Sunday Brunch: Recent Episodes
Today FM
Get up out of bed and comb your hair - it's time to put on Sunday Brunch. We'll bring you a show full of music, news, sport, entertainment, and loads of unmistakeably Irish craic. Plus, you'll always learn something you didn't know each week.
What to do with leftover Easter eggs? Louise Lennox from Foodoppi has some suggestions. She even brought along her delicious Chocolate Pizza Cake for us to try. You can check out the recipe at her website - http://foodoppi.com/pizza-cake/ To catch the full chat press the play button on the image on the top of the screen
‘We lost our wife and Mam but there are four people out there today living because of what happened’ Organ Donor Awareness Week 2018 got underway on Saturday 31st March and will continue until next Saturday April 7th. The aim is to encourage people to carry a donor card and to talk to their loved ones about their wishes. On the 13th of July last year 40 year Aisling Davis passed away after suffering a brain haemorrhage. She would have celebrated her 41st birthday tomorrow. On Sunday Brunch Susan Keogh spoke to her husband Barry and her 17 year old daughter, Lauren about how donating Aisling’s organs saved four lives. To catch the full chat press the play button on the top of the screen. And to get an organ donor card Text Donor to 50050
On Wednesday March 28th the Belfast rape trial came to an end. It was almost 9 weeks after it had begun. All four men involved were acquitted. Paddy Jackson, Stuart Olding, Blane McIllroy and Rory Harrison were cleared of all charges. It was a trial that gripped the nation and received unprecedented media coverage. And one which will live long in the minds of many. One man who attended Laganside Crown Court for every day of evidence was our Court’s Correspondent Frank Greaney. He joined Susan Keogh on Sunday Brunch. To catch the full interview press the play button on the top of the screen
Psychotherapist Helen Vaughan discusses what exactly are codependent relationships and how you may even be in one without realizing. To catch the full chat press the play button on the image on the top of the screen
Have you ever experienced nagging self-doubt at work or feared you might be 'found out' by colleagues? If this sounds familiar, you may be feeling the effects of what is known as imposter syndrome. Psychotherapist Helen Vaughan popped in to tell us more about this all too common state of mind, which is said to affect 90% of women in particular, and what can be done about it.
What's in the Sunday supplements this morning? Emer McLysaght casts her eye over the most interesting stories and discusses her own column, in which she talks about picking up the Duolingo app.
The Sunday Times Rich List 2018 is out today, which looks at the wealth of the 300 richest individuals and families in Ireland. Colm Murphy is one of the authors of the list, and he joined us in studio to talk about who's on it this year and what it takes to make the cut.
As Ireland's first support line for families of transgender people goes live, we spoke to one mother who has been through the experience of her child transitioning. Kirsty Donohue's 16-year-old son Dylan was born a girl, but told her three years ago that he felt he was a boy. Kirsty spoke to us about Dylan's journey and how he and the family have coped. She says of coming to terms with the change: "I thought I'd lost my child, but I hadn't - the packaging had just changed."
Will you be going to see Pope Francis when he visits Ireland? We sent journalist Adam Reilly out and about to ask the public where they stand.
The grand final of Dancing With The Stars gets underway tonight, but one contestant who narrowly missed out on a place was Erin McGregor, who bowed out in last week's semi-final. Erin joined us this morning for a chat about her experience on the show. She also touched on the issue of internet trolls and told us who she's backing to win.
Tonight sees the semi-final of RTE's Dancing With The Stars. Olympic bronze medallist Rob Heffernan found himself eliminated from the competition last week, losing out to Erin McGregor in the dance-off. Rob spoke to us about his unforgettable dance journey.
How did you celebrate St. Patrick's Day yesterday? Comedian Joanne McNally joined us for a chat about what she did. She also took to the streets to get the public's opinions on what St. Patrick's Day means to them.
Singer-songwriter Ruth-Anne Cunningham has had a really busy week, appearing on stage with Niall Horan at the 3Arena. She has also written with him and worked on songs by a wide range of artists including Britney Spears, Westlife, Pixie Lott and TLC. Her new single, 'The Vow', it out on Spotify and iTunes on 22 March, and she is also due to go out on tour. Ruth-Anne spoke to us about her passion for music and her career to date.
Actress and writer Isobel Mahon is probably best known to Irish audiences for playing barmaid Michelle Haughey in Glenroe. But she is also a successful playwright as well as a qualified psychotherapist. Her new comedy play, Boom?, opens at Dublin's Gaiety Theatre on 26 March and runs through to Easter. Isobel spoke about how the play was inspired by suburban life during the economic boom, her time in Glenroe and her daughter's premature birth.
It's almost a year since Tina Satchwell disappeared from her home in Youghal, Co. Cork. Since then more than 200 lines of inquiry have been followed by Gardaí but her whereabouts remain a mystery. Tina's husband Richard Satchwell joined Susan Keogh in studio to discuss his wife's disappearance. He spoke about their marriage, his relationship with her family, how he has been coping this past year, and why he believes she is still alive. He also addressed criticisms concerning his media appearances and rumours that he may have been involved in her disappearance.
Karl Henry is one of Ireland's best known personal trainers and one of the stars of RTE's Operation Transformation. He has written a new book called Karl Henry's Healthy Living Handbook, which covers areas like food, fitness and wellbeing. Kark joined us in studio to tell us more about it and what makes it different from other health books.
This week our resident agony aunt Niamh Fitzpatrick has some advice for a listener who wants to help his wife get in shape. Hi Neil and Niamh, My sister is getting married in about six months' time and my wife has been talking for ages about how she wants to be in shape for the wedding. But she isn’t doing anything about it and I worry that she will regret it when the wedding comes around. I love my wife no matter what size she is, to me she is beautiful inside and out. We’re together ten years and I can honestly say that we’re happy together. She’s the love of my life and she’s a fantastic mother, our kids are doing great and it’s largely down to her, the house runs smoothly as she’s so organised. However, she herself is not happy as she gained over two stone after having our kids and has never lost it and it really bothers her (the kids are 6, 4 and 2). She is never happy with her clothes and just seems to wear black all the time, she doesn’t wear make-up and just scrapes her hair back, it’s as if she doesn’t care about how she looks. She’s not depressed or anything, she’s just down when it comes to her appearance. She’ll often even duck out of going to things because she has nothing to wear, so she’ll make an excuse and not go. And anytime there’s photos to be taken she hops up and says that she’ll take the pics, but I know that’s because she hates being in photos. But at the wedding she won’t be able to duck out of the family photos and I just don’t want her to get stressed out coming up to it and to dread the day, yet I can see this happening. If she could just get out walking a bit and maybe join a slimming class I’m sure she could lose this weight but she just can’t seem to get her act in gear. She has great intentions but never manages to stick with anything for any length of time. She works full time and is excellent at her job, she’s even been recently promoted. Her work even has a gym so she could go to that if she wanted but she says she’s too tired. Do I say something to her about this? Or do I stand back and see what happens and pick up the pieces if it all goes wrong? I love her and just need some help figuring out how to help her. Thanks in advance. Niamh's Advice: Your intention is pure, you clearly love your wife and genuinely just want her to be happy. Some people would say to do nothing and leave it to your wife to sort, but I think that if you go about this the right way it could actually be the very thing that your wife needs – a bit of well thought out support. Firstly, it’s about understanding that your wife knows exactly what’s going on here, she hasn’t missed the fact that she has weight to lose, nor that the wedding is approaching and she needs to get going or she will find herself stressed coming up to it. She knows that for her health and also for her mental well-being, getting in shape would be good for her. She even knows what she needs to do in order to shift the pounds – which is to exercise regularly and consistently and to eat appropriately. What she doesn’t know, is how she can do all this on top of the other jobs that are her responsibility. That’s where you can come in. Step back and consider what jobs she has to do before she would be free to think about exercising or going to a slimming class. You described a woman who has three children under 6, a full-time career, plus whatever household tasks that you share between you. It’s not a question of why she hasn’t gotten her act in gear, it’s more a question of how could she with all this going on? She is achieving in many areas of her life:
She has a good relationship with you and a happy marriage She’s a great mother and has three healthy happy children She’s running a busy household efficiently She’s performing in her career and her employer is happy
What’s left after all this? Nothing. Your wife is depleted and the item that gets put on the long finger is herself, simply because she has run out of road. This is the bit that she may not actually realise, as she is probably so used to this life of juggling that she doesn’t recognise that she is out of balance. So, think about what you can do to free up physical and emotional space for your wife to be able to think of herself.
Could you get the kids up in the mornings to let her get out to walk? Could you put them to bed for the same reason? Could you be home in the evening to let her go to slimming class? Who does the laundry, housework, making the lunches, getting up at night – do you share all this or is this largely her responsibility?
See what you can do that would free up some space to allow her to not be so depleted. Then, next time she gives out about not having anything to wear that fits her, or that she makes any noises at all about being unhappy with her body, wait for a good time and say something like this: “You know when you said that you’re fed up of not fitting into your clothes, well I know that life is hectic now but if you had some space to do something about that, would you want to? If you would, then let’s talk about how we can make that happen. Your life is full on and there’s little or no space left for you, but we’re in this together so we can figure out how I can help make that space. Please know that I love you as you are, to me you are beautiful inside and out. But if you’d like to make some changes then let’s figure it out. Would that help?” Then find out what her obstacles are in her own mind and that will help shape the plan that the two of you can come up with. In time, a very useful practical thing would be to consider getting her a gift of something like a personal shopper who can show her how to dress for her shape, both now and as that shape changes when she gets fitter. The larger shops and shopping centres will have a personal shopper who knows the stock and can teach her how to dress for her shape. For an appointment with Niamh, visit niamhfitzpatrickpsychology.ie. To engage her as a speaker for your event or company, go to outlaw.ie.
Dancing With The Stars continues on RTE tonight, and we were joined by one of its professional dancers to get an insight into the competition. John Nolan spoke to Neil about how he and dance partner Deirdre O'Kane are getting on.
Some of Ireland's top businesswomen are about to embark on a challenge which will see them trek 150 km north of the Arctic circle over six days. It's all in aid of DEBRA Ireland, a charity which supports people living with the extremely painful skin condition EB. We spoke to Judith Gilsenan, DEBRA's Head of Fundraising, and former Irish rugby captain Carole Ann Clarke, who are among the participants.
New Podcast recommendation: “Reply All”It features stories about how people shape the internet, and how the internetshapes people. All of the stories that start on the internet and they investigatethem.It is hosted by Alex Godman and PJ Vogt. FestivalsThe 5 lamps arts festival It starts tomorrow & lasts 5 days with over 100 artists. The whole program of events is available at fivelamparts.ie Gigs Tickets are on sale for the St. Paddy's Day Comic Relief Gala at the 3 Arena on St. Patrick's Day on 17th Match - the lineup includes Foil Arms and Hog, Jason Byrne, Tommy Tiernan, Pj, Alison Spittle, Deirdre O’kane and many more. TV Donal Skehan returns on Thursday at 7:30pm on RTE2. Donal's meals inminutes - all his meals are easy to make and are cooked in one pot. NetflixWhitney Can I Be Me? Documentary has been added to Netflix. Film-maker Nick broomfield goes in search of the forces that made and then subsequentlydestroyed Whitney Houston. Listen below to hear Gearoid discuss these recommendations & many more with Neil earlier today.
Irish actress Saoirse Ronan is nominated for her 3rd Academy Award at just 23 years old for her performance in Ladybird, but will it be third time lucky? John Maguire joins Neil to predict who will win big at this year's Academy Awards which take place tonight, Sunday March 4th.
Hi Neil and Niamh, I'm with my boyfriend for nearly 3 years and we're in the process of movingin together. We're very happy and life is good, except for one issue thatarises all the time. I want to have a baby but he's not sure that it's what hewants. I have nieces and nephews and he loves them and he's great withthem when we mind them for the weekend. But still he says that he doesn'tknow if he wants to be a father himself. What do I do? He's not getting anymore sure about this each time we talk about it and I don't know what'sgoing to happen when we get to farther down the line. I'm 33 and he is 35.Please help.________________________________________________ Advice:1. Whilst most people think of having a baby, actually you are having aperson. It is about raising another human being, initially for 18 years butreally having responsibility and input until the day that you take yourown last breath. So, some people want to be parents and that’s ok. Forothers this is not for them and that’s ok too. What you need to do isfigure out if your boyfriend is one of these people or if in fact he wouldlike to be a parent but has some reservations that are surmountable buthe just isn’t sure how to do that.2. He has been clear in saying straight out that he’s not sure, so he is nothiding anything, but you need to establish if this is something that youtwo can resolve or not. So, go to him and say something like this:“We’re about to move in together and to start the next chapter of ourlives and it would be good to revisit the topic of having a baby. We need to be on the same page with this as there is no in-between. So, can youlet me know when would be a good time for us to have a talk about it inmore depth than we have done before. This is not a confrontation, but aconversation, we just need to see where we’re both at on this”. 3. What you want to find out when you talk is how he feels about it on apractical and on an emotional level:ï‚· Does he actually have some interest in having a baby or is he justtalking about it because he knows that you want a baby?ï‚· What does he like/love the idea of re having a baby/being aparent?ï‚· What part is he unsure of?  Is he worried about being a good father? Is he concerned about the financial demands? Do the practical challenges re work /childcare worryhim? Does he have any worries about your relationship? What was his own experience of being parented like? Does he perceive his parents were happy in thatrole? Has he a good relationship with his own parents?ï‚· What (if anything) would make him more comfortable about beinga father? Talk to him, listen to him, really tune in and hear what he has to say andit will tell you whether this is a man who actually just doesn’t want tohave children or if he does but sees obstacles that he cannot move outof the way. If it is the second, then you can work together to see how hecan be more comfortable with having a baby. 4. If during this conversation you discover that actually your boyfriendreally doesn’t want to have children of his own, then you need to sit andthink about a few things yourself.ï‚· If in years to come you have your boyfriend but the window haspassed for you to have children, how would you feel?ï‚· Would the relationship be enough for you or would you resenthaving passed on your own dreams to be a mother in order to bewith this man?ï‚· Can you see a life without children?ï‚· Can you see a life without your boyfriend?ï‚· Can you imagine ending this relationship, meeting someone elseand having children with them? Give these questions some consideration and see what emerges for you,your own true feelings will tend to come through. What is important isthat you don’t ignore this issue because it won’t resolve on its own, it islikely to need input. Without resolution and agreement, the scenariosare not desirable and resentment may abound on either side. 5. If you need a bit of guidance on this then consult with a relationshiptherapist. www.psychologicalsociety.ie or www.iacp.ie to source.Margaret Dunne (www.sextherapydublin.com) or Allison Keating(www.bwell.ie) are both excellent. __________________________________________ ï‚· For an individual appointment with Niamh:niamhfitzpatrickpsychology.ieï‚· To engage Niamh as a speaker for your event or company:outlaw.ieï‚· Send Agony Aunt problems to:problem@todayfm.com
James Richardson is a journalist and presenter who has previously presented The Guardian's 'Football Weekly' podcast is the current host of "The Totally Football Show". James spoke to Neil Delamere this morning about his Totally Football Live podcast which he is taking on the road. James and The Totally Football Show team will be in Dublin's Vicar Street on March 19th. Tickets are €25 and are available through www.thetotallyfootballshow.com
Copper Face Jacks is arguably the most famous nightclub in Ireland. The scene of many a blossoming love story, It’s now the scene of new production ‘Copper Face Jacks: The Musical’. The multi award winning journalist, author and creator of ‘Ross O’Carroll Kelly’, Paul Howard joined Neil to tell him what it’s all about. Copper Face Jacks: The Musical runs at the Olympia Theatre, Dublin from July 5th and tickets are priced €28 plus booking fee. Tickets are on sale now from Ticketmaster.ie.
Looking for a good podcast to listen to, series to watch, or gig to go to? Gearóid Farrelly joined us once again with his guide to the best of the week's entertainment. Podcasts West Cork - available on Audible Festivals Scene and Heard - Smock Alley, Dublin Chinese New Year Festival - featuring Chinese comedian Ken Cheng at the International Bar, Friday at 7pm Gigs Kyle Minogue - 3Arena, Dublin, 7 October (tickets on sale this Friday) St. Paddy's Day Comic Relief Gala - 3Arena, 17 March (tickets on sale now) Netflix My Next Guest Needs No Introduction with David Letterman - The new episode features George Clooney Seven Seconds - The story of the murder of a 15-year-old boy in New Jersey and a police cover-up
We all define ourselves by our profession. But what if your job was demeaning, poorly paid and tedious? James Bloodworth is a journalist who spent six months undercover living and working across Britain, taking on the country's most gruelling low paid jobs. He has written a book about this experiences called Hired: Six Months Undercover in Low-Wage Britain, and joined us to discuss it. Hired: Six Months Undercover in Low-Wage Britain will be available in Ireland from 1 March.
The animated sitcom has proved very popular over the years, from The Simpsons and Family Guy to Rick and Morty. But surprisingly there's never been a series like this set in Ireland, until now. Ends Meet is RTE's first ever animated sitcom for adults. The new series of 12 half-hour episodes is currently airing on RTE 2 on Monday nights at 11.35pm. We were joined in studio by its creator and star, Mark Baldwin, who told us more about the show's origins.
This week our resident agony aunt Niamh Fitzpatrick had some advice for a listener struggling with depression and exhaustion since having children seven years ago. Hi Neil and Niamh, I am feeling very low, overwhelmed and exhausted and probably have been since I had my kids 7 years ago, I think I may have had post-natal depression that went untreated. I am just getting worse and it’s been going on so long I don’t know how to ask for help. I tried to tell my GP twice, the first time he said I was just tired and the second he gave me a prescription for anti-depressants. I didn’t take them and tried to up my exercise which helped a little, though I’m not able to exercise at the moment and that isn’t helping. I have two great kids, I work full time and I have a partner. I don’t get too much help with the kids/house/anything really. I’m everyone’s shoulder to cry on, everyone calls on me for favours and I feel like I’m invisible as no-one is interested unless they need something. I get annoyed that not one person in my life will ask me how I am, or if I’m ok. I tried counselling once before and I was on cloud nine after the first session, I had found someone who was going to help, she really got me. The second session started with ‘so I thought we covered everything last week, is there anything else?’ - I thought there was something wrong with me that I should have needed a second session. I don’t know where to start asking for help, I just desperately don’t want to feel like this anymore. I suffer badly with anxiety which is worse during the night and I spend a lot of nights up and willing myself not to just run away and disappear. Please help. ‘Invisible’. Niamh's Advice: You are depleted physically, mentally, emotionally. You have tried several times to seek help for how you feel but yet you find yourself stuck in this loop of depression, anxiety, loneliness and resentment, and that just adds to your feelings of despair. This can be resolved and you can feel better and have the kind of life and relationships that you would want. Think of it this way, when your children were babies / toddlers they didn’t just get up one day and walk and talk right away, it took time and many apparently failed attempts until they mastered walking and talking. Life can be the same and you made some excellent attempts to source help to feel better and they didn’t work out, but there are learnings in those attempts so they are not wasted. First, a combination of talk therapy and medication together can be very effective for a lot of people when it comes to moving through depression. Dr. Harry Barry (Flagging Depression: A Practical Guide) observes that anti-depressant medication can often “help someone to feel better so that they can get better” (e.g. via talk therapy). To be fair to them, your GP did hear you the last time you went to them, but the idea of anti-depressant tablets didn’t feel like a fit for you at that time. Anti-depressants are not needed all the time and nor are they right for everyone. But we need to get you back in front of a GP to have an updated conversation about where you are now and to hear more about medication and its possible role in getting you feeling better, so that you can get better. If you go back to your own GP, then say something like this: “I am feeling low, over-whelmed and exhausted, I am really struggling right now and I need help. You prescribed me anti-depressants last time but I just wasn’t sure about taking them. I tried the exercise route to improve my mood but that is no longer an option. Can you help me understand a bit more about anti-depressants and see if they might be useful for me now?” Perhaps ask when booking if you could have a double slot if you feel that the usual amount of time is insufficient to be able to talk about this properly and see if they could accommodate. If need recommendations are in Dublin then some who are excellent:
Dr. Eleanor Galvin (Rosemount Family Doctors, Rathfarnham, 01 4946369). Dr. Susan Jordan (Hastings Surgery, Sandyford, 01 2956744). Dr. Rachel Mackey (Women’s Health Clinic, Dun Laoghaire, 01 2300556).
Secondly, in tandem with this, ask the GP or source yourself a psychologist or CBT therapist to work with so that you can develop the skills that will help you to get better. They will work though the feelings of depression and anxiety with you & help develop skills. I am talking about things like:
Understanding the emotions you’ve felt since becoming a mother Realising how depression and anxiety can distort perceptions (e.g. previous counselling sessions & GP experience) Knowing what you need in order to be physically & emotionally well Asking for what you need (at home etc) Setting boundaries (being unavailable for favours) Getting the balance in relationships (both give & take) Stopping behaviours that are keeping you stuck in this cycle Self care (time & space for you as a person in your own right) Identifying triggers back to anxiety/depression Putting a comprehensive health plan in place for yourself
Check out www.psychologicalsociety.ie to find a psychologist or www.cbti.ie to find a Cognitive Behavioural Therapist in your area. Phone to talk to them before making an appointment to check that they have experience in dealing with these matters. Even in that brief chat it will help you have a sense of whether it feels like a fit. Next, have you any opportunities to have some time off work? Just to recharge, to allow you a bit of space to get back on your feet. My feeling is that the GP might even suggest signing you off for a short while, if they do then take that opportunity. Trying to get yourself better whilst continuing to deliver on all fronts is like trying to catch a ball when your hands are full, something is going to drop. Then, you say that you don’t get much help with the kids/ house etc, this needs a conversation with your partner to address it so that things are more balanced in this regard. Talk to them and say something like this: “In ways this will be like me changing the rules in the middle of the game as I have probably gone about life without saying much, so you may think that I am ok with how things are in the house. But I am struggling, really wrestling with life right now. My mood is low, I feel over-whelmed and exhausted. I need some help. I am going to see the doctor and also to a therapist and they will help me find my feet again. But I also need things to change in the house as I can’t continue doing the lion’s share, something is going to give very soon. I am saying this in observation, not in judgement, we’ve gotten ourselves into this pattern and routine but it needs to change urgently or we will have a real problem on our hands. So, can we pick a time to talk about what we can do to take some of the load off me as currently it is bringing me under.” During that conversation, as well as your partner contributing more, consider practical things such as having your food shop done online and perhaps even having someone in to clean your house, these will all take some time back for you. You tell us that you are “everyone’s shoulder to cry on” and that “not one person” in your life will ask how you are doing. Sometimes when you are that person that everyone goes to, people can forget that you have feelings too. But you can put them right on that. Consider who in your circle of family or friends is the person who has shown that they would be most likely to hear what you are saying. Tell them that actually you need a bit of support now, that you are not asking them to ‘fix’ you but just to be aware that you are going through a hard time at the moment. See what they do with this. If they get it and support you then great, if they continue to ask of you, then push back and say no. Remember that sometimes saying yes to someone else means that we say no to ourselves. If you resist saying no to others then ask yourself some questions that might make you reconsider your position:
What is the price that I’m paying for being liked? Why am I ok with depleting my children’s mother? What do I think will actually happen if I ask for support rather than always give it? What am I teaching my children if they see their mother not value herself?
Finally, know that you deserve a better life than to be feeling low, over-whelmed and exhausted. You asked for help so you know this yourself deep down. But know now that you are absolutely right to seek a better balance in life for yourself than this. So, tell yourself that whilst the path may not have been smooth, the destination will be worth it. With the right medical and professional support combination, back-up in your personal life, some practical changes, and a new skillset, you can reclaim your life. For an appointment with Niamh go to niamhfitzpatrickpsychology.ie or email your problem to problem@todayfm.com. To engage Niamh as a speaker for your company, visit outlaw.ie
Last year we did a call-out for submissions to an exhibition at the Science Gallery, and the results are here! FAKE is a free exhibition that examines fakery in all its forms. It examines the ideas of authenticity and copying, and making something different out of what we traditionally think of when we think of the word 'fake'. Aisling Murray is exhibitions producer at the Science Gallery. She joined us to explain more about what we can expect. The exhibition opens on 2 March and runs until 3 June. The full list of exhibits will be available at dublin.sciencegallery.com/fake from 1 March.
The Audi Dublin International Film Festival is now in its sixteenth year, showing a range of Irish and international films and hosting stars from all over the world. A film festival schedule can be overwhelming to get your head around, so to make things a little easier, we were joined by Sunday Times film critic Katy Hayes to go through some of the highlights.
Looking for something exciting to do this week but don't know where to start? Gearoid Farrelly was back to give us his weekly 'what's on' guide. Listen back here and see below for a full list of Gearoid's podcast, live entertainment and Netflix recommendations. Podcasts Atlanta Monster Gigs Hothouse Flowers - Vicar Street, Dublin (Thursday) PJ Gallagher - Vicar Street, Dublin (Saturday) Morrissey - 3Arena, Dublin (Tuesday) Tellytubbies - Cork Opera House (Wednesday/Thursday) Corofin Dramatic Society present Maggie - Glor, Ennis (Sunday/Monday) Aslan - Cork Opera House (Friday/Saturday) Roald Dahl's George's Marvellous Medicine - Grand Opera House, Belfast (all week) Neil Delamere - Millennium Forum, Derry, Saturday & Midlands Park Hotel, Portlaoise, Sunday Katherine Ryan supported by Niamh Marron - The Olympia, Dublin, Saturday & Ulster Hall, Belfast, Sunday Theatre Vanessa Redgrave public interview - The Gate, Dublin (Sunday 4 March) Netflix Queer Eye for the Straight Guy
Have you been following the feud between former Sex and the City stars Kim Cattrall and Sarah Jessica Parker? Aoife Barry from thejournal.ie joined us earlier to give the lowdown on what happened, and we also asked her to talk us through some of the other famous TV feuds.
You may know actor Rory Nolan from the hilarious Ross O'Carroll-Kelly stage plays and TV shows such as Acceptable Risk, but he has many other strings to his bow. He is currently playing the role of Pozzo in Druid's acclaimed production of Samuel Beckett's Waiting for Godot, which sets off on a five-week tour of Ireland this week before beginning a run in the United States. Rory joined us this afternoon to talk about taking on Beckett and some of his other work.
Our resident agony aunt Niamh Fitzpatrick joins us every week to offer advice to listeners on a range of problems. This week she addressed the issue of a married man who has strong feelings for another woman. Dear Neil and Niamh, I'm not really sure if you can help me or not. It might just help me to figure things out if I write it down to you. I'm a married man, married for 10 years and together for about 4 years before that. I can’t say for sure that I was ever totally in love with my wife. I do love her but am maybe not IN love with her. Anyway, about a year ago I started chatting to women on social media, just for fun at the start. Then I meet this one woman and we were making plans to meet up for coffee, but we just couldn't get our times sorted. While waiting to get our schedules together she met a fella on a night out, she fell for him but we kept chatting. I felt we had a great connection. We eventually did meet up for a day and I really fell for her that day. We have so much in common, she really ticks all the boxes for me and we have been chatting every day since. But she has really fallen for this other guy and they are going steady now. We still talk every day and we are really good mates, but I still have strong feelings for her. I can't get her out of my head. I told her yesterday that I wasn't going text her for a few weeks. I feel as though I've cut off my right arm though. I know that even if she wanted me, I couldn't leave my life here. But how do I get over her? It's all in my head but it's torturing me. I'd be so happy for any small bit of advice you could give me. Niamh's Advice: Most people hearing your email will now be saying “REALLY?” as they wonder how you can feel tortured about a woman that you cannot have because she is with someone else, while all the time you are married yourself and therefore not available anyway. But from your wider communication it’s clear that you are a decent man who is just not seeing what is really going on here, rather than being a serial player. So, my first piece of advice is to step back and read your email as though it were written by someone else and see it as we can all see it. Re-write it in the third person, change some details, then see it for what it is. Because what’s going on here is that this other woman is a distraction that allows you to put your head in the sand about your marriage. The torture you feel may be a sadness not necessarily just about this woman, but about you not having been in love up to now. So, my second piece of advice is that I want you to see this whole thing as a signal that you have emotions that need your attention – not that it is simply that you prefer one woman over the other, there’s more layers to this than that. Thirdly therefore, you need to take the focus off any torture you feel about this other woman and deal with your marriage first. You told us about not being in love with your wife and then you said “Anyway” and went on to tell us about meeting this other woman. But your wife and your marriage aren’t an ‘anyway’. They are front and centre stage and if something is wrong in the marriage then your first port of call is to address this. It may not be easy, or pleasant, but it is the right thing to do. You love your wife but are not in love with her, but in honour of the love that you do feel for her, don’t you owe her more than ignoring the issues and looking elsewhere? You have loved this woman for a decade and a half, so a bit of time and investment can either invigorate this marriage or if it is to end it could end it without adding to the pain. So, my next bit of advice is to talk to your wife, see how she feels in the marriage, get a barometer for where things are in her heart. You are there in the house but you aren’t present with her so she is unlikely to be happy with the marriage, but see where she’s at and start from there. It would be useful for you both to consider seeing a relationship therapist. Check out www.iacp.ie (Irish Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy) to find a relationship therapist in your area or if you are Dublin based check out MargaretDunne (www.sextherapydublin.com) or Allison Keating (www.bwell.ie), both are excellent. It would also be worth you getting a book called "I love you but I’m not in love with you” by relationship therapist Andrew G. Marshall. It will shed further light on what is happening and what can be done. Next, you and this other woman aren’t really ‘mates’, you are two people who like each other on several levels (mates included) but who are skirting around the possibility of something more happening. BUT, you are not available right now. So, help yourself by pushing your not texting thing out to farther than a few weeks. You don’t need to feel like it in order to be able to do the behaviour that you know is right – which is to step away from this other woman, let her be with this guy she met and you go put your own house in order. That is the emotionally smart thing to do here. The behaviour of re-engaging in the contact will maintain the feelings of torture, so ceasing contact will help you to get over her. Finally, give yourself a break. You didn’t get to the point of a full-on affair with this woman (even though emotionally you are absolutely invested in her) so if you can see this as a wake-up call and address the issues in the marriage to resolve them one way or another, then that is at least treating your wife and your marriage with the respect they deserve. Otherwise if you continue with contact with the other woman, you will end up having an affair, getting found out, losing her as she will likely leave in the complicated fallout and your marriage will end acrimoniously. Whatever moments of pleasure that relationship might bring they are not worth that, so please listen to the advice and take action now. It is possible for you to be happy, just go about it in a useful way. For an appointment with Niamh, go to niamhfitzpatrickpsychology.ie or if you want her advice on the show, email problem@todayfm.com You can also book Niamh as a speaker for your event or company by visiting outlaw.ie
Urban foxes are on the increase and can often be seen roaming the streets and taking up residence in our gardens and housing estates. But how much do you know about them? Are they pests, or just misunderstood? And what should you do if you see one? Biologist and environmental consultant Éanna Ní Lamhna joined us to help separate the facts from the myths when it comes to urban foxes.
On paper, the story of an actress and a homeless man who meet on a park bench and fall in love reads like the plot of a romantic film, but their story is far from fiction. Emmy Abrahamson has written a novel based on the incredible story of how she ended up marrying a homeless man she met on a park bench in Amsterdam. Emmy spoke to us about the book, How To Fall In Love With A Man Who Lives In A Bush.
Looking for something fun to do this week? Our producer Daniel Cahill gave us his guide to the best podcasts, series and gigs. Listen Santaland Diaries on YouTube An Evening with David Sedaris - Sunday 8th July, 7.00pm Music Franz Ferdinand – Olympia, Sunday 11thThe Scottish indie rockers are back on the road in support of their new album ‘Always Ascending’. They played Leisureland in Galway last night and are at the Olympia tonight. Paul Simon tickets go on sale tomorrow - Final farewell tour The legendary musician will take to the stage in the RDS on Friday, July 13 with support from James Taylor and Bonnie Raitt. Watch Netflix - Seeing Allred (Available from 9 February) A warrior for change. A lightning rod for controversy. Gloria Allred has devoted 40 years to asserting and protecting the rights of women, overcoming personal trauma, media scrutiny, and powerful men. Rita Danish Comedy 4 Series. Following the life of a very outspoken and rebellious woman, Rita is a school teacher who is competent in the classroom, but seems to need a teacher of her own when it comes to her personal life. ALL4 Drifters series 1 - 4 Meg, Laura, and Bunny. Meg and Bunny come back from their GAP year.
There's been a lot of talk this week about Cheddar Man - but who or what is he? You'd be forgiven for thinking he's the latest Marvel superhero. But he's actually one of the first modern Britons who lived 10,000 years ago, and he had dark skin and blue eyes. To tell us more about Cheddar Man's origins, we were joined by Dan Bradley, Professor in Population Genetics at Trinity College Dublin.
Our resident agony aunt Niamh Fitzpatrick joins us every week to give listeners advice on a whole range of problems. This week, Niamh helped someone who has become disheartened as they search for a new job. Dear Neil and Niamh, I am out of work a few months now and it’s really affecting me personally. I love working and have always worked really hard, so I suppose I am harboring feelings of failure and disappointment. I have always been very self-aware and I can see how much my confidence has been knocked and it’s becoming more and more challenging as time goes on to avoid becoming paranoid and down. I am really giving job hunting efforts 100% but I am feeling lost. It feels like my career plan has gone up in smoke and if I am completely honest, I feel angry because I worked way too hard to be here. I have no money for nights out and lunch catch ups so it can become isolating and boring. I know I need to be dishing out positive vibes to the universe to be landing a job that excites me but I feel like I've lost my spark. I love what I do but it's very tough to get a job in the area I want to work in and I am at a cross roads between "hang in there, there’s something amazing just around the corner" and "give it up, sell out and just take a job for the money and get your excitement elsewhere". Thanks for your help. Niamh's Advice: Work gives us a sense of purpose, lets us make a difference, earn money, and also feel connected. You feel like you have lost your spark and that’s because you have lost these benefits that work gives us and some of your spark went with them. That’s understandable, but the key is recognise that your current situation is temporary. We just need to ensure that you are going about this job search in the most effective way possible. First, getting a job in the area you want to work in may be tough, but it is not impossible. Consider the following to ensure that you are giving yourself the absolute best chance of success:
Do you know which employers are actually hiring in this area? Do you know exactly what these employers are looking for? Who is getting the roles that you are not successful in? Are there gaps between what those who get hired have and what you have? If so, how can you bridge those gaps? Are you getting to the interview stage or not getting past the initial application stage? Depending on which one applies, where can you get assistance to bring your skill level up, either in your application or interview? What’s your plan B? Is there an alternative area of work that may not be your number one choice but that is also not going to the other extreme of choosing a job only for the money
Next, we need to look at your thinking, because whilst it is wholly understandable that you would be feeling disheartened, disillusioned and angry, it’s important that you don’t let those feelings influence your thinking and mindset. For example, you say that you feel like your “career plan has gone up in smoke”, but that mindset is generating a drop in your mood. A more useful way to look at this would be to see it as a temporary setback rather than an end to your career plan, that it is unfortunate but it’s a semi colon rather than a full stop. Your email suggests that you may be an ‘all or nothing’ kind of thinker (even the ‘workaholic’ part suggests this), so we need to adjust that. In times of difficulty, if you can’t make it better (i.e. undo you being out of a job) then at least don’t make it worse (assuming that this is the end of your career). Then, talk to family and friends and tell them that you are finding it very difficult and that you would really appreciate their support. This is about feeling connected, not feeling isolated. Real relationships are not about expensive nights out, they are about being there for one another in the good times and the bad. This is a difficult time for you and some support will help you through it, so ask for it. The Cycle Against Suicide tag line doesn’t only apply to depression and suicide, it is applicable to all emotional states – “It’s Ok to Not Feel Ok” and “It’s Absolutely Ok to Ask for Help”. You have come to us for help so take that advice now and go a step further and ask your family and friends for help also. Next, be sure to practice excellent self-care - fresh air, exercise, good food, sleep, rest etc – all will help nourish you to enable you to handle the stress of this challenging time. Finally, consider doing a piece of volunteering work. This will benefit you in several ways:
Helps you do some good and feel that you are making a difference. Gives you a break from job-hunting. Provides you with a purpose other than job-hunting. Builds your skillset (people and other skills). Gives you additional connections in being part of a team. Shows you other people’s perspective (you aren’t the only one with challenges)
Rather than dishing out positive vibes or hanging on to see if something good comes around the corner, consider the advice above and review in four weeks and see where you are and how you feel. For an appointment with Niamh, go to niamhfitzpatrickpsychology.ie. You can send your problems to her by emailing problem@todayfm.com
On average 22,000 couples get married in Ireland every year. But marriage is not for everyone. Some people see it as an old-fashioned institution that has no place in modern society. Journalist Larissa Nolan and Laura Cunningham, editor of Confetti Magazine, joined us to give their thoughts on this most ancient of practices.
Formula One recently announced that it will end its long-standing association with 'Grid Girls' after the current season. The practice has been denounced as being "at odds with modern-day societal norms." Rosemary Smith is an Irish racing legend and Ireland's first female rally driver. She joined us in studio this morning to give her thoughts on the ban - is it a move in the right direction for equality or a step backwards for feminism?
Andy Summers is best known as one-third of legendary band The Police. The Grammy award winning guitarist is coming to Ireland as part of his world tour in support of his 14th studio album, Triboluminescence. Ahead of the concerts, Andy spoke to Joe Donnelly about the album, his music, his time in The Police - and whether there's any chance they could play together again. Andy will play Cork Opera House on 16 May, Dublin's Vicar Street on 17 May and Belfast's Ulster Hall on 18 May. Tickets for all gigs are on sale now.
Looking for something fun to do this week? Producer Daniel Cahill gives his guide to the best podcasts, live events and Netflix series to get stuck into.
This week sees the release of what could be Daniel Day Lewis's final film outing, Phantom Thread. He plays a renowned dressmaker in 1950s London who falls for a French waitress. It's directed by Paul Thomas Anderson We were joined by film critic John Maguire, who discussed the film and looked at some of the other works of Paul Thomas Anderson.
Our resident agony aunt Niamh Fitzpatrick was back this morning to give advice to a listener worried about their grandmother, who is depressed but won’t accept help. Dear Neil and Niamh, What do you do when someone in your life really needs help but won't accept it? Since my granddad passed away several years ago, my grandmother has become depressed, anxious, reclusive, passively suicidal and reckless with her health. Our family have tried to help her and be there for her but she won't accept help from us or seek professional help. She now seems to be developing dementia and it has exacerbated everything that I mentioned above. Now she really is more at risk of accidentally hurting herself in her confusion and being unable to look after herself, but she won't let us help her or go see a doctor. She just wants to lie down and die, but dementia doesn't kill you quickly. We don't want to watch her slowly decline in indignity. We're at our wits end and we don't know what to do. Your advice would be greatly appreciated. Many thanks. This was Niamh’s advice: The first thing to say is that this may be the first time that your family has experienced this situation, but there are people who do have experience of this and who can help you manage it. This is very frightening and so distressing for you all, getting the right support and guidance will ease one level of that distress. In several ways your grandmother’s capacity to take care of herself is compromised right now. In some circumstances there is of course an argument for respecting a person’s wishes about what happens in their own life, but in this instance if she is unable to care for herself you need to step in. This will be difficult but leaving her to her own devices is not a compassionate and humane option. A good first port of call would be for one of the family to talk to your grandmother’s GP. General Practitioners come across such situations in their practice and they will be a useful source of information in terms of options and what to try first. For example, would they do a house visit and assess your grandmother for themselves? Depression is so debilitating and it colours how we see the world. Added to the start of dementia and she really needs an assessment to identify what precisely is involved. Your grandmother’s local Public Health Nurse would be another useful place to consider contacting. They work with the elderly in the community and so like the GP they will have come across this situation before and will have experience in handling it so that your grandmother gets the care that she needs. Find them at her local health centre. Also check out www.understandtogether.ie – a HSE resource that gives information and guidance about dementia. Under the ‘Get Support’ section you will find a ‘Find Service Provider’ option that allows you to access useful resources in your grandmother’s location. You can also phone them on 1800 341 341 to talk to someone about dementia. If someone is unable to look after their own affairs because of illness or injury, in Irish Law there is a facility for them to be made a Ward of Court, whereby the High Court looks after their welfare and assets. If someone is made a Ward, the court will appoint a committee to oversee the day to day welfare of the person; family members can be on this committee. So, if things got to the point at some stage whereby your grandmother was deemed incapable of looking after herself and her affairs to the degree that the law needed to step in, then this option is there to ensure that she is looked after properly. Finally, be sure to look after yourselves in all this. The worry and stress of watching your beloved grandmother so clearly distressed over the past few years since your grandfather died is significant. Chronic stress is not good for us so, look after yourselves in terms of balance in your own lives too, it will help you have the capabilities navigate through this time. For an appointment with Niamh, visit niamhfitzpatrickpsychology.ie or send your agony aunt problems to problem@todayfm.com
First up this morning, we had our weekly review of the Sunday papers. Paul Anthony McDermott was Neil's guest in studio to look at some of the stories making headlines.
Camogie star Anna Geary is used to winning All-Ireland titles with Cork - but she's currently taking on a new challenge, appearing on RTE's Dancing With The Stars. Anna and her professional dance partner Kai Widdrington joined Neil in studio to talk about the journey so far.
First Dates Ireland is back for a new series, helping Irish people of all ages and backgrounds to find love. Mateo Saina and Alice Marr are Maitre D and waitress respectively of the First Dates restaurant. They joined Neil in studio to discuss the new series and what makes the perfect first date.
Our agony aunt Niamh Fitzpatrick joined us this Sunday to give some advice to a listener dealing with a break-up. Her ex-partner ended the relationship due to trust issues, having been hurt in the past. Hi Neil and Niamh, I am a 41-year-old girl who recently broke up from a really good relationship. I had finally met someone 2 years ago who was kind, genuine, honest, trustworthy and was someone with similar values to me. We got on fantastically well, we were so compatible, everyone even said that we were so well suited. He is divorced and has self-esteem issues from his marriage break-up (his ex had been having affairs), but this wasn’t obvious at the start. He became very negative about us and said that we were ‘too good to last’… ‘how could a girl like me be with him’…. etc. The reasons he gave for the break up were pathetic excuses. He was looking for problems, making problems out of small things. He said he didn’t feel we had a future. He was upset. I told him how I felt about him and about the future with him in it. I am beginning to get really cross with him - he left something really good. I’m an attractive girl with a great job; I’m genuine, honest, caring, kind, and I’d never ever hurt him. I feel he wasted so much of my time and my life. At times I hate him for it and hate him for not moving on with his life either. If he wanted to move on maybe I could have been part of it, but he seems stuck in the past. How could he not appreciate me and all the love, respect, kindness and understanding I gave him these past 2 years? How can anyone walk away from that especially after being through a marriage of being lied to and being treated badly? How can I get over this and how can I date again? I really miss him and I love him so much. We were best friends. I thought he was the one... I just can’t get over this one... This was Niamh's advice: What’s Going On: There is a possibility that after two years together and following a marriage previous to that, he now wants some time to be free to be on his own or to date others and these reasons for the breakup are indeed just excuses. OR More likely that he has attributed his ex-wife’s infidelity to him not being good enough and in addition he has generalised from that relationship and formed opinions on all relationships based on this one. In this case his reasons for the break-up would be authentic from his perspective. What To Do: Firstly, in life we make attributions all the time. ‘I failed the exam because I am stupid’ or ‘I failed the exam because I didn’t study’. Depending on what we attribute an outcome to, our confidence, motivation and indeed self esteem can be impacted one way or the other. So, it is about making sure that our attributions are accurate, realistic and useful. This applies to both your ex and to you in this situation. Realise that he may well have appreciated how you were with him, but if he fell into the trap of believing that he had shortcomings that resulted in his ex-wife cheating, then he was not fully receptive to all that. Sometimes people just don’t believe that they are worth it. He may well have appreciated it all, but the fear of things not working out again were probably greater than whatever feelings of happiness he had. So, he walked away from the good things between you because deep down he holds a belief that he is not good enough and that relationships don’t work out. Perhaps he also had ‘evidence’ to support this belief from his own parents’ marriage. So, in your mind don’t throw away those 2 years and jump to the conclusion that he didn’t appreciate them or have real feelings. Don’t make his mistake and think that it was down to you not being good enough. Secondly, given how you feel, I think that one last conversation with your ex is worth a try. So, say to him something like this: “I cannot force you to want to be with me, nor would I want to. But on reflection I just want to say one thing. If you believe that you are not good enough, that you don’t deserve a relationship, and that actually relationships don’t work out, then I cannot change those beliefs. But I can tell you that I know for sure that they are not accurate. I can also tell you that it is possible for you to hold different beliefs on this and to feel differently about yourself and about relationships. And if there is even a small part of you that wonders if I am right on this, then consider contacting a relationship therapist or a CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapist) for a few sessions to see if there’s anything in what I say. If you have any interest at all in feeling differently to how you do now, then what have you got to lose except a few hours of your time and a relatively small outlay of money? I will respect your wishes if you decide that this is not worth checking out, but please consider what I have said”. Thirdly, decide now that you will not make the same mistake that your ex-boyfriend appears to be making. Do not generalise from this and assume that all men are like this or that all relationships are like this. Be accurate with your language and keep this contained – ‘that relationship with that man did not work out’. Also, be accurate in your language overall – “I just can’t get over this one” is not useful. Think more accurately – “I am really hurting because I love him, this may take time”. It acknowledges the pain but does not assume the outcome. Next, give yourself time and space to recover after the break-up before you consider dating again. Be kind to yourself. Rest. Exercise. Fresh air. Connections with people who you love and who love you back. Fun. Different experiences. Connections. Small challenges that spark your interest. This all allows you time to feel the feelings of sadness and anger but also shows you that there is a whole world out there for you when you are ready. If you feel that some sessions with a relationship therapist yourself might be helpful then check out the Psychological Society of Ireland (www.psihq.ie) for a Counselling Psychologist or Irish Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy (www.iacp.ie) to find a therapist. Given your age there may be concerns there about being a mother on top of the break-up issue, so if you do have any worries about this aspect of things then do seek professional help. Finally, gather support around you by asking family and friends to just help you through this. Feeling supported, we can handle a lot of things, so ask for that from loved ones. For an appointment with Niamh, go to niamhfitzpatrickpsychology.ie. If you'd like some advice from her on the show, email problem@todayfm.com