This Spoken World: Recent Episodes
Thomas Sebald
We live in a spoken world... a world that is shaped by stories and storytellers. Join Thomas Sebald as he takes you through stories that have shaped our world, one chapter at a time.
"Dead men don't bite..."
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“And there’s an end to Captain Silver!...”
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"What hope had I left of reaching land?..."
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“But one man of her crew alive,
What put to sea with seventy-five...”
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"If I am right, he’s going now to see Ben Gunn..."
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"Out, lads, out, and fight ’em in the open!..."
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“We want that treasure, and we’ll have it..."
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“First ship that ever I lost...”
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“Strike my colours! No, sir, not I...”
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"Israel was Flint’s gunner...”
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“Jim Hawkins is gone...”
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“Well, I don’t understand one word that you’ve been saying, but that’s neither here nor there..."
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“It’s a black conscience that can make you feared of me..."
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"Now, we’ve only one man to rely on.”
“And who is that?”
“Silver, sir...”
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“Hawkins, I put prodigious faith in you...”
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"A brave lad you were, and smart too, and a finer figurehead for a gentleman of fortune I never clapped my eyes on..."
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“Pieces of eight! Pieces of eight! Pieces of eight!”
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"I don’t like treasure voyages on any account, and I don’t like them, above all, when they are secret, and when the secret has been told to the parrot..."
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“You and me should get on well, Hawkins..."
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"I engaged him on the spot to be ship’s cook. Long John Silver, he is called, and has lost a leg..."
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"The doctor opened the seals with great care, and there fell out the map of an island..."
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"Oh, shiver my soul!...”
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"It was like any other seaman’s chest on the outside..."
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"At one look the rum went out of him and left him staring sober..."
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"You know an old shipmate, Bill, surely..."
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“Fifteen men on the dead man’s chest—
Yo-ho-ho, and a bottle of rum!
Drink and the devil had done for the rest—
Yo-ho-ho, and a bottle of rum!”
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"So we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past.."
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“They’re a rotten crowd. You’re worth the whole damn bunch put together...”
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“What kind of a row are you trying to cause in my house anyhow?...”
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“Can’t repeat the past? Why of course you can!...”
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"No amount of fire or freshness can challenge what a man can store up in his ghostly heart..."
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“There are only the pursued, the pursuing, the busy, and the tired...”
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"It was one of those rare smiles with a quality of eternal reassurance in it, that you may come across four or five times in life. It faced—or seemed to face—the whole eternal world for an instant, and then concentrated on you with an irresistible prejudice in your favour. It understood you just so far as you wanted to be understood, believed in you as you would like to believe in yourself, and assured you that it had precisely the impression of you that, at your best, you hoped to convey..."
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"Neither of them can stand the person they’re married to...”
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"Gatsby? What Gatsby?"
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Special guest Susie Duecker tells the story of a runaway princess disguised as a kitchen maid, with a cloak made from the fur of a thousand creatures...
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"My mother killed her little son...
My father grieved when I was gone...
My sister loved me best of all...
She laid her kerchief over me
And took my bones that they may lie
Underneath the juniper tree...
Kywitt! Kywitt!
What a beautiful bird am I!"
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Special guest Maya Danks tells the story of a beautiful maiden tormented by an evil stepmother and stepsisters... and by the legendary witch Baba Yaga...
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Special guest Maura Atwood tells the story of a young man whose dearest wish is to find out what it means to shudder...
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"If during that time you tell me my name, you shall keep your child..."
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An (unconfirmed) sequel to Hansel and Gretel...
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Before the Justice League, before the Avengers, there were... these guys?...
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“Dear me–why, I’ve lost half an hour this morning!”
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The classic story of a disgruntled fairy, a cursed princess, an enchanted sleep, and a magical kiss...
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"The floor was all covered with blood..."
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The story of a helpful dwarf, three magical gifts, a crafty princess, three old soldiers who only want to retire in peace, a two fruit trees with very strangely specific powers...
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"Let it cost what it may..."
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There are some key details missing from this version of the story:
-
Hansel fools the witch into thinking that he's not getting any fatter by taking advantage of her poor eyesight, sticking a bone out through the bars of his cage whenever she comes to check his plumpness.
-
Hansel and Gretel both regain their strength during their imprisonment because Hansel shares his food with Gretel when the witch isn't looking.
-
GRETEL. PUSHES. THE. WITCH. INTO. THE. OVEN.
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“Be comforted. The evil days are past..."
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"You can find something better than death everywhere..."
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"Conan put his back against the wall and lifted his ax. He stood like an image of the unconquerable primordial—legs braced far apart, head thrust forward, one hand clutching the wall for support, the other gripping the ax on high, with the great corded muscles standing out in iron ridges, and his features frozen in a death snarl of fury—his eyes blazing terribly through the mist of blood which veiled them..."
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"On the broad blade was carven a symbol—the outline of a phoenix..."
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"It was of a metal like copper, and was made in the form of a scaled serpent, coiled in three loops, with its tail in its mouth. Its eyes were yellow gems which glittered balefully..."
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"I had prepared myself to take the crown, not to hold it..."
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"Hither came Conan, the Cimmerian, black-haired, sullen- eyed, sword in hand, a thief, a reaver, a slayer, with gigantic melancholies and gigantic mirth, to tread the jeweled thrones of the Earth under his sandalled feet..."
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“You are young, and your bitter recollections have time to change themselves into sweet remembrances...”
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"You are a demon escaped from hell, whither we send you back again..."
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"Your crimes have wearied men on earth and God in heaven. If you know a prayer, say it..."
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“Patience! One of our party is still wanting...”
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“Oh, it was in vain she told me you would not come!..."
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"Commend me to the cardinal."
"Commend me to Satan..."
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"Are we rivals?..."
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“You terrify me, Athos! My God! what do you fear?”
“Everything...”
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“Be careful of your life, which is menaced, and which will be dear to me from the moment I am not obliged to see an enemy in you..."
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"God has made them senseless..."
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"Demons do not die so easily..."
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"Do you not see that each of your words burns me like molten lead?..."
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"Has this woman been relating her crimes to you? In that case I can comprehend the length of the conversation...”
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“The hand of the Lord is stretched over him. He will not escape the chastisement he deserves...”
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"Did anybody order you to prevent that woman from singing?..."
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"If I had listened to you..."
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"Whose, then, is the air we breathe? Whose is the ocean upon which we look? Whose is the sand upon which we were reclining? Whose is that letter of your mistress? Do these belong to the cardinal? Upon my honor, this man fancies the world belongs to him..."
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"All our secrets will remain in the family...”
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"It was one of those rare and beautiful days in winter when England remembers that there is a sun..."
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"Nothing makes the future look so bright as surveying it through a glass..."
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"Nothing is more disagreeable than being disturbed when one is at breakfast..."
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"Gentlemen, a wager!"
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"Do not touch with the tip of your finger a single hair of d’Artagnan, who is a faithful friend whom I love and defend, or I swear to you by the head of my father the crime which you shall have endeavored to commit, or shall have committed, shall be the last..."
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"Life for life, man for man; give me one, I will give you the other...”
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"I shall have an escort to excite envy in his Majesty, if we should meet him...”
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“D’Artagnan, how could you believe that we had made a disturbance?...”
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“I need four men of good will who will risk being killed with me!”
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“You have done that which you ought to have done, d’Artagnan... but perhaps you have been wrong...”
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"All four set forward; Athos upon a horse he owed to a woman, Aramis on a horse he owed to his mistress, Porthos on a horse he owed to his procurator’s wife, and d’Artagnan on a horse he owed to his good fortune--the best mistress possible..."
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"Nevermore..."
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"I shall ever bear about me a memory of the many solemn hours I thus spent alone with the master of the House of Usher..."
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"...to deny what is, and to explain what is not..."
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“Tell me, for Heaven’s sake, the method—if method there is—by which you have been enabled to fathom my soul in this matter!...”
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"Let no bell toll!"
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"You fancy me mad. Madmen know nothing..."
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HAPPY 100 EPISODES!
"All these and security were within. Without was the 'Red Death'"...
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"All that we see or seem
Is but a dream within a dream..."
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"May he rest in peace..."
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"While from a proud tower in the town
Death looks gigantically down..."
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"To this hour the image of Carmilla returns to my memory..."
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"My satisfaction was changed to dismay on discovering that there were no tidings of Carmilla..."
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"She called herself... Carmilla?..."
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"How came the village to be deserted?"
"It was troubled by revenants, sir..."
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"I would consent to take charge of her daughter during her absence..."
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"Her mother called her by the odd name of Millarca..."
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"You believe in nothing but what consists with your own prejudices and illusions. I remember when I was like you, but I have learned better..."
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"You mentioned a sensation like that of two needles piercing the skin, somewhere about your neck..."
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"Have you ever been suspected of walking in your sleep?..."
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"Your mother warns you to beware of the assassin..."
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"I had a dream that night that was the beginning of a very strange agony..."
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"I have been in love with no one, and never shall, unless it should be with you..."
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"First--Her name was Carmilla...
Second--Her family was very ancient and noble...
Third--Her home lay in the direction of the west..."
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"Young people like, and even love, on impulse..."
Warning: This episode contains a brief but overtly racist description of a character's appearance.
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By the light of the moon, a stranger arrives...
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Before Bram Stoker, there was Joseph Sheridan LeFanu... and before Dracula, there was... C A R M I L L A ...
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incommode. verb (-moded, -moding, modes). --(formal) to inconvenience someone.
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"The young man now knew her secret, her terrible secret--the secret she concealed even from her maid with such care, the secret of which all the world was ignorant, except himself..."
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"You know how to represent things in such a way that you are always in the right..."
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"If rage or sorrow ever torture the heart, it is when a lover receives under a name which is not his own protestations of love addressed to his happy rival..."
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"I gave you advice, which naturally you took care not to adopt..."
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"He was wounded in his self-love... He thought that it was in his love..."
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In which Porthos gets everything and nothing he desires...
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"One plays with anybody; but one fights only with equals..."
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"Three? Marvelous! That falls out oddly! Three is just my number!"
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"As Porthos had first found an idea, and had thought of it earnestly afterward, he was the first to act..."
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In which which financial responsibility is not one of the qualifications for becoming a musketeer...
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“The image of devastation and death reigned as over a field of battle...”
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“Vous qui pleurez un passe plein de charmes, Et qui trainez des jours infortunes, Tous vos malheurs se verront termines, Quand a Dieu seul vous offrirez vos larmes, Vous qui pleurez!”
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"I was conducting some friends, Musketeers, one of whom had a dispute with a stranger..."
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“Don’t you think, monsieur, that woods are like churches? Because we dare not speak aloud in one or the other...”
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"Do not lull yourself in security, or you will be lost; but, on the contrary, see enemies in all directions..."
(Warning: This episode contains an instance where a character makes anti-semitic remarks.)
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In which the queen takes great delight in making the cardinal sweat...
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"The end justified the means, as you Frenchmen say, does it not?"
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"This began to be annoying..."
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"Is life worth the trouble of so many questions?"
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"You are in trouble, of which I am very glad, as it gives me an opportunity of placing myself at your service..."
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"You are not angry with me?”
“Not the least in the world...”
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"It is not known whether it was the devil who gave way, or the monks who grew tired..."
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"Well, everybody seems to have passed the evening with you..."
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“That is exactly what I was going to say, if your Eminence had let me finish my sentence...”
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“Somebody said to me, ‘You are Monsieur d’Artagnan?’ I answered, ‘You think so?’ My guards exclaimed that they were sure of it. I did not wish to contradict them; besides, I might be deceived.”
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In which a single gift causes so many problems that our heroes will need 46 more chapters to solve them all.
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In which d'Artagnan progresses the plot by being an insufferable horny bastard.
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"Can I be so lucky as to find what everybody is seeking for?”
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"All for one! One for all!"
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"Pardon me for interrupting you, but it appears to me that that name is familiar to me.”
“Possibly, monsieur. I am your landlord.”
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In which be get to know our heroes at a more personal (if somewhat superficial) level...
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“Come in; I am going to scold you.”
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"Gentlemen, allow me to correct your words, if you please. You said you were but three, but it appears to me we are four..."
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"At least, if I am killed, I shall be killed by a Musketeer..."
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"Beware, young man! If you see him coming on one side of the street, pass by on the other. Do not cast yourself against such a rock; he would break you like glass."
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"These fellows will all either be imprisoned or hanged... and I, no doubt, with them..."
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"In conscience, I cannot kill him; and yet, he annoys me..."
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"...he met in the antechamber three young men, serving in the illustrious corps into which he was soliciting the honor of being received, bearing the names of Athos, Porthos, and Aramis."
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"Your Silver Shoes will carry you over the desert. If you had known their power you could have gone back to your Aunt Em the very first day you came to this country..."
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"It is useless to fight people with shooting heads; NO one can withstand them!..."
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"Welcome, O King of Beasts! You have come in good time to fight our enemy and bring peace to all the animals of the forest once more..."
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"There are worse things in the world than being a Scarecrow..."
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"The trees seem to have made up their minds to fight us..."
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"Nobody has ever crossed the desert, unless it is Oz himself..."
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"It is quite beyond my powers to make a cyclone; but I've been thinking the matter over, and I believe I can make a balloon..."
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"How can I help being a humbug, when all these people make me do things that everybody knows can't be done?"
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"Exactly so! I am a humbug."
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"Why don't you use the charm of the Cap, and call the Winged Monkeys to you?..."
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"We must go back to Oz, and claim his promise..."
This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app
"Ep-pe, pep-pe, kak-ke! Hil-lo, hol-lo, hel-lo! Ziz-zy, zuz-zy, zik!"
This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app
"I am Oz, the Great and Terrible. Who are you, and why do you seek me?..."
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"I have never been permitted to see the Great Oz, nor do I know of any living person who has seen him..."
This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app
"This funny tin man killed the Wildcat and saved my life. So hereafter you must all serve him, and obey his slightest wish..."
This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app
"I always did like flowers. They seem so helpless and frail. But there are none in the forest so bright as these..."
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"One would almost suspect you had brains in your head, instead of straw..."
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"My life is simply unbearable without a bit of courage..."
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"But, after all, brains are not the best things in the world..."
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"There is no place like home..."
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"If anyone treads on my toes or sticks a pin into me, it doesn't matter, for I can't feel it. But I do not want people to call me a fool..."
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"In the civilized countries I believe there are no witches left, nor wizards, nor sorceresses, nor magicians. But, you see, the Land of Oz has never been civilized, for we are cut off from all the rest of the world. Therefore we still have witches and wizards amongst us."
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"There came a great shriek from the wind, and the house shook so hard that she lost her footing and sat down suddenly upon the floor.
"Then a strange thing happened..."
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"The public hiss at me, but I cheer myself when in my own house I contemplate the coins in my strong-box..."
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"You may consider me to be a murderer; but I hold that I am just as much an officer of justice as you are..."
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"If there was nothing else left to him, he could at least devote his life to revenge..."
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"Twenty-nine days are given you for amendment, and then——"
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"Upon this one point your whole faith shall be tested..."
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"There are few who cannot recall that day and remember the one little incident which heralded the dawn of a new life..."
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"We have come to seek a refuge from the violent man and from the godless, even though it be the heart of the desert..."
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"It is a mistake to confound strangeness with mystery..."
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"To a great mind, nothing is little."
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"The plot thickens..."
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"You know a conjuror gets no credit when once he has explained his trick, and if I show you too much of my method of working, you will come to the conclusion that I am a very ordinary individual after all..."
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"They say that genius is an infinite capacity for taking pains. It’s a very bad definition, but it does apply to detective work."
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"I have a trade of my own. I suppose I am the only one in the world. I’m a consulting detective, if you can understand what that is."
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"It’s just as well for two fellows to know the worst of one another before they begin to live together..."
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"Water, water everywhere, and not a drop to drink..."
This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app