Family Features Podcast: Recent Episodes
Dr. Corey Gilbert
A podcast hosted by Dr. Corey Gilbert Featuring ”issues” important to building healthy marriages and families. Dr. Gilbert uses his own kids to model hard conversations. He Interviews real people that overcame! Fight For, Protect, and Preserve MARRIAGE! It is worth fighting for. May this encourage and empower couples to build (and rebuild) a strong, HEALTHY Marriage! It is possible. It is worth the investment.
Episode 336 - Your Family & Technology - Social Media & Smartphones - OCEAN Conference Workshop 0624
YouTube video Link: https://youtu.be/ug7ZJ4GnrjY?si=xUXBT21LkPZPvvK4
Episode 335 - Understanding the Trans Reailty Today - for Pastors 0424
YouTube Video Link: https://youtu.be/QyFy1LejQdc?si=9cMPWOOVEP-Bbe5Z
Episode 334 - Age Appropriate Conversations - for Pastors 0424
Youtube video link: https://youtu.be/p9BqVL-Q2Pw?si=xSlMtO6XSA49V3rR
Episode 333 - Dating & Marrying Well - with Dr Gilbert - Corban Chapel 1123
Youtube link: https://youtu.be/ifFhBfj0iVc
Episode 332 - A Conversation with Tanya Gioia on Addictions, Recovery, Family, and Steps Forward
Youtube Video Link : https://youtu.be/iKaLGgy_8FI
https://www.tanyagioia.com/
Biography
Tanya knows that for every addict, 5 people are impacted. Working with women heals a generation. She’s been through all the challenges you’re familiar with: • Striving for a career to make her whole • Chasing a man to fulfill her • Jumping unhealed into a second marriage • Managing new babies and addicted husband as well as her own codependency • Running her own business thinking enough money would “save” her. Finally, Tanya decided she deserved more in her life – from her life. She set out to learn everything, AA, Alanon, Celebrate Recovery, Deep Therapy (EMDR) and decided to help heal others who share similar challenges by getting her professional coaching certification. Tanya works with women who want to finally heal their marriage and family whilst supporting their husbands through recovery from addiction. She uses her unique Dancing with Joy process to help them become the woman her husband cherishes and the mother that places God and love first to create a truly connected loving, and supportive family.
GO TO:
https://joyous-ingredients-llc.ck.page/c85be58982
Free gift for your listeners. Start thinking about family and addiction recovery differently. The family is the expert on the addict. How can they take that knowledge and make a shift. A shift that will change the legacy of the family for generations. This simple 1 hr course will walk you through the first steps in the process with video and a colorful guide for reflections and takeaways.
Episode 331 - A Conversation with Derek and Amy Weichel on "Faithful Parenting" - Creating a Plan
Youtube Video Link: https://youtu.be/N_xNpz2FobM
https://www.faithfulparent.org/store
Biography
Derek and Amy Weichel are a husband and wife team who are happily living with their family in Nebraska where Derek works as an orthopaedic surgeon and Amy homeschools their 4 children. In their free time, Derek and Amy, along with their children, enjoy traveling. Both Derek and Amy are lifelong learners who enjoy reading and learning individually and together as a couple. They founded Faithful Parent, a ministry that is dedicated to providing help to parents with free guides, blog posts, courses and additional information about intentional Christian Parenting. They have created their own intentional parenting plan that has transformed how they raise their children in all aspects, especially in their intentional teaching of God’s word in the home.
GO TO:
https://www.faithfulparent.org/academy
Our online course called Faithful Parent Academy is a simple way to focus the direction of your Christian family and implement a well-thought-out individualized parenting plan in just eight simple steps.
Episode 330 - A Conversation with Author & Composer Tina Davidson on Story & Music
Link to Video on YouTube: https://youtu.be/nlMBE4qktvc
About Tinahttps://www.tinadavidson.com/ I am a classical composer and writer, now for 45 years. I am articulate about my unique life (traveling in many countries, meeting Ernest Hemingway as a child) and the traumas I experienced as a child - being adopted by my birth mother, but not told about my true identity.
I share my story (in my memoir) of years of depression and dissociation, until I started working to reclaim myself through therapy and spiritual practice. All the while, I am a single parent, composing and creating works with major ensembles and orchestras, such as The Philadelphia Orchestra, American Composers Orchestra, St. Paul Chamber Orchestra, Kronos Quartet, Cassatt Quartet, as well as have recordings with Albany Music and on Deutsche Grammophon (performed by Grammy winner violinist, Hilary Hahn).Order NOW:
https://www.amazon.com/Let-Your-Heart-Broken-Classical/dp/1633376974 Tina Davidson is three-and-a-half when she is adopted from her foster home in Sweden by a visiting American professor. Soon she is the oldest of five children, living with her mother and stepfather in Turkey, Germany, and Israel. She studies music and becomes a prolific pianist and composer. But something about her birth remains unnamed and hidden. When she returns to Sweden, she contacts the Swedish adoption agency. "Come," says the voice on the phone, "I have information for you."https://www.tinadavidson.com/
Episode 329 - A Conversation with Paul Zolman on His book "Role of Love"
Youtube video of interview link:
https://youtu.be/7KmjJ5CcfZc?si=jytzJWWkzUsPxcH_
About PaulPaul Zolman has created a new way to demonstrate the principles of the love languages. It's a profound way to learn all five love languages to give them away. By giving them away, your vision will improve to the point that you can see them coming your way and respond appropriately. The system is so easy that even young children can be trained in this love giving system. Spoiler alert: it's a game where everyone wins. Order Now:https://roleoflove.com/ This call to action link will tell a bit of the back story; allow the listeners to hear other podcasts and social media postings; videos and comments. Purchases can also be made of the products produced exclusively for Role of Love.
Episode 328 - A Conversation with Charity Parenzin on Human Trafficking, How to Protect & Save Our Children & the Struggles our Kids and Teens Face Today
YouTube Video Link: https://youtu.be/S35l6fmCm7k
ABOUT:
The creator of The America Unchained Project, Charity Parenzini has spent almost a decade creating education media to protect kids. Educating parents, teachers, law enforcement, and medical professionals on identifying traumatized and troubled youth is key to helping kids (something Charity does with excellence). However, PREVENTING trauma by knowing how to guard kids against predators and sexual groomers is the best way to win the war of sex trafficking and sexual abuse.
In addition, Charity is the creator of the podcast "Strong, Christian, Female" where she educates and reminds fellow followers of Jesus what it means to be a biblical Christian in modern culture.
What You Can Do:
This is the link to the America Unchained Project which educates parents and professionals on identifying human trafficking victims, grooming behaviors, and what to do about it.www.americaunchained.com ________________________________A gift from Charity:Hello there. Here is the class link to the class page and the code they can use (HEALINGLIVES). Class Link: https://www.americaunchained.org/learn ________________________________ More ABOUT:A professional media producer and writer, Charity Parenzini started a "simple side project" to help professionals understand and identify human trafficking on the job. Almost a decade later, she has expanded her "simple project" - The America Unchained Project - to national and international education opportunities and a wide base of professionals, community leaders, and parents.
Focusing on how parents can safeguard their kids from online grooming, sexual exploitation, and human trafficking, Charity seeks to wake people up to the realities of our culture. A culture which gives children adult-level privacy and allowances to kids, creating a gauntlet for children to navigate on their way to adulthood. In the wake, we now have a generation of kids who deal first-hand with mental disorders, a fascination with self-harm, anxiety, depression, and even suicide.
Charity aims to wake people up and empower them with tools to help protect our kids.
Episode 327 - Parents - 'Lost in Trans Nation' Warnings
Video link: https://youtu.be/iGxM7SV9LbI
A session delivered to parents at a local Christian school in Oregon.
Find out more at www.youtube.com/c/drcoreygilbert
www.drcoreygilbert.com
Episode 326 - Parents - Age Appropriate Conversations - Birth to Teen - Going Beyond 'The Talk'
Part 2 of 3
Video link: https://youtu.be/_1OwvhQPaFw
A session delivered to parents at a local Christian school in Oregon.
Find out more at www.youtube.com/c/drcoreygilbert
www.drcoreygilbert.com
Episode 325 - What is Impacting Our Kids Failure to Launch
Video link : https://youtu.be/egsQ_fPHYNI
A session delivered to parents at a local Christian school in Oregon.
Find out more at www.youtube.com/c/drcoreygilbert
www.drcoreygilbert.com
Episode 324 - Part 15 of 15 "Lost in Trans Nation" - Conclusion - So Important for Parents and Professionals
Order Dr. Miriam Grossman's Book on Amazon Here: https://amzn.to/3KYhTwi
Throughout our country, atrocities are taking place in doctor’s offices and hospital operating rooms. Physically healthy children and adolescents are being permanently disfigured and sometimes sterilized. Those youth say they’re transgender, and we—their parents, teachers, therapists, and doctors—are supposed to agree with their self-diagnosis and take a back seat as they make the most consequential decision of their lives: to alter their bodies in order to, we are told, “align” them with their minds.
Medical, educational, and government authorities advise us to support the “gender journeys” of still developing kids, including medical interventions with poor evidence of long-term improvement.
This would not be acceptable in any other field of medicine. Indeed, the treatments our medical authorities and Washington call “crucial” and “life-saving” have been banned in progressive Sweden, Finland, and Britain.
Dr. Miriam Grossman is a child and adolescent psychiatrist whose practice consists of trans-identified youth and their families. In Lost in Trans Nation, she implores parents to reject the advice of gender experts and politicians and trust their guts—their parental instincts—in the face of an onslaught of ideologically driven misinformation that steers them and their children toward risky decisions they may end up mourning for the rest of their lives.
The beliefs that male and female are human inventions; that the sex of a newborn is arbitrarily “assigned”; and that as a result the child requires “affirmation” through medical interventions—these ideas are divorced from reality and therefore hazardous, especially to children. The core belief—that biology can and should be denied—is a repudiation of reality and a mockery of what hard science teaches about being male and female.
Dr. Grossman believes that parents know their child best; they especially know if they have a son or daughter. But currently in our country when it comes to gender identity, everyone knows better than mom and dad. Schools enable students to live double lives—Patrick at home, Patti at school. Activists tell kids their loving homes are “unsafe” when parents voice doubts about the child’s new identity. For refusing to see their son as their daughter, parents might be reported to protective services, a development that can lead to a family’s destruction.
Lost in Trans Nation arms parents with the ammunition to avoid, or, if necessary, fight what many families describe as the most difficult challenge of their lives. Parents will learn what to say and how—at home, at school, and if necessary, to police when they appear at the door.
“Don’t be blindsided like so many parents I know,” warns Grossman, “be proactive and get educated. Feel prepared and confident to discuss trans, nonbinary, or whatever your child brings to the dinner table.” Whether it’s the “trans is as common as red hair” claim, or the “I’m not your son, I’m your daughter” proclamation, or the “do you prefer a live son or a dead daughter’ threat, says Grossman, no family is immune, and every parent must be prepared.
No child is born in the wrong body, Dr. Grossman reassures us, their bodies are just fine; it’s their emotional lives that need healing. Whether you’re facing a gender identity battle in your home right now, or want to prevent one, you need this book to guide you and your loved ones out of the madness.
Episode 323 - Part 14 of 15 "Lost in Trans Nation" - Ch 13 - Lasagna Surprise - So Important for Parents and Professionals
Order Dr. Miriam Grossman's Book on Amazon Here: https://amzn.to/3KYhTwi
Throughout our country, atrocities are taking place in doctor’s offices and hospital operating rooms. Physically healthy children and adolescents are being permanently disfigured and sometimes sterilized. Those youth say they’re transgender, and we—their parents, teachers, therapists, and doctors—are supposed to agree with their self-diagnosis and take a back seat as they make the most consequential decision of their lives: to alter their bodies in order to, we are told, “align” them with their minds.
Medical, educational, and government authorities advise us to support the “gender journeys” of still developing kids, including medical interventions with poor evidence of long-term improvement.
This would not be acceptable in any other field of medicine. Indeed, the treatments our medical authorities and Washington call “crucial” and “life-saving” have been banned in progressive Sweden, Finland, and Britain.
Dr. Miriam Grossman is a child and adolescent psychiatrist whose practice consists of trans-identified youth and their families. In Lost in Trans Nation, she implores parents to reject the advice of gender experts and politicians and trust their guts—their parental instincts—in the face of an onslaught of ideologically driven misinformation that steers them and their children toward risky decisions they may end up mourning for the rest of their lives.
The beliefs that male and female are human inventions; that the sex of a newborn is arbitrarily “assigned”; and that as a result the child requires “affirmation” through medical interventions—these ideas are divorced from reality and therefore hazardous, especially to children. The core belief—that biology can and should be denied—is a repudiation of reality and a mockery of what hard science teaches about being male and female.
Dr. Grossman believes that parents know their child best; they especially know if they have a son or daughter. But currently in our country when it comes to gender identity, everyone knows better than mom and dad. Schools enable students to live double lives—Patrick at home, Patti at school. Activists tell kids their loving homes are “unsafe” when parents voice doubts about the child’s new identity. For refusing to see their son as their daughter, parents might be reported to protective services, a development that can lead to a family’s destruction.
Lost in Trans Nation arms parents with the ammunition to avoid, or, if necessary, fight what many families describe as the most difficult challenge of their lives. Parents will learn what to say and how—at home, at school, and if necessary, to police when they appear at the door.
“Don’t be blindsided like so many parents I know,” warns Grossman, “be proactive and get educated. Feel prepared and confident to discuss trans, nonbinary, or whatever your child brings to the dinner table.” Whether it’s the “trans is as common as red hair” claim, or the “I’m not your son, I’m your daughter” proclamation, or the “do you prefer a live son or a dead daughter’ threat, says Grossman, no family is immune, and every parent must be prepared.
No child is born in the wrong body, Dr. Grossman reassures us, their bodies are just fine; it’s their emotional lives that need healing. Whether you’re facing a gender identity battle in your home right now, or want to prevent one, you need this book to guide you and your loved ones out of the madness.
Episode 322 - Part 13 of 15 "Lost in Trans Nation" - Ch 12 - Surgeons's Dangerous Ideas - So Important for Parents and Professionals
Order Dr. Miriam Grossman's Book on Amazon Here: https://amzn.to/3KYhTwi
Throughout our country, atrocities are taking place in doctor’s offices and hospital operating rooms. Physically healthy children and adolescents are being permanently disfigured and sometimes sterilized. Those youth say they’re transgender, and we—their parents, teachers, therapists, and doctors—are supposed to agree with their self-diagnosis and take a back seat as they make the most consequential decision of their lives: to alter their bodies in order to, we are told, “align” them with their minds.
Medical, educational, and government authorities advise us to support the “gender journeys” of still developing kids, including medical interventions with poor evidence of long-term improvement.
This would not be acceptable in any other field of medicine. Indeed, the treatments our medical authorities and Washington call “crucial” and “life-saving” have been banned in progressive Sweden, Finland, and Britain.
Dr. Miriam Grossman is a child and adolescent psychiatrist whose practice consists of trans-identified youth and their families. In Lost in Trans Nation, she implores parents to reject the advice of gender experts and politicians and trust their guts—their parental instincts—in the face of an onslaught of ideologically driven misinformation that steers them and their children toward risky decisions they may end up mourning for the rest of their lives.
The beliefs that male and female are human inventions; that the sex of a newborn is arbitrarily “assigned”; and that as a result the child requires “affirmation” through medical interventions—these ideas are divorced from reality and therefore hazardous, especially to children. The core belief—that biology can and should be denied—is a repudiation of reality and a mockery of what hard science teaches about being male and female.
Dr. Grossman believes that parents know their child best; they especially know if they have a son or daughter. But currently in our country when it comes to gender identity, everyone knows better than mom and dad. Schools enable students to live double lives—Patrick at home, Patti at school. Activists tell kids their loving homes are “unsafe” when parents voice doubts about the child’s new identity. For refusing to see their son as their daughter, parents might be reported to protective services, a development that can lead to a family’s destruction.
Lost in Trans Nation arms parents with the ammunition to avoid, or, if necessary, fight what many families describe as the most difficult challenge of their lives. Parents will learn what to say and how—at home, at school, and if necessary, to police when they appear at the door.
“Don’t be blindsided like so many parents I know,” warns Grossman, “be proactive and get educated. Feel prepared and confident to discuss trans, nonbinary, or whatever your child brings to the dinner table.” Whether it’s the “trans is as common as red hair” claim, or the “I’m not your son, I’m your daughter” proclamation, or the “do you prefer a live son or a dead daughter’ threat, says Grossman, no family is immune, and every parent must be prepared.
No child is born in the wrong body, Dr. Grossman reassures us, their bodies are just fine; it’s their emotional lives that need healing. Whether you’re facing a gender identity battle in your home right now, or want to prevent one, you need this book to guide you and your loved ones out of the madness.
Episode 321 - Part 12 of 15 "Lost in Trans Nation" - Ch 11 - Euphemisms - So Important for Parents and Professionals
Order Dr. Miriam Grossman's Book on Amazon Here: https://amzn.to/3KYhTwi
Throughout our country, atrocities are taking place in doctor’s offices and hospital operating rooms. Physically healthy children and adolescents are being permanently disfigured and sometimes sterilized. Those youth say they’re transgender, and we—their parents, teachers, therapists, and doctors—are supposed to agree with their self-diagnosis and take a back seat as they make the most consequential decision of their lives: to alter their bodies in order to, we are told, “align” them with their minds.
Medical, educational, and government authorities advise us to support the “gender journeys” of still developing kids, including medical interventions with poor evidence of long-term improvement.
This would not be acceptable in any other field of medicine. Indeed, the treatments our medical authorities and Washington call “crucial” and “life-saving” have been banned in progressive Sweden, Finland, and Britain.
Dr. Miriam Grossman is a child and adolescent psychiatrist whose practice consists of trans-identified youth and their families. In Lost in Trans Nation, she implores parents to reject the advice of gender experts and politicians and trust their guts—their parental instincts—in the face of an onslaught of ideologically driven misinformation that steers them and their children toward risky decisions they may end up mourning for the rest of their lives.
The beliefs that male and female are human inventions; that the sex of a newborn is arbitrarily “assigned”; and that as a result the child requires “affirmation” through medical interventions—these ideas are divorced from reality and therefore hazardous, especially to children. The core belief—that biology can and should be denied—is a repudiation of reality and a mockery of what hard science teaches about being male and female.
Dr. Grossman believes that parents know their child best; they especially know if they have a son or daughter. But currently in our country when it comes to gender identity, everyone knows better than mom and dad. Schools enable students to live double lives—Patrick at home, Patti at school. Activists tell kids their loving homes are “unsafe” when parents voice doubts about the child’s new identity. For refusing to see their son as their daughter, parents might be reported to protective services, a development that can lead to a family’s destruction.
Lost in Trans Nation arms parents with the ammunition to avoid, or, if necessary, fight what many families describe as the most difficult challenge of their lives. Parents will learn what to say and how—at home, at school, and if necessary, to police when they appear at the door.
“Don’t be blindsided like so many parents I know,” warns Grossman, “be proactive and get educated. Feel prepared and confident to discuss trans, nonbinary, or whatever your child brings to the dinner table.” Whether it’s the “trans is as common as red hair” claim, or the “I’m not your son, I’m your daughter” proclamation, or the “do you prefer a live son or a dead daughter’ threat, says Grossman, no family is immune, and every parent must be prepared.
No child is born in the wrong body, Dr. Grossman reassures us, their bodies are just fine; it’s their emotional lives that need healing. Whether you’re facing a gender identity battle in your home right now, or want to prevent one, you need this book to guide you and your loved ones out of the madness.
Episode 320 - Part 11 of 15 "Lost in Trans Nation" - Ch 10 - Mourning the Living - So Important for Parents and Professionals
Order Dr. Miriam Grossman's Book on Amazon Here: https://amzn.to/3KYhTwi
Throughout our country, atrocities are taking place in doctor’s offices and hospital operating rooms. Physically healthy children and adolescents are being permanently disfigured and sometimes sterilized. Those youth say they’re transgender, and we—their parents, teachers, therapists, and doctors—are supposed to agree with their self-diagnosis and take a back seat as they make the most consequential decision of their lives: to alter their bodies in order to, we are told, “align” them with their minds.
Medical, educational, and government authorities advise us to support the “gender journeys” of still developing kids, including medical interventions with poor evidence of long-term improvement.
This would not be acceptable in any other field of medicine. Indeed, the treatments our medical authorities and Washington call “crucial” and “life-saving” have been banned in progressive Sweden, Finland, and Britain.
Dr. Miriam Grossman is a child and adolescent psychiatrist whose practice consists of trans-identified youth and their families. In Lost in Trans Nation, she implores parents to reject the advice of gender experts and politicians and trust their guts—their parental instincts—in the face of an onslaught of ideologically driven misinformation that steers them and their children toward risky decisions they may end up mourning for the rest of their lives.
The beliefs that male and female are human inventions; that the sex of a newborn is arbitrarily “assigned”; and that as a result the child requires “affirmation” through medical interventions—these ideas are divorced from reality and therefore hazardous, especially to children. The core belief—that biology can and should be denied—is a repudiation of reality and a mockery of what hard science teaches about being male and female.
Dr. Grossman believes that parents know their child best; they especially know if they have a son or daughter. But currently in our country when it comes to gender identity, everyone knows better than mom and dad. Schools enable students to live double lives—Patrick at home, Patti at school. Activists tell kids their loving homes are “unsafe” when parents voice doubts about the child’s new identity. For refusing to see their son as their daughter, parents might be reported to protective services, a development that can lead to a family’s destruction.
Lost in Trans Nation arms parents with the ammunition to avoid, or, if necessary, fight what many families describe as the most difficult challenge of their lives. Parents will learn what to say and how—at home, at school, and if necessary, to police when they appear at the door.
“Don’t be blindsided like so many parents I know,” warns Grossman, “be proactive and get educated. Feel prepared and confident to discuss trans, nonbinary, or whatever your child brings to the dinner table.” Whether it’s the “trans is as common as red hair” claim, or the “I’m not your son, I’m your daughter” proclamation, or the “do you prefer a live son or a dead daughter’ threat, says Grossman, no family is immune, and every parent must be prepared.
No child is born in the wrong body, Dr. Grossman reassures us, their bodies are just fine; it’s their emotional lives that need healing. Whether you’re facing a gender identity battle in your home right now, or want to prevent one, you need this book to guide you and your loved ones out of the madness.
Episode 319 - Part 10 of 15 "Lost in Trans Nation" - Ch 9 - Lawyer’s Dangerous Idea - So Important for Parents and Professionals
Order Dr. Miriam Grossman's Book on Amazon Here: https://amzn.to/3KYhTwi
Throughout our country, atrocities are taking place in doctor’s offices and hospital operating rooms. Physically healthy children and adolescents are being permanently disfigured and sometimes sterilized. Those youth say they’re transgender, and we—their parents, teachers, therapists, and doctors—are supposed to agree with their self-diagnosis and take a back seat as they make the most consequential decision of their lives: to alter their bodies in order to, we are told, “align” them with their minds.
Medical, educational, and government authorities advise us to support the “gender journeys” of still developing kids, including medical interventions with poor evidence of long-term improvement.
This would not be acceptable in any other field of medicine. Indeed, the treatments our medical authorities and Washington call “crucial” and “life-saving” have been banned in progressive Sweden, Finland, and Britain.
Dr. Miriam Grossman is a child and adolescent psychiatrist whose practice consists of trans-identified youth and their families. In Lost in Trans Nation, she implores parents to reject the advice of gender experts and politicians and trust their guts—their parental instincts—in the face of an onslaught of ideologically driven misinformation that steers them and their children toward risky decisions they may end up mourning for the rest of their lives.
The beliefs that male and female are human inventions; that the sex of a newborn is arbitrarily “assigned”; and that as a result the child requires “affirmation” through medical interventions—these ideas are divorced from reality and therefore hazardous, especially to children. The core belief—that biology can and should be denied—is a repudiation of reality and a mockery of what hard science teaches about being male and female.
Dr. Grossman believes that parents know their child best; they especially know if they have a son or daughter. But currently in our country when it comes to gender identity, everyone knows better than mom and dad. Schools enable students to live double lives—Patrick at home, Patti at school. Activists tell kids their loving homes are “unsafe” when parents voice doubts about the child’s new identity. For refusing to see their son as their daughter, parents might be reported to protective services, a development that can lead to a family’s destruction.
Lost in Trans Nation arms parents with the ammunition to avoid, or, if necessary, fight what many families describe as the most difficult challenge of their lives. Parents will learn what to say and how—at home, at school, and if necessary, to police when they appear at the door.
“Don’t be blindsided like so many parents I know,” warns Grossman, “be proactive and get educated. Feel prepared and confident to discuss trans, nonbinary, or whatever your child brings to the dinner table.” Whether it’s the “trans is as common as red hair” claim, or the “I’m not your son, I’m your daughter” proclamation, or the “do you prefer a live son or a dead daughter’ threat, says Grossman, no family is immune, and every parent must be prepared.
No child is born in the wrong body, Dr. Grossman reassures us, their bodies are just fine; it’s their emotional lives that need healing. Whether you’re facing a gender identity battle in your home right now, or want to prevent one, you need this book to guide you and your loved ones out of the madness.
Episode 318 - Part 9 of 15 "Lost in Trans Nation" - Ch 8 - Educator’s Dangerous Idea - So Important for Parents and Professionals
Order Dr. Miriam Grossman's Book on Amazon Here: https://amzn.to/3KYhTwi
Throughout our country, atrocities are taking place in doctor’s offices and hospital operating rooms. Physically healthy children and adolescents are being permanently disfigured and sometimes sterilized. Those youth say they’re transgender, and we—their parents, teachers, therapists, and doctors—are supposed to agree with their self-diagnosis and take a back seat as they make the most consequential decision of their lives: to alter their bodies in order to, we are told, “align” them with their minds.
Medical, educational, and government authorities advise us to support the “gender journeys” of still developing kids, including medical interventions with poor evidence of long-term improvement.
This would not be acceptable in any other field of medicine. Indeed, the treatments our medical authorities and Washington call “crucial” and “life-saving” have been banned in progressive Sweden, Finland, and Britain.
Dr. Miriam Grossman is a child and adolescent psychiatrist whose practice consists of trans-identified youth and their families. In Lost in Trans Nation, she implores parents to reject the advice of gender experts and politicians and trust their guts—their parental instincts—in the face of an onslaught of ideologically driven misinformation that steers them and their children toward risky decisions they may end up mourning for the rest of their lives.
The beliefs that male and female are human inventions; that the sex of a newborn is arbitrarily “assigned”; and that as a result the child requires “affirmation” through medical interventions—these ideas are divorced from reality and therefore hazardous, especially to children. The core belief—that biology can and should be denied—is a repudiation of reality and a mockery of what hard science teaches about being male and female.
Dr. Grossman believes that parents know their child best; they especially know if they have a son or daughter. But currently in our country when it comes to gender identity, everyone knows better than mom and dad. Schools enable students to live double lives—Patrick at home, Patti at school. Activists tell kids their loving homes are “unsafe” when parents voice doubts about the child’s new identity. For refusing to see their son as their daughter, parents might be reported to protective services, a development that can lead to a family’s destruction.
Lost in Trans Nation arms parents with the ammunition to avoid, or, if necessary, fight what many families describe as the most difficult challenge of their lives. Parents will learn what to say and how—at home, at school, and if necessary, to police when they appear at the door.
“Don’t be blindsided like so many parents I know,” warns Grossman, “be proactive and get educated. Feel prepared and confident to discuss trans, nonbinary, or whatever your child brings to the dinner table.” Whether it’s the “trans is as common as red hair” claim, or the “I’m not your son, I’m your daughter” proclamation, or the “do you prefer a live son or a dead daughter’ threat, says Grossman, no family is immune, and every parent must be prepared.
No child is born in the wrong body, Dr. Grossman reassures us, their bodies are just fine; it’s their emotional lives that need healing. Whether you’re facing a gender identity battle in your home right now, or want to prevent one, you need this book to guide you and your loved ones out of the madness.
Episode 317 - Part 8 of 15 "Lost in Trans Nation" - Ch 7 - Emma or Oliver? - So Important for Parents and Professionals
Order Dr. Miriam Grossman's Book on Amazon Here: https://amzn.to/3KYhTwi
Throughout our country, atrocities are taking place in doctor’s offices and hospital operating rooms. Physically healthy children and adolescents are being permanently disfigured and sometimes sterilized. Those youth say they’re transgender, and we—their parents, teachers, therapists, and doctors—are supposed to agree with their self-diagnosis and take a back seat as they make the most consequential decision of their lives: to alter their bodies in order to, we are told, “align” them with their minds.
Medical, educational, and government authorities advise us to support the “gender journeys” of still developing kids, including medical interventions with poor evidence of long-term improvement.
This would not be acceptable in any other field of medicine. Indeed, the treatments our medical authorities and Washington call “crucial” and “life-saving” have been banned in progressive Sweden, Finland, and Britain.
Dr. Miriam Grossman is a child and adolescent psychiatrist whose practice consists of trans-identified youth and their families. In Lost in Trans Nation, she implores parents to reject the advice of gender experts and politicians and trust their guts—their parental instincts—in the face of an onslaught of ideologically driven misinformation that steers them and their children toward risky decisions they may end up mourning for the rest of their lives.
The beliefs that male and female are human inventions; that the sex of a newborn is arbitrarily “assigned”; and that as a result the child requires “affirmation” through medical interventions—these ideas are divorced from reality and therefore hazardous, especially to children. The core belief—that biology can and should be denied—is a repudiation of reality and a mockery of what hard science teaches about being male and female.
Dr. Grossman believes that parents know their child best; they especially know if they have a son or daughter. But currently in our country when it comes to gender identity, everyone knows better than mom and dad. Schools enable students to live double lives—Patrick at home, Patti at school. Activists tell kids their loving homes are “unsafe” when parents voice doubts about the child’s new identity. For refusing to see their son as their daughter, parents might be reported to protective services, a development that can lead to a family’s destruction.
Lost in Trans Nation arms parents with the ammunition to avoid, or, if necessary, fight what many families describe as the most difficult challenge of their lives. Parents will learn what to say and how—at home, at school, and if necessary, to police when they appear at the door.
“Don’t be blindsided like so many parents I know,” warns Grossman, “be proactive and get educated. Feel prepared and confident to discuss trans, nonbinary, or whatever your child brings to the dinner table.” Whether it’s the “trans is as common as red hair” claim, or the “I’m not your son, I’m your daughter” proclamation, or the “do you prefer a live son or a dead daughter’ threat, says Grossman, no family is immune, and every parent must be prepared.
No child is born in the wrong body, Dr. Grossman reassures us, their bodies are just fine; it’s their emotional lives that need healing. Whether you’re facing a gender identity battle in your home right now, or want to prevent one, you need this book to guide you and your loved ones out of the madness.
Episode 316 - Part 7 of15 " Lost in Trans Nation" - Ch 6 - A Dangerous Dutch Idea - So Important for Parents and Professionals
Order Dr. Miriam Grossman's Book on Amazon Here: https://amzn.to/3KYhTwi
Throughout our country, atrocities are taking place in doctor’s offices and hospital operating rooms. Physically healthy children and adolescents are being permanently disfigured and sometimes sterilized. Those youth say they’re transgender, and we—their parents, teachers, therapists, and doctors—are supposed to agree with their self-diagnosis and take a back seat as they make the most consequential decision of their lives: to alter their bodies in order to, we are told, “align” them with their minds.
Medical, educational, and government authorities advise us to support the “gender journeys” of still developing kids, including medical interventions with poor evidence of long-term improvement.
This would not be acceptable in any other field of medicine. Indeed, the treatments our medical authorities and Washington call “crucial” and “life-saving” have been banned in progressive Sweden, Finland, and Britain.
Dr. Miriam Grossman is a child and adolescent psychiatrist whose practice consists of trans-identified youth and their families. In Lost in Trans Nation, she implores parents to reject the advice of gender experts and politicians and trust their guts—their parental instincts—in the face of an onslaught of ideologically driven misinformation that steers them and their children toward risky decisions they may end up mourning for the rest of their lives.
The beliefs that male and female are human inventions; that the sex of a newborn is arbitrarily “assigned”; and that as a result the child requires “affirmation” through medical interventions—these ideas are divorced from reality and therefore hazardous, especially to children. The core belief—that biology can and should be denied—is a repudiation of reality and a mockery of what hard science teaches about being male and female.
Dr. Grossman believes that parents know their child best; they especially know if they have a son or daughter. But currently in our country when it comes to gender identity, everyone knows better than mom and dad. Schools enable students to live double lives—Patrick at home, Patti at school. Activists tell kids their loving homes are “unsafe” when parents voice doubts about the child’s new identity. For refusing to see their son as their daughter, parents might be reported to protective services, a development that can lead to a family’s destruction.
Lost in Trans Nation arms parents with the ammunition to avoid, or, if necessary, fight what many families describe as the most difficult challenge of their lives. Parents will learn what to say and how—at home, at school, and if necessary, to police when they appear at the door.
“Don’t be blindsided like so many parents I know,” warns Grossman, “be proactive and get educated. Feel prepared and confident to discuss trans, nonbinary, or whatever your child brings to the dinner table.” Whether it’s the “trans is as common as red hair” claim, or the “I’m not your son, I’m your daughter” proclamation, or the “do you prefer a live son or a dead daughter’ threat, says Grossman, no family is immune, and every parent must be prepared.
No child is born in the wrong body, Dr. Grossman reassures us, their bodies are just fine; it’s their emotional lives that need healing. Whether you’re facing a gender identity battle in your home right now, or want to prevent one, you need this book to guide you and your loved ones out of the madness.
Episode 315 - Part 6 of 15 "Lost in Trans Nation" - Ch 5 - The Whistleblower - So Important for Parents and Professionals
Order Dr. Miriam Grossman's Book on Amazon Here: https://amzn.to/3KYhTwi
Throughout our country, atrocities are taking place in doctor’s offices and hospital operating rooms. Physically healthy children and adolescents are being permanently disfigured and sometimes sterilized. Those youth say they’re transgender, and we—their parents, teachers, therapists, and doctors—are supposed to agree with their self-diagnosis and take a back seat as they make the most consequential decision of their lives: to alter their bodies in order to, we are told, “align” them with their minds.
Medical, educational, and government authorities advise us to support the “gender journeys” of still developing kids, including medical interventions with poor evidence of long-term improvement.
This would not be acceptable in any other field of medicine. Indeed, the treatments our medical authorities and Washington call “crucial” and “life-saving” have been banned in progressive Sweden, Finland, and Britain.
Dr. Miriam Grossman is a child and adolescent psychiatrist whose practice consists of trans-identified youth and their families. In Lost in Trans Nation, she implores parents to reject the advice of gender experts and politicians and trust their guts—their parental instincts—in the face of an onslaught of ideologically driven misinformation that steers them and their children toward risky decisions they may end up mourning for the rest of their lives.
The beliefs that male and female are human inventions; that the sex of a newborn is arbitrarily “assigned”; and that as a result the child requires “affirmation” through medical interventions—these ideas are divorced from reality and therefore hazardous, especially to children. The core belief—that biology can and should be denied—is a repudiation of reality and a mockery of what hard science teaches about being male and female.
Dr. Grossman believes that parents know their child best; they especially know if they have a son or daughter. But currently in our country when it comes to gender identity, everyone knows better than mom and dad. Schools enable students to live double lives—Patrick at home, Patti at school. Activists tell kids their loving homes are “unsafe” when parents voice doubts about the child’s new identity. For refusing to see their son as their daughter, parents might be reported to protective services, a development that can lead to a family’s destruction.
Lost in Trans Nation arms parents with the ammunition to avoid, or, if necessary, fight what many families describe as the most difficult challenge of their lives. Parents will learn what to say and how—at home, at school, and if necessary, to police when they appear at the door.
“Don’t be blindsided like so many parents I know,” warns Grossman, “be proactive and get educated. Feel prepared and confident to discuss trans, nonbinary, or whatever your child brings to the dinner table.” Whether it’s the “trans is as common as red hair” claim, or the “I’m not your son, I’m your daughter” proclamation, or the “do you prefer a live son or a dead daughter’ threat, says Grossman, no family is immune, and every parent must be prepared.
No child is born in the wrong body, Dr. Grossman reassures us, their bodies are just fine; it’s their emotional lives that need healing. Whether you’re facing a gender identity battle in your home right now, or want to prevent one, you need this book to guide you and your loved ones out of the madness.
Episode 314 - Part 5 of 15 "Lost in Trans Nation" - Ch 4 - The Castro Consensus - So Important for Parents and Professionals
Order Dr. Miriam Grossman's Book on Amazon Here: https://amzn.to/3KYhTwi
Throughout our country, atrocities are taking place in doctor’s offices and hospital operating rooms. Physically healthy children and adolescents are being permanently disfigured and sometimes sterilized. Those youth say they’re transgender, and we—their parents, teachers, therapists, and doctors—are supposed to agree with their self-diagnosis and take a back seat as they make the most consequential decision of their lives: to alter their bodies in order to, we are told, “align” them with their minds.
Medical, educational, and government authorities advise us to support the “gender journeys” of still developing kids, including medical interventions with poor evidence of long-term improvement.
This would not be acceptable in any other field of medicine. Indeed, the treatments our medical authorities and Washington call “crucial” and “life-saving” have been banned in progressive Sweden, Finland, and Britain.
Dr. Miriam Grossman is a child and adolescent psychiatrist whose practice consists of trans-identified youth and their families. In Lost in Trans Nation, she implores parents to reject the advice of gender experts and politicians and trust their guts—their parental instincts—in the face of an onslaught of ideologically driven misinformation that steers them and their children toward risky decisions they may end up mourning for the rest of their lives.
The beliefs that male and female are human inventions; that the sex of a newborn is arbitrarily “assigned”; and that as a result the child requires “affirmation” through medical interventions—these ideas are divorced from reality and therefore hazardous, especially to children. The core belief—that biology can and should be denied—is a repudiation of reality and a mockery of what hard science teaches about being male and female.
Dr. Grossman believes that parents know their child best; they especially know if they have a son or daughter. But currently in our country when it comes to gender identity, everyone knows better than mom and dad. Schools enable students to live double lives—Patrick at home, Patti at school. Activists tell kids their loving homes are “unsafe” when parents voice doubts about the child’s new identity. For refusing to see their son as their daughter, parents might be reported to protective services, a development that can lead to a family’s destruction.
Lost in Trans Nation arms parents with the ammunition to avoid, or, if necessary, fight what many families describe as the most difficult challenge of their lives. Parents will learn what to say and how—at home, at school, and if necessary, to police when they appear at the door.
“Don’t be blindsided like so many parents I know,” warns Grossman, “be proactive and get educated. Feel prepared and confident to discuss trans, nonbinary, or whatever your child brings to the dinner table.” Whether it’s the “trans is as common as red hair” claim, or the “I’m not your son, I’m your daughter” proclamation, or the “do you prefer a live son or a dead daughter’ threat, says Grossman, no family is immune, and every parent must be prepared.
No child is born in the wrong body, Dr. Grossman reassures us, their bodies are just fine; it’s their emotional lives that need healing. Whether you’re facing a gender identity battle in your home right now, or want to prevent one, you need this book to guide you and your loved ones out of the madness.
Episode 313 - Part 4 of 15 "Lost in Trans Nation" - Ch 3 - Rosa - So Important for Parents and Professionals
Order Dr. Miriam Grossman's Book on Amazon Here: https://amzn.to/3KYhTwi
Throughout our country, atrocities are taking place in doctor’s offices and hospital operating rooms. Physically healthy children and adolescents are being permanently disfigured and sometimes sterilized. Those youth say they’re transgender, and we—their parents, teachers, therapists, and doctors—are supposed to agree with their self-diagnosis and take a back seat as they make the most consequential decision of their lives: to alter their bodies in order to, we are told, “align” them with their minds.
Medical, educational, and government authorities advise us to support the “gender journeys” of still developing kids, including medical interventions with poor evidence of long-term improvement.
This would not be acceptable in any other field of medicine. Indeed, the treatments our medical authorities and Washington call “crucial” and “life-saving” have been banned in progressive Sweden, Finland, and Britain.
Dr. Miriam Grossman is a child and adolescent psychiatrist whose practice consists of trans-identified youth and their families. In Lost in Trans Nation, she implores parents to reject the advice of gender experts and politicians and trust their guts—their parental instincts—in the face of an onslaught of ideologically driven misinformation that steers them and their children toward risky decisions they may end up mourning for the rest of their lives.
The beliefs that male and female are human inventions; that the sex of a newborn is arbitrarily “assigned”; and that as a result the child requires “affirmation” through medical interventions—these ideas are divorced from reality and therefore hazardous, especially to children. The core belief—that biology can and should be denied—is a repudiation of reality and a mockery of what hard science teaches about being male and female.
Dr. Grossman believes that parents know their child best; they especially know if they have a son or daughter. But currently in our country when it comes to gender identity, everyone knows better than mom and dad. Schools enable students to live double lives—Patrick at home, Patti at school. Activists tell kids their loving homes are “unsafe” when parents voice doubts about the child’s new identity. For refusing to see their son as their daughter, parents might be reported to protective services, a development that can lead to a family’s destruction.
Lost in Trans Nation arms parents with the ammunition to avoid, or, if necessary, fight what many families describe as the most difficult challenge of their lives. Parents will learn what to say and how—at home, at school, and if necessary, to police when they appear at the door.
“Don’t be blindsided like so many parents I know,” warns Grossman, “be proactive and get educated. Feel prepared and confident to discuss trans, nonbinary, or whatever your child brings to the dinner table.” Whether it’s the “trans is as common as red hair” claim, or the “I’m not your son, I’m your daughter” proclamation, or the “do you prefer a live son or a dead daughter’ threat, says Grossman, no family is immune, and every parent must be prepared.
No child is born in the wrong body, Dr. Grossman reassures us, their bodies are just fine; it’s their emotional lives that need healing. Whether you’re facing a gender identity battle in your home right now, or want to prevent one, you need this book to guide you and your loved ones out of the madness.
Episode 312 - Part 3 of 15 "Lost in Trans Nation" - Ch 2 - Psychiatry’s Dangerous Idea - So Important for Parents and Professionals
Order Dr. Miriam Grossman's Book on Amazon Here: https://amzn.to/3KYhTwi
Throughout our country, atrocities are taking place in doctor’s offices and hospital operating rooms. Physically healthy children and adolescents are being permanently disfigured and sometimes sterilized. Those youth say they’re transgender, and we—their parents, teachers, therapists, and doctors—are supposed to agree with their self-diagnosis and take a back seat as they make the most consequential decision of their lives: to alter their bodies in order to, we are told, “align” them with their minds.
Medical, educational, and government authorities advise us to support the “gender journeys” of still developing kids, including medical interventions with poor evidence of long-term improvement.
This would not be acceptable in any other field of medicine. Indeed, the treatments our medical authorities and Washington call “crucial” and “life-saving” have been banned in progressive Sweden, Finland, and Britain.
Dr. Miriam Grossman is a child and adolescent psychiatrist whose practice consists of trans-identified youth and their families. In Lost in Trans Nation, she implores parents to reject the advice of gender experts and politicians and trust their guts—their parental instincts—in the face of an onslaught of ideologically driven misinformation that steers them and their children toward risky decisions they may end up mourning for the rest of their lives.
The beliefs that male and female are human inventions; that the sex of a newborn is arbitrarily “assigned”; and that as a result the child requires “affirmation” through medical interventions—these ideas are divorced from reality and therefore hazardous, especially to children. The core belief—that biology can and should be denied—is a repudiation of reality and a mockery of what hard science teaches about being male and female.
Dr. Grossman believes that parents know their child best; they especially know if they have a son or daughter. But currently in our country when it comes to gender identity, everyone knows better than mom and dad. Schools enable students to live double lives—Patrick at home, Patti at school. Activists tell kids their loving homes are “unsafe” when parents voice doubts about the child’s new identity. For refusing to see their son as their daughter, parents might be reported to protective services, a development that can lead to a family’s destruction.
Lost in Trans Nation arms parents with the ammunition to avoid, or, if necessary, fight what many families describe as the most difficult challenge of their lives. Parents will learn what to say and how—at home, at school, and if necessary, to police when they appear at the door.
“Don’t be blindsided like so many parents I know,” warns Grossman, “be proactive and get educated. Feel prepared and confident to discuss trans, nonbinary, or whatever your child brings to the dinner table.” Whether it’s the “trans is as common as red hair” claim, or the “I’m not your son, I’m your daughter” proclamation, or the “do you prefer a live son or a dead daughter’ threat, says Grossman, no family is immune, and every parent must be prepared.
No child is born in the wrong body, Dr. Grossman reassures us, their bodies are just fine; it’s their emotional lives that need healing. Whether you’re facing a gender identity battle in your home right now, or want to prevent one, you need this book to guide you and your loved ones out of the madness.
Episode 311 - Part 2 of 15 "Lost in Trans Nation" - Ch 1 - John Money’s Dangerous Idea - So Important for Parents and Professionals
Order Dr. Miriam Grossman's Book on Amazon Here: https://amzn.to/3KYhTwi
Throughout our country, atrocities are taking place in doctor’s offices and hospital operating rooms. Physically healthy children and adolescents are being permanently disfigured and sometimes sterilized. Those youth say they’re transgender, and we—their parents, teachers, therapists, and doctors—are supposed to agree with their self-diagnosis and take a back seat as they make the most consequential decision of their lives: to alter their bodies in order to, we are told, “align” them with their minds.
Medical, educational, and government authorities advise us to support the “gender journeys” of still developing kids, including medical interventions with poor evidence of long-term improvement.
This would not be acceptable in any other field of medicine. Indeed, the treatments our medical authorities and Washington call “crucial” and “life-saving” have been banned in progressive Sweden, Finland, and Britain.
Dr. Miriam Grossman is a child and adolescent psychiatrist whose practice consists of trans-identified youth and their families. In Lost in Trans Nation, she implores parents to reject the advice of gender experts and politicians and trust their guts—their parental instincts—in the face of an onslaught of ideologically driven misinformation that steers them and their children toward risky decisions they may end up mourning for the rest of their lives.
The beliefs that male and female are human inventions; that the sex of a newborn is arbitrarily “assigned”; and that as a result the child requires “affirmation” through medical interventions—these ideas are divorced from reality and therefore hazardous, especially to children. The core belief—that biology can and should be denied—is a repudiation of reality and a mockery of what hard science teaches about being male and female.
Dr. Grossman believes that parents know their child best; they especially know if they have a son or daughter. But currently in our country when it comes to gender identity, everyone knows better than mom and dad. Schools enable students to live double lives—Patrick at home, Patti at school. Activists tell kids their loving homes are “unsafe” when parents voice doubts about the child’s new identity. For refusing to see their son as their daughter, parents might be reported to protective services, a development that can lead to a family’s destruction.
Lost in Trans Nation arms parents with the ammunition to avoid, or, if necessary, fight what many families describe as the most difficult challenge of their lives. Parents will learn what to say and how—at home, at school, and if necessary, to police when they appear at the door.
“Don’t be blindsided like so many parents I know,” warns Grossman, “be proactive and get educated. Feel prepared and confident to discuss trans, nonbinary, or whatever your child brings to the dinner table.” Whether it’s the “trans is as common as red hair” claim, or the “I’m not your son, I’m your daughter” proclamation, or the “do you prefer a live son or a dead daughter’ threat, says Grossman, no family is immune, and every parent must be prepared.
No child is born in the wrong body, Dr. Grossman reassures us, their bodies are just fine; it’s their emotional lives that need healing. Whether you’re facing a gender identity battle in your home right now, or want to prevent one, you need this book to guide you and your loved ones out of the madness.
Episode 310 - Part 1 of Lost in Trans Nation - Forward by Jordan Peterson & Introduction - So Important for Parents and Professionals
Order Dr. Miriam Grossman's Book on Amazon Here: https://amzn.to/3KYhTwi
Throughout our country, atrocities are taking place in doctor’s offices and hospital operating rooms. Physically healthy children and adolescents are being permanently disfigured and sometimes sterilized. Those youth say they’re transgender, and we—their parents, teachers, therapists, and doctors—are supposed to agree with their self-diagnosis and take a back seat as they make the most consequential decision of their lives: to alter their bodies in order to, we are told, “align” them with their minds.
Medical, educational, and government authorities advise us to support the “gender journeys” of still developing kids, including medical interventions with poor evidence of long-term improvement.
This would not be acceptable in any other field of medicine. Indeed, the treatments our medical authorities and Washington call “crucial” and “life-saving” have been banned in progressive Sweden, Finland, and Britain.
Dr. Miriam Grossman is a child and adolescent psychiatrist whose practice consists of trans-identified youth and their families. In Lost in Trans Nation, she implores parents to reject the advice of gender experts and politicians and trust their guts—their parental instincts—in the face of an onslaught of ideologically driven misinformation that steers them and their children toward risky decisions they may end up mourning for the rest of their lives.
The beliefs that male and female are human inventions; that the sex of a newborn is arbitrarily “assigned”; and that as a result the child requires “affirmation” through medical interventions—these ideas are divorced from reality and therefore hazardous, especially to children. The core belief—that biology can and should be denied—is a repudiation of reality and a mockery of what hard science teaches about being male and female.
Dr. Grossman believes that parents know their child best; they especially know if they have a son or daughter. But currently in our country when it comes to gender identity, everyone knows better than mom and dad. Schools enable students to live double lives—Patrick at home, Patti at school. Activists tell kids their loving homes are “unsafe” when parents voice doubts about the child’s new identity. For refusing to see their son as their daughter, parents might be reported to protective services, a development that can lead to a family’s destruction.
Lost in Trans Nation arms parents with the ammunition to avoid, or, if necessary, fight what many families describe as the most difficult challenge of their lives. Parents will learn what to say and how—at home, at school, and if necessary, to police when they appear at the door.
“Don’t be blindsided like so many parents I know,” warns Grossman, “be proactive and get educated. Feel prepared and confident to discuss trans, nonbinary, or whatever your child brings to the dinner table.” Whether it’s the “trans is as common as red hair” claim, or the “I’m not your son, I’m your daughter” proclamation, or the “do you prefer a live son or a dead daughter’ threat, says Grossman, no family is immune, and every parent must be prepared.
No child is born in the wrong body, Dr. Grossman reassures us, their bodies are just fine; it’s their emotional lives that need healing. Whether you’re facing a gender identity battle in your home right now, or want to prevent one, you need this book to guide you and your loved ones out of the madness.
Episode 309 - My Daughter Mylie's (age 12) short story
YouTube Video Link : https://youtu.be/PcPzPshutFA
Episode 308 - on Dating Well - a Model with Dr. Gilbert 0123
Link to the Youtube Video: https://youtu.be/8EzyY7hDhoU
Find out more about the 7 hour version of this course and others at www.drcoreygilbert.com/courses
and this course specifically - the Love, Sex, Dating & Marriage Course - at https://www.healinglivescenter.com/LSDM
Episode 307 - A Conversation with LaQuita Monley on marriage, ministry, and God's perfect plans
YouTube Video Link: https://youtu.be/fCVuuM0p7LU
ABOUT:
Check out Laquita's work, ministry, podcast, and services at
https://www.laquitamonley.com/
Episode 306 - 8 Surprises that make all the difference - A book - Secrets of Sex & Marriage by Feldhahn & Sytsma (2023)
YouTube video Link: https://youtu.be/_p_nDhrWpSs
Purchase this book on Amazon at: https://amzn.to/3K3hk3a
Episode 305 - A Conversation with Counselor Carrie Bock - Host of the Podcast Hope for Anxiety & OCD
Access the YouTube Video of this episode at: https://youtu.be/CjFoL0yxhRA
ABOUT:
Hello! I am a Christian, Licensed Professional Counselor, podcast host, and writer loving life just south of Nashville, TN.
http://hopeforanxietyandocd.com/
For many years, I’ve had a passion for the intersection of mental health, the Bible, and the church. Unfortunately, the church often hasn’t responded in a sensitive and biblical way to those with mental health issues. My desire is to use this platform to spread messages of love, hope, and biblical truth. I want to see Christians be healed from the shame of feeling “not enough” because they are struggling with anxiety, OCD, or any other mental health issue.
I have been a counselor for over 10 years. In 2017, I started a private practice called By The Well Counseling where I help people with anxiety and OCD overcome wounding childhood experiences in order to live full lives.
I enjoy crafts, cooking, and walks in the park with the my husband Steve. I am a former foster parent and presently, a cat mom to two sweet and lazy cats named Lilo and Stitch.
GO TO:
http://hopeforanxietyandocd.com/
Episode 304 - A Conversation with Darryl Rodgers on grief, loss of a child to addiction and getting help - The Family Recovery Coach
Get the YouTube video Link here: https://youtu.be/pg2LbNQpi3o
www.thefamilyrecoverycoach.com
ABOUT:Darryl Rodgers is a speaker, author, and family recovery coach living in Cary, North Carolina. As a family recovery coach, he specializes in working with parents of children struggling with a substance use disorder. Darryl also serves on the state advisory board of NC Mothers Against Drunk Driving.
At the age of 19, Darryl began a career as a corporate pilot. He served as a medic in the Army National Guard and became a Copilot/Gunner on the AH-64 Apache attack helicopter.
Darryl and his wife, Kim have been married for thirty-one years. They are the proud parents of two boys, Justin and Chase. GO TO:https://www.darrylrodgers.com/ This link takes you to a website that offers an online course for the parents of children struggling with a substance use disorder. The course is priced at $297. I will offer a discount to your listeners.
Episode 303 - A Conversation with Jerry Dugan - Author and Podcast Host of Beyond The Rut
Link to the YouTube Video: https://youtu.be/dsVT_tH6y5Q
ABOUT:Jerry Dugan is the CEO and Senior Consultant of BtR Impact, LLC, a consulting and training company focused on helping leaders define success on their terms so they can live fulfilled, meaningful lives with impact and not lose their faith, their families, or their health. His work experience includes serving in the U.S. Army as a combat medic, corporate training facilitator, and organizational development leader. He has led in combat zones and corporate offices learning the ins and outs for building teams and trust through servant leadership.Since 2015, Jerry has been the host and producer of Beyond the Rut podcast, a show that shares encouraging stories and practical advice to help pull listeners out of their ruts and into lives worth living. It's not enough to get out of a rut. He wants you to live beyond the rut.Jerry currently lives in Dallas, Texas, enjoying the empty nester life with his wife Olivia. They have two adult children, three cats, a dog, and no car loans! GO TO:https://beyondtherut.com/goals Many people go through life aiming at nothing and hitting it with amazing accuracy. Your chances of pursuing and achieving your dreams without losing your faith, your family, or your health go up when you have written goals and parameters for achieving those goals. I created a workbook called Measure It to Make It to help your listeners define success for themselves and create a map to make their own paths in living the lives they dreamed of living beyond the rut.
Episode 302 - A Conversation with Dr. Stephan Neff of New Zealand on Addiction, Sobriety, and Mental Health (be aware of language)
Episode 302 link to video: https://youtu.be/ACQyTdVy7I0
ABOUT:Dr. Stephan Neff is passionate about demystifying mental health problems and helping the people around him live a life so full of joy that yesterday is jealous of today. Born in Germany, Stephan has studied medicine at the prestigious Heidelberg University before traveling and working around the globe. Nowadays he has settled down as an anaesthetist in beautiful New Zealand and has become a bestselling author and advocate for mental health and addiction. He is uniquely qualified in this role. After all, a life time of trauma led Stephan to drown his sorrows, only to find that the critters can swim. As an alcoholic in recovery he has experienced addiction and mental health problems first hand. After successful rehabilitation Stephan is now an expert in living a life so fantastic, that alcohol has simply no role to play. He shares this passion through his podcast, YouTube channel, and other social media (all titled "Steps to Sobriety").In his book "My steps to Sobriety" he shares the lessons he has learned as a doctor and as a man. And the truth is simple - The past does not equal the future. Every alcoholic can turn his life around, one little decision at a time. This book shows how to do it.But would it not make sense to start earlier? Stephan believes that it is easier build strong children than to repair broken men. His creative partnership with Belinda Managh has led to the beautiful "Esmee the mindful mouse"-series, which addresses core beliefs that are laid down in early childhood. The adventures of Esmee and her friends allow the children to learn about emotions and mindfulness in a playful way and help grownups to put these life lessons into daily practice. GO TO:www.mystepstosobriety.com My website is the portal to learn more about me, buy my books, contact me for future collaboration and apply to be a guest on my show.
Episode 301 - A Conversation with Allen C. Paul on God & Gigs, Being a Creative, a Dad, Homeschooling, and Calling
Episode 301 YouTube video link: https://youtu.be/E6-pX_g-MUI
ABOUT:
As a musician, creative coach, author and podcaster, I strive to help creatives in all walks of life to harness the essential tools to impact the world while living in harmony, abundance and in line with timeless principles. I've built multiple brands and creative platforms, written 4 books and resources, and run a successful faith-centered creative platform, God and Gigs, while coaching others to do the same with their gifts. GO TO:www.godandgigs.com/questions
Episode 300 - Interview by Efrosinya Vshivkoff of Myself About Anxiety and Sexual Abuse - Jan 2023
Episode 300's YouTube video Link: https://youtu.be/dAr9T0It_GI
Link to Efrosinya's Podcast:
Anxiety: What is Happening to me?
https://anchor.fm/efrosinya-vshivkoff
Episode 299 - Dr. Gilbert Speaking on A Biblical Sexual Ethic & Why it Matters - from the Church Mental Health Summit October, 2022
https://www.churchmentalhealthsummit.com/
Episode 299's video link: https://youtu.be/8yyjwOVqdtw
Episode 298 - Q & A with Julia Garrison & Laura Gallier on Age Appropriate Conversations - BSE Conference, Vancouver, WA - August 2022
"Biblical Sexual Ethics & Integrity Conference for Parents"
Julia Garrison
www.makelevelpaths.org
Laura Gallier
http://www.lauragallier.com/
Episode 298's video link: https://youtu.be/fgldyDlMScc
Episode 297 - Q & A with Julia Garrison @ the BSE Conference - Vancouver, WA, August 2022
"Biblical Sexual Ethics & Integrity Conference for Parents"
Julia Garrison
www.makelevelpaths.org
Episode 297's video link: https://youtu.be/4ithsxYhbFk
Episode 296 - Dr. Gilbert @ the BSE Conference, Vancouver, WA - August 2022
Presentation @ the
"Biblical Sexual Ethics & Integrity Conference for Parents"
Vancouver, WA
August 2022
Episode 296's video link: https://youtu.be/LtE7gsZ0UAU
Welcome to HealingLives with Corey Gilbert, a podcast sponsored by the healing live center, discover how to love and lead your family well and biblically God created sex marriage and the family for our stewardship growth and benefit my heart and passion is to teach, train, educate and disciple christians that want strong marriages and families. The HealingLives Center has been serving Christians since the year 2000. Its mission is to be a center for sex, trauma and marriage education and transformation, where we offer counseling, coaching courses and speaking services to you, your church or ministry check us out at HealingLives.com.
I had the honor of this past year to present at a conference entitled the Biblical sexual Ethics and integrity Conference for parents. The subtitle was inspiring and equipping parents to wrestle with and live out a biblical sexual ethic model, sexual integrity and grow the parent child connection by a host of the conference was Julia Garrison. Um you'll see here in her in the beginning um and her links to her work is might make level paths dot org, there'll be links in the description. Um so here is my presentation, so some of you, um most of you wouldn't know this actually not some, most of you would not know this uh that this conference was actually gonna be last spring. Um I was gearing up for it uh and the name of that conference again, I love long titles, I don't just the name of that conference was going to be going beyond the sex talk, how to disciple your child sexuality. Okay, A mouthful, right? But that was the whole thing, right? It was like, it was catchy, I had sex in it. Okay. Yeah, so that was gonna be the title. I had all graphics done, I was about to launch it and um, a week before launching and promoting uh, schedules changed and it was put on pause now, like any of you, you might think does God not want me to do this? That was one of the things that went through my mind, right, was like, okay, does this mean I shouldn't do it? Like, you know, you're kind of wrestling with that and in the middle of wrestling with that. Um, I decided I need to re look at this and one of the things that I was re looking at is I want a psychologist. I want, I want someone who's familiar with human and child development with human sexuality, who has, who has a different view or a different look on this, not just biblical, but also with the human development piece. Um I, I know there's a lot of stuff out there about the psychology field and it's been used in negative ways, but did you know the root word is soul care, right? Like it was something that was ours before it got changed. Okay, so it, it's a good thing. Um it can be a good thing, I should say it that way. I wanted someone who had strong biblical ethic and who had life experience. So not only the psychology background in the human development, but also the biblical ethic and the life experience. I wanted a professional who was well seasoned and working in the trenches of human suffering. That was really important to me and with parents, fears also really important to me, someone who got the context while knowing hope was alive. So I started asking around how many of you know that God's a provider. Soon after I caught wind of the name. Dr Cory Gilbert, a psychology professor at Corbin University. So I googled it and of course I'm scrolling his page and I see PhD in family psychology. I see over 22 years devoted to counseling individuals, couples and families struggling with past abuse, especially in the areas of trauma, adultery, struggles with sex, sexuality and gender identity. If my mouth wasn't open at this point, I was like, oh I see published books, workbooks uh specifically on teaching parents went right to amazon ordered it. It's out there um about biblical sexual ethics and being uh spiritual authorities in their home. He's even the founder of the healing live center, which is focused on sex trauma and marriage education and training. Then this is a big dramatic pause. Then I see his newest book and take a guess of what it's called, going beyond the talk, a teen and preteen guide. So I'm all fired up at this point. Um and so after I dug a bit deeper, listened to some things, I was like, this is this is the guy. So I reached out and eagerly waited his response. Uh, he wrote back in capital letters. Absolutely. So ladies and gentlemen, please welcome an answer to my prayer and a devoted and godly expert in the area of biblical sexual ethics. Dr Cory Gilbert set the bar high right there. Okay, I am so honored to be here. Um, this is, this is what I love to do, which is also sounds weird. Um some of my favorite counseling is actually with abuse and trauma and adultery. Why? Because God's the Redeemer and it's all about that. Why would I teach classes at Corbin about trauma and human sexuality? When I know when I get to certain topics, I'm gonna lose half the class because it hits them in their heart because God's there restore, there's a reason for it. Without it. I would, I would go be a truck driver or something. It's always been my backup job. It's not, it's not logical actually to even talk about this stuff yet. As I, as I left college and actually rewind there, I went to college to be in music, but I found out you have to have talent. That was a hard one. My junior year. They sat me down and said, you're not graduating, you're not good enough. I cried, they cried, it was a moment. Um and I had to switch my major and I was like, I'm not gonna major in spanish. I grew up in south America, not gonna major in my dojo mech. Actually, that was my, I might do that one, so art, I love art, love and stuff like that. And so then I just decided to try this christian counseling class, one class changed my whole life, my heart and desire is ministry, my heart's desire is to serve. And I never realized that I would be doing that um that I'll be switching from this passion of music into counseling into these in the areas that were to come. I'm glad, doesn't, God doesn't give us a preview, God glad that God kind of goes, you know what, I'm gonna give you this little piece because you're not gonna unnecessary like what's around the corner and we'll get to that in a little bit. But um today, as we kind of go through this definitely as Julia said, pay attention to yourself because some of this is, can be difficult, but today, what I really want to focus on is scripture, the foundation. Why are in the world are we talking about this? What do we stand on? Um the QR code here, it's here and it's also throughout the slides, just so you can grab it if you need it, but it will have the handouts and the videos and all this stuff on that page after in a few weeks in a few days. Um just so you can grab it later. But um this is what we talked about. We get to talk about sex, it's supposed to be redemptive and I bet you half or more of us, it's not necessarily how it feels inside your hearts, especially in your experiences, young people, glad you're here. We need to be able to talk about this in a way that's redemptive. There's a lot of um stuff inside of us that's actually messed up and twisted that we need to actually reexamine think through um really, really important. This is a quote that I heard from Preston Sprinkle and just really hit me said people of faith who are navigating gender identity issues. Are our people not careful, we're talking about them. No, you and I are struggling. Every single one of us is actually wrestling with something. It just may not be that piece. We're all questioning things about who God is and why he did this or why he did that. And especially after the last few years we went through, there's so many questions we have but I love that statement. They are our people. So hold on to that as we kinda walk through some stuff that's not gonna necessarily feel good. Always. This is where I'm from Temuco Chile Chile. No um I grew up in Chile grew up in the Chilean school system, the private schools missionary family missionary kid. Um so I came to America at 17 years old. I'm not liking this country because my grandmother had died right before he came to visit not knowing the culture. I mean your culture in chile was all I knew even though when I looked in the mirror I realized oh wait I'm not like them. Um but until I looked in the mirror I didn't, I wasn't treated different white redhead with a very different culture is beautiful actually, that's what I knew and I actually being someone who kind of stood out when I moved to the United States, I didn't realize that I was actually trying to stand out And didn't know why I was doing that. This is what I looked like in 92 and 93. Um mullets are awesome and I was on a mission trip to Dominican republic and a missionary there, she said cory you're doing everything you can to stand out because you grew up your whole life standing out and now you're nobody and I was like oh shoot called it and I had to kind of re examine myself but everything I liked with pink and purple and girly and I mean I crochet and I cross stitch and I do art and I um music major not realizing that in all of that. There's also certain assumptions that I just was clueless about because of cultural things, not realizing what friends were saying about me when I was actually after seminary, even I was getting new glasses and I put a purple tint to the, to the lens. It was kinda cool not realizing what I was saying, what people were interpreting from that were for a couple years later, some friends were like, yeah, we thought you were gay but really didn't say anything. I never really had girlfriends and um, so what does that mean? Well what's sad is we're constantly sending messages. Everything. We do everything, we say how we dress, everything sends a message. Even if we aren't quite clued into what that means. Um, this was me. This is me now. It's funny cause I actually, I motorcycles became a piece for me to leave where I was before. Um, I grabbed onto a pride for the wrong reason. Even I didn't want to be known as that person. And so I grabbed onto this identity. I, well the first part was I moved to America and all of a sudden there's no public transportation so I need my freedom. Got a job at Mcdonald's. So I'm making 4 25 an hour and I'm rolling in the dough. So I need freedom. And so I bought a motorcycle and that became me. Well that's just the beginning of that where it's like, that's not necessarily who I am, There's so many layers, but the world then was so different and as laura talked about last night if I were born today and being a teenager today, I worry where I would be today because of the pressures from our culture and the questions being asked by our teams that should not be being asked, which we'll talk about today. Um I had better pipes on that one. So yeah, I laugh when I'm next to a Tesla because I make them rattle a little as I go by. But um, so there's parts of me that came out that I didn't know exist and here's the coolest thing. I'm this kind of more girly girl inside and I meet this amazing woman And I have the best day of my life when I married my, my bride Kelly 19 years ago and she is such a guy inside Legal field, like analytical, her version of counseling is a two x four across the head get over it, I'm like, that's why you do your thing and I'll do my thing. Like, um and I meet this woman who I still can't believe I've been online by the way, equally yoked dot com. 10 months later we were married, I was walking with a cane at the time and doctors said I would never have a job and I would never work, I have Crohn's and I was just dying inside my body was um decaying. I was on high doses of predniSONE and other stuff and I was a mess. What's interesting is when we got married um in those 10 months, I've been in the hospital three times and my wife and her mom had talked about in marrying him. You will probably take care of him the rest of your life. Are you willing to do that? She's been a stay at home mom in the last 14 years to our kids and home schools, our kids. Well I work 2-4 jobs because God is awesome. That story didn't play out. We actually through lots of stress and struggle as a couple found other answers and got help outside of medicine and I've learned to take care of myself and I ride a Harley and I go backpacking and I go snowboarding and I do stuff I never thought I could do because God is incredible. And every time I even get on my bike, it's just from reminder of I'm not in a wheelchair. We spent our first year of marriage with a handicapped sticker and shopping for one of those motorized carts because that's what we thought we were kind of into. And um God is a redeemer. Does he always, does he fix everything? No, I actually, my own stuff started flaring up two weeks ago, Why? We started back meetings at Corbin and getting ready for school year as the stress goes up. Things go downhill every time about november, it gets worse and then depression sets in when my college students leave me in december and it hits me again in May. Um I'm human, but I'm gonna actually fight what happens with these three guys. I also couldn't have kids is what we thought too. And I married someone who was like, I don't know if I really want kids, but it's okay if we have kids. And so when she found out she was pregnant the first time, she was kind of mad because she had already given her heart kind of gone, no, we're not gonna open that door. And um so it's just kind of neat to have, I call my experiments. They would normally be here with me right now. But um my my wife's grandfather just passed away. So they're dealing with all that. But um these guys make me who I am, I only wanted daughters by the way. And so then we found out we were having a son and I cried and I was depressed for two weeks. I don't know what to do with a boy. And then we found out we're having a second sun, God, what are you doing to me? And then I had my little girl who's just my doll. I love her to death. If she had been born first, I would be a horrible dad because she would have me wrapped around her finger and she does not have me wrapped on her finger and I look at that and realized that even some of those things of who I was and who God gave me his two sons. it forced me into things that I never would have actually honestly tried and to see how Moldable and shape a ball we are that um all my shirts say Harley on them mainly because my wife was like stop complaining about the prices on at the store because they're crazy and they're all from Ebay, but it was a change from my previous clothing, if you will. Why? Because I loved her and realize that it's so funny how easy some of these decisions are to change, but why don't we? Because we dig our heels in and we actually kind of claim some identity if you will and if we're not careful, it's one that's actually us at the center which we're gonna talk about. So the topic or the more pictures you, my kids, yes, loved doing adventures with them. Um what I want to do today is this, I'm gonna walk through this. Um these are the old slides actually, Oops, okay, we'll do this anyway, create order disorder. This is the model of kind of how I'm thinking about this and we're gonna look at a lot of scripture. I'm a college professor. So, good luck keeping up again. The slides will be online. But um, we're gonna look at this kind of 33 pieces, so create order disorder and then who you are, how does this fit in with you um which is really, really, really important. So the first passage of scripture and we're looking at a created order. We're gonna go back to genesis Genesis 1 27. So God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them male and female. He created them. This is the foundation. We start with that God created us male and female. And there is no other alternatives to that. That's how we're made. And we're gonna look again further at that. But there's another cool thing about the order of this. He created man. But there's something that some of us do. It's called work. But if we're not careful, we put it in the wrong order. Work did not come after the fall, work came before the fall. The Lord God took the man and put him in the garden of Eden to work it and take care of it. Remember that that actually you are meant to work. I look at this word retirement and I laugh. It's one thing to retire from a job to start something new or to go invest in something different. But how many quit living? They lose themselves or they watch jeopardy reruns I guess. I don't know. Um They lose themselves, you were called to something greater than just punching a clock in death and taxes to work. Work. Work beautiful thing. So put it in the right order. But then God even did something more incredible than creating man. He actually created this incredible person called woman. The Lord um Lord God said it is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him. The model of even marriage that we're gonna get to later starts right here and society right now basically has been saying and emphasizing even marriage is just a societal contract, it's a societal construct. It's like look at the bible, go look at the bible, no, it's not, it's from design prior to even the fall, we haven't gotten gotten to that yet. So the man gave names to all the livestock. Can you imagine that? I think about what God did to Adam, He goes, I'm gonna have you try to figure out if any of these are like you in my mind, I picture this taking days and maybe weeks if not years of Adam every day going, nope, not like me, nope, not like me, God, I'm in perfect communion with you and I still have a void, this is pre fall, remember that? How incredible I feel like it was God kind of emphasizing I'm gonna make someone that's gonna be so incredible, that's gonna be a helpmate and fit with you in a way that is gonna blow your mind. Adam found no suitable helper helper. Um and then he created marriage. The man said this has been a bone of my bone and flesh of my flesh and she shall be called, wow man, she was taken out of man, This is the design, this is the start, this is the foundation, this is why a man will leave his father and mother and he has united to his wife and they become one flesh still in the pre fall. The design is beautiful what the created order is beautiful and we have to say it two sexually different people. A marriage between two men and a marriage between two women is not a marriage, I don't care what you do. Society wise you can have contracts but nothing is sealed in heaven and nothing is sealed on earth. A wedding, a same sex wedding by the way is an expensive party. Think of it that way changes kind of how you feel about it because nothing is sealed in heaven, nothing is hell on earth and someone who comes to christ and there they find themselves in that space, do I leave my husband or leave my wife, they're not your husband or wife. We have to honor God and are now now the messy part gets kids that's another and it's sad to say I hear it all the time and counseling how many all my kids are resilient. Yeah, they actually kinda are but they're still gonna be harmed by your decisions actually. Even your decisions to move across town to switch schools to leave that church and go somewhere else. Our decisions actually do cause damage and or character maybe but it's life and it's part of us teaching our Children how to handle that. And so sometimes the delusion of our kids are resilient. They'll be fine. No, they're gonna be hurt, they're gonna be harmed. So lean into that and love them and expect that all of our decisions do. Adam and his wife were both naked and they felt no shame. Do you know what that's like? I would like to say that we actually don't know what that's like. We feel shame even now we feel shame. We don't, we can't even comprehend prior to the fall what that feels like to have actually have no shame. And then God didn't stop there. He brought them together. They felt no shame. And then now enters the picture of Children procreation Proverbs 17 6 children's Children are a crowned the aged and parents are the pride of their Children. It's sad to me to think of how we even think about Children nowadays. They're a nuisance. They're, they're a problem. They're, they're a little messy and dirty and loud and actually, no, you were called to be parents in the sense of how we're designed, it doesn't mean we all get to be, there's trends right now and some couples who they come together and they want kids and then they found out one of them can't. And so they divorce because, well you deserve to have Children? No, you do not. I deserve hell actually. And so what do I do with that? How do I lean into my spouse now that we've discovered that we can't have Children And yes, there might be other ways we can try if you can afford some of that. But we lean into that new us just like you can't, you can't, there's no guarantee when you get married that that person is gonna be healthier a year later or two years later, Laura laura story that beautiful song blessings her husband ends up in a brain is a brain tumor injury and wakes up. I don't even remember her accident. It's amazing to think about. We don't have any guarantee. I know part of what shaped me as a young boy was watching my mom have cancer and how my dad loved my mom. That was a young boy. We were living in Costa rica at the time. But then at 8 18, so 10 years later at 18 I watched my parents navigate through it again and watch. My dad loved my mom and shapes us. But also think about how many of us don't have that shaping from our family. We didn't get good examples of how to love how to surrender how to sacrifice. And so we really do learn how to be about ourselves. So what do we do here? We have this created order? Well, there's the disorder. Where does disorder come in? Well, it comes in with one word and it's sin senators the picture and it all goes downhill. We're in trouble. That's where we're at now. If you think of the things getting in the way that sin the places where we get stuck at Sin Genesis 3 6-7, then the woman saw that the fruit of the tree was good for food and pleasing to the eye and also desirable for gaining wisdom. She took some and ate it and noticed he was hanging out right next to her. She also gave some to her husband who by the way, was given the command and was given the instruction and he was silent. Um, and he ate it in the eyes of both of them were opened and they realized that they were naked and they went to Kmart sending her the picture and everything changed. There's an awareness they got what they wanted they see and they actually also now have to grieve, have to hurt that to face. But here's the word that I think comes into the picture at this point when Senators the picture, this next word is where you and I actually tend to struggle. It's actually blame 3 12. The man said the woman you put here with me, she gave me some fruit from the tree and I ate it dude punk right there And what are we doing now all the time. We want to find blame for everything. It's always someone else's fault that this that or the other happened. And it's actually no, I I own my reactions and I own who I am and I own how I handle all this, even the insanity of the last two years. But we want to blame. And what's so hard is there some stuff that has happened that we have very clear blame? Some of the processes that I walk young people through that when I worked at college and stuff, that age 20s is hard step where I actually looked through. So sexual abuse, I looked through what has happened to them when they were younger and I go, who was supposed to be your protector? Mom and dad. And I go, did they? No. So where should the shame be? This is scary. This is actually kind of scary shame on them for not protecting you. And I go, well hold on, don't stay there. You even land. If you stay there for even a few more minutes, you're gonna actually just spiral Why do I say that? Why? Because you're carrying a shame that you can't bear, that's actually not yours. And when I put it in the right place, I can enter the most beautiful place. And it's called forgiveness. But if I don't tell the truth, I can't forgive. And a lot of places I find people stuck is they haven't told the truth. They're still carrying a lie. And then fighting with a lie over and over and over and over for years. And when they tell the truth, they can go and I forgive and they feel very different towards even their their parent shame on the person that harmed me. Why not to get angry and get mad And and actually now seek vengeance is to then be free. I'm so tired of that controlling me and I can be free when I put truth capital t truth in place. But a lot of us are living and playing with and dancing around in our unconscious lots and lots of lies. We're trying to make sense of things we can't make sense of and trying to believe things that are not true. Now here's what happened with blame here in the garden at this point in time. Help the helper fail. Eve, here's how she failed to the woman. He said, I will make your your pains and childbearing very severe with painful labor. You will give birth to Children and your desire will be for your husband and he will rule over you the consequences of who she was supposed to be with her with her husband at the time. But this is a scary one. Leadership failed for Adam. He was meant to be someone who actually was leading his wife and he did not, he failed here to Adam he said because you listen to your wife and ate fruit from the tree which I commanded. You must not eat from it, cursed is the ground because of you through painful toil. You will eat food from it, holidays, your life. And if you think of the picture of this, it's one of your work is going to turn into something that can actually be somewhat of a burden. It's gonna be hard to be difficult. You're gonna be stressing, it's gonna be something that's different than the way I designed it to be which all of us can probably attest to what were we supposed to be? Adam was supposed to be that that partner with his wife and she was supposed to be a partner with her husband in design. Where do we find the working of this out Now for all of us in our marriage relationship, there's this back and forth and kind of pull of helper and leadership and what does this mean? Um questions I asked Premera couples all the time. I'm like, so what does it mean to be head of the house? And then I watched the husband or the boy, the guy who's getting married dig a grave. I'm supposed to make all the decisions. I was like, okay, I'm not sure where you got that one. Well from the church sometimes, but what does it mean to be the head of the house husbands? What does the require the the burden placed on you? It is you're gonna partner with this person who is so different than you has such a different way to see the world and you are responsible for her and your kids at judgment day. That's what it means. That should make you shake in your boots. It's not telling her what to do. It's not her obeying and you spouting off stuff. Absolutely not. You're partnering and what an incredible relationship when you actually really are linking arms and making decisions together and wrestling together and seeing things different but actually coming to agreements. That is not easy. That's what a lot of us counselors are spending a lot of time helping people do and it is so beautiful from this, these leadership and and helpmate fails. What comes what comes is this man will struggle with and return to the earth but The one We have pain and childbirth and struggle with man. Now again pause and look at society and look at marriages and look at families. This is exactly what's happening. There's a constant wrestling and struggling between who's gonna be in charge. Like what do we do some for some families as if mama ain't happy ain't nobody happy and we actually almost think that's a good term, a good phrase or a good thing and it's like no, this is unhealthy actually I would say it's downward unbiblical as a partner, their husbands that walk in the house and they don't even know what to do anymore because it's like this isn't their territory, it's hers and the kids and their they feel like an absolute outsider because of a lack of this, What was designed in marriage was broken through sin. And so we have a lot of working this out. So how do we apply this to us? What do you look about you? And I'm gonna I'm looking at this through the lens if you got the created order disorder and then then you there's a certain word I'm gonna get to in a little bit as to what it means for you and me when it comes to all of this mess was what it seems like. But also the beauty in the book I wrote. Um I can't say that for parents. There's this chapter I put in there that my wife was like you need to delete that chapter. That's just but it was the one on the neuroscience side. So all of the way that God made our chemistry and our neurobiology and hormones. And it's fascinating because it shows a perfect design of husband and wife male and female coming together and how we're meant to be by design. Yet for so many of us we just don't understand how that how they can think this way or how they can act this way or why are they so emotional or why are they so heartless or why are they so this or that and we gets lost. But yet again God's design is perfect and sin enters the picture, we lose each other. I had a client recently. He just said you know what When I'm gone to work, we should just expect when I come home that we're gonna have to get back on the same page because when I'm gone out during these, you know, 8 to 10 hours a day, of course we're not on the same page yet. The assumption was before were always supposed to be on the same page. It's like, so what needs to happen is you come home and there's a committee meeting, we get back on the same page every day. Yeah. What is the average that couples talk per week, anybody know? Yeah. It's just actually a handful of minutes per week. Sometimes I've seen some studies that say maybe an hour total a week kind of terrifying. Think of all the little exchanges. And it adds up to just a little bit of time and you're supposed to know me with that. No, you're not gonna know me. It's it takes intentionality. It takes investment. Yet we're so busy. So I want to kind of switch gears with this and look at it through the lens of gender and sexuality. Then so psalms 1 39 30 13 for you created my innermost being you knit me together in my mother's womb. There's a design from the beginning from the beginning of when you were conceived, we know that a baby in utero experiences the world, you adopt a child from this the day they're born and they have trauma based off what happened inside that mom in her life chemically and then also around her we know that that's not even a question. Yeah we still have questions about where life begins which I think is such an interesting, I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made, how many of us don't believe that through our actions, every one of us can actually probably list some things we don't like about ourselves and God's up there going, I made you, you're dissing me. I haven't talked to a woman in my office ever who hasn't had a list of what they don't like about themselves breaks my heart. That's not what it's about having the perfect body or having the perfect mind or having degrees or having status or having the perfect person on your arm isn't gonna make it. Remember this lady that I was a single lady that lived next to in Kansas, she was so excited she brought me down to the garage because she had the first ford um escape the only one in the state just so proud of this thing and I just laughed was like there'll be like 1000 of them in like two weeks but we do that plus it was a ford escape anyway. Like we get all excited about. I have, I've had Hondas and Yamaha's and Kawasaki's and different bikes and Finally finally finally sold sold the one I had and I got a Harley that one you saw and I remember after a few weeks I was kind of depressed because you realize it's just a stupid bike and I missed my Honda because it started this year and it was very humbling. It is, it doesn't matter what you get of stuff. It's amazing how many of us have vacations and then we have to have a vacation from the vacation after the vacation because it was so exhausting. American version of vacations is just whack to me. Just, you're so exhausted and you have to go back to work and you're worse off than you were before and in debt. Um, do I believe that I am fearfully wonderfully made my life and my actions will show that this is still that foundation of even who we are that were either living from or we are making my own path Colossians 3, 5 put to death therefore whatever belongs to your earthly nature, sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed, which is idolatry and think about any of these lists here in in other passages, a list of these things and sometimes we look at it and we can, we just go right into one and we obsess, we don't see the other two or three that are pointing right at us and we need to deal with. Um, but they're also not exhaustive trying to call out something and say, hey, these are some of the things they need to think about to consider. We don't think this way put to death, we're in a place in our culture where it's, don't you tell me what to do first of all? But also, if I claim this is who I am, well, it's that word identity. This is who I am. This is not how God designed us to be. And we actually have losses there. Well, here's two of those areas, the actually idea of attraction and desires. I think we put these in the wrong place Galatians 519 when you follow the desires of your simple nature, the results are very clear. There's a list against sexual immorality, impurity, lustful pleasures, idolatry, sorcery, hostility, quarreling jealousy, Alberts finger, selfish ambitions, dissension, division, envy, drunkenness, wild parties and other sins like these. This is what comes from this. Well, right now we have in our culture, attraction has become such a big deal. When I met my wife, I was not attracted to her at all. Why? Because in my mind, she didn't fit what I actually saw as attractive. What's really funny about that is I grew up in a different culture, even though I may look this way again, I was attracted to me was not a white redhead. Just to put it bluntly there. And what's funny is our kids are, there was actually bets when we had our first kids that's gonna be a redhead and he's a little blonde, but um, like that's not what was attracted to me. And I remember the day when I actually, it was like something came over me of, oh my gosh, this woman is amazing and it was so much bigger than just physical beauty. It's who she was, it was her character. It's what she stood for, what she believed in, her christ her God, all of who she was and how big of a deal that is attraction to me is that I'm gonna put it this way, it's bad data. Just to put it kind of in a weird way, but to stand out, it's bad data who you're attracted to great and it changes and it morphs and it it turns into all sorts of stuff. It actually has actually a short shelf life because then I get bored with you and I want something different. Same for your desires. Your desires are fickle, you're fickle. I'm fickle. Kind of scares me a little. How in the world do you last beyond a few years of marriage then? It's that's another whole question. I'm at 19 years of marriage and it's like we're just getting started. It's such a cool thing to see that now and go, wow, it's like we're just just getting going We're at that stage where Miley is 12, so we're like six years in six years, they're all gone and we'll move and like not even give them our address. Just kidding. Like what are they gonna do? Where are they gonna be? I don't know and just how excited us because the executive team, we get to actually decide where we go what we do even though that doesn't always work out that way. I have a sister who's in and out of living on the streets and doing stuff in texas and she's a mess because of choices doesn't always work out that we wanted to work out. It's scary. I remember my kids when they were eight or nine, I would tell them I hate that you have free will. You don't have free will. I hate that you actually have free will. You don't have free will. As in you can walk around the corner and do something that totally is against what we've taught you and that's on you. I will feel it and I will feel responsible for it. But that is on you. You go to a friend's house what you do all these things. The way that we handle our attraction and desires are critical because we want to fit in and we want to be cared, love, we want to be a part of something. It's actually scary what this looks like at times Galatians 5 22 with the Holy spirit produces this kind of this kind of fruit. This is the other side of that coin. Who are we supposed to be love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness faithfulness, gentleness and self control. There is no law against these things. This is who we're meant to be. Don't go look on facebook because everyone else is, everyone's yelling at someone or mad at something and it's probably a space that none of us should actually hang out by the way. Really, really careful with that. What am I attracted to? What are my desires? How much are those shaped by what I've done that I would that sin? How many marriages are impacted by pornography? Yet a lot of sex therapists, most sex therapists would encourage you to look at porn to spice up your sex life. No, no, no, no, no. When I went to my post doc work was in sex therapy, I went back to the Institute for Sexual Wholeness in Atlanta. The only place you can get this training from a biblical worldview, from a godly Godly men and women that that went and did some of the other gross training and we're protecting us from having to do that. I'm so thankful for them. Um, that one of the founders doug Rose and I just passed away a few months ago. I just love him, wrote the book celebration of sex, kind of one of the pioneer books in this area. Um kind of giving a biblical view of sexuality, Who you are is not your desires and who you are not your attractions. That's a really important thing for us to remember because if you're not careful even as a married man, it's easy to look around and be attracted? And the word I like to think about there is, and it's laughable. So what do we do instead? We play mind games and we're like, oh, they're not really attractive and we tell ourselves lies, thinking that's gonna protect us. When really what that actually does is I put it into the darkness and into secrecy. I started and we'll talk about this more this afternoon. But I started with my sons, even when I would see see someone see a girl that I know they noticed, I would point her out so that it moves moves out of their unconscious to the conscious and go, we'll talk about her later. And so then later when their car in the car, I'm like, okay, what's your story? You start talking through who she is and why she's a value and why when he, when my son looked and glanced, what did you do with it? Did you file it away for later or were you a man of integrity? These are conversations I was having with them when they were 5678, not teenagers. Now they're teenagers. Now to be blunt. I ask them every few weeks, So what are your masturbation practices? They don't, they're not honest with me anymore. They were before. Um, but we have the little dialogues that are incredible. Just them going, knowing I'm gonna ask this. They've got to kind of have a reckoning there, what does it do? It moves it out of their unconscious to the conscious and they have to take their thoughts captive. What kind of man are you gonna be? What kind of man are you gonna be? This is a constant. We talk about pornography in our house, almost every meal comes up somehow. I remember the day my daughter realized penis vagina, Like we're all sitting at the table, she's she's 11 at the time and her eyes just like got big and it's just like we all bust out laughing And she kind of put that together, why are we even talking about it since she was one and they'll catch on when they as they get older and as they put pieces together. No pun intended. Um and they they wrestle it out and they're either doing it internally or we are creating the environment for them to do it externally Galatians 5 24, those who belong to Christ Jesus have nailed the passions and desires of their simple nature to his cross and crucify them. There. I need to start there sometimes for some of us where do I need to actually what I need to die to what needs work versus what we tend to do, which is distract distract distract, go, go, go, go, go, go, go why we have a self centered bent. I believe that we are incapable of having relationships, Why you think you're right about everything you believe, just to put it simple, you wouldn't believe what you believe if you didn't think it was right? So the only way to be in a relationship is to find an absolute cookie cutter of yourself and then you get canceled out because when there's two of the same, they fade into oblivion. So what did God do? He designed marriage to be between a man and a woman and two very different people who have very different upbringings and different world views and different, which also means the more different you are in other areas, the more struggles you're gonna have and the more similarities, like I used to, I used to jokingly say I'm only gonna marry a southern baptist girl because I grew up southern baptist. Um and then it was funny when I met my wife through this dating service thing, it had under her name, methodist, and I'm like, I'm gonna marry a methodist, methodist, like jolly, she has challenged me and grown me in ways that God is so incredible why she sees the world different, her dad's a pastor and and being able to come into that with her and where was actually a lot of her own trauma was from southern baptist kids in school, telling her she's going to hell because she wasn't southern, like so then she married one, like, okay, so we've got some growing to do God is incredible and even those pieces of how he opens that door for us to come together. We have a self centered bent, which means we can't do relationships. So how do we do him? It's dying to self, it's learning to withhold being right to be in a relationship, which is really, really difficult, do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit rather in humility, value others above yourselves. We know these passages, but it's like we get lost in the day to day facebook fights and other craziness and we lose each other, we get really stressed out over money, we get stressed out over, you know, life and drama. When I work with couples, uh work with a lot of couples where kids are either transitioning or something's happening with their teens. The first thing I do is I look at the mom and dad and I'm like, how's your marriage? Because one of the first things that I see is on the chopping block is they're about to divorce because they don't handle it the same. How do you be a unified, even though you're not handling the same and I don't want you to expect the other person to be like you, that's not the goal, but how does your perspective add value to me? And how does mine add it to you and how do we work together? And yes, at times we have to come down to a decision that is gonna be difficult. I'm on the deacon board at our church, one of the most beautiful things that has been, I'm one of the young guys to the most beautiful things about the last 2.5 years. I don't speak almost ever in there. I listen and I learn, but to watch this group of men never leave a meeting without being unified. Has taught me so much, especially as we were wrestling, do we stay open and defy the governor's orders And us going to coming to 100% agreement. We are to be incarnation, we have to be in the body as a body of christ, I think of so many friends of mine and even family who have been lost because of a shutting down and because of other support groups shutting down and it was like if I go here I might die, what if I go here, I might die. And so which one do I do? And many are back in their addiction because they had the lack of support, we have to be incarnation all this is so beautiful to even now be um, be together now. One of the things that feeds into this bent nous is, we actually have language is a really important thing, how we talk about things how we understand. And I actually kind of like this the first time I saw this is the gingerbread person. Um, if you haven't seen it, it's quite fascinating how complicated we are honestly for me from years before, I'm like, I didn't see it as complicated. But as I kind of saw these parts parsed out, I'm like, actually I can see that that we have the identity and attraction and sex and expression. And there's even what I was actually sexually attracted to and also romantically attracted to these different parts actually helped me kind of wrestle with more layers, I guess you could say of myself. I like that at first at first gender identity. This one starts has started to worry me more than ever in the last few years. Actually, I heard a person finally say what I've been thinking for a while and afraid to say sometimes is what we've, what's happened with gender identity is basically, it's given permission for narcissism. It's back to that self centered thing. It's all about me versus God has a design that is perfect. And what do I do with that? How do I wrestle with that? Because it doesn't get rid of the actual wrestling. But if I don't have a foundation to stand on, I'm up to my own devices where I end up and I actually end up somewhere based off culture or based off friends or based off online chat forums are based off anything. But the biblical is why it is important gender expression. When I met my wife, I show up to our, it was our second date, second or third date and I'm wearing my purple suede coat. Love that coat and she's so embarrassed to be in public with me. I didn't know this at one point. She was like, are you hot? I'm like, I am, She's like, I'll be glad to carry your coat for you. I'm like, what a nice girl. And I never saw the coat again. She stuffed it in the bag and hit it. And I remember actually previous relationships where I was like this coat, I'm gonna die in this coat. I love this coat because that identity pieces like this is who I am not realizing. Kind of I was standing on something I didn't really want to stand on but also realizing, you know what? It's actually quite easy to change in our, in our history. What's happened is up until when gay marriage was voted in as legal. Everything. And all the conversations was born this way born this way born this way. Thanks lady gaga. That's what it was. Until two weeks after the vote. It was all about fluidity as we heard last night. It's only validity in one direction. But it's it's scary what we're giving to everyone to wrestle with. I wrestled with who I was. I wrestled with understanding why I wasn't like all the other guys and all that. I did wrestle with that. But I'm not asking questions like are being asked today. That's what this is actually opened up, which is scary, really, really scary, what's doing what it's doing. But it's also this piece here that sexually attracted to versus romantically attracted to? What does that mean? If I if I boil things down to the kind of base level, we have this sexual attraction and that we would eliminate all sorts of people because we're not sexually attracted them. We would have this pool of the kinds of things we're attracted to. And I say things on purpose because they're not people, we turn it into something very animalistic, even versus even romantically attracted to. There's a desire to get to know you their desire to have relationship. There's a desire to even nurture that there's something different there. What's funny for me is I am like this hopeless romantic and I married the most unromantic human being on the planet, man. It's hard to know how to love her. God's up there just laughing. And I do believe that, that he's just going, yeah, and the rest of your life, you get to learn to pursue her and whatever like you would naturally do isn't easy. It's kind of like the love languages. If you've seen the love language is the five love languages, it's interesting to see how many, which is most couples I've seen. You don't have the same ones or if they are the same. They're a different dialect, why it means you gotta work at it. My wife's bottom two at the very bottom or words of affirmation in touch. So what am I talked to, which means like if I put my arm around her at church, she's more like get off. But she puts her arm around me, I melt. But I also know that she consciously chose to do this, going, I know cory will like this, so I'm gonna put my arm around him. It was not an act of kind of out of the unconscious, it was a conscious choice when she complements me and she says something I know that it actually took effort and it was thought through. She's an internal processor. One thing that I missed about like today, normally she would be here with me and at the end of this I will go to her and she'd give me a list of what to fix next for next time. Um Like my power points are the wrong ones. And so I'm kind of going, whoa! Um but she's great at that. But what's the other side of that equation I have to receive. It doesn't always work when we were editing my book. So the first one I wrote, I hired a person that actually I would send stuff to them every week. And the number one rule is don't show any of it to your wife Because she'll shut you down tomorrow, which has happened in the past. So 70,000 words later, I hand it to her and she was like, oh my gosh, this is so bad. She's an english lit person. Everything was in passive voice just don't even know what that means. But in spanish everything is reversed the way that the order of it. So everything I wrote was sounds right to me. But she had literally we had to go sentence by sentence and and I remember at one point just having to go, okay any change he gives me, I just submit to because I'm dumb. It was so humbling and it was good for our marriage. Ironically some of the hard things too when I've been hospitalized were hard but they were good for our marriage. The times when we struggled with kids were hard but they were good for our marriage which is really really important. And how do you lean into growing as a couple now? What this has done with our with our culture, society conversations is you've probably seen these the L. G. B. T. Q. Q I A. Plus letters. It's created a mess when it comes to even what's going on culturally, L. G. B. Is actually fighting against T. Right now. I don't want to be a part of that. The experiments you're doing on Children are not okay. There's some that are saying that and hopefully more and more voices will come. It's interesting to think about that sexual identity is. And attractions are coming back to that word bad data, careful where we place these things because what we've done cultural is we've put those front and center as my identity and who I am and in that I lose actually who I am. The marriage is between two sexually different people period. And that's the design from the beginning and where are we at now? We're in the disordered space. We're in the sin space. What is every man or woman, boy or girl who's actually struggling with their gender identity or struggling with gender dysphoria or trying to figure themselves out if they want to be seen, they want to be known and they want to belong. What's really scary about that belonged one is there's now pushes in some schools being gay or lesbian is so old school and so outdated. It's all about trans. That is horrifying. Where is it gonna go next? What's gonna happen next? Now one of the tools that I use to think through and help someone think through where they're at and who they are and how complicated this applies to every one of us in this room is actually this one right here. These six things are parts of who you are. You have your intention, you have your biological sex, you have your gender identity, how you see yourself their persistence and direction, attraction, volition, your behavior and then your value values, your values of framework. If you think of a pie chart, you would make these parts of the pie different sizes based off how much of these, what mattered more and what mattered less. It's neat to think about that because if you did this now and you did this even a few months from now it would change, it would morph it would, it's not kind of set in stone because it's actually very subjective. But when you start thinking about that, you realize for some people for some teens especially they realize you know, their values are actually pretty strong. That keeps them where they're at or their biological sex is even though they feel and how these other parts of themselves and the goal of this is to kind of make it a little more complicated if you will. But at the same time kind of actually pull back a little so you can kind of see it from a different lens and realize I choose who I am, what do I do, who I who I hang out with, how I present myself all of it. That values peace. Am I standing on a biblical foundation? Yes or no. Am I choosing to honor you Lord? Or am I choosing actually a very different god if you will. And I haven't heard very many people speak this way or talk this way, but it is exactly that. And and I'm gonna kind of pit them against each other for a second. If we're not careful, it's either or I am choosing you Lord or I am choosing this as my God I think if you think of it that way, it changes a lot of our conversations because what we're also hearing and some of the conversations and different books and authors is it's also about, well you can be gay christian and then there's a fight about no, you can't use the words gay christian. All these different side a side b all these different kinds of conversations which is for for most of us were kind of going, well you lost me back there For the person in the middle of it. No, they're wrestling and trying to figure themselves out. Go to Facebook and click on gender. I think they're in the 90s now there's 90 something gender options. I can't tell you what 90% of them are. Um, but even if you pick the same word and pull four people that would say that's them, they would give you different definitions. So it's not about that, It's about you and I are trying to wrestle with who am I? We've always been that way by the way that's ever since sin into the world. We're trying to wrestle with who am I. And I think this is actually a really important tool now going back to the gender red person gender identity is a piece of the whole how I see myself is it congruent with my biological sex. Now the research kind of shows this is becoming those that identify as queer or basically non binary is growing by leaps and bounds in our culture. And many of the researchers are even saying it's very much more all around the social contagion piece. And what do you do with that? Actually to me? Great, that's good data. That doesn't tell me how to help, how to love, how to lead, how to guide. Um, some families that I know have actually shut off the internet to the house and they have locked things down, but that's only worked and the ones that I know where the child or the team has been like, I'm hurting and I help and I want you to do this for me. That's where I've seen beautiful things happen. What if they don't want to, I've seen this with husbands and wives even and grown grown siblings where they're wrestling and they're hurting and they're asking questions well, think about this term or this this um phrase, sex is sex is my right. So the conclusion here is that the authority of that, of that of their own experience or intuition. So my foundation of who I am or what I what I um identify as is up to me, which right there, I already kind of go, I don't trust myself on most most things, my emotions especially. So we're already in trouble. But then we have these parts that were supposed to show up separately. But sorry, God has made me and therefore made the desires I have is that foundational, everything God makes is good and therefore my desires are good and then good desires deserve to be and even ought to be fulfilled. It's just scary to think about some of the belief systems that are out there that are actually pushing for claimant grab on, this is who you are now. For me growing up, even the idea of that I'm male was understood understandable. That was not a question, but the working of that out is very difficult for some of us for lots of us. What is the biggest factor there comparison? Uh, Apple, the Apple products added the, the uh screen time feature a few years ago, shareholders of Apple demanded that they do that for one specific purpose. Girls are killing themselves at a higher rate because of social media, that was the purpose. Why did they not say guys too? Because they're doing other stuff which we're gonna talk about a minute. Girls are killing themselves, this is scary what's happening. And us as parents and we talk about this morning this afternoon, us as parents if we're not careful, were left in the dust at what they're facing because a lot of this is the kind of stuff that they believe now part of our job is to help them articulate it at times. So we're having to help wrestle through some of that, help them articulate it. Others have it very well articulated and we're left kind of mouth open and not sure what to do here are the messages that they're receiving from their friends. It used to be tolerance, then it became acceptance. Then celebration. Now it's participation. Think about that. Think about culturally we're at it's not tolerance anymore. That's actually so not even that, that's still seen as subpar. It's even not acceptance. And even celebration is not good enough. And then what do you do as a parent or a sibling of someone who's saying, well, you don't love me. We need to be careful about even how that has been hijacked the term love because the definition of love is kind of where we're gonna end up look at today because loving someone is very different than just accepting whatever they are, whatever they're doing or whoever they are. If we're actually sticking to a biblical view of that. Another quote from Preston Sprinkle, he said we need to create safe spaces where young people can open up, be heard receive godly wisdom and learn about God's expensive vision for what it means to be male and female. Where should that be our homes and our churches. Our church is actually meant to be on the front lines of some of these kinds of places and it should be also also be one of the safest places to come wrestle. But if you think of what culture and others are saying. Um Another study was, was that three of people that that leave the church left because of the theology, 97% of those that left the church left because they felt absolutely unloved and unheard and unaccepted as a person, not because of lifestyle stuff. We've made it and others have made it all about the theology. So we need to change our theology. No, we need to stand on a biblical foundation of truth unapologetically but also not with a big huge bible that were hitting people with a place where people can wrestle and ask questions. Um and not be okay. At first I was at a church one time that just visiting and the associate pastor was preaching and he made the comment. Everyone should be a part of celebrate recovery and I wanted to jump up and go, you there's something true about it. Why celebrate recovery isn't about once an alcoholic, always an alcoholic. Kind of like a it's a let's look at the beatitudes. Who am I to be in christ. He is a very different lens where you can have a table of an alcoholic and a mother dealing with our team and someone whose spouse just left all at the same table because you're not focused on your problem or where you're stuck. We're focused on who you are in christ very different. Do I still need some space to probably work those other pieces out. Yes. Do I sometimes need some serious help. Yes. But um yeah, we need community to get to as well. People of faith who navigate gender identity issues are our people, these are our sons or daughters are best friends. Sometimes our moms, our dads, but where we're going and our culture is kind of scary what's happening with our teenagers and the questions about who I am, something I want you to hear. I'm just gonna kind of plant the seed right now to kind of think about. I spent the last summer wrestling through nancy Pierce's book, loved my body. Really important work. I've read it over and over and over and over the summer. I read it a while back. Um, probably best protestant look at the theology of the body, which the only other one I know of is um, Christopher West wrote it. But from john paul, the second's teachings incredible. Beautiful, redemptive. But she finally helped me see where, how did we get here? And it's this split and it's a split between human, human being human and being a person. How do we get away with abortion? Well, it's a human, but it's not a person where the ethics is saying, well, there'll be a person when I say they are. And some ethicists are saying, by the way, that's around age 12 when they can do algebra. What are the implications there that if you're not a person I can offer you, I can end you, I can kill you. Well that just goes for abortion. It goes for infanticide, which is we're gonna start wrestling and fighting within our culture more than ever. It starts with euthanasia or continue with euthanasia. Or if you are downs or if you are, um, any kind of mental incapacity. But it goes into gender identity and it goes into homosexuality and it goes into um, transgender as well. But how do we end up accepting is when we actually make a duality out of it? There's something my body is a piece of material. It's expendable from the person. How do I have sex with whoever I want to have sex with? And I'm actually living the lie of culture of my body is expendable and we see the research actually shows how many do it and try to and it's empty on the sex part with anyone. How many of those that have transitioned are de transitioning. What I want to start seeing is more lawsuits to these doctors and counselors sue the life out of them. That's to me the next step because it is utter abuse. That's where we're at this duality. If we're not careful, what scares me is you and I actually have elements of belief in this most likely why? Because my body is sinful. We talked about this in the church. And so the body is almost of the devil and then my spirit is of God. So we start talking this way in church and we're careful. We've just done the exact same split that has led to our culture accepting all these things that are absolutely not okay. When I start putting that together, my mind goes okay, I can start understanding why if someone believes what they believe, but we need to put this back together as a whole. Well, here's the coolest part think of when scripture, I think of when Christianity entered the picture in history, Christianity entered the picture in history at a time when men especially you had your wife, she was to make a baby babies with that our boys to carry on the name. That was it. And then you had sex with your concubines and with your slaves, male and female. What did the bible come and do? What does Christianity come and do it. Come came and said, husbands love your wives as christ loved the church Christianity came in and raised the bar in a society that was more debased than we are now. Or maybe we're kind of close to it. Where's the answer? Here is Christianity. Where is the answer? It's christ Where's the answer? It's jesus, where's the answer? It's surrender to all these things. I don't know about you? I start getting kind of excited because we live in a time where we're gonna see jesus work if you haven't already. I have in my own life over and over and over and over and over. Have you heard of the maps this is the new term that we have to learn now. And I guess the letters will be added at some point. Minor attracted person. It's called pedophile, but we can't say that because that's too mean. We have to find they found a term that's acceptable. That can be palatable because it needs to be part of that protected class. This is where we're at. And it started a number of years ago and I've been speaking about this for four or five years. This is the next step. Well it is, there's a ted talk that started it and there's been multiple smart psychology people yikes. Um sometimes I don't want to be associated with them that have actually gone, well we need to someone's attractions to kids, that's not their choice. We have to actually protect them and they're not endorsing pedophilia. But then in the end they are. But no, we're not. Yeah, it's kinda it's scary, it's horrifying what's actually happening. But another one that's happening here in the northwest more than across the country is this one polyamory. As I was writing my second book, the one that's for teens, we were about to go to publish and my wife was like, we've got to add another chapter and so kind of at the last minute we stuck this chapter on polyamory, why I had read this article on Preston sprinkles website, the camera who was written by but he was actually saying how most christians could not tell you if they were asked why marriage between one man and one woman from scripture. Why when it was written back in a culture that was polygamists and polyamorous and you name it, everything went. And so that's why I wrote that chapter in that book. It's like you need to be able to answer that question. Why why did God have a design that was actually perfect and a husband and wife, why does polyamory not work basic step to do? Which is careful with this. But go to Youtube and type in polyamory testimonies and you'll watch the video after video after video of people explaining why they have found the answer to life so much easier to take care of kids when you have four or five of us. That's true. But every story I've ever heard of anyone from their own mouth has shown why this doesn't work, jealousy sets in turf wars territory scary. Actually kind of actually need to see what's been happening with those crazy, like the way they do these tv shows, these reality shows with the polygamy groups and some of them have been blowing up to pieces. It's kind of nice to see. But why do those women actually end up in those places? It's all they know, it's all they know. And so being able to actually help free. That's important to realize that God actually actually has more for you. He's got something much more beautiful, where are we losing our kids and some of this stuff online peers, how many christians I know in christian homes I've sat in and they're like, we know their friends, we do this and we do that. Where's their computer in the room? How much time are they on their always where have you lost them? You literally opened your front door and had all of those unknown people walk into your living room, sit down, set up camp and just indoctrinate through chat rooms through discord channels, through headsets. It's tough. It is a nightmare actually in some ways, how do we navigate this stuff? How do we, what do we do? And that's, that's the question that many of you are asking. Um, and for simple answer is some of that those cars need to be cut the harder, harder thing is once you've opened the door, it really is hard to shut it. So one of my was kinda mentioned last night, one of my ways of doing that, which will hopefully talk more about this afternoon is you partner with your son or your daughter. It's a relationship with them, not a top down in the end, us, you are the parent, but when you can partner, it's negotiating and it's back and forth and it's gonna be a lot, it's gonna go a lot better versus them just being told, but be careful who you allow that coach, that's that team, you may have invited a horrible influence into their life, but it's a good thing, know who they are coached by matters who they are taught by matters and I'm kind of biased about being at Corbin University in Salem um where they go to school matters, they're going to become like their teacher. So if they go sit under someone who believes a very different ethic, don't be surprised when they graduate and ditch everything that you taught them. So that's a big deal. Um and what you, how you do this now, I mentioned earlier how we're losing girls, remember what, what it was social media in comparison. We're losing boys in a different area. Here's the list from different research, porn, excessive video game play And absent fathers of the top three porn, excessive video game playing absent fathers. Richard Richard, Is that Richard Zimbardo dr Zimbardo, he came up with in his recent studies on this and I added these three other ones that are actually really important to think about, We have a skill lys group of kids growing up, you get a flat tire on the side of the road, you better know how to fix it. Call electrician to change an outlet, really learn how to fix it was a great Youtube channel. Some dad is making all these videos on how to do basic things like we should know how to do that. It's like if you didn't have a dad watch these, but they're so great and we've, I fix everything. I can, I love tinkering and fixing and love cars and how stuff and Um, but now it's my daughter, she's 12, so helping her learn how to fix Alice, we do American heritage girls with her and so she's been learning the home repair badge and things like that. So much fun cause man it feels good when you can do it. Remember when I was really sick and I was stuck at home and I tore my motorcycle engine apart in the garage just everywhere and then I put it back together. What's the best thing besides not the best thing is when you have extra parts left over. But the best thing is when you started up that first time I did that when we had wiring problems in our house that actually almost burned it down and I was able to go to the breaker and figure it out and figure it out. And it was horrifying what was about to happen. I love that we have a skill us, we have an irresponsible society. They opened a chick fil a and Salem I can't even eat there. But um they opened it up, they hired 150 employees and my son was gonna apply and his, one of his other Boy Scout friends already got in and I was like, oh and then they said no, they already had their 150 I said I'll give it two weeks what happened two weeks later, half the staff's already quit. Why? Because they actually have to work. Really, I don't get paid just to be on your roster. Like, so it's scary what's happening and social media, I mean, I don't know what to say. Social media should be an absolute no. And how do you, what do you do with that? What do you do once that they already have it? That's a hard one. Really, really difficult. I watched, I love watching my older son watch their friends and their phones and their relationship with their phones and go, I don't want anything to do with social media. That was actually been the easier one. Our Middle one is gonna be another whole case. We named him blaze and he's got bread hair and he's psycho and he's gonna be another whole experiment careful. You name your kids too. Um, excessive video game play is also, it's not video games, having your house void. The video games isn't gonna save your kid. But it's my relationship with that, that thing, there's a study that showed that if a 15 year old 15 to, I think it was 30 in that what 15 years, the amount of time a boy spends on video games, they could have mastered an art, but it became a cellist at the highest level, became an artist at the highest level. The amount of time is horrifying. I have a really hard time not getting sarcastic, that's our spiritual gift in our family. When my son goes, I finally won and I finally got this and this and this on the game. I'm just like you do, I had to really have a hard time not being sarcastic because it doesn't build a bridge. That's some of those areas I have to work in learning from last night. But um this is what's happening and this is why this matters. This is why you studying and you preparing yourself? The first book I wrote, I can't say that is the title, it's meant to be a walkthrough of gender and sexuality from a Biblical worldview. Looking at scripture to help you understand what you believe, why? Because half of this stuff you haven't thought about then I can now teach my kids the problem. So I wrote this book, I'm so excited and I was at a homeschool conference and I watched mom after mom walk right past my table and not give me the common day, why they're holding a little one. And in their minds is I'll get to that when they're 15 and I'm like, no, you mothers and fathers of one year olds and two year old and three year olds, you're the one I'm actually wanting this for. So then I get into my session where I speak and then we sell tons of books. But um this is for the one, the when your kids, 123, I would say your parenting is done when they leave the single digits. That's scary to think about the parenting is, you know it, if you don't morph with them, you just get against them and teenage years are very different. They don't have to be a nightmare. Um they definitely can be difficult. So we have a created order, we have a disorder. And what is it that I must do? What do I need to do here? Who is it that I'm innocent called to do called to be in all of my relationships really. But then this plays out very much so in marriage and even in this relationship with my kids is this word surrender? We don't like that word that you're called to give up the right to be right, You're called to be in relationship with people that you may be strongly disagree with and you surrender. You don't quit. It actually turns into this other word. I love this word service. It's serving other people investing in other people. I'm calling you up to something greater to my son, to my daughter, to my best friend and my coworker. You've got a life that you've got and we're in relationship and maybe things aren't working too well. I'm calling you to something greater, which is really, really important. So a question that tends to come up right here in, this is, so then how do I live with people messed up others that have a different worldview. How do I live with people with a different worldview? Well, here's the passage that comes to my mind for us to kind of lean in on. I thought I fixed that says flee the evil desires of youth and pursue righteous righteousness, faith, love and peace along with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart. Don't have anything to do with foolish and stupid arguments. And it says on facebook too, just in case you didn't know that, because you know they produce quarrels and the Lord's servant must not be quarrelsome, but must be kind to everyone able to teach. That's an interesting piece there. What are they supposed to be able to teach? And then it says, not resentful opponents must be gently instructed. We actually are called to actually call people to something better in the hope that God will grant them repentance, not you, that God will grant them repentance, leading them to a knowledge of truth, of the truth and that they will come to their senses. I love the wording of that and escape from the trap of the devil who has taken them captive to do his will. That is our instruction. How do I live with people? It's hard, it's difficult, but I am called to speak carefully gently. But truthfully as we talked about it last night, you kinda have to earn it to with people. It's not something you just have. Therefore as God's chosen people? Holy and dearly loved clothe yourself with these things, compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. This is who we're meant to be now thinking of even as a church, what are we supposed to do? What is the model of church? And you may have seen this before and I just really love this is that we have this model here to be a redemptive voice of we want you to behave first then to believe in christ and then you can come be a part of our fellowship, straighten yourself up first, then you can be a part of our fellowship or what if it was actually this one come be apart and at some point you might come to believe as the holy spirit works in you. But I can't guarantee that that's not what it's about. But you're actually the goal is for you to become, it changes how we do ministry. It changes how we have relationships. It changes everything of how we this isn't about being right, this is about christ and this is about heaven or hell, but not because someone's trans or because someone is gay or because someone is having an affair because someone's sleeping with their girlfriend or boyfriend. So kind of what I wanna focus in on to wrap this up and kind of land, this is looking at a biblical sexual ethic and why it matters that that's kind of title at different ages. So what do we need to, to think about when it comes to kids. You were designed male or female with a purpose. It's interesting how we have to really emphasize that more than ever. Now we need to your, your born male for a reason. I didn't have that planted in me. I didn't, I really, I wrestled. I'm, my dad is a former Nasa physicist who became a missionary. Like he takes these pro, you know, profiles about like personality. He needs zero affirmation from people and zero, I don't know how my wife, my mom and him have made it 50 something years of marriage like he is so not needing you at all And he had the most emotional basket case of a son. I cried everything. My wife laughs at how much I cry whenever. Every time I watch cars at the end, when he goes back and doesn't win and goes and pushes the old guy through. I cry every time. So you're made male or female for a purpose and that purpose as was mentioned even yesterday I became a shrink. This is my 23rd year of being a counselor. Thank God he made me the way I mean he made me, I spent a lot of years hating God for the way he made me and it's so cool to see that God knew exactly what he was doing. I don't like sports, don't have time for sports. Have them have a body for one either. But Um, after my 15th cast in high school, I got into other things. Um, but I've learned to do other things too that I've actually learned that hobbies, you know, my hobby is more work. That's awesome. I get to serve more people. And when I actually gave myself permission for that, I got to serve more people. It's kind of cool. But our kids, this is the time to plant those seeds of being kind to those that are different. We were skiing in, um, who do a few years ago, my sons and I, and we came up to, it was the last day of the season, so it's hot and the snows, it's kind of, you know, at the end, there are people like jumping off the top and with parachutes and doing all sorts of stupid things. But my sons were noticing there's a lot of girls wearing um, sports bras. And so my loud mouth middle son walked up to some girl and was like to some guy and girl, why is she wearing that? Like, oh gosh! And the guy's like, cause she's hot, He's confused which 1? Hot Hot. Hot Hot. So we had to talk. I was like displays first. All shut up. Don't go there. But he was judging. He was like, she shouldn't be wearing that. It's not allowed. I was like, you don't have to say what she wears. Okay. We have some more teaching to do to my sons. Okay. Okay. Then a girl comes flying by topless big girl too. Big girl was that blaze, luckily didn't see this. So he had gone because that would've been hilarious. My older had oldest son. So I just took off after my oldest son got to the bottom of the ski slope, caught up with him and I'm like, and he's just kind of like, I was like, so first time he's like, I was like, how was it? He's like, I'm not gonna answer that question. I've always asked was, who's gonna show my kid porn first, me or him or me or someone else. I'm not gonna open it up and say, hey, let's look. But what that did is it opened up a conversation that we got to talk again. Like I said earlier about her story, why would she do that? Why why what's going on with her? Maybe her relationship with mom or dad or we made it up. We didn't get to ask her. Um, that'd be awkward. But um, it's, it led for for months and months and months of conversation and me realizing I had failed about telling them about, you don't have a say in what someone else does or doesn't wear. You don't, you can't do that. You can't dictate that and we need to be full of grace and how we teach this when they're younger as they, as we prepare them for teens. Stand strong in your beliefs and convictions. This is the hardest season to stand strong on anything social pressure, peer pressure is to fit in somewhere in some crowd even better be an example, be someone that stands out because you stood on something. The irony is that's actually a much better foundation. If you stand on anything that's different than everybody else. The sad thing is just becoming more on just being, um, accepting an affirmative and celebrating and um, be a leader in Biblical living. Have the conversations where when a friend whips out a phone and opens up something that's unacceptable, they're the ones saying, hey guys, we don't do that when someone cracks a joke, there's a person that says, hey, we don't talk like that here and boy, do we need some reining in that? They don't joke around with the gay word. I hated it back when I was a kid, not realizing how much it was, how painful it was back then. We don't go there now be kind the way you are, who you are in relationship really, really matters. Single adults. You need a community period. I believe we would have better marriages if we learn to do single life better in community with other males and females, Both having healthy, appropriate touch and conversations and intimacy and friendship and depth. Not you should go it alone. I used to tell my college students, it makes me sad how many of them would graduate and go get an apartment alone. Now I tell him, ha ha prices are so high, you can't. So, so maybe you'll actually have roommates, which is iron sharpens iron because it's, that's tough. You're meant for community. We have seen that more than ever. The last few years you were meant for community. I have close friends who have died. Obviously not from Covid from other reasons, but Covid did them in older individuals who basically said, I'm not living the way they're telling me to live. I would rather die and be a part of my kids and my grandkids lives. I was like, good for you. I'm proud of you. Which is hard. This is difficult. Have high expectations. I teach a marital premarital counseling class at Corbin. And one of the comments at the end every time is I had these standards for who I was gonna marry and because of your class, I have higher standards. I was like, yes, that's part of my goal. You raise that bar to where it almost seems like it's impossible that God could ever bring someone like that in your life. Not because you're focusing on the physical because you're focusing on their heart who they are. You would never settle for anything less live on mission with a vision. So, so important from those that are those of us that are married, be all in for your partner. They are your calling to love them to protect them to make them the best version of themselves to point them to christ you are to be their biggest champion hurt together. You may not be hurting. My daughter came in my office last night yesterday afternoon in tears because kelly's grandfather passed away a few days ago or a day ago. And she's like, is mom okay? I was like, she's okay now. But when she gets to Georgia around family, she's gonna fall apart. What do I do? I just, I just hugged her. It was so beautiful. But it was like, you love her and you shut up. Nothing. There's no words you need to say because she's like, what do I do? It's all of us. What do I do? Nothing just be just be wife. That last night was like, she's struggling and because they're going together grieve together. You ought to be best friends from too many couples. I hear the husband say they're married to some foreign alien. No, that's gross. By the way, someone you have sex with, you don't know that's disgusting. But that's not okay. This should be the person, you know, at the deepest levels. You know what their dreams are. You know what their passions are. You know, them teach and lead your Children intentionally. That's what this is all about. We have to go there. My wife two weeks ago took Miley out and did passport two purity with her. You know, we kind of have that anti purity culture thing. I love tools like that. Um I did it with my boys and they're both dying. I went and redid it a few weeks ago with my middle son because yeah, I didn't quite land and it was beautiful. It was hours of conversation about girls and about dating and about all this stuff with them committing at the end that I'll tell you when you're ready as a parent, which is kind of the model of it. Our rule of thumb at home is you can start dating when you're a junior or senior in college by the way, not because that's when they're gonna wait too. But it's the expectation. Stop trying to think because of pressure around you that you have to. But if you meet someone we're gonna have to steward that but careful with the pressure And so we our oldest has been more squirrely on that. That's been a fun experiment if you're widowed or single again, community is critical and your life's not over. You have so much to give if you're widowed or single again, you are now in a place of serving the body of christ and serving others in a way that you know, you probably never could before even because you're not as divided, How to serve others, how to be an example. One of the things that I was talking to a client of mine in the 70s. He's a professor and I was like, you know what? I actually wonder if we should change the age where we allow a person to be like a full professor at the university, but also senior pastor of a church and say basically you have to be 60 or 70 or up. I was like, you know what that would change. We've devalued the wisdom of the older generation having a church where we have intergenerational relationships are so critical and so lost at times and so widows and single again, we need you, we need you on the front lines of loving our teens having hard conversations. Part of the reason I even do Boy Scouts is we have a christian troop and it's dads that have been curated since for me that I trust them with my son and they trust me with their son and the single parents, we tell the moms and guess what? You're not invited. It's just dad's, it's under our men's ministry at church and it's dad's mentoring sons. And we get to partner with single moms and say I get to take your son and have these adventures and teach them love that We need that Number one priority. Here is the long game. And I mean biblically to the foundation is to scripture as we talked about today. Know your theology and beliefs live ordered thriving community, be an example and be patient. What is the long game? Your son or daughter might not get it Now the person you love your best friend may not get it now. You're not the holy spirit and you live life with them and you hurt with them and you're there and what happens is their life will fall apart. Promise just like yours probably has as well and then you're there, you're available. It's just so, so important live the long game there. It's gonna be tough. It's gonna be hard. You wanna give up that live that long game. By the way, the long game is Biblical love loving someone by saying it's just acceptance is the cheapest, most frail foundation you can ever stand on. That is not love. Biblical love is actually full of limits and full of calling to and dying too. And it's it's difficult marrying well is the phrase I love to use because you very well you have someone that's your best friend and that you allow them. You invite them to speak in your life. I don't like it when my wife corrects me. My first thought is defensive because I'm human. My second thought is I'm so glad she feels safe enough to come to me. That's so glad because that's the test. You don't know sometimes what kind of environment you created or who you are until some someone won't come to you when you find out later Romans 1 24-32. Therefore God gave them over in their sinful desires of their hearts to sexual impurity for the degrading of their bodies with one another. I don't like that first part gave them over. Stop it. God will you just be my puppeteer and make me obey? And he's like, nope, I love you so much. You choose. Oh I hate that because as parents sometimes we want to do that with our kids we want to control. No, that's not gonna turn out too well. They exchanged the truth about God for a lie and worshiped and served created things rather than the creator. It was forever praised. Amen because of this. God gave them over to shameful lusts. Although they know God's righteous decree that those who do these are such things deserve death. They not only continue to do these very things but also approve of those who practice them. So what we're seeing in our culture and what we're seeing our families who approve of stuff in an attempt to love, I get the heart behind it. It's wrong. That's not love holding to a standard. But even being silent is better than than some of the stuff that I've seen from families where they believe they're supposed to clothe themselves in rainbows to be loving or be okay with the boyfriend and girlfriend sleeping over and that's their version of a long game. Like no keep strong and hard fast on those standards. Um because people of faith who are navigating generating issues are our people. This is our sons and our daughters. Our brothers and sisters and our friends who they're struggling play that long game, engage in difficult relationship. This is what we're meant to do. This is what the church is meant to do. One of the things that bugs me about church, but also about counselors is you have office hours. So when I look at the community over here church and look at the community over here, if you think of Rosaria butterfield, any of her writing incredible story. Most of her friends when she came to christ and others, they all went back to to the other the other culture. Why? Because of that office hours thing Josiah talks about when she was three a.m. If you struggled, you knew which house to go to. You get a hot meal and a bed because they were such community that I think it puts church to shame. Church shouldn't be a place of office hours. Do we need boundaries? You know, especially those in ministry. Yeah, that's really important. But it's ministry isn't office hours. Ministry is really, really tough. I hate when I hear young, especially young youth pastors like man, my youth ministry is going great. And I'm like, then you are not safe because if you were doing youth ministry, you would know so much muck about your kids, you'd be hurting so much. I want to quit. That's youth ministry and you go back and you do it again because you love these kids. But for a lot of people in youth Ministry, they don't know their kids because they don't trust you. Same for us as parents. At times we need to initiate these conversations. They may not come to us actually, most likely they won't come to us. We need to initiate again with our family. We talk about this all the time. Um, lately, the other conversation has been about marijuana and that book Tell Your Children by Berenson just having that conversation. Why is the door that once it's opened, it works. Why wouldn't you do it? So we need to talk to what the boundaries should be. Um alcohol money, there's so many areas. So my my labor of love has been this over the last few years. Um, I work at Regent University as well and do chair of dissertations and it's been really neat. I when I did my dissertation, I had a brand new baby born right at the very end of that. And I remember looking at that going, you're supposed to go publish and I won't be a dad or publish. I want to be a dad. So about 15 years later when I finally did this at a different season of life and that was my, my journey there because I wanted to be a dad that was actually present with my kids. Um again, the first ones for moms and dads. The second one, I've actually had a lot of families that do it as a as a family. And like almost like a bible study at night And it walks through scripture helps you think? My favorite review of that second was an 18 year old who said thank you for giving me like in a sense, the data to think about in scripture, but you didn't tell me what to believe. That's so, so important. We're leading you up to it. The Holy Spirit does the work, God does the work not us in that sense, but we have to take those steps. And so the um QR code there, that is again, they're gonna be linked to the power point here and then um also videos and stuff for this. But anything I can do for you, that's my heart is this kind of stuff and helping families. Um let me pray for wrap up here. Thank you so much that you called us to be in the position that we're in, whether it's in ministry, whether it's in um as a mom or a dad, as a brother or sister friend to someone in need, which is all of us got to just help us do that. Well, help us think through some of the stuff that we talked about today, um, to really choose to lean on your word, what you're telling us to do, what you're calling us to do is men and women that love you Lord for us not to be other people's Holy spirit, but to draw people to to you to the cross to to repentance. But do that in relationship. God, thank you for each person here and the influences they have, the others that are not even here, that will be impacted by how they live and the choices they make. Um and how they talk and I just I think you it's also kind of scary to think about that, how others are always watching. Maybe may we reflect you Lord maybe reflect your heart, maybe be redemptive people that draw again others to you. Thank you for this time as we continue on today and look into um the age appropriate stuff even later today and I just I just pray for an equipping today that um extends literally generations in jesus name. We pray Amen. Yeah, I can only speak for myself, but I came in a little like and dr Gilbert, once you start speaking, I was like ready to learn, there was something about the way that you presented that I felt like everything there was just I could receive it. So thank you so much. That was amazing.
Thank you for tuning in to the HealingLives with Corey Gilbert podcast. It has been an honor to serve if you are struggling have questions or in need Dr Gilbert offers a free consultation for new clients. Check us out at Healinglives.com to book a call. If this has been helpful to you, please share it, leave a review and help us get the word out so that we can see lives changed marriage is transformed and more people come into our life changing relationship with Jesus Christ. The HealingLives Center offers online courses, programs, books intensive and other services to help you live biblically and well, discover more resources on Youtube and Dr Gilbert's Healing Marriage Facebook group, The Healing Marriage.
Episode 295 - Session 3 Age Appropriate Conversations - OCEAN Homeschool Conference, Albany, OR - June 2022
Episode 295's video link: https://youtu.be/-1gIvvaeUmY
https://www.oceanetwork.org/
Welcome to healing Lives with Cory Gilbert, a podcast sponsored by the healing Lives center, discover how to love and lead your family well and biblically God created sex marriage and the family for our stewardship growth and benefit my heart and passion is to teach, train educate and disciple christians that want straw long marriages and families. The healing Life center has been serving christians since the year 2000. Its mission is to be a center for sex, trauma and marriage education and transformation where we offer counseling, coaching courses and speaking services to you, your church or ministry. Check us out at Healing lives dot com moms and dads, this is for you. This is a recording of a session I did at the home school conference in june 2022 in Albany Oregon, the ocean homeschool conference and this is session three age appropriate conversations. Alright welcome, welcome. So this session a little different than what we've done before today um the agent conversation we're gonna really literally focus on birth to 56 to 10, what do we talk about how and some of those kind of things so hopefully a very practical application QR code years to access the handouts that'll be later, they're not on there right now and then the record the video recording as well and some other stuff as I continue to do that. So welcome, welcome now, let me start with the story, these are my two boys of years ago Alex and blaze. Um most of us when we, when we go somewhere we tend to have an expectation about what's going to happen at a location. So I love to go skiing, this is who do one of our favorite places to go. It's the last day of the season. Um People were doing some crazy stuff, There's a few up top jumping off with hang gliders and doing some crazy stuff. People wearing um interesting clothes and outfits. Well there was a number of girls wearing um sports bras and my son was like, they're supposed to be wearing those, it's like wear whatever they want business, little kid. Um And so then he went up to one of the guys and said why is she wearing that? Because he's got no filter and he said because she's hot, he's like, so which one is it hot temperature or Anyway, so we went on the day or continued today and then all of a sudden down comes the girls topless, I'm like, oh great, this is gonna be fun, luckily Blaze was nowhere to be found. He did not see this because he would have had a heyday with that one. Instead it was Alex. So I chased after Alex and I get to the bottom of the slope and there's Alex just wide eyed because this was not a small young, small young lady, old lady was not a young lady um she was quite large and she had flown right past him so that I passed her back to him and it's like, so the first time he's like, yes, like how did you like it? I'm not gonna say that cancer. That just totally embarrassed just a horrible moment. He's just shocked. It's not what you expect if you think of what we do as parents, everything we're trying to do is trying to protect them from certain things. Did not expect to go skiing, that they have to have these conversations and what we're gonna see today is actually most everything that's gonna happen is gonna be almost happen outside of our purview or our ability to control, which is why we must be earlier rather than late. A lot of times what I'm seeing is most often we're airing on the side of too late. Even to this point to the point of that our Children will believe almost whatever they hear first. It's just scary to think about. So a number of years ago actually, it was two years ago, California mandated that all kindergartens have to teach all 15 genders. I'm not sure where they got 15 from because Facebook has 75-90 something and they're in California. So they haven't talked. I don't know if they haven't caught up yet, but parents are freaking out because if you live there, you kind of have to have six jobs to live. So you can't have a stay at home mom very easily or dad. So what do you do and then here's what I hear from parents? Well my child is too young for me to teach them but I'm gonna send them to school and they are so not too young for them, them whoever them is but they are too young to know. We need to reverse that. We need to be the ones if they're walking into that school or in that any situation we have prepared them um for what's what's next, Our experience influences our parenting, all of our experiences, do everything that we've been through for some of us, the reason why we actually homeschool, homeschool because of something that happened to us, things that actually harmed us and if we don't deal with those things we actually tend to pass that on in other ways of either over protection or other um setups that actually hurt that child as well. So we're literally today gonna talk through, what does God say about you and what does God say about others in the boundaries. Kind of looking at you and others in terms of these age appropriate conversations. Now I know some of you may not like movies may not like um you enjoy, I love movies, I love going to the movies, I love tv shows and you can't watch one nowadays, something it's really frustrating, so either inappropriate or something just downright wrong and almost everything and you have to make a decision as a family. So what do I do with that? How do I navigate that? I can either avoid it all all completely or there's lots of conversations that after we had the first time that we were watching The Voice. I love that tv show and these two kids get up to sing together and it was a guy and a girl except there were twin girls and one had transitioned and my son's like what we pause and have a conversation. Well, a number of years ago I took my kids to see this movie ready player one great movie. Really interesting movie. Um I have a I think it was like a 10 year old, eight year old and a six year old something around that age range two boys and a girl, like kids were watching this movie set in the future and basically people escape the crazy world they live in through VR so not too far away now where there another lovely Oculus, but there's this one scene that came in came on there that it's just like uncomfortable wasn't bad, but I'm uncomfortable as a dad sitting next to my two sons and my daughter. So after this was over, we get home, I asked them so separately, tell me about what you liked about this movie. And so this was the scene here is when she was there in the VR Personas and she's dressed in this really tight form dress really pretty well. My oldest son, he was just uncomfortable kind of like me. He was very aware that um and this is not, I'm not sure what to do with this, no place to put this in my head. Um My other son, there's a VR suits that they wear actually do pressure points on the body. So if you get hit somewhere you feel it in your body. So he just loved the scene with the guy kicked in the crotch and he got hurt through the R. And he just looked so funny. Just that was his, that's all he could think about. But my daughter was like, oh, what a beautiful dress. She just thought that was such a pretty dress. And to see all three of our kids are going to face these questions and these things at different ages when we talk as a family about these topics, we actually, we have a tend to have a room full of different age groups. You can't, you could, I guess if you have all sorts of time, segregate out, we're gonna talk to this age group here in the States group, then you have to keep notes by the way, records like a committee to know which kid if you talk to. What about No, we don't do that. What we do is we actually have conversations and the older kids tend to be the focus and the younger ones are kind of, there kind of like, even for today, when they're younger and they don't understand what's going on. They tend to just not understand what's going on. Like I really, we air on the other side, we're on the side of protecting them from versus preparing because when they're ready, they'll finally have a file folder to stick that information and it's like, it just kind of sits there waiting and they're not ready when I deal with kids who've been been sexually abused and I'm talking to the parents usually at this point it's preparing them for when their brain finally catches up to what actually happened to them physically. And when they finally come to an awareness, it's like, oh that's what that was. Oh, and then there's a 22 pathways, one of just going downhill introversion or acting out like crazy. It's like, it'd be nice to find either one of those and find a third alternative to what's gonna potentially happen. And so when we have these kinds of things, you and I all, we're all trying to navigate and decide what's the right thing I should do and what's, what's the wrong thing there, You can talk to our kids, you can talk to kelly and I so many examples where I can tell you, I probably do that different. We could all probably commit straight on the things that we would say, I would do different. But one thing I would say is critical is for you and I to see that a key responsibility is sex ed for our kids. It's way more than just sex ed is the whole idea of who you are, how you were made, how God made you the stuff we talked about earlier today. What does this include? This is what I why I wrote this. I can't say that book is really focusing on this is our responsibility. We need to learn about basic human sexuality, just how do things work. And most of us never learn this stuff I never did. And I got into this as I saw client after client not knowing what to do. And so I just kept studying and studying and studying and learning, saying for trauma, I don't have a history of trauma, became a passion because of so many clients with so much pain. And I'm going, I've got to learn to help and digging in and you each have your different areas of gifting and interest, but how can we come together as well and raise great Children. That actually key as an adult love the Lord in terms of who they are, we need to become a confident parent. But how do we do that is through knowledge is learning, we need to learn. So this, I can't say that book is actually about that. How do I as a parent know what I believe and then how do I then teach that age appropriate level, you know, a theology of Sex brain and sex brain and love theology of marriage, one of my favorite chapters in the book. My wife wanted me to delete. Um she was my editor is the one on the brain on sex and the brain of love. It's all these neuro, the neuroscience stuff, all the neurotransmitters and the hormones and it's like all of nerdy. Um and what does it show? It shows a beautiful design by incredible creator. That's what I love about that, why we do what we do is for a reason and because of the design when we understand it, it's like, oh, that makes sense why we do that example. Um we tend to say men are pigs when it comes to dating our affairs like acting out well yeah, more men in the past long time in the past would have affairs and less women accept who they were, they having it with another whole subject until the Industrial revolution happened as the woman left the farmhouse and she started going out to the workforce. The adultery rates for the wives increased as well. The truth is, we're all a mess. You need to be careful with some of these stereotypes even use um I have clients who have, he's had the affairs of clients where she has like it's an equal opportunity employer here. We need to understand how were made and then a belief system and that's a really important thing now for you and I and the point of this is either I do or someone else does you've got to make that decision. What I am seeing in my practice is the decision has been made. I'm gonna let the school, I'm gonna let the internet, I'm gonna let porn, I'm gonna let friends, I'm gonna let everyone else go there because my kids not a teenager yet, Like actually when your kid turns 11 or 12, we're pretty much done parenting. If you didn't know that In the way that you think of parenting. If you don't pivot at that 11 or 12 age you're now fighting against basically current. Sometimes if you don't change the way you approach them because you're releasing them little by little and they know it all. If you didn't know that they know it all. So you have to prepare them for that stage. And so when you prepare them it's in the single digits, it's gonna be when they're younger. So let's look through these these ages. So what does God say about you and I'm going to put this into two categories you and others. Um here, so birth to five, we're gonna kind of use that as the first category two of our kiddos. We like to cover the blood in the beginning. What do we talk to our kids about? They need to understand basic Anatomy. Basic Anatomy. And here's the piece without basic anatomy correct body part vocabulary. Why is this important? It's more important for later when there's trauma and the vocabulary has been taught, it's much easier to cut as much as understood when there's not the vocabulary, they're so much more gets actually missed as an adult because we don't understand what they're saying. My daughter one time was saying, my bottom hurts, my bottom hurts, my bottom hurts holding her front. She didn't have a word for it. And then my wife goes, why didn't know what to call it? It's a Volvo, you say vagina, but that's the inside. We need to know what to call it. And we get embarrassed by these words and said, no, we need to teach them at one and two. This is how you're made. This is a beautiful part of how you're made. And then there are boundaries around that. This is an interesting one. Be sure not to stereotype what is boy or girl but emphasized they are a boy or girl. A lot of our young people are growing up going, there's something broken with me because I'm not doing what other boys do or other girls do or because I like this, there's something wrong with me and because our culture is so good. It's saying then therefore you must be something you're not because there's no one, no man is trans, transition to a woman and no woman has transitioned to man that's impossible. Um, we don't, we aren't, we are a male or female by birth that can have very different ways to express who we are and how we live that out and that they were loved by God and their family. These are the key kind of foundations about them that we actually start with, Not when they're 6, 7, 8. This is the beginning now in that birth to five, what are some other key parts of this about others, recognizing that others and their bodies are different. You're gonna start helping them notice that you're gonna use shows and movies use friends, you're gonna use each other, but how, how to recognize that there's a difference there and then begin teaching of appropriate touch towards and from others. This is when the seeds are planted on this before age five. Why at 87 by age seven, they're full identity is in place, the full personality is replaced, which is crazy to think about by age seven. This is mark. This season is marked by curiosity and exploration, curiosity, exploration. This is what this is about. They're not broken when they're curious and exploring yet. I feel like what we do is we tend to think that interactions trying to correct them when it's like, no, they're being to there being four, there being five, so understanding what's even normal and appropriate. So this is just the beginning. This is the one I feel like you miss a lot, but the next one is where I feel like you missed the most. So this is that window where you're building a foundation as a mom and dad, as a leader as a parent for what needs to happen in 6-10. This is probably the most important category or space or time frame and in your child's development. So what happens here? More descriptive anatomy? You're upping the game about what kind of the way we talk about bodies understand the body. Um, we had a conversation recently where we're talking about, um, was it, um, circumcision, circumcision, circumcision. And so it was actually fun, pull out the anatomy book and here's what it is. You know, we didn't disrobe. We didn't do anything inappropriate. We used resources we have and talk through what is it why? And then talk about, hey, there's a debate about it and on and on and on. Your planting seeds. Some of you can probably give more data than others about what you've researched to learn about some of these things, depending on your field of expertise or passions or interests. This is a season where we're actually really gonna be talking about sexual identity and was noticed we aren't even an adolescent yet. We are not an adolescent ship. We're talking here about a foundation. We hear from young people at a time. I've always felt different since I was single digits. That's a very normal part of see people's story. Okay, so we need to go back there and talk about. So what is it that came out there And what we're really seeing is a lot of our struggle and sexual identity and Jordan Peterson recently really said it? Well, he said it's personality. We need to stop calling it, what they're calling it or what the culture is calling it, Its personality. I am a love, I crochet, cross stitch. I love music. I have a bachelor's of music, I'm very much that artsy kind of world and in the end I'm still the guy, I'm still the guy just like a woman who loves to hunt and loves to fish and loves to mud and love all that kind of stuff isn't because she likes that. Maybe she's in the wrong body. We need to be really careful because our culture is pushing something that is downright harmful. So how do we engage in that? We have to catch this earlier? We need to go into this other really, really hard conversation at this age. The N word, We need to talk about masturbation and how we actually talk about it really is important. If it's this is bad, this is simple. You're going to hell, I promise you, your kid will suffer, suffer in silence and they will not talk to you versus it. Being a conversation. I actually asked my sons about what their masturbation practices every few weeks or so. Do they answer me no, they did when they were younger, but what do they tell, what do I do by asking the question, It actually moves it out of their unconscious to the conscious and they have to decide, do I take my thoughts captive? Do I steward this or I just do something passively as a habit, it gives them a chance to steward something that really just tends to fly under the radar by asking these questions. You need a theology of this as part of what I have in my book, is both of them, Is this how do I talk through this? Really? How? It's a controversially tense topic. When I started teaching in Georgia, I had um the counselor was on stage doing Q and A the students, I'm like second year teacher and the question of masturbation came up and the counselor actually said this from stage in front of 1000 students, Oh ask dr Gilbert about that, he's an expert at that. So I had a lot of students going backward, which you're an expert in. Thanks. That's really embarrassing way. I think I was 30 actually 30 31. So it's like, wow, this is really not good. We need to know how to talk through this. And one of the kind of a simple summary of the way I talk through this is we need to stop, just say, hey, this is sin, stock your hand, move on, we need to help you Stuart what's happening in your head heart and the fantasy and when I engage in this practice and I actually growing closer to who I'm fantasizing about getting further away and when I start consciously thinking about this, I'm getting further away and now I have a choice. Do I want to get closer to this person or further away? And now I actually have the choice and I tend to hear from most of the guys and girls I talked to actually don't want to do it as much anymore. Like I actually, in stewarding now have choice now where it felt like it was some beast within that couldn't couldn't control. That's because it was in the unconscious and I just had it. And a lot of what's happening for us is just having the same for even pornography. This is a stage of talking about dignity and modesty. You each of your families are gonna outline what does that mean for your son or your daughter, how you dress and how you present yourself? My daughter gotta pack a whole bunch of hand me down clothes at one point and my wife pulls out this sports bra and she's like, so is this gonna be what what's the rule or a home and underclothes only or she can wear this around the house, which is fine when they're little. We're also planting seeds as they grow up. And so my comment was that under clothes and it becomes we set the tone. So do you, I feel like we don't tend to do it thoughtfully. We just kind of let it happen, but this is that stage prior to the fight later on about whether something is inappropriate or not. You're, you're planning seeds as to what our home expects if you will. And then it's a dialogue as they get older, especially past this age. Um, this is a time of negotiating back and forth as they have their own personality and opinion and you're wanting to relate to them. You have the veto card as a parent. But how do I draw them to their own? Um, not to believe what you believe exactly, but to think through what they're doing pornography, The average age that a kid sees porn is in the single digits. We don't wait til they're 10, 11, 12 to start talking about this. Now, many of our families, maybe that's not the case because of the way we've set up media at home or access to stuff. Great. It's gonna happen at some someplace. And actually most of the time it's somewhere outside the, the tight rained web of control that you've created as a parent, It's sitting in the hallway at youth group at church or at the pastor's house or somewhere. You never would have guessed that somebody pulls out a device and start looking at something and you need to have helped them think through that when that happens, their immediate response is, hey, we don't do that. It's not curiosity. It's not intensity, curiosity apparently discussed in the first time for many boys and girls, but then curiosity tends to trumpet help them see that no, we don't treat people that way. We have a boundary. Why you've already prepped them Talking through. This is something that is a misuse of people. Now, one of the places we're going in our culture with this is, I don't know if you've heard of ethically sourced pornography. So welcome to, I guess it's like free range chickens. I don't know. So it's not people who have been trafficked or abused or, but this is scary trying to normalize what even secular culture is saying. You know what, this is a health hazard. This is a bad thing for our world. Even secular researchers are saying this is a bad idea as they just keep getting pushed more and more and more and more. It's just normalized even and among our kids in the circle of friends that they have in ours, all of our kids, some of those kids because of where they have or haven't had these conversations. It's very much either normal if not pushed. So that's something we have to be preparing them for to think through to steward, even though we would really wish to say they're not old enough, they're not, you're not, we shouldn't have to deal with this, but it's the world we live in. So we need to prep them. Another one is periods and what dreams prep. It blows our mind. The amount of women I've talked to who they thought they were dying. No young lady should come to that age and think they're dying. They should have had conversations to know what's coming next, how my wife's in the bathroom on her period and my daughter is going, what is she doing? And my son is standing right there and it's, well, she's having her period and that's explaining what it's what happens and why and God's design and they go, they go through, they have the reactions, but it becomes something that's just a normal part, not an assault on myself. Whereas I've heard from so many. I literally found myself somewhere thinking I'm dying. That's not okay. Wet dreams. The young young men need to know what this is and have been explained and talked through it and helping normalize that. So they're prepared for what's going to happen. And they're also not messed up with that gender. You are a boy or a girl doesn't matter how many of you under your onesie doesn't mean your onesie. It doesn't matter if you want to dress a certain way. It doesn't matter what you wanna do. I love putting on my grandmother's house, the high heels and all that stuff with my million female cousins that whatever they did to dress me up as a little kid. That doesn't mean you're not a boy or a girl means you're playing a game. So be careful. But yet what I see is these families who have changed the decor of their home and their kids bedroom bought new clothes, bought toys and it's like that kid didn't have a job, mom and dad did that and they cater to something that's a lie. And now we got even a bigger problem we had before to be really careful to guide and lead them even though it sounds and feels unloving. We need to talk to each of our sons and daughters and how you are fearfully wonderfully made and how you live that out. It's gonna be different than maybe someone else because we're constantly comparison comparing. We begin this stage talking about sexual reproduction as well, how late out there, there's actually a box set and I'll have a link on my blog and my blog got messed up. So to redo it, but there's a box set of what we have, the books we had on our shelf, age appropriate kind of little picture book. It's a great set where the kids who just pulled off the shelf, start talking about it. Really, really good. And sometimes we would go find the book and pull up, pull off the shelf and talk to our kids. Remember the first time Alex came up asked a question, we pulled the book out actually, kelly said Corey Help and we pulled the book out, read it and he's like, okay, off the plane, like, but then the next time he asked the same question and he's like, oh like it's like it finally landed, you're, you're wanting to be ahead of that curve, not behind that curve where he said maybe asking questions where you shouldn't or google or Alexa or somewhere else. Um and the important thing about this stage is personality of sevens don't have age seven who they are and here's the even creepier thing. What is going to change that personality after the age of seven? Drama, trauma careful what you pray for and actually sometimes that is what we need to pray for. We need to pray for our son or daughter. Be broken to get it. I'd rather than break here to come to christ than to live a life apart from you. So it's like we should be careful what you pray for but be intentional by, by seven years old. Some parents are still trying to find sleep like it's an elusive thing and they're trying to, it's just survival, which is why we need one another. We need our churches, we need family relationships. We're not supposed to do this alone now the same stage. What about others? We need to be planting the seeds at this stage. What this whole boyfriend girlfriend thing is. What are your rules? What is your parameters for this when our kids were that young? Our conversation was you could start dating when you're a junior or senior in college at that age, they're like whatever. They don't know what that even means. And then our oldest gets 12, 13. He starts liking girls. And it's like okay, passport purity. What did that actually at nine did that with him. And we have these conversations and then he starts being interested in girls. And so how do you handle that? Well he knows it's not a rule but you can't it's careful expecting you have to and then when you do start actually being serious with someone and we're all going to differ on what that age should be. What's next? What are the boundaries? Can you only do? Only spend time at someone's house. You know? Can you go out by yourself when they turn 16 and they can drive what is it? You're planting these seeds? Not at 10, 11, 12, 13, 14 you're doing it and then single digits. So that when you get here you're having less of a battle because we are having for many of us our adolescent years or a battle of the will or because I'm the parent card between careful of. So at this point you need to be planting the seeds of what is our family's expectations of boyfriend girlfriend. That's a note that here the boundaries or this seems to be done. Um I if you have a daughter already ready to have my a r. table and tell the young man. Alright put it back together and see how that goes over. She's 11. So not there yet. Another one that we actually need to talk about the masturbation piece but from the others. What about other people? It's not just a personal thing and we need to externalize this that when you do this yourself, how did this impact? Because I kind of mentioned earlier other people in relationships and so this comes up here on the others because it's a boundary to need to see that my choice actually impacts how I relate to other people. I say I want to get closer to him or her. What I'm doing is actually making me go further and further away my heart. So when I'm aware that I'm more in control if you will trauma and abuse. Another really, really important area we talked about in the beginning an earlier age that we actually prepped in terms of vocabulary. It's for this every time my kids stayed with a babysitter when they left and I would tell my these were students in Georgia, they were students of mine. And so they knew that because I would say this in class that when they left I would ask my sons and daughter about anyone touch you didn't change your diaper? Did anyone at these earlier ages. I wasn't looking for them to tell me the truth. I knew that was far fetched. I was looking for them to change the way they were answering me because then I know something happened one day I came home. We came home and our lovely amazing babysitter was like freaked out. He's like your son, I deleted it already, but your son took my phone and took a picture of his penis. What in the world. So sometimes your kids would just be nuts but intended on that work. Anyway, she deleted the pictures supposedly. Um, that's gonna happen. You wanna prep even like my babysitters, our college students, they knew that I was gonna do that. It wasn't something covert, kind of like the teddy bear cam. It wasn't that they know and we have cameras around our house mainly aimed at screens so I can pull my phone out and check and see what's on the screen in our house. And that's what we've given us freedom to. We're here without our kids, which is kind of nice pornography is another one that also applies. What about others And these stages were preparing for what we also don't want to ever have to happen. I'd love for you never look at pornography. I'd love for you never have trauma. I would love for you to never be abused. But the reality is that many will we want to prepare them to not freeze. Fight flight is great. We don't want freeze. So we want to be able to prepare them by teaching some of these skills, which is really important When it comes to pornography. We Wanna teach about where, where this stuff is coming from and the human trafficking and things like that. Oh, they're too young. No, they're not when at this age they start connecting the little boys and little girls just like me gets Dolan off the I-5 corridor right here from parking lots along this. They start seeing the world a little different. You're not there to scare them and you be careful. Every kid's got a different sensitivity level. But helping them see that this is a world that we need to be smart to be wise to do things in twos to be in groups to be careful with that. How do I be a friend? What does that look like? This is again that stage where they're learning and they're, they're relating who first to mom and dad, who else siblings. And then it goes, it gets the circle gets bigger and bigger. We moved here to Oregon from Georgia. We realized like our kids, their whole world was that one little house in Georgia that we lived in. It's kind of neat and weird to think about their whole world was that house church, but they were so little. There's not much else that they did and to see that they not only drove across country, which we've done tons of times since, but their world was expanding and that's what we want. We want the world to expand. We want more control over it probably than um, than not. But another really important part of this section is they are under authority. This is so critical that these young men and young women actually really call them boys and girls that are rioting and throwing chairs through windows in Portland and Seattle places. They need spankings first of all, but they need parenting. What's missing is no, we don't do that basic stuff that shows where we have failed culturally where we can go, hey, we can really do a really good job of this. Um that they are under authority. All authority, how they treat a police officer, any anyone, their teachers, even a teacher, They disagree with how they treat authority And then it starts at home mom and dad that's a biblical mandate. This um stage is marked by experimentation and pushing of boundaries yet. We haven't even gotten down to lessons yet. So think about that. Those that have raised kids know very much what I'm talking about. Many of us, my mom and dad, we wouldn't even have these talks until after these ages. This is this ain't Kansas no more. It is time to really be intentional and prepare and protect, prepare them for what they're gonna face sometimes right around the corner. I've talked to young women who in their own parents house. Um, around the corner from mom and dad as in feet around the corner they were assaulted by your neighbor friend. This isn't they went to some far off place or was it some scary dark dark alley. It was right there in front of, around the corner from someone who thought they were, you can't be all eyes all there all the time protecting them. So at a young age we want to prepare them to be to make decisions, to make judgment calls even though in the end we would say, oh they're not ready. I agree yet. It's kind of funny to watch how they actually do step up and they do, which is really cool. Now we get into age 11-17. So now this is when we actually might start maybe thinking of considering having the talk uh and your kid goes so long and what do you want? What do you want to know? They're ready to tell us about sexting. We haven't heard of that before. Or mom, have you seen Tiktok and they're completely addicted to all sorts of crazy stuff and we're clueless if we haven't been monitoring those things and trying to stay on top of what our kids are facing. When I wrote this book to I I put micro conversations through the whole thing. I love that phrase and then I realized later a lot of them are conversations, There are many lectures so careful to not expect a dialogue. A lot of parents I talked to. This is why I kind of came to my mind was they they say well I try to engage and they would engage. Don't let that stop you. You telling them the truth or teaching them something. And they have zero response doesn't mean it didn't land. So plant the seeds, plant the seeds, have those little mini lecture conversations. If they talk, that's a bonus. Most of our kids when something goes wrong, they're probably not going to talk to us if yours is a kid that came to you and expressed someone touched me or someone did this, your anomaly. That's not normal that the kid goes and tells mom or dad. So be thankful for that. We need to prepare them to go talk to someone. Um, they might find they have a better relationship with their youth pastor or their small group leader in the youth group or their coach and you want to be able to curate and know who those people are when our, one of our sons at one point fessed up to having seen pornography. Um, he did it in a small group of church and what does most of his small group leader do, he said, so are you gonna tell them or am I? And it went up to change their, the youth pastor and the youth pastor to us. And he already told us. Um, but it was awesome. We're like, thank you those, thank you, thank you for loving our son enough to not just go, okay, this is private. Now we're gonna keep it, which is what I'm hearing from so many groups. Youth groups Now this age right here 11-17, this is the age you want to hang on for dear life. It shouldn't be. This is a young adult in a sense. But then five minutes later they're crying too. So it's kind of this maybe it's just bipolar, I don't know, were all diagnosed bipolar in this stage. Um, there's a really good book that talks about this stage of being the age of opportunity trip, maybe not such a great concept. This should be the time when you're building a relationship with them and helping them expand their tools and their experiences and their their set of skills and what they can do. This is a time of identity, but it's not just the sexual part. Who am I? How do I dress? How do I present myself? How tough am I? How sweet am I? How strong am I? How you name it? These are different struggles that our our teens are struggling with and trying to figure out that they are fearfully and wonderfully made to understand the bible and what it says and then how that applies to God did not make a mistake and put you in the wrong body at all. So what you gonna do with that very different message than what he's what he or she has been given elsewhere. That as a body, your body is a temple, as a believer. Every sin you commit is outside your body. You know what I just said? You're not a mistake. You're not trapped in their own body, but you have a personality. This is how God made you. What are you gonna do with that? And I feel like especially the last two years, there's so many young people who have no clue. I didn't take the next step because stuff has been stolen from them, ripped from them, taken from them more. I believe the pandemic is starting now. It's mental health, shake some bias there, look at the data, it's terrifying suicide. The amount of a s that never should have shut down because it was a choice between I'm going to die of Covid, I'm gonna die of my addiction and they died of their addiction. Like this is what's happened. We know that. How are we gonna fix that? It starts a lot with our home, but also then prepping our kids to maybe sometimes be the person someone else leans on, especially in this stage of life, which is really difficult. And we're continuing to develop that understanding of sexual reproduction. What does it mean when we talk about sex, it's all fun and games in a lot of the way it's sold and talked about every bit of it. It's all fun. It's like, no, sex is meant to make a baby every time by the way, every time we have intercourse. Now, thank goodness. It doesn't. We have a lot of babies, but the design is so then it blows my mind how many people are scratching their heads. I don't know how he got pregnant. So we need to be able to talk about this the way that the number one thing that comes out of this is a baby design but other benefits is it's supposed to be a fun time, supposed to be a good thing. It's supposed to be a beautiful thing and it has boundaries. It has a context. There's a place for this outside of that. It's actually I brace my heart to think of how many wonder how many kids they have or wonder what is happening. What scares me even more guys and girls, this is not an equal opportunity employer here. What is the most feared STD? Mhm. Hey, this is the first one that comes up is number nine on the list for eight other ones that are worse. Which is like that one cause it's hip and popular. Just kidding babies. Number one is babies. We treat them like they're just some accident. Oops, I have a script, scratch your itch. What's scary is some of those top ones media and things like that have zero symptoms. And when you finally find out when you're trying to have kids when you're married. If you have it more than once and again, this is women, your potential, your potential for being able to have a baby goes into like the 20% and a radical hysterectomy is next. This is not fair. So then I would say, guys, this is on men to step up and be the man and actually never, ever, ever, ever put a woman in that kind of position. Mhm. It's on them. And biblically, that's actually exactly the design of marriage. But the ownership of this is on the men. What actually is the reality? The man pushes and pushes and pushes and who's having to constantly say no and say no and say no. It's horrifying. So how we teach this, what kind of man are you gonna be is really, really critical? How do you refrain from sexual immorality? Does that look like temptation? Hey, that's normal desire. Yeah, that's, that's there no matter what age you are. How do you manage social media? There's a really easy way to manage social media by the way. It's called not having it. Um I used to get Corbin, I would always create a facebook group with our freshmen coming in. It's been actually really cool. The amount of freshmen coming in don't have facebook mainly to mom and dad around there. But um, it's changing. But what's scary is they're moving to probably worse places with Snapchat and Tiktok basically some of the most popular and what's happening. We're losing our kids. Actually, some of you are lost to your relationship with your phone is a little more intimate than your spouse. So just saying, we need to be careful and we're not always the best example of that. So managing social media what you do or don't do what you do and don't post some of you need to stop commenting on other people's stuff because you're just starting a fire and stop it and go play with the kids or something, go do something different. But we have become the example and we need to talk through this with them because at some point you're gonna have to probably let them have something. When is that? Well, here's what I'm seeing. I'm seeing a lot of homeschool families who is boundary boundary boundary there, 18. Alright, leave the house and now it's everything is available. I don't have mom and dad now so I can get a phone. Never had a phone before. Now I can get social media I never had before. Now I get and they're going crash in the brain because everything is fair game. We need to be careful how we navigate this to help them make decisions within our purview. So then we then take away those, they're actually making wise decisions. So how you manage that's really difficult. Who are their idols and who influences them. Really, really important. A lot of it, whether it's a movie star or whether it's a Tiktok performer or a youtuber. Um These these people are important. What do they represent? What are they teaching dating courting further defined boundaries at this point. What does that look like? The session I did before. We talked through kind of a design about? And again we have pornography. This doesn't change. This is something to steward and to understand the effects. And this stage is marked by experimentation and identity Erickson stages of development from psychobabble stuff. This is the stage of identity formation. What it is neat to see that way back when was still identified as that and we're still kind of in the same space although We create adolescence and that goes to what 17, 18, 19 maybe? Or does it go to 30? Like that's even changed where you think of a few generations ago, how many were married at 14 and running the household? And it was normal, It wasn't like an overburdened thing. So we've changed a lot and need to adapt to those changes. And there's some expectations to you probably can expect more out of your 12-13 year old than you realize chores that kind of stuff starts at home. How are you treating others? This is again how how did they live this out? What does the bible say not mom and dad and social media. So getting them back to the bible. What that what it says, deepening their identity? Are you kind respectable, respectful? What is your work ethic is being played out? How do you love and talk to have relationships with men and women who are L. G. B. T. Q. I. Plus something we never even conceived of when we were kids. How do you love? How do you? And love is not endorsed. Love has not become a ally. Love is not um, put a flag in front of your house, Love is not all these things that have become love is saying, I love you so much, I'm calling you to a higher basically level, but here's what scripture says and your life will be way better here, which is really important to be aware of decisions that cannot be unmade, supposedly our prefrontal cortex isn't developed till What age? 25. How many knuckleheaded stuff have we done in high school and college? It's like, that's scary where you go to school matters the kind of parties you do or don't go to matter the kind of relationships you make matter and there are some decisions you can make that you can't unmake and so being able to really intentional curating your life, being careful that and you're helping them do that maintain integrity of your convictions and what God is saying, we need to know God's word. This is really, really critical now today from this, I spent less time on scripture. I did more of that earlier in the two sessions today because today was more of these topics. What do we say, what we talk about? Um this is what we're seeing more of, this is the norm. My wife and I were at a restaurant not too long ago and we looked over and there was six or eight college students and they had a stack of iphones on the end of the table. It's awesome. There was one girl who was orchestrating this. So it shows you can, you can influence your friends when they went to the bathroom, she passed out all the phones because one of them makes a noise and they all look at them and they check their phones and they won. The last person came back from the bathroom that she's given back piled up on the end. Like we need friends like that, that's a leader of and they're leading in the right direction that too many of us are not present. And they've even shown research that your phone, if it's just sitting out in front of you, you're showing you're not present, it's more important than you are put it away. You know, you could also do what my wife doesn't just lose it all the time. But what do we do with this? So we can kind of give you three words and then kind of some list to kind of finish this here. Um put this together a couple years ago thinking about these the, I guess plan that I would want for you for your kids. The first is a vision. If we don't we don't have where we wanna go, it's kind of hard to make decisions today. We just kind of weakened kind of just going halfway and I want to focus in on a vision for growth and maturity. So what are those things that need to be given to our sons and daughters to help them navigate? They will make their decisions. But I want to plant these, It's a biblical picture of masculinity and femininity. What are their spousal standards, sexual boundaries And you know, this is one narrow path, there's lots of other ones. So I'm not talking about how you're gonna manage money or all that other stuff. This is really critical as the area. I spend most of my time in. What does it look like to be a man to be a woman, to be a husband, to be a wife. What do you expect? What are your absolutes? We would not do. And then where do we get this from? And this is where you and I come in as moms and dads, we develop a code at home. What does that? Family code in our home come look like? We need to have rites of passage, significant tasks, logical consequences into trace deposits are home needs to be a place where we actually helped celebrate the milestones that our kids are going through. We're one of the few countries that doesn't have some really serious you are now no longer a boy, you're a man, you're now no longer a girl, you're a woman. I remember being in seminary walking down the hall of the girls dorm. I was an electrician there and you're supposed to yell what man in the hall. And I was like boy on the whole, I didn't even say the word man because I was like, oh, I don't know. There needs to be logical consequences. Some of you are too soft, toughen up. There needs to be some natural consequences. Call the cops maybe, but maybe preferably you handle some things first now just let things happen. There needs to be things that they do. There needs to be actually Grace. Our pastor mentioned recently how we've done a really good job of moving more towards grace. We've also gotten away from obedience and years and years and years ago when he started, it was all about obedience and not a lot of grace pendulum and be careful with that. I don't know why I put this in here, but I thought it was really cool. Your son hates us. We won't let him play football, but we like his brain. So he decided to karate now and he's gonna say, so play in college. We'll see. And then the 3rd 1, cause what does this look like finding a cause to fight for, how are you going to impact or going or we're going to impact others for the better. It's really cool to look at a young person who knows they want to be a doctor, I wanna be this or want to be that. That's such a cool, it's so also cool to see how many don't become that. Um because God has a different plan. My goal was to be a missionary and go back to south America and work in the music and you have to have talent. So I didn't know that. I tried to go that direction. Um and I had passion and I see how God used that to turn corners and take me to the next step. The next step. You need to help your child find that. And it may not be you who's doing a lot of that navigating maybe actually other people you're curating, you're bringing into the fold if you will and you want to be the one that helps do that. Not kind of just whatever happens or whatever group they end up at. Um this also goes for us, Why are you doing what you're doing? Some of you have jobs, you hate some of you have jobs you hate but you love the job because it provides the money to do this stuff you love and you have a good balance there. Some of you just hate your job and your life and everything else. That's a problem. Like you created it. I see couples, it's like we hate each other. It's like great, you created this marriage blame who you, hey, how are we gonna fix this? We need to change our tactics and learn that. I can choose to love you or I can choose not to. That scares me. It scares me, I have that free will I choose to love you or I choose not to. This passage really hit me years ago and just keep coming back to the what is our call and then we're going to raise our sons hours to do teach the older men to be temperate, worthy of respect self control. Likewise teach the older women reverend in the way they live and then they can train the young women to love their husbands and Children and to be self controlled and pure, similarly encourage young men to be self controlled, live self controlled, upright and Godly lives in this present age. I think I sense a theme in that and I need to actually be in control of myself, not others do and I just react or I just am own have take responsibility become the young man, young woman that you choose to be and that's again when you get that vision and you have reasons to actually gets a lot easier to make decisions and to become the man or woman that God calls you to do and I just threw that in there because it's a cool picture now I did this session earlier but this is a created this seminar less sex dating and marriage and it goes through these four areas and it's for this purpose, it's about seven hours long, but it's looking at dating and then looking at questions to ask and things we talked about earlier. But then a picture of, so let me paint a picture of what marriage could be like and when I get that locked in, I actually look at my decisions today and realized I'm settling for playing with play doh versus actually having something amazing. I actually wait. I need to have a reason to and a lot of times we do is try to scare kids with pictures of stds in health class or you might get pregnant. But when you know everything and you're immune to any consequences. Adolescence then doesn't land. But when you develop a vision for yourself, it's funny how my decisions today, I own them And I'm actually a little more protective of that. And this last one, the number one area that we can predict the future marriages outcome, which is scary, John Gottman says with a 94% accuracy is how you handle conflict and they're learning it from us first by the way. So we're the first examples of that and so helping teach them how to engage in debate, engage in conflicts and disagree, but also be respectful and B is a critical skill to help them grow up into the mainland and that they, we want them to be. So the statement again that I'll keep saying either I do or someone else does just actually scary to think about or the weights on us are you gonna make mistakes? We all are actually. We get that out of the way. We can realize that I can choose to make the mistakes and give my kids probably the best gift I can give them. Say I'm sorry and ask ask for forgiveness and be teachable. We don't want to be some parent that seems to have it all together and the kid looks at and goes well, I can't be like them to forget everything. Them and their god, they show fallibility were much more real for them to actually listen to and watch because they are watching 12, that's my son blaze. Thank you very much. Thanks for having.
Thank you for tuning in to the HealingLives with Corey Gilbert podcast. It has been an honor to serve if you're struggling have questions or in need. Dr Gilbert offers a free consultation for new clients. Check us out at healing lives dot com to book a call. If this has been helpful to you, please share it, leave a review and help us get the word out so that we can see lives changed marriage is transformed and more people come into our life changing relationship with Jesus christ. The HealingLives Center offers online courses, programs, books intensive and other services to help you live biblically and well discover more resources on Youtube. And then Dr Gilbert's healing marriage facebook group, the Healing Marriage.
Episode 294 - Session 2 Love Sex Dating and Marriage for Teens - OCEAN Homeschool Conference, Albany, OR - June 2022
Episode 294's video link: https://youtu.be/GMHLnvOL0jQ
https://www.oceanetwork.org/
Episode 293 - Session 1 Framing the Gender & LGBTQIA Conversation - OCEAN Homeschool Conference, Albany, OR - June 2022
Episode 293's video Link: https://youtu.be/o1Fmex7o6fU
Episode 292 - Holy Noticing - An Introduction
Here is the link to order the book "Holy Noticing": https://amzn.to/3BYld6n
Episode 291 - A Conversation with my 12 year old daughter Mylie on Abortion
Youtube link: https://youtu.be/-QaNF9XD0Uw
Episode 290 - A Conversation with my daughter Mylie on AHG - American Heritage Girls
Youtube Link: https://youtu.be/jDGNWE8DF7Q
https://americanheritagegirls.org/
Episode 289 - A Conversation with Dr. Bill Seynard from the Gospel-App on Parenting Teens Well - With Neuroscience, Attachment Theory, and the Gospel
YouTube Link: https://youtu.be/YCDn42V5Ddg
ABOUT:Dr. Bill Senyard is an experienced pastor, discipler, church revitalization specialist, lecturer and conference speaker with over 30 years as a local church pastor. He is the author of twelve books and two on-line experiential paths to help people who struggle with identity, relationships, shame, addiction, loneliness and forgiveness. Want to connect? https://calendly.com/drbillsenyard/connect-with-bill GO TO:https://gospel-app.com/paths/good-enough-parent/ Good Enough Parent (GEP) is a unique on-line evidence-based experiential journey/course designed to help frustrated and beat-up Christian parents of teens and tweens who struggle with feeling that they are just not good enough. It is totally FREE. Participants will get 15 short (10 minute) video tips-- one-a-day for 15 days. Each tip is immersed in the Gospel and enhanced by the latest in neuroscience and attachment theory. There is nothing like it out there.Check it out, www.goodenoughparent.online
Episode 288 - A Conversation with Steven Arms - CoAuthor of "Milestone to Manhood"
YouTube Link: https://youtu.be/KhO6TFtUQ9U
ABOUT:Steven Arms is a co-author of the book Milestone to Manhood: A Christian Rite of Passage to Help Your 13-Year-Old Son Make the Leap from Boyhood to Manhood. Steven shares his firsthand experience of his Rite of Passage weekend, how it shaped him into the man that he is today, and provides other fathers with tools needed to organize a Rite of Passage for their own sons. Steven lives in Portland, Oregon, with his wife, Emily, and is the proud father of two young children.
GO TO:www.milestonetomanhood.com Milestone to Manhood shows how fathers of pre-teen boys can help their sons to successfully make the transition from boyhood to manhood. It is a father’s responsibility to bestow the title of “man” on his son, and the book outlines a once-in-a-lifetime weekend to help a father do so. The weekend involves the other male role models in the son’s life as well, like his grandfather, uncles, and older brothers, who all participate in order to make it clear to the boy that he is now considered to be a man. This coming-of-age ceremony is called his Rite of Passage. Visit www.milestonetomanhood.com for more information.
Episode 287 - A Conversation with Eksayn Anderson on being the CEO of your Children's Education
YouTube Link: https://youtu.be/YLFGTea_yKI
ABOUT:EksAyn is a dynamic and empathic speaker, author and negotiation expert. He uses an authentic, person-centered approach in his presentation style that encourages his clients to reconsider their entire approach to their work, ultimately helping them carve a path to a more integrated, values based and compassion driven pursuit of their professional and personal goals. Whether it be for business development, leadership, relationships or health, EksAyn takes his clients on a quest to find the deeper truth that will unlock their capacities to secure lasting success and fulfillment. His reviews consistently reflect this innovative approach as a tremendous value added, and he is consistently requested as a repeat presenter.EksAyn has been seen on Forbes.com and Speaker Magazine, in addition to various business blogs, podcasts and news stations. His books, The Key to the Gate, and What I Want My Children to Know Before I Die, have sold internationally.His educational, professional and life experiences have taught him not only how to connect, self-actualize, and thrive at work, but also how to teach you and your team to increase your business, negotiate with the best, and create loyal, long-term clients. As just one example of his success, after just 3 ½ years with a company that had hundreds of salespeople, EksAyn closed 3 of the top 6 largest transactions that the organization had ever had in its history, including the all-time record for the largest transaction, which was over SIX TIMES larger than the next biggest sale the company had EVER had.But remember, success in the business world doesn't matter if we don't have success at home. GO TO:www.eksayn.com Parents can get my book and soon to be online class about how to influence their marriages and children for good.
Episode 286 - A Conversation with Eric Wooten founder of Altered Marriage
YouTube Link: https://youtu.be/-ByrjSN3eic
About:
Eric is a dynamic speaker, author and relationship expert. He uses his 15 years of experience as a pastor and licensed professional counselor to help singles develop healthy dating relationships and couples build strong, thriving marriages. Eric combines his transformative, yet easy to digest frameworks and quick wit to help couples of all ages and backgrounds enjoy the journey towards fulfilling relationships that go the distance. He holds a Master’s of Marriage & Family Counseling from Southwestern Baptist Theological Seminary and is the author of “The Magnetic Marriage: 8 Characteristics of Irresistible Marriages.” Eric has been married to his wife, Jill, for 28 years and they have 3 daughters. GO TO: www.alteredmarriage.com www.alteredmarriage.com/gift
Episode 285 - A Conversation with Drs May & Tim Hindmarsh - Faith, Family, Finances & Fun
YouTube Link: https://youtu.be/7jwsUbmKr5o Biography
We are a dual physician power couple who have a blast doing life together for the past 30 years. We are currently empty nesters and enjoying our adventures as podcasters on BS Free MD. We are both Board Certified Family Practice Physicians who were born, raised and trained in Canada and migrated to the wonderful world of the USA in 1994. We have practiced rural medicine, hospital, OB, and outpatient medicine for almost 30 years.
We are passionate about all aspects of healthcare, marriages, burnout, overcoming struggles and tackling hot healthcare topics.
Both of us currently practice Urgent Care and can be spotted living our best life via our social channels! We love to laugh at ourselves and share tales from our adventurous past over a good cocktail.
GO TO:
https://bsfreemd.com/
Website: https://bsfreemd.com/ Podcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/bs-free-md-with-drs-may-and-tim-hindmarsh/id1544539564
Facebook: BS Free MD
Email: doc@bsfreemd.com
Episode 284 - A Conversation with Author, Immigrant, Christian, & Podcast Host - Nicki Billou - 0922
YouTube Link: https://youtu.be/ogjgdi-CbBg
ABOUT:
Nicky Billou is the #1 International Best Selling Author of the book: Finish Line ThinkingTM: How to Think and Win Like a Champion, The Thought Leader’s Journey: A Fable of Life, and The Power Of Connecting: How To Activate Profitable Relationships By Serving Your Network. He is an in-demand and highly inspirational speaker to corporate audiences such as RBC, Lululemon, Royal LePage, and TorStar Media. He is and advisor and confidante to some of the most successful and dynamic entrepreneurs in Canada. He is the co-founder of eCircle Academy ( www.eCircleAcademy.com ) where he runs a yearlong Mastermind & Educational program working with Coaches, Consultants, Corporate Trainers, Clinic Owners, Realtors, Mortgage Brokers and other service-based Entrepreneurs, positioning them as authorities in their niche. He is the creator of the Thought Leader/Heart LeaderTM Designation. As the host of the #1 podcast in the world on Thought Leadership, The Thought Leader Revolution ( www.TheThoughtLeaderRevolution.com ) Nicky has interviewed over 300 of the world’s top Thought Leaders, such as:
•Astronaut Chris Hadfield •George Ross of the Hit TV Series The Apprentice •Barbara Corcoran from Shark Tank •Supermodel & Business Mogul Kathy Ireland •Ivan Misner — Founder Of BNI •Graham Weihmiller — CEO of BNI •John Maxwell — World’s #1 Leadership Author •NYT #1 Bestselling Author Seth Godin •Marie Forleo — Oprah’s Coach •Jack Canfield: Author Of Chicken Soup For The Soul •Scott Adams: Creator of Dilbert
GO TO:
Www.eCircleAcademy.com/appointment
The link is to a complimentary breakthrough call, so that your listener will get clear on why they are stuck in their business and have a roadmap to get them unstuck and to the next level.
Episode 283 - Conversation with Fighter Pilot, Author, & Christian - Dominic "Slice" Teich - 0922
YouTube Video: https://youtu.be/ZQjFkc1c8ew
ABOUT: Dom “Slice” Teich brings his fighter pilot background and applies them to guide pilots, athletes, business owners, and students with afterburner techniques that American fighter pilots use to ensure mission completion. As an Amazon best-selling author, business owner, entrepreneur, civilian and military instructor pilot, he knows that busy individuals and teams struggle with information overload.
Since 2002, “Slice” has guided hundreds of students toward their goals. His blueprint is called Single Seat Mindset; an impactful group of 40+ fighter pilot guides with a combined experience of 700+ years. Proven formulas and life advice is shared to the insider circle community to ensure success and big goal achievement all while avoiding overwhelm, overload, and flameout. They dive deep into the productivity world to provide guidance through short, impactful steps.
You won't find any other cutting-edge community like ours as we provide unique life experiences learned in the 3rd dimension.
www.SingleSeatMindset.com
GO TO:
https://singleseatmindset.com/podcastgift
I am giving away 3 signed copies of our powerful book, Single Seat Wisdom Volume 1, to your podcast listeners at the END of each interview. (An Amazon #1 best seller)
Episode 282 - A Conversation with Sex Therapist, Researcher, Biblical Jewish Scholar, Dr. Caleb Jacobson 0822
YouTube Video Link: https://youtu.be/dACg616URfk
ABOUT:
Dr. Caleb Jacobson is an internationally recognized clinical psychologist, sex therapist, researcher, Bible scholar, and host of the popular Sex Therapy Podcast. He has a doctorate in clinical psychology (PsyD) from California Southern University and a doctorate in Hebrew Bible and biblical archaeology (PhD) from the University of Mainz. Additionally he has a graduate certificate in sex therapy from the University of Wisconsin-Stout.
As an expert on the topic of human sexuality, he authored Abrahamic Faiths: Perspectives on Gender Identity and Sexuality, a pioneering and innovative study on the correlation between gender identity, sexuality, and religion. He is the lead researcher of the 'Menstrubation Initiative,' a global study to quantify the benefits of masturbation on menstrual symptoms.
Dr. Jacobson is the leading expert in Sex and Religion. He chairs the AASECT special interest group on the subject. Additionally, he is the president of the School of Sex Therapy, a professional training program for clinicians to become certified in the area of psychosexual therapy.
GO TO:
www.sextherapypodcast.com
The official website of the Sex Therapy Podcast.
Episode 281 - A Conversation with Melanie Gall on 5 Kids in 5 Years, God's Leading, & Coaching 0822
YouTube Video Link: https://youtu.be/CNjB_FsWUNQ
ABOUT:
As a homeschooling mom of 5, I went from a depressed coffee addict to being passionate about our life’s stories. We all are a product of our past, but the stories we tell ourselves don’t have to keep us stuck. As a life and soul coach, I help people gain a clear understanding to what they need in life discuss tools to help them get it. I’ve done 6 years post secondary education in the Teaching realm and love good, deep conversations about things that matter.
GO TO:
https://melaniegallcoaching.com
This is the link to my website for a free 30 minute life coaching session. On it will be links to my podcast entitled “Sustained in the Middle” which you will gain encouragement, Biblical teaching and even a few laughs from.
Episode 280 - A Conversation with Carrie Schmidt - Author of Behind the Screen - 0722
YouTube link: https://youtu.be/rr9HnuJaOx4
ABOUT:
As the Founder and CEO of Infinite SOULutions, LLC, Carrie Schmidt puts the SOUL in SOULutions by transforming lives personally and professionally. A dynamic, influential Thought Leader and Motivational Speaker, she has the ability to instantly captivate your mind, heart and awaken your soul by empowering you to gain clarity on your purpose, overcome limiting beliefs, and have the confidence to pursue your dreams. After achieving top level leadership roles and a 6 figure salary (everything she ever worked for in corporate America), Carrie still felt a longing for something greater. She embarked on a spiritual journey of personal discovery and development that led her to research the fundamentals of psychology, neuroscience and quantum physics. Now a Certified Life Mastery Consultant, Carrie offers life coaching programs, business consulting services, and her vision is to reach, teach, and transform over 1 million lives globally by helping raise human consciousness.
GO TO:
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B09ZCJNFK3
Learn how to overcome your subconscious programming, connect to your power, and co-create the life you truly desire! It’s time we all dive into that rabbit hole and seek the knowledge we deserve to know about ourselves and the Universe. We need to get behind the screen and clean it. Visit www.carrie-schmidt.com to learn more.
Episode 279 - A Conversation with Bob Lotich of Seedtime on Money, Marriage, & Kiddos 082
Youtube video link: https://youtu.be/dBqUMP8avhg
ABOUT:
Bob Lotich is a financial coach married to a butterfly-chasing spender so he gets it. His new book Simple Money, Rich Life is the operating manual he and his wife Linda (a middle-class couple) followed to pay off over $400k of debt and reach a personal goal of giving $1 million by age 40. He currently lives in Franklin, TN with Linda and their three children.
https://seedtime.com/
GO TO:
http://3daymoneychallenge.com
I have been helping people win with money for the last 15 years and I determined 3 simple, yet incredibly important, things everyone should do with their money to start seeing quick improvement. This free 3-day money challenge walks the listener through each of these simple steps.
Episode 278 - A Conversation with James Woodall on Money Legacy Vision and Goals - 0722
YouTube Video Link: https://youtu.be/Jv4dDPTvPPI
ABOUT
James Woodall is the Founder and CEO of Woodall Wealth Management. James’ passion for Wealth Management has always been around, as a child he was fascinated by the stock market in Junior Achievement and had always been drawn to investing. He graduated from Texas Tech with a degree in International Economics and Finance after studying Mechanical Engineering and realizing it wasn’t for him. Moving into the Finance industry he fell in love with Wealth Management and worked with advisors for a decade when he realized his passion for financial planning and becoming an advisor himself. Still dealing with the effects of his Grandfather’s passing and seeing the impact of estate plans going awry, he earned his CERTIFIED FINANCIAL PLANNER® certification from the CFP® Board, using the Southern Methodist University’s program. The desire to build a firm focused on planning for generations so that others avoid the family issues that derive from poor estate planning pushed him to open his firm in 2022. When James isn’t working you can find him reading, cooking excessively large meals for family and friends, or slowly learning to golf.
GO TO:
https://www.woodallwealthmanagement.com/guides-checklists
This is a great place for people to start. I have 13 free .pdfs (the number may changed over time) that will give people answers and a path to common questions. Ultimately if they don't have the ability to answer and solve these questions (don't worry they're not alone), the will to go through each of these or simply the time to review, those are the clients we look for and look to help out. Worst case scenario, people learn more about their financial lives and goals.
Episode 277 - A Conversation with Dr Kelli Palfy - Author of Men Too - 0722
YouTube video link: https://youtu.be/nd95A9ruVpU
ABOUT:
Dr. Kelli Palfy began her professional career working in adult and youth corrections. During that time, she noticed there were a disproportionate number of males in the system. In 1996, she became an RCMP (Royal Canadian Mounted Police) officer and took an interest in investigating sex crimes. She later went on to specialize in sex crimes committed against children internationally, completing all the training needed to become a subject matter expert for the Integrated Child Exploitation (ICE) unit in British Columbia, Canada. Here, as she combed through video evidence, she witnessed first-hand the grooming tactics commonly used by sophisticated pedophiles. After retiring from the RCMP, Dr. Palfy obtained her PhD in Counseling Psychology from the University of Alberta. She conducted her doctoral research on the reasons why males don't commonly disclose sexual abuse. She is now a trained trauma therapist and public speaker on the topic of male sexual abuse. She wrote Men Too: Unspoken Truths About Male Sexual Abuse to equip, empower and transform abused boys and men to heal and become who they were born to be.
GO TO:
http://kellipalfy.com
If you have not read my book yet, I HIGHLY encourage you to do so. This is an issue we all need to be aware of! For more information or to purchase your copy of MEN TOO
Episode 276 - A Conversation with Across Nigeria Founder Brad Brandon 0722
Youtube link: https://youtu.be/qDNTiTdW-S8
ABOUT Brad Brandon:
Several years ago I reached the dangerous Fulani Muslims in northern Nigeria with the gospel of Jesus Christ. From that open door our organization now runs and operates several school in the far north of Nigeria. The areas we operate in are controlled by both Boko Haram and ISIS. We have had several close encounters and we are constantly putting our selves in harms way to reach this unreached people. We are thankful that God has always kept us safe.
To DONATE, Get involved, or Learn More:
Go to:
www.acrossnigeria.org
Episode 275 - A Conversartion with Children's Author Rebecca Linney - 0722
YouTube Video Link: https://youtu.be/gNFGteQYCLM
ABOUT: Rebecca Linney is a Mompreneur (entrepreneur AND mom!), authoring her first children’s’ book after struggling to find a way to get her young son to sleep in his own bed throughout the night. As a longtime resident of San Diego, CA, Rebecca graduated from CSUSM with a BFA in Communication. Landing speaking roles at San Diego Start Up Week and onsite at USD, Rebecca inspires others struggling and tired parents to appeal to their child’s sense of empathy and desire to grow up. She currently resides in Carlsbad, CA.
GO TO:
www.thegrowingbed.com
You can buy The Growing Bed nearly everywhere you go to find books, but if you order on TheGrowingBed.com then I can personalize a copy for your little and send it off, straight from me!
Episode 274 - A Conversation with Early Childhood Expert and Coach D.J. Stutz 0722
Youtube Video link: https://youtu.be/4GbJO_oAYfg
ABOUT
DJ Stutz, is an Early Childhood Specialist with more than 20 years of teaching experience. DJ has an immense love for children with 5 of her own, 12 grandchildren and 70 nieces and nephews. She fully understands the challenges and concerns that come with parenting. She parent coaching in group or one-on-one sessions to support parents in their most important job. On her podcast, DJ and her guests share knowledge and experience through thoughtful episodes whose subject matter is deigned to help parents develop the confidence and peace to be a great parent and imperfect hero raising independent, productive, and happy children.
GO TO:
http://littleheartsacademyusa.com
My parent company is Little Hearts Academy USA where we have several free resources and access to my group coaching and one-on-one coaching.
Episode 273 - Conversation on Parenting, Mindset, Connection & Empowerment - Jim White 0622
YouTube Video Link: https://youtu.be/0-knW_VULb8
Jim White:
Jim White is an author, coach and founder of the Family Enrichment Academy. He has been married for 40 years and has 6 children as well as 12 grandchildren. His background as a family enrichment coach and life experience provide a unique perspective on parenthood. His book How to Be the Parent Your Teenager Needs You to Be is his second book on parenting.
https://www.familyenrichmentacademy.com
Free Resource:
https://www.familyenrichmentacademy.com/opt-in-10-questions-rev-1
This is a free resource for listeners. One of the biggest challenges parents face is getting their teens to open up and talk. This PDF provides 10 Questions to never ask because they are conversation killers. Also included, are 10 great questions... conversation starters.
Episode 272 - Conversation with 50 Shades of Truth Author Nikole Thompson - on Divorce, Drugs & Prison to Redemption & Truth
Youtube link: https://youtu.be/uqxSG9W50jA
About
Nikole is a published author whose testimony of deliverance from methamphetamine addiction and the insanity of living that life is impacting the lives of everyone it touches. Her testimony of 16 years of freedom has brought healing, understanding and deliverance to many, because of its simple gospel message of God's mercy and forgiveness. Currently she travels and speaks on her book tour for "50 Shades of Truth", spreading hope everywhere she goes. I have been leading Celebrate Recovery for 5 years. Sharing the freedom and peace of mind of a life surrendered to God. Over the past year I have been blessed (even in the midst of Covid) to travel the country sharing my compelling story of freedom, healing, life and love. I enjoy helping others to see that everything God has blessed me with, they can have too. May 29th 2022 I will celebrate 16 years free from methamphetamine. GO TO: www.50shadesoftruth.com
Episode 271 - A Conversation on What Women Need for Great Intimacy with Debbie Elzea - 0522
Youtube Link: https://youtu.be/Q7KHd0W-QM4
Debbie Elzea
ABOUT :
Would you love more passion, connection and playfulness in your relationship? I’m a romantic, and my passion is helping you shed your sexual frustration and create your bliss. I used the online name “Rational Romantic” when I met my beloved husband, because I strongly believe that intimacy and sensuality are natural and desirable. That said, female sexual pleasure can be complex, a learned skill, an art and a science, and if yours is a source of frustration, you may simply need a knowledgeable, compassionate guide to give you support and permission to unleash your feminine energy, and achieve your goals, while having empowering fun.
I'm a former attorney and Colorado registered psychotherapist, who has also studied life and couples coaching, as well as sacred and embodied sex coaching methodologies.
I'm inspired by my own experiences growing up in a sex-shaming culture, and enduring a long sexless marriage before creating life-changing intimacy. I help women transform their relationships with their bodies, selves, spirits and partners… . Its time to get unstuck, get out of your busy mind and into your pleasure, and be a beloved, cherished woman!
GO TO:
Invitation to free, live monthly masterclass on various topics https://www.moreintimacy.net/contact6
and BOOK a complimentary heart to heart call: https://www.moreintimacy.net/book-online
Episode 270 -Conversation with Jim Barnard - The Suffering Guy - 0522
YouTube Link https://youtu.be/AQ_SE2C3EBE
About Jim
I am a pastor, coach, author, and a speaker who has a story to tell. I write (in The suffering guy. book) about my story not being the one I would have written for myself... I would have written something way cooler. "Why couldn't I be the 'my family owns an island guy'? That would absolutely crush at a party!" Instead my story is full of suffering, as my wife became seriously ill 3 months into marriage. It's been a long and hard road in the 15 years since, but God has shown us a pathway toward hope and an understanding that victory does not come in isolation. This is a story that I feel a great calling to share with others who are facing their own "expectation gaps." This is what I do professionally now: I give away free coaching for guys and couples who are suffering in the expectation gap. So, thanks for considering letting me share that on your platform!
Jim Barnard is a pastor and the founder of tiller coaching. He offers coaching to those who are suffering the reality of the expectation gap, where... disappointment
dissatisfaction
distress
can cause real damage.
Much of his biography can be found in the pages of The suffering guy. (book is available on Amazon) The centerpiece of this story is his wife's rare chronic illness that set in 3 months after their marriage. She has suffered greatly in a downward trajectory ever since. This reality has strengthened their faith and changed their mindset on everything.
GO TO:
https://www.thesufferingguy.com
The website gives listeners a place to connect with me, see pictures of our journey, read a preview of the book, get a copy of the book, link to info about tiller coaching, and more.
Episode 269 - Conversation with Anna Maria DiDio on Adoption 0522
Youtube link: https://youtu.be/tHQQLtdmBpY
About Anna Maria
When my husband and I began our adoption journey over twenty years ago, we had no idea of what was in store for us. The myth of adoption had us hooked and after the pain and isolation of infertility, we were willing to give it a try. The journey took us to an orphanage in Mexico where we met an adorable and precocious six-year-old girl. Once in the U.S., her pain at being separated from everything she knew and loved prompted my writing and I began to journal our experience. Many years later, I finished my memoir, Love at the Border, An Adoption Adventure. Now, reflecting on how unprepared we were for the emotional tumult of adoption, I decided to write children's books from the point of view of the child. Expressing the pain of separation and loss is an important part of what adopted children need to do. However, many times, it's not something that adoptive parents are able to hear. With my L.I.F.E.* series of children's books, I want to focus on what children of all blended family types are thinking and feeling as they acclimate to their new families.
ORDER Anna's Books at:
https://www.amazon.com/Many-People-Love-L-I-F-stepchildren-ebook/dp/B09V1JLW1V/ref
My memoir, Love at the Border, An Adoption Adventure and Many People to Love, Book One of the L.I.F.E.* Adventure Books: stories about adoption, foster care, stepchildren, and all blended families - - are available on Amazon.
https://www.amdidio.com
Episode 268 - Conversation with Danielle Bernock -From Survive to Thrive
Youtube Link: https://youtu.be/Uz92M-zyhtc
About Danielle
Danielle is passionate about helping men and women 50+ live a courageous, victorious, and vibrant life. Childhood trauma is an epidemic and adults often diminish it or fail to recognize it. Unaddressed trauma silently wreaks havoc in every area of a person's life.
Danielle Bernock is a childhood trauma survivor, international, award-winning author, speaker, podcast host, and trauma-informed self-love coach who helps men, women, and organizations EMERGE with clear vision of their value, TAKE ownership of their choices, and CHART a path to their purpose, becoming Victorious Souls. She’s created courses, and workshops to implement her 4 step proven process called S.E.L.F. Her mantra is “love yourself from survive to thrive” and she’s known as “that lady on the internet who loves you.”
Danielle married young, raised two kids, and didn't come into her own until she was in her 50's when she wrote and published her first book and really started to thrive in life. FIND OUT MORE:
https://www.daniellebernock.com/
Everything I have to offer can be accessed at my website. I have many free resources, as well as services to offer.
Episode 267 - Conversation with Tess Scott on Family, Redemption, & new Book Listen Sister 0422
YouTube Video Link: https://youtu.be/JtI_GrzX4nE
About Tess
I’ve lived through multiple divorces, married my husband twice and raised a brood of boys which only goes to prove God is full of grace and mercy. He has guided me through breast cancer, bathroom renovations and menopausal hormones. I want to encourage women of all ages that they’re not alone. As a former black sheep turned “Jesus girl”, my redeemed life screams of the prodigal daughter unmistakably chosen. And it’s this hope, this story of redemption and God’s indisputable faithfulness that I bring to encourage women. My first book “Listen,Sister! Finding Hope In The Freakshow of Life” (Morgan James Publishers) launches June 14, 2022. It’s a collection of short, embarrassing yet true stories that reveal how God teaches through every experience, reminding us where our hope lies. Women need to laugh, and they need truth. Bam!
Find out More about Tess & her new book at:
https://tessscott.com/
Girlfriend, do you suspect your life is a freakshow? It probably is! But don't despair, you are among friends. Download the FREE "Top 10 Signs your Life is a Freakshow" and know for sure.
Episode 266 - Conversation with Megan Eddinger on motherhood, mental health and getting help 0422
The No BS Mama
Youtube link: https://youtu.be/Hpu-URKB_Q0
About Megan
Megan vulnerably shares her story to relate to your audience. Your audience can learn: 1. Learn how to recognize the symptoms of anxiety and depression and how to get help. 2. Understand there is no such thing as the perfect mom. Even "Perfect Peggy" up the street who's kids are so well behaved and always wearing matching outfits and only eat organic food and always going away on lavish vacations has her own shit that she's dealing with. 3. The unique lonliness and isolation that comes with being a young mom. 4. The importance of having hobbies, friendships, and interests outside of your role as a mom and the benefits of putting your needs first.
CALL TO ACTION:
https://www.instagram.com/megan.eddinger/
Listen to my podcast wherever you listen to podcasts. Follow me on Instagram to stay connected. Or join my FREE membership for weekly tips and tricks. https://thenobsmama.buzzsprout.com
The No BS Mama Megan Eddinger
Sick of all the #momlife advice from "Perfect Peggy" who has all the answers and is ready to tell you all the wrong ways you're doing it? Meet Megan, the no BS mama who knows there is no one size fit's all solution when it comes to life. Tune in each week while we figure shit out together. Megan shares her own experiences, the experiences of other moms and relevant experts. But because theres no one size fits all solution, take what serves you and leave what doesn't. So grab your coffee, your wine, or whatever floats your boat and go hide from those kiddos while we dive in!
Episode 265 - Conversation with Paul Granger from YWAM - Where did you see God
YouTube video link: https://youtu.be/o-U8lXzURuE
About Paul
The "shepherding/pastoral" gifting gives Paul the unique ability to cultivate rich dialogue and process the difficult questions of life. While he has many stories to share of his own journey of learning who God is, who he is, and what that means for his life, he knows God can use any conversation to do "abundantly more" beyond simply telling his stories. Paul enjoys sharing what it means to take crazy steps of faith, how to persevere through hardship, and how to hold firm to the belief that "God is God and God is good", no matter the circumstances.
FIND OUT MORE:
www.wheredidyouseeGod.com
You are welcome to share my website and podcast; if relevant, you can share the link for "A Journey through Revelation (for the person who doesn't want to read Revelation)"
Direct Link to the DTS DTS Season: https://www.wheredidyouseegod.com/familydts
Visit: wheredidyouseegod.com Pray: tinyurl.com/GrangerPray Follow: tinyurl.com/GrangerList Give: worldoutreach.org/707 Listen: tinyurl.com/WDYSGpodcast
Episode 264 - Conversation with Dr. Michael Jaquith - on Marriage, Family, Help, & Hope - 3/30/22
Youtube Version: https://youtu.be/L44qzWU8sDs
About Michael
After getting my Chemistry Ph.D. from Cornell, I spent almost 10 years in big corporate life. I left that environment and embraced the entrepreneurial path. My wife and I have owned 3 successful businesses as we eventually became Life Coaches. I read voraciously and have a nearly endless source of self-help, coaching, business, and faith-based information ready to go. I'm particularly good at converting the abstract and intellectual to practical and accessible. Most of all I'm funny. Expect me to smile and laugh with you. Without a doubt, we'll have a good time, a good conversation, and the only thing missing with a be a fine glass of scotch for after the recording stops.
Find out More about Michael and His Ministry at:
https://catholiclifecoachformen.com/
I offer both direct one-on-one coaching and a group program. These programs are designed to help men make big improvements and transformations in their lives. They will grow as husbands, fathers, employees, and in their faith.
Episode 263 - Sermon on Gender & Sexuality from a Biblical Worldview - March 2022
I was asked to fill in at a local church and decided to speak on the topic most pressing to my heart - what is a biblical worldview of Gender and Sexuality?
It was such an honor. I hope this is a blessing to you.
Youtube version:
https://youtu.be/ksyG4r8My_8
Episode 262 - Presentation to Parents on a Biblical Foundation of Gender & Sexuality - Feb 2022
Here is the YouTube Link:
https://youtu.be/QUO4mjOSCmM
Episode 261 - Part 2 - Dr G on a Biblical Foundation of Gender & Sexuality - Presentation to Middle Schoolers Feb 2022
Here is the link to the Youtube video:
https://youtu.be/QOU5BqfYRz4
Episode 260 - Dr G on a Biblical Foundation of Gender & Sexuality - Presentation to Middle Schoolers Feb 2022 - Part 1 of 2
Link to Youtube video:
https://youtu.be/KofyCLWwSWk
Episode 259 - Interview with Dr Joe Martin - Real Men Connect - Rags to Riches to Ruin to Redemption
Find out more about Dr. Joe Martin and his work, his #1 podcast for men, his books, and his community at:
www.RealMenConnect.com
Youtube link for Video: https://youtu.be/kehxZORA1DM
Episode 258 - Part 4 of 4 - A Gender Ideology Deep Dive (by Sharon James) - To Do - Respect
Order Sharon James Book here:
Youtube link: https://youtu.be/BNx_ucDhVHo
Find the YouTube video here:
1 of 4 - https://youtu.be/I3dMCDSEOAQ
2 of 4 - https://youtu.be/Um38yHDj0cQ
3 of 4 - https://youtu.be/jlSuegZSEss
4 of 4 - https://youtu.be/BNx_ucDhVHo
Episode 257 - Part 3 of 4 - A Gender Ideology Deep Dive (by Sharon James) - The Design
YouTube link to video: https://youtu.be/jlSuegZSEss
Find the YouTube video here:
1 of 4 - https://youtu.be/I3dMCDSEOAQ
2 of 4 - https://youtu.be/Um38yHDj0cQ
3 of 4 - https://youtu.be/jlSuegZSEss
4 of 4 - https://youtu.be/BNx_ucDhVHo
Episode 256 - Part 2 of 4 - A Gender Ideology Deep Dive (by Sharon James) - The History
Order the Book at:
YouTube video Link: https://youtu.be/Um38yHDj0cQ
Find the YouTube video here:
1 of 4 - https://youtu.be/I3dMCDSEOAQ
2 of 4 - https://youtu.be/Um38yHDj0cQ
3 of 4 - https://youtu.be/jlSuegZSEss
4 of 4 - https://youtu.be/BNx_ucDhVHo
Episode 255 - Part 1 of 4 - A Gender Ideology Deep Dive (by Sharon James)
Order Sharon James's book by clicking the book Pic Here:
Find the YouTube video here:
1 of 4 - https://youtu.be/I3dMCDSEOAQ
2 of 4 - https://youtu.be/Um38yHDj0cQ
3 of 4 - https://youtu.be/jlSuegZSEss
4 of 4 - https://youtu.be/BNx_ucDhVHo
Episode 254 - Interview with Rachel McCants on Jesus, Brain Tumor, and Serving Others
YOUTUBE Link: https://youtu.be/8S2AczJkzoI
Reach out to Rachel at www.rlindsayunlimited.com
Discover: Early Mornings with a Dose of Jesus: https://www.rlindsayunlimited.com/early-mornings-with-a-dose-of-jesus
Purchase Rachel's new book at https://www.amazon.com/Ladies-As-Love-Ourselves-Self-Worth/dp/0578435969
Book Rachel McCants to speak at your next event!
Find out more about her at:
https://www.linkedin.com/in/rachel-mccants-motivational-speaker-b457b582/
Rachel has a Bachelor's Degree in Communication with a minor in English from the University of Texas at Arlington. Born and raised in Dallas Texas in a single parent home. Rachel is the oldest of 4. She has 1 sister and 2 brothers. Rachel lives by God first and family second. She has been a Christian all her life, but her normal life was challenged in 2016 which inspired R. Lindsay Unlimited to encourage, inspire and challenge ladies to discover and raise their self worth, not settle and walk in God’s will, through her story telling and as a playwright. Her 6 step program helps encourage and guide ladies to a proper level of self-worth, while strengthening their relationship with God. She is also a certified ZUMBA instructor who has a genuine love for dance and fitness.
Rachel's favorite verse is, "For I know the plans that I have for you,’declares the Lord, ‘plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope. Jeremiah 29:11.
Episode 253 - Interview with Veronica Williams on Marriage Coaching
Speaker, Relationship and Empowerment Coach
https://www.allianceseminars.org
Helping women and couples become whole can encompass many strategies. Coaching, mentoring, and awesome accountability partners can give C.P.R. to our lives by providing Clarity, Purpose, and Resilience.
About Veronica
I am the Co-Founder of Alliance Seminars Coaching, which is a veteran-owned, faith based organization that provides clients with coaching services, motivational speaking, and certified workshops. Our mission is to support clients by sharing strategies and skills that strengthen personal and professional relationships. We also collaborate with individuals and organizations to improve leadership skills, which increase individual quality of life and business culture. Find the Youtube Video at: https://youtu.be/YMY-mS4Xyg8
Episode 252 - Interview with Dr. Debi Silber on Betrayal and Marriage Work
Check out Dr. Debi Silber's resources below:
Dr. Debi Silber, Founder of The PBT (Post Betrayal Transformation) Institute
Check out Dr. Debi's Quiz:
https://thepbtinstitute.com/quiz/
Do you have Post Betrayal Syndrome? Take the quiz.
Biography
Dr. Debi Silber is the founder of the Post Betrayal Transformation Institute and is a holistic psychologist, a health, mindset and personal development expert, the author of the #1 bestselling book: The Unshakable Woman: 4 Steps to Rebuilding Your Body, Mind and Life After a Life Crisis and her newest book: Trust Again: Overcoming Betrayal and Regaining Health, Confidence and Happiness. Her recent PhD study on how we experience betrayal made 3 groundbreaking discoveries that changes how long it takes to heal. In addition to being on FOX, CBS, The Dr. Oz Show, TEDx (twice) and more, she’s an award winning speaker, coach and author dedicated to helping people move past their betrayals as well as any other blocks preventing them from the health, work, relationships, confidence and happiness they want most. Find the YouTube Video at: https://youtu.be/UZtqPlFh6i0
Episode 251 - Interview with R. Christian Bohlen - Marriage, Mental Health, & Hope
Check out his inspiring new book at
HappyAfterAll.info (and download 3 free chapters here)
Youtube video link : https://youtu.be/GBk8_aAuA9I
R. Christian Bohlen
Author of Jesus Christ, His Life and Mine Visit: http://hislifeandmine.com to learn more and download free chapters. See Amazon reviews and Look Inside preview pages.
Listen to free audiobook samples.
Same book, different covers (ebook, paperback, audiobook):
". . . highly readable . . . superb . . . theologically sound and succinct. . . personable and energetic. . ." - BlueInk Reviews, starred review
". . . eloquent and inviting. . . makes all the elements of [the Jesus] narrative feel fresh. . . bracingly enthusiastic. . ." - Kirkus Reviews
2 New Tools for Going Beyond Fight, Flight, Freeze - from Trauma to Transformed - Episode 250
Youtube link https://youtu.be/xzQ3xSTRRBw
wwww.drcoreygilbert.com
www.traumatotransformed.com
Episode 249 - Interview with Sovann Pen - Counselor, Coach, & Podcaster
Sovann Pen, Portland, Oregon
Find out more about Sovann and his work at www.sovannpen.com
YouTube link https://youtu.be/6jupNAczL20
www.drcoreygilbert.com
Glow Kids - Be Prepared - KNOW - Episode 248
Youtube link https://youtu.be/6MFa_Z32rNE
www.drcoreygilbert.com
A Different Perspective on Your Mental Health - Episode 247
Family Features Podcast with Dr G
Youtube link https://youtu.be/kzwwYDuZxUg
www.drcoreygilbert.com
You Can Break Free - Trauma to Transformed - Episode 246
Youtube lInk https://youtu.be/kz_wg173iZo
www.drcoreygilbert.com
www.traumatotransformed.com
What is True Sexual Freedom - Episode 245 - Chapel at Corban U. Jan 2021
Youtube link https://youtu.be/tVvaVdJJvm0
www.drcoreygilbert.com
www.bookdrg.com
Who Are You? - Episode 244 - Interview With Daughter Mylie
Youtube Link https://youtu.be/L0RxUbIu0Kg
www.bookdrg.com
www.drcoreygilbert.com
Episode 243 - What You Tell Yourself Matters - Truth Versus Lies
Youtube link https://youtu.be/3vBmj_I-81Q
www.drcoreygilbert.com
www.bookdrg.com
Episode 242 - Coddling of the American Mind - What to do to WISE UP
Youtube link - https://youtu.be/d5oAOWY_Oo4
www.bookdrg.com
www.healinglives.com
Episode 241 - Coddling of the American Mind - How Did We Get Here
Youtube link https://youtu.be/O6m8xFaW1fo
www.bookdrg.com
www.healinglives.com
Episode 240 - Coddling of the American Mind - 3 Bad Ideas
Youtube link https://youtu.be/WdBT9Qn5jAA
www.bookdrg.com
www.HealingLives.com
Episode 239 - 2 Things to Do Every Day Week Month Year to Strengthen Your Marriage
from Les & Leslie Parrott's book THE LOVE LIST
www.bookdrg.com
www.drcoreygilbert.com
Youtube link: https://youtu.be/LaRpOF5SjiM
Episode 238 - 3 Things to Excel in your Marriage & Family going into 2021
SOLITUDE
LEISURE
CONVERSATION
www.bookdrg.com
www.drcoreygilbert.com
YouTube link: https://youtu.be/rN_eS8m5Yac
Episode 237 - Does Living Together Help or Hurt Our Future Together
YouTube link - https://youtu.be/qdzFi-NmYSA
www.HealingLives.com
www.bookdrg.com
Episode 236 - Tips to Face Bullies with Mylie Gilbert
Youtube link - https://youtu.be/dN7nHZnmjxY
www.Icantsaythat.com
www.freebook.healinglives.com
www.HealingLives.com
Episode 235 - My Trauma to Transformed Program
Youtube link https://youtu.be/7yc4p-867nE
www.HealingLives.com
http://guide.traumatotransformed.com
www.bookdrg.com
Episode 234 - Stop Overprotecting your kids and Begin PREPARING
Youtube link https://youtu.be/RlinpzHBUzE
www.HealingLives.com
www.bookdrg.com
Episode 233 - Happiness Chemicals and How to Hack Them
Youtube link https://youtu.be/sYh9PQWCW34
www.HealingLives.com
www.bookdrg.com
Episode 232 - 5 Irrational Beliefs About Marriage
Youtube link https://youtu.be/7B23-kPybmE
www.HealingLives.com
www.bookdrg.com
Episode 231 - Struggling in your Marriage during this COVID season
Youtube link https://youtu.be/2TZLQ8DNJhs
www.HealingLives.com
www.bookdrg.com
Episode 230 - Are you struggling to return to church and other social events
YouTube link https://youtu.be/gEsJfx-Dcmw
www.HealingLives.com
Episode 229 - Questions - Leader of Home - Too Young for Sex and Gender Talk - Healthy View of Sex
Youtube link https://youtu.be/Lz_0j9nvFHs
www.HealingLives.com
Episode 228 - My Husband Had an Affair & I am Destroyed - Now what
Youtube link https://youtu.be/seRVhPk-8VM
www.HealingLives.com
Episode 227 - Questions - Connection as a couple - Worshiping Together & Sex Life Improvement
Youtube link https://youtu.be/nXs8_t7czKk
www.HealingLives.com
Episode 226 - Is Your Family Dealing with Gender or Sexuality Questions
Youtube link https://youtu.be/hLc9MBrdCSk
www.HealingLives.com
Episode 225 - 11 Keys to Change How You Conflict
Youtube link - https://youtu.be/xHGF15MQiyw
www.HealingLives.com
Episode 224 - Questions - Marriage as Hub - Marriage Success & Expectations
Youtube link: https://youtu.be/HvaspFftOFo
www.HealingLives.com
Episode 223 - Do you have past abuse or trauma - want help
Youtube link: https://youtu.be/Y4hHHvPs9EY
go to http://guide.traumatotransformed.com
www.HealingLives.com
Episode 222 - A message to my kids March 2020
See amazing video of this one on YOUTUBE: https://youtu.be/GR15447uMNs
www.HealingLives.com
Episode 221 - Teens and Dating Seminar Booking
Youtube link https://youtu.be/_O5NHbEpyiQ
www.HealingLives.com
Episode 220 - Serve your family with a biblical sexual ethic
Youtube link https://youtu.be/IGVHaDvzeGg
www.HealingLives.com
Episode 219 - Married over 5 Years Divorce Rate Drops
Youtube link https://youtu.be/fGZydXmN3H8
www.HealingLives.com
Episode 218 - Female Athletes Sue over Trans athletes - whatever makes you happy
Youtube link https://youtu.be/6sOrjvPAtA4
www.HealingLives.com
Episode 217 - Five Signs of a Functional Family - Chapman
Youtube link - https://youtu.be/28XN6BD_8EQ
www.HealingLives.com
Resource:
Episode 216 - Before You Plan Your Wedding Plan Your Marriage - Expectations
Youtube link https://youtu.be/pcU4JRaw2MI
www.HealingLives.com
Resource:
Episode 215 - Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts - Myths many of us believe
Youtube link https://youtu.be/ywuyEOy1R3s
www.healingLives.com
Resource:
Episode 214 - Hazards of Being a Man - Warning
Youtube link https://youtu.be/pQpJifDQGIM
www.HealingLives.com
Resource:
Episode 213 - The Heart of Commitment Tools - Stanley
Youtube link https://youtu.be/0tvinY6rtkc
www.HealingLives.com
Resource:
Episode 212 - Mylie Interview - Less Concerned About Friends
Youtube link https://youtu.be/H92dOZgA6b8
Mentioned Resource:
Episode 211 - Mylie Interview - God Chose You
Youtube link https://youtu.be/9wP-l048ePU
Mentioned Resource:
Episode 210 - Mylie Interview - Hiding sins sets you up to fail
My daughter age 10!
Youtube link https://youtu.be/wthNkUpQBq0
www.HealingLives.com
Resource Mentioned:
Episode 209 - When Bad Things Happen to Good Marriages - Parrott's
YouTube link https://youtu.be/4Vxg7BY5tHQ
www.HealingLives.com
Episode 208 - Gottman - Myths and Tools
Youtube link https://youtu.be/USvZI5rneVM
www.HealingLives.com
Episode 207 - Gottman - Learn about Conflict - A KEY to success
Youtube link https://youtu.be/-iR8LLRLE2M
www.healingLives.com
Episode 206 - Should I Divorce when Abuse is Present - Question from My Group
Youtube Link https://youtu.be/MPKQuTQCPHI
www.HealingLives.com
Episode 205 - My family today, homeschool, priorities, peace, and health
YouTube Link https://youtu.be/bpEZzz9jBQ8
www.HealingLives.com
Episode 204 - Self-fulfillment ethic - Marital Premarital Part 2
Youtube link https://youtu.be/cten404zLdU
www.HealingLives.com
Episode 203 - Finding the Hero in Your Husband - Marital Premarital Part 2
Youtube https://youtu.be/tpcBRbf-DDU
www.HealingLives.com
Episode 202 - Does Counseling Work - from my Marital Premarital Class
Youtube link https://youtu.be/5lJhlISURwU
www.HealingLives.com
Episode 201 - Sacred History - Perseverance Part 2
Youtube link https://youtu.be/6VLaxNPCnYo
www.HealingLives.com
Episode 200 - Sacred History - Perseverance
YouTube https://youtu.be/HtdiDihSxdk
www.HealingLives.com
Episode 199 - His Needs Her Needs Research and Tool
YouTube https://youtu.be/KFRecpgPfF0
www.HealingLives.com
Episode 198 - Problem Solving STEPS for Fighting for Your Marriage
Youtube https://youtu.be/1ZZh2vqokG0
www.HealingLives.com
Episode 197 - Rules & Roles for Fighting for Your Marriage
YouTube Link https://youtu.be/su7oMk4U-m4
www.HealingLives.com
Episode 196 - Wright Marriage Counseling 5 - Marriage Counseling Tools
YouTube Link https://youtu.be/cKktiEb5SIs
www.HealingLives.com
Episode 195 - Wright Marriage Counseling 4 - 5 Steps to a Positive Relationship
YouTube link https://youtu.be/bUgnxl2igAQ
www.HealingLives.com
Episode 194 - Wright Marriage Counseling 3 - Marital Assessment Inventory
Youtube Link https://youtu.be/T95qli-eSI0
www.HealingLives.com
Episode 193 - Wright Marriage Counseling 2 - 8 Predictors of Poor Counseling Outcome
Youtube link https://youtu.be/nm8I4IR0nXU
www.HealingLives.com
Episode 192 - Wright Marriage Counseling 1 - What happens to marriages and what to do
Youtube link https://youtu.be/LgLhfXEVlkE
www.HealingLives.com
Episode 191 - Conversation with Mylie - Your Words & Thoughts Matter
YouTube link https://youtu.be/RSqwnK8ZN1I
www.HealingLives.com
Episode 190 - Play The Man - Virtue 7 - Moral Courage
Youtube Link https://youtu.be/w4YY38xH9yk
www.HealingLives.com
Episode 189 - Play The Man - Virtue 6 - Clear Vision
Youtube Link https://youtu.be/bL8lJFM1CUY
www.HealingLives.com
Episode 188 - Play The Man - Virtue 5 - True Grit
Youtube Link https://youtu.be/QHH9UCCv6bs
www.HealingLives.com
Episode 187 - Play The Man - Virtue 4 - Raw Passion
Youtube Link https://youtu.be/FpHcdszik88
www.HealingLives.com
Episode 186 - Play The Man - Virtue 3 - Will Power
Youtube Link https://youtu.be/TxlVP1nMcWs
www.HealingLives.com
Episode 185 - Play The Man - Virtue 2 - Childlike Wonder
Youtube Link https://youtu.be/G7Yg0a6qGWo
www.HealingLives.com
Episode 184 - Play The Man - Virtue 1 - Tough Love
YouTube Link https://youtu.be/ZlraQ1F4AmE
www.HealingLives.com
Episode 183 - Will Way & Wait Power and Marital Success - Worthington Part 3
YouTube link https://youtu.be/Pa8gfF5wFvw
www.HealingLives.com
Episode 182 - Emotional Bond and Marital Success - Worthington Part 2
YouTube link https://youtu.be/cu2o68HIPdo
www.HealingLives.com
Episode 181 - Data on Marital Success - Worthington Part 1
Youtube link https://youtu.be/gSNVqfX-PrA
www.HealingLives.com
Episode 180 - Mylie's 10th Birthday Conversation - 7:7:2020
YouTube link - https://youtu.be/xCrJco6s6Zs
www.HealingLives.com
Episode 179 - Interview with Tim & Mary Dady on health, hope, marriage, ministry, and family - June 16, 2020
Check out Mary's Plexus link at www.mysite.plexusworldwide.com/dadys
Mary's Instagram link:
https://www.instagram.com/this_one_beautiful_life/
www.HealingLives.com
Episode 178 - Your best doesn't mean pushing yourself to your breaking point
Youtube link
https://youtu.be/7xW7k7xiyyc
www.HealingLives.com
Episode 177 - Don't End It - Fix the Problem
YouTube Link
https://youtu.be/UwMWlKuh8R0
www.HealingLives.com
Episode 176 - 5 Phrases every couple should use often
YouTube Link
https://youtu.be/bz5cMCPtqYs
www.HealingLives.com
Episode 175 - Who you connect with stays with you - Sex is Sacred
YouTube Link
https://youtu.be/Lej5JAgmeh8
www.HealingLives.com
Episode 174 - One Word that could change your marriage - Permissions
YouTube Link
https://youtu.be/Z0T1IpfiCLE
www.HealingLives.com
Episode 173 - Which Matters More - big things or the day to day things
Youtube Link
https://youtu.be/CjMwsuXolTM
www.HealingLives.com
Episode 172 - How do I Protect my Heart from an Affair
YouTube link
https://youtu.be/D5zjRdeoUBU
www.HealingLives.com
Episode 171 - Our Family Scoreboard - 3 Big Questions
Youtube Link
https://youtu.be/MOraSJAFQLE
www.HealingLives.com
Episode 170 - Article Review - "Why I'm Saying NO to Structured After-school Activities for my kids"
Your Tube link
https://youtu.be/nlBWsVuVmyU
www.HealingLives.com
Episode 169 - The true story of how Bill and Susan went from unhealthy habits to a thriving life and life-style
YOUTUBE Link https://youtu.be/92FeZ71ykPo
www.HealingLives.com
www.bookdrg.com
Episode 168 - Does NOT having a plan STOP you from creating the health and family life you desire
YOUTUBE Link https://youtu.be/LHxP8g1l900
www.HealingLives.com
www.bookdrg.com
Episode 167 - The 5 Steps to Reclaiming your life and your health and your future
YOUTUBE Link https://youtu.be/PCB3RvHSuLg
www.HealingLives.com
www.bookdrg.com
Episode 166 - Why NOT having a plan and a team is stopping you from creating the life you want
YOUTUBE Link https://youtu.be/fteU4aK0zHY
www.HealingLives.com
www.bookdrg.com
Episode 165 - My Journey from sick, bedridden, and at 115 pounds, to healthy, skiing, backpacking, and adventuring with my wife and kids
YOUTUBE link: https://youtu.be/Q93RhuMZATE
www.HealingLives.com
www.bookdrg.com
Episode 164 - True story of a couple that ditched their boring stuck life and found a new vision and took risks
Youtube link https://youtu.be/H3m1XKPtkzA
www.HealingLives.com
Episode 163 - If I take a job and it is not the right fit I am supposed to just stick it out (MYTH)
Youtube link https://youtu.be/ObLTPFbxHr0
www.HealingLives.com
Episode 162 - 9 Shifts I Made to find my passion and pivot in my work life
Youtube link https://youtu.be/Wf5TE_RH1A8
www.HealingLives.com
Episode 161 - Why You need to love what you do and find meaning to thrive in your life
Youtube link https://youtu.be/vYzXTJJAcr4
www.HealingLives.com
Episode 160 - How I went from Admissions Counselor and IT guy to Speaker, Professor and Coach
Youtube link https://youtu.be/z242nSz3EDk
www.HealingLives.com
Episode 159 - The True Story of hwo Sara and Bill found a lifetime of love - their soulmate
YouTube link https://youtu.be/P3fmoaxx_OU
www.HealingLives.com
Episode 158 - Does NOT having a plan and vision for your future marriage relationship work
Youtube link https://youtu.be/17wx-kpsNTs
www.HealingLives.com
Episode 157 - 9 Shifts I made to find my best friend and marry her
YouTube Link https://youtu.be/eZWqnmDgezU
www.HealingLives.com
Episode 156 - Why NOT having a vision and strategy is NOT working for you to find "the one"
Youtube Link https://youtu.be/-PvLuQcih6o
www.HealingLives.com
Episode 155 - How I went from single and desperate to happily married to my best friend - You Can Too
YouTube Link https://youtu.be/8dq0MlaGL_M
www.HealingLives.com
Episode 154 - Do You Know the Top Reasons for Divorce? And How to Avoid Them?
Youtube link: https://youtu.be/IDH4qKu2dYk
www.HealingLives.com
Episode 153 - My Marriage is TOO far gone to be restored
Youtube link https://youtu.be/QBGIhncq7ic
www.HealingLives.com
Episode 152 - Hope for the tired and weary - Redemption is our Focus
Youtube link https://youtu.be/xhgr6QX2doo
www.HealingLives.com
Episode 151 - HOPE and a Future - We CAN Reopen Safely - We MUST!
YouTube link https://youtu.be/2lq6KpP6nu4
www.HealingLives.com
Episode 150 - Boundaries - Are They Biblical?
Youtube link: https://youtu.be/RTG0OPALfmg
www.HealingLives.com
Episode 149 - 1 Corinthians 13 reminder & refresher
Youtube link https://youtu.be/ZspEp0zN-2s
www.HealingLives.com
Episode 148 - Some smart as Harvard student, and no clue how to succeed at life
Youtube link https://youtu.be/oo0S4O8hQvQ
www.HealingLives.com
Episode 147 - Secrets of Happy Couples
Youtube link https://youtu.be/uHe5Qy2TEK4
www.HealingLives.com
Episode 146 - Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs Explained
Youtube link: https://youtu.be/bTf4F2Vxvqo
www.HealingLives.com
Episode 145 - Who do we listen to about health and your immune system?
Youtube link https://youtu.be/apLIVIhTqlI
www.HealingLives.com
Episode 144 - Five Conflict Styles - A KEY to Success in Marriage
YouTube Link: https://youtu.be/OjCmmFVkPMA
www.HealingLives.com
Episode 143 - Be Honest About Marriage - It Gets Hard - It Gets Real
YouTube Link: https://youtu.be/tO9IdNC5IVg
www.HealingLives.com
Episode 142 - Resources for couples to work through - from the Holidays, to in-laws, finances, hospitality, extra-curricular activities with kids, your own hobbies, children planning, vacations, outings, pets, vehicles, gift-giving, & the biggest one - Church!
YouTube Link: https://youtu.be/L4dHqyfbsHw
www.HealingLives.com
Episode 141 - Ideas for Couples TO DO!
YouTube link: https://youtu.be/3lzyBtb-BqQ
www.HealingLives.com
Episode 140 - Reopening & Re-entry into a new normal - Please DO THIS!
YouTube link: https://youtu.be/GO3dUGo91Xk
www.HealingLives.com
Episode 139 - What is premarital or pre-engagement coaching
Youtube link: https://youtu.be/HwZ5-31oTMc
www.HealingLives.com
Episode 138 - Did you have realistic expectations when you first got married
Youtube link: https://youtu.be/4lHYpjWYPjk
www.HealingLives.com
Episode 137 - A Question from a listener: Conflict. We both reach a point of knowing what the conflict is. Another question is about Sex.
Youtube link: https://youtu.be/5BzvAap5vaE
www.HealingLives.com
Episode 136 - What are different models of “helping” for my marriage
Youtube link: https://youtu.be/o4vQf8SDhNg
www.HealingLives.com
Episode 135 - Notes as we reopen our world
Youtube Link https://youtu.be/DI6iAOqCGAY
www.HealingLives.com
Episode 134 - My Observations During this Quarantine
Youtube link: https://youtu.be/xtniQoeCXj0
www.HealingLives.com
Episode 133 - What is the Real divorce rate in the US
Youtube link: https://youtu.be/x5GAbPtLbmU
www.HealingLives.com
Episode 132 - What do I do when my spouse leaves and divorces me
Youtube link https://youtu.be/cdSu2hfX6V0
www.HealingLives.com
Episode 131 - Why do you think most people identify a fulfilling marriage as a goal
Youtube link: https://youtu.be/TjwYGCl-gqw
www.HealingLives.com
Episode 130 - What do I do when my spouse has left me and asked for a divorce
Youtube link: https://youtu.be/MN9q5KaI6KE
www.HealingLives.com
Episode 129 - What's next? Post Quarantine = An Increase in Depression Anxiety & Suicide
YouTube link: https://youtu.be/dTHhudvwvDQ
www.HealingLives.com
Episode 128 - Struggling? - What Are Your Questions
Youtube link: https://youtu.be/nKmA928JfyY
www.HealingLives.com
Episode 127 - New Book Announcement April 2020
YouTube video: https://youtu.be/uOD-ERdw73s
www.HealingLives.com
Episode 126 - Personal Story - Crohn's Flare Up Update - HOPE!
Youtube link: https://youtu.be/_Qt__Z9V0BI
www.HealingLives.com
Episode 125 - Ignorning Needs leads to temptation
YouTube Link https://youtu.be/hXRlFLfYFYM
www.HealingLives.com
Episode 124 - 1 Peter 3-5 - Be Prepared
Youtube link https://youtu.be/Qpsbv-MDdpU
www.HealingLives.com
Episode 123 - A Story about a A leaky gut and poor digestion - HOPE!
YouTube link https://youtu.be/pZX9Uk_vEIw
www.HealingLives.com
Episode 122 - Marriage isn't about a beautiful wedding - reailty check
Youtube link https://youtu.be/WNqdGXufBUc
www.HealingLives.com
Episode 121 - A strong marriage rarely has 2 strong people at same time
Youtube link https://youtu.be/buNHUuhtZKE
www.HealingLives.com
Episode 120 - Couples - Soft Startups are KEY when Entering Hard Conversations, Here's How:
Youtube link https://youtu.be/jXiAJgJD4ps
www.HealingLives.com
Episode 119 - Couples - Avoid Harsh Startups when entering conflict - Here's how:
Youtube link https://youtu.be/3kjhg8gJdH0
www.HealingLives.com
Episode 118 - Quarantine MUSTS - DO these things ASAP!
Youtube Link https://youtu.be/MTAPYQk7-30
www.HealingLives.com
Episode 117 - Parenting in Time of Quarantine
Youtube link: https://youtu.be/CMIMYAft6rk
www.HealingLives.com
Episode 116 - Marriage is KEY to Life Success and Health
Youtube link: https://youtu.be/Pst72EVz2hk
www.HealingLives.com
Episode 115 - Under Quarantine - Marriage Challenged & Success
Youtube link: https://youtu.be/lpfmPY5q2rw
www.HealingLives.com
Episode 114 - Under Quarantine - TIPS for Family Growth
Youtube link: https://youtu.be/JRcppErS4Pk
www.HealingLives.com
Episode 113 - My Daughter Mylie & I - on the Building Blocks of Confidence
Youtube link: https://youtu.be/NYFGmG2RxsU
www.HealingLives.com
Episode 112 - Mylie & Dad (Dr G) on Tips for Taming Your Temper
YouTube link: https://youtu.be/uWvck-90CFQ
www.HealingLives.com
Episode 111 - What is Your Marriage Missing?
Youtube link: https://youtu.be/ff_wgyIrFF0
www.HealingLives.com
Episode 110 - My daughter Mylie & I - It's Alright to be just a mom and wife
Youtube link: https://youtu.be/vaMXTbnY0Fw
www.HealingLives.com
Episode 109 - My daughter Mylie & I - Saying NO to Boy Craziness
Youtube link: https://youtu.be/KduAxX-HoMY
www.HealingLives.com
Episode 108 - Who Needs a Marriage Breakthrough
Youtube link https://youtu.be/x0CyzFttg-w
www.HealingLives.com
Episode 107 - Abused When Young - How to Protect Kids
YouTube link https://youtu.be/7DQfzJrzltc
www.HealingLives.com
Episode 106 - Parenting as a Team
YouTube link https://youtu.be/V_a24vWHOn4
www.HealingLives.com
Episode 105 - How old should my kid be before addressing gender and sexuality
YouTube link https://youtu.be/Czk98Ss337g
www.HealingLives.com
Episode 104 - How to Help my Kids with a Friend Transitioning
YouTube link - https://youtu.be/GzqyJsyTfHw
www.HealingLives.com
Episode 103 - Money is NOT the number 1 - it is the heart
YouTube link - https://youtu.be/FXzRcC1G8Ec
www.HealingLives.com
Episode 102 - Mylie & I - If You are with a Friend too Much it can weaken the friendship
Youtube link https://youtu.be/LZqenxD-Qnw
Episode 101 - Mylie & I - Getting My Period is Going to Be Awful - Lies Girls Believe
www.HealingLives.com
YouTube Link : https://youtu.be/XavNmoOJ178
From the book "Lies Girls Believe" by Danna Gresh
Episode 100 - What if I am Married to a Stressful Negative Cranky Spouse? What do I do?
wwww.HealingLives.com
Episode 8 - What is Business Coaching? Do you need a change of career?
YouTube Link: https://youtu.be/N3XsmUfgm94
www.HealingLives.com
Episode 97 - Who Stays Home? There is NO Roadmap. Make Your Choices Prayerfully and as a Team - Intentionally.
www.HealingLives.com
Episode 96 - Put Your Spouse FIRST over the Kids - even step-kids - BE an Example!
www.HealingLives.com
Episode 94 - At 11 months of Marriage - I faced a Life Threatening Event - The struggles that strengthened us!
www.HealingLives.com
Episode 93 - Sexual Abuse is treatable - Hope - Redeemed - New Life
www.healingLives.com
YouTube Link : https://youtu.be/fW-2MLoNeNU
Episode 92 - Hurricane Katrina hit us - How we trusted God and risked!
www.HealingLives.com
Youtube Link: https://youtu.be/dnYVCR-wAXI
Episode 91 - Your sex life is a critical part of your relationship - but NOT the whole
www.HealingLives.com
Youtube Link: https://youtu.be/vOzn-QyWVh8
Episode 90 - A Myth - Affairs cause Divorce
www.HealingLives.com
Youtube link: https://youtu.be/UfsHwIXLmog
Episode 89 - My first year of marriage in hospitals - happy and stuck - are you willing to stay positive in the tough times
Youtube link: https://youtu.be/2hTG_jDjvDw
Episode 88 - Q & A from my Facebook Group - The Healthy Marriage - bit.ly/thehealthymarriage
Youtube video link: https://youtu.be/zUBxhZabgMo
Episode 87 - Happy Valentine's Day - Radically transform your marriage and family this year! FIGHT for what matters!
YouTube link: https://youtu.be/qydbvKtE3NA
www.HealingLives.com
www.drcorey.org
www.facebook.com/groups/thehealthymarriage
Episode 86 - A client's death of their spouse and the generational repercussions of who he was - A Lesson.
Youtube links: https://youtu.be/2wqgjOvzNn0
Episode 85 - Your Marriage is Central to All your Success!
Youtube link: https://youtu.be/-o5yUyfibw4
Episode 84 - Teach Truth & Debunk Mistruths - 1 Timothy 1 - How are you doing this?
Youtube video of episode: https://youtu.be/MRIzIJC9j9s
Episode 83 - My lifetime job - to bridge the gap between me and my spouse
YouTube Link https://youtu.be/2-hN-80F94c
Episode 82 - A Myth - Marriage retreats are for hurting couples
Youtube version https://youtu.be/t1uazKXNy2M
Episode 81 - What do you remember about your dating and courtship? Focus on the great memories.
Youtube version https://youtu.be/WifpsR7We1E
Episode 80 - A parents worst nightmare is a wayward children. How do I love them well?
YouTube version https://youtu.be/4LlL4Gsl5f0
Episode 79 - Patient Heal Thyself - What if the answers are elsewhere? I found Hope and Healing
Youtube version https://youtu.be/An_kyKDCYQU
Episode 78 - Be the Start - Push to talk to kids about sexuality & gender - we must go there
YouTube version https://youtu.be/iOtSw18p6nE
Episode 77 - Is couples therapy just for fixing broken marriages
YouTube version
https://youtu.be/MNZJm3AsRpI
Episode 76 - Do you Fight well? This is key! Predictor of Marital Success - Conflict Resolution
Youtube version https://youtu.be/DESaG_2dEAs
Episode 75 - Mixed-Orientation Couples - a Joy of Mine has been to walk with them through this
Youtube version https://youtu.be/q-BQUhCiRgU
Episode 74 - Decisions - a baby is coming - A Stay at Home Parent?
Youtube version https://youtu.be/nNKShbuZMTQ
Episode 73 - Marriage is Difficult - A Smart Marriage Learn Skills to Protect the "US" in hard times
Youtube version https://youtu.be/oIWe0lSeHJ4
Episode 72 - Am I to Never Go to Bed Angry with my spouse? What does this mean?
Youtube version
Episode 71 - My first date with my wife I had no hope, was very Sick & on meds and no future
Youtube version https://youtu.be/GvHigIXYbQI
Episode 69 - Beginnings - I was Homebound our First Year of Marriage. Hope & Teamwork & a solid "US"
Youtube version https://youtu.be/GPoIeAqW5xM
Episode 68 - The Key to Your Kids Health & Success - is YOUR Marriage
YouTube version https://youtu.be/Un8kDGYbc7s
Episode 67 - MYTH - Common Interests will Keep us Together - MYTH - The Warrior Marriage (& Family)
Youtube version https://youtu.be/IqBtuR48dHs
Episode 66 - Tell your Love Story OFTEN! My wife and I met Online & Married 10 months later
Youtube version https://youtu.be/FWdFPffzJjc
Episode 65 - Sex is One of the Most Pervasive Problems in Marriage - Who you seek Help from Matters
Youtube version https://youtu.be/1ncrqEHa-14
Episode 64 - What do I do if my spouse is an addict? - Hope With Addictions. Hard Thoughts & ?'s
Youtube version https://youtu.be/tWlMOetjFoM
Episode 63 - Did you know that Great S-e-x- Does NOT equal compatibility?
Youtube Video https://youtu.be/YbyDAbkNPvU
Episode 62 - There are 2 Keys to Marital Success - Friendship & Commitment
YouTube video: https://youtu.be/L69iwp7hO5o
Episode 61 - What is the MOST important goal in raising my kids? What's the target? Marriage? Education? Leave the house?
Episode 60 - I want my kids to be healthy and succeed! What is the Best Predictor of Their Success?
Episode 57 - Want to know the Two Secrets to your Health? You might be surprised!
Watch the YouTube versionL https://youtu.be/yca3Ka0Zb7Q
Episode 56 - Steps 5 & 6 of 6 Towards Building a Healthy Marriage
Watch the Youtube Video version here: https://youtu.be/qTmSRrbyosw
Join my Free Facebook group at www.facebook.com/groups/thehealthymarriage
And download this Guide at www.thehealthymarriage.com
Episode 55 - Steps 3 & 4 of 6 Towards Building a Healthy Marriage
Watch the Youtube Video version here: https://youtu.be/W75UK7D2GOA
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Episode 54 - Steps 1 & 2 of 6 Towards Building a Healthy Marriage
Watch the Video of this podcast at https://youtu.be/JFS1X4AVWCM
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Episode 53 - Conversation with Mylie - Truth 7 - Your Family is Different - Lies Girls Believe
Here is the link to the YouTube video of this podcast recording -
https://youtu.be/zzg_9V-ypBA
Lies Girls Believe - by Dana Gresh
Episode 52 - Conversation with Mylie - 6 Factors of True Friendship - Lies Girls Believe
Lies Girls Believe - by Dana Gresh
Episode 50 - Power & Importance of Community (part 2)
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Episode 49 - Power and Importance of Community (part 1)
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A Conversation with my daughter Mylie about "The Big Lie' from Gresh's book Lies Girls Believe.
Conversation with my 13 year old son Alex about Chapter 3 of Preston Sprinkle's book "Living in a Gray World"
Episode 44 - Trauma & Your Child (and You)
excerpt from "I Can't Say That!" by Dr Corey Gilbert
http://www.icantsaythat.com
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Episode 42 - The "M" Word
An excerpt from my new book "I Can't Say That!"
www.icantsaythat.com
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Link to Preston's Book:
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Episode 40 - Dating
Excerpt from my book "I Can't Say That!" www.icantsaythat.com
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Episode 38 - Managing Hurts, Failures & Disappointments
Excerpt from my book "I Can't Say That!" - www.icantsaythat.com
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Boundaries And Choices
A critical dimension of our sexuality and sexual development are boundaries and choices. If those aren’t well established, we are at the mercy of our feelings, desires, and peer pressure. To live within boundaries requires us to step back, recognize the difference that results from living within these, and thankful for their protection. Ironically, it is these boundaries that give us freedom.
When I graduated from seminary and began my life as a Licensed Professional Counselor. I was a single twenty-five-year-old male in a female dominated field. Ninety-nine percent of my clients were women and most of my friends were female. I was terrified. I had an ETHOS drilled into me from my family and my training regarding the importance of boundaries. I also knew of a few cases where one accusation of wrongdoing had sunk a person’s reputation and career. I set up incredibly strict boundaries. These were for my freedom. Within these boundaries, I had less to worry about. Later, I was working at a college and was told I needed to loosen my boundaries if I was going to work with college students. I was surprised. I was also quite confused by the suggestion and wondered if I should loosen up. I quickly realized though that I had more freedom by using these boundaries and I added more — like never eating alone with a woman who was not my wife.
Boundaries are entrenched into your ETHOS at an early age as we learn from our families and absorb their energy and culture. As we begin to play that out in our lives, we free ourselves, adopting some of the constraints put on us by our families and dispensing with others. We — and our children — have the freedom to choose. Our culture speaks out of both sides of its mouth. On one hand we are told to be free and choose for ourselves whatever we want. But, on the other hand, if someone chooses to act with reservation, wisdom or within a biblical sexual ethic, they are ridiculed as if they made the “wrong” choice. Find freedom in boundaries, your choices, and in saying, “NO.”
How To Say “No”
Learning to say, “NO,” is a crucial skill. We are always saying, “NO.” In effect, every time we say, “Yes,” to something — we are, in turn, saying, “NO,” to something else.
Teach your children to say, “NO.”
Teach them to have the vocal and internal ability to stand up for themselves and have boundaries. Most of us are familiar with the concept of fight or flight. If we get into a sticky situation, we have a release of adrenaline and we are, in a sense, forced to expend that energy by fighting, or fleeing. However, there is another response — freezing — that has serious consequences since the energy built up by adrenaline and angst rarely gets resolved.
When men and women that have been abused or violated tell their story, they usually regret not having spoken up, fought, or run away. Instead, they froze. However, despite — or maybe because of — freezing, they survived. They made it through. Now many remain stuck because the energy that was built up needs a place to go. It needs to be released. From this experience, they quickly learned to remain small and silent. Their ability to say, “NO,” diminishes.
Example
Lisaand Bretthave invested in their children with a vision for their children’s future success. They started young, teaching and training their children in a biblical sexual ethic. As they went into each year of life with their children they also knew that part of the bargain was trusting God in the raising of their children. Hope in things unseen. We are not guaranteed tomorrow. Your faith must be in God and His work in the lives of you and your children.
Hope breeds a peace that passes all understanding. Hope expects great things as well.
Hope for the best things for each of your children.
I want you to be able to place the most important thing at the top of your goals in the raising of your children.
What is this most important goal?
Dr. George Barnaspeaks of this goal in his bookRevolutionary Parenting.[1]
What is your primary goal? With the primary goal Dr. Barna’s research found all the other priorities we may have for our children will work themselves out.
Hope for great things! Expect much!
Be intentional at preparing them well. May your children become adults that are “Champions for Christ.” — this ought to be our top goal.
[1] Barna, George. Revolutionary Parenting.U.S.A.: BarnaBooks, 2007.
Managing Hurts, Failures And Disappointments
As parents, we can do everything we are supposed to do and bad things can still happen.
Paulis a twenty-two-year-old that was taught a biblical sexual ethic, but chose to take his own path. He decided he had to try everything out for himself. Learning the hard way is a reality for many people. We grieve their choices. We love them. We pursue them. But we must also remember that these are their choices.
Juliannais eighteen and a survivor. She grew up in a great home with a loving, single mom that talked with her early, used micro-conversationsoften, and built into her daughter a solid sense of identity, strength, and a passion to live by a biblical sexual ethic. Her ETHOS was unshakeable. That is, it was unshakeable until her first boyfriend. She met a young man in college, and they began dating. By the end of their first year together she was a different person. He seemed to be sweet and caring, and said and did all the right things. He slowly nibbled away at her soul though with demeaning comments that she was not quite good enough. He would criticize her appearance, weight, intelligence, and decisions. Eventually, she had no resolve left and when he pushed on her boundaries physically, she had no fight left in her. She surrendered to his desires without a fight or a care. She did not realize what had been happening until it was too late.
I have heard this story numerous times from young women. The behavior of these “men” is disgusting and heartbreaking. This is grooming, leading to rape, even though there was no fight and no one said, “NO.”
Jillgrew up with a dad that loved her and she was a strong confident twenty-five-year-old even though her mom had left them years ago. Her dad was proactive, engaging, funny, and raised his little girl the best he knew how. She had a strong biblical sexual ethic — an ETHOS — and was excelling in all areas of her life as a teenager. She went to a party though and had something to drink that had been tampered with. She woke up the next morning in a lot of pain and bleeding. She had been “roughed up,” and was unaware of what had truly happened at the party the night before. Now, at age twenty-five, she has grown in strength and resolve to help other girls never find themselves in a situation like that. She has a passion and calling that, when combined with her story, has propelled her to make a difference in a unique way that only someone in her shoes could do.
Freedom From Shame
Shame steals everything — life, joy, desire, and a future. For many of us, our default setting is to stay here — to let it take up residence and settle. My hope and desire for you as a parent is that you can find freedom from shame in your own personal story. I want you to be able to see that when shame enters the story, it is only there to steal, kill, and destroy. Sound familiar? The marvelous truth is that God is a redeemer. Rest in this. Believe this. Live this out. Face that shame. Recognize that it only sucks you into a spiral of self-hatred and hatred of others. Realize that it only steals your joy and any desire you might have left.
Dr. Dan Allenderexplains in his speaking and writing how shame can be overcome. The unlikely source of joy is found in being broken. To feel sorrow and grieve your loss allows you to then find yourself in a place of gratitude with no room for contempt or hatred. You can now dance for joy. What does this dance look like? This freedom? This joy?
It is being truly broken and then, as Proverbs 31:25 says:
“She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come” (NIV).
What a beautiful picture of strength, grace, peace, and fearlessness that can laugh at the devil’s schemes as you rest in God’s perfect plan for your life.
So, what is the task for us?
First, we must address our story as parents.
What are you holding on to? Where are you all tied up by the enemy?
This can usually be found as you review your story.
I would dare say that we all have places in our story that need attention, care, and honesty.
Forgiveness
Paulhad to try everything. He made his way. One of his biggest hurdles in finding freedom for himself will be forgiving himself for the pain he caused his family and others.
Juliannadid nothing wrong. She knows that in her head, but doesn’t feel it in her heart. She will need to forgive herself for trusting him, even though there was no way she could have known. She faces the insurmountable hurdle of forgiving her ex-boyfriend.
Jillbeats herself up for going to that party and touching that drink. She has found forgiveness for the guys that raped her even in the vagueness of some of the memories.
Forgiveness is never saying it was okay. Forgiveness is loving someone in the way that God does — not giving them what they deserve for their actions or hearts. Truthfully, we all deserve one thing — and that is hell. By the grace of God, we are offered free, eternal life. Forgiveness is not something we do once we feel like it. It is a conscious choice of our own personal freedom. It is cutting the ties with someone that harmed us and still has a hold on us. This is so difficult for our emotions to grasp, which, if we are not careful, keep us captive.
Forgiveness is freedom. Be free!
Growth And Your Joy
What comes from relieving ourselves of the burden of shame and resting in God’s forgiveness?
We grow. We truly experience joy. We find freedom. We are who God created us to be — worshipers.
Let’s look at this from another angle. Your son or daughter needs to learn about this process. They need to understand about the real world. They don’t need us only for shelter. They need us to prepare them. They need us to prepare them for the hurts and disappointments that will inevitably come. They need us to teach them to stand up for themselves and for others. I was driving home from a movie recently with my oldest son and talking to him about the difficulty of going against the grain with friends — standing up for someone that is being picked on, or calling out dirty jokes and conversations that are disrespectful of women or others different from themselves as unacceptable. It starts with one. He can be that one.
Lead your children into parts of your story — your successes and your failures. This should be done carefully, taking into consideration their age, maturity, and discretion — meaning their understanding that some things that are shared within the family aren’t to be shared publicly. They will learn more from your failures if you will be honest and real about how these affected you, hurt you, and even hurt others.
Face YOUR shame over past actions.
Face YOUR fears of being found out and being unloved.
Model for them how to live FREE.
Share YOUR story.
Enable them to speak up, to say, “NO,” to flee when necessary, and to change the world around them.
You are the most influential person in their life from birth to about age ten. Around the age of eleven, everything changes. Remember, the teenage years do not have to be the nightmare that so many parents have with their children. They need to take more risks. They MUST learn how to fail gracefully.Let them learn this while they are under your watch so that you can show them how to get back up and try again.
This is a beautiful part of our calling as parents that began on the day of conception.
Prepare them to fail. Show them how to get back up.
Prepare them to face disappointment with a faith in God that brings them back to life, but know that this doesn’t always happen overnight.
Prepare them to face heartache with a trust in their God that He even has all those details worked out for their good. He is a gracious God.
Rest in that as a parent. Pass that peace that passes all understanding on to your children early (Philippians 4:7, NKJV) — the earlier the better.
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Raising Sexually Healthy Children
I am hoping that at this point your heart, passion, and desire is to lead your family with confidence and intentionality toward a biblical sexual ethic. There are many other aspects of our lives that matter as well, but they are beyond the scope of this book. Raising sexually healthy children requires commitment to a specific ETHOS.It then requires that we, as parents, learn how to pass that on in bite sized micro-conversationsas our children grow and receive information from the world around them.
A key piece of the puzzle — for you and for your children — will be found in how you manage hurts, failures, and disappointments. Too many parents and their children are trapped in shame loops that are generational.
Break the cycle. Find freedom. Find joy. Then, once you have found it, pass it on.
Imagine looking at your grown children and seeing that they have made thoughtful, informed decisions that they can defend rather than emotional and impulsive ones. Imagine being proud of the young man or woman they have become. Imagine a sense of gratitude for the adults God entrusted to you who have made the decision to be godly change agents in the world.
It Starts With You — The Parent
Jaredand Kendraknew that they both had rough lives growing up and they wanted something different for their children. With the birth of their first son, they began teaching him about his body, about sexuality, dating, and marriage. They continued this with each of their children as five more siblings were added to the family. They invited hard (and weird!) questions from their children and answered them the best they could. As a result of their honesty about their own failings, their stories of childhood abuse, and the role God played in their story, their six children avoided much of the pain and heartache that many unnecessarily face today. Their children did not all arrive at adulthood without drama or failures, but none of them had the excuse of ignorance or naiveté. As each of them walked through their adolescent years, they encountered struggles with pornography and dating when they were too young due to peer pressure. They knew though, without any doubt, what their parents believed, what their parents’ expectations were for them, and that they were responsible for their own actions before God.
All six of Jared and Kendra’s children eventually married and they were joyous occasions. All six of them remain faithful in their pursuit of God in their adult lives, passing the same down to their own children. Even though they didn’t have one hundred percent success in all of their choices, they each knew their parents loved them. They knew that God loved them enough to die for them. And they knew that they could choose. Through the knowledge given to them by their parents, they were better positioned to make their choices. They could clearly see the destination each choice could potentially lead to and they could “choose” with wisdom. What a beautiful picture.
Do you want that?
This begins with your one-year-old, your two-year-old, your three-year-old, and so on.Start today, if you have not already. Begin by intentionally helping each of your children craft their own biblical sexual ethic — their ETHOS.
Use short, meaningful conversations —micro-conversations — to plant seeds, and as you intentionally water them you will see them grow before your eyes.
Helping Your Children Develop Their ETHOS
So how do we pull all of this together for our children?
Jeffis a seventeen-year-old young man who has been trained to live by a biblical sexual ethic. His parents prepared him well.
He is respectful of authority.
He honors women and avoids areas of temptation.
He has struggled with pornography, but has chosen to die to those desires and fill his life with better things.
He has a great relationship with his parents and his siblings.
He has great relationships with girls his age and hasn’t dated.
He has a healthy view of marriage, thanks to years of micro-conversations.
Recently, they have led to longer conversations about the reality of marriage, its struggles, and its joys. Jeff is eager to leave home, see the world, and have new adventures. He has decided on a degree from a college that will set him up to have an income that will allow him to support missionaries, invest in ministries that change the world, and support the family he hopes to have one day.
Jenniferis a twenty-one-year-old young woman living on her own. She is watching her friends get in and out of sexual relationships, mocking marriage, and spending money like there is no tomorrow while they mooch off their parents to pay for their cell phone bill, car insurance, and miscellaneous purchases.
She remembers all those uncomfortable conversations with her mom and dad that helped inform her about her body, her health, God’s design for sex, marriage, parenting, and even friendships. She is very thankful that she can easily reject the world that her friends are asking her to join.
She wants a more peaceful life with less heartbreak, no scares of a sexually transmitted infection, no worries about pregnancy. She has financial stability and is willing to wait for a husband who will treat her with respect and as an equal partner in marriage.
These scenarios are possible due to daily and weekly investment into our children’s ETHOS. Our intentional micro-conversationshave planted the seeds and paved the way for a confident, resilient, young adult.
Will this always yield positive results? NO.
Your children have free will and can reject everything you have taught them. This is also why I propose viewing this as the long game. You must do your part, but ultimately you are entrusting them to God and to their own decisions, since they are ultimately not your responsibility anyway. That is hard for most of us to grasp, believe, and live out. We tend to blame ourselves for their every mistake, but strangely enough, at the same time avoid acknowledging how we have been a negative influence. Be honest with yourself in this process. Be honest with them. You both will be better people because of it.
Short, Meaningful Conversations: Planting Seeds
These are what I have been calling micro-conversations. They are not lectures. Sometimes they are a dialogue and at other times just a few sentences to plant an idea or perspective into your child’s heart and mind.
Remember that this is not about us waiting for them to ask a question and being able to respond. That is great and wonderful, if it happens, but is not normal behavior. The norm is to have zero conversations about these topics because children and teens will not bring them up on their own. So be abnormal and “go there.” Be abnormal and initiate hard conversations.
Do not wait until your daughter has a boy over and asks if she can go up to her room to study and close the door. She should know long before that even happens that this is not acceptable.
Do not wait until your sixteen-year-old wants to go out on a date alone and get serious with someone. Establish parameters, guidelines and steps that they need to take beforehand. Make these times early, helpful, and often — staying ahead of these crossroads where most teenagers and their parents collide. Stay ahead of this with micro-conversationsthat ultimately leave the decisions in their hands as they grow up, but leave your voice in their heads!
Colossians 3:23 is a stern reminder to:
“Work willingly at whatever you do, as though you were working for the Lord rather than for people” (NLT).
That is how we must see our work with our children—as for the Lord.
Intentionally Watering Those Seeds
As you go about your days, water the seeds you planted about pornography. Walk past the fifty-foot breast in the window of Victoria’s Secret in the mall and discuss its appropriateness there, what they are advertising, and how it impacts women and men.
Use scenes in movies and T.V. shows to open dialogue that leads into further discussions. Use news stories to discuss perpetrators and victims. To discuss harm. To discuss shame. Use these to talk to your daughters about being aware of their surroundings and what she should do if she is ever in a similar circumstance. Consider acting it out in a mild manner, so that she automatically responds rather than freezing.
Use family drama and the pains their friends experience to teach your children compassion, patience, and care for another in a difficult situation. Include all ages of your children. Listen to differing perspectives.
Be willing to be challenged. Invite disagreement. Let them learn here with you, so they can leave your home confident, compassionate, and eager to be a positive force in the lives of others, without compromising the gospel, Scripture, or their faith.
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Episode 33 - Conversation #4 with Mylie - Two Genders
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Episode 32 - Influences & Idols
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Episode 31 - My 3rd Conversation with Mylie - Honoring Parents
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Bullying
Is your son or daughter a bully or being bullied?
Were you bullied as a kid, or were you a bully?
I know that these are not the only two options, but it seems like the case.
A better question to ask of ourselves is whether our son or daughter is a leader or a follower.
A follow-up question is, if they are a leader, where are they leading others — toward good or evil?
If they are a follower, are they discerning as to who they follow and what they will do? No one wants to see their child bullied and most of us hope that our child will not resort to bullying, which is an indicator of weakness and immaturity. Instead, we want to teach them to be discerning in who they follow and in how they lead others.
We should attempt to inspire our children to be defenders of the weak and voiceless, so that they will stand up for what is right, speak out against evil, and be change agents for good. Based on how our children manage social media, smartphones, and entertainment, we have a clue as to how they will handle this responsibility.
A key role we play as parents is in how we treat other people in our lives.
How do you respond when a coach doesn’t treat your child the way you think they should?
Do you become belligerent and aggressive?
Do you speak critically of other children, adults, or teachers in your child’s life, which they pick up on and then mimic your disrespectful tone and stance?
Could they pick up on your prejudice toward minorities and act on that?
Parents need to engage with their children on these topics before they become an issue. It may seem like you do not need to have this conversation, but many parents are shocked to find that the behavior of their children away from home or online is quite different from what they portray to their parents.
Do not let yourself believe that your son or daughter would never bully someone else and so never speak to them about it.
Don’t assume that your child isn’t being bullied because they don’t tell you. Be the initiator of micro-conversationsthat take place day after day, week after week, so that your beliefs have weight with them and they know they can trust you.
Social Media
Today, most of us use social media in some way. Many people, though, do NOT use this tool appropriately. It is a venue for posting lies, comparing experiences, and feeling jealousy and hatred toward themselves and others.
Social media etiquette and ethics must be taught prior to our children having access.There should be micro-conversationsabout what one ought to post, and what is questionable. They need to be taught to distinguish between what is true and what might be a lie. They need to know that it can be misused, abused, and part of illegal activity.
Many teenagers and parents do not realize that naked pictures of yourself when you are under the age of eighteen is child pornography. Period!
Both the sender and the recipient may be liable for having these pictures on their device. It is critical that our children know this beforehand so that they do not have to deal with the consequences after the fact.
It is imperative that you impress upon your children in your day-to-day conversations that anything posted online or sent via email or text, is public and can come back to haunt them in the future.
The truth of the matter is that too many kids have killed themselves over what others have posted about them in a public forum or sent to them privately via social media. Social media has become another venue that a bully uses to harass your child. Teach them while they are young to think about the persona they are portraying online in ALL they do.
Teach them to be alert for others that are being bullied and to be the young man or woman that stands up for those being harmed. Teach them to use social media as a convenient tool to communicate and to connect with friends.
It can even serve as an extension of a face to face community where friends can share funny things. Keep it light. Help them learn to be careful about what they share — both in personal matters and about hot topics. A lot of false information is available online, and if they are going to be part of that world, they need to be wise to its ways.
Smartphones
Most adults and increasing numbers of teens and children have smartphones. I wonder if parents realize the power of the device they are entrusting to their kids.The computer behind the smartphone is more powerful than ALL the computers used in 1969 to get us to the moon. Isn’t that mind boggling?
So, what are we entrusting them with besides a $500–$1000 device? We are giving our children access to everything — to the world.
I call them “porn portals.”
On a smartphone, you can open Safari, click on Google, type in “porn” or “boobs” or “sex,” click again, and you will find text-based results. At the top of the screen are two additional choices that, if chosen, will alter your child’s life forever. The choices: “images” and “videos.”
Do you truly realize the implications of what our children are carrying in their pockets?
I will be the first to say that this is NOT about keeping them from everything — and I say this as a homeschool dad! This is ALL about teaching them, training them, and permitting them to steward some choices for themselves. The earlier they are taught to do this, the greater the chance they will have a strong ETHOS as they enter adulthood.
I have seen too many families that shelter their children and are then surprised when their child is getting around filters, seeking out videos and images they shouldn’t see, and deliberately disobeying family rules. Many have not been allowed to steward small things and now that they are older and MUST be prepared to steward greater things, they are ill-prepared. The key to preparing them rests again with hundreds of micro-conversationsover the course of time.
Smartphones are not bad — they allow us to track our kids and keep in touch with them throughout the day. They allow our kids to stay connected with friends and call us if they are in need or danger. They can give a child a sense of security. They are great for taking pictures and sharing memories with friends. They are not evil — they are a tool. Alcohol is not evil either, but if they are not stewarded well, both smartphones and alcohol are dangerous.
Who is talking to your kids about smartphones the most — you, or their friends and advertisers? Let it be you!
T.V. And Movies
Stewardshipis also critical when it comes to T.V. and movies because of the overwhelming choices that kids have access to. A lack of access leads many kids to seek out media elsewhere in ways that are more harmful. As you can tell, parents have a difficult task of maintaining the tension between free rein and lockdown. To do so, you must set a good example.
First, are you managing this for yourself in a way that you can confidently say, “Watch me?”
Secondly, what sort of micro-conversationsare you having about what they have already viewed?
I took my kids to see a movie recently that had a few scenes that were subtly sexual. I talked separately with each of my kids about those scenes. I was surprised by what they noticed.
My twelve-year-old son noticed the sexual and was uncomfortable.
My ten-year-old son just laughed and focused on the guy that was hit in the crotch — he is such a goofball!
My eight-year-old daughter thought the girl’s dress was beautiful.
What did your kids think about that scene in the latest movie or TV show you watched as a family?
I don’t know, I wasn’t there. They were thinking something though! Ask them. Let them tell you. Create a safe space to have those micro-conversations. Use specific scenes to highlight conversations about how someone was treated, about modesty, strength, power, friendship, and sacrifice. Use scenes to create dialogues about who they hope to be when they grow up, or what they would do if they were in that situation.
The more intentional you are about having these micro-conversationsas you are viewing various shows / movies, the more your child’s ETHOS will be crafted intentionally to look like yours. Be assertive. Be ahead of the game. Start when they are young. Any cartoon or commercial can be used as a teaching moment and an opportunity for another micro-conversation.
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Join me in my 2nd conversation with Mylie about a story of Talia from the Lies Little Girls Believe.
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Intimacy Challenged And Redefined
Consider the impact of these video clips on a viewer’s understanding and framework for what is healthy between a man and woman in marriage. This assumes that a biblical sexual ethic is vocally being taught in your home. This is not successfully accomplished with lectures and the degrading of others’ choices, but through micro-conversationsover time that lead to your son or daughter making up their mind to choose God’s design for marriage and intimacy.
Imagine how their intimacy will be affected after a few years of viewing pornography.
Imagine the impact that the constant download of video clips into their brains over the course of years will have on them if they decide to marry.
How will pornography influence their view of how they should treat their “love” and/or how they should be treated? This is HUGE!
This is why it is SO important that we become the small voice in our children’s developmental years to create a healthy framework for marriage and intimacy. They need to be able to recognize healthy touch so that they can discern abuse in all its forms. This requires that we be willing to “go there” and have thought through our own beliefs on the subject.
Is the use of pornography okay in marriage as a marriage aid? Is it okay to use sexual toys, dildos, props, sexy lingerie? Is it okay to engage in anal sex or mutual masturbation? Is it okay to “swing” with other couples? Where are the lines? Does the Bible have anything to say on this subject?
It is important to know where you stand on these issues so that you can have micro-conversationsthat guide your growing children. The Lord entrusted them to you so that you can raise them up
“in the way they should go” (Proverbs 22:6 NKJV).
Sex Over Relationship
A final aspect to consider is where pornography puts sex in comparison to relationship. Sex trumps relationship. Relationships require time, patience, managing differences, having conversations, and compromise. Sex requires almost nothing. A lonely future awaits our children if they buy into the belief that sex is “no big deal.” If you have ever watched video clips of porn or XXX movies, then you know that there is always something important missing in each encounter, despite the drama and cinematic wizardry. It is all “doing” and completely void of intimacy and relationship. This is a million miles away from God’s design. It is not about the bigger orgasm, longer foreplay, or the experience of ecstasy. Sex was meant to bring together a husband and wife to do three things — yes three things — provide pleasure, protection, and procreation.
Scripture is clear about our hearts, our minds, our eyes, and our bodies.Here are a few samples:
Job 31:1
“I made a covenant with my eyes not to look with lust at a young woman” (NLT).
Proverbs 5:18–20
“Let your wife be a fountain of blessing for you. Rejoice in the wife of your youth. She is a loving deer, a graceful doe. Let her breasts satisfy you always. May you always be captivated by her love. Why be captivated, my son, by an immoral woman, or fondle the breasts of a promiscuous woman?” (NLT).
Proverbs 6:32
“But the man who commits adultery is an utter fool, for he destroys himself” (NLT).
Matthew 5:27–28
“You have heard the commandment that says, ‘You must not commit adultery.’ But I say, anyone who even looks at a woman with lust has already committed adultery with her in his heart’” (NLT).
Matthew 6:22–23
“Your eye is like a lamp that provides light for your body. When your eye is healthy, your whole body is filled with light. But when your eye is unhealthy, your whole body is filled with darkness. And if the light you think you have is actually darkness, how deep that darkness is!” (NLT).
Romans 13:13–14
“Because we belong to the day, we must live decent lives for all to see. Don’t participate in the darkness of wild parties and drunkenness, or in sexual promiscuity and immoral living, or in quarreling and jealousy. Instead, clothe yourself with the presence of the Lord Jesus Christ. And don’t let yourself think about ways to indulge your evil desires” (NLT).
1 Corinthians 6:18–20
“Run from sexual sin! No other sin so clearly affects the body as this one does. For sexual immorality is a sin against your own body. Don’t you realize that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, who lives in you and was given to you by God? You do not belong to yourself, for God bought you with a high price. So you must honor God with your body” (NLT).
Colossians 3:5
“So put to death the sinful, earthly things lurking within you. Have nothing to do with sexual immorality, impurity, lust, and evil desires. Don’t be greedy, for a greedy person is an idolater, worshiping the things of this world” (NLT).
1 Thessalonians 4:3–8
“God’s will is for you to be holy, so stay away from all sexual sin. Then each of you will control his own body and live in holiness and honor—not in lustful passion like the pagans who do not know God and his ways. Never harm or cheat a fellow believer in this matter by violating his wife, for the Lord avenges all such sins, as we have solemnly warned you before. God has called us to live holy lives, not impure lives. Therefore, anyone who refuses to live by these rules is not disobeying human teaching but is rejecting God, who gives his Holy Spirit to you” (NLT).
Hebrews 13:4
“Give honor to marriage, and remain faithful to one another in marriage. God will surely judge people who are immoral and those who commit adultery” (NLT).
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In this episode, Dr. Gilbert and his son Alex discuss a range of topics from the ads/album covers on Spotify, to evaluating the lyrics of a song and the pornography inside of music videos. They discuss temptation, the importance of accountability, and the importance of knowing what your children are listening to and helping them to be able to make decisions about what they should view or listen to on their own.
Order my new International Best Selling book by clicking here:
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In this episode, Dr. Gilbert discusses why it is imperative that parens have conversations with their children, while they are young about what is and is not okay regarding nudity, images, and video. He also discusses how to handle a conversation with your child when you realize that they have been exposed to pornography.
For many of our children, the first time they view pornography they will not see a naked picture like many of us did. They are viewing videos of gross and abusive scenes that most of us would consider horrifying. How can we limit the attraction and draw of this powerful drug? TALK ABOUT IT! Be honest regarding its impact on YOUR heart and relationships. Explain that it distorts love, intimacy, and peace. Talk about your own struggles when they are mature enough to handle it. I know that can be tricky. Be honest. Be real. Be candid.
Pornography rewires the brain for novelty. It makes the ability to settle down with one spouse and find satisfaction nearly impossible. Today’s pornography is more shocking, abusive, and disturbing than ever before. It lacks true intimacy, yet the viewer is drawn in by the skin, bodies, and freedom that many wish for.
Nudity has a place and a context biblically. It is reserved for marriage between one man and one woman. Outside of that protective relationship, nudity decreases in value, is cheapened, and erodes. Ironically, our culture sees this as freedom. It isn’t though. It is bondage.
This is why it is SO important that we become the small voice in our children’s developmental years to create a healthy framework for marriage and intimacy. They need to be able to recognize healthy touch so that they can discern abuse in all its forms. This requires that we be willing to “go there” and have thought through our own beliefs on the subject.
Order my new International Best Selling book by clicking here:
www.HealingLives.com
In this episode, Dr. Gilbert and his daughter Mylie discuss the Lies Girls Believe and the Truth That Sets Them Free bible study that she has been doing with her mom and other mothers and daughters from their church. They discussed the "Girl Drama Quiz" from the book and other resources that accompany this one from Dannah Gresh and Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth.
In this episode, Dr. Gilbert shares some ideas of what should you do if your son or daughter expresses they have attractions toward the same-sex
Have conversations that are shaping of their worldview, but not demanding that they conform, or feel something they do not feel. The more that these feelings and attractions can be processed verbally and not in the subconscious operating system, the better. This could be with you, a caring Christian counselor, a mentor, or a teacher.
What you and your child believe about love matters. Some people’s definition of love means that others cannot use their own discernment, make judgments, or question anything they do. This person will seldom see growth or maturity. Other people have a definition of love that allows others to use their own discernment, challenge them, and disagree. This person will experience growth and enjoy their relationships.
Which of these is biblical? I would have to say the latter one. God loves us so much that He does NOT let us stay as we are, but expects growth, maturity, and sacrifice so that we become more and more like Christ every day. The first definition of love demands its own way and is looking out only for itself — not the other person.
So, what does care and compassion look like? Think of it this way: You are playing the long game.They may not be willing to listen to you today, so remain in their life, listen, be compassionate, show genuine care for them.
Playing the long game is staying “in relationship” so that when their life falls apart — and it does in everyone’s story — you are there and have been there as a constant reminder of God’s love.
Be consistent in your love for them. Wait expectantly for an opening to enter a new level of relationship where they may listen to you for the first time. Be present, even if it is uncomfortable. Choose your battles wisely, ruled by God’s love for them, and with care and compassion. What is this compassion? It is a breaking heart for someone you deeply love. It is patience. It is endurance. It is the long game.
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In this episode Dr. Gilbert and his son Alex discuss the responsibilities that come with having a smartphone, how their family approaches this topic, and the importance of communication between parents and children.
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In this episode, Dr. Gilbert discusses same-sex attraction. Some research points out that more than twenty-five percent of adolescents will struggle with their sexual identity during their teenage years. He addresses the common questions: Is attraction to the same sex a sin? Is arousal sin? How much weight should "attraction" be given in any of our relationships?
For some of us, our children are going to go through this struggle. A word of caution — be careful about how you love and encourage them in this process. They probably already know your thoughts, opinions and judgments regarding homosexuality. They do not need that. They need space, questions, care, touch, and leadership.You will hopefully still have permission to lead them — at least somewhat — so take what you can at this stage. Prayerfully walk with them, offering guidance through these struggles and questions.
I would encourage you to read the thoughtful books written by Dr. Mark Yarhouse and Dr. Preston Sprinkle for a compassionate Christian viewpoint.
In this episode, Dr. Gilbert's son Blaize, who is 11, joins the podcast for the first time. They discuss video games, screen time limits, and the importance of each family intentionally thinking through how they want to handle this in their home. They also discuss the importance of children developing their own relationship with Christ.
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Real People We Love
In this episode, Dr. Gilbert discusses the importance of recognizing the foundation for our sexual ethic and honestly evaluating if that ethic is informed by scripture.
God has a perfect design for sex and intercourse, and that is in a heterosexual marriage. Teaching this to our children is critical. Living this out is imperative. We also need to explain to our children why we believe as we do, so that they can, in turn, lead others toward good things, not condemn them. We ought to be full of love, grace, compassion, care — even worry — and then reach out a helping hand and be patient for God to do His work in the lives of those we are serving, in His time, and in His manner. We are just called to be faithful. Your theology matters. Your beliefs about homosexuality matter.
What does Scripture say about homosexuality?
There are five passages that specifically mention homosexuality, but these Scripture passages are quickly twisted and manipulated to mean something different from a traditional ethic. At this point using these passages for any debate or argument becomes difficult. What I personally choose to do is to stick to a biblical sexual ethic in a more general sense. Scripture clearly limits sexual relationships to one single place — between a man and a woman - within the committed marriage bed. There is no other place for genital sexual expression. This confirms a sexual ethic that answers questions about homosexuality. Genital sexual experiences are never permissible with the same sex.
A biblical sexual ethic rests in scriptures such as these:
Naked and Unashamed—Genesis 2:24–25
“This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one. Now the man and his wife were both naked, but they felt no shame” (NLT).
Her Breasts—Proverbs 5:19:
“She is a loving deer, a graceful doe. Let her breasts satisfy you always. May you always be captivated by her love” (NLT).
Lust = Adultery—Matthew 5:28:
“But I say, anyone who even looks at a woman with lust has already committed adultery with her in his heart” (NLT).
Become One Flesh—Matthew 19:4-6:
“Haven’t you read,” he replied, “that at the beginning the Creator ‘made them male and female,’and said, ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’? So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.” (NIV).
Remain Single—Better to Marry than to Burn — 1 Corinthians 7:8–9:
“Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I do. But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion” (NIV).
Sexual Immorality—Mathew 15:19:
“For from the heart come evil thoughts, murder, adultery, all sexual immorality, theft, lying, and slander” (NLT).
Acts 15:19–20:
“It is my judgment, therefore, that we should not make it difficult for the Gentiles who are turning to God. Instead we should write to them, telling them to abstain from food polluted by idols, from sexual immorality...” (NIV).
1 Corinthians 6:18–20:
“Run from sexual sin! No other sin so clearly affects the body as this one does. For sexual immorality is a sin against your own body. Don’t you realize that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, who lives in you and was given to you by God? You do not belong to yourself, for God bought you with a high price. So you must honor God with your body” (NLT).
1 Corinthians 7:2–7:
“But since sexual immorality is occurring, each man should have sexual relations with his own wife, and each woman with her own husband. The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife. Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. I say this as a concession, not as a command. I wish that all of you were as I am. But each of you has your own gift from God; one has this gift, another has that” (NIV).
Galatians 5:19–21:
“When you follow the desires of your sinful nature, the results are very clear: sexual immorality, impurity, lustful pleasures, idolatry, sorcery, hostility, quarreling, jealousy, outbursts of anger, selfish ambition, dissension, division, envy, drunkenness, wild parties, and other sins like these. Let me tell you again, as I have before, that anyone living that sort of life will not inherit the Kingdom of God” (NLT).
Colossians 3:5:
“So put to death the sinful, earthly things lurking within you. Have nothing to do with sexual immorality, impurity, lust, and evil desires. Don’t be greedy, for a greedy person is an idolater, worshiping the things of this world” (NLT).
1 Thessalonians 4:3–5:
“God’s will is for you to be holy, so stay away from all sexual sin. Then each of you will control his own body and live in holiness and honor—not in lustful passion like the pagans who do not know God and his ways” (NLT).
Hebrews 13:4.
“Give honor to marriage, and remain faithful to one another in marriage. God will surely judge people who are immoral and those who commit adultery” (NLT).
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www.HealingLives.com
In this episode, Dr. Gilbert has his son Alex join him again as they continue to discuss the importance of having regular conversations with your children on the issues surrounding sexuality and the importance of being part of a healthy community.
In this episode, Dr. Gilbert continues to discuss the importance of a biblical sexual ethic. The desire for love, intimacy, security and to be known are God-given desires, but they must be stewarded.
In years past, the church reacted to sexual choices that were outside of God’s design with criticism and anger, not redemption and compassion. A lot has changed over the years. One of the consequences of the church’s growth in compassion and understanding has been that young adults now increasingly believe that everyone should make up their own mind as to what makes them happy and embrace it — whatever it is.
The goal is that parents will be able to equip their children so that they can address these complicated issues with compassion, biblical truth, and a servant’s heart. My hope is that we will raise a generation that knows that the hope of the gospel is for everyone and the power of the gospel is that it transforms us all to be more like Christ.
Order my new book by clicking here:
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In this episode, Dr. Gilbert has his 9 year old daughter Mylie join him. They discuss her interests and the journal that she has started sharing with her mom where they can ask each other questions and answer them.
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In this episode, Dr. Gilbert continues to address how we address the issues of femininity and gender.
How would you define femininity and womanhood? Would your description include their bodies, personalities, actions, or character? Do you think of cooking and cleaning, pornography, empowerment, or something else? Your definition matters.
My goal is to expose some of your ways of thinking as a mom or dad about womanhood and femininity, so that you can lead with intentionality and forethought. Much of what occurs today in conversation about femininity is not well thought through and is reactionary. Some is abusive and offensive. I am saddened as a father and husband by the narrowing definition of identity centered on their body. The church’s definition has not been much better when it limits women with a strict definition linked solely to a woman’s role as wife, mother, and homemaker.
How do we counteract this as parents of daughters and sons who will be marrying one day?
Think about your own story and how the lies you were exposed to and believed impacted how you view God, yourself, sin, marriage, children, emotions, and your circumstances. We want out daughters’ foundational beliefs about themselves and their bodies to be based on TRUTH and not the lies she may be tempted to believe.
We should educate our daughters on the complexity of the endocrine system and that the food she eats, her exposure to toxins, and the fluctuating hormones in her body will affect her mood and outlook on life. She will battle addictions, anxiety, and the comparison trap.
Your daughter’s social connectedness is a powerful tool—and it can be both an asset and a liability. Each of our daughters were uniquely knit in their mother’s womb. Some are impulsive, and others are compulsive. Some lean toward sadness or anxiety. Preparing your daughter to know herself and providing her with the tools she will need is a critical part of raising a young woman into adulthood.
You have approximately ten years to speak into your daughter’s life as her primary influence.After that, life changes drastically. Our daughters are vulnerable and many of us are unwilling to engage in the hard conversations needed before they are twelve or fourteen. By the time they are in their pre-teen years, they are much more interested in what their peers and the media say than what you say.
It is never too late, but your tactics and approach MUST change after they reach the age of eleven, though this varies between children.
Over the years, what you have voiced as beautiful influences what she will see as beautiful. When you complain about your body, its shape, or that of your spouse, your daughter’s opinions are being formed.
This affects what they see as negative, unwanted, or unacceptable. The discussions you have driving around town influence them. Have you ever heard your child making a comment verbally that sounds offensive — even downright mean — yet you immediately realize that they are only repeating something they have heard you say? That’s painful. They are little sponges and mirrors. This is why the micro-conversations we have with them PRIOR to puberty matter more than almost any of the others we will have with them during their teenage years.
I tell my children, even before puberty, that they are their own person, make their own decisions, and, thus, are fully responsible for those decisions. This matters as we prepare them to bear the weight of more difficult decisions and their consequences.
If they forget to take something to school or camp, and you come bail them out, what are they learning? Are they learning responsibility, or that others will cover for them? Do we let small mistakes shape them, so they can avoid the larger ones down the road?
Prepare a list of the character qualities and skills you want to see in your sons and/or your daughters when they leave your home.
List ideas for how to prepare your child to meet these goals.
Have a conversation with your son or daughter about what qualities they (and you) believe are important in themselves, their friends, and the opposite sex. What boundaries in dating need to be established before their heart is involved?
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In this episode Dr. Gilbert has his oldest son, Alex, age 13, join him in discussing gender and modeling how to have these difficult conversations.
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In this episode, Dr. Gilbert addresses the responsibility we have to our children to address the critical issues of gender, homosexuality, and same-sex attraction from a biblical perspective with grace and compassion through micro-conversations.
Do you have a theology and framework — an understanding — that will allow you to share with your children the beauty and intricacies of masculinity, femininity, and gender?
Much of your children’s sexual ethic is established early on through observation of the world around them and personal experience. Be a source of intentional teaching and education for them.
I am not surprised by the gender questions that are filling the airwaves today. When most of us were growing up, some of these same questions were being asked by your peers or family who were beginning to buck traditional gender roles.
First off, I want to clearly state that the idea of two genders — and only two genders — is not a mistake. It is by God’s design. What you believe about that will shape how you lead your child. We are born male or female. A small number of people are born with ambiguous genitalia and this creates a lot of difficulty for their parents and the young person in knowing who they are. These families need incredible support and biblical counsel. The decisions to be made are also never simple.
Others are clearly born either male or female and this is determined in the womb. How this plays out individually is a different story. How you personally relate to your masculinity or femininity matters. But even more important in our psyche is how we relate to the image of who we think we are supposed to be.
My personal development was filled with angst, confusion, frustration, and questions — with no answers. This led to disturbing self-beliefs and even hatred, and this is not uncommon. No one knew that I was struggling — I told no one. I’ve learned that as parents we need to engage in these conversations with our sons and daughters because they most likely will not bring it up on their own.
Our children need to know it is okay to process ideas they have heard elsewhere. You need to be a safe place for this to occur, or secure a safe place for them to ask these questions in a healthy biblical community, with a Christian counselor, or even a trusted mentor. Don’t do this alone, but remember that you are the one on the front lines with your children.
Where do these conversations start? With you. Do not wait for them to ask. Do not wait for them to bring it up.
Engage daily in micro-conversations that draw them to a healthy self-awareness, identity, and a biblical sexual ethic.
For many, when they think of masculinity, their experience leads them to associate it with negative stereotypes of foolishness or aggression. And it is right to challenge these stereotypes and their damaging expression in our sons.
What are your son and daughter being taught about masculinity in your home?
What can you do to intentionally teach your sons and daughters about masculinity?
The first thing we should do is teach them about pornography — its allure and danger. This is NOT a one-time conversation — rather, it is a thousand micro-conversations that plant the seeds and thoughts of an intentional ETHOS in our sons’ minds. If we do not have these micro-conversations, someone else will, if they are not already.
Limit video game play and encourage and reward real-world engagement.
Make sure they are employed as soon as they are legally able. Teach and model a healthy work ethic.
Encourage dreams, passions, and interests that promote them getting outside of themselves and into the lives of others. Video games are often a selfish escape to avoid relationships with others.
Teach them an ETHOS of time management, relationship engagement, and investment in others.
Dads — we need to be engaged with our children. We are the leaders, whether we want to be or not. Be a positive example in how you talk to and treat your wife. If you are a single mom or a mother parenting with a disengaged husband, you need to intentionally seek out healthy male role models for your son to spend time with.
So much of our children’s future is dependent on our sons having a healthy, biblically sound understanding of masculinity. It is NOT aggressive, but can be assertive when it needs to be. It is NEVER domineering, but is a servant leader.
Spend some time in prayer and studying Scripture for yourself to see the characteristics of a man that the Lord boasts of and teach and model these characteristics to your children.
Have micro-conversationsoften about the sort of man you hope he will be, or the sort of man you would want your daughter to partner with for life.
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In this episode, Dr. Gilbert discusses how to talk with your teenagers about sex and sexuality. He also discusses the crucial role of independence in your teenager's life.
If the teen years are entered into with complete freedom and no boundaries, there is a tremendous consequence to that child, their future, and society at large. If this stage of life and development is entered into without the freedom to experiment and grow, they will also suffer consequences which, ironically, are often the same as the young person who had no boundaries.
Problems arise when parents fail to recognize and adjust for how their relationship with their child needs to change. They must be allowed more freedom and space to make choices. Every child is different and their unique needs and brain development will play into when this hits for your family, but be warned that it will come.
Adolescence does not have to be a nightmare. Paul David Tripp calls this life stage an “age of opportunity.” If this is true, why don't see those fruits? There are two key reasons that this might be the case:
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We continue parenting our teenager like we did when they were a nine-year-old.
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We did not prepare them well. The truth is that in the pre-teen and teen years we are beginning to see the fruits of the kind of person who developed under our care.
By age eleven, most of our programming and beliefs are already set in place in our hearts.
Puberty hits soon. Are they prepared for the changes? Help them enter that stage without fear and with anticipation, ready to be a young man or woman that will steward their bodies, sexuality, and gender well.
Through micro-conversations and the confidence they gain, your teen can become a leader among their peer group. It is natural at this stage of life for our children to begin pulling way away from us.
Dating standards, rules, and a biblical sexual ethic must already be in place by this age.Your child should know what you believe and expect, but also have been allowed to express and test their own ideas.
What kind of husband or wife do they desire one day? This sounds like a crazy question, but remember, parenting as you did when they were younger is over; and we must change our approach with them and even our ways of leading, conversing, and guiding them.
The truth is that for most of our children, their peers and media will have a stronger influence on them than we will from this day forward. Does this scare you? It should. This is why all the previous conversations matter more than ever. Ironically, this is the age that most parents are beginning these conversations - “the talk” - and it is already too late.
Your son’s masculinity matters. How he expresses his masculinity, however, is as different and unique as he is. Stand ready to offer advice, perspective and encouragement for the man God created him to be when his masculinity is challenged by peers or society.
Your daughter’s femininity matters. How she uses, expresses, and lives out her femininity matters. She is unique. She needs permission to feel in her own way, express herself, find herself, and become the woman God created her to be.
Our sons and daughters need clear expressions and boundaries when it comes to gender, its expression and limits. They also need to know we love and care for others that are different than we are — male or female.
All that happens now in your child’s life is an expression of all that you have invested in them up until now. If you have been intentional in their early years, then this stage of their life can be an amazing time of growth and maturity.
I am often asked, “How do we handle social media and technology with our children?”It is a quickly changing field and parents are being left behind in the dust. We have a responsibility though to prepare our children to steward this tool well. I have found that if I think of a smartphone (for example) as a tool and not a toy, it helps me to put it in its rightful place.
Today, the new sign of being grown-up is to have a smartphone. And just like a driver’s license put us behind the wheel of a powerful machine, the smartphone puts the world — the good and the bad — at our fingertips. Researchers are now reporting more and more ways that smartphones and other forms of technology are detrimental for our brains.
We need to model integrity for our children. Online tools have minimum ages and we should heed that at minimum. Many Christian families lie about their children’s birth year to give them access to tools they are not ready to have.
Purposefully decide what your child needs access to — and when they should have that access. Be able to articulate “why” to your teenager. I have known many adolescents who were forbidden access and kept completely away from all forms of technology and this strategy tends to NOT play out well.
What you watch, whether streaming or a movie, are key opportunities — tools for these micro-conversations. Dive in. Use pivotal, awkward scenes as the springboard for deeper micro-conversations. Discuss what happened between the characters. Ask if they have ever experienced something similar. Continue to prepare and build into the young adult in your home so that they can make decisions for themselves, and learn boundaries with movies and what they consume.
The key word for success is “stewardship.” We are responsible for our children, but the responsibility begins to shift to our teen as they prepare to leave the nest.
Our role is to provide guardrails that keep them on the road.
Remember the goal of parenting is NOT just protection, it is about preparation, and your child’s heart.
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In this episode, Dr. Gilbert continues to discuss the micro-conversations we should have with our children when they are between 6-10 years old.
Dating and Boyfriends / Girlfriends — Be intentional about developing a frame work of thinking about dating and relationships that they can own as they mature.
What is the purpose of dating?
What does boyfriend / girlfriend mean?
What is attraction, desire, and lust?
How do they manage these weird feelings?
Prepare them to say “NO.”
Prepare them to question a culture that deems them broken or same-sex attracted if they do not lose their virginity in their teens.
Inspire them with a desire for a marriage that will go the distance.
More Descriptive Anatomy and Human Reproduction Lesson. This is the time that you need to be sure your child has a good grasp of basic anatomy. They need to understand the human reproductive system so that they know the effect of bringing a penis and vagina together.They need to know the “why’s” and “why nots” of sexual activities before their hormones are raging and their decision making becomes further impaired.
Help them become protectors and leaders of a healthy sexual ethic. As they live amongst peers that have a very different sexual ethic, my hope is that our children would treat others respectfully and show themselves to be people of honor. This is a huge win!
Teach your daughters — and sons — about menstruation. Your daughter especially needs to know what to expect and what products are available to her. Your sons need to know that this is NOT something to tease a girl about and how to react when a young female peer has a clothing issue during their period.
Help them know how to process visual stimulation that is arousing by normalizing it. Explain to them that their thoughts and feelings should NEVER be their guide — this is usually unreliable data.
The “M” Word — This is a real issue. My first word of advice is NOT to be a parent that fuels shame. Be a redemptive voice. Almost all boys — and even many girls — will engage in this behavior. Be ahead of the curve and prepared by talking about it. It is okay to express your feelings and opinions, but be careful to refrain from pure judgment. This subject is covered in greater detail in chapter eight of I Can't Say That!.
Help your children to set boundaries. The family system invites this activity continually. Conflicts between siblings and parents require the implementation of boundaries. However, we as parents often do not model appropriate boundaries. For some of us, we deem setting a boundary as unloving, when it is quite the opposite. When this activity is simply operating in the background of our minds — like an operating system — it is less helpful.
The goal is to bring this out into the open via dialogue. Express where appropriate boundaries are with different individuals. You will most likely see improvements in your own boundaries at home and elsewhere. Discuss options and make decisions about what to do when boundaries are crossed.
It is not too early to talk to them about pornography. We discuss pornography at the dinner table and it comes up almost every day in some form or fashion. It is a normal point of conversation. We want to have talked about this so much that they have an almost automatic reaction when the door to porn opens so that they are able to close it. Expose it. Talk about it.
Help your son and daughter see for themselves why this is damaging to their future selves. You cannot protect them for long. You can try things like filters and avoiding all screens, but this only protects them if they are at home on your monitored devices and networks.
Pornography works. It sucks us in because we are naturally and healthily drawn to nudity and beauty. Create an ethic and ETHOS that is redemptive and not punitive.
Remember that the door to pornography, once opened, can rarely be shut permanently. I’ve often wondered why God chooses NOT to remove this temptation ten or twenty years down the road and have come to believe that it serves as a reminder of our humanity and need for a Savior. We cannot do this alone.
If your son or daughter has opened this door — and the average age is between six and ten — be a listening ear and a place of love, compassion, hope, and care. DO NOT punish or shame them for their behavior. Please do not do that. The voice of the enemy is already at work in your child’s heart telling them that they are dirty, broken, irredeemable—that no one will be able to look past this. That will need to be addressed separately. Prepare them for the REAL world they will face today and in ten years so that they can leave your protective nest and soar.
Sexual Identity — Many children between the ages of six and ten are beginning to question their gender identity because they hear what others are saying about them and they believe what they hear. We must be attentive as these questions tend to be internally processed and traumatic.
You can help them by painting a realistic picture of masculinity and femininity that does not tie activities to gender. Help them see that they are their biological sex, and this isn’t tied to the activities they enjoy or personality traits. The longer they linger on questions of identify the more they will question everything.
For some children, this confusion often centers on attraction to the same sex and they are wondering what they are supposed to do with these feelings. For others, it is a personality quirk. This may become a battle for some as they get older and wonder why they have never had a date or even wanted to go out with someone of the opposite sex. This is real.
Many, many, many preteens and teens will question their sexual identity. Most will settle it quietly and without worry or concern. Some will struggle. Many will be severely affected by these emotions and thoughts.
Help them take these out of the mind — out of the dark — and process them out loud. Many will not want to talk to their parents about this either. This is a critical place to bring in a trusted mentor and friend with a similar biblical sexual ethic who is willing to have these hard conversations on your behalf and offer your child guidance.
Several books have been written that can be of help to youth pastors and teens as they navigate these troubled waters. Do not do this alone. Seek counseling from a trusted, trained Christian counselor. Become knowledgeable by reading the work of those committed to a biblical sexual ethic, or attending conferences or lectures. I highly recommend resources from Godly examples such as Mark Yarhouse, Preston Sprinkle, and Wesley Hill to families facing these issues.
Love them with the long game in sight. We want to raise them in the way they should go, but for some, we may not see the fruit today or in the next twenty years. This is a sobering reality.
Encourage them to always seek God’s will for themselves by knowing His word. Help them to separate fact from feelings and identify thoughts that are intrusive so that they can consciously and intentionally decide for themselves. I know this sounds like we are talking about a twenty-year-old, but I have had conversations with parents whose children are between the ages of six and ten and they are questioning themselves and their attractions and desires at this tender age. It happens all too often. Prepare yourselves (and them) for this possibility.
Dignity / Modesty — We are teaching our sons and daughters about modesty and dignity every day and we can be intentional as we make wise decisions. Teach your sons and daughters to honor others and themselves — this is dignity. Help your children grow up aware of the impact of ALL their decisions.
Teach your sons to be respectful regardless of what a girl is wearing. Teach them that they are fully responsible for their actions and thoughts.
Teach your daughters when they are young to think ahead. Teach them to honor their brothers with their choice of clothing. This is not popular, yet still so important. We choose how we decide to raise our sons and daughters regarding dignity and modesty, and how those are defined.
Abuse / Trauma — Many parents — more than we realize — must deal with abuse and trauma in their children’s lives. The best parents, even those that are aware and involved, will miss something. Harm comes in all shapes and sizes.
How do we prepare our children? You do this by giving them a voice. By giving them tools.We also give them the awareness that even trusted people may not always do good things. This is a hard concept to grasp at this age. Prepare them with skills they need to fight or flee, so that they will not freeze when faced with danger. Run through drills.
It is key that you do NOT put too much emphasis on what your children say, since they will often tell us what we want to hear. However, we want to capture their hearts as that is what will ultimately guide behavior and the choices they make.
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In this episode, Dr. Gilbert discusses how to talk with your children aged 6-10 about issues of sexuality. Between the ages of six and ten most kids are looking for answers and they are ready for those to be blunt and explicit. Give it to them. Be honest. Be casual, but remember that in every response you are helping them form their belief system about sex, sexuality, gender, and their bodies.
Your silence preaches. Also, the world is speaking loud and clear through movies, music, online videos and social media about its beliefs on these things. My recommendation is to begin at birth and have constant, continual micro-conversations so that your kids can say, “My parents were always talking to me about sex.”
During this age range, our children are absorbing the culture of the home, as well as the world around them. They begin to absorb the energy of a home at birth, but somewhere around age six it becomes more about the culture. Their vocabulary is growing by leaps and bounds. Their opinions and personalities are not only being formed, but already becoming more solidified. Therefore, we must stay ahead of the curve regarding micro-conversations on sex, sexuality, gender and the various other issues they will soon face.
The average age a child in America views pornography is nine. Most of the parents I talk to believe that their child is the exception. I then talk to their children in college and those parents were wrong. Their children were normal, but were hiding behind shame, afraid of being exposed, living in fear and full of desire gone mad which is lust.
You MUST be the one to initiate dialogue, asking questions of your own. Keep the conversations short though so you can have them often—micro-conversations.
Be a constant in your child’s life.There are key areas that ought to be covered during this formative stage when most parents would prefer to ignore the fact they are soon to be young men and women.
Continue using the correct terms. It is very important that a discussion about masturbation occurs during this time of life. Are they ready? Prepare them for what they are about to feel, desire, and potentially obsess about if they are not careful.
Focus on a more thorough understanding of anatomy— as well as what is about to change in their bodies and those of the opposite gender.
Prepare them to face the onslaught of sexual images they will notice at the check-out stands, in entertainment, and people they pass on the street. Be sure not to shame covered body parts. It is about dignity and modesty. These are not “dirty” words.
Establish a foundation regarding dating now. Set the stage at home by discussing dating, the opposite sex, and attraction ahead of time — before they are even interested. Plant the seeds of understanding that other families and friends will expect a young boy or girl to date by thirteen or fourteen, but you want something different for them — something better — and this is why. Explain your ETHOS when they are still willing to listen to you and pray that they will take it in and adopt it as their own — for their success, health and future well-being.
Teach them about abuse more thoroughly — explain the real world. Help them see that there is evil in the world and that not everyone has their best interest at heart. Let them know that they have the right and power to choose, to say “NO,” and to stand up for themselves. Prepare them to fight back.
Help them to learn coping skills for disappointment and rejection. It is much better for them to face small hurts now and learn coping skills than to protect them from consequences and render them incapable of facing bigger hurts later in life.
Open the door for them to talk about sexual identity. Who are they attracted to? What should they do with these feelings? Is this right? Good? Okay? Biblical? Will I ever be loved or accepted or find that one person? I know that it seems like it is too soon. It is not though when you consider the culture and time we live in.
Discuss marriage on an ongoing basis. Use stories that you’ve heard, scenes in movies or TV shows, and occurrences around your own home to teach, train, and prepare your children to have a biblical sexual ethic.
You want this ETHOS in their heart before they are making decisions with their body. You want them to have an ETHOS that is so settled and strong that when they are faced with a choice to make, it is a no-brainer for them.
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In this episode, Dr. Gilbert discusses the importance of beginning conversations with our children earlier than we probably thing. He has observed that most parents arrive at these conversations too late, if they ever get to them at all. When these parents have “the talk”, they find that it has little impact on their child’s beliefs or behavior as their sexual ethic has already been solidified. You MUST be ahead of the curve if you want to be influential.
In their first five years, a child is investigating the world and absorbing everything around them. These years are a critical foundation for all that is to come. What happens, and what does not happen, in these years matters. Healthy touch matters. Vocabulary and ethic building occurs, even if very little language is yet present. During this stage of life, children are absorbing the “energy” of the home and environment.
Here are some pointers that will make this very doable — even fun.Remember, you are shaping a future dad or mom, husband or wife, lover, leader, and adult — even at age two!
Use every incident possible as a teaching moment.
Use correct vocabulary. When we use nicknames for body parts instead of using the appropriate term, we run the risk of creating shame around that part of the body. It is also beneficial to know the proper terminologyfor their body when they must speak to a doctor or if they are ever in a position to have to speak to someone about a traumatic event.
Be honest if you do not know the answer to their question, but then look it up and tell them what you found.
Challenge the stereotypes — have your son cook and clean and your daughter learn to turn off the electricity and replace a plug or light switch. Help your daughters gain skills and strength and help your sons grow in sensitivity and gentleness. Do not let them miss the opposite of each of these either. Help them see the need society has for men that are strong, yet gentle, and women that are tender with incredible strength.
Remember that our children’s preparation is on us as parents.We must remain vigilant on the front lines for our children’s sakes. We need to remain current in our knowledge of what is being portrayed in the media and advocated for in public policy so that we will be prepared to address issues our children will be facing.
The impact will be the greatest if you begin micro-conversationsin their first few years of life. This is setting the stage for what is normal. Will they still be awkward? Potentially, yes. Do they have to be? No. A lot of this will depend on our own comfort level, confidence, and conviction as we remind ourselves why we are having these hard conversations.It is because we want to be PROACTIVEin preparing them for what is to come.
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In this episode, Dr. Gilbert shares the importance of a basic understanding of human anatomy.
We are a sexually explicit culture in our entertainment, yet, overall, we are woefully misinformed and continue to pass on myths and lies as though they were facts. We pride ourselves on not being a prude, yet we refer to a woman’s vulva as “down there” or a man’s penis as “his thing”. We cannot talk about sex in a serious context without embarrassment, and most people wouldn’t know if something were wrong with their body, their spouse’s body, or their child’s body since they haven’t educated themselves. Knowing the correct terms becomes critical when harm has occurred and they need to have the words at their disposal to describe what happened.
Do you remember middle school biology and how the reproductive system works? Where does the egg meet the sperm? How does it attach to the wall of the uterus, and what is required for all of this to go just right? This process is nothing short of a miracle. Teach it to your children. Train them to be in the know. Make these topics a normal part of the family conversations.
Can you have a conversation with your daughter about her upcoming period and the purpose of menstruation? Can you help her be prepared and not feel fear?
Can you have a conversation with your son about how their penis is made—that it is not wood or bone? They need to be taught what is normal for their testes — their sensitivity, and how sperm and testosterone are made.
Stewardship will be a critical part of conversations you have with your children. Learning to manage their attractions, desires, passions, and lusts will be of utmost importance. They always have a choice.
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In this episode, Dr. Gilbert shares how fascinating discoveries coming out of the fields of neuroscience and interpersonal neurobiology reveal God’s perfect design of our bodies and our masculinity and femininity. There are no mistakes. Why do you do the things you do in the way that you do them?
Did you know that there is one interesting cure and/or treatment for many of the physical and mental health issues many of us face? In his book The Brain in Love, Dr. Daniel Amen states that sex is an incredible healing force—a medicine. He says, “Making love on a regular basis improved mood, memory, and overall health.” He continues to drive home the point with a study that found that regular sexual activity “decreased the risk of heart attack and stroke by fifty percent.” He concludes: “Hold the medicine, give me love.”What does sex do to and for our bodies? It strengthens and lengthens our life expectancy. Sex positively impacts and renovates our immune system functioning. Sex can also be associated with more joy, a reduction in physical pain, and improved sexual and reproductive health.
Researchers have correlated sexual activity with a decrease in the two leading causes of death in the United States—heart disease and cancer. This should have you very excited right now and anticipating good times with your marriage partner. I hope so. Let us look at each of these benefits one by one.
When sex and sexuality are in the right place in a person’s mind and body, the experience of sex tends to help reduce stress hormones. This also leads to a reduction of anxiety and a decrease in a person’s violent tendencies and hostility. The research also found that they key to these healthy benefits of sex was found in thoughtful sexual activity with a committed partner.
Matthew 19:5–6 describes the design in very simple terms, “And he said, ‘This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.’ Since they are no longer two but one, let no one split apart what God has joined together” (NLT). Marriage is the only context for sexual activity. One man and one woman only. For life.
[1] Institute for Sexual Wholeness. http://sexualwholeness.com
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Have you thought through your beliefs, or theology of marriage? What about sex in marriage?
How was this topic dealt with in your church, community, or home growing up?
The reality is that there are many influences that impacted the development of our ethic on marriage and sex in marriage. Some of the influences that tend to have the most impact are:
- Our personal experience
- Family history
- Lack of conversation (the problem of silence)
- Biblical precedent (and/or interpretation)
If we are not careful, our personal experience growing up in our homes and the surrounding culture will shape our beliefs about marriage more than the Word of God. Sex is now one of the most pervasive problems in marriage. If we step back, we can see its impact on many lives from abuse, pornography, and the objectification of women that affects the whole of society, degrading and impacting marriages as well.
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Chapter 3 - Sex Ed for Parents
In this episode, Dr. Gilbert explains why it is important that parents develop a theology of sex. We may say that we believe one thing, but our children can tell by our actions and reactions what we truly believe. We cannot eliminate sexuality but in practice we act as though it does not exit when it comes to our children and conversations. We must address sex and sexuality at every age. Research tell us that 70% of teens have engaged in sexual behaviors and so we must prepare them beforehand with knowledge - with a theology of sex.
Nancy Pearcey's book, Love Thy Body, explores the origins of many of the troubling problems we are facing today. Similarly, Christopher West, makes John Paul II's work, Theology of the Body, accessible to readers. Both of these works lay out a theology of sex and sexuality that encompasses the totality of who we are as humans made in the image of God.
Dr. Gilbert shares scriptures to remind parents of the importance of developing a biblical sexual ethic for themselves and their children that honors God and treat others with respect. We honor God with our bodies through the discipline of self-control. I appeal to you have celebration with chastity! Sex is to be enjoyed within boundaries. It is important that while we teach our children that God has established boundaries that we also tell them that they were created with desire and desire is not sin. Desire requires stewardship.
Your story matters. God invented sex. He love sex. He did not mess it up - we did. The Bible has a lot to say on sexuality. Examine the scriptures for yourself and prayerfully seek understanding of what this means for your family.
1 Thessalonians 4:3-8; Titus 2:2-8, 11-12; Ecclesiastes 7:16-18; Romans 12:1; 1 John 4:12b; Song of Solomon 5:16; Proverbs 5:15; 1 Peter 5:8
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In this episode Dr. Gilbert encourages us all to be lifelong learners - especially in the area of basic human sexuality. We MUST be willing to understand the basics of this complex subject from a biological, medical, social, and Biblical perspective so that we can pass it on to our children. The alternative is that we delegate this responsibility to other people who may or may not have our child's best interest at heart.
Do you know God's word and what the Bible does and does NOT say on the complicated issues of today?
2 Timothy 1:7 says, “For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline”. You can do this! You can be the teacher and the model that your children need as you lead with love.
1 Corinthians 2:16 “For, who can know the Lord’s thoughts? Who knows enough to teach Him? But we understand these things, for we have the mind of Christ”
In surveying hundreds of college students over the past 12 years, Dr. Gilbert has seen that students desperately wanted to have conversations with their parents when they were living at home, but their parents would not engage. Many parents wrongly assumed that their child knew "I'm an open book. They can ask me anything" and would come to them with questions or concerns. Parents, you must be the adult and initiate the conversation.
We must prepare our children to recognize that there is danger ahead and that they will face temptation. As they understand their own weaknesses, they can intentionally build community to come alongside them.
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In this episode, Dr. Gilbert encourages parents to go look beyond their children's behavior and ask questions that get to the heart of what they are really thinking, believing, and feeling. Have you asked them hard questions about sexuality, gender, and pornography? Have you discussed the current issues in the culture? It is imperative that parents recognize that they are always leading even if it is not always intentionally.
To lead our children into a Biblical sexual ethic, we need to do three things: 1. We need to be willing to look at our own story, the traumas and regrets in our past, and acknowledge how it affects us. 2. We need to consider our own beliefs on the issues of sexuality and gender. 3. We need to search God's Word for a proper understanding of these issues and for wisdom in how to love people for whom these things are more than just issues.
Research that is being done on the neuroplasticity of the brain encourages us that we do not have to be stuck where we are and that we can learn new things. Dr. Caroline Leaf's research on epigenetics shows that our thoughts affect our genes and how they are expressed. What we think and how we think about our work, our relationships, and our purpose determines much of our physical and mental health.
Commit to being a lifelong learner. Commit to be a person who thoughtfully builds their own ETHOS. Be a person who understand the culture and the pressures that your children are facing.
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In this episode, Dr. Gilbert addresses that we are not meant to live life alone, but that we are meant be involved in community so that we can be supported in our times of need and then in turn support others. In Titus 2: 3-5, Paul encourages those that are older men and women to come alongside those younger than them and model how we are to live in this world. Are you involved in a community of believers? Do you have others that you can go to with your questions or for prayer? Do others know that you care for them? By being involved in an intentionally chosen community, you put others in place to speak into the life of your children and you are able to speak into the lives of others.
When our children leave home, if we have simply used the years they had with us to "protect" them from the world, then they are not prepared to make choices from a Biblical sexual ethic when they are confronted with issues like sexting. Our silence on these issues is deadly. We need to be willing to enter into the difficult micro-conversations and disciple our children when they are still willing to listen to us. We need to be honest about our mistakes and seek forgiveness when necessary.
George Barna's excellent book, Revolutionary Parenting, details the research he conducted and the conclusions he came to on the "secret" to raising children who were still walking with Christ as young adults.
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TAKING INVENTORY
In this episode, Dr. Gilbert speaks to parents who are walking with their children through "normal" developmental issues as well as more complex issues such as gender, sexuality, and body issues. Deuteronomy 6:6-7 instructs parents on the importance of having regular, consistent times of instruction with their children on the as they are going about the routine schedule of their day. Much of this instruction will be planting seeds that take root as they listen to our words and observe our own behavior. When the time comes for your children to make their own choices, will you have prepared them to make a decision from a biblical sexual ethic or will their decision come from what they have been taught by peers and the media they consume?
Parents, our children are watching us all the time and they are silently observing they way we relate to work, interact with other people, engage in a higher purpose, and take care of our physical and mental health. We must first take inventory of where we are in relationship to these things so that we can be a model of consistency and integrity.
Your Health
Are you taking care of yourself? Physically, mentally, emotionally?
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In this episode, Dr. Gilbert outlines his new book and workbook that equips parents to learn and instill in others a Biblical Sexual Ethic. Having "The Talk" with our children is often too little too late, but engaging in hundreds of micro-conversations can be life changing.
Chapter 1 - Your Story: Taking Inventory Why Is This Book Different? Why Do You Need This Book? My Promise To You
Chapter 2 - Stop The Chain Of Ignorance You Are Not Alone The Change Begins With You The Student Has Become The Teacher!
Chapter 3- Sex Ed For Parents A Theology Of Sex A Theology Of Marriage Love, Sex, And Neuroscience Anatomy
Chapter 4 - Talking To Your Kids Birth To Age Five Kinder To Elementary Age (6–10) Middle School To High School (11–17)
Chapter 5 - Questions About Gender, Homosexuality, And Same-Sex Attraction Gender Questions Homosexuality Same-Sex Attraction
Chapter 6 - What My Child is Facing Today Pornography Bullying Influence And Idols
Chapter 7 - Raising Sexually Healthy Children It Starts With You—The Parent Boundaries And Choices Managing Hurts, Failures And Disappointments
Chapter 8 - Singleness, The “M” Word, And Trauma Singleness, Sexuality, And Dating The “M” Word Addressing Past Trauma
Chapter 9 - Building Your Personal Ethos Building My Personal ETHOS I Have A Plan I Commit To Living By A Plan
Chapter 10 - The Power And Importance Of Community Reminders And Challenges Community What’s Next?
Go Beyond the Book with the WORKBOOK where you can benefit from a walkthrough of Scripture and the book "I Can't Say That!" to build YOUR Biblical Sexual Ethic and prepare to lead and teach your children intentionally and with a plan.
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I am a Licensed Professional Counselor and college professor. One of the best parts of my job is talking to young adults who are away from home and on their own for the first time. In our conversations, I find that many of them have had little to no instruction from their parents on sex, sexuality, or the issues that surround these topics. As a result, they are making decisions that take them down paths which lead them further from the goals they have for their future.
By the time most parents get around to having "the talk" with their children, it is too late. Their sexual ethic has already been formed by their peers, media, and what they silently observed in their home. I want to encourage parents to have multiple conversations - "micro-conversations" - that go beyond "the talk" and equip their children to make choices from a biblical sexual ethic.
When families realize that they are in crisis mode with a child or in their marriage, the cost of counseling is often a barrier that prevents them from getting the help they need. The Family Launch Academy membership is is an affordable alternative I have created for parents that want to go beyond "The Talk!" The membership site includes training videos and other resources for parents. You will also find access to coaching, counseling and community with other parents that want the same for their children.
Find out more in my free facebook group at http://www.facebook.com/groups/familylaunchacademy
Dr. G
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