Parenting Successful Teens: Recent Episodes
Allie Irwin
Give your teenagers the skills they’ll need to be successful in life – how to get along with people, take responsibility, work hard, ask for help, and more. Join Allie Irwin as she cuts through the overwhelm and stress of this phase to offer parenting strategies for keeping teens on track.
If you’re losing patience with eye rolls or fear draining your wallet with pricey private schools, you’ll want to grab your earbuds as Allie offers the skills your teens need to be successful no matter where their next chapter takes them.
Imposter syndrome is the FALSE belief that your normal human feelings of anxiety, doubts, etc are because there is something wrong with you. Not true. You're fine. It's the belief that you're not already good enough that is the imposter. Not you.
Tune in this week to learn the simple strategies to break the mental habit of feeling like you're not good enough so that you can feel more confident, quit proofreading your emails multiple times, start speaking up, and enjoying your many accomplishments.
Let's connect: You can find me on instagram at allie.p.irwin.
The truth of the matter is that, as a Mom, I worked myself out of a job.
They will always need my love. And I theirs. But they don’t need me. And there is a grief there that is true. Over the loss of identity.
I don’t regret building my life around them. If I had it to do over again, I wouldn’t change a thing. But it's time to both acknowledge the impact I've had on my kids and to pick a new focus.
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I'm a big fan of maternal intuition (Mom's wisdom). But when are you being guided by intuition and when is it just a brain fart? An old story or unconscious bias? Tune in this week to learn a quick test to sort out when you're getting information that is helpful vs. following an unconscious bias that will hold you back.
We spring clean our houses. Empty our closets and sort out things that no longer fit. So let's give our brain the same opportunity to start the spring by letting go of old grudges, stories about our past mistakes and habits that we are ready to change. Click here to grab my Spring Clean Your Brain special.
Many parents want my help in getting their kids to tell them what's really going on in their lives. They do this both because they want connection and they see it as a way to keep their kids safe.
Tune in this week to find out the secret to getting your kids to talk to you about things that really matter. If you'd like to learn more about how having support could help YOU, we should talk. Click here to schedule a time to tell me what's going on and what you'd like to change. We'll talk about how we could make that happen. If you'd like to support the podcast (thank you!!!), click here.
Sometimes we get into situations where we feel a little over our heads. Tune in this week to learn 2 strategies to make those situations easier to bear. 1. Relentlessly being your own compassionate witness. 2. Borrowing someone else's belief in you when your own faith in yourself is a little shaky. If you want a coach on your side to help you navigate a challenging situation, we should talk. Click here to schedule a free, 45 minute call to explore what having support could do for you.
You'll leave the call with a clear idea of your next steps and feeling like it was time well spent. One of my clients, Emily, said "I thought it would be weird telling a stranger my problems but you were so easy to talk to. I'm so glad we talked and I got the support I needed."
We live in a world that is more conducive to anxiety than play. So play won’t necessarily feel good enough to entice you away from work until you rewire your brain for more joy. Your brain will say "oh you can go do that when you send that email...finish the dishes..." (get your work done) But your brain is a liar. She's a snake oil salesman. Your work will never be done. It will expand to fit your available time. Tune in this week to find out why play doesn't feel more enticing and what to do about that. Wanna play more? Need help with those pesky, joy-stealing thoughts? Grab my February special - 3 - 30 minute zoom sessions for $97.
You can give what you don't have. Moms do it all the time. You read news stories of moms lifting hundreds of pounds when their kid is trapped. Or Ben Carson's mom making Ben and his brother write 2 book reports a week for her, even though she couldn't read!
We moms are resourceful and I love that about us.
But all that giving causes us to go into a kind of Mom debt. This week, I'll unpack what that is and how to not let Mom Debt spin out of control.
Please take advantage of the Change Any Habit February Special by clicking here.
You don't have a photographic memory and neither do I. But we still place a lot of stock in our memories to be reliable and it turns out they are not.
Memory is a creative process. We change our memories, every time we think about them.
Tune in this week to find out how memory REALLY works and how to use this information to your advantage.
To take advantage of the 30 minute free session offer, do one of these 3 things by midnight, February 5th.
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Rate the podcast on Apple and a screen shot to allie@allieirwin.com
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Write a couple sentence review of what you like about the podcast or why someone should listen to it and send me a screen shot.
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Join my Patreon community here at any level and Patreon will send me a notification.
Then I'll send a scheduling link so you can find a time that works for you. Easy peasy 😊
My family had a recent "hiccup" that turns out is very common mishap with the young adult crowd. And it showed me how far we've come. So often parents come to me thinking that I'm going to take their problems away. Nope. I would if I could but that's not real life. I'm going to teach you how to stay connected to your own wisdom so that you can do what YOU know needs to be done. Sounds worse, but I promise it's better. If you'd like to support the show through Patreon click here. Want to learn more about what having me in your corner with 1:1 personal support? Click here for a no obligation call to explore what that could be like for you.
Many times parenting just feels too hard for too little reward.
So this week I share the framework I use to figure out where I'm out of balance so that I can get back to enjoying my family.
That’s what I want for you. I want you to LOVE this phase of your life. And the next one, and the next one. I want you to be happy now.
And if you want that too, Click here to book a free call where we will sort out what’s going on for you and make a plan.
And if this podcast helped you think about parenting in a new way, please subscribe so that YOU don’t miss an episode and share it with a friend. They'll be glad you did.
How can you tell, before you click, if an article is going to be helpful to you? Or will it just leave you feeling worse?
Listen this week as I deconstruct 2 articles in real time that purport to answer the same question - Why do kids of good parents struggle? Both articles leave their reader worse off but in completely different ways. By deconstructing them, I'll show you the tricks they use to get you to click, lull you into a sense of safety and then gut-punch you with guilt. If you are looking for support in 2023 to become more confident and have more fun with your family, click here. This is a link to have a free conversation with me about what is going on with your family and what you'd like to create instead. Together we'll make a plan that will get you there.
Serious listener question: I feel like I don't matter that much to my kids, now that they're teens. What do I do? Recommendations + fun questions: * Biggest Pet Peeve.
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Favorite Parenting Book
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Favorite Holiday Tradition
If you'd like to learn more about how to put the podcast ideas into action by working together, or if you'd like to work on something we haven't covered, schedule a free, no obligation call by clicking this link. Putting the podcast into Action ❤️.
These calls are free, fun, and feel like a conversation with a wise friend.
When it comes to parenting teenagers, your best move is to do things because you want to do them, not because you're banking on things like appreciation or even polite attendance as the expected outcome. Because no one knows what outcome will happen. So your best bet long term is to learn to pair activities that you can genuinely find joy in doing with your goals. Want my personal help in figuring out how to do that for your family? Click here to find out more about how having personal support could benefit you. The call is free and you'll leave seeing new possibilities for your family and with a clear best next step.
Improving your communication skills has long lasting effects on your kids. When they become adults, their perception of their own social skills is influenced by how they communicate with you. As parents, we can use the teen & young adult years to improve our relationship through better communication plus lay the foundation for our adult relationship.
If you'd like to learn more about how to put these ideas into action by working together, schedule a free, no obligation call by clicking this link. Putting the podcast into Action ❤️
Psychologists say that there are basically only 4 parenting styles - permissive, authoritative, neglectful and authoritarian.
Which one are you and which one is best? Tune in this week to find out.
I made up a garbage strategy for Wordle and got still good at it pretty fast while having fun.
It was a completely different garbage strategy than I'd been using for Duolingo that has kept my streak going for almost 3 years and 2 languages.
In this week's episode, I break these garbage strategies* down, because creating your own garbage strategies is going to make parenting your teens so much easier and more fun.
- garbage just means so simple that on my worst day and I feel like garbage they still work.
If you'd like to learn more about how to put these ideas into action by working together, schedule a free, no obligation call by clicking this link. Putting the podcast into Action ❤️
Raging hormones? Immature Brains? Terrible time of misery only to be "gotten through" or endured with wine?
None of that is true.
Tune in this week to find out what the latest research has to say about teenage brains.
If you'd like to learn more about how to put these ideas into action by working together, schedule a free, no obligation call by clicking this link. Putting the podcast into Action ❤️
As a recovering people pleaser, I developed an unconventional approach to make saying no or speaking up easier for me. By easier I mean I made it possible for me to do without having to majorly psyche myself up.
If you have trouble saying no to your kids, their teachers, you boss, the lady that wants you to help with the holiday fair...this episode is for you.
After you listen to this episode, let's talk about putting this into action in your family. Grab your free call here.
Society bills maternal instincts as a sort of magical knowing that all moms have that tells them the right thing to do in any situation.
So when moms feel confused or conflicted or don’t know what to do, it feels like something has gone wrong. Like their maternal instincts have let them down. Or they probably suck.
Tune in this week to find out what maternal instincts actually are and how to build yours up in ways that will actually guide you.
Society bills maternal instincts as a sort of magical knowing that all moms have that tells them the right thing to do in any situation.
So when moms feel confused or conflicted or don’t know what to do, it feels like something has gone wrong. Like their maternal instincts have let them down. Or they probably suck.
Tune in this week to find out what maternal instincts actually are and how to build yours up in ways that will actually guide you.
Today I share my "borrowed from a business book" approach to setting parenting goals. This is the process that set me free during the years when I truly struggled as a parent.
Take a listen and feel free to email me your parenting goals so that I can celebrate with you! allie@allieirwin.com
I thought I was listening to good parenting advice this morning until I heard this one little phrase. It was like a dog whistle for triggering mom shame.
Sounds innocuous on the surface, but loud and clear for its intended target.
If you've heard something that made you feel like crawling into a hole, tune in this week to feel way, way better.
Ready to really heal mom shame? Click here to schedule a free call to see what having private support could do for you and your family.
How do you define success for your family?
If you haven't explicitly thought about it, you are most likely following a definition of success set by elite colleges - good grades, lots of extracurriculars, maximum post-college earnings, etc.
Unfortunately, that definition sets most kids up for struggle rather than success. (Even the kids elite colleges accept because they end up defining themselves by those external measures.)
So this week, I'll share my unconventional approach to defining success so that you can create your own values-aligned definition and truly set your kids up for success.
Got questions? email me at allie@allieirwin.com
Ready to get started putting this podcast into action with your family? Click this link to see what a month of support could do for you.
Sometimes even "good" advice can trigger us. We read a book all our friends loved or an inspirational post, and instead of getting great ideas, we feel worse about ourselves as moms.
In this week's episode, I'll deconstruct some "good" advice that triggered me so that you can learn the tools of spotting and rejecting advice that doesn't work for you.
Plus I offer some fun historical examples from top parenting experts that turned out to be terrible advice.
What are you waiting for? If you've got stuff going on in your family, I want to help. Click here to schedule a free call to talk about what's going on and what you want to be happening instead.
I'll give you a big picture perspective of what's happening and then we'll talk about ways to shift that. Moms just like you love these calls even if we don't end up working together!
How do you get your kids to tell you what's going on in their lives?
You love them + you're curious + you want to help. But if they don't tell you anything, how can you help?
Because there is no amount of good parenting that lets your kid's skip "the hard parts", the best way to handle them is to know about them. And this week we'll break down how to create an atmosphere where kids feel comfortable telling you their "stuff".
Love these podcasts but struggle putting them into practice with your family?
That means you are ready to think about the next step. Working with me is the best investment you can make towards strengthening your family + not losing your mind during these crazy years. ❤️
Click here to set up a call to learn more about what that could look like for you.
Our human bodies hate change. They work hard to keep us at a stable temperature, blood pressure, etc. Otherwise, we'd pass out whenever we stood up or went outside on a hot summer day.
Similarly, we resist changes in our family relationships. Adjusting as our kids grow older and more independent is hard work. And that work isn't made easier by the familiar adage "everyone goes through it."
In this week's episode, we'll look at what DOES make changing relationships easier to navigate.
If you could use some help navigating the changes happening in your household, we should talk. Click here to set up a time to talk about what's going on and explore what having support could look like.
Moms just like you love this time to have a judgment-free set of eyes looking at their situation and offering a fresh prespective.
Parents of difficult children are the luckiest parents. Difficult kids give us get so many great opportunities to practice mental flexibility, unconditional love, live their values and become judgement proof. I feel sorry for parents with "easy" kids because they miss out on so much.
You get a front row seat to a creative mind, even if their creativity is not used for the purposes you prefer!
Check out this week's episode, it's a love letter to help parents see why difficult kids are so fantastic.
If you'd like to talk about what having personal support could do for your family, click this link to set up a free, no obligation call.
You'll tell me what's going on. What you wish was happening instead. And then we'll map out a plan to get you there. Even if we choose not to work together, you'll still think this was time well spent.
Being a mom is an endless string of decisions. Both the number of decisions we have to make (5 before breakfast 😂) and the high-stakes nature of decisions at this age can create a lot of pressure to "get it right".
So how do you know which decision is the right one?
In this week's episode, I will share the 3 foundational pieces to making decisions you can feel good about. I call it the Unicorn Decision Making Process.
If you'd like a pdf summary you can get one by using this link. (Don't be thrown...it used to be called something boring like "stop second guessing yourself".)
If you'd like to talk about how to get support building this foundation for you and your family, use this link to schedule a free, no obligation call. Moms like you love them!
So many Moms are worried about how much time their kids spend on screens. But what they don't understand is all the roles that screens play in a kid's life. Connection, comfort and much needed time to just zone out or numb out.
This week we are going to talk about the differences between comfort and zoning out as a way to help our kids spend less time on their screens.
And like all of the epsidoes we are going to help our kids by helping ourselves first. Because truth be told, you can't tell a teen anything that you aren't role modeling yourself.
Want help applying this week's episode to YOUR family? Click here to schedule a free discovery call where we'll talk about what having support could do for you.
So many Moms are worried about how much time their kids spend on screens. But what they don't understand is all the roles that screens play in a kid's life. Connection, comfort and much needed time to just zone out or numb out.
This week we are going to talk about the differences between comfort and zoning out as a way to help our kids spend less time on their screens.
And like all of the epsidoes we are going to help our kids by helping ourselves first. Because truth be told, you can't tell a teen anything that you aren't role modeling yourself.
Want help applying this week's episode to YOUR family? Click here to schedule a free discovery call where we'll talk about what having support could do for you.
Do you want to raise your kids differently than the way you were raised?
In this week's episode, we'll talk about how to keep the good parts and not let avoiding the bad parts become a trap.
Our unconscious mind acts a lot like a crockpot. Other people's ideas about how we should be get put in there when we are little, and those ideas simmer for decades. Much like ingredients in a crockpot.
In this week's episode learn how situations that trigger us today are based on thoughts that have been simmering in our unconscious minds for decades.
Identifying these links with help you be less triggered by stuff your kids say and do AND take the pressure off your current day self to "get it right".
Some days everything goes your way and other days feel like you are slogging through mud with 14 monkeys on your back.
In this episode, I'll show you how to create more of those easy days. And in the process create more of what. you want for your family.
Resentment is what you feel when you don't address your anger. It's a big ol' pile of all the things you told yourself to just let go or pretended you weren't made about when you were.
In this week's episode I'll share to how to not resent your own kids. Or more specifically the sacrifices you made and emotional slights you endured without so much as a thank you.
If you'd like to talk about how to put this podcast into action in your own family, click here to find a spot on my calendar.
https://talktoallie.as.me/HowcanIhelpyou
The call is free and you'll walk away with a clear plan of what to do next and how having support will make being a parent easier and more fun!
Oftentimes when we are having a disagreement and our kids yell "I'm not you, Mom" or "Stop treating me like a baby", what's happening is that we are seeing them through our Mom Goggles.
This week you'll learn how Mom Goggles prevent you from seeing your kid's situations from their perspective, even when you're trying to understand them!
The idea behind so much of "conscious parenting" and "gentle parenting" is that our kids are fragile and if we say or do the wrong thing we'll screw them up forever.
Bah. It's exactly the opposite. Putting pressure on ourselves to never make a mistake is what makes our kids fragile.
Making mistakes and then repairing them makes our kids strong. That process teaches our kids to feel safe and secure. It teaches them boundaries and self esteem.
Mistakes followed by repair are good for everyone.
If you'd like to learn more about how to put these ideas into action by working together, schedule a free, no obligation call by clicking this link. Podcast into Action ❤️
Most people would agree that parenting is hard. Really hard.
So in this week's episode, we are going to make parenting a little easier by introducing the concept of clean pain vs. dirty pain. By learning to spot the differences you'll be able to reduce the amount of pain you feel AND the amount of pain your child feels.
To apply these concepts to YOUR family, don't hesitate to schedule a free call with me. Our time together creates a safe, nonjudgemental space for you to get questions answered and put these ideas into practice. Click here to schedule.
When you are a Mom it is hard not to (at least occasionally) freak out! You are just going about your day and BAM...in comes a text and a fresh worry.
Well don't worry, I've got you.
In this episode, I offer 7 ways to feel calmer.
3 ways to soothe your racing, ruminating mind
+ 3 ways to help your body relax
+ 1 way to change your environment so you are less triggered.
Schedule a free call if you'd like help applying this to your specific family situation. It is a safe, nonjudgment environment to share what's on your mind and get some help & clarity. Click here to schedule.
It's your last summer togther before you become an empty nester and you're worried about what that's going to be like.
(Or maybe feeling guilty that you are counting down the days because of what it's been like!)
In this week's episode we'll talk about why the term empty nest makes things harder than they need to be.
For the special mentioned in this week's episode, email allie@allieirwin.com with "Empty nest transition" in the subject line and I'll send you the details.
Too often being a mom = being society's punching bag.
Cruddy stuff always runs downhill and Moms are stuck at the bottom of that hill trying hard to make things work anyway. That deserves admiration not blame.
So in this week's episode, we discuss having a zero-tolerance policy for smack talking other Moms so that we can create a culture that supports us.
Together we can make being a Mom mean being part of a super cool sisterhood rather than society's scapegoat.
Participation trophies are seen as consolation prizes that make people weak. (actually that's the kindest version 👈).
But just showing up over and over, even when it's hard or not your favorite thing, is a major part of being a good parent.
So instead of downplaying the impact of a single dinner...a single carpool...a single time you listened when you were tired...give yourself a trophy for hanging in there.
Participating in all those things adds over time to create a rich family life.
Do you want your kids to live up to their potential? You are definitely not alone. I hear this all the time from my clients and I get it. I used to want that too until I discovered that it was actually holding my kids back.
Tune in this week to discover why believing in your kid's potential sets your family up to struggle and learn ways to empower your kids to find their own motivation instead.
I'm in therapy. It's a stereotype, but I'm cleaning up some childhood wounds. And I made a discovery that I can't wait to share with you.
So if you think your Mom might have screwed you up, OR you are worried about screwing up your own kids, this week is for you. ❤️
After a big, exciting or stressful time people often tell me that I "just need rest". Argh. It's not that they are wrong, it's just how are you supposed to rest when it makes you feel bored and restless?
Listen to this week's episode to learn what's actually happening in your brain. How to use these feelings to help you break bad habits and feel better as quickly as possible.
My friend asked me for some tips on how to stay sane during crazy times. Great question because it feels like all the times are crazy times!
In this week's episode, you'll learn the Big 3 Foundation pieces that set you up for sanity when your days are feeling overwhelming.
Then I'll offer my 2 energy practices that you can do in under 5 minutes to reset your nervous system and help you feel calmer.
For the video version of these exercises, please join the free Facebook group No BS Mom Help.
Want to get things done and yet you feel overwhelmed by your endless to do list?
Check out this week's episode for a more playful approach to productivity. In this episode, I detail the exact system I'm currently using to manage the endless details of running a business while moving a household.
You'll learn how to set up your day in line with your values so you can go to bed at night feeling GOOD about what you got done.
Do you know what is the criteria for being a successful Mom? Is it the number of family dinners you eat together? Report card results? Happy kids?
There is no "good mom" governing body handing out certificates but it does help to have a clear idea of what you value.
This week I’ll walk you through 4 distinct criteria to help you get clear on which metrics matter the most to your family.
You don't have to wait to feel better until your kid starts doing the thing you wish they would (homework, help without complaining, be nicer to their sister). Or wait until they stop doing the thing you wish they wouldn't do.
You can feel better right now. And feeling better now increases your chances of getting what you want.
In this week's episode, you'll discover the 4 questions that can help you feel better right away and usher in new insights on your situations and the best way to approach them.
Build a strong adult relationship with your kids matters because you are going to have that relationship for decades. Even longer than the relationship you have when they are under your roof!
While you'll still always be their mom and they'll always be your babies, it's important to transition the relationship to an adult one in order to keep it healthy and strong.
So in today's episode, we're going to talk about how to make that transition from a parent - child relationship to parent - adult child relationship.
If you have a child that seems to enjoy arguing like a competitive sport or conversely won’t stand up for themselves in an argument, then this week’s episode is for you!
I will show you how to see this situation in a brand new way that makes it go from super frustrating to one that benefits both of you! No matter which end of the arguing spectrum they are on.
I kicked off the new year by picking up an old hobby, skiing. I was super excited right up until the day of my first lesson. Then I was terrified.
In this week's episode, I share the exact 3 step process I used to calm myself down so that I could give myself what I needed before the lesson, make the most out of my lessons and even enjoy myself.
What you'll learn in this episode:
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Clues for when to use logic and what to do if logic doesn’t work.
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The important step that most people skip that keeps them in a freak out loop.
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Simple 3 step process for calming your fears.
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How to know exactly what action to take when your brain is freaking out.
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Why doing this process creates a high return on time invested.
Despite what inspirational coffee mugs say, you shouldn’t forgive before you are ready.
If you push feelings of anger and resentment aside and too early forgiveness won’t stick.
For the full show notes and links to everything mentioned in this episode, go to allieirwin.com/52.
Commonly accepted wisdom says that teenage brains are all kinds of crazy. True, but teenager’s brains are specially equipped with abilities we lose later on. In today’s episode, I’ll show you what that ability is and how to get it back.
For the full show notes and links to everything mentioned in this episode, go to allieirwin.com/51.
Many Moms didn’t get the Mother’s Day they deserved. I’ve got 8 tips you can use right now to feel more loved & appreciated, regardless of how your Mother’s Day went.
For the full show notes and links to everything mentioned in this episode, go to allieirwin.com/50.
Imagine turning your demanding teen into a productive coworker. You could be doing better during quarantine because they are around, even if they seem to be hiding out in their rooms 24/7.
Tune into this week’s episode to learn the 5 principles that you can use to strengthen your family and make your quarantine time more productive.
Here’s the NY Times article I mention in the episode.
Many parents feel like "My teens don't respect me". But behavior that shows up as disrespect could be coming from a different root cause. So while you are trying to get some respect, your teen is fighting about something completely different. In today’s episode, we’ll be talking about the other causes of disrespectful behavior so that we can solve the root of the problem.
Respecting each other feels especially important now while we are all under the same roof 24/7. That means we have extra opportunities to practice listening for the real issue and building a strong foundation of mutual respect.
Learned helplessness is the idea of learning that we are helpless to change a bad situation. This week we look at how we may have learned as children that we were helpless to make our moms happy.
We grew up feeling "not good enough" about many areas of our lives, including parenting critical teenagers.
Understanding how this "not good enough" feeling developed is the first step in feeling better about yourself and raising kids who feel good about themselves.
Many people are waiting for some future moment when “we get our lives back” as if our lives have gone somewhere and we are waiting for their return. Savvy parents know we can create want right now with our focus. Tune into this week’s episode to find out how.
When my kids were growing up, I chronically felt like an outsider or weirdo around the other moms. Not to the outward eye. To the outward eye, I looked like every other mom in my town. We drove the same cars and wore the same jeans. But on the inside, I felt out of step with the other moms. So when things got tough and I needed good friends, I hadn’t made them and felt really lonely.
That loneliness I felt wasn’t because I wasn’t around people. But because I felt like I couldn’t be MYSELF around people. I was the proverbial “lonely in a crowded room”.
As parents, we need support from each other. But in order to do that we need to be able to tell the truth of our experiences. Otherwise any connection we make still feels hollow. It can actually make us feel lonelier.
Being a people-pleaser doesn’t help your family.
So understanding the difference between your desire to have a happy home where everyone gets along and being a people pleaser (even to your kids) is vital.
But sometimes it’s hard to tell if you are people-pleasing or just being nice. Because getting along or making your kids happy does feel good. So are you pleasing them or yourself?
In this week’s episode, we’ll dive into the science & social conditioning of people-pleasing vs. just being a nice person.
WHAT YOU’LL LEARN FROM THIS EPISODE * Genetic component of being a nice person. * Nature vs. nurture of people-pleasing. * What we can learn from disagreeable people. * How to tell when you’re people-pleasing vs. being nice. * How my willingness to disappoint my Mom changed her life (for the better).
When we are going through hell with our teens, it feels like we are stuck in parenting purgatory. But really it’s just 3 kinds of thought errors and we have the power to change them.
Listen to today’s episode and if you want help putting it into practice, I’ve got your back. Click here to schedule a free call where we will talk about what’s going on in your family, what you wish was going on, and how to get there.
WHAT YOU LEARN IN THIS EPISODE * 3 main thought errors that make the teen years feel like purgatory. * Relationship between the strength of your beliefs and the amount of your suffering. * How to change from feeling pessimistic to optimistic about your teens.
Being a mom can feel like you are constantly twisting yourself into a pretzel to make everyone happy. That would be hard enough, but when you get done...someone is usually still unhappy.
So in this episode, we are going to talk about how to make decisions that YOU can be happy with even when others aren’t.
And if you need help making parenting decisions that you can feel good about, I’ve got your back. Click here to schedule a free call where we will talk about what’s going on in your family, what you wish was going on, and how to get there.
No matter where you are in the world, right now you probably feel like you’ve got a lot to handle. From personal challenges like waiting for college decisions, to larger political clashes, potential pandemics, and the ever-present cold grey weather of a Michigan winter (voted 2nd toughest in the nation by travel site Thrillist). We are all having a lot of feelings we’d rather not have.
We try and put a smile on. Grab a sleeve of Oreos. Pour a glass of wine. Maybe schedule a quick weekend getaway. But once the glass is empty or there is nothing left but crumbs, our feelings are still there and nothing has really changed.
In this week’s episode, we are going to talk about how to process our emotions so that we can let them go. This will allow us to make good decisions rather than react in ways we later regret.
IN THIS EPISODE YOU'LL LEARN: * Difference between feeling your feelings and thinking about your feelings. * Why we avoid our feelings in the first place. * 3 different pathways for letting tough feelings go. * The BIG benefits of feeling your feelings before you make decisions or take action.
No matter how many great things I tried to do, it used to feel like I was failing my family in some vague yet important way. I'd be feeling pretty good on the rare days I got everyone out of the house without yelling, and then read an article telling me all the vital things I should be doing but wasn’t. Bam. I’d be right back to thinking, "I'm definitely screwing them up".
That's when I figured out an important piece of information... apple news doesn’t know the best way to raise my kids.
More important than praising them in some "scientifically determined right way" or "signing them up for music classes" is the decision you make about how you think about yourself as a mom.
WHAT YOU’LL LEARN IN THIS EPISODE * Why what you think about yourself matters. * Difference between thinking highly of yourself and bragging. * What you accidentally teach your kids when you worry about screwing them up. * Why your mistakes can actually HELP your kids. * Benefits that come with believing you are a good mom.
I often hear parents bemoaning their child’s teenager-y behavior and other parents comforting them by saying things like “Just wait. He’ll come back.’ And I get it because what they are saying is they miss the sweet, attentive boy their son used to be. But in so many ways it doesn’t make sense because you don’t want your boy to stay acting like he’s 10 when he’s 22 right? That would mean he’s going to live in your basement forever. No, you want him to be a fully formed, connected, loving adult man. That’s who you are trying to raise.
So this week I’m going to share a vital skill in the process of raising that fully formed adult - unlearning. Unlearning is the process of loosening up our attachment to “the way things were” so that we can get on board with how things are now.
WHAT YOU’LL LEARN IN THIS EPISODE: * The difference between unlearning and forgetting. * Ways unlearning can benefit your growth as well. * How unlearning sets the stage for healthy adult relationships. * 4 steps to go from unlearning the old way to learning the new way. * Cues to watch for that help you identify when you’ll benefit from unlearning.
Many parents feel regret over a relatively small thing they did when their kids were younger that they believe caused their child’s current problem.
The funny thing is that the incident can be so minor that when you tell someone else about it, they laugh it off. But it haunts you. If only you’d said no to the sleepover, yes to quitting the team, or made the time to listen that one day at pickup….
This week we are going to talk about how to forgive ourselves for those relatively minor “mistakes” so that we can set ourselves free and focus our minds in ways that help our families.
WHAT YOU’LL LEARN IN THIS EPISODE
- Determine if you’re partially right about your past mistake being the cause of their current struggle.
- Use your regret as fuel to improve your family.
- What to do when there is no “bright side” to look on.
- Three ways to look at your regret that will help you feel better and move forward.
In every conversation we have with our kids, there are actually 3 separate conversations happening. No wonder there can be so much drama and misunderstanding.
WHAT YOU’LL LEARN FROM THIS EPISODE: * Understand the 3 separate conversations we all have. * Learn how we inadvertently use our conversations as evidence when we dig in our heels. * Identify which conversation should get our attention and which ones shouldn’t. * When apologizing can set us free vs. let them off the hook. * How to drop the fight, even if the other person is still mad.
I am a recovering people pleaser and what I’ve discovered is that prioritizing other people’s happiness is a habit that we learn as children.
Time and time again as I talk to parents, they say that they want to parent differently than the way they were raised. They can even identify a moment when they were little and thought, “when I have kids it’s not gonna be like this!”.
This week on the podcast we’ll talk about how being discouraged as children from feeling our feelings contributes to people-pleasing as adults. So if your parents ever used the phrase “I’ll give you something to cry about” you’ll definitely want to tune in. Then we’ll talk about how to break that cycle for you AND your teens.
This week we’re talking about a simple change to make when you find yourself saying something with a “big but” in the middle like
“My son is smart, but he doesn’t study”
“I want to stay out of it, but she’s making a mistake.”
“I know it’s good for him, but it’s so hard to watch her struggle.”
I’ll walk you through a simple process that gives you a more clear eyed picture of the situation, and either more peace with it or power to change it.
WHAT YOU’LL LEARN FROM THIS EPISODE: * What the 2 halves of a “big but” statement mean. * What it means to feel your feelings and how to do it. * Why it’s important to feel your feelings first, before you take any action to change the situation. * Simple word swap that makes those statements more powerful.
Fights with your teenager are just part of being in a family. But savvy parents know the best way to resolve them and grow stronger in the process.
WHAT YOU’LL LEARN FROM THIS EPISODE:
- Avoid the 3 standard approaches many parents take that end up creating future problems.
- How to get yourself out of fight or flight mode so that you can talk more constructively.
- Why getting your way could be a bad thing.
- What to say to actually get your kids to listen to your point of view.
- How conflict creates opportunities that are so good you will almost (but not quite) look forward to it.
Often what annoys you about your teenagers is something that annoys you about yourself. This week we talk about how teenagers are nature's perfect mirror of the emotional baggage you’re still carrying around.
For example: If you struggle with making decisions --> you worry about the decisions your kids are making as well.
If you struggle with setting boundaries, you will go ballistic when you see your child not getting their fair share. You will be the parent that emails the coach or the principle to set things "right".
All your relationships are mirrors. But kids are extra cool ones because they are just so constantly right there, showing us where we still need to grow.
- Annoying neighbors --> You can move or avoid them.
- Annoying bosses ---> You can change jobs.
But having kids is an up-close, in-home, personal development workshop that runs 24/7.
When parents think about saying goodbye to their kids, usually the image that comes to mind is the big goodbye of dropping them off at college. But in reality, there are many goodbyes to the way things were. Changing times when you can feel them pulling away and get hit with a wave of nostalgia for how things used to be.
In some ways that “big goodbye” is easier than the small ones because we expect it to be hard. We plan for it. The smaller goodbyes catch us off guard.
This week I share ideas about how to process all those smaller goodbyes. When they ask to go out with a friend on a holiday, or even start looking at colleges just a little too far away.
You aren’t failing as a mom. You’re actually a better mom than you think. You just have the mom version of imposter syndrome and it’s hurting you.
People with imposter syndrome usually don’t know they have it. They believe that they really are screwing up. So if you don’t know that you have it, how do you address it? That’s what we’ll cover in this week’s episode.
If feeling better as a mom is on your bucket list for 2020, then I suggest that you set up a time for us to discuss how to make that happen. Click here to pick a convenient time. There is no charge for the call, it’s my gift to you.
WHAT YOU’LL LEARN FROM THIS EPISODE: * Symptoms of imposter syndrome to identify if you have it. * How our having a distorted view of our performance holds us back from improving it. * 3 main thoughts that create imposter syndrome for mothers (really for all people because it goes for work too).
How to stop feeling like you’re failing.
Doing a media detox will improve your confidence as a mom by helping you pickier about what media deserves your attention.
Articles with the “9 things the most successful parents do” make us anxious, while others use “mom” as an adjective meaning “uncool”. They are melodramatic on purpose to manipulate you into clicking the link and reading
Together we are going to do a media detox so that you aren’t bombarded with things that chip away at your confidence. And learn how to hit a mental delete button when something slips through your detox filter.
One of the most common things I hear as a parent coach is: “How will coaching me help my child?”
This is such a great question because underlying the question is the thought that what the parent does, doesn’t matter. Because if you are saying that changing how you think and act won’t change your child’s behavior, you are saying to a certain degree that your parenting doesn’t matter.
But we don’t really believe that because in that same conversation the parent will say some version of “Why is he acting this way?” He was raised better.”
So we are caught in between believing that our actions matter to our kids and believing they don’t. And in a way, you are exactly right. Your actions matter a lot. And not at all.
But in today’s podcast we are going to look at that truth in a more helpful way.
WHAT YOU’LL LEARN FROM THIS EPISODE
- The difference between having interactions and transactions with your kids.
- Why it’s developmentally important to shift from one to the other.
- How transactions tempt us with the illusion of control.
- How interactions form a strong foundation for a healthy adult relationship with your kids.
- What YOU’LL gain from making that shift with your kids.
If you could use some help developing a stronger relationship, we should talk.
Click here for a link to my calendar to set up a call. On that call we’ll talk specifically about what’s going on in your family. You’ll leave the call with a clearer understanding of what’s really happening and a concrete idea you can put into practice right away.
I’ve received lots of great questions from you guys, so I thought I’d bring you the first Listener Q&A episode! This week we answer the listener question, “How do I get my teen to stop wasting money?” The answer applies to all the “overdoing” that teens do.
WHAT YOU’LL LEARN FROM THIS EPISODE: * Why it’s so hard to say no. * Why willpower doesn’t work when it comes to saying no. * My mirroring principle that is at the heart of so many parent-teen struggles. * Sneaky thoughts that trip us up and make it hard to say no. * Why we can’t help our kids until we help ourselves.
One day while playing with my kids, I wondered “Does my Mom love me as much as I love my kids?”. Answering that question, changed our relationship. Now I’m reaping the benefits with my own children.
Today we are talking about how to feel better when you’re annoyed with your kids. When you’ve found your gas tank on empty again or an 11:00 request to proofread their English paper.
Most parenting articles focus on changing your child’s behavior so that they will be less annoying. And while we are all working to raise responsible, non-annoying kids, there are things we can do right now to feel better.
Have questions on how to feel better and be less annoyed as a mom? Schedule a free 30 minute call where we will
If you want to be less annoyed and feel better as a mom, I highly encourage you to schedule a free call with me. We’ll talk specifically about what’s going on in your family. You’ll leave the call with a clearer understanding of what’s really happening and a concrete idea you can put into practice right away. Click here to schedule.
When our teens struggle it’s natural to want to find an expert to help (therapist, tutor, music program, coach, etc). But what if you are the expert they need the most?
WHAT YOU’LL LEARN FROM THIS EPISODE:
- The 2 traps parents fall into that make us feel powerless to help.
- How our biology sets us to feel terrible when our kids are struggling.
- The hurtful messages you might be sending by mistake.
- Why you are uniquely gifted to be the ultimate expert on your child.
- Exactly where to invest in expert advice that will have the most impact on your family.
- The skills you need to develop to become the ultimate expert.
**Helping parents become the experts their family needs is the exact work I do with my clients. We’ll work through all the reasons you feel powerless to help your teen (including the fact they tune you out and ignore your brilliant advice!).
When we are done, not only will your teens be on a better track, your whole family will be happier. Raising teens can be a wild ride and it helps to have a road map. {*Get started now.}*
Learning to tell a better story helps us raise successful kids because the way we describe a situation determines how much power we have to change it. The good news is, there are multiple, true ways to tell any story.
For example, your kids say there is nothing to eat. You say “I just bought $400 worth of groceries.” Your child’s version feels true to them because they were hoping there was still leftover pizza. So when they tell you there is nothing to eat, they don’t notice the cereal, the sandwich fixings, and the burrito bowls. Perspective matters.
Storytelling also plays out in the ways we talk about ourselves and our children. If you tell the story that your teen is irresponsible, you limit your ability to help them become more responsible. You get more of what you expect, so why not expect more? This week I’m going to show you how to expect more, by telling your stories in constructive ways.
WHAT YOU’LL LEARN FROM THIS EPISODE:
- Hear how the same story told three different ways takes me from stumbling alcoholic to excited friend to concerned citizen.
- Learn how the stories we tell reinforces themselves and create more of the same.
- Show how the story we tell limits the solutions we think of and how changing the story expands the available solutions.
Why do people get into arguments about toilet paper? Which way it goes? Who isn’t replacing it? Why it’s sitting on top of the holder?
Changing the roll takes about 10 seconds. Fighting about it takes 5 minutes. Or longer if you turn it into a discussion about how you do “all the work around here”.
If this argument sounds familiar, today’s episode is for you. When we get into arguments like this, we are confusing a “thinking” problems with “doing” problems. We think we wouldn’t be mad if they would just change the roll. But we don’t have to let annoyances like this put us in a bad mood.
It may seem like a tiny thing, but we multiply these tiny arguments over the course of our days and our weeks and create so much stress for ourselves.
So this week I’m showing you a new way to see these problems so that you can stop being annoyed and experience more peace in your home.
WHAT YOU’LL LEARN FROM THIS EPISODE:
- The difference between thinking problems and doing problems.
- How our biology sets us to solve thinking problems with doing solutions.
- Why we get in fights over simple requests like unloading the dishwasher.
- What my neighbor did to interrupt the episode with a perfect example.
- How solving my thinking problems role modeled it for my son.
- Why getting on top of thinking problems now will give you less stressful holiday season.
Many parents struggle with helping their kids choose a major. This makes sense because choosing a major feels like a very big decision for an 18-year-old and a very expensive decision for their parents.
So many families turn to aptitude tests and college consultants to help them make wise choices. But students who use college consultants still end up changing colleges and majors. These “experts” don’t have crystal balls and can push your students towards a particular path before the student has tried enough things to know what they like or dislike.
Join me today to discover a better way for your kids to get to know their own skills and talents. Hiring an “expert college consultant” seems like it would be useful but I’m going to show you why it doesn’t work like you think it will and what you can do instead.
Managing emotional triggers is vital because we’ve all had gotten triggered out of the blue by a casual comment from a friend or family member. They may not even know what they said that set you off, but you sure do. Emotions flood your body and it feels like you have tunnel vision.
In this episode we cover
- Who is the real source of an emotional trigger?
- Why avoiding emotional triggers won’t work.
- Manage emotional triggers when they happen.
- How to use emotional triggers to improve your life.
If you need help putting this episode practice, don’t hesitate to send
me an email at parentingsuccessfulteens@gmail.com or by booking a
free 1 hour call with me at www.allieirwin.com.
Today we are talking about the excessive pressure to excel that students at high achieving high schools feel.
In this episode, we’ll cover
- Surprising data points about crime rates, substance abuse, and clinical depression at high achieving high schools.
- Where is all the pressure on these students come from?
- What parents can do to mitigate the stress and pressure their teens feel.
- Good news about how to get the benefits of the schools (great class offerings & extracurriculars, good teachers, etc.) without the bad parts.
If you need help putting this episode into practice, don’t hesitate to send me an email at parentingsuccessfulteens@gmail.com or by booking a free 1-hour call with me at www.allieirwin.com.
Today we are talking about how to motivate a teenager to do difficult homework. Parents try all kinds of tactics - bribes, nagging, yelling, taking their phone away, etc. And it kind of works if you can figure out a kid’s currency, you can get them to do things by taking it away.
But that sucks for you because you become a nag or an enforcer and it sucks for them because they don’t develop their own internal motivation.
Today we are going to learn how to help your kids develop internal motivation. In this episode, we cover:
- Which 3 things motivate teens (all humans actually).
- What teens are actually saying to themselves when they are avoiding homework.
- How their attempts to motivate themselves make it harder to get work done.
- Why relying on willpower doesn’t work.
- How inspirational Instagram “No pain, No Gain” quotes get it wrong
- Where to offer rewards to make them work.
Teaching teenagers how to put their brain to work for them and develop their own internal motive is really the best gift we can give them. If you have any questions don’t hesitate to reach out to me at allie@allieirwin.com.
Myers Briggs, Disc Assessment, and the Enneagram personality tests, are these tests worthwhile for parents? There are almost as many personality tests as there are people! But do they actually help us know who we are and why we act the way we do? Or are they a waste of time at best and even potentially harmful.
This week we are talking about personality. We, as humans, love taking personality quizzes. We love discovering everything from our strengths to our values to what bred of dog we are most like (golden retreiver). It’s easy to see the allure! We’re promised that if we answer 30 simple questions, the algorithm will tell us what kind of person we are and why we do what we do.
But most personality tests are pseudoscience at best, and even the best ones need to be taken with a grain of salt. So, I’ve compiled a list of 5 things to keep in mind when we take a personality test in order to get the most out of them.
What you’ll learn from this episode:
- Difference between a characteristic and a character flaw!
- How Myers Briggs, DISC (and personality tests like those) get it wrong.
- Getting rid of the idea that there are good characteristics and bad ones. Characteristics as neither positive nor negative until we think they are.
- Why personality is more like a volume slider than a fixed characteristic.
- Over simplifying behavior overs simplifies people in a way that prevents people from getting the help they need.
- What key idea parents of “difficult” children are missing out on.
Understanding your personality and reprogramming your brain to take maximum advantage of it, benefits both you and your family. It takes consistent support and accountability but the benefits are huge! That’s why I want you to schedule a time to talk about how I could help you. Click here to set a free 45 minute call where we focus on your old beliefs and the new ones you’d like to have.
Do you believe that worrying is just part of being a Mom? That it comes with the territory?
If so, you might have worry and conscientiousness confused. Conscientiousness helps us move forward and do a good job as a mom. Worry keeps us spinning in our tracks. Worry is conscientiousness tipped over into perfectionism.
I don’t want you to miss out on enjoying these years. Having teenagers is so much more fun when you aren’t experiencing the chronic stress of worry.
What you’ll learn from this episode:
- Spot the difference between worry & conscientiousness.
- Learn the physical pathway that worry takes (It’s super cool that science can show us what is happening in our brain when we worry).
- Why worry makes us bad problem solvers.
- How worry robs us of a good time with our family.
Reprogramming your brain to break the worry habit benefits both you and your family. It takes consistent support and accountability but the benefits are huge! That’s why I want you to schedule a time to talk about how I could help you. Click here to set a free 45 minute call where we focus on your old beliefs and the new ones you’d like to have.
“A mother’s job is endless…a selfless human who must sacrifice many of their wants and needs for the wants and needs of their children.” Sounds overwhelming but familiar, right? Maybe you’ve said “it feels endless” yourself.
That quote is the Google selected response to the search “what is my job as a mom”. And there were dozens more answers that were equally overwhelming in their description on what a good mom does. The problem is we’ve heard these expectations so often that we internalize them and then they start coming out in our own voices as facts.
We say things like “I shouldn’t have yelled”, because we buy into the idea that a good mom is infinitely patient. Or we put aside our own wants to do something for our kids because “I just want her to be happy.” We take the smaller piece of chicken and forgo the Hamilton tickets to go to a gymnastics meet.
Listen to today’s episode and start changing where you are holding yourself to an unreasonable, outdated job description.
Rewriting your job description benefits both you and your family. It takes consistent support and accountability but the benefits are huge! (HUGE!) That’s why I want you to schedule a time to talk about how I could help you. Click here to up set a free 45 minute call where we focus on your challenges and solutions.
What you’ll learn from this episode:
- Examples of the difference in expectations for Moms & Dads.
- How society inculcates these beliefs until we think they are facts and then turns on us like Backstabbing Becky from 11th grade.
- How we can feel better without needing society to change (good news!).
When our kids are having problems, it can be hard to think about anything else. We find ourselves Googling for answers at 2 a.m. and doing our best to help. But if we aren’t careful, we end up creating more of the very problem we are trying to solve.
Our worry about their geometry grade adds to their worry and makes it harder for them to remember which one is cosine. Our concerns about their sketchy new boyfriend only serve to make that relationship even more attractive to them and they start hiding it.
When this happens, it's important to look where we are putting our attention. Garth Stein talks about this in his fantastic book the “Art of Racing in the Rain”. He describes it like this.
“In racing, they say that your car goes where your eyes go. The driver who cannot tear his eyes away from the wall as he spins out of control will meet that wall; the driver who looks down the track as he feels his tires break free will regain control of his vehicle.”
-“Art of Racing in the Rain” by Garth Stein
When we harness the power of focused attention, we can keep our eyes on the road (solution), avoid hitting the wall, and increase our kid’s chance of success.
If you have questions about how to apply this tool to a situation you are struggling with, please take advantage of a free private call with me to walk you through it. Click here for a link to my calendar and we will find a time to get you focused on the right path. See you there!
WHAT YOU’LL LEARN FROM THIS EPISODE: * How to choose your focus so that it supports a successful outcome. * A simple but brilliant question to help you get clarity on what you really want. * How to provide powerful leadership that teaches your kids to solve their own problems without crashing. * How to generate more solutions to your current problem. * Why problems are a good thing during the teen years.
Do you think your Mom screwed you up in some way? You aren’t alone. Lots of adults feel that way. And to a certain degree, it’s true. What you were raised to believe does inform what you believe today. That is unless you change it.
The exact process your parents used to create your beliefs when you were a child can be used to reprogram new beliefs that will serve you better as an adult.
What you’ll learn from this episode:
- Learn the process your parents used to install your beliefs as a child. Understanding how beliefs get created in the first place, give you the ability to create new ones.
- Discover how reprogramming new beliefs is like giving new foods to a toddler.
- Why taking responsibility for your relationship with your mom is the opposite of ‘blaming the victim.
- Forgiving your Mom can set you free with your own children.
**Reprogramming your brain to remove your childhood benefits both you and your family. It takes consistent support and accountability but the benefits are huge!
That’s why I want you to schedule a time for me to walk you through it. Click here to set up a free 45 minute call**.
Do you ever feel like no matter what you do, you are screwing up as a Mom? This feeling of “bad mom-ness” almost seems to run in your head all day like a scolding Spotify playlist. You want to have peaceful mornings but your teen won’t get up despite having an alarm + three wake up reminders. And before you know it, you are driving to work feeling like a terrible mom. No matter how many great things you do there is a persistent feeling that you aren’t quite measuring up.
Where does this Bad Mom soundtrack come from?
I don’t need to spend any time talking about the impossible standards women hold themselves too. And this pressure only increases when we become mothers. But how does it happen that society’s impossible standards become our own?
In this week’s episode of Parenting Successful Teens you’ll learn
- How society expectations have been around since our mother’s mothers time and been internalized and passed down as a legacy.
- 2 main expectations that society holds for moms
- Why free advice on the internet is making us feel crazy and stressed out.
- How contradictory expectations gaslight us.
- Why we need someone to point out to us when we are playing the bad mom soundtrack.
Reprogramming your brain to remove society’s impossible expectations benefits both you and your family. You can both have more fun and be a better Mom but it takes consistent support and accountability.
That’s why I want you to schedule a time to get some support. Click here to set up a free 45 minute call. On this call, you'll tell me what's going on and I'll offer you a perspective you can't get on your own.
In this episode, we’ll cover the 7 most common mistakes I see parents making. Listen and decide if any of them ring true for you? If they do, take heart. You are not alone. Learning to spot these mistakes is the first step towards making things better, easier more effective and fun.
We wrap up the episode with an easy exercise to help you instantly feel better. A booster shot for confidence you can practice anywhere, anytime.
WHAT YOU’LL LEARN FROM THIS EPISODE:
- How your efforts to be an exceptional mom could be creating stress for your kids.
- How that sweet Abraham Lincoln quote gets misused by parents.
- How to create a protective shield for your family.
- My crazy night time stewing routine (do you worry at night?).
- What teens are really worried about as they pick a college.
- Quicky, easy, exercise for instantly feeling better.
As parents, we all get on repetitive trains of thought that make us worry or feel hurt or disappointed. Our kids will say or do (or not do) something we expected and before we know it we can't stop thinking about it. Over and over those thoughts play, making us feel terrible. In fact, once we get started it can be very hard to stop.
In today's episode, we are going to talk about what to do when we find ourselves ruminating about how we wish things were different. We'll talk about how to feel better now and stop those runaway trains of thought.
One of the most frustrating parts of being a parent is knowing that you have great advice to share. This advice would solve your kid's problems and make their lives easier. And still they won't listen.
Tune into this episode to find out what to do with that great advice that will make you more persuasive, credible and less frustrated. And make everyone's lives better in the process!
Fresh from the Polar Vortex (talk about weather drama) we will be discussing where drama comes from, how to manage it, and why it's part of a perfectly designed system.
Highlights:
- Where drama comes from (it's not where you think) (3:04)
- Why traditional approaches don't work (3:56)
- How we give teens the exact tools to hurt us the most (10:30)
- How it's all part of a perfectly designed system (14:24)
Get out of your comfort zone sounds like good advice. But who wants to be uncomfortable? (Not me!) Listen to this week's episdoe for ways to make leaving your comfort zone easier and I dare say, more fun.
Parents around the world will tell you that they want their kids to be happy. But on a day to day basis it can feel like we have to choose between pushing them to get their homework done and happiness.
Today we'll discuss why that's not true and how being happier helps us achieve our goals. You'll learn a fast, easy, effective way to be happier right away. Not only does that make us good role models for our kids but we get to have more fun as a family again.
A lot of people feel crappy this time of year because they are comparing their actual real lives to a carefully curated version of other's lives. No one’s real life can compare and marketers use that fact to sell us products.
In this week's episode, we stop spending the holidays in despair and declare our way to enjoying them instead.
Book: Everybody Lies by Seth Stephens-Davidowitz
Students are under intense pressure to graduate from high school with a "perfect resume" so that they can attend certain "dream schools". And the better the school, the more intense the pressure.
This is creating levels of drug & alcohol addiction at 2-3 times the national average at our high performing high schools. These are the exact school districts parents move into for their kids!
But take heart, today's podcast talks about what to do that will ensure a successful future for our kids while relieving the pressure they are feeling today.
Dysfunctional Family Bingo is a game that makes challenging family gatherings more fun. You take all of the things you are afraid might happen and instead play a game where you get rewarded when they do. Share this with a friend and let me know how it goes.
Blank bingo card and Sample Filled Out Bingo
With only 46 days left in the year, it's time to get things done. Unless you are a procrastinator. For procrastinators, there's 45 days of stress and anxiety, and 1 frantic day of activity ahead.
Learn how to resist the pull of FB, and get so much done that you actually have time to enjoy the holiday season!
When you overcome procrastination you uplevel your kid's time management skills as well. And time management is a key skill that teens need to learn in high school. If they don't learn it in the structured environment of high school, then the unstructured days in college are going to be a struggle!
I'm here to help with 2 additional resources.
A companion guide to the podcast: Click here for free Get it Done guide.
Free 20 minute mini coaching session to help you apply this podcast to your own procrastination struggles: Click here to schedule free mini coaching session.
Most of my clients struggle with feeling judged. One of the first things clients comment on during our calls is how great it is to talk about what’s really going on without feeling judged.
Everyday snarky comments from other parents, neighbors, family members keep them on edge because “you know how people are”. They struggle alone in silence rather than have everybody judge them.
We post pretty pictures on Instagram and Facebook and talk about our amazing vacations all the while we are crying our way through the Target aisles buying Doritos and pinot.
We judge others. We judge ourselves. We feel judged by others. The best place to start getting some freedom from judgment is the place where we also have the most control...ourselves. Break your own habit of judging and you'll care less about what other people think of you.
If caring less about what other people think sound good to you, this episode will help.
What You’ll Learn From this Episode:
- Why judgment hurts even if the other person never hears what you’re thinking.
- How we accidentally teach our kids to damage their own self esteem.
- Where judgment actually comes from.
- How to stop judging and still hold high standards.
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In this episode, we talk about why 6 in 10 American's worry more about their kids as teens than they did when they were babies. Why are we so worried and what can we do to break the worry habit? Learn my 3 step process and get some relief today.
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