy – Episode 163: Covert Emotional Abuse with Annette Oltmans
- Compassionate advice and exploring tough questions like “Where’s your line?” – Episode 177: Coercive Control with Dr. Christine Cocchiola
Resources & Links:
Unbreakable – the Divorce Recovery Retreat, Sedona, AZ in April 2025
Focused Strategy Sessions with Kate
Phoenix Rising: A Divorce Empowerment Collective
Submit your questions here for possible inclusion in future Q&A podcast episodes
Episodes highlighted:
Episode 55: Not Your Fucking Job
Episode 156: DIVORCING Your NARCISSIST: You Can’t Make This Shit Up! With Tracy Malone
Episode 161: Listener Q&A: Co-parenting with a Narcissist, Dealing with a Manipulative Co-parent, and Supporting Your Children Through Divorce
Episode 163: Covert Emotional Abuse with Annette Oltmans
Episode 177: Coercive Control with Dr. Christine Cocchiola
Episode 159: The Top Eight Symptoms of Narcissistic Abuse with Leanne Oaten
Thanks to our sponsor: Future Fans
===================
DISCLAIMER: THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE. YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM.
Episode link:
https://kateanthony.com/podcast/episode-300-giving-thanks-for-300-episodes/
I’m so excited to welcome back my dear friend and returning guest, Susan Guthrie, a leading family law attorney and mediator, for a robust conversation about the family court system. While family court often gets a bad rap (and yes, it needs reform), Susan and I dig into why it’s not always terrible. There is good that can come from it too.
Together, we’re breaking down what you can expect if you navigate the family court process, how to prepare for it, and how to make decisions that truly serve you and your kids. We’re also diving into the hot topic of no-fault divorce laws: Could they be repealed? And what would that mean for families going forward?
What You’ll Hear:
- Why family court is necessary and not always the “necessary evil” it’s made out to be (7:09)
- What most people can expect from the family court system (12:50)
- How to prepare for your day in court, including what serves you and what doesn’t (17:25)
- The likelihood of no-fault divorce laws being repealed and the potential implications (34:13)
Learn more about Susan Guthrie:
Susan Guthrie has been one of the leading family law attorneys and mediators in the country for more than 30 years and a world-wide expert in online mediation and she has trained over 20,000 professionals in the ethical and practical considerations in transitioning to a virtual practice. In late 2020, Susan and legal legend Forrest “Woody” Mosten partnered together to found the Mosten Guthrie Academy to provide top of the line training for mediators and collaborative professionals in a virtual format world-wide. Her award-winning podcast, The Divorce & Beyond Podcast, is one of the top 1% of podcasts worldwide and she is known to millions of listeners around the world as the “divorce voice you can trust!”
Resources & Links:
Unbreakable - the Divorce Recovery Retreat, Sedona, AZ in April 2025
Focused Strategy Sessions with Kate
Phoenix Rising: A Divorce Empowerment Collective
Susan’s podcast
Susan on Instagram @susanguthrieesq and @divorceandbeyond
Thanks to our sponsor: Future Fans
This episode is also sponsored by Soberlink:
Surviving divorce is one thing, but surviving divorce with a co-parent who abuses alcohol is a whole different ball game.
Soberlink is a high-tech breathalyzer system that sends you instant results of a co-parent’s alcohol levels. When your co-parent tests, their identity is automatically confirmed with facial recognition, and tamper sensors ensure no cheating has occurred. You then get instant proof that your kids are safe in their care.
- Court admissibility in all 50 states
- Facial recognition
- Tamper detection
- Easy-to-read Advanced Reporting™
Visit www.soberlink.com/dsg to learn more and get $50 off your device.
=================================
DISCLAIMER: THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE. YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM.
Episode link:
https://kateanthony.com/podcast/episode-299-not-all-bad-a-nuanced-perspective-on-family-court-with-susan-guthrie-esq-family-court-awareness-month/
Vanessa Bennett returns to the show this week! A highly regarded licensed holistic psychotherapist, clinical entrepreneur, mental health content creator, and the author of the best-selling relationship book, "It's Not Me, It's You," Vanessa brings a wealth of expertise. Her unique perspective on fostering healthy relationships and navigating codependency provides valuable insights.
In this episode, Vanessa and I delve into the intricacies of codependency and its impact on relationships and self-identity. Vanessa guides us in understanding the concept of codependence and sheds light on how it influences our behaviors and choices. Vanessa's profound wisdom on this subject promises to be enlightening and transformative, making this episode a must-listen for anyone seeking to improve their mental and emotional well-being.
Featured topics:
- You can’t talk about the individual without talking about the collective: Codependency, patriarchy, and white supremacy are intertwined—and should all be talked about within the realm of mental health (6:46)
- How codependency manifests in relationships (11:25)
- What to do to reclaim your sense of self (16:28)
- Evaluating (all) relationships is normal—if it no longer works for you, that’s okay! (22:45)
- Can you ever eradicate codependency in your life? (24:01)
- Micromoments and self-identity: ”Whenever you do the hard thing, you are laying a brick on the foundation of the sense of Self.” (34:27)
- How mindful practices can help you sit with your emotions and recover from codependency (37:13)
Learn more about Vanessa Bennett:
After over a decade of grinding in the New York City corporate world, Vanessa Bennett realized her work, her relationships, and honestly, her life felt…off. She didn’t see it at first, but her path was finding her — and the journey she started to help herself ended up being her path to helping others. Cue the montage of her moving across the country, having a few breakdowns, heartbreaks, setbacks, taking hundreds of hours of trainings and workshops in yoga, yoga therapy, nutrition, somatic therapy, and reading lots and lots of books. Oh yeah, all while becoming a licensed therapist. It turns out that this passion paired well with her unique background in telling stories through marketing and corporate strategy, a longtime practice of meditation and yoga, and the fact that she’s a New Yorker who cuts to the point. Today, Vanessa lives in Los Angeles and puts all of this to work as an Author, Licensed Holistic Psychotherapist, clinical entrepreneur and mental health content creator. She co-hosts the Cheaper Than Therapy Podcast, leads soul based retreats and workshops, and creates and facilitates curriculum for non-profit and corporate trainings, events, and conferences.
Resources & Links:
Links and information may also be found at: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/episode-232-breaking-free-from-codependency-with-vanessa-bennett
Pre-order Kate’s book “The D Word”
Vanessa’s websiteVanessa on InstagramVanessa on TikTok
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Get Your Curated Podcast Playlist! Answer four easy questions and you’ll get a curated list of podcast episodes to best support you as you navigate these tricky waters. I’ll also help you identify where you currently stand on this journey, and what’s ahead, with resources to help you move through this process with knowledge and grace.
GET IT HERE
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DISCLAIMER: THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE. YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM.
This week, I am doing something on the podcast I don’t normally do—featuring a story of someone within my community. My guest, L, joins me for a conversation about how her ex-husband contested their custody agreement after he learned of L’s postings of adult content online. The case and the subsequent judgment ended up being a huge step for women and women's sexual liberation in divorce.
Along with her attorney, Jonathan, L discusses why it may have been easier to concede and take down the explicit online content, yet chose to fight the allegations (and ensuing custody battle) instead. Plus, Jonathan explains how this case can be used as legal precedent for future cases.
L, who is using an alias for this podcast, is a long-time member of the Should I Stay or Should I Go Facebook group and worked through my program while going through her divorce in 2021. She’s a successful career executive, mom to a 7-year-old daughter, and an advocate for sexual freedom, having been a member of her local BDSM and kink communities for two years.
Resources & Links: Information and links may also be found at: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/episode-231-the-legal-battle-for-womens-sexual-freedom/
Pre-order Kate’s book “The D Word”
National Coalition for Sexual FreedomJD Lane LawRedacted Judge Ruling from L’s custody modification case
TODAY’S EPISODE IS SPONSORED BY: THE REVISED SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO? PROGRAM
An online coaching program designed to help you make the right decision about your marriage...once and for all. In this groundbreaking online coaching program, you’ll unlock the support, education and deep transformational work you need to finally answer to your most burning question: should I stay or should I go? DISCLAIMER: THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE. YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM.
Your relationship with money is important to know and understand. Yet, most of us were not taught how to be in relationship with money. Throw in divorce, financial trauma, or abuse, and how do you begin again? My guest, Bari Tessler, teaches how to have a healthy, safe, savvy, and creative relationship with money. In this episode she offers her unique perspective on restarting your financial journey following divorce or any life change.
Bari Tessler, M.A. is a Financial Therapist and Founder of The Art of Money, a year-long money school and a Mentor program for therapists, coaches, and financial professionals. Bari trained as a Somatic Therapist and received her Masters degree from Naropa University in 1998. She then ran a bookkeeping business for therapists and artists. In 2001, she merged all her training and created a somatic-based Financial Therapy methodology that she has been teaching for 20+ years.
Featured topics include:
- What is a financial therapist (5:35)
- We all make money mistakes, and we must be kind and gentle to ourselves when we do. There are a few things we are doing well and we need to claim for ourselves. (14:15)
- How to feel more grounded and at ease when making decisions around money, such as body and emotions check-ins (18:42)
- How our money stories are formed (42:05)
- Rebuilding your relationship with money after financial trauma or abuse (43:20)
- Why it is important to find a financial professional of whom you feel safe (44:40)
Learn more about Bari Tessler:
Bari Tessler, M.A. is a Financial Therapist and Founder of The Art of Money, a year-long money school and a Mentor program for therapists, coaches and financial professionals. Bari trained as a Somatic Therapist and received her Masters degree from Naropa University in 1998. She then ran a bookkeeping business for therapists and artists. In 2001, she merged all her training and created a somatic-based Financial Therapy methodology that she has been teaching for 20+ years. Bari is the Author of The Art of Money: A Life-Changing Guide to Financial Happiness and The Art of Money Workbook. Her work has been featured on Oprah.com, Inc.com, US News & World Report, Reuters Money, The Fiscal Times, USA Today, The Cut, Girlboss, Nerd Wallet, Real Simple, MindBodyGreen, and REDBOOK. She has also been featured on the cover of Experience Life and Mindful. Bari loves to read, dance and enjoy dark chocolate. She lives in Boulder, CO with her husband, son, many cats + a big puppy. You can find her here: baritessler.com
Resources & Links:
Information and links may also be found at: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/episode-230-the-art-of-money-with-bari-tessler
Pre-order Kate’s book “The D Word”
Bari’s website
Bari’s books
Bari on Instagram
Bari on Facebook
Bari on LinkedIn
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DISCLAIMER: THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE. YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM.
I am incredibly honored to be joined by Dr. Emma Katz this week on the podcast. Dr. Katz is a world-leading expert on coercive control. She is the author of Coercive Control in Children’s and Mothers’ Lives. She is an award-winning expert in domestic abuse and coercive control whose work has influenced policy and professional practice in the UK and globally. During our conversation, we discuss how to know if you are a victim of coercive control, the common forms of post-separation abuse, and understanding the orange, red, and green flag behaviors in relationships.
Dr. Emma Katz is an amazing source of information on coercive control. Our conversation aims to help you break free from coercive control, establish a realistic lens of what is happening, and plan how to move forward.
Featured topics include:
- What we mean when we talk about coercive control (4:14)
- How to know if you are being coercively controlled (6:46)
- Why Dr. Katz says coercive control is a global health crisis (8:49)
- Coercive control can happen to anyone, and women are often disproportionately the victims/survivors of it (17:46)
- The orange/red/green flag behaviors of relationships (27:26)
- “The person you fell in love with was not real. The sooner you come to understand that, the better. You can then begin to take back your power.” (33:28)
- The five most common forms of post-separation abuse (46:59)
- The difficulties of criminalization of coercive control (50:28)
Learn more about Dr. Emma Katz
Dr. Emma Katz is Associate Professor at Durham University. She is an award-winning expert in domestic abuse and coercive control whose work has influenced policy and professional practice in the UK and globally.
Dr. Katz’s book, Coercive Control in Children’s and Mothers’ Lives (published in 2022 by Oxford University Press), is described by Professor Evan Stark as a ‘pioneering work that will change how we understand and respond to children’s experience of domestic abuse.’
Follow Dr. Katz on Substack to receive her popular blog Decoding Coercive Control with Dr. Emma Katz.
Resources & Links:
Information and links may also be found at: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/episode-229-understanding-coercive-control-with-dr-emma-katz/
Pre-order Kate’s book “The D Word”
Dr. Katz’s website
Dr. Katz’s Substack “Decoding Coercive Control”
Dr. Katz on Instagram
Dr. Katz on LinkedIn
Dr. Katz on Facebook
Dr. Katz on YouTube
Dr. Katz’s Research Publications
TODAY’S EPISODE IS SPONSORED BY: SOBERLINK Proof. Protection. Peace of Mind.
The Soberlink remote alcohol monitoring system comprises a portable breathalyzer with wireless technology for real-time results. With proven use as the leading choice in child custody cases since 2011, we are the only system that combines:
- Court admissibility in all 50 states
- Facial recognition
- Tamper detection
- Easy-to-read Advanced Reporting™
Trust the Experts in Remote Alcohol Monitoring Technology™ to support the best interests of the child in your Family Law cases.
DISCLAIMER: THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE. YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM.
In today's episode, I'm thrilled to introduce Grant Wyeth, a talented writer based in Melbourne and occasionally Sweden. He joined me to discuss the intricacies of family court and share his knowledge about parental alienation. Grant wears many hats – he's a columnist for the prestigious Asia Pacific Affairs publication, The Diplomat, an editor at Asia Pacific Development, Diplomacy, and Defense Dialogue, and the creator of the Substack newsletter, International Blue.
While Grant's main focus has been on foreign affairs, in recent years, he's taken a deep dive into a different subject – the behavior of family courts. One particular Substack piece Grant wrote caught my attention. He delved into the complex issue of parental alienation within the family court system. Grant shares his research, experiences, and thoughts on these important issues in this episode.
Featured topics include:
- How family court systems are failing to address abuse (4:17)
- The global significance of child custody cases and violence against women and its reflection on societal health (6:36)
- The history of parental alienation (14:18)
- Family court judges often lack training in recognizing signs of domestic violence, which leads to dangerous rulings (22:56)
- Abusers use institutions like courts, mediation, and social services as weapons to maintain control (33:43)
- The danger and harm of reunification camps (27:09)
- We discuss the father's rights movement and gender bias (45:35)
- Debunking parental alienation (46:46)
Learn more about Grant Wyeth:
Grant Wyeth is a Melbourne (and occasionally Sweden) based writer. He is currently a columnist for the Asia-Pacific affairs publication The Diplomat, is an editor at Asia-Pacific Development, Diplomacy and Defence Dialogue, and writes the Substack newsletter International Blue. Although his work primarily focuses on issues of foreign affairs, over the past few years he has taken a keen interest in the behaviour of family courts and has written extensively on these issues, as well as spoken at a number of public forums.
Resources & Links:Information and links may also be found at: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/episode-228-exposing-parental-alienation-in-family-courts-with-grant-wyeth
Grant’s Substack newsletter International Blue.
Grant on Twitter
Grant’s Substack article: The Best Interests Of The Abuser
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DISCLAIMER: THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE. YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM.
TODAY’S EPISODE IS SPONSORED BY:
THE REVISED SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO? PROGRAM
An online coaching program designed to help you make the right decision about your marriage...once and for all. In this groundbreaking online coaching program, you’ll unlock the support, education and deep transformational work you need to finally answer to your most burning question: should I stay or should I go?
DISCLAIMER: THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE. YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM.
I have yet to see an online divorce platform that is as in-depth as the award-winning platform Hello Divorce. Founder, attorney, and CEO, Erin Levine, joins me in a conversation about revolutionizing the broken divorce system and how Hello Divorce helps couples divorce in a way that feels fair, reduces conflict, and facilitates peace.
Erin’s mission is to help separating couples empower a better life ahead, and she has helped thousands of Americans reorganize their lives and families through a framework that levels the playing field between spouses so they can sort things out fairly, avoid missteps, and reimagine their next (best) chapter.
Featured topics include:
- The state of divorce in the media and the world today (3:13)
- How to invite the person you are divorcing to utilize a platform such as Hello Divorce (7:36)
- Even if your divorce does not go how you planned, so much of what matters is how you feel during it (14:40)
- Things to not forget in your settlement and post-divorce checklists (28:06)
- Divorce should always empower a better life ahead (34:39)
Learn more about Erin Levine:
Erin Levine is not your typical attorney. With over a decade of experience in litigating complex family matters, she saw the need for a kinder, easier and more affordable pathway out of marriage and into the next chapter of life. To achieve this, Erin set out to revolutionize the broken divorce system and founded Hello Divorce, a venture capital backed, tech-enabled platform, that combines self-service online tools with integrated expert advice, making it easier for everyone to navigate their lives and finances with less stress and mess. Erin’s innovative approach to the divorce process has earned her media mentions from the legal industry and beyond, with recent features in Vice, Forbes, American Bar Association Journal, Business Insider and TechCrunch. Ultimately, Erin is on a mission to help separating couples empower a better life ahead and has helped thousands of Americans reorganize their lives and families through a framework that levels the playing field between spouses so they can sort things out fairly, avoid missteps and reimagine their next (best) chapter.
Resources & Links:
Information and links may also be found at: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/episode-227-hello-divorce-redefining-the-divorce-process-with-erin-levine/
Hello Divorce
Hello Divorce’s Equity Split Calculator
Hello Divorce on Instagram
Erin on Instagram
Hello Divorce on Facebook
Get Your Curated Podcast Playlist! Answer four easy questions and you’ll get a curated list of podcast episodes to best support you as you navigate these tricky waters. I’ll also help you identify where you currently stand on this journey, and what’s ahead, with resources to help you move through this process with knowledge and grace.
GET IT HERE
DISCLAIMER: THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE. YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM.
Every so often, I meet someone in my field with whom I hit it off amazingly. This week’s guest, Tony Overbay, is an example of when that happens. Tony joins me to discuss emotional immaturity, narcissism, and raising your emotional baseline.
Tony is a licensed marriage and family therapist, certified mindful habit coach, writer, speaker, husband, father of 4, and Host of the award-winning podcast “The Virtual Couch” and another chart-topping podcast “Waking up To Narcissism.” He has spoken to audiences worldwide about marriage, parenting, navigating a faith crisis, anxiety, depression, ADHD, narcissism, and emotional immaturity. I am certain this conversation is just the first of many. I hope you enjoy this week’s episode!
Featured topics include:
- The difference between emotional immaturity and narcissism (2:48)
- A framework to help someone with emotional immaturity or narcissistic traits (20:35)
- Your emotional baseline: When your baseline of emotions is low, you can't reach the tools you need to interact with the world, so raising your emotional baseline could help you get traction to use the tools you’ve learned (34:05)
- Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) (44:23)
Learn more about Tony Overbay:
Tony Overbay is a licensed marriage and family therapist, speaker, author, and podcast host. Tony spent ten years working in the software industry before returning to school in his early 30s to get his master's in counseling, and he has been working as a therapist for the past 18 years. Tony’s first book, “He’s A Porn Addict, Now What? An Expert and a Former Addict Answer Your Questions,” has been a best-seller in the Sexual Health and Recovery category since its December 2019 debut. Tony recently released the “Magnetic Marriage” couples communication course and is the creator of The Path Back, an online pornography recovery program that has helped hundreds of individuals turn away from using pornography as a coping mechanism. Tony released the award-winning “The Virtual Couch” podcast in August of 2017, and he has over 350 episodes and 5 million downloads and counting. Tony launched “Waking Up to Narcissism” in October of 2021, and it has regularly found its way into the top 50 podcasts in the “Mental Health” category on the Apple Podcast charts. Tony’s latest podcast venture is an enhanced audio podcast of his best-selling book “He’s a Porn Addict,” with his co-author, Joshua Shea, joining him as co-host.
Tony has spoken to audiences worldwide on topics ranging from marriage, parenting, navigating a faith crisis, anxiety, depression, ADHD, narcissism, and emotional immaturity. Tony has testified in several court cases on narcissism. He is currently working on two books, one on his “Emotional Baseline” theory and one on navigating a relationship with a narcissist/emotionally immature person in one's life.
Tony has been married to his high school sweetheart for 32 years, and he has four adult children, ages 18, 20, 22, and 24. Tony is an avid runner, and he has completed over 150 marathons and ultramarathons, including over a dozen races of 100 miles or more. You can find out more about Tony at http://tonyoverbay.com.
Resources & Links: Information and links may also be found at: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/episode-226-emotional-immaturity-vs-narcissism-with-tony-overbay/
Tony’s website
Links to connect with Tony
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DISCLAIMER: THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE. YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM.
The divorce experience isn’t a cookie-cutter one for everyone. Sure, the process might look the same, but economics, culture, and race can impact how different people experience divorce.
Kimberly Cook’s Grown Girl Divorce platform seeks to educate and empower Black women through divorce, as their divorce experience can be very specific and different from that of white women. I am pleased to welcome Kimberly as a guest on the podcast this week! During our conversation, Kimberly helps highlight Black women's experiences and challenges during divorce.
Kimberly A. Cook, Esq. is a divorce attorney, mediator, and founder of Grown Girl Divorce, LLC, a divorce resource company. She is known for successfully negotiating complex financial and custody matters while helping her clients navigate their next steps forward.
Featured topics include:
- Why and when Kimberly created Grown Girl Divorce (4:47)
- Kimberly helps unpack divorce rate (41%) and marriage rate (17%) stats for Black women (13:20)
- How come staying in a marriage “for your children” isn’t good for them (22:03)
- There is strength in community, and being a part of a community reminds you that you are not alone in both challenging and great times (41:49)
- The ploy of creating a “unified front” in co-parenting and divorce (46:11)
Learn more about Kimberly A. Cook, Esq.:
Kimberly A. Cook, Esq. is a divorce attorney, Mediator, and founder of Grown Girl Divorce, LLC, a divorce resource company. She is known for successfully negotiating complex financial and custody matters while helping her clients navigate their next steps forward. Kimberly’s expertise and her unique ability to disseminate complex information in a relatable way has made her a sought-after divorce coach, speaker, and podcaster. She truly believes that everyone deserves to be in healthy and happy relationships and is on a mission to educate and empower others to make that happen.
Kimberly earned her B.A. from Spelman College and her law degree from The Catholic University of America. She is a Fellow of the Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers, the country’s premier organization for family law practitioners, and an active member of American Bar Association, Jack and Jill of America, Inc., Delta Sigma Theta Sorority, and the Economic Club of Chicago. Kimberly also serves on several boards including, The Lilac Tree, the DePaul Schiller DuCanto & Fleck Family Law Center, and Old St. Mary’s Catholic School.
She has been featured in various publications including, The Chicago Daily Law Bulletin, Chicago Lawyer Magazine, Crain’s Chicago, Black Enterprise, Thrive Global, and Business Insider. In recognition of her hard work and dedication to the practice, Kimberly is the recipient of several notable awards including Crain’s Chicago Notable Minorities in Law, Super Lawyers, and Best Lawyers In America.
Resources & Links:Information and links may also be found at: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/episode-225-grown-girl-divorce-empowering-black-women-through-divorce-with-kimberly-a-cook-esq
Download The Divorce Survival Guide Podcast Curated Podcast Playlist
Kimberly’s website
Kimberly on Instagram
Grown Girl Divorce Podcast
TODAY’S EPISODE IS SPONSORED BY: SOBERLINK Proof. Protection. Peace of Mind.
The Soberlink remote alcohol monitoring system comprises a portable breathalyzer with wireless technology for real-time results. With proven use as the leading choice in child custody cases since 2011, we are the only system that combines:
- Court admissibility in all 50 states
- Facial recognition
- Tamper detection
- Easy-to-read Advanced Reporting™
Trust the Experts in Remote Alcohol Monitoring Technology™ to support the best interests of the child in your Family Law cases.
DISCLAIMER: THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE. YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM.
My good friend and colleague, Michelle Dempsey-Multack, returns for a conversation about the challenges with divorce litigation and the best interest of children, co-parenting do’s and don’ts, and raising a healthy child post-divorce. Michelle's unique perspective on divorce and co-parenting has helped thousands of women find the permission to move on confidently after divorce and move towards a more intentional and holistic co-parenting experience, and she brings all the wisdom to this episode.
Michelle Dempsey-Multack, MS, CDS is a Certified Divorce and Co-Parenting Specialist, bestselling author, educator for divorce coaches and top 1% podcaster known for her ability to inspire and empower moms through their divorce and co-parenting journeys.
Featured topics include:
- The issues with “in the best interest of the children” in divorce litigation (2:41)
- Why it is important to know how to determine what is in the best interest of the children (7:13)
- When equal shared parenting isn’t something to jump right into, instead, take a step-up approach to shared parenting (8:39)
- Addressing abuse in divorce—including spousal abuse, post-separation abuse, and abuse perpetrated by the courts (14:06)
- The impact of talking negatively about the other co-parent to your children (18:46)
- Age-appropriate truth in co-parenting is healthy (23:15)
- Some co-parenting do’s and don’ts to follow (38:22)
Learn more about Michelle Dempsey-Multack:
Michelle Dempsey-Multack, MS, CDS is a Certified Divorce and Co-Parenting Specialist, bestselling author, educator for divorce coaches. and top 1% podcaster known for her ability to inspire and empower moms through their divorce and co-parenting journeys.
Michelle's passion for "putting the child first" in the divorce process while helping everyone she reaches feel supported and empowered, makes her a sought after coach by clients as well as divorce industry professionals from around the globe. Michelle's unique perspective on divorce and co-parenting has helped thousands of women find the permission to move on confidently after divorce as they move towards a more intentional and holistic co-parenting experience - one that their kids can be proud of one day. Michelle solidified her place as a thought leader in the divorce space with the recent publication of her bestselling book, Moms Moving On: Real Life Advice on Conquering Divorce, Co-Parenting Through Conflict, and Becoming Your Best Self from Simon and Schuster.
Resources & Links:
Information and resources may also be found at: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/episode-224-the-best-interest-of-the-children-unraveling-divorce-litigation-with-michelle-dempsey-multack/
Grit and Grace
Coaching with Kate
Michelle’s website
Michelle on Instagram
Episode 211: Walking an Impossible Line: Talking Honestly with Your Kids About Their Other Parent
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Get Your Curated Podcast Playlist! Answer four easy questions and you’ll get a curated list of podcast episodes to best support you as you navigate these tricky waters. I’ll also help you identify where you currently stand on this journey, and what’s ahead, with resources to help you move through this process with knowledge and grace.
GET IT HERE!
==============================================================
DISCLAIMER: THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE. YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM.
This week's episode explores intuition and its role in decision-making with guest Dr. Carolyn Kurle. If we always followed our intuition, life would be sooo easy, right? Not exactly, but getting in touch with your intuition, what lights you up, and looking at hard data, can help you make decisions with clarity and peace.
Dr. Carolyn Kurle is a Biology Professor at the University of California, San Diego. As a scientist, Carolyn relies on logical thinking. Still, she also values quieting the false stories in our minds and fully integrating our feeling and intuitive selves to navigate the flow of life from a place of wholeness.
Featured topics include:
- Recognizing when you are in an unproductive groove is the first step to harnessing the power of intuition (7:35)
- Instead of running away from your inner critic or fear, get curious about it - that’s where the transformation can happen (12:44)
- “You have the agency to leave, change, and make different choices moving forward. It is powerful and amazing.” (15:34)
- How to work through disconnecting or disassociating from the information you don’t want to face (24:52)
- Finding a way to get into a productive and intuitive groove (41:20)
Learn more about Dr. Carolyn Kurle:
Dr. Carolyn Kurle is a Biology Professor at the University of California, San Diego. As a scientist, Carolyn relies on logical thinking, but she also values quieting the false stories in our minds and fully integrating our feeling, intuitive selves to navigate the flow of life from a place of wholeness.
Carolyn’s work with hundreds of outstanding students at UCSD, many of whom paradoxically struggle to find ease, motivated her to write the book, The Guidance Groove: Escape Unproductive Habits, Trust Your Intuition, and Be True. Her book is an invitation to question the truth of the stories you’ve been conditioned to believe so you can more easily connect with the wisdom emanating from your intuitive guidance, increase your personal authenticity and contentment, and make choices from love instead of ego and fear.
Resources & Links:Information and links can also be found at: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/episode-223-the-science-of-intuition-with-dr-carolyn-kurle/
Grit and Grace
Coaching with Kate
Carolyn’s website
Carolyn’s book
Carolyn on LinkedIn
TODAY’S EPISODE IS SPONSORED BY:
THE REVISED SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO? PROGRAM
An online coaching program designed to help you make the right decision about your marriage...once and for all. In this groundbreaking online coaching program, you’ll unlock the support, education and deep transformational work you need to finally answer to your most burning question: should I stay or should I go?
DISCLAIMER: THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE. YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM.
This week’s episode is especially for the women who have had their heads in the sand about their finances. That’s okay because we’ve got you covered. Jennifer Lee, the founder of Modern-Wealth, a Sarasota-based financial firm focusing on helping individuals experiencing transition, joins me in this episode. Our conversation focuses on empowering women to take control of their finances, understand their money story, navigate divorce, and build a purposeful and legacy-driven financial life.
Jennifer has over 27 years of expertise in the financial services industry and is also the author of Squeeze the Juice: Live With Purpose-Then Leave a Legacy. Our hope is that this episode helps you to get clear on where you are and figure out how to move forward.
Featured topics include:
- Why thinking about and determining your money story is important (4:56)
- Even if your partner handles most of the marital assets, it’s imperative you know what is going on and have an understanding of your finances (12:17)
- If you’ve never managed the money, but have access to financial information, Jennifer explains where to begin when it comes to the divorce process (17:03)
- Collaborative divorce: what it is and how it works (25:16)
- Recommendations for women who want to understand and manage their finances better (35:38)
Learn more about Jennifer Lee:
Originally from Maryland, Jennifer brought her over 27 years (44 years if you count going into the office with her father as a child) of expertise in the financial services industry to Florida. Jennifer has found that a relationship with an advisor is most critical at the intersections in life where emotions collide with financial events. She enjoys facilitating her clients through challenges as they experience life’s upsets such as divorce, the loss of a spouse, or business to retirement transition. Whether you are experiencing divorce, a business client expanding or selling your operation, or a couple wanting to make sure they have provided for their family, Modern-Wealth may be a good fit. Jennifer provides a fresh perspective to the financial planning process by digging deep to understand what drives her clients. At Modern-Wealth, they build long-lasting relationships. As part of their process, they encourage clients to communicate their values to the most important people in their lives by writing a family love letter. This led her to write “Squeeze the Juice: Live With Purpose-Then Leave a Legacy.”
Resources & Links:Information and links may also be found at: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/episode-222-get-your-head-out-of-the-sand-and-take-charge-of-your-finances-with-jennifer-lee/
Download The Divorce Survival Guide Podcast Curated Podcast Playlist
Jennifer’s website
Jennifer’s book
Jennifer’s Facebook
Jennifer’s LinkedIn
Jennifer’s Instagram
YouTube Excerpts from Squeeze the Juice: Live with Purpose, then Leave a Legacy
Schedule a Squeeze the Juice Call with Jennifer
TODAY’S EPISODE IS SPONSORED BY:
THE REVISED SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO? PROGRAM
An online coaching program designed to help you make the right decision about your marriage...once and for all. In this groundbreaking online coaching program, you’ll unlock the support, education and deep transformational work you need to finally answer to your most burning question: should I stay or should I go?
DISCLAIMER: THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE. YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM.
Do you spend most of the time feeling like you are doing parenting all wrong? Are you often doling out punishments but really wish you had more connection and calm with your kids? Michelle Kenney, a parenting coach, returns for a conversation about how to let go of punishments and find peace in parenting instead.
Parenting without the use of threats, bribes, and consequences is possible. But can you raise a great kid without using these parenting tactics? The answer is “Yes!” In this episode, Michelle breaks down how to parent without yelling or using manipulative methods. And, y’all, I learned so much from this conversation. I hope you will too!
Michelle is a mother of two, and after years of consequences, bribes, and star charts, she found Hand in Hand parenting, created by Patty Wipfler. It reshaped her relationship with her daughters, and she credits it with changing her life. Today Michelle has helped herself and others make meaningful connections, work on sibling rivalry, and alleviate school problems.
Featured topics include:
- Parenting without yelling or consequences starts with creating a connection with your child (3:48)
- Mutual cooperation is the goal (8:21)
- How to co-parent with someone who has a different parenting style (9:10)
- Punishment erodes trust and engagement; instead, aim for empathy and holding boundaries (14:32)
- Some ways to build and foster connection with your children (22:54)
- How to take care of yourself while parenting (27:48)
Learn more about Michelle Kenney:
Michelle lives in Los Angeles with her two girls, 12 and 15. Before becoming a Hand in Hand certified instructor in 2015, she worked for 12 years in public schools as a teacher and counselor. None of which prepared her to be a mom. After years of consequences, bribes, and star charts, she found Hand in Hand parenting, created by Patty Wipfler. It reshaped her relationship with her daughters, and she credits it with changing her life.
She is passionate about helping others find their way through the murky business of being a connected parent. She loves leading groups and finds the dynamic transformative. Michelle also strongly believes that listening partnerships are the cornerstone to overcoming difficulties.
Michelle has helped herself, and others make meaningful connections, work on sibling rivalry, and alleviate school problems. Aggression, fears, withdrawal, and sleep issues are just some of the struggles she has shared and helped others rectify. She holds a Master’s Degree in Education, speaks fluent Spanish, has been trained as a Council in Schools Facilitator, and is an ADL Trainer fighting against bias of all types on school campuses.
Resources & Links: Information and links may also be found at: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/episode-221-parenting-with-peace-letting-go-of-punishments-and-finding-connection-with-michelle-kenney/
Download The Divorce Survival Guide Podcast Curated Podcast Playlist
Michelle’s website
Unpunished: How to Let Go of Punishments and Find Your Parenting Peace
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DISCLAIMER: THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE. YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM.
Zawn Villines returns to the show this week. Together we explore how men use the family court system to continue to abuse women. Zawn shares the harrowing story of Caroline Youseff Kassenoff, who experienced post-separation abuse in its most extreme form and who the family court system failed horribly. We discussed Kayden’s Law, double standards around mental health and infidelity, and how to quietly quit your marriage if you simply can’t leave.
Zawn Villines is a feminist activist and writer who focuses on misogyny in motherhood and marriage. Her work argues that mothers are central to the feminist project and that fathers must participate equally in household and parenting labor. She believes that inequality in marriage is a primary driver of sexism and limits women's lives and futures.
Featured topics include:
- DARVO and how it plays into coercive control and post-separation abuse within family courts (15:48)
- The double standard around mental health and infidelity between men and women (19:57(
- Why men must hear, “Being an extraordinary husband gets you an extraordinary wife. It gets you a better life.” (31:40)
- “Marriage is a huge and dangerous gamble that is not worth undertaking for most women.” (35:11)
- Quiet quitting: If you can’t leave, how can you still make a meaningful life? (35:35)
- Kids know what is happening and eventually discover the truth - there often is justice down the line. (50:20)
Learn more about Zawn Villines:
Zawn Villines is a feminist activist and writer who focuses on misogyny in motherhood and marriage. Her work argues that mothers are central to the feminist project, and that fathers must participate equally in household and parenting labor. She believes that inequality in marriage is a primary driver of sexism, and that it limits women's lives and futures. Inequality at home is a form of abuse, and Zawn teaches women to push back on this unacceptable treatment and claim their rightful place in the family, at work, and in their communities.
Her weekly Feminist Advice Friday series advises people about how to live better and more just lives and how to use their relationships as pathways to liberation and joy.
Outside of her activism, Zawn has written full-time about science, medicine, politics, and the law for two decades. She writes a weekly reproductive justice column and runs a nonprofit childbirth justice organization.
She hopes to see more mothers claim the power and dignity of motherhood and end notions of mothers as irrelevant. Mothers are raising the next generation of resistance.
Resources & Links:Information and links may also be found at: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/episode-220-post-separation-abuse-and-the-failure-of-the-family-court-system-with-zawn-villines/
Zawn’s website
Zawn on Facebook
Zawn on Instagram
Subscribe to Zawn’s newsletter!
988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline
‘Do not let my demise be in vain,’ Jess Taylor
TODAY’S EPISODE IS SPONSORED BY: SOBERLINK Proof. Protection. Peace of Mind.
The Soberlink remote alcohol monitoring system comprises a portable breathalyzer with wireless technology for real-time results. With proven use as the leading choice in child custody cases since 2011, we are the only system that combines:
- Court admissibility in all 50 states
- Facial recognition
- Tamper detection
- Easy-to-read Advanced Reporting™
Trust the Experts in Remote Alcohol Monitoring Technology™ to support the best interests of the child in your Family Law cases.
DISCLAIMER: THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE. YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM.
When it comes to divorce and our children, there are things that, as adults, we are not thinking about. Wouldn’t it be great to understand a kid’s perspective as we traverse divorce? This week, Grace Casper, a child of divorce, joins me to share insights and practical tools parents can use to guide children before, during, and after divorce.
Grace became a child of divorce at age eight. Since then, she’s wanted to help families through the divorce process. She is now 24 years old and runs Divorce Tips from Kids. She is also the host of the podcast, “Divorce: What I Wish My Parents Knew,” and author of the upcoming book, "Dear Parents: Notes From a Child of Divorce.”
Featured topics and insights include:
- Parents set the tone for the home and the divorce. (5:58)
- Divorce tip! “Send a piece of yourself with your kid when they visit their other parent.” (8:15)
- Allow your child to miss their other parent when they are with you. (12:11)
- Dismissing your child simply because of their age is a huge disservice to them. (22:47)
- Your kids get to decide what divorce means for them (like, it sucks, it’s good, or even a coexisting of both good and bad). (32:29)
- Divorce tip! “Empower and coach your kids about how to speak to their other parent.” (39:21)
- Reminder: Your child is not responsible for caring for your happiness. (44:45)
Learn more about Grace Casper:
Grace Casper became a child of divorce at age eight. By age 10, she had already written her first manuscript draft for her book. Ever since then, she’s wanted to help families through the process of divorce. She is now 24 years old and runs Divorce Tips from Kids. This includes posting on social media, sending out emails to parents, and hosting her podcast, “Divorce: What I Wish My Parents Knew” (the first podcast created from the child’s perspective). She is also the author of the upcoming book, "Dear Parents: Notes From a Child of Divorce," which comes out June 20th.
She is a Baylor University alumni; however, her hometown in Colorado will forever have her heart. When Grace isn’t creating content about divorce, she works as a full-time elementary school librarian. She lives in Waco, TX, with her tiny maltipoo, Teddy, and two best friends.
Resources & Links: Information and links may also be found at: http://kateanthony.com/podcast/episode-219-divorce-tips-from-kids-with-grace-casper/
Download The Divorce Survival Guide Podcast Curated Podcast Playlist
Private Coaching with KateGrace’s websiteGrace on Instagram Grace on TikTok Grace on Facebook
DISCLAIMER: THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE. YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM.
This week we are talking about hoovering. If the term is new to you, hoovering is a tactic an ex-partner might use to suck you back into the relationship. When you try to leave a toxic relationship, it can be scary, unknown, and you may start second-guessing yourself. Dr. Heidi Brocke returns to help us understand what hoovering is and shares the signs so you can avoid being lured back into a toxic relationship.
Dr. Heidi Brocke is the perfect person to talk about hoovering because she is a toxic relationship awareness and healing specialist. She has turned her past into her passion as she provides hope, healing, and freedom to those whose lives have been affected by toxic relationships, emotional abuse, and narcissistic behaviors.
Featured topics and insights include:
- If you feel like shit all the time in your relationship, something is wrong. (8:00)
- The three things seen during the love-bombing stage and how that connects to hoovering. (9:19)
- As soon as an ex starts feeling insecure about the loss of the relationship, that is when the hoovering typically begins. (13:13)
- The tactics and signs of hoovering. (13:57)
- This has nothing to do with you or the relationship, it has everything to do with the fact your ex feels insecure and is looking to regain power and control. (30:19)
Learn more about Dr. Heidi Brocke:
As a Toxic Relationship Awareness & Healing Specialist, Dr. Heidi Brocke has turned her past into her passion as she provides hope, healing, and freedom to those whose lives have been affected by toxic relationships, emotional abuse, and narcissistic behaviors. After 24 years in healthcare, she has now moved on to use her life experience and her education to be the person she needed when she herself was trapped in the darkness of an unhealthy relationship. Through education, Dr. Heidi presents to her clients the understanding they need to empower themselves to walk through fear and into freedom. She has been featured in Forbes, Time Magazine, and Thrive Global for her dedication to her clients and her work in the toxic relationship area. Her podcast, “It’s Not Normal It’s Toxic,” has reached clients and followers worldwide, now with over 1 million downloads. She plans to continue her mission to educate as many as possible on the effects of toxic relationships and emotional abuse.
Resources & Links: Information and links may also be found at: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/episode-218-hoovering-how-your-toxic-ex-can-suck-you-back-in-with-dr-heidi-brocke/
Private Coaching with Kate Dr. Heidi Brocke’s websiteIt’s Not Normal, It’s Toxic Podcast Become a member of the We're INNIT Together Community Dr. Heidi on Instagram Dr. Heidi on Facebook Episode 178: From Toxic to Free with Dr. Heidi Brocke
TODAY’S EPISODE IS SPONSORED BY: SOBERLINK Proof. Protection. Peace of Mind. The Soberlink remote alcohol monitoring system comprises a portable breathalyzer with wireless technology for real-time results. With proven use as the leading choice in child custody cases since 2011, we are the only system that combines:
- Court admissibility in all 50 states
- Facial recognition
- Tamper detection
- Easy-to-read Advanced Reporting™
Trust the Experts in Remote Alcohol Monitoring Technology™ to support the best interests of the child in your Family Law cases.
DISCLAIMER: THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE. YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM.
Annette Oltmans, the founder of The M3ND Project, returns to the show to discuss Double Abuse®. Together, we explore what Double Abuse® is and how it can exacerbate the trauma a victim is already experiencing from their abuser.
Double Abuse® happens when seeking help becomes a harmful encounter, where instead of supporting you, a person belittles your experience or disregards what you are telling them about your abuser. When you are in the middle of trauma, you need someone who will say, “I’ve got you,” understands what you are going through, and can help advocate for you.
We created this episode because it is important to: understand what Double Abuse® is, know what to do if you think it’s happening to you, and learn how others can be safe people for you.
Featured topics include:
- Understanding covert emotional abuse and its destruction (4:15)
- Double Abuse®: what it is and how it exacerbates a victim’s trauma (15:48)
- Why it’s important for victims to recognize when Double Abuse® is happening to them so they can gently exit the conversation and find a new circle of support (24:24)
- Some examples of Double Abuse® in the media (34:29)
- How to support and show up for a victim using the healing model of compassion (37:36)
- You cannot take care of yourself if you are being traumatized by Double Abuse® (52:08)
Learn more about Annette Oltmans:
Annette Oltmans is a philanthropist and passionate human rights advocate. Annette’s personal experiences of prolonged emotional abuse in marriage and her extensive journey of recovery including comprehensive field research into the topics of Original Abuse and Double Abuse® ignited her passion to founding The M3ND Project in 2016. While seeking the help of professionals and responders, she experienced Double Abuse® in the form of spiritual and institutional abuse. These harmful encounters compelled Annette in her relentless pursuit for solutions that involved interviews with hundreds of victims and survivors. She uncovered common threads that cause victims prolonged states of confusion as well as what ultimately led them towards healing. Her journey also involved interviews with hundreds of faith-based leaders and therapists which led her to discover that most are untrained and ill-equipped to identify and help victims of emotional, verbal, and psychological abuse. In working to prevent and remediate such harm, Annette developed protocoled models that are now being taught and implemented with therapists, churches and professional organizations across the United States. She consulted with esteemed experts in abuse, trauma, and healing to ensure the materials align with the highest professional standards. Annette also serves on the Board of Pepperdine University’s Boone Center for the Family and is a Board of Trustee member of Northrise University in Zambia. Her writing on these topics of abuse, domestic violence, and bullying has been published in the American Association of Christian Counselors (AACC), Teen Vogue, and numerous other publications. Annette is also a contributing author in the newly released book, "Created to Thrive: Cultivating Abuse-Free Safe Communities."
Resources & Links: Information and resources may also be found at: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/episode-217-understanding-double-abuse-with-annette-oltmans/
Private Coaching with Kate
The M3nd Project WebsiteTools and Resources from The M3ND ProjectThe M3ND Project on FacebookThe M3ND Project on InstagramThe M3nd Project on YouTubeThe M3nd Project on TwitterAbuser. Narcissist. Sociopath. with Annette Oltmans Covert Emotional Abuse with Annette Oltmans
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DISCLAIMER: THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE. YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM.
Tracy Coenen returns to the show to talk about hidden money, secret spending, and how to win the money you deserve in your divorce. Tracy is a forensic accountant and has been investigating fraud for more than 25 years. She finds money in corporate fraud cases, high-net-worth divorces, and other financial shenanigans. In this episode, she shares information about the ways money can be hidden and how to assert your autonomy, take control, and reach a fair and deserved settlement.
Featured topics include:
- Why it is important to be mindful of the language used around money and divorce. (4:16)
- Tracy talks about her new book, Find Me The Money!, and how it aims to empower women to win a fair divorce settlement. (7:39)
- How to know if your spouse is hiding money, and some ways money can be hidden (such as a secret credit card) (9:59)
- The five secret thieves of divorce: shame, betrayal, isolation, insecurity, and overwhelm (15:06)
- Innocent spouse relief: what it means and how it plays into the divorce process (26:20)
- How to reconcile winning the money you deserve versus the hurdles you’ll need to jump to win it - is it worth it? (35:19)
Learn more about Tracy Coenen:
Tracy Coenen has been investigating fraud for more than 25 years, but she didn’t always want to be a forensic accountant. With a dream of one day being a prison warden, Tracy went to Marquette University in Milwaukee, WI to get a criminology degree. A class on financial crime investigations reminded her how much she loved Encyclopedia Brown books as a kid. She continued her criminology degree, but added accounting and economics courses so she could sit for the CPA exam… and here Tracy is, finding money in cases of corporate fraud, high net worth divorce, and other financial shenanigans.
Resources & Links:
Information and links may also be found at: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/episode-216-find-me-the-money-with-tracy-coenen/
Join me TOMORROW, May 12th, for a special Split UP: The TEEN Years screening event! To secure your spot and get all the details, visit http://kateanthony.com/split.
A Conversation about the film Split UP: The TEEN Years with Christina McGhee and Ellen Bruno Download The Divorce Survival Guide Podcast Curated Podcast Playlist Tracy’s website Tracy on InstagramTracy on TikTokEpisode 190: Becoming Your Own Forensic Accountant with Tracy Coenen
DISCLAIMER: THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE. YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM.
Gabrielle Hartley returns to the show to discuss the secret to getting along with others! Gabrielle is co-chair of the American Bar Association Mediation Committee,
a divorce attorney, online mediator, founder of The Private Divorce Solution, and author of "Better Apart: The Radically Positive Way to Separate." Her new book, “The Secret to Getting Along and Why It’s Easier Than You Think,” is available for pre-order.
Gabrielle says that when you learn the steps of getting along, there is nothing more satisfying than being in agreement. Listen to this episode to hear how meeting your deepest emotional needs will lead to resolving conflict.
Featured topics include:
- The framework of Gabrielle’s YES Method and how it encourages people to get along (12:50)
- Knowing when to shelve a conversation and take space (19:30)
- If you can understand what the other person really needs, you can settle almost any argument (24:47)
- Gabrielle explains what she means when she says, “Defensiveness is the enemy of resolution.” (32:42)
- The VIR protocol: visualizing how you want things to be (36:14)
Learn more about Gabrielle Hartley, Esq.:
Gabrielle Hartley is co-chair of the American Bar Association Mediation Committee,
a divorce attorney, online mediator, founder of The Private Divorce Solution, and author of "Better Apart: The Radically Positive Way to Separate." Her new book “The Secret to Getting Along and Why It’s Easier Than You Think” will be released this May. She offers a weekly newsletter, The Conflict Code” and hosts The Better Apart Blog and is a frequently quoted media expert in the peaceful divorce realm (The New York Times, Vice, WNYC, Forbes, Psychology Today,etc.) Gabrielle is former court attorney to NYS Supreme Court Judge Jeffrey Sunshine.
While writing her first book, Better Apart; The Radically Positive Way to Separate (HarperCollins2019) she realized that we all need to get along better in all facets of our lives. Gabrielle developed the YES Method based on more than 25 years working as a top divorce lawyer and mediator.
The Secret to Getting Along was recently selected as a Next Big Idea Club must-read and her Tedx Talk on her strategy has been viewed over 62 thousand times.
Resources & Links: Information and links may also be found at: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/episode-215-the-secret-to-getting-along-with-gabrielle-hartley-esq/ Join me for a special Split UP: The TEEN Years screening event on Friday, May 12th! To secure your spot and get all the details, visit http://kateanthony.com/split. A Conversation about the film Split UP: The TEEN Years with Christina McGhee and Ellen Bruno
Gabrielle's website Gabrielle on Facebook Gabrielle on Instagram The Secret To Getting Along and Why It's Easier Than You Think The Secret To Getting Along is Easier Than You Think TEDx Talk
TODAY’S EPISODE IS SPONSORED BY: COZY EARTH Cozy Earth is the world's foremost source of high-quality, authentic bamboo viscose bed linens. Listeners can enjoy this exclusive offer from Cozy Earth today: Receive 35% off site-wide when you use the code “DSG” at CozyEarth.com! Thanks to our sponsor, Cozy Earth, and thank you, listeners, for supporting this show!
DISCLAIMER: THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE. YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM.
This week, Dr. Jeannette Lofas joins me to discuss why the step-family unit differs entirely from a traditional family. She explains why the science, rules, and roles of the step-family are uniquely distinct. Dr. Lofas also shares insights and advice about how to make the step-family structure work for your changing family, following divorce and remarriage.
Jeannette Lofas, Ph.D., is a pioneering authority in stepfamily relationships, divorce, remarriage, and children. She is also the founder and president of the Stepfamily Foundation -- the first organization in the world devoted solely to the problems and challenges encountered in step relationships.
Featured topics include:
- The step-family cannot and will not function as an intact family (12:03)
- Why identifying roles in the step-family system and defining rules is important (13:41)
- The role of the step-mother or step-parent (15:24)
- Dr. Lofas shares some of the rules of the step-family (22:19)
- The issue with the phrase “blended family” (28:07)
Resources & Links: Information and links may also be found at: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/episode-214-navigating-step-family-relationships-with-dr-jeannette-lofas/ Join me for a special Split UP: The TEEN Years screening event on Friday, May 12th! To secure your spot and get all the details, visit http://kateanthony.com/split. Download The Divorce Survival Guide Podcast Curated Podcast Playlist The Stepfamily FoundationDr. Lofas on InstagramDr. Lofas on LinkedIn A Conversation about the film, Split UP: The TEEN Years with Christina McGhee and Ellen Bruno
Learn more about Dr. Jeannette Lofas:
Dr. Jeannette Lofas (Ph.D., LCSW) is a therapist specializing in stepfamilies. Dr. Lofas herself is a divorcee, successfully remarried. (She is also a stepchild and a stepmother.) She has been helping stepfamilies for more than four decades and said there is not a question she hasn’t answered.
Dr. Lofas believes that the stepfamily does not and cannot function as a biological family. Author of four books, she has deep and specific knowledge of the science of the stepfamily system where the roles and rules are very different from traditional marriages. More an expert consultant than a traditional therapist, Lofas offers an approach which is actionable, practical and solution based to help you succeed in this different dynamic. She defines responsibilities and contributions for every member of the stepfamily and teaches communication skills, focusing on positivity, manners, visitation, the prior spouse, co-parenting and more. Dr. Lofas believes solutions come from education about how to manage stepfamily relationships – and she speaks to everyone in the family. Lofas is also a Certified Divorce and Co-Parenting Mediator.
Lofas is former TV reporter/film critic for ABC, NBC and CBS.
In her linked in profile she provides some background as to how she became a stepfamily expert:
"When I remarried I found myself lost and in conflict within my own new family. I was amazed to find that my beloved husband sided with his four girls rather than me. Before we got marred his girls and I were best of pals. I was devastated. My husband and I began fighting over his not taking my side, discipline, putting his children before me, and my 10-year-old son.
Dismayed I contacted every therapist in the state and then began to call all over the US. There was no one there. Having come out of TV on air broadcast news and being an experienced interviewer I turned to looking for and talking to others in similar situations. From that information I created my first book. LIVING IN STEP: A Remarriage Manual.
As a result people started asking me for advice. I decided to make a career transition and to counsel people who had remarried with children. My reputation as a writer and counselor spread so that I was invited as a guest on such TV programs as Oprah, Montel Williams, The Today show, CBS Morning News and Fox. I have also been interviewed by periodicals such as the NY Times, The Ladies Home Journal (Woman of the Month) and Vogue to name a few.
I live in constant gratitude and delight watching my client families grow from chaos and conflict to laughter and love."
Dr. Lofas is the recipient of a 1995 presidential award for her ‘outstanding efforts in strengthening step relationships across America’ and is president of the Stepfamily Foundation https://www.stepfamily.org/, a not-for-profit that she founded in 1976. She is the author of Living In Step, with Ruth Roosevelt, McGraw-Hill, 1976; He's OK, She's OK: Honoring the Differences Between Men & Women, Tzedakah, 1995; Family Rules, Kensington Books, 1998; and Stepparenting, 3rd Edition May 2004, Citadel Books, one of the largest selling books of its kind.
Dr. Lofas counsels clients from around the world.
DISCLAIMER: THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE. YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM.
How will your choices about divorce affect your children now and in the future? The creator of the films Split and Split UP: The TEEN Years, Ellen Bruno, says, “The connection between how parents frame the changing family, separation, and divorce profoundly impacts kids.” Split UP: The TEEN Years documents the experiences of teenagers with divorce. Christina McGhee and Ellen Bruno join me in this episode to discuss this new film and share their insights and takeaways for parents and children.
Split UP: The TEEN Years is comforting, poignant, and deep. The children in these films are the best teachers. They provide the opportunity to see how families experience divorce and its impact on children.
Featured topics include:
- The impetus for creating the films Split and Split UP: The TEEN Years (6:27)
- How the movie gives parents an unfiltered look into how this experience feels for children (10:58)
- The choices you make in your divorce now impact children for the rest of their lives (11:45)
- The greatest gift we can give our children is to rise up, take the high road, and keep them at the center of the divorce (14:37)
- When the family begins to change, it is important to remind kids that “They are wanted, they are loved, and this is not their fault.” (33:34)
Join us for a special Split UP: The TEEN Years screening event on Friday, May 12th! To secure your spot and get all the details, visit http://kateanthony.com/split.
Learn more about Christina McGhee and Ellen Bruno:
Christina McGhee, MSW, is an internationally recognized divorce parenting expert, speaker, and author of the critically acclaimed book PARENTING APART: How separated and divorced parents can raise happy and secure kids and the founder of divorceandchildren.com.
Ellen Bruno is an award-winning documentary filmmaker based in San Francisco. With a background in international relief work, Ellen’s films have focused on issues at the forefront of human rights.
Resources & Links:
Download The Divorce Survival Guide Podcast Curated Podcast Playlist Should I Stay or Should I Go Program - Special Offer! Get $50 off the program, plus a ticket to Split UP: The TEEN Years screening event! Offer available until April 24th. Visit kateanthony.com/kids for details.
TODAY’S EPISODE IS SPONSORED BY: COZY EARTH Cozy Earth is the world's foremost source of high-quality, authentic bamboo viscose bed linens. Listeners can enjoy this exclusive offer from Cozy Earth today: Receive 35% off site-wide when you use the code “DSG” at CozyEarth.com! Thanks to our sponsor, Cozy Earth, and thank you, listeners, for supporting this show!
DISCLAIMER: THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE. YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM.
Solo Episode alert!!
After over a decade of working with thousands of women, I’ve become really good at mapping out the entire divorce process and pinpointing where on that map someone might land. I’ve become so good at it that I actually created something I’m calling The Divorce Roadmap. In this episode, I share the three stages of the Roadmap: Awareness, Action, and Moving On, and explore the various phases within each stage. Divorce journeys are almost never linear, they ebb and flow and have hard times and times when things fall neatly into place. Knowing where you are on your journey can help you prepare for what’s to come. If, after listening to this episode, you have found yourself somewhere along the map described, I have resources for every phase and every stage. Download your free Divorce Roadmap today!
Resources & Links:Information and resources may also be found at: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/episode-212-your-divorce-roadmap-the-stages-and-phases-of-divorce Download The Divorce Survival Guide Podcast Curated Podcast PlaylistThe Divorce Roadmap Grit & Grace Coaching ProgramHow to Not Fuck Up Your Kids Guide Should I Stay or Should I Go?
TODAY’S EPISODE IS SPONSORED BY: SOBERLINK Proof. Protection. Peace of Mind. The Soberlink remote alcohol monitoring system consists of a portable breathalyzer with wireless technology for real-time results. With proven use as the leading choice in child custody cases since 2011, we are the only system that combines:
- Court admissibility in all 50 states
- Facial recognition
- Tamper detection
- Easy-to-read Advanced Reporting™
Trust the Experts in Remote Alcohol Monitoring Technology™ to support the best interests of the hild in your Family Law cases.
DISCLAIMER: THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE. YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM.
“Mom, did Dad cheat on you?” If and when your child comes to you with questions about why you and your ex are divorcing, do you know how you plan to respond?
This week, Christina McGhee joins me to talk about how to walk the line between not gaslighting your children versus not throwing a co-parent under the bus or telling children truths that might be too hard for them to hear. In this episode, you’ll hear practical strategies for maneuvering this complex situation.
This is an important episode for any parent going through a divorce or experiencing hardships in their relationship. As you listen, please remember to allow yourself grace as you walk this difficult journey with your kids.
Featured topics include:
- How to communicate with kids about the ‘whys’ around the ending of your marriage (4:55)
- A reminder that you do not need to give a full accounting of your marital issues (13:20)
- Meet your kids where they’re at, and focus on their feelings. (14:08)
- You don’t need all of the answers in order to have a conversation with your children. (20:58)
- Think before you speak and consider: Do you need to share certain information because your child should hear it or because you feel the need to tell it? (23:02)
- How to respond when your child says their co-parent is not emotionally available to have a conversation or listen to them, and how to help your kids learn to cope. (25:28)
Learn more about Christina McGhee:
Christina McGhee, MSW is an internationally recognized divorce parenting expert, speaker, and author. While splitting up is undeniably hard, Christina believes divorce doesn't have to equal devastation for families. She feels with the right kind of information and support, parents have the ability to be a child's absolute best resource when families change.
Throughout her career, she has educated both parents and professionals on how to minimize the impact of divorce on children. In her book, PARENTING APART: How separated and divorced parents can raise happy and secure kids, Christina offers parents useful strategies for dealing with the “real-life” everyday challenges of coparenting.
One of her core beliefs is that divorce doesn’t make you a bad parent, it makes you a parent going through a bad time. Because she is passionate about helping parents get through that bad time, Christina also maintains an active coaching practice that allows her to work with Moms and Dads all over the world.
Most recently, Christina launched an online program, Coparenting with Purpose. Designed to provide moms and dads with an easy, convenient way to access critical information, it’s filled with practical tools and solutions for managing the most common coparenting problems.
Additionally, she has contributed to several other media projects as a featured expert, a content consultant, and a writer/producer. Currently, she serves as a consulting producer and subject matter expert for the documentaries SPLIT: A film for kids and their parents and Split UP: The Teen Years, two compelling films that let kids know they’re not alone and normalize the many feelings and experiences children and teens encounter when parents part.
Over the years, she has been featured on television, radio, podcasts, and in print around the US and abroad. A few places you may have seen her are TODAY Parents, the BBC, The Times, and Parents Magazine.
Married for over twenty-seven years, Christina and her husband live outside of Houston, Texas. As a mom of four (two bonus and two bio) children, she has acquired extensive on-the-job training as a chauffeur, negotiator, short-order cook, scheduler extraordinaire, and finder of all things lost. To find out more, check her out at divorceandchildren.com
Resources & Links:Information and links may also be found at: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/episode-211-talking-honestly-with-your-kids-about-their-other-parent Our monthly live Q+A, Coffee Klatch with Kate, is happening next Tuesday, April 11, at 9:30 am Pacific / 12:30 pm Eastern. Register here!Grit & Grace Coaching ProgramPrivate Coaching with Kate Christina’s websiteParenting Apart, Christina McGhee Christina on Facebook Christina on Instagram Christina on LinkedIn Episode 209: Sex Addiction, Cheating, and Betrayal with Dr. Rob Dr. Cocchiola’s Protective Parenting Program
Thank you to our Sponsor: Cozy EarthCozy Earth is the world's foremost source of high-quality, authentic bamboo viscose bed linens. Listeners can enjoy this exclusive offer from Cozy Earth today: Receive 35% off site-wide when you use the code “DSG” at CozyEarth.com! Thanks to our sponsor, Cozy Earth, and thank you, listeners, for supporting this show!
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DISCLAIMER: THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE. YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM.
Rebecca Zung returns to the show to share her expertise on narcissism and negotiation. Rebecca is a Narcissism Negotiation Expert, founder of the SLAY negotiation method, popular YouTuber, and one of the Top 1% of attorneys in the nation.
In this episode, Rebecca sheds light on what it’s like to have a partner who is a narcissist and what happens when you want to get out of the relationship. She also shares valuable advice on dealing with a narcissistic ex who launches a smear campaign about you, describes her SLAY negotiation method, and debunks some myths. This episode contains insightful advice and value for anyone looking to break free from a narcissistic partner or ex-partner.
Featured topics include:
- What it’s like to have a partner who is a narcissist, and what happens when you want to get out of the relationship (3:36)
- When your narcissist ex launches a smear campaign about you: never defend, explain, justify, or overshare (11:09)
- Rebecca busts some myths about narcissists, including “narcissists just want to win.” (24:40)
- How to slay your negotiations with a narcissist (27:43)
- Certain things are negotiable, and certain things are not: what is not negotiable is your self-respect and your value as a human (38:21)
Learn more about Rebecca Zung:
Rebecca Zung is a Narcissism Negotiation Expert, founder of the SLAY negotiation method, popular YouTuber (more than 20 MILLION VIEWS in less than 2 years), and one of the Top 1% of attorneys in the nation, having been recognized by U.S. News & World Report as a “Best Lawyer in America”, as “Legal Elite” by Trend Magazine, and recognized by her peers and the judiciary as AV preeminent rated in family law, the highest possible rating for an attorney by Martindale Hubbell. She is the author of TWO bestselling books, Negotiate Like You M.A.T.T.E.R.: The Sure Fire Method to Step Up and Win (foreword by Robert Shapiro) and Breaking Free: A Step-by-Step Divorce Guide for Achieving Emotional, Physical, and Spiritual Freedom, and is a sought after major media contributor. Her perspectives are in high demand by television and print outlets, as she has been featured in or on Extra, Forbes, Huffington Post, Newsweek, Time, Dr. Drew, NPR Talk Radio, Good Day New York, and CBS Los Angeles among others. Now, she is continuing to serve through her very popular YouTube channel, media appearances, podcast, articles, and on-demand programs such as S.L.A.Y. Your Negotiation™ with a Narcissist, SLAY the Narcissist in Family Court, and Breaking Free™ Divorce Masterclasses.
Resources & Links: Links and information may also be found at: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/episode-210-slay-your-negotiations-with-a-narcissist-with-rebecca-zung/
Register to join Kate on the 2nd Tuesday of Every Month for a Live Q&A SessionGrit & Grace Coaching Program Rebecca’s websitePre-order Rebecca’s upcoming book, Slay the BullyRebecca’s Free Crush My Negotiation WorksheetRebecca on FacebookRebecca on YoutubeRebecca on InstagramRebecca on LinkedinRebecca on TiktokRebecca on Twitter
TODAY’S EPISODE IS SPONSORED BY: THE REVISED SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO? PROGRAM
An online coaching program designed to help you make the right decision about your marriage…once and for all. In this groundbreaking online coaching program, you’ll unlock the support, education and deep transformational work you need to finally answer to your most burning question: should I stay or should I go? DISCLAIMER: THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE. YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM.
Is it sex addiction, or is he just a cheater? Does the distinction even matter? That is just one of the topics I discuss in this episode with my guest, Robert Weiss, Ph.D., LCSW (Dr. Rob). Dr. Rob is the Chief Clinical Officer of Seeking Integrity LLC, which provides online education and residential treatment for sex, porn, and substance/sex-addicted men and their families.
During our conversation, we delve into the differences between sex addiction and love addiction and discuss whether sex addiction is just a fancy name for cheating. We also explore coping with betrayal and how to move forward and restore trust as a couple.
This episode provides a deep and informative conversation about sex addiction and cheating and provides insights for listeners who may be struggling with these issues in their own relationships.
Featured topics include:
- The difference between sex addiction and love addiction (5:18)
- Is sex addiction just a fancy name for cheating? (15:09)
- Coping with betrayal: understanding betrayal trauma and ambivalent love (22:44)
- How to move forward and restore trust as a couple after betrayal (30:20)
- “There is nothing you have ever done that caused this to happen.” (38:42)
- Dr. Rob sounds off about codependence vs. prodependence (39:05)
- The impact on children when a parent cheats or is a sex addict, plus what to say or not to say to a child about their cheating/addicted parent (51:50)
Learn more about Dr. Rob:
Robert Weiss, Ph.D., LCSW is Chief Clinical Officer of Seeking Integrity LLC, with clinical programs that provide online education and residential treatment for sex, porn, and substance/sex-addicted men and their families. A psychotherapist and addiction specialist, he has created six intimacy and addiction treatment programs in the US, Southeast Asia, and the US military. Dr. Weiss is an online host for Digital Addiction on A&E. He has served as a subject-matter expert for numerous major media outlets, including CNN, NPR, and The New York Times, among others. He is the author of eleven books, including Prodependence, Sex Addiction 101, and Out of the Doghouse. His Psychology Today blog, “Love and Sex in the Digital Age,” has over 21 million reads, while his podcast, “Sex, Love, & Addiction,” has over 1.1 million downloads.
Resources & Links: Links and information may also be found at: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/episode-209-sex-addiction-cheating-and-betrayal-with-dr-rob/
Register to join Kate on the 2nd Tuesday of Every Month for a Live Q&A SessionGrit & Grace Coaching ProgramPrivate Coaching with Kate Dr. Rob’s website Dr. Rob on YouTube Dr. Rob on Twitter Dr. Rob on Facebook Dr. Rob on LinkedIn Sex, Love, and Addiction podcast A Light In the Dark (book)
TODAY’S EPISODE IS SPONSORED BY: THE REVISED SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO? PROGRAM
An online coaching program designed to help you make the right decision about your marriage…once and for all. In this groundbreaking online coaching program, you’ll unlock the support, education and deep transformational work you need to finally answer to your most burning question: should I stay or should I go? DISCLAIMER: THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE. YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM.
65-75% of women say they would get divorced if they could, but the fear of post-separation abuse and the court system often prevent them from leaving unequal relationships. And quite frankly, women are fed up, and we have every right to be. Zawn Villines, a feminist activist and writer, joins me for a conversation about misogyny in motherhood and marriage; and how to start advocating for yourself and the women around you. Through her work, Zawn argues that mothers are central to the feminist project and that fathers must participate equally in household and parenting labor. She believes that inequality in marriage is a primary driver of sexism and limits women's lives and futures.
In this episode, Zawn and I talk about the division of labor in a marriage, how to communicate openly about creating a shared partnership early on in your relationship, and what to do if you are in a marriage where your partner isn’t participating in parenting and other responsibilities equally. I am such a fan of Zawn’s work, and in fact, I share it all the time. I am thrilled to have her on the show!
Featured topics include:
- Zawn describes her background as a feminist and how she came to focus on issues of inequality in marriage and motherhood (1:42)
- If you are going to be in a long-term relationship with someone, it should be passionate, romantic, full of love, and also a real partnership (5:02)
- Zawn describes her viral Facebook post about men not contributing enough in heterosexual relationships and the response she received from it (10:17)
- Why it is imperative we create parenting standards that apply to both parents (25:37)
- A bad husband who abuses his partner is not a good dad, plain and simple (26:33)
- Productive conversations about household labor involve acknowledging it is work and stepping up when necessary (37:28)
- Marriage shouldn't feel exhausting from putting in too much work; it should be a happy, fulfilling partnership (43:43)
Learn more about Zawn Villines:
Zawn Villines is a feminist activist and writer who focuses on misogyny in motherhood and marriage. Her work argues that mothers are central to the feminist project, and that fathers must participate equally in household and parenting labor. She believes that inequality in marriage is a primary driver of sexism, and that it limits women's lives and futures. Inequality at home is a form of abuse, and Zawn teaches women to push back on this unacceptable treatment and claim their rightful place in the family, at work, and in their communities.
Her weekly Feminist Advice Friday series advises people about how to live better and more just lives and how to use their relationships as pathways to liberation and joy.
Outside of her activism, Zawn has written full-time about science, medicine, politics, and the law for two decades. She writes a weekly reproductive justice column and runs a nonprofit childbirth justice organization.
She hopes to see more mothers claim the power and dignity of motherhood and end notions of mothers as irrelevant. Mothers are raising the next generation of resistance.
Resources & Links:
Links and information may also be found at: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/episode-208-misogyny-in-motherhood-and-marriage-with-zawn-villines/Register to join Kate on the 2nd Tuesday of Every Month for a Live Q&A Session Retreat with Kate Grit & Grace Coaching Program Subscribe to Zawn’s newsletter! Zawn on Facebook Zawn on Instagram
TODAY’S EPISODE IS SPONSORED BY: THE REVISED SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO? PROGRAM
An online coaching program designed to help you make the right decision about your marriage...once and for all. In this groundbreaking online coaching program, you’ll unlock the support, education and deep transformational work you need to finally answer to your most burning question: should I stay or should I go? DISCLAIMER: THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE. YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM.
Attorney, CDFA, and author Patrick Kilbane joins me to discuss what you need to consider when selecting a divorce attorney. In this episode, we cover some criteria for choosing an attorney, questions to ask during your initial consultation, and what you need to know about your money as you move through divorce.
Patrick is Partner, the General Counsel, and a Wealth Advisor for Ullmann Wealth Partners, headquartered in Jacksonville Beach, FL. Ullmann Wealth Partners is an independent wealth management firm that manages nearly a billion dollars of client assets. Pat has earned the Certified Divorce Financial Analyst designation and has testified as an expert witness in divorce cases over the last ten years. He’s also the author of Move Forward Confidently, a Woman’s Guide to Navigating the High Net Worth Divorce.
Featured topics include:
- The criteria for selecting an attorney that is right for you (3:06)
- Some questions to ask during the initial consultation (10:51)
- The two most important aspects of your divorce case (25:05)
- What you need to know about your money before going into a divorce(30:43)
Learn more about Patrick Kilbane:
Patrick Kilbane is a Partner, the General Counsel, and a Wealth Advisor for Ullmann Wealth Partners, headquartered in Jacksonville Beach, FL. Ullmann Wealth Partners is an independent wealth management firm that manages nearly a billion dollars of client assets in custody at Fidelity. Before joining Ullmann Wealth Partners, Pat was a Shareholder at Gray Robinson, P.A., where he had a thriving specialty litigation practice (mainly high net-worth divorce cases). Pat was recognized multiple times by Florida Trend and Super Lawyers Magazine for his skills and professionalism. Pat has earned the Certified Divorce Financial Analyst designation and has testified as an expert witness in divorce cases over the last 10 years.
Pat serves the Northeast Florida Region in several roles. He’s received five gubernatorial appointments to the Judicial Nominating Commission for Florida’s Fourth Judicial Circuit and the Jacksonville Aviation Authority Board of Directors. His fellow board members elected him Chairman of both boards. Further, Pat is the President of the Jacksonville Lawyers Chapter of the Federalist Society. In 2014-2015, Pat was elected President of the Young Lawyers Section of the Jacksonville Bar Association.
In 2005, Pat received his Juris Doctor degree from the University of Notre Dame. He received his Bachelor of Business Administration degree, summa cum laude, from Adrian College, where he earned the full-ride, merit-based Dawson Scholarship and was named the Outstanding Graduate by faculty vote for the Class of 2002, and is a member of the Board of Trustees.
Resources & Links: Information and links may also be found at: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/episode-207-selecting-the-right-attorney-for-your-divorce-with-patrick-kilbane/
Register to join Kate on the 2nd Tuesday of Every Month for a Live Q&A SessionRetreat with Kate Grit & Grace Coaching Program Join the Should I Stay or Should I Go Facebook Group Ullmann Wealth PartnersPatrick on LinkedIn Patrick on Instagram Move Forward Confidently: A Women’s Guide to Navigating High-Net-Worth Divorce
TODAY’S EPISODE IS SPONSORED BY: THE REVISED SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO? PROGRAM
An online coaching program designed to help you make the right decision about your marriage…once and for all. In this groundbreaking online coaching program, you’ll unlock the support, education and deep transformational work you need to finally answer to your most burning question: should I stay or should I go? DISCLAIMER: THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE. YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM.
This week, special needs consultant, advisor, and mediator Josh Kershenbaum, Esq., joins me to discuss navigating divorce when you have children with special needs. We touch on the challenges divorcing parents of children with disabilities face, the most common pitfalls and how to avoid them, and how to best advocate for your child now and in the future.
Josh Kershenbaum, Esq., is a dedicated Peacemaker with extensive training and experience in both Mediation and Collaborative Law. He earned certifications in both Negotiation and Mediation at Harvard Law School’s Program on Negotiation and trained in Divorce & Family Mediation with mediation luminaries Forrest (“Woody”) Mosten and Susan Guthrie at the Mosten Guthrie Academy, where he is now on the training faculty.
Featured topics include:
- When parents don’t agree about a child’s special needs or one parent disagrees that a child even has special needs or a disability (8:59)
- The family court system is not set up to handle divorce when there are children with special needs (14:17)
- How to advocate for your children’s needs during a high-conflict divorce (18:53)
- The importance of planning for the long-term needs of your children—will they need ongoing care, a special needs trust, or other specific provisions for their unique situation? (28:23)
- “If you can build a flexible divorce agreement, it will serve you and your children well.” (38:01)
- Part of having a child-centered divorce is acknowledging the decisions you make today will have an impact on your children even years after your divorce (43:13)
- There are ways to go through a divorce that keep co-parents in control, such as mediation and collaborative divorce (50:21)
Learn more about Josh Kershenbaum, Esq.
Josh Kershenbaum, Esq., is a dedicated Peacemaker with extensive training and experience in both Mediation and Collaborative Law. He earned certifications in both Negotiation and Mediation at Harvard Law School’s Program on Negotiation and completed additional Mediation training through the CORA/Good Shepherd Mediation Program. Josh trained in Divorce & Family Mediation with mediation luminaries Forrest (“Woody”) Mosten and Susan Guthrie at the Mosten Guthrie Academy, where he is now on the training faculty. He is also a member of the Board of Directors for the Pennsylvania Council of Mediators. Josh has presented at professional conferences across the country, most recently for the International Academy of Collaborative Professionals (IACP), the Academy of Special Needs Planners (ASNP), the Council for Appropriate Dispute Resolution in Education (CADRE), the Council of Parent Attorneys and Advocates (COPAA), as well as for numerous professional and community organizations. He has been a guest on several programs on National Public Radio, and on the popular podcasts, Divorce and Beyond (Susan Guthrie) and Good Law Bad Law (Aaron Freiwald). Josh began his legal career at Montgomery McCracken Walker & Rhoads, LLC in Philadelphia. He went on to found of Pennsylvania’s premier law firms dedicated to representing the legal rights of children with special needs. Josh later served as Senior Counsel for ADR for one of the region’s most well-respected family law firms, before returning to solo-practice as a Mediator and Collaborative divorce professional. He earned his law degree, cum laude, from Temple University’s Beasley School of Law and his B.A., a magna cum laude, from Amherst College. Before practicing law, Josh was a public school teacher in Newton, Massachusetts, and served as a Board member for Greater Boston PFLAG. He lives in Bucks County, Pennsylvania with his family of five humans and three rescue cats.
Resources & Links:
Information and resources may also be found at: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/navigating-divorce-when-you-have-children-with-special-needs-with-josh-kershenbaum-esq/
Register to join the next Coffee Clatch with Kate on March 14th! Grit & Grace Coaching ProgramJosh on LinkedIn Connect with Josh: Jkershenbaum(at)gmail.com
TODAY’S EPISODE IS SPONSORED BY: THE REVISED SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO? PROGRAM
An online coaching program designed to help you make the right decision about your marriage...once and for all. In this groundbreaking online coaching program, you’ll unlock the support, education and deep transformational work you need to finally answer to your most burning question: should I stay or should I go? JOIN THE SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO FACEBOOK GROUP DISCLAIMER: THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE. YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM.
The Merriam-Webster Word of the Year for 2022 was Gaslighting. Last year, the word experienced a 1,740% increase in lookups, yet there is still much to learn—and many myths to bust.
In this episode, fan-favorite Dr. Amelia Kelley returns to discuss healing from gaslighting. Together we shed light on the insidious nature of gaslighting and the importance of healing and self-care.
Dr. Kelley is a trauma-informed therapist who has conducted research on the effects of exercise on adult ADHD symptoms as well as the effects of resiliency on PTSD. She is a trainer, podcaster, and writer in the “science-help” field, focusing on; women's issues, empowering survivors of abuse and relationship trauma, Highly Sensitive Persons, motivation, healthy living, and adult ADHD.
We explore how gaslighting is used to maintain power and control over someone and how it can lead to self-doubt and a lack of confidence. Dr. Kelley shares the steps to overcome and heal from gaslighting and stresses the importance of self-care to self-regulate and fortify yourself against this deceptive form of abuse.
Featured topics include:
- The misconception of gaslighting: what it is and what it isn’t (2:25)
- The effects of gaslighting on a victim’s mental health (4:20)
- Dr. Kelley addresses the question, “Is lying gaslighting?” (10:14)
- You cannot heal from trauma that you are still experiencing (20:08)
- The steps to overcome and heal from gaslighting include becoming aware, getting outside feedback, and boundary setting (21:39)
- What self-care looks like during the healing process (43:17)
- Self-regulation for chronic stress when being emotionally abused (59:40)
Learn more about Dr. Amelia Kelley:
Dr. Amelia Kelley is a trauma-informed therapist who has conducted research on the effects of exercise on adult ADHD symptoms as well as the effects of resiliency on PTSD. She is a trained Hypno-therapist, Art therapist, HSP Therapist, EMDR-informed therapist, meditation teacher, as well as a Certified Yoga instructor integrating therapeutic yoga and psychotherapy. She is a trainer, podcaster and writer in the “science-help” field focusing on; women's issues, empowering survivors of abuse and relationship trauma, Highly Sensitive Persons, motivation, healthy living, and adult ADHD.
Dr. Kelley is an adjunct counseling professor at Yorkville University as well as a nationally recognized relationship expert featured on XM Radio’s Doctor Channel on The Psychiatry Show. She is a coach and trainer for SAS’s Work/Life Program in Cary, NC and a resident trainer for the NC Art Therapy Institute. Her private practice is currently part of the Traumatic Stress Research Consortium at the Kinsey Institute. She is a co-author of What I Wish I Knew: Surviving and Thriving After an Abusive Relationship and a contributing author for the Highly Sensitive Refuge. You can find out more about her work at her website www.ameliakelley.com or by following her on Instagram @drameliakelley.
Resources & Links: Information and resources may also be found at: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/healing-from-gaslighting-with-dr-amelia-kelley/
Register to join Kate on the 2nd Tuesday of Every Month for a Live Q&A SessionRetreat with Kate - Early Bird Pricing Ends 2/28! Grit & Grace Coaching ProgramDr. Kelley’s websiteDr. Kelley on Instagram NYTimes Article about Women and Menopause Heart Disease in Women
TODAY’S EPISODE IS SPONSORED BY: THE REVISED SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO? PROGRAM
An online coaching program designed to help you make the right decision about your marriage...once and for all. In this groundbreaking online coaching program, you’ll unlock the support, education and deep transformational work you need to finally answer to your most burning question: should I stay or should I go? JOIN THE SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO FACEBOOK GROUP
Thinking about keeping the house in your divorce? This week, Tami Wollensak joins me to talk about the things you need to consider when deciding whether or not you should keep the marital home. We explore the importance of understanding your finances and the finances needed to keep (and manage) the home. We also discuss some of the hidden costs associated with keeping the home such as homeowners insurance, getting a home inspection, and more. Tami offers insightful advice that will help you come to a more informed and peaceful decision about your home.
Tami is a Certified Divorce Lending Professional (CDLP™) and Senior Mortgage Loan Originator. She takes a holistic approach to the process of evaluating mortgage options in the context of the overall financial objectives as they relate to divorcing situations prior to settlement for the best outcome for the divorcing homeowners.
Featured topics include:
- Even if you want to keep your house, you may not qualify for a mortgage loan (7:42)
- How a CDLP can help you negotiate to keep your marital home (16:18)
- Keeping the home might not be your best option (17:15)
- Understanding and evaluating the numbers can help you to move forward with a peaceful decision (22:19)
- You have to be the CFO of your divorce (24:13)
- Why your credit and obtaining your credit report is critical (33:24)
- Some of the things you may not have considered about keeping the home like ongoing maintenance, getting a home inspection, and homeowners’ insurance (37:00)
Learn more about Tami Wollensak:
Tami Wollensak is a licensed mortgage loan originator and a 25+ year veteran of the industry, she has experience working in multiple roles and facets of the industry. She has discovered her true passion in helping divorcing individuals navigate their home equity solutions while going through the most challenging time of their life.
Tami has earned the certification as a Certified Divorce Lending Professional (CDLP™). This specialization provides her the ability to identify potential gaps in the agreement that cannot be met during the mortgage process. Tami works with her client’s attorney, mediator, or financial advisor to help guide them through all the options available to ensure a successful outcome regarding the divorcing couple’s real estate.
As a Mortgage Loan Originator, Tami’s (NMLS #1963450) goal is to educate her clients, take the mystery and anxiety out of the mortgage process, and provide a sense of security and peace to each of them. Oak Leaf Community Mortgage is a division of Mutual Federal Bank, Equal Housing Lender, and FDIC insured.
Resources & Links:
Links and information may also be found at: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/take-or-leave-the-house-with-tami-wollensak/
Register to join Kate on the 2nd Tuesday of Every Month for a Live Q&A Session!Tami’s website Tami on Facebook Tami on LinkedIn Tami on Instagram Book a Meeting with Tami
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DISCLAIMER: THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE. YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM
TODAY’S EPISODE IS SPONSORED BY: WORTHY The Divorce Survival Guide podcast is sponsored by Worthy.
Worthy helps you get the most money possible for your diamond jewelry or luxury watch, fast and risk-free. Their experts do all the work for you, and their competitive auctions get you up to 3X what a local jeweler might offer in as little as 2 weeks.
With Worthy, you’re in control from start to finish. If your item doesn’t sell for the price you want, Worthy sends it back to you at no cost, fully insured.
And now for a limited time, you’ll get an extra $100 when your jewelry sells for over $1,500. All you have to do is register at https://worthy.com/dsg-podcast. (See website for terms.)
JOIN THE SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO FACEBOOK GROUP
Today I welcome back Dr. Christine Cocchiola to discuss the importance of talking and educating about coercive control, domestic violence, and other abuses (legal, financial, and so on) to better understand, identify, and ultimately advocate for yourself, your children, or loved ones in family court.
Dr. Christine Marie Cocchiola, DSW, LCSW is a Coercive Control Advocate, Educator, Researcher & Survivor. She is a full-time college professor teaching social work for the last 20 years in CT and also an adjunct instructor at NYU.
Featured topics include:
- Coercive control can happen in any relationship or any environment (4:08)
- Most domestic violence is based on power and control (6:59)
- The lack of ratification of The Equal Rights Amendment and its effect on women - such as the fact that women cannot sue for violation of their rights (18:23)
- How to litigate within a family court system that is stacked against you (26:47)
- Why it is important to think like the abuser as well as be two steps ahead when going into a courtroom (33:44)
- Divorce attorneys need to understand and be attuned to the difference between victims and perpetrators (40:29)
Learn more about Dr. Christine Cocchiola:
Dr. Christine Marie Cocchiola, DSW, LCSW is a Coercive Control Advocate, Educator, Researcher & Survivor. She is a full-time college professor teaching social work for the last 20 years in CT and also an adjunct instructor at NYU. Her expertise is in the areas of coercive control and the traumatic experiences of both adult and child victims, developing and presenting workshops on these topics both nationally and internationally. Christine, a Board Member of the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence, has supported policy codifying coercive control and has a small private practice, primarily serving victims and survivors of coercive control. She is the creator of the Protective Parenting Program, supporting protective mothers on their journey toward healing their children.
Resources & Links: Information may also be found at http://www.kateanthony.com/podcast/empowering-victims-to-have-a-voice-with-dr-christine-cocchiola
Grit & Grace Coaching Program Dr. Cocchiola’s website Dr. Cocchiola on Instagram Dr. Cocchiola on Facebook Dr. Cocchiola on Twitter Dr. Cocchiola on LinkedIn Dr. Cocchiola’s past episode on Coercive Control
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DISCLAIMER: THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE. YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM.
TODAY’S EPISODE IS SPONSORED BY: WORTHY The Divorce Survival Guide podcast is sponsored by Worthy.
Worthy helps you get the most money possible for your diamond jewelry or luxury watch, fast and risk-free. Their experts do all the work for you, and their competitive auctions get you up to 3X what a local jeweler might offer in as little as 2 weeks.
With Worthy, you’re in control from start to finish. If your item doesn’t sell for the price you want, Worthy sends it back to you at no cost, fully insured.
And now for a limited time, you’ll get an extra $100 when your jewelry sells for over $1,500. All you have to do is register at https://worthy.com/dsg-podcast. (See website for terms.)
JOIN THE SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO FACEBOOK GROUP
This episode is going to change your life. Chris Rackliffe joins me for a profound conversation about anxious attachment and the three components of healing. We also discuss shame, the fear of abandonment, and how to break the cycle of attachment. It’s truly an inspiring conversation.
Chris Rackliffe is a personal development writer and anxious attachment style coach, whose ability to paint with words has touched the lives of millions of people around the world. Rackliffe shares stories that cut straight to the heart, detailing his own heartfelt and harrowing experiences to help others lead happier, healthier, more fulfilling lives. In his books and blogs, keynotes, and coaching sessions, Rackliffe blends principles of psychology, philosophy, physics, and spirituality with his signature storytelling aimed to make you feel and heal.
Featured topics include:
- The difference between independence and interdependence in a relationship. (8:22)
- Anxious attachment: what it is and how it shows up in relationships. (9:03)
- You are not broken and don’t require fixing. You need love, support, and encouragement. You do not need to beat yourself up any longer. (25:38)
- Shame is the fear of being unworthy, a fear of being too much or not good enough. (26:30)
- You need people who get you, see you, and respect you. If you have to start with a professional, that’s okay. Start somewhere. (32:48)
- Self-care should be replenishing and rejuvenating your full system: mind, body, and spirit. (35:29)
- How the fear of abandonment can be a self-fulfilling prophecy. (43:56)
Learn more about Chris Rackliffe:
Chris Rackliffe, or @crackliffe, as he is fondly known by friends and readers alike, is a trauma survivor, mental health advocate, anxious attachment style coach, and author of the self-help book, It’s Good to See Me Again: How to Find Your Way When You Feel Lost—an illuminating guidebook on the journey to find emotional healing.
Throughout his extensive career, he has engaged millions of people around the globe as head of social media for some of the best-known magazines in the world, including Entertainment Weekly, Men’s Health, PEOPLE, and more. Chris spent the last decade helping these brands connect with their readers; now, he's using the skills he learned for the good of humanity, helping to spread messages of acceptance, healing, and growth through his books, talks, newsletters, and TikTok community of nearly 100,000 strong.
A sought-after adviser, instructor, and motivational speaker, Chris was named one of 40 Under 40 Brand Marketers in New York in 2018 by Brand Innovators and was also highlighted in the 2015 Folio: 100 as a key figure helping to shape the future of media.
With a B.S. in Psychology from the University of Miami—and an honorary Ph.D. in the “School of Life”—Chris paints with words, telling first-person stories that cut straight to the heart. Chris has made it his sole purpose to help others find peace, perspective, and power through their struggles. You can read his work on Medium, Thrive Global, TIME, Women’s Health, and beyond.
Resources & Links:
Information may also be found at: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/anxious-attachment-and-how-to-heal-with-chris-rackliffe
Retreat with Kate Chris’ website Chris on Facebook Chris on Instagram Chris on TikTok Chris on YouTube
DISCLAIMER: THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE. YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM.
TODAY’S EPISODE IS SPONSORED BY: WORTHY The Divorce Survival Guide podcast is sponsored by Worthy.
Worthy helps you get the most money possible for your diamond jewelry or luxury watch, fast and risk-free. Their experts do all the work for you, and their competitive auctions get you up to 3X what a local jeweler might offer in as little as 2 weeks.
With Worthy, you’re in control from start to finish. If your item doesn’t sell for the price you want, Worthy sends it back to you at no cost, fully insured.
And now for a limited time you’ll get an extra $100 when your jewelry sells for over $1,500. All you have to do is register at https://worthy.com/dsg-podcast. (See website for terms.)
JOIN THE SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO FACEBOOK GROUP
Lora Cheadle has overcome the devastation of betrayal after learning about her husband’s fifteen-year-long infidelity. In this episode, she joins me to share her story including how she helps women reclaim their identity, self-worth, agency, and enthusiasm for life after betrayal.
Lora is a former attorney, podcast host, TEDx speaker, and award-winning author of FLAUNT! Drop Your Cover and Reveal your Smart, Sexy, & Spiritual Self. This is definitely a must-listen episode, not only to hear about how Lora overcame her heartbreak but also for an amazing plot twist to her story! It’s an inspiring conversation.
Featured topics include:
- Lora recollects her story of betrayal and how she was able to finally understand she didn’t cause it or deserve it. (2:33)
- As her relationship was cracking, Lora shares how she had to stand in integrity and still show up as a parent to her children. (16:35)
- It’s not your job to deal with a partner’s trauma, however, it is important to understand what trauma does to a person and how it can cause them to react and relate. (18:39)
- It’s not what you try to do to heal them, it’s what they do. (21:00)
- The importance of disclosures in affair recovery. (22:26)
- The only person that gets to say when trust is restored is the person who was betrayed. (26:21)
- Ask yourself these questions: “Who am I and what do I want? What do I deserve? What am I not going to tolerate anymore?” (27:25)
- The acronym FLAUNT: Find your fetish, laugh out loud, accept unconditionally, navigate, and trust in your truths. (29:54)
Learn more about Lora Cheadle:
An attorney, TEDx speaker, and betrayal recovery coach, Lora Cheadle helps women overcome the devastation of betrayal and confidently engage in life again. After being shattered by her husband’s fifteen years of infidelity, she uses her experience to help others reclaim their identity, self-worth, agency, and enthusiasm for life after betrayal, whether that betrayal is from their body, life, or someone that they love.
Lora is the creator of the Life Choreography® betrayal-recovery process and leads both FLAUNT! and Step into Your Moxie® workshops and training that help participants reclaim their identity, own their worth, and speak up for what they want.
She is the author of the award-winning book, "FLAUNT! Drop Your Cover and Reveal Your Smart, Sexy and Spiritual Self" and has written for Elephant Journal, Om Yoga Journal, Yoga Magazine, Thrive Global, Aspire Magazine, and The Girlfriend.
Named an Exceptional Woman of Excellence by the Women Economic Forum in India in 2019, she was the plenary speaker on "Reclaiming Voice With Validation" as well as a breakout workshop leader and presenter. She has spoken at DisruptHR, for IPMA-HR, SHRM, Alexia Vernon Empowerment, SecondAct Woman, American Association of Healers, Optimist and Rotary International. She is the host of the top-rated radio show and podcast, “FLAUNT! Find Your Sparkle and Create a Life You Love After Infidelity and Betrayal.”
Resources & Links: Information and resources may also be found at: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/life-after-betrayal-with-lora-cheadle/ Retreat with Kate Lora’s website Lora on Facebook Lora on YouTube Lora on Instagram Lora on LinkedIn Download your "Sparkle after Betrayal Recovery Guide
DISCLAIMER: THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE. YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM.
TODAY’S EPISODE IS SPONSORED BY: WORTHY The Divorce Survival Guide podcast is sponsored by Worthy.
Worthy helps you get the most money possible for your diamond jewelry or luxury watch, fast and risk-free. Their experts do all the work for you, and their competitive auctions get you up to 3X what a local jeweler might offer in as little as 2 weeks.
With Worthy, you’re in control from start to finish. If your item doesn’t sell for the price you want, Worthy sends it back to you at no cost, fully insured.
And now for a limited time you’ll get an extra $100 when your jewelry sells for over $1,500. All you have to do is register at https://worthy.com/dsg-podcast. (See website for terms.)
JOIN THE SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO FACEBOOK GROUP
Today, we're going to be talking about something called Mental Emotional Release (MER) with guest Rich Heller. The MER technique helps to release triggers or emotional patterns, thereby leading us on a path toward healing. Divorce is an emotionally charged time, so I thought this might be an interesting topic to share with listeners.
Rich is a Relationship Fitness Coach and mediator. He helps parents transform a negative relationship with conflict into one in which they resolve differences creatively. He helps them learn the tools and techniques needed to increase joy and resilience for themselves and their children. Rich is also an MER facilitator. MER is fascinating and Rich describes it in-depth, in this episode.
Featured topics include:
- When you’re getting divorced triggers are really expensive (5:01)
- How MER helps the unconscious mind release emotional triggers (16:42)
- We geek out on brain facts like how our unconscious mind does not know the difference between what we imagine versus what is real (18:39)
Learn more about Rich Heller:
Rich is a Relationship Fitness Coach and mediator. Rich helps parents to transform a negative relationship with conflict into one in which they resolve differences creatively. He helps them learn the tools and techniques needed to increase joy and resilience for themselves and their children.
Additionally Rich helps organizations and businesses transform destructive conflict into a vehicle for change and innovation.
He went to Vassar College for his BA and Hunter School of Social Work for his MA. He is a trained mediator and parent coordinator, Professional Certified Coach, and an ELI Master Practitioner.
No stranger to conflict. Rich Heller grew up in NYC, is a child of divorce, has been divorced, and successfully remarried. He and his partner Katherine have been married for over 20 years and launched five children into the world.
Resources & Links:
Information and links can also be found at: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/the-mental-emotional-release-technique-with-rich-heller
Retreat with Kate Rich’s website Rich on Youtube Rich on Facebook Rich on Instagram
TODAY’S EPISODE IS SPONSORED BY: WORTHY The Divorce Survival Guide podcast is sponsored by Worthy.
Worthy helps you get the most money possible for your diamond jewelry or luxury watch, fast and risk-free. Their experts do all the work for you, and their competitive auctions get you up to 3X what a local jeweler might offer in as little as 2 weeks.
With Worthy, you’re in control from start to finish. If your item doesn’t sell for the price you want, Worthy sends it back to you at no cost, fully insured.
And now for a limited time you’ll get an extra $100 when your jewelry sells for over $1,500. All you have to do is register at https://worthy.com/dsg-podcast. (See website for terms.)
JOIN THE SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO FACEBOOK GROUP
This week I welcome Dr. Tom Murray for a conversation about the difference between discernment counseling and couples therapy. Dr. Tom is an author, international trainer, educator, and couples and sex-therapist supervisor. He is also a sought-after expert in sexuality and intimate relationships. In this episode, we get to the root of why couples therapy does not work in the traditional sense, and how discernment counseling might be a better option for you and your partner. This is a wonderful and insightful discussion for all who listen.
Featured topics include:
- Discernment counseling: what it is and how it can help couples make a decision about what’s next for them (4:07)
- The difference between couples therapy and discernment counseling (6:42)
- The three paths of discernment counseling: status quo, divorce, or couples therapy (7:34)
- If there is domestic violence in a relationship, discernment counseling is not appropriate (9:10)
- Agenda versus Love: “When I want you to be as I want you to be, that’s an agenda. When I want you to be as you want to be, that’s love.” Even in the presence of love, however, you don’t have to stay married. (18:00)
- Why Dr. Tom says, “Rather than focus on the assumption that therapy is the catalyst for the change, focus on the change you want to see.” (22:21)
Learn more about Dr. Tom Murray:
Dr. Tom Murray, an international trainer, educator, and couples and sex therapist, is a widely sought-after expert in sexuality and intimate relationships. He authored the 2022 book, Making Nice with Naughty: An intimacy guide for the rule-following, organized, perfectionist, practical, and color-within-the-line types.
For 20+ years, Murray has worked with everyday folks to embrace their weirdness, shed labels and shame, lean into anxiety, and build better and stronger relationships.
Murray’s doctorate is in marriage and family counseling from the University of Florida. Clinically, he combines a pull-no-punches, no-beating-around-the-bush style. His integrated therapy approach has helped folks quiet the mind-chatter that interferes with happiness, intimacy, and quality sexual relationships.
Dr. Murray has appeared in numerous venues, including the Huffington Post and The Daily Mail, as well as radio, television and podcasts, including the Practice of Being Seen and Shrink Rap Radio. He’s a highly acclaimed presenter at local, regional, and national conferences on various mental health and relationship topics. Dr. Murray has published numerous articles in professional journals and has had faculty affiliations with UNC Greensboro, Walden University, Lindsey Wilson College, Northwestern University’s Family Institute, the Modern Sex Therapy Institute, and Adler University.
In addition to his couples and sex therapy practice, Dr. Murray is passionate about Highly Sensitive Persons, artists, actors, dancers, musicians, and other creative types. With nearly a decade of experience as the director of a counseling center for one of the premier art conservatories in the nation, Dr. Murray integrates knowledge from business, positive psychology, sports psychology, mindfulness, and performance optimization to manifest creative aspirations.
Dr. Murray lives in Greensboro, NC, along with his two sons. In addition to his strong passion for sex-positive, clinical practice, and advocacy, Dr. Murray enjoys writing jokes, taking comedy improv courses, cooking and baking, singing, and participating in his faith community.
Resources & Links: Grit & Grace Dr. Tom Murray’s websiteDr. Tom’s book
TODAY’S EPISODE IS SPONSORED BY: WORTHY The Divorce Survival Guide podcast is sponsored by Worthy.
Worthy helps you get the most money possible for your diamond jewelry or luxury watch, fast and risk-free. Their experts do all the work for you, and their competitive auctions get you up to 3X what a local jeweler might offer in as little as 2 weeks.
With Worthy, you’re in control from start to finish. If your item doesn’t sell for the price you want, Worthy sends it back to you at no cost, fully insured.
And now for a limited time you’ll get an extra $100 when your jewelry sells for over $1,500. All you have to do is register at https://worthy.com/dsg-podcast. (See website for terms.)
JOIN THE SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO FACEBOOK GROUP
Dawn Dais, author of The Sh!t No One Tells You… series joins me on the podcast to talk about the things nobody tells you about divorce. Her most recent book The Shit No One Tells You About Divorce takes readers along on her bumpy, meandering, and often absurd journey through the destruction of life exploded by divorce as she tries to figure out what happened… and what happens next. In this episode, Dawn shares her divorce journey, her experience writing her latest book, and some of the lessons she’s learned along the way.
Featured topics include:
- You have to process your thoughts and feelings about divorce eventually, otherwise, it all catches up with you and impacts future relationships
- Dawn takes us through what she calls the seven stages of divorce: Denial, Glee/Booze, The Blame Game, Netflix and Cry, All the Therapy, The Hoe Phase, and The Shrug
- The biggest lesson of Dawn’s divorce, as a co-parent, was “I can’t be done with this person. We have to come back to the table and redefine how we are to each other; for our kids.”
- You are going to walk away from a divorce with different narratives and you have no control over what their narrative is.
- Dawn answers, “Do you feel there are different dynamics with parenting, relationships, and divorce coming from the perspective of LGBTQ+ couples?”
Learn more about Dawn:
Dawn Dais knows all about life’s rollercoasters; in fact, she’s made a career of writing bestselling books about them. Whether she was going from couch potato to marathoner, navigating pregnancy, or tackling parenting, her books have become go-to guides for honest, been-there-done-that wisdom delivered with wicked humor. But what do you do when life blindsides you with a challenge that is decidedly less entertaining?
After 12 years of domestic partnership, five properties, two children, and 10 pets, Dawn and her partner decided to call it quits. In THE SH!T NO ONE TELLS YOU ABOUT DIVORCE: A Guide to Breaking Up, Falling Apart, and Putting Yourself Back Together, Dawn takes readers on her bumpy journey through a life exploded by divorce. She dodges legal hurdles, irrational decisions, alarmed therapists, random hobbies, and a concerning number of dating app profiles that look like the beginning of a true crime podcast. Leaning into the mess, Dawn helps readers learn the art of embracing “Netflix and cry,” the healing power of profanity, the importance of assembling the right support squad, how to survive the sh!tshow of co-parenting, and much more.
THE SH!T NO ONE TELLS YOU ABOUT DIVORCE is a true-to-life and funnier-than-it-should-be guide that helps readers navigate a life blown apart and embrace the unique opportunity to put things back together in better ways.
Resources & Links:
Information and links may also be found at: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/the-sht-they-dont-tell-you-about-divorce-with-dawn-dais/ Private Coaching with KateDawn’s websiteDawn’s book: The Sh!t No One Tells You About DivorceDawn on Twitter Dawn on Instagram
TODAY’S EPISODE IS SPONSORED BY: WORTHY The Divorce Survival Guide podcast is sponsored by Worthy.
Worthy helps you get the most money possible for your diamond jewelry or luxury watch, fast and risk-free. Their experts do all the work for you, and their competitive auctions get you up to 3X what a local jeweler might offer in as little as 2 weeks.
With Worthy, you’re in control from start to finish. If your item doesn’t sell for the price you want, Worthy sends it back to you at no cost, fully insured.
And now for a limited time you’ll get an extra $100 when your jewelry sells for over $1,500. All you have to do is register at https://worthy.com/dsg-podcast. (See website for terms.)
TODAY’S EPISODE IS SPONSORED BY: SOBERLINK Proof. Protection. Peace of Mind. The Soberlink remote alcohol monitoring system consists of a portable breathalyzer with wireless technology for real-time results. With proven use as the leading choice in child custody cases since 2011, we are the only system that combines:
- Court admissibility in all 50 states
- Facial recognition
- Tamper detection
- Easy-to-read Advanced Reporting™
Trust the Experts in Remote Alcohol Monitoring Technology™ to support the best interests of the hild in your Family Law cases.
JOIN THE SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO FACEBOOK GROUP
I am back this week with another Q&A-style episode. Full disclosure, I didn't have a podcast episode prepared for this week because I’d been sick and had to keep canceling interviews, but I had an Ask Me Anything (AMA) scheduled for my Facebook group, so I thought it would be fun to share the recording of that on the podcast this week.
In this episode, I answer questions related to co-parenting with an abusive ex, tackling feelings of guilt or anxiety, falling out of love, being triggered in new relationships, and address this really beautiful one, “I just want to know that the children will be okay.”
There were so many amazing questions asked and I am so thankful to all of the amazing women who showed up for the live recording. At the end of the day the most important thing is that you show up to do the work, and for your kids. When you do that, then yes, the children will be okay. I hope you enjoy this episode!
Links: Resources and information may also be found at: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/ask-me-anything Kate’s coaching, programs, and courses:Grit & GraceThe Divorce Survival ProgramShould I Stay or Should I Go?Tackling Codependence
Podcast episodes:Healing from Betrayal with Gilza Fort Martinez, LMFTPost-Betrayal Transformation With Dr. Debi SilberProtective Parenting with Dr. Christine CocchiolaCouples Therapy and Abuse with Annette Oltmans
Blog posts:Living Together While Separated? Here’s How To Take Back Control Of Your Life
Books:Facing Codependence, Pia MellodyParenting Apart, Christina McGhee
Other resources referenced:Marriage Recovery CenterChristina McGhee The M3ND Project
TODAY’S EPISODE IS SPONSORED BY: WORTHY
The Divorce Survival Guide podcast is sponsored by Worthy.
Worthy helps you get the most money possible for your diamond jewelry or luxury watch, fast and risk-free. Their experts do all the work for you, and their competitive auctions get you up to 3X what a local jeweler might offer in as little as 2 weeks.
With Worthy, you’re in control from start to finish. If your item doesn’t sell for the price you want, Worthy sends it back to you at no cost, fully insured.
And now for a limited time, you’ll get an extra $100 when your jewelry sells for over $1,500. All you have to do is register at https://worthy.com/dsg-podcast. (See website for terms.)
JOIN THE SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO FACEBOOK GROUP
I am back with a new episode this week and it is a listener Q&A! You’ve submitted your questions and stories on topics such as co-parenting, how to make hard decisions about divorce, and how to survive financially, especially if you can’t afford to leave your marriage. Tune into this episode to hear my answers to these questions and more.
In this episode, I answer these listener questions:
- My partner and I have had a separation conversation with our children. We’ve separated and now we're moving on to the divorce process. When do we tell our children about the divorce?
- How can I create healthy boundaries and life for myself, when my ex-husband and I have a young child together?
- I cannot afford to leave and am overwhelmed with things like car maintenance, home maintenance, and repairs. How can I survive financially?
- Should I move back to my home country with my two kids where I have a support system or stay in the country where their life is and their father is, but where I'm alone?
- How do I cope with the number of decisions I must make while going through a divorce - such as what lawyer to hire, what to do with the family home, and what custody schedule to follow?
Links:Desha Kennedy on Instagram @thebrokeblackgirl
TODAY’S EPISODE IS SPONSORED BY: WORTHY
The Divorce Survival Guide podcast is sponsored by Worthy.
Worthy helps you get the most money possible for your diamond jewelry or luxury watch, fast and risk-free. Their experts do all the work for you, and their competitive auctions get you up to 3X what a local jeweler might offer in as little as 2 weeks.
With Worthy, you’re in control from start to finish. If your item doesn’t sell for the price you want, Worthy sends it back to you at no cost, fully insured.
And now for a limited time, you’ll get an extra $100 when your jewelry sells for over $1,500. All you have to do is register at https://worthy.com/dsg-podcast. (See website for terms.)
JOIN THE SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO FACEBOOK GROUP
This week I am re-sharing my episode featuring Michelle Dempsey-Multack which was all about how to survive the holidays pre- or post-divorce. If this is your first Christmas alone or last holiday as a single-family unit, this episode will offer advice about how to create new holiday traditions, how to set boundaries, and how to take care of yourself during this highly emotional and uncertain time in your life.
Michelle is a writer, coach, Certified Divorce Specialist (CDS®), and host of the Moms Moving On Podcast. As a divorced, co-parenting, and remarried mother, nothing makes Michelle happier than being able to guide other women as they move on through the divorce process, and helping them turn their divorce lemons into lemonade – just like she did. A native New Yorker, Michelle now resides in Miami with her husband, Spencer, and each of their daughters, Bella and Jolie.
Resources & Links:Links and information may also be found at: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/episode-spotlight-surviving-the-holidays-with-michelle-dempsey-multack
Michelle’s website
Michelle on Instagram
Michelle on Facebook
Mom’s Moving On Podcast
TODAY’S EPISODE IS SPONSORED BY: WORTHY
The Divorce Survival Guide podcast is sponsored by Worthy.
Worthy helps you get the most money possible for your diamond jewelry or luxury watch, fast and risk-free. Their experts do all the work for you, and their competitive auctions get you up to 3X what a local jeweler might offer in as little as 2 weeks.
With Worthy, you’re in control from start to finish. If your item doesn’t sell for the price you want, Worthy sends it back to you at no cost, fully insured.
And now for a limited time, you’ll get an extra $100 when your jewelry sells for over $1,500. All you have to do is register at https://worthy.com/dsg-podcast. (See website for terms.)
JOIN THE SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO FACEBOOK GROUP
This week I welcome love coach Shaun Galanos to the show. Together we discuss communication tools for better relationships, modern dating, and love. Shaun is also the host of The Love Drive podcast and an online course creator.
If you are divorced and thinking about dating - this episode is an invitation to strive for more open communication in new relationships. Every conversation is an opportunity to learn more about yourself and those around you.
Show Highlights:
- Why communication in relationships feels hard or scary (3:42)
- Modern dating and getting back out there (8:04)
- We all need external validation, but it does not have to come from a new romantic partner (16:28)
- Red flags and triggers: how to evaluate red flags and what to do about relationship triggers (20:12)
- What does fear of intimacy actually mean? (29:31)
- Sex and dating: the best guideline is “Do I want to and do they want to?” (41:44)
Learn more about Shaun:
Shaun Galanos is a love coach, host of The Love Drive podcast, and an online course creator. He teaches intimacy and communication tools for better relationships and more love.
He holds certifications in Personal and Professional Coaching from Concordia University, Rape Crisis Counseling from BAWAR in Oakland, CA, and a Bachelor’s Degree in Interpersonal Communication from UC Santa Barbara.
When he’s not teaching courses on intimacy and communication or recording his podcast, he’s continuing to learn about love, working on this relationship with his partner, and building community in Montreal.
Resources & Links:Links and information can also be found at: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/communication-for-better-relationships-and-love-with-shaun-galanos/
Submit your questions to be answered on a future episode
Grit and Grace Group Coaching is Open – Join us!
Shaun's website
Shaun on Instagram
Shaun on TikTok
Shaun on Facebook
Shaun on YouTube
TODAY’S EPISODE IS SPONSORED BY:
THE REVISED SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO? PROGRAM
An online coaching program designed to help you make the right decision about your marriage...once and for all. In this groundbreaking online coaching program, you’ll unlock the support, education and deep transformational work you need to finally answer to your most burning question: should I stay or should I go?
JOIN THE SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO FACEBOOK GROUP
Adam Dodge and Adriane Nada join me for a conversation about how to empower your children to make good decisions online. Kids today understand how to use technology, but that does not mean they know how to do it safely. The internet was not built for children, but that’s where they are growing up. Adam and Adriane created The Tech-Savvy Parent online course to keep parents informed and their kids safe. In this episode, they share some ways parents can lay the groundwork for having safe interactions in an online world.
Adam Dodge is an internationally recognized digital safety expert and a parent. You may have heard him on the podcast when he joined me to talk about how to protect yourself from digital abuse. Adriane Nada is Professor, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, Licensed Clinical Professional Counselor, and a parent too.
Show Highlights
- Adam and Adriane explain what they mean by “kids' lives have gone digital, but parenting has not.” (5:05)
- How to be more involved in a child’s digital life and keep the conversation open (15:17)
- Why we need to expand conversations about strangers from the physical world to the online world. Online harm is as serious as offline harm. (17:35)
- How to teach kids empathy and consent in ways that will be effective during online interactions (27:51)
Learn more about Adam and Adriane:
Adam Dodge, Esq., is a Digital Safety Expert and Founder of EndTAB.org. The founder of EndTAB, Adam is an internationally recognized digital safety expert who believes you do not have to be a tech expert to stay safe in the digital age. His work is characterized by his dedication to preventing and addressing the ways adults and children are harmed online and via their devices. He has written and presented extensively on digital safety, online abuse prevention, technology-enabled abuse, and co-authored the first safety advisory on the emerging threat of ‘deepfakes.’ His work and expertise has been featured on CBS and in Vogue, the MIT Technology Review, Washington Post, NBC News, the Verge, Mashable, Wall Street Journal, SELF Magazine, Los Angeles Times, GQ, HuffPost and others. Adam is a licensed attorney in California and prior to founding EndTAB, he spent 9 years leading the legal department at Southern California Domestic Violence Nonprofit.
Adriane Nada MS, LMFT, LPCC is a licensed marriage and family therapist and licensed professional clinical counselor living in Portland, Oregon. Nada is certified in eye movement desensitization and reprocessing therapy. As a clinician in private practice, Nada specializes in healing childhood trauma and anxiety. She believes profound and lasting change emerges through the use of client-centered and holistic methods, integrating traditional psychotherapy theories and practice with mind-body approaches. As an adjunct professor of psychology at Pepperdine University, her class instruction has included the following courses: Clinical Interventions for Children and Adolescents; Individual Techniques in Counseling and Psychotherapy; and Couple and Family Therapy.
Resources & Links:Links and information may also be found at: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/keeping-your-kids-safe-online-with-adam-dodge-and-adriane-nada/
The Tech-Savvy Parent
How to Protect Yourself From Digital Abuse with Adam Dodge
Gabb Cell Phone
TODAY’S EPISODE IS SPONSORED BY: SOBERLINK Proof. Protection. Peace of Mind.
The Soberlink remote alcohol monitoring system consists of a portable breathalyzer with wireless technology for real-time results. With proven use as the leading choice in child custody cases since 2011, we are the only system that combines:
- Court admissibility in all 50 states
- Facial recognition
- Tamper detection
- Easy-to-read Advanced Reporting™
Trust the Experts in Remote Alcohol Monitoring Technology™ to support the best interests of the hild in your Family Law cases.
JOIN THE SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO FACEBOOK GROUP
Dr. Christine Cocchiola returns to the show to talk about coercive control and its impact on children. Dr. Cocchiola’s goal, and the goal of this episode, is to help you create a more secure environment for your child. Divorcing an abuser is hard, but while you are going through this really tumultuous time, you can still show your children a path to freedom. Yes, it’s hard work. Perhaps it’s the hardest work you will ever do, but you can reignite the attachment you have always had with your child and be their saving grace too.
Dr. Christine Marie Cocchiola, DSW, LCSW is a Coercive Control Advocate, Educator, Researcher & Survivor. She is a full-time college professor teaching social work for the last 20 years in CT and also an adjunct instructor at NYU. Her expertise is in the areas of coercive control and the traumatic experiences of both adult and child victims, developing and presenting workshops on these topics both nationally and internationally.
Show Highlights
- Coercive control is a pattern of behavior and it can be covert or overt. It is when one person wants to retain power and control over another (4:55)
- Coercive control is the foundation of most domestic abuse (5:17)
- If your spouse is abusing you, your child is a victim of abuse too. Children learn how to regulate their behavior to appease an abusive parent. (11:50)
- You have to be actively working to create a strong foundation so your child clearly knows you are the calm and safe parent (27:21)
- Abuse is a choice, and there is no excuse for it (41:26)
- Dr. Cocchiola answers, “Do coercive controllers have the ability to love their children?” (43:44)
Learn more about Christine:
Dr. Christine Marie Cocchiola, DSW, LCSW is a Coercive Control Advocate, Educator, Researcher & Survivor. She is a full-time college professor teaching social work for the last 20 years in CT and also an adjunct instructor at NYU. Her expertise is in the areas of coercive control and the traumatic experiences of both adult and child victims, developing and presenting workshops on these topics both nationally and internationally. Christine, a Board Member of the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence, has supported policy codifying coercive control and has a small private practice, primarily serving victims and survivors of coercive control. She is the creator of the Protective Parenting Program, supporting protective mothers on their journey toward healing their children.
Resources & Links:
Information and resources may also be found at:
https://kateanthony.com/podcast/protective-parenting-with-dr-christine-cocchiolaDr. Cocchiola’s website
Dr. Cocchiola on Instagram
Dr. Cocchiola on Facebook
Dr. Cocchiola on Twitter
Dr. Cocchiola on LinkedIn
Dr. Cocchiola’s past episode on Coercive Control
The Protective Parenting Program
Surviving the Holidays with Michelle Dempsey-Multack
Co-parenting During the Holidays, During a Pandemic with Michelle Dempsey-Multack
TODAY’S EPISODE IS SPONSORED BY:
THE REVISED SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO? PROGRAM
An online coaching program designed to help you make the right decision about your marriage...once and for all. In this groundbreaking online coaching program, you’ll unlock the support, education and deep transformational work you need to finally answer to your most burning question: should I stay or should I go?
JOIN THE SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO FACEBOOK GROUP
Liz Bailey joins me this week to share her experience leaving an abusive marriage and how that drives her passion for helping women rise up, thrive, and take action steps to move forward before, during, or after divorce.
For listeners who feel they are never going to be on the other side of their divorce, Liz’s story is a testament that there is “the other side,” and that you can get there too—with planned action. Listen in to hear my candid conversation with Liz about her journey thus far, and what she’s learned along the way.
Show Highlights
- There are milestones in the divorce process that help you feel closer and closer to getting out (7:25)
- Abusive behaviors in people do not often change - fundamental values must shift which takes a lot of time and work (years worth). Short-term therapy is not the answer. (15:46)
- How Liz decided she was ready to leave her abusive relationship and the steps she took to plan her exit, safely (19:38)
- Your risk of domestic homicide greatly increases when you say you are going to leave. This is why it is imperative to plan and seek resources from domestic violence advocates (19:54)
- Why hiring a trauma-informed family lawyer is so important for abuse victims (28:00)
- Domestic Violence Shelters offer a wide variety of resources for you, including advocacy, legal aid, and more (36:08)
- Surround yourself with people who understand what is happening and can support you (36:53)
- Liz talks about co-parenting with her ex-spouse: “I believe the history of his behavior and therefore, practice BIFF.” (42:25)
Learn more about Liz:
Liz G. Bailey is a mother, published author, speech-language pathologist, and podcast host who thrives at the intersection of compassion and humor — known for saying some off-the-wall stuff without a filter, all to create a transformative experience for her audiences. With a master’s degree in communication sciences and a survivor of Domestic Violence, she knows what it means to use your voice to protect yourself and those you love.
After bravely leaving an abusive marriage, she has triumphed over her life’s challenges by seeing the bigger picture and raising herself through spiritual growth. Now, as a champion for women and an advocate for prevention and survivors of Domestic Violence, Liz shares her life’s experiences on stage, at events, and on podcasts, inspiring her audiences to rise up and thrive, see their inherent value, and take action steps no matter the situation.
When she is not writing inspiring articles or teaching others how to use their voices, she is speaking and editing her podcast, The Pretty Truth. She and her best friend connect with thought leaders from around the world on topics ranging from personal and spiritual growth to the power of communication in relationships to living up to your highest self after trauma. We created this podcast to remember and emphasize that we are not alone on our paths and that slowing down to be OK with our perfectly imperfect selves is powerful. Liz’s purpose is to empower others and inspire the courage to walk away from victimhood and find wholeness and happiness after trauma. She communicates the truth and leaves people feeling joy, hope, and a desire to take action.
Resources & Links:
Grit and Grace Group Coaching is Open – Join us!
Liz’s website
Liz on Instagram
Liz on Facebook
Liz on LinkedIn
Liz on Twitter
Domesticshelters.org
You Are a Badass, Jen Sincero
Why Does He Do That, Lundy Bancroft
The Body Keeps the Score, Bessel van der Kolk M.D.
BIFF for Co-Parent Communication, Bill Eddy
How to Communicate with a High-Conflict Co-Parent with Bill Eddy
TODAY’S EPISODE IS SPONSORED BY:
THE DIVORCE SURVIVAL PROGRAM
As one of the pioneers of the divorce coaching industry, I’ve been helping women (most of whom are moms) navigate the divorce process for the last decade.
AND NOW, FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER, ALL OF MY DIVORCE WISDOM IS AVAILABLE IN ONE ONLINE PROGRAM.
**This program is 100% for you if…**
- You’re a mom looking for a clear roadmap to a divorce that won’t destroy your kids
- You’re looking for answers and a roadmap
- You understand that divorce is a long game
- You’re willing to put away your boxing gloves
- You want this to be a respectful and collaborative process in service of your kids
-
You understand that divorce is, first and foremost, an emotional process and you’re ready to ‘go there’
**Are you ready to learn from one of the world’s top divorce experts and set yourself on the path towards the best possible outcome?**YEAH, Y’ARE!!!
JOIN THE SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO FACEBOOK GROUP
Tracy Coenen is a forensic accountant who has been investigating fraud for more than twenty-five years. This year she released the Divorce Money Guide to help people in the process of divorce take control of their finances.
In this episode, Tracy joins me for a conversation about becoming your own forensic accountant. Becoming your own forensic accountant helps you to gain agency, clarity, and understanding—and take back the power of your financial situation.
Show Highlights
- Why you might need a forensic accountant: it all comes down to money shenanigans! (6:18)
- Don’t feel ashamed about anything that happened with marital money - figure out where you are today and take some control back (9:35)
- What to do if your spouse refuses to answer questions about finances (12:04)
- Get into gathering mode - gather all of the financial information you can (12:50)
- Red flags that there might be something amiss with marital finances (15:32)
- How to objectively assess any red flags you are seeing (19:36)
- Taking agency and control over the finances in your marriage (22:48)
- How to know when you need to hire a professional (32:32)
- If you understand your money, you can get a better settlement in your divorce (35:09)
Learn more about Tracy Coenen:
Tracy has been investigating fraud for more than 25 years, but she didn’t always want to be a forensic accountant. With a dream of one day being a prison warden, Tracy went to Marquette University in Milwaukee, WI to get a criminology degree. A class on financial crime investigations reminded her how much she loved Encyclopedia Brown books as a kid. She continued her criminology degree, but added accounting and economics courses so she could sit for the CPA exam… and here Tracy is, finding money in cases of corporate fraud, high net worth divorce, and other financial shenanigans.
Resources & Links:
Information and links may also be found at: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/becoming-your-own-forensic-accountant-with-tracy-coenenGrit and Grace Group Coaching is Open - Join us!
Tracy on Instagram
Tracy on LinkedIn
Use Code DSG to get $100 off Tracy’s Divorce Money Guide
TODAY’S EPISODE IS SPONSORED BY: SOBERLINK Proof. Protection. Peace of Mind.
The Soberlink remote alcohol monitoring system consists of a portable breathalyzer with wireless technology for real-time results. With proven use as the leading choice in child custody cases since 2011, we are the only system that combines:
- Court admissibility in all 50 states
- Facial recognition
- Tamper detection
- Easy-to-read Advanced Reporting™
Trust the Experts in Remote Alcohol Monitoring Technology™ to support the best interests of the hild in your Family Law cases.
JOIN THE SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO FACEBOOK GROUP
Mary Ann Hughes is the proud mother of two sons on opposite ends of the autism spectrum. Today she joins me for a conversation about going through a divorce when you have children with special needs.
During her divorce, Mary Ann successfully advocated for her children’s needs. As a result, she started Special Family Transitions to help families navigate the overwhelm and complexities of special needs divorce to get the best possible outcome, with as little time, money, and stress as possible. Today, she joins me for a conversation about navigating divorce in the midst of parenting (and eventually co-parenting) children with disabilities.
Combining her experience and certifications as a Certified Divorce Coach, Certified Divorce Specialist, member of the National Association of Divorce Professionals, MBA, and years of special needs advocacy, Mary Ann is committed to supporting families with children with disabilities as a valued special needs divorce coach and consultant.
Show Highlights
- Transitions can be hard for neurodivergent children – Mary Ann shares how parents approach the decision-making process of divorce
- The impact of divorce on children with disabilities
- How to co-parent with kids with special needs when a parent is not engaged or doesn’t prioritize the children
- How and why you may want to set up a trust for your children
- What you need to know about divorce when you have kids on the spectrum
Learn more about Mary Ann Hughes:
As a mom of two boys on the autism spectrum who unexpectedly faced divorce after 21 years of marriage, Mary Ann Hughes had to learn how to navigate the complexities of special needs divorce, to effectively advocate for her children’s needs and get a great result for her family in my divorce. Mary Ann formed Special Family Transitions and became a Special Needs Divorce Coach and Consultant so other moms of children with disabilities wouldn’t have to spend the time, money, and emotional energy she did when faced with divorce.
Mary Ann is on a mission to help mothers gain the confidence, skills and knowledge to successfully overcome the overwhelm and challenges of special needs divorce, to achieve the best possible result for their family. Mary Ann combines her experiences as a Certified Divorce Coach, Certified Divorce Transition and Recovery Coach, Certified Divorce Specialist, Certified Life Coach, member of National Association of Divorce Professionals and NADP Special Needs Chapter, LoneStar LEND Leadership Education in Autism and Neurodevelopmental Disabilities Fellow, MBA with a successful career in Fortune 100 companies (pre-kids), and years of special needs training and advocacy, to help her clients effectively advocate for themselves and their children in special needs divorce.
Resources & Links:
Information and links may also be found here: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/divorcing-with-children-with-special-needs-with-mary-ann-hughes/
Grit and Grace Group Coaching is Open – Join us!
Mary Ann’s website
Mary Ann on Facebook
Mary Ann on Instagram
Mary Ann on YouTube
Mary Ann on TikTok
Mary Ann on LinkedIn
Mary Ann’s course: Keys to Success in Divorce for Moms of Children with Special Needs – DSG listeners get 25% off with discount code SFT.
THE M3ND PROJECT The M3ND Project’s mission is to bring clarity and validation to victims and survivors and to provide tools and resources for those who are responding to abuse.
Annette Oltmans founded The M3ND Project coming out of her own experience as a survivor of emotional abuse and double abuse and after years of researching academic materials and personally interviewing hundreds of abuse survivors, therapists, and faith leaders. M3ND does this by providing various educational resources and training courses.
Sometimes, it can be hard to articulate what you are going through when you try to reach out to a friend or therapist for help, and it can make you feel crazy. As a survivor, I remember feeling this way. When I first came across Mend’s Terms and Definitions tool, which names and explains covert abusive tactics, it was SO validating and illuminating.
M3ND wants to share this resource with The Divorce Survival Guide Listeners for free!! Go get this tool that I think is so essential:
Grab M3ND’s Terms and Definitions Tool: https://kateanthony.com/mend
JOIN THE SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO FACEBOOK GROUP
October 1st marked the beginning of domestic violence awareness month. On September 30th, I learned that a member of my Facebook community was murdered by her boyfriend, who then turned the gun on himself. There are 11 murder-suicides rooted in domestic violence per week in the United States, so I decided to focus this week’s episode on the epidemic of domestic violence and shed light on it with some of my thoughts on how we can attempt to move beyond this in our society. Unfortunately, when I am educating victims, it is already too late.
In this episode, I talk about spreading awareness about raising our children to express their pain and feelings in a safe way, what to do if a co-parent is exhibiting toxic behavior, and the importance of educating yourself on domestic violence and abusive patterns or behaviors.
Episode highlights:
- If you are in a toxic relationship where you feel unsafe, create a safety plan before you leave. 75% of domestic homicides occur when a person leaves an abusive relationship.
- I share precisely how to create a safety plan
- The importance of healing and doing trauma work after getting out of an abusive relationship
Resources & Links:
Information and links may also be found at: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/solo-episode-one-of-our-members-was-murdered-last-week
National Domestic Violence Hotline: 800-799-7233 or TheHotline.org
Non-violent parenting classes
Safety plan outline
Leanne Oaten
Annette Oltmans returns to the show this week for an important conversation about going to couples therapy with an abuser. We discuss what therapy with an abuser can look like, when it works, when it doesn’t work, and share strategies to protect yourself throughout.
Annette is one of the very few people whose abusive husband did change after going to therapy - separately and together. She also shares what her experience was like and offers insight into what is required to heal.
Annette’s personal experiences of prolonged emotional abuse in marriage and her extensive journey of recovery including comprehensive field research into the topics of Original Abuse and Double Abuse® ignited her passion for founding The M3ND Project in 2016.
Show Highlights
- Signs to look out for during therapy that it's not working and/or that it’s dangerous to continue (9:24)
- Abuse victims need to experience therapeutic alignment that is on their side - that kind of support is not going to happen in couples therapy (13:20)
- The motivations and tactics of an abuser who agrees to go to couples therapy (31:03)
- If you are in a cycle of abuse, go to therapy, and nothing is changing - what do you do? (36:39)
- How to know therapy is working if you and your spouse decide to explore therapy separately (46:01)
- The victim should have a voice in the therapeutic process (47:55)
- It’s a long journey for an abuser to do the work to change - they won’t be changed within two months (51:55)
- A boundary without a consequence is just a complaint - the hard part is holding the boundary (54:57)
Learn more about Annette Oltmans:
Annette Oltmans is a philanthropist and passionate human rights advocate. Annette’s personal experiences of prolonged emotional abuse in marriage and her extensive journey of recovery including comprehensive field research into the topics of Original Abuse and Double Abuse® ignited her passion to founding The M3ND Project in 2016. While seeking the help of professionals and responders, she experienced Double Abuse® in the form of spiritual and institutional abuse. These harmful encounters compelled Annette in her relentless pursuit for solutions that involved interviews with hundreds of victims and survivors. She uncovered common threads that cause victims prolonged states of confusion as well as what ultimately led them towards healing. Her journey also involved interviews with hundreds of faith-based leaders and therapists which led her to discover that most are untrained and ill-equipped to identify and help victims of emotional, verbal, and psychological abuse. In working to prevent and remediate such harm, Annette developed protocoled models that are now being taught and implemented with therapists, churches and professional organizations across the United States. She consulted with esteemed experts in abuse, trauma, and healing to ensure the materials align with the highest professional standards. Annette also serves on the Board of Pepperdine University’s Boone Center for the Family and is a Board of Trustee member of Northrise University in Zambia. Her writing on these topics of abuse, domestic violence, and bullying has been published in the American Association of Christian Counselors (AACC), Teen Vogue, and numerous other publications. Annette is also a contributing author in the newly released book, "Created to Thrive: Cultivating Abuse-Free Safe Communities".
Resources & Links:
Links and information may also be found at: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/couples-therapy-and-abuse-with-annette-oltmans/
Get on the list to be notified about Group Coaching!
The M3nd Project Website
Tools and Resources from The M3ND Project
The M3ND Project on Facebook
The M3ND Project on Instagram
The M3nd Project on YouTube
The M3nd Project on Twitter
Abuser. Narcissist. Sociopath. with Annette Oltmans
Covert Emotional Abuse with Annette Oltmans
The Marriage Recovery Center
TODAY’S EPISODE IS SPONSORED BY:
THE REVISED SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO? PROGRAM
An online coaching program designed to help you make the right decision about your marriage...once and for all. In this groundbreaking online coaching program, you’ll unlock the support, education and deep transformational work you need to finally answer to your most burning question: should I stay or should I go?
JOIN THE SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO FACEBOOK GROUP
I’m often asked, “What does a healthy relationship even look like?” Vanessa Bennett, LMFT, author, holistic psychotherapist, and codependency expert, joins me for a conversation that addresses that question. Plus, we discuss her new book, which she co-authored with her partner, John Kim (AKA: The Angry Therapist), “It’s Not Me, It’s You: Break the Blame Cycle. Relationship Better.” The book covers the top ten issues couples struggle with and how they can work through them. We also discuss codependence versus interdependence, love languages, and more.
Vanessa’s therapeutic approach integrates years of study and practice in Depth, Buddhist, and Yoga Psychology. She co-hosts the Cheaper Than Therapy Podcast, leads soul-based retreats and workshops, and creates and facilitates curriculum for non-profit and corporate events and conferences.
Show Highlights
- Halt the blame: codependency is universal and systemic (10:05)
- Interdependence: what it is and its role in relationships (12:21)
- Taking away the shame around our codependent ways of relating (15:34)
- Love languages are like Cliff’s Notes for our needs (23:01)
- Moving towards interdependence and healing unhealthy codependency (28:02)
- When you break the blame cycle and own your shit, shifts in your relationships will happen (33:48)
Learn more about Vanessa:
After over a decade of grinding in the New York City corporate world, Vanessa Bennett realized her work, her relationships, and honestly, her life felt…off. She didn’t see it at first, but her path was finding her — and the journey she started to help herself ended up being her path to helping others.
Cue the montage of her moving across the country, having a few breakdowns, heartbreaks, setbacks, taking hundreds of hours of training and workshops in yoga, yoga therapy, nutrition, somatic therapy, and reading lots and lots of books. Oh yeah, all while becoming a licensed therapist.
It turns out that this passion paired well with her unique background in telling stories through marketing and corporate strategy, a longtime practice of meditation and yoga, and the fact that she’s a New Yorker who cuts to the point.
Today, Vanessa lives in Los Angeles and puts all of this to work as an Author, Licensed Holistic Psychotherapist, clinical entrepreneur, and mental health content creator. She co-hosts the Cheaper Than Therapy Podcast, leads soul-based retreats and workshops, and creates and facilitates curricula for non-profit and corporate events and conferences.
Resources & Links:
Information and links may also be found at: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/codependence-versus-interdependence-with-vanessa-bennett-lmft
Grit and Grace Group Coaching is Open - Join us!
Vanessa’s website
Vanessa on Instagram
Vanessa on TikTok
TODAY’S EPISODE IS SPONSORED BY:
THE DIVORCE SURVIVAL PROGRAM
As one of the pioneers of the divorce coaching industry, I’ve been helping women (most of whom are moms) navigate the divorce process for the last decade.
AND NOW, FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER, ALL OF MY DIVORCE WISDOM IS AVAILABLE IN ONE ONLINE PROGRAM.
**This program is 100% for you if…**
- You’re a mom looking for a clear roadmap to a divorce that won’t destroy your kids
- You’re looking for answers and a roadmap
- You understand that divorce is a long game
- You’re willing to put away your boxing gloves
- You want this to be a respectful and collaborative process in service of your kids
-
You understand that divorce is, first and foremost, an emotional process and you’re ready to ‘go there’
**Are you ready to learn from one of the world’s top divorce experts and set yourself on the path towards the best possible outcome?**YEAH, Y’ARE!!!
JOIN THE SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO FACEBOOK GROUP
Before we dive into this week’s show, I wanted to share that my group coaching experience, Grit & Grace, is open! If you are ready to create profound shifts to own your worth, your strength, and your power - Grit & Grace is for you. To learn more about the program or to sign up for a consultation visit KateAnthony.com/Coaching.
Certified Family Law Specialist Monica Mazzei joins me to talk about why everyone should have a pre-marital agreement - yes, a prenup! Monica is passionate about what she does and has made it her mission to educate others about everything family law—including this topic.
During our conversation, we discuss the benefits of having a pre-marital agreement, why prenups are not just for high-net-worth individuals, and what happens if a spouse tries to fight the prenup during a divorce. If you don’t have assets or think you don’t need a prenup, but think you might get married again in the future, this episode is a must-listen.
Show Highlights
- The family law system is outdated especially in the area of pre-marital agreements (6:53)
- Conversations about pre-marital agreements offer transparency and may lead to greater intimacy (10:00)
- Monica explains what information and details go into a prenup - it should be a clear roadmap of what is going to happen if you get divorced (11:51)
- How to start the conversation with a partner about creating a pre-marital agreement (22:08)
- Co-habitation and Nesting agreements: what are they and what should go into them (26:04)
- Why a pre-martial agreement is the most impactful one you can have, where you choose your own rules and destiny as a couple if things don’t work out (34:35)
Learn more about Monica:Monica Mazzei is a Certified Family Law Specialist representing clients in the Bay Area, with a concentration in San Francisco and Silicon Valley, as well as Los Angeles. She represents high-net-worth clients throughout the divorce process and in mediation. Monica has been named a California Super Lawyer from 2015-2019 and has been recognized in the international Chambers High Net Worth 2017-2019 guide for Family/Matrimonial Law.
Monica specializes in dissolution actions involving complicated valuation and financial matters, and complex community property and support issues, including international issues, and dissolutions involving hedge funds, private equity, venture capital, and privately held businesses.
Monica takes a modern approach to the practice of family law – addressing various needs of her clients related and unrelated to their family law case. Monica has relationships with top professionals in the Bay Area such as forensic accountants, mental health professionals, real estate agents, financial advisors, and business valuation experts. She also works closely with estate planning attorneys to come up with creative solutions for her clients and ensure their agreements reflect their current objectives.
Monica is a frequent lecturer and speaker on family law matters and has been interviewed by Forbes, The Wall Street Journal, and Bloomberg.
Resources & Links:
Information and links may also be found at:
https://kateanthony.com/podcast/why-everyone-should-have-a-pre-marital-agreement-with-monica-mazzei/
Grit and Grace Group Coaching is Open - Join us!
Monica’s website
Monica on LinkedIn
TODAY’S EPISODE IS SPONSORED BY: SOBERLINK Proof. Protection. Peace of Mind.
The Soberlink remote alcohol monitoring system consists of a portable breathalyzer with wireless technology for real-time results. With proven use as the leading choice in child custody cases since 2011, we are the only system that combines:
- Court admissibility in all 50 states
- Facial recognition
- Tamper detection
- Easy-to-read Advanced Reporting™
Trust the Experts in Remote Alcohol Monitoring Technology™ to support the best interests of the child in your Family Law cases.
JOIN THE SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO FACEBOOK GROUP
This week we are talking about the legal aspect of high conflict divorce. When it comes to divorce, what most talk about from a legal sense isn’t applicable to those navigating a divorce with an abuser or high-conflict person. That’s why I asked my good friend, Susan Guthrie, Esq., to come back to the show and share what she knows about legal issues surrounding high-conflict situations.
Divorce is hard, divorce with a high conflict person is a completely different ball game. Listen to this episode to hear how to maneuver the legal system when divorcing an abusive or high-conflict spouse.
Show Highlights
- The tools do not exist in the legal system to change the behavior of a high-conflict person, but there are resources available that can help you protect yourself (6:09)
- High conflict people are unmanageable (11:37)
- Susan answers, “Can you mediate with someone who is actively lying and/or hiding assets?” (14:28)
- Why Susan says a consulting attorney is a necessity for the mediation process (19:01)
- When you are mediating or litigating with a high-conflict person, you move in small, purposeful steps (23:35)
- How to cope when an ex-spouse backs out of mediation at the last minute. Plus, what you can do from a legal perspective (33:48)
Learn more about Susan:
Susan Guthrie, nationally recognized as one of the Top Family Law Attorneys and Mediators in the country, has been helping individuals and families navigate separation and divorce for more than 30 years. Susan provides online divorce and legal coaching services to select clients around the world. As a leading dispute resolution professional, Susan is honored to serve on the Executive Council of the American Bar Association’s (ABA) Section of Dispute Resolution as the Budget Officer and to be a Co-Chair of the Advanced Mediation Institute.
In 2021 Susan launched her fresh and inspiring podcast, The Divorce & Beyond Podcast with Susan Guthrie, Esq. which debuted on iTunes “Top Podcasts” List for self-help podcasts and which is one of the Top 1.5 % of All Podcasts worldwide! Divorce & Beyond is focused on pulling back the curtain on the mysteries of the divorce process and bringing tips and resources to help people to thrive and shine in their new future beyond divorce.
Susan has been featured in and on media outlets such as CNBC, Market Watch, News Nation, Forbes, the ABA’s Just Resolutions Magazine, Thrive Global, Medium, and many more.
She is licensed to practice law in the States of California and Connecticut as well as before the Supreme Court of the United States.
Resources & Links:Information and links may also be found at: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/high-conflict-legal-qa-with-susan-guthrie-esq
Grit and Grace Group Coaching starts on September 15th - Join us!
Mosten Guthrie Academy
BIFF: Quick Responses to High-Conflict People
DSG Abuse Mini-Series: How to Communicate with a High-Conflict Co-Parent with Bill Eddy
Get Ready to BIFF Your High Conflict Ex with Bill Eddy on Divorce & Beyond
The Incredible Tale of One Mom’s Successful 10-Year Battle to Be Free of a Narcissist with Tina Swithin on Divorce & Beyond
TODAY’S EPISODE IS SPONSORED BY:
THE REVISED SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO? PROGRAM
An online coaching program designed to help you make the right decision about your marriage...once and for all. In this groundbreaking online coaching program, you’ll unlock the support, education and deep transformational work you need to finally answer to your most burning question: should I stay or should I go?
JOIN THE SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO FACEBOOK GROUP
When women join book clubs, often, it’s not about books. It’s about being with one another, building each other up, and gaining a sense of comfort with each other. Women need community, it’s part of who we are. That’s why, this week, I continue the conversation about community and Grit & Grace, a coaching experience for women contemplating, going through, or recovering from divorce.
In this episode, I share openly and passionately why I created the Grit & Grace program, talk about some of the work we’ll do together including techniques for healing and grief recovery, the nuts and bolts of divorce, and share how you can join us!
Yes, you can do this work individually and make big changes. Or we can come together to make a seismic shift in our own lives and change the world while we're doing it. Plus, we heal exponentially when we do it together.
Resources & Links:
Information and links may also be found at: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/solo-episode-grit--grace/
Join my new coaching program Grit & Grace!
Why Women Need a Tribe By Tanja Taljaard and Azriel Re'Shel
The Science of Stuck with Tina Swithin
Don’t Use These Terms! Words and Phrases to Avoid When Getting Divorced with Christina McGhee
JOIN THE SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO FACEBOOK GROUP
Britt Frank is the author of The Science of Stuck: Breaking Through Inertia to Find Your Path Forward. Many of my listeners are stuck on the idea of whether they should stay or go, or stuck in trauma and fear. That’s why I invited Britt to the show to talk about the small steps we can take to become unstuck and move forward with dignity.
Britt is a trauma specialist and psychotherapist. Her work focuses on empowering people to understand the mechanisms of our brains and bodies so we can break through procrastination and find our way home to ourselves. This conversation is amazing, I hope you enjoy it!
Show Highlights
- The fastest way to get out of being stuck is to take small steps (5:08)
- How to define the ‘first step’ to help you figure out your plan for getting unstuck (7:53)
- Dissociation is a self-protection mechanism - there’sa reason you’re not doing the thing you want to do: you’re experiencing the freeze response to trauma (13:11)
- Britt explains why we can’t think ourselves forward (16:04)
- We explore the steps to help you get unstuck including: Validating what’s happening and determining the resources available to help right now (22:40)
- Why Britt says to stay away from positive and negative thinking and instead focus on accurate thinking (24:52)
- Your inner critic wants to help, but they are just really bad at it! (27:59)
- Leaving a relationship requires detox and withdrawal (34:23)
- Self-sabotage is a way to self-protect - don’t blame yourself for self-sabotaging. Recognize it’s happening and then follow the steps to move through being stuck (39:41)
- Self-mothering is one the most powerful ways of breaking trauma bonds (44:24)
Learn more about Britt Frank:
Britt Frank, MSW, LSCSW, SEP is a clinician, educator, and trauma specialist. She speaks and writes widely about the mental health myths that keep us stuck and stressed. Britt received her BA from Duke University and her MSW from the University of Kansas, where she later became an award-winning adjunct professor. She is a Somatic Experiencing Practitioner and Level 3 trained in the Internal Family Systems therapeutic model. Britt was a primary therapist at a drug and alcohol treatment center, an inpatient therapist at a children’s psychiatric hospital, and now owns a private practice. You can find Britt on Instagram @brittfrank or on her website www.scienceofstuck.com. Her debut book The Science of Stuck was released 3-22-22 by Penguin Random House.
Resources & Links:
Links and information may also be found at:
https://kateanthony.com/podcast/the-science-of-stuck-with-britt-frank/
Get on the list to be notified about Grit & Grace!
Britt’s website
Britt on Instagram
Britt’s book
Mother Hunger, Kelly McDaniel
TODAY’S EPISODE IS SPONSORED BY:
THE DIVORCE SURVIVAL PROGRAM
As one of the pioneers of the divorce coaching industry, I’ve been helping women (most of whom are moms) navigate the divorce process for the last decade.
AND NOW, FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER, ALL OF MY DIVORCE WISDOM IS AVAILABLE IN ONE ONLINE PROGRAM.
**This program is 100% for you if…**
- You’re a mom looking for a clear roadmap to a divorce that won’t destroy your kids
- You’re looking for answers and a roadmap
- You understand that divorce is a long game
- You’re willing to put away your boxing gloves
- You want this to be a respectful and collaborative process in service of your kids
-
You understand that divorce is, first and foremost, an emotional process and you’re ready to ‘go there’
**Are you ready to learn from one of the world’s top divorce experts and set yourself on the path towards the best possible outcome?**YEAH, Y’ARE!!!
JOIN THE SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO FACEBOOK GROUP
This week we are talking about life after divorce - specifically what it can look like and how it can feel. Sara Davison is my special guest. During our conversation, she shares her story of divorce and how she helps women move on from heartbreak to a life of happiness post-divorce.
Sara is best known as ‘The Divorce Coach’ and is an award-winning authority on break-ups, divorce, and life empowerment. Following the launch of Sara’s Breakup and Divorce Coach Practitioner Accreditation Programme in 2018, Sara has now founded The International Divorce Coach Centre Of Excellence which has a coaching community of 250 Divorce Coaches spanning 16 countries and five continents. She is a twice best-selling author, media commentator, and host of the #1 Heartbreak to Happiness Podcast.
Tune in to hear our empowering and uplifting conversation!
Show Highlights
- How do you get back up on your feet and move forward when you are still wrapped up in the whole process of divorce? (7:50)
- Turning the adversity of your divorce into your strength and superpower (8:19)
- Sara shares her story of divorce and the processing the shock and trauma of finding her spouse was having an affair and wanted a divorce (14:41)
- The opposing viewpoints of divorce: the abuser wants to annihilate you whereas you just want to break free and move on (24:00)
- How to move forward and take your power back - even in the midst of experiencing post-separation abuse (26:31)
- It takes one person or one generation to break toxicity or patterns of abuse - it is up to us to break it for our kids (38:35)
Learn more about Sara Davison:
Sara Davison, best known as ‘The Divorce Coach’, is an award-winning authority on break-ups, divorce, and life-empowerment. She’s the best-kept secret of society’s elite with a client list that spans actors, politicians, and sportsmen. A bestselling author, Sara’s empathetic and holistic coaching style empowers individuals to take back control and positively transform their lives.
An NLP Master Practitioner, Sara combines 26 years’ coaching experience with her own personal experience of marriage breakdown to help clients cope with challenges including heartbreak, betrayal, conflict, confidence building, co-parenting, and being effective in the workplace during divorce and dating again. Coaching is tailored to suit a client’s lifestyle needs, with options ranging from private coaching at Sara’s clinic, home visits and online video courses to the immersive group environment on her highly acclaimed Breakup Recovery Retreats. Following the success of Sara’s Breakup & Divorce Coach Practitioner Accreditation Programme, Sara founded the International Divorce Coach Centre of Excellence in 2021 and has now created a global coaching community of over 200 Divorce Coaches spanning 14 countries and six continents. The programme is designed to help those interested in becoming a coach as well as existing coaches who want to take their business to the next level.
Sara launched Heartbreak To Happiness, an empowering podcast designed to help men and women struggling with the pain of relationship breakdown. The podcast hit New and Noteworthy six times in the first six weeks post launch and hit #1 spot in Ireland and #2 in the UK charts and #24 in USA. Recent guests have included Jason Vale, Bill Walsh, Bernardo Moya and Nicole Jacobs.
Sara has firmly cemented her reputation as the go-to expert on domestic abuse, joining forces with The Dash Charity as their patron and recently launched the UK’s first ever dedicated retreat ‘How to divorce an abusive partner and recover from a toxic relationship’, aimed at empowering those feeling helpless and overwhelmed with the critical tools they need to break free, so they can start their healing journey and redesign their lives.
At the government level, Sara consults on marriage and divorce legislation, most recently the divorce law reform. Sara is also a regular media commentator and motivational speaker, and she recently starred as the expert in Heartbreak Hotel, a television show based around the concept of her Breakup Recovery Retreats.
Resources & Links:
Information and links can also be found at: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/from-heartbreak-to-happiness-with-sara-davison/Get on the list to be notified about Grit & Grace!
Sara’s website
Sara on Instagram
Sara on Facebook
Sara on Twitter
Sara on LinkedIn
Breakup Survival Guide
TODAY’S EPISODE IS SPONSORED BY:
THE REVISED SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO? PROGRAM
An online coaching program designed to help you make the right decision about your marriage...once and for all. In this groundbreaking online coaching program, you’ll unlock the support, education and deep transformational work you need to finally answer to your most burning question: should I stay or should I go?
JOIN THE SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO FACEBOOK GROUP
This week we’re talking about marital finances, divorce, and how gaining clarity around your finances can help inform your decision about whether you should stay or go. Karen Chellew and Catherine Shanahan, founders of My Divorce Solution, join me to share some of the processes they utilize when working with clients to help them protect and secure their financial future in divorce.
Karen and Catherine combine their legal and financial expertise to provide unparalleled financial clarity and divorce preparation – resulting in easier, faster, and less expensive divorces. Our hope is that through listening to this conversation you will have more power, more knowledge, and clarity about finances and divorce.
“Everybody is entitled to financial clarity.” Catherine Shanahan
“If you decide to stay after working through your marital finances,
you will be a different partner going forward.” Karen Chellew
Show Highlights
- My Divorce Solution: what it is and why Karen and Catherine created it (3:51)
- What to say if you are trying to get financial information from a bank or accountant who is refusing to give it without your soon-to-be-ex’s consent (10:06)
- Do you need a CFDA or resource such as My Divorce Solution if your finances are not high-net-worth? The short answer: Yes. (20:37)
- How working with a financial advisor or analyst can help inform your decision about whether or not you should get a divorce (27:31)
- If you are working with a financial analyst, you are not committing to a divorce. You are learning
- What can be the most difficult thing about working through your marital finances? (36:00)
- An important reminder to women about finances and worth: you are worth it! (43:30)
Learn more about Karen Chellew and Catherine Shanahan:
Karen Chellew, Legal Liaison: For over 30 years, Karen has worked in the legal field as a paralegal and business manager. During her career, she served as an affiliated member of the Pennsylvania Bar Association and as President-Elect of the ALA (Association of Legal Administrators). Karen now serves clients and the professional team in her role as legal liaison. She is also a certified QDRO Administrator, Founder and President of Sisters U Foundation, and an Auditor of East Rockhill Township. As the mom of three children and two granddaughters, Karen is extremely passionate about helping women in all that she does.
Catherine Shanahan, CDFA: After 25 years in the financial industry, having raised five children and endured her own experience with divorce, Catherine became a Certified Divorce Financial Analyst (CDFA) and trained mediator. A Professional Daily Money Manager (PDMM), Catherine is also a member of the Bucks County Collaborative Law Group, American Association of Daily Money Managers (AADMM) the Institute for Divorce Financial Analysts, and the Association of Divorce Financial Planners (ADFP).
Resources & Links:Information and links may also be found at: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/financial-clarity-and-your-divorce/
My Divorce Solution
My Divorce Solution on Instagram
My Divorce Solution on Twitter
My Divorce Solution on Facebook
My Divorce Solution on LinkedIn
We Chat Divorce by My Divorce Solution on YouTube
We Chat Divorce Podcast
DSG Listeners - Get 30 Days Free on My Divorce Solution’s Online Divorce Course
Get a free quote for your financial portrait from My Divorce Solution
TODAY’S EPISODE IS SPONSORED BY: SOBERLINK Proof. Protection. Peace of Mind.
The Soberlink remote alcohol monitoring system consists of a portable breathalyzer with wireless technology for real-time results. With proven use as the leading choice in child custody cases since 2011, we are the only system that combines:
- Court admissibility in all 50 states
- Facial recognition
- Tamper detection
- Easy-to-read Advanced Reporting™
Trust the Experts in Remote Alcohol Monitoring Technology™ to support the best interests of the child in your Family Law cases.
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Today, I have a solo episode for you! I am talking about community, specifically why it is important for women to be in a community with one another. My Facebook group has grown to over 10,000 members and on any given day you can see the magic that happens when women support one another. When you are surrounded by other women in similar situations it opens up space to share our experiences, struggles and wins. Ultimately, when women join together in a community we begin to own our collective power.
In this episode I talk about:
- The impact women in community have on men
- The work of victims is to get to a place of feeling strong enough and empowered enough to be able to walk away
- Our true power lies in our connection to other women
Resources & Links:Links and information may also be found at: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/solo-episode-the-power-of-community-grit-and-graceGet on the list to be notified about Grit & Grace!
Why Women Need a Tribe, by Tanja Taljaard and Azriel Re'Shel
Mothering Heights with Leonora Pitts
Better Than Before: What I Learned About Making and Breaking Habits - to Sleep More, Quit Sugar, Procrastinate Less, and Generally Build a Happier Life, with Gretchen Rubin
THE M3ND PROJECT The M3ND Project’s mission is to bring clarity and validation to victims and survivors and to provide tools and resources for those who are responding to abuse.
Annette Oltmans founded The M3ND Project coming out of her own experience as a survivor of emotional abuse and double abuse and after years of researching academic materials and personally interviewing hundreds of abuse survivors, therapists, and faith leaders. M3ND does this by providing various educational resources and training courses.
The M3ND Project has three courses available: One for Victims and Survivors, One for Responders and Advocates, and The 3rd for Therapists seeking CEUs.
The M3ND Project’s Comprehensive Training Curriculum provides deep instruction on psychological abuse, double abuse, complex trauma, how to identify your own trauma and whether you are being abused, and the best protocols for responding to victims and those who cause harm.
For course details and to register visit: https://kateanthony.com/mend
JOIN THE SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO FACEBOOK GROUP
Dr. Heidi Brocke joins me for a discussion about toxic relationships and healing from them. Heidi is a toxic relationship awareness and healing specialist. After 14 years in an extremely emotionally and narcissistically abusive relationship, she broke the chains and turned her past into her passion. Today it is her mission to provide hope, healing, and freedom to those whose lives have been affected by toxic relationships, emotional abuse, and narcissistic behaviors.
Show Highlights
- Heidi shares what she would say to women afraid to leave a partner for fear of alienation from their children (10:20)
- When we stay “for our kids,” we think we are mitigating toxic behavior but in reality, we are condoning it (12:14)
- What the word toxic means in toxic relationships (15:42)
- The importance of shifting the focus on the diagnosis of your partner to focusing on you and what feels good or right for you (29:40)
- The only thing consistent about a toxic person is that they are inconsistent (34:40)
Learn more about Dr. Heidi Brocke:
Dr. Heidi Brocke is a Toxic Relationship Awareness & Healing Specialist. After spending 14 years in an extremely emotionally and narcissistically abusive relationship she broke the chains and turned her past into her passion; She left her 24 years career in healthcare to use her life experience and education to be the person she needed when she herself was trapped in the darkness of an unhealthy relationship to provide hope, healing, and freedom to those whose lives have been affected by toxic relationships, emotional abuse, and narcissistic behaviors.
Through education, she presents the understanding needed to empower others to walk through fear and into their freedom.
Today she has helped hundreds rid and heal their toxic relationships and hosts the popular podcast, It’s not Normal, It’s Toxic-rid your life of toxic people - with over a million listens worldwide.
She’s an international keynote speaker, recipient of Empowering Women in Business of The Year award by Inspiring Lives Magazine, and has been featured in both Forbes and Time Magazines for the dedication given to her clients and for her work in the toxic relationship area.
Resources & Links:
Links and information may also be found at: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/from-toxic-to-free-with-heidi-brocke/
Heidi’s website
Heidi on Facebook
Heidi on LinkedIn
Heidi on Instagram
Heidi’s Freedom Me Course
The TPA
It’s Not Normal, It’s Toxic with Dr, Heidi Brocke
The Divorce and Beyond Podcast with Susan Guthrie, Esq.
TODAY’S EPISODE IS SPONSORED BY:
THE DIVORCE SURVIVAL PROGRAM
As one of the pioneers of the divorce coaching industry, I’ve been helping women (most of whom are moms) navigate the divorce process for the last decade.
AND NOW, FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER, ALL OF MY DIVORCE WISDOM IS AVAILABLE IN ONE ONLINE PROGRAM.
**This program is 100% for you if…**
- You’re a mom looking for a clear roadmap to a divorce that won’t destroy your kids
- You’re looking for answers and a roadmap
- You understand that divorce is a long game
- You’re willing to put away your boxing gloves
- You want this to be a respectful and collaborative process in service of your kids
-
You understand that divorce is, first and foremost, an emotional process and you’re ready to ‘go there’
**Are you ready to learn from one of the world’s top divorce experts and set yourself on the path towards the best possible outcome?**YEAH, Y’ARE!!!
JOIN THE SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO FACEBOOK GROUP
We are talking about a complex and insidious topic this week: coercive control. Dr. Christine Cocchiola, a Coercive Control Advocate, Educator, Researcher, and Survivor, shares her incredible wisdom with us. She explains how coercive control is the foundation of most domestic abuse and is often non-physical with offenders using “power over” to abuse their victims psychologically, legally, financially, and sexually.
Dr. Christine Marie Cocchiola is a Board Member of the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence, has supported policy codifying coercive control, and has a small private practice, primarily serving victims and survivors of coercive control. She is also the creator of the Protective Parenting Program, supporting protective mothers on their journey to healing their children.
Show Highlights
- What is coercive control?
- Why Depp v Heard is a case study in coercive control (3:50)
- When coercive controllers begin to lose control, the number one thing they seek is revenge (8:50)
- The global impact of high-profile cases that revolve around coercive control (13:22)
- DARVO: an acronym used to describe a common strategy of abusers (24:16)
- How coercive controllers gain and retain control - what are their patterns? (28:14)
- The goal of the abuser is to wear away at your autonomy (29:43)
- How to avoid coercive control and other abusive situations or leave an abusive relationship (44:35)
- The legislation and criminalization of coercive control (49:45)
Learn more about Dr. Cocchiola:
Dr. Christine Marie Cocchiola, DSW, LCSW is a Coercive Control Advocate, Educator, Researcher & Survivor. Coercive Control, the foundation of most domestic abuse, is often non-physical with offenders using “power over” to abuse their victims psychologically, legally, financially, and sexually and where children are involved, use of the children as pawns. She is a college professor teaching social work at CT Community College for the last 20 years and also an adjunct instructor at NYU. Her expertise is in the areas of intimate partner violence, trauma, and child abuse, developing and presenting workshops on these topics both nationally and internationally. Christine, a Board Member of the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence, has supported policy codifying coercive control and has a small private practice, primarily serving victims and survivors of coercive control. She is the creator of the Protective Parenting Program, supporting protective mothers on their journey of healing their children.
Resources & Links:
Information and links may also be found at: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/coercive-control-with-dr-christine-cocchiola
Dr. Cocchiola's website
Dr. Cocchiola on Instagram
Dr. Cocchiola on Facebook
Dr. Cocchiola on Twitter
Dr. Cocchiola on LinkedIn
Instagram Live with Dr. Christine about Depp v Heard
What Happens After You Leave Your Abusive Marriage? with Leanne Oaten
THE M3ND PROJECT The M3ND Project’s mission is to bring clarity and validation to victims and survivors and to provide tools and resources for those who are responding to abuse.
Annette Oltmans founded The M3ND Project coming out of her own experience as a survivor of emotional abuse and double abuse and after years of researching academic materials and personally interviewing hundreds of abuse survivors, therapists, and faith leaders. M3ND does this by providing various educational resources and training courses.
The M3ND Project has three courses available: One for Victims and Survivors, One for Responders and Advocates, and The 3rd for Therapists seeking CEUs.
The M3ND Project’s Comprehensive Training Curriculum provides deep instruction on psychological abuse, double abuse, complex trauma, how to identify your own trauma and whether you are being abused, and the best protocols for responding to victims and those who cause harm.
For course details and to register visit: https://kateanthony.com/mend
JOIN THE SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO FACEBOOK GROUP
This week we are talking about the differences between narcissists, abusers, and sociopaths and why (or why not) those differences even matter. I received so much positive feedback when Annette Oltmans was on the show last time that I invited her back to explore this topic with me.
Annette’s personal experiences of prolonged emotional abuse in marriage and her extensive journey of recovery including comprehensive field research into the topics of Original Abuse and Double Abuse® ignited her passion for founding The M3ND Project in 2016.
Show Highlights
- What is the difference between narcissists, abusers, and sociopaths and does it matter? (6:28)
- Why it is important to look at the way someone makes you feel as opposed to focusing on a partner’s diagnosis or label (9:02)
- The maze of confusion and what it is like to be in a conversation with an abuser (13:53)
- All narcissists are abusers but not all abusers are narcissists (14:13)
- Annette shares the Pillars of Abuse (26:08)
- How to know when an abusive partner is truly working to change their behaviors. For one: they will have setbacks but still show longstanding evidence of change (40:00)
- Communication problems are not the core issue of abusive relationships (46:39)
Learn more about Annette Oltmans:
Annette Oltmans is a philanthropist and passionate human rights advocate. Annette’s personal experiences of prolonged emotional abuse in marriage and her extensive journey of recovery including comprehensive field research into the topics of Original Abuse and Double Abuse® ignited her passion to founding The M3ND Project in 2016. While seeking the help of professionals and responders, she experienced Double Abuse® in the form of spiritual and institutional abuse. These harmful encounters compelled Annette in her relentless pursuit for solutions that involved interviews with hundreds of victims and survivors. She uncovered common threads that cause victims prolonged states of confusion as well as what ultimately led them towards healing. Her journey also involved interviews with hundreds of faith-based leaders and therapists which led her to discover that most are untrained and ill-equipped to identify and help victims of emotional, verbal, and psychological abuse. In working to prevent and remediate such harm, Annette developed protocoled models that are now being taught and implemented with therapists, churches and professional organizations across the United States. She consulted with esteemed experts in abuse, trauma, and healing to ensure the materials align with the highest professional standards. Annette also serves on the Board of Pepperdine University’s Boone Center for the Family and is a Board of Trustee member of Northrise University in Zambia. Her writing on these topics of abuse, domestic violence, and bullying has been published in the American Association of Christian Counselors (AACC), Teen Vogue, and numerous other publications. Annette is also a contributing author in the newly released book, "Created to Thrive: Cultivating Abuse-Free Safe Communities".
Resources & Links:Information and links can also be found at: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/abuser-narcissist-sociopath-with-annette-oltmans/
Get on the list to be notified about Group Coaching!
The M3nd Project Website
Tools and Resources from The M3ND Project
The M3ND Project on Facebook
The M3ND Project on Instagram
The M3nd Project on YouTube
The M3nd Project on Twitter
The Maze of Confusion
TODAY’S EPISODE IS SPONSORED BY:
THE REVISED SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO? PROGRAM
An online coaching program designed to help you make the right decision about your marriage...once and for all. In this groundbreaking online coaching program, you’ll unlock the support, education and deep transformational work you need to finally answer to your most burning question: should I stay or should I go?
JOIN THE SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO FACEBOOK GROUP
Lena Derhally is back on the show! Last time we talked about social media narcissism and other harmful effects of using social media. This time she joins me to talk about Chris Watts, who was the topic of her book My Daddy is a Hero: How Chris Watts Went from Family Man to Family Killer.
On August 13, 2018, Chris Watts murdered his pregnant wife Shanann and two young daughters. Why is this story important for all to hear and especially those listening to this podcast? It’s important because it’s a case study of narcissism and the warning signs we all might miss. In Lena’s book (and this episode) Lena pieces together the crime, the events leading up to it, and her beliefs about the “why.”
Lena Derhally is a Washington DC-based licensed and Imago certified psychotherapist in private practice. She is the author of the Amazon True Crime and Criminology bestseller, My Daddy is a Hero: How Chris Watts Went from Family Man to Family Killer, and the forthcoming pop psychology book, The Facebook Narcissist: How to Identify and Protect Yourself and Your Loved Ones from Social Media Narcissism.
Show Highlights
- What led to Chris’s confession of murdering his wife and children (5:59)
- Psychopaths don’t have the same empathy or attachments as others, but they can learn to mimic the emotions and experiences of others around them (15:05)
- How to use this story as a way to protect yourself or spot red flags (24:14)
- The shame and blame of victims of intimate partner violence (43:21)
- Once a partner starts devaluing you, it is time to question what you want/don’t want from your relationship (54:22)
Christina McGhee is back on the show! She joins me to talk about the language we use around divorce, co-parenting, and raising our children. The language we use can be damaging to our children, so this is such an important conversation to have and I hope you get a lot out of listening to it. In fact, even as a professional in this space, I have recently learned how to shift my language about divorce topics. Words matter and the way we convey our ideas do too.
Christina McGhee, MSW is an internationally recognized divorce parenting expert, speaker, and author. Whether she is speaking, coaching, or writing her goal is to disrupt the status quo, and change divorce for the better by helping families redefine themselves in meaningful ways.
Show Highlights
- The way we talk about co-parenting with children by using the term “visitation” and why it’s a terrible term to use (5:53)
- When parents focus on what’s “fair” for them, children internalize that their actions must be “fair” in order to make their parents feel ok (12:05)
- What is wrong with the word custody, how it affects children, and why parenting time is a better term to use (21:10)
- When we talk about equitable time-sharing arrangements, we are talking about equal responsibility, plus Christina talks about the off-duty and on-duty parenting model (26:57)
- Why treating time with children as a commodity (50/50, 60/40, etc.) is damaging (39:59)
- What is wrong with referring to your co-parent as your ex (51:53)
Allison Raskin’s book Overthinking About You is the first of its kind that talks about dating and mental health. This week, Allison joins me for a conversation about talking to a potential partner about mental health topics, why caring for your mental health when dating is important, and some tactical strategies to help you be better prepared to tackle dating and relationships with confidence.
Allison is a comedian, a mental health advocate and the host of the popular "Just Between Us" podcast, and co-creator of a YouTube channel by the same name. Join us for this insightful and important conversation.
Show Highlights
- Why talking about dating and mental health is not commonplace (and why it should be) (2:14)
- How to open up about mental health with a potential partner (9:45)
- Creating a safe space for dating and caring for your mental health (12:35)
- Allison stresses the importance of self-soothing techniques before you start dating (18:16)
- Online dating tips and strategies (40:25)
Learn more about Allison Raskin:
Allison Raskin has written and developed multiple TV shows and created the original scripted podcast Gossip. A vocal mental health advocate, Allison also runs the mental health-focused Instagram account @emotionalsupportlady. She knows the challenges of navigating romantic relationships with mental health issues firsthand. She was diagnosed with OCD at 4 years old and also lives with a general anxiety disorder.
Resources & Links:Information and links can also be found at: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/overthinking-about-you-with-allison-raskin/
Allison’s website
Allison’s book
Allison on Instagram
Emotional Support Lady on Instagram
Just Between Us podcast
TODAY’S EPISODE IS SPONSORED BY:
THE REVISED SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO? PROGRAM
An online coaching program designed to help you make the right decision about your marriage...once and for all. In this groundbreaking online coaching program, you’ll unlock the support, education and deep transformational work you need to finally answer to your most burning question: should I stay or should I go?
JOIN THE SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO FACEBOOK GROUP
Have you ever wondered what it’s like being a child of divorced parents? This week, Bella Duncan of a Kid With Two Homes joins me to share her experience as a child of divorce. She shares her experiences of divorce, separation, and family conflict.
Bella is determined to make a change for the better. She has gone between two homes since her parents divorced when she was three years old. Growing up in two homes, she experienced firsthand many of the issues children of divorce face as a young adults. I learned a lot from my conversation with Bella. She is so smart and insightful at such a young age. She is truly remarkable.
Show Highlights
- Why Bella stresses the importance of communication skills between kids and their divorced parents (8:35)
- What high conflict means to a child of divorce and how it feels to be the child in the middle (12:47)
- “Being in the middle makes you feel like you are responsible for your parents’ conflict.” (15:52)
- Accepting your parents' divorce is an ongoing process and something you have to consistently work on, even as a young adult (22:47)
- A reminder that your child’s perspective about your divorce can be vastly different from your own (25:09)
- Why a child should never feel responsible or guilty about spending quality time with their parents (32:03)
- How parents can do better for children of divorce (39:18)
Learn more about Bella Duncan:
Bella is an empowered kid of divorce who is determined to make change for the better. Currently, at 23, Bella has recently completed a Bachelor of Law and a Bachelor of Psychology. Bella has gone between two homes since her parents divorced at age three. Growing up in two homes, she experienced firsthand many of the issues children of divorce face. As a young adult, she was inspired to provide a helpful resource to help kids of divorce feel seen, heard, and less alone.
Resources & Links: Links and information may also be found at: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/a-kid-with-two-homes-with-bella-duncan/
Submit your questions for a future Q&A episode!
A Kid with Two Homes
Bella’s Packing Instagram video post
Bella on Instagram
Leanne Oaten is back on the podcast! Listeners loved her previous episode so much that I invited her back to talk about what happens after you get out of an abusive relationship. We discuss the post-separation aftermath, which many women are not prepared for. Once all the dust settles and the reality sets in, questions and emotions bubble to the surface. We explore all the complexities of what happens when you re-awaken to life after domestic abuse. Leanne is a former counselor who helps women decide whether to stay or leave their toxic, abusive, narcissistic relationship without wasting time going to therapy.
Show Highlights
- Why women begin to question the abuse that transpired after they get out (4:11)
- Using apps is a good solution for co-parenting with an abusive ex (9:57)
- The emotional aspect of what lies on the other side once you’ve separated (14:10)
- How to prepare for the what happens to you emotionally and physically after leaving an abuser (19:19)
- Setting boundaries and understanding where to draw the line - also realize you aren’t going to do it perfectly (24:44)
- You can be friendly with a co-parent but you don’t have to be friends (28:37)
Learn more about Leanne Oaten
Leanne Oaten is a former counselor with over 9 years of experience coaching and supporting clients. After working in the counseling field in private practice for several years, she decided to go virtual with her business to serve women all over the world. She educates and guides women who are experiencing narcissistic abuse to end the cycle and get clarity on whether to stay or leave.
Leanne Oaten founded Awakening Women Support in 2018 to begin sharing her unique and no bullsh*t perspectives on the patterns of narcissistic abuse and posts daily over on Instagram at instagram.com/awakeningwomensupport.
Resources & Links:
Information and links can also be found at: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/what-happens-after-you-leave-your-abusive-marriage-with-leanne-oaten/
Submit your questions for a future Q&A episode!
Leanne’s website
How to Know Whether to Stay or Leave Your Toxic Relationship
Lundy Bancroft episode
Peaceful Parent App
TODAY’S EPISODE IS SPONSORED BY:
THE DIVORCE SURVIVAL PROGRAM
As one of the pioneers of the divorce coaching industry, I’ve been helping women (most of whom are moms) navigate the divorce process for the last decade.
AND NOW, FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER, ALL OF MY DIVORCE WISDOM IS AVAILABLE IN ONE ONLINE PROGRAM.
**This program is 100% for you if…**
- You’re a mom looking for a clear roadmap to a divorce that won’t destroy your kids
- You’re looking for answers and a roadmap
- You understand that divorce is a long game
- You’re willing to put away your boxing gloves
- You want this to be a respectful and collaborative process in service of your kids
-
You understand that divorce is, first and foremost, an emotional process and you’re ready to ‘go there’
**Are you ready to learn from one of the world’s top divorce experts and set yourself on the path towards the best possible outcome?**YEAH, Y’ARE!!!
JOIN THE SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO FACEBOOK GROUP
I am incredibly honored to have Lundy Bancroft on the show with me to talk about what life is like after domestic abuse, post-separation abuse, and healing from trauma. Lundy Bancroft is the author of five books in the field, including the national prize-winner The Batterer as Parent, Why Does He Do That?, When Dad Hurts Mom, Daily Wisdom and Should I Stay Or Should I Go? He has worked with over a thousand abusers directly as an intervention counselor, and has served as clinical supervisor on another thousand cases
Show Highlights
- Acknowledging that you do have a right to be heard about the injustice that was done. But do it in a way that is not hurting you (8:20)
- What to do when you get in a custody dispute with your abuser, why you need an attorney who understands divorcing an abuser, as well as, what to know if you represent yourself (10:51)
- The myth that a man can abuse a child’s mother and still be a great dad. It’s impossible. The single best predictor of how a man will treat their children is how they treat their child’s mother (28:34)
- How a woman can increase her chance of a favorable divorce outcome (34:05)
- Social change and what is really needed to reform the family court system (45:14)
- How the fathers' rights movement is an abusers’ movement and what we can do in the face of it (50:37)
Learn more about Lundy Bancroft:
Lundy Bancroft is the author of five books in the field, including the national prize-winner The Batterer as Parent, Why Does He Do That?, When Dad Hurts Mom, Daily Wisdom, and Should I Stay Or Should I Go? He has worked with over a thousand abusers directly as an intervention counselor and has served as a clinical supervisor on another thousand cases. He has also served extensively as a custody evaluator, child abuse investigator, and expert witness in domestic violence and child abuse cases. Lundy appears across the United States as a presenter for judges and other court personnel, child protective workers, therapists, law enforcement officials, and other audiences.
Resources & Links:
Links and resources may also be found at: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/lundy-bancroft
Last chance to Book a Sanity Saver Session in June!
Lundy’s website
Lundy’s books
Mothers on the Rise
TODAY’S EPISODE IS SPONSORED BY:
THE REVISED SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO? PROGRAM
An online coaching program designed to help you make the right decision about your marriage...once and for all. In this groundbreaking online coaching program, you’ll unlock the support, education and deep transformational work you need to finally answer to your most burning question: should I stay or should I go?
JOIN THE SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO FACEBOOK GROUP
We are talking today about social media narcissism and other harmful effects of using social media; like cyberbullying and the growth of the mental health crisis among today’s youth. My guest, Lena Derhally, helps us to better understand these topics during our conversation and in her newest book, The Facebook Narcissist: How to Identify and Protect Yourself and Your Loved Ones from Social Media Narcissism. Not only do we discuss social media, but we also delve into narcissism and how it shows up and is exacerbated by social media.
This episode is not a call to arms to deactivate your social media accounts. Instead, it is a reminder to be mindful of social media and its effects on all facets of our lives, as well as a reminder to learn how to protect ourselves and our kids from the negative effects we are seeing from social media today.
Show Highlights
- Why is narcissism such a huge topic right now? (4:22)
- How some narcissists are exploitive in nature and what that actually means (10:24)
- The subtypes of narcissism: grandiose, vulnerable, communal, and collective (6:29)
- How social media affects narcissism and narcissistic behaviors (24:16)
- The addictive nature of social media, influencer culture, and the effects on mental health (33:37)
- How the narcissistic thread in social media is impacting our relationships (40:21)
- Social media, cyberbullying, and its role in the growing mental health crisis of children (51:41)
- Why Lena believes there needs to be more resources and attention on the effects of social media (52:12)
- How to be an empathetic digital citizen (58:07)
Learn more about Lena Derhally:
Lena Derhally is a Washington DC-based licensed and Imago certified psychotherapist in private practice. She is the author of the Amazon True Crime and Criminology bestseller, My Daddy is a Hero: How Chris Watts Went from Family Man to Family Killer, and the forthcoming pop psychology book, The Facebook Narcissist: How to Identify and Protect Yourself and Your Loved Ones from Social Media Narcissism. Her work and expertise have been featured in Oprah Magazine, SELF, Glamour, The Washington Post, A&E, Hollywood Life, The Huffington Post, Law and Crime, Tubi TV, and more. She was formerly a clinical instructor in the Department of Psychiatry and Behavioral Sciences at the George Washington School of Medicine, where she mentored medical students, and she is on the advisory board of 1455 Literary Arts.
Resources & Links:Links and information can also be found at: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/the-facebook-narcissist-with-lena-derhally/
Book a Sanity Saver Session in May or June
Lena on Instagram
Lena on Facebook (author page)
Lena's website
How to Protect Yourself From Digital Abuse with Adam Dodge
TODAY’S EPISODE IS SPONSORED BY:
THE DIVORCE SURVIVAL PROGRAM
As one of the pioneers of the divorce coaching industry, I’ve been helping women (most of whom are moms) navigate the divorce process for the last decade.
AND NOW, FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER, ALL OF MY DIVORCE WISDOM IS AVAILABLE IN ONE ONLINE PROGRAM.
**This program is 100% for you if…**
- You’re a mom looking for a clear roadmap to a divorce that won’t destroy your kids
- You’re looking for answers and a roadmap
- You understand that divorce is a long game
- You’re willing to put away your boxing gloves
- You want this to be a respectful and collaborative process in service of your kids
-
You understand that divorce is, first and foremost, an emotional process and you’re ready to ‘go there’
**Are you ready to learn from one of the world’s top divorce experts and set yourself on the path towards the best possible outcome?**YEAH, Y’ARE!!!
JOIN THE SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO FACEBOOK GROUP
This week I welcome to the show the anonymous woman behind the popular and informative Instagram account, Narcissist_Survivor. The purpose of the account and their work is to expose the truth about narcissists, which is also what we do in this episode. We discuss the complexities of being in a relationship with a narcissist, share red flags, and go deep on the topic of high-profile cases and narcissistic abuse.
Show Highlights
- Red flags to watch out for when it comes to narcissists and dating (6:21)
- The patriarchy’s effects on relationships and mental health in today’s world (8:52)
- Narcissists may use the court system to perpetuate financial or post-separation abuse (16:04)
- Examples of narcissistic abuse in high profile cases such as Gabby Petito and Johnny Depp/Amber Heard (21:00)
- Abuse is not an anger management problem (30:45)
Learn more about Narcissist_Survivor:
Narcissist Survivor is an outspoken expert, advocate, guest speaker, specialist and consultant on narcissism, narcissistic abuse, domestic violence, Narcissistic Personality Disorder, and abuse recovery.
Narcissist Survivor began in 2013, typing the words "Am I crazy?" into the search engine, and seeing the word "Narcissist" for the very first time.
That began three years of voracious study on narcissism, NPD, Cluster B Personality Disorders, Adverse Childhood Experiences, trauma, Complex PTSD, child abuse and neglect, as well as formal Domestic Violence training, and continuing education on these important issues.
This in turn gave way to the creation of @narcissist_survivor on Instagram which now has over 183k followers in 2015.
Find help, resources, information and support in your recovery from narcissistic abuse on Instagram @narcissist_survivor
Narcissistic Abuse Recovery phone sessions are offered within North America.
Resources & Links:Links and information may also be found at: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/the-truth-about-narcissistic-abuse-with-narcissist_survivor
Narcissist_Survivor on Instagram
Book a Sanity Saver Session in May or June
TODAY’S EPISODE IS SPONSORED BY:
THE REVISED SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO? PROGRAM
An online coaching program designed to help you make the right decision about your marriage...once and for all. In this groundbreaking online coaching program, you’ll unlock the support, education and deep transformational work you need to finally answer to your most burning question: should I stay or should I go?
JOIN THE SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO FACEBOOK GROUP
Matthew Fray, author of This Is How Your Marriage Ends: A Hopeful Approach To Saving Relationships, has been on my guest wishlist for a really long time. That is why I am truly delighted to share our conversation with you. Matt joins me to talk about how men can show up as better partners in relationships.
I first learned about Matt when I read his now-viral blog post, “She Divorced Me Because I Left the Dishes Near the Sink.” It’s not just about dishes. It never truly is, now is it? Matt shares his experiences with writing that blog post, the lessons he has learned since his divorce, and offers insight on how men can become mindfully aware of their spouses' experiences, share in the division of labor in relationships, and more.
Show Highlights
- How his blog post aims to invite a conversation about what is allowed to matter (5:55)
- In relationships, there is a discrepancy between values, preferences, and things that affect one another (6:44)
- Marriage and the man card in cis-hetero gendered relationships (9:14)
- Matthew describes the invalidation triple threat: aka the ways in which we invalidate people when we disagree with them (17:14)
- Be mindful of the little things we are not paying attention to because they are often the root of relationship issues (23:41)
- We explore four key relationship skills including how to argue or disagree effectively (38:19)
Learn more about Matthew Fray:
Matthew Fray is the author of This Is How Your Marriage Ends A Hopeful Approach To Saving Relationships. With the humorous, entertaining, and counterintuitive approach of "The Subtle Art Of Not Giving A F," and the practical insights of "The 5 Love Languages," "This Is How Your Marriage Ends" helps readers identify relationship-killing behavior patterns in their own lives - and offers solutions to break free from the cycles of dysfunction and destruction. Fray is a relationship coach and writer who leans on the lessons of his failed marriage and divorce to help others avoid making the same mistakes he did. His writing has been featured in The New York Times, The Sunday Times, The Huffington Post, Babble, and many more. His blog Must Be This Tall To Ride has a dedicated following and has reached millions of readers.
Resources & Links:
Book a Sanity Saver Session in May or June
Matthew's website
Matthew's new book
Matthew on Twitter
Matthew on Facebook
She Divorced Me Because I Left the Dishes by the Sink
TODAY’S EPISODE IS SPONSORED BY: SOBERLINK Proof. Protection. Peace of Mind.
The Soberlink remote alcohol monitoring system consists of a portable breathalyzer with wireless technology for real-time results. With proven use as the leading choice in child custody cases since 2011, we are the only system that combines:
- Court admissibility in all 50 states
- Facial recognition
- Tamper detection
- Easy-to-read Advanced Reporting™
Trust the Experts in Remote Alcohol Monitoring Technology™ to support the best interests of the child in your Family Law cases.
JOIN THE SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO FACEBOOK GROUP
Digital abuse is becoming an increasingly large problem. In this episode, Adam Dodge joins me for a discussion about the ways in which current or former partners may be misusing the internet and tech to harm individuals in unhealthy and abusive relationships. Adam is a licensed attorney whose work is characterized by his dedication to preventing and addressing the ways adults and children are harmed online and via their devices. He is the founder of EndTAB and is an internationally recognized digital safety expert who believes you do not have to be a tech expert to stay safe in the digital age.
Together we discuss all things digital safety, autonomy, and abuse. Adam shines a light on unauthorized account access, digital gaslighting, and tracking devices. This episode is a reminder that you can prevent the violation of your digital safety, often more easily than you think. Online abuse is deeply traumatic and harmful. You deserve to be safe in your relationships, whether you are offline or online.
Show Highlights
- How technology is used as a tactic in abuse (4:53)
- Unauthorized account access: personal autonomy includes consent to your accounts, technology, and apps (6:01)
- What you need to know about password safety and other steps to take in order to protect your online accounts (9:19)
- Dealing with harassment on social media, why blocking someone could have unintended consequences, and why you might want to mute/restrict instead (17:03)
- Adam answers the question, “Can my Amazon Echo be used for eavesdropping?” (25:39)
- How to figure out if you have a spy device in your home (26:38)
- Everything you need to know about stalkerware (39:10)
- Can your ex mirror your computer or device and see everything you are inputting? (34:28)
- Adam tells us about Smartphone air tags which are being used as a tracking device (41:19)
Learn more about Adam Dodge:
The founder of EndTAB, Adam is an internationally recognized digital safety expert who believes you do not have to be a tech expert to stay safe in the digital age. His work is characterized by his dedication to preventing and addressing the ways adults and children are harmed online and via their devices. He has written and presented extensively on digital safety, online abuse prevention, technology-enabled abuse, and co-authored the first safety advisory on the emerging threat of ‘deepfakes.’
A frequent speaker and lecturer at universities and national conferences, Adam is also a special advisor to the Coalition Against Stalkerware and sits on the World Economic Forum's Digital Justice Advisory Committee. His work and expertise has been featured on CBS and in Vogue, the MIT Technology Review, Washington Post, NBC News, the Verge, Mashable, Wall Street Journal, SELF Magazine, Los Angeles Times, GQ, HuffPost and others. Adam is a licensed attorney in California and prior to founding EndTAB, he spent 9 years leading the legal department at Southern California Domestic Violence Nonprofit. He earned his B.A. from UC Santa Barbara and his J.D. by way of McGeorge School of Law and Hastings College of the Law.
Resources & Links:Information and resources may also be found at: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/how-to-protect-yourself-from-digital-abuse-with-adam-dodge
All New Should I Stay or Should I Go? program
Adam's website
Adam on Instagram
Adam on Twitter
Adam on LinkedIn
Fing App
Stopstalkerware.org
Consumer Reports security planner
TODAY’S EPISODE IS SPONSORED BY:
THE DIVORCE SURVIVAL PROGRAM
As one of the pioneers of the divorce coaching industry, I’ve been helping women (most of whom are moms) navigate the divorce process for the last decade.
AND NOW, FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER, ALL OF MY DIVORCE WISDOM IS AVAILABLE IN ONE ONLINE PROGRAM.
**This program is 100% for you if…**
- You’re a mom looking for a clear roadmap to a divorce that won’t destroy your kids
- You’re looking for answers and a roadmap
- You understand that divorce is a long game
- You’re willing to put away your boxing gloves
- You want this to be a respectful and collaborative process in service of your kids
-
You understand that divorce is, first and foremost, an emotional process and you’re ready to ‘go there’
**Are you ready to learn from one of the world’s top divorce experts and set yourself on the path towards the best possible outcome?**YEAH, Y’ARE!!!
JOIN THE SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO FACEBOOK GROUP
This week I have the joy of welcoming the exEXPERTS, T.H. Irwin and Jessica Klingbaum, to the show. They're best friends who got divorced at the same time 14 years ago but had totally different divorce experiences. In this episode, they share their experience maneuvering through the overwhelming journey of divorce.
They also share how they’ve used their own divorce experiences to create a place online where anyone can go for any phase of divorce, answer all the questions, and feel educated about the process and everything that goes into it.
Show Highlights
- T.H. and Jessica share the parallels as well as the big differences between their divorce stories (5:50)
- How and why they decided to create their online platform, exEXPERTS (17:15)
- Honoring the tough issues of divorce including abuse in relationships (17:35)
- Owning your own experience and story of divorce (26:23)
- T.H. shares her experience divorcing a narcissist (33:46)
Learn more about T.H. Irwin & Jessica Klingbaum:
T.H. Irwin and Jessica Klingbaum are the co-founders of the online platform, exEXPERTS. They're best friends who got divorced at the same time 14 years ago, but had TOTALLY different divorce experiences. They realized back then that they didn't have the right resources to understand all the options and the different choices they needed to make, but they did have each other. So they used their own divorce experiences to create a place online where anyone can go for any phase of divorce, to answer all the questions and to feel educated about the process and everything that goes into it. As they like to say, they've lived it, so they get it!
Resources & Links:Information and resources may also be found at: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/owning-your-divorce-story-with-t-h-irwin-and-jessica-klingbaum The exExperts
The exExperts on Instagram
The exExperts on TikTok
The exExperts on Facebook
The exExperts on LinkedIn
TODAY’S EPISODE IS SPONSORED BY:
THE REVISED SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO? PROGRAM
**An online coaching program designed to help you make the right decision about your marriage...once and for all.** In this groundbreaking online coaching program, you’ll unlock the support, education and deep transformational work you need to finally answer to your most burning question: should I stay or should I go?
JOIN THE SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO FACEBOOK GROUP
This week I’m re-airing my episode with Dr. Elizabeth Cohen, where we discussed how to cope when your partner has an active addiction. Dr. Elizabeth Cohen helps people get a little more comfortable with something as painful as addiction and divorce. When you’re living with or divorcing a partner who has an active addiction, you may find yourself acting out different behaviors including the need to control every situation. You may become (or already be!) codependent, and you focus on their healing instead of your own. When you finally take the focus off of them and towards yourself you can begin to see light at the end of what may be a very dark tunnel.
Show Highlights
- When women share themselves openly and honestly, the world begins to split open (9:21)
- Focusing on your growth and healing is how we change our circumstances (11:06)
- Sublimating your own needs for someone else (23:00)
- Breaking the cycle of codependency (24:15)
- The core issue about a person abusing any substance is the difficulty sitting with emotions (34:41)
- A partner should never be responsible for healing the other (38:36)
- Some advice for those who are living with an active addict (47:33)
Learn More About Dr. Cohen: Dr. Cohen is the CEO and founder of the online divorce course and membership Afterglow: The Light at the Other Side of Divorce. This 14 week course teaches women how to heal, grow and thrive after divorce no matter how difficult the process has been. Dr. Cohen offers a monthly membership program to provide 1:1 coaching, expert support from divorce professionals and an engaged community of like-minded people. Dr. Cohen received her PhD in clinical psychology from Boston University. She was the recipient of the prestigious American Psychological Foundation Research Award for her doctoral research. She has been featured on the Tamron Hall Show, the Wall Street Journal, NBC News, Women’s Health, Huff Post, Thrive Global, Daily Beast and Good Housekeeping. Dr. Cohen is a weekly contributor to Psychology Today with her “Divorce Course” column.
Resources & Links:
Information and resources may also be found at: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/tbt-addiction-and-divorce-with-dr-elizabeth-cohen
The Revised Should I Stay or Should I Go is Now Available!
Dr. Cohen’s website
Dr. Cohen on Instagram
Facebook The Divorce Doctor- Elizabeth Cohen,PhD
14 Day Step-By-Step Guide To Make Any Tough Decision While Going Through Divorce
3 Steps to Take Right Now for A Stress-Free Divorce
Our Happy Divorce Livestream, Drugs, Alcohol, and Divorce with Kate and Elizabeth
Should I Stay or Should I Go Facebook Group
This week I am talking about covert emotional abuse with philanthropist and passionate human rights advocate, Annette Oltmans. Annette helps bring awareness to covert emotional abuse, a dangerous and common form of Domestic Violence. If you are a victim or think you might be a victim, this is a must-listen episode.
Annette’s personal experiences of prolonged emotional abuse in marriage and her extensive journey of recovery including comprehensive field research into the topics of Original Abuse and Double Abuse® ignited her passion for founding The M3ND Project in 2016.
Show Highlights:
- What motivated Annette to found the M3ND Project (6:45)
- Some of the definitions of covert emotional abuse like blame-shifting or minimization of the victim’s perspective (10:47)
- Annette shares the four pillars of abuse and what drives abusive thinking (25:50)
- Realizing you are a victim and changing the worldview of your relationship with your abuser brings on a new layer of stress (40:21)
- Abuse recovery and insights and advice for those thinking about repairing their relationship after their partner has begun therapy (41:00)
Learn more about Annette:
Annette Oltmans is a philanthropist and passionate human rights advocate. Annette’s personal experiences of prolonged emotional abuse in marriage and her extensive journey of recovery including comprehensive field research into the topics of Original Abuse and Double Abuse® ignited her passion to founding The M3ND Project in 2016. While seeking the help of professionals and responders, she experienced Double Abuse® in the form of spiritual and institutional abuse. These harmful encounters compelled Annette in her relentless pursuit for solutions that involved interviews with hundreds of victims and survivors. She uncovered common threads that cause victims prolonged states of confusion as well as what ultimately led them towards healing. Her journey also involved interviews with hundreds of faith-based leaders and therapists which led her to discover that most are untrained and ill-equipped to identify and help victims of emotional, verbal, and psychological abuse. In working to prevent and remediate such harm, Annette developed protocoled models that are now being taught and implemented with therapists, churches and professional organizations across the United States. She consulted with esteemed experts in abuse, trauma, and healing to ensure the materials align with the highest professional standards. Annette also serves on the Board of Pepperdine University’s Boone Center for the Family and is a Board of Trustee member of Northrise University in Zambia. Her writing on these topics of abuse, domestic violence, and bullying has been published in the American Association of Christian Counselors (AACC), Teen Vogue, and numerous other publications. Annette is also a contributing author in the newly released book, "Created to Thrive: Cultivating Abuse-Free Safe Communities".
Resources & Links:
Information and resources may also be found at: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/covert-emotional-abuse-with-annette-oltmans
The Revised Should I Stay or Should I Go is Now Available!
The M3nd Project Website
Tools and Resources from The M3ND Project
The M3ND Project on Facebook
The M3ND Project on Instagram
The M3nd Project on YouTube
The M3nd Project on Twitter
TODAY’S EPISODE IS SPONSORED BY:
THE DIVORCE SURVIVAL PROGRAM
As one of the pioneers of the divorce coaching industry, I’ve been helping women (most of whom are moms) navigate the divorce process for the last decade.
AND NOW, FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER, ALL OF MY DIVORCE WISDOM IS AVAILABLE IN ONE ONLINE PROGRAM.
**This program is 100% for you if…**
- You’re a mom looking for a clear roadmap to a divorce that won’t destroy your kids
- You’re looking for answers and a roadmap
- You understand that divorce is a long game
- You’re willing to put away your boxing gloves
- You want this to be a respectful and collaborative process in service of your kids
-
You understand that divorce is, first and foremost, an emotional process and you’re ready to ‘go there’
**Are you ready to learn from one of the world’s top divorce experts and set yourself on the path towards the best possible outcome?**YEAH, Y’ARE!!!
JOIN THE SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO FACEBOOK GROUP
After last week’s Q&A episode, I received an outpouring of submissions from listeners with questions about co-parenting, relationships, and life after divorce. So I decided to do one more Q&A episode for you! This week I answer two co-parenting questions: one relates to how open to be with children about the details of your divorce, and the other has to do with co-parenting when your ex has a new partner. I also discuss mindset and mental health post-divorce, including how to cope with feelings of guilt or shame; and how to know if your new relationship is healthy for you.
In this episode, I answer these listener questions:
- How can I talk to my kids about the divorce process when leaving an emotionally and psychologically abusive marriage? There are things I can’t tell them in order to respect their relationship with my ex. How do I let them know I am taking a stand, his behavior was not okay, but also respect their relationship with him?
- How do you know if your new relationship is healthy? After divorcing a narcissist, I am finding it hard to trust a new man and myself fully. But, I don’t want to sabotage a new relationship.
- My husband had a three-year affair with a co-worker half his age. He is still with her and she may end up being a stepmother to my children. My ex and I co-parent beautifully right now, adding her to the mix could ruin all we have accomplished. Help?
- How do I cope with feelings of guilt or shame over my divorce?
Want your question answered in a future episode? You can submit one anonymously. Submit your questions or story, right here.
Resources & Links:
Private Coaching with Kate Anthony
Listener Q&A: Co-parenting with a Narcissist, Dealing with a Manipulative Co-parent, and Supporting Your Children Through Divorce
Listener Q&A: Guilt, Denial & Changing Your NameJoin the 3-Day/Challenge Should I Stay or Should I Go? 11am PT in My Facebook Group
Should I Stay or Should I Go Facebook Group
The Meadows Survivors 1 Program
TODAY’S EPISODE IS SPONSORED BY:
THE DIVORCE SURVIVAL PROGRAM
As one of the pioneers of the divorce coaching industry, I’ve been helping women (most of whom are moms) navigate the divorce process for the last decade.
AND NOW, FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER, ALL OF MY DIVORCE WISDOM IS AVAILABLE IN ONE ONLINE PROGRAM.
**This program is 100% for you if…**
- You’re a mom looking for a clear roadmap to a divorce that won’t destroy your kids
- You’re looking for answers and a roadmap
- You understand that divorce is a long game
- You’re willing to put away your boxing gloves
- You want this to be a respectful and collaborative process in service of your kids
-
You understand that divorce is, first and foremost, an emotional process and you’re ready to ‘go there’
**Are you ready to learn from one of the world’s top divorce experts and set yourself on the path towards the best possible outcome?**YEAH, Y’ARE!!!
JOIN THE SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO FACEBOOK GROUP
Earlier this month I aired a listener Q&A episode which ended up being a favorite of listeners, as well as women in my Facebook group. It’s important to me to cover topics that resonate with you. So, here I am again, with another Q&A episode! This time I answer four questions around the topics of supporting your children through divorce, including co-parenting with a narcissist and how to handle a manipulative co-parent. I also cover how to communicate you want a divorce to a partner who struggles with mental illness.
If you like this Q&A format, I need your questions. You can submit them anonymously. Submit your questions or story, right here. I hope to hear from you soon.
In this episode, I answer these listener questions:
- Can you provide suggestions or resources for children of narcissistic parents?
- How do you get out of a marriage or co-parent when your partner struggles with mental illness?
- What to do when your soon-to-be-ex-spouse tries to take full custody, restricts parenting time, and claims unfounded allegations, false narratives, or manipulative behavior to make you look like an unfit parent?
- I am worried about the effects on my children after staying in a marriage with a narcissist for 28 years. How can I support my children after staying in a marriage with and then divorcing a narcissist?
Resources & Links:Resources and information may also be found at: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/listener-qa-co-parenting-with-a-narcissist-dealing-with-a-manipulative-co-parent-and-supporting-your-children-through-divorce/
Private Coaching with Kate Anthony
Join the 3-Day/Challenge Should I Stay or Should I Go? 11am PT in My Facebook Group
Should I Stay or Should I Go Facebook Group
Raising Resilient Children with a Borderline or Narcissistic Parent, Margalis Fjelstad, Jean McBride
BLOG: How To Tell Your Husband You Want a Divorce
Are Your A Highly Sensitive Person with Dr. Amelia Kelley
High-Conflict Divorce and Family Court Advocacy with Tina Swithin
The Top Eight Symptoms of Narcissistic Abuse with Leanne Oaten
TODAY’S EPISODE IS SPONSORED BY:
SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO?
**An online coaching program designed to help you make the right decision about your marriage...once and for all.** In this groundbreaking online coaching program, you’ll unlock the support, education and deep transformational work you need to finally answer to your most burning question: should I stay or should I go?
JOIN THE SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO FACEBOOK GROUP
Dr. Amelia Kelley returns to the show for a deep dive into what it means to be a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP). Dr. Kelley is a trauma-informed therapist. She is a trained Art therapist, HSP Therapist, EMDR-informed therapist, meditation teacher, as well as a Certified Yoga instructor.
This episode is near and dear to my heart because I identify as a Highly Sensitive Person. Once I learned what an HSP is and how it affects the way I see the world around me, it was truly eye-opening! We discuss what being an HSP means, strategies for self-care, and how being an HSP can affect relationships. If you identify as an HSP, think you are one or are married to someone who is - this episode is a must-listen.
“Being a Highly Sensitive Person is not something to be changed or hidden. It is an exceptional quality. It’s a superpower.” Dr. Amelia Kelley
Show Highlights
- Highly Sensitive Person (HSP): what is and how it relates to how your brain processes to the world around you. (4:21)
- D.O.E.S: Depth of processing, Overarousal, Emotional Intensity, Sensory Sensitivity. (5:12)
- Are you a Highly Sensitive Person? We discuss the HSP test and various results. (7:28)
- HSPs can also be High sensation-seeking Persons. (8:10)
- The challenges and strengths of being an HSP in a relationship. (13:43)
- Is being an HSP genetic? (21:25)
- Why HSPs get more out of yoga, therapy, or meditation sessions. (23:25)
- The highly reactive state of HSPs - both positive and negative. (24:08)
- We explore some of the ways HSPs may experience divorce. (27:42)
- Dr. Kelley’s top 5 self-care strategies for Highly Sensitive People. (43:21)
- Some ways HSPs can be affected physically, including hypersensitivity to caffeine. (48:22)
Learn more about Dr. Kelley:
Dr. Amelia Kelley is a trauma-informed therapist who has conducted research on the effects of exercise on ADHD symptoms as well as the effects of resiliency on PTSD. She is a trained Hypno-therapist, Art therapist, HSP Therapist, EMDR-informed therapist and meditation and Yoga teacher. She is a presenter and writer in the “science-help” field focusing on relationships, Highly Sensitive Persons, trauma, motivation, healthy living, and adult ADHD. She is a guest podcast presenter focusing on women’s issues and coping with the trauma of unhealthy relationships, as well as a coach and trainer for SAS's Work/Life Program in Cary, NC and a resident trainer for the NC Art Therapy Institute. Her practice is also currently part of the Traumatic Stress Research Consortium at the Kinsey Institute. www.Ameliakelley.com
Resources & Links:Resources and information may also be found at: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/are-you-a-highly-sensitive-person-with-dr-amelia-kelley
Submit your questions to me about divorce or whether you should stay or go, here!
Amelia’s website
Amelia on Instagram
Amelia on Facebook
What I Wish I Knew Book on Facebook
HSPerson.com
The Highly Sensitive Person, Elaine Aron
TODAY’S EPISODE IS SPONSORED BY:
THE DIVORCE SURVIVAL PROGRAM
As one of the pioneers of the divorce coaching industry, I’ve been helping women (most of whom are moms) navigate the divorce process for the last decade.
AND NOW, FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER, ALL OF MY DIVORCE WISDOM IS AVAILABLE IN ONE ONLINE PROGRAM.
**This program is 100% for you if…**
- You’re a mom looking for a clear roadmap to a divorce that won’t destroy your kids
- You’re looking for answers and a roadmap
- You understand that divorce is a long game
- You’re willing to put away your boxing gloves
- You want this to be a respectful and collaborative process in service of your kids
-
You understand that divorce is, first and foremost, an emotional process and you’re ready to ‘go there’
**Are you ready to learn from one of the world’s top divorce experts and set yourself on the path towards the best possible outcome?**YEAH, Y’ARE!!!
JOIN THE SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO FACEBOOK GROUP
The conflict some women experience in their relationships isn’t always just “run of the mill” conflict. In fact, in many cases it is abuse. So, how do you know if what you’re experiencing is conflict or something more sinister like narcissistic abuse? Joining me to discuss the top eight experiences of women who are in a narcissistic abusive relationship is Leanne Oaten.
Leanne’s passion is to guide women who are experiencing narcissistic abuse to end the cycle and get clarity on whether to stay or leave. Our hope is that by listening to this episode, you will be able to recognize whether or not the experiences that are occurring in your life, line up with the top eight experiences we discuss. And if they do, you can begin to seek out support and decide your next steps.
Show Highlights
- The difference between abuse and narcissistic abuse. (4:19)
- How a narcissist uses gaslighting to distort your reality. (6:10)
- The extreme highs and lows women experience including love bombing and depression. (9:52)
- The effects of blame-shifting. (12:16)
- His or her crazy-making conversation is a tool the narcissist uses to divert from the original point so they don’t have to take responsibility. (23:03)
- Trauma bonding and the narcissistic abusive relationship. (42:09)
- Don’t go to therapy with your abuser. Don't do it. (46:05)
Learn more about Leanne Oaten:
Leanne Oaten is a former counselor with over 9 years of experience coaching and supporting clients. After working in the counseling field in private practice for several years, she decided to go virtual with her business to serve women all over the world. She educates and guides women who are experiencing narcissistic abuse to end the cycle and get clarity on whether to stay or leave.
Leanne Oaten founded Awakening Women Support in 2018 to begin sharing her unique and no bullsh*t perspectives on the patterns of narcissistic abuse and posts daily over on Instagram at instagram.com/awakeningwomensupport.
Resources & Links:
Links and information may also be found at: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/the-top-eight-symptoms-of-narcissistic-abuse-with-leanne-oaten
Submit your questions about divorce or whether you should stay or go, here!
Leanne's website
Leanne on Instagram
Awakening Women Podcast can be found on iTunes and Spotify
End the Cycle Evolve
Pain to Power Bootcamp 3 Part Video + Email series
TODAY’S EPISODE IS SPONSORED BY: SOBERLINK Proof. Protection. Peace of Mind.
The Soberlink remote alcohol monitoring system consists of a portable breathalyzer with wireless technology for real-time results. With proven use as the leading choice in child custody cases since 2011, we are the only system that combines:
- Court-admissibility in all 50 states
- Facial recognition
- Tamper detection
- Easy-to-read Advanced Reporting™
Trust the Experts in Remote Alcohol Monitoring Technology™ to support the best interests of the child in your Family Law cases.
JOIN THE SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO FACEBOOK GROUP
This week, we are covering all things domestic violence, law enforcement, and the court. Joining me is Kelli Blackburn, a San-Diego County based attorney specializing in high-conflict domestic violence, child custody, and divorce.
Together we talk about domestic violence and the legal implications and give a full explanation of what domestic violence is and how it can intertwine with welfare services. We also explore the underlying litigation that may or may not come from a domestic violence case.
Kelli shares in detail what to do if or when you find yourself in a domestic abuse situation - including how to navigate a restraining order. If you're experiencing any kind of domestic violence, please listen to my conversation with Kelli Blackburn.
Show Highlights
- How to best educate yourself about domestic violence if you are currently experiencing it. (3:19)
- Clarifying what domestic violence is and what it encompasses. (3:43)
- Obtaining a temporary restraining order: everything you need to know. (7:35)
- How to know it is time to call a shelter and/or get out of a situation immediately. (27:32)
- Things to be aware of when you do leave, seek help, or go to the police, especially if children are involved. (26:17)
- The purpose of an emergency protective order and who can issue one. (36:05)
- What you need to know when law enforcement responds to a domestic violence call. (36:54)
- Victims don’t decide to prosecute or not prosecute. That is the role of the district attorney. (40:02)
- Why it’s important for victims to have attorneys who are professionals in domestic violence. (43:07)
- Know your audience: be aware that not every audience member of the family court will understand your action or inaction in a domestic violence case. (50:47)
Learn more about Kelli:
Kelli Blackburn is San-Diego County based attorney specializing in high-conflict domestic violence, child custody, and divorce. She was born in Northern California, but has been a Southern California resident for over a decade. She attended California Western School of Law, in downtown San Diego where she earned her Juris Doctorate. Throughout law school Kelli interned with the San Diego County Public Defender’s office where she gained invaluable litigation experience. After graduating from law school, she ran a boutique law firm in La Jolla, California, where she became the main litigator and the Managing Partner in just 2 years.
In the last 2.5 years, Kelli has represented over 1,000 clients and handled numerous criminal defense, and family law matters. She has also defended and prosecuted several Civil Harassment Restraining Orders. Kelli prides herself on her work ethic, tireless dedication to her clients – always working to achieve their objectives; her unwavering loyalty to resolution of their legal issues; and her paramount focus on the result of your case and your future.
She has been recognized by both the American Academy of Attorneys Top 40 Under 40, and The National Trial Association Top 40 Under 40, for her success, results, and experience.
Resources & Links:Show notes and links may also be accessed at: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/domestic-violence-and-the-law-with-kelli-blackburn
Kelli's website
National Domestic Violence Hotline
TODAY’S EPISODE IS SPONSORED BY:
SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO?
**An online coaching program designed to help you make the right decision about your marriage...once and for all.** In this groundbreaking online coaching program, you’ll unlock the support, education and deep transformational work you need to finally answer to your most burning question: should I stay or should I go?
JOIN THE SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO FACEBOOK GROUP
Debra Doak is back on the show, this time to talk about all things conflict and divorce. Debra is a Certified Divorce Coach, Certified Divorce Financial Analyst, Family Court Mediator, and the author of High-Conflict Divorce for Women. In this episode, we dissect what it means to have conflict, how (and why) it happens, and what to do when it inevitably shows up in the midst of your divorce.
Debra believes that while all divorce involves some degree of conflict, most of us have much more influence on the cost and the outcome than we realize - and much of that revolves around HOW we approach and respond to that conflict.
Show Highlights
- What conflict is and what causes it to escalate in divorce. (5:02)
- An amicable divorce does not mean no conflict. Divorce will have conflict. (8:47)
- What factors contribute to a breakdown in communication when in divorce negotiation. Debra also explains the “assumption iceberg.” (9:44)
- The five ways people deal with conflict, including assertive or collaborative. (13:01)
- Effective mediation versus where mediation goes wrong. (15:06)
- Collaborative conflict divorce takes the longest, but it also has the best outcome for everyone. (18:09)
- How to invite your soon-to-be-ex into a collaborative discussion. (22:43)
- How to manage conflict in the moment: use the power of Yes/And. (32:22)
- Tools for dealing with a high-conflict situation or conversation. (37:33)
- The key to setting yourself up for success in divorce is preparation. (43:47)
Learn more about Debra:
Debra is a Certified Divorce Coach, Certified Divorce Financial Analyst, Pre-Mediation Divorce Coach, Family Court Mediator, and the author of High-Conflict Divorce for Women. In addition to working one-on-one with clients, Debra spends time teaching and mentoring new divorce coaches. She is the instructor for the High Conflict portion of the CDC Certified Divorce Coach program, a long-time mentor coach for the CDC program, and is a co-founder and master educator at Divorce Coaches Academy - an online continuing education platform for professional divorce coaches.
She is committed to helping clients speak up for what they deserve in their relationships or at the negotiating table. In her practice, she works one-on-one with clients to help them prepare for a kinder, gentler divorce by providing the practical support and financial information clients need to punch fear in the face.
Debra is dedicated to the profession of divorce coaching and its role as a method of alternative dispute resolution. She believes that while all divorce involves some degree of conflict, most of us have much more influence on the cost and the outcome than we realize - and much of that revolves around HOW we approach and respond to that conflict.
Resources & Links:
Show notes and resources may also be found at: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/conflict-in-divorce-with-debra-doak/
Debra's website
Debra on Instagram
Debra on Facebook
Debra on LinkedIn
Free 5 Step Guide to Speak Up and Say What You Mean
Submit your questions about divorce or whether you should stay or go, here!
Should I Stay or Should I Go?
TODAY’S EPISODE IS SPONSORED BY:
THE DIVORCE SURVIVAL PROGRAM
As one of the pioneers of the divorce coaching industry, I’ve been helping women (most of whom are moms) navigate the divorce process for the last decade.
AND NOW, FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER, ALL OF MY DIVORCE WISDOM IS AVAILABLE IN ONE ONLINE PROGRAM.
**This program is 100% for you if…**
- You’re a mom looking for a clear roadmap to a divorce that won’t destroy your kids
- You’re looking for answers and a roadmap
- You understand that divorce is a long game
- You’re willing to put away your boxing gloves
- You want this to be a respectful and collaborative process in service of your kids
-
You understand that divorce is, first and foremost, an emotional process and you’re ready to ‘go there’
**Are you ready to learn from one of the world’s top divorce experts and set yourself on the path towards the best possible outcome?**YEAH, Y’ARE!!!
Being in a marriage with a narcissist is exhausting. Divorcing a narcissist is no less exhausting. Tracy Malone is a surTHRIVER of narcissistic abuse, speaker, educator, and emotional resilience coach. In this episode, she joins me to share insights and information from her latest book, DIVORCING Your NARCISSIST: You Can’t Make This Shit Up!
Tracy’s book is a fantastic reference for anyone who is thinking about or in the midst of a high-conflict divorce with a narcissist. During our conversation, we talk about how to protect yourself before, during, and after divorce. When you are divorcing a narcissist, knowledge is empowerment. Tracy is such a great resource on this topic. I hope you get a lot out of our conversation.
Show Highlights
- Lessons from DIVORCING Your NARCISSIST: You Can’t Make This Shit Up! (2:55)
- Why a rich narcissist can be much more vindictive than a poor one. (3:36)
- The masks a narcissist wears and how they use their masks to manipulate or trick the people around them. (4:28)
- Common mistakes people make when divorcing a narcissist. (10:31)
- The gray areas of the divorce decree! Tracy offers a reminder to get super finite about the details during your divorce. Plus, Tracy shares a specific decree that every divorce should have. (11:54)
- Post-separation legal abuse and how to protect against it. (16:14)
- Strategies for handling your emotional exhaustion. (26:27)
- Understanding (and having your support system understand) your triggers will be your salvation. (31:58)
- Why forming a team is so important to your divorce and how to determine what kind of lawyer you need. (34:18)
- The healing process and radical acceptance: addressing the wounds from narcissistic abuse and learning to let go of the things you cannot change. (42:31)
Learn more about Tracy:
Tracy Malone is a surTHRIVER of narcissistic abuse, speaker, educator, and emotional resilience coach. Tracy is the founder of NarcissistAbuseSupport.com, a global resource to victims of emotional abuse which offers support to those trying to break the ties with the narcissists in their lives. Tracy is the author of DIVORCING Your NARCISSIST: You Can’t Make This Shit Up!
Resources & Links:Show notes and links may also be accessed at:
https://kateanthony.com/podcast/divorcing-your-narcissist-you-cant-make-this-shit-up-with-tracy-malone
Tracy’s website
Tracy on Instagram
Tracy on Twitter
Tracy on YouTube
Narcissist Abuse Support Facebook Group
Red Flag checklist are you with a narcissist?
Questions to ask a lawyer before hiring them
Parenting guidelines by state
Pen Digital Voice Recorder
Submit your questions about divorce or whether you should stay or go, here!
Should I Stay or Should I Go?
TODAY’S EPISODE IS SPONSORED BY:
SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO?
**An online coaching program designed to help you make the right decision about your marriage...once and for all.** In this groundbreaking online coaching program, you’ll unlock the support, education and deep transformational work you need to finally answer to your most burning question: should I stay or should I go?
I’ve been a fan of Leslie Bennetts for quite some time. She is a journalist and expert on women's issues who has spoken all over the world on financial security and women's empowerment. She is the author of The Feminine Mistake: Are We Giving Up Too Much? She is also my guest this week on the podcast! I am so honored and excited to share this interview with you.
Leslie says, “After divorce, men’s standard of living goes up and women’s goes down a cliff.” The system is broken. Moreover, the blueprint for women’s lives is deeply antiquated. The women in my Facebook community have learned this the hard way. We need a new blueprint. Leslie joins me to bring light to this topic and offers ways we can work to rise up, overcome, and create a new, self-sufficient, path forward.
“It’s time for us to say, ‘No,’ this isn't good enough. It’s time to rise up and defend our own interests.” Leslie Bennetts
Show Highlights
- Why Leslie wrote her book, The Feminine Mistake: Are We Giving Up Too Much? (3:29)
- We must stop telling women and girls that motherhood or marriage is the answer. (9:04)
- The feminine mistake is economic dependency. (10:15)
- Leslie explains why men’s sense of entitlement is a problem for women. (13:52)
- Women should not blame themselves or be blamed for opting out of the workforce to be a caretaker. (25:31)
- But, it is critical for women to be responsible for their own destinies and financial security. (31:12)
- It’s not your fault! You do have to cope with radical change, but it is not your fault. (35:22)
Learn more about Leslie Bennetts:
Leslie Bennetts is a journalist and expert on women's issues who has spoken all over the world on financial security and women's empowerment. She is the author of The Feminine Mistake: Are We Giving Up Too Much? as well as the biography Last Girl Before Freeway: The Life, Loves, Losses and Liberation of Joan Rivers.
Resources & Links:
Submit your questions about divorce or whether you should stay or go, here!
Should I Stay or Should I Go?
Leslie’s website
Show notes and resources may also be found at: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/the-feminine-mistake-with-leslie-bennetts
TODAY’S EPISODE IS SPONSORED BY: SOBERLINK Proof. Protection. Peace of Mind.
The Soberlink remote alcohol monitoring system consists of a portable breathalyzer with wireless technology for real-time results. With proven use as the leading choice in child custody cases since 2011, we are the only system that combines:
- Court-admissibility in all 50 states
- Facial recognition
- Tamper detection
- Easy-to-read Advanced Reporting™
Trust the Experts in Remote Alcohol Monitoring Technology™ to support the best interests of the child in your Family Law cases.
JOIN THE SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO FACEBOOK GROUP
We often talk on this podcast about identifying abusive relationships and offering ways to get out. But what comes next? Dr. Amelia Kelley, a trauma-informed therapist, joins me to discuss how to move forward after surviving abuse. She is the co-author of the recently released book, aptly titled, What I Wish I Knew: Surviving and Thriving After An Abusive Relationship.
Dr. Kelley is also a trained Art therapist, HSP Therapist, EMDR-informed therapist, meditation teacher, as well as a Certified Yoga instructor. She is a presenter and writer in the “science-help” field focusing on Highly Sensitive Persons (which we also discuss in this episode), trauma, motivation, healthy living, and adult ADHD. This is a truly informative and resourceful interview.
Show Highlights
- What Dr. Kelley’s book is about and the unique way it was written from two perspectives: the victim and their therapist. (3:21)
- How Dr. Kelley works with victims of abuse in a therapeutic setting. (6:53)
- Friendship shifts in divorce or toxic relationships: Part of the mourning process to ending an abusive relationship includes ending other connected relationships as well. (14:23)
- What is a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP)? (15:43)
- How an over-active limbic system affects highly sensitive people. (16:00)
- Is there a connection between HSPs and abusive relationships? (20:01)
- Some examples of thriving after an abusive relationship. (26:15)
- How to recognize emotional abuse and the covert ways it can show up. (30:26)
- The effect emotional abuse has on the brain. (34:33)
- Identifying your non-negotiables for future relationships. (41:00)
Learn more about Dr. Kelley:
Dr. Amelia Kelley is a trauma-informed therapist who has conducted research on the effects of exercise on ADHD symptoms as well as the effects of resiliency on PTSD. She is a trained Hypno-therapist, Art therapist, HSP Therapist, EMDR-informed therapist and meditation and Yoga teacher. She is a presenter and writer in the “science-help” field focusing on relationships, Highly Sensitive Persons, trauma, motivation, healthy living, and adult ADHD. She is a guest podcast presenter focusing on women’s issues and coping with the trauma of unhealthy relationships, as well as a coach and trainer for SAS's Work/Life Program in Cary, NC and a resident trainer for the NC Art Therapy Institute. Her practice is also currently part of the Traumatic Stress Research Consortium at the Kinsey Institute. www.Ameliakelley.com
Resources & Links:For resources and links, you may also visit the show notes page here: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/surviving-and-thriving-after-abuse-with-dr-amelia-kelley
Submit your questions to me about divorce or whether you should stay or go, here!Amelia's website
Amelia on Instagram
Amelia on Facebook
What I Wish I Knew Book on Facebook
HSPerson.com
TODAY’S EPISODE IS SPONSORED BY:
SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO?
**An online coaching program designed to help you make the right decision about your marriage...once and for all.** In this groundbreaking online coaching program, you’ll unlock the support, education and deep transformational work you need to finally answer to your most burning question: should I stay or should I go?
JOIN THE SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO FACEBOOK GROUP
If you’ve been contemplating divorce and feeling guilty about your decision, if you’re wondering if you should change your last name post-divorce, or if you have a spouse who’s in denial (despite you telling them numerous times), don’t skip this episode! Why? Because this episode marks my very first Q&A episode! I asked my community of women to send me their questions and I received some really great ones to explore. Join me as I answer questions about whether you should stay or go, how to handle the complexities of divorce, and everything in between.
I really hope this episode inspires you to submit your story or question too. I’d love to do more episodes like this one. So send your questions or story, right here.
In this episode, I answer these listener questions:
- Why do I feel guilty over wanting a divorce? I’ve been so unhappy for so long. Is that a good enough reason to leave?
- Should I change my last name? Is it worth it?
- My husband is in denial about divorce. What can I do?
Resources & Links:
For show notes and links, you can also visit: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/guilt-denial-and-changing-your-name/
Private Coaching with Kate AnthonyHow to tell your husband you want a divorce
TODAY’S EPISODE IS SPONSORED BY:
THE DIVORCE SURVIVAL PROGRAM
As one of the pioneers of the divorce coaching industry, I’ve been helping women (most of whom are moms) navigate the divorce process for the last decade.
AND NOW, FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER, ALL OF MY DIVORCE WISDOM IS AVAILABLE IN ONE ONLINE PROGRAM.
**This program is 100% for you if…**
- You’re a mom looking for a clear roadmap to a divorce that won’t destroy your kids
- You’re looking for answers and a roadmap
- You understand that divorce is a long game
- You’re willing to put away your boxing gloves
- You want this to be a respectful and collaborative process in service of your kids
-
You understand that divorce is, first and foremost, an emotional process and you’re ready to ‘go there’
**Are you ready to learn from one of the world’s top divorce experts and set yourself on the path towards the best possible outcome?**YEAH, Y’ARE!!!
We’re always going through some kind of loss, celebration, or change in our lives. Joining me to discuss the importance of ritual during times of great transition is Day Schildkret. Day is internationally known for the creation of Morning Altars, beautiful pieces of impermanent art. He is also the author of Hello, Goodbye: 75 Rituals for Times of Loss, Celebration, and Change. A conversation about divorce is a conversation about endings. In order to begin again, it is important to mark this transition. Putting things in order through ritual can be healing. It helps you to feel resourced, reoriented, supported and witnessed. Learning how to let go and honor what once was, through ritual, is such an important topic. I hope you truly enjoy this conversation.
“Endings are valuable. The better you can end something, the better you can begin something new.”
Show Highlights
- Why Day says, “You have to change with change.” And what it means to participate in ending something, such as a relationship or marriage. (7:52)
- Endings need more from us than just going through the threshold. (10:02)
- Ritual: what it is and how it helps. (11:26)
- Why you need witnesses for endings as much as you do for beginnings. Witnesses affirm you are not alone and also acknowledge that change is happening. (12:17)
- Life transitions: we need to mark the places where we are turning, if we don’t we still think we are on the same path. (15:54)
- Day talks about Morning Altars and how divorce and grief inspired him to start this practice of creating impermanent art from nature. (23:51)
- Rituals always have a beginning, middle, and end. They are contained and allow the space for grief, uncertainty, and emotion. They encourage wholeness. (29:20)
- Day talks us through one of the divorce rituals from his book Hello, Goodbye: 75 Rituals for Times of Loss, Celebration, and Change. (31:31)
- There is a right and wrong time to do a ritual. If you are in the heat of a divorce or transition, it may not be the right time. (35:07)
- The importance of moving from grievance into grief. (38:47)
Learn more about Day Schildkret:
DAY SCHILDKRET is internationally known for Morning Altars and has inspired tens of thousands of people across the globe to heal and connect with nature, art and ritual. BuzzFeed calls Day's work, “a celebration of nature and life.”
Day's first book, Morning Altars: A 7-Step Practice to Nourish Your Spirit through Nature, Art and Ritual (The Countryman Press/WW Norton) ignited an international movement with a practice that renews and redeems our relationship to the living world. He recently launched the inaugural cohort of the year-long Morning Altars Practitioner Training & Certification with 100 students from five different continents. Day has an ever-growing and active audience of 64k followers on Instagram, over 25k on Facebook.
Day has taught workshops and created large-scale installations at Google, The 9/11 Memorial Plaza, The Hammerstein Ballroom, The Andy Warhol Foundation, California Academy of Sciences, 1440 Multiversity, Lakewood Historic Cemetery, Wellspring Conference, The Culture Conference, Wisdom 2.0 Conference, Wanderlust Festival, The Assemblage, The Alchemist Kitchen, Butte College, Naropa University, the ReImagine End-of-Life Festival, and many others.
Day’s art is on permanent exhibition at the California Museum of Oakland and had been featured in the store windows at ABC Carpet and Home in NYC. Day has appeared on NBC, CBS, in the award-winning SoulPancake YouTube video series and in a stop-motion animated film on UpliftTV. His work has been featured in BuzzFeed, Vice, Well+Good, My Modern Met, Spirituality & Health Magazine.
Resources & Links:Show notes and resources can also be found at: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/rituals-for-times-of-loss-celebration-and-change-with-day-schildkret/
Submit your questions about divorce or whether you should stay or go, here!
Day’s website
Day’s book
Day on Instagram
Day on Facebook
TODAY’S EPISODE IS SPONSORED BY: SOBERLINK Proof. Protection. Peace of Mind.
The Soberlink remote alcohol monitoring system consists of a portable breathalyzer with wireless technology for real-time results. With proven use as the leading choice in child custody cases since 2011, we are the only system that combines:
- Court-admissibility in all 50 states
- Facial recognition
- Tamper detection
- Easy-to-read Advanced Reporting™
Trust the Experts in Remote Alcohol Monitoring Technology™ to support the best interests of the child in your Family Law cases.
There is no one better to talk about the healing process of divorce than Dr. Elizabeth Cohen, aka the Divorce Doctor. She is a clinical psychologist, the author of Light at The Other Side of Divorce: Discovering the New You, and a true expert on the topic of how to heal and thrive during divorce.
The last time Elizabeth joined me on the show, we discussed the importance of processing your emotions. This time we dig even deeper and talk about how healing is a slow, steady, and often imperfect process. We also explore how to become the most loving ally to yourself.
——
Don’t forget, next week I’m doing a three-part workshop in my Facebook group entitled: So You’ve Decided to Get a Divorce: WHAT NOW? The vital steps you need to take to move forward with confidence and clarity. RSVP to the invite here. Don’t miss out! (Available only to members of the SISOSIG Community)
Show Highlights
- No matter what you’re feeling now, you have the ability to move through difficult times and actually heal. (7:28)
- Healing is a slow, steady process where you take micro-moments towards change. (12:22)
- We discuss the first steps to identifying and working through your emotions. (14:48)
- Loving yourself again means realizing that you and your needs matter. (24:31)
- If self-love is a hard concept at the moment, think of it as moving from self-loathing to a feeling of neutrality with yourself. (26:56)
- Toxic environments require you to shut down your feelings. It is not your fault. (30:55)
- Tools to continue to heal through divorce, including the “Sacred Pause” or writing yourself a love letter. (31:28)
Learn more about Dr. Cohen:
Dr. Cohen, a clinical psychologist, is the author of, Light at The Other Side of Divorce: Discovering the New You which debuted at #1 on Amazon in popular psychology.
She is the CEO and founder of the online divorce course and membership Afterglow: The Light at the Other Side of Divorce. Dr. Cohen is the CEO of the Center for CBT in NYC. Dr. Cohen’s online course teaches women how to heal, grow and thrive after divorce no matter how difficult the process has been.
Dr. Cohen received her Ph.D. in clinical psychology from Boston University. She was the recipient of the prestigious American Psychological Foundation Research Award for her research on the emotional effects of 9/11.
She has been featured on the Tamron Hall Show, the Wall Street Journal, NBC News, Women’s Health, Huff Post, Thrive Global, Daily Beast, and Good Housekeeping.
Dr. Cohen is a weekly contributor to Psychology Today with her “Divorce Course” column.
Dr. Cohen’s Divorce Doctor podcast which shares people’s divorce stories hit 10,000 downloads in only 3 months.
Resources & Links:
Join Kate’s Free Live Workshop on January 17, 18, and 19th. All you have to do is be in her Facebook
Dr. Cohen’s book
Dr. Cohen’s website
Dr. Cohen on Facebook
Dr. Cohen on Instagram
TODAY’S EPISODE IS SPONSORED BY:
SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO?
**An online coaching program designed to help you make the right decision about your marriage…once and for all.** In this groundbreaking online coaching program, you’ll unlock the support, education and deep transformational work you need to finally answer to your most burning question: should I stay or should I go?
Earlier this week on The Divorce and Beyond Podcast with Susan Guthrie, she and I spoke about how to have the most difficult conversation of your life with someone: the “I want a divorce,” conversation. Today, Susan joins me to discuss what happens next. Together we explore some of the things you should do right after having the talk, including how to build your divorce team and considerations for divorce proceedings or mediation.
Susan Guthrie is nationally recognized as one of the Top Family Law and Mediation Attorneys in the country. She has been helping individuals and families navigate separation and divorce for 30 years. Susan provides online divorce mediation and legal coaching services to select clients around the world. If you missed part one of our conversation, visit Susan’s website to listen!
Also: I want to hear your story and answer your questions! My work and my podcast are all about bringing you the most and best information possible on the subjects of divorce, escaping and healing from abuse, creating healthy boundaries and relationships, and helping you make the most informed decision on whether to stay or go. So, what questions do you have about divorce, or deciding to stay or go? Leave me a message, it can be anonymous, that I’ll play on the air, and I’ll answer your question on an upcoming episode.
Show Highlights
- Why is January “divorce month”? (11:20)
- What is the first thing you should do after you share with your spouse that you want a divorce? (14:50)
- The biggest fallacy in the divorce process is that building a good team is going to cost you more money. (16:08)
- If the end goal is that you want to mediate, what is the correct path? (23:26)
- The key to collaborative or mediated divorce is working together. (28:33)
- Some approaches to divorce mediation and building a mediation team. (34:06)
- When you rush into your divorce and the emotions are high, you make your divorce take longer. (43:21)
- A reasonable expectation of a timeline for your divorce. (46:36)
Learn More About Susan:
Susan Guthrie, nationally recognized as one of the Top Family Law and Mediation Attorneys in the country, has been helping individuals and families navigate separation and divorce for 30 years. Susan provides online divorce mediation and legal coaching services to select clients around the world. As a leading dispute resolution professional, Susan is honored to serve on the Executive Council of the American Bar Association’s (ABA) Section of Dispute Resolution as the Membership Officer and to be a Co-Chair of the Mediation Committee.
After a year and half of co-hosting the award-winning podcast, Breaking Free: A Modern Divorce Podcast, which reached over 3 million listeners, Susan recently launched her fresh and inspiring new podcast, The Divorce and Beyond Podcast with Susan Guthrie, Esq. which debuted on iTunes “Top Podcasts” List for self-help podcasts. Divorce & Beyond is focused on pulling back the curtain on the mysteries of the divorce process and bringing tips and resources to help people to thrive and shine in their new future beyond divorce.
Susan has been featured in and on media outlets such as CNBC, Market Watch, News Nation, Forbes, the ABA’s Just Resolutions Magazine, Thrive Global, Medium, and many more.
She is licensed to practice law in the States of California and Connecticut as well as before the Supreme Court of the United States.
Resources & Links:Information and links may also be accessed at: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/after-the-talk-how-to-prepare-for-your-divorce-with-susan-guthrie-esq
Send Kate your questions or share your story, here.
Join Kate’s Free Live Workshop on January 17, 18, and 19th. All you have to do is be in her Facebook Group to participate.
Private Coaching with Kate Anthony
Susan’s website
Susan on Instagram
The Divorce and Beyond Podcast:
WE NEED TO TALK: How to Have the Most Difficult Conversation of Your Life with Kate Anthony
TODAY’S EPISODE IS SPONSORED BY:
THE DIVORCE SURVIVAL PROGRAM
As one of the pioneers of the divorce coaching industry, I’ve been helping women (most of whom are moms) navigate the divorce process for the last decade.
AND NOW, FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER, ALL OF MY DIVORCE WISDOM IS AVAILABLE IN ONE ONLINE PROGRAM.
**This program is 100% for you if…**
- You’re a mom looking for a clear roadmap to a divorce that won’t destroy your kids
- You’re looking for answers and a roadmap
- You understand that divorce is a long game
- You’re willing to put away your boxing gloves
- You want this to be a respectful and collaborative process in service of your kids
-
You understand that divorce is, first and foremost, an emotional process and you’re ready to ‘go there’
**Are you ready to learn from one of the world’s top divorce experts and set yourself on the path towards the best possible outcome?**YEAH, Y’ARE!!!
This week, Kimberly Nelson returns to the show! We are talking about financial infidelity including how to recognize it and what to do if you find it’s happening to you. Kimberly shines a light on some of the red flags of someone being financially deceitful, why it’s important to exercise your financial agency, and explains why being aware of your finances matters for your divorce.
As an Advisor at Coastal Bridge Advisors, Kimberly Nelson focuses on bringing clarity and control to her clients’ financial lives. She works with them to create a strong foundation for financial health through innovative, objectives-based wealth planning solutions with an emphasis on marriage dissolution and transition.
There are numerous types of infidelities; emotional, sexual, and relational. And there is financial infidelity, which is very hard to undo and recover from. Listen to this episode to hear how you can avoid it and what to do if you think it’s happening to you.
Show Highlights
- What is financial infidelity, anyway? (5:29)
- Why it is important to have financial agency and know what is going on with your finances. (9:24)
- Check and keep tabs on your credit report. You can pull your credit report for free, three times a year. Kimberly shares how. (13:13)
- Signs that you might be a victim of financial infidelity. (17:28)
- You know you want to get a divorce: is stashing cash for your divorce financial infidelity? (23:04)
- What to do if you suspect financial infidelity and how to have a conversation with your spouse. (33:12)
- If your divorce goes to trial, proof of financial infidelity will be crucial. This documentation is key. (43:07)
- Is it worth hiring a forensic accountant? (47:00)
Learn more about Kimberly:
Kimberly has been working with high-net-worth divorcees in the LA area for more than 15 years. She understands the challenges women face when navigating an overwhelming bevy of attorneys, accountants, insurers, and other advisors during the dissolution process. She values the strong relationships she builds with her clients and is dedicated to enhancing the quality of their lives, believing that ongoing successful wealth oversight requires collaboration between investor and advisor.
She became a CFA Charter holder in 2012 and maintains a steadfast dedication to both her education and that of her community around financial matters. She’s actively involved in the financial literacy efforts of the Los Angeles Center for Law & Justice (LACLJ) and serves as a board member and treasurer of Grades of Green, a non-profit that works to instill environmental awareness in the minds of elementary school students.
Resources & Links:Information and links can also be found at: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/financial-infidelity-with-kimberly-nelson/
Private Coaching with Kate AnthonyKimberly on Linkedin
Kimberly’s website
Divorce, Debt, and the Pandemic with Kimberly Nelson
TODAY’S EPISODE IS SPONSORED BY:
SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO?
**An online coaching program designed to help you make the right decision about your marriage...once and for all.** In this groundbreaking online coaching program, you’ll unlock the support, education and deep transformational work you need to finally answer to your most burning question: should I stay or should I go?
This week Michelle Dempsey-Multack returns to the show! She joins me to talk about how to survive the holidays pre- or post-divorce. If you’ve gone through a divorce within the last 12 months or are about to start the divorce process, you are emotionally and financially spent. So, how can you get through the holiday season and feel content with the here and now?
If this is your first Christmas alone or last holiday as a single-family unit, this episode will offer advice about how to create new holiday traditions, how to set boundaries, and how to take care of yourself during this highly emotional and uncertain time in your life.
Michelle is a writer, coach, Certified Divorce Specialist (CDS®) and host of the Moms Moving On Podcast. As a divorced, co-parenting, and remarried mother, nothing makes Michelle happier than being able to guide other women as they move on through the divorce process, and helping them turn their divorce lemons into lemonade - just like she did. A native New Yorker, Michelle now resides in Miami with her husband, Spencer, and each of their daughters, Bella and Jolie.
There is no right or wrong answer for getting through the holidays during or after divorce. Do what feels right. Lean into whatever it is you are feeling; whether it is good or bad. And remember, it’s just a season and will be over before you know it.
Show Highlights
- A simple reminder that Christmas and New Year’s Day are just days on a calendar. (6:41)
- Identifying your definition of happiness. (8:33)
- How you can take the parts of a holiday that feel special to you and make new traditions. (11:58)
- The importance of creating space to make new traditions and to heal. (14:18)
- Once children have had to separate their parents in their minds, it can sometimes be really confusing to see them together. (16:45)
- It’s not always best for kids for parents to do holidays together right after divorce. Michelle shares some of the things that are best, like not being made to bear the weight of your sadness. (17:55)
- Your job at this juncture is to take care of yourself and your children. Period. (20:19)
- Waking up alone on Christmas morning can be painful and hard. Michelle offers some suggestions for getting through those moments. (24:33)
- How to set boundaries about conversations about your divorce during holiday get-to-gethers. (33:45)
- Disparity in incomes: it’s perfectly acceptable to teach children the value of money and what gifts you are able to afford. (37:48)
Learn More About Michelle:
Michelle Dempsey-Multack is a writer, coach, Certified Divorce Specialist (CDS®), and host of the Moms Moving On Podcast. As a divorced, co-parenting, and remarried mother, nothing makes Michelle happier than being able to guide other women as they move on through the divorce process, and helping them turn their divorce lemons into lemonade – just like she did. A native New Yorker, Michelle now resides in Miami with her husband, Spencer, and each of their daughters, Bella and Jolie.
Resources & Links:Information and links can also be found at: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/surviving-the-holidays-with-michelle-dempsey-multack
Private Coaching with Kate Anthony
Michelle’s website
Michelle on Instagram
Michelle on Facebook
Mom’s Moving On Podcast
TODAY’S EPISODE IS SPONSORED BY:
THE DIVORCE SURVIVAL PROGRAM
As one of the pioneers of the divorce coaching industry, I’ve been helping women (most of whom are moms) navigate the divorce process for the last decade.
AND NOW, FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER, ALL OF MY DIVORCE WISDOM IS AVAILABLE IN ONE ONLINE PROGRAM.
**This program is 100% for you if…**
- You’re a mom looking for a clear roadmap to a divorce that won’t destroy your kids
- You’re looking for answers and a roadmap
- You understand that divorce is a long game
- You’re willing to put away your boxing gloves
- You want this to be a respectful and collaborative process in service of your kids
-
You understand that divorce is, first and foremost, an emotional process and you’re ready to ‘go there’
**Are you ready to learn from one of the world’s top divorce experts and set yourself on the path towards the best possible outcome?**YEAH, Y’ARE!!!
Everyone is talking about the holiday season. Well, this week we are talking about peak dating season - which is coming up in ten days. Bela Gandhi re-joins me on the podcast to talk about what peak dating season means and how to maximize it. Plus, if you’re feeling resistant or somewhat cynical about dating, like me, Bela shares some advice to help you (and me) work through those feelings.
Bela Gandhi is a dating/relationship expert, founder of Smart Dating Academy, TEDx speaker, and a media personality who has been featured on most national/local media outlets including Good Morning America, Steve Harvey, the Today Show, Kelly Clarkson, Access, ABC, NBC, Fox, and more. Bela is often referred to as the Fairy Godmother of Dating. And she is! Every time I talk to Bela, I feel confident and am re-energized about dating. Join us for a fun and insightful conversation!
Show Highlights
- Cynicism about dating and what “dateable” means to you. (6:47)
- What we think of and focus on will grow - if you think everyone is going to be awful, you will be drawn towards the partners who fulfill those prophecies. (9:10)
- How to maximize peak dating season. (10:29)
- Dating app communication: Bela shares when it’s appropriate to drop the conversation! (15:53)
- You want to be with someone who likes you just a little bit more than you like them. (18:09)
- Why video dating can save you a lot of disappointment and a lot of time. (19:01)
- Some advice about using dating apps and online dating sites. Quick tip: “Pick one app and get started!” (21:28)
- Dating profile pictures do’s and don’ts. (29:35)
- There is no substitute for time in the dating process. (43:44)
Learn More About Bela:
Bela Gandhi is a dating/relationship expert, founder of Smart Dating Academy, TEDx speaker, and a media personality who has been featured on most national/local media outlets including Good Morning America, Steve Harvey, the Today Show, Kelly Clarkson, Access, ABC, NBC, Fox, and more.
After she graduated (with dual degrees in Finance and German from the University of Illinois in Urbana/Champaign), Gandhi worked in mergers and acquisitions for Arthur Andersen in Chicago for a year before joining her family's chemicals manufacturing company (CCC), where she divided her time between Chicago and Europe helping to expand the business. When the Gandhi family sold its business to Fortune 500 company Akzo Nobel, she was asked to remain its leader, and became Akzo Nobel Non-Stick Coating’s Global Vice President of Housewares. But even as she quickly climbed the corporate ladder, Gandhi had a feeling that her career would one day be taking a sharp turn in a different direction – because she discovered her love of matchmaking and providing dating advice. She launched her Smart Dating Academy in 2009.
Smart Dating Academy has quickly become one of the nation's top date coaching firms - and teaches busy, successful professionals to jump start their dating lives successfully. Smart Dating Academy is described by its clients “like going to Harvard Business School, but for dating and relationships.” SDA’s coaches become personal trainers for their clients’ love lives – helping them to navigate the ever-changing world of online & in-person dating. The SDA coaching program is results-oriented and fun - which helps you to clarify who is right for you, stop old dating patterns, and use technology the RIGHT way. Clients become positive and enthusiastic about dating / relationships again and find love! Bela attends more weddings than she can count, and loves love.
Resources & Links:Links and information may also be found at: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/maximize-peak-dating-season-with-bela-gandhi/
Private Coaching with Kate Anthony
Smart Dating Academy
Bela on Instagram
Bela on Facebook
Bela on Twitter
TODAY'S EPISODE IS SPONSORED BY:
SOBERLINK
Proof. Protection. Peace of Mind.
The Soberlink remote alcohol monitoring system consists of a portable breathalyzer with wireless technology for real-time results. With proven use as the leading choice in child custody cases since 2011, we are the only system that combines:
- Court-admissibility in all 50 states
- Facial recognition
- Tamper detection
- Easy-to-read Advanced Reporting™
Trust the Experts in Remote Alcohol Monitoring Technology™ to support the best interests of the child in your Family Law cases.
Lindsey Ellison returns to the show this week. You know her as the author of MAGIC Words: How To Get What You Want From a Narcissist. She has a new book out called Blessons of a Breakup. In this episode, both Lindsey and I share some of our unique experiences with healing from trauma, codependency, or co-addictive relationships. We also explore love addiction and being love avoidant, including what it is, and how it manifests.
For those of you new to Lindsey, she is a relationship coach and founder of Start Over Coaching, Inc. She helps people navigate their divorce or break-up and also helps people break free from narcissistic abuse. Our conversation was healing and beautiful for me; I hope it is for you as well.
Show Highlights
- Lindsey shares a personal story of resurfaced codependency and the emotional triggers that manifested. (5:23)
- What Lindsey learned at The Meadows and how it informed her choice to break up with someone she truly loved due to their copendendent and co-addictive relationship. (11:00)
- Being unprepared for the pain of a breakup and in deep pain of grief. (14:32)
- Love addiction: what it is and how it shows up in relationships. (15:39)
- A love addict's greatest fear is abandonment and an underlying fear of intimacy. (18:03)
- Love addiction versus love avoidance. (18:38)
- Why Lindsey says the spiritual process matters to the healing of a broken heart. (32:11)
- “Our ego is the CEO of all things from the past. Our spirit is only right now.” (41:38)
- Why Lindsey wrote her book Blessons of a Breakup. (42:44)
Learn more about Lindsey:
Lindsey Ellison is a relationship coach and founder of Start Over Coaching, Inc. She helps people navigate their divorce or break-up and also helps people break free from narcissistic abuse. Her newest book, MAGIC Words: How to Get What You Want from a Narcissist, offers a step-by-step formula on how to create a communication plan and provides a script of empowering “magic” words that can neutralize the power struggle.
Resources & Links:Resources can also be found at:
https://kateanthony.com/podcast/blessons-of-a-breakup-with-lindsey-ellison
Private Coaching with Kate Anthony
Lindsey’s website
Lindsey on Facebook
Lindsey on Twitter
Lindsey on YouTube
Rhonda Noordyk joins me to discuss her customized strategy women can use for financial wellness before, during, and after divorce. Often not having experience around household finances during marriage leads women to financial injustice post-divorce. In this episode, Rhonda shares her passion for helping women achieve financial justice and financial wellness.
Rhonda is the Founder and CEO of The Women’s Financial Wellness Center, is the host of the podcast, Divorce Conversations for Women, a public speaker, and a CDFA-credentialed financial expert, who understands that divorce can be a complicated and painful journey. Join us for this empowering conversation.
Show Highlights
- Why women need education about financial wellness. (7:04)
- Why Rhonda believes the divorce system is broken. (11:49)
- Women need to show up, ask questions, and be sure they are getting fair and equitable property and income. (13:32)
- The biggest financial challenge for women going through a divorce. (15:57)
- There is a difference between even and equitable. (17:50)
- A deep dive into creating a budget. It’s not just about figuring out what you need for child support. (21:21)
- Negotiating and how the acronym ANOT (acknowledge, naturally, obviously, the ask) can help. (22:46)
- Women see a 41% decrease in their standard of living after divorce! (25:47)
- We, as women, must be willing to be uncomfortable and ask for what we need, and still be respectful and firm, all at the same time. When we learn how to do that, it is extremely powerful. (33:23)
- Financial abuse can continue after divorce. (40:58)
- Changing your mindset around money and how your budget can be empowering (and not restrictive). (45:09)
Learn More About Rhonda Noordyk:
Rhonda Noordyk, CDFA®, CDS™ | Founder & CEO - Understanding that divorce can be a complicated and painful journey, Rhonda Noordyk left the financial industry in 2014 to pursue her passion of helping women achieve financial justice in their divorce. She hoped to offer a different kind of divorce experience; one that led to empowering moments and living a happy and fulfilled life, post-divorce.
Cue the Women's Financial Wellness Center! Designed to help women find a better way to maintain financial wellness throughout and after a woman’s divorce, Rhonda uses her knowledge, passion, and experience to build leading-edge strategies that help her clients stay three steps ahead at all times. With the intention to create a safe place for women - especially those in a vulnerable position - to find their paths, their voices, and the financial confidence they need to lift themselves out of seemingly hopeless situations, Rhonda works to change the narrative of her clients’ divorce experiences.
Instead of feeling overwhelmed and lost in the process, Rhonda works to develop strategies that help women move through and out of their marriage into a new life filled with endless possibility. With a vision to open Women’s Financial Wellness Center branches throughout the country, Rhonda hopes to help even more women figure out what is best for themselves and their families. In April 2020, Rhonda and her team opened a second location in Madison, WI. They are currently in the process of opening five more locations to reach even more women and assist them in realizing their financial goals. Since starting the Women’s Financial Wellness Center, Rhonda has successfully alleviated financial vulnerability for thousands of women.
In addition to being the Founder & CEO of The Women’s Financial Wellness Center, Rhonda hosts a podcast called Divorce Conversations for Women. Her dynamic and inspirational style leaves women with a sense of empowerment.
To connect with Rhonda directly, email her at Rhonda@wfwcllc.com.
Resources & Links:
Women's Financial Center website
Women's Financial Center on Facebook
Rhonda on Twitter
Rhonda on LinkedIn
Rhonda on Instagram
TODAY’S EPISODE IS SPONSORED BY:
THE DIVORCE SURVIVAL PROGRAM
As one of the pioneers of the divorce coaching industry, I’ve been helping women (most of whom are moms) navigate the divorce process for the last decade.
AND NOW, FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER, ALL OF MY DIVORCE WISDOM IS AVAILABLE IN ONE ONLINE PROGRAM.
**This program is 100% for you if…**
- You’re a mom looking for a clear roadmap to a divorce that won’t destroy your kids
- You’re looking for answers and a roadmap
- You understand that divorce is a long game
- You’re willing to put away your boxing gloves
- You want this to be a respectful and collaborative process in service of your kids
-
You understand that divorce is, first and foremost, an emotional process and you’re ready to ‘go there’
**Are you ready to learn from one of the world’s top divorce experts and set yourself on the path towards the best possible outcome?**YEAH, Y’ARE!!!
Tina Swithin returns to the show this week! You know her as the leader of One Moms Battle, whose mission is to raise awareness and educate family court professionals on post-separation abuse as it relates to co-parenting and the family court system. She is also a fierce advocate for survivors and change in the family court systems. In fact, through her work, she has been able to get the month of November to be declared Family Court Awareness Month in eight states to date.
If you're eventually going to be entering the family court system, you must listen to this episode. It will help you to understand what the family court is designed to do, and enable you to prepare yourself to do battle within the court system—which is not designed to protect you. Join us for this incredible conversation about family court awareness.
Show Highlights
- Family Court Awareness Month is an opportunity for survivors to raise awareness at a community level. (2:20)
- The family court system is abusive. (5:24)
- How we can come together to increase awareness. (7:43)
- The disconnect between family court and other judicial systems. There is no regulation or checks and balances. (11:09)
- Very few states have required trauma-informed or domestic violence training for family court judges. (14:54)
- We examine how judges become appointed family law judges. (17:05)
- Tina’s family court system reform wish-list, including why we need judicial accountability and focus on prioritizing child safety. (21:00)
- Even with the reality of our present-day court system, children have a better chance of being healthy members of society if you are able to leave a toxic marriage. (35:07)
- What you can expect when advocating for yourself in the family court system. (43:24)
Learn more about Tina Swithin
Tina Swithin survived a “Category Five Divorce Hurricane” while acting as her own attorney in a high-conflict custody battle that turned her family’s life upside down for over a decade. Known for her internationally recognized blog, “One Mom’s Battle” and her book series, "Divorcing a Narcissist," Tina helps survivors to navigate the family court system against narcissists and other toxic individuals. In 2020, Tina launched two major projects: The High Conflict Divorce Coach Certification Program and a nationwide campaign, Family Court Awareness Month.
The mission at Family Court Awareness Month is to raise awareness and shine a spotlight on one of the most important branches of our judicial system; the family court system. The very system that was established to govern family law cases and make decisions that are “in the best interest” of children, has some undeniable shortcomings that warrant conversations, solutions and ultimately, change.
The mission at Family Court Awareness Month is fueled by the desire for a family court system that is trauma-informed and educated on domestic violence, coercive control and post separation abuse. To truly act in the best interest of children, our family court system needs to incorporate empirical data and research into their decisions and rulings.
Resources & Links:
Family Court Awareness
One Mom's Battle
Tina on Facebook
Tina on Instagram
Tina on LinkedIn
TODAY’S EPISODE IS SPONSORED BY:
SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO?
**An online coaching program designed to help you make the right decision about your marriage...once and for all.** In this groundbreaking online coaching program, you’ll unlock the support, education, and deep transformational work you need to finally answer your most burning question: should I stay or should I go?
JOIN THE SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO FACEBOOK GROUP
This week I am talking all about healthy relationships with Dr. Akua K. Boateng. Dr. Akua answers the question, “What the hell does a healthy relationship look like?” We explore the mechanics of developing a healthy relationship with Self and also learn the steps to reconnecting with your intuitive guidance.
Dr. Akua K. Boateng is a sought after mental health and relationship expert. With over 14 years experience in clinical practice and education, she specializes in an integrative approach to treating anxiety, trauma, relationship issues and other emotional concerns.
She is the founder & CEO of Boateng Psychotherapy & Consultation, where she counsels individuals and couples as well as partners with organizations in the integration of emotionally aware practices and initiatives. In the media, Dr. Akua has contributed to media outlets such as CNN, The Washington Post, Huff Post, Black Enterprise, Refinery29, Philadelphia Inquirer, Slate Magazine, Harper’s Bazaar, and others. Her genuine, empathic voice adds to the growing culture of mental health awareness.
Show Highlights
- Reconnecting with your intuition and sense of self; also why you may have lost it in the first place. (8:15)
- You need time, safety, and a safe place to begin to lean towards repair and integration. (16:47)
- Why you can’t heal within an abusive relationship. (17:53)
- What does a healthy relationship even look like? Interdependence. Consistency. It does not look like pain and harm. (22:56)
- The shift in cultural dialogue about mental health within the last five to ten years. (33:35)
- Is the trope, “you can’t love another until you truly love yourself,” true? (36:21)
- Everyone has a blind spot. A healthy partner helps you see your blind spot and approach it with the utmost kindness and compassion. (38:26)
- A therapist’s job during couples therapy. (42:15)
- Sometimes the healthiest place you can be is not together. (45:21)
- Couples should not pursue therapy when active abuse is occurring. (48:17)
- Top conflicts that Dr. Akua sees in her couples work. (48:35)
Learn More About Dr. Boateng:
Dr. Akua K. Boateng, a native of California, is a licensed psychotherapist with an emphasis in individual and couples therapy. With over 13 years of experience in clinical practice and education, she specializes in an integrative approach to treating anxiety, depression, relationship issues, intergenerational trauma and several other emotional concerns.
In 2015, after sharpening her expert approaches for clients with other facilities, Dr. Boateng opened a Philadelphia-based private practice and consultation firm, Boateng Psychotherapy & Consultation. She now works with clients to take ownership of their emotional health, become aware of unhealthy patterns and work toward a more authentic existence. Dr. Boateng is a sought after mental health expert and consultant, partnering with organizations to support the integration of emotionally aware practices and initiatives into their operations.
Resources & Links:
Should I Stay or Should I Go - Money Survey by Kate Anthony and Amanda Steinberg
Www.Akuakboateng.com
Dr. Akua on Instagram
Dr. Akua on Twitter
Dr. Akua on Facebook
TODAY'S EPISODE IS SPONSORED BY:
SOBERLINK
Proof. Protection. Peace of Mind.
The Soberlink remote alcohol monitoring system consists of a portable breathalyzer with wireless technology for real-time results. With proven use as the leading choice in child custody cases since 2011, we are the only system that combines:
- Court-admissibility in all 50 states
- Facial recognition
- Tamper detection
- Easy-to-read Advanced Reporting™
Trust the Experts in Remote Alcohol Monitoring Technology™ to support the best interests of the child in your Family Law cases.
JOIN THE SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO FACEBOOK GROUP
Betrayal can affect your entire life - work, health, and even your relationships. In a previous episode, I explored how to heal from betrayal in your relationship. This episode focuses on how to heal from betrayal within yourself. Joining me to discuss post betrayal syndrome and post betrayal transformation is Dr. Debi Silber.
Dr. Debi Silber is the founder of the PBT (Post Betrayal Transformation) Institute and is a holistic psychologist, health, mindset, and personal development expert, the author of Trust Again, and is a 2-time #1 International bestselling author of The Unshakable Woman and From Hardened to Healed: The Effortless Path to Release Resistance, Get Unstuck and Create a Life You Love.
You’ve heard it before, “Time heals all wounds.” But, Dr. Debi Silber has proof that this is not true. It doesn’t matter if your betrayal happened decades ago, you can still experience Post Betrayal Syndrome today.
However, if you are willing to do the work, you can move through all five stages of healing in order to get to post betrayal transformation and experience freedom on the other side.
Show Highlights
- Betrayal is different from other life crises. (7:27)
- Post Betrayal Syndrome: a collection of symptoms that are very common in betrayal. (10:48)
- Why do we get stuck after we have been betrayed? (17:02)
- If you are going to fully heal from a betrayal, you will go through five predictable stages. Dr. Silber shares these five stages. (22:08)
- When you face it, feel it; you can heal it. (31:44)
- After the shattering of trust, it cannot be repaired. But it can be rebuilt. (37:34)
- The difference between resilience and transformation. (38:07)
- What to look for in a therapist for post-betrayal healing. (49:51)
Learn More About Dr. Silber:
Dr. Debi Silber is the founder of the PBT (Post Betrayal Transformation) Institute and is a holistic psychologist, health, mindset, and personal development expert, the author of Trust Again, and is a 2-time #1 International bestselling author of The Unshakable Woman and From Hardened to Healed: The Effortless Path to Release Resistance, Get Unstuck and Create a Life You Love. Her recent Ph.D. study on how we experience betrayal made 3 groundbreaking discoveries that change how long it takes to heal. In addition to being on FOX, CBS, The Dr. Oz Show, TEDx (twice), and more, she’s an award-winning speaker and coach dedicated to helping people move past their betrayals as well as any other blocks preventing them from the health, work, relationships, confidence, and happiness they want most.
Resources & Links:
Should I Stay or Should I Go - Money Survey by Kate Anthony and Amanda Steinberg
Dr. Debi Silber's website
Dr. Silber on Facebook
Dr. Silber on Twitter
Dr. Silber on Linkedin
Dr. Silber on Instagram
Dr. Silber on Youtube
Are you healed or hardened? Take the quiz
TODAY’S EPISODE IS SPONSORED BY:
THE DIVORCE SURVIVAL PROGRAM
As one of the pioneers of the divorce coaching industry, I’ve been helping women (most of whom are moms) navigate the divorce process for the last decade.
AND NOW, FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER, ALL OF MY DIVORCE WISDOM IS AVAILABLE IN ONE ONLINE PROGRAM.
**This program is 100% for you if…**
- You’re a mom looking for a clear roadmap to a divorce that won’t destroy your kids
- You’re looking for answers and a roadmap
- You understand that divorce is a long game
- You’re willing to put away your boxing gloves
- You want this to be a respectful and collaborative process in service of your kids
-
You understand that divorce is, first and foremost, an emotional process and you’re ready to ‘go there’
**Are you ready to learn from one of the world’s top divorce experts and set yourself on the path towards the best possible outcome?**YEAH, Y’ARE!!!
This week I am pulling the curtains back and giving a glimpse of what it takes to build a business, post-divorce. You’ll hear the lessons I learned, the pivots I made (and re-made), as well as how I faced some of the hard truths of business building (d-e-b-t) and life.
Plus, this episode is a celebration of the culmination of so many things: first and foremost, it celebrates you! The show has reached one million downloads and that’s because you keep tuning in week after week, sharing episodes, and being part of The Divorce Survival Guide Community. There is a special announcement in this episode for you - so be sure to tune in. And, thank YOU!
I am also celebrating how this podcast has helped me to build my audience and grow my business. It has transformed the landscape of divorce and has been one of the top resources that women and men turned to in their time of transition.
Finally, I am celebrating how the podcast, and listeners like you, have given me the strength and courage to own my story and share it openly with you. This podcast has been and continues to be a place for reciprocal healing and support. This episode is my thank you to you for helping me get here.
Psst...did you hear? This episode includes a contest announcement - yay! Here are the contest details:
- 5 winners will be randomly selected and the prizes are 1 private coaching session with Kate, 1 Should I Stay or Should I Go full scholarship, 1 Divorce Survival Program full scholarship, and 2 Ultimate Divorce Survival Guide winners.
- To enter, they will need to leave a review of the podcast on their podcast platform of choice (Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts), take a screenshot of their review, and email it into us at info@kateanthony.com.
- The deadline to enter is November 20, 2021 at midnight Pacific.
- Winners will be contacted via email.
Resources & Links:For resources and links, also visit: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/one-million-downloads-my-gratitude-and-a-peek-behind-the-scenes
Divorce Survival Program is here!
Uncage Your Business by Rebecca Tracey
This is the last week of domestic violence awareness month, so I wanted to explore the topic of narcissistic trauma and recovery. Caroline Strawson helps us understand the complexities of narcissistic trauma and the healing journey that is necessary for those of us who have suffered from it.
Caroline Strawson is a multi award winning narcissistic trauma informed therapist and coach and best selling author of Divorce Became My Superpower. She has completely transformed her life from being at rock bottom after her divorce to a narcissist; and now works on helping others process the trauma of narcissistic abuse for post traumatic growth.
Show Highlights
- Caroline shares her story of divorce from a narcissist and her transformation. (7:45)
- The narcissist is the abuser. Trauma is what you hold in your body about the narcissist. (15:20)
- You can’t change the abuse, but you can change your experience and what you say to yourself about the abuse. That’s the key element to healing. (18:29)
- Caroline explains the traffic lights of tolerance analogy and how it ties to our normal nervous system response to trauma or abuse. (20:01)
- The root of codependency and narcissism is trauma. (27:56)
- How to support a friend or loved one as they heal from narcissistic trauma. (38:07)
- The three stages for healing from narcissistic trauma. (42:25)
- Why Caroline says you can’t co-parent with a narcissist. Instead, she says choose parallel parenting. (44:41)
Learn More About Caroline:
Caroline Strawson is a multi award winning Trauma Informed therapist and coach, #1 best selling
author and #1 iTunes rated podcast, The Narcissistic Trauma Recovery Podcast. She specialises in helping heal the trauma of narcissistic abuse at a deep nervous system level. She uses a unique integration of therapy and coaching including EMDR, Brainspotting, RTT, Breath work, Internal Family Systems and positive psychology. She was diagnosed with complex PTSD, depression, anxiety and self harm in 2011
and was in over $100,000 debt and had her home repossessed after a narcissistic marriage. She
has now helped thousands of women globally with her Narcissistic Trauma Recovery Programme and her Narcissistic Trauma Unlocking Method™.
She has appeared in national newspapers, magazines, television and BBC Radio to give hope to
others and lift the guilt and shame associated with the trauma of narcissistic abuse.
Resources & Links:For links and resources also visit:
https://kateanthony.com/podcast/narcissistic-trauma-recovery-with-caroline-strawson
The Divorce Survival Program is here. Learn more or purchase!
Caroline’s website
The Narcissistic Trauma Recovery Podcast
Caroline on Instagram
Caroline on Facebook
TODAY’S EPISODE IS SPONSORED BY:
THE DIVORCE SURVIVAL PROGRAM
As one of the pioneers of the divorce coaching industry, I’ve been helping women (most of whom are moms) navigate the divorce process for the last decade.
AND NOW, FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER, ALL OF MY DIVORCE WISDOM IS AVAILABLE IN ONE ONLINE PROGRAM.
**This program is 100% for you if…**
- You’re a mom looking for a clear roadmap to a divorce that won’t destroy your kids
- You’re looking for answers and a roadmap
- You understand that divorce is a long game
- You’re willing to put away your boxing gloves
- You want this to be a respectful and collaborative process in service of your kids
- You understand that divorce is, first and foremost, an emotional process and you’re ready to ‘go there’
Are you ready to learn from one of the world’s top divorce experts and set yourself on the path towards the best possible outcome? YEAH, Y’ARE!!!
JOIN THE SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO FACEBOOK GROUP
Betrayal is a broken promise. And oftentimes when you are faced with the decision to stay or go, you are forced to decide if you can work through the betrayal or if it’s better to walk away. Further, a betrayal leads to erosion of your sense of Self. So, how can you move forward—whether you remain with your partner or not—and come out the other side with your heart and sanity intact? This week I am joined by Gilza Fort Martinez to talk about what it takes to heal from a betrayal and how to recover your sense of Self in the aftermath. Healing will take effort and it will take willingness, but there is a way out.
Gilza specializes in family therapy, women's transitions, as well as marital and premarital therapy. Her work focuses on helping women overcome the devastation of betrayal in order to restore their self-trust and help with the decision to re-engage in relationships. Listen to hear this informative and important conversation.
Show Highlights
- Infidelity is not the only form of betrayal. At betrayal’s core it’s a broken promise. (3:42)
- Some red flags that signal that you should seek therapy with your partner or explore what may be going on. “If we pay attention a little sooner, we can intervene.” (9:27)
- Losing your sense of Self in relationships: how it happens. (9:53)
- Why we gravitate toward toxic or mismatched relationships. (12:46)
- Gilza answers the million-dollar question: why do people cheat? (16:10)
- The difference between discovered infidelity versus a partner disclosing they have cheated. (22:33)
- How to determine if the betrayal you’ve felt is something you can work through or walk away from. (26:06)
- The essence of a sincere apology. Hint: it’s about ownership. (30:18)
- The emotional hits your partner must be willing to absorb during the healing process. (32:59)
- How to recover your sense of Self after you’ve been betrayed. (50:55)
Learn More About Gilza:
Gilza Fort Martinez is a bilingual licensed marriage and family therapist in Florida with over 30 years of experience in conflict resolution, improving interpersonal relationships, and navigating life transitions.
She specializes in family therapy, women's transitions, as well as marital and premarital therapy. Her work focuses on helping women overcome the devastation of Betrayal in order to restore their self-trust and help with the decision to re-engage in relationships. Her approach to helping you rediscover yourself is honest and solution-focused so that you can focus on living a fulfilled life in emotional wellness.
Aside from her one-to-one work with clients, she has a woman-owned and run practice and has focused on collaborating and encouraging other women therapists to start and thrive in their own practice! She also has significant experience in public speaking and leading workshops for corporations and organizations about a wide range of topics including stress and conflict management, improving communication effectiveness, leadership, and more. Gilza has been featured in multiple media outlets including Self-Prevention, Greatist, Shondaland, Telemundo, Univision, People in Español, and others. Recently she has participated in several podcasts highlighting women, their challenges, and triumphs.
Resources & Links:For show notes and resources, also visit: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/healing-from-betrayal-with-gilza-fort-martinez-lmft
The Divorce Survival Program is here. Learn more or purchase!
Gilza's website
Gilza on Instagram
JOIN THE SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO FACEBOOK GROUP
I am back with another solo episode this week. October is domestic violence awareness month, so, I wanted to take this opportunity to talk about a specific type of domestic violence: emotional abuse. Yes, emotional abuse is a form of domestic violence.
Talking about emotional abuse is part of my healing, my personal journey, and my growth. So much of the work that we do in my Facebook group is around helping women identify emotional abuse and come to terms with the fact that that’s what's happening to them.
We have to talk about emotional abuse.
We have to talk about it because the more we talk about it, the more we realize we are not alone.
When women talk about abuse and relate to each other's stories, that's when we rise up and say, “Oh, hell no. No fucking more.”
Show Highlights
- Owning your victimhood is very important. It is one of the most powerful things you can do. (2:43)
- You are never going to agree with your abuser about the narrative. But you get to have your narrative and you get to own it. (8:39)
- Signs of emotional abuse seen during the traffic stop in the case of Gabby Petito and what the police could have done differently. (11:53)
- Gaslighting creates and distorts your perception of reality. (13:21)
- Emotional abuse can look very different from person to person and relationship to relationship. (20:44)
- Abuse has nothing to do with an abuser’s feelings. It’s about control and entitlement. (23:52)
- You are not crazy, trust your perceptions! (27:49)
Resources & Links:
For show notes and resources, also visit:
https://kateanthony.com/podcast/shedding-light-on-emotional-abuse/
Divorce Survival Program is here!
Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men, Lundy Bancroft
“Parenting is hard, divorce or not. Parenting is a big ask.” When you mix parenting, divorce, changes in family structure, and a complete upheaval of everyday life - parenting becomes even harder. Michelle Kenney, a connective parenting coach, joins me to talk about how to parent your children before, during, and after divorce, with connection, peace, and empathy.
Michelle is a divorced mom of two daughters, who are 12 and 15. She is a recovering yeller, control freak, and perfectionist turned connective parenting coach. She was so poignant and soothing during our time together. I can’t wait for you to listen.
“I gave up the relationship I share with my ex-husband to focus on the relationship I share with my girls. The relationship I share with my girls is better because I got divorced.” Michelle Kenney.
Show Highlights
- Was parenting always a big ask or did parenting change over time (compared to past generations)? (5:33)
- How to use connective parenting as opposed to punitive parenting, when your own life is destabilized by the divorce process. (7:39)
- “It’s okay to make mistakes, it’s not perfect, and we can strive to do better.” And...as parents, we have an obligation to our children to apologize when we do get things wrong. (7:52)
- Connective parenting: what it means and what it looks like. (10:20)
- When your co-parent continues to punitively parent your child and you don’t. “You need one, good connected caretaker to be a functioning human being, to do well, and to be well-adjusted.” (12:15)
- How to talk to your children about your different parenting styles without badmouthing your co-parent. (14:30)
- The importance of empathizing with your child. Plus, why is it so hard to do? “We don’t understand what empathy is because no one did it for us.” (22:06)
- Adjusting to co-parenting and being without your child while they are with their co-parent. (23:36)
- Why punitive parenting is bad for children. (28:13)
- Michelle shares her experience as a former yeller and insight about what parents can do when they do yell or lose their shit. (32:30)
Learn More About Michelle:
Michelle lives in Los Angeles with her two girls 12 and 15. Before becoming a Hand in Hand certified instructor in 2015, she worked for 12 years in public schools as a teacher and counselor. None of which prepared her to be a mom. After years of consequences, bribes, and star charts she found Hand in Hand parenting, created by Patty Wipfler. It reshaped the relationship she shares with her daughters, and she credits it with changing her life.
She is passionate about helping others find their way through the murky business of being a connected parent. She loves leading groups and finds the dynamic transformative.
Michelle also strongly believes that listening partnerships are the cornerstone to moving through difficulties.
Michelle has helped herself and others make meaningful connections, work on sibling rivalry, and alleviate school problems. Aggression, fears, withdrawal, and sleep issues are just some of the struggles she has shared and helped others rectify.
She holds a Master’s Degree in Education speaks fluent Spanish, has been trained as a Council in Schools Facilitator and is an ADL Trainer fighting against the bias of all types on school campuses.
Resources & Links:For show notes and resources, also visit: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/connective-parenting-with-michelle-kenney/
The Divorce Survival Program is here. Learn more or purchase, here!
Michelle's website
Michelle on Instagram
Michelle on Facebook
JOIN THE SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO FACEBOOK GROUP
Divorce can be categorized as one of the most overwhelming and emotional breakups there is. Kendra Allen, the Breakup Bestie, joins me this week to offer her insight about how to break up with grace and dignity. I first learned of Kendra’s work through Instagram. She truly has the best relationship breakup advice and often shares about the traps women fall into after a relationship ends.
Kendra Allen is a coach, confidant, best friend, and support for women everywhere going through heartbreak. Her mission is to help women, like you, see breakups not as an end but as a beautiful opportunity to get to know yourself, love yourself, and rediscover what you want and deserve.
Show Highlights
- Kendra shares about how she got into the breakup space and what led her to become the Breakup Bestie. (6:32)
- Kendra answers the million-dollar question, “How do you get over a breakup?” And the truth is, “You’ve got to feel the pain.” (12:43)
- Active participation in a healing process heals your wounds. (15:40)
- Why Kendra believes you should go no contact with your ex in order to heal. (Exception: if you are in a co-parenting relationship, no contact won’t necessarily be an option). (15:46)
- Get support and seek help when you need it: a breakup is a good time to work with a therapist, surround yourself with supportive friends, and practice self-care. (27:17)
- Yes, you should unfriend your ex on social media (and their relatives and friends of friends too). Kendra explains why. There's a lot to be said about cutting off contact in the short term to preserve the long term. (36:45)
- Getting back together. Is it ever a good idea? (42:23)
Learn More About Kendra:
Kendra Allen is your Break Up Bestie- a coach, confidant, best friend, and support for women everywhere going through heartbreak. After going through a series of unhealthy relationships and tough breakups in her 20's, Kendra dedicated herself to figuring out what it takes to go through a breakup with dignity, grace, and growth. Now it's Kendra's mission in life to help women like you see breakups not as an end but as a beautiful opportunity to get to know yourself, love yourself, and rediscover what you want and deserve in a relationship.
Resources & Links:For show notes and resources, also visit: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/break-up-with-grace-and-dignity-with-kendra-allen-your-breakup-bestie/
COMING SOON: The Divorce Survival Program. Get on the waiting list!
Heal Your Heartbreak Podcast
Kendra on Instagram
Kendra's website
TODAY'S EPISODE IS SPONSORED BY:
SOBERLINK
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Trust the Experts in Remote Alcohol Monitoring Technology™ to support the best interests of the child in your Family Law cases.
https://www.soberlink.com/family-law/
Laura Friedman Williams was a happily married, stay-at-home mom of three children. She had plans to grow old with her husband. Then she discovered her husband was having an affair and found herself single after 27-years. Faced with the choice to consider her life over or reinvent herself, she chose the latter. Today, she shares her explosive story of sex and dating after divorce.
Laura is the author of Available: A Memoir of Sex & Dating After a Marriage Ends. In her book, and during our conversation, she shows that it is possible to be independent, a good mother, and have a great sex life all at the same time.
Show Highlights
- Laura shares her story of her marriage ending - almost overnight. (10:49)
- When a marriage ends, “You think it’s one thing and it never turns out to be that simple.” (13:51)
- Laura was so focused on her children’s healing, she came to a sudden realization that she could not continue to be who she was for her kids without taking care of herself. So, five months after her marriage ended, Laura decided to begin dating again. (22:05)
- Laura shares her first experience with sex for the first time after divorce, “I don’t know how this is done. But I am going to make this happen.” (25:27)
- Sex should not be a subject that is taboo or shameful. (39:22)
- What dating looks like for Laura three years after her divorce and why commitment is not something she desires. (45:33)
- Advice for women who are just getting back into sex and dating following divorce. (51:07)
Learn More About Laura:
LFW is the author of Available, which was a #1 bestseller in books on Divorce on Amazon, and has been featured in The Daily Mail. She has also written pieces for Vogue UK and Best Magazine in the UK.
Resources & Links:For show notes and links, also visit: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/sex-and-dating-after-divorce-with-laura-friedman-williams/
COMING SOON: The Divorce Survival Program. Get on the waiting list! A Memoir of Sex and Dating After a Marriage Ends
Laura on Twitter
Laura on Instagram
This week I am talking about the importance of finding and utilizing the proper support tools as you go through the most transitional time in your life. The topic was inspired by my Facebook group, where I’ve been seeing a stream of really long posts. And what that says to me is that women are looking for ways to offload, mirror, and vent about the toxic and oftentimes abusive relationships they are in.
But loves, if you are someone who is expressing your feelings in such a way—whether it’s in a Facebook group or to a group of friends, you don’t just need support, you need therapy (or a divorce coach or both).
So in this episode, I offer gentle reminders about being present to your own experience, using the right tools for healing, surrounding yourself with those who aren’t energy sucks, and being mindful of how you use your time.
Show Highlights
- When you are in a crisis you need a team - the right team.
- Guarding your boundaries and being mindful of where you are placing your energy.
- Consciously lean into the relationships that feed your soul.
- Focus on yourself and your feelings as you go through this process of healing, transition, and change.
- How are you utilizing your time? Are you giving yourself time for rest?
Resources & Links:For show notes and resources, also visit: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/finding-and-utilizing-the-right-support-tools/
The Ultimate Divorce Survival Guide
Should I Stay or Should I Go?
Facebook Group
How to Choose a Good Therapist with Katie Thompson, LPC, CEDS
Joining me this week is Seth Nelson, family lawyer and host of the podcast, How to Split a Toaster. He is going to help us break down divorce law in the United States - because not only can it be overwhelming, it can be confusing, and frustrating. The good news is that there are some universal truths to divorce law that can help you maneuver through the court system and work with your lawyer with ease.
After law school, Seth found that he could do the greatest good by helping people through one of the most difficult times of their lives - divorce. Being a divorcee himself, as well as a father, he understands what you’re going through. I am thrilled to welcome him to the show.
Show Highlights
- How to know when you should hire or consult with a lawyer for your divorce. (8:39)
- All of the items you should consider (and prepare) for your first legal consultation. (10:51)
- Seth takes us through his PEACE acronym: Parenting plan, Equitable distribution, Alimony analysis, Child support, and Everything else. (11:21)
- Some state laws require couples to be legally separated for one year before they can divorce. So, what does that actually mean? Seth explains. (20:36)
- The best way to communicate with your lawyer. (25:02)
- How to ensure you are receiving copies of all documents that get filed with the court system (and why you should have copies too). (32:38)
- How to know if you have a really shitty attorney. (34:13)
- Your primary legal goal: to have great representation, have someone help you through the process as economically feasible, and get a great outcome. (38:20)
Learn More About Seth:
Seth Nelson is a Tampa-based family lawyer known for devising creative solutions to difficult problems. “I have been through a divorce and have a young child. As difficult as the divorce process can be, especially when there are kids involved, things will get better,” he said when asked about the divorce process.
At Nelson Koster, the motto is “Helping good people through difficult times.” This is Seth's aim in every case, though how he works to achieve it varies greatly with each family’s unique situation.
From an early age, he has always wanted to help people. After law school, he found that he could do the greatest good by helping people through one of the most difficult times of their lives. Being a divorcee himself, as well as a father, he understands what you’re going through.
Seth focuses on Florida divorce law, Florida family law, and Florida family law mediation. He earned his Juris Doctorate from the University of Florida’s College of Law. After law school, he clerked for the Honorable John C. Godbold, Senior Circuit Judge for the United States Eleventh Circuit Court of Appeals. Returning home to Tampa, he then worked for other Florida law firms before establishing his own practice in South Tampa. Since 2008, he has been the sole shareholder of Nelson Koster.
Seth is a registered mediator with the Florida Supreme Court Family Mediator Association and is currently a Member of the Executive Council for the Stann Givens Family Law Inns of Court. He also served as the Chair of the Family Law Section of the Hillsborough County Bar Association and continues to serve on its Executive Council. He has been given excellent ratings by Superlawyers and Avvo Ratings and has been honored to receive Super Lawyer’s2012 Rising Star award and 2014, 2015 2016, 2017, and 2018 Super Lawyer awards.
In How to Split a Toaster: A Divorce Podcast About Saving Your Relationships, Nelson and co-host Pete Wright take on the challenge of divorce with a central objective — saving your most important relationships with your family, your former spouse, and yourself.
Resources & Links:For show notes and links, also visit: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/how-to-split-a-toaster-and-other-divorce-law-truths-with-seth-nelson
How to Split a Toaster Podcast
Kate's Interview on How to Split a Toaster
Seth's Firm on Facebook
Seth's Firm on Instagram
Seth on Twitter
Seth's Firm on LinkedIn
Seth on LinkedIn
Andrea on The Divorce Survival Guide
Should I Stay or Should I Go (Kate’s Program)
“Speaking your mind is an act of rebellion.” This week, Andrea Owen joins me to talk about making some noise, taking up space, and how to be empowered in your life. Andrea Owen is a speaker, life coach, author, hellraiser, and a very close friend of mine. She’s creating a global impact on women’s empowerment with her books being translated into 18 languages and available in 22 countries.
Our friendship has grown over the years and much of it has to do with our shared feminist ideologies and empowerment of women in this space. She's been an integral part of my development, the building of my business, and my fierce feminism.
Andrea helps high-achieving women maximize unshakeable confidence and master resilience. Today, we discuss strategies and teachings from her third book, Make Some Noise: Speak Your Mind and Own Your Strength.
Show Highlights
- What spawned the idea for her third book, which is a bold and unabashed guide to finding your voice, harnessing your true desires, and leading the life you really want. (4:36)
- What it means for women to make some noise, plus why the idea of shining too bright and taking up space is super uncomfortable. (7:34)
- Women shortchange themselves and undermine themselves quite often, much more often than men. (21:00)
- It's important to separate ourselves from patriarchal brainwashing. (26:20)
- Internalized misogyny and some of the ways it shows up in our lives. (27:17)
- A call to examine your relationship with power and money; if you had more, would it scare you? (33:49)
Learn More About Andrea:
Andrea Owen is an author, global speaker, and professional certified life coach who helps high-achieving women maximize unshakeable confidence, and master resilience. She has taught hundreds of thousands of women tools and strategies to be able to empower themselves to live their most kick-ass life through speaking, her books, coaching, and her wildly popular podcast with close to 3 million downloads.
She is the proud author of How To Stop Feeling Like Shit: 14 Habits That Are Holding You Back From Happiness (Seal Press/Hachette Books) which has been translated into 18 languages and is available in 22 countries, as well as her inaugural book, 52 Ways to Live a Kick-Ass Life: BS Free Wisdom to Ignite Your Inner Badass and Live the Life You Deserve, (Adams Media/Simon & Schuster). Her latest book, Make Some Noise: Speak Your Mind and Own Your Strength is coming in August 2021, published by TarcherPerigee/Penguin Random-House.
Andrea is a Certified Professional Co-Active Coach (CPCC) from The Coaches Training Institute, a Professional Certified Coach (PCC) with the International Coaching Federation, a SHE RECOVERS® coach, as well as a Certified Daring Way™ Facilitator; a modality based on the research of Dr. Brené Brown. She holds a Bachelor of Science from California State University in Kinesiology with a specialty in Health Science. Andrea has been featured on The Huffington Post Live, xojane.com, NBC, and Entrepreneur.com.
She has facilitated many workshops for girls hosted by Dove’s Campaign for Real Beauty whose efforts inspire and empower women and girls to live confidently and change the world around them.
In addition, Andrea has been sober for close to a decade and is active in the world of recovery.
When she’s not juggling her full coaching practice or writing books, Andrea is busy riding her Peloton bike, chasing her two school-aged children or making out with her husband, Jason. She is also a retired roller derby player having skated under the name “Veronica Vain”.
Learn more about Andrea at andreaowen.com and join the fun and wisdom at facebook.com/yourkickasslife and instagram.com/yourkickasslife.
Resources & Links:Show notes and links also at: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/make-some-noise-with-andrea-owen
Andrea's websiteAndrea on Facebook
Andrea on Twitter
Andrea on Instagram
Andrea on YouTube
Andrea on Pinterest
Should I Stay or Should I Go (Kate’s Program)
When you are a caretaker on both sides of the coin - caring for your children, as well as, aging adults, and then throw in going through a divorce; things just can get really overwhelming. My guest, Laurie James, is a mother, caregiver, divorcée, turned author, and transformative coach. In this episode, we get to the heart of what it is like living in the space between holding on and letting go.
Laurie’s debut memoir, "Sandwiched: A Memoir of Holding on and Letting Go" captures her story of the eight-year period in her life when she suddenly found herself caring for her parents, managing unruly caregivers, raising four daughters, and trying to understand the choices of her husband she thought she knew.
Show Highlights
- What it means to be a part of the sandwiched generation. (3:13)
- Laurie shares her story of divorce amidst being a caretaker for her parents and children. (5:23)
- When you’re in therapy to “fix him,” and find out, “Oh shit, I only have control over myself.” (16:49)
- “It took time. Accepting my mom's state and that she was never going to be there for me again. It was also accepting my marriage for what it was. And then it was about learning the importance of self-care.” (18:41)
- Advice for people going through major life obstacles or being stuck “in between.” (27:36)
- Why leaving her marriage gave Laurie the freedom to write a book and do all of the things she is doing, today. (38:37)
Learn More About Laurie:
Laurie James is mother, caregiver, divorcée, turned author and transformative coach. She has successfully launched her four daughters into adulthood and has been the primary caretaker for her elderly parents. Laurie has learned through therapy and other healing programs that she has everything she needs within her to create the life she desires, and she wants to bring that knowledge to other women. She is training to become a Martha Beck certified coach and expect to receive her ICF (International Coach Federation) credential in July 2021. Laurie enjoys coaching women who are searching for happiness and helps them discover what that means to them. An active community volunteer, she cochairs a youth program for high school students, exposing them to a variety of career paths before they apply to college. She’s an active member of a collaborative giving circle that pools donation dollars to help Los Angeles-based nonprofits.
Laurie graduated from Cal Poly Pomona with a BS in business and held a position as a corporate recruiter before she stayed home to raise her children. She lives in Manhattan Beach with her adopted husky, Lu. When she is not walking her dog, volunteering, promoting her book or coaching, she can be found skiing, sailing, hiking, doing yoga, spending time with my girlfriends or planning her next adventure.
Resources & Links:
Show notes and links also available at: https://bit.ly/3yGdnKV
Laurie James website
Laurie on Facebook
Laurie on Instagram
Donate to the Thrive Fund
Should I Stay or Should I Go (Kate’s Program)
This week’s podcast topic is trauma bonding and shame. My guest, Dr. Nadine Macaluso, has an incredible story to share. Nadine Macaluso is a licensed marriage and family therapist in private practice. Her personal and clinical expertise is in attachment trauma, shame, and relationships. Dr. Nae is also the ex-wife to the infamous Wolf of Wall Street, Jordan Belfort, with whom she shares two children. So yeah, she knows a thing or two about love-bombing and trauma bonds. While openly sharing her story, she also gets underneath how trauma bonding happens to the best of us.
Show Highlights
- The relationship between attachment trauma and shame. (4:11)
- We're not responsible for what was done to us as vulnerable children, yet as adults, it is our responsibility to do what we can to begin to heal. (7:23)
- A clear and concise definition of a trauma bond. (8:25)
- Nadine shares her experience with love-bombing and trauma bonds with her famed ex-husband “Wolf of Wall Street,” Jordan Belfort (9:44)
- The design of love bombing is to keep you completely off balance - it is a destabilization technique. (12:04)
- “My ex-husband took all of my beautiful qualities of loyalty, compassion, trustworthiness, belief in relationships, empathy, and used them against me.” (18:13)
- Trust your inner voice. Don't drive past the red flags. (27:14)
- Healing from attachment trauma, and practicing self-compassion. (29:45)
- “For some reason, I had children with this man. I have to honor that. And take care of their souls first.” (34:24)
- Honoring your truth and also acknowledging that your ex can still be a good co-parent. (37:23)
Learn More About Dr. Nae:
Nadine Macaluso is a licensed marriage and family therapist in private practice. She received her master’s in Counseling Psychology and doctorate in Depth Psychology with an emphasis on Somatic Psychotherapy from Pacifica Graduate Institute in California. Her personal and clinical expertise is in attachment trauma, shame, and relationships. Dr. Nae is also the ex-wife to the infamous Wolf of Wall Street, Jordan Belfort, with whom she shares two beautiful children, Carter and Chandler. Nadine has been happily remarried for 20 years; she and her husband John share a blended family of five children and two dogs, splitting their time between New York and Florida. When she’s not working with patients or writing about trauma, Nadine spends her time reading, researching, listening to podcasts, going for walks and connecting with her loved ones.
Resources & Links:Show notes and links can also be found at: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/no-more-trauma-bonding-with-nadine-macaluso
No More Trauma Bonding: A Therapist's Guide to Healing from Traumatic Love
Dr. Nae on Facebook
Dr. Nae on Instagram
Dr. Nae on Twitter
Dr. Nae on YouTube
Women Who Love Psychopaths: Inside the Relationships of inevitable Harm With Psychopaths, Sociopaths & Narcissists, Sandra L. Brown
Donate to the Thrive Fund
Should I Stay or Should I Go (Kate’s Program)
TODAY'S EPISODE IS SPONSORED BY:
SOBERLINK
Proof. Protection. Peace of Mind.
The Soberlink remote alcohol monitoring system consists of a portable breathalyzer with wireless technology for real-time results. With proven use as the leading choice in child custody cases since 2011, we are the only system that combines:
- Court-admissibility in all 50 states
- Facial recognition
- Tamper detection
- Easy-to-read Advanced Reporting™
Trust the Experts in Remote Alcohol Monitoring Technology™ to support the best interests of the child in your Family Law cases.
My guest, Tina Swithin, survived a “Category Five Divorce Hurricane,” while acting as her own attorney in a high-conflict custody battle that turned her family’s life upside down for over a decade. Tina is the author of Divorcing a Narcissist and the founder of One Mom’s Battle. She continues to champion children’s rights through her family court advocacy and works to raise awareness of the issues in the family court system and to educate the general public on post-separation abuse and narcissistic abuse.
Show Highlights
- Tina shares her journey of becoming an “accidental” author and family court advocate - and how she came to grips with the fact that she couldn’t fix her ex’s narcissism, and would either need to accept this was her life or move on.
- “It took me almost six years to really see who my ex-husband was. I can't go into family court and expect that the judge is just going to see that this person is a problem...It's a marathon to get to the point where they do recognize who the problem person [is in the relationship]. ”
- Family court is simply not equipped to deal with high-conflict divorce proceedings, plus some of the aspects that are broken.
- The aftermath of divorcing a narcissist: post-separation abuse.
Learn More About Tina:
Tina Swithin survived a “Category Five Divorce Hurricane” while acting as her own attorney in a high-conflict custody battle that turned her family’s life upside down for over a decade. While divorces are never easy, Tina quickly learned that a divorce involving a narcissist takes the term, “high-conflict” to a level that few can comprehend. To articulate what was happening, she took shelter from the storm by chronicling her journey in her (now) internationally recognized blog, “One Mom’s Battle.” Tina’s plight grew from just one mom to a village of tens of thousands who all share the same story. There were different variations and nuances, but the common denominator is toxic, high conflict individuals, and post-separation abuse.
With all odds against her, Tina’s battle came to an end on August 30, 2019, when she successfully terminated her ex-husband’s parental rights. Tina has chosen to assume the title of survivor versus victim and has become an advocate for change in the Family Court System after seeing the flaws first-hand. Tina believes that the courts have lost sight of their primary focus, which should be the best interest of the child and instead, are too focused on parental rights. Tina believes that children are suffering unnecessarily due to the lack of education on the front lines—and behind the judicial bench.
Tina Swithin is the author of Divorcing a Narcissist (series) and founder of the High Conflict Divorce Coach Certification Program. Tina Swithin has been awarded honors such as the “Top 20 Professionals Under 40” and the “Top 40 Professionals Under 40” in several regional California newspapers. Tina resides in San Luis Obispo, California with her husband and her two daughters.
Resources & Links:Show notes and links can be also be found at: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/high-conflict-divorce-and-family-court-advocacy-with-tina-swithin/
Tina's website
Tina on Facebook
Tina on Instagram
Donate to the Thrive Fund
Should I Stay or Should I Go (Kate’s Program)
Today we’re talking about boundaries with my good friend, Amy E. Smith. If you have a history of constantly putting everybody first, giving in, or not speaking up when something is bothersome to you, then you, my love, need to set some boundaries. In this episode, Amy shares her three-step process for boundary setting, shares some thought-provoking lessons like, “You are not responsible for other people’s reactions to your boundaries,” and talks about how to stand up for yourself without being a dick.
Amy is a certified and credentialed life coach and hypnotherapist, masterful speaker, and personal empowerment expert. Founder of TheJoyJunkie.com, Amy uses her roles as coach, writer, podcaster, and speaker to move individuals to a place of radical personal empowerment and self-worth.
When you learn how to set boundaries and speak up for yourself you can even ask for a divorce with the utmost grace and kindness. Calmly and assertively. Yes, you have the freedom to choose a different approach.
Show Highlights
- How to speak up for yourself! (2:48)
- Boundary remorse, plus we're told disproportionately, as women, “Don't rock the boat, sweep it under the rug.” (7:18)
- Boundaries and speaking up for yourself don't involve an ultimatum. (13:30)
- If you want to be heard and understood, you have to deliver your request in a way in which people can hear you. (16:40)
- The biggest boundary anyone can ever set is to say, “I don't want to be married to you anymore.” (17:40)
- You are responsible for your intention, not your reception. (18:14)
- Change your perspective on what equals success: Success is being proud of the woman you were when you delivered the boundary or information. (36:40)
- Not sure which boundaries you need to set? Create an inventory of the things you constantly complain about. (37:52)
- If you are afraid about hurting someone’s feelings when having hard conversations, then share that fear and express your vulnerability. (41:55)
- Amy’s three-step process to creating boundaries. (43:43)
Learn More About Amy:
Amy E. Smith is a certified and credentialed life coach and hypnotherapist, masterful speaker, and personal empowerment expert. Owner and founder of Joy Junkie Enterprises, Amy uses her roles as coach, writer, podcaster, and speaker to move individuals beyond limiting beliefs and sabotaging mindsets to a place of radical personal empowerment and self-worth.
With acute focus on helping people “find their voice”, Amy uses her popular weekly podcast, The Joy Junkie Show, to address issues of worthiness, self-confidence, and letting go of people-pleasing to assist listeners in creating and living radically joyful lives. Amy has been instrumental in aiding hundreds of women in stepping into their authentic power and crafting lives they desire. She is highly sought after for her uncommon style of irreverence, wisdom, and humor and has been a featured expert in Inspired Coach Magazine and on Fox 5 San Diego.
Start stalking Amy at www.TheJoyJunkie.com and grab a free copy of her eWorkbook/Audiobook, Stand Up for Yourself Without Being a Dick: 9 Proven Challenges to Radically Improve Your Self-Confidence and Self-Worth.
Resources & Links:Show notes and links also available at: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/how-to-speak-up-for-yourself-with-amy-smith/
Amy's website
The Joy Junkie Podcast
Grab Amy's free workbook "How to Speak Up For Yourself Without Being a Dick"
Amy on Instagram
Amy on Twitter
Amy on Facebook
Donate to the Thrive Fund
This week I am talking with Meredith Shirey about the do’s and don’ts of therapy - individual and couples therapy alike. Meredith is licensed in New York and Tennessee as a Marriage and Family Therapist is a Clinical Fellow member of the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy and the founder of Meredith Shirey Marriage and Family Therapy, PLLC.
In this episode we explore the complexities of therapy including how to know if you should explore individual therapy versus couples therapy, how being disingenuous can sabotage your goals for therapy, codependency, and so much more.
Show Highlights
- When to choose to go to individual therapy versus couples therapy. (6:46)
- Why you should have a consultation with a therapist you're interested in potentially working with and talk about your options. (7:06)
- When going to couples therapy, be sure your therapist is trained specifically in working with couples. (7:55)
- Do you feel like you're going to be able to be completely honest about what you need and how you're feeling in front of your partner and the therapist? If the answer is no, don't do couples therapy. (10:08)
- What to do when you are in therapy and know your partner is not being honest. (24:30)
- The stigma around codependency. (26:56)
- How to get to the point where you are ready to say, “I want to take back my power and create a strategy for myself that focuses on me instead of my partner’s issues.” (34:06)
- The do’s and don’ts of couples therapy. (36:23)
Learn More About Meredith:
Meredith is a licensed psychotherapist specializing in relationally-based issues, and the founder of her NYC based private practice. She is a host of the podcast, "Love Me or Leave Me," and a Topic Expert for Goodtherapy.org. She has written for numerous platforms and has contributed to articles featured on The New York Times, Today.com, and NBC.com on guidelines for difficult conversations, communication tips for couples, and guidance for couples planning to cohabitate or marry.
Meredith's approach to psychotherapy is an integrated approach that includes Attachment theory, Emotionally-Focused Therapy, with notes of Psychodynamic theory. She values a holistic approach and understanding how the past impacts what we experience in the present.
Resources & Links:Visit: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/the-dos-and-donts-of-couples-therapy-with-meredith-shirey for clickable links
Meredith’s website
Meredith on Facebook
Meredith on Instagram
Meredith’s podcast, Love Me or Leave Me
Donate to the Thrive Fund
Should I Stay or Should I Go (Kate’s Program)
DSG Episode: How to Choose a Good Therapist
Rebecca Zung is one of the Top 1% of attorneys in the nation, author of bestselling books, including Negotiate Like You M.A.T.T.E.R, and host of the popular Negotiate Your Best Life. She is who many women turn to regarding all things narcissistic abuse and divorce.
I am thrilled to welcome Rebecca as a guest to talk about how to negotiate a divorce with a narcissist. In this episode, Rebecca and I discuss many topics including the differences between overt and covert narcissists and strategies for negotiating and disarming a narcissist.
Show Highlights
- Overt narcissists versus covert narcissists: An overt narcissist would be someone, like Donald Trump, who has no qualms about saying he's the greatest at everything. A covert narcissist is almost more insidious and dangerous because they know enough to hide it. (8:44)
- A narcissist will do whatever they can to keep their grip going. So you have to get out if you can, because it's the only way you'll have peace. (21:51)
- Rebecca reveals the biggest flaw that occurs when negotiating with a narcissist and what you should do, instead. (27:52)
- Why focusing on you, your case, your position, and your mindset, is so important. (34:11)
- Some strategies to disarm a narcissist. (35:50)
- The five key areas that most judges care about: property division, spousal support, custody, child support, and attorney fees. (48:08)
- Judges don’t view narcissism as a problem in divorce so if you want them to care about it, you must put it in terms that will make them care. (49:11)
Learn More About Rebecca:
Rebecca Zung is one of the Top 1% of attorneys in the nation, having been recognized by U.S. News & World Report as a “Best Lawyer in America”, as “Legal Elite” by Trend Magazine, and recognized by her peers and the judiciary as AV(c), preeminent rated in family law, the highest possible rating for an attorney by Martindale Hubbell. But her journey wasn’t always easy. Married at 19 the first time, she had 3 children by the age of 23 and then was a divorced single mom when she decided to go back to law school. She went from being a single mom, college dropout, to becoming one the most powerful lawyers in the country at the helm of a multi-million dollar practice. She is now committed to sharing her secrets and empowering others to live their lives at their optimum level of success, professionally and personally.
She is the author of the bestselling books, Negotiate Like You M.A.T.T.E.R.: The Sure Fire Method to Step Up and Win (foreword by Robert Shapiro) and Breaking Free: A Step-by-Step Divorce Guide for Achieving Emotional, Physical, and Spiritual Freedom, and is a sought after major media contributor.
Her perspectives are in high demand by television and print outlets, as she has been featured in or on Extra, Forbes, Huffington Post, Newsweek, Time, Dr. Drew, NPR Talk Radio, Good Day New York and CBS Los Angeles among others.
Now, Rebecca remains a partner in Long, Murphy & Zung, and is based in Los Angeles and Florida. She is continuing to serve through her incredible on-demand programs such as S.LA.Y. Your Negotiation With a Narcissist, and the Divorce Delete-Alt-Control Masterclasses. She is also the host of the popular show Negotiate Your Best Life™ which is available on YouTube and as a Top Podcast, and also is a frequent keynote speaker.
Resources & Links:
Show notes with links on the web at: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/negotiating-with-a-narcissist-with-rebecca-zung
Rebecca’s website
Kate on Rebecca’s podcastRebecca on Facebook
Rebecca on Instagram
Rebecca on Twitter
Rebecca’s Crush My Negotiation worksheet
The Covert Passive Aggressive Narcissist: Recognizing the Traits and Finding Healing After Hidden Emotional and Psychological Abuse
S.L.A.Y. Your Negotiation with a Narcissist (affiliate link)
Donate to the Thrive Fund
As co-parents, sometimes we just need a third-party element for communication, especially in a high-conflict situation. The co-parenting app space is growing day by day — and you already know I am a huge fan of these types of apps. So, when I learned about Bianca Balogh’s app, Peaceful Parent Messenger, I was intrigued. It’s a communication tool for all co-parents but especially those in high-conflict situations. Y’all, this app is a gamechanger.
This week, Bianca joined me to talk about her inspiration for creating the app, her difficult co-parenting journey, and how it led her to create something positive from her struggle. She designed the app to give users the ability to set boundaries - that’s right, it helps you set boundaries - as well as setting a waiting period between messages to create more harmony and calm for co-parents.
Show Highlights
- How Bianca came up with the idea for Peaceful Parent Messenger. (4:40)
- Gives you the ability to place a limit on the number of messages you can receive within a given timeframe. (8:09)
- “You’re setting boundaries that are protecting yourself. It's not a punishment to the other parent.” (11:27)
- The better solution is you keep the lines of communication open but start limiting it so that you can be a happier person and a happier parent. (15:01)
- The biggest struggle for high conflict co-parents: communication. (18:35)
- Bianca offers ideas on how to get your co-parent to actually use the Peaceful Parent Messenger app. (21:57)
- “I just felt like there was nobody helping me. And I felt really angry about that. So I took all of that emotion, all of that energy; and I put it into this app to create something that would help me and other people.” (28:41)
- Healthy communication should be at the forefront of co-parenting relationships, because in the end, we all want to be happy, but also for our children so that we can be good guides and be examples. (39:49)
- Setting boundaries is self-care. (41:54)
Learn More About Bianca:
Bianca Balogh is the mother of two children and the creator of Peaceful Parent Messenger, a co-parent communication tool for iPhone (and Android in the Fall of 2021).
Bianca was inspired by her difficult co-parenting journey and decided to create Peaceful Parent Messenger to help co-parents with the ability to set communication boundaries. Having been on the receiving end of nasty, inappropriate co-parent communication, Bianca designed Peaceful Parent Messenger to give users the ability to set boundaries such as limiting the length of messages and setting a waiting period between messages to create more harmony and calm for co-parents.
Bianca is a nurse and an entrepreneur who believes in creating the change you want to see in the world.
Resources & Links:
The Peaceful Parent App: http://www.peacefulparentapp.com
Download the App - Available on Apple (and Android in the Fall 2021) https://apps.apple.com/us/app/peaceful-parent-messenger/id1498205091?itsct=apps_box&itscg=30200
Peaceful Parent App on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/PeacefulParentapp/
Peaceful Parent App on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/peacefulparentmessenger/
JOIN THE SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO FACEBOOK GROUP: https://www.facebook.com/groups/shouldistayorshouldigo/
Caroline Dooner has written one of my favorite books, The Fck It Diet.* This book is for chronic dieters who want to heal their relationship with food. Yes, hello! She joined me on the podcast this week to talk about her book, rejecting diet culture, and why, as a culture, we are so addicted to dieting.
The majority of our culture is stuck in a brainwashing assumption that food is bad and dangerous. If you’ve been on a million diets, and feel out of control with food, this episode (and Caroline’s book) is for you.
Show Highlights
- What drives our obsession and addiction to dieting. (5:27)
- Why it's counterintuitive to our nature to restrict food and not trust our body's appetite and cravings. (10:30)
- Do diets actually work? Here’s a hint: NO! (13:44)
- Restricting food is really bad for your mental health. (21:17)
- Weight stigma is outright unhealthy. (38:21)
- The patriarchal influence on women’s bodies, diet culture, body image, and intuition. (40:50)
- Why it is unhelpful for us to have guilt and self-punishing beliefs about food and about eating. (53:14)
Learn More About Caroline:
Caroline is a writer, humorist, and the author of The Fck It Diet*, a book for chronic dieters who want to heal their relationship with food. She is currently writing her second book on toxic self-help and burnout.
Resources & Links:
Caroline’s website: http://thefuckitdiet.com
Caroline on Instagram: http://instagram.com/thefuckitdiet
Read the beginning of The F*ck It Diet for free from thefuckitdiet.com/free: http://thefuckitdiet.com/free
TODAY’S EPISODE IS SPONSORED BY: SOBERLINKhttps://www.soberlink.com/family-law
Proof. Protection. Peace of Mind.
The Soberlink remote alcohol monitoring system consists of a portable breathalyzer with wireless technology for real-time results. With proven use as the leading choice in child custody cases since 2011, we are the only system that combines:
- Court-admissibility in all 50 states
- Facial recognition
- Tamper detection
- Easy-to-read Advanced Reporting™
Trust the Experts in Remote Alcohol Monitoring Technology™ to support the best interests of the child in your Family Law cases.
JOIN THE SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO FACEBOOK GROUP: https://www.facebook.com/groups/shouldistayorshouldigo/
Jordan Shapiro joins me to talk about being a feminist dad. Jordan is an author, educator, and researcher. He’s Senior Fellow for the Joan Ganz Cooney Center at Sesame Workshop, and Nonresident Fellow in the Center for Universal Education at the Brookings Institution. Finally, he is the author of Father-Figure: How to be a Feminist Dad.
In this episode, we discuss gender essentialism and how men can begin to change habits, behaviors, and ideas in order to behave differently in the world. Seriously, Jordan is paving the way for what it means to be a man today. Ladies, all of the men in your life need his new book. And they need to listen to this episode, so share it with them too!
Show Highlights
- Father Figure: How to Be a Feminist Dad: what it means to be a feminist dad, plus Jordan’s response to his son when asked, “Dad, are you appropriating feminism by being a man and writing this book?” (5:25)
- The familiar assumptions about the origins of so-called traditional parenting roles. (10:33)
- “We live in a world where gender is being renegotiated.” (17:59)
- Men should interrogate their behaviors and habits of mind so that they can make their own decisions about how to behave differently in the world. (19:46)
- We talk in-depth about male privilege, toxic masculinity, and the patriarchy. (22:32)
- From narcissistic patriarchal authority to responsive fathering. (30:32)
- The psychology of a father from an archetypal perspective. (37:30)
Learn More About Jordan:
Jordan Shapiro, PhD, is an author, educator, and researcher. He’s Senior Fellow for the Joan Ganz Cooney Center at Sesame Workshop, and Nonresident Fellow in the Center for Universal Education at the Brookings Institution. He teaches in Temple University’s Intellectual Heritage Program, and he wrote “The New Childhood: Raising Kids to Thrive in a Connected World” (Little Brown Spark, 2018), which received wide critical acclaim and has been published in 11 languages. His upcoming book, “Father-Figure: How to be a Feminist Dad” (Little Brown Spark, 2021) offers a norm-shattering perspective on fatherhood, family, and gender essentialism.
Resources & Links:
Jordan’s book: Father Figure: How to Be a Feminist Dad: http://www.feministdadbook.com/
Jordan on Instagram: http://instagram.com/jordosh
Jordan on Twitter: http://twitter.com/jordosh
Jordan on Facebook: http://facebook.com/jordosh
JOIN THE SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO FACEBOOK GROUP: https://www.facebook.com/groups/shouldistayorshouldigo/
I am joined this week by Dr. Shyamala, Podcast Host, Media Expert for National T.V., and founder of The EQ Code, a coaching program for high-performing women who are ready to transform their relationships, so they can execute on their mission at a whole new level.
Dr. Shyamala and I geeked out on emotional intelligence, communication styles, and the importance of focusing on the deep work needed in order to get the relationship transformation you desire. We also talk about how to show up with courage and integrity in your life.
Show Highlights
- Dr. Shyamala helps high-performing women with relationship transformation - she describes her work and what attributes a high-performing woman has. (3:02)
- Reprogramming your brain and why it is important as a framework for change. (7:56)
- We know that children are incredibly resilient when it comes to separation and divorce - but what we need to really be aware of is when children are raised inside a home where there are toxic relationship templates being played out. (11:56)
- Most methods of change fail because most of them are behaviorally centered. (15:22)
- How to embody a level of transformation in order to live life fully and unapologetically. (21:47)
- Why toxic positivity is damaging, feeds on our insecurities, and also creates more of them. (26:13)
- How to Identify beliefs that have been plaguing you for a lifetime. (28:47)
- Most of us struggle in our relationships because we were never taught to be in one. (32:46)
- Communication skills become the bridge to relationship management. (36:48)
- You cannot have a boundary without assertive communication. (37:12)
- Showing up with courage and integrity in your relationships has nothing to do with the outcome. (45:07)
- When we are acting out of alignment with our values, integrity, and courage - we become resentment machines. (45:50)
Learn More About Dr. Shyamala:
Dr. Shyamala is a Clinically-trained Relationship Strategist and has spent the last two decades helping women improve the quality of their lives by transforming their relationships. Her mission is to help women show up as their best self, in every arena of their life. She is the founder of The EQ Code, a high-touch coaching program designed to help high-performing women transform their relationships, so they can execute on their mission at a whole new level.
Shyamala is also the founder of the Kiru Psychotherapy Clinic, a mental health practice dedicated to the entire family system. She spent several years on the Board of Directors for the Ontario Association for Marriage & Family Therapy.
As a speaker, Shyamala provides frequent talks and workshops on a local, national and international scale. Shyamala is a media expert, having appeared on a national television show for nearly a decade and makes guest appearances on CTV, CP24 as well as frequent pieces of print media.
Resources & Links:
Dr. Shyamala's website: https://andreaowen.krtra.com/t/R8OAmzFe6aCp
Dr. Shyamala's on Instagram: http://instagram.com/dr.shyamalakiru
Dr. Shyamala's Facebook Group - The EQ Club: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theeqlab
Free 5-day Bootcamp opt-in: Free 5-day intensive: Unlock the Success Habits of High Powered Women: https://pages.shyamalakiru.com/free-event/
TODAY'S EPISODE IS SPONSORED BY:THE CENTER FOR DIVORCE EDUCATION
https://divorce-education.com/
The Center for Divorce Education is an organization that provides separated parents with the tools and techniques necessary to navigate the difficult task of being a co-parent.
They currently offer an online parenting class called Children in Between. Anyone who is co-parenting can benefit from the class. Visit the link above to learn more.
JOIN THE SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO FACEBOOK GROUP: https://www.facebook.com/groups/shouldistayorshouldigo/
Our society has conditioned us to think that money is gendered and that men are more competent when it comes to matters of money. Further, society tells us that women, because we're “nurturing or caretaking” are not strong enough to handle money. Amanda Steinberg joins me to turn that idea on its head, talk about women’s financial empowerment, and share a roadmap so you can become financially free.
Amanda’s founded multiple businesses in finance, media, and politics. In 2009, she founded DailyWorth, a startup focused on women’s financial independence and grew its audience and email list to 1.2M email subscribers.
I believe you’ll get a lot from our conversation. But if there is one thing you gain from this episode, I hope it’s this: your thoughts and feelings of powerlessness about money are not your fault.
As Amanda shares in this episode, “You were socially conditioned to think that you're bad with money. That is how everyone got to continuously take advantage of you for most of your life. And honestly, how you also got rewarded and praised for being a good girl. So don't beat yourself up.”
Phew. What a relief, right?
Show Highlights
- What led Amanda to create a company that focuses on women’s financial independence. (5:26)
- Amanda shares her own story around money, which started at the age of six. (6:43)
- We have collective money stories and then we have individual stories. (9:21)
- Amanda’s thoughts on her vision for men and women during this time of change in which we are liberated from these preconceived notions of who we are supposed to be. (13:57)
- Busting the cultural myth that men are providers and women are caretakers. (15:00)
- Financial advice for women going through divorce. (16:56)
- Amanda created DailyWorth because she wanted to connect women's self-worth to their net worth. (18:29)
- A women’s roadmap to financial independence. (39:17)
Learn More About Amanda:
Amanda’s founded multiple businesses in finance, media, and politics. In 2009, she founded DailyWorth, a startup focused on women’s financial independence and grew its audience and email list to 1.2M email subscribers. After DailyWorth was acquired, she moved into politics as the lead digital fundraiser for Marianne Williamson for President. Today she's the Cofounder of HigherU, a digital training company for social impact entrepreneurs. She lives in Philadelphia with her partner, 2 children, 2 stepchildren, and 2 large Maine Coon cats.
Resources & Links:
HigherU
Amanda on Twitter
Amanda on Facebook
Amanda on Instagram
JOIN THE SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO FACEBOOK GROUP
This week I am busting divorce myths with my guest, Eric Broder. Eric is a divorce and family attorney, and co-founding member and partner at Broder Orland Murray &DeMattie LLC. In this episode, Eric and I bust myths about no-fault law, modern parenting agreements, assets, and whether or not getting a job will impact your divorce settlement. That’s just some of what we discuss — we cover a lot of ground!
When it comes to divorce advice, everyone has an opinion. In fact, there may be things you have heard or even believed about divorce that aren’t actually true. One of the biggest lessons we uncover in this episode is this: “Don’t get your divorce advice from cocktail talk. Instead, consult with an attorney.”
But first, listen to this podcast episode!!
Show Highlights
- We get right to it and begin busting myths about alimony. (3:47)
- The importance of consulting with an attorney within your state. (6:28)
- Myths surrounding no-fault law. For example, fault in some states can matter. (6:57)
- For stay at home moms, will getting a job prior to divorce impact your settlement? Eric shares his thoughts. (13:43)
- Eric answers, “Are assets always divided equally?” (17:49)
- Prenups: what people think they are versus what they actually are. (21:01)
- The truth about joint custody, full parenting time, and other parenting plans. (28:52)
- Myths about abandonment of property and moving out prior to divorce. (38:48)
Learn More About Eric:
Eric is a co-founding member and partner at Broder Orland Murray &DeMattie LLC. He is an AV Preeminent™rated attorney by MartindaleHubbell®, the highest possible rating in both legal ability and ethical standards, earned through a strenuous pier and judicial review procedure. He has also been designated a “Top Lawyer” in Family Law, Matrimonial, Arbitration, and Mediation in Westport, Greenwich, NewCanaan/Darien, and Fairfield Magazines. Eric has been selected as a Connecticut Super Lawyers®in Family Law each year from 2013 to 2020.Each year no more than 5% of the lawyers in the state are selected to receive this honor. Eric’s AVVO™rating is 10 out of 10.
Resources & Links:
Eric’s website: Broder Orland Murray &DeMattie LLC
Our Happy Divorce Weekly Live Stream with Ben Heldfond, Kate Anthony, and Susan Guthrie: Every Monday at 5pm ET/2pm PT - Join us!
JOIN THE SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO FACEBOOK GROUP
In many states, courts mandate divorcing parents to take a co-parenting class. And as we often discuss in my Facebook group, many parents leave these court-mandated classes traumatized because the very first thing they teach is that divorce is terrible for your children.
While the research doesn’t support this being true (and you’d think educators in this arena would, you know, read the research), what’s worse is that this is often the very last thing parents who’ve gone through a long and difficult process have to do before finalizing their divorce — and this is what they’re being told??
In response to these types of mandated courses, Dr. Don Gordon has created a program for parents and co-parents that is skill-based, takes a non-shaming approach to co-parenting, and is actually helpful.
Dr. Gordon joins me this week to talk about the Center for Divorce Education’s, Children in Between program. He is Co-Founder and Executive Director of the Center for Divorce Education and has over 40+ years of experience as a clinical psychologist and researcher targeting the reduction and prevention of juvenile delinquency. During our conversation, he also shares some of the most important skills co-parents need to use with each other before, during, and after divorce.
“If you are going to go to a parenting class - the point of it is to have better ways of parenting and co-parenting so your behavior changes and improves.” Dr. Don Gordon, PhD
Show Highlights
- How Dr. Gordon learned about the difficulties children experience as a result of divorce and created a course based on his findings. (4:55)
- One of the most damaging aspects of divorce on children is when parents involve their children in loyalty conflicts. (7:46)
- Your point of view isn’t necessarily in the best interest of your children. (11:54)
- The trauma of taking court-mandated courses. (13:55)
- The most important skills co-parents need to use with each other. (17:38)
- When you take a step back, you have a chance at controlling what you are putting out. (26:38)
- For someone who is looking to improve their co-parenting skills and their ex is not reciprocal in their action - what can one do? Remember, YOU are being a role model for your children and that is one of the best reasons to make these changes. (28:40)
- How parents can take the Center for Divorce Education’s Children in Between program for court-mandated requirements. (41:50)
- CDE’s High Conflict Solutions program. (45:39)
Learn More About Dr. Gordon:
Don Gordon is a Co-Founder and Executive Director of the Center for Divorce Education. Dr. Gordon is a 40+ year clinical psychologist and researcher with an area of expertise targeting the reduction and prevention of juvenile delinquency.
During his 40 years of working with families, Dr. Gordon has studied the effects that different strategies have on reducing conflict within a family (both with parents and children). In the early 1980’s Dr. Gordon and his colleague Dr. Jack Arbothnot developed the Children in Between curriculum (formerly known as Children in the Middle) which is designed specifically to help change the behaviors of divorcing/separating parents who unknowingly place their children in the middle of their conflict, resulting in the most harmful of consequences which often lead to youth acting out in negative ways. For more than 20 years, Dr. Gordon has been providing parenting and co-parenting curricula that is skills-based, allowing families to take away from each course concrete, actionable steps that can be turned into behavior-changing habits. These results improve the lives of parents, their children, and their family unit overall.
Through CDE, Dr. Gordon continues to pursue research that challenges his own assumptions and strives to find best practices that continue to (a) help families reduce their conflict, and (b) help courts by providing families with tools that are proven to shift re-litigation rates and improve communication and interaction.
Resources & Links:Center for Divorce Education
Center for Divorce Education on Facebook
The Good Karma Divorce, Michelle Lowrance
TODAY'S EPISODE IS SPONSORED BY:THE CENTER FOR DIVORCE EDUCATION
The Center for Divorce Education is an organization that provides separated parents with the tools and techniques necessary to navigate the difficult task of being a co-parent.
They currently offer an online parenting class called Children in Between. Anyone who is co-parenting can benefit from the class. Visit the link above to learn more.
JOIN THE SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO FACEBOOK GROUP
Dr. Shefali, an expert in family dynamics and personal development and NY Times Best-selling author, joins me this week to talk about how to radically awaken yourself from the fear-based patterns women have been raised into and instead embrace our truths and live free.
We explore many of the glitches in psychological armor that keep women from daring to speak up. Dr. Shefali also helps us to understand why we are giving up our power every day of our lives—to food, to self-loathing, or to other people. As Dr. Shefali says, “If we don’t see it and name it, we will forever be devoured by it.”
Show Highlights
- A radical awakening to cultural conditioning women have been raised into. (5:57)
- The childhood abduction of our authentic self. (8:40)
- Why women are prone to living on a hamster wheel of life and how to stand in the power of your worth instead. (13:38)
- The tug of war between listening to our inner being versus what culture expects us to be. (17:20)
- How to get to a place of radical awakening—there is no shame in asking for help. (22:22)
- Why it is important to break the image of being good, perfect, superwomen. Baring our truth shouldn’t be a maverick move. Being ordinary/average is good. (24:05)
- The lies about love, marriage, and divorce. (29:49)
- What Dr. Shefali means when she says, “Your ego can be betrayed but your essence cannot be.” (31:53)
- Women have been culturally trained to doubt themselves. We explore how self-doubt gets in the way of deciding whether you should stay or go. (34:37)
Learn More About Dr. Shefali:
Dr. Shefali received her doctorate in clinical psychology from Columbia University. Specializing in the integration of Western psychology and Eastern philosophy, she brings together the best of both worlds for her clients. She is an expert in family dynamics and personal development, teaching courses around the globe. She has written four books, three of which are New York Times best-sellers, including her two landmark books The Conscious Parent and The Awakened Family.
Oprah has endorsed her work as revolutionary and life-changing. Dr. Shefali’s ground-breaking approach to mindful living and parenting has taken her books to the top of the NY Times best-sellers list. Her blend of clinical psychology and eastern mindfulness sets her apart as a leader in the field of mindfulness psychology.
As an international speaker, she speaks at events around the globe, spreading her message of conscious parenting and mindful living. She also has a private practice where she consults with families and couples.
Resources & Links: Dr. Shefali's website
Dr. Shefali on Facebook
Dr. Shefali on Instagram @doctorshefali
A Radical Awakening - Deep Dive
TODAY'S EPISODE IS SPONSORED BY:
SOBERLINK
Proof. Protection. Peace of Mind.
The Soberlink remote alcohol monitoring system consists of a portable breathalyzer with wireless technology for real-time results. With proven use as the leading choice in child custody cases since 2011, we are the only system that combines:
Court-admissibility in all 50 states
- Facial recognition
- Tamper detection
- Easy-to-read Advanced Reporting™
Trust the Experts in Remote Alcohol Monitoring Technology™ to support the best interests of the child in your Family Law cases.
JOIN THE SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO FACEBOOK GROUP
We are so conditioned to expect that Prince Charming will show up on his white horse and deliver us radical intimacy; he will sweep us off our feet and the rest is history. Let’s be real - that's just not how intimacy works.
In fact, as Zoë Kors, a sought-after thought leader on intimacy and sexuality, says “We are not taught these [intimacy] skills. We are programmed to believe passion, sex, and love happen spontaneously.” Zoë joins me to discuss how to cultivate radical intimacy within ourselves and explore why we expect and often demand something from others we don’t know how to give to ourselves.
We tend to think intimacy is something that requires a lover, but radical intimacy is a rich experience of yourself; and as a result, it allows you to have a rich experience with someone else. Tune in to hear how to embrace a radically intimate life.
Show Highlights
- What Zoe means when she uses the term ‘radical intimacy’. (3:38)
- Cultivating intimacy and the three areas of intimacy: physical, emotional, and energetic. (7:19)
- Energetic intimacy and the emotional attachment myth - women believe they are, by nature, are emotionally attached to the people they have sex with. (10:30)
- Some habits and actions we do disconnect us from our bodies. (21:46)
- Three ways we run away from pain and feel discomfort: denial, distraction, and deflection. (24:11)
- Coming out of a marriage is an opportunity to heal and take back your sovereignty. (36:57)
- The paths of sexual healing and finding safety in your own body. (40:01)
- How to reignite sexual intimacy within relationships. (42:04)
Learn More About Zoë:
Zoë is the resident sex and intimacy coach and contributor at Coral, sexual wellness app. Zoë is the former Senior Editor and Creative Director of LA Yoga Magazine. Zoë’s article, 6 Ways to Have Radically Intimate Sex, quickly went viral and is currently at over 2 million views and over 250K Facebook shares.
In addition to a thriving private practice, Zoë offers her services through the Center for Relational Healing, which specializes in the treatment of sex addicts and their partners. As a team member, Zoë works with clients to reintroduce healthy sexuality and intimacy after the trauma of betrayal.
She is a certified Co-Active Coach with the prestigious Co-Active Training Institute in San Rafael, CA. Zoë is initiated in the Sri Vidya tantra lineage. Her work reflects her extensive study of Tantra, Zen Buddhism, Meditation, Yoga, Breathwork, and other Eastern disciplines, which she integrates with more process-oriented modalities of Western psychotherapy and Co-Active Coaching.
Resources & Links:
Zoe’s website
Zoe on Instagram
FREE download from Zoe: 21 Days to Mind-blowing Sex
JOIN THE SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO FACEBOOK GROUP
In 2012, my guest, Sara Olsher, packed up her 18-month old daughter, left her marriage, and after four years of intense personal growth, founded a company that sells amazing resources for co-parents and their children. Whether it’s divorce, cancer, death, or any other uncertainty, Sara has worked hard to be comfortable with the profoundly uncomfortable through her company Mighty + Bright.
Much of what we discuss in this episode is about how to help our children through a hard situation and ease their anxiety. Because honestly, most kids simply want to know that you’re going to be okay, and want to know how divorce is going to affect them. As Sara reminds us, “You’re raising resilient kids. This [divorce] is a really hard thing to go through, but every challenge that we have makes us more resilient and that’s true for your kids too. They have your support through it and you’re helping them to be stronger people.”
Show Highlights
- Sara shares the story of her path towards healing after divorce led her into the world of child psychology and into the way that kids’ brains work. (7:45)
- The inspiration for her first product, a magnetic co-parenting calendar for separation + divorce. (9:58)
- Sara’s breast cancer diagnosis and the creation of a book about talking to children about cancer. (11:01)
- How her calendars and books help children get answers to unresolved questions, ease tension, and help them with executive functioning. (17:18)
Learn More About Sara:
As a writer, illustrator, and speaker, Sara spends her life creating products to help kids through really hard things at Mighty + Bright, and talking about stuff that makes many people want to crawl into a deep, dark hole. Whether it is divorce, cancer, death, or uncertainty, she has worked hard to be comfortable with the profoundly uncomfortable. Her work has been featured in POPSUGAR, Reader’s Digest, the Mighty, and Good Housekeeping, to name a few, and she has spoken in front of audiences large and small about her experience making major life changes after divorce and cancer. She truly believes that everyone has the strength and resilience to overcome unimaginable hardship and use those lessons to make this world a much better place.
Resources & Links:
Mighty + Bright website
Sara’s website
Sara on Instagram
Mighty + Bright on Instagram
JOIN THE SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO FACEBOOK GROUP
Many of the women I work with, at some point, have stated that all they wanted in their relationship was to feel understood. As this week’s guest, Mira Kirshenbaum (author of the seminal book, Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay) states in her book, Why Couples Fight, “Feeling understood is the orgasm of intimacy.” Mira joins me to talk about the ways in which couples can end conflict, frustration, and resentment in their relationships.
Mira is co-founder and clinical director of The Chestnut Hill Institute in Boston, an internationally recognized center for research and psychotherapy for couples, families, and individuals.
Show Highlights
- Unmet needs and the pursuit of getting your needs met. (9:52)
- “Power is the nightmare of love.” We have at least 101 ways we make our partner feel disempowered. (17:04)
- The Eight Core Experiences of Love and why we must protect, maintain, and nourish all eight of them. “Love without affection is like food without flavor.” (18:20)
- The 1-2-3 method - a 3-step process for resolving conflict in any relationship - sets couples up so they are both satisfied. (27:41)
- How to get your needs met with someone who is addicted to conflict. (35:36)
- Some ways you can provide feedback in a healthy manner. (37:30)
- What a power move is and why people use them. (39:19)
Learn More About Mira:
Mira Kirshenbaum is the author of eleven books—including the influential Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay; Parent-Teen Breakthrough; Everything Happens for a Reason; and The Weekend Marriage— that have been translated into over twenty languages, and she is a two-time finalist for the Books for a Better Life award.
Mira is co-founder and clinical director of The Chestnut Hill Institute in Boston, an internationally recognized center for research and psychotherapy for couples, families and individuals. She has been a workshop leader and trainer for medical professionals at Harvard Medical School and other institutions. She has appeared on 20/20, Today, and CBS Early Show, and has been featured as an expert in O, Cosmopolitan, Vogue, Glamour, and Good Housekeeping.
Resources & Links:
Mira's website
Mira on Facebook
Mira on Twitter
JOIN THE SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO FACEBOOK GROUP
Dr. Elizabeth Cohen is CEO and Founder of the online divorce course and membership, Afterglow: the Light on The Other Side of Divorce. She is also the author of the book, “Light on the Other Side of Divorce: Discovering the New You,” which is a phenomenal book about how to grow and thrive after divorce.
She joins me this week to discuss aspects of her book, including the need for processing your emotions. Because, love, you need to allow yourself to feel. We also talk about how divorce is trauma. As Dr. Cohen so eloquently stated, “We hold trauma in our body and divorce is a trauma. We need to allow the movement of this energy, this fight response through us. We need to in order to be a better parent, to be a better partner, to whoever we work with, to be a better citizen in this world.”
Show Highlights
- Challenging assumptions about divorce, because even in 2021, there is still a stigma about it. (6:08)
- You have every reason to feel ALL of your feelings. (16:18)
- So, what are some ways you can express anger? Dr. Cohen shares some ideas. (17:26)
- Divorce, trauma, and how it affects your entire body. (22:41)
- How self-doubt, inner-critic, and dissociation all make it hard to decide whether you should stay or you should go. (27:53)
- There's no wrong way to go through this process. If you're working with someone and they're telling you; there's a right way and a wrong way, then they're not your person. (29:43)
- Dr. Cohen shares about her relationship pattern excavator. (31:20)
- Working through the grief and loss of your marriage is a process. “It’s unpeeling and dealing with the loss over time.” (36:00)
Learn More About Dr. Cohen:
Dr. Cohen is a clinical psychologist. She is the CEO and founder of the online divorce course and membership Afterglow: The Light at the Other Side of Divorce and the CEO of the Center for CBT in NYC. Dr. Cohen’s online course teaches women how to heal, grow and thrive after divorce no matter how difficult the process has been. Dr. Cohen offers a monthly membership program to provide 1:1 coaching, expert support from divorce professionals, and an engaged community of like-minded people. Dr. Cohen received her Ph.D. in clinical psychology from Boston University. She was the recipient of the prestigious American Psychological Foundation Research Award for her research on the emotional effects of 9/11. She has been featured on the Tamron Hall Show, the Wall Street Journal, NBC News, Women’s Health, Huff Post, Thrive Global, Daily Beast, and Good Housekeeping. Dr. Cohen is a weekly contributor to Psychology Today with her “Divorce Course” column. Dr. Cohen hosts the Divorce Doctor podcast where she interviews people about their divorce experiences. Dr. Cohen’s book based on her Afterglow program entitled, Light at The Other Side of Divorce: Discovering the New You will be published in April 2021.
Resources & Links:
Dr. Cohen’s book
Dr. Cohen’s website
Dr. Cohen on Facebook
The Thrive Fund
TODAY’S EPISODE IS SPONSORED BY:
SOBERLINK
Proof. Protection. Peace of Mind.
The Soberlink remote alcohol monitoring system consists of a portable breathalyzer with wireless technology for real-time results. With proven use as the leading choice in child custody cases since 2011, we are the only system that combines:
Court-admissibility in all 50 states
- Facial recognition
- Tamper detection
- Easy-to-read Advanced Reporting™
Trust the Experts in Remote Alcohol Monitoring Technology™ to support the best interests of the child in your Family Law cases.
JOIN THE SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO FACEBOOK GROUP
So, you and your spouse have decided to divorce. You’re now faced with the responsibility of telling your kids. Unfortunately, there is no script for breaking the news to them. This week, I am bringing back my friend and colleague Christina McGhee to walk listeners through the very nuanced step-by-step process of telling your children you’re getting a divorce.
You and your ex are going to be co-parenting for the rest of your lives. Telling your children you’re getting divorced is the first step in parenting apart.
“You can’t take the hurt away. It is going to be hard. How you handle the hard parts is what makes a huge difference for your kids.” Christina McGhee
Show Highlights
- First and foremost, you don’t want to prematurely tell your children you are divorcing. (3:26)
- Instead, the most important thing is to have a plan - be thoughtful about what you say and when you plan to say it. (4:00)
- Christina’s thoughts on telling your children you are only separating and then tell them you are getting a divorce at some point in the future. (6:41)
- Not a one-off conversation, but a series of conversations. (7:42)
- What do you say - what kind of information do you and don’t you provide. (11:09)
- Why it is important to make a distinction between romantic love versus love for your children. (16:52)
- When is it “easiest” for children to hear that you are getting a divorce? Hint: there is never an easy time. (19:01)
- As a parent, you need to responsibly manage your emotions. Plus, how to plan the conversation if you (or your spouse) is an emotionally vulnerable parent. (26:35)
- Curbing the desire to share your version of the truth with your kids. Mitigate this action by putting children at the center. (31:09)
Learn More About Christina:
Christina McGhee is a “media savvy” divorce-parenting expert whose practical advice has been highlighted both online and in print. Over the years, she has been featured on television, radio, podcasts, tele-summits, and webinars. Some of the places you may have seen her are Today Parents, Parenting Magazine, The Times, Channel 4, the BBC, NYU Doctor Radio, and The Dr. Laura Berman Radio Show on the Oprah Network just to name a few.
Christina is an informative and engaging guest who brings insight and strategies to help separating families deal with “real-life” challenges. As a zealous advocate for children, she does an excellent job of keeping the focus where it belongs…on kids.
Christina speaks on a wide range of topics from what to do in the beginning stages of separation to dealing with issues years down the road. She is also skilled at addressing tough issues like discipline differences, dealing with a difficult ex, high-conflict personalities, badmouthing, and neutralizing divorce drama.
Resources & Links:
Christina’s website
Christina on LinkedIn
Christina on Facebook
Christina on Instagram
Christina’s previous appearance on The Divorce Survival Guide
Ellen Bruno about her movie Split, on The Divorce Survival Guide
The Thrive Fund
This week, I’m sharing the conversation I had with Ellen Bruno about her film, Split. Split is an incredible film for kids of divorce and their parents. It is simple in its presentation, but poignant.
Split is a deeply personal film that explores the effects of divorce on children, from the child’s perspective. The movie allows children to speak the powerful truth of what is on their minds and in their hearts.
Show Highlights
- What inspired Ellen to create a child-centered film about divorce. (5:53)
- How the film can be used as a tool for children and co-parents alike. (12:11)
- Mediators, family advisors, and court systems are also utilizing the film as a resource. Viewing it before mediation sessions help turn parents’ attention away from their anger and experiences, and instead towards their children, instead. (19:03)
- The production of Split 2 and what Ellen learned as she revisited 11 of the 12 children she interviewed originally. (25:07)
Learn More About Ellen:
Ellen Bruno is an award-winning documentary filmmaker based in San Francisco.
With a background in international relief work, Ellen’s films have focused on issues at the forefront of human rights, including sex trafficking in Burma, political prisoners in Tibet, the social alienation of people with leprosy, and genocide in Cambodia.
Ellen earned an MA in Film at Stanford University. She is a recipient of Guggenheim and Rockefeller Fellowships, a Goldie Award for Outstanding Artists, an Alpert Award for the Arts, an Anonymous Was A Woman Award for the Arts, and was an Artist-in-Residence at the Yerba Buena Center for the Arts.
Ellen serves on the board of the International Buddhist Film Festival, the Pacific Pioneer Fund, and Ethical Traveler.
Resources & Links:
Split’s website
Split on Facebook
The Thrive Fund
TODAY’S EPISODE IS SPONSORED BY:THE CENTER FOR DIVORCE EDUCATION
The Center for Divorce Education is an organization that provides separated parents with the tools and techniques necessary to navigate the difficult task of being a co-parent.
They currently offer an online parenting class called Children in Between. Anyone who is co-parenting can benefit from the class. Visit the link above to learn more.
JOIN THE SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO FACEBOOK GROUP
This week I get to share my interview with activist documentary filmmaker, Ginger Gentile. Ginger is the filmmaker of a movie I think is super important for everyone to see, called Erasing Family.
Erasing Family is a film about parental alienation, but it's also an exposé of the family court system and gives really important information about why we need to stay as far away from court as possible during divorce.
Many people ask, "What's the first thing I should do when I decide to divorce?" And my answer is always, "Educate yourself." Ginger’s film is a great way to begin to do that.
Show Highlights
- The inspiration for Ginger’s documentary, Erasing Family. (2:59)
- Some of the characteristics of parental alienation: such as love is not unconditional, instead, it’s conditional and it is not a gender issue. (10:06)
- The damaging messages children receive from parental alienation. (15:39)
- Why family court is NOT the proper venue to decide custody. (30:35)
- The importance of shared parenting. (34:18)
- How to approach reunification after parental alienation. (48:18)
Learn More About Ginger:
Ginger Gentile is an activist documentary filmmaker dedicated to addressing ignored issues and shedding light on solutions. With her documentary ERASING FAMILY which premiered at Lincoln Center in 2019 she exposed the trauma children suffer when a loving parent is erased by the divorce courts, a problem that affects over 22 million families in the US alone. Ginger crowdfunded over $430,000 for the film.
Resources & Links:Erasing Family
Erasing Family on Facebook
Erasing Family on Twitter
Erasing Family on Instagram
Erasing Family on YouTube
TODAY'S EPISODE IS SPONSORED BY:SOBERLINK
Proof. Protection. Peace of Mind.
The Soberlink remote alcohol monitoring system consists of a portable breathalyzer with wireless technology for real-time results. With proven use as the leading choice in child custody cases since 2011, we are the only system that combines:
Court-admissibility in all 50 states
- Facial recognition
- Tamper detection
- Easy-to-read Advanced Reporting™
Trust the Experts in Remote Alcohol Monitoring Technology™ to support the best interests of the child in your Family Law cases.
JOIN THE SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO FACEBOOK GROUP
This week, I am talking with Dr. Elizabeth Jeglic about sexual coercion. We discuss how it shows up in relationships and what a woman can do if she is a victim. Dr. Jeglic is an internationally renowned expert speaker, author, and researcher on topics related to sexual violence prevention and sex offender public policy. She is also a licensed clinical psychologist and professor of psychology, and author of Protecting Your Child from Sexual Abuse: What You Need to Know to Keep Your Kids Safe.
My hope is that through this episode, you can begin to understand that your partner should want you to be an active and willing participant in any sexual behavior. The feelings should be mutual, and sex should not be forced on you.
Show Highlights
- Dr. Jeglic helps us to understand what sexual coercion is and what it is not. (3:13)
- Whether you're in a marriage, a dating relationship, or meet a stranger at a party, if you are not able to give consent, it’s rape. (4:58)
- The impact of our vision around our own sexuality. (7:28)
- The power of choice comes down to you, your values, and what you consent to. (14:42)
- Some ways in which sexual coercion shows up in relationships. (15:53)
- Examples of sexual scripts that show up within society, media, and the entertainment industry. (21:00)
- It is our responsibility to teach our children what a consensual relationship looks like, how you get consent, and what affirmative consent looks like. (22:32)
- If you are experiencing sexual coercion in your marriage or have, Dr. Jeglic offers some advice on what to do next. (27:23)
- How we can teach our children to have healthy, sexual relationships. (30:25)
Learn More About Dr. Elizabeth Jeglic:
Dr. Elizabeth L. Jeglic is an internationally renowned expert, speaker, author, and researcher on topics related to Sexual Violence Prevention and Sex Offender Public Policy. She is a licensed clinical psychologist and Professor of Psychology at the John Jay College of Criminal Justice, City University of New York. She is the author of Protecting your Child from Sexual Abuse and Sexual Violence: Evidence-Based Policy and Prevention. Dr. Jeglic has published over 130 articles and book chapters and is an Associate Editor of the Journal Sexual Abuse. Dr. Jeglic's work is frequently quoted in the media, she is a nationally recognized public speaker and has been awarded the Fay Honey Knopp Award for her work preventing sexual violence.
Resources & Links:Dr. Jeglic’s website
Dr. Jeglic on Twitter
Dr. Jeglic on Facebook
Dr. Jeglic on LinkedIn
Protecting Your Child From Sexual Abuse: What You Need to Know to Keep Your Kids Safe
DSG Abuse Mini-Series: Escaping Toxic Relationships and Abuse in Faith-Based Communities with Sarah McDugal
Should I Stay or Should I Go Facebook Group
The Thrive Fund
This week I am continuing my podcast mini-series on abuse (which isn’t so mini, after all). Joining me to discuss faith-based toxic relationships is Sarah McDugal. Sarah is a speaker, trainer, and abuse recovery coach who works exclusively with women wounded by toxic relationships in the faith community.
There are various forms of abuse that can take place within a faith community. One scenario is the church as the abuser. Another often seen is using the church as a weapon of abuse. Sarah joins me to discuss how abuse shows up within the church and what we can do to change the narrative.
While this episode deals with abuse within the faith community, Sarah makes a poignant statement about the purpose of her teachings, “My first desire is to call the faith community to be humble enough, to recognize where we failed, so that we can rebuild and we can change it. Second, if you are a woman, listening to this [episode] thinking, ‘Oh my goodness this is my life,’ I want you to know that there are resources. There is help…You are not alone.”
Show Highlights
- Fundamental theologies of the church and how they enable abusers. (3:23)
- Why we must recognize that abuse happens in the faith community. Plus, we explore some ways it shows up. (4:00)
- The vulnerability of women within the church: most churches and faith-based communities are patriarchal in their core foundation. Those who carry the greater level of power in the majority tend to be men. (15:39)
- How marriage counseling within the church environment is damaging. (23:11)
- Why the interpretation of the biblical text matters: love and truth versus coercion and control. (36:39)
- Changing the discussion around sexuality, marriage, and sexual satisfaction for women of the Christian faith. (38:37)
- Some solutions for women who want to escape an abusive relationship within the faith community. (48:04)
- We explore the four abusive relational elements, including entitlement and control. (59:51)
Learn More About Sarah:
Sarah McDugal is a speaker, trainer, and Abuse Recovery Coach who works exclusively with women wounded by toxic relationships in the faith community. She has published three books: "One Face: Shed the Mask, Own Your Values, and Lead Wisely," "Myths We Believe, Predators We Trust: 37 Things You Don't Want to Know About Abuse in Church," and "Safe Churches: Responding to Abuse in the Faith Community."
Sarah is the founder of WILD, which offers individual coaching, recovery resources, training events, online courses, and private support groups. She emphasizes intentional prevention, responsible strategy, and holistic healing in her appearances on podcasts, TV, radio, and lectures.
Resources & Links:Sarah’s website
Systems of Abuse Chart
Parenting Resource List
5 Day Self-Compassion: Use Code KATE7 for $7 off. Offer extended to the first 100 listeners of the Divorce Survival Guide podcast.
Sarah on Facebook
Sarah on YouTube
Sarah on Instagram
Sarah on Twitter
The Thrive Fund
This week we are discussing how to communicate with a high-conflict co-parent. Joining me is my guest Bill Eddy. Bill is an attorney, therapist, mediator, author, and the co-founder and Chief Innovation Officer of the High Conflict Institute. He pioneered the High Conflict Personality Theory (HCP) and is a leading expert on managing disputes involving people with high conflict personalities.
Bill is also the author of BIFF™: Quick Responses to High-Conflict People, and the just-released, BIFF For Coparent Communication. If you are in any kind of high-conflict situation, you need this book. Seriously.
During our conversation, Bill shares his expertise along with tips and techniques to help maneuver difficult co-parent texts, emails, and social media posts. Whether you are in a high-conflict co-parent situation or simply co-parenting with an ex, this episode is full of valuable information you can put to use immediately.
Show Highlights
- High-conflict personalities and keeping high-conflict divorce out of the courtroom.
- How Bill developed the method of communication he uses in high-conflict situations.
- Why it is important to be brief when writing emails or written correspondence with a co-parent.
- Why you should avoid labeling a co-parent as a blame speaker, high-conflict person, or as someone who has a personality disorder. Plus, what you can do instead.
- Some techniques to help turn a high-conflict situation around or at least defuse one.
- The art of learning how and when to take a PAUSE.
- How to get information to a co-parent, in a friendly tone, and then end the conversation.
Learn More About Bill:
Bill Eddy is an attorney, therapist, mediator, author, and the co-founder and Chief Innovation Officer of the High Conflict Institute. He pioneered the High Conflict Personality Theory (HCP) and is a leading expert on managing disputes involving people with high conflict personalities. He was the Senior Family Mediator at the National Conflict Resolution Center for 15 years, a Certified Family Law Specialist lawyer representing clients in family court for 15 years, and a Licensed Clinical Social Worker therapist with twelve years’ experience. He serves on the faculty of the Straus Institute for Dispute Resolution at the Pepperdine University School of Law in California and is a Conjoint Associate Professor with the University of Newcastle Law School in Australia. He has been a speaker and trainer in over 30 U.S. states and 10 countries and is the author or co-author of sixteen books (as of 2020) and has a popular blog on the Psychology Today website with over 4 million views.
Resources & Links:
High Conflict InstituteBill on Instagram
High Conflict Institute on Facebook
The Thrive Fund
Financial abuse is the exertion of power, control, and manipulation to the detriment of a person. This form of abuse negatively impacts a person in a number of ways. Here’s the thing, many women become financially disempowered after marriage and experience financial abuse in silence. So, this week, during the Divorce Survival Guide series on abuse, we are exploring the topic of financial abuse.
My special guest is Lili Vasileff. She is a Certified Financial Planner (CFP®), Master Analyst in Financial Forensics (MAFF™) specializing in Matrimonial Litigation, and a Certified Divorce Financial Analyst (CDFA®). In this episode we explore what financial abuse looks like, the complexities involved, and red flags to watch for.
And yes, while this is a conversation about financial abuse, it is also one about financial empowerment too.
Join me next week when we explore how to communicate with a high-conflict co-parent. You can sign up for my email list to be notified whenever a new episode is released or subscribe to the podcast on your favorite podcast listening app.
Show Highlights
- The difference between financial infidelity and financial abuse. (4:52)
- Financial abuse explained. Did you know that one in three victims of financial abuse don't even recognize it for what it is? (8:12)
- Is financial abuse common? Lili shares. Plus, some ways it may show up in a relationship. (9:46)
- Steps to take to ensure financial security at the beginning of a relationship. (18:38)
- You want to get divorced but have been abused, controlled, and manipulated. Lili offers some ways to get out of this type of situation and find financial freedom. (22:41)
- There are organizations willing to teach, help, and support women to get back into a career, to learn how to budget, learn how to invest, and go through a divorce. (26:44)
- Some red flags and characteristics of a financial abuser. (35:26)
Learn More About Lili:
Lili A. Vasileff is a fee-only Certified Financial Planner (CFP®), Master Analyst in Financial Forensics (MAFF™) specializing in Matrimonial Litigation, Certified Divorce Financial Analyst (CDFA®), and President of Wealth Protection Management based in Greenwich, CT. She is a trained mediator, collaborative financial specialist, and qualified litigation expert. She trains divorce professionals in the Collaborative process and presents on financial topics regularly at the New York City Bar Association.
She is a nationally recognized expert practitioner, speaker, writer, and author of three books: “Money & Divorce: The Essential Roadmap to Mastering Financial Decisions” published by the American Bar Association; and “The Ultimate Divorce Organizer, The Complete Interactive Guide to Achieving the Best Legal, Financial and Personal Divorce”, and “The Divorce Planner Checklist”.
Lili is the co-president of the National Association of Divorce Financial Planners (ADFP). Her awards include the prestigious 2013 Pioneering Award for outstanding public advocacy and leadership in the field of divorce financial planning, the Women’s Choice Award as a highly recommended Financial Advisor by Women for Women; CEO Today 2018 Business Woman of the Year Award; Five Star Wealth Manager Award for last 12 years, the Best Wealth Protection Manager 2019 - Northeast USA and Recognized Leader in Divorce Finance 2019 by Wealth & Money Management, and Marquis Who’s Who Albert Nelson Lifetime Achievement Award. Her website is www.wealthprotectionmanagement.com.
Resources & Links:
Lili’s website
Lili on Twitter
Lili on LinkedIn
Lili on InstagramLili on Facebook
Lili on YouTube
DSG Abuse Mini-Series: Escaping Domestic Violence with Leslie Morgan Steiner
DSG Abuse Mini-Series: Escaping Emotional Abuse with Beverly Engel
Should I Stay or Should I Go Facebook Group
The Thrive Fund
JOIN THE SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO FACEBOOK GROUP
This week we continue the abuse mini-series on the Divorce Survival Guide podcast. In this episode, Leslie Morgan Steiner, author of The Naked Truth, returns to the show to join me in a discussion about domestic violence. She is a New York Times best-selling author, a columnist for The Washington Post, a speaker on work/family balance, a successful corporate executive – and domestic violence survivor.
Her book, Crazy Love, is a harrowing memoir about her journey through a severely violent marriage. Together we discuss the complexities of domestic violence and Leslie shares how she ultimately ended her tumultuous marriage and began to heal.
Still, to come on the Divorce Survival Guide mini-series on abuse, we’ll explore financial abuse and how to communicate with a high-conflict co-parent. You can sign up for my email list to be notified whenever a new episode is released or subscribe to the podcast on your favorite podcast listening app.
Show Highlights
- Leslie’s story of domestic violence abuse and how it was a transformational experience. (9:09)
- The stigma and shame of being an abuse victim is similar to being a sexual assault victim. (15:07)
- 85% of abusers are men and some red flags to watch for in potential partners. (16:33)
- Caution: If you think “I can't help him, but if he gets into therapy, then he'll be okay,” this is true — if he does his own work and his own therapy. The research has shown it can be a decades-long process. (27:47)
- Domestic violence is a triage situation: help the victims first, but we're never really going to end abuse unless we start focusing on perpetrators getting the counseling that they need. (28:21)
- Abusive relationships: should you stay or should you go? (30:12)
- How Leslie reconciled being the victim of a destructive relationship and the champion of relationships themselves as a force for healing. (42:29)
Learn More About Leslie:
New York Times best-selling author, a columnist for The Washington Post, speaker on work/family balance, successful corporate executive – and domestic violence survivor.
Leslie Morgan Steiner is the author of four nonfiction books: the New York Times bestselling memoir Crazy Love; the critically acclaimed anthology Mommy Wars: Stay-at-Home and Career Moms Face Off on Their Choices, Their Lives, Their Families; The Baby Chase: How Surrogacy Is Transforming the American Family; and her latest memoir, The Naked Truth, which explores female sexuality, self-esteem, and dating after 50.
Steiner holds a BA in English from Harvard College. Her first job was writing and editing for Seventeen Magazine. After graduating from Wharton business school in 1992 with an MBA in Marketing, she launched Splenda Brand Sweetener internationally for Johnson & Johnson. She returned to her hometown of Washington, DC in 2001 to become General Manager of the 1.1 million-circulation Washington Post Magazine, a position she held for five years. From 2006-2008 she wrote over 500 columns for the Washington Post’s popular on-line work/family column, “On Balance.” She has been profiled by People Magazine, the New York Times, Glamour, Psychology Today, Redbook, The Washington Post, and other publications.
Steiner is a regular speaker at international women’s conferences and media guest on The Today Show, National Public Radio, Anderson Cooper 360, The Tamron Hall Show, ABC, NBC, CBS, and cable news networks. She has appeared in Newsweek, BusinessWeek, Elle, Parents, Self, Vogue, Vanity Fair, The Los Angeles Times, and CNN.com. She is a frequent speaker and consultant on the subjects of marketing to moms and ending family violence. Her 2012 TEDTalk about domestic violence has been viewed by over six million people, and in 2014 she completed her second TEDTalk exploring the ethics of global surrogacy.
She serves as a board member for the One Love Foundation, in honor of the slain University of Virginia senior Yeardley Love.
Leslie Morgan Steiner lives in Washington, DC, New York, and New Hampshire.
Resources & Links:Leslie’s website
Leslie on Instagram
No Visible Bruises
Should I Stay or Should I Go Facebook Group
The Thrive Fund
TODAY'S EPISODE IS SPONSORED BY:
SOBERLINK
Proof. Protection. Peace of Mind.
The Soberlink remote alcohol monitoring system consists of a portable breathalyzer with wireless technology for real-time results. With proven use as the leading choice in child custody cases since 2011, we are the only system that combines:
Court-admissibility in all 50 states
- Facial recognition
- Tamper detection
- Easy-to-read Advanced Reporting™
Trust the Experts in Remote Alcohol Monitoring Technology™ to support the best interests of the child in your Family Law cases.
JOIN THE SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO FACEBOOK GROUP
This month, I am kicking off a mini-series on abuse on the Divorce Survival Guide podcast. In this episode, Beverly Engel joins me to talk about emotional abuse. She is the author of Escaping Emotional Abuse: Healing from the Shame You Don’t Deserve.
Emotional abuse is a deep and insidious attack on the soul. It causes the victim to question the truth about themselves, to doubt their worthiness as a person, and even the capacity to love.
In Beverly’s book, she writes that she found emotional abuse and shame to be more harmful than physical abuse. Whether or not you are being emotionally abused, this episode is a must-listen. The only way to help people from abuse like emotional abuse is to talk openly and honestly about it. We cover so much in this episode, I hope you’ll tune in.
Also, coming up over the next few weeks during the Divorce Survival Guide mini-series on abuse, we’ll explore the topics of domestic violence, financial abuse, and how to communicate with a high-conflict co-parent. You can sign up for my email list to be notified whenever a new episode is released or subscribe to the podcast on your favorite podcast listening app.
Show Highlights
- What is emotional abuse? (4:06)
- Some characteristics of emotional abuse, like threatening to leave you or withholding money, sex, or affection. (15:00)
- The reason why women, in particular, find themselves in emotionally abusive relationships.(21:10)
- The intentional abuser is looking for somebody they can control. (22:34)
- The unintentional abuser is probably repeating what they witnessed in their home, repeating how his father treated his mother or vice versa. (27:26)
- You are depressed, emotionally, and physically depleted. Beverly explains how to gain the strength and the determination to pack up and leave. (33:24)
- Shame is one of the most damaging aspects of emotional abuse. We discuss some of the major factors towards healing, including self-compassion and expressing anger. (41:14)
Learn More About Beverly:
Beverly has been a psychotherapist for 35 years specializing in emotional and sexual abuse healing. She is the author of 23 self-help books and has been on many national radio and TV programs including CNN, Oprah and Starting Over.
Resources & Links:
Beverly’s New Book
Beverly’s website
Should I Stay or Should I Go Facebook Group
My friend Susan Guthrie, host of Divorce and Beyond Podcast, joins me to talk about why you might want to seek spousal and child support in your divorce. I am especially excited about this episode because it’s a crossover event that we created for you! This episode is Part 1 of the crossover event and you can hear Part 2 on Susan’s show.
Alimony is the scariest and complicated topic that comes up during a divorce. Together, Susan and I talk about the complexities of spousal support, including how tax laws/bills affect alimony (currently, not in a good way), and when it’s appropriate to seek out support.
In Part 1 of our crossover conversation (this episode, right here!) Susan and I talked about why women should take support. In Part 2, we discuss some of the support pitfalls to watch out for and why it may not be the best solution for everyone. Head over to Susan’s podcast to listen to Part 2!
Show Highlights
- The real-deal about alimony and the factors that go into determining when alimony is appropriate. (4:34)
- Child support guidelines as they currently stand place children in the middle of a divorce. This is NOT okay. (16:44)
- As a stay-at-home parent, you’ve invested in the household, therefore spousal support honors the work that you’ve done — as well as the fact that you’ve been removed from the workforce for a time.. However, it’s a minimal return on your investment, which can leave women more disempowered in the end. (18:15)
- What you need to know about negotiating support. (28:08)
Learn More About Susan:
Susan Guthrie, nationally recognized as one of the Top Family Law and Mediation Attorneys in the United States, has been helping individuals and families navigate separation and divorce for 30 years. Susan provides exclusively online divorce mediation and legal coaching services to select clients around the world through her business Divorce in a Better Way. Susan has also recently partnered with mediation legend, Forrest “Woody” Mosten, to create the Mosten Guthrie Academy to provide cutting edge gold-standard training for attorneys, mediators and other professionals.
As a leading dispute resolution professional, Susan is honored to serve on the Executive Council of the American Bar Association’s (ABA) Section of Dispute Resolution as the Membership Officer and to be a Co-Chair of the Mediation Committee and Annual Advanced Mediation Skills Institute.
Susan is also an internationally well-regarded expert in online mediation and has been training colleagues and other professionals in the practical and ethical considerations of conducting their mediations online with her innovative programs and webinars for more than two years. To date, more than 15,000 dispute resolution professionals have benefited from her program and she has trained mediators in countries all around the world including programs for the American Bar Association (ABA), the Alternative Dispute Resolution Institute of Canada (ADRIC), and the National Association of Distinguished Neutrals (NADN) among others. Susan founded Learn to Mediate Online™ in 2018 and now offers more than 7 programs for professionals all designed to help them to advance their skills and their practice to new heights.
In addition to her other professional endeavors, Susan is an award-winning podcast host. Having reached a podcast listening audience of almost 4 million in the past two years, Susan is the creator and host of the hit podcast, The Divorce and Beyond Podcast with Susan Guthrie, Esq. which debuted on iTunes “Top Podcasts for Self-Help” List. She recently launched The Learn to Mediate Online Podcast with Susan Guthrie, Esq. to bring current information, updates and news on ODR to her thousands of followers.
Susan has been featured in and on media outlets such as CNBC, Market Watch, Forbes, Eye on Chicago, WGN, the ABA’s Just Resolutions Magazine, Thrive Global, The Nook Online among others.
She is licensed to practice law in the States of California and Connecticut as well as before the Supreme Court of the United States.
Resources & Links:Susan’s website
The Divorce and Beyond Podcast
Susan on Instagram
Divorce and Beyond Podcast on Instagram
Divorce Corp (movie)
The Ultimate Divorce Survival Guide
JOIN THE SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO FACEBOOK GROUP
Part of my work is to dig through the roots of patriarchal oppression, expose it for what it is, and bring light to ways in which we can smash it into oblivion. So, when I hear about stories of girls who are given to their abusers to be married at the age of 13 because they are pregnant - I am outraged (and enraged). Dawn Tyree is a fierce survivor of child marriage and turned her experience into an incredible life’s work. She was not raised in a fanatical cult. Girls being married off to their abuser is happening all over the U.S. every year.
In this episode, Dawn joined me to talk about her experience. We discuss the problem of child marriage and how we can resolve it. She is an author, activist, and a founding member of The National Coalition to End Child Marriage in the U.S. Her testimony and that of other survivors played a crucial role in ending child marriage in 4 U.S. States. Her experience has been published in multiple major publications around the world. I am honored that she joined me to share her story.
Show Highlights
- Dawn shares her story of being left in the care of an adult, experiencing sexual abuse at his hands, and being forced to marry him at 13. (8:57)
- The system is set up to let sexual abuse, abandonment, and child marriage happen. (13:13)
- Dawn’s experience of being manipulated into believing that child marriage was the best choice. (15:31)
- How and when Dawn became aware that she was a victim of a sexual predator/abuser, how she began to process those emotions and started to plot her way out. (17:49)
- The story of her divorce and custody proceedings - as a minor. By the way, there is NO minimum age to marry (currently) in the state of CA. But, you have to be 18 years old in order for a divorce to be finalized. (27:26)
- From a parenting perspective, how Dawn spoke to her children about her/their situation. (29:01)
- Why you have to take your children out of an abusive situation and give them the opportunity to see what else there is. (35:19)
- What we can do to help end child marriage in the U.S. (41:32)
- Dawn explains why child marriage is a form of sex trafficking in plain sight. (50:21)
Learn More About Dawn:
Dawn Tyree is an author, activist, and a founding member of The National Coalition to End Child Marriage in the U.S. She is currently working with Global Hope 365 to help end child marriage in California. Her testimony and that of other survivors played a crucial role in ending child marriage in 4 U.S. States. The story of her experience as a child forced into marriage has been published in The New York Times, Reuters, The Sun, DailyMail, The News-Review, WRAL, Freedom United, Portland Metrozine, YES! Magazine, and printed into 12 different languages. Dawn works with multiple organizations and universities across the nation to help educate and offer support in comparative studies (the US and international) on child marriage and human rights abuse issues. Dawn was featured in a two-hour documentary on child marriage in the U.S. as part of the A & E Network docu-series, “I Was a Child Bride: The Untold Story” with Elizabeth Vargas that aired in April 2019. She continues her activism work in tandem with writing her harrowing story of overcoming the toughest of odds. Tyree is enjoying life in the Pacific Northwest Coastal Range.
Resources & Links:
- National Coalition to End Child Marriage
- Dawn on Facebook
Dawn on Instagram - California Coalition to End Child Marriage
- Child Marriage – Shocking Statistics
Students Against Child Marriage - A&E’s I Was a Child Bride: The Untold Story
GET HELP:
National Human Trafficking Hotline:
1-888-373-7888
Text: befree to *233733
Should I Stay or Should I Go Facebook Group
The topic of trauma bonds is one of the biggest conversations that circulate within my Facebook group and also with clients. In fact, it is one of the biggest obstacles women tackle as they extricate themselves from a toxic relationship. So this week, I am bringing back my friend Gwynn Raimondi to talk all about trauma bonds. Gwynn is a writer, Trauma Support Practitioner, Relational Systems Explorer, and the creator of the Trauma-Informed Embodiment™ modality.
The typical advice given to those breaking free from toxic relationships is to go no contact. Unfortunately, if you are a parent, going no contact isn’t an option. You don’t have the luxury of doing that when you share children with the person you have a trauma bond with. In this episode, Gwynn helps us understand what a trauma bond is and how you can set healthy boundaries in order to break free.
Show Highlights
- What are trauma bonds and how do we recognize them? Plus, the two definitions of trauma bonds. (8:12)
- How trauma bonds are formed within long-term abusive partnerships. (9:07)
- The reason you can’t heal from trauma bonds on your own and why you don’t go to therapy with an abuser. (13:52)
- How to break free from a trauma bond. (21:40)
- The basics of what a healthy relationship should look like. (31:24)
Learn More About Gwynn:
Gwynn is a writer, Trauma Support Practitioner, Relational Systems Explorer and the creator of the Trauma Informed Embodiment™ modality. She specializes in complex (childhood, relational, & attachment based) traumas, grief, embodiment, and their intersections. She has written extensively over the last several years about many different types of trauma and the ways they impact our relationships. She offers online groups and programs periodically throughout the year, as well as works with individual clients via Zoom.
Resources & Links:Gwynn on Instagram
Gwynn on Facebook
Gwynn’s newsletter
Gwynn’s Current Workshops and Offerings
Rhian Lockard on Divorce Survival Guide
Big Little Lies
FAYR App
The Ultimate Divorce Survival Guide
Should I Stay or Should I Go Facebook Group
Divorce comes with many harsh realizations. Once the dust starts to settle, lost friendships or friendships that no longer feel supportive can be the most painful realizations. What the hell happened to your friends? And how do you make new ones? My guest, Daniel Herrold, is the Co-Creator of DivorcedOver40, an online community that provides resources and real-life testimonials to divorcees over 40 years of age.
There are several aspects to Daniel’s story that are poignant, like his deep respect and commitment to his ex-wife (the woman who stayed home for many years raising their children), as well as the story of how he created a new community with people he’d never known before.
It is my hope that by sharing stories such as Daniel’s, you’ll see what is possible after divorce. Sure, it may not always be rainbows and unicorns. But rebuilding a community is possible and can come pretty darn close to magical too.
Show Highlights
- Why it’s important to surround yourself with people who are going through a divorce, who understand it, or who have been through it. (7:31)
- What happened to your friends? Some of the realities of friendship, including lost friendships, post-divorce. (8:12)
- Why should you focus on self-care, healing, and establishing that friendship group to help the healing process, instead of dating or thinking about your next partnership. (12:21)
- Daniel’s story of recognizing the opportunity cost of his ex-wife being a stay at home mom and what that meant for them post-divorce. (19:58)
- How to put resentment and emotional baggage aside and show up with integrity. (26:30)
- Why Daniel created DivorcedOver40, building a community of nonjudgemental peers. And why it is not a matchmaking site. (36:21)
Learn More About Daniel:
Daniel is the Co-Creator of DivorcedOver40, an online community that provides resources and real-life testimonials to divorcees over 40 years of age. Daniel is a resident of Tulsa, OK and has been divorced for nearly two years now and has three daughters.
Resources & Links:DivorcedOver40
DivorcedOver40 on Instagram
DivorcedOver40 on FacebookSmart Dating Academy on YouTube
The Ultimate Divorce Survival Guide
Should I Stay or Should I Go Facebook Group
Sunday, January 3rd, was the start of peak dating season. To talk about how to harness the power of dating, my dear friend Bela Gandhi returns to the show. Bela is my go-to for all things dating advice and coaching. In fact, she gets the Divorce Survival Guide seal approval!
There is no better time in your life to start thinking about dating than now. Bela breaks down some of the do's, don'ts, and how-tos for maneuvering through dating during peak season and beyond.
Show Highlights
- What is it about this time of year that makes you feel the pull to start dating? (5:10)
- Are there great partners out there? (6:22)
- How to screen people in and what that means. (9:48)
- Some dating advice for women who have recently exited a relationship with a toxic abuser. (13:17)
- All the love in the world will not change a Beast into a Prince. (18:51)
- If dating makes you excited, Bela shares how to harness the power of dating season, including some dating profile tips. (22:13)
- Some pandemic silver linings in the world of dating. (31:22)
Learn More About Bela:
Bela Gandhi is a dating/relationship expert, founder of Smart Dating Academy and a weekly media correspondent. She is a relationship expert and has been featured on most national/local media outlets.
After she graduated (with dual degrees in Finance and German from the University of Illinois in Urbana/Champaign), Gandhi worked in mergers and acquisitions for Arthur Andersen in Chicago for a year before joining her family's chemical and manufacturing company (CCC) as the, where she divided her time between Chicago and Europe helping to expand the business. When the Gandhi family sold its business to Akzo Nobel, she was asked to remain its leader, and became Akzo Nobel Non-Stick Coating’s Global Vice President of Housewares. But even as she quickly climbed the corporate ladder, Gandhi had a feeling that her career would one day be taking a sharp turn in a different direction – because she discovered her love of matchmaking and providing dating advice. She launched her Smart Dating Academy in 2009.
Smart Dating Academy has quickly become one of the nation's top date coaching firms - and teaches busy, successful professionals to jump start their dating lives successfully. Smart Dating Academy is described by its clients “like going to Harvard Business School, but for dating and relationships”. SDA’s coaches become personal trainers for their clients’ love lives. The SDA coaching program is results-oriented and fun - which helps you to clarify who is right for you, stop old dating patterns, and use technology the RIGHT way. You become positive and enthusiastic about dating / relationships again! Its clients receive personalized dating plans, and essential training in how to meet high caliber singles, personal style, conversation, and online success.
Resources & Links:Smart Dating Academy
Bela on Instagram
Bela on Facebook
Bela on Twitter
Smart Dating Academy on YouTube
The Ultimate Divorce Survival Guide
Should I Stay or Should I Go Facebook Group
This week I have another listener favorite episode for you on when to give up the authentic fight:
I asked a friend who is going through a divorce what I should talk about in this week’s episode. He said I should talk about cravings.
And he offered what he meant by saying this, “Given the shit happening in the world, we turn to safety, fantasy, and imagination to numb our true selves and we give up the authentic fight.” How beautiful is that?
There is so much happening in the world right now.
And my friend is right, we numb out as a way to escape. We numb with food, drinking, or shopping. When it comes to relationships, we numb out by fantasizing about other people; hoping they are the cure for a troubled marriage. Turning to other people, places, or things will not lead you to true fulfillment. Doing so simply covers up the pain, momentarily.
Succumbing to cravings is giving up the authentic fight.
What happens if you just sit still with all of the shit that is happening in your life; what if you gazed into all of your own holes and examined them for what they are? What if?
What might be possible for your relationship, for your marriage, or most importantly, for you? That’s what I am talking about this week on the podcast. I hope you tune in.
Here are just a few of the topics I touch on in this episode:
- Why marriage is not responsible for fulfilling you 100%
- Discernment work is so complex, but necessary
- The importance of recognizing your own ‘made-up’ stories and changing the narrative
Today's episode is sponsored by Soberlink:
Proof. Protection. Peace of Mind. The Soberlink remote alcohol monitoring system consists of a portable breathalyzer with wireless technology for real-time results. With proven use as the leading choice in child custody cases since 2011, we are the only system that combines: * Court-admissibility in all 50 states * Facial recognition * Tamper detection * Easy-to-read Advanced Reporting™
Trust the Experts in Remote Alcohol Monitoring Technology™ to support the best interests of the child in your Family Law cases.
Kate Anthony on Instagram
The Ultimate Divorce Survival Guide
Should I Stay or Should I Go Facebook Group
I am back after a month-long hiatus from the podcast. So where have I been? Well, I had COVID-19. Yup, it seems like I was 2020’s personal punching bag. In this episode, I tell you about my experience, how I caught it, and what happened to me. I also go into why letting your guard down, even just a little bit, is like gambling with your life. COVID is no joke.
If my story can save anyone else from getting this virus, I'm happy to share my experience. Thank you so much for hanging in with me, for all the support, emails, and the well-wishes. I can't tell you how much I appreciate it.
I did want to share one note about the holidays and divorce: I know the holidays are a difficult time for many.
Keep the focus on your children. Do what's best for them, even if it means collaborating, coordinating, and doing the shopping for an ex who may be dropping the ball.
How it goes this year is not how it will go every year. This is a process. So if you're in some situation that's pissing you off, you can get through it, and you can make changes moving forward
I’ll be back in January 2021 with new episodes, new content, and more. Until next time, sending my love.
Resources & Links:
Kate Anthony on Instagram
The Ultimate Divorce Survival Guide
Should I Stay or Should I Go Facebook Group
Doing the holidays and divorce — at the best of times — can be super complicated. Co-parenting during the holidays during a pandemic? What a shitshow, amiright? Well, it doesn’t have to be. This week, Michelle Dempsey-Multack joins me to offer tips and advice on how to handle the holidays during this crazy time. Michelle is a writer, coach, Certified Divorce Specialist (CDS®), and host of the Moms Moving On Podcast.
There is no guidebook for parenting during a pandemic. But through our conversation, we hope you find some insight, inspiration, and tips to help you move through the upcoming season with confidence and grace.
Show Highlights
- The shift in the divorce and co-parenting space and the role COVID-19 plays. (3:35)
- How to have an uncomfortable conversation that is non-threatening about making the holidays safe for your children. (8:49)
- Distinguish between the ex-partner who will balk about everything vs the ex-partner who is truthly concerned because they deem your actions as reckless. (12:06)
- Uncomfortable conversations lead to comfortable situations. (14:16)
- You can’t tell COVID to go away because it would make divorce easier. But COVID is forcing new divorcees to slow down post-divorce. (15:33)
- Some tips on how to handle the holidays as co-parents, including how to share or split holidays. (24:48)
- Make your goal about you, moving on in a healthy way and doing what is best for your children. (34:57)
- Creating new holidays and traditions for yourself, post-divorce. (35:10)
Learn More About Michelle Dempsey:
Michelle Dempsey-Multack is a writer, coach, Certified Divorce Specialist (CDS®) and host of the Moms Moving On Podcast. As a divorced, co-parenting, and remarried mother, nothing makes Michelle happier than being able to guide other women as they move on through the divorce process, and helping them turn their divorce lemons into lemonade - just like she did. A native New Yorker, Michelle now resides in Miami with her husband, Spencer, and each of their daughters, Bella and Jolie.
Resources & Links:
Michelle’s website
Michelle on Instagram
Michelle on Facebook
Mom’s Moving On Podcast
Kate Anthony on Instagram
The Ultimate Divorce Survival Guide
Should I Stay or Should I Go Facebook Group
Maneuvering through a divorce is tough. Co-parenting can be even tougher. Parenting a diagnosed or newly diagnosed child with ADHD or neurodiversity post-divorce, well, things can feel downright suffocating at times. This week on the podcast we’re talking about parenting a perfectly imperfect complex child in the midst of a divorce.
My guest Elaine Taylor-Klaus is an author, parent educator, and certified coach. She’s the co-founder of ImpactADHD.com and co-creator of Sanity School®. When my son was diagnosed with ADHD, Elaine’s work truly impacted the way that I moved through my son's diagnosis, parenting, co-parenting with my ex, and everything that came after that.
Seriously. Elaine’s work was a lifesaver for me.
Show Highlights
- Getting an ADHD diagnosis for your child. (4:20)
- Now that you know what you are dealing with, what happens next? (5:00)
- Moving from ‘fix-it’ mode to ‘understanding’. (8:29)
- How to deal when one partner in the co-parent has ADHD and you have a child diagnosed with ADHD too. (16:31)
- What to do when one parent is in denial about a diagnosis. (19:05)
- Steps to help empower your child to find control where they can and help them feel good. (20:26)
- Choose one thing to be important at a time and not try to do everything at once. (38:26)
- What to do when your co-parent partner is criticizing your way of parenting. (42:05)
Learn More About Elaine Taylor-Klaus:
Elaine Taylor-Klaus is an author, parent educator, and certified coach. The co-founder of ImpactADHD.com, co-creator of Sanity School® (an online behavior therapy program), and co-author of Parenting ADHD Now! Easy Intervention Strategies to Empower Kids with ADHD, she provides coaching, training, and support for parents of complex kids – and parents raising kids in complex times. Her newest book, The Essential Guide to Raising Complex Kids with ADHD, Anxiety and More was released in September. Elaine has served as a parent advisor for the American Academy of Pediatrics and on the national Board of Directors of CHADD. She is the mother in an ADHD++ family of six.
Resources & Links:
Elaine’s website
Elaine on Twitter
Elaine on LinkedIn
Elaine on Facebook
Elaine on Instagram
Bless Her Heart – She Just Doesn’t Understand ADHD (article)
Kate Anthony on Instagram
The Ultimate Divorce Survival Guide
Should I Stay or Should I Go Facebook Group
This week I am sounding off about why I get political on my podcast, on social media, and in my work.
The short answer: It’s because it matters and it’s all intertwined. America is extricating itself from a relationship with a toxic abuser. The same thing is being played out in so many marriages that I see.
In this episode, I breakdown the intersection between politics and my work in women’s empowerment. I explore the similarities between Donald Trump and toxic partners, and why doing the work to remove yourself from such relationships is so important. Not just for you, but for your children, and for America.
Show Highlights
- Why I talk about politics in my work.
- Consider where the power dynamic shifted in your relationship.
- Why you need to have a solid exit plan when leaving a toxic relationship.
- The importance of understanding and acknowledging privileges to support others who do not have the same privilege.
- Why it’s important to do the work and be an active participant in changing the systems and behaviors in your life.
Resources & Links:DSG Episode: Nobody is Entitled to Your Forgiveness
Seduced Documentary
National Domestic Violence Hotline. Support, resources and advice for your safety: TheHotline.org or call 800-799-7233
Private Coaching with Kate Anthony
Kate Anthony’s program Rooted
Kate Anthony on Instagram
The Ultimate Divorce Survival Guide
Should I Stay or Should I Go Facebook Group
This week I am re-airing a listener favorite episode - Not Your Fcking Job. Want equal partnership? Let's start with not taking on impossible tasks -- and then being blamed for not being able to accomplish them. Listen to this episode for more!*
A few weeks ago, I posted in my Facebook group that I was going to write a flipbook called, Not Your Fucking Job. And it was going to be a very simple book about all the things that are not your fucking job to do for your spouse or partner. You know, things like:
Helping him heal his childhood wounds?
NOT YOUR FUCKING JOB.
Teaching him how to be a good parent?
NOT YOUR FUCKING JOB.
Proving your worth or proving your love to him?
NOT YOUR FUCKING JOB.
Or keeping him from cheating on you?
NOT YOUR FUCKING JOB.
You get the idea.
Well, in this week’s episode I am going to go through about 8-10 scenarios of things that are not your fucking job and explain why you need to stop carrying allll of the weight in your relationship.
After you listen to this episode; if you realize you are doing these things, understand you are doing them out of some need to control. So what IS your job: to uncover why you’re doing these things and then work to fix it, for you — not for him or for anyone else, for you. Only in this way will you have a chance at healing your marriage, or having an amicable divorce.
Here are just a few of the topics I touch on in this episode:
- Why it’s not your job to heal your partner’s childhood wounds
- Allowing your partner to make mistakes and clean up his (or her) own messes
- A reminder that it is not your job to beg him to love you or treat you well
- Why it’s not your job to lose weight, gain weight, dye your hair or get a boob job in order to feel as though you are enough for someone. Only do these things if you WANT to, for you!
- What IS your job in your relationship
Resources & Links:
ROOTED LIVE is coming! If you think you might want out of your marriage, but you can’t seem to find the courage to make a decision once and for all, and you’re scared you won’t have the strength to get through all that comes after you say those four words, "I want a divorce,” then ROOTED is 100% for you.
ROOTED is my online coaching program which I will be taking LIVE in February. It’s designed to help you FIND YOUR STRENGTH, BUILD YOUR CONFIDENCE, AND STEP INTO YOUR POWER. Learn more here.
Fed Up, Gemma Hartley
Co-Dependent No More, Meldoy Beattie
DSG Episode: NOW...he wants to go to therapy?
This week I am re-airing a listener's favorite episode, The Power of Letting Go with Jill Sherer Murray. The episode aired right before the COVID-19 pandemic began. Since it feels like an entire year has passed since February, I thought I'd revisit some of my most popular episodes from early 2020. I'll be back with new episodes in November!
Wouldn’t you just love the superpower of letting go? If so, you’re in luck! Jill Sherer Murray is a TEDx speaker and influencer, author, blogger, coach, and founder of Let Go For It®, a lifestyle brand dedicated to helping individuals let go for a better life. Jill is my guest on the podcast this week and she’s going to share all about harnessing the power of letting go. Yes, letting go can feel risky and downright scary. And, letting go is a challenge. Especially when you’re contemplating divorce or going through divorce. Jill said something pretty powerful during our time together, “If you figure out how to let go, you can find your way out of or to anything.” So today she’s going to share some ways that you can begin to move forward in your life. After all, this is your one wild and precious life. If you’re waiting for someone to give you permission to live it, you’re not gonna get it. You have to take permission to live it yourself. This includes permission to let go, permission to immerse yourself in self-love, and permission to live your life as you see fit. Show Highlights
- How ending a 12-year relationship was eye-opening and transformational for Jill (6:15)
- What letting go truly is and the importance of acknowledging what you need to let go of before you can take action (14:36)
- We talk about a simple yet powerful exercise which walks you through the process of letting go (26:41)
- Why letting go is real freedom and how the act of self-love empowers us to act boldly (29:37)
- Where women struggle most when it comes self-love and letting go (36:33)
- When we don’t do the work, we are agreeing to let other people to decide what we have and what we don’t have (44:51)
- Let go of being so hard on yourself, let go of other people’s expectations, and let go of being afraid of what you truly want (50:03)
**Learn More About Jill:**
Jill Sherer Murray is a TEDx speaker and influencer, author, blogger, coach, and founder of Let Go For It®, a lifestyle brand dedicated to helping individuals let go for a better life. She is also an award-winning journalist and communications leader who can trace practically every success she’s had in her career, love life, and more to letting go.
Her TEDx talk, “The Unstoppable Power of Letting Go” has been viewed by almost two million people – and grows by the thousands each day. Her book, which comes out in May and is available for pre-order on Amazon and Indiebound, is called Big Wild Love: The Unstoppable Power of Letting Go. She wrote it in response to the countless numbers of viewers who’ve reached out to her for help and inspiration after seeing her TEDx talk.
Jill spent a year studying improvisation comedy at the famous Second City Training Center in Chicago. And another five years writing a popular blog called “Diary of a Writer in Mid-Life Crisis” for www.wildriverreview.com. She also let go of just about everything to put her weight in Shape Magazine—12 times—as part of a year-long assignment to document her weight loss journey for millions of readers.
Resources & Links:
Jill’s website
Jill on Facebook
Jill on Instagram
Jill on LinkedIn
The Unstoppable Power of Letting Go TEDx
A Special Gift from Jill: If you’re struggling like I was in a relationship, not sure whether to hold on or let go, take comfort in knowing that the truth inside you knows the answer. And I have something to help you crack that truth. It’s a simple exercise you can do in just 11 minutes. Get it here: https://bit.ly/31Z9G1U
The Ultimate Divorce Survival Guide
This week we are talking about all things step-parenting. Tracy Poizner, the founder of the Essential Stepmom Podcast, joins me to explore this topic. Tracy and I discuss becoming a step-mom, how to prepare yourself if your ex-husband introduces a stepmother into your child’s life, and how to create an environment for your children to feel safe and loved within their newly formed blended family.
Show Highlights
- It can take up to seven years to settle into being a step-parent. (3:11)
- Some advice for women preparing to become a step-mom. (5:30)
- How to blend house rules between bio children and step-children. (15:05)
- So, there’s a new woman in your ex’s life: Tracy talks about how to prepare for this new situation of sharing your children with another woman. (26:03)
- Recognize this is a place of growth for you, love is not a finite thing - your children will never have less love for you because they have a step-mom in their life. (30:47)
- We discuss family constellation therapy and the orders of love. (32:00)
Learn More About Tracy Poizner:
Tracy is the host of the weekly Essential Stepmom podcast, heard in 54 countries worldwide where she offers unconventional advice and inspiration for The Womanly Art of Raising Someone Else's Kids. Having been a stepmom for 14 years and an alternative healthcare professional for over 20 years, she has a special perspective on emotional healing and how to meet our own personal needs as stepmoms in the everyday chaos of this challenging lifestyle. Tracy's blog is available at her website, essentialstepmom.com.
Resources & Links:
Tracy’s website
Tracy on Facebook
Tracy’s Private Facebook Group
Tracy on Instagram
Download Tracy’s 3 Secrets of Successful Stepmoms
Kate Anthony on Instagram
The Ultimate Divorce Survival Guide
Should I Stay or Should I Go Facebook Group
Jessica Frew is the co-host of the podcast Husband In Law. Along with her husband and ex-husband, they share their stories of love, marriage, coming out, infidelity, divorce, and co-parenting. Jessica and her ex-husband were married for just over a year when he came to terms with the fact he was gay. They then remained married for another seven years. In this episode, Jessica shares her extremely unique and openly loving story of divorce.
Show Highlights
- Jessica’s unique and wonderful experience with divorce and co-parenting. (2:19)
- The boundaries shift with almost any co-parenting relationship. (4:32)
- Why it’s important to not compare your divorce with another. (6:15)
- Understanding your partner’s issues are not about you. (9:07)
- How has being an active member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints has affected Jessica and her co-parenting relationship with her husband. (11:54)
- There is more freedom in personal responsibility. (23:36)
- Navigating religious culture in the face of divorce. (29:02)
Learn More About Jessica Frew
My ex-husband (Steve) and I were married for just over a year when he came to terms with the fact he was gay. We stayed married for another 7 years. We were happily married but there was a side of Steve that he needed to explore and be authentic to. When we divorced, we discussed how we wanted our divorce to look for ourselves and for our daughter. We have been able to stick to that plan. I have been remarried now for 6 years and have 2 step kids. My husband (Matt) and Steve get along as well. We do birthdays, family dinners, holidays, and vacations together. They even take our girls out on double dates. It is such a blessing. Matt's ex-wife does not like us, despite our efforts to have a good relationship with her. We have learned to set firm boundaries in order to protect ourselves and our children. I have learned so much about what it really means to be a stepmom. I have learned to let go of control to not take offense when mud is slung my way. It is a hard roll to find your place in because it is one you never expect to hold. Together my husband, ex-husband, and I are sharing our stories of love, marriage, coming out, infidelity, divorce, and co-parenting in our Podcast Husband in Law. We are doing this to help individuals view themselves and others in a new light so that they can see not only their own self-worth but also the worth of others. We are changing how people view themselves and others to create more understanding and stronger relationships.
Resources & Links:
Connect with Jessica
Jessica on Instagram
Podcast Husband in Law
Jessica on Facebook
The Ultimate Divorce Survival Guide
Should I Stay or Should I Go Facebook Group
When it comes to divorce and alcohol abuse, weaponizing the disease of alcoholism is the worst thing you can do — not only for the individual being accused but also for your children. Today, Chris Beck, VP of Soberlink, joins me for a discussion about how Soberlink is empowering co-parenting relationships and keeping families together — even after divorce.
In this conversation, Chris and I take a deep dive into the alcohol monitoring system Soberlink and learn how it is used as an empowerment tool that helps build trust between divorcing parents. Soberlink allows you to have peace of mind that your children are safe while with your ex, while keeping communication lines open as well.
Show Highlights
- How the testing system works, and when to use it. (3:00)
- Why random testing may not be ideal in a custodial environment (6:00)
- What happens if there is a positive test during parenting time. (8:42)
- Soberlink is not a punitive or oppressive tool, it is a unifying tool. (10:00)
- Reducing the stigma of alcohol use. (13:25)
- How the results are tracked and how Soberlink works within the family law court system. (17:37)
- COVID-19 and how it’s affecting cases involving alcohol abuse. (23:06)
Learn More About Chris Beck:Chris Beck is the VP of Business Development for Soberlink Healthcare. Chris’s primary responsibilities include working with Family Law Judges, Attorneys, and Health Care Professionals across the country to educate them on Soberlink’s modern approach to alcohol monitoring for Child Custody Cases. He has led over 25, 1-hour educational presentations and continues to find new opportunities to raise awareness around alcohol monitoring and child safety.
Resources & Links:
Soberlink
Soberlink on Facebook
Soberlink on LinkedIn
Soberlink on YouTube
Soberlink on Instagram
Soberlink on Twitter
The Ultimate Divorce Survival Guide
Should I Stay or Should I Go Facebook Group
We do ceremonies for many of life’s transitions - baby showers, weddings, and more. When one is faced with divorce, creating a ceremony isn’t something most consider doing. However, a divorce ceremony can help you emotionally and spiritually, and create an intention of how you want it all to go. And that is the topic of this week’s episode.
The Ceremonialist, Georgia Wall, joins me to discuss what the divorce ceremony process could look like and how ceremonies are a reverent and intentional act that brings us closer to our innermost sense of knowing, always with the aim of honoring our own humanity as well as the humanity of all people.
We also discuss the various ways in which you can create a ceremony for yourself and work to cut the chords of the divorce process. I invite you to listen to this episode with an open heart and receive the possibilities of this spiritual wellness work.
Show Highlights
- How Georgia came to this work and what kind of ceremonies she helps to create. (6:43)
- Ceremonies for internal shifts, including acknowledging the painful parts of life and figuring out where you want to be. (7:50)
- Being intentional about what you are stepping into or stepping away from. (11:24)
- The various stages of divorce and the ceremonies that you can create - like one for finding clarity and one for the actual divorce. (19:53)
- The ceremony creation process and some of the deep insights uncovered. (20:22)
- When you name something (your divorce, your realization that you should go, or decision to stay) with intention, helps you to see all the places where your various thoughts and feelings exist. (33:12)
- Spiritual practices help you to set an intention. (37:47)
Learn More About Georgia Wall:
Georgia Wall is an artist, educator, and Ceremonialist based in New York City. She offers personalized ceremonies to individuals, groups & communities. Rather than adhering to a specific practice or lineage, Georgia "seeks to uncover the specific inner ceremony that an individual or a group carries within them -- the ceremony that is necessary and arising for the given moment, born from lived experience." She considers her practice of ceremony a process of co-creation with the people she works with. Georgia has created ceremonies to acknowledge and honor everything from births to deaths, to the more intimate rights of passage, like the end of a romantic relationship or a decision to have an abortion. Georgia describes a ceremony as "a reverent and intentional act that brings us closer to our innermost sense of knowing, always with the aim of honoring our own humanity as well as the humanity of all people"
Resources & Links:
Georgia’s website
The Ultimate Divorce Survival Guide
Should I Stay or Should I Go Facebook Group
My guest this week, Carrie Casden, has a really interesting approach to talking about money. In this episode, we are talking all about our relationship to money in the face of divorce. Carrie Casden is a business manager and financial coach. She coaches clients toward financial wellness and how to make smart fiscal decisions.
There's often a variety of emotions that come up when talking about or dealing with money. If you don't work on the feelings now, it's going to be much harder to stay on a budget during divorce.
Carrie helps us understand what it means to unpack our money stories. She helps us get to the heart of money issues and empowers us to make financial decisions for our future.
In fact, our conversation can be summed up as one about empowering women to take responsibility and control of their own financial security, stability, and futures.
Show Highlights
- How to unpack and understand your relationship with money. (7:22)
- The difference between a conscious and subconscious relationship with money. (7:56)
- There's always sort of an emotion attached to money. (10:56)
- Money archetypes and why understanding your pattern will help you make money choices more wisely. (11:48)
- Money behaviors, and why we feel like it's an underutilized portion of friendship. (39:06)
- How to figure out which money archetype you are. (47:26)
Learn More About Carrie Casden:
Carrie Casden is a business manager and certified money coach at Summit Financial Management in West Los Angeles. She coaches clients across the United States towards financial wellness and helps them understand their conscious and subconscious relationship with money. She works with clients going through divorce and guides them through the sometimes overwhelming financial steps involved with ending one chapter and creating a new and more meaningful one.
Resources & Links:
Carrie on Instagram
The Ultimate Divorce Survival Guide
Should I Stay or Should I Go Facebook Group
A huge realization for many women going through divorce is around the emotional abuse they’ve suffered in their marriage. In my program, we have an entire module dedicated to uncovering and understanding this, part of which is hosted by my guest today, Rhian Lockard.
Invariably, as women dive more deeply into the work of uncovering emotional abuse, they are struck with the question, “Wait, am I the abuser?”
This week, my friend and colleague Rhian Lockard returns to the podcast to help answer that very question. (Spoiler: if you’re asking the question, you’re not the abuser.)
Rhian is a multi-certified life coach who specializes in supporting her clients out of toxic relationships with themselves and others. In this episode, Rhian helps us to understand the difference between being the abuser and being someone backed into a corner trying to save themselves from a very real threat.
Show Highlights
- If you are asking the question, “Am I the abuser?”, you’re not the abuser. (3:56)
- Someone who is emotionally abusive is seeking control from a relationship and not love or connection. (5:55)
- The fatal trait of a narcissist is that they want love but refuse to do the self-work. (16:02)
- Because you are not the abuser does not mean you don’t have toxic qualities. (18:03)
- How and why we start to behave in alignment with how our relationship is set up. (31:43)
- How do you get out of a toxic relationship? (35:39)
- Why you should go to therapy yourself, first. (41:48)
- How women can take back their innate sense of knowing. (48:14)
Learn More About Rhian Lockhard:
Rhian Lockard is a multi-certified life coach who specializes in supporting her clients out of toxic relationships with themselves and others.
Resources & Links:
Rhian’s websites: Rhianlockard.com and Moonstonewitchery.com
Rhian on Facebook
Rhian’s previous appearance on The Divorce Survival Guide
Rhian’s YouTube Video - Am I the Abuser?
Look for Rhian's podcast - What Is Love? - on your favorite podcast streaming app!
The Ultimate Divorce Survival Guide
Should I Stay or Should I Go Facebook Group
This week on the podcast, we’re talking about dating after divorce with Bela Gandhi. Bela has been called The Fairy Godmother of Dating by Steve Harvey, Harry Connick Jr. and The Huffington Post — so basically, she’s magic.
Bela is the founder of The Smart Dating Academy in Chicago, and has been helping people find lifelong love for over a decade.
When I first got divorced, I could not wait to start dating!! Unfortunately, I wasn’t focused on dating for fun and experience. Instead, I was on a quest for my next husband! Needless to say, that did not go very well for me. #stillsingle
When I look back at my dating experience post separation and divorce, I can say without hesitation that it was the biggest lesson in learning who I am in relationships. If you’re thinking about what dating after divorce will look like for you or about to start dating again, I encourage you to look at dating as an interesting and introspective process.
And to listen to whatever Bela tells you to do — that’s what I’m doing now! #projectfindkateahusband
Show Highlights
- How to know when you’re ready to date and why making sure you are as healed as you can be following your divorce is so important. (7:47)
- If you haven’t worked on yourself first, you’ll run into the same relationship over and over again. (11:59)
- The difference between what happened in your past relationships and what you made up. (16:16)
- What has happened to the dating world because of COVID-19. (20:41)
- What are some of today’s rules of engagement for women coming out of marriages? (26:16)
- Some of the red flags of dating. (29:28)
- Dating with attention and awareness. (42:16)
- Smart Dating Academy: How Bela and her team work with clients. (46:09)
Learn More About Bela Gandhi:Bela Gandhi is a dating/relationship expert, founder of Smart Dating Academy and a weekly media correspondent. She is a relationship expert and has been featured on most national/local media outlets.
After she graduated (with dual degrees in Finance and German from the University of Illinois in Urbana/Champaign), Gandhi worked in mergers and acquisitions for Arthur Andersen in Chicago for a year before joining her family's chemical and manufacturing company (CCC) as the, where she divided her time between Chicago and Europe helping to expand the business. When the Gandhi family sold its business to Akzo Nobel, she was asked to remain its leader, and became Akzo Nobel Non-Stick Coating’s Global Vice President of Housewares. But even as she quickly climbed the corporate ladder, Gandhi had a feeling that her career would one day be taking a sharp turn in a different direction – because she discovered her love of matchmaking and providing dating advice. She launched her Smart Dating Academy in 2009.
Smart Dating Academy has quickly become one of the nation's top date coaching firms - and teaches busy, successful professionals to jump start their dating lives successfully. Smart Dating Academy is described by its clients “like going to Harvard Business School, but for dating and relationships”. SDA’s coaches become personal trainers for their clients’ love lives. The SDA coaching program is results-oriented and fun - which helps you to clarify who is right for you, stop old dating patterns, and use technology the RIGHT way. You become positive and enthusiastic about dating / relationships again! Its clients receive personalized dating plans, and essential training in how to meet high caliber singles, personal style, conversation, and online success.
Resources & Links:Bela on Instagram
Bela on Facebook
Bela on Twitter
Visit Bela’s website and grab your copy of 7 Clues You're Dating A Narcissist
The Ultimate Divorce Survival Guide
Should I Stay or Should I Go Facebook Group
Everything about divorce is hard. Court proceedings, mediation, and yes, co-parenting. In fact, nothing is more important than the safety and love for your children. When a co-parenting relationship turns sour or worse, parental alienation occurs, your children experience an emotional cutoff from one (or both) parents.
This week, we are talking about conscious co-parenting and attachment-based parental alienation with Dorcy Pruter. Dorcy is recognized as one of America’s Top Reunification Specialists, a “Conscious Co-Parenting Coach," who teaches divorcing parents struggling with Attachment-Based Parental Alienation how to reunite with their alienated children and resurface the bond that was obstructed.
Parents oftentimes are well intended, and most times our actions manifest from fear and love. It’s a fine line to maneuver. Dorcy helps us to understand how parental alienation shows up and what we can do about it. She also provides some amazing insight about essential skills our children should know in order to cope and move through life as a child of parents living apart.
Show Highlights
- Dorcy explains Attachment-Based Parental Alienation and how it shows up in co-parenting relationships. (4:59)
- Why the goal is to protect all children, all of the time. (12:23)
- Covert alienation and what to do if you are the parent on the receiving end of implicit attacks. (14:06)
- The importance of creating a soft place for your children to land. (17:02)
- Why you should stop covering for your ex’s inadequacies and instead teach your children how to be in a relationship with them. (23:03)
- Critical thinking skills are one of the most powerful skills that we can teach our kids. (34:29)
- Why you should stop covering for your ex’s inadequacies and instead teach your children how to be in a relationship with them.
- Critical thinking skills are one of the most powerful skills that we can teach our kids.
Learn More About Dorcy Pruter
Dorcy is recognized as one of America’s Top Reunification Specialists, a “Conscious Co-Parenting Coach," who teaches divorcing parents, struggling with Attachment-Based Parental Alienation, how to reunite with their alienated children and resurface the bond that was obstructed. She teaches children “HOW to be in relationship with BOTH parents” and delivers high-impact reunification strategies that inspire left-behind parents to take immediate action and restore the relationships with their children. In just a few years, Dorcy created one of the world’s leading co-parenting companies, The Conscious Co-Parenting Institute, to meet the needs of parents wherever they are in the divorce process.
Resources & Links:Conscious Co-Parenting Institute
Dorcy on Facebook
Dorcy on LinkedIn
Dorcy on Instagram
Dorcy on Twitter
Custody Resolution Method program
The Ultimate Divorce Survival Guide
Should I Stay or Should I Go Facebook Group
Getting sober is a vulnerable process, but as this week’s guest’s book suggests, there is surprising magic in getting sober. Laura McKowen, author of We Are the Luckiest is here to talk about her journey to sobriety, getting comfortable with the uncomfortable, and making it through to the other side.
I’ve been on my own sobriety journey, and I'm still kind of early in the process. In this episode, you’ll hear how my story is completely different from Laura's, yet the feelings are so similar.
If you’re not sober, if you're not struggling to get sober, or if you have no intention of ever getting sober, this episode (and Laura’s book) is still a great resource! The wisdom Laura shares during our conversation are applicable to every facet of life.
Show Highlights
- Laura shares openly about getting divorced in the midst of her sobriety journey. (4:53)
- Learning how to be in a relationship with someone without alcohol. (10:45)
- Why people-pleasing is a form of dishonesty and some of the other insidious ways that we're not honest with ourselves and those around us. (16:38)
- The pregnancy principle: what it is and why it matters. (39:45)
- In order for something new to grow there have to be boundaries. (23:36)
- How to let go of perfectionism. (40:01)
Learn More About Laura McKowen:
Laura McKowen is the author of We Are the Luckiest. She is a former public relations executive who has become recognized as a fresh voice in the recovery movement. Beloved for her soulful and irreverent writing, she now leads sold-out yoga-based retreats and courses that teach people how to say yes to a bigger life. She hosted the iTunes Top 100 podcast HOME, with over 1.5 million downloads. and has been featured on the TODAY show, in the Guardian, New York Times, Web MD, and more.
Resources & Links:
Laura’s website
Laura on Facebook
Laura on Instagram
Laura on Twitter
Laura on Pinterest
The Ultimate Divorce Survival Guide
Should I Stay or Should I Go Facebook Group
This week on the show, we have a woman who has been crowned The Fairy Godmother of Divorce by the New York Post! Nicole Noon, Esq. is a nationally recognized divorce expert and pioneer of divorce funding. And she's super cool.
So what is divorce funding? It’s very much like getting an advance so that you can afford to go through your divorce. If you’ve decided it is time to leave your marriage, but are stuck due to finances, then divorce funding might help you move forward. Nicole helps us understand what it is and how it can help women get through financial hurdles.
Show Highlights
- Divorce funding, what it is and how it can help. (4:00)
- Some of the ways in which you can use the funds. (8:47))
- Securing a divorce fund and the process from start to finish. (10:00)
- How having your credit destroyed by your husband can affect your ability to apply for and get funds. (11:28)
- The logistics of divorce funding, including how to access the money, terms for paying it back, and more. (21:00)
- Some resources for women who can't afford to go the usual divorce route. (26:00)
Learn More About Nicole Noonan, Esq.:
Nicole Noonan, Esq., CEO of New Chapter Capital Inc., specializes in divorce funding. She formerly served as President of Novitas US. She is a nationally recognized divorce expert and pioneer of divorce funding. Crowned the “Fairy Godmother of Divorce” by the New York Post. Recognized by New York Magazine as New York’s Women Leader’s in the Law 2014. She has been seen on Good Morning America, Bloomberg TV, WLNY’s “The Couch” and WPIX. She also been featured in The Huffington Post’s Women in Business, American Banker, The Economist, Forbes Magazine, Fortune Magazine, and The New York Times
Resources & Links:
Nicole’s website
Nicole on Instagram
Nicole on LinkedIn
Nicole on Facebook
Nicole on Twitter
The Ultimate Divorce Survival Guide
Should I Stay or Should I Go Facebook Group
When the Black Lives Matter movement rose up more powerfully than ever in the wake of the murder of George Floyd, I checked in with the Black women in my Facebook group to see how they were doing.
Obviously, they weren’t doing too well. But one thing they were struggling with surprised me: the guilt they felt around leaving Black men in the midst of this rise in racial tension. Because the Black women in my group are all too aware of the trauma that Black men carry on their backs, simply by virtue of being Black men in America, and would leave them now traumatize them in some even deeper way?
Most women feel guilty for leaving their husbands on some level. Most of us are even keenly aware of the trauma that our partners live with that impact many of the issues in our marriages. But the guilt Black women feel is something else entirely. The trauma Black men live with by virtue of being Black in America is something that most of us can only begin to fathom.
In order to break down this topic (and a few more!) I turned to my friend Dana Michelle Davenport, Esq, who is a Black woman, an attorney, and a divorced mom!
In this episode, we discuss how the world’s current events are impacting our diverse population and what COVID-19 is teaching us about how we look at and live our lives.
Show Highlights
- Black women tend to put themselves last, Dana offers some insightful advice on managing your own priorities and values, and not to feel guilty about it. (10:51)
- You don’t know what kind of co-parent you are until you are one and you don’t know what kind of co-parent you married until you divorce. (21:31)
- You will carry the same baggage into your next relationship if you don’t deal with it and work through it. (23:00)
- If your partner is not supportive of your dreams or growth and tries to squash them, this is just one RED flag that you are not where you are supposed to be. You have to stand up for you! (38:00)
- We discuss toxic energy and projection, and how it can affect you. (40:00)
- Part of growth is not being afraid of failure. (44:00)
Learn More About Dana Michelle Davenport, Esq.:Dana Michelle is the host of radio and television talk shows Dana Being Dana, new television show Finding Common Ground and Co-founder and Director of The Homecoming Challenge, a non-profit alumni giving campaign. A full-time practicing attorney and mother of two, Dana Michelle divorced in 2015 and unleashed a new lease on life.
Resources & Links:
Our Happy Divorce weekly lives / weekly live archived episode with Dana
Dana’s website
Dana Being Dana
Finding Common Ground
Dana on Facebook
Dana on Instagram
Dana’s Homecoming Challenge
The Ultimate Divorce Survival Guide
Should I Stay or Should I Go Facebook Group
Kundalini Yoga provides you the chance to be more introverted, relate more to your subtle nature, heal your inner wounds, and navigate your intuition system. When you check-in with your intuition, as Kundalini helps you to do, you inherently get answers to some of your deepest, most difficult questions, including, “Should I stay or should I go?”
As we enter the final week of sex and intimacy month, I am talking with Libby Lydecker about Kundalini Yoga, and how it can help awaken your intuition and help you lead a more intimate life. We also discuss sexual alchemy, including what it is (it’s more than just about sex) and how to harness it. Libby Lydecker (aka Dya Kaur) is a Kundalini Yoga teacher of 13 years, a Spiritual Life Coach, a conscious Sexuality Podcaster, and an International Retreat Leader. In this episode, she helps us to understand just how powerful women can be when they do the inner work and bring out their power from within.
Show Highlights
- What is Kundalini Yoga and how it differs from other forms of yoga (5:00)
- You can’t give your power away to anyone else, fixing yourself is inner work. (14:00)
- Addiction recovery and Kundalini Yoga. (22:06)
- How Kundalini can be used to heal divorce trauma and how it provides an eagle-eye perspective to help you move through it. (27:17)
- Every woman carries a ferocious power within them, waking up into that power is the way we will transform ourselves and society. (35:15)
- There is nothing wrong with justifiable anger, but Kundalini asks you to consider what you can do with that anger? (38:00)
- Sexual Alchemy, what it is and how we can harness it. (39:46)
- Feeling sexually confident at any age and why it is your birthright to experience sexual pleasure. (51:38)
- How to invite men into the healed power of a woman. (54:00)
Learn More About Libby Lydecker: Libby Hudson Lydecker aka Dya (pronounced Daya) Kaur (like car) is a Kundalini Yoga teacher of 13 years, a Spiritual Life Coach and a conscious Sexuality Podcaster (Sexual Alchemy with Dya Kaur) and International Retreat Leader. Through the technology of Kundalini Yoga, and conscious self authorized empowerment, she helps guide her students and clients to find their solutions from within. Our best answers are found when we give our higher self space and freedom from the clutter of our conditioning and social prescriptions.
Resources & Links:
Libby’s website
Libby on Facebook
Sexual Alchemy with Dya Kaur on Instagram
Libby on LinkedIn
Kate on Sexual Alchemy with Dya Kaur
The Ultimate Divorce Survival Guide
Should I Stay or Should I Go Facebook Group
Are you ready to take your sexy back? As we enter another week of sex and intimacy month on the podcast, I am bringing you one of my favorite people to talk to about sex and relationships, Dr. Alexandra Solomon. Dr. Solomon is the author of the books Loving Bravely: Twenty Lessons of Self-Discovery to Help You Get the Love You Want and Taking Sexy Back: How to Own Your Sexuality and Create the Relationships You Want. She is also a clinical assistant professor at Northwestern University and a licensed clinical psychologist at The Family Institute at Northwestern University.
In this episode, we talk about the various ways women can reclaim their sexuality after divorce. We discuss the importance of attaching sexuality to oneself as opposed to someone else, shifting the way we teach and talk about sex, and how being vulnerable can aid in sexual healing. Divorce can leave you feeling broken and unsexy, but you really can own your sexuality and create the life you desire -- even in midlife!
Show Highlights
- What prompted Dr. Alexandra to write “Taking Sexy Back,” and how it stresses the importance of reclaiming your sexuality. (3:00)
- Attaching sexuality to ourselves rather than to someone else. (5:59)
- Changing and shifting the way we teach sex education. (8:00)
- How the patriarchy has impacted women's sexual ownership and sexual power. (13:46)
- The spectrum of sexual coercion and manipulation. (20:00)
- Risk, trust, self-compassion, and consent. (29:05)
- How couples can navigate desire discrepancy. (36:02)
- How to talk about sex safely with your partner, when it doesn't feel that safe. (45:00)
Learn More About Dr. Alexandra Solomon
Dr. Alexandra Solomon is a clinical assistant professor at Northwestern University and a licensed clinical psychologist at The Family Institute at Northwestern University. She is the author of Loving Bravely: Twenty Lessons of Self-Discovery to Help You Get the Love You Want (New Harbinger, 2017) and Taking Sexy Back: How to Own Your Sexuality and Create the Relationships You Want (New Harbinger, 2020). She writes articles and chapters for leading academic journals and books in the field of marriage and family and is a regular contributor at Psychology Today. You can connect with Dr. Solomon at DrAlexandraSolomon.com.
Resources & Links:
DrAlexandraSolomon.com
Loving Bravely: Twenty Lessons of Self-Discovery to Help You Get the Love You Want
Taking Sexy Back: How to Own Your Sexuality and Create the Relationships
Dr. Alexandra Solomon on Instagram
Dr. Alexandra Solomon on Facebook
Dr. Alexandra Solomon on Twitter
Dr. Alexandra Solomon on LinkedIn
The Ultimate Divorce Survival Guide
Should I Stay or Should I Go Facebook Group
When we’re talking about marriage, sex is an important topic. So in the month of July, we are talking ALL about sex and intimacy. I’m kicking off the month with Dr. Joe Kort. Dr. Joe is a Licensed Sex and Relationship Therapist who is trained in Sex Therapy and Imago Relationship Therapy (you know I love my Imago peeps!). Dr. Kort specializes in working with sexual dysfunction, relationship concerns, and with individuals identifying as LGBTQ and presenting issues.
Something I see a lot in my work is when someone gets caught cheating, and then they claim to be a sex addict. One of the reasons I wanted to talk with Dr. Joe was to ask him, “What is a sex addict?” Dr. Joe shares why he thinks there is no such thing as sex addiction and what he sees within his work instead.
We also explore whether or not porn is a sexual health crisis, how to negotiate erotic differences, and maneuvering through a mixed-orientation relationship.
Some deep stuff here, folks!
Show Highlights
- There is a difference between sex addiction therapy and sex therapy - not all therapists are created equal. (9:00)
- Why the term sex addiction boxes people in. (12:00)
- How to broach the subject of porn, open-relationships, and other vulnerable conversations about sex. (15:14)
- How erotic orientation differs from sexual orientation. (20:00)
- Is porn a sexual health crisis? (23:22)
- Negotiating erotic differences with your partner and having erotic empathy. (34:09)
- How you can recover from infidelity. (36:00)
Learn More About Dr. Kort:
Dr. Joe Kort is a Licensed Sex and Relationship Therapist. He is trained in Sex Therapy and Imago Relationship Therapy. Dr. Kort specializes in working with sexual dysfunction, relationship concerns, and with individuals identifying as LGBTQ and presenting issues. He is the author of four books: 10 Smart Things Gay Men Can Do To Improve Their Lives, 10 Smart Things Gay Men Can Do To Find Real Love, LGBTQ Clients in Therapy: Clinical Issues and Treatment Strategies, and Is My Husband Gay, Straight, or Bi?: A Guide for Women Concerned about Their Men. Dr. Kort is a blogger for Psychology Today. He is also the Co-Director of Modern Sex Therapy Institutes’ LGBTQIA Affirmative Therapy Certification and the Couples and Sex Therapy Certification Programs. He works with Modern Sex Therapy Institutes to provide Certification trainings including Sex Therapy Certification and continuing education to mental health and medical professionals around the world. He also has a podcast, www.SmartSexSmartLove.com. His website is www.JoeKort.com
Resources & Links:
Dr Kort’s website
Dr. Kort’s on Twitter
Dr. Kort’s on Facebook
Kate on Dr. Joe’s Podcast
The Ultimate Divorce Survival Guide
Should I Stay or Should I Go Facebook Group
This week, Dr. Elizabeth Cohen and I discuss how to cope when your partner has an active addiction. Underneath everything you are going through, there is so much fear and a lack of belief in yourself. Everything about a divorce is uncomfortable. Dr. Elizabeth Cohen helps people get a little more comfortable with something so painful.
When you’re living with or divorcing a partner who has an active addiction, you may find yourself acting out different behaviors like the need to control every situation. You may become (or already be!) codependent, and you focus on their healing instead of your own. When you finally take the focus off of them and towards yourself you can begin to see light at the end of what may be a very dark tunnel.
Show Highlights
- When women share themselves openly and honestly, the world begins to split open. (9:21)
- Focusing on your growth and healing is how we change the world — and our circumstances. (11:06)
- The issue with wanting to control a situation while being in denial about what the real problem is. (17:21)
- Sublimating your own needs for someone else. (23:00)
- Breaking the cycle of codependency. (24:15)
- The core issue about a person abusing any substance is the difficulty sitting with emotions. (34:41)
- A partner should never be responsible for healing the other. (38:36)
- Some advice for those who are living with an active addict. (47:33)
Learn More About Dr. Cohen:
Dr. Cohen is the CEO and founder of the online divorce course and membership Afterglow: The Light at the Other Side of Divorce. This 14 week course teaches women how to heal, grow and thrive after divorce no matter how difficult the process has been. Dr. Cohen offers a monthly membership program to provide 1:1 coaching, expert support from divorce professionals and an engaged community of like-minded people. Dr. Cohen received her PhD in clinical psychology from Boston University. She was the recipient of the prestigious American Psychological Foundation Research Award for her doctoral research. She has been featured on the Tamron Hall Show, the Wall Street Journal, NBC News, Women’s Health, Huff Post, Thrive Global, Daily Beast and Good Housekeeping. Dr. Cohen is a weekly contributor to Psychology Today with her “Divorce Course” column.
Resources & Links:
Dr. Cohen’s website
Dr. Cohen on Instagram
Facebook The Divorce Doctor- Elizabeth Cohen,PhD
14 Day Step-By-Step Guide To Make Any Tough Decision While Going Through Divorce
3 Steps to Take Right Now for A Stress Free Divorce
Our Happy Divorce Livestream, Drugs, Alcohol, and Divorce with Kate and Elizabeth
The Ultimate Divorce Survival Guide
Should I Stay or Should I Go Facebook Group
I am excited to bring you my interview with my dear friend, Wendy Sterling. Wendy and I are talking about healing and reclaiming ownership of your voice and identity after divorce. Wendy is a Divorce Recovery Specialist, a certified life coach, writer, author, and speaker who founded The Divorce Rehab™.
Wendy and I are book-ends when it comes to divorce and coaching. I work with women before their divorce, and Wendy works with women after divorce and helps them build their life back up.
In this episode, we discuss the idea that divorce can be an empowering experience. Yes, it’s emotional and downright hard. And, when we get to the heart of the matter - divorce is a breakdown.
But to get to the breakthrough, you have to sit through the breakdown first.
I hope that this episode is a reminder to allow yourself to experience the pain and work to get to the other side. Because it may just be the best thing to ever happen to you.
Show Highlights
- Wendy’s story of divorce and the realization that divorce can be an empowering experience. (3:59)
- Comparing your relationship to other relationships is unhealthy and unnecessary. (14:01)
- When Wendy’s marriage was over, she realized she no longer needed to continue doing things that didn’t fulfil her. (19:09)
- Why you should get curious about what is coming up when you are working to find your voice and identity. (24:27)
- What inspires Wendy to do the work she does with divorced women. (28:11)
- The Divorce Rehab™ - a five-step process that focuses on using tough love to move through the pain and fear of divorce more quickly than if you do it alone. (33:11)
Learn More About Wendy:
Wendy Sterling is a Divorce Recovery Specialist, a certified life coach, writer, author and speaker who founded The Divorce Rehab™. Wendy helps divorced women recover from their divorce by remembering who they are and what they are capable of by ending their pity party, mourning their marriage and MOVING FORWARD with dignity to see how much better life is afterwards. She believes divorce can be an empowering experience that women go through to find their true identity and voice to create the life they want instead of the life they feel stuck with. Wendy is a graduate from UCLA and a Certified Professional Co-Active Coach (CPCC) from The Co-Active Training Institute. She is also an Associate Certified Coach (ACC) through International Coach Federation. Wendy is a divorced, single mom who transformed her own life from Corporate America employee to entrepreneur and currently lives in Sherman Oaks, CA with her two boys and dog.
Resources & Links:
Wendy’s website
Wendy on Facebook
Wendy on Instagram
Free 15-minute Divorce Recovery Call
The Ultimate Divorce Survival Guide
Should I Stay or Should I Go Facebook Group
Today, Kimberly Nelson, Financial Advisor, CFA®, and CDFA comes back to the podcast to discuss financial resources and strategies to help you maneuver through divorce and debt during COVID-19. The global pandemic has created an uncertain financial time for many. Instability in employment and, directly related, instability in spousal or child support you may be receiving, are just two of the financial concerns those going through divorce face.
And holy cow, it’s a lot to process. Going through a divorce during this extra tumultuous time adds a layer of complexity to everything. Kimberly walks us through how to manage your debt, your finances, and what to do if/when you lose financial support from your ex or stbx due to his or her loss of income.
She also leaves us all with this reminder: There is no shame when it comes to your finances and COVID-19; nationally we are all dealing with this.
*Please note this episode was recorded on 5/21/20. While advice is still relevant, listeners are encouraged to consider that the COVID-19 pandemic is creating an environment that changes rapidly, and new announcements, rules, regulations, etc. continue to evolve.
Show Highlights
- What to do if you receive spousal or child support and are no longer receiving it due to your ex-spouse’s change in income due to COVID-19. (6:00)
- How to prepare for a drop in income. (13:00)
- If you have a pending divorce, keep debt lines separate. Plus, some other strategies for when you are carrying a lot of debt. (16:00)
- The different types of debt - revolving debt vs. installment debt. (19:00)
- The benefits and disadvantages of refinancing. (21:00)
- Rent and eviction moratoriums. (27:32)
- Kimberly answers the question: Are any of the financial programs available during COVID-19 available to those who may have been unemployed prior to the pandemic? (31:00)
- What you should know about auto loans and student loans. (33:00)
- Why you should have all agreements - between you and your ex - in writing. (41:00)
- Negative interest rates - what they are and why they are used. (53:53)
Learn More About Kimberly:
Kimberly has been working with high net worth divorcees in the LA area for more than 15 years. She understands the challenges women face when navigating an overwhelming bevy of attorneys, accountants, insurers, and other advisors during the dissolution process. Kimberly’s team at Coastal Bridge Advisors prides itself on its ability to organize all the advisory elements in a coordinated manner and ensure that the advice their clients receive is clear, constant, and in the best interest of the family or individual.
Resources & Links:
Coastal Bridge Advisors
Kimberly on LinkedIn
The Ultimate Divorce Survival Guide
Should I Stay or Should I Go Facebook Group
This week I am sharing the story of Miry Whitehill, a divorcee who founded the non-profit organization Miry’s List. During a painful time in her marriage, Miry found herself in a spot where she could help a refugee family who just arrived in the United States. Today, she shares how volunteering and starting Miry’s List filled her life with gratitude and love, which she had lost so long ago.
MIry’s story is one of self-reflection, growth, and compassion - for herself, for her sons, and the community. At a pivotal moment in her life, she asked herself, “What if today I am going to see myself the way the world sees me and not the way one person sees me?” And that was the day Miry decided she was going to live life on her terms.
Show Highlights
- Why the refugee experience is not one built on informed consent. (12:18)
- The survive, hive, and thrive phases of Miry’s List. (16:10)
- The story of how Miry’s List began, her battle with Postpartum Depression, and her deteriorating marriage. (18:27)
- Turning the idea of seeing divorce as a failure into realizing life in a bad marriage would be the failure. (38:51)
- How Miry began to support herself - a former stay-at-home mom - after her divorce. (53:58)
Learn More About Miry:In July 2016, Miry Whitehill founded Miry’s List, a nonprofit helping families resettling in America as refugees get the support they need to start over by connecting them with their new American neighbors. As Executive Director, she’s had the opportunity to learn about refugee resettlement through the eyes of the families we work with. She has spoken at universities, companies of all sizes, schools, and nonprofit organizations helping people learn about how the refugee resettlement system in America works, how it feels for families, and how they can help.
She is the mother of two boys and is passionate about helping people of all ages and abilities become better neighbors. With a background in digital marketing and video advertising, Miry has a thorough understanding of digital and social media, how to create impact using crowdsourcing, and how to turn your life’s passion into a movement.
Resources & Links:
World Refugee Day
Miry’s List
The Ultimate Divorce Survival Guide
Should I Stay or Should I Go Facebook Group
“If you think what’s going on all across the U.S. doesn’t have anything to do with what’s going on inside your marriage, you’re dead wrong.” That’s a line from one of my recent Instagram posts about this week’s podcast topic.
So what do racism and systemic racism (AKA white supremacy) have to do with your marriage, exactly? The same systems that are oppressing and killing black men right now, this entire system of white male supremacy, is the exact same system that we are fighting against in dismantling the patriarchy.
And that has everything to do with your marriage. In this episode, I explain how and why in detail.
Here's the thing: I decided to just turn on the microphone and address these topics head-on. And as a white woman, with my own implicit biases and blind spots, I may have gotten things wrong. And that's ok. I'm willing to listen and learn and pivot.
I almost didn't release this episode because I was scared to get it "wrong." But then I realized that that very thought/feeling was part of my own white fragility. This fear is what silences so many white people, and it's our silence that has allowed this to go on for as long as it has.
White people need to speak up. We need to be willing to step in it, and when we get called out for getting something "wrong," we need to say, "Thank you. I hear you," to those who've taken the time to educate us.
We don't need to be defensive, or work overtime to prove that we're an "ally." An ally says "thank you," and digests what's been said by the very people we're purporting to support.
Bottom line: we need to pull this poisonous weed of white supremacy up at its root. Let’s get to work.
Resources & Links:Anti-racism resources
Though their marriage has been over for nearly a decade, Ben Heldfond and Nikki DeBartolo still share a happy life with their son Asher and their spouses and children.
As we continue Parenting Month on The Divorce Survival Guide Podcast, Ben and Nikki join me to discuss their happy divorce story. Yes, happy. There is no villain in their story. As you’ll hear in this episode, they came to a spot in their divorce where they took accountability for their actions and worked together to create a new life for their separated family.
If you’re thinking, "This could never happen to me," I’d like to offer a word of caution: please don't compare where you're at in the divorce process with Ben and Nikki's journey. Instead, use their story as inspiration. We hope that you end up in a place where you see a happy divorce as something you can work to achieve.
Show Highlights
- The red flags that came up on their wedding day, about getting married. (12:20)
- The story of their divorce, how it went from what looked like an ugly divorce to one of agreement and solace. (14:52)
- Divorce doesn't screw up kids. It's how we do our divorces. (20:39)
- We all take responsibility; we both have to take responsibility for our parts. (30:18)
- Ben and Nikki' s negative experience going to divorce class. (36:06)
- Advice for those getting divorced who may not be in the same place as Ben and Nikki, what you can do if you are on one side of divorce and not being met on that side by your partner. (53:50)
- New relationships after divorce, Ben and Nikki got their new significant others on board with your unique link. (57:40)
Learn More About Ben and Nikki:From weeknight dinners and homework sessions to Christmas card photos and vacations, Nikki and Ben have created a tight-knit, enviable family. They work and play well together, from the smallest daily tasks to the biggest life events—and it only took a divorce to get them there. Though their marriage has been over for nearly a decade, they still share a happy life with each other and their son Asher, along with their spouses and children.
Resources & Links:
Our Happy Divorce Website
Our Happy Divorce on Facebook
Our Happy Divorce on Instagram
Our Happy Divorce on Twitter
My Band was Featured on The Voice - Watch!
Eagle Rock Isolation Band
The Ultimate Divorce Survival Guide
Should I Stay or Should I Go Facebook Group
This week Christina McGhee, a divorce parenting expert whose practical advice has been highlighted both online and in print, is on the show. She is also the author of Parenting Apart, a book for divorced or separated parents. Christina is helping me kick off Parenting Month and I couldn’t think of anybody better to do so! She is an advocate for keeping the focus on kids even during the most emotional and tumultuous time of your life — divorce.
Co-parenting through a divorce is, for most of us, uncharted territory. We don't know what to expect. We’re dealing with so many strong emotions that it's not an easy road to navigate — even under the best of circumstances. In this episode, Christina provides some insightful advice and guidance for divorced or separated parents who wish to keep the focus on family, even after the marriage ends.
Show Highlights
- How to maneuver parenting after divorce, and putting yourself first. (7:00)
- How you can move forward in the best possible way and have happy, secure, resilient kids. (21:00)
- Watch your messaging: you are sending a really powerful message to your kids about what they should expect out of a relationship. (22:00)
- How to bring the best version of who you are to your job as parents. (26:07)
- What to do if your ex is resisting a co-parenting relationship or plan. (32:00)
- Developing a guiding principle for when things get tough. (48:00)
- What to do when your child tries to play both sides of the co-parenting fence. (49:00)
**Learn More About Christina McGhee:**Christina McGhee is a “media savvy” divorce-parenting expert whose practical advice has been highlighted both online and in print. Over the years, she has been featured on television, radio, podcasts, tele-summits and webinars. Some of the places you may have seen her are, Today Parents, Parenting Magazine, The Times, Channel 4, the BBC, NYU Doctor Radio and The Dr. Laura Berman Radio Show on the Oprah Network just to name a few.
Christina is an informative and engaging guest who brings insight and strategies to help separating families deal with “real-life” challenges. As a zealous advocate for children she does an excellent job of keeping the focus where it belongs…on kids.
Christina speaks on a wide range of topics from what to do in the beginning stages of separation to dealing with issues years down the road. She is also skilled at addressing tough issues like discipline differences, dealing with a difficult ex, high-conflict personalities, badmouthing, and neutralizing divorce drama.
Resources & Links:
Christina’s website
Christina on Facebook
Parenting Apart by Christina McGhee
The Ultimate Divorce Survival Guide
Should I Stay or Should I Go Facebook Group
This week I’m bringing you a solo episode, and I’m talking all about negative intimacy and forgiveness. First, let’s talk about negative intimacy. In a nutshell, negative intimacy is the continuation of unhealthy dynamics of your marriage long into your divorce — something I engaged in for about five years post-divorce!
In this episode, I offer some questions to ask if you think you’re in a negatively intimate relationship with your ex or soon-to-be-ex, such as: “What is the connection you are trying to keep alive?”
Understanding why you’re seeking this connection and then moving on from it is all part of the letting go process. Letting go happens over time, and often in waves. And it is a process. Extricating yourself from past relationship patterns is where the real divorce happens.
I also sound off on the difference between forgiveness and resentment. And, know this, you don’t have to forgive someone. However, you should work through and process your resentments. Listen in, reach out if you need guidance, and stay well!
Show Highlights
- How to hold your boundaries and you shift the relationship dynamic.
- Why negative intimacy typically revolves around your children.
- You don’t HAVE to forgive someone.
- Why you should process through your resentments.
- A Mother’s Day message reminder - ask for what you need.
Resources & Links:
Me in the New York Times! Podcasts Inspired by Love and Relationships
The Ultimate Divorce Survival Guide
Should I Stay or Should I Go Facebook Group
This week Erin Levine, entrepreneur, legal innovator, and Certified Family Law Specialist, joins me on the podcast. She’s here to help close out Legal Month. (Don’t worry, I'll surely be revisiting legal topics in the future!) Erin is the founder of Hello Divorce, a modern breakup service, offering affordable, convenient, and online divorce options. I'm thrilled to have Erin on the show.
Most of the world is in some form of lockdown right now. It feels like life is at a standstill for many. As I discussed a few weeks ago, you may be stuck and isolated with the person you have either asked for a divorce or were in the midst of divorce proceedings already.
So, now what? Do all the legal proceedings and preparation stop? Well, no.
In fact, in this episode, Erin shares several divorce planning strategies you can do while in the middle of a global pandemic. You can keep moving forward, even during times of uncertainty. In fact, the actions you take today can help you to feel empowered. Times feel scary and anxious right now, but you can still gain power, grow, and stretch yourself in meaningful, new ways.
Show Highlights
- Be aware of divorce legal companies' scams or misrepresentations. (7:11)
- How to know whether you should pause divorce proceedings or continue to move forward during a pandemic. (9:14)
- Now is an excellent time to reflect: Sometimes we need to sit back, take a deep breath, look at the facts and decide: was the settlement proposal previously made in my best interest? (11:00)
- If you don’t have anything hammered out, it’s important to put a temporary order in place, even just to get you through this period. (12:47)
- Get organized: see what it is you have, what you don't have, and what you need to get in order. (14:00)
- Get educated: what do you need to do in your state, and what does the entire divorce procedure look like where you’re located? (16:00)
- Meet with a legal coach or a certified divorce financial analyst. (22:00)
- How to know when you should slow the process down and take a break. (30:11)
Learn More About Erin Levine:Erin Levine is an entrepreneur, legal innovator, and Certified Family Law Specialist. She is the founder and CEO of Levine Family Law Group and Hello Divorce, a “modern breakup service” offering an affordable, convenient, and online divorce option. Erin is also the co-founder of Love & Real Life, a platform designed to empower women by helping them to craft postnuptial and prenuptial agreements that comport with their values and way of life. Her awarding winning legal technology and access to justice work has been recognized by the legal industry and beyond – with recent features in Above the Law, Forbes, Entrepreneur, Ozy, Brit + Co, and Mind Body Green.
Resources & Links:
Erin’s website
Erin on Instagram
Erin on Twitter
Erin on Pinterest
Erin on Facebook
Erin on LinkedIn
The Ultimate Divorce Survival Guide
Should I Stay or Should I Go Facebook Group
Last week we talked about mediation with Susan Guthrie. This week, as we continue Legal Month on the pod, we’re exploring the concept of Collaborative Divorce with Andrea Vacca. Andrea Vacca is the owner of Vacca Family Law Group, a law firm in Manhattan that focuses exclusively on non-adversarial divorce and family law matters.
Andrea describes Collaborative Divorce as a team approach to divorce. And it is a legal process. The process includes creating a roadmap for your divorce and specifically details the jobs for each member of the team, including:
- How you will be working together
- The need for transparency and honesty
- How the process will come to an end
When you’re getting divorced, you’re looking to the adults in the room to help you through it. Many times, the adults are litigators who are committed to an adversarial process. When that’s the case, they may not be looking for what’s best for you or your family.
And here’s the thing: just because your marriage is ending, your family can remain intact. It may look different, but it doesn’t have to be fraught with anxiety, or animosity.
Collaborative Divorce offers a way to bring respect to the divorce process and work with professionals who model the behavior you wish to express. In the end, everyone’s going to be better off; you, your spouse, and most importantly, your children.
Show Highlights
- Collaborative Divorce - what the hell is it? (7:37)
- The difference between mediation and Collaborative Divorce (10:25)
- How Andrea came to work in Collaborative Divorce (11:00)
- Collaborative colleagues offer a different mindset to divorce (21:00)
- How to know whether you should meditate or do Collaborative Divorce (15:26)
- Andrea shares the story of her parents’ divorce and how it affected her family (30:04)
- How to start a conversation about Collaborative Divorce with your spouse (40:00)
- What is positive psychology and how it plays into Andrea’s work as a Collaborative professional (43:16)
- Collaborative Divorce can help high-conflict couples through the divorce process (48:00)
Learn More About Andrea Vacca:Andrea Vacca is the owner of Vacca Family Law Group, a law firm in Manhattan that focuses exclusively on non-adversarial divorce and family law matters.
After practicing traditional, litigation-focused family law for many years, Andrea’s firm now works only with clients who want to keep their divorces out of court and want their prenuptial and postnuptial agreements negotiated in a non-adversarial manner.
Andrea regularly lectures, writes and blogs on the topics of collaborative law, mediation, and topics related to non-adversarial family law.
In addition to having a B.A. and J.D, Andrea also has a Certificate in Positive Psychology and regularly applies what she has learned to help her clients navigate their divorces, including having a growth mindset, being resilient and encouraging mindfulness.
Andrea is the author of the recently published ebook Divorce Without Court: A More Peaceful Solution and is a co-author of the book, Onward & Upward: A Guide For Getting Through New York Divorce & Family Law Issues.
Resources & Links:
Andrea’s websiteAndrea on LinkedInAndrea on Facebook
Andrea on Instagram
Andrea on YouTube
Andrea’s Blog
Sign up for Andrea’s ebook, “Divorce Without Court” and my monthly newsletter
The Ultimate Divorce Survival Guide
Should I Stay or Should I Go Facebook Group
April is legal month on The Divorce Survival Guide podcast. Today, one of my favorite people on the planet returns to the show. Susan Guthrie joins me to talk about mediation and divorce. Susan is a nationally recognized Top Family Law and Mediation Attorney, and has been helping individuals and families navigate separation and divorce for 30 years.
When it comes to your impending divorce, if you have children, you and your spouse are going to be tethered to each other for the rest of your lives. Litigation is often the default choice for divorce, and with it comes animosity, anger, and bitterness.
What do you want your future to look and feel like? You can be bitter and angry, but who gets stuck in the middle? Your children.
Mediation allows for you and your soon-to-be-ex to choose to work together to restructure your family or relationship going forward. You have an opportunity to share information, identify the issues you need to discuss, and get help from your mediator. Mediation offers you the opportunity to advocate for you and your family, and sets the foundation for a lifetime of collaboration.
Show Highlights
- Susan explains exactly what mediation is and why it works well for many families (9:24)
- We discuss some myths and benefits of mediation (13:00)
- In mediation, the only people making decisions are you and your spouse (17:00)
- What to do when your spouse doesn’t want to consider mediation, including knowing what motivates your spouse and why mediation suits their motivating factors (28:00)
- Susan’s online mediation process and how it works (36:00)
- Mediation can be used for high-conflict divorce cases too, such as domestic violence cases (42:00)
Learn More About Susan Guthrie:Susan Guthrie, nationally recognized as one of the Top Family Law and Mediation Attorneys in the country, has been helping individuals and families navigate separation and divorce for 30 years. Susan has a fully online practice and provides online divorce mediation and legal coaching services to select clients around the world. As a leading dispute resolution professional, Susan is honored to serve on the Executive Council of the American Bar Association’s (ABA) Section of Dispute Resolution as the Membership Officer and to be a Co-Chair of the Section’s Mediation Committee. Susan is also one of the leading experts in online mediation in the country and trains other professionals in the practical and ethical considerations of conducting their mediations online through her business Learn to Mediate Online (www.learntomediateonline.com) Susan is the creator and host of the iTunes top podcast, The Divorce & Beyond Podcast (www.divorceandbeyondpod.com) and recently launched The Learn to Mediate Online Podcast (www.learntomediateonline.podbean.com) for online mediation and dispute resolution professionals.
Resources & Links:
Divorce in a Better Way
The Divorce and Beyond Podcast
The Learn to Mediate Online Podcast
Susan on The Divorce Survival Guide Podcast
Susan on Instagram
Susan on Facebook
Susan on Twitter
Susan on YouTube
The Ultimate Divorce Survival Guide
Should I Stay or Should I Go Facebook Group
Trauma may not be what you think. We all have it and we all suffer from it to varying degrees — especially those who are in abusive relationships. There’s so much trauma that comes along with abuse and also so much trauma that led us there in the first place.
In this week’s episode, we’re talking about complex trauma with Gwynn Raimondi. Gwynn defines complex trauma as anything that happened when we were young. Gwynn is a therapist specializing in complex trauma, grief, embodiment & intersections. We discuss the various ways trauma can show up and how it impacts relationships. Plus, Gwynn has an amazing approach to self-regulating your nervous system and how doing so can help you to reclaim your life.
Show Highlights
- Gwynn defines trauma and offers several different examples of trauma (6:39)
- Complex trauma: anything that happens when we were young (8:00)
- We discuss the trauma response and what is happening in our brains (10:00)
- How trauma impacts your relationships, plus Gwynn describes the four attachment styles (22:35)
- Body-centered mindfulness work and nervous-system regulation helps create a window of tolerance (15:11)
- Addiction is a coping mechanism (31:23)
- Collective relational trauma and how it impacts the way we relate to other people and impacts our relationships (43:22)
- How trauma affects our physical bodies (56:00)
Learn More About Gwynn Raimondi:Gwynn is a therapist specializing in complex trauma, grief, embodiment & intersections. She is systems focused and explores how the greater world impacts and influences individuals, how the trauma we have experienced influences our relationships with others, ourselves, and the world, and how living in our current patriarchal, authoritarian, white supremacist culture exacerbates the lived experience and ancestral trauma that lives within us.
Resources & Links:Gwynn’s websiteGwynn on InstagramGwynn on FacebookGwynn on MediumGwynn’s Facebook Group Trauma Informed Embodiment
The Ultimate Divorce Survival GuideShould I Stay or Should I Go Facebook Group
This week I’m sharing my recommendations for co-parenting during the COVID-19 pandemic. If you’re a member of my Facebook group or follow me on Instagram, you may have heard me talking about how there are no shelter-in-place or quarantine guidelines for divorced families, especially those with blended families. We are told to stay home or to shelter-in-place, but what is a quarantine when you have children spread out across multiple households?
The government can’t necessarily mandate how blended families react to quarantine, but they can make guidelines. Unfortunately, I haven’t heard one politician or infectious disease expert say a single thing about our demographic.
As it stands right now, co-parenting guidelines are simply, “Comply with your court orders.” And, in many cases, that can be dangerous for everyone’s health.
In this episode, I’ve put together some ways that co-parents can deal with the current situation.
Here are just a few of the topics I touch on in this episode:
- Why communication with your co-parent is crucial now, more than ever
- What to do when you have an ex who is not taking the pandemic seriously
- The importance of talking to your children in age-appropriate ways about COVID-19
- How to cope with being stuck cohabitating with your soon-to-be-ex and how to continue with divorce proceedings
- If you are in an abusive relationship in quarantine, you are in danger.
Resources and Links:
Susan Guthrie, Divorce in a Better Way
Hello Divorce (for the State of California only)It’s Over Easy
National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1- 800-799-7233
1:1 Coaching with Kate
The Ultimate Divorce Survival Guide
Should I Stay or Should I Go Facebook Group
It’s therapy month on the Divorce Survival Guide podcast! ICYMI: I’ve decided to organize podcast episodes into monthly themes, and right now, we’re in the middle of Therapy Month!
Joining me to discuss all things Imago Therapy for couples is Dr. Sarah Schewitz. Dr. Sarah Schewitz is a licensed psychologist specializing in love and relationships and is the founder of the successful online psychology practice, Couples Learn.
Imago therapy is a specific style of relationship therapy designed to help conflict within relationships become opportunities for healing and growth. My ex-husband and I were in Imago therapy before our divorce, and well, it didn’t save our marriage. But what it did do was provide us with a way to communicate compassionately and lovingly during our divorce.
Imago therapy opens compassion wells, and it allows for a deeper level of communication.
Sarah is an expert on the subject. In addition to discussing Imago, we also chat about why therapy (individual or couples) is so vital for your healing. Sarah puts it perfectly when she says, “Most of us are just unconsciously reacting to circumstances that are triggering our past childhood wounds without realizing it. If you can gain that awareness, you can then choose, ‘Do I want to react this way or not?’ And that’s healing.”
Show Highlights
- How remote couples therapy works (4:28)
- Misconceptions around childhood trauma and how they impact current relationships (6:59)
- The definition of trauma and conflict trauma (9:11)
- How Sarah addresses the panic-stricken husband who didn’t realize things were ‘that bad’ (14:15)
- Imago therapy and Imago dialogue: what it is and how couples can use it for a more profound level communication (16:58)
- More on the Imago dialogue and why the respect for your partner’s availability is so important (22:00)
- Sarah shares how she approaches therapy with someone who has been in an abusive relationship after abusive relationship (25:12)
- How to elicit a conversation about childhood wounds using Imago Dialogue, with a real-world example (51:26)
“Whether the relationship stays together or not, investing in yourself is never a loss.” Dr. Sarah Schewitz
Learn More About Dr. Sarah Schewitz:
Dr. Sarah Schewitz (pronounced Shevitz like Manischewitz wine) is a licensed psychologist specializing in love & relationships and is the founder of the successful online psychology practice, Couples Learn. She has been working with couples and individuals to improve their love lives for over 10 years now. In 2019, Sarah was named one of Datezie’s most influential dating experts and one of the top 3 marriage counselors in Los Angeles. Sarah has been featured in articles for outlets such as Readers Digest, Playboy, Bravo TV, AskMen, Self, and more. Dr. Sarah’s private practice is relatively unique in that she is one of the only doctoral-level couples therapists whose practice is 100% online.
Resources & Links:
Dr. Sarah’s website
Dr. Sarah on Instagram
Dr. Sarah on Facebook
Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples, Harville Hendrix Ph.D
Getting the Love You Want Workshops
The Ultimate Divorce Survival Guide
Should I Stay or Should I Go Facebook Group
This week I’m talking about how to deal with the other woman in your ex or soon-to-be ex's life. The woman he cheated on you with, or the one he met after you...you know, the one he’s introducing to your kids…?
You have a lot of feelings about this, most of which are perfectly valid, but are you acting on those feelings in the right way? What are the boundaries here? What’s a reasonable request for you to make about all of this?
And how exactly are you supposed to feel about this woman??
In today's episode, I’m going to share why compassion is so important — compassion for yourself, for your children, and yes, even for her.
If you're a mom, it's part of your job to expand your capacity to be with uncomfortable, painful, and conflicting feelings, especially ones you never fucking wanted to have ever at all. Learn how to process them in appropriate ways so you can show up in this new paradigm in the best and healthiest way possible for your kids.
Here are just a few of the topics I touch on in this episode:
- Why name-calling, blaming, and shaming aren't the way to go
- How to practice compassion towards the other woman
- Dealing with and appreciating the other woman in your child's life
1:1 Coaching with Kate
The Ultimate Divorce Survival Guide
Should I Stay or Should I Go Facebook Group
Not all therapists are good. Not all therapists have the advanced training necessary to help you as an individual or as a couple. Not all therapists have your best interests in mind.
If you are contemplating divorce, want to work on past trauma, or work on your relationship, you need a good therapist to guide you. So, how do you find a good therapist? That’s the topic of this week’s episode.
If you’re a member of my Facebook group, then Katie’s name is probably familiar to you. She’s a member of the group, is an incredible asset and I am so grateful to have her voice there, as well as in this podcast episode.
“Going into therapy with the wrong person is not going to help you,” says Katie. My loves, this is so true. But choosing the right one most certainly will.
Show Highlights
- The many layers of how to go about picking a therapist (6:08)
- Tips for researching your therapist options including how to research finding a good couples therapist (16:29)
- EFT: Emotionally Focused Therapy takes the understanding of attachment theory and applies it to how we come together and fall apart in our relationships (18:02)
- Everybody has dysfunction and we all can choose to (or not to) deal with it. The more we put work into healing our attachment injuries the more value we are going to get from our relationships (21:30)
- Schema therapy - what it is and how it helps change your relational behavioral patterns (19:46)
- In looking for a couple’s therapist, you should be looking for someone who has experience in several advanced therapies (27:00)
- Who should NOT be in couple’s therapy: active abuse or addiction by someone who is not willing to address and work through it (27:55)
- When therapists act in dual roles (individually and as a couple’s therapist) (28:09)
- Trust your gut! If you don’t feel like a therapist is the right fit for you, they’re probably not. (33:36)
- Trauma bonds: the theory of trauma bonding and how they can lead you to repeat old abusive habits (38:15)
Learn More About Katie:
Katie Thompson LPC, CEDS is a psychotherapist in private practice in St. Louis, Missouri. Katie specializes in treating eating disorders, anxiety disorders, PTSD and complex trauma and has a special interest in treating binge eating disorder.
She is skilled in implementing DBT, CBT, IFS, ERP, EMDR, EFT and group therapy. Katie is trained in EMDR, Exposure, and Response Prevention (ERP) and has earned her certification in Internal Family Systems, Level 2. In private practice, Katie balances individual, family, couples and group therapy with supervising provisionally licensed therapists. Katie is also a current member and the past Board President of the Missouri Eating Disorders Association (MOEDA) Board of Directors and is a past member of the Binge Eating Disorder Association (BEDA) board of directors. Katie can be seen in local media appearances and lecturing regionally and nationally in her areas of specialty.
Katie is married and has a daughter, a bonus daughter, and a bonus son. She has been a part of her blended family since 2011 and is familiar with the complexities that come with living in a blended family as a spouse, bio parent and step-parent. Katie specializes in clinical intervention within blended family systems in her specific areas of expertise.
Resources & Links:Katie’s websiteKatie on Facebook
The Gottman Institute
The Seven Principles Making Marriage Work
Trauma Bond Experts:
Patrick Carnes
Dr. Christine CourtoisPeter Levine Understanding Attachment Styles Trauma Bonds
The Ultimate Divorce Survival GuideShould I Stay or Should I Go Facebook Group
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This week I wanted to expand on a topic I discussed in my Facebook group and on an Instagram IGTV video. It’s around the topic of forgiveness entitlement. In this episode, I also talk about addiction or abuse, and why you can’t force someone to get help.
So, your spouse says they’re doing the work and they seem to be doing all the right things. But you still can’t trust them and they don't understand why. You wonder, “What’s wrong with me?” There is NOTHING wrong with you. You’ve been betrayed and hurt, and you’re not healed yet.
If your spouse is telling you that you need to get over it already, here’s what I want to say to you: the only person who gets to say when they’re ready to move forward is the person who has been the victim of the offending act — in this case, you.
When someone says they’re doing all the work, remember that actions speak louder than words. And if they are truly doing the work, they’re opening the door so that you can be okay, so you can heal and eventually, you can forgive. But, know this:
Nobody is entitled to your forgiveness.
Tune in to hear why this is so important for your healing, your journey, and your relationships (now or in the future).
Here are just a few of the topics I touch on in this episode:
- The only time you should forgive someone.
- Emotional abusers or active addicts know exactly what they are doing. YOU are the person who needs to understand the truth of what’s going on.
- The importance of not controlling the situation and allowing him or her to find their process to recovery.
This week we are talking all about sexuality and intimacy after divorce. My guest is Leslie Morgan Steiner, a New York Times best-selling author, columnist for The Washington Post, speaker on work/family balance, successful corporate executive – and domestic violence survivor.
Two truths can co-exist. You can be relieved your soon-to-be ex is moving out and grief-stricken at the same time. You can be happy and sad, at the same. This is part of the complexity of human emotions. There’s nothing wrong with you for experiencing a wide range of them. There is nothing wrong with you. Nobody knows this better than Leslie.
Leslie’s memoir, Crazy Love, is an account of her violently abusive first marriage. It's about this kind of complexity, how we can deeply love and deeply fear one person at the same time. Her latest memoir, The Naked Truth, explores these dualities as well as she writes about female sexuality, self-esteem, and dating after 50.
Show Highlights
- The power of sisterhood and how women are always an inspiration to other women (3:18)
- Coming out of a marriage desexualized and losing touch with your sexuality (6:00)
- Perfection has nothing to do with sexuality (12:00)
- Getting to a point where you can enjoy and love sex (15:00)
- The stigma and shame around having sex after divorce if the divorce has not been finalized (22:38)
- Women who are vulnerable to abusers, how to break the cycle; and Leslie shares her story of domestic abuse (28:14)
- Why learning how to trust yourself again rather than trusting others is paramount following an abusive relationship (33:23)
- Leslie drops this truth bomb: “I can’t look for a man to heal me.” (38:00)
- Men struggle with intimacy just as much as women do (39:00)
- Leslie shares her thoughts on coaxing a man to fall in love with you (42:00)
- The myth of Prince Charming is destructive to women and unfair to men too (49:09)
Learn More About Leslie:
Leslie Morgan Steiner is the author of four nonfiction books: the New York Times bestselling memoir Crazy Love; the critically acclaimed anthology Mommy Wars: Stay-at-Home and Career Moms Face Off on Their Choices, Their Lives, Their Families; The Baby Chase: How Surrogacy is Transforming the American Family; and her latest memoir, The Naked Truth, which explores female sexuality, self-esteem and dating after 50.
From 2006-2008 she wrote over 500 columns for the Washington Post’s popular on-line work/family column, “On Balance.” She currently writes the Two Cents on Modern Motherhood column for ModernMom.com and MommyTracked.com. Her writing has appeared in Glamour, Psychology Today, Redbook, The Washington Post, the New York Times and other publications.
Steiner holds a BA in English from Harvard College. Her first job was writing and editing for Seventeen Magazine. After graduating from Wharton in 1992 with an MBA in Marketing, she launched Splenda Brand Sweetener internationally for Johnson & Johnson. She returned to her hometown of Washington, DC in 2001 to become General Manager of the 1.1 million-circulation Washington Post Magazine, a position she held for five years.
Steiner is a regular guest on The Today Show, National Public Radio, ABC, NBC, CBS, and cable news networks. She has appeared in Newsweek, BusinessWeek, Elle, Parents, Self, Vogue, Vanity Fair, The Los Angeles Times, and CNN.com. She is a frequent speaker and consultant on the subjects of marketing to moms and ending family violence. Her 2012 TEDTalk about domestic violence has been viewed by over five million people, and in 2014 she completed her second TEDTalk exploring the ethics of global surrogacy.
She serves as a board member for the One Love Foundation, in honor of slain University of Virginia senior Yeardley Love.
Leslie Morgan Steiner lives in Washington, DC, New York, and New Hampshire.
Resources & Links:Leslie’s website
Leslie on FacebookLeslie on InstagramLeslie on YouTubeLeslie on LinkedInLeslie on Twitter
Trauma Bonds: How to recognize them, break them, and co-parent through themThe Ultimate Divorce Survival GuideShould I Stay or Should I Go Facebook Group
I asked a friend who is going through a divorce what I should talk about on this week’s episode. He said I should talk about cravings.
And he offered what he meant by saying this, “Given the shit happening in the world, we turn to safety, fantasy, and imagination to numb our true selves and we give up the authentic fight.” How beautiful is that?
There is so much happening in the world right now.
And my friend is right, we numb out as a way to escape. We numb with food, drinking, or shopping. When it comes to relationships, we numb out by fantasizing about other people; hoping they are the cure for a troubled marriage. Turning to other people, places, or things will not lead you to true fulfilment. Doing so simply covers up the pain, momentarily.
Succumbing to cravings is giving up the authentic fight.
What happens if you just sit still with all of the shit that is happening in your life; what if you gazed into all of your own holes and examined them for what they are? What if?
What might be possible for your relationship, for your marriage, or most importantly, for you? That’s what I am talking about this week on the podcast. I hope you tune in.
Here are just a few of the topics I touch on in this episode:
- Why a marriage is not responsible for fulfilling you 100%
- Discernment work is so complex, but necessary
- The importance of recognizing your own ‘made-up’ stories and changing the narrative
The Ultimate Divorce Survival GuideShould I Stay or Should I Go Facebook Group
Wouldn’t you just love the superpower of letting go? If so, you’re in luck! Jill Sherer Murray is a TEDx speaker and influencer, author, blogger, coach, and founder of Let Go For It®, a lifestyle brand dedicated to helping individuals let go for a better life. Jill is my guest on the podcast this week and she’s going to share all about harnessing the power of letting go.
Yes, letting go can feel risky and downright scary.
And, letting go is a challenge.
Especially when you’re contemplating divorce or going through divorce.
Jill said something pretty powerful during our time together, “If you figure out how to let go, you can find your way out of or to anything.” So today she’s going to share some ways that you can begin to move forward in your life.
Afterall, this is your one wild and precious life. If you’re waiting for someone to give you permission to live it, you’re not gonna get it. You have to take permission to live it yourself. This includes permission to let go, permission to immerse yourself in self-love, and permission to live your life as you see fit.
Show Highlights
- How ending a 12-year relationship was eye-opening and transformational for Jill (6:15)
- What letting go truly is and the importance of acknowledging what you need to let go of before you can take action (14:36)
- We talk about a simple yet powerful exercise which walks you through the process of letting go (26:41)
- Why letting go is real freedom and how the act of self-love empowers us to act boldly (29:37)
- Where women struggle most when it comes self-love and letting go (36:33)
- When we don’t do the work, we are agreeing to let other people to decide what we have and what we don’t have (44:51)
- Let go of being so hard on yourself, let go of other people’s expectations, and let go of being afraid of what you truly want (50:03)
Learn More About Jill:
Jill Sherer Murray is a TEDx speaker and influencer, author, blogger, coach, and founder of Let Go For It®, a lifestyle brand dedicated to helping individuals let go for a better life. She is also an award-winning journalist and communications leader who can trace practically every success she’s had in her career, love life, and more to letting go.
Her TEDx talk, “The Unstoppable Power of Letting Go” has been viewed by almost two million people – and grows by the thousands each day. Her book, which comes out in May and is available for pre-order on Amazon and Indiebound, is called Big Wild Love: The Unstoppable Power of Letting Go. She wrote it in response to the countless numbers of viewers who’ve reached out to her for help and inspiration after seeing her TEDx talk.
Jill spent a year studying improvisation comedy at the famous Second City Training Center in Chicago. And another five years writing a popular blog called “Diary of a Writer in Mid-Life Crisis” for www.wildriverreview.com. She also let go of just about everything to put her weight in Shape Magazine—12 times—as part of a year-long assignment to document her weight loss journey for millions of readers.
Resources & Links:Jill’s websiteJill on FacebookJill on InstagramJill on LinkedIn The Unstoppable Power of Letting Go TEDx
A Special Gift from Jill: If you’re struggling like I was in a relationship, not sure whether to hold on or let go, take comfort in knowing that the truth inside you knows the answer. And I have something to help you crack that truth. It’s a simple exercise you can do in just 11 minutes. Get it here: https://bit.ly/31Z9G1UThe Ultimate Divorce Survival GuideShould I Stay or Should I Go Facebook Group
Recently in my Facebook Group for women deciding if they should stay or go in their marriage, I asked the members to share their most burning questions about divorce. And I received an overwhelming response. The topics ranged from, “How can I leave my marriage if I have no emotional support and can’t support myself financially?” to “What do I do if I don’t have the courage to leave him?”
And, every single topic or question had an underlying theme, all relating to doing work on yourself first.
When you are making a decision to leave your marriage, you're making a decision of great love for yourself and for your children. That power needs to carry you through to the other side.
When you do the self-work, you can come from a place of neutrality, process your emotions, and grieve what needs grieving.
You can work hard to bring yourself to a place of calm, peace, and lack of blame or resentment so you can make difficult choices. Without focusing on self-work first, the choices you have to make will be much harder (and trust me, they are hard enough as it is).
In this episode I go over some of the topics the women in my Facebook group mentioned (btw, join us!). Plus, I share how you can become deeply rooted in your own sense of power.
Here are just a few of the topics I touch on in this episode:
- Getting rooted into your deepest power and grounded in your confidence
- How to start fresh on your own when you’ve never been on your own before
- Knowing you are worthy and you are enough
ROOTED LIVE is coming! If you think you might want out of your marriage, but you can’t seem to find the courage to make a decision once and for all, and you’re scared you won’t have the strength to get through all that comes after you say those four words,"I want a divorce,” then ROOTED is 100% for you.
ROOTED is my online coaching program which I will be taking LIVE in February. It’s designed to help you FIND YOUR STRENGTH, BUILD YOUR CONFIDENCE, AND STEP INTO YOUR POWER. Learn more here.
This week I welcome Jennifer Butler to the Divorce Survival Guide podcast. Jennifer Butler, MSW, is a certified Calling in “The One” coach, certified health coach, writer, and podcast host dedicated to helping people fall deeply in love with themselves and awaken to their own internal power to create joy, love, and freedom in their lives.
In fact, Jennifer recently interviewed me for the podcast she hosts for Worthy, Divorce and Other Things You Can Handle.
Let’s talk about showing up and being a victim for a moment. When it comes to divorce, it doesn’t matter how much of a ‘victim’ of your circumstances you are, you still have a personal responsibility to show up in the world with grace and dignity. The work that Jennifer and I talk about in this episode will help you to stand in and reflect on your own truth.
When you show up in your life in a different way and when you allow yourself to dream about what is possible; you will begin to learn how to believe in your ability to create it.
Show Highlights
This week I welcome Jennifer Butler to the Divorce Survival Guide podcast. Jennifer Butler, MSW, is a certified Calling in “The One” coach, certified health coach, writer, and podcast host dedicated to helping people fall deeply in love with themselves and awaken to their own internal power to create joy, love, and freedom in their lives.
In fact, Jennifer recently interviewed me for the podcast she hosts for Worthy, Divorce and Other Things You Can Handle.
Let’s talk about showing up and being a victim for a moment. When it comes to divorce, it doesn’t matter how much of a ‘victim’ of your circumstances you are, you still have a personal responsibility to show up in the world with grace and dignity. The work that Jennifer and I talk about in this episode will help you to stand in and reflect on your own truth.
When you show up in your life in a different way and when you allow yourself to dream about what is possible; you will begin to learn how to believe in your ability to create it.
Show Highlights
- What Calling In “The One” is all about (4:16)
- One big shift that’s really important is to move from needing a connection from a wounded place to wanting to share a connection from a place of abundance within yourself (8:11)
- The 7 week process to attract the love of your life; including letting go of any blocks standing in your way of harnessing your internal power (9:00)
- The stories we show up with in our lives that are holding us back (11:06)
- Some common misconceptions around doing the work; plus learning to fall in love with the process of discovering (20:04)
- The labels and toxic ties we make that carry weight and keep us from moving forward, like labeling someone as the love of your life; plus how to navigate away from a label (26:00)
- Build on and nurture our deeper truths by learning new ways of showing up; like learning to be vulnerable and asking for help (30:00)
- Healing the disappointed dream, setting bold intentions, and creating a vision for your future (34:00)
Learn More About Jennifer:Jennifer Butler, MSW is a certified Calling in “The One” coach, certified health coach, writer, and podcast host dedicated to helping people fall deeply in love with themselves and awaken to their own internal power to create joy, love, and freedom in their lives. Beyond an extensive education, Jennifer has also gone through a very powerful transformation, overcoming obstacles and challenges in her own life that greatly inform and influence her work. As a love and relationship coach, Jennifer teaches clients to identify and transform internal obstacles and expand their capacity to love and be loved so they can create the happy and healthy relationships they deeply desire. As a writer, Jennifer provides an honest and authentic account of her own life experiences with the intention of inspiring others. Her work can be found on JennJoyCoaching, Worthy, ESME, LiveThroughTheHeart, DivorceForce, and Instagram. Jennifer can also be found hosting the very popular Worthy Podcast, “Divorce and Other Things You Can Handle.”
Resources & Links:
Jenn’s website
Jenn on Instagram
Jenn on Facebook
Jenn on LinkedIn The Worthy Podcast Calling in “The One”
ROOTED LIVE is coming! If you think you might want out of your marriage, but you can’t seem to find the courage to make a decision once and for all, and you’re scared you won’t have the strength to get through all that comes after you say those four words,"I want a divorce,” then ROOTED is 100% for you.
ROOTED is my online coaching program which I will be taking a small group through LIVE in February. It’s designed to help you FIND YOUR STRENGTH, BUILD YOUR CONFIDENCE, AND STEP INTO YOUR POWER. Learn more here. The Ultimate Divorce Survival Guide
TODAY’S EPISODE IS SPONSORED BY LOLA. Feminine care products you can trust, delivered to your door. Made by women, for women. Use code “dsg” at checkout for 30% off your first order!
A few weeks ago, I posted in my Facebook group that I was going to write a flip book called, Not Your Fucking Job. And it was going to be a very simple book about all the things that are not your fucking job to do for your spouse or partner. You know, things like:
Helping him heal his childhood wounds?NOT YOUR FUCKING JOB.
Teaching him how to be a good parent?NOT YOUR FUCKING JOB.
Proving your worth or proving your love to him?NOT YOUR FUCKING JOB.Or keeping him from cheating on you?NOT YOUR FUCKING JOB.
You get the idea.
Well, in this week’s episode I am going to go through about 8-10 scenarios of things that are not your fucking job and explain why you need to stop carrying allll of the weight in your relationship.
After you listen to this episode; if you realize you are doing these things, understand you are doing them out of some need to control. So what IS your job: to uncover why you’re doing these things and then work to fix it, for you — not for him or for anyone else, for you. Only in this way will you have a chance at healing your marriage, or having an amicable divorce.
Here are just a few of the topics I touch on in this episode:
- Why it’s not your job to heal your partner’s childhood wounds
- Allowing your partner to make mistakes and clean up his (or her) own messes
- A reminder that it is not your job to beg him to love you or treat you well
- Why it’s not your job to lose weight, gain weight, dye your hair or get a boob job in order to feel as though you are enough for someone. Only do these things if you WANT to, for you!
- What IS your job in your relationship
DO YOU LOVE THIS PODCAST EPISODE? DO YOU WANT THIS MESSAGE TATTOOED ON YOUR FOREHEAD, OR PLAYED IN YOUR SLEEP? YOU’RE NOT ALONE! That’s why I partnered with Chocolate and Steel to create a gorgeous “Not Your Fucking Job” bracelet for you to wear as a constant reminder!
Buy yours here!! Fed Up, Gemma HartleyCo-Dependent No More, Meldoy Beattie
DSG Episode: NOW...he wants to go to therapy?
They say that January is “Divorce Month.” As the new year rolls in, you may be ready to finally make some changes. And if you are, you’re far from alone. This is because of the number of women who hit the ropes following the holiday is enormous. In fact, that was me, on Christmas Eve, eleven years ago. If you believe your impending divorce is going to involve a high-conflict co-parenting situation, this week’s episode is going to shine a light on some important issues for you.
My guest, Megan Hunter, is an expert on high-conflict disputes, complicated relationships and Borderline Personality Disorder. She is co-founder of the High Conflict Institute along with author and speaker, Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq., who developed the high-conflict personality theory. She is also the author of The High-Conflict Co-Parenting Survival Guide.
In this episode we explore how to maneuver in a high-conflict divorce. We discuss understanding the high-conflict personality, their motivation, and how to protect yourself. Megan also shares insight and wisdom about how to survive co-parenting with a high-conflict personality. She also offers a great reminder: take care of yourself first, get therapy, work with a coach (hi, that’s me!), and focus on getting your head straight. Then, focus on the rest.
Show Highlights
- High-conflict divorce and disputes on the rise (4:45)
- Gender stereotypes and high-conflict behaviors (9:02)
- The four traits of a high-conflict personality (11:44)
- Understanding the motivations of a high-conflict personality (15:25)
- Conflating acceptance with continuing to be victimized; it’s NOT your job to fix your spouse! (21:52)
- How to survive a high-conflict co-parenting situation (25:45)
- Some other co-parenting relationship techniques, including using the BIFF technique (47:26)
- How getting unhooked from emotions can be helpful (and what that means) (52:02)
Learn More About Megan:
Megan Hunter, MBA, is an expert on high-conflict disputes, complicated relationships and Borderline Personality Disorder. She is co-founder of the High Conflict Institute along with author and speaker, Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq. who developed the high-conflict personality theory. Megan developed the concept of the Institute after 13 years in family law as the Family Law Specialist with the Arizona Supreme Court, and Child Support Manager of the Dawes County Attorney’s Office in Nebraska. She is CEO of Unhooked Media, a U.S.-based media company and is the author of THE HIGH-CONFLICT CO-PARENTING SURVIVAL GUIDE (2019), DATING RADAR™ (2017) and BAIT AND SWITCH.
Resources & Links:Megan’s websiteMegan on FacebookMegan on LinkedInMegan on TwitterMegan on YouTubeThe High Conflict Co-Parenting Survival Guide
ROOTED LIVE is coming! If you think you might want out of your marriage, but you can’t seem to find the courage to make a decision once and for all, and you’re scared you won’t have the strength to get through all that comes after you say those four words,"I want a divorce,” then ROOTED is 100% for you.
ROOTED is my online coaching program which I will be taking LIVE in February. It’s designed to help you FIND YOUR STRENGTH, BUILD YOUR CONFIDENCE, AND STEP INTO YOUR POWER. Learn more here.The Ultimate Divorce Survival GuideShould I Stay or Should I Go Facebook Group
