Bonnie Low-Kramen: Recent Episodes

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Bonnie Low-Kramen Interviewed by Vanessa Ogle for Authority Magazine

August 26, 2024

“Company leaders are slow to set new norms within the culture that makes it totally acceptable for women to rise through the ranks without diminishing talk of “being promoted because she is sleeping with someone,” stereotypical comments on appearance, and harsh judgments about behaviors. Powerful men take advantage of women because they often feel entitled to do so.” Bonnie Low-Kramen

Thank you so much for doing this with us! Before we dig in, our readers would like to get to know you a bit more. Can you tell us a bit about your “backstory”? What led you to this particular career path?

I grew up a smart but shy little girl in suburban New Jersey. I didn’t have many friends and felt a little like an alien, somebody who didn’t fit in. I dove into books and television and dreamed of working in show business someday. (I thought I might fit in there.) When my mother took me to New York City at age 6 to see my first show at Radio City, I was hooked. As a senior in high school, I got cast as “Mame.” At Rutgers, I majored in English and Theatre which combined the things I loved. My mother worried that I would not be able to get a job. Somehow, I wasn’t worried and assured her I would figure out how to support myself. I kept my word.

Can you share the most interesting story that happened to you since you began your career?This story happened in 2016. I have been teaching my Be the Ultimate Assistant workshops since 2011. My classes are filled with mostly women who are ambitious, high achievers, and yet, often lack confidence in their own abilities. Part of my goal with my teaching is to support each woman to truly see who they really are, to honestly see their gifts and talents and all that they bring to the table in their work. By the end of the workshop, I love that my students are walking and talking differently with this newfound awareness.

Debbie F. attended the Chicago workshop in March, 2016. She left the class on fire and very excited to go back to discuss her new ideas with her CEO executive. Within a week, she reported that her CEO was so impressed by her plans, that he gave her a substantial raise and full support to implement those well thought out plans. The next time I heard from Debbie was in June. The CEO needed to take an emergency 6-month leave of absence and he named Debbie the “Acting CEO” of the company. Needless to say, this was highly unusual and generally unheard of. It still is.

When the other executives asked him why he named Debbie, his assistant (!), the CEO said that he had complete confidence that she would act as his surrogate. She did that job for six months with great success. Debbie said that never would have happened without the training and I know that’s true. There is great power in women supporting other women in authentic and organic ways that make sense to them. I see what is possible when that happens. It happened to me.

Can you share a pivotal moment in your career that significantly influenced your path to leadership?In 1996, I had been working with Olympia Dukakis for 10 years pretty much on my own, figuring things out by the seat of my pants. Winging it. By then, I was painfully aware of the lack of resources for all assistants, and certainly the much smaller subset of celebrity assistants and I was frustrated by it. And then I received a notice about a new group forming in New York City called New York Celebrity Assistants. I was living in New Jersey, my son was 8 years old, and I knew down to my toes that I had to belong to this group. I joined along with 7 others. A year later, I was asked to serve as President.

I had never served in an official leadership position before. I was nervous, and excited too. I asked Olympia for her opinion and I’ll never forget her response. “Do it! Do it! You have to do it! It will be so good for you.” I served for 2 years and then 13 more years on the Board. Until you have known what it feels like to officially be the person in charge, it really is impossible to know. That feeling stays with you and gives you empathy towards other leaders. Leadership is not an easy gig. New York Celebrity Assistants is now 28 years old and going strong. I am very proud to have been a part of that and grateful to have work with a female executive who supported me to grow. It is a lesson I have never forgotten.

None of us are able to achieve success without some help along the way. Is there a particular person who you are grateful towards who helped get you to where you are? Can you share a story about that?Olympia Dukakis was not famous when I met her on a snowy New Jersey night in 1985. She was interviewing me to work as the Public Relations Director at the Whole Theatre in Montclair. Olympia was the Producing Artistic Director and no one got hired at the theatre without her meeting them. I remember her strong handshake, her ripped jeans, and her strong face. Those eyes were laser-focused on me as she asked, “Why do you want to be here?” I felt like the most important person in the world as she listened to my story. Olympia paused and said, “When can you start?”

Two years later, Olympia became famous and won her Oscar for the film Moonstruck costarring Cher. I had a front row seat for all of it and what a wild ride it was. That unforgettable year was 1988, the same year that Olympia helped her cousin Michael Dukakis run for President of the United States and the year I gave birth to my son Adam. A wild time indeed. Side note: We did all that without a computer or a cell phone. Over the years, I would joke that I wished Olympia would get nominated for another Oscar because we would do it so much better!

Olympia Dukakis was not only a gifted actress. She was also a gifted manager of people and a strong advocate for women. She wanted me by her side, knowing that people were saying things to me that they would never say to her. We worked together for 25 years.

Vivid memories: When Olympia would introduce me, she would say, “Meet Bonnie. She works with us.” (Rather than for us.) This show of mutual respect meant a great deal to me and to others. When she could sense I was afraid of something, she would say, “Don’t waste time on fear, Bons. Fear is boring.” And when I told her I was pregnant, I asked if she thought it was possible to be a great mom and a great worker? She didn’t hesitate. As the mother of three, she said, “I would rather hire a working mom over anyone else because they are forced to be organized.”

Olympia passed away on May 1, 2021. Her memorial event was held outdoors at the Delacorte Public Theatre in New York City. It poured rain the entire time and 250 people sat there in the rain paying tribute to her for two hours. That was a leadership lesson that will never leave me. Under my umbrella, I knew that there was no other place on Earth I would rather be on that night. I also couldn’t help wondering who would sit in the rain for me? Who would sit in the rain for you?

Is there a particular book that made a significant impact on you? Can you share a story or explain why it resonated with you so much?There is only one book that I have ever gone to the bookstore on the day it came out to buy my copy. The date was March 12, 2013 and the book is Lean In by Sheryl Sandberg who was COO of Facebook at the time. The book is close by me right now, dog-eared, and filled with highlighter and sticky notes.

Sheryl wrote about what it really meant to be a working woman in the modern workplace and I had never read anything like it. I felt she was writing about me and about the women in my workshops and audiences. I could strongly relate to what she was writing. Here are some of the things she wrote.

“The most important career decision a woman makes is the choice of a partner.”

“Don’t leave before you leave.”

“If you are offered a seat on a rocket ship, don’t ask what seat.”

“You don’t get if you don’t ask. Women will make more money if they ask for it.”

Perhaps the most important thing she shared was the idea that women have to work three times harder than men to prove that they are worthy of leadership. When women are working to achieve leadership positions, she encouraged her readers to enthusiastically support these women not only to get there, but to stay there. Sheryl made the crucial point that everyone makes mistakes, but when women make mistakes, they are treated especially harshly, more harshly than men. Society is very quick to be critical of women and to tear them down. The time to support them is during the tough times too.

Now, when I see a high-profile woman receiving intense criticism, I have trained myself to ask, “Would that be happening if it were a man?” It is a useful question.

There’s more. Hey, you asked. Sheryl revealed that it wasn’t until she became the only woman on the leadership team at Facebook that they installed parking spaces for pregnant women and an actual room for breastfeeding, as opposed to a broom closet. This really drove home the value of diverse voices at the decision-making table. Since then, I have heard Sheryl Sandberg speak in person and listened to her TED talks and I am more impressed than ever. I still quote from the book as it had a profound and lasting influence on me.

Do you have a favorite “Life Lesson Quote”? Do you have a story about how that was relevant in your life or your work? “If not now, when? If not you, who?” When I have times of self-doubt, I challenge myself with these two questions, essentially asking, what exactly am I waiting for? If the pandemic proved anything to us without a doubt, it is that time is fleeting and none of us is guaranteed tomorrow.

I’ve had times in my life when I’ve been at a crossroads, with an important decision to make. I had to realize that there may never be the “perfect” time to act. One of the most life-changing decisions for me was the one to get a divorce after 27 years of marriage. Finding my voice began with a whispered, “I think we need to get a divorce.” It took everything I had to muster up the courage to speak those eight words. I knew that just saying them would throw a grenade into my life and that nothing would ever be the same. I was right.

Once it was over, I felt a freedom like I had never known. Living through this experience helps me to relate to women and men who struggle with bullies and are perplexed by what to do next. I understand what happens to your soul when you are torn down on a daily basis. These behaviors happen in the workplace just like they happen at home. Never again will I allow attacks on my self-confidence and self-esteem, but I will never forget or deny how it feels. This knowledge helps me to help women and I feel privileged to do so.

How have you used your success to make the world a better place?Before she passed away at age 89, one of the things my mother Ruth Low would say is, “Just try to leave the world a little better than the way you found it.” I am working to make the workplace a better place through my writing, teaching, speaking, and coaching. Since I spend my life in rooms of mostly women, I am passionately committed to ending workplace bullying and to closing the wage gap. My mission is to light fires inside women to break through the socialization we’ve all had to see our way clear to behave in ways that support women to succeed.

My work includes working with men to be enthusiastic allies and mentors to women, not because it is nice to do but because it is smart to do. To support women to be treated respectfully and to be paid properly will mean a positive difference for whole families. When women get onto a different vision for themselves, to stay open and curious, to question, to not automatically take no for an answer, the world changes for the better. I see it happening before my eyes and I am optimistic about the future. By the time my seven grandchildren are in the workplace, my fervent hope is that it will less likely that they will be bullied, less likely that they will be discriminated against, and more likely that they will be paid properly. If I can help move the needle on these things, that will have been time well spent.

Ok, thank you for that. Let’s now jump to the primary focus of our interview. According to this report, only about 31.7% of top executive positions across industries are held by women. This reflects great historical progress, but it also shows that more work still has to be done to empower women. In your opinion and experience what is currently holding back women from leadership and management?

There are several factors holding women back from leadership roles, despite more women than men receiving college degrees. Here are 6.

1. Time. The data is clear that women are still responsible for 6 hours more of housework and child/parent caregiving per week than men. Male-dominated corporate cultures still reward working long hours, hours that women do not have.

2. Socialization. The way women are socialized as young girls hurts us as grown women. We are told to “know your place” and taught to view women as competition and adversaries rather than allies and collaborators. Too often, a woman’s default behavior is to be defensive and suspicious towards other women. These destructive and self-sabotaging behaviors hold women back. Women benefit from having positive female role models from whom they can learn a different way of behaving. Men need that too!

3. Stubborn stereotypes, cultural norms, and slow accountability. Company leaders are slow to set new norms within the culture that makes it totally acceptable for women to rise through the ranks without diminishing talk of “being promoted because she is sleeping with someone,” stereotypical comments on appearance, and harsh judgments about behaviors. Powerful men take advantage of women because they often feel entitled to do so.

• • In 2017, the #metoo and #timesup movement began with the Hollywood producer Harvey Weinstein being accused of sexual assault by actresses who said he was abusing his power to make or break their careers. As part of his defense, he said, “That was just the way business was done. Everyone was doing it.” In 2024, Weinstein is in jail for assaulting over 100 women.
  • In 2021, Yoshiro Mori was forced to step down as the Tokyo Olympics chief because he said that he did not want women on the Board because they “talk too much and meetings take too much time.”
• The double bind is real. Women can be assertive, and they are accused of being aggressive. A woman takes charge and she is called a bossy you-know-what and a man who takes charge is a strong leader. A woman can be pretty but not too pretty. Women are judged more harshly than men.
• Lack of structured mentorship programs. Women do not suddenly get named to be the CEO. There is a path that she needs to take that typically requires a sponsor and/or mentors. For example, Sheryl Sandberg had Larry Summers, Treasury Secretary under Bill Clinton, who believed in her and helped open doors.
• Lack of self-confidence. Most women are socialized when they are young to not advertise their ambition out of fear of appearing too full of themselves. Women are bearing the wounds from being told to “stay in your lane” or “if we want your opinion, we will ask for it.” Women get interrupted six times more than men do and men often take credit for a woman’s work without repercussion and this eats at confidence. Women are starving from the lack of praise and positive feedback from both men and women. Frankly, it is lonely at the top, especially for women. For women, community support is essential for success.

This might be intuitive to you but I think it will be helpful to spell this out. Can you share a few reasons why more women should become leaders and managers? The data clearly shows that women rate better than men on many leadership competencies, especially ones that requires high EQ – emotional intelligence. These include taking initiative, develops others, practices self-development, collaboration, teamwork, and motivates and inspires others. Male leaders will benefit individually and companies will benefit as business entities through inviting these talented and skilled women to the table. The data confirms that a more diverse group (gender, age, and ethnicity) is a more creative, resourceful, innovative, and profitable one. It makes complete sense to have women in leadership as they will be role models for other talented women who are looking for an inclusive company in which to work. Women make superb leaders when, 1. Supported to have the opportunity to do so and 2. Are not vilified when they make a mistake.

Here is the main question of our interview. Can you please share “5 Things We Need To Increase Women’s Engagement in Leadership and Management?” 1 . Senior leadership needs to decide that supporting female leaders is a priority and to advertise their stance. Once that happens, the website and all materials need to reflect that initiative, including job descriptions. These materials on the Careers tab of websites are the first contact with anyone considering working for a company.

PepsiCo, Dell, and Synchrony all do a great job of showing the world that they stand for women’s advancement. Synchony offers leaders financial incentives for promoting women. Microsoft and IBM are leading the way for encouraging young women to pursue STEM careers.

Indra Nooyi led PepsiCo as CEO for 12 years from 2006. In her book, My Life in Full, and in interviews, she candidly shares how women are never quite enough and that there is a very real double standard in play. “Women are either too loud or too soft, too feminine or too masculine.” She was committed to leveling the playing field for women at PepsiCo and the website shows it in photos, videos, in language, and in programs for advancement.

2 . Family and women-friendly policies need to be created and enforced in companies, such as education around sexual harassment training and anti-racism and discrimination. Being a working mother is something to be celebrated rather than a reality to be hidden or shamed.

Hilton, Hubspot, and YouTube are companies that have policies providing financial assistance for adoption and generous family leave.

Susan Wojcicki passed away on Aug 9, 2024. She was the CEO of YouTube from 2014-2023. However, it was in 1999 when she rented her garage to Larry Page and Sergey Brin to start Google and she was 4 months pregnant with her first of five children that her extraordinary journey began. Susan took a chance on these guys who promised that they would support her to be a successful working mother. Susan became Google’s VP of Marketing.

Susan helped create the policy that would entitle any Google employee who has a baby to 18 weeks of paid maternity leave. She was the first person to take it and then return to work. This became front-page news which is how I learned about Susan Wojcicki and her advocacy for working parents. In Dec, 2014, Susan wrote an article for the Wall Street Journal telling her story and making the point that to give fair family leave would mean more women would return to work. In fact, the new 18-week policy resulted in 50% lower employee resignations. https://lnkd.in/dgjHnVFE

Other company leaders have followed Susan’s lead, but progress in family leave is still slow. In 2024, the United States is still the only country that does not have a national policy for paid leave. However, 13 states plus the District of Columbia all have mandated paid family leave. It’s optional for the rest.

3 . Pay Transparency, pay equity, and closing the wage gap need to be a normalized part of the culture along with open communication about the details of these plans to level the financial playing field. Hiring practices can reflect these initiatives to pay women fairly rather than the lowest amount they will agree to.

CitiGroup and Google are a part of an increasingly growing group of companies that are publicly posting salary ranges for all jobs and are spending money to close the wage gap. In 2018, Marc Benioff, CEO of Salesforce at the time, famously appeared on the TV show 60 Minutes to discuss how they intended to close the gap.

• In Hollywood, actors Chadwick Bozeman, Chris Pratt, and Benedict Cumberbatch have all taken pay cuts in order for their female costars to earn the same as them.
• In the WNBA, superstar Caitlin Clark is making $76,000 in her rookie year (2024) compared to NBA star Stephen Curry who made $3 million in his 2009 rookie year.4. Investment in Education and Professional Development. Education on many subjects is crucial for both men and women at all levels in order to raise awareness and build bridges of empathy and communication between the genders. Melinda Gates is donating $1 billion dollars to support women’s access to leadership roles. Necessary educational programs include;
• • Sexual Harassment Training
  • Anti-Bullying Training
  • Diversity Training
  • Leadership Training

Johnson & Johnson is one of the best examples of a company whose leaders strongly believe in professional development and employee resource groups as champions of the staff, especially women.

5 . Build the pipeline of female talent starting in colleges and business schools. Male and female students need to be hearing about gender issues in the workplace while they are in college through professionals who are guest speakers.

Cisco, Microsoft, Spotify, Adobe, and Boston Consulting Group all partner with business schools and have strong leadership development programs.

In your opinion, what systemic changes are needed to facilitate more equitable access for women to leadership roles?Working mothers must be enthusiastically supported with childcare facilities, funding for childcare, and a company culture that normalizes working parents. The quality of a woman’s contribution can no longer be measured by the number of hours she is able to clock in. Policies must be made transparent and supported at the highest levels in order to avoid an us vs. them dynamic and accusations of favoritism from the team.

What strategies have you found most effective in mentoring and supporting other women to pursue leadership positions?Removing the degree requirement on job descriptions is a major development in supporting women to pursue leadership positions. When company leaders invest money in the support of networking groups rather than simply tolerating their existence, that sends a strong message of importance and respect. This message of support needs to be reiterated and regularly reinforced from the CEO level on down.

How would you advise a woman leader about how to navigate the challenges of being a woman in a leadership role within a male-dominated industry?Transparent communication – written, verbal, in-person – will be key to winning the trust of the staff. Meet with the team as a group and also 1:1. When Hubert Joly was the CEO of Best Buy, he went into a store, wore a blue sales shirt, and joined the sales team on the selling floor. He asked questions and listened to the answers. That is great advice for all leaders, women and men. Talk to your people. You don’t have to have all the answers. Your team wants you to be honest and vulnerable enough to listen to ideas. A woman leader will benefit from having strong male allies who can enthusiastically speak to her value and performance.

How do you balance the demand for authoritative leadership with the stereotypical expectations of female behavior in professional settings?Authoritative leadership does not work and it is especially disastrous for women. Women are judged far more harshly than men, under the best of circumstances. I recommend addressing the stereotypes head on and clarify what the expectations are under your leadership. As the CEO of Campbell Soup, Doug Conant was famous for his leadership philosophy: Be tenderhearted with people and tough minded on standards. My advice is to be crystal clear about expectations and put them in writing. Once they are agreed upon, there is something to lean on when issues arise.

You are a person of great influence. If you could inspire a movement that would bring the most amount of good for the greatest number of people, what would that be? You never know what your idea can trigger. Do One, Teach One Mentoring Programs in college. This program is meant to develop strong empathetic leaders who will not lose touch with what truly motivates people. Students will be randomly assigned another student to spend time mentoring and another student who will be their mentor. At the end of the semester, the students will write a paper about what they learned from each experience that they will use in the future. The goal here is that leaders need to learn much sooner what really matters to their staff and that knowledge comes from talking 1:1 with them. A Zenger Folkman poll shows that the average age that a leader receives their first training in managing people is age 46 which is much too late.

How can our readers further follow your work online?

I welcome you to connect with me on LinkedIn and to visit my website blog.

The post How We Can Increase Women’s Engagement in Leadership and Management appeared first on Bonnie Low-Kramen.

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By Bonnie Low-Kramen | Administrative Professional Today | 2024

Q. Is being a committed professional assistant who is consistently willing to go above and beyond an old-school idea and oh so pre-pandemic?

Some people say it is.

A. I say absolutely not.

In the post-pandemic workplace where assistants are working fully remote or in a hybrid way, trustworthiness and accountability for work has become more important than ever.

Here’s why.

We know that some employers are not fully convinced that productivity and performance are at the level they desire and they feel that remote workers may be slacking off…and for good reason. Some staff are scamming their employers and hope they don’t get caught. Here’s some of what is happening.

Quiet Vacationing A recent Forbes article has called out the ethics around the practice of quiet vacationing, which is taking time off but not informing your employers. Why is this happening? In a volatile and uncertain job market, staff are insecure about their jobs and are worried that if they are out of sight (even on video), that they may be out of mind and therefore, lay-off material.

To be “present” while on vacation feels like an important way to stay on top of the situation. Clearly, this indicates an inability to be honest with leadership and vice versa. I actually don’t think this phenomenon applies to the assistant position because of the nature of the work, but how about the other staff who work with assistants?

Outsourcing Your JobHmmm. Have you heard that some staff are outsourcing their own work, at their own expense? According to Business Insider, the tasks being outsourced are tedious and time-consuming, and are being performed by lower cost labor in other countries. Again, it is hard to imagine an assistant doing this for two reasons. The first reason is that, in general, they have a high work ethic and moral standard. The second reason is that their salaries probably could not afford it. They just wouldn’t do it, but do you know anyone who is?

The Casual WorkplaceWhile working remotely may mean the ability to stay in your pajamas and slippers all day, what does it mean for work ethic? What I hear in my workshops is that EAs enjoy dressing professionally for work, even if they are doing it on a webcam. Furthermore, even if EAs are not required to go into the office five days a week, many report that they happily choose to go in for more time when it makes sense. This work ethic matters.

The Case for a High Work EthicYour reputation as an assistant matters. It always has and it always will. Your colleagues see when you are consistently the one who moves towards a problem, rather than away from it. They notice when you are the one to raise your hand to volunteer when the sudden departure of a colleague creates a big gap on an important project.

IRL – In Real LifeStephanie is the EA to the CEO and while she only has five years of experience, she has a very high work ethic and takes her role representing her executive seriously. She is a respectful communicator who is discrete and honors confidentiality. She is also a very quick study who has methodically met 1:1 with every other assistant in the company which has accelerated people getting to know her. She has not hesitated to ask for their advice.

Stephanie is a hard worker and is determined to learn everything she can and supports others to do so as well. She has become admired, well-liked, and something of a role model to the team which has resulted in a much improved company culture.

Her executive and all of his direct reports are aware of Stephanie’s commitment. She has just received a merit financial bonus as well as recognition from her peers.

The Bottom LineLeaders hire staff to help them accomplish the goals, mission, and vision of the company. It is reasonable to expect that the people who are hired are going to perform these jobs personally and with determination to achieve the very best results not just on some days, but every day.

This is not an outdated idea at all. This is a strategy that will mean the difference between being on the list of those getting laid off and being on the shortlist for promotion.

Which list do you want to be on?

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By Bonnie Low-Kramen

This is an important message to the assistants and support staff of the world. We are facing a serious image problem and it is threatening the future of the profession. Here’s what I mean.

It’s happened again. You probably read the story of the Friends actor Matthew Perry’s tragic death by an overdose of the drug ketamine. He died on October 28, 2023. Only recently did the news break that it was his live-in assistant of 25 years who administered the fatal dose and he is being legally charged.

The story is still unfolding, and there are many aspects to what happened including the fact that Perry had a drug problems over several decades. As assistants, we know that there is no way for the people who closely surround a principal to not be involved in all activities, be they legal and not.

How does the celebrity assistant world impact the larger world of assistants, one might ask?

The answer has to do with the fact that plenty of the world’s assistants perform personal tasks in addition to the professional ones for their busy executives. We also know that they get asked/voluntold to perform tasks that test the ethics boundary. As a result, all assistants get lumped together into how mass media paints the picture of assistants after one of these sordid events. These characterizations shape perception in people’s minds.

The London Times asked me for a comment on Aug 22 on the Matthew Perry story. I was quoted accurately. (That isn’t always the case.) I’m also aware that the writers of articles are not the ones who write the headlines. There are people who do only that. It was the headline that hit me hard.

For celebrity flunkeys, just saying no is not an option“Flunkeys”?? I felt insulted and disrespected by this wholly inaccurate and irresponsible term. Assistants may be many things, including sometimes being people who make big mistakes and even break the law, just like people in other professions. This does not make them flunkeys.

Why is this such a big deal? Because the mass media has the power to shape perception and assistants have long suffered from a lack of respect and a clear understanding of the role because of it. It doesn’t matter that the article was factually correct. Some readers never get past the headline and that’s the only thing they remember. Words matter.

The administrative profession has lived through the 2006 film, “The Devil Wears Prada” where assistants are portrayed as beaten-down gofers. In 1980, the comedy “9 to 5” hit the screen making the point that the way to handle a misogynistic, sexist bully manager was to kidnap him and hold him hostage while the assistants take over. Interestingly, in 2024, a new documentary is coming out entitled, “Still Working 9 to 5.” The tagline for the film is, “It’s not funny anymore.” Right.

What’s the problem? The legacy of these two films, in particular, has had a lasting impact on the perception of the assistant role. At best, there are extreme mixed messages about the value of assistants.

The assistants I know all over world are most definitely not “flunkeys.” They are highly intelligent, committed women and men who hold technology certifications, sometimes college degrees, speak multiple languages, and are able to pull off miracles every day of their working lives – even at night and on their days off.

These are the people who go into the office even when they are not required to do so because their executive needs them. They do it because they are responsible professionals. During the pandemic when everyone else in the company was sent home, it was the sole assistant who would go into the office to take care of things. After all, someone needed to do it. They are the ones who set their alarms for the middle of the night to check on their executive’s flight in another part of the world. They go above and beyond every day. This is not just a job to them. It is a career. It is a calling for a special breed of people.

The RealityThe reality of the role is that the people who work in support of their executives possess high EQ, and are resourceful and resilient. Their job is to do whatever it takes to get the job done. They understand that they are in the “yes” business. Many assistants in 2024 are earning six figure salaries and are worth every penny and pound and every currency there is.

And, whether they work with a celebrity or a corporate executive, sometimes they are asked to do/voluntold to do/demanded to do tasks that cross ethical lines. Yes, that happens.
It’s Personal. I was one of those assistants for 25 years to Oscar-winning actress Olympia Dukakis. I know what it feels like to be asked to do something you are not at all sure you can do – like get a police escort on a Saturday afternoon – and actually do it. I was no flunkey.

I can tell you that there are plenty of examples of assistants, like me, who work with their managers in healthy partnerships over a long period of time. However, those stories do not tend to hit the mass media. Stories about healthy partnerships are not as sexy and sensational as the toxic ones and do not get social media attention which is why the world does not hear about them.

So, this issue is personal. In 2024, assistants report that managers say disparaging, demeaning, disrespectful, and demoralizing things to them like;

• You are just an assistant. You are not eligible for a bonus or training.
• Stay in your lane.
• If I want your opinion, I will ask for it.
• Your job is so easy.

Why do managers do this? In part, it is impact from the mass media perception. I also believe it is because the profession is populated by 93-97% women and in general, women have serious difficulty speaking up to these comments. No one teaches women how to do this. No one taught me until I worked with Olympia. Now I teach it.

What’s to Be Done?In the current post-pandemic workplace, the stakes are very high to compete in our demanding world. Leaders are being challenged by a tough economy and choices about how to think about and invest in AI and morphing technology.

Where do assistants fit in this picture?Assistants continue to be the backbones of companies, the right arms to their leaders, and the face of the culture. Executives still need a trusted professional by their side whose word they depend on more than a robot’s. As such, they can and must be taken seriously in playing an important role in this evolving workplace. Assistants must find the courage to speak up and have a voice at the decision-making table. They must insist on respect and acknowledgment for the very reasons they were hired in the first place. And, they cannot allow distraction by the sensational headlines about the bad behavior of a small minority to color the perception of all assistants.

I speak with assistants who are underestimated, undervalued, underpaid, and misunderstood. Too many are bullied with demeaning and diminishing language which poisons the entire workplace.
It’s time for the assistants of the world to be a part of the solution to address offensive and inaccurate characterizations of the administrative support role in collaboration with leaders, HR, and recruiters. The future of the profession depends on it.

It’s time to speak up. It’s not funny anymore. Truthfully, it never was.

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By Bonnie Low Kramen and Kevin SamesContributors: Jeremy Burrows, Prakshal Dalal, Dusty Klesner, CAP, Ike SaundersA Note from Bonnie Low-Kramen: The men working as Executive Assistants are rare. That is because the administrative profession is dominated by women – 93-97% worldwide. As someone who believes that all staff need to have their voices heard – especially underrepresented staff – I feel it is important to shine a light on the day-to-day experiences of the men working as EAs in 2024. In this article, we get to read their stories in their words and walk in their shoes to build bridges of empathetic understanding and ignite productive conversations.

Kevin Sames: In my work as an Executive Assistant in the Philadelphia, Pennsylvania area for over 10 years, I know that on most days, I will get questions and side-eyed looks. I know I will be navigating misconceptions and stereotypes about the work I do. Why is that? The Executive Assistant role is historically dominated by women (formerly called “secretaries,” beginning in WWII when women needed to take on the jobs that men could no longer do). Despite the war ending 79 years ago, some ideas have been stubbornly trapped somewhere in the 1950s.

My men colleagues and I believe it is time to clarify the situation. That is the reason for this article. There is too little written about us. An important note is that even the contributors to this article have varying views about the role, but being able to share openly and honestly helped us to explore the topic. Even among men, we have not had the same experience.

In today’s post-pandemic workplace, Assistants are often referred to by various titles such as Executive Business Partners or Executive Assistants. In this confusing landscape, men challenge traditional gender roles. Some continue to face significant hurdles in gaining recognition and acceptance within their positions, and some have always been easily accepted into the role.

Despite our proficiency and dedication to our roles, many men colleagues encounter persistent misconceptions and biases from both colleagues and society at large. The following are our own unique experiences. In addition, I believe all of us who participated in this article have a heightened sensitivity to the issues that women encounter working in professions dominated by men.

As a way to explore various aspects of this topic, Bonnie and I spoke to four men who work in the administrative professional field.

Why Are More Men Not Seeking the Role?Kevin: Whether held by women or men, the role is typically one of low visibility. As a group, we tend to be “behind the curtain,” as we’re focused on helping our leaders succeed. We sometimes have opportunities to step forward – beside our leader(s) rather than behind. We love sharing our experiences and expertise with others. The administrative profession is a “best-kept secret,” especially for men. If more men understood the scope of responsibilities, the salary potential, and the positive impact we have on others, more would join the profession.

Jeremy: I believe men, in general, have historically lacked the desire to enter the Executive Assistant profession because it hasn’t been presented as a career. Why do men dominate the sales profession? I believe it’s partly because there are clear goals and paths to make the money you want to make. If we want to encourage more men to enter the profession, there has to be a defined career path. We have to build fair and compelling compensation packages. If Assistants are paid well, rewarded for excellent performance, and given opportunities to earn more money, more men will be attracted to the position.

Prakshal: To get more guys into the EA game, we need to ditch the stereotypes and showcase the cool side of the profession. Maybe make it sound like a secret society (in a cool way) and highlight the fact that being an EA is like being the Batman of the office – the unsung hero making everything work behind the scenes.

What can the women in the profession do to make things easier and more inclusive for men Assistants?Dusty: Check your own biases, remove stereotypes, be inclusive, and support each other. A basic human need is to feel included, part of a community. Double-check what assumptions you’re making and don’t shy away from a conversation. We much prefer to have a conversation to ensure alignment, rather than assumptions being made that turn into an issue in the future.

Prakshal: For our fantastic female colleagues in the EA world, making things easier for us guys is as simple as recognizing that we’re all in this together. Sharing experiences, treating everyone as equals, and maybe throwing in some humour to break down any lingering stereotypes can go a long way.

What Discrimination and Misconceptions Exist about Men in the EA Role?Kevin: In 2009, I was laid off. I had an interview for an Executive Assistant position with a company based in Philadelphia which turned out to be the worst experience of my career. Here’s what happened.

I completed two 1-hour interviews and was set for a 1-hour interview with the executive I would support. The interview started well, but 10 minutes in, he was talking about family and asked about my family. I was surprised by this line of personal questioning but decided to respond honestly and openly about my husband. I will never forget the look on his face. The conversation ground to a halt.

The executive then briefly asked one question, barely listening to the answer. He then stood up and thanked me for coming in for the interview. When I left the meeting, I was to meet the Executive Assistant who had already interviewed me for lunch. She told me that she was sure I was going to get the position. She kept saying to me at lunch that she couldn’t believe the interview was so short, and that the two previous interviews with other candidates lasted 1 hour. I didn’t know what to say at that point. I just reverted to ask more about the role.

On the way home is when I started to get mad. Clearly this person had an issue with gay employees. While I am glad I didn’t get offered the job, the fact the interview ended right after the question about my family said it all.

I went to the Philadelphia Human Rights Commission and filed a discrimination lawsuit. When the lawsuit proceeded to the point of interviewing those involved with the interview process, the issue was settled out of court. The company was required to have bias training as part of the settlement. I wish it never happened.

Jeremy: I’ve had several executives assume my CEO’s Assistant was a woman. “I’ll reach out to her,” they’ll say, before they know I am a man. But truth be told, I don’t mind. I have plenty of privilege as a white man in America, so I’m not offended when someone assumes that I am a female Assistant. They find out the truth soon enough, and it has led to interesting conversations.

Dusty: Early in my career, I remember going for an interview and the individual who greeted me didn’t believe I was there for the interview. She specifically said, in disbelief, “I was expecting a woman” when I introduced myself. In an office setting, the administrative professionals were in a communal space of cubicles, while executives were in offices around the perimeter. A visiting executive asked me why I wasn’t in an office like the other guys. I was once referred to as “the rooster of the hen house.”

The typical “Hi ladies” greetings in group emails. This has improved over the years. When this occurs, I make it a point to follow up with the sender and kindly ask them to discontinue making such generalities. Also, holiday gifts that include make-up, flowers, lotions/body butter, perfumes, hair accessories, coupons for spa and facials. I once received a bouquet of flowers “because all the ladies did, and we must be equal.” I respectfully decline the gift, thank them for the idea, and encourage them to consider something more personal that conveys the sentiment. I’m allergic to flowers – should I have to disclose that? Better to focus on equity instead of equality.

Another misconception is that all male EAs are homosexual. How does one’s sexual orientation relate to their career? It doesn’t.

What Is Something You Wish People Knew about Working as a Male EA?Prakshal: One thing I wish people understood about being a male EA is that it’s not about gender; it’s about skill and passion for the job. Just because I’m a guy doesn’t mean I can’t rock at organizing chaos and keeping things running smoothly. It’s not a gender thing; it’s an organizational superhero thing.

Ike: Being a man in a women-dominated career path affords me great opportunities to learn more about women’s experiences in the workplace. I have greater insight, empathy, and knowledge as I build out my professional relationships with women who are in the same role I am in but who encounter more challenges or workplace discrimination. I am aware of my privilege as a white man. These factors increase my opportunities to develop my allyship and advocacy for women, and I wish more men – in my career path as well as others – had as much opportunity as I do to work with smart, ambitious, and capable women.

Kevin: The EA position is about passion and what you are good at, which does not have to do with gender. It just so happens I am a good “stabilizer” in all the chaos that goes on daily. I would also urge others to ask for the title they want. I was hired as a ‘Business Associate’ and after a conversation, I requested a title change to ‘Executive Business Partner’, which more clearly defined the role.

Normalizing Men in the EA ProfessionIke: The role of the Assistant in the workplace is an invaluable, critical one. If executive and personal Assistant jobs are marketed with the true scope of responsibilities disclosed with transparency and as careers that have large, real, meaningful impact – something women in the career have long known, despite minimal to no recognition of that fact – I think men would be more open to considering the career path.

Normalizing the role of an Assistant as a legitimate career path relies on both improving the corporate perception of the impact our roles have as well as correcting men’s misconceptions about them. Employers can better highlight careers as Assistants as access for men to a diversity of their own worldviews and experiences by joining a women-dominant career track. For both men and women, eliminating or supplementing the word “Assistant” in job titles and better educating colleagues and executives that the title does not mean subservience or inferiority would go a long way, too. (Resource links below.)

Kevin: I currently work with Nish Parikh, CEO & Co-Founder of Rangam Consultants. During my interview process, with him and others, I never had to explain why as a man I was interested in this position. The “why” was explained as the interview proceeded – highlighting my lived & learned experiences in this role. Happily, that is just our company culture.

I asked Nish for his thoughts on hiring men for EA roles. Here’s what he said:

“I’ve had the privilege of hiring and working with many talented individuals, including male Executive Assistants. It’s time that we normalize their inclusion in the profession. Their unique perspectives and skills have been instrumental in keeping me on track and driving our company’s success. It is essential that we continue to challenge stereotypes and create an inclusive environment where everyone, regardless of gender, feels valued and empowered to excel in their roles. It’s about embracing diversity within our communities and recognizing the invaluable contributions that male EAs bring to the table.” ~ Nish Parikh, CEO, Rangam Consultants

The Future for Male AssistantsKevin: Going forward, an important change to make would be in the title of the role. We, the men and women in these roles, handle all aspects of office management. This includes managing highly confidential information as we give vital support to all the stakeholders who are our responsibility. Our contributions to the success of companies are significant and deserving of commensurate respect. It is 2024, not 1954. We are much more than the obsolete ideas of secretaries.

A successful future for the men of the administrative profession will be about collaborating in a thriving community of fellow professionals. All members of the profession need support and recognition.

Finally, there are more administrative professional associations, training events, clubs, and groups now than ever before – both in person and online. We urge men to actively participate in these groups. Join us and help elevate the profession. Celebrate your successes and seek guidance for the challenges you are facing. Together is better.

Resource Link: “Why should you stop referring to women as females?” by Sacha de Klerk

This article first appeared in Executive Support Magazine, a global training publication and must read for any administrative professional. You can get a 30% discount when you subscribe through us. Visit the website at www.executivesupportmagazine.com to find out more or to get your 30% discount email sdouglas@executivesupportmedia.com and tell them we sent you.

I am Bonnie Low-Kramen, TEDx speaker, author of Be the Ultimate Assistant and trainer of Executive Assistants all over the world. As part of my work to build ultimate business partnerships, I was published in Harvard Business Review and featured in a Forbes online cover story. In the research for my second book about the workplace Staff Matters, People Focused Solutions for the Ultimate New Workplace, I have had over 1,500 conversations with assistants, leaders, HR professionals, recruiters, and business school professors in 13 countries and 38 states. I am excited to work with you towards building your ultimate workplace. Click here to set up a time to speak with me about your training needs which can be delivered virtually or in person.

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By Bonnie Low-Kramen

If bullying makes your head hurt, now we know why. According to Jennifer Fraser PhD, author of The Bullied Brain, the human brain is visibly harmed by the chronic stress and often devasting cruelty caused by prolonged bullying and incivility. PTSD or Post Traumatic Stress Disorder can occur in both adults and children.

That’s the bad news. The good news is that the harm is not irreparable. The damage can be healed, but it requires a return to psychological safety and a commitment by leaders to a zero-tolerance policy on workplace bullying.

But why is damaging someone’s brain at work normalized?Decades of scientific research document the physical harm to brains from all forms of bullying and abuse. The damage is visible on brain scans. Bullying is becoming a medical issue in the workplace, especially for assistants.

In my work training Executive Assistants all over the world, they report stories of colleagues who intimidate and create a hostile work environment through incivility. Workplace incivility is defined as “low-intensity deviant acts, such as rude, profane, and discourteous verbal and non-verbal behavior.” Incivility in the workplace can be subtle, yet destabilizing and distracting, which is part of the manipulation. All of it takes a toll on the brain.

The detrimental impact of bullying on an assistant’s brain can be seen in the following ways;1. Trouble thinking clearly 2. Failure to understand social cues 3. Difficulty thinking through a problem 4. Poor behavior moderation, i.e. out of control or acting out 5. Anxiety and depression 6. Self-harm and suicidal thoughts 7. Eating disorders and Substance abuse 8. Headaches and Stomach aches 9. Paralysis – Inability to act or speak

In my work training Executive Assistants all over the world, they report stories of colleagues who intimidate and create a hostile work environment through incivility. Workplace incivility is defined as “low-intensity deviant acts, such as rude, profane, and discourteous verbal and non-verbal behavior.” Incivility in the workplace can be subtle, yet destabilizing and distracting, which is part of the manipulation. All of it takes a toll on the brain.

Fraser explains that the human brain’s top priority is survival and it works to find safety.A bullied brain is one that feels unsafe and dependent on others to acquire a sense of security which is critical to mental and physical health. In the workplace, the powerful prey on those who have less power and bullying is about domination, control, coercion. Incivility and bullying do not enhance the bottom line.

Fraser says, “The more unsafe a brain feels, the less resources it can direct to problem-solving, connecting with others, creativity, and productivity. Instead, the brain’s resources go into assessing danger levels and surviving which includes bathing the brain and body in the stress hormone cortisol. Too much and too frequent influxes of cortisol can do significant damage to mental health and brain function.”

The data shows that brains are unique, like fingerprints. That’s why different people have varied tolerance levels to bullying and incivility. Bullying is particularly concerning for children and youth who, by definition, are dependent on others for their safety. They are less equipped to cope with the stress of feeling unsafe.

In the workplace, Executive Assistants are dependent on their leaders to create a safe environment in order to do their best work. When bullying is tolerated, that creates an unsafe environment which is toxic to the brain. Further, the witnesses to bullying bear almost as much of the damage as the targets themselves.

There are currently no laws in the United States that specifically address workplace bullying, mainly because lawyers have difficulty defining what it is. Massachusetts is currently working to be the first state to pass legislation. However, there are laws that address the related issues of sexual harassment and discrimination in the workplace and bullying in schools.

Far too many Executive Assistants have witnessed or experienced workplace bullying and report symptoms of PTSD and negative impact to their ability to work at top efficiency and effectiveness. This data about the science of the brain proves that it is time for a fresh look at ending this toxic workplace problem that is making all our heads hurt.

This article first appeared in Executive Support Magazine, a global training publication and must read for any administrative professional. You can get a 30% discount when you subscribe through us. Visit the website at www.executivesupportmagazine.com to find out more or to get your 30% discount email sdouglas@executivesupportmedia.com and tell them we sent you.

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The women of the world represent 40% of the employed population and 49.6% of the total population. That makes Women’s History Month an ideal time to acknowledge and honor women with wisdom from other women. After all, no one knows better about how to move forward with confidence, strength, grace, and self-respect.

We are all standing on the shoulders of others who came before us. The benefit of looking at history and understanding where we have been is so that tomorrow is better, experience is our best teacher.

I reached out to women who I admire, respect, and trust for their advice on how to navigate a complicated landscape. Let’s face it. The pandemic wreaked havoc on women, bullying is poisoning too many, and the wage gap is still gaping, to name just three realities.

Thank you to these generous women who allow us to stand on their shoulders. We can learn from their loving fearlessness to look life squarely in the face and tell it like it is.

Olympia Dukakis on the friendship between womenI worked with Oscar winner Olympia Dukakis for 25 years as her Personal Assistant. In that time, I had a front row seat to her process of how she would decide to act in a film – or not.

When she read the script for “Steel Magnolias,” she said yes. Olympia was the last one to be cast so her decision was based partly on the other actresses, and it was partly about the money. But her decision was mostly about the script. She would say, If it ain’t on the page, it ain’t on the stage.

The script was about the friendship of women. Olympia loved that at the beginning of the movie, the women could be seen as the beloved and well worn Southern female stereotypes – preoccupied with gossip, clothes, hair, flowers, and food. But then, the story suddenly takes a serious turn, and it is then that the audience gets to see what these women are truly made of. These women are steel magnolias – beautiful and soft on the outside and tough on the inside.

When the going gets hard, these women rely completely on their unconditional friendship. They run toward the problem, rather than away from it. Olympia believed that this is how all women really can be and, in these friendships, therein lies their collective strength.

One other from Olympia that she said to me and all women: The only people who benefit from women fighting one another are men. Thanks, Olympia.

Emily Dickens on taking charge of your careerChief of Staff, Head of Public Affairs & Corporate Secretary, SHRMConcentrate on building competitive skills, nurturing personal and professional relationships, and taking responsibility for your choices outside work, to make you less dependent on others for your success at work. You have the power to choose where to apply your talents. The decision shouldn’t be solely based on financial considerations but should also take into account the organization’s culture. When you feel that your current workplace is toxic, doesn’t see your value, is inflexible, or just no longer works for you then SPEAK WITH YOUR FEET. There’s no point in wasting energy trying to change a situation that won’t work. Pour that energy into you. When you’re a star, your skills and talents will always be welcomed elsewhere.

Kim Scott on agencyAuthor of Radical Candor and Radical RespectWhat do you do when you experience bias, prejudice, or bullying? You have every right to pick your battles. My goal is to help you make an intentional choice about how or if to respond so that you retain your sense of freedom and agency. It’s not your job to educate the person who just harmed you. But you may decide to do the work anyway because you care about them or want to stop them from doing the same thing to someone else. Do the work you choose to do, not the work that others are imposing on you with their problematic attitudes and behaviors.

Toni Morrison warned: “The very serious function of racism is distraction. It keeps you from doing your work.”

Stacey A. Cozewith, Esq. on being a working motherMy advice to women is not to hide your kids’ pictures or the latest story of what they did and how they got into trouble. Do not think we have to leave our personal stories or photos at the door before coming into the office.

My work product speaks for itself and letting down my guard and inviting others into my life on another level promotes and strengthens our relationships and the respect that I receive from others, including the compensation I command. I should not have a “mommy penalty” on my salary because I have children and neither should you.

When I first began having children, I was keenly aware that I could lose clients or lose work from my more senior partners, if they thought that my focus was on my family – and not dedicated to my firm. This way of thinking stifles our abilities, promotes more stress, and causes animosity. Now, with my oldest being close to 10, I have learned in the last decade, that talking about my children, my husband, myself on a personal level, increases my natural dopamine – it brings a smile to my face, it lets colleagues and clients share in the latest antics and tell me similar situations they have found themselves in, and allows us to connect on a deeper level.

Jennifer Fraser, PhD on empathyAuthor of The Bullied Brain: Heal Your Scars and Restore Your HealthThere has never been a more critical moment for women to harness their hard-wired empathy. Why? Because as neuroscientist Simon Baron-Cohen explains: “Women’s brains are innately wired for empathy, whereas male brains are “predominantly hard-wired for understanding and building systems.”

Succeeding in the workplace of 2024 means optimizing the female brain’s gift of empathy to create a like-minded community that refuses the broken ‘divide and conquer model’ and replaces it with the recognition that we will only survive human selfishness, cruelty, and domination by creating a healthier, more inclusive model. My mantra for the new model is “empathy empowers us to care for one another and unite all in a healthy collective.”

Carol Cozewith on listening to the advice of othersRetired DesignerMy advice to my granddaughters and all young women is this. Explore what you enjoy doing and what you are curious about, even if others don’t see it or understand it. Take a summer course, travel to a new place, do an online class to open your mind to new ideas. You never know what other ideas might spark or who you might meet. Don’t let anything stop you from pursuing what matters to you. They will try to tell you ‘what’s best for you.’ That’s about them, not you.

PS Know how to protect your body. Martial arts are a great idea.

Barbie on the contradictions of being a womanThe “Barbie” movie has made $1.4 billion so far, in part because of this monologue (excerpt below) delivered by America Ferrara. These are cautionary and true words for all women written by the film’s director Greta Gerwig.

“You have to be a career woman but also always be looking out for other people. You have to answer for men’s bad behavior, which is insane, but if you point that out, you’re accused of complaining. You’re supposed to stay pretty for men, but not so pretty that you tempt them too much or that you threaten other women because you’re supposed to be a part of the sisterhood.”

Marla K. Rhutasel on mentorshipARCO, Manager of Administrative ServicesEarly in my career, I was fortunate to encounter a leader who saw my potential, sharing her vision of who I could become and where I might serve. It altered my viewpoint to have someone in authority whom I deeply respected, encourage me to reach for more. To be successful, we must stop viewing other women as competition and instead be fully engaged in building each other up, providing support, and celebrating successes. No one achieves success alone, and when we lift others through our actions, words, and mindset, we create a ripple effect that multiplies.

Shelly Berman Rubera on learning from experienceBusiness StrategistYou are either stuck by life’s events or you are propelled by them…your choice. Every experience, especially the negative ones, holds valuable lessons. Maybe it reveals a hidden strength, exposes a limiting belief, or simply shows us what path not to take.

Maggie Olson on being youCEO Nova Chief of StaffBe unapologetically, authentically you. Until we stop second-guessing ourselves, our brains will not be fully free. Free to dream, build, and create the business, life, and world we want. For almost two decades, my mind was consumed with what I put into my body. After finding an Intuitive Eating therapist at age 34 and a few years of hard work following, my mental load – and mental model – has completely shifted. I’ve built a business, had a child, and created a beautiful life since tackling what was keeping me from being my most present self. BE YOU and lean in hard: success and fulfillment will follow.

Sharon Summerfield on elevating other womenWellbeing Coach, SpeakerLook for ways to invest and build relationships with other women. Acknowledge and celebrate others in meetings and in rooms they may not be part of. Create space to share, learn, and help to open new doors.

On the good days, come together and celebrate. In challenging times, ask for help. These relationships will make it safe to share and help you navigate forward. These connections offer oxygen of hope and help you realize you are not alone.

Bonnie Low-Kramen on speaking upAuthor, mother, and grandmotherThink about all the times you turned out to be RIGHT. The times when you silently predicted how something was going to go down and it did. You knew better than the others around you and you still do. Remember those times to give you gumption when louder voices are telling you no.

Each day is a new opportunity to show up, stand up, and speak up about the things that matter to you. Trust your gut and that voice in your head telling you what feels right and what you know is wrong. Don’t stay silent or complacent or complicit. Insist on being curious to dig further and to not automatically take no for an answer. There will be others who may be louder and sound more confident than you, but don’t let the bluster fool you. Take a breath and take time to think and remember those times.

Pay it forward and teach other women what you have learned. And remember one more thing. For better or worse, your kids are watching, listening, emulating, and imitating you.

What would be your advice to us? Happy Women’s History Month.

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By Bonnie Low-Kramen | February 2024

Seconds after the speech, my text messages blew up. One friend simply wrote, “Are you dying?” Here’s why.

“The Bear” actress Ayo Edebiri won her Best Actress Golden Globe Award on Sunday, January 7 and her acceptance speech still has the world buzzing with appreciation. As acceptance speeches go, it is one that will be remembered, especially if you work as an assistant – to anyone. Here’s what she said as part of her remarks.

“There’s so many people who I probably forgot to thank and—oh my God, all of my agents and managers’ assistants. The people who answer my emails. Y’all are real ones. Thank you for answering my crazy, crazy emails. Yeah, I’m really, really grateful.”

I know something about acceptance speeches. I worked in show business for 25 years as the Personal Assistant to Oscar winner Olympia Dukakis. When Olympia won her Oscar for “Moonstruck” on April 11, 1988, I was watching from my living room in New Jersey with my newborn son Adam in my arms. Had the timing been different, I would have been sitting in that audience in Los Angeles. I have vivid memories of that night – including being grateful that the Best Supporting Actress Award was the very first one given. With a proud and happy smile on my face, Adam and I went to sleep immediately following it.

Here was Olympia’s acceptance speech, which most people remember for her famous final line, “OK Michael, let’s go!” in support of her first cousin Presidential candidate Michael Dukakis. What I remember most though, is what she said right before that when she thanked “all my colleagues at the Whole Theatre.” I was one of those colleagues and I knew that I was one of the people she was thinking of in that moment. 100% certain.

Along with lots of other hard-working, not famous people, I played a role in Olympia being on that stage through the dozens of TV, radio, newspaper, and magazine interviews I coordinated, cars I reserved, hair and makeup people I scheduled, the photo shoots I organized, the meals I arranged, problems I solved, people I convinced, favors I called in, the doctors’ appointments, the workout sessions, the wardrobe fittings, the flights, the hotels, the meetings, and more. “I like your earrings better than mine with this outfit. Quick. Can I borrow them for this interview?”

I loved all of the work, despite the long hours. And it mattered a lot that Olympia acknowledged it. As the leader and a manager, Olympia knew what the best leaders, entrepreneurs, and business owners know. Your success rides on the work of others. Your company is only as good as the people you employ.

Why the speech caused such a buzzI can tell you that everyone in that room at the Golden Globe Awards was sitting there as a result of the hard work of a small army of people, all of whom deserve thanks. I can also tell you that talent agents’ assistants are a special breed. Cary Berman at the William Morris Agency was one of them and he is a dear friend 37 years later. We still talk about that insane time.

In my career, I have had the opportunity to know plenty of famous people. None of them got to where they are alone. None.

So I admit that’s what irks me. When I listen to acceptance speeches and for that matter, read interviews or listen to podcasts with famous people, I notice when they make it sound like they achieved success all on their own, alone. When I see this, it never fails to cause me to lose a bit of respect and think of them as arrogant and out of touch. The same is true in the corporate world. I find myself wondering, don’t they remember when they were first starting out and did not have power? Can’t they remember how it felt to work incredibly hard and not be thanked?

1988 was year number three for Olympia and me. We worked together for twenty-two more years. That speech was not the only reason I stayed, but it mattered. It mattered to a lot of us. We never forgot it.

What we can all learn from Ayo’s speech1. No matter who you are or what position you hold, being publicly acknowledged in an authentic way is a big deal.

InStyle Magazine put it this way, “Hard-working people everywhere — whether they are or ever have been someone’s assistant or not — were nodding and clapping and hell-yessing in agreement. Edebiri made the humble hoi polloi feel seen. You know why burnout culture and quiet quitting exist? Because too many people work too hard without acknowledgment or appreciation. Here was a funny, beautiful, and successful person saying: I know you hustle, and I am grateful.”

2. Take a look around when you give credit where credit is due

Ayo’s speech is worth noting in part because of what happened in the audience. It was spontaneous and real to see the happy and not a little shocked reaction of the people in the audience, including Taylor Swift, who were nodding in total agreement as if to say, “Yes, it is absolutely true. I feel that way about my agents’ assistants too!”

3. Thank the Assistants who run your businesses and your life

One of the reasons this speech has caused such a stir is because this kind of acknowledgment of Assistants happens so rarely. These people are not rich or famous and what they crave is feedback. (Famous people get that all the time.) The Assistants of the world are deserving of the praise so, whether you are their manager or their colleague, I urge you to give them their due.

Today is a great day to say thank you to the people who organize your life and keep the wheels turning smoothly at your company. Be sure to pay them a proper salary and assign a job title that respectfully reflect their level of responsibility. Who knows? They may just stay for 25 years. Ayo will never have to worry ever again about getting her emails answered and she didn’t even know that when the words came out her mouth. That may be the best part of all.

I am Bonnie Low-Kramen, TEDx speaker, author of Be the Ultimate Assistant and trainer of Executive Assistants all over the world. As part of my work to build ultimate business partnerships, I was published in Harvard Business Review and featured in a *Forbes online cover story. In the research for my second book about the workplace Staff Matters, People Focused Solutions for the Ultimate New Workplace, I have had over 1,500 conversations with assistants, leaders, HR professionals, recruiters, and business school professors in 13 countries and 38 states. I am excited to work with you towards building your ultimate workplace. Click here to set up a time to speak with me about your training needs which can be delivered virtually or in person*.

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By Bonnie Low-Kramen for Admin Professional Today | November, 2023

The Great Resignation of 2020 led to massive and chaotic hiring in 2021. As burnout, stress, and mental health issues increased to red alert levels due to poor onboarding and inadequate training, Quiet Quitting took hold in 2022.

What’s happening now? Quiet Hiring.

Quiet Hiring is about filling open positions with the staff who are already on the payroll rather than hiring from outside the company. Job descriptions have already been in disorganized transition starting in 2021 which was called “The Year of the Job Description.”

What leaders and HR recruiters have discovered is that many of their current staff possess not-so-obvious talents and skills that can be leveraged for current projects. Despite having to pay current staff additional compensation for the additional work, quietly hiring them still costs far less than having to hire externally.

The Executive Assistants working in companies are prime targets for quiet hiring. In addition to already having excellent organizational, communication, and scheduling skills, many administrative professionals also can flex the following skills.

1. Tech Support Support IT with varied technology skills, including AI and the ability to teach these skills to others
2. All Aboard! Support HR with interviewing and onboarding abilities
3. Leading Teams More support to HR with ability to lead teams and supervise others utilizing high EQ
4. Project Management Support to leadership with project management and event planning abilities

One vivid example of quiet hiring is the C-suite Executive Assistant who saw that the onboarding system at her company was inefficient for both remote employees and in-person staff. She offered a proposal for a revised onboarding plan to the HR team, including the fact that she would be the project leader with a revised salary to go along with the plan. Her plan was happily accepted by the overloaded HR team.

Another example is the EA to the CEO who received support to get her MS Office certifications during the pandemic when her workload was suddenly reduced. After she achieved her goal, she offered to lead 30-minute virtual lunch and learns to teach others the time-saving tips that she learned. The sessions were such a success that she ended up getting paid extra money for each one because the ROI was instantly evident. These lunch and learns injected the virtual staff with new energy and enthusiasm for learning.

The advantages of quiet hiring are:

1. Improved staff retention from making jobs more interesting for current staff
2. Higher engagement, energy, and productivity on the team, resulting in a positive ROI
3. Retain the current staff’s institutional knowledge as culture carriers
4. Improved staff morale from the leaders’ actions around the “promoting from within” culture
5. Improved mental health and employee satisfaction as the new responsibilities combat loneliness and isolation from staff needing to interact with new people
6. Easier talent acquisition from current staff encouraging others to apply for projects and positions

The post-pandemic workplace has resulted in HR taking a close and fresh look at the current staff, specifically the Executive Assistants, in order to quietly hire them. The EAs are encouraged to come forward to discuss skills that they would like to utilize. It is a win/win situation for companies, especially when compensation for the assistants is adjusted to recognize their new responsibilities.

Here’s the link to the original article from the Administrative Professional Today newsletter.

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By Bonnie Low-Kramen for Executive Support Magazine | January 2019

We are living in crazy times where mean-spirited words and deeds are common and shockingly normalized. Is that OK with you? It sure is not OK with me and I want us to take action before it gets any worse.

Administrative professionals have known forever that the way to get the best results is almost never with verbal weaponry but rather with a generous dose of courtesy, respect, and accountability. That idea is bumping into the modern reality of our plethora of devices and a frantic world with everyone rushing about running out of time and patience.

So what do we do? How do we swing the pendulum back towards civility and respect?

Accountability Holding people accountable is one answer. Truthfully yet with compassion. Calmly and directly say, “You may not realize it but I am offended by what you said/did and feel it was unnecessary and hurtful. I hope no one speaks to anyone you care about in that way.” And then be open to a conversation. It’s time to engage in difficult conversations.

Role Models Being good role models about the behaviors that work is also the answer. After all, you can’t be it if you can’t see it. Gandhi was right – “Be the change you wish to see in the world.”

Positive Reinforcement I am a fan of offering positive feedback when some exhibits a thoughtful behavior. Call it out. Like the young man or woman who cheerfully gives up their subway seat for a pregnant woman or someone who needs help. I find a way to say, “I saw what you did and that was really great. Thanks for being a role model for others.”

In our frantic 24/7 non-stop global workplace, here are a few more suggestions for a more civil workplace.

1. Good morning! It is a global trend for new leaders at a company to receive an orientation on how to utilize an assistant. In it are the following tips.
2. • Say, “Good morning First Name” and be sure to pronounce the name correctly.
   • Say “please” and “thank you” and “you’re welcome” often.

It matters to use peoples’ names. After all, there is nothing more personal to someone than their name and most people enjoy hearing it.

1. Hold the elevator for others – cheerfully. Wave someone into the lane on the highway. Clean up after yourself. Pick up litter. Be a good citizen.
2. Go out of your way to get to know the new people at the office and make them feel welcome as quickly as possible Everyone wants to feel like they belong. “Would you like to join us?” is one powerful question that is welcome and remembered.

True Confession I admit that I have a pet peeve which has to do with email. We all know email is a cold medium which is why it needs warming up. In my work as a speaker and trainer, I often receive requests for help, many from people I have never met. These requests can be for assistance to land a new job, negotiate a raise, or identify a contact. I enjoy responding to these emails – with one exception.

Emails that do not contain the words “please” and “thank you” irk me, especially but not limited to when the writer is asking for something. Having little time is no excuse. I have begun writing back with precisely that direct feedback which is met with varying responses. Usually the response is a sincere apology and sometimes it is a half-hearted apology, and other times the writer gets defensive. All of these responses speak volumes about the person asking for help.

Company Culture If we are serious about building cultures of civility and respect, then we must have zero-tolerance for incivility and disrespect. Everything becomes possible in a culture of respect. Those ideas can be clearly communicated on the Careers tab on company websites, verbiage on job descriptions, and during the interview process for new candidates. It is a trend that assistants are sitting in on interviews for both new assistants and leaders and that is a great way to set the culture expectations before someone is hired.

The Future is Right Now In our chaotic world filled with people questioning what is real and what is not, let us make choices every day which embrace kindness, empathy, and civility towards our fellow humans. As people, it’s impossible to forget when others are mean, rude, and even cruel. It is equally unforgettable when others offer a hand and kindness in the face of tough times.

Be unforgettable for the right reasons. Let’s insist on civility.

This article first appeared in Executive Support Magazine, a global training publication and must read for any administrative professional. You can get a 30% discount when you subscribe through us. Visit the website at www.executivesupportmagazine.com to find out more or to get your 30% discount email sdouglas@executivesupportmedia.com and tell them we sent you.

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By Bonnie Low-Kramen for Executive Support Magazine | November 2023

If the pandemic showed us anything, it is that time is our most precious commodity. The new hybrid and remote workplace has changed all the rules regarding time and work schedules of the staff. People have their No-Fly Zones.

No-Fly Zones are the non-negotiable time constraints that employees now have as part of their lives – deal-breakers of a sort. The pandemic created a work environment that was unprecedented.

How did this happen? Suddenly no longer forced to travel into an office, many staff had the chance to have dinner with their families for the first time in a long time. Children were able to have regular access to their parents. Staff experienced a flexibility and a freedom that many had never known. Improved quality of life has brought us to no-fly zones and there is no going back.

Existential Crisis Brewing?The workplace of 2023 is one where managers want staff back in the office and staff are struggling to comply while holding onto their flexible schedules. There is a growing conflict brewing in many companies. Staff are wanting to understand why they need to go back to the commute. Some are simply refusing to come back, which can be a crisis for leadership. Managers are being tested as never before.

What is emerging is a variety of work schedules that are being decided upon by managers and their teams in a collaborative way. One company is mandating staff coming into the office 11 days out of every month and it is up to the team to decide what that looks like.

Another company has instituted a Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday in-office schedule which was designed after polling the team. Even in these arrangements, compromise is needed.

What is clear is that there is a benefit to having staff work with one another in-person, at least part of the time. What is also turning out to be true is that the most successful teams are led by managers who are respecting their staffs’ no-fly zones.

No-Fly Zone Case Studies: Make or Break Decisions* Beth is a divorced mom and gets her kids every Wednesday night. She has a lengthy and trafficky commute so this means that Beth needs to leave work by 3:30PM every Wednesday. The team knows to not schedule meetings that require Beth at this time. * Mike needs to work at home every Monday because he takes a family member to chemo treatments. * CEO Jennifer was happily surprised that the most successful team event of the year was a barbecue that she hosted at her home. Staff were invited to bring their families and everyone truly enjoyed meeting one another. Everyone saw the value of being together in person and have asked to keep doing it.

Leaders who take the time to ask about each team member’s no-fly zone are seen as caring humans. Leaders who respond positively are the ones who have the most stable teams. In exchange for flexibility, staffers go above and beyond and ensure their work is getting done, even if it means hitting deadlines outside of regular work hours.

No-fly zones imposed by staff require managers who are committed to fair treatment among staff and hold the team accountable for following the rules that they helped design. And when life situations change, it is the leader who responds with compassion who have a line-up of candidates who want to work with him/her.

Set-Up For SuccessFor no-fly zones to be successful, leaders and staff need to be committed to getting the work completed on deadline and with excellent results, communicating clearly along the way.

Don’t be the bottleneck and the reason that a project is stalled since everyone’s work is often dependent on others. Every member on a team needs to care about avoiding burnout and maintaining a no-drama environment as they navigate their workload. If the tasks become overwhelming, it is imperative for managers to stay on top of the project timelines and who is doing what.

The biggest difference in the workplace of 2023 compared to 2019 is that hybrid work is here to stay. It is increasingly rare for staff to be required to go into the office 5 days. It has become normalized and supported to reveal family commitments and have them integrated into the workday.

The FutureSome managers are concerned about a them vs. us two-class society among the team – the people who go into the office and those who don’t. It will remain to be seen the impact of no-fly zones on productivity and team connections as we head into 2024.

I am Bonnie Low-Kramen, TEDx speaker, author of Staff Matters, People-Focused Solutions for the Ultimate New Workplace and Be the Ultimate Assistant and trainer of Executive Assistants all over the world. As part of my work to build ultimate business partnerships, I was published in Harvard Business Review and featured in a *Forbes online cover story.*

I have spoken in 13 countries and clients include Wharton, Starbucks, and the British Parliament. I am excited to work with you towards building your ultimate workplace. Click here to set up a time to speak with me about your training needs which can be delivered virtually or in person.

This article first appeared in Executive Support Magazine, a global training publication and must read for any administrative professional. You can get a 30% discount when you subscribe through us. Visit the website at www.executivesupport.com to find out more or to get your 30% discount email subscriptions@executivesupport.com and tell them we sent you.

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My career path to working as an assistant? Nothing about my career journey was planned. I was planning to be an actress and what I knew for sure was that I needed to work in show business.

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I am truly honored to be on this list of the top 100 HR influencers. After all, my work is all about influence. Here’s the full list of the top 100 of 2023.

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It’s critical that managers, especially in today’s ever-evolving workplace landscape, are mindful before pressing Send. So, here are five types of emails that managers should never send your staff.

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Three soft skills — the “three Vs of Leadership” — particularly matter in today’s environment, Bonnie Low-Kramen says. Here’s what they are, and how to master them.

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Staff Matters by Bonnie Low-Kramen is named by SHRM (Society for Human Resource Management) as a book that offers fresh perspectives, unconventional solutions, and big ideas to transform the workplace. […]

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In February 2020, I admit feeling pretty optimistic about the strides women were making in the global workplace. Women were rising through the ranks in companies, in governments and even in Major League sports. And then, well you know.

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What’s in a name? In today’s increasingly virtual and digital workplace, the ‘assistant’ job title is feeling out-dated and repellent to long suffering staffers.

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Psychological safety and feeling safe at work has received more attention post-pandemic. The social injustice that received a lot of attention in 2020 contributed. Yet, despite the listening tours and meditation apps, many employees still don’t feel safe at work. In an excerpt from her book Staff Matters: People-Focused Solutions for the Ultimate New Workplace, Bonnie Low-Kramen tells Quartz at Work why—and what to do about it.

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Your Staff Matter.  They are important.  Your staff are the sole reason you will succeed.

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Hello and welcome to this SPECIAL episode of the MACE PODCAST! Our stop today is United States, with the special guest Bonnie Low-Kramen! Global trainer and global Speaker, Bonnie’s passion is to affect positive change in the global workplace by paving the way towards healthy, respectful, and highly productive relationships.

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Welcome to this episode of our podcast, where we’ll be diving into the post-pandemic workplace and discussing how to overcome the challenges facing both staff and leaders.

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Empathy is the ability to understand what other people feel, see things from their point of view, and imagine yourself in their place. That understanding helps us to better decide how to respond to a situation.

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In January 1986, Bonnie Low-Kramen, who was 27 at the time and temping in Broadway box offices as she tried to carve out a career as an actor, was tipped off to a gig as the public-relations director for the Whole Theatre, a small theater in northern New Jersey.

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A former personal assistant to an Oscar-winning actress says the job comes with plenty of perks — but you have to set boundaries* Bonnie Low-Kramen was the personal assistant to the actor Olympia Dukakis for 25 years. * She helped the “Moonstruck” star get out of traffic, review contracts, and take care of her family. * The work came with a lot of perks — like attending awards shows — and burnout.

In January 1986, Bonnie Low-Kramen, who was 27 at the time and temping in Broadway box offices as she tried to carve out a career as an actor, was tipped off to a gig as the public-relations director for the Whole Theatre, a small theater in northern New Jersey.

The place was run by a respected stage veteran, and the job paid $18,000 a year, Low-Kramen told Insider — a reasonable amount at the time. Crucially, it gave her the chance to fulfill her dreams in a different way.

“I needed to be in show business, but I’d be totally fine behind the scenes,” she said.

Her boss was the 56-year-old actor Olympia Dukakis, who was just about to score a career-changing role. Upon the release of “Moonstruck” in 1987, for which she’d win an Oscar, Dukakis went from a beloved Broadway performer to a movie headliner for the first time — and Low-Kramen came along for the ride, working as her personal assistant for more than 25 years.

“My title was ‘personal assistant,’ but she just called me Bons. Everybody in her orbit knew that in order to get Olympia to do anything, you needed to go through me,” she said. “We worked well together — she was happy, and I was having a ball.”

Low-Kramen left that role in 2011 to create her own company, which specializes in training would-be celebrity personal assistants, as well as write books and give speeches on what VIP life was like IRL.

She shared with Insider how she made the leap into personal-assistant work, what it’s like to work for a celebrity day-to-day, and how she pivoted into entrepreneurship.

Good timing got her a role working alongside a starLow-Kramen said her role as a PR director morphed into a personal-assistant job by circumstance: Dukakis was heading to Canada for the “Moonstruck” shoot, she said, and asked Low-Kramen to come along to act as a point person for the New Jersey theater.

“I didn’t know there was a name for what I was doing, but I realized I was really good at it,” Low-Kramen said.

When questions came in, for example, she would note them down, then sit with Dukakis at a set time to secure answers.

Quickly, Low-Kramen realized that prioritizing was a vital movie-set skill.

“You had to start with the most important things because you’d inevitably hear a knock in the background, and the production assistant would say, ‘We need you on the set.'”

When Dukakis catapulted into Hollywood’s top tier and began landing parts in movies like “Working Girl” and “Steel Magnolias,” Low-Kramen was offered a more-permanent role as Dukakis’ assistant, and she immediately accepted.

An assistant splits their time between supporting a celebrity personally and professionallyLow-Kramen said working for a celebrity didn’t come with a job description but the work was typically split evenly between personal and professional support.

“You give them the freedom to do only what they can do — costume fittings, memorizing lines — and you do everything else.”

Low-Kramen supported Dukakis’ family, including her husband, the actor Louis Zorich (“She was a neat freak, and he loved his piles of stuff,” Low-Kramen said), and their three children, with everyday tasks. A request to write a term paper for one of the actor’s sons made her uneasy.

“I said I’d do it, but she needed to be sitting next to me, so we did it together,” she said.

She also was often tasked with booking restaurant reservations, a duty much more nuanced than it sounds. She had to consider whether her boss was planning a lunch to be seen — by paparazzi, perhaps, to help bolster her profile and clinch a role — or to have a discreet discussion, then request the appropriate table.

When the actor was away for months from home, it was up to the personal assistant to make a rented apartment or suite feel less sterile. Dukakis, Low-Kramen said, insisted on rooms with working windows, rather than piped-in AC.

One perk of working for a star is the clothes, she said: “One assistant I knew was the same shoe size as her celebrity, so she got all her hand-me-down designer shoes.”

Prescription and dry-cleaning pickups are a constant request, Low-Kramen said, and it can cause unexpected issues. One evening, just as Dukakis was about to go onstage before taking flight the next day to London for the premier of “Steel Magnolias,” Low-Kramen said she called in a panic, wondering where the dress she planned to wear for the red carpet was. Low-Kramen realized she hadn’t picked it up from the cleaners, but unflustered, she called the local police to contact the store owner, who happily reopened for the local Oscar winner.

Local cops also came to the rescue when Dukakis was due to appear at an event in Princeton, New Jersey, having flown into New York City from a film set. The schedule was typically tight, Low-Kramen said, but construction on the New Jersey Turnpike left Dukakis in the back of a limo with traffic at a standstill. The driver said a police escort would be the only way to get to the event on time. Thankfully, the local trooper was a “Moonstruck” fan and leaped into action.

“We call these save-the-day stories,” Low-Kramen said, adding that often the only request in response was a signed headshot.

While the name was always the same on those keepsakes, she said, the penmanship varied, as is typical.

“We did half and half of those because the requests came in so frequently,” she said. “To keep up, she signed as many as she possibly could, but I did a great forgery.”

Celebrity assistants need to set boundariesA celebrity personal assistant’s work extends beyond the client’s personal life, Low-Kramen said.

“One of our purposes is to just keep it real with them,” she said.

For example, Low-Kramen would often read scripts or film contracts and offer feedback. She was also Dukakis’ date to the People’s Choice Awards when the actor was nominated for “Steel Magnolias” and sat at her table with Jack Nicholson and Michael Keaton.

“People would come up to talk to her, but she was most comfortable speaking about things happening back in New Jersey,” she said. “She was never comfortable with the whole ‘movie star’ thing because it didn’t happen until she was in her 50s.”

Technology skills became increasingly vital as the years passed — today, Low-Kramen said, acting as on-call IT support is a major part of the personal-assistant role, especially when it comes to keeping data safe, including bank-account and passport information.

There were low times, too. Her role had no set hours, and because she was a solo assistant, taking vacation meant she had to work harder before and after a trip to make up for the time out.

“I remember one vacation where we arrived at our destination, and I had a fever that turned out to be double pneumonia,” she said. “That was a hard lesson — burnout is a big risk factor in this work.”

From her starting $18,000 salary, Low-Kramen would negotiate each year with Dukakis directly, since there’s no human-resources department for such roles. She said Dukakis, always canny about money and keen to earn more herself, understood such asks and was generous.

Today, Low-Kramen said, a starting salary for a celebrity personal assistant on call 24/7 can typically hit the low six figures. Beware, though, that a salary that’s unexpectedly high is a red flag that suggests the celebrity is unreasonable or inappropriate, or both. Low-Kramen has heard from clients about celebrities who greet their assistants at the door every morning stark naked or request their assistants be on call 18 hours a day, six days a week.

“Word goes round that you need combat pay for anyone to take that kind of job,” she said.

Using her network and experience to go off on her ownWhen Dukakis turned 80, Low-Kramen gave her four months’ notice, promising to help interview and train her replacement. At the time, she’d been increasingly involved in the organization she helped found in 1996, the New York Celebrity Assistants network, which brought others in her role together — its first president was Morgan Freeman’s personal assistant. Dukakis benefited from this network, too, Low-Kramen said.

“I’ll never forget she read a script one time and said, ‘You know, Kevin Bacon would be great to be in this with me — do you have a way of getting hold of him?’ and I had his assistant’s name right there,” Low-Kramen said.

Low-Kramen published a book about her life and career in 2004 and quickly gained attention from it, giving talks about her experience and teaching others (she hadn’t signed a nondisclosure agreement with Dukakis, she said). From that, she built her current business. She worked with the Wharton School earlier in the pandemic, for example, to help keep its admin team coordinated when working remotely for the first time and hosts regular public workshops for people aspiring to her career.

“The biggest challenge when I started years ago in this role was that there was no training,” she said. “There’s no way to succeed at the highest level without training — in 2022, assistants are like high-level athletes, and they need training.”

A three-day in-person event with Low-Kramen costs $2,800 a person. She doesn’t promise placement for her graduates but said that many had gone on to senior careers working in both the corporate world and Hollywood.

“It is a profession that might be fun and glamorous some of the time,” she said, “but it’s a lot of hard work, too, and requires really diligent training to get it right.”

Read the original article from Business Insider here.

I am Bonnie Low-Kramen, TEDx speaker, author of “Be the Ultimate Assistant” and trainer of Executive Assistants all over the world. As part of my work to build ultimate business partnerships, I was published in Harvard Business Review and featured in a Forbes online cover story. In the research for my second book about the workplace to be published in 2023, I have had over 1,500 conversations with assistants, leaders, HR professionals, recruiters, and business school professors in 14 countries and 38 states. I am excited to work with you towards building your ultimate workplace. Click here to set up a time to speak with me about your training needs which can be delivered virtually or in person.

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Really interesting conversation on the Leadership BITES Podcast hosted by Guy Bloom of the UK. The ways that leaders and HR are thinking about executive assistants in 2022 is changing. […]

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September 2022 for HR.com No one gets to wherever they are alone. No one. The remote workplace can feel mighty lonely these days, can’t it? While it is super convenient to work […]

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By Bonnie Low-Kramen for Executive Support Magazine | October 2022. Changing jobs is a life-altering decision with long-term ramifications, says Bonnie Low-Kramen It happened again. Here’s yet another story of […]

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Bonnie Low-Kramen – a TEDx speaker, founder and CEO of curated training solutions for corporate leaders and assistants, and former personal assistant to actor Olympia Dukakis – chats with Jeffrey […]

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Silence hurts people and the companies they populate. Therefore, quiet quitting is not a good thing and never has been. When I started reading about this new term “quiet quitting,” […]

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Flexible work schedules & Arrangements — Leaders are experimenting with hybrid work schedules, the 4-day workweek, totally remote workforce, and no meeting Fridays. Employers are aware that staffers are stressed and anxious […]

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One of the very real dangers of the new remote workplace is being invisible. Bonnie offers solid advice about how to avoid being “out of sight, out of mind.” Read […]

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“Is Executive Assistant the Right Career For You?” Bonnie takes on the perception vs. the reality of the EA role in the new workplace.  Read the article here.

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“Toxic femininity is a form of manipulation based on deeply rooted socialization. In the workplace, more than 50% of employees are women. Yet, in 2022, many women are challenged by […]

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During an interview that the candidate felt was going very well, she said to the executive, “So, I heard you are a yeller. If you offer me this job and […]

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The Art of Negotiating Salary. Podcaster Barion McQueen interviews workplace expert Bonnie Low-Kramen about negotiating salaries in an April, 2022 conversation for the Everyday Game Changers Podcast.  

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Recorded April, 2022. Claire Wasserman, author of Ladies Get Paid interviews Bonnie Low-Kramen in a lively conversation about the real reasons people quit their jobs. This was the topic […]

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What began as a weekly show during the dark days of the pandemic, is now drawing to a close. Wed April 6, 3PM ET is show No. 82 and […]

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March, 2022 for Executive Support Magazine Here’s my behind-the-scenes look at speaking at TEDxRutgersCamden. I didn’t expect to be giving a TEDx talk in 2022. It was not part of […]

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Heads Together REPLAY: Weighing in on the Will Smith/Chris Rock Oscar slap. Workplace bullying happens to famous people and more often, not-so famous. To help in the Ukraine, consider […]

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STAFF MATTERS COMMUNITY starting April 14th! Hear all the details and learn how to save 20% when you watch. (Shhh, it’s coupon code StaffMatters20) Related links: https://learn.bonnielowkramen.com/courses/staff-matters-community

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Highlight & Shine on LinkedIn with expert Lindsay Robinson on Heads Together, Wed Mar 16, 3-4PM ET. How lucky we are to learn from an EA with 24 years […]

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By Bonnie Low-Kramen for CEOWorldMagazine | March 2022 “I feel guilty asking my executive assistant to do things for me,” This was an unexpected and surprising statement coming from three seasoned […]

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It seems that no matter where in the world you live, the war in Ukraine touches us all. Somehow, someway. What is happening matters to all of us and we […]

The post Ep 78. Tribute to Ukraine on Heads Together with Bonnie Low-Kramen – 3/9/22 appeared first on Bonnie Low-Kramen.

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Join Bonnie and Jen Wednesday, March 2nd at 3PM ET for Heads Together. Our very own Jen Wilner shares her SME with the latest LinkedIn Tips and Tricks for 2022. Get your questions ready, Jen is looking forward to answering them!

Related links:

1. LinkedIn Training with Jen: https://www.secretarycentral.net/priv… https://calendly.com/jennifer-223/90min
2. LinkedIn images sizes: https://bit.ly/346P3Yy Canva: https://bit.ly/3sDmhsc
3. Understanding the ATS (Applicant Tracking System)- https://bit.ly/3MgqkSQ

The post Ep 77. Jennifer Wilner with LinkedIn Tips & Tricks Heads Together with Bonnie Low-Kramen – 3/2/22 appeared first on Bonnie Low-Kramen.

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Join Bonnie Low-Kramen and her Assistant Jen Wilner Wednesday, Feb 16th at 3PM ET for Heads Together. Are you interested in tackling the burning issues facing all of us in the workplace today? If so, you’ve come to the right place. Join the conversation! We’re streaming live on LinkedIn, YouTube, and Be the Ultimate Assistant Facebook page. See instructions below on how to join us on each platform.

Related links: The Anti-Workplace Bullying Toolkit https://www.bonnielowkramen.com/free-… TEDxRutgers Camden replay: Cue to 1:25:40. Running time 14 min. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-03JL…

The post Ep. 76 Future Proof Your Resume on Heads Together with Bonnie Low-Kramen – 2/16/22 appeared first on Bonnie Low-Kramen.

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Join Bonnie and Jen Wednesday, Feb 9th at 3PM ET for Heads Together. Are you interested in tackling the burning issues facing all of us in the workplace today? If so, you’ve come to the right place. Join the conversation! Streaming live on LinkedIn, YouTube, and Be the Ultimate Assistant Facebook page. See instructions below on how to join us on each platform. To join us on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/bonnielowkramen To join us on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/UltimateAssistant

The post EP 75. TEDx Recap, tips to avoid burnout and more on Heads Together with Bonnie Low-Kramen – 2/9/22 appeared first on Bonnie Low-Kramen.

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Olympia Dukakis & Bonnie Low-Kramen on set in Sydney

February 2022 for Executive Support Magazine

“Take me to the hospital.” This was said by me on day one of my long-awaited vacation in 2000. As a Personal Assistant, I ran a one-person office in New York City for Oscar winner Olympia Dukakis. On the surface, this may seem like a job dripping with glamour and red carpets and it actually was – 15% of the time. The remaining 85% was plain hard work and very long hours. The world of entertainment did not leave much space for time off.

In 2000, I was determined to plan a week-long family vacation for me. Radical idea, right? I was great at planning trips for Olympia but not so for myself. Other years, I just didn’t take a vacation – like so many assistants – because I was always looking for “a good time.” My lesson was that there is never a perfect time to take time off. I deeply regret not figuring this out much sooner.

For two weeks prior to leaving, I worked longer than usual hours preparing for my absence. We had a four-hour drive to Virginia. The truth is that I felt sick when I stepped into the car, but I willed myself to not give in to how weak I was. As each hour went by, I felt myself feeling worse and worse, hotter and hotter. By the time we arrived at our destination, I had no choice but to say to my husband, “Take me to the hospital.” He and my son did not question me. My own pale reflection in the mirror frightened me.

In the emergency room, they determined that I had a fever of 103.5 and pneumonia in both my lungs, aka double pneumonia. If you have never had pneumonia, it feels like no other illness. It is kind of like an anvil sitting on your chest. I will never forget what the doctor said to me. “You had better take it easier. A person does not catch pneumonia. You develop pneumonia from running on empty. And once you have it, your lungs are compromised forever.” Oh.

My vacation was spent inside our room at the hotel watching television while my family was out having fun without me. Guilty mom syndrome? You bet. I hope you cannot relate to this story, but I fear you can.

Are You Running On Empty? Tell the truth. Are you exhausted? Do you wake up in the morning and dread starting work? Do you desperately need a vacation? If you answered yes to any of these questions, you are not alone. Far from it.

The pandemic has added a whole new layer to the taking time off situation. Current data shows that the humans of our workplace are experiencing burnout and mental health challenges brought on by the prolonged stress, anxiety, uncertainty, and loneliness in record numbers. My conversations with the assistants of the world confirm these hard truths.

A June, 2021 survey found good news that 79% of employees intend to take their paid time off in the coming year. However, 61% report doing work at least once a day while on vacation and 56% said they had canceled, delayed, or cut short vacation plans because of work.

The bottom line is that we are mentally and physically tired and need a break. A real one.

Yes, you are working from home, most likely a few days each week. On one hand, working from home means a super short commute and being able to have dinner with your family. On the other hand, it means you never leave your “office.” You can work 24/7 if you want to and log in wearing your bathrobe.

When the world made the move to working from home, company leaders made sure to provide all the tools to do this well. These tools included a company computer, additional monitor, high-speed WiFi, comfortable chair, better lighting, etc. These amenities make it very easy to never stop working.

Are You Sleeping At Work? Me Too. What is also true is that you are sleeping at work and burning out.

We are paying a high price from non-stop work. The price we pay takes many forms, from eating too much, not eating enough, losing sleep, drinking too much, drugging too much, feeling depressed, angry, getting headaches, making mistakes – to name just a few.

What I see is that the need for backup has never been greater because the pandemic threw most of us far outside our comfort zone and ability to cope given all the new factors in our lives. Essentially, no one was prepared for this.

As the months have stretched into going on two years since the pandemic began, the physical and mental toll are deeply concerning. While it might seem easier to never stop working, it is not sustainable or responsible.

What I see is a work-life out of control. If we are going to be able to sustain our long-term sanity and health, then it is time to take control of our time. We need to define a workday that is free of blurry boundaries. It is vital to be able to shut our work down after the workday ends and to be able to hand our work off to a colleague when we take a vacation.

Easier said than done.

Pre-pandemic (2015 to be precise) I wrote this article on the importance of backup and suggested how assistants could get back up in place before going on vacation. Fast forward to 2021, and it is now more important than ever to have a backup plan.

Pre-pandemic, most assistants reported doing at least some work on vacation because they had little to no backup. Now many assistants report not taking vacation at all and/or working seven days a week because, well, they can, and the price they pay to leave (and then to return to a mountain of work) feels too high and they would prefer not to go at all because of it?

It is imperative that assistants take a strong, proactive stance about the necessity for backup. Leaders need to be presented with a realistic plan for preparation, execution, and seamless implementation.

Pushback to Back-up One assistant shared that her executive’s work is hyper-confidential and therefore, the leader does not want anyone else touching his work but his assistant. As a result, in the seven years they have worked together, she has never been able to take a true vacation free of work. That plan is not realistic or reasonable for the long term.

What if the assistant gets Covid or one of her family members gets sick? What if s/he actually wants to take a vacation in a place that does not have WiFi? What if her psychologist says that unless the assistant takes a serious break, there is a concern for her long-term health? What if the assistant has a family emergency that requires s/he not being available? Or what if the assistant wins the lottery tomorrow and quits? Would the office fall apart and come to a grinding halt, or be just fine…or somewhere in between?

The truth is that many executives are workaholics and choose to work on vacation, which of course is their choice. Given the salary difference between leaders and assistants, it is not reasonable to expect an assistant to work at that same intensity (although we know plenty who do).

Assistants admit that they enjoy being so needed by their executives – until they don’t.

The bottom line is that not having adequate backup systems in place leaves a company vulnerable to a dangerous single point of failure. The test of effective managers and a well-run office is that when a key staffer suddenly cannot be there, the office is able to run fine. Not perfectly, of course, but fine. No one person should be indispensable because life happens, doesn’t it? Especially now.

What is also true is that the other executives who take vacations are able to totally unplug because their assistant is backing them up. We need to insist on that being true for assistants.

One leader said to me, “Bonnie, if I am not told there is a problem, I think that there isn’t any.”

I am sounding the alarm with an urgent call to action because the stakes are very high. In a workplace that has never been so VUCA – volatile, uncertain, complex, and ambiguous – we must take a hard, fresh look at the physical and mental toll it is taking on ourselves and our staff.

We must all ask ourselves the questions: Who’s got my back? Who’s got me?

I am Bonnie Low-Kramen, TEDx speaker, author of “Be the Ultimate Assistant” and trainer of Executive Assistants all over the world. As part of my work to build ultimate business partnerships, I was featured in a Forbes online cover story. In the research for my second book about the workplace to be published in 2022, I have had over 1,500 conversations with assistants, leaders, HR professionals, recruiters, and business school professors in 14 countries and 38 states. I am excited to work with you towards building your ultimate workplace. Click here to set up a time to speak with me about your training needs which can be delivered virtually or in person.

This article first appeared in Executive Support Magazine, a global training publication and must-read for any administrative professional. You can get a 30% discount when you subscribe through us. Visit the website at www.executivesupportmagazine.com to find out more or to get your 30% discount email sdouglas@executivesupportmedia.com and tell them we sent you.

The post You’ve Got Their Back. Who’s Got Yours? By Bonnie Low-Kramen appeared first on Bonnie Low-Kramen.

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TEDx week is here! Listen in to find out about Bonnie’s TEDx talk on Feb 5th and lots more valuable resources for the Admin community.

Related links:

Caste: The Origins of Our Discontents https://amzn.to/34cZt98

9to 5 Documentary on Netflix

Clive Davis The Soundtrack of Our Lives Documentary on Netflix

The post Ep 74. Bonnie’s TEDx talk and other resources on Heads Together with Bonnie Low-Kramen – 2/2/22 appeared first on Bonnie Low-Kramen.

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Estate Manager Anthony Barlow walks the talk when it comes to facing his fears. Adventure is his middle name. Watch and be inspired by his stories of leadership, serving others, and claiming happiness. Leading others is about Connection Before Correction.

I am Bonnie Low-Kramen, TEDx speaker, author of “Be the Ultimate Assistant” and trainer of Executive Assistants all over the world. The idea for Heads Together came out of an instinct to bring together the global workplace community during a time of great isolation. This weekly livestreamed show gives my assistant Jennifer Wilner and I the opportunity to be agile in response to the hottest news of the day.

Surprise expert guest speakers come on to the show to talk about compensation, bullying, racism, leadership, favorite movies, and even what we’re all binge watching. Our audience is comprised of women and men from all over the world. Everyone’s voice matters on Heads Together.

As part of my work to build ultimate business partnerships, I was featured in a Forbes online cover story. In the research for my second book about the workplace to be published in 2022, I have had over 1,000 conversations with assistants, leaders, HR professionals, recruiters, and business school professors in 14 countries and 38 states. I am excited to work with you towards building your ultimate workplace. Click here to set up a time to speak with me about your training needs which can be delivered virtually or in person.

The post Ep 73. Estate Manager Anthony Barlow on Heads Together with Bonnie Low-Kramen – 1/26/22 appeared first on Bonnie Low-Kramen.

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Bonnie gives an update on her TEDx talk for Rutgers-Camden on February 5th.

Bonnie Low-Kramen invites you to put our Heads Together every Wed at 3PM ET! Are you interested in tackling the burning issues facing all of us in the workplace today? If so, you’ve come to the right place. Join the conversation Weds Jan 19th.

I am Bonnie Low-Kramen, TEDx speaker, author of “Be the Ultimate Assistant” and trainer of Executive Assistants all over the world. The idea for Heads Together came out of an instinct to bring together the global workplace community during a time of great isolation. This weekly livestreamed show gives my assistant Jennifer Wilner and I the opportunity to be agile in response to the hottest news of the day.

Surprise expert guest speakers come on to the show to talk about compensation, bullying, racism, leadership, favorite movies, and even what we’re all binge watching. Our audience is comprised of women and men from all over the world. Everyone’s voice matters on Heads Together.

As part of my work to build ultimate business partnerships, I was featured in a Forbes online cover story. In the research for my second book about the workplace to be published in 2022, I have had over 1,000 conversations with assistants, leaders, HR professionals, recruiters, and business school professors in 14 countries and 38 states. I am excited to work with you towards building your ultimate workplace. Click here to set up a time to speak with me about your training needs which can be delivered virtually or in person.

The post Ep. 72. Bonnie’s TEDxRutgersCamden Update & more on Heads Together with Bonnie Low-Kramen – 1/19/22 appeared first on Bonnie Low-Kramen.

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Skevi Constantinou had a dream and The PA Way was born. She is committed to the PA profession and PAs adore her right back. Listen and learn about Skevi’s amazing journey and how you can be involved. Related links: https://thepaway.co.uk/

I am Bonnie Low-Kramen, TEDx speaker, author of “Be the Ultimate Assistant” and trainer of Executive Assistants all over the world. The idea for Heads Together came out of an instinct to bring together the global workplace community during a time of great isolation. This weekly livestreamed show gives my assistant Jennifer Wilner and I the opportunity to be agile in response to the hottest news of the day.

Surprise expert guest speakers come on to the show to talk about compensation, bullying, racism, leadership, favorite movies, and even what we’re all binge watching. Our audience is comprised of women and men from all over the world. Everyone’s voice matters on Heads Together.

As part of my work to build ultimate business partnerships, I was featured in a Forbes online cover story. In the research for my second book about the workplace to be published in 2022, I have had over 1,000 conversations with assistants, leaders, HR professionals, recruiters, and business school professors in 14 countries and 38 states. I am excited to work with you towards building your ultimate workplace. Click here to set up a time to speak with me about your training needs which can be delivered virtually or in person.

The post Ep. 71 Skevi Constantinou on Heads Together with Bonnie Low-Kramen – 1/12/22 appeared first on Bonnie Low-Kramen.

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Join Bonnie and Jen WED Jan 5 at 3PM ET for Heads Together. Topic: “The Great Resignation – The Real Deal”. Let’s have a conversation about what’s behind all this quitting and what’s happening with job searches. I discuss this in my most recent blog The Real Reasons People Are Quitting by Bonnie Low-Kramen https://bit.ly/3Hw67VV

I am Bonnie Low-Kramen, TEDx speaker, author of “Be the Ultimate Assistant” and trainer of Executive Assistants all over the world. The idea for Heads Together came out of an instinct to bring together the global workplace community during a time of great isolation. This weekly livestreamed show gives my assistant Jennifer Wilner and I the opportunity to be agile in response to the hottest news of the day.

Surprise expert guest speakers come on to the show to talk about compensation, bullying, racism, leadership, favorite movies, and even what we’re all binge watching. Our audience is comprised of women and men from all over the world. Everyone’s voice matters on Heads Together.

As part of my work to build ultimate business partnerships, I was featured in a Forbes online cover story. In the research for my second book about the workplace to be published in 2022, I have had over 1,000 conversations with assistants, leaders, HR professionals, recruiters, and business school professors in 14 countries and 38 states. I am excited to work with you towards building your ultimate workplace. Click here to set up a time to speak with me about your training needs which can be delivered virtually or in person.

The post Ep. 70. “The Great Resignation” on Heads Together with Bonnie Low-Kramen – 1/5/22 appeared first on Bonnie Low-Kramen.

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Join Bonnie and Jen for Heads Together – A Send-Off to 2021 on Wed Dec 29! What tip or trick did you learn in 2021 that you can share with all of us? What do you need to learn in 2022? Do tell!

I am Bonnie Low-Kramen, TEDx speaker, author of “Be the Ultimate Assistant” and trainer of Executive Assistants all over the world. The idea for Heads Together came out of an instinct to bring together the global workplace community during a time of great isolation. This weekly livestreamed show gives my assistant Jennifer Wilner and I the opportunity to be agile in response to the hottest news of the day.

Surprise expert guest speakers come on to the show to talk about compensation, bullying, racism, leadership, favorite movies, and even what we’re all binge watching. Our audience is comprised of women and men from all over the world. Everyone’s voice matters on Heads Together.

As part of my work to build ultimate business partnerships, I was featured in a Forbes online cover story. In the research for my second book about the workplace to be published in 2022, I have had over 1,000 conversations with assistants, leaders, HR professionals, recruiters, and business school professors in 14 countries and 38 states. I am excited to work with you towards building your ultimate workplace. Click here to set up a time to speak with me about your training needs which can be delivered virtually or in person.

The post Ep 69. A Send Off to 2021 on Heads Together with Bonnie Low-Kramen – 12/29/21 appeared first on Bonnie Low-Kramen.

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No doubt you’ve read about “The Great Resignation” and Americans quitting their jobs in record numbers. The headlines report alarming labor shortages that we see in our own towns with stores that have shorter hours or that have closed entirely. In fact, the data shows that a whopping 50% of Americans are looking for new work this year. Since April, 2021, 11.5 million workers have quit their jobs which is the highest level since the year 2000. A new trend are “Quit-Toks,” videos on TikTok featuring vivid and often emotional stories of quitting jobs.

What’s going on? What is chasing all these people away?

The news stories focus on completely legitimate reasons for why this is happening, such as staff taking early retirement, fears about Covid and not wanting to return to the office, lack of childcare, and of course, the search for better jobs at higher compensation. These are reasons for quitting that would be reasonably offered in letters of resignation and at an exit interview. These reasons are easily accepted without question.

It’s just not that simple though. There are other reasons, more damning reasons, that people are quitting. Reasons that are more difficult to be written down in a letter or spoken aloud in an exit interview. They are even more disturbing to address once they are known.

The saying goes that people join companies, but they leave managers. Don’t they? For this reason, all this quitting deserves a closer look. After all, no one ever starts a job thinking that they are going to be forced to quit one day. And when that day comes, you never forget it. Do you?

Leaders are not hearing the real reasons about quitting because staff are afraid, and even terrified, of speaking truth to power, especially if the employees are worried about backlash and repercussions. After all, most employees need a good reference in order to get their next job. It takes great courage to be a truth-teller and make uncomfortable waves. As a result, employee figures out other plausible reasons for leaving that do not prompt further investigation. However, the staff silently wishes that their leaders could know the truth so that things could improve for future employees. Instead, they turn in their neat resignation letters, retrieve a reference letter, pack their belongings, and never look back.

Except for one thing. They leave behind little bits of their souls.

Further, I have determined that this great resignation – and certainly the desire to quit – began long before the pandemic, but the Covid health crisis simply accelerated the exodus because it was now easier to leave their manager.

If leaders are interested in turning this situation around, the questions become;

1. What if leaders knew what their staff really needed to stop them from quitting?
2. What motivates some staff to go above and beyond every day while others want to do the bare minimum to get by?
3. And what if we could radically transform the workplace to reflect the answers to these questions so that fewer staff quit?

Doing that would mean a major shift in the way business is being conducted. And even more to the heart of the matter would be a transformation in the way managers lead people.

My work is training executive assistants all over the world and lots of them have quit their jobs. They tell me the real reasons why. And sometimes those reasons are painful, traumatic, and difficult to say out loud.

In these reasons, I see universal truths and patterns for quitting that are as true in Newark, New Jersey as they are in Auckland, New Zealand. It is time for leaders to learn the real reasons that staff quits, what staff really wants, and the ways to stop, or at least slow down “The Great Resignation.” The sudden loss of large numbers of staff is destabilizing to companies and in the larger picture, to the entire global economy.

What’s Stopping Us?

On a purely pragmatic level, this problem defies logic. Consider the financial costs of quitting. It costs a company 6-9 months of an employee’s annual salary to replace them. For a staffer making $60,000, that comes out to $30-45,000. That is just for one person. It costs $1500 to replace an hourly worker.

If leaders are aware of the steep financial costs of hiring and replacing staff, why are they not doing more to stop this stampede to the exit? One reason is, that for many leaders, a 2021 Zenger Folkman poll reports that most leaders don’t receive their first training in managing people until age 46. That number has increased from age 42 in 2012. From where I sit, therein lies a big part of the of the problem. As leadership expert and pollster Jack Zenger points out, we are simply waiting too long to train our leaders.

So, it’s not that leaders are intentionally bad or mean to their staff. They simply have not learned how to manage them. Here are a few examples of what poor management looks like.

Stories of Quitting From Real Life (The following stories do not contain real names) Jenny quit her job because her manager bullied her by humiliating her in staff meetings by asking her if she had “forgotten her brain at home” and on several occasions, called her an idiot. In addition, the manager intentionally mispronounced her name because she thought it was funny.

Kevin quit his job because he had not had a performance review in over two years and each time he asked about it, he was told it wasn’t a priority. Also, others received a bonus at the end of the year and he did not. Kevin came to wonder whether this situation was prompted by the color of his skin, but he never was totally sure. Tired of being depressed, he searched for a new job. When he found it, he jumped at the chance.

Amy quit because the job description that she was given when she was hired bore little to no resemblance to the one she was actually doing. When she was hired, her manager said she would be on track for promotions and salary increases but in three years, she was overlooked numerous times. A recruiter contacted her on LinkedIn and Amy made her move.

Michael quit after one month because the onboarding and training in his department was non-existent and when he asked for help getting acclimated, he felt like he was a bother to the other overwhelmed members of the team. Frustrated by the disorganization, his friend got him a job at his company.

Julie quit because her micromanager did not support her to pay for a workshop to learn the new Office 365 and Teams software that the company had just installed and expected everyone to use. In addition, the manager said that even if Julie paid for the training herself, she would need to take the time as vacation days or unpaid time off, even though the same rules did not apply to management.

Megan quit because her manager constantly flirted with her, commented on her clothing, and on Zoom calls, he told her she should “smile more,” wear her hair “up like you used to,” and “try to lose some of that pandemic weight.” When she told HR, they said that they would look into it. Nothing changed, so she left. She found a better job and goes to therapy each week to process what happened.

And years ago, I almost quit in the first year of my job at the Whole Theatre in Montclair, New Jersey because my new manager announced that I no longer could speak directly to the Artistic Director and that I needed to communicate only through him. This felt like he was tying one hand behind my back and a power play. As a twenty nine year old woman, I felt angry and powerless. I felt my only choice was to find a new job somewhere else. Before I made my move, the Artistic Director ended up firing this manager and she asked me to stay. I did – for 25 years. That Artistic Director was Oscar winner Olympia Dukakis. I often think about how my life would have turned out very differently had I quit.

In all of these true examples, quitting felt easier than confronting the situation. Most people have never had any training for what to do when you are being bullied, sexually harassed, or poorly managed and so the easiest remedy is to leave. That’s real life and these are the real reasons people quit. If people are resisting going back into offices, these are some of the real reasons why.

What Motivates Staff If leaders want to stop the resignations and truly motivate staff to be loyal and hardworking, they need to know what staff really wants. They are, in this order;

1. Respect for their unique talents and skills
2. Appreciation & Belonging as a valued member of the team
3. Money, as in fair compensation
4. Professional Development, opportunities for growth

Money is not first in the list. Definitely not. It’s easy to tell. I will ask my students, “If I could wave a magic wand and as of tomorrow morning, you were making $10,000 more dollars a year, would that make the problems go away?” If they answer no, then the issue is clearly something else and that something is usually a feeling of being disrespected in some way.

What leaders need to know is that respect is the not-so-secret and the most powerful ingredient in our workplace. That was true pre-pandemic and it is true now. The ROI – return on investment – of giving staff what they really want, is immediate and positive in every way, including the bottom line. Plus, many of these strategies do not cost one penny.

The universal truth is that when staff feel respected and that they are a valued contributor who belongs, everything becomes possible. The converse is true. When staff feel disrespected and that they are just a nameless warm body filling headcount, that is the recipe for failure and a roadmap to the exit.

1. How do managers show respect for their staff? They take the time to learn who the person is and understand their strengths and aspirations through frequent conversations, user manuals, personality assessments, and surveys. They treat their teams as individuals and care about them as people, such as the hardworking single mom who has a need for scheduling flexibility on Wednesdays. Respect means saying please and thank you, good morning, Happy Birthday, and showing up at your father’s funeral. Respectful managers make it safe to speak the truth without backlash and don’t shy away from difficult conversations. Respectful managers don’t have all the answers, but the staff can trust that they will be dealt with honestly and fairly.

The best managers show respect by owning their mistakes and embracing transparency and accountability. They ask for feedback and act on that feedback, including information about racism and discrimination. They do not tolerate bullies or sexual harassers and do not behave this way either. They are willing to take action, even when it is uncomfortable and not profitable, at least in the short term, to do so. This is what respect looks like.

1. The second most important thing staff wants is to feel valued, appreciated, and that they belong. Managers do this by making it their business to know the unique talents and skills of the team as individual contributors. It becomes a top priority for staff to be acknowledged and celebrated for their SMEs – Subject Matter Expertise. The greatest gift you can give anyone is the freedom to be exactly who they are. After all, every team member was hired for at least one reason, and they feel valued if those areas of expertise are leveraged and rewarded. That’s a win/win for everyone.
2. The third most important thing that staff wants is to be fairly compensated in salary and other benefits. Money is one of those topics that is still taboo and shrouded in secrecy in many organizations, so the best managers believe in pay transparency and pay equity. Trust me, the staff knows what co-workers make, and they know when it is unfair. The smartest managers are determined to address the wage gap openly and not pretend it does not exist. These managers make sure they know what their staff earns so they can confidently stand up in support of increases, promotions, and bonuses.

In the current “war for talent,” we see a trend towards signing bonuses and increased salaries as a way to attract staff. We even hear about people being paid extra-high salaries as a form of “combat pay” to work with particularly challenging managers. These tactics are only temporarily fixes. Respect and belonging must be a part of the relationship equation if people are going to choose to stay.

1. And the fourth most important thing that staff wants is to have a runway for growth and opportunities to keep learning. This means not having to fight for or apologize for training dollars. Good managers know that nothing feeds a person’s soul more than the support to keep learning. A manager who enthusiastically invests in their staff’s education is a manager who achieves high team retention.

Next Steps – Words that matter As college students prepare to lead companies and manage people, they will be set up for success by knowing the top four needs of their teams. They will benefit from seeing themselves as a business partner, a collaborator, and not a “boss.” The word “boss” is derived from the Dutch word “baas” which translates to “Master” as in “master and slave.” The term “boss” has run its course and new words need to replace it. The time is right now for leaders to work with their staff to build cultures of respect and belonging. It’s time to insist on an environment where the staff, who has been painstakingly hired in the first place, feel safe to have a voice and know that their leaders understand what they really want and need to be successful and happy in their jobs, happy enough to stay.

An Uncertain Future – It’s Up to Us None of us knows what tomorrow will bring – what new variant or new technology or new crisis that may be around the corner. However, what we do know is that as long as the world’s workers are comprised of human beings, that what they all want is to do work that matters with people who respect and value them, pay them fairly, and support their career growth. That is what matters most.

To focus on what staff really wants and understand the real reasons they quit would radically reset, stabilize, and transform our workplace. People will join companies and feel committed, staying longer with managers who are committed to them. It will, without question, turn the tide of mass resignations, not to mention positively impact the mental health crisis and save millions of dollars in restaffing. It’s up to us.

I am Bonnie Low-Kramen, TEDx speaker, author of “Be the Ultimate Assistant” and trainer of Executive Assistants all over the world. In May, 2019, I was featured in a Forbes online cover story. As part of the research for my second book about the workplace to be published in 2022, I have had over 1,000 conversations with assistants, leaders, HR professionals, recruiters, and business school professors. I have worked in 14 countries and 38 states and would love to work with you towards building your ultimate workplace. Click here to set up a time to speak with me about your training needs which can be delivered virtually or in person.

The post The Real Reasons People Are Quitting by Bonnie Low-Kramen appeared first on Bonnie Low-Kramen.

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We talked about things we learned in 2021 and some great tips to stay sane in 2022. Take a listen and please share with others. Join Bonnie and Jen for Heads Together – The Holiday Show on Wed Dec 22, 3PM ET! Let’s put our heads together to share ideas for enjoying the holiday season! What’s cooking for you? Join us!

I am Bonnie Low-Kramen, TEDx speaker, author of “Be the Ultimate Assistant” and trainer of Executive Assistants all over the world. The idea for Heads Together came out of an instinct to bring together the global workplace community during a time of great isolation. This weekly livestreamed show gives my assistant Jennifer Wilner and I the opportunity to be agile in response to the hottest news of the day.

Surprise expert guest speakers come on to the show to talk about compensation, bullying, racism, leadership, favorite movies, and even what we’re all binge watching. Our audience is comprised of women and men from all over the world. Everyone’s voice matters on Heads Together.

As part of my work to build ultimate business partnerships, I was featured in a Forbes online cover story. In the research for my second book about the workplace to be published in 2022, I have had over 1,000 conversations with assistants, leaders, HR professionals, recruiters, and business school professors in 14 countries and 38 states. I am excited to work with you towards building your ultimate workplace. Click here to set up a time to speak with me about your training needs which can be delivered virtually or in person.

The post Ep 68. The Holiday Show on Heads Together with Bonnie Low-Kramen – 12/22/21 appeared first on Bonnie Low-Kramen.