The Skillful Podcast: Recent Episodes
Bay Area DBT & Couples Counseling Center
The Skillful Podcast explores skills and concepts from Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) and Radically-Open Dialectical Behavior Therapy (RO-DBT) to help listeners reduce emotional suffering, improve their relationships and create the life they want.
Are you a therapist who wants the experience of being in a DBT skills group yourself? Are you curious about how the skills can help YOU?
Marielle and Ed are starting a new skills group designed specifically for therapists to learn the skills together in a supportive online environment. We are excited to offer this group.
For more information and to sign up visit www.dbtskillsgroupfortherapists.com
Resources * DBT Skills Handouts and Worksheets
Ask us a Question We’d love to hear from you! Where are you getting stuck with your skills application? Ask us a question for the chance to have it answered on the podcast. Submit your question here.
Please note that questions, and this podcast in general, are not a substitute for individual mental health treatment.
What DBT skill do you use when your emotion fits the facts? One option is to work on changing the facts. The skill of Problem Solving offers a structured framework to help you change situations that cause painful emotions.
Problem Solving begins, like many of the Emotion Regulation skills in DBT, by naming your emotion. Next, identify your goal in solving the problem and come up with a solution to meet your goal. Break the solution down into small steps. Finally, take action.
Check in with your Wise Mind when using this skill, because Emotion Mind may distort facts or obscure solutions. Practicing this skill can feel like a lot! This episode walks you through each part of this multi-layered skill.
For full show notes, visit our website: https://bayareadbtcc.com/podcast
DBT Skills Discussed * The “What” Skills of Mindfulness * Check the Facts * Opposite Action
Resources * DBT Skills Handouts and Worksheets
Ask us a Question We’d love to hear from you! Where are you getting stuck with your skills application? Ask us a question for the chance to have it answered on the podcast. Submit your question here.
Please note that questions, and this podcast in general, are not a substitute for individual mental health treatment.
Today’s episode discusses the DBT skill of Willingness.
Willingness is one of the reality acceptance skills that we teach in Distress Tolerance. This skill can help you let go of fighting what is so you can do what’s needed in each situation - without dragging your feet or holding onto a grudge.
One way to understand Willingness is to think of its opposite: Willfulness. When Willfulness is present, you’re fighting reality, trying to control things, or being passive when action is needed. Your Willfulness might show up differently depending on the situation.
For full show notes, visit our website: https://bayareadbtcc.com/podcast
DBT Skills Discussed Distress Tolerance Part 2
Radical Acceptance
Turning the Mind
Half-smile
Willing Hands
Ask us a Question We’d love to hear from you! Where are you getting stuck with your skills application? Ask us a question for the chance to have it answered on the podcast. Submit your question here.
Please note that questions, and this podcast in general, are not a substitute for individual mental health treatment.
Once you have grasp of the DEAR MAN skill, you might find yourself getting stuck when you try to use it in difficult interactions. Maybe the other person pushes back, tries to change the subject, or refuses to engage fairly.
While we can’t force anyone to do anything, we can continue to use our skills to stay as effective as possible during heated moments.
For full show notes, visit our website: https://bayareadbtcc.com/podcast
DBT Skills Discussed * DEAR MAN * Introduction to Distress Tolerance & the STOP skill * The “What” Skills of Mindfulness * The “How” Skills of Mindfulness
Ask us a Question We’d love to hear from you! Where are you getting stuck with your skills application? Ask us a question for the chance to have it answered on the podcast. Submit your question here.
Please note that questions, and this podcast in general, are not a substitute for individual mental health treatment.
Once you have a grasp of the change-oriented skills in DBT (such as Check the Facts, Opposite Action, and Problem Solving) it can be hard to figure out which one to use.
This episode walks you through deciding if and when to act on an unwanted emotion.
For full show notes, visit our website: https://bayareadbtcc.com/podcast DBT Skills Discussed Check the Facts
Mindfulness of Current Emotions
Problem Solving
Opposite Action
Emotions Explained: Shame
Ask us a Question We’d love to hear from you! Where are you getting stuck with your skills application? Ask us a question for the chance to have it answered on the podcast. Submit your question here.
Please note that questions, and this podcast in general, are not a substitute for individual mental health treatment.
Shame is one of the most painful emotions we can experience.
This episode explores what shame is, when the emotion is useful (and when it’s not), and skills to help you cope when shame threatens to overwhelm you.
Shame is a social emotion that motivates us to repair transgressions that might result in us being excluded from a group we want (or need) to belong to. Many of us, though, experience a lot of unjustified shame, where we assume we will be rejected if parts of ourselves are revealed.
DBT Skills Discussed
Check the Facts
For full show notes, visit our website: https://bayareadbtcc.com/podcast Ask us a Question We’d love to hear from you! Where are you getting stuck with your skills application? Ask us a question for the chance to have it answered on the podcast. Submit your question here.
Please note that questions, and this podcast in general, are not a substitute for individual mental health treatment.
Today’s episode focuses on the emotion of fear. At its most fundamental, fear keeps us safe. It guides us to fight, flee, or freeze in the face of danger.
Often, though, fear can be chronic, manifesting as anxiety, worry, or tension even when we are safe. This episode helps you identify fear in all its manifestations and provides tools to help you cope with it.
DBT Skills Discussed * Build Mastery and Cope Ahead * Check the Facts
For full show notes, visit our website: https://bayareadbtcc.com/podcast Ask us a Question We’d love to hear from you! Where are you getting stuck with your skills application? Ask us a question for the chance to have it answered on the podcast. Submit your question here.
Please note that questions, and this podcast in general, are not a substitute for individual mental health treatment.
In this episode, Marielle and Ed discuss the emotion of anger. In its most useful form, anger moves us to protect and defend ourselves and those we care about.
Many people, though, find anger frightening because they have witnessed destructive expressions of anger such as emotional or physical violence. This episode unpacks the emotion of anger so you can understand it in yourself and potentially in others.
Sometimes anger fits the facts, and sometimes faulty interpretations can intensify anger, making us believe that we are being treated unfairly or that things should be different than they are. Skills such as Observing and Describing Emotions, Paced Breathing, Check the Facts and Opposite Action can be particularly helpful in responding to anger effectively.
For full show notes, visit our website: https://bayareadbtcc.com/podcast
DBT Skills Discussed Observing and Describing Emotions
Check the Facts
Opposite Action
Paced Breathing
When we find ourselves getting caught in extremes, the DBT skill called Walking the Middle Path helps us re-calibrate.
Use this skill when you notice you are caught in binary thinking to find a way to move towards center. This episode explores common opposites:
Reasonable Mind vs. Emotion Mind
Doing Mind vs. Being Mind
Intense Desire of the Moment vs. Radical Acceptance of the Moment
Self-denial vs. Self-indulgence
DBT Skills Discussed
Wise Mind
Radical Acceptance
Check the Facts
Ask us a Question We’d love to hear from you! Where are you getting stuck with your skills application? Ask us a question for the chance to have it answered on the podcast. Submit your question here.
Please note that questions, and this podcast in general, are not a substitute for individual mental health treatment.
This episode is an overview of the core Interpersonal Effectiveness skills in DBT, focusing on clarifying objectives, DEAR MAN, GIVE, and FAST.
There are a lot of acronyms in the Interpersonal Effectiveness module! Memorizing what each letter of the acronym stands for, especially DEAR MAN, can help you access the skill when you most need it. The best way to memorize the DEAR MAN script is to write it out again and again until you’ve mastered it.
For full show notes, visit our website: https://bayareadbtcc.com/podcast
DBT Skills Discussed DEAR MAN GIVE
FAST
Validation
Ask us a Question We’d love to hear from you! Where are you getting stuck with your skills application? Ask us a question for the chance to have it answered on the podcast. Submit your question here.
Please note that questions, and this podcast in general, are not a substitute for individual mental health treatment.
In Part 2 of How to Assert Yourself, Marielle and Ed discuss common interpersonal pitfalls in speaking up for yourself in relationships.
Do you swallow your needs and then find they all come out in a rush of words and anger?
Vacillating between staying silent and then blowing up is common and hurts both your relationships and your self-respect. This episode offers lots of ideas to help you avoid these extremes.
It can be hardest to speak up in our closest relationships because that is where the stakes are the highest. Despite what our fears may say, speaking up actually can strengthen relationships if done skillfully.
For full show notes, visit our website: https://bayareadbtcc.com/podcast
DBT Skills Discussed DEAR MAN GIVE FAST Ask us a Question We’d love to hear from you! Where are you getting stuck with your skills application? Ask us a question for the chance to have it answered on the podcast. Submit your question here.
Please note that questions, and this podcast in general, are not a substitute for individual mental health treatment.
Do you find it hard to speak up for yourself in relationships? If so, this 2-part series on how to assert yourself may help you understand why it can feel so hard to ask for things or say no in different types of relationships.
In order to be able to assert yourself, you first need to know what you want and don’t want. Sometimes this is harder that it seems. If you’ve spent a lifetime minimizing or denying your needs, it may be hard to get in touch with what matters to you most.
Once you’ve identified your needs, you have to trust that your needs matter as much as everyone else’s.
For full show notes, visit our website: https://bayareadbtcc.com/podcast
DBT Skills Discussed Myths about Interpersonal Effectiveness
Check the Facts
Opposite Action
Build Mastery
DEAR MAN
Ask us a Question We’d love to hear from you! Where are you getting stuck with your skills application? Ask us a question for the chance to have it answered on the podcast. Submit your question here.
Please note that questions, and this podcast in general, are not a substitute for individual mental health treatment.
In this episode, Marielle and Ed answer a listener's question about fears of abandonment when conflict arises in relationships. These fears go straight to the heart of old wounds for many people.
Often, worry that conflict will destroy a relationship is rooted in our earliest relationships with our caregivers. If that early care was inconsistent, absent, or punishing in some way, it will be hard to feel secure when conflict inevitably arises in adult relationships. With skill use and a lot of compassion, you can learn to walk yourself through this common fear.
For full show notes, visit our website: https://bayareadbtcc.com/podcast/
DBT Skills Discussed Wise Mind
Distress Tolerance Skills
STOP
Self-Soothing
Radical Acceptance
Check the Facts
Opposite Action
DEAR MAN
GIVE
Ask us a Question We’d love to hear from you! Where are you getting stuck with your skills application? Ask us a question for the chance to have it answered on the podcast. Submit your question here.
Please note that questions, and this podcast in general, are not a substitute for individual mental health treatment.
This episode is the 2nd part of an overview of the Emotion Regulation skills in DBT, focusing on skills that can help you be in Emotion Mind less often. You can find part 1 here.
The skills discussed in this episode may not have an immediate impact on how you’re feeling, but regular application of these skills over time builds emotional resilience and flexibility.
DBT Skills Discussed Accumulating Positive Emotions in the Short-Term
Accumulating Positive Emotions in the Long-Term
Build Mastery
Cope Ahead
PLEASE
Ask us a Question We’d love to hear from you! Where are you getting stuck with your skills application? Ask us a question for the chance to have it answered on the podcast. Submit your question here.
Please note that questions, and this podcast in general, are not a substitute for individual mental health treatment.
The Emotion Regulation skills in DBT offer lots of ways to help you identify and respond to emotions. Some of the Emotion Regulation skills focus on change, while others focus on acceptance. This toggling back and forth between acceptance and change is the primary dialectic we are continually balancing in DBT.
This episode provides an overview of the Emotion Regulation skills as a whole, and takes a deep dive into change-oriented strategies such as Check the Facts, Opposite Action, and Problem Solving.
For full show notes, visit our website.
Ask us a Question We’d love to hear from you! Where are you getting stuck with your skills application? Ask us a question for the chance to have it answered on the podcast. Submit your question here.
Please note that questions, and this podcast in general, are not a substitute for individual mental health treatment.
This episode explores how to apply mindfulness skills to help you manage distressing thoughts using the DBT skill called Mindfulness of Current Thoughts. Thoughts can cause a lot of suffering. Often, thoughts about events are based on assumptions, judgments, or interpretations rather than on facts.
The core of this skill is to notice thoughts as just thoughts, or sensations of the brain, rather than as fact or truth. This can help lower emotional distress and reactivity. Mindfulness of Current Thoughts helps you change your relationship with your thoughts rather than changing the thoughts themselves.
For more information, including the full show notes, visit our website: https://bayareadbtcc.com/podcast/
Ask us a Question We’d love to hear from you! Where are you getting stuck with your skills application? Ask us a question for the chance to have it answered on the podcast. Submit your question here.
Please note that questions, and this podcast in general, are not a substitute for individual mental health treatment.
Today, Marielle interviews Elle Michel, LMFT, a therapist in Los Angeles who specializes in treating complex trauma. Elle uses a combination of modalities to treat trauma, including DBT, Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR), and Brainspotting.
This episode focuses on describing what happens in the nervous system after a traumatic event, and how to use DBT skills to cope with an activated brain and body.
For more information, including the full show notes, visit our website: https://bayareadbtcc.com/podcast/
Ask us a Question We’d love to hear from you! Where are you getting stuck with your skills application? Ask us a question for the chance to have it answered on the podcast. Submit your question here.
Please note that questions, and this podcast in general, are not a substitute for individual mental health treatment.
Today, we take a deep dive into working with judgments.
Judgments about ourselves and others can increase emotional suffering and negatively impact relationships. Judgments are often assumptions, interpretations, or myths that we add to the facts. We then tend to mistake our judgments for facts.
This episode explores how to notice all of the subtle and often habitual ways judgments show up, as well as how to shift into a nonjudgmental stance.
For more information, including the full show notes, visit our website: https://bayareadbtcc.com/podcast/
Ask us a Question We’d love to hear from you! Where are you getting stuck with your skills application? Ask us a question for the chance to have it answered on the podcast. Submit your question here.
Please note that questions, and this podcast in general, are not a substitute for individual mental health treatment.
The Distress Tolerance skills in DBT offer creative ways to get through challenging situations without making things worse.
In Part 2 of this overview of Distress Tolerance skills, we focus on acceptance skills. Both acceptance and change skills can help lower emotional distress so you can access your most wise, grounded self. Radical Acceptance, as well as skills that support Radical Acceptance, are covered in this episode.
For more information, including the full show notes, visit our website: https://bayareadbtcc.com/podcast/
Ask us a Question We’d love to hear from you! Where are you getting stuck with your skills application? Ask us a question for the chance to have it answered on the podcast. Submit your question here.
Please note that questions, and this podcast in general, are not a substitute for individual mental health treatment.
The Distress Tolerance skills in DBT offer creative ways to get through challenging situations without making things worse. Today’s episode is Part 1 of an overview of Distress Tolerance as a whole, with a special focus on change-oriented skills.
When emotional distress is high, there can be an intense desire to do something to make the distress stop. Very often, when we numb or distance ourselves from distressing emotions, we create new problems. The DBT skills discussed in today’s episode help you respond to hard emotions in ways that you won’t regret. These skills are also helpful when you need to get things done but you’re too overwhelmed to get started or think clearly.
For more information, including the full show notes, visit our website: https://bayareadbtcc.com/podcast/ Ask us a Question We’d love to hear from you! Where are you getting stuck with your skills application? Ask us a question for the chance to have it answered on the podcast. Submit your question here.
Please note that questions, and this podcast in general, are not a substitute for individual mental health treatment.
Do you find asking for things or saying no hard? If so, this episode is for you.
Marielle and Ed provide a framework for thinking about how strongly to make requests and how strongly to say no. For some people, making requests confidently is challenging and for others, it’s saying no that is hard.
Sometimes it depends on the type of relationship. Perhaps you’re comfortable saying no with friends but not with family, or you can easily make requests at work but not of your significant other.
Whatever your exact challenges with saying no or asking for things are, this episode will help you weigh different factors so you can communicate your wants and needs with confidence.
For more information, including the full show notes, visit our website: https://bayareadbtcc.com/podcast/
Ask us a Question We’d love to hear from you! Where are you getting stuck with your skills application? Ask us a question for the chance to have it answered on the podcast. Submit your question here.
Please note that questions, and this podcast in general, are not a substitute for individual mental health treatment.
Today’s episode is a response to a listener question about procrastinating making progress towards life goals. Marielle and Ed explore the emotions that underlie urges to put off doing what needs to get done. For some people, procrastination is a habitual response, no matter what the task. For other people, procrastination is a response to specific unpleasant tasks. Either way, procrastination often leads to feelings of shame and low self-worth.
Procrastination also can create secondary problems, meaning that not taking care of a task or problem often leads to new problems. Marielle and Ed discuss skills to help you change this common and challenging cycle.
DBT Skills Discussed Opposite Action
Check the Facts
Mindfulness of Current Thoughts
Self-soothing
Build Mastery
Radical Acceptance
For full show notes, visit our website.
Ask us a Question We’d love to hear from you! Where are you getting stuck with your skills application? Ask us a question for the chance to have it answered on the podcast. Submit your question here.
Please note that questions, and this podcast in general, are not a substitute for individual mental health treatment.
Today, Marielle interviews Greg Bodin, MFT, a therapist in the San Francisco Bay Area who practices Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, or ACT. Greg specializes in anxiety, trauma, men’s sex issues, and is also a certified EMDR therapist.
ACT and DBT have a lot in common. One of the core tenets of ACT is learning to accept where your life is right now and committing to making changes so that your life reflects what matters to you. It’s both a therapy approach and a way of understanding how humans behave, how they get stuck, and how to get unstuck.
For more, including full show notes, visit our website.
Ask us a Question We’d love to hear from you! Where are you getting stuck with your skills application? Ask us a question for the chance to have it answered on the podcast. Submit your question here.
Please note that questions, and this podcast in general, are not a substitute for individual mental health treatment.
Today, Marielle and Ed discuss the D in DBT: Dialectics. Dialectics helps us remember that two seemingly opposing forces can both be true, change is the only constant, and that we are all connected.
When emotions are heightened, either/or thinking can get us stuck and limit our ability to think and creatively problem solve. Dialectics encourages us to move away from either/or thinking and towards both/and thinking. For example, you can love someone and be very upset with them. You can want to work hard and also want to take breaks. You can be serious and silly.
Dialectics also reminds us that change is happening all the time and that we can learn to work with change in ourselves and others rather than fighting against it.
For full show notes, visit our website.
DBT Skills Discussed Nonjudgmentalness
Radical Acceptance
Opposite Action
Ask us a Question We’d love to hear from you! Where are you getting stuck with your skills application? Ask us a question for the chance to have it answered on the podcast. Submit your question here.
Please note that questions, and this podcast in general, are not a substitute for individual mental health treatment.
This episode is in response to a listener question about combining DBT skill use for difficult situations. We thought it was a great question to tackle in an episode.
As your knowledge of DBT skills increases, you will likely find that using several different skills is often the most effective way to respond to challenging life situations. Another way of thinking about this is layering skills - using skills to reduce distress first and then using skills to solve problems or change situations. Marielle and Ed discuss the following scenarios where layered skill use can be helpful:
You’re in an intense conflict with someone important to you.
You’ve experienced loss and sadness is overtaking you.
You have a strong desire to avoid doing something that needs to get done.
DBT Skills Discussed STOP
TIP
Distraction
Radical Acceptance
Check the Facts
Opposite Action
For more information including full show notes, visit our website: https://bayareadbtcc.com/podcast/
Ask us a Question We’d love to hear from you! Where are you getting stuck with your skills application? Ask us a question for the chance to have it answered on the podcast. Submit your question here.
Please note that questions, and this podcast in general, are not a substitute for individual mental health treatment.
In this episode of The Skillful Podcast, we answer two listener questions. The first question is from a listener who wants advice about balancing conflicting values to build a life worth living. The second question is about how to maintain your DBT skills practice once treatment has ended. Marielle and Ed discuss the issues these questions bring up and offer creative ways to think about the dilemmas presented.
DBT Skills Discussed * Accumulating Positive Emotions in the Long-Term * Cope Ahead
For more information including full show notes, visit our website: https://bayareadbtcc.com/podcast/
Ask us a Question We’d love to hear from you! Where are you getting stuck with your skills application? Ask us a question for the chance to have it answered on the podcast. Submit your question here.
Please note that questions, and this podcast in general, are not a substitute for individual mental health treatment.
As we pass the year mark of pandemic life, many of us are exhausted and eager to get back to how things used to be. While there are positive developments with vaccination rates rising and case counts lowering in some parts of the world, the finish line is still far away. We need emotional stamina to stay the course and tolerate the limits on daily life that the pandemic imposes. In this episode, Marielle and Ed discuss lots of DBT skills that can help you do this.
DBT Skills Discussed:
- Validation
- Mindfulness of Current Thoughts
- Mindfulness of Current Emotions
- Radical Acceptance
- Check the Facts
- Opposite Action
- Problem Solving
- Accumulating Positive Emotions
To learn more about this podcast and get full show notes, go to www.bayareadbtcc.com
Ask us a Question We’d love to hear from you! Where are you getting stuck with your skills application? Ask us a question for the chance to have it answered on the podcast. Submit your question here.
Please note that questions, and this podcast in general, are not a substitute for individual mental health treatment.
As we close out the year, new skills may be needed to help you get through a holiday season that’s unlike any other. Marielle and Ed discuss skills to help you cope and cultivate moments of joy.
Isolation, a constant for many people these days, might be intensified during the holidays. Not being able to be around friends and family for the holidays is painful but for others, it may feel like a relief.
Naming and making space for uncomfortable emotions like sadness, loss, fear, and frustration is important. Mindfulness, emotion regulation, and distress tolerance skills can help you move through some of these emotions.
To learn more about this podcast and get full show notes, go to www.bayareadbtcc.com
Ask us a Question We’d love to hear from you! Where are you getting stuck with your skills application? Ask us a question for the chance to have it answered on the podcast. Submit your question here.
Please note that questions, and this podcast in general, are not a substitute for individual mental health treatment.
Today’s episode explores ten common interpersonal myths. These myths can prevent us from being as effective in relationships as we like.
Some of these myths are about how we “should” be or how others “should” be. Some of these myths are about conflict, or about whether it’s ok to assert our need or say no.
Often we learn these myths from our families when we are young, and it’s helpful to recognize and name them so they don’t dictate what we do in relationships.
In this episode, we unpack each myth: where they come from, and ways to challenge them so you can improve your interpersonal skills.
To learn more about this podcast and get full show notes, go to www.bayareadbtcc.com
Ask us a Question We’d love to hear from you! Where are you getting stuck with your skills application? Ask us a question for the chance to have it answered on the podcast. Submit your question here.
Please note that questions, and this podcast in general, are not a substitute for individual mental health treatment.
This is a special episode geared towards our listeners in the United States. We have a big election approaching and if you struggle with your emotions, you may be more impacted by the uncertainty, polarization, and chaos in our country.
Compounding the political uncertainty are environmental threats like wildfires and hurricanes. On top of all this, we are still in a pandemic! No wonder Wise Mind may be harder to find. Marielle and Ed discuss DBT skills to help you stay as grounded and effective in your life as possible this election season.
To learn more about this podcast and get full show notes, go to www.bayareadbtcc.com
Ask us a Question We’d love to hear from you! Where are you getting stuck with your skills application? Ask us a question for the chance to have it answered on the podcast. Submit your question here.
Please note that questions, and this podcast in general, are not a substitute for individual mental health treatment.
Do you find it hard to take care of yourself? The DBT skill of self-soothing is designed to help you tolerate distress, but it’s also helpful for regular self-care. This episode explores what exactly self-soothing is, when and how to use it, and common barriers to implementing it.
Many of us are going through a time of tremendous uncertainty and multiple losses in the face of a global pandemic. This can wear us down and bring up past traumas, both big and small. Self-soothing is one way to help ease the suffering of this moment.
This episode explores how to use the senses to self-soothe: sight, sound, smell, taste, and touch. For some people, self-soothing brings up feelings of not deserving. If you weren’t treated with kindness and care as a child, it might be particularly hard to treat yourself with kindness and care as an adult.
To learn more about this podcast and get full show notes, go to www.bayareadbtcc.com
Ask us a Question We’d love to hear from you! Where are you getting stuck with your skills application? Ask us a question for the chance to have it answered on the podcast. Submit your question here.
Please note that questions, and this podcast in general, are not a substitute for individual mental health treatment.
Today, Marielle and Ed unpack what happens in the body and mind when an emotion occurs. There’s actually a lot going on! If you are sensitive to or are confused by your emotions, it can be helpful to have an understanding of the different components that make up an emotional experience.
DBT’s Model for Describing Emotions breaks down emotions into ten parts: the prompting event, awareness, interpretation, vulnerability factors, biological changes, nervous system changes, expressions, actions, emotion names, and after-effects. This episode explores all these parts as well as skills to intervene at different points during the emotional experience.
To learn more about this podcast and get full show notes, go to www.bayareadbtcc.com
Ask us a Question We’d love to hear from you! Where are you getting stuck with your skills application? Ask us a question for the chance to have it answered on the podcast. Submit your question here.
Please note that questions, and this podcast in general, are not a substitute for individual mental health treatment.
Today Marielle and Ed offer ways to use DBT skills to support emotional equilibrium during a time where systemic anti-black racism is being confronted and discussed in new and necessary ways.
This episode is not about how to be anti-racist. That’s beyond what we can provide. The resources below serve as a starting point to learn more. Rather, this episode focuses on skills to help you find your emotional footing during a time of national tumult around race. This work deeply aligns with our values as therapists. Racism is a mental health issue and its impact may be easy to dismiss if we aren’t a member of a targeted group.
We recognize that our lens as white therapists limits us and that there is a lot we may get wrong. In the spirit of DBT, we want to approach what’s hard, rather than avoid.
To learn more about this podcast and get full show notes, go to www.bayareadbtcc.com
Ask us a Question We’d love to hear from you! Where are you getting stuck with your skills application? Ask us a question for the chance to have it answered on the podcast. Submit your question here.
Please note that questions, and this podcast in general, are not a substitute for individual mental health treatment.
Today Marielle and Ed answer listener questions.
The first question is from a listener in Sweden about how to cope with anger at others for not taking the COVID-19 pandemic seriously.
Question two is about how to use DEAR MAN to say no.
The final question in this episode is about how to figure out when it’s time to leave a situation.
To learn more about this podcast and get full show notes, go to www.bayareadbtcc.com
Ask us a Question We’d love to hear from you! Where are you getting stuck with your skills application? Ask us a question for the chance to have it answered on the podcast. Submit your question here.
Please note that questions, and this podcast in general, are not a substitute for individual mental health treatment.
Today’s show revisits Radical Acceptance in the face of a global pandemic. Marielle and Ed discuss how they are using this skill (or not using it!) during this time.
Ed is using Radical Acceptance a lot lately, as he feels like it is often the only thing to do in this situation. Marielle shares her resistance to using Radical Acceptance during this time, and the ways she works with fear of strong emotions if she radically accepts what’s happening in the world.
Unlike other more action-oriented skills in DBT, Radical Acceptance is more of a frame of mind, or a turning toward (rather than away from) what’s actually happening in any given moment.
When we can fully and deeply accept reality, painful emotions may arise. But, if we allow them to move through, often there is a sense of peace on the other side. Plus, it’s much harder to take skillful action toward change if we are denying the facts of what is happening.
So much has changed in a few months and the future is uncertain. Loss of all kinds is happening around us and to us. Listen in to learn how the skill of Radical Acceptance can help.
To learn more about this podcast and get full show notes, go to www.bayareadbtcc.com
Ask us a Question We’d love to hear from you! Where are you getting stuck with your skills application? Ask us a question for the chance to have it answered on the podcast. Submit your question here.
Please note that questions, and this podcast in general, are not a substitute for individual mental health treatment.
Today, Marielle and Ed discuss skills to help you communicate with other people during a global pandemic where we are all facing new interpersonal challenges.
We are connecting - or not connecting - with each other in very different ways now which can strain relationships.
People living alone may feel isolated.
People living with others may long for time alone. The demands of partners, children, and/or other family members may feel like too much.
Additionally, continual low-grade fear and uncertainty make it hard to be in Wise Mind and to know what you want and need.
The DBT skills of DEAR MAN and GIVE can help. These skills provide structure for asking for what you need, saying no, or having your opinion taken seriously. Marielle and Ed revisit these skills and talk about relationships as a whole during this pandemic.
To learn more about this podcast and get full show notes, go to www.bayareadbtcc.com
Ask us a Question We’d love to hear from you! Where are you getting stuck with your skills application? Ask us a question for the chance to have it answered on the podcast. Submit your question here.
Please note that questions, and this podcast in general, are not a substitute for individual mental health treatment.
Today, Marielle and Ed continue to discuss DBT skills to cope during a pandemic. We are all going through a collective trauma and need extra support. The DBT skill called Check The Facts is explored. We also explore the difficulty in using this skill during a time when things are rapidly changing and uncertain. Using Check the Facts coupled with Mindfulness may be helpful to remind yourself that that you are ok right in this moment.
The importance of dialectics is also discussed to avoid getting stuck in either/or thinking and rigidity. Flexibility helps us respond to an ongoing highly stressful situation, rather than react.
Gentleness with ourselves and others is very important right now. We all need an extra dose of patience and self-compassion. Some people are pressuring themselves to do a lot during this time, not quite realizing what an emotionally exhausting time this is. Continual anxiety is draining. You are not going to be able to do it all and that’s ok. Watch out for berating yourself for not doing more.
Marielle and Ed also review PLEASE skills that help you regulate your emotions and decrease your vulnerability to Emotion Mind by focusing on caring for your physical well-being.
To learn more about this podcast and get full show notes, go to www.bayareadbtcc.com
Ask us a Question We’d love to hear from you! Where are you getting stuck with your skills application? Ask us a question for the chance to have it answered on the podcast. Submit your question here.
Please note that questions, and this podcast in general, are not a substitute for individual mental health treatment.
In today’s episode, Marielle and Ed explore skills to help you cope with your emotions as we collectively face a pandemic. Many of you may be feeling intense distress on a regular basis during these uncertain times. DBT offers lots of skills to help manage strong, painful emotions like fear and panic.
Different ways of thinking about your distress levels are discussed, including the Subjective Units of Distress Scale and the Window of Tolerance. Stopping regularly throughout your day to check in with your distress level and naming your emotion can be a helpful first step in helping you feel more centered.
The Distress Tolerance skill of TIPP is discussed, as is Contributing and Self-Soothing. TIPP, in particular, is helpful in calming an over-activated nervous system.
To learn more about this podcast and get full show notes, go to www.bayareadbtcc.com
Ask us a Question We’d love to hear from you! Where are you getting stuck with your skills application? Ask us a question for the chance to have it answered on the podcast. Submit your question here.
Please note that questions, and this podcast in general, are not a substitute for individual mental health treatment.
Today’s show covers the DBT skill called Pros and Cons. While most of us have already done informal pro and con lists in our heads when facing a tough decision, the DBT take on Pros and Cons is a little different.
Pros and Cons is great to use in anticipation of problem behaviors like avoiding, lashing out, shutting down, self-harm, or any kind of addictive behavior. Just make sure that you’re in your Wise Mind when you write out your Pros and Cons list, rather than Emotion Mind.
We review states of mind during this episode as well, in case you’re unfamiliar with the concepts of Wise Mind, Emotion Mind, and Reasonable Mind. We also review the SUDs scale, or Subjective Units of Distress, to help you become familiar with what different distress levels feel like for you.
Pros and Cons is part of the Distress Tolerance module and all the skills in Distress Tolerance are designed to help you get through a crisis or stressful situation without making things worse.
Towards the end of the podcast, Marielle guides Ed through a Pros and Cons list for procrastination. You might be surprised at what is discovered!
To learn more about this podcast and get full show notes, go to www.bayareadbtcc.com
Ask us a Question We’d love to hear from you! Where are you getting stuck with your skills application? Ask us a question for the chance to have it answered on the podcast. Submit your question here.
Please note that questions, and this podcast in general, are not a substitute for individual mental health treatment.
In today’s episode, Marielle and Ed discuss the emotion regulation skills of Build Mastery and Cope Ahead. These are future-oriented skills that involve some planning to carry out.
Build Mastery is a way to strengthen your sense of competence by doing small, regular things that are challenging. Over time, this skill will help you stretch yourself and believe in your capability to accomplish hard things which in turn, will increase your emotional resiliency. This skill also helps you avoid a common mistake when trying to learn a new skill or do something hard: setting your sights too high and then giving up in defeat. Instead, Build Mastery helps you make small, incremental changes that are stretch you out of your comfort zone but aren’t impossible. You’ll find that the skill of Build Mastery will help you increase your sense of self-worth, self-efficacy, and pride in what you can achieve.
Cope Ahead is a skill that walks you through a process of planning for stressful situations ahead of time. This is a good skill to use when you anticipate that you will be in a situation that will bring up strong painful emotions and/or you might feel like engaging in a behavior you are trying to stop. Part of why this skill can be so helpful is that it asks you to make a coping plan ahead of time, step by step, and then visualize coping well with the situation.
To learn more about this podcast and get full show notes, go to www.bayareadbtcc.com
Ask us a Question
We’d love to hear from you! Where are you getting stuck with your skills application? Ask us a question for the chance to have it answered on the podcast. Submit your question here.
Please note that questions, and this podcast in general, are not a substitute for individual mental health treatment.
Today I’m talking with Dr. Kelsey Harper, a clinical psychologist and DBT therapist who works with trauma, PTSD, and chronic emotion dysregulation. With over a decade of work spanning varying settings and clientele, Kelsey has established a private practice in Santa Monica and observed time and again, that many clients reported extensive histories of trauma leading them to seek therapy and healing in their adult lives. With her own personal recovery as a survivor of sexual assault and experience working with the unique needs of survivors in their recovery journey, she built a new community called Warrior Reclamation to offer survivors support, connection, and skills for reclaiming their lives.
Kelsey talks about her own experience of isolation and confusion following sexual assault and how this inspired her to create a space so others don’t have to go through this alone. Listen in as we discuss DBT skills, sitting with emotions and how to survive rape culture.
To learn more about this podcast and full show notes, go to bayareadbtcc.com
Ask Us a Question! We’d love to hear from you! Where are you getting stuck with your skills application? Ask us a question for the chance to have it answered on the podcast. Submit your question here.
Please note that questions, and this podcast in general, are not a substitute for individual mental health treatment.
In today’s episode, we discuss your relationship with yourself, focusing on the skill of Loving-Kindness.
- When you are having a hard time, are you kind or harsh with yourself?
- Do you berate yourself for real or perceived mistakes?
- Do you try to motivate yourself with criticism?
These tactics tend to not work in the long-run and erode your sense of self.
What if you had permission to be gentle and compassionate with yourself?
The DBT skill of Loving-Kindness meditation is based on the Buddhist practice of Metta, which can help you cultivate a gentle, loving relationship with yourself. Although the roots of this skill lie in Buddhism, we offer a secular version of the practice here.
To learn more about this podcast and full show notes, go to bayareadbtcc.com
Ask Us a Question! We’d love to hear from you! Where are you getting stuck with your skills application? Ask us a question for the chance to have it answered on the podcast. Submit your question here.
Please note that questions, and this podcast in general, are not a substitute for individual mental health treatment.
Instead of making New Year’s resolutions this year, think about using the momentum of the new year to make changes in your life that are aligned with your values.
Often New Year’s resolutions come from a place of shame or deficiency, a place of trying to fix what’s “wrong” with you. What if you made changes in your life based on what’s most important to you rather than “fixing” what’s wrong? This is where values come in.
The DBT skill called Accumulating Positive Emotions in the Long Term can help you experience more positive emotions more often by aligning your life with your values. In today’s episode, Marielle and Ed take a deep dive into the skill.
Show Highlights * Access your Wise Mind when assessing your values * What’s actually important to you vs. what you think SHOULD be important * Your values and priorities can shift as you go through different seasons in your life * This skill outlines a step by step process to make your values a reality in your life * Avoid avoiding * Pick one value to focus on at a time * Identify a few goals related to this value * Bite-size action steps * Take action!
Links & Resources DBT Skills Training Handouts and Worksheets, Second Edition
Ask Us a Question! We’d love to hear from you! Where are you getting stuck with your skills application? Ask us a question for the chance to have it answered on the podcast. Submit your question here.
Please note that questions, and this podcast in general, are not a substitute for individual mental health treatment.
To learn more about DBT and therapy in general, read our blog.
The holidays are a time where there is often a lot of pressure to have a certain kind of experience - one that is about family, friends, joy, and celebration. For many folks, this is more of a fantasy than a reality.
If you are fortunate enough to enjoy time with family and friends during the holidays, the expectation of constant togetherness and merry-making can be a set up for disappointment.
This episode discusses common themes that come up during the holidays as well as ways to take care of yourself.
Show Highlights:
- The mythical family gathering where everyone is happy creates a lot of unrealistic expectations
- Travel can add pressure and stress
- Even in the most functional families, it’s often a lot of concentrated time together
- Old dynamics between parents and adult children arise
- Dealing with judgmental family members
- Cope Ahead is a great skill to use for the holidays
- Cope Ahead requires you to describe the situation that will prompt a problem response in you, anticipate the problem behavior or emotion ahead of time, and then plan out what skills you will use
- The skill of Radical Acceptance - that you have the family, friends, and social life that you have right now
- Acceptance does not equal approval
- Adult children can often think that they are going to go back to families and change them and this rarely works
- Loneliness, isolation, and grief gets amplified
- Creating your own rituals and traditions
- The Distress Tolerance skill of Contributing can be especially helpful during the holidays
Recap of Skills Discussed:
- Mindfulness
- PLEASE
- Cope Ahead
- Radical Acceptance
- Mindfulness of Others
- Contributing
Links & Resources:
DBT Skills Training Handouts and Worksheets, Second Edition
Ask Us a Question! We’d love to hear from you! Where are you getting stuck with your skills application? Ask us a question for the chance to have it answered on the podcast. Submit your question here.
Please note that questions, and this podcast in general, are not a substitute for individual mental health treatment.
To learn more about DBT and therapy in general, read our blog.
Do you have a hard time doing nice things for yourself? The DBT skill called Accumulating Positive Events in the Short-Term is all about doing small, regular self-care. Putting effort into building positive emotions on a regular basis helps build emotional resilience so you won’t get as thrown when hard things happen.
Many folks believe that they have to “earn” doing something nice for themselves or that they don’t deserve to do things just for pleasure. If this is the case for you, it might be surprisingly hard to take time to engage in regular pleasurable activities.
This skill won’t change things overnight - that’s why it’s called accumulating! Slowly, though, you can build up your emotional resilience which can act as a buffer when life gets challenging.
To learn more about this podcast and full show notes, go to bayareadbtcc.com
Ask Us a Question! We’d love to hear from you! Where are you getting stuck with your skills application? Ask us a question for the chance to have it answered on the podcast. Submit your question here.
Please note that questions, and this podcast in general, are not a substitute for individual mental health treatment.
Sometimes it’s better to not act on our emotions. The DBT skill Opposite Action helps you act opposite to what your emotion is telling you to do. Use this skill when your emotion doesn’t fit the facts or when your emotion does fit the facts but acting on the emotion isn’t effective.
This skill can help you act the way you want to feel instead of the way you do feel. Make sure you use this skill to change emotions you want to change, not emotions that other people want you to change. This skill has several steps so listen in to learn how to fully change the way you feel.
To learn more about this podcast and full show notes, go to bayareadbtcc.com
Ask Us a Question! We’d love to hear from you! Where are you getting stuck with your skills application? Ask us a question for the chance to have it answered on the podcast. Submit your question here.
Please note that questions, and this podcast in general, are not a substitute for individual mental health treatment.
To learn more about DBT and therapy in general, read our blog.
In Episode 15 of The Skillful Podcast, Marielle and Ed discuss checking the facts. When you have a painful emotion that you want to change, using the DBT skill called Check the Facts can be very helpful. Sometimes strong, painful emotions aren’t a reaction to what has actually happened but are based on beliefs, interpretations, and assumptions about what has happened. Use this skill to help you change emotions YOU want to change - not emotions other people in your life want you to change.
Show Highlights:
- Emotions might not be based on facts
- Sometimes just checking the facts can bring down a painful emotion quickly
- Start by naming the specific emotion that you want to change
- What event brought on the emotion?
- Be non-judgmental when describing what prompted the emotion
- Name your interpretations, judgments, assumptions, and thoughts about the prompting event
- Identify the stories your mind is telling you
- Ask yourself what you’re scared of
- Imagine the worst-case scenario and think about how you would cope
- Often painful emotions are based on assuming a threat and minimizing our ability to cope
- Assess whether the intensity of your emotion fits the facts
- Assess whether how long your emotion is lasting fits the facts
- Remind yourself that you have the capacity to get through very painful things
- Sometimes the emotion fits the facts but acting on it isn’t effective
Links & Resources
To learn more about DBT and therapy in general, read our blog
DBT Skills Training Handouts and Worksheets, Second Edition
Ask Us a Question! We’d love to hear from you! Where are you getting stuck with your skills application? Ask us a question for the chance to have it answered on the podcast. Submit your question here.
Please note that questions, and this podcast in general, are not a substitute for individual mental health treatment.
Many sensitive people have wished at times that they could just get rid of their emotions. They may try to dampen, suppress, or deny emotions. Although these efforts may work partially, at least in the short-term, they never really work in the long term. Plus, often the things sensitive people may turn to in order to lessen the sting of painful emotions, such as addictive or impulsive behaviors, create additional problems.
In this episode, Marielle and Ed talk about the purpose of emotions and things that make it hard to regulate them. They talk about how emotions send a message to ourselves, letting us know that there is something we need to pay attention to. Emotional expression is also a powerful communicator to other people, whether we like it or not. Emotions move us to take action when we need to. Without emotions, we wouldn’t run from tigers, tend to a sick child, or fall in love.
Show Highlights:
- Emotions motivate us to take action quickly when we need to
- Emotions keep us connected to others; they motivate behavior that is good for the “tribe”
- Emotions can be infectious or contagious
- Body language and tone of voice also communicate our emotions to others
- Emotions may be based on assumptions rather than facts
- When anger is really strong, it tells us that someone or something has gone past our limits
- Anger can feel very self-righteous at times
- Anger might fit the facts but expressing it may or may not be effective
- So much of the work with emotions is about slowing down
- Some people feel like they don’t have a right to express anger
- Our relationship to anger can be very gendered
- Anger is one of the few emotions that men are typically allowed to have
- Men are often socialized to not feel fear or sadness
- Women are often socialized to not express or even feel anger
- Class, race, gender, and sexual orientation can influence which emotions are ok to express publicly and how they are expressed
- The different factors that make it hard to regulate emotions
- Some people just feel emotions more strongly than others
- Things like lack of sleep, being sick or not eating enough can make it harder to regulate emotions
- Telling someone to “just get over it” doesn’t help
- Sometimes our expressions of intense emotions get reinforced
- Moodiness also gets in the way of being able to regulate emotions, meaning that your current mood dictates what you do (rather than your wise mind)
- Mood-dependent behavior can take us out of line with our goals and values
- It takes willingness and effort to work on regulating emotions
Links & Resources
To learn more about DBT and therapy in general, read our blog.
DBT Skills Training Handouts and Worksheets, Second Edition
Ask Us a Question! We’d love to hear from you! Where are you getting stuck with your skills application? Ask us a question for the chance to have it answered on the podcast. Submit your question here.
Please note that questions, and this podcast in general, are not a substitute for individual mental health treatment.
Today Marielle and Ed discuss the 10 most common myths about emotions. These myths can come from the culture around us and from the families we were raised in. Asking yourself where you learned some of these myths may be helpful in debunking them. Some myths have to do with a fear of being out of control with emotions and other myths are more about equating emotions with the truth of who you are.
Show Highlights: Myth 1: Having strong emotions means I am out of control.
- Feeling the emotion and the behavior get conflated
- It can feel like strong emotion automatically equals out of control behavior
- Intense emotion can be very physical
- Taking action on our strong emotion makes it feel out of control
Myth 2: If I start crying, I’m never gonna stop.
- We always start crying, often sooner than we think
- Under all circumstances, we do eventually stop crying
Myth 3: I need to push down my anger or it will become dangerous.
- Anger also has a life-span, if we let it move through us it will dissipate
- We can feel angry and not act on it in a dangerous way
- We have a lot of power over how to handle our own anger
Myth 4: If I am feeling very emotional, I must do something to change it.
- Emotions give us information
- We don’t necessarily need to change emotions
Myth 5: Reason is better than emotion.
- Another way of stating this myth is: it’s always better to be rational than emotional
- Sometimes it sounds appealing to not have emotions
- Emotions connect us to others
Myth 6: Emotions can just happen for no reason.
- Emotions are a response to something even if we don’t know what that is
- If you’re having a strong emotional response, it’s a signal to do a little exploring
Myth 7: I am my emotions.
- We are so much more than our emotions
- It’s not uncommon to feel more than one emotion at once
- If you are basing your identity on your emotions, it will be hard to have a stable sense of self because our emotions are in continual flux
Myth 8: It’s inauthentic to try to change or question my emotions.
- Sometimes it’s not effective to feel or act on an emotion
- Sometimes our emotions are not aligned with our goals or values so the most authentic thing to do is to work to change it
- Our emotions don’t always fit the facts
Myth 9: My emotions speak the absolute truth.
- Sometimes our strong emotions are based on interpretations or assumptions rather than actual facts
- Just because you feel something doesn’t mean it’s true
Myth 10: I need to be very emotional to be creative.
- Emotions help support creativity but we don’t have to be overwhelmed by emotions to be creative
Ask Us a Question! We’d love to hear from you! Where are you getting stuck with your skills application? Ask us a question for the chance to have it answered on the podcast. Submit your question here.
Please note that questions, and this podcast in general, are not a substitute for individual mental health treatment.
Marielle and Ed continue their conversation about Distress Tolerance focusing on Distraction and Self-Soothing. While these skills won’t solve any problems, they can be super helpful when you are caught up in painful emotions.
Distraction in DBT is broken down into separate skills that go by the acronym ACCEPTS (as in Wise Mind ACCEPTS).
Show Highlights:
- Choosing distraction is very different than unconsciously avoiding
- Sometimes it’s wise to not fully experience your emotions
- These skills can be used when you have a strong urge to fix a problem immediately
- You can also use these skills when you feel an urge to engage in a behavior you are trying to stop
- A - Activities
- C - Contributing
- C - Comparisons
- E - Emotions
- P - Pushing Away
- T - Thoughts
- S - Sensations
- Different activities redirect your attention to something else - away from the painful emotion
- Figuring out what activities hold your attention when you’re upset
- Contributing can have a secondary benefit of creating a sense of purpose or meaning in your life.
- Comparing our pain to others can put our pain in perspective
- Comparing your current situation to other hard times in your life can help you feel like you can get through
- To use emotions to distract, first figure out what you are feeling and then do something that evokes a different emotion
- Pushing away is shutting out or blocking your painful emotion
- Self-Soothing with your five senses: sight, sound, taste, touch and smell
Resources:
DBT Skills Training Handouts and Worksheets, Second Edition
SUDs (Subjective Units of Distress) Scale
Ask Us a Question! We’d love to hear from you! Where are you getting stuck with your skills application? Ask us a question for the chance to have it answered on the podcast. Submit your question here.
Please note that questions, and this podcast in general, are not a substitute for individual mental health treatment.
Today, Marielle and Ed discuss the skill of Radical Acceptance. Radical Acceptance is a Distress Tolerance skill that helps you stop fighting reality, however painful that reality is. When you can fully open up and radically accept what is happening in the present moment, suffering decreases.
Show Highlights:
- Getting too focused on change can sometimes backfire
- Radical acceptance is not against change
- Radical acceptance is different than plain old acceptance
- Our instinct is often to fight painful things that are happening
- Radical acceptance is not negating a sense of justice or fairness
- Denial of reality can keep us from taking steps towards change
- Acceptance does not equal approval
- Accepting painful things can be a process
- The first step in moving forward from painful things is accepting that they did happen
- Sadness often comes up when we radically accept
- Pain is a part of life for everyone - it can’t be avoided
- It’s a fallacy to think that if you accept things you don’t like about yourself you won’t change
- Radical acceptance doesn’t mean we don’t have preferences
- We need to radically accept the past
- If you are practicing Radical Acceptance of something in the future make sure you are only accepting known limitations
- Willing Hands is a skill that can help you Radically Accept
- To practice Willing Hands, turn your palms towards the sky and relax your arms
- When we fight reality, we are often holding a lot of tension in our bodies
Links & Resources
www.bayareadbtcc.com
DBT Skills Training Handouts and Worksheets, Second Edition
Ask Us a Question! We’d love to hear from you! Where are you getting stuck with your skills application? Ask us a question for the chance to have it answered on the podcast. Submit your question here.
Please note that questions, and this podcast in general, are not a substitute for individual mental health treatment.
Marielle and Ed continue their conversation about Distress Tolerance focusing on the TIPP skill. That extra P in TIPP isn’t a typo! TIPP is an acronym that actually stands for 4 different skills. The skills in TIPP intervene on a biological level to bring down overwhelming emotions to help you think more clearly.
Learn how to assess your distress level using the Subjective Units of Distress scale, or SUDS, in order to figure out which skills you need in an emotional crisis. If you are someone who leans toward impulsive behaviors when under emotional distress then tune in to learn more effective ways of responding to strong negative affect.
Show Highlights:
- Measuring your distress level with the SUDs scale (Subjective Units of Distress)
- SUD scale 0-10, from peaceful to an unbearably overwhelmed state of mind
- TIPP skills and reasonable expectations
- T - Tip the temperature of your face with cold water
- I - Intense Exercise
- P - Paced Breathing
- P - Paired Muscle Relaxation
- Ed describes the body’s response to cold temperature
- Exercise can bring down the fight or flight response (2 minutes of jumping jacks, running up and down stairs, etc.)
- Differentiating between regular exercise vs. intense exercise in the moment
- Parasympathetic nervous system vs. sympathetic nervous system
- Sit or lie down as Marielle leads you in practicing a Paced Breathing exercise
- Paced Breathing is the most accessible TIPP skill because you can do it anywhere
- Ed leads you to practice a Paired Muscle Relaxation exercise
Links & Resources:
www.bayareadbtcc.com
Subjective Units of Distress : https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Subjective_units_of_distress_scale
Ask Us a Question! We’d love to hear from you! Where are you getting stuck with your skills application? Ask us a question for the chance to have it answered on the podcast. Submit your question here.
Please note that questions, and this podcast in general, are not a substitute for individual mental health treatment.
Marielle and Ed delve into a discussion today on how you can learn to tolerate emotional distress and overwhelm without making things worse. There’s a whole range of behaviors that we can learn, from mindfulness to using creative ways to distract. Learn more about how to ride out emotional storms with getting carried away by the winds.
Show Highlights:
- Resistance of emotional pain creates an additional level of suffering
- Dialectical approach of accepting what is AND looking for ways to change
- Cultural push to fix things
- When we respond to emotional pain in unskillful ways
- Learning to ride out emotional pain more skillfully
- Feeling shame over the coping habits we have established
- Distress tolerance skills are a natural outgrowth of mindfulness skills
- Concepts of emotion mind, reasonable mind and wise mind
- Subjective units of distress or SUDS
- Learning to ride out the storm
- How we define a crisis in DBT
- When NOT to use these skills
- Skilled distraction
- STOP skill is where we start: Stop, Take a Step Back, Observe, Proceed Mindfully
Links & Resources:
www.bayareadbtcc.com
Book:
“DBT Skills Training Handouts and Worksheets” - by Marsha Linehan
Ask Us a Question! We’d love to hear from you! Where are you getting stuck with your skills application? Ask us a question for the chance to have it answered on the podcast. Submit your question here.
Please note that questions, and this podcast in general, are not a substitute for individual mental health treatment.
Are you someone who’s good at getting things done, following the rules and planning ahead? These can be wonderful traits to have but you may notice that focusing on doing everything right interferes with relaxing, enjoying life and connecting with others. This is known as “emotional over-control” or “OC” and today Marielle sits down with Neill Howell, MFT, to talk about it.
Neil is a psychotherapist who specializes in treating those who are emotionally over-controlled. Neil and Marielle talk about RO-DBT, or Radically-Open Dialectical Behavior Therapy, and how it can help you learn to loosen the reigns of self-control and connect authentically to others. RO-DBT has been around for over 20 years and there’s clinical research behind this approach that’s really gaining a lot of momentum right now. It gets into the heart of things that other treatments haven’t been reaching. If you or a loved one are emotionally over-controlled, you don’t want to miss this fascinating discussion on how RO-DBT can be not only therapeutic, but a FUN treatment, as well. Listen in!
Show Highlights:
- Folks who are over-controlled or “OC” are very responsible but sometimes responsibility can be too much of a good thing
- OC folks often compulsively strive to do more and get the next thing done but have a hard time slowing down, resting and being playful
- On the outside, OC folks look like they are doing everything “right”
- Hiding emotions and not letting people in is a big part of being over-controlled. Some people hide their emotions with a neutral facial expression and others mask their true feelings with inauthentic facial expressions, such as a fake smile.
- Being over-controlled has a biological component: it usually shows up at a young age with shyness and a heightened threat awareness, which leads to anxiety
- Over-control also has an environmental component: children learn that making mistakes is intolerable and that they should always strive to do better
- When you’re over-controlled, you don’t need more control, you need strategies to help address the underlying problem
- Emotional loneliness is a big part of being OC and many OC folks secretly worry that they are just not that likable
- Many OC folks live life in a rigid way which makes it hard to form genuine friendships, which require openness and flexibility
- Self-inquiry is the primary mindfulness practice in RO-DBT that starts with the premise that nobody knows everything and neither does anyone else, therefore, we all have something to learn
- The 2 rigid mindsets: fixed mind and fatalistic mind
- Approach coping and staying open to a better solution
- Emotional leakage and how to express emotion at an intensity that a person is comfortable with
Links & Resources:
www.bayareadbtcc.com
www.neilhowellpsychotherapy.com
http://www.radicallyopen.net/about-ro-dbt/
Ask Us a Question! We’d love to hear from you! Where are you getting stuck with your skills application? Ask us a question for the chance to have it answered on the podcast. Submit your question here.
Please note that questions, and this podcast in general, are not a substitute for individual mental health treatment.
Do you know how important it is to feel validated? Validation lets us know that we have been heard and understood. We all have the need to be understood by others, especially those closest to us. Today Marielle and Ed discuss the importance of validation in all interpersonal relationships. They describe the different levels of validation and they take a look at the detrimental effects of being invalidated by someone. Tune in now to find out more.
Validation is a necessary part of all relationships, from the most intimate relationships to friendships and work relationships. Marielle and Ed start today's episode with a definition of what invalidation is to give a sense of what it looks like and talk about how painful it feels to be on the receiving end of it. Listen in today, to find out what validation is and why it matters so much in relationships.
Show Highlights:
- Marielle explains what invalidation is and what it looks like.
- Being invalidated feels painful and it can cause people to become defensive and angry.
- It is possible to validate someone's experience without having to agree with them.
- What validation is and why it matters so much in relationships.
- Validation is the best way to connect and understand someone else's personal experiences.
- Why and how validation acts as a social lubricant.
- Differentiating intent versus impact.
- How validation can prevent defensiveness.
- How validation differs from simply agreeing.
- The benefits of starting hard conversations with validation.
- The different levels of validation.
- Paying attention is the first and most basic level of validation.
- The next level of validation is reflecting back what you have heard without judgment.
- The third level of validation is called “reading minds”. This is a more advanced level of validation. It involves noticing and sensing what is going on with the other person without them having to tell us. It is powerful but it can also be tricky.
Links:
www.bayareadbtcc.com
Ask Us a Question! We’d love to hear from you! Where are you getting stuck with your skills application? Ask us a question for the chance to have it answered on the podcast. Submit your question here.
Please note that questions, and this podcast in general, are not a substitute for individual mental health treatment.
Would you like to learn how to ask for what you want, how to resolve a conflict, and how to have your opinion taken seriously in your relationships? Today, Marielle and Ed will be expanding on the interpersonal effectiveness skills in DBT. They are working out of the DBT Skills Training Handouts and Worksheets, by Marsha Linehan, which is where you can find all the skills, and see all the acronyms that are discussed in the podcast.
Today's episode starts out with a review of the core interpersonal effectiveness skill in DBT, which is the acronym DEARMAN. Then Marielle and Ed go into some refinements of how to deliver DEARMAN. This includes how to ask for something, how to say 'no', and how to resolve a conflict when different things are important. Tune in now, to find out more.
Show Highlights:
- A quick review of DEARMAN, the foundational skill of all the interpersonal effectiveness skills: D=Describe; E=Express (your feelings or opinions); A=Assert; R=Reinforce (what's in it for the person you're asking for something); M=Mindful; A=Appearing confident; N=Negotiate.
- What's most important to you in an interaction? Your objective, your relationship, or your self-respect?
- The interpersonal effectiveness skills in DBT encourage us to plan ahead when we need to ask for something, say 'no', or interact with someone to get what we want in a relationship.
- There's a whole different set of skills that we would use to make sure that when we ask for what we want in a relationship, we're also being attentive to the relationship.
- Sometimes, maintaining our self-respect is the most important thing when we're interacting with another person.
- Our objective, the relationship, and our self-respect all things to think about in any interaction with another person.
- Some of the pitfalls that people can experience if they are always prioritizing the relationship, always prioritizing self-respect, or always getting what they want.
- We sometimes assume that the way to maintain a relationship is not to ask for too much or not to say 'no'.
- The Interpersonal Effectiveness skills help us to take each interaction for what it is and notice what will be most effective.
- The GIVE skill is the skill that we use to deliver the DEARMAN when the relationship is our top priority. G=Gentle; I=Interest; V=Validate; E=Easy manner.
- Marielle explains why Interpersonal Effectiveness skills are best accessed in Wise Mind.
- Paying attention to body language and eye contact can help us be more effective when communicating with others.
- Sometimes it’s actually more effective to do the opposite of what our emotions are telling us.
- Trying to understand where the other person is coming from helps them feel understood and can improve our relationships.
- Having an easy manner is helpful when preserving or improving the relationship is the most important thing.
- Some questions that you can ask yourself to get clear about your priorities in each interpersonal situation.
- The FAST skill is used when your self-respect is most important. F=Fair; A= no Apologies; S=Stick to values; T=Truthful.
- These interpersonal effectiveness skills take thought, planning, and practice. They are also quite nuanced.
Links:
www.bayareadbtcc.com
Ask Us a Question! We’d love to hear from you! Where are you getting stuck with your skills application? Ask us a question for the chance to have it answered on the podcast. Submit your question here.
Please note that questions, and this podcast in general, are not a substitute for individual mental health treatment.
Do you find it hard to say 'no', or get what you want in your relationships? Today, Marielle and Ed will be talking about interpersonal effectiveness. The interpersonal effectiveness skills in DBT are practical and they are really helpful in giving us a structure for obtaining what we want and need in relationships. These skills also provide us with a structure for saying 'no', while maintaining our self-respect. This is something that many of us seem to struggle with, so tune in now, to find out more.
In DBT, it's important to think about balance when trying to ask for something or to say 'no' to something in relationships. In today's podcast, Marielle and Ed will be introducing the interpersonal effectiveness module, and they will be discussing one of the module's core skills. Listen in, to find out what they have to share about these really effective interpersonal skills.
Show Highlights:
- In DBT, when looking at interpersonal effectiveness skills, we're trying to balance different needs and priorities.
- Meeting our objectives, maintaining the relationship, and maintaining self-respect are all important things to consider.
- DBT helps people figure out which of the three goals has top priority, in order to help people figure out which skill to use.
- Sometimes, people are not clear about what they want from a situation.
- How to look for the middle and avoid the extremes in relationships.
- Thinking about some of the hard conversations in advance can be super helpful.
- When emotions are high, we're not able to be as effective in asking or saying 'no' because the emotion may cloud things
- When our emotions are high, the tendency is to focus only on the short-term and we forget our long-term goals.
- Some common myths that people have about interpersonal effectiveness and relationships.
- Looking at common interpersonal myths such as: I don't deserve to get what we want or need or I should always be willing to sacrifice my own needs for those of others.
- It's hard for some people to tolerate others feeling upset with them, so they find it hard to ask for something or say 'no'.
- Some of the myths people who place their self-respect first all the time tend to believe. People should just know what I need so I shouldn't have to ask is a common one.
- Learning the skill of Radical Acceptance and how that relates to relationships.
- Ed and Marielle go through the foundational skill of the interpersonal effectiveness module in DBT. It's the acronym DEARMAN. D=describe, E=express, A=assert or ask, R=reinforce, M=mindful, A=appear confident, N=negotiate.
- Ed and Marielle bring DEARMAN to life with an example.
- Marielle gives some real-life examples of DEARMAN from their own working relationship.
- In the relationships where we are most comfortable and we let our guard down, is often where we are the least thoughtful. It really helps to have a structure to hold on to and to help us be more thoughtful about these types of interactions.
- Writing out a brief script for yourself before having a hard conversation can really help you to remain focused.
Ask Us a Question! We’d love to hear from you! Where are you getting stuck with your skills application? Ask us a question for the chance to have it answered on the podcast. Submit your question here.
Please note that questions, and this podcast in general, are not a substitute for individual mental health treatment.
Would you like to introduce a mindfulness practice into your daily routine? Today, Ed joins Marielle once again and they continue talking about the mindfulness skills in DBT. In today's episode, they discuss what you actually do to practice mindfulness in the DBT framework. Listen in to find out more.
In the last episode, Marielle and Ed discussed the 'what' skills, or the things that you do, in order to practice mindfulness. These are observing, describing, and participating. Today, they will be talking about the 'how' skills, which are essentially how you observe, describe, and participate, and also the qualities that you want to bring to the way that you observe, describe, and participate. Tune in now for more!
Show Highlights:
- There are three 'how' skills. They are non-judgmentally, one-mindfully, and effectively.
- Talking about doing things non-judgmentally.
- How the 'how' skills deepen the practice of mindfulness when we're observing, describing, or participating.
- How our judgments can get in the way of our being in the moment.
- Learning to accept each moment like a blanket spread on the lawn can help us to observe without judgment.
- Why our judgments tend to create a lot of emotional suffering for us.
- Ed discusses the judgments and the resultant emotions that come up for him around rain.
- What happens when Ed is able to recognize his judgments, put them to one side, and focus on what's actually happening.
- Ed has found that practicing non-judgmental mindfulness around rain has decreased his reactivity towards rain.
- Noticing when you're judging and not judging yourself for the judging.
- Looking at toxic self-judgment that really causes so much emotional pain.
- Many judgments are based on inaccuracies.
- Judgments don't help to change behavior.
- Discernment is being able to acknowledge things that are helpful or harmful, and things that might be safe or dangerous, without judgment.
- In trying to be non-judgmental, we are trying to be factual.
- Practicing one-mindfulness is about just focusing on the thing in front of us.
- How focusing on one task at a time can lead to increased productivity.
- Being fully in the moment and practicing being one-mindful is really worth the effort.
- What it takes to become effective.
- Effectiveness is really about doing what works and playing by the rules.
- You need to have goals in order to be really effective.
- When we get stuck in a place of anger or hostility, we lose sight of the longer-term goals. Mindfulness gives us a moment to cool down some of the intensity of the emotion.
Links and resources:
You can find us online at https://bayareadbtcc.com/
Ask Us a Question! We’d love to hear from you! Where are you getting stuck with your skills application? Ask us a question for the chance to have it answered on the podcast. Submit your question here.
Please note that questions, and this podcast in general, are not a substitute for individual mental health treatment.
Would you like to learn to practice mindfulness in the DBT framework? Today, Marielle and Ed will be discussing the three 'what' skills of mindfulness. These are called 'what' skills because they are what you actually do to practice mindfulness in the DBT framework. These skills are done one at a time. Listen in today, to find out about the three things that we do to practice being in the present moment.
In DBT, there are three things we can do to practice being mindful in the moment. The first is to observe, the second is to describe what we are observing, and the third one is to participate. Each of these is a different approach to being in the present moment. In a later episode, we will explain the 'how' skills, as these are the companion to the 'what' skills because the 'how' skills are how you do the 'what' skills. Tune in today, to find out about the three different and equally beneficial ways to practice mindfulness, one moment at a time, whenever you can, in your everyday life.
Show Highlights:
- Marielle explains what observing is all about.
- Observing is the direct notice of sensory experience.
- Observing is noticing what you are sensing without labeling it, reacting to it, or judging it.
- One of the 'how' skills is the ability to be non-judgmental.
- Ed explains how observing mindfully helps him to pay attention.
- Why observing can be tricky for most people.
- Judgments can cause people to want to change an experience or to want to push it away.
- The many benefits of observing.
- Being mindful allows us to be present without feeling the pressure to do more.
- DBT encourages you to practice being mindful for just a second if that's what you're able to do.
- Regular practice makes mindfulness easier.
- All the mindfulness skills in DBT are about bringing mindfulness and awareness to your everyday life, to help reduce reactivity, increase feelings of aliveness, and be connected to others, and decrease emotional suffering.
- Marielle leads us in a brief observe skill practice exercise.
- If your mind wanders just bring it back.
- The main goals of observing.
- The describe skill is putting words to what you observe.
- When you describe, you stick to the facts- just the who, what, when, and where. You leave out your interpretations or your assumptions.
- Interpretations can lead to assumptions. The describe skill can help you because sticking to the facts can prevent you from becoming anxious or worried.
- Our interpretations are usually based on our own opinions rather than facts, so our interpretation of a situation can lead us to react to the situation rather than responding to it.
- Building and honing the describe muscle.
- Marielle leads us in a brief describe skill practice exercise.
- Describe can really help when you're in the throes of intense emotion.
- Ed describes the participate skills. Some may be easy and work for you and others might not.
- Ed explains how the participate skill for mindfulness is the opposite of observing and describing.
- You can use participation to anchor yourself to the present moment.
- Participation allows us to become fully absorbed in whatever we are doing.
- Participation can allow you to dance like nobody is watching you.
- Participation allows you to feel a part of something, rather than feeling apart from something.
- Participating includes acting intuitively from your wise mind. This means that your actions are in service of your long-term goals.
Links and resources:
You can find us online at https://bayareadbtcc.com/
Ask Us a Question! We’d love to hear from you! Where are you getting stuck with your skills application? Ask us a question for the chance to have it answered on the podcast. Submit your question here.
Please note that questions, and this podcast in general, are not a substitute for individual mental health treatment.
Would you like to know more about DBT and where it all started? In today's episode, Marielle and Ed will be looking into the background and development of DBT. They will discuss dialectics and the concept of Wise Mind and give an introduction to mindfulness. Tune in to find out more.
Dialectics is about balancing two things that could be seen as opposite, yet also as true. Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) was created towards the end of the 1980s, by Marsha Linehan, who started out doing Cognitive Behavior Therapy (CBT) with suicidal and self-harming clients. She later added the dialectical component to more effectively treat people experiencing intense emotional suffering.
Show Highlights:
- Why Ed finds dialectics to be helpful for intense suffering.
- Ed defines the term 'dialectics'.
- Always balancing acceptance and change with dialectics.
- With dialectics, two opposing things can be true at the same time.
- Moving away from 'black-and-white' thinking.
- DBT has been effective in treating people with different kinds of emotional dysregulation.
- Wise mind is an ideal state, a work in progress, and an internal sense of doing the right thing, even if it's hard.
- Wise mind is the combination of our Emotion Mind and our Reasonable mind.
- What Emotion Mind looks like.
- What Reasonable Mind looks like.
- Wise Mind can lead us to that place of intuition or inspiration.
- There are many ways to practice mindfulness.
- Mindfulness helps us to access Wise Mind.
- Ed gives a mindfulness breathing exercise to help you to access Wise Mind.
- Mindfulness is the foundational skill of DBT.
- The mindfulness that is practiced in DBT isn't meditation.
- What is mindfulness?
- Depression lives in the past.
- Much of our distress comes from focusing on the past or the future and not on the present moment.
- Mindfulness allows for choice.
- Mindfulness is both external and internal.
- Dealing with some of the problems with practicing mindfulness.
Resource:
Book by Marsha Linehan - DBT Skills Training Handouts and Worksheets
Links:
You can find us online at https://bayareadbtcc.com/
Ask Us a Question! We’d love to hear from you! Where are you getting stuck with your skills application? Ask us a question for the chance to have it answered on the podcast. Submit your question here.
Please note that questions, and this podcast in general, are not a substitute for individual mental health treatment.
Are you highly sensitive? And do you struggle with very intense emotions that sometimes overwhelm you? Today, for the first episode of The Skillful Podcast, Marielle will be talking to Ed Fowler, who works with her at the Bay Area DBT and Couples Counseling Center, providing individual DBT therapy, skills group, ACT, and EMDR for the treatment of trauma. In today's episode, Ed and Marielle will be discussing the concept of emotional dysregulation. Listen in to find out more.
Today, Ed and Marielle define emotional dysregulation and they talk about what it feels like to live with really intense emotions. They also discuss the bio-social theory of the foundational concept in DBT. Tune in today, to discover ways to reduce your emotional suffering, improve your relationships, and become more present in your life.
Show Highlights:
- Sometimes, our emotions can become so overwhelming that it leads to a sense of numbness.
- Some people who relate to being emotional dysregulated know what they're feeling all the time, while others are just overwhelmed and go to a place of numbness.
- Some people describe emotional dysregulation as being highly sensitive.
- There are lots of positive aspects to being very sensitive emotionally.
- It's easy for people who feel their emotions very strongly to become overwhelmed by them.
- Emotional dysregulation can be felt when our emotions become overwhelming and we don't know what to do with them.
- It can take a really long time for the extreme emotions to go away and this can cause a lot of suffering.
- It can be really difficult to focus on anything or get anything done when you're feeling these extreme emotions.
- Mood dependent behavior means that your current mood dictates what you're doing.
- People with strong emotions can tend to get into patterns of procrastination or avoidance and sometimes people can feel really stuck or trapped.
- Life becomes chaotic if your current emotion is dictating what you're doing, so that creates a challenging life.
- DBT offers really effective ways to express your emotions.
- DBT helps people feel better in a way that they won't regret the consequences of what they've done to make themselves feel better.
- Extreme emotions sometimes feel as if they will never go away.
- Judging yourself and feeling bad about feeling bad just makes things worse.
- With DBT you learn that things can change and you don't have to be a victim to your strong emotions.
- Other people might not understand the extreme emotional experience of a child and this could lead to the child being invalidated and developing patterns that do not work for them. This can cause confusion and a number of other problems for the child.
- There is almost always a sense of shame associated with either imploding or exploding.
- Ed explains why he really enjoys doing the work in DBT.
- Most people don't have good language around emotion.
- Any kind of childhood abuse is inherently invalidating and messes with the child's sense of reality.
- Caregivers who invalidate a child's intense emotions regularly can actually end up reinforcing more dramatic or explosive behavior in the child.
- A wide range of tools can help people to regulate their intense emotions.
- DBT teaches us that emotions are neither good or bad- they just give us information.
Links:
You can find us online at https://bayareadbtcc.com/
For more information about DBT skills: https://www.guildord.com/author/Marsha-M_Linehan
Ask Us a Question! We’d love to hear from you! Where are you getting stuck with your skills application? Ask us a question for the chance to have it answered on the podcast. Submit your question here.
Please note that questions, and this podcast in general, are not a substitute for individual mental health treatment.