Kagro in the Morning: Recent Episodes
David Waldman
David Waldman and Greg Dworkin return from a chaos weekend that was a little quieter now that Donald K. Trump is getting his pants steamed regularly. Not to say things are "better"… or even "good", it's just that the wall of reality might be rising too high for Trump and Gops to toss feces over. The US lost Trump's war with Iran and also Iran won their war with Trump. Sadly, this happened because Democrats did not clap hard enough. Iran might allow us to retreat, if we retreat from the Strait of Hormuz, yet thousands of sailors and Marines are still stranded on the USS Lincoln. Israel wants no advice from Trump on how they should lose in Gaza. The cost of living, job losses, immigration crackdowns, and data centers will be a big deal for the midterms, but candidate style matters, too. Maine Dem Troy Jackson points out the obvious about Susan Collins, so that even Democrats dumb enough to vote for her can understand. Reality just might catch up to somebody on the reflecting pool fiasco. Jeanine Pirro? Doug Burgum? Nah, and definitely never Trump. Sunlight is the best disinfectant and might have finally removed Andy Ogles. Donald definitely has a type, and Stephen Miller will have Will Scharf competing with him for attention in the Oval Office. Gop election denier Mike Rogers somehow finds nothing objectionable about his primary win yet is predicted to be quite skeptical about Abdul El-Sayed's future progress. Boom! Emptywheel embraces the low-attention span types that she famously eschews in order to describe how the DOJ invoking Trump v. US to protect Todd Blanche's fixer, Aakash Singh.
David Waldman eruditely dumps the Friday KITM at our doorstep. They're takin yer jerbs! Ballrooms, arches, Iran, and ICE will not be making America great again. Not having a job makes buying groceries tougher. The bros over at DOGE wouldn't know that, as they just moved out of their parent's basement, and have no need for real life. 200,000 jobs in Mexico are at stake as the US suspends avocado inspections. The Trump Administration repeatedly admitted in Court to withholding money from Blue States. Yeah, sure, what are you going to do about it? Surrender is close at hand in Donald K. Trump's Iran war as his stockpile of dupes dries up. Iran could take the war to the US water supply, but who cares about that? Russia was hoping to attack NATO after the Ukraine war, but it's just taking forever. Max Miller is putting $1 million of his own money into his campaign. The only election news better than that is that the usually awful voters of Tennessee voted out their unusually awful Congressman Andy Ogles. I bet this is the worst timeline. You can now bet on arson, and childhood cancer.
David Waldman brings us to Thursday, by more or less being at the right place at the right time. The Senate has been busy, finalizing a stopgap funding bill to move the shutdown to hopefully a different Senate. They also launched an entire network of fake news and have only begun to hassle Dr. Anthony S. (Science!) Fauci. Greg Dworkin rolled up his sleeve and reached deep into a slimy cyclosporiatic orifice of ex-Twitter and pulled out some fresh polls for you. They're oh so tasty and probably won't make you sick later. Also, some Poindexter is suddenly ahead of Max Miller in Ohio, which is good, as Miller sucks. Remember, vote BLUE no matter… who now? Abdul El-Sayed? Abdulrahman Mohamed El-Sayed? Well… good thing we live in a post-racial... we don't? Oh well, that name thing sure worked against Amir Hassan, who was backed by Donald Woke Trump. Today, the words "El-Sayed" pleasantly roll off the tongue of lots of happy Democrats, and many disgruntled ones too… who all need to pull it together now to make this happen. Will he win? El-Sayed is pulling his weight, let's see his support. What's in a name? Ask Elaine Luria. No, Elise Stefanik… No, Elissa Slotkin. She's the young up and coming… down and going establishment Dem, right? Now Ronald Lauder. That name used to mean something. But now that he's no longer writing it on checks, who cares? Sean Duffy, like his boss, understands that in the media production biz, getting and spending money is the best part of the creative process. Releasing a product only invites criticism, and who needs that? A few months back, Border Patrol stormtroopers shooting their laser guns into the air were able to hit a kid's party balloon yet were able to rack up more fatalities jamming the GPS of a medevac aircraft. More recently, Marine One lifted off without proper permission but luckily did not need to shoot down any passenger jets in order to do so.
David Waldman and Greg Dworkin team up to fight the forces of injustice, chaos, and general stupidity. Has Jeanine Pirro been sent to the bottom of the Donald K. Trump Kafka Khaki reflecting pool yet? Jeanine might have bought herself some time by literally carting over evidence to force the old man to look at before it's shipped to some undisclosed bathroom. Democratic voters are tired of focus-group establishment Dems, and moderate Dems are already tired of crazy progressives. And yet, temporarily arrayed, they could be quite powerful heading into the midterms. Of course, they are blessed with Trump. His usefulness as an idiot is waning with even the Gops, and you don't need to tell independents twice to stampede in a new direction. In Michigan, Abdul El-Sayed outperformed his name, and the establishment, to win his primary. Trump's candidate lost to a guy that stopped campaigning weeks ago. Missouri usually isn't too big on Democrats, but they still prefer democracy. The Kansas Supreme Court would look nice in DC. Texas also embraces voting and rejects phony voter fraud voting suppression. Not that election denialists are going anywhere soon. In fact, some are completely refusing to leave. Republicans are beginning to think that God is rigged against them. Climate has changed to the degree that the Danube River has receded back to the time when wooly mammoths and Nazi soldiers roamed the earth, leaving live ordnance in their wake. Donald was sad to hear kindred soul Max Miller must bear such vicious accusations, but such is the burden great men carry.
More primaries! David Waldman weaves a new KITM ahead of post-primary Wednesday. What's the worst thing Trump can do in the midterms? Well, if Mike Pence has the courage… Why did 50-60,000 refugees attempt to cross into Spanish-held Ceuta all at once? Were they a fake migrant caravan weaponized flashmob manipulated by the far-right? It's uncertain, but MAGA's taking notes, and probably wishes ICE left enough Haitians in Springfield to try it. When some aim high, a Texas Gop candidate aims low.
David Waldman and Greg Dworkin take on a new day, week, month, and the same old chaos. Donald K. Trump won his 43rd club championship at one of his courses. It's called TALENT, and money. You know Donald. Always bullshitting. You know he is, he knows he is. Leave it there, you're cool, but call Trump on it and you have a fight. Because, admitting he's wrong just isn't part of the game… and not playing along can lose you a job, send you to prison, or worse. Capital One was playing along, but Trump wouldn't walk away, could not shut up, and Capital One quit playing. It made absolutely no difference if Todd Blanche formally rescinded Trump's J6 slush fund, which is why Blanche did it. Gops are playing along with that, but Trump doesn't play along with anybody's bullshit but his own. Dems are strongly favored to take the House, and maybe the Senate. Abdul El-Sayed's name might not be enough to keep voters from scratching in the bubble next to it. Low-turnout voters might not turn out. Indecisive Democrats aren't sure what to do. Gop staff is filling up with young Groypers. The Evangelical Church is filled people who are Christian as an afterthought.
You say "Friday news dump" like it's a bad thing? Not when it's David Waldman and KITM! When Donald K. Trump isn't grifting money, extorting money or panhandling for money, he's stiffing people for money. You can't buy that sort of focused dedication. Todd Blanche could be attorney general today if he'd only pinky promise to never ever implement Trump's $1.8 billion slush fund/slop trough for fellow right-wing swine. At least the slush fund pretended to be a cap. AI companies are the central pillar of the economy, but they are trying to hide a staggering amount of debt. So, when one of their super-genius wunderbros dropped his $45 billion into the toilet, his toilet got immediately bailed out by his AI billionaire brethren. Bailing out their Titanic one stateroom at a time at the moment remains a brilliant idea. I In an idiocracy, not everyone needs to be an idiot, just the ones in control. The United States government map of Africa on display at a global conference was apparently designed without reference material not supplied by Toto. Trump busted Tina Peters out of the pen, she's already paying him back. Biological warfare enters Trump's war with Iran, as usual it's a self-own.
David Waldman has the news! Greg Dworkin has the polls! Voters disprove of Donald K. Trump. Let us count the ways: Lowest approval of either term. Low on his war. Low on his economy. Lowest for independents. Low on white, non-college, males. Trump doesn't have a problem with any of that, but midterm voters seem to care a lot, as just about everyone's polling is tilting left. Of course, the election isn't today, there's plenty of dummies out there, and even Barack Obama can't set them all straight. Meanwhile, Dems like Matt Schultz can't find the money to run against Gops like The Master's Academy alum Nick Begich III. Then there's those Progressives, or Democratic Socialists, or whatever they are calling themselves today, out there disarraying everything, protesting all their data centers and flock cameras… Hippies! If a guy named Abdul El-Sayed can run for Senate, times might be changing… or might not. Maybe they can't figure out the ballot. Ohioans around Springfield can't wait to move into those sweet big Haitian houses and high-pay Haitian jobs that were stolen from them. In the meantime, their old neighbors and friends will just have to die. Either Secret Service professionals actually determined that James Comey planned a hit on Trump, or they just felt like hassling him. Most start measuring the drapes before they get to DC. Trump can't stop. Donald wants to show off his latest several billion-dollar pretty thing he created, you know, the same way bosses always "create" things. It will have the WORLD'S LARGEST GARAGE, and eliminate "mobile lounges", no doubt because their update would have been electric.
David Waldman helps haul in Greg Dworkin's usual Raft O' Stories™, which was light on primaries, but had Plenty O' Polls™! More people like Donald K. Trump less than ever! The fact is, most Americans don't approve of awful people. Most Democrats are not awful people, so this might work in their favor for the midterms, if they can fight their natural urge to disarray. The 2028 Democratic primary calendar favors progressives. Progressives are turning away from establishment media. Democratic voters are turning away from establishment candidates. Francesca Hong seems nice, and smart, and progressive, which seems like a good combo this year. James Talarico is all of those things, plus a few more, and Ken Paxton is none of them. Troy Jackson has, well, a couple of those attributes, which might just be enough. Abdul El-Sayed does not have Troy Jackson's nor James Talarico's name. Ohio does not have all of its marbles, but who knows this year… Everybody is NIMBYing away from data centers, so Trump will probably mandate them for blue states. Trump wants his Supreme Court to overturn his E. Jean Carroll settlement, as it says right in the Constitution that presidents cannot lose lawsuits. Trump has been too busy presidentially thumbing through material swatches for his Dulles International Airport makeover, which just might be the best use of his time.
David Waldman delivers a very Tuesday KITM. 100,000 Flock cameras are watching you, soon to join cameras inside your car to track, monitor, and interpret your every movement, everywhere you go. We all know that if you cooperate with authorities, you won't get hurt. However, some still object to being Flocked without consent, leading those people into rebellious acts against societal norms and authority, symbolizing their struggle for freedom… or they at least become a little more creative in their loafing. Knowingly choosing to violate laws disagreed with works out really well for friends of Trump. Good news also for mentally unstable pranksters. Swatting politicians, especially a gay father like Pete Buttigieg, turns out to be shockingly easy. Florida Senator Ashley Moody has been in the Senate only 18 months and has already funneled millions of dollars through a nonprofit into PACs, an achievement previously only dreamed of by Republicans accusing Tim Walz of doing the same.
David Waldman and Greg Dworkin are here to summarize the chaos of the weekend. I, in turn, summarize that into this tiny nutritious pellet for your consumption. The worst thing about White House Correspondents Dinner is that they feel that they have to keep telling us about it. The only news ever is its chronic persistence. The White House press corps could have stood up, but they came to sit down. Donald K. Trump told jokes, explained the jokes, then posted AI explainers of the jokes and the hilarity feels like it just might never stop. Laura Loomer is not Lauren Boebert, Anna Paulina Luna, or even Sid Rosenberg, but if she read it the internet, she would believe it. Once decided, Laura changes her mind less often than Donald changes his diaper, so it's a shock to see her come out for Ukraine. Tim Pool also flips on Ukraine. Must be something in the water. Bold and brilliant military strategists Donald and Pete ran out of ammunition and requested a time out. Pete Hegseth gets rid of generals faster than Vladimir Putin. Generic Dems lead, and Gop enthusiasms are gone, but as the midterms near it is expected that Republicans will be trying to destroy the elections and Democrats will try to destroy themselves. Their enemy, as always, are Progressives. Senate Gop candidate Mike Rogers is rooting for Abdul El-Sayed for a number of reasons, most of them obvious. The thing is, Black voters are also against El-Sayed. Maine has put the recent unpleasantness behind them and are now ready to decide the future of progressive populism for all mankind. The real enemy, as always, are political consultants. Political consultants want to make the past great again. California's primary vote count might have been slow, but 150 thousand voters were slower. People like voting by mail, though. Brazil worries about Trump rigging their elections. Blue state Minnesota burns because DOGE told them to "drop dead". People that Elon Musk doesn't think about simply do not exist… which sure gives you a clear idea of the future of "Universal Basic Income", doesn't it?
David Waldman empties his Pocket, Instapaper, and various messaging apps into today's KITM. Donald K. Trump sharpied out four casualties to his Iran War because everyone knows that deaths don't count when you are on a break. The Keystone DOJ took another pie to the face and will drop their subpoenas against New York Times journalists over their Air Force One reporting. John Solomon's plans to overthrow government for Trump are going badly, which does not mean that they will stop trying or that they will fail. Lindsey Graham died, and Trump grieved over his beautiful lost leverage. Darline Graham seems to have a mind of her own, but they used to say that about her brother, too. Chairman of the Federal Reserve Kevin Warsh picked up a $100 Million starting bonus to guarantee that he remains completely more impartial for some over others. In the latest Boosie Badazz news, the pair that conned Boosie (and others), Jack Burkman and Jacob Wohl, have now signed on a new dupe. Jim Jordan accused Jack Smith of lying. No joke, that's the headline.
David Waldman offers us bite sized tapas of topics today: Olive Garden, when you're there, you're family, but even they demand ID from Republicans. The Tate bros might have thought the US was a haven for rapists, but the long arm of UK law finally caught up with them. Andrew wears capris… not too warm, not too cool. The House is going to try reconciliation, again, to bribe farmers, kill democracy, bomb… Mali, and maybe bring a smile to grumpy Old Donald K. Trump's face. Once again, police demonstrate the ease of handcuffing suspects after they shoot them in the head. Melissa and Mark Hortman's murderer gets a couple of life sentences. He shouldn't expect a pardon; Republicans forgot about him a year ago. Donald raped E. Jean Carroll. 30 years later he was fined… money! Nobody suffers like he does. Canadians will quietly open the Gordie Howe Bridge so as to not set off our president. Good luck on that! It looks like the people who think everything is rigged probably rigged the Presidential 1776 Award competition. Tulsi Gabbard's brother tried to lure kids up to his hotel room with gum and money. Those kids were not as dumb as he might have expected.
David Waldman and Greg Dworkin got together again, and all was good and proper for about an hour this week. Well, 'ello, Gub'ner! Trump's Andy Biggs will contest gubernatorially against Cindy McCain's Katie Hobbs in Arizona. Dem Francesca Hong has broken into the lead in Wisconsin. Platner replacement Troy Jackson is ahead of Susan Collins for Senator in Maine with a winning message. Authenticity is so crazy, it just might work. It's now a Dem/Gop dead heat for the Senate in the generic… Of course, MAGA is ready to forgive a lot of Gop sins in their candidate, especially when the alternative is a Commie. Too bad Canadians aren't voting. Gops don't want to talk 2020 fraud in 2026, especially when it's their plan for election takeovers in 2028. Everything Trump touches dies. Or it tries to kill us. Or make others want to kill us. Or maybe wish death upon others. Even death is no escape from Trump assholery. Donald K. Trump art of the dealed the Sauds nukes. Maybe they'll give him something really cool. Trump's Iran war has cost $37.5 billion so far, but Pete Hicseth figures he can tie up all the loose ends for about three times that. Speaking of triple, that's how much Donald Trump Jr's investments in Donald Trump Sr.'s pet causes have increased in value in only months. OpenAI's AI facehugged Hugging Face servers, which is not good, man. The New York Times recognizes Denise Oliver-Velez. Larry the Cat knows how to treat the press right.
This whole week is getting f*#ked up by doctor appointments, man! Yesterday, it was Greg missing the show. Today, it was me leaving early for an appointment of my own. What's next? A dentist appointment?! Well, yes. But at least that one's "after hours." Limiting ourselves to one hour necessarily kept the number of stories covered way down. But things keep happening, regardless! Even if those things are stupid and shouldn't be happening at all! For instance, even though they've now drained the Reflecting "Pool" multiple times, revealing zero evidence (and destroying any that might have existed) of anything that could even remotely be portrayed as the "vandalism" Trump and administration officials keep blaming for the disaster, Jeanine Pirro is stuck for the moment continuing to (appear to) embarrass herself by going forward with baseless "charges." For those who were looking for a reminder that The New York Times still does important work and is capable of "getting it," today's front page story was a lengthy focus on Trump's "One Big Beautiful Bill Act" dropping nearly half a million people from SNAP programs in Arizona alone. And it's just getting started, because Medicare is next. But not until it will be too late to impact elections. Hey, remember that time Trump said he was going to send a hospital ship to Greenland pardon 250 people for America's 250th anniversary year? Yeah, well, that requires work, and Trump people don't do that. In fact, they're doing massive numbers of not doing it. New trend in American sports: If officials rule against you, threaten to call Trump. This should do wonders for the lives of Little League umpires. Anyone wanna buy a statue? Anyone wanna know why no one wants to buy this statue?
Chaos! David Waldman barely made it through today's KITM. Greg Dworkin called in to say he wasn't calling in. Then we lost our live feed because of the wildfires up north in… not where our Maniac in Chief is aiming his napalm, but at our telecommunications hub in Oregon, hopefully not too near to Justice Putnam! Those Trump buoys cause about as much trouble as Those Trump boys. Trump's Qatari 747 is going back to the shop to get "maxed out". Donald will be disappointed that doesn't include gold-plated wire rims. Trump airport needs more money from taxpayers before it begins kickbacks to non-taxpayers. Trump got one more jinx in before the World Cup finals. Donald left a moral stain on the entire event but dropped his biggest stink at Spain's World Cup celebrations, that he wanted to make the Trump celebration. That smell is the kind that lingers but can be scrubbed away with effort. Everyone booed either Trump or Gianni Infantino. Only one of them gives a damn. Somehow, Trump has not completely killed the SAVE act, while Congress and Senate take a few more whacks at it. Lisa Murkowski is more concerned about her state than Trump. There's another Vance today. There goes the neighborhood.
David Waldman delivers us safely to the weekend. Even he is not exactly sure how. It seems like everyone's trying the new "MAHA Blast" featured at Taco Bell and many other participating outlets… often by surprise. Those "Trump Trots" (Or just "The Trumps", if you are really in a hurry) are caused by exposure to DOGE Sh*t. The takeaway on Donald K. Trump's speech last night is to take it far away. To even address it at all is a form of sanewashing. Tommy Tuberville liked it though. Tell it to the judge, Donald. Back to the whole point of Trump's presidency: the grift. Trump promoted companies on Truth Social days after buying their stocks. He is now selling priority access to those stock tips, because why not? The DOJ is dropping charges against the cryptofraudster who made $722 million on the backs of idiots, as game recognizes game. Trump's teleprompter operator made $100K betting on Trump's speeches and that go-getter received a paid vacation. The DOJ also forced a judge to drop the Jan 6 case on Proud Boys. ICE Killer David Brouillette should have never been allowed near a gun and yet was issued one again and again. You need to record ICE atrocities because those guys with cameras there will not be. United Airlines might reroute passengers who don't want to arrive at AI-Slop DJT. Then again, they might not want a visit from the DOJ. Gops in disarray won't be passing their veteran's benefits bill for Trump not to sign. Things are so crazy, even Todd Blanche might not get passed.
Will Donald K. Trump create a singularity of cretinous lies tonight massive enough to swallow the United States, or will this be his taco of all tacos? There's only one way to find out, and that is to listen to David Waldman tomorrow describe the Bluesky posts commenting on those who heard about what Trump said. Don't watch tonight, as you can't get too close… the stupid, they say, it burns. For certain, Trump will not be talking about his federal prosecutor marching on June 6, or the text messages not just covered up, but erased. Greg Dworkin not only hauls in his usual Raft O'Stories™, but talks like a sailor too! A record 58% of battleground voters disapprove of Trump. Dem Haley Stevens is7 points ahead of Dem Abdul El-Sayed in Michigan for Senator. Following the primary, their factions are hopefully to become re-arrayed for the election, or at least hopefully hold each other in higher regard than they would some Gop candidate with the Nazi son-in-law. California's Xavier Becerra is crushing Gop Steve Hilton's gubernatorials. House Gops have pretty much run out of time to pass their reconciliation package. You will not hear the answer to who won the 2020 election in the Senate confirmation hearings. You won't hear the answer to any questions, really. If actions speak louder than words, though, Todd Blanche just might not get the unanimous Gop support he needs to get confirmed. ICE continues to maraud, mauling the rights andbodies of anyone they're unable to get a kill shot on. The Secret Service does not want to be JD Vance's Uber. RIP to local legend Denise Oliver Velez.
David Waldman and Greg Dworkin are here to box up today's chaos. ICE has announced a temporary reduction in streetside executions. Federal hitmen do not take out exactly the correct people but at least meet quotas. Susan Collins might be a little concerned that this would happen to her, but Trump could not be more delighted that someone handles this for him before he takes the Lugar over later in this term. This Thursday night, Donald K. Trump plans to make this Friday morning more stupid than any on record. IQs might remain at record lows for weeks. John Ossoff knows why Trump is doing this. In Michigan, the Senate race is wide open, although falling into maybe familiar patterns. Minnesota governor's race is falling into a psychedelic pattern. Democrats lead by 26 points among "double haters" because voters just can't find as much to hate them about. $5.6 million goes to E. Jean Carroll. Meh, Trump can clear that in three medium bribes. Too bad for Donald that a unitary executive can't sue themselves or he'd have the USA deposited in the Caymen Islands by now. The art of dealing with Trump is to never make a deal with Trump. It shouldn't take AI to tell you that DOGE used AI to create federal policy. New York becomes the first state to impose a data center moratorium. RIP, Pat Oliphant, IMO, the reason that several generations got into politics.
David Waldman, the guy who brought us "pervert glasses" (Well, not the glasses per se, but the concept of, you know…) brings us the Tuesday KITM: RIP to who again? Congresspeople are dropping like very old flies. Mitch is that one on the windowsill who started buzzing again. Lindsey had done that a few times himself before disappearing into the carpet somewhere. Donald K. Trump noted how much they all were attracted to him, but what's another fly gone, more or less? Graham had no wife and kids, but did have a sister, which is close enough for government work. RIP to the State Department, laying off 1,300 employees in order to create the deep state of their dreams. When all is handled from the top down, there need not be a bottom. The National Guard will remain activated in DC as long as Trump is there, give or take. Who else is there to guard the Lincoln Reflecting Pool/Tractor Pull Arena, the gash of which might soon extend beyond the Washington Monument? Boosie Badazz is still working on his art of the deal after paying Jacob Wohl and Jack Burkman for a pardon. E Jean Carroll finally received the $5.6m Trump owed her, sadly not as a giant novelty check in front of Trump Tower. She can do that for her upcoming big check. Corey Lewandowski, who has never once been suspected of propriety, is once again being suspected of impropriety. A federal judge finally said what federal judges should have been saying, probably since there's been Trumps in the US. Do you think that could be a bump in Todd Blanche'spath to confirmation tomorrow? Nah.
Greg Dworkin helped us round up the chaos of this R -1 weekend. Did you have Lindsey Graham buying the farm before Mitch McConnell? What's the process in South Carolina for replacing Graham? Will Republicans just dip into the loser bench from their most recent statewide primary? Too soon to start thinking about how the Republican Infirmity Crisis will impact the balance of power in the next Congress? Ha ha! Trick question! There's no such concept as "too soon" anymore! Texas may yet escape Republican clutches, with the Deporter-in-Chief always on the ballot. But don't let Democratic successes get you optimistic! It's time to bite your nails about [dramatic music]… Democratic Socialists! In random news: One of those "looksmaxxing" dumbasses is dead now, too. Even though he didn't die, there's a bit of procedural drama surrounding the replacement process for Rigor Tortoise. Remember the time we spent last week on the NATO countries working on making their escape from the US umbrella? Well, it's not just NATO anymore. And speaking of craptacular foreign entanglements, Jared Kushner may have just stepped in it, in Albania. Which borders on the Adriatic.
David Waldman invites you to donate today, before we are forced to call it Donald Kagro Trump in the Morning. It's the weekend, and Donald is… where? Hiding in an Iran-proof bunker? Hitting the links with Mitch? Lying in wait for the Reflecting Pool Antifa? Supervising the White House column restoration to more resemble palm trees as the Mar-a-Lago founding fathers intended? Trump has fired all Democrats with the Election Assistance Commission so that he can relax and get more shuteye during midterm election rigging meetings. The Commie Gas franchise is expanding with 3 new stores in the tristate area. Sign up for their new 5-year plan! If it wasn't for the tedious committee hearings, Kash Patel would be living the dream, brother.
David Waldman and Greg Dworkin! Here! Today! Graham Platner has dropped out of the Maine Senate race. Well, pretty much, it's hard to tell. Platner doesn't seem to be much into introspection… which is the mark of a real blue-collar man, amirite guys? Donald K. Trump knew that Graham was a pig, and kindred spirit, the moment that he saw him. Democrats, however, haven't been quite sure which one of themselves that they should blame for this, but do agree it will put them at a perfect advantage once they replace Platner with the perfect candidate that they all can become arrayed behind. Gops wouldn't get in a mess like this, because they don't. Maine has fewer gubernatorial vexations. Mallory McMorrow doesn't have Nazi tats or screw around, but she's out anyhow. Meanwhile, Mike Rogers is a strong candidate. He's the STRONGEST candidate RARR! Trump flew his phony baloney Air Force Oneto Turkey and flew the real one back. After all, what's the point of being safe if you don't look cool? Trump had reasons, which were not believed, to which our Master Prevaricator shouted in retort, "That's simple, I was only LYING!" Kentucky Gov. Andy Beshear wants Mitch McConnell to update him on his health… Ha, the joke's on Andy! At NATO, Turkish President Erdogan handed out guns like party favors. What will Mark Carney and Keir Starmer do? Trump should have no problem, as long as he has enough suit pockets empty of silverware and signing pens. A judge has ordered that E. Jean Carroll's $5 million be released to her. Maybe, she got it today. Federal Judge Emil Bove's verdict is that he luvs Donald. Zohran Mamdani is a "football" fan who will call it "soccer", no problem. He does not like VAR, however. Trump doesn't know what a red card is for, after all, his favorite sport is "ruining things".
David Waldman spoke to Mitch McConnell for about 20 minutes this morning, as he often does to prepare for shows. Mitch would like us all to remember that anyone can be a supporter of KITM on Patreon for the incredibly low price of only $5 per month! Noted anglophile Greg Dworkin reports that noted twat Nigel Farage has been appointed Crown Steward and Bailiff of Three of the Chiltern Hundreds, which sure is one way to attempt to keep out of jail for laundering crypto-pounds. Unfortunately for Nige, this puts him directly in the path of trash statesman Count Binface, Vermin Supreme of the Albion. Texas Gop Ken Paxton is hiding out in England or perhaps has found a new place to vote in the midterms. Either way, someone should quickly appoint him to something. Everything that dotard Donald K. Trump touches dies, except algae, and the Islamic Republic of Iran. There is no going back to our relationship with Europe. Greenland could use a restraining order, although that might encourage stalker violence without proper enforcement. Gops desperately hoping to save the Senate get a breather in Maine. Gops in Congress can enjoy the scenery on their way down. Zohran Mamdani is more popular than Benjamin Netanyahu, therefore, Rahm Emanuel will be Zohran Mamdani, or at least not Benjamin Netanyahu. Trump's kids all wanted an airplane ride… Ok, not his "kids", but his cabinet, but Donald doesn't like to play favorites... Ok, he loves to play favorites. It turns out that rich guys who have run out of things to spend money on, can buy airplanes.
David Waldman returns to KITM up this Tuesday. Party Rock Anthem singer Lauren Bennett, RIP. Republican Senator Mitch McConnell…. well, that drum is still rolling as of press time. Democratic Senate candidate Graham Platner… his political career seems in worse shape than Mitch's this morning. Platner's making some of his supporters look worse than most Republicans, and that's saying something. Capturing the Senate was always a toughie, but capturing the House might become tough if Dems don't get rid of him soon. As always, ranked choice voting is the answer. Does Donald K. Trump steal everything he can get his hands on because he's demented, or because he's a thief? Evidence supports that Trump is a dim-witted bastard, and a vile, contemptible, deceitful, kleptomaniac. Trump Accounts for Kids is, of course, a heist. Everything Trump touches dies, sometimes before Trump can suck the life out of it. The US national men's soccer team now looks like cheaters and losers because of Trump. Gop Anna Paulina Luna wants the Patriot Front white nationalist group investigated for being secret Democrats. MAGA Laura Loomer, I guess, is a different person?
Well, we made it through July 4th weekend! The "Great American State Fair" continued to frustrate and disappoint the weird few who insisted on attending. Or trying to, anyway. Fake "pavilions" filled with half-assed "exhibits" that lots of states wanted nothing to do with. Even so, some were made to look like they were participating, even when they weren't. And the look was not good! All-in-all, we should just be glad they didn't burn anything down. Greg Dworkin was here to remind us that there was plenty of other stuff happening this weekend, anyway. Bribery, marching Nazis, FIFA corruption. You know, the usual. Speaking of those marching Nazis, know why it was so easy to get so many of them into DC on July 4th? Probably because they were already there. Interesting developments in the Michigan Senate race, where state senator Mallory McMorrow ended her campaign, leaving just two main Dem contenders in the race. Where will her voters go? Not easy to tell. They'll probably all turn socialist! But not for the reason you might think: i.e., that they're socialists now. They probably just want someone who'll kick a little ass. And there are a lot that need kicking. Meanwhile, the regular onslaught of corruption stories continued unabated. Along with a bunch of people Trump claimed were jailed for "fixing their cars," he also pardoned (by strange coincidence) yet another Perv-A-Lago fraudster, this time one maybe tied to a wee bit of murder. And just for a bit of semiquincentennial fun, what movies best capture America? Well, hold onto your Uncle Sam hats, because America's Poet Laureate might just be the creator of Beavis and Butt-Head.
David Waldman has got his holiday planned out, but what are you doing for the Fourth of July? Traditionally, you might choose to rebel against a tyrant. Some also may reflect upon God's providence, as the ultimate source of liberty, this year more than ever. After all, He is not just pro-freedom, but very much against rampant corruption amongst a nation's leaders. The Great American State Fair's main exhibit Is Trump corruption, There are however billions of other examples. So many, that Donald K. Trump's handing out souvenirs to his friends and relatives. It's not real corruption unless you can cruise around in a pimped out 747, though. Karoline Leavitt got to ride back in the "library" with all of the "books" that Trump plans to "read" when he "retires". The Trump DOJ waited until only hours remained in their deadline to announce that they would not release any more Epstein files, because it's more fun to do it that way. The Trump DOJ experienced "a rapid unexpected disassembly", accidently releasing volume II of Jack Smith's Mar-a-Lago report to the person they are suing for stealing volume I. A Venezuelan man was accused of attempting to choke an ICE officer to death. As usual, authorities did not anticipate the truth tripping them up, almost as if lying is routine procedure… The National Park Service is no longer required to post truthful signage at National Park sites. Olympian canoeist David Hearn has been indicted for vandalizing the DC reflecting pool because directly contradicting Trump lies is a federal crime.
David Waldman won't be attending the Freedom 850,000 Fireworks this Saturday. He can sweat in the dark in his own living room, thank you very much. To help celebrate our nation's 250th birthday, Donald K. Trump will add one more layer of realism to his World War III cosplay in DC, with Saturday's 15 hours of shock and awe, emphasis on the shocking and awfulness. You can't bring food or water but do pack a gas mask and plenty of spare oxygen. Trump might do a flyover in the new Air Force One, which came in on time and only double the budget, by saving on those gaudy missile detection, countermeasure, security, and communication systems. It would seem that Donald does not put a lot of thought into the safety and wellbeing of others, but how would you explain Trump's executive order on pesticides… other than he just does what the last guy told him? It would seem that Trump is constantly losing, but he'd be gone in a second if that really was the case. No matter how much everyone else loses, Trump and his family are having the best time every minute of every day. You know when Crown Prince Mohammed bin Salman of Saudi Arabia feels swindled, it's bad. You can't prosecute Trump's Board of Peace because they have decided that you can't. Greg Dworkin has the latest on the midterms, which Senate Gops still don't have to worry about, because of "math". Then again, that math could change. For instance, a close Senate contest is brewing in Iowa, and Jon Ossoff holds a double-digit lead in Georgia. Phil Weiser defeated Michael Bennet in the Colorado governor primary and who doesn't hope that he goes against Victor Marx? Victor will not say how many people he's killed, nor predict how many he will in the future, and yet he still comes off better than Jared Polis. The Vatican excommunicated bishops of a breakaway traditionalist sect. Now do JD Vance!
It's another Primary Day morrow, and Greg Dworkin brings the takeaways, today from Colorado. Phil Weiser beats stalwart Michael Bennet in the gubernatorial. 29-year-old Democratic socialist Melat Kiros has the Mamdanimentum over old-timer Diana DeGette. Young Democratic Socialist Maurice Brown also has the "Mo". Grumpy old Dems become grumpier. There's more to come. Control of the Senate is up for grabs, but the RNC has control of the $100 million. Sherrod Brown is no young socialist, but he knows Ohio. The Donald K. Trump Supreme Court almost killed birthright citizenship. Gops who hope to murder the Constitution for good, ironically hope that a Constitutional amendment will do it, but first plan to torture it a while. A few Trump losses did slip through, for the moment. E. Jean Carroll isn't waiting around. DOGE installed visitor-tracking software on vital federal websites. Meanwhile, Trump wants a master list of spies, but spies don't want to give Trump the list. If Donald wants it, he can come and get it.
David Waldman delivers us to Tuesday, the first Friday of the week. Clarence Thomas' check cleared, so it's once again time for the Trump Supreme Court opinion dump. It was "a mixed bag" of Supreme Court rulings, in that SCOTUS handed Trump everything that wasn't nailed down by the Constitution, but that they will have to get around to the rest over the next couple of years… Patience, Donald, Stephen, and Laura, SCOTUS always plays the long game. Conservative Justices are "originalists" in that they originally decided this outcome back when they were in law school …or even earlier when they heard their uncle say, "When the first one moves in, there goes the neighborhood". There's "America 250", and there's "Freedom 250". One, Trump skims off of, the other… he skims off of, also. One has "George the Star", the other has ""Manny the Masturbator". (I mean, have you seen Abigail Adams?) Trump has another special gift planned for the 250th, once they melt down enough gold fillings and watches to coat it. Websites designed to "catfish", "pharm", "phish", and… have been installed by DOGE, so what are you going to do about it? Signal is still the administration's app of choice. Mike Johnson will try to pass the SAVE America Act on the back of an upcoming defense bill while he throws together a quick 28th amendment to the Constitution.
It's chaos out there, but David Waldman and Greg Dworkin have got this part all figured out, comparatively. Generic Democrats are trouncing generic Republicans heading towards the midterms, probably because there are fewer "generic" Democrats running for office. Zohran Kwame Mamdani was too smart to become featured in the New York Post swimsuit edition. MAGA are too stupid to step in out of the rain. Donald K. Trump is running out of time to rig the election. Graham Platner has only begun to concern Susan Collins. In Alaska, Dan Sullivan is Dan Sullivan's biggest headache. Trump was indicted under the Espionage Act, which is one of many things you should be able to look into but can't. Todd Blanche's DOJ is violating the Epstein Files Transparency Act and Katie Phang is making him pay for it. Trump is solving Iran like Putin is solving Crimea. Mike Johnson is walking the fine line between compliance and complicity. In keeping with existing Trump guidelines, Bill Pulte has hired a Gop operative who looks like a Fox News anchor, likes to party, but acts like a tradwife (wink!) and really knows how to pad a LinkedIn. Trump is eager to begin work on the East Potomac public golf course before the law catches up with him and stops him.
Before heading into the weekend, there are a few minor issues we need to clear up. One: that weirdo Trump FEMA official is leaving. Which one? The one who teleported into a Waffle House, of course. How is he leaving? That we don't know, and it might not even be worth trying to guess, honestly. Oh, and remember the Shark Tank weirdo who was so sure that anyone opposing his plans for a mega data center in Utah just had to be a Chinese Communist Party front? Well, he's backing off of that one. Which is nice, I guess. Oh, oh, and remember that housing bill that both was and wasn't presented to the president for signature? Well, it's been presented. Again? Maybe? Oh, oh, oh, and remember Elise Stefanik? Well, we'll be rid of her for the time being, but MAGA weirdos are hoping to replace her with a different MAGA weirdo. Oh, oh, oh, oh, and remember the Reflecting Pool? It doesn't really matter if you don't, because it's whole history is going to be made up, anyway. Anyway, it turns out that the only contractor with real experience in dealing with it didn't want anything to do with Trump's plans for it. So they gave the job to Gomez Addams, instead. Looking ahead, at least on a story that's already got a long and checkered past, Todd Blanche and the DOJ might kinda sorta be in some trouble over the Epstein Files. But you know how that whole executive branch accountability thing goes. Though there are still some solid efforts being made at reviving the concept. It's all the more important, given that the leopards who ate the faces of the original "relitigate Watergate" champions are now looking to relitigate Watergate. Are you old enough to remember when ICE was spending like a drunken sailor, buying up every warehouse it could find and trying to "Whydontchajust" them into detention centers? Well, now they're trying to un-whydontchajust 'em (and pin the blame on Kristi Noem). One last thing to stow away for the weekend: the next blossoming scandal has dropped! Trump's looking to exploit LA28 Olympic organizers' need to stay on "the government's" good side by squeezing them for some kind of quasi-affiliated, pre-Olympics golf tournament at his LA club. That's not even a thing! But neither is remaining president while suffering from degenerative dementia.
David Waldman exorcised the audio gremlins plaguing yesterday's podcast, revealing that we had only one, not several Greg Dworkins calling in. (We kept the best one.) Donald K. Trump embarrassed, upstaged and kneecapped his fellow Republicans more than usual yesterday, taking the bipartisan bill on affordable housing hostage so that he could throw a number of snits at Senators trapped in the room with him. Outgoing Senator Bill Cassidy believed for just a moment that the "outgoing" addition to his title allowed him to be intelligent and courageous or something, but he was disabused of that notion shortly. Thus, relieved of testes and testiness, Gops tacoed their previous resolution, allowing Trump to declare more of his ever-popular wars. Meanwhile, Trump has been unable to save SAVE, so far saving democracy. Face-eating leopards have been discovered in the Persian Gulf. That's ok. In ten days, the housing bill will… drat, where did they put that darn housing bill? A Syracuse woman pointed out that Jonathan Ross was that ICE agent who executed Renée Good in her car months ago and that Jonathan Ross will probably never see justice. The Feds hate that being pointed out. Probably because Janathan Ross is their buddy. Gop Tom Kean was not abducted by aliens and cloned. See? He's right here, in a suit and tie, with his wife, smiling, in this doorway. Everything is fine. He will close the door now.
After a decade or so of tweaking, David Waldman is finally getting the hang of the KITM sound system! KITM listeners are the luckiest people on the face of this earth. There were more primaries, so Greg Dworkin stopped by for a while. (He probably would have anyhow, he kind of likes us.) Zohran Mamdanimentum rolled across New York, a huge success, which terrified Donald K. Trump, and of course, every Democratic smoke-blower across the nation. Darializa Avila Chevalier took out the chair of the Congressional Hispanic Caucus. Army veteran Cait Conley is now aiming for Mike Lawler. Swing voters are still mad at Gops about abortion and will be carrying that anger into the midterms, and beyond. Scammers goldrush to sham "progressive" super PACs Trump's name is off the Kennedy Center, and all over his cement swamp. Judges are blocking him here, there, everywhere. Gops join Dems to pass a resolution calling for an end to Trump's war with Iran. And look, Dems are doing something! OK… Donald is triggered. Prairieland is what happens when the weakest people are given absolute power. Dissidents are now receiving life sentences.
David Waldman shakes out some stories to clear the way for tomorrow's primary news. Donald K. Trump draws a strict line on pride, greed, lust, envy, gluttony, wrath, and sloth. A strict line around himself. Donald might have a fat friend or two that take weight loss drugs, but everyone knows that he wouldn't be that one 79-year-old man Eli Lilly gave compassionate use access for a still unapproved weight loss drug. Trump is in better shape than any president, ever. Just look at him. 22 medical specialists – Twenty-two! – can't be wrong. A judge quashed subpoenas aimed at harassing Tim Walz, Keith Ellison, Jacob Frey and Kaohly Her in Minnesota. Meanwhile, Trump squashed an investigation into his clemency grant to a convicted fraudster. Trump's SAVE voter surveillance and harassment program has been deemed illegal. Sometimes you just have to force-feed Trump his tacos. Over at the John F. Kennedy Memorial Center for the Performing Arts, the Donald F. Trump memorial tarpaulin of shame is still on display. Motions are being filed to remove it, even though it isn't really hiding anything. Peter Thiel secret society members Corey Booker, Ted Cruz, Elon Musk and others have been revealed. Some societies aren't as secret. Jasmine Crockett and James Talarico are not yet on the same team.
David Waldman took another road trip! This time he was FEELING SWELL on the east coast, at what they call ORMOLU. Shop at both, only two more shopping months before David and my birthdays! Greg Dworkin describes how Trump losing his war in Iran didn't just make him a loser, it made everybody losers… but mostly Trump. In other loser news, Ukraine is turning Crimea from an asset into a Russian liability. Keir Starmer won election in a landslide, now he's not even fit to change Larry the Cat's litterbox. Perhaps Andy Burnham will be. Tulsi Gabbard's guru was less Maharishi, more Rasputin. Trump's DOJ has indicted 15 anti-ICE protesters for being anti-ICE protesters. ICE concentration camp Delaney Hall confirms everyone's worst fears, inside and out. The difference between "America 250" and "Freedom 250" is that Trump only gets a cut from one of them, so far. Antifa ninjas evaded National Mall surveillance to gouge a patriotic 250-foot gash into Trump's cement swamp. Trump has ordered jail time for every child who touches pond scum… strangely, never vice versa though… As they say in Italy, "Trump è un coglione". Actually, they say that pretty much everywhere. Believe it or not, there might be a few even worse, right there in his administration. Leopards can't keep up.
Beach day! Well, sort of. I don't think the weather is entirely ready to cooperate, but I'll be nearby the beach in case the weather is better on Saturday. But between packing for the trip and hoping to watch a little World Cup action, I couldn't get a new show recorded for you. Still, I think this episode from one year ago may be instructive, in that it takes us back to the first round of the Trump 2.0 armed conflict with Iran. So it's a chance to see it all coming, which might not quite be uplifting, but like I said, hopefully instructive. Here's how Scott Anderson described the happenings from that morning: David Waldman is back on the air again, LIVE! Greg Dworkin returns, with mega polls! No, not Trump's high poles, but Trump's low polls, along with the latest takeaways from the KITM World Headquarters Primaries… well, Virginia primaries, same difference. Will TikTok TACO Trump chicken out with Iran? We're talking about millions of actual lives here… so maybe not. MAGA thought they opposed such things as "forever wars", but they'll get over it, like their opposition to Russia. It's easy to do when you think about it, and even easier when you don't. You'd think that making conspiracy theorists put up or shut up would put them in some sort of bind, but these are a spunky and resilient group of whackadoodles. Confronted with a tragically factual Christian nationalist assassin, they expeditiously took reality lemons and turned them into MAGA lemonade. Chinese license plates and thousands of cards stole the 2020 election for Bernie Sanders. Not many people know that. Donald K. Trump is objectively bad for America. Journalists are hesitant to point that out, lest their network soapboxes be turned into real ones. Still, with protests, it pays to not give MAGA a seed of truth to roll their dung around. Nonviolence is the way. Then later, we'll impeach the bastard, maybe this term, maybe his third or fourth. Four execs from the top tech companies in Silicon Valley have joined the Army Reserve but probably won't be putting boots down in Isfahan soon or even in the next two weeks. They were of course invited because of their special technological genius. NYC tycoons are saying "There goes the neighborhood" if Zohran Mamdani moves in.
David Waldman delivers us to the weekend! His weekend, maybe even yours! Greg Dworkin is in and out right on schedule to catch the Knicks Parade and pick up his souvenir trashcan. Fat, evil, and stupid Is no way to go through life, and doesn't win many wars either. Unless we attacked Iran in order to provide them with new infrastructure, missiles, nuclear materials and terrorist support, you even might say that we actually "lost" Donald K. Trump's Iran war. Worst yet for neoconservatives, we might not get to attack Iran again for a little while. As Donald might say, we "pretty much shot our load"… Of course, the quicker we rearm Iran, the sooner we can nuke them. This is definitely not what Bibi Netanyahu ordered. Ben Shapiro blames the mean boys for abusing our poor dotard. On the bright side, Trump has been able to keep Ronald Reagan rolling in his grave for more than a decade now. For either one, war crimes don't seem that bad when their memory only goes back minutes. Trump signing off on his Iran war between dessert courses in Versailles might have made it harder for him to taco on it later, but Donald is always up for a challenge, unless it's challenging. The Palace Guard could have helped Trump get up that flight of stairs. Mexico? Cuba? Canada? Greenland? Intestinal or arterial blockage? What will Trump conquer next? Donald probably misses those days when it was just him and Jeff, some roofies and a checkbook. Tacoing out of Iran will be easy compared to the midterms. MAGAs and Gops are getting tired of each other. Dan Sullivan doesn't want to be associated with Dan Sullivan. Urban voters face voting hurdles that just irritate election reporters. Across the pond, Wallace and Gromit head to their polls to rotate out their latest PM.
David Waldman boosts us over the hump of the week. Greg Dworkin's raft o' stories™ include some of his tookaways from yesterday's primaries in Georgia, Alabama and Oklahoma. Georgia had several run-offs, and Donald K. Trump threatens to rally there until someone drops from heatstroke. Trump needs Bill Pulte to dig some more skulls before Jay Clayton takes over. Every department with 3 initials or more will be tasked with rigging and throwing elections. Trump evades assassination attempts about as often as he ends wars. This time, a couple of Nazi accelerationists were thinking of shooting up Trump's UFC shindig but did not count on FBI Director Clouseau showing up. Kash Patel caught them in a steel trap just like the Broadview Six. The DC pool boys dumped every bottle they could find out in the shed into Trump's new cement swamp but will be needing to swing by the store for a few thousand more. Read the 14-point draft agreement between the US and Iran before Trump does! Take your time, Trump will not be getting around to reading anything. "Agreements" are for the other side! Anyhow, Donald is too busy making love to make war. Dotard Donald dodders through the G7. French President Macron invited Trump over to Versailles, where it is hoped that Trump might get to experience the real thing. The Trump family business will now be FDIC insured up to… well, what you got?
David Waldman attempts to catch us up on last weekend before next weekend. Good luck! Sick of winning yet? You would think that Donald K. Trump might be sick of spinning losses as wins by now, but no. Some say that Trump's Iran truce has the "hallmarks of defeat", primarily the hallmark of "not winning", but "losing". But unless you actually read the terms of the agreement, all you have are facts and evidence on which to base your opinion. We do know that now Donald is mad at Bibi until the moment that Trump needs Netanyahu's, Isreal's, Evangelical's, or a donor's support. Elon Musk doesn't need much from anybody yet seems so needy. Elon egged on a race riot in Belfast, Northern Ireland, when he could have just had one Ubered in. Jeffrey Epstein paid a Palm Beach deputy to get special treatment in jail. Everything Trump touches turns into… petty insults and endless lawsuits.
David Waldman and Greg Dworkin whoop it up for one thing or the other on today's KITM. Winning! The Knicks win and New York couldn't be happier. Losing! Trump's name comes off the Kennedy center. Trump hides his shame under a tarp while the scheming and rigging continue without pause. Winning!? The US declares victory and high tails it before the many Taco Tuesdays to follow. Pete Hegseth occasionally let Iran win so that the victory would be twice as sweet. It's hard to count the number of losers at the UFC thing Sunday. From airline pilots to US service members. As everything, there was only intended to be one winner. Abraham Lincoln suspended Habeas Corpus during the civil war, so why can't Stephen Miller do it to win an argument or two? Maggie Haberman has another house payment, so we get another news flash. Maybe she was just doing her job. I can't believe this is a news story! Extra-fat butter makes your baked potatoes out of this world!
David Waldman presents Kagro in the Morning, the best investment for your entertainment dollar… or dollars if you're rolling in it. Elon Musk, for instance, could pay several dollars for one of our episodes and hardly feel it. Ah, well, he's done so much for us already. There's the World Cup, if you'd want to see it, or are allowed to see it. Then there's the Idiocracy 250 Gladiator Jamboree this Sunday. It's not a good investment, but then again, you've already paid for it, so a 30 pack of Bud Light might be the only investment you need to make it enjoyable. Even in DC, however, the best sights remain the ones that you can see for free. Bill Pulte has some free time, so tourists can catch him promenading Tulsi Gabbard on her Walk of Atonement along the National Mall. New nominee Jay Clayton will be just as bad as Bill, but is less known going in, so he might be able to get away with more for a while. Trump is willing to forget that he was ever impeached, if we all agree to never speak of it again. Months, and weeks, and days, after its complete obliteration, Iran still has enough energy to bend Donald K. Trump over and art of the deal his brains out, leaving a strong memorandum of understanding on the nightstand on their way out. Once he's done with his Iran excursion, Donald is thinking that he might swing by and overthrow the District of Columbia... and Los Angeles… blue states… Ohio… Heck, make it everybody.
On today's KITM, we bring in David Waldman, who brings in Greg Dworkin, who brings in the latest primary updates and some news summaries, which is perfect, exactly what we needed them to do. There are a bunch of important elections this month, with some big ones yesterday. Going anti-Trump is working out well for Dems, not so much for Gops. Nancy Mace does hate the Trans but was not a true believer in hushing up the Epstein files, so she doesn't even get a participation trophy. Nothing to be too proud of there. Lindsey Graham still had to spend the kind of money some spend on a reflecting pool just to stay in office. On the other hand, Graham Platner ran the gauntlet and came out unscathed even without Kellyanne Conway's approval. Mike Johnson knows that he's never smelled anything like this around Trump. A yearslong effort to woo Trump culminates with the World Cup. Why? Sending Donald cash usually results in a quick turnaround. Donald K. Trump might be getting sick of winning, but he wants to see his arch before he gets too sick. Trump's arch could become taller than the Statue of Liberty, the same way Trump Tower became taller than the World Trade Center.
David Waldman fit a KITM into his Tuesday schedule, and ours! Everybody saw this coming. The New York Knicks won 13 times in a row, then Donald K. Trump touched their winning streak, and it died. Trump was greeted by boos. He was booed while he was there. He was booed as he was leaving. Trump heard "cheering", because he's an idiot or he thinks you are, or both. Trump was a deluded liar on Meet the Press. Are all Gops deluded liars? Are all MAGA? JD Vance and Mike Johnson are here to lie to the deluded. Omar Artan was set to be the first Somali to referee at the World Cup, but won't now, because he is Somali… It says it right there on his papers. Black Americans are moving back to southern states, which is why southern whites are in such a hurry to block them. Virginia was the first southern state to pass an assault weapons ban, which its rural counties won't enforce. JD Vance wants Tim Walz investigated for fraud. Trump wants to transfer billions in Iranian assets to Jared Kushner. Trump says he will not nominate Bill Pulte to be permanent intelligence chief. That's ok, John Thune will handle it. Todd Blanche loves Donald so much that he'll handle anything for him.
David Waldman and Greg Dworkin recall the weekend and envision the week on today's KITM. Donald K. Trump burned through 11 layers of makeup before doddering off the set of Hee Haw/Meet the Press on Sunday. Facts do anger Trump but will never stop him. Donald makes it about himself. If he can make America's 250th anniversary all about him, why not some basketball game? If the game can't be played, Trump can stand in the center of the court and bask… in whatever they want to bask him in. It doesn't matter as long as he's being basked. Scott Pelley was at CBS supervising the editing of videos to make ICE protesters look like rioters, when Bari Weiss came along and tried to make him cross his ethical line. Brendan Carr can tell you it is the boss who always draws the ethical lines. Often it is the boss who erases the ethical lines. Anywhere the Trump Supreme Court draws a line, at that moment it is exactly where that line should go. If there was a Purcell principle for Secretaries of State, it was just violated in Texas. Meanwhile, Ken Paxton's defense lawyer endorses James Talarico.
David Waldman's house is on the blink. The basement wiring is frayed, the ceiling skylight is plastered over, and some guy is running around with a chainsaw. Yet, David remained focused on delivering a KITM in the quality that you've come to expect. Donald K. Trump says Bill Pulte won't be his nominee for director of national intelligence… well, not his "permanent" choice, whatever that means. Gops aren't voting for Bill, which means a lot more. Trump's Jan 6 slush fund is dead, dead, dead, but might be feeling better soon. The Senate passed a reconciliation bill without driving a stake through its heart. Now, the SAVE act, that's pretty much dead. So, Trump's description of the War Powers Resolution should be expected to be "wrong, misleading in a way in which it is true, but irrelevant"... and it is all of those things. But what is the War Powers Resolution, and what really sets it apart from your regular run-of-the-mill war powers resolutions? David knows and tells!
David Waldman and Greg Dworkin ponder and elucidate the world's mysteries and conundrums on today's KITM, and probably their off hours as well. As polls go, Donald K. Trump is the loserest. While Trump loses, folks prefer Sherrod Brown even more. Not just in comparison to Trump, but to the palooka he's running against, too. Zohran's Mamdanimentum mounts even after election. People now publicly cheer his political ads! It's Zohran vs Donald at Knicks' Game 3 at Madison Square Garden! Momentum always seems to be heading in the opposite direction of Graham Platner, but he presses on. The Trump Supreme Court gives Alabama a chance to use a map already found to be unconstitutional, which wouldn't seem like something SCOTUS would do, until you remember that they aren't SCOTUS anymore. The Gop House voted for a resolution to end the Iran war, which everyone knows that we won through obliteration ages ago, like Viet Nam. Meanwhile, the Senate voted to finally consider funding immigration enforcement agencies, following their decision to pretend that Trump has given up on his Jan 6 slush fund.
It's one of those Wednesdays after one of those Tuesdays. David Waldman would be delighted to have Greg Dworkin haul in his Raft O' Stories™ anytime, but June's Tuesdays are looking to be extra special. In New Jersey, Adam Hamawy won a 12-candidate Democratic primary and might face ex-Independent ex-Libertarian ex-Independent ex-Libertarian Republican Gregg Mele, a perpetual underdog despite his catchy slogan. California is still counting their many votes, but the name to know gubernatorially is Xavier Becerra. The thing to know in Iowa is that Donald K. Trump is a fat loser and will continue to be both for the foreseeable future. Trump is a cartoon villain who is finally beginning to lose in cartoonish ways. Sadly, this villain lives in the real world with us. The guy that Trump has picked to take over the Department of National Intelligence, Bill Pulte, seems to have entered from a darker, yet more funny, unreality, again, unfortunately all too real. Scott Pelley died with his boots on, fighting for the life of 60 Minutes. Will his CBS comrades fight or hide? Meanwhile, the Trump Supreme Court rules from the shadows again, throwing another election, this time to Alabama.
A true necessity in these trying times: a genuinely comfortable and durable t-shirt. And I know where you can get them! [Ed. note: No I don't! That one appears to be sold out!] In semi-good news today, there is evidence that Trump has been temporarily stymied in the establishment of his stolen $2 billion slush fund. Some are taking that to mean that he's reversing course. But wiser heads aren't so sure. In yet another policy reversal, Trump announces that he's become "bored" by the stalemated Iran "negotiations." This is a minor deviation from his earlier declaration that he could never find the topic boring, and anyway he never gets bored by anything. The dumbest story to actually break during today's show: We're getting an even worse [Acting] Director of National Intelligence. On the upside, he's actually terrible at framing people. What's wrong with Todd Blanche? Everything. Specifically, these 10 terrible things. Remember them, in case there's ever an opportunity to hold him accountable for them. Did pervy dilettante Paolo Zampolli actually introduce Melania to Trump? The pervy dilettante's ex-wife says that's just a cover story. Not that it's important or anything. How awesome are AI tech support chatbots? They're so awesome that if you ask them to give you access to someone else's high profile Instagram account, they can do it! Now that's service! Longtime listeners may remember that ages ago, I applied for Congressional Radio & TV gallery credentials on behalf of Daily Kos. The application was rejected on the basis that Daily Kos was "too partisan," as there were frequently found in its content… links to ActBlue pages [dramatic music]! So naturally, you won't believe the list of conservative partisans who now hold those credentials. Or will you?
David Waldman and Greg Dworkin describe two hours of highlights from the unending parade of stupidity and corruption. Even with all the money coming in from Brawndo and other sponsors, millions in "partner investment" into the UFC Freedom 250 have been unaccounted for. We all know where it's all going, though. The attending audience will represent a cross-section of America's rich and beautiful. Trump got a $620 million deal for his ne'er-do-well sons. He has routed billions to them this year. You got something against a father's love? Donald K. Trump has identified the camel not once, twice, but four successful times in a row, a presidential record that should stand for all time, unlike his name on the Kennedy Center. Trump's drone-proof DronePort might not happen either. Good news! Delinquent credit card balances are 13%! Gas prices are high now, and higher soon! People will be spending money like they have never spent before! Nobody is sicker of winning than farmers, which is why they support… Trump. If MAGA can't afford gas, they'll walk to the polls to vote Trump. Creating a Blue Texas would be as tough as taking Christ out of Christianity, so… pretty doable, actually. In Alaska, all Gop Dan Sullivan has to fear is Dan Sullivan himself.
It might be an uneventful weekend, if there are no anomalies. David Waldman and KITM could be the biggest thrill you get! Martina McBride, Bret Michaels, Milli Vanilli, and scores of other bands and performers that you were dimly aware of decades ago are now bowing out of Trump's "Freedom 250". Groups are vying to sign up so that they too can bail out for the street cred. Kid Rock is still waiting for his invitation. Trump Is spending millions to cover four horse statues in gold before he selects one as Senator at the event. But of course, he did: Trump is having the DOJ launch a criminal investigation on his rape victim, E. Jean Carroll. But of course, it is: This investigation is a major headache for Senate Gops. A judge has temporarily blocked Trump from ladling out slush to his Jan 6 troopers, while fraud charges are being investigated against him. Kilmar Abrego Garcia is not guilty again and again, while probably never to actually go free. Joe Biden has plenty of reasons to sue the DOJ and has picked one. Trump refiles his lawsuit against the Wall Street Journal, because he can. Shhh… Samuel Alito's son has been quietly working for Trump's Treasury department. History's biggest pyramid scheme might not be propping up America's economy for much longer.
David Waldman has more crazy to tell us about. Greg Dworkin has discovered more polls to share. We shall reconvene forthwith. 4.5% of the Texas voting population has spoken, electing deplorable Ken Paxton over deplorable wannabee John Cornyn. That' sa lot of deplorables, enough for a Trump win, maybe enough fora Republican loss. At least that's the dream. Today, the good news is that James Talarico has shaken up the race and gave life to the Democratic cause across the state. Texas Gop money will pour into convincing their voters that they are capable of holding their noses tight enough to vote for Paxton. More importantly, with John Cornyn gone, so is the money and clout that he brought to the state as a ranking Senator. Seniority used to be the path to money and clout in government. Those days seem long gone. To commemorate their departure, Donald K. Trump hopes to pass some illegal tender to the geeks and carnies out in the back yard building a stage for the Milli, or Vanilli concert. Nicki Minaj, Kid Rock and Ted Nugent are too big for this gig… oops, Milli Vanilli ends up locating a threshold of embarrassment. Trump has no threshold. Trump threatens to attack Oman, intervened to score another $640 million for Junior, and $13.1 million for his pool boy. He wants to jail his rape victim, E. Jean Carroll.
David Waldman is joined by Greg Dworkin and his Raft O' Stories, Polls, and Election Results™. Yay! Ken Paxton won last night! Any candidate Donald K. Trump wants is pretty much who Democrats want. Fraud and sex abuse are becoming planks in the Republican platform. James Talarico invites John Cornyn supporters to vote for him. Most won't, but some will, and their votes count just as well. It is doubtful that many embarrassed Cornyn voters will be voting for Talarico, but he needs all the help he can get. Dems understand this and are aiming for more unity and a bigger tent this go-round. Some get that more than others. Al Green got it but has gotten it long enough. Mysterious Meddlers paid through Gop channels are placing fake Dems in primaries, including Texan Maureen Galindo, who is a lot more MTG than AOC. South Carolina's Gop gerrymander might be too late. Alabama's might be too racist. Neither Trump nor his Supreme Court gives a damn. Trump isn't fooling anyone. Everyone knows he's full of shit. That might make lying to your face even more satisfying really, because he can. Trump emptied the Board of Peace cookie jar while no one was looking, not that it was unexpected. Why bother putting effort into peace if it doesn't put money in his pockets? You might remember being assigned Roots: The Saga of an American Family, the book and miniseries in school. Well, Tennessee schools are able to assign it again!
David Waldman catches up after yesterday's weekend catching up. Groundbreaking… more like "spiritbreaking" has continued on the Donald K. Trump Memorial Ballroom-Führerbunker–Thunderdome–Hotel-Casino and Gentleman's Club. Is Trump only in it for himself, or is he… well… there really is no other alternative explanation is there? The world will have to admit that it has never seen a bigger crook. Tulsi Gabbard just couldn't keep up. All stick, no carrot has made Gop Senators less productive than usual as they head to a reconciliation bill right after they pass the previous reconciliation bill. The only one who doesn't want to just pack it up and bug out is the Senate parliamentarian. The United States might have become too much of a corrupt human rights horror for even FIFA. If so, why not Mexico? Meanwhile, Palantir and other tech companies bring us our dystopian future today, exploit-maxxing their Zyn Bro employees by juicing them up with stims.
It's Memorial Day, a contemplative, ruminative, respectful holiday... He's going to either drop nukes or golf today, isn't he? Maybe both? David Waldman and Greg Dworkin reflect upon the holiday, and wax nostalgic on the days that giants strode the halls of congress. Every day is Donald Trump Day for Donald K. Trump. It's easier for him to remember. Donald Trump days will eventually run out though... eventually. They are at least becoming shorter all the time. Therefore, it makes sense for Trump to concentrate on finishing up his bunker. Trump might be the only one who actually believes that this bunker is the only one that he will have available to him. Memorial Day is definitely not the day Trump would want to contemplate his Iran war. Trump would never have had to wage this war if Barack Hussein Obama hadn't committed so much competency. Speaking of competency, that's the one thing CBS would never allow these days or would never allow if anyone competent worked there anymore.
More stuff happened™; therefore, David Waldman made a KITM to tell us about it. The heist was running so smoothly… The DOJ was to pretend to stop a robbery, the IRS was to hand them the cash out the back door… Split the haul, plenty to go around… Then somebody got greedy. The Trump family wanted a cut of everything, forever. That got everyone's attention, so now things aren't so quiet anymore. The Senate GOP canceled their ICE bill vote over it. House and Senate Democrats are doing something about it. Gop Ralph Norman says that Jan. 6 was staged by Trump haters, except for the ones who were convicted of crimes who are heroes. Gop Thom Tillis says he won't vote for Iran war powers resolution and is against the Jan 6 slush fund because it is bad policy, it's bad timing and it's bad politics. Donald hates that nitpicking. John Thune doesn't know what to do, so he'll just go home. There are no cameras where Gop Tom Kean is… in San Francisco, Las Vegas, and several local banks. A federal judge told the White House personnel to comply with Presidential Records Act. Well, some of them. Some you can't tell anything. Federal prosecutors have dismissed all charges against the "Broadview Six," as it was looking like the lawyers themselves were the ones deserving of going to jail. Judges have ruled against ICE 10,000 times. That isn't enough. There is now a nationwide arrest warrant for an ICE agent, and that isn't enough. It turns out that the Trump Iran war was mostly for Israel and is destroying the world economy, who'd guess? Update: Clavicular has avoided jail time for shooting a dead alligator in public… and no, he wasn't "that" happy to see the verdict, those are actually shopping bags full of soup cans in his pants.
The "Clavicular of Podmaxxers", David Waldman, is joined by Greg Dworkin today in mogging MAGA, amongst others, on today's KITM. Jeffrey Epstein! That is why this is all happening, but don't knock the grift. There's Donald K. Trump's patriotic Jan 6 slush fund grift, the $1.776 billion Looting of America, marked down from $10 billion Just for you… and because Donald couldn't get the $10 billion. $8 billion off, and it's still corruption like nobody's ever seen, and anyhow, he and his boys have plenty of time to pick up the rest. That is, if the rest of the gang doesn't wuss out on him, or the cops don't stop him. Gops might drop Trump's billion-dollar ballroom grift, at least a billion dollars of it. There are still the drone-proof drone empire, and the Trump Presidential Spider Hole to grift. And, the Arch grift, which is as the Founders would have wanted. There is also the Trump-Bibi-Iran War grift, racking up an extra $40,000,000,000.08 In gas so far. David discovered a bargain with E15 gas, which might not be a great bargain in the long haul, but his car will just learn to toughen up in these tough times. Democrats could be in disarray, but so are Republicans, the good news is that Dems are used to it. 90% of the Colorado Democratic Party voted to reprimand Governor Jared Polis. Voters generically like Democrats but specifically dislike Republicans. Once they get to know Dems, they might like them better. Trump wins more, even as more hate him. Voters would prefer the Democrats they don't know over Trump. RIP, Barney Frank, who would have had fun, and would have been fun in today's politics.
It's Wednesday, and unless you're Louisianan or something weird like that, that means election follow up. And election follow up means Greg Dworkin. And Greg Dworkin means pundits get abbreviated and rounded up. This morning, everyone's attention was diverted to The Slush Fund. Everyone was talking about it. Even the big time pols, who are supposed to be talking about such things, but often seem to take days to do so. Not this time! Even Josh Shapiro is on it. Republicans are on it, too. Some of them are hinting that they'll run away from it (i.e., the elected ones), while others (the trolling operatives) are already claiming they've formally applied for a payoff, as unlikely as that is to be true. By the way, does the name in the story ring a bell? He was supposed to have turned over a new leaf in life, but it turns out it's just the same leaf over and over. But after that, it was that elections thing I previously mentioned. They happened in Kentucky, where Thomas Massie found out (though he surely saw it coming) that keeping your 2024 campaign promises that were also Donald Trump's 2024 campaign promises gets you kicked out by Donald Trump in 2026. They also happened in Georgia, where Republicans also found out that preventing Donald Trump from fulfilling 2020 campaign promises didn't help, either. Georgia also reelected nominally Republican state Supreme Court Justices on the 2026 equivalent of the butterfly ballot. Anyhoo... Trump's backing got lots of crazy nutbars through their primaries, but getting through November is another story. This story, to be precise. And they've got data for that. After all that, pretty soon we'll get to see if it's the same story all over again, but in Texas. And keep in mind, Republicans who lose their jobs during Trump's "retribution tour" are now free to do as they please. (Unless they're threatened with murder or whatever.) But they still have to choose to show up to do it. On the Democratic side of the ledger, Jared Polis is pretty sure that eventually, everyone's gonna see his Tina Peters commutation as rainbows and unicorns. But right now, people see it as... well, there could be a horse involved. I guess. Israeli and American war "planners" may have given the reins over to the other end of the horse as well, when they hatched this scheme to bomb Mahmoud "I'm a Dinner Jacket" Ahmadinejad out of "jail" and into the presidency of Iran. It did not work, possibly on account of the bomb.
I had such a lovely little summary all written for you! But WordPress frightened and confused me, and now it has been overwritten. Ah, well. This is a list of the stories we used in today's show. If you don't know why we used them, you may never know, for I am not going to tell you, it seems. I did try. But then I un-tried. This is Trump's fault. https://bsky.app/profile/rparloff.bsky.social/post/3mm7esvdyt223 (This is a rundown of why the "settlement" is bullshit.) https://bsky.app/profile/chip.bsky.social/post/3mm7ef5w4e22i (Is there a 14th Amendment problem with the "settlement?" Is there, indeed, a 14th Amendment?) https://bsky.app/profile/paulwaldman.bsky.social/post/3mm6dd46yqc2b (This is the story of one of several child molesters that it is supposed that Trump will pay with his "settlement" fund.) https://bsky.app/profile/atrupar.com/post/3mm7kq6zxj723 (This is Todd Blanche saying he will go ahead and pay him.) https://www.nbcnews.com/news/us-news/san-diego-mosque-shooting-victims-islam-center-suspects-what-know-rcna345805 (The tragic news from out of San Diego.) https://bsky.app/profile/proptermalone.bsky.social/post/3mm6dtafhkk22 (The tragic "response" from "Homeland Security.") https://www.nytimes.com/2026/05/16/business/media/influencers-political-financing-disclosure.html?unlocked_article_code=1.jFA.g0Ia.o7Z55fKtu3Sy∣=nytcore-ios-share (Influencer payola! "Both sides!" But twenty paragraphs before actually mentioning the main Republican example!) https://bsky.app/profile/beyerstein.bsky.social/post/3mm5vszkuxk2h (That Republican example's previous history of smear jobs that appear nowhere at all in the Times story, for some reason.) https://www.washingtonpost.com/technology/2026/05/09/ben-shapiro-daily-wire-maga-media/?pwapi_token=eyJ0eXAiOiJKV1QiLCJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiJ9.eyJyZWFzb24iOiJnaWZ0IiwibmJmIjoxNzc4Mjk5MjAwLCJpc3MiOiJzdWJzY3JpcHRpb25zIiwiZXhwIjoxNzc5NjgxNTk5LCJpYXQiOjE3NzgyOTkyMDAsImp0aSI6ImUwYjNmMTZiLTFkMGUtNDc2Zi1iZGE3LWI1N2M3ZDE5OGVkYiIsInVybCI6Imh0dHBzOi8vd3d3Lndhc2hpbmd0b25wb3N0LmNvbS90ZWNobm9s (The saga of Ben Shapiro's Daily Wire possibly collapsing under the weight of its own hubris, and also lots of other people's hubris.)
They let Trump back into the country, so it's Chaos Time again! Greg Dworkin came armed with the usual roundup. As we mentioned last week, we've moved from Special Election season straight into primary season. And we had one over the weekend. Who has primaries on the weekends? Smart people Weirdos! Like Louisianans! But there's more to come on Tuesday, and they're reading the early vote ballot selection tea leaves. Even when it's just a primary, it means something when the ratio of ballots selected shifts toward Democrats every single time. And Georgians have more than usual at stake in what will be, on Tuesday, a final and determinative general (but "non-partisan") election for their Supreme Court, concurrent with primaries for everything else. All of this takes place in the context of record, floor-shattering lows for Trump's own polling. He's losing ground with his base. He's losing ground with his coalition. He's losing ground on his issues. But there are still enough Republican primary voters to turn things his way in these early contests. Not that that doesn't cost him ground, too. Because yes, small though the number may be, recoverable Republicans are in fact changing their minds. The combination–mathematically–has got to be enough. So, about that weekend Chaos I mentioned: Jared Polis has done the dumb thing, and though defenses are being offered, it remains dumb. Also generally chaotic: we may soon be adding motor oil shortages to skyrocketing gas prices. And Kash Patel turns out to have probably literally pissed on the graves of our Pearl Harbor dead, thus proving that there is no bridge too far. Further proof: Trump is ordering the Treasury to fill a sack with taxpayer money and hand it over to him. And though that's pretty chaotic, it is actually OK, because he is demanding a patriotic number of dollars. U-S-A! We also caught up on some pre-weekend Chaos. First, the slow-leaking of Trump's humiliation in China, where he accomplished nothing. Second, more public lands shenanigans. By which I mean the ultra-wealthy grabbing still more public things from out of your hands, in order–mostly–to not even really put them in their own, private hands. They just own them in case they remember at some point that they actually have them, and might like to use them. (or not!) Instead of you.
There's always room for a little more travelogue, right? Even when we're not traveling? Don't forget to choose your side in the In-N-Out vs. Culver's war kinetic action excursion! In other travel news, they opted not to sedate the president for his return trip to China. So you can anticipate a full day of Aaron Rupar clips of him damaging national security and the international geopolitical order. Well, if we're not traveloguing all day, then why not start the day instead with some lighthearted accusations of international espionage? It's yet another case of Billionaire Brainrot, as some guy who should have better things to do sets out in earnest to attack... some regular, normal people. Well, some Democrats from Utah, anyway. Why? Because AI profits, of course. Hey, remember when Republicans were just out to "relitigate Watergate?" And then the relitigators had their children's faces eat by leopards? No? Well, never mind, because as usual, we're way beyond that now. This is just the latest entry (but a good one that's worth your time) in the "revolutionary moment" discourse, there's another new data point that drives the theme home in a different way: 50 years after the unifying moment of the entire nation being captivated by the TV miniseries adapted from Roots, Knox County, TN (where a statue of the author Alex Haley stands today) is now banning the book from its school libraries. zOMFG. This may require a brief suspension of disbelief, but I do think we have a contender for Trump's most nakedly corrupt move so far. It was previously a different version of today's story, but the alleged diminution in value from $10 billion to a mere $1.7 billion didn't make it any less corrupt, in the end. (Nor does it preclude ratcheting the corruption back up to $10 billion, or indeed any other figure he'd like to imagine.) Yes, it's the Trump-sues-himself-and-then-orders-himself-to-settle-with-himself case. Only now it involves using the case to "fund" a sort of "victims' compensation fund," where the "victims" are anybody he'd like to give cash to. Oh, you wanna hear about more corruption? OK, fine. Them Duke Trump boys are miraculously always getting in just in time on investments that pay off big when their dad's government make decisions about major contract awards mere days after they buy in to the recipients of those contracts! And this time, they're doing it with a big play in Kazakh tungsten. Which I guess means dad won't be freeing up any Chinese tungsten on his trip. And some people are wondering whether the fact that deals like this always seem to involve defense contracts is the reason why they won't cut Whisky Pete Hic-seth loose. You want a story about dad's own corrupt stock plays? Well, I have one. Does it play into this week's GINA trip? Duh! Of course! His attention span isn't long enough to sustain anything else, you know. What about cronyism, though? Isn't there a corrupt cronyism story today? Yes, but it involves a connection to the other nation of 1 billion-plus, not the one he was visiting. But what about corruption, cronyism and pointless jingoism? Can we get a trifecta? Yes we can, to borrow and completely unfairly tar a perfectly good catchphrase. How about by "committing" to 250 pardons for America's 250th birthday? Definitely going to be corrupt (and crony-licious), because Trump. And by God, 250 of them really is pointlessly jingoistic. We've done it!
David Waldman is fighting a cold while fighting the good fight, hell, you got something to fight, he'll fight it. No beef with Greg Dworkin though. That guy is cool. Donald K. Trump is in 'GINA with his most trusted advisors: money. Listening to Xi Jinping talking Thucydides makes a much more restful naptime than listening to Lil' Marco LuLu Rubio. The Trump Iranian war rages because Fetterman is more MAGA than Murkowski. Meanwhile, Ukraine and Denmark make winning wars more accessible for the budget conscious. Generic Democrats are breaking away from generic Republicans in generic ballots, which is great news, as many Democrats are pretty generic. Listen, if people want someone who believes in causes that they will fight for, Hareem Jeffries will look into that, sure. The Trump Counterterrorism Strategy makes protesters Antifa and Antifa terrorists, while LGBT and Q are qualified from birth.
David Waldman welcomes back Greg Dworkin for all the laughs and links: Samuel Alito cited "fudged data", some say "lied", in order to gut voting rights, as if Trump's Supreme Court needed to lie to gut voting rights. Tennessee won't stop with eliminating voting rights for blacks, any rights will do. Now they did it! Dems are angry now, just watch them do… something! Voters are voting Democratic because there is no way it could be worse. In fact, in Nebraska, they voted Dem Cindy Burbank in (over the fake Dem William Forbes) because she promised to drop out to strengthen the Independent candidate Dan Osborn against the Republican Pete Ricketts. In Connecticut, they are voting out the 14-term incumbent, John B. Larson, to put in the "do something" candidate, Luke Bronin. The Donald K. Trump Iran war continues. The only thing Trump hates more than Iranians are Americans. He doesn't hate Iran that much. After all, he destroyed more US missiles than Iranian ones. Does Donald hate the press or women more? Trump is in China on behalf of world peace and has been so busy with plans to cut the world into pieces that he didn't talk to the press for the 20-hour trip over there. There will be plenty of CEOs to talk with, so Xi Jinping might just let Trum nap. Chinese Communist spy and former Arcadia Mayor Eileen Wang probably could have used a ride back to China, after she pled guilty to acting as an illegal foreign agent.
Day Two back at home didn't feel any more organized to me than Day One, but it was more like a regular show than the past month's worth have been, anyway. I'll take it! The show being as much for me as it is for you, I found myself playing catch-up on the air with the background of the Virginia redistricting situation. We've all heard what happened in the Virginia Supreme Court, but… did it make sense? Would Dems really not be fighting back with all they had? And what did they have? There was at least one pretty seriously hardball suggestion floated, but it seemed to unnerve them, or worry them that Republicans would take revenge. Only they already have. But maybe it's not too let for Dems to do nothing, but in a good way. We also spent a moment catching up on the travelogue portion of the show. We were still on the road over the weekend, you know, making quick visits to two additional National Parks on the way home: New River Gorge and Shenandoah. Which was as good a reminder as any that all public lands–not just the famous or even lesser-known National Parks–are under attack and in need of your defense. Meanwhile, the collapse of American international leadership continues apace. The hantavirus outbreak is the first time in decades that the world couldn't turn to American leadership in matters of disease control and public health, thanks to Trump. But you and I (and the rest of the world) know the problem runs much, much deeper than that. In a classic sign of imperial decay, America has turned pirate. And Talk Like a Pirate Day isn't until September! Meanwhile, as Trump heads to China, they already consider American decline an open secret. I'm sure this visit will go great.
David Waldman returns to KITM World Headquarters from his Great American Road Trip, sponsored by Boeing, Toyota, Shell, Royal Caribbean, United Airlines, Google, and Enterprise… No, wait, that was Sean Duffy, who took 7 months paid time off from Porn Hub to make the kind of TV show that only Kristi Noem and Kash Patel could have come up with. The national debt is outgrowing the G.D.P. Putting a lien on Donald K. Trump's ballroom and arch won't be enough to address his spendthrift ways, and the usual cost prevention method of killing the poor and weak is never as effective as expected. People are sick of all of the defeating we're doing in Iran; we might not be able to stand much more. Orange is the new MAGA, as a presidential pardon won't keep Michele Fiore out of prison or help Tina Peters escape hers. Ghislaine Maxwell is a different story. In fact, fellow inmates can stay in prison longer by just talking about her.
David Waldman is coming home! That's good, because the place has been falling apart without him. The Waldmans still have some tourism left in them though. They stopped at Lambert's Cafe (The Home of THROWED ROLLS!) to get their fill of hog jowls and fried chicken. I have catched some rolls there myself and recommend it. Later they stopped at Uranus, which I hear is a quite popular destination, although I personally have never had the pleasure of a visit. Chief Justice of the Trump Supreme Court, John Roberts asserts that his Supreme Court is not political. Giggling right-wing partisans wholeheartedly agree. Democrats who prefer to wait until all hope is lost feel that time might soon be approaching. Who would guess that Alligator Alcatraz would be a bad idea? Probably anyone who considered why its namesake closed. Rudy Giuliani is still "alive". Cigar aficionado Giuliani, 81, remains in poor health because of a noun, a verb, and 9/11. A Secret Service agent at a Trump event followed a woman up to her room, took off all of his clothes, and masturbated in the hallway. Even in the Kash Patel era, this is considered "unprofessional". Donald K. Trump had his "Military" force Apple to stop his iPhone from autocorrecting Melania's name to "Melody". He directed his motorcade to drive through the National Mall reflecting pool. Oh, and he kills a lot of people, too. What can you do about all of this? You can do many, many things. But you could begin with sending a letter to Congress for better treatment of public lands and federal employees or sending this letter demanding to stop further NPS staffing cuts and restore their staff!
Today on his travels, David Waldman sighted a Scissortail Flycatcher, a Wilson's Phalarope, a Lesser Yellowlegs, a quite rare Joan Jett Blakk, and several interesting news stories that he would like to share. Donald K. Trump tacoed on his Iran war, then he tacoed on the taco, while threatening to taco his taco-taco. Stephen Colbert hates one of the tacos, so does Hugh Hewitt. Polymarket loves all the tacos. France is betting things are going to get worse. Chief Justice John Roberts says the Trump Supreme Court isn't being political; you are being political. Sam Alito says he isn't being political; it's Ketanji Brown Jackson. Neil Gorsuch says he isn't being political; it's the other 8 justices. Gops say… thank you. Trump is dumping toxic waste into a public golf course, as he exclusively dumps bodies into his. The judge isn't going to go all "Amy Poehler" about it. Gops determine that raising the price of Trump's ballroom to a billion dollars should secure them the House in the midterms. Oh well, YOLO, if they're going to crash and burn, they might as well aim to make a big hole.
David Waldman continues his travels, seeing the sights, absorbing the history, browsing the merch, recording a podcast! Donald K. Trump is a loser, and everyone knows it, even him, or at least he'll be figuring that out real soon. The Trump-Iran war is a catastrophe turning into a bigger catastrophe that Trump's tacos can no longer save. In fact, if Trump doesn't crash soon, we all will crash big. MAGA loves failures that pretend they aren't. That was Trump Media's selling point. The DOJ quit minding laws a while back, now they're just the muscle to take down 78-year-old scientists. A few Indiana state Senators didn't like rigging elections, so Trump had them 86'd, if you pardon the term. The SAVE act would have sunk democracy, but not passing it earns Gop pity points. Ohio's back, baby! Well, almost. Now we need to get Sherrod Brown and Dr. Amy Action! Acton into office.
David Waldman, on his way out of Santa Fe, knew that he shouldn't have taken that left turn at Albuquerque and has ended up driving along the Champs-Élysées chased by a local chef. While he waits for his GPS to recalculate, David thought he would record a few stories that we might enjoy. The gunshot victim found in the trunk of a carduring a traffic stop in San Marino isn't quite dead yet. Neither is Rudy Guiliani. The guy shot by the Washington Monument is doing comparatively well, as is the child bystander. The US economy, however, is at death's door, pulling Jerome Powell out of retirementbefore he could even get into it. Donald K. Trump proclaims that war is over! Pete Hegseth announces that the ceasefire is holding! The bombs that drop and the boats that sink from this moment on are a brand-new war that we are now fighting againstthose despicable Hormuzians who should not be confused with any other local deplorables. The newspaper in David's hotel lobby confirms what we've all suspected: Trump is crazy. He will always be crazy. He is getting crazier. We are all going crazy with him. Meanwhile, we have Rosalyn MacGregorbreaking the news to us that some Dems don't mind going low against one another in a primary. Candidate Joanna Whaleyunfortunately, has heard it all before.
East bound and down, David Waldman is loaded up and truckin' through the Saguaro with his significant staffer to deliver our latest KITM. The Donald K. Trump Notta War quietly rages on as the Navy kills Iranians with kindness, and other ordnance. If Trump pulls a few thousand soldiers out of Germany, where is he going to put them? What shall we do with the drunken Hegseth? Iran makes social media a key front in war against America Trump wants a favor from Mexican President Claudia Sheinbaum. Granting Trump a favor never does anyone any favors. The US never asks permission for anything they do in Mexico anyhow. Infowars aired its last episode this week, and also their first episode. The difference is that this Infowars will pay their debts.
David Waldman is still travelling through California and he's feeling swell! And so can you by visiting our sponsor of sorts, FEELING SWELL! Greg Dworkin returns! He has a Raft O' Stories™ too! (With minimal X-crap) Donald K. Trump is disliked. He is disapproved. He's taking down his Gops heading into the midterms. Trump's approval has hit a record low among his core voters. Just ask them, they'll tell you… before they vote JD Vance in '28. Don't you wish all politics could be just local again? There goes the Voting Rights Act. There go voting rights. Why is there so much confusion about the White House Correspondents Association shooter? Yep, you guessed it. Republicans held it together just long enough to end the DHS shutdown.
David Waldman and KITM, now departing from San Luis Obispo with stops at Lompoc, Ventura, Azusa… and Kook…amonga! All aboard! For MAGA, "owning the libs" means being "hotter" than them too, by Trump's definition. Rosalyn MacGregor returns with an article by Michael Cohen, that Michael Cohen, warning us about Project 2025 and the hidden war on women to be fought over the next 250 years. Trump's 60 Minutes interview was edited, even though Trump sued 60 Minutes for editing interviews. That sounds hypocritical. Democrat's redistricting win lasted a few hours before being blocked by a court order, which unfortunately has not been halted by the Virginia Supreme Court. The Southern Poverty Law Center has been indicted for paying the groups it has helped to expose and prosecute for 55 years. The administration does not have a case, because a case would make a quick and easy smear campaign difficult and time consuming.
Today, David Waldman and KITM Production Staff drove through Monterey California on route to Lover's Point. I wasn't supplied with the links to that, but they did supply links to some news topics that they discussed: There was that "ballroom shooting"… John Fetterman and Lindsey Graham wish that you just get over your TDS by picking up the tab on the Donald K. Trump Ballroom. Security is much tighter on you reading Cole Tomas Allen's manifesto than it was on Cole Tomas Allen and his guns, because Trump would rather be shot than embarrassed. Trump called off Witkoff and Kushner's travel to Pakistan for peace talks because Trump would rather have everyone shot than be embarrassed… which is pretty damn embarrassing. New Jersey Gop Tom Kean Jr. has disappeared! Just follow the money. Trump has been known to recycle a lot at his private golf clubs, but why is he choosing to dump East Wing rubble, plus another thousand or so truckloads of dirt, into a public park, unless he planned on making it someone's private golf club?
This weekend, David Waldman met Justice Putnam and his snoozing sous-chef, drove through a tree and interviewed sealions, what more do you want, news? Okay! A firearm was discharged in the vicinity of the Washington Hilton Saturday night. Kari Lake seized the suspect before he could escape. On an adjacent floor, JD Vance immediately evacuated, then was escorted out by secret service agents. Some elderly bystander claimed to have witnessed everything and would have saved everyone too, if he had been allowed to… There then followed a sales presentation for the construction of a competing facility, and Cole Tomas Allen deserves some of that commission. Donald K. Trump of course escaped unharmed, near death as always, and also a ranting, insecure, dotard. His polls will probably go up following this long-awaited pivot. Navy Secretary John Phelan was sending Trump naughty nautical deck pix, but they weren't impressive, so it's Hung Cao time! Hung is afraid that witches are overtaking the nation! Well, they caught the guy who was betting on military raids before they happened. Prediction markets are completely legit now.
Yes, I did recommend that tin can that David Waldman used to record today's KITM, but I did not spec out that string… David might have told you that we would have beautiful sound in "two weeks", but what he really meant to tell you is, "Don't rush" him. The Waldmans pass through beautiful Astoria, the coastal city that seems like it was plucked right out of a storybook, and like it has had a thousand movies plucked right out of it, including one of David's earlier roles in Kindergarten Cop. Donald K. Trump plans to rename everything good after himself and eliminate any bad references. That should work great, right? As long as time no longer moves forward from this point. What would accountability look like if Democrats were back in control? The ex–FBI informant who tried to Smirnov Joe Biden has been slipped out of prison. It might not be named the "Trump War", but that name will do until he gets us into something bigger. Having achieved complete victory in Iran, Trump and Pete Hegseth now are wiping out the top echelons of our armed forces. Replacements will be assigned once Donald's and Pete's visions are hashed out. The latest ousting is Navy Secretary John Phelan, who was fired after Hegseth caught him sending Donald unsolicited deck pics. Good news for anyone downwind of Trump at the White House Correspondents' Association dinner: Donald won't be sticking around for the "dinner" part; he has something to get to after his speech.
Remember "Earth Day"? My AI chat tells me that's today! It's also National Jellybean Day, for those who observe. David Waldman spent Earth Day eve riding the transportation of the future… The Seattle Monorail! (Can it really compare to the Detroit Monorail though?) Virginia is for lovers of cracking and packing, redistricting and redrawing. All hail Governor Abigail Spanberger and State Senator L. Louise Lucas! MAGA screams, John Fetterman pouts, and Barack Obama chuckles. Republicans better hurry if they want to pass anything as a majority. Then again, Mike Johnson can just hang it up right now. It's official: "Tucker Carlson – Marjorie Taylor Greene '28"! Bumper sticker: "Tucker? I hardly even knew him!" There's a good chance that Cory Mills may have committed some light rape, but he did remember that the second to the last refuge of a scoundrel is Pam Bondi. Nancy Mace, however, has a zero-tolerance policy… which is probably a good thing.
The bluest sky you've ever seen is in Seattle. And the hills the greenest green, in Seattle. And David Waldman, plus one is in Seattle! KITM reaches apogee in their orbit around the US. Hear all about it, and some news! It seems as if everyone knew that Kash Patel was a freaking out pass-out drunk, but that's not enough for Kash. Patel will sue the Atlantic until everyone is sick of hearing about him. Kash believes that he can withstand non-stop media attention like the boys of the Trump brigade, rather than the girls. Lori Chavez-DeRemer is leaving her job as Labor Secretary, making it 0-3 for women cabinet members. Over on the other end of the ethical spectrum is brand-new Representative Analilia Mejia. Si, se puede! The US Forest Service is being not only "dismantled". The administration is salting the earth to make sure nothing can ever thrive there again.
Got their motor running, headed on the highway, looking for adventure, in whatever comes their way. Week two of David Waldman, like a true nature's child, and whoever that might be riding pillion, rolling into the "Easton of the West", Spokane, Washington. We podcast under the cloud of another mass shootings in Shreveport, Louisiana, and the Gulf of Oman. The first guy is dead, the second psycho unfortunately remains at large, his unholy demonic screeching howl piecing the night. The perpetrator was last sighted attempting to score hallucinogens at a local drug den. Also partying on, Lori Chavez-DeRemer, who is so awful at her job that Pam Bondi was offered her position. If she keeps it up, she could be made FBI Director. Kash Patel has had a few episodes of his own, but not enough people know about it, so Kash has arranged for Epstein-levels of future media coverage. Patel hopes for the Defense Secretary job.
On today's KITM, David Waldman says, he was drinking at a bar in Deadwood, when in walks Rambo, who told him he was Chef Rambo… and David has been at this for less than a week. Kids today! Is it the rock and roll? No, it's the AI! AI is taking over their education, but also their thinking, undermining their persistence, curiosity and personal effort, encouraging in their place growing passivity and indifference… Or maybe not. Rape! There's an online rape academy which is not a Trump LLC. Eric Swalwell and Tony Gonzales have not been accused of rape but are ducking out before something like that happens. Murder! John Edward's body man, Justin Fairfax was accused of sexual assault, but unfortunately killed himself and sadly, also his wife. War! Children… It's just a shot away. Donald K. Trump didn't turn into a pathological sadistic narcissist overnight. It took years of work, focus and the power of positive thinking to make him whatever he is today.
Today, David Waldman is on the road again, going places that he's never been, seeing things that he may never see again… And he can't wait to try to record on the road again! Donald K. Trump is a vengeful god… Or at least he plays one on TV, which as far as the Trump administration is concerned, is exactly the same thing. Donald is of the opinion that the Pope's God is a low-IQ loser, which as far as MAGA is concerned, all opinions are equal and just like facts, and everyone's allowed to have one, not just some "Vicar of Christ" elite. Every generation gets the Axis of Evil they deserve. This time, Dems come out against the Rapture, at least under Trump's timeline. Trump is a forgiving god. He supplied Byron Noem's beard with a beard in her time of need. Now his DOJ has moved to erase the convictions of Proud Boys and Oath Keepers who led the Jan. 6 attack, some of whom will require more forgiveness than others.
We've hidden David Waldman somewhere in the United States. Follow the clues, find Kagro, and he will personally autograph the body part of his choice! Donald K. Trump might not be telling us the truth… about his height. When he stands next to people who are established to be his height, weight, etc., he seems to have embellished a bit… Of course, he could just be a moron. Trump heard that Riley Gaines might have dissed him but didn't recognize Riley as the participation trophy star of Mitch McConnell wannabe Andy Barr's campaign commercials. Gaines then had to apologize to Trump. This lying moron is the most powerful and weakest person on Earth and is destroying everything, everywhere, all at once. If Hungary can do it, we can too. In fact, Hungary is doing it for us too.
Day two of On the Road with David Waldman™ and Daily Kos is closed for renovations! If it's not one thing, it's the other. The Donald K. Trump Memorial Middle East Catastrophe is going as well as expected, with the implementation of a Trillion dollar Marshall plan for Iran, Israel booted out, and support for Iran's new nuclear program. We in turn will receive a blockade of our blockade and a shattered economy.Now, that's some deal-arting right there. Give negotiations another week and they'll have Trump sharing pictures of himself as Muhammad... Have you noticed that Trump is crazy? More and more people are beginning to notice, although only a few are taking action.
Where in the world is David Waldman? ™ David has left "on vacation" for the next few weeks... similarly to Eric Swalwell, but for quite dissimilar reasons. In fact, Mr. Waldman talked to me in a small Ohio diner only yesterday and just might be heading to your town soon! Only a few days ago, Donald JFC Trump announced a beautiful joint venture, shaking down tankers with Iran on the Strait of Hormuz. The following day, Donald discovered that those Iranian bastards were holding on to his cut! Two days later, Trump decided to set up his toll booth a hundred yards ahead of Iran's, then flay and impale those trying to hop his turnstiles. (This is all about Uranium, by the way.) Who's to blame? JD Vance is set to be Trump's Biden of the midterms. Vance's failure in Iran folded right into his failure in Hungary. "Obliterated Iran" and "Unoustable Orbán" were pretty slow pitches to whiff, too. The Trump administration has been trying to explain to our allies that the greatest threat to the world are the people most opposed to the Trump administration, and if those countries don't believe that, then they are also the greatest threat to the world. Trinidad's prime minister is using that same energy to aim US guns at those who oppose her.
David Waldman delivers us to the weekend Gateway of Chaos™… but as far as KITM is concerned, that chaos might lead into Weeks of Chaos as David literally drives around the nation for a while. We will still have "shows" … but what that looks or sounds like is anybody's guess! Melania Trump Streisanded herself and Jeffrey Epstein back into the news cycle by daring anyone to find any evidence that connected her to Epstein and Ghislaine Maxwell other than the existing photographs, emails, witnesses, books, etc. Donald K. Trump has responded that he barely knew Melania, though possibly she brought him coffee a few times. Paolo Zampolli better stay away from windows for a while. Donald is also shocked, SHOCKED, to find out that Iran might be monetizing their control over the Strait of Hormuz. Wait until he finds out that JD Vance orchestrated an inept war on Iran a little over a month ago! House Dems attempted to pass an Iran war powers resolution. but were gaveled and dropped out of history. Kristi Noem is barely showing up for her new job now that they took away her F-jet, and her F-buddy. Renowned Minnesota racist nutjob Nathan Hansen has no immigration law experience but has been appointed immigration judge as he is a renowned racist nutjob. A US defense official overseeing AI reaped millions selling xAI stock after the Pentagon entered agreement with company. Where do they get all that money?
David Waldman and Greg Dworkin are back together for their last "normal" KITM before David hits the road. Don't fret, they plan on joining together for several abnormal shows over the next few weeks! How's Donald K. Trump's war doing? Bad… awful. There is no ceasefire. It's not a TACO, it is a complete US strategic failure, a defeat of historic proportions. Hey guys, Trump could still pull out a win! Except, even Gops don't see that happening. Vance, Rubio, and Wiles are out bragging that they were against it all along. Didn't anyone Grok "Strait of Hormuz"? Cadets were stranded in the Persian Gulf, probably as a little D.O.W. hazing. There is an offramp, but Republicans aren't taking it. Trump will use foreign steel for his ballroom. If US steel wanted it, they should have stepped up their bribe game. The Pentagon threatened the Pope after he criticized Trump. Maybe if Trump kissed some babies and told them how the 2020 elections were rigged, he could pull out of this slump. How're Democrats doing? In Arizona, voters are seeing the light. In New Jersey, they love their Governor not Trump, boo, boo, boo! They're going to have a tough time holding the Texas House. And in Wisconsin… WTF? Seriously… WTF? JD Vance certainly has "a type" … Now JD's stumping for Viktor Orbán, as Trump and/or Putin can't afford to lose a member of their authoritarian ratpack.
David Waldman notifies you Daily Kos immigrants out there better be ready to show the correct ID if you ever expect to get in. Greg Dworkin tells us that the rot comes from the top, then backs it up with links to the world's clearinghouse for mis- and dis- information. Two weeks. TACOs usually feel so good because we've just stopped hitting ourselves in the head with the hammer. This time, we've continued hitting ourselves in the head with a hammer after threatening to do much worse. Schrödinger's Deal promises nothing and everything, or everything and nothing, depending upon your perspective. The markets love that stuff. As for the rest of us, Donald K. Trump achieved his principal goal, war with Iran, and is on his way to his secondary goal of not having a war with Iran. (Pssst… the Vance '28 Campaign Headquarters would like you to know that the "not having a war with Iran" goal was all JD's idea.) At least the ceasefire has opened the Strait of Hormuz, bringing peace to the Middle East and around the world… Russian soldiers shoot themselves for the disability checks to pay their superiors to not send them to the front. Over here, the Blue Wave keeps rolling as Dems pull off their biggest shift yet. Republicans win MTG's old spot, duh, but not by a whole lot. Republicans just don't have the enthusiasms anymore. Libs pick up a seat in the Wisconsin Supreme Court. In Anchorage, the vote goes for the candidate not in support of castrating parents. Moms for Liberty keeps on earning losses. Do not cross the ProPublica picket lines today.
We'll meet again, don't know where, don't know when… But I know we'll meet again some sunny day! Tomorrow, David Waldman might be broadcasting under the cloud of a nuclear winter, but today we still have the Tuesday KITM to bring you. Whether he tacos again or not, Donald K. Trump has lost his "fuckin'" mind. Trump has already brought hell to the Middle East, so what's a few million more degrees? Donald was going kill some soldiers to steal the oil because that's what "businessmen" do... He might still kill some soldiers to steal the uranium, because that is what Mark Levin would do. Any country might now consider shooting at the US out of self-defense… except Canada, unless Charles turns his back for a minute. While he's out destroying civilizations, Trump hasn't forgotten about ours. His new voting executive order is lightweight, ambiguous, confusing, and confused, which totally tracks, and of course Trump never skimps on the unconstitutionality. Kristi Noem almost let sunlight touch Stephen Miller before he could scramble back to his sarcophagus. Hubby Bryon's balloon boobies were busted as a result, although the real security risk was out in the open. JD Vance will take over for the self-humiliation this week by rallying for Viktor Orbán on behalf of Trump and Putin. Each day is an opportunity to be duped by AI. Yesterday it was MAGA Republicans, tomorrow it could be someone important.
Dyngus Day! David Waldman and Greg Dworkin float in with another Raft O' Stories™, swept on the Eastertide. The Trump World War is now entering its third 2 weeks of total triumph. Bombing Iran to the stone age isn't mogging Iran quite enough, however, and Trump has mushroom cloud dreams. In fact, yesterday Donald renamed the Hormuz Strait the "Fuckin'" Strait and made an Easter day conversion to Islam in preparation for his final day of judgment. Marjorie Taylor Greene knows from crazy, and she's seeing some crazy. Strait traffic is picking up as more countries have been convinced to line up at the toll booths. This might slow but won't stop the biggest oil crisis in history from hitting us all. Pete Hicseth is in the process of culling all officers determined not crusade-ready. Not everyone is suited to be a holy warrior, sometimes even white guys have to be eliminated. The Justice Department says that Trump doesn't need to hand over his presidential records after he's finished destroying the world. Democrats are winning over the left and "double haters" to claim their future share of the debris. U.S. Marshals waived training rules for Elon Musk's armed DOGE security. Mark Zuckerberg offered to censor Meta users to help DOGE out. Kristi Noem's husband, Bryon Noem, has been reported to have lived a "secret double life" which involves the wearing his not so secret "double D's". Kristi, Bryon, and Corey have been reported to live a secret triple life that rhymes with "fuckin'".
David Waldman wishes everyone a good Friday. Donald K. Trump fired Pam Bondi, surprising no one but Pam, who begged like a dog for mercy, in vain. Donald tacos only to stop his own tears. Was it Epstein? Not enough enemies locked up? Maybe Trump just couldn't take the smell of her nose anymore... he did have to switch seats when she sat too close. Bondi is no doubt relieved that she doesn't have to take orders from the Chip Roys of the world. By the way, Todd Blanche will be worse. Bondi's is not the only regime being changed. Pete Hic-seth is taking advantage of all the downtime to eliminate any vestiges of leadership lingering in the armed forces. Pete's problem is that these guys can fire back. Kash Patel would be an obvious choice to stick in your Kalshi, but Tulsi Gabbard might be gaining on him. Trump will cram in some more tariffs while he still can. The House punts on Homeland Security funding, as they have tended to do. Trump's other killing field, Iran, doesn't worry the stock market as much, because the kickbacks are still great at the moment. In two weeks however expect some big changes… like American casualties, war crimes and another regime change or two to shake things up. Colorado appeals court ordered a redo of violent criminal Tina Peter's sentence but upheld her convictions. It's time for Democrats to become arrayed in uniting states with model laws, such as the Uniform Commercial Code, for instance.
These apples don't dice themselves! Or maybe they do, I don't know how it all works. David Waldman and Greg Dworkin know it all and tell us two hours' worth on today's KITM. 12 tons of KitKats were stolen and disappeared somewhere between Italy and Poland. Who would be able to fence that much candy? Really... there is only one suspect. Godspeed Artemis II! Welcome back in 10 days or so. Didn't NASA ask them if they had to go before they left? Donald K. Trump delivered the punchline to the April Fools' joke that he's been telling for more than a month, and it turns out that we heard it all before. Marjorie Taylor Green is so beyond done. Trump's most cherished loved ones aka, the markets, really were not impressed at all. Trump himself would have hated his speech had he been listening. Our closest allies around the world also had better things to tune into last night. The East Wing Escher shed has been approved by the Trump approved commission. Of course, it is just a lid on a super-secret underground facility… Not quite Attorney General Matt Gaetz heard that there's government human-alien breeding facilities. The rumor (that I'm starting) is that the prime procreation is going down there. Name an audience better primed to believe that than MAGA. The Senate sent back a bill funding DHS, except for ICE and CBP, and Mike Johnson just couldn't anymore. Yay! Did Chuck and Hakeem pull that off? Trump shrugs and pulls out his (not his) wallet. Trump took the trouble to travel all the way over to his Supreme Court and did absolutely everything he could, but who would have guessed that his justices would ask such hard questions? No ICE at our precincts! Normally, that would go without saying, but... Breaking news: Tina Peters might get sprung. Pam Bondi, She Wolf of the DOJ, got herself Noemed Greg Bovino is a little bitty guy. Tariffs were a bad idea.
No fooling, David Waldman and Greg Dworkin are back today! Donald K. Trump has spent a month assembling the biggest, strongest April Fools' joke in history, and will deliver the punchline tonight. Trump is done with Iran and escalating the war and is and is not in talks and has 67,000 US Troops aiming at Kharg and yelling "Hey everybody! We're all gonna get laid!" The base loves that joke… a little less than they used to. Lindsey Graham wants the US out of Spain and is vexed about NATO yet was forever blowing bubbles in the happiest place on earth. Lindsey was having fun and that's what counts... So, Kristi Noem's husband enjoyed bimbofying, and perhaps sitting behind his wife as she was confronted on an internationally renowned affair charge? That might seem a little "cuc…", uhm "yucky" to some, but to each their own! Don't hate Gregg Phillips because he teleports, hate the flying saucer demons. When you only govern for your base, bad things happen, especially to your polls. Everybody hates Trump. That does not mean that MAGA will vote Dem. Empathy has become so cringe, but it might be time for an earnestness comeback. In a battle of exclamation points, a federal judge halted construction of the golden Escher shack Trump was placing upon his super-secret underground war room. Now it's time to erect the Trump Tower memorial Tower! In the Supreme Court today, justices argue on how to tell Trump "no" to creating an American caste system. The only thing more difficult is trying to describe legal procedure to the hoi polloi and trolls. Karoline Leavitt demands that the ugly picture of her be removed from the internet before Trump sees it… Oh, too late! Trump is suing himself for $10 billion and they have a good chance of winning. The Jan 6 mob want a piece of whatever's being handed out. The US Army did a ride-by of Kid Rock's house. Good thing that they have such an understanding boss. TSA workers are getting paychecks now, so really who needs Congress?
Is the news really getting dumber and more chaotic every day? There's only one way (that I'm willing) to find out! And that's by re-running our March 31, 2025 episode today. David Waldman and Greg Dworkin are were, at the time, back for yet another week of KITM! How do they do it, what is their secret? No one knows! We begin the week with the White House embroiled in scandal. Which scandal? All of them! There's SignalGate, the main culprit of which has been finally determined to be JD Vance, or the news media, or an unspecified Democrat yet to be announced. JD Vance is also guilty of blowing the art of the deal in Greenland. Like Canada, Greenland has a lot to offer in both material and strategic benefits. Just think of the partnerships, alliances, and investments Trump could have potentially made if his first negotiation tactic was ever something other than a pussygrab? Countries who turned away their pussygrabs get tariffs this Wednesday, or at least more threats of more tariffs. Nothing makes Trump angrier than someone stealing his pickup technique. Don't knock it, the Trump pussygrab has been a success with most of the media, several law firms, and an undisclosed number of SCOTUS. Following many, yet not enough, injunctions from lower-court judges, the Supreme Court has six pending emergency applications from Trump demanding to know "So like…What are we?" Gops warned Victoria Spartz not to have town halls, but she didn't listen, and conducted a town hall in which she wouldn't listen. For Victoria, if you have to ask for due process, you must not deserve it. Think those masked guys heading your way wouldn't put a bag over your head? Surprise! Democrats will fix this all soon… we just need to get a little bit closer to their mid-term election fundraising drives, ok, please? In contrast, Donald K. Trump is already getting set for his 2028 election, and beyond. Wait a second, doesn't the Constitution prohibit that sort of thing? Where we're going, we don't need Constitutions. France on the other hand, takes these things seriously, but their guillotine must have been on the fritz because Marine Le Pen only received 5 years off from seeking office.
History was made this weekend, and David Waldman WAS THERE! He might have also been at the third No Kings protest... hard to tell as there were a lot of people at them. Greg Dworkin monitored those, and many other situations over the weekend. Trump's Iran War is going well, for the doomsday bunker industry, missile R&D facilities, military aircraft body shops, and boot manufacturers. Most everyone else, however, not so much. Donald K. Trump promises to strongly win the war again and change the regimes several more times until Iran finally agrees to lose the war. Iran is set to release more reality TV episodes of its popular Kash Patel Show. Vlad Putin doesn't mind Trump in Iran but had Donald step aside in Cuba. Eh, Trump didn't really mean all that Cuba regime change nonsense anyhow. He'd rather negotiate Sharpie prices to $5 with big strong men with tears in their eyes. Those pens will come in handy when the new dollar bills come out. Sure, the White House Ballroom is an ill thought out, poorly designed disaster, Trump is in charge of it. The important part is the super-secret facility beneath the $400 million facade of a ballroom. How predictive are special elections? What if we take into consideration Democrats' generic ballot underperformance, and the GOP's midterm convention? What if we take into consideration this reality? The Russian accused of being the mastermind behind the Magnitsky Case (a mind-bogging, multi-million-dollar tax-and-fraud case that led to the death of Sergei Magnitsky in a Moscow prison, and a sweeping US sanction law) will be on trial in Paris this week (in absentia). The DHS shutdown has been a month and a half, so now Trump has decided that it's an emergency and will pay TSA workers. That, like absolutely everything Trump does, is illegal only if anyone cares to make it so. How many ICE detainees died recently? I don't know, I don't follow sports.
David Waldman drops us into the Weekend Chaos Chute™ before heading out and burning his socks, or whatever he plans to do. Donald K. Trump finally got around to paying TSA agents, around the same time the Senate agreed to fund TSA and most of DHS, but not ICE, and to blow town for Easter. The Freedom Caucus wants privatization and de-unionization more than Peeps and will cling to their shutdown. None of this will slow the ICE fraud juggernaut. Trump's Iran heist is not going as well. The US ROI has been lower than expected, with investment costs being subsidized by outside sources. Trump is introducing Trump Bucks, which will be worth two for every 2027-dollar people will trade to get them out of their wallets. Pete Hicseth personally removed two black and two female officers from being promoted to generals. This reduces the chance that Trump will have to stand next to one. Greg Bovino won't end up kicking back in that private office he hoped for. In Wisconsin, a guy proves that voter fraud is easy, and that going to jail for it is even easier. If Colorado governor Jared Polis caves and releases Tina Peters, his own party will probably impeach him. Bill Pulte tries again to have Letitia James arrested for something. Elon Musk's lawsuit against advertisers who refuse to advertise with him has been dismissed... Let that sink in! Meanwhile, Trump and the DOJ feed $1.2 million back into the corruption cycle, specifically to Michael (a spy) Flynn Get out to the No Kings protests this weekend! There's one near you! You'll laugh! You'll cry! You will make new friends! You will go home singing the tunes!
Feeling Thor today? David Waldman and Greg Dworkin apply the balm of their KITM wit and wisdom. Every morning, Donald K. Trump is shown a two-minute video of Iranian things blowing up, which could explain why Trump believes that the US has totally won, or that Iran is totally obliterated each day… or he could just be pulling it out his ass. Is Trump an idiot? Crazy? Full of crap? Gops sane-wash Trump by saying whatever Trump says is true because he says it. Dems insane-wash Trump by feeling there must be some kernel of truth buried in all that gibberish. Why can't we just place Trump on a curve with "deranged" on one end and "lying" on the other and simply skip the third axis? Have you ever heard the story of the paper clip? Well, actually, the paper clip was invented 134 years ago, not 182 as Trump… Now I'm doing it! To be on the safe side, Mike Johnson arranged for Trump to be given periodic trophies. Pete Hicseth is a true believer, unfortunately for him, his boss never was. It looks like DC will need to Uber their Easter Bunny in this year as the Department of Homeland Security shutdown talks go nowhere. Sending ICE to airports isn't working for anything other than to provide their mugshots for databases, too bad the 82nd Airborne is busy. The Republican collapse has begun — and Trump is leading it. Trump's disapproval numbers are high, like no one has seen before. His approval numbers on the other hand are dying, like a dog. Among white non-college men, Trump is not so high value anymore. Here comes another election, in Maine, and it's looking good for the oyster farmer. Republicans take Democrats violating ethic rules almost as bad as Democrats do. Republicans hate Democratic gerrymandering as almost as much as they hate their own… nah, they don't mind theirs at all.
David Waldman holds it all together all by himself today. Greg Dworkin remains on assignment interviewing at local Kharg area diners but he's due to come back tomorrow! Donald K. Trump learned some great news on his war with Iran: they have a present for him! Donald hasn't got around to unwrapping it yet, but it could be the greatest gift of all: They've agreed to take JD Vance. The only thing that Iran won't be giving us is anything we are demanding. Thus, the Bibi-MBS Iran World War rages on. It can't be "boots on the ground" if they're the 82nd Airborne, can it? Alan Dershowitz wishes it was Hitler over there. Emily Gregory won a special state House election in Mar-a-Lago's backyard against the guy who had Trump's complete and total endorsement. So, Trump will blame mail-in voting. RFK Jr. snipped off the penis of a road-killed raccoon as everyone knows that's the prime cut. Where's ICE today? Oh yeah, wandering around airports prepping for boxcar loading duties. No more freebies at Delta for Congress until they get this straightened out. Trump tells blue states to go f*ck themselves after natural disasters, three times over. The New York Times is legally filing against Pete Hegseth's unconstitutional trolling of them. Meta violated children's safety thousands of times. Musk defrauded who knows how many out of billions of dollars. Pete Hicseth blew up hundreds of fishermen. Now he's taking out dairy farmers. Nick Adams will save the US tourist industry with a Hooters at every national park Jamie Raskin believes Trump is a treasonous idiot and has proof.
David Waldman goes wild (at David Waldman levels) on today's Spring Break KITM! The Trump-Iran war continues. We are losing, but so is everyone else, which has always been Donald K. Trump's idea of "winning". Thousands have died. Millions might die. That's just the Art of the Deal. Donald will soon be sick of winning and will move on, once he squeezes what he can out of this. As always, every TACO feels so much better than the victories. Oil dropped 8% on Trump's recent retreat. In fact, stocks and oil futures shot up… about 15 minutes before his announcement... Hey, wait a minute! You don't suppose… that maybe… someone… Yep, they probably did. Payola is a steal these days as souls sell at bargain basement prices after Trump gluts the market. There's no mattress buying after President's Day, so why should there be voting outside of Voting Day? I mean, Sam Alito needs to worry about his fan base, you know. Trump will continue to use mail-in cheating, because it is impossible for a president to cheat, as Donald has mentioned repeatedly to all three of his wives. And, like his wives, if Trump were ever to change his mind, he can always go back and correct it. How does Alina Habba not do it? Previously irreplaceable Habba has been replaced.
David Waldman places our basinet at the Gateway to Chaos, rings the bell and slips away, but first sings us one more two-hour lullaby:
If only María Corina Machado went fishing more often, Donald K. Trump would be painting his TRUMP Nobel Peace Prize gold today. Now, who does he have to blow up to score next year’s? The tough part for Donald will be pretending to be humanitarian for yet another year, the easy part will be that Bibi will let him declare peace every year if he wants. Trump only has to have his boy Jared Kushner “get to a yes” first, and then… Well, then there is no “second step”. Of what use would be a “second step”?
Trump has found less use for peace in this country. Stephen Miller said the words “plenary authority” out loud on CNN, then had to pause to orgasm. National Guard units in Chicago are now useless, even for picking up the trash. Kristi Noem will remind people in airport lines that “Ignorance is Strength”.
With James Comey, and now Letitia James, the goal is to get to an indictment. Again, there is no second step.
A judge won’t let Trump regulate federal elections. Soon, he won’t need to.
Meanwhile, election denier/Andrew Tate fanboy Paul Ingrassia is set to be installed to watch over elections and would also like to be installed to watch over female employees.
David Waldman brings us one day closer to… whatever that is up ahead.
Greg Dworkin is still renovating yet still has time to drop by for a chat.
Donald K. Trump has a new can of gold Rust-Oleum waiting for his Nobel Prize this Friday, but first he must attend to his conquest of Portland, the crushing of his adversaries, subjugation of the masses, etc. His commands, spoken face down in his morning oatmeal, are then relayed to Nikolai Yezhov, or in his absence, Stephen Miller and the She-Wolf of the DOJ, Pam Bondi.
The government shutdown has now riled Democrats into actually walking over to Republicans and asking them questions. It’s pushed Marjorie Taylor Greene to the point of empathy. It’s even made Chuck Schumer… ornery. It might even help save health care. There’s even a possibility that it might save the United States. What’s in it for Trump, though?
The war between the states front has moved from the courts, to right outside the court, to right over to the judges themselves.
David Waldman returns to take another whack at the week, with Greg Dworkin taking a break from his myriad construction supervision duties to chip in with the latest facts and opinions.
Today’s news: Things are awful and will get worse. In this environment, if Democrats stood still, they’d end up looking progressively less bad. But hey, Dems are better than bad — they’re good! Caring about others might just work for us this time, as people who don’t care about others are also getting screwed. Also, the Gop pro-cruelty message becomes less convincing when some of the cruelty gets on them.
Pam Bondi, She-Wolf of the DOJ, went to Congress yesterday to add more people to Trump’s shit list. First through the gate is James Comey, who is not going willingly. Comey’s indictment has a few “fatal flaws”, not the least of which is the chief prosecution witness will be the chief defense witness. Grand juries would prefer to indict ham sandwiches rather than the people being sent their way.
Meanwhile, jackboots march across America. Trump has Texas declare war on Illinois. If Portland isn’t burning now, just wait until the B-2s drop by. Americans don’t want this. The Pope doesn’t want this.
David Waldman explains the inexplicable for another couple of hours.
Donald K. Trump might have to invoke the Insurrection Act to do whatever he wants. That’s ok by him, it’s just that he hates doing things. Even “invoking” is getting tough at his age. The road to Hell is now paved with explainer articles. CNN reaches back three decades to find a photo, reaching over more recent and appropriate examples. Trump’s immigration crackdown will knock $240 billion off of US economic growth, but everyone knows that misses the point.
Donald K. Trump might know Ghislaine Maxwell, he might not. He might pardon her, he might not. Depends on how cute he feels… Say it!
Trump's new acting U.S. Attorney Lindsey Halligan is having a tough timefinding someone to prosecute James Comey who hasn’t already been disbarred but would like to be.
Curtis Yarvin scheme for world domination is falling apart and he’s now prepping his escape pod. Wait a minute! Marjorie Taylor Greene’s children’s insurance premiums for 2026 are going to DOUBLE? That’s it, Marge’s a Democrat now. Megyn Kelly has always known which side of her bread is buttered on. Frank Bisignano will now run the IRS and Social Security. Anyone can drive two busses at once if they don’t care about steering.
David Waldman and Greg Dworkin have resurfaced with yet more anti-chaotic rhetoric on today’s KITM.
A million Trump obituaries have been written, but like the Rapture, no one ever seems to get the date right. Donald is failing and unpopular, almost more than he ever was. He’s even on the low end for a despot. Trump’s support is waning, now amongst the podcasters without cool titles like Kagro in the Morning and Connor Eats Pants. Perhaps this unpopularity will add to the unpopularity of the government shutdown, and if not make Democrats more popular, at least their policies might become more accepted.
Donald K. Trump may seem nonintelligent but he’s more anti-intelligence. Trump has been cutting down on intelligence as much as possible lately. Jane Goodall would have given up on him long ago. In fact, she did.
A federal judge has the Oregon National Guard to quell the (no) insurrection in Portland. Also, the California National Guard… and the Texas… How about the 82nd Airborne? Yay Gavin! Now it’s over to JB. Thanks to Pritzker, Kristi and Corey can’t even find a Chicago bathroom stall to hook up in. The Founding Fathers wouldn’t have guessed that a president would declare war on everybody. Trump wondered who would rid him of this meddlesome South Carolina judge, and now the police are looking into that.
Jeffrey Epstein! If Ghislaine Maxwell didn’t remind you today, Howard Lutnick would have.
Soon to be former New York mayor, former New York mayoral candidate Eric Adams is checking out Albania, cashing taxpayer checks, collecting Albanian ones.
With the atoning done, it’s time to set about stockpiling sins for next year. So, it’s time to get mad all over again!
As usual, the Trump “administration” makes it easy.
But first, from outside of his jurisdiction comes the Yom Kippur news we all feared: a synagogue attacked in Manchester.
Top of the charts here at home: emerging details of the horrific and entirely un-American ICE raid in Chicago in the wee hours on Tuesday. This one might even bother the normies.
Speaking of ICE raids, Apple bows to pressure and removes “ICEBlock” from its App Store. Hey, who remembers when there was $44 billion worth of right-wing outrage over alleged government pressure on Twitter?
Wrong Jewish holiday reference, but… Why is this shutdown different from all other shutdowns?
And in what ways is this shutdown no different from any others?
The culture war on the education front is heating up once again, with Trump issuing a new ransom note to America’s universities. If you’re wondering what happens when a college administration actually follows such “advice,” the answer is: it sucks.
Which may be why Gavin Newsom is angling for ways to defeat the plan.
I knew we weren’t done learning how dumb-looking and embarrassing Trump’s UK trip was! The Semiquincentennial is gonna be so lit!
David Waldman is out introspecting today, as hisDays of Awe end and our days of awful begin.
Ahidden conservative network bankrolls right-wing news. A dark money group is secretly funding Democratic influencers. Clearly, Mr. Waldman needs to get out more and make some more friends.
Whether you were “politically correct”, “woke”, or “pinko”, the Right has always wanted you to shut up.
Government has ended; Donald K. Trump burns the crops and salts the earth. Federal workers know who to blame but are told to blame the others. Lisa Cook remains at the Federal Reserve Board as her office window is just too low to throw her out of.
E.J. Antoni however, can’t run the U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics, now that people found out what an asshole he is, and since “statistics” have been added to the Trump enemies list.
David Waldman and Greg Dworkin begin our month talking about the end of the USA.
After 6 months of tumbling down the mountainside, our government lays in a heap at the bottom of the cliff. Who the hell was at the wheel? Gops deserve most of the blame, as this has been their destination for a generation, they’re taking selfies around the debris, and are already killing any survivors they can get their hands on. Democrats have also found their rock bottom and decided to hold on to it to see how long the Gops can take it.
The second front on Donald K. Trump’s war on America is his literal war on America. Yesterday, Pete Kegsbreath said that he will transform our military forces into the best frat in history: no lardos, unlimited hazing, and girls, girls, girls! Military leaders in attendance quietly smacked their gobs at the new directives, then Generalissimo Trump assured them that their troops will soon be using hippies for target practice.
Google searches are having memory lapses, trouble forming sentences and completing thoughts when asked about Trump and dementia.
Donald gave an “Article-5-like” security guarantee to Qatar promising to send a lot of the n-word into the Middle East if they are ever in trouble. Yes, Trump’s jumbo jet refurbishment is coming along nicely, why do you ask?
You know what you aren’t asking about? A few things, but also JEFFREY EPSTEIN. Once Arizona Democrat Adelita Grijalva is sworn in, some of those things can be looked into. Grijalva deserves to be at work, but federal judges have determined that Sigal Chattah and Alina Habba should be unemployed.
Speaking of employment, now is the time to send some Darwin Darko’s way! Contact him or us with leads!
David Waldman has been warning us ever since our previous government shutdown about our upcoming government shutdown, which is set to be even worse than our present government shutdown!
Our own Darwin Darko, aka BA-International Relations, aka MA-Public Administration is UNDEREMPLOYED. Get the word out, contact him or us for more details!
Pete Hegseth wants YOU! He wants the US military to look like a World War II poster… no… no… no…the BAD guys this time. A “force for good” is too woke, time to be “a FORCE”! And more medals! And no fatties! And no snitches! But a lot more to snitch about! It’ll be the world’s greatest fraternity!
Kash Patel handed out 3D-printed guns as party favors in New Zealand.
YouTube gives Donald their lunch money, will still end up in a locker. Trump wants US drugs as low as other countries, will accept other countries’ drugs as high as the US. It’s all the same to him. President Donald K. (Karen) Trump wants to speak to the manager at Microsoft this time. Prosecuting enemies is taking too long, when napalm gets the job done fine. After all, you don’t hear any of those Venezuelan fishermen complaining, do you?
Russia uses 'shadow fleet' tankers to launch drones towards European cities. Hundreds of Deep State agents caused January 6. Which story do you think Trump will believe?
David Waldman and Greg Dworkin bring us another KITM from under another cloud of another mass shooting or two or three or four. The shooters look pretty Trumpy, therefore the national focus will be more on the venue, at least until we get a better look at what’s been Sharpied on the bullets.
Meanwhile, the Keystone ICE yakety saxes their brand of terror through major cities… though suddenly not Portland, Oregon as Trump either TACOs or snaps out of his dementia, temporarily. National Guard troops will now be redeployed to South Park, Colorado.
The disappointingly non-fictional Donald K. Trump promoted a completely fake Trump hawkering a phony product. Whether Trump believes anything he says or not, you are expected to believe it or else. The QAnon Shaman says he’s the rightful president. At this point, he could be.
James Comey's indictment is real, but the case against him is imaginary.
Everybody will lose if the government shuts down. Trump will pretend to win or blame it on trans people. As long as Mike Johnson pretends that Adelita Grijalva hasn’t been elected, MAGA can pretend that Trump isn’t in the Epstein files. Over at Epstein Alley, aka the “Rose Garden”, they’re living the dream.
Moldova! Like their language, now and forever!
Eric Adams is not so forever but won’t soon be forgotten.
David Waldman shoves us through the gateway to chaos, then runs over to Monday with a giant catcher’s mitt.
On the Day of Rapture, Donald K. Trump found that couldn’t even go up on an escalator. He cried like a dog about that at the UN along with everything else outside of when he wasn’t braggadocio do-do-ing. People have determined that he is nuts, including, bit by bit, the mainstream media and even a few Republicans.
Ok, so Trump’s crazy, now what? Who and whose army is going to stop him? Pete Hic-seth has invited hundreds of senior military officers to party down in Virginia with him, open bar all night! Let’s see whose strategy can handle him.
Europe has already entered World War III.
Strange offspring of Halliburton and the Culligan Man, Lindsey Halligan, checked one more off Trump’s enemy list. (The list that ends with you.) Today it’s James Comey turn with a grand jury indictment, show trial, hundreds of hours of Fox coverage, etc. The verdict is irrelevant.
Pam Bondi is transferring the people Joe Biden would not kill to places where they will wish they died. Trump’s radical transparency extends to the personal information of Democratic contenders, then becomes opaquer… Never mind that FBI agent they are investigating for investigating Alex Jones… Attention incels! Check out Alex Jones’ one weird trick to score hot females!
Billions in taxpayer dollars have become virtually untraceable. You don’t want to know where they’re going anyhow. Donations to Krisi Noem will move you right to the head of the FEMA line. Government is never slow when it comes to jokes about them.
David Waldman is back at it, but without Greg Dworkin who is out working on home renovations.
Donald K. Trump wants Russia to give Ukraine back some of its cards so they can play another round. If that doesn’t work, he will just call Ukraine “Uzbekistan” and sell them 22,787 Dreamliners. It's not just that Trump is nuts, he’s stupid, and dangerous. At least the cornfield kid wasn’t such a whiner! The UN escalator worked just fine for Nobel Prize winner President Obama.
Trump’s UN address was a tragedy of Shakespearian proportions, performed by an actual fool. Something is rotten in the state of Denmark... Whether tis Putin or not Putin, that is the question. Oh look, there’s some Russian warplanes over Alaska… probably nothing.
Trump’s youth support has faded. At least with those who didn’t vote for the Lulz. The problem with being an edgelord is eventually the edge. Trump will always redefine the edge as the middle to solve that problem.
Meanwhile, we head toward another government shutdown. Gops see this as a chance to shut down government, which is the only reason they even get up in the morning. They’ll eventually hire them back again, so they can have the satisfaction of firing them again.
Ken Chesebro is so dishonest and inept of a lawyer that he’s been disbarred/suspended in several states, now including Washington DC. Trump will never make the mistake of hiring someone like him ever again. From now on, all of Donald’s dishonest and inept lawyers will be babes.
Trump Bible and Turning Point USA sales representative Ryan Walters will be watching porn on his own time from now on.
See? It wasn’t the end of the world! David Waldman, and Greg Dworkin are back on the air!
So is Jimmy Kimmel! That is all thanks to “We the People”, and not just those of us who were binging as fast as possible to maybe get around to cancelling Disney+… and we would have too! But also, those standing up to ABC from everywhere to demand accountability, including people that they actually knew and cared about. Donald K. Trump will not be tuning in. (He totally watched every minute.) Many stations still won’t air the show. Did you know that “stations” still... “air” ... “shows”?
Everyone agrees that Trump seems to have experienced a massive “masterstroke” at the UN yesterday, perhaps a series of them. Donald will be autopenning his posts for a while.
We also welcome back Jeffery Epstein, who became impossible to suspend, either by executive or royal decree. Arizona’s special election could give Dems enough votes to make Mike Johnson’s job holding fig leaves in place a lot tougher. Let’s see Trump Article 2 himself out of this one!
Ryan Walters, Trump Bible salesman-superintendent, wants Turning Point in every Oklahoma high school and Charlie Kirk statues in every state university in the US. Sounds like a design job for some Etsy Witches.
David Waldman wishes us all a sweet future, unless your plans revolve around the future “ending”... then, well, good for you too.
Donald K. Trump has not been trumpeted into heaven as of this writing, but he does know Hell. Trump informed UN members that they will be going there soon. ICE is deporting any laws controlling them straight to Hell. A federal judge saw Trump’s NYT defamation lawsuit as 85 pages of Hell. But Donald says that couldn’t be when it’s all about an angel.
Trump hates anyone who does not love him. Stephen Miller hates everyone. Everyone hates Stephen Miller.
Trump does not love Russians invading Estonian airspace, but what can you do?
Kristi Noem and Corey Lewandowski are becoming disgruntled by their own incompetence, while disgruntled DOGE Leland Dudek “pretended” to be incompetent in order to bust Big Balls and friends. The Bureau of Labor Statistics may seem suddenly incompetent but can’t avoid becoming disgruntled with a boss like E.J. Antoni. Texas Gop Brian Harrison isn’t at all competent but is making a career out of being disgruntled.
Debt creditors are hunting down Karoline Leavitt. She’ll need to ask Scott Bessent for one of his sweet Argentina loans.
David Waldman and Greg Dworkin are out tomorrow for a little R&R… Rosh Hashanah and Rapture. Depending on how that goes, they’ll be back on Wednesday!
“Autism” was coined in 1911. Acetaminophen was marketed 40 years later. Tylenol hit the market in 1955, one year after RFK Jr. was born... COINCIDENCE? Yes. Just another of the many coincidences that you can point to, that did not cause your child’s autism. Not coincidentally, RFK Jr. stock is dropping about as fast as Tylenol’s.
Jimmy Kimmel is saved by a TACO. Charlie Kirk, meanwhile, is still dead. Not officially a saint, but definitely a martyr for whatever cause a MAGA could imagine. Charlie was a man of steel, just one tiny bit less bullet resistant than Trump but with a heart of gold that Donald will gladly sell to the highest bidder. Trad wife no more, Nepo/DEI hire Erika Kirk discovers that Tyler Robinson was not black, a Dem, a woman or even antifa, so of course she forgives him. Nürnberg vibes filled the air as DJ Stephen Miller spun the hits of yesteryear.
Shhh… Donald K. Trump wants the government to destroy his opposition. Well, that’s no secret. Trump has wanted that for years. What are you going to do about it, impeach him? ICE breaks present laws and will break any new ones that you throw at them too. Attorneys that don’t break laws fast enough get canned in this administration.
Don’t you just hateIndians and Koreans? No? Maybe you aren’t a tech bro. Tech bros hate Indians and Koreans. If there’s a particular nationality that you do hate, there’s probably a spot for you in this administration.
Republicans are beginning to get sick of winning.
There’s no denying the Trump administration’s obsessive attention to detail, at least when it comes to Hollywood-level casting of their cabinet members. Dirty cop Tom Homan should think before ordering the veal or accepting sacks of cash from FBI agents. Good thing he has friends higher up.
The US vaporized some more boaters in the Caribbean that they suspect of things. Suspects remain suspects after they are vaporized. Trump suggests that people should hold off on “water fishing” for the time being… maybe take up “fly fishing?”
Chaos doesn’t take the weekend off, but David Waldman does, so apocalypse later, make it Monday, ok?
Trump’s ouster of Jimmy Kimmel Is much worse than you think it is… maybe even worse than I think it is! The remaining late-night hosts satirically bowed to Trump, but it kind of felt like a rehearsal while old Charlie Kirk Show scripts are being loaded into their teleprompters.
Trump and MAGA have no problem with their pronouns, “they” is never “them”, no matter how much they seem like them. Trump will exterminate all of them… or “they” … Obviously, the only way to defend against something like this would be to hire more dipshits for the dumbasses to yell at. And they had better be real dipshits too, because any dumbass can tell if you’re just pretending to be a dipshit by just looking at you.
Case in point, U.S. Attorney Erik Siebert will be fired for not pressing false charges against Letitia James, while Ed Martin is free to McGruff cosplay outside James’ house. The case against Lisa Cook is in tatters, while the team that put together the New York Times lawsuit orders another round of drinks.
South Korea had such high hopes for us, then they turned on the news. They are beginning to see that with Trump they don’t need to FA to FO. Former Brazilian President Jair Bolsonaro will be waiting 27 years and three months for Trump’s pardon.
Vladimir Putin must have had TACO translated into Russian, and is checking out Poland, Romania, and Estonia.
Greg Dworkin took a break from supervising the construction of his new walk-in shower to join us and KITM and David Waldman for our Thursday chat.
Trump had Jimmy Kimmel disappeared in broad daylight yesterday... ABC wanted to do its part in building the national information hegemony and FCC chair Brendan Carr was happy to lend them a hand, one way or the other. Every person that Trump wanted to anger or sadden has been angered or saddened by the news. Teddy Roosevelt would have been against this treason, and the monopolies too. Oh no, now Stephen King too! Now ABC has been cancelled! (It’s the Australian one though, as if that mattered to Trump.)
In order to streamline the administration’s persecution efforts, all “woke” will henceforth be known as “Antifa”, and illegal. All “Groypers” will be “Leftists” until further notice.
Charlie Kirk hasn’t yet been added to the Pledge of Allegiance, because Trump has dibs on that slot. They might mandate that his tiny little face be etched into all Confederate statues though. Why can’t Democrats manipulate the masses like Charlie? Gavin Newsom has never met an angle he didn’t like, and Charlie sure had a few.
The difference between the mortgage fraud Scott Bessent and Bill Pulte’s parents are accused of, and the mortgage fraud Lisa Cook and Letitia James are accused of, is that theirs is nonexistent.
David Waldman picked a heck of a day to declare war on Boliva, without his Sundance, Greg Dworkin, here to cover him.
Donald K. Trump keeps smiting Caribbean fishermen from a distance instead of selling MAGA bonus closeups of their faces sinking beneath the waves. Even ball-crushing John Woo is beginning to wonder if we might just be the baddies in this one. Keep Woo’s copy of the Constitution, we can use it between Gop administrations.
Red alert! Has this Antichrist-led holy war crossed its Rubicon? Hmm, that’s some spicy rhetoric! Mike Johnson’s son’s phone is getting steamy with that one. Our enemies overseas are helping fan those fires that the Right are fanning, as if they needed any help.
South Koreans are pretty shocked by how they’ve been treated out in the wild west and might take an approximately1,220 day or so break before returning. Stephen Miller would love to have them all back, as he needs to deport them a few dozen more times to reach quota.
An ABC reporter asked Trump a question and Donald threatened him. An ABC reporter asked Trump a question and Donald threatened him.
I’m so old that I remember that before Watergate, folks used to say, “This is the worst scandal since Teapot Dome.” Finally, the Trump administration, with help from the United Arab Emirates and World Liberty Financial, will return that phrase to our lexicon.
David Waldman tells us life is like an extra-large order of fries: There’s always lots to ketchup on!
RIP to the golden age of Hollywood, and Robert Redford. Don’t let on he was a Lib and you might be able to share condolences without being doxed, fired, or in jail.
She-Wolf of the DOJ, Pam Bondi will punish anyone refusing to print flyers, whether for Horst Wessel or Herbert Norkus or any other martyr for the cause.
Greg Gutfeld is aghast that anyone would say Melissa Hortman, randomly killed for being a Democratic politician, was a victim of “political violence”, unlike Charlie Kirk, who was a PODCASTER.
What do Democrats, homeless, immigrants, LGBTQ, teachers, students and Satan have in common? To Donald K. Trump, they all are you, and he knows they are never him. For a second there, Donald wondered if Melissa Hortman was some woman he violated behind Studio 54. Every woman that Trump has victimized might seem like an individual to you, but combined, they’ve created the TRUMP brand, and you’ll have to answer to Trump attorney Lionel Hutz if you sully the Trump brand. Or perhaps a firing squad, Trump is not sure.
The homeless could choose lethal injection, but America is not that great again, yet. Once it is, fewer people will be shot.
Trump will keep having Venezuelans killed and South Koreans imprisoned and tortured until those acts become precedent for future acts. What? That’s not how it works? Tell that to Bill Pulte, who now has to lock up his mom and dad for doing the thing his target Lisa Cook did not do.
David Waldman and Greg Dworkin voice the patriotic, uplifting, free thinking that this nation needs and deserves. Accept no substitutes!
You know Tyler Robinson. Tyler can check that box off, although you, and humanity in general seem to be an abstract concept to him. What outsiders don’t get is that Tyler loaded his rifle with skibidi bullets to join the Pepe elite in brain rot Valhalla… And, to show the sort of love that only he and Mark David Chapman can truly understand. Utah Governor Spencer Cox hoped this wasn’t about him. None of us do. Plenty of others where Tyler came from.
Some people think of Charlie Kirk as an inspirational, encouraging speaker. Some people see him as a speaker who inspired and encouraged violence and hatred. Charlie demonstrated how one could be both. Plenty of others where Charlie came from.
No one can say a bad word about Kirk. Not if they want to keep their job… or life. Kari Lake has noticed that school shootings keep occurring at schools. MAGA knows that no true MAGA would ever commit a violent act, and anyone who says so won’t see tomorrow. MAGA was too lefty for Charlie, and Charlie was too lefty for Groypers.
That makes Donald K. Trump the FDR of our time, except from the shoulders up rather than the hips down. There also are a lot of things that Trump fears more than fear itself. For instance, Trump is hiding from Chicago down in Memphis, while ICE attempts to sucker punch the wind out of the Windy City. South Korea has Trump filling his pants as if they designed the assembly line. Everybody seems more scared of Trump than Brazil was of Bolsonaro.
Kathy Hochul endorses Zohran Mamdani. It’s about time, and it is the time.
Today David Waldman welcomes the distinguished Ian Reifowitz, author of Riling Up the Base: Examining Trump’s Use of Stereotypes through an Interdisciplinary Lens, to connect the dots interdisciplinarily between Donald K. Trump riling up his base and the stuff we’re presently going through.
Trump will certainly receive his long sought-after Pulitzer Prize after scooping the entire lamestream media to report that his boy Kash Patel finally caught his man, with some assistance from Matt Robinson, a 27-year veteran of the Washington County Sheriff’s Department and father of the alleged shooter Tyler Robinson… Yep, cis, white, Christian, Republican, gun nut, Trump fan Tyler Robinson… Here we all were thinking that we witnessed a political assassination, when it kind of looks like Charlie Kirk might have just shot himself. Let’s learn more about guns! Slap that like!
Pity the poor Gops and Trump who required a Horst Wessel to carry them into the midterms. Oh well, back to that Ukranian girl.
Meanwhile, South Koreans rejoice to see Korean political prisoners escape American clutches. And Brazilians dance in the streets even more than usual to see their democracy hold strong. Marco Rubio vows revenge.
Remember, that’s Riling Up the Base: Examining Trump’s Use of Stereotypes through an Interdisciplinary Lens, with a live Q&A and book signing this September 30 at Barnes & Noble at 1550 3rd Avenue in Manhattan! Meet the Author, Ian Reifowitz, and mention my name for a free soft drink refill!
David Waldman and Greg Dworkin bring us another KITM under the cloud of another beloved celebrity death, multiple award-winning actress, Polly Holliday. RIP, kiss her grits.
We are also under a cloud of another mass school shooting. At Evergreen High School in Colorado a student shot two peers, then himself. Also, at Utah Valley University, only one man was shot, but it’s sure causing some hubbub! VP Just Dance Vance is dropping everything and rushing to the scene. Donald K. Trump is ordering flags to half-staff… or even HALFER staff. Who knows, Trump could put some national holiday on this date to memorialize him. MSNBC sacrificed a pundit in his honor. South Park might cancel itself after this. Gops fall on their knees in prayer before declaring a Jihad against the infidel lefties. Never fear, Kash Patel is here! …If there are any agents left to assign to the case. Breaking: Police have apprehended a rifle, but as guns don’t kill people, they had to release it.
The US shot those Venezuelans in the back, then circled around and killed the survivors. After all, drug smugglers are at war with us, and we need to defend ourselves.
Tom Hanks brought us Apollo 13, Saving Private Ryan, Sully, From the Earth to the Moon, John Adams, The Pacific, Masters of the Air… and that Saturday Night Live sketch in which he wore a MAGA hat… oh well.
Gops thought they had the Epstein Files safe, but they never counted on CHUCK SCHUMER. Ok, they got away again, but who needs the Epstein Files when we have the Ghislaine Emails?
Above all, let’s remember 9/11 today. There are many unsung tales and heroes yet to be discovered.
Ever wake with a start and wonder what David Waldman thinks about a subject? How about Greg Dworkin? Rest easy, they’re both here today!
Booooooooo! Donald K. Trump hiked, or maybe was carried on a litter, to a quite local restaurant in order to win a food-related dare from a reporter. (He’d eat anything if you dared him to.) You’d be amazed at what some people will do if you are their source of food.
Hey! WHERE the WHITE women AT? Always on the lookout, Donald located one in Charlotte, North Carolina, which is lucky (for him) as surprisingly, white women are worth 6 times more than a black woman! Nonetheless, non-whites and Democrats sure add up if you can keep scoring.
Speaking of two weeks, that is when you can expect the Epstein files, as Dems keep racking up their scores and Trump suuuuuuucks. Until then, Trump’s art of the birthday card will carry us through. Jim Jordan doesn’t buy it. Jim knows that Trump was running for president in… 2009… that’s about 10 years since Jim began crying like a dog and begging people to keep him out of jail.
A Federal judge blocks Trump from the firing of Fed’s Lisa Cook, for now. There’s only so many rush orders that the Trump Supremes can handle.
The Zohran Mamdanimentum continues to roll along. Turns out that Jewish New Yorkers are not anti-Semitic.
Congrats to Oliver North on his marriage to Fawn Hall... no that’s not her… not her either, nope… There she is! Ah, that might be why Donald wants to get back to the seventies.
David Waldman is back to tell it like it is and was.
Eee-Ew! The Jeffrey Epstein birthday book has been released, the Trump-Epstein birthday letter has been revealed, and it’s real, it’s bad, and it sure is icky, much like many of its participants. Donald was certain that we all agreed the issue killed itself in its cell and was long gone and buried by now, but apparently that isn’t the case.
The Trump Supreme Court lifted restrictions on roving patrols and racial profiling on immigration stops, but you better believe they weren’t talking about people wearing lederhosen and alpine hats. The Supreme Court also allowed Trump to fire the FTC commissioner, which of course goes against precedent. It would go against precedent to shut the whole place down and walk away, but here we are.
Gops take their tit for tat for tit with Dems to Defcon 2 on Monday. Chuck Schumer tells them they might rue the day that they go Defcon 1… RUE He tells ya! Want to know more about “Discharge Petition No. 9”? Discharge procedure in the House? The travails and tribulations of House Resolution 581? Don’t ask me! David knows about all that stuff.
One thing that David did not know is that Missouri Democrats are holding a sit-in to protest a special session to redraw their congressional map. Now we all do!
David Waldman catches us up on the multiple disasters since Friday. Greg Dworkin catches us up on the multiple disasters since Thursday.
Boooo! Trump was booooooooed at the US Open. If they don’t want to hear boos, they shouldn’t invite Trump. Or Winsome Earle-Sears.
Tiny hands, deep throat, Donald K. Trump was an FBI Snitch according to Mike Johnson, the last guy anyone would trust to keep a secret. The Miami Herald and New York Times seek to unseal records on Jeffrey Epstein’s estate, while we all know that Jeffrey Epstein and everyone on the Epstein list has been brought to you by capitalism.
Zohran Mamdanimentum continues as Americans are beginning to see capitalism about as badly as they do Trump.
LG Energy specialists squeezed into 90+ day rotations to set up a Hyundai battery plant in Georgia were caught in violation of that “+” part, were belly-chained and hauled out of the country. The plant they were setting up won’t be hiring Americans any time soon, thanks to Karen-Republican Mar-a-Lago wannabe Tori Branum. Don’t expect to hear more from Branum but do expect a lot more plants to be shut down.
The Department of War begins its Midway Blitz, which is not a war, it is simply a police action. Why do so many Republicans think Trump is more liberal than he is?
If people die in Florida because of lack of vaccines, it will be a surprise to Florida Surgeon General Ladapo. RFK Jr. will have seen it all coming, as he always does a year or so later. The American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists will save lives in the future by ignoring the CDC today.
Ironically, the owner of one of the most punchable faces in politics, Scott Bessent, keeps wanting to punch others in their faces. This time it was the quite punchable Bill Pulte and for the same reason as Scott picked ever punchable Elon Musk. Scott heard both were bad mouthing him to Donald. Scott almost took Bill out, back there on the cement slab they have over the White House septic tank.
E. Jean Carroll won her judgement against Trump again.
David Waldman opens up the Friday Firehose!
Donald K. Trump will sign an order renaming small condoms to “large”. Also, war is “peace” and Pete Hegseth and Ronny Jackon are “sober”. Our friends are becoming our enemies, and our enemies are... still our enemies, but becoming each other’s friends. Russia still likes appreciates enjoys us, though.
So much for moving jobs back to the US, as construction of a Hyundai plant was halted when ICEISIS apprehended 500 workers. Children were almost kidnapped to Guatemala, but Judge Sparkle Sooknanan said NO at 4 AM Sunday Labor Day morning.
Folks around the White House sure have been kicking themselves about the Abrego Garcia case, especially in the way they allowed Garcia to continue to exist. This oversight has been rectified for all future cases, beginning with 11 never-to-be-interviewed guys in a little skiff off the coast of Venezuela. Navy SEALs encountered a bunch of North Korean witnesses in 2019, and you don’t see Senators or the Times parading them around, do you?
ICEISIS is adding the DSS. Stephen Miller gets his own SS but has yet to receive one of those cool double-breasted leather overcoats. You’d think that Miller and Generalissimo Trump could afford to start wearing something more media friendly to be seen on their friendly media. Posse Comitatus might bring about POTUS interruptus.
Anyone who has ever taken more than one from the “Take One” bowl will face consequences in this administration. Almost anyone.
None of the 15 Epstein binder-carrying influencers showed up to support the victims yesterday. Marjorie Taylor Greene will be happy to read the Epstein list in Congress as she knows that only those people that she wants to uncover will be contained in the list that she will be reading.
Arrogant science-denying paranoid kook anti-vaxxing shrivel-pizzle RFK Jr. aggravated the entire Senate yesterday.
The Trump administration is now stealing ideas from South Park, while Trump poaches Fox News of valuable racist talent. Meanwhile, an incredibly lifelike Melania Trump welcomed our new robot overlords.
David Waldman calls 'em like he sees 'em. Greg Dworkin calls 'em like they was. But they ain't nothin' till KITM calls 'em.
Roll call! Thomas Massie is joined by empathetic Democrats and a few traumatized Republicans in a discharge petition to force a floor vote on his “Epstein Files Transparency Act.” Nancy Mace was so shaken that she almost forgot who her daddy was. Epstein survivors float release of an unofficial client list, but with all this talk of Epstein victims, will anyone remember the Epstein victors?
RFK Jr. tried to sell Senators his snake oil but found few takers. Florida Surgeon General Joseph Ladapo earned his Black Florida Republican bonafides, urging Floridians to earn their PhDs in virology before it’s too late. The West Coast Health Alliance will ally to maintain west coast health. Putin, Xi and Kim aren’t waiting around and are planting their organ orchards today.
Harvard wins! Trump’s freeze on research funds was declared unconstitutional. Where did you get the idea that they’ve been losing all this time? Probably from the same place that led you to believe this was all about antisemitism, when the DOJ’s lawyer is a Nazi-stan?
Trump is making the losers taking votes from Andrew Cuomo into winners in the hopes of stemming the irrepressible Zohran Mamdanimentum.
NASA’s problem has never been a lack of brilliant people; it is their lack of hardball lobbyists. Job cuts are the worst since the pandemic, and you wonder why Trump is blowing up boats?
David Waldman brings us the Wednesday KITM, on Wednesday, as expected, and as expected on a Wednesday,Greg Dworkin, who’s here to ask, “Health and wellness, but whose?” Well, not yours, that’s for sure.
This month RFK Jr. plans to announce which of the four humors is responsible for autism, but Bob is definitely certain that most children could use at least a little letting. Meanwhile, Donald K. Trump is dead, he just doesn’t know it yet because he hasn’t seen it on TV. It turns out that when Donald was seen doing his “Stanky Leg” in public, it wasn’t all about his stanky leg... It might have been even worse, if you can imagine that. By the way, Trump will only die when the majority of MAGA says he has, so look for that in maybe in a few generations.
Sadly, for Donald, the Nobel Committee only hands out their prize on the 10th war averted, and it doesn’t seem that Vlad will be punching his ticket on that. Xi Jinping sends a message to Trump, the message that he just doesn’t know how to throw a cool parade.
Jeffreeeeey Epsteiiiiiiin! Trump sends the US vuvuzela corps over to the capital today, but if that’s not enough he can always blow up some more boatloads of Venezuelan citizens.
Are you doing your part? ICE agents across the nation sure are doing theirs, and most are getting away with it, as long as they hide their identities a little. Trump will take over Chicago, NYC, and Greenland as soon as he gets rid of that TACO creeping up his spine. Gov. Kathy Hochul is getting used to defying Trump and accepting Zohran Mamdani.
The Fifth Circuit rejects Trump’s wartime deportation baloney, while Jeanine Pirro dejectedly sucks down another wine box as grand juries award her yet another “no bill prize”.
The USDA is cutting farmers loose from more supervision, while oyster farmer Graham Platner fights the oligarchy. Space Command moves to Alabama, which is more proof that we are in the wrong timeline.
David Waldman and KITM are back to begin the month that will most likely end with a government shutdown, which sounds bad only if you consider what we have now to be better than nothing.
Donald K. Trump cancelled $4.9B in foreign aid under the Presidential “Taksies Backsies” Rule. Many say that he can’t do that. Only 5 are actually required to say that he can do that.
Trump says that he captured $8 Trillion in tariff revenue, which would have been much bigger had he’d been able to pronounce the names of numbers bigger than a trillion. Trump also stated that Washington DC is crime free and that he’s never felt better. That’s why the stock market doesn’t seem to mind. Things are never what Trump says, he’ll always TACO, and there’ll always be somebody in the Fed to protect them. US commerce secretary Howard Lutnick has nepo babied investment firm Cantor Fitzgerald, which has his sons become richer with every TACO Trump serves.
RFK Jr. knows mitochondria like Trump knows blockchain, in that they know that their ignorance will only kill you.
Hey, it's Labor Day, and you know what that means! Well, it might mean that Trump is dead, but probably not. It does, however, mean that you're getting less Greg Dworkin today. Also, less me!
But because we're bringing you our September 3, 2024 episode to keep you company for the holiday, and because September 3, 2024 was a Tuesday, you'll get to hear good ol' Joan McCarter's voice again!
If you're wondering why I started the summary so oddly, well, you'll get it once you see how the summary for the original show went. You see, it started like this...
Hey, it’s the day after Labor Day, and you know what that means! For one, it means that it’s Tuesday, which means that not only is David Waldman back live, but so is Joan McCarter! Also, it’s the day that millions across the nation awake in the morning, crawl out of their burrows, see their shadows, and realize the need to figure out who they will vote for. Kamala Harris and Tim Walz have already risen to the challenge, while Donald Trump and JD Vance extended their weekend.
By the way, Snopes states that no one has yet verified that the specimen jars carried by Trump supporters contained “fake” JD Vance semen… I guess they need local couch cushions for a match? That awkwardly segues us into Trump’s promise to make government socialistically provide IVF treatments for gay couples and single cat ladies. Good for him! Although Donald might not have considered how his stance might affect IUI families, and the sensibilities of his Vice President, or even his previous Vice President. Meanwhile, the Harris-Walz team heads to Florida with a clearer stance.
September also is the beginning of Congress’s legislative sprint, although there really wasn’t anything keeping them from starting earlier. House Gops now have only a few weeks left to impeach Joe Biden.
If you had time set aside to head to Bedminster to attend the gala in honor of January 6th rioters, or have your photo taken giving a thumbs up standing on Donald Trump’s freshly dug grave, you will be disappointed as both events have been again postponed.
Public school teachers, already overworked and underpaid, are now expected to perform surprise sex change operations on their students.
David Waldman pines for the Virginia fjords around this time of year and can only deny his wanderlust two more hours before this three-day weekend.
Generalissimo Donald K. Trump will keep hosting military parades until everyone salutes. The Navy version should have better floats of course and will feature dancing Sea Cadets, escorting the beautiful new giant Ashli Babbitt balloon, along with musical guest Gloria Gaynor riding on the Robert E. Lee memorial float, brought to you by that “King of Beers”, Pete Hegseth.
ICEISIS are icing themselves out. You can now spot them by looking for the “47” tattoo next to their “88”.
You knew that with the Trump administration it’d be only a matter of time before there would be a Federal Boob Inspector. Speaking of Tatas, Anthony Tata, retired brigadier general, practicing racist Islamophobe, and acting Pentagon lacky, has been connected in a few ways to the internet’s most notorious astrologer, Amy Tripp.
If New Jersey got rid of Alina Habba when they should have, they wouldn’t be in the trouble that they are in today.
Trump cancels Kamala Harris’ Secret Service detail as he’d hate to see anyone live longer than him.
Greenland is all bothered just because the US is looking into toppling their government. Trump says, Relax guy! You should see what we have planned for Alaska!
Gop Mark Alford goes to town halls to lie, thinking that his constituents understood that. Lies are bad for science, etc. so scientists etc. are moving to Blue Sky.
Ready or not, David Waldman and Greg Dworkin are here with the latest news for Thursday.
Yep, another cloud of another mass shooting. More angels lost. More terror and tears. More calls for gun control. The anti-trans trans anti-Trump pro-Russian pro-second amendment mass murderer is simply a despicable person in a despicable world.
Therefore, no flag burning, or something like that. No flags burnt, but Susan Collins was greeted with patriotism just yesterday.
U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention Director Susan Monarez has been fired, followed by the resignation of CDC Chief Dr. Demetre Daskalakis and several other top CDC officials who recognize the existential threat of RFK Jr. and Donald Trump. Dr. Greg Dworkin shares the medical term he prefers for those who threaten the health of people for their own political and personal gain.
The Supreme Court allows Donald K. Trump to act upon any of his deeply held whims, so he’s been having a lot of those lately. Federal Reserve Governor Lisa Cook is officially challenging their interpretation.
ICEISIS agents rescued a forest fire from undocumented immigrants in Washington state.
Trump introduces DEI for US tech companies. Even if it’s a good idea, Trump will find a way to ruin it.
David Waldman and Greg Dworkin regroup here at the top of the week and help work out our next move.
Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce got engaged on my birthday, thus making that date easier for everyone to remember.
Pseudo-president Trump is crypto-president from now on.
In happy news for crackers, the cracker barrel returns to Cracker Barrel. Could a one-week feint towards a clipart logo be a publicity stunt to replace their dying customer base with MAGA hardcore? If so, expect Red Lobster’s rebrand as “Red State”.
Cops: DC is really cleaning up the town as the interdepartmental queue forms behind each potential jaywalking bust. Anyhow, it’s all the arresting that counts, not the crime. Maybe a nice train station to play with will keep them busy.
OK, Doomer. ICEISIS may feel like it’s around every corner (because that’s the intent) but that doesn’t mean that you have to give up. Democrats lead the U.S. House generic by 8 points, and in real-life very-red Iowa, Catelin Drey won by 11, in a district Trump carried by 11. It happened there, and it should be happening everywhere.
The US might be involved with attempting to destabilize a sovereign democracy! Shocking, right? Greenland might be asking for it, but that doesn’t mean it’s giving Donald consent to grab it by the windfarms.
European postal services are holding your mail. You’ll need to stop by and pick it up.
Delulu DOGE dropped skibidi Social Security numbers… AnD fanum tax bro!
Kilmar Abrego Garcia has a decision to make. Either Trump’s penis is tiny, and Kilmar goes to Uganda, or it is not tiny, and he goes to Costa Rica. All of the federal judges in Maryland avoid rendering a verdict on Trump’s tiny penis… for now.
Happy birthday to me! And to David Waldman, yesterday. Remember, it’s never too late to send belated birthday greetings or cash!
Donald K. Trump, in a move so indefensible that the New York Times can barely defend it, is “firing” Federal Reserve Governor Lisa Cook, which of course Trump “shouldn’t”, in fact, "can't" do, for something that he himself has done time and time again…
Lisa Cook will fight back, although a public statement on her part regarding Donald’s not-tiny penis would clear her today. Satire has become standard diplomatic art of the deal nowadays. Kilmar Ábrego García unfortunately has found himself the measure of Trump’s manhood… and just as likely to disappear.
Speaking of shrinkage, If Alina Habba’s appointment is held illegal, a lot more could be. Fulton County Georgia commissioners are standing against tyranny and aren’t yet in Uganda, and every federal judge in Maryland now can sleep easier tonight.
David Waldman is older than he used to be! By an entire year somehow! Congratulations! Also… Armando! Greg Dworkin is completely different of course, and so is his Raft O’ Stories™, although they could all be a distraction from the real story.
The Zohran Mamdanimentum keeps growing, because it’s fun and Zohran is having fun and New Yorkers are a fun-loving bunch. Similarly, Gavin Newsomentum is building, even though there are Dems out there whose anxiety builds when they see too much fun going on and would like to remind you here in August 2025 that you don’t “have to” vote for Gavin in November 2028 if you don’t want to. Expect Trump to drop the word “CUCK” into his posts soon in order to get ahead of Newsom comparisons.
Or Trump could just have Gavin arrested. Time for some legal problems for Chris Christie. Time for some legal problems for every federal judge in Maryland. Gorsuch and Kavanaugh note that none of these people are either of them.
Kilmar Abrego Garcia could inspire this administration to reinstitute crucifixion. Let’s pour one out for two Fulton County Dems, Dana Barrett and Mo Ivory, protectors of democracy and presently unincarcerated.
Trump will obviously send troops into Chicago. Not because he needs to, but because he wants to. Cheating is so fun that it might not matter if it actually works.
Soon we will all have something to cry about. US consumers with prime credit are starting to fall behind in their payments. Millions are being pushed off of Medicaid and Obamacare, no matter what they are being told now. And COVID isn’t going away, but the vaccine is.
Years of effort have finally paid off. Nancy Mace has finally worn out her welcome.
David Waldman delivers us to Friday, where long reads and in-depth analysis are intended to be the order of the day… But first we need to address this whole Cracker Barrel thing.
You’d think that a Cracker Barrel logo change would only upset some crackers, but it turns out to be a big money-losing deal. Or perhaps it was losing big money that led to the logo change. Maybe it was their peg game. Maybe it was the racism. Maybe it was the sexual harassment, the salmonella, and the racism. Cracker Barrel will need a really good logo to get out of this one, or a high White House loyalty rating. Otherwise, it will end up on the ash heap of history with the Smithsonian.
Bad Boys, Bad Boys, whacha gonna do? Donald K. Trump guest stars on Cops: DC while across town the FBI raids John Bolton’s home and office. Fannie Mae’s Pulte/Palantir crime detection unit is powered by AI, DOGE and spite.
A federal judge found that Alina Habba is unlawfully serving as US attorney for New Jersey before Alina was even halfway to the “Mar-a-Lago” in her Botox treatments. Ironically, all lawyers now become busier.
A New York appeals court gives Trump a lift in his goal of appealing his way to the grave. Donald TACOs out of his vengeance upon flag burners and voters but will stick with Tina Peters until the bitter end as long as it’s profitable.
David Waldman and Greg Dworkin bring us the latest in news and opinion. By the way… Jeffrey Epstein!
At least James Dobson is dead.
Gavin C. Newsom (Gorgeous) has been hand selected (Some say RIGGED) by God to return AMERICA’s democracy and Democracy to the “USA”.
Of course, in 2028, Gavin’s policy stands and personal aptitude for the presidency will be of utmost… Hello? You do remember 2015, right? As do the people behind the Gavin Newsom Press Office, Camile Zapata and Izzy Gardon. That’s the long game. The short game sees the majority of Democrats backing California’s counter-gerrymandering of Texas as a good thing. California’s Supreme Court is stepping out of the way.
So, what is Donald K. Trump really up to in Washington? Nothing, as usual, and no good, as usual. Who to better represent Trump than the three most hated stooges in American history, Stephen Miller, Pete Hegseth and JD Vance? DC’s criminals better watch out, the new gang means business.
Elise Stefanik knows that she’s hated by most of her constituents, Democrat and Republican, but she will never rest until she earns the antipathy of each person in her district.
The Freedom Caucus is heading into various sunsets in the next couple of years.
Fannie Mae chair Bill Pulte is weaponizing Palantir-DOGE hacked Fannie Mae computers against any Democrat with two houses. (probably)
Walmart is now offering a high price guarantee, while jobs slowly head for the cliff. No one does not see the crash coming. Trump wants the Fed to let him squeeze out the last bit before it all ends.
No matter how you slice it, Mamdanimentum rolls through NYC.
Next week: Jeffrey Epstein!
David Waldman returns to Wednesday and finds Greg Dworkin there waiting for him. Greg knows Pi to five decimal places, so why don’t we elect him?
Not enough people like Democrats, but enough do for them to beat Republicans. Donald K. Trump is helping pull down Gops in every way imaginable, in almost every place imaginable. Frank Serpico hopes to see a Zohran Mandani movie someday. The Mamdanimentum seems unstoppable. Elise Stefanik seems stoppable.
Trump’s no angel… yet... but the mainstream media would rather we all went to hell. Trump estimates that the US is the only country that uses mail-in voting. He figures that if his buddy Bibi is a war hero, he must be too. Of course, his buddy Vlad is a war criminal…
If the National Guard can open carry in DC, Jeanine Pirro will allow regular citizens to carry shotguns and rifles as long as they carry them patriotically. A police officer in Maine could tell that he’s not Jeanine’s type. ICE denied a parking spot cooled off by kicking some Latinos.
Dan Bongino is assigned a babysitter, while it takes a village for Pete Hegseth.
Tuesday! David Waldman! KITM!
Can you imagine anything more condescending or patronizing than telling a world leader that today his suit is more acceptable to you? Maybe not you, but you aren’t Donald K. Trump. Yesterday, in between the times that Trump was waiting for European dignitaries to quit talking about him, he managed to work in something nasty for each person in the room. When he ran out of insults, he just left them there to call up BFF Vlad Putin and talk behind their back. Donald did learn a few things from the meeting, of course not the things people wanted him to. Gops used to support mail-in voting, back when they thought they had to support voting.
Trump wants 14-year-olds arrested. Married. Pregnant. Trump wants 14-year-olds…
The Feds are taking control of everything in DC. They have no plans to give anything back.
Many judges openly doubt this administration. Somehow, those judges aren’t the ones being assigned to his cases.
A large houseplant has been taken from the White House, unfortunately it is not Trump.
Former Georgia Lt. Gov. Geoff Duncan says he likes ethics and decency, hears that Democrats might vote for that stuff.
As today’s KITM plays in a box in the corner of the screen, David Waldman watches and comments. This, in turn, plays in the corner of the screen that Greg Dworkin watches and comments upon, and they are in the corner of the screen that I watch and comment upon. Here’s where you come in.
Greg dredges up another Raft O’ Stories™ out of the x-sewers. Good news! Through the alchemy of Blue Sky, I have magically changed each of those posts into gold.
More good news! Donald K. Trump did not sell Alaska to Vlad! Well, he might have given it away to him, or just left the deed somewhere, but the whole point of this yak-fest was a strategy session to take on the leader of the free world and fashion king, Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelensky. Their strategy seems to be bringing JD “Just Dance” Vance as his “muscle”. At this moment Trump is selling Zelensky on switching Ukraine to high-flush toilets.
Meanwhile, members of ICE ISIS roam the streets of our capitol, pretty much finding criminals around every corner. Restaurants only wish they could find some of those liberated customers, who, along with students, are now sheltering-in-place.
The US might still look like a good place to, say, Gazans, but not if Laura Loomer has anything to say about it.
Pity Kristi Noem! Now she can’t take off work early to lay that married sexual assaulter Corey Lewandowski in her free house confiscated from a political enemy without everybody being up in her business. Department of Justice Special Attorney Ed Martin personifies the weaponization of Federal government by dressing as McGruff the Crime Dog and lurking outside the home of New York Attorney General Letitia James.
MS NOW! You got to hope Gloria Steinem sues. Rogan just figured out what everyone else knew about.. anything, really. Does this mean that the national pendulum is swinging back to smart from dumb? Probably not, but more of them could be voting Democratic.
David Waldman delivers us to another end of another week before Donald sells Vladimir Friday.
Folks with oceanfront properties around Odessa and Juneau better start packing. Donald K. Trump is up north and in an Art of the Deal mood with some picky customers today, including Co-President Vlad Putin, and is itching to swap some land and lives for a Nobel prize.
Donald loves free gold flattery, and he’s not too proud to beg for it. Hey, who does Trump have to blow up for a peace prize around here? After she wins one, Hillary Clinton will let Donald look at hers. (From a distance.)
While various Trump screwballs hog the spotlight, Kari Lake has been quietly amassing criminal violations. Honest, officers, she IS the acting overseer of Voice of America! Paperwork, man! Former Trump lawyer Abbe Lowell brings experience to Letitia James and Hunter Biden. One way or another Letitia James is going to jail. Judge Jeb Boasberg will regret privately hinting that there might be a concern that something could ever be illegal.
Paperwork does often disagree with Trump, but it is numbers that are his true enemy. Out goes the 6th IRS commissioner in seven months... but who’s counting? (If they want to keep their job.) People who do persist in using numbers can’t see Trump’s economic miracle happening right around them. Soon, all companies will be Trump.
David Waldman and Greg Dworkin are together again, one more time until we’re all seeing Russia from our house.
Donald K. Trump always wants a crisis, which is the only manufacturing job booming in the US, thanks to pansies like Tim Burchett, hiding in his DC office because his Tennessee office would be too dadgum dangerous, brother. Spirit Halloween costume come to life, Markwayne Mullin, needs to really hydrate to pee his pants so constantly. (Speaking of shitty neighborhoods, get out of ExTwitter, and follow the Editorial Board on Blue Sky. They have the exact same posts, but they smell better.)
Remember kids, when throwing a sandwich has the same penalty as throwing a brick, don’t waste your food!
Trump’s choice to run the Bureau of Labor Statistics might look like he ties women to railroad tracks, but the White House swears he wasn’t a January 6th terrorist… not that there’s anything wrong with that.
But, now we’re WINNING! At this moment. Famine or feast now might be irrelevant at election. Short-term thinking is destroying America and playing into Trump’s tiny hands, according to these headlines, I mean, tldr!
Trump would not have to be a dictator if you’d just do what you’re told. Maybe he’ll run for re-election in 2026 if he’s feeling cute. Some Gops want to wait for a little more totalitarianism before they redistrict. Dems would redistrict, but feel uncomfortable winning that much. What do the polls say? Whatever you want them to… mostly what Trump wants them to. (Ron Brownstein would be on Blue Sky, but you playin’.) Whoever wins Civil War II, moderates should be the first ones up against the wall.
David Waldman and Greg Dworkin take us over the wacko Wednesday hump.
Winning! That will be the only conclusion you’ll ever be able to draw about the US, from any US source from now on. Everything that the government says henceforth will be consistently useless for every citizen. Stats, science, history, and art will first pass through Donald K. Trump, and those who don’t come back for seconds will regret it. (Speaking of crap, don’t go to that site. Ron Brownstein, Bruce Bartlett, and of course, Justin Wolfers are on Blue Sky. Heck, you can watch Justin Wolfers on MSNBC, on somebody else’s TV, on bsky.app!
Trump wants to know students’ race to make certain that the wrong ones don’t get extra. The NIH will pivot away from mRNA vaccines, not because they don’t work, but because of vibes. Their vibes. CDC projects and careers are shot down as bullets come through their windows.
Skateboarders beware! A military presence in Washington DC won’t stop murders, car jackings or arson on any block where they aren’t standing, and the bubble boys will still be afraid to come out, but DC did vote for Kamala, therefore a bronze likeness of Big Balls will need to be placed at the base of the Washington Monument.
Political polls (BTW, follow Political Polls on Blue Sky) indicate some good things upcoming for Dems. Latinos still surviving in the United States are beginning to sour on the Gop. WARs and WARPs are the MVPs. Mamdanimentum is being fueled by Cuomo and Trump, as a list of their scandals can fill a dozen ads.
Forget The Apprentice. Ghislaine Maxwell is the reigning champion on The Price is Right, and it’s looking good for the Showcase Showdown. Russia, Russia, Russia!
Usha Vance may not hate JD now, but why wait on the divorce?
Marjorie Taylor Greene makes more than 30 times what she did when she was first elected. How? Go to hell! Maybe her buddy Laura Loomer can take her there.
David Waldman does his Tuesday KITM thing. As you are doing, right now.
Donald K. Trump, that little ‘Gyna-tease, taco’d his China tariffs into Christmas buying season. As if he’d ever cross Xi Jinping, who’s quite a pussy-grabber himself. Trump’s off to Alaska, but he’s already given away his planned Putin bargaining chip.
Meh, Trump is a bigger commie than the two of them put together, and a true innovator of corruption. Donald’s the Thomas Edison of Harold Hills, the Elon Musk of Elon Musks. He’s earned every cyberpenny he’s soaked from the rubes, no matter how many that may be. Who better, then, to crack down on crime? At least, the crime of being scary, young, brown, and/or homeless and in the line of sight of old, white, pussies, and/or tourists.
It’s hard to fight back against fear, hate, bigotry... and cops. Republicans are getting used to being hated, maybe... a little turned on, maybe they’ll pass a couple more mega-bills and see how that feels.
JD Vance must love being hated. Why else would he hang around Usha?
Monday and David Waldman return to varying degrees of anticipation.
Greg Dworkin hauls in his latest Raft O’ Stories™ out of the fetid morass of ExTwitter. Let’s say that place sucks and you don’t like it. If so, you can follow Adam Carlson, Jacob Kornbluh, Lakshya Jain, Justin Wolfers, Scott Lincicome, Brian Rosenwald, John J. Harwood, and Jonathan Robinson on... BLUE SKY! You won’t find Andrew Cuomo there, but that’s not a bad thing.
The Zohran Mamdanimentum seems unstoppable. If Andrew Cuomo wasn’t Andrew Cuomo he might have a chance, but the more people know about Andrew Cuomo, the more they want Zohran Mamdani. Donald K. Trump wants New Yorkers to think of Trump when they see Cuomo. The “think of Trump” strategy might work for Democrats in 2026, but not forever.
Good news! If the US goes post-apocalyptic in the next few months, the Dems will be shoe-ins! Trump promised you that other countries would pay the cost of Tariffs… but did you get that in writing? The only thing Donald ever gets in writing are NDFs. If Trump doesn’t agree to anything he can claim anything.
Trump is replacing the CHIPS act because it worked, it was Biden’s, and he wasn’t getting a taste, which is called “state capitalism with Soprano's characteristics”.
Trump is now aiming his Epstein-Class missiles at any “drug cartels” of any country who haven’t nominated him for a Nobel recently. Winsome Earle-Sears blows reveille while the Feds march like Sherman through DC. Meanwhile, Donald’s crack “SS” Troops (Sydney Sweeney) infiltrate our beloved internet arguments.
David Waldman is back! No wait, I was gone, he was here. At least it’s Friday, right?
A good guy without a gun stopped a bad guy with a gun at a place with a lot of guns.
It sounds as if Trump oversold his trade deals a bit. He does have a tendency to overstate things. Trump showed reporters a poster with a line and numbers no one has ever seen before. Winning!
Trump appointees sacked Judge James Boasberg’s contempt order against other Trump officials, prompting Senator Sheldon Whitehouse to explain the problem to Chief Justice John Roberts, who dropped the letter in the TLDR file, as he has some elections to rig.
DOJ senior advisor Jared Wise, called police “Nazi” and demanded their murder… but that was back when he was an impressionable youngster of four or so years ago.
WNBA players aren’t paid what they are worth but certainly don’t need some incels’ hand-me-down dildos. Don Jr. gave his dad a dildo along with all the Skibidi rizz that, of course, entails.
It’s Thursday! That means Greg Dworkin is on his way out the door for the weekend! That’s OK. Congress is gone all month.
Which might be why Democrats in that body aren’t doing what the latest “centrist” pundit says they ought to be doing… which is, of course, praising Trump.
But under no circumstances must you hand it to Trump!
The “idea,” we gather, stems from the Old School Media Playbook, which instructs that if a president says it and then it happens, it’s a “win.” Even if it’s an obvious disaster. But this particular “idea” also rests on multiple false assumptions. Like that Democrats have no electoral support. (They do.) Or that Trump is popular. (He’s not.) Or that his “policies” are wise and well-considered. (They’re not.) Or that members of his party benefit politically from his leadership. (They don’t.)
Nope. He’s the same guy he’s always been. Plotting a coverup of his sex scandals. Firing people who won’t do his dirty work, or lie for his benefit. You know, the usual.
Meanwhile, in Gotham… where Eric Adams is already corrupted by Trump, Andrew Cuomo seeks Trump’s counsel. And adds one of the least-respected consultants in the country to his team of duds, which is sure to make things worse.
But he might not even be the dumbest Cuomo of the day!
On the Jeffrey Epstein front: Jeffrey Epstein, Jeffrey Epstein, Jeffrey Epstein!
Is there anything that can make this worse? Sure! Woody Allen!
While we’re on the topic of public pervos, there’s still more (mysteriously less-than-disastrous) news about MAGA trainwreck Cory Mills.
Why is this news less than disastrous, anyway? IOKIYAR, as the olds used to say, when they were young.
If we have to keep talking about Jeffrey Epstein, then at least let us hear more Tom Lehrer!
Well, with Greg Dworkin on hand to round up the day’s news, that’s never a problem!
Unless you’re Donald Trump, that is. Because people think that guy sucks! Though it may just be worse given his bad timing. Of course, it could also be, you know, his “policies.” Or his policy of firing people who report statistics indicating that his policies suck. Or pulling out all the stops to rig the system, all while crying loudly that it’s rigged against him. Or just maybe, the leopards he keeps sending to eat his voters’ faces.
Or maybe lots of Republicans are going to “get Flooded” when the time comes, whomever or wherever they may be.
Given how bad the landscape is for Trump and his Republicans, why would any Democrat or independent ever fall into the trap of praising him?
Something happened to “Big Balls.” We’re just not sure exactly what. But we know it’s being used as an excuse for yet another moment of Trump extremism.
But don’t let the extremism distract you from the revisionism! Whether at home or abroad. Really, you can’t miss either the revisionism or the egotism. Soon enough, it’ll be on display before the entire world. Know who else used the same play?
Federal judges are getting fed up, though. And they won’t play. Learn about the “presumption of regularity,” how Trump killed it, and what happens when it’s gone.
It’s No Structure Tuesday, in the Second Trump Era! And a reality TV personality-turned-government official says they’re gonna put a nuclear reactor on the moon. And it wasn’t even the orange one!
That’s the kind of day it’s been.
Wait, here’s something more random and even dumber: Murdery Traitor Greene is lobbying Trump to commute George Santos’ sentence. At just 11 days into a 7+ year stretch.
And if you believe that one, try imagining her leaving the Republican Party. Ha ha! Yeah. Sure, Jan. How could she ever leave when she’s still actively calling for Democrats to be investigated and arrested for… the 2020 election, Epstein, and… January 6th! Democrats!
Pam Bondi, meanwhile, is back to investigating Democrats for… the 2016 election. Some grand jury, somewhere, is purportedly being convened by someone, to investigate… something. You know. Things!
Returning to the lengthy profile of DOGE’s 23-year-old-in-charge-of-erasing-distinguished-careers, others are asking just how many people it can be said this Wunderkind killed. Good job, homeschooling!
On the “international” front, Trump continues to say the world “deals” a lot. Are they “deals,” though? And are “deals” (as Trump defines the word) even a good thing in this context?
Would he know how to evaluate a “good deal” even if he was capable of making one? Does it count if he just makes it all up?
Stay tuned!
I mean, the answer is “no,” but stay tuned to hear us say it some more, anyway.
It’s Monday! That means Greg Dworkin was here. And it means there was a weekend catch-up marathon on Trump’s “volatile side,” via the Abbreviated Pundit Roundup, and another installment in our more-popular-than-the-actual-hosts Tom Lehrer retrospective.
Texas Republicans are redistricting. Yes, again! Or at least trying to. Dems are absenting themselves in order to deny them a quorum. Yes, again! Greg Abbott, meanwhile, says he’s trying to absent them from office.
Trump’s stupid “policies” are starting to make the economy suck, and everybody knows it. So, you have to fire the knowers, or at least the tellers, starting from the top. Just like successful countries like Argentina do. Will that be enough to help MAGA forget about having their faces eaten by leopards?
Perhaps, one day, their children will forget. If they ever have any.
Everybody’s been talking about this blockbuster dissection of a Dem fundraising black hole operation. And everybody’s angry! But you may be pleased to know there’s a plan to make fundraising black holes angry, too.
You thought Greg wasn’t going to say anything about the NYC mayoral race? Duh! They just polled the local space laser enthusiasts, to see what they’re thinking.
You thought Greg wasn’t going to say anything about Epstein? Duh! Well, actually he didn’t. But he meant to! Trump’s hoping a different shiny object will distract people. Only this one’s about Obama, and not everyone thinks that’s so shiny, anymore. But dumbasses do! We’ll never run out of dumbasses!
Not while one of ‘em is president, anyway!
(Remember when I said he was probably choosing Oval Office portraits for the frames, with no idea who was in the paintings? Well, yeah!)
August! Only 25 Patreon-PayPal-Square Cash shopping days until David Waldman’s birthday! A great time to begin or up your recurring donations to KITM!
What will It cost to renovate the ‘Free’ Qatari Air Force One? Don’t ask… but if you were to ask, it’s around $1billion. Is Trump trying to hide that $1billion price tag? Why, yes, he is. Will Trump try to take it home with him? Why bother to ask? Meanwhile plans are underway for the Trump White House Convention Center and Casino. How much will that cost? Who’ll pay for that? You’re full of questions, aren’t you?
Trump purports to raise tariffs on Canada. Canada says that news is big if true. South Korea says don’t believe it until you see it. Wisconsin Gop Bryan Steil can’t believe his town halls could boo so loud.
Is this any way to run a paper? Jeff Bezos discovers that no, it probably is not.
Brilliant boy genius Luke Farritor ingeniously disemboweled the United States government. It’s up to more mature minds to determine if that is what he “should” have been doing.
David Waldman and Greg Dworkin continue our KITM-wide tribute to Tom Lehrer, who, amongst his many attributes, is copyright free. Leher wasn’t the only political satirist capable of rhyming “Epstein” with “tiny peen”, but definitely one of the best.
Heard any good Jeffrey Epstein news lately? Most Americans want to release the Epstein files. Most Americans think the Epstein files contain "embarrassing" info about Trump. Most Americans believe that Trump was involved in Epstein's crimes.That includes quite a few MAGA-Americans, Moron-Americans, and even a few Moron-MAGA-Americans. The best thing about Jeffrey Epstein news is that there’s so much Jeffrey Epstein news left to report. The DOJ faces a subpoena over the Epstein files by the House Oversight Committee, it’s just that James Comer is in no hurry to sign it.
I can’t afford a Washington Post subscription. Jeff Bezos could make the Washington Post free to subscribers. In fact, Jeff could afford to make the entire Washington Post free if he wanted to and just sail away from it all, no problem.
Trump TACOs on Mexico. Bullshits on Japan. Scams his own voters with Europe.
Laura Loomer will win back Donald’s love by throwing shade at everyone else. Even West Point is too woke for Laura.
HEY YOU GUYS! On KITM today, David Waldman spins the hits and reports the latest local and national Epstein news, with traffic and tsunamis on the 10’s. Today’s topic: Why are people talking more and more about John Stafford?
Greg Dworkin is back, back in the New York groove, poring over the datum within the data of the polling of the upcoming New York City Mayoral election which will be won by Zohran Mamdani. Does Mamdani say things right, or does he say the right things? Democrats are mostly crap at both, but also aren’t Republicans, so there’s that.
The world’s most important mayoral race is under the cloud of a mass shooting, which is not only a test for not-yet-Mayor Mamdani, but he’ll no doubt be graded on everyone else’s mass shootings as well.
Donald K. Trump is probably working on ways to work Zohran into his Epstein conversations. Yesterday, Trump settled the whole Epstein mess by explaining that he caught Jeff stealing all the underage babes he had invested in, stored in the Mar-a-Lago basement, and if there was one motto Donald does not believe in, it’s “Bros before hos”. Trump should sue Epstein for all of the money that he lost to Jeff’s “business” … or he could pardon Diddy. That should do it.
David Walman wraps up our July fund drive as we launch our August fund drive later this week. Subscribers who join at our $400 per month tier will get something, even if I have to crochet or bake it.
Another day, another cloud of a mass-shooting to broadcast from underneath. If Louisiana Gop John Kennedy manages to enact anti-idiot laws, he’ll be the first on the plane to El Salvador. Minnesota cops avoid clouds of mass-shooting, by waiting for the sun to come out.
Trump can’t believe that everyone still wants to talk about Epstein-Epstein-Epstein when instead they should check out his list of Epstein connections, that he personally calls “The Epstein List”. You know who could settle this? The Hannibal Lecter of sex traffickers, Ghislaine Maxwell. The perfect neutral mediator would be Trump’s personal lawyer, now Deputy Attorney General Todd Blanche, the very guy to understand the perspectives and priorities of everyone in this case. Dick Durbin peeks from his hidey-hole to shake his fist.
Whistleblower evidence suggests that Trump judicial nominee Emil Bove misled Senate, therefore Judge James Boasberg will have to pay. They’re soon going to run out of room at Guantanamo at this rate.
Sure, the US seems more criminal and corrupt with each day, but as long as we are graded on the same curve as the Russian Army we’ll be just fine.
Today, David Waldman and Greg Dworkin return to distract you from the real problem, whatever that might be.
Another RIP goes out, this time to Tom Lehrer. Some of you know his math, and a few of you might know his cryptography, but many of you know many of his songs, and you owe it to yourself to know many more. Hopefully, this will be an opportunity for some sort of collaboration with Ozzy Osborne.
Scotland welcomes Donald K. Trump. They say that the K stands for Knuckle-brained fart lozenge. We say they’re welcome to him. Inexplicably, the Scots keep letting him in. Donald saves on strokes by aiming for his caddy’s back pocket.
Independents dislike Trump even more than they dislike Biden. Voters hate what Trump does and hate Democrats for letting him do it.
That darn Epstein! Out there, stealing Trump’s glory and/or distracting from his crimes. Trump opens the borders to violent criminals and mass murderers. It isn’t only that MAGA likes rapists and murderers, but it’s how much they like to rape and murder that makes them so deplorable.
David Waldman is out of here! Almost!
Whacha wanna talk about? How about Jeffery Epstein? Other than ”Trump’s tiny peen”, the “Epstein files” are the country’s most talked about topic. Ghislaine Maxwell is conversant in either subject, of course, but would rather be moving on at this stage. Donald P.P. Trump says he hasn’t “thought about” pardoning Ghislaine and therefore has decided to. That wouldn’t quiet much down, as Gops have arranged to keep talking on the subject through the Fall, the DOJ has more than 100,000 pages' of unreleased Epstein materials, Epstein's estate has his 50th birthday book, Rupert Murdoch gets to testify, and Steven KG Bannon has 15 hours of Epstein interviews... The only way out is for the administration to admit mistakes and defeat… heh, heh.
Or they could blame it on AI. How? Well, they’d have to ask AI. Sam Altman tells investors that the first step would be to create an all-powerful AI, the second step would be instant profit and/or annihilation.
Just kidding. People don’t require something as sophisticated as AI to bamboozle them. You can’t fool Jerome Powell. TACO couldn’t pull one over on him. There’s hope for the future as textbook publishers refuse to go MAGA.
Big MAGA dummy Pete Hick-Seth was sharing secret documents, with “SECRET” written right across them, on Signal after all. If you are a Hegseth aide looking to steal a little valor, hurry, your time might be limited. On the other hand, old work buddy Mike Waltz did find himself a new gig as UN ambassador...
Mar-a-Lago classified documents witnesses picked up $310,000 tip from the RNC, probably tax-free.
Instead of Trump’s tiny peen, check out his big, beautiful deal with Japan, although the more you do look at it, the less impressive it becomes.
David Waldman and Greg Dworkin wish you all a joyous and/or contemplative Pioneer Day this year, along with the other 364. (Coincidentally, Jeffery Epstein’s motto was “Bring ‘em young!”)
Many questions remain unanswered following Epstein’s untimely demise, but one thing is certain: Donald FN Trump’s name is all over the Epstein files, and he knows it. Gops sneak out the back door and hope no one notices. Democrats follow them out and hope everyone notices. Thus, we are only about a week away from Ghislaine Maxwell’s mysterious death in, or miraculous release from, prison.
Sedation, stat! Donald’s meds need to be upped. Tulsi Gabbard makes the US take one for Team Trump. Why supply evidence when the boss says you have proof? Is Trump's treason accusation a confession? Ya figure? Trump pulls a reverse-Jesus and sins so that his followers may live to sin.
Gop Mike Lawler will hide in the House, barking, rather than challenge Governor Kathy Hochul.
Donald K. Trump is… unpopular, especially among independents, but generally with everyone.
David Waldman and Greg Dworkin boost us over any number of humps today.
Renown reality TV star/Trump critic/frequent Zakk Wylde bandmate Ozzy Osborne has died at age 76, too soon for most people, but especially for an artist who transformed so many genres while defining his own.
Not RIP-ing anytime soon is Jeffery Epstein, who is receiving an amazing number of coverups for a guy who didn’t wear pants half the time. Mike Johnson believed that he could put a fig leaf on anything, but not when even MAGA wants a peek. Congrats go out to Tulsi Gabbard for coming up with a way to keep her paychecks coming during these difficult times. Trump is now wondering who he needs to push out a window to make this all stop.
We told you that Alina Habba wasn’t going to keep her job as top federal prosecutor in New Jersey, but the administration is working to make us pre-wrong on that prediction. We also told you about John A. Sarcone III, who is either acting US attorney or assistant to himself, and Albany resident or ghost of the local haunted house.
Trump and Japan are signing off on the HUGEST deal ever made, estimated at coming in somewhere between worse and better than nothing. Similarly, drug prices will be set to net consumers up to $150 for each dollar that they spend. I might become a Trumper if this turns out to be true. The rise of Democrats in polls shows that most are not betting on it.
Elon Musk will really need to turn up his folksy charm if he wants to get his third party off the ground.
David Waldman brings us the latest old news. That is, it only seems like old news. Trump remains deplorable, as his deplorables keep finding out. But even David’s random country generator for potential Trump hassling seems stuck on several African nations, although Donald might be first to admit that when it comes to African countries, they’re all just a bunch of Nigers to him.
Remember Jeffery Epstein? Epstein’s posthumous celebrity is so hot right now, that people are even beginning to recall Ghislaine Maxwell. The Gop House is working so hard to forget Jeff that they have completely forgotten that they are elected representatives. Donald K. Trump hopes that you’ll Pepperidge Farm the Clinton Administration.
The Wall Street Journal will not be allowed to watch Trump golf in Scotland because of their Epstein reporting.
Back to the story of John A. Sarcone “III”, the loyalist Trump wants as US attorney for upstate New York. Is Sarcone only the “acting” US attorney? Is he an “assistant” with no one to assist? Who cares? What does the law have to do with being an attorney for Trump?
Law has nothing to do with being a lawyer for Trump, which is why Two-thirds of the DOJ unit defending Trump policies in court have quit.
First, Trump disappeared hundreds of Venezuelans to a Salvadoran Prison. Then, Marco Rubio and Ric Grenell got into a bidding war for them and Grenell’s check bounced. Now, the prisoners have been shuffled off to Venezuela. Were innocent lives art of the dealed?
David Waldman and Greg Dworkin tell us all about some of the crazy things that happened.
Winning! Donald K. Trump wants to remind everyone of his many huge successes over the last 6 months, and his HUGE hands. And his unceasing admiration and respect for the Indigenous peoples of the Americas. And the scandal-plagued Obama administration, along with Barack Hussein’s many felonies.
But not Jeffery Epstein. Donald does not want to remind anyone that his name is in the Epstein files. or how and why his name got into the Epstein files. Or how he tried to cover up his appearance in the Epstein files. But you know, if people want to cry about how he’s a corrupt pervert, Trump is certainly capable of giving them something new to cry about.
44% believe they will be worse off in a year, yet may not grasp how much worse off they’ll be in a week. Some have only begun to realize just how much worse off they are now.
On the other hand, Andrew Cuomo thinks there might be a little too much success in New York City. Zohran Mamdani promises to not say the thing he never said.
Alina Habba had a rough start, but her trajectory is now smoothing out into a steep dive. He was Trump’s pick for US Attorney in Albany, but it turns out that John A. Sarcone III is only “acting”.
David Waldman takes us to the edge of the week but can’t keep us from falling into the weekend.
Bawdy? Is that what we’re calling it? Jeffery Epstein, who could be considered naughty, and kind of affiliated, was never known to have had a shortage of close personal friends. His 50th birthday party had a great turnout of sincere well-wishers, including Donald K. Trump, who was both his best friend for over a dozen years, and hardly even knew him, in fact barely even met him outside of the hundreds of times that they hung out. So, of all of the ribald birthday wishes Jeff received, the one from Donald is definitely the one Donald did not write, and did not sign, and especially did not write a picture on. Donald does not write pictures.
You know that things must be out of control if Trump is releasing medical information into the news cycle. Trump’s socks look like he rotates his filled Depends there, but officially he has “Chronic Venous Insufficiency” which technically describes that Trump’s brains have fallen into his shoes. It would also explain his feeble Epstein distraction brought to you by Coca-Cola. Luckily for Trump, CBS threw him a big lifeline by firing Steven Colbert. The only thing that could delight Trump more would be having Jimmy Kimmel eaten by an alligator.
Great news! AI Chatbots have been telling their billionaire investors that they will be earning trillions of dollars soon and that those checks will start pouring in, in about two weeks.
It’s Thursday, so David Waldman and Greg Dworkin are both here to roll up their sleeves and help Trump dig any hole he’s digging today.
The Radical Left Democrats have hit pay dirt, again! Donald K. Trump wants to move on from the Jeffery Epstein case. He needs everyone to quit talking about Jeffery Epstein. He is telling you to quit speculating about Jeffery Epstein and him. He is demanding that everyone just stop thinking about Jeff and him and those girls. Stop it, now. Just shut up. Shut up. SHUT UP! Why won’t they all shut up?
Elon Musk warned you… Well, so did everyone else for about thirty years. Now Trump has baskets of his own deplorables to deal with.
In the unenviable crux betwixt Jeffery Epstein and Sean Combs is Maurene Comey. No one who visits there is left unscrewed, and because of her last name, neither did Maurene. She-Wolf of the DOJ, Pam Bondi, served up Comey to cheer up the boss, at least for the moment. Along with the attorney general’s own ethics adviser go any people who could rat out or otherwise inconvenience any Justice Department thuggery and/or henching.
So far, the Trump administration has not figured out how to send migrants to fictional countries, but they may have to, as there are so few that meet our evil criteria.
ICE soldiers haven’t taken fire axes to voting machines… yet... so, elections persist. Abigail Spanberger is coming right up the center in Virginia, with some of the way cleared by the giant sucking Trump effect. Meanwhile the Mamdani effect is being felt all the way out in Arizona, although there is a lot to be said for heritage and experience.
In Isreal, the Council of Torah Sages declares war on Netanyahu’s coalition for making them non-exempt from military service.
It’s a good thing Greg Dworkin had a lot of links today. Because there was a lot to say, even if there were only a very few topics most people were talking about. And by that, we mean Jeffrey Epstein, and the fact that Donald Trump was his very good friend, because they were both giant perverts.
No one’s buying the Trump administration’s story. I mean, like, no one.
Not the Trump-supporting Speaker of the House.
Not ultra-Trump-supporting rank & file members of Congress.
Not the grifters who came up on the Trump coattails.
Not the grifters positioning themselves to usurp the coat itself.
Not the high-information, liberal voters who might be using it to troll low-information voters.
Not even the low-information voters themselves, who don’t care about anything.
Maybe he’s just used up all the quarters he had lined up for his brainwashing machine. Whatever the reason, he’s now got MAGA & the Republican party splintered over this thing he seems determined to insist everyone should ignore.
But wait! Maybe Trump can save his presidency with substantive accomplishments on the policy side!
Hahahahahaha! Ohhhhh, man! Hey, just kidding, folks! Ha ha! That was a good one! No, there’s no hope for that! And the midterm political outlook is only set to get worse, even if the policy itself somehow doesn’t. But it is getting worse!
Oh well, at least there’s Elon Musk’s third party. Hahahaha! Gotcha again!
Meanwhile, this coverup isn’t even the worst thing Pam Bondi is doing with her time.
Well, we have time for one more subject. By which I mean about an hour. How about the NYC mayoral race, where we’re looking at voters in the 40s and 50s. No, not by age. By net approve/disapprove! (OK, but also by age.) In fact, how about the NYC mayoral race, and how some people are so consumed by it, that they think it has bearing on the outcome of totally unrelated races, thousands of miles away.
David Waldman is here to Tuesday the heck out of this KITM.
The Supreme Court was feeling cute last night and thought they’d delete the separation of powers. That Nixon was such a loser.
Congratulations also go to Trump for winning his 5th golf championship in since inauguration, 10 weeks ago. Just one of the many of his latest great successes, depending on how one looks at things. One thing is still missing on his signature blue suit, however. Medals. Like Florida Gop Cory Mills’ Bronze Star, but maybe a dozen or so gold ones. That’d be cool. Meanwhile, Cory’s landlord is accusing him of not paying $85,000 in rent. Can Mills help it if he didn’t bill him correctly?
Donald does become a little smaller each day, therefore he shut down airports in a 200-mile radius in order to pretend to be a World Cup player and “accept” their trophy… and a medal… and probably the silverware at the banquet and the toilet paper from his restroom stall. Hey, it’s what all the tin-pot dictators do when they tire of tin pots.
Blame Jeffery Epstein. He’s the guy who got Trump on his gold kick, among other things. Democrats and Kevin Spacey would like to know more, but you know how prim and demure Republicans can be. Barack Obama started compiling his forged Epstein list during his early teens, as will be revealed to all in around two weeks
The US has imposed a 17% duty on fresh Mexican tomatoes (purportedly) in hopes of “boosting domestic production” … First of all, Donald K. Trump doesn’t do anything for the good of anything. Second, we are deporting/terrorizing/imprisoning all of our skilled farm workers. Third, everyone knows that you couldn’t treat white folks like that. Fourth, you also don’t mess with tomatoes, as they are some litigious SOBs.
David Waldman and Greg Dworkin follow another Trump Weekend™ with another Monday KITM! YAY!
QAnon was right — THEY don’t want you to know! Imagine MAGA’s surprise, and everyone else’s lack of surprise, when “They” turned out to be Trump. Trump’s Epstein cover-up (The latest cover-up, that is, as Trump has covered for Epstein forever.) could tear apart MAGA as a portion of them actually believe what they’ve been saying, and for most of them, this issue is the most complex that they are prepared to handle. Heads must roll, and that never means Trump. Therefore, Ghislaine Maxwell is making certain that all of her prison security cameras are in tiptop condition today. Dan Bongino was too undisclosed to clock into work this morning. That leaves Pam Bondi, She-Wolf of the DOJ, who has just fired her personal ethics chief. Kash Patel threatens to show up even less at work if Pam stays.
Eight men were told that they were being sent to Louisiana but ended up in Djibouti. Following the orders of armed masked men never turns out well. Kristi Noem expects that more bureaucracy, more paperwork, more delays and more inefficiencies will lead to more government savings. Fewer survivors equal even more savings. Of course, in central Texas, a functioning government equals Communism. In New York City, voters see things differently.
David Waldman stares into the abyss of our next Trump weekend, but first, screams into the void of Trump Friday.
Distinguished Professor and author Ian Reifowitz returns to KITM discuss his BRAND-NEW BOOK, “Riling Up the Base: Examining Trump’s Use of Stereotypes through an Interdisciplinary Lens.” Buy this book, and not only will you be the hippest person on your beach, but you will also gain a thorough understanding of how Trump’s use of stereotypes relating to immigration, race/ethnicity, and gender somehow keeps that jerk in power.
Ian also argues that Democrats have drifted from Obama’s unifying vision of America and need to reclaim Obama’s inclusive, aspirational message to win again.
Tom Homan reminds us that the less you look like Tom Homan, the higher your chance of having many bad things happen to you in the United States.
With AI, you can look like anyone and say anything.
Foreign leaders are under the mistaken impression that as long as their lips remain on Donald K. Trump’s ass, they’re safe. To Vietnam’s surprise, Donald informed them they hadn’t used enough tongue.
Greg Dworkin heard from a friend that they have a friend whose other friend says that Vladimir Putin doesn’t want to go out with Donald Trump anymore. Or maybe vice versa. Anyway, somebody is gonna be upset over the resumption of arms shipments to Ukraine. Could be Trump. Certainly will be Putin. Might also be Hegseth!
The eyes of Texas (and everywhere else) are still upon “Flash Flood Alley,” so they’ll have to get their story straight (and tell it to the judge) about whether they do or don’t have an emergency alert system, and if so, whether they did or didn’t use it. They certainly should have one. After all, they’re now acknowledging that extreme weather incidents are human-caused. Sort of.
The national obsession over the New York City mayoral election continues, mostly because Zohran Mamdani’s sizeable lead in the polls continues. The Adams camp is making some… unusual choices for managing the campaign. Or at least, someone is making them for them. Anyway, the political scientists have a heads up for you, if you’ve been wondering where the winning coalition would come from.
Meanwhile, Donald Trump has opened up (even) dumb(er) new frontiers in his “Trade Wars,” this time with the largest coffee producer in the world and second-most-populous country in the Western Hemisphere: Brazil. And they don’t like it. But they are also not as dumb, as anyone can plainly see.
Dumber still, but even more frightening, Trump continues to use vast federal powers to prosecute his personal gripes. We heard the other day about his insistence that “investigations” be opened into former FBI Director James Comey and former CIA Director John Brennan. Now we learn that… for some strange reason… the Secret Service decided to tail Comey on his way back from his beach vacation, then haul him in for questioning over that “86 47” message he wrote out in seashells.
And it looks like they have the same and more planned for Chris Wray, too. You know, the FBI Director Trump picked after he fired Comey.
David Waldman returns for the Wednesday KITM and look who he brought — Greg Dworkin! Greg asks, where are the Evangelicals? Well, not out doing God’s work, that’s for sure.
Donald K. Trump, who lies a lot, lied a lot at his cabinet meeting yesterday. Ric Grenell and Marco Rubio art of the dealed each other out of prisoner swaps in El Salvador. (Marco’s AI imposter could do a better job.) Pete (Hic!) seth held back arms to Ukraine but left boss Trump out of the chat. That’s ok, Donald’s boss never listens to him either. Kimberly Guilfoyle could’ve been First Lady, twice, but will settle for a big fat Greek ambassadorship. Marjorie Taylor Greene doesn’t seem to know that much, but that’s only because she’s an idiot. Marge clearly does her research.
Trump thought all this Jeffery Epstein nonsense was killed in its jailcell and cremated long ago, but no, just like some drugged 13-year-old girl, they just can’t seem to let it go. Meanwhile, in the midst of a tragic disaster in Texas, reporters have the bad taste to show disrespect for inept public servants. Sirens would have helped, as would even a timely text.
The Bayeux Tapestry travels from France to Britain for the first time in history, but you can look at it on your phone.
UVA president James E. Ryan threw himself in front of the Trump Train to save his university, and its grant structure.
The FBI investigates the FBI for its associations with other FBI members as if they were the Stasi.
Trump tariffs are going to make copper more expensive here than almost anywhere.
He’s LIVE! David Waldman has been keeping his opinions to himself for DAYS... and he can barely take it any longer. Thank goodness we’re here!
Trump’s loyalist army, ICE, now better funded than the Russian army, liberated MacArthur Park in LA... all the sweet green icing flowing down. Oh nooooo...
Jeffery Epstein? No, that name doesn’t ring a bell over at the White House. Trump is due to claim that Joe Biden and Elon Musk created Jeff in AI. Ghislaine Maxwell, call your lawyer.
Ted (Vacation) Cruz doesn’t mind Texas but seems to hate the weather. Donald says not to blame him for the Texas floods, as it’s all God’s fault. (God must be wondering why He was dumb enough to choose him again.) Trump is due to claim that Joe Biden and Elon Musk created the flood in AI.
Donald K. Trump believes Ukraine is real, sometimes. Is China spying on us through TikTok? Trump might believe that, but he does not believe in any laws that restrict it, or any laws for that matter.
Trump tariffs are back on! Or they’re back off! What, don’t you believe him? Crazy Don is making crazy deals! Everyone’s invited to our Open House, no reasonable offer refused! 90 days, same as cash!
How can Abrego Garcia become a figment of our imagination, if US courts won’t let him disappear? El Salvador now claims that it was only paid to imprison, torture and eventually kill people sent to them, nothing was said about “legal responsibility”. Whether it’s shipping prisoners to Sudan, the Alien Enemies Act, or Birthright Citizenship, Trump just needs only one break to take the whole system down.
Elon Musk had his Big Balls cut off, so instead of buying one of his stupid cars, he thought you might just want to send him money. (Wouldn’t it be more fun if Elon spent a billion or two on private investigators?)
What an awful week… and it’s only Monday! The horrors continue in Texas. And, everywhere else, the stupidity continues and continues and continues. Probably the only one surprised by how things have been going though is Ghislaine Maxwell.
Where do we go from here? David Waldman will tell us! Tomorrow. Today, we will review how we got here.
How woke do you need to be, to march in uniform with African Americans, stoking the Civil War before Lincoln was even elected? Wide Awake.
It’s not a constitutional crisis if the Constitution is dead. The Gop crack suicide squad sprang into action to protect Donald K. Trump last week. Who knows how much more they can take, but the Supreme Court has plenty more to give where that came from.
It’s July 4th! And we’re celebrating by pretending it’s July 5th.
Hey, anything to get another day closer to the end of the Trump regime!
But to be more precise about it, we’re pretending it’s July 5, 2019. Why? Well, July 5, 2024 wasn’t a particularly uplifting moment in time for us. But the day after Trump’s first attempt at a Washington, DC “military parade?” That’s entertainment!
So we’re re-running the July 5, 2019 episode, which Scott Anderson originally summarized this way:
But… Did. They. Get. Off?
The rain was almost… almost like a “sign” from above that yesterday’s greatest show in history would be the hugest lesson in irony. In that, it did not disappoint.
David Waldman takes us through Donald Trump’s history lesson on ramming the ramparts at airports during the Revolution. If you think Trump sees history in a strange way, wait until you hear how he sees himself. Profile in courage Donald Trump wishes he could be the good person he really is inside... it’s just that you provoke him so.
An open letter to the director of the US Holocaust Memorial Museum states why we again need to say Never Again.
Trump tries to come up with a way to rig the Census that someone will believe, but why bother when lies work so well? Oregon’s governor uses her executive powers for good.
Cheese and whiskey are targeted in the US’s latest proposed tariffs on EU, as the Jim Beam bourbon warehouse is allowed to burn down to keep from polluting the water.
What will the Gop do without the NRA? The Indian government already has a plan in place for dealing with Ivanka Trump-like intrusion.
Serena Blaiz—Daily Kos’ peacearena—reports on the expanding local news desert, and the unexpected hits on your local economy.
Today, we again are under the cloud of another mass shooting. Also, just as we were reaffirming our freedom from tyranny, the Gops are passing their mega-cruel, mega-despotic, mega-deadly, mega-totalitarian, mega-ignorant, mega-MAGA bill.
David Walman would be addressing the above, but presently David’s at the wheel of the KITMmobile passing through golden valleys, fruited plains, etc., and therefore put together this brand-new prerecorded KITM!
Ever think that customer service has pre-determined a level of discomfort that you will need to endure in order to earn the favor of their attention? Well, you are correct! They save money through attrition of disgruntled customers, not the cultivation of satisfied ones… and that kids is how destroying the United States makes business sense. The Social Security Administration will be designed to become the flagship of FUBAR, as destroying the will of new parents and senior citizens promises the most in profit and satisfaction. Now, even Big Balls is facing shrinkage, as DOGE loses access to grants.gov. This frees up a few hundred million in grants that they had disappeared in order for them to expire. (Profit!) Meanwhile, Donald K. Trump personally froze $7 Billion in school funding in his new Shits and Giggles Initiative.
Wednesday, and it’s David Waldman and Greg Dworkin’s last live appearance before Explodey Day! Probably not their last alive appearance, though. They don’t seem the types to screw around with such things.
Zohran, the Destroyer! Zohran, the Magnificent! Zohran, the Relatable! Nothing scares Democrats more than winning, because if you win... you could lose. And yet… sometimes a win or two will slip in, like in New Jersey, or maybe around San Diego. Of course, winning just invites death threats.
Don’t worry Dems, Trump says he holds all the levers, and well, he kind of does. Paramount anted up its $16 M (to make $8 B), and the bag gets passed back to CNN.
Lisa Murkowski got hers, if you want any, you be a Senator.
Trump had a great time in the undrained swamp. What is it about “Alligator Alcatraz” that seems to resonate with MAGA? Does it harken back to a time America could rediscover its lost… greatness?
Sean “Diddy” Combs escaped sex trafficking and racketeering charges but was convicted of a prostitution offense. Jimmy Swaggart would probably forgive that, but can’t look to Donald Trump for forgiveness, for the moment.
Jared L. Wise, who wanted to kill police on Jan 6, has been given an opportunity to do so at the DOJ.
University of Virginia president James E. Ryan took one for the team, and the team’s hundreds of millions in federal funding and resigned, to give Trump his biggest kill yet.
LOL libtards! What happened to all that tariff disaster you said was heading our way? Wait… Oh, this just in….
July! David Waldman will depart upon his KITM Patriotic Tour of America very soon but is here today and even tomorrow with live shows!
Get your 4th of July prepped soon, before Hell buys up all of the charcoal. Did Republicans kill the filibuster? The Senate did kill thousands of people. JD Vance dealt the coup de grâce, and promised that there’ll be many more corpses before he’s finished. Elon Musk might go onto the casualty list if he doesn’t shut up. Dems made Susan Collins feel concerned for a moment.
Like changing the direction of a hurricane, Donald K. Trump is using his Sharpie to divert interest rates from Jerome Powell.
Trump and Kristi Noem, who never got the opportunity to pose at Abu Ghraib, made up for it at today’s grand opening celebration of the Everglades “migrant detention facilities”. Kristi missed her chance to chuck puppies to the gators (at least on camera) but Noem knows that some things are better if kept quiet… like political graft.
Here we are, at the end of a long month, but David Waldman and Greg Dworkin still aren’t tired and can keep it up as long as we can.
Thom Tillis picked up his integrity at the coat check area and left the Senate, rather than having Trump’s fat ugly bill become his epitaph. Of course, Susan Collins and Lisa Murkowski are oh-so-close to becoming Democrats… until right about now in the process, when someone offers them a “reacharound” or a “wraparound” or whatever the kids are calling it nowadays. No normal person would vote for this bill, but few in DC run into people outside of a photo op. Mayors, however, run into actual people no matter where their cities are, which is a shock to those politicians who aren’t used to that.
Donald K. Trump wants everyone to know that the people who leaked the truth about Iran are LYING and will be prosecuted to the full extent of the laws that will be disregarded in their prosecution. Alligator Auschwitz awaits them all. Trump will release an MS-13 friend of Salvadoran President Nayib Bukele to get him to take back Kilmar Abrego Garcia and maybe lose him a little better this time. Bibi Netanyahu notes that the more Gazans he kills, the more open he feels towards a ceasefire deal. Pam Bondi, She-Wolf of the DOJ, finds herA-II solutions to be just as fun as her 2A ones.
Here’s what a $1 Trillion Medicaid Cut would look like. Here’s a little of what it would feel like.
David Waldman is BACK for the Friday KITM, then GONE for the weekend, then BACK on the Monday KITM! See how that works?
In local, to KITM World Headquarters, news, the University of Virginia and Virginia Commonwealth University can’t operate any “illegal” DEI programs to get federal funding, and they really like federal funding, therefore they’re obeying anticipatorily. The White House appreciates their cooperation and will now require the resignation of the University of Virginia’s president. In even more local news, the Superintendent of Loudoun Schools, Aaron Spence eloquently describes how Trump can kiss his DEI-loving ass. Meanwhile, a selling point for a four-year degree has always been where you’ll be spending those four years.
People assumed someone had fixed the DOGE by cutting off Big Balls, but he’s only been tucked away, out of sight.
The US is slashing overseas pro-democracy initiatives, yet Samuel Samson over at the US State Department wanted your tax money to go to anti-democracy initiatives to support Marine Le Pen. Le Pen had the self-respect to turn him down.
Remember when real men were both strong and silent? Why can’t we try bringing back those days again? Why are supervillains always such big mouths?
It’s Thursday and David Waldman and Greg Dworkin are back to KITM and itching to analyze!
You don’t mess with the Zohran! “Ranked choice” voting defeats “hold your nose and just” voting. You got to hope it’s the beginning of the end of the political consultant era, but good luck with that. When Dems discover they can be elected by listening to constituents DC will become a ghost town. And if you think that Democrats are terrified of Zohran Mamdani, you should see Republicans! Donald K. Trump fears Zohran almost as much as he does AOC. Ted Cruz and Stephen Miller hate Mamdani almost as much as people hate Ted Cruz and Stephen Miller. Libertarians don’t want Zohran, but always figure that fewer of anybody means more for them anyhow.
About the only people who like Zohran Mamdani are the majority of New York City, who especially like it when things work and don’t cost too much. Muslim youths love Mamdani and talked Muslim olds into voting for him. Not enough Black youths talked to the Black olds. Generally, the Democratic party needs more youths and fewer olds.
Kari Lake’s dream of Trump becoming the Marion Jones of Nobel prizes has been obliterated. Only 38% of Americans support Trump’s Iran War, so instead Pete Kegsbreath has declared war on Jennifer Griffin, and Trump has declared war on Natasha Bertrand.
The next lady on the White House bombing list is Elizabeth MacDonough, Senate Parliamentarian, who has compiled a big beautiful list of Byrd rule violations in the Gop budget bill.
David Waldman and Greg Dworkin are back with the latest in KITM and KITM accessories.
You might not know that Dennis Kucinich was mayor of Cleveland, or that Jerry Springer was mayor of Cincinnati, yet you probably know every mayor of New York City over your entire life, maybe earlier. They NYC mayoral race is like no other, and Zohran Mamdani’s Democratic primary win is a win like no other. The establishment fears him; the political class has been trying to stop him, and with good reason. Zohran is a populist who seems to actually be a man of the people! Not many saw him coming, because no one would bet that voters could find someone with genuine merit. Credit should go to ranked choice voting’s ability to sift out the individual voter’s judgement away from the rankest choice, Andrew Cuomo.
As Donald K. Trump famously said of his bombing of Iran, “I came, I saw, I conquered”. Lately though, Trump’s been quoted, “Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune, or to take arms against a sea of troubles and by opposing end them?” (He might have picked up that quote elsewhere.)
Is Emil Bove the most unethical judicial nominee in modern history? Or is the real sinner the whistleblower who snitched on him? If Trump is infallible, perceiving his actions as failures is heresy, and threatening him is blasphemy, and the whole idea of ethics and morality is open to discussion.
HUD likes the National Science Foundation headquarters, so they are throwing out 1,800 employees. Maybe they’ll locate affordable housing for them.
At least you won’t see Big Balls hanging out around DC… unless you mistake him for JD Vance.
David Waldman is solo today, in front of the microphone, and behind. So, ease off of him, will ya?
Hallelujah! Donald K. Trump and his BFF, God, declared peace for our time yesterday… No... PEACE FOR ALL TIME! No more holy wars, only eternal holy love from…
Hold on, we have breaking news that Donald’s estimate was a bit off… or perhaps God’s... FUUUUU… Oh, well, Trump cannot fail his children, they can only fail him. Calm down everybody. Except for the shooting and the bombs and the dying and such, there’s all sorts of peace between Iran and Israel. Raise the Mission Accomplished banners, quick, and engrave those Nobel medals today, just in case. Y’know, Kamala and Hilary told us this would happen.
Give Americans two weeks, and they’ll have forgotten all about this. Meanwhile, rule of law, democracy, etc. remain concerns. Masked gunmen ride into town, beating and intimidating citizens, which used to be frowned upon. Now the villains defy courts and common sense with impunity. The Supreme Court’s ruling in DHS v. D.V.D. might sound unfamiliar, but has removed due process, and will maybe kill thousands of immigrants.
Why the long face, Emil? Emil Bove is finding out that recommending the violation of court orders is unbecoming for a judge, maybe even a lawyer.
Give me a "K! ..."K"! give me an "I"! ..."I"! Give me a "T"! ..."T" Give me a "M"! ..."M"! WHATS THAT SPELL? David Waldman and Greg Dworkin return this week with a golden oldie that some of you out there might remember:
Well, come on all of you big strong men, Uncle Sam needs your help again. He got himself in a terrible jam, way down yonder in Iran! Put down your books and pick up a gun, we're gunna have a whole lotta fun! Turns out that Donakd… Donald K. Trump has never been awfully TACO when it comes to other people’s lives… and we’re talking Muslims here. He’s also not against regime change when it’s other people’s regimes. However, he hates capitalism when it gets in the way of his capitalism. And, never, ever, dare to take his limelight. CHORUS And its 1,2,3 what are we fightin for? Don't ask me, I don't give a damn, the next stop is Iran. And its 5,6,7 open up the pearly gates. Well, there ain't no time to wonder why... Whoopee we're all gunna die! It appears that Donald and Bibi arranged to reach around and wag each other's dogs in Iran. It was an intimate circle wag, however, so Democrats and JD Vance weren’t invited. People could watch it on the internet if they chose to, and even Pete Hegseth got midnight hammered... Now come on wall street don't be so slow, why man this's war a-go-go-go! There's plenty good money to be made, supplyin' the army with the tools of the trade. Just hope and pray that when they drop the bomb, they drop it on the other ones! … Anyhow, MISSION ACCOMPLISHED, except Trump is no W, more of an L. Who knows what the future might bring? (We kind of know...) CHORUS And its 1,2,3 what are we fightin for? Don't ask me I don't give a damn, the next stop is Iran. And its 5,6,7 open up the pearly gates. Well, there ain't no time to wonder why...Whoopee we're all gunna die! Now, come on generals let's move fast, your big chance is here at last. Tonight, you go out and get those reds, cuz the only good commie is one that’s dead, You know that peace can only be won, when you blow em all to kingdom come! CHORUS And its 1,2,3 what are we fightin for? Don't ask me I don't give a damn, the next stop is Iran. And its 5,6,7 open up the pearly gates. Well, there ain't no time to wonder why...Whoopee we're all gunna die! … Oh, and there’s an election in New York City. Vote Zohran. ABC: Anybody but Cuomo. Not as a joke, not out of name recognition, this is ranked choice voting, so too many second-choice picks could elect the wrong guy... Now come on mothers throughout the land, pack your boys off to Iran. Come on fathers don't hesitate, send your sons off before it's too late, Be the first one on your block, to have your boy come home in a box! CHORUS And its 1,2,3 what are we fightin for? Don't ask me I don't give a damn, the next stop is Iran. And its 5,6,7 open up the pearly gates. Well, there ain't no time to wonder why...Whoopee we're all gunna die!
KITM AV department intern David Waldman hopes to get a break from all of his breaks soon, but there’s always something...
ICE is SAD! Wherever the ICE men goeth, tragedy strikes… them. Beating immigrants while cosplaying as ISIS hasn’t captured the hearts of Americans like they hoped. Detainees start whining after only days of being held without charges, some even skip out without even a “thank you”. The constant bruising of ICE agent knees on Hispanic testicles has become an almost untenable occupational hazard. And now, elected officials are almost everywhere, clogging the treads of the boots of justice, as if voters elected them to do things like that! Can’t people see their guns?
Meanwhile, Gavin Newsom fights tyranny with guerrilla trolling.
We should be so glad that Trump’s two weeks never finish. When Trump says, “two weeks”, he means “never”. When he says, “90 days”, he means “forever”. The day that Donald has truly been waiting for, is that day he won’t be expected to give an update.
David Waldman is back on the air again, LIVE! Greg Dworkin returns, with mega polls! No, not Trump’s high poles, but Trump’s low polls, along with the latest takeaways from the KITM World Headquarters Primaries… well, Virginia primaries, same difference.
Will TikTok TACO Trump chicken out with Iran? We’re talking about millions of actual lives here... so maybe not. MAGA thought they opposed such things as “forever wars”, but they’ll get over it, like their opposition to Russia. It’s easy to do when you think about it, and even easier when you don’t.
You’d think that making conspiracy theorists put up or shut up would put them in some sort of bind, but these are a spunky and resilient group of whackadoodles. Confronted with a tragically factual Christian nationalist assassin, they expeditiously took reality lemons and turned them into MAGA lemonade. Chinese license plates and thousands of cards stole the 2020 election for Bernie Sanders. Not many people know that.
Donald K. Trump is objectively bad for America. Journalists are hesitant to point that out, lest their network soapboxes be turned into real ones.
Still, with protests, it pays to not give MAGA a seed of truth to roll their dung around. Nonviolence is the way. Then later, we’ll impeach the bastard, maybe this term, maybe his third or fourth.
Four execs from the top tech companies in Silicon Valley have joined the Army Reserve but probably won’t be putting boots down in Isfahan soon or even in the next two weeks. They were of course invited because of their special technological genius.
NYC tycoons are saying “There goes the neighborhood” if Zohran Mamdani moves in.
David Waldman WILL RETURN from the Virgin Islands tomorrow! Meanwhile, let’s take on an evergreen topic, the complete and utter corruption of Donald K. Trump and how that has infected every facet of American government. Ex-prosecutors are raising alarms over Ed Martin, who everyone, including Ed Martin, will tell you is anti-law/pro-Trump. White House aide Lynne Patton was suspended for violation of the Hatch Act. Strange, because who in the Trump administration hasn’t violated the Hatch Act, and more vigorously? It’s pretty much a job requirement. DOGEy lawyer Jeremy Lewin is a violent racist, also no doubt a feature, not a bug, leading to his promotion to lead the wreckage of USAID. The Department of Homeland Security wants to keep the number of people fired from the Cybersecurity and Infrastructure Security Agency a secret.
David Waldman is still out there, enjoying the beach life as if there’s no tomorrow. There might be one, though. And, if there’s a day after that, David should be right here again.
It’s almost summer, but the DOGE days of spring will take a long while to recover from. We are just beginning to understand how DOGE stole government data, and who they sold it to.
Remember the Obama March Madness bracket, or his summer playlist? This administration’s thing is Trump Administration enemies lists. Collect them all, new enemies are added weekly, daily, hourly.
The administration doesn’t want anyone countering foreign disinformation, because it’s their job to spread it. Darren Beattie dismantled the agency fighting Russian propaganda, because he has family in the business. Beattie’s White Nationalist ties got him fired the first time, a high-level State Department job this time.
David Waldman continues to lounge in the Virgin Islands, perhaps a letdown for those of us who had favorited him in local Pedro Pascal look-alike contests, but not for you loyal listeners out there, as David made certain that there wasn’t the slightest interruption in our KITM service.
Of course, this show was pre-recorded last week, so listening to it you might not be aware that Donald K. Trump is an egomaniacal loser so bent on self-aggrandizement that he’s ready and willing to destroy the world to get it. Or that his deplorable followers are so deluded and demented that they’ve become individual ISIS wannabees, hiding behind every bush.
In Not-Weaponizing Government news, the Rurals have become less illegal, while the Urbans have become more illegal than ever before. Pro-Lifers might cut back on their assassinations if only their pro-life government killed more first. VA doctors are finally allowed to euthanize Democrats and unmarried.
The Department of Veterans Affairs will be able locate and eliminate Libs much more efficiently due to the efforts of DOGE and its installation of AI into agency systems. Anyone with a Social Security number can now be doxed with a push of a button. That could ruin or even kill most people, but for some it could make them millions, maybe billions! DOGE can do just about anything, other than find federal waste and fraud, because that stuff is really rare.
David Waldman continues his sojourn in the Virgin Islands, getting away from it all, but not escaping from his responsibility to KITM listeners, with this brand-new pre-recorded podcast!
Donald K. Trump is king now. At least, that’s what he purports. Donald purports a lot. The problem is the people who believe him, or purport to. The big problem is when the Trump Supreme Court turns purports into edicts.
One can usually determine how far they’ve become detached from reality by the number of people who disagree with them. Thanks to modern science those days are over. Machines will simp you like you never been simped before.
Bulletin: David Waldman has invaded the Virgin Islands! Man, if ol’ Jeff hadn’t already wasted it on his island, Trump would’ve had the best renaming opportunity. David could have broadcast KITM live out his snorkel but chose instead to record five all-new specials to fill this spot.
Pete Hegseth, Secretary of Defense for the United States of America, is having some difficulty rising to the highest standards of his position. In fact, those people who would be interested in working in his department are less interested in working in his department, unless their duties include perhaps fragging.
Hegseth orders coverups, hunts down leakers, and changes the subject to much more incriminating topics, all certain morale-builders.
Then there’s that time Pete invited Elon Musk to a meeting, and thy Trump is a jealous Trump, and would be visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children unto Pete’s third and fourth generation had not Hegseth been such an excellent brownnoser. Jennifer Hegseth is going to have to shorten that leash a bit more.
Gop Cory Mills saved at least three fellow soldiers while serving in Iraq, he just forgot to mention it to them.
Canada isn’t interested in Trump’s gold dome, as they feel less safe under there with him.
Don’t worry! David Waldman and Greg Dworkin will be back next week! But what do you care? You’ll have brand-new KITMs, five of them, to listen to until their return! But first:
Correspondent Terry Moran posted that Trump was a world-class hater without first taking into consideration what world-class haters do, and what his world-class coward employers would do about it. Stephen Miller is working to make America great for Nick Fuentes. He’s Goebbels without a master race, Nosferatu without the sentimentality.
People don’t like that. Ok, lots of people do like to see people get their skulls cracked on TV, but “them” are beginning to look a little too much like “they” lately for their comfort. Trump’s “Butthurt Mussolini” persona is becoming less fun and too real. Tin soldiers are coming, and we don’t even have Nixon’s sense of morality, or Westmoreland’s propriety this time. We’re finally on our own… This summer you’ll hear the drumming... Except at the New York Times, where they beautifully habituate.
Pope Leo will be presenting the opposing viewpoint to Trump at Rate Field in Chicago on June 14.
She-Wolf of the DOJ, Pam Bondi’s big brother Brad Bondi works to rationalize his 82-point election loss.
Trump has discovered the Lost Cause and promised to return it to military bases in the South.
It might be a slow boring topic, but the threat is real from right-NIMBYs opposing the Abundance Agenda. Then there’s Oklahoma’s HD 71 special election, where the debate centers around professional experience.
David Waldman is back for the Tuesday before the Wednesday before he’s out of here for the rest of the week! (Except for all those bonus shows he’s recorded to keep you glued to your myriad devices.)
This is what autocracy looks like. Well, “an autocracy” is what Donald K. Trump delivered since Day One of his administration. Now we are at whatever stage of autocracy that interrogates cleaning ladies, pulls guns on maintenance workers, shoots into photographers, journalists and reporters, while trampling protesters and snatching, head bagging, and disappearing dissidents.
Donald hasn’t been this happy since Jan 6, watching all the heads get busted, this time with friendlier coverage and better hosts. Send in the Marines, maybe they’ll take out that big mouthGavin Newsom instead of the do-nothing National Guard. Those guys haven’t shot even one hippy yet.
The west coast demonstration of Trumply might will probably end up costing even more than Trump’s DC show. If only Elon Musk was still DOGEing about, who knows what high agency hijinks would ensue!
Just because Trump is an authoritarian, that doesn’t make him a king. And if he was, kings were made to be dethroned.
Meanwhile, She-Wolf of the DOJ, Pam Bondi’s brother Brad Bondi lost big in the race to be President of the DC Bar Association. Chicago Mayor Brandon Johnson said that when hiring people “We always look out for everybody else”, and the last thing this administration will allow is anyone looking out for anybody else. And, Georgia Gops resolve that Secretary of State Brad Raffensperger is a RINO.
Some of y’all can’t handle two high agency men, David Waldman and Greg Dworkin, talking over each other… but if you can, you came to a good place.
And yet, there's no way to delay that trouble coming every day. We all know what happens when armed forces are deployed as police. Donald K. Trump knows. Even his idiot son can figure it out.
What really happened outside the Paramount Home Depot doesn’t matter to Homan, Miller, Hegseth or Trump. It’s what they can do to bait all of the protestors, or even just one or two of them.
The White House dropped a steaming pile of memoranda that only smells like it violated Posse Comitatus. The Guard is only there to “put down rebellion”, and rebellious protestors always have the choice to turn off their cell phones or be put down.
California Gov. Gavin Newsom invited Tom Homan onto his podcast but won’t pay his airfare.
The full force of the DOJ and FBI were brought to bear on the world’s most notorious super criminal Kilmar Abrego Garcia, in order to come up with something with which to charge him. Now they can all go back to arresting the Deep State like they promised they would. That’ll finally make America great again.
Trump’s fat ugly bill increases the national debt by $2.4 trillion, but more importantly it will kick 11 million people off their health insurance. As always, the cruelty is the point. Fox is running out of carpet to sweep the Trump tariffs under. Each day it becomes harder to outrun the facts on Trump deportations.
Whatever happened to the US-Britain trade deal? You’d think that this administration wasn’t being completely honest with everyone.
It’s D-Day! Trump actually sort-of marked the occasion yesterday, with German Chancellor Friedrich Merz. Though I don’t think Merz was fully convinced that Trump understood the significance of the day for him. Anyhoo… Trump and Musk are still fighting. But you betas just can’t understand. How serious is it? Nobody knows. But the Russian trolls are happy to pretend it’s life-and-death. Hey, I don’t know if you’ve heard, but Trump’s One Big Bad Bippety-Boppity Boo Bill Act Dot Com purports to revoke federal courts’ authority to impose sanctions against the government for contempt of court Hey, I don’t know if you’ve heard, but DOGE fired all the wrong people, and has had to scramble to hire a bunch of them back. Hey, I don’t know if you’ve heard, but Trump’s second/third attempt at a travel ban makes no more sense that the first attempt ever did. Hey, I don’t know if you’ve heard, but there’s no logical basis whatsoever to Trump’s crazy tariffs scheme. ( I do know that you’ve heard.) And finally, something to chew on for the weekend, perhaps: The various iterations of the “No Fly List” have always been secretive and baffling. Equally secretive and baffling has been the process (if there is one) for getting off* the list. Here’s a story that describes a little bit of how one Senator’s spouse landed on the list during the Biden administration, was successfully removed, and now faces… possible relisting by the Trump administration! As an added bonus, you’ll learn that another person who was on the list during the Biden administration is now… the Director of National Intelligence.
David Waldman and Greg Dworkin pull out all the stops on today’s KITM!
David predicted that North Korea would be the US Hassle Target of the Day, but who would guess that it would turn out to be Burma! That and every other country darker than Trump’s spray tan.
That’s the same criteria Stephen Miller has outlined for ICE deportations. The problem is, MAGA knows some of “those good ones”. They’d never eat dinner with those people, of course, but they sure enjoyed being served dinner by them. Time for Trump’s three-word EO: “No, not them.” Meanwhile, arrest the moms, arrest their kids, arrest them all, let Trump sort them out.
The Trump administration is spending $2 million to figure out whether those people cause plane crashes.
If the report comes to conclusions that Trump doesn’t like, they’ll bury it, like the recentAgriculture Department trade analysis. Or say it’s a Dem cult, like the American Bar Association, theCongressional Budget Office, or Jews.
Howard Lutnick wants retribution over reciprocity even when neither is deserved.
Trump cut nearly 2,500 NIH research grants as whatever the cure was wasn’t going to be named after him anyhow.
Elon Musk is gone but not forgotten. Big Balls carries on. ICE is hot for the DC career conscious, but that leaves the counter-terrorism field wide open for enterprising grocery store clerks like Thomas Fugate, whose eyebrow game in on point.
Andrew Cuomo is somehow, again, the guy to beat for NYC Mayor, while in Canada they like their winners a lot more than their losers.
David Waldman and Greg Dworkin are back, watch out Singapore! (Those two things are probably unrelated, but I still don’t understand how Transnistrians always get off.)
And to think, Donald thought Elon was his friend! Elon has privately expressed frustration on a range of recent moves by Trump administration… on X.com... which could be considered pretty private by now. Oh, those two will make up soon, they’re like brothers, really. Trump would never consider hurting Musk, not out of friendship of course, but because Trump always chickens out. However, if Musk ever weakens, Trump’s instinct will kick in, as the Federalist Society will attest.
The DOJ is reviewing Biden’s pardons. Not to ever diminish pardon power, but to hurt Joe Biden just a little more while they have a chance. No inconsistency there, deplorability is their lodestar, and the only dissonance they feel is when some gets on them.
The guy who used various incendiary devices against pro-Israel demonstrators undoubtedly wished for the efficiency and efficacy of an AR. Now, his wife and 5 kids will be deported… unless the kids are citizens, then I guess that they are “exiled”...
Authoritarians' greatest enemy are other people with authority granted to them through education or experience. That is why Donald K. Trump makes certain that the people close to him have neither. Who needs education or experience anyhow? Oh, yes… China.
Gops are proud idiots and will fight anyone who says otherwise. You wouldn’t believe what dopes and screwballs they are, which indeed has become their superpower.
Trump has an iPhone to dial up anyone, or butt-dial anyone, and sometimes the people he calls can tell the difference.
If you want to see how a democracy should be run, look no further than South Korea… You might not want to look any nearer, though.
TACO Tuesday! David Waldman gets us this far, at least.
Donald K. Trump wants to run the country and the world but needs to maintain his golf game. Donald juggles his many momentous obligations by, well, golfing. Also, Trump has his iPhone, which anyone, anywhere in the world can call anytime they want to hear a “Wha, huh?’ directly from the most powerful man on Earth... if he’s not text messaging.
This system worked perfectly while Elon was around. Musk has since moved on, but did pass on the gift of incel focus to his old pal Stephen Miller, who is now putting all of his newfound extra spare time into his job. It’s Stephen Miller vs. Harvard, only one will be left standing, unless of course, TACO.
Actor Jonathan Joss waskilled in a San Antonio shooting. Police see no evidence of a hate crime, other than Joss’ complaints of constant verbal harassment, his house being burnt to the ground, and his dog being beheaded... After all, you don’t need much of a reason to shoot someone in Texas.
Then there’s Texas' former solicitor general, who really knows how to put the “ass” in “asteroid” … or maybe vice versa.
Over in Idaho, Trump USDA nominee Michael Boren built himself a cabin on National Forest land, then diverted a stream and put in an airstrip just like a pioneer.
It’s June and David Waldman and Greg Dworkin are back to take another whack at it. Unlike some people you know, these guys never say die.
We begin this week under the cloud of another improvised flamethrower attack. If it is bad, you know who will be blamed.
Jodi Ernst visited her career in a graveyard this weekend following relinquishing any responsibility to her constituents residing in this mortal realm. Lindsey Graham hopes that Greta Thunberg doesn’t drown attempting to save the lives of Gazans… Not really, Lindsey is joking.
After making the US safe for comedy, Elon Musk is back to work, clean and sober and… joking! he’s lying on a couch until the room quits spinning before he goes out to stomp more anthills.
Tariffs are back on until Trump chickens out, as he always does, which is why he’s called TACO, and that is actually funny, because it’s true.
The Trump SCOTUS allowed Trump to revoke the temporary legal status of 500,000 immigrants from 4 countries.
Santa’s worst elf, Kash Patel, is off to a very bad start at the FBI but has plans to become really awful.
Who would have guessed that Trump’s fat ugly bill would not only ruin many people’s lives as advertised, but also contain lies about how it would ruin everyone’s lives? Mike Johnson believes people who go to hell are asking for it and he and Jodi Ernst will have a long time to discuss their philosophy.
Gop Jefferson Griffin lost his election, then lost his attempt to overturn it. The lesson that the DOJ got from that if you’re MAGA there are no lessons, because win or lose always makes somebody money.
Reality has a well-known liberal bias, and the Trump administration should have it fully eradicated very soon, definitely in the next two weeks. The DOJ wants to take law out of the consideration of judicial nominees. The NIH director’s last interest is in anything that the NIH does.
It’s Elon Musk is Going to Hell™ Day on KITM! It’s true! I mean, it really is that day, anyway. Though perhaps every day is that day. But what we’re really interested in is his ETA. The New York Times connects with a one-two combination today. First, Elon is a huge druggie. And second, that his legacy is starving 300,000 kids to death. His “boss,” meanwhile, shows us what happens when you apply White Panic Central Park Five thinking to immigration. For all the claims that they would target “criminals,” hardly any of the Venezuelans sent to CECOT have any record at all. Looks like the “worst of the worst” is another Every Republican Accusation is a Confession™ situation! But what can I tell you? Actually governing is hard work. Dan Boingoboingo is learning that as we speak! So that must be why the government has to make sure to hire only loyalist drones. And get all of its “intelligence” only from loyalist drones. And as back-up to all that, nominate to the bench only… more loyalist drones. Hey, remember that plane Qatar was “gifting” to Trump? Well, they might be stuck with the framing, but Qatar isn’t ready to put up with the supposed “transfer” to his “library.” Qatar wants to set the record straight! From the “It’d be Irresponsible Not to Speculate” files: It used to sound crazy to wonder whether the president of the United States was holding up a vaccine’s development in order to be cut in on the profits. Is that still the case?
David Waldman, Greg Dworkin and Thursday, together again. Nothing else seems to be right in the world, but that makes sense.
Sorry Hispanics! Trump Tower Grill has permanently removed the delicious taco bowl off its menu. Trump doesn’t want to hear the words “TACO”, nor “chicken”, ever again. He’d prefer you say that he was traitorously devaluing stocks to enrich insiders than to hurt him so. Trump’s tariffs have been halted by the “Court of International Trade”, which turns out to be an actual thing. America’s trading partners cautiously creep out into the sunlight to see if it’s safe. Tariffs might subside, but the damage is permanent. As with Trump 1.0, it’s hard to imagine the disaster if these people were competent.
House Gop Rep. Mike Flood explains that he’s just too stupid to be blamed for this mess.
Tariffs aren’t the only thing that Trump always chickens out on. Donald’s squealing louder about Harvard, because he’s starting to be backed up.
Elon Musk, who doesn't work at DOGE, is leaving DOGE, which doesn't exist, therefore, he’s not really going anywhere. Still, wherever Elon goes, federal money will follow. Elon will go down in history as… well, he won’t because he fired all of the historians.
Trump wants his henchman Emil Bove, the only guy “alive” who looks more like Stephen Miller than Stephen Miller, to be a federal judge in order to enable him to hench better. Miller presently has several reasons for his long face, one being his wife allegedly running off to “Master Race” with Elon Musk. An ugly future for this world, indeed.
Trump ratfucker Ed Martin’s new job is weaponizing the DOJ weaponization probes, while also brainstorming new MAGA underworld members to pardon. He’s almost run out of Republican congressmen to spring, but that’s because Trump has been shutting down investigations before they can become indictments.
Todd Chrisley walks out of prison showing off his “prison bod”, but that isn’t the bod that got him pardoned.
Woke Okies plan to opt-out of having their kids take part in the state’s White-Christian nationalist school curriculum or to even look at the superintendent.
David Waldman and Greg Dworkin recalled that today was Wednesday, and many more useful and interesting things on today’s KITM:
MAGA didn’t just move the Overton Window, they... threw it out the window. We now expect a punch in the face over a handshake. We expect losers to win, winners to lose, enemies to have our back, and fools to inform us.
How much should politicians follow political consultants and polls? Well, let’s consult the numbers with this expert!
Like no other president before him, Donald K. Trump feels the pain of jury-convicted celebrity tax-cheats and fraudsters who hate Joe Biden and arrange to give him $1 million or more up front.
Poor Elon! The only way Musk would ever get a Starship to Mars is if he took the stick and flew it himself.
MAHA! A-ha! “Ah... No” say the different factions of crazy in health nuts.
Honky Tonk Man wanted to be the “El Kabong” of WWF, but he was more like the “JD Vance” ... who btw has Jeb Bush charisma wrapped in Steven Miller whimsicality.
Meanwhile, Senate Democrats could do something, if only Senate Democrats did things. People who do fight Trump, do win.
David Waldman returns to the KITM helm following our three-day national holiday traditionally known as “President Bone Spurs’ Suckers and Losers Day”, or at least that is the tradition from this point on.
Donald K. Trump is going to teach Russia who’s the man here. Russia hates when it’s Trump’s time of the month. MAGA hates when mom and dad fight. Trump wants to wear the pants with Europe, but it’s kind of embarrassing when they keep dropping around his ankles. Europe doesn’t have to consent only because Trump feels the need to confirm his masculinity.
Trump doesn’t let all of that manliness get in the way of his caring empathy. Who else would have seen it in their heart to pardon a sheriff for felony bribery, the tax cheat whose mom dropped a million at Mar-a-Lago, or the guys who conspired to kidnap Governor Gretchen Whitmer, but our Donald? Trump absolutely does not care about the deficit though, which is just some fake number that he didn’t pull out of his ass.
Having a king running the country sounds like a good idea if you can vote for them and they don’t really run the country. Trump wants to be king but doesn’t mind if the courts want to pretend that he isn’t. The courts need to get some guns in case all this pretending gets out of hand.
It's Memorial Day, so Greg & I are having a BBQ breakfast, and knocking off for the day.
But I thought you might like a little something to play in the background, if you're grilling breakfast, too. How about something from back when That F-ing Guy was The Former Guy, and a criminal defendant, to boot?
Here's how things looked last year, at about this time:
David Waldman has had enough grilling and hammocking, back to the microphone!
Closing arguments have begun in the People of New York vs. Orange J. Turd, and well, he might not be as easy to flush as one would think standing outside the stall.
Once reelected, fake electors plan to fake elections better.
The Washington Post buried the Alito upside-down flag story for three years, because who doesn’t signal international distress when attacked by passive-aggressive lawn signs? Martha-Ann Alito ran a “novelty flag” up the pole to show reporters she wasn’t one to trifle with. Who knows what novelty flag she chose, it would depend on which county fair she bought it at. None of that explains the Alito Pine-Sol® flag at their beach home. In order to understand that, and the fast growing New Apostolic Reformation Christain Nationalist movement, you need not just one, but two comprehensive guides on hand. The Texas GOP platform calls for the Bible in schools, and for Texas dirt to have more of a vote than urban Blacks.
Ace KITM Correspondent Rosalyn MacGregor reports onSarah Leach, a West Michigan newspaper editor who tried to staff a dozen understaffed newsrooms before her employer, Gannett, fired her. Pumping out pink slime isn’t just cheaper, but no employees are more tractable than any employees.
Ohio Republicans are having fun keeping Joe Biden off the presidential ballot. Governor Mike DeWine might be an Ohio Gop, but as with COVID, he’s no idiot.
Trump was back in town, by which I mean my town, for his Big Crypto-Bribery Dinner. It’s like an invasion! These people are terrorists! And they probably have the tattoos to prove it! And if they don’t, we can make them have them, in totally undoctored photos!
Anyway, the good news is, Trump took their money and screwed them. So that’s nice.
The only problem with that is, he’s also gonna take your money and screw you. And if you take him to court and win, no you didn’t.
Constitushimal scholar Kristi Noem breaks the world record for the most wrong answer ever given to the question “What is habeas corpus?”
Of course, the “real” constimatushimal scholars aren’t doing much better. Maybe you’ve been hearing about this Humphrey’s Executor thing? Well, here’s what’s up.
Can’t believe those relatively smart-ish law nerds are chucking it all… for this!
The next round of deportation outrage. Not only is it dumber and more nonsensical, but it’s yet another example of the defiance everybody was totally gonna do something about next time it happens!
Just how dumb and nonsensical is it? Imagine this: It’s, like, 500 billion nonsensical! That’s a lot of nonsensical!
His bluebirds bouncing off the KITM World Headquarters transom windows might now be replaced by bluegills, yet David Waldman was able to arrive in freshly washed sweatpants to greet our birthday boy Greg Dworkin 🥳🤩🎂! Today, Greg received his absolute favorite gift: fresh polls!
The polls sure are looking good for a presidential election today! (Narrator: “There was no presidential election on that day.”) Inflation and the cost of living are more important than destroying federal government for most people, although destroying the lives of individual federal workers isn’t off the table. People are beginning to dislike Republicans. Of course, they continue to despise Democrats, so maybe Dems should hire a few consultants to put together a focus group or something...
Too late! Gops passed their fat and ugly TLDR bill. It was too long and complex for its Gop authors to read, and now too late for an interception on the 40-yard line.
Oh well, rules are rules, and even then, the Gops can get around them. The DOJ doesn’t need a Public Integrity Section anymore. The CDC doesn’t need to warn anybody about diseases anymore. The government doesn’t need to tell anyone where they sent you anymore. Nobody needs to invest in the United States anymore.
Most importantly for Donald K. Trump, no one is in his way anymore, and all of his toilets will be golden from this moment on. Donald has his golden 747 now, he doesn’t need permission, he doesn’t need excuses. He doesn’t really want it for Air Force One, he just wanted it, and that was enough.
It will still be interesting to watch how the next world leader handles the Oval Office hotseat.
DAVID! David Waldman hasn’t washed his clothes in days, but you can hardly tell that on today’s podcast. GREG! And Greg Dworkin bellies up to the bar with another raft o’ stories.
If actor George Wendt had ever run for office, he would have been the one most voters would have wanted to have a beer with. RIP Rep. Gerry Connolly, although even that won’t give him enough seniority to head some House committees.
The TLDR bill is stuck while Gops who say they’ll vote no but will definitely vote yes say they’ll vote no. Sure, they will be wrecking the economy for people in the short run, but in the long run they will really wreck the economy for people, with the exception of those people that they will kill. Thomas Massie isn’t falling in line at the moment, and at this moment Trump is mad about that.
Donald won’t keep his bib on... and keeps throwing his food on the floor... and keeps screaming… Oh for God’s sake, just let him have his toy already! Maybe then he’ll shut up and tell us his “new numbers” that he learned. What a smart boy!
Ashli Babbitt’s lawyers scored a big payday. Sure, beats working… maybe they can get the money directly from the police officers’ families? On the other hand, police won’t be held responsible for any future killings.
An FBI Agent goes public with a Russian intelligence operation that hooked Elon Musk and Peter Thiel, while American intelligence is being rewritten to not incriminate Donald K. Trump. Joe Kent, who likes more those more MAGA friendly intelligence reports, has been cast as Trump’s pretty boy to direct the National Counterterrorism Center.
Amazingly, we are still allowed to have elections. Gops fight to flip a NY Senate seat in a blue territory that Trump won in. Meanwhile, “reform DA” Larry Krasner won his primary on his way to his election in Philadelphia.
David Waldman delivers the Tuesday KITM, leaving the washing machine delivery to those trained professionals.
It sure seems like big man Donald K. Trump, tears in his eyes, begged like a dog for that Qatar 747, which is why it is, of course, Joe Biden’s fault. Biden and Scott Adams were just keeping it a secret.
Is Trump an idiot, a liar, or only joking? It’s that Trump “trinity”. All three can be individually true, and yet all the same thing, all at once. Others can only hope to be so triune but will never reach his perfection.
That’s why history is being scrubbed. News organizations are being extorted for interviewing his political opponents. Epidemics are disappearing. As did the lawyer for the Venezuelans deported to El Salvador. One white Afrikaner farmer was genocided last year. Thousands of refugees around the world send him their hopes and prayers.
New Jersey Rep. LaMonica McIver has been charged with a belly bump terrorist fist jab, not to be confused with a Jan 6 tourist ocular thumb massage.
The House, working on the “One, Big, Beautiful Bill Act” bill (Idiotic or a joke? See, there is no difference.) have disappeared their “nonprofit killer” provision, which could be a lie or a joke, like not cutting Medicaid, or evading the filibuster by following the rules.
Today, David Waldman and Greg Dworkin KITM to that rhumba beat, as we go chick chicky boom, chick chicky boom:
From Babalú! to Desilu! Long before CRT and DEI, there was of course, racism. Desi Arnaz with Lucille Ball brought function, profit and diversity to television.
The Gop TLDR budget bill slipped through during the night. Why bother to smuggle in evil little bills when their whole point is to deliver an evil huge bill? Once they find a way around the filibuster, the only hurdle left will be reality.
Donald K. Trump makes his triumphant return from the Middle East as master of the art of taking credit for the deals. He returns to his passion of military design, adding engines to fighter jets like Bob Ross adding happy little trees to paintings. No ugly black stealth planes though. We all know how this administration feels about blacks in the Air Force.
Trump has lost another global election, this time in Romania.
Pope Leo (Bob) XIII gave JD Vance the brushoff, but stepped forward to greet the President of Ireland. (You know where to find RTÉ News.)
If Trade deals are like dating and agreements are like marriage, Trump is the ex that needs a restraining order. (You know where to find Ana Cabrera.) 5 years after their separation, Britain and the EU are patching things up.
David Waldman returns, only to depart again. But that does not mean he can’t sit down and talk awhile!
Vendors are filing out of the 2025 Middle East Global Scam Expo today. This year’s ScamSpo headliners were an impressive list of world-class scum suckers, though some might assert that they lack the gravitas of past douche nuggets. If you are collecting plutocrat trading cards, now is the time to pick up aDina Powell.
It will take Donald K. Trump the weekend to pack all of his gift bags, but he might not yet be able to show off his big beautiful Emolument 747. Meh, Donald has 3-11 more years to top that swag.
Trump can hardly wait to get home and let Don Jr. try out his new bone saw. Tulsi Gabbard canned intelligence officials that she caught acting too intelligently, while She-Wolf of the DOJ, Pam Bondi, shall add humiliation to her toolbox of torture. If they run out of ideas, the 17 Mexican cartel members Trump brought into the US are certain to have some innovative suggestions. Team Trump is getting pretty good at disappearing people. RFK Jr. doesn’t remember those hundreds of scientists that were in his department a moment ago. The DHS misplaced who knows how many people. The FAA is pretty certain that fewer than 3000 air traffic controllers are MIA, but definitely more than one. The ICC’s chief prosecutor isn’t even certain that he’s still there anymore.
The Gop TLDR bill is having a tough time, because folks keep giving out spoilers to them. Republicans think they have a way to get around the filibuster… so do the Democrats. SCOTUS obviously can’t outright deny birthright citizenship, so obviously they will need to get craftier.
Today, David Waldman and Greg Dworkin take it to the next level but only find more pits to jump over.
Sauds are used to having guests “brown-nose” them, but they haven’t met anyone quite so into it as Donald K. Trump. Donald’s still over there, so there must be more silverware he can fit under his baggy suit. Useless Grok at ExTwitter can tell you what Trump’s scheme is but will probably blame it on White genocide.
Not even AI knows what Kash Patel did as a consultant for Qatar.
Even the New York Post can’t spin Qatar’s ‘Palace in the Sky’ plane as anything other than a bribe. It’s such an outrageous and obvious grift that Kristi Noem had to get in on it. She already has a $50 million jet but could always use others to match her outfits.
Don Jr. is making sure that he’s getting a taste. Elon Musk is having the US State Department force small African countries send him money, because it’s always more fun to take money from poor people. DOGE doesn’t amuse Elon anymore, so Gops will need a plan B.
Now that there’s more blood in the water than water, Dems are beginning to smell it. Oregon’s attorney general is suing to block Trump’s tariffs. Omaha, Nebraska has flipped blue in a big way. In New Jersey, six Democratic candidates are trying to squeeze through the primary door. Kamala Harris leads Donald Trump in the 2024 election! Unfortunately, they aren’t accepting votes on that anymore, but House seats are coming up. FREE KILMAR!
To the world, authoritarian countries begin to resemble their leaders, and the US is becoming an old, orange-faced jackass. Walmart will be passing tariff costs to the consumer. The bond market doesn’t see us recovering.
Meanwhile, birthright citizenship seems like a pretty obvious right. Trump demands that SCOTUS declare everyone who thinks that “pre-wrong”, or at least “pre-stupid”.
David Waldman is not “live” today but instead is living the life out and about from KITM World Headquarters. Following yesterday’s show David took another swig of throat tea and just kept talking authoritatively about the news for another couple of hours.
No problem, there was plenty of Donald K. Trump corruption and duplicity to go over.
Losing only three F/A-18 Hornets, the US Navy defeated Houthi rebels by giving them the “time out” hand signal and sailing over the horizon. The Middle East victories just keep on coming… just not for the United States. Elon Musk sold Saudi Arabia on Starlink, so Musk’s on/off switch for civilization will soon be installed worldwide. Musk is still having plenty of success worming his way into US government, showing there’s no hard feelings from his most hilarious joke in all history, DOGE.
Congress couldn’t have guessed that Trump would try to take over all of government, after all, it never came up in any of their focus groups. Now, it’s the judiciary’s turn to be surprised.
Meanwhile, Donald can tell Tina Peters is innocent just by looking at her, the same legal process he used for those South African refugees who look like they just stepped off a tour bus in Branson. Due process only gets in the way of Trump’s common sense.
Tuesday brings us David Waldman and KITM, brought to you by Cadillac, The King o’ Kars! Well, it could be if they gave us a couple Celestiqs… Celestiqes… but it wouldn’t change us at all.
Look at Donald K. Trump. That guy takes bribes all the time, and he never changes. If anything, it just makes him more so. Qatar is pro-Hamas, but Donald is pro-having their free plane. Trump is in the Middle East to get stuff, and the only way he’d sell out America is if it was tied to him getting more stuff, so...
Americans seem to be becoming less reassured by Trump’s complete venality. Gops grow quiet. Dems grow gonads. I mean, Chuck FN Schumer!
David Waldman throws the news at us and dives for cover.
Greg Dworkin tells us that the worst is by design, and he brings the receipts from around the world.
Trump makes the world safe for White flight. Donald stopped the war between India and Pakistan using only his mind. He is now wishing the war in Gaza to end. Who’s Ukraine? Maybe they got him coffee one time.
South Korea’s conservatives throw everything up in the air to see if it all falls into place. Germany wishes to ignore their far-right, but they are a noisy bunch.
After 40 years, the Kurdish group PKK says, “Oh well, it was worth a try.”
In Virginia, they have no one to blame but themselves but probably won’t.
So, Qatar is sending Trump a giant golden palace of a 747. Hey, can’t a country give their buddy a thing without everyone suddenly questioning it? The White House said Ceci n'est pas une émolument, or something to that effect. Anyhow, Trump is only borrowing it until he keeps it... that’s not “corrupt”, it’s called “being smart”. You’d have to be a radical Left Trump hater to say otherwise.
Trump said “tariffs”, setting off another sheep stampede. Time for another executive order to yell at another cloud, this time to demand that prices go down from up where they are. Drug prices should go down once the customer base passes away. James Bond still can rest easy, his car shopping remains tariff-free.
Insult to Nazis, Steven Miller, is thinking about suspending habeas corpus, inspiring fantasies of abusing his corpus. David explains habeas corpus, as does just about everyone with a keyboard this morning. We have always been at war with Eastasia.
Newark Mayor Ras Baraka refused to take the bait at an ICE detention center, but that didn’t keep them from arresting him. He’s lucky they didn’t send in Seal Team 6.
Today, David Waldman reports that the Pope is Catholic. The results of the KITM investigation into the bears of our local woods will be revealed on Monday’s show.
100% of the world’s supply of Popes is now proudly made in the USA. (Available in S, M, & L.) White Sox fan Bob Prevost is now Pope Leo XIV, a new chosen name and identity most won’t have trouble respecting. The Antichrist is laying low at the moment, but the Pope is already on the record with his biases, which to some theologians don’t ring patriotic. Anyhow, Leo now has an advantage in future Thanksgiving table family arguments.
Oops! The USS Harry S. Truman lost its third F/A-18 Super Hornet. Well, it has a pretty good idea of where they left them... Ever since Pete Hegseth decided to replace every 100 soldiers with a gorilla, things just haven’t been quite the same.
Pete can return to drowning all his troubles with fellow former Fox host Jeanine Pirro, now interim U.S. attorney in Washington, D.C. There’s got to be some ambassadorship left somewhere for Ed Martin.
Team Trump looked around and says, “Wait, are we the baddies?” Then said, “Meh” and broke for lunch. Laura Loomer wants to begin actual witch hunts. Trump Surgeon General pick Janette Nesheiwat had a troubled youth, with just a touch of patricide. Trump doesn’t know why he makes these decisions, maybe Bobby told him to. RFK Jr.’s former running mate thinks perhaps Bob’s mind is being controlled.
The FBI will be investigating Trump prosecutors for whatever they accused Trump on. The EPA will discontinue the Energy Star program, after all, who trusts what the government says anymore?
Greg Dworkin helps launch us into the weekend, with a rapid-fire roundup that somehow made a detour to Madison Square Garden.
There’s a new terrible Surgeon General nominee in town (who may or may not be into the raw milk thing), the old one having been chucked over on Laura Loomer’s say-so! But there won’t be much new baby gear in town, thanks to those tariffs. Any port in a storm, they say. But not in a trade war. And certainly not if it’s on the Gulf of Mexico.
Speaking of which, I don’t know if any other countries are going to listen to us about that renaming project. But I know they’re not listening to us on the anti-DEI project. Why would they?
Why, exactly, is Elon Musk hoovering up so much government data? It’s irresponsible not to speculate!
North Carolina’s long regional nightmare is over. Incredibly, a Trumper appears to be listening to a judge! But maybe that’s because he wanted to be a judge.
Trump’s memecoin is a huge corruption scandal. Which (necessarily) means that its benefits skew entirely toward his wealthiest boosters. (Well, except one of them!) Especially the foreign ones. Strongly-worded letter to follow?
In the House, Trump’s “one big, beautiful bill” doesn’t look so attractive anymore. But that’s life with a razor-thin majority, I guess.
Trump and courts still just don’t really mix. His DOJ gets its ass handed to it in a key immigration case, with another egregious case—deportations to Libya!—likely next on the track.
The kids are alright. But they’ve elected an anti-pope! They may still be alright, but this DOGE kid isn’t.
David Waldman and Greg Dworkin are back on the Wednesday KITM, and probably still aren’t AI generated, although honestly, have you ever actually seen them?
Are Jesus and Buddha space alien lizard people? Trump TV is as unglued as Trump. AI chatbots will encourage you to believe this and much more while they take over your job, and eventually your life. In real life, Kari Lake is making One America News the Voice of America.
Apple juice will be one of the first things wiped off the shelves by the Trump tariff tsunami.
Ed Martin was intended to make MAGA great again but is too MAGA to even get out of committee.
Oh, so now disengaged voters are becoming engaged? Well, maybe too late is better than never. Dotard Donald is becoming more doddering with every passing day, and he’s completely lost his bullshit fastball. If only Democrats said what they mean, mean what they said, and got stuff done, it’d be so simple.
If you can’t imagine a worse fate for migrants than being kidnapped and sent to El Salvador, you don’t have the into-the-box imagination of a Steven Miller. Picture what awaits deportees to Libyan or Rwandan prisons!
At war with Houthi rebels, the Navy has resorted to the tactic of throwing fighter jets at them.
What has Ron DeSantis done for Trump lately? Not much, so into the meatball machine Ron goes.
It’s Tuesday, time for David Waldman to freestyle the Tuesday Freestyle KITM! Anyway:
Donald K. Trump is an idiot, but he is also the President and shouldn’t use his stupidity to avoid responsibility. Nevertheless, Trump is incredibly irresponsible, very dumb, and quite likely to behave that way.
Linda McMahon makes Donald Trump look like Atticus Finch. McMahon is such a dunce that the Education Department would rather go anonymous than quote the boss’s letter directly.
Trump demands that the DOJ spring Tina Peters from the Colorado state pen. Trump will be announcing something in the next two weeks, but it probably won’t be Ed Martin’s confirmation to attorney for Washington, DC.
There exist morons too demented for this administration. Non-morons, however, are welcome, such as the folks at Palantir, who’ll do anything for a buck, and who made 300 billion of those this year.
Meanwhile, what’s left of US intelligence has determined that Venezuela is not in a forever war with us, and that we don’t need to forever imprison them in El Salvador. Trump fully understands and will send them to Rwanda instead.
Skype or no Skype, David Waldman and Greg Dworkin remain ready to entertain and inform us for another week or so, at least.
What incomprehensibly stupid thing did Trump do or say this weekend? What incomprehensibly stupid thing didn’t he say or do?
Trump will make America great again by sending people to Alcatraz again, and by sending troops into Mexico, again.
Trump announced 100% tariffs on Endor, Andor, and Xandar until they send all their greenscreens back to Burbank and Berea.
Like a snowball disproves global warming, Wall Street stocks are proving tariff skeptics wrong. When nothing comes into port, however, nothing goes onto shelves.
Donald could make a smart move in the Abrego Garcia case if he wanted to, but no one can make him. ICE will stop even ideas from crossing the border.
Little Marco Rubio is now Team Trump’s main man. All he had to do was lose a little of his attitude. Which Republican will have the courage to step forward? That would suppose that there are any of them that aren’t incomprehensibly stupid, wouldn’t it?
Around the world, fewer want to MAGA, the more they learn about it, while this administration eliminates our transnational crime unit before too many wise up.
David Waldman gets us to the weekend, normally the time the crazy really cranks up. Anymore, it’s normally crazy, crazy is the new normal, and you don’t want to be caught acting normal, or people will think you’re crazy.
Donald K. Trump wants the US to start celebrating our victories, including our imaginary ones. It beats fighting imaginary wars with our imaginary enemies. We are now in a forever war with Venezuela but aren’t starting to bomb them yet.
At least, no bombing runs have been announced on Michael Waltz’ Signal account. Waltz’ Signal hasn’t been shut down though, Waltz and the crew have only moved their leaks to a different department.
Steve Witkoff has been put in charge of endangering the world. Marco Rubio gets all the Jared Kushner jobs this time around.
From Ukraine to slashing U.S. institutions, Trump plays into Putin’s hands, yet did Peter Navarro save democracy by destroying the economy? But wait! The economy might rebound just in time to fund the Trump dictatorship! Either way, friends of Trump, that is, friends of Trump’s graft will be sick of all the winning.
David Waldman and Greg Dworkin discuss the first 100 days; the next 100 we might need to take a day at a time.
Virginia’s Abigail Spanberger kind of leans Democrat, as so does her race for Governor in the state.
The Senate almost stood up to Trump on Tariffs, almost. JD Vance finally found his special purpose.
The US economy is beginning to cave in. It is weird how that seems to coincide with the Trump Tariffs. Trump explains that anything going wrong in this term will be Joe Biden’s fault, and to just wait for his third or so term to make any judgement. In the meantime, you might need to cut back to two dolls or two Big Macs when you had planned on buying maybe 30.
Pete Kegsbreath can’t be more of an idiot, although he does put in daily effort to do so. Pete attended Trump’s latest anal appreciation session and was personally singled out by Trump, which is a sure sign that… Mike Walz was to be bumped off. Oh well, plenty of morons where he came from.
ICE isn’t allowed to deport people, so how about the DoD? Ok, it’s the DMV, then. Donald asked if Abrego Garcia could come back, but El Salvador said no, so that’s that. The US has finally arranged to drink Ukraine’s milkshake. Purportedly. Trump and paperwork, man. When it comes to Harlem vs. Harvard, Donald prefers the one where Blacks know their place.
Trump is unconcerned with laws, because he plans to be the law.
If you really enjoy grifting, go where the graft is, the Executive Branch. If you want to appeal to Democrats… I don’t know, go wherever you see those hippy types. More Democrats need to go wherever Chris Murphy and Elizabeth Warren are.
The Frick and Frack of facts and fun, David Waldman and Greg Dworkin close out the month with today’s KITM.
Hoo boy are the next 100 days going to be awful. The Trump Tariffs Tsunami has begun to reach landfall and will be lapping over our hairlines in only weeks. Tourists are staying away in droves. Americans don’t support Donald K. Trump on the economy. They don’t support him on a lot of things. In fact, Americans don’t support Trump on so many levels, that if they had any other viable choice than Democrats to pick from, they’d have already fled to whomever that would be… even so, Trump is feeling pretty threatened. Like any wild animal, Trump has an instinctual defense ready: stupid lies. The more he’s threatened, the more lies, and the more stupidity until Trump’s pursuer gives up, or until Karoline Leavitt saves him. Karoline has her work cut out for her, as Trump would have dug all the way to ‘Gina in his ABC interview had Terry Moran only allowed him to.
She-Wolf of the DOJ, Pam Bondi, will tell you that Donald personally saved the lives of one third of the United States population in only 100 days. I mean, what more can you ask?
Trump says he “could” bring Abrego Garcia back from El Salvador, but doesn’t feel like it. A Fortune 500 company fired their lawyer who helped an immigrant family. The Turner Diaries is the MAGA Constitution.
El Salvador is in it for the money, crypto money, and by coincidence so is the Trump family.
Believe it or not, Trump has a trust problem in the courts. Trump’s lawyers aren’t helping by being assholes. LeBron James of lawyers, Steven Biskupic, will be defending the Judge arrested by Trump’s FBI. Steven’s LeBron James of a sister will be reporting.
It’s Taco Tuesday, the day that David Waldman gives you something to taco ‘bout.
You know that anything called the “crown jewel” of the justice department would soon become the “urinal cake” of the Trump administration, and that’s just what’s happened to the DOJ civil rights division now that “civil rights” have been removed from their to-do lists.
What happens when courts can’t trust the executive branch? Well, they can’t, therefore the executive branch has no choice but to place the courts under arrest.
In order to make DOGE “pre-legal”, the White House just won’t pay what it owes, and in a month and a half those receiving no money will feel similar to how they would if their budgets were lawfully cut.
Over the last 100 days, Donald K. Trump has certainly disrupted government for the better. Out with the antiquated and obsolete, in with the new, the state-of-the-art, the avant-garde. Check out Canada, eh! Congratulations to Mark Carney, and good luck in defending your great country to that scourge to the south.
Busy day today! David Waldman has not one, but two days of Trump embarrassment to cover while Greg Dworkin hauls in not one, but two big Rafts O’ Stories™!
Donald K. Trump is a weak loser and everything he does sucks. The yutes that thought they’d love him are beginning to hate him. Bringing back Columbus Day from the ashes may not be the October surprise he and Gops hope for. New York Republican Mike Lawler found out how much Trump stink rubs off at his recent town hall.
Trump wants to see the people that complain at these town halls to be not “treated nicely”. Some nuances to that request need to be worked out, as the six men now criminally charged in the assault of Teresa Borrenpohl in Idaho can attest. OTOH, unidentified balaclava-hooded men accosted people in a Virginia courthouse, and the people who challenged their authority will be the ones prosecuted.
Trump demands that people who might not like him are thrown out, fired or arrested. That’s a lot of people, and that number will only grow. Taking out the judiciary is certain to streamline his process.
Milwaukee County Circuit Judge Hannah Dugan has been charged with two felonies as an example to uppity judges. A former New Mexico judge has now been arrested for protecting a guy ICE thought really seemed MS-13ish.
60 Minutes Executive Producer Bill Owens quit, and correspondent Scott Pelley pretty much announces that the show will be crap from now on. Summer Redstone didn’t think that his daughter Shari Redstone should take over Viacom/Paramount. Turns out, the old man was right.
All of this disgust that Trump and the Gop are earning might be good news for Democrats, had anyone liked Democrats. Democrats demand moderation! Or, to fight back! Or, to move right! Or, to redefine themselves! Or, to STFU. What was the question again?
If Paul Krugman can do a video podcast from the inside of a cargo hold under a bare lightbulb, David Waldman can from the KITM World Headquarters Bluebird Aviary and Bistro. Law student economic analyst boy genius Nathan Tankus can stop by any weekday morning for a cup of throat tea and chat.
Donald K. Trump heads to Rome, to the funeral of Pope Francis, to charm, tariff and annex the Catholic church, and... uhm, “pay his sincere respects” to the deceased pontiff. MAGA doesn’t get it, after all, Catholics aren’t useful for the Rapture or anything. Maybe Donald can art-of-the-deal the Vatican into turning their crucifixes into $TRUMP or have Melania model for some Mary statues or something.
Vengeance is Trump’s, and he has a lot of smiting planned upon his return. Trump wants to fire Harvard’s lawyer for being Harvard’s lawyer. The New England Journal of Medicine got a letter from Trump inquisitor Edward R. Martin Jr. who noted a hint of pro-scientific heresy. Witchfinders General are gathering kindling for ActBlue’s pyre. And yet, Trump is merciful. Michele Fiore, known as “Lady Trump” stole money for plastic surgery, but is now a vindicated soul whose prayers were heard by Trump, who has freed her, possibly so she could get some more plastic surgery.
Somehow, this spirit of forgiveness has radiated out to Ron DeSantis, thanks to his state Attorney General, who has enough of his own fraud to worry about, and She-Wolf of the DOJ, Pam Bondi, whose motto is “No one is above the law” yet leaves quite a bit below the law.
Trump speaks in tongues; disciples turn it into gospel.
Elon Musk never speaks the truth, because where’s the amusement in that? He isn’t amused with DOGE at the moment, as not everyone there has his erudite sense of humor. Having old people explain that they are still alive in order to pay their bills is hilarious, no matter what people say.
David Waldman and Greg Dworkin stand athwart chaos yelling Stop. But chaos never listens.
Pete Kegsbreath wasn’t allowed a phone in the Pentagon, so he had Signal installed on his computer. For our national security we clearly need to find the 5th grader who keeps advising Pete. Now he’s asking for a makeup studio with a lock on the door.
All that would seem kind of scandalous, until you hear what his boss is up to. There’s the Trump Tariffs, which could be at any level on any country as you read this, but it doesn’t matter. The damage has already been done, and in a few weeks that tsunami will make landfall. It’s easy to predict the destruction and lawsuits are in preparation. Trump has some new and old lies prepared, and some will be prepared to believe them. After all, look at how Elon Musk’s transparent lies always boost his stocks. Maybe a couple of big flags will help.
Trump's deportation machine keeps growing, as do the lies. Migrants keep going to El Salvador, despite court orders. Donald K. Trump explains that trials would take a lot of time and effort, and we need to deal with masses of offenders quickly and efficiently if we want a real final solution to our illegals problem.
Generally, people don’t approve of these things. Trump’s approval rating is lower than the “worst president in history”, which is also of course, him. ICE trucks cruising around like ice cream trucks seem to have soured Hispanic support. Trump would rather be feared than liked, but he has a real problem with not being liked as well.
The only people more insecure than Trump or even Elon Musk are the incels too poor to afford to pay women to pretend to like them. They hope Trump will tariff women into relieving their 100% sex trade deficit.
David Waldman and Greg Dworkin catch us up on the previous crazy:
Tariffs on! Tariffs off! Whose idea was it to put the world economy on Donald’s Clapper? Trump doesn’t really care that what he said actually effected the economy or people. He just watches the applause-o-meter, and it turns out that either cheers or boos spike that thing. Anyhow, being a dictator will soon allow him to order everyone to clap.
60 Minutes Executive Producer Bill Owens believes that there is a difference between real and fake news, so he quit. His coworkers are shocked at Bill’s departure, but their solidarity does not yet extend to their unemployment. Of course, blood in the water always leads to a Trump feeding frenzy.
Things are looking grim for democracy. The Trump administration wants to make us too afraid to look out for one another. They plan to make us more afraid, or to just give up… There goes Dick!
Meanwhile ammunition runs thin among the defenders of Pete Kegsbreath. Don Jr. and the MAGA corps are thinking of fragging their commander. Markwayne Mullin Leeeeroooy Jenkins into the breach. Follow Markwayne on… on second thought, leave him there.
The “He/She’s no angel” attack falls flat when you see how it can happen to you. Hundreds of college students get their visas renewed, for now. But, who has the time to give everyone a trial? Or bury each person in their own grave?
Scandals, outrages, and dramas, David Waldman’s got them all on today’s KITM:
How did Lindsey Halligan do it? From a leaky roof case, right into being“Assistant to the President for Domestic Policy and the Special Assistant to the President and Senior Associate Staff Secretary”. Donald K. Trump sure has an eye for those talents required to make America great again! Lindsey is now in charge of refocusing the Smithsonian Institution away from insignificant, trivial “world” history, and towards awesome, strong “USA” history… at least the good bits.
There should be a wing devoted to Trump executive orders, and a few acres allotted to his social media edicts and proclamations. Lifetimes will be devoted to making sense of his nonsense.
Donald must regret not hiring exclusively off of the Mar-a-Lago veranda to fill his cabinet positions. Himbo Pete (Hic!)seth was clearly a step in the wrong direction, and Don Jr. might be a little jealous.
Who needs billions when you are as masculine as Elon Musk? If you are so beta that you need brakes on your car, then maybe a Tesla isn’t the car for you. On the other hand, a Tesla’s odometer isn’t based on “miles”, but on how far it “feels” like it’s been driven.
If your measure of manliness is imagining hit squads hunting you down and animals eating your adversaries, Michael “Smashmouth” Caputo is your manly man.
Meanwhile, people picked up by ICE who were about to head to El Salvador now feel like they are waking up from a nightmare, while Trump lawyers ordered to facilitate Abrego García’s release still believe that was just a dream.
Easter candies and matzo crackers go on sale this week! No white smoke yet though, so David Waldman and Greg Dworkin were both available to work on today’s show.
The Pope met with JD Vance, then… Marjorie Taylor Greene rejoiced, but not hardly as much the Antichrist, who posted self-exultations in his triumph over the forces of good, then went golfing.
Pete Kegsbreath's phone seems to have sucked up the contact info of his wife and brother to include them in another Signal war-room chat... Shaaa-(Hic!)-zam! Darn those anonymous (cough, mike waltz) smears! If it weren’t for all of those snitches, Pete would still be doing a great job! Facts just keep making Hic-seth look bad, like they do Homeland Security Secretary Kristi Noem losing her purse with $3000 in cash, or R-S.C. Nancy Mace losing her ever-loving mind with a voter. Or the latest IRS commissioner… or the one before him, or the one before, or the one before. Or the six thugs who assaulted a woman in that Idaho town hall.
Elon Musk is no genius, but he’s no dummy.
Even with so many idiots, the terror escalates. American citizens are being swept off to detainment centers even as Senator Chris Van Hollen and most of the Supreme Court fight to make things right. MAGA DNGAF and think that’s cool. Trump’s plan in Ukraine is “rape, pillage, kill”, similar to their plan for universities, if they’d just let them.
Senior citizens, boomers and boomers-at-heart are at the heart of nationwide Trump protests.
On today’s KITM, David Waldman delivers us to the weekend and parks us right under the cloud of another mass shooting. Well, you can’t say this shooter was the quiet type who always kept to themselves that you’d never guess…
Senator Chris Van Hollen went to El Salvador and met Kilmar Abrego Garcia, yet neither one of their heads have appeared on pikes behind Donald K. Trump in a press briefing, so I guess things are better than I thought, and less what Sebastian Gorka wishes they were.
A judge has also kept Trump from ordering hundreds of thousands of Cubans, Haitians, Nicaraguans and Venezuelans to leave the country, but like the heads on pikes, we don’t know what this weekend will bring.
Trump did promise to end the war in Ukraine easily within 24 hours. Of course, if it takes longer, or becomes difficult, that offer is void.
Measles and E. coli spread, but not as fast as Russian chatbot disinformation.
David Waldman and Greg Dworkin are here today, with a 50% reduction in staffing projected for tomorrow. You don’t even want to know what is planned for Saturday.
Hey, any human system will produce simple clerical errors, amirite? And afterwords, lie about it, lie again, and again, then stonewall any investigation, then smear and threaten the investigators, then really threaten the investigators, I mean we’ve all been there… Oh lord, Kilmar Abrego Garcia is already dead, isn’t he?
The thing that Trump does, before he quits doing it, is do it as bad as he can, so we can expect a lot worse. People are fighting back even as fighting back becomes riskier. MAGA, meanwhile, demands even more scalps. Trump will get high-flow showerheads and incandescent bulbs and coal power whether anyone else wants them or not. Especially if no one wants them. Who’s going to tell him differently?
Well, Trump did call off a strike on Iran nuclear sites. We’ll probably find out how that happened in the next (Hic) seth leaks… if we don’t read it on Signal first.
Law firms who had let Donald pussygrab them might soon be dismayed to find him coming back for more. The Ivy League resistance, however, is just getting started.
Remember Ron DeSantis? Donald K. Trump doesn’t, so Ron has been having an increasingly difficult time keeping accountability from creeping up on him. Speaking of creeps, Frederick Piccolo Jr., a former Ron DeSantis spokesman, was caught exposing his Freddy Piccolo Jr. 4 too many times.
Remember Mike Lindell? No, me neither.
David Waldman brings us to today’s KITM, which is certainly a day. Greg Dworkin joins us with a slew packed into his Raft O’ Stories™!
What happens if a president and the federal government fail to follow a judge's orders? This administration couldn’t just Google the answer to that, could they? If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything. But, if you only lie, you also don’t need to remember anything, yet you have nothing to be responsible for. Of course, judges have to come along and harsh everyone’s mellow.
Trump has a point; El Salvador’s Hotel California is intended to be our NIMBY death-camp. Americans hate it when clerical errors happen in front of our faces. If people return from being disappeared, it kind of defeats the purpose.
Harvard University has decided to defeat Trump’s purpose, which might cost them a couple of billion in funding. Then again, Columbia has turned about, and hopefully other universities are taking notes. Meanwhile, Maine is showing other states how it’s done.
Canadians are quick studies. The slowest of the slow learners, incumbent Democrats, are just beginning to find out. Are they bright enough to come out against the Trump Tariffs, though? Trump’s Tariff Disaster might last longer than the dollar. Time for coders to retrain as coal miners, and preschoolers to jumpstart their careers in operating textile looms.
Luckily, Elon Musk has been incel-seeding his own master race, for exactly these circumstances. Rumor has it that Elon’s way past second base with Shivon Zilis… She could be the one! Civil rights are for losers.
Shortly after yesterday’s show, David Waldman thought of some more stuff he wanted to tell you. If anything else comes up, we will be sure to let you know tomorrow.
If you’re one of KITM’s many hardcore MAGA followers, you’re probably reading this in your local rural diner, sipping a cup o’ joe, digging into your confit pork belly and rye pain with extra cheese, contemplating how you’ve become objectively superior in all ways to all people, and frankly just hotter than everyone around you... That’s when you get that text from Elon wondering where you are and telling you to get back to work… sigh.
DOGE never was about finding fraud and saving money. It’s always been about digitally couping for the lulz. It’s about taking what they want because they can. It’s about knocking the biggest things over, then daring anyone to prove that they did it.
Why, that’s obviously immoral, illegal, inhuman! Oh look, now they want reparations...
The weekend provided no respite from tariff whiplash. And the tariff whiplash (and attendant cheerleading) just drove the rest of the economy that much further down. Greg Dworkin even titled the APR with a warning. And of course, when you’ve lost Ross Douthat, you’ve temporarily lost Ross Douthat.
Trump spent the weekend snubbing VIPs and watching the wrong people win sporting events.
In other weekend excitement—or incitement, as the case may be—there was a little extracurricular activity at the Pennsylvania Governor’s mansion.
Nayib Bukele is in town today. “Cool!” We’ll see whether he “facilitates” Trump’s defiance of the courts, or moots the whole issue (which he, like me, sees as just a contracts issue) by “gifting” Kilmar Abrego García back to the United States. Either way, we’re preparing to ship still more people to El Salvador, despite the 90% “error” rate. And this extremely poor record is impacting evidence-free student round-ups not at all!
The protests continue this weekend. Good thing, too!
New for your radar: Binance wants the regulatory dogs called off, while it’s busy trying to bribe Trump.
And the latest trend in DOGE sleight-of-hand: declaring immigration targets “dead,” so that they lose their benefits, work papers, insurance, bank accounts, and pretty much everything else that makes it possible to live here. Which is the idea, of course.
Happy Going! We’re all getting punchy heading into the weekend, as if the weekend will be a breather for any of us. David Waldman effectuates our weekending KITM, and I facilitate that with this summary, I hope.
Donald K. Trump pardoned a corporation, yet has not appointed a horse to Senate, which might be more of a late term thing. Polytheism seems to be wearing thin in Trump/Musk circles, with Elon Musk’s pride goething before his fall. Thou shalt bow down thyself only onto Trump in Cabinet meetings. (Graven images available at the door.)
Two people guilty of not praising Donald enough are being investigated for treason, while Trump shops for his presidential Luger. Marco Rubio is punishing the country of South Sudan for not accepting the Democratic Republic of the Congo citizen he sent there by mistake. The commander of a Greenland military base was ousted when she failed to rattle her saber loudly enough for JD Vance. US tells Greenland “I see you have Injuns! We have Injuns!” Kennedy Center president Richard Grenell believes people boycotting the Kennedy Center hate Republicans, when mostly they hate Richard Grenell.
What happens when the courts can’t trust the Executive Branch? Well, we are about to find out, because the courts can’t trust the Executive Branch. Learn more about courts of equity, such as the Court of Chancery.
Kash Patel plans to work remotely in his FBI position but wasn’t remotely working in his ATF job.
Hey now… there’s no proof that Marjorie Taylor Green participated in insider trading this week, or placed pipe bombs prior to Jan 6… It just looks like that.
RFK Jr. will discover the cause of autism by this fall, but if you have cancer, you’ll need to wait a little longer.
It’s only TLDR if you don’t take the time to read it! How did the President lose and when did he lose it in the SCOTUS Alien Enemy Act case? Curtis Yarvin always wanted to destroy the United States and the global economy, yet somehow still feels empty inside.
Today on KITM, David Waldman and Greg Dworkin are back! Of course, you expected them to, but how often do things go as expected anymore?
If you thought it was profitable lurking on Pete Hegseth’s signal chats, just think of being on Don Jr. or MTG’s alerts yesterday! Democrats not on the friend lists are sternly authoring letters at this moment. Who’d guess that Donald K. Trump would use tariffs to reward his friends, when everyone just assumed that he was only using them to punish his enemies? Well, following Trump’s victory/defeat, we can put that behind us, except that it hasn’t changed and it’s still coming…. The apocalypse has been only delayed, until DOGE can make a run on the banks as fun as a run on the stock market.
Congress could take tariff authority back from Trump tomorrow, it’s just that they’ve arranged for tomorrow to not arrive this year. As for today, you knew Republicans weren’t going to stick around through recess debating their big horrible bill. (Including Jared Golden (Maine), Marie Gluesenkamp Perez (Wash.), Henry Cuellar (Texas) and Ed Case (Hawaii).
Golden Trump bust lapel pins are the new American Flag on Republican lapels as Trump directs Pam Bondi, She Wolf of the DOJ, to find capital offences with people who weaponized politics at him. Trump has an Article 2 which allows him to call for 2nd Amendment solutions on anyone. They were just putting Henrry Villatoro Santos blindfold on when they had to let him go.
Elon Musk needs to buy his elections more discreetly.
Tulsi Gabbard declared her residency in Texas, then voted in Hawaii… Look a squirrel, on that grassy knoll!
A thunder of jets in an open sky... A streak of gray and a cheerful "Hi"! A loop, a whirl, a vertical climb, and once again you know it's time for the adventures of David J. Waldman, his pal Greg Dworkin, KITM and friends!
We are at the dawn of the Trump Tariff era, and the sunset of every other era anyone would want to live in. Sure, the Trump tax will cost America trillions of dollars in the most regressive and destructive way imaginable. But many fictional economists do advocate for the measure, ready to put their fictional necks on the line if things go wrong. MAGA welcomes the new people’s revolution. After all, nothing will build character in today’s youth more effectively than a lifetime working on collective farms.
(Elon Musk says, “Uh, wait a minute.” Donald K. Trump says, “How about 90 days Mr. Musk?”)
Musk doesn’t need the US when he has the rest of the world’s teat to suck. Does Trump really need tariffs when just threatening them gives him all of the “Please Sir” stories he ever needs? Trump can make up all of the “Please Sir” stories he’ll ever need. Follow Aaron Rupar on Blue Sky… Blue Sky… Blue Sky!
Who needs to threaten tariffs when you can threaten to bomb Mexico and Panama? Why intimidate citizens when you can make them disappear?
We can still have elections, and there’s a bunch of them this month. Not all judges are Texan, not even Trump appointed judges. Meanwhile, Dems are working harder and Gops are hardly working.
Are you back in high school? Have your pants disappeared? Yes, you are in the middle of a nightmare... Lucky you. Waking nightmares are much more frustrating.
At least we have David Waldman on KITM to explain some of the horrors befalling us.
Bette Midler refused to dance with Donald K. Trump at Studio 54. That was the moment Donald’s mind ceased to function, trapping him forever in the early 80’s. Now, we are trapped with him. So, who’s to blame for the Trump Tariffs? Uhm… Elon Musk? No, probably not. How about Peter Navarro? Maybe it’s Howard Lutnick? Or could it be JD Vance’s fault for these Trump Tariffs?
No one has figured out who is responsible for the Trump Tariffs, but there will be a $100 million, 4-mile-long parade to honor Generalissimo K. Trump on his birthday.
Meanwhile, Gops will raise the debt limit to $5 trillion, and cut taxes by $5 trillion, because at this point, why not? Blue states can officially drop dead. For those who care about an excuse for SignalFiascoGate, here’s one. Complaints and suggestions are always welcome, just remember to fill out your name and address legibly for a quick response! Judges in Texas are standing by to habeas your corpus onto C-17s, ASAP.
David Waldman and Greg Dworkin return to today’s KITM. You didn’t think ever miss this, did you?
For those of you keeping a tally, Donald K. Trump also does not understand what the word “beautiful” means. The stock market continues to crash here and around the world. There was that moment when people became insane enough to believe that Trump might have suddenly become sane, but then another Trillion bucks went away forever, and reality snapped back. This is an economic catastrophe orchestrated by Republicans, but one they don’t know how, don’t care how, and are afraid to fix.
Follow Lawrence H. Summers on Blue Sky. (Unfollow him anywhere else.) All of this FAFO will be just the medicine MAGA needs. Trump will crash the economy and thus all of his support. Silicon Valley and Wall Street are shocked that their boy would do this to them. So are all of those regular folk in rural, red… Ok, maybe don’t expect a “wave of woke” to roar across America awfully soon. After all, the White House is fighting the return of an immigrant that they admit they kidnapped and disposed of in El Salvador. They’d rather send their own lawyer, who confessed to the crime down there, to join him. 60 Minutes found no criminal record for 75% of the Venezuelan migrants sent to El Salvador. A guy who left Mexico at 4 years old, got married and had kids was finally caught and deported when he visited his grandfather's grave. Who out there can save us from this horrific tragedy? Well, let me check the roster and see who’s scheduled… Oh yes, it’s you, right on the top of the list again.
Why pay more? For far less than the hourly rate of a psychiatrist, David Waldman can address much of the anxiety that you, and he, suffer beneath the surface of each day. Dollar for dollar, KITM sooths and informs better than most barbers, bartenders, or even Uber drivers. Try some today!
While you’re doing that, do something else! There’s plenty to be done and you’re the one to do it. You have to do it, no one else is going to do it, they are too busy doing their part. Don’t make us tariff you.
Yesterday, Donald K. Trump pitched the world into a steep nosedive, before parachuting out somewhere over the Doral golf course. What was he thinking?
Great minds struggle to decipher and explain Trump’s tariff calculations, failing to consider that tiny minds came up with it. Actually, it’s not difficult to see that these tariffs are just another way to leverage and measure acquiescence and obsequence.
How can the Democrats ever pull us out of this horrible spin? IEEPA!
Don’t ask Trump anything about SignalGate. Don’t ask him about anything. Please don’t ask him about his $5 million instant citizen gold card.
Interim and future U.S. attorney for the District of Columbia, Ed Martin is as Trumpy as they come, alarming federal prosecutors across the political spectrum. There’s no point along any spectrum unalarmed by Laura Loomer, who unfortunately has Trump’s rear, uh, “ear” to whisper sweet enemy lists into. The 5th floor window that General Timothy Haugh, the director of the National Security Agency and US Cyber Command was shoved out of was in fact, not literal, as the deep state had all of office windows sealed due to “the environment”.
South Koreans are still puzzling over why their leader declared martial law, while Americans are puzzling over how to get our justice system to work half as well as the South Korean’s.
Because The Donald waited until after the markets closed yesterday to announce the “details” of his tariff “plan,” Greg Dworkin had to wait until this morning to chime in on the results. And even though in the modern age there’s trading done at all hours, all around the world, we still had to wait until 9:30 for The Old Man’s version of “the market” to open. But we knew it was gonna be bad. For everyone and everything (except Russia). How could it have been otherwise?
Still, there are always those who refuse to see it coming. Or refused to see it for what it was. Which is to say, “ruination.” Just “wildly destructive stupidity.”
The good news about Democratic reaction to the tariffs is that they had a genuine success in the Senate, with four Gop defections on a measure to block them! Republicans do know this sucks for them!
The not-so-good news is that it was about the last round of tariffs announced — the ones against Canada — not including this most recent round of nuttery.
Luckily, there was more good news. Namely, Democratic turnout and performance in Tuesday’s elections. It was good news even in the expected Florida losses, but most especially in the Wisconsin win.
The momentum is most welcome! We’re gonna need it, because he’s not leaving willingly. And the Gop knows that sucks for them, too.
In case you thought Signalgate didn’t still suck, it does! They don’t want to let Mike Waltz out from under that bus, even if he hasn’t yet gotten caught in the wheels.
Elsewhere, Eric Adams finally got his case dismissed. But not the way the Trump DOJ envisioned it. And Gerry Connolly scores with some SSA emails that confirm that stupidest of scenarios: Yes, Social Security registration for newborns in Maine really was targeted because Janet Mills was tough with Trump.
Today let’s join David Waldman in bidding adieu to yesterday’s co-host Charlie Kirk. We at KITM wish him well in his future endeavors.
Greg Dworkin, who is 100% available on Blue Sky, felt possessed to post his analysis of where we are, post yesterday’s events, on the execrable X... At least he didn’t dock his Raft O’ Stories ™ over at the Tesla dealership.
When will Democrats say or do enough to counter Donald K. Trump? Yesterday, and for more than 25 hours previously, Senator Cory Booker said and did enough. Great! OK, who’s next at bat?
Yesterday’s elections were very special. Florida Republicans won, sure, but other than that, they can’t really brag. In Wisconsin, Elon Musk had his ass handed to him, then claimed that he always wanted to look at it from that angle.
Mike Johnson couldn’t kill a new parents proxy voting measure, so he took his ball and went home.
Donald K. Trump is furious to catch Senate Gops attempting to slip out of his Tariff Jonestown before the big event. What’ll be in tonight’s batch of Kool-Aid? Canadians, Mexicans and Europeans have already moved on, and Trump couldn’t care less.
Abducting people to disappear and destroying government and democracy sure sounded like good ideas at the time, but...
The Signal witch-hunt continues, but which witch will Trump burn? Michael Waltz used to be “Signal stupid”, but now he’s “Gmail stupid”, while Pete Hegseth is a special kind of stupid, and getting more special every day.
All of Mel Gibson’s flags are red, but when a Justice Department Official didn’t want Mel to buy more guns, she was fired. Donald could pardon him. Donald will pardon anything.
David Waldman is not April fooling. Why devote a single day of our year to cruel jokes when with Donald K. Trump, every day can be one?
The real April Fools’ day is tomorrow when all, none, or some of Trump tariffs go into effect. Europeans have a plan for handling whatever Trump brings on, Americans, well, not so much.
The Trump administration is warning companies throughout Europe to cut out their DEI, CRT... whatever they call it in their counties, or else.
America paid El Salvador just to take their prisoners, sadly, there is no “return policy”. Oopsie! You, on the other hand, are not yet on route to a detention facility. Why is that?
Doge pirates take over the Federal payroll system. The old crew walks the plank. Elon isn’t saving the government money but saved himself $500 million on the cool previous headquarters of the United States Insititute of Peace.
Big Elections are happening today in Wisconsin and Florida. Congratulations to Nicholas Jacobs and Ekaterina Diestler big winners in Elon Musk’s — April Fools!
No joke! Cory Booker goes to Washington and has been going Jimmy Stewart for over 15 hours as I write this.
David Waldman and Greg Dworkin are back for yet another week of KITM! How do they do it, what is their secret? No one knows!
We begin the week with the White House embroiled in scandal. Which scandal? All of them!
There’s SignalGate, the main culprit of which has been finally determined to be JD Vance, or the news media, or an unspecified Democrat yet to be announced.
JD Vance is also guilty of blowing the art of the deal in Greenland. Like Canada, Greenland has a lot to offer in both material and strategic benefits. Just think of the partnerships, alliances, and investments Trump could have potentially made if his first negotiation tactic was ever something other than a pussygrab?
Countries who turned away their pussygrabs get tariffs this Wednesday, or at least more threats of more tariffs. Nothing makes Trump angrier than someone stealing his pickup technique.
Don’t knock it, the Trump pussygrab has been a success with most of the media, several law firms, and an undisclosed number of SCOTUS. Following many, yet not enough, injunctions from lower-court judges, the Supreme Court has six pending emergency applications from Trump demanding to know "So like…What are we?"
Gops warned Victoria Spartz not to have town halls, but she didn’t listen, and conducted a town hall in which she wouldn’t listen. For Victoria, if you have to ask for due process, you must not deserve it. Think those masked guys heading your way won’t put a bag over your head? Surprise!
Democrats will fix this all soon… we just need to get a little bit closer to their mid-term election fundraising drives, ok, please? In contrast, Donald K. Trump is already getting set for his 2028 election, and beyond. Wait a second, doesn’t the Constitution prohibit that sort of thing? Where we’re going, we don’t need Constitutions.
France on the other hand, takes things seriously, but their guillotine must have been on the fritz because Marine Le Pen only received 5 years off from seeking office.
David Waldman delivers us to the end of the week. Anyone not detained this weekend for acts of dispatriotism can meet back here on Monday.
Russia seems to use David’s random country generator to pick out its disinformation targets. Today it’s Austria!
SignalGate! It turns out that you can get in a lot of trouble for accidentally adding a reporter to a group email. “You” are not, however, one of the morons on the Houthi PC Small Group chat. Those folks are in a special protected class of super-morons. The more stupidity linked to them, such as public Venmo accounts with payments to eggplants, the more they are called out, such as Senator Tammy Duckworth calling Pete Hegseth “a f*cking liar” who needs to resign in disgrace, the more Donald K. Trump will defend them and lock down Gops from doing anything about it. Hillary Clinton writing an op-ed for the Times has secured Pete Hegseth the job for life. Trump is afraid of confrontation and making any decisions tougher than picking out colors anyhow.
Elise Stefanik, on the other hand, isn’t that much of a dangerous idiot to become concerned about. Trump figured that she could break just as much stuff if she kept her old job.
Trump is cutting the “racial stuff” from the National Museum of African American History and Culture, and “gender” from the American Women's history museum, as well as “improper ideology” from the National Zoo. Thinking incorrectly at a university can earn you a free sightseeing trip in an unmarked van with a canvas bag on your head.
Trump’s sister declared the immigration law he used “unconstitutional”.
While we’re talking about Trumps, Vanessa Trump is in a relationship with Tiger Woods! Yep, Vanessa sure has a thing for those “bad boys”… Wait, who is Vanessa Trump?
It’s Thursday, and David Waldman and Greg Dworkin are here to say the smartest things about the dumbest stuff.
The Team Trump screwups keep on screwing up. Their passwords and personal emails have now been discovered by DER SPIEGEL, which might read better in the original German. The Trump administration has created a golden age for foreign spies, which does read better in the second-hand Chinese. Mike Waltz’ Venmo list contains a lot of journalists who he owes or owe him money. Foremost authority on barstools and sports, Dave Portnoy demands that heads should roll... At least one, ok? Donald K. Trump loves his staff, unless the polls convince him that they were just coffee boys.
So much for JD Vance’s tour ship diplomacy! No one in Greenland wants to sell him a box of donuts, let alone their finest local whale blubber, seal blubber or narwhal blubber. And JD just sold his house too! That is, his LLC released its holdings to another LLC. (Of course, Orla Joelsen’s pictures of Greenland look much better on Blue Sky.)
We are the bad guys now. Masked gunmen disappear people off the street, families beg for their release as the captives are used in propaganda videos.
The majority of Americans believe presidents should obey the courts, but who thinks that Trump is only a president anymore? Probably a few lunatic left judges, but who cares about them?
Ah, but special elections, those could be the beginning of a blue wave, if we are allowed to have those anymore. In Florida, state Senator Randy Fine should be winning big, but might be winning small. His wife could help out by hoochie cooing like a drag queen if required.
SignalGate! David Waldman is here to explain it all, using only emojis. Greg Dworkin is here to unload his Raft of Stories, Ship of Fools, and Confederacy of Dunces. The revolution will not be televised, but KITM is here to present you with all the rest. (Do not follow Greg on anything but Blue Sky.)
What did they know and when did they know it? The answer is, not much and not yet. America’s allies are panicking, sure, but our enemies must be really shocked to find themselves having to rely upon these morons. The only way Gops could make it worse… is to do exactly what they are doing, not only blaming everyone but themselves, but viciously attacking them. The NSA warned that “Bin Laden determined to strike US”… and recently, "A vulnerability has been identified in the Signal Messenger Application.” The Atlantic said the chat contained classified material, the White House said Nuh-Uh! So, The Atlantic published the messages, and it turns out that Pete Hegseth also can declassify secrets using only his mind, and a 40 of malt. All rise, the Honorable Judge James Boasberg will be presiding. This isn’t even their worst foreign policy move so far… or yet.
For instance, JD and Usha Vance will soon head to Greenland to be greeted as liberators. The Vances have some extra vacation cash from a lobbyist who spent what a house around my neighborhood goes for, over the asking price of their house.
Big Balls provided tech support to a cybercrime ring but doesn’t have half the balls Democratic House Rep. Melanie Stansbury showed yesterday.
The White House budget office has decided that you don’t need to know what their budget spends money on.
Maybe people out there are paying attention. A Democrat wins the latest Pennsylvania special election for a district that never was Democratic, handing Dems control of the state House.
Based on recent experience, David Waldman has been tapped to set up the Zoom on future secret White House meetings.
You might have heard that our nation’s safety is in the hands of the worst group of fuckups imaginable. That’s a fact made more obvious by inviting the editor in chief of The Atlantic, Jeffrey Goldberg, to a war planning meeting being held via a chat group on the Signal app, second only to Mar-a-Lago as a go-to espionage destination spot. Steve Witkoff took advantage of the Kremlin’s free Wi-Fi service. Joe Kent took time from hunting antifa and BLM to join the chat.
But, her emails? Democrats want heads to roll. Republicans explain that the truth is, that these are not very bright guys, and things got out of hand, and request a moment or a few days of silence while they notify the next of kin.
Meanwhile, Donald K. Trump and the Paul, Weiss law firm pioneer a new form of agreement in which each side signs off on the version that they like the best. Eagle Ed Martin, who wants to jail women for abortions, free Jan 6 insurrectionists, and stop the steal of his own 2010 election, is honored to just have an ass so big to kiss as the head of the Office of Management and Budget.
David Waldman introduces KITM listeners to the Smooth Sound of Zoom™.
Greg Dworkin watches America circle the drain, while helping us locate the stopper.
Donald K. Trump, modest as he is, isn’t taking credit for invoking the Alien Enemies Act. “Many do not know this, but John Adams was a president who signed things, and we have been hearing many good things about him lately.”, Donald will soon say, or he’ll just say “Lil’ Marco did it.”, which he already is saying. Either way Trump checks off another day of telling you and Judge James Boasberg something, which is good enough for him, probably not for Boasberg. Meanwhile, El Salvador remains Rubio’s quick-stop low-cost disappearing headquarters.
In comparison, the Paul, Weiss firm are Trump’s dream of what a law firm should be, backing off of him, and giving him money. Paul, Weiss chair Brad Karp complains that after years of “dishing it out”, “taking it” feels surprisingly harsh, but if Brad thinks it’s all behind him, he doesn’t know how much is left to be inserted.
Who knew that Republicans also received Social Security? DOGE is having a hard time finding any fraud there, but of course, that isn’t the point. Most people would prefer that their airliner didn’t crash, but here we are.
Trump picks Boeing over Lockheed because they’ll name their next fighter after him. Now they need to find pilots small enough for that “cockpit”. Most countries sure won’t be shopping USA for weapons.
Usha Vance is heading to Greenland, and already they aren’t thankful.
Columbia, the gem of kowtowing universities, is sending $400 million dollars to soothe Trump’s pain from a deal he blew 25 years ago.
Scott Turner follows in the footsteps of OJ Simpson and Rosie Greer as a football player hoping that 70’s casting decisions work out for him. (Yes, you can follow M. Nolan Gray on Blue Sky.)
David Waldman has so much crazy, so little time!
Drug use and undisclosed ties to foreign agents used to make it difficult to obtain security clearance, back before the Trump administration thought to offer affordable leasing. Now the Pentagon is happy to invite Elon Musk to talk over war plans against China! Oh wait, Elon said I should be arrested for telling you that. Donald K. Trump says I’m fake news and has booked me a flight to El Salvador... I better type quicker. Musk has big investments in China, so maybe he’ll Starlink those missiles away… On the other hand, those investments are drying up, therefore it might be a good time for a nuclear market adjustment.
Trump and Musk want to outlaw judges who rule against them and pay off the ones that let them win. What’s wrong with that? Trump hates that people think that these are “conservative” judges… what have they done for him lately?
No more warrants to enter homes, or due process to process suspects means that any suspicious, or even aggravatingly inconvenient behavior can be delt with efficiently. Bad guys, whomever that might be deemed at the moment, won’t be able to hide behind “laws” to escape justice.
Well, once MAGA understands this, they’ll… do nothing, because their face will be a small price to pay if the leopard eats your face. The only bums in danger of being thrown out are the Democrats.
On today’s KITM, David Waldman and Greg Dworkin turn it all the way up to 11… sometimes on purpose!
Great news everyone! Kamala Harris did not “lose”! Now if only our present-day vibes could just recall those “quotation marks”, this whole nation would be one big California… but without the unnecessary regulations, with more government spending… but without government overspending. No more poor, therefore no more aid…
More Republicans are voicing voters' remorse… more Democrats also.
Today a handful of people stand in the way of a perfect world. A French scientist was denied entry into the US for disliking the Trump administration’s research policy. A Canadian actress asked too many questions at the border and was imprisoned for weeks. And over two hundred members of the MS-13 gang… oh sorry, those folks were the first Trump administration scary gang affiliated with El Salvador, the country which is now the hero of the second Trump administration… Two hundred members of the new scary gang were shipped to El Salvador, give or take an undisclosed number of just regular guys like you and me.
Who’d guess that the chief judge of the U.S. District Court for the District of Columbia, a bipartisan appointee with a three-decade career in Washington, would turn out to be a such a Radical Left Lunatic? It seems that crazy judges keep popping up, the more Trump clamps down. Soon he’ll realize that they really aren’t that well-armed. When DOGE took down the U.S. Institute of Peace, they had plenty of guns and badges, so they didn’t need no stinking laws.
After fentanyl becomes a 'Weapon of Mass Destruction”, Mexico and Canada will become Iraq.
It’s all computer! It’s taken a week, but David Waldman and Greg Dworkin have almost completed KITM’s incomprehensibly complex and possibly hazardous transition from “Skype” over to “Zoom” voice over internet protocol telephony technologies. Without alert tones, Greg can finally enter conversations through his preferred “jump scare” technique.
The constitutional crisis just over the horizon has now arrived. Officially, we are still at the “Wait, what?” stage, but this administration plans to repeat it again and louder until they are completely understood. Donald K. Trump plans to deliver dozens of RSVPs to the Supreme court, inviting them over to his side of the Rubicon.
If only we could just cross into Canada and buy enough beer and donuts to fix this thing that we’re going to do to them. Seriously, if they can do it to a young, pretty, lawyered up white woman, just think of what they can do to you.
Days of simple heists over, DOGE thugs screwed sharper hobnails into their jackboots in order to kick the doors in over at the U.S. Institute of Peace. Presently we are at the “he said, she said” in the case, but you know the deal with this administration and paperwork...
“Trump won’t win the election, he’s focusing only on his base while Biden… Harris…” bla bla bla bla bla bla. “If only Democrats could capture the white uneducated” bla bla bla bla bla bla. “Now, Democrats should embrace the most effective means of targeted disinformation yet invented and….” (Yet invented, that is.)
But, hey! Trump’s poll numbers are sagging… not even 100 days in. (and maybe 100 days before independent polling becomes illegal) So, it just goes to show you, Chuck Schumer really has got a handle on this thing. Therefore, it is imperative that we focus upon… The JFK assassination documents have been released! Let’s all go over to X.com and talk about it!
David Waldman returns to the mound at KITM Stadium, pitching for the US Liberals, down by… a lot, in what feels like a pretty late inning.
Hundreds of alleged Venezuelan gang members were flown to El Salvador, that is, they are alleged to be gang members, purported to be Venezuelan, maybe they weren’t US citizens, possibly weren’t just a guy with a beef with an ICE agent, who probably isn’t affiliated with an opposing gang. Sure, it seems like a constitutional crisis, but isn’t everything? The White House asks the judge, “You mad, bro?” then demands his impeachment.
It’s just another example of the USA’s new sense of humor, like the plan to make Canada our northern Puerto Rico. Blaming Canada is easy, which is why we do it. Canadian soldiers, however, aren’t insects to swat away. They do seem to have a lot of tanks, missiles, jets, bullets and about four times the shared border of, say, Ukraine and Russia.
Trump rehires while Elon fires as their madcap hijinks continue. DOGE makes an armed raid upon the offices of the U.S. Institute of Peace. Staff inside did stand their ground for a while but really missed a chance at creating a quite ironic Castle Doctrine case. I have personally predicted a standoff between U.S. Marshals and Secret Service for almost a decade now and continue to be incorrect. (As of 2:56 EST)
Oklahoma social studies classes will teach about ‘discrepancies’ in the 2020 election. The President of the United States teaches that there are no discrepancies. There are no longer non-white soldiers in American history… at least, no famous ones. Pentagon leaker Jack Teixeira hopes that Trump will assign him to a new reality.
David Waldman returns for yet another week of driving the snakes out, today solo, as Greg Dworkin is on assignment.
Chuck Schumer’s book tour is not off to a great start, although he could’ve sold plenty of copies to throw at the target on his dunk tank. Listen, plenty of calculation went into these CR votes, by plenty of calculating Democrats, calculating the perfect number of days before their elections before becoming too “anti-Trump” Democrats. It’s just pragmatic to allow Donald K. Trump to be a little bit of a dictator for about 6 or 9 more months to allow campaign donations to build. It’s how the game is played.
Donald, however, is not the pragmatic sort. “Dictator” is the only game he’s playing. Rules are for suckers… Ok, rules are also good for the LULZ. Take the 1798 Alien Enemies Act, please. Trump will tell you… Well, Trump will tell you anything, that’s irrelevant. The next step, was when a judge then called bullshit and blocked the order. Trump then did it anyhow, as his lawyers invoked the ”fingers in the ears shouting, “la la la” defense”. Hundreds of men were then shanghaied to El Salvador. No one can prove that they were gang members. No one can prove that they were not citizens. There is no way to know if they will ever be seen again. It is much easier to disappear to El Salvador than Guantanamo, so if you soon find yourself with a bag on your head, riding in a van, chances are that’s your destination. A valid visa and a judge’s order couldn’t stop kidney transplant specialist Dr. Rasha Alawieh’s deportation. Wishful thinking couldn’t stop Trump voter Bradley Bartell’s wife from be taken away by ICE.
Welcome to Advanced Civics with Professor David Waldman. David’s been teaching this course since about the turn of the century, yet it seems as if there is always more to learn. Heck, I’ve been held back over this last decade, and I still don’t quite get it.
Basically, the Senate is voting on the 2025 budget because maybe that’s better than not voting on it? Voting for it would piss off Elon Musk, but voting against it would piss off Donald K. Trump. It’s a quandary! Luckily for Senate Democrats, they have valiant leader Chuck Schumer, Donald’s newest best buddy, ready to push those glasses down to the end of his nose and… look into this. Whether Chuck’s decision is horrible/wise or horrible-wise he’ll be hearing all about it at his series of upcoming townhall meetings that he probably still believes are a “book tour”.
Jon Ossoff and Reverend Raphael Warnock voted NO! Yay! But on what, and to what end? This is where it gets weedy. David tells us about clotures, the process of invoking clotures, and… how to check for ripeness? For those whom precedents take precedence, there are the Antideficiency Act, and its preceding precedent, the Feed and Forage Act.
Remember, for every Stalin, Mao and Hitler, there are millions, each with the power to fix everything at any time. That is why tyrants consolidate corrupt power and eliminate human rights at every opportunity.
Hey, at least the sound system was working today, when Greg Dworkin dropped by with his Raft o’ Stories!
Senate Dems are wrestling with the question of whether they should screw up, or do the right thing. Sounds easy! But it never really is, even if we think we know the right answer. (And the biggest union representing federal workers just happens to agree, too.) But time’s running out to unify behind a single, coherent position (if there is one). And the one thing nobody expected has just happened: House Republicans had unified!
Hey, by the way, have we misunderstood—or just been too credulous—in accepting the characterization of Trump as “transactional?” That might not be quite right. Or even right at all. We do know that he sucks for the economy, though. Even though we’re also not supposed to think of the “stonk” market as the economy. The thing is, Trump thinks he can move seamlessly from “I’ll fix it on Day One,” to “You knew you were signing up for pain.”
Tesla hatred is purifying hatred. Even if you don’t believe Trump actually bought one.
I have some bad news for you. The DOGE weirdos do not live their “efficiency” mission. It turns out that Elon, who claims that working nights and weekends is a “super power,” is mostly just doing what your kids are doing with their nights and weekends: playing video games. But in a very billionaire-y way, I’m sure! Not to worry, though. He’s got a high-priced consultant to help him buy big TVs to use as gaming monitors. Hope that didn’t get installed at government expense! Ha ha! (It probably did.)
Meanwhile, over at OPM, where the job is to kick everybody else out of their jobs, the agency spokesperson has been—efficiently, no doubt—moonlighting as an Instagram fashion influencer. To be fair, it’s not clear that she actually influences anybody. But the real point is that she’s doing it from the office. On your time, and your dime.
And just to give you one more thing to think worry about, if the DOGE kids actually do succeed in selling off government office buildings, what’s gonna happen to the artwork? Yes, there’s artwork! And some of it is pretty valuable! And there are a bunch of grubby billionaires with light fingers in town!
That’s the last time KITM hires that local kid “Big Balls” to do IT work. Yesterday’s show file wasn’t recorded… which one could only wish happened to the first 15 minutes of today’s show as David Waldman on-the-fly set up the KITM VoIP connection to Greg Dworkin.
It’s the economy, stupid, and no one could possibly handle it more stupidly than Donald K. Trump. Inflation was lower than expected in February… remember February? That was so long ago. Trump’s own advisors are terrified because they see what’s coming. Americans are finally getting the picture, as if that really matters. Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick hasn’t yet seen the underside of the bus but can tell you that it’s a wonderful place to be.
Go see Crazy Don for crazy deals! Right behind the White House just off Pennsylvania Avenue!
Green card holder, American spouse, kid on the way, Mahmoud Khali was disappeared after using his Constitutional rights in a politically incorrect (for March 2025) manner. Columbia, gem of private higher education, did exactly what Trump wanted, therefore their future destruction as an example will be doubly satisfying. Ohio, for one, welcomes their anti-DEI overlords to all of their 14 public universities and 23 public colleges. Georgetown University, in Washington DC, sees diversity, equity, and inclusion as part of their compliance to a higher authority… the Constitution.
Greenland’s election was between 6 parties, 5 who want independence from Denmark, 6 who want independence from Trump.
The US closed its eyes to Ukraine intelligence, encouraging the Five Eyes intelligence alliance to become the Four Eyes intelligence group, which does sound more intelligent.
House Gops sent their unclean CR to the Senate. Let’s see if Dems can keep from being weenies over there now.
Walt Nauta should be in jail, so of course he’s on the U.S. Navy’s board of visitors. Trump communications chief McLaurine Pinover defended DOGE Layoffs while efficiently modelling cute outfits.
We might not have a show for you to listen to today. That is, David Waldman presented a live KITM, as usual packed with up to two hours (give or take the half hour or so for certain Slavic pronunciations) of information and insight. It’s just that we can’t quite put our finger on the file... Oh well, if one turns up, you’ll be the first to know.
We won’t be blaming Ukrainians, as Elon Musk has for ex-Twitter. Or un-Americans, as Elon and Donald K. Trump have for Tesla’s failure. Or as Elon blames... uhm… Canadians maybe for the SpaceX explosions? Poor guy… well, not “so poor” ... Anyhow, you shouldn’t feel sorry for Musk, becausethe fundamental weakness of Western civilization is empathy. Nonetheless, Donald feels Elon’s pain and will have you chip in to buy a presidential Tesla… and while you’re at it, buy yourself one as it is now illegal to NOT buy a Tesla. Canadian Tesla dealerships got into the spirit and sent in 100 receipts per hour to claim $43 million in government EV rebates.
Elon Musk’s hobby, DOGE, is on target. DOGE has found a half trillion in fraud… and by fraud he of course means “fraud”. DOGE put an end to “overspending” by stopping any spending. There are no limits to DOGE ignorance, but as everyone knows, Amy Gleason is the one “responsible” for DOGE, and if she’s just gets off by firing millions of people, what can you do? It’s now the era of the Gleason Regime, and anyone who wants to influence her first needs to go through her trusted advisors Musk or Trump first.
Social Security workers aren’t allowed to read this story, but heading into the weekend, David Waldman and KITM have remained under the DOGE radar! Keep your fingers crossed!
The first thing we do is… let’s kill all the Democratic consultants. Ok, that sounds “a little harsh”, and the one thing any consultant will tell you, is that you absolutely do not want to sound “a little harsh”, EVER. Except for when you’re knifing a friend and colleague in the back for sounding “a little harsh”. That’s just pragmatic expediency. Everyone, except possibly that person that you knifed, will forget in no time… Therefore, feel free to knife friends and colleagues in the back as often as needed. It always works!
Do Republicans lie to each other like Democrats do? They lie so often, it’s hard to tell. Will Trump really be counting the gold bars in Fort Knox? Are scientists randomly dressing mice in little fedoras and bonnets? Is the Enola Gay just too gay? The blunders are stacking up everywhere. But the thing is, if stupid lies work just as well, why not? Lie with every sentence, F ’em if they can’t take a joke. Russian humor is an acquired taste, you know. At this moment, translators are putting a comedy set together for the Pentagon’s new deputy press secretary, Kingsley Wilson, and her opening act, Jack Posobiec.
The parade of comedy never ends! Turning Canada and Mexico’s tariffs on and off never gets old, amirite? Expect a dozen more times with those two, perhaps fewer with China. Maine parents are required to register newborns at the Social Security office, for the LOLs. Fired federal workers bring the gift of laughter to their own relatives. DOGE revealed a secret CIA facility… but no worries, they hid it again… heh heh.
David Waldman serves up a lot on today’s KITM, but no nothingburgers! You need to head over to Bondi’s for those.
Greg Dworkin tried unplugging and replugging Connecticut this morning but they’re still offline up there.
Place your bets right now. Will Republicans or Democrats destroy the United States first? Of course, Dems are the “good guys”, right? They stand for… uhm, their intentions are… hmm. It’s just that their Ping-Pong paddles are kind of small and hard to read.
Donald K. Trump demands that Al Green be forced to take an IQ test. Representative Green probably should, if he believes that any “fellow” Democrats would have joined his opposition to Trump. Do you think that they would have censured a couple hundred Democrats? I guess we’ll never know, will we? As Democrats Anonymous member “Elissa” said in her rebuttal: … Well, it doesn’t matter “what” she said, it’s that she wouldn’t say anything that consultants say she shouldn’t say, which is very important when you consider “the audience” that she was speaking to, which would be other consultants. If Democrats were interested in the opinions of anyone other than Democratic consultants, Al Green would have been doing the rebuttal, or AOC, Jasmine Crockett, Eric Swalwell or a hundred or so others, give or take.
Meanwhile, Trump deports Ukrainians, while looking into overthrowing their government. That seems to be a weird way to treat a loyal … Wait, we still have loyalties? Well, “yes and no”, and “yes and no”, and “yes and no”, and “yes and no”, and “yes and no”, but maybe… if you play your cards right. That is, if the courts let Trump get away with it, or if Trump can get away with it after the courts try to stop him. Or, if Mr. Musk allows him to. Senate Republicans tell Musk… push Musk to…. beg Musk to let them pretend to have a say in things. Elon is having way too much fun to share right now.
No, David Waldman did not watch the speech, or the Oscars, or the Super Bowl, all right? (The TV’s been stuck on the History Channel since David lost the remote.) Greg Dworkin is still on Skype, which is now shutting down, forcing an alternative. Greg will be choosing between Zoom or his dial-up fax machine in the basement, whichever has the most pleasant ringtone.
Donald K. Trump presented his State of Denial “address”… It was a “Joint Address” to the Gops who love humiliation, and the Dems, who are learning to. Of course, some Democrats boycotted, but most did not. Some had signs, most did not. Al Green stood up, and was ejected. The rest chose not to join him. Expediency seems to be the hill they have chosen to die on, and there’s certainly little disarray there.
With Democrats keeping a low profile until 2026 2028 2030… it once again falls upon Trump to do all the heavy lifting. The plan has always been to keep the masses just at the precipice of an uprising, but this administration might be slightly overplaying their hand. (Yes, Steve Inskeep is on Blue Sky) Trump tariffs might sink the stock market, but don’t worry, rich people will still get rich even when poor people get poor. Trump’s tariffs might hurt Trump voters, but Trump doesn’t need them to vote for him anymore. It will take a lot more than mere poverty to ever cool their ardor, though. (Yes, Will Jordan is on Blue Sky) Anyhow, each passing moment is another opportunity to declare victory and completely reverse course, faster than a bro can change his Zyn pouch.
DOGE lists 443 federal properties up for sale, because why work in a building that you own, when you can rent it? NVM... the list went away.
Trump is halting enforcement against corporate lawbreakers. Who says he doesn’t have empathy for his brethren? However, the Trump Supreme Court says 5-4 that Trump has to follow contractual obligations. Is it too late for Donald to get a full refund on John Roberts?
Fat Tuesday! Grab your donuts and breakfast beer and March 4th with David Waldman this morning. This year for Mardi Gras, Cybertruck-shaped piñatas will be roaming the streets!
Happy Tariff Day! Trees, a major source of income for both Canada and Joyce Kilmer, will be going up like eggs, as will just about everything, since just about everything comes from Canada, Mexico or China. The only thing going down will be stocks, and they’re going way down.
Donald K. Trump will be going viral tonight, up or down, he DNGAF. Can you imagine Dems treating this thing like the locals at a town hall? Well, imagine away, because they aren’t going to do that. They will bring some people, release some statements mentioning those people, and… ...sorry, my fingers fell asleep typing that.
Elon Musk is of course, a visionary-genius, as of course, reflected by his visionarily genius child-naming. Which one was at the White House recently… “5138008”? “88-14WYTB01? “D3L3TDG0VT”? Nope, it was “X Æ A-Xii”… accent on the ”Æ”. (You know how to pronounce Æ) That tyke is Elon’s favorite human stole to wear on formal occasions and knew exactly how to trigger fellow toddler Donald K. Trump through the time-honored tradition of wiping boogers on his desk.
DataRepublican may not be a visionary-genius name, and neither is Jennica Pounds, but if she doesn’t like you are just as fired as if X Æ A-Xii fired you himself.
Donald took the classified documents that he had previously stolen and returned them to… Mar-a-Lago. Because, as previously mentioned, Trump is a toddler. Professional psychopathologists may have a more complex definition of his behavior, but really, someone should just take him out of the adult room before he breaks something.
Operation Smell the Whirlwind might have lost their prize quarry, Chuck Schumer. Meanwhile, the Trump Justice Department is figuring out how to spring Tina Peters out of a State Pen. Soon we’ll see how loyal the Trump Supreme Court is.
Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelensky has yet to return to the US, but it is certainly expected that he will be required to wear a different wardrobe for his upcoming apology visit. Does clothes make the man, or the man make the clothes?
Ok, where was I? Oh yes, I finished Friday’s summary describing the time Donald K. Trump extorted Ukraine President Zelenskyy to falsely promote Russian interests. Back in those days we used to impeach Presidents for that kind of stuff. Anyhow...
David Waldman is here with the KITM Oscars Analysis. He has heard some “good buzz” about this movie “Oppenheimer” that he might want to check out… No spoilers, please!
Greg Dworkin is here with a big Raft O’ Stories™, loaded with Plenty O’ X links (I know, but the guy still uses Skype too. Some things take time to let go of.)
New Yorkers knew Trump was a mob boss, now the world knows. Everybody knew this was a trap going in. SNL probably had their skit written last Thursday. It’s weird, but we also all knew what the Trump & crew’s reaction to the trap’s gigantic failure would be also. The surprise might be in how this unified Europe against the burgeoning Axis of assholes.
Pete Hegseth rotates the turrets away from Russia and levels the guns on Mexico.
Which pandemic will you die from this year? When you find out, write your answer in this DOGE questionnaire. Elon Musk is pulling out of the retail market to go to where the money is: the public sector, where waste and fraud might not run rampant, but he sure can. The good news is that the national debt and pandemic deaths will soon be set to zero with a push of a button.
Trump named the cryptocurrencies in the strategic reserve, naturally he named them to his friends first. (Follow The Stalwart on Blue Sky.)
If Trump could laugh, he’d cackle with glee as he suspended the security clearances of Jack Smith’s lawyers and demoted prosecutors down to trying CVS shoplifters.
Judge Chuang can’t stop the DOJ from beating the USAID because they’re already dead. Of course, the children they were feeding will soon be literally dead.
Low-income Trump voters sure hope they don’t find out. They can’t afford to find out much more. Car prices are going up by what a car used to be priced at. Even Elon Musk and his mother are crashing at a bud’s house until this blows over.
Kash Patel doesn’t want to flash the Kash Patelmobile around DC and plans to stay in Las Vegas at the pleasure of his megadonor daddy.
Democrats understand what to do with a crime in progress… Talk. And, if the crime progresses, talk louder… or perhaps, change the subject, or hold on a while, or wait. Or try all of those in combination, that should do it. If all that can’t stop it, NOTHING can… and they’ll be up for trying that too.
David Waldman delivers us to the end of the month, and yes, the end of the week. KITM’s superpower is to not work on weekends.
You don’t see Donald K. Trump work weekends, or weekdays. It’s too much work for him to remember what he said yesterday. Elon Musk is the go-getter, destroying civilization, trolling billions, uploading federal grants with one hand and downloading IVF deposits with the other. Or perhaps the “real power” behind the autocoup is the “husband” and “wife” team of Stephen and Katie Miller. That would explain a lot of things.
Chinese crypto guy Justin Sun paid up front on his fraud case, so now the SEC can discover new priorities. (That’s all chump crypto change to North Korea) The FBI raids the EPA without probable cause because that isn’t really needed for a shakedown. Meanwhile, EPA Administrator Lee Zeldin has cracked the case of 40 tons of gold bars shoplifted from Fort Knox. That would seem hard to believe until you consider Donald K. Trump flushed a billion down the toilet to own the EV Libs… and if you think that’s “shocking”, consider that Elon Musk is flushing an entire EV car company down the toilet to own the EV Libs.
Ace KITM Correspondent Rosalyn MacGregor reports on the one business booming lately, IUD procedures!
Russia Russia Russia put the K in Donald K. Trump. That’s some of why he was impeached that one time, maybe both. Remember when Trump tried to intimidate and extort Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelensky and blame Ukraine, not Russia for… Oh, hold on, I see that he is doing it again as I type this. I’ll have to stop, or my summary will run right into Monday’s!
David Waldman gives us a few more things to think about, laugh about, get kind of grumpy about, on today’s KITM.
Guess what? Dr. Greg Dworkin says America’s got a fever! And the only prescription... is more F-bombs! Covid “alarmists” were closer to the truth than anyone else. (IMO, “alarmist” has been pretty much the way to go for around a decade.) DOGE douches unplugged our healthcare ventilator and were surprised after the heart wouldn’t reboot. Oops! Ebola prevention was shut off… There! Fixed, good as new… They weren’t in America, anyhow.
Speaking of Americans, Billions in professional services contracts in Veterans Affairs were to be cut for… whatever. Then someone checked into it and discovered that they were doing some really important stuff there. Who’d guess that so many consequential things would be actually happening? Elon will have to check in with “DataRepublican”, the new Q of MAGA, more often.
Whatever your problem is, Elon Musk has got just the thing to fix it. DOGE noticed that the FAA misspelled “Verizon” on their contracts and helpfully corrected it to “Starlink”. You’d be amazed at how many uses Starlink can fulfill. And best for Elon, they each can be turned off at any time, no problem! Even so, for some reason, many in Washington feel pwnd by Musk, as do a lot of others.
Speaking of trolls, who are also rapists, human traffickers and child pornographers, Andrew Tate and his brother are arriving in the US, and will probably be Medal of Honor recipients by mid-March. Election denier, rabid insurrectionist toady Paul Ingrassia is now Trump’s guy at Homeland Security.
Tariffs on Mexico and Canada will go into effect March 4 as scheduled because Donald K. Trump isn’t becoming re-glued and re-hinged anytime soon. As this our Axis forms, is it patrimonialism supported by anarcholibertarian capitalists or just morons in the moment?
Right pukka, innit? Another KITM today featuring the brilliant púcaí doodlebugging of David Waldman and Greg Dworkin!
The Gop big beautiful awful bill passed the House last night. Clever and feisty Dems were clever and feisty but not quite successful... yet played a great game. Should Democrats strategize and triangulate and stick up for minorities while appealing to the majority? Yes! Or… they could just pick out some principles and hills to die on and take those damn hills or find themselves simply primaried out...
Or they could wait. MAGA policies aren’t popular, and Donald K. Trump is despicable. People see zero difference between Glenn Youngkin and Marjorie Taylor Greene and Gop town halls aren’t as comfy as they used to be.
There’s a chance that we could live to see Republicans crumble, but with medical research lab funding halted, we have no one to figure out what that chance might be. Traffic-cone-on-the-face research device, Gesundheit II, hoped to study the deadly spread of sneezing. (Gesundheit I traced a more silent yet deadly threat.)
Federal firings bring back the thrill of flying. Wouldn’t you know, Elon Musk has just the fix: Starlink satellites that he could turn off whenever he’s in “one of his moods”. You might ask, “How was Elon awarded that contract so quickly? Was there a vetting or bidding process?” Go ahead. Ask all you want. They drew straws to see who’d run DOGE, and Amy Gleason was out that day.
A federal board agreed to pause firings for some staff. Members of the board, as well as lawyers who assisted Jack Smith, are advised to stay away from open office windows.
Any lowly immigrant carrying only their worldly belongings and a certified check for $5 million dollars will always be welcome here as long as Trump is president.
David Waldman counts down the days until our national apocalypse, yet with so many tied down the backstretch, this race is a tough call!
For supposed “auditors”, nothing about DOGE adds up. Monday, Elon gave federal workers until three to… Uhm, today Elon gave federal workers until three to… Tomorrow, Elon will give federal workers until three to… Trump could barely get a semi-fired up today, as his EO has ED. Musk was able to cut 20 DOGE staff today who couldn’t look themselves in the mirror anymore. Meanwhile, “fired” staffers keep finding themselves “unfired”. Those who did send in responses will have the answers fed into AI and anyone determined to be funnier than Musk will be dismissed immediately… (Those people would also be expected to be more liberal, naturally.)
DOGE’s dealings are illegal and even unconstitutional, but now the challenge is determining who is DOGE’s head douche. Trump is so opposed to leaving a paper trail that he skips on chances to cover his own ass.
DOGE was designed to attack liberals, but it terrifies the ever-loving crap out of Democrats, which was “Job One” for Donald K. Trump. Donald can now leave the Lib cleanup operation to Don Bongino and Don Jr.’s “hunting buddy” who will instruct the FDA to move infant formula by the kilo from this point on. With the US out of the way it is now time to Make Axis Great Again for our new conquest over our old allies.
With such colossal corruption, who’s to notice the little stuff, like a Florida congressman assaulting women at night along the Wharf? At least that’s what the U.S. Attorney’s Office thought when they tossed his warrant into the trash.
This weekend KITM Headquarters sent David Waldman and Greg Dworkin an email directing them to list five ways that they contribute to the civil discourse. These overachievers came up with something like two hours' worth!
Gop town halls are experiencing F5 blowback from constituents, but it’s a gentle breeze compared to what they’re expecting to be hit with soon. This is the kind of thing local news loves to cover, and local protesters love to attend. People in power may want to hide, but for people who want to be in power, town halls are the place to be seen. Suddenly, no one wants to take credit for their thugs.
Never Trump Republicans are divided on a host of issues but know how to get in front of a camera. They are enough of a threat to this administration to earn immediate attention from the Brown Shirts. On the other hand, Democrats are unifying behind nearby hedges to work on their guacamole bar charts, as their “Hope” poster mostly refers to theSecond Law of Thermodynamics. Ok, there isSenator Chris Murphy.
Other than that, Donald K. Trump’s worst enemy is himself, and he’s doing a simply incredible job. He and Elon, of course. The only people they hate more than themselves are all the other people. With Dan Bongino and Pete Hegseth FA, there won’t be any left to FO.
We are, as usual, heading towards a government shutdown. Gops would like to blame Dems, if it wasn’t for all of the government that they’ve been shutting down recently.
As for the states, Trump picked and lost a fight with the Maine Governor, but hating Trump is completely bipartisan.
The Times asks if had Ukraine not dressed so provocatively, would Vlad and Donald not be behaving the way they are? Germany has swung to the right in the latest elections but is also not swinging towards the United States.
It’s Friday, the day David Waldman pitches us into the maelstrom. We get today’s last dangle before we drop.
The weekend is when Elon Musk really lets his Big Balls loose. Well not “his”, per se, those are in a jar at some IVF lab. The rest of us are menaced by whatever his giant ketamine cookie jar of a head is coming up with.
The weekdays are for Trump to crop-dust us with EOs, edicts and royal proclamations. Trump will thus eliminate judges who are too judgey and deliver your mail from now on. Jan 6 rioters will soon be deputized. Pete Hic! Seth will purge all generals left of Jack D. Ripper. Trump’s first priority, however, is to take whatever Vlad will allow him.
Israel is angry to come up short on their hostage body count. Hamas better move fast before the renovators come in. Trumpy America makes things humiliating for Saudi Arabia, along with every other Middle Eastern faction since the dawn of time.
Ah, but we are only weeks away from March 15 and the beginning of spring cleanup season! Gop townhalls are filling with freshly leopard-eaten faces. FAFO is already exceeding overflow capacity. Republicans are beginning to get what they deserve… But you know what? Democrats deserve double, because, really, nobody voted for that.
Greg Dworkin walks us through some familiar and relevant Watergate history, beginning with the saga of John Mitchell, which serves as necessary background to today’s corruption, only part of which manifests itself in the form of Eric Adams’ corruption. Another fun development on this front: a NY Bar Association complaint against Count Boveula.
Of course, there are a million other angles on Trump’s corruption, like this one out of left field, on NYC congestion pricing. The Adams story is just today’s appetizer.
And that’s just the domestic model. Looking abroad, we find other worrisome precedent—and the potential for new disasters—in Germany. And, of course, the potential for compounding old disasters, as in Ukraine.
Checking back in on the growing library of Trump “administration” attorney conflicts of interest, Walt Nauta’s lawyer just remembered he’s in government now, and resigned his case.
Another story we had to check back in on: Trump’s targeting of the Merit Service Protection Board. While we were waiting around for a new show, a federal judge reversed MSPB Chair Cathy Harris’ purported dismissal.
And that other growing library, the list of federal agencies infiltrated by the DOGE Teen Hunger Force has also expanded. This time, it’s just the Cybersecurity & Infrastructure Security Agency (CISA). No big whoop.
Just in case you’d forgotten how they get everyone to lie down for them, though, the answer is just what you thought it was: death threats.
David Waldman is not here today! But what is “here”, anyway? David recorded a brand-new show that went over by four minutes — that’s hundreds of extra words! So, he is virtually here today… but what is “virtually”, anyhow? KITM is still OG podcasting, the way they did it back in the twenty teens, none of that funny new stuff, or the funny old stuff, or any of that funny stuff, just the real stuff! (which is often funny)
The Trump White House is one step away from adding a laugh track to its ICE videos.
DOGE has made Trump II exponentially more incompetent and horrific. Are they saving $8 million? $8 billion? $8 trillion? $8? Who knows? Because that isn’t the point. The National Science Foundation fired probationary employees and threw in some permanent employees and at-will workers. If anyone had a problem, they could take it up with the board (who were fired) or tell reporters to make a FOIA request through staff (who were also fired). That doesn’t sound like saving money, it sounds like eliminating witnesses. It sounds like burning everything down to hide the bodies.
Pam Bondi, She-Wolf of the DOJ, was schutzstaffelling the Eric Adams case the moment she got the job. When Trump picked the one Black woman in the National Labor Relations Board to fire, he might have been dimly aware that it would go to his Supreme Court. Whatever they decide won’t be the end of it.
Trump, Putin and the Saudis had a meeting to discuss the upcoming Kyiv Trump Tower and rare earth mines. In only 4 hours they were able to settle on their McDonald’s order and sell out the future of 40 million people.
David Waldman and Greg Dworkin return in a Tuesday KITM that feels like a Monday KITM but is more like a Friday KITM that feels like a Thursday KITM. You will understand once you hear the Wednesday KITM.
A Delta airliner landed on its roof in Minneapolis yesterday. Is that how they are supposed to land? It doesn’t seem so… unfortunately the people in charge of that at the FAA don’t work there anymore. OSHA also eliminated safety guidelines warning of a diversity of dangers. Thousands of government employees have been fired because of performance, though “good” or “bad” performance has not been specified. Next up, the Social Security Administration, because there is no “yours” or “their” money, it’s “woke” or “based” money. MAGA is finding out that Musk just doesn’t think they are that cool.
One thing’s for certain; you can’t blame Trump or Musk for this, because “Trump” and “Musk” and “DOGE” and the “Gulf of America” are just words in some mass hallucination that you have chosen to believe. Pick the red or blue pill and… never mind, SCOTUS will pick one out for you.
Did “they” flood Kentucky to steal Fort Knox from Elon? Sure, why not?
Gops only care about the rules if that helps them break the rules. “But! Those rules are the rules!” the Dems cry out, as sparks shoot out of their ears, and they collapse en masse to the ground.
New York City Comptroller Brad Lander has found a set of rules to try after four of the City's Deputy Mayors resigned rather than break their rules. Governor Katy Hochul has now found herself in the uncomfortable position of having to do a thing or at least having a conversation about doing a thing. Of course, no one actually “told” anyone to dismiss Eric Adam’s prosecution… especially not attorney Alex Spiro.
David Waldman delivers the first KITM following the declaration of the historic Luigi Doctrine this weekend. Dems in exile plot their counterattack to be waged once they find the Elmer’s to glue together their big piece of posterboard onto that easel that goes behind their outraged speeches. Greg Dworkin is out fighting weather not fit for man nor beast. Greg’s not presumed lost; in fact, we presume he might turn up tomorrow.
Elon Musk is sucking America dry. Anyone willing to reciprocate will be rewarded. Supergenius Elon knows when you are laughing “with” him and when you aren’t. Elon’s son, WD-40, will tell him as he already has more accounting experience and common sense than all DOGErs combined. OSHA guidelines are banned from warning about a diversity of dangers. Hundreds of officials hired to keep nukes from going nuclear are fired, maybe, then rehired, maybe. Maybe they aren’t really fired, they just won’t be paid, or maybe they’ll be arrested today, who knows? If employees were involved with DEI, attended mandatory DEI meetings, had grandparents who were DEI lovers, or have even a drop of DEI blood, they better watch their backs.
Today, whether you’re planning a romantic evening for two or two hundred, you’ll want to hear David Waldman, the “Barry White of political podcasts”, on KITM, home of the hottest takes.
Elon Musk doesn’t know his SQL from a hole in the ground, but how hard is it really to sucker punch US government agencies defended by only strong rhetoric?
Dems seem kinda happy to be out of power. Gops are certainly happy that they are also out of power. Corporate media is delighted to phone it in.
Officers with the federal public integrity unit don’t want to be the one who aids and abets Mayor Eric Adams.
Pete Hegseth told NATO to never trust or rely upon the US anymore, and NATO agreed. JD Vance also brought his foreign policy to work today. The Vance Doctrine fights woke around the world. Little DOGEy Edward Coristine might have dabbled in racism and pedophilia back in his youth of last year, but Elon Musk will groom him to greatness.
Emil Bove, who somehow looks more like Stephen Miller than Miller does will hunt down the Jan 6 prosecutors he worked with before the end times.
Thomson Reuters wins the first major AI copyright case in the US.
David Waldman and Greg Dworkin are back and will continue to return until we straighten up.
Today in political procedure efficaciousness: Democratic Representatives aren’t really into leading a peaceful revolution at the moment, which will probably end in… something not so good… that they won’t be leading anyhow. Therefore, it falls upon Gops to be responsible and save the nation and stuff...
Meanwhile, Attorney General Pam Bondi, flanked by FBI agents, as a signal that she meant business, announced the immediate arrest of traitors to the Father… no wait, she didn’t. Plenty of others around the world are happy to, however, and Americans can and will die from this.
As per tradition, Gazans will be allowed to leave a trail of tears when relocated.
We abandon Ukraine. We abandon Nato. We abandon the world. We are such pussies.
Disney fights woke by taking the trigger warning off Dumbo, while slipping in the most woke verse to the most woke song on the most woke theme park ride ever. Finally, the yoke of woke is off entertainment! Finally, the Kennedy Center will be free to honor the next Leni Riefenstahl, as long as she’s blonde with double Ds.
The State Department said they were buying $400M in Cybertrucks. Elon Musk denied that the State Dept is buying $400M worth of Tesla Cybertrucks. The state department removed the word “Tesla” from the $400M contract. Waste and corruption are gone! You are welcome! Elon Musk will pay $10 million to settle its NOT-Z site lawsuit. Elon Musk collects $8 million per day for his DODGEY efforts. Even Elon’s son THX-1138 can do the math on who’s in charge here.
Arbitrary and capricious! Who’d guess that something as obscure as “law” would throw Trump off his righteous path? Trump and paperwork, man.
JD Vance has always been JD First, which he believes will get him into Heaven. Experts disagree.
IYL to KITM, YK but David Waldman only has two hours, weekdays, to tell you. Somedays, like today, Greg Dworkin shows up to assist via his many helpful interruptions.
Democrats will never bring a gun to a knife fight. They won’t bring a knife to a knife fight. They bring Robert’s Rules of Order to a knife fight. Dodgy Doges performing illegal acts on government property? What do you want Dems to do? Walk by a guard? No! Effective procedure is far too complex for that. Think of the trouble it would cause if Jasmine Crockett were to actually break Nancy Mace’s nose! No one wants trouble, no matter how good that trouble might be.
After all, we have the Constitution. They are still letting us have the rule of law (as of 2:10 PM EST) Yep, just wait for things to turn out right… Also, Gops seem to be morons, so there’s always some hope there. (Remember to NOT follow anyone on the NOT-Z site! They are always available elsewhere!)
Then there’s that DODGY, and its most Artful DOGEr, Elon Musk. Elon, wearing his son Mxyzptlk, was forced to call his worst employee onto the oval carpet yesterday. Donald was asleep at the job again, and worse couldn’t perform the simple task of lying to credulous access stenographers about why DODGY exists, which is of course to destroy Elon’s enemies, including all the poors, (Because hilarious!) leaving the remainder… the folks that get it.
New York Mayor Eric Adams gets it. But if it turns out he hasn’t, back into the box he goes. By the way, how did the Pope ever get the impression that JD Vance worshiped Christ?
Sunday’s Superbowl halftime show was the second most watched TV show of all time but may have taken the lead in the number of stupid people watching it. That is, stupid people and old white folks whose kids obviously didn’t them bring up right. Here today to guide us is KITM Senior Hip-Hop Correspondent and Cultural Zeitgeist Analyst Darwin Darko who personally recorded a quick 10-minute primer to catch us up.
On today’s KITM David Waldman reviews the freshest havoc being delivered direct to your door.
Donald opened the gates on Arkham Asylum yet again, Rod Blagojevich scurried out. Eric Adams will be allowed to remain “New York City” Mayor as long as he remembers whose mayor he really is. Trump streamlines the process and just legalizes bribery and corruption.
Judge Berman Jackson placed an administrative stay on the firing of Special Counsel Hampton Dellinger. Trump sent a lawyer in a velvet tux to shout “Objection!”
Today’s chaff explosion contains pennies and Lee Harvey Oswald’s laptop from hell. Also, Jan 6 cops were the rioters.
Trump’s biggest corruption ever, and possibly the biggest this week... or maybe today, is to create a Trump-centric economy and kill the watchdog. This began before the inauguration, when early crypto traders stroked the $TRUMPet and made millions from nothing, for no one.
Trump is a narcissistic sociopathic grifter, but he knows what side his bread is buttered on and isn’t interested in destroying all of his adoring fans. Elon Musk, however, is in this for the Lulz. He’s still giving out reasons for what he does, but that’s for his lulz as well. If he told the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau why he wanted in the door, they wouldn’t have let him in, and what is the fun in that?
Musk gets along with his little Dogeys by rescuing the worst of every litter. Elon knows who he needs for this job. If your bs got you fired, that bs will get you hired by Musk.
It’s Superbowl Monday! There may be some problem with saying that, but it also seems that most have bigger things on their plate.
David Waldman is here to help carry our metaphorical plates
Greg Dworkin somehow hauls in his Raft O’ Stories™ while riding in on the new FAFO Express™.
Jeff Stein over on the NOT-Z website describes what he sees as the DOGE game plan. (Jeff will describe it to you at the Good Place also.) Kingpin Elon Musk adds to Trump’s psychopathogarchy an all new economic model with him at the top of the pyramid scheme, and a system of government similar to your health insurance help line. Already Musk’s trademark efforts have cut worker turnover in half.
Elon’s handymen are busy installing backdoors all over Washington.
Much of what Boss Musk is doing is illegal, but who’s going to tell him, will he listen, and if not, who’s going to make him listen? JD Vance believes that Trump should just shut down the “federal” part of government and just hand off the rest to the States.
Russell Vought, the acting director of the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau, didn’t act that way for long, shutting it all down and adding a few more lawsuits to the pile. The National Security Agency will be deleting any websites that show bias… that is, the word “bias”, also “prejudice”, “racism” and “gender”. Everyone knows that if those words are eliminated, so of course would be the problems. Trump knows to fire the people foolish enough to come to the diversity training that he ordered.
Trump meanwhile assures citizens that the treasury is rigged, and that their dollars are fake, so just calm down until Mike Lindell takes a look at everything. Farmers were assured that their USDA funding would not be frozen, but no one promised that they would keep sending them checks. You can trust Trump to be a liar, but you can’t trust that he is always lying. You can trust Trump to be purely transactional, but you never know if you are the recipient, or the payment.
To no one’s surprise, the excuses the Trump White House is issuing for Elon Musk’s attacks on USAID are not true. Eleven of the 12 offered are just flat lies or inaccurate. The twelfth is just dumb. Meanwhile, Trump continues to insist on the dumbest possible reading of everything, including his claim that USAID subsidized Politico. Which, duh. Although maybe Politico thought they could get subsidized by the Trump “administration” if they licked his boots enough. Nope! Not only that, but Trump now thinks he’s ordered the government-wide cancellation of all media contracts. Probably not the best one, though.
If it’s not a White Guy, it’s DEI!™ NSA papers over, then re-reveals its “Hall of Honor” exhibits. Overzealous enforcement, or malicious compliance?
Anyway, you’ll never believe it, but Elon’s Lost Boys were lying about their access. Oh, and they’re racists. Oh, and Little Marco was lying about a fake freebie deal with Panama, too. Oh, and Elon’s been falling for Russian fake videos again.
Who benefits when USAID leaves the field? The other team(s). (Though Elon might actually be on those teams.) Who loses? The people Trump says he’s “protecting” from “anti-Christian bias.” Of course, he also thinks he’s protecting against anti-Jewish bias, too.
Did the Trump “administration” learn its lesson from Colombia, about treating deportees with minimum basic standards of dignity? Well, you heard me say it was Trump, right?
Pop quiz! Who is the Archivist of the United States?
Pop quiz! Who is the chair of the Federal Election Commission?
Google is your friend co-conspirator.
Gluttons for punishment or eternal optimists? David Waldman and Greg Dworkin are back, and so are you!
Be on the lookout! Someone has stolen 100,000 eggs, and the suspect is still at large... grade A, extra-large!
Alas, there are worse cartoon supervillains on the loose. Elon Musk is attacking his enemies, USAID and USA, while his chief henchman Trump finally breaks the Senate, orders America to check the undies of 9-year-olds, weaponizes government against the first female Coast Guard commandant, and pours billions of gallons of water into the sewer while looking into the eyes of drought-ridden farmers. Trump can’t find enough people here to set on his trail of tears, so he hopes to add Gazans. Democrats have yet to solidify around a solution, as most of the good solutions might be considered felonies.
Democracy is down, but maybe not out. Most people don’t like what’s happening, if that matters anymore. Gops don’t like Musk, but who does? And what just happened with Trump’s tariff strategy? Trump and paperwork, man! But then again, his boss Musk has some crafty little ones working for him. They were born into the age of trolling. Their entire life has been a black mirror, for them all reality is fungible. For them, all truth is no more or less than an internet poll. All those numbers and names are just data, bro.
We and David Waldman have made it to the Wednesday KITM! Now, let’s try for Thursday!
Greg Dworkin bursts through the door, cinders in his hair, shirt torn, exclaiming “The State of the Union is not... sound” before collapsing. Really? I read that The Sims is 25, but are things that bad out there? Why yes, things are that bad. You won’t be reading that on government websites, because they have been shut off. As for the MSM, “Trump is brazenly defying laws” must be hard to type from the lower intestine of a leopard, which is also a bad location to recover from. But what if Trump defies judges next? Well, that is the point in being “brazen”, right? Anyhow, Trump’s face will eventually be leopard chow, because Elon’s actually running this operation, somehow one step ahead of everyone with his gang of kids, including Big Balls and The Artful Dodger.
The Dems charge over the hill, cavalry bugling, finally. But who to rescue first? The FAA bans employees from making air travel safer. The USPS suspends and un-suspends packages from China. The Army doesn’t know what the F is going on. Trump hopes to have Gaza wrapped up to give Jared for Christmas. Don’t worry, Palestinians can come back after it’s “world class”, right after Paiutes return to Las Vegas and the Lenape to Manhattan. By then Gazans in the Middle East (and Africa!) will have collected enough condoms to line their new private swimming pools. And why does everyone keep trying to trade war Donald?
Oh, I forgot that Trump is an idiot figurehead, a complete cypher. Unfortunately, not enough people remember that. Remember that the enemy isn’t who Trump tells MAGA it is, it is whomever that Elon Musk thinks it is. At this moment the enemy is the less than a quarter of one percent of the US GDP in foreign aid. “Nonessential” USAID personnel will find out how essential they’ve been deemed late in the afternoon of the day that they need to leave their countries. The least essential guy available has been put in control of their future.
David Waldman spins the big wheel of awfulness, let’s see if your number comes up!
Our digital Pearl Harbor continues, and we continue to lose. Federal workers are reeling from the ongoing surprise attack. A 25-year-old working for Musk now has a few trillion dollars of his very own. You say it was your money? Try proving that with a deleted Social Security number. You say a federal judge backs you... What federal Judge? You say you have a paper trail… What’s paper? Chuck Schumer has a few zingers that he had hoped to unleash on Gerald Ford but now is as good a time as any.
Gops blame DEI in schools eating the cats and dogs to poop in the litterboxes.
Steven Miller says that you saw the ax in Trump’s hand when you let him in the door. What did you expect would happen? Anyhow, who’s Trump? President Musk has finished measuring the drapes and will be accepting the Oval Office now. Today’s random country is South Africa. South African President Cyril Ramaphosa begs Elon for mercy, not Donald. Donald’s happy to just sign stuff and go golfing.
Heads up to Democrats, today’s target is the Department of Education, so you’ll know to put that on your list to definitely get to, sometime. The Consumer Financial Protection Bureau just said F’ it and surrendered. The NSA puts burkas on their woman’s photos. Susan Collins is concerned.
Trump is putting together a sovereign wealth fund so that he still gets a chunk when this all goes down.
On today’s KITM, David Waldman and Greg Dworkinattempted to sum up what happened over the weekend. Now, let me try to sum up that.
Musk and Trump are about halfway in their overthrow of the United States. Democrats who stick with procedure as Gops violate norms, now consider violating norms as Gops violate laws. We wish them and the mainstream media godspeed in their journey. Meanwhile, between you and me, we seem pretty fucked... Musk has already taken over government computers, blinded their security, decapitated leadership across dozens of agencies, and incapacitated their defense in a weekend that will live in infamy… Not here, we’re talking Kanye here, but everywhere else in the world as they watch the USAFAFO.
And that’s not the half of it! Elon is taking the United States, but not before Donald can ruin it. Even Fox News will tell you that. Brian Stelter recommends that you subscribe to Canadian News. I recommend that you follow Brian Stelter on Threads, or Blue Sky! It sure beats following him on state media! Pour one out for the Star Ledger. The remaining US media sit in slack-jawed amazement as economists slowly explain the stuff they should’ve learned in high school. The Chair of the House Appropriations committee might need to retake remedial civics classes. Graduate level courses are offered by Matt Glassman on Nazi Social, but also, of course, on Blue Sky.
Hey! Remember last week, when Trump emptied reservoirs of water to punish California farmers for voting blue?
There is nothing wrong with your media device. Do not attempt to adjust the sound. We are controlling transmission... Well, we were for a while. On Libsyn and Patreon versions of today’s KITM David Waldman might have recorded a sign off, on others though, if you aren’t hearing anything after 1:42:18, that is not a very dramatic pause, you’re just out of podcast until Monday morning.
Anyhow, are you feeling shocked and awed? That was definitely the intent in Trump’s freezing of federal loans and grants, which has been rescinded… but was the order actually rescinded, or just the memo containing the order? Aha! Gotcha!
Expect this bullshit. The Office of Personnel Management “survey” contained a “resign” button that either does nothing or ruins your life. Spinning the wheel will never land you on seven months' pay, just a fork in the eye.
The Trump DOJ will now drop prosecution of Trump’s henchmen, because they are now the president’s henchmen. In the over 1,500 Jan. 6 insurrectionists pardoned several have been rearrested or killed in police shootouts, as well they should. And yet some expect the pardon to carry over to their future crimes.
Zuck invested another $25 mil to stay out of Gitmo.
FU, FIU.
With the show ending early, let me offer something constructive to do with your extra 15 minutes: KNOW YOUR RIGHTS. Make certain that everyone knows their rights. And, if you find yourself with a little extra rights compared to others, spread them around!
We now return control of the internet to you, until next Monday at this same time, when Kagro in the Morning will take you to... The Outer Limits.
David Waldman delivers us to the weekend, which is back to being just another day of chaos before the two days of chaos before he returns.
Ever think about Donald Trump’s… future after politics? Following his election loss in 2020, D would have been lucky to get the plot next to Ivana. Now, he’ll be buried like a Pharoah, to better pwn the libs. America’s Greatest Hugest Traitor might still be considered Confederate President Jefferson Davis, but how much have you heard about Jeff lately? While visiting the Trump pyramids, be sure to check out the 200 ft. tall bronze Kevin Roberts shovel. At least all of this will occur long after we’re all gone, 2028 maybe.
All of this will be paid for with the bitchange found between Elon Musk’s couch cushions. Newbie KITM Correspondent Brian Henry reports that the fate of the entire world hinges upon the Elon Musk-Peter Thiel pissing match, which is odd, as both agree that the world should be ended. Wait. Is the world’s richest man, also the world’s most powerful? Yes! No! FU!
D has picked his criminal lawyers for key Justice Department posts which is appropriate, considering that they are also his criminal lawyers… Just don’t snitch to the FBI!
President Caligula has selected Robert F. Kennedy Jr. to head the department of health and human services, based on the same criteria that he selected his previous cabinet, that is who can destroy that particular department most effectively, along with who would be the best fit in the monthly White House orgy lineup.
The Onion outbid us for the rights to Alex Jones’ InfoWars. It would have been nice, but we’re not bothered. Everyone knows that Kagro in the Morning is a much better name. Anyhow, David Waldman and Greg Dworkin wanted to rechristen it InfoNuancedAnalysiswithDrollChiding. The Onion should save up though, as www.usa.gov could become quite the bargain in about a year.
Dick Van Dyke is the only one who really has a solution to this administration, although MAGA will tell you that everything was solved when they inked in the bubble. When the day comes for you to be stood up against the wall, they’ll remind you that things would have been so much worse had Democrats been in control. That’s the motto that will be etched above the entrance of Agenda 47’s American Academy reeducation university.
Pete Hegseth goes from war crime promoter to Fox News couch clown to Secretary of Defense to Dancing with the Stars to Fox News. Pete believes that he is a Crusader, old-school, and he has the tatts to prove it.
Tulsi Gabbard goes from Bernie supporter to conspiracy theorist to… whatever you got, she’ll go there.
Apparently Matt Gaetz’s plastic surgery paid off. Matt has shown himself Guilfoyle enough to qualify for Attorney General. If Gaetz gets the position, he will wreak havoc, and if he doesn’t, the process will wreak havoc. Either way, there’s plenty of revenge and destruction to go around.
How does D benefit from these cabinet picks? Well, as long as he can do a little something each day to bring just a bit of pain, suffering and fear to everyone, he’ll be happy.
Well, at least another day brings us closer to finishing the vote counting. And that brings us closer to usable analyses. And because it’s Wednesday, Greg Dworkin can collect these analyses for us. There have been a sea of post-mortems, including several from blue island “survivors” adrift in red oceans, which are of varying levels of usefulness. Here’s one, though, from KY Governor Andy Beshear, which helpfully begins by letting us know who Andy Beshear is.
And another, which posits that the youngest voters are… well… young. Like others before them!
Speaking of usable analyses, how about the exact opposite of that? As in Trump’s cabinet picks and top appointments to date? They’re not useful, and they don’t do analyses. Take Pete “Pig Pen” Hegseth, for instance. (Please!) He says he doesn’t wash his hands, and he’d like to wash his hands of women in combat roles. As expected, most of the jobs are going to supplicants. And there are plenty of them out there! Although Speaker Johnson is beginning to hope (aloud) that no more of them come from House ranks.
Oh, and speaking of House ranks, here’s a story that rankles: two Gop nutjobs conspired to try to sneak a play past during a pro forma session. So “WhyDontchaJust” do that all the time? Because if you haven’t got the juice, they’ll drag you back in by the collar and make you undo it.
And how about that Elon Musk guy? He’s so annoying! How annoying is he? He’s so annoying, they write about it in India. His latest? The super-hilarious online meme joke, the “Department” of Government Efficiency. It’s not a department, and it’s so efficient, it has two bosses.
They won’t be able to “efficiency” Jack Smith out of a job, though! He’s taking care of that himself. But at least he was still on hand to see the classified document thief go inside for 15 years!
No, not that one. The other one!
David Waldman is back again plowing through another KITM cold bedraggled, and as all of us, undermedicated for the task at hand.
David was out with this cold on Friday, and I wrote a summary to an imaginary KITM. The summary to that summary: Tech bros created Spanish language dialect sensitive AI chatbots algorithm linked to young male Latino social media accounts based on what countries they follow in soccer, or any other niche criteria. They then had disinformation and conspiracy theories tailored specifically to them, but with the ultimate goal being GOTV for Donald Trump. Or to sum up that summary, while we were door-knocking, they were TikTokking.
So, President Donald Trump was… look, all that takes more typing than he’s worth. I’m going with D this term. D’s dictating his cabinet. No Hulk Hogan or Kid Rock, but he might be thinking SCOTUS with them. Susie Wiles will head up Apartheid when Elon’s busy and otherwise will be the focus of media fluff pieces on her grandmotherly charm. Elise Stefanik and Marco Rubio will… Wait, don’t they hate D? Doesn’t he hate them? Sure, they all hate each other. Never Trumpers are just Trumpers who haven’t been assigned a position yet.
Which brings us to Jonathan V. Last and the Bulwark, who urge us to let the Reich be the Reich, those things historically burn themselves out in around 4 years or so, no worries. Kevin Roberts, chief architect of Project 2025, hasn’t found a Reichstag to burn, but does have an otherwise well-rounded list of incendiary targets. Roberts has named the Boy Scouts and Loudoun Schools, but conspicuously snubbed David Waldman for his pyre. Schools urge parents to be more sympathetic to the sexual harassing children. Black people are urged to pick cotton.
Vladimir Putin is itching to take his new country out for a test drive, after all he was promised 24-hour delivery. The Russia-Ukraine war will be over in a day… that is, if no one else objects. Russian TV broadcast images of Melania Trump nude with the United States Seal behind her. If you want a picture of Melania with a Navy Seal behind her, it’ll cost you extra.
Judge Juan Merchan delayed his immunity decision in the NY hush money case, because, why not?
Phil Williams, who we needed 500 more of the last ten years, has joined Bluesky.
David Waldman, brought to you by Cold-EEZE®, brings us a Monday KITM.
How have we failed? Here, let Greg Dworkin count the ways. Turns out that we were all kinds of stupid until a few days ago, but far too dumb for it to dawn on us until now. We were idiots, idiotic in myriads of interconnected ways that will require this program and others years to explore in full.
First mistake, we elected Joe Biden. Then we tried to elect a Black woman. I mean, what were we thinking? We simply forgot to pretend we were what we are not, which is either a tried and true political technique, or the reason that people hate politicians… one of those. The news will explain which one it is to us soon, I hope.
What do us dummies get for our lack of intelligence? A brand-new streamlined government that won’t ever need to slow down to get our opinions on everything. Heck, we won’t even need a president soon. President Musk… well, acting president Trump demands that the next Senate leader allow recess appointments, so that the next Senate leader can be the leader of nothing. Trump could skip the legislative branch to directly corrupt the judicial branch, thus more than doubling his available golfing hours... Elon already picked Rick Scott for Donald, so when is tee time?
The only thing we have going for us is that they are even more stupid, if that’s possible. Rudy Giuliani got a handout of $200 thousand to keep him from starving to death or ever having to apply for a SNAP card.
Not a great time to be stricken by a nasty cold, but that’s among the many unfortunate turns we’ve been dealt this week! But we haven’t been carted away in irons just yet. We’ll be back on Monday. But until then, it’s another time-travel episode. As usual, the theme is “this time last year.” Because “what it was like last time we did this” was just too much. A year ago today... The collective sigh of relief here at KITM World Headquarters probably delayed our first local snowfall by weeks. Host David Waldman and Guest Star Greg Dworkin are here today to do whatever the opposite is of “fret” … (We might not have a word for that.) We won. That is, we the people of the United States who care about democracy and what not. Dems romped, Gops flopped, pretty much everywhere, notably in Ohio, as voters knew Republican gaslighting by heart after seeing it being used to failure in state after state before them. Freedom and liberty continue to reign as the Buckeye State turns a new leaf. Ohio Republicans pledge to continue to fight freedom, liberty and the rights of individuals until their last breaths. Virginia won big by helping Glenn Youngkin lose big. Loudoun County of course did their state proud. Even Pennsylvania triumphed and extended their Democratic majority. Pundits wonder if all this winning should worry Joe Biden and embolden Donald Trump, and someone continues to pay them. Someone keeps paying House Republicans also, including even Marjorie Traitor Greene. At least Marge is out there proposing some staff cuts. Republicans understand that the biggest obstacle to their governing would be democracy, and no one is more behind that idea than Donald Trump. George Stephanopoulos would like to know where people stand on this before his interviews. Hey, now that you’re in a good mood, isn’t it a great time to consider donating to one or more grassroots campaigns as we head into the Big One next November?
Let’s see… We lost Tester and Brown. We kept Greene and Boebert. And soon both Biden and Trump will be spending more time brushing up on their golf. Why does it feel like the math isn’t right? David Waldman and Greg Dworkin try to help cypher it out.
First things first, whose fault is it? Maybe anti-incumbent sentiment drove voters to the former President running for his third or fourth term, or it was the insidious far left media… or maybe a plurality of dumbass voters just like Trump.
Young Latino males made a huge shift to Donald Trump. Was it economic anxiety? Racism? Sexism? Well, yes… but who motivated them to vote?
Gops win elections through voters who don’t trust the government. Therefore, once elected they will strive to make it less trustable. People made poor then vote for people to make them poorer.
Here in Ohio, there was a campaign to reduce gerrymandering, and a campaign to confuse voters about what they were voting for. I can tell you that an issue that takes up more than 2 pages of a ballot to describe is pretty tempting to skip over. David can tell you about how this trick has been used before.
Will Trump go to jail? No. Will Trump be sentenced? No. Will anyone connected to Trump’s crime sprees go to jail? No… Other than Jack Smith, maybe.
The good news is that we won’t be reading all the Post and Times articles telling us it’s time to reach out to MAGA, across the aisle to Gops, pardon Trump to unite the country, etc. Otherwise, you know, it sucks.
Our bubble was fun and all while it lasted, but theirs turned out to be a bit more accurate. Probably because theirs now speaks in many national, regional, and local Spanish dialects, and we use Google Translate. It was Hispanic vs. Women’s outreach, and the women won when it was something that didn’t involve men, like pregnancy.
David Waldman showed up to work today, and Greg Dworkin had a Raft O’ Stories™, which we sunk in the harbor after we keelhauled the pollsters and fed them to sharks.
Oh, a few items washed up on shore... Russian fake bomb threats, FBI impersonators, billionaire ratfuckers, bad cops, Supreme Court Justices with multiple allegiances… little things that used to feel kind of relevant but are simply microscopic compared to what’s next.
Wait, don’t leave sad! There must be some good news around here… Ann Johnson Stewart won a special election which gave DFL control of the Minnesota Senate! And uhm, Democrats broke the Republican supermajority in the North Carolina General Assembly! Hooray!
Want to relax, and escape the stresses of today? Take some time out with KITM and listen to David Waldman talk about politics for a couple of hours! (Sort of a “hair of the dog” solution.) If 2 hours aren’t enough, check out our archives! (Probably skip October - November 2016, just saying.)
This morning, Harris volunteers filled up six buses to head to Pennsylvania in order to… well, it depends on who you ask. Gop false electors returning after receiving their felony indictments probably suspect the worst, but all those people in line could be there for the dope drops. Donald defines voter suppression as not voting for him and an offence punishable by… you know.
Tim Walz knows how to talk shop with voters, nice! What’s really nice is having Joan McCarter on to talk shop! If Joan knows who’ll be elected president, she’s not telling. She recommends checking in with the Center for Politics site. They don’t know either, but like Joan, they do know many things. So do the folks at Uncharted Blue. No matter how hardcore online you are, you might find some new voter day distractions at these places, and all the better to keep tabs on which states are protecting abortion rights. Joan also isn’t sure what has fallen out of Gop candidate Tim Sheehy lately, or at least, what it fell out of.
Marge Lamp, one of the nuts trying to ban fluoride back in the 60’s, was Ginni Thomas’ mother! Must have been something in the water…
You can’t say that Rudy Giuliani had learned nothing prosecuting the mob, but you can say that he hasn’t learned enough yet.
Elon Musk revealed that his $1 million dollar giveaway trolling wasn’t as illegal as thought, but twice as disgusting. So, Trump Media outsourced jobs to Mexico, what are you going to do about it, impose tariffs? JD Vance’s key adviser gets fired, says he was only joking, things just seem a lot funnier while high AF. A Trump field director was fired for being a White Nationalist. Cut off his head, and two more will pop up… cut off those, and it would be a start.
David Waldman and Greg Dworkin are on the air today with a new KITM, instead of quietly slipping across the border, a development that can only be interpreted to portend positively.
Have you heard? Pollsters actually receive paychecks for what they do! Now, now... Nates do work hard… to explain and rationalize their previous errors. But pollster Ann Selzer ain’t no Nate. Yesterday, Selzer startled the rest of her herd with the release of a poll showing a Kamala lead in Iowa! Perhaps Iowans woke up and decided to not be extremists, or perhaps it was women voters... Maybe it was the youth vote, or maybe the youths talking sense into the olds. The last-minute surge might signify some hard decisions, or some easy ones finally being made. Already, some of the polling herd is beginning to sidle up. Who knows the real why, but it does feel pretty good.
It also could be that Gops and Trump are demented MFers and voters are tired of giving them any more chances, money, or pity. Elon Musk has been overestimated for the millionth time. Lucky for him, Elon does have a buffer of several billion more. Over on the same end of the spectrum, RFK Jr. is planning to safeguard the nation’s precious bodily fluids, including our two most precious: Mountain Dew and mayonnaise. Calgary turned off the fluoride and now will invest millions to turn it back on again.
Donald Trump sure does look like he’s going down, however his troops might not have received the news. It’s not election day yet and they’re brandishing machetes, punching little old ladies, and blowing up drop boxes… not exactly unexpected. Donald has a few lawsuits cooking already with CBS and the Washington Post, which are heading to his first or second favorite judge, Judge Matthew Kacsmaryk. NBC, feeling good after landing a cameo by popular TikTok phenomenon Kamala Harris, is now throwing Donald a bone: TV King for 90 seconds.
RIP to this election’s Harambe, Peanut the Squirrel.
David Waldman counts down the days until Thanksgiving and Christmas… both due in about 4 days if all goes well…
Gops cut the money to monitor elections, making it much easier for MAGA to create problems. Trump’s Supreme Court skips Congress, the Constitution, precedence, whatever, to disenfranchise voters. Donald Trump relentlessly lies, cynically grifts, maniacally rants, and viciously threatens... Every. Single. Day. Donald Trump wants you to accept this as normal. And we are… at least half of us, or maybe, maybe, a few less than half of us. 10 years ago, the only thing normalized about Trump was his raping… Okay, his racism, fraud, criminal connections, ineptitude, too. Maybe a few more things… maybe a lot more things. Family man Elon Musk was considered a bit weird back in the day as well.
People who vote in person can be terrorized. People who use drop boxes can be terrorized as well. A so far pretty unsuccessful ballot box burner is being described as a balding 40-year-old white male against occupying Gaza, into metal crafts, and driving a Volvo on the streets of Portland… well, that cuts it down.
Meta’s weaknesses are many, as their defenses seem mostly reactive, and bots are designed to actively exploit them.
A Russian court ordered Google to pay $20 decillion, making Trump wish he went bigger in his $10 billion lawsuit against CBS. Donald will probably go quattuordecillion in his upcoming lawsuit against Trump Media. Kenneth Chesebro won’t be his lawyer, though.
They say that the only thing that can stop a bad government database of gun owners is a good government database of gun owners.
Tucker Carlson only wishes that the demons he sleeps with would have the common courtesy to trim their nails before they came to bed.
Happy Halloween! Even David “Wooooo” Waldman and Greg “Disquieting” Dworkin can’t scare us any more than we already are.
For Halloween, Donald Trump appeared in Wisconsin sporting his unwiped butthole face accessorized by a reflective vest and came so tantalizingly close to falling on his head before taking a ride in a garbage truck… in the front this time. Garbage-Man, Garbage-Man! Toss him into that garbage can. Blocking peen, any size, MAGA eats it up, just like flies! Look out! Here comes the Garbage-Man!
But wait… what do the polls say? They say it’s a close one, and about 10 people’s votes will count. Ah, but which 10 is now the question, eh? It’s time for some 19th Amendment solutions for our problems. More than half of us will vote before election day, with some surprising niches backing Kamala Harris, like Arnold Schwarzenegger! Who knows who will pop up tomorrow, but they probably won’t be for Donald Trump.
KITM Senior Amenities Correspondent Darwin Darko is not positively Yelping the Kamala Harris Eclipse overflow space experience but figures it could be a sign of her campaign’s overperformance.
Kamala is getting a few Halloween treats, so Gops are working on some Mike Johnson tricks to even things out. Yet, they keep forgetting to leave the bag on the step when they light it on fire to run away. The Trump Supreme Court is fine tuning their voter disenfranchisement with 1600 voters tossed to them from Glenn Youngkin.
Want to see something scary? Check out this North Carolina superintendent race.
We’re under a week to go! Well, under a week until we transition into Trump’s post-election chaos plans.
We’re also on Day 3 of fallout from the Madison Square Garden debacle. So it was high time that the Gop attempt to manufacture some counter-outrage. But it didn’t take, largely because Kamala Harris supporters turned out so, well, largely, at the Ellipse.
Greg Dworkin was on hand to round up the day’s news and themes, commentary on the strength of the economy, late-breaking state-of-the-race items, and of course, reminders of what’s at stake.
Quants will enjoy parsing the stats on early, in-person (EIP) voting, and some more of those polls that can’t actually tell you much.
Why can’t they tell you much? Well, we’ve got that, too.
Oh, and speaking of EIP voting, do you know why that’s so much better to do in Connecticut than voting absentee, now that it’s available to you? Greg does!
As if to signal the end of the Era of the Newspaper, Gannett and others now join the parade of non-endorsing papers. But the Gannett order goes much further than just their flagship, USAToday. And it also turns out that the manipulation at the LA Times goes much further, as well.
The panic is setting in over in the Trump camp, so the accusations are ramping up. And as you know, Every Republican Accusation is a Confession.™ So what are they confessing to? Well, in Pennsylvania, it’ll be fake video of “vote” tampering. In Minnesota, it’s just plain voter fraud. While in Indiana, it’s a ballot theft. By someone who was, just recently, on the ballot.
Somehow, though, repeatedly getting caught does not persuade Republicans that voter fraud — let alone large-scale voter fraud — would actually be quite difficult.
From TikTok World comes a reminder that even old news can be new news to somebody. In this case — because it’s TikTok — it’s “the kids.” And “the kids” are alright. Although we definitely feel their pain as they discover, for the first time as adults, the Access Hollywood tape. More specifically, what it means to find out that their fathers, uncles, brothers, pastors, etc. knew about this years ago, and have been voting for Trump ever since.
Still to come, if the story can break through some time in the near future: Elon Musk, immigration hypocrite. What? No way!
It’s Tuesday, the day David Waldman reserves to discuss the latest happenings with KITM’s leading political expert, himself.
Hey, have you heard the latest jokes from Donald Trump’s New York rally? They’re being told and retold across the US. Some people laughed. Many people didn’t. Imagine the hilarity had the woke organizers not censored everyone. No one has a sense of humor anymore. No one, except whoever decided to let Steven KG Bannon out of jail 6 days before the election. That’s some humor there.
Who was at Donald’s lovefest? Somebody definitely knows. Trump’s axis insist, “Nein, wir sind keine Nazis! Das ist ein Liebesfest!”
Trump promises to hire Elon Musk if elected. Donald might need Elon to run Truth Social. Also, Trump doesn’t need FBI vetting his appointees. Donald knows what he’s looking for.
David had wondered what would happen if ballots in drop boxes were destroyed. Apparently, so did an arsonist or two in a few states so far. Of course, there is more than one way to destroy a ballot, and MAGAs are working on them all.
Remember Kamala Harris? Jeff Bezos still can’t quite recall the name
David Waldman counts down the days until it all ends. Hopefully not everything... but hopefully most things. Meanwhile, Greg Dworkin counts how many items he can place onto the KITM story conveyor belt before his hour is up.
Sunday’s MAGANAZI rally in New York might be Donald Trump’s last big rally, wouldn’t that be nice? Other than that, there was nothing nice about it. It turns out that a lot of straight white men think it’s uniquely edgy hilarious to joke about people who aren’t them, especially with setups and punchlines at a minimum over a century old. Gags that apple head dolls Newt and Callista laughed at back in the day are somehow brand new again. The original German has now become the original Trump. If Donald had said the opening quips for instance, no one would have noticed. In fact, corporate media would not have noticed this had pesky readers not pointed it out to them. Who knew there were Puerto Ricans in the United States?
Clearly, after all that crap, the winner is Kamala Harris… Other than the fact that I just shared about twenty links on Trump with you before a single Harris one… Little shards of attention being passed around a million different ways about Trump, good or bad, are still about Trump. Trump’s where the clicks are, the clicks are where the money is, and the money doesn’t want to upset that.
Good thing that elections aren’t won by clicks, yet. Still, Republicans have held thousands of zoom meetings to manufacture misinformation in order to dismantle democracy. If Trump gets in, he will make certain that no one is bothered by the details of what he’s up to ever again.
Ah, Friday! What a great way to kick off the weekend. Even one we know will likely be kind of stressful!
But longtime friend-of-the-show Ian Reifowitz has an abundance of (appropriately tempered) optimism to share with you! Starting with early voting information, which we can get away with because Greg wasn’t here. But you don’t have to just take his word for it. You can take his word for the fact that someone else’s word says there’s reason for optimism.
There’s a new sequel to “economic anxiety” coming out. People may be wrong about what’s happening, why, and what to do about it. But they’ve each got a vote.
Leon Musk’s voter “lottery” is probably illegal, the DOJ says. But “Who gives a crap about the law?”, Musk says.
You know who else doesn’t give a crap about the law, but does not look like a deflating basketball? Jared Kushner! Isn’t that guy basically a paid agent of Saudish Arabia?
Brad Raffensperger says there won’t be any non-citizens voting in Georgia this time. And yet, this will make Donald Trump even madder at him.
Remember that optimism Ian left us with? Let’s destroy it! Trump’s path to cheating his way back into the White House is narrower than ever, but are there armed weirdos out there who are crazy enough to try it? Sure. Welcome to would-be-Mogadishu, North Carolina.
David Waldman brings us the Thursday KITM which is still mostly preoccupied with election news, even though it’s, like weeks away.
Greg Dworkin warns us to not pay much attention to or rely on polls at this point… So, let’s talk polls! Generally, several are very good, and the ones that aren’t, aren’t so bad. People sure are voting, though, which is nice, especially when you are trying to elect someone.
The voting bloc really going for Harris is made up of Republicans who know Donald Trump, the more familiar they are, the more likely they are voting Kamala.
Does the ideology or objectivity of any journalist really matter, when their owners and bosses are the opposite? Elon Musk wants world domination for the lulz, and isn’t afraid to spend a fraction of his day’s pay to get it. None of lazy grifter Musk’s scams are awfully clever or original but are unique only in how much money he puts into them and how much he expects to take out. Elon’s partnership with lazy grifter Donald Trump might be failing due to the enemy within… thousands of small-time lazy grifters. If only they had the kind of generals that Adolf Hitler had! Trump sounds pretty fascist to former General John F. Kelly, and also to Kamala Harris.
David Waldman and Greg Dworkin capture the latest insanity in a bottle and pour it directly into your ears.
13 days until election day, although at least 18 million of us would be ok with it being today. Judges, DAs, sheriffs, lawmakers, ballot measures, AGs, & presidents will be decided!
A Nate precisely explains how he screwed up his 2016 polling, and how he screwed up his 2020 polling. Nate’s still busy crunching the numbers on how he screwed up his 2024 polling, so he’d prefer that he be paid in advance at this time, thank you.
In those polls Kamala Harris clings to her slim lead. All of this is making the Harris team jittery, or maybe it’s the coffee they had lately. Or possibly… maybe… they aren’t worried. Gop polls are rigged to red because Trump needs something to wave over his head after the election.
Many women have waited their entire lives for a chance to vote in this election. Actually, they waited their entire husband’s lives for the chance.
Bulletin: Kamala Harris lifted language that the National District Attorneys’ Association supplied to DA’s to lift and place into their testimonies. But to be fair, Donald Trump has his foibles and faux pas, such as his frequent praising of Hitler, setting up trials and tribunals for political enemies, third-world authoritarian positioning of Aileen Cannon and other suck ups to his cabinet and elsewhere, and of course, pooping in the fryolator after closing.
Tim Pool is taking time off incelling to give not incelling a try.
Tiny towns in Georgia and Oregon gathered up their residents to fight off invisible men from Mars invisible antifa super soldiers to rescue the American way of life.
Listening to David Waldman and today’s KITM is part of your civic duty, but only part. Now is the time to phone bank, or door knock. Enjoy the foliage, listen to us on your buds.
Donald Trump mocked minimum wage earners while cosplaying one at a Potemkin McDonald’s, which is weird, as Donald does dislike being seen as one of the little guys. Trump sure isn’t the sort to turn down implants though if he saw an advantage, therefore he might be up for a brain implant, even if it was linked to Elon’s Bluetooth…
Technocratic government conspirators have wanted to install a utopian one-world government for ages, but all of a sudden that doesn’t sound like a bad thing anymore to the rich tech bros out to bitcoin the economy, uber the workforce, and John Galt their incelness.
Back in the real world, infants are dying at higher rates following abortion bans in the US. A top Florida health department attorney finally quit his job of threatening TV stations with prosecution if they did not stop airing ads that Ron DeSantis didn’t like.
According to a Montana park ranger, and several factual records, Senatorial candidate/dick Tim Sheehy shot himself, then incriminated fellow soldiers to make himself sound better. Not too good of a plan, and it didn’t work.
David Waldman will be presenting only a dozen more KITMs before the election, and this here is one of them!
Arnold Palmer is world renowned, and universally admired for a myriad of accomplishments and attributes. So, you can guess which Donald Trump would remember and admire him for, right?
Meanwhile, if you had ever wanted to see an impressive poll, you knew that you could always check in with Greg Dworkin. This year however, pollsters want to make it clear that no one should trust them to provide anything of any value whatsoever. Want a prediction? Look elsewhere. That said, let’s whip them out and see what we’re working with. Well, Trump’s might be tightening, but Kamala’s still a little bigger. Strangely, it depends on what you put in there for scale, 2020, or 2022, and you need to consider those differences in propensity. There are somewhat fewer early votes than 2020, but still a whole lot of early votes. Again, conclude away, but no promises.
Arnold’s putts aren’t Trump’s only obsession. Ronald McDonald Trump got to pretend to be a fry cook, a truck driver, and President of the United States. Brain surgeon and double aught secret agent are still on the wish list. Fellow rich guy working through his fantasies, Elon Musk only wants to p’wn the world, starting with Donald Trump and moving out from there. Watch how funny the peasants dance for $100! What will they do for a million? Musk isn’t interested in buying democracy though, only trolling mankind. (Timothy Mellon already bought the government.) Who needs to run the world anyhow? So many details! No fun at all.
David Waldman remains our source for political and cultural analysis and is almost certainly not AI generated.
AI bots, as expected, prefer Donald Trump and Gops. Once we create reply-bots, all social media will be just bots arguing with each other, then we all can find something more constructive to do. “Donald Trump” was a character introduced on The Apprentice in the 2000’s which gained a form of monstrous sentience, sort of, and now roams the countryside as a Norman Vincent Peale asshole menacing the unsuspecting. The monster craves affirmations, which never satiates it, but only increases its boorish danger.
Could this week’s developments change the race? Meh. You should see next week’s developments!
Donald Trump set insurrectionists on foot on Jan 6. Now he states that he is one of them. Election deniers might boobytrap voting drop boxes. Who knows what Trump will do when he gets back in power? No, really, who knows?
Other than Trump, no one needs a Trump takeover more than Elon Musk, who might need to make his own country if he can’t buy this one.
Did you know that voting can reduce the chances of a Trump presidency? Wives are reminded that no one sees their vote at the polls, although some know differently. A Georgia woman had to wait 80 years to have nobody looking over her shoulder.
Megan Marshack dies at 70, as so perhaps her secrets.
A strain of influenza died… Thanks Covid!
David Waldman brings us a Thursday KITM without Greg Dworkin, who’s still on assignment covering ongoing Canadian Thanksgiving celebrations, most likely.
Kamala Harris paid her dues on Fox News yesterday, where today they’re calling her everything they can think of, except perhaps “shrill” for some reason. Donald Trump boogied onto venues rigged to not trigger the old fart, and yet old farting was all he offered. Donald claims that he wasn’t aware that he was the Father of IVF until it was explained to him. But he did admit that he was an insurrectionist on January 6. Judge Tanya Chutkan will probably take that confession over the phony boloney his lawyers are peddling.
Elon Musk spent $100 million to create a web of disinformation around Project 2025, called "Progress 2028". Someone you know has recently or soon will send you a link to it in order to prove something to you.
Donald Trump is either going to jail or he’s not. What’s one more Fifth Avenue shooting to him at this point? What’s one more porn star bribe? What’s a little more creative bookkeeping?
What’s JD Vance’s advisor smoking? Everything!
On today’s KITM, David Waldman helps Greg Dworkin haul in his huge Raft O’ Stories™, along with a big boatload of helpful polls.
All the polls add up to one conclusion… The polling business must pay well. Using polls to make predictions however is like trying to drive with your rearview mirror. All we know is that our destination is coming up fast. Polls say you might vote for Donald Trump if you think he’s macho. Of course, if that’s a consideration for you, you definitely are voting for him.
Others might be concerned that Donald is a rapidly decompensating dotard. It’s obvious in interviews, inescapable in every word that he utters. Yet he has been like this for a while, right? It is 20 days until the election, if the smell hasn’t hit them yet, we are almost out of time.
Reporters are noticing that Joe Biden has done a pretty good job, saved the world, etc.
A Bernie or Bust-er has an epiphany, better late than never.
In a short while we’ll find out whose GOTV in Pennsylvania sucked more and wasted more money.
Low-income families aren’t rich enough to be able to afford to use school vouchers.
Today, David Waldman weaves us a cuddly fall KITM.
At Donald Trump’s Philadelphia town hall, Trump ceased taking questions, retreated to a corner of the stage, then swayed and waved his arms about for around 40 minutes. Campaign staff rushed to play several songs known to please him, yet Donald could not be coaxed forward, and the event was cut short. In other words, it was a huge improvement over Trump’s other recent events, and it looks like it might be the template implemented in the weeks prior to the election. Kamala Harris was so impressed that she showed clips of him at her rally.
Donald Trump would be happiest making a music, and never leaving the 80’s. Why didn’t Bette Midler ever boogie with Donny at Studio 54? Why couldn’t Dustin Hoffman ever let him sit at the cool table? Now we all pay for the respect he couldn’t buy. General Mark Milley warns that the whole world will pay if Trump is elected.
Besides destroying democracy, the economy, and the world, Donald Trump is certain to pretty much harsh the whole vibe. Don’t vote for him, imo, unless you think he owes you a pardon.
A Georgia judge rules that county election officials need to stay in their lane and only make their elections run smoothly.
A Christian Nationalist law firm, ADF, has successfully worked around democracy to do things that no one wants without them knowing about it. Locally, anti-abortion groups intercept emails and fake ultrasounds to achieve the same ends.
David Waldman is back, atoned, rested and ready to take on another big news week with us.
Greg Dworkin tells us to take a deep breath as the horses enter the back stretch, as the smell will only get worse from now on. Experts do agree, the presidential race outlook is… hazy. Check back with them as long as your cash holds out. Face it, if the corporate media had told you that it was a blowout earlier, you’d be reading the sports page this month, and millions of dollars would have just slipped through their fingers. Internal polling is maybe a different story, but could be just as wrong.
Mass media’s efforts to continually relevel the playing field does create a fertile environment for more news stories, such as armed militia gathering to challenge FEMA forces. Some of that is Elon’s doing, of course, but Greg is determined to quote them until their last post.
MAGA will not like hearing who discovered America. Their cognitive dissonance is assimilated into rationalizations, conspiracy theories, or simply repressed. Donald Trump needs to act crazier each day to keep anyone’s attention... Except, he’s not acting. Kamala Harris, on the other hand, could solve all of the world’s problems, but if that widened rather than tightened the horse race, why would the news be interested?
Therefore, the news is Trump’s latest assassin. Although he isn’t. Boy, If only Donald had an A-10 Warthog at Coachella, those things wouldn’t keep happening. At least this time Trump wasn’t embarrassed by people leaving his rally early.
Nationalism is still an increasing threat in America, but the latest good news is the impact a Nazi recently made back in Germany.
Did you see the Northern Lights? David Waldman didn’t. Neither did I, and I am further north. Oh well, perhaps some another night. As with Donald Trump’s farts, there’ll always be a chance to experience another soon.
Maybe that won’t sound as threatening in a few weeks. Or maybe Elon will make them smell like fresh snickerdoodles. Maybe we’ll get used to them. We are running out of ways to explain how bad this is. Laws are broken, people die, and the Kamala Harris campaign is being choked out by lies, disinformation, and just garbage.
Facebook itself is paying creators to make cheap AI slop to drive engagement, but mostly it engages bots into sharing more slop to attract the attention of more bots, which is also the X business model. The singularity will be reached once humans become indistinguishable from slop, about a week from now.
Hungry for news? David Waldman serves up the latest, KITM style.
Big “They” are at it again, running their weather machine amok in the south, shutting off the power to millions of KITM fans, forcing Donald Trump into reluctantly lying about absolutely every imaginable thing, and jeopardizing his reputation as America’s truthteller. You might start to doubt people wearing “Auto Workers For Trump” T-shirts aren’t actually auto workers. You might suspect that public schools aren’t secretly switching your kid’s gender when you aren’t looking. For Donald, his word has always been as good as gold. You might say it’s in his blood. In fact, Trump will swear that the truth on each Trump Bible you purchase in the next half hour. If anyone says otherwise, well, they won’t be saying that for long.
KITM Correspondent Steve Sittig asks, “If you can’t trust Trump on current events, then how can you trust him on 1890’s economics and history?”
Now that Musk family, they’re liars from way back.
KITM Correspondent Seth Chipman records part 1 of his 2-part series on Southern California's latest water scandal.
Gops figure that most voters will vote against them, so why not suppress most voters? Pennsylvania “ice cream trucks for voting” could at least pick something to play other than “Turkey in the Straw.”
There are simple ways to prevent abortion, but for some reason people lean into the most awful ones.
Greg Dworkin helps round up another day of news, and another day of the Kamala Harris media blitz. Today’s collection of clips to fumble over range from Colbert’s Harris interview intro, to… Colbert’s Harris interview.
As the next hurricane bears down on Florida, Republicans across the states hit by the last one are having to clean up Trump’s lies about the clean up. Never Trumpers recognize this as the Gop platform. While pro-Trumpers like Elon “Leon” Musk see the disaster as a promotional platform. No one’s entirely sure of what some conservative Christians see in the platform, but apparently there are millions of them uninterested in voting. So we’ve got that going for us. Which is nice.
One thing you hear a lot, if you talk about the polls often enough: the polls are either wrong, or they don’t make sense. Here’s a way to make sense of them either not making sense or being wrong.
Trump begins a series of rallies inexplicable with conventional campaign strategies: in Aurora, CO (where he’ll lose, but which evokes his racist targeting of immigrant communities); in NYC’s Madison Square Garden (where he’ll lose, but which evokes memories of previous Nazi rallies), and; in Coachella, CA (where he’ll lose, but which hold out the possibility that he’ll be baked to death).
“God Bless the USA,” but make the check out to China. You’ll never guess (nor do you have to, now) where those Trump bibles are printed!
Are you better off now than you were four years ago? Well, four years ago, you may have been waiting in line for hours, to get to a drive-through mass testing site, to be screened for COVID. But that’s not what Vladimir Putin was doing, thanks to the guy who was supposed to be putting America First.
David Waldman has good news for those stuck in traffic evacuating from hurricanes: You have a brand new KITM to listen to. Two of those hours will just fly by! Ron DeSantis is out there hunting looters, transgenders and choicers while waiting for Milton to give him reason to really clamp down.
Another day, another big media appearance for Kamala Harris. This time it was 60 Minutes where Kamala delivered plenty of substance instead of the juicy soundbites. Meanwhile, Donald Trump countered good news with bad disinformation while unveiling his final solution for migrant problems. Economically anxious MAGA look forward to its implementation. Elon Musk promises easy money for any migrant who brings in a voter.
Ace KITM Correspondent Rosalyn MacGregor questions why the Equal Rights Amendment has not yet been added to the Constitution, and suggests who you should question, and how.
Can you believe it? Trump hid Brett Kavanaugh from the FBI, while sending Covid tests to Russia while Americans died! Probably don’t vote for that guy. Also, a “Moms For Liberty” pastor is a registered sex offender.
You knew that sooner or later, Donald Trump would be grifting Bibles. He just needed the right partner. Oklahoma is stepping up to help sell $3.3 million worth, not just to widows, but also to schoolmarms.
David Waldman is back from the weekend, and actually he’s back from less than half of a weekend after kicking out a BONUS KITM Part III of his Special Counsel Jack Smith’s motion trilogy! No extra charge! As always, 100% commercial free! (sigh) Plus, today we have Greg Dworkin! Do you know how much a doctor would normally charge you for an hourlong consultation?
Less than 30 days before the election, yet Kamala Harris has not granted us an interview. WHAT IS SHE AFRAID OF? Tim and Kamala are sitting down with everybody from Fox News to Steven Colbert, to Howard Stern, and on non-political podcasts such as Call Her Daddy and All the Smoke, who might not be a Kagro in the Morning, but they do have their niches. In fact, the Harris campaign is probably talking to a lot of people who need to hear what she is saying. The mainstream media may not be that useful to Dems anymore, but why doesn’t she go on Hannity?
Meanwhile, Donald Trump travels the Broverse on his red-pill podcast tour. If he can’t be elected president of the United States, maybe he can just break off a piece and take it with him, to share with only people pure of race. Or he could just pretend that he is president. Mike Johnson can work with that. After all, who needs competence of any kind once you have AI?
AI sure has made lying easier for anti-miscegenation Senator Mike Braun. Your reality is now only limited by his imagination. Of course, old fashion lying still works for PA Republican candidate Dave McCormick, who faked an autism event with the help of a restaurant and a church. (Who don’t want to help him anymore.) AI wasn’t good enough for a 64-year-old white man in Springfield who spent the day killing geese.
That’s right! A special Saturday episode!
And it’s two hour and 45 minutes long, too!
I just couldn’t leave the rest of Special Counsel Jack Smith’s motion in opposition to Trump’s claims of presidential immunity in the January 6th case hanging until next week.
Not after spending four hours on it already, on the Thursday and Friday shows.
So that’s it! That’s the summary.
Between Thursday, Friday and today, I read you the whole damn thing.
Was that foolish? Well, too late. It’s done.
Want to know what it said, but you’ve been carrying something with both hands for several days? Now you’re covered!
David Waldman continues to parse, annotate, and comment on Jack Smith’s Special Counsel motion on Donald Trump, which unfortunately the corporate media disregarded and has already pretty much forgotten about. They say the devil is in the details, but so is this asshole, and it is the preponderance of these details that add up to Smith’s case.
Penitentiaries better brace themselves for the influx of demented sickos heading their way. The latest is Mesa County clerk Tina Peters, who vows to emerge untamed once she gets out in 9 years, as long as she has a nice mattress.
Dr. Tammy Towers Parry, maced and teargassed on Jan. 6, just like the Founding Fathers, opened fire with a shotgun at a process server, and was killed in a shootout, unlike the Founding Fathers. Meanwhile, Marjorie Taylor Greene, still alive and unconvicted, envisions a world where Jewish space lasers and weather making machines coexist above the clouds, evading angels and tormenting Appalachians.
It’s Rosh Hashanah!
I’m supposed to be off!
And another major news event has once again highlighted my habit of picking the very worst timing possible!
There was only one thing to do: sit right down and read the extraordinary narrative laid out in Special Counsel Jack Smith’s motion in opposition to Trump’s claims of presidential immunity in the January 6th case.
Well, two things to do: the second one being to hit the record button.
So that’s what I did. Two hours of cramming in as much of the motion as I could, so that you could work, putter around the house, or whatever it is you do, and still go word-for-word through the first 60 pages or so of this stem-winder!
There’s still more, of course. And there’s still Friday!
But then, another troublesome thought occurred to me: how could I ask Scott Anderson to summarize the show, when only one thing happened, and only one source was used?
And this post is the only answer I could come up with. Maybe he’ll have a better idea if we do it again tomorrow.
It’s post-debate Wednesday! Kudos to the campaigns for agreeing to a date that allows us to depend on Greg Dworkin pulling debate duty and calling in the next morning! First on the list: an “undecided voter” panel in MI reacts to Vance ducking the January 6th question. Over in PA, they defied the punditry and declared Walz the winner. And the normies have spoken! They just seem to react better to Walz. Which of course, must mean the weirdos do not.
Meanwhile, in polling world, things are swinging Harris’ way, even in some of those swingy states.
Maybe that’s because Trump continues to speak, dismissing for a second time the injuries American troops suffered on his watch, and blaming… something on “people from the Congo,” just to add to the pile of previous outrages, like accusing Kamala Harris of murder.
Somehow, though, Trump’s a lot more cautious in court, and urges others to be, too!
And hey, remember Project 2025? If you thought its overwhelming unpopularity was slowing the “Heritage Foundation” down, it’s not! They’re proceeding with Schedule F, anyway, win or lose.
Speaking of that quote-unquote “think tank,” they’ve got a small gay porn hypocrisy scandal on their hands now, too. If, you know, that matters at all.
It’s Tuesday, October 1, and David Waldman counts up the days and down the hours, but right now at this moment there is some exciting stuff too!
RIP wishes this Monday go out to… NOT JIMMY CARTER! President Carter has at least one more heroic deed planned in only a couple of weeks, and he’s gone 100 years so far, so that can’t be too tough. But you know how famous people go in threes, so those three are officially Kris Kristofferson, Dikembe Mutombo and Pete Rose. Who would have bet on those three? Probably Pete.
Jimmy Carter reminds us of what patriotism is all about. Kamala Harris however is the only patriotic choice we have for president.
If you have Donald Trump in your dead pool, you lose again. Various randos, Iranian hitmen, his own children have all failed. The greatest deterrent to harming Trump is now JD Vance. Who knows what someone could do for 10 million dollars, though. Senate Democrats are looking into why no one wanted you to find out.
Rudy Giuliani’s daughter believes that her dad’s relationship with Donald Trump destroyed his life. Donald definitely helped.
Donald is in North Carolina to throw paper towels and ruin lives… and he’s all out of paper towels. Ron DeSantis is helping rescue flood victims, but if he finds you aren’t from Florida, back in you go. Matt Gaetz is all for helping, if it doesn’t cost money and your mom is ok with it.
It’s Monday. And the last day of September. No better time to have Greg Dworkin drop by to sum up happenings. If it was a relatively quiet weekend for you, perhaps that was because you weren’t getting any phone calls from Western North Carolina, and other storm and flood-stricken areas of the country, where there was no power, no cell service, and no clean water. And consequently, still no clear picture of exactly how bad it is.
On the upside, there was the opportunity to remind people that: 1) yes, there are large numbers of climate change-believing, tolerant and inclusive Democrats in the area, and; that real Americans help.
The political world went kind of topsy-turvy over the weekend, too, with this Harris ad featuring ex-Trump voters renouncing the orange guy. Which of course, leads to death threats. On the other hand, some people know full well how wrong and bad Trump is, but can’t quite bring themselves to the right conclusion. Even though Trump spent the weekend promising that The Purge would become a part of his platform. Other (sadly) influential voices were being similarly dumb, if not similarly scary.
On the domestic policy front, Harris policy proposals are winners over Trump’s. But sometimes, scary lies win out over hopeful truth.
Is it funny that TikTok users are reportedly using AI to translate Hitler speeches? Well, it can be.
What won’t be funny is how many more nails this badly unbalanced Supreme Court could put in our coffin, starting next week. Held up next to this weekend’s reminder of the real world stakes, just for transgender Americans alone, it’s appropriately worrisome.
Trump’s got a new rip-off up and running, this one more naked than most.
By the way, just as a reminder: Joe Biden actually knew what he was doing, had international allies, and could make amazing things happen, internationally and with dozens of moving parts.
Listen up! David Waldman has a few more things to say before the weekend.
Maggie Smith died during the night, on Friday, at 89. Smith seemed like someone who could explain the syntax of that, and she definitely was a great actress.
Eric Adams is no Donald Trump, or Clarence Thomas, but it’s probably too late for him to turn Republican now, so he’s probably in trouble. Eric played “Guess which hand my phone’s in.” with the FBI, while a staff member erased the “Crimes” folder from her phone.
North Carolina removed 747,000 from voter rolls because they didn’t want them voting, although they say it’s because the voters really didn’t want to vote.
Republicans have quit trying to impeach Joe Biden as it just isn’t fun anymore.
Jared Kushner has been nice and comfy in Saudi pockets for the last few years. What’s the difference between a bribe and an investment, anyhow?
Everyone knows that JD Vance used to hate Donald Trump; we know that he still does. There is one thing that JD loves, though, and that’s the sound of babies dropping. It would happen a lot more often too, if it wasn’t for big government baby seat regulations.
Hey, they passed the CR! And you’ll never guess you’ve already guessed how: in exactly the same way that last year cost Kevin McCarthy his job. So, that’s news.
Oh, and in addition to asking Mike Johnson about that, reporters have also been asking him whether he’ll commit to “regular order” when it comes time to tally the Electoral College votes in January. (Not that it’ll necessarily be his decision, mind you.) But guess what? He’s hedging! Because he’s a Republican. So that’s news, too.
And that’s when Greg Dworkin came in, to remind me that there was other news, too. Namely, that the Mayor of New York City (New York City?!) had been indicted. Oh, yeah! (In the “I forgot!” sense, not the celebratory, “Hey, Kool-Aid!™” sense.) So of course, this sets off a tidal wave of calls for him to resign. Greg was at the ready with the answer to the obvious question, “What if he doesn’t?”
Well, of course there’s an answer. Because of course New York City has run into this before.
And then… there were polls. For whatever they’re worth.
National polling averages? Of course! National polling no more than a week old? Naturally! State polls by Marist? OK, fine. YouGov/Economist? Sure, if you want it. Monmouth in PA? Say no more! Texas? If you insist. Virginia? So you can see if the vest guy is really still a thing? My pleasure. Just Jews? Uh… ok. But watch it, buddy! Swing states? Well, isn’t it enough to just tell you that it’s close in all of them? (That’s why they’re swing states.)
Polling poetry, you say? That’s not even a… oh, wait! Hold on!
Today in Republican Racism: Clay Higgins. He’s no Professor Henry Higgins, that’s for sure. By the way, he’s kind of always been like this.
Today in voting: Uh… people are voting. I guess? Not really sure what to make of this one.
Today in furniture: Uh… many people are saying… something about furniture, allegedly? Trump also says people want to kill him. I think he’s probably right about that, which is a new concept.
So… we may or may not have “regular order” in counting the Electoral College vote. We can improve the chances of that happening by electing a Democratic majority in the House. But we’ll also need some plans for governing around any obstructionist Republicans who manage to hang around.
It’s a day that ends in a “y,” so it’s time for a Republican sex pest story! Also, again, these are Republicans we’re talking about. So it’ll never be just one.
First up: Johnny McEntee! Whether he’s stuck reliving his college glory days, or whatever it is, McEntee seems intent on leveraging it for his sex pestery. When he’s not compulsively gambling or passing counterfeit notes, that is.
Next: Rep. Anthony D'Esposito, who at least had the courtesy to engage in a truly conservative sex scandal, putting both his fiancée's daughter and his mistress on his official House payroll. That’s old school! Maybe that’s why even George Santos finds this one so embarrassing for the Gop. (Of course, the other reason could be that D’Esposito led the charge to expel Santos as a “stain on the institution.”)
Kamala Harris has now endorsed a carve-out from filibuster “rules” to pass legislation codifying Roe, and Schumer’s on board. But not Manchin. On the other hand, Manchin’s not actually on board the Senate train, anymore.
Oh, is that a policy position? I was told that people don’t know what her policy positions are, so they “can’t” vote for her, or something. But that’s not stopping these folks, parading for Harris/Walz in their “golf cars” through The Villages, once considered territory too hostile for such displays.
As usual, Greg Dworkin delivered a thorough round-up of the latest polling, leading off with the Harvard Youth Poll from the Harvard Kennedy School Harvard Institute of Politics Harvard Harvard-y Harvard. Also, Harvard. Anyway, the kids are alright, even if Harvard isn’t. Into the “cross-tabs?” Plenty of data available on Latino and Asian-American voters, too.
“Dems have to win the popular vote by 4% in order to win the Electoral College” may be the new “everything in the Senate requires 60 votes!”
In the “confirming our priors” department, the UK’s Foreign Secretary is on board with describing Russia as a mob-ocracy.
And if you’re old enough to remember when floating impeachment for the use of torture, indefinite detention and/or warrantless domestic surveillance was really just “partisan tit-for-tat,” then you’ll be annoyed and/or amused to find that “partisan tit-for-tat” IOKIYAR.
Among the social media chart-toppers this morning: Because Every Republican Accusation is a Confession™, today begins with another Republican pet killer, this time it’s Kevin Roberts of Project 2025 infamy. And for extra hypocrisy, you can’t beat the refusal to report on the substance of yet another round of hacked Trump campaign documents.
Oh, and speaking of Project 2025, isn’t it wild how much traction a campaign white paper is able to get, all of a sudden? Credit for that goes, among various reports, to Taraji Henson, John Oliver and in part, to Don Moynihan.
And speaking (as we were) of hypocrisies, in Breaking Hypocrisy news: RFK Jr. is simultaneously suing to get both on and off of the ballot, depending (I guess) on which helps Trump more. And when it comes to lawsuits like this, it’s weirdos all the way down.
Hey, remember a couple of days ago when another guy tried to shoot Trump? Well, there’s something extra weird about that, too. He might be… something other than just a lone kook.
Oh, and by the way, this show is sometimes about Congressional procedure. And sometimes the House Republicans actually try to proceed with things, upon which we then make comment. Turns out that Speaker Johnson’s “Plan B” in the Rules Committee was just a time waster, so as not to go directly to Plan C — i.e., the one for which Republicans ousted Kevin McCarthy.
Today is the first day since yesterday that there was no excuse to say the words, “Nude Africa.” But that’s only because the Mark Robinson sex scandal of the day was about a place called, “Lords of Porn.”
Meanwhile, back in the real world, Jack Smith is getting set to file a kind of tell-all brief, in support of the superseding indictment in the January 6th case. And he needs 180 pages to do it, because it’s likely so chock-full of damning evidence that demonstrates the non-official nature of Trump’s crimes. Trump, of course, is set to demand that SCOTUS save him at the last minute, again. No, they’re not in session. And no, there’s no basis for it whatsoever. In fact, SCOTUS ordered that exactly this be done. But Trump needs saving, so logic may have nothing to do with it.
David Waldman and Greg Dworkin know that talking about a sex scandal is a good way to get our love button tapped, so sidle over here and let’s tell you about the latest: Tennessee Republican Mark Green celebrated 30 years of marriage with his girlfriend who was around 2 years old on his first anniversary. Sure, Green is running for reelection, but that won’t be his voter’s biggest cognitive hurdle. Look at that other Mark, Mark Robinson in North Carolina… Ok, you might want to avert your eyes… Robinson’s staff have just noticed that Mark is a creep and have determined that their standards are simply too high to remain in his employ. Donald Trump hasn’t yet noticed anything particularly weird about Robinson, Mark seems pretty normal to him. Jack, the “brains” of that “Burke and Hare” of American politics known as Jacob Wohl and Jack Burkman, has taken over as Robinson’s Campaign Manager… Shhh! don’t tell the Robinson campaign!
And yet… and yet, experts tell us that the election remains undecided and might remain so for weeks! In the meantime, we can look at polls. Kamala Harris continues to trend well in many categories in many polls. There might be a few polls and categories Trump leads a bit in, but why be overly concerned? It’s fun to know that he reads his bad polls too. Trends and vibes continue to work in Kamala’s direction, and who would expect any surprises this October?
It is now time to worry about Republican November surprises in the works. Georgia plans to kill voting, no matter how much money and time it takes. Instead of Georgia, this time Lindsay Graham leads his delegation to Nevada. Maine might not be able to save us this time.
It’s Sex Scandal Friday on today’s KITM! David Waldman usually eschews the topic, but instead today will take several for the team… Hey, it’s the weekend!
First up: Self-avowed “perv”, self-avowed “Black Nazi”, aspirational slave owner and executioner, North Carolina Lt. Gov. Mark Robinson. Mark just might encounter public relations problems due to things that he said and did. In turn, Robinson’s sexual peccadillos and moral hypocrisies could reflect badly upon the lofty character of his advocate, Donald Trump.
Second in line: New York magazine writer Olivia Nuzzi, whose much more fragile reputation might have been shattered after falling for the charms of bear-breathed RFK Jr.
Who’s after Bob? ...Don? How about Don Jr.? Nope, they’re still a little shy. How about Ashley Madison devotee, anti-everything else Chris Rufo? Chris thinks his 8-year-old daughter might have actually been the one who signed up, but who is he to judge?
Then there’s former NYC Covid Czar Jay Varma who recently bragged about his drug/sex parties… at least Varma probably wore a mask.
Bringing up the rear is… EEEEK! Matt Gaetz! Wow, that’ll sober you up real quick... All of the drugs, plus minors of course, are involved. The only more horrific attendee at an orgy could possibly be Stephen Miller.
How will conservatives deal with all this? That’s easy. They won’t.
Arrr! David Waldman and Greg Dworkin says heave to, ye lubbers before they keelhaul the lot of you! Oh... We aren’t doing this today? Okay.
Experts agree, one person will be elected soon, and soon, pollsters will be explaining to all exactly how they were actually right… post-election. (Nates… jeez.) Until then, Kamala Harris seems to be ahead, in many places and in many polls. Not by a lot, but how much does she need? They say it’s tight, so doesn’t that also mean that it might be a landslide?
There is good news economically. Gas is cheap. Oil is cheap enough to stockpile. The Fed cut its interest rate, which has got to be good or bad news for Harris, maybe? The Teamsters would have endorsed Kamala, but she has turned out to be more black and female than they had expected.
nyhow, that’s a lot of good news, and who doesn’t like good news? Oh, right, I remember, Donald Trump and JD Vance. JD has done his research and will take the racial hatred in his heart over facts and decency any day of the week. At least Miss Sassy is safe, for now.
Russians like bad news so much that they are manufacturing their own and shipping it into the US daily. Iranian hackers stole Trump info but couldn’t interest Biden in any of it.
The day is finally here! Wednesday, the day David Waldman welcomes Greg Dworkin and his Raft O’ Stories™! Greg did leave early to wrestle the bear in his back yard, but now there’s less than a day to count before Greg’s next return, so all is well.
All seems pretty good with the Kamala Harris campaign. Experts agree, the race is close, but Kamala is in the lead, which is generally considered the better place to be.
The other good news is that hard working, tax paying Haitian immigrants are helping make Ohio’s “City of Roses”, Springfield, great again. The bad news is that Haitians are this election’s migrant caravan, and Springfield is this year’s Charlottesville. Long before he forgot where Haitians came from, JD Vance understood the idiocy and cruelty of villainizing them. Then he started working for idiot villain Donald Trump and has since changed his tune.
Trump wishes that commie fascist child trafficking murderers would be a little nicer to him before he hunts them all down, for the sake of democracy.
Today, David Waldman presents the KITM Donald Trump Pre-Sentencing Day Special, which isn’t inaccurate, they’re all pre-sentencing days from here to who knows when.
And it’s been one day since the last failed assassination attempt… Is “assassination attempt” the correct phrase? Is “failed”? After all, no one’s rooting for it to happen, right?
Rich Lowry would also like to clarify that he did not say the “n-word” on TV the other night, he just said some of the “n-word”.
The Gop would like to redefine “failure”. Unfortunately for them, Mike Johnson is in charge of defining failure for the Gop.
People weren’t sure if cryptocurrency was all a big scam, but that was before Donald Trump became involved.
Meta/Facebook bans Russian state media... Kind of late, though.
Why does Taylor Swift use jets to go everywhere when Elon Musk could just give her… no Elon shouldn’t give Taylor anything.
Iran uses criminal gangs such as the Hell’s Angels to do their dirty work, and they probably use Telegram to place contracts. Of course, they are not the first ones to come up with this idea.
David Waldman and Greg Dworkin bring us the latest in news and punditry. Unfortunately, we begin our week under the cloud of another mass shooting… no wait, rehearsals went long, so that’s tomorrow’s news. Today, it’s another assassination attempt, and the only actual shooting was from Secret Service agents, and they missed, therefore the presently un-Jack-Rubied suspect still has the opportunity to explain himself, write in a vote for Vivek-Nikki, share some gun barrel bacon recipes and wait for Donald Trump’s pardon, while Republicans begin the search for something they don’t quite admire about him.
Who knows, the guy could be a Taylor Swift fan.
This is great news for Donald Trump. Not even an ear boo-boo this time, and the story does the job of taking people’s mind off the debate… at least Marjorie Taylor Greene’s “mind”… Or was that misdirection actually the job of JD Vance’s blood libel which is now trashing a city of his constituents? On Sunday, JD had to explain that it had become necessary to destroy Springfield in order to save it.
Nationwide, Nates have surged to a high of 97% idiocy as we enter this stretch of the campaign, yet all experts still agree that it remains a tight race... albeit one that Kamala Harris leads in. In fact, in Iowa, Kamala is losing by quite a lot less! Voters everywhere believe that Harris has a good handle on the economy, as long as the economy continues to be good, but especially when the gas prices are low. George W. Bush isn’t saying that he’d support Harris, but Ronald Reagan would if he could. Martin Van Buren remains characteristically unforthcoming, however.
Donald Trump golfs — by far the best strategy he has for winning the election — as if he hasn’t got a care in the world, which he probably doesn’t.
Iran is hiring criminal gangs, including Hells Angels, to hunt down regime critics anywhere in the world, including here. An Ohio sheriff wants the addresses of people with Harris yard signs, so that he knows who to target if she wins. Meanwhile, Tenet Media packed up its $10 Million in Russian cash and bugged out.
We’re already off to an unlucky start this Friday the 13th! Social media is exploding with speculation over whether Laura Loomer is steaming Donald Trump’s pants, so to speak. Murdery Traitor Greene, freshly targeted by a face-eating leopard, isn’t sure what Loomer is doing, but knows she doesn’t like it. But all you have to do is decide how much popcorn you want.
We doubled back for a more detailed look at RFK Jr.’s cynical play in North Carolina. Sounds like it’s all the excuse Gop election board officials will need to claim grounds to refuse to certify election results there.
JD Vance and Donald Trump are destroying Springfield, OH for what we can only guess is what they think is their political advantage. But it’s far from clear that local parents are glad their children’s schools are being swatted. Trump’s sure it’s all true, though, because he saw it on television. Which he did not. And the one local parent we’re actually hearing from would like politicians to stop exploiting his son’s death, thank you very much.
Speaking of racist lies, here’s the background on another one that Trump told during the debate. No, no Venezuelan gang has taken over an apartment complex in Aurora, CO. But a local landlord facing a mounting pile of health and safety code violations—and a local Gop pol—wants you to think they have.
With that one also debunked… have another lie! This time, to “explain” why Harris performed well, even it it doesn’t excuse why Trump sucked.
And finally, here’s one you’ll have to finish yourself over the weekend. Maybe you’re not quite convinced that Trump returning to power will actually result in the flashy shows of political violence and/or authoritarian dominance he promises. But there are ways his lackeys plan to use the federal bureaucracy to make life a living hell for political opponents, like denying government benefits, services or assistance to… anyone they just don’t like.
David Waldman and Greg Dworkin present their post post debate analysis and yes, they will be endorsing Kamala Harris for president! They aren’t the only ones.
Liz Cheney, and her father — DICK! are favoring Harris, along with former AG and White House Counsel, Alberto Gonzales — DICK! On the other hand, Kamala has support from Taylor Swift and Linda Ronstadt (No word yet on the coveted Rex Smith vote) There’s also a Ben & Jerry's ice cream flavor. Yep, looks like Kamala might have this popular vote thing locked up.
Meanwhile, Haitians stealing ducks is the new Blacks stealing chickens, a trope that hasn’t really evolved much over the last couple of hundred years, has it? And why should it? Plenty of potential voters yearn for that good old-fashioned anti-American bigoted conspiratorial propaganda. It isn’t that Donald Trump no longer knows how to talk to anyone outside his base… it is that he doesn’t need to. Trump wasn’t joking, he just wants to find those 11,780 votes. Why waste his time and hundreds of millions of dollars trying to influence tens of millions of TikTok zombies, when only a few million bucks of rural doorknockers can move a few thousand nonvoters into an electoral victory? Stephen Miller makes a lot more sense now (relatively speaking), as well as Laura Loomer, who rightfully horrifies Marjorie Taylor Greene as Marge is guaranteed to be the first up against the wall once the new regime commences.
And yet we few remaining TV watchers pray that the fact-checkers and undecided voter panels get the job done... C’mon Swifties!
David Waldman and Greg Dworkin had concepts of a plan going into today’s KITM, and as usual it turned out really well for them.
Today, we must remember September 11th, even those of us who don’t remember September 11. The presidential candidates head out to memorial services, and at least one will be talking about the events of that day. Donald Trump kind of lost the plot 23 years ago, so there is the chance he might weave in a few extraneous topics.
Hey, that debate! An MMA cage match might have been about as relevant and a lot quicker, but in the end the results were the same: Down! Goes! Trump!
It turns out that Kamala Harris is good at this stuff, so let’s just bring it on!
Hold up... Trump says he won the debate, by a lot, and or it was rigged, “Sir, you were so strongly”, many say, but most don’t know that… the late, great, Hannibal Lecter...
Remember, whatever Donald Trump doesn’t know, undecided voters know far less, or of course they would not remain undecided voters… maybe. They could be worse — an RFK Jr. voter.
David Waldman presents today’s KITM Pre Post Debate Special.
James Earl Jones, esteemed for a massive range of iconic roles, and many say a good voice over artist, has died at 93.
Sadly, Mr. Jones will miss tonight’s presidential debate, foretold as the most momentous and consequential event anyone will ever see in any lifetime, according to the people making money from it. Conversely, no one really has a thing to gain from watching the debate, except for the people paid to talk about it tomorrow. Nevertheless, Donald Trump and Kamala Harris are relatively tied in the polls and thus will be assessed equally in tonight's debate. Therefore, Trump should expect to be judged by how provocative his trolling is, and Harris by her response coherence, literal accuracy, command of policy minutiae, vocal timbre, makeup and hair style, outfit choices, but most importantly, remaining appropriately feminine during her rebuttals.
Will Donald’s target audience care what he says, especially once the press reinterprets it for everyone later? Or will Kamala be excoriated for beating up on an old man? On the other hand, Trump could just deny the debate ever happened.
Trump better win... and keep winning... or he promises problems like we've never had.
Migrant caravans aren’t doing the job anymore, so now Venezuelans need to seize Aurora. Also, Haitians eat… ducks… when there’s perfectly good bears and dogs to go around. JD Vance can eat a whole bag of ducks for sticking to his racism because his racist MAGA voters want him to.
Spotted as Russian operatives, Tenet media is out the window before their door can be knocked down.
David Waldman has been counting the days until Greg Dworkin returns, as that is a much more predictable and a lot more rewarding than waiting for justice to come to Donald Trump.
88% of all Nates are 100% wrong about the election, but which wrong are they? 2016 wrong? 2020 wrong? Time will tell! It depends on who you ask. Black Americans? Jewish Americans? Veterans? Liz Cheney is voting for Kamala, and so is Dick Cheney… DICK!
Like pollsters, Corporate Media also needs to make their house payments, therefore they’re selling tickets to their “debate” that will decide the election for all of us, somehow. Except for those of us who don’t want a woman president, of course.
If we can get past them, then good luck voting! Gops are using "great replacement fears" to shut out voters. The Heritage Foundation’s own “deportation scientist” discovered that lying about voter fraud works best with the gullible and those willing to accept lies. Donald Trump, as usual, was way ahead of the scientists on this. Trump understands that once elected he will need every dimwit violent bigot on his side, if he hopes to round up all the rest. Other fascistic savants includeTexas Attorney General Ken Paxton, raiding Latino Democrats' homes and Florida Governor Ron DeSantis, having police visit people who signed abortion rights petitions.
Meanwhile, James O'Keefe is working his way down the ladder in his political stings. Waffle House night managers should watch what they say to that guy with the price tag on his trucker cap stirring his coffee with a dildo. James and Donald know when it comes to billable hours it’s always Russia, Russia, Russia!
David Waldman counts down the days until… until the election, I guess.
Liberal Thinking (‘m not sure what his friends call him, but I suspect there are some who call him “Lib”) tells us about the factors in Donald Trump’s “sentencing”.
Remember that debate that Donald Trump thought he was going to at Fox on September 4? Donald didn’t find that debate, and the people who tuned in didn’t find a town hall either. The New York Times thought that they attended a discussion on economics, and for some reason decided to pretend that they had, even though all reality indicated otherwise.
Donald continues to battle reality at Arlington Cemetary. It turns out that breaking the rules breaks the rules, and not breaking the rules doesn’t break the rules.
The father of the Georgia school shooting suspect has also been arrested and charged. You know who would have preferred more stringent gun regulation? The Founding Fathers.
Ace KITM Correspondent Rosalyn MacGregor tells us of the Michigan sheriff under investigation by the Bureau of Elections for using his department to host a Donald Trump campaign stop. Residents later attempted to scrub away the stain of White Supremist bigotry but will have a tougher time getting rid of that Donald Trump stench.
Yes, Bethany Mandel is an obnoxious pest, but NE Ohioans know well her abrasive gadfly brother-in-law, Josh Mandel. Hell holds no surprises for anyone who attends one of their holiday meals. And yet, Josh wasn’t Sofa King weird enough to beat JD Vance into the Ohio Senate, and Donald Trump’s big fat… heart.
Accelerationists like to pour gasoline on everything, figuratively and literally. They use the Telegram app to make plans with like-minded people.
Today, David Waldman and Greg Dworkin address the fundamental question consuming the attention of every true American this morning: Why doesn’t KITM make a LOT more money?
For the price of only 20,408 cups of coffee per episode, certain commentators and influencers at Tenet Media have had their days brightened, thanks to you… Well, not “you”, but “Vladimir Putin”. Of course, we KITM staff have way too much integrity and imposter syndrome to consider something like that, or any of my other suggestions... alas.
So, let’s pull up our lederhosen, wade through the schadenfreude, and look up some backpfeifengesicht out there, such as Tim Pool, Joshua Treviño, Ben Domenech, and Seth Mandel, but mostly Pat Toomey. Of course, one person’s “punchable face” is another’s “willing stooge”. With the Gop it is usually both. State Republicans have renominated 14 of their 84 fake electors and are finding ways to pay off the rest.
Meanwhile, Liz Cheney has endorsed Kamala Harris for president.
Burgermeister of backpfeifengesicht, Donald Trump is the world’s most willing stooge, and ready to sell anything, especially himself, anywhere at any time. Unfortunately for Donald, his weaving ain’t so tight anymore, and even MAGA is beginning to notice.
If you know what accelerationists are, you can understand why they Telegram.
By the way, today the nation is Under the Cloud of a Mass Shooting™.
You know what’s wrong with this world? Not enough shows with David Waldman and Greg Dworkin. This is their first KITM this month!
Hey look everybody, they’re having an election! Watch where you’re stepping, savvy reporters, it’s once again time to walk amongst the hoi polloi.
Now that we’re all paying attention, how about them polls? Kamala Harris is ahead! Wait, she’s behind! It’s so confusing! Oh no, don’t make us ask a Nate! Well, Harris is on the top end of most polls, which is a good place to be, no matter how you look at it.
Women are finally dropping Trump, as abortion rights finally becomes the last straw. Fun misogynist Donald Trump and his weird ward JD Vance hate talking about yucky women stuff, but that is just the topic Democrats want to discuss. The corporate press still wants to talk about Donald Trump. Kamala does not, and that’s driving the press and the Gops out of their minds.
Harris is outspending Trump in swing states, but if Donald ever thinks of anything that might work in an ad, he’ll be ready.
RFK Jr. finds that it’s hard to run for vice president when he’s still running for president.
One of the great things about the advent of the internet is that porn shop clerks no longer have to talk to lunatics like Mark Robinson every single day. The Girl Scouts still have to watch Mark’s greasy hands around their cookies, however.
Jacob Wohl and Jack Burkman are amazingly not in prison. But if you ask their coworkers or their employers, they’ve never heard of them.
Hey, it’s the day after Labor Day, and you know what that means! For one, it means that it’s Tuesday, which means that not only is David Waldman back live, but so is Joan McCarter! Also, it’s the day that millions across the nation awake in the morning, craw out of their burrows, see their shadows, and realize the need to figure out who they will vote for. Kamala Harris and Tim Walz have already risen to the challenge, while Donald Trump and JD Vance extended their weekend.
By the way, Snopes states that no one has yet verified that the specimen jars carried by Trump supporters contained “fake” JD Vance semen… I guess they need local couch cushions for a match? That awkwardly segues us into Trump’s promise to make government socialistically provide IVF treatments for gay couples and single cat ladies. Good for him! Although Donald might not have considered how his stance might affect IUI families, and the sensibilities of his Vice President, or even his previous Vice President. Meanwhile, the Harris-Walz team heads to Florida with a clearer stance.
September also is the beginning of Congress’s legislative sprint, although there really wasn’t anything keeping them from starting earlier. House Gops now have only a few weeks left to impeach Joe Biden.
If you had time set aside to head to Bedminster to attend the gala in honor of January 6th rioters, or have your photo taken giving a thumbs up standing on Donald Trump’s freshly dug grave, you will be disappointed as both events have been again postponed.
Public school teachers, already overworked and underpaid, are now expected to perform surprise sex change operations on their students.
Taking the day off -- again -- is the only sensible approach to Labor Day. Not that we've always done it. But we're doing it now, using this particular episode a second time, so that's what matters.
It also gives us a chance to reflect on the fact that we're now marking two years since Biden's "Battle for the Soul of the Nation" speech. And while it's gratifying to see a few people FO what happens when they FA, we're a long way from done.
Though one difference between this year and last: it has felt much more to me like that "Battle for the Soul of the Nation" was really happening.
Here's how it felt two years ago, at the outset:
David Waldman annotates our reading assignments for the weekend:
President Joe Biden appeared before our entire nation last night to address the Soul of our Nation. Well, most of our nation. If all you have are rabbit ears on your TV you might have missed out. Joe believes in the goodness of Americans, including most Republicans. Biden did single out that deplorable sub-group of “MAGA Republicans”, pro-insurrection, anti-democratic, anti-American and a danger to everyone. Republicans respond angrily. MAGA Republicans respond angrily-er. Give the corporate media a minute to figure out what the real offenses might be.
Much of this started with Newt Gingrich.
Michigan reveals anti-democracy in action when the largest number of signatures submitted for a ballot initiative in state history were rejected by the two Republicans on the election board.
The DOJ filed a detailed property inventory on the items seized at Mar-a-lago. Donald Trump never trusted anyone else with classified documents and had to take care of unloading them all himself. He was almost finished when the present President of the United States decided he had executive privilege over his remaining stock.
Normies are all still talking about Arlington. Good! The journalists, of course, are anxious to move on to the burgeoning scandal of Kamala Harris sitting down for an interview with CNN. Clearly there’s something wrong with this! At a minimum, they’d have to make sure Trump retains an advantage in his grading curve.
Governor Moderate Vest’s flagship public university may be going the way of Meatball Ron.
Brad Raffensperger and Brian Kemp wouldn’t do Trump’s bidding last time around. But will nuisance lawsuits and new rules adopted by MAGA officials clear the way to change their minds, or harden their resolve? Amazingly, it might actually be the latter!
Don’t get the wrong idea, though! MAGA Gop loons in other “red” states are still intent on running wild. And Rosalyn MacGregor reports that things haven’t settled down crazy-wise in Michigan, either, where the weirdos are on a swatting tear.
And with just 19 days left before Trump’s still-scheduled sentencing in New York, Liberal Thinking has done some… liberal thinking about how that could and should go.
Today, David Waldman presents today’s KITM, and in a respected and well-established Thursday precedent, Greg Dworkin will join him for a portion of the discussion.
What a maroon! Illiterate egotistic traitorous dotard Donald Trump visited Arlington National Cemetery with the sole purpose of gaining attention. Mission Accomplished. Trump staff (featuring rehire Corey Lewandowski) are quite accustomed to treating dead soldiers as doormats, as well as the live ones, so how were they to know a simple felony photo-op “thumbs up” among Arlington's freshest graves would garner such negative vibes? Especially once the key witness was silenced.
Trump will say it’s Biden’s fault. Journalists will write down “Biden’s fault”, which will be fact-checked as “true”. Our tiny speck of shared reality is being fought over memes, and at the moment they are shooting themselves in the foot.
If anything gets shot, RFK Jr. will eat it.
Every moment of Donald Trump’s life has been a penny-ante flimflam, which you can now pay for in crypto.
Meanwhile, the Kamalamentum continues its rise. Jeremy Fryberger’s multipart KITM series describes how you can become involved locally, and why you should do so NOW. Today, Jeremy looks at the situation in Minnesota!
David Waldman and Greg Dworkin deliver the newest news on today’s KITM.
Reindicted! And it feeeels soo goooood! Jack Smith has charged Donald Trump in a superseding indictment following Judge Aileen Cannon’s phony baloney dismissal, but without setting off the Supreme Court’s phony baloney booby traps.
Meanwhile, Donald Trump shrinks into his tiny hands. Smaller, weaker, more irrelevant each day. Yappy little toy Donald can yet be pretty nippy, and worse is even more obsessed with marking his territory. It will be impossible to remove Trump’s stench from Arlington National Cemetery. Of course, reporting on Trump’s thugs just make them seem like a bigger menace, which is their goal.
A Georgia State Election Board member worked with MAGA to setup the denial of 2024 election Following Harris and Walz through Georgia, the media can finally move on from wondering when Kamala and Tim’s first interview will be to wondering when their second interview will be. Trump hasn’t quite agreed to all of Harris’ demands on their upcoming debate. (But he will.) Kamala just gets bigger and bigger.
RFK Jr. hates Donald Trump. MAGA/QAnon are happy with him though, especially those who can’t spell RFK Jr. anyway.
David Waldman is here! No one else showed up, so today let’s call it a “private session”.
We finally finish with Curtis Yarvin, the tech bro who could use a neckbeard to help show people where his face begins. Yarvin is a young idiot with money that knew a thing, and thus is expert in all things, and thus deserves all the money. In Curtis’ case, his brainy-evil scheme is to dispose with democracy and install a monarchy. Unfortunately for us, Yarvin is an influential young tech bro idiot.
Speaking of, is Nate Silver the Nate most full of crap? Is 450 pages enough for you?
Ben Affleck’s new friend, Kathleen “Kick” Kennedy, recounted for Town and Country the day her dad sawed off a whale head and got skull juice all over her family. Nothing weird about that.
The DNC had a surprise guest after all: Covid. Still beats Kid Rock.
What have you done today to help the Dems win? Don’t forget the local races!
Happy birthday! Welcome to the My Birthday KITM Special hosted by David Waldman and Greg Dworkin. David had a birthday yesterday and Greg had one a few years back but has since abstained. What’s important, as always, is what they brought me today:
It’s a close race! But… is it really? There’s a thin line between big wins for Harris and Trump, and since the fabulous Democratic National Convention, pundits are becoming less fearful of crossing the line over to Harris. Kamala’s a boon for Never Trumpers. many of whom will be quite amusing for a few more months before becoming pains in the ass again. We will soon forget, or want to forget, figures such as Gary Cohn calling Donald Trump “shit for brains” … See? You have forgotten Gary Cohn and already confuse him with Mets announcer Gary Cohen, who is totally different... I think.
We might get to forget screwballs like Curtis Yarvin, anti-democratic monarchist, and idol to Sofa King weird JD Vonce.
Hey, but we still have to win the election. Kamala and Tim are up for it, this week mining the purple and blue veins of red Georgia. They will persevere through, and expect us to persevere through, upcoming presidential and vice-presidential debates. They even expect the Republicans to show up! That’s a little much, considering Donald’s more of an evader than a debater. The Gops don’t even know who to send for the VP debate, after all, there’s plenty of fish in the sea. JD, eyeliner smeared, sobs into his couch cushions, or motorboats them, who can tell? Don’t worry, fact checkers will look into it.
David Waldman watched the DNC last night and might need some more time to recover from all his Democratic exuberance. Greg Dworkin though wasn’t even winded making 5 appearances in a row on KITM, (but it was nice for us.) Greg is back, demure and mindful as always, but with new purpose and joy following the blockbuster Democratic National Convention. Rhode Island didn’t bring the calamari this time, but Georgia brought Lil Jon, and maybe we didn’t get Beyoncé,but we sure got Oprah. Best of all, Gops got Donald Trump, and we got Kamala Harris. As the NYT would say, Kamala got some good reviews, some bad, and now it’s up to the voters, some with a clue, some without.
There’s now a chance that Trump might lose. That doesn’t mean he’s finished, unfortunately.
JD Clampett-Vonce might be Sofa King weird, but he knows what he likes, and he likes Curtis Yarvin, and Yarvin would love to see democracy die.
The company that sent fake Biden robocalls in New Hampshire has been fined $1million. The guy who orchestrated the calls is facing $6million in fines. The fork-bending straitjacket-escaping digital nomad artist who created the AI robocalls spent $1.
David Waldman is back with today’s KITM, which you’d expect, but when have you heard Greg Dworkin so many days in a row? Can the internet take so much amusement and erudition?
It’s morning in America. Who would have guessed that patriotism and joy would turn out to be such a popular combination? Ok, Oprah helped, but it couldn’t have happened without All-American Dad, Coach Tim Walz. It’s certainly not weird that Tim would have such an All-American family.
And you know what? I thought Bill was terrific. He’s no rising star hot shot like Hillary, but still…
All of this puts Kamala Harris right about where she wants to be heading into her acceptance speech tonight. At least it puts her where Republicans don’t want her to be, which is good for a start, and a good place to start picking up a few more points real soon.
You won’t find a more lunatic pillow mogul than Mike Lindell, but this week you can refuse to accept cheap imitations! Mike, cleverly disguised as Roger Stone, successfully infiltrated the DNC, only to be spotted by alert pre-teen influencer Knowa De Brasco, who kicked Lindell in the shins for a while before realizing that Mr. Pillow was filled with more crap than foam rubber. Mike tried to insanesplain to the young man with his usual Gish Gallop, but Knowa ran out of pity and walked away.
Meanwhile, uncommitted pro-Palestinian delegates signal that they would fully support the Harris ticket ,but so far have not signaled that they would behave themselves if they were allowed on stage.
Today, David Waldman and Greg Dworkin address the question pressing upon our national political zeitgeist: “Turn down for what?” Greg’s Raft O’ Stories looks more like a Mardi Gras float this morning, with all of the hopes and joys and enthusiasms in perfect array. Democrats understand the assignment which is, support the ticket, make America safe for snark… and have fun out there.
JD Clampett-Vonce figures all of those smiles must have been A.I.’d on. Hulk Hogan will slap them back off for you. Donald Trump is getting sick of slumming around with all of these basement dwellers, while MAGA… Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. They want all of this election nonsense to go away so they can just take over and move on to more interesting violations of national and international law.
USA! USA! USA! David Waldman welcomes special guest Joan McCarter and surprise special guest Greg Dworkin, for a patriotic Tuesday KITM.
This is what democracy looks like! Day 1 of the DNC, and the bench was so deep that they had to bump James Taylor from the lineup because of all of the sustained applause for the speakers and laughter at Donald Trump’s expense. Jamie Raskin looked great out there, making certain there wasn’t any January 6 amnesia. UAW’s Shawn Fain was best dressed, and pointed out that Trump doesn’t just look like a scab, he actually is one. Michigan State Senator Mallory McMorrow threw the book at Trump and the project to which he is a pet, Project 2025. U.S. men’s basketball team gold medal winning coach Steve Kerr put Donald to bed. Then there were the breakout stars like Raphael Warnock and Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez… You’ll be hearing a lot from those kids in the future!
Then, there was Hillary Clinton, swoon! Hillary gave us a clear example of what could have been while telling us what can be in her barn burning (Fact: No barns were actually “burnt”) … stem-winding (Fact: Few stems had been proven “wound”) ... speech free of the petty punditry that previously dogged (Fact: No dogs participated) ... her in the past. Well, at least the media can’t get away with that crap anymore.
And then... there was President Joe Biden! Joe got his speech out early to give Donald Trump time for his 2 AM posts.
If you didn’t see some or any of the above, don’t worry. It will all be clipped and memed for your future enjoyment. Eventually we will find out who's is bigger, a competition Donald Trump has never won once in his life.
79% of all Nates are 90% full of crap.
Trump will probably be forced to carry JD Vance to term, but that doesn’t mean he isn’t still contemplating a back-alley Youngkin at this late date. Of course, Trump could be putting off replacing Vance until after his overthrow of the United States.
How was your weekend? David Waldman dropped a kid off at college last year, but he found his way home, so David spent his weekend taking him back, while Greg Dworkin was forced to tie down his Raft O’ Stories before it floated away over the last few days of his local weather.
A flood of joy will lift the attendees of the Democratic National Convention, where Dems will happily array themselves this week. It’ll be fun, and factual!
Donald Trump floods Truth Social with A.I. BS., and enough racism to overflow into X.
Sofa King weird JD Vonce flooded MAGA specimen cups with… ewwww!
Let’s change the subject. How about that polling, huh? Is Washington's primary a harbinger of the election?
Meanwhile, House Gops dropped their impeachment report on Biden, quickly pivoting over to Tim Walz before anyone could accuse them of wisdom. Tim Walz irritates MAGA by being white, male, a veteran and a football coach while refusing to be weird, corrupt, or own stocks.
What does Team Trump plan to do in the face of all of these glad tidings? The same as they have always planned to do, destroy democracy. Trump has been moving to hijack the elections in Georgia now for years, by allowing locally planted election officials to stop the elections in their area, and thus the national election, based on a whim.
Ah, wasn’t this a nice week? David Waldman presents a nice KITM to end the week, hopefully leading to a nice weekend, a nice Monday, etc.
Donald Trump did say a whole lot of stupid things yesterday. Not accidentally, either. Trump and his campaign arranged for people to witness him being stupid right to their faces... Weird, huh? At this rate, Donald will have a low chance of becoming President, and zero chance of running the sample table at Costco. Trump achieved one milestone, however. It will be impossible to exaggerate, satirize, or even spoof Donald Trump’s statement in which he devalued the Medal of Honor on account it’s being bestowed upon people who are shot or dead. Shooting the US military in the middle of 5th Avenue might be a hard one for Donald Trump to top in the next 80 days. JD Vonce (pronounced shmih-GEH-gee) did go to the mattresses though with his statement that no Irish need apply to the Republican party.
Of course, Tim Walz is a LIAR about his taco fixings, so both sides. Actually, both sides of the double haters don’t hate Kamala Harris at all. And who doesn’t love a visit from Grandpa Joe?
Therefore, the Donald Trump campaign reinstitutes Plan B, which was always Plan A, tossing out democracy and just taking over. To do that, MAGA will require a lot of people across many government functions, to abuse democracy just right, at just the right times. A well-ordered, efficient, perfectly ordered, government machine…
Trump expects no less from the judicial system, complaining that all of those delays his lawyers finagled have now placed his sentencing at the worst possible time.
Elon Musk’s favorite judge has decided that he likes his Musk stock better than Musk.
Congratulations to the Florida Alligator, and its coverage of Ben Sasse’s corrupt stint at UF.
It is also about time that arrests were made in connection to Matthew Perry’s ketamine death.
Probably a coincidence, but right about when Donald Trump started getting his ass handed to him, things started to turn south for Russia... Slava Ukraini, and let’s hope, Heroiam slava!
Today, David Waldman unleashes the KITM upon the enemies of democracy and purveyors of the weird.
Meanwhile, Greg Dworkin unloaded his big Raft O’ Stories™, including a large consignment of polls, which may not be any more accurate, but sure are more pleasant than they used to be. Many people approve of President Joe Biden’s Vice-Presidential choice. Not uncoincidentally, many also approve of Kamala Harris’ Vice-Presidential choice. People do like Tim Walz even though Tim might be ruining the career hopes of both J.D. Vonce and Mike Lindell. (Forget those scurrilous innuendos, J.D. doesn’t hike up his skirt for just any sofa.)
Donald Trump rode the Epstein Express, again, the other day, to pay his respects at his first wife’s grave… fondly known as “the rough”.
Fresh off his spectacular Dunning–Kruger-palooza, Elon Musk now focuses his towering intellect toward Texas, home of his favorite federal judge, Reed O’Connor. Reed loves Elon, or at least his stock… that is, Tesla stock, which any honest judge would never confuse with Elon Musk…
Let’s say so long to Tina Peters, former Mesa County clerk, present convicted felon, and future Arizona prison inmate. Tina was quite outspoken following her conviction, which would not garner approval from Minnesota Senatorial candidate Royce White, foe to local water fountains.
Thank you and congratulations to David Waldman and Justice Putnam with Netroots Radio, for their uninterrupted years of streaming with 0 days of massive DDOS attacks.
Donald Trump and Elon Musk could not have possibly imagined their interview working any differently to how it did... X has more bugs than a bayou, while decompensating weirdo Trump hasn’t had any new to say for months. Combining the two ended up creating a Dunning-Kruger singularity which swallowed up their colossal egos for almost an hour.
Tragically, both escaped. As usual Elon’s billions cushioned the blow for him, but for racist daffy duck Donald, it could be the beginning of the end… even maybe finally the end of the end. Whichever it is, don’t look toPolitico, The New York Times or The Washington Post to tell you. They know but aren’t saying. After all, they’ve heard that Trump is suing the Department of Justice for $100 million claiming political persecution for the 2022 Mar-a-Lago raid, which is stupid, unless he’s elected, and then everything will be stupid.
One-fifth of University of Florida professors were pushed out before tenure, saving the university untold millions of dollars, which coincidentally was just the amount UF president Ben Sasse wrote on his checks to Gop allies.
Joan McCarter is back, and sunnier than ever. Kamala Harris keeps making more sense to sensible voters, while Gops and Magas keep discovering new ways to ruin their own lives. Of course, it helps that the real troublemakers are out on vacation.
This morning, David Waldman took his mind off the end of the 2024 Olympics the only way he knew how, by abseiling through the KITM World Headquarters atrium skylight onto Greg Dworkin’s speeding Raft O’ Stories™ for his Monday show.
Donald Trump would say that was “A.I.’d”, or faked or rigged or something, because he’s weird that way. Trump will definitely remember it all that way, as all the old guy’s memories are only wishes that he made to fill in his many holes of shame and regret. Was Donald’s helicopter story designed to smear Kamala Harris, or just a fantasy holding his few neurons together? It could be both, as Trump has long been weird and vicious, well before he was old and decrepit. Unfortunately, it’s the US who has the memory problems on that.
Many MAGA weirdos are looking to the comfort of self-delusion, but what seemed a bottomless well has begun to run dry. Some will keep trying to trash Tim Walz’s character, which will work about as well as taking on Kamala Harris on Abortion. Fox News tries embracing reality as do conservatives attempting to rescue conservatism. Yet, J.D. Vance remains Sofa King (And, sometimes Sofa Queen) weird.
It’s not weird that Donald isn’t landing at airports that might repo his airplane… the guy’s lousy with money after all.
But the Secret Service… They’re weird. Really weird.
It’s Friday, so David Waldman brings us the up-to-date and up-to-the-weekend news.
Two of the national pastimes of Russia, playing chess and poisoning each other, clashed at a regional chess tournament. Apparently, there were no open windows nearby.
Donald Trump… remember him? Yesterday, he held a MAJOR press conference to set the record straight on his crowd sizes. Bigger than Kamala’s! Bigger than Martin Luther King’s! Same real estate, same everything! Nobody's spoken to crowds bigger than Trump!
Then grandpa dotard reminisced about the time that he and some Brown guy almost crashed their helicopter. Fact-checkers found discrepancies in Trump's story… for instance, it didn’t happen. Second of all, Trump was lying. Third, who would ever expect the truth from Donald Trump at this late date?
What will be the next surprise move from Donald Trump (That won’t be a surprise to anyone)? Jack Smith hopes to give Donald a few late surprises. It would be a nice surprise to see an insurrection charge.
Florida is learning that ideology is a bad replacement for competence. The DeSantis “Stop WOKE Act” violates people's constitutional rights... Who would have guessed that? And, a Florida school district demonstrated superb title-reading skills by banning the book “Ban This Book”.
It’s Thursday, and David Waldman and Greg Dworkin are back and not weird as ever!
Sofa King weird... J.D. Vonce (pronounced "shmuhk") and his beta buddies tried to impress Kamala Harris by pretending they were flying her plane when she was not looking. Donald Trump was going to let J.D. play the big weirdo for a few days but just couldn't stand it and had to get in front of cameras today to destroy his campaign personally.
I didn't watch it. Did anyone ask Donald about flying with the Project 2025 leader in 2022?
Kamala Harris and Tim Walz are unapologetically unweird. Tim Walz is your favorite high school teacher you sometimes wish was your dad. Kamala Harris is your other favorite after shutting down the troublemakers in the back of the classroom. Kamala's hecklers either want to impress Trump or their buddies. Either way, they are picking the wrong way to get what they want, whatever that is.
Voters are so relieved to have a normal ticket to vote for. Arizona, Georgia, and Nevada have moved from lean Republican to toss-up.
Meanwhile, Judge Tanya Chutkan has taken back the reins on Trump's Jan. 6 prosecution and is all about the giddy-up. Jenna Ellis is flipping in Arizona's fake elector's case, although she could flip a little more to take the "un" off of "Unindicted Co-Conspirator #1". Perhaps a few more flips will do the trick.
This is why the world can’t have nice things. A terrorist planned a suicide attack at a Taylor Swift concert in Vienna.
On today’s KITM, David Waldman and Greg Dworkin, who always raise the bar for journalistic and punditary analysis and commentary, add sports talk to the mix! They discuss the Paris Olympics, where the margin of victory can be measured by thousandths of a second or a few white blood cells.
Kamala Harris has chosen the running mate that you will love unless you’re some kind of weirdo, of course. Most of those are over there, but we still have a few. You are guaranteed that more people will be happy with the Democratic VP over J.D. Vance, who is just Sofa King weird.
Then there’s RFK Jr. weird. Find a dead baby bear, take selfies with the corpse, decide to eat it, but drive it to NYC to stage its death in an accident, weird.
That guy ain’t normal, but Bob’s not Trump MAGA weird. That requires an extra scoop of psychopathic treason and a sidecar of nihilistic greed.
Isn’t it nice that we have Kamala Harris? Swing states think so. Latinos agree. The hospitality workers union is right there with them.
Russian disinformation disguised as American news is fomenting riots in the UK as a rehearsal for the US post-election.
David Waldman brings us to the end of a Quite Weird?™ week. Don’t expect it to become more normal soon.
Why are conservatives mad today? It could be a lot of things. Boxer Imane Khelif might identify as a woman, be born female and such, but conservatives have always held Olympic competitors to a certain standard. They’re never mad about racism, but pretty angry about having it always pointed out.
There are few things that make Donald Trump angrier than missing a cut from a hostage deal that he had a chance to cash in on. Trump might have missed out on a huge score too, who knows how much he could have pocketed.
If Trump gets back into office he will make certain that he maintains a better mood.
Egyptian President Abdel Fatah El-Sisi might have boosted Donald’s spirit with 100,000 $100 bills. This was one of many things Bill Barr decided that you didn’t need to know about.
Steven KG Bannon’s previous “home” was previously “leased” from “landlord” Mustafa Elgindy, and there’s not enough scare quotes in the world for that guy.
Doubles combat juggling is yet to become an Olympic sport, therefore, David Waldman and Greg Dworkin remain here, available for today’s Thursday KITM.
Many today are divided on whether Donald Trump's NABJ Interview was a “train wreck,” “trainwreck” or “train-wreck.” It can be a combination, of course, like Kamala Harris’ racial heritage. What did Donald think he was doing? Well, he hasn’t really thought since the 80’s, which frankly has worked well for him until recently. Even Tommy Tuberville would have thought this one out more thoroughly.
What level of weird and stupid is Donald Trump? Is he at “Laura Loomer” weird and stupid, or “Tomi Lahren” stupid and weird? Again, why quibble about nuances? Trump is comparable to weirdbilly hillweirdo J.D. Sofa King Vance, who demands women forego a career to be tradwives, unless the woman is Simone Biles, then shame on her for catching her breath. Trump is very, very old and way past Vance’s useful idiot “use by” date, though J.D.’s shelf life might be measured in Scaramuccis.
It looks as if Vladimir Putin has been following the shift in the Trump ticket and decided not to get on the bad side of our future Commander-in-Chief.
In great news, Tim Walz is great, and Josh Shapiro is also great, following a slight arrayment of a few Democrats.
Today, David Waldman and Greg Dworkin go far beyond the schemas, unless there’s somebody really weird that they want to talk about.
News of the Weird: Weirdo welfare king, Sofa King weird J.D. Vance feels that Simone Biles is too weak for a gold medal. Jesse Watters feels that voting for women turns men female. Donald Trump feels that anyone could take one look at Kamala Harris and know that she is not him. The Weird Right do prefer Christian ham sandwiches yet are unable to explain why Gop hotdogs are cocktail-sized. Doug Emhoff is not Jewish enough for Donald Trump, and Kamala is not Black enough.
Kamala wonders if Donald is man enough to say any of that to her face. VP Harris is trending upward in swing states. She’s trending upward all over the place. Never-Trumpers might become Okay-Sure-Why-Not-Harrisers. Kamala isn’t saying who her running mate choice is, but she will be saying it in Philadelphia… Pennsylvania.
Weird, isn’t it, that Peter Thiel would be behind the too-online choice of weirdbilly J.D.? It’s weird how Chief Justice John Roberts has become more MAGA as his SCOTUS has become more MAGA.
Kari Lake may be the only joke that ever made Donald Trump laugh. Project 2025 is pretty dark, but it's the one Trump joke that keeps on giving.
The Trump rally gunman stopped firing after a local officer shot at him. (He stopped giving interviews after the Secret Service shot at him.)
Security footage of Kenneth Chesebro and other Trump henchmen repeatedly attempting to overthrow democracy will be useful once we get back around to trying all of them and putting them in jail.
Once again, a throwback to the days of the 2020 Democratic National Convention. You had to hear about the Republican one last week. This week, while I’m taking in the scenery out west, we can talk about that last time the Dems did their thing.
David Waldman and Greg Dworkin welcome you to the climatic final day of the 2020 Democratic National Convention, brought to you by Donald Trump. If the world didn’t have so much to fix, the convention wouldn’t have been half as good.
Kamala Harris already changed the world for the better last night. And! Last night, The President of the United States returned to address the nation! Makes one feel good to be an American. Of course, the more things change, the more they remain the same. Some whinef or more, while some are out there making it happen.
Bill O’Reilly worries Biden-Harris might turn their back on him. No one has turned their back on O’Reilly in years. We’ll see how the Gop convention turns out for him. (Not brought to you by Goodyear)
Crusted phlegm Steve KG Bannon was arrested and indicted, charged with fraud and money laundering, after illegally shaking down wall-loving rubes. Steve might be wearing his overlapping half dozen popped-collar orange jumpsuits for the next 20 years. Joining him are a rogue’s gallery of villainy, including Kris Kobach, Erik Prince, Tom Tancredo, Sheriff David Clarke and former pitcher Curt Schilling, along with anyone else in the swamp that heard “wall” and “money”. Donald Trump hasn’t heard of any of those guys.
It has been revealed that the Senate Intelligence Committee made criminal referrals of Donald Trump Jr., Jared Kushner, SteveBannon, Erik Prince and Sam Clovis to federal prosecutors in 2019.
Trump’s attempt to dodge a subpoena for his tax records was nixed by a federal judge.
The election will not go smoothly, and Trump will cause trouble. How much trouble will we allow him to cause? Louis DeJoy promised a couple things, but isn’t about to repair the damage he already created. Also, he was lying about stopping. Laura Loomer is a loon, but Qanon is nuts, and now they’re coming to DC. What’s the problem with electing representatives of terrorist groups to the other side of the metal detectors? Then there’s Russia. Russiagate was not a hoax. Russia could turn out to be a little too real.
Also, there is a COVID-19 pandemic. People keep tossing it out there, and people keep catching it.
David Waldman is still on vacay this week, from last Friday through this Friday… Hey listen, when David gets back… no one tell him about Joe and Kamala! It’ll be a hoot!
Justice Roberts subverted the Separation of Powers and created a dangerous precedent, and a dangerously unaccountable President… but he probably never thought it might also empower a responsible one so quickly. Judge Aileen Cannon released 93 pages of myopia to pave the way for her and Donald Trump’s escape from the Mar-a-Lago stolen documents case. How was Aileen to know that special prosecutors were “a thing”? Now everyone pestered by a special counsel has been gifted a giant fly-swatter.
A lie can travel half the world while the truth is pulling on his shoes, said somebody, maybe. A lie, however, can make money for years longer than the truth could ever hope for.
Well, we couldn't quite get it together to have fresh material for every day of the break. So for this Tuesday and Thursday, we bring you our regular guests on their regular days of the week, only this time, they're counterprogramming last week's Republican National Convention with our coverage of the last Democratic National Convention. From 2020!
David Waldman is joined by Joan McCarter at KITM 2020 Democratic Convention World Headquarters to assist in blowing up virtual balloons, singing Springsteen and reviewing yesterday’s opening night. Analysts and hecklers were sidelined, and no funny hats, but Michelle Obama spoke directly to me, and so far that makes it the best ever. Tonight: Chuck Schumer! ...Followed by John Kerry! Woohoo! And following them… a minute or so of Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez. (Probably in conjunction with her AMA on Instagram.)
Donald Trump didn’t like it. No one appreciates that Trump has done so much more for the crummy, horrible, dumb people in the United States. In fact, Donald could talk your ear off about how ungrateful the Blacks and the Jews are these days. Suburban housewives though, they can shut up. He’s brought them a long way, baby. Trump will announce an executive order allowing Rosa Parks to sit anywhere on a bus in 1955. Also, it’s now legal for Susan B. Anthony to vote in 1872.
Anyhow, Michelle got Trump’s COVID-19 death toll wrong. He’s scored 30,000 more than she said, at least! Meanwhile, 71 of Mississippi's 82 counties are reporting coronavirus outbreaks on their first day of school. The jury’s still out on whether Adrenochrome, harvested from the fear of children, has a beneficial use against COVID-19—“the jury” being bat-shit crazy Qanoners who are now stealing kids to get their own little taste.
Speaking of evil, Postmaster General Louis DeJoy (not to be confused with non-evil short track Hall-of-Famer Don LaJoie) is destroying the Post Office to swing the election, and his stock portfolio. Susan Collins is concerned. Mitch McConnell is not concerned, yet. But Steny Hoyer and Nancy Pelosi are working to coax him out of his shell.
Trump just might pardon Edward Snowden… and there’s a senate report confirming Russia used Paul Manafort and WikiLeaks to sway the 2016 election. Remember emoluments? There are three pending cases on Trump’s violation of the emoluments clause, and it looks as if they will be pending still on election day. Remember Miles Taylor? Donald Trump does not. Katie Walsh led talks to remove Trump from the 2016 ticket. You might remember her as an RNC superstar, and one of the only “pro”s to work at the Trump White House.
David Waldman is away on holiday! I am away on holiday! Greg Dworkin isn’t away on holiday, but I don’t believe he has an office key… What will we do now? For the first time in KITM’s storied history we will present a pre-recorded ALL-NEW KITM, and this ALL-NEW summary of same. Why not? It’s summer, nothing much is happening…
J.D. Vance is an insignificant suck-up in an insignificant position at a very significant time, at a very young age. Vance is the tip of the spear of Project 2025.
Black women are squarely behind the Biden-Harris ticket, and approve of Kamala as much as Joe, which is somehow seen as a problem.
School vouchers are said to save taxpayer money, but only by the dishonest to the credulous.
Today, David Waldman and Greg Dworkin deliver all of the up-to-the-minute RNC coverage we want and demand, which is none.
Into the annals of history (Wikipedia) with Abscam, the Keating Five, and uhm “Rubbergate”, now goes Senator Bob Menedez, judged qualified to headline his very own corruption scandal and maybe even a couple hundred years of jail time. Getting Bob into history books and prison is easy though, compared to getting him out of Senate. That might take some effort.
J.D. Vance got into politics for more than the bread. Vance has proven to be a zealous believer in whatever gets him to the next rung, just like his idol-idolizer Tucker Carlson. Tuck and J.D. understand that the quickest way to Donald Trump’s heart is up his ample behind, that soft spot that Donald reserves for his most ardent parasites.
MAGA will tell you, Donald Trump can’t lose this election. He. Can. Not. Lose. There is no alternative, to them. But, if that inconceivable event to them happens, they will just add more enemies to their enemy list. Democrats can win still, and will hopefully resist running their own Trump in 2028.
Hey, remember when Donald Trump was shot, or almost shot, maybe? Well, it turns out that the shooter just might not be the only one that ever thought of shooting Donald Trump! Donald was caught on tape reminiscing about his courage in the face of danger with Robert F. Kennedy's son, along with discussing the real terror facing the world, baby vaccination.
It’s Tuesday, so David Waldman and Joan McCarter are here to reminisce on the good old days back when Donald Trump was a convicted felon… Oh, he still is? Well, it is only Tuesday.
Yes, it’s another Donald Trump miracle. Could it be… God who keeps doing it? After all, He does have a dark sense of humor. Who else would place three snipers under the roof that the rally shooter was climbing upon? Or suggest the shooter and his family to the Trump campaign as prime 2A voters? (Btw, has anyone broke it to Donald that one of his props was damaged at the rally?)
It could be that He needsTrump to stick around to keep J.D. Vance from moving up. Yale-Yokel Vance might seem as American as apple pie, following the release of his book “Hillbilly Elegy” (Both pandering and condescending towards MAGA in just two words), but there’s a lot more than his press release to the guy. Donald might soon need more than Matrix-level ducking skills once the election’s over and Project 2025’s man is impatiently second in line.
Tragic news. Media icons Dr. Ruth Westheimer and Richard Simmons passed away this weekend. They say these things ”happen in threes”… Wait! You... wouldn’t think that… No! ...David Waldman and Greg Dworkin are both alive and well and here to bring us a brand new KITM this morning. Whew!
In other news, Hell can wait. Donald Trump got yet another pardon Saturday afternoon. Not only is Trump totally exonerated again and has officially attained his long-awaited turning point toward presidential behavior, but Joe Biden, along with anyone left of J.D. Vance, received a million new opportunities to fail.
Political assassinations are a time-honored tradition in the United States. It’s 2024 though, so there’ll be a thousand Zapruders, and now a Jack Ruby can arrive in under 20 minutes. Of course, every Trump rallier has already been interviewed hundreds of times over the years: “I hollered over t’ Ethel, I said ‘Don’t look Ethel!’ but it was too late...” Firefighter Corey Comperatore (Corey would have preferred “fireman”) died a hero, but lived a Trumper. Gunman Thomas Matthew Crooks was no angel either, you know.
When Donald Trump is soon elected CEO of America he plans to cut back intel sharing with Europe, because he’d rather be intel selling. In response, Russia is expanding into assassinating CEOs.
AOC understands that Clarence Thomas and Sam Alito constitute a clear danger to our democracy. Clarence Thomas understands that democracy constitutes a clear danger to him, so he threw Aileen Cannon a bone, and Donald Trump one more get out of Hell free card.
Alec Baldwin didn’t need Clarence Thomas to make him a free man, just a confused prosecution.
Today on KITM, David Waldman and Greg Dworkin mark the 5,459th Wednesday of Donald Trump’s villainy.
Who’d guess that the overriding concern of voters since 2019 on Joe Biden would continue all the way out to 2024? Us Dems, warmly ensconced in our comfy media bubble, had kind of an inkling for a while, but had no idea of how harsh it actually was outside. Maybe, if we got back inside really quick, it might all work out?
No. That’s it. Joe has made his decision. (Unless he makes a better one.) Remember, in case of emergency, there has always been a Vice President, who in a perfect world with perfect people would be the perfect choice right now.
More people are identifying as Republicans recently, especially in the youth vote… a little worrisome to establishment Democrats for some reason… Shut up! Joe Biden is our candidate! Look at how well he’s done with Israel and Gaza! I mean, he did the best he could, and that’s all we’re asking for, right? Joe Biden will not be implementing Project 2025, even as that might mean untold numbers of incels won’t get laid.
Anyhow, the guy President Joe Biden is running against, what’s his name, coward, bully, cad, thief, and arch-enemy of democracy. When will that guy be brought to justice… and stay there? Ah, but that’s “old news”, which nobody talks about, unless it’s old news that everyone is talking about, which would be news.
Justice Putnam threw us a curve ball this morning, with word that Marla Maples is ready to accept the mantle of the vice presidency. It could happen!
Prepare yourself for the next stage of The Convicted Felon’s obstruction of justice: blocking his trial judges from carrying out their orders from SCOTUS.
So… ready for Supreme Court reform? Here’s a new angle on it, that seeks to build a little more fairness into the system.
Super-perv Donald Trump surrounds himself with under-pervs, as you well know. A.J. Delgado, whose face was eaten by a leopard, knows it too. And has the texts to prove it.
Oh, and RFKJr. is a f-ing wackadoodle.
When Joan McCarter stops by, she helpfully explains that I’ve misunderstood the latest Gop conspiracy theory, but not to worry, because the one she was talking about is just as dumb as the one I was imagining. And speaking — as we were before — about the need for SCOTUS reform, Joan’s been talking about that since forever. So we talk about it some more.
In what might be a sneak preview of a future post, Joan entertains us with the story of the caucus that one day hopes to kick all its own members out: the House Freedom Caucus.
David Waldman joined our sad lot who watched the first debate. Although with a little bit of space David decided that the debate wasn’t the worst that could be imagined. Greg Dworkin filled his Raft O’ Stories™ at ports around the world to reveal what we (hopefully) have in common.
Sacre bleu! France blocked the takeover by their far right, even when it meant sacrificing their own to do it. Blimey! The British rejected its right wing as well, even if they couldn’t accept a Prime Minister who looks like John Oliver portraying Thurston Howell III.
Around the world, Gen X drives the right, but the rest of us are wising up to the ultraright takeover. How about the U.S. of A., land of the free, home of the brave? The more people learn about Project 2025 the less they like it. Which is why Donald Trump will let the states… or the federal government decide… or the Supreme Court, who cares? Whatever exonerates him the most. Donald will have people to take care of that, and you.
But, what about Joe? And/or Kamala? Well, buck up buttercups, Biden’s back, baby.
It's time to pretend we're already back from the July 4th holiday! Here's how we did it on July 5, 2023:
Another day after another National Lee Greenwood Day, and just like last year David Waldman is presenting a yet another KITM under the cloud of more mass shootings and the rain of falling celebratory bullets.
Greg Dworkin believes that it’s time to rescue those freedoms that we celebrate. A rogue, corrupt, and dumbass Supreme Court abolishes freedoms and strangles democracy. President Joe Biden could do something about it, and he probably is, but talking about things sometimes gets in the way of doing things. Joe is happy to do either, and is pretty adept at picking the right choice. Biden is on to Plan B for student debt. Bidenomics is turning out great, but not enough people know that. The markets feel it though.
One form of affirmative action is no longer available because of SCOTUS, so maybe we should look into the others.
Like it or not, Biden vs. Trump II is on. And like usual, Trump is losing. Not like DeSantis is losing, but still. Some Republicans believe a dozen or so impeachments will turn everything around. Donald Trump figures a dozen or so sets of gallows might do the trick.
The White House might want to fight the forces of disinformation heading into this election, but a federal judge won’t let them. On the good side, Jack Smith is still picking through the classified document crime scene, and no one has stopped the prosecution of January 6 insurrectionist-tourists.
Hey look! A Good Guy With A Gun citizen-shot a mass shooter! Except that the Bad Guy With A Gun only a shot a window before his gun jammed. And the GGWAG only then returned and shot the BGWAG… but a win is a win, right?
KITM listeners are the luckiest people on earth. Where else could you tune in to a political newscast of any stripe that isn’t talking about the debate this morning? Bless David Waldman.
For the sake of argument, let’s say that Donald Trump still finds he has a hard time being reelected president. Across the nation, Republicans have learned the error of their ways, and are now planning to rig the vote better for their candidates and block the vote better against their opponents.
Mikhail Gorbachev was able to destroy the USSR in only 6 years. Can Trump beat his time? Vladimir Putin believed in a Trump Yalta ahead of 2016, and he’s doubling his bets this year. Vlad and Donald should be able to divvy up the US much easier than Germany... After all, most of the hard work has already been completed. Centrists from Biden to Macron are having difficulty finding anyone remaining in the center to work with.
On January 6, Tommy Tatum strived to remove officers’ helmets with their heads still inside, and has been on vigil for his imprisoned confederates in Washington ever since. Finally, Tommy can wait inside with the others.
David Waldman just hasn't got the voice left to finish out the week. So today, once again, KITM stands for Kagro in a Time Machine.
It's another look back, and another opportunity to convince yourself that yes, you are better today than you were four years ago. Way better!
Take a look at how bad it really was:
Donald Trump can’t even golf, the news is so beautiful. We’re in the money! Employment has dived to still-depression levels. Trump says he couldn’t have done it if it wasn’t for the guidance of George Floyd’s angel. Trump’s off to Maine, where the plan is to make the streets run red with domination.
ACORN rerouted a caravan of voter fraud busses out of Guatemala to Indiana, loading 250 Antifa super-soldiers to each bus for a raid on Chicago, but quick-thinking Fox-watching police made them disappear into thin air. Oh wait! They’ve been sighted heading into Idaho! They’re back in Indiana! 6,000 — One terrorist for each of the population of the town of Notre Dame! Oh no, while we were distracted, a busload camper of 4 terrorists campers that rioted in drove through Forks, WA were caught are suing, hopefully. Pray that we all make it through tonight.
James O’Keefe infiltrated the past and discovered antifa headquarters in the heart of Portlandia.
Back in the real world, actual soldiers caravan into Washington DC to crack a few heads. An elderly man in Buffalo triggered blue rage by attempting to return a helmet. Bethesda, MD police are looking for a bicyclist assaulting kids that were posting George Floyd signs. That should be easy, they just need to find a guy that looks just like a cop. Maybe police are a mistake.
DC’s Mayor, Muriel Bowser, increases the police budget by $19 million… But sent a big message to the world this morning, and might have a few more things up her sleeve. Authorities always need more money for more domination.
The New York Times is about 200 years old and hopes to establish a method of administering its standards soon. In the meantime, occasional fascist propaganda might leak through. The Times shouldn’t challenge its readers with lies, however.
Well, Trump’s trial jury decided to head into the weekend early, scuttling our chance to hear David Waldman vocally impersonate each member of the 118th Congress over the course of one KITM. Maybe next week.
TFFG earned another F last night. In fact, he earned 34 more. The question is, do all of those F’s finally take him to a big fat L? To us in the hoi polloi, it would seem apparent, but let’s stand back and let the experts think this through… Yes, at long last it does seem as if Donald Trump might not be an invincible outlaw, but only a grubby little two-bit crook to the press as well.
Of course you are now asking “How does this hurt Joe Biden?” Well, unlike Trump’s, the jury’s still out on that verdict. Piers Morgan and Marco Rubio are definitely going to vote for Trump now, but as Greg Dworkin and Keith Olbermann always remind us, a percent or two change might make a big difference.
Meanwhile Samuel Alito continues to stand for a woman’s right to choose to support the overthrow of democracy.
Judge Aileen Cannon seems a little slow… Is it because she’s a little slow, or does it just seem that way?
Sadly for RFK Jr.’s VP pick Nicole Shanahan, in rich wack-job conspiratorial fringe circles, there’s only so many dweebs to choose from.
The key to peace in the Middle East might be an uprising from the middle.
Are you better off now with an episode from 4 years ago?
Hope so, cuz that's what yer gettin'!
David Waldman and Greg Dworkin clocked into their home offices early that morning to apply their noses to their respective sanitized KITM grindstones:
It turns out that most people want to continue to live, and would like others alive as well. A few, however, are happy to trade you for them. That is, as long as you remain docile when it comes harvest time. 100,000 dead Americans would be just the start. Donald Trump knows what a life is worth, and is shopping for a bargain.
Trump hasn’t handled the coronavirus pandemic adequately at all, ever, thus allowing straightforward tracking of his performance. Trump will continue to do everything awfully, and most expect him to destroy and endanger more. Still somehow, the election outcome remains in doubt. That’s because it’s now Democrats versus authoritarians, and authoritarians just aren’t as enthusiastic about people voting as much as Democrats are. Maga boys hated authority about a minute ago, but rekindled their love early this morning. Public lynching of computers and phones are sure to follow if they continue to refuse to let Donald lie and slander.
House Republicans so hate seeing anyone have an easy time voting, they’re filing a lawsuit against proxy voting.
In a triumph of technology, ingenuity and human determination, a man made giant, animatronic Kookaburra. Also, SpaceX will be the first private company to send people into space.
David Waldman drops us off at the corner of a long holiday weekend holding a brand new KITM that he has crafted himself, with a little heart drawn on the outside.
Donald Trump drew a large crowd at his rally in the Bronx! No, he drew a small crowd! Well, we must prove that the size was the size it was to the other side! Because, once they understand the facts, they will understand… well, nothing really.
Democrats love to state all of the facts on hand, as well as explain all of the logic of situations, in the belief that once supplied with facts and logic, Republicans will turn into Democrats...
First, they won’t listen. Second, they will keep anyone else from listening. Third, The Democratic love of facts, logic and explaining has been made into a trap that Dems have now been caught in. Trump’s vow to deport 15 million people is cruel, illiberal, openly authoritarian… and the most myopic, impractical, counterproductive, dangerous, and illogical boondoggle in U.S. history... Uh, since “The Wall” of course, which got Trump elected by people who said, “Well something needs to be done”, “At least he’s trying”, and “I hate, fear and resent people who aren’t me, and this will be just like watching COPS”.
Justice Samuel Alito was flying a battle flag of the New Apostolic Reformation over his beach house. So, is Sam Alito a true believer? Yes, Sam truly believes that you can kiss his ass. Alito could have been more discrete in rewriting racial gerrymandering standards to help white Republican states, but he specifically chose not to. Why you ask? Did he not mention that you can kiss his ass?
Why not start a Friday with weird sports news? But not just any weird sports news. Political sports news!
A guy who is a genuine NFL player, albeit a kicker, has said some things. They were meant to be pretty conservative, especially with regard to gender roles, and he thought his views would be at home at a Catholic college. But nuns actually work for a living.
We may never know who’s right about this dust-up as between the cops and a top pro golfer. But then again, not every story has a right side, you know? What’re you gonna do?
Justice Alito would, for some reason, like you to think he has nothing whatsoever to do with flying the flag outside of his home. Oh, also, flying it upside-down. Anyway, his wife totally did it, he says. And because journalists love to tell you why things matter, here are some other reasons why that matters.
Have you ever wondered what you would see if you could beam into a Trumpified future? Well, how about seeing the present in Israel and the West Bank? Granted, it could take you a long time to take it all in. But what if you could get the critical points in just a few minutes? Why, then you’d really have a distressing lens through which to view the crumbling of Western-style democracy!
Not sure if that’s actually what you’re viewing? Well, what if American proto-fascists just started pardoning pro-fascist murderers?
House Republicans are so eager to come to the NYC courthouse and kiss the ring that they’re leaving their “majority” unguarded. But they managed to cobble one together in time for a futile gesture toward Israel. Meanwhile, their Very Strong Leader is already looking to get out of the debates he bragged about agreeing to yesterday.
Do you know about New Caledonia? You do now.
On the good news side of the ledger: Hooray for the CFPB and active governance! And for scales falling from eyes!
David Waldman and Greg Dworkin make it to the end of (Greg's) week! Unless you’re Greg, or need to get to Barron’s graduation, you still need to show up tomorrow.
Michael Cohen, former fixer for Donald Trump, is fixing him good for his third day of testimony, his second under cross examination by crying little shit Todd Blanche. We are close to the finish line now, so close that Judge Merchan might resist the temptation to jail Trump for his contemptuous gang of surrogates outside the courthouse. If you thought that it was awful when Mike Johnson and his crew took wrecking balls to our justice system Tuesday, just see what they can do in the hands of Lauren Bobert! Nobody can gag Lauren!
The dozen of Americans hesitant to make their decision between the two 2024 presidential candidates before they got to know them better, can rest easy as two debates have been scheduled.
Pollsters crunch those numbers behind their increasing incompetency polling non-whites.
Election news: Jan. 6 felony rioter Derrick Evans lost his Gop primary. Bethany “Grandma Killer” Mandel lost in her campaign for school board in Maryland, for which she ran as a Democrat. Gop Courtney Gore won her school board slot, then repented after she had discovered that she campaigned on lies.
Mitt Romney takes the lead in the parade of Republicans demanding that Biden pardon Trump in 2025.
Rudy Giuliani is probably still alive, which would be a major hitch in his plan to escape massive fines and jail time.
21 men have been trapped for weeks on the container ship that crashed into Baltimore’s Francis Scott Key Bridge with virtually no access to porn. Happily, the crew has been supplied with SIM cards and temporary phones for the duration.
The US military has secured its floating pier to Gaza, finally allowing Gazans access to food and supplies and Israeli settlers to push more Palestinians into the sea.
Does Trump hope to be our Orbán, Berlusconi or Netanyahu? One thing is certain: Chaya Raichik is our American Itamar Ben-Gvir.
On today’s KITM, David Waldman and Greg Dworkin announce that we are right. In fact, it turns out that we were correct all along!
The People of the State of New York v. Orange J. Turd takes their Wednesday break today. Yesterday, Trump’s backup singers arrived well rehearsed to all sing the same tune outside the courthouse. Imagine their embarrassment when Tommy Tuberville wanted to join in.
Tag team porn watcher Mike Johnson missed his chance to get Stormy’s autograph, but as second in line to the presidency, felt a responsibility to crap on democracy and the U.S. system of justice.
Inside the courthouse, Trump defense attorney Todd Blanche apparently thought that his job was to start a bar fight so Donald could slip out the back. All Todd did was remind everyone of the precise reason they were all there. Even Ed Koch showed up to give Trump a kick in the pants. Other former New York Mayor Rudy Colludy Giuliani probably wishes that he could be sitting right next to Mr. Koch at this very moment.
So, Donald Trump is a little ahead in some of the polls. So what! Why believe those polls, when you can imagine them being better? Why believe polls that you don’t like when there are so many nice polls to look at? For instance, 1 in 5 Republicans voted against Trump in Nebraska and Maryland, instead voting for Nikki Haley, who isn’t even running for anything! Well in November they have to vote for somebody, don’t they? Well maybe not… but it could be for Joe, right? Look at the polls for the Democratic primary in Maryland. David Trone was ahead the entire time, until he wasn’t. That has to tell you something, doesn’t it?
Dahlia Lithwick continues to describe how the Supreme Court decides upon laws, then looks for reasons that they are correct in their decision.
David Waldman takes The KITM House off of double-secret probation to allow Joan McCarter to visit a while.
Good news for Donald Trump! That IRS audit has finally been completed, and Trump will be able to share his tax returns from now on.
Michael Cohen (the one who is not the other one) returned to the “Von ShitzinPantz”, or if you prefer, the “Orange Turd” trial. Today was Mike Johnson’s turn to be Trump’s contempt ventriloquist puppet. Mike is an example of those kind of puppets that work by going up their opperator’s backside.
Johnson is doing this to impress MAGA. He’s not, but that’s OK, because it’s Democrats who are keeping him in his job. Marjorie Taylor Greene is still determined to pull Mike off the cliff with her.
The Israel-Palestine conflict is a tale of horrible villains and horrific victims, told over and over and over again. It’s also a tale of the sole democracy in the Middle East... a story wearing a bit thin.
FreedomWorks had become unworkable, and is now inoperative.
Oh-oh! Vice President Kamala Harris was caught cussing! That’s not Vice Presidential behavior, now is it?
Originalism is how Right-wing activist judges rewrite the law.
Ace KITM Correspondent Rosalyn MacGregor reports that Ottawa county keeps ousting Ottawa Impact screwballs.
Where were you in the geomagnetic storm of ‘24? A few tractors have been seen wandering about, but no giant carnivorous plants, spooky kids or zombie hordes to speak of, which is actually a good thing, as David Waldman and Greg Dworkin already have enough on their plates to discuss as it is.
Today at the Orange Turd Von ShitzinPantz trial, informally known as the “Trump hush money trial” the prosecution called their star witness, Michael Cohen. (No, not the guy you're thinking of… then again, he probably is.) Michael Cohen was Donald Trump’s fixer. Not just anybody's, but Trump’s specifically, so Michael can testify on what needed to be fixed, and how it was fixed. Of course Trump intertwined the Trump Organization into his presidency.
Senator Robert Menendez is happy that media attention has been reduced on his trial, or would be, if it had any bearing on him not going to jail forever.
Those in the media are in need of a mindset adjustment.
Donald Trump is not entitled to Secret Service protection in jail or prison. The police can be trusted to look after him, having only one slip up with Donald’s friend,the late, great Hannibal Lecter... and his other friend, Jeffery Epstein.
States do not agree on how to handle their fake electors.
Meanwhile, Kari Lake would say anything to get attention, and yet everything she says keeps getting less attention.
Gops can’t understand why everyone is talking about of this, when President Joe Biden hasn’t been impeached.
David Waldman makes a surprise return to KITM! It was mostly a surprise to him, but there he was, sitting in front of the microphone, so he figured, why not?
By popular (David’s Mom) request, Ace KITM Correspondent Rosalyn MacGregor reports on Abdullah Hammoud, the Mayor of Dearborn, Michigan deciding whether to support Joe Biden, and if a lack in his support will bring peace to Gaza, or Donald Trump to office. Meanwhile, over in Rosalyn’s neck of the woods, voters in Ottowa County recalled a GOP county commissioner who voted to repeal their DEI department.
Joe Biden is out there trying. Joe announced that the U.S. will not supply Israel with weapons to attack Rafah, which isn’t everything, but it’s something. The problem with satisfying issues voters is when they wonder what you’ve done for them lately. With ideological voters, they will always/never be happy. Donald Trump prefers purely transactional donors who give him billions, and he can stiff later.
The Senate passed a reauthorization of the Federal Aviation Administration once they gave Senators direct flights out of DCA.
Orange Turd, Von ShitzinPants, whatever his name is today, he’s back in court. He sure can golf though, huh?
“Stockholm Syndrome” is how police describe cooperating with someone who isn’t a cop, because you’d have to be insane to not cooperate with the cops.
It’s Thursday, the day David Waldman interrupts Greg Dworkin's laundry day to get the latest in news and analysis! (Greg still works a couple of loads through.)
So, RFK Jr had a brainworm, but why did the worm have to be such a hog? How could such a thing happen? Maybe Bob just said it to win a divorce settlement, in which case he certainly must have brainworms.
Stormy Daniels testified for the second day of the last criminal trial Donald Trump will ever have. The court was packed, as Stormy is an actual celebrity. Daniels’ of course was aware that her reputation could only be harmed by being associated with the likes of Trump, and yet one slip in judgement years ago painted her forever as a person with low standards. Daniels, who is used to improvisation in her regular work, also took some heat for going off-script in court. The fact remains that her absence changed history in 2016, and her presence might change it again.
Donald Trump’s lifelong quest to stay out of jail will end one way or the other, sooner or later, but people associated with him are on a faster track. In Georgia, prosecutors have messages showing Trump’s team is behind election interference efforts… and in Michigan, former Adams Township clerk Stephanie Scott is facing criminal charges for mishandling voter data, while she’s running for Hillsdale County clerk … and in Colorado, the indicted County Clerk’s Deputy will testify against her boss… and in 2024, few Republicans seem even a bit smarter.
Marjorie Taylor Greene loses again, but if she didn’t, who would pay attention to her?
Journalists find their job of maintaining false equivalencies tougher with each passing day.
President Joe Biden will not supply Israel with weapons to attack Rafah. Ronald Reagan wouldn’t either. John Fetterman would. Bibi is the worst.
David Waldman and Greg Dworkin fight ignorance and injustice on today’s KITM. Well, most of the KITMs, actually, but today is a good example.
Stormy Daniels took the stand in Orange Turd v. Von ShitzinPantz yesterday. Stormy, known to have a way with words, recounted the details and drama of her short time with Donald Trump leading up to his committing 30+ criminal offences. People like Samson, Ron Jeremy and Trump have a way with the ladies that evangelicals just can’t help but admire.
Is Marjorie Taylor Greene man enough to take on Mike Johnson? Mike and Marge’s little catfight makes Donald Trump seem like a fair-minded mediator. Kristi Noem can’t distract Newsmax or Fox Business with neither her masculinity nor femininity.
Trump is having a hard time measuring up to Nikki Haley in Indiana, as some voters begin measuring by character. Money isn’t enough to make up for some shortcomings.
Aileen Cannon still loves Donald, almost as much as she loves Leonard Leo. Trump might not be immune in other’s eyes, but with Aileen he will always be.
KAHANISM! That’s the term for right-wing extremist Zionism, and one Reuven Kahane took to heart. Right-wing judges will no longer hire graduates of Columbia as clerks.
Did you guess that RFK Jr. has brainworms? Yep, you were right.
Today, David Waldman reminds us that there’s only 364 shopping days until Eastern Orthodox Easter, while Greg Dworkin oars his Raft O’Stories™ down the Mighty KITM onto the shoals of big Monday.
Donald Trump calls for the arrests of people who irk him on a daily basis, but he only hints at their assassinations. If you are one of Trump’s VP contenders, which one do you promote? Krisi Noem has clearly chosen her path to victory, while Tim Scott has much more of a wait and see attitude.
Marjorie Taylor Greene needed some cash, so she took out a hit on Mike Johnson. Some want him to stay, or leave, or don’t care. No one should expect Mike to persuade or organize anyone in any way.
Lauren Boebert went to George Washington University in an attempt to reach around to students, but was surprised on how darn quickly they get pumped up.
The historic Von Shitzinpants v. New York trial heads into yet another week with yet another guilty verdict. Donald Trump might finally get what he deserves yet. Trump’s lawyers say that of course Trump has always lied to you, but just not this time… promise! Hope Hicks, how does she do it?
183 days until the election and President Joe Biden does not have the lead, except in the only way that counts. Over in the UK, the voter Brexit continues for the Tories.
Israel proposes a cease fire with Hamas, plus just a tiny bit of extra bombing in Rafah… might as well use those extra bombs while they have them.
The Foundation for Jewish Campus Life, also known as Hillel International, used to be a sleepy little oasis for students who missed aspects of their culture. But nobody hasn’t taken some side anymore.
May the Third be with you! You’re always a little ahead of the curve with David Waldman and KITM!
Ace KITM Correspondent Rosalyn MacGregor reports on Jordan Epperson,another local right wing nutjob running for office in Ottawa County, not so controversial for his nutjobness, but for being a prettyboy hire, although he did build his nutjob bona fides over time… Whoops, he’s already out.
How does Don Von ShitzinPants do it? If anyone knows Donald Trump’s dirty little and big secrets, it’s Hope Hicks, whose job was to steam Donald’s pants even before he did it on his own.
If you think most voters mind the cops busting up protesters, then you don’t know most voters. Republicans know that when it comes to protesters, voters want to MAGA.
Somewhere along the incel spectrum lie "Tradwives", ostensibly virgin/whores for their Traddads, but actually in intense competition for each other’s envy and admiration. Makeup, diet, cleaning and decorating tips are traded and copied, along with conspiracy theories, fearmongering, and fundamental religion. Some are attempting to reduce tradwife impact through satire and ridicule, but trads are probably pretty impervious to that. That’s why they are such a good fit for Donald Trump, but probably an even better fit for RFK Jr.
A Girl Scout won a Gold Award for creating a library of banned books, then mention of her commendation got cancelled.
May day, again! On today’s KITM, David Waldman and Greg Dworkin perform many of the rarely heard verses of “I’m Just a Bill”, along with that old dance hit, the “Motion to Recommit”. If the Gop thinks they can shut up Marjorie Taylor Greene, then they might have something there.
Twelve departing lawmakers tell us what Congress is really like… well, maybe not like Matt Gaetz could tell you.
The trial of Sleepy Don, TFG, TFFG, TFFFG, BaronVon ShitzinPantz… really, if we had to herald all of Trump’s royal ranks and titles, Trump could be able to delay the trial for days.
Meanwhile, Donald Trump humbly asks the American people for another chance to be their dictator, promising to be much more dictatory this time around. Tears in their eyes, America thanks Donald for granting them the lawlessness they’ve always so richly deserved. Unfortunately for Trump,Tradwife influencers are kind of kooks, and that demographic is owned by RFK Jr.
Colleges across the US have been ruminating on when the best time is to call in the cops to crack down and crack heads. U.C.L.A. regrets enrolling those hippies in the first place. What’s wrong with being patriotic and dressing to impress like some of the kids?
Hooray! David Waldman and Greg Dworkin have heard our May day calls and are steaming our way with a huge Raft O’ Stories™.
Today’s protest generation is probably sincere, probably thoughtful, but are they really being politically savvy? If not, then apparently, the Columbia University Department of Political Science is a worthless sham. How can so many young people, on campuses across the nation, not have their focus honed into a single soundbite? It’s terribly confusing to the older people. Columbia University sent the New York Police in to round up student demonstrators rather than divesting from companies with ties to Israel, because divesture is just too complex of a subject to describe to the youngsters, and apparently, the Columbia Business School is another worthless sham. Who wants peace and Palestinian rights anyhow? Well, for one example, a lot of Zionists do. Back to Donald Trump. Donald figures that if he can only score a little jail time, his lawyers will finally quit their nudging him awake so he might get a little rest. Trump dreams of being a dictator, with an endless stable of liars and lunatics at his beck and call. Trump said as much in his talk with TIME magazine, if you call what Trump does as “talking”. Gops hate Democrats so much that they’re rejecting democracy… or vice versa. Gop Don Bacon resolved to shake his fist at Dem Ilhan Omar. Hakeem Jeffries is out there trying to save his old pal Mike Johnson from Mike’s old pal Marjorie Taylor Greene.
If we were to only elect a good Kennedy, the House situation could look a little better.
On Today’s KITM, David Waldman does what he can to prepare us for whatever it is coming our way.
Donald Trump’s hush money/election interference trial resumed Friday in Manhattan Criminal Court, where. uhm, where… Oh my God, he’s going to get away with it all, isn’t he?
Yesterday, the Supreme Court posed the question, “If Donald Trump can’t commit federal crimes with complete impunity, then who can?” They pondered the conundrum of whether the President is just too big to jail, too tied to American democracy and liberty to reign in. (As would be, of course, those Supreme Court justices, several billionaires, and a few foreign potentates.) After all, it’s how the Founding Fathers would have wanted it, had they planned to ignore the citizenry. It’s how MAGA citizenry wants it today.
A right-wing legal group discovered that lawsuits are an efficient and economical way to spread election disinformation.
A former Baltimore high school athletic director is accused of framing the principal using Artificial Intelligence. The only solution to this growing problem would naturally be flamethrowing robot dogs.
It’s Thursday, and David Waldman and Greg Dworkin are back to discuss everything important and newsworthy... except flamethrowing robot dogs. That subject remains woefully under-reported here.
Kids nowadays! What’s with all of these anti-war protests at campuses? Quit acting like your grandparents and get a job! Oh, and if you want to appear sensible, don’t demonstrate overt support for either the Viet Cong or Hamas.
MintPress might smell fresh, but should probably remain only a garnish on your news media diet.
Pecker got Trump into his present criminal trial, and Pecker might just convict him, along with 40 other witnesses there to cut Donald down to size.
An Arizona grand jury indicted Mark Meadows, Rudy Giuliani and Boris Epshteyn plus many more for 2020 election interference. Donald Trump is “Unindicted Co-conspirator #1” in Arizona, and over in Michigan as well. Arizona Gop Chair Kelli Ward will hopefully get to see the arrest, perp walk and jail time that she had requested. Christina Bobb is the lawyer overseeing the RNC's "election integrity" efforts, and now will have on-the-job training as a defendant. More swing states will soon swing into action on their fake electors as more Gop money is transferred to lawyers. Donald will thank them all someday, just as he thanked Bill Barr for his service.
All of this should worry President Joe Biden. Ask any Nate, and they’ll tell you that Dems are in disarray and Trump’s only problem is having any party to run against in November.
Meanwhile, in the Republican House, everything is as solid as their Biden impeachment efforts.
Trump only needs is 5 votes, and he can put all of this aggravation behind him.
RIP Donald Payne, six-term Congressman from New Jersey. David’s old enough to know his dad!
It’s Wednesday, and David Waldman and Greg Dworkin are back with the news, views, and wishes for a happy Passover, and National Pigs in a Blanket Day for those of us with absolutely zero dietary restrictions.
Fake news! Mint Press isn’t the only one passing around stories too good to be true, more will be on the way. Syrian chemical weapons conspiracy theorists are being stoked to parrot Assad regime and Kremlin falsehoods.
Protests spread across US campuses, and no one is more happy than the Gops. Mike Johnson leads the charge for photo ops at Columbia.
Donald Trump gets teenier and tinier each day, while his problems only get bigger. His lawyers strategy of blurting out whatever has worn thin in just a few days. Now it has become not so nuts to start planning for a conviction.
Speaking of nuts, whether Donald Trump castrated Republicans or they neutered themselves doesn’t matter as long as they’ve been fixed. The Senate easily approved aid for Israel, Ukraine, and Taiwan while they were at it, and President Joe Biden signed off on it.
If you thought Trump would be perfect with more cynicism and nihilism, meet J.D. Vance.
Ace KITM Correspondent Rosalyn MacGregor reports from Michigan that Rebekah Curran figures her Ottawa County Commissioner experience would make her a perfect fit for United States Senator. Now she just needs 11,780 votes plus 3220 or so. The Republicans in the race include Mike Rogers, Justin Amash and Peter Meijer. Yes the Peter Meijer you’ve read about on the handle of your grocery cart. The Democratic candidate Elissa Slotkin remains narrowly in the lead.
Soon to join their January 6 brethren and sistren up the river will be members of the Fake Elector Gang.
Happy Passover! David Waldman and Joan McCarter present today’s Holiday Special KITM Ⓚ
Senator Tom Cotton wants the National Guard to clamp down on the anti-war hippy movement on college campuses. In 1970, Ohio Governor Jim Rhodes tried out a similar idea in a pretty well-publicized case. Cotton should consider Rhodes’ eventual plight of finishing his maximum two terms as Governor, skipping a term, then having the Ohio Supreme Court declare that he could return for another two terms, then running for Governor following those four terms and 16 years, SUBSEQUENTLY LOSING. Lesson learned! (And Donald Trump is taking notes.)
Stymieing Trump’s ambitions for his second through fifth presidential terms are multiple felony court cases that keep dredging up truth and facts. It’s really hard to foment a respectable mob in such conditions. To battle their annoyingly truth and fact laded prosecution, Trump’s defense is deploying a “blurt out distractions” strategy.
President Joe Biden got aid for Ukraine, although he had to cut border security out of the deal to get it… Thanks Trump! Marjorie Taylor Greene is counting her votes to oust Speaker Mike Johnson, and has so far made it to “three”, which pretty much used up her remaining brainpower. Anyhow, Mike doesn’t have much to do with the House.
In Montana, Republican Senate hopeful Tim Sheehy is trying to George Santos his way to election. In Pennsylvania, Dave McCormick figures that the Santos method is also worth a try.
Your tax dollars at work: Loss of federal protection in Idaho means that pregnancy emergencies might need to LifeFlight to other states, while migrants flown to Martha’s Vineyard by Ron DeSantis now qualify for special visas!
Mmm — Do you sense a certain “earthiness” in the air today? Why yes, that’s David Waldman and Greg Dworkin with today’s KITM Earth Day Special!
I regret the error. In last Friday’s summary I had stated that since the release of the Congressional FART team, all of the good fart jokes had now been written. As you KITM listeners know however, no matter what, Donald Trump always seems to have something cooking. I had discounted that Donald would never breathe easy… until no one can. TFFG earns yet another F.
So much for it being a “hush” trial… I can’t stop! Well, pretty soon we’ll all be talking about how Trump’s old pal Pecker is letting him down with embarrassing leaks. Much better!
Yep, that sound you hear is Trump deflating. Donald shakes his tiny fist and demands his followers avenge him. Trump’s MAGA are however turning micro, and his own family has better things to do. Donald Trump’s lack of popularity is somehow making him… less popular.
It’s looking like it will be another good week for America and President Joe Biden. The Senate voted to dismiss the House’s stunt impeachment against Homeland Security Secretary Alejandro Mayorkas. Congress... no actually, Mike Johnson... no actually, Donald Trump voted for Ukraine aid… No, actually there is no Gop Congress anymore. While Mike Johnson and Marjorie Taylor Greene were out back measuring to see whose Crucifix was larger, Hakeem Jeffries quietly took control of what civility that was left. The winner of this Congress is Joe Biden.
Joe’s getting his mojo back. Hopefully his Joementum will dislodge Trump from his Supreme Court.
Today’s January 6 FAFO winner: Scott Miller of Millersville.
EU parliamentary elections are upcoming in France, so it’s recieving the majority of Russian disinformation this week.
You think that David Waldman has it easy as host of the KITM Show? The Freedom Caucus released their FART team 20 some hours before our Friday show. All of the good jokes are done!
Marjorie Taylor Greene could have finally shown leadership aptitude in FART, had she not been thrown out of the caucus. Moscow Marjorie sure supports Vladimir Putin and yet has not been conscripted into the Russian army… or maybe she has... The Bill Barr sleeper cell reawakes.
Am I the only one, or did you also believe that people get in trouble when they ignore subpoenas?
Section 702 of FISA expires tonight unless Mike Johnson can change that. Misplaced merkin Rand Paul leads the opposition.
It’s another day in the notorious mob dotard Donald Trump’s election interference trial. Of course, Trump is a notorious mob dotard, so finding jurors too ignorant to despise him is tough. Of course, Trump is a notorious mob dotard, so keeping jurors safe from his mob hits will be tough. Of course, Trump is a notorious mob dotard, so keeping the room cold enough to keep TFFG awake will challenge every occupant. If it’s really a problem, Donald can always request a second blanket for his cell.
Israel had a chance to cut that out, but chose differently.
If FEMA needs to keep fishing you out of your Florida neighborhood, they want you to pay higher insurance rates.
Ace KITM Correspondent Rosalyn MacGregor has been corresponding, but we need to catch up on the publishing. Recently, Michigan Democrats won special elections to regain full control of state government, while Michigan Gops can’t even control themselves. Recently, one of Michigan’s anti-LGBTQ+ hate groups, Church Militant shut down, though it might be strategically retreating to friendly territory. Recently, that is, in the last few hundred years, the Methodist church has been schismatic, and particularly schismatized in today’s increasingly diverse, equitable and inclusive environment.
David Waldman and Greg Dworkin are back and awake as ever for the Thursday KITM!
Mike Johnson has been attempting to find the balance between allowing Ukraine to die at the hands of the Russians, or pretending to help only to arrive too late. Counting votes for Mike is made tougher by the everchanging vote to ruble exchange rate in the Gop House. C-Span could open a 24/7 kompromat video feed.
Over at the Senate, it didn’t take long to flush the House’s impeachment stunt. Republicans weren’t really trying, as impeachment was never really their goal.
Arizona Republicans are happy to stick it to Democrats on abortion for as long as they have their jobs.
A disgruntled employee attempted to destroy his company on the way out, and almost did too, as NPR had already inflicted plenty on itself already.
The Trump campaign is in deeper trouble than you think. Joe Biden is way ahead in several demographics. The DCCC has double the money as the NRCC. Donald Trump may not even win the election. If he does, this time he wants a bigger cut.
We’re back down to 5 jurors on Trump’s election interference/peener trouble trial, once more jurors realized how dangerous mob trials can get. It isn’t as if Donald didn’t warn them.
David Waldman and Greg Dworkin are back for the Thursday KITM. Listen to today’s show and you’ll never doze off!
Nighty night, Donald! Sure, food isn’t allowed in the courtroom, but there should be an exception made for a bowl of spaghetti or a cream pie under Donald Trump’s face. It’s hard to believe TFFG would have anything to complain about, it sounds like a laugh riot so far. Pity the Both-Sides Media, who have to make Trump more than the nothing he is, and the trial less than a case of felony election interference. After all, they’re still selling tickets to the debates.
There are a lot of Big Lies jockeying for attention right now, but Presidential Immunity is one that can be addressed before it gets much bigger.
Trump’s original Big Lie is still out there taking a toll. Smartmatic and MAGA Network OAN settled their election defamation case. Prosecutions of fake electors are gaining ground in swing states.
The Gop phony baloney impeachment trial continues to move forward, the White House is watching but expects only the best out of MTG’s handling of the case.
President Joe Biden is inching ahead in the polls, give or take. Arizona Republicans are standing strong on abortion, wiping out any chances they might have of being elected. If it wasn’t for the Supreme Court, Gops would go extinct. Disgraced Republican ex-councilor, Wilmer Puello-Mota ruined his life so much that he feels safer standing in front of Ukrainian drones.
No one knows more about most things than David Waldman and Joan McCarter. Listen to them for a couple of hours today and see how much smarter you can become.
Somnolent sleezewad Donald Trump is today attending the second day of his first criminal trial. Some say that Donald napped better yesterday than the great Lincoln or Washington would have, had they been indicted on multiple felonies. Stormy Daniels’ testimony should wake him tf up.
More details make Trump’s $175M bond story more complex but no less hinky.
Mike Johnson made the trip down to Florida, so now he thinks he’s a made man and MTG and Thomas Massie can’t hurt him. Come over to the Dems Mike, you’ll be safe from them there. What good is a functional House Speaker anyhow? Details aren’t awfully necessary when you’re freeing hostage appliances and randomly impeaching people.
Disgraced former Republican city councilor Wilmer Puello-Mota joined the Russian army rather than go to prison for child porn and register as a sex offender. Disgraced former Republican Congressman Madison Cawthorne might want to consider visiting the Ukrainian front as well.
Today, David Waldman and Greg Dworkin present the KITM Patriots Day Special… which was a holiday even before it became day one of Donald Trump’s first criminal trial. So far the trial is the trial of the century, despite Trump’s pleading, raging, ranting, and contempt. You know that it’s a big deal, even without Donald telling you so, because it’s so hard to bully or fake out a trial.
Outside the courthouse, Trump’s follower covers his face. TFFG’s argument has been that “Everyone’s a crook so I have to be the biggest one.”, which usually is unpersuasive to judges, juries, and hopefully enough voters. People do tell pollsters whatever they feel like telling them, then vote however they feel like, when they feel like voting. Chris Sununu gave Republican voters permission to vote for Trump no matter what they have ever said.
Probably fewer people will vote for Robert F. Kennedy Jr. than who are related to him, but still enough to do damage.
Donald Trump’s bond insurer insurer has insured that their money will be staying in the Cayman islands.
As of press time, World War Three has not yet kicked off, thanks to the whole world being being cool and all. Now, if everyone stays that way, and slowly backs up, it could turn out just fine… if anyone does something stupid, or worse, it might not. Remember that time Republicans said they did something, but really didn’t?
Let’s see… What happened since we last talked? Trump supporter and wingman OJ Simpson died, which other than freeing up some tee time and reminding everyone of Norm Macdonald, doesn’t solve much. Allen Weisselberg has been taken into custody, again, for criming for Trump, again, but every little incarceration helps. And, David Waldman dropped a brand-new Friday KITM, which is always nice.
Speaking of Donald Trump, and when isn’t anybody speaking about Donald Trump? But maybe, just maybe, he’s going to criminal court... and maybe, just maybe, he’s heading towards justice. Maybe not.
Meanwhile, incumbent President Joe Biden is fighting to get on the ballot in Alabama and Ohio. Them’s the rules. The rules they always let slide until right about now.
And, what if the rules they’ve always followed were never the rules, but only a typo? Qualified Immunity isn't a law, is not in the Constitution, and as it turns out it has been all a misunderstanding.
The Justice Department urged House Republicans to “avoid conflict”, but that is kind of their thing.
Who is Nick Adams? What is Nick Adams? Does it really matter?
The more Trumpy VP contender Kristi Noem becomes, the less anyone likes her, and eventually Donald will hate her too.
On Today’s KITM David Waldman coaxed Greg Dworkin almost out to the full hour mark! Unfortunately David wasn’t able to do much better with our live feed, which passed away shortly after. Catch the full two hours on the link! Let’s return to yesteryear, to the wild west of 1864 Arizona, 15 years before Wyatt Earp got a job with the Pima County Sheriff’s department. We see a lonesome stranger ride into town, though not just any ”stranger”, but probably one of the “strangest” ever: W. Claude Jones, politician, poet, fabulist, "pursuer of nubile females," including several child brides... and one of the founders of AZ’s near-total ban on abortions. Today’s Republicans clearly want these laws to happen. AZ Democrats trying to repeal the law were driven away. Trump and Kari Lake are on the record, with their support and also their opposition. Everybody gets what Republicans are trying to pull, except the New York Times, who refuse to tell dishonesty from complexity. Potemkin Gop outreach centers are now filled with a wholly different array of dildos for 2024. Donald Trump lost his third bid this week to delay next week’s “paying a porn star hush money to win an election” trial. Oh look! Donald just found exonerating evidence under this box of stolen atomic weapon secrets! TFFG has no friends, but he sure does have a lot of acquaintances always ready to help him out. Trump Media was saved back in 2022 by Anton Postolnikov, nephew of Aleksandr Yakov Smirnov, and a deep acquaintance of Vladimir Putin. Postolnikov has a little bank on the Caribbean island of Dominica, Paxum Bank, a pornography investment concern… Not to be confused with Axos Bank, who saved Trump tower for Donald with their few hundred million. Axos is run by Gregory Garrabrants, who is heavily acquainted with Don Hankey and well, you know him. All of these guys rub elbows occasionally at various events, and the cash seems to just flake off. Young girls, lots of them, and very young, are also there, for some reason.
On today’s show, David Waldman coaxed Greg Dworkin to pull his Raft O’ Stories several more feet up the Big Kagro River. We might get to 10 tomorrow!
Everyone knows that the secret to comedy is... Donald Trump established himself as the 2024 Pro-Choice Candidate and Gops got in line to be lead out of the wilderness... Timing! The Arizona Supreme Court has gone pre-abolition, pre-suffrage, pre-antibiotics, pre-statehood, to illuminate what states rights really can do to human rights, banning abortion for everyone but their daughters, wives, etc. Democrats feel that this might work towards their benefit in the upcoming election. The New York Times warns that just because that happened the last few dozen times, doesn’t guarantee it will happen again. Americans might be ambivalent about abortion, but they do prefer their rights be left right where they left them.
Trump’s hush money charges are seen as serious by most voters. It might change a few minds, but you know MAGA. Keeping DJT stock at $9 billion requires mass delusion heretofore unwitnessed. And yet, President Joe Biden is making money and laying down tracks, and is maybe, an inch or so ahead. Maybe MAGA will become distracted by RFK Jr. and the Gerald Ford Foundation.
Allen Weisselberg is going back to jail, again for Trump. Don Hankey charged Donald a low, low, LOW craaaazy low fee upfront, but unlike Hankey’s previous customers, the repo men just might be coming for Hankey this time. Right-wing fraudsters are fined $1.25 million for their robocall scam, but who will pay their bill?
Trump’s lawyers not only go bad for Trump, but they go stupid too, just cannon fodder for the Big Stall.
Wasn’t that nice? We all had a pleasant experience together. The solar eclipse was partially visible from 49 U.S. states yesterday, with 15 of those being in the “path of totality”. David Waldman made his eclipse encounter extra exciting by also viewing missile launches at the slightly forebodingly named Wallops Flight Facility. No one, not even Fox could ruin the moment, although Marjorie Taylor Greene really, really tried.
Joan McCarter, out west with many natural wonders, wasn’t so impressed with the eclipse, or with Marge Greene either. Mike Johnson wants to be Marge’s friend oh so much, but nothing works, not even letting her run the sham impeachment of Homeland Security Secretary Alejandro Mayorkas, which Moscow Marjorie will no doubt gavel in using the butt of a handgun. (Mike has spent his entire House “Leadership” waiting for Ukraine to die, but no such deal for him.) The rest of her Gop comrades do nothing, just like they have for months, waiting for marching orders on abortion and IVF… at least orders that they can repeat with a straight face.
Meanwhile, even as the hounds close in on fugitive from justice Donald Trump, he continues to lure more into his life of crime. Trump’s $175 million bond makes no sense, unless you view it as his accomplices’ covering fire while he continues to make his escape.
Have you heard about the Kaspereks? The Lowes Island Kaspereks? It seems that they ran into a bit of trouble about January 6.
Are you better off now than you were four years ago?
Find out, with our April 8, 2020 episode!
As per tradition, it was the day David Waldman reserves a chair and facemask for Elijah. It was also a Wednesday, the day David reserves for Greg Dworkin, who traditionally visits via Skype.
Dateline Somalia: A nation ravaged by pirates and rampant corruption, a population in anarchy as aid to those in need is commandeered by competing warlords for their own profit. Civilization crumbles into savagery. Back in the US, agents are seizing masks and other coronavirus supplies without a word, selling it to GOP-connected middlemen, intercepting, seizing, and "outbidding" the sales from those middlemen, then selling the gear thus seized BACK to those same middlemen in a victory for the free market. Of course these medical supplies aren’t counterfeit, are they? That would be Un-American. We’ll sue!
Barbados knows from pirates. The US introduces them to extortion after Rihanna tried to run the blockade.
Hydroxychloroquine could cause cardiac arrests. Hell, COVID-19 could cause cardiac arrests, so who needs any more? Donald Trump does, because he and his voters need to feel smarter than doctors, and if Trump finds only one tenuous connection to one dubious success, well, that’s better than nothing. Also: money.
Donald Trump broke the agencies that were supposed to stop the Covid-19 epidemic and is killing all the watchdogs. The people who knew all along it was a hoax, will soon come to the conclusion that they knew along this was big trouble. (Unless they are already dead.) Will those people still vote for Trump, once they know this is all Donald’s fault? Maybe.
Bernie Sanders is correct as usual. The second most important vote of our lifetime has to be taken seriously, right now. Yesterday, the Wisconsin Republican party risked thousands of Democratic lives and even sacrificed a few of their own in what could be a template for November. It will take a while to figure out what just happened.
It is no longer infrastructure week, at least for a while, as Nancy Pelosi and Mitch McConnell make Phase 4 happen remotely.
Did you feel the earth move this morning? It could be the scintillation of David Waldman’s cascade of Friday KITM information and insight. It could have been that earthquake in New Jersey.
Oh! So that’s what the World Central Kitchen logo looks like! Way up from where Israel sits, they found it hard to tell from the Al Jazeera, Reuters, Red Cross, etc. logos that pop up in their crosshairs so often. Anywho... their bad! (Or Hamas’ bad for provoking them, natch.) Ok, Israel will open up a few aid routes, are we good now? Just remember to label those new aid trucks better!
Oh, and make sure you send a copy of your ID to Israel’s artificial intelligence targeting system, just in case. They like to call it “The Gospel”... as a joke! LOL!
No Cash? No Credit? No Problem! Well, maybe a few problems for Knight Specialty Insurance Company, who might be backed by Knight Insurance Company, who might be backed by an IOU from Donald Trump, who could swear that he read thirty days same as cash on the door. (Offer void in NY) Tish James will give Donald another 10 days, therefore expect him to pull that ten more times.
Don’t expect Chuck Schumer to spend much time on Alejandro Mayorkas’ impeachment paperwork.
The Passion of John Eastman will culminate in his crucifixion or disbarment, but he probably won’t be returning after a weekend break.
Germans are on the lookout for Botswanans slipping elephants over their borders, further aggravating invasive species woes.
David Waldman welcomes back KITM Convalescent Contributor Greg Dworkin, who had plenty to say but with few breaths to say it.
Bibi Netanyahu has been under a lot of pressure lately. President Joe Biden is outraged at the killing of World Central Kitchen aid workers, heartbroken at the death of so many Palestinians, and probably pretty pissed at Bibi. The US government is beginning to think of punishing Israel, although Israeli citizens in fact don’t like Netanyahu a little more than they don't like Israeli soldiers killing Gazans, but are mostly adverse to harsh introspection. Donald Trump would have just brought peace to the region, or more likely would have done nothing but said he did.
Israel will tell you that verily, they solely follow The Gospel on who would live or die... now known by its less smite-full name “Lavender”.
There or here, what Joe Biden has to do in public might differ from what he does behind the scenes to fix things.
Broke-ass dotard Donald Trump has to prove exactly how poor he is to pass his $175M bond, as he, get this, neglected to submit correct PAPERWORK. Trump’s paperwork issues raise questions, as they always should.
Trump did collusion and is also a fascist who is trying to rig the electoral college, so what’s new about that? Not much, which is why although Trump and Biden are pretty much tied at the moment, Joe Biden is in a much stronger position.
David Waldman celebrates the Wednesday of it all, especially the part where Greg Dworkin returns with his big Raft O’ Stories™... Unfortunately Greg was unable to haul It too far along the KITM Canal without becoming a little winded.
It’s another post elections-Tuesday Wednesday. Donald Trump and the Republicans are getting everything they've been asking for, more hatred and fear, and fewer people willing to vote for them. Trump keeps claiming that he won Wisconsin, but he lost it just like he will this time.
“How did he do it?” Hope Hicks says that she has the answer. Meanwhile, House Republicans are pushing to have Washington DC’s Dulles renamed “Dotard International Airport”.
Jack Smith has just about had it with The Judicial Apprentice star Aileen Cannon’s antics. Smith sees Cannon’s “no basis in law or fact” orders to be “fundamentally flawed”... as one would.
Did Trump actually appoint Jeffrey Clark to lead the Justice Department? Actual paperwork would prove if Clark was the Acting Attorney General, or a Pretend AG.
Enid, Oklahoma is embarrassed no longer after voting out their very Naziesque City Council member.
RIP John Sinclair, previously in the stir for breathing air.
Every day does seem like April Fools Day anymore, but you can always rely on David Waldman and Joan McCarter to be your plain dealers.
Howdy ho! Broke-ass dotard Donald Trump posted a $175 million bond in his New York State civil trial. It wasn’t Donald’s money, it never is. This time Trump’s sweetheart was car loan tycoon Don Hankey. Mr. Hankey and Trump have a lot in common, so one can only hope that Trump’s loan came in around 800% APR.
Why does Trump threaten witnesses, juries, or anyone related to his trials, even against gag orders? Because it works, and he gets away with it, duh!
Israel had a really strong famine going in Gaza, when the World Central Kitchen arrived and started disrupting it all. A few missiles taught them a lesson. Sometimes folks just need to learn who’s in charge. Michigan Republican Tim Walberg wants to use Trump’s hurricane solution to turn Gaza into glass. Somehow when Gops say it, it doesn’t trigger the libs so much.
Now that President Joe Biden wants to fix the Francis Scott Key Bridge, Republicans don’t really feel it. Better that someone else take care of it, then they can take credit.
Absence doesn’t make Gop’s hearts fonder, they still hate each other on vacation. Murdery Traitor Greene continues to make the case for her stint as House Speaker, while Mike Johnson continues to make the case for House Speaker Hakeem Jeffries.
It’s the first of April and David Waldman reminds us to trust no one today on that wild world web. Greg Dworkin would have warned you also, but remains away on holiday assignment.
Who put Easter so close to April Fools Day, anyhow? Republicans demand that President Joe Biden apologize for placing Easter on March 31, The International Transgender Day of Visibility, and for banning religious symbols from Easter Eggs ever since 1976. Stupid-dangerous people have never had the power as they do now, especially that most stupid-dangerous person in history, You Know Who...
If you haven’t guessed yet, it’s Donald Trump. Sure, there are a lot of stupid-dangerous people around, but they have chosen TFFG as their king. Donald Trump’s lifelong goal of dying of old age before going to prison seems more on-track than ever. Potential Trump witnesses either get carrots or sticks, all of which are illegal of course, but you don’t see Donald in jail do you?
It has been years since Easter, and yet the area around there always remains in the news. Voting out the president there could help a lot.
It’s Friday! Good! David Waldman, and we made it through the week.
Georgia Gop Karen Handel purged voter rolls, blocked Democratic candidates from running, and clamped down on voter-ID, and yet Gop Brian Pritchard, election denier, managed to illegally vote 9 times right under her Gop nose. Pennsylvania can discard undated mail-in ballots, even when they arrive before deadline, an argument in such bad-faith that only Ronna McDaniel could say it on Meet the Press and get away with it. South Carolina have to hold their 2024 elections with an unconstitutional gerrymandered map, because no one got around to fixing it.
Crystal Clanton used to really hate black people. Sometimes in all caps. But that was way back when she was a child, and the national field director for Turning Point USA. Then she metGinni and Clarence Thomas, who try to pass along the benefits life brought to them to those in need, like Crystal. Now Crystal is the Thomas’ nearly adopted daughter in the Thomas’ nearly nepotistic hiring scandal.
Jeffrey Clark believes his attorney-client privilege extended to Donald Trump rather than the United States, which might be illegal, but you know that Donald would never have it any other way.
Mike Johnson will be send Mayorkas impeachment charges to the Senate on April 10. Of course Marjorie Traitor Greene will be impeachment manager.
Senator Ron Wyden called on the Biden Administration to declassify information about Paul Manafort and Russia, to catch everyone up before it all begins again.
As President Ryan Gordon, President Gerald Fitzhugh, President Anwar Sadat and over 200 other roles (Including 12 movies not yet out!) Louis Gossett Jr. became a huge part of our culture and memories.
It’s Thursday! Maundy Thursday! Today David Waldman reintroduces the word “turpitude” to our colloquial lexicon, and it’s about time, there’s a lot of it going around.
Titan of turpitude Trump received another very tardy gag order. When will judges learn?
Trump officials are hired primarily to aid in Donald’s turpitude, and thus knowingly endanger their own careers. Assistant attorney general Jeffrey Clark could face disbarment for supporting Trump’s 2020 coup. A California judge has now recommended disbarring John Eastman for being the chief architect of one of the January 6 plots, and of course, moral turpitude. Kenneth Chesebro and Jim Troupis turned over more than 1,400 pages of documents detailing their bad-faith arguments and turpitudinous cloud of confusion chaos. Lev Parnas can tell you all about that stuff.
Joe Lieberman, who was ok as ALF’s dad, I guess, but got pretty irritating following the 2000 election, is much less irritating today. Turpitude never entered his mind.
CPAC's Matt Schlapp dropped $480K to get one sexual battery lawsuit dropped. Now, what will he do about all the rest? Schlapp and Mrs. Schlapp worked to discredit and defame their first accuser, so they seem pretty turpitudinous.
You don't hear much about Jeffery Epstein’s island now that the right wing has been implicated. Expect to hear much less about it soon.
It's Wednesday! David Waldman and Greg Dworkin are still hanging in there, although Greg couldn’t croak through more than a half hour without croaking.
Ronna McRomney McDaniel is no longer hanging in there at NBC. NBC hoped to find the journalistic balance between liars and non-liars, but somehow came to the same conclusion as Donald Trump. People who don’t have to work with McDaniel are now irate. The post-Ronna RNC is making certain all new hires will be Big Liars from the start.
The Democratic machine in New Jersey stripped its gears trying to haul Tammy Murphy through their primary.
Also breaking down are House Republicans, who quit being a functioning majority party, but might soon become a completely dysfunctional minority party. Murdery Traitor Greene says Mike Gallagher can’t quit before she expels him. Has anyone thought of how nice “Speaker Greene” would sound right now?
You win some, you lose some. Alabama wins Democrat Marilyn Lands, who ran on IVF insanity. Alabama loses Republican David Cole, who was just arrested on felony voter fraud.
The 5th U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals holds the stay, er, stays the hold… Texas still can’t arrest and deport migrants on their own.
Ken Paxton’s been living his best life the last 9 years since being charged with securities fraud. He can now continue that life.
Is it possible that Donald Trump can destroy every single thing, while also making money from every single thing? Yes.
It’s Tuesday! David Waldman is back, Joan McCarter is not, and like Greg yesterday, Covid, and of course Donald Trump, is to blame. Get well everybody! (Not you, Donald)
Broke-ass dotard Donald Trump doesn’t need my well-wishes. That SOB is the luckiest guy in the world. Have you ever had a fine reduced by 2/3rds? That cut was because Trump is not trustable. Have you ever had a fine reduced because you weren’t trusted?
Stock related to Truth Social jumped 35% after Trump’s bond was reduced. Have you ever made $3 billion from a multi-million dollar losing company whose stock was named after your previous multi-million dollar losing company? MAGAs will lose their life savings, but after all, that is their intention.
Gops are not as lucky as Donald, nor as flagellant as MAGA. Sad!
It’s not hard out there for a Ho. Not James and Allyson Ho, the husband and wife, lawyer and judge team trying to take out mifepristone.
House Gops hope to teach Merrick Garland a thing or two about Constitutional law.
A powerless cargo ship calling for May Day drifted into the columns supporting the Francis Scott Key Bridge in Baltimore. They are finding cars in the river, but sadly are still missing people.
Israel is finding few who agree with them; therefore, they have decided to withdraw from asking anyone’s opinion.
It’s Monday! David Waldman is back and sounds recovered from the cold. Greg Dworkin is back and not quite recovered from Covid. Get well Greg!
You heard it speculated upon here first: Tammy Tammany Murphy will drop out of her U.S. Senate race.
Mike Gallagher couldn’t take MTG MAGA any longer, and takes Gops down to a one point reason for existence.
Well, today is the day Don Poorleone’s 50 years of grifting finally comes to an end… Drat! TFFG escapes yet again! Trump’s slime sure makes him one slippery devil. Still, all of this can’t be good news for Trump, right? Hard work and results will soon pay off for Joe Biden, right? Soon? Please?
The recent concert shooting in Moscow leaves over 130 dead, some are at fault, some are being blamed.
Jared Kushner dreams of all the beautiful (profitable) sunsets along the Gaza Strip, which could be oh so beautiful (profitable) without those Palestinians. Israel is an early investor in the dream. Palestinians will of course be allowed to return, as someone will need to clean pools and fold towels.
Paul Manafort is the only one who really knows what he is up to. What’s Stewart Stewie Rah-Rah Rahr been up to lately? Probably no good… maybe a little good, but mostly bad.
New documents detail more of the inner workings of that fraternal order, “Society for American Civic Renewal”.
It’s yet another Friday spent on the brink of a (partial) government shutdown, now with extra conservative “outrage!” By the time it was all over, there were threats of another motion to vacate the Speaker’s chair, though the situation was — as usual — mostly their own fault. And with Israeli PM Netanyahu possibly addressing Congress soon, it’s as good a time as any to remind everyone that the Speaker of the House needn’t be a Member.
Which makes a good enough segue to noting that the US has taken its first steps toward officially calling for a cease fire in Gaza, via the UN Security Council.
In new versions of old news, we’ve gotten a look at a White House valet’s testimony to the Jan. 6 committee. Republicans are hanging their hat (a dunce cap, really) on splitting hairs between this testimony and Cassidy Hutchinson’s.
Meanwhile, NY AG Letitia James has registered the fraud judgment against TFG with Westchester County, a move that facilitates the seizure of his assets there, including a golf club and mansion. Andy why not color that news with some baseless speculation about ways Trump can offend the judicial system and shock America’s conscience even further, in scheming to avoid payment? Let’s do it!
No week would be complete without reminding ourselves that Every Republican Accusation is a Confession™. This week brings us an example from crucial Waukesha Milwaukee County.
Many people are saying that if Merrick Garland were to walk off a cliff, he would do so with great care and precision.
Still others are saying that people may be jumping willy-nilly off cliffs to get out of Aileen Cannon’s chambers.
Those of you tuning in to hear David Waldman’s bracket picks might be disappointed today, but it is a good bet that Greg Dworkin will always be in KITM’s final four.
There’re big bargains in real estate starting this weekend! Sure, Trump National is right around the corner, but Mar-a-Lago could make a pretty nice World Headquarters for someone if the price was right. Of course, TFFG might have a few mortgages on each, and a few different people might already think they own them, so cash might be better. Too bad Trump’s ego has no resale value. Jonathan Turley really feels sorry for Donald, but Jonathan Turley is an idiot.
Donald Trump isn’t the only guy in a money pinch. Trump’s old buddy Rudy Giuliani has so many creditors up in his streams, he won’t need Flomax for a month. Rudy’s old buddy Lev Parnas testified on behalf of Democrats in the Joe Biden impeachment buffoonery, and literally pointed out a few of his old buddies… old comrades more precisely… in the Republican seats.
Trump set his mob on foot long ago, so no need to parse his words, words have no meaning for them anymore. One need only to talk to swing voters, and not many of them either. On the other hand, California’s Proposition 1 almost swung to failure this week.
80% of House Republicans want to cut Social Security and shut down the government. Democrats might be willing to support Ukraine aid in the form of a loan, if that will keep government going.
David pursues the topic of “stays” just a little bit longer, in order to clear up more of the legal fog, and reveal mess at the center of Texas law SB 4 .
Breaking news: Immediately following Greg Dworkin’s exposé on New Jersey’s county-line ballots, the New Jersey Legislature announced a redesign!
Yep, it is one of those Wednesdays after one of those Tuesdays. Did Donald Trump lose? Is Trump losing? Is there some small sign somewhere that he might lose? Let us not assume too much from polling at this time, because, well, when we assume… But! Just a few of those sweet, sweet Haley voters and...
Remember when Mike Pence’s affirmation was good as gold? This time no “endorsement” for Donald! Sure, “support”, of course, support, but Mike isn’t going to go overboard here. Michigan state Senator Ed McBroom was torn apart by MAGA for 99% loyalty to Trump and has since returned to 100% Trump says 2024 will be rigged. Will that reduce voter turnout? No. Trump’s mob has already had its rabble roused. A word of encouragement here or there is all they require at this point.
At least Sherrod Brown has a whack job to run against.
Jared Kushner knows that Gaza would be the world’s vacation destination, if it wasn’t for all those Gazans... Well, as luck would have it, a lot of prime real estate has been opening up recently.
Peter Navarro was locked up... kinda. See? It can be done. Now he plots his escape. Paul Manafort sort of went to prison also, but it looks as if he might be a recidivist, if Vlad Putin can pony up the cash.
David Waldman helps us understand the confusion in the nation’s courts. You may not be any less confused once you listen, but you’ll understand the confusion much better:
Stay! Ah, just a little bit longer... If states can’t be trusted to ban presidential candidates from their ballots, they probably shouldn’t be allowed to unilaterally declare wars upon foreign countries. Meanwhile, Eileen Cannon wants her jury to determine how dangerous classified information is, while remembering that Donald Trump has already determined how classified anything is and… Lawyers use technical terminology to describe Cannon’s judgment, such as “bizarre”, “insane”, “crazy”, “nuts” and “batshit”. Writ of mandamus, already, Jack. Other Trump cases are being described as “extraordinary”, “ill-advised” and “completely wacko”, but you know they can all be summed up with one word... or maybe two.
David Waldman presents today’s Springtime Fresh KITM.
When will Peter Navarro go to prison? Is he behind bars or still in the Papa John’s lot? Lock him up! By the way, is he allowed visitors? And what aboutStefanie Lambert, and the rest of the gang?
Did TFFG actually promise rally goers that they would bathe in blood? Not literally! Mike Pence doesn’t endorse getting spanked, but he does support it. Not... literally?
Today we learn that Joan McCarter knows a thing or two about herding cats. She and Mike Johnson know it can’t be done, especially in Johnson’s case, as those cats hate each other. Gops would rather do nothing than do anything, yet they need to do six things before the weekend! Perhaps some Democrats will help them out.
Representatives in Congress and the Senate have learned that they can ignore a lot if they pretend it doesn’t exist. SCOTUS has learned that if they pretend something does exist, they can make a judgement about it. Or, if something contradictory exists. At least 6 out of 9 times. Or, if they believe hard enough. And if they don’t believe enough, maybe they won’t make a judgement about it at all. Even the Supreme Court’s conservatives are fed up with the garbage coming out of the 5th Circuit.
Do Jewish people who don’t love Trump hate their religion? How about Jewish people who don’t love Israel? Seems to be an overgeneralization.
KITM has proven to be an overwhelming viral success! (For the viruses.) Rhinoviruses and coronaviruses are still no match for our heroes, David Waldman and Greg Dworkin, bringing us the latest news from around the world and greater New Jersey.
Andy Kim trounces Tammy Murphy at the Atlantic County Democratic convention, triggering a Jersey City Mayor Steve Fulop flipflop. Was the county-line ballot system fix in?
Meanwhile, broke-ass dotard Donald Trump promises a bloodbath if he is not elected. What could TFFG possibly mean by that… other than what he said? With Trump it’s never what he says as much as who he’s talking to, and what they will believe they need to do to please him.
Trump hopes to spring his best bath pourers out of prison, and replace them with whomever brings his Diet Coke late…
That’s it! Mike Pence draws the line and will not endorse Trump. Of course, Mike didn’t say he “wouldn’t vote” for Donald, dude’s got a wife and kids after all.
Turns out the FBI isn’t the woke bastion that everyone no one thought it was. When it was time to close in on Mar-a-Lago, MAGAs broke ranks. A Gop nominee wants a "firing squad" for liberals, and probably is also planning a bloodbath.
It’s not just the violent felons, Trump wants Paul Manafort back on his campaign too. Trump and Manafort go way back, not as far back as Manafort and Putin, but seeing how Putin just squeaked by on winning another term, Vlad is probably in a good mood to put Paul back on the payroll.
David Waldman guides us through the ides.
The big story today concerns Israel, which has been the big story over the lifetime of just about anyone reading this. How do Americans who are Jewish separate their religious, cultural, historical and family identities from Israel’s political, military and moral decisions? I don’t know! So, rather than me Presbyteriansplaining it all to you, let me pass on these links: My Grandfather the Zionist, and The Shoah after Gaza.
Being in Congress is about more than just getting elected, you’d think. But for Republicans, there really isn’t much more than the paycheck left to come in for, and even that isn’t enough for many.
Alexander Yackov Smirnov picked up $600,000 the year he fed false info to the FBI, but that’s hardly his only source of income.
Honest Don might get his lifelong wish, to die of old age before going to prison. President Joe Biden doesn't need guilty verdicts to win, but he sure could use a little more than he has at the moment. Voters still don’t have a clue about how much worse Trump’s second term would be.
Today David Waldman brings us the latest Pi news, which as it turns out, is constant.
Greg Dworkin remains on assignment, hopefully putting the final touches on his first-hand chronicle of the COVID-19 pandemic, an unfortunately enduring legacy of TFFG.
Lauren Boebert does not enjoy being screwed by fellow Colorado Republican Ken Buck one bit. Bad news for Lauren,five other House Republicansmight be following Ken shortly. Republicans attempt to screw each other so often, that most try to limit their private interactions to as few as possible.
Donald Trump might not be senile, brain damage from syphilis could cause similar symptoms, for instance. The new Trump RNC plans to lose, then sue.
Nazis are bad guys. There seems to be quite a lot of data available to back that up, and yet constant reminders still need to be advanced as new suckers continue to be born every minute. A lot of people knew about Judd Blevins, but whoops, they elected him as city commissioner in Oklahoma.
For years, Bibi Netanyahu convinced too many that he was trying to keep Israel from becoming radioactive, turns out he did just the opposite. Netanyahu has lost his way, and has even lost Chuck Schumer.
So, what do we do? Ban TikTok, a move to cut off our economy to spite China’s.
What’s happening today? Well, David Waldman does not use his fundie baby voice at all in today’s episode, but there is still much to recommend. Also, Greg Dworkin is away on assignment, but his Raft o’ Stories™ did wash up on KITM shores, therefore international maritime laws permit our salvage.
The Robert Hur hearing was hard on Republicans. They had hoped that Hur would do a Mueller on Joe Biden, and yet a Mueller requires a Barr... instead, lordy, there were transcripts. Honest Don says all of you are the senile ones.
There’s a new reason to think Trump still has classified documents, that you can place in a bankers box and stack right on top of all the others. Trump Employee 5, Brian Butler, had pangs of conscience and an aversion to the undercarriage of busses, and is now out there telling all and then some.
In Georgia, Judge McAfee dismissed 6 counts against Trump, kind of a bummer, but now the prosecution can concentrate on the good ones.
The Trump Supreme Court might have got a lot wrong in the Trump Section 3 case, but on the other hand, they couldn’t care less.
Wisconsin election denialists couldn’t deny Republican assembly speaker Robin Vos of his position.
Now Ken Buck is screwing Lauren Boebert ...and the rest of the House Gop!
Noted vaudevillian/podcaster David Waldman takes your policy questions and song requests today.
Hur der hur! Temporarily underemployed shill Robert Hur doesn’t seem to have the mind or memory for details that he had led us to believe. (The terrorist enclave previously known as “Twitter” keeps distracting me with this latest Gop Democratic PR bonanza.)
That’s all just a tiny break from the Donald Trump legal news. You might ask, how will TFFG pay for all of this? Well, God has written Donald some big checks lately, mostly with parishioner money, and yet He does have some mysterious sources of capital, too. The RNC will need to cut to the bone if they hope to afford their pending Trump bills.
New transcripts show Trump setting Jan 6 insurrectionists on foot and loading his lazy ass into an armored SUV to lead them. Trump lawyers hope he’ll shut his dotard mouth for just one second at his NYC criminal trial. Speaking of long sentences, Seth Meyers sums Donald up in one, while Trump just refers to himself as “Honest Don”.
At least Peter Navarro goes to prison this month.
The “Society for American Civic Renewal” is what they call the “fraternal organization” behind the Claremont Institute warlord think tank. The Supreme Court botched the legal reasoning and relied heavily on dubious policy arguments, so sue them, why don’t you?
It’s Monday, the day of the week David Waldman invites Greg Dworkin to tell him and us what just happened.
A strong union town in California, Hollywood, honored many of its hired hands last night in a big gala event. Host Jimmy Kimmel won the approval of everyone, with the exception of a washed-up disgruntled former employee.
Probably not destined for an acting career was Senator Katie Britt, whose SOTU response was the stuff of legends. Not just her performance, her kitchen set, and herfundie baby voice come off fake, but Britt’s lying and manipulation were jarringly lame as well. Of course, this moves Katie up a few notches in the VP nomination race.
As usual, Joe Biden gave another great speech laying out the stark contrasts and dire stakes, and as always, pundits act as if that was his first time. People donating were absolutely listening though. Meanwhile, Donald Trump loves despots, cultivates lawsuits, remains a dotard. Boy, when people learn about all of this, and word gets out to MAGA… well, it won’t make much of a difference at all… but every vote counts, huh?
It does seem that you can talk sense over and over and over and barely get through to people, but you can hope that maybe you are blazing the trail for those youngsters following in your footsteps.
David Waldman missed President Joe Biden’s State of the Union speech live last night. That’s ok, somebody probably recorded it, and he can watch their copy.
David missed Joe giving them hell. This might have been Biden’s long-awaited pivot point! It is definitely his Republican talking point’s pivot from “Sleepy!” to “He’s so mean to us!”, which is a good thing. Now the talk can move from vibes, to issues, from rhetoric to solutions, for you know, “kitchen table issues”…
Which brings us to the Gop SOTU Rebuttal, which used a “kitchen”, sort of, with a couple of added props, including one that talked and said very kitchen-y things. Of course, their viewership doesn’t usually require that much in production value, as long as they can hear their secret catch-phrases. Like when they heard that a migrant finally killed a pretty white girl, they probably popped champagne over at RNC headquarters.
Another pretty white girl, Sydney Sweeney, confused MAGA by being “funny”, and they just don’t get jokes. Sweeney recently appeared on Saturday Night Live, and on that very show they said the word “boobs” at least twice, so all is forgiven. Sydney can keep supporting Hollywood’s vast freelance under caste.
Are you better off now than four years ago? Donald Trump definitely was. Trump will finally pay his legal fees and bail bonds, at least once the RNC’s checks clear. Unfortunately for Steve KG Bannon, he’s not on Laura Trump’s gift list.
Lastly, let’s look in on the Michigan Republican Party and their evil twin, still locked in a death grip, yet not quite off the edge of the cliff.
Against all odds, David Waldman made it to airtime at KITM World Headquarters this morning. We were all rooting for him. No worries, Greg Dworkin had the opening monologue down and was waiting in the wings.
The state of Joe Biden is strong, and making that clear to America is just one of the president’s goals in tonight’s SOTU. The challenge is making those points to 21st century voters from a 19th century venue when his audience has the memory of goldfish.
Republicans are supplying last-minute material to add to Biden’s script. Mike Johnson is defunding the police. Donald Trump is warmongering in Gaza. Plenty of lines to draw between parties to start off election season.
What lines need to be drawn to capture voters from Trump? Nikkki Haley has a few Trump-hesitants she might send Biden’s way. Most won’t, but some may, and at least Joe’s asking them. (You got to hope someone on Dem’s payroll speaks Spanish.) Then there’s Dean Phillips golden touch…
Every voter counts, but you can also be certain that the voters you don’t want wouldn’t be coming over anyhow. Those people are making America great again by eliminating Black people, Jewish people, LGBTQ people, and female people and will be voting for people like North Carolina’s Mark Robinson and Michele Morrow.
Katie Porter lost her primary because of the rich and their money rigging.
Arizona issues subpoenas on their 2020 Trump election probe, and we can thank Covid deniers for that. Meanwhile, Trump’s Supreme Court helps Trump delay as much as they can.
Bibi Netanyahu is in trouble for killing more people, again.
It’s… Wednesday. That’s the day David Waldman and Greg Dworkin usually reserve for discussing Tuesdays, and even “super” ones aren’t able to escape their scrutiny.
Donald Trump won again. So did Joe Biden, soundly beating Barack Obama. Joe was no match however for Jason Palmer, who came from behind to… stay behind. Trump no longer has Nikkki Haley to kick around anymore... Who are we kidding? Donald Trump has just begun to kick around Nikkki Haley. Hey, but what about Haley’s supporters? Where will they go? Uhm… To Donald Trump, of course. We aren’t kidding anybody about that either. (Anyone who wants to vote for Joe is welcome just the same.)
It’s on! The primaries that never were are finally over, and people might finally act like there’s an election happening and become informed. The paper of record, the New York Times, might not be the place to go, as they have tended to omit some important stuff lately.
After thoughtful consultation with his China-loving wife, Coco Chow, Mitch McConnel is giving Trump his full support. Biden, nevertheless has Dean Phillips clout, maybe. It’s hard to tell. Trump-allied election groups burned through millionsfor Donald during the primaries, but there’s plenty of suckers where they came from.
Kyrsten Sinema “retires”. Some despised Sinema, and yet others detested her. Most could agree still that as a Democratic Senator, Kyrsten Sinema was worse than nothing. Kyrsten Sinema thought Kyrsten Sinema was the bee’s knees nonetheless. And, some say that no one could reach across the aisle better than she.
Meanwhile, David gets back into the nuts and bolts of the Supreme Court, and unfortunately finds more nuts than bolts.
It’s supposed to be some big important day today, special at least as Tuesdays go, kind of like the “Superbowl of Tuesdays”... It doesn’t feel too special though. It feels like a day to get out of the way so that we can get serious, pay attention, and move forward. So, let’s.
For a unanimous decision, the Supreme Court decision on TFFG ballot disqualification sure did not seem so harmonious. Liberal judges’ concurrence now seems more like forced acquiescence. David Waldman joins control-F sleuths in spotting the dissent literally between the lines.
It’s Tuesday, so Republicans are shutting down government, or about to, and Joan McCarter is here to tell us how that’s going. If Gops were half as incompetent they’d be twice as dangerous. Republicans would do anything to protect IVF for instance, but haven’t yet figured out how to vote “yes”, as just voting “no” and taking the credit has worked so well for them in the past.
March fourth! David Waldman leads us into a new, hopefully better, month.
Yep, the polls aren’t “great”. Greg Dworkin reminds us that it is still primary season, sort of, and there is good news if you look hard enough, and the felonious dotard still has it worse, and you know more than those people anyhow.
You knew that the courts wouldn’t save us from Donald Trump, and the Trump Supreme Court confirmed that, 9-0. Again, if you look at it hard enough, there’s some nuance.
Allen Weisselberg pleads guilty to perjury for lying at Trump’s fraud trial, meaning that more people could get in trouble, or maybe fewer will lie for Trump.
Not fewer Russians, however. That number willexplode this year, even without Mitch McConnell’s help, but there’s millions ready to make America Русский.
Vice President Kamala Harris is getting things done in Israel, even if she has to go around Bibi Netanyahu to do it.
David Waldman ends the week, begins the month, concludes business and gets this party started.
The Senate passed a spending bill, pushing the shutdown down one week. After all, when Joan McCarter comes to KITM each week, it only makes sense.
The Boebert crime family is perhaps outscoring the Palin crime family… the math part would be tough on either set... but Tyler Boebert might soon have MVP locked up in felony convictions. Tyler’s stealing from a woman saving up for brain tumor surgery might not go over well with the jury. He might get sympathy still as a new father, but not with his co-defendant who he made the sex tape with.
Hunter Biden went into a closed-door résumé-measuring contest yesterday and came out the clear winner, though he’s certainly no Jared Kushner.
Donald Trump tried to art-of-the-deal Judge Arthur Engoron from $400 million down to $100 million. Judge Engoron passed on the chance to be the loser-chump punchline for the next several Trump rallies and turned him down. Always a man of subtle nuance, Donald explains that he’s too rich to pay $88 million, yet too poor for anything over a hundred.
The founders of Truth Social actually thought they’d be the first ones to enter a relationship with Donald Trump and not be cheated.
When Trump isn’t cheating, he is evading or delaying, that’s it. His entire life experience demonstrates that the system was built to accommodate his parasitical nature. TFFG is now appealing/evading/delaying an Illinois judge’s ruling removing him from the primary ballot.
Constitutional lawyers are being chilled and having their socks knocked off. Are today’s constitutional scofflaws making it impossible to teach, or should their professors have taught them to better behave back when they were students?
Should Joe Biden tell the public what the government knows about Trump's collusion, or should Russian hackers?
Happy Bissextile Day! Wave your Bissextile Day flags! Had David Waldman just ran KITM a little overtime for perhaps fewer than only 9 minutes each day we wouldn’t have had to do today’s show, yet here we are.
And a good thing, too, we need a whole new show, with Greg Dworkin and Armando on hand just to describe and dissect the Supreme Court’s worst dick move since... well, it probably is their worst dick move ever.
“Hey, what about Donald Trump’s other immunity claim?”, you might ask, and so has the other judge in Trump’s pocket, Aileen Cannon. And, “What about Anwar Nasser Abdulla al-Awlaki?”, David asks, but you know that question will be coming up more often. It appears that broke-ass dotard will remain our problem through the election.
In the meantime, MAGA is setting up to make America more Alabaman. Mitch McConnell is leaving now that he’s certain that he couldn’t make anything worse.
David Waldman and Greg Dworkin’s Wednesday Raft O’ Stories™ must have had some kind of boiler explosion. Bits of news are raining down everywhere:
A chemistry teacher in New Mexico passed out swords to students (who no doubt still pronounce the “w” in swords) and had them fight. Probably for the first time in her class, lessons were learned.
Donald Trump coughed up almost $400 thousand to the New York Times. Donald is too just rich/poor, and that cough isn’t getting better.
For most anyone, the choice of trolley track between blastocysts and babies is an easy one. Gops worry about running over their paychecks. Of course, they have other concerns, too.
Dollar store Sarah Palin, Lauren Boebert has a son who has rolled up 22 criminal charges between teen knock-ups.
Kenneth Chesebro can’t help that people followed the advice of BadgerPundit, which he authored, then emailed to them.
A Lubbock Texas judge decided that a 2022 federal spending bill was unconstitutional because of its COVID proxy vote. The Federal Supreme Court does not care. The loonies who commandeered the Michigan Ottawa County government won’t be allowed to throw their county health officer overboard after trying for 13 months.
Schrödinger's Gop chair Kristina Karamo is no longer chair of the Michigan Republican Party, and yet still is there.
The sham around the Fani Willis persecution is fading, and just in time, as Fani's eyes couldn’t have kept rolling for much longer.
Another climatic, cliff-hanging, nail-biter of a primary is in the history books, and… Marianne Williamson is back, baby! Maybe not. Definitely not for Dean Phillips. Donald Trump is where he always is, underperforming. Joe Biden is where he always is, overperforming. “Uncommitted” overperformed as well, make that what you will, and plenty are already making that what they will, which is more than it really is, actually.
It’s Tuesday and David Waldman has some stuff to lay on us, KITM-wise.
Don Jr. received death threats and a suspicious powder in the mail, but who would guess they’d both be in the same envelope?
Elon Musk hasn’t killed many, at least as evil billionaires go, but it’s still pretty early. Hyperloop tunnel chemical sludge, for instance, might take years to make a real impact actuarially.
Sure, Clarence Thomas’ shameless avarice and evident corruption is hilarious, but isn’t it also illegal? Of course, the call now goes out for John Oliver’s arrest.
Donald Trump owes the court about a half of a billion dollars, but who can put a price on such publicity? And delay? Well… presumably the courts.
That is why Trump has hired some to the greatest legal minds to represent him. Minds like Kenneth Chesebro, who stayed above the legal fray, and out of reach of felony election subversion, by donning a novelty mustache and a fake Twitter account in order to provide his most treasonous counsel.
Like the first robin of spring, Joan McCarter’s appearance is a harbinger of an imminent government shutdown, or at least of unremitting Republican dysfunction. Today, Joan heralds both, as Gops threaten each other along with the eponymous and titular State of the Union.
Unfortunately, there is plenty for David Waldman and Greg Dworkin to talk about today, Fortunately, we get to hear them say it.
Today, if you find you’re still having difficulty deciding on whether your trolley would be best routed over 10,000 frozen zygotes or a baby, you just might be a Republican trying to figure out how to hold onto your job, because of course, no actual normal human would have this quandary.
No normal people attend CPAC. Nex Benedict’s death following Libs of TikTok rhetoric was just blood in the water for them. Tennessee now senses this is the time to take out Obergefell.
Donald Trump won the South Carolina primary, as the polls continue to show he’s big with his base, but not so much otherwise. Even a few Trump supporters might be stripped away if things get worse for him. Well, that too is how Republicans tend to see Joe Biden, and they have Putin on their side... On the other hand, Dems have Nickki Haley fighting for them…
Excitement, thrills, suspense, but most of all chaos comes to primary season for the Republican primary, and convention, in Michigan.
The House Select Committee on the Chinese Communist Party wonders which side Elon Musk might be on.
Sure, Don Bolduc lied about voter fraud in 2020, and then lied about that, but isn’t that what he is supposed to do? Don’t confuse the baseless GOP impeachment push with the debunked one, although the authors wouldn’t mind. Bill Barr’s assignment led to a Biden impeachment effort based on a lie.
In a flash, David Waldman appears, vanishing again two hours later. Where does David come from? Where does he go? Some say… the living room couch. Nevertheless, with each visit Mr. Waldman will present to us a mysterious, yet valuable gift… let’s open it, shall we?
James Comer and Jim Jordan may seem like idiots now, and they are, but they are smart enough to know that Democrats will let them and Russia Russia Russia get away with it yet again, because as they and Putin are well aware, most of us are the kind of idiots who will let them get away with it.
Ace KITM Correspondent Rosalyn MacGregor reports that there remains at least one too many MIGops as local officials continue their efforts to exile the rogue Kristina Karamo regime.
From the “Truth is Stranger than Russian Disinformation” department: Dean Phillips is still running for president. A consultant for Phillip’s campaign hired a New Orleans magician to impersonate President Joe Biden using AI tech. Dean Phillips has now offered to be Nikki Haley’s Vice-Presidential choice... Believe it or not!
It’s Thursday and David Waldman and Greg Dworkin are back, with not just one, but two topics for today!
James Comer and Jim Jordan are having a tough time impeaching Joe Biden, as the President committed no impeachable offenses, convincing anyone that he did would require someone to lie convincingly, and James and Jim remain quite the dunces. Somehow those two seem positively perspicacious compared to TV’s Tucker Carlson and Sean Hannity. Certainly, they are all Putin’s useful idiots, but at what point does stupidity end and sedition begin?
Alabama says frozen embryos are people... tenth of a millimeter long people. Why not ban birth control, or recreational sex? No, you will not find a “middle ground”. MAGA wants a Christian Nationalist USA. Gops are legislating a Christian Nationalist USA. And if you don’t think they have a lot of support, then you probably do not attend their church. You can’t expect all of their wives to get abortions before they figure out what matters for others.
Hope you like the nitty-gritty. Today on KITM, David Waldman welcomes Greg Dworkin and Armando to really dig into it:
Boom goes Burisma! Joe’s brother James Biden arrived in Washington today to laugh in Gop faces as their most corroborating star witness Alexander Yakov Smirnov was indicted by the DOJ and described by the FBI as a serial liar, and has been revealed to have had extensive contact with Russian, Russian, Russian agents. Republicans assure us that outside of all the evidence that they have no evidence, they have only begun to reveal the vast stores of evidence that they don’t have… Hey did you see those foot-long strips of cocaine under that table saw?
Hur dur hur… How did Merrick Garland ever mistake a Trump hitman for a career prosecutor?
Expert at law, Donald Trump, continues to hone his expertise, and there might be no end to how much he can learn.
It’s not just Trump… and Comer, and Jordan colluding with Russia, plans are afoot to transform the United States so that even Tucker Carlson won’t see the difference.
David Waldman marks the 20th day since, well, since February started, on today’s special KITM.
Here we are, counting down the days until another government shutdown. Would Republicans know one was coming if we didn’t keep track? Would anyone notice if they just shut down the Republican half?
The Republican National Committee is following in the clown shoes of the Michigan Republican Party, except even Trumpier. In fact, the goal is to make it 100% Trump.
We are all victims of Trump’s fraud. It’s kind of nice to see that finally includes Donald Trump. Trump’s grift, on the other hand opens the door for all sorts of new grift. Elena Cardone has all sorts of privilege, which gives her all sorts of entitlement to MAGA rubes cash. Maybe Ukraine should start a GoFundMe.
Of course, there is no bigger victim than Donald Trump. Not Ukraine, not Aleksei Navalny. Maybe Clarence Thomas, but don’t worry about Clarence, his new friend John Oliver has his back.
Tennessee Representative Tim Burchett took a break from impeaching Hunter Biden to putting a target on a Kansas City Chiefs fan’s back.
There goes the neighborhood! Explosions get ever closer to KITM World Headquarters, yet David Waldman is undeterred, debuting Kagro’s Poetry Korner on KITM. Today’s KPK recounts Solomon Grundy and Baseball's Sad Lexicon, the latter in wistful homage to Wisconsin Democratic Govenor Tony Evers’ decision to sign new legislative maps, ending years of Gop gerrymandering, assisted by the Gop legislature who wanted to avoid Democratic gerrymandering... which is certainly one way to achieve fair elections.
Greg Dworkin rows his Raft o’ Stories™ ashore, hallelujah, with the serenity to accept the things that cannot change, the courage to change the things that can, and the wisdom to know the difference.
Meanwhile, Republicans have ruptured into five factions, which still isn't enough to hold them all. Michigan leads the way in Gop cautionary tales (that they’ll ignore) and Dem success stories (that they’ll ignore). Michigan just became the first state in 6 decades to scrap an infamous anti-union law, while Christian racist rapper Josh Shriver loses a little but not a lot sticking to his “great replacement” stance.
TFFG, Worst President in American History, Sneaker Con, and soon to be the World's First Negative Billionaire, Donald Trump may see his reputation eventually deteriorate to the point that he isn’t elected president again. (Don’t count on it.)
Oh yes, it’s also Presidents Day, which commemorates George Washington declaring half-off on his truth-telling.
For the price of a cup of coffee… or just send him coffee, and David Waldman will deliver an endless (2 hours) supply of entertainment and information.
In Putin’s Russia, you don’t assassinate president, president assassinate you! Unfortunately for Alexei Navalny, he never qualified for the 5th floor window express favored by many high-ranking Russian officials and oligarchs. Alexi’s passing steals Tucker Carlson’s opportunity to interview Navalny to make certain that he got both sides of the Russia story.
FBI informant Alexander Yakov Smirnov has been charged with yacking falsely and falsifying records in order to frame Hunter Biden and his dad. The DOJ has announced that the Biden bribe allegations were false... and just as the Fox-Comer impeachment investigations were getting hot! This involvement might go further up the right-wing media/government chain than just Smirnov, too.
To even mention it by name might give it more power than it deserves, at least until the people responsible for 2000 Mules are sentenced, then I might mention it once more.
Matt Gaetz is normally opposed to diversity, equity and inclusion, except when it comes to the young ladies he hires for sex parties, when all is cool, and chill, and there’s plenty of candy to go around.
It’s Thursday and David Waldman and Greg Dworkin are here asking questions that you didn’t know you had, with answers that you didn’t know you needed. But now you do!
We remain under a cloud of mass shootings. The Kansas City Super Bowl Parade shooting took place on the 6th anniversary of the Parkland shooting. And it took place on the 16th anniversary of the Northern Illinois University shooting. And 2 days ago, was the anniversary of the Michigan State shooting. And next Monday will be 12 years since Alabama-Huntsville and 2 years since Portland and 17 since Bethel Alaska and… pretty cloudy.
It’s all a nightmare, but at least we have Gop failure to cheer us. MAGA is a schadenfreude conveyor belt overflowing with potentially endless delights whipped up by Chef de Àne Donald Trump and his bumbling assistant Mike Johnson. It’s not all Republicans stepping on rakes and falling into their own Burmese Tiger traps, though. A lot of this is happening because Democrats are beating them. It’s time for President Joe Biden to reveal that there’s a sun behind the clouds.
Apparently, Republicans cribbed their ideas from Eastern Europe.
In the meantime, Donald Trump heads from all of his civil courts to the first of his criminal courts this March 25.
Pete Hoekstra takes over the Authentic No. 1 Michigan Republican Party, just down the street from Kristina Karamo’s A-1 Original Michigan Republican Party.
Republicans probably expect that Russian space nukes might overshadow all of their bad news… and they could be correct. The Mayorkas impeachment has done all of the damage that they could expect to get out of it.
Let’s pop a couple for William “Bill” Post, inventor of the Pop Tart and quite possibly a Keebler Elf...
It’s Ash Wednesday and Valentine’s Day! If you thought those holidays would keep David Waldman and Greg Dworkin from the KITM microphone you’d be mistaken. Anyhow, Soros has body doubles stored for just such an emergency.
Well, wasn’t that special? Tom Suozzi flips George Santos' district back to blue. The polls were wrong again, but in the right direction, therefore pollsters may be lauded for their wisdom, and so may Democrats, which is even better.
The only things certain for Donald Trump are death and prison. Generations have passed watching Trump’s lawyers struggle to hold it to that order while the clock keeps on ticking. While Jack Smith, like most of us, is in more of a hurry, Aileen Cannon doesn’t mind how long anyone waits, or how many die waiting for justice to arrive.
Peter Navarro is heading to prison. And if you find out when, let us know.
Kenneth Chesebro’s brilliant ideas will be the reason a lot of people will be looking at jail time.
The details in the Robert Menendez case become more outrageous every day, raising the question of had Bob been slightly less outrageous, would he have been caught, and how many others get away by being just “slightly” outrageous?
Meanwhile, the Senate stands by Ukraine, except for neutered lapdog Lindsey Graham, still yipping away on the Senate floor, and now House Pomeranian Mike Johnson, who has the nasty habit of impeaching on his floor.
David Waldman presents a special Mardi Gras KITM! Find the fève, win a prize!
Jesus Christ! Super Bowl! Hobby Lobby’s MAGA million mind control!
Robert Hur went Comey on Joe Biden last week and the staff over at the NYT haven’t stopped drooling since. Hur is now a MAGA hero, and MAGA is Hur’s cash cow. Facts, conjecture, lies, they’re all cash in Bob’s pocket and blood in the water for “journalists”.
Donald Trump is so happy that last week went so well, he’ll hardly notice the $83.3 million bill in his mail this week.
Had Mike Pence only played along, Trump lawyers could have made January 6 last for weeks.
Dems want to win today’s special elections to keep the Joe-mentum into November.
Joan McCarter’s here to talk Gop Congressional disfunction. Sad! But also, not Dem’s fault. The Senate is also in the clear after passing an Israel, Ukraine aid package. It’s now Mike Johnson’s to lose, and lose he shall.
It was a big weekend!
There was a big football game (and a cultural history of the league), which Joe Biden somehow won, plus just a hint at the collapse of the post-war global order! And I mean, like, the whole thing.
That was a lot for Greg Dworkin to round up, but it wasn’t all about the weekend. There’s a very special special election coming too, for the seat briefly occupied by George Santos. Or whatever his name was.
There was, of course, more fallout over the Hur report. Or whatever you’d call that thing.
Speaking of Hur, people are grumbling again about how, somehow, only Republicans are allowed to be special counsels. Bending over backwards to be “fair” just doesn’t seem… fair anymore. I mean, what’s an insurrectionist gotta do to get arrested in this town?
TFG’s fascist xenophobia continues unabated, further driving his party’s meltdown. Did you know the Gop hasn’t been in this much disarray since the 80s? Things are so crazy, the Congress might even pass a bill!
David Waldman fortifies us for our weekend with an extra dose of vitamin KITM:
Yesterday was a good day for Donald Trump, and if it was a good day for anyone else, that would be purely unintentional. TV cameras on SCOTUS would’ve revealed the Justices rolling up their Candy Crush scores as lawyers for whomever said whatever. After consideration and debate they will, of course, rule for state’s rights, or not, whatever. Last year Judge Matthew Kacsmaryk ruled against distribution of the abortion pill based on debunked and retracted science. When it comes to the Supremes it should then be an excellent opportunity for the Justices to beat their Roblox records.
Joe Biden was cleared on charges related to his handling of classified documents, breaking the heart of special counsel Robert Hur, who managed to stick a thumb or two into Joe’s eyes on his way out the door to place a couple of downpayments on a few big things. The White House press corps swooped in to get a piece of the President, underestimating Biden, as usual.
Brownshirts wearing red berets assaulted people on live TV, Fox approved. Gops will do anything that TFFG says because they fear retribution, not understanding that Donald inflicts pain because it’s fun. MAGA gets it. The caravan convoy (Convoy = White, heading south. Caravan = Brown, heading north) at the border are heavily armed and drugged and are down for just that kind of fun.
A Florida man found out that his father was vaccinated and he bludgeoned him to death. Last week, a guy found out that his father was a federal employee and decapitated him. Pretty soon that particular demographic will be microtargeted with their own political ads, featuring voiceovers supplied by the voice of the parent they most recently killed. Robocalls with artificially created fake Joe Bidens will be looked back on with nostalgia in the distant future... maybe 6 months from now.
It’s all falling apart for Republicans. They might even be in disarray! But since their voters don’t appear to want anything done, we’re not sure yet whether they’ll get away with it. They may fare worse among Republican Senators than they do with the voters. Those guys just seem to want chaos, and always have, just like Greg Dworkin says.
To no one’s surprise, the bluff was called and the “border bill” tanked. There’s just not much about the immigration situation that stands up to scrutiny, even among the true believers. And the situation is much the same with their other stunt, the “impeachment” of Alejandro Mayorkas. Not that that’s likely to stop them.
Remember that Nevada primary? Well, it may never have been much of a contest, but it was no sleeper of an event!
Meanwhile, the SCOTUS took up the 14th Amendment disqualification issue today, right smack in the middle of the show. Though they very courteously waited until the last segment to get to the good stuff. Once they did get rolling, though, we were introduced to TFG’s most odious lawyer yet.
Elsewhere in the country, it seems New Hampshire’s primary notched the first AI-faked robocalls of the season. New Yorkers found out you can shoot beat up a guy in the middle of 5th Avenue 42nd Street and not lose any votes even get a ticket. And everybody else found out that where Chaya Raichik goes, bomb threats follow.
David Waldman and Greg Dworkin haul in Wednesday’s raft o’stories almost overladen with wacky.
First, the thing driving Republicans crazy this morning and for the foreseeable future, besides Taylor Swift, is that gnawing realization that they might not be the smartest people... or even the “smart” people in the room.
On Donald Trump’s orders, Gops shot themselves in the foot on immigration, making their one strength their biggest weakness. Their Mayorkas impeachment vote was hilarious. MAGA Mike and Marge want a do-over where they can count out loud and not get messed up in the big numbers.
It turns out that TFFG is not above the law, but as with Covid, still more immune than one would hope. At least, he continues to be great at holding off the inevitable. Whatever’s decided, Matt Gaetz and Elise Stefanik have decided it wasn’t. Trump’s lawyer also hopes to put in a good word for machine guns. In Donald’s New York civil-fraud trial, Alan Weisselberg is once a liar, probably always a liar.
Meanwhile, in the Nevada primary (and caucus) Republicans prefer Trump, or they prefer nothing at all. Nikkki Haley came in third. Donald is still sure it’s all rigged.
Florida Rep Jason Shoaf wants to see Florida men hunt and kill more bears, especially if they are crack smoking black (urban) bears, which are apparently smarter and higher than the average country bear.
It’s Tuesday, so it’s David Waldman and Joan McCarter put a good half hour into figuring out Republican strategy this year, which is about double what the Gops have done, and they regret even doing that much. Their problem is that they got what they demanded, so now they have no choice but to reject it. Mitch McConnell killed the bipartisan border bill 3 hours after supporting it. Mike Johnson backstabbed the Senate so he could kill it.
Dick Durbin cannot do wrong, so Dems cannot do right.
Now that the hard stuff is out of the way, Republican lawmakers can return to their first priority, impeaching someone. House Democrats aren’t about to let it become too easy however. Probably a few Republicans won’t either. Impeachment onanist Marge Greene hangs around in the Men’s room trying to hone her Vice-Presidential skills.
Guess what? U.S. Court of Appeals has finally rejected TFFG’s claim of presidential immunity. Hopefully this will speed up the judicial process, but don’t get your hopes up. What’s wrong with a little judicial process anyway? Historians just wish we’d learn to quit repeating history.
Ronny Jackson wants to stop aid to the West Bank and Gaza because he’s afraid to travel. Ronny and Ted Cruz need to learn to Skype more.
10 Oregon Gop state senators took 6 weeks off, and now they can’t run for reelection.
Yes, for maybe a decade now we at KITM have been kind of obsessed. Our entire focus is, it would seem, one name, over and over. You’d think that name was the only one we know... but not today.
Last night, Tracy Chapman made the ‘80’s great again. And Céline Dion. And, OK, we should mention Taylor Swift once more.
David Waldman and Greg Dworkin try to make it feel like a normal Monday.
Oh, and another guy we talk about, Donald Trump, is ahead in the polls… But what does that really mean anyway? Quality polls have Donald in the lead by only a little bit… Then there’s Joe Biden’s blowout win! …against Dean Phillips and… Marianne Williamson. Sure, turnout was a bit low, but that’s not the point! The point is, a lot of women hate Trump. And union members. Trump’s going to be convicted, and doesn’t that matter? And, the Mooch says he’ll be low on money! And twenty-five historians agree that if Salmon P. Chase were still Chief Justice, things would be a lot different for TFFG, you bet! Even E. J. Dionne, Jr. believes Trump should be off the ballot… not ahead in the polls… As we whistle through this graveyard, let the Keith Number, or even the Armando Number help cheer our tune.
J.D. Vance hustled the Overton window down the field quite a way before being tackled by George Stephanopoulos on Sunday.
Democrats are having trouble even taking George Santos’ seat, because of Great Neck, New York’s fear of Mexican caravans. That is why House Gops would never accept a border deal, no matter how good it was, how much they got out of it, or who wrote it.
At least a couple of Republicans have been inconvenienced lately. Nancy Mace is an awful representative, but a terrible manager. Ted Cruz needs a security detail to keep the hoi polloi away from him when he vacations in Cancun.
Okay, campers, rise and shine — and don't forget your booties 'cause it's coooooold out there today! Wait, it’s not so bad this year… Maybe that’s a symbol we’re turning a corner, a new Spring of understanding, empathy, a blossoming of… Or, global warming. Either way, you know David Waldman and KITM will always return.
When the FBI searched Mar-a-Lago, staff tried the “That locked door behind the dresser? Oh, that’s nothing.” gambit, and it worked. That was some Obi Wan move by Trump valet Walt Nauta, who, like his boss, usually works his magic via blackmail. (And by “magic”, I mean “sexual assault”.)
For Donald Trump, the only true friend is a well-blackmailed friend. Bribery only works in the short term. Christopher Steele found plenty of evidence of both, and Trump’s lawsuit against him has been thrown out.
MAGA followers flourish like mushrooms, kept in the dark and fed bullshit… It is amazing to witness their first glimpse of sunlight. Anti-LGBT in the streets, enthusiast in the sheets Bridget Ziegler did sometimes object to her husband Christian’s values.
Arizona Gops are tired of endless vote recounts and are proposing that they just win from now on. Meanwhile in federal governing, Republicans find that the best way to get anything done is to have Democrats do it.
A U.S. tech mogul used nonprofits to sow Chinese propaganda, when there were probably cheaper methods available.
David Waldman and Greg Dworkin start the month off right, or more or less “left”, which is a pretty good place to start.
Our top news story for today: Taylor Swift, or as I call her, “Tay-Tay”, because of her Japan-Nevada Superbowl body double... It is tough coming up with better/worse conspiracies than the ones MAGA have. Those folks would be pretty hilarious if some of them weren’t killing people.
Not only with beheadings either, but drownings have been becoming popular recently. As long as he can cash a check, Greg Abbott will be a genocider. All Abbott needs to remember is the difference between a “caravan” and a “convoy”, and “military-aged” and “tomato picking-aged” men. An Indiana state representative didn’t know the difference between opening up his coat and opening up his pants when consoling high school students, not that there would be much difference as far as he was concerned.
Dotard Donald Trump isn’t aware that he lost $83.3 million recently, but frankly, with MAGA he will never need to be. Jefferson Davis was allowed to eventually retire to his New Orleans Mar-a-Lago, but then again Jeff still had friends. Nikkki Haley used to be Donald’s friend… then again maybe she still is, it’s hard to tell. Some people will say anything.
For instance: “President Biden will win re-election by a thin margin with an average voter turnout” (Someone was PAID to say that.) 51% say a Trump conviction would affect their vote, how many of them would then say “the court was rigged”? Perhaps 100% of those who want to say that. (100% of all polls should have the Keith Number attached) That said, if you like good Biden news, they have good Biden news. The real important numbers always follow a dollar sign though, and those numbers look bad for TFFG.
It’s Wednesday! Not a post-primary Wednesday, but aren’t they all post-primary Wednesdays from now on? Not if Greg Dworkin has anything to say about it, and he has a lot to say about it to David Waldman on today’s KITM. First — MAGA goes full incel by Taylor Swift-boating the Superbowl, the Music Industry, Americana, love and all that is good in the world. Many great men, tears in their eyes, reassured Donald that he’s at least twice as F’-able as Taylor. But I digress. Back to very stable genius Donald Trump and the Republican primary. The primary seems to be wrapped up, but should TFFG get wrapped up in either court cases or a straitjacket, old pal Nikkki Haley will be right there waiting in the wings to take over. Trump’s Supreme Court is working overtime to figure a way out for their guy and themselves on the 14th Amendment issue. It would seem cut and dry, but Trump’s newest Lawyers (Bye, Alina!) have plenty of hijinks yet to pull. Meanwhile, Trump’s House tries and tries and tries to impeach Homeland Security Secretary Alejandro Mayorkas, or somebody, anybody really. It’s either that or a civil war, maybe both. You think Gops are bad, you should see their constituents. Hopefully you’ll see them before they see you. Germany is catching on, finally, to the threat everyone warned them about, yet for some reason they could Nazi coming. Then again, over here Nancy Pelosi links pro-Palestine protesters to China and Russia and people goof on her, instead of considering that she might just have information that they don't.
I know we don’t really care about Lauren Boebert very much, but it’s funny that she moved from the 3rd district to the 4th district, and came in 5th. And this despite having some other, equally f*@k3d-up Republicans as her opponents.
On the 14th Amendment front, former MT Gov. and RNC Chair Marc Racicot argues for disqualification. Meanwhile, the guy who would be disqualified is outraged that the court trying him for fraud was worried that he might still be committing fraud, and was of course correct about that.
One of TFG’s favorite propaganda outfits, henceforth to be known as the “Un-American News Network,” was essentially rigging their stories about their belief that the elections were rigged.
The Great Hero of the Jade Helm Resistance has imagined a new and more glorious battle for himself, which will call for Insurrection Act reform and is instigating a constitutional crisis as well. And as Joan McCarter reminds us, House Republicans intend to cap it off with a yargle bargle-level “impeachment.” It might be just a distraction from the normal work of governing that they’re used to ignoring, but this one probably won’t last long. But meanwhile, our own government doesn’t get funded, and allies feeling the heat overseas don’t get help either. Apparently, much to the delight of Hungary’s wackadoodle fascists.
It’s enough to make you think all the Republicans are on (stolen) drugs. That stuff can make you bonkers!
Well, apparently there was no news this weekend other than Taylor Swift and the football guy. But Greg Dworkin was convinced that other things happened. Oh, here’s some news: Trump is terrible. I mean, just the worst. Only slightly worse than his supporters, of course.
Speaking of those terrible people, they are — with no sense of irony — headed to the border in their own caravan of chaos. Meanwhile in Washington, Gop officialdom won’t take yes for an answer. Of course, if the courts say it, they won’t take no, either.
We may be about to find out how not-rich Trump really is. (Let’s see if Wall Street types love him then.) And any time is a good time to find out how not-on-the-ballot he should be. And have you heard about this White House pharmacy thing? Well, there’s more! Or actually, less. I mean, seriously, they looted the place! And I’m starting to think maybe Elise Stefanik got into the fentanyl.
Random other notes: the burghers of Germany turn out for anti-fascist rallies. knew that Republicans did not deserve a red wave, but skewed polls implying a red wave still did plenty of damage.
Lastly: conservatives are perverts, and also, conservatives are perverts.
Today, David Waldman reveals one weird trick that will shock you, or he will read and comment on the news. Find out which on this Friday KITM!
California Assembly Bill 83 is titled “Political Reform Act of 1974: contributions and expenditures by foreign-influenced business entities”, but might be better known as the “Money Out, Voters In!” bill, designed to defend democracy by closing the Citizens United loophole allowing foreign money to flood elections. Representative Jamie Raskin likes it, you should too!
Mixed-up Michigan Gops don’t know where their next paycheck is coming from, but should, one way or the other, by the end of February. Ace KITM Correspondent Rosalyn MacGregor reports that 13 Dem-held MI districts have been ordered to be redrawn. Detroit-area voters want special elections this year for 6 Senate districts, 2 years ahead of schedule. Now the U.S. Supreme Court is being asked to delay all of this until 2026.
A solution for Republican chaos everywhere has been suggested in Missouri, who are proposing to allow members to challenge each other to duels, to be held at high noon in the well of their senate, clearly without consideration for their custodial staff.
Nancy Mace’s plan on January 6 was to get punched in the face. This idea might be better accepted today, as more people have gotten to know her. Peter Navarro is taking his punchable face to prison for 4 months.
3-minute man Donald Trump would have finished even faster yesterday had not so many people been watching him so closely. Trump wanted to be judged by neither judges nor juries, until he realized the alternative. If SCOTUS are worried that there will be riots if they judge against TFFG, wait until they see what happens if they don’t.
David Waldman and Greg Dworkin deliver us to the weekend! Almost! Give us another day or two, we’ll get there!
Speed demon Donald Trump kicked into high gear lately when posting about E. Jean Carroll, then Nikkki Haley. Who knows what his next sleepless night might bring? Sure, we would all want Haley to stay in the Gop primary. Donald Trump might blow a blood vessel on live TV, and Nikkki is happy to remind the whole lot of them of their recent shrinkage. Alas, we don’t pay her bills. On the other hand, New Hampshire was a good test of Joe Biden’s support, and how many Democrats can spell Robinette.
Poor Ron DeSantis, still reeling from the effects of the woke mind virus, has now found it more difficult to satisfy his wife in the manner to which she has become accustomed.
C’mon Republicans, you know Kari Lake is going to wear a wire! Lindsey Graham was born wearing one. Put the two of them in a room with Matt Gaetz and you could microwave hotdogs with the radiation. Of course, today all you need is a phone and the internet, as an Alina Habba MAGA fanboy discovered.
The battle between the “Original” Michigan Gop, and the “AAAA-1” Michigan Gop rages on. In other civil war news, Greg Abbott will use the “Supreme Law of Texas” against the puny Yankee army, following the orders of his party’s Commander in Chief, Donald Trump.
White nationalists do prefer that Kirk Lazarus would play Othello, but otherwise are big Shakespeare fans… although they are pretty bad at quoting the lines under pressure.
Uvalde police care about what their citizens say about them, at least enough to harass them further.
California is voting out “Citizens United” foreign money, with your help!
David Waldman and Greg Dworkin returned to this morning’s KITM with the very latest in news and punditry. So, if you had that in the office pool, congratulations.
Another primary down, (ok, the last one was a caucus) another set of losers. Ok, they’re all losers, but who’s the biggest loser this time? Some say Nikkki Haley blew it. Some say that, allowing for her lower vote total, Haley did just fine.
Donald Trump begs to differ. Sure, Donald Trump can be a pretty poor loser, but he really is a horrible winner. Donald Trump shown that he does meet the criteria of his voting base, which is that his name is “Donald Trump”. This might not be enough to clinch the presidency however, in fact it could work against him in the general election.
Joe Biden likes how it’s all going. More and more, so does the American public. President Joe Biden certainly has a lot more support than the generic Democrat, even when the generic Democrat has a name. The group most disappointed with last night’s results is the media invested in a horse race, who will now spend their time broadcasting fact checks to the only side who cares.
You’d think that the White House pharmacy connected to Trump’s weight and health claims would be pretty hinky, and you’d be right. You would not be surprised to find out that the Oklahoma superintendent who accused teacher unions of turning public schools into Epstein Island hired the head of “Libs of TikTok” to review schoolbooks. You would guess that January 6 insurrectionists had cased the escape routes out of the Capitol well ahead of the event. You might not expect Texas to provoke a border war with the United States government, however.
It’s Tuesday! Time for David Waldman to welcome Joan McCarter to talk of many things… but first the upcoming Gop primary, as tomorrow it’ll be outgoing and what’s the fun in that?
With Ron DeSantis out, where does the coveted incel gamergate vote go? Now it’s become a pulse-stopping two-person race! (But only if Donald Trump’s pulse stops.) It’s bold outsider Nikkki Haley Hare vs. the steady reliability of Tortoise Donald Trump... A Trump vs. Haley debate will require subtitles, though.
Pedophile cop, rogue priest Donald Trump has already moved past the primary, all ready to remeasure the drapes and reactivate the White House sleeper cells. Journalist Barton Gellman warned us that Trump is up to something, but is now at the Brennan Center, according to his Chatbot Journalist replacement. AI Journalists are the future, however, and really, what could go the Brennan Center, Brennan Center... Brennan Center?
Virginia counties accept local militias, but who’s well-regulating who?
Alina Habba attended a Covid party to come up with another delay on the E. Jean Carroll trial.
Kevin McCarthy would like to point out that the Gop house still sucks without him, so there. President Joe Biden and Vice President Kamala Harris are announcing their new protections for abortion, and that they aren’t done yet.
Monday, David Waldman, Greg Dworkin and KITM. Here we go again!
Oh, so close! Ron DeSantis called off his presidential run in second place! What did he do wrong? Was there anything that Ron did right? In his campaign DeSantis was a cruel, stupid, egotistical authoritarian to a fault, so everyone knew his heart was in the right place, MAGA-wise. His body count was second only to the Donald’s. It’s just that with prime Trump still on the menu, who needs a meatball sub? Well, it’s up to Nikkki Haley to…
No, it’s not. It has always been Trump. Haley will endorse Trump in a couple of weeks. Sooner or later they always bend the knee. What else can any Gop do? (At least without begging a Democrat to help them.) Well, then the media should… Except that the media is even weaker than the Gop, and also has to worry about being seen as “partisan”.
Once Trump strips Nikkki and Ron’s campaigns down for parts, he will only find Christina Pushaw worth salvaging. Christina and perhaps a few bits of anti-DEI literature, if that phrase even lasts the next few months. Well-dressed Nazi Gimmetarians are still getting a terrific ROI out of classic terms, such as “furries”, and “Hispanics”. Oklahoma Republican JJ Humphrey hates those Hispanics and furries, but remains solidlypro-cockfighting. (No word yet on Humphrey’s acceptance of Hispanic furry cockfighters.)
Still, with TFFG coronation still months away, Republicans should hang tight. Donald’s decaying faster than a Cybertruck in the rustbelt.
It’s Friday, so David Waldman packs 5 days of punditry into our two hour sack:
Senate passed a short-term spending bill, Congress cleared it, by suspending the rules. Thanks goes to Democrats without whom nothing could be possible.
Ecuador is letting go of its pesky democracy in order to take on the threat of the drug gangs that they had packed into leaky prisons following neighboring El Salvador letting go of its pesky democracy in order to take on the threat of the drug gangs that they had packed into leaky prisons. Their presidents are becoming dictators, but also are becoming very popular with their terrified citizenry so...
Donald Trump just wishes he had a hellhole like that to campaign in. Donald is detestable, he’s demented, he’s delusional, he’s despicable, he’s deeee-plorable!
Trump should check out Oklahoma, where any person who is of Hispanic descent is a terrorist and children pretending to be animals risk suspension… and impoundment. Rural counties embrace local militias to assuage their fears... or because they fear the militias? Militias there are only a minute away from becoming a primary law enforcement and military force. Don’t freak out though, it can’t happen here.
Remember January 6? Good, because there are people out there trying to make that difficult. Remember COVID? Too bad, more reminders are heading your way. Remember all of the pending criminal and civil cases against Donald Trump? That’s ok, we have people out there to handle that.
Ace KITM Correspondent Rosalyn MacGregor reports that some of the Michigan Gop have voted that they are the real original Michigan Republican Party, although some others have voted that they were earlier, as if they all were competing Asian restaurants. This must make bumping into each other down in the breakroom awkward.
We are LIVE! We salute Justice Putnam, host of the West Coast Cookbook & Speakeasy, following this show on Netroots Radio, for climbing the internet pole out back and plugging us back in, or whatever he did. David Waldman’s and Greg Dworkin’s wisdom can again be enjoyed milliseconds after it occurs to them.
Lovable jerks! A popular trope in fiction that has a hard time translating into real life as real jerks aren’t really lovable. The completely fictional protagonist of the television program The Apprentice, “Donald Trump” endlessly threatens to creep back into our zeitgeist. Look at us, still blabbing about him. Too bad the horrible actor (and person) playing him isn’t going away soon, probably. KITM hasn’t called it yet, but Trump has the nomination locked up. RoboTrump Ron DeSantis has been crushed, as he deserved to be. Nikkki Haley isn’t Donald’s type either.
So “Donald Trump” isn’t going away soon, but being human, he can be defeated, and President Joe Biden is just the human to do it.
Meanwhile, Trump rallies have moved to courthouses. “Billion-Dollar Lawyer” Drew Findling is long gone, though. Million-dollar lawyerJoe Tacopina has also left. Thousand-buck lawyer Boris Ephsteyn isn’t even in the right courtroom. And, it’s hard to put a price on Trump lawyer/Melania stunt double Alina Habba, who would rather be pretty than smart. Trump isn’t investing in good lawyering anyhow. He’s paying for demolition experts.
In Florida, Tom Keen is headed to the House after flipping a red seat blue, while in Virginia, red counties look to militias to take them back to the 1700’s.
Quit tapping your app, David Waldman was not streaming “live” today. He is “here”, though, and as yesterday recording so that you only need to defer your punditry gratification for a short while.
Now that Greg Dworkin is here also, we have to talk about the Iowa Caucus again, but only for a moment as the Gop primary quickly moves on to dumber things. Sentimental favorite Ron DeSantis got second, yet you got to hope that cute little cuss survives for a few more states. The big news is that 30% of Gop voters wouldn’t vote for Donald Trump if he was “convicted”. Weird how they don’t consider Donald’s present convictions relating to fraud, rape, and slander as counting “enough”, isn’t it?
After all, even Jesus had his share of courtroom trouble, but Donald Trump promises much more smiting to avenge his followers. Republicans know exactly what Trump’s promised land will look like, and it looks like... a Trump rally. Nikkki Haley can tell you there won’t be any racism there… There never was. Too bad Donald can’t even heal himself.
The US economy is like Wayde Byard, unfairly maligned, now on the comeback to becoming appreciated. Speaking of the Commonwealth of Virginia, rural militias are contemplating well-regulating a few county governments.
David returns to his tour of the “Dunning School”, not some brick-and-mortar school, but William Archibald Dunning’s popular rationalization of historiographic racism still permeating educational systems around the country, including yours.
Hey, what in the Eastern Orthodox Boxing Day is this? Turns out it was nothing, just something in the intertubes that froze up, so no “live” show. However, David Waldman, cozily ensconced in KITM World Headquarters close to the warm friendly crackle of his kitchen microwave, remained undeterred and pressed on… that is, the “on” button for the recorder:
Yes, there was that thing in Iowa. Ron DeSantis lost badly, Nikkki Haley lost worse, and Donald Trump didn’t even win well. When TFFG wins, it just makes him and his followers angrier and more violent, so let’s just stop that shall we?
Meanwhile Trump moves on from last week’s epic court loss and tantrum, to this week’s epic court loss, and tantrums. This week could have be worse for Donald. After all, look at poor Rudy Giuliani, finding out that his double jeopardy could quinquagintuple!
Well, you know what history says about the Jan. 6 Committee investigation… You wouldn’t though, if the people who want to take over education taught history. The Dunning School of thought is followed by many decedents of Civil War losers to miseducate generations of students, right up to this day.
The cold couldn’t stop Joan McCarter from Skyping in to report that the dysfunctional Gop Congress achieved their first tangible accomplishment, new congressional lapel pins! (Not green. MAGA doesn’t do green.) Otherwise, it’s the same old Trump impaction as they try to squeeze out a border deal. Interim Guest House Speaker Mike Johnson has already worn out his welcome. They wouldn’t punch a guy with glasses... would they?
It’s Monday and David Waldman leads this morning’s charge with Operation “Kagro Morning”. The underinformed won’t know what hit them.
Martin Luther King Jr. Day is another holiday that is celebrated through somber reflection, which I guess most of them are supposed to be, with the possible exception of National Nothing Day tomorrow. Greg Dworkin reminds us that if it wasn’t for Connecticut hospitality Dr. King’s dream might not be as inspired.
Casaba-headed reactionary Charlie Kirk was recently dismayed to discover that Martin Luther King Jr. spoke over than 30 words during his lifetime, and wasn’t the Bircher Charlie thought he was. Kirk plans to use today’s holiday to haul the Overton Window to the right, and already the lunatic line is forming to hop out. Nikkki Haley represents the lost-causers just below, waiting to catch them.
In many states that window has always had a southern exposure, although few people still are aware that even Alabamans weren’t all whistling Dixie. Perhaps we are all xenophobic authoritarians? Perhaps not. Anyhow, it is gratifying to know that a lot of those who are, are becoming frostbitten today. Haley is competing with Ron DeSantis to capture just the perfect essence of losing to Donald Trump while avoiding the stench of losing to each other.
One way or the other, Republicans will be falling in line… and, of course, so will Democrats. The money is already on Joe Biden heading into a possibly balmier Iowa.
Trump continues to be in trouble with the law. E. Jean Carroll's attorney asks Judge Kaplan to take "robust prophylactic measures", hopefully a tennis ball and duct tape if Donald decides to “testify”.
Michigan Gop operations lead the way for others across the nation.
Texas Governor Greg Abbott didn’t send migrants into sub-zero temperatures this week, but rather to the bottom of the Rio Grande.
Bill Ackman lived by the sword, and dies by the Axel Springer.
Can you believe it? It’s David Waldman, KITM, and Friday, once again.
Circumstances are again forcing us to learn about some other country and some other group of people... And as usual, those circumstances involve us dropping bombs on that country and those people. Today, we leaf to the back of our atlas in order to find the country of Yemen, somewhat the home of the Houthis, the latest folks in the Middle East to piss us off.
Not that they don’t deserve the back of Uncle Sam’s hand, you know. Once the US had put a few boats in the area it was hard to not notice what local hooligans they were. In fact, you could consider them regular pirates. Now, some are coming out against bombing Houthis... most notably the Houthis, but also American lawmakers miffed at not receiving war room invites.
Hey, who would have guessed that Donald Trump would pitch a fit on the last day of court even after being repeatedly asked/warned/told not to? EVERYBODY. Everybody. Every-F-N-body. Trump did not “skip” campaigning in Iowa to go to court! Wherever there’s an audience, that will be where Donald is “campaigning”. E. Jean Carroll's attorney begs her judge to wise up. Even Maggie Haberman is begging everyone to wise up.
Ace KITM Correspondent Rosalyn MacGregor returns us to Ottawa County Michigan, site of rampant Republican on Republican violence. Now, there is a holy war between Christian nationalists… and Christian-Nationalists.
David Waldman and Greg Dworkin will be allowed to speak on their own behalf today.
Annnd they’re rounding the bend! It’s Nikki Haley and Ron DeSantis, neck and neck heading into Iowa! Now that Chris Christie is out, that race is up for grabs! Gops finely tuned to every nuanced policy detail and scrupulously balancing every gradated point reached their somber conclusions, and it looks like it’s Nikki’s to lose! (Although Donald Trump does maintain a slim lead.)
Baby Jesus could personally smite Donald Trump on live TV and he’d still have a lock on the nomination. Little things like what Donald says or does will have little bearing, until hopefully the general election.
Things that Donald says and does do matter to courts of law, however. Judge Engoron carefully described the terms under which he would permit Trump to deliver a closing argument. Trump’s lawyers then trolled Engoron for a day or so, finally acquiescing to... LOL! JK! Donald is a 4-year-old at Denny’s. You don’t shut him up, you carry him out.
Ron DeSantis needs to go back home and take responsiblity for his staff choices.
A Moms for Liberty member… no, not the anti-LGBTQ leg on the marital Eiffel tower… and not the teen speakeasy fight club mom… a new one... was caught shoplifting at Target.
Did the House Oversight Committee subpoena Taylor Swift yet?
David Waldman and Greg Dworkin return for a LIVE Wednesday KITM. We’re all getting the hang of it this year!
How embarrassing is it to be a Republican? Hunter Biden played with them this morning until it just became boring and sad. Soon, each House Gop will have been Speaker, as each previous member Leeeeeroy Jenkins into the maw of another spending deal talk.
As Ace KITM Correspondent Rosalyn MacGregor has often told us, Republican antics in Michigan would embarrass any stooge. In Florida it’s not so funny when they endanger and kill people.
So how can the polls still be so close? Well, for one thing the media likes things close to better harvest your lovely frightened and angry clicks. Also, you know, they are just polls. It all sort of depends on what pollster you pulled them out of.
Nonetheless, there aren’t enough Gops to give Nikki Haley the Republican nomination, and there… probably… is not enough MAGA to give Donald Trump the presidency.
Speaking of the TFFG, polls say he shouldn’t be immune from prosecution any time in the past, present or future. More importantly, the courts seem to be agreeing. Trump and his lawyers thought they’d waltz around all those rakes in their path, yet managed to step on every single one. Now Donald Trump promises there will be hell to pay, but what Donald doesn’t yet get is that the bill is coming to him.
Want to see a cool animated timeline of Donald Trump's efforts to overturn the 2020 election? How about a free one, without cool animations?
David Waldman is back, just like Tuesday! You can always rely on those two.
President Joe Biden reminds us that Donald Trump is the losingest loser whoever lost, followed exclusively by Lost Cause losers who love losers and losing.
Trump is busy losing court cases this week. Judicial Estoppel,John Stossel, Collateral Estoppel… There’s nothing Donald Trump won’t do or say to escape the law. Dick Nixon rolled over in his grave faster than usual today as Trump tried to get a DC court to buy his absolute immunity defense. That sounds to have gone over as well as it did in NY court, and as it will in GA court.
Having run out of reason, Donald falls back to terror. Judge Tanya Chutkan and Special Counsel Jack Smith have swatting attempted upon them, which was thwarted by just calling their around-the-clock bodyguards. Supervillain cosplayer Roger Stone circle jerk/brainstormed with a cop friend to assassinate Eric Swalwell and Jerry Nadler.
Donald Trump wishes that the economy would crash before next Christmas. Mike Johnson and the House Gops are working hard to make all of Trump’s dreams a reality. Joan McCarter reports that the Freedom Caucus might not reach their goal of destroying the US in the next couple of weeks, but they owe it to their constituents to keep fighting. The “Freedom” Caucus’ second goal is to make certain Ukrainians lose theirs.
The Florida Republican Party has finally broken up with Christian Ziegler, so tonight he’s open to any group who might take him.
David Waldman and Greg Dworkin woke up bright and early to bring us our first Monday KITM of the year! They stayed awake too!
Joe Biden delivered a stemwinder-barnburner of a speech centered on January 6, and not just for people who use “stemwinder” or “barnburner” to describe speeches. The events of January 6 are burned into the minds of millions of Americans, though yet to light a single candle in Donald Trump’s dim consciousness. Nonetheless, minions, lackies, and cult members have all been waving their gaslights hoping to earn Donald’s fleeting affection. Elise Stefanik slipped one over on Kristen Welker, which apparently isn’t so tough… On a extremely related note, Mehdi Hasan has been shoved out of MSNBC. Mitt Romney says that democracy is just so “2020”. As usual, no Democrats and few Republicans are listening to Mitt Romney.
Were security heads at January 6th corrupted, incompetent, or just low-key racist?
Ron DeSantis continues to fade against Trump, which is surprising as Ron is the candidate with the closest body count. Florida’s surgeon general continues to roll up the score. Nikki Haley is next into the barrel.
Meanwhile, the Supreme Court will decide whether Trump should be allowed on the ballot. He shouldn’t, they know that, but what they will say is up for grabs. If Donald can’t have absolute immunity, he’ll indict everybody, which is half of what he plans to do if he does get absolute immunity.
Congress has reached a deal! Of course, there are a few details to knock out.
David Waldman posits a few questions on today’s show. Questions for which careful, or even casual listeners of KITM might know the answer.
For instance, what do you have to lose from taking Hydroxychloroquine?
Ok, that was an easy one. What about that January 6 riot at the Capitol, bad thing or no? And, Donald Trump… Insurrectionist, or treasonous bastard? Right, again!
The questions get tougher from here on out. Trump received at least $7.8M in payments from foreign governments as president. That would seem to be a violation of the Constitution... but is it? Why did everyone know the answer to that one, and yet nothing happened?
Armando knows! In fact, Armando has known for years, and has told us many times, here with David, and daily as he continues to fight the good fight in the cloacae of X. Donald Trump isn’t going solo for an insanity defense on his myriad of legal cases, he’s paying lawyers to say a lot of crazy stuff as well. The main goal is to dump stupid into the gears of justice, but if any one of the SCOTUS in his pocket find anything to hang on to, that will be welcomed as well. Can anything counter Trump? That’s a great question, and if anyone has the answer, it’s these two.
Where’d we go? Sleepyhead David Waldman clocked in late yesterday and Greg Dworkin’s Raft O’ Stories went adrift. The good news is, David’s back on schedule, and Greg has a XL boatload of polls and punditry for us today. About those polls… Half of the world will be going to some sort of poll this year. So, a million polling prognosticators are out there with differing methodologies and rates of success. All of them had better make certain that they are paid upfront, and take their phone off the hook after their elections. Low turnout propensity young voters don’t know, don’t care, and don’t feel like it right now, maybe check them later? Nikki Haley is working tirelessly to spend a hundred million or so, specifically to lose the least to Donald Trump. This makes no sense, unless you suppose that Nikki has read the Constitution. Donald Trump’s lawyers argue that Donald knows that Joe Biden is not president, and everyone else knows that Trump is not president, so why involve the courts? Right about now Republicans are finding the republican aspect of government inconvenient, at least the 14th ammendment. Trump isn’t getting out of his E. Jean Carroll rape defamation civil trial. Rape nor defamation is that big a deal to his white evangelical base anyhow. In Kentucky, former Kentucky clerk Kim Davis, who refused to grant a gay couple a marriage license has been ordered to pay an additional $260,104, which is more than she spends on Aqua Net in a year. Multiple state Capitols have been evacuated due to mass-emailed bomb threats. It is presently much more dangerous to attend a public school. Bill Clinton, Donald Trump, and David Copperfield can’t magically escape from their past with Jeff Epstein. Alan Dershowitz thinks he’s Houdini though.
Don’t anyone go accusing me of sleeping on the job! I do the job after I sleep! Even if I choose to do my sleeping during, you know, the time when most people anticipate that I’ll be doing my job.
So, that happened. But then I decided I’d better read and discuss at least an hour’s worth of material today, or we’ll start falling behind.
Over in Ivy League Land, where people are used to falling behind if they don’t do their reading, we have the unfortunate case of Harvard President Claudine Gay becoming a trophy for the “anti-woke” weirdos. Worse still, the weirdos have employed a quiet “woke-ism” in leveraging various minority communities in their crusades, none of which will actually benefit those communities.
Meanwhile, some are starting to notice dreadful similarities between current tactics and… Gamergate.
I don’t know what’s the bigger story here: that Trump paid a guy to search out evidence of voter fraud, or that Trump paid a guy ?
Now that the first few successes have opened the 14th Amendment floodgates, it’s Scott Perry’s “time in the barrel.”
Rosalyn MacGregor has told us repeatedly how cuckoo-bananas the Michigan Republican Party is nowadays. And now everyone is noticing. But here’s a new angle on it, and on disinformation “Patient Zero,” Gateway Pundit. It’s almost as if the act was implied right in the name.
2024! Are you still writing “2023” on your checks? (btw, what is a “check”?) David Waldman, finally able to wear his two-button shorts on the air without copyright infringement, delivers possibly the least teeth-gnashing news day of the year.
Bridget Ziegler, the anti-LGBTQ mom recorded in three-ways, is so “last year”. Let’s welcome Clarice Schillinger, the pro-COVID, anti-public school, woke-battling mom, charged with running underage drinking parties and fist fighting teens.
The United Arab Emirates, like the Corleone family, have been diversifying their financial operations over the past few generations. Thomas Friedman is certain that if Palestinians had just shown that same pluck and determination as the UAE, they wouldn’t have needed those extra trillions in petrodollars to build their own little Abu Dhabi along the West Bank. Israelis meanwhile, are moving past powderizing Gaza and turning their attention back to fighting amongst themselves over which branch of government is on top.
Donald Trump plans to turn his Jan. 6 trial into a ‘MAGA Freak Show’, as if there were any other kind. Later today, nearly 200 more names will be added to the Jeffrey Epstein walk of shame.
David Waldman and Greg Dworkin wish you all a happy LAST year! (Because we're re-running our Jan. 2, 2023 episode!) It’s not a prediction per se, but a nice objective. 2023 won’t be a good year to avoid gun deaths. New Year's Eve parties featured the usual accidental shooting deaths, and related casualties and injuries. Not universally beloved Pope Benedict’s death might just reshape the Catholic Church, or maybe not. Congress votes for a new speaker of the House tomorrow. Historical as always, but this time maybe a little more historical, and hopefully a little more hysterical than usual. Understudies await in the wings to rescue their party, or at least to get a chance to burn it all down. Hakeem Jeffries will receive Democratic votes, but the chances of a unity candidate are slim. Everyone knew that Republicans did not deserve a red wave, but skewed polls implying a red wave still did plenty of damage. Hardline Elise Stefanik supporter, Elise Stefanik has had a hate-love-loooooove relationship with Donald Trump which Donald rightfully distrusts. David teams up with the New York Times to find how Stefanik’s craven opportunism might not be enough to keep her on top.
That’s it. We’ve officially run out of holidays to take off this year. David Waldman and Greg Dworkin have returned for the second day in a row.
Nikki Haley wasn’t about to get caught with a trick question on the cause of the Civil War. It was, however, a simple question that Nikki thought needed a trick answer.
Surprised by someone who could so easily raise more than her, Lauren Boebert is working to not risk losing her grip on power without getting another handhold first.
10 inches of secret documents might not be the only thing Donald Trump is sitting on. Jack Smith has always smelled something fishy, and filed a motion in limine to obtain a pre-trial ruling regarding the admissibility of certain types of evidence at trial.
Clarence Thomas isn’t about to recuse himself on something as important as Trump’s immunity issues, at least without seeing a little something up front. There are bad arguments against the application of Section 3 of the Fourteenth Amendment against Trump. Bad arguments are all they have, but never something Gops have a problem with using.
The Michigan Supreme Court doesn’t see why they should be deciding anything as long as they have a court above them to toss to. Ace KITM Correspondent Rosalyn MacGregor has been telling us about the disintegration of the Michigan Republican Party for some time now. One MI fake elector regrets his actions, 15 more to go.
Robin Vos demonstrates that a Republican can do wrong for his entire career and yet find himself out on the slightest principled slip.
We’re back! Greg Dworkin was rarin’ to go, rounding up happenings from the extended holiday weekend. That included a reminder that while polling a year out from the election is often worthless, it’s perhaps valuable to ask people whether a criminal conviction would change their minds about voting for Trump. So, someone did. I don’t know if you’ve heard this, but the economy is doing a lot better than the so-called experts said it would be. But so-called experts get a lot of things wrong. For instance, they used to insist that abortion could never be “a winning issue for us.” And now “pro-life” types aren’t even sure they like guns so much! And legislators who opted to do nothing — even after Sandy Hook — now think that just maybe, they made a mistake. Greg’s fond of reminding us that Trump is a “chaos agent.” What’s the opposite of that? A stability agent, I guess. And we’ve got a pretty good one. All the robots at Tesla are going haywire. Not just the cars. (Or the owner.) Moms Three Liberty continues its walk of shame. “Lordy, there are tapes” is becoming cliché, but it’s still fun to talk about. And of course, we had to revisit the Colorado Supreme Court decision, plus the denial from SCOTUS on Jack Smith’s petition, neither of which are the end of the line. There’s a lot more to say about both of these cases. But Clarence Thomas shouldn’t be among those saying it.
Travel day! We'll be back live for Eastern Orthodox Boxing Day. But for now, please enjoy this look back in our short-hop time machine!
Today, David Waldman presented a limited edition KITM, offered live only to a select audience in his kitchen this morning, but now publicly available at an amazingly low price!
Are Rooibos and Yerba Mate teas any good? One way to find out.
Just Security sums up the January 6th Select Committee’s final report, and The Bulwark focuses on the Trump coup’s fake elector scheme, Donald Trump claims that he has total immunity and total innocence, the MAGA mantra. Adam Schiff points out that is the one thing to remember about Jan 6.
Russian weenie king Pavel Antov fell out a window and died. Pavel's co-traveler dieda couple of days before. Russian plutocrats are incredibly limber and yet strangely clumsy. The Russian Foreign Minister is afraid that they might have to send their army into Ukraine if things don’t improve.
Someone made the mistake of numbering Democrats, when they could all walk through the door at the same time, like Republicans.
George Santos might be Jew-ish, gay-y, rich-esque, but he’s definitely a phony.
Our Boxing Day '22 show fills in for VI Kal. Ianiuarius.
KITM gave the staff the whole day off for Christmas this year, allowing us to be here all the earlier next morning for Boxing Day! The first rule of Boxing Day is you do not sing Boxing Day carols. Instead, David Waldman and Greg Dworkin of course croon only the best Christmas songs written by Jewish men, (All of them.) including that anti-nuclear annihilation ditty, “Do You Hear What I Hear?”, and the Ukrainian export, “Carol of the Bells”. It’s also Monday, so Greg’s here to review with us all of the punditry that he has heard and seen recently.
Boxing Day is big in the UK, primarily with those not freezing or starving to death. In a decade or so, survivors might look back at Brexit and appreciate it more.
Over our holiday weekend, 13 people died in a blizzard in Buffalo, New York. People with a sense of humor clearly not burdened by “wokeness” vandalized more power substations and trafficked migrants to the sidewalk outside Vice President Kamala Harris' residence. Donald Trump said some Donald Trump things.
Elon Musk will be remembered in the same breath as the Mona Lisa, if she was a tech bro corporate bossist troll. Why tweet when you can tusk or toot or something?
The great detectives in the January 6 committee deduced the culprit, but now righting his wrongdoings are our responsibility. Dominion Voting Systems should sue Trump for defamation, but would it be worth it? Stefanie Lambert might have defamed more people for Trump than any other lawyer.
TFG does not look like a shoe in for the Republican 2024 primary. Neither does Ron DeSantis.
Volodymyr Zelensky inspired with his Christmas message. Useful idiots over here would rather give up Christmas than embrace Zelensky.
Today might not be the holly-est nor jolliest, but it sure is beginning to feel a lot like the weekend. David Waldman helps us to constructively fill two more hours before we can open presents.
Yesterday, Donald Trump said that he was not a crook, assuring no one on earth, although Donald did knock off one more day of being not held responsible until he can hide in a casket, which has been his sole ambition for over 70 years. The 14th amendment is not the “magical cure-all” that finishes Trump once and for all, but if law and justice can just put one dent in that plan it would be really good for America. This is a generally held Democratic goal, but could possibly become a Republican goal too if they took some time to think about it. Textualists, Originalists, Literalists, and Hypocrites might have found themselves painted into a constitutional corner this time, however.
Meanwhile, Trump is connected to an absolutely perfect phone call pressuring Michigan election officials to subvert the vote. Ronna McDaniel can pack her bags now as she will be relocating under the bus for the foreseeable future.
It’s a boom time to be a misinformation researcher. Manufacturers and distributors will send you research materials for free.
And, lo, David Waldman brings us good tidings of great joy, and Greg Dworkin with his Thursday Raft o’ Stories and Boatload of Punditry and Polls™.
Amdt14.S3.1 is getting coverage like Luke 2:8-14 this week. SCOTUS will need more than originalism to excuse the decision 6 of them would really wish to be making. Gops would prefer that the Supreme Court would keep its nose out of Constitutional matters, and yet this case just might be the enema they’ve all needed for the last 8 years.
On the other hand, most US adults approve of the Colorado Supreme Court ruling. Adults don’t include those “MAGA über alles, über alles in der Welt” types. Still, if you look at the polls, they will tell you… nothing really. Gas is cheap, though.
Republicans in Congress prefer whatever lies they can get on Ukraine.
You might remember Great Barrington from their crappy Barrington Declaration, but can now know them for their fake vice squad cop and his pretend Tik Tok raid looking to find racy literature in an 8th grade classroom.
A Judge ordered Scott Perry to hand over 1,650 text and email records. Too bad Scott’s pardon was lost in the mail.
Great news! Greg Dworkin floated by this morning on his raft o’ stories, and managed to regale us with the latest news until we lost sight of him about a half hour later...
Excellent news! The Colorado Supreme Court has ruled that Donald Trump is ineligible to run for president. David Waldman wasn’t that sure he could do a whole show on the subject, but he underestimates himself.
The folks who normally hold the Constitution as gospel and vice versa, and who also remind us that the US isn’t a democracy but a republic, suddenly have a problem with this particular Constitution. It also seems that the Founding Fathers, Et Al. who couldn’t foresee a guy like Donald Trump, kind of did at that. The Colorado Supremes weren’t asleep in their law or history classes, either. SCOTUS will really earn their pay if they can fish Donald out of this one.
The pro-Trumpers who applied for a National Park Service permit purposely left out any mention of what they were planning to do because they and Donald Trump really wanted it to be a surprise. The Confederate soldiers and WWIII cosplayers in attendance were a bit of a spoiler, however.
On a related note, in Alabama, Tommy Tuberville finally surrendered in his war against the United States military.
On the KITM Holiday Countdown we’re running out of holidays to count down. As it is Tuesday, we did count down the minutes till David Waldman welcomed Joan McCarter, but didn’t expect her to bring many glad tidings. The Gop has no Christmas joy to send Ukraine. Germany will be permanently deploying troops for the first time since World War II.
Leonard Leo will make sure Supreme Court stockings are overflowing this year, as he has in years before. Clarence Thomas will continue to ho-ho-ho for billionaires, but won’t expect anything nice from his sister. (Actually, he probably does.) The court is probably wrapping their secret Santa gift for Donald Trump as we speak. (They’ll never top the one Sandra Day O'Connor gave W.)
Republicans nominate a “Democrat” to succeed George Santos, thus replacing a liar with a lie.
Ever since Greg Abbott had his saw blade buoys taken away, he’s been looking for a new way to persecute migrants. Instead, he’s reaching back to the classics.
Some of you might be taking the holiday off today, but not David Waldman, and not us at KITM World Headquarters. Greg Dworkin might be lost in the Connecticut outback without his mukluks, or he might be just sleeping in, we aren’t sure.
Rudy Colludy Giuliani was ordered to pay $148 million in damages to Ruby Freeman and Shaye Moss, whom he had defamed. Giuliani will spend the next weeks defaming them some more, which gives him something to do while waiting for his criminal cases to begin. Rudy will never apologize, but really neither has Kenneth Chesebro, Sidney Powell or Scott Hall. Now Jenna Ellis, there’s an apology, and yet still not nearly enough. Trump’s Hope Hicks 2.0, Alina Habba, demands that the Supreme Court intervene and also stay out of Trump prosecutions. Alina convinced Trump that being sanctioned a million dollars is winning. How does she do it?
How does Clarence Thomas do it? Shortly after he notched the Supreme Court gig, Thomas’ fancy turned from ladies around the office to a love more profound and enduring, the devotion of a good sugar daddy.
David Waldman enters his “Friday Era” today, which counting inclusively from the Ides, would fall upon the... well, depending on the Augustus or Sextilis derivation, would… heck, politics does complicate everything, including us getting to the weekend.
Sometimes things aren’t so complicated. CNN reports thata collection of raw Russian intelligence disappeared under Donald Trump, which is exactly where most would predict it would disappear. Donald lost a full 10 inches of highly classified information on the Russia Russia Russian interference on the 2016 elections, which Trump planned to declassify, but apparently just forgetting it was easier.
Stochastic terrorism would be a cinch for Trump because there are so many ready to help him out for free. As Donald will tell you though, just being associated with the Trump name should be enough for anybody. Where would convicted criminal and alleged stalker Brock William Fredin be without the Trump boost?
David Waldman welcomes us to this week’s Penultimate KITM Special, which features this week’s ultimate Greg Dworkin appearance, and you can’t beat that.
Jack Smith’s bold interlocutory appeal, which hopefully is the interdigitary case to finally cut through Donald Trump’sinterstitial bullshit, seems a huge play but is a good bet.
The Dow is surging with the Joementum of Bidenomics. Is Jerome Powell’s Fed pulling off a soft landing? Stock and Bond markets sure think so. Remember, never give your money to Republicans to handle. Reality continues to outperform vibes.
That won’t matter to MAGA. Gops have no foundation for impeachment, but why worry when they only need it for a few months and everyone involved is disposable? If anyone on Team Trump isn’t a criminal already, they will be one shortly.
Meanwhile, people still debate whether the Boston Tea Partiers are actually criminals or just very naughty cosplayers.
David Waldman and Greg Dworkin round up the election news, the court news, and everything in between.
The Supreme Court will hear a challenge to an obstruction law used on January 6th insurrectionists. It all depends on what their definition of corruption, is.
Special counsel Jack Smith made a gutsy move to ask the Supreme Court to decide whether Donald Trump has absolute immunity before he spends any more time prosecuting him. It seems like a simple decision, but the Supremes could make it pretty complicated. Trump lawyers want to immediately halt, and/or immediately review any immunity decision, depending upon the immunity decision.
Democrats lose some, win some with redistricting. Winning is better. Republicans do not want to talk about the Kate Cox abortion case. Everyone told Donald Trump about fake electors, now the fake electors have to tell it to the judge.
Remember Jack Teixeira, the Air National Guard member who looked 12 years old, and who was trying to impress actual 12-year-olds by letting them peek at his collection of military secrets? If you are the kind of person who would read this summary you might, if you aren’t, you… would not.
There are oh so many reasons to vote for Joe Biden in 2024. There are also, apparently a couple of reasons people have to not make that choice, including being as stupid AF. Perhaps voters need to be reminded that the other choice would be Donald Trump. Retired Republican members of Congress attitudes are unsurprisingly different from the idiots who used to pay their bills. Those who still need MAGA millions have to keep doing things like pretend to impeach Joe Biden, even if it means impeaching Joe Biden. Withholding funds on Ukraine might be an effective troll on Joe Biden, but Dems aren’t the only thing that might be triggered.
David Waldman never does anything halfway. Except for today. Today David is “out”, but only halfway, leaving a brand-new, recorded live, special 1-hour KITM :
Donald Trump’s plan for the last 50 years has been to postpone justice for his actions until he’s dead. So far, so good, I guess, but it would be nice if someone could find a way to hurry him along. Jack Smith just might have come up with a way to short-circuit Trump’s endless postponements of his March 4 criminal trial. On Monday, Smith asked the Supreme Court to step in to decide Trump’s presidential immunity appeal directly, and it looks as if the Supreme Court will decide on something somewhat soon.
The Electronic Registration Information Center, aka ERIC was a bipartisan solution to voter fraud, until Republicans started to really dig voter fraud, and hankered for a solution that prioritized what they wanted over their depressing reality. This turns out to be exactly the thing AI is best at.
David Waldman and Greg Dworkin continue our KITM Holiday Countdown. We’re halfway through one, and have only a few more to go this year!
Remember Alex Jones? Yeah, he’s back on whatever Twitter is now. Can we not attend to that crap over there anymore? I will move as many links as I can to Threads or Blue Sky, but if I can’t I will try to give you a heads up, like for this one.
Anyhow, we have too much other crap to deal with.
Donald Trump is blowing away his primary competition, while Joe Biden trails behind “Imaginary Dem”, “Fantasy Dem”, and oh, Santa Claus probably.
The Texas abortion case undermines the rationale for abortion bans and shows how useless rationales have become for Gops.
Conservatives fight against way too much, and too little, free speech at universities.
MAGA might not feel the effects of inflation most, but they do affect those feelings more intensely. MAGA women want a Hallmark life, but place Mad Max votes.
The House inquiry into impeaching Joe has led to a decision to inquire some more.
Rudy Giuliani’s defamation trial commences. Jack Smith continues to debunk Trump lies.
How do military veterans withstand being in the same room as military experts like Tommy Tuberville and Donald Trump?
David Waldman, This Is Your Life! On today's KITM, David relates the true story of his rollercoaster-like ride to honchoing the KITM Worldwide Entertainment conglomerate, adding words of guidance for aspiring lawyers, politicians, ad men and women, while dishing on DC’s movers and shakers. (We won't get into names though... except for Greg Dworkin, whose name we do like to drop at least three times a week.)
Also, there’s some news! Kevin McCarthy announced a formal impeachment inquiry against President Joe Biden. Yep, that’s weaponization of government all right, an attack on democracy. The Freedom caucus can’t decide whether to half-heartedly deny that or throw a party on live tv. Or... psychotically rant, or cynically lie… the usual. The press is happy to fall in line. Republicans will inevitably impeach Biden no matter what the facts show, or what the press says.
Interim House Speaker Kevin McCarthy’s got nothing, and no longer has any bargaining chips left. Donald Trump has about used up all of his pain in the ass trolls before he’s caboose on a chain gang. The Gop behind the impeachment have had recent dinner meetings with Trump… and you know that they weren’t there for the halibut.
Not only is there no evidence against Joe Biden, but there’s also of course a lot of evidence exonerating him. Therefore, the best move for Joe is to just quit... wait, that doesn't sound right. Anyhow, no one is jumping into anyone’s primary now.
Ron DeSantis knows how to handle a federal misdemeanor, with a bullet right between the eyes.
The resilient spirit of young Americans will pull us through.
We haven’t heard from that dummy Lauren Boebert lately, but we will soon hear her explanation of why she was ejected from the Denver Buell Theatre after she was caught enthusiastically vaping during the Beetlejuice musical.
It’s Tuesday on KITM. More importantly, it’s finally 9/12, and we can return to our 9/12 mindset. Even better, Joan McCarter is feeling better, and can call in and give David Waldman somebody to talk to other than all of us.
After long consideration… well, after not much consideration at all, Interim Republican Speaker Kevin McCarthy made his move to impeach Joe Biden. Knife out, heading for Biden, Kevin might not realize that he’s being crept up on by Matt Gaetz, who will be so preoccupied that he won’t notice Marge Greene’s knife… MTG better have eyes in the back of her head.
MAGA knows that all of those charges against Donald Trump are fake news. They’re just waiting for that verdict from the Supreme Court. Good thing Supreme Court judges are always honorable, impartial, ethical… alas, that is not true, not since conjugal dark money conduit Ginni Thomas helped open Leonard Leo’s and Harlan Crow’s spigots into their undisclosed hoses.
Can Senate Republicans stop House extremists from helping Putin? Not if Senate Republicans can team up with enough House counterparts to secure Ukraine aid.
On today’s KITM, David Waldman and Greg Dworkin count down the days until “Talk Like a Pirate Day”, while counting up the dumb and dumber people they find in the world.
9/11. Time for memorials, and defacing of memorials. Donald Trump is adept at turning memories into nightmares.
Donald says wind farms cause cancer. Ron Johnson will tell you they kill whales. In your universe those are lies, but in the Republican universe… they are also lies, but they’re their guy’s lies, and that’s good enough for them. They know what they want and are not picky about their rationale. Glenn Youngkin can pardon any violent criminal as long as he brings law and order to Gilberts Corner… not like those big cities, which just aren’t their big cities. And, that’s just how leopards ate the face of this conservative Idaho community.
Voters in all universes are feeling better about the economy, they just don’t feel like crediting President Joe Biden. That’s okay, happier people are Biden voters. Dems have experienced great success over the last year. Of course, it is over the next year that we need to be concerned about.
Biden’s age is mostly a lie people tell themselves when they don’t want to vote for him. Nonetheless, it is a lie that can do plenty of damage, unless people are reminded of what they are really voting for.
Ron DeSantis’ Super PAC is hurting his campaign, but not half as much as Ron DeSantis is. Vivek Ramaswamy was attempting to reassure voters abouthis authenticity when the truth dropped right on his head. In DC, Interim Republican Speaker Kevin McCarthy will be getting exactly what he’s been asking for this week.
The U.S. Government chose a supervillain as a major supplier and is somehow surprised when the sharks with frickin’ laser beams become pointed at them.
Lots going on today, as always. Some of which we talked about, and some of which we assigned as homework.
Navarro’s guilty. And not just of pacing around nervously.
Fani Willis had a thing or two to say to Jim Jordan. And the Fulton County Special Grand Jury’s report was released today, too.
In more in-depth news, here’s the take we were looking for on “Coach” Kennedy’s case. The more you look at it, the more it looks like other fake cases, like 303 Creative.
That reminds me, Every Republican Accusation is a Confession.™ This time, the proof is… another “famous” conservative “Christian” family brought low by charges of child abuse.
“Free speech absolutist” Elon Musk finds yet another limit to his tolerance: Ukraine.
Proud Boys imprisoned for Jan. 6 think Trump will pardon them. That much we all understand. Why they think he’ll do it for free is the mystery. Maybe it’s because Trump is finally helping Rudy Colludy pay his legal bills… by asking other people to pay his legal bills.
David Waldman welcomes Greg Dworkin for only the second time this week. Not that Greg isn’t always welcome, it’s just that we are running short of days this week...
Yes, President Joe Biden is old. He’s not as old as Mitch McConnell, that’s for sure. In fact, Joe Biden is every bit as young as Mick Jagger! And yet, no one can stop handwringing about Joe’s age… Doesn’t that make you feel so ANGRY? Well, repurpose that anger into moving democratic and Democratic ideals forward and changing what can be changed. At least Biden can’t be impeached over “age” lies.
The coach who wanted to promote Christian theocracy in high school football was fired. The Christian theocratic Supreme Court wouldn’t allow it. The coach could quit though, once he proved his point after one game.
Florida home-schoolers school each other on how to game the state for Disney tickets, PS5s, and big-screen TVs.
TFFG is legal trouble. He lost, he’s losing, and he’s set to be the losing-est loser who ever lose-ed. Evidence keeps building, co-defendants keep flipping, judges are already tiring of him. All of his followers and associates are being herded into court like cattle through a stockade. Peter Navarro and John Eastman qualify for the express lane.
Brad Raffensperger though is but a simple “Secretary of the State of Georgia”, he can’t take Donald Trump off the ballot as if he was some sort of rule-breaker!
The war between the states rages on. At least the war between state Gops and the rule of law. And in Texas, Greg Abbott isn’t allowed to send migrants through buoys, nets and buzz saw blades anymore.
It’s the Wednesday KITM Special! Compared to Tuesday, we have somewhat less Joan, but a lot more Greg Dworkin, and about equal measures of David Waldman, all topped with a healthy dollop of news!
Enrique Tarrio isn’t such a proud boy anymore and will be sent up the river for a long, long time. Not hardly long enough, nonetheless his verdict is a pretty effective example for those not wanting to follow him. Kingpin of the operation, Donald J. Trump, remains at large, however Special counsel Jack Smith continues to throw ever larger dragnets, hoping to reel him in shortly.
Then there’s the 14th amendment, sitting right there for 155 years, waiting to be implemented for just this situation. The Civil War continues to rage on, with Republicans defying the law to cut down democracy in several states. In Alabama, a federal court stepped in to block a congressional redistricting map that defied Supreme Court orders. And in Wisconsin, the Gop is attempting to impeach their new Supreme Court justice before she can even hear a case.
The economy isn’t working Republican’s way either, which is to say it is working. There’s nothing left for them to do but to try Benghazing Hunter. If that doesn't work, MAGA might need to postpone their overthrow of the government for another day. 50 thousand fake federal workers will just need to stand down and stand by. Meanwhile, the Wall Street Journal hopes to interest the Right with a rational, intelligent alternative… That’s their problem right there.
David Waldman is back with an all-new, live (for those who partake) KITM. Joan McCarter is back with all the latest from DC, though she’s still recovering from a rough strain of Covid. Who knows how many of us are catching the stuff again. Get well, and good luck.
There’s a lot of opportunities for bipartisanship in Washington, but many more for doing nothing. Republicans are busy dreaming of dismantling the US government to replace it with Trump’s vision, which will mean a lot less work for everybody all around, and more beer and lightbulbs for those left standing. Christian militia minutemen are trained and ready to help in cleanup. Marge Greene and Elon Musk already have input to share. Greene is ready to shut it all down right now unless Joe Biden is impeached for attacking her because she said she would shut it all down right now unless Joe Biden is impeached. If Laura Loomer actually believes she can out-nuts MTG to win Donald Trump’s rose, she’s got to be crazy nuts.
All the astroturf in the world won’t help Ken Paxton, six feet above his head.
Taking the day off is the only sensible approach to Labor Day. Not that we've always done it. But we're doing it now, so that's what matters.
It also gives us a chance to reflect on the fact that we're marking a full year since Biden's "Battle for the Soul of the Nation" speech. And while it's gratifying to see a few people FO what happens when they FA, we're a long way from done.
And I don't feel like I've just lived through a year of battle for the soul of the nation. Do you?
That either means we haven't done nearly enough yet, or... it means we've done plenty, even if there's more to do, and this might be easier than we think.
Here's how it felt a year ago, at the outset:
David Waldman annotates our reading assignments for the weekend:
President Joe Biden appeared before our entire nation last night to address the Soul of our Nation. Well, most of our nation. If all you have are rabbit ears on your TV you might have missed out. Joe believes in the goodness of Americans, including most Republicans. Biden did single out that deplorable sub-group of “MAGA Republicans”, pro-insurrection, anti-democratic, anti-American and a danger to everyone. Republicans respond angrily. MAGA Republicans respond angrily-er. Give the corporate media a minute to figure out what the real offenses might be.
Much of this started with Newt Gingrich.
Michigan reveals anti-democracy in action when the largest number of signatures submitted for a ballot initiative in state history were rejected by the two Republicans on the election board.
The DOJ filed a detailed property inventory on the items seized at Mar-a-lago. Donald Trump never trusted anyone else with classified documents and had to take care of unloading them all himself. He was almost finished when the present President of the United States decided he had executive privilege over his remaining stock.
Fridays often cast a wide net for KITM content. And this one’s no exception.
First, we return to and finish up the story of Russia’s disinformation “active measures” in Africa, where people are increasingly turning off old school Western media and turning to online sources.
The other Judge Starr isn’t exactly slamming on the brakes with his order for “religious-liberty training” for Southwest Airlines’ lawyers.
Clarence Thomas claims he was clearing things up with a revised financial disclosure. But, ah… no. In fact, it only raises more questions, including why he’s such a vicious Gimmetarian.™
The #GunFAIL story that getting all the eyes: a Tennessee woman, claiming she was conducing “firearms safety training” — for a 4-year-old — shot her point blank in the chest and killed her. Why any of the things that happened happened is anybody’s guess. Life is complicated. Now, so is death.
David Waldman invites Maestro Greg Dworkin to The KITM Stage this morning for another virtuoso performance, Mr. Waldman in support, ostensibly “cooperative overlap”, actually in contrapuntal reinforcement, adding transcendent dissonant texture.
TFFG is losing bigly in the courts no matter what he tries to pull. Donald Trump is so sick of losing, he might just stop showing up in court. Republicans hope to put a stop to courts, judges and laws before things really get tough and they need to take out Black people, women, etc.
Rich Christian homeschoolers want public schools to be like their home schools for everyone, for parental rights, natch, and are paying to make it happen. Florida wants their schools to teach the “other” side of slavery.
More people going to school just means more people will get shot. (Follow George on Threads!)
Dog owners are turning down rabies shots so that their dogs don’t catch autism. And you wonder why the election is so close. (Follow Liam on Threads!)
At least election denialism lost again, this time in a red-trending Iowa county.
Justice continues to march on. (Follow Kyle on Threads!) John Eastman’s “I’m too busy being a criminal somewhere else” defense was taken down in his disbarment proceedings.
Hurricane Idalia is hitting Georgia, so maybe it’s not a hurricane anymore? Trump wouldn’t have let this happen. (Follow Steve on Threads!)
David Waldman is here for the Tuesday KITM, but unfortunately for us, Joan McCarter is under the weather, leaving it to David to ring the Tuesday Government Shutdown bell.
Joe the Plumber is out also, but more permanently. “Samuel Joseph Wurzelbacher”, as it probably reads on his headstone, opposed full insurance reform, but apparently not asking for crowdfunded healthcare.
TFFG’s election subversion trial will begin March 4. He’ll be arraigned September 6. Demand grows to remove Trump from state ballots. Donald’s squealing like a 215lb piggie. What more could you wish for?
Hillsdale College is the Republican go-to spot to pick up the latest in White Christian Nationalist grooming kits… that is “Parental Rights” kits for degrading K-12 public education. Lawyer Michael Farris came up with the idea of destroying public schools while home-schooling his kids.
Hurricane Idalia hasn’t made landfall yet, so anti-FEMA loons and grifters are on the Soros-funded Lahaina death ray theories.
Yes, Greg Dworkin watched at least some of the debate, not that any of us ever had to.
DeSantis’ loss was a given, and it seems his leaked strategy to “hammer Ramaswamy” was co-opted by everyone else. And with good reason! He’s the candidate Greg says it’ll take you mere seconds to come to hate. Which is why Gop goons swooned for him. (Even as the “normies” couldn’t get any sicker of the culture war fixations.)
Meanwhile, TFG skipped the debate as expected, pretending to be on white nationalist “television,” instead. Though it’s unclear if anyone saw it.
Useless or not, there’s no escaping the polls.
The courtroom and motions action continues down in Georgia.
Mamas, don’t let your babies grow up to be Jonathan Turleys.
Judge Luttig speaks out — probably very slowly — on the hot topic of 14th amendment remedies, and says the answer is both self-evident and self-executing. But is that a good idea in the age of birtherism, forged Electoral College votes, and baseless impeachment fever?
David Waldman and Greg Dworkin present another thrilling episode of KITM: Donald Trump, COUNTDOWN TO SURRENDER!
Tonight’s Episode: A Cavalcade of RINOS. Watch to see who will win the coveted title of World’s Smallest Loser. (We already know it’ll be Ron DeSantis.) All of them know that the biggest loser is TFFG, but none of them have the courage or wisdom to say that… well, except for Chris Christie, but that’s his schtick. None of really want to win anyway, they just hope to outlive MAGA. MAGA differ from regular Republicans in many ways, but not all of those pertain to aroma.
Speaking of Rudy Colludey, He and his irrefutable vindicating scientific evidence have arrived in Georgia for their mugshot. John Eastman and other co-defendants beat the rush and got photographed by the pre-dawn crew. Mark Meadow explained that his life as a rat is much too hectic to participate in state trials. Jeffrey Clark feels no guilt, as he was only following orders. As for the rest of the riff raff rounded up, the smaller the name, the more likely they are to flip.
For instance, “Trump Employee 4” in Donald’s classified documents case realized he was on the bottom of the fall guy line and found himself a new lawyer. Judge Aileen Cannon thought she’d outsmart Jack Smith, but you know you found a fine time to flip then Yuscil. Yuscil Taveras took a barbed wire wrapped baseball bat to Trump’s defense, and that’s going to leave a mark.
What’s Dark Brandon up to lately? Who knows? The dude is mysterious… Meanwhile, President Joe Biden is out there mopping up foes, and getting the job done.
Sure, it’s Trump Surrender Week, but should remind ourselves that the rest of the world has its own priorities. For example, the International Day Commemorating the Victims of Acts of Violence Based on Religion or Belief. Now that’s a mouthful!
Trump’s set to ruin my birthday present, by turning himself in a day early. On top of that, he’s skipping the Republican debate to go on white nationalist “TV”. Best guess: he wants no oxygen left for debate night or the day after.
Online betting is off and running on the surrender. Are they actually going to weigh him, too? They’re running an over-under on it, so… maybe? (Current line: 278.5 lbs.)
In other surrender news, he’s gonna have to post bail. At least some, anyway.
Oh, hey… what about that thing where Mark Meadows was attempting to remove his case to federal court? What’s that all about?
And if you’re still puzzled (or just annoyed) by Trump apologists disingenuously claiming things like, “Oh, so now calling a Secretary of State on the phone is a crime?!” then it’s time for a little (read: a lot of) discussion about the definition and role of “overt acts” in a conspiracy, and in a conspiracy indictment.
Friday brings us the Exciting Conclusion™ of “W, precisely, TF was going on in Coffee County?”
We’re not too sure that what Kenneth “The Cheese” Chesebro was doing for TFG was actual “lawyering.” But we’re sure that what he was doing during the actual insurrection part of Jan. 6 wasn’t.
That wacky order for “religious liberty training” for Southwest Airlines’ lawyers is on hold. But then again, well… 5th Circuit.
Rosalyn MacGregor is back, to keep us up to date on bleeding edge local crazies, the Ottawa County, MI Gop, busily robbing everyone blind.
What should you be reading about this weekend? How about (possibly planned) incompetence at Florida’s New College, wrecking everything?
Or Rudy Colludy’s desperate begging for a legal bills bailout? Because apparently he didn’t steal enough from “documentary” investors.
Or this crossover from the Southwest Airlines story (you’ll see, or hear, anyway), wherein a coordinated trolling campaign is underway in support of disgraced superjerk Ken Paxton.
David Waldman and Greg Dworkin are back, and here to talk to each other again, but it’s ok if you want to hang out too.
Democrats need to face facts. Whether they like it or not, they now need to accept the uneasy truth that they… might be... winning. Republicans are certainly losing and are getting tired of pretending that they aren’t. The news media is finding it tougher to invent a second, rational, side with debates still coming up. It is clear that the majority of Americans want Donald Trump placed far, far away from where the majority of them are.
Don’t count Donald Trump out yet. He’s got plenty of options still. Donald still has Mike Lindell, for instance. And Matt Gaetz, Marjorie Traitor Greene, ~~Jenna Ellis, Rudy Giuliani~~, ~~John Eastman~~ and ~~so many~~ more ready to give their all for him. Trump might still throw all of them, and all of us, under the bus. What’s he got to lose? Luckily, Donald has that IRREFUTABLE report in his back pocket, or there’d be real trouble.
How about a nice big cup of Coffee County, Georgia?
A school district asked ChatGPT to find the naughty bits in books for them. AI knows just what they are hungry for.
It’s Wednesday, so you know David Waldman and Greg Dworkin are up to something…
It’s a good year to be an annotator. Donald Trump’s fourth indictment is out, and anybody who’s anybody is getting arraigned. Are four strikes too many to call Trump out? Are RICO charges too much? Or did Fani Willis bring perfect charges for perfect phone calls? TFFG has so many indictments, we can now appreciate how well they complement each other. There could be a market for Trump judge trading cards, so we can all keep track of Trump’s insults. Trump’s crimes will start to feel like crimes after Trump starts to feel that they are. Georgia’s indictment of Trump is a confirmation of states’ rights, Governor Brian Kemp should feel proud. So should his lieutenant governor, Burt Jones.
Jack Smith isn’t going to let Georgia take all the spotlight. Smith picked up a lot of data on Trump from Twitter, even after they tried to give Donald a heads up. Twitter’s lawyers knew that they could do that… from Twitter.
None of this matters to Trump supporters. The thing is, there are less of those every day. There are also less DeSantis and Pence supporters. That puts Chris Christie right in the 9% catbird seat! It also ain’t hurting Biden any.
Ace KITM Correspondent Rosalyn MacGregorbrings us the latest out of Michigan: Civil war or something! That “something” will be the daydreams of 16 felony convicts looking at their cell walls.
And, youth activists in Montana win in a first-of-its-kind climate trial.
Bad news... No one is coming to your Biden Country diner to better understand you. Good news! David Waldman and Greg Dworkin are waiting here at KITM, and they care about most of your plights!
Is this the end of Trump? Well, for the racketeer Former Guy, it’s just the beginning of RICO. Georgia Fulton County DA Fani Willis is set to bring a whole lot of hammers down on Donald Trump, and several of his soon-to-be ex-friends. Georgia prosecutors will prove Trump’s team is behind the Coffee County voting machine breach, and that Team Trump knew the Dominion claims were false. Lindsey Graham might not be indicted, but he’s always likely to flip anyhow, and naturally Donald would give up any one of them in a heartbeat.
Trump’s co-conspirators are already starting to turn on each other. Why are so many of Trump’s alleged co-conspirators lawyers? Of course, the person who wants to see Donald Trump in jail the most is Donald Trump. If indictments boost Trump in the polls, just think what conviction could do!
Leonard Leo, gimme-est of gimme-terians has installed a lot of gimmeterian judges, but his proudest achievement might be Judge Aileen Cannon.
David Waldman makes certain that no pontoon boats of ignorance block Greg Dworkin’s docking of his Raft o’ Stories!™ on today’s KITM.
What really happened in Loudoun County? You should have a pretty good idea by now. After all, we covered it thoroughly all this week. Glenn Youngkin rode the conservative transphobic/homophobic wave into the Virginia Governor’s office, and maybe all the way into the Republican nomination, now that Ron DeSantis’ wave is spinning around the toilet bowl. No, make that “Ronald” DeSantis, to stay within new Florida school guidelines, which of course were put in place to keep little Ronalds from becoming Ronettes, and Glenns from becoming Glendas. The folks who claim that the gender spectrum is in people’s heads now also want to deny that it is in anyone’s head.
Donald Trump says he won't sign the RNC loyalty pledge required for the upcoming debate. Nice to know that TFFG isn’t a big fan of loyalty, as he shouldn’t expect to see much more for the rest of his life. As I write this, Donald does not yet face the death penalty, but most of what he does face is not up for debate. The “independent state legislature” theory won’t save him, nor will Bill Clinton’s cat. Threats will get him nowhere; they might just make it worse.
Clarence Thomas has had a great life, built upon an unearned lifestyle supplied through thelargess of rich white men... On the other hand, perhaps Clarence earned every penny of it.
Ohio’s Issue 1 was all about abortion. Republicans fooled almost no one. Worse for them, even less people will be fooled the next time. Almost no one believes that they have anything on President Joe Biden, and the ones who do believe, are going to be really disappointed.
Get well soon, Hawaii!
On Wednesday’s David Waldman catches up with Greg Dworkin. Actually, we all catch up with Greg, who is way ahead of us on the latest news.
OHIO! Voters like freedom and democracy and will vote to protect them. It’s funny how many pundits doubted that a year ago. Now, the Gop war on democracy is in retreat, as abolishing abortion turned out to be a bridge too far. Today, Republicans are making excuses and covering their tracks. Tomorrow, they’ll be back at it, again. They’ll need more than transphobia next time.
Back in the day, Glenn Youngkin was elected Governor by transphobes. He’d have a tougher time now. Then again, harassing non-believers has lately become religious freedom.
The tide might be turning in Ohio for Joe Biden. Not just because of abortion rights, but because of Ohio’s betrayal by the Trump administration. It also turns out that being indicted several times isn’t the selling point Donald had hoped for. Prosecuting Donald Trump may have terrible consequences, but they’re nothing compared to not prosecuting him.
The Former Guy and his Six Co-Conspirators secretly planned, and memoed to overturn Joe Biden’s election win.
Donald Trump insulting Chris Christie’s appearance is like the pot calling the kettle fat.
David Waldman and his dedicated staff here at KITM World Headquarters are in the midst of a little late spring housekeeping. From now on, whenever I need to post a link to “the social media site formally known as bird”, I will try to find an identical link somewhere else... It would be nice If only we migrated to the same place! David and I are both at Mastodon (a very quiet neighborhood). I’m also at Threads, which actually would be just dandy with a desktop version. But now David is also over at the other, other billionaire’s place, Bluesky. Maybe he’ll send you and me an invite and we can check that out.
Also, I when I get paywalled links, I do hope to include a non-paywalled alternative, so that you might spend your hard-earned entertainment/educational bucks on us. Read along with Jack Smith’s Trump indictment in the NYT version, or on MSNBC’s and let KITM do the annotating!
It seems like only yesterday that David was throwing his back out lugging bags of mulch for his kid’s Boy Scout troops. The Scouts could use sandbags in South Korea as a tropical storm bears down on their Jamboree.
Many big, huge lawyers, tears streaming down their eyes, say “Mr. Trump sir, you are the most stupid, awful client who ever existed”. These lawyers now claim that the DOJ is out to censor their bigmouthed boss and propose that everyone just lighten up a little on their gasbag dotard.
Donald’s Secret Service detail might, or might not, be ready to take a bullet for him, but could draw the line on going to prison with him.
We continue to look into the full story of the Loudoun County sexual assault case used to ignite culture wars ahead of Glenn Youngkin’s election to Governor.
Are you an Ohioan? Vote today! Get ready to vote in November!
It’s Friday, the day David Waldman talks about as many topics as he wants, or as few. Today, it is one. TFFG’s January 6 Indictment.
We are now post-arraignment. Donald Trump supposedly doesn’t drink, but it might have crossed his mind last night. Trump plans to do just more of the same in the future. Maga plans to do worse. Donald’s lawyers plan even dumber moves, but that would be difficult. The media wonders if Donald Trump has already won.
So far Walt Nauta hasn’t gotten any of his lawyers disbarred.
What if you don’t want to think about Donald Trump this weekend? Republicans certainly can come up with some suggestions for you, although most won’t occupy your mind for long. Whatever you hope to think about, you are allowed to think about it less in Florida. You could talk about the weather...
At least David has the perfect playlist and soft drink for the weekend.
Another indictment, another arraignment, another KITM, and David Waldman and Greg Dworkin are here and ready to rumble.
Here is where you come for not only the latest TFFG indictment annotated, but also for added comments, asides, and little notes scribbled in the margins. This indictment is the most important, so far. Expect a lot of bellyaching, obfuscation, and threats from Trump, which is what you always expect from Trump. Expect the same from Republicans, unless they’re too scared to talk, or too, heh, “conscientious” and heh-heh, “forthright”, heh-heh-heh.
Some are concerned that these indictments might be great news… for Donald Trump! Consider how prison time could empower him! David Brooks cashes in his contrarian paycheck wondering if perhaps the anti-Trump elite should turn themselves in for picking on Donald so much.
Trump’s January 6 crimes are different because people felt them then and feel them now. TFFG is on his way to overtake both Richard Nixon and Benedict Arnold. Trump’s indictment leaves his alleged co-conspirators facing an incredibly easy choice… but who will go first?
This news is not great news for state Gop parties, which won’t be great news for Trump the next time he needs them.
Evel Knievel passed away a long time ago. So might a few of his fan base. But if Barbie can make a comeback...
Well, there was really only one thing on our minds today, even if there were a hundred ways to approach it. And of course, Greg Dworkin always knows exactly what it is: The Indictment. Of Michigan Attorney General candidate Matt DePerno and ex-state Rep. Daire Rendon. On charges of tampering with voting machines. As Republicans. Because all of their accusations are confessions. Then there was another story. And that took up the rest of our day. That’s OK. It’s important! And there were a lot of unindicted co-conspirators for Trump to try to lay the blame on, in between claiming that the whole thing is a “witch hunt,” of course. The co-conspirators’ day may yet come, but for now, America awaits The Trial. Because yeah, it’s as bad as you think. Now begins the task of setting fire to the tightropes Republicans have always been forced to walk for Trump. If you’re in the commodities market, think popcorn.
It’s August, as we count down to David Waldman’s, and my birthday. But that’s old news. (Very old.) Here’s what’s happening today:
Ian Reifowitz, word for word your best value in reading entertainment and political discourse, came on to talk about inflation, and the lack thereof in political discourse and how best to frame any discourse going forward into 2024.
Twitter isn’t much good for discussing politics, following news, or even being Twitter anymore, but if you are looking for a fight, you came to the right place. David stepped in for a little sparring practice and found some pushovers around the topic of what piece of Earth to place Space Command. Of course, that particular issue attracts dopes across the spectrum, from Lauren Boebert all the way to Tommy Tuberville, who in this case makes Lauren look as smart as an MTG.
Bidenomics is a spectacular success story that Incumbent President Joe Biden is riding all the way to… a dead heat. How does that work? Well, Fox News, for one, who not only support Trump over Biden, they support Trump uber alles. And, as always, it would be nice if Dems got arrayed, even the ones who have a point.
Ketanji Brown Jackson is the new champion of originalism in the Supreme Court. That’s okay by Samuel Alito, he doesn’t need it anymore now that he has the majority. Democrats think they can tell Sam what to do, according to Joan McCarter, but making Sam do it is another matter. If you want the Republican House to do anything, you’ll have to find them first.
More defendants in the Trump documents case means more chances to flip on Trump, but also more opportunities to delay.
Person for all seasons, even those Eastern Orthodox ones, David Waldman welcomes eminent herdsperson of pundits and polls Greg Dworkin for today’s Month Closing, Week (But Strong) Opening KITM:
Donald Trump says that his Republican opponents might as well just give up. He’s right of course, every one of them is a loser. Just ask any of his challengers, and they’ll tell you. (If you can find any of them.) 71% of Gop voters stand with Trump even considering all his indictments and investigations. After all, that is what they are paying for.
For over 50 years Ed Rollins has worked for losers. Ed knows losers and knows that Ron DeSantis is a loser. Donors are beginning to catch on that DeSantis isn’t going anywhere but down. Except for his Nazi and Confederacy supporters though. They have a thing for losers.
Democratic Governor Andy Beshear did a lot for voting rights in Kentucky, which is one of the things Kentucky Republicans have against him. Beshear just might be the guy to “Mitch McConnell” Mitch McConnell.
Wunderkind Jared Kushner grows up and finds that his Times Square property isn’t worth the dirt it sits on. Qatar still treats him like family.
The Biden campaign might not be demoting lawyer Marc Elias, but rather refocusing him.
Freshman jerk Derrick Van Orden picked on Congressional pages after a little too much beer and cheese with lobbyists. He can go bully kids in the private sector.
David Waldman releases a Surprise Superseding KITM.
TFFG told his lackies to delete security footage at Mar-a-Lago, according to Jack Smith’s superseding indictment update released last night. Henchmen hid in closets, bushes and spoke in secret emojis, and yet somehow were still found out. New revelations are now emerging, each more hilarious than the last.
The only one having it worse than Donald might be Ron DeSantis, who already ceded his religion and heritage to the giamopes, yet every day finds himself forced to prove that he’s a meaner dumbass than Trump.
It’s become a nice climate for raising mean dumbasses lately, as “Active club” hate groups pop up across the nation. Somehow Elon Musk is still having a tough time.
Poor-man’s Steven Sagal, freshman Republican Derrick Van Orden chewed out a group of high school-aged Senate pages for not living up to his ideals, which include paying for his January 6 insurrection field trip with campaign cash and exposing… some other guy’s abnormal genitals to unsuspecting female officers.
Speaking of streaming flow difficulties, actors, writers and fans are just beginning to feel the pain.
Greg Dworkin has a theme today, but it wasn’t UFO-mania, or even Rudy Colludy’s confession. Seems the Ron DeSantis campaing is sinking like a stone. Staff are being cut (some more pointedly than others), plagued by an horrific burn rate, terrible polls, and of course, his latest “education” disaster (which, thank God, even some conservatives find appalling) all combined to leave “DeSantis in Disarray.”
In other good news, apparently there were eight subpoenas served in TFG’s Perv-a-Lago documents case. Even better, the youngs are smart and have their heads screwed on right.
Tommy Tuberville is a jerk for many, many reasons. But there’s at least one new one that Glenn Kessler thinks is important enough to call him out about, but refuses (for some strange reason) to invoke the “dreaded” Pinocchio count for.
We headed back to Ohio for more on their convoluted ballot initiative battle. Depending on who you are, Ohio’s Gop either desperately wants you to believe the August vote is about abortion and nothing else, or alternatively, not about abortion at all, thank you very much.
And speaking of heading back, we pulled a procedural U-turn to revisit our own wild speculation about the effect of a government shutdown on the lunatic Gop’s impeachment plans. Where does the Judiciary’s funding come from? And what happens if it’s still unfunded when they want the Chief Justice to show up?
***** **David Waldman** returns for a second consecutive day to *KITM World Headquarters*. He hasn’t changed out of his speedo and sunglasses yet, but I believe he’ll stick around for the week.
Alabama shows our country hasn’t changed… It certainly shows that it plans to stay Alabama as long as possible and ignore SCOTUS in order to keep its 1in 4 Black population at 1 in 7 representation.
Over in Virginia however, Arlington Public Schools won’t comply with their state’s anti-trans school board policy.
Billionaire graft with Supreme Court Justices isn’t just handy for the legal favors, you know. Harlan Crow has turned his court bribes into a successful tax scam on the side. That’s billionaire business school 101.
Oh, look at the time! House Republicans realized summer break is about here, so they plan to get 12 appropriations bills and an impeachment or two through before Friday. Unfortunately, those Republicans have will have to contend with the other Republicans in the Senate.
DC is at peak chaos and destruction. Time to bring in Joan McCarter to call the shit show. Kevin McCarthy thinks he can be flexible, but he will never bend over far enough for the Freedom Caucus. And, they haven’t even begun to self-destruct on abortion and all things sexual.
David Waldman’s famous nom de plume, “Kagro X”, suddenly doesn’t have the cachet it once held, now that Elon is pasting “X” on everything. The old bird social media site is now an X media site, and its tweets are… Well, whoever cared what an X ever had to say anyhow?
Greg Dworkin shows up with not one, but TWO Rafts O’ Stories™ The Gop is doing it wrong and doubling down. Ron DeSantis leads that effort, but that’s all he will be leading. Ron is burning through donations and campaign staff in order to maintain the lifestyle he’s accustomed to. The DeSantis reboot aims to be leaner and meaner, but mostly meaner. He’s certainly tightening up his number of followers. Florida students are set to learn that the reason slaves were always so happy was because of all the on-the-job training they received. Ron disavows ever saying anything that nice.
Ohio’s August vote might demonstrate how a plurality of voters still favor democracy and humanity.
DeSantis is presently running a distant second… or third, or fourth behind Donald Trump, who is running a not too distant, but not too close second behind President Joe Biden. Maybe the one to watch is Tim Scott, the Un-Trump. “None of the Above” isn’t faring well but does awfully once any names are attached.
Donald Trump never understood what being a President means, and if reelected will guarantee that no one ever will again. Imagine what the Supreme Court will do for Trump next time… unless you are German, then that would be a little too much imagination.
That reminds me, things keep happening elsewhere on Earth. Israeli lawmakers revoked their Supreme Court's authority to overturn government decisions. And, if you don’t know what Karl is doing in Ukraine, you don’t know half the story.
David Waldman is still out, partially submerged in crystal blue water off the West Indies, in the North Atlantic, somewhere due south of here. Tropical hedonism might have gone to his head by now, but last week David still cared about us enough to pre-record today’s KITM, adding welcome contributions by Ace KITM Correspondent Rosalyn MacGregor!
Lunatic Michigan Republican Party chair Kristina Karamo and eight others have been ordered to pay more than $58,000 because of their insane and malicious voter fraud claims, leaving the Michigan Gop maybe not enough to buy lunch this week. Gop signature collectors forged enough signatures to earn 79 felony charges. So, have they learned anything? Nah. Ottawa county declared that monkeypox vaccines only encourages monkeypox behavior, but reporting your boss to HR is just asking for trouble. Michigan fundamentalists rejoice in SCOTUS cutting LGBTQ rights yet blame women voters for giving them any rights in the first place.
David goes deep into the strategies to save our friends and relatives from falling into radicalizing algorithm rabbit holes.
Minnesota hired its first Black police chief to begin addressing issues of racial profiling, and crime dropped. Maybe it was because half of the police force quit.
We’re on vacation this week, which means I’m only “working” three out of five days. But as you know, 3 out of 5 is 60%, and that’s enough to invoke cloture.
The other 40% of the week is covered by re-runs. But not just any re-runs. They’re “Throwback Episodes!” Either because they’re so damned old, or because you’ll want to “throwback” some booze, to get over how bad the sound quality was in “those days.”
Trust me, it’s better than a “throw-up episode.”
So today, we’re taking you all the way back to July 18, 2016. What a time! What a year! What were we doing?
Well, since you ask...
David Waldman begins KITM with a coffee break, you should too, it will be a busy week!
Greg Dworkin brings us the pre-convention polls. Hillary’s in the lead now, let’s see what the Trump/Pence bump brings the Gop. Will convention star power destabilize what has been so far stable polling? Clinton leads Trump 76 -14 with Latinos. Mike Pence finds he must go from Indiana, but then falls into the Von Clownstick Zone.
Taunting insiders inadvertently drove Donald Trump to show us he could run for president. Trump has made America more racist. Republicans are OK with that. Donald Trump turns out to be a fictional character, but a genuine “asshole”.
Experts contend that Trump is bad at the art of the deal, but a natural at spinning the truth. Journalists discover their inner Murrows. Trump and kids named in a $250M Tax Scam. Therefore, Hillary Clinton must not be just defeated, she needs to be punished. Poisonous toads are instinctive enemies in the wild.
Kagro in the Morning is not so “Live!” this week. Jet-setting honcho of KITM Worldwide Enterprises David Waldman is reportedly “Live!” in the Bahamas David did say that’s where he went, but other than that one picture, no one is even quite sure what Mr. Waldman looks like. No one is certain also about “Proud Democrat, a former field organizer for President Joe Biden and volunteer for the Obama Foundation”, Erica Marsh, but whoever she is, she is probably not any of those.
(David however did record three brand-new 1 hour shows! One is for today, the next for Wednesday, July 19, and the last drops Friday, July 21. We are back with full, live two-hour KITMs on Monday, July 24!)
Fake left-wing troll Erica Marsh was kicked off Twitter, while real right-wing trolls are now making loads of cash. January 6 insurrectionists have been hauling it in as well, but the government they turned against wants to claw it back.
Meanwhile, victims of gun violence still recovering from visible and invisible wounds are forgotten.
Ace KITM Correspondent Rosalyn MacGregor has recorded reports for all of this week’s shows! The ball-busting, rib-cracking Michigan Republican civil war worsens, with maniac Gop Leader Kristina Karamo throwing away millions of RINO money connected to the last Republican Governor Rick Snyder, whose cash doesn’t smell as good as someone’s like William U. Parfet.
Another day on the road — actually, on the quad — which means we jump back in time 364 days, and roll out our July 14, 2022 episode for an “encore performance.”
Why July 14th? Because it turns out I was on the road last July 13th, too! It’s just my way of getting a reverse-Eastern Orthodox jump on Bastille Day, I guess.
Confused? Well, luckily for you, in “today’s” episode, I explain where I was and why.
Where I was last year, that is. Where I am this year, you’ll have to wait until next reverse-Eastern Orthodox Bastille Day to find out.
But here’s how we spent regular Bastille Day last year:
David Waldman returns today from his local tour of giant statues honoring intermediate presidents, including a quick stop at the Senator Robert A. Taft Carillon. Not yet installed: The Senator Ted Cruz Swine Pavillion, and Senator Josh Hawley Transphobia Odeum.
KITM Anglophiles, Yankee Brexiteers and Boris haters have questions, and Greg Dworkin is here withthe answers, and the polls!
Update: The Republican story on the 10-year-old Ohio girl raped and pregnant first was "It's all a lie!", then, "Maybe she's a slut?", then, "Oh, so her rapist was an illegal alien!", to "We should probably execute her doctor." Stay tuned!
The Herald-Tribune do have standards but can’t help it if their writers’ are too low, or their readers’ are too high. Fairfax County police drew guns on a juvenile recording on smartphone, because no one knows more than cops just how much pain those things can cause.
It turns out that Mark Meadows caused all those bad things on January 6. Could Steven KG Bannon and Donald Trump be partially to blame for not reigning him in when they had the chance? Lindsey Graham, Juris Doctor, gets law-schooled. The Proud Boys, QAnon and The Oath Keepers all went where they were aimed. Senators in both parties who want to prevent the next Jan. 6 are not waiting for the select panel’s verdict.
Wow, it feels just like a Tuesday… said probably no one... except us KITM listeners! That’s because we all look forward to David Waldman welcoming Joan McCarter and her latest analysis of DC machinations.
Republican machinations usually involve impeding, obstructing, debilitating and devaluing the machinery of government. They only keep the government running so that they can continue to threaten to shut it down.
The stench of corruption grows around the Supreme Court, as it is revealed that Clarence Thomas’ Horatio Alger story isn’t rags to riches as much as it is whatever story billionaires want to tell Clarence before they tuck him in at night.
North Dakota Governor Doug Burgum will give out $20 gift cards to the first 40,000 people who give him a dollar to be president. Vivek Ramaswamy hopes to outbid Burgum for their affection.
Tommy Tuberville is totally against non-white racists. Republican women learn that their complicity will not protect them. School boards elected to fight Covid lockdowns then moved to fight against teaching black history and are presently against LGBTQ history. It’s pretty hard to teach history anymore.
James Comer’s “Hunter Biden whistleblower” turns out to be an arm-dealing Chinese spy, somehow making Comer seem trustable, at least in comparison.
TFFG wants a delay in his classified documents case, a forever delay if possible, or at least until he has time to judge the case himself.
Meanwhile, Putin welcomed back his mutinous commanders, giving them all big kisses and sending them on their merry way.
Unlike next week, David Waldman and Greg Dworkin are here this week, except for Thursday... More on that later, but first, in the Barbie news, Vietnam, and Republicans are incensed over Barbie’s pinko leanings. The problem is, you never know if China is also playing.
Are you threading? You or 100 million someones you know have already begun to thread. Sure, that giant mass of Meta subscribers mostly flowed from their app of images over to their app of ideas, but it is that same giant mass that will eventually draw in the interesting ideas. So, if we all follow the news on Threads, the news will follow all of us over to Threads. And Elon Musk loses, so there’s also that.
Tucker Carlson picked a bad time and place to be a MAGA superstar. Of course, his biggest mistake was being Tucker Carlson. It’s getting tougher for MAGA supporters every day. John Eastman is facing disbarment. Gop states quit the program that fights voter fraud, believing pretending there is a threat is better for them than facing it. School board members elected in rage over Covid school closings now busy themselves fighting culture wars.
MAGA in Michigan have found governing to be a real kick in the balls. It’s now become a place where a guy with a doll in a noose might find it difficult to get elected. Republicans hoping for inflation and the economy to sweep them into office will soon have egg on their faces. Anyone with money can still buy a judge, however.
Donald Trump thinks Kari Lake has become a little too easy.
When do you comply with police, and when do you punch them? The answer is complex… wait, no it isn’t.
It’s Friday, and David Waldman performs a solo, all acoustic set:
It’s a slow news week, so the Right has got to freak… Cocaine. They found some blow, they know it must be Joe... Cocaine. Who’s the bad guy, the good guy, the fall guy? Cocaine!
The Supreme Court endowed White Christians with rights mulcted from the LGBTQ on the basis of imaginary damages. Were Justices being played, or were they playing along? Please explain... Why can’t Justices be cross-examined? Why can’t they even be questioned? (David explains.) I guess the only solution is to get more of them.
A Trump-appointed district court judge in Louisiana issued an injunction against the White House working with social media companies to combat disinformation, following the precedent of legal minds Elon Musk and Joe Rogan. This will do more harm than good, which is probably the intent. Meanwhile the Gop is set to defund and dismantle any equal application of any law.
Mark Zuckerberg’s Twitter killer is killing twitter, as would be expected when a few thousand disgruntled employees became gruntled over at Meta. Canada declares war on Zuck.
Marjorie Traitor Greene picked on the wrong person this time: Lil’ Lauren Boebert. Joe Biden laughs. On the other hand, Yevgeny Prigozhin isn’t going anywhere, he’s a made man.
David Waldman, Greg Dworkin and all of us at KITM Worldwide wish all of you a very merry Christmas, and a joyful July 6:
About a million people per hour are signing up to Meta’s Twitter, Threads. A lot of them have been on the rebound from their Twitter breakups, many have been biding their time in “side relationships”, while others have been waiting for Twitter to drop them first. A million people are on Facebook and Instagram at this very moment, telling each other they are too smart to sign up for a Zuckerberg social media platform. Some are looking at Threads and have found it wanting in its first hours out of beta. Others haven’t been able to find it on their internets. Threads will get better. Twitter will get worse.
Americans just like to dislike things. They don’t love to hate things, though, which is where Ron DeSantis went wrong. DeSantis can’t be more Trump than Trump, even if Donald probably wishes he had thought of Ron’s alimony solution earlier.
Mike Pence doesn’t really buy into that “rich need to pay their fair share” thing, might pardon Donald Trump, might finally soon have his mouth flap zipped. Meanwhile, Wisconsin Govenor Tony Evers used his veto scalpel to increase school funding annually for the next 400 years.
Some already expect workarounds on the latest Supreme Court decisions and have been preparing in advance. Few expected them to overturn a 47-year-old precedent, however. The lawyer who presented a fake villain for that case isn’t the kind to look back.
Another day after another National Lee Greenwood Day, and just like last year David Waldman is presenting a yet another KITM under the cloud of more mass shootings and the rain of falling celebratory bullets.
Greg Dworkin believes that it’s time to rescue those freedoms that we celebrate. A rogue, corrupt, and dumbass Supreme Court abolishes freedoms and strangles democracy. President Joe Biden could do something about it, and he probably is, but talking about things sometimes gets in the way of doing things. Joe is happy to do either, and is pretty adept at picking the right choice. Biden is on to Plan B for student debt. Bidenomics is turning out great, but not enough people know that. The markets feel it though.
One form of affirmative action is no longer available because of SCOTUS, so maybe we should look into the others.
Like it or not, Biden vs. Trump II is on. And like usual, Trump is losing. Not like DeSantis is losing, but still. Some Republicans believe a dozen or so impeachments will turn everything around. Donald Trump figures a dozen or so sets of gallows might do the trick.
The White House might want to fight the forces of disinformation heading into this election, but a federal judge won’t let them. On the good side, Jack Smith is still picking through the classified document crime scene, and no one has stopped the prosecution of January 6 insurrectionist-tourists.
Hey look! A Good Guy With A Gun citizen-shot a mass shooter! Except that the Bad Guy With A Gun only a shot a window before his gun jammed. And the GGWAG only then returned and shot the BGWAG… but a win is a win, right?
Happy July 4th!
Yes, we’re doing a re-run. Joan was off for the day, and I had Scott down on my calendar as being out for the day, too. So I figured I’d ~~sleep in~~ celebrate America.
I had to go with the July 5th episode from last year. Not just because I also took last July 4th off, but also because there really was an important thing to remember and acknowledge: Last July 4th was the Highland Park parade mass shooting. I can't believe we're not all still talking about a July 4th parade shooting!
But we did last year. And here’s how we did it:
David Waldman and KITM welcome everyone back from the 4th of July weekend. Injured? Shot? No? Then you did better than a lot of people. At a parade in Highland Park, Illinois, a guy climbed onto a roof and used his assault rifle for its intended purpose, which had also been his intended purpose for weeks. He left 6 dead, 30 injured, and then headed home, where he was gently apprehended by local law enforcement. The local law enforcement attending the parade could not be contacted for comment, or much else. The Chicago White Sox say this is why we can’t have nice things. As always, normal people have normal reactions to this, and abnormal people have abnormal reactions. Highland Park is the last place you’d expect this to happen. It’s definitely the last place Clarence Thomas expected it to happen.
Highland Park wasn’t the only holiday mass shooting. It wasn’t even the only one in the Chicago area. There was panic at a Philadelphia, Pennsylvania fireworks show after shots rang out... Police were somehow injured, and a bullet somehow found its way into a cop’s hat. Philadelphia’s mayor is just tired of this stuff. (These weren’t the only fireworks shows with guns or panic, either.)
Then there’s the mass shooting in Akron, Ohio. Although in this case, a mass of police were shooting a mass of bullets into just one guy, Jayland Walker.
All of this adds up to… well, who knows, but don’t ask Nikki Haley, that’s for sure. The marshal of the Supreme Court wants to crack down on people making noise around the Justices’ houses, and also the people not making noise. Election deniers head out to the offices of their local officials who they know “respond to fear”.
Meanwhile, the Supreme Court will dispose of everyone from Originalists to Schoolhouse Rock by redefining the meaning of “Legislature”.
By a 2-0 decision, voting along ideological lines, David Waldman and Greg Dworkin decided on making a Monday KITM:
The Supreme Court ended affirmative action. Americans are divided on the court’s colorblind decision, literally by shade. Clarence Thomas gifted the US military and penal systems the Black people they need, well, for their own good, and to finally win that argument that he had back in college. Also, to teach Anita Hill, Ketanji Brown Jackson, etc. a thing or two. Justice Jackson saw through all that and let Thomas know. Of course, these dissents are just liberal tears if nothing is done.
It’s the era of judicial “pretzeling”… if that means lying and omissions to justify decisions.
North Carolina Republicans are too extreme for even this Supreme Court and are still planning to burn it all down following the court’s decision.
The first thing Jack Smith will do is come for the Lawyers.
Will Bidenomics both help out people in rural communities… and convince rural voters to vote Democratic?
Doesn’t today feel like a Friday? David Waldman thinks so and prepares us for the weekend, although in the back of his head David’s preparing for his upcoming vacation week swimming with the pigs off Little Exuma... which reminded him of the sixth largest island in the Hawaiian archipelago, colloquially known as “Pineapple Island”, Lana’i. Did you know that “Lanai” is an architectural feature, prominent in southern states, a sort of a patio with a roof, or an unenclosed porch? That reminded David of… Say, this does feel like a Friday, doesn't it? Anyhow, David was reminded of that Florida man and his wife lighting up the pool boy with thirty AR-15 rounds when he turned up late one night. That dude sure messed with the wrong lanai.
Where were we? Oh yes, the Supreme Court. They saved America for Asian Americans yesterday by routing a new generation of Black people into the Armed Forces and the prison system. Clarence Thomas finally got to win that argument he had back in college, just to have fellow Justice Ketanji Brown Jackson “OK Boomer” him. This could encourage more people to read up on Black History, but what college is going to teach it to them? Then again, who can afford to go? Then SCOTUS cut LGBTQ protections in favor of religious liberties. Really, the weekend can’t come soon enough for those guys.
Are you back for more? David Waldman and Greg Dworkin have got some more if that’s what you came looking for.
TFFG wants everyone to remember that he is a moron and a liar, because that’s the only way he’ll get out of his mess. Unfortunately for Trump, he was caught on tape, knowingly telling the truth. Worse yet, Donald was forthright and self-aware in front of a witness, Susie Wiles, who MAGA will soon tie to Trump haters Ron DeSantis, Ronald Reagan, and Giants placekicker Pat Summerall.
Donald Trump hasn’t given up on being truly, epically stupid yet, a strategy that has served him his entire lifetime. All Joe Biden has is quiet competence and a snoring problem, and you know which one of those most interests the Media. People who “disapprove” of Biden will probably eventually vote for him. Never Trumpers won’t have any other choice.
The greatest minds behind the Trump Supreme Court could not rationalize independent state legislature theory... yet. They’re still working on it, and don’t worry they’ll come up with something. Now affirmative action, they’ve contemplated that most of their lives, and knew just what to do when they were given the chance.
The overthrow of Russia is over. All hail Vladimir Putin! That’s optional, of course, but Russian leaders who choose not to shall face some tough questions, and some hard pavement several stories below them. It might be time to kick Russia while it’s down.
David Waldman and Greg Dworkin are ready for anything today, or nothing, whatever comes, or doesn't!
Donald Trump can explain that tape with him bragging about having classified information, demanding people without clearance view the material, and admitting the illegality of it all. Trump points out that he has always been a lying moron, who randomly says things which are sometimes true, and absolutely no one knows what he could blurt out next. Classified, unclassified, declassified… Donald doesn’t know and does not care. Whichever has the most bravado is what he’s looking for.
That Iran memo was not among the 31 records in Trump’s federal indictment. What was Jack Smith thinking? The thing is, Jack Smith doesn't have to tell you what he’s thinking, but you can bet the goings on at Bedminster is a bigger part of it than he’s presently letting on.
Kevin Reek McCarthy is almost smart enough to not blurt out everything going on in his head but will require a bit more training and discipline. The Gop is working on giving everyone a lot less history to remember.
The US is far more globally popular under Joe Biden, and Biden’s support of Ukraine has a solid majority behind it. Biden’s economy has support from even the most conservative, although they won’t admit it, but maybe the word is beginning to get out to the public.
That is why the election is inexplicably close, because of the doubters, the double doubters, the spoilers and the independents… at least we can all agree that Ron DeSantis sucks.
The big news today: David Waldman talked Greg Dworkin into hanging out with us for three segments! A win-win for all of us involved!
It’s morning in Russia, or at least a wakeup call. Russians hit the snooze button and rolled over as Yevgeny Prigozhin’s Wagner troops rolled up to Moscow, then dozed off themselves. So now what? Whatever it is, Ukraine probably likes it. Kevin McCarthy is relieved that finally Putin has learned his lesson.
Kevin McCarthy is confused about a lot of things. Impeach everybody? Or, expunge all previous impeachments? Why don’t we expunge the previous presidency, eliminating the corruption in the Supreme Court, and pre-righting the precedent on Roe? The remaining justices and the Gop would be thankful for returning their honor… at least to their previous status. The pro-choice movement has never been stronger, but of course people would rather have “choice” than “the movement”. Meanwhile, as expected, the court tossed the Trump DC hotel records case, and as not expected, cleared the way for Louisiana to draw a second majority-Black congressional district.
Do you remember when you were growing up? Nikki Haley and MAGA apparently can’t and don’t want to. Not enough people are miserable enough to vote for Donald Trump, and fewer still are available for Ron DeSantis, because then they’d have to be miserable, deplorable and yet college educated. Joe Biden is ahead of TFFG with the non-miserable, non-deplorable, college educated, women, Latinos, independents, youth, etc.. Trump could drag down the Republicans, but on the other hand, Democrats are pretty good at losing.
Well, we have the upshot of the Lauren Boebert impeachment stunt now, and it’s more or less as expected. Shelved until further notice. So much for her super-smart plans for immediate action!
On the other side of the coin, there’s finally a little progress toward accountability for Jan. 6 for John Eastman.
The Gop cries foul and demands… something… about Hunter Biden. Again. Would more serious gun charges have helped them? Or hurt them?
Seems the authorities were onto the idea that Bedminster needed searching, too. Good!
A Gop guy you probably don’t remember, but who has been semi-mad at Trump has filed some paperwork that means you’re supposed to pay attention to him.
Another Gop guy you probably don’t know — unless you’re from North Carolina and into corruption and group sex — is the subject of some paperwork, too.
In another crystalline example of the perils of “why-don’tcha-just-ism,” please enjoy this second Gop failure to “build the wall.”
And, for weekend thinkers: COVID’s not over and never will be, unless we think systemically, and; what happens when “normal” people take national security documents home with them.
David Waldman’s meeting went great, and Russ Stauffer likes us, which is also great, although I don’t believe David told us about the meeting or Russ on today’s KITM. David did however bring on Greg Dworkin, who may not know the answers to those questions, but does know the answers to almost all of the other questions, which is great.
Former British PM Liz Truss apparently doesn’t have a head for politics, nor comedy.
Justice Samuel Alito apparently hasn’t listened to many good alibis.
Other than all the dying, the worst thing about reading all those articles about accidental shootings is seeing all the same tropes being used to avoid assigning any blame.
AI was finally employed for good, to put the fear ofBaphomet into God-fearing Hobby Lobby customers.
Remember TFFG, Donald Trump? The “defendant” hasn’t had all that much fun lately. Trump’s plan is to crime maximally in order to reach escape velocity from his previous crimes. This is a brilliant plan, at least for Chris Christie, who can count on having more fun than just about anyone over the upcoming year.
Outlawing abortion was always a wrong idea, including politically. The Gop is full of those ideas recently, censoring Adam Schiff for getting on their bad side, and planning on impeaching anyone whose name they can spell… and Joe Biden has a pretty easy to spell name. Even Lauren Boebert can spell that name. Marjorie Taylor Greene sure can spell Lauren’s name.
On today’s KITM, David Waldman celebrates the first day of summer, his mother’s (Momma X) birthday and the return of Greg Dworkin, here to supply a full hour of welcome cooperative overlap. (Except when Greg interrupts David mentioning me.)
As the (very) submersible Titan continues its three-hour tour of the bottom of the Atlantic carrying Thurston Howells I through V onboard, signs of life might have been detected. Keep rocking till someone comes a’ knocking!
It turns out that Hunter Biden is indeed guilty. Hunter feels guilty too and admits that, which isn't how a Republican would handle it, so they’re pretty angry right now.
Justice Samuel Alito shows how it’s done, by drafting a pre-confession in support of ProPublica’s reporting on Sam’s grafty hijinks with his Republican megabuddy Paul Singer.
Hurt and Angry voters are descending upon polling places. What's up with those people? It’s a tough time to be a competent non-demagogic public servant, or even the opposite. Donald Trump also has his popularity problems, but once elected plans to make popularity and voting concerns of the past.
In the meantime, the Fifth Circuit federal court is coming for the First Amendment and Marjorie Traitor Greene, Lauren Boebert, etc. fill their empty hours filing impeachments.
David Waldman and we at KITM Worldwide wish you all a pleasant and thoughtful day following this Juneteenth.
The submersible Titan showed it could submerge with the best of them, now going missing close to the wreckage of the Titanic on one of those ill-advised short tours with 5 passengers.
With Donald Trump’s classified documents trial actually kind of coming up soon, TFFG is scrambling to get his “I’m just stupid AF” defense quickly disseminated with the help of Fox News.
Vladimir Putin attempted to assassinate a defecting counterspy in Miami Florida.
Second-worst human on Earth, Andrew Tate has finally been indicted on human trafficking and rape charges in Romania.
Second-dumbest Republican in DC, Tommy Tuberville won’t release his hostage until he is given first place. Democrats can change the rules, but the new rules will just be out-dumbed.
Joan McCarter reports how Democratics embrace the unwritten rules as the Republicans abuse any written ones they can find.
The Gop doesn’t want anyone looking at their disinformation before they get it just perfect.
David Waldman welcomes back Greg Dworkin for only a half-hour of collaborative overlap this morning, to give him a chance to recuperate.
Donald Trump was indicted and arraigned earlier this week, and the dumb hasn’t yet begun to die down. Trump’s trial can’t come soon enough… seriously, it should have happened years ago. Jack Smith could sidestep Aileen Cannon by charging Trump elsewhere, but why not charge him with something new? Critical evidence against Trump came from his own lawyers, which is about the only way they could get someone to listen to them. Why should Donald or any of his supporters care what anyone says at this point? One way or the other, it’s all downhill from here.
The odds of government shutdown continue to grow as Republicans devise new ways to take and hold hostages. Dick Durbin says it would be tempting to not act like a sap, if only he wasn’t one.
The Pyrex/Instant Pot bankruptcy story continues to explode, raining molten shards of nostalgia and speculation all over social media. Pyrex did sellout, but PYREX is still the GOAT, if you can find it. Red Delicious apples were never about you, but all about the marketing.
The First Minister of Scotland, Nicola Sturgeon, surprised everyone by resigning, then really shocked everyone with her recent arrest. Boris Johnson didn’t surprise anyone with his resignation, finally.
Oklahoma Republicans are lending a hand to the Trump Supreme Court to destroy the separation of church and state.
The “LIV” in LIV Golf actually stands for “54”, which does not refer to number of individual segments of Jamal Khashoggi left around Istanbul, but rather the reduced playtime of their tournaments.
A guy who dreamt of intruders in his home naturally became victim to a .357 Magnum nocturnal discharge.
George Santos’ lawyer might beat him to jail.
David Waldman, and we, go for yet another day without Greg Dworkin, especially his collaborative interruptions. Greg’s still here in spirit however, as is his raft of stories.
One term, twice impeached, twice indicted, manifold humiliated Donald Trump was arraigned yesterday. If Donald quit being a criminal, this would quit happening to him. His supporters like him like that though, and neither they nor he will ever change.
Now the case moves on to… Judge Aileen Cannon? Of course, Cannon should recuse herself, but that would require a level of judgement Judge Cannon has not yet demonstrated.
The economy turned out to be a good hostage for Republicans, so Tommy Tuberville will try it this time with the Military.
Illinois Governor JB Pritzker banned book banning for libraries in his state.
The Saudis gave the PGA an offer they couldn’t refuse, and the Senate will be investigating how that came about.
Today’s F-eulogy is for Silvio Berlusconi. A trend we might all look forward to.
Sadly, Pyrex might soon pass away, as its endurance made it obsolete in a venture capitalist society.
Sure, it’s National Arraignment Day, but that’s not happening until, you know, after the show. So who cares? Besides, we should be — or should have been — more concerned about child labor. Or labour. Or how to spell it.
Or perhaps our real concern should be with more basic child welfare. Because MAGA has infected Canada, and now we have creepy grandma and grandpa duos sexually harassing 9-year-old school girls, because freedoms. Soorry, eh?
Today, we spent a little time talking about how bad assigning TFG’s case to Judge Aileen Cannon could be. But because crazy judges can just… do whatever… there’s no way of knowing how far off the rails we might go. And it’s not like the crazy stops with the judges. (As though that were somehow a comforting thought!) It’s all over the Gop mainstream. And if you stop to call it out when you see it, you become the next target.
One comforting note: there was a surprise win for voting rights in the SCOTUS, recently. Better still, Joan McCarter came on to discuss it! And if there’s still any room for improvement here, check out her theory that it might just be public pressure that’s behind the victory.
Want one more pleasant turn of the karmic wheel before you go? The House Ethics Committee is now free to reopen the investigation into Matt Gaetz. And they actually did it!
Join David Waldman and KITM Worldwide as we celebrateInternational Falafel Day! Normally Greg Dworkin would be here singing falafel carols with us, but apparently his special appearance on Friday’s KITM took it out of him and he’s out today. Get well soon!
I was out the last time that Donald Trump was indicted! Either I need more days off, or Trump needs more indictments. Read the full text of the latest Trump indictment in the classified documents case. Are you not entertained? Trump has never been associated with subtlety and nuance and this will definitely not be the beginning.
If you think this case is open and shut now, just wait until you hear the rest of what Jack Smith has to tell you… and the considered and rational Republican response… and their follow-up.
Of course, Judge Aileen Cannon could see this all differently, as she is wont to do.
Scottland’s former leader, Nicola Sturgeon, has also been arrested, and also says she’s innocent of any wrongdoing, but with less caps.
Donald Trump’s spiritual bunga bunga, Silvio Berlusconi, is bunga bunga no more.
Like Silvio and Donald, Russia has a few ardent supporters, and some who aren't. One way or another, their supporters are dropping like flies.
It’s already an unusual thing to do a Friday show that feels like a Thursday. After all, it’s not the first time that circumstances have warranted a special Friday appearance from Greg Dworkin. But this is, I think, our first Friday that felt like a Thursday that came following a Thursday that felt like a Friday.
The top news of the day, of course, was that SCOTUS had ruled in favor of Jack Daniel’s, against its poop-themed dog toy-producing tormentors.
No, wait. It was that the Austin real estate developer involved in the Ken Paxton bribery had been arrested.
No, wait. That’s just what the Dallas Morning News thought.
It was actually that TFG had been indicted — under the Espionage Act, among other statutes — just as expected.
So naturally, Republicans everywhere ~~began~~ continued losing their minds.
The transcript of TFG’s Bedminster confession was kind of interesting, too. Both for what it made overt, and for the deeper meaning.
James Watt is dead! Tip of the hat for the introduction to the term, “f**k-eulogy.”
You’ll never believe it, but the “Cyber Ninjas” were a fraud! This, revealed by the release of a cache of 30,000+ emails, ironically enough — if that sounds familiar.
TFG also raided the Treasury for a million bucks, it turns out. In case that, too, sounds familiar.
Just so you’ll know for the weekend: George Santos’ lawyer was in the January 6 mob.
And for Friday esoterica, a theory on why food prices rise in general, and so much of late in particular. Plus a sort-of-related story about how “the system” tried to hand us a single, crappy apple, when we now know there was so much more and better available.
Today’s show felt so complete that by the end, I thought it was Friday!
It was the end of the week for Pat Robertson, though. And another day of under the cloud of a mass fire, as well.
But Greg Dworkin had other things on his mind. First, the wingnut temper tantrum in the House that has their own messaging bill agenda languishing in limbo, and “leadership” pointing fingers at one another. Hey, OK! Next, they can start killing rules for appropriations bills, if they want.
A little later, we moved on to the original orange blob menacing the country in multiple jurisdictions, this time with his espionage. For some context, here’s the story of a guy who just got sentenced to three years in the clink for this. At least Mike Pence won’t have to vote for that guy, though.
If you haven’t heard enough about what a problem Chris Licht types are, Perry Bacon has more.
Hairdo Alex Jones is already getting sued by Fox.
And in the “things to consider for the weekend, even though it’s not the weekend yet” section:
- Are pro golfers who spoke out publicly against the Saud regime going to be safe playing in the PGA, now that the Sauds own half of it?
- Is “peer-reviewed publication” the next big college admissions scam? They’re not the only ones to blame for diminishing the value of academic research.
David Waldman and Greg Dworkin arrive at the middle of the week to deliver the KITM, but the smoke is so thick it’s hard to read the house numbers...
Canadian wildfires have given 100 million Americans incentive to wear their COVID masks this morning.
No Schoolhouse Rock can explain this. The MAGA wing of the House, so screwball that Marjorie Traitor Greene is not screwball enough for them anymore, scuttled their own screwball bills, from enshrining gas stoves to defending the cherished accessorizing of firearms.
Foreign nationals are kidnapped, and smuggled across state borders, while the perpetrator flees to the border. Why doesn’t the news report on this? Because they are too busy calling terrorists “emboldened shoppers”. Fair and balanced paste eater Chris Licht’s work at CNN seems to have ended before he could set up another Trump town hall.
Donald Trump, who did not rape a woman that one time, might still face somelingering legal hurdles. A Florida grand jury will be hearing testimony from an assortment of MAGA Mar-a-Lago henchmen, lackies and homework-eating dogs.
Saudi Arabia attempts to improve their public image by trashing professional golf’s. They got it half right.
Luckily for all of us today, David Waldman and Joan McCarter do make house calls.
Temu-Palin Lauren Boebert may not be certain where babies come from, but even Maury Povich could have told her which member of WWE tag team Midnight Express was not her father.
Donald Trump hopes to stop the second E. Jean Caroll defamation case. Trump hopes to stop special counsel Jack Smith from indicting him on his Mar-a-Lago crimes. Trump hopes to stop that other Federal grand jury in Florida from indicting him on his Mar-a-Lago crimes. If Trump had a dog, his diet would be 100% evidence by now.
Who has it worse, Musk or Trump lawyers? At least for now Musk lawyers are being paid to admit the truth.
Eric Jensen found that he could receive attention and validation for being a lunatic, simply by choosing to act out at school board meetings. Marjorie Traitor Greene gets all that and even paid to act bananas in the House. Unfortunately for Marge, she is no longer cuckoo enough for MAGA, especially once they saw her holding Kevin McCarthy’s ChapStick. The Freedom Caucus just wishes they got used lip-gloss out of their budget deal. Better luck next time!
It’s quiet… too quiet. David Waldman and Greg Dworkin are here to fill the gap between not enough and too much news.
CEOs must be smarter than their idiot employees, because if not, how could they explain their position? Those at the head of media companies must be the most brilliant, but also the most impartial and nonpartisan to succeed. CNN CEO Chris Licht believes he is just that person, although word around his shop indicates that Chris Licht eats paste.
President Joe Biden knows the art of the deal, by separating those who wanted to deal from the MAGA. There’s now time to figure out the 14th Amendment and get back to work on all the other upcoming disasters in the 24 workdays between now and Labor Day.
Donald Trump’s lawyers are over at the DOJ this morning fueling rumors Donald might… flip on himself? Maybe they’re just returning those Iran attack plans they found blowing down the fairway at Bedminster. A return to taking espionage seriously just might make America great again.
Join us as Greg Dworkin assesses the guesses on how The Deal would go down in the House. (Spoiler: mostly correct!) And, of course, how the media did in covering it. (Spoiler: mostly incorrect!) But that’s more or less how the game is played.
So, was there a deal between the party leaders to get this through? Depends who you ask! In fact, if you ask just the right questions, you’ll start to wonder whether the Gop even had a deal with itself.
And since we’re not quite done with the debt ceiling just yet, here’s yet another good point about doing away with it.
Meawhile, there’s some unrest afoot in Florida. Even in “conservative” areas. To no one’s surprise, DeSantis’ fascism just isn’t sitting well with everyone. And it seems the formula doesn’t always translate well when exported.
There’s other news breaking in Florida, too. We’ll have to wait and see what else breaks along with it.
In the surprise of the century, George Santos’ office is involved in some unethical, and possibly illegal, weirdness.
Does today end in a Y? Yes? Well, in that case, here’s TFG confessing once again, on tape.
Longtime listeners know that it’s the daily rhythms of KITM World Headquarters that dominate the first few minutes of most shows. And today, it’s the end of an era, as we call a wrap on secondary education for the auxiliary production staff!
But some cycles of life (and death) continue unabated. For instance, the ever-present Cloud of a Mass Shooting.™ And, of course, developments in Ukraine. Or more specifically, in Russia, as the battlefield is expanded, if not the battle itself.
And we lean heavily on the APR today, even though Greg wasn’t here, and Greg didn’t even write Tuesday’s APR — so thanks to Chitown Kev for his unwitting contribution to the show! Naturally, the debt ceiling deal, including Manchin’s pipeline gambit and its attendant issues, followed by procedural developments in the Paxton impeachment. And, something we didn’t cover in yesterday’s abbreviated show: stuff from overseas lands where names are hard to pronounce. For today, that was Türkiye.
The only possibly enjoyable angle on Ron DeSantis’ presidential bid: he’ll eventually have to attack Trump. Though it’s still possible that he’ll also fall down the stairs like Gerald Ford, too.
For something completely different, and yet hearkening back to vague themes from episodes past, noted fist-pump-and-run enthusiast Josh Hawley is the latest to try to address the “crisis” of “masculinity” not with solutions, but with an eye toward exploitation.
Joan McCarter once again defies the early West coast timeline and the crush of East coast job demands to join us for an update on the putative debt ceiling deal and to set up the mystery/cliff-hanger/dud of today’s House Rules committee meeting.
On today’s Special Friday KITM, David Waldman reports on the local and national news, the murderers, pedophiles, arsonists and catfishers, the cops and the criminals.
We are also reaching the denouement of our present debt ceiling crisis. It’s either that, or a smash cut to black next week. The Democrats brought the house down in the final act, although it could have used a little more “Trump”. It always helps to have a great opening act though.
If you thought the Democrats were on fire, you should have seen the dumpster Texas Republicans threw AG Ken Paxton into. If anyone can place the bar low, it would be the Texas Gop. Nonetheless, Ken Paxton managed to go even lower, for years, until he finally got under it.
Speaking of being finally held responsible, Oath Keepers Founder Stewart Rhodes has been sentenced to 18 years in prison. That shouldn’t be a problem for a tough guy like Stewie, at least until he runs into the other tough guys he in put in jail.
Lifelong warrior against the forces of responsibility and accountability, Donald Trump is caught in a pinscher movement of his own making, from defrauding the US government to serving corruption around the world, to withholding classified documents, to hiding classified documents, to rehearsing the hiding and withholding classified documents.
Ace KITM Correspondent Rosalyn MacGregor reports that not only are Michiganders holding nine Trump lawyers accountable for their misconduct in the state, but they themselves have been demonstrating responsibility at the polls.
Faculty members at the New College of Florida are voting to censure Ron DeSantis’ puppet Trustees for showing disinterest in performing their actual jobs. The Florida mom who sought to ban Amanda Gorman’s poem, yet approved the publication of the Protocols of the Elders of Zion, asks how can a mom find the time to actually read all those things she promotes or obstructs?
Georgia Gop Chair Kandiss Taylor has taken the time to read every one of the articles that unequivocally reflect her opinions, especially her opinion of a flat earth, and yet every day someone will try to shove their globes down her throat.
One lone Karen was behind the ban on Amanda Gorman’s poem. Though Karen was pretty sure it was Oprah Winfrey’s.
Greg Dworkin rounds up the reviews panning DeSantis’ attempted Twitter-based campaign launch.
Rough seas ahead for Medicaid enrollees, if the Gop gets its way.
Republican voters do like their big dummies though. The Oregonian Gop is in fact proudly illiterate.
The judge in the other E. Jean Carroll lawsuit against TFG suggests the DoJ might want to take a moment to reconsider how wise it is to continue to pretend Trump was acting in his capacity as “president,” when he opened his fetid gob.
The dog has caught the car, and the car turned out to be a leopard. Dobbs unites Ds, splits Rs.
Hey, remember the debt ceiling? While we wait for possible armageddon, here are yet more hot takes on our various options. By the way, did you remember that the debt ceiling and the filibuster are cousins? I don’t know if Mike Lee knew that when he threatened to filibuster any deal he doesn’t like, but it’s true.
Apparently, people at Fox News actually do know that “no means no,” when it comes to turning the screws on Tucker Carlson, anyway. Which is fine!
Noted for the record, but deferred for further consideration: Ken Paxton is too scummy for the Texas Gop!
David Waldman and Greg Dworkin! KITM Wednesday!
Everyone expected Ron DeSantis to run for president. Except for maybe Ron DeSantis, who is probably pretty shocked that he did decide to go for it. Of course, if Ron did not run, $200 million would just be sitting in the bank, not going into anyone’s pockets, and what good is that? The actual surprise is that DeSantis will launch his presidential bid with Elon Musk, on Twitter. Here’s looking forward to the first DeSantis town hall on Tumblr. If CNN want to represent true journalism, they’d… but they don’t.
There’s also Tim Scott announcing his candidacy. Yes, Republicans do enjoy their people of color (and women) as long as they’re smiling. Not enough to actually elect them, though.
But who do the voters really want? Ok, but who else is there? Donald Trump will only be allowed to run for 20 minutes each morning during exercise time.
Republican voters do like their big dummies though. The Oregonian Gop is in fact proudly illiterate.
No one will be voting for anyone unless we rescue the economy soon. Which is a good a reason as any for Republicans to oppose saving it. They’d rather shoot their hostage than negotiate with President Joe Biden anyhow. Indeed, why not take this negotiation time to dispatch with a few more hostages?
What if the press covered the Supreme Court as if they were real people?
Non-woke investments aren’t as attractive once they are sued.
David Waldman presents the Tuesday KITM. All of the argle you expect with none of that annoying bargle.
Joan McCarter won’t be summering in Krasnodar this year, as Vladimir Putin is expanding his enemies list to include anyone unfavorable to MAGA.
Marjorie Taylor Greene spent $100,000 for a ChapStick used by Kevin McCarthy. Kind of expensive for her to pay that for cherry, as it would cut into the Kevin flavor... Other than Marj and Kev, people are still being advised to wear masks in public.
Donald Trump was the one responsible for Dominion picking up an extra $787 million this year, but somehow received nothing in commission. He’s going to need some cash to cover his serial defamation lawsuits withE. Jean Carroll.
As luck would have it, the only texts Ron DeSantis did not ban are the ones that look to get him in the most legal trouble. DeSantis is in a race with Trump to get his hands on a Supreme Court to keep himself out of jail. In the meantime, the LOLYOLOMAGASCOTUS shadow docket might lift gun bans nationwide.
McCarthy’s parched lips are apparently still talking to President Joe Biden about a debt ceiling deal, but that doesn’t seem to really be what Kevin’s talking out of. The courts will decide on the 14th amendment sooner or later, so Joe might as well take the lead.
On today’s KITM, David Waldman reveals that he’s almost finished pushing his babies out of the nest and will soon be able to devote all of his time and energy into getting his own breakfast together.
Greg Dworkin is here to recoup the deficit in the media’s coverage of the debt ceiling fiasco. Kevin McCarthy has been betting with a very weak hand, but that hasn’t stopped him on continuing to raise the stakes. The outcome will be disastrous, if we even approach default. President Joe Biden is still trying “good cop, bad cop” when he probably needs to just go “bad cop” and let the courts sort it out.
You’d think that Donald Trump and Rudy Giuliani selling pardons would have been a big deal, but it was so unsurprising and expected that the media passed right over it. Alvin Bragg’s case against Trump points to plenty of statutes violated, but if tfg campaigned from prison would much change? Now, if he were to be re-elected, that would leave a mark. Trump’s simple 2024 proposition is to break any law he wants, and to declare anybody he chooses to be a lawbreaker. Savvy critics such as Axios say that the Donald Trump plan to rebalance power to the executive branch just doesn’t seem to have the funding in place to be successful.
On KITM, David Waldman cleans out the news and opinion fridge each week, then on Fridays scoops the rest off of the floor, metaphorically, I believe.
“You go woke, you go broke”, some say. That’s Ron DeSantis’ working theory anyhow, although that theory might need a bit more work before it reaches any general acceptance. Of course, anti-woke’s biggest fans hope that everyone stays asleep while they burgle their valuables. Robocallers out of Wisconsin picked up $89 million from the dopes who still answer their phones, who also thought they were helping firefighters and veterans. If you had $89 million, you’d donate it to Atoosa Reaser and Juli Briskman.
The FBI raided a Trump Tower owned by a couple of Russians, in yet another example of the weaponization of government against “organized crime”, and quite often Trump organized crime. Gym Jordan won’t share “whistleblower” testimony with Democrats, because if he did Dems would just make fun of him some more.
Russia doesn’t need Trump when they have Boeing and Airbus.
Senator Dianne Feinstein has shingles, encephalitis, Ramsay Hunt syndrome, and probably a lot more. But she’s apparently here,ostensibly voting, and work is getting done, let’s not wear her out with a lot of stress.
David Waldman and Greg Dworkin marshal their wits one last time this week for the Thursday KITM:
Tuesday’s elections showed Democrats (by the way of young voters) advancing everywhere across the board, not just overperforming Republicans, but reopening the front to win back rural voters, kind of like how George Washington won the Battle of Fort Necessity in 1754… Okay, nothing like that really, because little can compare to Donald Trump and his MAGA forces.
Certainly not Ron DeSantis. Ron is making trans lives illegal in Florida and will be outlawing “pronouns”, earning him the endearment of no one, because who would expect such haters to actually like anyone?
Well, they used to like Tucker Carlson. Tuck’s viewers found a short blip of hate at CNN’s town hall, but it just didn’t last. CNN’s chief international anchor, Christiane Amanpour, is one of the first to criticize her company and her boss on their lamebrain idea. Town halls, audiences and Donald Trump should be abolished from TV before 2024.
Now Vice President Kamala Harris... Who wouldn’t want to have a beer with her, or a town hall? President Joe Biden not only has to fight ageism, but there are plenty of closet sexists he has to also worry about.
A new federal lawsuit says Florida book bans are unconstitutional, which is not only a problem for Florida zealots, but any others using those “book banning in a box” kits nationwide. North Carolina Republican Jeffrey McNeely reached into the totally wrong box in his school choice debate.
Twitter, a forum for diverse ideas, opinions, child porn and animal torture, has become exactly the rectum Elon Musk has always dreamt of spending his every waking moment and dollar inside.
President Guillermo Lasso of Ecuador, no relation to Ted, will not only take his ball and go home, but plans to just dissolve the league before he exits the field.
David Waldman wishes you all a festive, yet introspective, National Day of Norway.
Greg Dworkin rounds up the election news, which looks pretty good for Democrats, especially in how it looks bad for Republicans. The Trump culture of winning, that is losing, is alive in Kentucky and elsewhere. In a major upset, Florida Democrat Donna Deegan becomesJacksonville’s first female mayor. A non-Republican also flipped the most Republican city in Colorado. As all politics is local, voters like their most local politicians to be Democratic.
Nebraska forced two bad bills into one, and now plans to force it through the legislature, which might break rules and not follow procedure, but they really don’t know what they’re doing, so how would they know? Once there is a Republican majority, that is all they have to know, and after that the rest is optional.
Republicans do understand force, and their plan is to teach us all the meaning of “might makes right”.
Meanwhile, Ukraine and Germany show us how it’s done.
Don’t knock John Durham. The job was to make a lot out of nothing, and John did make a lot of money, visited a lot of beautiful tourist spots around the world, and generally expense accounted for a lot longer than most people could ever dream to pull off. In between swipes of his American Express card, Durham artfully repackaged old investigations into new BS, then regifted it back to MAGA propagandists. Over at The Messenger… well not there, as the link 404s out, but according to some people, The Messenger rates the report at less than half of a nothing burger. Don’t knock The Messenger. Its job also is to make a lot out of nothing.
Like a bad—nay, loathsome—penny, Rudy Colludy returns. This time, it’s noun, verb, sexual assault.
Calling all Privateers of the Caribbean!™ Clarence Thomas’ billionaire pal Harlan Crow has bought himself an offshore dual citizenship.
The House of Representatives has been… less than representative for quite some time, now. From time to time, there have been proposals to expand it, and thereby hopefully bring the Representatives a bit closer to their constituencies. But… where would they put them all? Well, they could make a little more room by getting rid of Paul Gosar, seeing as he’s been employing Nazis and all.
Joan McCarter came by to count down the seconds left until we hit the debt ceiling. Remember when certain bloggers urged Congressional Dems to take the debt ceiling hostage off the table while they still could? But then they didn’t? Yeah, me too. Well, now there are only a few options left, besides, well, just giving in.
Meanwhile, other looming disasters include a backhanded, shadow docket SCOTUS ban on gun bans, and Rep. Comer’s continuing insistence that the dog ate his homework, but would probably barf it up soon, soon, very soon. Perhaps two weeks, or some other very short period of time.
Following a long weekend David Waldman was back at KITM World Headquarters humming Pomp and Circumstance and expecting a light news day. Greg Dworkin changed all that with his Heapin’ Raft O’ Stories™.
You may recall that sexual assault and defamation verdict against the former guy last week. Donald re-defamed E Jean Carroll a few hours later, so perhaps Carroll could rinse and repeat until Trump gets it, if we should live so long.
Mirror universe Michael Dukakis, Ron DeSantis isn’t just awkward. Ron hates people right down to his core. At least Trump enjoys using people. Some people like to be used. DeSantis and his followers are just into the beat down, which only succeeds for so long.
The prospect of Trump’s nomination is shrinking the Senate’s prospects in 2024.
Virginia is the eighth red state to quit caring about voter fraud.
James Comer was so close to sending every Democrat since the Carter administration to Gitmo, but then his dog ate all the witnesses. That’s ok, they can always make some new ones.
President Joe Biden’s first veto takes on the Republicans’ war on “woke capitalism”. If they love Russia so much, why don’t they move there?
Religious Gimme-terians tend to be Political Gimme-tarians when it suits them, of course. They just need to follow their faith to the correct precinct.
David Waldman is attending his #1 son’s graduation! It seems like only yesterday we were listening to the little guy running the microwave and clinking silverware on plates… Sniff!
So, David is traveling today and out tomorrow. Today, however, we have a fresh pre-recorded Mini-KITM episode, at least mini for us at one hour:
Last night CNN had TFG on for the longest hour in TV history. Now even they are asking “Whose fault was that?” The answer is, every single one of us. We need to straighten up soon before it’s too late.
South Carolina State Senators have formed a group opposed to the abortion ban in their state. The group is comprised of all of the state’s women Senators, Republican, Democratic, and Independent. It is South Carolina we’re talking about, so there’s only five of them.
Oklahoma is banning more than a dozen banks for “being too woke”. You know that since it is Oklahoma, their definition of “woke” isn’t centered around CRT or LGBTQ, but OIL.
Saudi Arabia is pumping water out of the Arizona desert to grow alfalfa to feed to their dairy cattle in their desert.
On the road for college kid’s graduation, so it’s into the Hot Tub Podcast Time Machine!
We go so far back, May 12 was a Thursday! That’s a full year back!
If you don’t remember it exactly as it happened, here’s a reminder:
Not to underestimate you, but David Waldman and Greg Dworkin probably deliver as much KITM as you can handle today.
Russia continues to not win in Ukraine. Some would say they are losing. Some, like the Institute for the Study of War. Some, like Ukrainian soldier on the ground in charge of blowing up stuff, Максим. Sanctions are turning Russia into a place Borat would be ashamed to work for. Russia is pulling electronics out of their washing machines in order to keep their military running. Russian soldiers will wish they had pulled the SIM cards from their phones when the Switchblades lock on them. Remember when Republicans openly loved Russia?
If only public opinion mattered to abortion rights. Mitch McConnell is unlikely to dump the filibuster to ban abortion until the very second he can. Joe Manchin might be a Republican, but that doesn’t mean he always votes on a party line… unless it’s against abortion rights. Well, that Supreme Court leak investigation deescalated quickly. Susan Collins and Stephen King live in the same neighborhood, of course. One of their neighbors used chalk on the sidewalk, not for hopscotch or Valentine’s hearts, but in order to deeply concern Susan Collins.
Elon Musk is bored with Tesla. Soon, he will be bored with Twitter.
A popular GQP wacko might out-Trump all Republicans in Pennsylvania. She might even win her Senate nomination before conceding her 2020 House loss. That is Trumpy. The important elections however are for secretaries of state, as they are the ones who will install future Trumps.
The math wasn’t going Donald Trump’s way in 2020, so John Eastman had a plan to install his own math.
Baked Alaska came up with the novel idea of pleading guilty with a side-plea of innocence for his involvement on the insurrection January 6. Too novel for the judge, apparently. The January 6 Committee subpoenaedKevin McCarthy, Jim Jordan, Mo Brooks, Andy Biggs and Scott Perry, which is a good start.
David Waldman and Greg Dworkin LOL at TFG.
That was the main order of the day, and there were multiple angles of approach available from which to do it. From watching Gop Senators’ sputtering reactions, to watching the Gop rank and file’s sputtering reactions, to watching, er… Chris Christie supporters’ sputtering reactions. Oh, and pollsters’ sputtering reactions at having to measure people’s sputtering reactions.
But perhaps you were more interested in sputtering reactions to some other Gop figure’s legal woes. George Santos, as usual, would have you more than adequately covered.
Need still another despicable Gop figure to revile? How about Tucker Carlson and his legion of degenerate nihilists? The execrable Lindsey Graham?
Or perhaps you prefer to focus on the vapid destructiveness of Gop policy, in the form of debt ceiling and budgetary recklessness? Or what could happen once we’re forced to clean up the mess?
“Inflation.” It sucks. Or at least, something that they’re telling us is inflation does.
Hey, guess where bad guys get their guns? From “good guys” with guns, of course. Or “good guys” who had guns at the time, anyway.
And just to take one last (completely fair) shot at TFG, he doesn’t just assault women.
David Waldman and Joan McCarter bring us up-to-date, and up-to-Tuesday morning news and opinion.
While we bide our time waiting for the next mass shooting, the media informs us that several very nice people have been killed by a very bad person. However, Greg Abbott and the Right want you to believe that both sides are to blame. You know what? So does the media.
Both sides (all of them women) join to block South Carolina’s near-total abortion ban.
Ron DeSantis has picked Disney as the hill to die on and will pave the road there in radioactive waste. In Florida, butt crack = pornography, thus all Floridians are criminals.
A Wisconsin judge is ordering that the state elections commission reconsider a complaint against its fake electors. Stewart Rhodes wants the court to consider his years of running an "all-volunteer" organization, AKA the “bin Laden” defense. Enrico Tarrio wonders how his boss got away with it. Donald Trump wonders why everyone’s always picking on him.
Harlan Crow sure isn’t paying for your kid’s school, because that would be a lousy investment. Anita Hill did raise a few red flags over Clarence Thomas, as you may recall. Those red flags have only multiplied over the decades. Dick Durbin has “everything is on the table”, where he plans to pretty much just leave it. Gerald Ford showed that Supreme Court justices could be impeached... or not impeached as the case may be. Trump and McConnell already packed the Supreme Court, and they, and you, and I probably won’t live to see that changed.
Meanwhile, Republicans threaten the world economy unless they are allowed to destroy the US economy. President Joe Biden will keep trying to fix things, but the hero might just end up being… Mitch McConnell?
David Waldman and Greg Dworkin present another KITM Under the Cloud special, which ain’t so special anymore.
There is no reward for reaching the 200th mass shooting of 2023. Presently, there is always the threat of being shot because taking lives has never been easier or more convenient. The Allen, Texas shooter didn’t take the time to park his car. The Brownsville, Texas killer was too lazy to even use a gun. Ted Cruz and Greg Abbott couldn’t be bothered to think of anything new to say or plan to have anything new to do. They see massacres as natural disasters, “acts of God”, so let God fix it. In fact, why do anything if God will do it all for you?
Let’s pray that the latest slaughter will bring an epiphany to those who can enact change. For now, however it is a civil war, but only with one side fighting it. Texas mass shootings are up 62.5% since they passed their permitless carry bill.
President Joe Biden prepares to lift the debt ceiling onto his own shoulders. Republicans don’t mind ruining everything, because it all seems to hurt Biden and help Donald Trump… at least in the short term, and isn’t that always their plan?
The short term is certainly how the media sees things, and certainly how they plan on seeing Trump, because who wants to hear about all that past unpleasantness?
Wouldn’t it be fun if Donald received a gag order the day of his town hall? At least eight of Trump’s fake electors in Georgia accepted immunity deals in that grand jury investigation. Oath Keepers leader Stewart Rhodes might get 25 years in prison. A lot of pigeons will be fighting for that stool.
David Waldman wishes us a happy Dia Cinco de KITM Celebraciones!
Another day another set of specifics on why no one has trusted Clarence and Ginni Thomas for a least a generation. Leonard Leo, whose job is buying influence, bought $1.6 billion worth recently, paying a chunk through bagwoman Kellyanne Conway into the pockets of Ginni Thomas, making certain to not mention Ginni, which makes them all look as innocent as hell.
The Proud Boys find themselves going to jail, much to their, and their followers’ surprise. Punching up, instead of punching down was the big mistake, and the Boys learned their lesson.
MAGA learned the lesson of January 6: People get in trouble for insurrection, therefore the people you want in trouble must be insurrecting.
Texas prison guards put a woman in isolation for knowing more about abortion than they did. Texas schools, concerned that kids nowadays have become too into idolatry, adultery, and covetousness, are posting the Ten Commandments in every classroom. That might be Moses’ thing, but Jesus would not do that. In Ohio, Republicans are quickly shutting down voting rights and hope to slide it in August, when no one’s looking. Meanwhile, Oregon Republicans refuse to vote on things with the big words that wear their lips out.
Ace KITM correspondent Rosalyn MacGregor marks the retirement of Michigan’s last racial/ethnic school mascot.
Covid drops to the fourth biggest killer, so you know WHO declares the emergency over.
Fox News demands that Media Matters quit publishing their Tucker Carlson leaks.
Jim Justice is running against Joe Manchin for Senator. Many hope that Jim’ll win so he can pay them the money he owes.
David Waldman and Greg Dworkin our present our annual KITM Star Wars Day Eve Special, this year spoken in Shyriiwook for all our Kashyyyk followers! Huurh awwgggghhh wrrhwrwwhw uuh huuguughghg!
Another day, another Tucker Carlson Fox leak. No, that wasn’t why Carlson was fired. That’s how they all talk at Fox. Expect scandalous Tucker Carlson leaks to continue until Rupe’s ex admits that she was wrong to crush on Tuck.
Ron DeSantis isn’t the first child to throw a fit at Disneyworld, and sure won’t be the last. Disney has been setting up to win this case for a while now, and by “win” they mean to make DeSantis and his supporters lose.
That whole thing about law cutting both ways has always annoyed conservatives, chiefly the part about the defendant discovering what the other side has up its sleeve. The Right doesn’t care how much money they need to pour into court manipulation, or who they pour it into, although that is one of the reasons why George Mason University doesn’t call it the David Waldman School of Law.
Bidenomics has replaced Reaganomics, and yet no one seems to be happy about anything anymore. Republicans therefore see little downside in just burning it all down, especially Marjorie Traitor Greene. Kevin McCarthy’s problem is that each Republican House member thinks that they are Marjorie Traitor Greene.
Close only counts in horseshoes, hand grenades and debt limit chicken, so nobody will be blinking soon. Democrats have seen this coming however and might have some procedural tricks up their sleeves. Maybe everyone’s been doing the debt limit wrong all along.
May returns for a second May-filled day, on KITM, featuring David Waldman, plus Joan McCarter!
Some lefty “Kagrohead” recently penetrated the MSM, appearing on CBS’s Face the Nation as a parent weighing in on how gun violence is impacting their children. (And I got my bird into the background!) This National Teacher Day, show your appreciation and support by keeping guns away from them and schools and challenging gun nuts whenever possible.
The US debt ceiling needs to be raised by June. That’s June 1st, by the way. And, with the way things are organized in DC, June 1st is sooner than you’d think or at least sooner than they think. In fact, Mitch McConnell says he doesn't even plan to get involved until Kevin McCarthy and President Joe Biden work things out.
Joe needs to leave Kevin and Mitch out of this and go it alone. So much for that Gop promise to “save” Social Security and Medicare. The Senate will hold hearings on the real pain being delivered in the Republican plan.
Ethics reforms? John Roberts says his gang don’t need no stinking ethics reforms, as they move to grab even more power for themselves and fellow judges. They’ve been corrupted for years, and now people want to talk about it?
Fox News is going to leak a new Tucker Carlson story every day until Rupert Murdoch gets a new fiancée who likes him better. I think we can all agree that this is a good idea.
Discord attracts US Armed Forces recruiters, foreign spy recruiters, and gamers. When it’s everybody vs. everyone, anything is possible, and everything is up for grabs.
It’s May Day ya commies! In fact, it is even if you aren’t. David Waldman and Greg Dworkin frolic and banter around the KITM maypole/microphone today to kick off the month.
Donald Trump’s rape trial reveals Trump’s defense: E. Jean Caroll told Donald no... and laughed, naturally triggering Trump’s rape... am I right guys? Even Trump’s lawyers see this as not a winning gambit but argue that anytime Trump “loses” it would be unfair by definition... Denied!
How is Donald Trump losing his other court cases? Quite bigly! Trump is losing just fine in Georgia, although DA Fani Willis gets some more time to work out how much. Special Counsel Jack Smith must be grinning ear to ear watching evidence pouring in from all corners on everything from Mar-a-Lago to January 6th.
Presented with an opportunity for insurrection, January 6 rioters didn’t need to discuss what to do and didn’t hesitate because they had rehearsed that moment many times in their heads.
Brett Kavanaugh, if your friends take your penis and rub it on an unconsenting girl’s face, they aren’t really your friends.
First Republic Bank fails, is seized and sold. That’s the kind of thing that might come up in the 2024 elections. So will Republicans defaulting on the debt ceiling. Beware Nikki Haley pretending that she’s a moderate… and also Joe F Lieberman.
There’s an art to running for President. Joe Biden has the artist’s touch, all he needs is to do is both keep his brushstrokes wide and pay attention to the details.
Pull up a chair, bring out your bag of Eastern Orthodox pretzels, (Which are kind of a thing? Maybe I shouldn’t open with this gag? Oh well.) and listen to today’s Thursday KITM with David Waldman and Greg Dworkin!
Tucker Carlson’s prayer talk creeped Rupert Murdoch out, but kind of turned on Rupe’s soon-to-be ex-fiancé... In retrospect, that could have been seen as a “faux pas”, or maybe a “Fox pass” on Tucker’s part. Perhaps it was calling Fox senior executive the C-word, and refusing to apologize, or retract said word, or that he was a racist who would never shut up, or that he was a clear danger to America... I guess we’ll never know, as anonymous sources are every bit as full of crap as he is. Like Gilgamesh, or even Gargamel, his is a myth that grows upon repetition.
What is true is that Tucker Carlson not only liked to pull the wings off of flies, but Tucker also made it his mission to convert millions into finding joy and comfort in that same manner. What will wing-pullers do without their influencer messiah? What will Carlson’s parasites do without their host? What will Tucker do without them?
Republicans have almost arrived at their singularity, when they’ll finally become completely unbound to reality. For now, unfortunately, they are still with us, barely, under the hapless administration of Kevin McCarthy.
Yep, it’s going to be Trump vs. Biden again. Except this time, people know Joe Biden, and people really know Donald Trump. Nikki Haley offers her hopes and prayers.
What do the polls say? Over the course of a decade, Nate Silver worked to make it clear that he was no prognosticator. Silver was more of an artist, whose artistry could be interpreted variously, and should be interpreted while averaged with others.
A federal appeals court stopped Donald Trump’s attempt to block Mike Pence from testifying before the January 6th grand jury. The Proud Boys want to thank Donald for where they are today. E. Jean Carroll also explains how Trump brought her to this point.
Disney’s suing Ron DeSantis. Ron says they’re just being political.
Many fine people on both sides are getting tired of Clarence Thomas.
Aside from using classified info to win arguments with teenagers, it also appears that Jack Teixeira was really into mass shootings. But after all, what soldier playing on the internet isn’t?
David Waldman, Greg Dworkin, and all the staff here at KITM Worldwide wish a merry and joyous National Pretzel Day to all those who observe.
Tucker Carlson remains under his contractually obligated rock today following his ouster from woke Fox News. Was it Tuck’s sexism that got him fired? Or his endangerment of racial and religious minorities, LGBTQ, and national security? Or was he going to lose Rupert money? No, seriously, why did Fox News fire Tucker Carlson? It doesn’t matter what Carlson truly believes. All Tucker truly believes in is pulling the wings off flies.
Election 2024, or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love Joe Biden is the sequel no one wanted to see, but the good news is, it looks to be a rehash of the original.
“The Tennessee Three” are being followed up by “the Montana One”, which so far seems as exciting, and hopefully ends as satisfyingly as the first. Disney certainly knows how to do a plot twist.
Speaking of plot twists, adding Ted Cruz schemes into the January 6th insurrection could tie up many loose threads.
Forget sex or money, the best way to get any secret is to tell a boy that he’s dumb, and it turns out that there are a lot of dumb boys in our Armed Services.
Republicans looking over the fiscal cliff have started to panic and are throwing out favors and a few of the rules to keep from going over.
Today, David Waldman and the KITM staff celebrate not being fired or hired by Rupert Mudoch.
Hey, remember Tucker Carlson? Tuck was sort of a prep school Lou Dobbs or that villain in a teen movie who wears a Brooks Brothers sweater like a cape over his Lacrosse polo. Anyhow, Fox News fired Tucker on a Monday morning, in front of his crew, for maximum disrespect, like a mob hit that can’t go open casket. Not that his crew had that much respect for him, or vice versa. In fact, they’ve already forgotten him. Whatever reason Rupert chose to take out Carlson, it wasn’t the right one.
As Ace KITM Correspondent Rosalyn MacGregor has been telling us, (paraphrased) Ottawa County, Michigan has been cluster-FUBARed through a wingnut insurgency. Wait until they find out their new jobs require working. Southern fried wingnuts in Florida are turning off both voters and bigots.
Coming this Summer: The Fulton County Indictments! Why not now? Why is Fani Willis making us wait sooooo long?
Powerful judges seem to always be trying to strike a balance between lower ethics and larger paydays. About a week after his confirmation, Neil Gorsuch finally sold a couple million dollars' worth of future goodwill and friendship with a guy destined to bring dozens of cases before him. Gorsuch didn’t think to mention this transaction, nor did fellow Trump judge Matthew Kacsmaryk think to disclose between 5 to 25 million bucks worth of his camaraderie. Senator Ed Markey is calling on Clarence Thomas to resign, all because of his billionaire sugar buddy Harlan Crow.
Joan McCarter tells us that it’s time for Senator Dianne Feinstein to retire, primarily because Senator Joe Manchin won’t. No one knows what the hell Dick Durbin is doing, but everyone can see what Mitch McConnell has planned.
David Waldman presents another episode in KITM’s popular What the Hell is Wrong with These People? ™ series as we travel throughout the Midwest asking, “What the Hell is wrong with these people?”
This being Friday, there is a small but increasing chance that this KITM will feature an AI generated “David Waldman” with intonation and mannerisms scraped from audio samples, however chatbot “Scott Anderson” would have said something by now, wouldn’t he?
Off we go, back to Tennessee, where Republicans rolled a 1 on their d20 on the Tennessee Three expulsion and have just gone downhill from there. Of course, they did earn some of their bad luck. Rep. Scotty Campbell sexually harassed interns before his expulsion vote. It’s just that Campbell would have gotten away with all that before those news crews started to hang around. On the same day the Tennessee House voted to expel The Three, they voted to eliminate oversight on the police for their two biggest cities. That sort of thing gets noticed now.
Over to Minnesota, where State Senator/ 80’s Sportscaster Eric Lucero battles necromancy and whatever spells Liberals cast to conjure wokeness.
And finally, to Michigan and Ace KITM Correspondent Rosalyn MacGregor. US mass killings happen at least every week, gun owners taking a bead on each other in fear that someone will get the drop on them first. Some Michiganders have noted the danger and are setting up sanctuaries to create safe spaces for guns. If only the Michigan Republican Party had thought of drunken 2A solutions in that Clare, Michigan hotel bar...
Happy 4/20! David Waldman was not old and/or high enough to pick up on Justice Putnam’s “Dave’s Not Here” reference and so we weren’t certain if we were high and/or off the air this morning. Thankfully, we got it all straightened out and had the windows open before Greg Dworkin got here.
Elon Musk is going to want something stronger by 4:20 today, seeing that his Starship lit up like a Tesla out of warrantee this morning.
Fox News had to pay about $800 million to keep “News” on its logo this week, which may not be the $1.6 billion we wanted, but no worries, they will be paying in installments over the next couple of years. Fox will keep up the fight... except for Dan Bongino, Maria Bartiromo, and Jeanie Pirro. Next time Donald Trump is on, maybe they can ask him for tax advice. Too bad they can’t fire their viewers.
January 6th’s Zip Tie Guy has been convicted and could be sentenced to 20 years. It might be tough for his mom to visit him, as she is going to a different wing of the penitentiary.
Why should the public view the horrific aftermath of the Sandy Hook Massacre, when they can just step outside and look at their neighbor’s front yard?
The Republican party has a plan to alienate every swing voter in America. House Republicans plan to raise the debt ceiling for just one year, if they can get permission from George Santos and Marjorie Taylor Greene. Dick Durbin can only dream of wielding such awesome power.
The Gop will lose with Trump, but know that DeSantis is not the solution. Anyhow, who needs a solution when they have Trump? The 2nd circuit court of appeals has granted a brief stay of the district court ruling against Alvin Bragg, which blocks for now the deposition of his former aide, Mark Pomerantz.
Kari Lake wants the Supreme Court to reconsider one of her election claims it already had rejected and offers to debate any anonymous troll who steps up.
Amarillo Judge Matthew Kacsmaryk might have hid his wackiest stuff from his Senate confirmation hearings.
David Waldman and Greg Dworkin present another fine KITM, always providing the most for your entertainment/information dollar and bath time listening. Just think, if you and Dominion Voting Systems donated only 1% of your disposable income as convenient monthly payments, how much democracy and joviality could be preserved?
Fox wins! Fox found a way to screw over all of their competitors by killing that cash cow of hourly Dominion v. Fox updates everyone had spent months investing in. Of course, getting pantsed and spending $787.5 Million was a bit steep of a price, but it was a small price to pay... in comparison to all the other prices they will be shortly paying.
Gop fake electors have begun to turn on each other. Ruptured Republicans smile through their pain as they mark their first 100 days of suffering and look forward to even worse as Kevin McCarthy thrusts them into their debt ceiling fiasco. Remember Kevin’s promises about border security? Dems can take over any time now.
Ron DeSantis (Ted Cruz, but with pudding on his fingers) has chosen to die on Disney hill. Donald Trump beats on Ron mostly for fun right now, but DeSantis could become an irritation along the primary trail. Republicans will never go sane once they tasted the crazy. Don’t worry, Democrats can still find a way to make 2024 painfully close.
Dick Durbin won’t give up blue slips no matter how worthless they become. He might reconsider after Dianne Feinstein retires, or maybe after he does.
Liberal judges continue to exist, but meanwhile the Iowa Senate passes their child labor bill. The Trump Supreme Court hurries to find an excuse to ban mifepristone.
Charlottesville torch-carrying marchers indicted for torch-carrying! After all burning crosses is only symbolic right when they are lit and they look like burning crosses.
Russia has a fleet of vessels set to sabotage wind farms and communication lines.
Elliott Broidy can’t stop criming! Of course, $75 million helps.
Tuesday already? David Waldman gave Joan McCarter barely enough time to get her voice back, but the show must go on!
The frontier around the Castle Doctrine is always being tested. Do you shoot at doorbell ringers, postal workers, pizza delivery? Or is approaching your castle good enough? Republicans don’t care much, as their delusions are bulletproof. Gen Z has not been groomed to put up with this.
Texas Republican Bryan Slaton wants to “protect kids” from “perverted” the LGBTQ+ who want to “sexualize them,” Bryan has been… whaaa? accused of an “inappropriate relationship” ? South Dakota Senate candidate Joel Koskan heads to the South Dakota State Penitentiary on two counts of felony incest. Stop the Steal founder Ali Alexander requested and critiqued teen boy “jack off material” from young groypers, offending the moral sensibilities of Milo Yiannopoulos, Nick Fuentes and Marjorie Taylor Greene.
There is no statute of limitations on felonies in Virginia, which includes the torch burning Charlottesville White nationalists’ burning of torches.
Four Oklahoma county officials were recorded talking about hiring hit men for reporters, not being able to hang black men and a few more deplorable things. The Sheriff’s department covered their bases, saying the recordings are fake, and that it was illegal to record them.
George Santos announced his bid for reelection and reported immediately raising more than one hundred billion dollars in donations.
Dianne Feinstein requested to be temporarily replaced on the Judiciary Committee while recovering from shingles. Republicans have come down on that idea like a ton of bricks, while Dick Durbin and Chuck Schumer raised their tiny parasols for protection.
David Waldman delivers us to the weekend… but so does Greg Dworkin! Greg’s Ov’rloaded Raft O’ Stories™couldn’t have stayed afloat another day.
Dianne Feinstein is under the weather, though not quite far enough for some of her pals. Feinstein is stepping down from the Judiciary Panel, but if that is not enough, there will be some challenges.
Harlan Crow bought a house for Clarence Thomas’ mother, which Thomas already owned, and his mother already lived in, as one does for one’s buddy. Clarence wouldn’t disclose such a friendly gesture.
God-fearing, patriotic, health-conscious, well-educated, well-raised, well-liked, and well-respected... yet young and naive, Jack (He’s White) Teixeira made friends with the other boys and impressed strangers by wowing them with his espionage skills.
Donald Trump should take notes from Jack, although if he did, he would have sold them by now. Donald presently is in New York dazzling lawyers for Attorney General Letitia James with his superior wit and intellect.
Trump met with Evangelicals in the hope they’d maybe talk to God and get Him to ease up a bit on that abortion stuff. Short-term presidential candidate Tim Scott doesn’t know what to say, literally. Democrats have a 28-point advantage on abortion, pretty much the story across the nation. Here’s why this is bad news for Joe Biden…
Actually, if there’s anybody you can count on to walk into a trap, it’s Ron DeSantis. Ignoring Florida’s history (of course), Ron will ban abortion 6 weeks after conception. DeSantis has only just begun deliver Florida and himself to hell.
Ace KITM Correspondent Roslyn MacGregor shares the secret of her success (“It’s easy peasy!”) and reports on Ron DeSantis bringing his Florida magic to Michigan., where the woke go to get away from MAGA.
Amarillo judge Matt Kacsmaryk’s Mifepristone decision is indefensible, and yet somehow it needs to be defended against, or else Amarillo judges will end up ruling the United States. That is the Supreme Court’s job. Therefore, Judge Thomas Rice enters for the block.
David Waldman goes solo again!
Greg Dworkin remains on assignment covering the ancillary bank holiday jubilee through the agency of the Duchy of Grand Fenwick.Weather permitting, Greg will be steaming back into port tomorrow.
The Washington post broke today’s big story in a manner Mark Sumner loathed, yet WAPO’s sugarcoating couldn’t hide the shocking details. Secret Pentagon documents were leaked in near-real-time to a Discord server frequented by Minecraft players. It now looks as if the leaker was an Air National Guard in his twenties trying to impress, and groom, teenage boys.
Of course, Donald Trump psychokinetically declassified any documents before showing them off… unless he could get more money for them as-is. Trump gave an interview with Tucker Carlson, who unfortunately couldn’t comment on much of what was said due to his rectal vantagepoint. We all know that no one is more generous than Donald Trump, but there just ain’t room for two, so off went Lindsey Graham to pop in on Mohammed bin Salman, presumably to a different pocket than Jared Kushner.
Trump now heads to Nashville, where he could, but probably won’t, meet with the Tennessee Three. Meanwhile, the Arizona House expelled a member! And she’s a Republican! And it was because of election denial lies!
Greg Dworkin is out today, putting his money where his mouth is… at the dentist. Can it even be a Wednesday if only David Waldman is here?
Odds are there will probably be another mass shooting this week, even though some aren’t finished being idiots about the previous ones. Louisville’s mayor finds that the killer’s AR-15 is better protected than his victims. At least Tennessee’s Governor Bill Lee was inspired to sign an executive order strengthening background checks. Lee is a Republican, but somebody had to do it. Oh yeah, that was the reason Justins Pearson and Jones were expelled from the Tennessee House wasn’t it? Justin Jones is already back at work, and Justin Pearson could be back as soon as tomorrow.
The free market has spoken. Popular handgun SIG Sauer P320 turns on its owners when it wants to, and there is nothing they can do about it.
Why do Republicans keep doing bigoted, extremist, dumb things? Because that’s who votes for them. It’s also what the boss wants.
It turns out that Rupert Murdoch isn’t just the owner and chairman of Fox, he’s a corporate officer at Fox News. Former Fox producer Abby Grossberg says Fox has secret tapes of Rudy Giuliani admitting that there is no proof of the 2020 presidential election being stolen.
The Gang of Eight will have access to Trump, Biden and Pence classified documents, maybe four of them in good faith.
Amarillo judge Matthew J. Kacsmaryk is the worst federal judge. So why is President Joe Biden paying attention to him?
Ruptured Republicans! Republicans in rupture! I don’t know. It just doesn’t ring like “Dems in disarray” does it? It’s true, though. Here, let David Waldman and finally returning special guest Joan McCarter present to you two hours' worth of examples:
Kevin McCarthy is the last person anyone would expect to hold things together, and it turns out that he is meeting everyone’s expectations. Of course, bad management can only get you so far, but the Gop backs it up with an assault on abortion rights and freedom, democracy and the future of anyone under 60.
As of this writing no mass shooter slaughtered more so far this day than the Louisville shooter did yesterday. Republicans were prepared for the guns-bullets-deaths aspect of the shooting but can’t comprehend why a guy born male would ever identify as “he/him”.
Laura Loomer, Marjorie Taylor Greene, Jenna Ellis, and Lauren Witzke are in a four-way fight for Donald Trump’s affections. Nikki Haley plays hard to get. Donald still has eyes for Melania, which she would prefer under her fingernails.
Jim Jordan packs up his circus and heads to the Big Apple, where sadly, attendance will be limited.
Book bans and restrictions are also a losing issue for Republicans, but Ron DeSantis still hasn’t finished showing the world that he’s a big boy, therefore he’s doubling down on schools and still attempting to beat up Disney.
Tennessee Republicans right-wing bubble burst with the instant return of Justin Jones, and Justin Pearson soon to follow.
Kid Rock drinks Bud Light while hanging out with drag queens and… but… Why are we talking about this again?
Democrats have their share of chaos as well. Some want to fight the Amarillo court’s national ban on Mifepristone, and some want to ignore it.
Happy Passover, Easter, Ramadan, Smigus Dyngus and KITM Monday for all those who observe. David Waldman and Greg Dworkin are especially observant today:
We start off the day under the cloud of a mass shooting, like usual. It’s too soon to know if Governor Greg Abbott will pardon anyone involved. Abbott is eager to pardon a guy who planned to kill some people and ended up finding his Kyle Rittenhouse/George Zimmerman opportunity at a Black Lives Matter demonstration that day. Similarly, Donald Trump hopes to offer as many pardons as he has enemies, and maybe a few preemptive pardons to take care of his future enemies. Compared to their mentors, future conservatives hope to develop less scruples.
On the other hand, voters have become less forgiving of Donald Trump’s criminality lately. Alvin Bragg's indictment of Trump isn’t weak, it’s standard.
Any good friend of Clarence Thomas understands that he likes really nice stuff for free. Harlan Crow really understands his good friend Clarence Thomas. In turn, Clarence might understand why Harlan has so much Nazi paraphernalia. In fact, Thomas might have a very good idea why Harlan’s brother is so much into human trafficking. Clarence Thomas could tell you a lot of things, but about twenty years ago he was advised to quit telling anything to anybody.
In Tennessee the stupidity burns. It will burn much longer than they could ever imagine.
The right to abortion will be secured before the end of the decade. In 2024 we can expect at least ten states to have citizen-led ballot initiatives enshrining abortion rights in their state constitutions. Here are 23 states that can amend their constitutions to protect abortion.
Britain has many of the same problems as the US, but long ago discovered a way to distract the right numpty plonkers.
You, on the other hand are much smarter. Smart people in Virginia support Atoosa Reaser and Juli Briskman. In fact, you don’t even have to be from Virginia!
The bread’s a little flat, but David Waldman and Greg Dworkin are here to leaven our day with political insight and dry wit.
Donald Trump, who excels at losing, is entering the hottest streak of his career, and doesn’t plan to slack off until all Republicans become sick of winning. Courtroom artists will have many opportunities to capture Donald’s true essence. Pundits looking at Alvin Bragg’s case just see an outline, but that’s because Bragg isn’t obligated to fill it in yet. Trump also has months to make everything much worse. Behind the scenes, even Evangelicals are losing faith.
ProPublica reveals that for decades Clarence Thomas accepted luxury vacations on a private jet and a superyacht from Republican megadonor Harlan Crow. The extent and frequency of these apparent gifts to Thomas has no known precedent in modern SCOTUS history… Greg compares Thomas’ Rolodex with that of Abe Fortas. Look that up in your Funk & Wagnalls!
Free the Tennessee Three! This isn’t a good look for Tennessee Republicans. Montana Republicans plot a one-time election law change to screw over Democrat Jon Tester. James Comer enlists prosecutors to destroy their careers in order to irritate Joe Biden. Now, Wisconsin Republicans are looking into impeaching Judge Janet Protasiewicz, two days after her election. Why? Mostly because she won her election, but also because she won her election big. Also, because Republicans will be losing a lot more elections as they try to take away abortion rights.
Way to go, Brandon! Brandon Johnson offered Chicagoans solutions, and solutions were what they were looking for.
Happy holidays! David Waldman and Greg Dworkin start the day off in post Arraignment Day spirit and good will.
That doesn’t include Donald Trump. No one is passing over him anymore. Yesterday was the day Donald Trump finally became a regular citizen of the United States. Here’s wishing Donald many more ordinary days.
It seems that few want to treat Trump’s indictment normally, however. Indicting everyone worthy of indictment was the Founder’s intent, to keep the demagogues down. The case against Trump might be tricky, but it’s strong. Alvin Bragg has the law on his side, all else is irrelevant.
That won’t keep idiots from trying of course. Their hope is that stepping up to murder might cool off those fraud charges. And, is Jack Smith really his name?
The DOJ has new evidence of obstruction at Mar-a-Lago, and they’re talking to Secret Service agents. Maybe Donald was just Art of the Dealing with those classified documents to make some Nixon-level money before handing them off?
Meanwhile, our democracy was saved in Wisconsin in the nick of time before its falling into the 1800’s. Janet Protasiewicz (spelled just like it sounds) is a huge win for progressives, and won huge in Wisconsin, winning in blue and red districts. Or, at least the reds didn’t vote against her. The will of the people in double digits was recognized by Republicans with their expected grace.
Similarly, the Republican Tennessee House has moved to expel three Democratic members calling for gun control. Republicans feel that being on the wrong side of history will sting less once they eliminate all of their enemies.
It’s Arraignment Day! Should David Waldman wish us a happy Arraignment Day, or is it one of those more somber, reflective holidays? We have a few more coming up soon, so we’ll figure it out.
This is a big day for Donald Trump, but it just isn’t his day. Donald had all sorts of big plans, but even in New York City it’s difficult to source a cross light enough for him to bear down Broadway.
It was very ugly in Manhattan this morning, and that was before 60 Minutes celebrity Marjorie Traitor Greene auditioned for Lead Disciple in Trump’s passion play. Marge got the gong.
Meanwhile, Eric Trump and Junior were left to wait in the plane. (The windows were rolled down.) Eric waived to the Eric Trump on TV, and Eric waved back, but wouldn’t come over to play. Junior might have pooped his pants though.
More obstruction evidence at Mar-a-Lago would be the last thing Trump needs, and yet for the guy who wants everything, it’s the perfect gift. Trump found out that Nixon got $18 million following his White House crimes, and was making the perfect deal to top it, when all of a sudden, they raided Mar-a-Lago, they viciously raided it.
Roy McGrath, former chief of staff for former Maryland Gov. Larry Hogan was formerly a fugitive from the FBI but is presently dead from somebody’s bullet.
McGrath was shot in Tennessee, which has plenty to be concerned about. Thousands of students marched on the Capitol demanding gun control. They were joined by 3 Democratic House members, which must be a bad thing, because they were stripped of committee roles, and might be expelled. Apparently not so bad, physically assaulting Democratic House members.
Remember when Russia said Finland joining NATO didn't pose a threat? They changed their mind. Right when it was their turn to take charge of the UN security council, too.
You can't see David Waldman and Greg Dworkin on today’s KITM!
In significant step forward for women’s basketball, the sport now has finally become big enough to sustain days of loudmouth opinionating.
New York, New York gets ready to give a big New York welcome to Donald Trump tomorrow! If Donald can be arraigned there, he can (and will) be arraigned anywhere. Of course, not everyone is delighted about this... over two thirds are of course, but somebody might still be opposed, maybe, for a while. Then there will be even more indictments, arraignments, trials, convictions, etc., etc. and eventually people will get tired of all the winning. Chances are that ubiquitous Michael Cohen, raw dog fall guy Elliott Broidy, mysterious Chinese plutocrats, rappers, sex and money will be involved. That makes even Chuck Todd wonder why somebody hadn’t gotten on this sooner.
Trump says the Justice System has been weaponized. He would know. So would Jim Jordan.
Wow. 60 Minutes used to be a journalistic authority. Now Marjorie Traitor Greene is a fan.
The contest is over. The best April Fool’s joke of ALL TIME was pulled in St. Petersburg, Russia.
April Fool!
It’s our April Fool’s Day show! From last year, you fool! Because today isn’t even April Fool’s Day. So, duh!
Last year, when you were being fooled, the summary of the day’s show, which was presented in a totally serious manner, read as follows:
This morning, David Waldman was late packing school lunches and just hadn’t the time for fooling around. If you are in the mood for that kind of stuff, you can check out our KITM Eastern Orthodox April Fool's Day Special, tomorrow…
David looks back at the Ukraine Aid Freeze of 2019,because it was withheld in the never-ending pursuit ofdirt, has always been lied about, and will be lied about in the future.
Newly elected Lauren Boebert was already an insurrectionist VIP on January 6,with a seat at the insurrectionist planning committee, right behind Mr. Pillow! Lauren didn’t crash the party though; Boebert earned her seat leading insurrectionist tours the day before.
Horse paste does not cure COVID-19.Most who take it are idiots. Idiots do remain Republicans’ most important constituency, however, so the sacred right to brush your teeth with the stuff will never be infringed upon. An anti-masker in Pennsylvania did her research, not on masks but on arcane local procedural provisions, to oust 5 out of 9 of her school board members. Conservatives now embrace QAnon's "liberals are pedophiles", and“great replacement” doctrines, even taking Disney flat-footed.
David Waldman and Greg Dworkin deliver us to the weekend, exceeding our expectations yet again.
In France, oil refinery strikers continue to persevere. In Israel, Benjamin Netanyahu will need to persevere without the support of Joe Biden and the UAE. Ukrainians persevere, and maybe even flourish.
What a maroon! Bugs Bunny couldn’t hope to own Ron DeSantis better than Disney and their lawyers will, in perpetuity, or maybe even longer. DeSantis will lose big to Donald Trump also, by the way. Heels like Trump always win, always. (On TV.) Corporate villains like Ron DeSantis always lose. (On TV.) Is there a “real life” version of the Republicans anymore? Ivanka Trump will prefer to watch her father’s demise on her phone.
Republicans are running on “parent’s rights”, but what rights are parents getting? There can only be so many books they could ban. Meanwhile, Democrats are running on restoring abortion rights. Obamacare keeps winning… and losing.
Michigan Democrats keep winning for Michiganders, which turns out to be winning for Michigan Democrats.
Allen Weisselberg is picking up the tab on his lawyers from now on, so at least he’s turning his back on Trump’s money.
Trump judge Matthew Kacsmaryk took some time out of his fabricating reasoning for banning abortion medication to Twitter-bully University of Texas School of Law professor Steve Vladeck, which isn’t respectable judicial behavior, but few things are anymore. Rogue courts are legislating for hire with Kacsmaryk and Reed O'Connor as the go-tos for reactionary court shoppers.
Yes, we are once again Under the Cloud of a Mass Shooting.™
Since the setting was, once again, a school, trotting out the old “too many doors” talking point was required by law. But how could this have happened, in the land of more guns = more safety?
In other news — if news it be — the FBI once thought they had the goods, or that there were goods to be had, on Ivana “Not Ivanka” Trump.
Nobody really understands what’s going on in Israel. But one thing we do know is that if they had Unfrozen Caveman Lawyers, they would refuse to represent Netanyahu.
Nobody knows why Ginni Thomas feels entitled to be paid for her $#*t-posting lifestyle, but she does, so it looks like they’re doing it.
Students are pushing back against George Mason University’s decision to invite Gov. Glenn Youngkin to deliver this year’s commencement address. But isn’t GMU well-known for its conservatism? Well, yes and no.
Joan McCarter may have been absent from our phone Skype lines, but she wasn’t absent from our airwaves Internet whatever thingies. We checked in on the latest Gop hostage taking, and efforts to repeal two out of three still-active AUMFs (AsUMF?), MFers.
Tune in today and you might hear David Waldman and Greg Dworkin sing the rarely-heard lyrics to the KITM theme!
You might also be told that this is the Trump rally in Waco, but it is Jerusalem, after barely elected Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu attempts to reconstruct his court system over on the far right of Israel’s politics. About a million loud and angry citizens seemed to make Netanyahu blink, but what that blink signifies is yet to be determined.
Vladimir Putin is selling positions along the Russian front as if they were timeshares. New openings become available every day!
Over at the real Trump rally in Waco, nothing was real, which is exactly how Trump and his supporters like it. Like professional wrestling, fans know it is an act, but also will fistfight anyone who says it is an act. Button-down fascist Ron DeSantis is somehow the Governor of Florida and yet not only does not get this, but his candidacy actually threatens to expose the whole Kayfabe. Time to find another jobber. Arresting Donald Trump will be a whole new level of breaking character for him.
One of Tucker Carlson’s ex-producers is adding to her lawsuit against Fox. Another of Tucker Carlson’s ex-producers is part of Dominion’s lawsuit against Fox.
Until pro-wrestling, the Right’s favorite family-friendly form of community theater was of course the minstrel show, then the woke mob took that all away. Drag was always good for a laugh, but then it became woke, or worse, became known as woke, forcing Republican queens out into the cold.
One Democrat stopped the anti-trans wave in Nebraska, and vows to keep fighting until trans-rights are safe.
David Waldman’s got Friday on his mind, and one or two other things, which he addressed on today’s KITM.
Ok, well, he hasn’t been arrested yet. Just because Donald Trump lied about being arrested doesn’t mean he isn’t feeling that the walls are closing in though. Donald is now putting the call out for anyone who will rid him of these troublesome prosecutors, anyone who might share his enthusiasms. Trump will next head to Waco, Texas to preach to his most faithful.
“Pro-Trump” and “White supremacist troll” would seem synonymous, yet Douglass Mackey excels at both to the extent that the FBI had to hunt him down.
Woke is the Right’s new N-word for identifying people that they consider to be… uhm, woke. Florida schools have eliminated most education pursuing woke, butnow Tallahassee Classical School has discovered that wokeness extends all the way back to early 1500’s Florence, in the form of a marble wang. Once 6th graders (none of whom had never seen a penis before) glimpsed a photo of Michelangelo’s “David” statue, the principal of the school was of course forced to resign. Chair of the Tallahassee Classical School board, Barney Bishop III, made a completely impartial and fair analysis of the situation, which can only be fully understood by reading the transcript of his explanation.
Ramadan Mubarak to everyone honoring the holy month of Ramadan, a time of fasting, introspection and prayer. Which always means there’s something good to eat eventually!
Today, David Waldman and Greg Dworkin bring us another in a series of KITM Donald Trump Pre-Indictment Specials. This will be an ongoing series because just about everyone other than us is making money off it. (Also, because Trump does many indictable things.)
Donald’s always happy to fleece the rubes. He also believes that this will get him an advantage over Ron DeSantis, as if he ever needed one. Mostly however, Donald Trump is looking forward to the pageantry of his very first perp walk. After all, this marks the apex all of Trump’s career goals and ambitions, while simultaneously achieving that long-awaited pivot to the better appreciation of the plight of the common man.
Or perhaps getting indicted is ”a bad thing”? The case is so novel and complex that attorneys are considering divorce lawyer tactics. Lordy, communications between Stormy Daniels and Trump attorney Joe Tacopina have been turned over to Manhattan DA.
Wait until Jack Smith gets hold of him. Jack has a Whitman’s Sampler of incrimination to pick through.
What’s the Republican party to do? The answer is that they will do worse and suffer more. Well, they could vote for Mike Pence... a joke that even Mike himself might get some day.
Special KITM correspondent Rosalyn MacGregor reports from Barry County, Michigan where they raffle off AR-15s in order to allow heathen public schoolers a Christian education. Will West Michigan become a Christian gun sanctuary?
Clarence Thomas is a Constitutional originalist, in that the Founders would know that he makes stuff up on the spot. Clarence’s clairvoyance has led to new gun law interpretations throughout the courts as other judges pretend to guess what their ancestors had in mind.
David Waldman wishes KITM listeners residing on Eastern Orthodox Earth a cheer-filled Equinox. But can it really be that great if we can’t celebrate Arrestmas today? Today, tens of ones of protesters are feeling kind of silly, accurately, here and there across the US. Again, Antifa sends its regrets for not being able to attend.
Republicans shout “Calm down everyone!” in an effort to make it seem like someone is excited. They demand investigations in an effort to make it seem that someone other than Donald Trump is on trial. They issue threats to make it seem like they are capable of following through. Then they say it really doesn’t matter to make it seem as if they aren’t in the same legal trouble as well.
Ron DeSantis will degrade himself to appease Trump and it will destroy him. No way around that. Ron should enjoy his time subverting justice and razing society while he still can. Florida textbooks will equate Rosa Parks with a guy who needed to be wrapped in duct tape to remove off an airliner. If they succeed, it won’t be just Florida. Or maybe the free market will intervene, and all schools will move to blue states.
Are we all like fetuses, but with less rights?
The Fox v Dominion lawsuit heads to court. The Fox v Smartmatic lawsuit will pick up from there. Everybody, take a number and get in line.
Grandpa always said not to take any wooden nickels, but JPMorgan Chase accepted bags of stones.
Congressional absences are hurting both parties, but not as much as some of the ones that stick around.
Things aren’t going well for Russia right now, but Dmitry Medvedev believes that threatening to shoot up the courthouse might help.
Greta Thunberg will sue Sweden for not doing enough about climate.
Unemployment is low, so are layoffs. What can employers do to trick employees into not quitting?
Happy Yom Saint Patrick Ha’Kodesh! It’s Friday! That’s the day no one cuts in on David Waldman while he’s exercising his prerogatives, which are already sick swole, bro.
Today’s prerogative workout focuses upon strengthening our focus upon the upcoming trial of former Fugees front man Prakazrel Michel. Michel is accused of funneling millions in foreign money from Malaysian mountebank Jho Low (still on the lam) into Barack Obama’s re-election campaign and conspiring with Low, Trump officials and the Chinese to extradite Chinese dissident, singing Bond villain, Guo Wengui.
This is a Great American Story! There's a serious chance this will explode in the news when the trial begins, and we'll all feel well-served by knowing the background when that happens. Fully informed, you can rest this weekend as easy as an unindicted tech bro on his new Thuma bed with Hariana Tech Smart leather upgrades.
David Waldman and Greg Dworkin’s KITM Annual Review of the Pageantry and Spectacle of the Oscars has been preempted due to a lack of interest, theirs. 2022 was a year of resurgence, as Ke Huy Quan, Brendan Fraser, and Cocaine Bear all overcame great personal setbacks in their careers, but unfortunately, we won’t be addressing that. Stormy Daniels’ rebound, now that we know something about.
Silicon Valley Bank also isn’t set for a comeback, but US regulators are allowing for full refunds. So, what are we to learn from this that we haven't already learned 16 times under Donald Trump, or in the previous 40 to 60 years or so of movies and TV?
One thing about movies, they’re better than even golf courses for meeting, making and hiding money. Some might find that movies can be a bit disorienting and confusing at times, but just try to keep up as David chases the secret money behind The Wolf of Wall Street through Malaysian public and private limited companies and 1MDBs from China through the US throughfinancier Jho Low and Fugees rapper Prakazrel “Pras” Michel with the help of Trump stooge Elliot Broidy.
Mike Pence believes American people deserve to know about January 6th, just not under oath. Ron DeSantis doesn’t believe the American people really deserve anything. 2024 Gop candidates expect Republican voters will take what they’re given.
David Waldman and Greg Dworkin are the perfecta to bet on for today’s Thursday KITM!
Mitch McConnell, 81, fell at the Waldorf Astoria hotel in Washington, D.C. has a concussion, and is still at the hospital.
Tucker Carlson and Kevin McCarthy’s plan to rewrite history has hit a snag, in that there are still people around who recall what happened on that day. Perhaps if Tucker and Kevin continue to repeat their thoughts on January 6, they will self-immolate Fox and the Gop before the election. Dominion’s lawsuit reveals how little news matters to Fox News.
Does Donald Trump prefer flattery over frankness? Find out in “Letters to Trump”, Donald’s latest attempt to make other's product into his profit.
Michigan turns blue, and all of a sudden, good things are happening.
Woke is good and Republicans are having a tough time making it bad. Americans just want to keep their kids safe from gun violence and learn the things they need to be successful in school and life. President Joe Biden gets that.
A secret right-wing working group pushes anti-trans laws across the country, assisted by various idiots, and opposed by good parents.
Things are moving from tense to more tense with China, and the US needs to deal with it before they need to really deal with it.
David Waldman presents a special Goes-It-Alone KITM today.
George Santos lies. Not like Donald Trump lies, but enough to run into legal trouble. What George needs is that kind of lawyer with a “killer instinct” Trump goes for, but where is Santo’s Roy Cohn? Well, it turns out that he’s repping George in Brazil. Jonymar Vasconcelos, “former” contract killer and neophyte legal counsel is on the case in Brazil, where Santos, who speaks fluent Portuguese, doesn’t speak Portuguese.
Rupert Murdoch is probably wondering where his Roy Cohn or Anton Chigurh is, following Tucker Carlson’s segment last night, in which Carlson proved that the January 6th insurrectionists weren’t insurrecting all day. After all, the Hindenburg also mostly flew great.
At CPAC, by the time Donald Trump left the building everyone except the media were reassured that Trump was the nihilist nut he’s always been, and Republicans want. The problem is, others do that schtick, and Donald’s not the draw he used to be. Fear, bigotry and cruelty always have a market, just rotating sales staff. Lately, MAGA Republicans competing for commission have been pushing the genocide.
Mesa County Clerk/whack job Tina Peters was found guilty of obstruction for playing Piggy in the Middle with her iPad and the officers with a warrant.
It’s Friday! The day of the week David Waldman commands the entire show with the freedom to address any topic as he sees fit! Also, KITM correspondent Rosalyn MacGregor, now available on Spoutible, reports on the latest attempts to ratify the Equal Rights Amendment, and Republican’s latest attempt to kill it.
George Santos lies. George diverted voter registration money to a Gop-allied gay rights site. (And probably back to his pocket.)
White nationalist Groyper Nick Fuentes is a neo-Nazi, and a real asshole, entered into no-fly lists for threatening flight attendants, and a no-attend list at CPAC for dining with Donald Trump. Neo-Nazi Dildo Vendor Dallas Humber has been revealed as the narrator of terror manuals and manifestos and the advocate of white supremacist mass murder.
If you think they’re bad, check out Republican Scott Perry, who wants Democrats to be quaking in fear that they will end up going to jail, and hopes to evict any government agencies who disagree with him. Republican presidential candidate... uhm, Perry Johnson, wants to kill China and Ukraine, but really soured the CPAC crowd by dissing Vladimir Putin. The Texas Gop plans to subsidize Christian breeders. Tennessee promotes their new film, “Cocaine Cop”, bans gender affirmation and criminalizes public drag performances. How can Ron ChatGPT Trump DeSantis ever compete with these despots? By making it easy to sue the media (Sorry Fox!), firing professors, and registering anyone with an opinion.
Rupert Murdoch could board up Fox and retire at 91 with a few billion in the bank, but there’s always that last big score…
Jim Jordan will probably need to wait for George Clooney’s documentary to reach that fame he’s been grasping for. It looks like the Deep State is as elusive as the Loch Ness Monster, with all of Jim’s whistleblowers blowing someone else’s whistles.
David Waldman and Greg Dworkin deliver us to the weekend. (Plus, Friday, the other weekend.)
If Mike LIndell is brave enough to take on Fox, Democrats believe they might be also, now that everyone understands how little “news” there is over there. Fox responds that they’re not the liars, you are, and anyhow, their viewers have been asking for it, and deserve everything that’s coming to them. All their lying may not get Fox and Rupert Murdoch in as much trouble as those times when they told the truth.
The FBI was afraid to go to Mar-a-Lago, because they knew that no amount of body armor could protect them from Donald Trump’s mean tweets.
Following the Ohio train derailment, Senators are now proposing a rail safety bill. Republicans however want to wait a while until it becomes easier for them to duck out of voting for it.
CPAC has always been nuts but now has become so MAGA thatRepublicans don’t want to be seen there. It might even be too MAGA for Donald Trump. Donald still has to show up to make certain that their straw poll doesn’t fill up with too many contenders, other than of course that ChatGPT version of Trump, Ron DeSantis.
David Waldman presents another Tuesday KITM for ourconsideration.
In Ukraine today, the “Hero of the Russian Federation”, Nikolai Kolpakov, might be even more so, after confronting the business end of a couple of Ukranian drones. In Ukraine in 1772, Russia already had active measures deployed, and the US was already providing military support.
Rupert Murdoch is throwing Fox News under the bus, or as “some” say “under the table”, in a futile attempt to suppress the Dominion wildfire before it engulfs his entire empire. Rupe gave Jared Kushner previews of Biden campaign ads, along with other “confidential information”. It’s getting so hot at Fox, Republican hair is catching on fire.
Over at the Trump Supreme Court, Clarence Thomas celebrated finally paying off his student loans. Cleta Mitchel argues that your vote is just your opinion, and if your vote is Democratic, your opinion does not count.
Joan McCarter reports that twelve states led by Democrats are taking on the Food and Drug Administration to counter a ruling by some Amarillo judge to nationally ban medication abortion pills previously available for decades.
David Waldman swears that he saw thousands of snow geese this weekend, and as proof shares a live feed of an apparently empty lake. Who knows what you might see if you look at something hard enough.
How did you find us? If you listen to the podcast, but think of it as a “blog”, and remember our past defunct affiliations, just type in the URL and you’re almost good to go... a few dozen characters, half a dozen slashes and EZPZ, you’re with David and Greg Dworkin and KITM today, the best-kept secret on the Internet, and worth the effort.
This weekend many were shocked to discover that famed 90’s comic strip Dilbert is still being distributed, and perhaps even read in a few publications. That number of publications drops each time author Scott Adams reveals that he is a racist moron, and Scott Adams reveals that he is a racist moron each time the number of publications drops. Adams still has a friend in Elon Musk, who is always ready to Make Apartheid Great Again.
We all know what Tucker Carlson will see when he looks at his cache of January 6 footage. He and his viewers can see it already. Tuck and the Gop took one look at the demographics of the Ohio county where the East Palestine train wreck occurred and saw White victimhood as far as their eyes could see.
Conservative Canadian politicians were caught dining with a German ultra-right Anti-Islamic politician and were shocked to find out that people could look her up on Wikipedia. (She didn’t like them either). Britons don’t see what they saw in that guy, Boris Johnson.
The US Department of Energy has concluded that the COVID-19 pandemic likely came from a lab leak, and as far as Republicans are concerned, that is the only department’s opinion that counts. Senator Jim Inhofe admits that he retired due to “long COVID”, and as far as Inhofe’s concerned, he’s the first to admit that he has it.
Nebraska state Senator Machaela Cavanaugh will filibuster every bill until anti-abortion and gender-affirming health care bills are withdrawn. You too can Blue policies passed in your Red state, by running statewide ballot initiatives. Republicans, on the other hand, simply install their judge, then run their cases through him, creating the law for the entire country. Jessa Duggar, of the multiplying Duggars, had an abortion recently, but it’s OK, because she didn’t call it “an abortion”. If you know what to call it, it’s as easy as ordering a pizza.
David Waldman and Greg Dworkin present today’s Fat Thursday KITM Special. Freshen up your Eastern Orthodox pączki in your coffee and join us.
Kevin McCarthy is an idiot, but never before has he been such a useful idiot, saving Fox “news” from the brink of some fair and balanced justice. Kevin handed prep school Alex Jones, Tucker Carlson a treasure-trove of treason in January 6 footage, pinpointing security weaknesses, creating a counter-history of alternative facts, and most importantly to Kevin and Tucker, keeping them both securely rich for the rest of their lives.
Former Arizona AG, Mark Brnovich left office after hiding a few vowels, and the findings of a March 2022 report ruling out Trump election fraud claims. Ivanka and Jared however aren’t so lucky, now subpoenaed in Jack Smith’s Jan. 6 probe.
George Santos lied, this time about donations to Republicans, which seem to have never shown up. Ron DeSantis had to come up with an opinion on foreign policy, which turned out to be uniformed. That’s ok, because so are the people who will be voting for him. Donald Trump probably can’t believe how Ron keeps eating his lunch.
Meanwhile, Democrats won three big election victories in Gop states, and the Wisconsin Supreme Court election is looking good, and that’s really big. Times are changing, and NDN, the Democratic advocacy and research group run by Simon Rosenberg has done its job.
It’s Fat Tuesday no longer, although if you ate enough pączki your Ash Wednesdayis also probably pretty fat. (If you found jelly in your pączek, it’s just a jelly donut.)
Longtime KITM listeners expecting David Waldman and Greg Dworkin to talk about politics today had their expectations met. Democrats overperformed in elections across the country, with the Wisconsin Supreme Court primary approaching general election turnout. What does this mean for 2024, where somehow everyone is an underdog? Tim Scott and Nikki Haley will soon butt heads, and it is hoped that their heads make that coconut sound when they do. Haley calls for mental competency tests, which Republican voters really hope they don’t have to take.
Republicans aren’t exactly Nazis, but they’ll do until some real ones come along… What do you know, KITM correspondent Rosalyn MacGregor just found one in the Hillsdale County Michigan Gop.
James O’Keefe isn’t good enough for Project Veritas anymore.
Meanwhile, President Joe Biden stands for freedom and commitment around the world.
David Waldman and Greg Dworkin present our annual KITM Mattress Day Special, BOGO today, and well, most days:
Surprise! President Joe Biden popped over to Kyiv today for some ice cream, and to send a message to the free world and not-so free world that even the densest in the MSM can process into a meaningful story. Well, maybe not everyone. Not Fox News, because they aren’t news, which isn’t news.
Fox will say Donald Trump was too busy doing better things to bother with Ukraine. Trump is now devoting every waking hour coming up with the worst statement in the history of spoken language to make about Jimmy Carter, POTUS GOAT.
Meanwhile, Russia’s rate of diminishing returns in Ukraine is approaching infinity.
The New York Times hasn’t yet explained why this Ukraine trip is bad news for Joe Biden. In the meantime, they are explaining how Joe could possibly tackle the upcoming Trump juggernaut.
In Michigan, the Far Right was beaten by the Further Right as Kristina Karamo, who has yet to concede her last election, wins control of the Republican party. Karamo wasn’t even Donald Trump’s first pick, although she sure is now. Folks in the Medium Far Right say RIP GOP.
Florida has whittled their college curriculum down to one textbook. Oregon will crack down on paramilitary groups once they locate the Antifa ones.
It’s two against two in the Wisconsin Supreme Court brackets, but the finals might be all Dems.
David Waldman makes it to the weekend!
But first, we finish up Jennifer Cohn’s teardown of the Roger Stone business model, from his sadism to his deceitfulness.
It is difficult to pull off the entire “Roger Stone package”, although many Republicans are out there trying. In the dissembling camp there is of course George Santos, who is sort of the new “Lindsey Graham” but without the craftmanship. And there’s Anna Paulina Luna, who is Ashke...”Nazi”...ish. Now there’s Andy Ogles, internationally recognized as absolutely nothing he claims to be. There will always be Fox News… or maybe not. But, you just can’t count out that bunch of contenders vying for the title in Georgia.
In Camp Thug you have… Well, you don’t have the Tiki Torch guy anymore, but you do have “Trump biker gangs”, still out there and ready to rumble wherever bigotry and violence are needed. If you are thinking something sounds familiar, perhaps you are recalling “Putin’s biker gangs”, who are strangely similar in their methods and intentions. Domestic terrorists don’t need biker gangs when they have the police to count on. And again, there’s always Georgia.
None of them can hold a candle to the former guy, the guy who brought mob criminality and Hollywood duplicity into political corruption.
David Waldman goes it alone again today as Greg Dworkin remains on assignment aboard the KITM World Dirigible above Dunhuang.
Ruptured Republicans can’t stop committing unforced errors and seem to have every intention to keep injuring themselves. We wish them lots of luck in their senior year. Matt Gaetz has now become the best they got.
Why is this man laughing? Because, unlike his hero, Roger Stone is going to get away with it. Stone not only lent support to the January 6 insurrection, but January 6 is Roger Stone, from his hate to his bullying, to his disinformation, and disingenuousness. Roger and his gang have lived their lives to make other’s lives miserable, and it’s been pretty much a success so far.
David Waldman awakens again under the cloud of yet another page formatting crisis. Also, more people died in another mass shooting, but who knows how to fix that? Today is the day to get shot with tiny little Eros arrows, in a bacchanal of love, literature, learning, languages, and linguistics. (Offer void in FL.)
It’s probably not a good time to be flitting about in the air anyhow. Cro-Magnon Emma Frost, Marjorie Traitor Greene wonders why, if only 3 out of 4 planes on 9/11 killed people on the ground, why wouldn't Joe Biden shoot down that balloon?
It’s not a good time to stick around in Russia. The US is telling American citizens that it’s time to get out of there.
Anna Paulina Luna... you can call her "Mayerhofer” if you want. Anna can be “Ashkenazi”, she can be “Nazi”, whatever works best (For her.) You can even call her “Karen”. Just don’t call her “George Santos”, because that would probably be a lie. Anti-Liberalism is the new Unification Church.
Joan McCarter tells us that Joe Biden handed the GQP a shovel and they can’t stop hitting themselves in the head with it. Republicans promise to stay away from Social Security and Medicare, until after they get rid of everything else. Twice, Gigi Sohn has been confirmed to be qualified for the FCC, hopefully this third time they will confirm her to the position.
On today’s KITM, David Waldman and Greg Dworkin review last night’s State of the Union address. If like David, you have different viewing priorities, you missed out. The SOTU wasn’t only must see, it was the place to be seen. Out on the blue carpet, George Washington Santos exchanged high fives with Mitt Romney. Krysten Sinema, always a bridesmaid, never a bride, found herself far outshone by Marjorie Traitor Green, resplendent in the U-shaped carpet from her guest bathroom. Hapless substitute teacher stuck leading a fifth-grade field trip, Kevin McCarthy helplessly watched his kids forget their instructions to be good citizens and completely lose control and embarrass themselves.
Of course, President Joe Biden was the adult in the room. Sure, Joe was Dark Brandon when he needed to be, but remained presidential every moment he was on the floor, and then some.
Politics are a complex thing, and winning and keeping voters will depend upon whose explanation is best understood, unless the Russians have anything to say about it.
It’s SOTU day on KITM! David Waldman and Joan McCarter are your pregame announcers, with final preparations now underway at the White House with President Joe Biden getting some stretching in, while on the other side Sarah Huckabee Sanders is busy applying her eye black of lies. As with the Super Bowl, you can be certain it won’t be exciting, but it will be big. You never know, Balloon Bustin’ Joe could show up with the Evil Chinese Spy Balloon on a pike. What would Republicans say about that? Not much, if they’re smart.
January was a flop for Republicans and February isn’t looking a lot better. “Problem Solvers” and the “Main Street” Gop think they can tell the GQP what to do, when none of them have even a clue.
George Santos, once bitten by a radioactive liar and now being investigated by House Ethics Committee, should be the cutaway king tonight, or queen if he’s feeling cute. J.R. Majewski, the George Santos of Ohio, is a larger and hairier man who projects an image of rugged masculinity and might be running for office again.
Representative Ilhan Omar will be at the SOTU, and there’s nothing Republicans can do about that. Omar isn’t in the same league as Marjorie Traitor Greene.
KITM correspondent Rosalyn MacGregor reports from Ottawa County, Michigan, where the county board threw a county coup, featuring surprise resolutions, replacing officials with no-nothings, installing cronies, and changing that woke motto “Where You Belong” to the warmly reactionary “Where Freedom Rings.” The question of whether any of this reflected the will of the public apparently never entered their minds… but it has now.
Russia's war in Ukraine might have inadvertently endangered the pipeline of cash to European politicians.
In home-grown terrorism news, the neo-Nazi couple taking out power substations around Baltimore are revealing a growing trend.
KITM is ALL-NEW today! And, you know what that means. It means that David Waldman pre-recorded the show slightly before our normal live-recording time, and that you will have to wait until Monday to hear our definitive take on the Evil Chinese Spy Balloon, of course depending on where it ends up this weekend.
Instead let’s talk about the John Durham investigation, a witch hunt that William Barr had aimed at Joe Biden to snuff out the Trump-Russia investigation. That weapon almost blew up in their faces, as the only criminal they flushed out was Donald Trump. This is okay by Republicans, as they understand that everyone has gotten used to them turning up as the culprit, but they’d like at least some suspicion aimed at Democrats, especially if it elicits investigations into their investigations of the investigations into their investigations.
Good news! The mushroom tea I gave David Waldman seems to have done the trick, as he has recovered from Covid just in time for our KITM spring lambing and the dawn of a new month.
Greg Dworkin has good news about those two monkeys you were worried about, and conjunctions continue to junction. How that could be bad news for Joe Biden.
The Republican party hopes and dreams for actuarial arbitrage, or perhaps a falling anvil to help them with their Donald Trump problem. However, the base demands that Trump return for a third term, so what can they do? If they weren't inept obvious lunatics, Republicans could be pretty annoying.
There seems to be digital smoking gun evidence on (R-Pa.) Scott Perry's phone about January 6, so let the secret hijinks begin.
George Santos retired from committee work to spend more time with his family, and even after Matt Gaetz unleashed his inner Joe Manchin, Ilhan Omar is off the House Foreign Affairs Committee.
Russians won’t let a hot war in Ukraine get in the way of the perpetual cold war they have around the world.
In the UK, once Liz Truss lost in a rigged election against a head of lettuce it was thought the UK wouldn’t have her to kick around anymore, but she's now wondering if we miss her yet. Please clap.
David Waldman is feeling a little less positive today. That’s good, at least when it comes to Covid. President Joe Biden isn’t so positive that COVID-19 is such a big deal anymore, at least when it comes to handing out benefits.
Republican’s actuarial arbitrage comes to a close on Covid, although trading remains brisk on how former the Former Guy could get soon. Not just the GQP, but the FBI and the NYT might also be checking their calendars and their watches wondering when the pressure will finally come down.
Alas, Donald isn’t going anywhere soon. Once again, we need to reexamine the web of Trump’s Russian collusion, from Oleg Deripaska to Paul Manafort, with a long, sad stop at dirtbag Charles McGonigal.
George Santos isn’t going away as long as his lies keep catching up with him, and they are legion. Kevin McCarthy is being punished and humiliated each moment by Santos, which is sort of his lot in life. So, is George recusing himself from committees a bow to McCarthy’s steadfast moral compass, or is he just keeping Kev around a while longer to prolong his agony?
Joan McCarter is here to help tear at Republican ruptures, although they are doing just fine on their own. Dems can sit back and enjoy the show.
David Waldman is ALIVE and LIVE today, broadcasting from the isolation wing of KITM World Headquarters, back after a week out sick with the Covid! David always could have gone with something trendy but he stuck with the classics. A healthy 400 miles away, Greg Dworkin pilots a superraft of stories into dock.
Norms! Not a problem for Republicans, but they can keep even popular Democratic Governor Kathy Hochul from getting the judge she wants. That infighting is nothing compared to the ruptured Republicans. No one is buying what they’re selling, because they're bad politicians with bad policies. Even the best products fail without a good sales staff. World's worst salesman/criminal, Donald Trump continues to elude law enforcement.
Of course, Trump had plenty of accomplices. The Republican controlled House should have hearings on how corrupt FBI agents teamed with the mainstream media in an effort to weaponize government... but what are the chances of that? Plenty of dots connect Russia to scumbag Charles McGonigal, to Paul Manafort to Trump. The dots are almost big enough to connect themselves.
It's been no fun being away from the microphone, but I think I'm almost back in the clear. One more day of reruns, and a "traditional" Friday show... for a Friday! Our January 28, 2022 episode follows:
David Waldman delivers us to Friday! Probably because he didn’t have to drive over a bridge in Pittsburgh to get there.
Who isn’t wild about Harry? The same Tennessee school board against Maus, because of “the cussing”, believe the song “I’m Just Wild About Harry” is a little “too hot” for kids... Ironic isn’t it, that the song was originally controversial for implying that Black people were capable of romantic relationships? In the board’s defense, they might not have been aware of that, as that district has always been untouched by CRT, and that song has long been purged of race… pretty much.
You’d think ol’ times there are not forgotten, but some do have selective memories. Glenn Youngkin is banning the teaching of “critical race theory” in his state but forgot he helped set it up in his kid’s school. In Florida, civil rights are a memory some would prefer to soon forget. Fox News can’t remember any Black people that made it through school. (Republicans on the judiciary committee will sure be surprised to see a Black woman in business attire.) Joe Rogan actually can’t remember seeing a Black person outside of a National Geographic.
Senior Black Correspondent Darwin H.M. reports that the NFL is down to a single Black head coach after it pledged to do better with diversity, as Black coaches are required only successes and allowed no mistakes over any season.
Sarah Palin, on the other hand, can be as dumb as wants, wherever she wants, and waiters will find her the best table.
Texas redistricted to reduce Black and Hispanic voting power. That’s probably against the law, but they’ll work around that also. Arizona will just pass a law to allow them to change any election they don’t like.
The Equal Rights Amendment has been almost for most lifetimes, but maybe it’s more almost now.
Out sick again, today! So, our January 27, 2022 episode (a Thursday, for a different kind of continuity) takes us back in time:
David Waldman and Greg Dworkin deliver the latest, broadcast from KITM World Headquarters, a microcosm of America located in the heart of Virginia, a microcosm of America.
Public schools just seem to be designed to make children less ignorant and more independent, and therefore have always inspired conservative fear and hatred. Whatever schools are for, if you are against it, you’ll get Republican votes.
Virginia schools are melting down and Glenn Youngkin promised to light the torch. Most VA school districts are resisting but Youngkin voters are just happy to know some are suffering like they do in their imaginations. A Mississippi mayor is defunding any county library that stirs any of his homosexual anxieties. A school board in Tennessee banned a Pulitzer Prize-winning graphic novel about the Holocaust, Maus. It must be not only too soon to address the Holocaust, but also the overt sexuality of the first African American hit play, 1921’s Shuffle Along, and of course that wantonly hotsy-totsy song “I’m Just Wild About Harry”.
Does the rest of the country meet these folks “halfway” in order to save democracy? Or is a more radical solution needed? Oh, maybe later we’ll get to that. First, we need to confirm a new Supreme Court Justice, quickly and fuss-free, like the last one. Of course, it would help to have a vacancy or two, but really everything is up for debate.
Oh noes! Another sick day! So we bring out the time machine, and the Jan. 25, 2022 episode.
School districts around the country continue to find themselves in disagreement with the virus about reopening policies.
John Eastman discovers a new constitutional amendment for Trumpniks to love, even though TFG says he hates it. Meanwhile TCG (the current guy) in Virginia is turning out to be pretty Trumpy, even as he encourages turning in teachers. Though the same could be said for a lot of Gop govs.
And one Idaho school board is done with (telling parents about) the virus, too! In fact, every Republican in the state is kind of done with sanity.
Senior Idaho Republicans are Crazy correspondent Joan McCarter came by, to do nothing to dissuade us of that. But we did—as always—get some insights into the situation in Idaho, and a run down of the next emergencies in Congress. You know: the old government shutdown trick, the old election protection bait-and-switch, and of course, the old Manchin bait-and-switch.
Had to take a "sick day" today, but we committed to not taking any medications until the KITM time machine had been safely parked.
Here's how things went down a year ago, on January 24, 2022:
Whew! David Waldman announces that COVID 19 finally disappeared this weekend! It kind of was like magic, wasn’t it? Oh no, sorry, typo — that’s “Aaron Rodgers” ... Aaron Rodgers who went away. The pandemic, on the other hand is a lot tougher. Bari Weiss and Bill Maher aren’t “done” yet. Even Sarah Palin won’t be able to ghost this virus… or perhaps she can.
As Greg Dworkin explains, going back to normal from the pandemic depends on which pandemic you are talking about, and which normal you hope to return to. The trick is, you need to get used to a lot of people dying all of the time. Donald Trump, Samuel Alito, and Glenn Youngkin have become fine with people dying in their hands, so you can too. Mask policy on the other hand, that’s something some people are ready to die, and kill for. If one mask prevents the sale of one gun, that’s a violation of a sacred right. It’s America, so high schoolers held back until they’re 18 or over can now carry guns, plus they don’t have listen to anyone talk about someone else’s civil rights anymore.
You know who had a bad day though? Donald Trump! They’re picking on his little girl! No — Ivanka! Ivanka Kushner! Of course, her dad had plans for seizing voting machines, overthrowing democracy, etc. , but Ivanka is barely two Rittenhouses old and should be left alone. Newt Gingrich plans for January 6 committee members to be locked up by next January.
January 6 insurrectionist lawyer Paul Davis is now patriot lawyer for patriots since his previous employment changed the locks. John Pavlovitz has Republican friends, but he doesn’t respect them anymore. Rick Wilson might have a few Republican friends left, but don’t bet on it.
The Virginia Attorney General ran low on state people to fire and since moved on to firing the private sector. Over in Great Britain, Conservative MP Nus Ghani was fired for showing too much “Muslimness” in meetings.
Today on KITM, David Waldman celebrates the year of the cat/rabbit, and Greg Dworkin pops in with a very abbreviated pundit roundup.
We are once again under the cloud of a mass shooting. ™ This weekend, the cloud stopped over Monterey Park in California with an older Asian-American man killing people in an Asian-American neighborhood. Needless heroes, needless deaths. Always different, always the same.
Donald Trump made a campaign stop in Fayetteville, North Carolina, but was delayed by hours of people going on about Lynette "Diamond" Hardaway, a person who frustratingly was not him. Donald got to meet her sister though, so it wasn’t a total loss. TFG heads to South Carolina for his next stop, but won’t have a casket as his opening act, just Lindsey and Dilbert.
A Judge fined Trump about a million dollars for filing a revenge lawsuit against Hillary Clinton, the best ROI on any investment Donald ever made. Trump is giving up on Truth and will be heading back to Twitter where he knows he’s loved.
Joe Biden’s presidency has done very well, except that he has not cured partisanship. Why this is bad news for Joe Biden.
Now that they’ve seen space, billionaires are becoming bored with owning our minds. What’s next for our heroes? Remember to donate today to help one out.
The Left could be rich too, if they only could learn to make their listeners eat themselves alive in obsessive porn-sadness and anger. On the other hand, there is no one more understanding and forgiving than a Republican upon discovering one of their own flock has strayed.
A blog commenter named Beowulf invented the trillion-dollar coin idea, while a school in Massachusetts is working on a trillion-dollar electric bill.
Sorry, David Waldman has no George Santos news for you today! I, however, cannot resist.
No George Santos-ish news is always good news, at least for Republicans. Steve KG Bannon claims George is bulletproof now, but that’s still up for debate.
Florida Republican Greg Steube loves Russia, but still ended up on the wrong side of a 25-foot ladder.
Good news for John McCain, bad news for your cousin the numismatist, it looks as if there won't be a $1000000000000 coin available to paste into anyone’s album soon. Take that up with Marilynn Malerba. Your gold bug cousin probably has never been happy, but the coin would have been platinum anyhow. Of course, a fair sales tax would include all transactions and full disclosure, good news for everyone.
New York Governor Kathy Hochul wants a floor vote on her judge pick but will continue to be given a tough time.
Actor Alec Baldwin might not deserve involuntary manslaughter charges in the Rust movie set shooting, but the situation is not so cut and dried for Rust movie producer, Alec Baldwin. Where are those movie scenes glorifying proper gun maintenance?
A lot of men let their guns do the talking in America. Republicans often seek a violent solution to any rejection, and any conspiracy to defend their position. Beats thinking.
A legal reckoning awaits John Eastman, who hangs tough, showing the same loyalty to Donald Trump that Donald would show to... uhm…
David Waldman and Greg Dworkin serve up a veritable smörgåsbord of newsy delights today. Belly-up to some KITM:
George Santos Devolver Zebrowski is at it again. Meet Kitara Ravache, Brazilian drag queen, the very avocation by which Nazi/MAGA/right-thinking Americans lately find themselves aroused into fury. George might lie and embezzle occasionally, but he’d never admit to that.
Ron DeSantis and Christopher Rufo are happy to attack any institution. Win or lose, at least they are out there trying to be hurtful. Wherever Republicans are in charge, cruelty is always the point.
And so, there’s now the “debt ceiling fight”, in which the US fights to avoid it, and the Gop aims for it.
They aren’t called “Republicans” in Israel, but it’s still understood that governing isn’t on the agenda. New Zealand Prime Minister Jacinda Ardern is just so tired of the Covidiots, she’s getting out. Recurring villain Natalia Veselnitskaya resurfaces in Swiss court, winning one for the bad guys.
Back in the states, either idiots or terrorists are still shooting up power substations. Why can’t they be both?
A New York state Senate Committee rejected Democratic Governor Kathy Hochul's nominee, Hector D. LaSalle, for chief judge, and on the day David left his copy of the New York State Constitution in his other pair of pants, too.
Sam Bankman-Fried gave money to every internet journalist outside of Glenn Greenwald apparently. Semafor returns their check.
It's Wednesday on KITM, so of course David Waldman and Greg Dworkin are here to haul in their rafts of stories. Anything less would be as unthinkable as a data breach at Norton LifeLock, but less possible.
Breaking news: George Santos is worse than we thought, and we were thinking pretty bad... Killing a homeless disabled veteran's dog for money bad. Santos Devolder Zabrovsky denies it, which cinches that. George is now a made man in the MAGA Republican House however, and thus untouchable from this point on. Nothing is untouchable for Matt Schlapp, at least that's what he thought. Schlapp is a lowly lobbyist though, not qualified to lead and safeguard this nation.
Kevin Reek McCarthy wants a photo op with President Joe Biden before he heads to the House floor to trash him and the economy. A 30% sales tax would really own the Libs. The Ohio Gop disenfranchises military voters, collateral damage in their war on democracy. Wyoming Republicans plan to phase out electric vehicles by 2035 and will probably require Wyoming wind to avoid turbines. Well, “Ars longa, vita brevis”, which is Latin for YOLO, LOL. Why can't we treat these idiots like idiots? Because we're better than that. Nevertheless, Trump’s a crook, Biden’s not.
Republican MAGA mind Solomon Peña funded and armed terrorist attacks on Democratic officials in New Mexico, but the last few years had been encouraging for right-wing wackos.
Tough on crime Republicans decide to not be so tough on themselves and pulled HR 27. The RNC should just give up and let Mike Lindell take over.
On today's KITM David Waldman and Greg Dworkin welcome those of you celebrating Martin Luther King Jr. Day, and if you don't, this is kind of a weird place for you to end up. Today is a day for service and inspiration, or for those attempting to reduce the impact of a martyr by pretending he's their hero.
Ron DeSantis is taking the liberal out of liberal arts with shock troops led by Christopher Rufo. Finland has grade school classes in how to identify false information. New Jersey will be the first state to teach classes in spotting fake news. There goes Fox News' whole business model.
Virginia sweater model Glenn Youngkin turned down millions in income for his non-vest wearing constituents by blocking a new Ford battery plant that would have also profited evil Chinese commies.
What's the difference between the Biden and Trump classified document situations? Well, one is supposed to cause Lib tears.
George Santos, if that's his real name, and often it doesn't seem to be, loves to lie and steal, which would normally make him an asset for organized crime… if he didn't love lying quite so much.
Republicans are in disarray and recounting and recounting the 2022 votes aren't really helping. People might vote for a Republican, but few want a MAGA.
Of all the luck, now David Waldman can't locate his 2023 NAFTA calendar for our latest holiday news. While we're determining whose fault that is, check out these links:
Sport legend, and Matt Gaetz’ adopted son George Santos stays in the headlines by maintaining an air of mystery around himself.
The Jan. 6 panel released evidence of the enablers, line-straddlers and quiet resisters in the GQP who contributed to the insurrection. Don’t forget their spouses. Neo-fascist “active clubs” avoid telling venues that they are Nazi rallies, as some places are sensitive to those things.
Electric substation vandalism seems to be trending in the nutcase community, but they finally caught a couple of them in Washington state.
Progressives could spend their time harassing Kevin McCarthy, but really, they have better things to do, and would rather avoid the crossfire. The filibuster continues to evolve, but it never seems to be in a good way.
David Waldman and Greg Dworkin bring us the Thursday KITM, or as we like to call it, Today’s Show™:
Celebrated Congressman/Senator/Justice George Santos is thinking about retiring soon to spend more time with his family, professional sports career, and business ventures. It’s just that so many rely upon him, 142, maybe 142,000 people, that it’s a tough decision.
Republicans used to care about the secure handling of classified information… Oops! They care again! Now it has become such a crisis that Merrick Garland appointed a special counsel quicker than anyone, especially Merick Garland, could have ever imagined.
Republicans passively enabled the January 6 insurrection, but now that they have some control, they are able to take a more hands-on approach. Women resisting impregnation will soon become a criminal offence, even though that means more people saying “labor”, and they hate that word.
Democrats can fight back Republicans on border/immigration issues by actually taking charge and not engaging in their trolling and stunts. Ron DeSantis wants to be Donald Trump, but he still has a long way to go.
In legislative elections, Democrats are defying history, and more Americans now live in a Democratic trifecta than a Republican trifecta, and inflation is moderating, though stuff could be cheaper.
All flights in the US have been grounded. They have resumed. What happened?
Greg Dworkin and David Waldman reminisce about old friends and good times back in the day at Daily Kos.
House power sub Kevin McCarthy is busy “leading” House Republicans, but where are they going? First, they have to vanquish taxes, of course, but after that and the elimination of wokeness, CRT, and all of Donald’s enemies, there really isn’t that much remaining on their agenda other than taking each other out. At least now they have a nice expense account to put it on.
Let’s say you lend your neighbor a hammer, which you only remember when he comes around to return it. Or, let’s say you lend your neighbor a chain saw, which he refuses to return, so you send the cops, and they find your lawnmower too, and your neighbor says they’re all his now.
Trump’s tax returns mostly outline what he’s still hiding. In about a half a year from now Georgia indictments will be flying, maybe. The feds say they’d be in it for the long haul in their January 6 investigations, if it wasn’t for those time limits.
The Bolsonarist rabble were roused by Twitter, Facebook and Instagram as expected.
Tricky George Santos, probably not the first guy with Covid, probably linked to half a dozen crimes, probably won’t be here for us to kick around pretty soon.
Lynnette 'Diamond' Hardaway never supported COVID-19 vaccination, and nothing is going to change her mind on that.
The first major special election of 2023 was a big blue win. And Katie Porter announces her bid for US Senate, giving Dianne Feinstein a little nudge towards retirement.
It's a happy two for Tuesday again on KITM as David Waldman welcomes back Joan McCarter!
A moment of silence for Diamond and Silk’s “Diamond”, now being held to a higher standard.
Both-sides journalism was thrown a lifeline yesterday with classified documents showing up at an office President Joe Biden previously used.
Rudy Colludey Giuliani has been subpoenaed by special counsel Jack Smith’s investigation into Donald Trump’s Save America PAC fraud.
C-Span aims to be non-partisanly boring, but when occasionally engaging material emerges, who owns it?
Republicans extended their parody of American governance with an anti-rules rules package containing secret rules for House Power Sub Kevin McCarthy. Wealthy tax cheats get the first treats, perhaps funded by the Defense Department, or maybe a debt default, no promises.
Brazilian insurrectionists have assembled their Trumpian coup kit with guidance from our MAGA minds. People aren’t deluded by right-wing lies; right-wing liars are motivated by their success in lying.
David Waldman and Greg Dworkin steer Monday’s raft of stories into the storm.
The coming chaos is inevitable as it is predictable. All Kevin McCarthy wanted was the title, and that’s all that the Freedom Caucus is giving him. In return, the Freedom Caucus gets all of the freedom, which leaves all of the responsibility up for grabs. Rules are the last thing they want to talk about, but unfortunately for them is the next thing they have to do. No one in the driver’s seat actually means everyone gets a steering wheel.
On the other hand, those who understand rules, really love rules, have come to the right place. H. Res. ___ hasn’t even been numbered yet, David explains that, then pores over all the theretos and thereons therein the damn thing, or at least enough to give you an idea of how Lauren Boebert feels right now.
Oh well, we’re stuck with them, just like the UK is stuck with Tories. Brazil still has a chance after fending off Bolsonaro insurrectionists supplied with a coup in a kit made in America.
The former guy says the present guy made Russia bomb Ukraine. Realistically, it will be up to the West to clean it up.
David Waldman and Greg Dworkin are the leaders, and speakers we need on Day 3 of Kevin Can Wait.
The title of House speaker is Kevin McCarthy’s to lose, and he’s just the guy to do it too. Kevin spent last night making the speaker job even more worthless in the hope that just enough people will eventually find the job as worthless as him. Almost no one wakes up, looks in their own mirror and plots the ways they are going to achieve mediocrity or worse, to make your life, as their leader, miserable, except Kevin McCarthy, who has spent his entire career solely striving for better titles on his business cards. (Yep, kind of like Elise Stefanik.)
It’s not all Kevin’s fault though. Believe it or not, some in the Freedom Caucus may not be taking their responsibility so seriously. The people who put them in office sure didn’t. So now the GQP wants a solution today, no matter what cost, to make their embarrassment stop. No members, no power, nor the prospect of President Patty Murray is as important. All it would take is 3-4 Republicans yelling “Hakeeeeeeeem Jeffries!” and they all would straighten out right quick.
David Waldman and Greg Dworkin wish you all a happy new year! It’s not a prediction per se, but a nice objective.
2023 won’t be a good year to avoid gun deaths. New Year's Eve parties featured the usual accidental shooting deaths, and related casualties and injuries.
Not universally beloved Pope Benedict’s death might just reshape the Catholic Church, or maybe not.
Congress votes for a new speaker of the House tomorrow. Historical as always, but this time maybe a little more historical, and hopefully a little more hysterical than usual. Understudies await in the wings to rescue their party, or at least to get a chance to burn it all down. Hakeem Jeffries will receive Democratic votes, but the chances of a unity candidate are slim.
Everyone knew that Republicans did not deserve a red wave, but skewed polls implying a red wave still did plenty of damage.
Hardline Elise Stefanik supporter, Elise Stefanik has had a hate-love-loooooove relationship with Donald Trump which Donald rightfully distrusts. David teams up with the New York Times to find how Stefanik’s craven opportunism might not be enough to keep her on top.
You can get the who, what, and where anywhere, but on KITM David Waldman and Greg Dworkin focus on “the why” behind the news.
Jew-ish Republican-elect George Santos, who goes under the name of George Devolder and Anthony Zabrovsky, claims to be Holocaust, 9/11, Pulse Nightclub, and cancer-adjacent, and quasi-graduated from a series of prestigious schools, becoming eventually wealthy-destitute, as well as somewhat black-ish. Even Marjorie Taylor Greene can’t shovel the BS like George can. George Santos threatens the Republican party’s reputation as a moral standard as well as their planned speakership knifings. Now it turns out that George’s crime-like behaviors might be deemed crime-actual with investigations being initiated at federal and local levels.
Buffalo drops its driving “ban” in favor of an “advisory” allowing Buffalonians the freedom to freeze where they choose. Officials finger point to stay warm, while poor and POC take the brunt as always.
In Nevada, Michele Fiore (yeah, you remember her) has no judicial experience, and yet Republicans appointed her to a judgeship in Pahrump… Pahrump? Pahrump Justice Court.
As we approach the new year, David Waldman continues on his warm beverage adventure featuring the mulch-in-a-mug assortment I recently sent his way. Greg Dworkin drinks his tea the way God intended, British.
Glass Onion, the No. 1 movie on Netflix, has received mixed reviews, enjoyed by those who understand mysteries, comedies and movies, and disliked by the others who enjoy and understand nothing.
Jew-ish Republican-elect George Santos somehow managed to make even Fox News look “Fair and Balanced” and represents the future of the Republican party. George would be lying if he didn’t credit Donald Trump for his entire existence. The old master, however, has been off his game lately and is taking it pretty hard.
The January 6 Select Committee's Final Report continues to be condensed and distilled for better dissemination and understanding. David spends more time examining what the Jan. 6th Report says about the Fake Electors scheme, and Stefanie Lambert, a down on her luck pettifogger hitting the big time by taking down democracy.
There’s good news! The economy is still flying above the treetops, and wage inequality is dropping because of low unemployment, because of Joe Biden. Republicans don’t know what to make of it, or anything else for that matter. And in a Korean/USA holiday miracle,10 South Korean tourists stranded in a blizzard near Buffalo found refuge, and a pantry full of the ingredients for Korean cuisine!
MAJOR ANNOUNCEMENT! Today, David Waldman releases another special edition KITM episode! Each one has a unique date and will be treasured for generations. COLLECT THEM ALL!
Donald Trump’s “major announcement” yesterday was that he was selling digital trading cards with heroic caricatures of him for $99 each. (Why not $88? Trump missed a bet there.) Oh boy, what a stupid idea! Who would be so dumb! Ha ha ha ha ha! Oh. They’re all sold out. Asked, and answered.
Psst... Elon Musk’s jet landed in San Jose, California last night. That isn’t something that you’d read on Twitter. In fact, there isn’t much news on Twitter anymore, as there aren’t so many journalists there anymore. Except Nazis. Nazi reporters retain their free speech. If Europe has a problem with that, well, what are they going to do about it? Elon got on Twitter Spaces to explain his thinking, until he found out that people were actually listening, so now Twitter Spaces is banned. Soon the only people left will be those who understand Musk's point of view. Here’s who to follow on Mastodon.
The DC Bar recommends that Rudy Giuliani be disbarred, which is too bad for Rudy, as he could use a lawyer about now. A roster leaks that shows hundreds of Oath Keepers worked for the U.S. Department of Homeland Security. It’s hard to hire anyone to investigate the insurrection without stumbling over a member of the insurrectionist deep state.
Gen X’s Susan Collins, Kyrsten Sinema, did not catalyze the bipartisan camaraderie hoped for. Most of the scenarios for Kevin McCarthy’s Speakership vote unfortunately include Kevin McCarthy.
It looks as if the wingnuts had waited for the facts of the Paul Pelosi attack case, they would not have been able to post such hot takes.
Next election, Maricopa County needs bigger printers.
Hello Americans, this is KITM. Stand by for NEWS!
Loudoun County Public Schools are closed today due to too slippery for Virginians conditions. Public Information Officer Wayde Byard is usually on hand to relay this information to the public but is under indictment for reading the wrong announcement about the wrong people at the wrong time, thus becoming the head on Glenn Youngkin’s pike.
David Waldman and Greg Dworkin address the final lessons of the 2022 midterms. (There’ll probably be more.) Sure, Kyrsten Sinema is a conniving, opaque, untrustable self-centered show-boater, but she is Gen X, and Democrats need new blood. On the other hand, Hakeem Jeffries spent more time earning his position.
Elon Musk sold $3.58 billion in Tesla stock today as Donald Trump launched a line of $99 trading cards of himself. Musk had previously invested in an internet service devoted to Dick pics sharing, therefore the Trump images could help boost his inventory. As the new god in the QAnon pantheon, Elon Musk need only think of voting Republican for it to happen.
Covid vaccinations are a massive world-wide success, and antivaxxers continue to die from being antivax. So, let’s check in to see if they figured anything out yet… nope. Should we just let them die then? No, probably not. First, they came for stupid wackos, and I did not speak out, and all that. The whole point is not to be weaponized by bullies and fascists.
Speaking of, more texts have been released in regards to Mark Meadows’ phone, which is not to be confused with any of Mark Meadows’ voter fraud. Who’d think that the Republican party would be such a criminal enterprise? House Republicans plan to revive the Holman Rule in their rules package, which won’t help them, but will hurt government, and they’re for that.
Know where any good Washington, D.C., fishing holes are? A 21-year-old intelligence analyst was looking for one and stumbled upon people plotting to overthrow the government and execute members of Congress.
The Federal Reserve continues to lower us gently onto the back of the recession trying not to wake it up. It’s kind of scary, but the result so far has been more buying power for Americans and real income growth. Meanwhile, one in six people in Britain are worried about running out of food and paying for heat.
Heavens to Murgatroyd! David Waldman is smarter than the average podcast host, even! And that is why David focused today’s KITM on the bombshell series posted on Talking Points Memo, “The Meadows Texts” which reveal 34 members of Congress plotting to overturn the 2020 election. Thousands of seditious texts furiously typed out by dozens of illiterate elected representatives eager to toss out democracy.
Thousands of texts supporting insurrection and not one dick pic, as required by the first amendment, at least in MAGA editions of the Constitution, and Twitter’s new terms of service, as interpreted by its sole arbiter of morality and humor, Elon Musk.
As of press time, newly appointed special counsel Jack Smith has not yet made us cry. Jack’s out there holding investigations and taking down names, including sending a grand jury subpoena to Georgia Secretary of State Brad Raffensperger.
David Waldman and Greg Dworkin present KITM, now, at least today, 100% New York Times free.
WNBA star Brittney Griner has been freed from Russia in a 1-for-1 prisoner swap. Brittney is safe, on a plane, and on her way home. Biden isn’t Trump, therefore Brittney Griner isn’t Otto Warmbier.
People pore over the numbers while the GQP counts their regrets following Raphael Warnock’s Senate win. One reason for Warnock’s win might have been the perceived lower quality of his opponent… Also, thanks to our kids, whom we’ve begged for years to please begin their homework earlier than the deadline day, coming through at the last, last minute. Values-based politics are winning politics for Democrats.
Glenn Youngkin inches closer to pulling Virginia from their regional climate program.
The Trump Supreme Court is using the Founding Fathers as human shields in Moore v. Harper, but are having a tougher time justifying anti-LGBTQ “messages” in 303 Creative v. Elenis. Meanwhile, the Respect for Marriage Act was actually legislated by legislators.
A restaurant in Richmond, Virginia, decided to protect its staff from gangs of anti-abortion and anti-LGBTQ Christian hooligans.
A search team found a couple more top-secret documents in a Trump storage bin with his old swords. Donald Trump probably has a classified document stuck to the heel of his shoe at this very moment. Donald should check to see if Vlad has a guest room down at his new place in Argentina. Save some room for Paul Gosar.
The Reichsbürger, or “Lost Cause” movement in Germany is lead by would-be Kaiser, Heinrich XIII Prince of Reuss. Who is he? More importantly, which is he?
It’s your lucky day! It’s Tuesday! It’s also David Waldman and Joan McCarter day!
Also, the Georgia Senate runoff runs out today, and that might mean we won't have Herschel Walker to kick around anymore. Of course, Republicans do have a soft place in their heart for candidates with soft heads, so there’s always a Walker or Madison Cawthorn comeback possible. If Raphael Warnock is successful, 51 votes will be nice.
Members of the future 118th Congress are putting their wish lists together. A priority of Republicans will be to get as much Hunter Biden time on the books so that their base loves them again. Kevin McCarthy’s Joe Biden impeachment plans miss the point. Who wants to prove anything when insinuation gets enough attention? Meanwhile, McCarthy needs to kiss up to Democrats to avoid crashing the economy on the debt ceiling. In fact, Kevin is in a no-win situation attempting to lead a GQP who enjoy losing. The House would like to replace McCarthy but can't find anyone worse. Nancy Pelosi plans to give them all one more kick in the butt on her way out the door.
Nancy’s sidekick Steny Hoyer, a House Democrat for 41 years, decided to step aside and make way for new generation.
Marjorie Traitor Greene’s no idiot, but… No wait, she is an idiot. But Marge is an idiot with a big future in Republican politics. No… that’s probably not correct either. Anyhow, she hates Nick Fuentes, and Nick hates her, so that’s something. Greene is a super genius compared to Milo Yiannopoulos, who might have moved to Georgia to impress Marjorie into hiring him for no money, then ended up a little too wacky to be employed by Kanye West, so...Ye? Milo even out-trolled Donald Trump. Trump hated Kim Jong-un, then Trump loved Kim Jong-un. Kim must have found the key to Donald’s heart.
Chris Christie's niece was kicked off an airliner following racist insults, then assaulted six police officers, and asked if they knew who she was. Chris wishes that he didn’t.
The Trump Supreme Court cued up another pro-bigotry, anti-LGBTQ case and was so into it they spent hours longer than they had planned talking about it.
Following unsuccessful efforts to terminate the calendar, David Waldman admitted that today indeed is “Monday”, and took the rap for his household’s corn dog shortage. You can set your clock, and your calendar with Greg Dworkin’s raft o’ stories, though!
Donald Trump’s two step plan to MAGAGA: First, terminate the Constitution. Second… well, that wouldn’t really matter then, would it? Republicans would have to go somewhere, after all. In Moore v. Harper the Supreme Court will decide if democracy is constitutional.
Over the weekend, various hacks and loons once again attempted to swift boat Joe Biden with Hunter Biden’s penis. Again, they failed. They will continue to fail with no facts and only conspiracies, because it’s way too complicated and only their weirdos care enough to keep up.
Trump was “explicitly sanctioning tax fraud” according to Manhattan prosecutors. While president, Trump explicitly committed tax fraud.
40,000 people went without power in North Carolina in what police describe as a criminal act of vandalism, and the FBI might eventually describe as terrorism.
Tomorrow brings to a close the runoff election between Raphael Warnock and Herschel Walker. Incredibly, not only are there people voting for Herschel Walker, but enough are to keep him at a relatively close second place.
David Waldman and Greg Dworkin ring in the new month on today’s Holiday KITM.
In Georgia, Raphael Warnock is way ahead of Herschel Walker in early voters polled. Republicans holding off until they see some good Walker news might need to wait a while longer. In fact, the Lieutenant Governor of Georgia waited an hour to vote and just couldn’t bring himself to do it. Even Herschel has found it tough showing up, preferring to stay at home.
The Supreme Court paved the way for the Dem-led House Ways and Means Committee to finally get Trump’s tax records. People might be forgetting how awful the Supreme Court is, but should be reminded again soon.
The leaders of Finland and New Zealand meet, and the press imagines montages from “Sex in the City”. British citizen and Executive Director Ngozi Fulani was asked by the Queen’s former Lady in Waiting, repeatedly, “No, where are you really from?” Republicans wonder if Trump’s anti-Semite supper club scandal might be the best time to go Caesar on Donald. Kanye loves Hitler even more than Alex Jones does.
Kari Lake and Steve KG Bannon do really get each other.
The Right have felt like victims for so long, they haven’t really noticed being killed en masse by Covid. Remember, every Republican accusation is a confession. Convicted seditionist Stewart Rhodes’ son describes how he avoided being radicalized by his dad. A lot of US children will not escape the same fate, however.
President Joe Biden pulled the switch on that railroad strike in just the nick of time. Railroad workers haven’t gotten all that they want or need because their bosses see them as expenses rather than assets.
The price of gas is dropping and is lower than before Russia invaded Ukraine. The US layoff rate is still close to record low. That spike back there didn’t lead to a recession. Always follow the GDP over inflation.
David Waldman and Greg Dworkin resolutely lead us ever forward, as KITM tracks the unrelenting migration of social media, just as our ancient hunter forbearers pursued vast herds of mastodons across the great plains.
How about those midterms, huh? The media and pollsters are still trying to figure out what they did right, which wasn’t a ton. The Democratic party shouldn’t pat themselves on the back too hard either. Voters figured out on their own what they needed to do and did it, mostly young voters.
Everyone agrees, Donald Trump lost that election, like he always loses, and always will lose… Ok, some in the GQP haven’t got the memo yet. The Warnock-Walker race might clue in some of the slow ones.
Then there’s Kari Lake, and her lost cause diehards in Arizona. Maybe it was the printers, except for how it can’t possibly be the printers. Trump orders Navy gunships into Phoenix. Think these dopes didn’t get anywhere in the midterms? Think again.
Republicans will have it rough with a slim majority, although it’d be even nicer if they had a fat minority. Bill Kristol is always wrong, but if anyone is still listening, he’d prefer House SpeakerBarbara Comstock. Up in Alaska, they’re trying out a bipartisan Democratic majority, thanks to fish supporters.
Meanwhile, Donald Trump had dinner with an antisemite (Did Donald mention he was black?) who brought his plus one, a Holocaust denier. Who could have known?
For National Leftovers Day, we present this vintage post-T-Day episode, from November 27, 2020.
We had planned to bring you last year's post-Thanksgiving show, but that one was taken down by YouTube, because we read a story that quoted and debunked COVID loons, and, well, YouTube. (The episode was later restored on appeal of an appeal, but the odds were pretty good that they'd take it down all over again.)
So, instead, we have one from the year before!
David Waldman and Armando delivered a then-piping fresh KITM right to your ears. Don’t bother to get off the couch, just finish off that can of cranberry sauce and tub of Cool Whip, and tune in!
Diaper Don sat behind his widdle desk yesterday and had only widdle things to say. Hell yes, Donald Trump is “stepping down” for Joe Biden, of course, he’s not coming to the inauguration. We’ve had Trump’s number for some time now. He’ll continue to destroy the country of course, but that’s barely been a side interest for him. Real despotism is a lot of work. Pardoning people takes so little effort that he can work a couple in between holes.
The Right loves dead liberals. That’s because people actually respect dead liberals, plus you can have them say whatever you want. Almost as good, are fake ex-liberals, because you know they’re going where the grift is deepest and won’t get tripped up by any sticky ideology. Things will be fine, if you only remember to not give your money to them. A guy dropped $2.5 million on True the Vote Inc., which bought him “vague responses, platitudes, and empty promises” — exactly what he payed for. Hopefully, none of you paid for a Kraken, because the delivery date keeps getting pushed back, and release might not be so imminent.
Happy Thanksgiving!
It’s a good day to give thanks for Justice Putnam, who keeps the gears turning at Netroots Radio! He gives us the flexibility to throw together a last-minute show, and maybe even knock off early for the holiday.
Which we didn’t!
One you get rolling on a show like this, you need every minute you can get!
First up, Pro-Fish Mary Peltola is coming back to Washington. Which means Sarah Palin isn’t!
On the darker side, wingnut idiots are saying terrible things about the Club Q shooting. Trumpster Dummy Jenna Ellis is pretty sure all the victims are going to hell, for starters. Which might be where the Trumpster Dummy who fathered the shooter is headed, by the way.
Reality is no barrier for Trumpster Dummies in Arizona, where Kari Lake is ramping up veiled threats in her bid to deny her loss. Rank-and-file denialists are ranting incoherently at county board hearings, and advancing the same old debunked conspiracy theories over and over again, in an endless loop.
The courtroom news isn’t getting any better for TFG. In the NY AG’s case, in a move widely interpreted as a sign of confidence, the prosecution rests earlier than expected. Elsewhere, it seems Mike Pence is making ready to testify for the DOJ.
For T-Day reading: Twitter’s former head of “Trust & Safety” has some warnings about just how bad things could get at the bird site.
**David Waldman** leads us off today under an other another cloud of a mass shooting. This time, six were killed in a Chesapeake, Virginia, Walmart. Probably a disgruntled employee did the shooting, but we all know who’s pulling the trigger. Lauren Boebert and others pray over the bodies they target, then target the rescuers. As threats to LGBTQ communities intensify, they in turn react to the reactionaries.
Want to watch Twitter crash and burn, but from a safe distance? Alternatives are out there, but you might want to spend time getting used to them. Keep your old account, no need to burn your bridges… although loosening a strut bolt here or there is A-OK.
David delves into the latest on the FPOTUS Mar-a-Lago case and ends up as skeptical as the judges. Donald just wants his Celine Dion pictures back. Marjorie Traitor Greene squeals "Holman Rule. Look it up!", but apparently hasn’t got around to it herself. Matt Gaetz just hates conflicts of interest.
Meanwhile, the Supreme Court allows the release of Trump's tax returns, almost probably too late, but convincing Donald of the need for an 18-member court.
Fugitive Guo Wengui, who once let convict Steve KG Bannon hole up on his yacht, claims to be a billionaire and claims to be worth around 3 grand.
Herschel Walker reminds us that his erection is still coming up. Lindsey Graham immediately drops to the floor to help him out. Republicans who say there’s no voter suppression, because they see voters, suddenly feel suppressed in Arizona. Cochise County feels it so bad that they quit counting votes. Now, the new Democratic Governor-Elect Katie Hobbs is going around punching Republicans in the face!
David Waldman refers to himself in the third person at the beginning of today’s KITM show summary! No particular reason for it, though.
Twitter continues to implode, but not this way.
New Members-elect are in DC for orientation. Gen-Z (and Gen-Z leaning) Members finally learn the answer to question, “Why do I need to learn to write in cursive?”
We’ve managed to avoid discussing the FTX collapse because there may be no point in understanding it, anyway. But today we learn it may be worse than Enron, and also perhaps particularly smarmy.
Up in New Hampshire (down, if you’re in Maine, or Canada, or if you’re Santa Claus), the mother of all electoral ties is in need of a solution. We’ve all heard that these things can sometimes be settled by coin tosses or drawing straws. (Not in New Hampshire, though.) But did you know that in addition to being election denialists, Republicans are also straw-drawing denialists, when convenient?
This has implications for The Nightmare Scenario™ in Congress this January. How so? It’s time to start reviewing the process for selecting a Speaker of the House, in all its weedy glory.
Only then can one truly imagine the ways things can go wrong, and how far they can go!
David Waldman takes a break from his crazy day to chat with Greg Dworkin and us for a couple of hours.
Today, all eyes were on Nancy Pelosi, and what she would decide to do in the face of a Republican majority in Congress. Pelosi decided to step down as leader, but to stay in Congress. Republicans who hate functioning government, were happy to see a person who made it function so well leave. Marjorie Taylor Greene is now the face of Congressional governing standards.
During the lame duck session Democrats hope to check off an item on their 1835 agenda, the seating of a Cherokee nation delegate.
Today, no eyes were on Donald Trump, at least not enough to keep him from becoming a three-time loser and torpedoing the GQP’s chances of winning future elections. Trump makes Mike Pence look like a hot prospect. Hopefully the media has smartened up on how to cover him. Meanwhile, Donald ran into a bit of bad luck on his lawsuit against Letitia James, when his case landed before a judge who knows law and understands Donald Trump.
Michael Flynn, spy, must testify in Georgia’s election interference investigation. Ted Cruz, swine, met with gun control activists, probably because he hadn’t disgusted anyone that morning.
Republicans in many states are voting to restrict their ability to vote on things. Who knows why people do things like that to themselves.
David Waldman brings us the Tuesday after the Tuesday that brought us the Pink Piddle, and the good news hasn’t yet stopped.
Joan McCarter is in to describe Democrats’ plotting their lame-duck priorities, starting with taking sharp objects away from House GOP. Too bad, they had been sharpening many of them to stick into Kevin McCarthy. It’s really the Freedom Caucus that Kevin, and the rest of us, need to worry about.
To reassure MTG et al. on his leadership abilities, Kevin tried yelling at the help. That probably won’t get him to 218 votes however. The question is, who can get 230 out of the middle to follow them, even for a moment? David Nir spreads out his spreadsheet.
Whether it helps or hinders the GQP, the Senate should vote now to save DACA.
Ah, emoluments! New documents detailing foreign spending at the Trump Hotel emerge. Today, the Trumps signed a $1.6 billion dollar deal with the Saudis. Donald Trump’s Jan. 6 lawsuit lands before one of his judges. Who’da thunk? Donald tells the Mar-a-Lago special master his legal philosophy “if he takes a thing, then it is his”.
For years now Republicans have told us about dead people voting in elections, but it turned out to not work as well as they thought.
David Waldman is binging miniseries until he can figure out what's wrong with everything. One thing’s for certain, “easy money” is the only way to make a lot of money. Elon Musk is trying out the concept of “working to make money”, and at about $8 an hour, he doesn't like it.
Greg Dworkin binges polling data and has been watching the votes and the wins pile up.
But first, we again start the week beneath the cloud of another mass shooting, at the University of Virginia. The suspect was sought and found. Another mass murder was committed at the University of Idaho, although who or what did that killing seems to be undetermined.
In Donald Trump news that isn’t news to you, Trump wanted the IRS to investigate people on his whim. He wanted the US to kill people on his whim. And, he violated the Constitutional emoluments clause. Mike Pence suspects that Donald might never have really been his friend after all.
The midterms however showed that voters aren’t that big on crazy power-hungry idiots. This hurts Donald’s feelings, as well those of crazy power-hungry idiots around the world. Still, enoughlocal ones might get in to flip the House. Democrats will need the lame duck session to crazyproof the country. Republicans, however, have nothing to do but crazyup the place. Rick Scott heard that Republicans like losers and hopes to help out. Never debate crazy power-hungry idiots.
COVID might have wiped out the red wave.
While Democrats may have bucked the national trend, Republicans still hold a large sway in GOP-led states. Tell me about it.
David Waldman brings all the Friday vibes to a very Friday Friday.
Republicans don’t seem to love Donald Trump like they used to, which is okay by Donald as he has always despised each of them. No respect, even after all of the felonies he committed for them too! You’d never expect Trump to use racial slurs on Glen Youngkin, but Donald Trump always exceeds expectations.
Donald is having a bad week, but Elon’s is worse.
Sam Bankman-Fried made a billion on crypto, lost a billion, and in-between donated a few million to political campaigns. Washington wonders where the money went. Who knows? It’s crypto!
Like cryptocurrency, conventional wisdom evaporated in the midterms. It could be that voters just didn’t like what Republicans stand for, nor their scary candidates. Even Kevin McCarthy wishes they were a better bunch. Defeated Republicans try to blend back into society, with varying success.
Democrats did prevent a Republican supermajority in the Wisconsin State Legislature, which could have opened the floodgates for the looneys. Reconciliation Is available to end debt limit hostage-taking.
Ever want to be David Waldman? Who hasn’t? But — Now you can! Thanks to Elon Musk’s pay-to-play Twitter verification plan, in less than 25 minutes and 8 bucks you can easily break into the glamorous world of the KagroX media empire... or even impersonate “Dr. X”! (No relation.)
Post-election misinformation is flooding social media, plenty from Republicans of course, but a lot also from the mainstream media. The New York Post offered at least two crime victims front-page coverage if they’d say they were Dems voting for Republican Lee Zeldin. If “Democrat” control is such an immediate and existential threat to American values, would Herschel Walker really be your party’s avatar of change? No amount of misinformation will put evil Mr. Rogers, Glenn Youngkin in the White House.
Back in the real world, Dropbox votes give Democrats a chance of holding the Senate, and the House. Democrats won control of Michigan Legislature for the first time in almost 40 years, which is a way bigger deal than anything in Florida. Media narratives are dropping… not exactly dropping “left and right” as that would imply media was ever interested in actual “left” narratives. Want a podcast to add to the KITM lineup that won’t piss you off or put you to sleep? There are a couple of them out there.
David Waldman and Greg Dworkin told you so. Today, they will tell you even more.
Did you read the news? Joe Biden and the Dems did very well last night, or as the mainstream media calls it, “not a repudiation”. It will take them a while to figure out how Democrats did so well with so many incorrect messages. It might be that people are complicated and will vote for a complicated party over a very simple one. Fox News does have the simple answer, though.
No one can explain how Raphael Warnock vs. Herschel Walker are headed to a runoff election.
Election deniers were denied election! Kentucky votes for abortion rights! Tennessee votes against slavery! Michigan goes true blue. Lauren Boebert might even need to go back to her old job. Except for TV’s Dr. Oz, Republicans who tried to not seem too Trumpy did well. Brad Raffensperger wins again.
Thanks kids! Thanks women! Old white men, well…
In perhaps related news, Donald Trump is livid and screaming this morning, but that could be anything really. It’s certainly not the election results, which are Melania’s fault. MAGA does seem to be in disarray. Hail Ron DeSantis, our new Trump, who won big even in some historically blue areas. (In perhaps unrelated news, federal monitors were blocked from polling places in those very areas.)
Democrats might hold the House. A House majority may come down to the strength of state supreme courts, and the federal one. Maps in four states were ruled illegal gerrymanders. They were used anyway. And just because election deniers lost doesn’t mean the GQP is giving up on election denying, either.
Joe Rogan admits he lied about schools using litter boxes, so everyone can finally relax about that.
I voted! How about you? How about all of your friends, relatives, neighbors? David Waldman and Joan McCarter tell us to GOTV like democracy is on the line... because it is. Kari Lake wonders just how American Native Americans really are. Marjorie Traitor Greene just can’t wait to match wits with people who can’t talk back. Don’t expect help, ever, from Joe Manchin.
The GQP is playing the refs all the way to an election denying free-for-all. Michigan wingnuts head out to head off the vote. Pennsylvania wants to discard mailed in ballots. In Texas, doorknockers go door to door to stop the vote. Election workers are getting death threats nationwide. We have to protect the votes that do make it in. An Ohio man fatally shot his neighbor because he thought he was a Democrat.
A South Dakota Senate candidate is accused of repeatedly molesting a family member over five years. Republicans do that, a lot, when they aren’t being distracted by their other criminal activities.
Ron DeSantis was the teacher that you remember as the smug right-wing jock who partied with students. But of course, Ron did teach at an exclusive private school to students named “Gates” and “Trip”, therefore he also name-dropped “Yale” while hazing the nerds.
Homeland Security admits that it tried to manufacture fake terrorists for Trump.
Elon Musk has discussed putting all of Twitter behind a paywall, where it will never be seen again. Twitter will be such a failure that Donald Trump might want to put his name on it, but for now he’ll stick with Truth Social.
Don’t put your lips on the breathalyzer. You never know where it’s been.
David Waldman presents the KITM day before the day when we used to elect people special. Except for Eastern Orthodox election day, Thursday.
The midterm elections are tomorrow. So, who’s going to win? Greg Dworkin tells us there’s no need to predict, just vote.But, what is being predicted? The important thing right now is to vote. But, is it looking good for Democrats, (and democracy)? Get out the vote. But, what is being forecast? It is impossible to know but getting out the vote is imperative. But, what’s going to happen? Remember, in 2016 Nate Silver gave Hillary Clinton 70%, but that left 30%… therefore, it’s 100% certain Nate Silver has a great job, as does anyone else profiting off uncertainty.
Black voters are afraid and confused in Florida as Ron DeSantis does everything but firehose election sites. AZ Republicans war on voters might have even succeeded too well. Russians brag about interfering in U.S. elections.
Whatever the outcome of the midterms, we’re all screwed after Tuesday. Wisconsin Republicans stand on the verge of total, veto-proof power.
Elon "Apartheid Clyde” Musk is on a mission to eliminate any Elon Musks who are bigger trolls than he is. Of course, you realize, this means war.
GOTV. Listen to KITM, then GOTV. Knock on doors from now through election day and tell them David Waldman sent you.
OK, you’re out there GOTV-ing. Democrats are out there trying to hold the line. It’s not over yet. Now how much would Republicans really need to win to ruin everything? Not much. David explains how duly-elected Democrats may have their seats contested, and how Republicans can evade pesky precedent, or abuse the rules and procedures to cause trouble.
While that’s happening, expect trouble for anyone straying from established Christian values, such as synagogues, and donut shops.
Special guest Joan McCarter makes a surprise Friday visit to GOTV, and to go over Republican post-election plans, all of them stupid, none of them good. Rand Paul’s pursed-lip smirk might soon be weaponized as chairman of the Senate Health, Education, Labor and Pensions Committee. Republicans will use the debt-ceiling again, not just to bend Democratic will into destroying any recent gains, and sacking the economy for 2024, but to raze Social Security and Medicare.
So, GOTV. Or you could donate.
GOTV. Listen to KITM, then GOTV. Knock on doors from now through election day and tell them David Waldman sent you.
OK, you’re out there GOTV-ing. Democrats are out there trying to hold the line. It’s not over yet. Now how much would Republicans really need to win to ruin everything? Not much. David explains how duly-elected Democrats may have their seats contested, and how Republicans can evade pesky precedent, or abuse the rules and procedures to cause trouble.
While that’s happening, expect trouble for anyone straying from established Christian values, such as synagogues, and donut shops.
Special guest Joan McCarter makes a surprise Friday visit to GOTV, and to go over Republican post-election plans, all of them stupid, none of them good. Rand Paul’s pursed-lip smirk might soon be weaponized as chairman of the Senate Health, Education, Labor and Pensions Committee. Republicans will use the debt-ceiling again, not just to bend Democratic will into destroying any recent gains, and sacking the economy for 2024, but to raze Social Security and Medicare.
So, GOTV. Or you could donate.
David Waldman delivers another KITM Holiday Special. What makes the day special? It has a KITM in it! (And it’s National Sandwich Day)
Even Fox anchors don’t want to come off as beta cucks to Elon Musk. Actor Robert Kazinsky explains why verification is a public service, not a business model. The tougher it is to remain on Twitter, the more reason that good people need to remain there.
Some are scared by polling numbers going into the midterms. Keep working, because what is really frightening is what will happen if the crazies win. Greg Dworkin finds a few numbers more solacing. Dems now have a bigger lead in early/mail voting. That’s because early voting is up, and Democrats usually do that. Some Republicans believe the later they vote, the better.
Some oxymorons are running for election by promising to destroy democracy. Josh Barro explains that Republicans wouldn’t have done it if Democrats weren’t so annoyingly pro-democratic. Anyone who supports Donald Trump does not support the constitution.
After repeatedly using 5th Amendment to evade testimony, Trump supporter Kash Patel has been provided with limited immunity in order to put him back on the stand. Some figured out that Donald Trump was a traitor during his administration, some knew that when he came in the door. Trump coup attorney John Eastman provided the Jan. 6 Committee with emails he refused to share but told them not to look… anyhow, the emails reveal the Eastman crew was hoping to recruit Clarence Thomas into their overthrow, but they couldn’t find a Kinkos open on New Year's Eve.
Trump signed off on Trump Organization fraud, not figuratively, but probably with a Sharpie.
David Waldman delivers another KITM Holiday Special. What makes the day special? It has a KITM in it! (And it’s National Sandwich Day)
Even Fox anchors don’t want to come off as beta cucks to Elon Musk. Actor Robert Kazinsky explains why verification is a public service, not a business model. The tougher it is to remain on Twitter, the more reason that good people need to remain there.
Some are scared by polling numbers going into the midterms. Keep working, because what is really frightening is what will happen if the crazies win. Greg Dworkin finds a few numbers more solacing. Dems now have a bigger lead in early/mail voting. That’s because early voting is up, and Democrats usually do that. Some Republicans believe the later they vote, the better.
Some oxymorons are running for election by promising to destroy democracy. Josh Barro explains that Republicans wouldn’t have done it if Democrats weren’t so annoyingly pro-democratic. Anyone who supports Donald Trump does not support the constitution.
After repeatedly using 5th Amendment to evade testimony, Trump supporter Kash Patel has been provided with limited immunity in order to put him back on the stand. Some figured out that Donald Trump was a traitor during his administration, some knew that when he came in the door. Trump coup attorney John Eastman provided the Jan. 6 Committee with emails he refused to share but told them not to look… anyhow, the emails reveal the Eastman crew was hoping to recruit Clarence Thomas into their overthrow, but they couldn’t find a Kinkos open on New Year's Eve.
Trump signed off on Trump Organization fraud, not figuratively, but probably with a Sharpie.
Ghouls then Saints now Souls! Today’s holiday is a solemn occasion, though. David Waldman and Greg Dworkin discuss how and why November 9 could turn out that way also.
Fear and rage sell the news and move votes, and the GQP isn’t about to leave any behind. And if some die, they die for a good cause, bringing lulz to the survivors. They’ll also laugh at your reaction to them. Win!
Playing with handguns and children rarely ends with laughs.
Capitol Police cameras caught the break-in at the Pelosi home. Too bad no one was watching. At the moment, armed vigilantes patrolling ballot boxes is still frowned upon, but you know, times are changing. Right now, election conspiracy groups can be found in contempt of court, Lindsey Graham still has to give testimony to a Georgia grand jury, andBoogaloo Bois with grenade launchers are still viewed as “bad guys”. Soon they all could be punch lines to Twitter memes.
In Israel if they aren’t right-wing enough, they hold another election. Like Russian roulette, 5 elections in 4 years puts Bibi Netanyahu back into the chamber.
Ohio courts are rebooting The Pelican Brief, but without Denzel and Julia, and the pelicans are replaced with pedophiles.
Ghouls then Saints now Souls! Today’s holiday is a solemn occasion, though. David Waldman and Greg Dworkin discuss how and why November 9 could turn out that way also.
Fear and rage sell the news and move votes, and the GQP isn’t about to leave any behind. And if some die, they die for a good cause, bringing lulz to the survivors. They’ll also laugh at your reaction to them. Win!
Playing with handguns and children rarely ends with laughs.
Capitol Police cameras caught the break-in at the Pelosi home. Too bad no one was watching. At the moment, armed vigilantes patrolling ballot boxes is still frowned upon, but you know, times are changing. Right now, election conspiracy groups can be found in contempt of court, Lindsey Graham still has to give testimony to a Georgia grand jury, andBoogaloo Bois with grenade launchers are still viewed as “bad guys”. Soon they all could be punch lines to Twitter memes.
In Israel if they aren’t right-wing enough, they hold another election. Like Russian roulette, 5 elections in 4 years puts Bibi Netanyahu back into the chamber.
Ohio courts are rebooting The Pelican Brief, but without Denzel and Julia, and the pelicans are replaced with pedophiles.
David Waldman hopes you had a nice Celtic festival of Samhain... a holiday so scary they needed to round up all of the saints to chase it away.
Some people are sick puppies. Some are idiots. The GQP calls them “the base”. 2000 Mules was written with them in mind. A Georgia man sues for being defamed.
Surry County, North Carolina Director of Elections Michella Huff has been harassed by attention seekers, election loons and potential felons ever since Donald Trump only got 70% of the vote there in 2020. Huff got the press to shine a light on the situation, finally receiving enough awareness to allow her to do her job.
Sunlight makes election denialists hide, but they aren’t gone. They’re multiplying and will be rushing out from under the fridge very soon. The Electoral Count Act does not help with certificates of election for Congress, but relies on the obeying of norms and morality of the participants, so...
David Waldman hopes you had a nice Celtic festival of Samhain... a holiday so scary they needed to round up all of the saints to chase it away.
Some people are sick puppies. Some are idiots. The GQP calls them “the base”. 2000 Mules was written with them in mind. A Georgia man sues for being defamed.
Surry County, North Carolina Director of Elections Michella Huff has been harassed by attention seekers, election loons and potential felons ever since Donald Trump only got 70% of the vote there in 2020. Huff got the press to shine a light on the situation, finally receiving enough awareness to allow her to do her job.
Sunlight makes election denialists hide, but they aren’t gone. They’re multiplying and will be rushing out from under the fridge very soon. The Electoral Count Act does not help with certificates of election for Congress, but relies on the obeying of norms and morality of the participants, so...
David Waldman and KITM, never a blue checkmark and always passing that savings along to you. You know Elon Musk would never throw capitol willy-nilly at employees like KITM does with me. This weekend Elon’s Twitter employees worked overtime to fire other employees, so that half of them can fire the other half next weekend and so on, until things eventually get back to normal.
Happy Halloween! Finally, a holiday without sober reflection or celebration of higher ideals! Of course, the scariest costume should go to whoever dressed as rainbow fentanyl this year.
Real terror struck South Korea in a deadly crowd surge, and in a suspension bridge collapse in India.
Greg Dworkin delivers his horrifying raft o’ stories. Paul Pelosi attacked by a hammer wielding maniac bent on assassinating his wife is the stuff of which nightmares are made, although Republicans are terrified for different reasons than most. The GQP has been frightening followers with Nancy Pelosi for years, and this assailant is only one of their mob. Now they are frantically throwing every conspiracy, lie, and slur they can think of to escape.
Vanity Fair and ProPublica team up to scare us with Covid BS.
You know what’s really scary? How close the midterm elections have become. It wasn’t supposed to be close. The media looks for safety in old narratives.
Nevada’s secretary of state orders Nye County to halt hand counting of ballots although they might have made it to about a hundred by now. A small-town lawyer faced down election deniers in Georgia, as did a top North Carolina county official, with varying degrees of success. Ron DeSantis will make sure his election suppression sticks the next time.
Luiz Inacio Lula da Silva is back to work as President of Brazil, ousting Trump of the Tropics Jair Bolsonaro. Bolsonaro promised he'd stage a coup if he lost and hasn’t gone back on that promise yet. Northern Ireland continues holding elections that solve nothing. The bravest people on earth are in Ukraine... both Ukrainians and Russians.
David Waldman and KITM, never a blue checkmark and always passing that savings along to you. You know Elon Musk would never throw capitol willy-nilly at employees like KITM does with me. This weekend Elon’s Twitter employees worked overtime to fire other employees, so that half of them can fire the other half next weekend and so on, until things eventually get back to normal.
Happy Halloween! Finally, a holiday without sober reflection or celebration of higher ideals! Of course, the scariest costume should go to whoever dressed as rainbow fentanyl this year.
Real terror struck South Korea in a deadly crowd surge, and in a suspension bridge collapse in India.
Greg Dworkin delivers his horrifying raft o’ stories. Paul Pelosi attacked by a hammer wielding maniac bent on assassinating his wife is the stuff of which nightmares are made, although Republicans are terrified for different reasons than most. The GQP has been frightening followers with Nancy Pelosi for years, and this assailant is only one of their mob. Now they are frantically throwing every conspiracy, lie, and slur they can think of to escape.
Vanity Fair and ProPublica team up to scare us with Covid BS.
You know what’s really scary? How close the midterm elections have become. It wasn’t supposed to be close. The media looks for safety in old narratives.
Nevada’s secretary of state orders Nye County to halt hand counting of ballots although they might have made it to about a hundred by now. A small-town lawyer faced down election deniers in Georgia, as did a top North Carolina county official, with varying degrees of success. Ron DeSantis will make sure his election suppression sticks the next time.
Luiz Inacio Lula da Silva is back to work as President of Brazil, ousting Trump of the Tropics Jair Bolsonaro. Bolsonaro promised he'd stage a coup if he lost and hasn’t gone back on that promise yet. Northern Ireland continues holding elections that solve nothing. The bravest people on earth are in Ukraine... both Ukrainians and Russians.
David Waldman delivers us to what definitely feels like a Friday.
That musky stench has begun to permeate Twitter.
Nancy Pelosi’s husband Paul was violently assaulted in his home this morning. The assailant, armed with a hammer, was looking for Nancy and is now in custody. Here’s wishing Paul a speedy recovery.
KITM goes in-depth on the political history of Canadian transcendental yogic pilot Dr. Doug Henning.
Laugh while you can, but the Republican war on voting is gaining strength nationwide. Nevada has begun an unprecedented hand count of ballots and has discovered humans might not be the best choice for that job. Anti-media newscaster, election denying candidate, gimmetarian poster child Kari Lake was born for this moment. Nevada MAGA candidate Jim Marchant finds out that lying and obfuscation are a lot of work.
The White death wish crowd finds another setback as the Jan. 6 insurrectionist who dragged officer Michael Fanone to the mob gets sentenced to 7.5 years.
David Waldman delivers us to what definitely feels like a Friday.
That musky stench has begun to permeate Twitter.
Nancy Pelosi’s husband Paul was violently assaulted in his home this morning. The assailant, armed with a hammer, was looking for Nancy and is now in custody. Here’s wishing Paul a speedy recovery.
KITM goes in-depth on the political history of Canadian transcendental yogic pilot Dr. Doug Henning.
Laugh while you can, but the Republican war on voting is gaining strength nationwide. Nevada has begun an unprecedented hand count of ballots and has discovered humans might not be the best choice for that job. Anti-media newscaster, election denying candidate, gimmetarian poster child Kari Lake was born for this moment. Nevada MAGA candidate Jim Marchant finds out that lying and obfuscation are a lot of work.
The White death wish crowd finds another setback as the Jan. 6 insurrectionist who dragged officer Michael Fanone to the mob gets sentenced to 7.5 years.
Anybody can read the news to you. You may even read the news to yourself. But where can you go to hear the news, every fifth word in Spanish, spoken with a heavy Austrian accent? Not many places. This is just one of several services David Waldman and Greg Dworkin can and do provide on today’s KITM.
Arnold Schwarzenegger is back, this time brandishing common sense and an amicus brief in the upcoming Trump Supreme Court case of Moore v. Harper. To those who attempt to mock him, Arnold says, “Give me your pants”.
Otero County, New Mexico plans to do illegal things, but might have to wait until a new Secretary of State makes them legal.
Republicans felt pain watching PA’s John Fetterman debate TV’s Mehmet Oz. No, not because of empathy, they just thought it was gross. People with disabilities found it exciting and validating. John Fetterman hopes more people get the good vibes.
If you think Republicans are deluded now, you don’t want to see the depths Mccarthyism 2.0 can go to. If you still want an idea, however, check out “Weapons of Mass Delusion” by Robert Draper.
The US economy returned to growth last quarter. Gas prices are coming down, again. But what do the polls say? Polls are only the rearview mirror. They are crap for driving the car. More Dems are voting. Georgia's early voting turnout so far is Blacker, and older. Fewer absentee votes in North Carolina, but fewer quarantines too, probably.
Elana (“Enthusiasm” in Spanish) Kagan temporarily blocked the Jan. 6 committee from accessing phone records belonging to the Arizona Republican Party’s chairwoman.
Anybody can read the news to you. You may even read the news to yourself. But where can you go to hear the news, every fifth word in Spanish, spoken with a heavy Austrian accent? Not many places. This is just one of several services David Waldman and Greg Dworkin can and do provide on today’s KITM.
Arnold Schwarzenegger is back, this time brandishing common sense and an amicus brief in the upcoming Trump Supreme Court case of Moore v. Harper. To those who attempt to mock him, Arnold says, “Give me your pants”.
Otero County, New Mexico plans to do illegal things, but might have to wait until a new Secretary of State makes them legal.
Republicans felt pain watching PA’s John Fetterman debate TV’s Mehmet Oz. No, not because of empathy, they just thought it was gross. People with disabilities found it exciting and validating. John Fetterman hopes more people get the good vibes.
If you think Republicans are deluded now, you don’t want to see the depths Mccarthyism 2.0 can go to. If you still want an idea, however, check out “Weapons of Mass Delusion” by Robert Draper.
The US economy returned to growth last quarter. Gas prices are coming down, again. But what do the polls say? Polls are only the rearview mirror. They are crap for driving the car. More Dems are voting. Georgia's early voting turnout so far is Blacker, and older. Fewer absentee votes in North Carolina, but fewer quarantines too, probably.
Elana (“Enthusiasm” in Spanish) Kagan temporarily blocked the Jan. 6 committee from accessing phone records belonging to the Arizona Republican Party’s chairwoman.
David Waldman rushes into Wednesday to give Greg Dworkin an opportunity to tackle the latest news while the contents of his Raft o’ Stories is crispy fresh. Greg is ready for Rishi! Rishi Sunak that is, maybe we should find out more about Sunak, if he plans on hanging around.
Pennsylvania Lt. Gov. John Fetterman and TV’s Mehmet Oz held their debate last night. On women’s reproductive health, Mehmet would like to see a local alderman or two get their faces between the stirrups and help with some decisions. A couple of Fetterman’s answers might have come off a little like Hershel Walker on a good day, although John wasn’t lying when he said them. If who won the debate won elections, it would be important who won that debate.
What’s really important is who’s ahead in the polling... That was hard to even type with a straight face. Pollsters point to several important charts. Political ads have put food on the table for several of my friends, so of course they should keep that up. Democrats spent a lot of money on abortion ads, but not all of it. Republicans discovered racism works well in their ads,,, perhaps not recently, although the New York Times has just noticed.
Racism is the way to a fascist’s heart. Fascists don’t like being called Nazis, because they feel they’re so much more than that. Many of them think they’re comedians. Many Nazis deserve to be punched, although some do get punched at a moment they don’t deserve to be.
A Miami judge determined that Ron DeSantis was picking on voters outside of his bailiwick.
FPOTUS kept ultra-sensitive top-secrets at Mar-a-Lago just in case anyone called him a liar.
David Waldman rushes into Wednesday to give Greg Dworkin an opportunity to tackle the latest news while the contents of his Raft o’ Stories is crispy fresh. Greg is ready for Rishi! Rishi Sunak that is, maybe we should find out more about Sunak, if he plans on hanging around.
Pennsylvania Lt. Gov. John Fetterman and TV’s Mehmet Oz held their debate last night. On women’s reproductive health, Mehmet would like to see a local alderman or two get their faces between the stirrups and help with some decisions. A couple of Fetterman’s answers might have come off a little like Hershel Walker on a good day, although John wasn’t lying when he said them. If who won the debate won elections, it would be important who won that debate.
What’s really important is who’s ahead in the polling... That was hard to even type with a straight face. Pollsters point to several important charts. Political ads have put food on the table for several of my friends, so of course they should keep that up. Democrats spent a lot of money on abortion ads, but not all of it. Republicans discovered racism works well in their ads,,, perhaps not recently, although the New York Times has just noticed.
Racism is the way to a fascist’s heart. Fascists don’t like being called Nazis, because they feel they’re so much more than that. Many of them think they’re comedians. Many Nazis deserve to be punched, although some do get punched at a moment they don’t deserve to be.
A Miami judge determined that Ron DeSantis was picking on voters outside of his bailiwick.
FPOTUS kept ultra-sensitive top-secrets at Mar-a-Lago just in case anyone called him a liar.
David Waldman is back! David returns from a whirlwind 4-day tour of Philadelphia, where everyone was in good cheer and some even more so. Also, it’s another week, so another mass school shooting starts us off.
David got out of Philly in the nick of time. Team Trump is moving in to steal the ‘22 midterms and plot the theft of ‘24. Election deniers are on track to win 189 midterm races and will even deny their own elections if they need to. Of the 12 Republican-held districts that swung to minority White recently, 10 were represented by objectors. As more Whites go, more election deniers move in. Angry White election denying whack-a-doodles are now taking over the GQP, but they are really eyeing the whole US. They haven’t quite figured out the details, but are certain they bought those guns for some reason. Whatever that reason is, it’s probably “Democrats”.
Michael Caputo was once a smashmouth politician and hopes you’d be nice enough to please allow him another swing. On the other hand, one of Marco Rubio’s white nationalist operatives learned about smashmouth politics firsthand, and probably a couple of feet as well.
Bob Woodward has 20 interviews filled with insane Trump babbling that you can now listen to in your car. It’s probably not the craziest things people have heard, though.
Steve KG Bannon finally goes to jail, but not for long enough, and he still hasn’t gone. Merrick Garland hasn’t locked Donald up either, but he has charged 13 Chinese spies. A judge has dismissed the first of 19 fraud cases Ron DeSantis was using to scare people out of voting.
Joan McCarter asserts that we need to get out the vote and explains in harrowing detail exactly why we need to take this seriously and make up for our shadowy billionaire deficit.
David Waldman is back! David returns from a whirlwind 4-day tour of Philadelphia, where everyone was in good cheer and some even more so. Also, it’s another week, so another mass school shooting starts us off.
David got out of Philly in the nick of time. Team Trump is moving in to steal the ‘22 midterms and plot the theft of ‘24. Election deniers are on track to win 189 midterm races and will even deny their own elections if they need to. Of the 12 Republican-held districts that swung to minority White recently, 10 were represented by objectors. As more Whites go, more election deniers move in. Angry White election denying whack-a-doodles are now taking over the GQP, but they are really eyeing the whole US. They haven’t quite figured out the details, but are certain they bought those guns for some reason. Whatever that reason is, it’s probably “Democrats”.
Michael Caputo was once a smashmouth politician and hopes you’d be nice enough to please allow him another swing. On the other hand, one of Marco Rubio’s white nationalist operatives learned about smashmouth politics firsthand, and probably a couple of feet as well.
Bob Woodward has 20 interviews filled with insane Trump babbling that you can now listen to in your car. It’s probably not the craziest things people have heard, though.
Steve KG Bannon finally goes to jail, but not for long enough, and he still hasn’t gone. Merrick Garland hasn’t locked Donald up either, but he has charged 13 Chinese spies. A judge has dismissed the first of 19 fraud cases Ron DeSantis was using to scare people out of voting.
Joan McCarter asserts that we need to get out the vote and explains in harrowing detail exactly why we need to take this seriously and make up for our shadowy billionaire deficit.
David Waldman is KITM’s Schrödinger's Host today, alive, yet not “live”. KITM correspondent Steve Sittig returns with an equally pre-recorded segment to fill things out. KITM is back to “normal” tomorrow!
Orange County school district has banned the teaching of “critical race theory”, which they found easier to ban if they left it undefined, and by cutting their Cal State Fullerton student teacher staff by 90%. Missouri Attorney General Eric Schmitt’s office wants all of the email records of a professor who criticized the Republican nominee for U.S. Senate.
Bring your lights down low, lay your most sultry sax solos down on your turntable... and consider fast-forwarding through David’s reading of the blow-by-blow recount of the tryst between pool boy Giancarlo Granda, Jerry Falwell Jr., and his wife. Almost as gross and much riskier, a woman infiltrated the Proud Boys, by consistently mastering the challenging task of acting dumber than them.
Trusting the Supreme Court to decide the future of the United States is kind of dumb, and pretty lazy. It’s time to expand the court, again.
Why is Alex Jones not shutting up, even with a billion-dollar judgement against him? Because the incentive has not yet reached him.
Making money off suckers is a right-wing superpower. A Confederate superhero movie was able to make $1 million in investor money completely invisible.
Scott always says that the shows with the fewest links are the hardest to write summaries for.
But that’s just because he cares about quality! Ha ha!
I’ve always wondered how it would go if we just skipped the narrative and just told you straight up what the links were, and then knocked off for the day.
Hmm...
I imagine it would go a little something like this:
First, we revisited and finished the WaPo’s story on how the racial disparity in COVID deaths eventually flipped.
Then, we read the NYT Magazine’s profile of Murdery Traitor Greene.
And then, about the new audiobook Bob Woodward cobbled out of his TFG tapes, including his reading of Kim Jong Un’s very strongly love letters.
So, whaddya think?
David Waldman brings us the next best thing to a Wednesday KITM, a Thursday one!
That’s because both have Greg Dworkin, who has a right proper punt laden w’the colourful storeys for us.
Lettuce all romaine calm and carry on, UK’s Prime Minister Liz Truss has been tossed, leafing many chard feelings throughout His Majesty's Government. Of course, this is just the tip of the iceberg for Britain, already full of vinaigrette over the last several years. Are Truss’ salad days ahead of her?
Meanwhile, we hope to fix things around here in a couple of weeks. A lot of people are voting, a lot more than 2018, so odds are there are more smart people voting. Enough smart people? It’s hard to tell.
It’s harvest season, when the leaves turn colors, and the farmers turn socialist. It’s also Covid season, now more for Red than Blue and White than Black.
Marco Rubio gives sanctimonious duplicitous Republican politicians a bad name.
Donald Trump still is running amok. Still being served in lawsuits, deposed in lawsuits, misleading investigators, lying to investigators, lying about his lying, misleading investigations. Wasn’t Liz Cheney supposed to fix all this? Nope! The only thing that can stop FPOTUS is the Youngkin/Lake ‘24 ticket.
David Waldman presents KITM, brought to you by ~~Arby’s~~, and ~~Mr. Hero..~~. Really, it should be the New York Times, for all the promotion we do for them.
Greg Dworkin informs us that the voting has already started, and the election has begun with a bang. But whose bang and who's getting it? Democrats are kicking Republican ass in debates, although you might want to consider that some voters prefer lying stupid fascists and thus take steps to act accordingly.
For instance, there’s a growing number of voters still choosing to be morons about that school furry thing. Growing up, I remember my dad always had a bag of cat litter out in the garage, but I never thought that he thought he was a cat. Donald Trump recently spent $22 million to raise $24 million, but who cares, it’s 100% imbecile money. One of Donald Trump’s political committees spent 158,000 chump dollars on Jared Kushner books.
Meanwhile, John Durham allows the Deep State to slip away, back into the swamp once again.
Clara Peller/Walter Mondale stan Judge Raymond Dearie requires more substantial evidence before considering Trump’s Mar-a-Lago privilege claims.
David Waldman, Tuesday, KITM. ‘nuff said… no wait, there’s some more:
Ron DeSantis knew that he would root out voter fraud in Florida, because he planted it there, and what’s so confusing about that?
Republican Hung Cao was caught grazing out where the grass must seem greener.
Democratic Congressman from Tennessee, Steve Cohen, also co-chair of the US Helsinki Commission, called to remove Russia from squatting on the UN Security Council. If alive, the founder of the Helsinki Commission, Republican Millicent Fenwick certainly would have supported the move. Put that in your pipe and smoke it.
Now that the January 6 Committee subpoenaed Donald John Trump, what’s next? It could be anything, because that dude’s just an incredible lowlife. Of course, that’s old news, as is Trump overcharging the Secret Service with exorbitant rates at his hotels. Now we have the receipts. You also knew that Donald screwed Deutsche Bank. We are now getting the specifics on that as well. Meanwhile, a Trump PAC spent $158,000 on Jared Kushner’s crappy book.
Joan McCarter tells us that the Gop plans to blow up the global economy and destroy Social Security, and we can’t let Mitch McConnell win and let him destroy democracy, therefore we must get out there and campaign for both Social Security AND abortion!
Sit back, pour yourself a refreshing… Mehmet, get out… beverage, and check out the latest KITM with David Waldman and Greg Dworkin: Antisemitism is at once trendy and yet so traditional in Right-wing social media that both Trump and Kanye can’t wait to get their latest slurs posted. Kanye West might need to buy Parler just to keep up with the demand. Bigotry, fear, anger, and whiteness have always made money and netted votes, but it might be that the GQP has become too focused on its appeal. Can good Whites of virtue be convinced to vote against their tribal interests? Can enough of them? Maybe, just a few more? SNL has better political coverage than the mainstream media. Is Liz Truss still Prime Minister? How about now? Check again. If Truss isn’t gone yet, it isn’t for the lack of trying, by her competitors, her allies, or by her own hand. That seems to be the primary focus in the UK. Liz might be too dull to hang on, but she could try out an international incident and see how that plays. Over in Russia, various government officials are falling into spats. No worries, those tiffs always have a way of working themselves out there. In the US, Truth Social seems to lack Putin’s sort of competent, principled management, or else their 5th floor windows don’t open.
As usual, I was so busy bringing you the full menu of KITM offerings yesterday that I neglected to actually watch the last Jan. 6 committee hearing. Luckily, everyone else in the world did. Not that not watching meant there weren’t things to say about it, and the subpoena that resulted, of course.
Meanwhile, TFG was also busy losing on other fronts, like the Supreme Court, and in his tricksy plot to fool the NY AG.
In a final bit of TFG-related news, we “learn” that a significant portion of the FBI and other federal law enforcement agencies were “sympathetic” to his lies and abuse.
You can wring your hands all you want to about “cancel culture,” but the bottom line is that if there’s one thing the Proud Boys definitely don’t bring to the table, it’s any offering worthy of the vaunted “marketplace of ideas.”
In Ron DumbSantis’ dumb bid to make a dumb statement on immigration, it turns out he’s triggered special visa eligibility for the mostly Venezuelan asylum seekers he kidnapped from Texas and flew on chartered jets to Martha’s Vineyard. On account of having committed a dumb crime against them. His is dumb.
Weekend reads to ponder: How does a guy in a maximum security prison steal $11 million dollars, convert them into gold coins, buy a $4.4 million mansion with them, and not serve in Trump’s cabinet? Privateers of the Caribbean, meet the “Gangster Socialists of the Red State Beaches.”
Greg Dworkin returns to the air, to bring his Raft o’ Stories™ safely ashore. The InfoWars are over, and Alex Jones lost! Despite (or because of) his being objectively despicable, he remains a Gop hero, though he may well take them all down with him. Jones can never sell enough supplements to pay this bill.
The Jan. 6 committee rides again! As does the admittedly less-exciting Liz Truss.
But despite being calamitously wrong on everything, the Gop still stands a shot at gaining control of Congress. All they have to do is successfully lie, probably about crime. Or stand by while reporters do the lying, instead.
We forgot to consult the NAFTA calendar about Día de la Raza.
TFG aides are talking about specifics of his Perv-A-Lago criming. And there’s word that this particular crime was in the works for months. Not charging him (so far) brings a lot of problems with it. And he not only knows it, he loves it. But maybe—just maybe—Alex Jones’ downfall can lead to his own.
BROKEN NEWS: Ronny Jackson is a drug-addled perv.
It’s Friday, or maybe Wednesday, and David Waldman takes KITM solo while Greg Dworkin is off on assignment in the Everglades. (Probably. I don’t know.)
Surprisingly for a guy who looks like he needs a winch to get off the toilet, Donald Trump sure seems to be an unstoppable force... However, for his entire life and career, Merrick Garland has proven to be an immovable object. This is the game of chicken both men were destined to play, if only others would let them play it.
That will become tougher with every new GQP candidate elected, the kind who give “crazy” a new meaning… as if the present contingent already hadn’t.
Republicans yearn for the worst so desperately that sometimes they need to take matters into their own hands, especially when there’s money in it for them. Ron DeSantis moved American Rescue Plan money all over his state, with probably not a penny towards rescuing America.
It’s a Tuesday that feels like a Monday in an October that feels like September, but odds are always good that it’s a KITM day, therefore David Waldman made us a show.
Remember Tulsi Gabbard? Tulsi was a failed Democrat. She will be a much better failed Republican. Who knows, perhaps Gabbard forced someone to get an abortion... If so, she probably made a good decision. There will be plenty of guys around to tell Tulsi exactly what she really needs to improve her attitude.
Documents confiscated at Mar-a-Lago were so disordered that the DOJ is still figuring out what is missing. Nonetheless, TFG hoped to trade them for Russian secrets. Trump’s goal is what Trump’s goal has always been, chaos and delay. David looks into precisely how this might be achieved.
Somewhere under the bus, Trump Team lawyers dine upon each other’s flesh.
Donald is mad at Mitch for not helping elect more anti-Mitch candidates.
Joan McCarter tells us that it’s no secret that Republicans plan to shut down government if they regain power... except for the bits they need to remain functioning for vengeance. Therefore, the midterms are about more than “electing Democrats”. They’re… no, they are about electing Democrats.
David Waldman wishes us all the happiest of… holidays, today! Well, at least you get the day off today, unless that isn’t true either.
Greg Dworkin informs us that polls are like football, except that you can’t see anyone playing and you won’t know what the score is until the game is over. Consider it a tie, until it’s not. Republicans always consider fear to be a good bet. Tommy Tuberville’s a betting man, and a racist.
Crimea river, Vladimir Putin. Putin hopes hawks might save him from vultures, therefore Ukraine is in for some fresh terror. Russia plans to bomb everyone. What bombs it will use might still be determined.
Living is tough. Kevin Baugh is coping by opening up his own micronation, kind of like the one in the movie The Mouse that Roared. Unfortunately, Elon Musk seems to be the only one inspired by the sequel.
Just how long can Judge Aileen Cannon run interference for Donald Trump? How many aides will go under the bus till then? Donald wanted to trade his documents for Russian investigation records. Chaos can only take Trump so far, hopefully.
David Waldman takes Columbus Day off… No, not Monday! Today, Eastern Orthodox… Wait, you didn’t know? Much of what we have been taught about Columbus might be inaccurate or incomplete. Christopher Columbus is every bit as real as Saint Nicholas, but hundreds of years after Columbus’ death he became an American icon, hero, and catalyst for inclusion and cultural diversity.
Our lock on the truth remains fragile. Over half of the GQP running for election are election deniers. There’s no denying that many of them will win, and all of us will lose.
An election worker proved that voting equipment can be tampered with, and hopefully will prove that people who commit that felony will be delt with accordingly. Seditious conspiracy to violently stop the transfer of presidential power is still a crime and soon also will be given proper attention.
Simple marijuana possession is no longer a federal crime. Thanks Smokin’ Joe!
Forensic evidence has been a critical factor in criminal prosecutions, leading to convictions and executions, many wrongfully. Bite mark evidence has been employed in the past for instance, but should never be used in criminal trials.
David Waldman sure has got that glow this morning... but that’s not a spray atonement, that’s the real deal, ready for a whole new year.
Greg Dworkin takes us for a ride on the midterm pollercoaster, to remind us that polls aren’t good at predicting the winners of elections. What they’re good for is, uhm, teaching us not to trust polls, or at least bet-hedging pollsters. That’s because people who vote are strange, and unique, and partisan.
That said, Herschel Walker’s polling is not looking great at the moment, so all of his friends in the Georgia Gop aren’t his friends anymore.
Australia’s polls have their problems also, even when everyone is a likely voter. In the UK, new PM Liz Truss has hit the ground running… well, actually it was more of a “cannonball”. In Ukraine, they don’t need polls to understand Russian standing. They just want fewer Russians standing.
Back in Florida, they know not to F with Dark Biden. Schools close indefinitely, which is good news for Ron DeSantis? DeSantis reached deep into his victimhood pocket and came up with “regime”, the favorite word for Republican snowflakes hoping to foment a little intimidation. Unfortunately, the folks they’re riling up have been dropping their laser sights onto the back of their neighbor’s heads for years now, and this is just the talk to make them snap.
REPENT NOW! If you are the kind who prefers to mete out your contrition in dribs and drabs over the course of a year rather than just reaping everything you sowed in one fell swoop, lament no more! Yesterday, David Waldman was warming up his self-reproach muscles when he realized that he sorely regretted not supplying us with a fresh KITM for today... So, here’s our brand-new prerecorded show!
Trump knew how to handle classified documents, but he didn’t want to handle them that way, and people who wanted to keep their jobs did it the way that Trump wanted.
A majority of House Republicans voted to overturn the 2020 election. Since then, most haven’t seen a need to recant, but to instead fine tune their rhetoric for the highest ROI. In fact, Ginni Thomas, the Oath Keepers, Marjorie Traitor Greene and FPOTUS have set the pace on rousing their rabble, by employing the “accusation in a mirror” technique. The mother-daughter duo from the MAGA group Women For America First have strong connections with Mark Meadows, Donald Trump, and Mike Lindell, and advance information on a lot of seditionist and insurrectionist shenanigans.
Darwin H.M., aka @Darwin_Darko, aka the most reasonable man in America, tells us of the forgotten story of the “reverse freedom rides” of 1962 — with a music bed too — it’s like a Ken Burns film without the distraction of floating pictures!
David Waldman will be out repenting tonight and most of tomorrow if you want to join in. Tomorrow we’ll be off the air. KITM will return, on Thursday!
Ryan Suleski needs to atone for a whole lot of things, but did plead guilty to trespass and theft during his January 6 insurrection.
Donald Trump lied to Maggie Haberman! Then Donald backed up, so that he could lie over his previous lies a few more times. Trump personally packed documents to pilfer from the White House and kept hundreds of them away from the FBI. He ordered his attorney Alex Cannon to be the fall guy, but patsy was above Cannon’s pay grade. Trump lawyers will soon demand that their lawyers be put on retainer.
Ron DeSantis hates hurricane aid but loves hurricane aid. Migrants are being lured to Florida to clean up after Hurricane Ian.
Alabama's top-ranking GQP official, John Wahl made up his own ID to cast a vote in the 2020 election. Normal Voter ID is against his religion, although John has a driver’s license. Wahl even put a bar code and some unexplained numbers on it to make it look official.
Joan McCarter previews a new year of horrors from the Trump Supreme Court, detailing the two Supreme Court cases that could blow up our democracy. The rot in the Supreme Court goes beyond Clarence and Ginni Thomas. The Conference of Chief Justices has about all they can take and filed a brief rejecting ‘independent state legislature’ theory in order to save federalism.
It’s October, which means Halloween displays are going up on yards and coming down in stores, and David Waldman is now declining interviews with comic book burners in favor of comic book authority Greg Dworkin. Greg is also an expert on polling, at least enough to tell you that polling can’t tell you who’ll win in November, but they can tell you that they really can’t tell you who's ahead right now. As usual, it all depends on the GOTV efforts of Christian nationalist churches, and why would they talk to pollsters?
Marjorie Traitor Greene tells us that the unrelenting persecution and slaughter of Christian whites is forcing her finger to the trigger. Rising authoritarianism leads many to believe Federalist Society judges have no respect for rule of law or the basic concept of justice, but really, the day they put you up against the wall, they will be telling you how the law made them do it. Kevin McCarthy hopes to throw the book at Hunter Biden.
The Supreme Court hasn’t completely lost it. At least not to the point of lifting the ban on bump stocks or taking Mike Lindell seriously, two very low bars. And yet, Republican candidates are furious about costumed children pooping in litterboxes; therefore, they trust that enough of their voters believe that to keep them in power.
In Florida, Lee County officials took a wait and see how many people die attitude with Hurricane Ian. Ron DeSantis was busy confabbing withex-Army counterintelligence operatives on his next hilarious prank.
In Brazil, Trump clone Jair Bolsonaro is close to a determination on the degree of fake in the polling and elections in his country. Meanwhile, brand new British Prime Minister Liz Truss was forced to make a humiliating U-turn while attempting to find the Brexit.
The United States Public Health Service corps sure look spiffy, and you know how Donald loves a man in a uniform.
Ah... Fall, crisp breezes, colorful leaves, stopgap government funding bills, averting government shutdowns. Everyone except Dianne Feinstein expects them at this time of year.
Once he outgrew his early Saturday morning TV role, David Waldman never imagined that he’d ever need to address flutes again, but now it’s come to this.
In just a few years, Lizzo has won Grammys, Emmys, and hit No. 1 on the Billboard Hot 100. But then she decided to be Black, female, and a little too happy with all that for conservatives, appalled at seeing her flaunt her flautist lips all over our revered founding father James Madison’s old flute. This flute has been held in hallowed regard by the right for about 5 minutes now and by tradition should only be playing Aqualung.
A Tennessee lawmaker pointed out the growing crisis of idiot Tennessee lawmakers implying that any school anywhere allows their students to poop in litterboxes. Sculptures of Ron Johnson can be found in various litterboxes across the nation, but if you have to see a life-size scatue, that POS can only be found in Milwaukee.
U.S. District Judge Aileen Cannon, biding her time as she waits for an opening on the Supreme Court, threw team Trump a few more bones and some of special master U.S. District Judge Raymond Dearie’s experience and dignity.
Tucker Carlson suggests that the US blew up the Nord Stream pipeline, and Russia loves him for it. Maybe they’ll honor Tuck with a plaque beneath their defenestration window to read on the way down. Donald Trump’s paid speeches make him millions and bankrupt his vendors. Donald Trump makes millions and bankrupts his vendors.
Even if you did listen to today’s KITM live, you might need to check it out a second time. The live show had a few streaming issues, which David Waldman and Greg Dworkin more than made up for with a carpet of F-bombs. The recorded version won’t have either but keeps the annotated news and punditry you love!
Hurricane Ian has devastated a lot of property and lives since yesterday.
Russia is still losing in Ukraine and intends to feed recruits into the grinder until the gears clog. Someone desperately struck out at the Nord Stream pipelines, and right now no one is more desperate than Vladimir Putin, whose last hope might be the US midterms.
The reforms to the Electoral Count Act are moving pretty smoothly through the legislature, probably because Donald Trump hasn’t said anything yet. Republicans definitely aren’t waiting for Kevin McCarthy to weigh in. The more MAGA gets involved in governing, the less anyone likes it. The Trump Supreme Court loses trust and approval with each decision.
Students in Loudoun County (Home of KITM World Headquarters, natch.) walked out in protest of Glenn Youngkin’s latest restrictions on transgender rights, just as if they had friends who were transgender. Uvalde parents are demanding investigations as if they had children who were shot and killed at Robb Elementary School.
Ohio Republican candidate J.R. Majewski continues to lie about things that are easily provable to be lies. Former senior Trump lackey Corey Lewandowski, coward, bully, cad and swine, has cut a plea deal.
The UK learns that once they Brexit, they bought it.
Even if you did listen to today’s KITM live, you might need to check it out a second time. The live show had a few streaming issues, which David Waldman and Greg Dworkin more than made up for with a carpet of F-bombs. The recorded version won’t have either but keeps the annotated news and punditry you love!
Hurricane Ian has devastated a lot of property and lives since yesterday.
Russia is still losing in Ukraine and intends to feed recruits into the grinder until the gears clog. Someone desperately struck out at the Nord Stream pipelines, and right now no one is more desperate than Vladimir Putin, whose last hope might be the US midterms.
The reforms to the Electoral Count Act are moving pretty smoothly through the legislature, probably because Donald Trump hasn’t said anything yet. Republicans definitely aren’t waiting for Kevin McCarthy to weigh in. The more MAGA gets involved in governing, the less anyone likes it. The Trump Supreme Court loses trust and approval with each decision.
Students in Loudoun County (Home of KITM World Headquarters, natch.) walked out in protest of Glenn Youngkin’s latest restrictions on transgender rights, just as if they had friends who were transgender. Uvalde parents are demanding investigations as if they had children who were shot and killed at Robb Elementary School.
Ohio Republican candidate J.R. Majewski continues to lie about things that are easily provable to be lies. Former senior Trump lackey Corey Lewandowski, coward, bully, cad and swine, has cut a plea deal.
The UK learns that once they Brexit, they bought it.
Grab your dog, cat, or capybara and fly home quick! David Waldman and Greg Dworkin are back together, for the first time this week!
Take those pets and flee to shelter if you’re near Florida. Hurricane Ian is heading into a catastrophic landfall with Florida. Ian is almost at Category 5 and is continuing to climb on the Waffle House index.
“Woke” is yet another dog whistle for “Black”. For instance, Donald Trump won’t use any toilet a “woke” person has used. Don Bolduc doesn’t understand dog whistles are like jokes, they just don’t work when you explain them. Trey Gowdy believes that once fascists are fully in power, “fascism” won’t be such a bad word anymore. MAGA candidate Teddy Daniels “woke up” and even Marjorie Traitor Greene isn’t MAGA enough for him.
Republican and Democratic polling might be confused by the fact that the parties are running in different universes. The universes are converging in just a couple of weeks, though, and Dems look as if they are performing well. Young people and women seem to be set to make a huge difference. Democrats are raising big money and might be getting more bang for their buck. Donald Trump was almost “confused” into bombing Mexico by Assistant Secretary for Health Brett Giroir’s uniform. If only Tucker Carlson knew that trick earlier... Tucker and Donald have joined the Russian army, and not a moment too soon! Trump’s Mar-a-Lago espionage case special master Raymond Dearie was forced to call out Trump’s district judge Aileen Cannon for accidently cutting him out of his job on the case, thus giving Aileen a lock to be on Trump Supreme Court for 2025. Electoral Count Act reform Is now within reach.
Grab your dog, cat, or capybara and fly home quick! David Waldman and Greg Dworkin are back together, for the first time this week!
Take those pets and flee to shelter if you’re near Florida. Hurricane Ian is heading into a catastrophic landfall with Florida. Ian is almost at Category 5 and is continuing to climb on the Waffle House index.
“Woke” is yet another dog whistle for “Black”. For instance, Donald Trump won’t use any toilet a “woke” person has used. Don Bolduc doesn’t understand dog whistles are like jokes, they just don’t work when you explain them. Trey Gowdy believes that once fascists are fully in power, “fascism” won’t be such a bad word anymore. MAGA candidate Teddy Daniels “woke up” and even Marjorie Traitor Greene isn’t MAGA enough for him.
Republican and Democratic polling might be confused by the fact that the parties are running in different universes. The universes are converging in just a couple of weeks, though, and Dems look as if they are performing well. Young people and women seem to be set to make a huge difference. Democrats are raising big money and might be getting more bang for their buck. Donald Trump was almost “confused” into bombing Mexico by Assistant Secretary for Health Brett Giroir’s uniform. If only Tucker Carlson knew that trick earlier... Tucker and Donald have joined the Russian army, and not a moment too soon! Trump’s Mar-a-Lago espionage case special master Raymond Dearie was forced to call out Trump’s district judge Aileen Cannon for accidently cutting him out of his job on the case, thus giving Aileen a lock to be on Trump Supreme Court for 2025. Electoral Count Act reform Is now within reach.
Shofar so good! David Waldman, a man from the year 5783, portals in to guide us into the future.
Joan McCarter couldn’t make it, but if she did, she’d probably tell you there’s probably not going to be a government shutdown next week.
Italy meets the new Duce, same as the old Duce. Nobody says Fratelli D'Italia like Lauren and Marj.
Most of Alabama GQP chairman John Wahl’s family examined their computer MAC, cellphone IDs, Social Security and credit card numbers, and came to the conclusion that their voter IDs were the Mark of the Devil. (Want to bet they’re unvaxxed?)
Texas Attorney General Ken Paxton is on the lamb, a fugitive of justice, fleeing from an abortion rights lawsuit, felony securities charges, abuse of office, etc. Matt Gaetz has the Republican formula down pat, throw old buddies under the bus, find new, crazier friends, and live happily ever after.
Nitwit Jade Helm hysteria was fomented by the Russians. Trolling and disinformation seems to be the thing Russians are very good at, real war though isn’t really their thing. It might be had they got training, applied themselves, and if the Ukrainians would quit killing them for a second, butfor now Russian soldiers are leaning into being bad guys. Being villainous is right in Vladimir Putin’s wheelhouse.
Shofar so good! David Waldman, a man from the year 5783, portals in to guide us into the future.
Joan McCarter couldn’t make it, but if she did, she’d probably tell you there’s probably not going to be a government shutdown next week.
Italy meets the new Duce, same as the old Duce. Nobody says Fratelli D'Italia like Lauren and Marj.
Most of Alabama GQP chairman John Wahl’s family examined their computer MAC, cellphone IDs, Social Security and credit card numbers, and came to the conclusion that their voter IDs were the Mark of the Devil. (Want to bet they’re unvaxxed?)
Texas Attorney General Ken Paxton is on the lamb, a fugitive of justice, fleeing from an abortion rights lawsuit, felony securities charges, abuse of office, etc. Matt Gaetz has the Republican formula down pat, throw old buddies under the bus, find new, crazier friends, and live happily ever after.
Nitwit Jade Helm hysteria was fomented by the Russians. Trolling and disinformation seems to be the thing Russians are very good at, real war though isn’t really their thing. It might be had they got training, applied themselves, and if the Ukrainians would quit killing them for a second, butfor now Russian soldiers are leaning into being bad guys. Being villainous is right in Vladimir Putin’s wheelhouse.
Shana Tovah! David Waldman is off cheerfully tootling and self-reflecting. (Somber self-reflection is next month.) Ah, but yesterday, David recorded an all-new KITM! Open your pomegranate and enjoy!
Another, maybe final hearing from the January 6 Committee is this week. Over and over, the committee has documented the planning behind the coup. MAGA think tank Claremont Institute circle-jerked a Turner Diaries fantasy of the insurrection back in October 2020, entitled79 Days to Inauguration. Authoritarian-advocating think tank Heritage Foundation’s senior staff are sometimes troubled by underlings not obedient to all of their top-down edicts.
The 5th Circuit appeals court compels censorship over the previous hundred years of 1st amendment law.
Donald Trump has lied and stolen for decades. There must be something he likes about it. Donald loves gossiping because he can hurt people behind their backs, hurt them to their face, then hurt them for profit.
Shana Tovah! David Waldman is off cheerfully tootling and self-reflecting. (Somber self-reflection is next month.) Ah, but yesterday, David recorded an all-new KITM! Open your pomegranate and enjoy!
Another, maybe final hearing from the January 6 Committee is this week. Over and over, the committee has documented the planning behind the coup. MAGA think tank Claremont Institute circle-jerked a Turner Diaries fantasy of the insurrection back in October 2020, entitled79 Days to Inauguration. Authoritarian-advocating think tank Heritage Foundation’s senior staff are sometimes troubled by underlings not obedient to all of their top-down edicts.
The 5th Circuit appeals court compels censorship over the previous hundred years of 1st amendment law.
Donald Trump has lied and stolen for decades. There must be something he likes about it. Donald loves gossiping because he can hurt people behind their backs, hurt them to their face, then hurt them for profit.
With the arrival of the (Eastern Orthodox) Autumnal Equinox, it’s time for KITM to finally get around to Spring Cleaning.
But first, some current affairs: Project Veritas and James O’Keefe are the only wingnuts losing in court nearly as often these days than TFG. But TFG will not be outdone. When he loses, he gets walloped.
Cancel culture alert! Judd Legum is on top of DeSantis’ Uber-but-for-kidnapping debacle, including the latest on the canceled flights.
Memos don’t really seem like the Proud Boys’ kind of thing. But then again, how many super dumb memos have you seen in your lifetime, right? ~~Meanwhile~~, Proud Boys founder Gavin McInnes is ~~fighting~~ sending his wife to fight with his neighbors, because they refuse to enjoy hate. If you’ve ever wondered why the authorities don’t arrest McInnes, it seems McInnes has been wondering that, too. And he thinks you think it should happen. So he (sort of) made it happen.
Wannabe “military” types at long last targeted by… used-to-be military types.
Is there a theme here? Are Gop “think tanks” in the tank for Jan. 6? Were they all-in even before 1/6?
With the arrival of the (Eastern Orthodox) Autumnal Equinox, it’s time for KITM to finally get around to Spring Cleaning.
But first, some current affairs: Project Veritas and James O’Keefe are the only wingnuts losing in court nearly as often these days than TFG. But TFG will not be outdone. When he loses, he gets walloped.
Cancel culture alert! Judd Legum is on top of DeSantis’ Uber-but-for-kidnapping debacle, including the latest on the canceled flights.
Memos don’t really seem like the Proud Boys’ kind of thing. But then again, how many super dumb memos have you seen in your lifetime, right? ~~Meanwhile~~, Proud Boys founder Gavin McInnes is ~~fighting~~ sending his wife to fight with his neighbors, because they refuse to enjoy hate. If you’ve ever wondered why the authorities don’t arrest McInnes, it seems McInnes has been wondering that, too. And he thinks you think it should happen. So he (sort of) made it happen.
Wannabe “military” types at long last targeted by… used-to-be military types.
Is there a theme here? Are Gop “think tanks” in the tank for Jan. 6? Were they all-in even before 1/6?
David Waldman and Greg Dworkin are back at it again, with even more news and banter:
Another bad day for Donald Trump. Judge Aileen Cannon was incinerated by judicial canon fire from the 11th Circuit Court of Appeals. This is setting off exploding heads throughout the Right Wing, when those two Trump judges on the court went RINO. Clearly feeling the discomfiture and painful obligations of Cobbledick v. United States, Trump went on Hannity to testify out of court. There, FPOTUS brought out the STUPID, revealing probably the worst superpower, ever.
And then there’s Attorney General Letitia James lawsuit. It’s hard to keep those Trump cesspools apart, when they commingle so. Is this the final round of the Trump boss battle? Probably not, after New York, we still have an entire world of Trump corruption to explore.
Maybe Truth Social was not such a good investment, after all.
The GQP can’t blame Donald for their disarray, they’re doing most of that themselves. Republican J.R. Majewski said he didn’t bathe for 40 days while deployed to Afghanistan. Majewski could be accurate about his hygiene, but not the Afghanistan deployment.
MAGA media lined up to deny that they were capable of convincing people to bomb hospitals, but it turns out that they can. Voter challenges and records requests swamp election offices, while the Alabama GQP chair refused to present a proper voter ID and then fired the guy who asked for it.
Ted Cruz saluted himself for a bipartisan victory bringing in the NAFTA superhighway, while everyone knows Ted doesn’t do bipartisan. We have the White House Communications Specialist Megan Coyne to thank for pointing that out. At one time, Megan was considered the “Voice of New Jersey” ... somehow.
Migrants have filed a class action lawsuit against Ron DeSantis. Privately, Jared Kushner is distraught. Who wants to tell him?
David Waldman and Greg Dworkin are back at it again, with even more news and banter:
Another bad day for Donald Trump. Judge Aileen Cannon was incinerated by judicial canon fire from the 11th Circuit Court of Appeals. This is setting off exploding heads throughout the Right Wing, when those two Trump judges on the court went RINO. Clearly feeling the discomfiture and painful obligations of Cobbledick v. United States, Trump went on Hannity to testify out of court. There, FPOTUS brought out the STUPID, revealing probably the worst superpower, ever.
And then there’s Attorney General Letitia James lawsuit. It’s hard to keep those Trump cesspools apart, when they commingle so. Is this the final round of the Trump boss battle? Probably not, after New York, we still have an entire world of Trump corruption to explore.
Maybe Truth Social was not such a good investment, after all.
The GQP can’t blame Donald for their disarray, they’re doing most of that themselves. Republican J.R. Majewski said he didn’t bathe for 40 days while deployed to Afghanistan. Majewski could be accurate about his hygiene, but not the Afghanistan deployment.
MAGA media lined up to deny that they were capable of convincing people to bomb hospitals, but it turns out that they can. Voter challenges and records requests swamp election offices, while the Alabama GQP chair refused to present a proper voter ID and then fired the guy who asked for it.
Ted Cruz saluted himself for a bipartisan victory bringing in the NAFTA superhighway, while everyone knows Ted doesn’t do bipartisan. We have the White House Communications Specialist Megan Coyne to thank for pointing that out. At one time, Megan was considered the “Voice of New Jersey” ... somehow.
Migrants have filed a class action lawsuit against Ron DeSantis. Privately, Jared Kushner is distraught. Who wants to tell him?
David Waldman couldn’t get a preview post out this morning, so no one knew what he was going to talk about! Don’t worry, though. He and Greg Dworkin came up with something:
Donald Trump has a crisp two-dollar bill ready for the first caddy to feed him good news today. They better get the cash in advance as the old boy’s in a bad mood this morning. The first hearing with special master Judge Raymond Dearie went about as expected, with Dearie refusing to accept no answer as any sort of answer regarding declassification of White House documents. Team Trump filed more babble in reply. Prosecution asks the court to please make them cut that out. The only deadline Trump attorneys care about involve actuality tables, and in the meantime, they hope to debase the rule of law as much as possible. The Zombie Supreme Court is already governed by their whims.
And yet remnants of justice keep coming for Donald and his family. Attorney general of New York, Letitia James finally filed a civil lawsuit on many of the Trump clan. Migrants are filing a class-action lawsuit against Ron DeSantis for his scheme to traffic people for the lulz. The sheriff of Bexar County, Texas is investigating the legality of Ron’s scam, and might follow the trail all the way to the sinister top. South Dakota’s ethics board took “appropriate action” on Kristi Noem’s corruption but will not divulge what that is.
Senators are announcing two bipartisan bills to help stop coups!
All of this outrageous criminality and corruption are raising Democratic chances for the midterms. Joe Biden has made it to Ronald Reagan territory! For those Dems who feel displays of confidence unseemly, there’s still plenty to fret about. Latino support is steadfastly tepid. And in Georgia, the only person on earth who could ever move a Republican to vote Democratic would be Herschel Walker. Oh, and Russia might nuke us all before all the votes are counted.
David Waldman couldn’t get a preview post out this morning, so no one knew what he was going to talk about! Don’t worry, though. He and Greg Dworkin came up with something:
Donald Trump has a crisp two-dollar bill ready for the first caddy to feed him good news today. They better get the cash in advance as the old boy’s in a bad mood this morning. The first hearing with special master Judge Raymond Dearie went about as expected, with Dearie refusing to accept no answer as any sort of answer regarding declassification of White House documents. Team Trump filed more babble in reply. Prosecution asks the court to please make them cut that out. The only deadline Trump attorneys care about involve actuality tables, and in the meantime, they hope to debase the rule of law as much as possible. The Zombie Supreme Court is already governed by their whims.
And yet remnants of justice keep coming for Donald and his family. Attorney general of New York, Letitia James finally filed a civil lawsuit on many of the Trump clan. Migrants are filing a class-action lawsuit against Ron DeSantis for his scheme to traffic people for the lulz. The sheriff of Bexar County, Texas is investigating the legality of Ron’s scam, and might follow the trail all the way to the sinister top. South Dakota’s ethics board took “appropriate action” on Kristi Noem’s corruption but will not divulge what that is.
Senators are announcing two bipartisan bills to help stop coups!
All of this outrageous criminality and corruption are raising Democratic chances for the midterms. Joe Biden has made it to Ronald Reagan territory! For those Dems who feel displays of confidence unseemly, there’s still plenty to fret about. Latino support is steadfastly tepid. And in Georgia, the only person on earth who could ever move a Republican to vote Democratic would be Herschel Walker. Oh, and Russia might nuke us all before all the votes are counted.
David Waldman, still humming shanties from yesterday, shares Tuesday’s news booty:
The Queen is dead, long live the Queen. Aren’t we just about out of royal media to consume? Arise, Sir Guy of Former, King of QAnon, Orange Jesus, humble goat herder.
The Guardian asks, did Trump really hide classified documents in his former wife’s grave? Or is the left now as bonkers as the right? Well, given only those two choices, a sane person might expect Donald’s usual MO. Trump’s present lawyers aren’t crazy. Team Trump knows where the Mar-a-Lago search will lead, they just want it to get there later, once their client has passed away and the estate pays them, a goal of many attorneys. Judge Raymond Dearie taking over as special master might only buy them just a few weeks, however, so it’s up to cheeseburgers to make everybody happy.
The Guardian should check out the story of the man not competent to stand trial who forged US Treasury documents that eventually made it onto the Florida docket on the Mar-a-Lago case.
Bexar County Sheriff Javier Salazar announced a probe into Ron DeSantis’ ongoing migrant scams. Venezuelans have had it worse, but probably didn’t expect this treatment. Judd Legum revealed evidence that DeSantis committed a crime. Ron DeSantis could comment, but that would interrupt his fundraising.
Liz Cheney and Zoe Lofgren are overhauling the Electoral Count Act to help prevent election overthrows. It may help, but it won’t stop Republicans from trying.
Joan McCarter tells us disasters might alter, but Republicans can’t stop, the upcoming government funding bill. No one is undecided on codifying same-sex marriage, but bipartisan efforts lead by Chuck Schumer and Susan Collins have delayed the vote.
David Waldman, still humming shanties from yesterday, shares Tuesday’s news booty:
The Queen is dead, long live the Queen. Aren’t we just about out of royal media to consume? Arise, Sir Guy of Former, King of QAnon, Orange Jesus, humble goat herder.
The Guardian asks, did Trump really hide classified documents in his former wife’s grave? Or is the left now as bonkers as the right? Well, given only those two choices, a sane person might expect Donald’s usual MO. Trump’s present lawyers aren’t crazy. Team Trump knows where the Mar-a-Lago search will lead, they just want it to get there later, once their client has passed away and the estate pays them, a goal of many attorneys. Judge Raymond Dearie taking over as special master might only buy them just a few weeks, however, so it’s up to cheeseburgers to make everybody happy.
The Guardian should check out the story of the man not competent to stand trial who forged US Treasury documents that eventually made it onto the Florida docket on the Mar-a-Lago case.
Bexar County Sheriff Javier Salazar announced a probe into Ron DeSantis’ ongoing migrant scams. Venezuelans have had it worse, but probably didn’t expect this treatment. Judd Legum revealed evidence that DeSantis committed a crime. Ron DeSantis could comment, but that would interrupt his fundraising.
Liz Cheney and Zoe Lofgren are overhauling the Electoral Count Act to help prevent election overthrows. It may help, but it won’t stop Republicans from trying.
Joan McCarter tells us disasters might alter, but Republicans can’t stop, the upcoming government funding bill. No one is undecided on codifying same-sex marriage, but bipartisan efforts lead by Chuck Schumer and Susan Collins have delayed the vote.
Yarr me mateys! David Waldman and Greg Dworkin sing ye sea shanties recountin’ many tales from their raft o’ stories. The punditry’s gushin’ o’er the scuppers, yarr.
Sorry anglophiles, if you haven’t beenqueued in the Queue by now, talking like a pirate might be as close as you get to thefroufrou folderol of semi-fictional Royalty until a wedding or something. A Queen can lie in state only so long.
Is there anyone crueler and more mean-spirited than Ron DeSantis and Greg Abbott? Absolutely, but what can citizen Donald Trump do? Donald would need to freelance his reverse freedom rides, and without taxpayers covering everything, what’s the fun in that? Hispanics in Florida and Texas must not read the New York Post.
The GQP is a cruel, mean-spirited, racist, authoritarian outlier. It’s collapsing into a white quasar of nutcases and Nazis. Against such cartoonishly dangerous anti-democratic screwballs, Democrats can’t help but… uhm... tie? In a Georgia county with a racist history (probably not the only one) Stacey Abrams is painted as an invading army. Marjorie Traitor Greene wants to fly Stacey back to wherever she imagines Abrams comes from.
So, what is FPOTUS up to this week? The Trump team lied and lied and lied about what was being hidden at Mar-a-Lago. Liars across America now wonder if they can lie like that, and the answer is, Judge Aileen Cannon can only do so much. Cannon’s lying about this being a brief pause. Trump’s lawyers now hope Raymond Dearie has lost his mind.
Matt Gaetz needed a preemptive pardon on all things because Matt is guilty of everything. The Trump Supreme Court ordered that a Bremerton assistant football coach have his job returned to him, even though he wasn’t fired, and didn’t want the job. That’s okay by him, the money’s good.
Yarr me mateys! David Waldman and Greg Dworkin sing ye sea shanties recountin’ many tales from their raft o’ stories. The punditry’s gushin’ o’er the scuppers, yarr.
Sorry anglophiles, if you haven’t beenqueued in the Queue by now, talking like a pirate might be as close as you get to thefroufrou folderol of semi-fictional Royalty until a wedding or something. A Queen can lie in state only so long.
Is there anyone crueler and more mean-spirited than Ron DeSantis and Greg Abbott? Absolutely, but what can citizen Donald Trump do? Donald would need to freelance his reverse freedom rides, and without taxpayers covering everything, what’s the fun in that? Hispanics in Florida and Texas must not read the New York Post.
The GQP is a cruel, mean-spirited, racist, authoritarian outlier. It’s collapsing into a white quasar of nutcases and Nazis. Against such cartoonishly dangerous anti-democratic screwballs, Democrats can’t help but… uhm... tie? In a Georgia county with a racist history (probably not the only one) Stacey Abrams is painted as an invading army. Marjorie Traitor Greene wants to fly Stacey back to wherever she imagines Abrams comes from.
So, what is FPOTUS up to this week? The Trump team lied and lied and lied about what was being hidden at Mar-a-Lago. Liars across America now wonder if they can lie like that, and the answer is, Judge Aileen Cannon can only do so much. Cannon’s lying about this being a brief pause. Trump’s lawyers now hope Raymond Dearie has lost his mind.
Matt Gaetz needed a preemptive pardon on all things because Matt is guilty of everything. The Trump Supreme Court ordered that a Bremerton assistant football coach have his job returned to him, even though he wasn’t fired, and didn’t want the job. That’s okay by him, the money’s good.
Today’s KITM is brought to you by Hardee’s... the ”Roy Rogers” of Burger Chefs… or would be if they sent a bag of something over.
David Waldman is hungry for the truth, and related media:
Say what you will about Ron DeSantis, but he keeps the racism running on time, recreating a White Citizens Council stunt exactly 60 years later, by importing migrants from Texas to coyote into Massachusetts. Sure, that could be considered “a crime” on paper, but is it really a crime to deliver so much joy to so many bigoted imbeciles? DeSantis even sent a videographer to record every hilarious moment. DeSantis paid for the trafficking with stimulus money, to raise money from GQP donors. Defund DeSantis.
Far-right Lunatics are harassing schools, libraries and hospitals because MAGA media tells them to. Somehow, most of what they do is considered legal. Bombs are not. If MAGA needs any help killing people, there are plenty of White supremacist ex-con gangs forming to chip in.
The law that removed Couy Griffin from office unsurprisingly might be used in bad faith.
Judge Aileen Cannon runs against judicial canon to bend over backwards for Donald Trump, which is exactly how he and his MAGA followers like it.
Donald Trump offered the West Bank to Jordan's king Abdullah II… perhaps he could interest him in some Puerto Rico or Greenland?
Slovenia reminds us to “cepite se”!
Today’s KITM is brought to you by Hardee’s... the ”Roy Rogers” of Burger Chefs… or would be if they sent a bag of something over.
David Waldman is hungry for the truth, and related media:
Say what you will about Ron DeSantis, but he keeps the racism running on time, recreating a White Citizens Council stunt exactly 60 years later, by importing migrants from Texas to coyote into Massachusetts. Sure, that could be considered “a crime” on paper, but is it really a crime to deliver so much joy to so many bigoted imbeciles? DeSantis even sent a videographer to record every hilarious moment. DeSantis paid for the trafficking with stimulus money, to raise money from GQP donors. Defund DeSantis.
Far-right Lunatics are harassing schools, libraries and hospitals because MAGA media tells them to. Somehow, most of what they do is considered legal. Bombs are not. If MAGA needs any help killing people, there are plenty of White supremacist ex-con gangs forming to chip in.
The law that removed Couy Griffin from office unsurprisingly might be used in bad faith.
Judge Aileen Cannon runs against judicial canon to bend over backwards for Donald Trump, which is exactly how he and his MAGA followers like it.
Donald Trump offered the West Bank to Jordan's king Abdullah II… perhaps he could interest him in some Puerto Rico or Greenland?
Slovenia reminds us to “cepite se”!
David Waldman and Greg Dworkin count down the days until “Talk Like a Pirate Day” (Four, arr.)
Ron DeSantis hired coyotes to transport Venezuelans out of Texas into Martha's Vineyard. Woke people are wrecked by the news, but not as much as the immigrants.
Speaking of wrecked, Putin’s army in Ukraine could use a little cheering up. Vlad should head down to the front lines like Volodymyr Zelenskyy does and show some leadership. A gesture like that could in moments brighten the outlook for millions on all sides. Another Putin ally appears to have received the complementary pillow on his flight last night.
Speaking of pillows, Mr. Pillow himself, Mike Lindell, will be suing the FBI for the return of his phone, which had everything he had on it. Mike especially misses all of the evidence linking him to various voting machine felonies in Colorado.
Speaking of nutcases, Sidney Powell warns of a “flock of cats” being mistaken for ducks, mistaking the United States Sixth Circuit for the People’s Court. A District Court judge orders insurrectionist lawyer Brad Geyer to quit talking to attorneys funded by Sidney Powell.
Speaking of election deniers, there are a whole lot of them running for election right now, and they have big plans whether they are admitting it now or not. Voting subverters are citing fraudulent documents to support legalizing voter suppression. The DOJ’s search of Jeffrey Clark’s home is linked to his and other’s false statements, conspiracy, and obstruction. The King of Election Deniers promises problems in this country the likes of which perhaps we’ve never seen before if any investigations get too close to him.
Speaking of inciting violent insurrection, the House January 6 Committee is receiving huge tranches of Secret Service material. Mark Meadows is sharing a huge trove of documents to the DOJ.
We haven’t yet spoken about the quality job President Joe Biden and the Democrats have been performing! Joe helped business and labor reached a tentative railway labor deal yesterday, averting a strike of tens of thousands of railway workers. Joe and the team are masters of foreign policy as well. Will that translate into election wins? Maybe! The difference between the best and the worst is too close to call in this election and that difference will only tighten.
David Waldman and Greg Dworkin count down the days until “Talk Like a Pirate Day” (Four, arr.)
Ron DeSantis hired coyotes to transport Venezuelans out of Texas into Martha's Vineyard. Woke people are wrecked by the news, but not as much as the immigrants.
Speaking of wrecked, Putin’s army in Ukraine could use a little cheering up. Vlad should head down to the front lines like Volodymyr Zelenskyy does and show some leadership. A gesture like that could in moments brighten the outlook for millions on all sides. Another Putin ally appears to have received the complementary pillow on his flight last night.
Speaking of pillows, Mr. Pillow himself, Mike Lindell, will be suing the FBI for the return of his phone, which had everything he had on it. Mike especially misses all of the evidence linking him to various voting machine felonies in Colorado.
Speaking of nutcases, Sidney Powell warns of a “flock of cats” being mistaken for ducks, mistaking the United States Sixth Circuit for the People’s Court. A District Court judge orders insurrectionist lawyer Brad Geyer to quit talking to attorneys funded by Sidney Powell.
Speaking of election deniers, there are a whole lot of them running for election right now, and they have big plans whether they are admitting it now or not. Voting subverters are citing fraudulent documents to support legalizing voter suppression. The DOJ’s search of Jeffrey Clark’s home is linked to his and other’s false statements, conspiracy, and obstruction. The King of Election Deniers promises problems in this country the likes of which perhaps we’ve never seen before if any investigations get too close to him.
Speaking of inciting violent insurrection, the House January 6 Committee is receiving huge tranches of Secret Service material. Mark Meadows is sharing a huge trove of documents to the DOJ.
We haven’t yet spoken about the quality job President Joe Biden and the Democrats have been performing! Joe helped business and labor reached a tentative railway labor deal yesterday, averting a strike of tens of thousands of railway workers. Joe and the team are masters of foreign policy as well. Will that translate into election wins? Maybe! The difference between the best and the worst is too close to call in this election and that difference will only tighten.
It’s Wednesday, and we have KITM with David Waldman and Greg Dworkin! What more could you want? Good news! They have that too:
Ken Starr is heading to the precise place his virtue has always led him. Monica Lewinsky hopes everyone shows restraint in regard for those who loved him, on the outside chance there is any.
Just as dead, John Durham’s grand jury, and Donald Trump’s hopes for locking anyone up.
The FBI confiscated Mike Lindell’s cell phone at the drive through at Hardee’s… Really!
Donald Trump popping up on his golf course without clubs the other day seemed suspicious to many, but it might have been that was the time he did something innocent. Donald was just out with the several guys who get him coffee, and the one guy in charge of grounds.
Lindsey Graham, devoutly fervent zealous believer in — what day is it? — ardently supports a ~~state's right~~~~to~~ a federal abortion ban of how about... 15 weeks? Lindsey scored an own goal then ran out of the stadium with the ball. LEEEEEROYYYYYY JEENNNNKINNNSSSS!!!!
Democrats do seem to have the roementum going into Roevember. Of course, there’s plenty of work still to do, but from Connecticut to Pennsylvania, and through the bible belt, the Democratic party sees abortion rights the way the voters do. (Nancy Pelosi thinks they might… PICK UP seats.)
It might really be different for this election. Of course, this all depends on a rational electorate avoiding lunatic lawmakers… or at least enough voters recognizing the danger of the GQP’s candidates, and to not do things as they usually do, just because that’s how they usually do it. Idaho shows how it can be done.
Former Mississippi Governor Phil Bryant helped Brett Favre secure welfare funding for the USM volleyball stadium.
Meanwhile, the Justice Department’s criminal investigation is involved with virtually everything to do with Trump’s 2020 coup. Jamie Raskin doesn’t want any more coups to investigate. Peter Navarro will not get his investigation into his indictment for contempt of Congress.
Russia spent hundreds of millions on a secret global political campaign, which they might as well have thrown out a fifth story window.
It’s Wednesday, and we have KITM with David Waldman and Greg Dworkin! What more could you want? Good news! They have that too:
Ken Starr is heading to the precise place his virtue has always led him. Monica Lewinsky hopes everyone shows restraint in regard for those who loved him, on the outside chance there is any.
Just as dead, John Durham’s grand jury, and Donald Trump’s hopes for locking anyone up.
The FBI confiscated Mike Lindell’s cell phone at the drive through at Hardee’s… Really!
Donald Trump popping up on his golf course without clubs the other day seemed suspicious to many, but it might have been that was the time he did something innocent. Donald was just out with the several guys who get him coffee, and the one guy in charge of grounds.
Lindsey Graham, devoutly fervent zealous believer in — what day is it? — ardently supports a ~~state's right~~~~to~~ a federal abortion ban of how about... 15 weeks? Lindsey scored an own goal then ran out of the stadium with the ball. LEEEEEROYYYYYY JEENNNNKINNNSSSS!!!!
Democrats do seem to have the roementum going into Roevember. Of course, there’s plenty of work still to do, but from Connecticut to Pennsylvania, and through the bible belt, the Democratic party sees abortion rights the way the voters do. (Nancy Pelosi thinks they might… PICK UP seats.)
It might really be different for this election. Of course, this all depends on a rational electorate avoiding lunatic lawmakers… or at least enough voters recognizing the danger of the GQP’s candidates, and to not do things as they usually do, just because that’s how they usually do it. Idaho shows how it can be done.
Former Mississippi Governor Phil Bryant helped Brett Favre secure welfare funding for the USM volleyball stadium.
Meanwhile, the Justice Department’s criminal investigation is involved with virtually everything to do with Trump’s 2020 coup. Jamie Raskin doesn’t want any more coups to investigate. Peter Navarro will not get his investigation into his indictment for contempt of Congress.
Russia spent hundreds of millions on a secret global political campaign, which they might as well have thrown out a fifth story window.
David Waldman brings us the Tuesday KITM, filled with… everything we’ve come to expect in our Tuesday KITMs.
FPOTUS, MAGA King Donald Trump golfed without clubs yesterday, and not just metaphorically. The former guy wasn’t golfing, arrested, or even dead. The event most people are impatiently waiting for, I’m guessing, is Trump’s arrest, and Attorney General Merrick Garland is definitely putting the effort in. Donald is going to have a hard time putting a foursome together with the DOJ issuing 40 subpoenas in its January 6 probe. Trump operative Mike Roman is soon to spend time in the barrel or under the bus, now that he’s been fingered as the January 6 false elector bagman.
Also on Garland’s to-do list, finding a special master to look over Trump’s stolen documents. Pretty much the only way to “find “one would be to accept the special master Trump’s team proposed, therefore that’s what the Garland team did.
Michigan Republicans tried flouting the will of the people ahead of the November ballot, and it did not work, this time.
Joan McCarter tells us there isn’t an impending government shutdown heading our way. It seems that DC is all just too busy for that nonsense this time around. Ron Johnson will, or will not, vote for marriage equality, but it doesn’t really matter as Susan Collins is on the case. The Scott Brown political dynasty might be coming to an end with his wife, Gail Huff Brown, looking at a third-place primary finish.
David Waldman brings us the Tuesday KITM, filled with… everything we’ve come to expect in our Tuesday KITMs.
FPOTUS, MAGA King Donald Trump golfed without clubs yesterday, and not just metaphorically. The former guy wasn’t golfing, arrested, or even dead. The event most people are impatiently waiting for, I’m guessing, is Trump’s arrest, and Attorney General Merrick Garland is definitely putting the effort in. Donald is going to have a hard time putting a foursome together with the DOJ issuing 40 subpoenas in its January 6 probe. Trump operative Mike Roman is soon to spend time in the barrel or under the bus, now that he’s been fingered as the January 6 false elector bagman.
Also on Garland’s to-do list, finding a special master to look over Trump’s stolen documents. Pretty much the only way to “find “one would be to accept the special master Trump’s team proposed, therefore that’s what the Garland team did.
Michigan Republicans tried flouting the will of the people ahead of the November ballot, and it did not work, this time.
Joan McCarter tells us there isn’t an impending government shutdown heading our way. It seems that DC is all just too busy for that nonsense this time around. Ron Johnson will, or will not, vote for marriage equality, but it doesn’t really matter as Susan Collins is on the case. The Scott Brown political dynasty might be coming to an end with his wife, Gail Huff Brown, looking at a third-place primary finish.
David Waldman and Greg Dworkin get us past 9/11 in the best way, with a 9/12 show:
In the UK, they would like a moment or two of silence for the Royal Family… perhaps for another 50 or 100 years or so to get past their previous several hundred years of indecorous comportment.
The biggest news now is Russia, Russia, Russia! The line has finally moved in Ukraine, and it is following a lot of Russians in quick retreat. The highest-ranking Russian general killed in action so far, Roman Berdnikov was leading a charge to “inspire troops” … Songs will be sung of Russia’s glorious retreat this weekend, reminiscent of historic great Russian retreats. Russian media is having a harder time turning this around than their army. Come ride the Ferris wheel! The Russian situation all came suddenly for those not paying attention to everything that has been going on. Ukraine’s gains are significant, but unfortunately not yet the end.
So, what ever happened to “American” Russell Bentley, the dumbass of Donbass? So far, no one wants to waste the ammunition.
Donald Trump told aides he was never going to leave the White House. Donald might be sneaking into DC today to see if his keys still work. Trump has the greatest legal minds available (to him) working to settle the chaos he strewn in Mar-a-Lago. Is anything ever really “classified”, really? If only Donald had “his judge”, Hillary would have been locked up.
MAGA wants either the state or federal government to rule on abortion their way, whichever. Other voters who would like to have a say in things, are thinking of voting otherwise. Will it be enough? Don’t ask a pollster!
David Waldman and Greg Dworkin get us past 9/11 in the best way, with a 9/12 show:
In the UK, they would like a moment or two of silence for the Royal Family… perhaps for another 50 or 100 years or so to get past their previous several hundred years of indecorous comportment.
The biggest news now is Russia, Russia, Russia! The line has finally moved in Ukraine, and it is following a lot of Russians in quick retreat. The highest-ranking Russian general killed in action so far, Roman Berdnikov was leading a charge to “inspire troops” … Songs will be sung of Russia’s glorious retreat this weekend, reminiscent of historic great Russian retreats. Russian media is having a harder time turning this around than their army. Come ride the Ferris wheel! The Russian situation all came suddenly for those not paying attention to everything that has been going on. Ukraine’s gains are significant, but unfortunately not yet the end.
So, what ever happened to “American” Russell Bentley, the dumbass of Donbass? So far, no one wants to waste the ammunition.
Donald Trump told aides he was never going to leave the White House. Donald might be sneaking into DC today to see if his keys still work. Trump has the greatest legal minds available (to him) working to settle the chaos he strewn in Mar-a-Lago. Is anything ever really “classified”, really? If only Donald had “his judge”, Hillary would have been locked up.
MAGA wants either the state or federal government to rule on abortion their way, whichever. Other voters who would like to have a say in things, are thinking of voting otherwise. Will it be enough? Don’t ask a pollster!
Let’s start with something I have no grounding in, whatsoever! The death of the Queen of England, and “what it really means!”
The DOJ has filed again in the Perv-A-Lago ~~documents~~ espionage case. We do a little reading and commentary on the analysis of the government’s position. And on the judge in the case, too.
Remember the pandemic? It was kind of a big deal. And if you treat it as a joke, eventually you’ll find that the joke is on you.
A Republican House will be a disaster. A MAGA Republican House will be (at least) twice the disaster. Gop vows of “revenge” for Democratic oversight are not only misplaced because there’s no equivalency between what and how Dems probed, and what they’re planning. Some of us are old enough to remember when even talk of an equivalent reaction caused the political press to get the vapors, calling it “tit-for-tat,” and presumptively invalid on its face.
Friday radicalism: nullifying Dobbs.
Let’s start with something I have no grounding in, whatsoever! The death of the Queen of England, and “what it really means!”
The DOJ has filed again in the Perv-A-Lago ~~documents~~ espionage case. We do a little reading and commentary on the analysis of the government’s position. And on the judge in the case, too.
Remember the pandemic? It was kind of a big deal. And if you treat it as a joke, eventually you’ll find that the joke is on you.
A Republican House will be a disaster. A MAGA Republican House will be (at least) twice the disaster. Gop vows of “revenge” for Democratic oversight are not only misplaced because there’s no equivalency between what and how Dems probed, and what they’re planning. Some of us are old enough to remember when even talk of an equivalent reaction caused the political press to get the vapors, calling it “tit-for-tat,” and presumptively invalid on its face.
Friday radicalism: nullifying Dobbs.
Today, David Waldman and Greg Dworkin zap the PRAM, document the atrocities and smash the patriar...well, we might not get to all of the things on the agenda.
Queen Elizabeth II, the Queen who put the loooong in “Long live the Queen” has, after various concerns, false alarms and wild speculation this morning, passed away. You can be certain that they’ll have a dandy painting of her up quite shortly. It took a decade to get Barack & Michelle Obama’s portraits on display in the White House. Time will tell if we’re big enough saps to do that for Donald Trump. The Venetian republic figured that they wouldn’t paint a portrait of anyone without a head.
How did so many of America’s secrets end up at Mar-a-Lago? Why did Trump steal so many classified documents? There’s one way to find out, but now Merrick Garland has to pick which way to get there. Garland could welcome Cannon’s special master, or he could remove Cannon from the case. Of course, Republicans will retaliate for everything once they get a chance. They still owe Dems one for Teapot Dome.
More Americans see the stealing and stashing of government documents at Mar-a-Lago as illegal, as their opinions of MAGA are being revised from “deplorable” to “dangerous”. Joe Biden spoke the truth about Trump and MAGA, but Trump and MAGA are able to get the point across more effectively. Being MAGA and acting like Trump did not help Oath Keepers founder Stewart Rhodes delay his trial.
A Ron DeSantis crackdown on “election fraud” looks increasingly shaky, although it is working precisely the way Ron DeSantis wants it to. The Michigan GQP knows rules are for losers, and vise-versa. Nonetheless, Democrats are eking out success heading to November. It could be that things are getting better, or it could be because of women as usual.
Tucker and Vlad say Russia hasn’t lost a thing in Ukraine, except militarily and economically. Albania is the first known country to sever diplomatic ties over a cyberattack.
Today, David Waldman and Greg Dworkin zap the PRAM, document the atrocities and smash the patriar...well, we might not get to all of the things on the agenda.
Queen Elizabeth II, the Queen who put the loooong in “Long live the Queen” has, after various concerns, false alarms and wild speculation this morning, passed away. You can be certain that they’ll have a dandy painting of her up quite shortly. It took a decade to get Barack & Michelle Obama’s portraits on display in the White House. Time will tell if we’re big enough saps to do that for Donald Trump. The Venetian republic figured that they wouldn’t paint a portrait of anyone without a head.
How did so many of America’s secrets end up at Mar-a-Lago? Why did Trump steal so many classified documents? There’s one way to find out, but now Merrick Garland has to pick which way to get there. Garland could welcome Cannon’s special master, or he could remove Cannon from the case. Of course, Republicans will retaliate for everything once they get a chance. They still owe Dems one for Teapot Dome.
More Americans see the stealing and stashing of government documents at Mar-a-Lago as illegal, as their opinions of MAGA are being revised from “deplorable” to “dangerous”. Joe Biden spoke the truth about Trump and MAGA, but Trump and MAGA are able to get the point across more effectively. Being MAGA and acting like Trump did not help Oath Keepers founder Stewart Rhodes delay his trial.
A Ron DeSantis crackdown on “election fraud” looks increasingly shaky, although it is working precisely the way Ron DeSantis wants it to. The Michigan GQP knows rules are for losers, and vise-versa. Nonetheless, Democrats are eking out success heading to November. It could be that things are getting better, or it could be because of women as usual.
Tucker and Vlad say Russia hasn’t lost a thing in Ukraine, except militarily and economically. Albania is the first known country to sever diplomatic ties over a cyberattack.
It’s usually your lousy 5G, but today KITM World Headquarters was unable to speak to any masses due to power outages in our World Broadcast Headquarters and Halls of Justice, way out west. Cap’n David Waldman stayed the course, however, and above is the link to the parts you missed!
Greg Dworkin called in with the very latest out of the United Kingdom and Massachusetts. Maura Healey is on track to be the first woman as Governor of the “Ense Petit Placidam Sub Libertate Quietem” State. Abortion rights and broke Republicans are boosting Democratic chances here, there and everywhere.
Republicans are in disarray, but if you were them, you wouldn’t want to hang out with them either. Senator Richard Burr had his phone yoinked by the Justice Department. Couy Griffin managed to be the first public official since the Civil War to be banned from office by the 14th amendment. It’s been since 1910 that the motion to vacate the chair rule was used, but the loonies are itching to use it on Kevin McCarthy. Blake Masters will have to hide every word he’s uttered to get elected.
BOOM! In a nutshell, Donald Trump stole nuclear secrets and stashed at least some of them at Mar-a-Lago, where he then invited the very last people anyone would ever think of allowing around nuclear secrets. No biggie for Donald, the United States might be less secure now, but FPOTUS remains safe as always.
Even the lowest bushwacking outlaw understands the importance of finding the right judge, and Donald Trump has had his eye on Judge Aileen Cannon for quite a while. The two questions asked at Cannon’s confirmation hearing might not have been the vetting required. So, now the questions are being asked, perhaps a little late, maybe a lot late, but possibly not too late.
It’s usually your lousy 5G, but today KITM World Headquarters was unable to speak to any masses due to power outages in our World Broadcast Headquarters and Halls of Justice, way out west. Cap’n David Waldman stayed the course, however, and above is the link to the parts you missed!
Greg Dworkin called in with the very latest out of the United Kingdom and Massachusetts. Maura Healey is on track to be the first woman as Governor of the “Ense Petit Placidam Sub Libertate Quietem” State. Abortion rights and broke Republicans are boosting Democratic chances here, there and everywhere.
Republicans are in disarray, but if you were them, you wouldn’t want to hang out with them either. Senator Richard Burr had his phone yoinked by the Justice Department. Couy Griffin managed to be the first public official since the Civil War to be banned from office by the 14th amendment. It’s been since 1910 that the motion to vacate the chair rule was used, but the loonies are itching to use it on Kevin McCarthy. Blake Masters will have to hide every word he’s uttered to get elected.
BOOM! In a nutshell, Donald Trump stole nuclear secrets and stashed at least some of them at Mar-a-Lago, where he then invited the very last people anyone would ever think of allowing around nuclear secrets. No biggie for Donald, the United States might be less secure now, but FPOTUS remains safe as always.
Even the lowest bushwacking outlaw understands the importance of finding the right judge, and Donald Trump has had his eye on Judge Aileen Cannon for quite a while. The two questions asked at Cannon’s confirmation hearing might not have been the vetting required. So, now the questions are being asked, perhaps a little late, maybe a lot late, but possibly not too late.
Whew! What is that stench? Judge Aileen Cannon’s “special master” ruling sure smells “deeply problematic” to just about every expert out there. As usual, David Waldman is up for the job of picking through the incomprehensible swill to identify tiny fragments of jurisprudence floating about.
The good news, NPR informs us, is that Donald Trump will only be president four more years. Donald would be first to point out that this is fake news. One of the fake Trump electors brought four MAGA computer technicians with her for her data breach in a Georgia county election office.
As hoped, Joan McCarter popped in for the last half hour. National Democrats need to take the abortion fight all the way down on state ballots. National Republicans still need to deny election results. Reclaim Idaho claims to have helped reclaim Idaho by taxing the rich for education. A North Idaho library director resigned under pressure from extremists.
Whew! What is that stench? Judge Aileen Cannon’s “special master” ruling sure smells “deeply problematic” to just about every expert out there. As usual, David Waldman is up for the job of picking through the incomprehensible swill to identify tiny fragments of jurisprudence floating about.
The good news, NPR informs us, is that Donald Trump will only be president four more years. Donald would be first to point out that this is fake news. One of the fake Trump electors brought four MAGA computer technicians with her for her data breach in a Georgia county election office.
As hoped, Joan McCarter popped in for the last half hour. National Democrats need to take the abortion fight all the way down on state ballots. National Republicans still need to deny election results. Reclaim Idaho claims to have helped reclaim Idaho by taxing the rich for education. A North Idaho library director resigned under pressure from extremists.
Happy Labor Day!
Around this time last year, a different holiday kept me from the mic, but not from airing this pre-recorded, no-breaks episode.
Sadly, some of the stories from a year ago remain all too current. For instance...
Lunatics just don’t just end up at town halls and school board meetings on their own. National conservative groups and donors rile them, fund them and weaponize them, because they have long understood local extremists lead to national power. While Democrats fight for the procedures, norms, and rules, Republicans understand that procedure, norms and rules are whatever those in power deem them to be. Steve KG Bannon knows that a perfect complexion and white rule are only one reality away, just a snap of the finger for enough voting precincts. On the other end of the power spectrum, 5 Supreme Court justices can make the future, or the past, whatever they say it is. In fact, they don’t even have to bother to say anything.
Happy Labor Day!
Around this time last year, a different holiday kept me from the mic, but not from airing this pre-recorded, no-breaks episode.
Sadly, some of the stories from a year ago remain all too current. For instance...
Lunatics just don’t just end up at town halls and school board meetings on their own. National conservative groups and donors rile them, fund them and weaponize them, because they have long understood local extremists lead to national power. While Democrats fight for the procedures, norms, and rules, Republicans understand that procedure, norms and rules are whatever those in power deem them to be. Steve KG Bannon knows that a perfect complexion and white rule are only one reality away, just a snap of the finger for enough voting precincts. On the other end of the power spectrum, 5 Supreme Court justices can make the future, or the past, whatever they say it is. In fact, they don’t even have to bother to say anything.
David Waldman annotates our reading assignments for the weekend:
President Joe Biden appeared before our entire nation last night to address the Soul of our Nation. Well, most of our nation. If all you have are rabbit ears on your TV you might have missed out. Joe believes in the goodness of Americans, including most Republicans. Biden did single out that deplorable sub-group of “MAGA Republicans”, pro-insurrection, anti-democratic, anti-American and a danger to everyone. Republicans respond angrily. MAGA Republicans respond angrily-er. Give the corporate media a minute to figure out what the real offenses might be.
Much of this started with Newt Gingrich.
Michigan reveals anti-democracy in action when the largest number of signatures submitted for a ballot initiative in state history were rejected by the two Republicans on the election board.
The DOJ filed a detailed property inventory on the items seized at Mar-a-lago. Donald Trump never trusted anyone else with classified documents and had to take care of unloading them all himself. He was almost finished when the present President of the United States decided he had executive privilege over his remaining stock.
David Waldman annotates our reading assignments for the weekend:
President Joe Biden appeared before our entire nation last night to address the Soul of our Nation. Well, most of our nation. If all you have are rabbit ears on your TV you might have missed out. Joe believes in the goodness of Americans, including most Republicans. Biden did single out that deplorable sub-group of “MAGA Republicans”, pro-insurrection, anti-democratic, anti-American and a danger to everyone. Republicans respond angrily. MAGA Republicans respond angrily-er. Give the corporate media a minute to figure out what the real offenses might be.
Much of this started with Newt Gingrich.
Michigan reveals anti-democracy in action when the largest number of signatures submitted for a ballot initiative in state history were rejected by the two Republicans on the election board.
The DOJ filed a detailed property inventory on the items seized at Mar-a-lago. Donald Trump never trusted anyone else with classified documents and had to take care of unloading them all himself. He was almost finished when the present President of the United States decided he had executive privilege over his remaining stock.
It’s Tuesday, known as Joan McCarter Day here on KITM, as that is the day Joan McCarter is usually available to talk with us. Who would miss a chance to talk with Joan McCarter? Certainly not David Waldman, and he did not.
Hear ye! FPOTUS requires us to hold a new election NOW! (Thursday’s also good for him) QAnon has taken over Truth Social, where Donald Trump is almost as big as JFK jr. and probably twice as talkative. Donald’s back to stoking the mob, who are ecstatic, bloodthirsty and ready to get back to mobbing asap. Trump promises to unleash locker room talk about everybody’s momma if provoked. It will be a nice day when they throw Donald out of Truth Social.
Trump is not in a hurry to go to jail and is packing a legal “clod” of the trusty-est attorneys to ever be found on TV or the sides of busses in his neighborhood. The National Archives are almost like a library; therefore, the stolen documents are almost like overdue, top-secret books. The lawyer who came up with that idea deserves to be incarcerated last.
Trump’s hand-picked judge is putting in a lot of effort to help Donald, probably because she knows no amount of effort can save him.
Mitch McConnell is not impressed with his misfit midterm candidates but is stuck fundraising for the lowest in the bargain bin. Kevin McCarthy has slightly better chances but even loonier candidates. Both should be thankful they don’t have Doug Mastriano.
Tony Ornato, name dropped throughout the January 6 hearings, is retiring.
An attractive young woman shows up at Mar-a-lago claiming to be an heiress, Donald isn’t turning that down. Especially when she says her name is Rothschild. His dad used to talk about them all the time.
Happy belated birthday wishes for David Waldman and Armando! August 25, now that’s a day for a birthday. My birthday, however, is today.
The Justice Department made a redacted version of the Mar-a-Lago affidavit public today… but it wasn’t during the show. Read up on it and you tell us how it went. Yesterday was Bill Barr’s memo obstructing the prosecution of Donald Trump for obstruction which relied on covering up the ongoing Roger Stone conspiracy investigation. Tom Fitton told Donald he could keep the documents.
Ryan Zinke is running for congress and should be doing so from a jail cell.
FPOTUS’s Truth Social, SNAFU from the outset, is now FUBAR.
A Florida couple pleaded guilty to stealing Ashley Biden's diary. At least they took $40,000 out of Project Veritas. Laura Loomer lost a Republican primary in a Republican district in a Republican state, which makes her a congresswoman now. A network of Sheriffs plan to enforce the fraud into the vote next time. Who radicalizes our children into MAGA? They have groomers.
Every Republican candidate thinks they’re Glenn Youngkin.
It’s back to school time for Uvalde survivors, while the parents of those who didn’t go to court.
Everybody’s talking about the little local thing, by which I mean student loan relief, whether they’re happy about it or not. But perhaps you should have a look at some of the people who aren’t happy, and loudest about it. Meanwhile, here’s a reminder of the historical reasons for skyrocketing tuition (and therefore, student debt). The impact of this Republican meddling has repercussions beyond student debt, that shape our world today.
Republican policies, which suck, are very unpopular. It is their hope that money, which is very popular, can fix this for them. Meanwhile, the Biden administration keeps pouring it on.
In TFG “news,” he hates McConnell. And Perv-A-Lago was the real Comet Pizza all along. The Barr memo is out! TFG’s lawyers still suck at law. And Jan. 6 co-conspirator Scott Perry’s hoping for a miracle.
Excitement about the aim and impact of the greenhouse gas emissions provisions of the IRA may have been premature.
Everybody’s talking about the little local thing, by which I mean student loan relief, whether they’re happy about it or not. But perhaps you should have a look at some of the people who aren’t happy, and loudest about it. Meanwhile, here’s a reminder of the historical reasons for skyrocketing tuition (and therefore, student debt). The impact of this Republican meddling has repercussions beyond student debt, that shape our world today.
Republican policies, which suck, are very unpopular. It is their hope that money, which is very popular, can fix this for them. Meanwhile, the Biden administration keeps pouring it on.
In TFG “news,” he hates McConnell. And Perv-A-Lago was the real Comet Pizza all along. The Barr memo is out! TFG’s lawyers still suck at law. And Jan. 6 co-conspirator Scott Perry’s hoping for a miracle.
Excitement about the aim and impact of the greenhouse gas emissions provisions of the IRA may have been premature.
It’s Monday, and here’s David Waldman and Greg Dworkin with a new KITM. Don’t dawdle, hit play and listen, we’re not getting any younger you know.
Republicans feel like they’ll win, Democrats feel like they’ll lose, and while that will never change, the chances that both are wrong have increased recently. Democrats are finally getting more enthusiastic, and gubernatorial polling is giving them good reason to be. Of course, all of this is great news for Trump somehow. It’s not that Trump voters aren’t incapable of change, it’s just that you dying first sounds like a better idea somehow.
Sure, Ron DeSantis seems like a tough guy, but he hasn’t had the National Guard mow down any civilians yet, has he? Ohio puts a lot of states to shame, in the many ways they have found to put themselves to shame. The Ohio Constitution isn’t even a speedbump for Ohio Republicans, nor is the will of the people. Is the deadline for congressional redistricting a myth? It doesn’t matter, they can wait for a new Supreme Court, maybe longer.
Kansas recounted their abortion rights votes because they just couldn’t believe it. Republicans thought they killed Joe Biden’s health care and climate bill... Who’s sleepy now?
It’s fresh summer quash time for Lindsey Graham. The DOJ must release a full copy of Bill Barr’s memo on the Mueller Russia report that Barr managed to release so quickly, as he already had it mostly written. Kash Patel vowed to publish classified documents out of Mar-a-Lago weeks before the FBI arrived.
It’s Tuesday! Uncork a fine PA Niagara, warsh down a fistful of crudité, and kick back and tune in to David Waldman and Joan McCarter.
Merrick Garland thought long and hard about searching Mar-a-Lago and he’s not about to throw it all away because of a whiney, lying perp. Republicans remind us, "When the president thinks it, that means it is not illegal"
Trump’s lucky they only took three of his passports. Cambridge Analytica made billions selling passports and citizenships throughout the Caribbean. Dominicans now wonder “Where De Money Gone”.
Voter-fraud disciples waited on their hilltop for their saucer to take them home, but they were passed by again. If they only asked Lee Zeldin, he’d show them plenty. Georgia fights for their democracy, reeling in Lindsey Graham. Like Lindsey, Rudy Giuliani knows he’s been a bad, bad, boy, and is sweating a lot of whatever he sweats. Cattle baron Devin Nunes can’t avoid giving the DOJ the whole truth anymore. Yet another Trump White House lawyer, Eric Herschmann, has been called to the principal’s office.
In Wisconsin they are two elections away from sealing off the state from the GQP’s arch enemy, democracy. (Ohio eradicated that a generation ago.) Trump lawyers and tech firm SullivanStrickler copied voting machine data, ruining voting systems in key swing states.
Joan went on vacation and returned to find her in-box overflowing with good news. Democrats are winning and President Joe Biden and they plan to share that good news with voters heading to the election. Republicans promise this will end as soon as they are back in power.
David Waldman decided it was probably best to hold off on our KITM OnlyFans page, determining that this part of the franchise is probably enough of a challenge at this time:
The people thinking that Donald Trump would only steal the White House silverware have found they underestimated him again. The DOJ is certain that laws were broken, but just any idiot can pilfer classified information, and Donald Trump isn’t just any idiot. Donald needed only about an hour and a half to commit all nuclear secrets to memory, but the FBI believed he still had a few boxes left over at Mar-a-Lago. In reply, Trump shouted “Nuclear weapons is a hoax!” between cheeseburgers. In reply to that, Merrick Garland said “put up or shut up”. Then things got really quiet.
Lindsay Graham and Mike Turner are rushing to move the goalposts. Fox News and friends ask, “What about Chappaquiddick?” Tuck’s on vacation, so Brian Kilmeade guest-jerked with fake pictures of U.S. Magistrate Judge Bruce Reinhart, the judge that the Right most wants to kill. (Even before they found out he was Jewish.) The police force that the Right most wants to kill is the FBI, therefore a January 6 insurrectionist decided to Leeroy Jenkins his local FBI office.
Some rats want to make it clear that they are swimming away. John Bolton feels that generally, most of the FBI don’t deserve to be taken out. Ari Fleisher just can’t see why a nice guy like the former guy would do such a thing, unless he was doing a really bad thing.
Thursday! David Waldman + Greg Dworkin, again, for KITM³, Fifth Amendment Edition:
President Joe Biden’s beautiful week continues his string of successes. Inflation is flat as a tabletop. Joe and Jon teamed up to get health care for veterans exposed to burn pits. Meanwhile, Republican’s assault on women’s rights have reminded voters why they voted for Biden in the first place and have arrayed the Democratic party like they haven’t been arrayed before...
So, let’s talk about Donald Trump’s mendacious thuggish depravity as if it was 2015, shall we? Donald took the 5th over 400 times yesterday, as he learned the need for it back when he took the 5th almost 100 times in 1990. Also, the FBI searched the business that he’s been squatting at on and off since 1993. Trump claims that he’s the victim of tactics he once deployed, which just happens to be his very favorite tactic to deploy.
Chief lookout Marco Rubio wants to know why he wasn’t given a heads up on the search plans, and Tucker Carlson was on vacation where he couldn’t speak to a troubled nation. If only someone knew in advance this all would happen! (Psst… Someone did...) The truth is, these are not very bright guys, and there is substantial public interest in this matter, so...
The GQP is gripped with anger and fear, even more than usual, because once the law is applied to someone like Donald Trump, it’s only a matter of time before laws start applying to other people... maybe even THEM, and that’s a line that can never be crossed. If this was only a Republican banana republic, this kind of thing would have never happened, because Hillary Clinton, AOC and Barack Obama would have been dealt with long ago. Of course, Alexander Vindman was handled, and plans are now in place for everyone from Eric Swalwell through the FBI.
Two Indiana officers arrested a man for not being sufficiently pro-police.
It’s Wednesday, when David Waldman + Greg Dworkin = KITM².
Biden’s back baby! Another brilliant day in the illustrious Joe Biden presidency. You know what we end up talking about though, don’t you? The criminality of the former guy, which we’ve been talking about for six, maybe forty years. We probably don’t know a ton more about the FBI search of Mar-a-Lago either. We do know it couldn’t have happened without a lot of careful consideration and signoffs. We know Trump gave them plenty of valid reasons, big and small to make a search. And, we know this is nothing like Hillary’s emails. If it were, Republicans and the corporate media sure would be handling it differently.
Of course, there is one person who knows the truth, one person who can easily come forward and clear this up. And, that one person is named Trump.
In return, Republicans declare war. War on the rule of law. War on democracy. War on the Constitution. But that’s nothing new. About a dozen members of the GQP are running for election on their ability and desire to destroy the US. In yesterday’s elections Trump got almost all of his Trumpers in, and another impeacher out. Robin Vos, the longest-serving speaker in Wisconsin history barely held onto his office. Megan McCain may be no Liz Cheney, but she’s sane enough to see how insane this all is for her party. You got to hope all of this makes the voter’s decisions easier.
It’s jobs day! Which means we had a job ahead of us: finishing out the KITM week.
It also means that it’s the job of talking head Republicans to declare America a hellhole, no matter what the actual jobs numbers are.
We’re still not done talking about the Kansas miracle. And neither are Republicans. They’re trying to come to grips with what happened, but it’s not clear they can help themselves. So they might have to go back to their court-packing tricks after all.
Psst! Have you heard that Newt Gingrich is a dick? (But he’s not the only one, of course.)
For instance, private equity is a bit of a dick, too.
And of course, so is TFG, whose loyalist henchmen are always hard at “work,” trying to use the electoral system to stay out of prison.
FInally, because you’ll have a couple extra hours to sleep in over the weekend, you won’t mind having this bit of nightmare fodder from Ukraine.
It’s the Wednesday following a big voting Tuesday! David Waldman brings Greg Dworkin, who brings the polls to their affable scrutiny:
What’s the matter with Kansas? Have they found their minds? Kansans overwhelmingly rejected a proposed state constitutional amendment that would end their state’s protections for abortion. If this can be done in Kansas, it can be done in your state. The key was Dem turnout, motivated independents, and perhaps a few confused Republicans.
The threat to abortion rights is propelling voters to the polls, tightening the races in the reddest of states, and is illuminating how extremist the Right has become on all issues. Young voters might definitely probably vote this time!
Republican whack-a-doodles didn’t just leave the field, however. Yesterday Donald Trump won a few, which means he won huge and bigly. Rusty Bowers would have voted for another Trump run as Arizona House Speaker, now he will have to vote unemployed. Kris Kobach didn’t care about the law as Kansas Secretary of State. He’s coming back to care even less. Mark Finchem, Oath Keeper, Q-nutter, seditionist, plans to decertify Arizona’s 2020 election. Fellow Arizonan Blake Masters makes Mark Finchem look like a hippy. In Michigan, the fourth-place gubernatorial candidate will not concede to the first-place finisher, who won on being an election denier.
RIP, Nichelle Nichols & Vin Scully.
It’s TWOs-day! 08/02/2022! David Waldman won’t mention the 8 if you don’t.
It’s Impeachment Revenge Tuesday for Donald Trump, who is promoting Big Liars in Arizona, Kansas, Michigan and Missouri, where Trump actually endorsed Eric for probably the very first time.
Georgians can take their guns wherever, and nobody wants that at an outdoor concert. In Chicago, the hotel across the street from the Lollapalooza concert didn’t want to see any guests standing in the windows.
Osama bin Laden’s boss Ayman al-Zawahiri was seen standing in window and look what it got him.
Capitol rioter Guy Reffitt gets more than 7 years for his crimes on January 6, which adds up to life for the guy who sent him there.
The PACT Act is the ”Promise to Address Comprehensive Toxics” bill, and President Joe Biden promised veterans “As long as I have a breath in me, we’re going to fight to get this done”. Now, that right there is a good enough reason for Republicans to vote against it. Any other reason the GQP would come up withat this time is, of course, Buulllshiiit. But... let’s talk about mandatory vs. discretionary spending, as that is the Buulllshiiit the corporate media has been accepting in this debate.
What can you do when your policies are rejected, every institution is against you, and you don’t have the votes to prevail? Install a 6-3 Supreme Court in your favor? Nah, that’s been done... How about throwing out the Constitution and writing your own? Why not! Sure beats secession, when you get to keep all the good stuff!
David Waldman and Greg Dworkin begin the month and the week and maybe the day too, depending on when you get up, with another fine KITM:
Jon Stewart is used to the hypocrisy and the cowardice of the Senate, but somehow missed out on the cruelty Republicans are capable of, and how much fun they have doing it. Jon got a lot of personal tutoring over the weekend and has turned out to be a quick learner.
Election denying could only take Kari Lake so far in running for election in Arizona. Therefore, Lake demands that her previous demands are reversed, as well as how people vote and how votes are counted until whatever she needs, she gets. It’s in the Constitution, look it up! And if it isn’t, Republicans will just write a new Constitution, so that their Supreme Court doesn’t need to work so hard. The only thing that could possibly slow them down is reality, and they kicked its ass years ago.
Donald Trump proved that what he says and what is never need be connected. And if one day Jackie Paper comes no more… well, that just can’t happen. There’ll always be more.
There are calls for classroom cameras so that Kindergarten teachers can be better judged on their shooting prowess. A professor didn’t need a classroom to shoot his student.
In the real world Dems plow ahead, inflation is dropping, gas prices are dropping, and voters seem to be catching up to things. Michigan is bracing for primary election shenanigans tomorrow.
It doesn’t get more real than Ukraine, and rust never sleeps.
David Waldman and... Greg Dworkin’s raft of stories... and, even haiku.
Surprise! Joe Manchin, Chuck Schumer, and the White House have reached a sweeping, $740 billion reconciliation deal. Manchin must have finally tired of jerking around Schumer and the Democrats, and decided to play with Mitch McConnell and the Republicans instead. Historic climate, tax and healthcare legislation now awaits Joe Biden andKyrsten Sinema’s signoff. Mitch and the gang of course vow revenge, which is the one thing they’re usually good at. Perhaps not this time, as Democrats have no-brainer votes and Republicans are attempting no-brainer attacks.
For instance, chip makers’ stocks have rallied as the Senate voted to advance the U.S. chip infrastructure bill. Kevin McCarthy said some stuff, then Barack Obama tweeted, and really… is there a comparison?
The Department of Justice obtained a new warrant to search John Eastman’s phone, which they couldn’t do unless they have something really good on something really bad.
The DOJ is investigating Donald Trump, which you know is just like something Vladimir Putin would do. Putin would probably be a little quicker about it, however. Trump says he’s going to sue CNN, which is a big lie. Republicans are just about ready to move on to some new grifter.
Voters are moving on from Republicans and taking their donations with them. Some more wins for Biden should move a few more. Trump has millions in donations, isn’t spending them on the midterms, but hasn’t figured out how to take it with him. J.D. Vance wishes people would just hand him money for doing nothing.
Republicans block VA healthcare and disability benefits. They prefer soldiers who die quicker. General Mark Milley went to Mike Pence on January 6 because he needed someone man enough to make a decision, and Mike was better than nothing.
David returns to California’s new gun control law, which is patterned after Texas’ anti-abortion law. 19 people accidentally shot themselves in the last 30 days in Indianapolis, because there are a lot of guns in Indianapolis.
David Waldman returns to the airwaves for a Tuesday KITM! He pretty much had to; David isn’t going to let down all of us tuning in, including recent donors, “Stephen Miller” and “William Barr”, who help keep him in his Persian tea habit… Okay, that sums up the first half hour of the show.
The other three half hours were devoted to the legislation reforming the Electoral Count Act of 1887, led bySusan Collins and Joe Manchin. Those jamoches are reason enough to suspect that bill, or at least its bipartisan bona fides. However, times being what they are, with Donald Trump plotting to blow up the Constitution, and United States democracy set for demolition whoever runs, we need whatever help we can get.
Is it possible for this bill to make things even worse than a second Trump term? Uhm, no, although it does pay to get things right. Marc Elias and Norm Eisen have concerns and suggestions. Mark Warner, on the committee writing the legislation, believes they’ve done a fine job.
While we’re fixing things, how about we lose state senates and trade them out for50 majority-rule unicameral state legislatures?
It’s Monday, and that means David Waldman and Greg Dworkin have plenty of news and information for us to digest, so best get chewing:
We didn't really have a president for a few years prior to 2020, and it was especially noticeable on January 6, 2021. That was the day Mike Pence became Commander in Chief, one of many things Mike Pence really wasn’t qualified to do that day.
17.7 million watched Thursday’s Jan. 6 hearing, essential viewing for Americans, required for all Fox News employees producing their bizarro version this week. Now however, Rupert Murdoch might be summoning his troopers to the light side... or maybe just a different dark side.
The dark side is strong at “Restoring Integrity and Trust in Elections”, founded byWilliam Barr and Karl Rove. (Henry Kissinger and Dick Cheney feel their energy growing.) Conservatives convince themselves that now is the time to strike back, before liberals strike first… or something... Whatever. Once they got it, it’s theirs. Nazis still don’t want Jewish people around, even if they’re helping them get raptured. The Secret Service needs to be broken up and sent to jail before they find a president they really like.
There’s nothing conservative about climate change, although the only conservatives really interested in it are the ones who will live long enough to care.
The Greg Abbott - Beto O’Rourke fight for Governor of Texas is tightening. The Marco Rubio - Pete Buttigieg fight is escalating, mostly because they hate each other. The Russia - Ukraine fight is still raging, even as Putin's rule is weakening. Russia has added Guernsey to their “list”.
Remember Madison Cawthorn? Chick-fil-A and Papa’s & Beer do have fond memories, his donors, not so much.
Need to buy a “Thoughts and Prayers” card for a shooting victim, but with less prayer and more thought? Here you go.
Our first Friday-that-feels-like-a-Thursday show! Yes, Greg Dworkin came by to relieve his withdrawal symptoms, and of course, to update us on the latest January 6th committee hearing.
Seems the focus of last night’s hearing was Trump’s dereliction of duty. We all knew about that, but they did keep things fresh, and we learned a lot along the way. Maybe one of the biggest losers of the evening: Josh Hawley, now being ferociously mocked for his incredible shows of both hypocrisy and cowardice.
Also not faring well: Kevin McCarthy, and unrelated to last night, Lindsey Graham.
Some Republicans (and ex-Republicans) say they’ve had enough. But not Trump! He’s still at it, and even continues with his plans for how to make things even worse if he’s given another chance.
Round one of Electoral Count Act reform is on, and there are some good suggestions, and some pushback, too. And even some pushback on the pushback. But when you’re dealing with a lawless party, you’re limited in what the law can do for you.
You see, there’s different kinds of “live”: there’s sort of live, mostly live, and all live. This KITM here, it’s only sort of live, and only an hour long... David Waldman is ALL LIVE tomorrow, but in the meantime enjoy this demiKITM with just a twist of live, pulled to perfection.
A bad country with guns can only be stopped with a cosplay army with guns. It says it right in the Constitution. Rep Jamie Raskin, D-MD ruined everything by actually reading the document to the people who believe the difference between the good guy and a bad guy is who draws first. Andy Biggs, R-AZ sees Parkland shooting survivor David Hogg as the real insurrectionist who interrupted him with facts and logic.
Peter Navarro’s aide Garrett Ziegler points out that the January 6 Committee are anti-white racist Bolshevists, and that women testifying are anti-Christian whores, in case you were wondering who would vote for GQP nominated candidates in Maryland. Dan Cox has the support of Qanon, Donald Trump and Dems with money who would like to see a true lunatic on the R ticket. Michael Peroutka nabbed the nomination for Attorney General but is still pretty sore about how the Civil War turned out. Jefferson Davis would consider Michael to be a little “out there”.
Sometimes, you get the KITM you want. Sometimes, you get the KITM you deserve. Today, David Waldman and Greg Dworkin have a two for one deal for you:
People are still going to jail because of January 6… well actually because of their criminal actions that day. These people look uncomfortably like our neighbors, in fact. Well, with the exception of the big guy who sent them all on their crime sprees. It will take a lot to send the Donald to the Mar-a-Lago with guard towers. If anybody can do it, it will be Fulton County, Georgia, who just added Representative Jody Hice to those subpoenaed.
The Secret Service destroyed text messages they sent to each other around January 6. Officials explained that it was a perfectly innocent occurrence that happens from time to time around there… Wait! The Secret Service reports they have located exactly one message and forwarded it right over to the January 6 Committee.
The horse race in Britain has become a dance off with either Rishi Sunak or Liz Truss as the next UK Prime Minister. Finally! Now one of them can take care of that heat wave over there!
Over here, heat wave or red wave, it’s the Democrat’s fault. The midterms are all their fault, including any Republicans running, especially them. Trump-backed Dan Cox will win his primary, probably because Dems, as will Trump-backed David Farnsworth in Arizona. A Senate candidate with two aliases accused of making child trafficking allegations, is running in Maryland... and who would have ever heard of the Republican running for Governor in Michigan if it wasn’t for his FBI record? Democrats thought Herschel Walker was going to be a pushover but then came his long-awaited pivot.
The courtroom filled with tears as witnesses testified about the students slaughtered in the gun massacre in Parkland, Florida’s Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School — one of the schools with mass-shooting murders of students before the mass-shooting murders at Uvalde, Texas’ Robb Elementary School. The man in the Galleria Mall in Houston, Texas had an AR-15 with 120 rounds of ammo but was arrested before anyone could find out whether he was a gunman, or only a “gun man”. Perhaps he was recently robbed, and was over at the mall hunting down the perp. In Denver, Colorado, police may have seen a gun pointed their way, and therefore fired into a crowd, injuring 6. You never know, one of those people probably was armed.
Good news, both David Waldman and Joan McCarter set their alarms for KITM o’clock today!
The January 6 Prime Time Committee hearings will have at least 2 more disillusioned Trump White House aides, Mathew Pottinger and Sarah Matthews, testifying on Thursday. The Committee’s intent is always to leave us wanting more, which is fine as long as they can keep coming back. Merrick Garland doesn’t want to make waves before the election, which is fine as long as he is actually planning to after the election.
Democrats voted to protect access to abortion on Friday, and the Biden administration is stepping in to remind pharmacies that withholding birth control is illegal. The forced birther nightmare is just beginning, however.
The heat is breaking records in Britain and throughout Europe. It’s pretty hot in the US as well. The AC in Joe Manchin’s Maserati and yacht is just fine, thanks for asking. Chuck Schumer is only Senate Leader, not a coal mine board director, so why should Manchin listen to him? No Democrat has time to make deals with Mitch McConnell with all of the federal judicial positions vacant... If only they had time to fill a few SCOTUS seats too.
A constitutional crisis brews in Pennsylvania, with three counties still refusing to certify accurate results. Ohio’s Supreme Court says Ohio’s GQP-backed congressional map is unconstitutional, but they said that last election also. (The Constitution never stops Ohio Republicans.) The Associated Press officially found no problems with ballot boxes and of course no conservative F’s will be given. The Wisconsin Supreme Court says ballot drop boxes are just like North Korea and Syria. Jimmy Carter and James Baker will tell you that the Electoral Count act needs reform, but former North Carolina Chief Justice Mark Martin (No, not the NASCAR driver) was the guy who told Donald Trump that Mike Pence could overturn the election, and lawyer William Olson (No, not the director of 1986’s Rockin’ Road Trip) told Trump to declare martial law. The January 6 mob wasn’t just hunting for Pelosi and Pence, they wanted to destroy ballots too. Sure, there were copies, but who’d believe that?
It’s Monday! But it’s not just any Monday, but a KITM Monday! And that gets you David Waldman and Greg Dworkin and tranches and rafts and other loads of information and such!
Things are heating up in the UK! Tories despise each other and yet are very boring in their hatred. They sure miss Donald Tr… Boris Johnson now!
Things are heating up in the UK! Fahrenheit or Celsius, 43 degrees is not beach weather, and one day 40C will seem cool. Meanwhile, Britain’s idea of hurricane weather reporters throw themselves into the sun.
The big finale of everyone’s favorite True Crime series, the January 6 Committee Hearings is this Thursday, prime time… But wait! There’s more! Season Two has been greenlighted through the Fall sweeps. Steve KG Bannon promises to be a memorable villain, but there are many more criminals to still introduce, including old favorites like Rudy Giuliani, Mike Flynn, special guest Maria Butina and of course the whole Secret Service gang.
Donald Trump hopes to hole up in the Oval Office again and might need to throw the Republican midterms under the bus in order to get one more chance at finally keeling over someplace where the toilets have lids. The problem for Donald is the Republicans are planning on tossing him under said bus.
Voters under 35 want to shake things up in America, but most just find it hard to find a voting booth. Libertarians have always been annoying, but now they’re insufferable. John Fetterman succeeds because John Fetterman will be better for his constituents.
A gunman killed 3 in an Indiana mall. A gun man killed him. That equals 4. No word yet on how many good guys were in the mall at the time. Uvalde, Texas had around 400 non-civilian armed good guys standing by to listen to a guy shoot students and teachers, while discouraging loiterers.
An armed society is a polite society isn’t just an aphorism to the guy holding a gun.
If your self-worth is based on your self-image of being a “Christian”, but you realize that your actions aren’t Christian, then you only have two choices - to turn your back on your faith, or, to turn your back on the truth. Republicans do both. Tucker Carlson, who is the devil, has become their hypocrisy salvation. Rape and Incest rely upon 10-year-old girls who don't get pregnant and keep their mouths shut, but you know sometimes the unforeseen happens and people die. Therefore, no abortion. Not from rape or incest. And, no adoption.
David Waldman gets us over the month-hump today. It’s all downhill from here!
As you are aware, conservatives are famously disinterested in children once they aren’t embryos, but that a child containing an embryo makes them go quite berserk. The right-wing spent the last few days covering up the rape of a 10-year-old girl... out of habit. Racism is usually the right’s friend in times like these, but they found their lynch mob would be more efficiently aimed at the doctors involved. That so far has been a miscalculation on their part, therefore the plan now seems to be letting this one blow over and remembering to shut victims up earlier. An anti-abortionist testified to Eric Swalwell that abortion isn't abortion if carrying a baby would “impact the mother’s life”, which would be great news if it wasn’t a lie. What isn’t abortion is medical care after miscarriage or ectopic pregnancy.
Joe Manchin is the boss of us all. Unfortunately, oil and gas are his bosses, and you, the Democratic party, and the future of the world aren’t his priorities, and never will be.
The US Secret Service erased text messages from January 5 and 6, 2021, after being specifically told to hold on to them. Rudy’s heading out to Ukraine to look at the servers.
Corrections: Antifascist anarchist BLM Biden supporters apparently did not burn down a Trumper’s camper, police and insurance investigators report. Antifascist anarchist pro-union legislationists might not have used Republican Nancy Mace’s own handwriting to graffiti her property. Richmond, Virginia police did not use teargas to save officers, they did it for fun.
Sri Lankan president Gotabaya Rajapaksa has fled the country, and the Prime Minister gave the military free rein to “restore order”. When the end comes, it is always violent and nasty, except for the pool parties.
David Waldman returns today from his local tour of giant statues honoring intermediate presidents, including a quick stop at the Senator Robert A. Taft Carillon. Not yet installed: The Senator Ted Cruz Swine Pavillion, and Senator Josh Hawley Transphobia Odeum.
KITM Anglophiles, Yankee Brexiteers and Boris haters have questions, and Greg Dworkin is here with the answers, and the polls!
Update: The Republican story on the 10-year-old Ohio girl raped and pregnant first was "It's all a lie!", then, "Maybe she's a slut?", then, "Oh, so her rapist was an illegal alien!", to "We should probably execute her doctor." Stay tuned!
The Herald-Tribune do have standards but can’t help it if their writers’ are too low, or their readers’ are too high. Fairfax County police drew guns on a juvenile recording on smartphone, because no one knows more than cops just how much pain those things can cause.
It turns out that Mark Meadows caused all those bad things on January 6. Could Steven KG Bannon and Donald Trump be partially to blame for not reigning him in when they had the chance? Lindsey Graham, Juris Doctor, gets law-schooled. The Proud Boys, QAnon and The Oath Keepers all went where they were aimed. Senators in both parties who want to prevent the next Jan. 6 are not waiting for the select panel’s verdict.
It’s Wednesday, but it wasn't when this episode first aired, a year ago. But back then, David Waldman remembered to invite Joan McCarter, and she remembered what they were going to talk about. Yay!
Did you know that Donald Trump was a deluded low-intelligence big-mouthed sociopath during his administration? There is new evidence supporting this in two new books out, I Alone Can Fix It: Donald J. Trump's Catastrophic Final Year and Landslide: The Final Days of the Trump Presidency. David reads and comments on an excerpt from I Alone Can Fix It. That’s the one with Trump flirting with martial law to keep the presidency. The other one has Eric Trump picking a fight with math and Rudy Giuliani with the plan that Trump just claim he won... or was that in the first book? Which one reveals Trump wanting to execute whoever snitched about his hiding in his little bunker? Oh, that was a third book, Frankly, We Did Win This Election: The Inside Story of How Trump Lost!
This is only the start on these books. There’s plenty more material out there. We are just getting to the “Stop the Steal” era! Although, we might not have the Kracken to kick around anymore, once the Eastern District of Michigan is through with their sanction hearing.
The Trump Organization isn’t sure of what you mean by “chief financial officer Allen Weisselberg”, there’s no one there by that name.
Catching COVID is now the hot thing in red states. Only RINOs don’t get on respirators, or allow people the freedom to get on respirators, in those states.
U.S. investigators have arrived in Haiti to aid in the Moïse assassination case, as there is a noticeable Venn diagram overlap between Haiti suspects and DEA informants.
Greg Abbott’s posse turned away at the Texas border having failed at rounding up the Democrats who plan to stay away for a few weeks to block Abbott’s voter suppression bill.
Senate Democrats and White House officials are meeting today to talk spending and revenue targets, budget resolution and reconciliation instructions. Chuck Schumer might shorten the Senate’s August break to address the bipartisan infrastructure bill, which means Republicans need to step up their delaying process. Joe Biden continues nominating a diverse slate of federal judges at a rapid pace, but that can’t fix the Supreme Court who are slated to be much worse next session. SCOTUS isn’t as bad as Donald Trump wanted them to be, and after all he did for them, too!
Today, the January 6 Select Committee meets again for the 7th installment of their hit true crime series. In fact, they are meeting as I type this. David Waldman preps us for today’s hearings, therefore you owe it to yourself to tune in. Pause the hearings or run the subtitles, multitask for America!
Fox News doesn’t need to watch today’s hearings, they already know where they’re going with this. The rest of us need a scorecard to keep all of our terrorists, warlords, and violent militias apart. Of course, they’re all slightly different flavors of the same kind of people ready to kill to win an argument. Are these groups really “all that bad” though? After all, some are good God-fearing, married men, love their kids, support their communities, and could be possible role models outside of the brutal traitorous insurrection. Imagine if Donald Trump actually led them down the Senate halls. Worse yet, imagine if Trump didn’t need the mob.
Oh no, it’s Monday again! David Waldman and Greg Dworkin will help us get through it, like they always do, with political insight, tips on how to freeze your brain, freeze your Mac, and discover the wildest Rumspringa break destinations!
Meanwhile, in the UK, with Boris Johnson gone, or whatever he is, everyone is freer to say what a dolt Boris was from the get-go. The horse race is off, with a lot of horses running in a lot of directions.
The midterm elections here may not be a sweep for Republicans if literally anyone else has a say in them. The general public is finding fewer reasons to like Republicans, and the GQP is finding less reason to like the general public. Still, seditionists like seditionists, and liars like liars, so maybe there’s no logic or sense that can sway a base devoted to fascist lunatics. Or this could be the year conservatives look in the mirror and reject the pathetic cowards and sycophants in their midst. Nah, probably not. They now have a post-legal Supreme Court, which evangelicals prayed into, and now pray with. Brett Kavanaugh can enumerate rights you could never imagine in between courses at Morton’s.
On the other hand, Democrats can have all the successes in the world and still worry that they made the wrong choice. Hopefully they will also remember all that they lost so far, all the way to November.
Pass the Cipollone! The January 6 Committee is still set for Tuesday, but now Thursday’s hearing has been postponed. We’ll still hear more about bombs, death lists, and why Donald Trump should never be allowed near the White House again. Donald said he’d waive executive privilege (although he’s not president, in fact was was barely ever an “executive”, and he never invoked that privilege in the first place) for Steven KG Bannon. So, uhm, “Let's go Bannon”? No, of course not. Steve lies like a Trump, and whatever Bannon’s pulling won’t help anyone, least of all him.
David Waldman delivers us to Friday, although admittedly, Friday did meet us halfway.
Shinzo Abe (or perhaps Abe Shinzo), Japan’s longest-serving prime minister, has been assassinated. Those who don’t understand why or how Abe could be gunned down in Japan will have the opportunity for interesting research this weekend.
More gun stories: UPS stops doing business with “ghost gun” retailers, notably those calling their business Ghost Firearms. It’s tough to disagree when a computer says you committed a crime. That is why police who don’t like being disagreed with use ShotSpotter, altering results when ShotSpotter disagrees with them.
Michael Flynn, spy, is being penalized by the Army for failing to disclose the money he picked up talking to various foreign entities, including of course, Vladimir Putin.
Justice Brett Kavanaugh discovered a privacy right not identified or listed in the Constitution that pertained to him.
Roy Moore didn’t get the joke of Sacha Baron Cohen’s perfectly accurate pedophile detector, but his judges did.
Idaho Republican Vito Barbieri may not be as dumb as Roy Moore, Lauren Boebert, Marjorie Taylor Greene, or even Louie Gohmert, but he sure asks dumb questions.
David Waldman and Greg Dworkin present another in a series of fine July KITMs. Collect them all!
If you were hoping to take your family out to see America’s Stonehenge this summer... you’re good to go. Check out the alpaca farm. However, the other America’s Stonehenge, AKA the Georgia Guidestones, were always held suspect by Republicans, as they were written in 8 languages without spelling errors. They blew that one up.
Boris Johnson finally Bor-exited as the UK prime minister. Johnson was a lot like Donald Trump, but never became Trump, because Britain isn’t the United States.
Over here, hearings will examine Donald Trump’s ties to terrorists and right-wing extremists. Lindsey Graham might have turned himself inside out one too many times. Pat (pats his bologna) Cipollone will testify before the January 6 committee. Therefore, Republicans vow to investigate the investigators for investigating.
Boris Johnson won’t be able to get any British to pay up to $4,000 to hear him speak on tour like Trump can and does with ‘mericans. Is that a Trump thing, or a USA thing? Two former Trump FBI chiefs, James Comey and Andrew McCabe, were audited by the IRS, probably because it was the least criminal revenge Donald could come up with.
The Highland Park massacre was an all-American crime, as was the shooter’s MAGA and militia affiliations.
Seven of eight nationwide polls have showed higher support for Democrats lately. Good news if it changes votes.
Christmas in July — Santa was arrested at the Mall.
It’s Fourth of July week here at KITM, when each day feels as if it is just before, or after, Sunday… At least it’s a day with David Waldman and Greg Dworkin in it!
What day is it in England? A lot is happening over in Britain lately, and a lot of it is happening to Boris Johnson. Officials are either demanding that Johnson resign or are resigning because of Johnson.
Over here, people who voted for President Joe Biden wonder why he hasn’t fixed it all yet. Once every four years (sometimes even more!) they vote Democratic, and yet everything they want hasn’t happened! Why aren’t youngsters inspired yet? Perhaps we aren’t yelling at pollsters loudly enough.
In contrast, Republicans like Doug Mastriano plan to first seize all control, and then get all that they want. The Trump Supreme Court didn’t just appear out of thoughts and prayers you know, and now Democrats are headed for a disaster with unfilled judicial vacancies unless they start bypassing the traditions, norms and blue slips standing in their way. A major question left unanswered is what qualifies as a “major question”? Also, how gimmetarian is the “independent state legislature” theory, and would that really matter to a gimmetarian?
A grand jury in Georgia issued subpoenas for Rudy Giuliani and the Colludey Gang, including Senator Lindsey Graham, and you can bet that Lindsey will be shaking his Senate immunity with all he’s got. Of course, Trump’s Bunco Brigade is making money off of all this. Donald Trump, however, may have a tougher time achieving his second or third presidential term with all the heat nosing about. The January 6 Committee is still out there doing God’s work, and the next installment will be connecting the dots between Donald and several extremist groups.
Murdery Traitor Greene has too many red flags to get into any extremist group but could probably buy an AR in Illinois. The Highland Park shooter considered being the Madison, Wisconsin shooter as well. His parents, in lieu of actual parenting, offer their thoughts and prayers.
Whew! At least the COVID-19 pandemic is over! Except for subvariants BA.4 and BA.5, which are the most contagious yet, and are coming to California.
David Waldman and KITM welcome everyone back from the 4th of July weekend. Injured? Shot? No? Then you did better than a lot of people. At a parade in Highland Park, Illinois, a guy climbed onto a roof and used his assault rifle for its intended purpose, which had also been his intended purpose for weeks. He left 6 dead, 30 injured, and then headed home, where he was gently apprehended by local law enforcement. The local law enforcement attending the parade could not be contacted for comment, or much else. The Chicago White Sox say this is why we can’t have nice things. As always, normal people have normal reactions to this, and abnormal people have abnormal reactions. Highland Park is the last place you’d expect this to happen. It’s definitely the last place Clarence Thomas expected it to happen.
Highland Park wasn’t the only holiday mass shooting. It wasn’t even the only one in the Chicago area. There was panic at a Philadelphia, Pennsylvania fireworks show after shots rang out... Police were somehow injured, and a bullet somehow found its way into a cop’s hat. Philadelphia’s mayor is just tired of this stuff. (These weren’t the only fireworks shows with guns or panic, either.)
Then there’s the mass shooting in Akron, Ohio. Although in this case, a mass of police were shooting a mass of bullets into just one guy, Jayland Walker.
All of this adds up to… well, who knows, but don’t ask Nikki Haley, that’s for sure. The marshal of the Supreme Court wants to crack down on people making noise around the Justices’ houses, and also the people not making noise. Election deniers head out to the offices of their local officials who they know “respond to fear”.
Meanwhile, the Supreme Court will dispose of everyone from Originalists to Schoolhouse Rock by redefining the meaning of “Legislature”.
Remember what it was like to live in a world where an American president would never dare say something as stupid as that the Continental Army took over the airports in 1776?
Well, welcome to a rerun of the last day in history on which that was true.
Just in: President Donald J. Trump is still dead. We hope to update this throughout the day.
Justin Amash pronounces the party of Trump dead, and leaves the party.
Meanwhile, The Trump administration frantically attempts to resuscitate their citizenship question for the 2020 Census. Or, like as in Trump’s case, they will just pretend it’s alive and hope to fool as many people as long as possible.
David Waldman and Greg Dworkin spend their grill pre-heating and beer-icing time prepping us for… no, not the QAnonathon, you’re better than that! Military parades are as dead as, well you know. Here’s tanks for the memories.
Today, let’s keep America and patriotism alive by becoming more informed citizens. Smart investors support Elizabeth Warren. Warren keeps capturing Sanders’ voters, and in Iowa she’s out in front.
A Pediatrician describes what she saw inside a border patrol warehouse. Cruelty is the point, and that point becomes sharper at Trump concentration camps each passing day. Who is in charge of delivering cruelty, and who is just following orders? A handy guide.
Next week: A very short war in Iran.
Crazy, but that's how it goes! Millions of people, living as foes… David Waldman calls us all aboard the KITM Express Train of Thought today, and we’re barreling through all the stops:
The Supreme Court is destroying the United States… at least the “United” part… the States are set to destroy each other, as Originalism revives the Articles of Confederation and obliterates the Constitution.
Donald Trump knew that had he marched on the capitol, leading rioters onto the Senate floor, it would be the greatest moment of his career — His television career. Therefore, Donald fought like he never fought before... which, let’s face it, is not awfully hard. If only his “Mike Lindell walking sandals” had been delivered, Trump was prepared to trade any number of heads for his chance to make his beautiful perfect point. However, it was lunch time...
You can trust what Cassidy Hutchinson says. You can’t trust what Tony Ornato says. On all of the important points you don’t have to trust either, there’s plenty of other witnesses.
Ginni Thomas said she cannot wait to meet with Jan. 6 committee. Ginni has nothing to hide! No, maybe… Well, no.
If cops enjoyed following laws and being criticized, they wouldn’t have chosen to be cops, now would they? The Uvalde mom who saved her kids by challenging the authority of police and followed up by telling the media is being taught that lesson.
People in drag, like people in sports, are really only here to entertain us.
Putin says he won’t miss Finland, but Vlad certainly is going to miss its border protecting most of Russia’s nuclear weaponry.
Because of supply chain issues, “no return” policies are becoming “just keep it” policies.
David Waldman and Greg Dworkin got us through the end of June and halfway through 2022, now what? Let’s find out!
About half of Americans now believe Donald Trump should be charged for his crimes involving the January 6 insurrection. Well, the January 6 Committee ain’t halfway done. Unfortunately, a quarter of the people who admit they’re Republican are still pretty certain it was the white BLM antifa lizards, and probably will refuse to consider the woke opinions of the Wall Street Journal and Washington Examiner.
Nevertheless, it might wake up even some of them if the Committee would get “pats his bologna” up on the stand… Darn spellcheck!
Cassidy Hutchinson is the newest Dr. Christine Blasey Ford for “Pro-Trump influencers” to target. However, the Republican smear campaign is falling apart because most of the facts they are using just aren’t factual. Hutchinson’s testimony is being disputed, after all what is a little lunge between friends? By the way, what if Tony Ornato planned for Cassidy Hutchinson to hear the hearsay he was feeding her?
Ornato is known to be a liar. Known to be a liar by national security official, Olivia Troye, retired lieutenant general, Keith Kellogg, and Pence press secretary, Alyssa Farah Griffin. Of course, Donald Trump knew Tony was a liar too. It was probably mutual admiration. Can a Secret Service agent be forced to testify? Ask Ken Starr.
If Donald wanted to enter the Capitol on January 6, who would stop him? And, how about the 7 thousand tourists he was leading? Could they skip the mags just this once?
The fall of Roe is the culmination of the Democratic establishment’s failures. Why were Democrats caught flat-footed by the end of Roe v. Wade? Democrats have six months to curb the power of this Court and they are not even trying... President Joe Biden has heard you, and says shut up with that malarky, he is doing something. He just needs to run it by his bosses first. If reconciliation can be restarted, anything is possible. Raphael Warnock and Stacey Abrams are doing something about abortion rights, but taking different paths.
His life destroyed, Lev Parnas vows to make different life choices. He will have to in a jail cell.
As the surprise witness at today’s January 6th committee hearing, it was tough for me to get a live show produced today. But with Joan McCarter’s help, we got the job done!
OK, you caught me. The witness was one Cassidy Hutchinson, a top staffer to Mark Meadows, last seen giving recorded testimony to the committee, naming names of Members of Congress who sought pardons from TFG after January 6.
Observers of the hearings are starting to piece together the connective tissue between January 6th and… everything else those rotten bastards were connected with, as Eastman has his phone seized, the Trumplettes are caught plotting on their phones, and disgraced CO elections clerk (and data thief) Tina Peters says Lauren Boebert egged her on.
Russia’s latest atrocity renews consideration of whether Russia is really a thing at all. I mean, real countries pay their debts. Did Russia pay its debt? Maybe, maybe not! What’s it to you? How would you even know? Maybe your computer is wrong!
I’m not sure if we heard Joan McCarter’s very soul scream aloud when we shared the latest news about Senate Judiciary Committee Dems and those goddamned blue slips. But I kind of think so. Luckily, we were able to counter that with the news that Susan Collins was apparently mocked viciously within the Trump White House for being such an easy mark on… well, everything! Meanwhile, Kevin McCarthy begs everyone to pay no attention to the man behind the curtain.
Speaking of the SCOTUS, things have gotten so bad, the dissents from the latest terrible decisions have resorted to dealing on a wholesale basis, knowing that pictures are worth a thousand words.
Joan has always known who’s to blame for this garbage, of course. The Court being what it is, there’s no easy way out. The remedies remain the same. In the meantime, we’ll have to accept the small steps forward where we can find them. Even if we need a microscope.
David Waldman put in a request for a House committee hearing earlier this morning and got results within hours. So, David put a call out for Greg Dworkin which was immediately heeded! No moss gathering on this KITM.
Republicans are the dog that caught the car — nah, they’re more of an alligator, dragging women’s rights under the mangrove roots. The Democratic Party watched them approach for years, and still never knew what hit them. Everyone from Susan Collins to Joe Manchin are now shocked about being blindsided by the very thing everybody told them was coming.
Now that the Supreme Court’s and Republican’s reputations are shot, what will they do? Absolutely everything they can get away with, as fast as they can, of course. Americans oppose what the Court is doing, and know that Republicans are planning more, therefore Republicans are the ones all in a hurry to make it all happen.
While Democrats… well, let’s not be too hasty, shall we?
Republicans warn that soon lawless gangs of anti-democratic, anti-constitutional pussy-hat wearing rioters will be looting stores and raping… (not that there’s anything wrong with that). Oh no! One of them shot Rudy!
Meanwhile, back to January 6, and bringing justice to this thing… and the thing that caused it. Ron Johnson, Mo Brooks, Kenneth Chesebro, and many more have a lot to explain.
This is like talking about pre-meteorite problems in a post-meteorite world. Unbeknownst to David Waldman (well pretty beknown actually, we all saw it coming) the Trump Supreme Court eliminated the constitutional right to an abortion, making abortion absolutely illegal with no exceptions for millions of Americans. They’re coming for contraception and same-sex marriage now, but you knew that also.
The only way to fix this is to start at the bottom, which unfortunately is a long, long way down. The January 6 insurrection House select committee dug down further yesterday into Donald Trump’s attempted debasement of the Justice Department and is connecting the dots of his use of any form and style of corruption ever imagined. Richard Nixon is crawling out of his grave to spit in Trump’s eye.
The Giant Wet Wipe Island of corruption continues to float up and spread. Ron Johnson keeps struggling to make his Jan. 6 mess go away. Ron did say that he was “basically unaware” which is generally true, but not in the case of his efforts to pass false elector slates through to Mike Pence. Again, it was a scheme too dirty for Nixon to contemplate, and too stupid for either Matt Gaetz or Murdery Traitor Greene to even consider without preemptive blanket pardons.
Apparently stupid enough, however: Arizona GQP Chair Kelli Ward and her husband just got subpoenaed, the FBI seized Nevada GQP chairman Michael McDonald’’s phone and discovered that former Trump Justice Department official Jeffrey Clark wears pajamas, among other findings. Former Wisconsin Supreme Court justice Michael Gableman holds all justice and law in contempt.
Trump made a secret call to Vladimir Putin just before the election. Based on results, it must not have been a perfect call.
David Waldman and Greg Dworkin prep us on today’s January 6 Select Committee hearings! If that hearing airs and you haven’t heard this KITM, you'll regret it. Maybe not today. Maybe not tomorrow, but soon and for the rest of your life.
Back by popular demand, the January 6 Insurrection hearings will resume today and the topic will be Donald Trump’s attempted corruption of the DOJ. It should be at least as fun/galling as the last four. Republicans wish they could join in the fun, and indeed, more and more are.
Unfortunately, after today’s installment the committee will be delaying until July. The good news is July isn’t far off, and Lordy they will have tapes.
Merrick Garland has finally awakened, and makes it rain subpoenas in Nevada, Georgia, Michigan with many more to come. Ron Johnson sure did step in it, but just because he’s an idiot, that doesn’t keep him from being criminally liable. And there’s Rudy Giuliani, launching a lynch mob over a ginger mint.
Justice will prevail! Maybe, eventually.
Donald’s taking it about as well as can be expected (heh heh). Trump team members are also coming unglued as their struggles against truth and reality overwhelm them. Of course, Republicans would give Trump another chance, it’s just that most prefer that he wasn’t around to accept. After all, the main tenet of Trumpism is knowing to knife a guy when he’s down. Mehmet Oz is attempting to Glenn Youngkin his way to Pennsylvania by ixnaying the umptray.
There were some (me) who had doubts about how far bipartisan gun legislation would actually advance. They were (I was) wrong! Sadly, democracy’s arch enemy, the Supreme Court has darkened the day once again.
Res ipsa loquitur, but it’s more fun if David Waldman and Greg Dworkin put their 2 cents in:
Another day of January 6 hearings reveal that not only Donald Trump is a deluded idiot, but that it takes a village of deluded idiots to raise a coup. “We’ve got lots of theories, we just don't have the evidence” explains it all. It is all they ever had. The less things make sense, the more it makes sense, it seems.
The “plan” for getting the fake electoral votes “counted” by Mike Pence wouldn’t stand up to any scrutiny, therefore scrutiny was assiduously avoided. Senator Ron Johnson wanted to hand-deliver fake electors' votes to Mike Pence on Jan. 6, and as luck would have it, a package of some sort from someone ended up in his… rather someone on his staff’s hands, and ended up in the hands of someone, but not Mike Pence. No one is sure how, or why, but it seemed like a good idea at the time. Michigan electors hoped to hide overnight in the state Capitol because the state Senate chamber is where the magic happens. Mark Meadows wanted to send Georgia election investigators “coins, and actual autographed MAGA hats” as a token of appreciation.
When does the Right begin with their “Shaye Moss was no angel” smear campaign? Oh, that’s right, that is what they opened with. In fact, her family has experienced generations of preparation for yesterday’s testimony. White parents in Georgia hounded a black educator out of town, which was good enough for Republican voters, they didn’t need to add them to the school board.
Summer Solstice! First day of summer, longest day of the year, daylilies beginning to bloom, and Mom Waldman’s birthday! Happy all those things! Of course, David Waldman will call his mother. First though, he needs to set us up properly for today.
The January 6 Insurrection committee returns to chew bubblegum and kick ass, but the janitorial staff frowns on bubble gum, therefore, it’s time to watch more courageous Republicans come to the aid of their country.
After 6 years of Donald Trump, the underside of the bus has become pretty packed. There’s always room for more, however, so under the dualies goes John Eastman.
Merrick Garland is out of town today, but he says he’s watching the hearings. Should Garland prosecute Trump? Sure! Will he? Eh…
Death threats from the GQP are coming in as fast as they can be scribbled, but Eric Greitens’ have much higher production values, and capture more attention than merely slapping one child at a time. Spending the money on an AR-15 might seem like “overkill” to most, but you can’t beat the reaction they get.
Texas wants to leave so bad. Really, who’s stopping them?
What’s the Supreme Court been up to lately? Up to no good, Joan McCarter assures us. Hey! Remember the historic, once-in-a-generation gun safety legislation heading our way after the Uvalde, Texas, massacre? Haw Haw! Republicans had us going there again, didn’t they?
Happy holidays! Today, David Waldman welcomes Greg Dworkin to KITM’s celebration of Juneteenth (Observed) and Father’s Day (Eastern Orthodox).
That means the January 6 commission will be out until tomorrow. So far, they have been very effective. 6 in 10 Americans say Donald Trump should be held responsible for the insurrection, the scales falling from 1 out of 5 sets of Republican eyes. To date, Donald and friends have dropped enough bricks to build three Mar-a-Lagos.
And it’s only just begun. People are finally beginning to understand how and why Trump must be criminally prosecuted, probably of attempted murder… But — “What about Chappaquiddick?” demands Tucker, as Trump’s savviest aides slip out the window. The trouble is, there are no savvy left, just lunatic wannabees, locking, loading, and aiming at trans-Americans, RINOs, Democrats, their families... until they run out of bullets.
The Texas GQP capsizes to the right, assaulting lefties Dan Crenshaw, and John Cornyn, seceding from Joe Biden, and becoming officially anti-LGBTQ, testing the patience of the ever-resilient Log Cabin Republicans. Andrew Sullivan probably doesn’t see the logic in all of this, and yet thought it made sense to adore Chris “Osama bin Laden” Rufo, who will tell you right now that’s a dumb thing to do.
Democracy continues to breathe, at least shallowly, in New Mexico, with the GQP commission of Otero County deciding that this wouldn’t be the hill they died upon, as their paychecks would also stop. Cowboy for Trump Couy Griffin can hold his head high.
Extra good news: Judge Michael Luttig is not recovering from a stroke, as he never had a stroke! We can all go back to being annoyed by how incredibly slow he talks.
No hearings today, so David Waldman sweeps up the week's remnants before the next week’s craziness falls.
John Eastman is a bad lawyer, but more importantly, Eastman is a bad guy. Unfortunately for John Eastman, he turned out to be very bad at being a bad guy, and even worse at timing his getaway. Is it too late for John to get on the pardon list?
The people who want to spin themselves as Team Normal are still Team Complicit, and we know which team Mike Pence is on. Team Ignoramus is still on the field. Gym Jordan can’t afford to drive over and testify. Greg Steube saw images magically floating around the hearing, and knew his guns were no match. Donald Trump keeps saying anyone who crosses him will get hurt, and yet you people keep pushing him. Those who believe lying and stupidity just couldn’t possibly win this time really haven’t been paying attention.
A couple more secret kids of Hershel Walker turned up. Nothing matters.
Bennie Thompson believes it’s time, at some point, soon, in the next few weeks, to invite Ginni Thomas to talk, if she wants, and if not, well, we’ll see what happens.
Insurrectionist Dr. Simone Gold asked her judge if he knew who he was talking to. Yep, seems that he did. Will the credentials of Simone’s SO, international underwear model John Strand, be taken into account?
Ron DeSantis has a million doses of hydroxychloroquine hitting their sell-by dates and isn’t interested in any vaccines for Florida children.
In international spy news, the intelligence and security service for the Netherlands, AVID, has exposed a Russian espionage network operating in their country, notably international spy Viktor Muller Ferreira AKA Sergey Vladimirovich Cherkasov, who had been posing as an intern but was secretly working for GRU, Russian military intelligence.
Right-wing parent groups oppose mental health in schools, their natural enemy.
David Waldman and Greg Dworkin are here today for your KITM pre-hearing briefing.
No one lies like Georgia Republican Barry Loudermilk, at least no one innocent. Loudermilk promises to stop lying, soon, right after this one more, maybe two… The photos showing Barry leading tourists around to Capitol security points, tunnels, stairwells, exits, etc. were problematic enough, but there’s also the footage of one of those tourists on January 6 talking about assaulting members of the Congress and Senate with other, armed, tourists. Oh, you were you talking about that tour? OOPS!
The Proud Boys planned to occupy Capitol buildings on January 6. An actual written-out plan. By the way, who planted those pipe bombs?
Steve KG Bannon is a habitual criminal, who lies constantly, and has plenty to hide.
John Eastman says there was a heated fight in the Supreme Court about whether to intervene in the 2020 elections. Eastman is probably lying, after all that’s his job. One thing is true, Eastman was rooting for riots on January 6.
Staunch conservative, retired federal Judge, J. Michael Luttig is testifying today that January 6 was a “well-developed plan” by Trump
Donald Trump begs to be sworn in by the committee to testify under oath immediately. Donald did say a thing or two in the past, but is he really a criminal? David is so glad that you asked that question!
The Otero County, New Mexico Board of County Commissioners has gone off the deep end for the Big Lie, but what are they going to do, throw them in jail? If the FBI is looking for extremist ringleaders, they should check on who’s running for office. Reporters know American democracy is under threat, but don’t know where to focus their cameras.
Dr. Anthony Fauci told you that stuff was contagious, didn’t he?
David Waldman and Greg Dworkin sure are some witty guys! Come for the snappy banter, stay for their sophisticated repartee.
Nice! 69% of those polled say attempting to overturn election results is a crime. It would be nicer if even more did embrace reality, but more than 100 GQP primary winners won supporting the Big Lie, and their goal is to make their fantasy reality. You and I know they’re screwballs, but so do their supporters, therefore it might not be wise to take them lightly, or to strategically support them, because we might get more than we’re asking for.
A county in New Mexico won’t certify its election results once the GQP quit liking the voting machines following displeasing results. Republicans playing with QAnon fire got burnt in Nevada. Nationwide, gangs of constitutional sheriffs threaten to kill or be killed busting up voting machines and democracy.
Somehow, there were still elections yesterday.
Meanwhile, justice and the January 6 committee march on, building a case for a criminal conspiracy, and for locking up Donald Trump. If they don’t catch him, someone will. Half of the Republican party should go to jail, while the other half should go broke supporting them. Today justice has been slightly delayed, but not denied, they’re only just building up pressure.
So… Uhm, thanks Kyrsten Sinema, for helping put together the first significant gun safety legislation in a generation through your own special brand of inscrutable magic and by pointing out red flags to those only looking to surf a red wave.
Fences are going up around the Capitol again. Could be the Supreme Court on abortion... Oh, well, we will just have to wait for the announcement, I guess.
Today’s show kicks off just 25 hours shy of the start of the next round of January 6th hearings. Or does it?!
The second hearing scored some additional points, including what we’ll call the launch of the Big Ripoff theme. The impact of the hearings is certainly being felt, even among the book-writing crowd.
In Big Lie news, Big Liar Jenna Ellis has joined the Big Lie-centered campaign of Doug Mastriano.
Busted Idaho neo-Nazi will need to find his own Lebensraum.
Correction: “Proud” Boys frightening the children (in order to save them from being frightened at) Drag Queen Story Hour were not Florida Men.
Lunatic Big Liar Michael Gableman goes nuts in court, gets himself held in contempt. By the court. Not just me. And yes, it’s absolutely part and parcel of the Trump Big Lie.
January 6th made no sense to begin with. But it definitely wouldn’t have made any sense if it weren’t for the increasingly stupid-looking Electoral College. And Joan McCarter, now calling from one of several Portlands, largely agrees.
Speaking of agreeing, Joan says it’s time to get serious about impeaching Clarence Thomas. No, no one thinks they have the votes to remove him that way. But it does have the ability to make expanding the Court look less radical by comparison. (Even though there’s nothing radical about removing insurrectionists and those who harbor them. That’s a conservative thing to do!)
Lastly, it should be known that Mike Lee is a puke.
It’s Day Two of the January 6th Select Committee coup hearings. Yes, they are “history” and all, but first you need to hit pause, and listen to what David Waldman and Greg Dworkin have to say, so you know your silcrows from your pilcrows going in.
Thursday’s hearing was about dishonor... Trump’s and his party’s. That, and plenty of actual crimes, should anyone care to do anything about it. The Committee keeps up the good work today, holding Trump and friends accountable for the Big Lie that brought on the insurrection. and following the Big Lie money. The people who brought us the Big Lie attempt to simultaneously continue lying and suppress dialog about January 6. Steve KG Bannon is “fuming” over the first day of hearings (it might just be his usual biomass outgassing.)
Fired Fox News editor Chris Stirewalt told people then and is telling them now that Trump is a loser, while Trump campaign manager Bill Stepien was scheduled to appear before the committee today, but his wife is giving birth. Uhm, congratulations?
In his undelivered final speech, President John Kennedy had a warning about Donald Trump. (That speech has been rescheduled to this weekend.)
Hundreds of firearms and thousands of rounds of ammunition were found on the insurrectionists on January 6. Good news, incrementalists! After 3 decades, legislation mitigating gun violence is progressing right on schedule!
White nationalists from the Patriot Front took a false conspiracy smear on Antifa and were apprehended trying it out for real in Idaho, loading their proudly lily-white troops into a U-Haul to attack a pride parade.
Russia isn’t just committed to filling mass graves in Ukraine; their plan is to fill graves throughout the developing world and ship the survivors to Siberia.
TONIGHT, at 8 PM Eastern, 7 Central, 6 Mountain and 5 Pacific, the January 6 House select committees will finally be broadcast LIVE. David Waldman and Greg Dworkin will be tuning in, probably. (David hopes to work within his existing viewing priorities.)
For you, and anyone interested in democracy, this will be must-see TV. You-Know-Who, TFG, will be definitely tuning in. After all, people will be talking about him, specifically the one subject Donald Trump has ever attended to. Sadly for the Donald, he won’t be able to catch the hearings on Fox News, as they won’t be covering reality of any sort through 2024. Trump should expect to hear a lot from Georgia Secretary of State Brad Raffensperger and his top deputy Gabe Sterling, along with accounts from about half the population of Florida who were insurrecting in DC that day.
We’ll also hear from those who just knew there’d be trouble, knew the line was being crossed, and had ALL of the right intentions… along with those too stupid or insane to understand what was going on. It seems that every one of those people walked over White House doormat Mark Meadows and left big footprints. Meadows even made the time to talk to brand-new freshman crazy dimwit Marjorie Traitor Greene. These hearings might not fix everything... or anything, but you never know, right? At least the hearings won’t have Bill Barr to spin them. Bill doesn’t spin so well without White House clout.
It always helps to change the narrative. Just ask "Woke Mob Against Gun Death", who is seizing “woke” from the deplorables. For those who find guns are more important than children, would hearing what damage guns actually do to children change things? New Jersey Representative Chris Smith couldn’t be more conservative, but this is one step too far for even him. Phony solutions such as proposing putting veterans into schools just won’t cut it.
Pennsylvania’s Senate recount shows how accurate our voting process is… which is kind of bad news for California.
Moderna’s new booster could be the turning point in the Covid fight. Of course, you still do need to take the vaccine for it to be effective. Vaccines for infants and toddlers still need to be produced in order to be taken.
Painful as it is, we need to talk about some place other than the US. Great Britain still has a problem with its Johnson, which has only been hardening the EU lately. The French don’t know what to do and don’t care.
Today, David Waldman and Greg Dworkin celebrate D-Day, the biggest Antifa holiday on the calendar! Today is a great day to punch a Nazi, even metaphorically.
Meanwhile, several more mass killings by shooting happened since the last KITM. 72% of the nation believes that these deaths could be prevented, however 44% of Republicans would rather they weren’t. 5 states are already taking action. Beto O’Rourke will run on gun control, again. Marjorie Traitor Greene will run on gun neglect, again without David Hogg’s help. Joe Manchin just wishes he could do something to help, and so does Chris Jacobs, but alas, the Republican party won’t let them. Trump-Endorsed Arizona candidate Blake Masters knows exactly how to fix the gun problem. Donald Trump wonders what’s on the other channel.
Don’t worry, the NRA has got this all handled, as long as your checks keep coming in.
It turns out that AR-15-style weapons aren’t “just like” hunting rifles, at least not in the opinion of the people who use, pose with, purchase or profit by them… and especially not to those who pray to them, the flag and the cross. (Even the non-religious can get a boner from them.) A guy who killed a retired judge and had a hitlist with Gretchen Whitmer’s name on itwas “self-subdued”, nothing to worry about here, except from anyone similar to him.
Reporters know Kevin McCarthy Is dumb. It’s a trait so strangely common, and yet so hardly reported. In Great Britain, Boris Johnson almost got away with it, and who knows, might get away with it again.
Will Donald Trump get away with it? You know, the sedition? Happened around January 6, 2021? Maybe you heard, they’re doing a whole primetime thing about it this week! You know Democrats generally eschew promoting such things, so you might need to ask a Republican about it, or you could find more about it here. Here are five things about the January 6 panel hearings. Here are five more!
Today, David Waldman and Greg Dworkin again report that we are again underthe cloud of another mass shooting, right on the heels of… the twenty mass shootings following Uvalde, Texas. This catastrophe has a reason... they all have a reason, being that people who want to kill people cheap, quick and easy can find all the support they need to do so. That support seems to be eroding, finally. Republican sociopathy has been a harder sell lately.
Who knows, perhaps the upcoming January 6 hearings will make it harder to sell Republican insurrection. Blockbuster witnesses, celebrities and guest stars are slated.
Tapes expose the Republicans’ plan to takeover future Democratic-majority polls, while memos between John Eastman and Rudy Colludy Giuliani reveal the criminal effort to overthrow the previous election. Chuck Grassley didn’t vote to send the election results “back to the states”, blaming supply chain management on not delivering the fake ballots on time. Does Grassley know what he is saying? Do reporters?
Might the actual intent of John Durham’s investigation, along with the previous 90-100 Hillary Clinton related investigations, not been completely forthright? William Barr only wishes that the jury process was a little more discriminating, that’s all. Want to know a lot more? Always a good place to look is Emptywheel.
Meanwhile, the US is in its fourth-biggest Covid surge, but it may be 30 times worse than that.
David Waldman and Greg Dworkin are back together for the first time this month, and are ready to make up for lost time:
Poop Covid… or Covid poop... levels are looking pretty good but that should not be your sole criteria in determining risk. Wearing a mask will not protect you from hot takes but will still protect your health. The biggest issue with relentless mass shooting is the relentless mass killing, caused by the shooting. The people who care the most about what specifically is doing the shooting are the shooters, because who wants to kill people with grandpa’s old hunting rifle? Gun or rifle, what matters is how many and how fast they can bullseye.
Beto O’Rourke would rather talk about how to keep kids from being shot. What if District of Columbia v. Heller never happened? It would probably be the same, with one less excuse.
Racist and violent ideas jump from the web’s fringes into the mainstream with the help of people like Christina Pushaw. Pushaw might get a bit touchy if she heard you say that (or anything, really). Nonetheless, Christina has inspired thousands who might not even know her name.
Catholic universities welcome discussion of gender issues. After all, they can’t recall ever losing an argument in almost 2,000 years.
Michael Sussmann is not guilty. Hillary Clinton continues to be not guilty. John Durham loses. William Barr loses. The GQP loses. Michael Flynn loses. Donald Trump continues to lose.
Wanna talk losers? Russia’s top commanders, generals, snipers and elite military squadrons sure must have been graded on a big curve. Even when they win, Russians lose in Ukraine.
David Waldman ends the month and begins the week, sort of, getting us back on track from the weekend.
The Uvalde Chief of Police hadn’t yet been sworn in, and that was scheduled for this week! What luck! Almost no one has luck that bad.
The Uvalde massacre didn’t happen to him, or his kids. It didn’t even happen in his country, and yet Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau understands the need to freeze handgun sales and buy back assault weapons. Republicans see Canada turning into some sort of New Zealand-like hellhole right before their eyes, and vow to never let it happen on their watch.
Are guns more important to Republicans than their own kids? Well… more important than your kids definitely. After all, that day will come when they will need to shoot their way through the pearly gates into the promised land. Supplier to massacres, Danile Defense, is religiously devoted to making money from all God’s children, be they military or simply military cosplayers. No one however wants to deliver more Americans into the arms of Jesus than Russia, the NRA, and Maria Butina, who have all been joined at least at the hips for a decade. The Moms Demand Action group has spent that decade trying to crowbar them apart, and actually have seen some success over the years.
Speaking of religion, the Big Lie is becoming an institution with its own bureaucratic ladder to climb. Entrepreneurs are finding it tough negotiating the byzantine protocols and following established norms.
Memorial Day is a time for remembrance.
Like, remember last Memorial Day?
If you don't, we're about to remind you of it, by re-running last year's Memorial Day show, from May 31, 2021! Yahoo!
Today (as was the case last year), David Waldman and Greg Dworkin call upon all Americans to remember, to reflect, and to thank those who have made tremendous sacrifices to keep our country safe and free... After that, have yourself a ball!
Critics who planned to call Kamala Harris a professorial goody-two-shoes today were stunned by her disgusting display of unfit, unpatriotic, not passed-out-at-the-barbeque behavior. The former guy sure wouldn’t have behaved like that!
While we are commemorating and solemnly observing, let’s not forget the 100th anniversary of the Black Wall Street race riot massacre, which is not the only Black Wall Street, nor deadly race riot of the period, by the way. Definitely not the last one.
Michael Flynn is a spy who wishes the US be overthrown. Donald Trump says Flynn is a patriot, therefore Republicans believe that that the US should be overthrown, or they are simply RINOs. Democrats will need to meet them halfway, or they aren’t bipartisan. Also, any Democrats meeting halfway will find themselves very alone, and losers. Filibusters are an aberration that no one will miss. None of this is new. Hal Crowther isn’t Nostradamus, just observant.
Hispanics are liking Joe Biden more every day, as do most sane smart people. Chuck Schumer and Susan Collins aren’t even pretending anymore.
Benjamin Netanyahu has run out of friends and ideas. Speaking of bankrupt, HateWRKS in Nashville is fresh out of hats, with only a couple MAGA hats and white hoods left in stock.
Covid isn’t gone. If you are unvaccinated and don’t wear a mask you will get it eventually. People stream in over our southern borders to get their shots — if they come over in a plane, they’ll receive one.
David Waldman brings us Friday, and it’s about time.
Today in Uvalde, Texas, the ones hiding under tables are the police hiding from accountability.
Uvalde had prepared for school shootings, just not one with scary guns and real bullets. Uvalde’s cosplay cops aren’t paid to face danger as if they were some“elementary school teacher”, you know. Last Tuesday the “serve and protect” part was self-serve.
The cops aren’t the only ones running for cover. Lee Greenwood, Larry Gatlin and Don McLean will be singing somewhere more patriotic than the NRA convention. Massacrer’s brand of choice, Daniel Defense, won’t be attending either. Fox News is taking any suggestions on what or who to blame for the next few days. The scum of the earth left to attend has been distilled down to the likes of Ted Cruz and Donald Trump.
If you want to blame anyone, blame Antonin Scalia. Most blame for most things will fit.
With Madison Cawthorn going and Herschel Walker not quite here, the dumbest person in Congress mantle moves over to Lauren Boebert. There may be reasons Boebert is so ignorant sometimes, but no reason she can be that ignorant all the time. Sports fans can’t keep numb and dumb with the Tampa Bay Rays and New York Yankees chasing them into Twitter with gun safety facts.
No one can tell David Waldman how to pronounce words! Actually, this guy did and it went just fine.
There’s more! The DOJ is interviewing Georgia Republicans for their fake elector probe. Finland is winning the war on fake news. Colombia’s ambassador to the United States says Russia isn’t done meddling in South America.
Today’s weather report: Under the cloud of a mass shooting. Again. Unlike some other places we could name.
Greg Dworkin, who has some experience with these things (which are not rare), helps us get through the morning with his news roundup, plus some suggestions about how to change the way the media covers these events. Or even (dare we say it?) reduce their number.
Not that Republicans can be expected to help. If anything, you should expect them to try to make things worse. The only thing that moves them—ever—is knowing the victims personally. Although Democrats aren’t exactly knocking down walls here, either. And yes, there are some ways to do that.
Meanwhile, yes, the rest of the world marches on. The Georgia primaries, for instance, featuring a win by least-worst candidate Brad Raffensperger. Also in “elections” news, the Michigan Gop’s petition fraud, and the Florida Gop’s “ghost candidate” fraud. Gosh, that’s a lot of Gop fraud! And we haven’t even finished rounding up Michigan Gop fraudsters.
Speaking of Gop frauds, there’s more action on that lawsuit to disqualify Madison Cawthorn—and yes, it might actually matter—even though he got himself disqualified just the other day. You know, by losing. Like this fake Wisconsin Elector did, back in April.
True to form, Senate Republicans grouse loudly about problems, then block solutions to them.
Lastly, Ginni Thomas: she’s no good! Let’s arrest her and then make up the crime later. You may think that’s not allowed, but it is if five Justices say so, and that’s at least as strong an argument as she’s got.
David Waldman catches us up on several items, including the continuing recovery efforts from collateral damage inflicted upon Loudoun County schools by the Glenn Youngkin’s campaign for Virginia Governor.
Walmart is recalling their Juneteenth ice cream, not for health reasons, but because of bad taste... Theirs, not their product. No shortage — plenty of yummy Juneteenth red food is still available!
Republican voter fraud was discovered in Michigan. Well, not exactly, but there was plenty of fraud committed by Republicans in order to get GQP candidates elected, so…
Shortly before the 2020 election, Jared Kushner and Steve Mnuchin saw the writing on the wall and formed the Abraham fund, destined to free billions of dollars out of the Middle East, right into their pockets.
Joan McCarter returns to KITM after recently packing up and moving a few hundred miles west and a million miles left over to Oregon.
A new day, a new right lost to the perverse, illogical majority of the Supreme Court. Pressure to expand the Supreme Court grows, with abortion advocates joining the fight. Republicans stand up for Putin and price gouging, but against feeding babies. Joe Manchin might be a Republican, but he isn’t sure what he wants, outside of keeping Democrats from getting what they want. Without a filibuster his type would not be a concern.
Victoria! Victoria! Victoria… Victoria Day! David Waldman and Greg Dworkin celebrate an undying monarchy, but mostly Canadians’ embrace of all the summer they can get.
Allegheny County election officials are sorting through 1,900 provisional and mail-in ballots in Pennsylvania, and neither Mehmet Oz nor David McCormick feel like calling any vote fake. That’s strange, considering at least 357 sitting Republican legislators in battleground states have used the power of their office to discredit or try to overturn the 2020 presidential election. These Republicans owe their careers to calling votes fake. Where would Doug Mastriano or Kathy Barnette’s election campaigns be without election denial? 10th Justice of the Supreme Court, Ginni Thomas certainly wouldn’t have her clout without this issue.
On the other hand, as sure as Jesus guns babies, White Christian nationalists would probably still be up to something, and it would probably involve diddling youngsters and banning abortions. Of course, conservatives aren’t that limited in their goals. They also plan to kill and terrorize those they aren’t able to suppress or segregate. Donald Trump isn’t bothered by these complexities and just calls for civil war.
In Ukraine, they are smart enough to not give concessions to Russia and strong enough to not give in. Russians however are taking it on the chin, and some of them give up on moose and squirrel for good.
President Joe Biden supports Japan becoming a permanent member of the U.N. Security Council.
A vaccine might be finally arriving for young kids, as somewhat less COVID has been hitting the fan lately. We still have idiots to worry about, although unfortunately they are never the only ones harmed.
The Capitol attack panel will hold six public hearings to pin January 6 securely to Donald Trump. Ken Paxton is only 59 but might get to become very old before justice ever catches up to him.
David Waldman empties Pocket for our KITM Friday News blow-out Special. Stock up now for the weekend!
You heard it here first, and because you did, you will hear it everywhere this weekend. The GQP in Colorado want a phony-bologna state electoral college to give them a chance of ever winning again.
House Republican Barry Loudermilk loves giving tours so much that he made one happen on January 5, 2021, as theJanuary 6th Committee will show.
Dumbest MF in DC, Madison Cawthorn, is calling on his legions of darkness to wreak vengeance on those smart enough to betray him. Donald Trump loves vengeance, but is pretty dumb himself, and probably doesn’t have a clue who Cawthorn is anymore. Donald is now a big fan ofthird-rate grandstander Thomas Massie, whom he recently promoted to first-rate. Senior Republicans hope what goes around, comes around, sooner, rather than later for the Freedom Caucus.
Of course, many of the GQP are members of far-right Facebook groups. How better to cater to their far-right base? Republicans do need to temporarily say the quiet parts quietly, post massacre and such… Perhaps their culture wars weren’t the best bet after all, with anti-education initiatives going down at local schools, and Trump’s boy Perdue crashing in Georgia. (Sarah Palin will fix it).
Even Democrats can’t help themselves sometimes. Sean Patrick Maloney found himself redistricted into incumbent Democrat Mondaire Jones territory, which Maloney sees as open territory, but then theDemocratic Congressional Campaign Committee might not.
Vladimir Putin wants to make Russia great again, like 1654, or 882, whatever. You say Vladimir, I say Volodymyr let’s call the whole thing off.
King of KITM, Local President David Waldman asks: What's next for Madison Cawthorn after his primary loss? Also: Who cares? Mads is certain to be forgotten much more quickly by Republicans than Democrats, for whom he’ll be a wistful memory like Aaron Schock, who may have a few things in common with Cawthorn, but definitely better fashion sense.
Greg Dworkin talks about the growing significance of Tuesday’s elections. We are witnessing the birth of Fettermania! Soon all Democratic candidates will be 7 feet tall. That beats the winning algorithm Republicans have chosen, as every election cycle requires them to out white Christian nationalist each other. The Big Lie playbook was everywhere as Republicans promised that once elected, they would eliminate elections. The solution for those who don’t trust democracy is of course more Electoral Colleges. Donald Trump says the vote is RIGGED, unless they stop counting votes and declare his boy the winner. GQP candidate for governor of Pennsylvania, Doug Mastriano, is so Trumpy he might embarrass Trump, but never Trump’s followers, who would rather self-destruct than give up.
Overthrow attempts of the last election are only beginning to be investigated.
9 Republicans voted against a bill that would help poor families buy baby formula. 192 voted no to help manage formula supply.
Democratic candidate for governor of New York, Tom Suozzi, had a solution ready for the Buffalo Massacre question, it just wasn’t a solution for that issue.
Tesla’s “Mike Lindell”, Elon Musk, will never vote commie again.
Furrys aren’t taking over public schools. Stop it.
How will Madison Cawthorn ever go back to his North Carolina cocaine orgy life after two years rubbing elbows in DC? Who cares, he’s going. Chuck Edwards, whoever he is, gave Mads the key bump he wasn’t hoping for last night. David Waldman and Greg Dworkin drop off the takeaways on Tuesday’s primary elections.
Cawthorn was an insurrectionist maniac, but that didn’t hurt him, as insurrectionist maniacs were the hot ticket for Republicans last night. Check out the results in Idaho, Oregon, and Pennsylvania, and this guy’s school district. Leading GQP contenders in swing states are running for election on their ability to overthrow elections. Doug Mastriano promises to overthrow anyone he disagrees with, and God willing, smite whoever’s in his way, which would include Trump if required.
Don’t expect Trumpists to ever go out of their way to help Trumpers. That just isn't how Trumpism works. Pro-Trump “electors” are named in a first-but-not-last-of-its-kind lawsuit in Wisconsin. Former state Supreme Court Justice Michael Gableman is backing away from his talk of election decertification. The Justice Department wants January 6 committee transcripts to move on its own investigations. Donald Trump keeps on being Trump, however. What does he have to lose?
Mike Flynn doesn’t really file a lawsuit to sue the people who didn’t prosecute him for prosecuting him.
Great Replacement theorists are afraid of Critical Race theory revealing their scam. Hungary’s Victor Orbán pushes Great Replacement in his opening speech. Ron Johnson pushes and denies GRT at the same time. Mitch McConnell la-la-la’ed himself through an entire press conference on GRT. The Buffalo GRT shooter shared his plans for months on the Discord app and no one reported him.
Nationalist Republicans want to make life hell for Mitch McConnell and Ukraine where Russia still claims to be winning, but something just doesn’t smell right with that.
Today, David Waldman announces that Joan McCarter is moving! No, not from Tuesdays on KITM, but from Idaho, where her family has lived for generations, to reunite with kith and kin in Oregon. Also, it might be a good time for her to leave Idaho, away from the far-right extremists taking over the GQP and the state. There’s one Democrat left there to turn off the lights, and he’s running for Governor. Well, there are others who say they are Democratic but are actually Republicans looking to parasitically take over the party.
There probably has never been a more lucrative grift than Christianity, nor will there ever be. Anything that moves that much violence will always move a lot of cash. It also can’t be beat for hiding any sorts of crime. The Trump administration did all it could to protect and nurture the White Christian Nationalist industry, and we now reap what they had sowed. Fox News doesn’t even know what we are talking about. Elise Stefanik was a little late in shutting up. Wendy Rogers is just asking questions.
In Georgia, the election supervisor let the local bail bond guy check out all her voting equipment for fraud. They had to throw out those machines, and that election supervisor. Colorado elections clerk Tina Peters is barred from overseeing elections, but unfortunately not from running in them.
Lauren Boebert is a lying nitwit, but don’t take my word for it, there are plenty of people who can personally attest to it.
Meanwhile, North Korea has had an "explosive" COVID outbreak along with a 0% vaccination rate, and so has Eric Clapton.
We are under the cloud of another mass shooting, or two, again. David Waldman and Greg Dworkin discuss the one Fox News will need a while to refocus upon, as it is based on the heart of their business model. The murders are Tucker Carlson’s fault, and each one pays his salary. Tucker’s long been pushing the “great replacement theory”, not only the shooter’s raison d'être, but pretty much the GQP platform for some time. Replacement theory is nothing new, but neofascist muscle is now taking it to new places in brotherhood with Christian nationalism. Whiteness and Christianity have been consecrated by those who only worship themselves.
It looks as if the place to be for Trump-endorsed candidates on January 6 was at the scene of the crime. Republican staffers have been fired for “ballot harvesting” in Pennsylvania, which used to be frowned upon, indeed it seems the interest of their Republican bosses as well.
Businesses aren’t seeing the McValue in staying in Russia any longer. In fact, rumor has it that Vladimir Putin might be vacating his own body in the near future. What does that mean for Russia? What does that mean for Ukraine? Oh no, what if Ukraine wins? Sweden isn’t taking any chances.
David Waldman successfully dodges all the machetes to bring us today’s Friday the 13th KITM:
The January 6th Select Committee waited until the perfect time to subpoena five members of Congress. Perfect for whom is up for debate, along with the interpretation of the speech and debate clause in the Constitution.
For Perjury Traitor Greene, the challenge to her running for office is now but a long-lost memory as Marge has been allowed a chance to insurrect again.
Women in the US who are unable to breastfeed because of no family leave time could always spend twenty bucks a can for formula, if they had the twenty, and if they could get formula. That perfect plan was gummed up like a dilapidated Abbott processing machine once Abbott spent their maintenance money on stock buybacks. American babies will now need to eat illegal migrant babies until this blows over.
Sheikh Khalifa bin Zayed Al Nahyan is dead, long live Mohammed bin Salman Al Saud.
Organized crime and Russians are everywhere and rarely there is a difference. A Russian gangster (or Russia) fomented insurrection in the Catalan area of Spain, offering billions of dollars and tens of thousands of troops, in order to establish a bitcoin Switzerland.
Not to underestimate you, but **David Waldman** and **Greg Dworkin** probably deliver as much *KITM* as you can handle today.
Russia continues to not win in Ukraine. Some would say they are losing. Some, like the Institute for the Study of War. Some, like Ukrainian soldier on the ground in charge of blowing up stuff, Максим. Sanctions are turning Russia into a place Borat would be ashamed to work for. Russia is pulling electronics out of their washing machines in order to keep their military running. Russian soldiers will wish they had pulled the SIM cards from their phones when the Switchblades lock on them. Remember when Republicans openly loved Russia?
If only public opinion mattered to abortion rights. Mitch McConnell is unlikely to dump the filibuster to ban abortion until the very second he can. Joe Manchin might be a Republican, but that doesn’t mean he always votes on a party line… unless it’s against abortion rights. Well, that Supreme Court leak investigation deescalated quickly. Susan Collins and Stephen King live in the same neighborhood, of course. One of their neighbors used chalk on the sidewalk, not for hopscotch or Valentine’s hearts, but in order to deeply concern Susan Collins.
Elon Musk is bored with Tesla. Soon, he will be bored with Twitter.
A popular GQP wacko might out-Trump all Republicans in Pennsylvania. She might even win her Senate nomination before conceding her 2020 House loss. That is Trumpy. The important elections however are for secretaries of state, as they are the ones who will install future Trumps.
The math wasn’t going Donald Trump’s way in 2020, so John Eastman had a plan to install his own math.
Baked Alaska came up with the novel idea of pleading guilty with a side-plea of innocence for his involvement on the insurrection January 6. Too novel for the judge, apparently. The January 6 Committee subpoenaedKevin McCarthy, Jim Jordan, Mo Brooks, Andy Biggs and Scott Perry, which is a good start.
David Waldman strictly follows the KITM plan for Wednesday success:
A. Find out what Greg Dworkin wants to talk about. B. Profit!
Greg advises to always check with your doctor first before attempting to bury anyone in your backyard.
Donald Trump is almost too stupid for words. The guy who wanted to nuke hurricanes planned to bomb China for shooting them at us, when all Trump really needed to do was to redirect a Jewish Space Laser at them. Mark Esper continues to come up with words on how stupid Trump was. Lindsey Graham would even tell you how stupid Donald was, if you were to catch him feeling catty. It’s gotten so bad that people are now starting to question Donald’s business sense. Trump actually is not the only stupid Republican. Tommy Tuberville is one of the last GQP to pretend to fall out of love with Russia and hasn’t yet got the hang of it. Charles Herbster assaulted a fraction of the women Donald Trump has, and yet still couldn’t ace his primary in Nebraska. Idiot Doug Mastriano however is polling great in Pennsylvania, and that is exactly why Republicans there are worried. Joe Manchin might be a Republican, but that doesn’t mean he approves of everything Donald Trump says.
The Republican party was hoping their voters would be interested in non-stupid issues, such as the economy, but that won’t happen when there’s so many tempting stupid issues out there. Democrats would like to run on how stupid Republicans are, but they probably should be focused on the economy as well. The GQP sure hadn’t planned to talk about abortion, an issue that makes things more complex for them but simplifies things for Democrats, because all Dems need to do is represent what America wants. The Evangelical Church got into anti-abortion politics right about when Jimmy Carter made them desegregate.
John Eastman put together a plan for overturning the 2020 election, but first needed Pennsylvania to help get the fraud rolling.
Ukrainian troops have fought their way back to the Russian border, and boy, the Russians are blowing their tops. Ukraine seems to have better intelligence and equipment and definitely knows how to use them. The trick is to kick Putin’s ass gently. Not too fast or too hard, but just the right amount.
Sorry to disappoint our many new listeners tuning in to KITM today, but David Waldman’s talk in analysis of the oeuvre of seminal icon Steven Seagal concluded yesterday. In its stead we offer a smörgåsbord, a mélange, a salmagundi if you will… of stuff:
A man bought a dog for protection, he bought a gun for protection, the dog attacked him, and he shot and killed his mom, on Mother’s Day. Many die with equal irony every day.
Lisa Murkowski’s faith in humanity was shattered last week. She got over it. Susan Collins, however may have become permanently concerned once she discovered chalk on a public sidewalk uncomfortably close to her home. You could have broken Susan’s windows and crapped in her hallways and still it wouldn’t have affected her so deeply. Almost as bad as sidewalk chalkers are Republicans in DC who instigated the insurrection on January 6. The Capitol attack panel have been carefully and methodically waiting for it to become too late to do anything and have almost completed their mission. Donald Trump (and anyone reading this) will have died of old age long before any accountability ever reaches him.
On the other hand, you’ll probably die of COVID, even if you thought you got over it.
Money might not buy happiness, but if you can’t use your money to suck away other’s money and happiness, then what is it good for? We might find out again as we remember how to aim our anti-trust laws at the most deserving monopolies.
David Waldman and Greg Dworkin are back broadcasting from the KITM booth for the 77th annual Victory Day Parade and it sure is a beautiful day today, just not so much for Vladimir Putin, who needed to reach back, way back, to find a victory worth talking about. If you want real heroes and real fireworks, check out Ukraine. Oooooh! Ahhhhhh!
In the US, Pro-Roe mobs roam the streets calligraphing buildings implying to hint at an allusion to proto-violence, causing a few Republicans to reach for their smelling salts and others to reach for their ARs. Clarence Thomas blames your reaction for his decision, and if you didn’t keep voting for a world he disagrees with, he wouldn’t need to vote to invalidate your beliefs. Mitch McConnell ABOSUTELY WILL MAKE A NATIONAL ABORTION BAN HAPPEN AND WILL IMMEDIATELY THROW OUT THE FILIBUSTER TO DO SO. When government is determined to be against the will of the people, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such Government, don’t you think? Ben Franklin was determined not to be the founding father of too many and published an abortion recipe in his math book. Good to not have to exist in such primitive desperate times!
Billionaire Russian oligarch Alexander Subbotin has reportedly died after an anti-hangover treatment that involved toad poison.
Meghan McCain isn’t smart and annoys people. It really was not smart to annoy Steve Schmidt.
David Waldman tosses us into the maw of another weekend, but not without packing us a little KITM to remember him by:
No one is more understanding and forgiving than Republicans. Grace and tolerance have always been conservative hallmarks, but never more so than since their embrace of Donald Trump. Trump does have some “foibles” that might earn him condemnation, ostracization, prosecution, or execution in some other groups, but Republicans still open their arms and welcome him back again and again, and of course Donald returns that love. Republican Minority Leader Kevin McCarthy stumbled in his faith... a few times... on tape following January 6, but Donald Trump never gave up on him. An Indiana man is suspected of killing his wife with a gallon flowerpot and dropping her off a bridge just won a Republican primary! Dems would probably have held that against him. Dumbest MF in DC Madison Cawthorn has been implicated in a potential insider trading scheme, and now likely violated House ethics rules with staff pay. Mad’s primary challenger doesn’t plan to mention that stuff, that’s how nice Republicans are.
Everyone else has been pretty mean to Trump lately. A court wringed about half of what Trump stole at his inauguration out of Donald, and outside of not actually attaching any blame for what he did, that sort of is like “making him lose”. New York is fining Trump $10,000 daily, which who knows, he might get around to paying someday.
Trump Defense Secretary Mark Esper’s new book “A Sacred Oath,” doesn’t pertain to any oath Esper made to defend the United States, or else Mark wouldn’t have waited until his book came out to relate how Donald Trump planned to shoot Patriot missiles across the US border into drug labs. Trump thought that a real patriot missile would blow up some Mexicans and sign a non-disclosure agreement to protect him, but Esper and the deep state just wouldn’t allow it.
Democrats can’t keep from saying the “D-word”... I will now give you two links mentioning the word. Do not read them out loud or share them with others. The rules just are not the same for non-Republicans. Few things used to trigger civil war, but that number is multiplying quickly.
Brazil’s President Jair Bolsonaro likes what he has seen in the US these last 6 years and will be try out auditing the country’s voting system following his upcoming loss.
A Texas Army National Guard soldier died while trying to save immigrants from drowning. The Navy is investigating the recent deaths of 7 crewmembers of the USS George Washington.
Darwin H.M., aka @Darwin_Darko, aka the most reasonable man in America, aka KITM’s Black Correspondent, reports that Harvard University noticed it had benefited from the institution of slavery (as pretty much every other institution in the US) and will issue reparations. Darwin wants the recipients to have a say on what form reparations will be presented.
May the fifth be with you today. It’s America Gets Drunk Celebrating September 16 Day!
David Waldman and Greg Dworkin break open a 2-hour piñata of news and information:
Say what you will about Louie Gohmert, but there’s probably no video of him in his impetuous 20’s, naked, humping his buddy’s head… well, maybe a reel of Super 8. As for Madison Cawthorn, presently in his impetuous 20’s, there’s no such luck. Madison now holds the title of Dumbest MF in DC, not for the things he has been caught at, but for believing Democrats have anything to do about his plight.
Meanwhile, Republicans are putting a hold on their cocaine orgies to hunt down the Supreme Court Leaker. Senator Jon Tester believes the Justices weren’t being honest during their testimony and probably intended to take away people’s rights after all. Republicans can’t believe we fell for it and didn’t understand that all they needed to do was find 5 people to change the rules for 330 million. Joe Biden has been telling everyone for around 40 years about their threat to abortion, contraception, marriage, and privacy. Samuel Alito isn’t wasting his chance to realize the White Christian Nationalist fantasy of the 1950’s, Sam is aiming for the White Christianity of the 1730’s.
It is not the 1730’s anymore, however. No one wants an abortion ban. Americans would prefer these 5 people would just cut it out, and that someone would actually represent them. The minority plan is to get their 5 to rig as much as they can.
Believe it or not, there might be worse coming down the pipeline. The thing to remember is that they only seem big and scary. Stand up to them and even the worse will fold.
So, what will Russia celebrate on Victory Day, May 9? Ukraine is already sending them off with fireworks. (Assisted by a little American know-how.)
1 million dead in the US due to COVID-19, and yet so many still don’t quite understand the situation yet. You’d think professional journalists might be better informed.
Donald Trump had to pay about half of what he owed from what he stole way back in 2017. That’ll teach him!
The leak of a draft majority opinion overruling Roe v. Wade might have knocked Ukraine out of the headlines yesterday, but it wasn’t the cause for yesterday’s KITM disappearance. That was due to an almost completely planned errand by honcho-host David Waldman. Greg Dworkin spent yesterday constructively, loading up his ever-loving raft o’ stories detailing the uproar.
Or, “uproars”… The Right is still fighting to say the N-word, but they finally got to shout “Insurrection!” from every rooftop. The Supreme Court had its autonomy and right to privacy torn away by a vicious leaker… probably BLM or Antifa… which is the worst thing to happen to the United States in all of history, if you discount the rest of history. Susan Collins and Lisa Murkowski have never had a guy lie to them before, and Brett seemed like such a nice guy too. The Republican playbook got a new addendum of talking points.
The Right isn’t so bent out of shape about the abortion issue. 50 years ago, they simply brushed themselves off and started shooting, bombing, lighting fires and founding an ideological legal movement designed to win it back. That is Samuel Alito’s and Donald Trump’s plan. Well, Donald’s pretty dumb, but Sam knows what he wants and how to get it. Yes, this Supreme Court is out of step with most Americans. How dare they tell a woman what she can and cannot do with her own body? How can they ignore democracy and established precedent, simple logic and any sort of human decency? Well, if you haven’t figured that out yet, they are prepared to show you.
Anyone expecting to change this situation in a year or two might be frustrated looking at the latest political contenders. Really, really, frustrated.
Meanwhile, Covid. God gave Michele Bachmann a little dose of it. Anthony Fauci did not go to the White House Correspondents' Dinner, but Pete Davidson did.
Also, Russia’s still losing. Give Russia a battlefield and they’ll lose on it. Forty thousand NATO troops hope Putin believes that an armed border is a polite border. Can you believe that Trump’s Department of Homeland Security lied about Russia?
Whoops!
What a day to be out! But maybe it's for the best, just for today. Maybe you'd rather just wrap yourself up in the comfort of an old show. Like our May 3, 2021 episode.
David Waldman and Greg Dworkin were back together again! Their pent-up news energy threatened to explode at any minute (as did Greg’s computer).
Good news! The world has emerged victorious over influenza this year! COVID-19, not yet. India is calling their pandemic response a crime against humanity.
In the US, “herd immunity” has probably fallen out of reach, but we might not need to achieve it to reach normalcy, which could mean something like seasonal flu death rates. About 56% of U.S. adults have received at least one shot, with the more vaccinated areas receiving more benefits. The Johnson & Johnson pause didn’t really increase vaccine hesitancy, it’s just that some will get around to it when they get around to it, and some are just cops, and you go and try to make a cop do a thing.
Even fake cops can be pretty cocky, although the “Arizona Rangers” are just grifters with badges.
Schools got air TROUBLE my friend! With a capital ”T”, that rhymes with “P” and that stands for “unproven” air cleaner technology sold by traveling hucksters, looking for their piece of institutional pie.
Meanwhile, Republicans be Republicaning. Systemic racism got them here, but lies… and more lies will need to keep them here. Republicans long for the days when their insurrecting had a shelf life. One news team plans on remembering for once. The Gop hopes that more poll watchers will abuse their positions in the future. Of course, they assume poll watchers are just like them.
The Giuliani two-man clown car is crashing and burning, and you can bet they’ll find more clowns in the trunk.
The nation smiles at President Joe Biden, and Uncle Joe smiles back in unity. Republicans might even be feeling it a little bit.
Kagro in the Morning Worldwide licensed merchandise continues to hit snags. Our KITM-embossed ashtrays have been underscoring in focus groups, and now our Kagro-blooey! ™ unexploded artillery shells have run into an indefinite shipping delay. Where David Waldman comes up short in self-marketing though, he more than makes up in dropping dope bars.
Hey, it’s Monday so Greg Dworkin is here to lead the roundup:
The cringe of the White House Correspondents' Association dinner has been rebooted now that we aren’t overwhelmed with cringe on a daily basis. Is there such a thing as a White House Correspondent anymore? If reporters know, they aren’t telling. President Joe joked about his low ratings, but perhaps that joke is done, since Biden is beginning to climb back up. Perhaps now’s the time to look into student loan forgiveness?
Elon Musk might not be able to define free speech, but he knows it when he sees it, and it’s whatever the market will allow. And as long as rich white guys like him are the market that is what it will be.
Unyielding conservative publisher of the unyielding conservative Manchester Union Leader newspaper constantly molested his daughter.
Donald Trump wanted to shoot protesters around the White House in June 2020. In a few months he developed a different viewpoint, as did many in the GQP. The RNC’s lawsuit to stop the Jan. 6 select committee from finding just how different that viewpoint was, has been rejected in court. A special grand jury has been opened in Georgia to gather evidence relating to possible criminal charges on the Trump coup. One day Donald will discover what Madison Cawthorn is now learning, that no one gets beat on like a failed bully.
Which brings us, and legions of hackers, to Russia. Russia continues to fail in Ukraine. Another of Putin’s main men is finding the dangers of in-person visits over phoning it in from Moscow. Meanwhile, Nancy Pelosi walks right into Kyiv to meet President Volodymyr Zelensky.
It’s Friday! David Waldman dismisses class for the… WAIT FOR IT… only an hour fifty-eight to go.
Twitter is about to be Elon Musk’s new pet. Buying it sounded like fun, but owning it… housebreaking it, feeding it every day…. That sounds like “work”. What is the world’s most powerful lazy sociopath to do?
The Republican blueprint to steal the 2024 election is being strictly adhered to, as guided by the Republican playbook. The only rule is that Donald Trump rules, and all Donald Trump wants to do is punish his enemies, which are absolutely everyone. Would Donald take a job as Speaker of the House when the position traditionally involves “work”? What is the world’s most powerful lazy sociopath to do?
Even with a blueprint and a playbook, some Republicans just aren’t team players. Madison Cawthorn has wandered off the field more times than people can count, and Marjorie Traitor Greene fights anyone in her path, even her own teammates, and is now heading into the stands to headbutt former fans, like the Catholic Church. Greene was Catholic until she realized the Church is run by Satan and are all pedophiles. Everyone wants string up Marge and Madge, but no one really knows who gets to pull the trap door.
Politico and Axios just wish everybody would be equally good or bad, so that they could only hit send and take off for the weekend.
David Waldman welcomes us, and Greg Dworkin to Thor’s Day, which Elon hasn’t bought yet. Good luck prying that one from Disney.
Donald Trump described in an October 2021 deposition the one condition that would prompt the President of the United States to demand his followers commit violent acts against other citizens: If he heard they were going to do tomato. It's worse than tomato. He heard they might pineapple or do banana. It’s very dangerous stuff!
Just call Trump a loser. Multiple RNC staffers have said pretty much that to the January 6 panel. Kevin McCarthy told a lot of people that, before he didn’t. A lot of people told Mark Meadows that, before they didn’t. Remembering things from day to day can be troublesome. Marjorie Traitor Greene isn’t even certain that she was her a year ago. Soon Greene will say the Devil made her say Satan controls the Catholic church.
After an existentialist crisis, Germany realized Ukrainians would cease to exist without German weapon shipments. After its gas was turned off Bulgaria went full Ukraine and will increase its direct aid. Beloved celebrities can end up supporting the bad guys when their money is at stake. Soviet-Afghan War era ultranationalists were once anti-war but are now old, xenophobic fascists eager to send others to their deaths. Russia and Belarus hope to put the old gang back together again, while the US better be thinking of getting out while the getting’s good.
Mike Lindell paid teams of Republican conspirators to make eight attempts to breach voting systems in five states and not one of them are in a federal penitentiary yet.
Emmanuel Macron won election in France because he got more votes and Marine Le Pen did not. Macron got the most votes in two presidential elections because France understands that he is the leader they need.
David Waldman and Greg Dworkin deliver another KITM still completely untainted by billionaires.
In other world domination news, Russia ain’t doing so well. There are mysterious explosions throughout Russia, or at least they’re a mystery to Russians, especially Russian commanders who find it hard to stay in one piece, even on their side of the front. No one expected a woke army to be so tough to fight. No one expected Vladimir Putin’s planning to be so inadequate. No one expected Joe Biden’s handling of Ukraine to be so disciplined and appropriate. Unless they put some thought into it, of course.
Rand Paul isn’t interested thata decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation, blah blah blah, but why isn’t Ukraine more interested in making the Union of Soviet Socialist Republics great again?
Is Rand always a pursed-mouth pompous prick, or does he just play one on TV? Kevin McCarthy, and several other members of the GQP were caught acting as if they weren’t imbeciles on audio. Which, if there’s one thing Republican voters would never abide, it would be that. Expert on shameless idiocy Tucker Carlson now has his panties in a bunch over this eruption of rationality.
You will never catch Madison Cawthorn being intelligent, but you have a great chance of catching him doing everything else. If Cawthorn can be reelected, we might just deserve everything coming our way. What could Matt Maddock have possibly done to have himself ejected from the Michigan House Republican Caucus? Don’t they know that Matt is a great personal friend of Donald Trump? Does Trump? Evan McMullin promises to not care about anyone if elected.
Marine Le Pen will have a hard time being France’s Trump if she can’t domineer her idiots. Is Hungary’s Viktor Orbán evangelicals’ new Vladimir Putin?
COVID-19. Half of us caught it, and so has Kamala Harris.
Elon Musk was thwarted in his hostile takeover of KITM yesterdaywhen the board of directors of Twitter, Inc. stepped in front of the bullet for us. Twitter users will now need to transition from dealing with many trolls to dealing with all the trolls. Or, Elon might just flick a switch and turn it all off, once he becomes bored.
It takes more than $44 billion to buy David Waldman. Probably. Only one way to find out.
A new book comes out every week revealing new details on the planning and execution of Donald Trump's coup on January 6, 2021. Then there’s Mark Meadows’ 2,319 text messages spelling out (even when the participants can’t spell) how many were in on the insurrection from the get-go. Propublica has released exhaustive research on the creation of the Big Lie which was pretty much the foundation of the insurrection. You know who’s not worried by this evidence? Yep, you know who.
Joan McCarter reported last week on President Joe Biden’s plan to request more Ukraine aid, which normally wouldn’t be a problem with Republicans who like military spending and need to pretend to love Ukraine. Of course, finding support for COVID-19, climate, energy, etc. withJoe Manchin and Kyrsten Sinema will be impossible. Biden can figure out how to do it without them, and as for Joe Manchin, his popularity just keeps going up, so…
Never content to repeat their war crimes, Russia is bringing back an oldie, fléchettes, which are turning up in civilians left in mass graves. Meanwhile, Ukraine’s ballistic missiles are turning up in Russian fuel and ammo depots. The next country on Russia’s hit list, Moldova, is not as land-locked as we thought, as it shares the Port of Giurgiulești with Romania. Eh, what’s another country or two to Vlad?
Romania might have one less Trumper to worry about after the King of Toxic Masculinity was somehow linked to human trafficking.
David Waldman, Greg Dworkin and all of us here at KITM World Headquarters hope that you had a happy Eastern Orthodox Easter weekend. Not a joke! It does always seem a bit late, but this year they might have wanted to even wait a while more.
The Russian army continues to fight in Ukraine for Vladimir Putin’s life. They talk like they’re planning on adding Moldova to their world domination tour (with a short stop at the Aunt Anne’s), while in actuality their fighting capacity has dropped, from World War III to World War II, to World War I, and should be around the Ukrainian War of Independence by next week.
France wins over fascism, again. Emmanuel Macron “won” the election by “getting more votes”, but damn it, winning elections only aggravates the losers, and really, can the world withstand election losers being polarized so often? Slovenia ran into a similar problem, with its centrist voters voting out the Trumpers there, which can only serve to grump out the authoritarian government aficionados around the world. Peaceniks in Finland and Sweden are beginning to see NATO membership as a good way to keep the peace.
Elon Musk might actually buy Twitter, which should fix nothing for anybody, which could be the intent. Another pointless troll, Ron DeSantis is basking in the afterglow of dropping a turd in Disney’s punchbowl while still in the middle of laughing at the people who fell for his banning of math textbooks. The right has already moved onto banning sports for being too woke and gay. At least they can still watch Marvel movies. Then there’s Perjury Traitor Greene. How can she be guilty if she can’t even spell it?
In North Carolina, a local election chief was threatened by a Republican leader seeking illegal access to voting equipment. You’d think threatening someone to do something illegal would itself be illegal, but then you aren’t Jonathan Turley. You wouldn’t get far in a Republican primary either.
Oh, yeah, we still have a COVID pandemic. If only red areas felt the same about population mixing as they do about racial mixing, we might all be doing better.
David Waldman made it the end of the week without losing his mind yet, so let’s all hold it together for a couple more hours and hear what he has to say:
A performer at a haunted house was shot when a man shot him with a gun that he thought was a prop. Many guns are props, but unfortunately, they are still guns. Yep, everyone knows that. Still happens, though. Guns killed more people ages 1 to 19 in the U.S. than vehicle crashes, drugs overdoses or cancer. You know that most of those guns were bought for home safety.
Kevin McCarthy said Donald Trump was to blame for January 6! Then defended Trump in public! McCarthy said Trump was “feckless, spineless” and a “liar” … and yet, Kevin is all three of those! Also! Everybody also knew what McCarthy thought of Trump long ago, from a previous time he was caught on tape. Liz Cheney doesn’t know where you got those tapes, but in case you’re interested she has many, many more. Remember back in Watergate, when Republicans were honest?
Mark Meadows, election integrity warrior, was simultaneously registered to vote in three states. The Judge that threw out the Federal mask mandate did so on behalf of a group devoted to their body, their choice, while new anti-abortion laws will now restrict interstate travel, which you’d think was unconstitutional, and what about emoluments, huh?
Republicans live their whole lives then one day suddenly realize how furious they are about wearing masks, not being allowed to say the N word, math textbooks… and Disney World! Tomorrow they will just as furiously believe the opposite. Don’t they know what kind ofhypocritical self-serving dimwits they seem like?
And, that’s the game. The playbook says, “They will say you’re a hypocrite. Don’t worry. Keep going. This wastes their time and when you win, you will be right and what they say won’t matter.”
David Waldman and Greg Dworkin wedged some big rafts o’ stories into the dock today!
Emmanuel Macron remains France’s least-worst option, because Le Pen couldn’t be less worse for all the people.
Over in Ukraine, Putin’s genocide isn’t exactly going as he planned. That won’t stop Vlad from declaring “Mission Accomplished” in Mariupol, ignoring those obstinate Ukrainian Troops hanging about. Russia does completely control the gravel that used to be Mariupol however, which seems to be the essence of the Russian army strategy for the next couple of weeks in advance of their big victory party. Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelenskyy continues to be a great leader that plays one on TV. German Chancellor Olaf Scholz offered Ukraine a billion euros worth of arms… but he seems to have misplaced the requisition form somewhere.
Graphic schmuck on schmuck violence erupted on the set of Piers Morgan Uncensored recently.Sadly, both survived. In fact, this bromeopathic therapy will probably do wonders for our former guy’s macho image. Trump can’t lose, as long as he keeps winning. Steve KG Bannon first harnessed the power of angry assholes in large groups but needed Trump to be their king. Alex Jones, once the prince of pricks, has fallen from grace, and is reaching out to the Justice Department to snitch away some jail time. The throne is never empty for long and Chaya Raichik of Libs of TikTok is the newest ass in it. The New York Times is certain there must be somebody on the left just like each of the above examples.
Ron DeSantis wrecks vengeance upon the Happiest Place on Earth to bring it a bit closer to Florida levels. Desantis’ other crusade is against dangerous math textbooks, and for their replacement by one single publisher linked to Virginia’s Glenn Youngkin.
Marjorie Traitor Greene might be one of the first Reb officers to be questioned under oath, but she won’t be the last. Mitch McConnell and Kevin McCarthy were shocked to their senses for a moment after January 6 but slid back quickly under their respective rocks.
Donald Trump says that if New York really wanted those subpoenaed documents, they should have called before he ate them.
Hoorah! **David Waldman** and **Greg Dworkin** again wield the full force of the internet to bear us athwart the hebdomad convexity:
Vladimir Putin is presently fighting World War III, or at least World War II, in Ukraine. Vlad’s definitely writing checks he cannot cash. Meanwhile, Ukraine’s rich uncle is going to make it rain, as howitzers, helicopters, tanks and fighter jets are now beginning to pop up like daisies.
You can put time and effort into pointing out the illogic, hypocrisy and stupidity of the Right’s ideas, as many have for a generation or two, but keep in mind that they will be spending their time making those ideas reality. Why yes, that judge’s opinion striking down the airplane mask mandate is quite idiotic. Everybody on both sides knows that. So, what are you going to do about it? The Biden administration may not do anything, because maybe Republicans would then make another law to prove that reality wrong. David suggests that if Democrats don’t have the courage to challenge one judge’s incredibly silly, paper-thin decision, that perhaps instead they could make the breathtaking historical gambit of… yeah, right.
The illogic, hypocrisy and stupidity therefore continue. Ron DeSantis’ office doxxes the public but is sad to be doxxed. Ron is punishing Disney by threatening to take away $2 billion of their debt and passing it along to the taxpayer. Marjorie Traitor Greene might actually be forced into acting rationally, but don’t bet on it. Mike Lee could also come clean, but Mark Meadows hasn’t told him what to say yet. Somebody honest could turn up yet in front of the committee, you never know. Even the state of Tennessee behaves reasonably, sometimes.
Munchies? Just because it’s floating in a rainbow above your head doesn’t mean it’s all magically delicious… but it probably is, so go for it!
Good news! If I understand correctly, those of you with toddlers in tow need not invest in diapers for those long flights, or any public transportation for that matter. Some would have you believe that might be “unsanitary" but actually, diapers don’t really “clean” anything (look it up) and when they get full everybody gets cranky, and no one has a right to tell me…
Oh wait. I’ve just been informed that I don’t understand correctly at all. Well, I’m still a better judge than Kathryn Kimball Mizelle, who just voided the Centers for Disease Control-issued mask mandate. They haven’t made a diaper big enough to hold an opinion like this one.
David Waldman and Joan McCarter have the dirty job of opening this and a few other nappies today:
Most of the people who attempted the overthrow of the United States are still trying to this day. John Eastman, who has been working at that for decades, isstill withholding around 37,000 pages of documents from the January 6 committee. Utah Senator Mike Lee did all he could to facilitate Donald Trump’s coup. Mike worked to subvert democracy for months, put in the long hours, begged Mark Meadows for more chances to crush America, and yet Lee remains a sitting Senator, still clocking in, committing subversion and getting paid for it. A federal judge has denied Marjorie Traitor Greene’s restraining order on disqualifying her from running for office. In frustration, Marj spun in circles revving her chainsaw.
You see, all of this and more is more than reason to expand the Supreme Court, and to not lose in November.
Looking for something entertaining, educational, and two hours long? You’ve come to the right place! Well, almost. We’re right up there… what, maybe two inches away, max? But, if you can’t find us here, check us out over at Libsyn or at YouTube, where you’ll always find us, never too far from “kangaroo fights”.
David Waldman counts down the days to Eastern Orthodox Easter, somehow the source of 80% of our humor here. Greg Dworkin calls a meeting in the KITM War Room to discuss the upcoming Battle of the Donbas. It’s not a secret meeting, in fact everyone everywhere can plainly see everything going down. A retired Russian colonel demonstrated that he was way smarter than any dead general by predicting where Russian troops would find themselves today, three weeks before the war began. Ukraine decided to not wait for Russians to get their act together and began pinching off their pincer movement early. Russian checks bouncing is a real problem as their war machine runs on foreign components. In fact, Russia will eventually lose when it gives up. The sinking of Russia’s flagship is bad news for everyone’s navy, however.
Alex Jones' InfoWars files for bankruptcy, probably forcing Alex into hosting a show on CNN. Newsrooms aren’t stupid and evil, they’ve only sold themselves to stupid and evil people. Not every stupid and evil person is rich though. Marjorie Traitor Greene makes a lot, spends even more. Madison Cawthorn might need to throw a bake sale at his next cocaine orgy. Mike Lee spent 14 hours a day trying to help Donald Trump overthrow the government, and what thanks does he get? John Eastman has spent decades plotting coups and what has he ever gotten out of it? Not enough, that’s for sure.
For more than a generation, Project Blitz has strived to be the Christian nationalist-dominionist ALEC for local government, and unfortunately, they’ve been pretty good at it.
Emmanuel Macron leads Marine Le Pen before the vote, but what counts is who leads after the vote.
You thought last week had a good Friday? Just wait until you catch what David Waldman has in store for today!
More and more texts are emerging revealing the criminality of the criminals behind the January 6 insurrection. Mike Lee of Utah and Chip Roy of Texas bombarded Mark Meadows with helpful hints on how to reinstall Donald Trump, including bringing in “straight shooter” Sidney Powell.
Texas Governor Gregg Abbott discovered that no day is a good day for traffic problems coming in from the border. The DC-Ontario Trucker Caravan couldn’t have blocked traffic and commerce more completely. Speaking of trafficking, Gregg will be moving as many as 900 busses of immigrants across state lines, on expense-paid trips out of danger and into sanctuary. Abbott hopes that Republicans will let him slide on his accidental care for the oppressed, and to please understand that he really meant to do harm.
Everyone hates to lose arguments, be proven wrong, and to be made fun of. The best way to fix that would be to buy the forum that you are being criticized on and then feed it into a woodchipper. Not everyone is able to do that of course, so instead they become one of the 5 Supreme Court justices for whom winning is not enough, they also refuse to hear dissent. Remember Sandra Day O’Connor and Ruth Bader Ginsburg? Amy Klobuchar wants to help keep their memory alive with new statues in the Capitol. Many couch cushions were flipped to find the money for those statues.
David Waldman and Greg Dworkin are back, baby.
In Ukraine, Russia had its flagship shot out of the water like a Muscovy sitting duck. (China should worry that someone might develop a taste for Peking sitting duck.) Russia didn’t plan on bad roads and weather for their war, and their U-haul is almost out of rentals.
Slovakia is sending Ukraine a Soviet-era air defense system as it does seem that they are fighting a Soviet-era army. Slovakia is a NATO country, as Sweden and Finland will be soon. Russia threatens the Baltics with whatever they have left once they are finished with Ukraine. Meanwhile, Latin American countries volunteer to take one big step back from this thing. It seems that Russia’s only remaining friends are too tied up in their 2022 election campaigns to really help.
Emmanuel Macron and Joe Biden have had a hard time enthusing their lefties.
Mitch McConnell knew about Donald Trump’s plan to overthrow the United States, but you didn’t know about that because these two guys wanted to sell a book.
Time for some traffic problems on the Texas border as Governor Greg Abbot tries out New Jersey politics on Joe Biden. North Carolina is taking steps to keep Mark Meadows from committing voter fraud, a crime so vile hanging would be too good for him, unless he’s a Republican, and then Civics class would be more than enough. The upcoming trend in conservative thought is to kill public school teachers, or at least call for their deaths, which is hardly as bad, right? Glenn Youngkin wants a piece of that action, which he likes to call “transparency and accountability”. He also likes to pick fights with Loudoun County, every Virginian red county’s idea of woke commies. Loudoun School Board Elections happen every four years, but Glenn says why not three, just this once? Youngkin pulled that idea right out of his tip line... or not. Why would you think transparency and accountability pertained to him? When not pwning Loudoun, Glenn Youngkin spends his time vetoing bills and cutting taxes to whip inflation.
88-year-old Sen. Dianne Feinstein's reelection plans might have hit a stumbling block, as she becomes less and less available in this reality.
David Waldman is still “out”, but never out of things to say! Thus, while David’s wife and kid are treated to a LIVE Kagro in the Car this morning, we likewise score an ALL-NEW hour of pre-recorded KITM!
The State Department reports that the White House gift records for Donald Trump and Mike Pence are MISSING! Whaaaaaaaa? If only somebody had done something when they said we couldn’t instead of waiting until now when they say we can’t!
Idiots, sycophants, and lunatics flock to Mar-a-Lago in order to leap into bullshit so concentrated that it has collapsed into a spacetime singularity focused on late 2020. However, even Donald Trump can’t believe how long and how far Wisconsin Michael Gableman has been able carry his farce.
Ron DeSantis wastes everyone’s time screwing with people probably just to bait reporters into accusing him of wasting everyone’s time for partisan reasons. Glenn Youngkin vetoes 25 bipartisan bills and looks forward to working together with the members of the General Assembly by vetoing whatever else they come up with.
Today, as David Waldman carries on in his quest for an establishment of higher learning worthy of his son, it is an excellent opportunity to check out the two finest exemplars of Republican wunderkinds, Jared Kushner and Donald Trump Jr.
After solving world peace and the COVID pandemic, Jared Kushner set out to make his name in private equity investment. So, one day Jared popped his head out of Saudi Crown Prince Mohammed bin Salman’s pocket to ask for some money. Unfortunately, Jared had no experience no experience running an investment fund, which MBS’ssovereign wealth fund advisors pointed out, and that along with the issue of Kushner’s operation being unsatisfactory in all aspects, and Jared’s unfortunate predilection of associating with the most unsavory and corrupt scoundrels might all sully the Saudi Kingdom’s honor. Nonetheless, the crown prince saw something special in the young man, and worthy of investment, and MBS tossed Jared a couple of billion, raising the total worth of Kushner’s company to around $2.5 billion.
On the other hand, Don Jr. has some catching up to do if he wants to earn Donald Trump’s love. There was a time, before 2020’s votes were even counted, when Junior had operational control. He had multiple paths, and he controlled them all. It was very simple, but Don failed again. Someday, Dad!
Surprise! David Waldman planned a series of pre-recorded, all-new KITM episodes to fill in while he college shopped with his kid this week. Then, as luck would have it (good luck!) Greg Dworkin popped in and they were able to squeak out a LIVE show this morning! It’s only one hour long though, so if you really require a two hour show, you will need to play it at .5 speed:
The better part of valor is discretion, but Vladimir Putin’s just not in the mood. Russia is not wisely retreating, so its only option would be to really ramp up the atrocities. Thus, the Russian army now heads out to “fix” the Donbas. This isn’t a guess — we’re all watching them. Americans are happy and united to help. Germany is ready to supply up to 50 tanks to Ukraine, although they haven’t quite got their heads together yet. Finland and Sweden are raring to go, daring Vlad to come up their way and make them stop. Former senior director for European and Russian affairs on the National Security Council, Fiona Hill reminds us that Donald Trump is a Putin wannabee.
The January 6 committee knows Trump is a criminal more than anybody, but aren’t sure they need to tell the Justice Department something they know just as well.
Most Americans know why gas prices are high.
Dr. Anthony Fauci will tell you COVID isn’t going away. Chinese could tell you how bad it is in China, but then they would be the ones going away.
Elon Musk has better things to do than run Twitter, so he won’t be reinstalling Donald Trump, let alone Juanita Broaddrick.
It’s not Good Friday, but it’s always a great Friday with David Waldman and KITM!
Nancy Pelosi, President Joe Biden's sister, and Jill Biden’s press secretary all caught the new (but not newest) COVID variant this week, along with a big chunk of DC, for yet another superspreader event to not get worked up over… but do stay careful out there!
Russians are probably war criminals, certainly assholes, and will soon be on the ash heap of history but should never be confused with the Soviet Union. David explains where that went wrong at the United Nations.
Donald Trump struck a defiant posture and repeated false claims the other day… and also today and will do it tomorrow too. We all hold Donald in contempt, but New York Attorney General Letitia James wants to make it official and charge Trump $10,000 a day until he turns over subpoenaed documents. Meanwhile, the Justice Department has begun investigating the former guy’s theft of 15 boxes of White House records.
The Tennessee bill allowing a man the freedom to marry a woman, free of the constraints of age or any other competency in giving consent, was actually intended to invalidate the marriages of men with men, or women with women. Tennesseans also will soon have the freedom to deworm without the embarrassment of talking to a pharmacist.
The Supreme Court has recently avoided their embarrassment and hassle of explaining their decisions while overthrowing precedent through shadow dockets. From now on, let’s treat their opinions as “opinions”.
A couple of guys told Secret Service agents that they were with the Department of Homeland Security, and really why shouldn’t they be believed? After all, they gave everybody a bunch of really cool stuff for free! However, no one ever expected that the crime-fighting inspectors from the Postal Service would come along and break up the fun.
David Waldman welcomes Greg Dworkin back to KITM, and all is right in the world. At least, our little corner of it.
RIP Eric Boehlert, renown for asking questions many would not. Boehlert left a few big unanswered questions, killed bicycling, by a train. As young as age 57, he might have been only half finished.
Russia has been suspended from U.N. Human Rights Council for systematic violations of human rights in Ukraine. You know they’re losing bad when atrocities become their strategy. Russian troops realized they might be leaving too much evidence about and deployed mobile crematoria… “recruiting locals” to load the bodies. U.S. Secretary of State Antony Blinken sees “no scenario” in which Ukraine does not win, but as the Russian military teeters on collapse, feeding their surviving troops back into the maw of the front, they will just become more vicious.
Maybe someone should drop expensive headphones around Ukraine, and lock drones on their signals the following day?
A lot of people feel the need to hype the fear of Nazis, but how many really are in Ukraine?
COVID poop water is on the rise as the BA.2 subvariant becomes 72 percent of new Covid cases. Coronavirus variant XE is some new stuff brewing in India. Pity the fools who think the pandemic is over. Nancy Pelosi just tested positive, as well as the two Cabinet members, two members of Congress and a top aide to Vice President Harris who were at Saturday’s Gridiron Club dinner. It could have been worse, as there was a little rabies running around that night also.
Donald Trump says Donald Trump things at whoever is around. It is one of those things you can expect to happen most of the time. Oh look, yet another former Trump official seems to have done a voter fraud. Steven KG Bannon runs out of excuses for defying subpoenas. Kevin McCarthy hates the trend of criminalizing criminals and isn’t sure if he wants to live in a country where the law can’t be ignored. A Virginia state court has disbarred the go-to attorney for seditionists, now what will they do?
David Waldman slipped Greg Dworkin’s timecard through the clock today as Greg’s off “on assignment”, or something. Don’t worry, Greg should be back tomorrow!
A Tennessee bill proposes to eliminate pedophilia simply... by putting a ring on it. No longer will marriage be held back by age, psychiatric disorders or mental capacity. It’s not “grooming” if your spouse isn’t old enough to comb their own hair, is it? TN Representative John Rose met his future wife back in high school… when he was agriculture commissioner. Fellow TN Rep. David Byrd was named chairman of an education subcommittee, and in three women's sexual assault allegations from when he was a high school coach. Byrd has learned his lesson… at least about vaccination, once COVID almost killed him.
So, that's why it's “Moms for Liberty” pushing “Don’t Say Gay” bills in red states, because man, you don’t want to consider the “Dad”s’ histories… but let’s! For instance, Dennis Hastert was the longest Republican-complicit, felon/Speaker of the House in history. Then there’s Rep. Mark Foley. You might remember him in connection with “The Mark Foley Scandal”, in which he texted… uhm, ewwwwwww! Anyhow, like Hastert and several other Dads for Liberty, Mark was very, very anti-gay, in theory.
Ohio’s “Don’t Say Gay” clone bill was recently introduced by Jean “Mean Jean” Schmidt, who identifies as “female” presumably, or else why would they have let her in the Capitol women’s restroom to sully Michelle Bachmann’s vomit?
David Waldman delivers the Tuesday KITM and pizza… No, he thought you were bringing the pizza!
Remember the good old days, when ducks didn’t wear pants, unless they were female, so they had a bow and no one asked questions and everything was great? Ron DeSantis does, or at least he mandates that from now on that everyone will pretend that is the case. Anti-mandates and anti-cancel culture are so yesterday for Republicans! Why even anti-CRT is beginning to feel a bit passé once they felt the warmth of their new dirty word, “grooming” pass over their lips. Marjorie Traitor Greene got overly excited and called all Democrats and many Republicans pro-pedophiles. Tennessee figured out how to eliminate pedophilia the old-fashioned way. Florida’s solution to Black voting was deplorable enough to finally catch a Federal judge’s attention.
No state cares less about any Constitution than Ohio. Facing contempt charges for violating their Constitution, state Republicans explain their job is only to stamp “approved” on whatever redistricting map was in their in-box.
Ohio’s redistricting maps were “complete” like Trump’s phone logs are “complete”, in that’s about as complete as they want to make them. There’s no missing information as far as Trump staff are concerned, because they did not intend to supply the information in the first place.
Joan McCarter reports that Ketanji Brown Jackson is almost a Supreme Court justice, in spite of Republican efforts, which will turn into a full blockade if they get the power. That doesn’t mean they aren’t furiously rowing backwards on everything already. Republican-in-everything-but-name-only Joe Manchin doesn’t remember what approving a bill is like anymore. Joe Manchin will show everyone what real inflation is, right before the election.
David Waldman and Greg Dworkin are together again for a new KITM! That’s the good news today. The rest, well...
At Donald Trump’s latest Big Lie Jamboree, Michigan congresswoman Lisa McClain got to bring her lie game up to the podium, telling the crowd about how Donald caught Bin Ladin. Yes, Lisa McClain is an actual member of Congress, and not a Cecily Strong character, yet. Whatever can be said at a MAGA rally, the crowd will always be at least two lies ahead. The infrastructure to support such delusion is daunting and requires a steady feed of lies. Removing viewers from the Fox News teat for only a month tends to wean them for good. CBS hired Trump flunky Mick Mulvaney for access to just that kind of viewer.
Americans strongly disapprove of how the GQP treated Ketanji Brown Jackson. That doesn’t trouble Republicans, nor will it alter their plans. Just wait until there’s a replacement that alters the balance of the rigging they already put into place and see how they behave. In Ohio, land of bad haircuts and worse ethics, Secretary of State Frank LaRose certainly wouldn’t mind it if the Ohio Supreme Court Chief were to be impeached for following the Ohio Constitution. His legislature flushed their constitution a couple of decades ago.
By the way, the Jan. 6 committee is now wondering if a criminal referral for Donald Trump would really be necessary, considering how they are a little behind in stuff and all. Donald Trump will continue being a criminal, probably for the rest of all of our lifetimes.
Donald Trump has no reason to believe that lies and bluffs wouldn’t carry him forever. Neither did Vladimir Putin, until very recently. At that point, putting up and shutting up became equally bad choices so Vlad picked the one that might potentially kill him last.
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This morning, **David Waldman** was late packing school lunches and just hadn’t the time for fooling around. If you are in the mood for that kind of stuff, you can check out our *KITM Eastern Orthodox April Fool's Day Special*, tomorrow…
David looks back at the Ukraine Aid Freeze of 2019, because it was withheld in the never-ending pursuit of dirt, has always been lied about, and will be lied about in the future.
Newly elected Lauren Boebert was already an insurrectionist VIP on January 6, with a seat at the insurrectionist planning committee, right behind Mr. Pillow! Lauren didn’t crash the party though; Boebert earned her seat leading insurrectionist tours the day before.
Horse paste does not cure COVID-19. Most who take it are idiots. Idiots do remain Republicans’ most important constituency, however, so the sacred right to brush your teeth with the stuff will never be infringed upon. An anti-masker in Pennsylvania did her research, not on masks but on arcane local procedural provisions, to oust 5 out of 9 of her school board members. Conservatives now embrace QAnon's "liberals are pedophiles", and “great replacement” doctrines, even taking Disney flat-footed.
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Kick in some money and you’d be amazed at what we at *KITM* can do.
David Waldman reads viewer mail, in which we hear Greg Dworkin’s dog Abby is more than just a doorbell: she’s 50% pointer, 50% retriever, and 100% attractive to skunks. David explains Nike swooshes, French pop music, how some Steve Millers are better than others, and why our loving wives keep pointing us toward more lucrative careers, like perhaps, Walmart greeters.
We discover little about the Five Brothers Waldman, other than Paul Waldman may not be one. Paul, however, gives us a heads up on the QAnon buzzword/Republican dog whistle “groomer”, which will spread like wildfire when your aunt thinks she learned a new dirty word. Madison Cawthorn did break the first rule of Republican Sex Cult, which in turn got him called to Kevin McCarthy’s office… and not just for hookers and blow either. Primaries are the bus Republicans are most often thrown under.
Mick Mulvaney must still be invited to the parties, because that is exactly the advantage CBS sees in him. Some at CBS just don’t get the benefit of access journalism though.
The DOJ is expanding its January 6 probe to include the insurrection rally. It looks like a few of Donald Trump’s phone calls fell off of the White House log. Trump is in so much trouble that the only person he can turn to is… Vladimir Putin. Vlad has enough problems at the moment, however. His Russian army can’t capture a town twenty miles away. They’re using tree branches and carpet remnants for camouflage and are slapping together ISIS-level hardware to fight. Most of their soldiers there don’t know why they are there, and thousands more are being shanghaied to join them. Meanwhile, Putin’s right wing want him to up the viciousness.
Renault isdivesting from AvtoVAZ, which will take Russia another step closer to Borat levels. The people and businesses in Germany are cutting back in order to give Russia a little less. Russia has wanted out of talks with Japan over the Kuril Islands since WWII, and figured this time is as good as any to slide out.
Joe Rogan might not be the medical expert many hoped for, as Ivermectin is shown to be ineffective on Covid.
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Wake up with **David Waldman** and the *KITM Morning Zoo* (**Greg Dworkin**) for another Wacky Wednesday!
Susan Collins found a way to sound very seriously concerned while still voting yes on Ketanji Brown Jackson, so that’s “bipartisanship” off the to-do list.
There appears to be a new urgency about a Covid preparedness funding bill as it dawns on people that there’s still Covid to be prepared for. You can be tired and burned out about the pandemic, but you just can’t quit it like your job.
Donald Trump is always on the phone, it’s just sometimes not his phone. When Trump said he didn’t know what “a burner phone” was, he was probably lying, but then again Donald Trump knows the actual meaning of very few words. However, if you want to know what Trump was “thinking”, read Ginni Thomas’ text messages and you won’t be far off.
Sovereign citizens all think they’re Donald Trump, except they’re also anti-vaxxers as well, which is a awful combination.
The New York attorney general says there’s significant evidence that the Trump Organization misstated asset values for more than a decade, which sounds almost criminal.
Donald asked Vladimir Putin to assist with regime change in the US, when Vlad has some downtime. A former congressman and a lobbyist look for work in Belarus, a country aligned with Russia, of course... all except for the Belarusians, of course, who hate Russia almost as much as Russians. If Russia isn’t that big of a deal, why do we spend so much time and money worrying about them? The UK also sees the need to reconsider their defense budget, for when a keyboard might do as much as tank.
The Walt Disney Company doesn’t like Florida’s Don’t Say Gay bill, and Ron DeSantis says disagreeing with him crosses the line, so now it’s war.
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What would Tuesdays be without **David Waldman** and **Joan McCarter**? One can assume they’d be Tuesdays still, but not as pleasant.
Clank! Into the hole! People actually witnessed Donald Trump achieve, probably for the first time in his life. We still await Trump’s long-awaited pivot to chain gang. A federal judge found that it’s “more likely than not” that Trump committed a few crimes while attempting to overthrow the government. Probably more than a few crimes. If only the White House phone records handed over to the House select committee didn’t have that gap of seven hours and 37 minutes right over the insurrection! That gap might be explained by all of the burner phones, bought with cash, by January 6 organizers... Donald doesn’t understand, what are these “burner” phones you speak of… and what about Hunter? Plenty of evidence is being provided by that reverse Martha Michell, Ginni Thomas and her texts with Mark Meadows. Clarence Thomas should… or he could… but he won’t. Trump’s estranged lover Mike Pence will never come out, as neither will the still firmly-lodged Ted Cruz. Mick Mulvaney follows the money over to CBS.
Sanctioned oligarch Roman Abramovich tried to patch up things between Ukraine and Russia. It seems that somebody wasn’t all for him doing that, and since the meeting wasn’t near a 5th story window, somebody had to go with plan B.
Meanwhile, President Joe Biden released his 2023 budget after he ran it past his boss, West Virginia Oligarch, Dirty-Coal Baron, Joe Manchin. Joe was a Carpet King once upon a time, one of the little people before he discovered what lazy drug addicts they all were. But now that Manchin maybe might vote for Ketanji Brown Jackson, you can keep this great Senator’s name out your mouth. There’s plenty waiting to screw things up if Manchin isn’t available, anyways.
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They hired three women to host the Oscars last night. Sure, it saved them money up front, but you know how women and their emotions can get out of control… Oh, so it was Will Smith celebrity-slapping Chris Rock? Well, that’s reasonable.
You’ll never hear David Waldman or Greg Dworkin dissing someone’s spouse... Except for Ginni Thomas. Her spouse, Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas, can no longer carry out his duties and absolutely should resign. This is because Clarence Thomas is married to a deeply corrupted and intellectually flawed insurrectionist. Ginni’s a QAnon loon, for a lot longer than there has been a QAnon.
Love will make you do crazy things. In 2016 Ted Cruz left his wife for Donald Trump and never looked back. Now Ted’s under investigation for plotting with Donald to seize control of the country in 2020. Trump’s former lover, Mike Pence, just couldn’t carry out his half of John Eastman’s plan to make it happen, however.
Lately, Donald Trump has been out barking at smaller carnies and kindling smaller romances.
Meanwhile, President Joe Biden made the most important speech this century and the press didn’t bother listening until the last sentence. Biden’s facts don’t care about Putin’s feelings. The Supreme Court voted 3-5 to take command of the United States armed forces. They didn’t, but there is no reason why they can’t. Finger pointing will ensue.
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**David Waldman** delivers an “ALL-NEW!” *KITM* today, with all-new rabbit holes to explore!
We return to the Antigonish-ish story of Hunter Biden’s laptop. The closer you look, the less there is, but it’s the New York Times, so it must still be “a story”, right?
Is anyone dumb enough to believe that anyone is dumb enough to believe Donald Trump’s big lie? Republicans believe good faith is for suckers, and finding suckers for their lies makes them winners. Conversely, they see believing in widely held truth and facts as weak acquiescence. That is why there is no down side for Trump.
Lord Evgeny Lebedev didn’t lie big enough to hold his peerage in British parliament. In fact, Lebedev does nothing at all.
OTOH, Vladimir Putin has always been one of the hardest-working mobsters in Russia, but the Ukraine job might be his last.
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**David Waldman** and **Greg Dworkin** deliver our *KITM* booster today. Nobody turns those down.
Meanwhile, COVID cases are beginning to inch up again, so expect hospitalizations and deaths will follow. Also expect a comparable spike in misinformation and self-denial. The Clarence Thomas ~~deathwatch~~ health update is that Clarence enjoys his adjustable hospital bed so much that he’ll probably spend this weekend in it.
Judge Ketanji Brown Jackson doesn’t need to mold herself on anyone, but plenty do see a future role model for themselves in her. Tucker Carlson was disappointed that Judge Jackson didn’t sing us a song. Ben Sasse believes Ted Cruz is a jackass. Alan Dershowitz feels that Ted Cruz acted like a bigot. Ron Perlman agrees. Senator Patrick Leahy felt that Lindsey Graham’s behavior was an abrogation of everything the Senate should stand for. Cruz, Graham, Josh Hawley, and Tom Cotton got what they needed, which is not what they deserved. Laura Ingraham says Senators have a sacred duty to not confirm judges that she dislikes.
Russia had one of their ships sunk off the coast of Ukraine, and a couple others were picked off near Cannes. Ukraine should employ more walruses. Meanwhile, President Joe Biden is in Europe talking with NATO allies. We already know what Estonia will have to say. Russian shelling killed a Russian journalist, Oksana Baulina. One of those shells might have had Baulina’s name on it.
Donald Trump threw Mo Brooks under the bus, but Mo hopes to take Donald under with him. Trump’s candidate for Michigan attorney general has everything a Trump Republican would require.
Prosecutor Mark Pomerantz resigned from investigating Donald Trump saying that he has no doubt Trump was guilty of numerous felonies. So now what?
Paul Manafort is up to no good, but he can’t do it in Dubai, as his passport’s been revoked. Alex Jones is in so much legal trouble that all he can do is anything to delay his inevitable end.
Before they employ even one more Black person, the Supreme Court cut down on Black people getting elected. Why? They don’t have to tell you why, but it might be because... they don’t have to tell you why, and what are you going to do about it?
Evangelicals figure that there is nothing a church could ever do for them that a gun can’t.
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**David Waldman** and **Greg Dworkin** deliver the latest communiques from the front, on wars here and abroad.
Russia is losing, especially when it comes to convincing anyone it’s not losing. The world now has to convince Russia to not take everyone down with them. Ukrainians slip into Russian’s DMs to invite them to surrender.
For a moment there, we weren’t talking about everything that popped into the QAnon hivemind, but then the Judge Ketanji Brown Jackson confirmation hearings began and all that ended. Josh Hawley yearned to see Ketanji’s reaction on a few porn stories he had heard but then forgot the punchline to the one Clarence Thomas used to tell. No matter what Republicans tried, Judge Jackson remained above it all.
We are still losing to COVID-19. We lost a million lives, and have had enough, which to some means surrender, and the welcoming of our virus overlords. The CDC couldn’t fight the war and please everyone at the same time.
The DC caravan of grievance will now makeover their trucks into posse-wagons and go out cruising to citizen arrest local police officers and the mayor.
Senator Mike Braun isn’t a big fan of either abortion rights or interracial marriage, especially when the federal government is, so he’d like do-overs in each state, so that Mike and like-minded Americans can go in and correct all of the mistakes the wrong people made.
Donald Trump didn’t fail Mo Brooks, Mo Brooks failed Donald Trump… Now Donald really has Mo problems.
Stacey Abrams, President of United Earth, is running for Governor of Georgia and hopes to turn Brian Kemp’s previous unconstitutional incumbency protection rigging against him. In Texas, a court is blocking investigations of parents providing gender care to their children. Mark Meadows will miss his wife when she goes to jail for voter fraud.
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The Luck! The very day we hoped to hear **Joan McCarter** talking about the latest on Judge Ketanji Brown Jackson, she found herself too busy writing about the latest on Judge Ketanji Brown Jackson. **David Waldman** and we carry on without Joan today, but boy will she have some stories next week!
Judge Jackson is naturally above this nonsense she is being subjected to, but Republicans are not above delivering it to her anyway. Josh Hawley wanted to catch Ketanji Brown Jackson's reaction to some porn questions. Clarence Thomas had a couple anecdotes concerning Coke cans but was unable to relay them to Hawley as he remains a bit under the weather. Lindsey Graham, one of the most sensitive people on the planet, is nonetheless impervious to be called a racist. Donald Trump probably has something stupid, insulting, and threatening to say about the judge, but he’d rather stick to those effected by his guff.
Will “BA.2” be the most bad-ass COVID wave? We are as ready as we’ll ever be, which is to say not ready at all. If we could be less ready, we’d make that happen, although it sounds like more of a commitment than most would be willing to make.
It’s been weeks since those Ottawa Truckers took their crap out of Canada down to Hagerstown to fight Antifa and make some citizen’s arrests. The Krazy Karen Konvoy have been feeling kind of below par lately. It’s not just the freedom-hating DC residents getting them down, though. It’s cough… cough… “complex”. They aren’t cartoons, they’re people, think pieces will remind us.
People like their kid’s teachers, but don’t like the ones they imagine others have. People who know only imaginary teachers have a low opinion of teachers.
Eric Greitens resigned from his position as Missouri governor after he was discovered to be an awful person and indicted criminal. He’s running for Senator, and Eric’s ex-wife had to remind people that Eric remains an awful person and a criminal. Josh Hawley would never allow such things if he were Senator.
Russian oligarchs are like lazy Bond villains. Vladimir Putin is more like a cheugy psychotic henchman, an attitude that rubs off on his followers. Donald Trump knows how he’d handle Putin, and believe me, it sure would be something.
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**David Waldman** and **Greg Dworkin** give us the latest on the war-watch:
Join the Russian Army! Room for advancement — top positions open every day! By the way, who is winning in Ukraine? Nobody! Counting dead bodies and kilometers gained won’t tell you what really matters, as things go much deeper than that. Russian combat effectiveness is falling apart as fast as all of their trucks. Rope-a-doping Russians while Ukrainians die can be a toughie though.
Another COVID wave is coming with a much bigger surge than anyone saw coming, unless you are one of our reader/listeners, then c’mon.
Ginni Thomas’ husband Clarence is in the hospital with an “infection”. The good news is if he has malaria, hydroxychloroquine will clear it right up. Rural America wasn’t ready for COVID, and now things are even worse.
Glenn Youngkin has reached the “giving the finger to all his constituents” stage in record time.
Hunter’s laptop was a story that wasn’t there. It wasn’t there again today. Don’t you wish it’d go away? Now the whatabouts are back to Ashley Biden’s diary, which fell off of a truck into the hands of a girlfriend of a guy that lived in a house… then was passed around a Trump fundraiser like a Marina Butina photo op, until it was fenced to Project Veritas, who should have all gone to jail years ago.
A member of the DKos community known as Fishgrease (also known for dropping the F-bomb more often than Greg Dworkin) has found his niche of helping make people smarter about proper booming technique and oil well production. Turns out, Deepwater Horizon isn’t just a Wahlberger.
The DC truckers with entirely way too much time on their hands are still hanging around, still being humiliated by bicyclists, kidnapping Tesla drivers, and inspiring patriots everywhere. Their leader Brian Brase got bored and left.
We knew Mark Meadows helped plan the January 6 insurrection. Scott Johnson, who worked on the planning of Trump’s Ellipse rally, knew firsthand, and is talking.
All of this is distracting us from Ketanji Brown Jackson’s first day of confirmation hearings! We’ll catch up on that lunacy tomorrow.
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**David Waldman** brings us Friday, and it is about time.
Florida police have arrested a man who sold a “fentanyl-laced powder” to five West Point cadets who bought the powder, overdosed on it, and who knows, might also get in some sort of legal trouble themselves.
Arnold Schwarzenegger is viral on all media with a message of sincerity and truth to the Russian people. Russian soldiers in Ukraine may view the video while they wait for a tow. Russian generals can watch it while a Switchblade locks on their cellphone signal. Donald Trump thought US troops were in Ukraine back in 2017. He probably still does. Trump’s ignorance is almost infinite.
Unvaccinated in the US have another COVID wave to be unconcerned about until their surprise intubation. Senator Ron Johnson considers an OJ Simpson team up to hunt down the culprit. The trucker caravan bravely carries out sorties into downtown DC to fight antifa for parking spots.
How do Russian oligarchs get so darn rich? The old-fashioned way, with lots of dollars.
Clarence Thomas’ worse/better half, Ginni Thomas, admits attending the January 6 insurrection rally, but absolutely nothing else until proven otherwise. North Carolina’s State Bureau of Investigation will investigate allegations of voter fraud against Mark Meadows, only to discover Mark is not black.
How did VA give Biden a 10-point victory, only to see McAuliffe lose by 2 a year later? Common wisdom blamed suburban parents, but new analysis suggests a more complex answer, namely old white people out to control the lives of their enemies. The 2020 Census undercounted Blacks and Latinos, but they still can wield power when organized, wresting away anti-history bigotry from the Indiana legislature. Of course, there are some Hispanics white enough to be racists, and men of all colors ready to be misogynist. An Idaho bill allows a rapist’s family to make a few bucks off the rape, while in Iowa, it’s ok for milk to kill people, but no one can threaten the dairy industry.
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Today, **David Waldman** celebrates Jewish Mardi Gras, and Irish Mardi Gras, and tomorrow will be broadcasting from the floor of *KITM World Headquarters*. Mmm-mmm! Enough green beer and anything’s a nosh!
Greg Dworkin reports on the birth of a new Ukraine and continuing fall of Russia. Ukrainians are a band of brothers, while Russia stalls out in the east, west, south and north somewhat. Vladimir Putin avoids tea, windows, and Russians, especially Russians, as those will be the death of him someday.
US voters are united, too, with Ukraine. President Joe Biden is getting the job done, but of course people always want more, faster. White nationalist, Christian theocratist Matt Shea pops up in White nationalist, Christian theocracy Poland, to shop for some white kids. Republicans attend White nationalist events and yet somehow never hear or see a thing.
Donald Trump is staring at a resounding rejection in upcoming GOP primaries but hopes to avoid it through strategic disloyalty and dishonesty.
Ireland’s Prime Minister travelled all the way to United States, met literally hundreds of people, then tested positive for COVID. Another COVID wave is heading towards America, and again many are in denial, and of course we know who those people are. Your risk of everything continues to increase in red states. Nancy Pelosi is really heated up about Dems taking down their covid preparedness package last week.
Senator Rick Scott wants every American (without a tax lawyer) to pay at least some income taxes. Meanwhile, the UK would rather someone other than just rich people win libel cases.
There’s a new gold rush on to claim electric vehicle manufacturing and infrastructure deals, and a small predominantly Black town is about to have its claim jumped by the Tennessee state government.
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On today’s *KITM*, **David Waldman** continues lobbying to designate all days to be permanently Eastern Orthodox, so that we might all remain a day ahead of schedule.
Greg Dworkin describes how Russia's spin doctors struggle to get behind a coherent narrative. The one about Russia being “a superpower” isn’t holding up well anymore. Meanwhile, Ukraine’s Volodymyr Zelenskyy virtually circles the globe, coherently building his case, consistently making his plea with world leaders, to lead. Donald Trump has remained consistently incoherent, but in his defense, Trump has never said anything that wasn’t a bluff or a lie, so how would he guess something like that was even possible? Republicans are trying to imagine Trumpism without Trump, while Don Jr. imagines his dad photo-opping with NATO. Luckily for the world, Joe Biden is the one going to be there.
Russian oligarch Roman Abramovich made billions from rigged elections and crooked deals in Russia and the US. He’s probably made plenty in worse ways too. nevertheless, he still has his plane and his yacht. How is that so?
West Virginia oligarch Joe Manchin can’t imagine American manufacturing/infrastructure for electric vehicles… but that’s nothing a trillion or so in West Virginia EV battery plants couldn’t fix.
Are COVID-19 infections going back up? Oh poo! It does look like that might be true. Trump areas in the US hardly had a breather. How does Ron DeSantis sleep at night knowing he got away with killing so many? Pretty well, since so far Ron did get away with it. China and New Zealand both have exploding infection rates, but only one has matching death rates. China is locking down whole cities and provinces.
Indiana shows that red states aren’t all idiots. All you need are some smart citizens, and a Republican legislature split between doing bad or doing worse. Proud Boys leader Enrique Tarrio wanted to always be remembered as a complete idiot, so he made sure to get it on tape. As idiots go however, Lauren Boebert still ranks right up there.
Donald Trump was sent by God; Vladimir Putin was also anointed by The Almighty. Trump Republican Jennifer Carnahan was only directed into office by her dead husband, and yet still she does come off as pretty entitled.
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**David Waldman** has **Joan McCarter** stop by for some leftover pi. There’s still .141592653589793238462643383279502884197 left, if anyone wants it.
Joe Manchin has made millions from coal and is blocking Sarah Bloom Raskin’s nomination to the Federal Reserve, Is Joe a dunderhead who doesn’t understand how electric vehicles work or is Joe a dunderhead looking to switch out coal mines for battery manufacturing plants and in turn pocket billions?
Dunderheading can be quite profitable with little investment. So, while the Party of Ideas introduces serious immigration and education plans, the Party of No finds that a lack of rationality, a lot of hypocrisy and just the right amount of sociopathy will get them through the day. As Congress prepares for an address from Volodymyr Zelenskyy, Ukraine aid and COVID funding dominate their time in Congress. Rand Paul somehow found himself sane for a moment, but probably has something up his sleeve, like a letter from Putin.
It turns out that “Ukraine biolabs” were cooked up by the US far-right, sold to dealers in Russia and China and injected directly into the veins of QAnon and MAGA. The Proud Boys’ Enrique Tarrio took notes on a criminal conspiracy, and then posed for pictures with the Oath Keepers. Madison Cawthorn came up with the brilliant idea of smuggling arms into the January 6 Insurrection, and the not-so-brilliant idea of telling it to Charlie Kirk. Tina Peters has been indicted for 10 counts in Colorado and went peaceably this time. Josh Hawley incited insurrection and he doesn't even get this lousy mug.
Georgia Republicans who just don’t trust the 2020 election results, just don’t trust Black people either, but as long as they know their place, they can stay awhile.
Children shoot adults, adults shoot children, children shoot children, again and again and again.
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**David Waldman** and **Greg Dworkin** were extra prescient today but had to take naps after the show, so it should be back to normal tomorrow.
The Karen Konvoy Karavan are knuckleheads, all deserving of ridicule, and fully deserve to be laughed at, flipped off, and laughed at some more. That doesn’t mean they aren’t dangerous clowns though. Watch out, they might vote for Trump!
Fly those patriot trucks to Moscow. Russia has always been a bad place to hold an opinion of any sort. In Red Square it is now illegal.
Russia is heading toward defeat in Ukraine, albeit one with an elimination of Ukraine and most Ukrainians also scheduled. Until then, Russia intends to spread their love until they run out of love to spread. Outside of Ukraine, folks have all sorts of ideas on what to do, as long as it doesn’t lead to World War III, which unfortunately every idea leads to. While Vlad ponders what harm just one, tiny, little nuclear bomb or two could be, China wonders what they might be able get out of this, other than beautiful chocolate cake, billions and billions of losses, and a newfound respect for Eddie Murphy movies.
Perhaps this whole thing will turn out peachy for everyone if China makes the correct choice… unless that choice is a psy-op false choice… or is its seeming falsity a trick? This looks like a puzzle only QAnon might solve. You see, Ukraine bioweapons, transported by insects and migratory birds…
This is where Tucker Carlson comes in, and the FSB gets out.
Oh, yeah, Covid. People seem to still be catching that stuff. Barack Obama is one of them, but he is handling it well. Although the straight poop is that things might be heading towards normal, there are still plenty of challenges left ahead.
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**David Waldman** pours another one out for another childhood icon. RIP Louis.
DC’s Ignoramus Armada still circles, well, sort of circles the tri-state area, proudly saluted by all as they sail by. It’s just that no one really understands them and their true cause — saving America from being turned into female sex robots.
Speaking of Maria Butina, who has taken a few laps around DC herself, it might be time to revisit her and thedecade-long relationship between the NRA, Russia and Donald Trump.
QAnon has known about the sex robot/COVID/bioweapon laboratories in Ukraine for a while. Word of Ukrainian wokeness infuriated Madison Cawthorn, who is so anti-woke he doesn’t even let the government tell him how to drive. The South Dakota AG runs over and kills only Democratic pedestrians. 13 New Hampshire Republicans voted to secede from the US just likeCzechoslovakia did from the USSR.
QAnon somehow missed the child sex trafficking over at the faith-based child sex trafficking abuse center. Your baby won’t survive an ectopic pregnancy, and you might not either, but Missouri will arrest anyone who helps you, even if they are in another state. Idaho won’t let you provide gender affirming care, although just about everyone needs their gender affirmed sometimes. Ileana Ros-Lehtinen is a mother to a trans child and a former US House Rep from Florida and could speak out more about the Don't Say Gay bill if inclined.
The Independent State Legislature Doctrine has always been understood as… what does that matter? What matters is what five or six judges presently understand it to be. Some find the best evidence is homemade.
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It’s Thursday, which is of course the day **David Waldman** takes a kid to the dentist, but also the final day of the week for **Greg Dworkin** to show up to help impart *KITM*’s signature winsome edification, illuminating badinage, etc.
It’s night in Ukraine, No doubt another night of atrocities. Republicans will start World War III if it makes you believe they’ve always been Ukraine’s best bud. Democrats fantasize that memory, hypocrisy, shame, will now factor into the GQP’s decision-making, thus ushering in a new golden era of bipartisanship. However, Thomas Massie’s expert Glenn Greenwald is still concerned about the wily Ukrainians and their “laboratories”, and Lisa Murkowski will tell you last month’s opinion would never factor into this one, so don’t get your hopes up.
In Poland, Vice President Kamala Harris talked about Putin’s future war crimes tribunal, as fighting the war int the present tense is kind of a sore subject. Sanctions have dropped Russia’s credit score to, like, 300, requiring plenty of scrimping, and actually might have a real effect as Russians, one by one, begin to understand the situation. Russians do have a long history of losing, but Vladimir Putin will see they get there fast this time.
Ukrainians are tired of seeing all the drones overhead. Hopefully, they’ll be giving them a lot of flak, but the thing most likely to take these drones down could be a product recall. Russian oligarchs are also embedded within western firms, making their removal extra painful. Unfortunately, cryptocurrency was designed for just this situation. Fortunately, crowdfunding was also designed for just this situation.
A plane carrying Donald Trump lost an engine over the Gulf of Mexico, and yet the crew was not fast thinking enough to jettison excess ballast. Donald had a new shakedown for the rubes planned before they even touched down. Wendy Rogers used to have reasonable views, before she learned to shakedown the rubes. A Georgia man stole $57,000 from the government to buy a Pokémon card, and of course small thinkers like him go to jail.
Oh, hey, remember COVID? No? That’s okay, nobody does.
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**David Waldman** pours out some 2% for Charles Entenmann, crumb cake magnate/nuclear scientist.
KITM, like a good editorial cartoon, is set to make the very much not funny, pretty funny.
Greg Dworkin assures us there will be time to address Valdimir Putin’s war crimes, but first we need to find a way to stop Putin from committing them. Shell-gaming MiGs seemed like a good idea for a while, but now Kamala Harris travels to Poland to re-gift them back. Maybe a US ban on Russian oil won’t set off Armageddon. Maybe a Ukrainian nuclear plant won’t set off Armageddon. Armageddon has sort of a hair trigger nowadays. Russia has inspired Germany, again, and those folks like to scrap.
Devin Nunes’ boss, Donald Trump, is out pushing losers for the ‘22 elections. Things would be so much easier if Donald could kill competitors like Vlad, and Vlad’s pals, and his old pals. Man, had the Deep State not foiled him, just imagine the peace Trump and Putin could have waged together!
January 6 was all about the same stuff now going on in Ukraine, and the bad guys are losing on that front as well. Guy Reffitt, the first insurrectionist to go to trial, is first to be found guilty on all counts. Proud Boy Enrique Tarrio was picked up with his pants down by the Feds. White nationalist Nick Fuentes has to move out of his parent’s basement.
The Freedom Commuters were going to take another lap around DC... but it rained.
Donald Trump Jr. reports a mask mandate violation.
Covid precautions work, but not enough to excite David Leonhardt, who built a brand on cooling his jets.
Lauren Boebert has discovered who’s really running the Federal government.
Obviously, lead in gasoline lowered the IQ of about half the population of the U.S. Gun stans huff the stuff.
Nurses are finally receiving a fraction of the attention and credit they deserve and are hoping to turn it into political results. National Nurses United is pushing for national single-payer health care.
Mark Meadows either lived in a shack on a mountain, or he committed voter fraud.
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**David Waldman** presents a special *International Women’s Day KITM* to celebrate the social, economic, cultural and political achievements of women, a day when even the Queen is treated like a… Queen.
International Woman Joan McCarter is a scholar of the corrupt, retrograde, splintering governments of the Soviet Union, clearly giving her insight into today’s Washington, as well as the grassroots associations working behind the scenes to help keep those societies livable. An example over in Russia is the Union of the Committees of Soldiers' Mothers, tracing the fate of sons deployed in Ukraine.
Denmark will increase its defense budget and aim to become independent of Russian energy, which is weird, as Russia didn’t just suddenly appear now, did it?
Russia might be losing presently, but they are certain to make sure everyone loses eventually. Ukraine is today’s enemy, but Putin’s shitlist grows daily. Really, you know that “list” is just America, right? It’s all Putin has ever pointed to, who his remaining state news outlets point to, who all of his useful idiots abroad point to. Russians believe him, at least enough do at the moment. China is as concerned as Susan Collins, but might be consoled to see Russia weaker, tired and more dependent on them than ever.
Meanwhile, Kentucky's teacher pension system says reports that it’s a top Russian bank shareholder are “completely false”, because they flushed that down the toilet before the cops got there.
The Krazy Karen Konvoy failed to storm, or stall D.C. over the weekend, so they tried even harder and failed even harder on Monday. They will continue to burn money and fuel, neither helping Putin as much as originally planned.
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The weekend has passed, but Ukraine has not. The proud Blue and Yellow keep up the fight. Vladimir Putin is in over his head, the Russian army is spread thin, sanctions are coming in all directions and are already biting in. Putin’s even lost his side job at the International Judo Federation. Unfortunately, none of this is fast enough or forceful enough to make enough of a difference to millions of Ukrainians. French President Emmanuel Macron called the invasion a turning point in the history of Europe, as it definitely was a turning point in Macron’s re-election polling. Putin may be the best thing that ever happened to the NATO alliance.
David Waldman and Greg Dworkin bring us the latest important details and perspectives to start off the week.
Back in the US, the failed event by the crazy fringe, the trucker caravan, is actually more than just that. It’s also another giant money-making scam perpetuated on the gullible crazy fringe now that Donald Trump’s could be winding down.
There’s still people coming up with takeaways on the January 6th insurrection. Roger Stone is always set to take away as much as he can get, as shown in newly released Danish documentary footage. Stone is attempting to distance himself from the footage in which he loves and hates Jared Kushner and loves and hates Donald Trump. Donald Trump loves and hates Bill Barr, and is dishing to his new BFF, Lester. Donald still loves Alex Jones, because Jones continues to love hate.
Madison Cawthorn will get to run for office, as a federal judge allows the south to rise again. John Eastman, however will not be allowed to hide his crimes, especially those that he committed with Donald Trump. The 65 Project will attempt to shame and hold accountable more than 100 attorneys who tried to overthrow the 2020 election. Finally somebody big might have been caught attempting voting fraud... Mark Meadows.
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Today, on The Friday Edition of The Kagro in the Morning Show, reporting from The Heart of America: The Commonwealth of Virginia — The One, The Only, David Waldman!
(We don’t say The Ukraine anymore however, as it is a provincial term meaning “the borderlands”, just as The Netherlands meant “the lowlands”, The Sudan meant, uhm, “the land of the blacks”, and The Batman means… well who knows, maybe they explain that in the movie.)
Everything is horrible in Ukraine and still pretty horrible outside Ukraine too, at least for non-white refugees. Racism is everywhere, but so are Russian bots, so beware.
The Russian hawks who convinced Vladimir Putin that getting involved in a land war in Asia wouldn’t be a classic blunder sure were surprised when Vlad believed them. Russian allies are now fleeing Russia, and close behind them are Russian citizens. The UK might be a bad place to hide as there is already a “hit list” of oligarchs facing UK sanctions. Putin-connected Briton Evgeny Lebedev was pretty comfortable hiding out in Parliament before the invasion, but now everyone’s looking at him so he has to say something. Meanwhile, a Ukraine-born oligarch has been found dead at his home in “unexplained circumstances” which is completely not suspicious, nothing to see here.
Russians have secret-weaponTexan Russell Bonner, but we have Senator Lindsey “Rambo” Graham on our side.
Senior Art Correspondent Darwin H. M. closes out the week with a report on how Ukraine’s world heritage is threatened by the Russian invasion, and how the art world is responding.
In the US, a former Fox News director whom Sean Hannity has never met has been indicted for helping put together a TV network in Russia. Russian tendrils run deep into Kentucky's Teachers Retirement System… and Rand Paul and Mitch McConnell. A different Kentucky lawmaker apologizes for stating that abortion pills were invented by Jewish people during the Holocaust.
A Russian Group aims to lead the global White supremacist terror movement.
John Eastman advocated for insurrection on Chapman University computers, only one of his recent legal errors. It turns out that a lot of people made quite a few legal errors around that time. An attorney in Wisconsin suggests the legally impossible solution to just back up and start all over again.
A knife shop owner was served an arrest warrant from the Queen of Canada, and now wishes he hadn’t spent his defense fund on the Prince of Nigeria.
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**David Waldman** and **Greg Dworkin** have so much to tell you today! Here, let me get out of the way:
The war in Ukraine will not end soon. This week feels like an eternity for those on the ground. Pretty much everyone agrees, the worst is yet to come in Ukraine because most of the worst is stuck in the mud north of Kyiv or falling apart along the way. Russian nationalists, warm at home, see no need for worry, at least none they can’t rationalize, lie or gibberish away. Can realism explain the war in Ukraine? Can neorealism explain the war in Ukraine? Is realism anything like reality, or are Russians really ПИЗДЕЦ? Putin’s war in Ukraine has Russian oligarchs losing power, and billions. Some Ukrainians have billions too, you know. A Russian businessman put a million-dollar bounty on Putin’s head, which doesn’t even cover expenses anymore. A wax museum in Paris shows you how it’s done.
As for the good guys, even though the Massie, Putin, Rosendale and Gosar coalition are sticking together in DC, everyone else passed a resolution on Wednesday to declare support for Ukraine's sovereignty. 16,000 foreigners have volunteered to fight for Ukraine. (Our 2A patriots have pulled their trucks over to hide in the bushes.)
Putin's attack on Ukraine and Trump's attack on democracy are the same story, but perhaps Trump is closer to trial. Proving intent sure seems to be less of a hurdle with the release of new materials including Kool-Aid man John Eastman going all-caps in emails. The first Oath Keeper pleads guilty to seditious conspiracy following the Proud Boys.
Texas Representative Van Taylor was caught in an affair… then paying off the woman to keep quiet… and she was a former jihadist… who was once married to a commander for the Islamic State... At least she wasn’t from Mexico.
You might have heard the US lost 301,000 Jobs in January. That’s right, but we actually added 509,000 Jobs.
Ron DeSantis gets triggered by highschoolers.
The New York Times is so, so close to figuring out politics.
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**David Waldman** and **Greg Dworkin**. One of them watched the State of the Union so that you, and the other one, don’t have to.
But hey, it wasn’t that bad at all. 78% of Americans approved of President Joe Biden’s SOTU speech last night. Most viewers felt optimistic and proud. Joe did show strong support for Uranus, which might be appreciated, if inadvertent. No one would blame Joe for a gaffe, of course. Biden proposed to move into a new normal on COVID. Five Representatives who tested positive missed hearing him say that in person.
Lauren Boebert and Marjorie Traitor Greene thought they were Statler and Waldorf but revealed that they were only brainless puppets. Both are well armed, so don’t they have a plane to catch? It isn’t like they’d be breaking any laws, at least none that they’d understand. Could Congress let you seize a Russian Oligarch’s yacht? It’s not September 19 yet, but why not?
Ukraine is becoming The Mouse That Roared. (I prefer The Mouse on the Moon, but that analogy doesn’t fit as well.) Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelenskyy, prescient comedian, nimble dancer, voiceover bear, is becoming a war hero, and a big symbolic problem for Vladimir Putin.
Russian casualties expose a potential flaw in Putin’s strategy... if Putin was planning on Russian soldiers not being killed. This actually might have been the concept the first wave of invaders were operating on. It’s now dawning on many Russian troops that they could be the baddies in this story, and many are getting out while the getting’s good. Putin doesn’t have the option of surrender, however, and might be approaching his “kill or be killed” mindset. Vlad’s oligarch cronies might help him come to a conclusion on that. The Chinese also might be rethinking their support, while the Middle East is quietly browsing Home Depot’s bone-saw aisle.
Vlad could really use Donny right about now. Of course, once thousands of Ukrainians are massacred this month, things will probably turn around for him. “Great political thinkers” believe that ”great men” like Vladimir Putin are like their great political opinions, both inscrutable and impossible to question. Meanwhile, Putin still plans to conquer the world. Russia takes a page from Glenn Youngkin.
Again, you know that Russia's preoccupied when they can't maintain theirfake "grassroots" movementsin the US anymore. The California truck freedom-fighters liberated themselves from each other, infuriating supporters who obviously weren’t really supporting them anyhow.
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**Support the show: Patreon|PayPal: 1x or monthly|Square Cash** * If you didn’t pick up your pączki early today, before **David Waldman** went live this morning, you blew it. You know that when the good bakery over by the pierogi factory runs out, you’ll just need to take your heathen walk of shame over to some “supermarket”.
Russia needs to give up Vladimir Putin, and not just for Lent. Americans and Canadians volunteer to fight for Ukraine. Shell is pulling investments in Russian oil and gas. World soccer’s FIFA is banning Russia from the World Cup. The International Judo Federation is kicking fanboy Putin out. The International Taekwondo Organization is taking Vlad’s fake black belt away. That’s got to hurt! Ukraine's application to join the European Union is being fast-tracked, which qualifies them for the fighter jet discount.
Meanwhile, Ukraine is fierce, Russia is fubar, and Aeroflot is still lost over Canada. Putin’s even lost his “Uber for invading sovereign countries” app. In Russia, hackers troll Russians. Vladimir Putin is an awful winner, but a horrible loser, and none of this is cheering him up. More brutality, perhaps a few war crimes, and yes, even that isn’t off the table now that Vlad feels cornered.
You know Russia's preoccupied when they can't maintain their fake "grassroots" movements in the US anymore. Facebook and Twitter pulled their anti-Ukrainian disinformation accounts. People have spotted that Russian fake anti-Ukrainians are in fact fake people.
The real anti-Ukrainians are at their borders, hassling and assaulting African and Indian students.
Donald Trump senses that this is the time to take credit for everything. Joan McCarter recalls how it really went down. Ukraine is top of the to-do list for Congress, who now regrets putting off all their other chores to this week too. Ketanji Brown Jackson has been selected by Joe Biden to fill a Supreme Court seat, so expect to be sickened by the usual GQP Senators.
Louis DeJoy spent $6 billion on 6 mpg delivery trucks and laughs himself to sleep each night.
Lunatic Justin Andersch wondered why Nevada GovernorSteve Sisolak and his wife didn’t have security when at a local restaurant. Sisolak and others are wondering that today.
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**Support the show: Patreon|PayPal: 1x or monthly|Square Cash** * **David Waldman** was set to host a merry special Shrove Monday *KITM*, but it seems like not enough of you are observing Mindful Monday to allow that. Hold your pączki until tomorrow.
War continues in Ukraine. Americans are surprised and dismayed that Putin invaded Ukraine. It turns out that Vladimir Putin isn’t American.
It turns also out Vladimir Putin isn’t just the fun troll MAGA uses to pwn Libs and deliver muscular Christianity to the world, and Ukraine isn’t just part of the Trump 2016 campaign, and the NATO #1 objective isn’t to torment Clay Higgins, although most would be okay with that. Donald Trump and others hope to reshuffle their lies and move on, which is fine for the many Republicans Mitt Romney and we like to refer to as “morons”. Marjorie Traitor Greene says she wouldn’t have even attended this weekend’s White nationalist conference had she not been a moron. Lauren Boebert is too stupid to know how dumb she is.
Putin is dangerous enough when he’s winning, but Greg Dworkin reminds us that Vlad’s a real menace when he's losing. Putin’s beginning to sound like Kim Jong-Un with an itchy red-button finger. Moscow billionaires are beginning to reconsider their relationship with Putin, and soon there probably won’t be a table long enough to save him.
Russia is in such chaos it hasn’t had the time to fake protests, the best it can do is just declare fake victory. Russian airliners wander over Canada, as if Aeroflot ever knew exactly where they were at any time.
Putin is losing because the West is united against him, for his geopolitical aggression, but mostly because he’s bad for business. Russia’s military also sucks ass, which it hopes to make up for in raw barbarity. They’ve inspired the Swiss to freeze Russian assets off, and Germans to tighten their Bundeswehr. The Ruble is sinking so fast, it’s hard to follow its fall. Demand for Russian bachelors skyrockets on tinder, however.
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**Support the show: Patreon|PayPal: 1x or monthly|Square Cash** * **David Waldman** finally reaches Friday, still craving rice pudding. But, if you don't complete your week, you can't have any pudding... How can you have any pudding if you don't complete your week? Listen, I don’t make the rules.
There’s no way to prepare you for this weekend, but we can share what we know so far:
There won’t be any truck park-ins this weekend to take the kids to hear the latest Ram Ranch hits.
This weekend, however, is a great time to learn how to pronounce Ketanji Brown Jackson, because she’s President Joe Biden’s choice to serve on the Supreme Court.
Facebook allows users to post horrifying and hateful content and cat videos to each other. In Ethiopia vigilantes use Facebook to incite ethnic killing.
Parent-terrorists are using sovereign citizen techniques to exhaust and intimidate public schools.
Marsha Blackburn works to stand out in a party swarming with conspiracists and crackpots.
Donald Trump’s crates of top-secrets are simple souvenirs compared to the ones still missing. The Federal Election Commission must think Donald has enough trouble since they won’t investigate his theft of $2.8 million from veterans.
Polling on Glenn Youngkin is “mixed”, in that a majority of voters don’t approve of him, the job he’s doing, or the policies he supports, but some aren’t sure. Just 35% of Virginia voters support his proposed ban on teaching Critical Race Theory in schools. Turns out that the parental choice voters in Virginia were of great-grandparental age.
The rest of the news could’ve been about Kanye West, but Putin’s playing. Vlad could lose his job and/or head for this, but somehow Donald Trump and the rest of the Republican party are eager to follow. The Trump cult was always part of the Ukraine invasion plan, just like the other members of Putin’s fifth column around the world.
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**Support the show: Patreon|PayPal: 1x or monthly|Square Cash** * War! What is it good for? You know the answer: Ratings. **David Waldman** and **Greg Dworkin** are only here to explode your preconceived notions.
Russia’s reasoning for attacking Ukraine misses something in translation. Something about destroying Ukraine to save it... from Nazis. Democratically elected Jewish President Volodymyr Zelenskiy doesn’t think that’s funny.
Some Republicans support Donald Trump, some kind of still support America, so there’s a bit of a rift. Trump supports Putin and Russia, but to be honest, he believes they’re American. Steve KG Bannon and Erik Prince have always had the hots for Vlad, and have been on team Putin since at least 2016.
Twitter is bursting with Russian bot trolls, while Facebook is strangely (not so strangely) silent.
Other than blowing up Chernobyl again, what will end this? President Joe Biden is on it. Boris Johnson is ready to declare every sort of war today. NATO is activating both its defence and defense plans. Estonia is ready when we are.
The Nord Stream 2 natural gas pipeline seems like a target, but Europe seems to have prepared for Russian supply problems. The US could turn off Russia’s app tap, right down to the last atom. Ukraine could annex Russia. As always, we could have done a lot to prevent this.
Amazingly with all this, other things keep happening. One of those things is definitely not the American trucker caravans. Reporters on the ground have been travelling imbecile-free highways. Parental rights parents don’t care about their kids, as they just get in the way of throwing tantrums. Parents who do care for kids only want to silence parents who don’t. The Electric Reliability Council of Texas facilitated competitive wholesale and retail markets by hiking prices hundreds of times over value, on the order of Governor Greg Abbott. U.S. Army Colonel Alexander Vindman officially served Donald Trump Jr. with a lawsuit for witness intimidation and retaliation. The prosecutors leading New York’s investigation into Trump businesses resign, which sounds like bad news, but who knows?
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**Support the show: Patreon|PayPal: 1x or monthly|Square Cash** * It’s the hump again! The middle of palindrome week! Everything **David Waldman** and **Greg Dworkin** say from this point can be read backwards to Monday:
The United Nations Security Council is still working feverishly for a pact to declare peace for our time — but no worries, Putin just wants to annex another little slice of Ukraine off, and then he’ll finally be satisfied... plus a few more things. Donald Trump wishes he pulled a genius move like that with Mexico, but of course Vlad would never have tried something like that with him, because there wouldn’t be a NATO by now. The GQP loves this whole thing and couldn’t be more Russian if you paid them. Finns want to have a word about this “Finlandization” people keep talking about.
Republicans do support sanctions on Canada. Pro-Covid trailer parks went over so well in Ottawa, that they are taking the show on the road to the states. The last thing Virginians need is out of state attention seekers, so that’ll be their first stop. So far, the plan is to send 10, 20, 25, or 1 truck. Whatever number will probably find the US capitol to be a harder target.
Democrats and Republicans agree, redistricting in Ohio is a constitutional crisis! If only the Ohio Constitution mattered at all in Ohio politics, that might be a big deal. It’s as if civil rights mattered to the Trump Supreme Court… Actually, it’s Ginni Thomas’ Supreme Court, she just lent it to Trump for a while.
If Melania Trump scams herself on NFTs, which one was the mark?
Armando and @emptywheel figure out who the real players were in the January 6 coup.
William Bryan and Greg and Travis McMichael demonstrated just how much it takes to convict White men of hate crimes in America.
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**Support the show: Patreon|PayPal: 1x or monthly|Square Cash** * It’s Tuesday and “Twosday”, today, too, 02/22/2022! Tell all your friends!
David Waldman attempted to read statements from Philip Crowther, but subsequently declared war on Luxembourg and proposed to Ohio.
Speaking of war... There’s been a lot of speaking of war lately. The United States and allies see that the invasion has already started. Vladimir Putin wants to dot a few more i’s and cross some t’s first, but he’s about ready to make the biggest Russian blunder in generations. Russians and Ukrainians are both ready for utter defeat, however the United States isn’t really prepared for the gutting they’ll receive. Mark Meadows told you this would happen.
Joan McCarter confirms that nuclear bombs must not have been dropped yet, because the Senate still sucks. Mitch McConnell kept government alive to suck another day. Even Mitch wouldn’t want Rick Scott’s ideas to come to fruition. Fellow Floridian Ron DeSantis is just as nuts and twice as vindictive. Florida chooses teen suicides over angry parents.
The Supreme Court told Donald Trump to get lost on his bid to withhold his Capitol insurrection records. @emptywheel describes precisely how DC district judge Amit Mehta argued that it was plausible that Trump conspired with two militias before January 6. And, then there’s Letitia James.
A Utah father bonded with his 4-year-old son by taking him shooting at McDonald’s. The memories!
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**Support the show: Patreon|PayPal: 1x or monthly|Square Cash** * **David Waldman** and **Greg Dworkin** are presently off mattress shopping, but as always, their first priority was to provide you with a *KITM* full of news and entertainment:
Happy Presidents Day! Some Presidents have brought us less joy than others, though. Donald Trump can sometimes deliver a smile, but you can be sure that it wasn’t intentional. Donald didn’t steal (at least) 15 boxes of classified documents to impress you, but he certainly intended to cheer up somebody with them.
Is Russia attempting to Finlandize Ukraine or Belarusify it? (Shh. Don’t tell Finland… they don’t know yet.) Does Putin think Ukraine is Taiwan? Should Biden be Nixon? Germany just wishes it were Sweden. Putin can’t shovel his way out faster than Biden can shovel him back in.
Except for that one time when they voted for Governor, Virginians are pretty liberal. So, generally they don’t share priorities with their MAGA warrior Gov, Glenn Youngkin. Virginia students who rebelled against masks are surprised to find out that they still aren’t the cool kids.
There wasn’t anything wrong with COVID that a little teamwork couldn’t fix, which is of course why we’re in that mess. Teachers have never been included on “the team”.
Boris Johnson announced the end of COVID restrictions in England, which Fox News will credit to pressure from truckers in Ottawa. Businesses are reopening as the right-wing finds out how difficult it is to franchise insurrection.
Half of US bald eagles and a large percentage of patriots suffer from lead poisoning. Such is the price of freedom, somehow.
There’s not much dumber than investing in NFTs, but no one should have clued in rich people before they finished spending all their money.
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**Support the show: Patreon|PayPal: 1x or monthly|Square Cash** * On today’s *KITM* **David Waldman** visits far-off “Ohio” (oh-hahy-oh). He’s clearly not from up here. Ohio’s constitution only exists so that the Republicans (jee-oh-pee) know what to disregard. Violating court orders, ignoring Ohio Supreme Court deadlines, and cutting voters out of the political process is always how they do business here.
Down south at the 5th circuit the court is king. Lifting of a vaccine mandate is an edict to ban masks for them. Judges there decided that mask mandates go against the religion of United Airlines, ignoring precedent and inventing facts to suit their incoherent reasoning. In Georgia, precedent is followed on non-precedential orders.
Up in Manhattan, they have their act together. A law clerk did have to tell Donald Trump's lawyer to shup up while the judge was talking. Donald’s attorney claimed Trump was a "protected class", although he’s more of an “endangered species”. No one reputable would ever want to see Trump again... of course he never cared much for that crowd to begin with. Donald’s borrowing rates have definitely risen. House Oversight chair Carolyn Maloney believes Trump might not have been on the up and up while acquiring the Old DC Post Office lease. If only someone had pointed that out earlier!
Texas National Guard members are unionizing, and the DoJ agrees, giving the Guard some much needed control over their lives.
Canadian police have had it up to here, eh, with the skeets and hosers. Beauty!
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**Support the show: Patreon|PayPal: 1x or monthly|Square Cash** * Today, **David Waldman** and **Greg Dworkin** confront injustice around the world and in their back yards:
You can’t win a fight if you give up before you start. E.J. Dionne thanks Greg and Sandy Hook families for fighting the unwinnable fight until they won.
Loudoun County Virginia, home of KITM World Headquarters (along with some of the staff and their children) tells public school children to “drop dead”, at least optionally. Students who chose to live can chose to upgrade their masks for extended protection. The rest could consider the increased disability and a lower quality of life for generations, but they probably won’t.
Covid-19 deaths are starting to decline as political pressure on mandates increases. The right-wing, smelling blood/victory, is pumping money into Flu Trux Klan blockades. The problem is, those guys are nuts, which again is a feature, not a bug to the nuts supporting them. Canadian authorities have been pushed to the brink of dispersing leaflets.
Marsha Blackburn dropped her hold on funding over free crack pipes, but now Marco Rubio is wondering why he didn’t get any. Ahmaud Arbery’s killers probably had similar discussions. Turns out that racism doesn’t only kill with bullets.
Most support a binding nuclear deal with Iran, but you don’t always get what you want. What happens to Ukraine really matters to every American, and that’s why President Joe Biden is on the job while his public sleeps.
Boris Johnson explains to the Metropolitan Police that he’s just a party animal.
San Francisco school board members were fired for being lousy school board members. Trump's Interior Secretary Ryan Zinke was awful at his job, but also a corrupt, lying, insufferable martinet. Jared Kushner got his pal Ken Kurson a pardon from dad, but dad couldn’t lift Ken’s state charges. David Eastman, Republican-Insurrectionist, is a lifetime member of a terrorist organization. Shouldn’t that count against him as a representative?
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**Support the show: Patreon|PayPal: 1x or monthly|Square Cash** * Today on *KITM***, David Waldman** and **Greg Dworkin** do what we always expected they would: Chat on a podcast.
A Catholic priest changed just one word in his baptism sacrament, which of course gave God a loophole to bar generations of His parishioners from Heaven. This will probably keep some angel attorneys employed for eternity! Sarah Palin isn’t doing much better, as she too will have to appeal to a higher authority.
You know who can go to Hell, though? Those snowflake authors of anonymous death-threats to school board members over race, gender, and mask policies, along with the Republicans propping them up. Art Spiegelman isn’t telling your children to not read Maus, but he never intended them to read such a “very not-Christian book” either.
Should mask mandates end? Yes, when it is safe to lift them. This sort of thing makes sense to rational intelligent people. The rest flock to the hard-right, who are always happy to weaponize the weak-minded against the poorly defended. Hackers have discovered Ottawa truck caravans got most of their funding from the US. The tyrannical Canadian government has started ticketingthe illegally parked, but the regular public might have discovered more effective means of persuasion, eh?
A good guy with a gun waited until he was safe before standing his ground and killing a 9-year-old girl bystander.
Russia says they’re pulling away from Ukraine, but strangely, no one observing them agrees. Would the Russians… lie to us? They’d never do that, not with the whole world watching!
Similarly, Republicans are finding their faith in Donald Trump took a small hit once they saw his accounting firm hightailing it away. Joe Biden wants to see Donald’s visitor logs, and Joe is the chief executive, so he does have that privilege.
Steve Bannon’s old pal, fugitive Chinese billionaire Guo Wengui, just isn’t the billionaire he once was, if he ever was.
Senate Republicans could potentially block all of Biden’s nominees. Democrats could potentially prevent that, but that would require changing rules and norms, which is just so untoward.
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**Support the show: Patreon|PayPal: 1x or monthly|Square Cash** * **David Waldman** wishes you all a Happy Valentine’s Day today! Ol’ Val could be Eastern Orthodox, maybe.
Donald Trump’s own accounting firm tells him “You’re fired!” after determining that Trump’s been a lying conman for a decade or so.
The Canadian COVID caravan might have been left chafed by the Ram Ranchers, but what really makes those truckers sore is having to hold their freedom circus in jail cells.
The federal judge on Sarah Palin’s lawsuit against The New York Times doesn’t need a jury to tell him that Sarah didn’t have a case.
Josh Hawley is selling his 1/6 fist-pump as a mug. Does Mike Pence’s gallows appear when hot coffee is added?
Joan McCarter is a little under the weather but completely on the show today. Joan has a sinus infection, not COVID, and not worms, so she isn’t pestering her local compound pharmacy for ivermectin, nor lobbying Congress to feed it to others. What really makes Joan sick is hearing Democrats continuing to yammer about “bipartisanship”. Dems are ready to fund the government and save the postal service, both popular measures held up by a bipartisan assholes Rick Scott, Marsha Blackburn… and Joe Manchin and Kyrsten Sinema. Time for yet another short-term fix.
Meanwhile, the Fox News septic tank has backed up again, causing everyone to roll up their pantlegs and figure things out. John Durham didn’t charge anyone with anything, which Trumpworld takes to mean “hang them all”.
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**Support the show: Patreon|PayPal: 1x or monthly|Square Cash** * **David Waldman** and **Greg Dworkin** dedicate this *KITM* to all of you lovers out there.
But not the haters. Last night White people across the nation were triggered by the sight of Black people moving into an all-white neighborhood. Mike Pence and Glenn Youngkin aren’t enough to stop this onslaught, thankfully. Republican NFL fans would like it better however with maybe a little more white representation.
The Patriot Parkers Posse was removed from the Ambassador Bridge linking Canada and the United States with the help of actual patriots. Meanwhile, right-wing money continues to flow into White grievance around the world, probing for weak spots. They are finding their troops have their own weaknesses as well.
The Wisconsin GQP looks to weaponize critical race theory in their governor's race.
The U.S. Ski & Snowboard organization is investigating allegations of sexual misconduct and racial slurs on the U.S. Olympic snowboard team.
The U.S. court system is demonstrating that it is able to handle run-of-the-mill January 6 insurrectionists, but what about Rep Johnny Reb Cawthorn of North Carolina? North Carolina says maybe they could disqualify him from running again under the 14th Amendment, but others say maybe they can’t. If it were easy to wield the 14th, it would have been used on Donald Trump a while ago. Of course, actually indicting Trump could be even tougher. Listeners to KITM understand that complex legal questions require complex legal answers, which David is always eager to provide.
Jim Jordan wants to execute Hillary Clinton’s aides. After all, he’s just spreading the Lord’s word.
Listen to our archived episodes: RadioPublic|LibSyn|YouTube Support the show: Patreon|PayPal: 1x or monthly|Square Cash * David Waldman asks the important questions going into the weekend like, “What kind of sociopathic trolling is the Magic Mouse?” and, “What was this guy thinking?” Also:
Congressman Troy Nehls attempts to make DoorGate a thing and Eric Swalwell tells him where to stuff it.
Monique Miles, Deputy Virginia Attorney General and insurrection stan, has resigned from the Deep State.
As the Omicron wave recedes around the world, pro-coronavirus anti-capitalist caravans of truckers are popping up to quickly demand freedom from mandates before those governments have a chance to lift them on their own and take their victories away. If freedom truck camps are targeting the world, perhaps the question to ask is not “Why are they in Canada?” but “Why would Canada be targeted?” Trucker PsyOps started out basic but have become increasingly sophisticated as their opposition starts playing hardball.
The folks who should be receiving the Wall Street Journal article on wearing shoes in other’s homes aren’t the types that would ever get it.
BUT HER EMAILS! types are laying low as news of Trump flushing the White House log, top secret documents, etc. continue to overflow. Donald says he didn’t do it, you can’t prove it, and it doesn’t matter. There are laws against that sort of thing, but not only was Trump “aware” that he was criming, it also turns out that he enjoys criming, and really doesn’t care what you think, because Donald Trump is just not a normal person.
Another Texas soldier dies on the border, another casualty of Governor Greg Abbott’s suicide mission.
Listen to our archived episodes: RadioPublic|LibSyn|YouTube Support the show: Patreon|PayPal: 1x or monthly|Square Cash * David Waldman and Greg Dworkin focus us on a distraction-free KITM for Thursd— Gazpacho!
Gazpacho with a side of Marjorie Traitor Greenes were served up to the hungry masses on Twitter yesterday. It wasn’t the dumbest funny thing, or the funniest dumb thing said yesterday, but if you are looking for dumb and funny, Marj will never let you down. Greene did have a tiny little kernel of something rattling around her head, though.
There isn’t a toilet big enough for Donald Trump. Ask Maggie Haberman, who knew Donald was committing crimes in the White House bathroom but didn’t feel it was proper to point that out, at least until her book came out. Trump didn’t eat all of his classified documents at the White House, some he had boxed to go, and brought back to Mar-a-Lago. Which you knew he’d do, but now we need to know why.
Rudy colludy Giuliani and the Trump gang spent a lot of effort trying to seize voting machines.
COVID is OVER! At least in Denmark, where they… oops, never mind. Sure, millions are sickened, thousands die each day, but the public demands that we need to feel less bad about that. Mask mandates are being dropped as politicians feel that squeeze. Politicians might not get most medical situations, but they do understand pressure. Wishful legislation might get some future pushback from reality, but that’s tomorrow. Vaccine mandates will end in Canada someday, and on that day the COVID trucker cotillions will take credit and will be franchised around the world... maybe sooner than you’d think. Right now, freelance terrorists make one threatening call after the other, fueled by racial resentment and Christianity.
Meanwhile, White people are pissed off hearing that Black people are getting all the free crack pipes.
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**Support the show: Patreon|PayPal: 1x or monthly|Square Cash** ***** **David Waldman** reaches weekday apogee with **Greg Dworkin**, as they round up the news, and even round up the round ups of the news, to create our Wednesday *KITM* news singularity:
Omicron could possibly be on the decline, so... Good enough! New York is lifting its “Mask or Vax” rule. Massachusetts is dropping its school mask mandate... and New Jersey… and Delaware. The Ottawa Freedom Convoy hasn’t yet taken credit for moving those governments into action, but they sure will when Ontario drops their mandates. What fortuitous timing for this populist, grassroots movement to spontaneously blossom, eh?
What would you do if you were a New York hipster couple that stole billions in bitcoin? Exactly. In comparison, Charlie Kirk thinks small, by parlaying his “Charlie Kirk First” ideology into an “America First” academy. The problem was, Charlie didn’t want to figure out the details, nor did the people he hired, nor did the people they hired, and they blew through the $40 million before anyone could ask the DoorDash guy to handle it.
Election shenaniganer Tina Peters was arrested again, this time for deceiving her judge, Tina assaulted the arresting officers, and was hatching a new conspiracy while being taken away in handcuffs.
The RNC has gone so far afield it’s making Mitch McConnell seem like a Democrat. In fact, they might end up making even Joe Manchin seem like a Democrat. The Supreme Court can’t convince anyone of their impartiality, so they gave up trying. Nancy Pelosi now has the elbow room to ban stock trading on Capitol Hill.
Listen to our archived episodes: RadioPublic|LibSyn|YouTube Support the show: Patreon|PayPal: 1x or monthly|Square Cash * David Waldman joins me in reminding you to tell others how great KITM is — or how awful — both seem to work nowadays.
The Canadian coterie of COVID Truckers took their confederacy of contagion on the road to Detroit, blocking the Ambassador Bridge, a major trade route. This siege of Sieg heil-ers is of course USA Republican-supported right in the open as well as under plenty of astroturfed and fake Facebook pages. Ottawa is just the beta program before the big rollout. Once this assembly of assholes parks in your town, they’ll be difficult to dislodge. If Tow truck operators don’t want to do it, there remain entertaining alternatives.
Canadians actually take COVID seriously. The Canadian women's ice hockey team refused to take the ice until they were certain of a safe environment, and then they kicked Russia’s ass. Well, not “Russia’s ass” per se, but Russian ass nonetheless. Russia vs. Ukraine is still TBD.
Multiple double agent Erik Prince raised money for equally on the up-and-up ex-spy Richard Seddon to help train super spies like James O’Keefe.
Joan McCarter calls in to reassure us that the Federal government is as busted as it was the last time we checked. Joe Biden has about two weeks of funding left from Donald Trump’s budget, so Republicans are throwing in an offer so they have something amusing to talk about while they shut down government. Senate Democrats quickly put together elections reform legislation, because it is a clear problem with a simple solution. Now we wait for the bipartisan group, whose only goal is to waste time in a bipartisan fashion. Over in the Trump’s Supreme Court, the first Black woman justice will make a difference, but not enough.
Listen to our archived episodes: RadioPublic|LibSyn|YouTube Support the show: Patreon|PayPal: 1x or monthly|Square Cash * David Waldman and Greg Dworkin actually did sign up to be your comedian-heroes. They’re here to be irreverent and dangerous, to question authority and take you through a spooky mental haunted house so you can arrive at your own conclusions. Plenty of fart jokes, but definitely never racism and misogyny.
Ohio’s Josh Mandel seems to be dumber than an 8-year-old. It doesn’t matter if Mandel really is that stupid, as Josh is committed to behaving that stupid, and it is a devotion that he will be measured by. Regular halfwits are also-rans in this game. Schools are winning over Glenn Youngkin, so Youngkin has taken the battle to school children. Glenn’s henchmen plan to find the judge’s address to terrorize him as well. Terrorist/henchman Steve Bannon got himself deplatformed, but an obscure media mogul keeps him on the air. Well, not too obscure, as this is probably his address...
The Canadian cavalcade of contagion is spreading out of Ottawa as it attempts to go nationwide, and worldwide. Of course, it’s really not that big, most people oppose it, Trump’s behind it, and Joe Rogan is spreading mis- and disinformation about it.
Republicans are into terrorism, insurrection and Donald Trump. Trump did did not accidently tell the truth, he never intended to obey laws. Donald plainly enjoyed January 6, and fully plans to do it again. (Only the media blames both sides.) Federal records that Trump did not tear up, burn or eat, he shipped to Mar-a-lago. Wow, that kind of sounds illegal, but what are you going to do about it? David analyzes what we can do about it, and the upcoming “tie” elections.
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**Support the show: Patreon|PayPal: 1x or monthly|Square Cash** * **David Waldman** shakes out the *KITM* bag o’ nuts to finish out the week. Somehow, he knows it will be full again by Monday.
A Black Lives Matter activist has been sentenced to 6 years in prison for following the advice of election officials on voting. A Black man who waited in line 7 hours to vote has been charged with voting illegally and faces 40 years in prison. This isn’t intended as justice for them, it’s a warning to you.
If Madison “Johnny Reb” Cawthorn supported and possibly even helped plan the insurrection against the United States, how could he retain citizenship, let alone be elected to office? Cawthorn argues that he was given amnesty back in 1872, long before Ronald Reagan was ancient history.
Speaking of civil war, how bad could the 2024 election be? Pretty bad! Donald Trump is all about breaking laws to win, keep from losing, or just because he’s bored or something. Donald is so eager to cross lines with criminal intent that he’s inspired bipartisan support to build the wall to stop him. Trump never planned for it to get as far as the Electoral College anyhow.
A home-schooling parent let her child out in the real world, and she was traumatized for life. (The parent, that is.) A LGBTQ book ban proponent projected himself right into a felony charge.
Listen to our archived episodes: RadioPublic|LibSyn|YouTube Support the show: Patreon|PayPal: 1x or monthly|Square Cash * David Waldman and Greg Dworkin get us past Groundhog Day but not the 6 weeks of winter. If only the weather was as amusing.
Joe Biden has taken the leader of ISIS off the battlefield, figuratively, as that guy is probably still on the battlefield, literally.
A memo shows how Trump’s whole legal team made sure fake electors were ready for January 6. Another memo urged seizing NSA data to keep “Stop the Steal” hysteria hot. It’s everyone for themself as the law starts closing in.
Donald Trump considered whether he’d pardon January 6 insurrectionists or let them go to jail. Donald realized that leaving them in jail would inspire more insurrectionists. Paul Gosar promised blanket pardons to inspire the first insurrectionists. The head of a county election board in Georgia gets his inspiration from Q. Kimberly Lowe, running for office in Virginia… in Texas... was so high on conspiracy theories they wouldn’t let her into a rally headlined by Ted Nugent and Michael Flynn. Kim got into a fight at a butterfly conservatory while looking for dead bodies and orgies. Glenn Youngkin can’t trust you to read the tips on his tip line, in fact it might be illegal to know about them. Chip Roy believes Justin Trudeau has fled to 2016 to escape truck drivers. A suspicious chicken was apprehended at the Pentagon.
Oklahoma wants to charge teachers $10,000 if they teach any biology that offends Christian moral principles. Iowa wants anti-CRT cameras installed in all classrooms. Too bad “saving democracy” doesn’t sell.
Believing stupid things continues to kill Americans with COVID. Cognizance fights an uphill battle against ignorance. People listen until the news says what they want, then quit listening.
Rudy Giuliani is finding reality TV rehabilitation difficult, although Jenny McCarthy finds that exact same show is working well for her. Mark Zuckerberg and Jeff Zucker have had better weeks. People on the opposite end of the pay scale are also looking for new jobs.
Listen to our archived episodes: RadioPublic|LibSyn|YouTube Support the show: Patreon|PayPal: 1x or monthly|Square Cash * Okay, campers, rise and shine — and don't forget your booties 'cause it's cooooold out there today! You know, you can expect hazardous travel later today with that, you know, that, uh, “that blizzard thing”. That's right, woodchuck-chuckers - it's Groundhog Day on KITM with David Waldman and Greg Dworkin!
Relax. Nirav D. Shah did his own research and has determined that #blizzard2022 is a #HOAX. Social media experts have been just asking the question of whether it’s time to accept Covid and move on, and reality might be considering it, but still isn’t completely on board.
Furry panic is real, however. Those panicking are real idiots. The Washington Commanders join the Cleveland Guardians in… well, commies do poll better than racists after all.
Other than his words and deeds, there’s not much reason to send Donald Trump to jail. Sadly, words and deeds have never been enough to put Donald away yet, but for the almost 60 Republicans who joined in electoral voter fraud, it could be enough. Lindsay Graham couldn’t have asked for a better timed send off from Trump world than this moment, as Republicans who impeached Trump outpace challengers in fundraising. Newt Gingrich, on the other hand started calling the January 6 committee names once they started to close in on him. Matt Gaetz is the only one invested in Matt Gaetz anymore, as his friends go behind bars.
HBCU stands for “Historically Black Colleges and Universities” and it is what those schools stand for that has gotten them so many bomb threats on the first day of Black History Month. Florida Republicans stopped a Black state representative from serving, by just ignoring him.
Boris Johnson does spell pedophile funny but will use any conspiracy theory to dig him out of trouble.
Listen to our archived episodes: RadioPublic|LibSyn|YouTube Support the show: Patreon|PayPal: 1x or monthly|Square Cash * It’s the Year of the Tiger... It’s the thrill of the fight, rising up to the challenge of our rival! Now that you have that earworm for the year, listen to today’s KITM with David Waldman and Joan McCarter and contract ”brainworms”! (It’s more fun than it sounds.)
We begin Black History Month, this year with dozens of bomb threats and book burnings like the old days. It’s gotten so that the US has become the world’s cautionary tale on preventing authoritarian takeovers. Donald Trump continues couping up a storm, promising to pardon insurrectionists that he had abandoned in jail earlier, in order to rile up future insurrectionists he’ll abandon in the future, while assembling Mike Pence’s second set of gallows. Could we re-impeach Trump, and maybe do it right this time? Hasn’t anyone else figured out this sort of problem? Speaking of executions, Donald ordered three different federal departments to execute his order to seize voting machines but could find no one that was into just following orders. Trump would also regularly tear and chew up documents. His handlers would wait for him to calm down and lumber off, then would tape things back together. Yes, it was already not legal to attempt to overthrow democracy through a phony electoral count, but sometimes you have to “build a wall” to keep those determinedly evil out. Just don’t expect Republicans to help you build it. Susan Collins will of course compromise, by reelecting Donald Trump. Biden and the Democrats have enough to occupy their time than to be stalled by malarky. In Florida, Republicans are simply refusing to allow a Democratic state representative to take his seat until his session is over. There is still COVID, and people still need to take precautions, or they will catch COVID.
Listen to our archived episodes: RadioPublic|LibSyn|YouTube Support the show: Patreon|PayPal: 1x or monthly|Square Cash * David Waldman and Greg Dworkin spent most of the first hour discussing this guy that runs some competing podcast called The Joe Rogan Experience. It seems that Mr. Rogan got into trouble disseminating COVID disinformation, primarily because Dr. Dworkin is not on his staff, but also because Joe’s been cutting corners, trying to pull the whole show together on his own for a measly $100 million per year. The crazy thing is, even with a pretty popular, regularly produced podcast, Joe Rogan remains a sorely misunderstood guy, apparently with some hippies that his boss Spotify has a thing for. Joe being the regular, decent guy he is, promises to apply himself a bit more, and “just ask questions” more carefully, or something.
If Joe Rogan can only get everyone on the same page, the COVID-19 pandemic will cease to be the most polarizing crisis in America. Until then, the media will feel the need to gently both-sides fragile anti-vaxxers to safety. The American Academy of Pediatrics advocates rational precautions which some rational people might listen to.
Meanwhile, a caravan of illegals crossed over into Canada to protest big government and find another teat to suck on. Justin Trudeau did catch COVID, but will not die from it, thanks to Canadian healthcare.
Democracy continues to die from a thousand small cuts applied in local governments across the country. Democrats are patching a few wounds up. For the time being, Donald Trump, while losing in the courts, is still out there fomenting as hard as he can. Donald offered any sedition or insurrection on his behalf to be rewarded. Trump hopes to give Mike Pence a second chance too, on the gallows.
Improving the Supreme Court could help, but Susan Collins is concerned. Lindsey Graham has a local fave.
Russia and the US have reached Godwin’s Law in discussions at the UN. Putin might call off an attack if we talk to his bosses.
Listen to our archived episodes: RadioPublic|LibSyn|YouTube Support the show: Patreon|PayPal: 1x or monthly|Square Cash * David Waldman delivers us to Friday! Probably because he didn’t have to drive over a bridge in Pittsburgh to get there.
Who isn’t wild about Harry? The same Tennessee school board against Maus, because of “the cussing”, believe the song “I’m Just Wild About Harry” is a little “too hot” for kids... Ironic isn’t it, that the song was originally controversial for implying that Black people were capable of romantic relationships? In the board’s defense, they might not have been aware of that, as that district has always been untouched by CRT, and that song has long been purged of race… pretty much.
You’d think ol’ times there are not forgotten, but some do have selective memories. Glenn Youngkin is banning the teaching of “critical race theory” in his state but forgot he helped set it up in his kid’s school. In Florida, civil rights are a memory some would prefer to soon forget. Fox News can’t remember any Black people that made it through school. (Republicans on the judiciary committee will sure be surprised to see a Black woman in business attire.) Joe Rogan actually can’t remember seeing a Black person outside of a National Geographic.
Senior Black Correspondent Darwin H.M. reports that the NFL is down to a single Black head coach after it pledged to do better with diversity, as Black coaches are required only successes and allowed no mistakes over any season.
Sarah Palin, on the other hand, can be as dumb as wants, wherever she wants, and waiters will find her the best table.
Texas redistricted to reduce Black and Hispanic voting power. That’s probably against the law, but they’ll work around that also. Arizona will just pass a law to allow them to change any election they don’t like.
The Equal Rights Amendment has been almost for most lifetimes, but maybe it’s more almost now.
Listen to our archived episodes: RadioPublic|LibSyn|YouTube Support the show: Patreon|PayPal: 1x or monthly|Square Cash * David Waldman and Greg Dworkin deliver the latest, broadcast from KITM World Headquarters, a microcosm of America located in the heart of Virginia, a microcosm of America.
Public schools just seem to be designed to make children less ignorant and more independent, and therefore have always inspired conservative fear and hatred. Whatever schools are for, if you are against it, you’ll get Republican votes.
Virginia schools are melting down and Glenn Youngkin promised to light the torch. Most VA school districts are resisting but Youngkin voters are just happy to know some are suffering like they do in their imaginations. A Mississippi mayor is defunding any county library that stirs any of his homosexual anxieties. A school board in Tennessee banned a Pulitzer Prize-winning graphic novel about the Holocaust, Maus. It must be not only too soon to address the Holocaust, but also the overt sexuality of the first African American hit play, 1921’s Shuffle Along, and of course that wantonly hotsy-totsy song “I’m Just Wild About Harry”.
Does the rest of the country meet these folks “halfway” in order to save democracy? Or is a more radical solution needed? Oh, maybe later we’ll get to that. First, we need to confirm a new Supreme Court Justice, quickly and fuss-free, like the last one. Of course, it would help to have a vacancy or two, but really everything is up for debate.
Listen to our archived episodes: RadioPublic|LibSyn|YouTube Support the show: Patreon|PayPal: 1x or monthly|Square Cash * Done with Wednesdays? David Waldman and Greg Dworkin un-Wednesday us with their usual acumen and camaraderie:
Done with COVID? COVID isn’t done with you. Omicron 2.0 is dropping in the US… Actually, it’s more like Omicron 1.2. Persei 8 fans are still waiting. David Perdue got a dose, so did Mark Warner.
Democrats don’t close schools, COVID closes schools.
The right-wing slaughter continues. Is it murder or human sacrifice? Many of those dying certainly could not be considered “informed enough” to consent... Just remind those people to give the horse the Ivermectin first so that they in turn can receive the correct dosage. After that, they should go to the hospital and demand doctors save their life. Because then, the responsibility is on the staff. Except in Florida. No one should get sick in Florida.
It also helps to not be so ignorant. No, schools aren’t lowering tables and installing litterboxes to accommodate furries… (Don’t try to explain this to them or you’ll look just as dumb.) Jerry Falwell Jr., who probably does have a dog dish under his nightstand, believed his wife needed him to be a bit furrier.
Racist moron Glenn Youngkin catered to racist morons by launching a CRT snitch line to report teachers. Strangely enough, this has also been attracting the attention of non-racist non-morons. Kristi Noem is several times as stupid and dangerous as Youngkin... after all, she has put more effort in. Misinformed and extremist is no way to go through life, but it keeps Republicans from being primaried. The people who forged and submitted false elector documents only did so as a backup plan in case they needed to cheat.
Listen to our archived episodes: RadioPublic|LibSyn|YouTube Support the show: Patreon|PayPal: 1x or monthly|Square Cash * School districts around the country continue to find themselves in disagreement with the virus about reopening policies.
John Eastman discovers a new constitutional amendment for Trumpniks to love, even though TFG says he hates it. Meanwhile TCG (the current guy) in Virginia is turning out to be pretty Trumpy, even as he encourages turning in teachers. Though the same could be said for a lot of Gop govs.
And one Idaho school board is done with (telling parents about) the virus, too! In fact, every Republican in the state is kind of done with sanity.
Senior Idaho Republicans are Crazy correspondent Joan McCarter came by, to do nothing to dissuade us of that. But we did—as always—get some insights into the situation in Idaho, and a run down of the next emergencies in Congress. You know: the old government shutdown trick, the old election protection bait-and-switch, and of course, the old Manchin bait-and-switch.
Listen to our archived episodes: RadioPublic|LibSyn|YouTube Support the show: Patreon|PayPal: 1x or monthly|Square Cash * Whew! David Waldman announces that COVID 19 finally disappeared this weekend! It kind of was like magic, wasn’t it? Oh no, sorry, typo — that’s “Aaron Rodgers” ... Aaron Rodgers who went away. The pandemic, on the other hand is a lot tougher. Bari Weiss and Bill Maher aren’t “done” yet. Even Sarah Palin won’t be able to ghost this virus… or perhaps she can.
As Greg Dworkin explains, going back to normal from the pandemic depends on which pandemic you are talking about, and which normal you hope to return to. The trick is, you need to get used to a lot of people dying all of the time. Donald Trump, Samuel Alito, and Glenn Youngkin have become fine with people dying in their hands, so you can too. Mask policy on the other hand, that’s something some people are ready to die, and kill for. If one mask prevents the sale of one gun, that’s a violation of a sacred right. It’s America, so high schoolers held back until they’re 18 or over can now carry guns, plus they don’t have listen to anyone talk about someone else’s civil rights anymore.
You know who had a bad day though? Donald Trump! They’re picking on his little girl! No — Ivanka! Ivanka Kushner! Of course, her dad had plans for seizing voting machines, overthrowing democracy, etc. , but Ivanka is barely two Rittenhouses old and should be left alone. Newt Gingrich plans for January 6 committee members to be locked up by next January.
January 6 insurrectionist lawyer Paul Davis is now patriot lawyer for patriots since his previous employment changed the locks. John Pavlovitz has Republican friends, but he doesn’t respect them anymore. Rick Wilson might have a few Republican friends left, but don’t bet on it.
The Virginia Attorney General ran low on state people to fire and since moved on to firing the private sector. Over in Great Britain, Conservative MP Nus Ghani was fired for showing too much “Muslimness” in meetings.
Listen to our archived episodes: RadioPublic|LibSyn|YouTube Support the show: Patreon|PayPal: 1x or monthly|Square Cash * Brrrr! David Waldman warms the airwaves with a Friday KITM:
Nobody understands Republicans! When Marjorie Traitor Greene talked about Jewish space lasers, she didn’t mean to imply that “ALL” Jewish people had space lasers! When Lauren Boebert seemed to imply that “ANY” Jewish people that she sees at the Capitol are spies… well she probably does mean that. When Mitch McConnell says “Americans” he certainly does not mean “all” Americans, though. And, Mitt Romney really appreciates Officer Eugene Goodman, after all it is so hard to find good help nowadays.
Republicans would rather lie than breathe. Wisconsin Senate President Stuart Adams tested positive twice for COVID, which almost forced him to tell the truth. A Florida County Health Director encouraged his staff to stay safe and live, which violates Florida Man rules, so Ron DeSantis had to get rid of him. If you want to prepare for the pandemic’s next phase, and like podcasts, check out The Ezra Klein Show.
It’s not just COVID. Trump and the GQP are furious at Brad Raffensperger because he didn’t go Big Lie, but that doesn’t mean Brad isn’t a professional liar. The Michigan Republican Party Co-Chair Meshawn Maddock was caught telling the truth about directing fake elector certificates. Good luck to Meshawn in her future endeavors under the bus. David points out that Republicans can take any truth and make it a lie.
The FBI did see the Capitol siege coming, they just aren’t telling the whole truth yet.
Meatloaf said:” If I die, I die.” Well, he did do that.
Hope Hicks, how does she do it? (Answer: With pixilated nudity.)
Listen to our archived episodes: RadioPublic|LibSyn|YouTube Support the show: Patreon|PayPal: 1x or monthly|Square Cash * Evil won again in the Senate. What can you do, but keep fighting? You’re probably thinking “Darn that filibuster! Hasn’t someone noted its misuse over these years and come up with some workaround?” If you are thinking that... you probably haven’t had a chance to hear any “second hour” of any KITM before. David Waldman is ready (in KITM’s second hour, of course) to relateSenate parliamentary procedure to yesterday’s events and possible strategies going forward, again. David tries to fill in the details around Chuck Schumer’s plan to make filibusters talk again and filibuster-ers work again.
But first, Greg Dworkin called in to talk about the potential of a Russian invasion into Ukraine while it still remains a “potential invasion”. The UK and maybe even Canada expect a little skirmish or two this weekend. Then there’s the overthrow of the United States by fascist forces, which unfortunately is still ongoing, and not just by the little nutcases, but from the big nutcase all the way down. The Supreme Court voted 8 to Clarence Thomas’ wife to allow Donald Trump’s records to go to the January 6 committee. Brett Kavanaugh adjured Donald to be just a tiny bit smarter.
Meanwhile, President Joe is doing just fine, it’s just that it’s too hard for the media to come up with a headline for that.
Listen to our archived episodes: RadioPublic|LibSyn|YouTube Support the show: Patreon|PayPal: 1x or monthly|Square Cash * David Waldman and Greg Dworkin bring us up to date, over the hump and prep us for President Joe Biden’s update this afternoon.
The GQP tried to overthrow the US, and still is. So is Russia, although we may not be first on their list.
COVID, especially Omicron, is surging through the US, as scientists continue to track spikes of dumbassery making things worse for everyone. The French will not suffer fools, at least in public spaces anymore. Quite a few Virginians aren’t idiots, (especially around Loudoun County, natch) and aren’t about to risk their, or their children’s lives for Glenn Youngkin.
For those smart enough to protect themselves, the Biden administration is deploying free test kits and masks. In turn, Fox News will now do an exposé on their Chinese manufacture.
Floridians will never live down the reputation Ron DeSantis brought to them, especially the dead ones, although they are also loath to admit to dead Floridians. Ron wants his own police force to enforce his own facts.
Meanwhile, Boris Johnson was forced to go to the naughty centre, and even then, might not survive the pork pie plot.
Airlines might require cellphones to be turned off for takeoff and landing, not just in the plane, but for everyone near the airport.
Democrats who voted for Susan Collins aren’t deeply concerned about much it seems.
New York State attorney general Letitia James is filing fraud claims against Donald Trump and his family. Looks like they might need to plead the fifth a few hundred more times.
Listen to our archived episodes: RadioPublic|LibSyn|YouTube Support the show: Patreon|PayPal: 1x or monthly|Square Cash * KITM, satisfying and fresh! David Waldman broadcasts with extra crew at the World Headquarters while his area gets slammed by snow. (If you call that snow.) and is driven insane by catchy jingles. (If you call that a catchy jingle.) Joan McCarter’s observance of Martin Luther King Day distracted from her observance of the calendar, and she almost missed calling in, but she did, and they talked, and we had a show:
Whatever pauses school attendance might help the Omicron wave to pass through and relieve pressure on school districts, which is good, but isn’t just a blue thing, but an everywhere thing, and periodic closures add up to blanket closures when they happen by the thousands.
Glenn Youngkin promised to listen to the parents but can’t quite make out what the parents who didn’t vote for him are saying. His anti-mandate mandate violates the law, and the constitution, but some of his supporters do have a history of that behavior. Meanwhile Youngkin initiates an investigation to come to a conclusion he has already dictated.
Neil Gorsuch has only 8 coworkers but is such an entitled prick one of them can’t even come into work.
The Biden administration forced the resignation of a prominent right-wing activist and conspiracy theorist. Of course, there is a market for that sort of thing elsewhere. You heard it here first, but finally enough other people have heard about forged electoral documents that a second state attorney general is contacting federal prosecutors.
Chuck Schumer has postponed the filibuster and voting rights fight to next week, and unless that fight includes a lot of punching, the outcome is pretty much decided. Forcing Joe Manchin and Kyrsten Sinema to actually debate would be helpful as well. In fact, anything that makes a Senator’s work harder should be pretty effective on motivating the lot of them.
Look, I made it through a summary without mentioning the former guy… oop!
Listen to our archived episodes: RadioPublic|LibSyn|YouTube Support the show: Patreon|PayPal: 1x or monthly|Square Cash * Hey! Today’s one of those Mondays that you can listen to David Waldman, but you aren’t required to use headphones! (Unless you’re shoveling snow.)
Greg Dworkin was also observing Martin Luther King Jr. Day this morning, but not the time, so he was a bit late to the KITM patter party today.
Across the nation, MLK Jr. is universally venerated. Of course, conservatives prefer their leftist heroes quiet beneath the ground. Glenn Youngkin helped tamp down the grave with a “day one” signing of an executive order banning divisive uppityness in K-12 education. Divisiveness has been a problem in schools since… well, that’s something we shouldn’t be discussing in schools, isn’t it? Cuckoo Wren Williams in fact prefers students know something less than nothing and his “day one” action was to submit a bill to mandate that. Wren, of course copied someone else’s work for his submission. Youngkin also mandated the elimination of mask mandates for schools, but existing levels of education encouraged Virginians to not comply.
Some believe female soldiers look a little girly dancing.
If actual Census figures got out, just think of how divisive that could be! Stupidity is being mandated across the country, which journalists will tell you is a clever move by Republicans, lest some of their wokeness might peek out. The most trusted man in America, Joe Rogan may speak out as he wishes, but all others better watch their step. Many Supreme Court Justices fall right into the middle of the Fox News demographic and behave accordingly. The GQP has determined election outcomes to be incredibly divisive and to be eliminated, but earlier outcomes might still need to be addressed after the midterm elections.
Russia is having a frustrating time getting the US to obey Trump-like to their commands these days. Denmark is warning of a rising threat from Russia, China, Iran and others, including phoning in threats to family members.
Oh, and there’s Omicron still, which hasn’t peaked yet, but reading the tea leaves Greg predicts things might become much better in the next short period of time.
Listen to our archived episodes: RadioPublic|LibSyn|YouTube Support the show: Patreon|PayPal: 1x or monthly|Square Cash * Wren M. Williams, who sounds like he might be a bird but shouldn’t try to match wits with one, proposed a bill in Virginia to require teaching that Abraham Lincoln debated Frederick Douglass. This is inaccurate, as well as stupid. David Waldman believes that Wren might be thinking of the Douglas who debated Lennon, Wilson, Carter, Taylor, Hamilton, and Charo, but that could be giving Williams a bit more credit than he deserves. Nevertheless, in that spirit of generosity, David reads through the bill today. More stupid and reactionary laws have been known to pass, and this is supposedly the trouble Virginia was asking for.
Looks as if there was quite a lot of sedition around the insurrection a year ago. The forging of Electoral College certificates offers fresh insights about the plot to overthrow the US. (Insights sighted and cited by David a month before the insurrection.) Finally, tough questions are being asked, and investigations might begin. Guilty are guilty, even when they’re co-workers. Mo Brooks is the gift that keeps hitting the fan.
Having no moral center to weigh them down, Mitch McConnell, Kyrsten Sinema, and the Trump Supreme Court are able to turn on a dime.
Feeling like a little ekphrasis this weekend? Check these sodes dropped by none other than our most reasonable bard in America, KITM correspondent Darwin Darko!
Listen to our archived episodes: RadioPublic|LibSyn|YouTube Support the show: Patreon|PayPal: 1x or monthly|Square Cash * You’re spoiled. As a us regular KITM listeners already know… well, there isn’t much us regular KITM listeners don’t already know, because David Waldman has already covered it for us on earlier KITMs, therefore it’s difficult getting a handle on what’s “common knowledge” in the rest of the world.
For instance, there is this thing going around called “COVID”, and it’s bad stuff. You wouldn’t want to catch it. Glenn Beck now has caught it twice. Glenn probably thought he had "natural immunity" from catching it the first time. Oh well, live and learn... or don't. There are even vaccines that prevent COVID or mitigate symptoms. Dewormer, dirt, Viagra, pee, are all bad substitutes for vaccines. Herschel Walker, who wants to be a Senator, believes there exists a secret mist that kills any COVID on your body. If so, wouldn’t MAGA be lining up for the treatment?
There isn’t a grocery shortage out there starving Americans, however aCOVID testing site shortage has been a boon for the corrupt and incompetent.
We all know who signed forged electoral documents sent to the National Archives … because they signed them. Will they be prosecuted for felonies? Who knows? Matt Gaetz is begging to go to jail, perhaps someday he shall.
Did you know that the Ohio Supreme Court might have just saved democracy? The bar for GQP overreach might have actually been reached in the state where the Governor’s son runs the court. Of course, democracy was saved yesterday, but that doesn’t mean it’s out of danger. Chuck Schumer has a very short time to rescue us and has a plan. David explains it all in intricate detail, so that us regular KITM listeners will again be puzzled on how others just can’t keep up.
Listen to our archived episodes: RadioPublic|LibSyn|YouTube Support the show: Patreon|PayPal: 1x or monthly|Square Cash * David Waldman and Greg Dworkin** are back to help us over the mid-morning mid-week hump:
You can try to ignore Omicron, but Omicron’s always thinking of you. Joe Biden introduces a new star player to the team. The CDC might recommend people upgrade to N95 or KN95 masks, which have always been better, and recently pretty essential. Remember to ask for N95 and accept no substitutes! You’ll be helping hundreds of thousands of low-income essential workers and kids, as well as untold numbers of idiots.
Speaking of, Kelly Cannon, stalwart defender against redlight cameras and vaccination has died, and it wasn’t from running a red light. West Virginia governor Jim Justice feels extremely unwell and tested positive for COVID. Might be a coincidence, of course. Don’t ask Kristi Noem. She hasn’t quite got it figured out. Assistant Speaker of the House Katherine Clark suggests House members who refuse masks should spend time together in their own special place.
Don’t tell Melania, but Donald Trump lasted a full 9 minutes withSteve Inskeep. Ezra Klein says at least Steve Bannon made the trains run on time. Ezra, you made Steve blush. Mike Pence thought of testifying against those who intended to hang him, until he realized that they still intend to hang him. The “Green Bay Sweep” always required a body count, just different logistics and implementation.
Who forged electoral count certificates in several states? Were they just good ole' boys never meaning no harm? Or could it be just a little bit more than the law will allow?
Listen to our archived episodes: RadioPublic|LibSyn|YouTube Support the show: Patreon|PayPal: 1x or monthly|Square Cash * Everyone needs to know. Does one take Viagra before drinking the pee, or… Actually, no one needs to know that.
Anti-Vaxxer QNut Doug Kuzma only wished he caught something metal like Anthrax, but he got just as dead with COVID. Anti-masker Nancy Mace is infected by liberty virus once more. Hospitalizations are up more than 50% over last week, and they can’t all be stupid people… or can they?
David Waldman and Joan McCarter have other things to talk about today:
Insurrectionist-stan Madison Cawthorn is running into trouble with that thing he says he read but didn’t. No, not the Bible this time, but the Constitution. North Carolina voters have filed a lawsuit to disqualify Ol’ Rebel Cawthorn from the 2022 ballot for being an insurrectionist.
Congressional Democrats marked the solemn anniversary of January 6, while Republicans couldn’t find enough rocks to hide under. Donald Trump tries the absolute immunity ploy one more time, but the Judge is getting tired of hearing it. People wanted to hang Mike Pence, but Mike knows the real meanies are on the U.S. House select committee. Georgia hopes to decide whether to bring charges on Trump sometime during our lifetimes.
Is it a crime for Trump operatives to commit a crime? David believes “Yes”. If that’s the case, a lot of Trump operatives could be in legal trouble.
President Joe Biden will support a filibuster “carve-out” to protect voting rights. On the other hand, Joe Manchin… uhm, we already know what Manchin says and what he believes and what good it does to reason with him and Kyrsten Sinema. The only thing more useless would be to pursue actual Republicans.
Listen to our archived episodes: RadioPublic|LibSyn|YouTube Support the show: Patreon|PayPal: 1x or monthly|Square Cash * We need to discuss the potential collapse of democracy in the United States. We need to, but we can’t. David Waldman and Greg Dworkin** are overwhelmed by the effects of Omicron, as everyone in America is, whether they’ve caught it yet or not.
Joe Biden has been aiming at the Pandemic for a year, but it is a fast-moving target and Americans aren’t awfully agile. Then there are the Karens and the Bethanys and assorted nutballs to contend with… along with the unvaccinated, are transforming a “mild” variant into a catastrophic disaster. When experts find themselves perplexed, who do regular people trust?
COVID floods school systems but without teachers, or adult supervision, security, or control, should schools be open right now? It’s not like they are a Red Lobster.
Listen to our archived episodes: RadioPublic|LibSyn|YouTube Support the show: Patreon|PayPal: 1x or monthly|Square Cash * Bomb cyclones and Omicron pandemics are potential natural disasters, but which would you pick to cuddle up with under a blanket to listen to David Waldman and KITM?
Cuddling with Steve Doocy is never a good choice, especially so, as he and his entire family now have Omicron. If only the most ironic subjects caught the stuff, it might be fine, but unfortunately both the CDC and life insurance companies are describing a 40% increase in death rates from 18 through 64 years of age. Time to fire anyone helping maintain that death toll.
You’d go through a lot of contenders for a “profile in courage” before you picked Mike Pence, but then the Divine Hand of Providence, or what not, ended up selecting him on January 6. That Hand might be the only plausible reason for his survival on the day as well. Many wanted to hang Mike Pence that day, but many wanted Mike Pence hanged. There is a difference, with many fine people on both sides. It just depends on who’s counting.
Also — 5 myths about the filibuster that ignorant listeners of other podcasts probably believe.
Listen to our archived episodes: RadioPublic|LibSyn|YouTube Support the show: Patreon|PayPal: 1x or monthly|Square Cash * Last year about this time, I texted David Waldman** to see what the holdup was on the links he owed me, and he directed me to turn on my TV.
I trust that he and Greg Dworkin have things squared away today, as the links are on time, but I have been unconnected for about an hour, so...
January 6. Stillinfamous, even as the GQP tries to spin it away. It felt as if we had so many questions a year ago, although the answers were waving right in front of our faces. President Joe Biden did not mince words in today’s speech, clarifying how we reached this moment. Trump will be lashing out between holes at Mar-a-Lago throughout today. Here's where Big Lie candidates are running to control voting. Old liars aren’t running, and don’t mind the truth.
Last year, most of Americans wanted Donald Trump removed from office. Some year his face might be on Mount Rushmore, especially if we let him get away with it.
It’s hard to keep my Nates in polling straight. Isn’t one a pompous, self-aggrandizing hot-taker and the other one is named Cohn? Oh, I forgot that Silver is the arrogant, shallow one, but Twitter did not forget. Anyhow, nuance isn’t Silver’s thing.
Almost half of Ohio’s national guard are incapable of executing a peaceful mission or even following a simple command. What are they good for? They aren’t the only ones that feel helpless. Trump cultists can’t believe this is all happening to them, and yet it continues.
Meanwhile, Joe Manchin doesn’t want voting reform but wouldn’t mind some little changes. Chuck Schumer wouldn’t mind both, thanks.
Listen to our archived episodes: RadioPublic|LibSyn|YouTube Support the show: Patreon|PayPal: 1x or monthly|Square Cash * David Waldman has great news for those clamoring for KITM merch as decorative glass bottle supply chain issues resolve. Then, Greg Dworkin** calls in to clear the air on our latest issues and concerns: We are in the midst of an Omicron tsunami, and as with tsunamis, it’s not the wave that is the problem as much as it is the flood. Steep rises in cases and patients are overwhelming hospitals through sheer numbers if not severity. Hospital staff have fought this battle for years now and are exhausted. Oh... and people are still dying, and mutations, new and old are just around the corner. In Ohio, Mike DeWine sends in the National Guard… half of whom are unvaccinated. Tomorrow should be a pain in the ass, for liars and criminals as well as for those people attempting to tell the truth and bring people to justice. Some are hesitant about prosecuting dangerous cult leaders, following the last 50 years of Manson family rage. Of course, Mitch McConnell objects to changing the filibuster. It really doesn’t matter to anyone what reason he would tell you, least of all to him. Returning to the filibuster isn’t like putting a fart back into the jar. It’s… Well, it isn’t.
Listen to our archived episodes: RadioPublic|LibSyn|YouTube Support the show: Patreon|PayPal: 1x or monthly|Square Cash * Are you still forgetting to write “post” before the “apocalyptic” on your checks? Well, perhaps you should forget a bit longer, and see what this week hasin store for us.
Donald and his Trumpettes plan a big show this Thursday to kick off Hades’ stewardship drive for 2022. David Waldman invites Armando on KITM to discuss last year’s coup for which Peter Navarro Et al., had precisely balanced death and mayhem until MAGA hoi polloi ruined it all. (Domestic terrorist-insurrectionist Ashli Babbitt was no angel, by the way.) You’d think Republicans didn’t know how electoral votes should be counted or how the Constitution or Supreme Court works… Or, maybe, just maybe, they just D.N.G.A.F? Trump recently endorsed Hungarian Prime Minister Viktor Orban in case you had a single lingering doubt.
Joan McCarter returns to KITM, remembering the great Harry Reid. President Joe Biden endorses filibuster reform, in the event anyone returns to the Capitol again. Joe Manchin and Kyrsten Sinema are open to filibuster reform, and it might not take more than one attempted overthrow of the government to push them to a yes vote.
Listen to our archived episodes: RadioPublic|LibSyn|YouTube Support the show: Patreon|PayPal: 1x or monthly|Square Cash * Happy New Year! Or whatever kind of new year! The year may be new, but most of the stories are pretty old. That is, it’s still pretty much all pandemic and putsch. How can the media help us get through the ongoing insurrection? Center democracy. And hurry, please, because polling says that we may only just barely be hanging on to a majority actually kinda down on the whole insurgency thing, depending on how you put it. Over at the January 6th committee, ex-convict and disgraced NYC police commissioner Bernie Kerik has turned over what amounts to one of two written confessions. Fauci and the feds are still working on hammering out what WTF we’re all supposed to do. For now, anyway, since we don’t know what’s coming next. Well, after a whole bunch of crazy case counts, anyway. That much we know. But will vaccination finally uncouple case counts from death rates? How about from hospitalization? We hope so! In other news… Chris Matthews is still pretty sure this all your fault, ya commie. Speaking of commies, they finally gave Empty Greene the boot. And David Fahrenthold is taking his show to Broadway (where there are theaters on both sides). Today in Scaring the $#*% Out of You: Russia says they’re out of patience with Americans, who mostly have no idea what they’re talking about.
Listen to our archived episodes: RadioPublic|LibSyn|YouTube Support the show: Patreon|PayPal: 1x or monthly|Square Cash * New Year's Eve! Last KITM of the year, the month, the week, and probably even of today. David Waldman celebrates like he did last week for Christmas Eve, by detailing various blood-curdling tales of horror.
Colorado is being decimated by sudden and fast-moving wildfires… like, 100 mph fast. They would welcome the fish raining from the sky in Texarkana.
Last week the LAPD came to a bicycle lock fight armed to take out the suspect and any Quinceañera shoppers nearby. That officer has been named, but not yet named “Officer of the Year”, a title often bestowed to police right before they’re pulled into court. After 4 killings a Pennsylvania trooper was honored as if he reached a new level on Duck Hunter.
Vladimir Putin sure does miss the former guy. So much so that he just might turn the United States into a pile of radioactive ash and have us buried in stacks of four, covered in lime, and packed down with a bulldozer.
If Putin doesn’t take us out, the US military might in 2024.
US Attorney Byung Pak quit rather than be fired to pave the way for the 2020 overthrow, as per his Senate testimony.
The most successful Republican, achieving MAGA ideological goals while retaining the love and support of Democrats, is John Roberts.
The search continues for Florida man Ronald Dion DeSantis who recently fled deep into his alligator and COVID infested state and hasn’t been seen since.
If you think Omicron has hit the US, you don’t know the half of it. England is being walloped right now, and they have a government that’s been nice to them.
Listen to our archived episodes: RadioPublic|LibSyn|YouTube Support the show: Patreon|PayPal: 1x or monthly|Square Cash * Today, David Waldman and Greg Dworkin unsuccessfully attempt to run out the clock on 2021. What are they hiding? We have only one more day to find out!
The BBC tries to maintain their standards, Fox News tries to maintain their salaries. Alan Dershowitz says “Lock her up”! but only his accuser, not Ghislaine. Lauren and Marjorie want everyone locked up except friends and relatives.
Donald Trump wasn’t aware that the January 6 committee would be talking about his criminal activity, because that could be really bad. Trump lawyers attempted a last-minute subpoena dodge but forgot to check banking hours.
That AOC and Joe Manchin are in the same party seems problematic, until you consider who’s in the other party. To consider the GQP part of democracy is to grade on a curve. Republicans used two sets of books in Ohio redistricting, one for the public, one for the backers, because of course, they’re only held accountable by the latter.
The Omicron wave is hitting the US, and unfortunately the crest is not yet in sight. Elsewhere in the world there might be some good news for them, which might mean good news for us, soon, or eventually, probably. Science will have the answers sometime, but it’s the elected official’s job to provide the guidelines, and periodically, mandates. Who can tell the National Guard what to do?
Listen to our archived episodes: RadioPublic|LibSyn|YouTube Support the show: Patreon|PayPal: 1x or monthly|Square Cash * David Waldman gives “Don’t Look Up” a KITM thumbs up. But, is DLU sharp, funny political satire, skewering myopic yet Machiavellian politics, corporate media unsullied by introspection... and all us idiots, or is just heavy-handed and factional? Greg Dworkin says “Meh, it could be better, could be worse”… which is coincidentally just how he reviews “Omicron” (Spoilers ahead!):
This is one big wave of infections, another record for the US. And, that’s just the ones being reported. Pediatric COVID cases are soaring, filling children’s hospitals. On the other hand, deaths are barely reflecting that trend, so what does the science say? Unfortunately, comet or COVID, scientists just aren’t equipped to deal with us idiots, so it’s back to politicians to save us. (No one can help the idiots who’d get on a cruise ship.)
A U.S. District Judge says orders are orders for Oklahoma National Guard members told to take a vaccine. Oklahoma’s Governor says no one, not even a virus, can boss him around.
Swing voters don’t like January 6 Committee critics. Lunatics, however, are more interested in the lunatic vote. Peter Navarro coordinated looneys at the top to overthrow democracy on January 6 but didn’t plan on the looneys at the bottom screwing things up. David patiently explains how Navarro’s plan couldn’t possibly work, as if MAGA could hear him over their strumming of their lips with their index fingers. Meanwhile, the DOJ, along with more and more judges, is set to lay down some sanity.
Harry Reid always got it done, had no apologies, and was already missed. RIP.
Listen to our archived episodes: RadioPublic|LibSyn|YouTube Support the show: Patreon|PayPal: 1x or monthly|Square Cash * David Waldman ponders the question of eternity (and fractional divisions thereof) while we traverse this holiday interstice together:
Wait. A Russian honeypot was stupid enough to marry Madison Cawthorn? What was she thinking? Cawthorn nervously laughed his way through the alibi for his visa-less visit to an illegal casino near St. Petersburg. Madison remains nervously laughing through this morning.
The January 6 committee is wondering why it took Donald Trump 187 minutes to belch out 1 minute and 7 seconds of love for his very special insurrectionists, as it required only 2/3 of that time for Donald to listen to that morning’s KITM. Trump reminds us that nobody can legally make him care about anyone.
Trump set his 2016 GOP Convention HQ in a Cleveland hotel owned by Ukrainian/Russian mob boss Ihor Kolomoisky. Kolomoisky does own plenty of Cleveland, as well as probably more than a few Clevelanders. Ihor has the corner on Russian language broadcasting in Ukraine, which is the sad truth. There was some grift behind Trump’s months-long voter fraud claims too, believe it or not.
President Joe Biden is behind a filibuster carve-out for voting rights, if it is absolutely needed, and it is absolutely needed right now. Biden is confirming judges like there’s no tomorrow.
Listen to our archived episodes: RadioPublic|LibSyn|YouTube Support the show: Patreon|PayPal: 1x or monthly|Square Cash * Greg Dworkin** presents our now-traditional Yuletide pandemic ‘n politics roundup. He takes note, first of all, of the holiday-related reporting lag, which comes on top of reporting which generally sucks, as it is.
So, what should we expect from omicron? Are we all gonna get it, or what? Should we do isolation and quarantine differently this time?
You can’t launch anti-vaxxers into space. But you can launch the exciting, new Webb telescope.
In Jan. 6 committee news, witnesses are playing a new game to delay and confound the investigation. But another failed Mike Flynn lawsuit may end it before it starts.
What’s with all the guns in the Congressional Christmas cards? Well, it’s not new. But it is dumb. (Though not necessarily the dumbest gun thing going on at the moment.)
But enough about dumb gun things and dumb gun people. Let’s talk about dumb mask things and dumb mask people.