Restore Yourself. Restore Your Marriage: Recent Episodes
Shellie Anderson
It can be really hard to fix a marriage when you feel broken inside. It can be a challenge to try to meet your spouse's needs when your own are not being met or even fully understood. If you grew up religious or with high moral standards, this can add even more stress to the equation. This is a podcast that talks about the many challenges in marriage, and yes, even intimacy, and how they are effecting you on a personal level. Each week we take a deep dive into what is keeping your foot on the brakes when it comes to your arousal levels and what drives you to step on the accelerator. As your certified Life Coach, we will explore many fascinating topics, such as the different styles of arousal, the many types of intimacy, how blame effects our mood, the reasons we engage in these recreational shenanigans in the first place, and how life coaching skills get us through it all.
Have you ever wondered if there was a way to get a little more "in the mood?" While most of us have probably heard about the concept of aphrodisiacs and the list of foods that often come with it, this may keep us from looking at some of the more subtle ways to spark arousal.
Listen in as we discuss 5 ways that an underestimated and often over looked concept can naturally and easily spark that sexy desire. Don't make it harder than it has to be. Make it fun, keep it simple, and feel the sexy.
Have you ever felt like there was more that you wanted to communicate about intimacy challenges in your marriage? If so, you are not alone. Feeling a little timid about a multi-faceted topic is very natural and normal, but it often comes with a cost.
Listen in on today's episode where we dive into the downsides of being timid when it comes to marital intimacy, the benefits of being bold, and 5 ways to embrace that boldness.
Marriage is the perfect arena to learn how to tap into a new level of confidence, get closer to your spouse in a more authentic way, and to embark on the adventure of exploring uncharted ground in your intimate relationship.
Have you ever felt like the process of trying to improve your marriage, or the intimate aspect of it, drives you to the point of insanity at times? If so, you are not alone.
This usually happens when we spend time trying something out, finding out that it didn't really work, and then spending even more time doing it again, hoping that time will be the thing that will make it work one day.
But what if we are just spending time on the wrong thing? Listen in as we discuss 3 ideas that could help you move from staying stuck in the intimacy insanity loop into a more successful approach.
Have you ever felt like your sex life was struggling? Since intimacy challenges are very common between husband and wife, you are not alone. But what can we do to revive it?
Listen in as we explore a few common mindsets of husband and wife and how they could be having a negative impact on the sexual aspect of your marriage. Discover how life-coaching ties into the reviving process and 5 easy tips that can help.
Schedule a FREE Discovery Session at www.shellie.andersoncoaching.com.
Have you ever considered what happens to intimacy when one or both spouses has an injury? While it may not be a common topic of discussion, it is a challenge that many couples face.
Listen in as we discuss some of the traps and pitfalls that couples fall into when they are faced with injuries and three tips that will help you navigate them with some humor and grace.
Do you remember your dating years and how awesome it was to make out? It was such a rush! The often drawn out experience really allowed for so many emotions and sensations to build up in our bodies. We often enjoyed it so much that we usually looked forward to next time, and were even craving it.
When we were dating, make out sessions seemed to last much longer than they do once you get married. When sex is introduced into the relationship, couples seem to just rush to the pleasure part of orgasm. This leaves behind the magic of making out and leaves foreplay forgotten.
Listen in as we take a closer look at the way in which slowing things down can actually lower sexual inhibitions, increase blood flow, and allow women to feel more flooded with desire for more. The fabulous effects of foreplay need to be at the forefront of our sexual experiences.
FREE Discovery Session at www.shellie.andersoncoaching.com
Book your FREE Discovery Session at www.shellie.andersoncoaching.com today!
Have you ever thought of inducing and intimacy in the same sentence? I hadn't either, until recently, when I heard a song on the radio that really caught my attention. The male singer talked about birthing lyrics and inducing songs. Interesting concept coming from a man who cannot physically birth babies.
Listen in on today's episode, where we will take some awesome notes from these intriguing lyrics and apply them to intimacy. These insights can really help a husband and wife when they are operating from very different arousal styles. Learn how the 4 steps of "inducing" labor can totally be applied to "inducing" intimacy!
Book a FREE Discovery Session at www.shellie.andersoncoaching.com.
Have you ever thought that your sex life is an illusion? While dating life was fun and spontaneous, married life and the sexual aspect of it seems to be a lot different than what you thought it would be.
This is where our lovely expectations come face to face with reality. Things have changed and shifted, and we may end up feeling like we were being played all along and that we are now just being used. But sex in marriage doesn't have to feel this way.
Listen in on today's episode as we take a closer look at where we are "seeing" things incorrectly, which creates a false illusion, that we then respond to. Learn three simple tips that help get couples out of the trap of this illusion and to help your vision of intimacy become a reality.
Book your FREE Discovery Session at www.shellie.andersoncoaching.com
Have you ever thought that married sex turned out to be a scam? If so, you are not alone. Husbands feel scammed when the quantity of sex is not as high as they had hoped for. Wives feel scammed when the quality of sex is not as high as they had hoped for.
Both spouses feel scammed for different reasons. This will leave each spouse attempting to solve the problem with approaches that will meet their own needs, but not both spouse's needs.
So, what do we do? Listen in on today's episode where we discover how a simple shift can help us evolve with the evolution of sex and marriage for today's world.
Sign up for a FREE Discovery Session at shellie.andersoncoaching.com.
Have you ever wondered why men seem to enjoy and want sex so much more than their wife? While many might assume that its simply because their testosterone levels are higher, it's not the only reason.
The arousing shenanigans of procreation actually requires the man to have "pleasure in the process" in order for it to be successful; it's mandatory. But this is not the same for women. The sweet spot of their most pleasurable nerve endings doesn't automatically line up the same way, and is located in a totally separate place.
So, on the one hand, its completely possible that women are having ZERO pleasure during sex while still successful with the reproductive process. They consistently experience "success without pleasure." But on the other hand, its completely impossible for men to be successful without pleasure! For them, sex requires pleasure, consistently.
So, what do we do about this? Listen in on today's episode as we dive into some insightful definitions that shed a little light on what has been missing, then make a decision to start using The Intimacy Trek, and sign up for a FREE Discovery Session with Shellie
Book your FREE Discover Session today at www.shellie.andersoncoaching.com
Have you ever wondered what approach a husband takes when he is feeling in the mood for sex? Often, there is no strategic approach at all. And even more often, the approaches they do try often fall short.
Listen in on today's episode where we look closer at a not-so-obvious trap about rhetoric that seems to be at the root of the many faulty approaches and quick fix attempts. Discover 3 tips for having a better discussion about sex that benefits BOTH the husband and the wife.
Have you ever considered that there could be some awesome intimacy insights that could be gained during this unique time of the solar eclipse? If you haven't, maybe this could be your invitation to do just that.
Listen in as we discuss some of the obvious occurrences that happen in nature during an eclipse and how it can relate to intimacy. During this time of transformation, when the sun is obscured by the moon, can act as a signal for our own internal transformation... as we allow the superficial ways of approaching intimacy to gain the corona (higher way of thinking) approach, with 5 eclipsing ideas.
Do you want to try something fun with intimacy this week? Then this is the episode for you. And while many women end up on the short end of the stick when it comes to how much pleasure they are experiencing with intimacy, there is so much potential that has yet to be discovered.
Listen in on today's episode where we explore the ratio of potential pleasure that is possible for couples and how to advocate for it. With the fun and adventure of searching for Easter eggs as a guide, you can create your own sexy hunt with a brand new challenge hidden inside the eggs. Spring into this fun and easy activity to improve intimacy this week.
Did you know that there are a lot of married women who don't put the words sex and fun in the same sentence? If you are a married woman reading this, it might seem like common knowledge. But a married man reading this might be feeling like a freight train just hit him. He may even wonder, how can sex NOT be fun?
In today's episode, we take a closer look at this concept and the meta-message that takes root when a spouse thinks that sex is not fun. While it may seem like an impossible task to overcome, when one spouse thinks sex is fun and the other doesn't, there is a beautiful opportunity hidden within this opposition.
Listen in as we challenge this opposition and use it as an invitation, inviting newness and creativity to the table as well as a movement closer to one another instead of further apart. Sentences are seeds for our intimate experience... so let's plant some fun sexy seeds!
Have you ever felt like, just when things were going well and headed towards a romantic night of intimacy, things got sabotaged? I'm guessing it's happened to most of us, even if we didn't mean for it to happen... and the sexiness gets derailed.
And sometimes, we can even get off track for days, or even weeks, at a time when this takes place. But what would happen if the next time, we were able to get back on track much faster? That would be amazing.
Listen in on today's episode where we discuss a faster system to ignite female arousal, the way that advocating and activating it makes a difference, and how knowing this system is valuable for BOTH husband and wife. Bring it on, and let's get turned on, faster.
Have you ever had some deep introspective thoughts about sex and intimacy while you were eating a salad? If not, you are not alone. I hadn't either, until recently.
As I looked down at all of the ingredients in my salad, the cucumbers really caught my attention. Why? I realized that I normally don't like cucumbers on their own. I find them boring. I don't crave them and I'm never upset when I don't have them around.
But when they are mixed in with the other ingredients, I absolutely love them! Listen in on today's episode where we challenge ourselves to add other ingredients into our intimate experience so that it will be more fun, enjoyable and satisfying... and maybe even something we crave.
Have you ever heard the word entropy before? Have you ever applied the concept to the intimacy in your marriage? While most of us probably have a general idea of what entropy is, we may never have thought of it when it comes to sex with our spouse.
On today's episode, we dive into this topic just a little bit deeper to see how entropy will take its toll on our relationship if we don't make a decision to do something about it on purpose.
If you have ever thought, "I haven't really done anything different, but things seem to be getting a little worse," then you are probably falling into the cycle of entropy. Listen in to find out just how easy it can be to get out of the entropy trap and to experience intimacy on a much more enjoyable level.
Have you ever wanted to seek help to improve intimacy, only to be held back by some fears? This is very common, and is sadly that thing that keeps us stuck and keeps us from feeling closer to our spouse faster.
Listen in on today's episode where we dive into the top 5 fears that prevent improvement in the challenging topic of intimacy. These are the fears that my clients wish they would have addressed sooner... before things got so bad that they were just feeling desperate and even considering divorce.
Have you ever wondered what contributes to having the best sex ever? While we might think it comes when we fulfill a checklist of sorts, it might come as a surprise that it can happen under even the most challenging and unexpected circumstances.
Listen in as we take a closer look at some of the surprising elements that led to such an experience. It was not planned in advance and it did not involve any elaborate or large romantic gestures. But it did come through the process of two adults actually facing some hard challenges in their life. Don't miss out on what you could be putting into your life to create more opportunities for the best sex ever!
Do you know what the most researched topic is when it comes to Valentine's Day? It might not be what you think it is. With all that is going on in the world today, people seem to be wanting to get back to their roots, and are wondering what love really is.
Listen in as we remind ourselves with love really is, the things that might sabotage it during Valentine's Day, and what we can do to feel the love even more. Don't limit love, but instead, put more into your week on purpose with the following 5 tips!
Have you ever felt like you were longing for a little bit more from you intimate experience? If so, you are not alone. In a world of instant gratification, it should come as no surprise when we sometimes feel like something is lacking that may require just a little more of our time.
Listen in on today's episode where we explore how sexy it is to slow the intimate experience down, include the senses, and involve the brain as well as the body. Heightening the journey to pleasure can be a total turn on for women and can help to increase the level of fulfillment experienced.
Did you know that there is a National Spouse's Day? Don't worry, I didn't know either, until very recently. But how cool is that? This is not the same as Valentine's Day. Since most people don't even know about it, there aren't any expectations to plan elaborate romantic dates or buy expensive gifts.
It's just a day to celebrate your spouse. You can choose to celebrate any amazing aspect about them. We get to tap into our creativity and celebrate any way we want.
Listen in on today's episode as we share some quick and easy ways to include this fun and unique holiday into our lives. And you never know, adding some fun and spontaneous celebrations might be just the thing that our relationship needs to get the sparks ignited again.
Have you ever wondered why so many wives don't seem to have as strong of a desire for sex as their husband? While a huge difference in their natural and normal hormone levels does exist, there is often a different kind of connection that is missing.
It's interesting to note that while husbands and wives are pretty much having the same amount of sex with each other, the husbands are experiencing much more pleasure than their wife... leading them to want to have more of it. Sadly, their wife is having a less than pleasurable experience, leading her to want to have less of it.
But it doesn't need to be that way. Listen in on today's episode where we dive deep into the connection between the pleasure we are having during sex, how it creates the desire for more of it, and how a missing chemical reaction in the brain could easily be at the heart of it all!
Have you ever felt like certain parts of you were being ignored by your spouse while other parts were getting all the attention? It's fairly common to have thoughts like this from time to time and it can easily lead to us feeling a bit down in the dumps.
Listen in as we dive just a little bit deeper into what it actually means to be ignored and what we can do when we feel we need more attention than we're getting. The options available to us on how we can respond are pretty simple and easy to implement.
And to make things even better, we will also take a closer look at what it means to be ignited about something... even certain aspects about ourselves. Being ignited is a much more fun experience and certainly a much more empowering approach to our relationships.
Have you ever found yourself feeling used by your spouse? It's not a fun feeling. For a lot of women, they often feel like they are being used by their husband for sex. And for many husbands, they feel like they are being used for their money.
But what if that is not actually the case? Sadly, we can easily think these kinds of negative thoughts and make assumptions and interpretations about our spouse that just aren't true. This just leaves us feeling miserable.
Listen in on today's episode where we take a closer look at what the world tells us to do when we are faced with a situation like this, and then we will explore a more effective coach-approach. Let's go!
Have you ever held back your dreaming when it comes to your marriage or intimacy? Sometimes, we do this is as a way to protect ourselves... hoping to avoid getting hurt, just in case they don't come true.
And then sadly, over time, we often stop dreaming all together. And when we stop dreaming, it can become harder to take positive steps to improve things. We can then lose the joy that we once experienced in our relationship.
Listen in on today's episode where we take a closer look at what it means to dream, what it means to bring the FUN to those dreams, and some simple steps we can take to make the whole process more enjoyable. Let's dream big for 2024!
Did you know that there are three stages of marriage? While many people have heard about the love languages or the seasons of marriage, we may not be as familiar with the stages of marriage. Not to worry.
Listen in on today's episode where we will define and explore these three stages. There are some simple signs that will help us learn if we are feeling stuck in one of the stages and are operating from a place of resentment and resignation.
Learn the signs and what to do when you feel stuck. Marriage can be better than it is right now, and a coach-approach can make all the difference.
Have you ever felt like something was missing from your intimate experience? If so, you are not alone. This happens to most couples from time to time and is totally normal.
Listen in on today's episode where we take a closer look at the reproductive systems of men and women, where they line up (or should we say where they don't line up), and why its easier for men the be pumped and primed and ready for action.
Discover why things are bit more challenging for women when it comes to arousal and learn what to focus on so that the female pleasure system can get fair representation in the experience. This small but significant shift make a huge difference!
Have you ever felt overwhelmed or weighed down by the challenges you are facing with intimacy? Maybe, as you start to think about the lack of interest in sex or the lack of initiating it, you realize that it leads to thinking about how unfair things seem to be, which leads to thinking about another negative aspect of the intimate experience. And before long, it all seems too big and too complicated to solve.
If you have ever felt this way, you are not alone. Its actually quite common and normal. The challenge we will face when we feel overwhelmed or weighed down is that we will get stuck, almost paralyzed, not knowing where to start making improvements... which usually means that we don't start at all.
But today is the day that all of that changes! Listen in on today's episode where we discuss how easy it is to start and where to start. This momentum can become very powerful. As you start to feel the relief of knowing where to start, you will be naturally motivated to take the next step needed to improve your intimacy challenges.
Has it ever seemed like you had one set of priorities and your spouse had a different set? This may manifest itself in the shenanigans that are, or aren't, taking place in the marriage bed arena.
While most of the women I work with don't have a priority to dive deeper into intimacy, that is often the very thing that is needed. But this will look differently than they think. It will NOT strictly be from an "increase the frequency" of sex approach, but from from an approach of increasing the frequency of something else entirely.
Listen in as we explore what actually needs to increase in frequency. And for all of those husbands who secretly wish that all of the sex and intimacy stuff was just "easier" for your wife (and for those wives who wish that for themselves), you will especially want to listen to this episode!
When was the last time you had a negative thought about your married sex life? Maybe it was last night. Or maybe it was this morning. Maybe you have had negative thoughts about it for quite some time.
The thoughts we have about sex impacts our experience of it. And when we have a negative thought about it that is in conflict with our spiritual beliefs, we will start to experience cognitive dissonance, and even spiritual dissonance.
Listen in as we discuss how these negative thoughts might show up, how we address unresolved issues, and 4 simple suggestions that can help you move forward.
Do couples realize that duty-driven sex doesn't usually activate the pleasure part of the brain? If this style of sex is mainly what is taking place, it should come as no surprise that there might be little desire to return for more.
But what would happen if we took a more fun and playful approach to the experience? What if we were to have sex that included a funny element to it? Then couples would laugh and smile together... which are some of the very components that can help a couple feel close and connected.
Listen in today's episode where we share 14 funny things things to laugh about and celebrate together as you creatively try to incorporate them into your sex life. These outside-the-box ideas of how to bring some fun and humor into the bedroom can help the brain want to come back for more. Which one will you choose to celebrate this week?
Have you ever felt frustrated with the communication in your marriage? It could easily be that the both of you are really trying to talk about things as mature adults, and yet for some reason, it just doesn't seem to help as much as you were hoping.
Let's be real. This happens to all of us. That's because everyone is operating on their own style of communication and under assumptions of what they consider to be "effective." But that leaves everyone using very different approaches, most of which are actually just assumptions and not really effective techniques at all.
Listen in on today's podcast episode where we share a completely new lens in which to view communication. Learn 2 simple sentences that keep defenses down, promote individual growth, and allow the relationship to expand and move forward. You can start applying these today and start improving communicating immediately!
Have you ever considered how ignoring the sexual side of yourself could be effective your marriage? Whether we realize it or not, continuing to ignore this topic will only make things worse over time, impacting multiple areas of our lives, not just the sexual aspect of our relationship.
But what does it mean to ignore it? Listen in as we take a closer look at what is really happening when we ignore developing our sexual side in a way that it authentic and still aligned with our values and beliefs. Why miss out on the benefits of doing this even longer?
Join us to discover 3 easy steps to help move your forward in healing, mending, and restoring the sexual side of yourself and take on the challenge at the end of the episode!
Have you ever heard of Sex A.D.D.? Is that even a real thing? While it may not be an official entry in the big official Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, many women experience something that is very similar.
This can show up in the form of being distracted during sex. Maybe in the middle of your sexual shenanigans you start thinking about your to-do list, or how cute those holiday pillows were that you saw at Hobby Lobby the other day, or maybe you start thinking about adding a tree house to the backyard.
If our brain is the first sex organ, and its checked-out during sex, we can clearly see that this could lead to an unfulfilling sexual experience. Listen in on today's episode where we describe 4 simple steps to get your brain back on board.
What are your top three complaints about your sex life? Most of us could probably list them off rather quickly, since its normal and natural to point out the negative aspects of our lives with ease.
But what happens when we have the same complaint for 5 years, or 15 years, or even 35 years? This is a clue. This is a clue that there is something to solve that we haven't been able to solve for all of this time. This invites us to initiate an investigation within ourselves, and into what ability we might be missing in order to solve it.
Listen in on today's episode to discover some specific ways to look at the clues in your sex life as the exact roadmap you need for things to improve. You will be asked to take on a specific challenging question during the week to see how you think about your thinking. Will you accept the challenge?
Did you know that there are certain thoughts and sayings that can have an amazing impact on your intimate experience, even if they are not directly about that?
This is the power of thoughts work. Just one new thought can challenge old patterns, change our perspective, and cause us to feel better! And the amount of effort it takes to think a new thought is nothing compared to some of the other stuff we do all day, everyday.
Listen in on today's episode as we explore these seven simple sayings. Pay attention to the shift that starts to take place in your mind and then in your body. Focus on just one throughout the week. Or, if you're feeling very ambitious, focus on a different one each day of the week. You got this!
Have you ever found yourself feeling unsatisfied after an intimate experience with your spouse? If so, you are not alone. Its actually fairly common. We might be less than satisfied because we weren't connected to the experience on a deeper level... or on a level deep enough where it actually had significant and personal meaning attached to it.
When we are disconnected from intimacy either mentally or emotionally, we will also disconnect from it sensually and sexually. This creates a boring unconscious experience with little pleasure, if any at all, for the wife.
This is where Saintly Sutra comes in! Listen in as we take a deep dive into the solution for disconnected and unsatisfying sex... Saintly Sutra! We will talk about the Core Components, The Intimacy Trek, Relaxation Rituals, Meaningful Mantras, products, and the ways Saintly Sutra fills in the gaps.
Have you ever thought about the ways that AI might impact your marriage? You might have already considered this or perhaps it might not have crossed your mind at all yet just yet. But Artificial Intelligence is here, moving swiftly, and we will need to consider how we can protect our marriage.
While robots that look like our spouse (or our fantasy version) might not be here just yet, we may not realize that an online digital version is easily available. This onscreen spouse can be a more attractive, more attentive version of the real us and can lead our marriage down a very challenging road.
While we sometimes don't realize that more time spent on technology often leads to temporary pleasure but even more loneliness, we need to spend out time and efforts on learning real skills for our relationships instead. Listen in now to discover a few ideas on how to take a more proactive and preventative approach to keeping our intimate relationship intact.
Have you ever heard the phrase blue balls? This is a term that many men use when they are feeling sexually frustrated. But what about blue pearls? Is this a terms that women use when they are sexually frustrated? Not really.
The interesting thing about this is that there is a term out there to discuss men's sexual frustration, but not really one for women. Here in lies part of the problem. When there is only terminology out there to express men's sexual frustration but not women's, we end up with a one-sided conversation, leaving women feeling like something is missing from their sexual experience in yet another way, the way we communicate about it, or should we say the way we don't communicate about it.
Well, now is the time for us to make a little change. We need to be able to look at sexual frustration from both perspectives, both the husband's AND the wife's as well as be able to talk about it from both perspectives. Listen in on today's podcast to learn that sexual fulfillment is not based on just frequency alone and discover how to take a more inclusive approach.
Have you ever wished that there was just a little more sexiness being experienced in your marriage? Sometimes, when we are feeling this way, we reflect back to our dating days and feel nostalgic for them and the attraction we felt during that time.
And at other times, we may feel discouraged that things aren't the same as they used to be and we might be worried that we won't be able to get the sexiness back. Well, the good news is that I am here to help you get the sexiness back and to let you know that it may not be as challenging as you think.
Listen in on today's episode as I share how a random experience of frustration with my kids that ended up turning into a sexy vibe with my husband, how it lasted throughout the day, and how it easily led to a fun sexy time later on that evening. Situations like this can be so simple and easy to duplicate if we are looking for those opportunities. So listen in and catch the vibe!
Have you ever felt like you were sexually frustrated in your marriage? This is super common and totally normal. While both husband and wife have some type of understanding that they are wired differently, they often don't understand the specific details of how, and that lack of information is vital. And lack of correct information leads to lack of sufficient stimulation... especially for the wife.
Husbands often feel frustrated when the frequency of intimacy is not what they hoped it would be and their wife's desire for it is much lower than theirs. Women often feel frustrated because the love-making experience is often a let down, lacking the emotional connection she is longing for and that is prerequisite for proper desire and arousal to be activated. Both spouses are frustrated and they both want the other one to change.
Today we will dive into this topic just a little bit deeper. Listen in on today's episode where we take a closer look at what it means to be frustrated and the surprising word in its definition that helps us understand its origin. We will also talk about where real change comes from as well as the reality of differing testosterone levels in men and women and what to do about it all. And don't worry, it's easier than you think.
Have you ever felt yourself comparing your sex life to what you see in the movies? Husbands may compare it to porn and the women may compare it to rom-com movies. Both of these paid portrayals of a healthy sex life are short lived and choreographed.
They are not showing real life, where parenting differences show up, exhaustion from work and raising kids comes into play, and the baggage that each spouse brings to the marriage bed plays out. What is actually needed is a way to bridge the gap of differences in a way that is real and authentic.
Listen in as we discuss what it means to compare, to understand the gap, and how to move towards pleasurable experiences that are far more inclusive, leading to an organic orgasmic experience. Husbands will benefit from this episode just as much as the wife will when it comes to creating a sexual life that is fulfilling instead of frustrating.
Have you ever felt the pressure to perform when it comes the intimate experience? This can easily come as a byproduct of the sexpectations that exist in the media we are exposed to and the world we live in today.
When a wife feels the pressure to perform in order to be a "good wife," and when a husband feels the pressure to perform in order to be a "good lover," a high level of mental distress comes with it, and can interrupt the natural desire to be close and intimate.
Stress is one of the biggest blockers to feeling a desire to be intimate. So, understanding the pressure to perform will be extremely valuable. Listen in on this episode to discover how having a conversation about a hypothetical experiment can really shed some light on the pressure to perform.
Have you ever felt like you were just going through the motions of having sex with your husband, but there didn't seem to be much in it for you? This is totally normal and its actually very common.
But after a while, you may start to become angry or resentful if you don't define your own purposes for being involved in sexy time. You may start to view your husband, your marriage, and sex as a whole through a very negative lens or maybe even as a waste of your time.
Why go through your entire marriage like that? Listen in on today's episode where we take a closer look at the top three reasons women usually have sex with their husband that has very little to do with their own purpose. We will then explore 4 new female-driven reasons for sex with some fun and playful ideas to make it more enjoyable!
Have you ever experienced the theme in your marriage that "it's my spouse 's fault that my sex life isn't better?" If so, you are not alone. While never intending to think this way on purpose, many spouses find themselves thinking this exact thought.
The key factor to notice here is the word "intending." MOST of our thoughts happen unintentionally, even when it comes to thoughts about intimacy, or the things we think get us "in the mood" or "out of the mood." But what do we do when we have blaming thoughts and we don't know how to get out of that cycle?
Listen in on today's episode to discover a few thought-hacks that will act as a way to intervene when we think heavy things about our spouse. Using these new phrases will help us pause long enough to think more intentionally about how we want to move forward with our intimate experiences.
Have you ever participated in "duty" sex? This is where you mainly have sex because you feel like it's your duty to and you are obligated to in order to be a "good wife."
If we don't like the notion of having sex out of duty, chances are high that we won't enjoy the experience, that orgasm will be more challenging to achieve, pleasure will be minimal, and the desire to return for more will be low.
There is so much misinformation out in the world about the female arousal system, which leads to more emphasis on male arousal and orgasm by default... or maybe by design. Listen in on today's podcast to gain clarity on how continuing to have sex just out of duty only perpetuates the male orgasm bias and learn how to seek a more inclusive sexual experience.
Have you ever really taken the time to stop and think about the information that is out in the world about sex and intimacy? Sadly, so much of it is just garbage.
Even a husband with the best intentions, who is trying to improve things with his wife, can end up reading articles or books, or watching videos, that have incorrect and outdated information about the female arousal system, that use feminism as a buzzword and a mask, and then give limited solutions that go against the ethical standards of the helping professions.
It's time to stop this cycle and turn things around, and Anderson Coaching is here to help. Listen in on today's episode as I go over some of the traps found in these types of media so that you can become more aware of them, learn to avoid them, and how every wife can find more valid and honest solutions to share with her husband.
Do you remember some of those late night shows back in the day that used to do top ten lists? Well, we are about to do the same thing, but we are going to be more focused on the specifics of what turns us off from wanting to be intimate.
Now, this list does not go in order and it for sure does not cover everything. But we wanted to point out some of the most frequent ones while addressing the type of information that is out there on the internet.
Listen in as we discuss these top ten turn-offs, but pay special attention to number ten. While this one is not so obvious and was NOT found on the other internet lists, it's perhaps the most real, and therefore the most valuable, one to know. Then listen for the main traps you could fall into with this knowledge and what to do to stay out of them.
Last week, we did a podcast on not being "in the mood" for sex, and this week we are doing a podcast on not being very "interested" in it. Aren't these two the same thing?
Well, they are not. But do we know how they are different? One actually comes before the other and causes it to happen. Do you know which one needs to come first in order to activate the female arousal system with the most efficacy?
Knowing the difference between these two is key! Listen in as we discuss the difference, and how increasing the first one in a positive way will effect the second in a positive way as well. It may just surprise you how simple it can be to expand your interest in sex. Make sure to listen to the end to find out how to get your freebie with this episode!
Have you ever felt like you were not "in the mood" for sex? Most of us can relate to this from time to time, but what about when it happens a lot? No need to go searching the internets for hours on end looking for couples counselor near me. Start by listening to this episode and by applying the concepts.
What happens inside the bedroom, or lack thereof, is often an indication of what is happening outside of the bedroom... or what's not happening. If we are longing to feel more emotionally connected to our spouse outside of the bedroom, but can't quite seem to figure out how to achieve it, intimacy is where this challenge will show up and become more obvious.
Listen in as we discuss the origins of being "in the mood," and how increasing our understanding of it can help us improve it. We will even discuss the incredible movie "The Sound of Freedom" and how trying to improve the sexual aspect of our marriage can act as an added measure of protection for our precious children.
Sometimes in marriage, we may feel the tension of a power struggle, especially when it shows up in the sexual aspect of our relationship. At times, we may feel like we are just our spouse's sex slave, with little say in how the experience is going for ourselves.
But it doesn't have to be this way. We can choose to focus on the freedoms that we actually have in our marriage when it comes to our intimate and sexual experience. We need to remember that we very much have a say in what we want that very personal aspect of our marriage to look like. So, what is it that we want to say?
What have you been longing to experience more of when it comes to intimacy with your spouse? Listen in on this episode as we define freedom, discuss the three important freedoms to focus on for more meaningful intimacy, and what it means to have sexual sovereignty.
Be sure to get the freebie that goes along with this podcast at www.shellie.andersoncoaching.com and look for "3 Sophisticated Strategies for a Wife's Sexual Sovereignty."
Have you ever felt like your spouse's sex slave? Believe it or not, this is actually quite common in marriage and is often a theme that comes up when a couple is struggling with intimacy.
When we think of ourselves as a sex slave to our spouse, not only will we have some negative feelings about ourselves, but we will also have negative feelings about our spouse and about intimacy in and of itself.
Listen in today's episode to break the bonds of this type of mental slavery, where our own thoughts have become the master, and how asking ourselves a few specific powerful questions can give us the sovereignty we are seeking.
Did you ever see the movie "The Karate Kid" when you were younger? The new spin off cam out a few years ago called "Cobra Kai" and most of the character s have come back years later and we get to see what their lives are like now.
Some interesting themes come up, as well, like the 'win at all costs' theme when the naughty Sense Creese tells his start student to "sweep the leg" of his opponent. This simple meant, fight dirty, break the rules, and pay not mind to any damage you may do along the way.
But how many of us have been taught how to fight fair in marriage? Listen in on today's episode to learn about some of the most common ways we fight dirty (often, without even knowing it) and how to fight fair... with honor. Knowing this will lessen the damage we may unintentionally (and sometimes even intentionally) cause to our spouse, ourself, and our marriage.
What do you think about "quickies"? You and your spouse probably think about them differently.
In this Keep It Fresh Friday podcast, Nick talks about the reality of quick sex and how he has changed his thinking about sex over time.
Listen to this episode where Nick talks about his reaction to my podcast this week, episode 150, "A Quickie in the Office". He addresses sexual intimacy and how men can change their thinking about their own, and their wife's desires.
What you'll discover:
•Why quality is WAY better than quantity, for women AND men.
•How you can help your spouse become more aligned with your sexual desires.
•Why sex on its own is not as satisfying as a deep emotional connection
In general, we have been lied to about sex. We think so many things about the opposite sex, their emotional needs, and marriage that just are NOT true. It's no wonder that marriage is harder and less joyful than it can actually be. No matter how good or bad you think your marriage is, it can be better and it CAN become the BEST!
Rediscover who YOU are for YOU and who YOU are for the love of your life.
For Make It Meaningful bonus content, become a member here: https://shellie.andersoncoaching.com/make_it_meaningful
Has it ever seemed like the "quickie" was mainly for the men?
Of course it seems that way. But what does this mean for the women... that nothing is in it for them? That seems rather miserable, unmotivating, and kind of depressing. Who wants to do something when they think they will get nothing out of it?
Listen in as we take a closer look at the anatomy of a quickie. We will point out the specific things that took place which led to an unexpected quickie in the office, where the wife was both eager and happy to engage, and left feeling fully empowered.
Do you ever wonder what happens when your, or your spouse's, arousal becomes dormant?
In this Keep It Fresh Friday podcast, Nick talks about the reality of deliverance from arousal traps and learning together with your spouse about each other's Intimacy Trek and how a good marriage can become an incredible marriage.
Listen to this episode where Nick talks about his reaction to my podcast this week, episode 150, "A Couple's Fight at a Restaurant". He addresses arousal traps and how men can change their thinking about their own, and their wife's, arousal.
What you'll discover:
- How important it is to make time to connect, even if you end up in a conflict, or a fight.
- How you can turn conflict into an opportunity to understand one another even deeper.
- Why conflict and disagreements are necessary for clarifying our feelings and desires.
As Nick likes to say, we have all been raised up and trained by a society that has not given us the truth about how things "really are". We are trapped in an Intimacy Matrix. It's time to escape it and live for each other in reality - so we can conquer the difficult things and feel joy while doing it.
We have been lied to about sex. We think so many things about the opposite sex, their emotional needs, and marriage that just are NOT true. It's no wonder that marriage is harder and less joyful than it can actually be. No matter how good or bad you think your marriage is, it can be better and it CAN become the BEST!
Rediscover who YOU are for YOU and who YOU are for the love of your life.
For Make It Meaningful bonus content, become a member here: https://shellie.andersoncoaching.com/make_it_meaningful
Have you ever been in a restaurant and overheard a couple fighting? This happened just last week when my husband and I were on a date. Now, I give a lot of credit to this couple for going on a date when things were obviously heated between the two of them and at least they were trying to discuss things.
So, there were a few moments in their discussion when they were speaking a little louder than normal and most of the people around them could hear what they were saying. The two main things I heard were two of the most common traps that married couples fall into.
Listen in to find out about these common marriage traps so that you can learn to recognize them and hopefully avoid them. But if you find that you have accidentally fall into one, we will discuss three simple ways to help you get out of them. Learning these simple straggles can make a huge difference in how you feel about yourself, your spouse and your marriage.
Do you ever wonder how your spouse REALLY thinks about you when you blame them for how you feel?
We (Nick and Shellie) still blame each other all the time for how we feel; however, we know this is low level thinking and almost always untrue. Knowing this changes everything and helps us turn frustrations into learning opportunities. It's not easy, but it makes marriage WAY more Meaningful.
People usually blame others to justify their feelings of anger, sadness, grief, boredom, or any other emotion. Do we even care anymore about the fake reality we are creating around us? If we have stopped caring, our marriage won't last, happily anyway.
Listen to this episode where Nick talks about his reaction to my podcast this week, episode 149, "My Husband Made Me Have a Panic Attack." He addresses how he responded to my obvious frustrations in Episode 149 Part 2. Click below to listen to the podcast and find those opportunities to always Restore Yourself and Restore Your Marriage.
Have you ever found yourself in a negative situation that you didn't necessarily choose yourself and then thought that your spouse was the one that put you there?
This happens in marriage quite a bit and it can be easy to fall into a cycle of thinking this way. Last week, my husband and I were having a conversation and I found myself thinking that he "made me" have a panic attack with something he said. Luckily, I knew some of the signs and was able to work through it.
Listen in on today's episode where we dive into what happens when we think that our spouse "made us" respond or behave in a particular way, the signs of a panic attack, and some simple things we can do about it.
Do you ever feel like your spouse doesn't give you the credit you deserve?
Welcome to the club! I bet all of us can relate to some degree. Often, when we feel like we are not getting the credit or the affirmation we feel we deserve, we can resort to some tactics out of desperation, like playing the victim, blaming them, trying to control their behaviors, or acting self-righteous. We may not even realize we are doing this.
Sadly, these attempts are what actually lead a spouse to do the opposite and treat us like the child we are being. Well, it doesn't have to be that way. We choose how we think and feel. It's an amazing feeling when we take responsibility for our own feelings. And you will be much happier with the response from our spouse.
Focusing on ourselves, and what we are not getting, is one of the biggest obstacles to earning respect, from anyone. But actively listening to them, considering their feelings and their perspective, and having empathy are big contributors to earning it.
If you are focused more on yourself than being curious about your spouse, that could be a sign that you may need to flip things around. Listen in on today's podcast episode where Nick responds to Shellie's latest podcast called, "Some Chick Flirted with My Husband"
Has you ever found yourself in this situation? Recently, my husband and I were at an event where we were socializing with other people, but not always in the same conversation. None of the women that Nick talked to bothered me at all, except one. She seemed to be flirting with him and I didn't like it one bit.
So, did I fly off the handle? I wanted to initially, but then I realized that I didn't want to be reactive and do something that I would regret later. Listen in to hear the amazing ways life coaching skills helped this situation. Not only did it increase my desire to be intimate with my husband, but it also created an experience that led to exponential pleasure.
Do mental and emotional health ever feel heavy, or like it may be too difficult to address?
Believe it or not, there are some simple but effective things we can do that can really make a difference in how we feel. Putting some of these activities into our week can really help us use healthy strategies instead of turning to damaging vices.
Listen in and let your imagination flow as we discuss some of the broad categories of activities that can bring some relief and peace without a lot of preparation. But pay close attention to the ones that make the biggest difference.
Remember when you first started dating your spouse? Do you remember how fun it was to stay up late, just talking and getting to know each other better?
Couples often share a memory like this because they shared parts of themselves with another person on a deeper level. They shared their experiences, their thoughts, the lessons they learned, and their feelings.
This is Emotional Intimacy... and when we experience this, we will naturally want to share even more of ourselves with our special someone. But if you currently feel like you are longing to connect more on an a deeper emotional level before you connect on a sexual one, listen in on today's episode to learn about 3 easy ways to do just that. At the end of the episode, I will share with you how to get a free download that will help you connect in 24 ways outside of the bedroom so you more easily connect inside the bedroom.
Have you ever felt like you were in a power struggle with your spouse? We have probably all felt this way at one point or another. This usually comes up when we face a situation where each spouse thinks they are right and then tries to control the other person to come over to their side.
Well, being controlled by another adult is not going to feel very good in a relationship where two people, each with their own authority to act for themselves, are meant to work together on things they see differently.
Listen in on today's episode to learn about some of the marriage traps of power struggles, the negative emotions that signal you're in one, and four strategies to deal with them. Let leveled as you seek for more balance.
Have you ever wondered why your libido might be low? For a lot of women, when they experience this, they start to think something might be wrong with them. Some might even think that they are somehow broken.
What most couples don't fully realize is that a woman's mind is foundational to her libido and to her desire to be intimate. So, you can imagine that anytime she has a negative thought go through her mind about herself, her husband, or even about the intimate experience itself, it will have an impact on her desire.
Listen in on today's episode where we offer hope to keep trying, motivation from the little moments of success, and a simple way to self-generate the most intense desire for intimacy ever. Our thoughts are incredibly powerful!
We just celebrated our 21st wedding anniversary! We went to Cabo San Lucas and were pleasantly surprised to overhear and participate in some awesome conversations.
While we were in the hot tub with dozens of complete strangers, we realized that one of the topics that was discussed the most was relationships and marriage in particular. Of course, we were completely fascinated!
Listen in as we share three unique stories of couples and the marriage advice they were freely giving away to anyone that would listen and see if you think their advice would be beneficial.
Do you know the signs and codes that people send out when they are having suicidal thoughts? If not, listen to last week's episode to learn them. It is so valuable to know them in today's world while we are facing difficult times.
Today's episode is a companion to that, part two, where we are going to discuss how to respond to someone who is showing these signs. The beauty of knowing how to respond is that you do not need to be a professional to intervene with love.
Listen in as we discuss the process of QPR. It's a fast response that will help us know the three easy things we can do the help our loved ones get the proper help they need. If we don't already know someone who has struggled with these types of dark thoughts, we most likely will in the future. Make sure you know how to intervene.
Do you personally know the warning signs of someone who is thinking about suicide? Can you name them or describe them? If not, you are not alone. But with suicide rates escalating to an all time high, it's time we learn more about it.
In today's episode, listen in as we go over some of the obvious sign as well as the not so obvious signs of suicide. Many people who are struggling with this, will often speak in code, so as to avoid the fear of being rejected if they do start to talk openly about it. We will discuss the main categories that these codes fall into.
This episode is part one of a two part series. In part one, you will learn the warning signs and codes of someone who is considering suicide, and part two will discuss the three steps normal everyday people can use if they see the warning signs in someone they know. Its time to increase our own confidence about this so we can act in love.
Have you ever found that when something small and negative happens during the day that it sometimes turns into something bigger than it needs to be? This can have a major impact on how you feel and how you show up the rest of the day.
Often, when we are living without the skills, tools, or techniques we need to improve our life and our relationships, little insignificant things can easily set us off quite quickly, keeping us trapped in a cycle of negative interactions with one another.
But what if there was a simple way to release us from this type of relationship sabotage? There is. Listen in as I share a personal and relatable example of something small that went wrong, and the 5 fast tips that kept it from getting worse.
What is your guilty pleasure? Is it doing good in your life and serving you well or is it causing harm? A quick road trip over the weekend gave me three awesome insights, reminding me that my particular guilty pleasure is doing me and my hubby quite a bit of good.
A lot of the time a guilty pleasure can lead to damaging habits. But every now and then, we can find one that can actually do a lot of good. This is for sure the case with a particular band that I listen to.
Listen in on today's episode to discover how one band who sings about sex, drugs, and rock and roll brings me closer to my husband. So close in fact, that it leads to me feeling "in the mood" for intimacy. What bands help you feel "in the mood?"
Have you ever had negative sentences about sex running through your mind? The intimate relationship is often the context in which marriage issues reveal themselves. And when we have negative thoughts about sex, we will have negative feelings about sex... making it very difficult to have the desire for it.
So, what are we to do? Listen in on this particular episode to discover three ways to modify the negative sentences in our mind. These are easy to use and you can start using them right away. These modifiers are ones that our brain enjoys and can easily get excited by... and may even light that little spark inside of us that creates a natural desire to be intimate.
Did you know that there is something you are already doing on a daily basis that could easily become an aphrodisiac for you?
There is! And that is incredible news because it's not something new you have to do or learn. But, when we learn how to do it more effectively, that's when it can make a big difference.
Listen in to find out how to harness this everyday occurrence, learn the four goals of it, and use the checklist as a guideline to help you master it.
When was the last time you took a close look at your desire for intimacy? Have you ever wondered how it was programmed through the media and your environment? This is not something you chose on purpose... the manner in which it was shaped when you were growing up. But we can challenge it now, and we can have total say in how it is shaped moving forward.
In marriage, we are usually faced with two different programs around sexual experiences (male and female based) showing up and interacting, and often colliding. But marriage is the the perfect place to take a closer look at our programming, to see if we like it the shape that its in, and how it has shaped our marriage.
Listen in on today's episode where we briefly look at twelve, one-minute examples of how our desire for intimacy, both high and low, can impact our relationship. We then conclude with four simple things you can do today to help reshape desire in a way that is more mature, more meaningful, and more beneficial to your marriage.
Have you ever thought your spouse was just lusting after you, but not really loving you? Lust is a word that usually brings some negative connotations with it, and with good reason if someone is really in the state of lust.
But what if we are thinking our spouse has fallen into lust when they really haven't? Do we really know the difference between the natural and normal desire for intimacy that comes with the love we have for our spouse, or do we just categorize all of their desires as lust?
Listen in on today's episode where we clarify the concept of lust, the actual ways desire turns into lust, and what we can do about it. We will use some actual numbers to help gain some much needed perspective, so that we can actually celebrate our spouses when they are demonstrating true love and stop assuming that it is all lust.
It's one week before Valentine's Day. How are you feeling about it? If your relationship is in a good place, you are probably excited. It its not, you might be dreading it.
In today's episode, we take the seven days leading up to this holiday and share one unique way to increase the love. It all starts out with a healthy dose of self-care, because we all know that when our own buckets are full it is much easier to share the love with others.
Listen in now and join us in the fun countdown, where we explore how nature, scarcity, and the Turn It Up Trifecta all set the tone for a unique Valentine's Day experience.
Women, have you ever cried after having sex, but it wasn't the happy kind of tears? Or husbands, have you ever seen your wife cry after sex? Maybe you don't even know that she cried because she left the room and hid it from you.
Either way, this happens more than we would like to think it does. But why? Why are we crying sad tears? Why aren't we crying tears of happiness after supposedly making deep connections through our intimate experiences?
There are a few reasons for this, but the main one has to do with our thoughts. There are thoughts we bring to the experience, thoughts we have during it that take us out of the experience, and thoughts we have about it afterwards. Listen in today to see what I did when this happened to me two years after I got married and how just one thought made all the difference.
Have you ever felt like your marriage could be better? Have you ever felt like the "emotional" part of intimacy could be deeper or that there was a simple solution to something that seems so complicated?
If both spouses are smart enough, marriage should be easier, right? Well, it can be easy, especially when you join our brand new program called the "Make It Meaningful" membership.
Listen in on this episode as we dive into all of the wonderful details of what's included in the membership and how much fun we can have inside.
Have you ever felt so stressed that you found it difficult to "get" in the mood? Stress is one of the biggest blockers to a woman's natural desire to be intimate. And when we take the time to lower our stress and practice healthy self-care on a regular basis, it can really help with this.
But what if the women tried to do what the men do and actually turned to intimacy to reduce their own stress? And what if we were able to do this without feeling guilt or shame about it? This is something that most of my female clients find very difficult to consider. What they often don't realize is that some of the chemicals that are released during and after intercourse actually help to lower stress!
If you ever feel like you are intimate with your spouse mainly out of duty or pity, then this could easily be a game changer for you! When you attempt to "get" in the mood for your own meaningful reasons, and not just for your spouse's reasons, it becomes much easier. Listen to this episode now to find out how.
Have you ever had some negative sentences run through your mind about your past? Like maybe your parents didn't give you enough encouragement to pursue your dreams. Or maybe you have thought that your ex-boyfriend didn't treat you as well as he should have.
This unfinished business, when left unchecked, can wreak havoc on our lives and on our marriage. And why would we want to continue to give power in our present situation to someone who didn't empower us from the past? We usually don't want to do this, but we may not realize that we actually are.
Listen in on today's episode as we dive into some of the signs that will let us know we are still living with unfinished business and that it's still having an effect on us. Listen to some examples of how it might show up in your life, and 4 options of how you could start to address it. Empower yourself this year to finally wrap up unfinished business.
We have all heard about New Year's Resolutions and goals, but have you ever thought about creating a new legacy for the new year? Probably not. Leaving behind a legacy is not something we usually think about until we get closer to death.
But what would happen if we thought about it now? What if our legacy was written out right now, at this very moment, based on how we spent our time and energy last year? Would we like it, or would we wish things were different?
Listen in on today's episode where we explore the big 6 categories that the majority of people view as the most valuable when they are closer to death and reflecting on their life. Learn how life-coaching concepts can help us create a legacy of total badassery instead of leaving behind a legacy of blame, helplessness, and victim mentality, simply by default, for the next generations to fall into.
Have you ever felt like your spouse should be parenting differently than they are? Have you ever felt frustrated because you seem to be on operating from two different pages of the parenting manual?
If so, you're not alone. In fact, this happened to me last week.. during Christmas vacation. I was hoping for things to go well with all the kids being home during the break and that we would make lovely memories that would fill our hearts with peace and happiness.
But that is not necessarily what happened. At least, not at first. Listen in to discover what we did when we were not on the same parenting page, the power of combining life-coaching approaches with spiritual approaches, how music was surprisingly helpful in this situation, and the awesome effectiveness of the simple 2-minute talk.
Have you ever been around someone who over-reacts to things? Their response is often larger than what the situation might have called for, and it can sometimes become unpleasant to be around them.
But challenges can also come when we under-react to our circumstances because under-reactive tactics keep us from having the discussions that are necessary to mend the relationship and resolve the problems.
Listen in on today's episode as we dive into the details of being under-reactive and over-reactive on our marriage, with examples of each. We will then explain the effects that it has on being "in the mood" for intimacy and what we can do about it all. Don't stay stuck in this common marriage trap.
Have you ever found that you were finally feeling "in the mood" to be intimate only to get derailed by something your spouse said? This is such a common scenario, but one that often happens unnecessarily.
The challenge comes when we hear certain words or phrases that we don't like and then we make those words mean something negative... either about our spouse, our self, or about intimacy.
This happens in our brain and is at the heart of life coaching skills. Listen in on today's episode where we discuss 4 steps to take to make this process easier and more fun. We are also including a free PDF for you and your spouse to discuss and fill out together to help you both agree on vocabulary that actually helps you stay on the Intimacy Trek.
Download our free Bedroom Essentials Worksheet by clicking on the following link: https://shellie.andersoncoaching.com/opt-in-52763164-0f51-4c55-a4c0-7acadecba544
What is happening? Over the past month, I noticed that I was feeling much more "in the mood" to be intimate with my husband... without even trying. When does that ever happen? And I also noticed that this was happening quite a bit on Sundays.
In this episode we will explore the surprising discoveries I made that were contributing to being "in the mood" without trying to convince myself to be "in the mood" for intimacy.
Listen in to find out the three things that were happening on Sundays that added fuel to the intimate fire... both naturally and easily, and then see how you can apply them in your own life and marriage. Sundays really can be a beautiful blessing in our lives!
BDE has been a big buzzword in Hollywood and in the media for a while now and we decided it was time to take a closer look at it.
In today's episode, we discuss what BDE stands for and why people say it matters. And of course, in typical life-coaching style, we challenge it. We ask the questions that matter and see if we can get to an understanding that actually makes a difference in our marriage.
Listen in as we explore three main questions that will help us stay more focused on Big "Discovery" Energy instead of the media's version of BDE. This new take on it can really help our genuine love, concern, and wonder, for both ourselves and our spouse, take us to new heights.
Have your ever felt like your marriage was slowly fading away? Maybe you have noticed that it's starting to erode a little more with each passing year.
Our current marriage relationship can often be put into one of two categories: a relationship that withers or a relationship that blooms. Each of these is based on something different and unique and will have an effect on our marriage. Do you know which one your marriage falls into?
Listen in as we take a deeper dive into the roots and outcomes of both a reactive and a proactive marriage, why agency and self advocacy can surprisingly help ignite arousal, and how our action will be be the evidence of which one we live from. Now is the time to draw upon our higher and more mature thinking skills and live a life in high bloom.
Has it ever felt like your marriage was slowly disintegrating over time? Maybe some of the fun and exciting elements that used to be there in the beginning of your relationship feel like they are slowly starting to drift away.
Most people have felt this from time to time, but we don't have to continue on that path which will eventually lead to a marriage that is broken all together. Instead, we can course correct and use the higher thinking abilities of adult humans.
Listen in as we discuss the two main types of marriages categories that are being offered to us, the negative traps that are being promoted in today's world and how to avoid them. Having a higher awareness of them is half of the battle, and the other half has to do with our choices and thought work.
We all know the situation. Hubby is in the mood and the wifey is not. This scenario happens all... the... time. We are all familiar with the excuses of why women are not in the mood.
We're too tired, it's just another chore, or we are just not that interested in sex. In today's episode, we explore some of the top reasons we get as life coaches for why women don't want to be intimate with the love of their life.
Listen is as we take a closer look at these reasons and explore what we can do about them. We will challenge our negative mindsets to shift over to a more mature marriage mindset, and one that will actually benefit both ourselves and our marriage.
Have you ever felt like being social was just a bit more than you wanted to handle? Have you ever felt like it can cause a bit of anxiety or uneasiness? If so, you are not alone. But if left to our own devices, we could easily end up more isolated and feeling blue.
Humans are made for interaction. We are meant to be social. And when we leave this component out of our lives, we can fall into the concept of "failure to thrive." But what does this mean for married couples, even if husband and wife are opposites when it comes to being social?
Listen in as we discuss some helpful questions to ask yourselves, as well as a few group date ideas to consider, to help you level up your the dating goals. We will list off some of the benefits that you can receive as a couple by making your social life a consistent part of a well-balanced life. Even discussing and planning a double date can bring you so much closer!
Have you ever considered that doing things your own way could be a source of generating sexiness? When we are able to be our beautiful unique selves, we shine a little brighter and show up in life with more vitality.
But when we think we are obligated to meet the expectations that others have for us, even our in-laws or extended family members, we can show up feeling inauthentic, heavy, and very held back. This can bring some added stress and tension to the marriage relationship and can make holiday events intense and chaotic.
So what are we to do? Listen in on today's episode where we dive into the concept of embracing our uniqueness and creativity. And when we do this with our spouse by using some of the tips we discuss, we can create those loving feelings that naturally lead to a deeper sense of connection and greater intimacy.
Has it ever seemed like your spouse could find all of the wonderful reasons to be intimate when you seem to struggle finding even one? Do you ever feel like you are on opposite sides of the intimacy equation?
If so, you are not alone. In this episode, we start off a little bit differently with an exercise of imagining a very specific scenario in our mind... where we cast a spell on our spouse to create the most ideal sexual experience that we could ever imagine. As we go through the details of our day once this imaginary spell is cast, we get to notice how it took effect as things start to play out differently.
The insight we gain by doing this can be very empowering. When we are able to uncover and unlock the components that matter the most to us and that contribute to our emotional desire to be intimate, we will be clear on what we can put back into the experience. Listen in on this process to start creating a more wholistic experience of intimacy.
Have you ever felt like the sexual component of your marriage is the one that seems the most difficult? Back in the day, when we were dating people and imagining what marriage would be like, we probably imagined a romantic love life that came about easily as a result of the deep and enduring love that conquers all things.
And then we got married, jumped into the world of sexual intimacy, and then wondered why it somehow got complicated and frustrating. This is a situation that happens all the time and is very normal to experience. But what do we actually do about it?
Listen in on today's episode where we will dive into why intimacy is difficult, challenging the concept that it's supposed to be "easy," and a few simple ways to start thinking about it differently. Pay attention to how the concept of time is involved as we point out the impact it has on intimacy.
Does intimacy always come easy or does it sometimes feel like you have to weather the storm? While there are many beautiful and wonderful elements to intimacy in a marriage, there are also many traps that we can fall into. These traps almost always show up in the way that we think about intimacy.
Often, when I start working with a client and we begin the process of challegning their thinking about intimacy, the emotional floodgates open. They can experience a wide variety of emotions, like regret when they think "I wish I had known some of this sooner" or even hope when they think "I can see how these thoughts make a big difference."
When take on the challenge of diving into the difficulties that come with intimacy using a life coaching approach, we start to gain the skills that allow us to navigate the other storms in our lives as well. Listen in on today's episode where we explore individual sexual responsibility, increasing confidence in both yourself and your spouse, and letting go of false expectations of how the sexual experience "should be" for your spouse.
When our husband is always wanting to be intimate with us, we probably have a lot of thoughts about that. And when our husband suddenly doesn't want to have sex with us, we are probably going to have a lot of thoughts about that, too.
Unfortunately, the thoughts that seem to get our attention are probably not very good ones. In fact, they are often thoughts that lead us to make the assumption that they are having an affair. And if we find ourselves going down that rabbit hole, we are probably feeling some negative feelings about them, about ourselves, and about our marriage.
But in today's episode, we are going to take a look at all of the possible reasons your husband's desire may have taken a turn, most of which have nothing to do with us on a personal level. It will be important to consider all possibilities with a genuine desire to discover what is really going on for them, and then add an extra dose of compassion on top. Doing so may be the exact ingredients that are needed to keep things from getting worse.
We've all heard the phrase "the grass is always greener on the other side." But how do our thoughts fall into this trap when it comes to our spouse, our marriage, and intimacy?
Sometimes, a wife may think if she had a better husband, she would be "in the mood" more often." And sometimes a husband may think "if my wife was just a little more like so and so, then I would be really happy with our sex life."
But our grass will only be greener when we water it correctly. Listen in on today's episode where we explore some scientific facts about the sex life and satisfaction of married couples! They may not be what you think. And we will also discuss three powerful, love-filled questions we can ask ourselves when our libidos are not aligned at the same time.
Have you ever felt frustrated when you are fighting with your spouse? Like you wanted to reconnect but somehow your efforts weren't producing the results you wanted?
You are not alone. Sometimes, when things are not going well in the marriage, we will have negative thoughts that derail our best efforts and can take us even further down the negative rabbit hole. In this situation, our stress levels can make it challenging to call on our higher brain to think differently and to think better.
Listen in on today's episode where Nick and Shellie get real and open with some of the 5 fights they had in just one week! They discuss the negative thoughts that got them into fighting mode as well as the thoughts that brought relief and restoration to the relationship. Can you relate to any of them?
We live in a crazy and chaotic world right now. So it comes as no surprise that depression and suicide rates are on the rise. We are exposed to so much information and yet we are still losing connection with one another.
In today's episode we are going to take a closer look at the signs of depression. This will allow us to have a better understanding of something we are going through ourselves, or it can help us recognize it in someone else that we love. If you haven't had an experience with depression as of yet, we can almost plan on it affecting someone we care about in the near future... so why not be prepared for it with life coaching.
We are going to explore the 9 signs of depression and talk about the duration and frequency of them. Sadly, while more and more women are attempting suicide, more and more men actually accomplish it. We will end by giving you a three part formula to help someone who may be contemplating suicide, using the letter QPR. Learn how to recognize the signs for yourself, your spouse, your extended family and your grandkids!
www.QPRInstitute.com (online suicide awareness course)
National Suicide Prevention Hotline 1-800-273-8255
Have you ever found that your thoughts are vacationing? Sometimes, they spend too much time in the past, tuning out of the present moment. And sometimes they spend too much time thinking about the future, escaping what is currently happening in the moment.
This is all normal and natural. But all too often, we spend too much time on these mental vacations without real intention or purpose, and without the awareness that can make the time our thoughts do spend in either place more effective. Remember, the best present... is to be present, and we can't allow unbalance to rob us of the beauty of the present.
Listen in on today's podcast where we will discuss an easy and effective way to harness the time our brain does spend in the past and in the future. This will allow us to address the heavy future disasters that sometimes weigh on our mind, while not leaving the fun and beauty of our dreams to get lost in the trap of "once the kids are older, then we will fulfill that dream." This will allow us to free up our precious brain space and energy, so that we can live more fully in the moment and it actually enjoy it.
Have you ever felt like there was something that you have been struggling with in your marriage that just seems a little too big to tackle? It happens to all of us. We sometimes think we might have to completely change who we are in order to resolve it, and that doesn't sound too fun.
The reality is that we will always be facing challenges in life and in our marriage. But when we can view them as a series of much smaller items that need our attention, our brain can manage them much more effectively.
Listen in today as we discuss 4 simple steps to take that will capitalize on how our brain likes to view problems. Finding a deeper personal meaning in the struggle will allow our brain to tap into its invigorating problem-solving energy in a way that is more personal and empowering.
Have you ever felt like there needs to be more to your marriage than just sex? Of course there does! And the good news is that there is much more to intimacy than just sex.
True intimacy has to do with sharing the inner most and deepest parts of ourselves with another, especially the deepest Thoughts and Feelings we have. This is why so many people connect with the idea that our emotions are intricately connected to intimacy.
In today's episode, we discuss how our Thoughts and Feelings become foundational to our marriage, especially when the challenges and changes of life come our way. We will go over three questions to ask yourself during difficult times of job loss, or political differences, or health issues, that will help your brain tap into its higher and creative abilities, allowing true intimacy to flourish and strengthen your marriage.
Have you ever felt like there was something you wanted to share with your spouse about how you're experiencing sex in your marriage but held back for some reason? It's not surprising, considering this topic can be viewed as taboo and there isn't a class we take that teaches us how to communicate effectively about it.
But not to worry. Today is the day we can change all of that. In today's episode, we are going to talk about 3 strategies to help us communicate more effectively about sex. These strategies allow us to speak authentically without using blaming words or words that often offend people.
Communicating in this way allows our spouse to be a better listener since they won't need to defend their viewpoint. This can create a deeper level of understanding. These tools will allow us to communicate with more confidence since there will be no expectations for our spouse to have to fulfill our every wish or fantasy.
Everyone has felt distant from their spouse from time to time. That's a normal part of the marriage relationship. But how do we approach one another when that distance lasts longer than we would like or longer than is healthy?
In today's episode, we will discuss some of the silly things that may cause us to become distant in the first place and what it means to really reconnect. We take a closer look at some of specific wording in its very definition, which will then signal us how to approach reconnecting.
Don't miss the three simple ways to reconnect (with specific communication skills) you can apply right away if you find yourself in this situation!
Sometimes, in marriage, we can start to become so dependent on our spouse that we forget that we are responsible to continue to be our own person. We each have our own thoughts, feel our own emotions, and can even experience the same situation differently.
In honor of our nation's Independence Day, we are focusing today's episode on the concept of independence and how it relates to intimacy. While me might easily dismiss that these two are related, the more we accept it and understand it, the more we will feel like ourselves in the relationship.
Listen in today as Nick takes the reigns in this episode as Shellie's voice is still on the mend. He will share some important points to consider and offer some valuable communication skills to implement. Whether you are listening to this episode near the 4th of July holiday or at any other time of the year, there will be some great reminders of how to level up the way we are thinking about our circumstances.
In today's world, it seems like men really enjoy everything about sex. They seem to enjoy it so much that they keep coming back for more. Time and time again, husbands keep turning to their wife to experience the pleasure that comes from sexual intimacy.
But this is not always true for the experience of the wife. They may be having just as much sex with their husband, but they just aren't enjoying it as much! So, they don't seem to want to return for more as often as their beloved does.
In today's episode, we are going to dive deeper into this challenging issue by clarifying some of the details of male and female anatomy, and more specifically, the number of nerve endings that are found in the genitals. If you think that the men have more, think again! We will also explore what happens when the "first sex organ" is ignored and what we can do about it. Learn what the brain needs to experience and interpret pleasure correctly.
Emotional Desire is what we feel when we long to be intimate with our spouse. Most of us have heard of the word libido, and this is what we are talking about. But we are going to break this down into its smaller parts so that we can gain clarity on how to access more of it in our lives.
Far too many women think that they are either just born with a desire to be intimate or that they "just aren't like that." One of the main reasons for that is because women are taught about desire in terms of how the men experience it, as a drive. But women experience it more as a pull or as an invitation to get closer.
The truth is that we all experience desire. We all know how to go to the store and buy something that we desire. We just haven't been taught how to apply this to our desire to be intimate. Once you learn the equation we explain in today's episode, you can start applying it to be able to generate and access that desire within yourself in the realm of intimacy.
Did you know that there are 5 phases that we go through when it comes to intimacy? Most people don't know about this because we usually are only shown two phases of it when it comes to media and public education. This leaves us without the big picture, meaning that certain parts have left out.
In today's episode, we are going to discuss the 5 phases of intimacy so that we can regain that more complete picture of what actually makes up intimacy. We will explain why we refer to this as "The Intimacy Trek" and why one phase leads to the next. And rest assured, this is not about how to take things to the next level of kinky stuff. Not at all. The phases of The Intimacy Trek are fundamental and foundation for the most basic and mildest forms of intercourse.
So many people struggle with intimacy when some of the phases of The Intimacy Trek are skipped over or left out all together. But there is no need for that. Listen in and make sure that all of the phases are included in your experience.
Have you ever wondered if sexual desire is evil? If so, you are not alone. Many people have wondered this, and even more so if they were raised with strong moral values. This notion may be having an affect on how we think about the sexual side of ourself and may even have us avoiding it.
In today's episode, we are going to take a much closer look at the definition of the word "evil." This is so that we can have clarity on what actually counts as evil. Sometimes, our brain can be very dramatic, and can jump to assigning something under the category of being evil when it actually isn't evil at all.
Listen in as we dive into an example of a client who felt aroused when looking at some lingerie ads when wanting to purchase a bra. We break down the definitions of evil to see if what she experienced actually qualified as evil. There is no need to feel guilt and shame for something that is not actually evil, but rather God-given. Listen in to find out how.
Have you ever felt like you are not too interested in what takes place in the bedroom late at night? Have you ever felt like intimate experiences are more on the boring side instead of something exciting?
Then this is the episode for you! When we think about being bored in the bedroom, we may think that the solution we will be given is kinky sex positions or dressing up like Princess Leia when she was Jabba the Hut's slave. But that is not what you are going to find here.
Listen in as we discuss two out-of-the-box ideas that are not based in how men think about variety, but is based more on how women experience variety in their life and in their environment. We are going to discuss how women's boredom and the monotony of her everyday doings can lead to boredom in the bedroom...even if it's not related to sex. Women's variety can be totally different then men's variety. These two ideas will have you thinking differently about how adding the element of surprise or newness can ignite natural feelings of excitement and wanting to share that excitement with your spouse.
Have you ever thought "Why should I be the one doing all the work to improve intimacy, when my husband is the one who wants to have sex all the time?" This is a natural question to ask ourselves when we don't know a better one to ask. But this is also a question that leads us to inaction... waiting around for our spouse to make all the changes.
The biggest trap couples fall into with when this type of question comes into play, is that it can leave us waiting around for someone else to solve our problem, and we may be waiting around for a long, long time. Now that will just lead to more frustration, resentment, and even less of a desire to be intimate. Not good.
So, let's try a different approach. Let's try asking some better questions that will actually improve the way we are thinking about our life, sparking a new type of desire and motivation within us. Listen now to discover 4 questions that can help us think about improving intimacy differently.
This special podcast episode is designed to give a detailed description of our Marriage Prep program called "First Night, First Year." This program is for couples who are dating and wanting to get married, engaged couples, and can even be for couples who are already married but want a fresh start.
This program has come at the request of many past clients, who wanted us to be able to share the information and tools we were teaching them (couples who were already married) to their grown children who were about to get married... in hopes of saving them from some of the challenges they were facing themselves.
This is a proactive and preventative program and would make a fabulous bridal shower or early wedding gift! There are two parts to the program and the first part should happen BEFORE they get married. It's all related to everything leading up to their first night of intimacy together and some of the expectations they might have. And the second part takes them through the entire first year of their marriage, which of course is known as the hardest year. This is the gift that every couple needs... they just don't know it yet.
Have you ever noticed that your marriage seems in need of a tune-up? Sometimes, when we feel like things aren't going so well in this very special relationship, we can feel like the problems are too big to solve or that it will take far too long to improve things. And this will often leave us feeling hopeless, overwhelmed, and confused as to knowing where to even begin.
Well, not to worry. We've got you. Today we are going to talk about 3 easy and doable steps that you can start implementing right away. None of these steps are too big or too overwhelming. They are small steps that make a big difference.
These steps will actually challenge you to take a closer look at what you say are your priorities in life and what are actually your priorities in your everyday reality. This will be determined when you really pay attention to what you are actually spending the minutes of your days on. Don't get caught in the trap of just saying your marriage is a priority when in reality, little quality time is spent being together and improving it. Listen now to start implementing these steps!
It's no secret that most men are very familiar with their body parts and how things work from a very young age. For the women, it's not always so obvious. While we do have some external genitals that make up the vulva, the parts of ourselves that lead to the most common type of orgasm are more mysterious, and not so obvious to find.
In today's episode, we are going to dive into some much needed sex ed, and will discuss some of the key points that were left out the reproductive-focused elementary education that most of us received when we were younger. This is a clean and classy version, where we explore how male parts mirror female parts, and that they look different and are rearranged accordingly. Marriage is the most appropriate and most perfect time to explore this side of ourselves, alongside a spouse who is trustworthy and committed.
And this episode would not be complete without a clear discussion of the mysterious clitoris, as we clearly define where to find it, how to unveil it, and the distinction in the number of its nerve endings compared to the penis. Women are meant to feel pleasure, and this episode will help both husbands and wives work towards a more educated and balanced goal.
Has it ever seemed like the intimacy in your marriage felt stagnant? Like it wasn't moving forward and just stuck in a rut?
I'm sure we have all been there before. But what we may not have realized is the possibility that we could still be carrying around some of the old assumptions or expectations about marriage and intimacy from our earlier years. When these expectations stay on the back burner of our mind, we won't always realize how they are still showing up... even after years of marriage, draining our energy and motivation.
In today's episode, we are going to revisit some old expectations that we may have had when we were dating, engaged, or newly married. We are going to challenge our Thoughts about them, and replace them with correct Thoughts... that serve our marriage far better. There is no need to remain drained of the feel-good energy that comes when you can see what's actually possible for your relationship!
Blame is such a natural human response when things are not going well. It is the easy way out. When we blame, we feel better temporarily, and then move on to blame again when that feeling wears off. This will keep us trapped and will keep us feeling like a victim in our own lives. Not only can this can happen in our marriage, but it can also happen in any or all other aspects of our lives.
When we keep ourselves the victim, we wait around for other people to solve our problems, which means we will wait around for a long time, getting more and more frustrated along the way. In today's episode, we will dive into this topic and explore how a lot of advice out in the world suggests we just blame the different cultures we grew up with and perhaps just walking away from those cultures when a challenge comes up for us adults.
But running away from anything that we view as challenging instead of learning the skills to handle our challenges just keeps us in a constant cycle of running away and escaping. But we will offer a new perspective, with 4 tips that will not only allow you to stay surrounded by the cultures that blessed your life but also make you stronger during the process.
Have you ever felt like romance has been lacking a bit in your marriage? I'm pretty sure we have all felt that way from time to time. Sadly, when we leave romance unattended to for long periods of time, we can start thinking that our spouse is to blame.
But here is the secret sauce: the more time you spend planning the romantic experiences you want to enjoy, the more you look forward to them... igniting a natural desire within you to want to be closer to your spouse!
Our thoughts have a huge impact on how we feel. And if we are ever feeling like we are not "in the mood" for intimacy, planning a romantic evening may just do the trick. Listen in as we describe how all of our senses add to this experience, enhancing the often overlooked female arousal contributor of variety. Feel how empowering it can be to plan the romance you want to experience!
Most of us have probably heard of the term "lip service," where the right things are said that are nice or flattering, but then there aren't any actions to back those words up. This shows up in marriage sometimes, when a spouse might say something in hopes to keep the peace or in hopes to keep their spouse from reacting.
The problem that eventually comes from doing this over time is that a resentment is often building up inside, as the spouse that is providing the lip service is kind of bottling up their true emotions. This may seem very noble in our minds to do this, but it can lead us to developing a habit of not being totally honest with ourselves or our spouse. This takes away from deeper intimacy, where we can really express our true thoughts and emotions.
But not to worry. In this episode, we are going to talk about thinking outside the box and trying something new. We are going to challenge you to think of the little everyday things that get you grumpy during the week and to come up with a funny new way to approach it. Listen in as Nick and I share a personal example of how this happened for us and how it helped us reconnect... through "b!tch service" instead of lip service.
Has a problem in your marriage ever felt heavier than it actually was? There is a reason for that. And while it may seem like we are simply bothered by something our spouse did, or didn't do, what's actually taking place is that there are two battles that we are facing: a spiritual battle as well as the temporal and practical battle we see.
In today's world, marriage is being attacked from so many different angles and we have to become even more vigilant to keep our marriage in tact. The adversary does not want our marriages to be strong. Think about it. He doesn't have a body, can't get married, and can't engage in sex! Jealousy must rage within him. And if he can't have it, he for sure doesn't want anyone else to have it, or enjoy it. Misery loves company.
So what are we to do? We can use two different types of battle strategies to approach one problem (at a time) in our marriage. Listen in as we explore both spiritual strategies and practical strategies (using life coaching skills and thought work) to increase our strength in battle.
We don't, and this episode is not about getting into one. This episode explores what the world offers us as solutions to marriage challenges.
Listen in as we discuss many of the easy and quick ways that the world says will help marriages through their issues, including the latest fad of being "monogram-ish." The sad thing is that many of these solutions do not allow for each individual to grow and develop on a personal level that has meaning and value.
Luckily, a life coaching approach to challenges in marriage offers something far better, where each spouse can learn a few key skills that will help solve the problems they face individually as well as a couple.
What kind of impact does mental illness have on a relationship? A lot of stress and disconnection, if its not managed with care.
Today, Nick and I get real, honest, and vulnerable as we open up about one of ours sons who struggles with a mental illness. It is one of the most challenging things we face as a couple. If we didn't have a few skills in our back pocket to draw upon, our marriage could have easily suffered.
Today we will discuss the differences between hallucinations and delusions, both of which our son suffers. We discuss natural defense mechanisms that don't work and some that help keep things steady. And finally, we will discuss some of the things that really help us get through it keeping our love in tact.
Have you ever felt like your spouse wasn't giving you the respect you felt you deserved? Well, you're not alone. I think it's safe to say that most married couples have probably felt this at different times in their relationship. The challenge we face is what happens when we start to feel like we aren't respected, and when we turn to tactics that end up costing us the very respect we are seeking.
When we are feeling disrespected, some other emotions will usually come along with it, like anger or sadness, as well as a very strong desire to ease our discomfort and correct the situation as quickly as possible. When we want to feel better, our desperate drive to change our circumstance will often lead us to controlling tactics, where we may attempt to control the behavior of our spouse (or others), demanding that they give us the respect we are longing for.
But let's be real. These attempts may gain us some compliance, and may look like respect on the outside, but it won't be real respect. It will be fake, and will often lead to a feeling of resentment on the inside. So let's take a different approach as we realign ourselves with our own values, using more mature skills... ones that give us respect for ourselves first. Being able to free up our precious mind space in this way can allow us to improve the environment for the betterment of all those around us. Now that is something to be respected.
This is an episode to help out with Valentine's Day. Actually, this episode was created to help out with an entire week of feeling the love. But the format that we will share and discuss is not just a list of things to do or expectations that need to be met.
In fact, we are going to flip the status quo of flowers and chocolates on its head and try something totally different. We are going to fill our own buckets first in 7 unique ways, by adding just one little drop at a time.
Listen in as we guide you through 7 different ways to focus on self-care to ignite self-love, which can free us up to show a more authentic love for our spouse. By the end, you will be able to more easily let go of all of the unnecessary expectations connected to this holiday, and focus on the one that really matters: expect to connect.
Sometimes, when our spouse does something unexpected or something we preferred they didn't do, we can get thrown off. We may start to think something has gone terribly wrong. And since our brain likes to be dramatic at times, this situation can create a little storm that starts to stir things up in a negative way.
If our spouse takes some time for some much needed self-care, like if they go fishing or motorcycle riding for the weekend, our brain will sometimes "horrible-ize" them, and make them out to be something they are not: selfish, inconsiderate, and mean... on purpose. When we ask ourselves the question "What kind of spouse would do that?" it is often a sign that we are in this state of mind.
In today's episode, we will explore this topic in more detail, discussing what we can do about it when we get there. And it will be important to realize that often when we are thinking something along these lines, that there can also be a masked component of jealousy, where we realize that we have not met our own self-care needs, and can feel both exhausted from not doing so and mad at ourselves that we haven't.
I'm guessing many of us don't know everything there is to know about sex and intimacy. Many people grew up being taught that those kinds of things were not to be dabbled in until we were older and married.
And now that we are older and married, we may find that we still don't know quite a bit about sex and intimacy. What is holding us back? Sometimes, fear holds us back. We are afraid to educate ourselves because we might all of a sudden turn into some kind of crazy sex addict. Yes, our mind can be very dramatic like that. But other times, we may not have given ourselves the mental permission to do so.
As adults, our mind is developed enough (and mature enough) to handle adult concepts, including sexual topics. Being married is the exact right time to learn more about how to develop the sexual side of ourselves. And today's episode can give you an idea about what can happen when we approach these types of challenging topics with maturity and responsibility.
How many times a day are you having a thought about what your spouse "should" be doing? Or what they "shouldn't" be doing? We all do it at times, but when we are in a place where we are feeling some negative thoughts towards our spouse, we may find that these thoughts come up even more so, fueling the negative fire to burn even stronger.
Today we are going to dive a little deeper into the word "should" so that it can act as a signal to ourselves, letting us know that we have an expectation for our spouse that we want them to fulfill. Unfortunately, we usually have not communicated this expectation, and go on believing that they should just "know" about it if they really loved us. This creates a negative cycle as we turn to manipulating or passive aggressive efforts to try to get them to fulfill this unspoken expectation.
When we are stuck in this cycle, we often feel helpless, hopeless, and powerless to "make" our spouse change so that we can feel better. But today is the day that we can break this cycle. It's time to pack your "should" up, and put the power in your own hands. Don't know how to do that? Then click right now to listen and learn!
What the heck is Sexy Math? This is the kind of math that I actually like, because it raises our Thought Awareness. As adults, we have the ability to "think about our thinking." Unfortunately, many adults often don't use this super power to their advantage to help them reach their goals... even their marriage and intimacy goals.
In today's episode, we are going to look at a specific example of one married couple's Sexy Math: the number of times each of them thought about sex during the day, the week, the month, and the year. We look at these numbers to increase our understanding of the connection that is made between our thoughts and our feelings, and how they relate to the desire we feel to be intimate with our spouse.
Looking at these differences can help us gain insight into how much time our mind is spending on sexy subjects, so that we can make adjustments if we want to. This is not meant to compare the numbers in order to label them as right or wrong, but is meant to help us understand our own ability to change those number to what we WANT them to be. Powerful!
Part of the beauty of being an adult is that you get to make decisions for yourself. An adult brain has abilities that a child’s brain doesn’t, like being able to think about our thinking. As adults, we get to use this ability to our advantage, or disadvantage, depending on which way we approach it. When we get stuck thinking that we “have to” do things, it can trigger us to feel quite terrible.
This shows up in marriage as well. We think we “have to” be a good spouse, that we “have to” do the dishes, or that we “have to” have sex. This often puts having sex in the same category as our to-do list, which can trigger us to feel obligated to complete. But we don’t have to do anything in our marriage that we don’t want to… even when it comes to intimacy.
Listen in as we discuss how this thought, that we “have to” have sex with our spouse can wreak havoc on our natural desire to “want to” have sex with our spouse. We will go through a few examples of how this shows up, how agency plays a big role, and the question we can ask ourselves as a mini self-intervention.
Marriage doesn't have to be a place where there is constant competition or power struggles. Why not both rise up together? In today's world, marriage is hard enough. We can easily be bombarded by the many messages out there that only contribute to more conflict in one of the relationships we treasure the most.
But there is no need for all of that. With the start of the new year, why not pick a theme for your marriage where both husband and wife can reach new heights by working together and lifting one another up? Now that sounds like a fabulous way to start off the year.
Listen in on today's episode where we take a closer look at an ancient proverb, that inspires both husband and wife to rise up in ways that complement each other, not compete. We will explore three easy ways to help couples ascend with each other. When we work together towards this goal, we can discover that each of our unique contributions create a much better partnership... one that is more whole and complete.
Have you ever heard the phrase "get your mind out of the gutter?" I'm guessing that most of us have. Unfortunately, there is often a huge assumption made when that phrase is said. And the assumption is this: that there are inappropriate and immoral sexual thoughts of the worst kind taking place.
But what if that is simply not true? What if a person was thinking a sexual thought about their spouse, in a way that was completely appropriate, and caused them to feel closer as a result? If that's the case, maybe we should get our mind in the gutter more often!
Listen in on today's episode where we take a closer look at this phrase, defining the words that make it up, and take a fresh new perspective on how it can actually contribute to the natural desire we can feel to be intimate with our spouse. You get to choose the sexual thoughts you think, and you get to channel them in any direction you want to!
The holidays can be stressful sometimes. Even though we love our families and extended relatives, spending an increased amount of time with them can really increase our frustration levels. This often leads to over-reactions, things said in the heat of the moment, and even some regret later on.
Setting up personal boundaries ahead of time, before these family events, can be one of the best things we can do to keep relationships healthy and thriving. In today's episode, we are going to talk about personal boundaries that never need to spoken, although spoken boundaries are sometimes required. Boundaries keep people IN our lives in a healthy way, and do not separate them or kick them out of our lives.
Listen in as we share some personal experiences with how to set up boundaries to set your self up for success during the holidays. We will discuss three main points to consider during the process, which come from a place of love instead of anger or frustration.
Have you ever found that physical and sexual intimacy seems to be slipping by the wayside? Sometimes, we may find that we are not as engaged in the sexual aspect of our marriage simply by default. We have been caught up in all of the busy-ness of doing all the things that need to be done, and have ended up too tired or too stressed to focus on intimacy.
Not to worry. This is common and just one of the many factors that can contribute to a lack of intimacy. In today's episode, we are going to discuss some of the many causes that can lead us to head down that often miserable path of lacking intimacy, creating much more distance between spouses than is necessary.
We will also discuss the effects of these factors on our marriage. The good news about all of these causes is that they are usually temporary, and can really be addresses with the Thought Work that comes from using the skills in life coaching. Challenging our Thoughts when we notice these things coming up in our relationship can really be so valuable!
Dwelling in love is a phrase that comes from the scriptures. And as we strive to dwell in love with our spouse, and put in the mental work to love them without fear, we can experience something we may not have considered before.
This episode is a spiritual one. Many of my clients come to me wishing their husband would be different... less focused on sex and more focused on spiritual things. But what if these two things could be combined in a way that we never thought of before? That would be amazing!
Listen in as we discuss how to do this very thing, and the spiritual benefits of love-making for our husband, and ourselves! Something happens to the mind, that is not often discussed, during the final phases of the intimacy trek, that can lead to stronger spirituality. This is one of those mysteries of marriage that can be achieved when we are really striving to become one with one another. Let's not underestimate how powerful it can be to dwell in love!
Today we are going to explore a type of communication called Whole Messages. We are going pull this valuable information from a book called "Messages, The Communication Skills Book."
Couples can easily fall into the trap of using Partial Messages when they leave out important information when they are communicating with one another. Fear is often what drives us to communicate in this way, creating confusion, a sense of suspicion, and often mistrust. Many negative emotions accompany this type of communication, and does not help create the understanding or closeness we long for.
Listen in as we discuss the four major components of Whole Messages, which supports and compliments the Self-Coaching Model used in life coaching. This is where we can learn to express ourselves with more authenticity and more clarity, so that true understanding can be achieved and more trust can be built.
Have you ever loved your husband so much, but didn't have much desire to be intimate? Have you ever thought you weren't "normal" because your desire wasn't very high? Well, most women think their hormones are off, but what is often overlooked is how we are actually thinking about intimacy.
And since we have a high level of control over the thoughts we choose to spend time thinking, we can have a major impact on our desire. Desire is an emotion that gets triggered by our thinking. So if we are thinking negative thoughts about our spouse or intimacy, it will be no surprise if we do not feel desire to be intimate.
Well, today is the day we can start to make a simple shift. In today's episode, we will explain how to keep yourself from falling into one of the most common traps that keep us from feeling in the mood, and how to unlock and release our own natural desire.
When our heart is feeling heavy, is humor our first go-to when we want to feel some relief? Probably not. Humor is one of those things that can really contribute to us feeling better, but is often underestimated.
Well, not when it comes to Life Coaching! We never underestimate the power of humor. We see using humor as a skill, and anyone can use it. In today's podcast episode, we will explore this in more detail as we discuss three questions that will help us look at our challenges in marriage, intimacy, or life in general, by enlisting humor to come to our aid. Our brain loves this type of unique mission and will probably feel excited to get to work.
Anyone here a fan of the show "Ted Lasso?" I am a huge one. As long as you can get get past all of the F words, its amazing and pretty clean. I laugh and cry in every episode. Last week, when I was faced with something that didn't go my way with the hubby, one of the three questions related to humor came to my mind. As I asked myself the question, you will never believe what my brain brought to me as the answer... the bad boy from this show, Roy Kent. And you will not believe what he had to say to me! It was awesome, and humorous, and exactly what was needed.
(Don't worry, there are no F words in this episode :).
We have all heard of the many little things that couples do to keep perspective, especially those who have been together for a long time, like "let the little things go, find the humor in life, and focus on the good.
There's so much great wisdom to keep in mind -- from wise couples who have made it. But what about something that's easy & fun?
What about planning a trip that's just for you two . . . without kids or work or any other distractions?
What if you just planned on doing that once a year . . . every year.
Imagine all that you and your spouse would have to talk about, to plan together, to look forward to together and to dream together.
The first week in November is when Nick and I decided we would do that for our marriage.
We try to do something every year that's just for us. A time to reconnect with one another and remember why we actually fell in love . . . and continue to do so.
Does it ever seem like women's physical/sexual arousal is often a mystery? Well, it's no wonder considering what is often portrayed in movies, TV shows, the internet, and magazine articles. We grow up being surrounded by media that mixes Emotional Desire with arousal, causing all kinds of confusion, but that also portrays only one type of arousal...Sponateous arousal.
Spontaneous arousal is the instantaneous drive that shows up out of nowhere, and this is the type that most MEN experience... NOT most women. Then we run into the issue where women start to believe that they, too, are supposed to have this same type of spontaneous arousal, and start to feel like something is wrong with them when they don't.
Well, in today's episode, we are going to clear all of that up. While we will spend a minute or two on spontaneous arousal, we are going to spend most of our time understanding the beautiful arousal style that the majority of women experience... the Receptive and Responsive style. As we share the 6 categories of what contributes to this arousal, women can start to gain more confidence in owning their style without feeling they need to compromise it, change it, ignore it, or try to switch it for the men's. Each of these categories is like a petal on a flower... the Arousal Flower.
Before most of my live workshops, I often hand out an anonymous questionaire for people to fill out about their marriages and intimacy struggles. Without fail, challenges with communication always end up as one of the answers.
Have you ever wished communication was better between you and your spouse? If so, then this will be a fabulous episode for you! Listen in as we explore what it means when our communication becomes contaminated... with assumptions, negative thinking patterns, and blame. We will explore one of the most obvious red flags that can act as a signal to us... warning us that these toxic tactics could be slowly poisoning the communication in our marriage.
The good news is that there is a more effective way to communicate so that our messages don't get lost in the chaos. We will explore just one simple communication skill and share many examples of how to apply it in our marriage on an everyday basis. Do not underestimate how powerful this simple skill can be! Not only does it break down emotional barriers, it fosters better listening and compassion for one another. Being able to express and share more of yourself in this way is at the heart of what intimacy is all about.
Are you wondering if this episode is going to be about different sensual massage oils? Well, this particular episode is actually going to discuss how lowering stress fuels the fire inside, the fire of sensual desire. Lowering stress had such an amazing effect on me personally this week, that I knew we needed to share the amazing effect that happens naturally when we do this.
High stress is one of the main blockers to feeling a natural desire for intimacy. This is why being able to lower it is so valuable. As Nick and I worked together to lower stress, natural desire increased enough that it actually drove me to want to drive to a special adult store to buy some fun stuff, which is when we discovered this amazing oil.
This episode if for both husbands and wives, to really embrace the fabulous effects of working together to lower stress for the wife, and therefore making mental space for her to really start developing and tuning into this part of themselves. Today's conversation explores being able to think past traditional roles in order to create a vibrant marriage, inviting sensuality to blossom in the way mature adults are meant to do.
Did you ever consider that a fly swatter could be the source of so much happiness? Well, I had never considered it... until this past week. As I was tackling my list of things that needed to be done, a few pesky flies seemed to hover over me, and I became very annoyed.
In today's episode, I want to share with you some of the little blaming thoughts that were taking place that are related to these pesky flies, and also to my husband, Nick. What we may not realize is that these blaming thoughts, that sometimes sit on the back burners of our mind, may be having a negative effect on us as we wait around for "someone else," often our spouse, to attend to them and solve them.
This was the case for me and the pesky flies. Listen in on this funny and profound story to hear about the amazing effect that heightened Thought Awareness can bring into our lives, as it moves us forward to a place of taking action and having little victories. Do not underestimate the impact of these little victories. They feel amazing! And can give us the courage to continue pursuing even more of these little victories in our marriage and in our lives.
What does it mean to be "getting golden?" When we think of the word gold, we often think of the shiny metal. Gold is known to have kept its value over time, and is considered to be precious, vibrant, and of great worth.
So, what might happen if we were to approach our marriage in this same way, viewing it as something golden... something that is precious, vibrant, and of great worth? In today's episode, we are going to take a closer look at this word "golden" and discuss ways that the fall season can inspire us to become more golden, just like the leaves do when they change color. In life, there are many things that can distract us from activities that are precious, vibrant, and of great worth. And there are many distractions to keep us from becoming more golden.
The fall season can bring us many opportunities to reflect on our personal journey, allowing us to take a closer look at how we are changing during the different seasons of our life. As leaves reach their highest development and change, they become the most brilliant and magnificent to view. This will be the inspiration for this particular episode, as we challenge ourselves to become more fully developed in the way the think, the way we approach our self-care, and the way we connect to our spouse. How will you allow this fall season to bring more color and vibrancy into your personal life and marriage, and allow you to become more golden?
Human beings are created to be social. Wait, what? That's right! We are meant to have a social life and to interact with others. And today we are going to take a closer look at how our social life is a internal part of our personal development, as well as the development of ourselves as a couple.
Listen in on today's episode as we explore the beauties of creating a social life that adds value, meaningfulness, and FUN into our lives. As we define what it means to be social, we can start to expand what it means to connect with others while we increase our compassion for them and learn from them. Going on double dates with other couples is a great way to share our unique love story, listen to theirs, and reflect on what attracted us to our spouse in the first place, when the love started to blossom. Moments like these can really stir up such wonderful feelings between a couple.
Having our own social life on a personal level, in addition to the social life we have as a couple, expands who we are and is part of our growth. We are not meant to be alone, simply because it sometimes seems easier. Listen in today and see how you can add more FUN into your life each week as you focus on this important topic.
Did you know that there are some major fears that hold us back from achieving the things we want? These fears even show up in our relationships, and of course, even in our marriage. Having courage will help!
Listen in on today's episode where we take a deeper dive into courage, and how it's just a little bit different than being brave. We will discuss how our fears affect intimacy, first within ourselves, and then with our spouse... and how courage can help us navigate it. There is no need for fear to continue to hold us back. Let's start using the tips we discuss today to help us move forward and further our development.
There is an awesome communication tool that has been used by Native Americans for a long time, called The Talking Stick. I learned this technique almost 20 years ago during some of my classes required for the Marriage, Family, and Human Development degree.
It's a pretty simple technique, and it ensures that good listening techniques are being used, like not interrupting and reflecting. This helps to nurture communication that is both clear and uncontaminated, and to ensure that true understanding is taking place.
While I lay out the ground rules for using the talking stick, Nick shares a coaching principle that is vital to communication and developing a deeper love for one another.
Don't wait any more. There is no need to stay stuck in a communication trap any longer. Listen now to this week's episode to see just how quickly The Talking Stick can work!
When was the last time you called your spouse a Poopy-face or a Pickle-butt?
Probably not too recently. Name calling in our marriage may still show up, but perhaps it may sound different or the words may be more sophisticated.
Maybe we call our spouse a selfish pig, a lustful animal, or a cold-hearted prude. Maybe we call our spouse these things in our mind and never actually say the words. And maybe sometimes, we have just gotten to that point where we have resorted to name calling because we just don't know what else to do.
In today's episode, we will explore a state of functioning that is called Emotional Childhood, where we use the lower and less intelligent part of our brain (and tools) to manage what is happening in our lives. While we all start off our lives functioning from the place of Emotional Childhood, we are not meant to stay there... especially as adults.
Listen is as we explore how name calling puts us in a place where we are often betraying some important aspect of ourselves, or betraying a principle that we truly value. As we dive deeper into the definitions of name calling, we can challenge some of our hidden motives to put others in a bad light or attempt to control them in certain situations.
As we take the time to self-reflect and increase our self-awareness, we can then start to use the tools (such as asking ourselves Powerful Questions) that come from our higher brain, where problem solving can flow much easier. Which Powerful Questions will help you and your marriage the most this next week?
Today we are going to dive a little bit deeper into one of the many intimacies that can contribute to a more meaningful connection to our spouse, which is Affection. On a scale of 1-10, how would you rate YOUR level of affection towards your spouse?
In this episode, we will explore how Affection is defined in more detail so that husband and wife can be on the same page, and so that things are not left unclear about what affection looks like for each spouse. We will also explain that affection is separate and distinct from sexual touch, and has value that contributes to a deeper and more meaningful connection in and of itself.
We will also share a personal example that Nick and I faced this last week when things were going oh so very well, while we were expressing high levels of affection. But then, things took a turn, and did not go so well, as we misinterpreted and assumed some of the meanings of the affection. We share some of the problems that it led to, how if effected our intimacy, and what we did to get through it and how we came out better on the other side of it all.
Come and listen to the insights that can be gained when we challenge our own thoughts on affection.
In today's episode, we will explore one of the coaching principles from the High Performance Coaching Model that Nick has been trained in, which is Clarity. We will explore how clarity is related to light, bringing both the negative and the positive things of our lives into view. With a view that is not cloudy, chaotic, hazy, or overshadowed by the mists of darkness, we can more easily see how to make small little changes for big impact.
We will also explore how clarity, light, and being the salt of the earth are all connected and how these concepts relate to our relationships with others. We will dive even deeper into the two sides of salt and how both of these sides can help improve our marriage. During this portion, we explore the concept of "getting in the dirt" and how healing it can be to do so... not only on a personal level, but also with our spouse.
Many wives have a fear that their husband will have an affair. Many husbands have this exact same fear. Today, we are going to dive into some of the key take-aways from a book called "Anatomy of an Affair" by Dave Carder, to help us with this topic.
The author studied the elements that often lead up to an affair, and he outlines them in his book. Listen in, as we are going to list some of the things he suggests that we avoid thinking, feeling, and doing, in order to decrease our chances of an affair occurring. This list is not meant for us to become more critical of our spouse, or to accuse them of doing some of these things, or to assume they are having one.
The purpose of this list is to heighten our awareness... not of our spouse's behaviors, but of our own. What thoughts are we thinking? What feelings are we entertaining? What actions are we taking that might lead us down the path of having an affair? While we do list quite a bit of things we should NOT doing, we also list just as many things TO BE DOING, and ways to use our time, energy, and efforts to create a deeper connection with our spouse.
Nick takes over the podcast in this episode as he discusses a topic that he has quite a bit of insight on. His passion for living free has been close to his heart for many years. Are we just going through the motions of surviving in robotic fashion or are we really thriving? Listen in and see how it applies to you and your marriage today.
I'm guessing that most of us have heard the phrase "contention is of the devil." But why is that? Contention is different than disagreement, and understanding that difference can make a big difference.
In today's episode, we will talk about some of the main elements that make contention more damaging than disagreement and what we can do when we feel contention towards our spouse.
We will also explore three ways to communicate our own opinions that are different from our spouse's in a way that is healthy, respectful, and free from contention. We will finish up the episode by discussing the sad and far reaching effects of one couple's contention, and challenge ourselves to do better.
What will you stir up after listening to this episode? Contention or compassion? Choose wisely, as it will have a ripple out effect on your own family, and then others.
Remember the movie, "The Never-ending Story?" The Nothing destroyed relationships and hope through fear and despair. In this podcast, Nick talks about how to awaken from our paralyzed state of fear and worry about what others think about us and how to become free to act on what we know to be right and true, regardless of worldly consequences. Roar like a lion and help others do the same. This is how we conquer evil and suppression of our best selves. Love conquers all fear!
Anxiety is something that effects people all over the world. Many people have anxiety without even really knowing they have it. And some people think that their anxious thoughts are highly intelligent and very beneficial. Even people with major anxiety might not realize just how debilitating it is or just how much it is running their life.
Listen in on today's episode where we are going to dig a little deeper into what anxiety is, what it isn't, and what we can do about it. We will explore the 8 different types of anxiety disorders as defined in the most current Diagnostic and Statistical Manual for Mental Disorders (aka the DSM) and how they might show up in marriage.
I knew something different was going on with me starting at age twelve, and I discovered that it was anxiety. I have lived with anxiety for a very long time. In today's episode, I will share the most beautiful, and surprising, thing that helped me improve my anxiety significantly.
Did you know that there are two different styles of arousal? One is called Responsive Arousal which is what the majority of women experience. The other is Spontaneous Arousal which is what most men experience.
These two styles of arousal come about in different ways. And the goal of marriage is not to make them the same, but rather to come to a more complete understanding of the differences and to know how to work with the uniqueness of each.
This is where the senses come in. With my family having Covid for the past to weeks, and with me losing my sense of smell, I was reminded just how important our senses are, especially for those of us who experience Responsive Arousal. Listen in as we take a closer look at these two styles of arousal, how the senses play a role in feeling "sense-ational," and what we can do this week to ignite our emotions using our senses.
We all have some deep dark thoughts that we would never want to reveal to another, especially to our spouse. These are the thoughts that we would be embarrassed to share... the ugly thoughts and messy thoughts, and even the thoughts where we horriblize the love of our life, making them our enemy.
The most important question we need to ask ourselves is "what do we do when these thoughts show up?" In today's episode, Nick and I share some of the dark thoughts we have had ourselves in the past, how they were affecting us when left unchecked, and some of the thoughts that have been shared with us from our clients.
Listen in as we share one of the most powerful conversations we had that really opened up our eyes and understanding about how each of us experience our personal thoughts, and how Genuine Curiosity helped to bridge our hearts together in a way that is much more real and lasting.
Have you ever heard of a Dream Advocate? If not, you won't want to miss this episode. In today's podcast, Nick and Shellie will discuss the concept of having a Dream Advocate... and one that is dedicated to YOUR marriage. We all have hopes and dreams of what we want our marriage to become, and learning to apply life coaching skills with a Dream Advocate can help keep you on track to fulfill those dreams!
We will also explore one of the challenges that many people face as they attempt to improve marriage on their own. Even people with the best of intentions can find themselves facing this challenge, just like we did many years ago. We will explore why the concept of "exchanging lists" can be very frustrating, and why people still come to us for life coaching even after they have tried to use some of these well-intended methods.
Finally, we will be sharing just a little bit of insight into each of our unique coaching programs. Listen in as Nick shares some important key concepts that lay the groundwork for High Performance Coaching as well as how the term"High Performance" relates to marriage and intimacy. Shellie will then explain an important and insightful question from one of the first tools she uses with her clients, called a "Thought Download."
Everyone can gain something by asking themselves these initial questions! So, grab a pen and some paper and jot down a few notes... and consider what could become of your marriage, with us as your Dream Advocates!
What does it mean to be "in motion" in our marriage? This phrase comes from one of the definitions of the word agency. Our ability to make choices is key to how we are functioning in this world and how we are feeling about our life experience. When we are in the opposite mode, and being more passive in our lives, we find that we can easily fall into victim mentality and blame.
Listen in as we discuss one of the most famous couples in history, and how their blame led to a lack of clear communication. And don't most married couples want their communication to be more clear and effective? We may not even realize that not using our agency to its fullest capacity to empower our lives could be making our communication with our spouse more like a mist of darkness. Remember the purpose of the wise, ancient sage? They were also "in motion, " seeking to reach their full potential.
Nick will even share an experience we had earlier in the day where blame was quick to show up, how we used our agency to be mentally active and "in motion" in challenging those thoughts, and how quickly things turned around! Sometimes, improving our situation is not as challenging as we think it's going to be.
What is Dream Day? I had always envisioned that my husband, Nick, and I would work together one day, and that we would help improve marriages as we each shared our own unique skills. I mainly thought that this would happen far off in the distant future, after Nick had retired. With the latest state of the world and with all of the changes taking place, we both saw the opportunity to make this dream come true far earlier than we ever could have imagined. Dream Day is the day we realized this and made the decision to go for it!
Listen in as Nick and I discuss our WHY for joining forces. We each share our own journey to get to this point and the value we see in having both a wife's and a husband's perspective, who are BOTH Life Coaches... bringing even more knowledge and skills to this podcast. Isn't that amazing? Two life coaches from two different Life Coach institutions, coming together on the topic of marriage and intimacy!
In today's episode, we explore how these two powerhouse Life Coaching approaches can offer unique, yet synergistic, perspectives. Shellie became a certified life coach from "The Life Coach School" and Nick became a certified life coach through Brendon Burchard's "High Performance Coaching" program (aka Oprah's life coach :). Both of them are very well known and very well respected for their results.
And isn't this just like marriage? Two different people, with two different backgrounds and experiences, wanting to create something wonderful together. We will share what all of this means for the podcast moving forward. And we finally end by discussing some of the challenges we may encounter along the way, and why we hope to be able to be open about those throughout the episodes, so that anyone who is listening can hear how we use our life coaching techniques for real in our own lives.
This week, I am going to share with you a personal story of something amazing that happened when I found myself not really "in the mood" for intimacy. Now, while nothing really major or negative was taking place between my husband and myself, the level of my Emotional Desire was pretty low. But I wanted to share something amazing that happened, that turned things around so quickly!
Nick said about 4 sentences to me, and Thought Work came into play in a major way. Experiencing his Thought Work, as well as my own, had an awesome affect on my Emotional Desire, and I found that I got "in the mood" quicker than ever before! So quickly, in fact, that the rest of the fourth sentence didn't even matter. Listen in as I share these 4 sentences with you and why they had such an impact on desire and arousal.
Husbands, if you ever feel like you are in the dark when it comes to one of the major ingredients turning on your wife, I hope you will pay close attention to what Nick did that really helped turned things around. And for the women, I hope we will see just how powerful of an impact we can have in the life of our husband, and how our own efforts for personal development come around full circle, bringing more even more blessings into how we experience our relationship. And it can be so fun and exhilarating, to see when the fruits of our labors will show up, like little surprises along our road in life, reminding us that we are doing a good job!
It's been ONE YEAR since I started the "Restore Yourself. Restore Your Marriage" podcast!!! And today, we are going to celebrate. Creating something from scratch and sticking with it is a form of devotion and dedication, much like marriage is. And just like I am involved in the spirit of commitment and devotion, so are you!!!
In today's episode, I am going to share three of the main lessons I have learned by starting this podcast and its impact on my own life and how it can impact yours, as well. These three lessons can be very valuable when it comes to the attitude and mindset we have towards our spouse, intimacy, and marriage as a whole. They touch on the ideas of our mindset, how we spend some of our free time, and a totally healthy expectation for our relationship.
We will address the need for putting our mental health as a priority, and how life coaching skills can help with that. In today's world, this is something that can no longer be neglected. Life coaching is a form of self-respect and self-care, and can even take our spirituality to the next level. Finally, I will share one of the most beautiful and unexpected blessings that have come from doing this, and how much I treasure it.
Have you ever felt guilty about how you're doing as a spouse, a parent, an employee or friend? Guilt is one of those sneaky emotions that can creep in and do quite a bit of damage if left unchecked. In today's episode, we will explore some of the other negative emotions that often tag along with guilt, teaming up to cause confusion inside of our brain. And all too often, we are making important adult decisions from this place of guilt, which is not an ideal place to be making our decisions in life. Listen in as we explore how guilt shows up on a holiday where mothers are supposed to be celebrated, how it shows up in our parenting, and how it shows up in our marriage and intimacy. I even share a personal story of how I experienced guilt at its worst, and what it can turn into when left unattended. Adulting is hard enough. Let's make sure we don't let guilt take hold of the steering wheel and drive all of the actions we are taking.
Have you ever just wished that your spouse would change? Have you ever wished that things could just magically be fixed? Well, in today's episode, we are going to explore a beautiful phenomena that occurs when we simply work on fixing just one thing. All too often we leave our relationship on auto-pilot and then wonder why things aren't going the way we had hoped. We even get trapped in thinking that our spouse is the one that needs to do all of the changing and all of the fixing of things... or that there are just so many things that need fixing. And we for sure get trapped in our own comfort zone. Listen in on today's episode where we explore even more traps that we may sometimes find ourselves in and how it prevents us from really being able to "fix" things. You may even find out which Imagine Dragons song inspired the topic for this episode. And you won't want to miss the fun and exciting news at the end :).
3 - 2 - 1, and blast off! This is the launching episode for my new video course called "Adventures with the Holy Ghost." Don't you just love that title? Most people would never put the words 'adventure' together with the Holy Ghost. But what happens when we do? The possibilities are endless as well as amazing! As a life coach, I am trained to be able to find the unintentional thinking patterns that often hold us back from accomplishing the things we want to in our lives, even when it comes to the relationship we have with the Holy Ghost.
And over the years, I have heard so many of the thoughts that have held people back from being able to develop the kind of relationship they really want to have with the Holy Ghost. The list of reasons why it's not where they want it to be, seems to go on and on. But that is why this course is so valuable.
Listen in as I describe how this course came to be while I was out to lunch with a friend. In this episode, I will explain why a course like this is important in today's world, why it's important for our marriage, and then some of the fun details and adventures that are included. Have you ever heard of the Land of Spiritual Childhood, Mount Temper Tantrumus, The Peculiar Pie Shop, Thought Balloons, and the portals that give us crazy fast access to the Holy Ghost? Well, you're about to.
Developing a closer relationship with the HolyGhost can truly be an adventure and each person who takes this course will be challenged to develop this relationship in a deeper and more meaningful way, using the life coaching skills that are interwoven throughout each and every lesson. Don't miss out... your own adventure can start right away!
If you want to enroll in the video course "Adventures with the Holy Ghost," click on the following link, create a membership account, pay the $27 for the course, and an email will be sent to you with the password to access it. It's that simple. What will you discover on your adventure?
https://shellieandersonlifecoach.com/product/adventures-with-the-holy-ghost/
We have all done it from time to time. We have all held a grudge. Sometimes they don't last very long, and other times they may have lasted several years. We may even be holding a grudge against someone right now, at this very moment. How does that feel and show up in our bodies? How does that show up in our marriage and intimacy? The stress that comes when we are holding onto the resentment and anger from events of the past, can take a lot of the energy that we may want to be using for something more fun and exciting. When we put forth real effort to improve our relationships, we end up improving our own personal life during the process. Listen in as we discuss a few of the signs that show us that we may still be holding onto a grudge, how to challenge our thinking about them, and the best remedy we can give ourselves, as well as to our spouse and our marriage.
This past week, my husband and I celebrated 19 years of marriage! Traditional gift giving lists tell us that we should give each other gifts of jade. But we did not have this expectation of each other. Unfortunately, many of us have very specific expectations in our mind of how these milestone celebrations "should" go, and then we feel angry when they don't. This often creates feelings of resentment, and feeling misunderstood or uncared for on these special days, which is probably the opposite of how we wanted to feel. So, what are we to do? Listen in as I describe the story of our anniversary celebration, what we did and didn't do, and how taking empowered action can create fabulous feelings early on in our day, adding to the excitement, long before the anniversary celebrations even begin.
We have all seen the scaffolding that surrounds a building when it's being constructed. We sometimes even get a chance to see the bare bones of what makes the building strong and able to withstand the storms it will have to endure. And it's interesting that we never expect an unfinished building to be able to cover us when its raining or shield us from the strong winds, because we acknowledge that it is still under construction and incomplete, and cannot perform at its best under those conditions. And yet, when it comes to our marriage and intimacy, we often expect that our spouse comes fully equipped to handle all of life's challenges and able to make us happy once we have said "I do." And then, we find that we are mad at them when they can't perform, even though they are still far from complete. Listen in on today's episode where we talk about how to view our marriage as "under construction," and the relief we can find as we start to think about intimacy as a lovely work in progress, in need of creativity, artistry, and design... because our Heavenly Father is not done working with us just yet, nor is He done building us up.
Do we ever think that our spouse acts in ways that are less than mature? If so, then this episode is for you. Listen in as we discuss how maturity is defined and see how we measure up. We will explore the many ways that these definitions can give us clarity on how WE are being mature, or less than mature, when it comes to the way we are thinking, feeling, reacting, and behaving. Are WE approaching our spouse in ways that are mature? We will explore three simple ways to increase our own level of maturity. And do you know what the best part about that is? The more engaged you are in expanding your own skills, the more opportunities you end up giving your spouse to do the same. ..all without having to try to force them to do so. It's a total win-win!
Do you know the signs of being jealous of your spouse? This is not something we usually think about or even realize may be at work, slowly sabotaging our marriage. In today's episode, we will explore two clues of jealousy so that we will know how to recognize it, and then intervene when it shows up. We will discover how the words covet, envy, and jealousy are connected and then consider that the commandment to not covet is a caring and considerate preventative measure, allowing us to keep our relationships on solid ground. And finally, we will end with a beach story of me and my sister-in-law, both faced with the same situation at different times, and the results that came to each of us as we handled things in two very different ways. Listen in as I explain the beauty of what I observed in her decision, the deep impression it had on me, and how it forever changed the way I now look at similar situations for the future. Thanks, sis!
Have you ever felt like your spouse was just too moody? Have you ever felt like your spouse's mood had too much of a negative effect on you? Well if so, you won't want to miss this episode. Listen in as we discuss how moodiness is defined, the good and the bad, the negative and the positive. And just maybe, moodiness will start to cross your mind in a whole new way. Challenge your own thoughts on how moodiness effects you and your marriage and decide now how you want to handle it moving forward.
What do you do when you know you have some habits or quirks that really seem to bother other people, especially your spouse? We all have pet peeves that we find annoying with each other. But it's important to remember that these little annoyances are just that... little, and minor in the big scheme of things. Knowing how to handle these little annoyances can add up to feeling a lot better about your marriage. Today, I will share with you how my popcorn eating habits annoyed other people, including my husband, and how a conversation with a friend about pet peeves helped me see that we don't have to give up some of these minor things to make the relationship work, especially things like eating popcorn. Listen in as I share a simple and fun technique that is full of respect and love, while still maintaining the freedom to be yourself.
Have you ever been bugged by something your spouse does? On my family's latest road trip across Texas, I was reminded of something my husband does that has bothered me every time we start off on a long adventure. Leaving this unaddressed in the past has just led me to feeling negative for the first few hours of the trip. But this time, I decided to let love lead the way and seek genuine understanding of this particular mannerism. Listen in as I explain the 3 steps we can take to approach these little pet peeves with a sense of wonder and how it can contribute to a natural desire to feel closer to our spouse.
What do we do when anger shows up in our marriage? Do we handle ourselves in a way that is mature enough to allow our relationship to continue growing, even when we are feeling angry? When we feel the emotion of anger, we often react, or overreact, in a way that we later regret. Sometimes, our reactions even add a layer of hostility to the relationship, where we actually seek to hurt one another, keeping us stuck in a negative cycle. And when the notion that something has "gone terribly wrong" in our marriage simply because anger has shown up, we may find that we push anger down and bottle it up, afraid to feel it at all. But today's episode will invite us to dig a little deeper and to strive for a higher way of managing it. Listen in to discover how to better navigate our anger from a life coaching perspective, allowing us to level up in a surprisingly deep and personal way.
It's the beginning of a brand new year, and this is when we seem to hear quite a bit about making new year's resolutions and setting goals. And then we find that by the end of January we have already left them behind. Many times this is simply because we are missing a few key ingredients to creating an awesome goal with greater staying power. Listen in on today's episode where we will discuss why adding Massive Action to your marriage and couples' goals could make all of the difference. We will also review to SMART goal making system that helps us set up goals that are attainable and measurable. And finally, we will discuss the value of addressing the specific obstacles that have stopped you from accomplishing your goals in the past and what you can do about it. What do you want your marriage to look like one year from now? Let's get to work on that with these key components involved, and get to reaching those goals!
I think it's safe to say that the year 2020 challenged everyone in their own way. With so many changes and uncertainty, we all tried to manage the covid world the best that we could. And now that we are headed into the new year, we have a chance to reflect on how we did and how we showed up. With this type of reflection in mind, we also get a chance to take what we learned and apply it moving forward. In today's episode, listen in as we explore 3 lessons learned from 2020, and the responsive 3 marriage skills that can help us better prepare for some of the future bumps in the road with more confidence! Let's start 2021 right!
This particular episode is in celebration of a special trifecta... the Winter Solstice, a Bethlehem Star, and yes, my birthday :). Listen in as I share a few different ideas about how people all over the world celebrate the special energy of the solstice, where the longest night of the year brings new opportunities to appreciate both the light and the dark in all that is around us. As we explore the composition of stars and how they are different than black holes, we can learn how to radiate and shine more brightly in our own lives. The light that shines from within us as we grow and progress can have an amazing effect on our spouse and our marriage, with the benefits showing up in beautiful and unexpected ways. Take advantage of this unique time in history and get inspired to be renewed before the new year begins.
Listen in on today's episode where are going to explore the four different categories we move information about ourselves into. We will dive into the concept of the Open Self and the Blind Self that come from the book "Messages" that helps us understand ourselves better so that we can communicate more effectively. The more we understand how we are living from the Hidden Self and the Blind Self, the more we can start to move the information we discover about how we function in this world into the category of the Open Self, which is where intimacy can become even deeper. Listen in to discover one of the traps many people fall into when it comes to doing our own personal work and wanting our spouse to do their work as well. And finally we will discuss three levels of communication that will lead us to communicating more openly and more effectively in our marriage.
Today we are going to explore an exquisite little Christmas book called "A Rare Nativity," by Sam Beeson. This book is similar to the famous carol of The 12 Days of Christmas, but with a fascinating twist. Listen in on how this book can inspire us to look inward and self reflect, and how we can apply some of the lessons to our marriage. As we go through this episode, I will share a recent experience where I got mad at my husband pretty quickly in the middle of an enjoyable family event. Find out how this story inspired me turn things around for the better!
The Christmas season is upon us. This busy time of year can sometimes have us feeling a bit stressed out, and we may find it easy to lash out at our spouse as stressors start to pile up. But as we take the nativities out and start to decorate our homes, we can look to the magi, or the wisemen, for a few examples of some gifts that could really make a difference in our lives and in our marriage. But these are not the obvious gifts that we have grown up learning about... these are the more subtle and hidden gifts, the non-tangible and non-material gifts, which they offer to us as an example of gifts we can give ourselves, our spouse, and our marriage during this special time of the year.
Cue the music, "Cherish the Love" by Kool and the Gang from the 80's. This is the song that was constantly on my mind as I was working on this particular episode about what it means to cherish our spouse and our marriage. Listen in as we discuss the two main categories that cherishing happens. As we take the time this week to really ponder on the wonderful things our spouse has said or done in the past, we can store and treasure those memories in a special place in our mind, and keep them safe from unexpected attacks, anchoring our marriage. Learn how cherishing our spouse not only led to happiness in moments of the past, but how it can bring happiness to us again in the present, and even again in the future!
There are a lot of different messages being put out in the world today. A celebrity's t-shirt caught my eye recently because it had the phrase "Blame Everyone" in bold letters written across the front. We all face hard times and go through our challenges. And we all suffer, as well. Sadly, when blame is our go-to, it keeps us as the victim if no one else makes the changes we are seeking. And this is a very disempowering way to live. But what if we choose to use our higher brain, and try to take the higher road of compassion in our marriage instead... compassion for our own suffering and compassion for the suffering of our spouse. Now this can make quite a difference. Listen in as I share two personal experiences that have to do with compassion and how they changed both me, personally, and my marriage for the better!
Buckle up everyone, the holiday season is quickly approaching. This is the time of year that most of us really look forward to and anticipate with excitement throughout the months. But along with all of the excitement, a great deal of stress can come with it. With so much that we want to accomplish, it can be easy to feel overwhelmed. Listen in on today's episode to discover 4 areas to focus on that can help relieve some of the stress. And we know that too much stress can make it challenging for us to feel close to our spouse and loved ones. Discover how focusing on these 4 areas this week, can help set you up for success on the big day, and may even having you feeling good enough to want to play footsies with your spouse under the Thanksgiving table!
Have you ever heard the expression of having two left feet when it comes to dancing? Well, in today's episode we are going to explore what this expression means and how it applies to our marriage and to intimacy. We will discuss what happens in our marriage when we operate with two metaphorical left feet, leaving us in a position of where we can more easily stumble and become unbalanced. We will always be faced with new situations in marriage that will trigger us to think and feel a certain way about our spouse. But hopefully after listening to today's episode, you will be able to handle them with far more elegance, refinement, and grace.
When our brain is running on autopilot, it can end up focusing on thoughts that are not so beneficial to our marriage. If we are not careful, these types of thoughts that lack faith will be the driving force of the actions we take, which will shape what our marriage looks like in the future. These are not the actions that will bring us the results we are longing for in our relationship. But the good news is that we can make a shift and change our thinking to faith-filled thoughts. We can do this on purpose and deliberately. As we fill our mind with more of these fabulous faith-filled thoughts, we will start to change our marriage for the better. Listen is as we explore a part of the famous book "Think and Grow Rich" by Napoleon Hill, as we dive into what he has to say about faith being a huge part of our success in life.
In today's episode, we are going to explore the concept of romance and how it affects our arousal. While many husbands often think that"romance is too much work," the wives are often thinking something similar, wondering why they should have to do all the work, as they long for romance to spark their arousal. But as we shift our thinking just a little bit, both husband and wife can challenge themselves to look at romance with a new perspective. Listen in as we explore some of the aspects of romance, like gazing into each others eyes, that can really help spark the type of arousal that most women want to experience. I even share a story of how some of my senses really came into play unexpectedly at The French Laundry, which had me fully aroused long before the meal was over.
Since the last episode was called "Dealing with a Difficult Spouse, part 2," Nick had actually joked that I should call today's episode "MY Difficult Spouse." Funny guy. People often ask me about certain episodes of the podcast and quickly follow up with these two questions: "Does Nick know you talked about that?" and "Is he ok with it?" Today, I answer those questions by asking him directly. Listen in as Nick shares his perspectives and experiences as a husband, and what it's like being on the other side of someone who is using Life Coaching skills to do their own Thought work. He shares many of his thoughts on the reality of married life, the value of not forcing change, the importance of spirituality, and the ripple effect Life Coaching concepts have had on intimacy, our marriage, and on him. This is a longer episode, totally unscripted and unedited, but totally worth the listen. Enjoy!
We all have times when we feel our spouse is difficult. This episode is the second part of this topic, which was also covered in Episode #3. It is not always easy to see how we fall into the traps of viewing our spouse as a challenge and how it holds us back from the feelings we really want to experience in our marriage. Listen in as we go into some specific examples of what happens to us on a personal level when we continue to do this and how to stop viewing our spouse as the problem that needs to be fixed. We will even explore how a few teachings from last weekend's General Conference can be applied to our marriage and intimacy.
We see a lot of people getting easily offended these days. This can happen in marriage as well. We hear something that our spouse says and view it as a criticism. This may make our blood boil and want to fire back with a criticism of our own. But what if we learned to respond in a way that is much more mature and shows that we are not being defensive? We do so by looking for that one little drop of truth in what they are saying. We can all do that. Our spouse may be surprised by our new and mature response, which just might give them the space they need to reflect inward as well. Listen in as I give you a list of over twenty possible responses to criticism and see which one you like the best.
Have you ever thought of yourself as the good spouse and your other half as the bad spouse? Sometimes this will show up in how you view them when it comes to intimacy. Listen in on today's episode as we discuss just a little bit about the science behind the chemical dopamine. All life coaches from The Life Coach School learn about this important neurotransmitter and how it works in our brain, especially in the brain-to-body system. Dopamine is a primary component in pleasure seeking and motivation, and therefore a primary component in our desire, or lack of desire, for intimacy. If you have ever wondered about your own desire, or your spouse's desire, for intimacy, you won't want to miss this!
In today's episode, we will explore one of the twenty different types of intimacy, Personal Intimacy, from a Life Coaching point of view. Now, this might not mean what you think it might mean. Personal Intimacy has to do with being familiar with your own deepest thoughts and feelings about intimacy. Many people do not know themselves in this way, and sometimes even avoid doing so. This also has to do with knowing your deepest wants for intimacy, knowing how your style of emotional desire is defined, as well as your physical arousal. Knowing ourselves in this way is some of the most personal work we can be involved in. As we dive into the meaning of the word "personal," we will also explore Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs and how it relates to us individually. After listening to today's episode, how will you rate your level of Personal Intimacy on a scale of 1-10?
Have you ever felt like something was missing from the intimacy you experience with your spouse? This happens to all of us at some point or another. But what is it that's missing? It can often seem like a mystery! If we find ourselves blaming our spouse for what we think is missing, then this podcast is for you. The missing ingredient is... probably not what you think. It's a much deeper connection that we sometimes overlook. Listen in as we explore what this mysterious missing ingredient is and challenge yourself to get it back to the forefront of intimacy.
Just like sports teams don't usually win with only defensive strategies, life is very much the same. But living life and experiencing marriage can start to feel exhausting if we are mainly using defensive tactics. When we are on the defense, we are constantly trying to make up or regain lost ground. We may even feel more frustration piling on, like we aren't moving forward, even though we are investing quite a bit of time and effort into the relationship. The way we can start to correct this is by making a switch in how we use our time and by using the creative and energetic strategies that come from the position of the offense. Listen in to see if you can identify which strategies you are currently using and how to make a change. Perhaps these are the very skills needed to get a slam dunk in your marriage!
Do you remember the game Hide and Go Seek? As adults, we play this game more with our emotions than we do physically. We try to run and hide from emotions we think might be too scary or overwhelming for us and we hope they never find us. We push back against them, going to great lengths to keep them far away. But this usually just leads to an anxious build up of the negative emotions, and we can become exhausted trying to keep them at bay. Listen in on today's episode to find out what to do with our emotions and how to use our seeking side to our advantage. If you want to learn how to feel better, then this is the episode for you!
Does it ever seem impossible to feel joy in the middle of complete chaos? It might seem like a stretch to even try to imagine it. Last week, school started... COVID style. Three of my kids are doing distance learning from home and the other two are being homeschooled. So, you could say that things have been a little chaotic. Add some strong personalities to the mix and joy seemed completely out of reach. Listen in as I get honest about being a hot mess in the beginning of it all and how I turned it around to feel joy. If I can do this, so can you!
We have all faced hard times and challenges in our past. Many of us have struggled in relationships that were not as healthy as they could have been. And while we have physically moved on from those past experiences, we may find that the thought of them creeps back in from time to time. What then? Listen in as we explore how to keep those old negative thoughts from robbing us of current happiness. Not only will it help us in the present moment, but it will also help us create what we want for our future.
Have you ever found yourself more on edge with your spouse, even though what was going on in that moment didn't really warrant it? This happens all the time, especially when unresolved stress from one area of our lives trickles down into the others. If we don't know how to intervene, we can find ourselves in a negative cycle that just keeps going and going, effecting all of the areas of our lives, with more and more stress. I don't know about you, but that does not sound like fun to me! Listen in to learn about one simple strategy that can get you feeling empowered again, so that you can send awesome ripples out into your marriage and into your family.
What does it mean to have a pioneering spirit, and how does it apply to marriage? Listen in as we define some of the awesome and creative attributes of what it means to be a pioneer in the world we live in today. When we decide to be the trailblazers in our marriage, we can start to tap into the courageous side of ourselves as we challenge some of the negative thoughts we may have about our spouse. By listening to this episode, you will do as the pioneers did... explore new territory, although it may be the territory of your own thinking processes.
Have you ever felt like there was too much to do? You you ever felt like you have just run out of energy too quickly? If so, then this episode is for you. As a mother of 5 kids, I can totally relate. But today we are going to explore a resource of energy that just might come as a total shock. This hidden energy source can be a total game changer, especially if you ever find yourself thinking that you are "just too tired" to be intimate. Listen in to find out where to find this hidden source and how to activate it in your life.
Have you ever gone through a dry spell in your marriage, when intimate activities came to a halt for a while? Have you found that during those times you were thinking negatively about your spouse and about yourself? Not to worry. This is totally normal and it happens to the best of us. Listen in as we discuss 4 things we can learn when we go through a dry spell so that we can be better equipped to reduce them in the future.
Today's episode will be just a little bit different. As we are just coming out of Independence Day weekend and celebrating our freedoms, I am going to tell you the story of how my husband and I met and fell in love... and how celebrating independence can be a reminder of marriage. I get asked about our love story quite often and it's a story I love to tell. Listen in to find out why I cried in an Applebee's restaurant and how it turned out to be an awesome experience.
Communication seems to be a big topic when it comes to marriage. There is no doubt that communicating effectively can be a challenge for many of us. Join me in this week's episode where we will explore the awesome tool of using a scale to help us articulate in a way that's clear and simple. This effective tool is not complex, and can easily be used in many different areas of our lives including food choices, movie preferences, business projects, and possible vacation spots, just to name a few. We can use the communication scale in conversations with our extended family, our children, and with our spouse. As you listen, you will see just how quickly you will be able to start using this amazing communication tool, starting today!
As a way to celebrate Father's Day, I thought it would be fun to look at the first man on planet earth, Adam, and see if we could find any similarities to the popular superheroes of today's blockbuster movies. We often see superheroes as having great strengths and abilities that seem far beyond human capacities. But as we take a deep dive into what power really is, we discover that Adam has real power too, it just may look different than what we might have thought. Listen in as we discuss the seven super powers that can be found from Adam and Eve's story and see if we can find a way to celebrate those powers in our own husband!
Have you ever felt like you were avoiding a particular discussion in your marriage because you thought you might get rejected? Have you ever said yes to doing something simply because you thought that if you said no, you might get rejected? In marriage, our fear of being rejected can play out in many different ways. Why does it have such a hold on us? In this episode we will take a look at the real definition of what it means to reject something to see how it can change how we think about it. As we allow its true definition to shine through and stay in the forefront of our mind, we can work through it with more ease and curiosity as it leads us to a deeper level of intimacy. As I share a personal story from my own marriage, we discuss 4 steps that can help you work through the moment of rejection as well as the beautiful truths that came out through the process.
If you could rate the amount of fun and adventure you are having in your marriage right now, on a scale of 1-10, how would you rate it? As a life coach, I love to ask my clients this question. Sadly, the number is usually on the low side. In this episode, we discuss a few of the traps couples fall into when it comes to feeling like the fun is missing and what to do about it. As we dive into the meaning of the word adventure, we start to expand our vision of what it means to face new obstacles together, be vulnerable together, and trust each other in new and exciting ways. Take the challenge in this episode to put a little more fun and adventure back into your marriage, which can lead to more fun and adventure in the bedroom as well.
Have you ever thought that preparing ourselves for intimacy could be a thing, or that it could be helpful? What would that even look like? In this episode, we will look at the two parts of the word pre-pare to further expand our understanding of what that process might look like and unlock some deeper applications for intimate lives. Listen to the Parable of the Mango to see how the process of preparing can make an important difference.
There is a lot of talk these days about influence and influencers. But how does influence work in marriage and intimacy? In this episode, we will explore the definition of influence to broaden its capacity to enrich our lives. There are a few common pitfalls that many couples fall into when they are trying to influence their spouse. We explore how to get out of those traps and how genuine influence can spark our desire for intimacy. Husbands and wives, be sure to listen to this call to action to be able to really tap into the potential for influence on intimacy!
How do you define intimacy? In this episode, we will take a look at the many definitions of intimacy so that our awareness of it can expand our approach to it. As we explore the Latin roots of the word intimacy, we will start to see just how much our mind is involved in the experience. We will also discuss a few of the traps couples fall into with intimacy. As we read a scripture about Adam and Eve, we will embark on a little journey of asking new questions that can inspire us to expand our ideas on intimacy in marriage. At the end of the episode, we will hear a few of the many types of intimacy that will be further explored in future episodes. You won't want to miss the beauty of defining intimacy!
This episode is a tribute to Eve, the mother of all living, and to all mothers and women as we celebrate Mother's Day. I love the story of Eve, and love to talk about what she felt in the garden of Eden as she sat pondering about the fruit of the tree of knowledge. The story in the Bible talks about Eve's thoughts and feelings. Interestingly, the feeling that Eve describes is the same feeling that many of my clients say they are missing. But her emotion does not just come from thin air. It comes from within herself. Eve follows the same pattern that I teach my clients with Life Coaching. If you have ever wondered how to feel more desire for intimacy, listen to this episode to find out what sparked that desire in Eve and see what this perspective can spark for you.
When we are faced with a challenge in intimacy, it can be very easy to blame our spouse. We often turn to blame in an effort to avoid facing something within ourselves that may be in need of our attention. In this episode, we will look at some of the ways that we view our spouse as the one who makes it difficult for us to be happy with how we experience intimacy. We will also explore the many sides of ourselves that need to be balanced, how to communicate what we are experiencing, and how a scripture in Genesis can help us along the way.
In my Life Coaching practice, I have found that many clients struggle with how they think things "should" be when it comes to intimacy. When they are faced with a challenge and find that things are not going as they "should be" in reality, they often think that something has gone majorly wrong. But what if nothing has gone wrong at all? What if how things are going is exactly how they are supposed to be going so you can start to understand more about yourself? This episode will talk about some of the assumptions that can hold us back from enjoying intimacy for all that it could be.
In the first episode of the podcast "Restore Yourself. Restore Your Marriage," you will hear how life coach, Shellie Anderson, approaches the topic of marriage and intimacy. You will learn why Shellie loves life coaching, the benefits of it, and how she hopes to teach you some of the life coaching skills to help you navigate your own struggles with intimacy. She also talks about the importance of keeping spiritual morals in tact while trying to tackle the difficult topic of intimacy. She talks about a few of her own struggles with it earlier on in her marriage and how we sometimes get caught in thinking patterns that are not beneficial. She also stresses that this work can be effective if done alone or with your spouse, and that doing this personal work can bring you more feelings of empowerment. This podcast is for both wives and husbands.