LM, Episode 214, 6/16/20, REPLAY for 5/3/23

I went to high school with a guy everyone called Flathead because his head was shaped like someone had run over it with a car.

Before you get to feeling sorry for him, he was one of those people that no matter what he says, it sounds offensive. After a show at the theater in my hometown, a guy walks up to me and I recognized him immediately because, well his head was flat. He turns his head sideways so he can look me in the eyes, and says, “My wife and I paid $25 per ticket tonight to see you even though I didn’t think you were that funny in school.”

The first response I thought of was, “Someone married you,” but I thought that was mean, so I say, “Yeah, you want to hear something hilarious, I get $15 of that, now that’s funny.”

The first thing I do when I get to a show is ask how many tickets have been sold. In my head, I multiply that by the ticket price, then multiply that number by my percentage of the ticket price and come up with, within $10-20, what I’m making that night. Other comedians marvel at this, “How do you do that?”

“I know how to multiply.”

Once my friend, Jenny Whitty, had a FaceBook post saying, “If 666 is evil, then 25.8069758 is the root of all evil.” It made me laugh out loud. For those of you who are mathematically challenged, 25.8069758 is the square root of 666. I don’t know that off the top of my head, but I know 25 times 25 is 625 which is close.

Thank you Jenny for reminding us multiplication and laughter matters.