Stilla Friday Meditations: Recent Episodes
Anton Persson
Let go of your expectations about how this moment should be, and simply be here instead
Your breath takes care of itself, you don't need to take responsibility for it. In this way you are always supported. Let this be a space for rest and relaxation.
Connect with steadiness, dignity, openness and ease through your body. These are different qualities of presence that you can connect to and nurture simply by paying attention. In this session we explore just that!
Mindfulness can be an effective way to deal with anxiety and panic attacks.1. Investigate your thoughts and ask yourself “Is it really true?” Remembering that your thoughts ain’t facts.The thoughts will often be about the future, so ssk yourself “Am I OK right now?” Moving your focus back to the present moment and away from the minds fear based catastrophe scenario. You can take a sober look at the future when you feel more balanced).2. Breath. Slow deep breaths. It helps regulate the nervous system and it gives you something physical to focus on rather than the mind loops.3. Use your senses. Listen to sounds, watch colors and reflections of light, smell the air, feel the sense of warmth and cold. Try to do it without naming the experiences. Just experience them “raw”, as they are.Inspiration fromhttps://www.mindful.org/4-ways-curb-panic-attack/
When was the last time you stared into space for 30 min, doing absolutely nothing? Exactly - Never!Life will not slow to to hand you the perfect moment to to meditate. “When things calm down” is an illusion. You don’t FIND time to meditate; you MAKE time to meditate.It’s a choice - A simple, powerful choice.Enough with the excuses: - “it’s so much right now”- “it’s not the right time”- “I always forget”And the rationalizations:- “I’m too stress”- “I feel fine, I don’t need it”The truth is, you’re here because you’ve set an intention to practice. That intention brought you into this space. Now, it’s time to act on it.Only you can make this real. And you CAN.If not now, when?Sit down, take 20 min. Show up. Make it real. Don’t overthink it—just do it.Hear me roar! I believe in you, and I love you.
It's three years ago since Björn Natthiko Lindeblad passed away. He was a Swedish munk in Thailand, a wonderful teacher and a big role model for me.He reminds me of the importance of kindness and how our imperfections are what makes us human. We borrow our life, our body and each other for a short time before we move on. Take care of each other and try to bring out the best in each other. While you are here you can act on your lightest intentions. Try to live a little less with closed fists and a little more with open hands. With a little less control and little more trust.Today’s meditation will be in his spirit 🙏
In the gap between experience and response lies your freedom.Let me explain.Your reflexes makes you withdraw your hand instantly when you touch something hot. It’s not a conscious choice that you make, your body does it for you. This is a useful and healthy reaction that work to your benefit because it protects you from getting burned. Great!In the same way you have all kinds of similar reactions to other situations.- A friend invites you to something you would rather skip but you automatically say ‘Yes’- Your partner gives you some constructive feedback and you immediately start defending yourself- A colleague has a different opinion than you and you start arguing about itAll of those reactions are ways for you to “pull your hand away” to avoid some difficult emotion.The problem is that these reactions are not necessary in the first place, they cause more problems than they fix and they are not who you are.So what happens here then?They are mechanisms that you built as a child in a time where you didn’t have all the wisdom and resources you have now. You are reacting as if you were six years old again and your mother is criticising you for not making your bed.And these reactions create your life!How many conflicts have you been in with your partner because of these kinds of reactions? Ten? Hundred? Thousand?What if you could go back to all of those moments and change your response to how would have liked to respond? How different would your life be now?Of course, you cannot go back and change, but you CAN build the awareness to catch yourself in all of the future triggers that WILL come. Build the gap between experience and response so that you can consciously decide how you want to live your life.This is the mindfulness-gap that we are building here!
Happy New Year! 🎉This is such a special time of change and transformation for me, and I wanted to share it with you. In December, I wrapped up my studies in musical theatre and singing—a big chapter in my life—and now I’m stepping into 2025 with a clear intention: to do what I’m here to do.✨ Support people and businesses in living in alignment.For me, living in alignment means showing up as your true self—living and acting in a way that feels right in your heart of hearts. It’s about being you.I’m offering 1-on-1 coaching conversations for anyone who feels called to explore this deeper. You can check out more details at https://www.antonp.se/ or just send me a DM if it sparks your interest.Facilitating the meditations here at Neo has been such a meaningful part of my life over these past six and a half years. (Wow—has it really been that long?!) I’m so deeply grateful for this community and the journey we’ve shared together. 💛
I thought I’d share a little about what it has meant for me to learn to meditate.Breaking Negative PatternsIncreased awareness helps me identify and change negative thought and behavior patterns, like blaming others for pain that is inside of me.Improved RelationshipsBefore, I often fell victim to my doubtful thoughts in my romantic relationships, causing them to fall apart within a few year. Becoming aware of these thoughts and learning to just observe them has made it possible for me to stay with my partner and choose something else.Appreciating LifeMost importantly, it helps me to Be in life instead of standing on the sideline and watch. When I really feel the present moment it strikes me how wonderfully simple existence is.
Tuesday meditation is an opportunity for you to…Take a break, reset and come back to work with re-filled batteries.Nurture your inner capacity to be present with yourself and others.Learn about your mind and how to navigate it.
I had a tough morning today and started joking with my partner that I have quite a tight schedule today.9-9.45 Self pity9.45-12 Contemplating my existence12-12.45 Lunch12.45-15 Ruminate over past mistakes15-15.15 Fika15.15-23 Doom scrollingAfterwards I felt much better.Sometimes humor is the best medicine.
“Be happy in the moment, that's enough. Each moment is all we need, not more.”- Mother Teresa
I got a mindfulness trick from my theatre teacher yesterday. Count colors!Look around the room and see how many red/blue/yellow things you can find.It will shift your attention from rumination to the present moment.This is a helpful way to recharge and then you can come back to the problem at hand with a bit more spaciousness.
Warmly welcome to the extra meditation today as part of the World Mental Health Day.By practicing being fully present and aware in the moment we nurture a calm and relaxed inner world, a great antidote for stress and anxiety!
Your attention is a beautiful thing! It creates your whole world.Try this out. Look around the room and look at five things you find beautiful, really see them and take them in. Feel how it impacts your mood, your thoughts and your body.Then look at five things that you find ugly or annoying and really take that in.What is the impact on your mood, your thoughts and your body?Our whole life is shaped by what we pay attention to, so learning how to choose what you pay attention to is a great investment.This is what meditation can teach us.
All of our “negative” emotion carry gold when explored properlyIn fear there is strength and personal willIn anger there is personal power and true natureIn sadness and grief there is love and compassionIn guilt and shame there is integrity and true valueIn loneliness there is unity and connection
I've been reflecting on boundaries lately.Boundaries, as I see them, are the personal guidelines we set to determine what we allow into our lives. This includes what we eat, the media we consume, the people we surround ourselves with, and how we permit others to treat us.These are what I would call outer boundaries—they protect us from external influences, helping us manage the flow of energy and information coming from the outside world.But there's another important type of boundary, which I think of as inner boundaries. While outer boundaries face outward, inner boundaries govern how much of ourselves we choose to share with the world. They involve questions like: What do we reveal about ourselves, and to whom? How often do we compromise our own sense of self to meet others' expectations? And how do we treat and speak to ourselves?I find this distinction between inner and outer boundaries enlightening. It helps me recognize when I'm giving away too much of my energy—whether through fear, habit, or a misplaced sense of obligation.Ironically, when we’re more mindful of containing our energy, we often end up with more to offer. But this time, it's shared from a place of strength, not at the expense of ourselves.
When you look at a baby, it is obvious that they are enough as they are.They are already worthy of love and belonging. And all they do is sleep, eat and poop.As this baby grows, this never changes, it is still worthy of love and belonging.Even though this baby is now all grown up and is doing its best to navigate being an adult.That baby is you and me and everyone else.You are still worthy of love and belonging.
The mind and the body are deeply interconnected and mirror each other in their functioning.When the mind is stressed the body will tense up. When the body is tense it will lead to stressful thoughts.This creates a feedback loop where stress and fear will circle around between body and mind until the cycle is broken in some way.This is quite an uncomfortable state to be in, both mentally and physically and our default way to deal with discomfort is to fix it by thinking our way out of it.However, this is usually not a very good idea because our mental capacity is reduced quite a bit and our perspective is heavily distorted by the stress and fear.Basically, in this state, we are idiots.A much more useful approach is to first meet the discomfort in the body, before trying to deal with the thing that we think is causing the discomfort.When this is done with presence we discover new approaches to deal with the issue that works better or we realise that there is no problem in the first place,that the problem was caused by us trying to avoid the discomfort.
I saw a YouTube short the other day that I thought was really beautiful and a bit eye opening.Imagine that right before you were born you were given a human,And you were told that for the rest of your life you need to take care of this human,My human is called Anton and it’s my responsibility to take care of himYour responsibility is to take care of… insert your human’s name hereYour human has thoughts, emotions and the bodyAnd they are important because your human is importantBut they are not you,You are the awareness that can hold it all
Our mind is a wonderful thing. It can plan for the future, set goals and plan how to reach them. It can create abstractions and read the weave of correlations. It makes us aware of risk and danger and much much more.However, when it comes to our mental health, we tend to rely too much on our mind. We seem to believe that we can think us out of any emotional difficulty. “If I only find the true reason why I feel this way I can fix it and feel good again.”What we don’t see is that the mind will do almost anything to stay away from the vulnerability of simply feeling, and that is exactly what we need to do to come home to ourselves again.In order to feel without succumbing to our emotions we need awareness, and that is what we train when we meditate.
StopJust stopLet it beAnd let whatever is, wash overYou are not going anywhereYou are already here
Here is a lovely poem by Jeff Foster on the principle of embracing what is here.At the heart of every addiction is the attempt to run away from ourselves.To flee our sorrow, self-doubt, anxiety, shame, fear, guilt, loneliness. To be somewhere other than where we are.To be out of the Now. Meditation, true meditation, courageously dismantles the core addiction, the addiction to 'somewhere else', to 'another Now', to 'not here'.In true meditation, we are... HERE. NOW.We allow ourselves to be exactly as we are, where we are, today, in this moment. We 'bless the mess' of our imperfect humanitywith bare naked attention.Even if it hurts. Even if it stings.Even if it burns.We stay. We just…stay. And...We also honour the part of us that doesn't want to stay!The part that wants to run.The part that wants to be a million miles from here.The part that wants the drink, the drug, the cigarette,the contact, the excitement, the chocolate, the shopping trip, the next… high.We do not shame that part either.We see it, and bow to it. We offer it unlimited compassion.It is also sacred.And young, and scared. Friend, even your non-acceptanceis acceptable to life,and not ugly, sinful, unspiritual or a mistake. Even the most 'violent' thunderstormsare welcome herein the vastness of the Sky that is your undying, merciful Presence.- Jeff Foster
I’m back again after vacation so today there will be Tuesday meditation as usual. I’m looking forward to seeing you 🙏
Recently I’ve listened a lot to Sam Harris, the author of Waking Up and the creator of the Waking Up meditation app - which I really recommend btw.I enjoy his precise pointing and his uncompromising perspective on what the actual benefits of understanding your consciousness are.Let me paraphrase him. Saying that you should meditate to deal with stress and lower your cortisol levels is like saying that you should learn to read for the same reason.Sure, reading can have that side effect but the real reason is much more profound than that. Imagine the difference between a life lived as an illiterate and a life where you learned to read. The difference is enourmous.The same can be said about knowing how your consciousness works on an experiential level.
Hello dear 🌼Imagine you are Super Mario. You live in the Mushroom Kingdom, you spend your days trying to rescuing princess Peach from Bowser and hang around with your tall and skinny brother. One day, Toad, your little mushroom friend, who’s taken an interest in the nature of reality comes to you and says, “Hey Mario, this is just a game and all of this is taken place on a TV screen.”Mario is like, “Mamma Mia, are tripping my friend?” (Or something like that my Italian slang is not that good)“No no, it’s true! Just look, isn’t it obvious?”“I don’t see no TV screen”, says Mario.Now, Toad is faces with a challenge here. How can he point at the TV-screen from inside the game? Remember they live inside the TV and doesn’t see the TV from the outside the way that we do. Wherever he points he points at the world which is in the game, inside the TV. There is no way for his pixel-hands to point anywhere else.We are in a similar situation when it comes to consciousness. The teacher can point all he wants but the fact remains that the pointing happens inside of consciousness and pointing directly at it is like trying to point at the TV screen from inside the Mushroom Kingdom.What can be described however is the nature of it and recognition might happen.Notice for example that the pictures that pop into your head when you read this story are just thoughts that show up on the TV-screen of your mind. All of the analysis around it are also just more thoughts. The language that shows up in your mind when you look at these dark scribbly lines is also just a thought. Thinking thinking thinking. Now wait for your next thought and see if you can see where it comes from and where it goes when it disappears.
You carry images of who you think you should be in your mind. We all do. You are aware of some of them, others are held in the shadows. Some of the images you agree with, others will shock you when you become aware of them.You are constantly trying to live up to those images by pushing yourself, trying to satisfy the critical voice in your head by doing the right thing, according to the images.If you are like most people, you seldom stop to take inventory of what image it is you are trying to live up to and what the consequences are for trying. And most importantly, why do you think you need to live up to this image in the first place?It is likely that you carry a belief that if you only live up to this image you will be safe, be loved, be enough, others would like you more, mum and dad would be proud of you, etc.Those are interesting believes that are worth questioning and examining more deeply because they control your life to a large degree.As an example, is it really true that you will be abandoned and lonely if you are yourself? Is it really true that you will be judged by others if laugh as loud as you want? And if it is true, is it really true that it is dangerous for you to be judged by others?So stop, take a breath and reflect. What are you trying to live up to now?
The inner voice of the critic, the pusher and the perfectionist are not there to make us happy. That is not their job. They are there to keep us protected from some imagined disaster. So if we follow these voices it will not lead to the happiness that we imagine, it will lead to stress and effort. A better way is to ask, what do I enjoy in life? And let that be your guide.
For you, this group can be- A break during the busy workday- A chance to reset the mind and body- A space to slow down- A way to gain more clarity around ongoing questions and challenges- A chance to try out different forms of meditation
There is no audience to perform for, there is no approval, no admiration to attain, there is no role worth playing, there is no one to convince. Let it go.
“We have two lives, and the second begins when we realize we only have one.”- Confucius
What lies in front of you are potential pasts. Which one will you actualize? Man’s search for meaning - Viktor FranklI love this picture of having all my potential pasts in front of me. It helps me see how many possibilities there actually are and quite often it highlights that the path I’m about to take is not what I want to look back on.Viktor Frankl was a Jewish psychiatrist that survived Auschwitz. In his book “Man’s search for meaning” he speaks about finding meaning in facing once suffering with dignity and introduces his therapeutic method, logotherapy.
Today I want to share a micro practise with you.A micro practise is an exercise you can do in a matter of seconds that helps you reconnect with the present moment. Last week I invited you to take three slow and deep breaths. Great micro practise!This week I invite you too look around the room and name five things that you enjoy looking at.
Stop. Take three slow and deep breath. It takes around 30-50 seconds. Do it now.It’s quite nice, isn’t it?
You are an inconceivably tiny fraction of the great cosmos. Your life here is a mere blink in the timeline of reality. To put if frankly, you do not matter.As such, there is nothing you are supposed to do. You are not bound to any contract to fulfil some destiny or some way to be. You are not amounting to anything. You are heading the same way all of us are heading, and what happens after that we don’t know.“My life is not important.” It means you can do anything you like, it doesn’t matter anyway. This is freedom!Another perspective is that you are infinitely unique and valuable. There has never been anything like you and there will never in the lifetime of the cosmos be anything exactly like you again. Without your vibration there would be a piece missing, reality would not be THIS, and it IS! Beyond your utility, you are a unique gift to the world by simply existing.I love this paradox!
We do not 'come into' this world; we come out of it, as leaves from a tree.- Alan WattsYou are part of this worldYou belong hereYou are infinitely interconnected with everything
"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?' Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."- Marianne WilliamsonIf you were to stop holding yourself back in one area of your life, what would that look like to you?
The most important thing is not what happens, but how you relate to what happens and your capacity to choice your response. This is freedom.
Release your shoulders, drop that jaw, eyebrows soften, open heart,say it loudly, “Jag är bra”eeey macarena
Yesterday’s the past, tomorrow’s the future, but today is a gift. That’s why it’s called the present.- Bil KeaneWhy is it a gift? The present moment, the hear and now, is the only place that can hold beauty, laughter, happiness, love, compassion, fulfilment and connection. They can never be felt in the past or in the future, only here and now. By practising again and again “waking up” from our thoughts to what is here and now we invite those beautiful aspects of life to be part of our journey.
Mindfulness has been linked to several health benefits!Stress reductionMindfulness techniques can help individuals manage stress by fostering present-moment awareness and non-judgmental acceptance of thoughts and feelings.Improved mental healthRegular mindfulness practice has been associated with reduced symptoms of anxiety, depression, and other mood disorders. It can enhance emotional regulation and resilience.Better sleep qualityMindfulness practices have been shown to improve sleep quality by reducing rumination and promoting relaxation, leading to more restful sleep.Pain ManagementStudies suggest that mindfulness-based interventions can help individuals cope with chronic pain by changing their perception of pain and increasing pain tolerance.Enhanced Well-being and Quality of LifeOverall, mindfulness practices are associated with greater subjective well-being, increased life satisfaction, and a greater sense of overall quality of life.
Work-life balance is an important part of our mental health and mindfulness can be a helpful skill to improve it. How?Recognise signs of burnoutMindfulness practices help individuals become more aware of their thoughts, emotions, and bodily sensations. This heightened awareness allows them to recognise signs of stress, burnout, or imbalance in their lives, enabling them to take proactive steps to address these issues.Manage stressMindfulness techniques such as meditation, deep breathing, and body scanning can help reduce stress levels by promoting relaxation and calming the mind. By incorporating these practices into their daily routines, individuals can better manage work-related stressors and prevent them from spilling over into their personal lives.Setting boundariesMindfulness encourages individuals to set clear boundaries between work and personal life. This means establishing designated work hours, unplugging from technology outside of these hours, and prioritising time for self-care, hobbies, and spending quality time with loved ones.Enhanced work satisfactionPracticing mindfulness can lead to greater job satisfaction by promoting a sense of purpose, fulfilment, and engagement in one's work. When individuals find meaning and enjoyment in their professional lives, they are less likely to feel the need to overwork or sacrifice their personal time for career advancement.
Mindfulness is a useful tool for improving emotional regulation.Mindfulness practices help individuals become more aware of their thoughts, feelings, bodily sensations, and impulses in the present moment. This heightened self-awareness allows individuals to recognize their emotions as they arise, without judgment or reaction.Rather than trying to suppress or avoid difficult emotions, mindfulness encourages acceptance of them as natural parts of the human experience. By acknowledging and accepting emotions without judgment, individuals can prevent them from escalating or becoming overwhelming.Mindfulness cultivates a gap between stimulus and response, allowing individuals to pause and consider their reactions before acting impulsively. This enables them to respond to challenging situations in a more thoughtful and deliberate manner, rather than reacting automatically based on emotional triggers.Mindfulness can break the cycle of rumination, where individuals get stuck replaying negative thoughts and emotions. By staying present in the moment, individuals can let go of repetitive and unhelpful patterns of thinking, reducing emotional distress.
Mindfulness can help improve all kind of relationships in several different ways.It can help communication by increasing our capacity to listen.By being less reactive to our triggers it is easier to stay connected with our friend, colleague, children or parter in conflicts.Mindfulness cultivates empathy and compassion towards yourself and others. When you are more empathetic, you are better able to understand your partner's perspective and respond with kindness and support.Mindfulness teaches individuals to accept themselves and others as they are, without trying to change them. This acceptance fosters a sense of security and trust in the relationship. For me, this kind of acceptance is what love is.
Mindfulness makes you better at decision making. Some examples!Mindfulness practice helps you stay more present with the task at hand which naturally leads to more informed and thoughtful decisions.When you are more present with what you are doing you are more likely to earlier identify decisions that needs to be made, which prevents procrastination or impulsive reactions.Practising mindfulness helps you avoid sunk cost bias which leads to more rational decision making.As we have talked about a lot before, mindfulness helps you reduce stress and anxiety. This improves cognitive functions and your ability to analyse situations and weigh options effectively. When we are less emotionally reactive we are less likely to make impulsive decisions based on strong emotional reactions.
Mindfulness enhances creative thinking.Increased PresenceMindfulness encourages being fully present in the current moment. When you are fully engaged in the task at hand, you are more likely to notice details, think more deeply, and generate creative ideas.Breaking mental patternsMindfulness practices can disrupt habitual thought patterns. By breaking free from automatic thinking, you create the opportunity for new connections and ideas to emerge.Embracing UncertaintyMindfulness encourages an acceptance of the present moment without judgment. This attitude can help individuals become more comfortable with uncertainty, a key element in the creative process.Cultivating CuriosityMindfulness fosters a curious and open mindset. Approaching situations with curiosity can lead to exploration and experimentation, essential elements in the creative process.Improved Emotional RegulationMindfulness helps regulate emotions, preventing overwhelming feelings from hindering creative thinking. Emotionally balanced individuals often have a more expansive and flexible mindset.
Mindfulness can help you improve your productivity.The very nature of mindfulness practice is to focus on one thing for an extended period of time, such as the breath, a mantra or an object. By doing so you exercise your “concentration muscle” and will be able to keep your attention on what you want to focus on for a longer period of time.Practicing our mind to be less reactive to outer stimuli helps us to be less distracted by inner and outer noice. It becomes easier to let things be as they are and you will have more mental resources over for the task you are focusing on.
Stress can be both a positive and a negative factor when it comes to our productivity and enjoyment of work. It can help us with motivation and focus, but it can also overwhelm and poor decision making. Mindfulness can help us find the balance!The stress spiral.The mind affects the body and the body affects the mind. When we think stressful thoughts the body will respond by tensing up. When the body is tensing up it sends a stress signal to our mind which leads to more stressful thoughts and now we are in a loop. To get out this loop we need to break it and we can do that in the mind, the body or both.Often it is best to start with the bodyMindfulness techniques like deep breathing, meditation, or body scans have been shown to activate the body's relaxation response, reducing the production of stress hormones like cortisol and lowering blood pressure.When we have slowed down a bit we can start dealing with the mindBy observing our thoughts and emotions without judgement or immediate reaction we increase our capacity to respond calmly and thoughtfully to stressors instead of reacting on impuls. It is often experienced as if we are stepping out from being in the middle of the storm to a place where there is more space and we can observe the situation more clearly.
Take a moment to just stop and listen to the vibration of the world that permeates everything. It’s all around you. You are swimming in this vibration.It’s the vibration of reality, of what is actually happening Now. It exists before any ideas about the future or the past. Just listen.It includes everything. Every little sound, every movement big or small.And it includes you.When you listen, do it with your whole being, like a tuning fork picking up the vibrations from all around. Harmonising.
From the bottom of my heart I wish for you to be all of yourself.To hold every insecurity in the warm embrace of your compassion.To let your playful too-much-ness shine throughTo listen to your anger and let it show you where your outlines areTo know that everything that you are looking for is already inside you, like diamonds waiting patiently for you to find them To stop giving your power away to please others or to avoid making them feel uncomfortableYou are a magnificent being, trying to be anything else only dims your lightDon’t turn away from yourself by trying to be someone elseYou are already youEvery wound and pain belongsDon’t ignoreDon’t runDon’t fixFeelFeel through itLet it know you careLet yourself know you stayCome home to who you really are
Stop protecting yourself from yourself. Surrender to what is real for you in this moment, no matter what it is. Don’t resist it, be true and be free.I’ll start. I found this moment almost unbearable, it’s so boring and in lack of distraction. I want the distraction because if I stay here I need to feel all of the anxiety of writing this piece. Feel all of the pressure from my mind to be clever and wise and enlightened and original and drown in the fear that I am not. I feel the pressure to be someone else than who I am.Now when I stay with this, give words to it and surrender to the fact of this moment I feel relieved. The pressure melts away and there is an opening. The need to distract myself is not so strong anymore and just staying here is easier.The discomfort that I was trying to avoid went away in 2 minutes of honesty with myself. There is something funny about that. My mind would rather choose an eternity of distraction and the lack of ease that comes with it, than to feel some discomfort for a few minutes. The problem with that strategy is that it is also uncomfortable and stressing and it leaves us disconnected from our lives.Blaise Pascal has something to say on the topic.“We never keep to the present. We recall the past; we anticipate the future as if we found it too slow in coming and were trying to hurry it up, or we recall the past as if to stay its too rapid flight. We are so unwise that we wander about in times that do not belong to us, and do not think of the only one that does; so vain that we dream of times that are not and blindly flee the only one that is. The fact is that the present usually hurts. We thrust it out of sight because it distresses us, and if we find it enjoyable, we are sorry to see it slip away. We try to give it the support of the future, and think how we are going to arrange things over which we have no control for a time we can never be sure of reaching. Let each of us examine his thoughts; he will find them wholly concerned with the past or the future. We almost never think of the present, and if we do think of it, it is only to see what light it throws on our plans for the future. The present is never our end. The past and the present are our means, the future alone our end. Thus we never actually live, but hope to live, and since we are always planning how to be happy, it is inevitable that we should never be so.”- Blaise Pascal, Pensées
The whole thing is really quite simple. ‘No’ is suffering, ‘Yes’ is bliss.Not easy, but simple.Something happens when we find a ‘Yes’ to our experience in the moment. A relaxation in the middle of everything. What was stuck and stagnant can begin to flow. Sorrow can deepen and reveal the love inside. Anger can transform to strength. Pain can touch and be touched by our Being and show us what it is really about. Our ‘Yes’ helps us to let go of what we need to let go of. We become clear like when a camera finds its focus. We deepen. We open.And everything is included in our experience- Thoughts, feelings, body sensations, situation- Not understanding- Confusion- Resistance- Wanting it to go away- Looking for something more/elseCan you say ‘Yes’ to your experience in this moment? And if not, can you say ‘Yes’ to the resistance?
I invite you to stop what you are doing, close your eyes and take five slow deep breaths.With every breath let the world slow down a little more.Notice the impact on your mind and body.
“We don’t see the world as it is, we see it as we are”? - Anaïs NinLet’s talk about psychological projection.In order to protect ourself from the discomfort of facing parts of ourselves that we have hidden away we project those traits, feelings, thoughts unto others and judge them for it.Let’s say I’m a bit self-absorbed and arrogant and those traits were very forbidden when I grew up. It will then be difficult for me to recognise, own and take responsibility for those traits because it will be painful for me to admit it that I have those traits. So I push them down and they become my shadow. When I then see someone that reminds me of those traits I will judge that person harshly. I project my own traits and my own self-criticism unto this person because it is much easier. It’s sort of a defence mechanism.This also happens with “positive” traits that we would like to have but don’t allow ourselves. For example if I hold myself back a lot and don’t allow myself to be playful then I might judge people who do as being “too much” or “childish” or “not serious enough” or something like this.In this way, other people act as mirrors for ourselves. A good reminder is “whenever you judge someone else, you are really judging a part of yourself”.
I was inspired by a conversation yesterday to write something about Nonviolent Communication. So here goes.Nonviolent Communication is a communication framework and awareness tool, created by Marshall Rosenberg. It fosters empathic communication and compassion. It is based on the belief that we, in our nature, are compassionate beings, built to connect and to enjoy giving and receiving.Rosenberg postulates that much of the language we are using disconnects us from our compassionate nature. He calls it “life alienating language”. He says that we tend to communicate in a way that makes it less likely for us to create real connection and less likely for our needs to be met.Some examples of “life alienating language”.Moralistic JudgmentsMaking evaluations or moral judgments about people without understanding their feelings and needs. For example, saying, "You are lazy," instead of expressing your feelings and needs like, "I feel overwhelmed because I need support."ComparisonsMaking comparisons that imply one person is better or worse than another. For instance, "Why can't you be more like your sibling?"Denial of ResponsibilityAvoiding responsibility for one's actions or feelings. For instance, saying, "You make me angry," instead of taking ownership of your emotions and expressing them as a response to a specific situation.DemandsUsing language that implies demands or commands without considering the other person's autonomy. For example, saying, "You need to do this," instead of making a request with an understanding of the other person's willingness and capacity.He has developed another communication pattern that focuses more on our underlying needs.ObservationStart by stating the facts as objectively as you can without making and judgements.FeelingExpress your feelings that are triggered by this observation and acknowledgethat they are a result of needs being met or unmet.NeedExpress the universal human need that underlies the feeling. RequestFormulate a clear and actionable request that is concrete, positive and doable.There is a lot more to this way of communicating than I can fit in here and it takes some practise getting used to. But in my experience it is incredible how much connection and joy this way of communicating creates.
Lately I've been thinking a lot about accountability and taking ownership of my own bulls**t.As humans we tend to blame the world for our own shortcomings. We blame others for the things that are wrong in our lives and make ourselves the victim of our circumstances. It might be our partner, our boss, our job, the government, our own mind, our parents, our conditioning, or a million other things.It might feel nice in the moment. "It wasn't my fault, I'm not responsible." But it takes away our power. Fundamentally it's a childish position (and I don't write this as a judgment). Children are slaves under their circumstances, as adults we are not. As adults we have the power to actively choose how respond to our life. We are respons-able.But when we blame things outside of ourselves we give away this power.For our ego it can be quite challenging to take ownership of our shortcomings, but when we do we also take back our power to act. And it feels great!
Our attention can be so pure, so innocent. It once was. As children we met the world without any judgements or opinions. Without the filter of analysis, knowing and controlling. What if I don’t hold my attention back? What if I give my full attention to what is happening now? What if I stop hiding behind the wall of blasé? The ego can be so arrogant to reality, thinking it already knows. But it doesn’t, it can never really know. So we need to return to that innocent attention and to give it generously, totally, completely. And let our eyes fill with wonder again at the world we can never really know, only taste moment by moment.
In mindfulness meditation we take an attitude based in the seven pillars of mindfulness as introduced by Jon Kabat-Zinn, the creator of Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction (MBSR). In doing so we also practise taking the same attitude towards the rest of our life.Non-Judging: Mindfulness involves observing your thoughts and experiences without judgment. This pillar encourages you to become aware of your judgments and learn to let them go.Patience: Patience is the ability to accept things as they are, without rushing or striving for quick results. Mindfulness encourages a patient and non-reactive approach to life's challenges.Beginner's Mind: Approach each moment with a fresh and open mind, as if you were experiencing it for the first time. Avoid preconceptions and assumptions.Trust: Trust in your own inner wisdom and the process of mindfulness. This involves having confidence in your ability to navigate life's challenges with mindfulness.Non-Striving: Mindfulness isn't about achieving a particular goal or outcome. Instead, it's about being present and accepting things as they are in each moment, without trying to change them.Acceptance: Embrace things as they are, even if they are difficult or uncomfortable. Acceptance is a key element of mindfulness, and it doesn't mean you have to like or condone what you're accepting.Letting Go: Let go of attachments to specific outcomes and desires. Mindfulness encourages a sense of detachment and the ability to release what is beyond your control.
When we feel afraid or stressed we tend to move up into our head and lose touch with reality. Our mind become threat focused and go into negative thought patterns such as rumination and catastrophizing. Time tends to feel like a very scarce resource and everything needs to happen now! We tend to prioritise the wrong things because everything seems equally important.I’m sure you recognise stressing a lot over something that seemed like you would never be able to finish with “everything else that is going on” and then later on when you feel calmer it turned out to be the simplest thing.The bad news is that all of those symptoms lead to more stress and more fear, which then creates a negative spiral.The good news is that we can break this spiral and dispel the illusion that our mind is creating by consciously choosing to focus on the Here and Now. Some examples:- Focus on how the feet feel against the floor for one minute- Take five slow and deep breaths- A cold shower- Exercise- Name five things you see, hear, sense, smell and taste
This poem was shared with me during the week and I wanted to pass it on to youThe Laughing Heart by Charles Bukowskiyour life is your lifedon’t let it be clubbed into dank submission.be on the watch.there are ways out.there is light somewhere.it may not be much light butit beats the darkness.be on the watch.the gods will offer you chances.know them.take them.you can’t beat death butyou can beat death in life, sometimes.and the more often you learn to do it,the more light there will be.your life is your life.know it while you have it.you are marvelousthe gods wait to delightin you.-- by Charles Bukowski
We talk a lot about presence. We believe that meditation or yoga or other kinds of practises will make us more present, which they will. But what do we mean by that? What is presence?When we take attendance we ask “Is so-and-so present?”, and we say “yes” because our physical body is in the room. This is one level of presence.A deeper form of presence would be to be present with something or someone. For example we can be present with someone that is sharing something that is important to them. Then we are not talking about our body being in their vicinity. We mean that we are there with all of our senses, listening attentively to them with all of ourselves. If we in such a moment are caught up with our own thinking, we are not as present with the other person.I’m sure you have experienced sharing something important with someone who believes they are listening, but in reality they are busy with their own thoughts about what you are sharing. Probably you have been that person yourself, at least I have many times. Usually we don’t feel heard or seen. It doesn’t feel safe and our heart tends not to let us go deeper.On the other hand, I’m sure you’ve also been in conversations where you find yourself opening up and finding things in yourself that you didn’t even knew were there. Things that you couldn’t access without the presence of the other. One example could be to carry around sadness for some time and not being able to cry until someone is there that you feel safe with. Something about this person made it feel easy for you to go deeper in yourself and your heart opened up to new truths and insights.So there is something about presence that affect us greatly, but what is it? A.H Almaas describes it in Diamond Heart Book Three."I Am" is the Same Thing as PresenceCompleteness is the experience of "I am" without mind, without anybody reflecting on it and saying, "I am," without subjectivity. It is just the actual "I am-ness," without the mind conceptualizing it. "I am" is the same thing as Presence, as the "I," as the true identity, except there is no need to conceptualize.Without trying to understand this with your mind (his reading take some time and experience to digest) you can play with that phrase. “I am”. Say it for yourself and tune into the experience of “I am”. Does your experience change? Be open to the subliminal. Listen for the small sensations. And invite some curiosity!If you are interested to read more about presence you will find more here https://www.diamondapproach.org/glossary/refinery_phrases/presence.
I want to share this little paragraph from one of my favorite texts. It’s from the non-duality teacher Fred Davis.”You think you’re the human being reading these words. You’re not. Well, you actually are that human also, but you’re not that person exclusively. You’re the awareness that’s reading these words through that human being. The human is not reading the words; you are. The human is a reading tool for you, just as reading glasses are a tool for the human. Reading glasses never mistake themselves for being the reader; humans almost always do.”- Fred Davishttps://awakeningclaritynow.com/the-looking-glass-language-as-mirror/
When thinking about what to write here I asked myself what I needed to be reminded of myself. The answer I got was the song "Sit around the fire" by John Hopkins, Ram Dass and East Forest. It's a beautiful listening that I recommend a lot.Ram Dass speaks about true nature and the beauty of Being."Quite the mind, open the heart"- Ram DassI find myself softening and resonating with what he says. There is a movement in my heart of remembrance. It's a bit frightening, but mostly relaxing.How does it move you? What is alive in you after listening to this?
Some tips and tricks on how to deal with the inner critic, that voice inside that criticise us and makes us feel bad.
Step one - Recognise that it is here Feelings of shame and guilt are good clues that it would be useful to take a closer look at what is going on inside.
Listen to what the message is behind the feelings, often we only feel the emotion and don’t “hear” the voice until we start listening. What does it say? What is the message?
Step two - Dis-identify We are often so identified with our inner critic that we can’t tell ourselves appart from it. If you hear yourself say or think things that put you down or indicate that you are not good enough, it’s likely that you have left the steering wheel to the critic. Fill in the blanks: “I should be more _”, “I’m too _”, “I’m not _ enough”.
What you need to do then is place the voice outside of yourself and reframe them as you-statements: “You should be more_”, “You’re too _”, “You’re not _ enough”. Place the critic somewhere in the room, for example straight in front of you.
It’s likely that you will have more inner space, just by doing this.
Step tree - Disengage When we are engaged with this voice we are giving it our energy, and thus we give it power over us. Engaging with it means listening to, believing, arguing, negotiating or fighting.
What we need to do is disengage. You can do this in many ways, but this is my favourite way:
Take a few deep breaths into the depth of your belly. Feel that power, strength and stability that’s there. With a calm and stable voice, say to the critic: “Thank you for your opinion. I know you try to help me. Right now I don’t need you. Would you be willing to take a few steps back for a moment. I am OK.”
Watch and feel as the critic leaves more room for you.
The last few days I've been focusing my meditation on "metta", also known as loving kindness. There are many ways to practise this. Previously in this group we have used a kind of mantra that we direct to ourselves and others, for example "May I be safe. May I be happy. May I be free of suffering."After a few days of practising this meditation I notice that I have more kindness to give myself, and as a consequence also to others, and there is more enjoyment in the things I do because my self talk is more positive.
“Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.” - Viktor Frankl
Viktor Frankl was a psychologist, holocaust survivor and the author of the classic book "Man's search for meaning".
By getting to know and growing this space in between stimulus and response we increase our freedom and for me that is one of the most significant benefits of meditation. By noticing what is happening in and around us with a non-judgemental, non-reactive attitude, we grow this space and increase our capacity to choose our response to whatever life throws our way.
When the Swedish munk Björn Natthiko Lindeblad was asked what was the most important thing he learned from his 16 years as munk he said "I no longer believe everything I think".
My mind was a bit blown some time in 2016 when a friend of mine told me that “we don’t see reality, we see reality filtered through our ego”.
Nothing is ever good or bad, right or wrong. No action, no situation, no thought, no feeling, no person, no being. That is just a judgement that we make in our minds. It’s an evaluation of the thing we observe. But it is not the thing itself. The thing itself just is. With our without the label of our judgement, the thing already is.
Gratitude has been proven to - Improved psychological well-being - Enhanced physical health - Strengthened relationships - Reduced stress and anxiety - Increased prosocial behavior
What could you be grateful for in this moment? - Can you breath? - Can you see? - Do you have a home? - Are you safe?
I love to find uplifting, heartful messages in the most unexpected places. This song, Advent by Dynazty, is one of them!Let your reflection shine bright like a starLet the world know who you really areYou have the power to choose what will beWhen our true nature’s unleashed then we’re freehttps://open.spotify.com/track/4WooXdtgs0ZCoOEsmP1LHs
Take three slow deep breaths.Let yourself land in the simplicity of the truth of your heart.Here you are.Smile.Carry on with your day
I want to do some follow up of the story I wrote about two weeks ago.Lately I’ve been invited by life to look at my Egotistical Shadow. In fear of not being good enough or being nobody, this part of me thinks and act with arrogance, egocentricity, inconsiderateness and entitlement. The story about my neighbours is a good mirror for me here. Remember? I got a complaint note about me being too loud with my singing. Well, it’s not like I didn’t know how loud I was and that it would disturb my neighbours, but I just choose to ignore it. I was acting quite a bit from the inconsiderateness of my shadow and I’m not so proud of that. How does this pattern play out in other parts of my life I ask myself? The answer is quite uncomfortable to face, and I will not go into detail here, but I remind myself to have self-compassion and meet myself with curiosity rather than judgement.We all have dark sides of ourselves that are hidden in our unconscious and bringing them into the light of our consciousness and integrating them in us is an important step in become a more whole being. This means accepting and taking ownership and responsibility for the parts of us that we would rather hide away and pretend they aren’t there.If you are interested in reading more about our shadow self and about shadow work, I found this article helpful https://lonerwolf.com/shadow-self/
I received a note from my neighbours lately which in short said “please stop singing, you are disturbing everyone”. I’ve been singing a lot at home lately, and quite loud as well, so I can understand their frustration. It was an interesting experience to notice the shame that came with being “told off”. For a few days I felt bad just stepping out my door. In my head, the message seemed to be “you are a bad person”. My initial reaction was to apologies, to bend down, to play small and to follow their wish to completely stop singing at home.What was even more interesting was that another part of me could see that my neighbours where expressing some beautiful needs, e.g. the need for calm, ease, inner peace, respect and space. Needs that all people have, me included and it’s easy to empathise with that. I checked in with myself and asked what my needs where. I found the need for self-respect (to not play small and to stand up for myself), to be of positive contribution to others (my neighbours) and connection and mutual understanding. After I connected with myself in this way it was easy to write an answer in which I said that I heard their wish and that I would find another place to do my main practise and also that I can’t stop singing completely but that I will be more mindful about the sound levels.I received a thoughtful text from one of my other neighbours where she expressed her similar wish and explained why this was important for her and she also wished be good luck with my singing.It felt so good to answer from this grown up place inside and not regress back to that child position of feeling small and shameful. As a result of all of this I now feel closer to both myself and my neighbours. This is the power of awareness in everyday life!
For me, spirituality also has to with authenticity; to live yourself truthfully and let the world know you as you really are. This is inherently vulnerable. When you share yourself you risk being abandoned. But when you withhold yourself from the world, you abandon yourself. Most of us, me included, often abandon ourselves in order to be accepted by others.“Authenticity is the daily practice of letting go of who we think we’re supposed to be and embracing who we are.”- Brené BrownThe heart breaking and ironic truth is that when we abandon ourselves for the approval of others we are left with nothing, because that which is accepted is only our mask, not our true self. So in abandoning ourself we make sure that we can never be accepted as we are.“If you don’t say what you think, then you kill your unborn self.”- Jordan PetersonFor me, growing in authenticity is one of the most important things we can do in a human life, because it is also what will lead you to God.“The eye through which I see God is the same eye through which God sees me; my eye and God’s eye are one eye, one seeing, one knowing, one love.”- Meister Eckhart
A friend of mine has as his life philosophy to live his life as art. I like this view a lot! What would it mean for you if your life was an art project? I come to think of a few things.- It’s not so serious. We can play with it. Just explore what is possible. “What happens if I go this way?”- The process is the goal- What are the colors I paint my life with? Being in all flavours! Love, Curiosity, Will, Playfulness, Space, Mystery, Connection- PLAY!- There is no point, life itself is the point.
Here are some potential benefits of meditation that might inspire you:- Reducing stress and anxiety- Improving focus and concentration- Increasing self-awareness- Enhancing emotional well-being- Boosting immunity- Lowering blood pressure- Improving sleepOverall, meditation can be a powerful tool for promoting physical and emotional well-being, improving focus and concentration, and enhancing overall quality of life.
“We never keep to the present. We recall the past; we anticipate the future as if we found it too slow in coming and were trying to hurry it up, or we recall the past as if to stay its too rapid flight. We are so unwise that we wander about in times that do not belong to us, and do not think of the only one that does; so vain that we dream of times that are not and blindly flee the only one that is. The fact is that the present usually hurts. We thrust it out of sight because it distresses us, and if we find it enjoyable, we are sorry to see it slip away. We try to give it the support of the future, and think how we are going to arrange things over which we have no control for a time we can never be sure of reaching.Let each of us examine his thoughts; he will find them wholly concerned with the past or the future. We almost never think of the present, and if we do think of it, it is only to see what light it throws on our plans for the future. The present is never our end. The past and the present are our means, the future alone our end. Thus we never actually live, but hope to live, and since we are always planning how to be happy, it is inevitable that we should never be so.”― Blaise Pascal, PenséesIs it possible for you to enjoy just this moment? Take three slow breaths and check!
Out attention can be so pure, so innocent. It was once. As children we met the world without any judgements or opinions. Without the filter of analysis, knowing and controlling. What if I don’t hold my attention back? What if I give my full attention to what is happening now? What if I stop hiding behind the wall of blasé? The ego can be so arrogant to reality, thinking it already knows. But it doesn’t, it can never really know. So we need to return to that innocent attention and to give it generously, totally, completely. And let our eyes fill with wonder again at the world we can never really know, only taste moment by moment.
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, ‘Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?’ Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”- Marianne Williamson
When we get stressed it’s easy to get lost in thinking. A great way to reset to a more balanced nervous system is to redirect your attention to the body, feeling your feet for example. Just close your eyes and sense into your feet. Are they hot or cold? Can you feel your shoes or socks? How about the pressure from the floor?Do this for 30 seconds and see what happens.You might notice some tensions in the body. The body has a natural capacity to relax and the only thing it needs is your spacious attention. So when you come across stiffness and tension, just embrace it with your attention and allow it to melt in its own time.
This week it was one year ago since one of my teachers, Björn Natthiko Lindeblad, passed away. He lived as a monk in Thailand and other places for 16 years before returning to Sweden to teach. On the question “What is the most important thing you have learned as a monk?” he answered:“I no longer believe in all my thoughts”.We’ll see in what way Björn joins us in the session today. I hope to invite his spirit of kindness and humanness.
“True meditation? It’s about coming alive, not numbing yourself to life anymore. It’s about unconditional friendliness and infinite kindness to yourself. It’s about making it safe, finally safe for all of those unloved, un-met, unseen waves – thoughts, feelings, sensations – in the Ocean of You to come out of the depths, out of the darkness, out of the corners and crevices of experience and into the light of Awareness, which is love…”- Jeff Foster
I learned yesterday that when a storm comes, buffaloes will face it and charge straight towards it. By doing so they minimise the time they need to spend in the discomfort of the storm. As humans, we very often do the complete opposite. We try to run away from the storm, and when the storm eventually catches us we continue to try and outrun it. Of course this only means that we will stay in the storm longer.
And as if that is not enough! Whenever we run from the storm, it becomes more difficult to face the storm the next time. We undermine our inherent capacity to face what it served to us by life.
What storm are you running from in your life currently? What storm are you facing head on?
“There is no audience to perform for, there is no approval, no admiration to attain. There is no role worth playing, there is no one to convince. Let it go.” - The Artidote
Take a few moments and let it sink in a little. There is no audience. Your life is not a performance. You are not here to fill any role. There will be no applause at the end. No one will thank you for your excellent performance. You are here to just be You, that’s all.
Fear is interesting, because it tends to become a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Example: I long for being accepted as I am. But out of fear of not being accepted as I am, I hide that which I don’t think will be accepted; sadness, anger, shame, hopelessness and loneliness. In this way I make sure that my fear will come true. Because how can anyone accept me as I am if I don’t show myself? Fear tends to work this way. It creates that which we fear.
If the world cease being beautiful, it’s because I no longer see. How do you experience beauty right now?
The three poisons
The first poison is believing that you are better than others. The second poison is believing that you are less than others. The third poison is believing that you are equal to others.
You exist beyond comparison. Your value is not relative to anyone.
"Boundaries define us. They define what is me and what is not me. A boundary shows me where i end and someone else begins, leading me to a sense of ownership. Knowing what I am to own and take responsibility for gives me freedom." ~Henry Cloud
Or more simply
"If you want to say yes, say yes. And if you want to say no, say no." ~Yusuf / Cat Stevens https://open.spotify.com/track/3UGpUUtC5r93zMDZXcgwIQ?si=6ed95616522942ec
Why meditate? Leo Babaouta from zenhabits.net describes it like this:
Why practice mindfulness through meditation? Actually, there are lots of great reasons. Here are a few (read about research on meditation for more):
- It relieves stress and helps you to relax.
- When you practice mindfulness, you can carry it out to everyday life.
- Mindfulness helps you to savor life, change habits, live simply and slowly, be present in everything you do.
- Meditation has been shown to have mental benefits, such as improved focus, happiness, memory, self-control, academic performance and more.
Some research on meditation has indicated that it may have other health benefits, including improved metabolism, heart rate, respiration, blood pressure and more.
Those are just the highlights. Actually, some of the best benefits of meditation are hard to define — you begin to understand yourself better, for example, and form a self-awareness level you’ve never had before. Most simply, sitting for just a few minutes of meditation is an oasis of calm and relaxation that we rarely find in our lives these days. And that, in itself, is enough.
Why meditate? The Swedish buddhist munk Björn Natthiko Lindeblad says it quite beautifully I think. “I no longer believe all my thoughts.” We carry so many thoughts, opinions and beliefs about ourselves and the world and we tend to identify with them a lot. This is why we react to harshly when we are criticised and questioned, because it’s a threat to our identity. But your thoughts are not actually who you are, they are something that you have. Realising this as a first hand experience, not through cognitive understanding, helps us let go of the thoughts that are not helpful to us and it gives space for so much inner freedom.
It’s so easy for us to be critical and judgmental about ourselves and others. Hidden underneath those defences lie our true being, the one that is overflowing with love, compassion and understanding. Today we will do a loving-kindness meditation. With this practice we strengthen our connection with this delicate and powerful part and hopefully we can meet ourselves and the world with more love.
One of the seven pillars of mindfulness is Trust. In this case trusting yourself and your experience. “How am I really feeling today?“, “What are my needs right now?“, “Does this make me happy?”
By practicing staying connected to our lived experience moment to moment and being more attuned to what is going on inside, we will develop our emotional compass that guides us towards what we want and need in life. For this to happen we must stop and listen, which is what meditation is about.
After six days of food poisoning I’m so grateful that my stomach is working again! :pray: I don’t want to go into details, so let’s just say it’s been a shit show... I’m sorry, I couldn’t resist. Anyway. To have my health back inspires me to do a gratitude meditation today. Gratitude has this magical capacity to open our hearts and soften our Being. And there are so many things to be grateful for in every moment. So this is what we will explore together today.
"We thought of life by analogy with a journey, a pilgrimage, which had a serious purpose at the end, and the thing was to get to that end, success or whatever it is, maybe heaven after you're dead. But we missed the point the whole way along. It was a musical thing and you were supposed to sing or to dance while the music was being played." - Alan Watts
"And those who were seen dancing were thought to be insane by those who could not hear the music." - Old Proverb
The Driver's Seat Imagine sitting in a car, next to the driver. You don’t really know where you are going, but the driver seems to know. “I know the way”, he says. So you cruise along for the ride, going wherever the driver decides that you should go. It’s comfortable; you can tilt the seat back, maybe sleep a little, the radio has some pretty cool songs, and you don’t need to pay so much attention to what is happening outside.
Sometimes you look out through the window and you see some sideroads that catches your eye. It’s something about the winding of that particular road that excites you. There are trees there and fewer cars. You would really like to go there, but the driver plays it safe, and he knows the way. “It’s more comfortable this way, and it’s the fastest way to where we are going”, he says.
And so you sleep a little more, and listen to the radio, and soon you don’t look at the sideroads anymore. You trust the driver, he knows.
And days turn to months, months turn to years, and one day, the driver stops the car. “See, I told you I would get us here.” He’s proud. You get excited. “Wow, that was a long ride”, you think to yourself. You ask the driver, “Where are we?” “At the end.” “What do you mean the end?” “We don’t have to drive anymore. We made it through.” “Okay, that’s great”, you say confused. “So, now what?” “Nothing, silly. We made it! We are here now. The road trip is over and we don’t need to drive any more.” “I don’t understand. What was the point?” ”Nothing. That was life and now we are dead and we made it.”
Put yourself in the driver's seat. You can choose. You can. Choose!
Excitement; that rush of energy; that “Hell Yes”-feeling in your chest; that’s your compass, and it points straight at what makes You feel Alive.
Move towards that.
Don’t wait for your nervousness to go away. Don’t wait for the critical voice in your mind to become silent. Don’t wait for the right time. You will wait forever. You live NOW!
DO THAT THING!
Loving kindness is one of the most powerful ways to sooth the inner critic.
You can read more about the inner critic here: - https://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/breaking-the-chains-finding-relief-from-harsh-superego-0426175 - https://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/silencing-the-inner-critic-the-power-of-self-compassion-0608154 - https://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/working-with-the-inner-critic-essential-to-inner-work-0617155
This is one of my favourite lullabies O, I love you O, I love you O, I love you most of all https://open.spotify.com/track/1K18ZkRjuOTFEH0rxo5Zwq?si=e1901528048d4b6f
-A letter to a human- Remember that you are human You are the divine You are the infinite Yes And you are human
Your brokenness is not a sin It's the natural state of things Feeling lack and loss and lonely That's what life's about Not all about But parts about
A game without restrictions Is not a game at all So play your limitations They are what makes you You
During the week I watched this video that describes the difference between the Ego self and True self, that I found really useful https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xfrkVMCif9M&ab_channel=JuliaKristinaCounselling Here’s a summary:
The Ego is like this shield that is trying to protect us from shame. It is There is nothing wrong with it, but acting from it is usually not what we want because it keeps us stuck and unsatisfied. It doesn’t feel good. It has this inherent feeling of not-enoughness. It has this energy of trying to prove that we are smart enough, loveable enough, successful enough, kind enough or whatever it is that we don’t feel enough of. The ego is hustling for our worthiness. So it tries to protect us, but in the process it also keeps us from our authenticity. Acting from our authentic self is much more satisfying. There is a natural flow when we are coming from inside ourselves, just being who we are.
Here are four ways to recognise if you are functioning out of Ego - Prove - Are you trying to prove something? Are you trying to prove that you are enough of something? - Protect - Am I trying to protect my vulnerability? For example, not reaching for what you want in order to protect yourself from failure, or actually protecting yourself from the shame that comes from failure because of critical self-talk. - Perfect - What can I perfect? We tend to believe that we need to be perfect in order to be enough. So in trying to be perfect we are trying to protect ourself from the fact that we are inperfect human beings. - Please - Who can I please? This is a way of trying to control other peoples thoughts and opinions about us. You know the difference between axiously people pleasing vs calmly and authentically giving.
Four ways to know if you are functioning out of your Authentic / True self - Create - What can I create? What can I do that is interesting, intriguing and meaningful. How can I use my talents? - Contribute - What can I contribute? How can I make this world a better place? We’re not tring to prove something from this place. We are doing it because it feels good to contribute though being who we are. - Connect - How can I connect? How can I show up in my authenticity and communicate cleanly without any hidden agendas. - Cultivate - What can I cultivate? What can I build and grow?
Mind the gap
Mindfulness is the gap between input and response in which we can bring in our wiser parts. If we don’t have this gap, we are merely reacting to life. Auto-pilot mode. Without this gap, you are not aware of why you are thinking and acting the way you are, you are simply letting the automatic internal program run. This is a great way of saving energy, but it’s not a very useful way to live, because those automatic reaction patterns is what is causing much of our suffering in life.
If you are like me, you have done things that you didn’t want to do, e.g. opening youtube when it’s time for bed (one of my favourites), using mean comments in arguments, blaming your partner for your own short-comings, engaging in self-destructive patterns, etc. You can look back on your decision and see that your choice didn’t serve you, or anyone else, but you still made that decision. Now, if you are not aware about what you are doing, when you are doing it, it is impossible to change. I cannot stress that enough. If you are not aware of what you are doing, at the time you are doing it, you cannot choose to do something else. You become a victim of your own patterns, without any freedom to choose. In a very real sense, you are a prisoner to your own habitual reaction patterns.
This sounds really harsh, and it is, and it is also true that this is how most people live their life. Me included. But by practising mindfulness it is possible to create and increase the gap between input and response and in this gap a choice becomes possible. You can choose to act in a way that better serves life, yours and others. I’m sure you have all had the experience of “waking up” to what you are doing. Suddenly seeing clearly that “this is not what I want”, and then stopping. This is a moment of mindfulness! The gap where the wisest parts of yourself can run the show.
Our bodies carry so much of our inner resources; Our strength, our intuition, our compassion, but we tend to lock them down by tensing up. When we allow our bodies to deeply relax and let go, we gain more access to those resources. Body scan meditation can be a nice way of nurturing this kind of relaxation while also growing a deeper connection to the body.
There’s magic in our bones A north star in our soul That remembers our way home There’s magic in our bones
https://open.spotify.com/track/3Qx00QtPFcbPdu4Yb3shcW?si=12a849fa7fdc48e6
The more I struggle and fight Trying to get it all right I push away the very thing I want Thinking it's all up to me Deciding how it will be Forgetting that I am guided by the One - Fia
For me, this song is a reminder to let go and have trust in life. All I can do is to act in alignment with my heart to the best of my ability, and sometimes that ability is great and sometimes it's tiny.
When we stop clenching our energetic fists around the results we want in the future and instead focus on the path, which is in the Here and Now, life becomes more open and free.
When time pulls lives apart Hold your own
When everything is fluid, and when nothing can be known with any certainty Hold your own
Hold it 'til you feel it there As dark, and dense, and wet as earth As vast, and bright, and sweet as air When all there is Is knowing that you feel what you are feeling Hold your own
Ask your hands to know the things they hold I know the days are reeling past in such squealing blasts But stop for breath and you will know it's yours Swaying like an open door when storms are coming Hold
Time is an onslaught Love is a mission We work for vocation until In remission We wish we'd had patience and given more time to our children
Feel each decision that you make Make it, hold it Hold your own Hold your lovers Hold their hands Hold their breasts in your hands, like your hands were their bras Hold their face in your palms like a prayer Hold them all night, feel them hold back Don't hold back Hold your own
Every pain Every grievance Every stab of shame Every day spent with a demon in your brain giving chase Hold it
Know the wolves that hunt you In time, they will be the dogs that bring your slippers Love them right and you will feel them kiss you when they come to bite Hhot snouts digging out your cuddles with their bloody muzzles Hold
Nothing you can buy will ever make you more whole This whole thing thrives on us feeling always incomplete And it is why we will search for happiness in whatever thing it is we crave in the moment And it is why we can never really find it there It is why you will sit there with the lover that you fought for In the car you sweated years to buy Wearing the ring you dreamed of all your life And some part of you will still be unsure that this is what you really want Stop craving Hold your own
But if you're satisfied with where you're at, with who you are You won't need to buy new make-up, or new outfits, or new pots and pans To cook new exciting recipes For new exciting people To make yourself feel like the new exciting person, you think you're supposed to be
Happiness, the brand, is not happiness We are smarter than they think we are They take us all for idiots But that's their problem When we behave like idiots It becomes our problem
So hold your own Breathe deep on a freezing beach Taste the salt of friendship Notice the movement of a stranger Hold your own And let it be Catching - Kate Tempest
Trust When we cultivate a deeper intimacy with ourself we also cultivate a trustworthiness with ourself and with our body. When trusting the breath to take care of itself we let go of control and relaxation occurs. When trusting that the ears will hear without us interfering we come into a more receptive and open mode of being. Becoming aware that the organs function to our support without us needing to know or control anything we come into a more symbiotic relationship with our body.
In this deeper intimacy and connection with ourself we also become more aware of our needs, wants and our intuition. We have a great capacity to know what is good for us and the more we listen to that the more we can come to trust ourself. And the more we trust ourself the less we need to control the external world because we can trust that we will navigate whatever comes and make active choices.
A wider sense of trust is of course trusting others. But we don't want to trust naively. There are many people that we truly cannot trust to hold you best interest at heart. And trusting ourself to discern where we place our external trust is the key here. If we don't feel trust in ourselves, we cannot feel safe in trusting others.
Trust is the foundation of inner safety and trust starts with connecting to our body and to ourself.
I believe that outer peace comes from inner peace and that inner peace comes from allowing ourselves to be what we are and feel what we feel. To connect with our needs, our deeper nature, is not a small task in the face of war, we need each other.
𝐿𝑒𝑡 𝑖𝑛𝑛𝑒𝑟 𝑝𝑒𝑎𝑐𝑒 𝑏𝑒 𝑜𝑢𝑟 𝑔𝑢𝑖𝑑𝑒 𝐿𝑒𝑡 𝑢𝑠 ℎ𝑜𝑙𝑑 𝑖𝑡 𝑏𝑦 𝑡ℎ𝑒 ℎ𝑎𝑛𝑑 𝐿𝑒𝑡 𝑢𝑠 𝑤𝑎𝑙𝑘 𝑡𝑜𝑤𝑎𝑟𝑑𝑠 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑠𝑝𝑟𝑖𝑛𝑔, 𝑡𝑜𝑔𝑒𝑡ℎ𝑒𝑟.
𝐼𝑓 𝐼 𝑎𝑚 𝑡ℎ𝑒𝑟𝑒 𝑓𝑜𝑟 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑎𝑛𝑑 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑎𝑟𝑒 𝑡ℎ𝑒𝑟𝑒 𝑓𝑜𝑟 𝑚𝑒, 𝑤𝑒 ℎ𝑎𝑣𝑒 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑠𝑡𝑟𝑒𝑛𝑔𝑡ℎ 𝑡𝑜 𝑏𝑒 𝑡ℎ𝑒𝑟𝑒 𝑓𝑜𝑟 𝑡ℎ𝑜𝑠𝑒 𝑤ℎ𝑜 𝑛𝑒𝑒𝑑 𝑖𝑡 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑚𝑜𝑠𝑡.
𝐷𝑜 𝑤𝑒 ℎ𝑎𝑣𝑒 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑐𝑜𝑢𝑟𝑎𝑔𝑒 𝑖𝑛 𝑜𝑢𝑟 ℎ𝑒𝑎𝑟𝑡𝑠 𝑡𝑜 𝑠ℎ𝑜𝑤 𝑠𝑜𝑙𝑖𝑑𝑎𝑟𝑖𝑡𝑦 𝑤𝑖𝑡ℎ 𝑜𝑢𝑟 𝑏𝑟𝑜𝑡ℎ𝑒𝑟𝑠, 𝑠𝑖𝑠𝑡𝑒𝑟𝑠 𝑎𝑛𝑑 𝑐ℎ𝑖𝑙𝑑𝑟𝑒𝑛? 𝐼 𝑑𝑜𝑛'𝑡. 𝐵𝑢𝑡 𝑤𝑒 𝑚𝑖𝑔ℎ𝑡.
'I remember when I was a kid there was this famous saying in activism —I don’t remember who it's attributed to originally— that says: “if you aren't outraged, you aren't paying attention”.
And it’s true: If you go to a factory farm, or you go to a sweatshop, or you go to an open-pit mine or a landfill, like, fuck, you’d be pretty outraged. And then it's like, “How do you do your normal stuff, in the face of THAT?”
At the same time, I would read Kahlil Gibran or Hafiz, and the artist and the poet and the mystic would say: “If you aren’t overwhelmed by the beauty of life, you aren't paying attention.”
An I was like, “how to hold both of those at the same time?” Because it's only because life is beautiful that i’m outraged that it's not being respected. But if I'm only outraged, i'm not actually connected to what is deeper than the outrage, which is the love of life that that other emotion is in relationship to. So then it's like, okay, “if I’m outraged all the time i'm actually not honoring the thing itself” —and yet the outrage serves a function.
So how do I hold my connection to the beauty of life, to just appreciate it right now? Because we might all get taken out by a super volcano, or an asteroid, or a Carrington event tomorrow. So how do we just be with the beauty of it now, in a way that's honoring and have that motivate us, working on how to ensure the highest quality of life for all life now and into perpetuity, simultaneously. That's part of the dialectic, personally, for me.'
-Daniel Shmachtenberger, in conversation with Nate Hagens, host of “The Great Simplification" Podcast.
Thinking about it I was reminded about where we find our intention. There is a teaching from Marshall Rosenberg, author of Non-Violent Communication, that says “Behind every action is a beautiful need.” The tragedy is that we often act in a way that makes it very unlikely for our needs to be met. When we meet challenges in life it’s so easy to step into opposition to those challenges. Usually this doesn’t work, the resistance only amplify the pain. I believe a better strategy is to connect with the beautiful need inside that is not being met and act in alignment with that. Connecting with our true needs is what it means for me to “_hold my connection to the beauty of life”._
Video: https://youtu.be/3bxzo79SjpE?t=5440
"We Don’t See Things As They Are, We See Them As We Are" - Anonymous
We see our reality through our preconceived ideas, assumptions and opinions. Between us and the world is a filter created from our past experience, our culture and expertise. It is said that in the mind of the expert there are few possibilities, in the mind of a beginner there are infinite. The expert limits herself by thinking that she knows, and we are all experts in our lives.
We think we know what our partner thinks, or how our child will behave. We think we know how this meeting will go and how our day will be. We think we know what the food taste like and what the sunset look like. How the fresh air feels in our lungs, what it feels like to be us. We are missing out on life when we do this. Instead of experiencing reality in the moment, in all of its infinite richness, we see only the construct we have in our minds.
Today we will explore the curiosity of the Beginner's Mind by looking at something as though it was the first time.
You know the voices inside that says "you are bad" and "you should..." and sets an impossible bar to live up too. I'll try and present a way of understanding them as "The Inner Trojka", which is an understanding that comes from my teacher, Kåre Landfald.
The inner Trojka is the inner Critic, the inner Pusher and the inner Perfectionist. They can be experienced as voices in our head, but often we are not directly aware about them. Instead we mostly experience the effect they have on us as shame, guilt and depression. And even when we are aware of the voices, we identify with them and think they are us.
The inner perfectionist - "This is the lowest possible bar for Good." - Sets up the impossible standard which you are compared against in all areas of life. - Examples: "This is good persons body looks like", "this is how a good person acts", "this is how popular a good person is", "this is how successful a good person is", "this is the number of minutes a good person meditates", "this is what a good person eats", ... And on and on and on it goes.
The inner pusher - "You must / should be Good." - This is the voice that constantly pushes you to live up to the standard set by the inner perfectionist. - Whenever you hear the words "Should" and "Must", you know that it's the inner pusher that is talking. - It can come as "you should...", but as we are very often identified with the inner pusher it often comes as "I should" / "I must".
The inner critic - "If you are not Good you are worthless." - When we fail to live up to the standards set by the inner perfectionist, the inner critic wakes up. - This is the voice that tells you "you are not good enough", "you suck", "you are ugly", "no one wants you", "you are bad at your job", or if we are identified with this voice it comes as "I" statements. "I am worthless", "No one loves me", "I'm a horrible person", "I'm disgusting and stupid". - It can range from a vague tone of critisism to extremely aggressive and mean and it can really feel like being under attack.
What is really important to understand is that THOSE VOICES ARE NOT THE TRUTH. They might have some content of truth. For example if my inner pusher tells me "you should exercise more", it might be true that exercising more would be beneficial for me, but there is no truth in "you should". The energy of the statement is not true.
So why are they there? As we grow up we internalise that "a good boy/girl" receives love, belonging, connection, safety, etc, which is essential for our survival, so "being good" is really really important for us. We also internalise what "a good boy/girl" is. Most of this inner conditioning comes from our care-takers, for example it is not uncommon to hear those voices as the voice of once mother or father. They are strategies to receive love! So fundamentally those voices try to protect us. They want what is best for us. The problem is that their strategies are really harmful and not supportive at all.
When we disengage from the inner Trojka there is often a sense of relief and space, like we are suddenly free to be ourselves.
Today we will practise becoming more aware of those voices.
Why meditate? I could drop a list of benefits, but I don't think that would move you much. So let me instead try and share my own motivation.
"We have two lives, and the second begins when we realize we only have one." - Confucius
This is the only chance I get. I hold in my hand the infinite beauty and mystery of a human life. So much potential for Freedom, Strength, Love, Kindness, Compassion, Joy, Truth, Gratitude, Connection. I will not throw this away. I will sit in the drivers seat of my life. And the more I unlock those parts of myself the more awstruck I get over the treasure that I am.
“A beggar had been sitting by the side of a road for over thirty years. One day a stranger walked by. “Spare some change?” mumbled the beggar, mechanically holding out his old baseball cap. “I have nothing to give you,” said the stranger. Then he asked: “What’s that you are sitting on?” “Nothing,” replied the beggar. “Just an old box. I have been sitting on it for as long as I can remember.” “Ever looked inside?” asked the stranger. “No,” said the beggar. “What’s the point? There’s nothing in there.” “Have a look inside,” insisted the stranger. The beggar managed to pry open the lid. With astonishment, disbelief, and elation, he saw that the box was filled with gold. I am that stranger who has nothing to give you and who is telling you to look inside. Not inside any box, as in the parable, but somewhere even closer: inside yourself.” - Eckhart Tolle, sharing a classic story
Meditation is my key and it's my deep pleasure to share it with you! You are that which you are longing for.
Olympic finals, 100m sprint. For the sprinters, this is probably one of the most important moments of their career, perhaps even their lives. They have prepared for this moment for years, basically all their lives, and now they are finally here! And how do they face that?
https://youtu.be/2O7K-8G2nwU?t=187
Look at Usain Bolt the last few minutes before the race . He looks laser-focused just like everyone else (as you would expect), but he's also playing around, putting on a show for the audience, smiling, winking, having fun. It reminds me about the importans of inner relaxation to be able to perform. For Usain's body to peform at peak level he needs to be relaxed. If he tense up, the body will stop working as a unit, his motions will be more controlled, less fluid and more restricted.
This is true for everyone, and not only for physical performance, but also for cognitive, social, emotional and spiritual "performance".
Perhaps you have noticed that when you are relaxed the "right think to say" just comes automatically. You don't really have to think about what to do, you just do it. Or when you have tried really hard to solve a problem for a long time and the answer comes after you've let it go while standing in the warm shower. This is inner relaxation working. It frees up the mind, heart and body to function as a unit far beyond what is possible for us to willingly control or force. You cannot create creativity, you can only open space for it to show up.
When we tense up and go into the control mind we become less fluid, it becomes harder to flow with the moment, we block our natural flow of energy and there is more effort and less ease. Conversely, when we are relaxed we free up our mind and body to work for us, we gain more access to our inherent curiousity and joy, love flows easier, creativity and the possibility mindset is more present, and so on.
For me, admitting to myself that I need to rest is one of the hardest things. The Inner Pusher doesn’t really like it when I’m not being productive and working towards my goals. Is it the same for you, or do you find it easy to take time to rest and recover?
The story we tell about a happy life is often equal to a life in constant productivity, action and doing and not so much credit is given to slowing down and recovering from that intensity. The expectation seems to be that we should also be in our peak performance: Energetic, curious, interested, productive, ready to grab life by the horns. But is that really possible to live like that? Like all other biological beings we live a life in constant balance between high and low intensity. After inhale comes exhale, after summer comes winter. In todays Friday meditation we’ll focus on relaxation.
If possible, I would recommend that you lay down as that will help you to relax even further, but sitting will also be completely fine!
A little something about Non-striving, one of the seven attitudes of mindfulness as described by Jon Kabat-Zinn.
I find myself leaning forward a lot of the time. I feel my weight more towards the front of my feet than flat across the whole sole. Is it the same for you? The energy in that posture is a "going somewhere"; Forward, onwards, to the next thing, to the result, to the end of whatever is happening Now. I associate it with progress. It feels active, energetic, important and busy. Always on the fly towards something new and exciting or perhaps the reward of a job well done or whatever it is.
In the west we have a culture that values progress A LOT so it feel really good to be in this energy to be honest. And there is another side of the coin. Going somewehere also means moving away from something else. In trying to get to another state, inherently we move away from what is here already.
Non-striving is about putting the posture of achieving, fixing, doing and progressing to the send. Taking a break from all of that and letting things just be as they are. Letting things be held in awareness without having to operate on them. Letting go of the agenda. Not trying to get to happiness or relaxation or well-being.
We are not human Doings, we are human Beings. Non-striving is about just Being.
This does not mean we will not do anything. Paradoxically, when we stop doing and move more into Being, the doing that arises comes from a deeper place withing which is inherently more wise and loving. Doing is bad or wrong, we have just mistaken from where the doing happens.
We cling to so many things in life, material things, thoughts about how things should be and feel, ideas and views about ourself and others. This is a clinging on the inside, like a contraction, not so different from a closed fist, desperately holding on to what we don’t want to lose.
The story goes that you can catch a monkey by putting a banana in a narrowly barred cage. The monkey reaches in and grabs the banana, but the banana is too large to fit through the bars so the monkey is caught with one hand inside the cage and the banana in his hand prevents him from getting away. The only thing he needs to do to be free is to let go of the banana, but he won’t.
When we hold on to our thoughts like the monkey we create our own prison. We limit our freedom and become stagnant and rigid and the flow and expansion of life and spirit becomes stale. I’m sure you’ve felt this contraction when you’ve been questioned in your believes and found yourself defending them. Those conversations doesn’t tend to flow so well and meeting each other in understanding becomes really hard.
Can you feel the sense of contracting and hardening that arises around both pleasant and unpleasant situations? Letting go just means releasing the contraction around the thing and allowing it to be. It is not necessary to push the thing away. No force is required. Just soften the contraction. Just let go. You do it all the time, actually. Make a fist. Squeeze it tight. Now let go. Notice the feeling. Try it again. This is the physical sensation of letting go. Practicing meditation, you are practicing letting go on the inside. Become familiar with the interior sense of contraction, in the body and mind. Then practicing letting go of that. - Jon Kabat-Zinn
Jon Kabat-Zinn outlines The Seven Attitudes of mindfulness: Non-judging, Non-striving, Acceptance, Trust, Patience, Beginner’s mind and Letting go. This is how he describes Non-judging:
Mindfulness is compassionate, openhearted, choice-less awareness. It is cultivated by taking the position of an unbiased attentive witness to your own experience as it happens in the present moment. To do this requires that you begin to relate to the contents of experience, without judgment, as the present moment unfolds. The habit of categorizing and judging experience locks you into patterns of reacting and repeating thoughts, feelings, and behavior. You may not even be aware of these patterns. Judging acts to separate you from the direct experience of each moment and from the unfolding reality of life. When you practice mindfulness, it is important to recognize the judging quality of mind and identify the judgmental thinking as it arises. It is equally important not to judge the judging! Simply note that judging is present. - Jon Kabat-Zinn
I want to emphasise the last part here! Non-judging is not anything we _do_. We cannot not judge and we cannot undo judging. As soon as we try to do that we make judging wrong which is in itself judging. The only thing we can do is to become increasingly aware of the judging as it arise.
Another word for non-judging could be non-evaluating. We experience the present moment without evaluating it as good or bad, right or wrong.
Today seems like a really good day to delve into the first meditation technique I ever learned; Following the breath.
But why? The breath can only be experienced in the present moment, and in that way it act as an anchor in the Now for our attention. And when we practise paying attention on the present moment in a non-judgemental way, over time this gives rise to a greater awareness... and also, some times it feels good.
Somewhere I’ve picked up the analogy of the body as our dear pet, perhaps a dog. It’s quite happy to serve us and it doesn’t need much; some sleep, good nutrition and healthy movement. But we often treat our body more like a slave than a beloved pet. Demanding more and more from it, pushing it to bend further, stay awake longer, have more energy than it has. Today we’ll take a break from that and give our body some loving attention.
I want to invite you to do a very short exercise with me. Right now when you are reading this, stop what you are doing and feel the breath in your belly. Without any need to change it or wishing it to feel different, just follow three breaths. Do this now. Make a mental note how that was for you. Do you feel any different now compared to before?
Today we will experiment with a few different mindfulness exercises. You are all warmly welcome to Friday meditation
About sharing. We can share all kinds of things; food, experiences, things. And we can also share ourselves. This is what we do when my let another person know what is going on inside of us, in the moment. “This is what’s alive in me right now.” Sometimes we do it by using words and describing our experience and some times we do it my simply living it fully, this is what young children do, they fully live and express what is alive in them in each moment. For me, this is a fantastically brave thing to do! It can be vulnerable, scary and awkward because we have all been hurt in different ways when we’ve shared ourselves with the world. What feels vulnerable is different for everybody, depending on how you where received during childhood. Some examples: - You heard that you where “too much” when you expressed your joy and playfulness, so you became serious. - You heard that “boys don’t cry”, so sharing your sadness became difficult. - You heard that “good girls are not angry”, so your anger now feels like a threat. - You where valued for “being smart”, so now it’s hard to admit when there is something you don’t understand.
The way I see it, sharing is a big part of growing. It’s a way to reclaim the parts of us that we’ve been pushing away into the shadows and when those parts are received the way they where not when pushed them away, it can be extremely healing.
I got an inquiry yesterday that I think is fitting for this topic: “What are you saying ‘No’ to in yourself in this moment?”
Warmly welcome to Friday meditation!
Disease, dis-ease. Lack of ease. The lack of ease can range from not even noticeable until it goes away (like a kitchen fan) to a perfect hell, but the components are usually the same: - Difficult emotions such as shame, guilt, anger, sadness or fear that we are resisting in subtle ways, most often not consciously - Discomfort in the body in form of tension to various degree - Non-productive thought patterns like judgement, criticism and blame agains self or other, obsession on getting out of the experience and thoughts centered around past of future. In this state it seems like we are trapped inside our experience, “this is what we are”. We might not think so consciously but it is our experience of ourself in the moment. We will try and escape this lack of ease in various ways depending on how strong it is and if it’s strong enough we will go to great extent to find release. We turn to alcohol, drugs, sex, food, gambling, work, social media, constant stimulation, personal growth, meditation, yoga, dancing or basically anything else to distract and escape from this dis-ease. Most people do this, all the time. It’s the normal state of affairs. There is nothing wrong with this. But there is another way!
What is lacking is space! We have forgotten that we are also the space of awareness. And when there is no space, there is nowhere for the pain to go. There is nowhere for us to rest because all we have is our painful experience wherever we turn. To look for release in whatever strategy we have available is human. But when we are in contact with the space that we are, we can hold our experience without needing to escape from it and in that way the pain can release, slowly but surely.
Today we will invite some space.
I went over some notes yesterday and came over this quote from Svagito Liebermeister, Osho therapist and spiritual leader:
_Meditation has nothing to do with feeling calm, meditation is about watching_
And with inspiration from that we'll watch our breath today.
Today I want to share my current understanding of what being a human Being means. In my experience there are two modes of being: Personality or Being.
Personality This is the ego structure that holds our our coping strategies, reactive patterns and compulsive reactions. It’s built on fear for our survival, of abandonment, rejection, loosing autonomy, etc. At its foundation it is the rejection of Self / Being in favour of something in the outside world. The development of the Personality structure happens automatically during childhood as the outside world rejects our Being again and again in different ways, remember that a child is very sensitive. When we operate in the world from this place we see the world from the eyes of the hurt and fearful child. We live in the past.
Other names used in different frameworks: Ego, Mind (as an opposition to spiritual Heart), Jackal mind (non-violent communication), Threat system (from the 3 emotion regulation systems in psychology) How to recognise it: - NO to the present moment - Thinking in terms of Right/Wrong + Good/Bad + Black/White - OR thinking - Judgemental mindset towards oneself or others - A sense of needing to protect oneself - Contraction and tension in the body - A general sense of fear or unease - Obsession with “fixing the problem” through thinking about it - A sense of being trapped inside our experience (thoughts and emotion) - Oriented around passed and future more than the present moment - Feeling stifled by self-awareness - Blocking natural impulses, spontaneous expression and intuitive action - A sense of acting or “not being oneself” - Lack of space and awareness - Believing in or identifying with “The Inner Trojka” = The Inner Critic + Inner Perfectionist + Inner Pusher - Hierarchical thinking - Better than, Worse than - Transactional relating
Being This is what we long for! Whenever we feel a lack, an unmet need or that something is ‘wrong’, Being is what we long for! This is the core of what / who we are as humans and spiritual Beings. According to Almaas, reconnecting with Being is what it truly means to grow up and become an adult human.
Often called: Heart / Spiritual Heart, True Self, Giraff mind (non-violent communication), Essence (Diamond approach by Almaas) - YES to the present moment - Non-rejection - A sense of general ease - A sense of being in “the natural flow of life” - AND thinking - Thinking in terms of Useful / Not useful + Works / Doesn’t work - Oriented around Needs - Can embrace paradox - Relaxation and ease in body - “I am not my feelings”, “I am not my thoughts” - Focus on present moment - Allowing experience without effort or resistance - Comparison with others become meaningless - Feeling connected to one-self - Giving and Receiving happens with joy - Love and kindness feels natural and unconditional - Non-judgemental awareness towards experience - Self-compassion and compassion with others
The path As I see it, all spiritual work that we do are different ways of reconnecting and realising our Being: - Acknowledging the vulnerability that you are resisting - Feeling the feeling instead of thinking about it - Connect with the present moment in all kinds of ways: Eating excellent food, doing things that put us in flow state, being in nature, making love, practising mindfulness - Meditation - Prayer - Tantric work - Inner child work - Breath work - Yoga - Authentic relating - Impro theatre - Spontaneous creativity and art - Ecstatic dance - And on and on
I'm so happy to share some of my ways back with you ❤
I had a conversation with a friend some days ago about being a whole human Being and I thought I’d share my experience. I used to experience myself as being something living inside of my skull. If I’d been asked to point to where I was I would have pointed to at the head. I knew I had my body ofc, but it felt like it was “just my body”. Me, my spirit, the sense of “I” was not there. I wasn’t present in my body. It has taken me some time and it’s still a work in progress but the more I learn to Be with my emotions and the discomfort from being triggered the more I fill up my body. It’s a sense of being safe inside myself.
So, what is this “Being in the body”-experience about? As children we are super open and sensitive, without any defences, and our nervous system is not developed yet to “hold” all of what is going on there. The nervous system will get chocked many many times and without a care-giver that can help regulating the system we will store those traumas in the body and when we feel into those places it will create a lot of discomfort in different ways. This is what it means to not feel safe inside the body. And when we don’t feel safe in our body there is just one place to go, our mind. We disconnect from our body, emotions and intuition and go into over-analysing and excessive thinking, trying to “solve” our emotions instead of feeling them.
Today we will work with just Being with and in the body. You are all warmly welcome
When the head is spinning, the breath can be the anchor in reality that you need! You can never experience a past or a future breath. The only breath that you can experience is the one happening right in this moment.
I want to invite you to a short exercise. Read this slowly, take it in and notice how you respond. What happens in your body and your mind?
The first poison is to believe that you are better than others (paus, feel) The second poison is to believe that you are less than others (paus, feel) The third poison is to believe that you are equal to others (paus, feel) You exist beyond any comparison.
Now, let go of any comparison and watch the world from this place. What happens when you just experience this moment without comparing it to any other moment?
John Kabat-Zinn describe the seven pillars of mindfulness: Acceptance, Trust, Patience, Letting go, Beginner’s mind, Non-Judging and Non-Striving. Here’s a little something about Acceptance:
Seeing things as they actually are in the present. If you have a headache, accept that you have a headache. In the course of our daily lives, we often waste a lot of energy denying and resisting what is already fact. When we do that, we are basically trying to force situations to be the way we would like them to be, which only makes for more tension, which actually prevents positive change from occurring. Acceptance sets the stage for acting appropriately in your life, no matter what is happening
This meditation was very inspired by Alan Watts. I hope you enjoy listening to your silence!
The breath. There is so much for us to learn and deeply see in our breath. - It reminds us that we are deeply supported - Even though we have no idea how we breath, the body continues to do it for us, without us having to do anything. - Flow of life in contraction and expansion - It mirrors how life constantly flows between contraction and expansion. We see this in nature with the seasons, we see it in life turning to death turing to life again and we see it in ourselves. There are challenging times and times of ease and both are equally part of life. - It show us how every moment is completely unique, if we are just aware. - It reconnects us with our body and with the present moment. - It reflects to us our current state - Stressed, relaxed, tense, safe, excited?
There are a bunch of characters living inside of our mind. The playful one, the lazy, the enthusiastic, the good friend, the one who can deal with family, the hurt and weak, the I-know-best character, etc. A few of them tend to take up a little more space than the rest; the control-gang, let me introduce the them. We have the inner critic, the inner controller, the perfectionist and the pusher (and a few more). They have some things in common: They are very into should and must, right and wrong and they focus only on fixing and doing, never feeling or Being. For the control-gang, the present moment and Being seems very unproductive and boring or like something to achieve and be good at.
There is nothing wrong about this gang, they all serve some purpose, but when we identify with them, believing this is who we are, we’re missing out on the richness of life, of Being, of the nature of our heart. Today we will focus on catching those sides of us and finding another way to be with ourselves.
When we get triggered by life there will be a ton of different reactions in the body such as contraction, stress, lots of energy moving. This can be very uncomfortable and for most people, including me, the automatic way to deal with this activation in the body is to go into excessive thinking in the form of blaming, victimhood, passing judgements about others or ourselves, obsessively trying to solve the problem. This is not a conscious choice, it’s an automatic respons.
When we are triggered like this it can feel like we are “caught in our mind”, the thoughts go round and round in loops and are often very repetitive and chaotic. We go into this excessive thinking believing that we can “solve the problem” by obsessing about it. “If I just repeat for myself that this should not happen enough time, maybe it will never have happened”. This is of course not what we actually believe, but from how we think and act it seems like it is. So is there a better way? Yes! Meet the emotions and sensations in the body! Practise just being present with and feeling whatever is happening in the body. “What? What good is that going to do?” Well, you know how a baby that is upset calms down when it is put on mothers chest? What happens is that the mother helps the baby regulate its nervous system by being present with the baby. The baby learns that it is safe because “mother is here”. This mechanism is in our biology. When we are present with ourselves in this way we are being our own parent and we regulate our own nervous system by being present and staying with ourself.
This is one of the things we practise in body scan meditation, which is what we are doing today!
Today I want to dive into the topic of self love. We’ll practise some self acceptance of all our different parts; the good, the bad, the ugly, the sexy, the smelly. In my experience I feel a lot more free when I’m Being in love with myself. It makes it easier to avoid the ego-conditioning, right/wrong thinking and in general I become less defensive and more giving. How is it for you?
You are alive! Just feel that as you are reading this. Right in this moment you are living. Through some miracle that you had very little to do with your body woke up this morning and you have the incredible luxury of experiencing another day on this planet, in this life. Whatever is going on in your life, whatever struggles you have currently, whatever joys you are celebrating, you live and you breath and you have no idea about how you do it. It just happens. Life happens in this body and it takes the shape of you. Your heart is beating, your lungs are breathing, your hands manipulate your surroundings to bring food and warmth to your body, the temple of the soul as they call it. One day, a day just like this one, you will not wake up. You will die, just like everyone else. There will come a time when you do not exist in this body anymore. But every day until then you are here and you are here now. How incredible is that?!
To turn inwards. Many of us carry a nervousness around taking this step to sit down, take some time for ourselves and turn the attention inwards. Especially if you are the type of person who often is available more for everyone else than for yourself. We might have thoughts such as “Am I really allowed to do this?“, “Isn’t this egoistic?“. There might be a fear that there are responsibilities that you are not fulfilling when you sit with yourself. But we also know that if we just keep on giving without stopping for gas, eventually we run out. Stopping is not only allowed, it’s important. It nurtures the place from where we give to others. Self-care is an act of love, both towards ourselves and towards our community.
Now is the only time you’ll ever have. Everything you’ve ever experienced has happened Now and you will never experience anything outside of Now. This is where all of your life will take place, in this very moment. Stop chasing and just Be Here Now. That’s better.
As you read this, observe yourself. I really mean it. Now. Right now. Are you here or are you already on your way to the next thing? Allow yourself to stop. Allow means give permission to. “I give myself permission in this moment to just be here, with this piece of text.” There can still be other things pulling you and you can give yourself permission anyway. “I allow myself to not engage with all the things that are pulling me, so that I can just be in this moment.” Slow down. Be in the body. You know what it means for you to be in the body. Check-in with one question at the time How does your breath feel? - Mine feels deep, urgent and powerful. Where are you? - I’m sitting in my office, in my apartment, in Malmö Sweden. What do you notice in your body? - My heart is pounding, stomach feels warm, there is some pressure in the chest, my space feels open and focused. This is all that is happening. You have space for all of this. Allow it to be as it is. Just let go.
There is magic in our bones A north star in our souls That remembers our way home There is magic in our bones - Sleeping At Last - Atlas: Body
This song reminds me about the importance of staying connected with my body through which I connect with my soul / heart / being / self.
Most of us have learned to abandon ourselves, our felt sensations and emotions in childhood. When our caregivers send the message that “if you feel like this I don’t love you” we need to choose between ourselves and the parent and as a child you will choose the parent, because we need that for survival. So we learn to detach from ourselves by numbing, rationalising, turning agains ourselves in self criticism and judgement.
To re-connect with ourselves we practise staying with our physical sensations in the body instead of escaping into the mind and slowly but surely we come back home again.
In life, there are very few things we have control over. Other people and external circumstances are obviously outside our control, but also our thoughts and feelings. I don’t actually know what my next thought is going to be. What we do have some control over is our attention. Our world is made up by the things we pay attention to. Whatever we pay attention to will magnify. Do you focus on possibility and creativity or on victimhood and road blocks? Do you give more attention to love or to fear?
"We Don't See Things As They Are, We See Them As We Are" - Anonymous
So we practice paying attention consciously, instead of letting it be pulled from one distraction to the next.
Today is Friday and that means you are all warmly welcome to the Friday Meditation group! My hope with this group is - To lower the entry bar for you to try meditation out - Give you a space where you can let go, wind down, re-charge - Inspire you to turn inwards, I promise you it’s beautiful in there! The meditation we focus on mostly is mindfulness which has been proven to - Sharpen your attention - Increase resilience to stress - Increase compassion You are welcome as you are. There is no need to be “good at meditation”or anything like that. Just showing up is enough! With love - Anton
All sessions available here Podcast: https://tinyurl.com/wyhxtta Soundcloud: https://tinyurl.com/v3qvobx
All of us have patterns of thinking, feeling and behaving that we follow. They are automatic reactions to our surroundings. We develop those patterns over time based our experiences, how we were received by the world, many of them in early childhood. We can refer to those patterns as our programming or conditioning. The patterns can be positive, empowering, constructive and loving or they can be negative, weakening and destructive. In any case, they is there. I’ll give you some examples to illustrate what I mean by a pattern. - “If I don’t produce any value, I don’t have any value” - When I feel misunderstood by my partner I use “the silent treatment” - When I feel a lack of control I react with stress and increase the speed in everything I do - When people show they want to be close to me I take distance to avoid the risk of being abandoned - I believe I need to put my own needs and wants aside to feel belonging
By practising our awareness we become more and more aware about those patterns which gives us the option of thinking or acting differently than what our programming tells us. To seek intimacy even if it’s scary, to meet misunderstanding with compassion, to respect ourselves even together with others. To act the way we want to act and think the way we want to think even under circumstances where this is hard.
As you read this, you have time to close your eyes and take three, slow, deep, breaths. I invite you to do that. Welcome back. How was that for you? Can you feel how your system seem to have slowed down a bit. That it’s easier to focus on what you are currently doing, reading this. Or did this exercise create agitation perhaps? Or maybe a bit of both, calm and agitation? There are thousands of studies that show that mindfulness have a deep positive impact on our sense of happiness and we will continue to explore this is todays Friday meditation.
What opinions and believes have you picked up and made into your own? What expectations do you carry about yourself and the world? Is it really true that this is what you are?
There is something inside you that knows you are enough, that knows you are worthy of love and connection, that knows you are already whole and complete. This something inside grows when we see it, feel it and surrender to it.
Softness, kindness, care. Those words are with me this morning. Being hard on ourselves, pushing, achieving, striving for our ambition, is easy. Being soft and kind with ourselves, is harder sometimes but it’s something that we all need. Showing ourselves some love and caretaking. We will invite more of this in todays Friday meditation.
You are not your thoughts, you have them. You are the observer of them. You are the ever present space of consciousness where the thoughts appear and disappear. When we let go of identifying with our thoughts we are suddenly free to decide for ourselves how we want to act and what thoughts we want to believe in.
Welcome to Friday meditation today where we observe our thoughts in a, perhaps, new way.
Beginner’s mind - Seeing things as if it was for the first time. You can try it now! Look at your hand and look at it as if you’ve never seen your hand or any other hand before. What does this attitude awake in you? For me there is curiosity, wonder, attention, appreciation.
“Realize deeply that the present moment is all you ever have” ― Eckhart Tolle
Whatever is experienced in the body, is always experienced in the present moment. So we can use the body to anchor ourselves in what is real when the mind is seducing us into past regrets or future worries.
It’s so striking to me how different life is experienced when the nervous system is in stress mode compared to when it’s calm. The one thing I’ve noticed most clearly lately is how relating changes. When I feel safe and calm in myself, relating becomes easy, spontaneous and enjoyable, there is openness for true connection and giving becomes the natural flow in itself. When there is stress in the body I become more guarded and closed and relationships become more transactional. “What do I get out of this?” “Who is giving more?”
Do you recognize those patterns in yourself? How is it for you?
I find meditation helps me to return to a safer, calmer place, not always, but often, and most importantly it changes the baseline. On average I’m more calm and feel more safe. Therefor it's such a pleasure for me to share this practice with you.
When I woke up today I felt heaviness and sadness. Through the morning I tried all the tricks I know to “fix” it, Just feel it, accept it, be curious about what it is. Nothing worked of course because those feeling were not there to be fixed. As I was writing about the body scan that we’ll do today, checking in with the body with love and gratitude, I realised that I was not being loving with myself at all. I was putting a lot of pressure on myself when the thing I really needed was some self-compassion. My hope is that this body scan can help you invite some self-compassion as well.
Today I feel tired and inadequacy. I find myself believing in the lie that I have to be happy, calm, content and peaceful to have something to contribute with. This is the exact opposite of what I’ve learned and what I try to convey in those Friday meditations. “You are enough. Allow yourself to be where you are and feel what you feel.” Today I need to follow my own advice and show up as I am.
You are welcome to join me, as you are, for a moment of awareness.
It’s so easy for us to be critical and judgmental about ourselves and others. Hidden underneath those defences lie our true being, the one that is overflowing with love, compassion and understanding. With this practice we strengthen our connection with this delicate and powerful part and hopefully we can meet ourselves and the world with more love.
Watching the breath is one of the fundamental practices in mindfulness. Because your breath is always available to you you can use it whenever you have the need to slow down and be more present in your life.
Throughout our day we will inevitably collect beliefs, thoughts, emotions, stagnations, blockages, that doesn’t actually belong to us in our body and mind. I find it super useful to clear this space within myself every now and then and I thought I’d share my favourite technique with you.
Watching the breath with the seven attitudes of mindfulness
Non-judging - The constant liking and disliking that we do keep us in a push and pull relationship with our experience. Instead, we practise watching the objective reality of our experience without judgement.
Patience - The wisdom to know that some things need time to unfold on their own. Give yourself time to be where you are.
Beginners mind - Experience everything as if it was the first time.
Trust - Developing the basic trust in yourself, your intuition and your own authority. “It is impossible to be like somebody else. Your only hope is to become more fully yourself.”
Non-striving - Mindfulness meditation is not a goal oriented practice. You are not going anywhere, you are already here.
Acceptance - Seeing things as they really are in the moment and accepting it instead of resisting what is already fact.
Letting go - We all have a strong tendency to hold on to some things and to push other things away. Letting go means putting all of that aside and loosening our need for control.
There is a classic story about how to catch a monkey that illustrates the art of letting go, or rather the suffering in holding on. Make a small hole in a coconut. Hide a banana in it and wire the coconut to a tree. The monkey will reach in and grab the banana but the hole is too small to get his hand with the banana out. Now he’s stuck because he refuses to let go of the banana in order to be free.
We do the same thing, although not so often with bananas. Instead we hold on to believes, throughs and emotions and our attachment to things being a certain way keeps us from moving on to something better.
Our mind wants to know. But what happens when we step into the Not Knowing? “I don’t know” Just say those words internally and feel how they land. “I don’t know.” Can you allow yourself to not know, just for now? What happens in you when you do? This is what I want to investigate together with you today.
Nowhere can man find a quieter or more untroubled retreat than in his own soul. - Marcus Aurelius
We live in two worlds. The Real world, made of what is actually here, felt through our experience in the present moment. And then there is the dream world of thoughts, existing only in our own mind as an abstraction and interpretation of the Real world. Most of the suffering that we experience in life is created out of this dream world. For example when we worry, we imagine a future that we don’t like, this creates unpleasant feelings in our body and then we react to that as if it was real. And it is real. The reaction to the imagined future is real because the mind can’t tell the difference. But the source, the imagined future, is not real! It was something that the mind made up itself and when we investigate the present moment through our lived experience, this becomes hilariously obvious.
So we practice waking up from the dream world of thought and returning back to what is real, and in doing so increase our happiness.
Don’t believe what I say, you will not gain anything from that. Instead take it as an invitation to investigate it for yourself. Use your own mind as a laboratory. What do you actually experience?
When I first started on my path of self-exploration I was pretty skeptical of the “listen to your body”-type of messages. To me, my body was there to move me around. If it wasn’t sick and it did what I wanted it to, walk, run, dance, etc, then what more could there possibly be?
The fact is that our body is brilliant feedback system that we can use to guide our actions. When we do things that aligns with our needs, the body feels good, when we do the opposite the body feels uncomfortable.
For example: Do you recognize that feeling when you’re violating your own boundaries, when you say ‘yes’ even though you want to say ‘no’? The body stiffens before you’ve even thought about an answer. You instinctively know what you want to say, but the mind convinces you otherwise with judgements and explanations.
I invite you to nurture your connection with and awareness of your body with the body scan we’ll do today. Listen to your body, it knows you.
Labelling is a great tool for detaching from our believes, opinions and judgements about our experience and stepping into simply experiencing reality as it is in this moment. Those believes, opinions and judgements is what we call our “story”. We all tell those stories about our experience and ourself. “I should not be feeling this way.” “If only my partner would…” “He is so ignorant” “I must…” So why is this useful to step out of those stories? Because that’s where most of our suffering actually comes from, not the experience itself. And so by loosening our grip around the stories and leaving them aside for a bit we give space for something else to come.
Allow your mind to take a rest for a few minutes and come back to the present moment. The only place that actually exists. The place where your whole life is happening.
By experiencing everything as if it was the first time, we become more open to new perspectives and receptive to new possibilities. Every moment is unique and from the beginners-mind we treat them as such.
A few weeks ago I wrote about a mantra I have; “When the world has stopped being beautiful, it’s because I’ve stopped looking.” This is about beginners-mind. Experiencing nature, the sky, the earth, myself and other people as though it was the first time. Really looking at what is actually there, instead of just watching my own projection of the thing. This is when the beauty of the world shines through.
“Everything that happens, every feeling, every emotion, every thought, it’s all an important part of our learning process in our growth as souls, in the expanding of our beings, because everything is lessons. That’s literally all there is.”
This advice was given to me at a point where I was trying to hold on to a past experience of being in connection with my heart. I was desperately trying to re-discover what I thought I’d lost.
I’m not sure I buy in 100% to lessons being the only thing that exist, but I’m sure there is a lesson to be found in everything. I don’t mean a lesson of the kind your grandma would give you as a piece of advice to living but rather a lesson about who you are, what you want, what needs to change to “grow as a soul”.
To learn from those lessons we need to be present with what is actually happening and be willing to see our own part in it. Instead of pushing against discomfort, accept it and investigate it. Have I seen this pattern before? How did I handle it back then? Did I move on or just escape? What am I supposed to learn from this?
Practising staying present with our current experience and accept whatever comes is what we’re practising in todays meditation.
Loving-Kindness meditation is a very powerful way to nurture a more loving and compassionate way to be with ourselves and with others. We find this compassion through recognising that we all share the same desire to be happy and safe.
I thought I’d share a mantra that has been with me for the last couple of weeks. “When the world has stopped being beautiful, it’s because I’ve stopped seeing.” I find that when I come back to the here and now something changes about my experience, I start to see beauty and life in the most mundane things and my attention is drawn to the natural world, the trees and the sky. It feels a lot like coming home, a sense of belonging here.
One of the seven pillars of mindfulness is Trust. In this case trusting yourself and your emotions.
By practicing staying connected to your lived experience moment to moment and being more attuned to what is going on inside, you will develop your emotional compass that guides you towards what you want and need in life.
Truthfully answering questions like “How am I really feeling today?“, “What are my needs right now?“, “Does this make me happy?” also helps getting more in touch with yourself.
Today we reconnect to the present moment using our breath. Sometimes the breath feels comfortable, sometimes not. No matter what it feels like we can always use it to return to what _is_.
Today I thought we’d use sound as our object of meditation, with inspiration from Alan Watts. If you don’t know about him, I thoroughly recommend listening to some of his talks (just search on youtube).
Love is the absence of judgement - Dalai Lama
When we watch our experience without judging it, that is love in practise. By allowing ourselves to have the experience we are having without judging it we allow ourselves to be as we are in the present moment. That is self love.
Today I want to focus on the practise of letting go.
We live in a constant stream of change where nothing ever remains how it is right now. Our bodies change, our mind picks up new preferences, our friends and family gradually become new people, our ice cream melts away in the sun that is soon replaced by rain and wind and then sun again. We know this to be true, and yet we cling to the things as if we could keep them forever. We erupt in emotional chaos when our vacation plans are changed and we never stop thinking of “the thing he said that he shouldn’t have”.
But, there is a different option available. Realise that what you are holding on to is not part of you. Enjoy it while it’s here and when it moves away, like you know it will eventually, you let it go willingly.
This meditation is heavily inspired by Leo from actualized.org. Thank you Leo!
We will appreciate the body for all of the things it does for us and exercise our mindfulness muscles by accepting whatever our experience is, without judgement.
Today's session we focus on loving-kindness. Practising compassion for ourselves and others It think can be of great help in these challenging times. Remember that we are all connected, we all need each other and we all share the same yearning to be happy and loved for who we are
Over the last couple of days with intense Coronavirus reports I’ve fallen into the fear trapp over and over again and it’s taken many forms; “Why is the government so weak?!“, “This is nothing to worry about, it’s fine.“, “People are so stupid, they don’t understand how serious this is.“, “How will this affect the world economy?“. “Am I in danger?“, “Are my loved once in danger?”
Images of overcrowded hospitals, empty streets and sitting at home without any food to eat pop up. Reality starts to blend with apocalypse fantasies from movies and books.
I feel the urge to repost the article that fueled the fire of anger and fear. “Politicians are so stupid, everyone should know!”
But is it helpful?
At by best, I bite my tongue and remind myself of where I am, where I’m acting from. Is it love or fear?
Through practising gratitude I find my connection to love and to my heart strengthen. This helps me move out of the fear-trap and into a space where constructive action becomes more tangable, “How can I help?” becomes the natural respons.
To me, this is helpful and I invite all of you to try if it’s also helpful to you.
We all have unconscious patterns that guide our actions, often backed up by fears telling us that we're enough, we're not loveable, we're not worthy. The more we become conscious of those hidden patterns and fears and the more we can face them, the more freedom we get in our lives. A common way of expressing this is "to shine the light of consciousness on..." whatever it is we want to see. With mindfulness, we increase the intensity of this light and practice directing it.
Behind the persona that we present to the world lies our true self, our essence, a bright light of love and compassion. By listening inwards in silence we strengthen our connection with this essence and it becomes easier and easier to come back to ourselves. Don’t believe this! It is only my experience. Instead, I invite you to investigate it for yourself. An experience belonging to someone else is merely a story to you, your direct experience is your reality.
Today we’ll try a new meditation technique that I just call “labelling”. I hope you’ll like! 🕉❤️
Today we are watching our thoughts, trying to become more aware about how they come and go.
Being mindful about what is going on in you makes it easier to stop projecting your reactions and issues onto others. This is a super valuable skill to have when trying to support your loved once.
Watching the breath is a great way to practise this skill.
Today we'll focus on diving into our experience of being inside this human body that we're driving around in the word.
Connecting with your body is a great way to connect to the present moment and can often give you clues about your current needs and desires ❤️
Observing the breath with acceptance.
We accept reality as it present itself to us in this moment. We don’t have to like it, but we say “ok” anyway, “ok, this is what is.” In this open space of acceptance you have the opportunity to act rather than react. You are no longer a victim of your circumstances, instead you become free to choose your action consciously. You are in charge of your life!