I Do, We Do: Recent Episodes
Billy and Ashley
This podcast is hosted by Billy and Ashley Moyer, AKA Bashley, a millennial couple committed to their careers, lifelong learning, and philanthropy. Bashley believes that TOGETHER they can achieve more. This weekly show is about how they find success as a team of two in business and life in general, and how their differences make them stronger.
We love assessments over here. On past episodes we have discussed the DISC, Enneagram, Love Languages and Myers Briggs. In this episode, we dig into the Energy Leadership Index which enables leaders to hold up mirrors to their perceptions, attitudes, behaviors, and overall leadership capabilities. We hand the show over to special guest, Claire Becker who walks us through our results just as she does her coaching clients.
Be sure to connect with Claire via here website: https://www.clairebeckercoaching.com.
Connect with her on Instagram: @ClaireBeckerCoaching
About Claire:
Claire doesn’t accept the world as it is. As a leadership coach, she works with change agents who are ready to grow themselves and their impact on the community around them so that each day we get closer to a world that truly serves all of us. Claire was trained by the Institute for Professional Excellence in Coaching (iPEC), accredited by the International Coaching Federation. Before launching her coaching practice, she spent a decade working in education and professional development, serving learners and developing leaders of all ages. Her past experiences include leading as a bilingual middle school educator, as an adjunct faculty for multiple graduate-level courses, and as a coach for teachers, professionals and leaders. At the local level, Claire is a partner in facilitating on topics such as White Identity Formation and Development, Unconscious Bias, Anti-Racism, and Microaggressions as well as general team development and best practices for adult learning and facilitation.Claire graduated from University of Wisconsin-Madison with a Bachelor of Arts in Sociology & Spanish. She then attended Cardinal Stritch University and received a Master of Urban Education and completed a thesis on Metacognitive Learning in 2012.
We recently moved into an RV full-time, as we continue to embrace a more minimalist lifestyle. In this episode, we share what minimalism is to us and how we are working be more minimal. We discuss how we have prioritized experiences in our lives. We are hoping to experience a lot of new adventures while living and traveling in our RV.
It has been a year since our little guy, Lincoln was born. In this episode, we reflect back on the episode we recorded in the delivery room as we waited to welcome Lincoln to the world. We shared our hopes and dreams for our son a year ago and now we share updates on how things have gone. We also break some BIG NEWS! Happy Birthday, Lincoln! We love you, even though we didn't plan for you!
Josh & Elisha are truly a couple who does it all. They run multiple side-hustles in addition to working full-time and parenting. There’s nothing this couple can’t do! Listen in as we chat with them about how they support one another in their businesses, the process they use for setting and adjusting goals, and their debt-free journey.
The pandemic has caused some unusual things. Social distancing? Conspiracy theorists? The uptick in “uncoupling”? We’ve found ourselves on different pages in two major parts of our lives. With the extra time, we each invested it in different ways. For Billy, it has been his career. For Ashley, it has been parenthood. Investing time in these areas has also left the other behind - hence, we are on different pages. Listen in as we replay the first conversation we had about this and how we are already working through this.
What we talked about in this episode:
- What the extra time during the pandemic has looked like for us
- How Ashley brought up this conversation
-
- This method is NOT recommended!
- The areas of our life we are on the same page
- Why being on different pages doesn’t have to be an area of conflict
- How we plan to work through this and tips for you in your relationship
We have a bone to pick with the Golden Rule - treat others the way you want to be treated. It is a rule that is engraved in our brains from a young age, but we think it’s wrong. ESPECIALLY in relationships. Listen to this episode as we upgrade to the Platinum Rule - treat others the way they want to be treated.
What we talked about in this episode:
- Why the Golden Rule is wrong
- Upgrading to the Platinum Rule
- Examples of how we treat each other the way they want to be treated
You may not know this about us, but we are COMPLETE OPPOSITES. Oh wait, we only constantly talk about that on this podcast. Nearly every assessment we've ever taken points out how different we are. Our Myers Briggs results point this out too. In this episode, we zero in on that first letter of the MBTI results - introvert vs extrovert. We share our favorite… and least favorite things about being married to the opposite!
What we talked about in this episode:
- Our Myers Briggs (or MBTI) results
-
- Billy is an INTJ
- Ashley is and ENFP
- The difference between introverts and extroverts
- Our favorite things about each other for being the opposite
- Our least favorite things about each other for being the opposite
- The value in being an introvert/extrovert couple
It has been a tough couple of weeks as we all learned about the deaths of Ahmaud Arbery, Breonna Taylor, and George Floyd. We need to have some tough conversations about race. But that requires vulnerability. We have to shed those layers and embrace imperfection. In this episode, we share a few recent moments of vulnerability in our relationship, how its brought us together and where we still need work. We believe vulnerability is key to having difficult conversations and can improve race relations in our world. Being vulnerable with your partner can take your relationship to the next level.
We are often asked how we spend SO much time together without driving each other crazy. Right now, a lot of couples are spending more time together than usual, which is leading to conflict. In this episode, we chat about how we thrive together through communication, vulnerability based trust and goal setting. The key to our partnership is that we focus on thriving rather than just surviving. This is how we grow together rather than apart.
It is a scary time for our world as we grapple with the reality that is COVID-19 and the impact is is having on our way of life. We are sheltering in place here in Austin, Texas and in this episode we share what are new normal looks like. We share what work is like for us now, what we are doing to pass the time and how we are using this pandemic as an opportunity to come even closer together. Spoiler alert - one of us randomly bought a PS4... Guess who?!
It has been a hot minute since we last released an episode, so allow us to reintroduce ourselves! In this episode, we go back to the beginning. Who were are individually, who we are together. We chat about why we started this podcast and what it has become. If you're a new listener, hopefully this keeps you coming back. For our loyal listeners, we hope this will remind you where we started. A lot has changed. One thing continues to stay the same. We are better together.
Setting goals together did not always come easy for us. Billy had two decades of experience before meeting Ashley. Ashley had no experience. Billy remained persistent, but was patient as Ashley explored goal setting. And now it’s become a way we bond and allow us to grow together. Listen in as we provide examples to encourage your partner when they are not on board.
What We Talked About in this Episode:
- Our experience setting goals prior to our relationship
-
- Billy began setting goals at the age of four. By the time we met, he had years of knowledge on the value of goal-setting.
- Ashley had never set goals and not even a new year’s resolution. The closest she ever came to setting a goal was giving something up for Lent.
- Billy’s passion for goal-setting was tough for Ashley to match at first
-
- Ashley was apprehensive towards goal-setting
- Billy continued mentioning resources for Ashley to start the process but nothing stuck.
- It wasn’t until Billy guided Ashley into a program that gave her the space to find her own footing.
- Goal setting brought us together
-
- Billy was patient but persistent in getting Ashley to embrace goal-setting
- Billy adapted his style to a style that work for us together
Ready to start setting goals as a couple? Check out of free Goal Setting for Partners guide at bashleymoyer.com/goals.
A year ago our worlds were rocked with the news of our pregnancy. We immediately captured all those feelings (and more) in a podcast episode (EP 38) that later became our pregnancy announcement. Fast forward to now where we listen back on that episode. We reflect on where we were mentally, and where we are now... and you can bet there were some tears shed (again)!
In this weeks episode, we discuss why we are taking a different approach with our goals this year after struggling in 2019 to accomplish all we set out to do. We share a few goals and how they have a similar destination as last year, but how we plan to get there is different. We are focusing more on the journey this year. We are taking things slow. We are working through some stuff over here.
We share another couple of takes in this episode where each of us shares a take on something going on in the world. Our takes this episode are about people from across the pond. Ashley talks about Harry and Meghan making an important decision for their family. Billy talks about not understanding people investing money in the MMA fight with Conor McGregor who is an all around horrible person. Let us know if you agree or disagree with our takes.
Last episode we looked back on 2019, which was a challenging year for us. It ended up being our best year ever. In this episode, we look forward to 2020, a new year and decade. We are in a much different place now. We answer some questions we reflected on during our planning retreat and share our new vision for our relationship moving forward. We know this will be our best year ever yet again! Oh and don't miss Billy sing a little Wicked!
Welcome to 2020! It's a new year and a new decade! We know you are excited. We are too! But before we officially look forward to the next year that we know will be amazing, we look back on 2019. We answer the questions we shared in Episode 64 and guess what? It gets a little emotional because 2019 was tough for us, but it also was our best year ever!
Last episode we shared questions to reflect on when looking back on a year. In this episode, we share questions to reflect on when looking forward to a new year. The questions will set you and your partner up for success when setting your goals for next year!
Questions We Shared:
- What do we/I want to achieve?
- What do we/I want to create?
- What do we/I want to do more of?
- What do we/I want to do less of?
- What do we/I want to start?
- What do we/I want to stop?
- What do we/I want to complete?
- What do we/I want to experience?
- Who do we/I want to become?
Can you believe there are only two weeks left in the year… scratch that - THE DECADE! Coming off the #10yearchallenge and the end of the year/decade in sight, everyone is feeling very retrospective. In this episode, we take all that introspection and take it to reflection. We share the what/when/where/how to reflect on the past year and set yourself up for success when setting your goals for next year!
What We Talked About in this Episode:
- The best time to reflect
- How to “set the mood” for reflecting
- The key questions to ask yourself to jumpstart your reflection
- Why you should dedicate the time & other resources to reflecting
Ready to start setting goals? Check out of free Goal Setting for Partners guide at bashleymoyer.com/goals.
Questions We Mentioned:
- What did you accomplish in 2019?
- How did you grow?
- What are you most thankful for?
- What did you learn about yourself in the last year?
- What was your greatest disappointment?
- How were you hurt?
- How were you healed?
- What did you overcome?
- What are you still working through?
Time to take a trip back in time to our worst year together as a married couple. We have shared a lot on this podcast about how we are better together, that we often collab and how we are great communicators. We have an awesome partnership, but year one of our marriage was not great. It was tough. In this episode, we share why the year was so difficult and how we got through it.
We mentioned two previous episodes in this one. The links are below.
The Story of How We Met
Compromising on Holidays
In this special Thanksgiving episode, we chat about how we have tried to have an Attitude of Gratitude in 2019 even with the curveball we were thrown at the beginning of the year. We are thankful for each other, our families, our jobs and our new son, Lincoln. We hope to continue having an Attitude of Gratitude into 2020 no matter what life throws at us.
We are back with a couple more takes on topics that have caught our attention around the world. We are a couple and we each have one take on something to share in this episode. We get pretty deep as we talk about the NCAA and playing college athletes and the Rodney Reed case in Texas. Essentially we end up talking about institutional racism.
We are two months into parenthood and have learned a lot about our ourselves and how we make a powerful team of two. There have been a few bumps in the road of parenthood because we have no clue what we are doing… but who does?! In this episode you'll hear a short update on how we are handling our new lifestyle as parents, the ways we collab as parents, and how we continue to push gender roles.
What We Talked About in this Episode:
- How we are handling parenthood
-
- For two people who did not plan on kids, we are doing really well
- We continue to integrate Linc into our lives and not the other way around (stay tuned to Instagram for his appearance at a gala this week!)
- The best examples of collabing as parents
-
- In the hospital
- Night time
- Eagles games
- Bath time
- Church
- The opportunities we have found to push gender roles
We love setting goals. For 2019, we set some lofty goals for our new business together. We have been checking in on our progress every quarter of the year. In this episode, we chat about our progress through the 3rd quarter. We have been thrown some curveballs this year, but we have made adjustments and we are on track. Our check-ins have been key to our success. Learn more about our progress and about how to have a goals check-in in this episode.
What We Talked About In This Episode:
- Our 2019 Business Goals
- Finding out we were pregnant was a curveball, but we have made adjustments and are on track for most goals
- Goals
- Complete 2 consulting or philanthropy projects - We are on track to accomplish this one
- Kicking off one this week
- Speak together 4 times
- We have accomplished this already and we will over achieve on this one
- Made a lot of progress in Q3
- Build social media presence
- Have been a bit inconsistent on this one, especially in Q3
- Grow email list by 250 subscribers
- Adjusted this one during our Q2 check-in
- Still inconsistent, but made more progress in Q3
- Stay consistent with our podcast
- We have done good with this one, even with having a baby
- Blog every week
- We get an F for this one, but in the episode we decide to close strong and blog 8 times before the end of 2019
- Host online course
- We pushed this one to 2020 in Q2 check-in
- Write book
- We pushed this one to 2020 in Q2 check-in
We are lucky to live in the great city of Austin, Texas. People often ask us about Austin so we decided to dedicate an episode to the city. But the episode turned into one about how to get connected in a new city after speaking to a friend who is struggling to connect with people after moving away from Austin. This episode more than anything is about connection and moving towards something rather than away from something.
What We Talked About In This Episode:
- We’ve been wanting to do an episode about Austin because we love our city and people ask us about it all the time
- We moved to Austin at different times
- We both found a way to get connected
- We are not music people or outdoorsy people or ACL or SXSW people
- We are not your typical weird Austinites, but we love the community here
- A friend just moved to a new city and is having trouble making friends
- We talk about how to get acquainted to a new city
- How we got connected in Austin
- Moving toward something rather than running away
- The overall theme of the episode Connection
- We are need to be in a place where we are connected
- We don't connect enough with poeple anymore
Life has gotten real over here! Our son is now 4 weeks old! This is our first time recording an episode since he was born. In this episode, we share the birth story of Lincoln Foles Alaniz-Moyer. We begin at our 38 week doctors appointment and end with a baby! There is lots that happens in between.
This is a very special episode as it was recorded straight from the delivery room on the day our first child was born. We thought we would share our hopes and dreams for our little guy who entered the world about 10 hours after this was recorded. We never wanted kids, but this is our reality and after this episode and our Lincoln being born we now realize he was our missing LINC in our now Team of Three.
What We Talked About in this Episode:
- Our hopes and dreams for our child - Lincoln Foles Alaniz-Moyer
- We want him to be a good human
- We want him to be proud of being bi-racial
- We want him love traveling
- We want him to be a servant leader
- We want him to connect with his community
- We want him to be a real part of our lives
- Lincoln was born at 7:50pm on the day this episode was recorded: 9-9-2019.
- He was 8 pounds and 5 ounces and 20 3/4 inches
- Check out our social media for all the pics! @BashleyMoyer on Instagram and Billy & Ashley Moyer on Facebook.
It should come as no surprise that we love professional development books around here. And a favorite we have in common is Five Dysfunctions of a Team by Patrick Lencioni. While many of these apply directly to relationships, we modified the dysfunctions to our relationship in this episode. Tune in to hear more about how absence of trust, lack of communication, fear of conflict, lack of commitment, and little fun impact our relationship.
What We Talked About in this Episode:
- BABY WATCH- Baby Bashley is <1 week from his due date, and when you listen to this episode Ashley is either being induced or baby has arrived!
-
- Catch us on Instagram (@BashleyMoyer) to stay up-to-date
- Our shared favorite book - The Five Dysfunctions of a Team by Patrick Lencioni
-
- Be sure to check out all our favorite professional development books in Episode 47
- While many apply directly to relationships, we thought we would adapt and adjust the 5 dysfunctions to our relationship
- How the Absence of Trust can set a relationship up with a bad foundation
- When Lack of Communication impacts our relationship
- How Fear of Conflict creates to artificial harmony
- How Lack of Commitment leads to keeping score and making sure everything is 50/50
- When we are having Little or No Enjoyment/Fun/Love our relationship is not at its best
Get to know us in a different way as we sound off on a particular issue or event. We each bring up a topic that the other has no idea about and have a free flowing conversation around it. Join us this week as we chat about Andrew Luck doing "such a millennial thing" by retiring at 29 years old and the lack of creativity in movies and TV.
What We Talked About in this Episode:
- BABY WATCH- Baby Bashley is 3 weeks from his due date and looking healthy. We are hoping for an early exit so Ashley can enjoy sleeping on her stomach again
- Ashley addresses the lack of creativity in movies and TV, but how we as consumers eat it right up
-
- ...Lizzie McGuire reboot anyone?
- Billy brings up Andrew Luck's retirement and a particular tweet claiming his retirement as a "millennial thing to do"
In a previous episode (EP 50), we laughed our way through our pet peeves with each another. We often don’t take the time to sit back and appreciate one another. So this week we are switching it up and chatting about the ways we make each other better. Listen in as we each list off 4 ways we have become #bettertogether.
What We Talked About in this Episode:
- How our previous episode on pet peeves inspired this episode (episode 50)
- The ways Billy makes Ashley better
-
- He keeps her informed on current events
-
- Why read the news when you can just ask Billy?
- He helps her toughen up while recognizing her emotions
-
- He knows the right
- He helped her find her voice
-
- Ashley is less passive and less of a people-pleaser now ...even if she is the stereotypical enneagram 2 ‘The Helper” who focuses on the needs of others first
- He helps her push her limits in various skills
-
- Ashley has a lot of self-doubt going into public speaking, but Billy provides reassurance that she has been asked to be there to share her expertise
- The ways Ashley makes Billy better
-
- She encourages him to keep trying in friendships & relationships he values
- She gets him to try new things and loosens him up a bit
-
- Have we ever mentioned how he created an hour-by-hour itinerary for our honeymoon?!
- She pushes him to more often step up as a leader
- She opened his perspective on diversity issues in the US
We often talk about our shared passion for education and learning. But finding your passions and purpose isn't always easy. In this episode, we share our four steps for uncovering your passions & purpose. We discuss how going through these steps has helped us discover our own purpose that we are living out daily. Music “Sunny” by Bensound.com.
What We Talked About in this Episode:
- Our shared passion for education & life-long learning and where it came from
- The steps we took to discover our passions & purpose
-
- Examining your talents and abilities - What gifts have you been given?
-
- Ashley cares for people and connects with them
- Ashley is a gifted facilitator
- Billy has a gift for public speaking and writing
- Looking back on your life story
-
- Ashley used to play school as a kid and her dad was the first in his family to go to college
- Billy started speaking about goal setting at 7 years old
- Spending time in quiet reflection
-
- This step is the most difficult and happens at the same time as the first two steps
- Billy shares how a car accident helped him better understand this step
- Finding a coach or mentor
-
- Coaches you pay for, mentors are usually free
- These people help guide you and hold you accountable
Billy wrote a whole book about purpose called Retreat to Success: Living Your Life on Purpose. Email us a Collab@BashleyMoyer.com for a free copy!
We're getting a bit personal this week! We all have pet peeves about the people we love the most and we are opening up about our biggest annoyances with each other. Luckily, we both took the conversation in good stride and giggled our way through this episode. Music “Sunny” by Bensound.com.
What We Talked About in this Episode:
- Completing a full year of this podcast and a few changes we plan on making
-
- Occasionally, we will throw in an episode that shares a little bit more about us personally & our relationship - like this week!
- Billy's pet peeves about Ashley
-
- Her lack of concept of time
- Her lack of communication when she is out and about
- She loves to putz around!
- Ashley's pet peeves about Billy
-
- His obsession with being early to everything
- His impatience while driving
- His inability to give an opinion on dress/attire
It’s our 1 year podcast-iversary! One goal we succeeded with was keeping up with this podcast- yay! Some other goals did not fare as well. In this week’s episode, we chat about not hitting goals and what to do when this happens. Grab our download to guide you through this process at bashleymoyer.com/goalsrevisited. Music “Sunny” by Bensound.com.
What We Talked About in this Episode:
- Our failure to meet some of our 2019 goals
- The process we use to assess our progress to our goals - Reflect, Examine, Adjust
- Billy slides into coach mode and walks Ashley through our process
Despite some big life changes, we impressed ourselves with our Q1 progress towards our goals. But how did we do in Q2? In this week's episode, we look back at April, May, and June and our progress towards our goals and we update you on those big life changes. Music “Sunny” by Bensound.com.
What We Talked About in this Episode:
- An update on what we've been up to
-
- We're still processing bringing in a little one in September
- We moved to the suburbs!
- We travelled to Philly and Hawaii (babymoon)
- Our progress towards our 2019 goals
-
- Complete 2 consulting or philanthropy projects
- Speak together 4 times
- Build social media presence
- Grow email list to 1,000 subscribers
- Stay consistent with our podcast
- Blog every week
- Host online course
- Write book
Strong marriages come down to great partnerships. But since starting our business, we've noticed a few things we do differently as partners in business in addition to being partners in life. Join us as we talk through a few instances where we have noticed ourselves operating differently than before. Music “Sunny” by Bensound.com.
Ask and you shall receive - This week is a listener request! We are a little surprised it took us this long to dedicate an episode to our favorite personal & professional books. This week, we share each of our 3 favorite books, when we first read them, and the impact they have left on us. What books have made a significant impact on you? Music “Sunny” by Bensound.com.
What We Talked About in this Episode:
- Billy's favorite books
-
- As a Man Thinketh by James Allen
- The Leadership Challenge by James Kouzes and Barry Posner
- Mindset by Dr. Carol Dweck
- Ashley's favorite books
-
- Lean In by Sheryl Sandberg
- The Five Dysfunctions of a Team by Patrick Lencioni
- The Turnaround by Billy Moyer
Thank you notes, awards, and words of affirmation. All of them are various forms of recognition. But what do you do when you feel undeserving or oppositely, when ego gets inflated? Listen in as we chat about the various forms of recognition, how we handle it, and how we make sure we give it right back out. Music “Sunny” by Bensound.com.
What We Talked About in this Episode:
- The different types of recognition
- How we handle recognition
- That pesky Imposter's Syndrome and why we now think it's all fake (hint: it means you're spending too much time focusing on others' accomplishments
- The good and bad side of recognition
- A challenge to you - who is someone you can thank or recognize in your life?
Routines. When we are following them, life is good. Right now our life is chaos and we are making it worse because we have not routines. In this episode, we discuss some of the causes for this, the areas of our life most needing a routine, and our solutions and some new routine ideas. Music “Sunny” by Bensound.com.
What We Talked About in this Episode:
- Some causes for our lack of routines
-
- We are still processing being pregnant
- We recently moved (see above)
- Ashley also moved offices
- The areas of our life needing new routines and our solutions
-
- Commuting
-
- Looking an entire week out
- Leave earlier
- Our business, Bashley Collaborative
-
- Utilizing the extra time in the car for planning
- Ultimately, we need to improve communication as we settle into our new place and new news!
Turn-down. Brush off. Nix. No matter how you say it, rejection is never a fun thing to experience. Sometimes you can control it and other times you cannot. In this episode, we share some of our first experiences with rejection, some recent ones and our ways to try and overcome it. Music “Sunny” by Bensound.com.
What We Talked About in this Episode:
- Our early experiences with rejection
-
- For Billy, being rejected from his top choice college
- For Ashley, it was being rejected (and rejecting) new classmates after moving
- More recent rejections
-
- Our first proposal under our business Bashley Collaborative
- Difficulty reaching out to a sibling due to fear of rejection
- Job and board applications
- Tips for overcoming rejection
-
- Let yourself feel those initial emotions (anger, sadness, etc,), but recognize that you have to pull yourself out of it
- Remember that some situations you can control and others you cannot
- Don't let the fear of rejection paralyze you from taking action
Working with your spouse is not something to take likely. There's seeds that get planted along the way. And a strong foundation can lead to a successful business and marriage. In this episode, we reflect on the seeds that were planted that set us up to want to jump into business together. Music “Sunny” by Bensound.com.
What We Talked About in this Episode:
- Our early influences
-
- The example Billy's parents set as volunteer youth ministers
- Early relationship
- How we grew from supporting one another to working together
-
- Supporting each other in each of our jobs
- Collabing on various philanthropic projects
- Every marriage is a working marriage
-
- Every (strong) couple is constantly working together to ensure their marriage continues and is healthy
Ego is a dirty little word and we are dedicating an entire episode to it. We recently noticed others disguising their self-serving actions as the acts of a servant leader. We then challenged ourselves to look inward and determine how our egos affect us. In this episode, we discuss the dirty side of our egos, what our ugly egos look like, the ways it affects our relationship, and how it impacts others and our leadership. Plus for some reason, Billy snorts in the middle of this episode. Music “Sunny” by Bensound.com.
What We Talked About in this Episode:
- Examples of ego and self-serving leadership
- The ways ego interferes with our relationship
-
- For Billy, its putting himself into every situation and giving advice or a coaching session when Ashley shares a struggle or issue
- For Ashley, it's an inability to apologize when in the wrong out of fear of looking like the lesser person
- Why Billy snorts in the middle of a podcast episode
- How ego disables us as leaders
-
- Our shared “my way or the highway” mentality that possible stems from an egotistical view of being the smartest person in the room
- Reminding ourselves why we are doing what we do
-
- For Ashley, is it for praise?
- For Billy, is it for power?
- What reality star reminds Ashley of Billy
-
- Hint: They have a massive ego
We talk a lot about goals, action, and achievement on this podcast. But we are human. There are things that hold us back from being our best selves. Rather than pointing the finger at external obstacles, we are looking inwards and sharing the ways we hold ourselves back. There is lots of vulnerability in this episode. Music “Sunny” by Bensound.com.
What We Talked About in this Episode:
- Looking at external factors that gold you back is easy, but it’s hard to look internally
-
- The biggest obstacle to every goal is yourself
- The ways we hold ourselves back
-
- For Billy, it is thinking too far in the past
-
- He overanalyzes his past actions and their impact on the present
- For Ashley, it is being too concerned with what others perceive
-
- There is an interesting balance of managing credibility and maintaining humility
- For or us together, it is being too comfortable with one another
-
- We fall into our roles and do not challenge ourselves
Back in episode 38, we discussed some changes with our plans for 2019. But just how much did those changes affect our progress on our 2019 goals? In this week's episode, we take you through each of our joint goals & action steps and grade our progress over the last quarter. Music “Sunny” by Bensound.com.
What We Talked About in this Episode:
- Our 2019 started off really strong, but come February we were thrown a major curveballs
- The effects of this curveball on our work habits
- Our progress towards our 2019 goals
-
- Complete 2 consulting or philanthropy projects
- Speak together 4 times
- Build social media presence
- Grow email list to 1,000 subscribers
- Stay consistent with our podcast
- Blog every week
- Host online course
- Write book
In this episode of I Do, We Do, we re-do one of most popular episodes. We each share and discuss 10 new dreams and work them out together in order to add to our official combined Dream List. We love dreaming and setting goals. Hopefully hearing us go through this process will show you just how simple it is.
Click here for a free Goal Setting for Partners download. What We Talked About in this Episode:
- We each share and discuss our 10 dreams
Ashley’s Dream List
- See the Northern lights
- Take a trip with both sets of parents... and pick up the tab
- Take an immersion trip into a cultural trip (like SBE)
- Learn Spanish
- Make a large philanthropic gift somewhere
- Own property = (i.e. owning a building downtown, a chunk of land, etc.)
- Have an impact on education policy; provide a lot of testimony like policy change locally, at the state, or national level
- Speak to a large group of people (thousands)
- Make a career change for the challenge
- Host an international exchange student
Billy’s Dream List
- Live in Center City Philadelphia
- Go to the Kentucky Derby
- Live in another country
- Write a novel (wrote 4 business leadership related books)
- Star in a musical
- Own a Philly sports team
- Make a 6 figure donation
- Play a basketball game in the Palestra arena in Philadelphia
- Have a beer with Chase Utley
-
Run for political office
- “We talk a lot about our problems, we complain a lot about our problems, but rarely will people step up and do something to put a stop that problem.
Added to Combined Dream List
- Take a vacation with both sets parents... and pick up the tab
- Spend a significant amount of time in another country to culturally immerse ourselves
- See the northern lights
- Go to Kentucky Derby
- Learn Spanish
- Speak to a large crowd together → turn into a goal
- Make a 6 figure gift
-
House an international student
- “Have an open-mind. Be excited for your partner’s dreams. Push them. It’s okay to question them a little bit, but don’t tear them down right away.”
Ashley is motivated by Will Smith’s recent YouTube video, because he preaches the importance of how you should do things that scare you so that you’ll grow
“If you can be disciplined and write down everything you truly want to do and discuss it with your partner, it leads to a lot of “ah-hah” moments.”
“It’s not about whether you need more of in life, because you should be happy with who you are and where you are. This is about whether or not you want something more and if you want more then you really are searching for growth.”
We put together our best plan ever for 2019. We got off to a great start crossing off action items for our most important goals. We were holding each other accountable. We were communicating. We were collaborating. We knew for sure 2019 was our year. And then our plans changed. In this episode, we share what happened to change our plans for 2019. This is a must listen episode!
In this episode, we do a re-do of one of our most popular episodes. Goal Setting! We share why we set goals and how. We believe setting goals together ensures that we are always growing together rather than apart. Billy has a long history with goal setting. Ashley drank the kool-aid and together we consider setting and achieving goals one of our greatest and most important collabs.
Download a free goal setting lesson for partners at BashleyMoyer.com/goals.
Music “Sunny” by Bensound.com.
What We Talked About in this Episode:
- Billy went through his first goal setting program when he was just four-years-old
-
- He has continued learning about goal setting and teaching others about the subject ever since
- Paul J. Meyer, the founder of the personal development industry said, “If you are not making the progress you would like to make and are capable of making, it is simply because your goals are not clearly defined.”
- Goals bring out the best in us.
- Ashley shares the story of Billy asking her about her goals and sharing his goals when they first met
-
- Some companions from Billy’s past were turned off by this, but Ashley was intrigued and of course stuck around to learn more
- Ashley shares more about her own personal thoughts on goal setting and how they have changed with Billy
- Ashley is go with the flow, Billy is the planner
-
- But we both enjoy setting goals.
- The goal setting process begins with a Dream List
-
- This is how we got started goal setting together and they continue adding to their list every year.
- A Dream List is exactly what it sounds like. Some call it a bucket list. This is simply all the things you want to do in your life together.
-
Next comes creating a short list of goals - no more than 10
-
- We do this every year as well.
- We start by setting individual goals and then coming together for a date night to share the goals and work on our combined list.
- Through this process especially, it is important that we fully support one another.
-
- There are no stupid goals. This should be a real discussion.
- What do we really want to accomplish together over the next year? What are the benefits of the goal? What obstacles stand in our way? What steps need to be taken to achieve it?
- Set challenging goals together that are realistic
-
- There are no unrealistic goals just some really bad target dates.
- Goal setting is supposed to be uncomfortable.
- Goal setting begins with an awareness of where you are right now and a desire to change your future together
- Goals are a prelude to action, they are a course to take; they are an expression of your strengths; they are an exercise of your desire for becoming better together
- Growing together is a choice all partners must make
-
- Growing apart is an excuse.
Mental-health day or self-care? We millennials love to develop our own phrases for everything. Either way you call it, it is something we practice regularly. In this episode, we discuss what self care is and what it isn't, what we do separately to practice self-care, and what we do together to practice what we call "together care." Music “Sunny” by Bensound.com.
What We Talked About in this Episode:
- What self care is/isn’t
-
- It is not just doing something for yourself
- It's an activity that puts you in a better mind place, zen out,
- Self-care solo
-
- What Ashley does
-
- Blowouts
- Journaling
- What Billy does
-
- Reading
- Self care together
-
- Travel/trips
- Spas
- Walks/workouts
- Conversations, listening to each other
- Listening to Audible together
- Couples who self care together stay together
-
- Did we just coin Together-Care?
We just celebrated International Women's Day, so we're approaching everyone's favorite topic… gender norms. Before we met, there’s so many norms we fought. But once we got married, we took this to another level. We love identifying as a modern couple, but we are not perfect. In this episode, we share our opinions on gender norms, identify the norms we fight, and the ones we fall right in to. Music “Sunny” by Bensound.com.
What We Talked About in this Episode
- Our perspective on Gender Norms
-
- Awareness is key
- How we fight some gender norms
-
- Ashley choose to hyphen her last name after marriage, and now Billy wishes he would have done the same
- We hold each other's careers with equal importance, Ashley even held the title if “breadwinner” for several years
- Billy likes “girly” things - Musicals, Chick flicks, spas/pampering,
- Ashley likes sports!
- How we play into other norms
-
- Through our enneagram episode, we learned our personalities play right into the stereotypical roles of “mom & dad”
- Chores - She does dishes, he takes out the trash
They are the ultimate #relationshipgoals (even if they hate the title)... Michelle and Barack Obama. We are feeling very inspired after seeing Michelle on her Becoming book tour. In this episode, we provide a recap on her book tour, why we find this couple so inspiring, and how we are BECOMING better together using them as an example. Music “Sunny” by Bensound.com.
What We Talked About in this Episode:
- There are a lot of couples we look up to - Our parents first and foremost. We have interviewed them before. They have 82 years of marriage between them!
- Famous Duos - We have talked about three famous power couples before - Chip and Joanna Gaines, Julie and Zach Ertz and Beyonce and Jay Z.
-
RelationshipGoals - Michelle and Barack Obama
- Becoming Book Tour comes to Austin
-
- We recap the event
- Perception of Austin from Rachel Ray and Michelle
- Michelle talked about the pressure of #RelationshipGoals and how they are no different from any other couple. They have worked hard on their relationship to get to where they are. It hasn’t always been pretty and it has never been easy
-
- Remembering it comes it waves
- Couple to admire bc they are both hard workers, but know how to let loose
- Traditional roles since presidential run
- How we are Becoming better together
- Becoming requires overcoming
It is official, we have a newborn business! When we started this podcast, we had no plans that this collab would turn into a business centered on collaboration. In this episode, we discuss what inspired us to start a business together, give a short update on where we are in our business, and some of challenges with starting a business with your spouse. Music “Sunny” by Bensound.com.
What We Talked About in this Episode
- Why we decided to start a business together when we had already done so much work together
- Our business is a consulting agency centered around collaboration
-
- Bashley Collaborative is officially an LLC
- We have a handful of projects we are working on
- ...and we got our first rejection!
- The fun parts about starting a business with your spouse
- The challenges when starting a business with your spouse
We’re revisiting the Enneagram! The ever popular Enneagram is back on our minds but we’re focusing on what it's like to work with a Type 8 (Billy) and a Type 2 (Ashley). We talk through a few characteristics typical of a Type 8 (The Challenger) & Type 2 (The Helper), how they relate to each of us, and how we work around these traits and embrace them to be a powerhouse team of two. Music “Sunny” by Bensound.com.
What We Talked About in this Episode:
- A recap on our enneagram types
-
- Billy is a Type 8: The Challenger
- Ashley is a Type 2: The Helper
- These types are more similar than they seem both desire impact & influence but have different ways about achieving it
-
- Type 8 is direct and results oriented
- Type 2 is people-oriented and altruistic
- Type 2 is nicknamed The Helper and it couldn’t describe Ashley more perfectly. She has built her career on helping others and takes this on in her personal life too.
- Type 8 loves to challenges but loves to give other the opportunity to be challenged and convinces others to take on challenges
-
- Ashley often tells Billy when she convincible
- When we started this podcast, Billy always asked “What’s the end result?” to which Ashley responded “Just to have fun.” Later, he convinced her to start business which they officially started in February 2019.
- Type 2 can be seen as a fairy-godmother
-
- Unknowingly, Ashley often jokes about being a fairy godmother to the many scholarship recipients of the non-profit she runs
- How Ashley needs a wand
- Type 8s love control and hate being controlled, which completely describes Billy
-
- Even physically, Billy hates certain positions when cuddling because he doesn’t have control of his body
- Ashley had difficulty working with this when before she was always the one who was forced to make plans
-
- She doesn’t desire control, but likes to fill needs and help others
- Type 2s are empathetic and are in tune to others, Type 8s like results and often loses emotional contact
-
- Billy doesn’t walk into situations wanting to make friends, but recognizes that others might & that’s where Ashley’s skillset shines
- Ashley often serves as a consultant for Billy when communicating emotions with others
- Type 2s help others so much, it often is to the detriment of their own health
-
- When Ashley gets tired or stressed, her emotions come out. Billy then asks himself, “What can I do for Ashley to help her, so she’s not always being the helper?”
It’s Valentine’s Day week and we thought it was about time for us to share our love story with you. Isn’t it crazy that it took us 31 episodes to share this story? In this episode, we share how Billy Moyer and Ashley Alaniz met, fell in love, got engaged and became Bashley! You get to hear who was smitten with the other first, how we split the cost of our first date, got engaged after dating for 6 months and had one epic wedding. Music “Sunny” by Bensound.com.
What We Talked About in this Episode:
- Where we were in our lives before we met in April 2010
-
- Billy was almost two years out of college and working to build his business.
-
- After trying a bit too hard in past relationships he had decided to focus on work.
- Ashley was almost a year out of college and had just started her first job.
-
- She was still in college mode doing some partying and was living with her parents.
- A new work friend of Ashley and Billy’s best friend introduced us.
- Our first date - We went to a restaurant in downtown Fort Worth, Texas where Billy paid and a Comedy Club where Ashley paid.
-
- Billy finally went in for a kiss at the door dropping Ashley at home after chickening out many times before
- Ashley told her friends that night that she was going to marry Billy
- It took Billy a little longer to know the relationship was for real, but when he did he started looking at rings.
-
- This was in July only 6 weeks after our first date
- We got engaged on November 6, 2010.
-
- It happened on a picnic at TCU where Ashley went to college.
- Billy had a surprise for her which she finally opened.
-
- It was a big box and inside was a football that asked her to marry him.
- Billy got down on one knee and after about 5 seconds that felt like an hour Ashley, said yes.
- We became Bashley on November 5, 2011.
-
- We got married in Saint Mary Cathedral in downtown Austin.
- Our reception was a ton of fun and it included a Piano Bar!
In episode 30 of the I Do, We Do podcast, we dig deeper into Collaboration. This subject has been a part of every episode we have done as it is the basis for the show, but we wanted to dedicate a whole episode to it. We talk about the difference between support and collaboration. We share why and how we collab with each other and of course share some of the challenges. We also discuss some collab killers that can kill any team. Music “Sunny” by Bensound.com.
What We Talked About in this Episode:
- The difference between supporting your partner and collaborating (or collabing!) with your partner
-
- Support looks like selling your partner’s books after a speaking engagement, taking photos, helping each other with events
- Collabing is utilizing you & your partner’s differences to achieve epic results
-
The ways we collab
-
- This podcast, our business Bashley Collaborative
- Community events like the LEAD Summit and CTX Signing Day
- Why we weren’t collaborators early in our relationship
-
- We’ve learned our different styles and get better results when we embrace this
- Challenges we have faced
-
- Learning new things about each other that we may have never known
- Remembering to not settle into roles that come easy
- Our Collab Killers
-
- Read more about them at: https://www.bashleymoyer.com/blogpost/2018/8/5/relationship-and-collaboration-killers
We’re so excited to be bringing you another interview. This one is extra special because we are sitting down with Ashley’s parents, Ed & Janie Alaniz. Having celebrated their 40th wedding anniversary, they share all their tips for balancing different personalities and using values to ground yourself and your relationship. Plus hear their real opinion of Billy 7 years after joining the family! Music “Sunny” by Bensound.com.
What We Talked About in this Episode:
- How Ashley’s parents identify as total opposites
-
- Janie is the social butterfly, Ed is the quiet observant type
- The key step in the managing differences in a relationship
-
- Mutual respect! - There is no need to force the other person to be like the other
- The best examples of collaboration in their relationship
-
- Managing their parent roles equally
- Ed earning his MBA while working full-time and Janie was pregnant with Ashley’s sister
- The moment when they knew Ashley would build a career in service to others
- Where their passion for service came from
-
- Janie’s inspiration from a fellow cancer survivor
- Ed’s Catholic upbringing… and how he stole candy during service projects!
- The thing Billy & Ed share in common
- How Billy’s values helped Ed & Janie better understand him as a future son-in-law
- Its okay to disagree but you need to understand their values and where the other person is coming from
Coincidence this episode is the latest we’ve ever published a podcast? Doubtful. It’s because we love to procrastinate. In this episode of I Do, We Do, we are talking all about dragging our heels, putting things off, delegating to our future selves, … all nice ways to say we have a tendency to procrastinate. You’ll hear all about our what procrastination looks like to each of us, our key triggers, and our methods for overcoming. Music “Sunny” by Bensound.com.
What We Talked About in this Episode:
- Why each of us has a tendency to procrastinate
-
- For Billy, it's because he does his best work under pressure and possibly has undiagnosed ADD
- For Ashley, its because she is and efficient worker but always says “Oh, that only takes me 15 minutes to do. I can always do it later.”
- Our biggest triggers for procrastination
-
- Our schedules - Ashley procrastinates when her schedule is too open. Billy is the opposite and procrastinates when he has a busy schedule and too much is on his plate
- No deadlines - if it isn’t urgent or have a clear deadline, Billy will continue to put it off
- No vision for final result - Ashley won’t spend time on a project without knowing the final result because she views it as a possible waste of her time
- Our methods for overcoming procrastination
-
- Accountability partners - We have both given each other permission to hold ourselves accountable
- David Allen’s Getting Things Done method & bullet journaling
- Breaking tasks down into smaller ones
- Scheduling time to work on projects & tasks
We’ve spent the last three episodes talking about our goal setting process and now it’s time to get to the most important part -- ACTION. We’ve given each other permission to hold us accountable to our goals. But to make sure this doesn’t turn into nagging, we have built some structure around how we will hold ourselves & each other accountable to our 2019 goals. We share more about our Action + Accountability plan, our regular check-ins, and structured work sessions. You can grab your own copy of our Action + Accountability Plan at bashleymoyer.com/action. Music “Sunny” by Bensound.com.
What We Talked About in this Episode:
- The key document we created to hold ourselves accountable to our goals
-
- In a spreadsheet, we track our goals, start/end dates, who is responsible, and important notes
- Grab yours at bashleymoyer.com/action
- How goals and action go hand in hand
-
- Action is what makes goals different than resolutions
- The importance of giving your partner permission to hold you accountable to your goals
-
- This isn’t permission to nag!
- Our two methods for getting stuff done - regular check ins & scheduled work sessions
- What we talk about in our regular check ins
-
- Daily - where we discuss immediate needs & actions, allows us to make sure we working on our goals every single day
- Weekly - scheduled on calendar, a time to regroup & revisit our Action + Accountability plan (link) and figure out who is working on what for the next week
- Monthly- where we get a bit more strategical, determine what tweaks (or pivot) we need
- Quarterly- more of a retreat like (link) check in, a time to hit the reset button
- Each check-in we zoom out a bit more and take a look at the big picture
- Giving you all permission to hold us accountable to our goals
-
- Once a quarter, we will come back on the podcast and give you all an update on our progress to our goals
- Some of our personal tactics to hold ourselves accountable as individuals
-
- For Billy, this is a habit tracker or 1-31 tracking list
- For Ashley, this is worksheets that are personally designed with key questions and reminders
Taking time away to plan for a new year is really important for us. But we understand that not everyone does it! That’s why in this episode, we’re sharing more about our 2019 planning retreat. We explain the decisions leading into us taking time away (versus staying home), our agenda for the 3 days, and how we turned goals into a timeline. It's was a time for us to relax, reflect on 2018, and set our goals and intentions for the new year. Music “Sunny” by Bensound.com.
What We Talked About in this Episode:
- Why every set of partners should go on a retreat
- The prep work required to go on a retreat with your partner
-
- The deciding factors that led us to pick Lakeway Resort & Spa for our retreat
- What made us plan for a three day retreat
- The homework we gave ourselves
- Our first night’s agenda
-
- Prioritizing our conversation around our marriage, relationship, and personal needs
- That vulnerability really opens you up for some powerful conversations
- The one question that set the tone for the next day: Is this podcast a hobby or do we want to build a business? (Spoiler alert: a business)
- The questions we asked ourselves to move this from hobby to business
-
- Identifying who we have connected with the most through this podcast and social media
- What we want to get out of our business together
- The need to separate while on a retreat to focus on personal goals
-
- You’ll hear how Ashley wanted to start over on her list
- Coming back together to discuss personal goals and identifying goals that we need to set together to be successful
- The number of goals we find manageable for a year
- Moving our goals into action plans
Another year come and gone! Last week (EP #24) we reflected back on 2018, the highs and lows. In this week’s episode, we are focusing on the goals we are setting for ourselves in 2019. We’re sharing what we plan to do in our 9-5s, our work together, individually and even some other goals we have together. Let us know how we can help you with all your goals for the new year! Music “Sunny” by Bensound.com.
What We Talked about in this Episode:
- The thing we are most looking forward to in 2019
-
- For Ashley, this is her sister’s wedding
- For Billy, it's all of the travel we have scheduled for 2019
-
- including… a bachelorette/bachelor party for Ashley’s sister and future husband
- Ashley’s goal to work more efficiently
-
- especially, turning off the TV when working from home
- Our individual goals to be a better spouse to one another
-
- For Billy, this is getting more vulnerable and opening up about his feelings
- For Ashley, this is being a better listener and speaking to Billy in his love language
- How learning is always a goal of ours
-
- Billy is challenging himself to read a book a week, Ashley is a book a month
- Ashley constantly listening to podcasts, but Billy’s goal is to listen to at least one a week
- Our desire to attend conferences in areas we can still learn in
- Billy’s desire to take a finance course and Ashley's want to journal more
- Our work goals
- How we are prioritizing our involvement in the community
-
- Embracing the learning opportunities and the opportunities to mentor others
- Being the board member our commitments need and deserve
- The relationships Billy is working on repairing and the one he is letting go
- Our desire to keep improving our health and wellness
- Our financial goals
- How we plan to go all in on our online community
-
- Our goal to build an online course
- How we want to connect with more couples working together
- Our desire to write a book together
- How we plan to deliver constant and consistent content to you every week
- Our process for setting annual goals together
2018 quite literally started off with a bang. And not in a good way. In this episode, we discuss our best moments in 2018 and those not so great moments. Rather than just giving the Instagram highlight reel, we dig a bit deeper and share the lessons we learned throughout the year. We’ve had so many great and challenging experiences this year and are so grateful for each one for everything we have learned. Stay tuned for Part II, where we will Look Forward to 2019. Music “Sunny” by Bensound.com.
What We Talked about in this Episode:
- Carrying too many distractions into 2018 and the result
-
- managing a car accident at a terrible time
- resetting financial goals
- Our accomplishments in the community
-
- For Billy, this was serving as the Chair of a board of directors
- For Ashley, this was a special recognition she received
- Our travels and our favorite trip of the year -- Rome!
-
- Ashley’s first intercontinental trip
- Experiencing a different culture
- Our health journey
-
- What caused it
- How we kick-started healthier eating habits
- The need for more of a challenge
-
- Ashley operated in cruise control throughout most of the year
- Procrastinating on several committees out of familiarity
- How our work together has satisfied our need for a challenge
-
- Facilitated programs & hosting corporate workshops
- We learned so much about each other and ourselves
- We’ve learned to meet each other where we are
The holidays are here! For many couples, ‘tis is the season to compromise. Deciding where to be for the big holidays was one of the hardest conversations we had early in our relationship. There was some tears and there was some yelling, but we have learned that compromise is key. That’s why in this week’s episode we are digging a little deeper into that early conversation, sharing a few other ways we compromise, and providing a few tips for you to keep in mind the next time you are struggling to reach a compromise. Music “Sunny” by Bensound.com.
What We Talked about in this Episode:
- The inspiration for this episode - the holidays! ...and managing expectations for family get-togethers
- How we started the conversation of dividing the holidays
-
- What the non-negotiables were for each of us
- Creating more win-win situations
- Where we have combined our families for even bigger & greater celebrations
- Billy’s Grinch-like feelings about holiday get-togethers
- Other areas of our relationship that require compromise
-
- Billy’s desire to live in different neighborhoods in Austin
- Selling our second car & continuing to share one car
- Not compromising on our values, clearly communicating
- Compromise is not easy, but get easier by
-
- Picking your battles
- Keeping an open-mind
- Seeking to understand
- Communicating with your partner
As Gandhi once said “The best way to lose yourself is in service to others.” Service & community involvement was a way we initially connected in our relationship and continues to be a value we share together. In this episode, we share where our passion for service comes from, what issues we care most about, and how we continue to lean in to leadership roles in our community. Music “Sunny” by Bensound.com.
What We Talked about in this Episode:
- Where our passion for service comes from
-
- For Ashley, volunteer and philanthropy weren't words that were used regularly by her parents but everything was about gratitude
-
- Thank you cards for the holidays were written on Christmas Day
- Her parents helped her understand that there are people who are less fortunate
- Excess wasn’t a thing, toys & games that were still very loved would be donated
- In high school, volunteering was a way to get out of the house but she slowly learned in importance
- For Billy, service was important at an early age came from his mother’s work as a social worker
-
- He would work at senior centers with her or deliver Meals on Wheels with parents
- His Catholic education plays a role in this because the faith is rooted in social justice
- What issues we are most passionate about
-
- We don’t volunteer to just volunteer, we want to make an impact
- Education & learning is at the center of many of our commitments
- We love seeing others grow and develop into leaders
- How service continues to be a way we come together
-
- How service initially brought us together
- How we know when the other person’s skill set is more needed for each of our commitments
- Our desire to serve on a board together
- How you should always gain something some service
-
- You should be gaining a new relationship, a new perspective, or a positive feeling
- How we have learned to lean in to leadership roles
-
- The key for both of us has been to identifying gaps and filling them
- Simply showing up shows commitment
- Being out in the community and understanding other people’s problems
Coming together in our marriage meant a shift in priorities. We became more intentional with how we spent our time and WHO we spend our time with. It isn’t fun, but many friendships shifted or even ended. In this episode, we talk about the different types of friendships that changed as we came together in our relationship and the reminder we give ourselves when we notice our friends’ shifting priorities. Music “Sunny” by Bensound.com.
What We Talked about in this Episode:
- The conversation that inspired this episode
-
- Ashley’s intern sought advice for managing current friendships that she feels will not last after college
- What type of friend’s we are in friendships
-
- Ashley is the instant BFF - makes good friends quickly, but fizzles
- Billy struggles to know the difference between friend and acquaintance, but keeps friends for a long period of time
- Friendships that changed as our relationship together grew
-
- The friend out of convenience - For Billy this was the single buddy. Once they met their significant others, the relationship came to a natural end
- The toxic friend - For Ashley, this was a close friend that was always difficult to manage. the time and energy was no longer worth it when also balancing a relationship
- The longtime friend - For Billy, this was his childhood best friend. Values were so far off after nearly 25 years that it just became difficult.
- The book that provided clarity on some of these friendships
- How conflict in friendships comes down to unclear expectations
- The reminder we give ourselves when we notice friends shifting priorities
We’re coming to you from Philadelphia this week! We love traveling together. This is our 11th trip of 2019 and we still have one to go (Hawaii you’re next!). We often get asked… “How do you all travel so much?”. On this week’s episode, we are sharing our travel tips from where we book flights, to our favorite airlines, and what we do in a new city. Music “Sunny” by Bensound.com.
What We Talked about in this Episode:
- All the things you can do in Billy’s favorite city… Philadelphia, where this episode was recorded
- How our dream list DOES NOT shape our travel plans for a year
-
- Our travel picks us, based on deals and cheap flights
- The three places we go to every year
- Our favorite websites and apps for finding great deals
-
- Escape ATX and Cheap DFW, there are sister sites for other cities
- Kayak app, explore map and what places are affordable
- Hopper app, to monitor flights and the best time book
- The two airlines we try to book all flights on maximize points
-
- Southwest Airlines is our BFF
- American is a favorite too
- How we spend on time when we travel
- Food/restaurants dictate our schedule
- Strive to come back energized and ready to return home
-
- We kick off trips by asking for recommendations on Facebook
- We don’t pre-pick a lot of restaurants
- We love to wander around cities and explore neighborhood
- Relaxing! Especially at a spa
- Stay up to date on work
It’s turkey-time. The Thanksgiving holiday has us reflecting on 2018 and all that we are thankful for this year. We start off by saying what we are thankful for in each other and in our relationship. As we move on to other things, you’ll hear some more of our shared gratitudes. We believe that leaders must have an attitude of gratitude and we try to model that in this episode. Be sure to count your blessings this year! Music “Sunny” by Bensound.com.
What We Talked about in this Episode:
- What we are grateful for in our relationship
-
- Ashley is grateful for Billy constantly promoting and recognizing accomplishments aka being her Director of PR
- Billy is thankful for Ashley’s empathy and desire to understand others, it encourages Billy to do the same
- Ashley is thankful for Billy’s help and support with her sister’s upcoming wedding
- Billy is grateful for for Ashley calling him in his BS and balancing him out
- Ashley is grateful for Billy being a good spirit about her annoying habits, like forgetfulness
- Billy is thankful for Ashley working with him on his lack of intimacy
- Ashley is grateful for Billy always being a driver, and Billy is thankful for Ashley embracing it
-
- We would not have our podcast without Billy’s little push
- Other gratitudes
-
- Our parents, they truly are our best friends!
- Other family relationships improving
- Healthier eating habits thanks to doing the Whole30 diet
-
- Helped us knock some bad habits, and eat a little better
- Our travels, especially the FOUR trips we got to do this year with family
- Careers we love and are deeply passionate about
- Billy is ESPECIALLY thankful for the Philadelphia Eagles winning the Super Bowl
-
- Also, the maturity in our relationship that allowed Billy to go, and Ashley to stay home
- and immensely thankful to all of you, our listeners!!
We’re getting vulnerable as we discuss our struggles to see ourselves as the leaders as others see us. Billy first struggled with identity when he started his business and hired his dad (who he also shares a name with!). Ashley’s struggle with identity came when we first got married. We now embrace our roles as leaders in our community but have moments of weakness when Imposter Syndrome sneaks in. We share the ways we have overcome this and how we continue to step up/lean in as leaders. Music “Sunny” by Bensound.com.
What We Talked about in this Episode:
- How Ashley struggled with identity early in our relationship
-
- Ashley moved to Austin, TX for Billy and early on was being introduced or recognized by others as Billy’s significant other
- Billy didn’t always understand but encouraged her to get out and create her own identity
- Through new jobs, Ashley found more of her identity because they pushed her out in the Austin community
- Billy reflects on similar situations with struggling with identity
-
- When he started his business, he sold his dad to clients and hid behind him
- On the rare occasion they work with clients together now, Billy still defers to his dad despite both being seen as leadership experts
- Also, as the youngest of 4 siblings Billy often had to live up to great expectations from teachers
- The comparisons served as motivation to be his best unique self
- How Imposter Syndrome snuck in years later for Ashley
-
- Ashley struggled with accepting public recognition for her leadership in Austin
- It was hard to hear encouragement from her mom and Billy, but a colleague motivated her to think “if you aren’t recognizing yourself as a leader, what is the example you are setting for everyone else who looks up to you?”
- Billy’s turning point in his leadership journey
-
- At a young age, Billy was asked to put together a board of young professionals for a local university
- Now thinks back, and says “Ok, he believed in me, that means I can handle pretty much anything”
- How leaders need to continue to step up
-
- Embrace the leadership roles others put you in
- Recognize the voices that are missing from the conversation and invite them in
- As leaders, we need to build up other leaders
- Stop finding reasons to say no, and just say YES
To celebrate our 7th anniversary, we dig into the results of our love languages assessment. In the Gary Chapman book, The 5 Love Languages describes the ways people speak and understand emotional love. We talk through our top languages (and least prominent languages) and laugh through our discussion of examples we find in our relationship. Music “Sunny” by Bensound.com.
What We Talked about in this Episode:
- We wish each other a Happy Anniversary
-
- We’re celebrating seven years at the the release of this episode
- We dive into The 5 Love Languages
-
- Free assessment
- Gary Chapman book
- Billy’s top love language: Acts of Service
-
- He scored a 9 out of 12
- How Billy shows love this way
- Billy recognizes ways Ashley does this, that really appreciates
- Ashley’s top love language: Physical Touch
-
- She scored a 12 of 12, meanwhile Billy scored a 0
- Ways this is shown in our relationship
-
- our bedtime routine
- walking together
- “redoing” hugs and kisses
- What love language is both our #2
- Our 5th (and lowest) love language
In this episode of I Do, We Do, we interview our second duo, Heath and Alyssa Padgett. Heath and Alyssa are full-time RVers who have been living and working on the road for almost five years. We chat with them about how they work together and compliment each other with their different styles. We also hear about their travels and favorite spots. Music “Sunny” by Bensound.com.
About Heath and Alyssa Padgett:
Heath and Alyssa have been married since May of 2014. After graduating college and working in jobs that they weren’t too crazy about, Heath and Alyssa knew that they wanted to jumpstart their marriage and careers into something that they were more passionate about. Together, they wanted to establish a time to be more creative so that they could put their passion for writing and video to use. Four days after their marriage, they hit the road in an old RV, left their jobs, and have been in business with their own start-up at heathandalyssa.com interviewing travelers and hosting their annual RV Entrepreneur Summit for almost five years now. Not only do their travels include all fifty states of the U.S., but international places like New Zealand, Australia, French Polynesia, and Canada are included as well. Although they are currently residing in Texas, they’re still operating their successful start-up.
What We Talked about in this Episode:
- We asked Heath and Alyssa to share their similarities and differences and how their difference complement each other
-
- “We have a lot of the same interests”
-
- we love making videos
- we love writing
- we are very creative
- we both are very entrepreneurial
- “We have common values in what we want to pursue in life, what ‘work’ looks like, and what ‘meaning’ looks like, but I think how we carry out those values in our work/job is polar opposite”
-
- Heath is more the dreamer whereas Alyssa is more of the doer and the one in the details
-
- “she makes sure that everything we say we’re going to do gets carried out”
- “she’s very much like the organizer of our annual RV Entrepreneur Summit, but it was my idea to start the conference”
- “I think it’s been very helpful how we’re different, because it bleeds over areas where I know I’m not as good”
-
- “We have very different shopping habits”
-
- Heath always wants to buy and shop for all the nicest, shiniest, and finest things
- Because Alyssa is very frugal, she reminds Heath to be frugal
- We asked Heath and Alyssa to share their personality assessment results
-
- They shared their Enneagram results
-
- “Worst case scenario is that we could be workaholics, but we’re known to be a ‘power’ couple based on Enneagram results”
- They shared their StrengthsFinder results
-
- Heath’s strongest strength was Optimism
- Alyssa recalls her strongest strengths were Responsibility and Input
- They shared their Love Languages results
-
- Alyssa’s most dominant love language is Acts of Service
- Heath’s most dominant love language is Quality Time
- We share our Love Language results
-
- Ashley’s most dominant love language is Physical Touch followed by Quality Time
- Billy’s least dominate love language style is Physical Touch (he scored a 0)
- We asked Heath and Alyssa to share their story of what inspired them to start working together to build their business together
-
- Necessity
- They both like to spend time together and want to spend time together as much as possible
- We asked Heath and Alyssa to share their greatest collaboration story or when they feel they collaborate very well together
-
- They said when it comes to planning their annual RV Entrepreneur Summit that’s when they feel they really collaborate well
- We asked Heath and Alyssa what a typical day is like when they are together
-
- Heath Wakes up
- Heath brings Alyssa coffee
- “Heath is a big reader and journaler so we both start our day off reading”
- Alyssa likes to do yoga or go outside and maybe walk
- Usually 9:30 - 10 we’ll start our work day by putting on headphones and give each other space for our work
- We asked Heath and Alyssa what life in an RV is like and asked them to share the benefits of living in an RV
-
- Life has been different living in an RV throughout the years
-
- Year 1: “We were living life with constant adventure, spontaneousness, a lot of uncertainty” (since they took the risk of leaving their first jobs)
- Year 2: “Living in an RV is really cheap.”
-
- “We stayed in one place and started paying down debt and started growing our business”
- We asked them to share their travel recommendations
-
- Heath recommended New Zealand
- Alyssa stayed in the US and said Grand Teton National Park
In this episode of I Do, We Do, we are talking all things time management! Or really self-management because time is finite and can’t be managed. For us, and many millennials, there is no work/life balance - the lines between the two are blurred. We share the many ways we blur the lines and how we manage to stay organized. Music “Sunny” by Bensound.com.
What we talked about in this episode:
- Time management myth
-
- There is no such thing as time management
- Time is finite, so it is impossible to manage
- But we can manage ourselves
- Millennials and work/life balance
-
- Our generation (Millennials) are blurring the lines between the two
- Work life and personal life are intertwined
- How technology plays a (positive) role in this
- The different ways work and life are integrated for us
-
- Working from home
- Our podcast
- Ashley’s sister - at one point she was a sister, an employee, AND a roommate
- Our social life!
- Our travels
- How do we manage ourselves?
-
- Ashley utilizes:
-
- Her bullet journal helps keep everything organized in one place
- Time blocking creates more hours in the day by m
- Billy utilizes:
-
- A written planner, more recently the macbook stickies
- Together we use:
-
-
- We share our Google calendars
- Google Drive allows us to access documents from any computer, or mobile device
- Actual face to face communication
- We are going into further detail over on our blog
-
- Check out Our Morning Routines
In this episode of I Do, We Do, we go waaaay back! We talk about how our nickname, Bashley came to be. Then we chat about how we each made our first dollar. Spoiler alert… We made our first buck in way different ways. Ashley babysat and Billy was a professional speaker (at 7!). We discuss the rest of the jobs we each have had over our lives and get all the way to the present. We also share some lessons learned from all those jobs. Music “Sunny” by Bensound.com.
What We Talked About in this Episode:
- We each share how we made our first dollar, essentially what our first jobs were.
-
- Billy was actually a professional speaker. He made his first speech at 7 and made $20. He then spoke throughout his entire childhood well into college earning money for most of those speeches. He learned a ton from this experience.
- Ashley started babysitting at 12 and continued into college. This is how she made the most money before getting her first jobs out of college. She learn a lot of teaching through this experience and it confirmed her passion for youth and education.
Ashley’s Job History
- Babysitting - Age 12-23
- A brief 2 week stint in retail in high school - listen to the episode in for this story!
- Four internships in college including one with TCU Athletics working in media and marketing. The others we in non-profits which helped groom her for her career.
- First job out of college was at Big Brothers Big Sisters as a Programs and Events Specialist. This was as an Americorps Vista and it was a 12 month commitment.
- She moved to Austin after this position ended for Billy and her official career in education began.
- She worked in Admissions at Concordia University Texas.
- She then moved on to Fundraising and Development at San Juan Diego Catholic High School.
- She wrapped up her MBA and switched jobs again staying in Development this time at the Hispanic Scholarship Consortium (her current employer).
- She was then named Executive Director and still holds that role.
Billy’s Job History
- Professional Speaker - Age 7 to present
- Target - Age 17 (seasonal position) - He learned about collaboration and also became quite frustrated in this brief role.
- Meals on Wheels - Age 18-19 - He worked as an Assessor going into the homes of elderly making sure they were still eligible for meals. He created a simpler system that allowed him to spend less time on paperwork and more time with people. His mom worked at Meals on Wheels for 20+ years. This role continued to build his heart for service.
- Student Worker - Age 19-20 - He did admin work in the School of Humanities at St. Edward’s University. He shared an interesting story about how this position ended.
- Assistant Publicist - Age 21 - Worked for a book publicity company and learned how to promote authors. This helped him with his own books. He also booked an interview with the New York Times for an author which no other intern ever really did.
- Home Depot - Age 20-21 - Worked as a Cashier and won Cashier of the Month. Learn a lot about how many people did not take work seriously. Turned down a promotion.
- Promotions Associate for promotions company working with brands like Starbucks - Age 21
- Marketing Manager - Age 21 - Managed marketing and publicity for new author and for a leadership development company.
- At 21 in his last semester of college he started SOS Leadership, his current company and they have been going strong ever since. The continue to evolve and recently celebrated their 10 year anniversary. SOS helps companies get better results through people.
In this episode of I Do, We Do, we each share and discuss 10 new dreams and work them out together in order to add to our official combined Dream List. In a previous episode we discussed goal setting and how dreaming is the first step, but many have reached out to us with issues coming up with dreams. Hopefully hearing us go through this process will show you just how simple it is.
Music “Sunny” by Bensound.com.
What We Talked About in this Episode:
- We each share and discuss our 10 dreams
Ashley’s Dream List
- See the Northern lights
- Take a trip with both sets of parents... and pick up the tab
- Take an immersion trip into a cultural trip (like SBE)
- Learn Spanish
- Make a large philanthropic gift somewhere
- Own property = (i.e. owning a building downtown, a chunk of land, etc.)
- Have an impact on education policy; provide a lot of testimony like policy change locally, at the state, or national level
- Speak to a large group of people (thousands)
- Make a career change for the challenge
- Host an international exchange student
Billy’s Dream List
- Live in Center City Philadelphia
- Go to the Kentucky Derby
- Live in another country
- Write a novel (wrote 4 business leadership related books)
- Star in a musical
- Own a Philly sports team
- Make a 6 figure donation
- Play a basketball game in the Palestra arena in Philadelphia
- Have a beer with Chase Utley
- Run for political office
- “We talk a lot about our problems, we complain a lot about our problems, but rarely will people step up and do something to put a stop that problem.’
Added to Combined Dream List
- Take a vacation with both sets parents... and pick up the tab
- Spend a significant amount of time in another country to culturally immerse ourselves
- See the northern lights
- Go to Kentucky Derby
- Learn Spanish
- Speak to a large crowd together → turn into a goal
- Make a 6 figure gift
- House an international student
“Have an open-mind. Be excited for your partner’s dreams. Push them. It’s okay to question them a little bit, but don’t tear them down right away.”
Ashley is motivated by Will Smith’s recent YouTube video, because he preaches the importance of how you should do things that scare you so that you’ll grow
“If you can be disciplined and write down everything you truly want to do and discuss it with your partner, it leads to a lot of “ah-hah” moments.”
“It’s not about whether you need more of in life, because you should be happy with who you are and where you are. This is about whether or not you want something more and if you want more then you really are searching for growth.”
In this episode of I Do, We Do, we discuss lifelong learning. Learning didn’t stop for us when we walked across the stage for our high school diplomas, bachelor’s degree, or master’s degree. Learning is a key value of ours as a couple. To grow together, we constantly challenge ourselves, to grow more, and to learn more. It takes an investment in time and financial resources. In this episode, we discuss our favorite ways to learn including conferences, seminars, books, podcast, blogs, coaches, mentors, and self-reflection.
Music “Sunny” by Bensound.com.
What We Talked About in this Episode:
- We discuss our shared value for lifelong learning
-
- Learning doesn't end with formal education (like school)
- Lifelong learning can look like:
-
- formal education
- courses, conferences, seminars
- books, podcasts, blogs
- coaches, mentors, self-reflection
- Billy’s best learning has come from the things he has chosen to learn, not from things he was told he needed to learn
- We discuss how you can learn from books
-
- Every year, Billy sets a goal to read a book a week (only achieves some years)
- Billy believes in reading things that make you more of an expert, for him that is leadership development books
- Billy repeats some books because “repetition is the motor of learning”
- Some of those books are
-
- As a Man Thinketh, James Allen
- Five Dysfunctions of a Team, Patrick Lencioni
- Mindset, Carol Dweck
- We discuss how you can learn from other people
-
- “You’ll be successful because of the books your read and the people you meet.”
- Billy’s greatest mentor and coach has been his Dad
- You can learn about people through observations
- Billy has learned a lot through Ashley as well, in particular, empathy
- We’re better together because we teach other how to be better through the things we are individually passionate about
- We discuss our experiences learning through conferences & trainings
-
- In our most recent trip to Boston, we were in a training for facilitators of the New Politics Answering the Call
-
- We learned new thoughts on facilitating
- We are excited to learn more through the participants
- Billy recently attending the National Speakers Association Conference
-
- Billy learned best practices from other speakers
- Billy was inspired by the other 2,000 attendees
- Ashley is attending a conference this week
-
- Ashley walks away with entire notebooks of notes
- Ashley learns from the presenters, and alongside the other attendees
- and Ashley is excited to present this year!
- We discuss how learning is a commitment
-
- Every organization should invest in their people, because that is how the organization grows
- If your organization isn’t investing you, that doesn't mean you cannot invest in yourself
- you should always be investing in yourself
- It is the only invest in your life that you are guaranteed a return
- Ashley earned her MBA as an employee of the school, but continued to make the financial investment when she changed jobs even without her employer’s support
- We discuss how Ashley chooses to learn through podcasts
-
- Ashley plays podcast at her office nearly all day
- Ashley has learned alot from Jenna Kutcher’s Goal Digger podcast
- It’s a great way to get more intimate with the content
- Can learn in a more passive way to learn than reading
- You can learn from people who may never be able to meet
- and it is affordable!!
- We discuss how you can learn through reflection
-
- Reflection is taking the time to think back on past experiences and past activities
- If you didn’t learn in the moment, you can
- Ashley uses her bullet journal for reflection
- Journal prompts can be immensely helpful for guiding this
- Billy encourages clients to ask:
-
- What is right in my life?
- What is wrong in my life?
- What is missing in my life
- Reflection needs to be done in a quiet time
- We discuss our favorite ways to learn
-
- For Ashley it is conferences, podcasts, and reflection
- For Billy it is conferences, coaching, and books
In this episode of I Do, We Do, we discuss our Enneagram personality types. We aren’t too familiar with this test, but so many people have been asking us what our Enneagram types are so we thought we would give it a try. We have different Enneagram types. Shocking, right? In this episode, we each share the strengths and weaknesses that our types bring to the table. We reflect and evaluate how accurate/inaccurate the characteristics of our types are and we get a little vulnerable. Our types complement each other and confirm that we really are better together.
Music “Sunny” by Bensound.com.
What We Talked About in this Episode:
We each discuss the general strengths and weaknesses of our Enneagram Types
-
Billy is a Type 8 (The Challenger)
- “the powerful, dominating type: self-confident, decisive, willful and confrontational”
- strong, assertive, resourceful, independent, determined, action-oriented, pragmatic, competitive, straight-talking, shrewd, and insistent
- 8s love to challenge norms and people
- 8s take on big challenges to see if they can pull off the impossible or turn a hopeless cause into a great success. 8s believe that they can fix everything
- “People cannot be fixed. You don’t fix people. You can fix dogs.”
- can be too controlling
-
Ashley is a Type 2 (The Helper)
- “the caring, interpersonal type: generous, demonstrative, people-pleasing, and possessive”
- Types 2s exemplify the desire to feel loved, to connect with others in a heartfelt way, and to be a source of benevolence and love in our world
- Types 2s are the easily the most people-oriented of the enneagram
- Type 2s want to share the good in their lives and genuinely enjoy supporting others through the attention and care
- 2s can be clingy, worrisome, insincere, and possessive
- 2s can get into denial about the extent of their own needs while insisting that their only concern is taking care of others
- 2s tend to take care of others too much that they can sometimes forget to take care of themselves mentally, physically, and emotionally
- 2s want to have a unique place in others lives and know privileged information about others that no one else know. 2s want to be regarded as others’ best friends
-
We each share and discuss our “hidden side” of our enneagram types
-
- Types 8s are “affected by the reactions that those closest to them far more than what they want to lead on. They often expect that others will dislike or reject them and so they are profoundly touched sentimentally when they feel like someone they care about truly understands them and loves them.”
- Types 2s appear to feel at ease with others and to be a source of emotional sustenance for the people in their lives, but they themselves also suffer from well hidden feelings of rejection. 2s want or expect a thank you in return when supporting or helping others
-
We talk about how the type 8 and type 2 work together in a relationship
- Billy likes to get results through people and Ashley likes to get results with people
-
- we both are action-oriented
- we both want a personal impact on our environment
- we both like results, but we like seeing it in different ways
- 8s often bask in the glow of 2s affection and 2s truly enjoy 8s strengths and efforts
-
We discuss the trouble spots that our enneagram types bring in a relationship
-
- Billy mentions that 8s “act out difficult psychological issues, rages, binges, and/or performs acts of revenge”
- Ashley mentions that 2s can be “hovering around and not giving the other adequate space.” 2s expect their partner to do a lot of mind-reading for whenever they feel upset rather than just explicitly tell their partner that they are upset
-
Enneagram: to work with your significant other or to learn how to better communicate with each other
- DISC: to help know the people you’ll work with on a team in a business setting
- Myers-Briggs: for personality assessment
In this episode of I Do, We Do, we dig into the important topic of networking. We have networked our way to success in our careers and we share more about how, why and where we network. We have different networking styles and we discuss how we use those styles to our advantage, including tips for introverts and extroverts. We have learned that we are more successful when we work together in networking, as always we are better together.
Music “Sunny” by Bensound.com.
What We Talked About in this Episode:
- We share a great 5 star review from a listener: “If you are wanting some advice on how to work with someone who’s the complete opposite of you-whether it be in a relationship, a working relationship, a group project, ect.--- then this is the podcast for you, because Billy and Ashley share how they work together everyday despite their difference in terms of personality, lifestyle, jobs, and the fact that they share one car.”
- Networking is not just about self-promotion even though we joked about that. It is about connecting with people
- When we network together, we often divide and conquer
-
- A recent example is when at an event Billy was talking to someone and Ashley to someone else and Billy knew the person he was talking to needed to meet Ashley so he made the connection
- We use our different styles to our advantage when networking together
- Billy shared his rules on successful networking as an introvert
-
- Get there early, look for open conversations, sit down, have a plan
- Invite people to coffee, where you excel better one on one
- Less is more
- Getting to events early is one area where we disagree and sometimes have conflict
-
- Billy needs to get places early and Ashley doesn’t always place a high value on it
- Communication, patience and acceptance is key here
- Ashley shares some thoughts on networking from an extrovert
-
- Slow down - She often tries to do too much, to talk to too many people - she gets too excited!
- Remind yourself to listen - If you are dominating conversations you are not networking successfully
- Ask questions - Allow people to talk about themselves by asking them questions
- Where we network - Finding like-minded people is key, but you also should challenge yourself
-
- Alumni groups - TCU Alumni for Ashley, St. Edward’s Alumni for Billy - this is an easy place to network with like minded people
- Professional associations - There are associations for everything!
- Chambers - Billy and Ashley are both a part of the Austin Young Chamber
- Ubers!!
- Everywhere
- Use technology for follow-up not to network
- Networking has helped us build successful careers and become active in the community
-
- Billy built his entire business through networking
- We have both gotten business, sponsors and community involvement opportunities from networking
- We love building relationships with people and we love it even more when we are doing it together. We are better together!
-
- Remember that connection is key and networking is not about you, it’s about helping other people accomplish their goals!
In this episode of I Do, We Do, we share three celebrity powerhouse teams of two who we admire. Two of the three duos we profile show our differences and the other is one we both totally agree on. These three couples can definitely be considered power couples in the old definition, but we believe they fall into the label we prefer, powerhouse teams of two.
Music “Sunny” by Bensound.com.
What We Talked About in this Episode:
- In our last episode, we redefined the phrase Power Couple and shared the phrase we prefer Powerhouse Team of Two
-
- The ultimate team of two is Michelle and Barack Obama
- But we save talking about them in detail for a future episode
- Ashley shares the first celebrity couple we admire, The Carters - Beyonce and Jay Z
-
- They are a great example of the original definition of a Power Couple as they are both independently successful
- They have chosen to live their lives together and are proving to be even better together
- They have worked through challenges
- We believe they have similar styles and/or personalities
- Billy shares the next duo - Julie and Zach Ertz
-
- Julie Ertz is a professional soccer player and Zach plays football of the Philadelphia Eagles
- They met in college and are both successful independent from each other but they are coming together more and more
- Julie had a moment go viral when she found out Zach was going to the Super Bowl after her own soccer match - This was the ultimate sign of support
- Supporting each other is so important in a relationship, you cannot collaborate without first support the other person
- Billy picks athletes and Ashley picks musicians - this is a big difference for them
- The last couple we chat about is one we totally agree on - Chip and Joanna Gaines
-
- Billy grew up in Waco and has seen how Chip and Joanna have transformed the city - People now are visiting Waco and moving to Waco
- Chip and Joanna are like peanut butter and jelly - They seem to be opposites like us who fill in each other’s gaps
-
- Chip is a dreamer, Joanna is more detailed
- Joanna is creative and Chip makes her creations a reality
- They bring out the best in each other
In this episode of I Do, We Do, we try to redefine the phrase “Power Couples.” This has been used in the past by others to describe us, but we aren’t that comfortable with the label. We are trying to redefine Power Couples because we aren’t in love with the word “power” and we don’t like that people too often consider them perfect relationships. We chat about how we have worked to become a Powerhouse Team of Two who embraces our differences to be better together.
Music “Sunny” by Bensound.com.
What We Talked About in this Episode:
- People have referred to us as a Power Couple in the past, but we don’t love the label
- Michelle and Barack Obama are the ultimate Power Couple
-
- Power seems like a word for a dictator or for Frank Underwood on House of Cards
- Celebrities are more often considered Power Couples and sometimes it refers to a perfect relationship which is something we don’t like
- It’s truest definition is - a couple consisting of two people who are each successful
- We started to embrace the label a bit when a friend reminded us of the positive influence that could come from the label
- We prefer Powerhouse Team of Two
- As a Team of Two, Billy handle the details, Ashley sometimes handles the fun…Billy helps Ashley tighten up, Ashley helps Billy lighten up
- Doesn’t have to be a romantic relationship - Billy teaches his clients about how to become an effective Team of Two
- In a Team of Two 1+1 no longer equals 2, it equals 3 - It creates a multiplier
- Diversity is so important in our world today, success comes when you have DIFFERENT people working together - All of the SAME people working together leads to poor results and not much fun
-
- This is a phrase we have coined because although we are each successful independent of each other, we are way better together
- We choose to come together on projects and we are able to get amazing results
- A Team of Two is two different people coming together to achieve more
- A few things we do to be a Powerhouse Team of Two - “Our house is a whole lot more powerful with the two of us in it"
-
- We do goals check-ins often to ensure we are working towards what we want to achieve together - “You should really try to have goals check-ins with your partner…whether it’s your married partner or your partner at work, or whoever it is, how often are you checking in on the goals that you have?”
- We constantly communicate with each to ensure we are not off track, to brainstorm ideas and most importantly to problem solve
- We fully support each other and embrace each others individualism
- In our next episode, we will look at some of our favorite Powerhouse Teams of Two
In this episode of I Do, We Do, we talk about one of our favorite subjects… Goal Setting. We share why we set goals and how. We believe setting goals together ensures that we are always growing together rather than apart. Billy has a long history with goal setting. Ashley drank the kool-aid and together we consider setting and achieving goals one of our greatest and most important collabs.
Download a free goal setting lesson for partners at BashleyMoyer.com/goals.
Music “Sunny” by Bensound.com.
What We Talked About in this Episode:
- Billy went through his first goal setting program when he was just four-years-old
-
- He has continued learning about goal setting and teaching others about the subject ever since
- Paul J. Meyer, the founder of the personal development industry said, “If you are not making the progress you would like to make and are capable of making, it is simply because your goals are not clearly defined.”
- Goals bring out the best in us.
- Ashley shares the story of Billy asking her about her goals and sharing his goals when they first met
-
- Some companions from Billy’s past were turned off by this, but Ashley was intrigued and of course stuck around to learn more
- Ashley shares more about her own personal thoughts on goal setting and how they have changed with Billy
- Ashley is go with the flow, Billy is the planner
-
- But we both enjoy setting goals.
- The goal setting process begins with a Dream List
-
- This is how we got started goal setting together and they continue adding to their list every year.
- A Dream List is exactly what it sounds like. Some call it a bucket list. This is simply all the things you want to do in your life together.
-
Next comes creating a short list of goals - no more than 10
-
- We do this every year as well.
- We start by setting individual goals and then coming together for a date night to share the goals and work on our combined list.
- Through this process especially, it is important that we fully support one another.
-
- There are no stupid goals. This should be a real discussion.
- What do we really want to accomplish together over the next year? What are the benefits of the goal? What obstacles stand in our way? What steps need to be taken to achieve it?
- Set challenging goals together that are realistic
-
- There are no unrealistic goals just some really bad target dates.
- Goal setting is supposed to be uncomfortable.
- Goal setting begins with an awareness of where you are right now and a desire to change your future together
- Goals are a prelude to action, they are a course to take; they are an expression of your strengths; they are an exercise of your desire for becoming better together
- Growing together is a choice all partners must make
-
- Growing apart is an excuse.
In this episode of I Do, We Do, we share our Whole30 diet story. We describe what our eating habits were before starting the Whole30 diet, what motivated us to start Whole30 together, and how we made Whole30 work for us.
Learn more about us at BashleyMoyer.com.
Music "Sunny" from Bensound.com.
What We Talked About in this Episode:
- Billy gives an overview of what his general eating habits were prior to Whole30
-
- Usually no breakfast
-
- If has breakfast → Snickers, Red Bull, sometimes a honeybun in replacement of Snickers
- Rarely eats lunch, tends to be fast food if he does
-
Ashley gives an overview of here eating habits
-
- Always ended up getting UberEats rather than eating the lunches she makes
- Grabbing something quick and on the go, because of “convenience”
-
- Poptarts
- Bagels
- One of us would come home late from an event and would bring home whatever was from the event or pick up fast food rather than go out to eat or cook from home
- “Our eating habits is one of the ways we are not better together”
-
July 2nd, 2018: Billy went to the doctor and had a high cholesterol report
-
“You do things for two reasons: to gain a benefit or avoid a loss”
-
- Originally, Billy didn’t think there was a benefit that needed to be gained or a loss that needed to be avoided regarding his eating habits until he went to the doctor
- Billy loves fruits and vegetables, but didn’t eat them a lot before Whole30
- While on Whole30, Billy started eating foods such as hard boiled eggs and a fruit smoothie for breakfast
-
- As a result, he feels much better and longer throughout the day than when he eats Snickers, Red Bull, and/or honeybun for breakfast
-
We didn’t follow the the Whole30 diet book; instead, we networked with friends and followed certain Instagram accounts for motivation
- “We were leaning too much on excuses for our poor eating habits”
- “We learned why our poor eating habits formed”
-
- we don’t like leftovers
- we don’t like knowing what we have to eat the next day
-
RESULTS:
-
- Lost 20lbs
- We saved $500 while on Whole30 diet
- Billy’s relationship with sodas are done
- Billy drinks as many sparkling waters a day as he did sodas
- Continuing Whole30
In this episode of I Do, We Do, we interview our very first duo, Bill and Rose Moyer. They are one of the duo’s we admire most and they happen to be Billy’s parents. We chat with them about their different careers, interests and styles and how they have been better together for 40 years! We also discuss the important of growing together rather than growing apart.
About Bill and Rose Moyer:
Bill and Rose have been married for 40 years. They have four grown kids and eight grandkids. They have always had different careers and interests, but they have made the choice to grow together. Bill works with Billy in SOS Leadership, that they founded together. He has written four books and is one of the top leadership minds in the world. Rose has dedicated her life to social work, mostly serving the elderly. She spent 20 plus years working at Meals on Wheels.
What We Discussed in this Interview:
- Since we’re about to hit our seven year anniversary, we had Bill and Rose reflect on where they were at their seven year anniversary
- We asked if they consider themselves a couple that’s very different from each other or if they’re more like two peas in a pod
-
- In response, Bill and Rose claim that at first, early in their relationship, they were opposites in terms of personality, behavior, and styles based on the DISC Assessment.
- Now, they are two peas in a pod that finish each other’s sentences.
- We asked them how they built their relationship from being complete opposites to now being two peas in a pod
-
- “Through the years, you get to the point where you just want to be together and so you kind of figure out that by being together sometimes you may do things you may not want to do and sometimes you may try something new and you may think ‘Oh my gosh! That’s really good. I want to keep on doing that.’”
- We asked them to provide some examples of things that they use to not be crazy about that the other was crazy about in the early years of their marriage and are now crazy about because of the other
-
- Rose did not care about sports at all in the beginning years, now she loves sports.
- Bill use to not be crazy about symphonies, quiet walks, theater, etc and now enjoys all of those things.
- We how they collaborate with each other within and outside of their careers
-
- They support each other in the work they do.
- They also have worked closely together outside of their careers when they collaborated as youth ministers at their church. This was something they were both passionate about and that they made the decision to do together even though it was like a second job. They loved it!
-
We asked them to describe their process of how they make crucial decisions together
-
- “We use the Ben Franklin method,” Bill said. “Where you draw the a line in the middle of a piece of paper and list the pros and cons and talk it out through there; even though one side may be bigger than the other, sometimes things are weighted in a different way, so we look at the importance of that.”
- They consider logic more so than emotion when it comes to decision-making.
- “We’re always going to have different ideas, opinions, desires, but it all comes down to why we exist and what our purpose is, and how can we walk that journey together to work it out.”
- We discussed how Bill and Rose choose to grow together rather than grow apart
-
- “If you don’t pay attention to where you are going together, it’s so easy that when you go one degree off and go too far down the road to where you and your partner can have “irreconcilable differences,” which leads to a split.
- They want to resolve and work through their differences no matter how many differences they may have with each other.
Music "Sunny" from Bensound.com. Learn more about Billy and Ashley at BashleyMoyer.com.
In this episode of I Do, We Do, we discuss how competition negatively impacts relationships. Billy is very competitive, Ashley is not. That has led to conflict in the past when playing games against each other. We have come to realize that competition and scorekeeping really kill relationships because instead of I Do, We Do it becomes I Did, You Didn’t. Instead of For Better or Worse it is “I’m better, you’re worse.”
Check us out at BashleyMoyer.com/podcast.
WHAT WE TALKED ABOUT IN THIS EPISODE:
- We discussed that the easiest way we see competition in our relationship is in different games that we play
- We mentioned how Ashley is a big believer in that “you play games to have fun” whereas Billy believes that you play games for the one and only reason, which is to win
- We discussed that “the number one killer in a team/relationship is competition”
-
- You need to oppose the idea/situation where it could involve teammate vs. teammate, husband vs. wife, or partner vs. partner, because you want to go into the mindset that the team needs to win, not one person over the other
- eventually someone loses in a competition (which could increase tension within the relationship)
- We discussed how keeping score is a killer as well
-
- Ashley discussed how growing up, her and her sister had to evenly split up the house chores/duties. It wasn’t fair if Ashley cooked dinner and then had to wash the dishes the same night. It wasn’t fair if Ashley did two chores and her sister did zero.
- Billy talked about how he learn early on from his Dad about the danger of keeping score in relationships, even though he loves keeping score in all other competitions.
- We discussed how keeping score can also happen with accomplishments, but really in a partnership there are not individual accomplishments. It all is about us.
-
- “One person’s win, success, and/or accomplishment is the other’s as well in a relationship.”
-
- One employee’s success in a business indicates that the business is successful too
- “You shouldn’t compare yourself to anyone”
- We discussed how compromise is key
-
- “If compromise is difficult for you in a relationship regardless, maybe there’s a little too much competition there.”
Music "Sunny" from Bensound.com.
We are busy bodies. We are always going somewhere or doing something. We have different jobs usually in different locations. How do we manage to share one car? In this episode of I Do, We Do, we discuss why we decided to share one car as a busy couple that likes to move and transport from place-to-place a lot, why we continue to share one car, and how we make it work.
WHAT WE TALKED ABOUT IN THIS EPISODE:
- We discuss how we manage sharing one car
-
- We have flexible jobs that enable us to share one car and lets us choose where their offices can be
- Sharing one car allows us to spend extra time together
- We use effective communication and planning with each other throughout the day since we both have each other’s calendars on hand
-
We discuss the challenges that we face sharing one car
-
- One of us rear-ended someone earlier this year and we planned to drive to Dallas the following morning for a flight
- There was a time when one wasn’t ready for wherever she needed to be
-
We discussed the pros of having one car
-
- Protecting the environment
- Forces communication
- Costs
-
We discussed the cons of having one car:
-
- Emergencies
- More time together (can be a con for people that don’t like spending time together, not us though!)
- limited alone time
WHAT WE USE TO MAKE SHARING ONE CAR POSSIBLE:
- Google Calendar
- Car2Go
- Uber and Lyft
- Capital Metro Rail in Austin
- Carvana - Bought a car through them
Music "Sunny" by Bensound.com
In this episode of I Do, We Do, we discuss our different styles using the DISC Assessment. We discuss how our differences make us stronger as a couple and make it easier to work together and be successful when we work together. The DISC Assessment measures an individual’s work style. It looks at how you act, how you get results, how you communicate, etc.
WHAT WE TALKED ABOUT IN THIS EPISODE:
- D – Dominant, I – Influencing, S - Steadiness, C – Compliance
- We go through the first couple of pages of our DISC reports and exchange which information was spot-on accurate about each other and elaborate by providing specific examples
- We look at the ways we should communicate with each other (i.e. Ashley likes to talk for social purposes, whereas Billy likes to “stick to business—let him decide if he wants to talk socially.”)
- “I think we both feel anger equally, but I think we express it in different ways.” (i.e. raising your voice, or cry privately to self)
- Discussed ways NOT to communicate with each other
- Billy doesn’t like being told what to do
- We talk a lot about how the DISC Assessment kind of highlights our differences when looking at each other’s styles
- “Opposites don’t attract, but they complete each other”
- “Conflict arises when values and motivators (how or what motivates an individual) differ between two people”
- “We use our differences to be effective and better together.”
Music "Sunny" from Bensound.com
Welcome to the I Do, We Do podcast! We are Billy Moyer and Ashley Alaniz-Moyer from Austin, Texas. We have been waiting for months to finally launch this podcast. In this podcast, we chat about our relationship, careers, challenges, and how our many differences complement each other and make us better together. We believe that together, we can always achieve more. When we each say “I do,” we really mean “we do.”
WHAT We TALKED ABOUT IN THIS EPISODE:
- We talk about who we are (what we do, where we're from, where we grew up, what we do for a living, where we went to college, etc.)
- We talk about how although we have different careers, we find ways to work together all the time
- “Ashley has opened up my eyes to a lot of things such as equity, education, or things that he may have not understood before such as being a white male of privilege, which made me more aware of the inequities out there.”
- We share how they may have different personalities, but we get excited about the same things
-
- Billy likes to think in logic whereas Ashley tends to be a little more in tuned with emotions and feelings
- Billy is an introvert and Ashley is an extrovert; We define and clarify what an introvert/extrovert is
- Opposites complete each other
- “The fact that you are different means that you need to work to get along, because you can do amazing things together.”
WHAT WILL BE DISCUSSED IN FUTURE EPISODES:
- Challenges that we face as a couple and how we come together to overcome those challenges
- Other powerful Teams of Two will be interviewed in some episodes
- DISC behavior assessment
The I Do, We Do Podcast with Billy and Ashley Moyer is coming soon! Stay tuned for new weekly episodes. Connect with Bashley on Twitter and Instagram at @BashleyMoyer.
Learn more about them at BillyandAshley.com.
Music: "Sunny" from Bensound.com.