The Darkness Of My Soul: Recent Episodes
Raven and Esper
the darkness of my soul is a journey through the twisted painful crevices of the human heart. a pain that we seek to augment with the darkest treasures of 1980s goth rock pop and industrial oddities.
Raven and Marshall are hosting the show together as Esper is still in Tahiti using Marshall’s timeshare.
Marshall has gone full blown goth.
Raven: I really can’t believe you got your teeth filed into fangs. What kind of dentist would do that?Marshall: Oh he wasn’t a dentist. He was like a Puerto Rican pimp or something.
Marshall claims to be a vampire.
Raven begins questioning whether Marshall even killed Coach Salinas, or if anything he says is true.
Raven: I need a co-host who doesn't have wacky delusions every week. You think you're a vampire, Esper thinks he's a ballerina.
Marshall claims to have married a pregnant woman's stomach and that he raised his wife from birth. He also performs a beautiful version of "the Killing Time" by Echo and the Bunnymen.
This is the last episode Raven hosted before he mysteriously disappeared. Esper has been frantically searching for him, and desperately needs answers as to his whereabouts. If you have any information about the whereabouts of Raven Connors, please email:
thedarknessofmysoul@gmail.com
Raven's Haiku:
Singing Grease in here I don't want to hear it now My eyes cry dry tears
Raven and Marshall Herschell are hosting the show, as Esper has taken off for Tahiti to stay at Marshall’s timeshare.Marshall doesn’t want to discuss sports, he wants to talk about sorrow and pain. Marshall: You gotta understand that the average sports fan is really just a depressed low-life scum bag who needs to fill a void. I am one of those scum bags and tonight I’m ready to dwell in sorrow. Raven didn’t know how to check if people were tweeting @ the darkness of my soul until this episode, so he has a backlog of tweets to read. Aging punk rocker Liam calls in and cries with Marshall.Liam’s stories involving Richard Branson become more and more similar to Marshall’s stories involving Coach Salinas. Raven talks about his feelings regarding Boberan.Marshall has a bone to pick with Sanctuary Curio Shoppe. He calls them on air and leaves a message. Marshall: For all you people listening, I hope you enjoy your Tim Burton movie tonight and I hope you have the special black liquorice popcorn seasoning, which you can only buy from vampiresunlimited.net - Your only source for gothic popcorn toppings.Raven: You’re going to get us in trouble Marshall, you’re doing unauthorized advertising and insulting other businesses on air.Marshall: and I killed a man.
Raven and Esper… and Marshall Herschell are in the studio for the show. Marshall: Hi I’m Marshall Herschell, you’re listening to the Darkness of My Soul; that controversial sports talk radio show, which is a small island of free speech in a sea of controlled and managed sports news. Insanity. Aging punk rocker Liam calls in.Marshall hijacks reality. Marshall: …by turning my song off and getting mad at the fact that I made a bowel movement in the corner while waving a gun around is in fact hypocritical! Now I wanna hear what you callers think. Now is Raven indeed wrong in making that statement? Caller one you’re on the air.Raven: There’s no one there Marshall, they’re all scared of you. 42 minutes and 30 seconds into the show sums everything up.
Both our heroes are in solid form.
Esper: Are you drunk? Raven: no I don’t ever get drunk before the program Esper: Last week you could barely stand up. You urinated all over this chair I’m sitting on.
Raven and Esper reflect on the previous Christmas that they spent in prison.
Raven gives Esper a very thoughtful Christmas present. Esper gives Raven the same present he gave him last year; a broken old mug. Raven is not impressed.
Raven: It’s a mug. A dirty mug and it looks like you found it in a bunch of slush that says “worlds greatest dad”
Raven thinks he is having a nervous breakdown.
Marshall Herschell calls into the show for the first time. He admits to having finally killed Coach Salinas and announces that he’s coming to Edmonton to stay with Raven and Esper.
It’s going to be a dark Christmas.
Featuring Marshall Herschell Pain Mail # 22
Esper is back from his trip and Raven is extremely drunk and extremely upset.
An incredibly drunk and sad man calls in.
An amazing episode from beginning to end.
Featuring Marshall Herschell Pain Mail #21
Raven’s Haiku(s):
Too much to drink now Everything looks double now I see and I see
Drunk Raven on-air With Esper we like pain to Feed our addiction
Sitting in a chair I wonder why I live life My life is pointless
Raven is alone.
After many years he still hasn’t quite mastered the art of the haiku.
Raven has no idea where Esper might be. He calls Esper and finds out that he is in Idaho at a ballet school.
Raven reads some letters from listeners.
Raven: If you would like to be lightly mocked on the air for having feelings you can write to the darkness of my soul…
Aging punk rocker Liam calls in with some tantalizing tales of Richard Branson.
Featuring Marshall Herschell Pain Mail # 20
Raven’s Haiku(s):
All alone alone I sit in an empty room My life alone My…
Esper never came I sit and wait why do I? Here I sit broken
Esper is trying to get his ballet bod back through working out. He spent two weeks in Vegas at “Ballerina for Dummies”
Raven is looking for a new place to live. He doesn’t want to live with Stanley and Esper anymore, as Stanley is getting more and more involved in his sexual antics and is starting his own religion.
Raven is also still on the hunt for Boberan.
Raven: I talked to the police about it; they don’t seem too worried. Esper: Why? What did they say? Raven: … well they already have a domestic abuse charge against her so they said I was better off. Then I cried in the police station. Mascara running all down onto the police desk. Esper: Did they charge you for that? Did they like… beat you for that? Raven: No they fined me though – “Getting Mascara on a police desk” - it’s $50 Esper: What’s the charge? Raven: I just told you – “Getting Mascara on a police desk” Esper: I know… but I just meant… what did they charge you? Raven: Getting Mascara on a police desk. Esper: Right, but how much will it cost you? Raven: $50 Esper: Ok. That’s what I was wondering. Raven: This is like that “Who’s on first?” bit we did once. Esper: That wasn’t a bit. It was a conversation.
In the passed two weeks; goth has gotten huge! And our heroes are ready to take credit for it.
Aging punk rocker Liam calls in again with more Richard Branson related problems.
Raven: your stories have a similar narrative arc as another contributor to this show- I wonder if you know him; his name is Marshall Herschell. He’s got a nemesis – or at least he had one a long time ago – actually in the 80’s as well – did you ever know him? Maybe meet him on tour while you were in Florida or something? Liam: Marshall Herschell… let me think… Raven: because he always writes in and he talks about his pain from the past and there’s a coach who is always humiliating him – it’s very similar to your Richard Branson – who is always humiliating you. Liam: That name sounds familiar and I think I know why… Raven: Really? Liam: …because I plug my Gibson Les Paul into a Marshal and give it a strum!
MC Jiggy also calls in and talks in rhyme about his pain.
Raven’s Haiku:
Dead horses are dead The carousel spins alone My life My horse My…
Right at the start; Esper cues Leonard Nemo instead of Leonard Cohen. Raven is not impressed.
Esper: Perhaps it’s safe to say the “Search for Spock” was nothing for than “Finding Nemo” – I made that up just now. Raven: What is the “Search for Spock”? Esper: It’s a film starring Leonard Nemo
It is hot in the studio and Esper is wearing nothing… again. He tapes ice packs to his chest, and tapes one to Raven too.
A caller named Liam calls in for the first time. He’s an old punk rocker who seems to have problems with English entrepreneur Richard Branson.
A man named German Beef calls in with a pain that his two-year old daughter doesn’t want anything to do with him.
German: My baby girl. She’s all grown up. She doesn’t want anything to do with me. Raven: Ok German. We’re going to have to let you go. German: She hates me! Esper: I thought you said she was two? She isn’t really grown up at all. German: She hates me!
Raven and Esper talk more about how they don’t want to talk about prison. It is revealed that they were in prison from June 2012 to September 2013
Our heroes reflect on their old hopes and dreams. Raven wanted to be an artist and Esper; a ballerina.
Esper decides he will get back into ballet.
Esper: I’ve never been in better shape… well I guess that isn’t true at all. Raven: I don’t know if you’ve ever been in worse shape.
Featuring Marshall Herschell Pain Mail # 19 He has kicked heroin and moved to Tahiti
Raven’s Haiku:
So many people All crying tears of pain Pain My eyes stream with woe
Memorable Quotes:
Raven: We are here every week playing goth music and talking about goth things: like the big black void that I sit on my mattress and stare into… Esper: What? You have a… I’ve never seen that in your room.
It is really hot in the studio and Esper takes his clothes off. Raven is displeased. Raven and Esper are living together for the second time. Esper finds Raven to be “pretty depressing” – especially having to listen to his constant crying.
Neither Esper or Raven want to talk about their year in prison, or the genie.
Somebody writes in to the show that Esper thinks may be one of his patients from when he was a doctor.
A lot of callers and a lot of pain emails on this episode.
Featuring Marshall Herschell Pain Mail # 18 In this letter, Marshall sounds more desperate and crazy than ever.
Raven’s Haiku/s:
My pain is so hot I burn from the inside out My eyes melt in heat
Gypsy wilderness In the Comox Valley Why? beside your pain be
Memorable quotes:
Raven: Sometimes our clothes make us feel uncomfortable; you don’t just take them off in front of your friends. Esper: Why not? Raven: Because I don’t want to look at your sweaty hairy chest. It looks like you just took a shower. You’re soaking wet. I can’t believe how much you sweat. Esper: Well it’s like 800 degrees in here. Raven: I’m still keeping my cape and turtleneck on. Esper: yeah and you’re dripping all over the place Raven: That’s true, but at least I’m dripping with dignity. Esper: Your hair is stuck to your forehead, it doesn’t look very dignified. You look like you’ve been crying. Your back eye shadow is running down your cheeks. You look like a member of Kiss at a funeral or something. Raven: I think that looks alright. Gene Simmons after a horrible loss. Ace Freely not feeling so freely.
Esper: I wish I was still a doctor so I could help him. Raven: I think he needs rehab; you weren’t a rehab doctor. Esper: I was an everything doctor. Raven: You weren’t an everything doctor. Esper: I helped all kinds of people when I was a doctor. Raven: You may have helped all kinds of people when you were a doctor, but that certificate that you had that said, “Everything Doctor” was made by you. Just because you considered yourself a doctor of certificates as well, doesn’t mean you can just make a certificate with new credentials on it.
Esper is back in black from his trip abroad. He has been staying with Stanley (and Stangelina… Stanley’s split personality that he is also in love with) since he got back, in Stanley's huge apartment that he can afford due to his successful law-suit with the Edmonton Police for wrongful imprisonment. Esper invites Raven to come live there too.
Esper explains what happened to him in Honk Kong. He wasn’t “technically” kidnapped. He was part of a Hong Kong reality show where tourists are led to believe they’re kidnapped. “It was very realistic; I was stripped naked and beaten for hours, but then when they were like, “oh it’s a show” I was given a free nice hotel room for a week. Of course, in the hotel room I was stripped naked and beaten too. But after that I got a free first-class flight home. But then at the airport, during the security thing, I was also stripped naked and beaten. It was a nice trip to Hong Kong.”
Raven brings up “the Genie” that Esper started seeing while they were in prison, and whom Esper still believes is real.
Murphy Higgins calls in again. If you believe, you can achieve.
Featuring: Marshall Hershel Pain Mail # 17 In this letter, Marshall announces that he is coming to Edmonton, and that he and Raven should live together, and do the radio show together, and incorporate sports.
Memorable quotes:
Raven: Esper, Stanley is one Woolly Mammoth. He can’t have a threesome; he just thinks there are two of him.
Esper: If you’re going to move in with Stanley, Stangelina, and I – you have to be accepting of their relationship. And let me tell you, it’s amazing what a year in prison will do to the sex drive of a male and female Woolly Mammoth trapped in one body.
Raven: Halloween is a sham holiday. All hallows eve my foot. It’s just when all the non-goths dress up and get all spooky, and then they just go to their stupid button down jobs tomorrow, or the next day… while I’m still living on the street eating out of garbage cans, returning bottles just so I can get my cape dry-cleaned.
Raven is still homeless. Still alone. Still incredibly depressed.
Featuring: Marshall Hershel Pain Mail # 16
Memorable Quotes:
Murphy Higgins: If you believe you can achieve.
Raven: A couple of years ago I set out to expose the fallacy that is facebook and add everyone on it. Then everyone will realize what a fake and phony social networking site it is. You can be friends with everyone, even if you don’t know them. So help me achieve my goal of being friends with everyone on facebook so I can finally, one day, release a status so miserable that it sheds light on all the lies in the lives of everyone. Yes, that’s right.
Raven: All the men’s shelters are closed so I’ll have to sleep on a bench this evening. Oh the things I do for this show.
Raven is hosting the show all by himself again.
He has been living in homeless shelters, Boberan has ran off, and he is miserable.
Esper calls in and claims he is in Hong Kong and has been kidnapped.
Then another Esper… Esper Diago calls in and claims he has been kidnapped.
Esper Diago just wants one last song request before he dies because his kidnappers are listening to CJSR.
Esper Banyon just wants to live through the night.
Raven just wants to do a radio show.
Featuring: Marshall Hershel Pain Mail #15
The first real episode of The Darkness of my Soul’s final season has Esper still travelling the world. Raven has replaced Esper with a new host: Emir O’Hanlon
Esper and Sean both call in and Marshall Hershel writes in with Pain Mail # 14
Darkness ensues… only one small problem: prunes
Memorable Quotes:
Raven: …that’s our bread and butter here at the Darkness of my Soul, or should I say, our pizza pops and wine
Emir: Our Prune Juice and Goat Cheese
Raven: ughh Emir. I don’t mean to be ridiculous, this seems ridiculous… but you can’t keep mentioning prunes. Just stop.
Emir: My dad used to always say, “when life has you down and out, just take a prune, put it in your mouth, chew on it, and let all the pain of the world just disappear into your belly”
Raven: Prunes are disgusting. They’re little and shrivelled. They’re like little poops that you put in your mouth, made of fruit.
It is the CJSR Fun-Drive and Raven is alone because Esper has taken off to see the world after having been released from prison.
Raven is miserable as usual and is discouraging of the fun-drive, but people still want to donate.
Long-time volunteers for CJSR; Lachlan Hubble and Sam Dench fill-in for Raven and Esper on the Darkness Of My Soul.
People only recently became aware that DOMS had been running in re-runs for a full year, due to Raven and Esper having been thrown in jail for multiple murders.
Lachlan and Sam announce that if Raven and Esper don’t return to radio the following week than DOMS will be cancelled forever.
Through doing the fill-on; Lachlan and Sam discover their inner pain that they didn’t even know was there.
Raven is certain Boberan has been abducted by aliens or the government. He plays a clip as evidence.A caller named Sean calls in with his own theories.John and Jim were found in Taber, AB with their memories erased. Probably as part of the Boberan kidnapping conspiracy.Raven discovers that the podcast (this podcat) holds information that neither of our heroes knew about... like this:http://thedarknessofmysoul.podbean.com/2010/12/09/apr27-2010-it%E2%80%99s-boberan/ The first ever pain Email (P-mail) from Marshall Hershel is read on this episode.Esper's nose is whistly.
Raven's Haiku Poltergeist my face is but a skeleton skullReality I "You ever see "Conspiracy Theory" Raven?""You're pulling a Mel, as we say in the industry"
After being electrocuted, Esper gets a visit from Dr.Keyes in the hospital who reveals that the shock stopped Esper's intelligence from dropping anymore. After some testing, his doctorate, elements and compounds, and pride are taken away from him. Raven is extremely depressed about Boberan and trying to deal with his pain in art school. He creates a Painsicle stick Boberan. Raven and Esper decide to start a band. They decide on a name: Transylvanian President
Despite all their problems they agree that, "things may be bad, but at least Dr.Contutyul is helping us"
Raven's Haiku:
The paincakes in spain They fall mainly on the pain Pain Pain Pain Pain Pain
It is the last Darkness Of My Soul that begins at Midnight (the witching hour).Raven insists that the Pain Line and the Pain Text Line are no longer a part of the show.Esper keeps breaking down into crying fits.Raven has started seeing Dr.Contutyul as well. They both agree they have been crying more since starting her hypnosis therapy for depression. "Raven, you look like a fat Hitler's mom"
Raven's Haiku: White white snow black heartExhaust flows from the bus pipeMy life blows away
Our heroes are extremely depressed and doing nothing with their lives. Raven goes back to art school after a couple years hiatus.Esper continues to see Dr.Contutyul. She has started a hypnosis therapy to treat his depression.He reveals that the hypnosis sessions sometimes last hours and he often awakens in strange places with weird smells. Esper is convinced there are two SPK's: The late 70's/early 80's dark industrial noise band, and the mid 80's/early 90's cheesy synth-pop band. Raven face palms. Hilarity ensues.
Raven's Haiku My phone sits quietNo one calls it wont ring itwont ring it wont it
Memorable quotes: Esper: Rena used to say, "you're my little onion breath smelling man"Raven: That doesn't sound like a compliment Raven: I used to be a lot deeperEsper: I thought you were going to say thinner, better looking... cleaner. Raven:People eat a lot at Christmas timeEsper: How many Christmas times did you have? Raven:At least people won't say I look like Michael Cera anymore.Esper: Well they'll just say you look like a fat Michael Cera
Esper finally comes to terms with what happened in outer space and faces reality. He is upset.Christmas has just passed and our heroes are both extremely depressed. Esper is so upset he decides to go speak with Dr.Contutyul.She is... helpful? Raven realizes through clips from past episodes that Boberan may have been abducted by S.P.O.O. (Sound Poets out and outraged) There is Chris Isaak, the spirit of Rena Ruptash, and tears...
Memorable quotes: Raven: Santa isn't realEsper: Really?Raven: Yes Esper, Santa isn't realEsper: Did I know that? Is that something I was in denial about? Esper's Haiku: Denial: one wordLove: One word - Never againPain is all I know