The CROATS Podcast: Recent Episodes
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A very public form of therapy for hosts David Breslin and Tim [Surname Redacted], the CROATS podcast dares to answer questions that nobody is asking such as : "Is The Archers about farmers or pirates?" , "Could all the Chinese men in the world destroy the Earth by jumping off a chair at the same time?" and "Is a wristwatch a valid item of clothing to remove when playing Strip Dictionary Word Of The Week?"
This weeks' confused ramblings include:
- A party atmosphere as we celebrate one year on the air;
- An epic ramble that takes in King George IV, goats, baked beans and the dangers of insulting judges on Facebook; and
- The mystery of Puzzle 4677 begins...
This weeks' episode was sponsored by The CROATS Podcast. Wait? What?!?
If you enjoy the show why not visit the website : www.thecroatspodcast.com
Subscribe to the show on iTunes or Stitcher
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This weeks' confused ramblings include:
- Tim shares his thoughts on ex-Pope Pope John Paul The Sequel's penchant for ladies' eyes;
- Tim discusses his strategy for conducting peer reviews; and
- A bizarrely edited Tim segment in which we discuss murderous and cheating members of our profession.
This weeks' episode was sponsored by Uncle Mike's Out Like A Light Night Lights.
If you enjoy the show why not visit the website : www.thecroatspodcast.com
Subscribe to the show on iTunes or Stitcher
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This weeks' confused ramblings include:
- Some pre-intro ramblings about security guard etiquette;
- Tim explains the connection between Stephen Fry and Jack The Ripper; and
- Tim shares a disturbing tale about videotaping his children being sexy and knowing it.
This weeks' episode was sponsored by Socks and/or Sandals.
If you enjoy the show why not visit the website : www.thecroatspodcast.com
Subscribe to the show on iTunes or Stitcher
Follow us on Facebook or Twitter
Happy Valentine's Day! This weeks' confused ramblings include:
- A surprise birthday party for Tim...surprising mainly because his birthday was weeks' ago;
- We struggle to establish David's age using basic maths; and
- Our final foray into the musical back catalogue of Jason Derulo
This weeks' episode was sponsored by The Lovemaker.
If you enjoy the show why not visit the website : www.thecroatspodcast.com
Subscribe to the show on iTunes or Stitcher
Follow us on Facebook or Twitter
This weeks' confused ramblings include:
- A revelation about Tim's local MP;
- A uniquely CROATS tribute to Terry Wogan; and
- A disturbing conversation about the magic of puberty
This weeks' episode was sponsored by The Zombie Cookbook.
If you enjoy the show why not visit the website : www.thecroatspodcast.com
Subscribe to the show on iTunes or Stitcher
Follow us on Facebook or Twitter
This weeks' confused ramblings include:
- Discover how we segue from talking about winning the lottery to Googling the cost of cocaine;
- David asks Tim if he finna get crunk; and
- David is replaced for most of the show by a tough-talking New Yorker.
This weeks' episode was sponsored by The Sandman
If you enjoy the show why not visit the website : www.thecroatspodcast.com
Subscribe to the show on iTunes or Stitcher
Follow us on Facebook or Twitter
Happy New Year!
This weeks' confused ramblings include:
- A reflection on the ghost of Croatsmas past;
- Tim and David discuss their New Years Resolutions; and
- We breathe a sigh of relief as Tim 'El Chapo' Guzman is locked up once more.
This weeks' episode was sponsored by Sunshine!
If you enjoy the show why not visit the website : www.thecroatspodcast.com
Subscribe to the show on iTunes or Stitcher
Follow us on Facebook or Twitter
This week Tim edited the show into tiny pieces and David didn't have the energy to fix it up on Christmas Day so sit back and try to enjoy a very different type of confused ramblings!
If you didn't enjoy the show why not visit the website - maybe that'll make up for it : www.thecroatspodcast.com
Subscribe to the show on iTunes or Stitcher
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This weeks' confused ramblings include :
- Tim shares his fool-proof test for identifying paedophiles
- There's a new twist on an old favourite game; and
- Tim shares a disturbing tale about one of his vegetables.
This weeks' episode of the CROATS podcast was definitely not sponsored by Star Wars The Force Awakens.
If you enjoy the show why not visit the website : www.thecroatspodcast.com
Subscribe to the show on iTunes or Stitcher
Follow us on Facebook or Twitter
This weeks confused ramblings include :
- Euphemisms! Tim shares his troubles in laying a patio
- Enunciations! Tim speaks clearly when relaying the tale of Clock Boy
- Entertainment! The celebs are out in Croydon as filming of a new movie gets underway.
This weeks' episode of the CROATS podcast was sponsored by Can Knockers.
If you enjoy the show why not visit the website : www.thecroatspodcast.com
Subscribe to the show on iTunes or Stitcher
Follow us on Facebook or Twitter
This weeks' confused ramblings include :
- Tim channels Donald Trump in coming up with a plan for dealing with ISIS;
- Some listener feedback over our references to faux-intellectualism backfires spectacularly; and
- Tim tries to guess what the top answer on Family Fortunes would be on the subject of 'Squeezable Body Parts On A Lady'.
This weeks' episode of the CROATS podcast was sponsored by ISIS Ices.
If you enjoy the show why not visit the website : www.thecroatspodcast.com
Subscribe to the show on iTunes or Stitcher
Follow us on Facebook or Twitter
This weeks confused ramblings include :
- David treads lightly as he queries whether Tim's mum shares any parallels with his murderous namesakes' mother this week;
- David introduces Tim to the Moneybox Effect and;
- Tim ends the show with a heart-warming tale about slavery.
This weeks confused ramblings include :
- We do our best impressions of men pretending to be women who are pretending to be a man;
- Another Tim's Correction Corner exposes Tim for the philosophical fraud he is; and
- David gets unnecessarily annoyed about people who get unnecessarily annoyed.
This episode of the CROATS podcast has never touched a lady's bazooms.
This weeks confused ramblings include :
- A tale of dating misfortunes from Tim;
- A whole load of faux-intellectualism as Tim discusses Nietzsche's idea of the Ubermensch and David talks transients; and
- A brand new game all about Jason Derulo - Spoiler alert! Tim does quite well!
The CROATS Podcast - You can never listen to the same episode twice...probably.
This week's confused ramblings include :
- An extended introductory segment in which David takes Tim to task for failing miserably to edit last weeks' podcast;
- David proves the existence of immortals through the medium of a Tim's Correction Corner; and
- A genuine piece of fan mail leads David to dust off his Kim Jong Il impression.
The CROATS Podcast - suffering from Humongous Shin syndrome since 1989.
It's The CROATS Podcast Halloween Spook-tacular! This week :
- David warns of the impending arrival of Lucifer on Earth;
- A story about pranksters playing porn in a US superstore leads to an overuse of the sexy Tim drops and;
- The Tim segment returns! The fruits of 90 seconds of intense effort - Tim's Philosophy Adventure.
This weeks episode comes with free Mind Candy - imagine eating it as you listen!
This weeks' confused ramblings include :
- David has a brand new game for Tim to play which involves numbers, the Amazon website and adult entertainment;
- We put in our bid for a politically incorrect Dr Seuss book and;
- Tim's Twitter Adventures - David discovers just what insanity Tim got up to whilst David was on holiday.
The CROATS podcast - Not coming to the side of a bus near you soon
This weeks' confused ramblings include :
- A disturbing turnabout as Tim's name for the week shows more points of similarity with David;
- Tim fails to convince with his Irish Farmer impressions and;
- David takes Tim to task over his scattergun approach to Twitter followers.
This weeks' confused ramblings include :
- Irritation! David is annoyed that Tim's seems disinterested in his recent holiday;
- Speculation! Just who came up with the idea of disposable underwear?!? and;
- Toleration! We catch up on our latest Twitter followers.
The CROATS Podcast - Recycle this podcast for 5p off your next download!
It's another minisode and this week David wastes everybody's time with a Buzzfeed story about growing up in Blackburn.
It's a proper minisode this week and this time David discovers how much fun there is to be had with a nuisance phone call...
This weeks' confused ramblings include :
- A shoddy attempt to live tweet Apple's iPhone event falls apart;
- Tim demonstrates a spectacular lack of understanding about how squatting works and;
- Another selection of Tolerators to inspire Tim's twitterings.
The CROATS Podcast - definitely not Harrow-educated.
This weeks' confused ramblings include :
- A change of pace as we make up for last weeks' low energy levels through the restorative powers of Haribo;
- We speculate on how to circumvent the justice system through the simple act of reincarnation and;
- Tim's Twitter Adventures - David expresses concerns over Tim's recent twitterings.
Caution! Listening to this podcast before you go to sleep may result in you waking up in the morning wondering whether it was all a dream.
This weeks' confused ramblings include :
- Tiredness - Can one bag of Haribo sustain our energy levels?*;
- T'Internet - We scour the internet for tales of stolen jokes, felonious penguins and Hamlet 2.0 and;
- Tolerators - More new Tolerators than ever - but are any of them listening to the podcast?
The CROATS Podcast! *Spoiler Alert - The answer is no.
This weeks' confused ramblings include :
- Off on walkabout! We go all Unsolved Mysteries as David relates a chilling tale to lead us to Tim's name for the week;
- Off the rails to the max! Our worst derailment to date as David gives Tim a good flanging and;
- Off the Pope! Three new entries for Tim's Correction Corner.
The CROATS Podcast - soon to be reincarnated as Tim's Radio Shoe
This weeks confused ramblings include :
- Tim's father Breaks Bad at the airport;
- A tale of an elderly woman fending off an attacker in an unusual way leads to an impromptu self-defense lesson for the ladies and;
- We review the newest film from Tominopictures.
The CROATS Podcast - where do you hide your sausage rolls?
This weeks' confused ramblings include:
- David shows off his spoils from a trip to WHSmiths;
- We discuss whether God's omnipotence makes him a Carpenter, a Nazi, or both and;
- We deconstruct some more of Tim's terrible Twitter ramblings.
The CROATS Podcast - thank you faux-listening!
This weeks' confused ramblings include:
- A tribute (of sorts) to Cecil The Lion;
- We speculate as to why Judas chose to betray Jesus with a kiss; and
- A bumper crop of Tolerators including our prize-winning 25th Twitter follower.
The CROATS Podcast - You won't catch up wearing prostitutes' bras!
This weeks' confused ramblings include :
- A fascinating discussion about David's watch;
- MovieTime with Tim and a new friend he made on the train, plus;
- A bumper crop of bloopers in Tim's Correction Corner.
The CROATS Podcast - Definately not available on Whatsapp!
This weeks confused ramblings include :
- A disturbing insight into the shared romantic fantasies of Tim and Paul McCartney;
- A light-hearted discussion on slavery leads us to Tims' name for the week and;
- Tim explains (extremely poorly) why he thinks he's a fabulous feminist.
The CROATS Podcast - Please swear at us on iTunes!
This weeks' confused ramblings include :
- A drop-happy intro in which Tim strugggles to get a word in edgeways with himself;
- We speculate on how successful Tim would be at Mastermind if his specialist subject was himself and;
- We turn agony uncles to loyal listener Roy who is seeking advice on pronouncing letters of the alphabet.
The CROATS Podcast : Watch out for cars when crossing the road!
This weeks confused ramblings include :
- We completely fail in our attempts to satirise Greece;
- Tim educates David on the US Presidents that have enjoyed wacky tobacky and;
- A Night at Tominos Pictures - We review the cinematic output of our favourite Tolerator.
Warning! This episode of the CROATS Podcast is mildly educational!
This weeks' confused ramblings include :
- Tim marvels at David's impression of Prince Charles impersonating David Blunkett;
- We speculate about what a podcast hosted by our fathers would sound like and;
- Tim grumbles about the over-inflated sense of importance people place on their jobs.
The CROATS Podcast - Not running for president of the USA in 2016.
This weeks confused ramblings include :
- Tim wants to know if rhetorical answers exist;
- The show is interrupted by a phone call, and its not Geoff from Horsham and;
- We subject Tim's recent tweets to some rigorous scientific analysis.
If you were a character in the CROATS podcast how young would you look?
This weeks Confused Ramblings include :
- Tim and David exchange words over the scientific veracity of astrology;
- Tim speculates how the Nazis might operate as a University social club and;
- David thanks our newest Twitter followers whilst Tim indulges in some vigorous exercise.
The CROATS Podcast - Tim invites you to get naked and take pictures of yourself whilst listening to this weeks' episode.
This week's confused ramblings include :
- Two new entries into Tim's Correction Corner;
- David imagines what would happen if Brooks Newmark joined the Justice League of America and;
- We ruin every M. Night Shyamalan movie in a spoilerific final segment.
No, seriously, don't listen between 45:40 and 46:30 if you don't want The Sixth Sense, Unbreakable, Signs, The Village and - for some reason also The Mousetrap and The Usual Suspects - completely ruined.
Oh and skip 53:30 to 54:30 if you're planning on reading The Diceman anytime soon either. The CROATS Podcast. Don't say you weren't warned!
This weeks' confused ramblings include :
- Tim speaks of his time working with Peter The Scythe;
- We ruminate on the origins of The Krankies and;
- Geoff from Horsham triggers activity on the Dark Web.
This weeks' CROATS Podcast is Proteinaceous!
This week's confused ramblings include:
- Thievery! Tim steals a joke from his friend Seamus;
- Phrasery! CROATS Go Croatian is back with some mis-translation fun;
- Vagrancy! Tim shares a tale of his encounters with beggars
This episode was recently voted the 7th worst episode of the CROATS podcast!
This Weeks' Confused Ramblings Include:
- Tim warms up Swedish Air Force style;
- We discuss Tim's Facebook friends - Franz Kafka and Charles Darwin;
- And There's an exclusive reading of two previously unpublished letters' from Prince Charles' archive.
The CROATS Podcast - do you tolerate it?
This Weeks' Confused Ramblings Include:
- Wittgenstein from the off! Tim derails the podcast in record time;
- Filth in the middle! Tim googles beaver and pitches an X-rated version of Cluedo;
- A musical ending! Tim's tribute to David Cameron.
The CROATS Podcast - Cymru listen to us!
It's the CROATS Election Special! David valiantly attempts to keep Tim on track in discussing the upcoming UK election but can't prevent several diversions into such topics as :
- The content of our very first piece of listener fan mail;
- How to eat a banana whilst maintaining your dignity;
- David's prior career as a milkman; and
- Tim's dabbling in the Quiz Show genre again...surely it can't be as bad as The Backwards Quiz?
Remember - its important you cast your vote this week - are you #withthegrain or #againstthegrain?
Double Digits! This Week's Confused Ramblings Include:
- Tim explains his system for ranking serial killers,
- Has David finally discovered Tim's true identity?,
- Tim tries his hand at stand-up comedy, and
- David discovers how easy it is to create audio pornography for the blind using sound clips of TIm's voice.
No ladies were maimed with darts during the making of this episode.
This Weeks Confused Ramblings Include :
- David attempts to diagnose Tim with borderline personality disorder;
- Tim overshares about spending alone time with a £10 note; and
- Tim sings a song written during his troubled time on the streets as a beggar, a vagrant, a tramp.
The CROATS Podcast! Not endorsed by Tim Vine!
This Weeks Confused Ramblings Include :
- Intellectual-Off! Tim discovers that he doesn't quite measure up to either David or Osama Bin Laden;
- Tim argues that Dannii Minogue is a medical wonder and a secret Croatian; and
- Tim explains how he definately doesn't benchmark his shopping against the dates of famous battles.
Podcasting ain't cheap! This week's episode cost £10.69 to make.
It's Episode Numero Septum and this week's confused ramblings include :
- Connecting the dots between the Jehovah's Witnesses and Peter Sutcliffe;
- Tim boasts of his ability to Mind The Gap; and
- David regales Tim with an anecdote, a story, a tale about a recent trip to the barbers.
April Showers - Don't forget your brolly!
This week's Confused Ramblings include :
- The air turns blue early on as Tim reveals how he inadvertently taught his daughter the F-Word;
- We devise what could possibly be the world's greatest chat up line;
- We discuss edgy humour on the internet following the lack of success with David's #TimHitler campaign; and
- David Blunkett's threat of legal action doesn't deter Tim from performing another song on the podcast.
Listen to our podcast every Sunday on BBC Radio One's Website Charts with Bruno Brooks!
This week's confused ramblings include :
- We're on the web! David discusses the launch of the CROATS website;
- Tim concocts a Brooks Newmark inspired honey trap for David;
- Tim provides some unique marriage guidance counselling; and
- The latest instalment of Tim's Chinaman Adventure
Contact us today for David's special "Beef Omlette" recipe!
This week:
- Tim's enforced surname leads Tim to reveal more details of his personal life;
- David's jingle for Tim's tale about all the men in China receives a poor reception from Tim; and
- Tim attempts yet again to prove he's an intellectual by attempting a book review.
Please listen to this weeks episode at the exact same time as you listened to last weeks in order to maximise your enjoyment!
Three may be the magic number but there's still only one CROATS podcast. This week :
- There's fallout from Tim's disastrous Rowan Williams interview;
- Tim shares a story/anecdote/tale regarding all the men in China; and
- David is subjected to the horror that is Tim's singing
El segundo!
It's episode two of the CROATS Podcast and this week :
- David kicks off a brutal campaign to get Tim to reveal his surname on the show;
- We introduce a new game - 'Dictionary Word Of The Week' which results in David losing an item of clothing;
- And Tim "interviews" a famous celebrity.
Enjoy the show and remember #TimHitler
In our premiere episode David and Tim dive straight into the topics that no one else is talkng about (probably because no one else would consider discussing such ridiculous things):
- Tim's deluded (vindaloo-ded?) desire to remain anonymous;
- Whether The Archers is a show about farmers or pirates;
- Why the world needs (or doesn't need) another two-man comedy podcast;
- How many Wales you could fit in Croatia;
- Why (according to Tim) The Backwards Quiz is nothing like Jeopardy!