My Emotional Armor: Recent Episodes
Cindy Khoo
My Emotional Armor is where we discuss the effects of covert narcissistic parenting. It is a safe place for survivors to share their stories, learn to heal, and regain their sense of self.
Today I address a listener question about triangulation and family roles within the covert narcissistic family dynamic. I discuss the Karpman Drama Triangle, what to watch for, and how to get out of it.
Tamara Hill - How to Deal with Triangulation: Practical Tips
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WLiHiHrriJk
Tamara Hill - What is Triangulation in Toxic Parenting?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O5AlmonDF1A&t=566s
In previous episodes I’ve talked about finding a support system to help cope with your CNP. Today's episode talks about how to do this effectively and why this doesn’t always work out well. In fact if you go seeking support in the wrong places, it can lead to even more feelings of invalidation.
RESOURCES MENTIONED:
- Dr. Ramani
- Vital Mind Psychology
- Lisa Romano - Breakthrough Life Coach
When you start to shine a light on your past, you see all the things that went wrong. This results in feelings of frustration, disappointment, and hurt which are all base emotions that lead to anger. When you grieve the childhood you should’ve had, it’s natural to experience intense anger through this process. This episode covers the causes of that anger and some tips for dealing with it.
- Flying Monkey by Dr. Ramani: https://youtu.be/lDclCIFQML8
- Enabler by Dr. Ramani: https://youtu.be/JZEyLwy6Z9s
- Scapegoat by Dr. Ramani https://youtu.be/-vgnalJmMUk
Today's episode is dedicated to a listener, Bella. Though I can’t speak to Bella’s hardships specifically, I can speak to the strength that she and all survivors of covert narcissistic trauma possess. There are some key gifts - or superpowers - as I’m calling it in this episode that you gained from your experience.
Referenced:
Dr. Ramani's Caregiving for a Narcissist - https://youtu.be/YXCZ63l47zI
Ever notice how covert narcissists seem to always be the bearers of bad news? In this episode we explore why that is and what to do about it.
Referenced:
Vital Minds Psychology - Why Covert Narcissists Love Your Misfortune (Understanding Schadenfreude)
https://youtu.be/bJjc-gaeUqs
In part 2, I discuss the other two attachment styles - dismissive avoidant and secure - in comparison with anxious attachment within the context of covert narcissism. We also explore ways to develop self-trust by starting small and working up to a series of "wins," which results in slow but sure integration of your anxiety and past into your everyday life.
Referenced:
Free Mood Tracker App
http://www.moodtrack.com/
In this part 1 of 2 series, I discuss why covert narcissistic parenting typically leads to an anxiously attached child and adult. We also explore this in comparison to the fearful attachment style within the context of covert narcissism. In part 2, we'll continue with the other two attachment styles (dismissive and secure), as well as tips for working through your own anxious attachment.Referenced:
Referenced:
The Personal Development School https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCHQ4lSaKRap5HyrpitrTOhQ
In this episode, Cindy Khoo takes on a listener question: Do Covert Narcissists Hurt You on Purpose or is it Subconscious? She breaks down the important difference between harm that's inflicted on purpose vs. by accident. Also addressed are the habitual motivations of the covert narcissist and how to deal. The answer to the question is more complicated than you think and may surprise you!
Mentioned in this episode: "The Covert Passive Aggressive Narcissist" by Debbie Mirza
The Polite Robot method is a level of interaction you may wish to have with your covert narcissistic parent. It is similar to Dr. Ramani's "Soul Distancing," but allows you to exhibit a safe level of compassion and connection with your CNP if you wish.
Dr. Ramani Videos on Covert Narcissism
Part 1: https://youtu.be/mNFIQ46-s-A
Part 2: https://youtu.be/4euend-XfEA
Part 3: https://youtu.be/5Ll2lYIY-zI
In My Emotional Armor's inaugural episode, Cindy Khoo discusses how being the child of a narcissistic parent negatively effects decision making as an adult.