The Narcissist in Your Life Podcast: Recent Episodes
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
The Narcissist in Your Life Podcast is hosted by Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.,, LMFT, specializing in the narcissistic personality, She offers in-depth information about the origins and psychodynamics of the narcissistic personality and strategies and practices for those psychologically and emotionally abused by narcissistic personalities through her global podcasts (The Narcissist in Your Life Podcast) her books:: Recovering and Healing After the Narcissist and Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life.
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Copy the link below and paste into your browser for The Mental Health News Network
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Freeing Yourself From the Narcissist in Your Life
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Recovering and Healing After the Narcissist
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Freeing Yourself From the Narcissist in Your Life
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Copy the link below and paste it in your browser for The Mental Health News Network
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Freeing Yourself From the Narcissist in Your Life
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Running a fever is a sign that we are fighting an infection. Your temperature rises; you are very hot. Your sweat glands activate and you cool down. Your fever has broken and you are in the process of healing.
The high level narcissist's avarice has no boundaries, no controlling force.
The lust for money and power in the high level narcisist is a fever, a sickness, a perverse uncontained pursuit.
Avarice is the singular preoccupation for many high level narcissists.
It isn't knowledge, wisdom, insight or inner peace they are seeking. It is knowing that they have achieved their greatest goal---wealth and material largesse.
In this obsessive pursuit the high level narcissist doesn't stop victimizing others, disrupting their lives, leaving them without monetary means, causing etreme duress, anxiety and worry.
Studying and researching the high level narcissist provides you with the insight to recognize and successfully deal with these money vultures.
Study their character traits and patterns of behavior and thinking. Learn to dis-entangle yourself from the avarice fevered high level narcissist. Practice self care each day, Exercise your intuitive gifts. Honor your wisdom and fine character.
Click below for links to my books on Amazon
Freeing Yourself From the Narcissist in Your Life
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Recovering and Healing After the Narcissist
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From the time he/she was very young, the budding narcissist was convinced that he was brilliant, talented, master of social graces, resourceful, socially gifted at magnetizing people to him/her. Often the golden child, these individuals are exceedingly self entitled, overflowing with hubris.
They are convinced that they are perfect---superior to others in every respect. They don't develop a conscience and blame their dirty deeds on siblings, friends, family members, acquaintances, rivals, enemies.
High levels are "climbers", determined to reach the highest summits of monetary and professional largesse, to ingratiate themselves to the most moneyed power brokers and social movers and shakers.
They get their lietenants to do the dirty work. They come out of their misadventures without blemish or murmur. They cheat, steal, lie threaten, collude, betray, scheme---and never get caught.
Many fear that lying will bring down holy thunder and lightening. Not the high level narcissist.They take pleasure in mendacity---this is a familiar game to them.
Learn to recognize these vipers quickly.
Take your own pathway, that of the just, discerning, empathic. Your intellect is keen; your character is fine, your creative talents are many. You shine forth and chart your own course. The winds are at your back now. You see and feel the beauty and majesty of the blue waters of healing, restoration, transformation and creativity.
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Freeing Yourself From the Narcissist in Your Life
https://tinyurl.com/4jvjjrvj
Recovering and Healing After the Narcissist
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Grandiose, filled with hubris, extreme self adulation, the high level narcissist creates a series of personas that feed his/her delusons of ultimate power and perfection
Propeled by a lack of conscience, the high level narcissist sails past those who stand in his/her way to achieve master and control.
The high level has perfected the creation of a series of false seleves that showcase his/her perfection and omnipotence.
The high level possesses a dark venal shadow that ejects psychological venom on all those at hand.
This narcissist is a masterful fabricator of lies. He/she is persuasive and self rightous with their lies.
High level narcissists are thieves of your creative concepts, books, inventions. Their intentioin is to take your original material for themselves, monetize it and even discard you.
You are a truth seeker and have discovered the true nature of the high level narcissist. Listen to the wisdom of your intuition combined with your study of this personality disorder.
Put your attention on self care and self regard. Move forward with your many creative gifts and fine character as you rediscover your true, authentic, original self.
My books Freeing Yourself From the Narcissist in Your Life and Healing and Recovering After the Narcissist are available on Amazon.
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Classic narcissists, larger than life, bombastic, charismatic to some, sail through their days in the fast lane---always moving to their next cascade of narcissistic supply. If they are very successful they have more opportunities to be adored, praised and rewarded handsomely in this current world of rampant pathological narcissism. Those at the top of their games don't do the hardest work. They have adoring followers, psychologically dependent individuals, hangers on, at their beck and call.
If you have narcissists in your family, you are too keenly aware of how they demean you and/or ignore you or bith. If you are having a difficult time, they completely ignore what you are saying or they wonder what is the matter with you that you have caused such trouble for yourself.
Narcissists are peripatetic---They always have their engines running. They go from one project to the next, one trip to the next, one aquisition to the next, one full makeover to the next, one partner to the next, etc.
They get a kick out of running circles around you. They don't care about you one whit. They jauntily move along to constantly brag about themselves.
On some occasions the narcissist wonders out loud about what is wrong with you that you can't overcome your problems. After all, they did!
At a point of awakening you recognize that you are an adult in the process of healing and restoration from the classic high level narcissist.
You are entitled to practice self care each day. Rest, sleep, self love, Nature in all of its beauty, the gift of music. Do the work of healing every day. You deserve deep inner peace and the fulfillment of your many unique creative gifts.
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Empaths are highly perceptive, exquisitely sensitive individuals. They are finely attuned to their external and internal environments. They feel deeply and are often misunderstood by spouses, family members and the world at large. Empaths who are married or partnered with high level narcissists have a particularly difficult time.
Many of you grew up as children of narcissistic parents. Demands and reprimands were daily occurrences. Narcissistic mothers and fathers gave you the message that you didn't and couldn't measure up to their expectations. You felt irredeemably flawed. For making great efforts to obtain any attention, warmth, attachment, acceptance didn't work. You were looked upon with scorn even disgust.
Married to a high level narcissist you are at the mercy of their recriminations, criticisms, projections.
There is a time of awakening when you can no longer tolerate being controlled by the high level narcissist.
You can now move forward with self care: sleep and rest, movement and exercise, nourishing food, good hydration, Nature, developing your spiritual practice as you understand it, rediscovering your unique creativity, the fulfillment of your authentic, creative, true self.
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Shame is a dreadful, intolerable feeling, a visceral reaction that goes deep inside of us. Often, children carry their shame into adulthood, especially if they are raised by narcissistic parents. When we feel ashamed we want to disappear and hide where no one can find us.
The narcissistic parent expects perfection from his child. A child learns how to feel about himself/herelf through the loving attachment of the parent---the empathy, affection, acceptance of the son or daughter as a unique human being.
The child with the highly dysfunctional narcissistic parent is never permitted to be his/her authentic self---that wonderful spontaneous, creative, joyful individual that is expressing the real self. Instead, the narcissist projects shame onto his/her small child from the beginning--telling them that they are always wrong, stupid, unworthy, worthless.
Children raised in this psychological environment of being demeaned and humiliated feel deep shame inside themselves.
I have spoken to and heard from many of you who are in the process of healing the shame that has bound you and are on the road to rediscovering your true self and leading the life that you deserve. Remember to put the emphasis on taking very good care of yourself. Rest, Sleep, Eat Nourishing Food, Hydrate Well, Gentle yoga poses, Stretching, Beautiful Music listening, Time with Nature.
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"The narcissist is at all times a deceiver, never straight, clear or true. He/she has mastered the ability to delude himself and others. Like a socerer, he hatches intricate plots in secret..." (From: Freeing Yourself From the Narcissist in Your Life, Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D., LMFT).
For many years you played your role of partner and spouse to the high level narcissist, knowing that he/she was psychologically toxic. You are exhausted at all times. You have chronic insomnia and can't sleep at night. You get up in the morning and drag yourself through the day.
You are now full circle and heavy with exceptional exhaustion. In the past you jacked yourself up with coffee, plunged into exercise, distracted yourself with fantasies and long held wishes. The mental tricks have worn thin; they don't work anymore.
Remind yourself that you are genuine; you are not deluded. You are highly empathic and care deeply about the feelings of others - family members, friends.
Let the narcissistic world twirl by at ever increasing speeds as it goes nowhere.
Give yourself credit for being a true individual who is growing and evolving. Know that this is a process that takes time and effort and that you are moving toward developing a stronger, expanded true self.
Follow your unique path and pace. Practice self care - Rest, Sleep, Movement/Exercise, Nourishing Food, Listening to Calming Music, Spend time with Nature, the great healer.
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Each narcissist is unique in his or her inimitable way. We learn a great deal about a person by the way he/she communicates.
With Narcissists there are several styles that stand out. The first is the Screamer. This man or woman always has the volume dial turned up to the max, especially when under stress or frustration which is frequent. There is no modulation in sound intensity whether the narcissist is in public or private.
Screaming is the most direct route to getting his or her needs and desires met immediately. Although many narcissists are obsessed about their image and would not make a public scene, the Screamer projects his feelings, threats and intimidations without a filter. If he doesn't get the right table at a restaurant, best theater seat, quickest appointment, he/she screams---wild eyed, face flushed, mouth gaping. He attracts a lot of attention as he communicates: "I want what I want when I want it." Surprisingly, those involved in the ugly interchangge with narcissistic screamers, respond to their requests readily to restore peace and civility.
Narcissistic Screamers do not apologize nor are they embarrassed by their inappropriate behaviors. For them, it is only what they want and are getting all that matters. After all, they deserve it; they are superior and entitled. The sheer volume and intimidation projected by the enraged narcissist is enough to make most people cringe and go to their protective corners and acquiesce to the narcissist's delusional demands.
The Passive Aggressive narcissistic communication style is notable for its seesaw quality. These narcissists are sullen and can go for weeks without speaking a word if they have been crossed or confronted. They are masters of the "silent treatment." This type of narcissist is gifted at "quietly seething." Everyone in the household is unnerved and disrupted by this behavior but it is difficult to confront and deal with since the narcissist has become and will remain mute until he decides to end his strike. These narcisssists often play the victim role, insisting that no one appreciates or understands their problems.
Covert Operators lead secret lives, cleverly compartmentalizing one from the others. (From Freeing Yourself From the Narcissist in Your Life) "The narcissist puts his life in neat compartments that are sealed off from one another. He (or she) is able to activate self-identifications of vitality, superiority, success and power. These are kept separate from the unconscious parts of himself that feel depressed, enraged, empty and helpless..."
Your keen powers of observation and discernment reveal the true nature of the narcissist including their communication styles.
You are moving forward, rediscovering your truth, authentic self. Take time for deserved self care each day: get the rest and sleep that you need and deserve, nourishing healthy food, good hydration, movement and exercise thats best for you, restorative beautiful music, exploring your unique creative gifts.
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High level narcissists are highly secretive. They often compentalize their private lives. They are never concerned about deceiving partners since they don't have a fully developed conscience.
High levels are often obsessed with acquiring money. But narcissists don't share. Many of them have hidden cash and bank accounts that are cleverly concealed from their partners and spouses. The spouse does not suspect this venal level of duplicity. One scenario preceding a divorce is that the narcissistic spouse will take control of most of the money and financial assets and hidden them through complex financial instruments or by making"arrangements" with a business partner or some other back door means. After the divorce papers are served and the opening rounds begin, the narcissist claims that he or she has no money or assets or investments of any kind.
As the they cheat and steal from you, high level narcissists are highly suspicious even paranoid that they are being taken advantage of by their spouse. They rage that the partner has "stolen" what is theirs. Narcissistic personalities are psychological ly delusional. They manufacture their own reality. They detest the truth, especially when it is pointed out to them. It enrages the narcisssist and activates his/her volcanic rage.
A time comes when you put enough of the puzzle pieces together to know that you are being deceived and can no longer overlook, rationalize or tolerate the insidious lies, the recriminations, the primitive wounding projections.
You say "no more!" You do careful research, interview attorneys, obtain the tools that you need to move through the divorce process.
You have persevered. I give you tremendous credit to those who go through this "marathon" with courage, grace, fortitude, focus, stamina and fine character!
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The Shadow is that part of us that rises from the unconscious. It is mysterious and unique to each individual. Carl Jung describes it this way: "The Shadow personifies everything that the subject (person) refuses to acknowledge about himself."
"Those who have no conscious acquaintance with their shadow, project forgotten, forbidden disowned parts of themselves onto others in destructive ways." (From: Recovering and Healing After the Narcissist, Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D., LMFT)
There are many examples of individuals who have no conscious awareness of their Shadow. There are personalities who have a flat affect (little or no real emotion expressed). Others are studied, stilted who lack spontaneity and humor. You have aggressive personalities who demand constant attention, who find fault in others and are incapable of admiting that they are ever wrong. These are false selves that have been developed to conceal a real self that has been psychologically damaged.
Our personal Shadow is revealed through dreams, fantasies, reveries and spontaneous writing. When we are open to these inner worlds we become receptive to the richness of the unconscious.
We continue to face our Shadows. For many the Shadow remains completely unrecognized by the conscious psyche of the individual. As human swe carry the inheritnce of our Shadow selves. This is not a curse but an incredible boon to those who seek wholeness and the promise and fulfillment of one's unique individuality.
Becoming open to our dreams, reveries, meditations, offers a pathway to become acquainted and familiar with the Shadow.
Creativity is born through the Shadow. It comes forth in spontaneous writing, our dreams, in communion with Nature. It walks with us day and night---always beside whether we acknowledge its presence or not.
The Shadow is born in the heart of the unconscious, that mysterious territory and center of light and dark, a psychological chiascuro from which the masterpiece is created and spins into existence in its full glory.
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Narcissists cast dark shadows over our lives, especially when we are very young. Deep inside, instinctively, we know that we must survive. Many of us go along not only to get along but to stay vital psychologically. Some young children in highly disturbed narcissistic fmilies become hyper-vigilant-always surveying their environments for danger, threats, visceral feelings of being completely unsafe. They distract themselves ith activity. They normalize what they are experiencing.
Narcissistic fathers cannot parent. They are emotionally unavailable to their children. The go through the motions of interacting with them.
The narcissistic father doesn't careabout the individuality of his son or daughter. He may choose a golden child as a stand out to become just like him--a narcissist.
Other children who are less attractive from his perspective and not stand outs are set aside for neglect and constant ridicule.
There is an accumulation of truth about your narcissistic father. Those who wake up to the truth that their father is a merciless, despotic narcissist sever this toxic relationship and begin the healing process of fulfilling their destiny as a free, separate individual. You deserve healing, restoration, transformation and the manifestation of your unique creative gifts.
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Narcissistic mothers are completely absorbed with themselves. Many of them have children to enhance their image of having a perfect family. The work of raising, nurturing and protecting one's child is expected and essential. The narcissistic mother often turns her daughter over to babysitters or nannies when the child is very young, even an infant. She makes sure that friends and acquaintances believe that she is a devoted mother. She talks about her daughter, pretending that she is emotionally invested in her child.
Narcissistic mothrs often rule the family. Father is present in name only. He is a fixture in is own house. Some of these fathers are workaholics and prefer to be away from home rather than deal with the cold, harsh temperament of this woman.
The scapegoated daughter has no defense against the ridicule, demeaning verbal assaults of these highly disturbed mothers. Their stories of being taunted and humiliated are heartrending.
Some of these daughters experience symptoms of post traumatic stress syndrome and spend years in the aftermath of these traumas and their efforts to heal. Individuals who have been through such a prolonged ordeal need our understanding and compassion.
Many of them find their way to healing through support roups, participate in psychotherapy, work with healing modalities--gentle yoga, forms of mindfulness and meditation. The deeper our understanding of the true nature of narcissistic mothers the better we are prepared to help ourselves in the process of healing, restoration and the rediscovery of the real, authentic, creative self.
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Today we are surrounded by countless greedy narcissists in a society that has become exceedingly materialistic, coarse, Darwinian, soulless. The high level narcissist is all act: false, cunning, acquisitive.
The greediest go after what you have – investments, properties, residences, businesses, valuable possessions, trusts, works of art.They feed off of your creativity and steal your projects. – all the while leading you to believe that they are collaborating and contributing to your success.
Narcissists are not team players. This is a pretense, a strategy a ruse, a well honed act to gain your trust and ultimately to control you and the products of your unique creativity.
No matter how much they have, for the high level narcissist it is never enough. The fever of acquisitiveness reigns with these individuals. You cannot win if you stay partnered with them unless you are willing to become their psychological prisoners and forfeit your individuality, your unique gifts and your inner peace. Some of those who remain aligned with the high level narcissist are in a state of permanent delusion. They have fused with the narcissist and are unable to extricate themselves from this psychopathological state.
The high level narcissist doesn’t care if you are left with nothing. They get what they want, discard you and move on to the next shiniy prize.
There is hope and redemption with those who remain grounded in their authenticity and integrity combined with their creative gifts. At a time of great insight you find your unique pathway that leads to the authentic self. Give yourself tremendous credit for redisvering the truth about yourself. Listen to the voice of your intuition that always speaks the truth.
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For Empaths: Practice Self Care and Self Kindness DraftSep 25, 2023 Empaths are unique individuals who are often misunderstood. As babies and small children they learn that they are unlike other family members. Some children are accepted and respected but this attitude tends to be the exception. Empaths have a heightened sense of perception. They are highly sensitive to loud noises, large crowds and social events.
Empaths are seekers of the truth and have keen insights and intuitions. The society and even within their families, these gifts are not accepted and valued. Rather the empath is treated like a person who is odd, peculiar, someone who doesn't fit in.
True empaths are rare and extraordinary. Their perceptions about human nature and individuals in particular are very accurate. Often these individuals are not believed. Many growup in families that discount this level of high consciousness and intuitive sight.
Self care and self kindness are essential practices for empaths:
Protecting Your Sleep and Rest:
Honor your sleep. Don't let others, especially demanding individuals-narcissists- interfere with your sleep. The great healer is sleep, a profound activity that we are designed for. Sleep is part of all human and animal species. It nourishes and restores every system: skeletal, muscular, respiratory, cardiovascular, digestive, reproductive, endocrine, lymphatic and the mitochrondria in every cell.
We are created to follow the natural daylight and night---to sleep when darkness comes at night and to awaken when the sun rises and radiates in the sky throughout the day.
Sleep protects and strengthens the immune system, restores our vital energy and decreases inflammation. In sleep the unconscious speaks, bringing us dreams that are mysterious, healing and insightful. We are often daunted by the meaning of our dreams. Nevertheless, they are invaluable although often inscrutable.
In many cultures for hundreds of years the habit of taking a rest has been part of a daily routine. Rest offers physical, psychological and emotional refreshment. Having the freedom to think in quiet, to enjoy one's solitude and creativity is a very pleasant activity. This gives us a feeling of well-being. It offers a great opportunity to move into the parasympathetic nervous system, the restorative, healing mode.
Protecting Your Psychological Boundaries
Respecting your personal boundaries is an essential part of your positive self-entitlement to inner peace. Recognize that you can say "No" to the narcissist who is constantly making outrageous demands, lying to you, projecting venomous rage. Developing a strong sense of self-regard is essential to eatablishing and maintaining boundaries. Separating out of the narcissist's delusion world you move forward along your unique individual pathways of psychological and creative development.
Setting Your Personal Pace: Each individual has a natural tempo, a way of moving that is unique to them. As a child, spouse or partner of a high level narcissist you spent many years dancing to their choreography. High level narcissists are often peripetetic---they never stop moving. You have been trying to keep up with their rapid pace and constant demands for too many years. This is your time your space, your pace, your dance.
Spend time with Nature, her beauty and Inspiration: We are part of Nature. It showers us with gifts of magnificent beauty. Nature is our home, an inspiration for creative thinking, a companion that inspires, nourishes, calms and delights us.
Developing Your Unique Routine: Daily routines that you are motivating, creative, healing and restorative.
Decide on your priorities, try different schedules, choose activities that appeal to you. Leave room for flexibility. Don't be judgmental. There are no mistakes in choosing the elements of your routine.
Enjoy your choices. Honor your unique needs, wishes, energy levels, deep interests, appreciation of beauty, the manifestation of your singular individuality.
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Collapse More Episodes * 0 High level Narcissists – Playing Their False Self Roles
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High level narcissists stand at center stage, commanding all the attention. He/she struts and preens before the audience. The high level is exultant before his/her adoring audience. These individuals expect nothing less than being perpetually adored.
Many names are associated with these false self high flyers: Champion, Winner, Nobleman, Noblewoman, Prince, Princess, Genius, Spiritual Master. On the outside, the high level narcissist sparkles, exuding a magnetic charm.
Beneath the many false selves the high level narcissist is a hollowed out, psychologically empty real self.
The high level uses specific defense mechanisms to protect himself/herself from exposure to the depleted real self.
Projection: Projection is a primitive defense mechanism that involves ejecting vile psychological venom onto victims, especially those close within his inner circle: spouses, ex-spouses, children, siblings. The big advantage for the high level is that there are no consequences for their abominable behavior.
When you are the recipient of a primitive projection your guts churn, your heart beats wildly, you feel humiliated—feel like disappearing.
Projections originate in the unconscious of the perpetrator. In these dark recesses, powerful untrammeled feelings and inclinations are brewing and foment upward into consciousness.
Massive Denial: This is a profound disavowal of the true reality, particularly about himself. The narcissist believes that he/she is a fine person, an individual of integrity. The high level is immune to his mean, vindictive, demanding behaviors.
The narcissist easily finds fault with others, (often rivals for power) whom he criticizes reflexively. The high level harbors a deep envy of his competitors.
When he/she has behaved badly in business or socially, the high level shifts the blame on to others rather than taking responsibility for his deceptive, and egregious behaviors. The high level can never admit being “wrong” since the reinforced false self perceives himself/herself as perfect and superior.
Repression:The use of repression works very well for the high level narcissist. This is a form of forgetting and blocking feelings and actions and memories that run counter to the narcissist’s belief that he/she is superior and perfect. Repression is a psychological shield that protects the high level from experiencing his emotional and psychological vulnerabilities and imperfections. This mechanism “protects” the narcissist from experiencing his/her hollow, helpless, depleted, empty real self.
Many are so taken with the compelling, believable false selves of the high level narcissist that they are incapable and unwilling to perceive these malevolent individuals for who they truly are—vile exploiters of those whom they psychologically and mentally control.
As a result of your research and clear insights, you perceive the true nature of the high level narcissist defined by the dark, empty, hollowed out core of these individuals.
Give yourself credit for your perseverance, your strong belief in yourself, your mental and psychological stamina. Focus on your movement into the restorative, calming pathways of the parasympathetic of self care and the use of your unique creative gifts.
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"In every block of marble I see a statue as plain as though it stood before me, shaped and perfect in attitude and action. I have only to hew away the rough walls that imprison the lovely apparition to reveal it to the other eyes as mine see it." (Michelangelo) One of the greatest sculptors created unsurprassed masterpieces---The Pieta, David, Moses among others. He was a master at taking a block of inanimate material and bringing it to the highest artistic fulfillment.
I was thinking about this great work and something popped into my mind about the narcissistic mother who endeavors with all of her force to create the perfect child---her golden one. Some are chosen to play this role; others are not.
Many a narcissistic parent has become obsessed with molding a tiny baby into a perfect vision. This works beautifully with art using clay, marble and alabaster but it is a disaster with little children.
Were you the chosen one, the one who was ignored, the golden child dethroned, the child who was hidden in the bunch, the child who got into a lot of trouble with mom because you insisted on being yourself? There are innumerable patterns in these narcissistic, highly dysfunctional families.
Some children respond positively to the prodding of their highly ambitious narcissistic mothers. These mothers are restless creatures. Mother is relentlessly at work. Day and night she is plotting and thinking about the magnificence of the end product when the curtain parts and her creation is at center stage.
If one daughter does not go along with the transformation project, she will discard her and pick another child. The abanded daughter has a hard time because she has lost her mother's attention and is no longer in a psychological state of her mother's grace. But those who tough it out can be blessed because they bucked the force of the narcissistic mother's disturbed contorted vision. Rather, this daughter is an individual with many unique gifts.
Narcissistic mothers will always be with us as well as narcissistic daughters. Our work is to recognize the true nature of the high level narcissists in our families and to assert and honor the immutable authentic, creative self that is grounded in truth and integrity.
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High level narcissists are essentially solo acts. They are incapable of forming genuine relationships, especially with their spouses, partners and children. Narcissists are duplicitous. They have many secret agendas. They compartmentalize their lives skillfully and without conscience.
After you have been married to a narcissist for a while you realize this man or woman is not the person you met and think you have known.
Even when he/she is getting everything he wants, the high level suddenly turns on his /her spouse. He is projecting and spewing his unconscious self loathing and psychological emptiness on to you. Spouses and partners on the receiving end often learn to ignore and rationalize these abusive behaviors.
After the marriage has turned stale---and this can happen quickly with narcissists---they need to figure out exactly what they are going to do with you.
Narcissistic spouses are irritated and disgusted with spouses and partners who are not performing up to their unrealistic standards. After the divorce the spouse/partner is dropped quickly, abandoned without ceremony.
High level narcissists don't look back; they are not haunted by any memory of their cruelties. They sleep well at night and are still completely full of themselves as they move on with another person. This is a travesty, a number of horrible scenarios that are repeated over and over again by narcissists with impunity.
As you move forward, focus on your sense of self entitlement. Practice self care each day: rest and sleep, eat nourishing food, good hydration, exercise and movement that appeals to you, expressive unedited writing, listen to beautiful music, spend time with Nature, the great healer.
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You are in charge now unlike the days of childhood when you were under the control, expectations and pscyopathologies of your parents. Your partner, spouse, ex-spouse, siblings and other family members are not entitled to intimidate or control you. Be kind with yourself.
Self Kindness activities include:
Move at our own pace; don't let anyone rush you. Many children are herded around and forced to move quickly by other family members. This is particularly stressful, causing nerves to fray, stomach roiling when they are forced to hurry mindlessly. It is distressing and disorienting.
Develop daily routines that work well for you and that orient you into the parasympathetic nervous system and out of the fight or flight sympathetic mode.
As a child you experienced the stresses of the sympathetic, especially if you grew up with a narcissistic parent and other personality disordered individuals.
The practice of diaphragmagtic breathing offers you an entree into the parasympathetic state. Disphragmatic breathing activates the vagus nerve. The awakening of the vagus nerve puts you into the parasympathetic---the calming, healing, restorative part of the nervous system. The origin of this kind of breathing has existed for thousands of years introduced by Indian practices called pranayama. The practice of pranayama is part of an ancient yoga that goes back in time with its origins in India in the sixth and fifth centuries BC.
Listen to beautiful music that speaks to you. You can hear these melodies or songs over and over again and always find them calming, inspiring, affirming, joyful.
Pay attention to your dreams. They are revealing invaluable messages. When you awaken from a dream, take a few minutes to digest it before you get up.
Expressive, unedited writing offers you an opening to your unconscious and your unique creativity. Messages that come through this writing are profound and help you to see through delusion to the true reality.
Be as kind with yourself as you are to others.
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Covert narcissists fly under the radar. It can be very difficult to identify them before they have psychologically ambushed you. Polite, humble, soft spoken, respectful in manner, the covert narcissist conceals his/her true nature with great skill. They are at your service, appear to be good listeners and are clever actors of pseudo empathy. In the first moves the covert narcissist appears to be very sincere. He/she has your best interests at heart. This is the bait and the trap.
All the while the covert narcissist is sizing you up. These individuals have taken your measure and know that by romancing you and becoming an indispensable part of your life that they will own your feelings and possess you psychologically.
Whether it is direct or covert, the narcissist is a user who only becomes involved with those whom he/she can use and increase his power and economic reach.
Protect yourself. Narcissists are users and abusers. You can learn to identify the covert narcissist with great skill.
Turn you attention to your self care: rest, sleep, hydration, nourishing food, expressive writing, beautiful music, sublime Nature. Embrace your unique creative individuality.
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Our hearts are drawn quickly and beat fiercely with someone who is irresistible. That often is a narcissistic man or woman. They have our "numbers", are often very attractive and compelling. They give us so much attention in the beginning. The narcissist always wants something from us and it is not our welfare or peace of mind, or our creative, psychological or spiritual well being.
There is a strong human tendency to repeat patterns of behavior, especially those that are hurtful to us. Many children of narcissistic parents marry narcissists. It is not unusual for them to step into a marriage with someone who has fooled them completely with a grandiose false self full of confidence and who appears to care deeply about them.
If you suspect that your intended man or woman is a narcissist, remember what you learned about the characteristics of the narcissistic personality:
Narcissists are clever actors who convince others that they truly care about them.
Narcissists are consumed with creating and maintaining with their perfect image.
Does this individual over promise? Is he or she very grandiose and could possibly be delusional?
Is he or she the Golden Boy or Golden Girl in the family?
Does this person lack true empathy? The capacity to put yourself emotionally and psychologically in another person's place. Are they skilled at pseudo empathy?
How often are you catching him/her in lies? Narcissists are gifted liars.
Narcissistic personalities are not inclined to change. After all, they believe they are perfect and live in a delusion of their own making.
Prepare personally by putting the emphasis on taking vey good care of yourself. Take time to listen to music, spontaneous writing with a pen and your imagination, exercise in the way that works for you, good nutrition and hydration, a spiritual practice as you define it. Get the sleep and rest that you deserve. Seek anf find the beauty of Nature, our restorative, healing, transformational source. Ackowledge and feel deep inside an appreciation for who you really are: genuine, unique, talented, creative: a person of vision, empathy and integrity.
I have great faith in you and know that you will prevail. Let your light shine!
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Daughters of narcissistic mothers have a particularly difficult pathway to travel. From childhood they have had to contend with mothers who were cold, distracted, self-absorbed, coercive, dismissive, manipulative and psychologically destructive. Their children are at their mercy and whim. Their daughters are an ongoing source of narcissistic supply to this non-mother.
Adult daughters of narcissistic mothers have to contend with maternal deprivation, perpetrated by these mothers from hell.
The daughter of a narcissistic mothers is very special...She is a survivor, a beautiful human being who has prevailed over the psychological gulags of childhood to emerge as a vibrant, loving, creative individual.
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Psychological fusion represents the need to identify and merge with the high level narcissist. This occurs as a result of emotional and psychological deficits and causes a sense of being incomplete as an individual.
Those who experience this fusion seek the high level narcissist for validation and a sense of worth and purpose.
The causes of psychological fuson can be the result of childhood trauma, maternal deprivation and abandonment issues.
You feel emotionally damaged, less than, incomplete with feelings of worthlessness, guilt, lacking value and importance as an individual.
Each time that you return to the high level narcissist you put yourself in the hands of this unempathic, controlling individual
At a time of insight and deep understanding you decide to separate from the high level narcissist with the practice of self care: going at your own pace, sleep and rest that you deserve, healing and restoration through Nature, activating your unique creativity, movement and exercise that works for you.
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Classic narcissists are bombastic and charismatic, running through their days in the fast lane---always moving to their next cascade of narcissistic supplies. If they are very successful they have more opportunities to be adored, praised and rewarded hnadsomely in this current world of rampant pathological narcissism. Those at the top of their game don't do the hard work. They have adoring followers, psychologically dependent individuals, hangers on, at their beck and call.
If you have narcissists in your family, you are keenly aware of how they demean and/or ignore you or both.
Since they have no internal psychological consciousness or a well developed conscience, they move swiftly and smoothly through their professional and personal lives with ruthless abandon. They choose partners whom they can dominate and control. They ignore their children or choose only those who will become their living ego supplies---little narcissists who will grow up to be just like them.
Narcissists are peripatetic---They always have their engines running. They go from one project to the next--one trip to the next---one acquisition to the next--one partner to the next---, etc.
They jauntily move along in the conversation to tell you about how swimmingly their lives are going, how busy they are, what they are achieving and don't forget---"their successes." I am talking about their all out bragging when the other person is going through a very tough time and needs to be heard. I find this kind of interchange to be nauseating and cruel.
Remind yourself that you are genuine and that having psychological ordeals is part of our authenticity with real feelings and deep caring for others as well as oneself.
You are not deluded. You do not brag about yourself. You are highly empathic and care deeply about the feelings, the problems and the tough issues of others: family members, friends, spouses, etc. You are the opposite of the narcissist.
Give yourself credit for being a true individual who is growing and evolving. Know that this is a process that takes time and effort and that you are moving toward developing a stronger, expanded true self. (The narcissist is a false self that leads his/her entire days in delusion.)
Practice the self care each day: rest and get the sleep that you deserve, eat nourishing food--organic if you can, use your creative gifts, create a spiritual practice as you understand this. Spend time with Nature--beautiful, restorative, transformational!
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Some grandiose narcissists are egomanical. Their bloated sense of self is without boundaries. They are delusional, believing that they are all powerful, omniscient, demi gods.
They are obsessed with obtaining and maintaining the highest levels of raw power and control over others in their orbits.
Quoting from my book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life: "The narcissist fabricates delusions that protect his/her belief in limitless power. The narcissist holds fast to his bloated self images...for him these are irrefutable and immutable truths. His core beliefs are unshakable: "There is nothing I can't do, I have no limits. I'm perfect---everyone else is mediocre and inferior. I will win at all costs."
Grandiose narcissist create thickets of lies. They lie automatically and take great pleasure in lying to you in a variety of ways. The focus is always on them and what they can get and take from you.
Grandiose narcissists control you by manufactoring an empty promise that you will become part of their unique, golden circle of followers who are treated as special and unique.
Shameless to the highest degree, the grandiose narcissist does not have a fully developed conscience.
Highly exploitive, the grandiose narcissist treats others with disrespect and disdain.
For them, you are expendable, like a used wrapper thrown to the winds.
Delirious with greed grandiose narcissists can't stop themselves from obsessive acquisition of properties, money, trusts, investments.
At a time of awakening you recognize that you need to separate from the delusional, psychopathollogical world of the grandiose narcissist.
Practice self care each day: rest and sleep that you need and deserve, eat nourishing food, movement and exercise, quieting the mind or meditation for calming and focus. Listen to beautiful music that puts you in a restorative healing mode.
Celebrate your essence---your unique individuality!
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From the time he/she was very young, the budding narcissist was convinced that he was brilliant, talented, resourceful, socially gifted at magnetizing people to him/her. Often the golden child, these individuals are exceedingly self entitled, overflowing with hubris.
They are convinced that they are perfect--superior to others in every respect. These beliefs and convictions become an integral core of the budding narcissist, especially if they are the vaunted, glorious golden child who can never do anything wrong. In addition they don't develop a conscience and blame their dirty deeds on siblings, friends, family member, acquaintance, rivals.
High levels are "climbers", determined to reach the highest summits of monetary and professional largesse, to ingratiate themselves to moneyed power brokers and social movers and shakers. With their gifts of persuasion and light seduction--- a kind of hypnotic trance---they work their way up to positions of great power and influence.
They get their lieutenants to do their dirty work. They come out of their misadventures without blemish or murmur. They are keen at playing above the fray, above reproach. They cheat, steal, lie, threaten, collude, betray, scheme---and never get caught. When questioned, the high level lies with great skill by omission and commission. His perfect persona convinces almost everyone that there is no way he could or would have done anything wrong.
Many fear that lying will bring the wrath of God down upon them. Not the high level narcissist. He or she takes pleasure in mendacity---this is a familiar game to them---like a grand chess master who knows he can win every play, blindfolded. Operating without conscience makes for an easier ride to the high level's goal. Carrying a conscience takes humility and a consideration of being just and righteous in the world and with oneself. Cruel misdeeds vanish in the ethers as the high level re-invents himself/herself countless times.
Learn to recognize these vipers quickly. Study your research, use your high intuition to follow the scent of the malevolent high level. You know how dark and malicious these individuals are.
Separate yourself from them. Take your own pathway, that of the just, discerning, empathic. Your intellect is keen; your character is fine, your creative talents are many, you are fearless in the face of this dark human nature. You shine forth and chart your own course. The winds are at your back now and you see and feel the beauty and majesty of the blue waters of healing, restoration, transformation and creativity. Sail on!
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Running a fever is a sign that we are fighting an infection. Your temperature rises; you are very hot. Your sweat glands activate and you cool down. Your fever has broken and you are in the process of recovering and getting well. You are moving toward healing.
The lust for money and power in the high level narcissist is a fever, a sickness, a perverse pursuit, uncontained. Monetary acquisition captivates the high level narcissist.
High levels are always thinking about how much money they have, how to get more, how to keep it from others.
For the high level there is never enough money, investments, properties, financial holdings. Lusting after money is the singular preoccupation for many high level narcissists. Having lots of money makes them feel more entitled, superior to others, a consummate winner. In this obsessive pursuit the high level narcissist doesn't stop victimizing others, disrupting their lives, leaving them without monetary means, causing extreme duress, anxiety and worry.
Pay attention to your intuition about the high level narcissist. You sense their vileness, like a noxious odor in the air.
Dis-entangle yourself from the lust fevered high level narcissist. Develop habits of self care: rest, sleep, nourishing food, good hydration, movement and exercise that works for you, spend time with Nature, bring Great Art into your days. Exercise your intuitive gifts. Honor your wisdom and fine character. Develop a spiritual practice specifically designed for you as an individual.
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The narcissistic personality leads his/her life in psychological delusion. Wearing a series of false self masks, the narcissist convinces so many that he/she is authentic. There are many stories of the extraordinary duress and psychological and emotional pain that are inflicted by them on their spouses, children, partners, ex-spouses.
In current society where highly successful narcissists are feted and rewarded for their worldly accomlishments---raw power, cultural influences---these individuals are not held accountable for the extreme psychological and emotional pain they inflict on others.
The narcissist is without conscience, shame or mercy. He/she wouldn't be foolish enough to outwardly harm another and get caught and have to deal with the circumstances of their dark deeds.
These individuals are unacquainted with their damaged real selves. From the time they were very young, narcissists, especially golden children, glide through life, supremely entitled, believing that they are perfect and others are inferior. They are unfamiliar with the truth. What they think and believe is the only truth. High level narcissists, powerful in the world, they convince those in their inner charmed circles that they are extraordinary, gifted, accomplished and entitled to be treated with extraordinary deference.
Devoted followers of the narcissist willingly surrender their identities and their morality to be a part of this special club.
At a point of awakening, your research and insight, you make the decision to separate from the narcissist. After leaving the narcissist, you are freer to speak and manifest the truth each day with your words, attitudes, actions, creative gifts.
Quoting from my book: Recovering and Healing After the Narcissist: "Knowing and speaking the truth about human nature is part of your destiny if you are to evolve as an individual."
With clarity, discernment, strength, stamina and the truth, you are moving forward along the pathway of the authentic, original, creative self.
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"The shadow personifies everything that the subject (person) refuses to acknowledge about himself." CG Jung
"Those who have no conscious acquaintance with their shadow project forgotten, forbidden and disowned parts of themselves on to others in destructive ways." Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D., LMFT, Recovering and Healing After the Narcissist
Are you trapped in a marriage or partnership with a pernicious high level narcissist, an individual obsessed with self and public image, with extreme self-entitlement, very low conscience capacity, n an infant terrible, with a dreadful temper that is projected out onto you behind closed doors. This is horrifying to the spouse of the high level narcissist. There are severe criticisms, humiliations, exhausting over the top demands, blatant hyoocrisy, incessant lying. More lying to cover other lies.
The high level narcissist carries from within a primitive, seething Shadow that ejects venom in various forms on to you: false accusations, recriminations, incessant criticisms, withering projections that send you into the dark reaches of the fight or flight nervous system, the sympathetic mode.
You are at the mercy of the narcissist's rampant regressed Shadow. The high level vehemently blames you for these traits, deeds and words he/she is incessantly using. The narcissist never owns his/her wrongdoings since he/she believes that he/she is perfect. It is in private that you shudder and cower and take the full brunt of the narcissistic partner's disowned Shadow.
How much longer can you tolerate the scream fits, volleys of temper, scathing glances, belittling snipes that leave you psychologically and emotionally weakened. You don't deserve to be treated this way.
You are making a stand now for yourself. You make the decision to separate from the toxic high level narcissist and move along your pathways of self care, healing, restoration, transformation and the reawakening of your true, authentic, creative self.
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I have communicated with many individuals who tell me that they keep marrying, divorcing and then partnering with another covert narcissist. How could they have known that they would repeat this corrosive psychological pattern. They should not blame themselves. It is exceedingly difficult to recognize a covert narcissist, especially if he/she is at the top of their game. The covert has been practicing his/her superb act since early childhood. The covert narcissist learned to camouflage his/her true feelings and thoughts.
After the glow and excitement has begun to fade (even in the early months after marriage) you notice that your partner demeans you, makes incessant demands and tears you down when you are particularly vulnerable. The vituperative projections increase, the demeaning remarks and humiliations rise. You are worn down.
Covert narcissists are particularly drawn to empaths, those individuals of high discernment and insight. Empaths need to learn to protect their psychological boundaries.
At a point of insight you recognize the true nature of the covert narcissist. You make the decision to separate and divorce the covert narcissist.
You can break the pattern of marrying covert narcissists. As you develop a strong sense of self entitlement and self care, you recognize that you are a strong, enlightened individual. Give yourself tremendous credit for your psychological and emotional perseverance, grit and integrity.
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Many individuals have narcissistic friends who are taking advantage of them and who cannot be trusted with confidences or personal information. High level narcissists, those who are socially smooth and highly successful in the world, are difficult to detect. They effect a convincing pseudo empathy, appear to be genuinely engaged, come across as bright, articulate and share much in common with you.
Recognizing the folllowing personality attributes will help you to identify the high level narcissistic personality:
Total Self-Absorption - The high level narcissist is completely self-focused. Everything in his/her internal or external environment is about tthem: personal experiences, professional accomplishments, academic achievements, successful business ventures, coming from "perfect families" ---an endless list of an Ode to Self.
There is a grandiosity and superiority to the self-absorption of the high level. He/she brags, flaunts, struts--always moving about the stage to catch the center spotlight.
Lack of Empathy - This is a key human quality that is missing in the high level narcissist. Having empathy, we are capable of putting ourelves in the other person's place, psychologically and emotionally. We leave our ego needs and sense what they are experiencing and feeling. The narcissist never developed this quality. Don't expect the high level narcissist to ever be become empathic.
Lack of Genuine Warmth - High Level Narcissists are cold and manipulative. They can appear to be charming and ingratiating---even irresistible. But this is a trap. Watch the follow-up to the fake rush of warmth. Does your friend drop the ball, forget to call you. Do you have to initiate all of the contacts between the two of you. Does your friend cancel engagements with you or act out by being a "no-show" and expect you to make excuses for him/her.
Exploitive - All relationships with high level narcissists are exploitive. Believing that you have an authentic relationship with a narcissist is an illusion. High level narcissists are users. In some instances they co-opt your creative ideas and projects and use them as their own. They feed off of others psychologically. They expect their "friends" to be constant sources of narcissistic supplies, providing them with veneration and adulation. They expect to be treated as very special and highly entitled. You could be on the receiving end of one of their harsh, vituperative projections. High level narcissists are known for projecting their psychological venom on to others. You don't deserve this. You are entitled to an apology (which will not be forthcoming).
There is a time of your evolving insight that you can no longer be treated with this level of disrespect. Now you understand that your "friend" is a narcissistic personality. You have done your research and along with your intuition, recognize your "friend's" true nature.
Practice self care and restoration. Take time to get the rest and sleep that you deserve. Focus on your needs rather than the demands of any narcissists. Explore your many creative gifts. Spend time with the beauty of Nature. Listen to beautiful music and move at your own pace. Honor and appreciate your individuality.
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We are flawed human beings. We make small and big mistakes. It is difficult to admit that we are wrong. It takes dropping our egos and acknowledging that we were in error. If we hurt someone emotionally as a result of our mistakes and insensitivities and our inner turmoil, it takes humility and insight to say: "I was wrong, I am sorry tht I caused you to suffer. It is not your fault; it is mine. I take responsibility for my words and actions." When we are able to get past our always having to be right and beyond long held humiliations, we can admit being wrong, communicate this to the person we have hurt and move forward. It is freeing and rewarding to know that we are capable of self redemption, putting the ego aside and choosing self truth.
Narcissists cannot admit they are wrong. He/she is driven by an ego inflated sense of self. His/her burnished golden image represents the delusional reality of his making. This is their sine qua non. No exceptions.
Narcissists don't let the truth get in their way. It is an obstacle unfamiliar to them. Golden child narcissists have been manufacturing their own truth since early childhood. Their versions are immutable, as real to them as the turning of the earth on its axis, the rhythms of sea tides, the predictable phases of the moon.
High level narcissists are dupicitious. They demand unreachable perfection from others and the constant delivery of narcissistic supplies: praise, aduldation, blind loyalty, veneration---yet they constantly attack our thought processes, motivations, emotional responses and purposely harm us psychologically every single day. Their lack of a developed conscience keeps them from viewing themselves realistically.
Eventually, you become receptive to your moments of repeated insights, along with your in-depth research about the true nature of the narcissistic personality. This is the time of reckoning. Your days are turning around; you are on the road of psychological redemption. Hold on to the golden cord of your intuitive insights, the diligence of your research and your courageous, strong, fine character.
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The high level narcissist has mastered a very smooth act: false, cunning, acquisitive and very greedy.
Psychologically empty inside, he/she is always searching for more while he treats others without mercy or respect.
The greediest are the have mores and the have mosts who are perpetually in acquisitive mode. They go after what you have--investments, properties, residences, businesses, valuable possessions, trusts, works of art.
They feed off of your creativity and steal your projects--all the while leading you to believe that they are collaborating and contributing to your success.
High level narcissists are not team players. This is a pretense, a strategy, a ruse, a well honed act to gain your trust and ultimately control you and the products of your unique creativity.
No matter how much they have, for the high level narcissist, it is never enough. The fever of covetousness rises with every acquisition. You cannot win with these individuals if you stay partnered with them unless you are willing to become their psychological prisoners. Some who remain aligned with the high level narcissist are in a state of deep delusion.
The high level doesn't care if you are left with nothing. They get what they want, discard you and move on to the next shiny prize.
There is great hope and promise for those who remain steady in their grounded fine characters, steady and risng in their creative gifts.
You are entitled to honor yourself as an individual: self care each day: rest, sleep, Nature's beauty, joy of music, exercise your way, activation of your unique creativity.
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The high level narcissist is a towering, talented, conquering hero, another Alexander the Great. Everyone seeks his/her counsel. Exalted to high positions of power, influence and prestige, everyone seeks their counsel. They are anointed, even considered holy.
Convinced of his perfection and superiority, the high level flies high with an extraordinary sense of self entitlement and delusional grandiosity.
They obsessively brag about their accomplishments, becoming increasingly manic with each achievement--a bloated ego on full display.
There is a shameless hypocrisy that is part of this identity. Their delusions of grandeur and perfection are limitless.
Their obsessive focus is always on themselves: what they are entitled to have, whom they will control, how much money and power they will acquire, how to defeat their competitors and enemies--real and imagined-while maintaining an impeccable persona.
You are actually partnered with or married to a petulant child. The narcissistic personality is psychologically regressed to the age of two. Me, Me, Me is the constant word. Temper tantrums and outrageous demands are the theme when they don't get exactly what they want on the spot. Two year olds go through a period of separating out from their parent and asserting themselves and insisting they are independent. Eventually the young child moves through this phase as he or she becomes more rational and capable of viewing themselves realistically. The narcissist never leaves this developmental phase. He/she is stuck psychologically in toddlerhood.
Microscopically light on conscience describes the narcissist's lack of a moral compass. Having a solid conscience takes work and moral discernment. Those with a conscience think about the welfare of others and question themselves about moral and ethical issues.
Being light on conscience accelerates the narcissist's movement up the steps of power, influence and control.
Don't wait for the high level narcissist to be held accountable for his/her malicious transgressions, constant lies. They have abused others, including their children in word and deed.
Arrogantly striding the upper echelons of the power pecking order, the high level learned how to escape by blaming others, especially those who are vulnerable and willing to take the heat for them.
Your time of re-awakening has arrived. You now understand the true nature of the high level narcissist and begin your movement forward to separate out of this narcissistic abuse.
You start by putting yourself first with self care: rest, sleep, eating nourishing food, good hydration, movement and exercise your way, listening to beautiful music, spending time with Nature and using your many creative gifts.
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You can't fall asleep at night; you are anxious; your mind is racing, You listen to your thoughts and wonder when you will get respite. Morning comes and you face extreme fatigue. Exhaustion has a pain of its own, a feeling of weakness that is relentless. Finally, you face the day and wonder if your strength and stamina will ever return.
You are distracted and miserable most of the time. Your gut is out of whack. You feel gnawing vulnerabilities---raw fear. On top of this is the dark presence, the horrific shadow side of the high level narcissist. What you know for sure is that eventually he/she starts screaming at you, picking you apart in a low voice filled with derision and mocking. One of his/her favorites is humiliating you. Humiliation is one of the worst sensations we can experience. It is intolerable; we squirm inside, we feel small and want to disappear, to become invisible.
These cruelties visited on you by the high level are a regular feature, wearing you thin, jangling your nervous system, causing anxiety and panic. For some, re-activating their childhood trauma.
This is particularly alarming since your narcissistic partner/spouse doesn't give a damn about you or your well being. In fact he is incensed that you are ill and pulling him/her down. You are bad for his image. Having a partner who is not "Up" all the time is very unappealing. The flawless narcissist despises your chronic exhaustion and uses every opportunity to deride and abandon you.
Gradually, you are moving through the exhaustion, feeling the beginnings of strength. You do research and develop a clear understanding of the high level narcissist.
With time and an inner resolve and connection with a few individuals whom you trust you know that in order to heal and restore your psychological and physical health you need to move along your own recovery pathways that activate the restorative, parasympathetic body/mind systems, daily self care: rest, sleep, pure nutrition, good hydration, Nature's healing gifts, the use of your unique creativity, your form of spiritual practice: basic restorative yoga, stretching, exercise your way. Another phenomental gift of restoration: listening to beautiful music that moves inside with its beauty and promise of renewal, strength and transformation, the fullness of your original true self.
Narcissistic mothers are non-parents. They are incapable of emotional and psychological intimacy. They cannot attach and bond with their children appropriately. They use their children as puppets to mirror them perfectly.
At some point you know that your mother cannot and will not and did not fulfill your deepest needs. This is a time of reckoning when you know that you must act for yourself and learn to nourish and take care of yourself first. This is not selfish; it is essential.
This self healing begins with small steps. Get the sleep and rest that you need and deserve. Eat nourishing food, organic if you can, that keeps you healthy and strong. Develop a spiritual practice using your definition, turn to Nature, the great healer and source of great beauty, experience the solitude of your own company, listen to music that appeals to you and moves you into the parasympathetic restorative mode, move and exercise in the way that works for you.
Be very kind to the small child inside of you. You are a wonderful individual: empathic, persevering, resourceful, authentic, creative.
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High level narcissists have raised telling elaborate lies to a dark art form. They repeat their lies with emphasis and convincing delivery. The audience is immersed in his/her "story" and the way it is delivered. The narcissist's nonverbals are impeccable: tone of voice, great eye contact, pseudo empathy.
The high level narcissist appears to be warm and caring. These individuals are so sure of themselves that they have no hesitation.
The high level makes comments like: "You and I have a lot in common." "We understand one another." "I am looking out for you."
Lies of omission and commission are all part of their performance, their act.
High level narcissists don't tire from lying; it is their sustenance. It maintains their power over others.
You cannot trust someone who is lying to you.
You are evolving all of the time. This process is not a straight line; it is a process.
Give yourself tremendous credit for being a person of character and compassion. You are that unique individual that always strives to do the right thing, especially when no one is watching. It is in the deep inner self that you feel the peace of your authenticity and integrity.
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Empaths are unique individuals who are often misunderstood. As babies and small children they learn that they are unlike other family members. Some children are accepted and respected but this attitude tends to be the exception. Empaths have a heightened sense of perception. They are highly sensitive to loud noises, large crowds and social events.
Empaths are seekers of the truth and have keen insights and intuitions. The society and even within their families, these gifts are not accepted and valued. Rather the empath is treated like a person who is odd, peculiar, someone who doesn't fit in.
Empath Special Care Practice
Protecting Your Sleep and Rest:
"Sleep that knits up the raveled sleave of care, sore labor's bath. Balm of hurt minds, great nature's second course. Chief nourisher in life's feast." William Shakespeare
Honor your sleep - Don't let others, especially demandig individuals interfere with your sleep. The great healer is sleep, a profound activity that we are designed for. Sleep is part of all human and animal species. It nourishes and restores every system: skeletal, muscular, repiratory, cardiovascular, digestive, reproductive, endocrine, lymphatic and the mitochrondria in every cell.
We are created to follow the natural daylight and night---to sleep when darkness comes at night and to awaken when the sun rises and radiates in the sky throughout the day.
Sleep protects and strengthens the immune system, restores our vital energy and decreases inflammation. In sleep the unconscious speaks, bringing us dreams that are mysterious, healing and insightful. We are often daunted by the meaning of our dreams. Nevertheless, they are invaluable although often inscrutable.
In many cultures for hundreds of years the habit of taking a rest has been part of a daily routine. Rest offers physical, psychological and emotional refreshment. Having the freedom to think in quiet, to enjoy one's solitude and creativity is a very pleasant activity. This gives us a feeling of well-being. It offers a great opportunity to move into the parasympathetic nervous system, the restorative, healing mode.
Protecting Your Psychological Boundaries
Respecting your personal boundaries is an essential part of your positive self-entitlement to inner peace. Recognize that yu can say "No" to the narcissist who is constantly making outrageous demands, lying to you, projecting venomous rage. Developing a strong sense of self-regard is essential to eatablishing and maintaining boundaries. Separating out of the narcissist's delusion world you move forward along your unique individual pathways of psychological and creative development.
Setting Your Personal Pace: Each individual has a natural tempo, a way of moving that is unique to them. As a child, spouse or partner of a high level narcissist you spent many years dancing to their choreography. High level narcissists are often peripetetic---they never stop moving. You have been trying to keep up with their rapid pace and constant demands for too many years. This is your time your space, your pace. Enjoy the dance!
Spend time with Nature, her beauty and Inspiration: We are part of Nature. It showers us with gifts of magnificent beauty. Nature is a home for our solitude, an inspiration for creative thinking, a companion that inspires, nourishes, calms and delights us.
Developing Your Unique Routine: Daily routines that you crative are motivating, creative, healing and restorative.
Decide on your priorities, try different schedules, chose activities that appeal to you. Leave room for flexibility. Don't be judgmental. There are no mistakes in choosing the elements of your routine. Enjoy your choices. Honor your unique needs, wishes, energy levels, deep interests, appreciation of beauty, the manifestation of your singular individuality.
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The covert narcissist is "gifted" at re-victimizing his/her human targets. Whether you are partnered with or married to a covert narcissist you are riddled with fear and dread much of the time. You are stuck in the fight or flight mode, the sympathetic nervous system. The covert is skilled at concealing his/her multiple cruelties, manipulations and deceptions. Lies roll off of their tongues automatically and everyone believes them. Lies are automatic to the covert. In some instances your own family may not believe that you know and are telling the truth about this covert viper.
Their act deceives so many including highly trained therapists, psychiatrists, social workers, attorneys and the list goes on. Don't be surprised if you have been compromised by the covert narcissistic man or woman who makes you believe that he/she is genuine and deeply cares about you.
Learn to recognize the seductions of sweetness, soft persuasion, their vulnerability act, guilt induction and promises of special treatment that are designed by the covert narcissist to pull you back into their delusonal world of manipulation and deception.
There are steps you can take to maintain your psychological boundaries and strong sense of self:
Identify the covert narcissist with your research, knowledge and the full use of your intuition.
Put yourself first. Get the sleep you need and deserve. Eat pure food and hydrate, spend time with Nature, do movement and exercise that works you, form relationships with individuals you can trust. Do expressive writing that is unedited and uses your imagination.
You have turned on to a new pathway of renewal, health, beauty and a source of continued healing, evolution and transformation.
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The narcissist is a projection machine. Rather than internalizing, introspecting or encouraging insight, the narcissist is always in the process of externalization. He/she is either basking in his perfection or plotting the next move that will weaken, topple or destroy a real or imagined enemy.
Projection is an unconscious defense mechanism an individual uses to protect himself/herself from intolerable feelings of worthlessness, self loathing and forbidden impulses. The narcisssist is continually projecting his/her venom on to others. This is particularly painful and harmful to his family---spouses, partners and children.
Learn to deflect the narcissist's projections. You cannot control the narcissist's impulses but you can be in command of yourself.
Practice self care: rest, sleep, hydration, movement/exercise, a form of mindfulness that works for you. Learn to access the parasympathetic nervous system, tht part of yourself that is calm, relaxed and grounded.
Tap into your creativity --an invaluable resource.
Honor your wisdom.
"He who controls others may be powerful, but he who has mastered himself is mightier still."---Lao-tsu
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As the high level narcissist becomes more successful in the world, he/she activates greater and greater grandiosity, extreme self entitlement and ruthlessness. If he is at the top of his/her profession---finance, science, medicine, academia, entertainment, entrepreneurship, politics, media, etc, he is surrounded by a circle of people who believe that he is superior. This protective golden circle provides the high level narcissist with a continuous circulation of narcissistic supplies: adulation, praise, accolades, multiple perks, high monetary compensation.
As high level narcissists move to higher tiers of power and influence of great reach, they become untouchable in terms of being held accountable for their personal misdeeds and cruelties.
Does it matter to him/her if he decimates someone else's career. Absolutely not! This is business hardball. Those who side with him (not knowing that they too are disposable) will vanquish his enemies. The narcissist becomes more and more ruthless and inhumane as he grabs more power and becomes more maniacally delusional.
If this narcissist is a waking nightmare at work, he is hellish at home. In the private space there is no need to wear his/her false facade. It is ripped off by the time he reaches the front door. He screams, taunts, threatens, demeans, humiliates his spouse and children. The reign of narcissistic terror is endless. He has his spouse in a psychological stranglehold. If the marriage is going badly and the spouse suggests a divorce, the decree of threat comes down---"You will be left with nothing." "I will get full custody of the kidns." "Everyone will know that you have instigated the divorce and take my side." "I will hire attorney who will defeat you at every turn."
Some spouses of high level narcissists reach a breaking point---They are in severe distress---They cannot sleep; they are on red alert with free floating anxiety and chronic insomnia.
Don't wait for the narcissist to change course. He/she knowes he can control and manipulate you at any time.
Some spouses take the step to sever their relationship from these highlydisturbed individuals. They strrengthen themselves physically, mentally, psychologically and spiritually. Begin with self care: get the rest and sleep that you deserve, good nutrition and hydration, movement and exercise that works for you, restoration through Nature, doing expressive writing with edit or judgment, rediscovering your many unique creative gifts.
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The outer image, the persona of the high level narcissist is irresistible: beauty, handsomeness, magnetism, pseudo empathy, extreme self confidence, brightness. These are some of the qualities of high flying narcissists who are extraordinarily successful in our world today.
The number of high level narcissists is increasing faster than we can count. Our current society rewards them for their worldly success. Having integrity and a fine character matter less now than it did in the past.
Our current society rewards them for their worldly success despite the number of people they have psychologically abused; those they have left in financial ruin. Some individuals have become physically ill from the stress of living with them decade after decade.
When you are at your lowest emotional ebb the narcissistic spouse/partner will verbally pounce on you without mercy. They are determined to bring you down. They assume the role of victim which they play to the hilt.
High level narcissists lead secret lives which they compartmentalize. They are known for their affiars, clandestine meetings, seductive acting out behaviors.
After years, even decades of psychological abuse you can tolerate these cruelties of mind and heart no longer. You are exhausted, experience oxidative stress, chronic anxiety and insomnia.
After making your decision to leave the narcissist you go through the ordeal of divorcing the high level narcissist. They hires attorneys to intimidate you into complete capitulation. They seek to wear you down with their dirty fighting.
Despite it all, you come through the divorce process. You have re-activated your strong, grounded sense of self. You folllow the pathways that lead to healing and transformation, putting yourself first. Self care each day is your routine. Getting the rest and sleep that you deserve; eating quality food, good hydration, movement and exercise, you strengthen yourself and develop a powerful stamina of mind, body and heart. Your self entitlement blooms and grows. You embrace your full identity, individuality and creativity.
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If you have been married to or partnered with a high level narcissist for decades or a short time, remember that your "relationship" with this person is expendable. High level narcissists are ruthlessly wanton and careless about the feelings of others, even their own children.
Children are often used as attractive props that enhance the narcissist's image and status. After all, if your child is very attractive and has a myriad of talents and capacities, the narcissistic mother or father will have endless bragging rights.
This person is incapable of actually loving his/her child. Authentic feelings are not part of the narcissist's vocabulary. They tell great stories about their devotion to their spouses and children but this makes for great drama and image enhancement.
Spouses who get out of line by psychologically working to become individuals and separate from the narcissist become the enemy. After all, they are no longer servile--the one who gives the king or queen his crown and scepter.
Even before the divorce it is not unlikely that the narcissistic spouse has found your replacement. He or she has already drifted to new sources of psychological supply that will keep his ego fully inflated.
There is no sadness or regret from the narcissist about all of those years together. You are shocked and distraught. The high level narcissist pivots quickly to his/her next exciting supply. One partner or spouse is interchangeable with the other.
Protect yourself from the high level narcissist. Research this personality structure. Understand their strategies, the way they think--about themselves only--, their ruthlessness, horrendous lack of empathy, chronic lying, ducplicity, manipulations, empty promises.
Pay attention to your psychological, emotional and creative needs and wishes. Don't blame yourself for becoming involved in a marriage with a narcissist. They fool most people all the time.
Focus on your self, your talents, your well being and sense of inner peace. Now you will be lighter, simpler, more creative as you rediscover your authentic, grounded, original self.
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There are a growing number of "spiritual teachers" who are narcissists. They are among the most magnetic and charismatic of individuals.
We are in a time of many uncertainties, a kind of roller coaster ride. Many are seeking a sense of peace and groundedness.
Coming to the rescue are "narcissistic gurus" who have all the answers. Charismatic, charming, excellent communicators and story tellers, these individual are offering courses that promise to rehape your life, to calm you down, even to mak you rich. Many of these "spiritual teachers" are covert narcissists who convincingly pretend to be humble and unmaterialistic. .
Narcissistic gurus often come with fine academic credentils. Other call themselves holistic healers, medical intuitive.
Often attractive physically with excellent communications skills, they can captivate any audience with a short period of time.Many spiritual gurus travel the world, peddling their packages which costs thousands of dollars. The goal is enlightenment---the expensive way.
There are expensive seminars to exotic, exciting locations. There are levels of membership. The more you pay, the greater the access to the "guru" and it could mean a seat at his'/her inner golden circle.
Narcissistic spiritual gurus are confidence men and women. They don't give a amn about our psychological or spiritual welfare.They live only for themselves, their godlike images and the fruits of their labors---becoming more wealthy and controlling the minds, emotional and psyches of others.
There is a time of insight and awakening in the true nature of theses narcissistic spiritual gurus who lack conscience and integrity.
This is your time to put the emphasis on your self healing and restoration: Get the rest and sleep that you deserve; healthy pure food, good hydration, spend time with Nature, the great healer, access your many creative gifts, grow in wisdom with you intuition.
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There is an extra psychological burden placed on daughters of narcissistic mothers. If they are not the chosen child they are expected to be at the instant service of mother---day and night. Some narcissistic mothers think nothing of awakening their children even in the middle of the night of they want something or just need to vent.
Their behaviors are often unpredictable and anxiety provoking to their children. Those outside the walls of the house, even those who are "close friends" of the family never have any idea of how sadistic and cruel these mothers are.
Narcissistic mothers are incapable of psychological attachment to their daughters. They view them as animate objects to be used to fulfill their goals, especially to enhance their false image of being a good parent.
In many instances the oldest daughter raises the other children in the family. Some of these girls are as young as seven years old when the entire burden of taking care of the younger one is foisted on their small shoulders. I have been in communication with a number of daughters who had to take on this role. It is quite remarkable that a young girl could be capable of this level of responsibility. These adult daughters say thet they had no choice. They were there and caring for the little ones was expected of them and they did all of the hard work.
These little mothers were never praised. Rather the narcissistic mother found every opportunity to criticize her daughter at every turn. These daughters never had a childhood; they were forced to grow up too fast. Many of them had to work from early in the morning, taking care of the very young ones, getting them off to school, taking care of them when they arrived back home and tucking them into bed at night. Meals and baths and reading were all done by the daughters of the narcissistic mother. This is remarkable.
Adult daughters of narcissistic mothers have to deal with a double burden. They dealt with the coldness, deceptions, lies and unpredictability of a non-mother.
Many of these adult daughters of narcissistic others are loving mothers to their own children. Others decide not to have chlldren. They have sustained too much emotional deprivation to consider having children of theor own and repeat the process of raising them all over again. Daughtes of narcisistic mothrs are amazing survivors who deserve our deep respect. They have done everything possible to survive psychologically and have sustained their younger siblings depite the fact that they were children themselves. The power of perseverance and compassion in these individuals is inspiring It renews our hoe in human nature.
Growing up as the daughter of a narcissistic mother you didn't learn about self care or self love. It was not part of your emotional or psychological vocabulary from the beginning. You remember the constant anxiety and terror you felt with every step your narcissistic mother took toward you. You recall her terrifying eyes as she stared you down. Some of these mothers use physical abuse as a way of indocrinating their daughters; others use psychological verbal abuse, telling you from your first memories how ugly and stupid you were, that you would never amount to anything, that mother would always win. Narcissistic mothers control by way of constant intimidation, criticisms and outrageous demands that cannot be fulfilled. Often these mothers have their spouses under their control.
Daughters of narcissistic mothers have no respite. They are always in fight or flight mode---the sympathetic nervous system. They can never let down and relax because they don't know when the narcissistic mother will begin one of her cruel offensives. These non-mothers often pick a golden child and demand that the other children follow suit. They can never measure up because the system is rigged in favor of the narcissistic mother and the golden child.
After the battles of growing up the daughter of the narcissistic mother has difficulty with her sense of a solid identity. She feels guilty because she didn't meet her narcissistic mother's expectations (which were imossible). There will come a time when you become aware that your mother had a serious psychological problem.
Daughters of narcissistic mothers deserve to learn and practice Self Care and Self Love. This is part of our true natures. You are entitled to experience a sense of deep inner peace, to use your imagination spontaneously, to appreciate the magic of music, to be able to sleep with peace and a sense of security, to have full use of your unlimited creativity, to express your affection and love for others.
Self care begins with thinking about what is essential for you each day. It is learning how to quiet your mind, to get exercise that keeps you physically and psychologically strong, to find friends that are truthseekers like you who support your new life, to seek knowledge that fascinates you, to write spontaneously what is in your inner life and comes through naturally, to seek knowledge that fasinates you, to spend time outdoors and listen to the birds, watch the movement of the winds and the playing of the skies around you.
As you make the practice of self care an integral part of your days, you will begin to appreciate yourself more and finally you will know self love.
You think of the little child that survived the narcissistic mother, of her bravery borne of great durress, of how often she cried, of the incredible way that she saved her precious self. I am deeply moved by and love these special daughters.
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"In narcissistic personaities the experience of emptiness is most intense and almost constant..." (Otto Kernberg, M.D., clinical expert on the narcissistic personality).
"The narcissist's experience of emotional emptiness is beyond sadness. It is a severe and intractable wounding,..., a pain...savage and deep. The psychological (inner) landscape of the narcissist is bleak. (Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life, Linda Martinez-Lew, Ph.D., LMFT).
As a result the high level narcissist is a very restless human being, always surveying his/her external environment for narcissistic supplies: adulation, praise, self-indulgence, the company of highly attractive men and women, sexual escapes, the pursuit of material indulgence, the company of highly attractive men and women, seeking raw power to control others, manipulation of those whom they experience as competitors.
"The successful narcissist creates an intricate system of positive feedback in the form of friends, associates, partners, spouses---who perpetually fufill his endless needs." (From Freeing Yourself From the Narcissist in Your LIfe). The narcissist is incapable of having a real relationship with another person. He/she doesn't have a relationship with himself/herself. Everything in his/her life is externalized and the most prized possession of all is the elaborate golden image that he/she creates and perpetuates all of his life.
Deep inside the narcissist experiences himself/herself as psychologically empty. These powerful feelings are unconscious to him.her. At the core the narcissist is full of self loathing, living as a false self, unable to be real, to reciprocate feelings of affection or love. Emotionally he/she is shallow and incaapable of creating or sustaining any authentic human relationships.
Narcissistic emptiness in many ways drives the high level narcissist's obsessive greed.
High level narcissists are extraordinarily greedy. Greed is an extreme desire and pursuit to obtain more than what one needs, especially material largesse. They are never satisfied with what they have and are very competitive with other narcissists.
They always must be at the very pinnacle, the top of the mountain, the guy or girl who takes home all of the marbles (even if he/she steals them from others.) In our current narcissistic society, voracious greed has become acceptable to many people.
High level narcissists surround themselves with a charmed circle of people who provide him/her with unending narcissistic supplies: praise, adoration, continuous kudos, even worship. These individuals are obsessively loyal to the narcissist as long as they can fuse with his/her grandiosity, extreme self entitlement and delusional world.
When you learn and understand the dynamics of the high level narcissistic personality, you have gained knowledge, insight and power. Now you understand what makes these individuals function, why they react with such venom and their feverish search for narcissistic supplies to fill up the bottomless pit of their psychological emptiness.
Learn how to emotionally detach from the high level narcissist and maintain your psychological boundaries. You are entitled to respect and being treated as a separate human being who has intrinsic value, integrity, dignity and wisdom.
Practice self care each day: rest and sleep that you need and deserve, revitalizing experiences with Nature, meditation as you understand this, movement and exercise that works for you, using your unique creative gifts.
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The high level predatory narcissist is often found at the upper echelons of power in private and public sectors. To most people they are unrecognizable in this role. These individuals are beyond clever and cunning. They are masters of image, disguise, theatre, seduction. Many attend the finest universities, have the highest credentials in many professional fields. They are exalted in our current society by many, bestowed honors and awards for their important work and looked up to as role models by their peers, followers and friends.
High level narcissistic predators are a special breed. They have climbed and succeeded to the pinnacle of their professions. Almost everyone is fooled by them. Their main focus is in wielding power and manipulating others with great skill through clandestine means. There are no limits to their ambitions. They place themselves strategically to achieve the maximum influence over others whom they view as pawns in their dirty games.
They learned the art of sizing up people early, have mastered all of the social skills and ways of flattering people into falling for them. They act like team players but behind the scenes they use associates to plot against those who would block their path. They spread lies, create ugly scenarios, defame and plot against those who get in their way.
The truth comes from those who have shared their private lives with these individuals. It is exhausting and difficult. Partners and spouses finally discover that they can no longer tolerate the abuse and suspect that there is too much immoral and unethical behavior. They must sever these toxic relationships to save themselves and their children. Divorces from these high level predatory narcissists are ugly to the max.
Those who go forward are relieved and finally free of the psychological imprisonment, secrecy and extreme oxidative stress that they have endured for decades.
Protect yourself from these highly destructive individuals who have a fixed personality disorder that is not inclined to change.
Put the emphasis on yourself. Practice self care each day - get the rest and sleep that you deserve, eat high quality nourishing food, organic if possible, good hydration, movement and exercise your way, a form of meditation as you understand this, spend time with Nature the great healer and restorer, reawaken your unique creative gifts.
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Being "played" means exploited by someone who has no intention of forming a real realtionship with you. The high level narcissists makes no commitments, is highly controlling and you become expendable.
You were a true believer in the limitless power of the high level narcissist. You believed his/her pledge to bind up the psychological wounds of your childhood nightmare. This was your rescue, your salvation you told yourself.
Seeking temporary pleasure of elation, acting out behaviors, you fell hard for the narcissist's artfully wrapped promises, the ancient tale of romantic triumph, the flying carpet of self indulgence.
You rose higher and higher in the thrall of the high level narcissist's hypnotic potion that drove you to fateful distractions: detours and switchbacks leading to endless circles of vapid nowheres. You were lost to yourself countless times, feeling the painful weariness, thinking you could not move forward another step.
Now you see through the delusions, demands, denials and dark secrets of the high level narcissist.
You stand awakened. Your psychological and emotional stamina hold you steady and true. You tell the high level narcissist with your actions, thoughts, creativity, psychological groundedness, spiritual clarity: "I Can't Be Played."
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The narcissistic power couple is thriving in today's celebrity obsessed, social media saturate culture. We find narcissistic power couples in all professions: entertainment, politics, high tech, medicine, law, the corporate world. The power couple consists of two high level narcissists who are either married or partnered with one another.
The mos timportant aspect of their identity is their tandem perfect image, the dul personas that they present to the world. Narcissistic power couples are often physically very attractive, very sealthy, grandiose, completely self entitled, glamorous, sicoally adept, well connected to power soruces.
Together they create a synergy that magnetizes people to them.
High level narcissistic power couples are both competitive and complementary to one another. They propel one another to dizzing heights of poer, wealth and material acquisitions. With two high level narcissists the glow of their presence is enhanced and the breadth of their power and fame radiates and rsonates, cutting a generous wide swath.
Together they charm, deceive, seduce andintimidate those who would dare to unseat them. They play dirty and nice, depending on their mutual goal to control, manipulate and diminish others. They are ultra frenetic climbers who step on others to acquire and maintan unlimited power.
Narcissistic power couples laead lives that are set apart from most of us. They are whisked off on private helicopters and private jets to exclusive venues all over the world. They accululate greater aggregates of wealth and power because they have close contacet with the "right people" who make sure that their timing for making profits is always precise.
The inner world of the high leve narcissistic couples is shallow, vapid, rancorous, without meaning These individuals are burned out cases, devoice of genuine human warmth and empathy.
Their "act" is worn, pathetic, empty and enert: a psychological wasteland.
You are the opporiste of the high level narcissistic couple. You possess great integrity and are genuine, compassionate and empathic. Your conscience is well developed and you are true individual of fine charcters.
Remember to take very good care of yourself: Get good rest and sleep--you deserve these times of respite and healing, eat pure food, organic if you can, good hydration, movement and exercise that works for you; express your feelings through spontaneous writing, lovely music to both calm and uplift you. Discover a form of meditation that works for you: spending time with Nature, a gentle yoga practice, rediscover the beauty, transformative power of great art. Pracice self care and self regard as often as you can. You are blessed; let your Light shine!
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Hubris in man is ever-present. Wherever there is pride there is hubris. The story of the angels cast into Hell for their hubris remains with us.
The word hubris comves from the ancient Greek, meaning extreme pride and extreme overconfidence.
Hubris is outrageous. Aristotle defined hubris as shaming the victim
The high level narcissist gains pleasure from his/her hurbristic acts. He/she is not called out on these dark deeds if they hold sway and power, if they are high placed sociall and economically.
Those who are married to or partnered with or children of hubristic high level narcissists are victims of their extreme psychopathology.
You spend years and decades married to one of these individuals go through a series of leaving them, returning and continuing the cycle to the incresing stress, psychophysiological imbalances, mood and anxidty disorders, chronic insomnia, re-traumatization from childhood.
When high level narcissists are shamelessly bad they will never admit they are wrong. All that matters is getting their way every time. When cornered they double and triple down on their lies, dceits, manipulations, exploitations and gain pleasure from domonating their spouses, ex-spouses, children, siblings business associates. Unlike you they have no shame---never did and never will. They are always right no matter their horrific misdeeds and betrayals.
They draw around them a golden circle of followers and hangers on who are loyal to them no matter what the issue. They feed off of the high level's extreme pride, economic largesse and social power.
The high level narcissist has no reason to change. This is a fixed personality disorder.
When you awaken and decide that you must separate out from the high level narcissist, this is a great moment of insight and mental and psychological clarity.
With great perseverance, wisdom and resolve you recognize that you are entitled to move forward as a separate, unique individual who deserves the full use of all of your creative gifts, to develop relationships based on self respect and integrity. . You are moving into the parasympathetic pathways of restoration, healing and the fulfillment of your original, true, creative self.
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The high level narcissist creates a compartmentalized world of lying and deception. Being married and honorable to his/her parrtner is not part of the narcissist's view of conscience. The high level narcissist is answerable exclusively to his/her needs, wants, whims, fancies, fantasies, desires. You can never trust the wrodl of the narcissist since they lie constantly and naturally.
They have been perfecting this skill since early childhood.
Why would they change these mendacious behaviors. Lies for them are an easy smooth route to their primary goals of complete control and the manipulation of everyone in his/her private and professional arenas.
Emotiona detachment is an essential facet of the narcisistic personality. The high level narcissist cannot express genuine emotions. He/she is putting on a brilliant show, a master class in method acting.
The high level narcissist who cannot be in touch with his/her authentic self and the emotions that follow is incapable of psychological intimacy and possesses a coldness tha runs through the core ofhis personality.
You ar the opposite of the high level narcissist: genuine, warm, deep, empathic, real. You can no longer share your days with the great deceiver, the narcissistic personality. This is your time to move forward on your journey of recovery, healing, transformation and creativity. Your intuitive guide leads the way: put yourself first. Eat well, move in ways that work for you, rest and sleep. Get in touch with your unique creativity. You are moving with the winds of wonder and beauty and creativity at your back. You deserve the wisdom and grace of your many creative gifts and unique individuality.
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Beneath a series of charming, alluring, charismatic masks and artifices lies the true embattled, damaged real self of the narcissist. No one perceived the inner core of this person. It is cleverly concealed with a highly inflated ego, an impeccable facade and persona. The socalled successsful narcissist surrounds himself/herself with material possesions, oulent lifestyles, houses, cars, trappins that speak loudly: "I am theb est; I am a winner, I am perfect; I am very special." in a series of self-congratulatory pronouncements.
The narcissist is a very restless, easiy bored human being. He cnnot simple "be." Often peripattetic with a high metaborlic rate, he goes about his/her life at full speed. Everyone must keep up with him. He doesn't slow down or stop for anyone. He/she is always on his way to the top, to winning under any and all circumstances no matter whom he hurts or discards. His/her goal is always to top and better others. The narcissist truly believes conscously that he/she is superior and better than othres. These "inferior" individuals exist only to serve him/her. The narcissist is running so fast as a defense against the self negative feeling that he/she is concealing deep inside the unconscious, in the impaired real self.
The core of the narcissistic personality remains for the most part unknown to the narcissist himself. This is due to his/her impenetrable defense mechanisms, especially Denial.
Inability to have insight is caused by an inner psychic core that is hollow, inert, fragmented, severely regressed--at approximately two years of age. This is the age at which the psychic structure of this child stopped growing and evolving.
Those who share their lives with narcissistic personalities, especially spouses and children, trvel a very difficult and complex path. Since the narcissist is incapable of empathy and does not have a developed conscience, spouses and children are treated like human possessions that the narcissist has under his absolute control.
The narcissist controls spouses and children without mercy. He keeps them from expressing themselves as authentic, separate individuals.
You come to a time of decision knowing that you will free yourself from the narcissistic personality.
Continue your journey of the evolution of your true self. This is your intrinsic right and destiny.
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Whether you are the daughter, son, sibling, spouse, ex-spouse or partner of a narcissistic personality you have been victimized by one of these psychologically toxic individuals. Through their contaminated personalities with strong negative qualities of cruelty, dismissiveness, chronic lying, deception, exploitation and plans they execute to turn your family and friends against you through pernicious gossip and innuendo, the narcissistic personality wreaks havoc and horrendous duress for which he or she is never held accountable
Most people don't undersatnd how one individual can be so callous and cruel. When those victimized by narcissists tell their story to close relatives and friends, they are not believed. or the person will say: "Get over it." "You are exaggerating." "Where are you getting all of these irrational ideas about him/her." And on and on.
It is nauseating to watch the level of delusion in which many people live. They want to believe the best about narcisistic personalities---Really? Do they know anything about this severe psychopathology? No! Do they want to find out? No! They want "happy talk" and nothing more. I suggest that if you have been victimized by a high level narcissist and you are in the process of recovery, keep your distance from those who don't believ you. It is not worth all the torment, lack of understanding and absence of respect that you go through with those who make no effort to comprehend the level of your duress.
Focus on your healing process. Associate with people you can trust and will continue to be supportive and watch you grow. Give yourself tremendou credit for reclaiming and rescuing yourself on every level: physical, psychological, emotional, spiritual.
Practice self care in the ways that work best for you: rest and sleep, rediscovering your creativity, nouriishing food, good hydration, meditation in the way that you understand this process, spending time with Nature.
You are moving forward along the pathways of your evolving true self with all of your creative gifts, embracing your individuality and rediscovering your magnificent freedom.
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Covert narcississts are a rare breed whom most poeple believe are fine human beings. While they are showing their enhanced false personas, everyone is buying their story and heaping on praise, You are married to this impossible person. Very few outside of the family will ever find out how psychologically toxic the covert narcissist is.
Spouses are victims of narcissistic abuse---veiled threats to ruin your reputation, constant put downs and stunning humiliations, being told that you are at fault (when it is the narcissist who has made egregious mistakes), bout after bout of Vesuvian narcissistic rage. Some spouses feel that they deserve this horrendous treatment because they think little of themselves. They have been emotionally and psychologically pummeled all of their days and don't kow the difference.
Some know that the marriage is a trvesty, that they are suffering from serious symptoms of stress--They are maxed out with chronic headaches, free floating anxiety, hyper-vigilance, chronic insomnia, intestinal discomforts and obsessive self doublt and lack of confidence.
Those who recognize that they can no longer tolerate the emotional, psychological and physiological pain and stress chronically projected upon them, make the decision to sever the relationship through divorce or separation.
As you awaken start with self care each day: getting the sleep and rest you need and deserve, nourishing food, pure water, sleep and rest that you need and deserve.
Spend time with Nature for healing and restoration, expressive writing that expands your consciousness and restores your psycholgical grounding.
Now you move forward in hope, creativity, personal freedom and the full expression of yourself as a unique, precious, extraordinary individual.
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High level narcissists live srictly for themelves. They bring individuals into their lives---spouses, partners, ex-spouses, children, siblings, friends, business associates, to play "roles" that build and enhance their grandiose images and masks of their ubiquitous false selves. Narcissists are disingenuous, incapable of being true, real or authentic.
High level narcissists create chaois, pain and destruction wherever they go. Those who have grown up as children of a narcissistic mother or father, know this story too well. I hear from many of these children and the tales are hair-raising. Children are emotionally and psychologically neglected, treated like dirt or in the other extreme---chosen as perfect living replicas of themselves. These ar the golden children who are picked from the rest of the pack for their physical beauty or handsomeness, intellectual brightness, athletic potential, social graces---they embellish the high level narcissist's self image. On the opposite end are the children who are treated with derision and scorn, those who are beaten verbally or physically, neglected and cast out as "inferior" from the day they were born. They are the forsaken, the wretched ones of the family. The narcissistic parent has no problem inflicting severe leveals of abuse since he/she doesn't have a conscience and no capacity for empathy, compassion or guilt.
If you are the child of a high level narcissist, married to or divorcing a narcissist or have any relationship with one of these toxic individuals, your greatest assets are the power and depth of your knowledge of the narcissistiic personality and routines and practices of self care: Learn to appreciate your real self deeply. Develop a sense of self entitlement: get the sleep and rest that you deserve --Learn how to practice rest. You deserve this! If you are resting and fall asleep, this is so positive; it is what you need and deserve. Movement and exercise that works for you; keeping solitude with yourself; expressive writing with a pen as you write down unedited thoughts, feelings, dreams, reveries. Explore your creativity in all of its forms: sketching, painting, gardening, taking photo, cooking, dancing, singing and the gifts of your imagination. Move at your own pace; no one can rush you and tell you how to speak, move, think, imagine, discern, pray, sing, write---Be your precious individual self.
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It is remarkable that some extraordinary individuals survive their narcissistic families. With a narcissistic mother as matriarch and a favorite narcissistic daugher (or son) who is her top lieutenant, it becomes impossible for the other children to have the psychological space and peace to grow and become accepted for themselves. Non-narcissistic brothers and sisters are both dismissed and severely punished. Behind the closed gates and doors of the narcissistic family, horrible deeds occur.
The narcissistic mother exploits her children. Those who are favored by mother are adored, indulged and given no limits. The favored child often treats his/her brothers and sisters with disdain and disrespect and acts very superior.
For many children of narcissistic mothers the time of reckoning comes. They can no longer take the extreme abuse, the constant lies and recriminations. Some of them marry to escape the matriarchal war zone. Others leave this war zone and find their way to become independent and free of this mire of psychopathology.
Those who save themselves are to be deeply commended. You have chosen a pathway of healing, restoration and the evolution of the true, authentic, creative self.
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Shame is an uncomforatble emotions most of us experience. When we are shamed, we feel like we want to disappear, to become invisible. Shame is an intolerable feeling. We are humiliated and feel very small, even non-existent. Children who have been shamed by their parent(s) often carry these feelings into adulthood. Deeply ingrained shame can lead to a sense of inadequacy, unworthines and not having a solid resilient sense of self.
The narcissistic personality is the opposite. He or she can commit the cruelest acts and say the meanest words to another with the intention of hurting them and feel absolutely no shame or guilt as a result. Narcissists have no sense of limits. They lead their lieves without the borders of decency, compassion or conscience. Narcissists go to any lengths to get what they want.
Male and female narcissists are particularly shameful when it comes to personal, intimate relationships, including marriage. To ost narcissists, marriage is not a true union---it is a one sided business deal.
Narcissists are not good parents. They are too self absorbed, greedy and self entitled to give their attention and care to a small child. They will make sure that the family photos are seen by all of those who count. This is part of their elaborate image that must be perpetuated. Children of narcissistic parents often speak of how they were abandoned, forgotten or never emembered.
There is a time when you awaken to the true nature of this non-relationship with a narcissistic spouse or partner. Research and become knowledgeable about the narcissistic personality.
Practice self care each day: Get the rest and sleep that you need and deserve. Eat nourishing food and hydrate with pure water. Get the movement and exercise that works for you. Spend time with Nature the great healer, rediscover your true, authentic, creative self.
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The external image of the high level narcissist is the polar opposite of his/her internal world. On the outside the classic narcissist is often physically attractive, highly self confident, overflowing with charm. You feel the strong handshake, the eyes that penetrate your gaze, the rising of the jaw that tells you they are sure of every step. They spin phenomenal visions that are fueled by their grandiosity. Many people are facinated by the narcissist in full bloom, exhibiting all of his/her persuasive gifts.
Beneath the glittery, irresistible surface, the inner world of the high level narcissist is empty, bleak and dark. There is an inert quality to the inner narcissist. These individuals are unacquainted with their unconscious feelings about themselves. They believe their finely spun delusions. They convince others that they are superior and super human. Their followers are blindly loyal and believe they can do no wrong. Deep in the unconsicous the narcissist is drowning in his/her self loathing and fraudulence. He is psychologically empty and emotionally rudderless.
If you are married to or partnered with a high level narcissist, despite the role that you play, know that this person is never going to change. This is a severe personality disorder that is fixed and rigid. The narcissist lives in a psychological darkness that pulls others down into its depths.
How long will you stay and be disastrously affected by this individual. Are there enough material rewards to cover up the stench of his/her vile deeds and deceits.
Listen and you will hear the voice of your intuition rising, speaking to you in a compelling tone, telling you: "Get out now. Leave. Don't stay or you will be trapped and lose yourself."
There are many who have successfully removed themselves from the high level narcissist's world. They have re-discovered themselves as individuals. The cracks of light have lengthened. You see through the narcissist's curtains of delusions and false personas.
Practice self care each day: rest, sleep, eat nourishing food, pure water, movement and exercise your way, a form of meditation that fits your definition, time with Nature that is grounding and restorative.
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As much as you have studied, anayzed and experienced the high level narcissist, the unbounded heights of their grand delusions of self are astounding. Watching them perform is both riveting and appalling.
The high level narcissist builds his/her delusons over time starting with the earliest years particularly if he/she is the golden child. In some families there are a couple of children who are branded as pure gold, highly prized, invaluable, perfect.
If you are treated and told from babyhood that you are perfect, can make no mistakes, that you reign above others in every respect, it is understandable that certain children would take on the identity of the high level narcissist. With mother and/or father continually showering you with compliments, statements about your brillance, myriad of gifts, your personal powers of charm, self confidence and charisma, it is not surprising that the golden child narcissist is born of the heavy prental barrages of a kind of worhsip on their part. Their other children are considered very mediocre.
Contributing to the grand delusion of the narcissist is the lack of conscience which doesn't develop. This is the result of the parents' not placing any limits or boundaries on the budding narcissist. These parents doen't teach this child right and wrong, the capacity for empathy or an interest and respect for individuals other them himself/herself.
As a result the budding high level lacks a conscience. Of course he or she would not be foolish enough to get caught in their lying wys. They are cunning and clever enough to cover their tracks and in some instances create a diversion and manipulate that works so that others are blamed for their misdeeds. Beneath the surface in the unconscious the high level narcissist is psychologically a two year old tantrum mode when he/she doesn't completely get his way, despite his/her negative character traits: demanding, outrageous, manipulative, exploitive callousness.
Are you too familiar with this description and analysis of the high level narcissist? Were you married to or partnered with one of these impossible individuals? Did you have to deal with a high level narcissistic parent who treated you with humiliations and disdain?
At a point of awakening you are clear about the true nature of the high level narcissist, his/her delusions, cunning, lack of conscience, exploitiveness, mendacity, total lack of empathy.
Practice self care each day: get the rest and sleep you need and deserve, eat pure food--organic if you can, movement and exercise that works for you, your form of meditation.
Give yourelf great credit for the journey you have taken, the insights you have made, the perserverance that leads you to this point of awakening and choosing yourself, that wonderful individual of courage and wisdom. You ride now with the wind at your back; the vistas are wide and beautiful, the beginnings of new chapters to be written by you are straight ahead.
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A beast of burden is defined as an animal who carries heavy loads or must do very hard work.
Narcississists often put their children, spouses, siblings and othes in these roles as human beasts of burden. Ineffect their children, spouses and siblings are their servants.
The malevolent narcissist is imperious. He/she is the ruler in every "relationship." Children of narcissists lead their lives at the mercy, whim, impulse, psychopathology of their highly disturbed parents. The narcissisist gives orders---quite literally---and those close to him/her are expected to obey on the spot. Growing up, children depend on the parent for survival. They have no alternative. Being raised by a narcissistic parent, the child has no real support, validation, emotional closeness, feelings of security or protection or sense of entitlement. Children growing up with a narcissistic parent(s) describe that they felt like prisoners in their own homes. Often they hid from the narcissistic mother or father, fearing that they would have to tolerate one more screaming session, accusation, humiliation, volleys of criticisms and threats. These children live under emotional and psychological siege. They have trouble sleeping at night. They feel unsafe in their own homes. Some suffer from constant free floating anxiety.
The narcissistic parent is highly demanding of what he or she wants and must have. Angry commands must be responded to. Chores must be done perfectly on the spot. Nothing is ever good enough for the narcissistic parent. He/she always finds flaws and the chilllllld is a fault. This is the narcissist's serious delusional state not the child's.
The narcissistic spouse is impossible---making outrageos demands, throwing criticisms right and left, making the partner feel unworthy and defective. Many spouses of these narcissists stay married to them. They continue to take the psychological blows and to become human beasts of burden who will do the bidding of the narcissistic partner, regardless of how depleted, exhausted or frustrated they are. They are devoted to someone who is hurting them. They feel the stress and pain and the mental distress---yet they continue in these roles, often throughout the marriage. When the narcissist gets too bored with someone he/she can kick around too easiyl, this person will be discarded and replaced.
Some narcissisic spouses keep their human beasts of burden indefinitely. They hae found someone who is loyal, will always fulfill their every need--regardless of its outrageousnes and continue to adore and provide the narcissist with cascades of narcissistic supplies.
There are others who come to an awakening and recognize that you will put yourself first.
As a result of your research and clear intuitive sight you see through the false personas, the true nature of the malevolent narcissist. Now you have opened your pathways to rediscovering the gifts and boons of your original true self.
Give yourself credit for your persevrance, courage, your strong belief in yourself, your mental and psychological stamina. Focus on yourself and movement into the restorative, calming pathways of the parasympathetic of self care and the full use of your unique creative gifts.
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Many daughters of narcissisic mothers don't realize for years that this woman projected that she detested you daily. If you were scapegoated, your childhood was exceedingly harsh. You were aaat the mercy of a sadistic, cold mother.
On the outside there are acquaintances and friends of your narcississtic mother who believ that she is the best human being on the face of the earth. She is so devoted to her children despite her outside career. She worked constantly on this external person to make everyone believe what a fine mom she was.
Inside the home narcissistic mother is a completel nightmare. These non-mothers are cold and inexpressive. They don't have a moment to speak with their daughters who needs them. They are always busy, rushing to work, spending evenings completely out of touch with their children.
Some narcissistic mothers choose one daughter as a target for the worse abuse. I have known these daughters who weathered daily intmidations and humiliations, constantly undermining this child.
There are daughters of narcissistic mothers who leave the houshold early. They can no longer tolerate the level of maternal narcissistic abuse.
I congratulate your courage and fortitude. You know the truth. You are a fine human being. Your mother is a severe personality disorder.
Daughters of narcissistic mothers: I Hear You and See Your Tears, that lost, forlorn look on your face, the longing in your gut to be held and hugged, the deepest wish for a loving maternal gaze, a mother's words of praise and pride in her daughter.
Take time for yourself; listen to the internal voice telling you to: rest, sleep, find solitude, resdiscover your creativity, humor, your own pace, beautiful music, freedom to express yourself in te most authentic ways that are characteristic of you as a unique individual.
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Human greed has been with us for tens of thousands of years. Greed is one of the great sins---the relentless pursuit of wealth, properties, luxurious possessions and the dark manipulations that are part of this game of pursuing more. In society there are high level nrcissists throughout history who have based the purpose of their existence on how much they could acquire and control. This is at the core of their being day and night.
Greedy high level narcissists are highly manipulative. With their obsessive need for more they plot and plan how they will exploit others, including their spouses, ex-spouses, relatives, children, "friends", business associates. Everyone presents an opportunity for the high level "use" others to keep their egos fully inflated.
Male and female high level narcissists pursue partners and prospective spouses who are well connected socioeconomically. Heirs and heiresses are their favorites. This is the perfect partner for one of these high stepping, material largesse, obsessed high level narcissists. They do deep research to find the precise individuals who will fit their specifications. This person must be very attractive, well educated at fine schools and very impressive social connections.
High level greeedy narcissits are "gifted" at finding their way into these privileged circles.
Often attractive and handsome with magnetic charm, they engage theindividuals on their A list of possible conquests. The high level knows exactly how to play people, make them feel unique and special, cater to their interests, passions, wishes and what make them tick. They know exactly how to flatter you with their words and charming non-verbals: riveting eye contact, appearing to be fascinated by everything you say and do. These are award winning method actor performances.
Many are enraptured by the high level narcissists and so captivated they partner with and marry, these high climbers. Some times the partner has no idea that he or she is being manipulated and exploited. The narcissistic partner insists on using your assets and properties to finance their excursions into business deals. For narcissistic personality what belongs to you is theirs. When the greedy high level narcissist has acquired enough money is tired of the current spouse, hr or she moves on to the next money making source. It's like gold prospecting. You strike gold, mine it out and then move on to the next possible gold rush.
For the high level narcissist you are a comodity and resource that makes him very rich. You are interchangeable with others. If you don't bring it forward he will easily find someone else. For the high level greedy narcissist, everyone is expendable.
If you are partnered or married to a greedy high level narcissist there is a time of reckoning of becoming awakened to the true nature of the narcissistic personality. You can no longer be exposed to their psychological and moral toxicity. You are exhausted from their taking advantage of you, psychologically, financially, emotionally, creatively and spiritually.
You stand firmly grounded on your individual wisdom and insight. Now you move forward along the pathways of the healing and the restorative parasympathetic of self-care, the fruits of your unique creativity, the beauty of your self expression, spontaneity, solitude of inner peace. Give yourself tremendous credit for this journey and always listen to your intuition.
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Covert narcissists create and maintain a delusional world where they are perfect and everyone else is flawed except for those who dwell within their tightly controlled golden circles. It is from these chosen individuals that the narcissist receives abundant overflowing cascades of narcissistic supplies: praise, adulation, veneration, perpetual positive attention and affirmation. The covert narcissist is unable and unwilling to look inside at his/her character flaws, his multiple cruelties perpetrated on to others, including spouses, partners children and siblings. Though highly judgmental and demeaning of his fellow human beings, the covert is decidedly unintrospective. He moves through life at mach speed, disrupting the snese of security and inner peace of all those who bruise his/her grandiose ego.
Control obsessed, the covert directs with minute detail the actions, feelings, thoughts and words of those closest to them. He/she is a ominous prsence in their daily lives, a specter of terror and dread.
The covert with his/her undramatic, underplayed image fools most people. Gifted at affecting a believable fake empathy, he/she passes himself/herself off as a fine human being of solid character who always want the best for you.
All of this is a lie, a delusion, a mirage, a cruel farce.
Covert narcississ are determined to break you psychologically and emotionally by keepin you in the fight or flight mode, a state of psychophysiological siege so that you will submit to their sadistic demands.
They keep you panicked and immobilized so that yo compromise yor good judgment and relinquich your power over to them.
They seize on your fear of abandonment to keep you psychologically fused with them and at their command.
They infliect guilt on you when irinically they are the moral and emotional transgressors.
They seek revenge when you show assertion or independence of though or action. They threaten to dissemble your close relationships with others by gossiping and spreading ugly rumors and lies about your character.
With secret cunning they can devise long range intricate plans to steal your perosnal financial assets and properties and leave you with nothing.
After many years spent under the domination and duress of the covert narcissist, you have a time of reckoning. You know clearly through your research, discernment and intuition that you are separating from and leaving the covert narcissistic spouse/partner. You move forward along the pathways of self care and the evolution of your authentic, creative self. You are steadfast and grounded. The winds are at your back. Give yourself tremendous credit for advocating and acting for yourself---a precioius, strong, grounded individual of great character!
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In a roiling sea of high level narcissists you are often in a state of anxiety, worry, self-doubt, uncertainty, confusion. This is not surprising since the high level narcissist is a tricky, shape shifting individual.
Infused with mesmerizing charm, gifts of seduction and persuasion it is difficult not to become entranced with the high level. The possess a kind of magic presence drawn from one of their enchanting personas. Their eye contact is riveting, almost hyponotic. We feel their appraisal and moves toward us. They step up their game and make plans to catch you in their psychological butterfly nets.
The high level narcissist searches out those whom he/she wants to become part of is coterie, his enchanted circle, that place of honor that the high level bestows on people in his/her intimate enclave. After years of blind devotion and arduous work the narcissist will discard you without ceremony if he/she hasa found someone better to serve his outrageous demands and impossible standards. His/her search for self-aggrandizement has no bounds. Above all the high level narcissist is ultimately an exploiter, usurping the talents, creative energies and at times the morality and decency of others.
Exploitive and controlling, the high leel narcissist plots and plans his/her moves toward you.
As you move through your awakening to the true nature of the high level narcissist, remember who you are---the exact opposite of these individuals.
You can and will prevail and recover and restore your true original self.
Be reminded of the gifts which are unique to you. You are strong, sensitive, kind, intelligent, empathic, resolute, of fine character, creative and holy within.
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You have known for too many seasons that your partner/spouses was lying to yu by commission and omission.
High level narcissists get a thrill out of lying to you. You are under his/her control and the narcissist knows that he/she can play you any he wants. The high level has taken your measure and found your deepest vulnerabilities, your empathy, integrity, individuality.
The shameless narcissist lies with ease. Chronic lying is a permanent personality fixture of the high level narcissist.
As the high level narcissist lies, he/she oozes charm that reinforces your attachment to them.
You made countless efforts to convince yourself that the narcissistic spouse or partner is a good person. You hold on to your false beliefs about the high level narcisist and as a result postpone your right to inner peace, respect for your personal boundaries and the rediscovery of your limitless creative gifts.
Now your compass is due North----finding the source, the beauty, the hope, calm, solitude, creativity and individuality unbounded.
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Covert narcissists flash sunny smiles and sigh about your psychological pain but thrive in secret fantasies of raising themselves up and bringing you down. Most people are completely fooled by the covert narcissist. This is not surprising since their camoflage is impeccable. Covert narcissists talk in self effacing even humble ways about themselves. They downplay their worldly achievements while making sure that you hear every detail about them. They downplay their worldly achievements while making sure that you hear every detail about them. They play just plain folks, secretly telling themselves how superior they are. Covert narcissists are highly competitive even while playing the role of servant. In their professionala nd personal lives they plot ahead how they will defeat you. They intimately understand your weaknesses and sore spots, the places in you that are fragile and eff shell thin.
Cover narcissists move forward with great force to get exactly what they want. Operating in the psychological shadow, the covert narcissist has displaced and discarded you before you feel the full impact of the abandonment. There are no pangs of conscience for these individuals, only victory. The covert narcissist collects admirers and followers like charms on a solid gold bracelet.
The best offense against the covert narcissist is your excellent research and your deep intuition. You will hear their treacle tongued words, praising you and scoring points---persuading you to trust them. The covert narcissist is a skilled actor, a master at flattery, pseudo empathy and false humility. If you are steady and receptive to the subtle cues, you will recognize this secretive narcissist with dispatch. Step out of their pathway and move forward. Their are too many authentic individuals in the world to be psychologically abused by one of these cunning operators.
Trust your inner wisdom as ou move forward along pathways that lead to your healing, restoration, transformation and the evolution of your authentic, true, creative self.
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Many people are so taken with the compelling, thrilling, seductive false selves of the high level narcissist that they are incapable and unwilling to perceive these malevolent individuals for who they truly are--vile exploiters of those whom they psychologically and meantal control. With cunning, a contagion of charm and promises of worldly success, the high level narcissist moves through his/her days with ebullient self confidence.
Their delusions of grandeur and perfection are seamless. Their upward trajectory can be explained by their obsession with self aggrandisement.
When things go wrong they make sure that someone else is always blamed---often an associate or marital partner who doesn't understand how virulent this personality is.
Their obsessive focus is always themselves, what they are entitled to have, whom they will control, how much power they will acquire, how they will defeat their enemies---real and imagined, while maintaining an impeccable persona.
A quote from my book: Freeing Yourself From the Narcissist in Your life summarizes these qualities: "The narcissist has an incredible sense of self-entitlement. Everything is about him and belongs to him. He/she smoothly oversteps the personal boundaries of others, mistreating, devaluing and humiliating them to bend them to his will and his desires."
After a number of years, you come to a time of awakening to the true nature of the high level narcissist. As a result of your research and clear intuitive sight you see through the false personas of the high level narcissist.
Give yourself credit for your perseverance, courage your strong belief in yourself, your mental and psychological stamina. Focus on yourself and moement into the restorative, calming pathways of the parasympathetic of self care and the full use of your unique creative gifts.
Click below for my paperback and eBook:: Recovering and Healing After the Narcissist on Amazon. Check the Search Inside and discover specific healing and restorative practices for the evolution of your true, authentic self.
https://tinyurl.com/2p92ymam
Click below for tthe Shows of Podcasters on the Mental Health News Radio Network, an invaluable global source on every facet of Mental Health.
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Many people are so taken with the compelling, thrilling, seductive false selves of the high level narcissist that they are incapable and unwilling to perceive these malevolent individuals for who they truly are--vile exploiters of those whom they psychologically and meantal control. With cunning, a contagion of charm and promises of worldly success, the high level narcissist moves through his/her days with ebullient self confidence.
Their delusions of grandeur and perfection are seamless. Their upward trajectory can be explained by their obsession with self aggrandisement.
When things go wrong they make sure that someone else is always blamed---often an associate or marital partner who doesn't understand how virulent this personality is.
Their obsessive focus is always themselves, what they are entitled to have, whom they will control, how much power they will acquire, how they will defeat their enemies---real and imagined, while maintaining an impeccable persona.
A quote from my book: Freeing Yourself From the Narcissist in Your life summarizes these qualities: "The narcissist has an incredible sense of self-entitlement. Everything is about him and belongs to him. He/she smoothly oversteps the personal boundaries of others, mistreating, devaluing and humiliating them to bend them to his will and his desires."
After a number of years, you come to a time of awakening to the true nature of the high level narcissist. As a result of your research and clear intuitive sight you see through the false personas of the high level narcissist.
Give yourself credit for your perseverance, courage your strong belief in yourself, your mental and psychological stamina. Focus on yourself and moement into the restorative, calming pathways of the parasympathetic of self care and the full use of your unique creative gifts.
Click below for my paperback and eBook:: Recovering and Healing After the Narcissist on Amazon. Check the Search Inside and discover specific healing and restorative practices for the evolution of your true, authentic self.
https://tinyurl.com/2p92ymam
Click below for tthe Shows of Podcasters on the Mental Health News Radio Network, an invaluable global source on every facet of Mental Health.
www.mhnrnetwork.com
Born very attractive, even beautiful, bright, extroverted, charming. She is chosen by her narcissistic father and dependent mother to rule the household, upending the lives of the children in the family.
From the beginning she is queen of the household. There is a strong psychological relationship between father and daughter.
Since early childhood his golden daughter is never corrected and controlled. She is allowed to givein to all of her impulses and whims while the other children are treated strictly and have to tow the line.
She can do no wrong; she walsy gets what she wants and is always right espcially when she is very wrong.
She is sent to the fines schools while the other children have to take these responsibilities on their ow.
Althoug she is extremely demanding, narcissistic mother never says no to her.
As a young adult golden girl has a pattern of seducing men; creating female enemies. She is a betrayer from the beginning, finding it thrilling to seduce and win the boyfriends of some of her best friends. As she grows older she graduaes to having affairs with partners of her friends and acquaintances, just because itis very exciting and she thrives on the the precarious psychological edge.
The two top forces within this golden daughter that motivates everything are manipulation and control over others to see power and material largesse.
She climbs higher and higher on the top rungs of the professional and social ladders. leaving many disrupted, exhausted, traumatized individuals behind. This golden girl narcissist never looks back. She thinks of those she has vanquished as weak, timid, incompetent, professionally wanting and socially unskilled.
In a d word,this womanis calculating, knowing exactly where she needs to go to satify her extraordinary appetites.
She moves adroitly from one partner to the next, ever climbing, having affairs throughout the journey.
This golden girl becomes notorious for her sheer nerve and ambition. She has a couple of kids for image purposes only and famr.s them off for othes to raise. When family photos are taken, she is depicted as a loving mother in the perfectly produced images that fool everyone.
Golden girl narcissist attracts coteries of faithful admirers and sychophants that identify with her professional success and impeccable image. She is envied among many societal movers and shakers.
Will she pay for her psychological sins, the trespasses that have harmed so many as she climbed, stepping over othrs to pursue her limitless ambitions. Don't wait for her to be punished or pulled back from her high perch.
Take the reins in your capable hands, recognize he true nature of this destructive narcissistic personality.
Charter your own true North course; practice self care, seek inner peace, sleep, rest, good nourisment, hydration, movement, exercise, beautiful music, activate your unique creativity.
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I hear from daughters who were trapped in the narcissistic family wars and psychopathologies. The narcissistic mother is without mercy or empathy. Narcissistic mothers who give their daughters a lot of "attention" have their own selfish motives. They are creating the perfect child who will become the ultimate narcissistic supply for them. Mother has modeled a living replica of her superiority and perfection. When children are very young, their very existence and sense of reality depends on how they are treated and how they are conditioned by their parents. Some narcissistic mothers fuse psychologically with their young daughters. The little child is encased in the psychologically prison her mother has created.
Some daughtes of narcissistic mothers become narcissistic personalities---miniatures of the pathological mother. Other daughters suffer thorughout childhood, always out of step with the cruel manipulations of their cruel, cold mothers. Some spent most of their childhood leaerning how to become invisible. They hid in their room, reading, listening to music. As they got older, they were away from the house as much as possible, visiting friends, sitting in public libraries, going to movies alone or just wandering around by themselves, doing anything toavoid mother---the fire tongued dragon blocking the cave's entrance.
Some daughters become entngled in a maze of dysfunctional relationships. They marry narcissistic men and discover they are repeating with them the entrenched familiar patterns of their family of origin---moving from narcissistic mother to narcissistic spouse.
If you are the daughters of a narcissistic mother, you have survived a very difficult journey. Take stock---embrace and celebrate you unique individual you are. Practice self care: be sure to get the rest that you need each day and the sleep that you deserve. Movement and exercise work to keep you grounded psychologically and physically. Spend time with Nature, the great restorer and source of Beauty. Explore and appreciate your unique creative gifts.
The little child is encased in the psychological prison her mother has created. Mother's message: "As long as you do, think, feel and achieve everything that I expect and demand of you, I will accept you and love you (on my terms
I hear from daughters who were trapped in the narcissistic family wars and psychopathologies. The narcissistic mother is without mercy or empathy. Narcissistic mothers who give their daughters a lot of "attention" have their own selfish motives. They are creating the perfect child who will become the ultimate narcissistic supply for them. Mother has modeled a living replica of her superiority and perfection. When children are very young, their very existence and sense of reality depends on how they are treated and how they are conditioned by their parents. Some narcissistic mothers fuse psychologically with their young daughters. The little child is encased in the psychologically prison her mother has created.
Some daughtes of narcissistic mothers become narcissistic personalities---miniatures of the pathological mother. Other daughters suffer thorughout childhood, always out of step with the cruel manipulations of their cruel, cold mothers. Some spent most of their childhood leaerning how to become invisible. They hid in their room, reading, listening to music. As they got older, they were away from the house as much as possible, visiting friends, sitting in public libraries, going to movies alone or just wandering around by themselves, doing anything toavoid mother---the fire tongued dragon blocking the cave's entrance.
Some daughters become entngled in a maze of dysfunctional relationships. They marry narcissistic men and discover they are repeating with them the entrenched familiar patterns of their family of origin---moving from narcissistic mother to narcissistic spouse.
If you are the daughters of a narcissistic mother, you have survived a very difficult journey. Take stock---embrace and celebrate you unique individual you are. Practice self care: be sure to get the rest that you need each day and the sleep that you deserve. Movement and exercise work to keep you grounded psychologically and physically. Spend time with Nature, the great restorer and source of Beauty. Explore and appreciate your unique creative gifts.
The little child is encased in the psychological prison her mother has created. Mother's message: "As long as you do, think, feel and achieve everything that I expect and demand of you, I will accept you and love you (on my terms
Toxic narcissists have neither limits of decency nor respect for other human beings, including family members. One narcissist allowed to abuse, control and bully freely over decades can psychologically decimate many members of one family. One of he worst constellations is the mother/father narcissistic duos. Children of these unions have it very tough. It is all about their selfish, self absorbed, cold and often enraged narcissistic parents. Children from these families learn survival skills the hard way.
Many of the victims of growing up in a narcissistic family spend yeasrs in the healing process. They learn to recognize and appreciate their identities are separate from their narcissistic family members.
Begin with self care each day: Get the rest and sleep that you need and deserve; move and exercise your way; listen to music that is very meaningful to you; spontaneous writing with a pen and paper in an unedited way offers opportunities for open personal and creative expression. Spend time with Nature and its incredible variety and beauty. Give yourself tremendous credit for the journey of restoration and transformation that you are taking. Be very kind and patient with the little child inside of you.
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Today we are surrounded by countless greedy high level narcissist in a society that has become exceedingly materialistic, coarse, Darwinian, soulless.
The high level narcissist is an elaborate act: false, cunning, acquisitive and very greedy.
The greediest are the haves, the have mores and the have mosts---always in an acquisitive states that feeds their hungry egos They go after what yo have---properties, investments, residences, business, valuable possessions, trusts, works of art.
They feed off of your creativity and steal your projects---all the while leading you to believe that they are collaborating and contributing to your success.
Narcissists are never team players. This is a pretense, a strategy, a ruse, a well honed act to gain your trust and ultimately to control you and the products of your unique creativity.
No matter how much they have and get,, it is never enough for the high level narcissist. The fever of acquisitiveness rises with every acquisition. You cannot win with these individuals if you stay partnered with them unless you are willing to become their psychological prisoners and forfeit your individuality, your unique gifts and your inner peace.
The high level narcissist doesn't care if you are left with nothing. They get what they want, discard you and move on to the next shining prize.
There is hope and redemption with those who remain steady in their grounded fine characters, steady and rising in their creative gifts. We fine them on the byways, not the main road. This is the pathway of the authentic self that speaks to you each. You are being lead by the voice of wisdom---your intuition.
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When we think of the narcissist we visualize the classic, overt iindividual at stage center: so charming, perssuasive, over-confident.
The other type of narcissist is the covert. Coverts are alway under cover; they fly beneath the radar. They appear to be mee. We see them blending into the background like a chameleon. They are full of compliments. They ask us questions that make us look very smart.
Covert narcissists are very sneaky. They are focused on finding individuals who will help them rise socially and in business as well. They recognize that you are a great "catch." that can be used to build theire image and give ghem a higher status in the society. The Covert treats you like royalty---Anything you want, I'm here for yu 24/7. This is so appealing to most people you say to yourself: "What a selfless kind person this is?" "Finally, someone I can trust."
Times moves forward but the nature of the covert narcissist does not change. You are being betrayed and keep making excuses for the narcissist's vile projections, humiliations, unrealistic demands.
The marriage/partnership has lead to psychological chaos and become very ugly
The covert is a chronic liar and completely lacks empathy.
At a point of awakening you decide that you will be true to yourself, separate from this non-relationship and move forward along you own pathways of individuality, self initiation, creativity and rediscovering your true, authentic self.
Click below to view my current paperback book on Amazon. Check out the Search Inside. This book will provide you with the tools and stratagies for healing and resotration after a relationship with a covert narcissist.
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Covert narcissists are incapable of forming and maintaining genuine relationships. A dissembler is a person who conceals their real feelings or intentions.
The covert is so secretive and clever that the victim remains unaware of what has happened to them. Some of these individuals blame themselves for the deceptive, manipulative behaviors of the covert narcissist.
Learn to recognize your self blame. This can be part of an ingrained psycholgoical pattern of thinking and feelings about yourself that is negative. Some of those who marry or partner with covert narcissists come from families where is a narcissistic mother who was incapable of love, attachment, and warmth.
Begin to change your patterns with the ccovert narcissist by putting ourself first. Get the rest and sleep you need and deserve. Nourish yourself with quality food, organic if you can. Move and exercise in the way that works best for you. Spen time with Nature - friend and teacher and the source of great beauty. Pay close attention to your intuition which always reveals the truth to you. Discover your own form of meditation. You decide what opens the doors to being calmer, more comforable with yourself, enjoying your own company the the full use of your many unique creative gifts.
Click the link below to view and purchase my recent paperback book on Amazon: Recovering and Healing After the Narcissist: Discovering Your True Self
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Click the link below for the shows by podcasters on the Mental Health News Radio Network, a magnificent collection of shows on every facet of mental healthy. I amdeeply honored that my show: The Narcissist in Your Life Podcast is on this great Network.
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We have a growing population of high level narcissists. Our narcissistic society gives them a huge pass especially if they hold wide and deep swaths of influence and power.
Don't try to wake up a high level narcissist from their slumber of intractable delusions and extreme self entitlement. They will scream in your face,, hsame you mercilessly, punish you with endless, vile projections.
The high level narcissist has been lost in the desert of non reality throughout all of his years. This is particularly the case if he or she is the golden child. From the beginning this kid ws selected as the special chosen one who symolized the perfection, brilliance and promise of his parents(s).
As a very young child this individual was not required to think of the welfare of others, how his or her presence was having a positive or negative effect upon others. The budding narcissist was given the run of the family, allowed, even encouraged to act out in the most outrageous ways.
The golden boy or girl high level narcissit is so over entitled that their sense of self becomes pathologicall inflated and highly delusional.
There is a time for you of wisdom and insight. You make the decision to separate yourself from the psychological toxicity of the high level narcissist.
You move forward each day with daily self care that you deserve: rest and sleep, good nutrition, hydration, movement and exercise, Nature, Your form of meditation and mindfulness. You deserve great credit for your awakening of your true, authentic, creative selff.
Let's begin by looking upclose at the high level narcissist's special brand of charm:
Quoting from my book: Freeing Yourself From the Narcissist in Your Life: "The high -level narcissist is gifted at radiating immense charm when he/she chooses. Charm is an enrgy, a vibration, a contagious optimistic state of mind. Charm beguiles; it can seduce us to do almost naything. The expression "pouring on the charm" has a truthful ring. It is a magic elixer that sets us soaring."
It is easy for us to get swept up in the enchantmenet of the high level narcissist's charm. We ar quickly under this spell. In this state we forget the poer of our perceptive mind and move along the swift tide of fancy, unfulfilled wishes and the magic of knowing that we can be and have anything we want.
The high level with this magic puts us in a kind of trance that removes our doubts and fears. The high level is making us believe that we can have anything we want.
Those who hitch a ride on the high level narcissist merry go round are in for a rough ride.
Behind closed doors with the high level narcissist the ugly, cruel, vile shadow of the narcissist is revealed in full. You are the recipient of the primitive projections, recriminations, humiliations of your partner, spouse, ex-souse, parent.
There is a time of awakening when you both reconize the true nature of the high level narcissist and knw that you can and must separate from this toxic, abusive individual.
Turn to your wisdom and respect for your unique individuality.
You move forward along your own pathways. Be proud of yourself for your perseverance, psychological and emotional and spiritual strength. What an accomplishment!
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There is a special kind of covert narcissist wh0 plays the martyr role so convincingly that most people believe he/she is an individual of extraordinary integrity, even holy.
This is part of the covert narcissist's well rehearsed performance. The martyred covert narcissist makes sure that he is seen as indispensable in this role. Members of his group provide him with the narcissistic supplies of adulation, paraise, adoration, veneration.
When the covert narcissist is unseen by others and inside the privacy of his/her home----everything changes: his facial expressions, the tone of his voice, his attitude. He is demanding, demeaning, cruel, verbally abusive and is a master at imposing guilt on family menbers.
No one believes the spouses and children who live with covert narcissists and how abusive and disturbed dthey truly are.
Some spouses decide that they can no longer tolerate this dreadful charade of a marriage.
At a point of insight you make the decision to separate from this non-relationship.
Now you focus on self care: sleep and rest you need and deserve, nourishing food, good hydration, moving at your own pace, the full use of your unique creative gifts. Now you are moving along the pathways of the true, authentic self.
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Quoting from my book: Freeing Yourself From the Narcissist in Your Life: "children develop a sense of right and wrong from their parents. In the beginning the young child idealizes his mother and father. As he becomes more separate psychologically from them, these idealized parental images are modified and become more realistic. A conscience develops over time as the growing child is able to take greater responsibility for his impulses and actions. The future narcissist never learns that there are moral and ethical limits (from his parents) to his behavior. His parents treat him/her like an extraordinary being---the most brilliant, creative, talented, handsome, beautiful child---who is not subject to the rules and restraints placed on others. The parental message is: "You are perfect; you can do no wrong; anything goes."
Narcissists spend their time exploiting others. They are always searching their environments watching to see what they can possess, get control,
cheat, take, steal. Their cruelties never cease.
High level narcissists don't worry about the painful, chaotic upheavals they
have created, the lives they have dissembled and upended; the plans delayed and ruined; feelings harmed beyond repair, leaving some with nothing because of their voracious greed.
You experience an awakening, deep insight into the true nature of the high level narcissist. High levels never look back. Don't expect them to be punished for their ignominious deeds
You are taking action and moving forward along your pathways of the true, authentic, creative self. the center of continuous insights and intuitions, the center of your inner wisdom.
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Covert narcissists are the most cunning, conniving and difficult personalities to detect. They are gifted chameleons who are socially skilled and capable of expressing a convincing pseudo empathy. Most people are fooled and disarmed by the covert narcissist.
Here are some examples of how they operate:
- Covert narcissist use secrecy and stealth to control yoour emotions and weaken you emotionally and psychologically.
Covert narcissists demeans and humiliate you when you are the most vulnerable.
Covert narcissists convince others they are good people who can be trusted and are worthy of your respect.
The covert is obsessed with ultimate control over others, especially those closest to him or her.
Covert narcissists constantly plot and plan how to manipulative and exploit their competitors.
Learn how to recognize the covert narcissist by studying his hidden traits, baits and snares. They play the "good person" or the "martyr" roles to the hilt. They are like fine method actors. If you don't recognize them at first, don't blame yourself. They are so clever and smooth with their psychological camouflafe they are very difficult to detect.
Pay close attention to the intuitive cues that youa re receiving and don't wae them off as irraional or insignificant. Embrace these insights.
Develop a egular practice of psychologal, emotional and nebttak ggriybdubg, This includes your for of meditation, prayer, quiet time iwth Nature and other forms of activity that are calming and restorative. Part of the practice is instilling a sense of firm respect for your personal psychological boundaries. As you move through each day, develop deep appreciation for your unique authentic true self.
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Covert narcissists are so verbally adept. Know that when they call, something is up. They rehearse their lines. Actually, they have been deceptive for so long that trying to get the best of you is ntural to them. Covert narcissists can be so subtle that if you tell someons else that you are being worked over by one of thes vipers in didguise, they won't believe you. Don't wait to get agreement or even support from many people. I hear from those who have been chronically victimized and shoved around psychologically by covert narcissits.
Covert narcissists are control obsessed. They are masterful at the art of conversation, especially if they are trying to impress you or if they want something from you. If you catch them off-guard, the conversation can be very ugly. They happily feed off of others.
Dont become a victim of victime of the covert narcissist.
The covert narcissist controls those in his/her golden circle The members of this special group look to the covert narcissist as the leader and authority figure.
Regardless of their charm, their golden words and the favors they do for you, always remember that they are narcissists---cold, calculating, ruthless, completely lacking empath, deceptive, clever liars, very secretive, exploitative.
Put the emphasis on your own psychological and spiritual (as you define it) development. Expand and deepen your creative gifts. Pay close attention to your invaluable intuition; it is the source of truth. You will find individuals who have good characters and are seeking the truth. Be kind to yourself and appreciate your authenticity, perseverance and creativity.
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High level narcissists create, build and maintain their Image, essential to their delusional reality. The narcissist's outer shell--the elaborate perfect facade is what he/she projects in the world. This image is priceless to him. From the time most narcissists were very small they developed a false sense of self. This can encompass many atttributes: attractiveness, confidence, drive, no sense of limits, the abiity magnetize, manipulate and control others.
I am speaking about a personality that is based solely on the thin veneer of the Image. There is no room here for the inner self that introspects, is capable of lauthentic loving relationships, empathy--the capacity to understand and feel on a deep level what someone else is experiencing, the alleviation of the emotional pain of others through kindness, the ability to perceive oneself clearly--the positive and the negative and make changes that move toward inner personal growth.
The high level nrcisist comes to us as a beautifully wrapped package. When you unwrap it, going through the layers, you find more image not substance. Narcissists convince most people that what they are seeing and experiencing in them is real. They believe and are taken in by the elaborate series of personas . In the beginning of a "relationship" with a high level narcissist most people are dazzled by this person's charm, their powerful personality vibration, the way they are fixated on you. They pay constant attention to you that is flattering and often spell binding. They have been studying youand know how you think and what you most desire. They know your weaknesses and impulsivities. They intend to becom unforgettable to you. High level narcissists are inclined to ossess those whom they choose to be part of their inner circle. We want to believe that we are the most important person in the world to this irresistible individual. We all want to be "the One." That is a deep desire within us as human beings. If we take this elaborate bait and are carried up and give ourelves to the narcissist we are becoming prt of his/her world. We feel giddy with this level of attention and the feeling that we can have anything we want. When we are finally seduced and joing the narcissit through marriage or partnership, we share his/her life on their terms. That's the agreeement. High level narcissists make deal not true relationships.
After being married to or partnered with a high level narcisisist we notice significan cracks in the too good to be true image. There are bursts of rage that come from nowhere. We are criticized for something we didn't do; the narcissist verbally picks at us incessantly, putting us down with cruel comments and hateful glances. We try to please him. Nothing works. What you are experiencing is the dark core of the narcissist behind the mask--that prt of the self that is seething beneath the surface. Those who live with him when the doors and windos are shut are subjected to the Jekyll/Hyde treatment. It is an ugly and frightening experience. Mr. Hyde is out, glowering up close at your face; projecting his psychological sputum on to you. The screaming starts and never seems to end; accusations fly defamations spew; threats charge the air. How much more of this re you willing to take. Hopefull, you can say to yourself: "I will not put up with this raw abuse any longer. I have had more than enough."
This is your moment of awakening, clarity, discernment--the truth! Through this insightful opening you come forth again as a unique individual--independent, strong, grounded. You are moving forward along your own pathways. The winds are at your back; the day is fair and clear.
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Divorcing A covert Narcissist is replete with many challenges: psychological, emotional, financial.
I have great respect for those who have been married to covert narcissits and are now facing the battles, the subterfuges, psychological ambushes, the deep cruelties that are involved in divorcing a narcissistic personality. Particularly with the covert narcissist, this is a thorny set of issues. The overt grandiose narcissist, so obviously self absorbed, over the top, boorish, loud, in your face is obvious. We know who we are dealing with.
Divorcing any narcissist is highly problematic. Divorcing a covert narcissist is complicated by the believeable phony personas that they use so skillfully to make most people think that they are individuals of fine character, deep caring, kind, fair, empathic.
Those who are divorcing a covert narcissist have had a tough time througout the marriage recognizing the true nature of their marital partner. So successful is the facade worn by the covert. This is one reason why partners hesitate to divorce these individuals since they spent years rationalizing that their spouse was a good preson and they were to blame for everything that went wrong with the marriage. It can take decades for a non narcissistic partner to recognize that he or she has been psychologically and emotionally abused by these highly psychopathological individuals.
It is important to understand the covert narcissist's cold, aggressive thinking. They do everything possible to wear you down, to break you emotionally, psychologically and financially.
They are determined to make you the villain, the uncooperative one, the person who is psychologicallyimpaired and uncooperative.
The covert narcissist is determined to rattle your nerves at all times by calling or texting you, even late at night.
The covert applies constant stress and pessure by refusing to negotiate or settle the divorce. They are known to drag out the process. This allows them to make you weaker and therefore to manipulate and control your feelings of fear and desperation. This is done to get you to capitulate to their will of getting everything that they want.
Getting through the divorce process---Winning the marathon.
Choose an attorney who is your true advocate: knowledgeable, fine character, easily available. The attorney must have an understand of highly manipulative, lying deceitful individuals.
Keep detailed records of all assets including, properties, trusts, bank accounts, cash, investments, expenses.
Know that you are going to get through this long race and that you will be victorious.
Practice consistent self care: good sleep, rest when you can, nourishing food, good hydration, exercise that works for you, expressive writing, time in Nature, creative activities that are rewarding. Spend time with friends you trust.
Give yourself tremendous credit for running and winning the full divorce marathon from a covert narcissist spouse.
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The high level narcissists is always boiling over with rage at some level. One incident real or invented takes him/her over the top and the malevolent projections begin. They are directed mainly at his spouses and children. These unconscious projections cause their recipients great emotional pain. Volley after volley come out of their mouths. They are unstoppable. Fulminating is one of the narcissist's frequen activities. Being the child of a high level narcissist unsettles every nerve in your body. You are living in a war zone. Bombardments of volcanic rage are coming at you. Living under these circumstances as a small child is bewildering and traumatizing.
Along with the chronic rage is the high level narcissist's restlessness. The minds of these individuals are never still. They jump from one activity to th enext, conjuring their plots and plans to make sure that they remain superior to everyone else. When they are not scheming, they ar running about these individuals are never still. They jump from one activity to the next, conjuring their plots and plans to make sure that they remain superior to everyone else. When they are not scheming, they are running about buying, spending acquiring power and material largesse.
You become the newest source of narcissistic supply: adulation, praise, social status. You make them look so good.
There is a time of deep insight for you in rediscovering the pathways of the true, original, creative self. Practice self care each day. You are moving forward with the winds of transformation and creativity at your back.
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"In nrcissistic personalities the experience of emptiness is most intense...In these cases, emptiness, restlessnesss and boredom constitute...a baseline of pathological narcissistic experience." Otto Kernberg, M.D.
The personalityof the high level narcissist is built on a false grandiose self that begins when this individual is very young. This is particularly the case if he or she is a golden child, that person who is celebrated as perfect by the narcissist parent. This child is like a second coming, a time of triumph for the parent who is convinced that this baby is perfect, amost like a small god. The parent(s) projects his deepest wishes and needs onto this child who in many ways is considered a kind of royalty.
The child is treated differently from the other famil member. Brotheres and sisters of the golden one aren not given the lavish attention, a kind of adoration that is directed at this child.
The chosen child is never corrected or admonished for bad behaviors, rather rationalizations and excuses are made for him.her.
The budding narcissist grows up as a false self with an outward rsona that is boorishly self confident, even cocky. Along with these attributes, this golden child is never wrong, at fault never makes mistakes and takes full advantage of others. When the foundations of the peronality are based on the false self, the individual iis incapable of being psychologically grounded ortrue. The false elf rules these personalities. Beneath the surface in the unconscious of the golden child narcissist, the foundation is rocky, empty, lacking psychic roots or genuineness. This personality is ungrounded in reality and as a result the high level narcissist lives in a state of denial along with the use of many degense mechanisms: projection, repression.
Those who are partnered with, married to or children of these false self narcissists cannot change them since this is a fixed personality constellation.
At a point of insight and due to your research you recognize that you must choose to move forward and leave the narcissist. You decide to choose yourself first, your individuality and your many creative gifts. You will no longer be controlled and intimidated by the faslse selves, the projections, multiple lies, rages, humiliations of the high level narcissist.
Give yourself tremendous credit for your decisions to put yourself first, to heal and restore your true individual self.
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Aggressive, controlling, tyrannical, demanding, peripatetic---This kind of overt narcissist is menacing, especially if you are married to or partnered with them. Infamous, brutal tyrants from history remind us of these venal, dark, predatory high level narcissists of present day. Caligula, Attila the Hun, Genghis Khan, Naaapoleon Bonaparte
Absolute control is an obsession with this particular narcissist. They are dictators who don't accept your individuality, independent thiking, psychological and emotional security.
Verbal threats flow freely when you are dealing with the aggressive predatory narcissist. They never let down, not for a moment. Some of them are like whirling dervishes, moving manically from one activity to the next.
They are drivn to compete without mercy. Everything about them is superior and they let you know how deficient you are.
Being their partner, spose or child puts one in the far reaches of the sympathetic nervous system mode - the deep well of fear, dread, doubt.
Be part of the triumph of your individuality--the original self.
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High Level Narcissists crowd our world today. They ar spouses, ex-spouses, relative, bosses, co-workers, spiritual mentors, acquaintances. Our society rewards narcissists handsomely with praise, adulation, celebrity and social status. The high level narcissist's raison d'etre is winning.
High level narcissists weave grand visions of success that are designed to lead them to stashes of power, prestige and control. Winning electrifies the narcissist; it is the engine, the fire that keeps him/her going.
High level narcissists are often big picture virtuosos who leave the details and hard work to others. They take advantage of their assistancts by underpaying them and overpromising while they carefully maintain their elite lifestyles.
Above all, the high level is deceptive in all of his relationships and transactions. He bends the truth with automatic ease.
Some narcissistic dreams go astray. When the ride gets bumpy or the high level whimsically decides to change course, offices are closed, employees are dumpted without warning, bills, loans and leases are left unpaid. Many are left in severe emotional and financial pain. The high level narcissist is unmoved. He doesn't lose sleep over his debacles. He steps forward and pivots toward his next grand project.
Protect yourself from becoming enmeshed in the narcissist's destructive web. Learn to identify the highlevel narcissist.
Remember who you really are. Respect your personal values. Practice self care each day: rest, sleep, nourishing food, hydration, unedited writing, your special music, your creative activities, Nature's beauty, use of your creative gifts.
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You can wave to them, speak with them at work, have brief social interactions---but narcissists cannot be your friends. Friendship requires trust, time and empathy. Many of us keep giving narcissists more chances despite their self self absorbed, manipulative, deceptive behaviors. Narcissists can be very charming and compelling. They learned early to become a kind of method actor at pretending taht they cared about another individual. This skill serves them very well. Narcissists always want something from you. They are seeking narcissistic supplies: property, valuable social/business connections, monetary largesse. With a narcissist it is all take and no give. You have been discarded by the narcissist and they think nothing of moving on with someone else. You don't deserve this kind of treatment.
Put your energy into authentic relationships where there is a balance of attention, genuine communication and commitment. You deserve to have friends who respect your individuality, care about your feelings, listen, give you their time and encourage your dreams and creativity and with whom you can be spontaneous, silly, laught, playful, creative, innovative---be your true self.
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Are you or have you been at the mercy of an individual who constantly screams, threatens, demens,humiliates, brags and shames you. Likely, you are dealing with an aggressive overt high level narcissist. They can be described as an obsessive maelstrom of activity. Maelstrom refers to violent turmoil. The literal meaning is "a poerful whirlpool in the sea of a river."
These cruel, highly charged individuals are self obsessed, without conscience, predatory without psychological boundaries---corrosive characters who do not change.
Each day you are existing in the fight or flight, sympathetic nervous system---your adrenaline rushes through, your cortisol runs high, especially when you are trying to sleep.
Growing up with a narcissistic parent, you never felt safe; you couldn't let down. There was neither privacy nor calmness; no possibility of solitude or a quieting of your nervous system to parasympathetic mode.
A recent study by the University of Montreal indicates that some individuals are born more aggressive than others. This research indicates that "aggression isn't only learned, but inborn and one's environment can worsen or improve this behavior as one ages."
The following represents the many manifestations of the high level aggressive narcissist that you have endured: threats, incessant bragging, grandiosity and hubris, winning for self at the expense of others, humiliation as a tool of submission, restlessness, mindlessness, infantile, regressive two year old temper tantrum mode,
You and other family members are his possessions and under the control of this dictator.
After years of research and insights and the accumulation of excessive psychological and physical stress you make the decision to leave the high level narcissist and take back, renew, restore, transform your true authentic creative self.
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There are exasperating choices women women have to make: stay married to a husband/partner who is psychologically fused with his narcissistic mother or make the decision or make the decision to end the marriage because you can no longer tolerate the severe narcissistic abuse projected on to you.
This woman is not going to change. She is the vaunted Matriarch of the family. She runs everyone:: her husband, children, sibligs and any one else tht crossees her path. Her son your partner/spouse) loves and hates his mother but he is psychologically locked in to her. He has never been able to separate himself from her clutches.
Not long after the marriage his narcissistic mother revealed herself in full ubly vengefulness. She gossiped about you to all the relatives, made up secrets about you and your family, telling all who would listen that you came from people who were dishonest and low class, who may have comitted crimes. This vicious gossip and flat out lies was very convincing to her coteries of family followers. They believed her.
You recognized that your spouse was in fact intimidated like a yung boy, even a baby, about hurting his mother's feelings who could turn the tears on and off like a well oiled tap. What an actress--She needed to take to the stage--a method actor.
There are many life stories of women subjected to this level of narcissistic abuse that recognize that their spouses/partners are so fused with their mothers that this gordian knot cannot be untied.
Many women have taken the pathways of freeing themselves from this triangular fusion. This is a difficult and complex process but you have won your personal freedom, and all of your options are open for your restoration, transformation and the full use of your many creative gifts.
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Empaths have a tought time in this world. They are very different. It is difficult/impossible for those who are not empaths to understand them. Introverterted----empaths are easily overwhelmed by their internal and external environments: loud noises, large public venues, bright liights, high and low temperatures, unfamiliar odors, heat, humidity, cold, strangers, crowded spaces like elevators, brash extroverts, parties, weddings, formal dinners, densely populated noisy public events.
Empaths hide inside of themselves for protection and solace. They cry in private---tears run down their faces like tiny salty rivers. Empaths have very few individuals in whom they can confide.
Empaths intuit the family secrets. They remain mute on this subject, knowing that they will be dismissed as histrionic, overly0sensitive or psychologically disturbed.
Empaths are very gifted at "reading" individuals they meet, even strangers passing by. This is a great gift that they possess from their earliest days. They know if someone is greedy, secretive, craven, vile, enamored, scorned, fulminating, tawdry, crooked, scheming, cheating, unsavory, enlightened.
Don't expect others, even individuals you know uite well to understand your high sensitivities, clear perceptions, your need for solitude and rest.
Self kindness activities for the empath include:
Move at your own pace; don't let anyone rush you. Many children are herded around and forced to move quickly by other family members. This is particularly stressful to empaths, whose nerves are frayed, stomach roiled when they are forced to hurry mindlessly. It is distressing and disorienting.
Develop daily routines that work well for you and that orient you into the parasympathetic nervous system and out of the fight or flight sympathetic mode.
The practice of diaphragmatic breathing offers you an entree into the parasympathetic state. Diaphragmatic breathing activates the vagus nerve, one of the longest nerves in our system. The awakening of the vagus nerve puts you into the parasympathetic--the calming, healing, restorative part of the nervous system.
Learn to appreciate your solitude, unedited writing, beautiful music, basic yoga poses like Happy Baby, movement and exercise that works for you.
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Hubris in man is ever-present. Wherever there is pride there is hubris. The word hubris comes from the ancient Greek meaning extreme pride and dangerous overconfidence.
Hubris is outrageous and involves shaming their victims.
The high level narcissist gains pleasure from his hubristic acts. Hor or she is not called out on these dark deeds if they hold sway and power.
Those who are married to or partnered with or children of hubristic high level narcissists are vicims of their extreme psychopathology.
You spend years and decades married to one of these individuals, go through a series of leaving them, returning and continuing the cycle, to the increasing stress, mood and anxiety disorders, chronic insomnia, re-traumatization from childhood.
There is a time of awakening for you, the decision to separate out from your narcissistic spouse.
You deserve the return of your authentic self and freedom, your creative gifts and inner peace.
Develop habits of self entitlement, self, care, self assertion, movement/exercise, Nature, nourishing food, good hydration, beautiful music, full use of all of your creative gifts.
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Married to a high level aggressive narcissist you are under constant unrelenting stress that activates your sympathetic fight or flight nervous system. Oxidative stress affecs the sytems of the body/mind, causing extreme exhaustion, gut dysbiosis, chronic insomnia, unrelenting anxiety, chronic insomnia and bouts of depression.
The high level narcissist in the beginning is an irresistible human being. Filled with incandescent charm, often very bright, bounding self confidence, often physically attracive with a compelling personal story, high ambitions and limitless optimism, you are quickly drawn. You become fascinated, even entranced.
The clever high level kows how to read people. He/she knows your vulneratilities, deepest wishes and needs. He is aware of your temptations, passions, fears, wishes, secrets.
As the monthsn and years move forward you become very aware of the dark side of the ihigh level narcissist. You are on the receiving end of the narcissist's bombarding projections that are designed to strike fear and humiliation inside.
Some partnrs of high level narcissits experience a level of extreme exhaustion that is so painful that it interrupts daily activities. You have no energy rreserve; there is no comfrot or respite. Your gut aches much of the time. You dread the nights of insomnia. You drag yourself around, pretending to your partner or spouse that everything is just fine.
There is a part of you that knows tht this non relationship with the high level narcissist is inauthentic, a role imposed upon you to deliver the essential narcissistic supplies - control, adulation, praise, upon the high level. After all, you burnish his image. In some instances he or she looks even better since exploiting your creative gifts to his advantage.
There is a time of awakening whom you will not and cannot accept your role of servant to the egotistic demands and manipulations of this deluded and abusive individual.
With your research, insights andintuitions you make the decision to separate from this disunion. Now you follow the pathways of the true authentic self.
Self care and restorationa re your guides rest and sleep, if you have trouble sleeping, be kind with yourself as you rest; norishing food, organic if possible, good hydration with pure water, movement and exercise that works for you---exercise reduces inflammation and reduces chronic stress, increases physical and psychological stmina, listen to beautiful music that activates the parasympathetic body/mind systems----calming the nervous system, giving you psychological and physical respite, spontaneous writing--letting out withoug editing the flow of feelings, images, past experiences whatever comes through in the writing at this moment on to the page, some formof meditation---this cn be Nature in its invariable forms of beauty---in Nature we ar experiencing an in the moment mindfulness.
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You and the narcissist may share the same time and space in a family, business or marriage but you are planets apart. The narcissist thrives in a world of delusion of his/her making. The narcissist’s visions of reality are grandiose, skewed to an absolute belief in his superiority. He holds ultimate power and control over others through manipulations, deceits and chronic lying. We may not recognize that the individual we are meeting is a narcissist, especially if he/she is masterful at playing his roles. If you do not react the way he perceives you will, he is very adept at switching to another character in his drama. All of this is a convincing act but fraudulent.
Narcissists don’t change; their personality structure is rigid and very unlikely to change..
Narcissists generally don’t benefit from psychotherapy because they are certain that the problem(s) originates and is being driven by others—spouses, children, siblings, business associates. The narcissist believes he is flawless; the difficulty is with others not him. If you cross the narcissist, at times he/she will relentlessly pursue you, always seeking to Win!
Narcissists always know that they will win. They persuasively lie to everyone, including judges, therapists and lawyers. Their confidence overflows with hubris. Without a conscience they throw threats, intimidations, defamations of character where ever they might stick. They often get away with their outrageous and destructive behaviors. Many narcissists present themselves as victims and convince many people through the fine art of lying. They have been practicing perfidy since they were children.
Learn about every aspect of the narcissistic personality disorder. It is well worth doing your homework.
The earlier you identify a narcissist, the greater the edge you have in either avoiding this individual or giving yourself a head start on dealing with this person.
Trust and deepen your intuition—that quality that tells us the truth directly and accurately.
If you are dealing with a narcissist, learn to detach your feelings from their psychological bait.
Practice some form of quieting your body/mind—yoga, restorative yoga, meditation, tai chi, etc. This will provide you with powerful techniques for grounding yourself.
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There is a theme that runs through responses that I receive from children of a narcissistic parent (s). The child is subjected to unbearable levels of ongoing abuse - scalding criticisms, withering humiliations in front of other family members, horrendous acts of psychological and literal abandonment. When the victim of a narcissist tells the truth about his dreadful pathological parernt, he is not treated with kindness or understanding. The narcissistic mother or father gets a complete pass.
I believe you and know how courageous you are. You are traveling along your pathway of healing, restoration, the evolution of the true authentic, creative self.
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The high level narcississt is a puppeteer who puts others at his/her mercy. He pulls the strings of personal power on his spoues, children and ex-spouses. The high level narcissist makes promises that he knows he will never keep to further manipulate and control those closest to him. No authentic relationship is possible with a narcissistic personality. It is all a duplicitous fabrication, a series of false, shiny images that are devoid of feelings, meaning, compassion or humanity. Highly aggressive narcissists rules by intimidation, inflecting shame and humiliation. Those who ermain tied to the cruelties of the narcissistic spouse often have family backgrounds of psychological trauma and deprivation. As a result these children don't feel entitled to think, feel, dream and create in freedom. They are always looking for appoval from the parental figure. In many cases they marry a partner who demands the same kind of intimidating obedience imposes on them as children. For some there is a time of reckoning when the spouse of the narcissist can no longer be manipulated like a puppet and decides to finally sever ties. This is a fortuitous moment of truth for the abused spouse. The forces of the rise of the true self are at work, leading the individual to find his way to freedom and the fulfillment of the destiny of their original authentic self.
As a spouse or partner or child of a high level narcissist, you have been psychologically abused. You didn't deserve to be treated with such disdain,
With your insights and your research you now understand the true nature of the high level narcissist.
Practice self care: sleep, rest, movement and exercise, experiences with Nature's beauty, fine music, meditation in the form that works for you like diaphragmatic breathing. Be kind to the small child inside of you.
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There are themes that run through the rivers of psyche and heart that children who suffer maternal deprivtion share.
Dr. Leonard Sheingold,psychoanalyst and specialist in psychological trauma and abuse describes childhood deprivation in this way: "Child deprivatin means that the child has been exposed to too little to meet his or her needs.." he refines this definition: "To survive, this child must have enough gratification of the physical need for care and the psychological need to be wanted...so for the developing child, deprivation can lead to the same traumatic imbalances as overstimulation"
Adult children who were psychologicall deprived describe the experiences in different ways but the themes are similar. Mother was ashame of you because you were different from the other kids. That means you were "bad."
Dr. John Bowlby introduced the concept of attachment of the child with the mothering figure. "He defined attachment as a "lasting psychological connectedness between human beings." The maternally deprived child doesn't have a secure attachment to the mothering figure. The child feels abandoned and unwanted, creating a negative sense of self.
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Covert narcissists are concealed beneath their many false self persononas. Unlike the center stage overt narcissist they play their parts in the background, quiet, self effacing, even humble. In their social sphere the covert makes sure that he is regarded as a person of fine character with compassion, generosity, even spiritualiy. In essence they are extreme hypocrites. Acting these roles with such believeability, they are very difficult to detect. Most people are fooled by the covert narcissist. They know how to read you,what you want and need. Cunning and secretive, the covert narcissist is driven to exploit and deceive those whom he/she chooses as a partner or spouse.
Behind closed doors you are the recipient of rage fests, humiliations and lies that cause you chronic stress with renewed hypervigilance, aggravation of insomnia, increasing of free floating anxiety, keeps you ungrounded, feeling guilty, activation of your shame and self blame.
At some point, there is a time of eckoning when the abused spouse has had enough and can no longer tolerate another day with this cruel, deluded, person.
Go to your research and the insights that come through from you intuitions. Stop blaming yourself; this is a leftover from growing up in a psychologicall abusive family. Focus on self soothing, daily self care, rest, sleep, nutrition, movement/exercise your way, exploring your unique creativity.
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The high level narcissist is exploitive and deceptive. He/she knows exactly what he wants. He has written the plot and cast the characters for his narrative. The high level locates himself at stage center, lapping up the adulation, applause and veneration..The High level is the director who chooses people to play different roles that lead to his success.
Quoting from my book Freeing Yourself From the Narcissist in Your Life gives you a front row seat of the High Level:"High-level narcissists are handsomely rewarded for the very attributes that make them inconsiderate and demanding human beings: self-absorption, agressiveness, hubris." When you appear before a high level narcissist you may be noticed or ignored. This depends on the possible "value" you have for them. I recall an experience with a high level narcissist. I was visisting a nearby friend one afternoon. We were in conversation discussing a variety of topics. There is a knock at the front door. A woman whom I had met a number of occasions enters. The visitor starts speaking non stop to my friend. There are no pauses in this monologue. After several minutes I say "hello" to this woman, knowing that I woild be recognized and greeted. A number of minutes by by. I finally speak up. There is no response. Her eyes and voice are riveted on my friend. The visitor is no more than seven feet away from me. No answer, no response, no recognition, no excuse, no exclamation! For this woman I don't exist. Inside, I was astounded and disbelieving that anyone could be so rude, obtuse, out of touch, disrespectful, boorish, self obsessed. She wouled not acknowledge my presence, literally. Manners and respect for individuals was foreign territory to this high level. The are without shame and flaunt their superiority. High level narcissists create their own realities. They are incapable of seeking and knowing the truth about themselves. Their "relationships" are based on exploiting and deceiving others to feed their inflated egos and self glorifications.
Shameless, brazen, mendacious, predatory---the high level narcissist has neither limits nor boundaries. Master climbers, they seek the highest summits of power and control. They are incapable of genuine relationships.
Appreciate your authenticity, psychological grounding, individuality, unique creativity.
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As a young child you were a psychological captive to your narcissistic parent.(s). You grew up in a house where trauma reigned day and night. You never felt safe, cherished or wanted. Your mother was completely self absorbed; her world revolved around her "wants" and "needs." There was no psychological or emotional space for her children. Narcissistic dad was obsesed with his business pursuits and spent very little time at home. When he finally arrived, dad was distracted and moody. You knew he didn't want to be there. You wondered if you came from this family. You never truly belonged.
Years later your married or partnered with a high level narcissist. After the preliminary months of optimism about the marriage, the narcissistic spouse showed his/her true nature. The demands, humiliations and projections by the high level narcissist come forth in huge volleys as this partner forces his/her control over you. Your stress levels increase and you are constantly in fight or flight mode, the sympathetic nervous system. You have chronic insomnia along with insomnia. After years of this psychological and emotional abuse you know that you can no longer remain in this non-relationship. You are being re-trumatized and the remnants of narcisistic abuse from childhood have arisen.
At a point of insight and awakening you make the decision to separate out and free yourself from the high level narcissist. You are listening to the voice of your intuition and research. Practice self care: rest and sleep are a priority, nourishing food, good hydration, movement and exercise, spending time with Nature, working with your unique creativity, discovering a form of spiritual practice as you define this, honoring your individuality and the rediscovery of your true self, using your many unique creativity gifts.
Click on this link that takes you to my new print book on Amazon.
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The covert narcissist is a chameleon-- highly skilled at blending into any business and social terrain. Covert narcissists, because they wear the mantle of false humility so comforably, manuever with stealth and grace to reach their targets. In personal relationships they are smooth and appear to be deferent and caring toward the other person. They are masters of false compassion. Often the covert narcissist is a misture of being able to reach out and give to others, then pulling back to assert his power and command over them.
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There is a distinct vibration, a psychological scent you detect in the high level narcissist. Charming, often spell binding, these individuals reveal themselves fully when we are open to our intuitive insights about them. This is very important in that many epople are fooled by high level narcisststs at the top of their game. For the high level each person is a puzzle piece that he/she selects to enhance his sense of perfection, extreme self entitlement, power and control
The high level truly believes that he has greatr value, talent, brilliance than any one else. Very aggresive, the high level is willing to disrupt and desimate those who stand in his way, taking a no prisoners attitude. He is disgusted with those whom he describes as weak and incompetent, introverted type that respond with feelings and empathy.
These outrageous, infamous types are conquerors. Many are obsessed with money and possessios, always topping themselves. Highly aggressive, he maneuvers himself/herself up the financial and social ladders, stepping over and pushing others off his path, a royal road to maternial largesse and social power.
There is a time for you of deep insight when you recognize that you can no longer stay in this toxic non-relationship. You move forward now, knowing that you can reconstitute yourself fully---psychologically, physically, spiritually, creatively.
Practice daily self care: rest, sleep, hydration, pure nourishing food, beautiful music, movement/exercise and of course Nature---that restores mind/body/insight/beauty/creativity.
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Highlevel nracissists are very secretive. They create special compartments for their innumerable secrets. There are narcissists who lead a series of impenetrable compartmentalized private lives.
Many high level narcissists have hidden csh and bank accounts that are cleverly concealed from their partners.
The narcissistic spouse cheats and steals from you. Narcissists are highly suspicious even paranoid that they are being taken advantage of by their spouse.
The truth about high level narcissists:
Incapable of admitting they are wrong.
Dont let the truth get in their way.
Are duplicitous. They demand unreachable perfection from others.
High level narcissists are empty suits. They culltivate and burnish their personas, their false selves they present to the world.
Listen to the ovice of your intuition that knows the truth and is working to move your forward along the parasympathetic pathways of the true, authentic, creative self
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A highlevel narcissistic spouse during a divorce is a meancing figure. With all of the pain, the deceit, manipulations and lies that you internalized and sustained during the marriage, when the narcissist is in the divorce phase an acceleration occurs in his/her cold animosity toward you. The high level initiates an all out war against you. He knows that you will go down--he will be the trimphant winner. Winning is the only thieng that the narcissist knows besides his perpetual gods---money, property, social prestige, raw poer over others. High level narcissists never play fair; this is not prt of their psychic structure. Avaricious before the divorce, the enarcissistic spouse doubles down when he knows that the spoils of the marriage must be divided.
Prepare yourself well with an excellent attorney advocate with a fine character who understands highly controlling individuals, overentitled, who don't play fair.
Remind yourself that you are not to blame, that you re dealing with a severe, fixed personality disorder that will not change.
Practice self care each day: rest and sleep that you deserve and need, nourishing food, organic if you can, quality water, movement/exercise, beautiful music, Nature's beauty, your form of meditation, great Art, beautiful music.
Maintain a steady gaze forward---knowing that you are the keeper of the flame of truth.
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Today we are surrounded by narcissistic personalities, including narcissistic families. These highly dysfunctional individuals are driven by their egos rather than conscience or empathy. Members of narcissistic families are exceedingly greedy: they worship money and possessions, their glowing external image over character and integrity.
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To be ruthless is to treat another person without mercy. Because of the narcissist's skillful use of seductive charm and social graces, it is difficult for most people to believe that a narcissist be cold and ruthless. Whe he wants something from you, he is purposesly disarming, listening to your every word. Often successful professionally, the high level narcissist may impress you with the fruits of his elegant lifestyle. He gives you a rush, a feeling of excitement. Often successful professionally, the high level narcissist may impress you with the fruits of his elegant lifestyle. He might bring you into his inner circle to dazzle you. The accoutrements of his pwer are compelling, even thrilling. But this is the ploy of the high level narcissist. Partners of high level don't realize that they are giving vital parts of themselves away, diluting their creative energies, exhausting their body/mind systems, remaining in the sympathetic fight or flight nervous system, plagued with chronic insomnia, disgestive disorders, migraines. At a point of awakening you recognize that you are embroiled in an non-relationship with an abusive, regressed high level narcissist. You have done the research and intuitively know that you can move forward along your pathway of the true, authentic self.
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High level narcissists seek partnerships and marriages to empaths. These are individuals of high discernment, intuition and deep emotional and psychological sensitivity. They are unique in their capacities to identify with and feel deeply what someone else is experiencing. The empath responds to his/her environment in a profound manner. They react strongly to their inner and outer environments.
We discover a compelling attraction of the empath to the high level narcissistic personality. The sensitive empath discovers a compelling vibration of excietement in the high level who is so full of extraordinary self confidence and an incandescent charm. The high level narcissist is drawn to the good character, deep understanding and loyalty of the empath. Empaths are very generous and give so much of themselves to their partners. They overlook the narcissist's difficult temperament and demands and even put up with their vile projections behind closed doors.
As time moves forward the empath becomes very exhausted and stressed by the constant demands and projections of the high level narcissist. The empath becomes very worn down with chronic insomnia, digestive disordres under constant stress in the sympathetic fight or flight mode.
As years and months go forward the empath recognizes that she/he must separate out from the high level narcissist and evolve as an authentic self. You now move forward with self care: sleep and rest, movement and exercise, nourishing food, good hydration, Nature, developing your spiritual practice as you understand it, developing your unique creativity.
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High level narcissists are pleasure seeking plotters and planners. They map out their future goals and conquests like commanding generals. I remember a story about one of these individuals. He had just moved into a new residential area. He made sure that the neighborhood fit the socioeconomic level of his high ambitions. He mapped out in detail his plans to rise to professional power and huge financial success within a specific period of time. As he told the story and described his strategy with manyy details it was well analyzed. He proceeded with his master plan and succeeded. He ended up leaving his wife and children for a new "adventure" both professional and personal. Here wsa an opportunity that he created to push him even further up the summits of ever greater success. High levels do not look back at their dreadful personal and professional misdeeds. Rather they move up to higher ranges of raw ambition, material acquisition and control.
These highly ambitious high level narcissists know exactly what social cliques to join, how they will charm and prsuade ther "right people" to allow them into the inner power circle, that golden space where all the big deals are made. They go after partners who burnish their image, make them look very special: clever, bright, talented, magnetic, connected! They exploit the creative and intellectual gifts of their partners and spouses.
High levels treat others like chessboard pieces, moving and shifting each person into a position that will maximize their power positions. The high level narcissist didn't develop a well formed conscience rather these ruthless types know just how far to go with their excessive ambitions but not far enough to get caught.
Being in a "relationship" with a high level narcissist is a constant game; you never know where you stand with them. One moment they are saying you are indispensable; the next they complain that you are an albotross, a hindrance to their career and no longer a source of enjoyment.
Spending years even decades with these demanding, over-entitled partners is exhausting, keeping you in the sympathetic nervous system zone, fight or flight.
You come to time of insight into the true nature of the high level narcissistic spouse. You finally recognize you are entitled to move forward along the pathways of the evolution of the authentic, self. Give yourself tremendous credit for the self care practices that you deserve. Celebrate your individuality and creativity.
Infused with incandescent charm, gifts of seduction and persuasion, the high level narcissist possesses a kind of magic presence that is drawn from one of their enchanting personas. We feel their appraisal and moves toward us. They are stepping up their game.
The high level narcissist searches out those whom he wants to become part of his golden circle, that place of honor that the high level bestows on special people in his enclave.
The high level is loyal to no one but himself. After years of devotion and arduous work the narcissist will discarded you without explanation or ceremony if he has found someone better to serve his outrageous demands and impossible standards.
Exploitive and controlling, the high level narcissist plots and plans his moves toward you.
You come to a time of awakening, a realization that you will separate out of this relationship with the high level narcissist and to move forward along your unique pathway of restoration, healing, transformation and the evolution of the authentic, creative self.
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The high level covert narcissist is the trickiest and most subtle individual to identify as a personality disorder. he/she appears to be impeccable in facade, character, integrity, professional status, values, morals--the list is a long one. You have met many covert narcissists without knowing this. Don't blame yourself or expect that you would recognize these individuals. It takes a lot of research and deep observation to identify one of these hidden in plain sight toxic individuals. Being married to a high level covert narcissist the spouse is continually subjected to projected feelings of shame. They might ven use the phrase: "You should be ashamed of yourself." You say to yourself--"For what?" Beut beneath the surface you feel on a visceral level that you are wrong ant that there is something intriniscially the matter with you. This is a horrible trap. You have no reason to feel shame and to be emotionally burdened by a flat out lie.
After many years, even decades you are at a time of awakening and decision. You will free yourself from the high level covert narcississt and continue your evolution as a true authentic self. This is the bend in the river, your opening to restoration, healing, transformation and the evolution of your true self.
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High level narcissists are extraordinarily greedy. Gree is an extreme desire and pursuit to obtain more than what one needs, especially with regard to material possessions and wealth. They are never satisfied with what they have and are very competitive with other narcissists. They always must be at the very pinnacle, the top of the mountain, the person who takes home all of the marbles. In our current narcissistic society narcissistic greed has become very acceptable to many people. In face there are many individuals who look up to narcissists who continue to acquire more wealth that they don't need and probably not use. High level narcissists surround themselves with a charmed circle of people who provide him/her withunending narcissistic supplies: praise, adoration, continuos kudos, even worship. These individuals are obsessively loyal to the narcissist as long as they can fuse with his grandiosity, extreme self entitlement in their delusional world.
Deep inside, the high level narcissist experiences himself/herself as psyhologically empty. Thees powerful feelings are unconscious to the the narcissist. The high level projects vituperative feelings of self loathing on to others, particularly spouses, ex-spouses, children and siblings.
Raised as a false grnadiose self, the high level narcissist is an empty shell, shallow and disingenuous.
Unconsciously feeling emotionally empty and unworthwhile, the narcissist is psychologically hungry for the narcissistic supplies that he voraciously needs.This includes finding individuals who will adores and mirror him perfectly. Narcissists are not inclined to change. This is a fixed personality disorder.
There comes a time of insight and awakening when you are keenly aware of the true nature of the high level narcissistic personality. You move forward, putting yourself first. Practice self care each day: rest and sleep that you need and deserve, nourishing food and good hydration, a form of meditation that works for you, engaging your creativity, finding your special state of solitude, movement and exercise the way that works for you.
My book: Recovering and Healing After the Narcissist is now in print at Amazon. Click the link below to view my new book.
Being marrried to or partnered with a high level narcissist can cause harm to your psychological and physical immune system. You are in a constant state of fight or flight, the sympathetic nervous system mode of anxiety, insomnia, exhaustion and lack of energy. You are being exploited by the high level narcissist each day. You can experience such a state of exhaustion that you drag yourself through the days in a state of misery and self doubt. After being on the receiving end of vile projections and humiiations and decades of being under the control of a high lievel narcisssist, you awaken to their true nature. With your research and insights you make the decision separate yourself from the high level narcissist. You move forward along the pathways of restoration, transformation and the evolution of your true, authentic, creative self.
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The focus of the high level narcissist is obsessively on himself/herself: what they are entitled to have, whom they will control, how much money and power they will acquire.
The more entitled and powerful they are the greater their narcissistic greed for more.
After many years you make the decision to move foreward and separate from the high level narcissist. This is your move toward a deeper individuality.
High Level Narcissist – Creating A false Heroic Identity
High level narcissists compose a fictional identity that is portrayed as authentic, so real and believable. These are great dramatic actors. Often they are overt narcissistic golden boys. As toddlers they were impossibly spoiled and demanding as they are now with an incandescent charm that is captivating.
Ths narcissist creates a narrative of humble beginnings and reduced circumstances. High level narcissists love to talk about how poor and deprived they were. They embroider their stories with gross exaggeration and straight out lies. The high level narcissist emphasizes his familial hardships and abusive family dynamics and financial disadvantages. He leaves his listeners wondering how he climbed this summit of academic success with no one to come to his assistance. This is not the true story. A most unfortunate aspect to this fake hero’s story is in the exposure of his own family as a careless band of rapacious individuals who are coarse, rapacious with bad reputations.
In comparison the heroic narcissist’s personal tale is one of extraordinary fine character who rose from the most difficult, social and economic circumstances to intellectual and professional prominence. The high level is the hero of his story, the extraordinary individual who rose to the top despite the toughest obstacles.
This phony lying predatory narcissist is a nasty piece of work who has exploiting his family history.
Ruthless and greedy, he climbs to the top, pushing everyone aside who would get in his way. These phony Knights are psychologically dangerous to those who get swept up in their false lie filled personal narratives. These individuals don’t deserve your attention or presence let alone your relationship. Now is the time to separate out from them. You are moving forward along your own unique pathways of transformation, healing, restoration and creativity.
Quoting from my book "Freeing Yourself From the Narcissist in Your Life" : A lie is a handy tool the narcissist uses to enhane and protect the image he has sopainstakingly built. Lies are automatic. They flow from him as effortlessly as sweat coming through pores...He (the narcissist) knows he can lie and get away with it...The narcissist insists that the way must be clear for him to move ahead...He looks you right in the eye and lies without hesitation...He is glib with his lies, he shades the truth or tells an outright lie."
You cannot have a real relationship with someone who lies to you. Those who are partnered with or married to a high level narcissist are constantly being lied to by their spouse or partner.
High level narcissits are masters of deceit and takepride in their lies. They have developed this activity to a high art.
Compartmentalization: The high level narcissist is highly secretive. He (she) cannot be authentic, real or true. He often leads a secret life. It is not unusual for these individuals to have several "close" relationships going forward simultaneously. Being married doesn't interfere with the high level narcissist's straying to other partners. These individuals don't have a well developed conscience and are known to give in to their libidinal proclivities. They rationalize about these behaviors and always can give themselves perfec excuses for their immoral behaviors. The high level is the puppeteer who who creates roles for thos who share his world.
Re-Writing History: High level narcissists are constantly revising their personal and work histories, resumes, family histories and stories, academic and professional bona fides.
Double Downing on Their Lies: High level are completely shameless. They look deep into your eyes and lie directly to you. Narcissists develop the dark art of lying very early growing up. If we didn't have a conscience wouldn't it be smoother and easier to tell clever untruth that increased your personal power and control and enlarged your gilded image.
Lies of Omission: High level narcissists leave out whole swaths of forbidden behaviors that they know will exasperate their partners, spouses, ex-spouses, children, business associates. They are drive by ego and their ever-present goals of reaching the highest summits of power, control and the fruits of their excessive greed.
You are different from the high level narcissist. You have a finely developed conscience. You don't lie; you don't deceive people. Your relationships are genuine and not used to control and overpower others. You rae capable of deep empathey and are capable of putting yourself in the place of another with regard to their feelings, thoughts, intentions and the problems and issues that challenge them.
Here's to you, an individual of integrity, perseverance, spiritual vitality, traveling your unique pathways of transformation, evolution and creativity.
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Those who are married or partnered with high level narcissists are constantly under extreme stress. Many individuals report about demanding, demeaning, manipulative individuals that cause a variety of symptoms and illnesses: chronic unrelenting fatigue, extreme insomnia, high level anxiety, extreme hypervigilance.
As the months go by the high level becomes impatient and even enraged with your state of exhaustion. They project their rage on to you when you are at your most vulnerable state. They feel victorious when you cry. That's how sadistic high level narcissists are.
You are gaslighted, accused of being psychologically unbalanced, disruptive to your evolution as an individual with unique creative gifts and entitled to deep inner peace. Your partner and spouse despises you and finds you weak and incompetent.
The opposite is the truth. You are a persevering courageous individual of fine character.
Here are a few activities that will be very helpful to you:
Learn how to rest; you are entitled. Rest is healing and restorative.
Stretching and doing yoga poses moves your lymph and increases your energy and strength.
Hydration and nutrition keep you healthy with great vitality.
Listen to beautiful music that puts you into the flow of the parasympathetic mode of relaxation, restoration. It soothes you and sparks the golden keys to the imagination.
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Quoting from my book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life: "Narcissists use personal relationships as stepping stones and way stations to success...The high level narcissist surrounds himself(herself) with individuals who act as extensions of himself. He fuses with those who will protect and expand his grandiose sense of self...If luck holds some chosen followers weather the unrelenting rages and demands that spill out of the narcissistic psyche...There is always a time certain when a relationship with a narcissist will come to a close. Followers are discharged when their gilt has faded."
Partners and spouses of the high level narcissist make them look very good. They are often very bright, socially skilled, warm, charming, empathic and individuals of good character. High level narcissists exploit their partners making constant demands that you must be perfect. Behind closed doors the high level narcissist projects their psychological bile on to you, causing extreme distress, continually criticizing and humiliating you.
There is a time when you awaken the true nature of the exploitive high level narcissist and that you are entitled to separate from these self absorbed, exploitive individuals.
Now you move forward with daily self care: rest, sleep, eating nourishing food, good hydration, movement and exercise that works for you, a form of spiritual practice that works for you.
Shame is a complex intolerable feeling of being exposed, wanting to disappear, emotional vulnerability, feeling inferior and worthless.
A child who feels shame has been shamed by parent(s), siblings or other family members. Shaming a child is a way of controlling them, making them feel small and helpless. Chronic shaming abuse leaves a painful imprint on the psyche.
Shaming is one of their most effective cruelties. It is especially pernicious if you were shamed as a child.
You can make the decision of separating permanently from the narcissistic spouse has begun. This passage may not be easy or smooth but it is worth the journey.
Use your inner wisdom and intuition to continually protect yourself from entering into relationships with narcissistic personalities.
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Empaths are highly perceptive, exquisitely sensitive individuals. They are attuned to their external and internal environments. They feel deeply and are often misunderstood by spouses, family members and the world.
Empaths who are married to or partnered with high level narcissists have a particularly difficult journey.
In this situation with a high level narcissist the empath is accumulating tremendous amounts of oxidative stress.
Married to a high level narcissist you are at the mercy of their recriminations, criticisms, projections.
Quotes from my book: Recovering and Healing After the Narcissist regarding the glory of Color.
Quotes on the great art of our ancestors in the prehistoric caves.
Hubris in man is ever-present, even found in prehistoric caves. Wherever there is pride there is hubris. The story of the angels cast into Hell for their hubris remains with us.
The word hubris comes from the ancient Greek meaning extreme pride and dangerous overconfidence.
Hubris is outrageous. Aristotle defined hubris as shaming the victim.
The high level narcissist gains pleasure from his hubristic acts. He or she is not called out on these dark deeds if they hold sway and power, if they are highly placed socially and economically.
Those who are married to or partnered with or children of hubristic high level narcissists are victims of their extreme psychopathology.
You spend years and decades married to one of these individuals, go through a series of leaving them, returning and continuing the cycle, to the increasing stress, psychophysiological imbalances, mood and anxiety disorders, chronic insomnia, re-traumatization from childhood.
Unlike you they have no shame---never did and never will. They re always right no matter their horrific misdeeds and betrayals.
They have around them a golden circle of followers and hangers on who are loyal to them no matter what the issue. They feed off of the high level's extreme pride, economic largesse and social power.
In the high level's psychological mix is a lack of conscience, any bit of shame or of course no empathy.
There is a time of awakening with your insights, research and intuitions recognize the true dark nature of the high level narcissist and finally appreciate who you really are---a very authentic individual of fine character, integrity, strength and psychological grounding. As you move forward stay attuned to Nature the great healer and the manifestation of your many unique creative gifts.
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The high level narcissist is playing a part of the grand special unique glorified individual. This is complex with many chosen to be part of his/her special circle.
The high level narcissist has a series of elaborate false selves that are compelling and believable.
The high level narcissist fools everyone with enticement, deceits and empty promises. This is the grand performance, opening nigh. Behind the curtain and closed doors the ugly, vole real self of the high level is activated in raw projections, obsessive control maneuvers, deceits, lies and humiliations.
Repeatedly, you are exposed to this darkness of the high level narcissist.
Your energies fade, motivation drops, you are exhausted. The high level has eroded your confidence and creativity.
There is a time of awakening to the true nature of the high level narcissist.
Now you separate out from the high level along your own pathways of restoration, transformation and creativity.
Practice self care: rest, sleep, nourishing food, hydration, movement and exercise, time with Nature and its beauty, spiritual practice that works for you.
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.
Today we are surrounded by narcissistic personalities, including narcissistic families. These highly dysfunctional individuals are driven by their egos rather than conscience or empathy. Members of narcissistic families are exceedingly greedy: they worship money and possessions, their glowing external image over character and integrity.
They are grabby for power, attention, pleasure, praise, control of others, dark manipulations and deceptions as essential tools for reaching their goals. Within these families are nasty rivalries: for example, Golden Boy narcissist(s) purposely victimize empathic siblings. Empaths are trapped in these families from hell. These are the forgotten children who are victims of ego fueled projections and acting out behaviors.
In narcissistic families there are no boundaries. The more aggressive narcissistic brothers and sisters constantly intimidate their more sensitive siblings. In some cases where there are narcissistic parents, they side with their golden children against the empaths and invisible siblings, leaving them unsupported, adrift and alienated from the family.
Narcissistic family members, parents and children demand instant gratification of their extravagant wishes and purported needs. These individuals have no frustration tolerance. Narcissistic children in these psychopathological families have learned to use intimidation as a control mechanism to get whatever they want. Members of the narcissistic family are incapable of deep feelings, especially warmth, empathy, guilt, emotional attachment.
Narcissistic children and their narcissistic parent cannot form and maintain genuine relationships that are psychologically grounded and authentic.
There is an extraordinary lack of introspection in the narcissistic personality. Narcissists in these families are boorish, demanding and deceitful. Narcissistic parents and their narcissistic children are restless, thoughtless, highly selfish and completely self absorbed.
Some children from narcissistic families rescue themselves from the extreme psychopathology of their narcissistic home. Through their imaginations, creating art, Nature, visiting friends and spending time with healthy families --these are among the ways that children in these families from hell get through these complex and very difficult and harsh narcissistic families.
I give you so much credit for your courage and perseverance and independence and fortitude as your separated out of these highly dysfunctional narcissistic families.
You are remarkable as an individual, a person of great integrity and fortitude.
High level narcissists are obsessed and preoccupied with the impressions they are making. Quoting from my book: Freeing Yourself From the Narcissist in Your Life gives you a keen sense of this obsession:
"The narcissist is always preoccupied with the impression he/she is making. For some, everything in their environment---homes, cars, personal possessions---must reflect a flawless self. Walking through some of these homes, I have wondered if anyone lives there. There is not one sign of human habitation, no footprints on rugs or carpets, no finger marks on furniture, mirrors, no cooking aromas or whiffs of faded perfume, no towel askew, no stain, no dust, no scuff, no smudge---Every aspect of their outward environments must be kept in pristine condition at all times..."
If you are partnered with or married to a high level narcissist or grew up with a narcissistic parent, this description and portrayal is very familiar to you.
You have spent years and decades in extreme chronic stress, anxiety and depression, somatic disorders, unrelenting insomnia. You cannot tolerate it any longer---your research, insights and intuitions about the high level narcissist are well grounded and very clear. You choose to leave this empty vapid, externally oriented lifestyle with an individual who treats you with disrespect, disdain, accompanied by bursts of vile, projected venom that causes your anxiety , self doubt, and unfettered rage directed at you are particularly terrifying if you experienced childhood trauma.
You are moving forward leaving your false relationship with the high level narcissist behind. Your pathway forward leads to recovery, transformation and evolution of the true self.
You simplify your days, following your deep intuitions and daily self care.
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High level narcissists are very restless individuals, ego driven and shameless they spend their days acquiring material possessions, forcing others to do their bidding with special emphasis on their spouses, ex-spouses, children, family members.
They ae always right when everything they do, think, write and say are vats of lies, misrepresentations, egomaniacal demands that spring from the psychological fever of believing they are perfect.
The high level narcissist is a climber who spends his days, years and decades exploiting everyone to move up professionally and financially.
You are worn down and exhausted, filled with anxiety and dread, even feelings guilty that you have not done more to make the high level become more responsible.
There are moments of awakening and knowing who this individual truly is, a deluded, self absorbed, overly entitled, selfish person without conscience or empathy.
Now you know the truth ad you are moving forward to separate yourself from the high level narcissist.
You are now keenly aware of your unique individuality, your fine character, perseverance, psychological and emotional stamina and your creative gifts.
Give yourself tremendous credit for your role of discovery along the pathways of your authentic self.
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Quoting psychoanalyst Alice Miller about the dilemma of the child of a narcissistic mother: "The art of not experiencing feelings - A child can experience her feelings only when there is somebody there who accepts her fully, understands her and supports her. If tha person is missing, if the child must risk losing the mother's love of her substitute in order to feel, then she will repress emotions."
From her earliest days and months the daughter of the narcissistic mother experiences a cool dismissiveness. The little daughter feels the disdain, aloof distancing, disregard, disrespect emanating from this mother. The small child knew taht she could never let down and share her feelings with this mother. In her presence she felt edgy, scared, humiliated, emotionaly small and insignificant.
In the presence of family and friends mother took on a different look and manner. She was expansive, warm, attentive to these others who came for the expressions of her public performance. In fact mother was considered to be among the most sterling versions of an exemplary parent, so devoted and engaged with her child.
The narcissistic mother, self absorbed, exceedingly entitled, highly controlling manifests her true nature through a series of false selves that parade as genuine.
Different kinds of narcissistic mothers:
Mother Most Accomplished - nonstop talk about all of her achievements: schooling, extraordinary student, scholar and professional awards, described herself as outstanding in every way and in addition a super mom. Behind closed doors the horrendous presence of this parent from hell. Day and night berating, non stop criticism, humiliations were the worst.
Mother Most Regal - beautiful, obsessed with her looks and fine manners, her cultivation of culture and art, adored by her social circle, how envied for her grace.
And then you have Narcissistic Mother Most Holy - devoted mother, individual of spiritual qualities, especially her many kind deeds, how she is admired for her generosity, focuses on helping others. An individual of faith, talks about her strong conscience. The real story - This is a sham person and the true reality is that this mother is unholy, lacks a conscience, is a complete hypocrite, treats her children with cool, dismissiveness, criticized them for not measuring up morally and spiritually, always finds them wanting in character, accusing them of being frauds when in effect this mother most holy is a complete fake.
This child cannot be her true self since this is forbidden and signaled by the narcissistic mother as a negative vulnerability, a weakness, a lack of character. As a result this child cannot be authentic and must put on the facade that mother demands of her.
She is required to be rational, contained, measured, controlled especially in the way she expresses her emotions and opinions. The message of the narcissistic mother is: Be and do what I demand or I reject you completely. You're flawed, imperfect and nothing that you do or say and feels is valid. I am the one in charge here. I am the puppeteer who controls and dictates what you think and feel and ultimately who you are.
As a sresult the original self in the child of the narcissistic mother must remain hidden, unspoken, pushed back into the recesses of the unconscious. There, long hidden these feelings do not disappear, rather they remain unexpressed and the subject of subterranean angst.
There is a time of awakening with your insights, research, intuitions and revelations of your narcissistic mother's true nature. You move forward as a grounded, true self individual, fully entitled to your unique individuality integrity and your creative gifts.
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Growing up in a highly pathological family you experienced a deep shaming of the self since you were a very small child. You remember the feeling, so intolerable that came over you when your narcissistic mother stared you down, pinched your tiny arm, screamed in her high pitched nasty voice that you were "worthless, despicable, a mistake of nature." These moments are etched in every bodily system and each corner of your psyche. This shame has defined much of your identity as a person who has always felt like a fraud.
You wanted to hide and never return to this house. You made plans in your mind countless times. You conjured countless intricate plots: how you would leave, what time, how to go out unnoticed, what excuses to make that were believable. Even very little children are thinking of their escape plans only to realize that they are just too small to do this on their own.
Psychoanalyst Alice Miller identifies these children as Prisoners of Childhood. In a sense we are all captives of our parents. When we are very young we are vulnerable and at the mercy of our mother and father: their temperaments and dispositions, psychological and emotional stability, hidden and overt psychopathology. Children who grow up in these homes often feel deep shame about themselves.
Adult children of narcissists carry toxic shame into their marriages and partnerships, especially if they are partnered with high level narcissistic personalities.
It doesn't take long to recognize that you are married to a chameleon who can switch to any persona he or she chooses. You notice the shadow side of your partner, that part of him or her that is single mindedly determined to control and manipulate you at every turn.
When you don't comply and show independent of thought and action you are criticized, humiliated and shamed. They instinctively know that one of your weaker vulnerabilities.
After a number of years you finally recognize that you can no longer continue along this pathway. You spend time doing research about the true nature of the high level narcissist, a personality disorder that is not inclined to change. You begin to appreciate who you are as an authentic true self that is entitled to pursue your independence, unique creative gifts, a sense of inner peace, the fulness of your individuality. You learn to take very good care of yourself and to establish relationships of respect, trust, an exchange of ideas and personal transformation. Accessing the parasympathetic nervous system through many avenues: basic yoga poses, diaphragmatic breathing, listening to beautiful music, getting the sleep and rest that you deserve, being with Nature, the great healer, nourishing food, good hydration, exercise that strengthens and gives you a sense of vitality and well being, building a spiritual practice the way that you define it.
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Individuals who are married to high level narcissists are enduring dreadful stress that is affecting their psychological and physical immune systems. Our immune systems are designed to keep us health and strong on every level.
Married to a high level narcissist you are in a constant state of duress, the fight or flight zone, the sympathetic nervous system. Hypervigilant and edgy, you endure the vituperative rage, humiliations, sarcasm, threats, betrayals, deceits and demands of these impossible individuals.
The high level narcissist is protected by invulnerable defense mechanisms that protect them from the true reality and cause tremendous stress and anxiety to their spouses and partners:
Denial, Projection, Splitting, Repression.
Instead of placing so much of your attention to the demands and needs of the high level narcissist, tune into yourself and put emphasis on self observation, research and self care.
Appreciate yourself as an individual who is entitled to be authentically yourself, to express your emotions, to activate your creativity, to rest, practice a form mindfulness that works for you, nourishment that is pure, movement and exercise that is best for you. As you distance yourself from the high level narcissist, you rediscover the beauty, strength, perseverance, clear discernment, spiritual awareness of your true self.
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Intuition is an instantaneous knowing of the truth. It is faster than rational thought. You cannot study or analyze the truth that comes forth from intuition.
Growing up in a narcissistic family and learning how to be yourself. Marrying and partnering with a high level narcissist is demanding and stressful. There is a time when you intuitively know that you separating from this non-relationship to move forward along your pathways of the original self: self care, rest, sleep, nourishing food, creativity, spiritual practice as you define it, your form of movement and exercise.
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High level narcissists commit cruel deeds of deceit and exploitation throughout their self absorbed, venal, conniving, exploitive lives. Filled with an extreme sense of entitlement they believe that they are better, smarter, more talented, clever, creative than anyone else.
High level narcissists are condemned to a fate of never knowing the truth, incapable of compassion and love, the gift of empathy, an authentic understanding of their real self. They remain fake, hollow, barren, empty, false, lost, disengaged, bleak inside. Are they suffering you ask? Not necessarily since they are “protected” by the defense mechanisms of denial, repression and projection. Is it fair to you that you suffer and they don’t. Of course not. Do these high level narcissists change. NO! Can your love for them cause them to change? NO! This personality is very rigid and their titanium defense mechanisms work for them. Do they fool a lot of people---YES, most of the time.
Does the high level narcissist get away with multiple cruelties, transgressions and betrayals? YES!
We live in an age of hyper-narcissism where the sins and transgressions are acceptable, overlooked by the many, known clearly by the few who seek the truth about the high level’s their innate nature.
As a spouse or partner or child of a high level narcissist, you have been psychologically and emotionally abused. You didn’t deserve to be treated with such disdain, deception, exploitation.
You have observed, researched, analyzed this narcissist for many years and watched while he or she deceived and discarded you countless times.
Now you are clear about this person to whom you have given a pass too many times. Your awakening is here, the moment of clearest insight holds steady, your body/mind is grounded this time to make the decision to quit this non relationship and to redirect your energies, talents, inspirations, warmth, empathy to yourself where it belongs.
Now you bathe in the waters of the parasympathetic of inner peace, respite, calm, solitude that you deserve and where you belong. The beauties of Nature await your presence and participation, Remember self care each day: rest, sleep, hydration, nutrition, movement and exercise your way, music’s magic.
You can't fall asleep at night; you are anxious, your mind is racing. You listen to your thoughts and wonder when you will get respite. Morning comes and you face exhaustion as if you had been up through the night. Exhaustion has a pain of its own, a feelings of weakness that can seem unending. Finally you face the day and wonder if your strength and stamina will ever return. It is very difficult for those who have not experienced this level of exhaustion to understand. This is way beyond tired or worn out.
On top of this is the dark presnce, the horrific shadow side of the high level narcissist. What you know for sure is that eventually he or she will start screaming at you, picking you apart with derision and mocking.
For some there is a re-activation of their childhood trauma as children in a narcissistic family.
All of this is particularly alarming since your narcissistic partner doesn't give a damn about you.
Slowly, very slowly you begin to sense that you are moving through the exhaustion, feeling the beginnings of strength. You do research and seek good professional help and a few individual whom you trust to help you heal and restore your physical and psychological health.
Now you move along your own recovery pathways that activate the restorative parasympathetic body/mind systems, daily self care: rest, sleep, excellent nutrition, Nature's healing gifts, beautiful music, your form of spiritual practice: basic restorative yoga, stretching, gentle ancient movements of chi gong. And now what you deserve as a precious individual: the promise of renewal, strength and transformation, the fullness of your original true self.
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The high level narcissist is a restless individual who must continuously keep his ego fully inflated. He believes he is superior to others and highly entitled. He seeks grandiose goals of power and monetary gain.
Those who marry high level narcissists are unaware of their cunning and secrecy.
This irresistible personality appears to be warm, genuine, intelligent, talented. There is a kind of false magic that surrounds the high level narcissist. But a time comes behind closed doors revealing the ugly, frightening facade of the high level narcissist and you experience the raw, ugly, intimidating face of the narcissist's real self. He blames you for everything.
This is a time of your awakening to his true psychopathological nature. With clear discernment, your research and a grounded sense of self, you move forward, practicing self care each day along your unique pathways of creativity, wisdom and the renewal of your true self.
For years and even decades you have been under the control of the high level narcissistic spouse.
How to disengage from the high level narcissistic spouse after separating from them:
Activating your creativity: writing, painting, drawing, sketching, gardening, cooking, photography, sewing.
Deepening your intuition - deep insights that come through your unconscious filled with wisdom and light. Intuition is beyond reason, thought or study.
Honoring your solitude: quoting from Anthony Storr: "The creative person is constantly seeking to discover himself, to remodel his own identity and to find meaning in the universe through what he creates." Learning to appreciate your own company.
Dr. D.W. Winnicott, psychoanalyst and child psychiatrist developed the concept of the capacity to be alone. Dr. Winnicott explains that first the baby is in the mother's presence especially in the early months. Dr. Winnicott writes about the baby is allowed to "just to lie back and float" and the "opportunity that the baby has to experience separation without separation" in and out of the mother's presence.
Your spiritual practice is personal to you. This can encompass traditional religions and going to church, meditation the style that works for you, prayer, the holy books.
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There are exasperating choices some women have to make. Stay married to a spouse who is psychologically fused with his narcissistic mother or make the decision to sever the marriage because you can no longer tolerate the severe narcissistic abuse projected on to you.
This woman is not going to change. She is the vaunted matriarch of the family. She runs everyone: her husband, children, other family members. Her son (your spouse) loves and hates his mother but he is psychologically locked in to her. He has never been able to separate himself from her clutches. Soon his narcissistic mother revealed herself in full ugly vengefulness.
She gossiped about you to all the relatives, made up secrets about you and your family, telling all who would listen that you came from people who were dishonest and low class. This vicious gossip and flat out lives was very convincing to her coterie of family followers. They believed her. What a great actress!
You are in a miserable impossible situation. It is up to you to decide if you will remain in this very difficult role of villainess.
There are many stories of women subjected to this level of narcissistic abuse that recognize that their spouses are so fused with their mothers that this Gordian knot cannot be untied. It is a time of reckoning for you. Many women have taken the difficult tough pathway to their freedom from the narcissistic mother-in-law and found a renewal of their individuality, a new beginning. You grow in creativity, inner peace and the pursuit of your many gifts. You deserve tremendous credit for these extraordinary achievements.
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Quoting from my book: Freeing Yourself From the Narcissist in Your Life: "Spiritual waters are without boundaries. The spiritual connection is personal, constant and present. There ar no horizons here, only the deepest blue..."
"A person who possesses the spiritual quality of transparency is always the same despite the people and circumstance he encounters. He moves through life with calmness, grace and equanimity. He treats everyone with respect and lifts the psychic weight off of others."
Your spiritual journey and practice are unique to you. They evolve as you move forward. Spiritual practice has a pattern of its own that is designed by the individual along with the of the mystical.
Meditation and prayer take as many forms as there are individuals. Taking time to spend with ourselves in a practice is the beginning. Diaphragmatic breathing is very helpful for calming the nervous system. Listening to beautiful music is restorative.
Your meditation practice takes you beyond the psychological and emotional noise and disruption of the high level narcissist to a world of restoration and transformation and inner peace. No judgment here---just the magnificent, calming presence of your connection of your essence and the infinite and what you deserve is deep inner peace and basic trust.
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High level narcissists create and revise their biographies out of whole cloth . The high level conjures up stories about himself and his origins. They paint an illuminated heroic picture of their beginnings including their ancestors. According to their stories the come through biological lines of extraordinary individual: great thinkers, scientists, leader, ---everything about their family tree is special and unprecedented. Everything about this background is unparalleled. The high level has told this story so many times in different ways that it is automatic now with no need for memorization. The narcissist believes his own fictional tale.
Along the way the high level creates and conjures special roles for his partner and spouse, making sure that this person fits perfectly with the impeccable image that he is constantly projecting.
Rather than growing up identifying as a true authentic self, the high level narcissist, especially if he is a golden child, from the beginning is treated with the greatest deference, like a little prince or princess. The golden one doesn't have a sense of limits or psychological boundaries and lacks empathy.
High level narcissists place themselves, their self importance and sense of perfection at the top and look down on those who have not achieved their mastery of deception, manipulation and exploitation. They are always reaching for the next summit and as they rise and move up, deserting others whom they have used to maneuver to the top. These ace competitors will do anything to win!
Those who are partnered with or married to these ultimate exploiters have endured incalcuable psychological, emotional and financial problems over many years.
The voice inside speaks with great wisdom, telling you that you are entitled to move forward in a different direction from the high level narcissist. You listen and after your research and clear thinking and planning and leave the high level narcissist.
Now you are in the process of restoration, healing, transformation and evolution of the true, original self.
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
You were chosen by the high level narcissist because you fit his/her specifications as the perfect partner. You are bright, socially savvy, quite attractive, magnetic, empathic. You shimmer inside and out. You make people feel comfortable; they trust you.
The early years were inspired by a kind of beautiful scent, a magic elixir. You found the high level enchanting and compelling. Bright, very attractive, in command of himself and others, you said Yes to tis irresistible promise of having your dreams and wishes fulfilled.
When you look back now you remember the clues, the signs, the giveaways that were telling you that this person was disingenuous, a gifted liar, a double dealer, an unrepentant manipulator and exploiter.
Now after many years of psychological and emotional abuse, too many ugly wrenching scenes, abandonment, you are coming to a point of decision.
Each day you feel a bit more tired, dragging yourself around, forcing yourself by will and guilt to perform in your work and personal life.
Your body is lethargic and heavy feeling; your energy is sapped, your thoughts are gloomy even morose, an endless loop. At night you dread the sleep that will not come. And when it does you are subject to horrific nightmares.
You are being contacted by your deepest self, making every effort to get your attention through powerful dream images... Dreams are messengers from the unconscious, the fountain of wisdom
This is a time of awakening a time for you to practice self regard and the care of your psychological, emotional, physical and spiritual health.
Get the rest and sleep that you need. If you have problems sleeping, rest. Be unjudgmental about any difficulty sleeping. Resting is a powerful way to relaxation, calmness, acceptance and love for self, good nutrition, quality hydration, movement and exercise, stretching, basic yoga poses, walking, dancing, Nature, expanding your creativity in every form it takes for you. A spiritual practice, meditation and prayer the way you define this. Be unjudgmental and kind with yourself.
You feel the power and energy of your authentic original self as you move forward along your unique pathways.
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Human greed has been with us for tens of thousands of years. Greed is one of the great sins - the relentless pursuit of money, properties, luxurious possessions and the dark manipulations that are part of this game of pursuing more. Greedy high level narcissists are highly manipulative. With their obsessive need for more they plot and plan how they will exploit others, including their spouses, ex-spouses, relatives, children, "friends", business associates.
When the high level's greed leads to tremendous financial success, this individual feels special and over entitled. He looks down on those who have not achieved his level of success. At the same time he burns with envy at those who have more money, wield raw power and material acquisitions.
Male and female high level narcissists pursue partners and prospective spouses who are well connected socioeconomically.
Many are enraptured by the high level narcissist and captivated, they partner with and marry these high climbers. Sometimes the partner has no idea that he or she is being manipulated and exploited. For the narcissistic personality what belongs to you us theirs.
For the high level narcissist you are a commodity and resource that makes him very rich. You are interchangeable with others. If you don't bring it forward he will easily find someone else. For the high level greedy narcissist, everyone is expendable.
If you are partnered or married to a greedy high level narcissist there is a time of reckoning of becoming awakened to the true nature of the narcissistic personality. You can no longer be exposed to their psychological and moral toxicity. You are exhausted from their taking advantage of you, financially, psychologically, emotionally, creatively and spiritually.
You stand firmly grounded in your individual wisdom and insight. Now you move forward along the pathways of the healing and restorative parasympathetic of self care, the fruits of your unique creativity, the beauty of your self expression, spontaneity, solitude of inner peace. Give yourself tremendous credit for this journey you are making. And always listen to your intuition, a divine gift.
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Quoting from my book: Freeing Yourself From the Narcissist in Your Life: "A...high level...narcissist doesn't waste time on those who cannot perform for him/her. By seduction or guile he draws to himself those who will feed his constant need for power and admiration...The narcissistic personality values himself alone."
""The high level is finished with you and dispatches you to the hinterlands of obscurity and anonymity. You're faded, worn and exhausted and as a result the high level narcissist has neither time nor money nor attention for you. The high level doesn't run with those who are truly humble, good, true, fair or pure of heart."
Now you know the true nature of the high level narcissist. You are doing the research and very important, you have the clear discernment and insight to know and appreciate exactly who you are. Reflect on your unique individuality, your fine developed conscience, your mental clarity, your high intuition that speaks the truth. Practice self care each day.
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Spouses and partners of high level narcissists are constantly under extreme stress. As a result of many years or even decades of marriage to one of these demanding, demeaning, manipulative individuals, they suffer from a variety of symptoms. Many complain of different kinds of chronic fatigue and exhaustion.
When you are married to or partnered with a high level, constant outrageous demands are being made on you. If you grew up with a narcissistic parent, you were never at ease. There were no moments of respite Never carefree, quiet and relaxed - very little solitude.
After many years of marriage to and partnership with the high level narcissist you recognize that this time you must make some big decisions about this non-relationship.
This recognition represents an enormous shift in your perceptions. Now you have begun your journey to put the emphasis on the value and meaning of yourself as an individual who is entitled to inner peace, to be treated with respect and caring, to be cherished and valued, to pursue your creative gifts in an environment of encouragement and support.
You have been a primary resource of ego supply to the high level narcissist: adulation, praise, loyalty, creative collaboration.
Beneath the extreme confidence, self entitlement and charm, the high level narcissist is an individual who is constantly in need of keeping his ego fully inflated.
High level narcissists create a golden circle of followers and admirers who provide them with constant re-circulating adoration, obedience, monetary rewards that raise them up on the power food chain.
High level narcissists choose partners and spouses who increase the attraction and fascination that others have toward them. A socially skilled charming sophisticated partners is an invaluable part of the high level's appeal and cachet. High level choose souses who burnish their image, are gifted socially and add to the perfection of the high level's impeccable image.
For the high level narcissist you are an object who fulfills his/her needs, wants and expectations. Your perfect performance is expected.
The high level is cunning and has a gift for knowing your psychological vulnerabilities and deep wishes. He/she uses these skills for purposes of control and manipulation.
For some partners to high level narcissists it is the exciting and easy lifestyle that is so appealing. You feel like you can have anything you want because you are connected with the magic of the narcissist.
Behind closed doors the story turns ugly You become the object of the narcissist's vile projections, criticisms, humiliations. It is stressful and exhausting to be treated in this manner for so many years, even decades.
You have many insights and decide to move forward along your own pathway that you deserve to pursue your unique creative gifts, to go through your days with a sense of inner peace, appreciating and acting upon your individuality. Physical, psychological and creative energies are renewed. You have come back to your original true self.
In a culture rife with hyper-narcissism, the high level narcissist stands out as an individual who gets away with multiple forms of narcissistic abuse visited by spouses, ex-spouses, children, business associate.
The false selves of the narcissist are gifted at presenting themselves in the most irresistible way. They are charming, charismatic, tuned in to you.
Quoting from my book: Recovering and Healing After the Narcissist:
"The narcissist believes in an intricate world of his making, dominated by inflated illusions of self-importance. His style is grandiose---like some peacock or wild turkey with feathers in full display. His version of reality bears no resemblance to the truth."
Your ticket and pathway through the thickets of being victimized by the high level narcissist is based on your deep research, clear discernment, perseverance and psychological grounding.
Pay close attention to how the high level narcissist reveals himself/herself when the facade slips.
The false self persona slips and you behold the primitive shadow of this individual.
When you observe the truth about your narcissistic spouse, partner or parents, you can have confidence in your findings. Also your intuition leads the way in discerning the truth about the nature of the high level narcissist.
You are moving forward at your own pace; the wind is at your back. You are independent, grounded and creative. Remember to practice self care each day: rest/sleep, good nutrition, fine hydration, movement and exercise, spending time with Nature, a spiritual practice as you define it.
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Growing up as the child of a narcissistic parent is one of the most difficult and complex life histories a child can experience. The psychopathology of the narcissist is deep and daunting. As a baby and young child you were subjected to the full force of the narcissistic personality. Quoting from my book: Recovering and Healing After the Narcissist offers a clear picture of this fixed personality:
Narcissistic personality disorders are characterized by extreme self-absorption, lack of empathy, ruthlessness, incapacity for emotional intimacy, volcanic rage, chronic lying, deceit and exploitation.
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Your restoration and healing begins with your deep research and study of the true nature of the narcissistic parent. This is a foundational step for moving forward as a psychologically grounded individual.
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Children of narcissistic parents grow up with blocked emotions. Their feelings were stifled because it was psychologically dangerous to express themselves...Now that you are in the process of awakening to yourself allow feelings to come through.
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Recognizing that the deprivations and psychological abuse projected on to yu was not your fault. You were the innocent child the victim of the narcissistic parent's cruel, wanton projections. You were on the receiving end as an innocent child who was blameless. Take this truth inside and let it resonate deeply within you.
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Practice self care each day. Make it simple and do it your way. Get the rest and sleep that you need. Eat nourishing food, organic if possible. Hydrate well with pure water. Movement and exercise reduce stress, stretch our muscle and make us stronger with greater endurance. Spend time with Nature.
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Tap into your creativity each day. This takes as many forms as there are individuals. Think of all the ways you are creative: drawing, painting, sketching, sewing, quilting, photography, woodworking, all forms of writing, doing research on what fascinates you, crocheting, knitting, sewing.
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If you were traumatized as a child, growing up in a narcissistic family, you were often in a state of distress, hypervigilance, chronic anxiety. Your sympathetic nervous system, the fight or flight mode was over-worked. You could not let down and become relaxed. Growing up you were constantly on edge. You were raised by narcissists who could not be trusted, were incapable of genuine love, caring or warmth. You often felt waves of tremendous anxiety coursing through you. Chronic anxiety was a constant companion. You were besieged with insomnia. This is very understandable since you could trust no one.
No one in the family ever came to comfort you or made any effort to understanding what you were feeling. Displays of emotions were not allowed. They were scoffed at, derided and became the subject of scorn.
Being married to a high level narcissist you are often criticized, humiliated, demeaned, controlled, questioned and screamed at. In the beginning everything seemed almost perfect. Months go by and you notice chinks in this perfect false facade.When he makes huge mistakes you are blamed. Then the projections rev up. ..Your narcissistic spouse is always right and you are wrong. You are the culprit in every instance. Over time the high level creates a psychological climate of anxiety, extreme stress that becomes intolerable. There is no empathy coming from the high level. Your stress level heightens. Yo recognize that you are being re-traumatized by this narcissistic spouse. Memories of your toughest years of growing up in your narcissistic family from hell flash through your mind You feel that you are back there with the generalized anxiety, feelings of inadequacy.
You come to a time of awakening with all of your research and wisdom and revelation---Now you choose your own pathway of restoration and renewal to fulfill your destiny as a unique, creative evolved individual.
Practice self care: nourishing food, good hydration, Nature, movement and exercise, positive self regard, spending time with individuals whom you trust, your form of spiritual practice.
Give yourself tremendous credit for finding your way---for persevering and rediscovering the beauty and power of your true original self.
The high level becomes picky and criticizes you over the smallest issues.
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Today we are surrounded by narcissistic personalities, some of them high level: those individuals who are financially and socially successful. Many are exceedingly charming and easily psychologically magnetize people to them.
Their identities are defined by their obsession with climbing to the top professionally, monetarily and socially. Nothing else matters to them. These individuals are highly self confident, look down upon others, tend o be aggressive personalities who push others aside using cunning, well placed lies and subterfuges, plots and plans t make sure that they wind. If they have to cause distress and disappointment to others along the way, this doesn't matter to them.
Getting to the top is all that matters.
High levels are exceedingly greedy.
Along with their greed, the high level possesses extreme hubris. Coming from the Latin this means excessive pride or arrogance. Hubris is part of the package that the high level presents to the world and all of those who have to deal with them.
Those who are married to or partnered with the high level are on a very mixed journey.
Ultimately you are dealing with a severe personality disorder.
There is a time of awakening when you make the decision to move forward along pathways of individual fulfillment, solitude and your unique creativity.
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You made a secret deal with yourself. If you keep giving the high level narcissist a pass on his/her lying by omission and commission he will stay with you---you will not be abandoned! It is very difficult reveal to ourselves that we have been so desperate to have gone against our own well being. The fear of abandonment is overwhelming for many individuals who are involved with narcissistic personalities. Traumatized as children by a narcissistic mother or father, they were treated with coldness and cruelty, disdain and even disgust.
Even when this child behaves perfectly, this is not sufficient for the narcissistic parent to offer warmth, acceptance and caring. You cannot be good enough for a person with this kind of character disorder. The child of the narcissistic parent is psychologically and emotionally abandoned
When the adult child of a narcissistic parent marries a narcissist this pattern continues. The narcissist demands perfection from you.
Since they don't have a fully developed conscience it is easy for them to keep you from knowing about their secret lives. You want to believe the high level's lies. This is not your fault. It is the result of the psychological trauma you experienced as the abused abandoned child of your narcissistic parent.
Years, decades go by and you are still fighting yourself and remain with the high level narcissist. You have chronic insomnia, digestive disorder, you are constantly in a state of fight or flight, the sympathetic nervous system mode.
Finally, you recognize fully the true nature of the high level narcissist, that these are fixed personality disorders that do not change, that you must separate yourself from the high level narcissist to rescue your true original self, to restore your psychological, emotional and physical vitality and the use of your creative gifts. I give you tremendous credit for moving forward. I honor your insights, research, your fine character, psychological and emotional grounding, your unique creative gifts.
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You watch them make their entrances at prestigious private events---their overall "look" is impeccable. There are no flaws anywhere that you would discover even with an illumination device. You ask yourself: "How could anyone be that perfect?" Attention to detail is over the top. Like a perfect film set there is nothing out of place ever. Everything is focused on his image, entitlements, raw power, significant money making contacts, schemes and ruses for climbing to the summits of power and material largesse.
The high level narcissist habitually shifts blame on to you when he/she is at fault and has caused you psychological and emotional pain. This is not your fault. Narcissists never take responsibility for their multiple transgressions. They are incapable of empathy or a developed conscience.
You hear echoes of your role as the outcast in your family of origin. In this pathological family dynamics you were wrong from the beginning.
High level don't want you to be fully yourself as an individual; after all you would have a mind completely of your own and be unwilling to obey and tow the line to their overextended egos. They insist that you play their games and not take the initiative in important matters.
In the beginning the days are exciting; everything is magical.
There is a time when torrents of narcissistic psychopathology rain on you nonstop. The air is thick with the narcissist's recriminations, criticisms, accusations, ugly projections, flagrant lies. You feel the adrenaline running through your sympathetic nervous system during the day and especially at night. You cannot sleep; you are under siege. The dark shadow of the high level takes its toll on your psychological and emotional reserves. Chronic insomnia becomes part of your long nights.
There is a time of awakening when you recognize after much research and insight that you can no longer remain in this toxic non relationship with the high level narcissist.
You are moving forward now, knowing that you can reconstitute yourself as an independent, creative, calmer, grounded individual You feel a sense of peace and wholeness moving inside now. This is your day and time, your moment. Give yourself great credit for the complex and arduous journey you are making. Straight forward you go, seeking truth, wisdom, solitude, beauty, mutual trust and the full use of all of your unique creative gifts.
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Many of them go unnoticed at social events, appearing to be self effacing with a low grade ego. Meet the covert narcissist---that individual who is a narcissistic personality without the elaborate persona. They fool a lot of people with their practiced pseudo empathy and fake humility. Covert narcissists are highly competitive, manipulative, intensely secretive and willing to control you to get what and whom they want like their grandiose cousins.
Their motive is to win you over and gain your trust. Watch out, the covert narcissist is doing his dirty work.
To protect yourself from the covert narcissist, study every facet of the narcissistic personality. Become keenly aware of their game playing. Learn to detach yourself from the covert narcissist. Some individuals practice their form of meditation and prayer. Exercise, sleep, rest, nutrition, good hydration, creative pursuits.
You're in charge of yourself and your reaction to others. You are a unique individual: grounded, creative, persevering, inspiring.
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Quoting from my book: Freeing Yourself From the Narcissist in Your Life: "The narcissist lives in a world of his making, dominated by inflated illusions of self-importance. His version of reality bears no resemblance to the truth...the narcissist believes that everything flows from him.
High level narcissists who have achieved greatly through their myriad gifts, a mastery of using others to accelerate their climb up the summits of power and largesse, often lead heady lifestyles of glamour, pleasure, material acquisition, an over-weaning sense of self entitlement and personal perfection.
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As much as you have studied, analyzed and experienced the high level narcissist, the unbounded heights of their grand delusions of self are astounding. Watching them perform is both riveting and appalling.
The high level narcissist builds his/her delusions over time, starting with the earliest years, particularly if he is the golden child. If you are treated and told from baby hood that you are perfect, can make no mistakes, that you reign above others in every respect, it is understandable that certain children would take on the identity of the high level narcissist.
Contributing to the grand delusion of the narcissist is the lack of conscience which doesn't develop. This is the result of the parents not placing any limits or boundaries on the budding narcissist. These parents don't teach this child right or wrong, the capacity for empathy or an interest and respect for individuals other than themselves.
Beneath the surface in the unconscious the high level narcissist is psychologically a two year old child in tantrum mode when he doesn't get his way. His negative character traits are extraordinary: highly demanding, outrageous, manipulative, exploitive, callousness.
Are you familiar with this description and analysis of the high level narcissist? Were you married to or partnered with one of these impossible individuals? Did you have to deal with a high level narcissistic parent who treated you with disdain?
Now you are clear about the true nature of the high level narcissist, his delusions, cunning, lack of conscience, exploitation, mendacity, total lack of empathy.
This is your season of clarity, discernment, psychological grounded, deep insight. Give yourself great credit for the journey you have taken, the insights you have made, the perseverance that leads you to this point of awakening and choosing yourself, that wonderful individual of courage and wisdom. You ride now with the wind at your back, the vistas re wide and beautiful, the beginnings of new chapters to be written by you are straight ahead.
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Quoting from my book: Recovering and Healing After the Narcissist:
"In the parasympathetic some individuals hear words of healing insight. Others see rich beautiful colors...As you experience the parasympathetic consistently you internalize this experience as part of your real self." (Recovering and Healing After the Narcissist -Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D. LMFT0
Create zones of beauty and calmness in your home, some displays of color: semi precious stones, collections of yarn, beautiful prints, collages, bright paintings, your special collections, tapestries, small sculptures, origami.
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Married to and partnered with a high level narcissist, you are constantly trapped in their psychological quicksand. Like gravity you are drawn back to them
In the beginning they stood out as charming, delightful, desirable. You were attracted to the high level's extraordinary self confidence. You felt the power of this force of magnetic personality. You fused with the thrill of someone in full command of himself and delightfully dominating others. They are mesmerizing. These are the opening moves before you knw their true psychological nature.
Behind closed doors when no one "important" is watching, you are treated to the dark side of the high level narcissist. Volley after volley of vile projections are spewed, leaving you in a state of fear and trepidation. High level narcissistic rage fits are disquieting, confusing and stressful. The narcissist never apologies for these fits of temper.
The high level narcissist doesn't develop a full conscience. Lack of conscience works fantastically for the high level narcissist. This ride is smoothed by not having to cogitate about right or wrong, stepping on the feelings of others. cheating financially, never taking responsibility for misdeeds.
This individual moves at a great clip the economic and power summits spurred by his overriding ambitions. The high level is known for acting out behaviors: affairs, careless spending, stealing creative ideas from gifted others.
For many years even decades you have been the high level narcissist's partner, despite the psychological and emotional abuse heaped on to you.
Chronic insomnia, exhaustion through countless months, intestinal distress, bouts of depression finally bring you to the realization that you must make a decision to leave the high level narcissist.
The voice of your high intuition and discernment have finally spoken loudly enough that you are fully awakened to the true reality of the high level narcissist. You are ready to take the steps forward---to move along your own pathways of restoration and transformation that have been waiting for you. Give yourself tremendous credit for these decisions and affirmations of your original true self.
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The small child inside the empath needs and is entitled to special attention. Here are some of the ways that you activate kindness, appreciation and understanding. You become calmer, stronger and increase your physical, mental and psychological stamina as well as moving into the restorative parasympathetic body/mind systems.
Get comfortable when you rest. Wear easy fitting clothing that moves with you and is soft and easy against your skin. Res knowing that you are entitled to calming, quiet unscheduled time.
Basic yoga poses put you in the parasympathetic body/mind systems where you are free and untethered, no demands are made, you are floating in a quiet sea.
Child' pose is especially fine for rest and restoration.
Take naps without judgment.
Listen to beautiful music that calms and restores you.
Enjoy Nature each day.
Listen to a book narrator that puts you into the story, characters, sense of place.
Do everything at your pace. No rushing. Walk and do a firm of meditation on Nature in each moment.
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As a child you were the peacemaker, child servant, invisible child, the quiet one in your family. As a child you didn't fit in with your family. They had an image of themselves that was developed and highly polished, especially if you had a narcissistic parent or narcissistic mother and father.
Everything had to be perfect at all times including the children. You remember the strict routines, the multiple layers of external perfection, the grand show. The image was all that mattered: what you wore, your grades, schools you attended, important friends and contacts. This was emphasized. This is the false reality of the narcissistic family.
You are not part of your family's fairy tale. You are not in the chorus - following the steps by rote.
You choreograph your own dance. You dream it up, work it out and perform it. beautifully. You are a gifted soloist.
Follow your intuitive wisdom and listen to the winds of your creativity.
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Empaths are high ly perceptive, exquisitely sensitive individuals. They are attuned to their external and internal environments. Tehy feel deeply and are often misunderstood by spouses, family members and the world at large.
Empaths who are married or partnered with high level narcissists have a particularly difficult journey.
In this situation with a high level narcissist the empath is accumulating tremendous amounts of oxidative stress.
Many of you grew up as children of a narcissistic parent or both mother and father. Demands and reprimands were daily occurrences. Narcissistic mother and fathers gave you the message that you didn't and couldn't measure up to lowest expectations. You felt irredeemably flawed. For making great efforts to obtain any real attention, warmth, attachment, acceptance never work. You were looked upon with scorn and disgust. No one in your family understood you.
Married to a high level narcissist you are at the mercy of their recriminations, criticisms, projections. There is a time of awakening when you can no longer tolerate being controlled by the high level narcissist.
You come to a time of awakening, an opening to your authentic original self. You practice self care, explore your creativity, learn to access the calming, parasympathetic body/mind systems. I give you so much credit for restoring your original sense of self and now stand tall: grounded, gifted, going strong.
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Quotes from my book: Recovering and Healing After the Narcissist: "Creativity is occurring every moment, whether we are awakening, asleep or dreaming. It is a transpersonal experience that redeems us from our life histories."
""Imagination is our creative engine. Like a sense of humor imagination is unique to each person, our creative DNA.
"Encourage the flow of your imagination Be open---there are no rules, limits or boundaries. Follow where your imagination leads you."
Creativity's Messengers:
Dreams are a great gift of the unconscious and remain mysterious. Some record their dreams and analyze them. Dreams are the secret to the unconscious.
Intuitive Sight - Intuition is always with us. It moves faster than the speed of thought. Intuition always reveals the truth. Honor and pay close attention to your intuitions.
Nature is our home - the epitome of beauty. We are observers and participants in Nature.
Each season, each day, each moment is unique and beautiful.
What are your fondest memories of Nature as an adult, a teen, a child: Each tree is an individual yet they communicate with one another.
Remember the Moon at night and the glorious presence of the Milky Way.
Notice the magnificence of the colors of flowers - their unique shape and relationship to one another.
Remembering weather of all kinds: Cold, dark, windy winter, Remembering the heat of Summer - Coping with high humidity,
Remember falling asleep outside on an autumn afternoon .
Being at the shore - sky and sea met. Each day watch the life throughout the year
Here comes the Winter's shift with snow, ice storms, torrents of rain, thunder and lightening. We feel comfort and soothing when we put on comfortable clothing when we have been cold.
Spring comes with the multitudes of birds, profusion of flowers -- magnificent experience. Color is a great blessing and Nature keeps us in the present.
We are part of Nature and over hundreds of thousands of years Nature has been our companion, source of necessary sustenance, beauty, creativity, a great companion and friend.
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Empaths are often informal. They don't have a retinue of followers or adorers, those that do their bidding. There are certain qualities that empaths possess. They are sensitive to their external and internal environments and have been this way since babyhood. Empaths have very keen perceptions.
Empaths tend to savor their solitude; these times offer them a freedom in which they are not required to deal with the psychodynamics and dramas of others.
Empaths have wonderful rich imaginations.
Quoting from my book: Freeing Yourself From the Narcissist in Your Life:
"In his interactions with the other person who embraces simplicity is straightforward. There are no hidden agendas, no psychological ploys, no manipulative histrionics.
Simplicity is like the purest waters of an azure lagoon, where a swimmer views the white sandy bottom thirty feet down. They put no finger to the wind to gauge if they are liked or accepted.
The individual who practices simplicity uses his gifs fully and willingly gives them back to the world."
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Lying for the narcissist is as predictable and natural as the sun rising i the East. High level narcissists lie through commission and omission and by intricate combinations of the two. They pile one lie on top of the other with great "skill" and insouciance. Remember, narcissists unlike you and me do not have a fully developed conscience.
High levels are shameless with their lies. They tell huge ones without blinking or blanching or having the slightest prick of conscience.
The high level focuses on his primary goals:
Keeping his /her ego fully inflated at all times.
Seeking power over others within his occupational and societal orbit.
Keeping his eyes on the prize - material largesse, getting rid of competitors and if this involves smear campaigns the high level is gifted at ruining reputations through lies, accusations and insinuations.
The consequences of their multiple lies, misdeeds, cruelties, betrayals never enters their minds. In fact they blame everything that goes wrong on their victims and other innocents that are handy. Spreading lies and rumors are all part of their playbook. :
When things get touch the lying high level leaves you behind. You have worn thin - they are looking and finding a new shiny replacement. You are exhausted and no longer attractive to them. So they are off to create another delusion with someone who is naive, compliant, even worshipful of them.
You have awakened to the true nature of the high level narcissist.
You are moving forward despite your history with this dreadful personality.
You have persevered - through your knowledge, psychological stamina, inner wisdom, intuition. This is your time of transformation, healing, restoration.
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A beast of burden is defined as an animal who caries heavy loads or must do very hard work.
High level narcissists often put their children, spouses, ex-spouses, family members in the role of servants.
The high level narcissist is imperious. He/she is the ruler in every relationship. Children of narcissists are at the mercy, whim, impulse, psychopathology of their highly disturbed parents. Being raised by a high level narcissistic parent, the child has no real support, validation, emotional closeness, feeling of security or protection or sense of entitlement (unless he is the golden child and adored.
Children growing up with a high level narcissistic parent describe that they felt like prisoners in their own homes.
The high level narcissistic parent is highly demanding of what he or she wants and must have. Nothing is ever good enough for the narcissistic parent.
The child of a narcissistic parent is likely to marry a narcissist, repeated the psychological pattern of abuse.
The high level narcissistic spouse is impossible--making outrageous demands, throwing criticisms right and left, making the partner feel unworthy and defective.
Some high level narcissistic spouses keep their human beats of burden.
Those married to high level narcissists can awaken to the truth that they have been the victims of narcissistic abuse, move forward along their own pathways of restoration, renewal, transformation and the full use of your creative original self. They are human beasts of burden no longer. You belong to your unique self, use your creativity fully and deeply.
Practice self care each day: sleep, rest, listen to beautiful music, movement and exercise that works for you, good nourishment and hydration, a form of mindfulness. that you discover, the gifts of Nature, the use and richness of your unique creativity.
Predatory narcissists are beautifully packaged, have great social skills, charisma, mirror you and make you feel special.
Sequence of predatory narcissists in controlling you:
Engage you and show great interest in you, very friendly.
Activate the relationship
Exploit you completely - taking your time, energy, your creative gifts, making constant demands, wearing you out, humiliating you.
They will reactivate this relationship and re-exploit you many times over years and decades.
Eventually the narcissist will discard you with a newer, compliant model. You are not an individual to them. You are a commodity they use to feed their egos and fulfill their outrageous goals.
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High level narcissists are dissemblers, filled with patterns of deceit and corruption. They conceal the truth from you at every turn. As the partner, spouse or child of a high level narcissist, you can only expect lies and purposeful obfuscations from these individuals.
Some of the things that the high level takes from you:
Your inner peace and sense of solitude.
Eclipse the amount of time that you can spend in the calming restorative parasympathetic body/mind systems where you experience healing and transformation.
Making continuous demands for keeping their fragile egos inflated with constant praise, adulation, obedience, unlimited attention, gratitude, veneration.
High level narcissists are dissemblers who despise the truth. Constructing elaborate lies and obfuscations are the methods that they use to continue to rise up to their over the top positions of power and influence.
High levels put untold pressures on you to compromise your well developed conscience.
High level narcissists are envious of your creative gifts. Sometimes they lift your original concepts and exploit them for their own purposes.
High levels wear you down with multiple humiliations that they know will compromise you psychologically and emotionally.
Ultimately you can never be your true self partnered with a high level narcissist. They are incapable of developing meaningful, empathic, loving relationships.
At a point of deep insight you decide to move forward as an independent, free, creative, grounded person, steeped in your own wisdom, psychological stamina unique individuality.
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The beginnings of trust occur very early in a child's life. The baby, especially the empath, senses whether he/she can depend on his/her mother or father to feel safe, secure, valued, psychologically grounded.
With a narcissistic mother you treaded lightly, always waiting for her to blow like a bubbling volcano.
You took on the burden of your parents' core psychological issues and tried to solve their problems so that you could have a real family. You were the fixer and the little child grownup.
There comes a time of clarity when you recognize that you can no longer play the role of family fixer.
This is your moment of independence, self care and transformation.
Keep company with yourself; get to know and appreciate who you are as an individual. This is a time of solitude and resfulness.
Trust your deep intuition.
Rest, rest, rest.
Movement and exercise that works for you.
Listen to restorative beautiful music. Spend time with Nature.
Good nutrition and hydration.
Activate and honor your creativity.
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Some days empaths don't get much done. They are criticized for not being productive. Empaths are unique in their high sensitivity and keen perceptions and intuitions.
Empaths are considered very strange by most people.
Empaths go through periods of insomnia and sometimes it's chronic. If you can't sleep, rest and be patient with yourself. Practice diaphragmatic breathing.
Eat organic food if possible, hydrate with pure water. Listen to beautiful music. Move and exercise.
Embrace your individuality as an empath.
High level narcissists spend their days exploiting others. This is their style and their deep need to take advantage of every relationship: spouses, partners, ex-spouses, children.
When you are partnered with a high level narcissist this individual interferes with the expression of your individuality and creativity.
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You become part of the Image that defines them as special and superior to others. The narcissist expects you to mirror his/her perfection. For the narcissist image is reality. This insistence interferes with the development of your individuality.
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With your fine character you make the high level narcissist look very good. .The high level uses your character as a vehicle for twining with you.
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High levels are often attracted to empaths. Empaths are highly intuitive and experience a deep understanding and appreciation for the feelings of others. Again, the empath is often very forgiving and will stay with the high level despite how badly they are treated..
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High level narcissists ride high on your unique creativity and some of them exploit your creativity ideas. They are unwilling to give your many creative gifts.
AT a point of awakening you recognize that you can no longer be manipulated and controlled by the high level narcissist. You have done the research about the true nature of the narcissistic personality. . Your wisdom and deep insights have brought you to the recognition and decision that you are moving forward to separate from the level narcissist and put yourself first.
Give yourself so much credit for appreciating who you are as an authentic, empathic, creative, individual. You are persevering, grounded, have many gifts and are moving along the pathways of the authentic original self.
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The word "desolation" is from the French going back hundreds of years. It means a state of emptiness or destruction.
Growing up with a narcissistic parent(s) you suffered from the beginning. Some of you sensed there was something wrong and frightening about your family. Some children of narcissistic parents wonder if they were switched at birth. Of course you knew that this was not literally the case.
From earliest childhood you felt a deep need to please your narcissistic parent. You made constant efforts to be accepted and loved by mother or father. These children are emotionally starving for attention and care.
You suffered greatly from the humiliations, accusations, punishments, guilt induction, extreme control placed on you by the narcissist.
Those who stay married to the high level narcissist are under tremendous stress, day and night. There is no respite, your nervous system is constantly in fight or flight survival mode.
There is a time of awakening when you step forward to ground yourself in your unique individuality. This is your pathway of psychological grounding and transformation. Give yourself tremendous credit for your journey of the rediscovery of your wholeness, uniqueness and creativity.
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The high level narcissist is a restless human being. He/she is always seeking narcissistic supplies--those psychological foods that he must have in order to keep his ego sense of self fully inflated....
Those who marry high level narcissists are unaware of their cunning and secrecy.
You have been betrayed too many times and treated with disrespect---This is a non-relationship.
Now you are awakening to self care: rest and sleep, nourishing food, hydration, movement and exercise, Nature, beautiful music, your form of spiritual practice.
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High level narcissists cause multiple psychological and emotional traumas in the lives of others, particularly their spouses, ex-spouses, children, in-laws. Always on the hunt for narcissistic supplies which includes a feverish search for people they can exploit, the high level can deleteriously affect a wide swath of people including close family members. Exploitive, duplicitous, high manipulative, secretive, the high level never stops his hunt for the ultimate narcissistic supplies: praise, adulation, social status, wealth, spouses and partners that will enhance his/her image of perfection.
I have seen families decimated in the aftermath of the narcissist's vicious, repeated dark deeds. Having neither shame nor conscience, a high level narcissist, thinks absolutely nothing of leaving an ex-spose and his children with no financial support or security while he or she moves on with a new fresh partner to marry again and begin a new family. Narcissists don't stop. Just when you think that they have mellowed, changed or slowed down, they will surprise you with finding another way to obstruct you.
High level narcissists want everything for themselves. They will never take responsibility ever for the damage that they do. Never wait for an apology or reparations from them. They view themselves as perfect---they have the problem.
Become highly informed about the narcissistic personality. This is a powerful tool for you.
You are moving forward along your pathways of the original self. You deserve tremendous credit for all of your research, insights, intuitions and great wisdom
You cannot be the spouse of a high level narcissist and be free to be yourself. The narcissist takes space in certain crevices of your mind and heart that cannot be overlooked.
High level narcissists nibble away at our hope, creativity and optimism. They pick at you here and there. For spouses who are more dependent and vulnerable, they can leave this person helpless, unable to make their own decisions, immobilized psychologically.
High level narcissists weaken, deride and humiliate the ones This is delusional on their part.
After research, study, insights and many efforts you reach an awakening to the truth about the true nature of the high level narcissist.
Practice self care each day: rest, sleep, nourishing food, good hydration, movement and exercise that works for you,.
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Qualities of Individuality
Independence of Mind- Respecting your thought processes but remaining flexible to changing your perceptions when research and insight individuates your movement to a new direction.
Trusting your intuition - Flashes of wisdom that move taster than thought.
Appreciate the forces that created you and how you survived and who you are becoming as a unique individual.
Appreciating you sense of humor - Humor is magic and distinguishes us as individuals.
A scene from a camping site near the ocean describes the beauty and simplicity of family and friend gatherings overlooking the ocean. Campers have set ups that move from motor homes to trucks to small campers.
This is a lovely scene of people enjoying the cooking and eating of homemade food, children playing games, scooters, bikes; adults talking with one another with warmth, small fires that create warmth and friendship.
Recall your memories of times you spent in beautiful natural places: ocean, lakes, mountains. These experiences are calming, enjoyable, hopeful, restorative
Appreciate yourself as an individual, immerse yourself in beauty every day, get the rest and sleep that you need and deserve, hydration, nourishing food, movement and exercise, listen to beautiful music.
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I hear from many partners of predatory narcissistic personalities who have struggled profoundly in their marriages to narcissistic personalities.
Living with a narcissistic spouse saps your energy, increases anxiety and hypervigilance, blocks your creative juices, stunts your emotional expression and spontaneity, isolates you from family and friends, sends you into depressive moods dysregulates your body/mind systems, increases oxidative stress, traps you in the sympathetic zone, the fight or flight survival mode.
How much longer will you continue this self destructive pattern? How many more times will you return to the narcissist?
This is your moment of awakening, your revelation of the pathway of the authentic self. Your road is up ahead, awaiting your presence.
Recognize that you are entitled, you are created to fulfill your destiny, a unique, creative, evolved individual.
Spend as much time as you can in the calming restorative, parasympathetic mode: rest, sleep, nourishing food, hydration, beautiful music, time with individuals you trust, your unique spiritual practice, restorative time with Nature.
Narcissists are constantly projecting their unconscious psychological venom on to others, especially spouses, children and other family members. Inside the privacy of the home, those who revere the image that the narcissist presents in the outside world have no inkling just how ugly the narcissist's personality can be. For those he/she is impressing to obtain narcissistic supplies, this person becomes a source of adulation and veneration.
For those who live with him behind closed doors, the narcissist is a living nightmare. He is constantly demanding, spoiled, insisting on perfection from others. When narcissists don't get from you what they say they want, they are inclined to scream like two year olds with greatly enhanced volume. When you do something perfectly he finds a flaw and starts picking away at you. They are relentless insisting that they are right, you are wrong and that there is something psychologically and mentally askew with you. The reverse is true--this individual has a severe personality disorder that is not going to change.
For many spouses it is necessary to sever the relationship because of its toxicity to them. Learning how to detach and build a stronger solid sense of self and your own entitlement are keys to dealing with the narcissistic personality and moving forward as a unique, grounded individual.
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High level narcissists are ravenous for new ideas and concepts. If they can't conjure up one themselves, they will steal yours. They become intrigued with you if you have talent. With their charm and believable facade they convince you that you are destined to become an integral part of their corporative team.
They cascade you with compliments. They treat you like royalty. Most people are fooled by this full court charm and adoration offensive. You start to trust them and share your creative projects with them. Your designs, apps, book concepts, etc., are laid out in full detail. The project is moving forward. Your friend and business partner has disappeared. Some time later you discover that your creative concepts have been commandeered and now have his label on them. He has betrayed you.
The lesson here is to always remember the value of your unique creativity. Pay attention to your intuitions that accurately reveals l the true nature of the narcissistic personality.
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Quote by Carl Jung "Everyone carries a shadow, and the less it is embodied in the individual's conscious life, the blacker and denser itis. At all counts, it forms an unconscious snag, thwarting our most well-meant intentions."
Trapped in a marriage or partnership with a pernicious high level narcissist, an individual obsessed with self and public image with extreme self entitlement, very low conscience capacity, often an infant terrible with a dreadful temper that is projected out on to you behind closed doors. This is horrifying to the spouse or child of the high level narcissist.
The high level carries from within a primitive, seething Shadow that ejects venom in various forms on to you: false accusations, recriminations, incessant criticisms, withering projections that send you into the dark reaches of the fight or flight nervous system, the sympathetic mode. You are at the mercy of the narcissist's rampant regressed Shadow. The opposite occurs in public with the high level who worships his image. Here there is a major shift---the look of the face, the eyes, the movements, pace, style are transformed. The narcissist, an incredible method actor lights up with this charismatic false self. He/she turns it on like a light switch, a transformation that is highly impressive.
How much longer can you tolerate the scream fits, volleys of temper, scathing glances, belittlings that leave you psychologically and physically weakened. You don't and never did deserve to be treated this way.
Make a stand now for yourself. You deserve to be treated with respect and deference.
With this opening, you belong to yourself again--spontaneity, joy, awe, beauty, solitude, independence of thought.
I want to share some thoughts about the Shadow with you.
For tens of thousands of yeaars man has been dealing with his Shadow in a variety of ways. Going back to the dawn of time when man first walked the earth upright, he has been infused with the Shadow parts of himself found in the deep unconscious of his psyche.
Today we are still facing our Shadows. As humans we carry the inheritance of our Shadow selves. Tis is not a curse but an incredible boon to those who seek wholeness, individuation and the promise and the fulfillment of one's unique creativity.
Charming, charismatic, gifted at luring you in and bringing you back when you have decided to leave them.
Golden boy high level narcissists seek escape and pleasure to the extreme. When things get tough they run off, escape to their pleasure domes, go on buying sprees, have exciting affairs, spent lots of money on bling--jewelry, fine clothes, fancy trips and exotic treks, endless shopping sprees.
Pathological bragging about what they own, what they purchaed, what they plan to buy, prominent schools they attended, their myriad successes, their grand plans to acquire more material largesse.
Exceedingly vain--Constantly perfecting how they look, clothing they wear, cars they drive, homes they purchase.
Excessive pathological self entitlement. He knows that he can control the lives of others, especially his spouses, children and inner social circle.
When you fully comprehend that the golden boy narcissist cannot be your partner and is incapable of authentic empathy or compassion, being faithful to you, deeply appreciating you as an individual-----you finally see through the magnificent delusion he has created and that you at one time believed was true.
Now you are grounded in our own unique true reality, you are moving forward with perseverance and self assertion---discovering your own direction---coming back to your oriiginal self.
I give you so much credit for this journey you have taken, leaving the high level narcissists and all others of this ilk.
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A parasitic narcissist is a merciless taker, feeding off of your emotional and psychological attachment to them, your vulnerability and dependency. They steal your physical and psychological energy and exploit your creative gifts.
The narcissist puts you in fight or flight mode, the sympathetic nervous system zone which causes oxidative stress. When prolonged it disrupts the endocrine and adrenal systems, can cause extreme exhaustion, chronic insomnia, gut dysbiosis and weakening your immune system.
Over many years of being ruthlessly victimized by the parasitic narcissist you are always exhausted, lack energy and yur self-assertion has diminished with your confidence, your creative gifts lie fallow, you have severe mood shifts, feel depressed and anxious most of the time.
How to break free from the parasitic narcissist:
Research and stud the origins and psychodynamics of the narcissistic personality. Read my books: Freeing Yourself From the Narcissist in Your Life, Recovering and Healing After the Narcissist.
Let go of the shame and doubt that has bound you from childhood through daily practice of self care: sleep, rest, downtime,, using your creative gifts, movement and exercise that works best for you.
Use your inner wisdom and intuition to continually protect yourself from entering into relationships with narcissistic personalities.
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Narcissistic mothers come in innumerable sizes, shapes, proclivities, temperaments, dispositions but they have traits in common with regard to the way they treat their children. Being the child of a narcissistic mother is one of the most difficult , complex and painful human roles,
Narcissistic mothers:
Focus ont hemselves whether they are overt or covert narcissistic personalities.
These mothers insist on their version of "reality" not yours.
They are highly entitled to get and have whatever they want. If this means that you are their servant that's just fine with them.
Narcissistic mothers rather than have a genuine relationship with their child are highly exploitive, using them to suit her purposes.
Their children are put into roles that burnish the narcissistic mother's perfect public image.
Narcissistic mothers are great actors who convince family members, social and professional circles that they are highly devoted and dedicated and loving toward their children. They are method actors in this way and fool almost everyone.
Narcissistic mothers are masters of control and rule the household and children like tyrannical potentates.
Narcissistic mothers humiliate their children, weakening them psychologically and causing them to doubt themselves.
Narcissistic mothers are hypocrites---very strict and insistent that their child behaves perfectly but having no standards of civility or empathy in the way that she treats her children.
Narcissistic mothers re incapable of true insight and spend their days in states of psychological denial and manufactured version of their delusional world where they reign as perfect, fine individuals. This is their belief.
You are a separate individual from your narcissistic mother. Learn to appreciate your individuality, creativity gifts, your warmth, intelligence, self initiation, kindness and psychological strength and stamina.
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This is Part 2 of the podcast: High Level Narcissistic Golden Boy - Attracted to Empaths.
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Recall when you were face to face with an individual who exuded a palpable charm, a kind of erotic force that was impossible to deny, an enchantment.
The golden one of many gifts - often handsome, articulate, at times brilliant, smooths his way through life having been born as a kind of nobility.
Enter the empath, that unique individual of great discernment, intuition and sensitivity. Often introverted they are drawn to this individual of towering self confidence, indomitable energy, fearlessness combined with magnetic charm.
If drawn into the narcissist's enchanted circle the empath is loyal and tends to put up with the projections, criticisms and humiliations by the high level narcissist.
There is a point of awakening when the empath has had more than enough of the high level's brand of abuse and with research and inner wisdom decides to move forward along the pathways of the original self and put the emphasis on self care and creative and personal transformation.
Children of narcissistic parents endure many psychological deprivations and abuses. These parents are obsessed with themselves and their needs and desires.
Growing up in these homes from hell you were often ignored. When you did not mirror the narcissistic parent perfectly you were highly criticized, humiliated, treated with scorn, even revulsion.
Growing up in this way you received no sense of self entitlement. The message you received was one of unworthiness, disrespect, disdain.
As you move forward in your recovery and transformation from the narcissistic parent you learn the following:
Entitled to the expression of our feelings of joy, exciteman, spontaneity, humor, sadness, anger.
Self assertion as a unique individual with many unique creative gifts.
Solitude, the capacity to be alone and experience inner peace.
Feelings psychologically and emotionally secure within yourself.
Expectations of being treated with respect.
Fully entitled to all of the fruits of your creativity.
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Quotes from Sister Wendy Beckett's television presentation from the great cave art of Lascaux: "With only their flickering lamps to guide them the cave men felt their way down into the earth...What they paint are the great bulls and bison and the wild deer; all the animals they didn't hunt but they watched them. "
"It's that looking with awe and wonder that makes Lascaux what it is because all these animals are beautiful... But art isn't like that, art is about being human. Children make art instinctively. Archeologist know when they find evidence of at they found evidence of human beings. All that is best in us, our desires, our hopes, our truth."
Quote from my book: Recovering and Healing After the Narcissist about Color and its contribution to your individuality and creativity.
Presenting the magnificent painting by Johannes Vermeer, Dutch painter of Delft called: Girl with A Pearl Earring. She is called the Mona Lisa of the North. This magnificent painting engages us on a personal level. We are in communication with this girl of fascination, beauty and individuality. She is present with us in this moment.
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High level narcissists have no respect for the needs, feelings, individuality and wishes of others. They are disinterested in others---fascinated by everything "me.". The high level narcissist looks to find a compliant narcissistic supply who will keep his/her ego fully inflated.
Spouses of high level narcissists have difficulty drawing clear lines of differentiation between their needs for self respect and privacy because the narcissist is so intimidating.
Develop strong psychological boundaries by practicing self respect, honoring your individuality, self care routines: rest, sleep, movement/exercise, nourishing food, grounding through yoga poses, walking, calming the breath.
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Being on the receiving end of the narcissist's scream fits and rage fests causes you extreme distress. These bombardments can continue for hours, even days. When you try to fall asleep you become hypervigilant, wondering if and when the rage will resume.
When you're being raged at you feel endangered. The amygdala, the emotional brain sends a message to the hypothalamus which activates the sympathetic fight or flight nervous system, increasing your stress hormones.
Those married to high level narcissists experience shame, a dreadful experience of the psyche, body and mind. If you were shamed as a child the effect of the projections of shame on to you by your narcissistic spouse multiply the negative experiences and consequences for your feelings of well being and inner peace.
There is a time of awakening, after all of your research, insights, intuitions---a deep knowing that you are entitled to be free to be yourself, to experience solitude, to grow in creativity, spirituality, to access the calming, restorative world of the parasympathetic nervous systems: rest, relax, digest, downtime, beauty, good nourishment, your full sense of humor.
You are on the pathway of the original self. Acknowledge this great achievement. You have persevered and won the race.
Congratulations!
The high level narcissist, though charming, accomplished and charismatic, is psychologically shallow For most it is the achievement of the perfect image and persona that supersedes the personality. The high level uss a series of powerful defense mechanisms that keep him/her from searching for self truth and insight. This is not their focus. They are driven to succeed in the world, to compete and win against others who would dare to play against them. Their values are materialistic, have a surface veneer that shines brightly on the outside and hides the shallow empty horrors deep in their disturbed psyches.
It is automatic for the high level for taking no blame since these individuals don't develop a conscience.
With research and intuitive wisdom you recognize that you can no longer share yourself with a loathsome being who is transforming himself/herself into a monstrous vision of himself.
Now is your time for separating yourself away from this daily nightmare.
You are on your way. Give yourself special attribution for the journey you are taking on the pathway of the original self.
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There is a common thread that runs through many marriages to narcissists, especially when rumblings of a divorce are in the ait. Before the lightening strikes it is not unusual for the narcisistic spouses to have hidden the financial assets.
Narcissists are chronic liars. You cannot change these characteristics.
Besides the financial matters, the narcissist is psychologically and emotionally eclipsing your days.
When you decide the marriage is no longer working with the narcissist, create your own plan in advance of the separation and divorce. Make sure that you interview two lawyers and more if necessary to find an expert in divorce law. Be sure this person is your excellent advocate and has a fine character.
This is a complex process. I give you so much credit for making this decision and following through.
You now are moving along the pathways of the authentic original self and deserve tremendous credit for taking the initiative and persevering.
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Quoting from my book Freeing Yourself From the Narcissist in Your Life: "The narcissist puts his life in neat compartment that are separate from one another...These are kept separate from the unconscious parts of himself that feel depressed, enraged, empty and helpless.
Without a developed conscience the high level continues his acting out patterns. The compartmentalization keeps the ego of the high level narcissist fully inflated. It is smooth sailing for them to act out in duplicitous ways with different partners.
The renowned painter Pablo Picasso often had affairs with several women going at one time.
High level narcissists never apologize or look back with regret over the psychological and emotional abuse they have instigated. The simply move on to the next man or woman who fulfills their needs for adoration, libidinal excitement, veneration, constant attention.
The high level narcissist with extraordinary charm, allure and irresistibility, glides through his/her days like a member of royalty. . There is a special vibration that the high level possesses that is challenging to define. When you are in th presence of certain high level you feel so good. There is an excitement that moves throughout your body/mind in the presence of a particularly gifted high level narcissist. The eyes of the high level almost embrace you, giving off an air of seduction. Some feel an immediate attachment to these high level narcissist.
For many years you played your role of partner and spouse to the high level narcissist, knowing he/she was psychologically toxic. You go through a series of defined now familiar patterns beginning with the spellbound days of thrills, magic excitement and awe; then the resumption of rifts with the exposure of new lies and betrayals; coming to the edge of separation from this impossible conundrum of a relationship.
You are now full circle and heavy with exceptional exhaustion. In the past you jacked yourself up with coffee, plunged into exercise, distracted yourself with fantasies and fancies. The tricks have worn thin; they don't work anymore.
One woman described her impossible states as she screamed: "I can't take one more step. Brushing my teeth wears me out. I fall into bed exhausted but in the middle of the night I stare at the ceiling for hours in severe distress and worry. My nerves are always ragged and frayed despite my extreme fatigue."
The high level narcissist preys on your weaknesses, your sense of inappropriate guilt, your need to over extend yourself to others.
Deep inside this time you pay attention to the voice of wisdom, your intuition that tells you to leave this highly abuse relationship, that this is your time of transformation. You deserve respite, rest, solitude, calmness, listening to the voice of your unique creativity and a grounded sense of self entitlement
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So perfect in the beginning, beyond all imaginings---you are swept up in the excitement, pleasures, promises, allure of this impeccable relationship with the high narcissist.
As the months move forward you began to see and feel the waves of rage, criticisms, manipulations, careless lies beneath the surface.
The rage projections begin and accelerate. These ugly tirades race through your body and brain. The amygdala, that part of the limbic system of the brain, the center of strong feelings is activated. The amygdala puts the sympathetic nervous system into motion with the release of stress hormones and the activation of the figh or flight response.
The clear message from your high level narcissist spouse is: "You are expendable, replaceable; you don't count as an individual."
While your high level narcissist partner glides through his/her days without missing a beat, you are distraught, worn out, emotionally jangled and confused.
There is a junction, an accumulation of angst, trepidation and exhaustion which converge and cannot be denied. The inner voice finally gets your attention saying: "you are being lied to, exploited, raged at. Your psychological and physical health is compromised. Wake up now!"
You shift direction forward to your own unique pathway of separation and the rediscovery of your original self. Give yourself tremendous credit for this profound shift you have made.
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High level narcissists are obsessively driven to reach the top of their mountains of ambition and achievement, whether the goals are wealth, power, prestige, praise or veneration.
For the high level this is a much easier route since these individuals are very light in the conscience department. The narcissistic personality does not develop a highly developed conscience during his/her formative years. Beneath the surface of the perfect facade you find an absence of adhering to what is right or wrong.
I have observed that high levels obtain huge ego supplies by planning their route to the upper reaches of success.
Ultimately the high level narcissist is a predatory exploiter.
High level narcissists have no difficulty at all abandoning their spouses, children, friends when, according to their plan for success they must shift and in some instance leave their spouses and children to make their next ascendant step.
Along the way they have psychologically and emotionally harmed countless individuals, abandoned and pended too many lives, including their children. For the high level this doesn't matter.
You are the one who has borne and survived the cunning plots and plans of the high level narcissists.
Now you know this high level in full. Understand that you are not and never were to blame for his/her deceits, abandonments, vile projections, insidious acting out behaviors.
Give yourself tremendous credit for your psychological stamina, clear discernment, personal integrity, your unique creative gifts, compassion and empathy.
You are on the pathways of recovery, transformation and restoration, deep inner healing.
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The parasympathetic mode is that part of the nervous system that causes us to become calm, relaxed, digest, rest, restore, increase creativity, go deeper spiritually.
The parasympathetic rescues us from what Dr. Bessel Van der Kolk, psychiatrist and researcher, foremost authority defines trauma as a gut wrenching, unbearable body mind sensation experience that is unrelenting. Trauma feels ongoing and unending. It is very difficult for those who have not experienced psychological trauma to understand and appreciate its ever-present quality.
Quotes from my book Recovering and Healing After the Narcissist:
"Everyone is entitled to rest, solitude and reverie...Whatever happened to down time? Some of the most creative and productive human beings spend segments of their days in a quiet, calm, unstructured environment. One of the best venues for down time is being with Nature..."
We are human animals. Watching animals we recognize how often they rest. They spent much of their time resting throughout the day. Resting helps us in the sleep process. In resting we practice letting down, allowing ourselves to just be, without demands, criticisms, instructions, judgments.
Spend time with Nature - It is so restorative to you.
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The person of hubris and greed is incapable of having an authentic loving relationship with another individual.
High level narcissists are obsessive climbers, forging upward socially and economically, willing to betray, lie in any fashion to keep others from reaching the summits of their delusional manic ambitions.
Being a high climber reinforces their feelings of superiority and excessive self-entitlement. They have risen above all the rest - superior beings! Hubris runs rampant within them.
To fill the unbearable emptiness of their true self, high level narcissists wander through their days in delusion and denial using defense mechanisms that protect them from the true reality of ever knowing themselves or forming an authentic deep loveing relationship.
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At times the earth feels unsteady beneath our psychological feet. We experience uncertainties, even fears and trepidations that haunt us in wakefulness and sleep.
In seasons of confusion and uncertainty it is particularly helpful to view ourselves with both objectivity and compassion. These are some of the steps that yu can take to bring emotional and psychophysiological balance to your days.
Do movement and exercise that boosts your immune system, raises your mood, lowers your anxiety and helps you sleep.
Perform simple yoga poses like child's pose that gently stretches your muscles, calms your nervous system and puts you in the restorative parasympathetic mode.
Activate your vagus nerve through diaphragmatic breathing.
Listen to your dreams. They are revealing invaluable messages. When you awaken from a dream, take a few minutes to digest before you get up. Remember, dreams are a connection between your conscious and unconscious mind.
The high level narcissist is a gifted conjurer - creating a series of false selves that are believable to those who become involved with him/her. Like a great method actor is a schemer.
The high level narcissist develops a series of false selves that are charming, charismatic, engaging, designed to attract others to him and from whom he acquires narcissistic supplies that inflate his/her ego.
The high level narcissist fools most people - that's how clever and cunning they are.
At some point you awaken to the true nature of the high level narcissist. Realize that you were participating in a false disingenuous non relationship.
You are no longer on the receiving end of the high level's clever disguises and ruthless psychological machinations.
You are taking a stand for your original creative self. You listen closely to the wisdom inside, the core of truth that defines your identity.
Denial is a powerful defense mechanism that the high level narcissist uses to create his/her reality. Cruel, cunning, plotting, scheming, the high level believes that he is a person of fine character.
The high level narcissist denies the truth about his/her true nature. When the narcissist falters in his personal and professional obligations, he adroitly blames others, especially those close to him for negative outcomes.
The high level is never wrong. His false self is giddy, riding on the irrational waves of denial.
The high level narcissist's delusional sense of self is created out of an over the top inflated ego.
Obsessed with creating and maintaining a perfect image, the high level narcissist pursues the perfection of the external self: personal appearance, extravagant lifestyles, luxurious homes.
Pompous, grandiose, the high level narcissist is convinced that he is intrinsically superior to others and therefore entitled to control them. Those who don't meet his outrageous demands and standards of value are treated with scorn and disdain.
You are the opposite of the high level narcissist. You seek the evolution of the original self with indispensable qualities:
independence of thinking, taking initiative, recognizing one's mistakes, learning the lessons and moving forward along your own pathways of evolution, exploration and enjoyment of your unique creative gifts, intuitive insights, wisdom of the body/mind, development of the spiritual self as you define this.
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