Nobody Talks Shidduchim: Recent Episodes

Nobody Talks Shidduchim

It’s a subject that not too many want to hear or discuss. Nobody Talks Shidduchim is a podcast for those who are facing a true challenge in American Jewish dating. Did we scare you yet? Here you are not alone. There are so many others struggling in Shidduchim and it’s time us singles has a voice for it! Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/shidduchim/support

100: Our Very Last Show - The End Part 2 - Everybody Talks Jewish Matchmaking

Nobody Talks Shidduchim Podcast (2019 - 2023)

Thank you to our amazing listeners!

IJ (Izak) and Avery (Avigdor) retire after 4 years. They discuss Netflix's Jewish Matchmaking. It’s a big one folks! Izak and Avigdor pull down the curtain, it’s not goodbye son, it’s I’ll see ya later.
1) Avigdor Wolf as Avery
2) Shevi Lipschitz as Rosie
3) Fagie Strom as Paige
4) Avromi Meyer as Rabbi AY
5) Yona & Chani Laster as The Lasters

6) Ahuva Shandelman as Holy Shid

7) Izak J. Held as IJ

Guest Cast:
1) Yona Laster
2) Chani Laster
3) Devora Kahan aka Miss D
4) Shevi Lipschitz
5) Faige Strom
6) Avromi Meyer
7) Rachel Vaynberg
8) Holy Shid aka Ahuva Shandelman
9) Cousin Malc aka Michael Max
10) Serena aka Rikki Yarmish
11) Alexis aka Blimi
12) Tamar
13) Lakewood Michal
14) Lakewood Tami
15) Felix
16) Shlomo from Nashville

17) Missy aka Samantha

18) Emm aka Malya

19) JoJo aka Isaac Nahon

20) Yosef Feldman

.

shidduchim #jewishmatchmaking #shadchan #jewish #jewishdating #choson #chatan #Kallah #simchas #mazaltov #mazeltov #shaitels #sheitals #yeshiva #podcast #monsey #simchas #weddings #jewishweddings #datingpodcast #jewishlife #5Towns #jewishpodcast #shadchanit #modestfashion #jewishfashion #jewishlife #shabbos #kosher #kosherfood #kosherfoodie #tznius #singlesevents

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After 4 years of talking shidduchim, Izak and Avigdor retire.

Our goal is to help guys and girls navigate the 2023 American Jewish dating scene aka #Shidduchim.
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shidduchim #shiduchim #shadchan #jewish #jewishdating #jewishmatchmaking #choson #chatan #Kallah #simchas #yiddish #mazaltov #mazeltov #shaitels #sheitals #yeshiva #podcast #monsey #rocklandcounty #simchas #weddings #jewishweddings #matches #jewishlife #5Towns #jewishpodcast #shadchanit #modestfashion #jewishfashion #jewishlife #shabbos #kosher #kosherfood #kosherfoodie #fashion #tznius #shadchanim

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Episode #98: Myths of Marriage (ft. Ahuva Shandelman LCSW aka Holy Shid) & Return of The Shid Queen and AveryEver think it’s all going to be solved after you tie the knot? Well the good news is that a bunch of it is but the journey doesn’t stop there. NTS co-host & Holy Shid creator Ahuva Shandelman leads us in Shidduch Conjugation. 1) Thoughts about Gedale Fenster Shabbaton2) Myths singles have about of marriage3) What happens when (older) singles finally tie the knot4) The work we can do to have better relationships w self and others5) There’s the you do you and I do me philosophy, but when you’re married, a big chunk of ourselves are committed to our spouses. So what percentage should be us? What percentage should be left to The you do you, and I do me philosophy? 80/20? 50/50?6) Types of Therapy for Jewish Singles7) What's all the Psychedelic talk about... should I try it?!.#shidduchim #shiduchim #shadchan #jewish #jewishdating #choson #chatan #Kallah #simchas #yiddish #mazaltov #mazeltov #shaitels #sheitals #yeshiva #podcast #monsey #rocklandcounty #simchas #weddings #jewishweddings #matches #jewishlife #5Towns #jewishpodcast #shadchanit #modestfashion #jewishfashion #jewishlife #shabbos #kosher #kosherfood #kosherfoodie #fashion #tznius #shadchanim --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/shidduchim/messageSupport this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/shidduchim/support

97 - How To Plan Your Travel (ft. Shlomo From Nashville)In this episode we discuss the minutia‘s of traveling as well as Jewish singles trying to arrange trips.We have all tried to get away for the weekend or take a lavish vacation and when we were younger this was one of the easiest things to do because family is just a text away and friends are just roaming everywhere you go. But as we get older, friends dwindle down and family just isn’t the exact kind of people you want to go to Tahiti with you realize that getting away is costly and time consuming. In this episode the crew will go through the entire process of how you can budget and get away to the ultimate fun Jewish singles destination!1) How to explain the response from most people “what? You went there? There’s kosher? There’s what to do?2) Flight or Drive?3) Why do all shidduch daters go to Miami Beach?4) Where do Jewish singles go for vacation?5) Tell us your travel destination secrets!6) We always see women in big crews, are they all really friends?7) At what point do you stop bunking up?--- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/shidduchim/messageSupport this podcast: https://anchor.fm/shidduchim/support

Ever have a role model growing up? We all look to someone as a person that we can strive to be. In high school it may be the senior when you are a freshman. In camp it may be your counselor when you are a camper. Or in yeshiva it could be a Morah or Rabbi of yours. In this episode we discuss role models, and what they mean to you and your life. Paige and Nechama join IJ in this episode.1) What is a role model?2) Can siblings be a role model?3) Are we dealing with a generation that was raised to resent their role models?4) Jewish versus non-Jewish role models5) When role models "go off the rails" what to do?--- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/shidduchim/messageSupport this podcast: https://anchor.fm/shidduchim/support

Today’s episode focuses on the topics of mental health and depression. We chat with David Izso who is the host of dont worry bout it podcast and a shidduch dater.1) Mental Health 1012) Symptoms of Mental Health3) If you struggle with Mental Health, how do you know if you are in an okay place to date someone?4) How do you know if you should still date them despite Mental Health, anxiety or depression?5) What to do if your partner is depressed and you are choosing to support them?6) How to move through depression in dating?--- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/shidduchim/messageSupport this podcast: https://anchor.fm/shidduchim/support

94 - Bachelor Party Bitachon

So the main man is getting married and it’s happening, the big wedding day that everyone’s excited about. But now it’s time to throw the bachelor party. What can you do as an Orthodox Jew doing a bachelor party? Are there limits to the fun you can have? What is a Jewish bachelor party like? Yosef, Eliyahu & Shua/Jared join IJ in this episode.

1) when you’re younger, everyone comes to the bachelor party, when you’re older, it’s a different story
2) Here’s why you want rich friends
3) Do all guys just go to the steakhouse and then the Cigar Lounge?
4) Is the bride allowed at the bachelor party?
5) Is a bachelorette party a thing in the Jewish community?
6) What if there’s beef between some of the groomsmen?
7) I know what if certain guys can’t pay or afford to chip in to cover the group?
8) What if it’s one of these three day luxurious trips?
9) Ranking shidduch dates from Michigan, Maryland, Florida, California, Minnesota, Illinois & Israel

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Enter The Meta-Shidduch-Verse: What It Was Like To Be Married For The DayTHE SHIDDUCHVERSE aka Multiverse:IJ and Avery enter the meta-verse...After opening up a magical box of Latkes on Chanukah...In the universe of Westeros IJ and Avery have different lives.In this alternative reality IJ is a stay at home Dad (with a cool haircut home biz), married to a beautiful women he met on his 5th shidduch date experience. His wife Darla, actually joins the podcast to preach her Shidduch take. Avery is a comedic writing tycoon, married to Olga, a rich Russian Oligarch's daughter, attorney and currently spends his fat alimony checks (from his first wife) on lucrative neighborhood tennis matches. They decide that it's time for them to get into the podcast game. Here's what that world looks like...1) What's wrong with these single people?2) Here's why they are getting it wrong...3) Why do they think they can hang out with us and our married friends...echh gross4) Here is a list of Shadchanit's they need to listen too5) Dvar Torah6) Our interview with a shadchan (they know what their doing)7) AI DATING (Artificial intelligence dating)--- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/shidduchim/messageSupport this podcast: https://anchor.fm/shidduchim/support

Izak and Malky follow up from episode 5, they discuss the full process of actually planning a date. Though, this time it's magical and it's exactly how the ladies would like it to be :). Izak also wears a wicked cool Chanukah sweater.

1) What is the best first date place?
2) Where do you go for the second?
After going to a Lounge for the first date, what place is best to go to for a second date?
A) Lounge (again?)
B) A Lite Dairy Restaurant (too soon to be eating?)
C) Activity (you don’t really know them yet!
When can you just give up on going out and just hang out with each other… Basically becoming an official couple
3) What would the perfect conversation be like?
4) Where she lives debate…can you date near her town??
5) The spots you just don’t want to go go
6) Can the girl just meet you half way?
7) Can you do an action first date
8) Making reservations, what is the girls take on whether a guy calls up in advance about a reservation or not? Precocious of him?
9) girls Having to have backup plans just in case the guy goofs or something unplanned happens. Precarious of him?

dating #jewish #chanukah #hanukkah #weddings

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91: Tales of the Shidduch Journeywoman

What is a Journeywoman? A woman who is an experienced and competent professional in her field but doesn't yet have that "trophy boyfriend or husband" to show off! So we have heard from the journeymen; now we are spotlighting the journeywomen, well one woman and that's Rivka who tells us what's going on with the Shidduch Journeywoman's life.

Figuring out the uncle and aunt life
What are niblings?
Continued discussion on long distance dating challenges
The time zone tobbacle!
Getting catfished
When you have to move away after you get married
Culture changes when you're in a relationship
When you can say "but my rabbi said"
How not to rely on friend setups!!

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90 - Long Distance Dating and Reflecting On That Whole Zoom Thing

We continue the long-distance convo from episode 72. Long-distance can be quite the challenge for many couples but it could also provide a very unique and special experience. There’s a plethora of awesomeness and problems that can take place during a long distance relationship. Are you one of those who this has happened to? Izak is joined by Rivka and Rabbi AY to opine.

1) Does long-distance really work?
2) Did zooming during COVID count as long distance?
3) People are so busy today. It’s like all dating is long distance.
4) Making sure they are a real person and not a cat fish!
5) What if both parties struggle with moving away from where they are?
6) Is face timing a substitute for in person dating?
7) How come small minded people roll their eyes when you tell people that you met and are together primarily online
8) Ideas for facetime Dates! Like actually doing something
9) Taking long-distance breaks
10) Getting over regrets

jewish #dating #aka #shidduchim #app #shidduch #shadchan #lakewood #sheitals #podcast #shabbos #simchas #weddings #jewishlife #modestfashion #jewishfashion #shabbos #kosher

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89: How I Met Your Therapist (ft. Ahuva Shandelman a.k.a. Holy Shid)

Ever wonder how orthodox Jewish women become dating coaches or therapists? in this episode, we discuss with dating expert Ahuva Shandelman LCSW how she got to where she is today. The gang also discusses the continuous tales of the Shidduch journey-person.

Dating specialists tales:
1) How the whole social work thing caught on
2) Going to a male therapist vs a female therapist
3) Jewish vs. nonJewish therapist
4) How you get into being a “Shidduch/dating expert”
5) How you relate your experience to those who have dating struggles
6) Commonalities of struggling daters
7) Parent care taker situation

jewish #dating #aka #shidduchim #dating #app #shidduch #shadchan #lakewood #girls #weddings

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88: There’s nothing wrong with you because you are single (ft. Jackie Glaser)

In a world with so much stereotyping of orthodox Jewish singles, Jackie Glaser brings a fresh perspective On the fact that there really isn’t anything wrong with you. Dating is mostly a struggle for frum Singles, here are some ways you can alleviate your dating experience and break through preconceived notions when trying to affiliate yourself with the Jewish community and your dates.

1) Baruch Hashem Syndrome!!

2a) Is there really nothing wrong with someone when they are single? Clearly women or men are not finding this person attractive or viable, tell us more

2b) Singles see the problems with many current married people & there just may not be any realistic role models

3) Crap Testing Singles!! Jackie's Adam Neumann Story

4) What do you do with your position in the Jewish community, do you move on and look for other things or do you stay and fight back the stereotype?

5) Is there really something wrong with Singles or is it that there’s actually nowhere to find Singles? (& mature singles [Avery explains])

6) what are your singles saying about the Shidduch scene and their struggles?

7) Burn out is very real, keeping up at work, keeping up with yourself, salvaging your friends and family relationships, why are so many women closed off to trying? Why are so many men looking for the quick fix?

8) we noticed a lot of mental health advocacy like meditation and other tools for this genre, is it becoming more popular? Or is it the only answer?

9) How do you actually get more relaxed on dates? CBD, cigarette break? jump in on a Netflix and ice cream binge?

10) The trend of being a people pleaser, so many young girls are pressured by matchmakers to just be a people pleaser but in the world of today like social media and people’s voices to be heard perhaps it’s not the best thing. Also I learned in my pick up class that it is actually good to not always please & not always get excited about every single interest that your date may have…

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Ep 87 Brachos and Segulas: Are they hocus pocus or will it get you married?

In this episode IJ & Avery discuss the concept of brachos & segulas people receive regarding be marrige.

What are the brachos & seuglas people refer to you need before marrige?
Mazal
Do the rabbinim really have any insight in to whom you will get married to?
Are kabbalists more accurate when predicting who you'll marry?
If their brachos don't work what next?
Should we stop giving money to these people who are giving us false blessings.
How to detect which rabbanim to trust when it comes to asking for a bracha.
Is the psychology of blessings the real reason they "work" for some, meaning; you manifest what you believe in.
Going to kevarim, repealing ayin haras,, bashert and all other spiritual quest. Do they work?
Diff between short term and long term segulas (ex of long term: (shir hashirim, nishmat kol chai, and going to the kotel (all for40 days in a row)
This is a sub topic but along the lines of segulas I think one of the main reasons people do them is out of desperation and I’ve been suggested some shadchanim that really take advantage of that and charge ridicuuuuulousssss fees

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Ep 86: Zodiac Signs, Names & The Unknown

Even in Game of Thrones there was the religious, spooky and unknown factors out there in that universe. Here on NTS we believe that there are other things that could cause and effect shidduch dating. IJ, Avery & Cousin Malcolm opine…

1) Zodiac Signs Intro

2) Zodiac Signs: is it real that some zodiacs cannot be with others?

3) Also, why are gals so obsessed with this stuff?

4) Is it true that Names have to match up in order to be together?

5) What is the Torah's perspective on Zodiac Signs (Cousin Malcolm jives in)

6) Avery and IJ's Zodiac signs, and everybody else's

7) Avery discusses his books and their lessons

8) Most common Jewish names:

9) avi, ari, malky, shimi, yaakov, yitz, moshe, etc...

10) What do these names mean?

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85 - Hobbies, Social Clubs & Going Home for the Chagim

When you are not working or with the friends/family, orthodox jewish singles have a unique opportunity, this is; to explore new things and new social groups. After that Paige & the NTS guys discuss more on the single life coterie.

1) Escaping too much family time during yuntif!

2) What kinds of social clubs are out there for singles?

3) Pickle ball, improv, hookah lounges, comedy clubs, etc...

4) How to handle going back home for the chagim and discussing it

5) Men going to shul and women going to tehillim groups

6) How to tell a shadchan that you have a social club

7) Whether or not to tell a shul goer (parishioner) in your old community about your new endeavors

jewish #dating #aka #shidduchim #dating #app #shidduch #shadchan #mazaltov #lakewood #monsey #5towns

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A work life balance is certainly something we all strive for. Is it truly feasible while living in Orthodox Jewish life? In this episode we bring on corporate employees who try to make best of their Jewish life and work life balance. Our grandparents had to give it up if they had to work for Shabbos, are we any different?

1) What is a corporate place? (Everyone defines)

2) tell us about the schedule for a person who wants to make it in a corporate setting

3) What kind of education do they have to have, can they go to Yeshiva University, Landers College For Men/Women, Touro University?

4) Is getting home for Shabbat really tough on those early fridays?

5) Can you take Off for a Jewish holidays or are you really taking off and making up the time?

6) Do you go to the companywide Christmas party? I heard it’s really fun!

7) shabbat and chag:

-telling employer/teams/clients

-setting boundaries: leaving early and not responding to messages

-situations where jobs require work on weekends

-when holidays fall out during busy times

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Ever notice that you enjoy the power of the swipe more than the dating itself? Maybe it's the rush or maybe you just haven't found Mr. or Mrs. Perfect yet. Sarah Haskell (Tiktok content creator as That Relatable Jew) joins Avery and IJ to discuss serial shidduch daters, shidduchim and the dating life as an orthodox Jewish twenties & thirties year old.

1) Can the girls define a serial shidduch dater? Can the boys? 2) Is serial shidduch dating some kind of addiction? 3) How hard it is to actually sort through the shuffle... 4) Is it easier for a guy or a girl to be the shidduch dater? 5) Why would you give a chance to a serial dater? 6) Why do girls love serial male daters!! 7) Why is it a stereotype that guys don't actually like gal serial daters? 8) TikTok and social medias role in the dating universe!

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Ever think that there should be more shidduch shabbatons out there? We agree. Izak record's this episode with Isaac and Devora from Build A Bayis Inc., a shidduch events & shabbaton organization that looks to keep singles “busy” all the time.

1) What is a Shabbaton?

2) Why is speed dating so darn popular!

3) Walk us through the planning details!

4) Age parameters

5) Vetting

6) Hashkafa

7) Why is pricing so high? Or so cheap?

8) Tell us about the shabbatons you hosted!

9) Why aren’t there more shidduch events and shabbatons!?

10) Does a shadchan have to partake in order for this to happen?

11) How do you convince the frugal to give you a chance as well as the lavish party people out there?

12) Can you ask the guy/gal out right there?

13) Why does feedback take so long!

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Episode 81: Food, Family & Guilt

The Role of Food in the Jewish Community with Chef Mendy Wolf. HBO’s Sopranos was a phenomenal depiction of Italian life in America. Perhaps the most relatable aspect of the show was its depiction of all things food, eating & solid cuisine. What is the role of food in the Jewish community, does it mean more to our community than others?

1) Diffrent kosher cuisines

2) Toughest parts about keeping kosher

3) What kinds of kosher keeping is there?

4) the private chef life and what it’s all about

5) Is a healthy kosher lifestyle attainable?

6) Why is it stereotypical for only women to be able to cook or have to cook!?

7) The rise of kosher taste is up! What do we do about it?

8) Inflation is here! How to budget and get the best bang for your grocery shopping

9) why is every Jewish single either a professional and a cook or a DJ? Or girl is a fashion influencer?

10) Is food a placebo for intimacy, partying or other vices?

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In this episode NTS crew discusses how the "extra curriculars" helped or didn’t help daters in their shidduch journey. Growing up in the Jewish community, we are raised young to commit to duty, family and community. The propensity for young jewish people to be involved in the jewish community is ramped. There are hundreds of organizations that we get involved in. Looking back did it help? Was it worth it? We discuss.

Jared and Yosef join us!

1) Let's discuss the organizations we spent time in

2) Does everyone do it to find a shidduch!!

3) Was it real or was it a resume filler?

4) Some looking back nostalgia on these programs

5) Being branded as an "NCSY" guy or a "Chabad" gal

6) How can one move on if these choices don’t work out? (Example the forever Camp Counselor)

7) How to move on if there was a serious issue in this stage of your life

1) Chesed programs

2) NCSY

3) Chabad

4) Shabbatons

5) Bais Medresh

6) Yeshiva learning

7) Camp!

8) Israel program

9) Tomchei Shabbos

10) HASC Counselor

11) Chai Lifeline

12) Seforim sale

13) YU / Landers

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Episode 79 - What your Yeshiva pick says about you

IJ is joined by Yeshiva Bucher Jeremy. He has a ton to share and help answer some questions about what goes on during this Israel yeshiva seminary gap-year experience and the yeshiva life when you get back!

1) What is the yeshiva seminary experience? 2) Describe the seminary’s for us…if you go here you’re like this etc… Group pics & experience search 3) Your response to brainwashing 4) Are there yeshiva seminaries to sell your first born to in order to get in? 5) What are the effects of certain Yeshivas on your shidduch resume? 6) What’s your response to a girl that says she won’t date you bec. Of the yeshiva you went too? 7) So they only teach you to become Rabbis and Dentists? What’s the occupations that they push on to you? 8) Do yeshiva's actually prepare you for real life? 9) Do you actually keep the Kesher of your friends and Rebbeim?? 10) Thoughts on guys who go Shana bet or gimmel? Shana Gimmel!

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Episode 78: A Single’s Guide To Summer Izak (IJ) sits down with c-host Paige for a one on one on how singles can manage their summer. Afterwards, Avery and Ahuva discuss what the Shid School of Love is!? 1) Summer is just another day that's warmer 2) Singles events and singles gatherings 3) The Shidduch Underworld 4) Community events! Bring a doggy bag 5) Assembling what's left of your friend crew 6) How to handle your Maaser money best when single :-) 7) Steps to decide to go to the summer soirée 8) How do you explain what you've been up to for all these years?

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In this episode, the Mic gets turned around to the happy shidduch goer's side of the dating system. This is an episode all about Good things about shidduchim and the shadchan! We are joined by Baila Sebrow and Cousin Malcolm.

1) Benefits of using a Shadchanit 2) Baila gives us her take 3) What's holding back singles today? 4) Anxieties and what went wrong to lead to where things are now 5) Are intimate discussions better for the singles on their own? 6) The process of using a Shadchan 7) What your looking at when matching 8) Is the Shadchan ever wrong? 9) It’s so less awkward for everything 10) What girls like most about using a shadchan

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Episode 76: Age Gaps Explored - Nobody Talks Shidduchim Podcast

We’ve discussed many age facets on this show, but IJ & Avery delve into this topic when it comes to the many classes of age compatibility. Are there actual reasons of age differences? There is such a stigma here about guys just dating younger girls, so many do that; so why do we make comments about it when it happens? Also we are happy when we hear about an older girl with a younger guy…is it ok to make a big deal about that? Ahuva Shandelman A.K.A. Holy Shid stops by, along with Miss Rivka.

Different age gaps:

1) The Classic: Guy is older then the girl

2) The uncommon: the Girl is older than the guy

3) The assumed: Girl & Guy are the same age

—

1) What happened to the same age dater?

2) Does that even still exist?

3) Fertility for women

4) Is this a nature vs. nurture kind of thing?

5) Can this be explained?

6) Stories & people we know with age gaps

7) Are there really any differences between age blocks:

a) 19 to 26

b) 24 to 32

c) 30 to 40

7) When the younger girls father is just 10 years older then you!

8) You're parents are just way way way younger then her parents and thats tough!

9) What about someone married w an age gap, did it work for them? Should you ask them?

10) Freezing eggs

11) Friends being of age

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75) Workplace Shidduch Stories & how to navigate working life while single. Rachel Salutsky and JoJo visit IJ and Avery. This episode is about American Jewish dating and its affects in the workplace. Have you ever been assigned to a new project at work and in comes your new partner...and wow!!! you’re taken by surprise because you think they’re cute. Well it gets even better you recognize that they are; Shidduch available, as you’ve gotten their résumé or you’ve asked a coworker or a friend to find out if they’re single and they are. For this episode Avery and IJ discuss the positives, the benefits, to the cons, the ramifications, the problems, the ethics, the everything of dating someone from work. 1) is a work relationship real? 2) When your coworker you hate gets married…do you say Mazal tov! 3) Can it actually go somewhere 4) Wanting to go out with a Co-worker! 5) Asking coworkers out 6) Asking Vendors out 7) Clients out 8) Work place love 9) How the workplace will treat you if you are single in a Jewish setting 10) How the workplace will treat you in a non-Jewish setting 11) Pay raises in some Jewish firms when you get married 12) What if you were seeing someone and it ended, now what do you do if you work with them 13) Getting into fights with people that work because they encroach on your singleness 14) Yeah power struggles like when he called me do you oversee the other person or they oversee you 15) When someone else is jealous of the relationship that you are in with that other coworker

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Hasidic Hipster Sarah Guigue stops by. Cousin Malcom too. Ever see my big fat Greek wedding? Culture shockers are real in Shiduchim. There are so many different kinds of minhags or customs or rituals that families have. In this episode, the NTS crew rant about the best to the worst in shidduch dating culture shockers!

1) Family Huggers 2) Bris 3) Sefardic kissing on cheeks 4) Bro Cuddling 5) Women cheek kissing 6) Men walking around the house in underwear 7) Women’s Nida (a guys house vs. a gals house) 8) Black hats 9) Sheitels 10) Men wear rings when married 11) Men wearing rings in general (Italian like) 12) Engagement bracelets 13) When the mother doesn’t cover her hair 14) Asking the father permission to marry their daughter. 15) Pesach vacations

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A History on Shidduch Dating and The Great Singles Migration - NTS

The NTS Crew sits down with shidduch scholar Malcom. In this episode we discuss the history of Shidduch dating, the great singles migration and how certain places became the singles go to places to live. What they are like and what they have to offer

This NTS episode discusses a brief history crash course on the history of shidduch dating. Where it began, how did it start, how we got to modern day dating!

We end off with where singles migrate to. Where do they end up and what happens to them?

1) History 2) Back to our Forefathers 3) Talmudic times 4) The enlightenment 5) How it was done in Europe 6) After the Shoa 7) Shmilka Bernsteins & Grossingers 8) Small towns 9) Rebuilding Jewish communities in the 70's, 80's 90's etc... 10) Globalism 11) The business of Shidduchim is business 12) Why singles are choosing the Upper West Side? 13) The great singles crisis of 2008

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IJ sits down for a tell all to discuss his long distance fairytale. He found love but God had other plans. Long-distance can be quite the challenge for many couples but it could also provide a very unique and special experience. There’s a lot of character development and growth that takes place during long distance relationships; are you one of those who this has happened to?

Many times people wave their hand at you when they say “what you’ve never met each other in person“ Well I J is here to tell you why those people are full of garbage because long distance is more real than anyone could even imagine.

1) Does long-distance really work?

2) Making sure they are a real person and not a cat fish!

3) What if both parties struggle with moving away from where they are?

4) Is face timing a substitute for in person dating?

5) How come small minded people roll their eyes when you tell people that you met and are together primarily online

6) Taking long-distance breaks

7) Getting over regrets

8) Getting back together

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This episode discusses small tidbits from a consultation with a dating coach. We are joined by Rivka Janowski Rochind. Rivka offers us tips so we can brush up on our dates. Is there a way for us to be more cognizant on our dates? 1) Being tuned in on dates 2) remembering there names 3) What if you seemed tuned out, what do you do? 4) Does this mean there’s a problem with you or even the match? 5) Is there one person you’re supposed to marry? 6) How do you know someone is right for you? 7) Not looking for “perfect” looking for “perfect for me” 8) “Pink” flags and dealbreakers 9) Some things that hold people back from committing/getting engaged/married 10) And How to overcome them 11) Understanding when dating may or may not be a good thing for you. 12) How to properly tell someone they're not for you. 13) When to realize you may be oversharing 14) When to realize you may to closed off. 15) How maintain momentum with someone you just met without getting to anxious about the future...

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Ep 70) Toxic friends & Platonic Relationships [Holy Shid] Part 2

You grew up with them, shared the most sentimental memories with them; but once you enter the shidduch core...everything changes. Toxic friends exists and they are holding you back from your shiduch excursions. Holy Shid joins us to discuss what to do.

1) Shid breaks down what a toxic relationship is.

2) What is a frum platonic relationship?

3) Are platonic relationships also toxic?

4) Your friends say that shidduch idea isnt for you

5) The saying is "you are what you consume"; if you hang around people who are bad for you, how do you let them go?

6) Where to find friends that bring out the best in you.

7) How to tell if this friendship is healthy/toxic for you?

8) How to identify whether or not you're a toxic influence on your friends?

9) Can a platonic relationship exist within frum culture?

10) Should you pursue a romantic relationship with a platonic friend even though you may not feel "in love"?

11) How much does jealousy/insecurity play a role in toxic relationships?

12) Other toxic traits; that may not be as visible at the surface.

13) Maybe we are looking too deeply into all of these therapeutic techniques?

14) Activities you can do together to assist in building stronger friendships.

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Episode 69: Toxic Friends & Platonic Relationships Part 1 with Holy Shid's Ahuva Shandelman. You grew up with them, shared the most sentimental memories with them; but once you enter the shidduch core...everything changes. Toxic friends exists and they are holding you back from your shiduch excursions. Holy Shid joins us to discuss what to do.

1) Shid breaks down what a toxic relationship is. 2) What is a frum platonic relationship? 3) Are platonic relationships also toxic? 4) Your friends say that shidduch idea isnt for you 5) The saying is "you are what you consume"; if you hang around people who are bad for you, how do you let them go? 6) Where to find friends that bring out the best in you. 7) How to tell if this friendship is healthy/toxic for you? 8) How to identify whether or not you're a toxic influence on your friends? 9) Can a platonic relationship exist within frum culture? 10) Should you pursue a romantic relationship with a platonic friend even though you may not feel "in love"? 11) How much does jealousy/insecurity play a role in toxic relationships? 12) Other toxic traits; that may not be as visible at the surface. 13) Maybe we are looking too deeply into all of these therapeutic techniques? 14) Activities you can do together to assist in building stronger friendships.

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Ep 68 - The family has “issues”, what do I do?

In this continuation of stigmatize dating we discuss more stigmatized issues that occur during your dating life cycle. Of course everyone hopes and believes and imagine that they are going to get the full package. The father-in-law is president of the young Israel the mother is coordinating three tehillim groups, his sister is a very well-balanced nurse at some hospital and her brother is happily married with kids in the five towns. As you know this does not happen all the time and in most cases stigmatized dating pops up. There’s always going to be an issue with some family mix perhaps someone is divorced perhaps a sibling does not fall into the community expectations. In this episode we break it down and get you a plan for this.

Father was in prison
They have 10 siblings, they have one sibling, they are an only child
The family is poor
Sibling is off the derech
Converts
Messy divorce
Mental illness in the family
Family has someone in it that is gay
They don't plan to attend their child's wedding
Parent’s don't speak to some of the children
Physical health issues in family
Child that is special needs
Parent who passed away
Money

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In the NBA, Journeymen is a titular title bestowed upon those who have played the game for many many years; moving from team to team. The NTS guys reflect on recent shidduch developments in their lives. A bit not scripted, this episode delves through lessons taught from the journey men of american jewish dating. Nobody Talks Shidduchim discusses: Shidduchim, Shadchan, jewish, jewish dating, chatan, kallah, simchas, shaitels, sheitals , yeshiva , weddings , matches, fashion, tznius and more!

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Not every guy gets the privilege to have asteve martin from father of the bride esque father-in-law. But, our guest, Avi Dreyfuss may be the closest thing to it. As a father, who has successfully vetted and dealt with numerous guys attempting to steal his daughter. Avi would provide us with some keen insight on how guys should present themselves so maybe one day they too could actually get married.

We discuss the resume process 2. Do the fathers get together in Shul or at work by the water cooler and make fun of this shidduch stuff?? 3. Careers, education & the game plan 4. what guys convey when expressing themselves on a resume. 5. Do you place any importance on a guy's looks, should we? 6. What guys should be aware of when they meet the parents for the first time/ 7. Fathers calling references 8. What if your child says no to your friends child 9. Avi's craziest stories about guys_____ 10. What should the gamelan be for guys post yeshiva/high school age 11. How to properly market your child & assist them in finding their spouse. 12. What happens when you see a former girl you’ve dated, during your Shidduchim days, sons resume?? 13. Vaping, drinking, drugs, does it matter to the parents?

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Ep 65: Has your seminary experience ruined your dating life?

IJ and Avery are joined by Hanna and Rosie. They have a ton to share and help answer some questions about what goes on during this israel seminary experience.

1) What is the seminary experience? 2) Describe the seminary’s for us…if you go here you’re like this etc… Group pics & experience search 3) The fomo of not going 4) Picking your seminary! 5) Are there seminaries to sell your first born to in order to get in? 6) Seminaries to avoid? 7) What are the effects of certain seminaries on your shidduch resume? 8) What’s your response to a guy that says he won’t date you bec. Of the seminary you went too? 9) Stigma is that seminaries brainwash the gals..is this true? 10) So they only teach you to become Rebbetzin’s or makeup artists? What’s the occupations that they push on to you? 11) Do seminaries actually prepare you for real life? 12) Can you go to seminary later in life? 13) Do-Tell stories of YESHIVA guys in seminary 14) Thoughts on girls who go Shana bet? Shana Gimmel! 15) Do Madrichas only marry Madrichs

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Co-Hosts Yona & Chani focus the mic on a matchmaker to discuss her side of the story. This matchmaker is the Queens Shadchanit, Mrs. Hindy Laster. She describes to us all the inside and latest trends, the best feedback the worst feedback and lets us walk away with good hints.

Process and intake system for Shadchanit
How A Shadchanit gets started?
What are issues that The Shadchanit is getting wrong?
Has WhatsApp changed anything??
When are parents wrong
How involved should shadchanim be?
Levels of shadchanim

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Ep 63: Passaic Single Guys Actually Hang With Married Guys. Is there a world where singles and married people can actually hang out in? In Passaic New Jersey, it seems so. NTS crew discusses what the situation is by this rare; yet fun chevra does, to be able to hang out all together.

1) Can single guys hang out with married guys? 2) Married people get way more out of you then you them 3) Thinking about my old friends who have been married for a long time, we were friends for a long time but it just ain’t the same 4) Married friends expectations and using you as an escape 5) Having a relationship with your friends spouse 6) How do you differentiate between someone you’re hanging out with and someone that is actually marriage potential? 7) Maybe this will tarnish your name when you’re married friends think of an idea for you. Discussed!

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Ep 62: Smoking, Vices & The Real Mad Men of Shidduchim w. Ahuva Holy Shid

IJ and Avery discuss with the gang all things smoking and other vices. The year is 2022, you can smoke pot but not a cigarette; you can eat unhealthy kugel and Chulent but not vape around granny. It’s abundantly clear that our society has taken drastic changes on vices you can indulge in. What’s the gal’s, guy’s & therapists perspective on this?

topics: 1) Setting up the 2022 Vice situation (like the gym, Chesed & insta likes 🤔) 1a) Summation of what’s going on: cigarettes are equated to drugs, alcohol is only good at kiddush club. 2) Defining vices & healthy vices 3) Is Chesed, a career & “working all day” a vice? 4) Does it have to do with nurture? How you were raised? 5) Is smoking destroying a guys chance to get married? 6) Opinions of girls view on smoking 7) The guys defend smoking 8) What are the girls vices and why can’t they be called out to? 9) Food as a Vice in the Jewish community 10) Psychological perspective on vices 11) Tales of the Shidduch smoker 8) Erev Shabbos trauma 9) Avery discusses a fair balance between health & vices 10) Does this change how the shadchan sets up a girl who wants a smoker or Vice guy??

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In this episode Avery & IJ host The Kosher Guru aka Gabriel Boxer & Lea from @KosherLicks who tells us about all the hot spot kosher restaurants. Ever have a date at an amazing restaurant? Yes it’s hard to plan and expensive at times. Sit with us for dinner as we virtual restaurant Shidduch date crawl with the Guru who knows where to go.

1) What your restaurant pick says about you 2) Is there actually a date number where you have to go to a nice place??? 3) What your order says about you 4) What they order says about them 5) Parking 6) Places with an ambiance’s like no other 7) Out of town restaurant: a problem or an opportunity?

Kosher Spots: 1) Manhattan 2) Queens 3) 5 Towns 4) Great neck 5) Out in the island (Long Island not 5t) 6) NYC: Midtown, UWS, UES, LES 7) Downtown 8) Mid NJ area 9) Teaneck / Bergen county 10) Monsey 11) Lakewood 12) Philly 13) Chicagoland / Skokie 14) Minnesota 15) Boston 16) Stamford 17) Georgia 18) Miami 19) Boca Raton 20) north Miami 21) Hollywood FL 22) Louisiana 23) Los Angeles 24) Texas

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In this week's episode we bring on Sarale and Ahuva AKA Holy Shid. We wanted to share Sarale's inspirational story regarding her shidduch journey.

In this episode we discuss: 1. How much people can change over time and how that change sometimes leads to you to find the person you were looking for. 2 How dating in the traditional shidduch world as young girl felt? 3. The early set familial & societal pressures to get married at a younger age and how that affects people. 4. Creating a routine that keeps you moving through the years where you feel like you have nothing going on dating wise. 5. How Sarale becoming more open minded introduced her to therapy. 6. The skills she picked up in therapy that helped her understand more about herself. 7. The differences and similarities of shidduchim within the Chabad community 8. Spotting the differences of who you were and you're becoming, and why it's ok to wait for the perfect time 9. Understanding that may be the issue is you, and how becoming more open minded can bring the right person into your life. 10. Why you should not rely on the community at large to make your match for you 11. Childhood patterns that may currently be holding you back from finding the right one.

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In this episode Avery and IJ bring on Michal and Tami, two daters who reside in Lakewood and have experience going through the Shidduch system. Avery and IJ take a backseat and listen to what the girls have to say in regards to their dating encounters.

1) A brief introduction to what dating is like in Lakewood

2) Do you feel you are judged more harshly by people you meet because of where you're from?

3) Lakewood is known for the BMG culture, we know what it is today. Are single Lakewood twenties still looking for that cookie-cutter type?

4) Where do you think most girls get their ideal interests for what they are looking for in a guy

5) They say the girls have it easy with matchmakers because they are not expected to push back or stand up for what they believe in. Do you think that is a correct statement? 6) How should a girl tell a matchmaker what they are exactly looking for? 7) what are the least relatable things in a résumé. What things do you think can be totally taken off. 8) in the mid 2010’s Bais Yaakov schools had to chase girls down for their social media participation. It seems that your generation has been able to grow up with this and have a healthy well balanced mindset in this area, what changed? 9) Is it difficult to explain your hashkafa to shadchanim, parents etc. Because they don't understand modern lakewood. 10) Can girls grow up in a rigid, frum environment and learn to rebel against it in a healthy way 11) Whereas girls 20 years ago didn't have an issue with photos and resumes, do you feel the yeshivish world is right to not allow photos to be sent?

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58) Other ways to meet / modox dating

Avery and IJ have discussed many ways for daters to meet in shidduchim and at singles events. But what about those dating apps, Shabbatones or community salsa outings? In this episode The NTS crew sits down with Shlomo from Nashville and Ally from the Valley; 2 app daters, to discuss how the helk you meet on those apps and without a Shadchan.

1) We discuss Modox (modern orthodox) dating styles 2) Jswipe, Hinge, Jdate, all of them! 3) Online Dating 4) Corona crush 5) Social media 6) Parties 7) Handling it yourself 8) Actually going out 9) App dates 10) App remedy

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Stigmatized Dating - Divorce, Broken Engagement, Long Term Relationships, etc…

In today’s day and age, we have hopefully moved past a place where we allow stigmas about people to decide whether or not they are dateable, and should be given a chance.

Emotional scars from entering and exiting these relationships and whether or not you are still carrying your baggage.

Do shadchanim, daters, parents etc judge people who’ve gone through these experiences more harshly?

Is it better to enter marriage having never had a serious relationship or not?

Are frum people behind the 8 ball on divorce and breakups (Average divorce rate 50% amongst Non jews

Are the Jewish divorce laws stacked against frum women?

Should our community have more divorces?

Better to stay in a bad relationship or stay together

Disadvantages of dating when you are younger (unaware)

Have rabeim become to involved in marital problems and no longer understand the scope of healthy marriages

People used to say “they didn’t do enough research, things were hidden”. Is this a real thing? Are people just blinded to their own biases based on what they want.

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56) How to be prepared for marriage In this week's edition of the NobodyTalks Shidduchim Podcast, we sit down with Avi Singer. Avi is a licensed marrige and family therapist as well as small business owner. Throughout this episode, we discuss: 1) What does an ideal frum marriage look like 2) How one can prepare him/herself to be the ideal person they see in a marriage 3) Are frum marriages more difficult to maintain due to the various factors (expensive lifestyle, religious levels, lack of incorporation of modern day life needs 4) Is the separation between boys and girls from a young age leading people people to be less ready for relationships 5) Should you have a short list of qualities you need in a spouse? If so, what are they? 6) How to tell you are really ready for marriage? 7) The things a married person only knows, and how to use that information to help others 8) Does our community put to much of a burden on the idea that getting married is the be all end all, and not enough attention on how to maintain a healthy relationship? 9) What are habits to pick up that will make you an a great spouse?

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Ep 55: Seasons Come & Go But Yom Tov Never Changes & Shabbos Is On The Way!

Dreading Yom Tov, is this where we are at? The holidays are tough for singles. Avery & IJ discuss the challenges. Shabbos is discussed by the Shidduch Podcast crew.

1) The worst yom tov to be single? 2) Getting suggestions by your local shul family friend 3) Programs Programs Programs 2)Going to the park 3) What is Shabbos like for single guys 4) What is Shabbos like for single gals 5) Too much time with the fam? 6) Should Shabbos break the relationship? 7) Spending Shabbos at their house? 8) Do you tell them Yumtif was actually bad? 9) Getting meals 10) Arranging meals 11) Inviting guests

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In ep 54 the NTS crew with Meghan discusses hashkafa. We label it, we box it and we subject the hashkafic orientations out there. Just because We do this, doesn’t mean there’s less to a person. But in shidduchim it’s important to identify where you stand on things. What’s important to bring up, what should be brought up and what may just be ok to wait on.

1) TV in the house 2) Labels & that darn Box 3) Throw away: my way is the right way 4) Black hat: they do, they did, the don’t, they can’t 5) Zionistic 6) TV and TV in the house 7) Sending your kids to white shirt or co ed yeshiva 8) What community do we want to live in 9) Is how you observe Shabbos a hashkafic difference? ie how you want to run a Shabbos table, going swimming, wife holds of the eruv 10) How much do we listen to the families rov? 11) Do we put a filter on the house internet? Kids phones. Etc. 12) Making aliyah 13) Learning 14) Is Hashkafa non-binary a thing? 15) Music

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Yona & Chani join Avery to have a sophisticated and nuanced discussion over the many differences and similarities those of us share when it comes to our hashkafos in Shidduchim. We tackle the concept of dating someone based on various stereotypes such as wearing a black hat, davening in Young Israel's and preferring a TV in your home.

1) Defining religious orientation 2) Black hat 3) Zionistic 4) TV and TV in the house 5) Sending your kids to white shirt or co ed yeshiva 6) What community do we want to live in 7) Is how you observe Shabbos a hashkafic difference? ie how you want to run a Shabbos table, going swimming, wife holds of the eruv 8) How much do we listen to the families rov? 9) Do we put a filter on the house internet? Kids phones. Etc. 10) Making aliyah 11) Learning

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EP 52: Don't Ask Me If I'm Shomer #3 [Part 3: The Rabbi Strikes Back]

Navigating the relationship w/shomer in mind. Halachic & Rabbinic perspectives of being shomer negiah.

In part 3 of shomer we wrap it up with Rabbi AY’s encounters as a Rabbi & halachic perspective. We also discussed some new aspects of Shomer Negiah, which we did not touch up on in Part 1 and 2. Torah perspectives, community outlines and IJ’s favorite…is breaking shomer the same as kosher and Shabbos?

Tznius affects on Shomer Negiah
Why are the shidduch dating guys always blamed??
Is there a way to really tell if someone is shomer?
Kosher & Shabbos is very diffrent than Shomer
Past relationships that you weren’t shomer in: to tell or not to tell!
How can you feel intimately connected in a shomer relationship
What are ways to bring up gedarim/boundaries without offending the other side
Does being shomer fall under the category of tznius
Can you judge someone for their past experiences shomer or not?
What does the Torah want from a young healthy couple, is it closeness to each other (which comes from Intimacy) or closeness to G-d?
It’s not that the Torah doesn’t work, it’s the community that doesn’t work
Better for gals to break it whether they are frum or modern?

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In this week's episode we bring in Paige, a long time dater and resident expert on shomer negiah for the female daters perspective. Having been in her own long term relationships before, we appreciated hearing why she is complexly pro staying shomer until marriage. Some girls call in as well to weigh in on the issues. We also discussed some new aspects of Shomer Negiah, which we did not touch up on in Part 1. Such as; is it worse to be the person who initially breaks or the person who elevates? Does being with someone before you are married give you insight in to any potential compatibility issues in the future? Who can you go to to discuss the difficulties you are having staying shomer in your relationships? As well, as many other enumerating subjects

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Ep 50: Don’t Ask Me If I’m Shomer The NTS Crew: IJ, Avery & Ahuva put all things Shomer Negiah on the table with this series opener. While we all follow the laws of SN, we explore the topic in more relative terms to us millennial & gen Z daters….hey we all enjoy the Shomer 5. 1) Defining Shomer Negiah 2) Tell us about how it played a role in your life, what it means to you... 3) Why is there such a majority of Shidduch daters who hold Shomer 4) What are the benefits of Shomer in Shid 5) When to have a discussion about being shomer or not? 6) Emotional & Brain Chemical reactions to touching 7) Are you really doing something wrong, halacha aside...well sorta? 8) Does it change for guys when you commit? 9) Does it change for girls close to engagement? 10) Who is it more difficult for, gender-wise? 11) We all want to hug & cuddle is there a way to do it? 12) Establishing proper boundries or gedorim to stay shomer 13) Are there any negatives to actually holding SN? 14) The Jewish Guilt 15) Why do we feel soo guilty when it’s in our DNA & innate for us to do so 16) Can you tell the Shadchan you are planning on breaking Shomer? 17) Who generally actually starts the “breaking shomer”, the one to initiate? 18) Is it worst for the person to start or to elevate? 19) Dating someone who does not want to be shomer and you do. Can it work?

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The NTS Crew sits down with a group of Buchrim to discuss their dating take. These are real yeshiva guys who are still learning, have seder and only wear a blue shirt on purim!

BUCHRIM TELL ALL What is the Buchor life like? Do women ever wonder? Do non learners ever wonder? IJ sits down with a group of yeshiva guys (who happen to be his former chevra from yeshiva gedola) and chat. 1) What's it like in yeshiva generally, give the audience an idea of the schedule and ambiance 2) Do you think Yeshiva has prepared you better than your friends who went to college (didn't make learning a priority) 3) How is the process with a shadchan as a buchor (Differences in the modern yeshivish vs. black hat yeshivish world 4) Whats the process like with a Shadchan? 5) What are your biggest 3 struggles with shadchanim? 6) Do you ever get an urge to ask a girl out directly? 7) What can you tell our female audience out there as to what you expect from a dating them? Give them a pointer as to how they can snatch 8) Some of you are older, its frustrating to still be single...how do you still have hope?

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Ep 48: What happened to all of the “good guys” PART 1

Are we setting up our boys to fail?? Where are all the “Good Guys” at??

NTS crew discusses with Mrs. Rissel Naimark about the perplexities of girls and “the community” thinking that there are no more good guys/men/boys. IJ and Avery defend the boys!!

It seems that there’s this expectancy for the men in Shidduchim to be able to have a set career, solid twice a day learning Seder as well as being a 3 x a day minyan goer. Is this just conjecture from anecdotal “sources” or is this a real thing that is setting the men and thus women back from finding their Basherts to be with?

1) Guys are amazing and here’s why... 2) Is it just that girls standards are too high 3) Is it fair for the women to judge this? 4) Is it a reason for women to say no or should they work with GUY POTENTIAL. 5) Women want a tangible way of measuring how frum a guy is, plain and simple. 6) Why single men don’t have a steady minyan schedule 7) How our grandparents did it (1 minyan and Mentch’s) 8) Dual household responsibility. Differences of growing up with 2 working parents vs 1. 9) Reverse case: men being very strict with women and tznius 10) Our community pushing men into learning, for as long as they can even without a plan

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Episode 47: How to take full advantage of being single. Avery explains all the new things he has found from being single, with Rosie.

Pursue your passions (Business, travel, restaurants, career change)
Getting closer to G-d
Shabbos plans for girls and how to get invited to meals
Making all new friends
Choosing your new look/wardrobe not having your spouse do it.
Working on building a house, apartment, decorating?
Getting into shape for your future wedding (barf)
Connecting with more people who might have that match
Taking time to reflect on how you can be better
Not letting your single state define you. What are your other unrelated qualities
How can you get out of the “waiting funk”

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This week's episode we are joined by the royals, Meghan, Kate and Diana. We discuss a wide range of topics within what girls are looking for. Do they like cologne, car door openers, tall guys, short guys, Jewish guys, etc. The royals give us some really insightful perspective into what the girls actually care about when it comes to finding a husband. Take a listen, and if you enjoy this podcast and want to get in touch with the show runners make sure to follow us on our Instagram @nobodytalksshidduchim or email us @nobodytalkspodcast@aol.com.

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1) Can you trust someone when they tell their breakup story? 2) Why are Jews so bad about giving closer? 3) Psychological affects 4) Chemical imbalances: dopamine & withdrawl 5) A new version of ourselves? 6) My person left, I am not whole 7) Are we hiding behind the shadchan for everything? 8) How do you say it? Meaning What are the exact words? 9) Ever get a mother who did the break up? 10) Backlash: When the shadchan fights back? 11) When you tell the Shadchan one thing and they tell something else to the guy/girl...🙄 12) How to heal after a break up? 13) Tell me why holding resentment is making you seem small? 14) How to make your breakup mean something? 15) How to properly reflect on the relationship? 16) Forgiveness, how to forgive yourself and your ex

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In this episode IJ & Avery perform a mock interview with each other as if they are the shadchan and client.

We review key items such as how to set the tone with the shadchan? How to ensure they give you what you are looking for? When to bring up past relationships? and so much more!

Take a listen and if you enjoy this podcast and find it entertaining send it over to a friend or give us feedback on our instagram @nobodytalksshidduchim or email us nobodytalkspodcast@aol.com

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Moving out, moving on and changing up your situation. The helpful tips for moving on from dating burn out, rejection and an almost relationship.

1) Do all singles have to move out of there house? 2) Do you mention it on a resume 3) Do men move out of the house more than women? 4) When your burnt out from dating what do you do? 5) The Shadchan you just worked with for 6 months is done with you, now what? 6) Shadchan life cycle: playcate the shadchan 7) does Going on a vacation do it for ya 8) Moving on from Shidduch cliches and your current game strategy 9) Reorganizing 10) Changing up your dating usuals? New dating places, diffrent girls, etc... 11) Re-assesing your look, style. 12) If it hasn't worked for you all these years why not try something totally different

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Ever blow a date So bad you wanted to forget about it? The NTS Crew, now with Emma (going by Em), conjugate over how daters mess up on dates. This is how you blow a date, badly.

1) Coming late to the date 2) Expectations are destroyed (not like a DOA, cause there's still a chance). 3) Girls falling asleep on dates 4) What to do if the place is closed when you get there 5) The guy not texting back 6) You cannot connect to the date at all, she/he wont give you anything to work with 7) Asking her to pay 8) Ordering the most expensive thing on the menu (9) Talking about your ex 10) Commenting on their appearance too soon 11) Telling them they're career sucks

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Rosie, IJ, Avery and Freidy Goldberger discuss singles mingling at gatherings, socials and singles events. Are they antiquated? Is there something new that singles are brewing?

1) Why haven’t you gone to one? 2) What entices you to actually go to one? 3) Is this “Really cool singles event” really different from the others!!? 4) What’s the conventional program at a singles event? 5) Is it just for extroverts or can it be for introverts as well? 6) Should I go in with a plan or just wing it? 7) Should you break the conventional intro?? 8) Everyone is named Avi, from Brooklyn & is a CPA...can we say other things?? 9) Is it ok if I go alone? 10) Can the girl come over to the guy and introduce themselves?? 11) What if you get stuck with a bad group? 12) What else is there to talk about...asides from the elevator pitch 13) Don’t over take the table!! Never be the one to run the show!! 14) After the event help! 15) It’s always that one girl/guy that everyone wants to go out with! What if that’s you! 16) Last episode I said I didn’t like big ones, I still don’t and here’s why...but here’s also some benefits to it 17) How to end/leave things

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Have you ever set up your friends before? Avery & IJ have! Many times and with each other. Let's go beyond the second hand talk that you hear from your friends as we discuss with callers what its like to setup your friends and be setup by them! 1) Do your friends really know you? 2) Has a friendship been broken because are they set up? 3) How to do it without hurting relationship? 4) Why aren’t people setting there friends up? 5) Do you have to be honest with your friend or can you give the classic matchmaker responses? 6) what do you say if you know this friend is trouble or you can’t deal with them when They set you up 7) What if your friend asks you to set them up with someone else you may know and the person who is asking to be set up is either not a good person or you don’t want to set them up or feel comfortable doing so 8) Your friend wants you to set them up and you actually want the girl for yourself!!! 9) What if they say something bad about your friend? 10) Do you tell your friend honest truth of what happened? 11) Shana rishona Shidduchim scavenger ( when couples get married ) 12) Out of town in town

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How much influence does your bro or sis have on your Shidduch picks? Ahuva Holy__Shid joins the crew to discuss how much involvement our siblings should have in our dating experience. We discuss: 1) Siblings negative affects in dating 2) How much should I be telling my siblings? 3) Siblings positive affects 4) Does it change anything if your sibling is SINGLE OR MARRIED 5) Siblings getting involved in the Shidduch prospect 6) Ranking Siblings spouses and siblings themselves...many girls trying to find their bro? 7) Common chats with siblings..reality vs. their illusions 8) Meeting the siblings when the match is getting serious 9) Basing what not to do off your siblings 10) When siblings want to know too much 11) Getting setup with your best friends older brother or younger sister

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Avery & IJ Rap Shidduch words, they also monologue about being in a serious relationship. Why is it so complicated, even for those ones that seem like they have it together. 1) Do daters treat dates seriously? 2) It’s all about finding out stuff about them, while knowing yourself 3) Setting the tone for who you are 4) Are women more direct in the serous dating stage? 5) Challenging times are good for a serious relationship, it makes or breaks it.

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Part 2 of this Gender Roles series features Holy__Shid & Mrs. Raina Balsam. With IJ, Hanna, Yonah & Chani.

1) What is Holy__Shid and their mission? 2) The Torah’s perspective & modern day Shidduch actuality 3) Women wanting more Halachic involvement 4) Men wanting more house duties 5) Woman contributing financially 6) Men contributing in Shabbos & decorative aspects of the house 7) Focusing on what makes sense for you vs. for the world 8) Respectable jobs vs. a job for you Sponsored by Shas 4 Shidduchim: https://shas4shidduchim.org/?utm_source=nobodytalksshidduchim12.11.20&utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=s4s

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It’s important for both parties in dating to be themselves and stick to the roles they feel most comfortable with. Whether the man is cooking or the woman is bringing home the kosher bacon. But is there more to this than the average Shidduch dater can let on? The Crew discusses certain conventional roles in the relationship that when switched may be more unconventional than you’d think.

1) Of course it’s ok, but is there more to it? 2) Women wanting more Halachic involvement 3) Men wanting more house duties 4) Woman contributing financially 5) Men contributing in Shabbos & decorative aspects of the house 6) Roles exist but are a spectrum and aren't rigid 7) Roles can different based on cultural gender differences - Ashkenaz, Yeshivish, Sephard, BT, etc... 8) Focusing on what makes sense for you vs. for the world 9) Roles in a home are necessary regardless of gender but gender can be a useful way to breakdown responsibilities https://shas4shidduchim.org/?utm_source=nobodytalksshidduchim12.11.20&utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=s4s

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Remember AOL, Netscape or when Netflix was on DVD? Well if you do and you’re single this podcast is calling your name! IJ & Rosie discuss what it’s like to be the “older single”. All the cliches like; soon by you, don’t give up, and why aren’t you married? Is there actually an older singles community? Should you make some game changers when you become an older single?

1) Escaping the older Shidduch talk 2) Does the wall actually get higher for the older girl? For the older guy? 3) Do you hang out with other older singles, or your friends who happen to be married? 4) Older singles may be a problem, but it’s not a disease!! 5) Avoiding negative people 6) Is dating people younger really that big of a deal? 7) Headspace and emotional stability for an older single 8) Keep yourself slightly NEEDY...here’s why 9) I’m not the same person when I started dating in the slightest bit yet I’m the same person

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Welcome to the Friend Zone

Let’s Be Friends... • Can guys and girls be friends with each other? • Can I maintain a friendly relationship with someone I dated? What about someone I dated seriously? • Making shidduchim with people you’ve dated

Make Amends • I mistreated someone who I dated. Should I ask mechillah? How would I even go about that? • I feel I deserve an explanation from someone I previously dated. Should I reach out to them? • The shadchan really messed things up. Should I confront them?

Friends of The Family • I was suggested to a family friend, who would be a good match, but it’s just too weird! • I’m interested in my family friend. How should I, or my parents, approach the situation with the other party?

REJECTED! • I was rejected by my friend who I really like. What should I do?! • Is it possible to exit the friend zone? • I was rejected by a family friend, who I will definitely see again. How do I avoid the inevitable awkwardness?

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Ep 33: The Parent Trap

• Using a parent as your shadchan

• A mother knows best– how much should I trust my parent’s experience/advice?

• My agent will handle this– How involved should my parents be in “handling” my shidduchim? Do I have a responsibility to take part in the process?

• Parental consent– what if my parents nix a good idea for reasons that don’t actually matter to me?

• The Parent Trap– my parents are very controlling and won’t let me make my own dating decisions. How do I break free?

• One man’s treasure... My parents just don’t get me and are trying to match me with the wrong type. What should I do?

• I heard concerning things about his/her parents. Should I end it?

• Pair-rents– do both sets of parents have to be a good shidduch too?

• Mommas boy– I really like the person I’m dating, but he/she has an unhealthily close relationship with his/her parents. Is this a concern?

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A Conversation With Shadchanit Rissel Namark. Discussion: Not just setting singles up but why aren’t they staying together? Is our generation lacking? If so where is that lacking coming from? Parenting issues in the entire process Is calling on the phone like texting? What’s the deal with Chemistry? Most men are not finished products and woman need to accept that Problems with the boss ladies Is it really the divorce thing? Who is too blame for the Shidduch crisis?? The last 20% before you get engaged in the Shidduchim process is a leap of faith...trust in Hashem! When in doubt continue going out!

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Our guest hosts, Chani and Yonah, and their featured guests discuss:

The great compromise - How rigid should your lifestyle expectations be? Reconciling differences in areas such as upbringing, child-rearing, food preference and money-spending.
Deciding you’re not compatible • Are you being too picky? • How to point out concerning behaviors to the shadchan
Personality tests/horoscopes- are they a good barometer?
Friends/Family • What do you do when your family/their family expresses clear distaste for the shidduch? (Elope? Break it off? Work it out?) • What if you like them, but can’t stand their friends/family? • What do you if a friend intervenes and says they think it’s a bad shidduch?
Comfort with expressing disagreement- becoming comfortable telling your date that you disagree, and being told that they disagree with you

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It’s a conversation to have, money talks in Shidduchim. Spending money on dates, paying shadchanim and of course family financial means. 1) Would you date someone who’s poor? Would you date someone who’s rich? Why? 2) When you find the one, what’s the expectation in terms of engagement/wedding gift? Do you/your family intend to stick to the “rules” of who pays for what at the wedding? 3) What kind of lifestyle do you need in a spouse? Frugality vs lavishness. 4) It’s a dog eat dog world: shadchanim who are in it for the money. Do they exist? Have you experienced them? 5) At what point do you feel comfortable spending a lot of money on a date? 6) Getting married when one or both are in school 6) Is there anything wrong with filtering for a rich spouse? 7) Are shadchanim catering to the rich? 8) Do you want to spend big on dates? 9) How to tell they are financially stable/saavy? 10) Are shadchanim catering to the rich?

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Do you feel like you had a "Shidduch experience from Gehenim?". In today's episode the crew and our live call in audience discuss some of their worst date experiences ever, which include: 1) The awkwardness of being set up 2) Another occupation mismatch 3) More foreign shidduch policy disaster! 4) Scary dates, just scary 5) Hikes & Yikes shidduch kind of date 6) Can worst dates turn to great dates? 7) The beltdown meltdown 8) Bayswater drinking stories 9) Unmasking the mask 10) Also Avery calls in

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Ariel Katz from Ahava Radio joins the OG NTS crew, yes that’s Avery, Miss D & IJ. We discuss our progress with the Shidduch podcast as well as a bunch of topic reviews, add-in, and some new stuff on the way.

1) Finding good shadchanim 2) More worst date stories 3) Awkward parent situations 4) Very bad date planning 5) What’s with the HomeDepot date? 6) What are the exact time stamps...traveling, eating..? 7) Music and dating 8) Avery unfiltered :-)

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The Shidduch Podcast crew discusses pictures, they are some daters best asset and others worst nightmare. Many times the picture depicts exactly the kind of vibe of the person and with some...it doesn’t even do it’s just.

1) Do you like using profile pictures? 2) Those who don't do photos/ Those who require photos 3) Can you Google or Insta search their pic? 4) First impressions with the photo 5) What is the source of the actual picture 6) Professional photo shoot or screen shot of their WhatsApp 7) can we actually judge off of a picture? 8) Too provocative or overthinking it? 9) What to do if you need another picture 10) If the picture is too quirky 11) Funniest and maybe sad shadchan picture experiences 12) Our new lightening round segment on the most craziest pictures our audience has gotten!

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IJ, Yona and Chani discuss people who totally stick out of the resume stack. They are different, loud, don’t fit the status quo and just stick out like a soar thumb. Heck they may just be you! Here are our thoughts on those characters and how to understand whether it’s a good Shidduch for you or not.

1) What exactly is someone who is out of the box? 2) Identifying if you are or aren’t 3) Are we examining the Shidduch Resume too much?? 4) What is the cookie-cuter Shidduch perspective 5) Don’t worry they’re very very normal 6) Toning things down: Do you have to calm down your funkiness and quirks? 7) Purple feather in the hat / funky rainbow skirt...when can these things be unloaded! 8) Why can’t they just have a normal profile pic!! 9) I am not judging the person..I am just judging based off of what you sent via what they put out...this is real! 10) Is it being naive or innocence? 11) Things are ambiguous 12) Can we really live above what the general population does with responses? 13) I don’t date from that area (ex: 5T, Monsey, Queens) 14) I’m noticing a pattern where a person from this place/this Yeshiva/this background tends to have this character trait, even though there’s no logical reason that should be. Should I stop dating those types of people?

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In this episode the podcast crew examines the classic responses like: she isn’t my look, he’s not up my alley, I just don’t see it and all of the politically correct responses you’ll need when talking to the shadchan.

Remarks to the Shadchan: 1) She’s not up my alley / He’s not “my type” 2) Why can’t they just have a normal profile pic!! OR they don’t do profile pictures...do they want to get married? 3) Physical Aspects and Resume Info: 4) He’s too short / she’s not my figure type 5) Their just not my look 😏 // I just don’t find them attractive! 6) Too loud/quiet 7) Hashkafically different / Different backgrounds 8) I don’t date from that area (ex: 5T, Monsey, Queens) 9) SPECIFIC ISSUES WITH SHADCHAN: Yes your my mother’s friend but you don’t know me so stop sending me outrageous ideas!!! 10) Enough with your sons sloppy seconds!! 11) Remarks from the Shadchan: I’m sorry you don’t approve of my resume. I’ll be sure to not answer your calls anymore. 12) YESSS a coffee date won't kill me but honestly my time is money and its really just gonna be a big FAT no from me 13) Im doing this for 10 years...just trust me! 14) So should I just not say anything to the shadchan 😡 like they don’t even give a hoot at what I have to say! 15) I just got a few No’s back..so yes I will be sounding brash...if they can be picky why can’t I?? 16) The parents are divorced, I have a problem with that 😕 17) AS YOU DATE THEM: Can you just tell him to stop planning our dates around Starbucks!!!

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The NTS crew (now only IJ) has Guest Hosts Lia, Page and Fefe on to discuss Sephardic and Ashkenazi dating. Also a special message from Avery.

1) Are there really barriers? 2) Identifying the cultures 3) Experiences with the interracial dating 4) What it’s like to date Sephardic 5) What it’s like to date Ashkenazi 6) is it always better to stay with the culture that you grew up with or can there be positives to dating outside your culture cubicle: I.e better pesach minhagim less wait time between meat n dairy lol 7) Does one group have it easier than the other when it comes to dating 8) How do you comment on their culture without criticizing them? 9) Why always giving the benefit of the doubt will help reduce the barrier 10) Getting over fear of being judged by family/friends 11) Determining how to "run" your house in a way that makes both sides happy 12) When is it right to open yourself up to new cultural practices (Food, davening, weddings) 13) Is it worth crossing the divide despite the chaos that relationships may incur 14) When you know they are just not willing to give in enough to make you feel comfortable 15) Sterotyping - Overprotective ashkenazi mother- Tyrannical Sephardic father 16) Areas that you won’t be able to make compromises on

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Conversation do’s and dont’s

The NTS Bros host Blair & Serena, two young daters who have a lot to say. Are there conversations you should avoid? Things that need to be addressed?

1) Serious matters to be discussed 2) Girls are usually more submissive when it comes to expressing there opinion on something (& even guys) 3) I don’t know how to tell you this, but I listen to Goyishe music!! 🤭🙈 4) Avoid Discussing who you dated and why it ended, Especially in the begging 5) Real life preferences like Aliyah, how many kids, etc.. 6) Controversial things: Politics 7) If you want to be more frum 8) if you want to be more modern 9) When to compliment the person 10) You look so beautiful 11) There’s an issue in my family I need to tell you about 12) Do you go to Minyan 3 times a day? 13) I don’t daven with a minyan 14) Can you dress better? Have you listened to NTS Ep 21!! Haha 15) I am falling in love with you 16) Finances 17) I hate Rabbis, shadchanim and all ‘em people I shouldn’t maybe be hating BTW 18) I’m not sure if I want to cover my hair 19) Lashon Hara 20) Places, travel and adventure 21) Don’t prolong things 22) Rule breaking and law breaking

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Looking back after it all ended The podcast crew brings on a married couple, one party who dated for many years and one who dated for a little bit. Now that they are married we discuss how hard dating was and what we can do to try to make it easier. Here are some things we get to...

1) what would they change, What did they like? 2) Are we looking for reasons why the date shouldn’t or didn’t work? 3) Can we persevere when being Shidduch downtrodden? 4) Are we seeing you many Shadchanim? 5) Rabbi Vs. The Shadchanit 6) What was the biggest struggle with Parents 7) what was the easiest of it all? 8) How did they know Vs when they were told 9) Shadchan experience 10) Family experience? 11) Real challenges singles face as relationship continues 12) What separated the person you married from others you dated 13) How to continue to see the light at the end of the tunnel 14) Lowest points of shidduch dating 15) Getting feedback from the shadchan or from the girl directly 16) It might have been inconsiderate, but I didn’t consider that guy to be inconsiderate

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21 Are girls judged more harshly for how they dress or don't dress up? 1) What should you avoid wearing? 2) If you wear tights are you really frum? 3) Smartest thing to wear? 4) If you don’t like how they dress? 5) Comfort clothing...what date #? 6) The Flatbush look? 5 Towns look? Out of Towns look?!! 7) When can he wear shorts? 8) When he doesn’t let you know it’s a casual date and you show up in a PradaHow is this 9) what happens to Khakis, Jeans & Pigtails? 10) The "Torah" takes on style attraction and getting dressed up (Tznius) 11) Should fashion attire matter for the resume picture? 12) Is it really a make or break? 13) You find their old instagram with “questionable photos” 14) insecurity if the other person dresses too well 15) When can she lighten up on the Tznius thing

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2 more singles join the Shidduch Podcast Crew to respond to the taking a break now, later or never? Are you thinking about Taking a break?

Should I take a break?
Benefits of taking a break
How long should a break be?
Wrong reasons for taking a break (partying, stressing over work, stressing over family)
When you are on a quarantine break
When you're on a cold streak and don't want to call it a break
Reviewing resumes during a break
Should you tell people you are just not dating now? 9: Does exiting a serious relationship lead you to a break
Jumping back in too early

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Dr. Rachael Schindler & Therapist Eli Weinstein joins the Shidduch Podcast Crew. Are you thinking about Taking a break?

Should I take a break?
Benefits of taking a break
How long should a break be?
Wrong reasons for taking a break (partying, stressing over work, stressing over family)
When you are on a quarantine break
When you're on a cold streak and don't want to call it a break
Reviewing resumes during a break
Should you tell people you are just not dating now? 9: Does exiting a serious relationship lead you to a break
Jumping back in too early

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3 Singles Discuss there Shidduch dating experience while under quarantine. Zoom Dating isn’t new, thousands of singles have done FaceTimes before. But now we are all long distance dating with the COVID19 pandemic. After all said and done, will you both go your Separate Zoom ways? Or is it possible to maintain or start a relationship like this??

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My best friend’s engaged.... now what? 1. The difference between how guys and girls react and deal with it. 2. Reasons why its hard: can friendship be the same? Being single and healing from a breakup. 3. Letting go even though you love your BFF. 4. Recognizing your own feelings that come with this. 6. Life after they get married / learning how to remain close - is it possible? 7. Feelings on your friend for leaving you alone. 8. Hating their spouse, do you tell them? 9. Handling loneliness. 11. Eating, working or drinkng your way through your feelings. 12. Incorporating your friend and their spouse in your life (3rd wheel syndrome). 13. How involved you are in engagement/wedding plans 14. Family members using your friend as an example. 15. Now she wants to set you up with all her friends. This week's episode is sponsored by Audible http://www.audibletrial.com/NobodyTalksShidduchim

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Have you ever had someone you were ready to marry and they somehow they got away, in this week's episode the crew discusses some their own experiences with the "one that got away". What is the Disney Effect? Do you have any regrets? Who should you speak to? What would you tell them if you had 2nd chance? Also included is a bonus purim segment which we hope you enjoy. This week's episode is sponsored by Audible http://www.audibletrial.com/nobodytalksshidduchim.

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Are there other ways to date? - w/ The Modox Matchmakers Getting setup through friends, online dating, app dating and of course social media dating...hm 🧐😄🎧. Also the differences of growing up in a CoEd Hebrew Academy vs Yeshiva & helping us explore the benefits and challenges. This week's episode which is sponsored by Audible, http://www.audibletrial.com/nobodytalksshidduchim.

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In today's episode we discuss who has it tougher in shidduchim the guys or the girls?

We cover many different areas where the girls have it tougher including break ups, resumes, and the emotional aspect of dating.

Also debated are some of the challenges for guys when it comes to the logistics of dating, which we discuss with our callers in a humorous and thoughtful way.

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For today's episode we brought on the Brooklyn Food Snob AKA Rivkie, who is known as one of the foremost experts in NYC food & date spots . We discuss a wide range of issues that can take place when going on a food date. Some of which include, bringing back leftovers, the friendly neighbor approaching you, and can you take that Instagram photo in front of your date?

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Do you feel like you had a "shidduch experience from Gehenim?". In today's episode the crew and our new live call in audience discuss some of their worst date experiences ever, which include: The awkwardness of being set up at a wedding, occupation mismatch, and a foreign shidduch policy disaster!

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The gang discusses revisiting a person you had previously went out with before. What if they wanted to revisit with you? What if you wanted to revisit with them? Here are the practical thoughts of singles who have been there...on both ends.

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The podcast crew gets heated over dating 2 people at the same time! They not only discuss some issues that can come but also the warranted reasoning behind it!

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Featuring renowned Dating Coach & Shadchan Hanna Kahana. In this epsiode the crew discusses- How you know things are getting serious? The signs to know your shidduch is serious about you and how many dates until we’ve broached the daunting subject of meeting the parents?

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Love them or hate them singles events are marketed to singles constantly! The Nobody Talks Shidduchim Crew discusses personal experiences, best game plans and how to handle yourself at one of these things!

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The Nobody Talks Shidduchim Crew (now with Miss D) discuss age’s role in Shidduchim. At what age is a good time to start dating and how many years can there be between you and shidduch ideas.

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We welcome Miss D to the podcast as our guest Co-Host who is representing the women’s voice in Shidduchim! In this weeks episode we discuss unforeseen occurrences that can end a date a lot earlier than planned.

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In “Don’t let her plan the date”, our hosts discuss the controversies regarding boys planning the dates, how to plan your dates? Whether to go to a restaurant or lounge? What's an action date? And of course the controversial concept of can she pick up the check?

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Give your Resume some character with a write up. In this episode we delve into some other tips for references, a resume outline & what you should be writing up in the write up!

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We start off on how to structure the resume and then get into the topic of references. Ever have a bad reference? Have you ever called a reference? Get ready for some of the best questions to ask those references listed on a Shidduch Resume.

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Dealing with shadchanim can be a hands full! Your friends, friend’s mom, your moms friend, your boss’s cousin... Here are the complaints and tips for your best Shadchan experience.

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A shidduch podcast series exclusively for talking shiduchim in the Jewish Dating world. For Jewish religious orientations: Modern Orthodox, Yeshivish, Hassidic, Lubavitch, Conservative and Machmir.

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It’s a subject that not too many want to hear or discuss. Nobody Talks Shidduchim is a podcast for those who are facing a true challenge in American Jewish dating. Did we scare you yet? Here you are not alone. There are so many others struggling in Shidduchim and it’s time us singles had a voice for it!

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Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/shidduchim/message Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/shidduchim/support