Dr. Ross Greene: Recent Episodes
Dr Ross Greene
Dr. Ross Greene, originator of the Collaborative & Proactive Solutions model and author of The Explosive Child, Lost at School, Lost & Found, and Raising Human Beings, provides guidance to parents on understanding and helping kids with social, emotional, and behavioral challenges...along with his co-hosts Kim Hopkins-Betts (Director of Outreach at Lives in the Balance) and parents Jennifer Trethewey, and Stella Hastings.
We are back for the 2024-25 school year! ...and using new technology to hopefully resolve previous audio issues. In this edition of The CPS Podcast, Dr. Greene responds to a TikTok-er who is spreading misinformation about the CPS Model. A good listen whether you are a parent, educator, provider or other caring adult!
There's legislation pending in Massachusetts that would ban suspension for students in grades K-3. An admirable effort, but it drew some very ineresting responses from readers of The Boston Glove, which reported on this effort. Those responses tell us we still have a lot more work to do to ensure that caregivers understand the true factors that cause kids' concerning behaviors...and why a suspension would do far more harm than good.
In the March edition of the CPS Podcast, we take a deep dive into Plan C (in the CPS model, Plan C refers to putting an expectation on hold, at least for now). While those familiar with CPS recognize that Plan C is a very important part of prioritizing expectations -- and stabilizing some kids -- putting expectations on hold is frequently misinterpreted as "giving in" and "giving up," and some caregivers have pressures being placed on them that make it very difficult to put ANY expectations on hold.
On this month's program, we took a deep dive into "new" Applied Behavior Analysis (ABA) and whether its emphasis on assent and compassion really changes anything. Featuring guests Cindy Andree-Bowen and Shani Mandel.
The special topic on today's program was Coping Strategies: Are We Teaching Kids to Be Early or Late? Unfortunately, many of the coping strategies we're teaching kids these days teach them to cope once they're already frustrated. That's late. What should we be empahasizing instead? Teaching kids how to identify, anticipate, and solve the problems that are causing them to become frustrated in the first place. That's early. And we were also able to respond to an email and help out a mom who called in with a difficult situation with her son.
Today's program -- Voices of the Neurodivergent Community: What We Need You to Know -- features an interview with Jenny Hunt, a published multidisciplinary researcher that focuses on medicine, medical law, and ethics. Recently, they shifted their interest to Neurodiversity and go by the online name Autistic Sighentist.
Our guest hosts, Alex Spencer (formerly principal of the Alternate Learning Centers in the New York City Public Schools) and Ben Jones (Director of Legal and Policy Initiatives at Lives in the Balance) described their personal experience with and data related to the disproportionate use of punitive, exclusionary discipline with Black and Brown students and those with with disabilities.
On the first Tuesday of every month, at 11 am Eastern time, from September through May, Dr. Ross Greene and Lives in the Balance Director of Outreach Kim Hopkins cover a wide range of topics related to how we understand and treat our kids -- especially those with concerning behavior -- and the Collaborative & Proactive Solutions (CPS) model. Whether you're a parent, a grandparent, an educator, a mental health clinician, or just someone who cares about kids, you can call into the program to get your questions answered or submit them via email here. And, if you can't listen live, all the programs are archived on i-Tunes. Today's program topic: De-escalation is not crisis prevention.
We had an update from one previous caller (Plan C for the win!), an email about how to use the model with toddlers, and another caller who is worried about her 18 year-old son who seems to have regressed considerably. Check out the advice given about the CPS Model across a range of ages! We will be back in September - You can call into the program to get your questions answered or submit them via email here. And, if you can't listen live, all the programs are archived on i-Tunes.
We were able to clear some of our email backlog in today's episode and talk through how a grandparent could bring up CPS to her daughter who is parenting a challenging child, what to do when solutions don't work, and using the model with a kiddo who appears to be cognitively rigid. Have a listen!
Interesting discussion about how step 1 - the Empathy Step - of the CPS Model helps us to understand the inner worlds of our children and how they perceive things...which often can be very different from how we adults perceive things. Important not to skip this step if we are going to help them durably solve problems! Hear the surprising information our caller learned when she talked with her child about what makes it hard to engage in CPS and problem solve things that are not going well. We also briefly answered an email regarding sensory issues.
Thanks to two callers, we were able to talk through some of the key things that get in the way of Plan B getting off the ground - have a listen!
Happy New Year! Thanks to a caller, we were able to visit many important aspects of the CPS Model by hearing about an early attempt at Plan B with her 15 year old son.
Amazing discussions with our two callers today, both parents whose kids are struggling with school. We covered many of the nuances of solving problems collaboratively, but it all starts with making sure you're clear on what's making it hard for a kid to meet a particular expectation.
There's always some detective work to be done when Plan B doesn't go as well as hoped. Our team responded to some inquiries about that on today's podcast, but -- as is often to case with Plan B -- the team needed more info to be maximally helpful. The team was in rare form today...
Thanks to a caller, we got a wonderful gift by helping to restore her hope, perspective, and energy for Plan B! Lots of good info about how to go from Plan C to Plan B, plus ALSUP and drilling tips.
On our last program before the Summer break, we talked with two callers about what to do when solutions aren't truly mutually satisfactory.
We covered a few emails on today's program, including one from a parent that sparked a great conversation about whether Plan B is a way to get the adult's expectation met - the answer is "possibly" - listen for details! Also, trouble shooting screen time-related Plan B.
An abbreviated (30 minutes) program today, but lots of territory covered...including how to apply Plan B to disrespectful behaviors. (Hint: you won't be working on the disrespect directly.)
You can't solve everything at once, so you'll have to be selective in choosing problems to start solving first. The algorithm: safety, frequency, and gravity. Thanks to a mom who called in, you'll get a real-life example on this program.
The standard advice is defuse, de-escalate, and keep everyone safe. But Collaborative & Proactive Solutions goes further than that. It's crucial to identify and solve the problem that caused the child to become physically aggressive in the first place. Once the problem is solved, the child won't become physically aggressive in response to it anymore. And if you're only defusing, de-escalating, and keeping everyone safe, the problem won't get solved.
Lots of helpful topics covered today including adjusting the model for kids with language difficulties, drilling for information, wording unsolved problems, and more!
If only solving problems collaboratively was really easy! Well, sometimes it is, but sometimes some fairly common roadblocks can get in the way, and on today's program we talked about a bunch of 'em, thanks to our callers and emailers.
Well, aside from providing guidance to a few parents on diffiuclties they're experiencing with their children, we also heard from a parent who feels strongly that government shouldn't tell parents how to parent. While we didn't agree completely, it gave us a good opportunity to listen, something that seems in short supply these days...
On our first program of the fall, we heard from a mom who's having trouble engaging her son in Plan B...and having trouble keeping her energy up to stick with the process. Hopefully the guidance of our panel was helpful.
Does behavior belong in step 2? How do you find your "window in" with a reluctant older teen? Dealing with guilt over giving in...all these topics and more were covered on today's episode.
But probably not the "f" word you're thinking of. And, when it comes to wording unsolved problems well, even "f" words are relevant.
Two callers provided lots of great conversation today - everything from sibling strife, can an adult's concern be "I feel disrespected," and how to revisit a solution that isn't working.
Findings from the Lives in the Balance survey on Parenting During the Pandemic are now available on the Lives in the Balance website, and were discussed at the beginning of the program. Then we heard from a mom whose first attempt at Plan B went a lot better than she realized.
Thanks to four parents who emailed us with questions, this podcast provides a great overview of the basic components of identifying and solving problems collaboratively and proactively. Nothing beats real life...
After helping a mom sort through the ins and outs of doing Plan B with her son, we turned our attention to email, including one from a mom who was concerned that doing Plan B meant she was always going to be accomodating her son's problems. Good to get that cleared up.
On today's program, we responded to a mom whose son was having difficulty participating in the Define Adult Concerns step and Invitation step of Plan B, prompting some hopefully helpful words of wisdom from our panel. Also covered: should consuquences be used in tandem with Plan B...and should parents explain Plan B to kids before doing it?
And we're back...with the first segment of Parenting Your Challenging Child of the fall, after a very tumultuous summer. We responded to two moms with specific concerns about how to approach unsolved problems using Plans B and C, but a lot of the themes were the same as usual, whether related to parenting or society: the importance of listening to each other, empathizing with one another's concerns, and solving problems collaboratively.
Whether the schools in your neck of the woods are opening or not, the pandemic continues to present parents with major challenges. Here's your opportunity to vent, ask questions, and share ideas, and get some guidance from Dr. Greene, Kim Hopkins-Betts, and Deb Hagler, M.D.
We had quite the response to the free screening of The Kids We Lose, and our first followup discussion of the film just wasn't enough. So we're doing it again. And we'd especially like to hear from those of you who have reduced or eliminated restraints and seclusions in your schools.
COVID-19 is clearly a formidable disease, and many have suffered because of it. And the pandemic has definitely added some new expectations to the mix for kids, parents, and educators: too much togetherness, distance learning, and social distancing among them. Yet the way to approach these expectations -- especially if kids are having diffiuclty meeting them -- has been there all along. So, with apologies for the silver lining, these trying times do present us with an opportunity to model and practice some pretty importand things...
Thanks for participating in the free screening of The Kids We Lose. This one-hour, online discussion with Dr. Ross Greene is your chance to ask questions about or comment on the film. To participate in the discussion directly, call (347) 994-2981.
On this program, a very endearing grandma called in to get some guidance before trying her first Plan B with her grandson. Yes, Plan B is a different animal, but perfection is not the goal. She sounds like she's ready...now it's time to take the leap.
After checking in regarding how everyone is fairing with the COVID-19 restrictions, we talked in detail about the emergency application of Plans A, B, and C thanks to an emailer's question. We also addressed whether the lagging skill of chronic irritability and/or anxiety can be addressed through proactive Plan B.
Collaboration and empathy have never been more important. But let's get practical: school is closed, your kids are home, and you need some guidance! Listen in on this special edition of Parenting Your Challenging Child!
Great conversation today about surviving school vacations, expectations for connecting with family, and what to do when you find yourself in the heat of the moment when out in public
We followed up on a B Team conversation about how do you know your expectations are reasonable? Thanks to two emails, we tackled the notion that "too much power" is given to kids when we use Plan B, those addictive screens, and the idea that lagging skills are for lenses.
Holidays are a tough time for families, perhaps especially those with kids with social, emotional, and behavioral challenges. But it doesn't have to be that way, especially if parents are being responsive to the hand they've been dealt.
Started out with some technical difficulties but ended up with a fantastic episode! Thanks to a caller, we talked about how to get started with the model, uses of the model, and wording of unsolved problems. We also answered two emails - one about how the model works with young kids and one about using the model with an impulsive kid.
Lots of great updates from the Summer, then we covered an email from a parent who was interested to know how we view the ADHD diagnosis. Thanks to a caller, we took a deep dive into using Plan B with screen time.
On our last program for the 2018-19 school year, we talked with a caller about her son's school frustrations and how to best work with the school. Covered two emails as well - one asking about the PDA diagnosis and how to work with non-verbal kids, the other asking what to do when kids don't talk and when they don't follow through on solutions.
Thanks to a caller, we covered a lot CPS territory today including the need for a meeting of the minds among a child's team to make real progress, when to seek help to get to that consensus, and the importance of how to word unsolved problems.
Dr. Greene discussed the concept of screen "addiction" and whether Plan B can be helpful (it can!). We also answered an email from a mom struggling with an aggressive 5 year old, and a family where the child will not talk to mom.
After a revisit of the role of Plan C, a caller got some ideas to troubleshoot her Plan B attempt with her daughter about stealing her sister's belongings. A mother emailed in about her son "refusing to change." ...and some fantastic updates about our documentary, The Kids We Lose!
The crew fielded lots of emails on today's program, along with a phone call with a mom who needed some help with Plan B. But the key theme of the program: when you're doing Plan B, you're not focused on dealing with a child's behavior in the heat of the moment...you're solving the problems that are causing those behaviors...and you're doing it collaboratively and proactively.
Lots covered on today's show thanks to many emailed questions (despite some technical issues): My son won't get off his phone to talk, what to do when big behaviors happen - won't my kid think it's ok to act that way?, work with 3-6 year olds in a Montessori setting, and expectations that aren't optional.
On this episode, we covered lots of questions that came in via email - how do consequences fit in with CPS? When is it choice and when is it not? The importance of self-care. Can't get my kid to talk to me...to name a few.
On our first radio program of the fall, we heard from a mom who's having trouble getting her husband on boad with solving problems collaboratively with their child. There seems to be a lot of that going around, and the mom came away with lots of ideas. Listen to the program and you will too.
On the first Monday of every month, at 11 am Eastern time, from September through May, Dr. Ross Greene and Lives in the Balance Director of Outreach Kim Hopkins-Betts – along with parents Stella Hastings and Jennifer Tretheway -- cover a wide range of topics related to behaviorally challenging kids in general and the Collaborative & Proactive Solutions (CPS) model in particular. You can call into the program to get your questions answered or submit them via email here. And, if you can't listen live, all the programs are archived in the Listening Library on the Lives in the Balance website or through i-Tunes.
Lots covered on this month's program including why use CPS with neurotypical kids? Help for a father who can't get his kid to talk and specifics about Plan C.
Dr. Greene joined in the program today to offer reflections on the Parkland tragedy, and to partake in our continued discussion about what to do when your co-parent is not on board with CPS, as well as can you do CPS with young kids?
Lots of territory covered on today's program: How do you keep drilling when a kid says he doesn't have a problem with the unsolved problem? What do you do when the kid talks but says a lot of things that don't seem to have anything to do with the unsolved problem? What do you do when your co parent isn't on board with CPS?
We covered some important territory on today's program...on one call, a mom needed some reassurance that the Plan C she was doing with her daughter represented her conscious, deliberate effort to stabilize things...and that getting some Plan B back into the mix is her next step.
Alas, the holidays are upon us, and it's the time of year when people are often nicer, kinder, gentler, more patient, and more empathic. So what's going wrong this year? Good to be reminded that we all do well if we can, and that we all exhibit challenging behavior (some more severe than others) when expectations outstrip skills. But we also a lot of trouble-shooting on today's program...
Thanks to the questions of a caller and a few emailers, we discussed how to get started with the CPS model, what to do if a solution isn't working, what to do with "I don't know," and how to handle defiance in the heat of the moment.
Siblings that don't play well together, the word "no," what to do in the heat of the moment, and what to do when a solution doesn't work...all covered on today's program, thanks to our B Team Parent Leaders and the fantastic questions we received from listeners!
On our first program of the new broadcast year, Dr. Greene welcomed his new co-hosts, Kim Hopkins-Betts (Director of Outreach at Lives in the Balance) and Jennifer, a B Team leader and parent. They were able to respond to several emails, including one from a mom who's been struggling with her behaviorally challenging 14-year old daughter for a very long time and who hasn't experienced much joy as a parent in recent memory.
So, if a parent feels like his or her lagging skills are contributing to challenging episodes with his or her child, then how does the parent learn the skills? The same way the kid does: by participating in Plan B, preferably proactively.
There sure are a lot of parents who are struggling with trying to get their schools to solve problems collaboratively with their students...and we heard from many of those parents on today's program.
It's a jungle out there for many behaviorally challenging kids, and we had another stark reminder of that sad fact on today's program.
On today's program, we discussed one of the ways in which Plan B can go off the rails: adults entering Plan B with a preordained solution. Remember, a mutually satisfactory is one that addresses the concerns of both parties, not the solution the adult had envisioned before initiating Plan B.
Today we heard from a mom whose son hadn't had an explosion in months, and then -- when a video game didn't pan out as he'd hoped -- it got ugly. So we talked a little about the up side of blips, including the fact that we all have 'em.
Lots of territory covered on today's program, including some guidance for a mom from overseas who's hoping an IEP will get the folks at school to solve problems collaboratively with her son.
At the age of 26, he isn't explosive anymore...but he took the time to call in to today's program -- the 200th segment of Parenting Your Challenging Child -- to tell us about his journey and remind us all of why we do what we do.
If Kids do well if they can is true, then why would a kid behave perfectly at school and be a lot more difficult at home? Answers to that question and others are provided....
Are you setting limits when you're doing Plan B? Of course! You're setting limits whenever you're working collaboratively with kids on unmet expectations...and doing it collaboratively is far more productive than doing it unilaterally.
Lots of territory covered, as usual, on today's program...but we started off with good reasons to keep a log of incompatibility episodes: if you don't identify specific unsolved problems, then those episodes become one big blob (defined as a shapeless mass)...you can't solve problems unless you know what they are, and that's the first step in getting rid of the blob.
What do you do when you can't sling your 15-year old over your shoulder anymore during meltowns? Solve those problems collaboratively and proactively. But that's not the only question that was answered during today's program.
Some great phone discussions today...we received an update from an old friend about a kid we've known for years, helped a mom try to extract more information from her adolescent daughter, and revisited the can't versus won't debate (which shouldn't be a debate at all anymore)...
Parents sometimes behave in ways that they then regret. What to do afterward? Plan B. What to do beforehand? Plan B. Does a psychiatric or special education label move things along? Not when it comes to identifying lagging skills and unsolved problems.
On this, our first program of fall, 2016, Dr. Greene and Susy responded to lots of questions, including several about how to use Plan B on problems causing conflict between siblings.
If you're using the CPS model, does that mean you no longer have expectations for a child? Goodnesss, no. You can't parent without expectations; you can't have influence without expectations. How you respond when your child is having difficulty meeting your expectations...well, that's where Plan B comes in real handy.
We adults are a whole lot better at noticing behaviors we don't like in our kids than we are at identifying expectations the kids is having difficulty meeting...and that's the hard part in wording unsolved problems. Fortunately, help is provided!
If you're solving problems proactively, does that help you out if you're stuck in the heat of the moment? This and lots of other questions answered on today's program!
What are the characteristics of a good school for a behaviorally challenging kid? You'll have to listen to the program to find out. And that's not all that was discussed on today's program...
As always, lots of territory covered with our callers on today's program...but we began with an article from the Huffington Post about a mom who demonstrated great empathy for her son in the midst of Plan A. The big question: why didn't she do Plan B instead?
As always, lots of territory covered on today's program, with numerous repeat callers, and also a dad who's found his son described perfectly in the diagnostic criteria for Pathological Demand Avoidance...as usual, he was encouraged to dig even further to understand the factors contributing to his son's difficulties.
All callers on today's program...one parent struggling with getting the ball rolling on solving problems collaboratively, another facing unique challenges along the way, and still another providing an update on where things are at three years in.
How do you recharge your batteries when your behaviorally challenging kid has you completely tapped out? New lenses can help; someone who understands can help, too. But nothing tops seeing things moving in the right direction.
Yes, the title of this program might have thrown you off, but if kids are having difficulty expressing their concerns in the Empathy step of Plan B, Dr. Greene's five finger method is worth knowing about. And you can learn about it in his responses to today's callers...
As usual, lots of territory covered on today's program, including a discussion about an increasingly known psychiatric diagnosis, Pathological Demand Avoidance. And, as usual, Dr. Greene wasn't shy in pointing out the limitis of psychiatric disorder, PDA included.
Sometimes kids with behavioral challenges are understood at school and get the help they need...sometimes not so much. On today's program, we heard from two moms who are having a "not so much" experience...
Lots of territory covered on today's program, including some discussion of the age levels at which the CPS model is appropriate (we can't think of any at which it's not)...but we began by discussion whether letting kids "hit rock bottom" is the best way to solve the problems that are causing them to hit rock bottom in the first place. The answer won't surprise you...
Yes, Kids do well if they can is the most important theme of the CPS model...but what if your child's definition of "doing well" differs from yours?
What's the best thing to do in the heat of moment? Defuse, De-escalate, and keep everyone safe. And then start solving the problems that are causing things to get heated up in the moment,..once they're solved, you won't be in the heat of the moment anymore.
That's what a mom who called into the program has been told about why her son is doing no work in his 10th grade English class. But he's doing work in all of his other classes...so there must be an unsolved problem in English class. Sounds like a job for Plan B!
A very interesting start to the new year...on today's program, we spent some time talking with a mom who's at the beginning of her CPS journey...and responding to a dad who was struggling with whether CPS would help his son deal with the demands of The Real World.
Lots of callers on today's program...one just getting started on Plan B, another slogging through the mud with a solution that hasn't been durable, and a seasoned hand getting ready for what could be a tough discussion. All part of the process..
Among the parents Dr. Greene and Susy responded to on today's program was a mom who's been struggling with her children's behavioral challenges for a long time and feels they're slipping away.
This is a program worth listening to...a dad called in to provide us with an update on his first attempt at Plan B with his son...he heard concerns from his son that a wooden spoon (the primary problem-solving tool from the father's upbringing) wouldn't have addressed. But the key theme for the day was TIME: Plan B saves it, but it takes time and planning to get that ball rolling.
As we were reminded by the mom who called in near the end of the program, it can be very difficult to get schools to break out of traditional ways of operating to help behaviorally challenging students...but, as many schools throughout the world have shown, it can be done...
The best way to become convinced about the effectiveness of Plan B is to start using Plan B...and that was a consistent theme during today's program.
We heard from a few moms on today's program...one is grappling with her son's behavior problems at school. While the school counselor is receptive to solving problems collaboratively, she also wants to keep using adult-imposed consequences for behaviors that the child can "control." A good discussion of the things consequences do and don't do well...
Once caregivers identify a child's lagging skills and unsolved problems -- and there can be many of both -- it can be hard to home in on the top priorities...important to remember that all progress is incremental.
Could early childhood experiences affect a child's behavior later? Of course! How can you know the effects of those experiences? You probably can't know with great precision. What can you work on now? Lagging skills and unsolved problems...
A mom -- who'd called in the week before to get some help drilling for information with her son -- called in again to provide an update...and her creative drilling strategies were very effective at helping her son communicate his concerns! A good program to listen to for parents who are struggling in the Empathy step of Plan B.
As always, a lot of territory was covered on this program, including a mom who called in for help figuring out why the solutions that are being applied to her son's difficulties haven't been accomplishing the mission.
Challenging behavior isn't a puzzle anymore when you put the Assessment of Lagging Skills and Unsolved Problems (ALSUP) to work.
On this, our last program of this "broadcast year" (the program airs from September through May), we responded to emails from several parents and talked with a mental health professional who's finding the CPS model very much in keeping with her values. And, to close, we read emails from parents who are just beginning their CPS journeys with their children...we can't wait to hear back from them in September! All of this year's programs are archived in the Listening Library on the Lives in the Balance website and in i-Tunes.
When you're working on what happens WHEN an unsolved problem has already caused challenging behavior, you're focused on the aftermath of the problem. So you don't want to work on WHEN...you want to paddle upstream and start solving problems BEFORE they cause those behaviors that are floating downstream.
Are ABA (applied behavior analysis) and CPS completely incompatible? Well, CPS won't have you rewarding and punishing your child...but the real answer is that it depends on who you ask.
Some great questions answered on today's program, including the one in the title...but also how to transform "No" into an unsolved problem.
Unfortunately, there are lots of things that have changed for the worse for kids in the last 40-50 years...maybe that explains it...
On today's program we heard from a long-time caller who's been implementing the CPS model with her sons for over three years. We reflected a little on the "good old days," heard about how far her sons have come, and learned that Plan A isn't necessarily the best way to help a spouse use Plan B!
What should you do when your child is already in the midst of an explosive outburst? Defuse, de-escalate, keep everyone safe. Then figure out what just happened (so it doesn't happen again).
Challenging behavior occurs when the demands being placed upon a kid outstrip the skills the kid has to respond adaptively. And the embarrassment factor plays a role as well.
A lot of territory covered on today's program, including a discussion on the following question: If you're always collaborating with a kid and working toward mutually satisfactory solutions, won't the kid come to believe that he needs to meet expectations only when he feels like it?
If you're only paying attention to a child's challenging behavior, then modifying or medicating the behavior will make the most sense. But behavior is what's happening downstream. If you paddle upstream -- toward the problems that are causing the behavior -- other intervention strategies start to make a lot more sense.
As usual, lots of questions answered and topics covered from the mailbag during today's program, including the one in the title.
When you're in the Empathy step, are you seeking information about a child's concerns or unmet needs? It's the former...when you're focused on the latter, you're more likely to hear about the child's solutions (rather than his or her concerns), and brainstorming solutions shouldn't occur until the Invitation.
We turned to the mailbag on today's program, and responded to inquiries from five parents. But there was a fairly consistent theme: it all begins with the Assessment of Lagging Skills and Unsolved Problems.
One of the questions parents frequently have relates to how much to tell kids about Plan B. That question -- and a whole bunch of others -- were discussed on today's program.
Maybe the title of today's program tells you all you need to know...but maybe not! While it's tempting to use Plan A to keep things organized and keep life moving when there's three boys under the age of eight in one household, Plan B can probably help more than you might think.
A variety of topics were covered on the last program of 2014, including a rather in-depth discussion of the "embarrassment factor" (kids who can hold it together outside of the home but are very challenging inside the home). Just because a kid is holding it together outside of the home doesn't mean there aren't problems to be solved.
Lots of ground covered on today's program -- a mom whose son becomes upset when he gets hurt phsyically, an emailer who noticed that the CPS model has moved from "baskets" to "Plans," from emergent to proactive, and from "compromising" to problem-solving -- but the most moving email came from a mom whose son is still being placed in restraint and seclusion at school.
It's not uncommon to start Plan B with one unsolved problem and then learn about other unsolved problems that will require separate solutions. Thanks to a caller, that's one of the things we talked about on today's program.
What do you do if your child is having difficulty providing information in the Empathy step of Plan B? We're glad you (and two of our callers) asked!
On today's program, Ross and Susy spoke with a mom who's thinking of pulling her son out of school due to poor performance...but will that solution really solve the problem? Or does the mom need more information about what's getting in the way for her son at school before they can start contemplating solutions. Plus a lot more...
Explaining Collaborative & Proactive Solutions (CPS) to a kid can be a challenge, but this radio program should help you out. And if you've been very focused on imploring your child to take responsibility for his actions, you'll probably want to listen to the rest of the program as well.
If you're wondering about what to do if your child is having difficulty providing you with information about his/her concern, perspective, or point of view in the Empathy step of Plan B, this program should help out...thanks to one of our callers.
Susy and Dr. Greene covered a lot of ground on today's program, including helping a mom whose daughter has been diagnosed with generalized and social anxiety get more focused on her daughter's specific lagging skills and unsolved problems.
On today's program, we helped Debbie's mom with the wording of unsolved problems on the Assessment of Lagging Skills and Unsolved Problems. Now we're ready to start solving those problems collaboratively and proactively!
On today's program, we helped a mom begin identyfing the lagging skills and unsolved problems contributing to the challenging episodes of her daughter (who we're calling Debbie), using the Assessment of Lagging Skills and Unsolved Problems (ALSUP) as our guide. Once the problems are identified, the task of solving them begins...along with the adventure of getting to know Debbie.
Our callers made this a very poignant program. The first was a dad who's been using the CPS model for some time now. He had some very encouraging news about his son. The second was a mom who's just at the beginning of her CPS journey. And the third was a mom who's in the middle of her journey and needing to make some slight adjustments. Beware: due to circumstances beyond our comprehension, the program cuts off unexpectedly near the end.
Well, Parenting Your Challenging Child is back on the air for another nine months, and Dr. Greene and his new co-host, Susy, kicked things off by responding to emails from several parents and a parent who called in...all seeking guidance on how to apply the CPS model to their challenging kids. Key theme of the day: though challenging behavior is very concerning and stressful, it's really just a very unpleasant way for a child to communicate that he or she is lacking the skills to handle certain demands and expectations.
Some great information on today's program -- the last until September -- including information on collaborating with kids on social difficulties. But one parent told us, by email, about something she and her husband do with her son when it doesn't seem like there's a problem to be solved but their son does need to be heard: they call it the Empathy Corner.
Should you solve problems collaboratively with your not-so-challenging kids? Today's first caller has no doubts about the answer to that question.
Parents of behaviorally challenging kids are often told that they need to be stronger, firmer, and more consistent...and yet, as discussed on today's Parents Panel, solving problems collaboratively takes a lot of strength too...and parents seem to feel a lot stronger when they know how to solve problems together with their children.
As always, lots of questions answered on today's program. One of the key points: once Plan B becomes a habit, kids (and caregivers) listen better to each others' concerns because they aren't so worried about having their own concerns blown off the table.
As always, lots of territory was covered on today's program, including a call from an overwhelmed mom who wanted to know how to get started on helping her behaviorally challenging child. But, early on, Dr. Greene explained how skills are taught when you're solving problems collaboratively. And at the end of the program, he reminded us that adults learn skills through the same process.
The Parents Panel covered a wide range of topics on today's program, but the starting and ending theme went something like this: Is there any age at which you wouldn't try to be responsive to the hand you've been dealt and try to understand and address your child's concerns? The answer from the Panel was a resounding No.
Parenting is really hard, but it's especially hard if you're the parent of a child with social, emotional, and behavioral challenges. There's so much advice being thrown your way, a lot of it telling you to be more firm, more consistent, and more diligent with the rewards and punishments. If all those sticker charts, time-outs, screaming matches, arguments have you feeling like a lot of parents do -- isolated, frustrated, and desperate -- well, you've found a program that can help. On this program, Dr. Ross Greene -- author of The Explosive Child and originator of the Collaborative Problem Solving (CPS) approach -- helps parents understand challenging behavior and overcome many of the hurdles involved in implementing his model. It's very hard work...and this is a great opportunity to call in, ask questions, get the support you need, and or just listen to other parents or relatives who are dealing with similar real-life issues. The program airs every Monday at 11 am Eastern time from September through May. Sponsored by Dr. Greene's non-profit, Lives in the Balance (www.livesinthebalance.org).
Dr. Greene made his way through lots of email today, and there was a key them that cut across many of them: while psychiatric diagnoses can be useful in some ways, identifying your child's lagging skills and unsolved problems is almost always more informative and productive.
Lots of good info on today's program. We heard back from last week's mom, who was starting to organize the effort in working on her son's behavioral challenges. Dr. Greene also answered a bunch of questions he received via email, including one from a mom who's wondering why her son won't talk to her when she's trying to gather information in the Empathy step of Plan B.
Many parents wonder if they need to completely drop their old ways of doing things when they're implementing Dr. Greene's CPS model, and the Educators Panel had some ideas about that...and then responded to a very distressed mom looking for some guidance.
Thanks to our callers and emailers, lots of good information on this program...but a familiar theme kept coming through: identifying unsolved problems helps you know what you're working on, makes challenging episodes predictable, and helps you intervene proactively.
We returned to siblings today on the Parents Panel, and had a very interesting discussion about the pressure parents feel to agree or disagree with a child's concerns (and to take sides). The reality is that agreeing/disagreeing and taking sides are often counterproductive, can lead to conflict, and are unnecessary anyway. But you'll have to listen to the program to hear the rest.
Dr. Greene answered lots of emailed questions on today's program, including one from two parents who were themselves raised on Plan A, recognize that Plan A isn't working for their behaviorally challenging child, are doing their best to roll with Plan B, and finding the road to be rocky.
What do you do when Plan A keeps backfiring but you want to feel like you still have some control as a parent? That's the gist of what today's first caller was asking...and Dr. Greene's answer was "Plan B". That mom has her work cut out for her...but at least she's starting to become clear on the fact that Plan A isn't getting the job done.
Our first program (and Parents Panel) of 2014 was a poignant one, as we heard from the sibling of a previously explosive child. She had some words of wisdom for all of us.
On the last show before the New Year, Dr. Greene answers some parent email questions. Topics discussed include redefining descriptions of behaviorally challenging kids in a more helpful way, initiating conversations about very specific topics, and prioritizing problems that may be best solved after more information is gathered.
This was a Parents Panel program, and our two moms had lots to say about how they got the ball rolling with CPS in their families, including what changed for the better and what mistakes they learned from along the way. These moms are good!
Plan B with a teenager may require some special considerations, like how to deal with skepticism (and eye-rolling) from your teen as you start out with the model. Dr. Greene offers a caller some advice on how to implement the model with her teenage daughter, stressing the importance of drilling, the usefulness of theories, and how to introduce the model after years of Plan A.
Dr. Greene catches up on some email questions sent in by Parents. Topics discussed include using resources to encourage educators to change the lenses with which they view behaviorally challenging children, using Plan B with nonverbal children, and recognizing that not all kids (even in the same family) respond to the same parenting style. Dr. Greene also shares his thoughts on violent video games.
Dr. Greene is joined by our Parents Panel today, who help field concerns from live callers. The first caller reports her success in having Plan B conversations with her son, which have increased the level of trust in their relationship and taught her about her own lagging skills. Anna echoes this phenomenon, that Plan B allows both child and caregiver to examine and improve on their own lagging skills, including the importance of flexibility for both parties. Our parents panel offers the practical suggestion of implementing Plan B for low priority unsolved problem in order to practice the model as well as build trust between child and caregiver.
On this episode, we hear from two live callers who are trying the model, as well as a parent who is at the end of her rope with daughter’s challenging behavior. Dr. Greene troubleshoots, reminding us of the importance of the Empathy Step. Skepticism (i.e., I think my kid is lying about his concern) can cause a kid to become defensive and stymie the collaborative process. So skepticism means more drilling is necessary. The callers highlight the importance of being patient in learning how to implement Plan B. Dr. Greene reassures them that while the learning model may take some practice, poorly executed Plan B is much more effective than well-executed Plan A.
The difficulties of behaviorally challenging kids tend to be complex, which can be further complicated when caregivers or educators are not viewing the kid through a prism of lagging skills and unsolved problems. On this program, we hear a parent's sincere concerns regarding the challenge of getting educators and other caregivers to change their lenses. Dr. Greene also dishes advice for a caller who is attempting Plan B with his 3.5 year old son on how to adapt the model to a child's developmental communication skills.
In this episode, our newest parents panel member, Anna, shares how Plan B has given her family hope. One caller asks for advice on how to navigate divorce with a behaviorally challenging child. Anna and Suzy advise that keeping the lines of communication open is just as important between parents as between parent and child. Panel members stress the importance of not focusing on the behavior but the precursor, and Dr. Greene weighs in on what we can learn from each challenging episode.
Dr. Greene answered more emails from the summer on this program. Among the questions answered: What to do when kids don't talk in the Empathy step of Plan B, whether Plan B can be applied to toilet training, and how to help kids who are holding it together during the school day but are challenging at home.
We heard from a few callers today who related some of the successes they're having in using Plan B...and were reminded (by way of another's mom's email) that we want to focus not on what a child does in response to an unsolved problem (i.e., his behavior) but rather on the unsolved problem giving rise to that response.
Dr. Greene tried to catch up on summer emails during this program, and started with one asking for more information about the Invitation step of Plan B. Of course, you'll have to listen to the program to hear that and everything else!
After a summer hiatus, we jump-started the program with the Parents Panel, and had a nice opportunity to get reminders on a few of the key tenets of solving problems collaboratively: Plan B is far more effective when it's done proactively, and also more effective when it's focused on a specific unsolved problem rather than a challenging behavior (such as hitting) that applies to many different unsolved problems.
On this last program until September, we got caught up on email...and covered a lot of ground. Among the topics: in kids who are having difficulty participating in Plan B, sometimes it's necessary to talk with them about what's hard about talking before it's possible to talk with them about other unsolved problems. Looking forward to September!
As always, we covered a lot of territory on this last Parents Panel until September...including giving some thought to what summers can be like for parents of behaviorally challenging kids.
Hint: Just about everything. But you'll have to listen to this program for the details.
Lots of ground covered on today's program...among the questions Dr. Greene answered: What to do if the folks at school are looking to parents for help with unsolved problems that are occurring at school? And, what are some baby steps for parents who are brand new to the model?
As usual, varied topics were covered on todays program. Among them, a mom's belief that her child's concerns aren't true...
Lot's of discussion on our April Parents Panel, including the fact that there's a lot of work still to be done to change societal lenses and practices with behaviorally challenging kids...and the fact that we're talking about that is a good thing!
What should the consequence be if a child exhibits challenging behavior after an adult uses Plan A to solve a problem? That's not the only question answered on today's program...
Lots of ground covered on today's program, including a plea from a parent whose child is in a school and school system in which punishment and expulsion are still being used to handle oppositional and explosive behavior. The principal, vice principal, and head of student services in that school system will be receiving Care Packages from Lives in the Balance ASAP.
Lots of territory covered on today's program, most of it related to things that can go awry when parents are trying to solve problems collaboratively. Here's the good news: with some minor adjustments in strategy, things can start going a whole lot better.
Parenting is really hard, but it's especially hard if you're the parent of a child with social, emotional, and behavioral challenges. There's so much advice being thrown your way, a lot of it telling you to be more firm, more consistent, and more diligent with the rewards and punishments. If all those sticker charts, time-outs, screaming matches, arguments have you feeling like a lot of parents do -- isolated, frustrated, and desperate -- well, you've found a program that can help. On this program, Dr. Ross Greene -- author of The Explosive Child and originator of the Collaborative Problem Solving (CPS) approach -- helps parents understand challenging behavior and overcome many of the hurdles involved in implementing his model. It's very hard work...and this is a great opportunity to call in, ask questions, get the support you need, and or just listen to other parents or relatives who are dealing with similar real-life issues. The program airs every Monday at 11 am Eastern time from September through May. Sponsored by Dr. Greene's non-profit, Lives in the Balance (www.livesinthebalance.org).
A lot of territory was covered on this program, as several parents called in with questions and Dr. Greene responded to questions sent by email as well. But the key theme was established by the first caller: if solving problems collaboratively is working for your child, there's no reason to stop doing it.
Parents often say that the unsolved problems setting in motion challenging episodes in their kids are unpredictable. But that's not exactly so. Because Plan B is most effective when it's used proactively, it's crucial to transform the seemingly unpredictable into the predictable.
On today's Parents Panel, one of our Panel members told us about her recent visit with her behaviorally challenging son, who is now a young adult. He's doing really well...perhaps evidence that Plan B (and a lot of patience) can do a kid and his parents a lot of good, and certainly evidence of the fact that development has its own time-line that often can't be rushed.
On today's program, Dr. Greene spent some time talking with the dad of a child whose aggressive, violent behavior has been reduced dramatically by various medications. The take-home message: take advantage of the lull so as to get good at Plan B...because, if the goal is for the child to be medication-free someday, something is going to have to replace the meds.
Parenting is really hard, but it's especially hard if you're the parent of a child with social, emotional, and behavioral challenges. There's so much advice being thrown your way, a lot of it telling you to be more firm, more consistent, and more diligent with the rewards and punishments. If all those sticker charts, time-outs, screaming matches, arguments have you feeling like a lot of parents do -- isolated, frustrated, and desperate -- well, you've found a program that can help. On this program, Dr. Ross Greene -- author of The Explosive Child and originator of the Collaborative Problem Solving (CPS) approach -- helps parents understand challenging behavior and overcome many of the hurdles involved in implementing his model. It's very hard work...and this is a great opportunity to call in, ask questions, get the support you need, and or just listen to other parents or relatives who are dealing with similar real-life issues. The program airs every Monday at 11 am Eastern time from September through May. Sponsored by Dr. Greene's non-profit, Lives in the Balance (www.livesinthebalance.org).
On today's program, Dr. Greene offered his thoughts on the tragedy that took place three days earlier in Newtown, Connecticut, and on the role that collaboration and empathy can play in reducing the likelihood of such tragedies.
Two primary questions were covered on today's program. Can a mom change the lenses she's wearing so as to better help her adopted adolescent daughter? Can another mom solve problems collaboratively with not one but two very active, impulsive kids? Well, it's not going to be easy...
Parenting a challenging child is hard, but it can be even harder during the holidays. The Parents Panel -- along with a caller -- has some guidance to help you get through it all. This program is sponsored by Lives in the Balance (www.livesinthebalance.org)
Lots of questions answered on today's program, but there was one key theme at the end: People -- kids and adults -- don't scream if they're confident their concerns will be heard and addressed.
Several different topics were discussed on today's program...among them, Dr. Greene received a call from a dad whose fourth grade child has been suspended from school...yet again. What should he do? That's what they talked about.
Lots of different topics covered on the Parents Panel today, including things parents can do to help schools transform school discipline...but a big part of the discussion focused on what it feels like to receive constant reminders from school that things are going poorly with your child.
Your child isn't the only one lacking skills...and s/he's not the only one learning new skills through Plan B either!
Unsolved problems can be hard to word...but if you want your child to respond to your efforts to gather information in the Empathy step of Plan B, some precision on the wording can be helpful. And that's not all Dr. Greene covered on today's program!
The Parents Panel covered lots of territory today, including the pearls of wisdom Panel members wish they'd been provided before they began their long journeys with their behaviorally challenging kids.
On this program, Dr. Greene spent some time talking with a mom whose son is diagnosed with ADHD, obsessive-compulsive disorder, and Tourette's disorder...a very tough combination. How can she (and her son's teacher) figure out which challenging behaviors her son can control?
After a summer hiatus, Dr. Greene responded to questions today, and there were some good ones! How do you know you're using Plan B? What if your co-parent isn't on board with CPS? What do you do once your child is already in the midst of an explosion? Answers, of course, were provided!
In this first program of the season, the Parents Panel tackled the very tough issue of bullying. But not bullying at school...bullying at home.
On this last radio program until the fall, Dr. Greene answered some email and focused in particular on what might be going awry in a mom's attempt to use Plan B with her son. Back in the fall!
On this program, a mom called in seeking help on her son's difficulties tolerating frustration during little league baseball games...but the guidance she was provided would help on other unsolved problems as well.
As the caller on today's program has discovered, one of the hardest parts of getting started with Collaborative Problem Solving is identifying specific unsolved problems (instead of challenging behaviors). But she seems ready to tackle that one now!
Dr. Greene's guest on today's program was Robbyn Peters Bennett from the US Alliance to End the Hitting of Children (www.endhittingusa.org)...and this is one you'll want to listen to.
Just because an unsolved problem doesn't set in motion a challenging episode every time doesn't mean it's not predictable.
What could be more important than homework? Lots of things! And trying to solve every problem at once is the surest way to guarantee than none get solved at all.
Making amends is fine...but solving problems so the child doesn't have to make amends in the first place is even better.
Well, not exactly...but your respective concerns have equal standing and both sets of concerns need to be addressed for a problem to be solved.
Sometimes parents who are new to Collaborative Problem Solving are very hard on themselves for not knowing about it in the first place and feel pretty bad about what they were doing before. But you can't fault yourself for what you didn't know.
Solutions arrived at with Plan A -- through imposition of adult will -- are not only unilateral, they're uninformed...and that's a big part of the reason they often don't work very well.
The Parents Panel covered a wide range of topics on today's program...including the difference between "lowering" and "adjusting" expectations for a behaviorally challenging child.
It's certainly fine to ask a child how he or she feels about an unsolved problem...but if you want to solve the problem, gathering information about his or her concern or perspective is even better.
Two different moms called into today's program asking for guidance on helping their kids' schools get on board with the CPS model. Their situations were a little different...but the guidance was pretty much the same.
On today's program we were reminded of how important it is to get a handle on a child's lagging skills so we understand what's really getting in the way for the child...and to nail down highly specific unsolved problems so we know what we're working on.
Plan B is fundamentally easy but really hard...and, on this program, our Parents Panel members talked about their own experiences with the hard parts.
We covered a lot of territory on today's program, but one of the big questions was related to how parents can help schools implement CPS. (That doesn't come until near the end of the program...fortunately, there's lots of good information on the way there.)
What treatment options should you consider for your behaviorally challenging child? You can't really answer that question until you achieve a clear understanding of what's causing your child's difficulties. Without that understanding, there's the risk of haphazardly trying many different treatments. Better to use the ALSUP so you can take aim.
Some sad stories on today's program, but also some hope: we have the technology to identify kids' lagging skills and unsolved problems, and we have the technology to see that those problems get solved. A very informative program covering a wide range of topics.
Even Parents Panel members sometimes get stuck using Plan A...and need help getting back to Plan B.
On today's program, we heard from a mom whose son is sleeping late and missing a lot of school. How are we going to solve that problem? By using Plan B to learn as much as possible about how that student fell into that hole in the first place.
What do you do when your child's difficulties get you down? You try to get back up again...and back to Plan B ASAP.
On this program, we heard from several parents who were just getting the ball rolling on using the Collaborative Problem Solving approach. The journey is usually bumpy, but they already have some key ingredients working for them: bravery and a willingness to try something new.
Can Reactive Attachment Disorder be understood (and treated) through the lenses of Collaborative Problem Solving? What's the best way to approach a co-parent who's not yet on board with CPS? What's the best way to approach school staff who aren't on board yet either?
On today's program, we heard from a mom who's just starting to use Plan B (and having pretty good early success), as well as from a mom who's running into more trouble in her early efforts to use Plan B.
Is spanking a kid ever a good idea? Not if you know why challenging kids are challenging (lagging skills) and are solving the problems (collaboratively) that are giving rise to their challenging episodes!
On today's program, the Parents Panel tackled video games...a very tough unsolved problem.
That's what the Empathy step is for: really, truly, understanding what's getting in the way for a kid on a specific unsolved problem. Without that information, solving problems is a shot in the dark.
One of the biggest non-starters in the Empathy step of Plan B is trying to talk with a child about his behavior rather than the unsolved problem setting that behavior in motion. And one of our callers is trying to get over that hump.
On today's program, Dr. Greene heard about the efforts of a mom who was struggling to do Plan B with her son...and gave some (hopefully) helpful tips on how to fine-tune the effort (including some of the things mom was thinking that were getting in the way).
Are bullies lacking skills? How about the bullied? If so, then what do they really need from us? The Parents Panel weighs in!
On this program, Dr. Greene answered questions from emailers and covered a wide range of topics...including what to do when religious values and Plan B seem inconsistent with each other.
On today's program, we heard from two different parents who were having difficulty making sure their children were well-understood and well-treated at school. Our key theme: nothing takes the place of identifying a kid's lagging skills and unsolved problems prior to making placement decisions.
In this first program of the new school year, Dr. Greene responded to some of the email he received over the summer. Some familiar themes: the necessity of creating a (very specific) list of unsolved problems, prioritizing (so you know what problems you're working on right now and the ones you're not), and, most importantly, solving problems collaboratively and proactively. It's very hard...but when parents do those things, over time, they get their energy back.
Is the CPS model compatible with Applied Behavior Analysis (ABA)? That depends on your definition of ABA. Is intervention "working"? That depends on your definition of "working".
Some behaviorally challenging kids don't like to be suprised by the topic and timing of Plan B, even when it's proactive. Better to make an appointment with the child...and even give the child the heads-up on the topic.
Parenting and teaching kids with behavioral challenges is really hard. But there are things adults can do to make it even harder, and things adults can do to make it easier (not easy, easier).
Lots of callers on today's program, and we covered lots of key themes of Collaborative Problem Solving. One of the most important: when you're solving problems, you're not primarily trying to figure out what a child should do once he or she becomes upset...but rather solutions that will durably solve the problems that are causing the child to become upset in the first place.
On today's program, the Parents Panel heard from a mom who's son's academic difficulties had become problematic again recently...did he lose his motivation or did the academic tasks begin exceeding his capacity to respond adaptively? That's what the Empathy step is for.
If a child's behavioral challenges are the result of poor motivation, then rewarding and punishing makes perfect sense. But if it's lagging skills...and if the behavioral challenges occur in response to specific unsolved problems...well, you have some problem-solving in your future...hopefully, the collaborative kind.
A mom called in for help on gathering information in the Empathy step of Plan B. And our emailers provided additional grist for the discussion mill: How do you tell the world about your challenging child? What if the adult is lacking some important skills, too?
The title of this program tells you about an issue raised by one of our callers. But lots of additional issues were covered as well, including what to do if one parents is on board with CPS and the other isn't (yet).
Susie, a member of our Parents Panel, raised the topic of paddling kids at school, and the discussion took off from there...with some fairly predictable conclusions.
There are lots of things that could be slowing things down when families are implementing the CPS model...but it's good to remember that getting good at Plan B and making fundamental changes in family interactions doesn't happen in a week anyway.
A variety of topics on today's program, thanks to our emailers, but what to do if the first solution doesn't work? That came from our caller.
That's the topic we led off with, but we moved on to other interesting discussions, thanks to our callers.
Sometimes grandparents have strong opinions about the manner in which challenging kids should be disciplined, and aren't so familiar with Plan B. What to do? The Parents Panel weighs in (on this and other topics).
On today's program, Dr. Greene responded to the email that has gathered over the past month or so. A variety of topics were discussed, including the need to identify specific unsolved problems, whether the CPS model is applicable to "imploders" as well as "exploders," how to word a neutral observation in the Empathy step, and the fact that vague concerns tend to lead to vague solutions. Very informative!
We heard back from some prior callers today, who gave us updates on how they and their kids are faring with Collaborative Problem Solving. The news is good (but the work is never done).
"Neither snow, nor rain, nor heat, nor gloom of night stays the Parents Panel from completing its appointed rounds." Dr. Greene got stuck away from his office in a snowstorm when the program began, so he conducted this program from his car in a parking lot. Which isn't actually the most interesting part of the February Parents Panel, but does explain the long delay at the beginning of the program. We heard from a father who was having difficulty getting his daughter to participate in therapy sessions, and that was the most interesting part of the program.
What information is most important to focus on when you're trying to understand and help a child with social, emotional, and behavioral challenges? And how does one organize the effort so as to intervene proactively rather than reactively?
How do you make sure your child gets what he needs to help him overcome his social emotional and behavioral challenges? Why does the system sometimes fail to help our kids? Can young kids participate in Collaborative Problem Solving? What if a child is too hyperactive and impulsive to participate in Plan B?
Is Collaborative Problem Solving a good fit for kids with attachment issues? Should the model be modified in any way for such kids? These questions and more on this program.
How do I get my husband (or co-parent) on board with Collaborative Problem Solving? The Parents Panel has some ideas!
How do you handle a disrespectful kid? The Parents Panel weighs in...and it turns out that the CPS model would view and handle disrespect like any other unsolved problem.
Time-out is, for parents, a very popular behavior management tool. But there are so many things a time-out won't accomplish...in fact, when it comes to understanding and helping your behaviorally challenging child, it's hard to come up with anything productive that a time-out will accomplish.
For lots of folks, one of the great things about this program is that it provides a weekly reminder of the mentality, language, and strategies of the CPS model. This program provides a nice "refresher" on those key themes, accomplished through answering questions Dr. Greene received by email during the past week, including one from a mom whose child had a tough episode at school during the prior week.
Too often...actually, way too often...adults focus on the challenging behaviors a kid is exhibiting rather than on the unsolved problems setting those challenging behaviors in motion. Unfortunately, when we focus on behavior, our intervention options are quite limited. But when we instead focus on solving problems (rather than on the behaviors that are byproducts of those unsolved problems), we're addressing the real issues setting in motion challenging behavior...and when we get those problems solved, we reduce challenging behavior at the same time. This is a program not to miss.
Well, the Parents Panel went off without a hitch today, and the Panel grappled with some pretty important topics. First, we heard from a mom who was struggling with viewing her son's behavior through the lenses of lagging skills and unsolved problems...then we discussed how Plan B can be applied to unsolved problems between siblings. The Parents Panel will be back again next month!
Does Plan B help kids take responsibility for their actions? What does "taking responsibility" mean, anyway? How can parents solve problems with their children without time-outs, reward charts, losing control, and feeling like a terrible parent? Is Plan B a viable option when kids are exhibiting unsafe behavior? What should parents do in the midst of explosions? These, and lots of other questions, were answered during this program.
Dr. Greene answered the following questions in this program: Aren't humans (and therefore kids) really selfish beings who only look out for their own interests? What should I do in the middle of an explosion? What should I do if, even after using Proactive Plan B, my child won't follow through on a solution he's agreed to?
Today was our first Parents Panel program, and it was a nice departure from the norm. The Parents Panel -- three moms and a dad -- gathers on the first Tuesday of every month to discuss their experiences in parenting and living with kids with behavioral challenges. And they'll be back next month!
In today's program, we heard back from the mom who was trying to figure out why her son wasn't receptive to participating in Plan B. The mom followed some of Dr. Greene's recommendations from last week's program, and reported on some small signs of progress. We also heard from a mom who was having trouble understanding why her daughter was well-behaved outside the home but exploding inside the home. Another very informative program!
This was the first program since summer vacation, but we just picked up from where we left off. A mom who was having trouble getting her son to participate in Plan B phoned in, and Dr. Greene helped her think about the different factors that might be getting in the way...and what to do next.
If you're the parent or relative of a child or adolescent with social, emotional, or behavioral challenges, this is the program for you. New to the CPS approach? Just getting started with Plan B? Trying to find time for your other kids when your challenging one demands so much of your energy and attention? Having trouble getting a spouse/grandparents/teachers/coaches on board? This is a great opportunity to call in, ask questions, get the support you need, and or just listen to other parents or relatives who are dealing with similar real-life issues. And, in recorded form, this is a very good way to learn more about the CPS approach. The program airs every Tuesday during the school year at 11:00 am Eastern time. Details at www.livesinthebalance.org.
In this program, Dr. Greene answered emails he's received over the past few weeks covering a wide range of topics, including: the advantages of using Plan B proactively rather than emergently; whether the world mostly demands the skills trained with Plan B or those trained with Plan A; how Plan A tends to cause and perpetuate misery; some tips for making sure solutions are as viable as possible; and whether "willful" is the best way to describe kids with social, emotional, and behavioral challenges. Another very informative program.
If you're the parent or relative of a child or adolescent with social, emotional, or behavioral challenges, this is the program for you. New to the CPS approach? Just getting started with Plan B? Trying to find time for your other kids when your challenging one demands so much of your energy and attention? Having trouble getting a spouse/grandparents/teachers/coaches on board? This is a great opportunity to call in, ask questions, get the support you need, and or just listen to other parents or relatives who are dealing with similar real-life issues. And, in recorded form, this is a very good way to learn more about the CPS approach. The program airs every Tuesday during the school year at 11:00 am Eastern time. Details at www.livesinthebalance.org.
Two parents called in to today's program, and they had some great questions (paraphrasing here): Is individual therapy a good way to promote Collaborative Problem Solving? Why don't some solutions stand the test of time and what should happen when they don't? How crucial is it that both parents be on board with the model? A very informative discussion...and you can listen to the recorded program whenever you like!
Can you solve problems collaboratively with a child who's three or four years old? Sure thing. That's the topic of this program. The truth is, Plan B includes ingredients that are crucial the instant a child is born: empathy, trying to understand what's making a child uncomfortable or unhappy, and trying to find realistic and mutually satisfactory ways to address whatever is getting in the kid's way. Of course, you need to think it's a good idea to be doing those things in the first place...then it's easy to understand why Plan A (imposition of adult will) wouldn't get the job done). Do listen!
Dr. Greene answered some interesting questions today (don't forget, you can ask questions between programs by emailing Dr. Greene through the contact form at www.livesinthebalance.org). The first email was from a mom trying to have some input into her daughter's IEP (Individualized Education Plan) at school...she was wondering if she had the "right" to have input and, if so, how to do it in a way that didn't alienate the folks at school. The second question was from a mom who'd seen Dr. Greene speak recently and was trying Plan B at home. This mom was already beginning to recognize times when she was slipping into Plan A ("catching" oneself using Plan A is a very positive early indicator of success with the CPS model), and her first attempts at Plan B needed just a little fine-tuning. The key ingredient, of course, is persistence. Another very informative program...listen to it whenever you like!
In today's program, Dr. Greene responded to emails he's received from parents trying hard to understand their challenging kids, intervene in a more compassionate, effective manner, and -- in some cases -- help the folks at school do the same thing. A very informative program. And you can listen to it anytime!
We had a few callers on today's program, so this was a great opportunity to hear about how a few different parents are trying to put Plan B into action in their homes...along with some of the problems that can pop up along the way. One of the things we discussed was the tendency to skip the Empathy step and therefore arrive at solutions without really understanding the unsolved problem. Another mom wanted to better understand better why her son was able to hold it together at school but not at home, so we talked about that, too. This was one of our best and most informative programs, thanks to our callers and emailers! And you can listen to the archive!
If you're the parent or relative of a child or adolescent with social, emotional, or behavioral challenges, this is the program for you. New to the CPS approach? Just getting started with Plan B? Trying to find time for your other kids when your challenging one demands so much of your energy and attention? Having trouble getting a spouse/grandparents/teachers/coaches on board? This is a great opportunity to call in, ask questions, get the support you need, and or just listen to other parents or relatives who are dealing with similar real-life issues. And, in recorded form, this is a very good way to learn more about the CPS approach. The program airs every Tuesday at 11:00 am Eastern time. Details at www.livesinthebalance.org.
If you're the parent or relative of a child or adolescent with social, emotional, or behavioral challenges, this is the program for you. New to the CPS model? Just getting started with Plan B? Trying to find time for your other kids when your challenging one demands so much of your energy and attention? Having trouble getting a co-parent/ grandparents/teachers/coaches on board? This is a great opportunity to call in an ask questions...or listen to other parents who are dealing with similar real-life issues. And, in recorded form, this is a very good way to learn more about the CPS approach.
Solving problems collaboratively is messy... choppy...uneven...hard. In today's program, two moms called in to talk about some of the problems they're running into in trying to do Plan with their kids (and, in the case of one mom, with the folks at school). So we did some trouble-shooting, and some familiar themes seemed to apply: being really specific about the unsolved problems you're working on (so the child can give you the information you're seeking in the Empathy step); trying to get a good handle on other factors (attention-span, hyperactivity, lagging communication skills) that may be making it hard for the child to participate in Plan B; and being as proactive as possible in terms of timing. As always, the devil's in the details, and this is a good program to listen to in recorded form to sort through those details so Plan B is as productive as possible. (We ran out of time at the end, so the program ends suddenly, but we'll pick up where we left off next week.)
In this program, Dr. Greene responded to a variety of different questions parents have submitted through the Contact form on the Lives in the Balance website (www.livesinthebalance.org). And then a dad who had called in for some help a month ago phoned in to provide an update on the progress he's making with his two kids, and described some of the difficulties he's having getting his significant other (and co-parent) to use Plan B as well. Listen to the archive!
In this program, Dr. Greene spoke with a mom who called in to get some help in using Plan B with her challenging 5-year old son. The mom was struggling with some of the key aspects of using Plan B, especially identifying the specific unsolved problems that were reliably and predictably setting the stage for challenging episodes. But it turned out that the boy's challenging behavior (hitting, throwing) was indeed highly predictable, and very specific unsolved problems were identified: being interrupted when speaking, having things not go the way he anticipated, morning routine, being picked up at daycare in the afternoon, going into school in the morning. These unsolved problems set the stage for the Proactive Plan B the mom will try to do this weekend. A great example of the difficulties parents run into in using Plan B and how to overcome them. Listen to the archive!
On this program, two parents called in to discuss difficulties they were having in getting the teachers of their challenging kids on board with Collaborative Problem Solving. The solution: if possible, find ways to collaborate with the teachers on the kids' lagging skills and unsolved problems and try to achieve a consensus on the best ways to go about helping.
In this program, Dr. Greene discusses whether diagnoses are useful in understanding and helping kids with behavioral challenges. He then talked about some of the characteristic ways in which the Empathy step of Plan B can go awry, and discussed how Plan is not only applicable to adult-child problem-solving but also to problem-solving interactions between adults, including parents and teachers.
During this program, Dr. Greene discussed a variety of issues, including the difficulties people encounter when trying to "drill" in the Empathy step (and how to overcome those difficulties); whether one should let a kid know that you're trying to do things differently when you're starting to use Plan B (you can, but the proof is in the pudding); whether a kid's lagging skills are taught through mere use of Plan B or whether some skills need to be taught more directly; and whether Plan B is helpful for kids who are very "black-and-white thinkers".
In this program, Dr. Greene provided an overview of the three ways in which adults solve problems with kids -- Plans A, B, and C -- and a general description of the steps or "ingredients" of Plan B. More time will be spent on each of these ingredients in coming weeks. The discussion of Plan B was helped along by a father who called in to describe some of the difficulties he was having in using Plan B with his two young sons, and potential "fixes" for those difficulties were discussed.
In this inaugural edition of Collaborative Problem Solving at Home, Dr. Greene describes how challenging kids come to be challenging: they're lacking the skills not to be challenging. This perspective represents a dramatic departure from viewing challenging kids as manipulative, attention-seeking, unmotivated, coercive, and limit-testing. Dr. Greene also describes how to go about figuring out what skills your kid is lacking, through use of the Assessment of Lagging Skills and Unsolved Problems (ALSUP). He discusses the fact that challenging behavior occurs under highly predictable conditions, called "unsolved problems," and describes how to go about identifying these unsolved problems in your child. A great introduction to Collaborative Problem Solving for parents!