This episode discussions Duane’s path through the darkness and his journey of healing and recovery. He also discusses the 4 pillars of support that he personally utilized to help him through this.
Show Sponsor This episode was sponsored by Hypnosis Downloads - you can find out more and support the Podcast by visiting http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/hypnosis
Links to find out more!l * YouTube Channel - https://www.youtube.com/dadsurvivingdivorce * Website - http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com * email - duane@dadsurvivingdivorce.com * Narc Abuse Recovery Playlist - https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL_m6CcV-0KF7elaJIDdEcSdSVPumeBcbS
Table of Contents The Path Through The Darkness 00:48 - Revisiting Duane’s journey through this very difficult time in his life and the journey through recovery. He introduces the concept of pillars of support that helped him throughout this process.
- Very difficult journey
- overwhelming most of the time
Denial Of The Facts and Realities 02:47 - There is a period of time where we are in denial of the facts and reality of what we are going through. You will want to ignore those realities that are right in front of your face and you can convince yourself that you are healed and have recovered from this.
- A period of time where I ignored what was going on
- I thought I was “over-it”
- Lied to myself and others
Recognizing You Are Still Stuck 07:36 - Recognizing that you are still stuck and that triggers will cause an emotional flashback and response.
- Triggers are a huge part of this
- Flash of anger by either the ex or external stimulius
- Just can’t get them out of your mind
First Pillar of Support - Professional Therapist 09:53 - The first “Pillar of Support” is that of a professionally licensed therapist. A skilled therapist knowledgeable in emotional abusive relationships and have an understanding of cluster b personality types. Targets of emotional abuse typically come across as emotionally unhinged, paranoid, and stressed which can lead an unskilled therapist down a modality that isn’t appropriate for your experience. Bottom line ensure you vet any support that you utilize it.
Second Pillar of Support - Homework, books, etc 15:25 - The second pillar of support is requesting homework and book recommendations from your therapist. You want to spent the time between sessions continuing to work on your healing. Waiting until your next session to talk or work on things is just going to delay your process and journey.
Third Pillar of Support - YouTube Videos and Online Resources 17:24 - The third pillar of support is the only community and things such as YouTube videos. After that initial realization and a few google searches on “narcissistic personality disorder” a handful of resources came up. The first was a blog by Zari Ballard The Narcissistic Personality and her book When Love Is A Lie. The second resource was Richard Grannon and his YouTube Channel The Spartan Lifecoach. Those resources both helped keep me focused and were a significant reality check that kept me on-track until the next therapy session.
Fourth Pillar of Support - Hypnosis Download files 26:37 - The Fourth Pillar of Support is hypnosis. The idea of using hypnosis was a stretch for Duane to even consider. This is not something he would have ever considered in the past. The catalyst for this was when a friend recognized and commented that he should try something different because he just wasn’t making progress and was stuck. When Duane started using the files it was a daily process that consisted of using the files multiple times a day.
Note: Hypnosis Downloads is a sponsor of the show and if you purchase any of their files when you use the links provide there will be a “kick-back” that will be provided to DSD and The Podcast. This is something that Duane has personality utilized and it was helpful in his path to recovery.
https://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com/hypnosis
Fundamental Truths of Healing 32:36 - The fundamental truths of healing from emotional narcissistic abuse. The main truth that people need to realize is that healing from this type of abuse is really hard work and takes a significant amount of people. Most people just do not understand what you are going through. This also includes some professional therapists. Although their intentions are good their advice and “support” can be counter productive and can re-traumatize you.
It Is All About Perspective 37:51 - It all boils down to perspective. The biggest single thing that will change throughout this process is your perspective. This is a simple concept but it is very difficult to work your way through. You will begin to realize and see everyone’s part in this process, including your own. Most of the time you will also begin to see the root cause of your issues result for early childhood trauma. Working through these initial wounds will play a critical role in your recovery and healing.
Single Greatest Gift From This 39:02 - Duane expresses how this may be an odd concept to consider when healing from this but there is a “gift” from this emotionally traumatic experience. The main thing you will learn from this is how important self-validation is. When you require external validation from either a spouse, boss, work or any other external source it really sets you up for abuse. Learning to validate yourself will enable you to create strong and healthy boundaries which is the key ingredient to keeping toxic people out of your life.
Wrap-up 44:05 - End of show wrap-up