Closure is difficult to find in a toxic narcissistic relationship. As soon as you are discard and there is no reason to continue to the manipulation it will happen in an instant. This makes finding closure impossible to get from your ex. In this episode we talk about the struggles of finding closures and some tips and techniques that might help you find it within yourself.

Links to find out more! * YouTube Channel - [https://www.youtube.com/dadsurvivingdivorce] * Website - [http://www.dadsurvivingdivorce.com] * email - duane@dadsurvivingdivorce.com

Table of Contents Looking for closure introduction 00:52 - Finding closure with a toxic ex is extremely difficult. In this episode we talk about the struggles that everyone has when trying to navigate their way through this process.

The Discard 02:26 - The traditional discard, when your ex find someone to replace you and no longer “needs” you. The difficult part about the discard is in an instant you are treated as if you never existed. A narcissistic toxic person is able to ”flip that switch” and turn off all emotions. This is because those emotions were never genuine nor real and it was all part of their act to tell you want you wanted to hear and believe.

Closure in a “normal” relationship 06:34 - In a “normal” relationship there is a real genuine connection. Even if you decide to go in different direction you can have a conversation and provide each other with closure. This can be even more difficult if you have experienced this in the past because it will feel even more foreign when you are with a toxic narcissistic personality type.

The differences with how you are raised 09:03 - If you grow up with good boundaries then you will more than likely realize there is something wrong with in the relationship early on. When that happens, and you’ve grown up with a healthy family, you will typically act on this rather quickly. This means you will end the relationship sooner. However, if you were raised with unhealthy boundaries and examples then it make take a significant amount of time to realize there is something wrong. When you do not have healthy boundaries then the chaos and turmoil can feel “comfortable”.

Finding Closure 11:34 - When you are dealing with a toxic ex you will not get that closure because of what the relationship is. This is very difficult because we do not get time to process the grief and find out closure. Typically in a toxic narcissistic relationship as soon as you are discarded the smear campaign and narcissistic rage begins. When this occurs you are in a fight for your life and in some cases freedom so you do not have time to grieve the relationship. Remember they have their own agenda they are pursing and “making nice” doesn’t fit their narrative.

When they don’t need anything from you anymore 15:10 - Once you are discarded and they realize they no longer need anything from you anymore then everything is set in motion to prove their victim narrative. At this stage of the process they are focused on getting “everything” they can from you. This can be money, support, assets, and finally time and control of the children. The sad fact of family court is that time equals money and control. This dynamic sets up a paradigm where it is in the narcissistic exes best interest to destroy you and have you focused on defending yourself, reputation and potentially your freedom. They accomplish this in one of two ways. The first is to beat you down so you just give up or in. The second is to attack so you are defending yourself and are not prioritizing the family court case because it is secondary to criminal court and/or trying to keep your career.

Interrupted Closure 17:39 - When you are working to defending yourself and/or fighting for your children closure will be interrupted. This is what happened in Duane’s situation where the grieving process stopped because he was finding in family court. When you are being attacked like this and smeared you are completely shell shocked and unable to think about anything other than trying to get through the immediate crisis at hand.

They truly do not care about you 19:57 - The sad truth about these type of relationships is they do not care about you. You literally mean nothing to them. This is very difficult to process because typically they still mean something to you. You still worry about them and you still care about them. So, when they demonstrate with their actions and words that your well-being means nothing to them it is really hard to process and accept.

The danger when they need nothing from you 21:39 - When you are dealing with someone like this, if they do not need anything from you be extremely careful. If they do not need you employees or out of jail then a toxic narcissistic ex will employ anything they can to destroy your career or create false criminal allegations. If they are able to do this then you will be busy fighting for your survival and, in their mind (and family court reality), it gives them the advantage. This also complicates things with other people because typically no one would ever imagine someone would make something like this up.

Starting to find answers 25:28 - Duane brings this around full circle and talks about how he started to find closure through this process and some of the mistakes he made along the way. The thing that really started to help Duane was when his therapist brought up the potential of narcissistic personality disorder. When that was suggested and he started researching the lightbulb went off. Now this didn’t mean everything was wonderful immediately, no a lot of healing was still required, but that is when he started to find closure for himself.

Finding closuring within yourself 31:59 - As previously said when you are dealing with a toxic ex you are never going to find closure through them. You are going to have to find closure within yourself. In Duane’s story this was by learning about narcissistic personality disorder, continued work with his therapist, reading books, and following blogs and YouTube channels. This knowledge helped him to finally start to understand what he was dealing with. Even with this newfound knowledge it still took a long time to start to heal and to process everything that has occurred. In essence, it still took a long time to ultimately find closure.

End of show wrap-up 39:22 - End of show wrap-up and a discussion about the amount of time it really takes to heal from all of this and to ultimately find closure