Mood Mammas: Recent Episodes
Sondy and Schwanny
There’s no one right way to life, wife or parent Join Laura Sonderegger "Sondy" and Kiera Schvaneveldt "Schwanny", aunt and niece, bridging generations to pass down wisdom, uptake vitality, take whatever is bringing you down, and lift you up.
Tabletalk with takeaways for an elevated life today!
While most people recognize basic emotions, there is a world of information in our feelings, and even pain or disease signals in the body. Tune in and learn the secrets to understand what your body is trying to tell you. Then discover how to reveal, release, and replace emotions to claim peace and health. Guest: Klurisa Jorgensen.
Recommended Readings:
Louise Hayes, You Can Heal Your Life
Karol Truman, The Body Doesn't Lie
Dr. Bradley Nelson, The Emotion Code and The Body Code
Carol Tuttle, Remembering Wholeness
Laura Sonderegger, Emotional 911:For Parents
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In this episode we discuss all things Marie Kondo - and how to tap into emotions to help you tidy all aspects of your life.
Resources:
https://konmari.com/
http://www.flylady.net/
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Sondy brings some guests to Mood Mammas to facilitate practical hacks for physically and emotionally boosting your immune system at this time of crisis.
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A rewarding relationship should be filled with experiences that create wonderful memories, bring you two closer together, make you laugh and nonverbally say “I love you”. EVERY DAY LOVE AND ROMANCE. www.Mariesgold.com - Marie Wallace is a love-coach and relationship expert with over 25 years of experience in teaching, coaching, and facilitating. There are options for everyone at every budget, from a THE ROMANCE COOKBOOK full of delicious date ideas, to THE (annual) LOVE AND ROMANCE PROJECT conference held in September in Boise, Idaho. The short version she says "We invite people to PLAY, dance and embrace more in their relationships every day." Marie's suggestions: Daily Chats, High-Low Buffalo, Eye Gazing and Writing Notes. Recommended websites: https://bucketlistjourney.net/couples-bucket-list-things-to-do/ https://www.thedatingdivas.com/ https://www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/advice/a31786/100-date-ideas/ https://www.findnicknames.com/couple-nicknames/ https://oneextraordinarymarriage.com/ From the character Beverly Clark in the movie, Shall We Dance - "We need a witness to our lives. There's a billion people on the planet... I mean, what does any one life really mean? But in a marriage, you're promising to care about everything. The good things, the bad things, the terrible things, the mundane things... all of it, all of the time, every day. You're saying 'Your life will not go unnoticed because I will notice it. Your life will not go un-witnessed because I will be your witness'." Tell your significant other you love them every day - use words if necessary.
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Forbes Magazine: The statistics on how many people actually follow through and accomplish their New Year’s resolutions are rather grim. Studies have shown that less than 25% of people actually stay committed to their resolutions after just 30 days, and only 9.2% accomplish them. So, what should you do instead of making New Year's resolutions?
- Change just one of your habits that creates the most change.
- Find your "why" - the real underlying, motivating reason for wanting something
- Pre-commit when your self-control is high - make your goal public, find an accountability buddy
- Set goals, not resolutions
SMART Goals = specific, measurable, attainable, relevant, time-based
FIND YOUR SPARK. Jen Shirkani's book Choose Resilience: Break Out of Your Comfort Zone Using the Power of Emotional Intelligence. Shirkani encourages everyone to find "the spark to move" and has found that "the best way to cultivate that energy is to better understand why you desire the particular change in the first place." Below are the eight common motivators that Shirkani says can help you choose resilience in the face of adversity:
- Recognition
- Challenge
- Opportunity for Growth
- Career Advancement
- Money
- Making a Difference
- Incentives
- Work-Life Balance
Noah St. John's book, AFFORMATIONS. St John points out we were told to use “affirmations” – statements like ”I am rich” or “I am happy” – to create our ideal life. But what happens when you say something like “I am rich“? Your brain responds, “Yeah, right!” And nothing happens. Our brains don't believe it on a subconscious level – where it really counts. And, as a result, you can work hard and still not see results. Instead, add the word "WHY" to an affirmation to set the subconscious to work to find evidence and make things happen. "Why am I so rich?" or "Why am I so happy?" In the past, we may have used why questions in negative ways, now we can flip them for good.
Once you master adding "why" to your affirmations, add the word "easy". Example: "Why is it so EASY to be successful or make new friends?"
To make sure you don't have broken beliefs holding you back - set big, audacious goals and then listen for the voice in your head that tells you why you can't have or don't deserve it. Then you can remind yourself that you are safe, worthy and deserving of happiness and anything else you want to have, be or do in life.
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A Harris poll last year conducted for SunTrust Banks found that 69 percent of survey respondents said they would skip exchanging gifts for the holiday season if their friends and family agreed to it. A majority of those who bought or made gifts said they would spend more time with friends and family if they didn’t have to worry about gifts.
“The survey findings suggest that financial anxiety during the holidays is taking its toll on many Americans and could be a reason for rethinking gift-giving and focusing on other priorities. Forty-three percent of those who spend money on anything related to the holidays said they feel pressured to spend more than they can afford,” SunTrust said in a release about its survey. “If they didn't have to buy gifts, 25 percent would use the money on activities with friends and family, 37 percent would pay down debt and 47 percent would save or invest.”
Shoppers in the U.S. racked up an average of $1,054 of debt Christmas 2018 44% of shoppers racked up more than $1,000 in holiday debt, and 5% accumulated more than $5,000 in debt. Over 25% are still paying off last year's Christmas!
RULES FOR REGIFTING (via Dave Ramsey)
1) the gift should make sense 2) remove all traces of other's gift tags and rewrap 3) don't giveaway items from meaningful people 4) avoid regifting in the same circle of friends 5) give sooner so technology doesn't time out the gift.
Isn’t giving presents supposed to make us happy? 5 types of givers https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/tech-support/201312/the-5-types-gift-givers
- Genuine giver - O Henry’s Gift of the Magi
- Status hound
- Wolf in sheep’s clothing - discriminates/plays favorites
- Power Player - gifts with a message…
- Complainer - complains about what they went through to get or make your gift. (could call this guilt giver…)
Psychologists Tim Kasser and Kennon M. Sheldon analyzed Christmas experiences that could make people feel better and broke it down to seven:
- Time with family
- Religious activities
- Maintaining traditions
- Spending money on gifts
- Receiving gifts
- Helping others
- Sensual enjoyment of the holiday (food and drink)
https://www.laurengreutman.com/3-gift-christmas-rule/Equality approach - each kid gets the same amount spent. Formula = sliding scale based on age.
Easy 3/4 Gift Program: (with maybe a bonus Christmas Eve Pack with PJs and a movie)
- Something They Want
- Something They Need
- Something To Wear (or Do)
- Something To Read
Tips:
Listen Up (get what they actually ask for),
Keep it Simple and Open (gift cards are great),
Create Experiences ( https://www.rd.com/culture/best-experience-gifts/)
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Nostalgia - from the Greek words for home (nostos) and pain (algos) to make nostalgia. Originally thought of as a psychiatric disorder - a form of debilitating homesickness experts currently recognize nostalgia is a positive behavior. According to Dr. Clay Routledge, nostalgia, "increases positive mood, self-esteem, feelings of social connectedness, optimism about the future and perceptions of meaning in life. Furthermore, nostalgia motivates people to focus on cultivating meaningful relationships and pursue important life goals. As people get older, nostalgia makes them feel more youthful and energetic. Nostalgia also reduces existential fears about death."
According to Dena Kemmet, "an additional function of nostalgia may be it's motivating potential. Nostalgia may boost optimism, spark inspiration and foster creativity." In the face of instability, our minds will reach for our positive memories of the past, which tend to be more crystallized than negative or neutral memories.
How nostalgic are you? Researcher and psychologist Krystine Batcho created a nostalgia inventory quiz to determine a person's degree of wistful thinking. A high score indicates a person more attuned to life and more adaptable in the face of unwanted or unpleasant life circumstances.
You can find the quiz at https://www.playbuzz.com/newscientist/a-how-nostalgic-are-you
Benefits of being highly nostalgic:
- Resilience - bounce back from challenges
- Keener sense of who you are
- Stronger sense of community, belonging and connection
- Stress escape - traveling back to a time of our own choosing
- Greater empathy - feeling deeply which helps overcome grief and isolation
- Ability to reframe situations more positively
- Better at reaching goals and problem solving
How to evoke nostalgia without even going "home"
- Listen to songs from past eras
- Watch movies you enjoyed when younger
- Dig out old family pictures, yearbooks or souveniers
- Reminisce with others
- Recruit your sense of smell and taste - "comfort foods"
- Anchor joyful times by calling attention to the memory. Identify you are "making memories"
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Navigating holiday gatherings with relatives can be like a Battle-Royale or Thunderdome. Here are some helpful survival tips!
Martyrdom. No one is a mind reader. Ask for what you need! Kindness - round up instead of down. Respond to questions you don’t want to answer with “When the time’s right” Irrational/Impossible People: Recognize the pattern. Many difficult people have typical operating behaviors such as bullying, acting ice-cold, raising their voice, storming off in a huff, bursting into tears. When you can identify someone’s habitual style of emotional manipulation you are less likely to be blindsided. Instead you can be prepared with a calm response. Practice your Zen - make a commitment to demonstrate poise in situations with difficult people. It takes two people to tug-of-war so let go of your side of the rope. Access Support. Whether imagining a mentor who inspires grace and calm under pressure, or making sure you have a friend or spouse standing by when the tornado arrives - make sure you feel supported. Or vent later to a trusted person. Assume innocence (or stupidity). Choose to give people the benefit of the doubt that they are not INTENTIONALLY trying to make your life miserable - they are simply struggling with their own problems. Keep a sense of humor. Pretend you are collecting material for a comedy show. These crazy moments make the best stories for later! BRENE BROWN - BRAVING (Boundaries, Reliability, Accountability, Vault, Integrity, Non-judgement, Generosity) Dumping: Many of us are sensitive to the moods of others or seem to attract people who want to dump their health challenges or financial and relationship woes on us. Protect yourself by: Shields up. When you see “trouble” coming - imagine a bubble of energy protecting you from their energy (like Violet in The Incredibles) Think “I forgive you for dumping on me” - Offering silent forgiveness when you’re wronged instantly lightens your mood. The benefits are greatest when it’s done quickly. Redirect the negative conversation rather than get drawn in. Validate first then redirect. “Yes, I can imagine that must be annoying. By the way...I’ve been meaning to ask you about…(something else). Or “That sounds rough. But today is about celebrations or gratitude. What is something you’re grateful for?” 1-minute rule. Ask "do you need to vent for a minute?" Validate and move on. Return responsibility to them. Book recommendation: "I don't have to make everything all better" by Gary and Joy Lundgren Shake it off! TAKEAWAY TOOL: Dr Mark Goulston MD, author and FBI hostage negotiation trainer suggests deepening conversations with the FUD tool. FUD stands for frustrated, upset and disappointed. These words invite the person to calm down by taking about concerns underneath seemingly irrational behavior. It’s important to use these words in order! Frustrated: This word seems less accusatory than telling someone they are angry and need to calm down). Say: you sound frustrated - what’s that about? Listen and validate. Upset: “I can understand your frustration. What are you upset about?” This helps them to further get things off their chests. Disappointed: This word disappointed has an almost magically calming effect. Even irrational people focus on the WHAT when asked about being disappointed. Say, “You sound disappointed. What are you disappointed with?” BE INTENTIONAL - Find your fun and keep smiling!
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"60% of all human communication is nonverbal body language; 30% is your tone, so that means 90% of what you're saying ain't coming out of your mouth" - Alex "Hitch" Hitchens (from the movie Hitch.)
1st Level: words
2nd level: non-verbal signals and cues including - eye contact, body movement, gestures, posture (or presence), mirroring touch, facial expressions and physiological changes.
3rd level: Identity
Learn to manage stress for better communication. One of the fastest ways is to employ one or all of your senses - what you hear, smell, see, taste or touch.
https://www.neilsattin.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/01/Top3CommunicationSecrets-NeilSattin.com_.pdf
Neal Satin gives 3 secrets to transform your communication:
1) presence - stay in the present moment
2) a key question - "Will what I'm about to say make my partner feel more or less safe in our relationship?"
3) 7 words - "Did I get it" and "Is there more?" for active listening and confirming understanding.
Being emotionally aware enables you to accurately read other people's verbal and unspoken messages, identify consistencies or incongruities in words and non-verbal signals, and respond in ways that show others you understand and care.
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This episode is still under construction
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Confidence can be described as a belief in oneself, that one has the ability to meet life's challenges and to succeed—and acting in a way that conveys that belief. There isn’t even a single word in the dictionary that defines “a lack of self-confidence.” The key point to be aware of is whether you are self-confident about your ability to succeed or you are self-confident about your ability to fail. Henry Ford said, “If you think you can or think you can’t, you’re right.”
REFRAME situations with the phrase, "And the good news is....." Identify the strength and character building in the challenge you are experiencing.
Robert Rosenthal - Experimenter Expectancy effect. https://psych.wisc.edu/braun/281/Intelligence/LabellingEffects.htm
Expectations (including limiting labels) increase or decrease performance. Goethe said, “Treat people as if they were what they ought to be and help them to become what they are capable of being.” This is also true of what we say and think about ourselves.
Dragon: The Bruce Lee Story https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0106770/
Jia Jang - 100 Days of rejection Ted Talk http://www.ted.com/talks/jia_jiang_what_i_learned_from_100_days_of_rejection
“If you are insecure, guess what? The rest of the world is too. Do not overestimate the competition and underestimate yourself. You are better than you think.” -- T. Harv Eker
Do something that scares you just a little bit - every day. (zones: comfort, growth, and fear)
Work toward a goal. Insecurity feeds on aimless drifting. Dedication to a purpose in life is the fastest way to forget your insecurities and use your strengths for a worthwhile cause. Help someone else...
If we just keep going, despite uncertainty, each success builds further self-confidence. This builds RESILIENCE and strengthens our ability to handle the next challenge that comes our way.
Confidence through POWER POSES, Amy Cuddy Ted Talk. https://www.ted.com/talks/amy_cuddy_your_body_language_shapes_who_you_are?language=en
Baby Steps: Celebrate small victories. At night review your "I did it" list vs the "to do" list.
Be authentic! Dr. Seuss says, “We are all a little weird and life’s a little weird, and when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall in mutual weirdness and call it love.”
Seek out and surround yourself with mentors and people who encourage and lift you.
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Projection is a fascinating phenomenon. Since we are often unable to admit or identify our internal fears, the only way we can find them is to see them in others. We project our own perceived shortcomings onto others. When we judge others we are really judging ourselves.
The world is a giant mirror always reflecting back parts of ourselves. If a person or thing we interact with INFORMS us, we are safe with that trait. On the other hand, if it AFFECTS us, chances are we are a victim of our own projections. It's only when you fear an aspect of yourself that you'll get an emotional charge from someone else's behaviors.
If you look at your list of negative traits you dislike in others, pick one trait and ask yourself these questions:
· Have I ever demonstrated that behavior in the past?
· Am I demonstrating that behavior now?
· Under different circumstances am I capable of demonstrating that behavior?
So how do we shift from judging to healing?
Byron Katie an American author of the book “Loving What Is” created “The Work” which is a simple process of remaining alert to and questioning stressful thoughts.
The Work is a process that involves writing down troubling thoughts and then asking four questions: (1) Is it true? (2) Can I absolutely know it is true? (3) How do I react when I think that thought? (4) Who would I be without the thought?
And then the turnaround….(Find the worksheets and guidelines at www.thework.com)
She suggests that when we have an emotional reaction to someone or feel judgment and label a person’s behavior I could simply ask myself, “IS THAT TRUE?” Can I absolutely know that’s true? Or What would happen if it wasn’t true.
More importantly, Katie challenges us to ask “How do I react when I think that thought?” What is my self talk, what is my physical reaction?
And then she invites us to imagine who we would be without that thought. Taking responsibility for our response allows us to let go of excuses or blaming others, drop the pain of the past and harness the power to change our story.
Old patterns of limitations and physical problems are a call for change. Limitation is not our Divine Pattern. As we let go of the negative we create space for the positive to replace with ease.
Projection can also be a positive phenomenon. The qualities you listed for people you respect are projections of things you want to become - or are becoming. So instead of putting yourself down with phrases like I'm not ______ or I can't ______ I want you to transform the limiting statements with a little 3 letter word - YET (and physical action of hang loose Y hand).
Takeaways:
- Remember, any quality we see in others that bothers us is an opportunity to look at healing a limiting label or broken belief.
- Do “the work” to see things as they really are. Find a way to turnaround so you can have peace of mind and body
- Whose Business Are You In? Byron Katie’s stresses are three kinds of business: “mine, yours, and God’s.” Suffering happens when we get out of our own business and into someone else’s, including God’s.
- Look for mentors and heroes you can emulate - giving yourself the grace to achieve with the word “Yet”
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Psychologists generally define forgiveness as a conscious, deliberate decision to release feelings of resentment or vengeance toward a person or group who has harmed you, regardless of whether they actually deserve your forgiveness. ... Forgiveness does not mean forgetting, nor does it mean condoning or excusing offenses. https://greatergood.berkeley.edu
“To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that prisoner was you. - Lewis B. Smedes
Live life in the present, not the past. Your past history and all of your hurts are no longer here in your physical reality. Don’t allow them to be here in your mind, muddying your present moments.
Our life is like a play with several acts. Some of the characters who enter have short roles to play, others, much larger. Some are villains and others are good guys. Embrace them all, for their role in shaping who you are, and move on to the next act.
“Forgive others, not because they deserve forgiveness, … but because you deserve peace.” - Jonathan Lockwood Huie
The Risk of Holding on to Anger: Karen Swarts, Doctor and Director of Mood Disorders Adult Consultation Clinic @ The Johns Hopkins Hospital explains; “There is an enormous physical burden to being hurt and disappointed.” “Chronic anger puts you into fight-or-flight mode, which results in numerous changes in the heart rate, blood pressure and immune response. Those changes then, increase the risk of depression, heart disease, and diabetes, among other conditions.” “Research also points to Forgiveness and the health connection, as you age.”
Studies over the past two decades have found that the act of forgiveness can reap huge rewards for your health; lowering risk of heart attack, improving cholesterol levels, reducing pain, as well as levels of anxiety, depression, and stress - increasing feelings of wellbeing.
Taking responsibility means that you’re willing to say, “I may not understand why I feel this way, why I have this illness, why I’ve been victimized, or why I had this accident, but I’m willing to accept it as part of my journey.
When we take responsibility for having the experience, then we have a chance to also take responsibility for removing it or learning from it. Discover what its message is for you. If, on the other hand, we choose to blame someone or something else then we find ourselves waiting until they change for us to get better. And since that is unlikely to occur we are left waiting with nothing.
Be kind instead of right. Send love. Parable about a wall with white and black birds.
Antidote for resentment- Suggested Book – The Gentle Art of Blessing by Pierre Pradervand.
To bless means to wish, unconditionally and from the deepest chamber of your heart, unrestricted good for others and events; it means to hallow, to hold in reverence, to behold with awe that which is always a gift from the Creator. He who is hallowed by your blessing is set aside, consecrated, holy, whole. To bless is to invoke divine care upon, to speak or think gratefully for, to confer happiness upon, although we ourselves are never the bestower, but simply the joyful witnesses of life's abundance. It's impossible to bless and judge at the same time.
To bless is the ultimate act of giving and forgiving.
Pradervand's original pamphlet ended with "P. S. And of course, above all, do not forget to bless the utterly beautiful person you are."
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"Daring to set boundaries is about having the courage to love ourselves, even when we risk disappointing others." ~Brene Brown
Sometimes I think boundaries get a bad wrap. Boundaries actually help us define ownership - who I am, what is my responsibility. Just like a screen door, they keep the good in and the bad out. We are the ones who set the boundary and when we don’t clearly mark our boundary that’s where we can get into trouble. Remember that our boundaries are ours to enforce. It is not the other person’s job to guess or try to read your mind as to your needs and desires.
Do we know:
- how to tell when our boundaries have been violated?
- when to say yes?
- How to say no?
- How to confront someone and draw a boundary with them, or ourselves?
The body doesn’t lie: microbes are attracted to emotional states: Invasion of boundaries = vulnerable to parasites. Resentment = fungal invasions (including candida and yeast infections).
How to say yes - “I’d love to, or thanks for asking AND Let me check my calendar and get back with you
How to say no - “That’s not going to work for me”
What might be some reasons you can’t speak up? Broken beliefs or fears.
How to create a boundary: confrontation vs conflict resolution.
People only respect the boundaries they know are there. We train people how to treat us.
Try using the Rule of 3. Speak using "I" messages vs "You" messages.
Boundaries are for everyone’s benefit. Healthy boundaries create healthy relationships. Healthy relationships give way to peaceful happy living.
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You must know yourself before you can discover who you are.
Find: discover who you are. What do you do every day? Most people tend to spend time on the things they like to do more than the things they don’t like. People gravitate toward things they’re naturally good at doing.
Personality Tests:Myers Briggs, DISC, Berkley Emotional Intelligence, Cerries Mooney, What color is your parachute, (and others abound of facebook…)
Two other favs… Enneagram (9 types) and Dressing your truth (Carol Tuttle)
Free Personality Tests:
https://www.16personalities.com/
https://enneagramtest.net/
https://cerriesmooney.com/how-to-complete-the-test/
https://my.liveyourtruth.com/dyt/could-this-quiz-tell-you-your-type/
https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/quizzes/embed/ei_quiz
Find: natural curiosity -
How things work, or a better way to do something
Find: You or someone you care about has a need
HOW DO WE Develop?:
1) Leverage strengths - What are your natural gifts and strengths? https://high5test.com/strengthsfinder-free/
Strengthfinders test by Clifton Strengths. 34 Types of strengths.
So many strengths we can draw from: focus, responsibility, harmony, achiever, belief, connectedness, arranger, deliberate, futuristic, self-assurance, adaptability, analytical, positivity
IMPORTANT to remember: Perfectionism is not a strength!!!
2) embrace your differences
“Comparison is the thief of joy”
Flying your freak flag makes it easier to find your tribe.
3) pursue with persistence
In Malcolm Gladwell’s book, Outliers suggests that it takes about 10,000 hour rule to become an expert or world class.
Key: Meaningful work – If you feel there is real purpose to your work, it’s more likely you will work hard and find joy in the process...
What about fear of failure?
In her book Mindset, Stanford psychologist, Carol Dweck showed through her research that mindset is more important than innate ability.
If a person believes her talent is inborn, she’ll give up quickly after any failure or setback. But if someone believes her talent grows with persistence and effort, she will work to master the challenge. We can change our results by changing our mindset.
According to the late David McClelland, psychologist and Harvard researcher, if you want to increase your performance set high goals where you have only a 50-70 percent chance of success. That’s the sweet spot for high achievers. When we are willing to risk failing half the time and apply a growth mindset – we analyze what we can do differently and try again. That’s practice. That’s growth.
Pick a word of the year! MY Word of the year: JUMP (joyfully unlocking my passion, purpose and potential)
“May you always do what you are afraid to do.”
Have FUN! Fun is motivating.
Today’s Takeaways: Take a personality test. Ask friends what 3 qualities they admire in you and look for the intersections or overlap. Make an Odyssey Journey plan - pick 3 potential paths and try them on for size.
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Listen to the wisdom of the body - both gut and brain
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First aid becomes useless if you can't safely perform it without injuring yourself.
Continual caregiving can take a toll on our physical, mental, and emotional strength. Stress, anxiety, excessive worrying, irrational fears, depression, sleep disruption, and physical problems are not just experienced by a child in crisis, but often by parents, too. Remember, we can’t take care of others if we don’t take care of ourselves.
Our first instinct as humans is to sacrifice ourselves to save a loved one who is hurting or in danger. Seeing our floundering child, and heedless of the hazards, we blindly dive to the rescue.
Fully immersed, with our child desperately clinging to us, we no longer have the capacity to keep ourselves - and our child - above water. It feels as if our child pushes off us to propel themselves above water, while we sink deeper and deeper below the surface. Once in the water, we often get sucked into a whirlpool of pain, shame or blame.
Living in Idaho near some of the world’s best whitewater rafting, I have observed when river-rafting guides rescue someone who has fallen into the water, the guide stays in the boat. Using a special rescue bag, a lifeline is thrown to the person who is in trouble from the ideal position of being able to give the most help. These lifelines provide a means to rescue someone in a difficult situation. If you find yourself out of the boat and floundering in the water, grab one of these 3 lifelines back to safety. Lifeline One: “Everything is going to be okay.”
One of the primary steps of first aid is to make sure the person in crisis is breathing. Take a second, breathe deeply, and embrace this phrase: “Everything is going to be okay.”
Lifeline Two: Put on your own oxygen mask first.
This airplane rule of safety ensures survival in real life as well. You won’t be able to love, serve, strengthen, and support if you don’t maintain your own health.
Give yourself permission to carve out a few minutes for self-care each day. Recharging your physical and emotional batteries can look like many things: regular exercise, a healthy diet, increased sleep, and finding things that spark joy for you. It means spending time (even just ten minutes), EVERY SINGLE DAY on a renewal activity. Discover what works best for you!
Remember, self-care shows up in conversations as well. Make sure to "Lead With What You Need" and remember when we say "yes" to someone else, we have to evaluate if that’s a "no" to ourselves. While you may not be advertising to the world that you are in Survival Mode, you can create personal boundaries of space and time. A useful phrase to avoid accepting an assignment or invitation, without explanation, is simply: “That’s not going to work for me.”
Self-care IS taking care of others. By strapping on your own oxygen mask first, you ensure that you have the life-saving vitality to give from a position of strength rather than one of weakness. Lifeline three: Paddle Together. It’s not uncommon to feel like our child’s struggle is a family secret that can’t be shared with others. Sometimes, shame plays out in our heads and makes us afraid to look like a parenting failure.
There is no shame in needing or asking for support. As you do, you will be surprised at how many others have struggled or are currently struggling, with similar concerns. Courage doesn’t always come from within. Sometimes courage comes from the support we feel from others.
(Duracell Moments of Warmth Campaign link: https://youtu.be/x1mNkHFjS1s)
No matter the need, you are not alone! Working together, we can make an unbearable situation bearable.
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When my child was hurting emotionally, I felt helpless to relieve either her suffering or mine. Feeling overwhelmed and confused, I desperately wished for crisis tools to bring immediate relief, while we also worked to resolve the root issues.
This podcast is for you, if you:
· feel engulfed with the present emotional needs and demands of your child
· require resources to remedy previous emotionally-damaging incidents or situations experienced by your child
· desire healthy attachment and closer communication with your child
· want to foster confidence, emotional resilience, and a growth mindset in your child
· yearn to improve your parenting skills and restore balance to your life
If you are seeking emotional first aid tools you can use, whether in crisis or everyday parenting, I will hold your hand and show you how to find help, hope, and happiness again.
Courage doesn’t always come from within. Sometimes courage comes from the support we feel from others. One of my favorite YouTube videos shows a bus stop in Montreal, Canada, outfitted with heaters which can only be powered by human connection. Part of an advertising campaign for Duracell, a banner reads: “In Canada, we have cold winters, but we also have each other” (Duracell Canada Moments of Warmth surprise bus shelter, 2015).
By placing palms against sensors on opposite walls and then holding hands, two or more people can create a human chain to complete the circuit. This triggers heat from the vents in the shelter’s ceiling.
Working together, we can make an unbearable situation bearable.
Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/laura-sond/message