Podcast - Rachael Kable: Recent Episodes
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Hello and welcome to episode 323 of The Mindful Kind podcast. I’m excited to talk about something interesting and a bit relevant to my own experience right now, called the status quo bias.
So back in 1988, two researchers called William Samuelson and Richard Zeckhauser found that people tend to have a very strong preference for things to stay the same. When faced with an important choice, people were much more likely to choose the option that allowed for things to stay the same.
And I think in many cases, this bias can actually be helpful. When you develop positive and meaningful routines and maintain those routines, you can save time and mental energy. Sometimes, the status quo bias can encourage you to stick with options that you know you like or that you know work well, which can lead to less stress and good experiences.
But sometimes, the status quo bias, or our preference for things to stay the same, can hold us back from making changes and taking on new opportunities.
And so far in 2022, I personally have been challenged a lot to let go of the status quo bias and it’s been pretty great. My partner Dec and I moved to a new town and a lot of things changed really quickly. Our routines got shaken up and we had the opportunity to rebuild them and prioritise things that are important to us. And there have been lots of little chances to try new things and challenge the status quo. Instead of going to one café that we know we like, we’ve been visiting different places and eating new foods. We’ve been trying new types of exercise and making new friends.
A few weeks ago, I applied for a new full time job and even though I was really nervous about changing the way I work and being in a new place and having completely different routines, it’s also been kind of exciting.
I’m really happy to say that I was offered the job and I’ve been there for just over a month now, which has honestly flown by. And it’s been really great for me. I have a lovely team of people to work with, the commute is short, I’m using my skills in different ways and I’ve got some awesome opportunities to learn new things and grow as a person.
However, I have also noticed that my time is limited and I’ve been observing myself and what I need as these new changes unfold.
And for right now, I’ve decided to step back from The Mindful Kind podcast and take my first proper break from it in 6 and a half years. I’m incredibly proud of this podcast and I’ve loved the people it’s connected me with and the opportunities that have come my way. I’m definitely hoping to continue this podcast in some way, I just need some time and space to figure out how that might work.
When the status quo changes, it can be a bit intimidating, sometimes stressful, maybe a bit uncomfortable. But it can also be a great way to make room for things that might work better, changes that can make a positive difference in your life, and opportunities that you might not expect. And that’s the mindset I’m trying to have during this big time of change right now.
In the meantime, I’m going to continue supporting my students inside my online courses, Mindfulness Made Easy and Derail Imposter Syndrome, and I plan to keep sending emails to my subscribers, so if you haven’t joined me in those spaces yet, I highly recommend doing so (here is the link to join my email list). Even though I won’t be creating new episodes of The Mindful Kind podcast right now, I’ve created so many other helpful resources that you can dive into and of course, all the past episodes of The Mindful Kind will remain available for you to re-visit.
I know that for many listeners, The Mindful Kind podcast is a part of their routines, and might have been for many years, so I just want to, first of all, say a huge thank you for joining me on this journey. And second of all, your own status quo bias might be feeling a little challenged at the moment. If that’s true for you, I’d love to encourage you to embrace this opportunity to do some new things. Find another podcast that teaches you different things and helps you feel inspired. Make a music playlist that boosts your mood. Go for a mindful walk with your phone on silent instead of listening to a podcast. Use the ten minutes that you might normally spend listening to The Mindful Kind reading an interesting book.
Not long ago, I actually created a long list of all my favourite resources including podcast episodes, books, online courses, and more. And I also included some of my recent podcast interviews, too. I highly recommend that you check out that list - here’s the link to it.
If you notice the status quo bias in your own life and decide to challenge it, I also just want to remind you to look after yourself. Change can be difficult sometimes and I’ve found myself really leaning into the things that help me feel supported, nourished, and grounded over the last few weeks. Practicing yoga in the evenings to relax before bed, reading fiction books when I have some spare time, going for walks in nature, eating some of my favourite foods, cuddling with the dogs on the couch. Instead of burning myself out by taking on too much and trying to fight to keep the status quo, I’m trying to be more flexible and listen to what I might need. And if you’re in a similar situation, either now or in the future, I hope this might be helpful for you.
Thank you so much for being part of The Mindful Kind. Whether you’ve left a kind review, joined my newsletter list, tuned into these episodes, connected with me on social media, become a student in my online courses, or sent kind words and encouragement via email, I appreciate you and hope that you’ve enjoyed The Mindful Kind as much as I’ve enjoyed creating it. I’m excited about the next chapter for both of us and I can’t wait to see what’s around the corner.
Thank you so much for listening and I’ll see you again soon, Mindful Kind.
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Hello and welcome to episode 322 of The Mindful Kind podcast.
I’m so very excited about this episode because it features some of the amazing questions asked by my students inside my online course, Derail Imposter Syndrome.
In this episode, you’ll hear some incredible questions about self-sabotage, perfectionism, and more. I can’t wait to dive into them, but first, if you’re new to this podcast and you’re unsure about what imposter syndrome actually is, please go and listen to episodes 308, 309, and 310 of The Mindful Kind podcast to discover some of the signs of imposter syndrome, how it can hold you back from success, and how to identify imposter syndrome quickly.
I’ve personally struggled with imposter syndrome multiple times in my own life, which is why I’m so passionate about this topic and supporting people to overcome it.
Ok, let’s dive into the questions, I’m so excited!
The first question is: “I just started a new job and I feel like a fraud. Everyone seems so much more qualified than I am and I’m worried I’m in way over my head. What should I do?”First of all, I think it’s really important to give yourself some time to adjust to your new job. It’s normal to feel a bit nervous and overwhelmed when you’re starting something new or going outside your comfort zone. There is probably a lot to learn and it might be true that some of the people around you will have more qualifications or experience than you. That’s ok. I’ve don’t think I’ve ever started a job and felt totally confident and at ease in the beginning. It often takes time to build up some confidence and knowledge and experience. So yes, you might be feeling like a bit of a fraud right now, but you might find that it’s temporary and starts to fade away.
In Module 2 of my online course, Derail Imposter Syndrome, there are some videos about feeling like a fraud and why that’s totally normal and ok in some situations. You’ll also find an audio I created to help you make space for “fraud feelings,” instead of avoiding them or feeling ashamed of them. This can help you feel reassured and supported while you adjust to your new job and simply let those fraud feelings be there for a little while.
However, it’s also important to keep two things in mind.
1 - If imposter syndrome doesn’t start to go away or if it gets more intense, then I highly recommend seeking support and following the three-step approach for managing Imposter Syndrome that you’ll find in module 4 of Derail Imposter Syndrome.
2 - It’s ok to experience Imposter Syndrome and be aware of it, but try not to let it interfere with making good decisions. For example, Imposter Syndrome might make you feel like you can’t ask for help because you need to pretend like you’re perfect, but that’s often not helpful. Instead, try asking for help from someone so you can learn and grow in your new role.
The next question about imposter syndrome is: “I struggle with self-sabotage and whenever I feel like I’m close to success, I usually find a way to destroy it. Is there anything I can do to stop sabotaging myself?”This is a really challenging situation and I do understand how frustrating and disappointing it can be. It’s interesting because I think so many of us have been encouraged or pushed to succeed, but we weren’t necessarily taught how to cope with more success.
And I think that can be a bit of a problem because success isn’t always this amazing thing. Success can sometimes lead to more responsibility, which can be scary. It can lead to feelings of isolation if your peers or friends or family don’t completely support your success. It can lead to more pressure and stress. Sometimes, achieving success can create a lack of purpose and motivation because you’ve done the thing you set out to do. And it can also lead to stronger feelings of being a fraud because the more you succeed, the more you feel like you have to perform well or measure up to the people around you.
So, please know that it’s quite normal to have mixed feelings about achieving success. I’ve been there many times myself.
Now, back to the question about self-sabotage. The first thing I’d like to ask is do you actually want more success? Or are you genuinely happy doing what you’re doing already? I’ve noticed that I engage in self-sabotage sometimes when I don’t actually want to achieve more success with something. A few years ago, I had an opportunity to enter this podcast into a podcast awards competition. And I completed the form, then procrastinated and procrastinated over sending it in. Eventually, I missed the deadline and at first, I was disappointed in myself and I felt like I’d missed a shot at greater success. But then, I realised that I didn’t actually want to be in the competition. I was happy just doing my own thing with the podcast, I didn’t have the money to travel to an awards ceremony, and I had so much going on at the time, I didn’t need any further pressure on me.
Now, let’s say you do actually want to achieve greater success but self-sabotage is holding you back. First of all, I highly recommend diving into the mindset audios in module 3 of the Derail Imposter Syndrome Online Course. Listen to at least one each day if you can. And then dive into the Create Your Own Success Template inside the workbook for Module 5.
I think it can also be really helpful sometimes to work towards success one small step at a time. Try not to focus too much on the big end goal because it might be a bit intimidating. Just figure out the next step you can take towards success, make an action plan about how to achieve it, engage in self-care if you’re feeling overwhelmed, ask for help if you need to, and keep moving forward.
The final question about Imposter Syndrome is: “I feel like I’m trying to pretend I’m perfect, especially at work, and it’s exhausting. Why can’t I just let myself make mistakes sometimes?” This can be another tough situation and having some perfectionistic tendencies myself, I know how compelling it can feel to want to avoid mistakes. I can still get upset over mistakes, especially when I feel like I’ve let someone down.
You know, it’s interesting because my partner Dec and I have been watching SAS Australia, it’s a tv show where people do some really intense things and you see them fail and make mistakes and disappoint other people and disappoint themselves. I think part of the reason why I like watching it is because I’m deeply curious about seeing how people handle failure. I love it when someone makes a mistake and they pick themselves back up and keep trying. It’s something I’m still working on myself, so I really like to see examples of it. Actually, in saying that, I’ve also enjoyed quite a few episodes of a podcast called How to Fail by Elizabeth Day. I like hearing about people’s stories and experiences with failure and how they navigated them.
The point of all that is I think it can be helpful to watch other people fail and learn from how they handle it. If you were in a similar situation, what would you do? If you could take away something from their experience, what would it be? Does it help when they beat themselves up over failure or do they do something else that’s more helpful?
And the last thing I’d like to say is that mistakes and failures are tough. You don’t have to fail perfectly. I don’t want to tell you to make a mistake and “just let it go and move on.” I personally find it really hard, sometimes impossible, to do that. It’s ok if you need some time to heal and talk about the mistake with someone you trust and look after yourself and let time heal any emotions of anger, disappointment, guilt, or frustration. Making mistakes can be hard. But each time, try to learn something new that might help you next time and I think you’ll grow into a more resilient person who might be able to fail a little easier.
I really hope you’ve enjoyed listening to these great questions from my wonderful students inside the Derail Imposter Syndrome online course. If you’d like to join us, I’ve just re-opened enrolment for Derail Imposter Syndrome and you can find out more and sign up here. In the course, you’ll find all the information, tips, and techniques to overcome imposter syndrome so you can feel more confident and stop holding yourself back from success. I’d love to see you there!
Thank you so much for listening and I hope you have a wonderful week, Mindful Kind.
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Derail Imposter Syndrome
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Hello and welcome to episode 321 of The Mindful Kind podcast.
This is the fourth and final episode of the relationships mini-series and I’ve really enjoyed sharing the last few episodes about relationships and some meaningful and practical ways to make them stronger. If you haven’t already, please go back and listen to episodes 318, 319, and 320 to learn more about managing expectations, being more present, and creating healthier relationships.
In this episode, I’ll be talking all about emotional vulnerability in relationships and why it can be so important, including a few tips I’ve found helpful myself.
So, if you’re emotionally vulnerable, it means you’re willing to acknowledge and talk about your emotions, including emotions that might challenge you, like sadness, insecurity, or anger. When you can be emotionally vulnerable in your close relationships in meaningful, respectful, and appropriate ways, this can lead to deeper trust, greater understanding, and potentially, more support. You might feel more connected with the people who care about you, and they might feel more connected with you, too.
It might sound simple and straightforward, but if you’re much like me, then you might find it difficult to let people see your real emotions, even if you do trust them and want to feel closer to them.
I spent a lot of time judging my emotions, especially when I was younger, and that made me try really hard to avoid talking about how I felt. For example, if I felt overwhelmed and anxious, in my mind I labelled that as a bad thing. I wanted to be calm and collected and unbothered all the time. So when I wasn’t calm and I felt anxious, I also felt ashamed. I felt like I was “failing” at being the person I wanted to be. And so I tried to ignore it and I didn’t want to talk about it.
But there are a few things I’ve noticed about emotions over the years. First of all, most people feel a huge range of emotions and it’s normal. Sometimes, I feel stressed because I’ve got real challenges in my life that I’m trying to figure out. Sometimes, I feel stressed for no obvious reason - it just happens. When my grandad passed away, I felt grief. Even now, just over 3 years later, I still feel sad sometimes, especially with my wedding coming up and the changes I’ve had in my life that I would have loved to share with him. Emotions come and go and make sense and don’t make sense and that’s all ok!
But I think it’s really important to acknowledge them and find ways to express them and talk about them without convincing ourselves that we need to feel ashamed of them.
The second thing I’ve noticed about emotions is that even when you don’t talk about them, sometimes the people around you might guess how you feel. They might guess right, they might guess wrong. But either way, we might know when someone we care about is feeling a challenging emotion. (Not every time because some people are very good at hiding their emotions.)
For example, my partner Declan can often tell when I’m particularly stressed. I get very fidgety and crack my knuckles and move quickly. In the early days of our relationship, I struggled to talk about my emotions and so I knew I was stressed, he knew I was stressed, but I didn’t feel like I knew how to acknowledge it or talk about it. So it created a bit of a barrier between us because I couldn’t be honest about how I was feeling and it was harder to move forward.
And that’s what can potentially happen when you don’t make an effort to be vulnerable, sometimes. You might think you’re protecting your relationship by only sharing the “pleasant” emotions and pretending like the vulnerable emotions don’t exist, but it can actually create more distance and less connection.
Maybe you’ve found it challenging to express your emotions, even when you’re with someone you love and trust. So, I thought I’d share some of the tips and strategies that have helped me become more emotionally vulnerable.
Tip 1: Practice acknowledging your own emotions with self-compassion. Try not to judge some emotions as “good” and some as “bad.” Observe emotions with a little more curiosity and open-mindedness. And really practice implementing a bit of compassion, like you might remind yourself, “Hey, it’s ok that I’m feeling a bit stressed out.” Or, “It’s understandable that I’m feeling angry and frustrated.”
I actually created a specific meditation to help you do this on my Self-Compassion Meditation Album where I’ll guide you to make some space to simply acknowledge how you feel. It’s so important because the more you practice this, the easier it can become to notice your emotions and start to process them without shame or avoidance.
Tip 2: Write down your emotions and look at them from different perspectives. If you’re not sure how to do this, I’ll share some helpful writing prompts. These prompts are designed to help you acknowledge your emotions without judgment.
1: How am I feeling right now?
2: Is there a reason why I’m feeling this emotion?
3: How does this emotion feel in my body?
4: Is there something I can do to support myself while I experience this emotion?
5: Have I felt this feeling before? When?
6: Is there something I can learn from this emotion?
7: Who would I feel comfortable talking about this emotion with?
The more you practice this, the easier it can become to acknowledge your emotions and talk about them with other people.
Tip 3: Practice being emotionally vulnerable with a counsellor or therapist first. Sometimes, it can be quite scary to start talking about emotions, especially because the other person might not be used to it or know how to hold space or offer validation. I personally found it really helpful to start talking with a psychologist about my feelings before I started trying to be emotionally vulnerable with my loved ones.
I know it sounds a bit counter-intuitive, but it can actually be easier to talk about your feelings with a stranger than with someone you love. Just like when I’ve done speaking presentations, it’s easier to talk in front of a room of strangers than it is for me to do a speaking presentation with my friends and family in the room!
Tip 4: Start small. You don’t have to bare your soul to every person you care about. Choose one person who you really trust and who generally listens well, and the next time you’re feeling something challenging, let them know. It can be as simple as saying, “I’m feeling a bit sad today” and letting the conversation go from there.
Be prepared to feel a bit nervous, maybe a bit awkward or uncomfortable. I know for me, being emotionally vulnerable tends to increase my stress levels for a little while at first, but afterward, I usually feel so much better. Not only do I get the nice feeling of release from sharing my feelings, but I tend to feel closer to the person I shared them with.
This is the end of the relationships mini-series and I just want to say thank you so much for listening. It’s been such an interesting topic to dive deeper into and I hope you’ve found some practical ways to make positive changes in your relationships.
Thank you so much for listening and I hope you have a wonderful week, Mindful Kind.
Grab the self-compassion meditation album today!
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If not, don't worry, it isn't too late. Just click here and press that subscribe button!
P.S Do you enjoy The Mindful Kind podcast? I'd be so grateful if you could leave a review. Not only do your reviews help people find my podcast, but I really love reading about your experiences and thoughts. Click here to leave a review, select 'Ratings and Reviews' then 'Write a Review' and let me know how The Mindful Kind has helped you. Sending so much gratitude your way!
Hello and welcome to episode 320 of The Mindful Kind podcast and the third episode in my relationships mini-series.
If you’re new to this podcast, first of all, welcome! And second of all, make sure you also listen to the previous two episodes of this relationship mini-series where I’ve been focusing on strategies and ideas for strengthening all of the different relationships you have in your life.
In this episode, I’m really excited to share some of my best tips for creating healthy and vibrant relationships.
Just before we dive into it, I want to say a huge thank you to everyone who has supported this podcast by tuning in each week, leaving kind reviews, and sharing The Mindful Kind with their friends and family. After more than six years of creating a new episode every week, we just reached 10 million downloads, and as wonderful as that is for me (and my partner Dec who edits every episode!), we know we wouldn’t be here without you. So thank you very much and we hope you continue enjoying The Mindful Kind.
Ok, so let’s dive into some key tips for creating healthier relationships.
Tip 1: Very clearly ask for things you might want or need Recently, I was chatting with a new friend of mine and we talked about how we’re both quite giving people and we put a lot into our relationships. But sometimes it can feel like we don’t get the same support in return when we might need it.
And one of the conclusions we came to was that we both need to practice asking for help and support! Of course, it would be great if our loved ones intuitively knew when we needed help or understood us well enough to know when to offer help… But that’s not always the case. Even when we might feel like we’re struggling, that does mean other people can see that. And that’s why it’s important to ask for help in specific ways.
And I actually have an example from my own life when I didn’t do this and I hope it inspires you to not make the same mistake as me. Last week I had an appointment in town and I wasn’t going to have the car to get there. I called some of the local taxi services and none of them would drive out to where I live and there’s no public transport - not even a bus.
So, I messaged Dec and asked if he could pick up my bike (which is still at my mum’s place at the moment). I explained that the taxi couldn’t pick me up and I was going to ride to my appointment.
But then I looked at the map and I could see I’d have to ride through some busy streets and I’m not super confident on a bike. So, I told Dec not to worry about the bike - I was just going to walk. It was going to take me about 2 and a half hours one way in the middle of the day in 30+ degrees Celcius, so I wasn’t feeling great about it. But I felt like I had no choice.
Dec called me about an hour later and said he’d called a friend of his who was happy to give me a lift. And actually, Dec’s friends’ wife (who’s one of my closest friends) was free and she could give me a lift and we could have lunch together. It all turned out really well and I had a wonderful time with my friend and got to my appointment.
But here’s the thing.
I was stuck in a tricky situation and I still refused to even try asking for help. Sometimes, it feels hard to ask for help and it brings up feelings of guilt and it just feels like I’m a burden and I should be able to figure out solutions on my own.
If that’s resonating with you, then please learn from my mistake. You can ask for help. You might not always receive it, but at least you’re giving your friend or loved one the opportunity to be there for you.
Tip 2: Learn how to disagree with compassionThis has been a massive learning curve for me. I grew up thinking that it was important to agree with the people I love and that if I disagreed, it was a bad thing. And so I was often this little social chameleon who made herself fit into different relationships by changing who I was and what I believed in.
If my friend said coconut sorbet was the best flavour, I wouldn’t say that I thought it tasted horrible. I’d just nod politely and agree. My dad was a really enthusiastic supporter of the Collingwood football team, and so I supported them too, even though I liked other teams better. Those are just little examples, but I had so much inauthenticity in my life that I barely knew who I was and what I liked.
It wasn’t until I was in my mid-twenties that I started learning how to be my own person and disagree with people.
And here’s what I learned about disagreements; they aren’t necessarily “bad” or “wrong.” You can have a different opinion from your partner, parent, friend, or child, and that’s ok. I think it’s important to learn and be open-minded, but you’re also allowed to disagree.
I like to think of it as a compassionate disagreement. This basically means that yes, you might have a different opinion from someone, but you’re also understanding of the other person and you allow them to have their own opinion, too.
Tip 3: Work on your emotional intelligenceI was chatting with Dec the other day about how our relationship has changed. We’ve been together for 8 years and I was in my early twenties when we first started dating. My emotions were still really challenging for me and I spent a lot of energy trying not to feel certain things like anger, jealousy, and sadness.
I couldn’t regulate my emotions (sometimes they would just spin out of control) and I absolutely hated making mistakes or getting any kind of negative feedback. I think I also interpreted other people’s feelings towards me as being negative a lot of the time when they weren’t. For example, if someone was distant, I would jump straight to the negative conclusion that they were angry with me.
The more I’ve learned about mindfulness, psychology, relationships, and mental health in general, the more I’ve understood how important it is to develop emotional awareness and emotional intelligence. We feel emotions every day - sometimes lots of them.
I think it’s really important to know how to support yourself through different emotions, how to process them, how to be accepting, and how to look after yourself. When you can do that fairly well, it can create so many benefits in your relationships. For example, you’ll set better boundaries, you might be able to talk about and express your emotions in healthy ways, you’re less likely to explode with anger or resentment, and you can navigate the different emotions that arise in relationships, like frustration, jealousy, disappointment, or regret. But also, having greater emotional intelligence means you can also understand other people’s emotions, too, which I think is super important in relationships!
If I hadn’t started working on my emotional intelligence by learning about it, making small changes, talking to my psychologist about it, supporting myself, practicing mindfulness and meditation, and the other things I’ve tried along the way, I honestly don’t think Dec and I would still be together. I 100% believe that becoming more emotionally intelligent has helped our relationship grow stronger, more authentic, and more enjoyable in so many different ways.
Now, if you’re looking for a fun and meaningful way to strengthen your relationships, then I highly recommend the video course, *Creating Friendships and Deep Connections For Teens on Mindvalley. Even though the course says it’s for teens, I personally learned some really interesting concepts that I’ve already started implementing into my relationships, like connection languages.
“Feeling seen” is my connection language and knowing this has helped me understand some of my important needs in my relationships. So, if you’ve been feeling like you want to develop stronger friendships with people I can’t speak highly enough about *Creating Friendships and Deep Connections For Teens. My only advice would be to make sure you actually do the recommended activities, journaling exercises, and other tasks. Don’t just watch the videos. Follow the recommendations to put everything into practice.
*As an affiliate, I might earn a commission if you decide to enrol, but it won’t cost you anything extra and it’s a great way to help support this podcast!
Thank you so much for listening and I hope you have a wonderful week Mindful Kind.
Subscribe & Review in iTunesAre you subscribed to The Mindful Kind podcast? If yes - thank you so much. You won't be missing out on any awesome upcoming content!
If not, don't worry, it isn't too late. Just click here and press that subscribe button!
P.S Do you enjoy The Mindful Kind podcast? I'd be so grateful if you could leave a review. Not only do your reviews help people find my podcast, but I really love reading about your experiences and thoughts. Click here to leave a review, select 'Ratings and Reviews' then 'Write a Review' and let me know how The Mindful Kind has helped you. Sending so much gratitude your way!
Hello and welcome to episode 319 of The Mindful Kind podcast and the second episode in the relationships mini-series.
If you haven’t listened to the previous episode about managing expectations in relationships, then I highly recommend you go and check that out. Just a quick reminder, this mini-series isn’t only about strengthening romantic relationships, but also about building friendships and potentially improving family relationships, too.
So, this episode is all about the power of presence in relationships and some practical tips to help you implement more presence into your relationships.
Since I started practicing mindfulness around ten years ago, one of the benefits I’ve noticed is an improvement in most, if not all of my relationships. And there are a few reasons for that, including becoming more open-minded and developing emotional intelligence as a result of my mindfulness practice.
But one of the simpler and sometimes overlooked benefits is that I feel more present in my relationships.
Through practicing mindfulness, I feel like I’ve developed a greater awareness of my attention and how to focus on the things that are really important. I’m more careful about minimising distractions and multi-tasking less and this has had a really cool knock-on effect in my relationships. I feel like I intentionally spend more quality time with my loved ones, I’m a better listener, I’m less distracted, and I just feel better when I’m more present.
So, I thought I’d share a few tips for becoming more present in your relationships and I hope you enjoy trying these out.
Tip 1: Develop habits that help you spend quality time with the people you care about. I know this might sound straightforward, but I spent so many years waiting for random opportunities to spend quality time with my loved ones. And I know I’m not the only one. The problem with waiting and relying on random opportunities is that weeks, months, or maybe even years can go by before those opportunities occur.
What I’ve found really helpful instead is to create lots of little habits that help me prioritise spending quality time with people I love.
For example, I literally have a list written down of my good friends and if I haven’t heard from someone in a while, I’ll send them a message or give them a call. If my partner Dec and I have been working all day, then we’ll try to eat dinner together and talk. Little habits like those might not be big grand gestures, they’re small efforts that help me spend quality time with people I care about on a regular basis.
Tip 2: Plan more adventures with your loved ones. So, tip 1 was all about the little efforts and tip 2 is more about the bigger, more exciting adventures where you can spend time with someone and feel connected by sharing a new experience. Honestly, this is one of my own goals for 2022.
Now that Dec and I have our own home, we’re so excited to be able to invite our good friends to come and stay and have more quality time (and fun experiences) with them. A few weeks ago, one of my closest friends stayed for the night and we went for a walk together so I could show her around our new neighbourhood and had a picnic on the porch. Next weekend, I’m catching up with my bridesmaids for my hen’s party, which I’m so excited about. I have no idea what we’ll be doing, but I’m just so excited to spend time with four women who are all so incredible in their own ways and I know we’ll have so much fun together!
The last three years have been a bit challenging because Dec and I have worked so hard and saved up the deposit for our home while living on my mum’s property, and of course, there was Covid and multiple lockdowns as well. I missed going on adventures and spending that quality time with my friends and doing new things. So I am really excited to do more of that this year.
If you’d like to prioritise this, too, then I recommend making a list of all the places in your area that you’d like to explore. Walks, gardens, restaurants, the beach, yoga studios, rivers, small towns, wineries, cities. Maybe once or twice a month, choose a friend or family member to invite on a new adventure with you.
Tip 3: Look after your needs. I think this one is really important. When I’m feeling frazzled or overwhelmed or stressed, I find it really difficult to be present in my relationships. And especially being an introvert, I don’t have endless energy to spend on other people, I really need that time alone to unwind and process and recharge.
I listen to my needs as much as I can and honour them whenever possible because I know that helps me feel more present and grounded when I’m spending time with people I care about.
Just a little side tip here that I discovered recently - when my friend came to stay a few weeks ago, we both ended up reading books for an hour or so. We were in the same room, but I think maybe we both needed a bit of time to rest (at least I know I did!) and it was awesome that we could do something slow and quiet but still be together.
So, if you really want to spend time with a loved one but you’re feeling like you need to rest, maybe suggest a quiet or simple activity like that. You could watch a movie together, do a slow yoga class, meditate, listen to music, or do anything else that might feel good for you both.
Tip 4: Ask more questions in an open-minded and curious way. When you’re spending time with someone you care about, a powerful thing to do is to ask open-ended questions and give them a safe space to talk. Pay attention, stay open-minded, and be curious about what new things you could learn about them. Some questions that can work well include:
- Tell me more about what happened this week?
- How are you feeling about work at the moment?
- What are your hopes for the next month?
Tip 5: Create a consistent mindfulness practice. As I mentioned earlier, learning to be more mindful and practicing it regularly naturally helped me become more present in my relationships. This is one of the things I love about practicing mindfulness. The more you implement it, the more you get used to feeling present and open-minded and less judgemental or distracted.
But also, one of the tips I mentioned earlier is that it’s important you look after your needs. And mindfulness can be a great practice to help you take good care of yourself. A consistent practice can help you manage stress and find more moments of calm in your daily life. Like me, you might find that it helps you fall asleep at night, and it can help you rest and recharge so you’ll have more energy.
Want to learn more about mindfulness and how to create a consistent practice? My signature online course, Mindfulness Made Easy is open for enrolment.
Mindfulness Made Easy isn’t just a course about mindfulness. It’s an amazing experience where you’ll have all the support and accountability you need to create an incredible mindfulness practice that you can draw on for the rest of your life. You’ll discover some of the key mindfulness techniques and how to apply them in really fun and meaningful ways so you can spend more time feeling present in the moment and less overwhelmed, stressed, or scattered.
You’ll get exclusive access to my 555 Mindfulness Strategy, monthly Q and A videos so you can feel more supported on your journey with mindfulness, as well as access to the private Facebook group with me and all my other students, where I’ll be checking in with you each week and doing live videos and so much more. Click here to discover the exciting details and enrol today!
Thanks so much for listening and I hope you have a wonderful week, Mindful Kind.
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Hello and welcome to episode 318 of The Mindful Kind podcast.
Since Valentine’s Day is coming up, I’ve decided to create a mini-series about relationships! Not just romantic relationships, but also friendships, family relationships, and any other relationships that might be important to you.
Over the next four episodes, including this one, I’m really excited to share some of the ideas and strategies that have been really helpful for me in building meaningful relationships. In this first episode, I’ll be talking all about expectations, including how they can hurt your relationships, how they can strengthen your relationships, and how to manage your expectations well.
I think this topic is especially important because it’s so easy to develop unrealistic expectations that put unnecessary pressure on you and the people you care about. But it can also be unhelpful to let go of all expectations, too. It’s really important to find a healthy balance where you have some expectations in your relationships that allow your relationships to flourish and grow.
Expectations that are too high…So, first of all, let’s take a look at relationship expectations that are too high or unrealistic. High expectations were a huge challenge for me for a really long time. I wanted my romantic partners to be warm, loving, thoughtful, and considerate all of the time and I never wanted to argue or make any mistakes. And I put that same pressure on myself, too. I wanted to be the perfect partner.
And those high expectations weren’t just present in my romantic relationships. I wanted to be the perfect friend, perfect daughter, perfect sister, perfect colleague. I didn’t want to make mistakes in any of my relationships. But I also expected perfection, or close to perfection, from the people around me.
That kind of pressure was exhausting, stressful, and hard and I think that’s why I spent so much time on my own when I was younger. I read books in most of my spare time and often spent lunchtimes at school either writing or dancing.
Building relationships was really difficult because as soon as something wasn’t perfect, I found it hard to move forward. But what I found even harder than building relationships was maintaining them. I just didn’t have the energy to keep pretending that I was perfect, and I highly doubt the people in my life enjoyed being held to such a high standard, either.
And there was another whole set of expectations that really hurt my relationships – my expectations about the future. I expected that my romantic partner and I would live happily ever after and predictably reach every milestone that I thought was important (at the time), like getting engaged, getting married, and starting a family. I wanted my friendships to unfold beautifully, where we would grow closer and closer and spend more time together and become best friends forever!
I had so many ideas about the future and how I wanted my relationships to be, that I didn’t enjoy them in the present moment or appreciate them in a way that actually felt good. It was like I had a perfect list of everything I wanted in all of my relationships and I had to tick each item off the list at the “right” time and in the “right” ways.
Let me just say that my expectations were far, far too high and instead of helping me create fulfilling relationships, those expectations did the exact opposite. I ended up with relationships that were incredibly inauthentic because I was pretending to be perfect and I think the pressure that I put on other people actually pushed them away.
Expectations that are too low…So, you might be thinking that having expectations sounds terrible and it might be better to just let them all go. But I don’t think that’s the answer.
Expectations can still be helpful in a lot of different ways. Having expectations for the people in your life to treat you with respect and consideration is fundamental to developing healthy relationships. Expecting yourself to be respectful and considerate is important, too. Having an expectation that your romantic partner will be honest can be really helpful in learning to trust them.
So, I do think that expectations can play an important role in relationships. We deserve to be treated well by the people we choose to have in our lives and it’s fair to expect that. And expectations can create a healthy amount of growth and effort in our important relationships. For example, I know that my partner, Dec, expects me to communicate well and so I’ve really worked on my communication skills over the last 8 years, which has been beneficial for both myself and our relationship.
How to Manage Expectations in RelationshipsSo, with all that being said, I think there are a few important tips to keep in mind when it comes to managing expectations in relationships.
My first tip is to learn how to express your expectations assertively and compassionately. If you expect your friend to remember your birthday, then remind them about the date so they have a good chance to remember. You could say something like, “Hey, please don’t forget it’s my birthday on the 20th of June and I’d love to catch up some time that week if you’re available.”
If you expect your romantic partner to engage in a meaningful conversation with you at the end of the day, then tell them it’s important to you and why. Try to do this without placing blame or making them feel guilty. You could simply say, “I’ve been feeling a little lonely today. Could we sit outside and chat over a cup of tea?”
Expectations can be helpful and healthy when we learn to express them clearly and with room to compromise.
And this brings me to my second tip about expectations - learn to be flexible with them. You might have an expectation that doesn’t get met every now and then. And sometimes, that’s ok. I have an expectation that Dec will cook a few meals each week, but when he’s been working away from home and not getting back until late, then I’m happy to let go of that expectation for a while and do the majority of the cooking.
I’ve learned that my expectations don’t have to be set in stone. I can change them to suit my relationships when I need to and find compromises that might even work out better.
Just one quick thing to note about being flexible with your expectations is that it can be helpful to have higher expectations at the start of a relationship and let them relax when you build trust with someone.
I used to do the opposite. I set very low expectations at the beginning of a relationship and let people take advantage of me or treat me unfairly and then I gradually set higher and higher expectations. The problem with that approach was that I ended up in relationships that were unhealthy and one-sided. And also, I was trying to change the other person to fit into my expectations that grew more and more demanding which wasn’t really fair to them, either. Now, I set slightly higher expectations at the start of a relationship and become more flexible over time as the relationship grows stronger.
My next tip for managing expectations is to identify unrealistic or unhelpful expectations and practice letting them go. For example, I used to feel really anxious about change. I liked it when things were predictable in life, including my friends, family, and my partner. So, one of my unrealistic expectations was that my loved ones wouldn’t change. That they would be the same person tomorrow, next week, five years from now.
I remember when I was a young girl, my mum had really long hair down to her waist and she got it cut to just below her shoulders. And I was distraught. I ran into a bedroom and cried and wouldn’t talk to her and I remember my aunty trying to calm me down. I felt so betrayed by that small change (and I feel bad now for my mum who just wanted to get a nice haircut!).
But my point is, I had these huge expectations that the people in my life wouldn’t change physically, emotionally, or socially. And that’s an expectation I’ve identified and worked hard to let go of because it’s completely unrealistic to expect that the people in my life won’t change.
Now, one last thing before I wrap up this episode. Below, you can download a free copy of The Mindful Communication Guide which I created to help you practice being assertive, build your communication skills, and strengthen your relationships.
Make sure you stay tuned for the next episode of The Mindful Kind podcast which will be all about the power of presence in relationships and how to implement it.
Thank you so much for listening and I hope you have a wonderful week, Mindful Kind.
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P.S Do you enjoy The Mindful Kind podcast? I'd be so grateful if you could leave a review. Not only do your reviews help people find my podcast, but I really love reading about your experiences and thoughts. Click here to leave a review, select 'Ratings and Reviews' then 'Write a Review' and let me know how The Mindful Kind has helped you. Sending so much gratitude your way!
Hello and welcome to episode 317 of The Mindful Kind podcast.
This episode is all about meditations for people with busy minds and there’s a really big reason why I’m passionate about this particular topic. You see, back when I first started learning about mindfulness, I also tried a few different types of meditations. And I really didn’t like what happened whenever I tried to practice formal meditations!
As soon as I closed my eyes to try and focus on a meditation, my mind would just go totally haywire. Within seconds of starting a meditation, I’d be thinking about my relationships or work or cooking or cleaning or exercising or clothes. Just about anything except the meditation itself. And I kept getting so frustrated and upset because I wanted to develop a consistent meditation practice but every time I tried to meditate, I felt like a failure.
And so, at the time, I leaned away from formal meditations and instead practiced mindfulness in other ways, like mindful walking and creative mindfulness activities - anything that allowed me to avoid closing my eyes and trying to focus my attention.
However, I kept coming back to the idea of meditation. I tried different apps, I tried doing self-guided meditations, I went to a few classes (like yoga nidra). And even though I found a few helpful resources, I still felt like I really struggled with meditation.
In 2017, I decided to enrol in a course so I could learn more about meditation (and also how to teach it). Over the next year or so of studying, I really embraced my meditation practice, tried different things, and learned a lot! And it was awesome because I found a few things that worked really well for me and my busy mind.
And I’m really glad I persisted with meditation because it really is something I now often find very calming. It helps me manage stress, it helps me deal with pain, and I look forward to practicing it, knowing how it makes me feel.
So, I thought I’d take some time to share some of my favourite meditations for people, like me, who have busy minds, or who might have tried meditation but found it challenging to practice.
Just before I dive into those meditations, I’d like to mention one thing that has been really helpful for me. When I finally accepted that my mind was going to wander and that I wasn’t going to be able to focus on a meditation 100%, it was such a huge weight off my shoulders. Being a bit of a perfectionist, I always wanted to have the perfect meditation experiences where my mind would stay totally in the moment, I wouldn’t get distracted and I’d feel totally calm and chilled out. So when that didn’t happen, I felt like a failure and it just increased my feelings of frustration.
So, here’s one thing that I highly recommend you try to do - give yourself permission to have a wandering mind. Accept that your wandering mind is going to be a part of your meditation practice, not something that you need to avoid. Even now, I can do a meditation and get carried away thinking about what I’ll cook for dinner or I’ll start mentally planning a podcast episode. When I notice that my mind has wandered, I just do my best to refocus on the meditation without judging the mind wandering as “bad” or “wrong”. It’s just a natural part of my meditation practice.
Ok, now let’s dive into some great meditations for busy minds.
Meditation 1: Mindful walking Rather than struggling to sit still with pent up energy, I find that it often feels a lot better to get outside, move my body, and let my mind enjoy the stimulation of the environment. My partner, Dec, and I just moved into our new home a few weeks ago and I found a great local walking track. It goes along a creek and I always see different birds and new flowers and in the evening I can see the sun setting - it’s just such a natural way for me to find a state of meditation. I usually won’t take my phone so I just can enjoy the walk distraction-free and I like that every time I go on the walk, there are subtle differences that capture my attention and help my mind stay more present.
Meditation 2: A short breathing technique The main reason why I think breathing techniques are awesome is that they can also help relieve stress. When you breathe deeply, you can help de-escalate feelings of stress and for me, when I’m stressed, I often feel a lot of physical tension in my chest and stomach. When I focus on breathing techniques, even just for 30 seconds or a minute, I notice a big difference in how I feel, physically and mentally. Usually, I feel lighter, less tense, and a bit more clear-minded.
And there are lots of different breathing techniques that I use and enjoy! The “Relax with the Exhale” breathing technique is especially lovely. To practice, you can take a deep breath in, hold the breath for a moment, and as you exhale, consciously release any tension you might be holding in your body.
Another breathing technique I like is called “The Breathing Waltz,” which I learned when I was volunteering on the helpline at the Anxiety Recovery Centre for Victoria. To practice, simply breathe in for three counts, hold for three counts, and exhale for three counts. It’s quite a simple technique, but it can be really effective in keeping your attention (because of the counting) and it can help you slow down your breathing pattern if you’re feeling a bit stressed.
Meditation 3: Visualisation Sometimes, I struggle with this myself! I’m not a particularly visual person and often, I have weird or unpleasant images appear during visualisations. So, what I’ve found really helpful is listening to guided visualisation meditations, where someone else literally talks me through a scene.
However, if you’d like to practice this yourself, it can be really powerful because you can choose somewhere that feels safe, meaningful, and comfortable for you. Maybe you’ll visualise the beach because it’s a place you really love to visit. Maybe there’s a walk you used to love to do and you can visualise yourself going on that walk. Otherwise you can visualise yourself in your favourite garden, park, or wherever else you like. You could even visualise yourself achieving a goal and exploring how that would feel. There are so many wonderful ways to experiment with this meditation and the visual element can help keep your attention if you have a wandering mind.
So, those are some meditations that can be really helpful if you have a busy mind. Mindful walking, short breathing techniques, and visualisation. I recommend choosing one to start with and just see how it goes. Remember you don’t have to be perfect and you can start with very short meditations and build them up over time.
If you’d like some guidance and support on your meditation journey, then I highly recommend getting a copy of my Relaxation Meditation Album. The album features some of my favourite meditations, including a really lovely visualisation and the “Relax with the Exhale” breathing technique. Especially if you struggle to fall asleep at night or if you find yourself getting easily overwhelmed by stress, this is a great meditation album to use. Click here to get my Relaxation Meditation Album which you can download straight to your computer and start listening as soon as you’re ready.
Thank you so much for listening and I hope you have a wonderful week, Mindful Kind.
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P.S Do you enjoy The Mindful Kind podcast? I'd be so grateful if you could leave a review. Not only do your reviews help people find my podcast, but I really love reading about your experiences and thoughts. Click here to leave a review, select 'Ratings and Reviews' then 'Write a Review' and let me know how The Mindful Kind has helped you. Sending so much gratitude your way!
Hello and welcome to episode 316 of The Mindful Kind podcast.
Over the last ten years, I’ve been working on strengthening my sense of self-love. While that might sound a bit cheesy, it’s honestly been a really important journey for me and it’s something that I’m glad I decided to prioritise.
I used to spend a lot of time criticising myself and judging myself. Sometimes, I didn’t really like myself all that much. I wanted to be more extroverted, more open, much smarter, have better style, feel more confident, and have a better sense of humour. There were so many parts of myself that I felt disappointed about - both internally and externally. I was used to talking to myself unkindly and mentally beating myself up over my mistakes and the things that I thought were flaws.
When I finally decided that I wanted to work on self-love, it wasn’t even about “loving” who I am. First, it was just about working on self-acceptance and learning to like the things that make me unique. My personality, the way I look, my ambitions, my choices - all those little things that allow me to be who I really am.
It’s been hard, sometimes. Other times, it’s been really easy. Especially after I started this podcast and started hearing from people who are similar to me in so many ways! It made me feel less alone and less alienated.
And the more I accepted and liked myself, I think the more I attracted people into my life who support and encourage me. And I’ll share more about this a little later on;)
I decided to create this episode to share the different ways that self-love can have a positive impact on the other relationships in your life. Because when I talk about self-love, I know some people feel like it’s a “selfish” thing to work on or that they don’t deserve it.
But here’s the thing. Yes, it’s amazing to decide to strengthen self-love for yourself because you want to and you’re excited to have a better relationship with yourself. But there can be other things to motivate you to strengthen self-love, including the way self-love creates some wonderful benefits for the other relationships in your life!
Let’s dive into some of those benefits and I hope they inspire you to either start (or continue) building self-love.
Benefit 1: You might become less judgemental and so people will feel more comfortable being themselves around you. This is definitely something I noticed within myself and my relationships. The more I worked on developing self-love, the more I felt secure and open-minded, and the less I projected my own insecurities onto other people. It gradually became easier and easier to accept the imperfect parts of myself, or the things I thought were flaws, and the more accepting I felt of myself, the more natural it became to be accepting of others, too.
Benefit 2: You feel more genuinely seen and loved by the people around you. I look back now and I remember trying so hard to be some kind of “perfect person” because I didn’t feel like I was good enough to just be myself. So, I felt like my friends and family didn’t love the real me. They loved the false version of myself that I’d tried to perfect - a shinier version without any flaws - while I hid away my vulnerabilities and quirks.
The more I accepted and embrace my real self, the more I felt able to share that version with the people around me. At first, I was scared that I’d be judged or that I’d lose relationships. But if anything, the majority of my relationships became stronger. Everything felt more authentic and my confidence in myself flourished because my friends and family were seeing, and loving, the real me.
Benefit 3: You probably won’t feel as drained in social situations and the more energy you’ll have to share with other people. I remember in social situations, I used to spend so much time beforehand worrying about saying the wrong thing or being nervous about my outfit or the way I looked. I was so critical of myself that I felt tired before I even got to social events, even if it was just a coffee with a friend. (Let alone the energy I then spent trying to be perfect during the social situation.)
Now that I spend less time and energy trying to hide my real self or trying to be perfect, I have so much more energy to give to my relationships. Catching up with friends feels fun and exciting, rather than nerve-wracking.
Benefit 4: You can have more honest and open conversations. I very rarely used to admit when I felt stressed, angry, upset, or lonely because those emotions made me feel like I wasn’t good enough. I was worried that if I expressed anger, people would think I was unkind or unforgiving. I was worried that if I expressed stress, people would think I was uptight or overthinking things too much. I had so many emotions that I locked away because they made me feel a bit ashamed.
But the more I learned to love myself, including my thoughts and emotions, the more I felt able to express those things. And so, the more I got to have real conversations about important things with the people in my life who cared about me.
Benefit 5: I’ve attracted more people into my life who align with my values and the things I really care about. I started to express my real self, including my values, my interests, and my needs, and in doing that, I seemed to find more people who were quite similar to me.
For example, I used to wish that I could be the life of the party, that I could walk into a social event with so much confidence and charisma and have loads of fun. But I nearly always find parties really overwhelming, loud, awkward and draining. I love small catch-ups with my friends at home and the more I’ve been honest about that, the more I’ve developed stronger friendships with people who enjoy the same thing. We don’t have to be exactly the same and agree on everything, but I do love having friends who share some of my values and interests.
In saying that, I do also think it’s important to have friends who might encourage you to go outside your comfort zone! But they also know and respect your boundaries and limits and don’t make you feel guilty about your real self.
I hope you’ve enjoyed learning about some of the benefits that can unfold when you love yourself more. If you’d like to learn some strategies for practicing self-love, especially at the end of a tough day, then click here to read my article, 7 Ways to Practice Self-Love When You’ve Had a Bad Day. Each one of the strategies is specific and practical so you can start putting them into practice today!
Thank you so much for listening and I hope you have a wonderful week, Mindful Kind.
Subscribe & Review in iTunesAre you subscribed to The Mindful Kind podcast? If yes - thank you so much. You won't be missing out on any awesome upcoming content!
If not, don't worry, it isn't too late. Just click here and press that subscribe button!
P.S Do you enjoy The Mindful Kind podcast? I'd be so grateful if you could leave a review. Not only do your reviews help people find my podcast, but I really love reading about your experiences and thoughts. Click here to leave a review, select 'Ratings and Reviews' then 'Write a Review' and let me know how The Mindful Kind has helped you. Sending so much gratitude your way!
Hello and welcome to episode 315 of The Mindful Kind podcast all about attributional styles and how they can impact your happiness.
Let me ask you a question. Do you like to know why things happen in your life?
I’m guessing that you do because you’re a human being and we like it when things that happen in our lives make sense! We search for meaning, answers and greater understanding, sometimes without even realising it.
And so, we often make attributions about the events in our lives.
When I failed my driving licence when I was 18 years old, I attributed that to being a terrible driver and letting my nerves get the better of me. However, I also could’ve attributed that event to having a particularly strict assessor, or driving in a car that wasn’t familiar to me.
A few weeks ago, my skin broke out again with painful acne and I attributed that to my hormones. But it also could’ve been for a different reason, like eating a lot more sugar than usual over Christmas or the hot weather making my skin sweat.
It’s normal to make attributions, or in other words, we explain the causes of different events that happen in our lives. When something happens, we like to think we know why.
A psychologist called Martin Seligman has spent a lot of time researching what he calls attributional styles. Someone can have a negative attributional style, which means they generally attribute negative events to reasons that are internal, stable, and global.
So, going back to my earlier example of failing my driving licence, I remember feeling a real sense of hopelessness. I told myself I’d failed because I was a bad driver and that it was my fault. That’s the internal part of the attribution.
I also thought I’d never get my driving licence because I’d never improve or manage my nerves. That’s the stable part, in other words, I thought things would never change.
And I thought that any future exams that I might do in any other area of my life would make me crumble under pressure and that I’d fail those, too. That’s the global part, which basically means that if one event goes wrong, all similar future events will go wrong too.
I know it sounds a bit dramatic, but that was the way my mind worked at the time! I tended to have a negative attributional style. Which means I attributed negative events to reasons that were internal, stable, and global.
Now, let’s take a look at an optimistic attributional style, which is something I’ve been working on for the last few years. Someone with an optimistic attributional style will attribute negative events, like failure, to reasons that are external, unstable, and specific.
For example, I remember reading a negative review of my podcast a year or so ago and I really did my best to tap into the optimistic attributional style. I didn’t blame myself for the review and instead, tried to accept that maybe the reviewer just didn’t resonate with my work, maybe they were feeling triggered, or maybe they were just having a bad day.
It was also really important for me to focus on the unstable and specific aspects, like it was just one person and it didn’t mean every future review would be negative. Basically, I didn’t blame myself, at least not too harshly, and I didn’t start worrying that every review I’d receive from then on would be negative!
You might be wondering why this is important. Why put in the time and effort to cultivate a more optimistic attributional style?
Well, there’s lots of research to suggest that having an optimistic attributional style can potentially be a powerfully good thing. For example, some studies found that people with an optimistic attributional style was associated with having a higher quality of life, less likely to experience symptoms of depression, and felt higher levels of motivation, achievement, and physical wellbeing. And if you have an optimistic attributional style at work, you’re more likely to be productive and to assume that things will work out for the best.
So I’d love for you to think about your own attributional style. When something goes wrong or you face a setback of some kind, what do you attribute it to? Do you assume that the event went wrong because you were completely at fault? Do you think that the problem will keep going wrong and it won’t improve? Do you apply the one failure to other areas of your life that don’t really have anything to do with it?
For example, imagine you’re trying to save money for something important to you - like maybe you want to take a few weeks off work and go travelling.
So your goal is to save money, but sometimes, you overspend on unnecessary things and get a bit carried away when you’re online shopping.
- Maybe, you think, “there’s something wrong with me because I can’t stop myself from overspending and I hate that I can’t control my spending very well.”
- You might also think, “I’m never going to be able to save up enough money to take time off work and travel because I can’t change my spending habits. It’s hopeless.”
- And you might think, “Well, if I can’t even stick to my budget, what else can’t I do? Stick to my health goals or stick to my productivity goals? If I fail at this, then I’ll probably fail at other things, too.”
All of those thoughts could be signs of a negative attributional style.
Another little sign of a negative attributional style is that when good things happen, you attribute them to luck. So, let’s say you achieve your budget goal for the week. Rather than congratulating yourself and attributing this good thing to your efforts, you might think, “Well it was just lucky because there weren’t any good sales on this week.”
Now, just to be clear, I’m not saying you’re doing the wrong thing if you tend to have a negative attributional style. I often had one myself, and sometimes, I still do. Practicing optimism can be a challenging thing and it can take a lot of time and effort. But I do also think it’s worth trying!
Let’s take a look at the same situation of going over your budget but with a more optimistic attributional style.
- If you buy some unnecessary items and get carried away with online shopping, you might think “Well, I haven’t had enough time to build good spending habits yet. I was influenced by some great marketing and got a little bit carried away. However, I learned some helpful lessons that I can implement next time so it hopefully won’t happen again. Sure, I might struggle to stay within my budget but I achieve plenty of other things.”
Notice the difference between the optimistic versus the negative attributional styles. In the optimistic example, you didn’t solely blame yourself but also acknowledged other factors that might have been involved. You had hope for the future that you could implement some changes and avoid making the same mistakes in the future. And you didn’t apply your one struggle to other areas of your life and convince yourself that just because you had some setbacks with one goal, that didn’t mean you’d struggle with your other goals.
I really hope you’ve enjoyed learning more about attributional styles and why it can be important to cultivate a more optimistic attributional style (if you’d like to!).
The next time you experience a setback or challenging event, try to notice your thoughts and which attributional style you lean towards. Do you blame yourself or look for other factors that might have been involved? Do you worry that your situation will never improve or do you feel hopeful that you’ll be able to make changes and grow? Do you apply the one setback to other areas of your life or do you focus on that challenge specifically?
If you’re looking for more optimistic thoughts you can focus on, then scroll down a little further and enter your email address to receive a free copy of my favourite affirmations! The more you focus on affirmations and practice them, the more natural and effortless they’ll feel to implement, so feel free to print them out and keep them somewhere you’ll see them often!
Thank you so much for listening and I hope you have a wonderful week, Mindful Kind.
Subscribe & Review in iTunesAre you subscribed to The Mindful Kind podcast? If yes - thank you so much. You won't be missing out on any awesome upcoming content!
If not, don't worry, it isn't too late. Just click here and press that subscribe button!
P.S Do you enjoy The Mindful Kind podcast? I'd be so grateful if you could leave a review. Not only do your reviews help people find my podcast, but I really love reading about your experiences and thoughts. Click here to leave a review, select 'Ratings and Reviews' then 'Write a Review' and let me know how The Mindful Kind has helped you. Sending so much gratitude your way!
Hello and welcome to episode 314 of The Mindful Kind podcast.
In the previous episode, Exciting Plans for the New Year, I talked about some of the key things I’m focusing on in 2022 and I mentioned that I’d like to practice giving people the benefit of the doubt more.
When I first started thinking about this concept, I did some of my own research and found some very interesting things, which I’m excited to share with you in this episode.
But first of all, I’d like to explain why I think it can be important to give people the benefit of the doubt.
I don’t think this is something I tend to do naturally because I still find it really easy to jump to conclusions, often negative conclusions. For example, if I spend time with someone and they’re acting disinterested or disengaged, I might start thinking that they don’t like me or that I’ve said something wrong. If I don’t know the person very well, I might assume that they’re unfriendly or cold.
Now, this can also be known as an “attributional style.” Someone’s attributional style is the way they describe life events to themselves. And this is a super interesting topic that really deserves its own episode. So, stay tuned for next week’s episode of The Mindful Kind which will focus on attributional styles and how to nurture a more positive attributional style;)
Back to this episode for now!
So, there are a few potential problems with jumping to negative conclusions about other people.
- First of all, I don’t know that I’m right when I jump to a conclusion. Of course, it feels like I’m right! But just because I think I can see the whole picture clearly and jumped to a conclusion doesn’t mean I’ve made an accurate conclusion.
- Secondly, jumping to a negative conclusion can affect how I feel, how I interact, and potentially, even how I treat the other person. If I’ve just met someone and I think they’re unfriendly, then I probably won’t try very hard to get to know them or develop a friendship with them. I might try to find someone else to talk to instead. I never try to be unkind and I do my best to be open-minded, but that’s harder to do when I’ve already jumped to a negative conclusion (like that they’re unfriendly or cold).
…However, that person might have had a bad day. They might be feeling nervous or shy. They might be worried about something completely different, which makes them seem aloof or unfriendly. There are so many different reasons why I might have perceived them as unfriendly that have nothing to do with me and also nothing to do with their personality or who they are as a person.
And honestly, I’ve been working on jumping to fewer conclusions for a long time! I’m a lot more open-minded than I used to be, but it’s still easy to fall into those old thought patterns.
But one thing I have found really helpful to focus on is… giving people the benefit of the doubt and consciously trying to practice that as much as I can.
Obviously, I’m not perfect, and sometimes, it’s really tricky to implement. Sometimes, giving people the benefit of the doubt isn’t always helpful, which I’ll talk about later on in this episode, too!
But giving people the benefit of the doubt has helped me feel happier and I think it’s improved my relationships, too. And my experience isn’t abnormal.
In a study published in 2020, 707 participants were asked to read about different scenarios like being ignored by a colleague or being stood up at a café. You know - the kinds of scenarios where we might jump to a negative conclusion or make a negative assumption about someone else!
Then, the participants rated the scenario on how much they thought the other person acted intentionally, how much they blamed them, and how angry they felt. The results showed that people who gave others the benefit of the doubt were happier compared to the people who didn’t give others the benefit of the doubt.
This study suggests that we tend to be happier when we assume other people have positive intentions, that they’re not trying to hurt our feelings, and when we don’t blame them for things that don’t work out.
So, I’d love to share some of my experiences with giving people the benefit of the doubt and explain why it can be such a good thing.
(Just by the way, I think that giving people the benefit of the doubt isn’t about making excuses for people or letting them take advantage of you, but more about not jumping straight to negative conclusions about them.)
The first thing I’ve noticed about giving someone the benefit of the doubt is that it’s decreased my experiences with stress. Making negative assumptions about people didn’t exactly feel good. I remember lots of times when I was driving in Melbourne and I’d see people driving badly, I’d focus on thoughts like, “They’re doing the wrong thing deliberately and trying to be annoying” or something like that.
And I remember one time, in particular, I was feeling really frustrated because the car in front of me was driving really slow and it was a bit unpredictable and I really had to pay close attention. I was jumping to a whole lot of negative conclusions and getting more and more stressed out.
And several minutes later, the car turned down a street and I realised that the car in front of them had L plates in the windows, which means the driver was learning how to drive. Suddenly, the slightly weird speeds and unpredictability made sense, and I realised I’d been feeling stressed and annoyed at them. And I kind of wished I’d been more understanding and given them the benefit of the doubt much earlier!
The second thing I’ve noticed is that giving people the benefit of the doubt can help me feel more optimistic and compassionate. When I’m trying to assume that other people are doing their best, even when they make mistakes, I generally feel happier and more understanding. Like the world is a better place, filled with nicer people.
And I think sometimes, giving people the benefit of the doubt actually creates a positive ripple effect. If someone’s having a tough day and acting a bit rude, and you give them the benefit of the doubt and act calmly and kindly, they might feel supported or heard and start being a bit nicer or more open.
And the third thing I’ve noticed about giving people the benefit of the doubt is that I forgive myself faster for my own mistakes. The more I’ve treated other people with positivity and understanding, the easier it’s been to give those things to myself as well. A few weeks ago, I ended up running 40 minutes late to have lunch with some of my friends. I don’t even like being 2 minutes late!
And when I was younger, I would’ve absolutely mentally beaten myself up for that. I would’ve felt so guilty and like a terrible friend and spent weeks apologising and trying to make up for it.
But because I’ve been giving other people the benefit of the doubt, I unconsciously assumed that my friends would give me the benefit of the doubt and know that I didn’t mean to be late. It wasn’t that I didn’t care about seeing them or that I didn’t value their time, it was just that I made a mistake and lost track of time. (And that’s exactly what happened!) Of course, I apologised and I don’t make a habit of being late, but they gave me the benefit of the doubt in the same way that I would’ve done the same for them.
Now, as I mentioned earlier, I do also want to offer a word of caution about giving other people the benefit of the doubt. Sometimes, people will let you down, hurt your feelings deliberately, or take advantage of you. That’s why I think it’s important to give others the benefit of the doubt, but not at your own expense. Keep yourself safe, maintain your boundaries, and spend more time with people who support you and genuinely care for you.
Keep in mind that just because you give someone the benefit of the doubt, that doesn’t mean you have to give them a million chances or maintain a relationship with them. For example, you might have a friend or family member you don’t get along well with. You can give them the benefit of the doubt and say, “They’re doing the best they can…” But that doesn’t mean you have to try and be their best friend or drop everything to help them out. You can think good thoughts about them and keep your distance. And I personally think that can be a healthy thing to do.
I hope you’ve enjoyed this episode about giving other people the benefit of the doubt. Don’t forget to stay tuned for the next episode of attributional styles because I’ll be sharing some helpful tips for developing a more positive attributional style (and why that’s so important!).
Just before I wrap up, I have something I’d like to ask you. Have you reflected on 2021 yet? Have you thought about the lessons you’ve learned, the positive things that happened, the relationships in your life, and the things that bring you joy?
If you haven’t reflected on those things yet, I have great news for you! I’ve created a beautiful guide with powerful journaling prompts to help you reflect on the year that’s gone by and you can get your copy for free just below. I think it’s so important to reflect on the year that’s gone by because it can help us tap into gratitude, and be more intentional about the year ahead.
Thank you for listening and I hope you have a wonderful week, Mindful Kind.
Subscribe & Review in iTunesAre you subscribed to The Mindful Kind podcast? If yes - thank you so much. You won't be missing out on any awesome upcoming content!
If not, don't worry, it isn't too late. Just click here and press that subscribe button!
P.S Do you enjoy The Mindful Kind podcast? I'd be so grateful if you could leave a review. Not only do your reviews help people find my podcast, but I really love reading about your experiences and thoughts. Click here to leave a review, select 'Ratings and Reviews' then 'Write a Review' and let me know how The Mindful Kind has helped you. Sending so much gratitude your way!
Hello and welcome to episode 313 of The Mindful Kind podcast.
It’s almost the start of a brand new year and I’ve been thinking a lot about some things I’d love to focus on. I shared a few of my ideas with my wonderful newsletter subscribers recently and I received some really lovely and thoughtful responses which inspired me to talk more about my plans for 2022 here on the podcast.
Yes, this episode will be a bit light-hearted, but I really hope that you find some exciting new ideas you can implement in the New Year, too. And if not, I hope you’ll feel inspired to think about what might bring meaning and joy and gratitude into your life and make some plans for yourself!
Let’s dive into some of the things I’m excited to focus on in 2022.
1: Giving people the benefit of the doubt I’ve noticed that over the last few years, I’ve been slowly changing the way I feel about other people. I’ve been a bit less sensitive, a bit more forgiving, and a bit more easy-going. And I could not figure out exactly what I was doing to feel that way. I knew it was partly thanks to mindfulness and being more open-minded. And partly to do with setting better boundaries.
But then, a few weeks ago, I realised what the big difference was! I often used to assume that other people were deliberately trying to do the wrong thing or intentionally hurting my feelings. But now, I’m much more likely to give someone the benefit of the doubt. Meaning, I assume that they’re doing the best they can or that I don’t know what hardships they might be dealing with behind the scenes.
So, I started looking into the research about giving people the benefit of the doubt and I was really excited by what I found! As I learned more on this topic, I decided I wanted to dedicate a whole episode of The Mindful Kind to it so we can dive a bit deeper. Make sure you stay tuned for the next episode of The Mindful Kind, number 314, about giving people the benefit of the doubt.
2: Slow mindful movementThe next thing I’m excited to be focusing on in 2022 is slow mindful movement.
- If you listened to last week’s episode of The Mindful Kind, you’ll already know that I recently started practicing Qigong (which is similar to Tai Chi) and I’m really enjoying it! I signed up for an online course called Modern Qigong (affiliate link) and I’ve been doing short classes most days. My favourite class so far was “Transform Stress Into Vitality.” If you’d like to learn more about Qigong, you can also watch a free Masterclass about it here (affiliate link).
- Earlier last year, I learned a lot about walking and how good it is for brain health, and I’ve been really keen to do more mindful walking. My partner, Dec, and I are moving into our new home in January 2022 and we’re really close to a lot of walking tracks, so I’m really excited to make mindful walking a more regular habit again!
- I’ve also practiced yoga pretty consistently over the last few years, so I’m planning to keep that going in 2022, too.
I’m not sure exactly about the frequency of my slow mindful movement goals yet, but I’m thinking I’ll do at least one type of slow mindful movement each day, whether that’s a mindful walk, yoga, or Qigong. And then I might build my habits from there!
3: CookingI can’t even tell you how excited I am to have a nice kitchen in our new home! I’ve pretty much been reading nothing except recipe books for the last month. At the end of most days, you’ll find me curled up in bed with a cookbook, reading over old recipes I used to love making and new ones I’m excited to try.
You might not know this, but Dec and I moved into the upstairs part of a shed on my mum’s property nearly three years ago so we could focus on building our online business teaching mindfulness and stress management. We also wanted to pay off some debt we’d accrued while living in Melbourne and save a deposit for our first home!
And it’s been amazing to have the opportunity to save money and focus on the business. But we don’t actually have a kitchen, a bathroom, or running water in our little space. It’s one big room with our desks, the couch, our bed, a bench with a blender, kettle, and microwave, and the bed for our dogs.
I was using my mum’s kitchen once a week to do all my cooking and storing it in containers in the fridge. It wasn’t exactly a fun cooking experience, it was just a bit of a rush to try and get it all done as fast as I could!
So, once we move into our new home in just a few short weeks, I’m so excited to have a kitchen I can use whenever I like! I can get up in the morning and make pancakes if I feel like it. Or make a delicious slice or muffins to eat with cups of tea. I honestly can’t wait to experiment more in the kitchen and have some fun trying new recipes.
4: Going on new adventuresThe fourth thing I’m excited to focus on in the New Year is going on new adventures. Moving to a new area is a little daunting, but mostly I’m excited to go exploring and discover new hidden gems. For the last few months, I’ve been following businesses and people who live near our new home and I’ve saved heaps of posts about things to do!
For example, I followed a local food store that often posts about restaurants in the area and I’ve saved all the restaurants that look interesting so we can visit them. I’ve also searched for hashtags on Instagram about the local area and found lots of great walks, parks, and picnic spots.
It’s been so much fun and I’m really excited, but I don’t think you necessarily have to move to a new place to do this. You might be surprised by the cool places you might find nearby when you take the time to look. Like me, you might want to make a list of cafes, restaurants, yoga studios, gardens, walking trails, lakes, and other fun things to do. Then, take some time to go on new adventures in the new year.
Just before I wrap up this episode, I’m so excited to let you know that I’ve created an epic free resource featuring all my favourite books, my favourite podcasts to listen to, my favourite courses - basically all the things that I’ve found helpful over the years. And you can find this entire list right here so you can dive into some really amazing content and learn from the same resources that I’ve loved learning from.
Click here to read “Rach’s Recommended Resources: The Best Books And Podcasts For Great Wellbeing, Mental Health, and Happiness.”
Thank you so much for listening and I hope you have a wonderful week, Mindful Kind.
Subscribe & Review in iTunesAre you subscribed to The Mindful Kind podcast? If yes - thank you so much. You won't be missing out on any awesome upcoming content!
If not, don't worry, it isn't too late. Just click here and press that subscribe button!
P.S Do you enjoy The Mindful Kind podcast? I'd be so grateful if you could leave a review. Not only do your reviews help people find my podcast, but I really love reading about your experiences and thoughts. Click here to leave a review, select 'Ratings and Reviews' then 'Write a Review' and let me know how The Mindful Kind has helped you. Sending so much gratitude your way!
Hello and welcome to episode 312 of The Mindful Kind podcast.
In this episode, you'll discover three important stages that can be helpful when you're making choices that feel right for you.
Stage 1: Collect new information with an open mind (even if you don't agree with it!)
Stage 2: Analyse new information and ask yourself helpful questions, like "Could it be good or interesting if I apply my new knowledge to my life?"
Stage 3: Experiment and adjust. If you decide to apply new things in your life, notice what works well (and what doesn't!).
Note: In the episode, I mentioned that I've recently started practicing Qigong and I'm really enjoying it! Click here to watch a masterclass on Qigong or click here to enrol in the same course I've been studying. (Please note these are affiliate links and I may receive a commission if you make a purchase at no extra cost to you).
Thank you so much for listening and I hope you have a wonderful week, Mindful Kind.
Subscribe & Review in iTunesAre you subscribed to The Mindful Kind podcast? If yes - thank you so much. You won't be missing out on any awesome upcoming content!
If not, don't worry, it isn't too late. Just click here and press that subscribe button!
P.S Do you enjoy The Mindful Kind podcast? I'd be so grateful if you could leave a review. Not only do your reviews help people find my podcast, but I really love reading about your experiences and thoughts. Click here to leave a review, select 'Ratings and Reviews' then 'Write a Review' and let me know how The Mindful Kind has helped you. Sending so much gratitude your way!
Hello and welcome to episode 311 of The Mindful Kind podcast.
In this episode, you'll discover four things that can be helpful to do when you're feeling a bit lost (based on my own experiences over the last week!).
1: Take the pressure off yourself and try to avoid making big decisions or changes if you don't feel ready
2: Clean and organise your home or workspace
3: Spend time in nature
4: Remember that feeling lost is usually a temporary experience and simply try to do the best you can to support yourself
Don't forget to subscribe to The Mindful Kind podcast and join my newsletter list below!
Thank you so much for listening and I hope you have a wonderful week, Mindful Kind.
Subscribe & Review in iTunesAre you subscribed to The Mindful Kind podcast? If yes - thank you so much. You won't be missing out on any awesome upcoming content!
If not, don't worry, it isn't too late. Just click here and press that subscribe button!
P.S Do you enjoy The Mindful Kind podcast? I'd be so grateful if you could leave a review. Not only do your reviews help people find my podcast, but I really love reading about your experiences and thoughts. Click here to leave a review, select 'Ratings and Reviews' then 'Write a Review' and let me know how The Mindful Kind has helped you. Sending so much gratitude your way!
Hello and welcome to episode 310 of The Mindful Kind podcast.
First of all, I have some very exciting news to share! My new online course, Derail Imposter Syndrome, is currently open for enrolment! Click here to find out more and enrol today!
In this episode, you'll discover some key signs of Imposter Syndrome, including:
-
feeling like an imposter despite evidence that says otherwise
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feeling exhausted or burnt out
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sabotaging your success
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attributing your success almost exclusively to external things
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feeling distressed by mistakes or setbacks
Please keep in mind that this isn't an exhaustive list of signs of Imposter Syndrome and you don't have to experience every sign, either!
Thanks so much for listening and I hope you have a wonderful week, Mindful Kind.
ONLINE COURSE
Derail Imposter Syndrome
FIND OUT MORE →
Subscribe & Review in iTunesAre you subscribed to The Mindful Kind podcast? If yes - thank you so much. You won't be missing out on any awesome upcoming content!
If not, don't worry, it isn't too late. Just click here and press that subscribe button!
P.S Do you enjoy The Mindful Kind podcast? I'd be so grateful if you could leave a review. Not only do your reviews help people find my podcast, but I really love reading about your experiences and thoughts. Click here to leave a review, select 'Ratings and Reviews' then 'Write a Review' and let me know how The Mindful Kind has helped you. Sending so much gratitude your way!
Hello and welcome to episode 309 of The Mindful Kind podcast.
Before we dive into the reasons that might be holding you back from success, there's something important to consider...
What does success actually mean to you?
Once you feel more clear about that, it's time to take a look at some things that might be holding you back.
1: Not knowing how to reassure yourself
2: Sabotaging your success or not taking the right actions
3: Lack of confidence
4: Imposter Syndrome
ONLINE COURSE
Derail Imposter Syndrome
FIND OUT MORE →
Derail Imposter Syndrome is now currently available. Click to find out more!
Thanks so much for listening and I hope you have a wonderful week, Mindful Kind.
Subscribe & Review in iTunesAre you subscribed to The Mindful Kind podcast? If yes - thank you so much. You won't be missing out on any awesome upcoming content!
If not, don't worry, it isn't too late. Just click here and press that subscribe button!
P.S Do you enjoy The Mindful Kind podcast? I'd be so grateful if you could leave a review. Not only do your reviews help people find my podcast, but I really love reading about your experiences and thoughts. Click here to leave a review, select 'Ratings and Reviews' then 'Write a Review' and let me know how The Mindful Kind has helped you. Sending so much gratitude your way!
Hello and welcome to episode 308 of The Mindful Kind podcast.
In this episode, you'll hear about some of my experiences with Imposter Syndrome, including how it stopped me from becoming a psychologist and how it almost interfered with my dream of writing a book!
You'll also hear about some experiences from people in my community and how Imposter Syndrome impacted their lives, too.
Understanding Imposter Syndrome and how it might be affecting you can be a great step forward! So be sure to listen to the stories and ask yourself - do you see any similarities? Could you be experiencing Imposter Syndrome?
And if you'd like to work on overcoming Imposter Syndrome even more, I encourage you to enrol in my online course, Derail Imposter Syndrome!
In this online course, you’ll discover all my best knowledge and practical strategies for managing Imposter Syndrome so you can build your confidence and achieve your dreams.
Whether you experience Imposter Syndrome in your career, as a parent, as a sportsperson, or in your relationships, Derail Imposter Syndrome will give you the key things you need to reduce the impact of Imposter Syndrome so you can achieve more success in your life (without feeling like a fraud).
ONLINE COURSE
Derail Imposter Syndrome
FIND OUT MORE →
Thank you so much for listening and I hope you have a wonderful week, Mindful Kind.
Subscribe & Review in iTunesAre you subscribed to The Mindful Kind podcast? If yes - thank you so much. You won't be missing out on any awesome upcoming content!
If not, don't worry, it isn't too late. Just click here and press that subscribe button!
P.S Do you enjoy The Mindful Kind podcast? I'd be so grateful if you could leave a review. Not only do your reviews help people find my podcast, but I really love reading about your experiences and thoughts. Click here to leave a review, select 'Ratings and Reviews' then 'Write a Review' and let me know how The Mindful Kind has helped you. Sending so much gratitude your way!
Hello and welcome to episode 307 of The Mindful Kind podcast.
In this episode, you'll learn about emotional dumping and strategies to help you stop yourself from doing it too much!
I learned about the concept of emotional dumping in Dr Nicole LePera's book, How to Do The Work.
Here are the strategies I shared in the episode:
1: Ask for someone's permission before you start talking about any intense emotional experiences
2: Find a variety of ways to cope with your emotions, such as meditating, journaling, and exercising
3: Talk to different people about your emotions, rather than relying on just one person and do your best to find solutions, instead of just talking about intense emotional experiences
If you feel like other people are regularly "emotionally dumping" on you, try implementing more boundaries. You can learn about this in episodes 254, 255, and 258 of The Mindful Kind podcast.
Thank you so much for listening and I hope you have a wonderful week, Mindful Kind.
Subscribe & Review in iTunesAre you subscribed to The Mindful Kind podcast? If yes - thank you so much. You won't be missing out on any awesome upcoming content!
If not, don't worry, it isn't too late. Just click here and press that subscribe button!
P.S Do you enjoy The Mindful Kind podcast? I'd be so grateful if you could leave a review. Not only do your reviews help people find my podcast, but I really love reading about your experiences and thoughts. Click here to leave a review, select 'Ratings and Reviews' then 'Write a Review' and let me know how The Mindful Kind has helped you. Sending so much gratitude your way!
Hello and welcome to episode 306 of The Mindful Kind podcast.
In this episode, you'll learn about unmet needs and how to deal with them in compassionate ways.
Getting our important needs met isn't always possible, which is why it can be so helpful to know how to look after ourselves well when that happens.
Here are some simple and self-compassionate ways to deal with unmet needs:
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use self-soothing touch
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engage in kind self-talk
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make a positive plan to get your needs met in the future
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talk about your needs with someone you trust
If you're feeling alone and you're looking for someone to talk to about your unmet needs, I highly recommend checking out the sponsor of this episode, BetterHelp. Head over to trybetterhelp.com/themindfulkind to receive 10% off your first month.
Thanks so much for listening and I hope you have a wonderful week, Mindful Kind.
Subscribe & Review in iTunesAre you subscribed to The Mindful Kind podcast? If yes - thank you so much. You won't be missing out on any awesome upcoming content!
If not, don't worry, it isn't too late. Just click here and press that subscribe button!
P.S Do you enjoy The Mindful Kind podcast? I'd be so grateful if you could leave a review. Not only do your reviews help people find my podcast, but I really love reading about your experiences and thoughts. Click here to leave a review, select 'Ratings and Reviews' then 'Write a Review' and let me know how The Mindful Kind has helped you. Sending so much gratitude your way!
Hello and welcome to episode 305 of The Mindful Kind podcast about dealing with resentment.
In this episode, you'll learn more about what resentment is and some strategies that I've found helpful when I'm dealing with it, including:
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Practice observing resentment and understanding what it feels like and why it occurs
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Explore if the resentment might be telling you something important. For example, is it a sign that you might need to seek extra support, communicate more effectively, or stand up for yourself?
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Give yourself time to heal from resentment, but also look for opportunities to be honest about it (especially if resentment is appearing in your close relationships)
Click here to sign up for my email list so you can receive regular support from me via email:)
Thank you so much for listening and I hope you have a wonderful week, Mindful Kind.
Subscribe & Review in iTunesAre you subscribed to The Mindful Kind podcast? If yes - thank you so much. You won't be missing out on any awesome upcoming content!
If not, don't worry, it isn't too late. Just click here and press that subscribe button!
P.S Do you enjoy The Mindful Kind podcast? I'd be so grateful if you could leave a review. Not only do your reviews help people find my podcast, but I really love reading about your experiences and thoughts. Click here to leave a review, select 'Ratings and Reviews' then 'Write a Review' and let me know how The Mindful Kind has helped you. Sending so much gratitude your way!
Hello and welcome to episode 304 of The Mindful Kind podcast about mindfulness and how it can help boost your energy. This is a topic I covered a little bit in my online workshop, 3 Secrets You Need To Know To Level Up With Mindfulness, but I think it’s super interesting and I want to dive a little deeper into the topic on this episode.
Just in case you’re new to The Mindful Kind, I’ll quickly describe what mindfulness is and give you a quick example.
Mindfulness is the practice of being present in the moment with an attitude of curiosity and open-mindedness. People have been practicing mindfulness for thousands of years through various religions and traditions, including Buddhism and yoga. And in more recent years, mindfulness has become more popular thanks to its accessibility and various research that suggests benefits including greater emotional intelligence, improvements in cognitive skills (like attention and memory), and lower stress.
Here’s a quick example of what a mindfulness practice can look like. Imagine you’ve gone for a walk through a garden, and this time, you’re not being very mindful. You’re thinking about a mistake you made at work last week and replaying it in your mind and worrying about what your colleagues think of you. When you reach the end of your walk, you can barely remember anything about the experience of walking through the garden because you were largely focused on your thoughts about the past.
Now, let’s take the same situation, but instead, you’re practicing mindfulness as you walk. You’re noticing the world around you, the colours of the flowers in the garden, and the feeling of the sunshine on your skin. You feel the solid ground underneath your feet as you walk and notice how your body feels as you walk. You might hear different sounds, birds singing, frogs croaking, or the sounds of traffic in the distance. When you start thinking about the mistake you made at work, you deliberately re-focus your attention back on the present moment and the world around you.
There are a few important things to know about practicing mindfulness.
- First of all, there are many, many different ways you can incorporate it into your life. You can practice mindfulness through formal meditation or in less formal ways, like gardening, knitting, eating, or walking.
- Second of all, mindfulness is a practice. It can be challenging at first and your mind might wander a lot, which is completely normal. It might take some time and patience before practicing mindfulness starts to feel a bit more natural.
- And thirdly, mindfulness can be a really helpful practice and for me, it’s enriched my life in so many different ways. But that doesn’t mean it’s perfect for every situation or that it will solve all the problems in your life. Even if you have a consistent and supportive mindfulness practice, you will still face stressors, sometimes. You might still need to work with a mental health professional for support or take medication. You can still benefit from other things that boost your wellbeing, like exercising, journaling, or prioritising sleep.
Now, let’s take a look at how mindfulness can help improve your energy. Please keep in mind that I’ll be sharing a few of my own experiences and because we’re different people, you might not have the same experiences. And that’s ok! I’ve had clients and students who started implementing mindfulness and noticed benefits faster than I did, some have noticed completely different results, and some have faced challenges along their mindfulness journeys.
The first reason why mindfulness can boost your energy…Mindfulness can help you improve your sleep quality. This was the first benefit I noticed in my own life when I started practicing mindfulness nearly ten years ago. Rather than lying in bed night after night with my thoughts going haywire, I loved being able to focus my mind on mindfulness techniques. They helped me feel less stressed and I began falling asleep much faster.
Not every night was perfect, but the more I practiced, the easier it became to implement mindfulness at night time. Over a couple of months, I went from lying awake until well after midnight, to falling asleep most nights around 10 or 11 pm. It was a massive deal for me. Not only did I stop dreading going to bed, but I had more energy during the day. I didn’t feel physically drained and exhausted as often.
Since then, mindfulness has played a big role in my bedtime routine, along with other things that I’ve found helpful, like not drinking coffee after lunch, having time to wind down before sleep, and waking up at the same time each morning.
The second reason why mindfulness can boost your energy…Mindfulness helps reduce emotional suppression. In my online course, Mindfulness Made Easy, I dedicated an entire module to mindful emotional awareness because I know this skill can be really important when it comes to acknowledging and processing emotions.
Mindful emotional awareness can also reduce emotional suppression, which was something I used to do a lot. Whenever I noticed an emotion that I believed at the time was “bad” or “wrong,” like stress, anger, jealousy, resentment, or depression, I consciously tried to ignore the emotion and pretend like it didn’t exist.
Not only does emotional suppression potentially lead to a variety of issues, like lower self-esteem, physical symptoms (like higher blood pressure), increased anxiety and depression, and problems with memory. But it can also drain your energy. Research has found that when you try to push away painful emotions and thoughts, it can actually lead to more painful emotions, creating a challenging cycle.
I remember how draining it used to feel when I had to work so hard to ignore emotions and keep them locked away inside me. It was like trying to grit my teeth really tightly for hours at a time. I didn’t know how to regulate my emotions very well and learning about mindfulness, particularly when it came to being non-judgemental about my emotions and letting them come and go, was honestly life-changing for me.
The third reason why mindfulness can boost your energy…Mindfulness often encourages you to focus on one thing at a time. Multi-tasking might be convenient, even necessary at times, but it can be helpful to try and single-task when we can. Focusing on one thing carefully at a time and giving it our full, open-minded attention, can help conserve energy.
- For example, try going for a mindful walk instead of walking and talking on your phone at the same time.
- Eat your lunch mindfully rather than eating while you scroll on social media.
- Pay attention to someone when they’re talking to you, sometimes, instead of thinking about your to-do list for the day ahead.
- Take mindful breaks regularly to avoid multi-tasking all day long.
We might feel like we’re great at doing multiple things at the same time, but we’re actually not. We’re just switching our attention very quickly between multiple things, which uses up our energy. More specifically, multi-tasking uses up oxygenated glucose in the brain, which is the fuel you use to focus on things. So, by practicing mindfulness you can help save this type of energy.
Those are three reasons why mindfulness can help boost your energy. It can help improve the quality of your sleep, it can reduce emotional suppression, and it can encourage more single-tasking which saves energy. Now if you’re thinking, “ok, I’d really like to practice mindfulness more,” but maybe you’re not sure how or you struggle to be consistent, then I’ve got some really exciting news for you!
My signature online course, Mindfulness Made Easy is open for enrolment.
Mindfulness Made Easy isn’t just a course about mindfulness. It’s an amazing experience where you’ll have all the support and accountability you need to create an incredible mindfulness practice that you can draw on for the rest of your life. You’ll discover some of the key mindfulness techniques and how to apply them in really fun and meaningful ways so you can spend more time feeling present in the moment and less overwhelmed, stressed, or scattered.
You’ll get exclusive access to my 555 Mindfulness Strategy, monthly Q and A videos so you can feel more supported on your journey with mindfulness, as well as access to the private Facebook group with me and all my other students, where I’ll be checking in with you each week and doing live videos and so much more. Click here to discover the exciting details and enrol today!
Thanks so much for listening and I hope you have a wonderful week, Mindful Kind.
ONLINE COURSE
Mindfulness Made Easy
LEARN MORE →
Subscribe & Review in iTunesAre you subscribed to The Mindful Kind podcast? If yes - thank you so much. You won't be missing out on any awesome upcoming content!
If not, don't worry, it isn't too late. Just click here and press that subscribe button!
P.S Do you enjoy The Mindful Kind podcast? I'd be so grateful if you could leave a review. Not only do your reviews help people find my podcast, but I really love reading about your experiences and thoughts. Click here to leave a review, select 'Ratings and Reviews' then 'Write a Review' and let me know how The Mindful Kind has helped you. Sending so much gratitude your way!
Hello and welcome to episode 303 of The Mindful Kind.
In this episode, you'll learn about my personal "emergency" self-care plan for times when I'm struggling with anxiety.
Please keep in mind that this plan is based on my own research and experiences and I highly recommend that you seek out good-quality support from a mental health professional to create your own plan.
Below are some of the key elements of my self-care plan for anxiety.
1: Minimise stress triggers as much as possible (keep in mind, this is only a short-term solution I use when I'm dealing with high anxiety)
2: Talk about my feelings with someone I trust or write them down somewhere private
3: Be aware of my unhelpful coping mechanisms and try not to engage in them. I try to make choices that might improve my mental wellbeing, not potentially cause further harm or pain
4: Create things to look forward to, like a catch up with a friend or a book arriving in the mail
5: Be prepared to ride the waves of anxiety, knowing that feelings ebb and flow
If you'd like to learn more about my experiences with mental health and being an over thinker, check out my free online workshop, 3 Secrets You Need to Know to Level Up With Mindfulness. You'll find the link to enrol for free below!
Thanks so much for listening and I hope you have a wonderful week, Mindful Kind.
FREE ONLINE WORKSHOP
3 Secrets You Need to Know to Level Up With Mindfulness
WATCH FREE WORKSHOP →
Subscribe & Review in iTunesAre you subscribed to The Mindful Kind podcast? If yes - thank you so much. You won't be missing out on any awesome upcoming content!
If not, don't worry, it isn't too late. Just click here and press that subscribe button!
P.S Do you enjoy The Mindful Kind podcast? I'd be so grateful if you could leave a review. Not only do your reviews help people find my podcast, but I really love reading about your experiences and thoughts. Click here to leave a review, select 'Ratings and Reviews' then 'Write a Review' and let me know how The Mindful Kind has helped you. Sending so much gratitude your way!
Hello and welcome to episode 302 of The Mindful Kind podcast.
In this episode, you'll discover the simple things I've been doing in my own life to help manage stress during a busy season of my life.
1: Meditation. I've particularly been enjoying sitting outside in the sunshine for a few minutes and practicing mindfulness.
2: Slow yoga classes at night-time (with most of the lights off for added coziness).
3: Listening to podcasts to have some company during the day, including The Aubrey Marcus Podcast. On this podcast, you’ll hear rich and authentic conversations between Aubrey Marcus and his brilliant variety of guests, including Layla Martin, Simon Sinek, and many more! Click here to check it out.
Thank you to The Aubrey Marcus Podcast for sponsoring this episode of The Mindful Kind!
4: Asking for hugs and using self-soothing touch to help manage stress.
5: Mindful walking!
So, those are five things that have been helping me find calmness during an emotional and stressful time in my life. I hope you enjoy trying them out for yourself!
Thank you so much for listening and I hope you have a wonderful week, Mindful Kind.
Subscribe & Review in iTunesAre you subscribed to The Mindful Kind podcast? If yes - thank you so much. You won't be missing out on any awesome upcoming content!
If not, don't worry, it isn't too late. Just click here and press that subscribe button!
P.S Do you enjoy The Mindful Kind podcast? I'd be so grateful if you could leave a review. Not only do your reviews help people find my podcast, but I really love reading about your experiences and thoughts. Click here to leave a review, select 'Ratings and Reviews' then 'Write a Review' and let me know how The Mindful Kind has helped you. Sending so much gratitude your way!
Hello and welcome to episode 301 of The Mindful Kind podcast.
In this episode, I've shared some of the signs I tend to look for when I'm trying to decide if I'm able to trust someone. Please keep in mind that these signs are not fool-proof, nor are they always accurate!
These signs can simply be helpful guidelines when choosing how much to trust someone.
Sign 1: Trustworthy people often help others feel at ease - you won't be worried about them hurting you, shocking you, or being overly unpredictable.
Sign 2: A trustworthy person will tend to respect your boundaries and won't make you feel like you're not good enough. They'll show compassion, acceptance, and empathy.
Sign 3: Another sign that someone is trustworthy is that they won't be afraid to be vulnerable with you. However, they'll also take the time to build a strong relationship with you before they show you their vulnerabilities.
Sign 4: Someone who doesn't regularly break other people's trust is more likely to be trustworthy. While this might seem obvious, it can be important to keep this in mind!
Thank you so much for listening and I hope you have a wonderful week, Mindful Kind.
Subscribe & Review in iTunesAre you subscribed to The Mindful Kind podcast? If yes - thank you so much. You won't be missing out on any awesome upcoming content!
If not, don't worry, it isn't too late. Just click here and press that subscribe button!
P.S Do you enjoy The Mindful Kind podcast? I'd be so grateful if you could leave a review. Not only do your reviews help people find my podcast, but I really love reading about your experiences and thoughts. Click here to leave a review, select 'Ratings and Reviews' then 'Write a Review' and let me know how The Mindful Kind has helped you. Sending so much gratitude your way!
Hello and welcome to episode 300 of The Mindful Kind podcast!
Click the button below to watch my free online workshop, 3 Secrets You Need to Know to Level Up With Mindfulness! Grab a cup of tea and dive straight in when you’re ready!:) I’m SO excited to share this with you!
FREE ONLINE WORKSHOP
3 Secrets You Need to Know to Level Up With Mindfulness
WATCH FREE WORKSHOP →
To celebrate 300 episodes, I'll be sharing five of the best tips I've discovered over the last 6 years of podcasting to help you boost your wellbeing and enhance your life.
Below, you'll learn about these tips and find some additional resources you can explore!
Tip 1. Be kind to yourself and develop your self-esteem. Here are some resources to help you get started:
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Self-compassionate activities for a difficult day
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Self-compassion meditation album
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Self-compassion exercises by Dr Kristin Neff
Tip 2. Manage stress in ways that feel effective for you! Check out:
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15 micro-improvements to help you manage stress
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A daily stress management plan
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Book: "The Stress-Proof Brain" by Melanie Greenberg
Tip 3. Nurture the positive relationships in your life. Learn about your attachment style, how to improve your communication, how to be an empathic friend... There are so many ways to nurture your relationships!
Tip 4. Prioritise positive habits and look after your health. Some of my favourite positive habits include eating mindfully, drinking plenty of water, journaling, and getting enough sleep.
Tip 5. Develop a consistent mindfulness practice. Sign up for my free online workshop, 3 Secrets You Need to Know to Level Up With Mindfulness!
Thank you so much for listening and I hope you have a wonderful week, Mindful Kind.
Subscribe & Review in iTunesAre you subscribed to The Mindful Kind podcast? If yes - thank you so much. You won't be missing out on any awesome upcoming content!
If not, don't worry, it isn't too late. Just click here and press that subscribe button!
P.S Do you enjoy The Mindful Kind podcast? I'd be so grateful if you could leave a review. Not only do your reviews help people find my podcast, but I really love reading about your experiences and thoughts. Click here to leave a review, select 'Ratings and Reviews' then 'Write a Review' and let me know how The Mindful Kind has helped you. Sending so much gratitude your way!
Hello and welcome to episode 299 of The Mindful Kind podcast.
In this episode, you'll discover some strategies for dealing with disappointment, including:
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acknowledging and tolerating your feelings of disappointment
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remembering that disappointment shows you care about something
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identifying cognitive distortions, like rosy retrospection and overgeneralisation
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talking about your disappointment
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manage your expectations
Thank you so much for listening and I hope you have a wonderful week, Mindful Kind.
Subscribe & Review in iTunesAre you subscribed to The Mindful Kind podcast? If yes - thank you so much. You won't be missing out on any awesome upcoming content!
If not, don't worry, it isn't too late. Just click here and press that subscribe button!
P.S Do you enjoy The Mindful Kind podcast? I'd be so grateful if you could leave a review. Not only do your reviews help people find my podcast, but I really love reading about your experiences and thoughts. Click here to leave a review, select 'Ratings and Reviews' then 'Write a Review' and let me know how The Mindful Kind has helped you. Sending so much gratitude your way!