LM, Episode 1222, 4/25/23, Uneasy Driver

Early Sunday morning I’m driving through Brookfield, MO low on gas when I get stopped by one of Brookfield’s finest. He says I’m doing 47 in a 35 and asks for my driver’s license and insurance card. I give him my license and pull out a stack of insurance cards from the glovebox to find the current one. The only thing I have more of in this car are fast food cups piled on the floor of the back seat. As I’m looking through the insurance cards, I say my dad’s cousin, Chester, used to live here and, not only did I need gas, I thought I’d drive by his house.

The most current insurance card I have expired last month. He says, “You obviously have insurance, but while you were trying to find a current one, I noticed your license plates are expired.”

I’m 12 miles over the speed limit, expired license plates and insurance card, so I did what every married man in the world would do. I threw my wife, Twyla, under the bus. I go, “I’m sorry, but this is my wife’s car and you know how they are, right?”

The officer’s whole demeanor changes. “Boy, do I,” he says. “Yesterday I drove my wife’s car and both the check engine and low tire lights were on. It took me the better part of my day off getting everything fixed. Listen, I’m going to let you go, but, promise me you’ll slow down and get this stuff straightened out when you get home.”

I promised and got the hell out of Brookfield.

When I tell Twyla what I’d done, she says, “The worst part is he thinks I’m a slob with all the trash in the back floor board.”

I go, “Plus I didn’t get to go by Chester’s house.”

Twyla asks, “You mean that part was true? So there is a grain of truth in the web of lies you told this man?”

“Yes, I’m not a complete liar.”

Take care and always remember laughter matters.