Single With Strategy: The Podcast: Recent Episodes
Rochelle Soyoola
Inspiring and encouraging millennial women, while challenging them to create more successful societies through family God's way.
hello@marriageformillennials.com www.marriageformillennials.com
Conflict is natural and apologies are necessary. But they aren't the end and they aren't accountability. Listen as Sam and Ro discuss.
Boundaries are the current buzzword that most millennials are welcoming into their lives. But with all medicines, there are side effects. Sam and Ro discuss boundaries, and the loss and loneliness that come with it.
We're proud of the new wave of conversations concerning family. But with all things, there is always opportunity to grow. Check out our new podcast, where Ro and Sam talk the problem with relationship podcasts.
Rochelle and Sam are back, with a new name and new updates to the family. What happened to you guys? The answer here:
We are talking about moving in harmony while dating and married. A lot of women are on the quest to find someone but what really needs to be discussed is the maintenance of your dating candidates and healthy ways to maintain a relationship once you’ve reached marriage. So that’s what we’re going to talk about today.
So today’s podcast is about Acknowledgement Over Self-Internalization. You guys know that I am heavy on the gram and I find that a lot of the comments I get both positive and negative have a root of internalization. You have some people that have internalized their dating history and see my content and are like “omg, I love your content, please help me” and they are just extremely disappointed with themselves to the point of not feeling worthy of dating and therefore being stagnant while dating. On the flip side, you have the women that are also internalizing and feel regret for their dating experiences, so they response in a negative way to me as a way to deflect from the shame they feel in themselves. Let me tell both types of women. Stop. Stop internalizing and start powerfully acknowledging. So that’s what we’re going to talk about today.
So relationship baggage. We all have some version of it, from our childhood upbringing, to our friendships and to today’s topic specifically, our previous relationships. Relationship baggage is something that can really weigh us down if we let it, and we want to pack light! We don’t want to have to pay any oversized luggage fees in our lives. So today I’m sharing 5 Ways For You To Unpack Relationship Baggage.
As women, we want many things when in comes to relationships. But I think that if we stripped away all of the materialistic things and focused on what truly matters, most of the things we truly need would fall under the umbrella of security. Above all, as women we want to feel secure when we are dating, and we want that feeling to last in our marriage. But when we say we want to feel secure, what does that actually mean? How can we tangibly break this down so that we know what to look for in a dating partner, or what to pray for or even thank God for in our husbands?
Today’s podcast is listener requested.
She asks: “Hey Rochelle, I just got out of a relationship that was supposed to end in marriage. What do I do now?"
Ro talks about purity culture and the blind spots in these teachings. How the way we deliver these teachings have indirect effects that can prevent us from walking with the Lord, in a more well rounded way.
Sam and Ro are TWO years old! Married that is. In this podcast, Sam and Ro talk about their marriage and reflect on the hills and valleys of doing life together.
Today's podcast talks about the common misuse of a 50/50 marriage, why it won't work, and what type of marriage will.
In light of the latest national news of police brutality and riots, Sam and Ro talk about how to prepare spiritually, physically (protection), financially, politically and to the community we are called to...should the world take a turn for the worst.
This podcast is listener requested, and Sam and Ro are talking about being married and how that new dynamic impacts your friendships with your single friends.
Sam and Ro discuss The Four Vital C's of Marriage: Consideration, Confession, Commitment and Change.
Sam and Ro talk about their differences in marriage, and how compatibility can be a myth.
Sam and Ro talk about the three marriage mindsets important to the newly married millennial.
Ro & Sam talk COVID-19 and share a new perspective on why some newlyweds experience disappointment once married.
A new season of MFM Podcasts begins now. Kicking things off with our new podcast called “Analysis Paralysis: Pushing Through The Desire For Perfection”. Sam and Ro talk about something they know all too well...analysis paralysis. The podcast duo drops some MFM disclaimers and talk about how to make hard decisions and how not to beat yourself up about your process while staying focused.
Topics Include:
The Culture of Execution: The Quest To Be "Booked & Busy" The Highlight Reel of Social Media We're Not Apostles We're Not A Perfect Couple -anniversaries don't make you more qualified We're Not Perfect Individuals -God uses common men How To Make A Decision & Not Beat Yourself Up About It
For their first podcast of 2020, Sam and Ro talk about the "Jesus Is Your Boyfriend" culture and how to confidently want singleness to be a short term season.
Rochelle continues the Beyond Titus 2 & Proverbs 31 podcast series with a topic about gossip and how as wives it leads to idleness. In this podcast, Rochelle shares about how she has gossiped in the past and talks about gossip at work, church, with friends and even gossip with your spouse.
Sam and Ro talk about how millennials can leave and cleave to God’s truth over their spouses’ emotions.
Topics Addressed:
Pressures of Unison In Marriage
Leaving & Cleaving To Truth
Your Spouse May Not Always Like This
Examples of Leaving & Cleaving To Truth
When You Leave & Cleave Incorrectly, You Don’t Model Christ’s Idea For Marriage
Wives, Don’t Be Manipulative
Husband’s, Don’t Be Manipulative
How Leaving and Cleaving With Truth Strengthens your Faith In God
Rochelle begins a mini series of podcasts that talk about Biblical Womanhood outside of Titus 2 and Proverbs 31. She shares stories in the Bible that help us also see the great women in the Bible and who we are supposed to be as servants to God first, and wives and mothers second.
NEW PODCAST & IT’S A PODCAST COLLABORATION!
This week we teamed up with Rachel and Austin from Because Marriage Matters to bring you this week’s podcast titled, “Who's To Blame?”
From the moment Rachel and Austin’s publicist reached out to us, collaborating on this project has been very insightful and very intentional for our listeners. The four of us worked together with our listeners in mind and came up with a podcast itinerary that we know you will not only just love to hear, but one that would provide a different perspective to navigating through your marriage.
Meet our guests this week Rachel and Austin. They have been married for 8 years, and they are certified marriage coaches based out of Kansas City, Missouri. Together they are the founders of Because Marriage Matters, where they counsel married couples and create strategies for them to transform their marriage. They work with couples through their online programs, in-person events, 1 on 1, and 2 on 2 coaching and counseling. In addition to this, they have three beautiful girls, and serve in worship at Summit Park Church.
Today we’re talking about blame in relationships, specifically marriage. We touch on:
- Projection From Childhood
- How Society Supports Our People Blaming Nature
- The True Reason We Project
- How The Desire Of Even Good Things (Wanting to be protected, respected, not wanting to be anxious and requirements due to parental upbringings) Can Lead Us To Project
- Spotting The Projection
- Thrive For Life Marriage Weekend
We hope that you will enjoy this!!! Special thanks to Rachel and Austin and Because Marriage Matters for podcasting with us.
- Friends
-meeting new married couples
-friendships with older couples
-”You can’t be close to me if you don’t accept my whole family, which includes my wife.” -Sam
-the joy of reconnections with old friends
- Family
-the value of family
-dealing with in laws
-setting boundaries
- Tough Times In Our Marriage
-Lord I love you and am trying to trust you, but I just don’t think I can do this.
-Millennials and the false narrative they display about their marriages
-Taking a break from the podcast?
- You Don’t Think You Want To Rule Over Your Husband, But You Do
-the way you react to things says a lot about your trust in your spouse and your trust in God
- Does Your Wife Understand Your Leadership?
-wives want to go on adventures with their husband, but they have to know where they are going
- Dependency on Counsel. Counseling Won’t Change Your Heart
-some things you need to figure out on your own
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Operating With Optimism In Your Marriage
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Anniversary Trip? Kids?
…and more. Told you it was a long one. Enjoy!
Sam and Ro talk about the possibility of cordiality with friends that you disagree with. Topics Include:
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Yes
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No
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Be Careful of Getting The Job of God Wrong -10 years from now -stop thinking it is you that is the convincer of the mind
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do you only want the win?
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Agreeing With Other Couples: Marriage Politics -agreeing with other husbands (wife perspective) -our bromance has to has to come to a halt because of your wife (husband perspective)
-Being mindful of what your spouse is trying to build with another spouse
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Private Love, But Public Hate -some of the people you hate publicly because of their views are the ones that will be the first to help you in your time of need
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Debating Etiquette with Another’s Spouse
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In the event you feel there is no way to coexist with this person -how to be comfortable with a decrease in contact or being the cordial friend that only pops by for special occasions
Sam and Ro record their convo yesterday in the kitchen. This is a nonstructural, raw, unedited, more passionate look into what they talk about when no one is listening. A variety of topics are discussed, and no topic is off limits.
Sam and Ro discuss flock fear from a member perspective. Topics Include:
Create The Itch, Don’t Scratch It
Scripture vs Your Feelings: “I Feel it in my spirit”
Giving -because you’re a good steward vs you got a "good word/performance"
Selective Church Membership?
Bivocational Pastoring
Accurate Fear of the Flock
Encouraging Your Pastor
Sam and Ro discuss uprooting your upbringing. Topics Include:
Who Says Parents Can't Be Critiqued?
Parents Are Key -honor your parents -parents lay the foundation
Upbringing Peers -peers influence you more -being able to let chapters close with friendship traditions
Upbringing Matters In Relationships -upbringing shapes your expectations
Singles -weeding out upbringings while dating
Other things upbringing affect -politeness over genuineness -being so organized that spontaneity is sacrifice -so much focus on logic that emotional connection is lost
Uprooting upbringing -imperfect parents and peers mean transferred imperfections so what do you do about it
Truth Over Tradition: don’t choose culture over Christ -don’t choose culture over Christ
Being Mindful Of Your Impact On The Next Generations Upbringing
Sam and Ro discuss contentment vs ambition. Topics Include:
Contentment vs. Happiness
Contentment Is More About Your Heart Than Your Circumstance
Contentment Is Not Void Of Ambition -Christians feel like being content means being broke (let's discuss)
Ambition Vs. God's Sovereignty
Contentment In The Home
Sam and Ro discuss infidelity. Topics Include:
Fornication vs. Adultery Playing House Work Spouses Adult Entertainment Secret Texting Intimacy With Your Spouse
Sam and Ro discuss The Dangers of Idolizing The Five Love Languages. Topics include:
What are the five love languages?
How We Felt About Them Initially/Change of Heart That We Want To express with you
Its Easy To Love Those That Love You (Matthew 5:46)
That Sounds Like A Personal Problem
Idolize Me Culture
Sanctification Timeline: God’s or Yours?
Compatibility
Sam and Ro do their first podcast of the year titled “God Vs. Your Vision Board” to kick off 2019. Topics include:
Let Your Yes Be Your Yes & Your No Be Your No
It’s Cut Off Season! (Insert Sarcasm Here)
Law of Attraction vs. God’s Sovereignty
The True Art To Moving In Silence
Changing Anytime
Sam and Ro expand on secular song "Thank U, Next" by Ariana Grande
Topics Include:
If You Knew Who You Spouse Would Be From The Beginning of Time, Would You Change Your Past Relationships or Experiences?
Lessons From Our Exes? -who deserves the thanks? -when God gives us over to our unwise desires -should partners be used as education
Casual Dating -do millennials truly enjoy it? -how enjoyable is casual intimacy?
How Do Christian Courtships Differ From Casual/Serial Dating? -dating is for how, courtship is for who
Intentional Questions To Prevent The Dating Grey Area
Sam and Ro discuss the process of choosing a new church. Topics include:
Setting The Foundation of Your Marriage With God
The Church Search: What Should You Know About The Church You Want To Join? -making sure it is a good fit for you, teaching, discipling, leadership -is it wrong to ask for your church's financial reports?
The Church Hurt -getting past church hurt (previous and present) -why do we look at church/Christians as a no hurt zone?
Community -what does church community look like for you? -overcoming anxiety with joining a new church
Sam and Ro continue their leaving and cleaving podcast by discussing how new marriage priorities impact friendships and social groups.
Topics Include:
Is It Necessary For Your Friends To Get Along With Your Spouse?
What If You Spouse Doesn't Care For Your Friends? -do you have to end a friendship just because your spouse doesn't like them?
We Can't Kick It The Way We Used To -opposite sex friendships
What To Do When You Are At Conflict With Your Friend's Spouse...Or Your Spouse's Friend -some things just won't work if Christ isn't in the center -you won't understand Christ's guidelines for conflict
Using "Choosing Your Spouse In Conflict" As An Excuse Not To Reconcile -faux forgiveness -why dissolving a friendship is the easy way out and not necessarily the Godly way out -why apologies are cowardly -what is true reconciliation -is reconciliation a requirement
Sam and Ro discuss what leaving and cleaving looks like, as well as the feelings that come with starting your own family.
Topics Include:
Symbolism of Marriage for Husband & Wife Imposter Syndrome -are you qualified for this new role? Anger -going another way than your parents Sadness -missing your parents Happiness -the joys of starting a family
Sam and Ro discuss money, as it is the foundation of many things and can be a sensitive point in marriage if not controlled. They also answer the question they have recently been asked the most: how did you pay off your home? Topics Include:
Money is one of the top leading things for divorce?
Joint Account Experience
To Split or Not To Split (Bills)
Paying Off Our Home
Reasons Why You Are Having Trouble With Money
Being A Steward Over God’s Blessings
Check out our new podcast titled: "Physical Expectations In Marriage? Why Don’t Pastor’s Talk About Gluttony?”
Some key points:
God Gives Us Food As A Gift/Pleasure Why The Church Doesn’t Talk About Gluttony? Body Shaming vs. Accountability Exercise Is An Excuse? Using Being A Church Leader or A “Good Mom or Dad” As An Excuse? Grace In Physical Expectations
Rochelle & Samuel Discuss Gender Roles & Grace
Topics Include:
- Equal Worth vs. Equal Roles
- Why Do Women View Family As An Attack on Their Strength
- Melting Masculinity: Why Don't Men Want To Lead Anymore?
- Bills: To Split Or Not To Split?
Sam & Ro talk about the structure of God, Family & Friends in your household. Topics include how to create a devotional schedule and pray in front of your spouse, how to establish boundaries in family and friendships, how to resolve conflict in other relationships and endure long suffering with others.
Happy Valentines Day! If you celebrate it, we hope that you have a great day according to your means, and we hope that you enjoy this podcast.
Topics Include:
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Contently Pursuing God -what is true happiness?
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Pleasure vs. Happiness -sometimes when we say we want happiness we are really saying “I want what pleasures me”
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Happiness Is An Emotion -what happens when you’re not happy?
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Happiness Requires Sacrificing -so many times you watch relationship content and it’s all about what you can do to make your significant other happy as opposed to what you can sacrifice to make them happy.
& more.
Sam and Ro talk about the cross-genre trend in music, specifically the Christian community.
About a year ago, I started the MFM Podcast with the debut podcast titled "Traveling While Celibate". Sam and I had just come from Puerto Rico for his 30th birthday and after over 2 years of abstinence (now about 3 years), I wanted to shed some light on how Sam and I travel while being a couple practicing celibacy.
Since then, our opinions on the topic have changed a little. From having conversations with our community of friends (which included some reproving)and becoming more wise, we decided to do this podcast over. The first time the podcast was just me, this time I've brought Sam to get his opinion as well.
Take a listen:
MFMThePodcast #TwoPsWithAPod
Today we’re talking about the idolization of marriage and social media women ministers. I want to talk about this because not only is this something that I have been guilty of in the past, but it is something that I feel is the horrible new norm of young adult Christianity and it’s plaguing what Christianity really is.
Sam and Rochelle discuss the topic "Sanctification Takes Time". Bullet points include:
- Being Overwhelmed By Christian Perfection
-the misconception that becoming saved makes all of your sin go away -lack of transparency in the church, what does it truly mean to love your brother and sister in Christ? -falling short, making you feel like you’re not called to do what God told you to do
- Not An Excuse To Sin
-what is the difference in sin between a believer and a non-believer?
- Being Intentional
-personal Development & Meditating On The Word
- Needing Community
-surrounding yourself with people who are strong in your weak areas
- Extending Grace To Others
-everyone is a Christian until it's time to apologize or forgive
- Things In Our Lives We Want To Sanctify
Today we’re talking about sex. More specifically abstinence and celibacy. I’m pretty excited about this topic, because as a person practicing celibacy until marriage, I feel like this vantage point that I’m going to come from is a vantage point that is needed in the church, and needed badly. I’m titling this 5 Reasons Why Celibacy Is Not Your Ticket To Heaven, and I really think that you guys will be able to take something from this that will help you in your walk with Christ.
Today Sam and I discuss the movie Beauty & The Beast, and topics like:
- How Belle's perfection compares to the highlight reel of social media
- The Troubles of Flattery
- Would we let our kids watch Disney?
- Was the Beast really that much different from Gaston in regards to arrogance?
- "If you convince enough women not to have kids, you can successfully kill a whole generation"
- Good qualities of Belle
- Why fathers are painted as weak in movies and women are painted as super-humans who can do no wrong/#MenAren'tCrap Syndrome society has right now 8...More because we talk too much lol
This week, to continue the eighth installment of the nine part series, we will be talking about pride, biblical womanhood mentorship and how the desire we have to always be the teacher can be problematic.
Ever feel like you are always the one mending things or being the example for others? Like some of your friendships or relationships wouldn’t be friendships or relationships if you stopped driving the ship? Is it hard to want to bring peace with your enemies? As women, we want to feel protected, even in our friendships. We want to know that the love is mutual and the friendship is solid. Once we feel like we are not being protected, we can be really resentful and we do not like being the peacemakers. Don’t worry, you’re not alone. I have felt like that too and to be honest, I still feel that way towards some people. Some situations take more time than others. I’m still working on it, but for the most part, I’ve learned a more biblical perspective that I have been applying to my life and I want to share it with you. Not only will this help in your friendships, but it will also help in your future courtship and marriage as well.
While the holidays are great times where families get together, it is also the time where families get together, meaning, the time where everyone wants to meddle into your business. Are you dating, when are you getting married, how is school, what are you studying again, is there any money in that, I don’t think you should, and any and every other question family will bring themselves to ask.
Now, I don’t want to beat a dead horse and say what has been said many times before. I think that there are enough podcasts, books, social media posts that tell you how to deal with your family when they ask about the relationship questions, so I don’t want to discuss that. What I want to talk about is, what happens when your career choice is the topic of concern, or maybe the accolades of another family member is the topic of concern and you are starting to feel jealous? How do we answer the “how is school” question, when you don’t even know why you’re there, maybe because your program is taking a little longer than usual, or maybe because you simply don’t know what you want to do or feel as though there is no career that fits what you want to do? What happens even when you’ve crossed the stage, received your diploma and are still feeling career resentment because you’re not fulfilled? Lastly, how could our families have educated us better about college and degrees, and what do we tell the families we will create in the future about college?
You may be evaluating or re-evaluating your circle of friends, or maybe you’re like I was, just trying to figure out how to tackle the idea of friendship.
This week, I want to talk about what I’ve learned about friendship and how I plan to move forward in friendship moving forward. I’ve had my share of changes, up and downs, regret, fall-outs, love and hate, all in the name of friendship. It took a while, but through the years, I’ve developed a system that works for me in regards to friendships and I would love to share 4 things to think about, when creating your squad.
I hope that you guys have had a great week. This week, I want to talk about needing therapy. This year my mental issues hit me more than ever, and while as I said earlier, the year of 24 was awesome, there were some moments where I was really in an extremely dark place. As a Christian, this is something that I feel like a lot of us may be going through, but we may not know how to get help, because we don’t know where to start. or maybe some of you are hiding some deep secrets because you can’t figure out how to lift the burden of your struggles. That’s what I want to talk discuss today.
Okay so If you’ve read any content from MFM lately then you’ll see that my 25th birthday is approaching and it is driving me crazy to say the least. And you know, while I am excited, I’m getting really really anxious about a lot of things. Trying to think about all of the things you want to embody to be the woman you aspire to be is a lot of pressure, but I do think that there should come a point where a woman knows who she is, what she wants, and is consistent to those things.
So, I decided to organize my thoughts. I decided to think about what message I wanted to send to the Facebookers and even to my friends alike and I came up with 7 things that my unapologetic self would love for them to know and questions they probably already have for me.
Now in light of the recent Tulsa shooting and all of the other shootings that have taken place, I often wonder, what am I going to tell my future family about race? With all of the chaos going on, what do I say to my children and how do I support my husband and our family in our stance on race?
Keyword phase here is what I will tell MY future children about race.
So after doing some statistical research and thinking, I’ve come up with some things, and I’ve decided to share three of them.
This weeks podcast is basically continuing the flow we were on, in regards to the site and why things are the way they are. We’ve talked about family and now I wanted to address the recipes.
Originally I was actually planning on doing another podcast topic today, but a couple days ago, I got a message from someone asking me to give my thoughts on a topic and based on the question, I thought that a podcast would be the best outlet for a response. The message reads:
Hi Rochelle. I would love to hear your thoughts and a future topic centered around the "timing" of marriage. As a millennial about to get married next year, I've seen SO MANY misconceptions. Woman think they can plan when they will get married to the point that when God sends their husband they push him away and overlook him because its not "2020 yet". I'm sure you can get deeper into this topic, but too many woman miss their blessing because they think they are younger than planned or not "in that place of life". I am a firm believer that God does not call the equipped but equips the called and this can apply to everything. Why do we fear God? I had "my plan" slap me in the face several times. "Gods plan" is what always prevails. And marriage is God's plan for many people, they just miss out because of their own plan. I thought marriage was about the timing of when you choose to say "yes" but its about when God tells HIM to even ask.
Listen for my response.
Today I want to talk about why family is important, specifically marriage. What’s the point of it all anyway? When we hear the word “marriage”, specifically when it comes from a woman, we automatically think, “here goes another girl pressed about a ring. In a rush to be married, obsessing over men.” While I do agree that there are some girls that cross that thin line and make the idea of marriage their idol instead of God, I’m proud of myself for not being one of those girls. Give a woman more credit than thinking marriage is only important to her because she can finally hit the activate button on the secret Pinterest board she’s been creating. It's deeper than a ring.
I want to address the elephant in the room when it comes to traveling, fornication. Right?
This is something you’re either great at, failing miserably at, or maybe it’s preventing you from traveling at all. In this girl chat, I provide 4 awesome tips for you to not only enjoy your travels, but to make sure you are honoring Christ when you do.