The Dr. Claudia Show: Recent Episodes
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The Dr. Claudia Show offers advice and real life solutions for your life and your relationships - friends, family, marriage, parenting.
Dr. Claudia's :60 Second Parenting Pointers offers parenting advice and solutions for your family. Dr. Claudia McCulloch teaches you to raise happier, healthier, and well adjusted kids. Learning to parent and educate your child properly will provide you and your family a more peaceful and empowering home environment.
Do different occupations drive differently?
Have you ever looked at people driving cars and wonder what they do for a living? Think their occupations have anything to do with their driving style? It does. Makes sense, right? Let’s take the medical profession. Does a dermatologist drive differently than a surgeon? A study that focused on fast driving, luxury car owners and their medical specialty gave us the answers. All of this information was learned during speeding traffic stops. As it turns out, orthopedists are the fastest drivers. Psychiatrists are next, followed by general surgeons, who are being tailgated by cardiologists, who, incidentally, drive the most expensive cars. It makes sense that personality is a major factor in choosing professions, and those personality factors influence driving styles. Hmmm…I wonder if NASCAR drivers speed on the interstate?
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Your childhood lunchbox
Remember that lunchbox you carried to school? Or, did you have a brown paper bag like me? The one that was reused until it became too tired to safely carry my sandwich anymore. Maybe you had one of those cool domed Disney School Bus domed metal boxes. Wow! Six million were sold from the early 1960’s. Lunchboxes designed for kids hit the market in 1902. They were shaped like a picnic basket and had pictures of kids playing on it. Designer lunchboxes hit the market big time in 1950 when the tv cowboy Hopalong Cassidy was featured. Dr. Seuss was one of the few celebrities allowed to design his own. So fun! But, the party was over when, in 1987, parents’ groups started complaining that metal lunchboxes could be used as weapons. It’s always something, isn’t it?
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Teens share too much online
Think your teen isn’t sharing private information online? Think again. Just because your little darling is very smart and seems mature for her age, don’t think she has the wisdom and judgment she needs to protect herself. But, it’s not just her. About 75% of teens, ages 13 to 17, report that they’ve given their full birth date, address and importantly, the school they attend. They’re so accustomed to sharing everything with their friends that their awareness isn’t as sharp as it might otherwise be. While they think they don’t share too much, most of them think their friends share way too much personal info. Sit them down once a month and talk about what they can share safely and the data they cannot share. Make sure they understand that their personal information is also the family’s personal information and careless sharing could endanger the family.
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A messy kitchen can make you fat
Is your kitchen a disorganized mess? If so, it might be adding to your waistline. People with chaotic kitchens frequently have out-of-control feelings of stress that make them hungry. Their thoughts go something like this...”Life is hard. I’m really stressed. I deserve a treat”. Oh yeah, and what happens next? They get really stressed again and they go looking for food in their totally messed up kitchens. We get good at what we practice and when we practice feeling sorry for ourselves, we might just dive into that carton of ice cream. Then, we feel terrible and the kitchen doesn’t get cleaned up and neither does the rest of the house. We feel out of control and the kitchen is screaming at you saying, “You’re out of control. Just look at me!” Women who feel stressed eat twice as many snacks in a chaotic kitchen as those in a quiet, organized space. Clean up your kitchen. Quiet your mind and lose weight.
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Marijuana in dispensaries is stronger
Got a prescription for pot? If you get that filled at a medical marijuana dispensary, you’re likely to get a stronger dose than the doctor prescribed. A lot stronger. Doctors typically prescribe 5% THC and a survey of products at dispensaries revealed that the THC level is at 10%. Side effects such as anxiety and paranoia, plus the tendency to develop a tolerance, increases with dosage. Don’t think you can inhale a little less to offset the increase in THC, because a single puff of a potent cannabis product could put you over the edge. You got the pot because you’re anxious and yikes, your anxiety has skyrocketed and now, you’re a little paranoid. You’re miserable. If this happens, call your doctor. Perhaps your dispensary can make changes so that the THC is closer to 5% so you can benefit from it.
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Are middle names necessary?
How many people know your middle name? Are you ashamed of it, delighted by it? Middle names are phasing out. 125 years ago, most Congressmen used their middle initial and now, most don’t. But that’s Congress. In ancient Roman times, only the elite had middle names. The first name was for the individual and the last was for the family. The middle name was a nickname of sorts. Come the 1200’s in Italy, only the upper class had middle names, but that didn’t last long. Two hundred years later, middle names became popular among all people. The middle name offers an advantage to help us stand out amongst others with whom we share our first and last names. In our current society, we’ve become numbers and that’s how the system tells the difference. If you’ve given your child a name that they don’t love, they can always use their middle name. Just a thought.
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Women with thinning hair
Disney princesses. Hollywood celebrities. Yep, they’ve set us up to believe that all women should have full, lush hair. The way it works is that when we reach 30, about a third of us will have noticeably thinning hair. It’s normal to lose between 50 and 100 hairs every day, but if you start losing upwards of 150 hairs, you’ll notice. The condition also includes hair miniaturization which means that your hairs will have a smaller diameter. At that point, you’re well into the female pattern of hair loss. You can’t avoid it. It’s inherited from your Mom or Dad. The good news is that you won’t go bald and your hairline won’t recede. But, hair loss starts at the crown and you’ll see a widening of the part. Early treatment gives the best results. See your doctor right now to get Rogaine. You’ll be using it the rest of your life or the loss will continue.
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They apologized, but I’m still really mad
Your feelings are really hurt. They apologized, but you’re still angry. Was the apology all it should’ve been? There are 5 critical elements of a “healing apology” that ease the hurt and repair the relationship. One, the offender must acknowledge the reasons for your pain and own their actions. Two, they must accept blame instead of putting it on you with that, “Gee, I’m sorry your feelings are hurt” stuff. Three, they don’t take an accusatory stance. Four, the apology isn’t conditional. There are no strings attached. And five, the entire apology effort doesn’t leave you feeling worse about yourself. If you’re still angry, then there are issues that need to be addressed. Does this person treat you poorly way too much? Is the relationship unhealthy? If you’re still angry, accept that it’s valid and take action. Apologizing fully and sincerely is an art. Teach your children well.
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The most unusual jobs in America
There’s a job for everyone, I guess. Some “unusual jobs” are more unusual than others. Would you like to be a professional snuggler? They make upwards of $80 for a 90-minute snuggle. How about a golf ball diver or a pet food taster? Would you prefer to test beds or sniff paper towels to see if they have just the right scent for your kitchen? Hate to wait in line? You can pay someone to do that for you. If you’re a kid at heart, you can test water slides. Love skin care products? Companies always need people to feel customers’ faces to see if there’s any improvement. If you have beautiful hands or a perfect body, you can be a body part model. Even if you have ugly hands or feet, you’re hired! And finally, if you’re really brave, you can be an armpit sniffer for deodorant manufacturers. There is truly a job for everyone!
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Sitting up straight and crossing your arms works wonders
Science proved it. When you’re faced with a challenging task, people who sat up straight and crossed their arms stayed with it for nearly twice as long as those who didn’t assume such a determined stance. When you change body postures, breathing patterns, muscle tension, facial expressions, gestures, movements, words and even vocal tones, there’s a surge of chemicals that change our internal state. The same thing happens when you smile. Smiling can trick your mind into feeling happy, simply by moving your facial muscles. Smiling activates a positive series of reactions in the brain. When your muscles say you’re happy, you’re more likely to have positive experiences with others. Facial expressions contribute to how you feel, they don’t cause feelings. So, control the controllable and “assume the position” of happiness or confidence when you’re faced with difficult situations.
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Will bank buildings become obsolete?
Most Americans think bank buildings will become a thing of the past in the near future. Why? The digital age has revolutionized the banking industry. About 27% of Millennials, ages 23 to 38, have never been in a bank and make all of their transactions electronically. Not only can business be conducted fast and easy, but all of the records are online. No more paper chase. It’s not just the Millennials that think banks are quickly becoming a thing of the past. Nearly 70% of Baby Boomers believe that brick-and-mortar facilities are outdated. We’re quickly becoming comfortable about not having a physical building in our neighborhood. Banks and tellers may not disappear for a while yet, so enjoy while you can. And, start educating yourselves about the values and risks of online transactions. Don’t wait ‘til your local bank is a pile of rubble.
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What is the happiest time in a marriage?
Every marriage has its own season. It can’t be all rainbows and champagne every day, but, many marriages enjoy specific periods of time that seem to bring the greatest satisfaction. The happiest time in a marriage is said to be 11 months and 8 days after the wedding. All of life is fresh, new and exciting. About 2 years and 4 months in, couples enjoy the height of intimacy. At about 2½ years, wives are satisfied with the attention they’ve received in terms of compliments, gifts and flowers. Men helping with household chores peaks just before the 3rd anniversary and after that, something special happens. Couples feel completely comfortable with each other and have a clear path for their future. It takes work. Make sure, as you start your marriage, you’ve got an agreed-upon plan for resolving conflicts. Now, you can sit back and enjoy your happily ever after.
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That diet lasts only a year
Don’t you feel like the science people keep upping the ante when it comes to keeping our weight under control? Yep, the latest bad news is that most diets stop working after a year. You thought you had it made when you got to the one-year mark, but that’s not the case. Sure, you enjoyed lower blood pressure with that weight loss and your doctor has stopped nagging you. Yes, you benefited emotionally from those workouts. You’re not as anxious as you once were, and you’ve managed to stave off that growing depression that really scared you. But, the reality is you’re not home free. You need to maintain your healthy diet and the exercise plan in order to continue to benefit from your efforts. For how long? Probably for the rest of your life. As you age, your body will change. Not only will you have to maintain your regimen, you’ll have to tailor it as you go along. You probably remember your parents saying, “Anything worth having is worth working for”. Stick with it.
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Oh no, say it ain’t so, Dr. Claudia! Waddya mean that doing housework can make me happier? People who clean their own homes are 25% happier than those who don’t. And, what’s worse is that for every extra hour of cleaning a week, the happier you are by a whopping 53%. What’s going on here? If you have a tidy home, you’re likely to be more relaxed, have increased focus, greater productivity and you’ll sleep better. If your environment is a mess, you feel out of control. You can’t find anything and that ancient brain of yours, well, if you’re female, your ancient brain is on edge. Because we’re not as strong as men, we need to be very aware of our environment so that we can protect ourselves. What’s that in the corner? A saber-tooth cat? Nah, just a backpack. The best part of all of this is that if your home is clean, your kids’ behavior will improve.
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Social anxiety might be genetic
Ten percent of people will experience social anxiety in their lifetimes. Social anxiety is that distressing feeling you get when you worry about being judged by others. You avoid any social situation where people will think poorly of you. And, in your mind, they can only be critical of you. If you prefer to interact online rather than in person, you just might have social anxiety. Physically, it causes you to have a rapid heartbeat and feel out of breath. You get shaky and your palms sweat. Science is now telling us that there’s a genetic factor to this painful condition. The gene that’s supposed to get serotonin, the body’s antidepressant, to the brain, doesn’t get the job done. We used to think that learning to expect social failure was responsible for this distress, but not anymore. OK, so maybe it’s not your fault that you inherited social anxiety, but it is your responsibility to treat it.
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Delivered, take-out food can make you fat
Too busy to cook? What to eat tonight? Grab the stack of take-out menus and get something delivered. It’s another night in front of the tv watching the latest popular series eating out of cartons. Too busy to worry about what it’s doing to you. You’re young and healthy. You’ll worry about it later. At some point, you’ll catch a peek at yourself in a window and say, “OK, NOW I’ve gotta do something! Here’s the plan. Get low-fat, high protein meals delivered from well-known restaurants and when you get it, put it on a plate. Eat at your table and don’t watch tv. Why? Because when you watch and eat, you’ll get distracted and gulp down about 400 more calories than you need. Learn to make the basics and make your own dinners 2 times a week. Order the groceries online and wean yourself off the fat trap. Your bank account will grow, and your waistline will shrink.
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Feeling full and getting depressed
People who regularly eat fast food over a period of 6 years are 41% more likely to become depressed than those who avoided the fat crud. Scientists looking at this connection decided that it’s the high level of artificial trans fats that’s interfering with the brain’s ability to produce certain mood stabilizing neurotransmitters. Neurotransmitters are chemicals responsible for sending messages throughout the body. Kind of important, right? Despite the 2018 ban on artificial trans fats because of their destructive properties, they’re still here. The main culprits are vegetable shortening, some microwave popcorns, some vegetable oils, fried fast foods, bakery products and non-dairy coffee creamers. Check the ingredients on packaged foods you buy. Don’t eat this stuff without knowing it. Don’t let your potato chips make you depressed.
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Left brain, right brain. It’s a no-brainer.
Not too long ago, we still thought that people who are left-brained are more logical, analytical and math oriented while right-brained folks are more emotional, intuitive, artistic and free spirited. We don’t believe this anymore because science has learned the truth. Even common sense tells us that both sides of the brain should be working together. Most behaviors and abilities require that both sides of the brain cross the aisle to process information and solve problems. If you’re right-handed or left, you need your whole brain to achieve your goals. You have talents, quirks, characteristics, strengths and weaknesses, but they have nothing to do with which side of your brain you use more. Every time you learn something, say or do something, you need both sides of your brain to get it done. It takes two, baby, just like the song says.
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So, what is this new umami taste anyway?
You keep hearing about it. Suddenly, out of the blue, there’s a new flavor. It’s umami, a Japanese word that means a “pleasant, savory taste”. Foods with an umami flavor have a brothy or meaty essence that’s long-lasting, mouth-watering and leaves a coating sensation over the tongue. The source of the taste is a high level of glutamate, an amino acid. Amino acids are the building blocks of proteins and have critical roles in your health. The umami taste is found in meats, dairy, fish, mushrooms, miso and vegetables. Ketchup is an umami flavor. Since umami is readily sensed in foods with high levels of protein, detecting it is critical for survival. Umami-rich foods are more filling and curb your appetite. Move over sweet, salty, bitter and sour, there’s a new taste in town.
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Can your friends make you fat?
Do your friends influence your weight? Yes, they do, and it makes sense, doesn’t it? Our friends influence our fashion, our way of speaking and gesturing, the movies we see, the books we read and our love interests. A study from Harvard Medical School cautions us about the powerful influence of our friend’s weight on our eating habits. If they’re thin, you’re likely to mind your calories. If they’re overweight, your scale is likely to move in that direction. As friends, you may end up eating out more than you’d like, and you may adopt some of their food preferences. Snacking accounts for more than half of our daily eating events. We’re eating and drinking 14 different kinds of food and beverages daily. Overall, we’re eating just too much. Host social events that don’t involve eating a lot of food or consuming sugary drinks. Focus on the friends and not the food.
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Why does a total stranger understand me?
It’s so much easier to tell a stranger your troubles than to tell your friends or family. Strangers have no investment in you, so they can offer their opinions freely. Your relationship might be as long as a plane ride or the 10 minutes waiting in line at the post office, so no big deal, you’re not likely to see them again. And, there’s not as much risk of being judged by a stranger than by people who are in your inner circle. Yes, these factors help strangers understand you better than your crew, but, it’s the more descriptive and clear language that we use when giving new information to strangers, that bridges the gap. We assume our friends and family will “fill in the blanks”. To clearly communicate with our loved ones, stop making assumptions about what you think they know about you. Spell it all out and skip the shortcuts. You’ll be surprised what you learn about one another.
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Does technology cause infidelity?
Does technology cause infidelity? No, it doesn’t. Technology makes it easier. For those with wandering eyes who are already predisposed to cheat, the digital age gives them the means to do it faster and more conveniently. For some who stray, the ease of moving from thinking to doing just may mean the difference between staying and going. People in healthy, satisfying relationships aren’t going to use technology to see what else is on the menu. Dissatisfaction in the relationship is the driving force behind the itch to wander. Make sure that the two of you have a strong connection in the real world of real life. Have an issue? Sit down and talk openly and honestly about how both of you are feeling and resolve the situation. Having that consistent problem-solving process is key to a long and fulfilling relationship.
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A new approach to getting a good night’s sleep
Some people will try just about anything to get a good night’s sleep. The latest new idea is to wear sunglasses two hours before going to bed to tell your biological clock that this is now the end of the day. Edison knew that his light bulb would cause sleep-deprivation and it has. We have artificial light sources available to us 24 hours a day and now, we have the lure of all of those digital devices pinging away. In addition, people who don’t get enough natural light exposure during the day are robbing their brains of important clues to regulate metabolism and sleep. This may be more important to the aging population than it is for the twenty-somethings, so as you age, be more diligent about the quality of your sleep. There’s a strong link between poor sleep and dementia. Have the best life possible, put on those shades and get some sleep!
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This is what happens when you overeat
Eat a small bit of food every 3 hours to keep from getting fuzzy-headed and hangry. But, there are times when you overeat. What happens when you do? You get that ugly food baby belly. It’ll take a while for it to go down, so don’t even think about that bikini! When you swallow food, you also swallow air. You not only get full, but bloated. Eat slowly. When you take in more food than your metabolism can handle, your body tries to burn off those extra calories and you get hot. Take a cool shower. If you gorge, you throw off your sleep cycle due to changes in hormones. Eating too much speeds up your digestive process and you’ll be in the bathroom a lot. You’ll get nauseous, so drink ginger tea for relief. And finally, you’ll be exhausted the next day because your body is working overtime. Be smart. Eat sensibly!
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What time should I do my best work?
If you feel that your mind is at its sharpest in the morning, it’s due to the body’s natural clock where the “fear factor” chemical of cortisol starts up at 6, slows down by noon and ends at about 3 p.m. You wondered why you needed a cup of coffee or a nap at about 3? Mystery solved! The cortisol activation response is a leftover from the ancient brain that gets turned on when light hits your eyes. Your body feels its best and your brain operates at top performance during those 6 hours between 6 a.m. and 12 noon. Keep this schedule and you’ll get into bed at a reasonable time, need between 7 and 10 minutes to fall asleep and then, be ready to hop out and take on the day at 6 in the morning. The world’s most effective and successful people make it a habit to “rise and shine”. Try it out! Be a healthy role model for your children.
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Factors that help you to stay married
Science tells us about common-sense factors that can help you stay married. If each of you belongs to one or two social media sites instead of being active on many, you’ll stay married longer. Being too active on social media undermines the bond you share as a couple. If you smiled in photos of you as a kid, in high school and in college, you’re likely to be more emotionally stable and positive, a good sign for marriage. If neither of you has lived with another partner, your chances of divorce increase by 209%. It suggests a lack of commitment. If you have sons, you’re 17% less likely to get divorced. Men don’t want their sons being raised by a woman. It’s the small and almost unnoticed factors in life that can make or break a relationship. Staying married is tough, do what you can to increase the odds.
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I just can’t get it out of my head.
You’re driving along, minding your own business when a truly great song from your teen years comes on. You loved that song. Six hours later, you can’t get rid of it. You’re losing your mind. That song is likely to have a greater “stick factor” because it’s upbeat, has a fast tempo and a generic and easy to remember melody. It’s a unique song. Most of us, 90%, get an “earworm” like your song, stuck in our heads at least once a week. It happens when our brains aren’t doing much such as taking a shower or a walk or doing mindless chores. The brain is always searching for something novel to focus on and a song is a great target. What do you do to keep your sanity? Embrace the song. Listen to a lot of songs. Don’t work hard to avoid it. That’s not the way the brain works. The more you try not to think about it, the more you’ll hear it. It will fade on its own.
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“Mean girls” start at age 4.
Do the “mean girls” just sprout out of the ground as vicious middle schoolers and reach their peak of sadistic behavior in high school? No! They usually start at age 4. Nobody reins them in and it gets worse. Relational aggression, which is the harm to someone’s relationships or social status, starts in preschool. Mostly girls do it. Boys just beat each other up. What does relational aggression look like? It’s bullying the friends of enemies, putting rules on friendships and misinterpreting the behavior of other girls as hostile. Girls who aren’t optimistic and are quick to frustrate resort to these behaviors. They’re used to getting what they want. They copy what they see. Watch your daughters playing. How do they relate to others? Help them understand the behaviors that set them off. Reinforce kindness. You don’t want your mean girl turning on you.
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The dreaded brain freeze!
Really hot and thirsty? Gulp that ice-cold glass of tea and seconds later, realize your mistake? When we gulp icy beverages, an artery behind our eyes dilates and presses on a nearby nerve and wham-o, brain freeze. Rub your forehead like mad, but it’s no use. What other things happen when you drink cold beverages? Ice cold water slows your digestion to a crawl by narrowing your blood vessels. Cold water solidifies the fats you’ve just eaten and take longer to be digested. Sip room temperature water between bites. Cold water can give you a sore throat and a stuffy nose by causing the build-up of mucus. Cold water can decrease your heart rate and you can pass out. If you’ve just finished a workout, cold water will pass right through you and won’t rehydrate you. Teach kids to sip, not gulp cold drinks when they’re super-hot and thirsty.
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Dagnabit! Does your family have alternative swear words?
I recently read where swearing is a sign of intelligence. I don’t care what the research says, profanity isn’t OK for a lot of people. So, what do you do when you hit your thumb with the hammer? Your family should have an agreed-upon list of cuss word alternatives. But, they can’t be just any words. They’ve got to really feel like a cuss word. They can’t sound “nice”. Fiddlesticks just ain’t gonna get it. Some have proposed William Shatner as an alternative. I kinda like it! Then, others like “shitake mushrooms”. Getting closer. Fungicidal? OK, maybe. You and your family may want to have a sit down and come up with goofy-sounding and somewhat realistic words to use in case you need that one serious swear word. Make sure your kid’s elementary school teacher knows what the word is so that it isn’t mistaken for profanity and your kid ends up in the principal’s office.
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Sleep versus money
Do you wake up from a good night’s sleep and say, “Wow, I feel like a million bucks”? You’re more spot on than you think because the effects of improving the quality of your sleep are similar to the effects of winning the lottery. Why is sleep worth its weight in gold? Because your physical and emotional health are improved and you’re more productive. It’s calming to finish your everyday tasks. You don’t carry the weight of the unfinished jobs into your bed. Pay attention to your sleep hygiene which includes the quality of your bed, your pillows and linens and your habits. Stay off your devices, keep your room dark and cool, no booze, caffeine or food two hours before bed, maybe get a weighted blanket and put on one of those stories from the Calm app. Sure, beds are expensive and no, you didn’t win that lottery, but invest in your health. You’ve got a long road ahead to raise those kids and enjoy your grandbabies!
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What could go wrong? Toddlers and dogs.
Babies and puppies. Toddlers and dogs. Dogs are super great for kids. They teach them empathy. They are unconditional friends and they actually improve your kid’s immune system. But let’s re-think this. Dogs are a much better fit for kids who are older and who have more mature impulse control. It’s the kids under 4 who are at greatest risk of a dog attack and since most bites occur to the face, ask yourself if you can live with that. The optimum combo is an older dog and a kid who’s 6 or so. Get a breed that’s known to be kid crazy and check the background for abuse as those dogs need more time and patience than you can give them. Spend time with the dog before adoption and consider kid-training with a pro to avoid the terrible awful. Never leave your child along with Fido no matter how long you’ve had him. Kids and dogs are a great combo if you’re smart about it.
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Being held hostage by a begging preschooler
You’ve been blessed with a baby and now she’s 4 and fierce. You know that once you go into a store, she’s gonna want something, anything. It’s gotta gotta gotta have it or I’m gonna die right now kind of want it. Here’s what you do. Despite the futility, in the car and at the door, you tell her that if she wants something, you and she can have a chat and if you say, “No”, then it’s no. She’ll agree to anything. Now, she’s clutching the doll with the beaded necklace and you see what’s going to happen. You stop and take a breath. You kneel down on one knee and say, “We’re here to buy Joey’s birthday gift and that’s all. You’re not Joey”. When she starts begging or screaming, ignore her. Pick her up, grab Joey’s gift and despite all of the chaos, pay for it and leave. Don’t talk to her. Ignore everyone. She’s trying to figure out the rules and just how tough you are. Do it now or you’ll be her hostage forever.
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Coffee and your life span
Most of us gotta have our black jet fuel in the morning. We add sugar and cream, but no matter how you take it, it’s your daily ritual. One day, science says it’s great for your health and the next, it’s terrible for you. Still, there are 5 tried-and-true agreed-upon health benefits. The American Heart Association has found that coffee lowers the risk of death. Science says that coffee provides critical antioxidants. They’re the substances that slow aging and prevent disease by blasting those pesky free radicals. Coffee improves your mood, especially if you’re female. It lowers inflammation which is the scourge of modern-day humans because it causes many diseases. Coffee reduces the risk of Alzheimer’s, the chances of coming down with prostate cancer in men and Type 2 diabetes. Drink up and enjoy a longer life so you can spend more years with your grandchildren!
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Are you having an emotional affair?
You have no intention of going over THAT line, but the fact is, you’re having an emotional affair. This relationship isn’t as well-defined as physical infidelity, but it’s an intense and special bond. Here’s how you tell you’re having an emotional affair. You’re more excited to see them than your partner. You’re an expert on their lives. You go out of your way to do things for them. You talk about them constantly and have fantasies of a future with them. You’re defensive when someone points out how close you are. In your relationship with your partner, you’re detached and have a negative attitude. You complain about them. The romance has dropped off. You argue with them more. You’re hiding your relationship by changing your tech habits. You’re feeling like a third wheel in your own relationship. Don’t confuse your kids. If your marriage is over, face it and take action.
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The two things you need to be happy with your job
Unhappy with your job? Not sure why? The reasons might be too subtle for you to notice, but when it happens, you grumble and tell yourself that you’re getting another job. Work is likely to be more stressful and cause depression when you have little control over your day or aren’t allowed to solve problems on your own. These two conditions, called autonomy, are very powerful. Think about your job and the level of autonomy you have. You’re likely not to have it if you work on an assembly line, but if you’re a surgeon, you have a great deal of autonomy and the responsibility it brings. This independence also protects people whose jobs are intensely demanding. If you have autonomy with a very demanding job, you’ll stay physically and mentally healthier. Teach your kids about the subtle aspects of jobs that may impact their health and satisfaction with work. It’s important.
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The side effects of biting your fingernails
It’s disgusting and makes you look anxious and childish. Biting your nails can also make you sick. When you bite your nails, you’re taking in the germs hidden in your nail beds and under the nails themselves. Yuck. Biting your nails can cause painful infections and give you horrible breath. You spread bacteria from nail to nail resulting in pusy blisters. If you have warts on your fingers, they get spread, too. Lovely, a wart on your lip! Biting your nails takes its toll on your teeth. All of that chewing can push your teeth out of place and even break them. You’ll get hangnails and ingrown nails. You’ll have to see a doctor. If you polish your nails, you’ll get toxins from nail products in your mouth which can then travel to other parts of your body. Sure, it’s not a lot of toxins, but do you know how they’ll impact your health? Break this unhealthy habit now. If you need to see a therapist, then do it!
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Your brain under the influence of devices
It looks innocent enough, but that cell phone has a dark side. When it comes to the brain, your smartphone is a drug delivery device. Ever been hooked up to a morphine pump? When you hit the button, the pain is gone. Instead of morphine, the smartphone gives us hits of dopamine which is the extremely addicting reward juice of the brain. You hear that ping that tells you you’ve got “incoming” and yum, your brain gets a dose of dopamine. It’s your friend texting you, yay, another dose. You read and respond, “OMG LOL” and it’s another dose. You get into your car, and text her again. Bam, a dose. You buckle up and take off. She responds while you’re blazing down the highway and that dopamine is so powerful, you look away and pick up the phone before you fully engage your brain to make decisions. You don’t see the truck stopped in front of you. The End.
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Health risks for flight attendants
Sure, the job looks glamorous, but flight attendants have serious health hazards. They get cancers more than the general population, a lot more. Flight attendants get more breast cancer and melanoma than other professions. They also get non-melanoma skin cancers, uterine, gastrointestinal, cervical and thyroid cancers. Even having multiple children, doesn’t protect a flight attendant from getting breast cancer. Being a mother is known to be a protective factor against the disease. What’s causing this? Is a disruption in the daily sleep cycle to blame? It’s associated with an increased risk for cancer. Is it exposure to carcinogenic chemicals or celestial radiation which is also a cancer risk? What about frequent fliers? They haven’t been studied, so no one knows. More research is needed to develop policies to protect aircraft crews.
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Is divorce genetic?
Adopted children have the marital traits of their biological parents. We used to think that behaviors that led to divorce were handed down psychologically, but now we know that genetic factors better explain divorce. One of those inherited personality traits is intense negativity, which I call the “Eeyore effect” where nothing is right, and everything is wrong all the time. Another trait is the tendency to express very strong emotions regardless of the damage they cause. Also contributing to divorce is the highly neurotic and anxious partner who’s hypercritical and sees every little flaw in their spouse. Constant criticism leads to skirmishes and a lack of intimacy. Does this sound like your marriage? Consider going into therapy to explore your backgrounds to see if inherited personality traits are undermining your “happily ever after”.
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I see you more positively than you are
We see those we care about the most in an overly positive light. This kind of perception is known as “vicarious optimism”. You can tune in to any crime show and listen to people say, “Why, Joe would never do a thing like that. He just isn’t capable”. Oh really? Joe’s friends and family are prone to changing their beliefs only when it comes to good news, but they won’t budge even when they hear that he’s killed 35 people in 15 states in a murder spree. Vicarious optimism also causes us to believe that positive events could happen more often to people we like, even when that event is unlikely to happen. As we get to like people more, vicarious optimism deepens. In actuality, all of this is a form of denial. Help those you love by being aware of this bias, seeing them for who they are and helping them become the best version of themselves.
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How can you tell if you’re addicted to social media?
Stop telling me that I’m addicted to social media. I’m not, I’m not, I’m not – says every addict on the planet. Oh, but you are. If you’re interested in a bit of self-diagnosis, here are a few questions for you. Have you tried to cut back and failed? Does your social media diet cause conflicts at work or in relationships? Do you use it when you’re bored or alone? Do you get anxious when you’re not on it because of FOMO also known as the “fear of missing out”? Do you think it’s woven into your life in such a way that you use it throughout the day? Like others who are addicted to substances, do you find yourself using more and more because the thrill just isn’t there unless you stay on it longer? If you’ve answered “yes” to three or more of the questions, you’re likely a social media addict. Work to achieve balance by easing the grip that social media has on your life. Make time for and value interactions with your family.
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Is knowing your genetic risks healthy for you?
We spit in a tube, mail it away and a few days later, learn about all of the diseases and conditions that we may “come down with” later on in life. Is this healthy for you? As it turns out, not so much. This information may cause you to believe that you’ve had symptoms in the past. People told they’re at risk for depression recall having those symptoms previously. And, if you learn that you’re not going to get diseases, you may get too relaxed about monitoring your health and feel genetically invincible. It’s not a free pass to do as you please. When people are told they’re not prone to obesity, they stop exercising and eating healthy. Learning about potentially serious diseases may help you to get serious about taking care of yourself. Go ahead. Take the test, but understand that the results may change your behavior. Be aware, be informed and continue to be mindful of your and your family’s health.
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Are you having a quarter life crisis?
Mid-20’s, life “should” be good, but for this generation, it’s a time of uncertainty. Many feel they’re doomed to permanent adolescence. They’re single with no chance of settling down anytime soon and homeownership? Forget about it. They’ve got no idea where their lives are going. They feel hopeless and helpless. They’re primed not only for depression, but for a quarter-life crisis. How do you know you’re having one? You’re frustrated about not being able to figure things out. You question your existence. You’re terrified that you’ve already experienced the best in life and social media is making you a wreck. You’re compelled to be in the adult world, but long to be taken care of by Mom and Dad. You just want to escape. Don’t listen to your elders tell you where they were at your age. You’re not them. You’ve got about 10 years to figure it out. It isn’t a race. Stop judging your life by social media. It’s a fantasy out there!
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Time crawls if you’re young
Why does time seem to go so slowly when we’re young? Think of it in relative terms. If you’re 5 years old, a year is one-fifth of your life. But, there’s more to it than that. Time quickens as we age because the highest concentration of strong memories occurs in the teens and 20s. These memories give us the basis for judging past events. Once you get into middle age, new experiences are less frequent and ta-da, you feel as though time has sped up. Weeks and hours don’t whiz by when you’re older, but years and decades feel like yesterday. If you live to the average life expectancy of 78, you’ll spend much more time sleeping than working, watching tv, commuting or even caring for your kids. The clock is ticking. We can’t live in such a heightened state of intensity that we cherish every moment. We can at least be mindful in choosing how we spend some of our time. When the end is near, you won’t regret spending time with those you love.
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The average modern family spreads out over 2000 miles
Most families say they’re far more spread out today than 30 years ago. The average modern family covers over 2000 miles. We compensate for that distance with digital devices. With Wi-Fi, we interact with our family members even more than if we lived close by. The expense of travel keeps us from being with our far-flung families. There’s not a lot of time for organizing reunions and forcing people together. Most family members say they get enough exposure to their kin through digital connections. Others like having family in other states and countries because it gives them an opportunity for adventure! This is a win-win situation. If family members really enjoy each other, they’ll make the effort to travel. For those family members who want to stay in touch but not get up too close and personal, the digital connection is plenty. There’s no excuse for your kids not to know their cousins.
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The stigma of acne is changing
Kids and adults alike take a social beating when they have acne. 45 million Americans have acne at any one time, making it the most common skin condition. Since there’s a 63% increase risk of depression that comes along with skin eruptions, it’s a serious condition. Diet, stress, genetics and skin care practices contribute to outbreaks. Acne makes us look unhealthy and different, resulting in the social isolation that’s common in acne sufferers. Conversations about acne aren’t out in the open as they are about psoriasis and other skin conditions. Social influencers and celebrities are now sharing their own fights with acne and hopping on the skin positivity bandwagon. Even if acne is accepted, that won’t keep your kid from getting teased. It’s a health condition and may require medication and other interventions. Do something now!
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Are you trapped in your relationship because of money?
Many women are trapped in marriages and relationships because of money. They feel powerless at home because they’re not the one who brings home the salary or they don’t make enough to live independently. 66% of women who answered a survey said they felt trapped with no reasonable way to make a difference in their financial situations. Many women feel that they have no voice in money decisions because they’re not making as much as their partners. Is this you? Will this be you? Consider your future and how you’ll feel about being in this position. Get that education. Work on your skills to get that promotion. Save your money and stop spending it on stupid stuff online. Amazon can live without your purchase today. Be honest with your partner and set up your own account for a rainy day. Add money consistently. Learn about money and your money habits. Money matters. You’ll never know that more than when you don’t have enough.
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Don’t swap out your medications for pot
Whoa! Stop! Before you swap out your doctor-prescribed medications for pot, think about what you’re doing. There’s no denying that pot can treat some conditions and that the non-psychoactive CBD is being used by millions for a wide variety of ailments including anxiety and pain relief. But, there’s a huge gap between what the true believers believe about the plant and the actual science of the medical findings, so far. The bottom line is that pot as a powerful medicine is the belief of the uninformed. Many know nothing about the risks, especially pregnant women using it for nausea and anxiety. Pharmaceutical-grade medications are carefully formulated and prescribed. You don’t know what’s in pot and some of those benefits just might be the placebo effect. You’ve convinced yourself that it works. More research is needed to help consumers use pot beneficially.
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Smartphones impact your brain chemistry
The brain is like a car engine. It has the “hardware”, all of the physical parts, and the “liquids”, the neurotransmitters that make it work. Constant interruptions from alerts, messages and calls from smartphones, mess with the brain liquids. That distraction is called the “switch cost” because it creates a different chemistry in our brain. It happens like this. We’re focusing on one thing and then, there’s that tone or ring, and we switch away from the task at hand and then, we return to the task. The “switch cost” is big, robbing us of 40% of our efficiency. Our brain stays on high alert, waiting for the next tone, alert or call. When it happens, we get little surges of cortisol, the stress hormone, and the heart beats faster, and muscles tighten. Be aware of how these forces impact your family’s health and may cause addiction to the seductive smartphone.
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Obesity robs the tongue of taste buds
We know obesity has many consequences, but you weren’t expecting this one. It robs your tongue of taste buds. Taste preferences influence the food you eat. Obese people often taste flavors with less intensity than people who are lean. The thought is that heavier people make up for their weakened taste buds by eating more and eating higher calorie foods. Not only do your taste buds get weak, but the more obese you are, the more taste buds you lose due to the chronic inflammation trigged by fat. Taste buds die and aren’t replaced until weight is lost. If your family is impacted by obesity, be prepared to counteract the loss of taste buds with foods that are savory, but not packed with calories and fat. Help them to understand the role of taste in their fight against obesity. It’s the best you can do.
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Sugar’s on the Most Wanted list
Sugar. We love it, but hate what it does to us. Diabetes, heart disease, skin problems, inflammation and weight gain. It should be number 1 on the Bad Food list. When you eat those wonderful white crystals, your blood sugar spikes, you get a burst of energy and then a quick crash. Most of us run that blood sugar up and down all day like some kind of crazed EKG. When you crash, you go looking for more, just like an addict. That’s us. Go cold turkey? No never. But, maybe a 3-day detox might help you cut it down a bit. For 3 days, don’t eat any food with more than 15 grams of sugar per serving. Goodbye soda, booze, pastries, and juice. Substitute avocado, nuts and chicken. You’re gonna feel kinda achy and irritable and you’ll likely fall off the wagon, but teeny tiny baby steps will improve your health dramatically.
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Have ADHD and work from home? How do you do it?
Are you an adult with Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder and work from home? Do you also have Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria where your ADHD makes you extremely sensitive to criticism? You may find that you’re more relaxed at home. You’re not worried about disturbing your co-workers because you need to move around to deal with your restlessness and anxiety. But, it’s more difficult to stay focused because, well, you’re at home and you can swap out that load of wash to the dryer and oh yeah, I’ve been wanting to make brownies and now, the dog wants to be walked. Uh oh. Worried about criticism for your work? By using an office communication system, the feedback may not feel like a personal attack and if you’re upset about the feedback, nobody gets to see your response. The key to success with working from home for anybody is to have a list of reasonable goals. Enjoy being your own supervisor!
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Who is still smoking cigarettes in America?
Smoking cigarettes is seriously declining because states and communities making it more difficult for smokers to light up in public. Those who are still smoking are mostly low income, don’t have a college education, lack health insurance or have a disability. Smokers make up the least advantaged segments of our society. In fact, 75% of all the 36 million remaining smokers in the US are experiencing catastrophic health problems. They want to quit, but aren’t as successful in their efforts as the upper half of society, likely because they have economic and personal stressors they can’t control. Over the last 50 years, public health efforts helped to cut the smoking rate by more than half, but now, we need to offer direct help to those in the lower half of society to quit. It’s in everyone’s best interest.
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Many people won’t date you because of your pet
Aren’t we a nation of pet lovers? We’re wild about our dogs and we’re gaga over our cats, but oh no. 25% of us won’t date you if you have a pet. And, women aren’t as thrilled to make a date with you, pal, if you have a cat. If you pose on a dating site with your favorite feline, women will swipe left, meaning they want no part of you. No part. A study was done to determine if women were more attracted to men with or without a cat. Without a cat, they’ll consider you. With a cat, they’ll reject you. Why is that? Because if you love your cat, women think you’re less masculine, more neurotic and frankly, less dateable. Women want men with good genes reflecting traditional masculine traits. Cats diminish that perception. So, guys get her to fall in love with you before introducing her to Fluffy.
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Benadryl challenge online that parents should be aware of. / Julio is concerned about his wife who will be returning back to work after Covid. She is very worried about having picked up weight during lockdown and going into work fatter. What should he do to help?
Annette loaned her 31 year old son $10,000 in seed money and has lost it and thinks her son won't pay back. What should she do?
Katherine is having more arguments with her husband lately. How can they ease up on the fighting? How can they resolve issues?
DeeDee was on social media and saw horrible pictures and bad comments about a friend of hers, made by a friend of her friends. What should she do?
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Mother caught paying for her son's college testing results
Ellen is newly pregnant with first child. Ellen's husband gave no response when she told him, went to bed without speaking and left in the morning without mentioning it. What does this mean? Why won't Ellen's husband communicate with Ellen about his new child?
Pinka's husband is having an affair with the nanny of their 4 year old daughter. Pinka caught him on the nanny cam with her. What should Pinka do?
Frank is 51, father is 75. Frank's mother and his father's wife passed away 5 years ago. Frank's father has a girlfirend. Frank's father has shared with him that he's not getting as much romance and sex as he'd wish. How should Frank approach this? Should he be talking about his dad's sex life with him?
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Anorexia may not be just a psychiatric condition
The hallmarks of anorexia include an extreme fear of gaining weight, maintaining an abnormally and unhealthy low body weight and having a distorted perception of their bodies. Anorexics see themselves as being overweight despite all evidence to the contrary. Thought primarily to be a psychiatric condition associated with low levels of serotonin, the body’s naturally-occurring anti-depressant, anorexia may have a genetic component. A gene that might be responsible for the disabling condition was found on a chromosome that’s involved with metabolism. More investigation is called for, but if this gene has a powerful influence over metabolism and the perception of body image, interventions other than therapy and psychiatric medications may reduce suffering and death. Keep watching for the latest news on anorexia.
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A torn ACL can change your brain? Really?
In sports, we hear a lot about ACL injuries. The ACL is a ligament in the middle of the knee that helps stabilize the knee joint. It’s a devastating injury, requiring surgery and a ton of physical therapy. Once it’s injured, it’ll happen again. These injuries recur because the reconstructive surgery creates structural changes in the brain that interfere with recovery. Afterward, these changes cause poor athletic performance. The problem is in the pathway of the brain that sends signals to the muscles. The pathway responsible for the injured knee is about 15% smaller than the other knee. The muscles near the damaged knee aren’t getting as much information because the brain changed in order to protect that area. A total body rehabilitation approach is needed because of adverse effects in other areas. Make sure your athlete gets what they need.
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It’s tough to deal with new moms and their opinions
If Momma and Dad have a new baby and she has stronger opinions about parenting practices than he does, there will be skirmishes. Mommas usually have stronger views than Dads on how their babies should be tended to, and this difference makes Momma stressed. You know that axiom, “If Momma ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy”? These skirmishes lead to more stress and the quality of the co-parenting relationship takes a dive. The primary issue seems to be nighttime care. Since Mommas are much more active in caring for baby at night, they feel unsupported if Dad disagrees about responding when baby whimpers. Momma and Dad, come to an agreement in the rational light of day instead of having running battles in the middle of the night. You can disagree on the concept but agree on the course of action. The bottom line is that it’s very early days and you need to have a plan to solve parenting disagreements.
I’m Dr. Claudia and that’s your Parenting Pointer.
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Kids with ADHD often skip their medications
Children with Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder frequently don’t take their medication. Actually, they’re on their medications only 60% of the time. Typically, kids take it on time for the first few months and then, it tapers off. It takes 5 to 6 years for treatment to be consistent. There are two factors involved here: Parents could have undiagnosed and untreated ADHD themselves. They don’t anticipate the need for an appointment and to make it happen due to planning deficits. Being economically disadvantaged makes it very difficult to keep up with appointments and pay for medications. Doctors should have a follow-up system with parents if the medications are not being refilled. Parents should be asked, outrightly, about their plans to refill the prescriptions. If not, help them to get the medication to their children. The kids shouldn’t have to suffer.
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The tribe is getting bigger and more complicated
Seriously, we need a chart. What do you call your step-mother’s daughter’s boyfriend’s 15-year-old son? Nearly one-third of American households have at least one stepparent or bonus parent, as I like to say. Boom! One marriage can seriously expand the tribe. The rise in divorce and remarriage is the driver behind the 66% increase in family size. The divorce rate has doubled for older Americans in the past 20 years. Almost 30% of people over 50 have been married more than once. As a result, we’re not sure about the nature of our relationships and responsibilities to each other. What are the rules for gift giving? As boomer bonus parents age, who takes care of them? Bonus kids could end up with more elderly to take care of and bonus parents may have more kids to lean on. It’s critical to determine the rules as life moves along.
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Auggie's 15 year old has been stealing from him and his mother. Auggie and his wife have camera footage of him stealing cash and jewelry out of their bedroom. What should they do to handle this?
Auggie's question answered (continued)
Processed foods available, Fall N Leaves cookie dough, Little Debbie ice cream / Janice's husband can't dance, but her wedding is coming up and he doesn't want to go to dance classes. What can she do to get her husband to learn?
Jacklyn wants to clean her house. What's the simplest, easiest, quickest way to approach throwing out and cleaning stuff?
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Remembering 9/11 / Dr. Claudia's brother passed away and was exposed to agent orange in the Vietnam War.
Jim met a girl before lockdown in March, continued to see her over Zoom, now seeing her in person and is finding he's lost interest in her. Jim wants to know why. Is this normal?
Moving through the social injustice movement productively.
Planning outdoor activities for your kids during "school from home", so they have something to look forward to, helping their mental health. / Jason's in laws and parents are competing with each other over who gets to spend more time with his kids. How should he handle this?
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Why are we so so so tired?
Don’t bother asking someone, “How are you?” because if they tell you the truth, they’ll say they’re tired. We don’t get enough sleep, and we sure don’t get enough deep sleep. Deep sleep is the slow-wave stage that you need in order to feel refreshed when you wake up. It’s not like rapid eye movement sleep where you’re dreaming and moving around a lot. If we don’t get that deep sleep, we’ll feel even more exhausted despite getting 8 hours. Deep sleep restores our energy, increases blood supply to our muscles, allows our cells to regenerate, strengthens our immune system, repairs tissue and bones and enhances our growth. The metabolism of sugars during deep sleep increases and improves our short- and long-term memory and overall learning. We not only feel stronger and more capable, we actually are. We’re more efficient, confident and social. We’re less moody. Get in bed!
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Your hangover symptoms and what they mean
You get drunk and feel just awful. You feel worse once you fully experience all that being drunk has to offer such as diarrhea. Yeah, booze speeds up digestion. And that puffiness? You get so dehydrated that your body tries to retain water and you get bloated, especially your eyes. Is that your ex you just called? Liquor lowers your inhibitions and unleashes feelings. You have little-to-no judgment. You don’t monitor what you’re doing, so you make those really big and embarrassing mistakes. I’m so drunk, why can’t I sleep? It’s because alcohol messes with your rapid eye movement sleep. As the booze wears off, you’re gonna wake up often and earlier. If you drank to drunkenness, drink water, get in bed, and if you’re lucky, have someone to babysit your stupid self. Keep drinking water the next day to flush the toxins out. And, don’t do it again!
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Georgia's husband had her car painted for her birthday while she was away on a trip, without telling her. He had the best intentions and thought she would love it, but Georgia hates it and doesn't know what to do or how to handle this with her husband. How does she handle this with her husband for the best possible result?
Jim's wife asks him for advice and his opinion on a subject or problem, but then always asks her parents and other friends after he's given her advice. Jim wonders if she just doesn't care for his helpful advice, or if this is normal? How should he handle this?
Naomi's friend's personality and judgment is changing, he's going through dimentia. She would like to still spend time with him and his wife, but he's prone to outbursts now. How should Naomi handle this?
Karen's husband takes time off work all the time to go do things he enjoys, but she never takes time off, she's constantly doing all the house work and shuttling kids and dealing with the family. She's now upset about this. How does she address this with her husband?
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The mental health issues resulting from the Covid pandemic and lockdown - effects on women
Amanda's son in 5th grade, doing zoom/online classes, school won't allow kids wear pajamas. Amanda is upset and thinks son should be able to wear whatever he wants. Is Amanda right?
Jerry is 70 and planning his funeral ahead of time. He asked his brother and sister to speak words at his funeral if he goes before they do, but both told him no, because he has never been involved with their lives. How should he handle this and how has this happened?
Meredith's in laws upset that she's not giving their son a middle name. Does Meredith have the right to be upset over this? Do the in-laws have a right to be upset?
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Does your personality put you more at risk for dementia?
Some personalities are more at risk for certain diseases. Now, research says that two personality traits can impact your chances of developing dementia. If you have the neurotic personality style, your risk of dementia is increased by 6%. The person with a “neurotic personality” has negative emotions such as depression, anger or anxiety and is emotionally unstable, overall. They have a low tolerance for stress. If you have an “openness to experience” type of personality, you have a 6% decreased chance of dementia. This kind of personality appreciates art, emotion, adventures, is curious, imaginative and is open to a variety of experiences. They’re more creative and aware of their feelings. They can also be seen as unpredictable and risky. Which of the Big 5 personality types are you? Learn more so you can enhance your life.
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What makes dogs so special?
The relationship between dogs and humans is one of the most powerful partnerships between species in history. We’ve lived side-by-side and have depended on each other for at least 16,000 years. What’s responsible for the love affair between humans and dogs? In part, it can be explained by oxytocin which cements emotional bonds. Both dogs and humans have oxytocin. Dogs also have a genetic mutation that drives their strong need for close and warm personal relationships. People with this same genetic mutation are very outgoing, but have intellectual disabilities. Dogs will choose us over food. Consider this need for love when you’re training your dog. Your dog wants to learn and to please you. Give them positive reinforcement and don’t leave them alone all day. Forget the fancy toys. They just need to be with us. Dogs are love.
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Being overtired is not just a kid thing
If you have kids, you know what it looks like when they’re overtired. They desperately need to sleep, but they want to stay awake so they don’t miss a thing. They’re miserable, but it takes “sleep pressure” to develop before they can finally give it up. Their brains are just as intensely active as their bodies. Being overtired isn’t just a childhood thing. Watch yourself. As the evening winds down, you can’t stop. You say to yourself, “Oh, I just gotta finish this and then, I have this and that and this and that to do before I can go to bed”. By the time you finally collapse, you’re so jacked up that your brain is wired, and your body is vibrating. Yeah, sure, you’ll go to sleep. You’re completely spent the next day and look forward to a nap, but don’t do that. To recover, go to sleep at your regular time. If you take a nap or get into bed super early, you’ll be thrown off for days.
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Sleep disorders burden women more than men
Sleep disorders affect men and women differently. Women end up with severe depression and more daytime sleepiness than men. We girls also have more difficulty concentrating on work when we’re sleep-deprived. We suffer more, but it’s actually men’s snoring that seems to be the cause of our sleep problems. If you’re having sleep issues, start treating your husband’s snoring and find another place to sleep. 53% of American couples have a sleep divorce meaning that they sleep in different rooms or in different beds. In the case of snoring, it’s likely to be a different room, but you’ll still need a white noise machine or a fan to mask the sound of snoring. Perhaps he needs a CPAP machine or surgery to correct the condition because sleep apnea is a killer. Consistent sleep deprivation is related to a number of devastating health conditions. Don’t suffer in silence.
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Solitary confinement is a death sentence
Movies can’t even come close to showing us the experience of being in solitary confinement. It’s not intended to be a death sentence, but it ends up being one because just a few days in solitary can significantly increase the inmate’s risk of death after being released. A study looking at the long-term effects of solitary confinement, revealed that those who spent less than a week in isolation were 60% more likely to die within 5 years than those who spent no time there. Most of the inmates’ death weren’t natural and were caused by accidents, suicide and violence. The inmates who died were younger and served longer sentences. Certainly, more research has to be done regarding the impact of isolation, but for now, Departments of Corrections are changing their practices of using solitary confinement. Prison should not be a death sentence.
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Depression naps are unhealthy
Why do you take naps? Is it because you need to escape the world? Is it because you’re stressed or anxious, maybe feeling a little down? Be careful. Depression is intensely connected to sleep problems and is a primary symptom of depression. Depression makes it difficult to fall asleep and stay asleep. You feel worse when you get up. Nearly 90% of those with major depressive disorders have some kind of sleep problem. Naps, in general, are supposed to be restorative. For example, if you didn’t sleep well the night before or had to get up super early to take someone to the airport. If naps become a way of coping with life by avoiding reality, it’s time to check in with a therapist. Wonder if you’re depressed? Go online to a reputable mental health or medical website and take a depression screening scale. Be honest. The depression will only get worse and lying to yourself will delay treatment.
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Our country is experiencing in order to grow, just like individuals do to grow. / Be careful of the news that you take in. It's not healthy to constantly feed your head with negative news, unplug and focus on positives in your life.
Augie's wife is covering for her friend's stealing. How can he get his wife to understand not to cover for her thieving friend.
Ruben's daughter is senior in High School with 4.9 gpa, being recruited by top colleges. Is it safe to allow her to go to college early and miss high school? Or should she finish high school and go to college at the same time
Sophie's fiance's best man told them to enjoy their first year of marriage because it's all down hill after that. What is wrong with this guy?
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McDonalds has new flavor of McNuggets. / Meal kits are more prevelant at grocery stores now. Start thinking about how you want to eat for better health. / Kids 10 to 100 times more likely to be carrying Corona virus in their noses / Two kids died in locked car.
People are learning more and doing more activities now during Coronavirus pandemic. / Amera worked for company that went bankrupt due to owners embezzlement. How does she explain this in her interviews with other companies she's applying to work for.
Elizabeth has a baby due soon and her mother in law is way too intrusive, calling, texting, coming over all the time. She's worried this will continue and wants to put a stop to it. Her husband is oblivious. How should Elizabeth handle this?
Workplace is going to change after Covid. Some businesses will no longer keep as much office space, and allow more remote working. We won't be dealing with long commutes.
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She’s copying me!
Ever heard your 7-year old wail, “Mooooom, she’s copying me!”? How do you handle that? Maybe you should go with science. When the 4-year old takes a nap, sit the 7-year old down at the serious table such as a dining table and have some paper and crayons handy to draw out your lesson. Explain to your son that his sister is imitating him because that’s how she learns. Tell him that monkey kids do the same thing. He’ll like that. Draw out stick figures that show that he’s her first and best teacher. What he does, she does in order to learn how to take care of herself, how to read, write, and do math. She’ll learn how to open boxes, use crayons and pencils, build with blocks, play games, get along with others and how to feel when things happen. She’ll grow up to be great just like you. Give him permission to quietly come tell you when he’s had enough. He just might never complain again!
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Why is sleep deprivation toxic?
You can live for about 3 days without water, 21 days without food and about 3 minutes without air, but what about sleep? You can live without sleep for only 11 days. Somehow, we don’t think it’s critical to life. It must be important because if we don’t get enough, we die. Even prehistoric man slept, and they were at serious risk for snoozing in their wild world. The brain cleans itself while you’re sleeping and if you don’t get enough, toxins build up and you will die. It takes about 200 hours for this to happen, but it will happen. And, because the brain is the single-best producer of mind-altering drugs, when you haven’t slept, you feel drugged. Oh sure, you’ll feel irritable, confused, depressed, have headaches, gain weight and eventually develop Parkinson’s and heart disease, but you’ll keep going because, for you, exhaustion is a badge of honor. Get some sleep!
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The 5 benefits of being a planner
Do others make fun of you because you always have a list? Have goals for the day? Insist on finishing what you start? Don’t despair. If you have a strong sense of “planfulness”, you’re likely to use your mental ability to achieve goals. You’re the kind to take full advantage of your gym membership and floss your teeth. Why? Because you use 3 tactics that help you get where you’re going. You have an orientation toward the future and appreciate the impact of your current behavior. You have mental flexibility that helps you to connect actions to goals and you use cognitive strategies such as interventions and refining your plans to maintain progress toward your goals. You use planfulness to achieve all of your goals, big and small, specific or vague. And, because you’re a planner, you’ll add 6 years to your life to keep working toward goals.
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Do dogs go through puberty?
Does your dog behave like a teenager? Think they’re acting this way because they’re imitating your kids? No. In fact, dogs go through adolescence at about 5 months old and puberty at around 8 months. During these periods of time, they share similar behaviors with human teenagers. Why is that? They’re both mammals and most mammals go through a similar process of sexual maturation in order to have babies! Dogs have hormonal fluctuations and a remodeling of their brains to become adults just like humans. What does teenage behavior look like in dogs? They’re likely to ignore you. They’re likely to be more difficult to train. And, get this. They act this way only with their owners and are well-behaved around strangers. Kinda like taking it out on your Mom. Stay consistent with your teenage dog and use rewards rather than punishment. Just as with your teenagers, this is a passing phase. Maybe a long walk will do them both good!
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Cellphone radiation, called radio frequency radiation, because it’s generated by radio waves, is being recognized as a health hazard. Guidelines for using your device and staying healthy are now offered. When you sleep, keep the phone at least an arm’s length from your body. While it’s recommended that you don’t keep the cellphone in a pocket, for men, that’s just not practical as most don’t carry handbags at this time. It’s been a tough journey for Dr. Joel Moskowitz of UC Berkeley to get these guidelines released. In 2009, he sued to get the data about the health effects of cell phones which include low sperm count, brain cancer and tumors, headaches, impaired memory, sleep and hearing. He won the case in the spring of 2017, and now, the information is out. We likely won’t know the real health impact of cellphones for decades to come. For now, use your common sense.
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Smartphones and imbalance in the brain
Most of us can’t live without our smartphones. They’re just so helpful. Yeah, we’ve heard about addiction and whatnot, but that’s for teenagers, right? No, you’re not right. If you have an overreliance on technology, whether or not you are “addicted”, your brain becomes unbalanced. This imbalance results in difficulty resisting the impulse to use the phone, irritability when you don’t have access to it, and excessive use to the point where it interferes with work, social activities and health. Sound like you? Those with the highest levels of imbalance also had the highest levels of depression, anxiety, impulsivity and insomnia. The impact is most severe on the developing brains of teens. Because the teen brain is in an intense state of excitement when using the phone for long periods of time, they may run a greater risk of getting Parkinson’s disease.
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Can the sound of your morning alarm make a difference?
Can the sound of your morning alarm make a difference in your energy level? If you wake up to a melody instead of a blast that sounds like a siren, you’ll improve your alertness. If you’re a first responder who needs to get up and go at unusual times, this should be important to you. When you wake up with grogginess, called sleep inertia, it’s a real struggle to achieve the level of energy you need to get a jump on your day. If you’re a parent with school-age kids, you can relate. You have to be “on” as soon as your eyes fly open. You’ve gotta get dressed for work. You’ve gotta get breakfast on the table. You’ve gotta make sure the kids are washed, dressed and ready to go. That harsh beep-beep-beep that comes from your smartphone’s alarm clock in the morning, may not make you rise and shine. Try the Beach Boy’s Good Vibrations or The Cure’s Close to Me. Frankly, anything that ramps you up and inspires you will get the job done.
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Your nose knows
Your nose has a big role to play in never getting the same kind of flu again? If you get the flu, your nose recruits immune cells with long memories to be on the lookout for the virus. These special cells are called “resident memory T cells” and they serve as sentinels to keep that flu from recurring. In the future, a nasal spray vaccine that boosts the army of T cells in the nose, just might replace that flu shot. Boosting the immunity in the nose may lead to greater protection of the lungs. T cells also patrol the brain, liver, intestines, skin and lungs once you’ve had an infection. Each kind of tissue has its own T cells. If the disease returns, they quickly kill it off. Combined with memory B cells that produce antibodies against virus and bacteria, we just might be able to avoid some nasty diseases for the rest of our lives!
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Preservatives in food can make you eat more
Common preservatives in your favorite foods can make you fat. They interrupt the routines of digestive hormones and may cause cancerous tumors and developmental disorders in children. They make you fat because they disrupt the messaging networks between the gut and the brain. The message to the brain that says, “Hey, my gut is full”, doesn’t get there and we end up eating more. Two of the most common culprits with ridiculously long names that go by the initials BHT and PFOA are to blame. BHT is found in breakfast cereals and PFOA is used in cookware. Pregnant women and parents of young children should look for these preservatives in food because they affect “young cells” more intensely than those of adults. If you don’t protect yourself, don’t expect others to do it for you.
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Seniors can turn back the hands of time.
You senior citizens who’re thinking about taking up exercise in order to give more years to your life, but you don’t know what to do? Studies say that intensive aerobic exercise is the answer. It not only reverses the effects of aging at a cellular level, but improves the quality of your skeletal muscles, something that older adults generally lack. How does this happen? Intense aerobic exercise creates new proteins. If you couple the aerobics with some resistance and strength training such as using those huge rubber bands, weights or machines that cause you to push or pull, you’ll improve your lean body mass, your overall muscle mass, insulin sensitivity, heart and lung health. Just because you’re older doesn’t mean that you can’t exercise at home or the gym with all of the beautiful, young bodies. Show them what it means to grow older and still be fabulous.
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Pot and high blood pressure
Yet another unintended consequence of smoking pot. Yes, it’s high blood pressure this time. Those who participated in a study and who also smoked pot, had a 300% greater risk of death from high-blood pressure-related illnesses. Yes, heart disease is one thing, but high blood pressure can also lead to kidney disease, heart failure and aneurysms which are those bulging areas of your blood vessels caused by the weakening of the walls. The risk of stroke is also increased. Yes, more bad news. The researchers were concerned that people in the study weren’t truthful about how much pot they actually smoked which means that the blood pressure problems could be even worse. It was recommended that if you smoke pot, you should be checking yourself with an at-home blood pressure cuff daily. Better safe than sorry!
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Facebook “friends” or “audience”?
None of us were surprised when one of the former Facebook executives confirmed that it’s having a very negative effect on society. He confessed that they knew, all along, how it would become addictive. They knew the immediate, short-term, reward-driven feedback loops would lead to misinformation, lies and a lack of cooperation and civil conversation. They relied on what psychology knows about how humans work. They were able to get us and keep us hooked on the social-validation feedback loop. What I call the “Look at me” syndrome. Facebook Friends aren’t friends. They’re an audience. The goal? To consume as much time and conscious attention as possible. Done and done. While they asked themselves, “What will this do to our children’s brains?”, they really didn’t care about that as much as they did about gaining power and making money. Don’t let these people control your lives!
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Mitchell is engaged and just learned that his fiance was a stripper in college to pay for her law school. She has told him this is behind her, she's proud of what she did, never was "touched" and did it to pay for college. He's now having second thoughts on marriage. What should he and she do now?
Micki's 6 year old daughter told grandma (Micki's mother in law) that her father (Micki's husband) says that Micki drinks too much at home and is a "fatty". What should Micki do with this information, with her husband, herself, and with her daughter?
New beverage from Coke, infused with Brazil coffee - Oreos - KFC shoes - Big Mac candles - Back to school ads on TV
Coronavirus has a ticking time bomb if you get it / Clay wants to get his wife a great gift for their 10th Anniversary. What should he get her? / Daryl saw a mother at store hustling with all her kids
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Covid vacinnes on their way by end of the year. Will you take them? Covid has brought about "mask breath". What dentists are recommending.
Diana's 29 yr old son has weddings and social functions to go to, he still doesn't own a suit - Diana wants to know why he doesn't wear nice suits to functions like this.
Christy's husband 66 retiring soon. Christy has 5 more years working, and worried about her husband being home alone and relaxing while she's working. How does she address these concerns?
Sue wants to know if mosquitos can transmit the coronavirus / Stacy wants to know what her plan and goals should be before she gets married.
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Our catastrophic lack of sleep is killing us
Employers think that if you need to get a good night’s sleep you must be lazy. Electric lights, television, computer screens, longer commutes, the blurring of the line between work and personal time, and many other factors, contribute to a catastrophic lack of sleep that is killing us. A lack of sleep is defined, for adults, as less than 7 hours a night. Scientists say that every part of our biology is impacted by sleep deprivation; it seeps down into every possible nook and cranny. The situation is so dire that doctors are prescribing sleep to patients, not sleeping pills, mind you, but sleep. This has to change in our families, workplace and our communities. Exhaustion is not a badge of honor. Make a commitment to get sleep. Prioritize the important things that really need to be done, get them done and get into bed. Your life depends on it.
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A high-definition eye scan can detect Alzheimer’s
Are you concerned about coming down with Alzheimer’s? Do you have a brain injury or family history that might make you vulnerable to it? There’s a new tool to help get the jump on the devastating disease. It’s a retina-based test designed to predict your chances of developing Alzheimer’s. The high-definition eye scan detects the buildup of amyloid-beta deposits. These deposits are a sign of the onset of the disease. The retina is now being seen as a reliable way to diagnose and record the progression of Alzheimer’s. The number of cases is expected to triple by 2050. Yes, we need as much time as possible to intervene and change the course of this condition with medications and lifestyle. One lifestyle change that needs to be taken very seriously is to get sound sleep every night to allow the brain to clear itself of these proteins. Help yourself now and get to sleep!
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Women breadwinners are depressed
Historically, society was very clear on “men’s work” and “women’s work”. But, women are now taking over the role of the primary wage earner, aka, the “breadwinner” and men are staying at home with the kids. We’re allowed to arrange our lives in whatever way suits us, but what are the unintended consequences of changing powerful cultural traditions? The most outstanding outcome is that women are more likely to feel depressed as the breadwinner despite being more than capable of bringing home the bacon. But, we’re enjoying a greater sense of well-being. The stay-at-home Dads also suffer mentally and feel deeply dissatisfied with life. Overall, couples are at a higher risk of damaging their psychological well-being if they take on non-traditional roles. This decline in mental health is likely related to many factors. Take your time and consider the potential consequences of bucking tradition before you dive in.
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Digital support for nervous public speakers
There’s a new public-speaking tutor on the Amazon Alexa platform designed to treat America’s #1 social phobia. How does it work? Using a cognitive restructuring approach to teach the person to recognize and change negative thoughts, this smart speaker trains nervous nellies without the need to use a face-to-face tutor. Because the program helps to ease speech anxiety without making appointments and traveling to a tutor, progress is faster due to the user being able to access the system on demand. Brief and frequent practice sessions result in much stronger skills. Alexa is highly sociable due to its conversational style, resulting in a sense of personal closeness with the user. Positive practice creates “automaticity” so that the speaker relies on training to carry them through moments of anxiety. It’s good news for scared talkers.
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The workaholic epidemic
One of the goals in life should be to achieve balance. Yet, with more work creeping into our lives because of digital devices, we’re failing miserably. We don’t know how to stop working. Half of us can’t pull ourselves away and when we do, we get so anxious that we can’t enjoy ourselves. We allow work to interrupt us during family time, weddings, funerals, and even romance. We don’t take lunch, work over the weekend and at night, are the first to arrive and the last to leave. We constantly check emails. Bosses are demanding, workloads are unreasonable, and a driving need to finish tasks in order to achieve peace of mind are the reasons for these kinds of intrusions. We’re willing to sacrifice our health even though we don’t think the extra work will advance our careers. Time to change our behavior and get healthier!
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Ruby has hard time putting down her phone and reading news before bed. She's stressed out and not getting good rest. How can she change this pattern?
Troy has quit smoking, now his wife wants to quit. Troy is worried she'll be too stressed out if she quits now because we're in the middle of Covid lock down, that maybe she should wait. Should Troy's wife try quitting smoking now or wait?
Troy's little boy is BIG into cars, even at this young age. He constantly wants to read about, look at, work with, play with cars. How does Troy and his wife deal with this? They want him well rounded, but don't want to stifle his interests
Dr. Claudia shares a story about calling the campus police on her son because he was going to set off a bug bomb in the dorm to kill gnats, even though he was advised by Claudia and her husband not to because it was unsafe. Do what it takes to teach your kids and keep them safe, no matter how you have to do it.
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Carol's sister caught Covid-19 and wonders how soon she has to wait before going around her after she recovers.
Robin has two guy friends who love the same woman. One of the guys proposed and got engaged with the woman. The other guy expressed his love at the engagment party. Why do people not express their love when they have their chance?
Amelia and her husband caught their 15 year old neighbor boy "peeping" on them. Amelia has 2 teenage daughters and suspects the neighbor boy is looking at them. Should Amelia alert the police? How should she address this situation?
Dr. Claudia offers more advice and staying safe from predators
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You need playtime to reduce your stress
Tired of being tired. Want to have joy in your life? Look at kids and see how easily they find joy. We say to ourselves, “Oh, sure, they don’t have our responsibilities and worries! It’s easy for them to be joyful”. The fact is that kids find joy in playtime and we don’t play. We don’t go out to play and we don’t play at home. We’ve lost that exuberance for play along the way. We’ve lost that ability to be silly and laugh with our whole bodies. It may feel childish to you, but go out and play. Play hopscotch; get on a swing and feel the wind in your hair. Talk about a childhood experience. Learn how to play a basic musical instrument, hit a tennis ball against a wall, get a karaoke machine and let it rip. Let go of the competition and control. Play your cares away. You won’t need to do it every day, but you’ll be refreshed and restored from letting go.
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Here’s how to tell when you need help
You wouldn’t think twice about getting medical care if you had a 105 fever, right? But, what if you were feeling really overwhelmed every day and what if you get sick a lot, would you think you need help? Probably not. Do you notice that you’re drinking more than you used to and that you’re not as productive mostly because it’s so hard to concentrate? OK, maybe. Are you a little worried that you’re not excited about anything anymore and you don’t look forward to anything? Yeah, something’s going on. Now, your friends are concerned, and they say you’re pulling away from them. You’re struggling in your relationships, especially the romantic ones. Ready to do something yet? No? Well, how about this? You keep making the same “life” mistakes and now, you can’t sleep because there’s so much noise in your mind. This list is a screaming call to action. Get in to see a therapist right away and work on your life before you lose control of it.
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Omega-3 fish oil really does help kids with ADHD
If your child with Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder has a low level of omega-3 in their blood, high doses of this fatty acid just may help bring those symptoms under control. Fatty acids aren’t made by the body, so it’s necessary to get them from your diet. American children are known to have insufficient levels in their bloodstream. But, because too much of this essential nutrient can make symptoms much worse, it’s very important to speak with your child’s psychiatrist or pediatrician to see if they can benefit. Do not, under any circumstances, give your child a supplement, without your doctor’s approval. Supplement toxicity is real. Even if you see signs of omega-3 deficiency such as dry skin, eczema or dry eyes, you must have a medical consultation. This approach of personalized medication might be just right for your child.
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It’s those 96 hours that can break you.
Just describing it right now is enough to make you tremble. Yes, getting your kids into the car is a nightmare, especially if they’re 2 or 3 years old. Did you realize that it takes you an average of 10 minutes to get your child ready and into the car? Did you factor that into your “drop dead” exit time when you absolutely, positively have to be at work? Oh, is that why you’re late at least once a week? You actually might need an extra 40 minutes or longer to get where you’re going when you have the kids in tow. Every year, that’s 96 hours or 4 full days to get jackets on, seat belts clicked, shoes tied, potty breaks and the rest of it. My recommendation is to embrace the horror. This time of life doesn’t last forever. Be realistic about how much time you really need and schedule it. Don’t make life harder than it needs to be.
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Signs you might be getting dumped
Got that uneasy feeling about where your relationship might be headed? Pay attention because there are signs that you’ll be solo soon and you need to get ahead of this. Is your partner willing to skirmish over the smallest things? What about forgetting to call or text just to touch base in that “I’m thinking of you” kinda way? Is your hunny bunny more critical of just about everything you do and say? Has she upped her game in terms of how she looks? Did she change her hair color and lose 20 pounds? Is he not all that interested in romance? You could be losing your relationship. If you think it’s worth fighting for, then get in the ring. Sit down and have a serious talk. Your sweetheart may have misinterpreted some little thing you said or did and now, their boots are on and they’re walking out the door. If it’s meant to be, then work for it. If you get married, it sure isn’t going to be easier.
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Jose and his wife will not have as much money to spend on Christmas this year for their son and daughter. What should Jose do to still show appreciation and gratitude with his children and family, without them being upset over not getting as much stuff or things?
Roxanne is gaining weight while in lockdown, even though she's been working out. Could this be because of stress?
Micki and her husband have differing opinions on what they should do with their 3 year old daughter. Should they put her into pre-school or let her stay with grandma until kindergarten? Are there benefits to daycare vs. time with grandma?
Ben's 14 year old daughter has been receiving photos from an older male stalker who's been sending naked pictures of himself to her phone. Ben's dealing with the police on the issue, but how does handle this with his daughter going forward?
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Ladies, if you want your men to listen to you, stop talking so much - get straight to the point
Maggie's 30 yr old daughter says she's a "professional gambler". When she does well, Maggie doesn't hear from her, but when she's lost, she moves back in with Maggie. How should Maggie deal with this to avoid this pattern from reoccurring?
Shawn's 2 yr old son constantly escapes out of his crib. He's been found outside wandering in the middle of the night. What should Shawn do to help prevent this?
Josie's ex is 45 and he's marrying another woman who is high maintenance who's never been married. She's demanding more time from her ex which is taking time away from their kids. How should Josie deal with this with her ex-husband?
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A sleep divorce can save your marriage
Many American couples struggle to sleep with their partners due to different sleep schedules, constant tossing and turning, snoring, use of digital devices, and an assortment of sleep disorders. It’s thought that 75% of us believe that sharing a sleep space with them results in poor quality sleep. Some couples buy a bigger bed, use separate blankets, sync up their sleep schedules and yes, many give up and just sleep in separate beds or rooms. It’s either this kind of “sleep divorce” or an actual divorce because sleepless nights lead to more fights with their partners and less intimacy. Ten percent of adults confess that their sleep problems cause them to consider a breakup entirely. But, stop! If you get a sleep divorce, your relationship is likely to improve! Don’t sleep on it. Take action today!
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Educated, married Moms have their first baby in spring
Were you able to time the birth of your firstborn? Did you plan conception to have a spring birth? Did you do that to avoid the peak of the flu season? There is a trend among educated, married American Moms to give birth in the spring to avoid the sick season. Teachers, library workers and those in the training sector also want to give birth in the spring to give themselves more time to spend with baby in the summer considering the short maternity leave of employers. Most parents used to strive for a summer birth and understanding the new trends helps policy makers to design programs for job flexibility and to meet child health and educational needs. With the majority of kids being born in the spring, it’s likely that the number of kindergarten and first grade classes will increase to meet the demand. Parents’ behavior can have far-reaching effects.
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Prepping your baby for the 5th grade
Want your child to be a successful student in the 5th grade? It all starts in the cradle. The three most important factors to academics are the child’s participation in learning activities, access to educational materials and the quality of their parents’ interactions with them. Parents who are diligent about storytelling and casual conversation set those positive habits in place and they stick, for at least 10 years, long enough to get them through the 5th grade. What we’re talking about here is language development and building the fundamental blocks of reading. Both of these require listening and reasoning skills, as well as attention. This very early learning environment sets your child up for success. It’s especially important for those children from low income settings who have fewer chances to succeed. Learning skills don’t develop overnight.
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George Carlin’s 7 Dirty words
George Carlin, comedian, actor, writer, social critic, and 5-time Grammy Award winner was one of the most famous counterculture comedians in history. In 1972, he generated a list of the 7 dirty words you can’t say on television. Nearly 50 years later, those words are used in literature 28 times more than they were in the 1950’s according to researchers who evaluated thousands of American English books looking for Carlin’s list of words. And they found them, plenty of them. The increase in profanity is only a part of the expanding cultural trend toward free expression and individualism. Later in life, Carlin narrated the Thomas the Tank Engine series in order to show people a different side of him, obviously, without the 7 dirty words. Oh, how times have changed!
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Our biggest mistake
We humans have made mistakes since the beginning of time. The average person makes about 774,000 decisions in their lifetimes and we regret 25% of them. Considering these massive numbers, what’s the biggest mistake that everyone of us makes? It’s that we assume everything will be the same tomorrow when, in fact, nothing ever stays the same. We live in an “ocean of motion” and everything is changing, including us. If we persist with this thinking, we won’t be prepared for the work ahead and, we’re sure to have regrets. Life is unpredictable, so don’t take tomorrow for granted. If you make the most of today, there’s a very good chance that tomorrow will be better than you could have ever hoped for. The dynamic leader of the cosmetics industry, Mary Kay Ash, was known to encourage people to join the DIN-DIN Club. Do it now…Do it now.
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Marco's brother married a woman with a 4 year old son. The boy is 11 now and is a nightmare. When he comes over he hides/disappears, and then steals things. He hurt and abused their cat. Vet filed an animal abuse report on the child. Marco's brother upset report was filed. What should Marco do now with his brother and his nephew?
Micki's 6 year old daughter told grandma (Micki's mother in law) that her father (Micki's husband) says that Micki drinks too much at home and is a "fatty". What should Micki do with this information, with her husband, herself, and with her daughter?
married with 2 kids, her husband is more cynical lately and irritable and is anxious for me to get back to work to shoulder the finanical load. He's acting crazier when he has busier weeks, but fine when he has a lighter workload. What is going on with him?
Warner and his wife in 80s are in good health, have sense of humor, and are writing their own obituaries right now. This is upsetting their children, but Warner says they're just having fun. How should they handle this with their kids?
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Is your child getting the appropriate amount of education with you playing teacher during Covid? Odds say yes you are. / Tips and resources you can use to teach your child.
Returning to school as a teacher in a Covid Hot zone. / Barb's boss is asking her to do his personal errands in addition to her actual job duties. How should Barb deal with this? Should she go to HR or deal directly with her boss?
Andre's son is becoming a police officer and was sharing this with his grocery store cashier friend. The lady behind him in line railed against him for allowing his son to be another "murderer". Andre wants to know what happened to the lady behind him in line and how should have dealed with this?
Allison's 24 yr old daughter works at a law firm and is having an affair with married man partner of the law firm that is 20 years older than her. He has a family with kids. How does Allison talk to her daughter about this to help her daughter?
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Heart attacks are a greater threat for women than men
The medical world seems to focus on heart attack risk for men, but we girls, we’ve got our own serious issues with cardiac disease. Once we have a heart attack, we’re 150% more likely to die less than a year after it. We survive the cardiac event and then suffer an early death because we’re so demanding of ourselves. In daily life, we have different expectations than men and we start right back up taking care of everybody and everything. It’s the mental strain, especially, depression, which compromises our recovery. Ladies, get checked for coronary artery disease such as clogged arteries from high cholesterol before it’s too late. While you’re at it, get checked for high blood pressure and diabetes which trigger cardiac problems. Check your mental health, too. And, if you have a heart attack, stay close to your doctor to improve your chances of long-term survival.
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Siblings of kids with autism aren’t fully vaccinated
The war against vaccinations continues, placing children and all of us at risk for getting dangerous diseases that were once conquered. The total lack of evidence that vaccines are related to autism can’t stop the fear. When emotions are in play, the reasoning part of the brain gets hijacked. It also gets hijacked by timing. Because many kids are diagnosed with autism when they’re getting the most shots, the brain says the two events are connected, even when they’re not. Children with autism and their siblings are less likely to be vaccinated. Several partially or completely unvaccinated children living together greatly raises the risk of disease outbreaks. If your child’s autism was caused by a genetic disorder, birth trauma, IVF or prematurity, vaccines weren’t the tipping point. Get the kids vaccinated! You can’t live with the consequences.
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High blood pressure and overtime
Thinking of staying an extra hour at the office twice a week? Think again. All those extra hours help the company, but you’re playing fast and loose with your blood pressure. If you’re working 49 hours a week, you’re 70% more likely to develop masked hypertension which is a hidden form of high blood pressure that’s really hard to diagnose. It doesn’t show up on typical blood pressure tests. If you’re at work 49 hours a week, you’re also likely to have the more regular, sustained high blood pressure than those who work less. Who cares? You will when you develop heart disease and kidney failure, but then, you’ll be in treatment mode which is painful and expensive. Talk with your doctor about getting your blood pressure checked over longer periods of time by wearing a monitor. Don’t wait until it’s too late. Stay healthy for yourself and your family.
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Struggles with masculinity and school shootings
Could struggling with masculinity be the cause of school shootings? Yes, it is. A 20-year study of 31 boys involved in 29 school shootings proved it. Their motives were related to a lack of acceptance from their peers which led to grudges against classmates and teachers, ending in anger, depression and violence. At the bottom of this were their reputations for not being masculine enough. All of these boys were bullied for not being masculine or were rejected by female classmates which added to their distress. They were taunted with labels such as “homo” and “cry baby” which further damaged them. Many of the shooters had serious mental health diagnoses and many others came from abusive homes. About a third of the boys reacted with explosive outbursts to stress. Students need to be taught about the unintended consequences of bullying.
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Oops! She did it again!
Think your parents and grandparents are trying to embarrass you in front of everyone? Think they’re insensitive and careless? It might be or it might not be. Here’s the story. Older folks share details that they consider to be relevant to the conversation. The problem here is that there’s a glitch in attention-switching skills which keeps them from taking into account who is around them when they’re talking. As a result, they share private information which should remain private. Want to know who else understand this? Criminals. Criminals take advantage of older folks who spill all of the beans to anyone on the phone if the criminal is kindly. Oh sure, the criminals don’t understand the “why” behind the “what”, they only know the older folks tell it all. Grandma’s not trying to embarrass you, she’s just getting older. Be kind to her. It’ll be your turn soon enough.
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Bridget's daughter's boyfriend is leaving to go to college. Daughter is going to different school. They've been together for 2 years. The relationship will probably end. How can Bridget help her daughter through this?
Baby was born with the coronavirus after mother had contracted the virus
Lonnie's wife laughed and told their friends that he wet the bed until he was 15 after his mother shared this information to his wife. Lonnie is upset and embarassed that she told their friends. What should Lonnie do?
Sharon dated a guy who she found out was married. Her initial instincts said he was married, but she didn't listen and went forward. She found out by calling the man's wife, when he lied and sad his wife was his cousin.
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Reducing your news intake during Covid can make you feel better. / More people are drinking and looking for affairs during Covid
Kanye West's bipolar episode / Andrew smokes just a few cigarettes every once in awhile, but thinks he's a non-smoker and says so on dating websites. He's doesn't understand why women he dates get upset when he lights up because he said he's a non smoker on the site
Be aware of your surroundings while out during Covid- people are on edge / Graduations during Covid
Keith's brother in law works in ER Room, and brings up stories that are considered gross at dinners and social events, and he won't stop telling these stories when we've asked. Guests are upset about this too. How can Keith get through to him?
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Even jellyfish sleep at night!
Jellyfish don’t have brains. They sleep upside down, deep on the ocean floor. They don’t do much during the day, except to gently pulsate, but this is still enough for them to want a good night’s sleep. They don’t have eyes, so they can’t get any “shut eye” and they don’t have a brain, so why do they sleep? They need to sleep like other brainless animals such as worms and fruit flies because they just get sleepy. Even plants sleep. When jellyfish are disturbed at night, they take naps during the day. We’re talking brainless jellyfish with no eyes taking naps. If they were moved while they slept, they woke up and went right back to the ocean floor. Scientists proved that sleep developed hundreds of millions of years ago before brains evolved. Be as smart as jellyfish. Get yourself in bed and go to sleep.
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An operating room cap could save your life
Medical staff in operating rooms wear the same clothes and frankly, most of them look the same. How do they know who’s who? They don’t. An Australian doctor began the “cap challenge” in order to reduce medical mistakes. It’s also fun and easy. Everyone in the operating room writes their name and job on their surgical caps. Since many doctors work in multiple hospitals, they’re not always sure who’s on their team which can lead to problems. In the US, there are a quarter million deaths related to medical errors which is the third leading cause of death after heart disease and cancer. Dr. Rob took a lot of teasing at first such as being asked if he had forgotten his own name. But then, he started buying coffee for those who played along. Everyone saw how a simple solution could be so time-saving and life-saving. Now, medical students won’t be mistaken for seasoned surgeons.
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Stop sleeping on planes
If you’re one of those people who goes to sleep once the jet reaches cruising altitude, you might want to rethink your air travel habits. There’s a high price for not paying attention to what’s going on. You could suffer from ear barotrauma. This happens when you don’t take steps to clear the Eustachian tubes when the outside air pressure doesn’t match the inner pressure. This mismatch usually occurs on takeoff and landing. If the tube stays blocked, fluids could build up behind the eardrum causing pain and hearing problems. Set your cell phone or other device to wake up and prepare. Flight attendants wake up sleeping people because they want everyone to be ready for landing, but they might overlook you if they’re busy. Don’t risk hearing damage. Take care of your own needs. You don’t want to be distracted by ear pain and muffled hearing once you land.
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If you smoke cigarettes, it’s easier to smoke pot
If you smoke cigarettes, you’re 10 times more likely to start smoking pot daily. Makes sense, right? The behavioral habits are already strongly established. The big problem is that this is especially true for kids. About a third of 12 to 17-year olds who smoke cigarettes start smoking pot every day. Kids, with their immature brains and lack of experience, think that pot is a healthier alternative to tobacco. It’s less addictive, less harmful with less stigma than cigarettes. Since pot may lessen the withdrawal from tobacco, people substitute marijuana to eventually stop smoking tobacco. One of the reasons for the decline in cigarette smoking might be due to the increase in using pot. Long-term use of marijuana includes memory loss and severe periodontal disease and jawbone loss. Do what you can to stop smoking anything.
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Be realistic. Let’s face it. We can’t live without phones.
We’ve heard the research about how unhealthy cell phones are for us. They might be related to brain cancer. We know that they interfere with sleep, sense of self-worth, relationships, memory, attention spans for sure. Creativity, productivity, and problem-solving skills take a real hit. Using them raises cortisol, the body’s main stress hormone. Even when we see our cellphone, cortisol increases because of our sense of obligation that it brings. It’s a tough cycle to break because cellphones cause the release of the body’s reward chemical, dopamine, which is why we spend, at least 4 hours a day on our phones. Yes, they’re necessary to life as we know it, so what can we do to reduce the damage? When you can, switch to a laptop or a desktop to reduce your “need”. Store your phone in a place that’s out of sight. Don’t let a digital device shorten your life span.
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Tina does not want her 19 year old daughter to get married to her boyfriend, who is arrogant. Tina is happy about corona virus lockdown because it's keeping her daughter from seeing her boyfriend. How can she influence her daughter and share her feelings without harming their mother/daughter relationship?
Raino has a dog he's owned for 15 years and the dog is at the end of his years, close to dying. Should he get a dog right away or wait awhile after his dog passes away?
Shelly got into daughter's journal while cleaning her room, read that her daughter is deciding to have sex with her boyfriend. Shelly wants to have a talk with her daughter about sex, but how can she do this without letting her know that she was snooping in her diary?
Patricia only remembers her parents fighting all the time and it was great when they got a divorce when Patricia was 12 years old. Patricia is now 32 and her mom is remarrying her father, but Patricia is upset about it, even though her mother says her father has changed and quit drinking for 10 years. What should Patricia do to handle this?
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PPP Loans and Kanye West's company - / Is having and taking care of a dog a good test for being able to handle having a baby?
Anita's husband borrowed $10,000 from her brother without telling her. She found out but her husband won't tell her what the money is for, and he's having trouble paying back her brother. How should Anita deal with this?
Wayne's 23 yr old nephew won $ three years ago. He now has blown through everything and has come to Wayne for a place to stay and start over. What should Wayne do?
14 year old daughter's friend was diagnosed with cancer. She is now scared and thinks that cancer is contagious. We're trying to teach her otherwise, but she's obsessed with this. Pediatrician recommends a therapist for her. What else should they do to help their daughter?
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What is this strange event about?
Yes, it’s rare and no, the doctors don’t know what causes it and there’s no treatment. After romance, men experience confusion, they can’t speak, read or write coherently, have severe muscle pain throughout their body, extreme fatigue, itchy eyes, fever and flu-like symptoms for about a week. It’s so rare that only 50 cases, all involving men, have been confirmed. The cause of the symptoms might be related to a flood of endorphins, the body’s opioids, that’s released into the bloodstream. This kind of rare and untreatable condition is certain to cause anxiety and depression as a result of feeling hopeless and helpless. The impact on relationships is severe. If you suffer from this condition, be aggressive about pursuing it. Search the National Institutes of Health to explore possible solutions.
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Women get happier after age 85
Hang on ladies. If you can make it to age 85, you’re likely to be happier. A survey of 8000 women found that 30% of them were diagnosable with depression. Why are women so miserable? Until age 85, we’re responsible for most of the household and care-giving chores. We’re exhausted from taking care of other people, putting ourselves last and sacrificing for everyone. Considering this level of exhaustion, it comes as no surprise to learn that the married men from the survey were much happier than the women, but the married women were depressed. The single, divorced and widowed men were also depressed. What’s the reason for women finding happiness after 85? Psychiatrists say that it’s because most of them were widowed. They enjoyed living alone. Ladies, it’s time to take care of ourselves first as much as we can.
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That one-night stand is forever
Think that one-night stand was just for one night? It isn’t. In fact, it’s forever. 63% of women have male DNA living in their brains. A very small number of women who have this male DNA could’ve gotten it from their male twin that was absorbed during pregnancy, miscarriages, or an older brother transferred by mother’s blood supply. Scientists believe that most women have these male cells from sexual activity because autopsies of elderly women revealed that some had been carrying male DNA in their brains for more than 50 years. The research proved that, when introduced into the mouth, the live organisms travel into the nasal passages, inner ear and behind the eyes. It ends up in your bloodstream where it collects in your brain and spine. Gives new meaning to “He’s really into you”, doesn’t it? Make healthy decisions.
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Sensory overload affects many of us
You’re in the mall, doing your weekend errands. You’re handling it pretty well, but suddenly, there’s a blast of music coming from the store you’re passing, and a group of people rush by you, buffeting you with their bags. You’re panicked. What’s going on? You’ve just had an attack of “sensory overload”. When this happens, lights become too bright, sounds are too loud, you can smell odors more intensely and the slightest touch can feel like an attack. We began learning about sensory processing disorders from those with autism, but it also occurs with physical and mental health conditions such as anxiety, chronic fatigue, migraines, schizophrenia and fibromyalgia. If you have these conditions, be careful about over-scheduling yourself. Going into a sensory intense location when you’re rushed might not end well. Set yourself up for success.
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New research on women and heart disease
Admit it. We women think we’re kinda in the clear when it comes to heart disease because we have estrogen. New research says we need to reconsider this thinking. Apparently, women’s blood vessels experience time and age at different rates than men. The cascade of heart disease typically starts with high blood pressure. And the bad news is that we women start to show high blood pressure much earlier than men do. There’s a reason why high blood pressure is called the silent killer. The problems it causes aren’t felt until there’s a cardiac event or kidneys fail. Blood pressure thresholds for women and men need to be changed because women develop high blood pressure earlier. The way that women’s heart health is evaluated should be upgraded in light of this ongoing research.
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We're suffering from circadian rythm disorders, sleep disorders during lockdown / Rex wants to know how to handle his sleep disorders. He's worried about this affecting his work. What should he do?
Maureen's 43 year old husband has been diagnosed with breast cancer. She's surprised at how many men don't know that this can happen, and how many friends chuckle at this. How can she handle all of this?
Theo is torn between two loves...his girlfriend of a year and his dog. Girlfriend said how much she loved his dog while they were dating. She now is irritated with the dog and wants him to get rid of him. What should he do? Should he break up with her over this?
Carol is 20 and she's dating a 50 year old man. Is it possible to get her parents on board with this relationshp? Is Carol's relationship more of a dream and less of reality?
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Father who found out teen son assaulted woman, made his son turn himself in or he would alert the police to him
Lori Laughlin and husband thrown out of their prestigious Bel Air Country Club / Caller's wife has just changed political parties, how can he handle this now that they have opposing political views?
Marlene is freaking out over pandemic, and is worried what will happen to the economy. How can she cope and stop catastrophising?
4th of July / 3 of the first 5 presidents died on 4th of July / Importance of having kids back in school, social routine and structure, to prevent mental helath disorders.
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Lose fat in your tongue to avoid sleep apnea
Is a fat tongue related to sleep apnea? Yes, it could be causing snoring, choking, gasping or having periods when you stop breathing during the night. Obesity is a major cause of sleep apnea. People with the obstructive form of apnea had considerably larger tongues with higher levels of fat than obese people without apnea. Yes, the tongue is a muscle, but it’s also marbled with fat. You can trim down your tongue if you lose body fat and the more you lose, the less symptoms you’ll have. Apnea not only impacts your sleep, but it damages your brain, can increase your blood pressure, cause depression and increase your risk for heart disease, stroke and diabetes. 30 million Americans suffer from it. Accidents, health care and the loss of productivity costs nearly $150 billion a year. Sleep better by losing weight.
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Men, you don’t even realize it
Evolution depends entirely on a person’s ability to reproduce. Men aren’t conscious of the ways in which they make the decision, but this process has a significant influence over their emotions. Men are attracted to women who are 2 to 4 inches taller than average and who have lower waist-to-hip ratios meaning that waists are smaller than hips. This ratio signals sexual maturity, but also indicates higher levels of brain-building nutrients important during pregnancy and breastfeeding. Wider hips mean a greater potential to survive childbirth. But, as long-term partners, 75% of men say they focus more on the face than the body. Men are hardwired to consider age, attractiveness and health to gauge a woman’s fertility and these cues appear on the face. Nature always finds a way.
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Banned drug may lead to ADHD
A pregnancy drug banned decades ago because it caused cancer in women has been found to have side effects that continue for generations. The synthetic estrogen known as DES was designed to prevent miscarriage, pregnancy complications, and premature birth. 10 million American women took the drug. Now, the grandchildren of women who took DES during pregnancy are 36% more likely to be diagnosed with ADHD than other kids. Why? Females are born with all of the eggs they’ll ever have during their lives. If their mothers took DES while pregnant, then those eggs were exposed, leading to damage in the grandchildren. Just like DES, chemicals in plastic, pesticides, detergents and cosmetics can also impact generations of children. Be aware of the products and medications you consume.
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The list of what men want
The list of qualities men think are important in a woman is short. When men were surveyed, the top 4 important qualities included that they be good looking, have a sense of humor, be intelligent and have cooking skills. It’s along the lines of the expected, but seems somewhat short-sighted. Beauty fades. With every child who comes along, there’s less time to devote to appearance. Cooking skills can improve as time goes on, and those smarts and sense of humor will get sharper with age. Men underestimate the power of a woman’s intelligence. If she’s smart, her sons will inherit her IQ. Smart women are capable of earning big bucks, but men think beauty is #1 and smarts rank at #3. A sense of humor, ranked at #2, is related to strong intelligence, so, it’s a two-fer. If men choose beauty over all other qualities, they’ll have to live with that decision.
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I’ll sleep when I’m dead and other excuses
We all say it. “I’ll sleep when I’m dead” as an excuse for our constant sleep deprivation. We also say, “I’ll exercise when I’m retired. I just don’t have time”. Even when we do retire, we’ll move around a little more, but we’ll still have a terrible diet. We still eat the way we did when we were average Joes on the job. We have great intentions, but don’t follow through. As we age, we have even greater levels of obesity and with that comes higher blood pressure and blood sugar. Retirement was once thought of as a time to “re-boot” our lives, but apparently, we’ve decided to mostly sit. It’s a case of “you rest, you rust”. Yes, we’re kinda’ tired from working all those years, so go ahead and sleep late for a few months, adjust to your new lifestyle and take some time to plot the course for the rest of your life. Make sure you include plans for exercise and healthier eating.
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Linda's daughter in law is a radical liberal. Linda is conservative and having hard time dealing with her daughter in law. Her daughter in law is keeping the kids away from her. How should she handle this?
Compromising with each other on wedding plans
Brant has had to spend his kid's college fund to keep his business afloat during Covid lockdown. His son is stressed out about this, but it was Brant's money. How should Brant deal with this?
Carlene is married but still jealous over her husband's ex-girlfriend. She's struggling seeing the ex's beauty and success over the last few years. Should Carlene see a therapist? What should she do?
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This man's wife was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder, has since divorced. His friend has started dating his now ex-wife. How should he handle this?
The importance of early childhood education. / Joyce's husband dresses terribly. How can she help him?
Amile's 12 year old daughter has ADHD, nothing is helping her, medications have been tried. She was diagnosed at 8. What else can he do to help her?
Tamara's father in law wants to talk to her about his romantic life. She's afraid of what her father in law is wanting to ask her. How should she approach this?
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The reality of the e-cigarettes
Electronic cigarettes have been promoted as a safe alternative to natural tobacco. We now know that e-cigarettes are very dangerous, especially for teens and younger kids. Research done by the University of Connecticut proved that nicotine e-cigarettes are just as harmful to human cells as unfiltered tobacco products. And, the non-nicotine e-cigarettes caused damage to cells just like filtered tobacco cigarettes do. Even if you don’t have the hideous mouth sores, that hacking cough, and even if you don’t come down with chronic bronchitis or have shortness of breath, chest pain, nausea, vomiting or diarrhea, you’re still doing a tremendous amount of damage to your lungs and your overall health. The FDA was very late in investigating the safety of vaping, especially the chemicals involved. It’s up to us to be wary of new products. Stop vaping now!
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Why is sitting too much killing us?
Doctors want to know why sitting is killing us. Researchers set out to find the answer. They found a weight scale in our bodies and if we sit too long, the scale warns us, “Uh oh, your weight is too low, eat, eat!” We need to stand more in order for the scales in our body to actually read our weight accurately. The researchers put 2-pound vests on a group of volunteers and 24-pound vests on another group. Wearing the vests for 8 hours a day, those with the heavier vests lost 4 pounds in 3 weeks. The fat was reduced, but the muscle mass didn’t change. The fat was reduced far more than if someone exercised. The only important question left to answer is “What kind of fat was lost? Was it the dangerous stuff around the organs or the stuff just under the skin?” There’s lots to learn, but one thing you need to do is get up and move around!
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It’s parentese, not baby talk, that will boost language skills.
Not the kind of parent who says, “Are wu mommy’s widdle baby?”; well, you’re in for a nice surprise. It’s actually real words and correct grammar, presented in a higher pitch with a slower rate along with exaggerated pronunciation and inflection that helps to boost baby’s language development. You may recognize this language as “motherese”, but now, in our society, it’s “parentese” because not just moms use it. Everybody does! Speaking parentese helps baby to tune in socially and encourages responses even if it’s just babbling. Parentese has 3 features: the pitch is about an octave higher; it sounds excited and happy and the vocal contours are exaggerated meaning that the highs and higher and the lows are lower. Speaking, singing and reading to baby are great ways to enhance bonding and improve their thinking skills. Enjoy!
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All it takes is 11 minutes
Do you get that itch for a drink? Trying to cut back, but just can’t get past that itch? There might be an answer for you. An 11-minute mindfulness session may help you to overcome that temporary distress. By moving past the period when the craving hits, those bouts of heavy drinking, which often lead to alcoholism, can be checked. Practicing mindfulness will likely give you the power to make intentional choices instead of automatically reaching for a drink when you feel the craving. The benefits of this kind of intervention are seen quickly. First, you respond positively to your self-restraint and secondly, you come to understand that this brief intervention can help you to cut back which will improve your health. At the very least, it may slow your race toward chronic alcoholism.
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Faith and prayer improve well-being
It doesn’t matter if you’re a believer, a former believer or a non-believer, if you’re 65 or older and you pray and have faith in a higher power, you’re going to have greater well-being. If you perceive G-d as merciful and intimate, you’ll experience more benefit than if you view G-d as being demanding and distant. Prayer isn’t for everyone and some people might have adverse side effects. If you’re older and experiencing declining health, maybe even age discrimination, increased stress, a loss of friends or family and a loss of financial or personal freedom, then you’re in the group who benefits the most from praying to a loving G-d. Older people, approaching the end of their lives, may see this time as a chance to make amends with G-d, just as they might with a friend. Engaging with a loving and all-powerful G-d brings comfort to the lives of our elders.
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Kevin had an affair but thought he had worked things out with his wife. He spent a year making things up, buying her a car, taking her on trips, but she left him after a year anyway. She let him know she took all the free things he gave her the last year as reparations and had intended to divorce him anyway. Kevin wants to know how this could happen.
is upset that his son and daughter in law are doing a big fireworks "gender reveal party" and thinks it's a big waste of money. Does he have reason to be offended?
Can a 10 year old girl handle visiting her father in a prison? Should you take the girl to see her father who is serving time for white collar crime? The daughter is worried for her father's safety. Will visiting him help her cope with her feelings?
Blaine's wife's brother is a drunk and bully, manipulative, wealthy, married 4 times. Blaine's daughter is getting married and is not inviting him, but he's upset, says he'll give her $10k wedding gift and says she'll be sorry if she doesn't invite him. What should Blaine's daughter do?
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Gayle is thinking about dating guy she met online who is separated but not divorced. Is this a good idea?
Peggy's widowed sister is moving out of her longtime house and into a retirement community. Peggy notices loads of boxes with keepsakes pertaining to the kids, but no keepsakes of memories, pictures, etc. of her husband.
Bonnie regrets having told her friend something intimate about her and her husband. How can she make sure her friend keeps her secret? Is it possible?
Sterling's 84 year old mother is living "separate but apart" with a man she met online. He's worried that his mother might be taken advantage of, even though she is fully healthy, mentally and physically. Should Sterling be worried or is he over stepping his bounds?
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Does having your tonsils out make you sicker?
Is having your tonsils and adenoids removed when you’re a kid make you vulnerable to other diseases as an adult? Yes, according to a very large and long-term study. Removing tonsils relieves breathing problems or recurring throat infections, but, later in life, there’s a 300% chance of getting more upper respiratory infections such as colds and bronchitis. If the adenoids, the glands at the roof of the mouth that are usually removed to help with chronic ear infections, are taken out, the risk of COPD doubles. It’s recommended that these surgeries be delayed until after age 9 to give the immune system time to develop. All of this may be true, but when kids have chronic ear infections which cripple hearing and language development and then, impair reading and writing skills, something has to happen.
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When should you say, “I love you”?
It’s just so awkward, trying to figure out when to say, “I love you”. Do you wait for the other person to “go first” or do you leap right in? The advice is both common and conflicting. Some say to wait at least 5 dates or 2 months or when you’re absolutely bursting. The issue isn’t of timing, but of time. You should say it when you feel it. Profound love needs time to develop, but you have to start somewhere, right? Profound love requires shared experiences and events, thousands of acts of nurturing, just the sheer amount of time that you spend together. Actions speak louder than words. What matters is how profound the love is and not who says it first. Men tend to say it first while women are reserved. If you’re not sure, take your time, then, take your emotional temperature to determine if these feelings will grow or if someone else is in your heart.
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Smartphone addiction can change your brain
We all know how powerful smartphones are, but do we really know what they can do to our brains? New research proves that phones can change your brain’s physical shape and size. If you can’t seem to live without your phone and you panic if it’s not nearby, you just might have a lower volume of grey matter in some key parts of your brain. Grey matter is in the regions where thinking happens because the brain cells are there. Plus, if you’re truly addicted to your smartphone, there’s less activity in your brain, overall. These patterns are seen in drug addicts. This research is the first of its kind to link cell phone use to actual changes in the brain. Considering that 53% of kids younger than 7 have cell phones, we have to ask ourselves, “What are we doing?” Remember this information when your 10-year old starts whining for a phone. You wouldn’t give them vodka, would you?
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Cannabis users need a lot more sedation
The widespread use of cannabis products has created opportunities for research into its impact on all areas of society and the medical field, in particular. Using sedatives is tricky business and for procedures such as colonoscopies, anesthesiologists are finding that patients who smoke pot or use cannabis edibles daily or weekly require a whole lot more medication to get them to float away. In a recent study, patients needed 14% more fentanyl, 20% more midazolam and a whopping 220% more propofol to achieve sedation for these routine procedures. Don’t even think about lying to the anesthesiologist who talks to you before the procedure. Tell the truth. This isn’t about judgment. It’s about keeping you from waking up once a tube has been put up your yee-haw. Be smart.
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Is the universe telling you that you’re on the wrong path?
You don’t need a psychic to tell you that you’re on the wrong path. Just listen to the universe inside you. Are you making a decision based on what other people might think? Wrong path. When you think about your future, is the first flicker of emotion negative? Wrong path. Are you constantly feeling deeply, deeply tired? Wrong path. Are you always defending your choices to yourself and others? Wrong path. Life is not supposed to be fear, exhaustion, and playing defense. If you’re living in Miseryville and working really hard at something and making no progress, listen to the universe. Pay attention to the sign that says, “Wrong way, do not enter”. Sit down and truly think about your life. What is the one thing at the core of your misery? Can it be changed? Change it. No? Then find ways to balance the misery with good health and ride it out until you can escape.
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Marcella hates talking to her husband's secretary, in person or over phone. The secretary is super flirty and overly touchy, huggy with Marcella's husband. The husband's not going to cheat, but how should Marcella address this with her husband, that she doesn't like the secreatry
The importance of routines, especially coming back to work out of Covid lockdown. Avoiding smoking pot and drinking, to avoid anxiety and depression
Rose's daughter is 24, is always on her phone and doesn't pay attention to me and her father when she comes over, her face is in her phone
Netty is highly anxious during lockdown, watching the news of covid and protests, is living alone, and is overall anxious. She thinks she may need therapy. Is she right? Does she need therapy?
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Lisa's friend is drinking a lot and calls her to tell her drunkedly how much she loves her. Lisa's friend says she doesn't have a problem, she only drinks on the weekend. What should she do to help her friend?
Kiefer wonders why his daughter doesn't post or share any pictures of their grand kids on social media. He wants to be more involved with his family this way.
Diane's only daughter is 12 and mom is finding it harder to have conversation with her. Her daughter only answers with one word and is annoyed when mom tries to just have normal conversation. What should mom do?
NFL players and their personal stories
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Lewy body dementia and contact sports
People who played contact sports such as football, ice hockey and boxing, have a 6 times greater risk of developing the devastating brain condition of Lewy Body Dementia or LBD. While doing research to learn about brain injury in football players, scientists found that not only did the players suffer from brain damage, but they had a separate condition of Lewy Body Dementia. It causes problems with movement, thinking skills, sleep, depression, visual hallucinations and can lead to Parkinson’s disease. If a player has brain damage and goes on to have symptoms of Parkinson’s, Lewy Body Dementia should be considered. It’s scary out there in the world of contact sports, but not every athlete develops these conditions. Robin Williams had a diagnosis of LBD and it may have played a role in his suicide.
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Are you the one parent who doesn’t want to medicate?
When divorced parents have a child with Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder and only one parent believes that medication is in the child’s best interest, it becomes a power struggle. The retaliatory behavior of one parent can lead to a child not getting treatment. Parents are under the impression that if one of them says “No” to treatment, then that’s it. An ex-parte procedure can be requested whereby they go into court, give the judge the diagnostic report and ask that their child be treated for the condition. It would be best if there was also a letter from a child psychiatrist confirming the diagnosis and stating that they are willing to treat the child and work with both parents. If one parent refused to participate in the assessment, be prepared to show proof. I testified about my assessments that led to an ADHD diagnosis and in each case, the judge approved treatment.
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If you’re a sadist, you love revenge
People who enjoy seeing others in pain are more likely to embrace vengeance against those who’ve harmed them. They’re sadists. And, the level to which they’re sadistic predicts the lengths they will go to to satisfy their need to exact revenge. They’re particularly skilled at identifying the revenge that will inflict the most pain, be it stealing a beloved item, posting sexual content or hurting a loved one. Revenge may erupt into a school shooting, a firebombed home or a car set ablaze. Violence and aggression are the most common forms of revenge. Murderers and terrorists report that they committed crimes out of retribution, and we’ve seen the kind of damage they can wreak on a society. Understanding revenge is critical to nipping violence in the bud. It’s time to take measures to identify those people who display sadistic tendencies.
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Your diet could blind you
It’s not just your weight that takes a hit if you eat fried foods, processed meats, full-fat dairy and refined grains, you also triple the risk of developing macular degeneration, a condition that could leave you legally blind. Years after consistently eating large quantities of these unhealthy foods, you may suddenly find yourself with late stage macular degeneration and there’s no treatment. Have your eyes checked regularly and if you’re in the initial stages, talk with your doctor about a diet that will reduce the worsening effects. It’s likely that your doctor has scolded you already about your weight and stroke, high blood pressure, diabetes and heart conditions. You ignored the warnings because you’re not having any problems. “I feel fine!”, you say, but once you hear you might be going blind, you’ll pay attention. We can only hope it’s not too late.
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Having kids means less sleep for you, mom, but not dad
Mothers suffer more than anyone else when it comes to getting a good night’s sleep. In a study of people’s sleep patterns, the only consistent factor was kids. Women without kids get at least 7 hours a night and those with kids, less than half get 7 hours. We’re tired more days of the month than women with no kids at home. But dads? Their sleeping habits weren’t changed with or without kids. Not only are we Moms not getting enough sleep, but the moment our feet hit the ground, we’re taking care of everyone and everything, so there’s good reasons why we’re tired. The house, the job, the kids. For each kid in the house, the odds of us getting less than 6 hours of sleep is increased by 50%. Having too little sleep makes us vulnerable to disease and we’re cranky, too. Dads, pitch in and help so we can improve the odds of surviving our lives.
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Shayna wants to know if she has a poor body image, because she doesn't like her body "silhouette". Is this a problem?
Wedding season is approaching. What happens to our emotions while attending a wedding or group event?
Angie gets criticized by her friends that she's raising her child as a single parent, without the help of the father, because she sees the father as a bad influence. How does she deal with this?
Jill's best friend is getting married and she will be a bride's maid. Her ex boyfriend will be a groomsman. How should she deal with this?
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Witnessing the SpaceX rocket launch / Blackout Tuesday
Vaping can lead to a "slime cloak" after a few years / Ray has been sober for 1 year, now his old drinking friends are upset with him because he's not drinking. What should he do?
Can coronavirus be spread through mosquitos? Is wearing a mask beneficial? Alison wants to know if school will be coming back into session in the Fall.
Rhonda's husband was in accident a year ago and has been recovering. He's about to return to work, but his sleeping is out of whack. What's going on and how can he fix this?
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Work hard, but get out there and play!
Sure, you work hard, but you’d like to play even harder. Given a choice to get a raise or more time off, what would you choose? If you’re like nearly half of employees, you’d take the vacay. Most of us think that paid vacation time is a basic employee right. If a company’s paid time off is felt to be inferior to other companies, then job dissatisfaction sets in and that’s a huge problem. Employees are frequently asked to work during their vacations, resulting in the need for policies about boundaries between personal and business lives. When companies can’t afford raises, most employees are happy to have extra paid vacation time which leads to improved morale, less employee loss and building positive perceptions of their workplace. If you can’t have more money, you can have more time which are two of the most valuable commodities to adults. Going to the beach is cheap!
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Abstinence programs are useless
Are federally-funded abstinence programs effective as a way of getting kids to delay sex in order to prevent disease and pregnancy? Absolutely not. Saving yourself for marriage is an outdated notion as far as our general culture is concerned. Many teens are engaging earlier and getting married later. The focus needs to be on education. Teaching about the reality and consequences of being active early, having multiple partners, getting a disease, and contraception are far more effective than the “just say no” approach. Two billion dollars have been wasted on sex education, but kids aren’t being given the information they need in order to guide their behavior. An incomplete education leaves kids to figure it out for themselves, putting them at risk for potentially life-altering outcomes. Parents, take charge. Teach your kids what they need to know to protect their futures.
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Half of all opioid prescriptions
Would it shock you to learn that adults with mental illness receive more than half of the 115 million opioid prescriptions written in the US every year? People with mental health conditions represent only 16% of the population, but they get 50% of the opioids. People with psychiatric conditions are more likely than others to develop addictions because not only do the opioids relieve pain, they also relieve the mental health symptoms leading to long-term abuse. When doctors talk to patients about pain, it’s difficult to determine if the pain is coming from the mental illness or from physical problems. Since pain is an experience unique to the person, how do you know how much pain they’re in and where it’s coming from? There are no reliable methods for making this determination. What we’re sure of is that alternatives to opioids should be considered for those with mental illness.
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Every breath you take
Julius Caesar, with his dying breath on March 15, 44 B.C., expelled 25 sextillion gas molecules. That’s the number 25 followed by 21 zeroes. The gases that are expelled by every living thing are still floating around. The idea is that, with every breath, you’ve taken in one of Caesar’s gas molecules released on that fateful day. According to the theory, we’ve breathed in gas molecules from Moses, Jesus, Lincoln, Kennedy, Geronimo and your great-great-great-great grandparents. Physicists explain that the earth is the story of gases and we’re breathing in those same gases that formed the earth. We might be able to escape water and land, but we sure can’t escape the air. Remember, everything is connected. Many things really never do go away even if you can’t see them. Just a thought.
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No more clock faces for you!
Students just can’t tell time. They can only tell time when they have a digital clock. As a result, some schools are trashing their analog clocks. Those are the clocks with the faces and the numbers and the big hand and the little hand. It’s another wonderful, unintended consequence of the digital age. What will happen when the younger generation can’t read an analog clock and it’s the only one they have? They won’t know what’s going on or at least when it’s going on. Determining what time it is is a critical life skill and should be mastered by the time kids leave elementary school. We adults are slacking off. We’re not requiring our kids to use both ways of determining the time and it’s on us to make sure it happens. Have analog clocks around the house so that your kids are constantly exposed to them. Regularly test your middle schoolers to make certain they don’t get stuck if they don’t have a digital timepiece.
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Spring is the time for "reawakening" - appropriate for the time we're in coming out of Covid lockdown.
National Spelling Bee documentary is coming to Netflix. It shows great skills and qualities of learners, great to show your children
Darlene wants to know how to talk to children about abortion. Is it a good idea to have this conversation with young kids?
Cody is upset with wife for leaving dirty dishes everywhere and not putting them in the dishwasher. How can he get her to start putting the dirty dishes in the dishwasher?
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Priscilla's mother in law continues to post pictures of her 3 and 5 year olds on social media, against Priscilla's wishes. How does she get mom-in-law to stop?
Josh has decided to divorce his wife after considering it during Covid lockdown - he wants to hookup with one of his coworkers - should he divorce and tell his coworker/potential lover?
Brenda wants to know if 6 year olds can be depressed. Her son is exhibiting signs of depression and anxiety since the lockdown has been going on. What can she do to help?
Bo - is considering not seeing a woman again because of their first kiss. Bo thinks she's a bad kisser. Is this a reason to break things off? What should Bo do?
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Pot smokers have a lower pain tolerance
There’s an opioid epidemic in America. Researchers have been going full blast to learn the reasons for people getting hooked on the stuff. One of the surprising findings is that marijuana users feel more pain. Smoking pot and using it in other ways lowers pain tolerance. This means that in order to manage pain, those who smoke pot need about a third more painkillers than those who don’t. It’s critical for medical staff to have a true sense of how much a patient was typically consuming pot before they became ill or injured and needed to have their pain treated. It’s critical that pot-smoking patients truthfully describe their use. Otherwise, they may be undermedicated for pain and their recovery may take longer. If they’re overtreated and given more pills to take without follow-up or supervision, they may become addicted. Complete transparency is necessary for effective medical management.
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Getting a second opinion is the smart thing to do
Got a health issue and you’re not sure about what you’re hearing from your doctor? Then go to somebody else. Take all of your records and see what someone else has to say. Doctors have different levels of intelligence, experience, training and curiosity. Just because they passed the licensing exams, doesn’t mean they know it all. It doesn’t mean that they’re competent. If you get a second opinion, there’s a 21% chance that you’ll come away with a different diagnosis and a 66% chance that you might leave with a refined version of your initial diagnosis. Regardless, all of it is helpful and if it gets you on the right track and helps you to be confident in the treatment approach, then it’s worth the time and effort. The more information you have, the more you can participate in treatment. Go ahead. Don’t worry about hurting the doctor’s feelings. It’s your life, after all.
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More pregnant women using pot for morning sickness
About 10% of pregnant women are smoking pot to ease morning sickness and anxiety associated with pregnancy. This is likely an underestimation because mothers-to-be don’t want to admit to smoking pot. Research is ongoing about its potential effects on the developing fetus. There’s no positive news here. Women who smoke pot while pregnant are giving birth to babies who are underweight resulting in future diagnoses of Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder and a wide variety of problems such as learning disabilities. These children also end up with social, emotional and behavioral problems. Decriminalization of pot and the fact that it’s being used to treat nausea and chronic pain associated with chemotherapy has convinced women that it’s safe to use for pregnancy-related stress and discomfort. It’s not safe. Talk with your doctor about alternatives for treatment.
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Is it really “happy wife, happy life”?
That old saying, “happy wife, happy life” may not be exactly true. In reality, it’s “happy wife, longer life”. It applies to both husbands and wives. Your spouse’s life satisfaction is associated with how long you’ll live regardless of money, gender, race, job or even your physical health. Why? If your spouse is unhappy, their lifestyle is likely to be unhealthy, and you get dragged down into that. If your spouse is depressed and ends up eating in front the tv all night, guess where you’ll be? It’s important to understand how your immediate social-emotional environment impacts you. This influence applies even if your partner isn’t supportive of you and even if you don’t have a meaningful relationship. As long as they have higher life satisfaction, you’ll benefit.
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Baby’s sleep problems and parents’ depression
Newborns don’t sleep. When they start making melatonin at about 3 months of age, then they’ll get on a schedule. Their parents don’t sleep, either. Do baby’s sleep problems lead to depression in parents? Yes. The sleep and depression connection was evident even after taking into consideration the expected fatigue of new parents. Parents who worried that they couldn’t manage their children’s sleep were more likely to have even higher levels of depression. This was true for both Mom and Dad. When parents get expert advice on how to help baby sleep, they get a huge mood boost. If they can find a way to get their child to sleep, their own state of mind and self-confidence are improved. Health care providers need to pay attention to what the parents of newborns are saying and parents, you need to ask for help if you’re struggling. Babies eventually grow up and go to sleep. Hang in there.
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Jenna's daughter going to preschool for the first time. What will her response be when I leave her? / Bahar's in-laws belittle her and beats her down on how she's raising her kids and how she's being a wife. She doesn't want to get a divorce. What should she do?
Junior has a new workplace "must do" list when we return to work from lockdown. It's a lot. How does he put all of the rules to practice?
Paulie's boyfriend took $600 from her and left with a moving truck as soon as lockdown was lifted. What does she do now?
Elaine's boyfriend broke up and sent email of all her faults as he saw them. Now he's reaching back out and wants to become friends. What should she do?
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Lori Loughlin and Mossimo Giannulli agree to plead guilty in college admissions scam. / Voting matters.
Families' lives are being disrupted because of lockdown and adversly effecting mental health. Opening up sooner than later will help.
Frank is retired now and has never taken medication for ADHD. Is it okay to start taking medication now?
When will live spectator sports come back after lockdown and what will that look like? / Kelly wants to know how her 4 year old boy will react going back to preschool after being with parents the last few months in lockdown.
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Are older doctors better than young ones?
Are you thinking that maybe your doctor is too old, and you want one who’s been trained more recently? Think again. Actually, older doctors with a heavy caseload do not have an increase in patient deaths. Older doctors have knowledge that can only be gained through experience. They can’t rest on that knowledge, though, and must keep up with the rapid changes that come with new research and technology. The importance of continuing education is critical. For those physicians older than 60 and younger than 40, there is a 1% increase in death which translates into one additional loss for every 77 patients admitted to the hospital. The research tells us that age should not be the primary factor in selecting your doctor. One of the most important elements in your relationship should be how well you and your doctor communicate. If you don’t have that connection, move on.
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The near miss will eventually kill you
People still text and drive. They drink and drive. Why? Is this some kind of mental illness or a death wish? No, it’s being human. We’re risk takers and sometimes, we don’t appreciate the consequences. The way in which we process information about risk makes it difficult for us to understand the true price of the consequences. When we think that we’ll get away with it, whatever it is, we engage in optimism bias also known as the “near miss” bias. We’ve driven hundreds of times and texted our friends as we went along. We’ve had a little too much to drink so many times and still got home without killing anybody that we ignore the fact those good outcomes, well, they were partially due to luck. You can’t buy luck, but you can reduce your need to rely on dumb luck, by being aware of how you’re thinking about taking risks and be smarter.
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Falling in love makes you healthier
Falling in love makes colors brighter and the world a happier place. It also has a major impact on your health. Love can improve a wide range of conditions. It takes the activity in 12 areas of the brain working together to make you fall in love. The first changes in the brain happen within one-fifth of a second of becoming smitten. When you are touched in loving ways, the pressure centers in the skin release oxytocin. Love creates a flood of dopamine and oxytocin that give you those feelings of trust and reduce your anxiety. Love improves your immune system making it easier for you to fight infection. Kissing calms histamine production which makes you miserable during allergy season. Dopamine makes your body release its natural painkillers. And when you kiss a lot, your cholesterol is lowered. Amazing! Love is healthy!
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Marijuana is legal, but not safe
Many states have passed laws that make using marijuana less of a crime. Unfortunately, a great many people “read” this decriminalization to mean that smoking pot is safe. It isn’t. Drivers involved in fatal accidents who have pot THC in their blood have increased more than 60%. Women who smoked pot during pregnancy had babies with low birth weight resulting in attentional problems and learning disorders. In both teens and adults, smoking pot decreased school and job performance mostly due to memory loss. Serious psychiatric disorders such as anxiety and depression are associated with pot. If you have heart disease, you’re more likely to have a heart attack in the hour after smoking. Pot can be useful to treat nausea and chronic pain associated with cancer treatments. Because there are some benefits, people still think it’s safe. It’s not.
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But, honey, I still worry about you.
Are you the parents of adult children? Still stressing about them? You’re not alone. Many of us worry as much about our kids now as we did when they were younger. Being a parent is an intensely powerful event. The fact that we’re wired to protect our kids means that this is to be expected, yet society tells us “18 and out”! Not so fast. We continue to provide financial and emotional support along with the worry. When mothers worry, the fathers sleep better. When the fathers worry, the mothers still don’t sleep. Fathers stress over giving support and mothers stress over the reasons for kids needing help. Some of this involvement is left over from the intense parenting years and some of it is due to the digital age where we parents can see more of what’s going on in our kids’ lives. Parents, you might need help to learn how to manage the stress you feel for your kids.
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Jeff is using lockdown to reassess how his family work and spend more time together. He wants to start a home fire emergency plan
How we've been handling the outbreak of the coronavirus. What are we doing right and what can we improve?
Roger is scattered and not keeping track of time well while working from home. Could he be depressed? What can he do to find out and could it just be an "adjustment disorder"?
Bruce has bad allergies and people think he's sick when out in public and afraid he has coronavirus. How can he handle this?
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Denise and her husband are not communicating well with each other, especially in quarantine, not verbalizing their feelings until they explode later or act passive agressively
Cecilia is getting married, doesn't want to take his last name - last name with her first name sounds horrible and profane - how does she tell her fiance/husband?
Emily is having eating problems while in lockdown, gaining weight. What can she do to help?
Buddy's wife says she's too tired for romance and it's been going on for awhile. -
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Your eye color can change.
Intense emotions are shocking to our bodies. Severe rage and
exhilarating joy increase our heart rate, the number of breaths we take
and even make it hard for us to breathe. It also changes the color of our
eyes. Under the influence of emotions, the color becomes more intense,
sometimes darker and sometimes lighter. A person experiencing intense
happiness has the most vivid color. Women have magic wands that
make their eyes seem to be different colors. Wand, indeed. We use
makeup, clothing, hair color and accessories to intensify eye color.
Green eyes are the rarest. Hazel eyes can change color when the person
is stressed, experiencing romantic feelings, and fatigue. Psychologists
say these people are unpredictable and mischievous. That’s me to a “t”!
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The reason kids struggle to cross the street safely
Think your child can cross the street alone? Until a child has reached 14, they don’t have the perceptual judgment or motor skills to make it safely to the other side of a single-lane road. A group of 6 to 14-year-old kids were asked about their strategy to cross a 9-foot, single lane road where the cars were going 25 mph. The gaps between the cars varied from 2 to 5 seconds. The kids crossed the road as fast as the adults did and they picked the same size gap between a passing car and the next oncoming car as an adult. The problem was with timing the exact moment to step off the curb and then, having the motor skills to follow through. The younger the kid, the more problems they had figuring out the gap time. There was a delay between the “cross now” thought and actually stepping off the curb resulting in 8% of the 6-year-olds getting hit. Teach your kids strategies to cross the street safely.
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Topic - Should you ever discipline someone else’s child?
What happens if your playdate guest is a brat? Should you discipline someone else’s child? Yes, you should if the child’s safety is at stake. Consider these steps. Is the child coming over the first time? Then, get some ground rules from the parents and let the kid know in advance that those rules will be in effect and maybe a few more. Don’t go overboard with punishment. Talk it out and never get physical. Let small infractions go, especially if the kids are excited. Not saying “thank you” shouldn’t be a death sentence. Notice good behavior and tell them so. If the other kid is being rotten and your kid isn’t, point out what you saw later in private. Need to talk to the kids’ parents? Say that she had a tough time following the rules and might think I’m mean because I don’t do things the way you do. I didn’t want her to get hurt. Want them to come back to play? Ask the parent to come along and give you some pointers so everyone can have fun.
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Topic - Babies temperament may depend on where you live
If you live out in the country, your child may be fussier and have more negative emotions like anger or frustration than city babies. Why is this the case? Apparently, it’s not due to the level of stress that parents experience although the big city generally has more violent crime and the country setting is more isolated. The differences are likely related to more mental health services and parenting resources that are available in the city such as Mommy and Me playgroups, daycare and nursery school. City moms seem to be better able to recognize when their babies want or need something or when baby is tired of an activity. Country moms report that their babies are angrier and more frustrated. This is concerning because their children might be at a greater risk for attentional, emotional, social and behavioral problems later. It matters where you live.
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Topic - The mindfulness app that lets you keep your sanity
Those digital devices that we love to hate, they just might keep you from losing your grip. The mindfulness app, Headspace, makes it easier for you to lower your body’s fear reactions using your phone. Mindfulness is effective in reducing the intensity of emotions in many people. It can also help treat a number of distressing conditions such as depression. The app helps to train you to let go of certain reactions such as fear, thereby short-circuiting the anxiety response. No more heart pounding out of your chest. No more sweaty palms. No more dizziness. No more being afraid of being afraid. Practice slowly and consistently. When you practice mindfulness in the face of your fears, there’s even more progress. It’ll take time to dial back that anxiety because, for most people, if they’re not feeling anxious, something must be wrong. Train yourself to be healthier.
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Topic - Flossing your teeth could save your life
Think you don’t have time for flossing? Think it doesn’t really matter? You’re wrong. And, if you think it takes up too much time, think about how much you’re going to enjoy getting treatment for liver cancer. Think of how much of an interruption to your life THAT’S going to be! A very large study of people proved that there’s a very real and substantial connection between oral health and the most common form of liver cancer. The liver’s job is to flush bacteria and toxins from your body. If this bacteria isn’t killed off, it starts cooking other diseases and those diseases can lay the foundation for cancer to take hold. Cancer is an opportunistic disease. While we all have cancer cells in our bodies, if we take care of ourselves, these cells can’t grow, creating a diagnosable disease. So, take that two minutes to floss your teeth. It’s OK, we’ll wait!
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Topic - Will your expectations of a movie make or break it?
Waiting for weeks for that next installment of your favorite movie franchise? Think you’re gonna love it? Hate it? If you want to enjoy it, you need to temper your expectations. Your expectations before you see it have a huge effect on whether you loathe it or love it. If you’re expecting to hate it, you probably will. If you expect it to be the best movie in history, chances are, you’ll be disappointed. How does this happen? It’s the brain’s negativity bias that makes you go in with low expectations. We’re wired to look for the negative things because they might be a threat. This means that even if you’re pleasantly surprised by the movie, you still won’t like it as much as you’d hoped. If you go in with excitement, you’re sure to say it wasn’t as good as you thought it would be. Let’s face it, we need to take things as they come. We’re not good at predicting how future events will make us feel. Withhold your judgment and temper your expectations.
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Topic - Big belly dads
Are you a man with a big belly? Then your risk of dying at a younger age from illnesses like heart disease, lung problems and cancer are much greater even if you don’t smoke or drink even if you are physically active. Men, if your waist is 43 inches or more, you have a 50% greater risk of dying early than a man whose waist is 35. It doesn’t matter what your body-mass index is. The location of the fat makes it dangerous. It’s on the interior of your body where your organs are. And, it’s alive. It’s not some dead stuff just hanging around waiting to get flushed out of your body the next time you go on a diet. It’s trying to kill you. It has its own hormone system that creates proteins which impact the heart. Those proteins make it much easier for you to have a heart attack. You can’t do sit ups to get rid of this stuff. You need to have serious cardio and weight training to kill it off and get it out of you. Do it. Do it now!
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Topic - Maybe it’s not a beautiful day in the neighborhood
In previous decades, we knew everyone on our street and most everybody in our neighborhood. We’d get together for holidays and cook-outs. Now, 75% of us don’t consider neighbors to even be acquaintances. We might as well be living next to an empty house because we actually see our neighbors less than once a month. We can’t name a single person from our block and we’re just fine with that. While country folks are more familiar with their neighbors than those living in towns and cities, many of us still belong to a neighborhood watch group. We may not be friendly, but we’ll still help you. We’ll feed your cat and take out your trash when you’re away. We’ll even go food shopping for you and water your plants. Amazingly, we might share our lottery winnings with you! If we’re locked out or need a tool, we’ll come knocking on your door. But, for the most part, keep to yourselves. Good fences make for good neighbors, you know.
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Topic - Dogs and schizophrenia. What’s the relationship?
Spending time with dogs in childhood lowers the chances of developing schizophrenia as an adult. Changes in the immune system as a result of being exposed to the dog’s bacteria and virus create this protection. This exposure causes the microbiome to improve the immune system. The microbiome is all of the bacteria, fungus, and viruses that live on and inside your body. If a person was already genetically predisposed to suffer from schizophrenia, this shift in the immune system might protect them from developing the condition. People with a family history of schizophrenia who were exposed to dogs from birth through age 13 were 24% less likely to be diagnosed. This protection is strongest when exposed to a dog after birth and before age 3. Humans needs dogs!
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Topic - Romance and sleep positions
Everyone has their favorite sleep positions and conditions. You take a bath, turn on the fan and the Calm app to get your favorite sleep story. You turn down the temperature, close the blinds, get into position and snuggle down into your firm mattress and 3 pillows. Perfect. But what if your romantic partner does it a different way? Yep, your sleep routine could ruin a love affair. A whopping 62% of people say that they would re-think a romance if someone’s favorite sleep situation was different from their own. Your love interest likes a warm and toasty room, leaving the window open, a soft mattress and yes, some noise. If you stay together, one of you is going to have 26 sleepless nights a year to accommodate your loved one’s needs. That’s nearly a month of poor sleep! Yes, the heart wants what the heart wants.
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Topic - Move and learn
Kids have gotta move to learn. Movement stimulates all the nerve cells that we think with and primes those cells to do stuff by turning on the attention systems. Movement causes the front of your brain to turn on allowing you to manipulate information. You’ll also be able to manage frustration and stick with learning longer. Kids who move learn better and behave better in the classroom. For third and fourth graders who have a lot of disagreements and injuries at recess, scheduled movement breaks reduce those problems dramatically. Eighty percent of elementary schools in the US are using free 2-minutes videos from the GoNoodle company to provide entertaining content to kids to help them move around and then, get back to their schoolwork. Movement improves learning in kids and productivity in adults.
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Topic - Men think they’re better liars
Men are twice as likely as women to believe that they’re skilled at deception and the art of getting away with lies. Most skilled liars are good talkers and they tend to tell more lies than other people. Once someone realizes they’re good liars, they do it a lot more. We lie to our family, friends and co-workers a lot more often than our bosses and authority figures. We usually incorporate a bit of truth in each lie and give away as little information as possible. The most talented liars are those who are vague which is a specialty of men. Some men use the “I’m a man of few words” ruse to offer little information, thereby relying on women to “fill-in-the-blanks” and we end up making assumptions. Ladies assume nothing. Make your men tell you the truth.
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Topic - Baby brain is for real
Baby brain. It’s for real. About 80% of pregnant women experience it. The forgetfulness, problems with paying attention, with decision-making and memory and just that overall fogginess that never seems to go away. It’s due to the brain reorganizing itself to prepare for the many new requirements of Motherhood. Hormonal changes, especially in estrogen and oxytocin, are the cause. Baby brain starts in the first trimester and is much worse by the time you give birth. The positive effects could last a lifetime. Our thinking skills are increased, and we’re protected against degenerative diseases. If we breastfeed baby, our brain cells actually increase in size. It’s critical that Moms get those extra “smarts” and a supercharged brain because once we give birth, we’re going to be spread really thin for the next 20 years. Mother Nature knows what she’s doing!
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Topic - False memories and pot smoking
Picture this. You’ve taken one hit of pot and you see a fight break out. Your friend adds a detail to the event that you didn’t see. When police question you, you add that detail without realizing you didn’t see it. What just happened? Smoking pot causes you to have false memories. Oh sure, you’ll swear you saw what he saw until you sober up. The danger in all of this is just that. If you’re questioned about any legal, family or work situation, and you’ve had just one hit of pot, you’re not going to tell the truth, only your distorted version. We’re all prone to having false memories, but when you’re smoking pot, you can be influenced by others, called the “misinformation effect”. Cannabis activates the cells of the brain’s memory centers and produces fragmented thoughts, derails your thinking and causes greater distractibility. Just another way that smoking pot can put you at risk.
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Topic - Who’s easier to raise, boys or girls?
When parents gather together, there are the child-raising war stories and then, there’s the inevitable discussion around whether or not girls are easier to raise than boys. This question can’t be answered because there are just way too many factors to count. As for the kid itself, it depends on their temperament and whether or not they have conditions or disabilities of some kind such as ADHD, dyslexia, or autism. Other variables include their talents and gifts such as intelligence and athletic abilities. Some stages of life are much more challenging than others, so there’s that. And yes, there’s you, parent. You, with your own profile of strengths and weaknesses, disabilities and conditions along with your many stressors. Finally, there’s how others treat them. Teachers, coaches, family, friends, neighbors and yes, even cops. All kids are tough to raise if you do it right, but the reward is worth the effort.
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Topic - There are two types of schizophrenia
Schizophrenia is a particularly scary and debilitating mental illness. Hallucinations, irrational thoughts and losing touch with reality are signs of this condition. Typically, those with the disorder have fewer brain cells which results in distorted thinking. A second type of schizophrenia has been discovered. In this type, there’s more matter in the region where movement is controlled. The schizophrenic brain has a much different floor plan than brains without the condition. These differences may explain why a small number of patients respond either really well or hardly at all to antipsychotic medications and why most patients respond pretty well to them. More research is underway to explain this new subtype of schizophrenia with the hopes of developing more effective medications.
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Topic - Pets help to raise kids to be kinder
Cats won’t put up with your nonsense. If they don’t like your behavior, they walk away. Or, they may swat at you and then, take off. Dogs, on the other hand, will let you bang them on the head, and they will still love you. Children have to learn to be gentle or the cat will go away. Cats understand what humans are saying. They identify certain words, including your name and their name. As a result, it’s important that kids use kind words around both cats and dogs. Pets make us happier and better adjusted. They make us healthier by reducing our heart rate and giving us a reason to get out there and take that walk every day. They boost our sense of self-worth. They make us kinder, more attuned to each other, and less fearful. Pet owners are more outgoing. Pets distract us from our everyday woes and worries. Let’s face it, they are the perfect therapist and fitness trainer!
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Topic - Can you keep your kid too clean?
Can you keep your kid too clean? Consider this. Acute lymphoblastic leukemia, the most common type of childhood cancer, is caused by a two-step process. The first step is a genetic mutation that occurs before birth that makes a child vulnerable to this form of leukemia. The second step is a “too clean” first year of life that doesn’t allow them to be exposed to certain kinds of infections. Interacting with other children helps to keep this kind of disease at bay. Decades of research prove that these two factors explain why otherwise healthy children develop this condition, usually between birth and age 4. Serious symptoms flare up in a matter of days or weeks. The main treatment is chemotherapy. Breastfeed your infant. Consider, at least, part-time attendance at daycare so your child’s immune system will have more opportunities to practice reacting to infections.
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Topic - Kids can still be exposed to nicotine even if you don’t smoke
The only way to keep your child from being exposed to nicotine is for you to stop smoking. Even if you don’t smoke in the home or around your child, the nicotine still shows up on their skin and in their saliva, suggesting that it has traveled throughout their bodies. How does that happen? By touching you and things in their environment. You may think that they can’t get that much into their bodies to cause a problem, but you’d be wrong. This kind of exposure causes them to have worse asthma problems, sore throats, runny noses and ear infections. The ear infections alone could mean the development of language processing disorders and hearing loss which impact educational and social development. Poor health leads to absenteeism and fewer opportunities to build relationships with other kids. Quit smoking and ban smoking from your home.
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Topic - If you’re smart, your brain is wired better
It’s probably no surprise to you that smart people have brains that are physically designed to outperform the average brain. This is because two regions associated with reasoning are more tightly connected to other areas that are necessary to solve problems. The areas of the brain that aren’t necessary to solve problems aren’t tightly connected. Basically, smart people can more easily determine which pieces of information are important to solve problems and which ones should be ignored. Intelligent people also have a greater capacity to focus and avoid distraction. The brain, just as the muscles, gets very good at what it practices. Give the brain regular exercise by working through challenging tasks, paying attention, and seeking intellectually stimulating material. Keep your brain healthy by avoiding toxins, alcohol, drugs and risk-taking behaviors.
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Topic - Beard bravado
The majority of American men feel better about themselves and much more confident when they have facial hair. Facial hair is so important to modern men that about 20% of them would give up intimacy if it meant they could grow the perfect beard. Forty percent would spend a night in jail or give up coffee for a full year to have better facial hair. Some would stand in line at the DMV for a day and still others would shave their head for the perfect beard. Growing it out is frustrating, at times. The patchiness and the uneven color and growth causes distress. Facial hair, especially full beards, are more socially acceptable today than in the past. Women don’t think men keep their facial hair clean, especially those full beards. Women like the face fuzz, but half of them want that clean-shaven look. Should you really let that 5 o’clock shadow grow?
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Topic - Medications may help limit alcoholism
Some people are just so addicted to alcohol that it’s likely they’ll die before they can stop. The usual medications and social supports don’t work. Enter medications that are used primarily for other health conditions. A medication that treats blood pressure, Pindolol, reduces alcohol-related anxiety in mice and also proved to stop the alcohol’s damage to newly formed brain cells. It increased the release of serotonin, the body’s “feel good” chemical. Human clinical trials are up next. A single dose of ketamine, a medication used for starting and maintaining anesthesia, reduced overall intake of heavy drinkers. It destroyed the harmful drug cravings associated with the memories related to drinking. Ketamine’s results lasted for months. If you’re desperate to stop, do an online search for alcohol dependence clinical research trials.
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Topic - Pot-smoking teens and psychosis
Teens have only positive thoughts about pot. It feels good; it’s cheaper; you don’t look drunk, unlike alcohol; don’t have to show an ID to get it and most kids don’t have to consume a lot to get high. Emergency rooms are treating many teens whose pot smoking has triggered psychosis. Pot feels good because it turns on the brain’s reward system. If it feels good, do it. If it feels really good, do it more. That’s where the trouble comes in. Heavy users, smoking several times a day, can have psychotic experiences in which they see, hear and feel things differently. Thoughts might be bizarre and unusual. Feelings of persecution are common. If you start out with a little pot every now and then, likely no problem. If you shift into heavy use, it can cause psychotic episodes that leave you feeling detached from reality and depressed with frantic, uncontrollable behavior. Is it worth it? Probably not.
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Topic - Nightmares tell us what’s going wrong
If you’re having more bad dreams and nightmares than usual, your body might be telling you that you’re having a medical problem. Nightmares could predict neurological diseases such as Parkinson’s, various dementias or mental health issues including depression, anxiety and post-traumatic stress disorder. Nightmares are a core symptom of PTSD. People struggle with processing traumatic events and so, their unconscious minds work to make sense of those events and it ends up being a nightmare. Bipolar disorder and schizophrenia also are associated with intense dreams. Nightmares are common in people with chronic pain syndrome and sleep apnea or asthma because of the disruption of the sleep-wake cycle. Obviously, nightmares can occur under periods of intense stress and changes in medication or diet. If nightmares are increasing in frequency, see your doctor. Help is on the way.
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Topic - Smells so good and I can focus better, too!
For most people, the aroma of coffee is almost intoxicating. Just when you’re doing so well reducing the amount of java you’re drinking, there’s that smell. But, that smell can work wonders for you. Don’t want to have another cup after lunch, but need to power through a tough assignment? Get into the break room and inhale that magical scent. Even if you just smell coffee, see it or hear the sounds of it being made, your focus is narrowed, your alertness, heart rate and energy are increased. Smelling coffee triggers the chemical receptors in our body enough to have the same sensations as drinking it! Even if you have a cup of decaf because you don’t want the jitters, you can still benefit from the effects of just the aroma. You’ll need to hide the fact that your whiffing coffee to get the buzz, so be discreet. Otherwise, co-workers may wonder what you’re up to!
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Topic - How do you know evil is sitting in front of you?
You’ve been dating her for 2 months and you still have no clue as to who she is. Her behavior is confusing and most of the time, you feel as though you’re in the twilight zone. What does it mean that she twists facts, withholds information, misleads and outrightly lies constantly? She doesn’t seem to have any remorse, empathy, or compassion, has never taken responsibility for her mistakes and is manipulative. She drops friends right and left and makes them just as easily. She seems to have a double life. Have no idea what she does before she meets you or after she leaves? She doesn’t want you to know. She’s intensely controlling. She either doesn’t want to see you or she suffocates you with attention. She’s exciting for sure, but the excitement is wearing thin. You’ve been dating evil. Narcissistic, sociopathic and sadistic. Nothing good is going to come of this. Get away as fast as you can.
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Topic - Belly fat affects your thinking skills
Carrying a spare tire around your middle? Then you might not be able to think on your feet in new situations because of that belly fat. This kind of thinking, called “fluid intelligence”, is impacted by the extra work that the body’s immune system has to put in to support all of it. The immune system of people with high BMI’s is overly active, leading to problems with thinking and memory. Even when you age, this fluid intelligence shouldn’t decline, but when you add those extra pounds, something’s gotta give. Keeping as much muscle mass as possible is critical to successful aging. Women are especially vulnerable to the loss of muscle mass because we have less than men to begin with. You don’t have to do a lot to get rid of that fat, but you do have to get started. Stay away from soda and snacks and walk for just 10 minutes a day. Your goal should be to age healthy, so get busy!
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Topic - We hate Mondays as much as Garfield does.
“I hate Mondays”. Garfield the Cat’s Monday morning misery rings true with us, too. In a bad mood? Treat yourself to a little something every Monday to rewrite your mental script. Have problems getting up? Throw open the shades and let the light waken your brain to resist sleepiness. You’ve been doing at least some relaxing over the weekend, so you’re gonna feel stressed when Monday rolls around. Calm breathing can help your body. Inhaling and exhaling slowly for 30 seconds will keep your blood pressure and heart rate in check so you don’t feel like you’re crawling out of your skin. Partied too much on the weekend? Hydrate! Next weekend, have a glass of water after each adult beverage. Did you hit the gym hard? Mild stretching exercises, gentle yoga or a brisk walk will send blood to those sore muscles and they’ll feel better. You can’t escape Mondays, so make the best of it.
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Topic - It starts at 3:58 p.m. on Sunday
People start feeling the impending doom of the upcoming workweek on Sunday at 3:58 p.m. Why is this? We’re worried about what’s going to happen on Monday morning and we can’t let go of our work worries and obligations during the weekend. It takes us two hours to completely unwind on Friday once we get home. We’re also doing an average of 3 unpaid hours of work during the weekend. It’s even worse than that. Thoughts about work creep into our minds about 6 times during the weekend. Additionally, we spend about 4 hours taking care of chores including housework, errands and grocery shopping. A total of nine hours are spent on family and work responsibilities. We try to get some alone time, but that doesn’t usually work out. The best we can do is get some extra sleep. To combat our anxiety, prepare for Monday on Friday afternoon and take a digital detox over the weekend.
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Topic - The eyes are the windows to our brain health
The eyes are the windows to our soul, but they also allow us to peek in on our brain health. The latest research in detecting the very early stages of Parkinson’s disease reveals that the thinning of the retina, which are the nerve cells at the back of the eye, can be the first sign of the condition. Thinning of the retina may cause a decrease in brain cells that produce dopamine. Dopamine has several jobs in the body. It’s associated with pleasure and reward, but it also plays a major role in controlling movement. The thinner the retina, the greater the severity of the Parkinson’s symptoms which cripple all movement skills and leads to dementia, psychosis, and death. The discovery of this connection means that neurologists may, in the future, be able to detect Parkinson’s disease with a simple eye scan. We love how the future of science is looking!
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Topic - Give that kid a drum set!
Did his favorite uncle just give your kid a drum set for his birthday? That’s great. Playing the drums will change his brain structure. The motor areas of his brain will be organized more efficiently than any other member of the band or anyone else for that matter. Your son will have fewer, but thicker, connecting fibers between the two halves of his brain, thereby increasing the speed of messages. This explains why drummers are able to coordinate their hand movements on both sides of the brain that are impossible for non-musicians. When he’s performing other kinds of motor tasks, his brain will be less active than other people’s because he doesn’t need to use much energy. Sure, you’re gonna lose your mind with all of the noise, but remember that your son’s rock and roll neurology just may make him a great surgeon one day.
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Topic - Pure blood for transfusions isn’t pure after all
Think that bag of blood getting ready to drip into your veins is free of contaminants? Oops. Think again. We Americans love our caffeine. Whether you’re a tea drinker, a coffee lover, a soda slurper or just a big fan of chocolate, chances are you’re one of the 80% of Americans who enjoy caffeine daily. Caffeine consumption is so widespread that it was found in every single sample of allegedly pure blood provided by blood banks. That’s not all. Traces of Xanax and cough medicine were also found in the samples. While the medical community isn’t concerned about a little caffeine, they are worried that the other drugs found in donated blood could pose a problem for some patients. The researchers were most concerned about all of the drugs they didn’t test for and how they could complicate a patient’s outcome.
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Topic - Social media stresses vanity, leads to eating disorders
Social media focuses on beauty and having a perfect life. The message is these are the only things that matter in life. A new study indicated that Snapchat and Instagram are the most popular among teens and are the most psychologically harmful. Today’s teens have grown up with smartphones and they are digitally savvy. Kids are great observers of life and have only a developing sense of what it means. They don’t see the dangers of focusing on appearance which too often results in eating disorders in both boys and girls. They skip meals and put themselves through very rigorous exercise routines. The more social media accounts a teenager has, the more time they spend on them and the greater the chance they’ll develop an eating disorder or have a poor body image. Help your teen to appreciate their worth through relationships, values and abilities.
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Topic - Do you have playdate safety fears?
What information do you need to know before you let your child play at a friend’s house? If you’re like half of the nation’s parents, you’d turn down that invitation due to concerns for your child’s safety. Parents’ primary concerns are about their child being left unsupervised, hearing foul language, getting ahold of medications and other harmful substances and getting hurt. Going to a friend’s house to play encourages independence, gives them the chance to interact with other kids in an unstructured setting and to have fun with a friend. Still only 25% of parents have been asked about safety issues before hosting a playdate. Why? It’s uncomfortable and insulting to ask a host if your child will be safe in their care. But do ask about trampolines, guns, dogs and pools. Let them know your child is curious and very capable of getting into things he shouldn’t.
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Topic - The thrill-seeking gene
Are you one of those people who just can’t stay faithful? Persistent cheating just might be in your genes. The discovery of a thrill-seeking gene that operates in the reward system of the brain makes us vulnerable to alcoholism, drug abuse and gambling addictions. For others, it makes us vulnerable to promiscuity. The desire to cheat appears to arise out of the brain’s pleasure or reward center and that rush, that thrill, that’s the dopamine flowing. Dopamine is the brain’s reward juice and the thrill-seeking gene causes it to flow when there’s an opportunity to engage with as many others as possible. There is the excitement of violating the rules, the chase, the danger of getting caught. Some people are just wired to behave this way. They seem to be unable to help themselves. Does this sound like your relationship? Maybe it’s not their fault, but it sure is their responsibility.
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Topic - Daycare workers and the flu
Thinking about putting your child into daycare, nursery school or preschool? Find out if the staff and the children are required to have a yearly flu shot. Why? Kids are very susceptible to the flu virus and are at much greater risk of developing dangerous complications. Daycare sites, nursery schools and preschools rarely require the children or their caregivers to be vaccinated. Only 4 states mandate that children who attend daycare be vaccinated. Kids are in close proximity to each other, they don’t use the elbow sneeze; they don’t cover their mouths when they cough; they don’t wash their hands and they’re always putting their hands in their mouths, so the virus spreads easily. It makes no sense that the people most vulnerable to complications from the flu are the least protected by law. Make sure you place your child in a setting where they are truly protected. You can’t live with the consequences.
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Topic - Don’t force a smile at work
Do you work at a job where you’re in the public eye? Do you force yourself to smile when you want to wring someone’s neck? Then, beware. You might be vulnerable to heavy drinking after you get home from work. You’re really susceptible to this if you’re a highly impulsive person, in which case, it takes a lot more control to be smiley. The more you have to fake it, the more you’re gonna drink. That goes for you, nurses, teachers and wait staff in restaurants. Have you noticed that you’re drinking more after work? Does it feel as though it’s related to more than the stress of the job or feeling negatively? It’s caused by being dishonest about your emotions. Being coerced into smiling when you really, really want to throttle that customer causes a unique kind of stress. Maybe it’s time to get out of from behind that counter before you need bail money.
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Topic - Encounters with God
For thousands of years, people have reported deeply religious visions spontaneously or while under the influence of substances. These events brought sudden and striking clarity to their lives. Even if you encounter God under the influence of drugs, it can have lasting and positive mental health benefits. Modern medicine disputes any effect, but latest research proves that such an encounter often leads to enhanced mental health. Why? Described as being the most meaningful and spiritually significant moment of their lives, those who were studied said the event inspired permanent and positive changes, such as increased life satisfaction, purpose and meaning. Most no longer feared death. Two-thirds of atheists in the study stopped referring to themselves as such afterwards. Being motivated for change is the first step even if you do encounter God.
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Topic - Eating junk food while stressed causes more weight gain
We all know that junk food causes weight gain. But, if you eat that junk food under the stressful conditions, you’re gonna eat more. You’re feeding the stress. A special molecule produced by the brain during times of stress promotes eating. It’s an ancient mechanism that says, “You’re in danger…eat! Eat!” Insulin is produced just after a meal and it sends a “stop eating” message when we’re full. Chronic stress alone raises those insulin levels a little, but when we’re stressed and we eat calorific food, the insulin levels go through the roof and the “stop!” message isn’t sent. If we continue this cycle, our body isn’t sensitive to insulin anymore and wants to keep eating. And, to make matters worse, we’re no longer able to burn energy through heat. Next thing you know…you’re obese! Now that you know…stop it!
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Topic - Is pornography a public health crisis?
In January 2018, the state of Florida declared pornography a public health crisis. Since 2015, about a million years’ worth of porn has been viewed and that’s on only one site. Yes, it is a public health crisis. Think it’s a passive and harmless activity? No, it’s not. There’s a relationship between sex crimes and porn. Now, let’s talk about the number of marriages and relationships that have been destroyed as a result of addiction to it. The impact on intimacy is staggering leading to difficulty connecting with wives and partners who end up feeling confused and angry. It’s estimated that 56% of divorces had one partner with an obsessive interest in porn. And that’s just the divorces. No one knows how to handle this vicious intruder, but what is known is that many couples are living in silent agony as a result of this digital epidemic. Recognize it for what it is and get help.
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Topic - Problems in kindergarten predict academic difficulties
Does your kindergartner struggle with planning, problem solving and controlling their impulses? If so, they’re at risk for serious academic difficulties during elementary school. As a group, these are called “executive functioning” skills and also include starting and finishing tasks, moving from one activity to another, using memory skills, having adequate working speed, maintaining emotional stability and paying attention consistently. Regardless of a student’s intelligence, having executive functioning deficits does not allow them to “show what they know”. They struggle to keep up with the classroom pace and have problems with production such as turning in work or doing well on tests. Kindergarten students can be tested to determine their profile of strengths and weaknesses, so have a diagnostic assessment done and get started on interventions.
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Topic - Why are infertile women at risk for an early death?
As if being infertile isn’t enough, women who can’t have children are at a much higher risk of coming down with deadly diseases such as breast cancer. They are also 70% more likely to die from diabetes than fertile women. While scientists cannot explain the reasons for the relationship between infertility and early death, they suspect that inflammation or hormonal disruption, over time, sets up the conditions for these diseases. The same holds true for men. A low sperm count may be linked to a number of health problems including higher blood pleasure, higher bad cholesterol and lower good cholesterol as well as higher body fat. They were at risk for metabolic syndrome which is the foundation for diabetes, heart disease and stroke. Low sperm count doesn’t cause these problems, but reflects a lower grade of general health. Primary care doctors should look beyond infertility to pay careful attention to these health risks.
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Topic - You don’t know your child’s reading level
There’s a good reason why 70% of teachers believe that parents aren’t involved enough in their children’s education. Teachers report that 30% of their students read below grade level, but only 9% of parents know about it. Because 90% of parents don’t know what their kid’s reading level is, they can’t work with them effectively at home. Teachers expect their students to read at least 15 minutes after school every day, but that’s not happening. Schools don’t have libraries and parents don’t have books at home. Teachers and parents say books are too expensive. The company, Age of Learning, has an extensive digital library at very little cost to make it easier for parents to support their kids. Working with your child to improve their reading won’t take forever. They’ll become competent, independent readers with your help. If you don’t give them a boost, they may struggle for years to come.
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Topic - Pediatricians’ recommendations for tattoos
The American Academy of Pediatricians has guidelines about tattoos. Discuss with your kid the design they want and the location they want to put it. Point out that certain art may limit the kind of places where they can get a job even though tattoos are becoming widely accepted. Review the health risks such as infections and allergic reactions. Learn about the laws for minors getting ink which vary from state to state. Find a shop that’s regulated and inspected. Clear instructions about caring for the site should be provided. Make sure their immunizations are up-to-date, especially Hepatitis B, to protect from infection. Learn, in advance, where to go to treat an infection. Go with your teen and stay with them. Make sure new needles and ink are used and packages are opened in front of you. A tattoo shop should be as clean as a dentist’s office.
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Topic - Menopause and ADHD
By menopause, around age 51, estrogen levels drop about 65 percent. But a gradual decrease of estrogen starts about 10 years before that. This loss of estrogen leads to a drop in critical brain chemicals resulting in moodiness, sadness, problems with concentration, memory deficits, and fatigue. These problems are more severe in women with ADHD. The menopausal brain has less cognitive energy and ADHD makes it even harder to concentrate and use solid decision-making skills. Oral contraceptives taken during the lead-up to menopause help even out hormone levels and improve brain function. Hormone replacement therapy and ADHD medication may be recommended. Keep a journal of symptoms and work with a gynecologist, internist, psychiatrist and psychologist for the best results.
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Topic - Swat that fly! Don’t eat that food!
That fly was on your sandwich for only a nano-second. Don’t eat that PB & J. Public health officials now think that flies cause outbreaks of disease. Trash your lunch! Why? Common houseflies carry about 351 types of bacteria including salmonella, e-coli and the kind that cause stomach ulcers and deadly sepsis! Live in the city? Your flies carry more bacteria than the ones flying around in the countryside. That fly probably just fed off feces they use to nurture their young. Yuck. Bacteria is on every part of the fly including their legs and wings and not just those hands that they’re rubbing together in delight! Yes, you can pinch off the part you saw them sitting on, but did they land on another part first? Don’t take chances. You don’t want to be sick.
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Topic - Autism and the sense of smell
We know that Autism Spectrum Disorder affects the way a person sees and hears, but now we know that it affects the way smell is interpreted. Body odors are the most subtle way to communicate emotions. Happiness, aggression and fear produce their own emotional odors. We can “catch” someone else’s mood without even knowing it. The ability to sense and interpret smells is very important for us, emotionally. While those with ASD detected other’s emotional scents, they responded to it in very different ways. Fearful body odors of people watching scary movies did not elicit a response, but when exposed to sweat from people who were exercising, those with ASD showed increased anxiety. Basically, they misread body scents, missing an entire group of social cues which contributes to their emotional responses being “off target”.
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Topic - Can sweeping the floor help you live longer?
If you’re an older gal and are able to spend just 30 minutes a day sweeping the floor or doing the laundry, you might just live longer. As we age, it’s more and more difficult to move around, why not take care of two things at once? Women who completed just 30 minutes of light housework reduced their risk of death by 12%. Add an additional 30 minutes of work and your overall risk of dying drops by a whopping 39%! And, you don’t have to do housework. Taking a walk around the neighborhood or even going outside to get the mail counts as light exercise, so get out there and enjoy yourself! Light exercise for the older population is just as effective as moderate to vigorous exercise in preventing a major disease. By 2050, the amount of seniors will double what it was in 2000. Women will outnumber men 2 to 1. So get out there, girls and keep up the good work!
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Topic - Smoking pot and vomiting syndrome
Oh, the unintended consequences! If you smoke pot several times a day for months, years or even decades, you can come down with a very scary- sounding condition called cannabis hyperemesis syndrome. Yeah, you never want to have a “syndrome”. First diagnosed in 2004, this condition involves violent vomiting and retching, severe abdominal pain and weight loss. There are no diagnostic tests, so you get to spend a lot of money ruling out other conditions before deciding that you’ve got THIS! The only cure is to stop smoking pot. If you’re smoking because of a health condition, see a doctor for a medication to treat it. While some people may be genetically vulnerable to these chemical compounds that throw off their nervous system, others claim that pot’s overall makeup has changed over time.
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Topic - Will your DNA help you find true love?
Scientists can predict who you’ll be attracted to and they’ve created an app to help you find your true love. They take a cheek swab and use the 11 genes that determine who you’re attracted to and create an algorithm to make a match based on pheromones. Pheromones are the chemicals that act like hormones when they’re released in your sweat. When these hormones float around, they affect the behavior of other people. That hot guy across the room picks up on your pheromones and he says, “Oh, I like the smell of your hormones and they fit mine perfectly! Wanna go out?” or something like that. The scientists created a company called Pheramor. They even have a program for couples called “We Have Chemistry” which helps you understand your connection. Using a tiny part of your DNA in combination with social media data, they create the most accurate profile. We love the science of love!
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Topic - Energy drinks affect blood flow
They’re wildly popular. But drinking just one energy drink leads to significantly worse circulation. The ingredients constrict the lining of the 100,000 miles of veins, arteries and capillaries in an adult due to the caffeine, taurine, and the high level of sugar. Energy drinks are used to boost powerful, prescribed stimulant medications. Even moderate intake of these drinks can lead to heart, nerve and stomach problems. In excess, they cause palpitations, vomiting, nausea, convulsions, high blood pressure and are linked to Type 2 diabetes. The drink prompts the release of stress hormones, which could interfere with emotional functioning. The higher the level of caffeine, the more health risks. It’s a $50 billion industry that is expected to more than double over the next 10 years. This stuff isn’t going away anytime soon.
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Topic - Brotherly love? Maybe not.
Larger families with 3 or more kids have more sibling violence than smaller families. The bully is usually the oldest or older brothers and the victims are the younger siblings, with females being targeted. There are 3 forms of bullying: saying hurtful things causing psychological harm; hitting causing physical harm and isolating or lying about a sibling causing emotional harm. Kids can be both the bully and the victim. It’s known that family violence can cause loneliness, delinquency and mental health problems later in life for all involved. In big families, kids compete for resources and parents’ attention, so they turn to dominating their siblings to get what they want. Parents should manage this from the beginning by spending quality time with their older kids and involving them in caring for the younger kids. Sibling jealousy can undermine even the most stable family. This needs to be addressed very early.
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Topic - Passing down the knowledge
Even without using language, our ancestors passed down information about where to find water and the location of the best hunting grounds. Then, we passed down the stories, legends and music of our people and how food and medicines were made. Through this passing down of information, we shaped our culture and came to value our heritage. We’re not the only ones who do this. Whales do the same thing. When whales and their close relatives were tracked, it was learned that they return to the area where they were born or grew up. Not only did they return, but so did their closest family members, sometimes 20 years apart. This information is critical to these marine mammals as they must adapt to the dramatically changing climate. But, they’ve done it before and they’ll do it again through the handing down of survival information from one generation to another. Nature always finds a way.
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Topic - Do menstrual cramps change women’s brains?
They’re more than a nuisance. Menstrual cramps change women’s brains. Cramps represent the contractions of the uterus during a woman’s period. They’re powerful enough to change the gray matter of her brain. Gray matter is critical because it’s involved in emotional balance, in registering pain and interpreting the senses. It’s the case that those with chronic pain, over time, are more sensitive to it, making it worse. This distress occurs every month unless we’re pregnant and it only stops when we reach menopause. The average woman spends fully 10 years of her life having a period. That’s a great deal of time to be in pain and the perception of it, how it actually feels, worsens as she moves along in life. When we have our periods and are in pain, there are differences in the way our brains behave. This cyclical pain in women is serious. If you or your daughter suffer, get help.
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Topic - Does food give you a high?
Our body multi-purposes. When we’re in pain, it produces natural painkillers that are comparable to the opioid morphine. These same opioids also help to regulate the body’s energy balance. We’re talking about food. We know that natural opioids are released when we eat the food we like, but surprisingly, the brain releases even more when we eat food we don’t enjoy. Why? Because the brain likes a full stomach and it dumps more opioids to make up for the reduced pleasure so that you eat more. Eating triggers the opioid system whether or not we like what we’re eating. It’s Nature’s way of keeping weight on us. People who are obese release less opioids when they eat because they have fewer receptors in their brains. The brain doesn’t want them to eat much. When they lose the extra weight, their receptors recover. It’s all about balance between pain, feeding and pleasure.
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Topic - Does your choice of booze make you sad or happy?
An international survey on alcohol and drug use focused on the kinds of feelings caused by drinking certain kinds of alcoholic beverages. Half of the 30,000 people who completed the survey said that drinking red wine as well as beer made them feel relaxed. Spirits, or hard liquor by contrast, made most people feel confident and sexy. In terms of the negative feelings associated with wine and liquor, there were dramatic differences. Red wine made people feel tired. Liquor made folks feel tearful, ill and aggressive. It was clear from the results, that liquor has a much stronger relationship to all kinds of feelings than did wine. Women reported feeling a wide variety of emotions after drinking booze and men felt aggressive. Observe yourself the next time you imbibe. What are your feelings?
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Topic - If you nod, people will like you more
When we want to show someone that we understand or agree with them, we nod our head. Let’s face it, sometimes you nod when you’re being polite and pretending that you’re listening. Recently, it’s been learned that nodding can make you seem more approachable and likeable. Being seen as likeable isn’t related to your appearance, but to your personality. People see you as more agreeable, perhaps more accepted by the person with whom you’re speaking. They see you as being part of the conversation. Nodding can also influence you in your own opinions. When people nod, they’re more likely to agree with information they hear, but when they shake their heads from side-to-side, they’re more likely to disagree. After all, doesn’t nodding look like you’re saying “yes” and shaking your head from side-to-side mean “no”? You might want to include subtle nods in your everyday mannerisms.
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Topic - Give your kids only 3 gifts at Christmas
The practice of giving each of your children only 3 gifts at Christmas is picking up steam. Why is this? We now know that the surprise of opening the packages is more thrilling than the gift itself. And, kids don’t remember half of what they’ve received. The 3 gifts should be something they want, something they need, something to wear and a 4th category for Christmas eve, something to read. This approach enhances gratitude and appreciation and takes the focus off of excess. It reduces a child’s narcissism and entitlement. If there’s less focus on the material things, then there can be more focus on the memories. More time can be spent with each other instead of buying for each other. There is time to make cookies, special treats and have meals together while kids have time off and parents aren’t on the school schedule. It’s an idea whose time has truly come.
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Topic - Japan’s brown-hair registries
What would you do if your country told you that you had to have black hair like everyone else even if your hair was naturally brown? One Japanese high school student had enough of being told to dye her naturally brown hair and sued her government for mental anguish. Despite having naturally brown hair, she was forced to dye it black. Conformity is the norm in Japanese schools and if you don’t conform, you may not be allowed to attend. While some schools have brown hair registries to keep those students from being harassed and forced to dye their hair, some schools don’t keep a registry. Some schools measure the length of the brown-haired students and if the color doesn’t change after the start of the year, they’re not disciplined. Through this ongoing lawsuit, these practices are coming to light for the world to see. Would you step in and help your child sue the government under these conditions?
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Topic - Cats or dogs? Which is the smartest?
You’ve noticed the snarky comments that cat lovers make about dogs? My cat is much smarter than your dog. My cat is more discerning and has his own mind, but your dog, she’ll run after you anywhere like a boy band fan. Nuh uh. Science has proven that those loser dogs have twice as many cells in the part of the brain associated with thinking, planning and other complex behaviors as cats. Dogs have 530 million neurons or brain cells while cats have only about 250 million. The number of neurons an animal has determines their ability to predict what is about to happen in their environment based on past experiences. Bigger brains don’t make for smarter animals. Dogs have more neurons than brown bears. Raccoons’ brains are the size of a cat’s, but have as many neurons as a dog. Animals fulfill an emotional need in us no matter their brain size. Stop arguing over them!
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Topic - Should we ban glitter?
Should glitter be banned? Absolutely. It’s a microplastic and we sure have enough of that in our food, body lotions, shower gels, make-up and arts and crafts products, including the billions of greeting cards we mail out every year. It’s a hazard, primarily, because of its size, less than 5 millimeters in length. It goes down the drain and out into the oceans. In fact, a third of all fish caught off Great Britain had plastic in their bodies. Britain is banning the use of glitter in their nursery schools and is well on the way to banning it as a country. In the US, only 7 states have passed laws to restrict the use of microbeads in facial scrubs and body washes. What are we doing to ourselves? We need to control the controllable and ban all of this stuff. It’s unnecessary. It’s everywhere and gets stuck on everybody and everything. Let’s get rid of this evil nuisance once and for all.
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Topic - Lotus births. Yes? No?
Another ancient practice in childbirth has been resurrected, the lotus birth. This is where the placenta is allowed to deteriorate and fall off naturally. But, just like the scientifically unfounded practice of eating the placenta, there’s no health-related reason to drag this thing around until it dries up in 7 to 10 days. This practice enjoyed a resurgence in the 80’s when the belief was that the placenta is part of the baby and the baby decides when to release it. There’s no science to support this and common sense says it’s bunk. The placenta and umbilical cord could expose the baby to serious infections. While the baby can’t make a decision when the placenta should go, his parents should at least have enough sense to ditch it.
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Topic - Use your puppy dog eyes to get what you want
Scientists now understand the purpose of those puppy dog eyes. It’s not that they’re excited when you give them a treat, they’re actually trying to communicate with you. Dogs and babies use facial expressions that make their eyes look bigger which is part of the “cute quotient” that makes them precious and causes us to want to love and protect them. See? Nature has a plan. She wires us in ways that improve our survival, so she gives babies those big eyes and small noses and mouths. They are “designed to be adorable”. And those puppies? They are at their cutest when they’re about 8 weeks old. Yep, we can’t help ourselves. We just have to take care of them. This has been going on for thousands of years and has created the unbreakable bond between humans and their dogs. There’s a reason why the kids and the dogs have our hearts.
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Topic - No longer the Prozac nation, now the Xanax nation
When Americans are compared to other countries in terms of anxiety, we’re #8. We’ve seen a huge spike over the past 5 years. Just look at the kids. In teens, about 24% of girls and 15% of boys have an anxiety disorder. In colleges, anxiety is bolting ahead of depression. Each generation is faced with its own issues that cause distress. Look at the recent generations. They’re living in pressure cookers. They’re plagued by anxiety from the 9-11 attacks, the worldwide economic recession, crippling student loans, intense pressure from helicopter parents, and the rise of social media. Work to balance your kids’ lives. Teach them coping skills, to plan for a rainy day, to understand how people operate, to tolerate frustration and develop realistic expectations. It’s your job, do it.
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Topic - Good things come to those who bake
Baking for other people has tremendous psychological benefits. There’s a connection between creative expression and well-being. For many folks, baking is their “go-to” option for coping. Why? Because they can move their focus from their worries to the recipe. Baking is also a way to communicate your feelings. Food, for many cultures, is an expression of love. We understand food. Baking also requires mindfulness. Get distracted and you’ve replaced baking powder with baking soda and oops! Baking helps us to engage in the daily routines of life. There’s a social rhythm to it. It’s selfless, positive and priceless. There’s a reason why we jealously guard our family recipes. They’re part of our history. A witness to our lives, so to speak. Yes, you just might take Grandma’s biscuit recipe to your grave, but I sure hope you share it with us first.
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Topic - The crisis of adults with autism
About 50,000 people with autism in the US turn 18 every year. Life beyond the high school years is uncharted territory for them and it’s becoming a crisis. For the first two years after high school, more than half of young adults with autism spectrum disorder or ASD were unemployed and weren’t attending college or vocational training. Six years after high school, only a third had attended college and barely half ever held a paid job. The years after high school are critical for building the structure for the rest of our lives, but these young adults don’t get that chance. There are very few options for them and most resources are created by small groups of families. We spend most of our lives in adulthood. When each person with ASD doesn’t achieve independence, it costs society millions and the emotional pain is priceless. America needs to focus on job and independent living opportunities for those on the spectrum.
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Topic - Husbands stress wives twice as much as the children do
In today’s society, women find themselves parenting their husbands rather than relying on them. In fact, nearly half of women feel that their husbands stress them more than the kids. Women do it all. We play doctor, teacher, chef, maid and all other jobs “as needed”. We’re not superhuman and yes, we run out of gas. We do most of the parenting, most of the household duties and we don’t have enough time to finish everything, let alone have a moment to ourselves. Slowly, almost without noticing, others begin to expect more and more of us. We start to expect more and more of ourselves. That’s because we’ve trained them to expect the impossible. We need to get off the hamster wheel, sit down with our loved ones and begin delegating responsibilities. We need to explain how much we’re struggling and ask for their help. Something’s gotta give.
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Topic - Postpartum depression and the timing of birth
Would you be surprised to learn that one way to avoid postpartum depression is to give birth in the spring or winter? It’s likely that this protective mechanism allows mothers to spend more time indoors with their newborns. Mothers who give birth in the spring or winter typically don’t give birth early and are at less risk of depression. Mothers with lower body mass index scores and who did not have anesthesia during labor faired better emotionally. Being white contributes to having higher spirits after giving birth probably because of reduced economic stress. This newfound understanding of seasonal risk is valuable, but it may be the case that when a mother gives birth to a mature, healthy baby, she will be less stressed. Post-partum depression is a complex mix of psychological and medical factors. Knowing some of these factors can alert you to your risks.
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Topic - Is my baby’s placenta healthy?
Science gives us information about the important things we can’t see happening in our bodies. Imaging and medical tests have replaced the exploratory surgeries of previous decades. For the first time in history, 3-D MRIs can tell us if our baby’s placenta is healthy. It can tell us if the shape, volume and texture of baby’s first organ is delivering oxygen, nutrients to your baby. If it’s doing a good job, your baby is healthy. If not, things can go wrong fast and both baby’s and mother’s health can be in danger. Placental diseases are rare. If they are underway, this kind of imaging can, with 86% accuracy, identify the problems very early and allow doctors to intervene. Placental disease that impairs baby’s growth needs to be addressed immediately. This science allows us to give kids the life they deserve.
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Topic - Mothers favor daughters and dads, their sons
Well, this makes sense. Mothers buy gifts for their daughters and fathers buy gifts for their sons. Does that mean that they favor one child over another? Yes, it does. When it comes to wills, mothers leave more to their daughters, and fathers, to their sons. Mothers sign up daughters for raffles in order to benefit them. Fathers buy their sons lottery tickets. How does this impact them in later life? Women who are in the position to give promotions may award them to women more than men. The same dynamic happens with men. It’s unclear if this kind of gender bias influences decisions for college savings, politics and charitable giving, but it makes sense that it does. We can correct this dynamic by making ourselves aware of our biases. This kind of favoritism is likely unintentional, but it causes problems, regardless. Do you treat your children equally?
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Topic - The first child death from THC poisoning
In 2017, an 11-month old child died from a heart condition related to THC poisoning. Basically, he died from marijuana. Initially, the doctors were unsure if there was a direct link. Since that time, however, more children have experienced significant medical conditions due to consuming edibles, usually cookies, or other marijuana-related food products. Children are able to open the packages. Most of the severe cases are in kids who are 3 and younger. These kids put everything in their mouths because it’s their primary way of exploring their world. They come into the ER with various states of consciousness and, at times, coma. They appear to be intoxicated. Their pupils are dilated, they are floppy and unresponsive. Because their symptoms could reflect a number of conditions, delays in diagnosing a child can lead to greater complications. Keep THC products locked up.
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Topic - If you tell your kid they’re smart, they may cheat more
Young kids who are told they’re smart and who believe it, are more likely to cheat in school than other kids. As it turns out, praise is much more complex than it seems. When praising a child for being smart, it’s implied that intelligence is unchanging. Intelligence fluctuates and the greatest increase is seen in the teen years when the brain is undergoing significant renovation. When kids feel the pressure to perform well in order to meet the expectations of others, they’ll violate their values and cheat. When they cheat, they create anxiety and a sense of false success and this can become a slippery slope. It’s best to comment on a specific task such as “You did very well on this test” versus making blanket statements about a child’s intelligence. In this way, praise is positive and acknowledges their success without creating expectations.
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Topic - Healthcare workers go to work sick
The medical profession is legendary for its hard workers, but seriously people, when you’re sick, stay home. About 40% of healthcare workers report for duty when they have flu symptoms. This is really dangerous for health care personnel who are working with older patients, younger patients and those with immune system problems. Patients who are exposed to a healthcare worker who’s sick are 5 times more likely to get that worker’s infection than other people. Those who come to work, show up for multiple days while they’re actively experiencing symptoms. Doctors and pharmacists were the worst offenders. This problem is also linked to the hospital culture that promotes working despite being ill. In order to change this culture, those healthcare staff who show up sick need to be sent home and still be paid. Many show up because they can’t afford to miss work.
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Topic - High nicotine e-cigarettes increase vaping and smoking in teens
As if the vaping news isn’t bad enough, we now know that when teens vape high amounts of nicotine, they end up vaping and smoking more in the future. When kids moved from low to medium to high amounts of nicotine, they were twice as likely, at each step, to smoke tobacco products more frequently. As for their increase in vaping, they were vaping much more than they were smoking. That “black box” warning that comes with e-cigarettes is useless. Vaping leads to more frequent vaping and kids taking more puffs each time they vaped. It also leads to smoking more tobacco products. Every aspect of vaping is unhealthy and potentially fatal for kids and teens. Nicotine use in kids leads to problems with learning, attention, impulse control and addiction. Make sure your kids know that, in your family, there is a zero-tolerance policy for both vaping and smoking.
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Topic - Angry people die sooner. Chill out.
Anger management class. What a joke. It doesn’t work because people have a neurological or psychological hair trigger for that rage. The ultimate consequence of being a rage-a-holic? Death. Angry people were much more likely to die than those who know how to keep their cool. Why? There are a number of factors linking stress to physical damage including the frequent release of adrenaline, a stress hormone, that leads to life-threatening illnesses such as multiple sclerosis. Grumpy people don’t sleep well because they just don’t relax long enough. Anger causes headaches, makes you anxious and depressed, causes you to get sick more often and actually makes you vulnerable to lung and heart diseases. And, if that’s not enough, it makes you look old. Chronic stress and anger reduces the amount of the hormone necessary to make collagen which gives you that youthful look. Get help to chill out.
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Topic - Don’t eat cheap ramen. Yuck.
Doctors used a pill-sized camera to see what happens to ramen when it hits your gut. After 2 hours, the noodles aren’t digested. This is a strain on your system because the longer the digestive time, the more the stomach is exposed to the noodles’ toxic preservative TBHQ. TBHQ is a petroleum by-product. It’s found in varnish, pesticides, and Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups. The biggest risk of cheap, instant ramen? Metabolic syndrome which is a cluster of conditions of high blood pressure and sugar, excess body fat around the waist and excess cholesterol leading to heart disease, stroke and diabetes. The 1900 mg of sodium in ramen is enough to create problems alone. The MSG is associated with nerve damage and is implicated in Parkinson’s, Alzheimer’s and Lou Gehrig’s disease. Wanna eat fast and cheap? Make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich at home.
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Topic - Humans love dogs more than other people
We love dogs more than we love each other. And, we have more empathy for the pooches who are in tough situations than we do for suffering people. When it comes to competing with dogs, only babies can give them a run for their money. When a research study was done showing an attack on a puppy, an adult dog, an infant and a 30-year old adult, the adult came in last in terms of sympathy. What’s at the heart of this? Is it because we think that the adult human can fend for themselves? They should know how to fight back and get help. The adult dog was seen as more powerful and skilled in protecting himself. The infant should have someone looking out for him. It’s the puppy who’s the most vulnerable because he doesn’t have the strength and know-how and no one else to protect him. As a result, we feel the most empathy for him. Dogs are man’s best friend because men aren’t.
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Topic - Wait until 8th pledge
Wait until the 8th grade before giving your kid a smartphone. This is the new pledge circulating among parents because of the powerful role that having that phone plays in the lives of children. The smartphone is reshaping childhood in ways that aren’t healthy. Kids aren’t playing outside. They’re not spending time hanging with their crew or reading books. They’re also not spending time with family. What they are doing is spending time on social media, watching YouTube videos, snap chatting and Instagramming. Until they’re 16 or 17, depending on their maturity level, give them only a basic phone that just calls and texts. This way, they can still reach you and text you and their friends, so it won’t cripple their social status. Having a basic phone keeps them away from the things they can’t control or understand. They really don’t need the world brought right up into their faces. Say “yes” to the plan.
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Topic - ADHD and childbirth
Hormones affect everything and when you’re pregnant and have ADHD, managing the symptoms is a struggle especially if you’re told to stop taking your medication. Hormones are in tremendous flux during pregnancy, mostly because the placenta produces its own hormones and causes the thyroid and adrenal glands to produce more than their usual amount. Hormone levels rise in the first months of pregnancy resulting in mood swings, fatigue and anxiety. But as estrogen rises, many women feel that their ADHD improves. After delivery, hormones drop and the “baby blues” can set in. Women with ADHD are more prone to postpartum depression. Talk with your doctor about taking your meds during pregnancy and nursing. Some stimulants may cause heart defects in baby. Get the support you need to balance work and motherhood while you adjust to your new life.
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Topic - Eating peanuts while nursing can protect babies from peanut allergy
Peanut allergies cripple the lives of some people with potentially fatal reactions. Recently, it’s been learned that if new mothers ate peanuts while breast feeding, they might protect their children from developing the allergy. This is the latest evidence to suggest that young kids should be exposed to nuts early in life in order to reduce their risk. When peanuts are introduced before baby is a year old, there is less of a chance they’ll have a serious reaction, by the time they are of school age. The efforts currently being taken include mothers eating nuts while they’re pregnant, having young children eat finger foods containing small amounts of peanuts and having a child wear a peanut patch to decrease their sensitivity to the nut. This process is very much like an immunization. It makes sense to expose kids to small bits in order to train their bodies not to react aggressively. A better life for everyone!
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Topic - Women and the military draft
In October, 2017, the Pentagon recommended that women be required to register for the military draft in order to boost enrollment by 11 million soldiers. Currently, only male citizens and immigrants between the ages of 18 and 25 are currently required to sign up for the draft. At this time, there is no active draft and no citizen is required to join the military. Of course, that could change in a moment if we were attacked by a foreign government. However, we have a big problem. 71% of 17 to 24-year olds don’t qualify for military service because of obesity, lack a high school diploma or have certain tattoos and ear gauges. Some are taking medications for ADHD. However, some of these requirements can be waived. We may not be ready to go to war, but we may not know until the troops take to the battlefield, the oceans or the skies.
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Topic - Stop cleaning their room!
We do too much for our children. Why? Because we parents would rather do it ourselves and avoid the nagging, the pleading, the hassle altogether. Let’s start with their room. Sit down with them at the serious table. Have a printed contract that states they will make their beds every morning before school, they will take out the trash every Saturday and there will be no food or drink ever in the bedroom. Have them sign and date it. If they don’t follow any of the rules, they sleep on the floor in the living room on a pallet. You’ll decide how long they’ll sleep there. If they can’t respect and appreciate their living quarters, they don’t get to have them. It’s a bit harsh, yes, but will drive the message home. The message is, “You’re old enough to have this responsibility. I am not your housekeeper. You will respect yourself and our home. If you fail to follow the rules, it’s on you”.
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Topic - Financial infidelity
Is your spouse financially faithful? Do you suspect that they’re making significant financial moves without you? Financial infidelity is dangerous and can wreck a marriage. Have you found a credit card statement for a card you didn’t know existed? Has cash gone missing? Is your partner suddenly on a buying spree? Do they get emotional when you bring up money topics and suddenly start worrying about your financial status? Do they get paranoid about you getting to the mailbox before them? What about taking you off a joint credit card? Do they lie to you about how they’re spending money? Getting a little worried about this list? Then do something. Avoid accusations, but be curious. Propose a full financial checkup for the both of you. If possible, set money goals you both can get behind. If the infidelity has permanently wrecked the family’s financial future, you may not be able to forgive. If you can forgive, move on.
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Topic - Americans’ greatest concerns aren’t what they used to be
Americans used to be most concerned about corruption, now we’re worried the most about immigration. We’re also dissatisfied with our government, racial relations, unifying the country and the obvious lack of respect we have for one another. We’re not as worried as we used to be about the economy and healthcare. But, ethics, moral, religious values and the decline of the family are still in the running. Considering that we have our own microcosms of fear and dread, mainly the health of our families, this is a lot. No wonder anxiety and depression are the fastest growing mental health diagnoses and the prescriptions for both are growing exponentially. Take a “control the controllable” approach. Look around. What do you have control over and what steps can you take to improve your quality of life? Your family and your life are worth your effort.
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Topic - Mindfulness is effective for treating anxiety
We know that therapy works. Opening up to a therapist about life’s struggles can be effective, but it’s not for everyone. A new study finds that mindfulness meditation can be just as beneficial to patients as psychotherapy. The study compared those who underwent cognitive-behavior therapy, a very effective technique for dealing with depression and anxiety, with those who practiced mindfulness. Both groups had significantly decreased symptoms. This is important research because it shows that, for those who cannot afford therapy, mindfulness group therapy can be a cheaper option. Anxiety and depression are increasing at remarkable rates and alternatives need to be explored. These are conditions that must be treated. Consider mindfulness group therapy to address your symptoms. You deserve a better quality of life without anxiety and depression.
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Topic - 13% of Americans are alcoholics
The opioid epidemic gets a lot of press and it should, but there’s a rise in dangerously heavy drinking in the US that isn’t getting any media coverage. Why is this new epidemic hiding in plain sight? Fully 13% of Americans have some kind of alcohol-related disorder, a 50% increase from the previous decade. It’s a huge problem, considering that a half million people suffer injuries from those who are drinking. And that’s not all. About one-third of people indulge in high-risk binge drinking which can cause life-long problems. Women are at the forefront as the rise in binge drinking for us is 58%. Serious health risks such as cancer, heart and liver disease, strokes, and diabetes are associated with drinking. Alcohol-related diseases are costing America $250 billion a year. Get help if you’re drinking is out of control.
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Topic - Why having an hour earlier in the morning is good for you
Hate it when Daylight Saving Time ends and you have to roll your clocks back an hour? Think that extra hour of morning daylight isn’t going to help you? Well, you’re wrong. When sunlight hits your eyes in the morning, it sets off the cortisol awakening response which jumpstarts your day. Your brain is turned on for the next 6 hours and that’s the best time to get your thinking done. Big projects on the calendar? Get ‘em done between 6 a.m. and noon. During these magic 6 hours, your brain is better able to learn and function. We’re designed to respond to light with activity and to darkness with sleep. Because winter can be so gloomy, we need this shot of cortisol to get us up and going. If you’re one of those folks who complains bitterly about the time change, you’re likely to be the one to benefit the most from the early morning sun. Throw open the shades and drink in the light!
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Topic - The unintended consequences of being a parent
We parents make so many decisions regarding our kids on a daily basis that a little brain fatigue can be forgiven. Or can it? He wants to go on the slide so badly, but he’s only 18 months. So, grandma, you put him on your lap and slide down. His sneaker gets caught on the side of the slide. You get it unstuck and continue to the ground only to realize that he can’t walk. His leg is broken. You later learn that this kind of injury is common, but that doesn’t take away your guilt. Your toddler falls asleep in the car seat on the way home from the park. OK! Right to bed for you, young lady. You take off her shoes, socks and jeans and down she goes. Later, you hear her gasping on the baby monitor. Help arrives and you learn that she swallowed the hair clip that you used earlier in the day to hold her ponytail in place. You can’t predict all of the things that can go wrong. Just do the best you can.
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Topic - The stronger effects of vaping marijuana
If you don’t smoke marijuana on a regular basis, and then vape it, the effects are stronger than smoking pot even when the dosages are the same. You might end up having short-term anxiety, paranoia, memory loss, distractibility and vomiting. This stronger impact could be the result of heating the cannabis plant to high temperatures, causing the THC to be vaporized and inhaled by the smoker. The higher temperatures end up causing higher amounts of THC to be absorbed into the bloodstream. Now that marijuana has been legalized, decriminalized and commercialized in the US, more is being learned about the different ways people are using it and the side effects. Those who smoke pot infrequently and then vape, should be extremely careful of the amount they’re using in a vaporizer. They definitely should not drive for several hours after vaping marijuana.
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Topic - Mass incarceration impacts us all
Forty-five percent of American adults have at least one family member in prison. Usually, that family member is a sibling, but it can be a grandparent, a parent, a spouse or a child. This kind of mass incarceration is a uniquely American phenomenon. For African-Americans and those with poor education, about 60% of those families have an imprisoned member. Fifteen percent of college-educated white families have someone in jail, but if you’re black, having an education doesn’t affect your risk of going to jail. The reality of imprisonment is grim. The numbers don’t reflect the true damage. Having a family member in jail is severely disruptive and impacts the children involved for the rest of their lives. The children are diagnosed with anxiety, depression and Posttraumatic Stress Disorder. Children with incarcerated family members need special attention.
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Topic - The love affair with cars. The kids aren’t buying it.
For Generation Z, born after 1997, cars don’t excite them as much as previous generations. Why? Because the Gen Z’s are loaded with student debt, they’re moving into cities and there are other options for getting around. The percentage of teen drivers has been sliding for the past few decades. Many young people are delaying buying their first car. Insurance, maintenance and the cost of driver’s education are all steep, causing Gen Z to buy 120,000 fewer cars this year than millennials when they started driving. Ride-sharing options, plus digital devices to socialize from home non-stop and the fact that new car prices are just ridiculously high make them shy away from owning their cars. The ripple effect in Detroit is making the Motor City change its mind about the kinds of cars to offer the coming generations.
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Topic - Screen time and blinking. What you need to know.
We’re working at the computer for hours on end leading to vision problems. Makes sense, right? But, the problems aren’t coming from the screen itself, but from the fact that we’re not blinking enough. Humans blink about 20 times a minute, but when we’re on the computer, that drops to just 1 to 3 times a minute. As a result, you and your kids get blurred vision, dry eyes and headaches. On the computer too long? Follow the 20-20-20 rule. Every 20 minutes, look at something 20 feet away for 20 seconds. This gives your eyes time to rest. Have a partner who scrolls in bed? Be careful of “secondhand screen time”. And don’t rub your eyes. Using over the counter eye drops should help. See your doctor if dryness and blurry vision don’t improve after these “home remedies” and common-sense approaches.
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Topic - Scaredy tooth
Sixty percent of American adults are too scared to go to the dentist, but the millennials are even worse. Thirty percent of millennials brush their teeth only once a day and many have gone two or three days without brushing at all. So, it makes sense that more than half of them are anxious and fearful about losing their teeth. What do they expect? This is a great example of the knowledge-execution gap where you know what to do, you just don’t do it! Maybe it’s because most people fear dentists more than they do surgeons. They’re so afraid, in fact, that they’d go without sex for a month as trade-off for not seeing a dentist. With those rotten teeth, what are the chances of a liaison anyway? Millennials say it’s the noise and pain that spooks them the most. What to do? Research the dentists that focus on creating a comfortable setting and reducing your anxiety and pain. That’s a good start right there. Your teeth will thank you!
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Topic - I prefer the dog
Is sibling rivalry wearing you out? It may be time to get a dog. Yes, really. When there’s a dog or two in the house, the relationships those pets have with the kids is closer than the ones they have with their siblings. Kids report having less conflict and more satisfaction with their pets than with their brothers and sisters. Girls, especially, enjoy a strong bond with their pets and they tell them all of their secrets. Pets seem to enhance a child’s development, too. Kids talk with their fur friends and those friends don’t talk back, don’t tease them, don’t hurt their feelings, are always happy to see them, love them unconditionally and want to be part of their lives. Kids can practice their social skills on their pets. They learn how to show empathy and loving kindness. They learn to give love and receive it. Sibling rivalry? A furry mediator just might be what you need.
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Topic - Tattoos are now widely accepted
Mothers, doctors, teachers, police officers, firefighters, soldiers, and CEOs have something in common. They’re getting tattoos. Tattoos are now widely accepted in mainstream society and the business world. Tattoo conventions are held in several countries and host tens of thousands of people over multi-day events. Once upon a time, tattoos represented the culture of bikers, thugs and criminals and were a serious hindrance to employment. According to research, having reasonable tattoos doesn’t keep a person from being hired. Those who might never consider tattoos, such as grandparents, are going with their grandchildren to get matching ink. Historically, Jewish cemeteries prohibited the burial of Jews with tattoos and now, even that practice is being reconsidered as some accept the faithful with ink for burial in sacred ground.
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Topic - Sickness behavior
There’s evidence that the relationship between allergies and anxiety is a two-way street. Allergies can cause anxiety and depression which are mood disturbances and mood disturbances can make you vulnerable to allergies. When allergies start, people dread the suffering and become anxious, hopeless and helpless to stop it. The chronic swelling in the sinuses builds, making anxiety and depression worse and the cycle goes on. Then, “sickness behavior” which includes lethargy, loss of appetite, sleepiness, and concentration problems, cripples your life. When all animals are sick, they show this behavior. It’s a protection created through evolution that’s designed to save energy. Don’t suffer. Get serious about getting well and staying well. See an allergist, follow their recommendations to the letter and give yourself some time to overcome the inflammation and live your life.
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Topic - Should babies get flu shots?
With all the immunizations that infants get during their first year of life, parents may be very willing to pass on getting the annual flu shot, but that would be a mistake. The Centers for Disease Control recommends that infants under the age of 6 months get the shot as early as September of the upcoming flu season in order for them to develop immunity. For children not yet fully vaccinated, they may need two doses. The nasal spray isn’t as effective as the shot and can be given along with other vaccinations. While babies can react with fever, chills, muscle aches, headache and nausea, that’s a small price to pay for not developing dehydration, pneumonia, bronchitis, asthma, brain swelling, ear and sinus infections and death. 172 children died of the flu during 2017-18 season and 80% of them weren’t vaccinated. You can’t live with the consequences.
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Topic - The real cost of nighttime snacking
Get hungry late at night and eat junk? Giving into those temptations is causing a host of problems. Eating late interferes with the sleep cycle which then contributes to craving even more high carb and fat foods. Sleep has an important role in regulating metabolism. This cycle of snacking and poor sleep results in obesity which can cause diabetes and heart problems. You snack and then, your blood sugar, blood pressure and heart rate go up. Not exactly sleepytime conditions. Got a full belly? You’re gonna have trouble falling asleep. If you go to bed before digesting your food, you just might end up with acid reflux or indigestion. Stop eating at least two hours before bed time to give your gut a chance to start digesting before laying down. Here’s a thought. While you’re working toward ending this cycle, prepare some light, nutritious snacks for when that impulsive need strikes.
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Topic - Get positive to have a baby
Depression and infertility. There’s new research with two very important findings for those trying to conceive. First is that men in the relationship should work to stay positive. Depression in the male partner can significantly lower the chances of conception. Males being treated for major depression are 60% less likely to conceive. Depression wasn’t an issue with females and conception. The second finding is that women who are taking Effexor, Serzone, Remeron or Trazodone for depression are about 3 and a half times more likely to have a first-trimester pregnancy loss than those who weren’t taking an antidepressant. Be prepared. Do some research about the role of depression and being treated for it and have candid conversations with your doctors about how these factors play a role in becoming a parent.
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Topic - We just do too much for our teens
We just don’t seem to notice. And though we know they’re growing, we don’t shift gears in parenting. What we should realize is that they’re ready to take over some responsibilities for themselves, but we’ve trained each other so well that we keep on doing what we’ve always done, much to their detriment. We’re going to hand off the baton, so start now because it’s a long process. Here’s how. Think about what the world will require of them. If they don’t like what you’ve made for dinner, they can make a PB & J. Don’t do their homework for them. If they can’t do it themselves, find out why and get help. Let your little ones dress themselves, and don’t pick up their toys. Put her toys in toy jail until she earns them back. While they’re young, you can fix all their problems. As they get older, teach them how to do it.
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Topic - Do you know what a brony is?
Do you know what a Brony is? A Brony is an adult man who’s a fan of the movie My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, a cartoon reboot of the 1980’s My Little Pony children’s animated classic. These men have found meaning in the values of the cartoon movie and the community that has built up around them. Bronies want others to know they’re not pedophiles or otherwise any different from men who chug beer and build motorcycles. They describe themselves as being real men. There’s a large online nation of Bronies and an annual BronyCon with thousands of attendees who dress up in costumes of their favorite characters. It’s evolved from guys who like to watch a girl’s cartoon show to a group that fund-raise, volunteer and improve the lives of others. They want you to know they’re a force for good and that Bronies aren’t who you think they are.
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Topic - Would they have been diagnosed today?
Have you ever wondered about the great men and women of history and if they lived today, would have been diagnosed with “something”? Leonardo da Vinci might have had Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder. Despite being a prolific painter, sculptor, engineer, architect and inventor, many of his ideas couldn’t be created because they were well ahead of the science of his time. Though records show he spent an excessive amount of time planning, he struggled mightily to finish anything. He was restless and couldn’t stick to one thing at a time. He was a chronic procrastinator. He rarely slept, was insatiably curious and highly distractible. But, the ADHD may have allowed him to think freely and may have contributed to his accomplishments. If he had more “stick-to-it-iveness, how many more pieces would be hanging in galleries!
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Topic - Depression shortens life span
Depression can shorten your life span and it’s not due to suicide. A 60-year study of a large group of adults revealed the importance of treating depression when it occurs. Adults at the highest risk for premature death were those who had just experienced an event. People with multiple depressive episodes during the study were also at the highest risk. Treating the disorder itself increases the odds of survival. Health risks such as poor diet, smoking, drinking to excess and being inactive occur with depression. How much shorter could your life be? It depends on your gender, but the range is 7 to 18 years. Depressed men were much more likely to die, but both groups evened out at 51% by the end of the study. The risk of depression drops over time, so get it treated, stay as healthy as possible and be aware of the risks.
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Topic - You do absorb energy from others
Frequently, we hear people talk about someone’s “energy”. It’s not just a way of describing how you feel about someone. The discipline of bioenergy is now being studied intensely. Scientists have discovered that plants draw on other plants to support their own life force. It’s a proof of concept that perhaps humans can draw this force from others in the same way. Humans’ physical bodies absorb the vibrations in the environment and avoiding emotionally toxic places is important to your overall health. Our emotional states require a lot of power and so, we tend to suck up the forces in our environment which either energizes us or triggers stress and the release of cortisol. You feel the negativity, but can’t explain the reasons for it. You don’t have to. When negativity enters your space, center yourself and move away. Ever have a person in your life who leaves you exhausted? Yeah, it’s like that.
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Topic - The first blood test for concussion
The FDA has approved a blood test to measure concussions and quickly identify brain injuries. This test may replace CT scans in about 30% of people with suspected brain trauma. Every year, there are about 3 million ER visits related to brain injury. Nearly 50,000 of those people die. Concussion is tricky to diagnose because in some, symptoms can show up right away and in others, they take hours or days to appear. When concussions occur, the brain releases proteins into the bloodstream and can be detected within 12 hours of the trauma. Specific protein levels can predict which patients have brain injury and which ones don’t. Using this blood test may reduce second-impact syndrome. This occurs when the first concussion isn’t resolved and another impact leads to brain swelling and dire consequences. Ask your kids’ football or cheer team if they have access to this technology just in case.
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Topic - The fine line between love and hate
Love and hate are the two most intense emotions. From a biological perspective, they’re intimately linked within the human brain. The brain’s circuits for hate are the same as those for romantic love. Even though love and hate appear to be opposites, they aren’t, at least in the brain and this could explain why they can result in similar acts of heroic and evil deeds. Two brain structures that are activated in both love and hate are critical to preparing for aggression, possibly to challenge a rival. One big difference between love and hate is that large parts of the reasoning brain go silent during love and only a small part is quiet in hate. This may be a protective mechanism to keep hate from overwhelming a person resulting in violence and harm. It’s not as dangerous to be consumed by love. Love and hate are two heads of the same coin.
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Topic - Buddha’s 4 elements of true love
Love has been written about more than any other topic and is often part of faith-based writings. Buddhism tells about the 4 virtues and behavior of love that make relationships more joyous and meaningful. The first virtue of maitri is kindness. Understanding how the person needs to be loved is critical. The second virtue is karuna, compassion. This reflects the desire and the ability to ease the pain of others by understanding their suffering. The third is mudita, joy or happiness. If there’s no joy or happiness, your love isn’t true. The fourth virtue is upeksha, freedom. Both people must feel free in the relationship, allowing each to grow and develop as individuals. Being yourself and having time alone are critical. Freedom in the relationship means sharing ideas and thoughts openly. Are you using the 4 virtues to achieve the life you want?
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Topic - People! Stop flossing with these things!
Just 16% of us floss daily. Why don’t we? It takes too much time, it’s painful or just plain gross. If that’s not bad enough, people pry debris from their teeth using all kinds of things. The Waterpik company did a study to learn about the unusual items that people use instead of floss. 61% have used their fingernails to remove food. Many others have used folded paper or cards, safety pins, knives, forks and strands of hair. Oh yes, most of the people confessed they knew better and reported that they hurt themselves when they went digging for dental debris, but they did it anyway. We know that mouth bacteria is related to some big-ticket health problems like heart disease. Where do you want to spend your time - comfortably flossing your teeth in your own bathroom or a few weeks in cardiac intensive care? Totally your call.
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Topic - Teach your kids how to call 911 for emergencies
The 9-1-1 emergency system was born in the late 60’s. Do your kids know how to use it? When there’s a crisis, it’s even harder to think of what to say, but some basics will help everyone. First, many homes don’t have landlines which are tied to street addresses, so you must give your address as soon as they answer. 70% of 9-1-1 calls come from cell phones, so be aware of your surroundings so help can arrive at the right place quickly. Second, give them your phone number in case you get cut off. Third, tell them your name and the nature of the emergency so they can send the right help. Have young kids? Tape your address and phone number to your landline. No landline? Then display the address in a prominent place and practice with your kids how to find it. Role play with your kids how to make the call so if they need to, they can. Teach them how to NOT TALK OVER the dispatcher and to listen to the questions.
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Topic - The Dark Triad
Don’t know quite what to think about that first date? Was he too assertive, monopolized too much of the conversation and rude to the waiter? Did he give you the creeps. Get away. This guy has traits of the Dark Triad. He’s psychopathic, narcissistic and cynical. Others may see him as protective and caring and that’s just what he wants you to think. Men and women are attracted to narcissism and men are attracted to psychopathic women because they’re usually attractive and shallow. Evaluate that first date. If she’s protective and comforting, she might turn out to be possessive and controlling. If he’s assertive and direct, it’s a mask for aggression and rudeness. Is she passionate? That might be “code” for violent and volatile. He’s condescending but plays it off as confidence. Observe. Ask yourself, “What could this mean for my future?”
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Topic - Are active shooter drills scaring children?
What do you think about having active shooter drills in school, especially elementary school? Kids are being taught to deal with a rare and extremely scary event. And, because they’re children, they struggle to draw the line between fantasy and reality. Make the enactment real enough and kids will be damaged emotionally and may end up with an anxiety disorder. First responders and soldiers undergo intense preparation for such an event. What good will it do an 8-year old to “train” once a month? They won’t remember that “training” when violence erupts. The focus needs to be elsewhere. We need to put our efforts toward teaching the adults. The best protection is a secure campus including fencing, controlled entry and a well-trained, dedicated campus resource officer or police. That’s it. Stop scaring the little people.
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Topic - Children raised in rural areas have better motor skills. Why is that?
Kids who live outside of cities have stronger motor skills because they spend more time doing chores and have more space to play in than city kids. Organized sports benefit city kids, but overall, country children are more competent with ball control and balance which improves both the large and fine motor skills necessary for schoolwork. Kids who handle balls have more competitive playground skills leading to success at recess. Play ball, do balance activities, teach coordination with jumping jacks, galloping, skipping and hop scotch. For hand-eye skills, use a t-ball set-up for sports with swinging motions. Begin with rolling balls to teach kids to anticipate things coming toward them. Use all size balls when playing catch. Start with beach balls and make your way down. Teach agility by running and quickly changing directions. Play is just another way to build learning skills, so get out there!
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Topic - Service dogs and your kids
You see the seriously adorable dogs with the brightly colored vests walking with their owner and you just want to go up and hug ‘em. You don’t because they’re working. But, do your kids know how to behave when they see a service dog? Much of the time, service dogs offer emotional support to those suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder or other anxiety conditions. Others help people with medical problems such as diabetes, a seizure disorder or another “invisible” disability, so it’s important to train your kids to admire, but stay away from working service dogs. In general, your kids should be trained not to run up to animals, but to ask an adult to get permission to approach them. You can’t know the burdens people carry and for many, just going out in public can be a serious challenge. If you don’t train your children, they might cause a crisis and end up being traumatized, too. Be prepared.
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Topic - Tai Chi reduces depression symptoms
Tai chi is the form of Chinese martial arts that’s practiced for its health benefits. In local parks, you’ve seen groups of people moving slowly through the positions. While tai chi is typically used as part of a treatment regimen for physical ailments, we now see its benefits for those with depression. This kind of exercise is culturally accepted by those who avoid traditional psychotherapy and medications to treat emotional distress. Since tai chi is a peaceful form of exercise, it’s perfect for those who are dealing with medical conditions that may exclude them from other forms of exercise. Considering that just one hour of physical activity a week can prevent the onset of depressive symptoms, tai chi might be your “one size fits all” solution to get your body and mind moving!
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Topic - The 99 terrible nights
Seventy million American adults have sleep problems. Sleep has become such a valuable commodity they’d pay $300 for one perfect night’s sleep! Annually, adults get only 106 nights of great sleep, but 99 terrible nights. Most adults sleep, on average, 6 hours and 17 minutes, well below the recommended amount of 7 to 9 consecutive hours. Though a third of us snooze on our sides, most of us feel we doze best on our backs. Nighttime routines can make or break your chances. For the best odds of getting a good snooze, cuddle up with your pet and cool down the room. Avoid caffeine, alcohol, sugar, tv and technology. Use a weighted blanket or knitted sleep pod, a high quality mattress, great pillows and linens. Listen to white noise and get that lavender diffuser going. Sweet dreams!
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Topic - Female family members are the most difficult
You can’t live with us and you can’t live without us. Yes, we women are the most caring and helpful people in times of need, but we’re also the most difficult people in your lives. Out of this group, it’s the mothers, sisters and wives who prove to be the most challenging. Why? Because once we’re in, we stay in. Men? They just help and leave, but we can’t! We both nurture and nag, only because we love you so much! We hold you hostage because you can’t get away. We’re family. Female friends aren’t seen as frustratingly intrusive and relentless because, well, they’re just friends. They come and go as they please. As for us female family members, it’s ride or die, baby. We’re in it until the end and we’ll tell you every little thing you need to do and then supervise you! My advice…run, run as fast as you can!
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Topic - 45 minutes later, soda affects the body big time
We eat too much food with chemicals, dyes and preservatives and the body just can’t handle it. Your gut spends a lot of time trying to digest the garbage you eat. The body takes only two hours to digest a salad. A hamburger - 3 days. As a result, you’ve got a lot of residue built up from the stuff your body couldn’t get rid of. One bottle of Coke has over 5 tablespoons of sugar. Know this - in 10 minutes, you’ll get all of the sugar your body needs for one day. After 20 minutes, your liver will turn that sugar into fat. By 40 minutes, that sugar is now raising your blood pressure and causing your pupils to dilate. At 45 minutes, dopamine jacks up your heart rate. Drink too much of this stuff at once and you die of a heart attack. Enough said. Cut it out!
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Topic - We’re developing horns from our digital devices
Ah, those unintended consequences. It’s not that we suffer from a failure of imagination because there’s just no way to imagine how digital devices could impact our lives. We just couldn’t see that the constant forward tilt of the head would shift weight from the spine to the muscles at the back of the head and cause boney horns to develop at the lower back of our skull. Yes, we’re growing horns. We’ve seen other physical and psychological conditions resulting from being “coupled” constantly with our cell phones, but this is the first time we’ve seen a serious deformity in posture. This deformity can cause chronic headaches and pain in the upper neck and back. We have text neck which contributes to a double chin at a very young age and text thumb which is comparable to carpal tunnel syndrome. I’m sure more surprises will pop up. Practice positive posture!
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Topic - Legal marijuana leads to more car accidents
And it’s another unintended consequence! While there’s been a decrease in hospitalizations for chronic pain since marijuana was legalized, there’s been a 10% increase in pot-related car accidents and injuries. Medical marijuana is now legal in 28 states and 9 of these states have legalized it for recreational use. At the federal level, it’s still illegal. Since the laws have changed, data can be collected regarding hospitalizations for millions of people to determine if the impact of legalization and widespread use of marijuana hurts the public at large. This data can also help agencies to create educational programs that warn about driving under the influence of pot and the potential for becoming addicted to other drugs. It’s always something.
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Topic - Will orange juice give you cancer?
Do you drink large amounts of fruit juice, soda, lemonade and energy drinks? If so, your overall cancer risk is increased by 20%. Why is sugar connected to cancer? Mostly because of sugar’s relationship to obesity and obesity’s relationship to cancer. And don’t think that if your sugar is coming from fruit juice and not sodas that it’s healthier because it isn’t. The recommendation from the latest research says that you don’t have to eliminate sugary drinks altogether, but limit to less than one a day. Don’t think one giant glass of soda is fine because it isn’t. It’s not just about the amount of sugar, but the effects of sugar on the fat around vital organs, wildly fluctuating blood sugar levels and the increase in inflammation. All of these are factors in the development of cancer.
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Topic - Allergies and anxiety
We’ve known for a while that adults with allergies tend to have anxiety and depression as a result of the release of inflammatory chemicals called cytokines. They leak into your blood and affect the way the brain functions. Now, it’s believed that children’s allergies can cause the same kinds of problems. Kids with severe allergies have high rates of anxiety, depression and withdrawn behavior. Significant amounts of circumstantial evidence, including that most suicides occur during the times when pollen is most intense, validate that allergies trigger the release of cortisol, a stress hormone, which then interferes with nature’s antidepressant, serotonin. Feeling sick, coughing, sneezing and wheezing can trigger anxiety in nearly everyone, and kids have limited coping skills, so the burden is heavier on them. Don’t dismiss your kids’ allergies. Help them. See a pediatric allergist to get the best care possible.
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Topic - Personalities are contagious among kids
When convicts are on parole, they’re told not to associate with other criminals? Makes sense, right? What if I told you that the same goes for your kids? New studies indicate that children’s personalities are strongly influenced not just by their parents and teachers, but by their peers. We now know that children’s personality traits are “contagious” to other kids. We used to think that these traits were ingrained by age 6, but that’s not true. At 3 to 4, kids mimic their extroverted and hard-working peers. Even better, they don’t copy their anxious and easily frustrated classmates. Since young children are much more observant and “savvier” than we adults give them credit for, you’ll need to be very aware of the kids in your child’s preschool. If most of the kids are socially-developed and on-task, they will benefit your child. Foster relationships with these classmates.
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Topic - Fertility treatments increase baby’s cancer risks
As more and more children are conceived through in vitro fertilization and ovulation induction, we’re learning that those interventions have risks. Previously, IVF has been associated with Autism, ADHD, Cerebral Palsy and genetic disorders. There’s evidence that both IVF and ovulation induction are linked to an increased risk for childhood cancer. Researchers concluded that tumors, both cancerous and non-cancerous, were seen much more frequently in children who were medically conceived than those children who were conceived naturally. This means that babies conceived using fertility treatments should be monitored carefully for their overall health throughout childhood. Talk with your doctor about concerns for your child’s risk for cancers related to medical conception.
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Topic - Breast size and self-examination
We’re told to examine our breasts every month to detect changes. Yet, if you’re unhappy with your breast size, you’re less likely to do a self-exam and if you find “something”, you won’t report it to your doctor. The women who were studied revealed that one third wanted smaller breasts and half wanted a larger size; only 20% were satisfied. About a third of them said they’ve never done a self-exam. The bottom line is that the more dissatisfied a woman is with her breast size, the less frequently she checked for changes. Self-examination can trigger shame and embarrassment, so it’s avoided. Out of the women who were studied, more than half said they wouldn’t see their doctor if they felt a lump and 10 percent said they’d wait until the last possible moment to take action. Some said they wouldn’t do anything at all. Ladies, be aware that you’re not alone in your feelings, but let’s not die of embarrassment, either.
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Topic - The magic of baby’s eye contact
You’re in love alright. You just can’t get enough of gazing into baby’s beautiful eyes. There’s a reason for the hypnosis that goes on between Momma and baby and it’s magical. When you gaze into those eyes, your brain synchronizes with baby’s and the result is a boost in communication, learning and empathic understanding. Looking into baby’s eyes causes millions of neurons to get all excited. Those neurons begin to connect and create networks to help baby understand her world. Those babies with the greatest level of synchronization also had the highest rate of vocalizing which is a pre-language skill. These high levels indicate the degree to which baby is “renting” Momma’s brain to develop its own. The research tells us that if Momma isn’t available to share her brain with baby, someone needs to step in and gaze into those wonderful eyes.
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Topic - Strained family relationships leads to depression later in life
Well, this makes sense. If you have strained relationships with your immediate family, primarily with your mother and siblings, you’re more likely to develop depression later in life than those who had less conflict. Women are especially at risk. If a woman struggled to have a consistently stable bond with her mother, her risk of depression is much greater than a man’s. When it comes to relationships with siblings and developing depression, both men and women had the same risk. You don’t leave these troubling relationships behind, either. You not only carry the scars with you into your later relationships, but you may end up caring for your parents, and the cycle of conflict begins again. It’s likely that as your kids leave the house for the first time, you find yourself back in the family cage fight. It’s a lot to handle. Get some help to stay healthy and enjoy your life.
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Topic - Living apart together
Adaptation is one of mankind’s greatest skills. And, we change with the times to meet our needs. One of the latest trends to come out of having a large and aging population is called “living apart together”. Divorced or widowed older singles are getting involved in intimate relationships, but maintaining separate residences. The unspoken agreement for these late-in-life relationships is one that says “we’re committed to one another, but living our own lives. I want my independence and I want to keep my family and finances separate from yours”. This trend started in Europe and was quickly adopted by Americans, mostly because of its practicality. This kind of arrangement makes sense, but it’s critical to understand the risks. Discuss end-of-life plans and the location of important documents and emergency contact information. Living together apart may be a new trend, but there are still old rules to follow.
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Topic - ADHD and the reproductive years
Women who take medication for ADHD have special needs. Just before their period starts, they feel hyperactive, restless, and inattentive and may not realize that their fluctuating hormone levels are impacting the medication. During the first 2 weeks of the menstrual cycle, estrogen levels rise which cause increases in serotonin and dopamine. These are the brain’s “feel-good” chemicals and life goes more smoothly then. During the second 2 weeks, progesterone reduces the benefits of estrogen on the brain and the ADHD meds don’t work as well. Feelings of depression and anxiety can worsen at this time. Ladies, for a few months keep a log of “what’s going on” in terms of ADHD symptoms and your cycle. Report the changes to your doctor. You may need additional medication to smooth things out a bit.
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Topic - Will you survive your doctor’s care?
Ever consider the risk factors in having a female versus a male
physician? What about an older, more experienced doctor versus one who is newly-trained? These factors are important to surviving your doctor’s care. If you have a female surgeon, you’re less likely to die within a month after the operation. Female surgeons are more patient-centered, better communicators and offer care that’s within guidelines. No cowboys. If you’re hospitalized and your doctor is older than 60 and younger than 40, you have a greater risk of dying than a patient with a 50-something physician. Age doesn’t matter if a doctor has a busy
caseload as their skills stay sharp. If you’re thinking about getting a second opinion, do it. 88% of the time, you’ll get a refined or a new diagnosis.
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Topic - The dangers of showering wearing contact lenses
There’s a horrifying risk for those of us who pop contact lenses in and
then, take a shower. That risk is the microscopic water-borne parasite
called Acanthamoeba. If it gets trapped between the contact lens and
cornea, this parasite will burrow into your eye and make itself at home. A British man traveled the terrifying 18-month long road from infection, to diagnosis to blindness to corneal scrapings, many rounds of eye drops, ultraviolet treatments, grafting of amniotic tissue to his cornea, to finally, a corneal transplant. He hopes to regain his vision by working with the organization, Fight for Sight. Be smart take out your contacts before swimming and showering. Don’t wear them too long. Don’t sleep with them. Don’t clean them with spit, or share them with others.
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Topic - Teenage dieting often a gateway to risky behaviors
Think that teenage girls who are dieting just want to get healthy? That
may be their intention, but you might want to consider that she’s started smoking or drinking alcohol to boost that weight loss. Adolescent girls who are dieting are nearly twice as likely to engage in smoking and binge drinking than other girls. Considering that even one episode of binge drinking can have lifelong consequences, pay attention. Yes, she skips meals. It’s time to find out what other steps she’s taking to kill her appetite. And, by the way, why is she dieting? Does she really need to lose 5 pounds or does she have a poor body image and think she’s fat? Is she typical of teenage girls? Yes, 70% of girls have dieted at some point over a period of three years. During puberty, they gain weight, but they also grow taller. They’re impatient and want to lose weight now. What are they willing to do to be thin?
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Topic - Bipolar disorder and intelligence
It’s really great to be intelligent, but high IQs can come with risks.
Research has made the connection between high IQs in childhood to
increased chances of bipolar disorder in adulthood. The risk is even
higher for those children with the strongest verbal intelligence.
Previously, science has proven the link between “creativity” and the risk of schizophrenia and bipolar disorder. There’s also an association between autism-related genes and higher intelligence. It’s all connected. Nature selects traits in such a way to enhance the survival of the species. As we humans have evolved, it’s likely some traits “rode” along with others because they served us in ways that are no longer necessary. In today’s society and education, language, social and attentional skills are critical to survival and success. Nature needs more time to catch up with
our rapidly changing culture.
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Topic - Wait, I’m gaining weight in my sleep?
If women leave a television or a room light on when we sleep, we will
gain weight, a lot of it, even when diet and physical activity are taken
into account. The light keeps melatonin from being produced, resulting in changes in our circadian rhythm and eating patterns. The light may cause chronic stress and interfere with the release of hormones that play a role in feeling hungry or metabolism, in general. The results of this study add to growing evidence that it’s best to sleep in a dark room. In the morning, sunlight penetrates your eyelids and cranks up the pineal gland in the brain that wakes you up. Perhaps when there a light on in your room, you may not be fully going to sleep which could keep your memories from being filed in the right places or even allow the brain’s debris to get washed away. Turn off the light and go to sleep!
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Topic - Vaccinated against heroin
Scientists at Scripps Research Institute have developed a vaccine that
successfully blocks the high of heroin for up to 8 months after getting
the injection. How does it work? It teaches the immune system to
produce antibodies against heroin and its mind-altering products that
create the high. Trials with monkeys proved that once the injection is
administered, they don’t feel the high because the heroin molecules
never reach the brain. Heroin is an opioid class of drugs. Now, there is
hope for vaccines against other prescription pain relievers such as
oxycodone, hydrocodone, morphine and fentanyl. Opioids account for
more than half of all drug-related deaths. As of 2017, more than 21
million Americans over the age of 12 were reported to have substance
abuse disorders. It’s a national health and family crisis.
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Topic - Is it because the gun is handy or because of mental illness?
We hear it nearly every week. Someone is shot and killed and the politicians take to the airways and demand gun control. Others talk about the role of mental health in violence. In many cases, the shooter has a history of erratic behavior, substance abuse, anger issues or had a mental health diagnosis. A new, long-term study revealed that mental illness is not an accurate predictor of gun violence. If mental illness were a valid predictor, I suspect there’d be a lot more shootings. The study revealed that access to weapons is the primary factor and that people who can easily put their hands on a gun were 18 times more likely to threaten someone with that gun than those without access. People frequently act on impulse when they pull the trigger. They’re overcome with intense emotions and don’t consider the consequences. Store your weapons properly to avoid impulsive acts of violence.
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Topic - ADHD medication and women’s hormones
Are you female? Do you have Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder? Do you take medications for it? Then, listen carefully. When girls hit puberty, they metabolize ADHD medication differently. Puberty causes the medicine to be metabolized more quickly because of higher levels of estrogen and progesterone. When the medication no longer works, doses are increased which may actually worsen symptoms. An increase in dosage benefits boys, but not girls. Girls may need a completely different medicine. If you see your tweenage or teenage ADHD daughter becoming more aggressive and she starts having academic problems, ask questions. These behaviors may be the first signs of substance abuse. Girls with ADHD have higher rates of depression than girls without it. Medication is just one of the tools. She may need behavioral support and help with time management and organization.
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Topic - Your body shape and assumptions
We learn a lot about other people just from looking at their faces. Their eyes, smiles and how their expressions make us feel leave us with an overall impression of them. Yet, when we step back and look at their body shape, we may come away with a completely different opinion of them. In fact, the shape of their body may change the way we interact with them altogether. If you have a heavier body structure, others may label you with negative traits such as carelessness and laziness. If you have a lighter build, they may describe you as being self-confident and enthusiastic. Have a rectangular-shaped body? Others may see you as being trustworthy, dependable, warm and shy. Have a classic male or female shape? People may see you as extraverted and maybe even irritable. Quickly “sizing up” someone is a universal human trait and is a protective reaction to a potential threat. Be aware of how body styles might influence you!
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Topic - When should the umbilical cord be clamped?
A century ago, doctors clamped baby’s umbilical cord immediately after birth to prevent jaundice and to reduce the chances of mother having uncontrolled bleeding. But now, science supports a different approach. Delaying the clamping of the cord for a few minutes after birth gives infants a small transfusion of their own blood which is helpful in terms of improving the iron content. It’s known that cutting the cord within 10 seconds of delivery is related to iron deficiency in babies which is associated with poor behavior, motor skills and intellectual development in boys. Studies proved that, at age 4, boys whose cords were clamped later, showed higher scores on social and personal care skills as well as fine-motor development than other boys. The benefits of the delay are clear.
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Topic - Poor sleep makes you asocial and lonely
Let me ask you, “Do you feel lonely, maybe a little anti-social?” Want to keep feeling that way? No? Then, get some sleep! When you’re sleep-deprived, you don’t want to be around other people and that attitude is contagious resulting in other people wanting to avoid you! You actually generate an alienating energy when you need sleep. Brain scans show that when you’re tired, you overreact to people being in your space a lot earlier than if you had more sleep. You’re not friendly, inviting, or approachable. How do you fix this? You don’t have to go to therapy, you don’t have to exercise, you just have to get in bed. Just 9 hours of sleep in one night will help you to be more social! Turn off your digital devices! Get some sleep, and get out there and mingle!
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Topic - It’s dangerous to keep secrets
We all have secrets. Even though they’re “just thoughts”, they weigh a ton and how much they burden you depends on the kind of secret it is. If it’s shameful, it weighs more than guilty ones. If the secret will hurt or upset other people if revealed, it’s more serious and will weigh heavily. Dark secrets cause guilt and shame which are self-conscious emotions. If you’re hiding because of unhappiness, trauma, illness, mental health problems, you’ll feel shame. If you have a secret that would break trust with someone else or because of a lie, you’ll feel guilt. The negative emotions caused by these feelings can be put to good use. Let them propel you to make changes in your life. Shed your shame, jettison your guilt. Move toward an improved version of yourself. If you need help to do this, get it. Your secrets will eventually be exposed and there will be consequences.
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Topic - Snuggling baby affects his DNA
Hugging and cuddling cause oxytocin, nature’s love drug, to release and it makes you feel good. When you snuggled baby Scott during his early life, it had a profound and lasting effect on his biology. Your warmth and touch actually improved his health and increased his growth. Many areas of development are impacted by cuddling including the immune and growth systems. Babies who are cuddled develop more rapidly and competently. Difficult to understand? Scientists learned that animals who lick their young help them to grow and be calm. Animal babies who aren’t licked are underdeveloped and hyperactive. Cuddle your baby; make them feel loved; help them to grow. You can’t spoil a baby who is younger than 6 months no matter what others say.
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Topic - Maintaining motivation
You’ve got all kinds of motivation as you start a project, but then, you slog down as you work through it and as you reach the finish line, you gear up again. What’s going on with that? In the early stages of a task, your drive comes from ambition, hope and positive thoughts known as “promotional motivation”. Then, as you’re slogging along, you experience “preventional motivation” which is the switch from imagining a positive outcome to avoiding a negative one. The fear factor. Finally, as you reach the goal, feelings of relief set in and you’re able to complete it. We’re great at starting goals, but not at completing them. Consider the kinds of motivation you’ll experience and prepare to deal with them. A task analysis approach might help. Break the job down in small parts, set reasonable time lines and refine as you move along. It’s so satisfying!
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Topic - The reason for being bullied makes a difference
Being bullied is bad enough, but when your child is bullied for specific social reasons, it’s more harmful than general bullying. General bullying is when a child is targeted because of learning problems, poor school performance, the way they dress or because they’re new to the school. Bias-bullying focuses on race, gender, ethnicity, religion, disability or sexual orientation. Biased bullying is very resistant to intervention and causes lifelong psychological and academic problems. Kids terrorized in this way avoid school which puts them in even more jeopardy. School safety steps help to lessen the damage done to kids who are victims. Teacher, family, peer and community support don’t help. Adults, don’t be bystanders. Speak up. Be part of the solution.
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Topic - Today’s fathers engage with kids much more
Today’s fathers are more engaged than ever with their kids. Dads are spending more time with them, providing more direct care to them and are showing up for their activities more, a lot more. Why? Society has finally given them permission to balance work and family and to claim a more active role. Perhaps there’s a bit of worry among Dads that their boys are getting a bad break. More Dads are connecting with their kids throughout the week, showing them greater levels of affection and actively teaching them about being emotionally aware. Fathers are seeing themselves as more than just breadwinners, but as true mentors. Dads are reaping the rewards, too, as their older children are coming back to them for emotional support and guidance. A two-way street that benefits generations. Being masculine doesn’t necessarily mean toxic. The positive benefits are loyalty and leadership. Dads are making sure this happens for their children.
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Topic - Prevent depression with an hour a week
A very extensive study of depression revealed that this misery could have been prevented with only an hour of exercise a week. For decades, it’s been known that even a little exercise can reduce the symptoms, but now we know that depression can be prevented! Scientists say they don’t know why one hour is the magic number, but it is! Maybe it’s because the mental health benefits are realized within the first hour of activity. What happened to the people who participated in the study who didn’t exercise at all? They showed a 44% increase in depression over those who exercised just an hour or two. If you have a family history of depression, you might want to start thinking about a basic, one hour a week exercise regimen. Remember that an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure!
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Topic - One word at a time
We’re now realizing that learning to read is like a fingerprint. Every kid does it differently. Research about how to teach reading is exploding because illiteracy is related to crime and causes significant human misery. Learning the names of letters and mastering the sounds that letters make are critical, but where do you go from there when introducing reading to your toddler? Vocabulary. Without vocabulary, reading has no meaning. How do you teach vocabulary to a toddler? Begin building vocabulary using books with one large picture on each page and say the word. Children don’t look at the written word until they’re actually ready to read, so don’t bother yet with words. Got lots of books with a few pictures on each page? Cut a “window” out of poster board and show one picture at a time. Baby’s vocabulary will soar!
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Topic - Babies at greater risk of flu because of them
If your baby has an older brother or sister, they’re twice as likely as only children to be hospitalized due to the flu. If they have more than one sibling, they’re 3 times more likely to end up in the hospital. Babies born between July and December are extremely young at the onset of the flu season and this timing leaves them unprotected against disease. Pregnant mothers should consult with their doctor about getting the flu shot to give their babies at least some protection. Because children are “effective spreaders” of respiratory infections and can pass viruses off to the vulnerable baby, it’s imperative that siblings get a flu shot every year because vaccinations aren’t available to children younger than six months. Babies and young children develop lung infections quickly, leading to high fevers and seizures. Be prepared!
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Topic - Common sense online protection for your kids
When I talked with a digital security expert about keeping kids safe online, he indicated that it’s about consistency and keeping up with technology. Parents need to stop browsing for the latest gossip and learn as much as they can about how kids get around your best intentions in order to access online content. The predators work hard to find ways to engage and record your kids. He shared that most parents have no idea how to monitor devices remotely. They need to be consistent in tracking all correspondence from Skype to direct messaging or WeChat. Parents need to stop showing the world photos of their kids and talking about them. Parents should maintain very strong privacy settings. Screen time should be limited and parents need to have passwords and access to all accounts on all devices. If a predator gets to your kid, it’s because you didn’t know how to prevent it.
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Topic - Osteopenia on the rise in men
You men don’t think you can develop weak bones because it’s a girl thing, but osteopenia is on the rise in you guys ages 35 to 50. In fact, more middle-aged men have osteopenia than women at this point. What’s osteopenia? It’s a low level of bone minerals and it can lead to osteoporosis which is dangerous because of the risk of fracture. Osteoporosis makes bones thinner causing stooped posture, pain, and problems with moving around. Osteoporosis runs in families, but lifestyles such as smoking, drinking, poor diet, being overweight and inactivity, as well as taking certain medications, including steroids, have an impact. Low testosterone is also a risk factor. Talk with your doctor. Get a bone density study which is painless and fast. Get in front of this condition so that you can enjoy your life!
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Topic - If he’s handsome, you’re worried
For decades, it was thought that marriages were likely to be successful when the wife was more attractive than the husband. For years, no one seemed to be interested in what went on if the man was more attractive. Recent studies indicate that having an attractive husband may have negative consequences for women including eating disorders and compulsive exercising. We now know that women with handsome husbands become so conscious of their perceived flaws that they take drastic measures to improve their appearance. But, the men don’t diet or exercise to please their wives. Be aware that these feelings about how you look just might be a reaction to your husband’s appearance. Check your motivations before going under the knife, taking on an extreme diet or compulsively exercising. If you’re doing it for your health or sense of well-being, then have at it. The motivations have to be your own.
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Topic - Preschool attendance can predict 3rd grade reading skills
Preschool attendance can predict your child’s reading competence in the 3rd grade. Third grade is where kids stop learning the basics and start using their skills. They’re no longer learning to read; they’re reading to learn. If kids don’t attend preschool regularly, they don’t learn the hidden curriculum of school. They don’t learn how to get up, dress up and show up for their “job”. They don’t learn how to stand in line, share resources and work together with the teacher. If they have absences during the first month of any grade, that predicts their attendance for the school year. Over 7 million US students miss nearly a month of school each year. By 6th grade, chronic school absence predicts if your child will drop out in high school. If your child has to be absent, the district must provide a teacher to keep them from falling behind. Make sure they get to school, on time and prepared to learn every single day.
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Topic - The older folks are getting busy
What is going on here? Nowadays, the younger generation is more faithful to their spouses than their grandparents are. Twenty percent of Americans 55 and older have had an extramarital affair. And, the trend is that those in their 50s and 60s are looking for relationships outside of their marriages. It’s thought that Baby Boomers, who are now in their 50’s and 60’s, came of age during the sexual revolution and because sexual norms were shattered, they’ve carried new norms into their golden years. Most Americans still disapprove of extramarital relationships, but even that is changing. There’s a growing acceptance of these kinds of arrangements and yes, the Boomers are leading the way. Perhaps this trend is responsible for the explosion of sexually transmitted infections in the aging population. Ah, the unintended consequences of flower power.
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Topic - Reduce your cancer risks by sticking to your resolutions
Sticking to your healthy New Year’s resolutions is a great way of avoiding a cancer diagnosis. If you adopt 5 of the lifestyle habits known to reduce cancer, you’ll drop your overall risk by a whopping 33 percent! And, for each one you tackle and achieve, your risk of coming down with cancer drops by 8 percent. Here are the 5 habits: eating healthy, not smoking, exercise regularly, limit alcohol and maintain a normal body mass index. Progress is consistent and lasting if you take small steps, so choose one of these and go for it. As for eating healthy, observe your diet and drop the fast food habit. Don’t start running marathons, just take a brisk walk most days. See your doctor about reducing the nicotine habit. Have fewer adult beverages each week. If you do these things, chances are, you’re on your way to that healthy BMI and a cancer-free life.
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Topic - The peanut patch for allergies
Peanut allergies make life very scary. More kids are being diagnosed with this response to nuts and their reactions are more severe than ever. Two million Americans have peanut allergies. In order to stop this trend, a wearable skin patch has been developed for kids ages 4 to 11 who have the allergy. The patch “trains the skin’s immune system to tolerate small amounts of peanuts”, rather like the “immunization approach” of feeding babies tiny portions now recommended by the American Academy of Pediatrics. About 80% of kids who used the patch for a year had a mild reaction. Most of the kids were able to eat 10 times the amount of peanut protein after the patch treatment than they were before it. It’s a treatment to prevent accidental exposure and not a license for you to eat a handful of peanut butter cups. It’s progress. Ask your pediatrician if your child is a candidate for the peanut patch.
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Topic - Kids who talk back to parents end up as successful adults
Do your kids talk back to you? Onlookers may see a child who’s rebellious and headed for no good, but quite the opposite is likely to be true. Although it’s much easier to mow a kid down to the point where they’re compliant, they’ll end up following all kinds of people into all kinds of trouble. They’ll never learn to think for themselves. Kids who negotiate with parents turn out to be more successful adults. Aggression and verbal abuse are never tolerated, but there is room for teaching. Kids’ personalities develop when they interact with you. Explaining the reasons “why” things are done the way they are and “why” it’s healthy and helpful to do things “this way” and not “that way” develops critical thinking. They understand the world and become more curious. Stop, observe, calm down and ask yourself, “How can I use this situation so that she learns something”. Giving her some control may actually lead to greater compliance.
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Topic - Wash your sheets!
We can do better than this! Are you the average American who waits a whopping 24 days before washing your sheets? Wait! It gets worse. We don’t consider our sheets to be gross until about 35 days have gone by since hitting the laundry. You’d expect there to be a difference between the genders and you’d be right. On average, women wash their sheets every 19 days while men wait 30 days. Married couples are cleaner. They wash their linens every 37 days. And single men? Well, they wait for about 45 days to wash their bedding or when a lady friend comes to visit, whichever comes first! Speaking of getting busy. Women do the laundry 4 days after and men, they wait for nearly 12 days. Yuck. Considering that we sweat 26 gallons’ worth every year and shed 10 grams of skin every day, we need to up our game.
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Topic - Is it half-full or half-empty?
It’s true. If you see a glass as being half-full instead of half-empty, you’re an optimist. Not only are you a positive person, but you’re more competitive, patient and assertive than the half-empty crowd. The optimistic folks are also more likely to be extroverted, playful and practical. They have 11 “better than average” days a month. When they fall, they bounce back because they usually find a silver lining. Now, those half-empty folks have some positive features, too. They’re more laid-back and introverted, but they’re also more rebellious than the average person. Pessimists are more serious and sentimental than the optimists. They have 9 “better than average” days a month. They don’t think of themselves as pessimists. They think they’re optimistic. Want to see the glass as half-full? Focus on having more positive thoughts daily. You get good at what you practice.
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Topic - How do you know you’re in love?
Some people were absolutely certain they were in love the moment they laid eyes on each other. For others, love started out as friendship and for many, love needed time to take root. If you’re not thunderstruck, how do you know if you’re in love? There are a few hallmarks. The first is that it’s not a choice. You can’t walk away when things are tough. Being in love means that, above all, you want them to have a balanced and satisfying life, even if they aren’t around you all the time. The experience of being in love feels like a steady stream of joy without the wild ride. It’s more about how you make them feel than how they make you feel. It’s always about partnership and never about ownership. Being in love should be effortless. Staying connected and keeping that spark alive shouldn’t be work. It just comes naturally. Does your relationship pass the test? If not, think again.
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Topic - Junk food and osteoarthritis
Got junk food in your kitchen? Got achy joints and osteoarthritis? That junk food is making your joints hurt more. Dump it! Cartilage deteriorates faster, especially in the hips and knees, when you have a high-fat, high carbohydrate diet. Osteoarthritis is a degenerative joint condition and isn’t as much related to wear and tear as it is to diet. Fatty acid deposits in the cartilage change its metabolism, weaken it and make it prone to damage. Then, you’ve got pain. Even the bones themselves underneath the cartilage are changed by a diet high in saturated fats. The anti-inflammatory diet is best for rheumatoid arthritis, which is an autoimmune disorder. If you have osteoarthritis, alter your diet to reduce your risk. Begin with small changes as they lead to the most lasting progress. Eat better, feel better!
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Topic - The impact of yoga on your genes
We think of yoga as making us feel healthy, but it’s also good for our genes. Yoga and meditation, called mind-body interventions, can reverse the behavior of DNA that contributes to stress, depression and anxiety by changing how our bodies produce certain proteins. The way that the brain and nervous system operate is also positively impacted by yoga and meditation. Under stressful conditions, mind-body interventions reduce adrenaline which allows us to problem solve instead of reacting. Adrenaline increases the risk of cancer, anxiety, depression and ages our brains and bodies. You can’t always use yoga to relax at work, but you can sit at your desk and meditate. There are many ways to reduce the burden of stress on our minds and bodies. Decide on one or two strategies and consistently practice them to see the results.
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Topic - Should your kids fear you?
Is it okay for your child to fear you? It depends. If it’s a fear borne out of a healthy respect, yes. Like love, fear comes in different forms. You can love your wife and your sister, but in different ways. Both kinds of relationships bring meaning to life. A father might be feared because he’s strong and can provide protection. Without this safety, a child might be vulnerable to terrifying forces beyond his control. Because fathers are powerful, with deep voices and a commanding presence, children may be fearful of them and rightly so. It’s smart to respect those things that could hurt you. If a father treats his children with love and wields his power in nurturing ways, they learn that fear and respect are connected. As they mature, they understand that when they were young, they feared Dad and then, grew to respect him. This insight will support them as parents. They’ll have the courage to be both fierce and loving.
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Topic - Woman and mild sleep problems equals big trouble
We girls really have nothing better to do. Oh sure, let’s just take a nap …Not. Between work, family and life in general, there’s too much to do and not enough time. Now, we’re learning that even mild sleep problems may lead to higher blood pressure. You know about high blood pressure, right? It’s the silent killer that causes stroke and kidney damage all the while you’re thinking that every little thing is fine. We women are at greater risk of sleep issues and we suffer from chronic insomnia twice as often as men. We have trouble falling asleep and staying asleep. If men have these problems, they don’t suffer from higher blood pressure the way we do. And, get this. Even if you sleep for 7 to 9 hours a night and still have difficulty falling and staying asleep, you’re still going to have higher blood pressure. Take this stuff seriously. Get a blood pressure cuff for home use and monitor it. Go to bed!
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Topic - Who gets custody of the dog?
States are now creating guidelines for judges because “fur parents” are frequently suing for custody of the family dog. For years, pets were treated no differently from furniture, houses or cars. But all of that has changed. Judges are deciding. It’s recommended that judges ask questions about who is most attached to the pet, who has more time to spend with it and the role that the pet plays in the lives of the children. Essentially, judges should consider the well-being of the pet and think of them as family members instead of property. Typically, most couples come to a decision outside of the courtroom, but when the situation involves a two-income couple with no children, the judge ends up being the one to decide. Several affluent British couples ended up in court over the cost of caring for horses with very pricey outcomes on behalf of the wives who own them. Bet those husbands didn’t count on that when they said, “I do”.
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Topic - Childhood vaccines all in one
It’s a one-shot solution. Researchers are testing technology that stores vaccines in microscopic capsules that release the initial dose and the boosters at specific times. The legendary MIT described the micro-particles as looking like miniature coffee cups that are filled with vaccine and sealed with a lid. The cups have been designed in such a way so that they break down and spill their contents at the designated time. So far, the technology has been successful with mice which is the first step before testing in humans. Not only will this micro-particle approach be a welcome relief to parents, but it has significant implications for developing countries, many of which are the birth places of some of the most deadly diseases in modern history such as the ebola virus. We LOVE science!!
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Topic - Woodpeckers and concussions. A connection?
How do woodpeckers pound their beaks into trees without knocking their brains out? After all, they peck with the force of 1200 gs! What can we learn from them that will prevent concussion? One factor is that woodpeckers have long tongues that wrap around their head and pinch their jugular vein increasing blood volume in the skull resulting in a cushioning effect. Football helmets are being created to mimic this dynamic. The result? The Q collar. It gently clamps down on the jugular vein and puts a kink in the hose which increases the brain’s blood volume leaving less room for the brain to bang around. My concern is this. What happens if a player has an unknown weakness in a blood vessel? Could this additional pressure, slight as it might be, trigger a stroke during a hard tackle? Q-collar creators say it’s the same increase in blood as when we lie down, so there’s no danger. Do you want your player to wear one?
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Topic - 60 bad days
60. The average American says they have 60 bad days every year, and most of them had something to do with work. However, a lack of sleep was the biggest source of misery for most of them. Poor health, money problems, cancelled plans, and feeling disheveled or dirty, especially having bad hair, were ingredients for a rotten day. Despite being crazy about sports, even when our team loses, it doesn’t wreck us. If we’re having a tough time, we’ll eat unhealthy food and drink alcohol. Having a bad day? Exercise, even if it’s a brief walk, it’s the best cure. Being active improves your mental outlook and you’ll feel better, too. Why? Because endorphins are released. They’re the body’s natural happy chemicals. You can’t escape bad days, so have a plan. Exercise, eat healthy foods and don’t booze it up. You’ll get through it.
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Topic - Cold parenting and premature aging
The Big Bang Theory’s character, Leonard, was always angry with his demeaning and unaffectionate mother, a noted parenting expert. He created a machine to hug him and even his father borrowed it. Funny, but it’s no joke. A cold parenting style is linked to premature aging and an increased risk for diseases. The protective caps on the ends of DNA strands, called telomeres, are the biological markers of aging. Childhood stress shortens the telomeres. Now, it’s proven that unsupportive mothers cause them to shrink by a whopping 25%. As each cell divides, the telomeres get shorter escalating aging resulting in premature death. Mothers are important. When the two of you are deciding on marriage and children and she says she doesn’t think so, don’t try to talk her into it. She knows something about herself. Consider the consequences for your kids.
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Topic - Don’t leave your family in chaos during a tough time
Aretha Franklin, Howard Hughes and the singer, Prince, all did it. Actually, they didn’t do it. They died without a will and left their families and estates in chaos. If you don’t have a will, your state’s laws determine who gets everything. You don’t have to spend a fortune to get your final documents prepared. Online sites such as freewill.com allow you to create your will free of charge. Make sure you learn about your state’s special laws to avoid any conflicts. Include details about your funeral to get the send-off you want. Check with your executor to make sure they want the job. And, you can’t leave insurance and retirement assets using a will. You must designate your loved ones as beneficiaries. Take the time to create your will and other final documents. In this digital age, it just couldn’t be easier.
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Topic - Handedness and mental health treatment
Are you planning to have any kind of electrical stimulation brain treatment for anxiety or depression? Make sure your therapist knows if you’re left handed or your symptoms could get worse. Previously, it was thought that the left hemisphere of the brain housed happiness, pride and anger. The right side of the brain was thought to be the home to emotions such as disgust and fear. But in left-handed people these centers are reversed. If left-handed people are given the standard treatment of zapping the left hemisphere, they’ll have more intense negative emotions. They need the “opposite treatment”. Their right hemisphere houses positive emotions, and that’s the region that needs to be stimulated. Know before you go!
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Topic - Smoking pot 2500 years ago
Archaeologists found remnants of burned cannabis in wooden incense burners at human burial sites in a 2500 year old cemetery in China. Scientists know that the Chinese grew cannabis as long as 3500 years ago, but as a crop and not for its psychoactive properties. They didn’t grow it to get high. It’s likely that the plants with strong THC, the mind altering element, were cultivated to be used in rituals. Where did that cannabis come from? The plants with the most intense levels of THC were at an altitude of 9000 feet where environmental stressors caused them to have more of the psychoactive substance. Then, the Chinese may have bred them to create more plants to be used for the ritual events. Rocky Mountain high, indeed.
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Topic - Sunburn tattoos
As far as teen challenges go, this one isn’t as scary, but there are consequences. Kids are getting “sunburn tattoos”. Basically, kids put stencils of images on their skin and then, they get a sunburn. When the stencil is pulled off, the image is much lighter than the surrounding skin. So, what’s the problem? For every sunburn you get, especially one that causes blisters, the chances of coming down with skin cancer is increased dramatically. Kids don’t pay attention and teenagers don’t care. We can wrestle our little ones down and slather them with sunscreen, but teenagers, they think they’ll live forever. What do they care about possibly getting cancer at age 40? That’s like a million years away, until it isn’t and they get a deadly diagnosis. Teach them about the dangers of skin cancer using pictures. Give them tons of sunscreen and help them practice using it. It’s all you can do.
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Topic - Are you sick?
The skills that are necessary for us to survive are passed down in our genes like an insurance policy. Cavemen had skills that are still working to protect you. For example, the sense of smell, critical to survival, continues to be wired directly into the brain instead of going through our processing system. It tells us when something is rotten. You smell that ground beef in the refrigerator the same way that cavemen smelled a carcass in the forest. They also needed to smell fire as early as possible to get out of its way. Now, scientists have found that signs of illness such as pale lips, droopy eyelids and a downturned mouth are observed only hours after an infection begins. We humans are trained to notice those signs in order to avoid the disease. Even a slight glance sends a warning signal of “stay away” to the brain. Listen to those warnings.
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Topic - Is this going to last?
Your new relationship is toodling right along and then, bam! You’ve been dumped. Didn’t see that coming, did ya’? You’re in good company. At the beginning of a relationship, you can’t tell if it’s the real deal or doomed from the start. From the moment you meet the person face-to-face and before you become sexually intimate, you start asking yourself, “Where is this going?” “How much do I like this person?” It’s around that time where the short-term and the long-term relationships start down different paths. The timeline for this “go-no go” decision is typically weeks or months. Now that you know when this decision is made, you’ll be able to adjust your conduct accordingly. If you jump “all in”, your partner may not be at the same place as you are and the timing may cause a premature break-up and unnecessary heart break.
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Topic - The impact of “work creep”
Do you know about “work creep”? No, it’s not some weirdo at the office, but it has a serious impact on your everyday life…every day. “Work creep” is the name for the non-stop, ever-present stress caused by responsibilities at work that creep into your life. For many of us, work never stops. As a result, hospital admissions for work-induced stress and anxiety have risen by more than 25% in just ten years. Half of all work-related illnesses were caused by stress and anxiety. Smartphones cause white collar employees to work many more hours outside the regular work day…a lot more hours. You can always be reached for the smallest issues at work. You’re tethered to work 24-7-365. And we’re feeling it. We don’t have permission to switch off. Do what you can to create strong boundaries between work and life.
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Topic - News in the fight against cancer
The big C. Cancer. It’s one of the most fearful diagnoses given. With trillions of dollars spent fighting and researching it, we don’t feel any closer to preventing or treating it. Except, scientists have made an important discovery which could be the breakthrough they’ve been looking for. They’ve found a special cell they call “the cell of origin” which is thought to trigger every single type of cancer known to mankind. This cell of origin allows the disease to spread or metastasize, another terrifying word. The cell of origin seems to be in a zombie state and suddenly, it springs back to life and runs amok, spreading disease to distant parts of the body. This research has serious implications for treatment with chemotherapy since it may make these cells of origin multiply faster. More people than ever are winning against cancer. Every puzzle piece we can find helps in the effort.
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Topic - Out of sight, out of mind
Cell phones are seductive. In the classroom, if a cell phone is in the backpack or back pocket, it can be distracting. If it’s out in the car, it isn’t. If it’s within reach, students perform more poorly on tests by a half a grade than those students whose phones were out of reach. Yes, the mere presence of cell phones can be detrimental. What’s going on? The problem here is with “divided attention”, or paying attention to two things at once, sometimes known as the “fear of missing out”. In the academic setting, precision is important and listening to complex verbal information requires attention, language processing, sequencing and memory, full engagement is required. If you know you can’t get to your phone, you surrender, knowing that it’s out of your control, so you stop paying attention to it. Truly out of sight, out of mind.
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Topic - Boo-boo bias
A girl falls off her bike. Her brother falls off his bike. When parents come running, whose pain do they take more seriously, the boy’s or the girl’s? Well, studies tell us that adults don’t take girls’ pain seriously because we are more emotional than boys. Adults see boys as being more stoic, so if they complain, they must really be hurting. Why is this kind of research important? Biases against girls may come into play when they’re being diagnosed or treated. Often, pain is an indicator of the seriousness of a medical condition. If a girl reports a high level of pain and the medical staff discounts it, a life-threatening disease may go undetected. Think about the pain management of girls. If medical staff believe that girls are emotionally reacting to pain and aren’t in distress, then their pain may not be effectively treated, leading to complications. Don’t minimize their pain or make them feel bad for telling you the truth.
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Topic - The CDC says, “Stop washing your chicken!”
The CDC recommends we stop washing chicken before we cook it. Why? Apparently, they don’t trust us. Chicken has very dangerous bacteria, but I’m not going to stop washing it with cold water and salt to get the goo off. I create a “theater” first. I push everything away. I put the chicken in the sink, carefully wrap up, and throw away the container. I keep the chicken low in the sink, wrap the salt box, pick it up and dump it on. I run a calm stream of water from the faucet, wrap the meat in paper towels and move it to the pot. Then, I begin the haz-mat clean-up with a spray bottle of 50/50 bleach and water. I blast the area. I spray it on my hands. If you don’t want to put in the time, then throw the chicken in the pot. If you’re careless, washing it or not, you’re gonna get sick. Just sayin’…
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Topic - Turning negative Nancy into positive Patty
I’ve said it a zillion times, you get good at what you practice. Can positive practice help those with a miserable outlook? Yes! By acknowledging brief moments of positivity, negative folks can start to build buffers against stress and depression and feel all the better for it! You can’t be Mary Poppins every second because “downers” have their place in the normal course of life, but viewing the glass as being half-empty all the time is damaging to both mental and physical health. It cripples the ability to bounce back from life’s bumps. Negative thoughts activate the amygdala which is the brain’s region that processes emotions, including fear and anxiety. Triggering the amygdala can be reduced by practicing positive emotions. The brain can be re-trained. Learning something new, achieving reasonable goals and doing something for others helps to foster positivity.
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Topic - Dog Scouts of America
Dog Scouts of America. Have you heard about this organization? This is a nonprofit group founded in 1995. It grew from a single summer camp to a national organization with troops in 20 states, offering several overnight camps. The concept of “scouts” came from traditional scouting programs. Dog Scouts’ mission is to promote the human-canine bond through positive training and fun methods. Dogs can master new skills, earn merit badges and participate in outdoor activities. Because 56% of American dogs are overweight or even obese, the activities help our fur friends to stay in shape. The Dog Scouts offer K9 training programs and even DOGa which is dog yoga! Dog owners learn first aid skills in order to manage emergencies. Most dogs end up in shelters because of behavioral problems, training can help them stay at home with their families.
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Topic - HPV vaccine is now for the older generation
We’ve seen the terrifying increase in oral cancers in men due to the human papilloma virus, or HPV. It was great news in 2006 when the Gardasil vaccine for teens was released. But now that men and women are being diagnosed with rectal, oral and cervical cancers, the FDA has approved Gardasil 9 for the age group between 27 and 45. The FDA is strongly recommending that people in this age group talk with their doctors about getting the series of 3 shots that will protect them against 9 types of HPV. Still, the best time to get the Gardasil shot is before kids turn 13 or become sexually active. The FDA is looking into the effectiveness of the vaccine for those older than 45 because of the rise of sexually-transmitted diseases in that population. Get the vaccine. Control the controllable.
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Topic - Sleep-deprived drivers and accidents
It’s estimated that 7% of all car crashes and 16% of the fatal crashes in the US are related to driver drowsiness. One-third of adults typically sleep less than 7 hours a night. In general, adults need between 7 and 9 hours of sleep nightly. If you get less than 4 hours, you’re 15 times more likely to cause a crash than someone who slept for 7 hours. If you sleep for less than 4 hours, you’re very much like a drunk driver with a blood-alcohol level 1 and a half times the legal limit. Being awake is not the same as being alert. Falling asleep at the wheel isn’t the only problem. Mistakes, not noticing and misjudging can have tragic consequences. Don’t drive drowsy and don’t drive drunk. Get some sleep; arrive alive. And, while you’re at it, don’t smoke pot and drive, either.
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Topic - Overweight kids have heart disease in their 20’s
Is your child overweight? Think it’s not a problem? It might not be right now, but a high body mass index during childhood, meaning birth through 11 years of age, puts your child at an increased risk for high blood pressure as well as two predictors of heart disease. These two predictors include a larger left ventricle and greater volume of blood. When will these show up? They’ll show up just when the party is getting started, from 20 to 40 years of age. They’re in college, getting married, starting families and building their careers and futures. Next thing you know, they’re seeing a cardiologist. And why? Because you didn’t address their weight gain. And, if you smoked around them or while you were pregnant, you’ve set them up for aFib which causes strokes and heart attacks. Do something while you’re still in charge of their diet and activities. You can’t live with the consequences.
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Topic - Is this normal? Memory problems are a problem.
Are you over 45 and have some memory loss or confusion? You’re not alone. In fact, about 12% of Americans 45 and older report problems with memory and being confused, at times. This isn’t just something to dismiss because you’re getting older. This is not a part of the aging process and could be the beginnings of Alzheimer’s or other forms of dementia. It’s critical to speak with your doctor about it and it’s just plain smart to make observations of yourself to help your doctor make an informed diagnosis. As with any other condition, the earliest possible intervention leads to the best outcome. There are effective medications now that slow the progression of the disease, so do it. Our brains aren’t supposed to fall off a cliff as we age. Oh sure, speed of processing information slows which makes us bad drivers and memory for recently learned information stalls a bit, but that’s about it. Get checked out.
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Topic - 2 Reasons Not To Leave Bottled Water In Your Car
Bottled water. It’s everywhere and while we should be drinking more water than we do, it’s those plastic bottles that worry us. The thinking is that both very hot and very cold weather creates problems for the bottles. Scientists are still arguing if high heat or extreme cold causes the release, or leaching, of unhealthy chemicals. But, when it’s super hot outside and the water has been left in the car for weeks, there are leaching risks. Besides, it tastes terrible. Dump it out! There’s another risk. Fire. A worker in Idaho was eating his lunch in his car on a hot day and noticed smoke in the front seat. The sunlight was being refracted through a water bottle just right and the seat began to catch on fire. He replicated the situation and found that the temperature next to the bottle was 213 degrees. Play it safe. Don’t leave plastic water bottles in your car no matter the weather.
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Topic - Tattoos Make You Sweat Less
You never thought about this, did you? Researchers have discovered that tattooed skin produces about half the amount of sweat as does clear skin. This dynamic may be related to the salt content of the tattooed skin which is about double that of non-tattooed areas. The results of this research may have health implications for soldiers, firefighters, construction workers or marathon runners in very hot climates as they may not be able to sweat properly. Heat exhaustion and heat stroke become a danger. Ask your physician about staying well hydrated during strenuous activities in hot weather if you have a significant amount of ink. Does your son or daughter want a tattoo? Make sure you talk with them about the size of the design and how it may negatively impact their health. It’s an unexpected and hidden danger.
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Topic - Is She A High Functioning Alcoholic?
Her life looks great; everything is in order. But, she’s a high-functioning alcoholic. How do they behave? They drink instead of eating a meal. They’re irritable, impatient and thoughtless if they realize they won’t be able to get liquor. They plan their lives around when they can get the next drink. Do they make excuses to go shopping and come home with a bottle? Do they seem to be unaffected by alcohol even if they drink a ton? Can they still hold a conversation and not stumble? What about hangovers? No price to pay for drinking excessively? Alcohol dependency may not be obvious to that person and may even escape your notice. But do notice. Sit down with your loved one and have a supportive conversation. They will likely resist, but keep at it. Go with them to an AA meeting. Recovery starts with acknowledging the problem.
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Topic - Sleeping With Teddy
You wouldn’t admit it if you did, would you? A whopping 40% of adults still sleep with a teddy bear at night. More than half of adult Americans own stuffed animals, so it’s no surprise that a teddy would end up in bed with them. Amazingly, nearly 60% of adults have held onto their favorite stuffed friend for at least 20 years and they want to hold onto them forever. What’s behind this? Adults feel that their stuffed animal brings them comfort because it reminds them of people they love or a beloved pet. Children use stuffed animals as “transition objects” that help them cope with separation. Again, it reminds them of a loved one. As kids become more independent, they yearn for a secure bond to something they can control and take with them. I find it interesting, but not unusual, that these needs persist from childhood to adulthood. In many ways, adults really are “just big kids”.
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Topic - The Rules Of The Royal Family
The British royal family is first and foremost a family. They squabble, they collude, they fight back against their elders. They’re royal after all and have rules. They don’t vote. When the Queen stands, so does everybody else. Same with eating, when the Queen is done, so are you. And just like the McCulloch family, Monopoly isn’t allowed. The royals, like us, are way too competitive. After the Great McCulloch Monopoly Meltdown of 1996, we gave away the game. Unlike our family, the royals, all of them, must bow or curtsy when greeting the queen. When they marry, they take on new names, so do most of us women! They don’t eat shellfish when dining out and garlic isn’t allowed at Buckingham Palace. Married women wear tiaras for formal events and in our home, I wear mine only on my birthday and Mother’s Day. See? Every family has common traditions.
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Topic - Opioid Abuse In Veterinarian’s Offices
The opioid epidemic has spread to veterinarian’s offices. People who abuse opioids are now hurting their pets in order to get drugs for themselves. While veterinarians don’t dispense the most widely abused drugs such as Vicodin, OxyContin or Percocet, they do administer ketamine and hydrocodone for dogs with whooping cough and benzodiazepines for anxiety and insomnia. Animals have faster metabolisms and higher doses are required. Several states have passed laws that require veterinarians to check the prescription histories of pet owners before giving an opioid prescription. Vets aren’t qualified to investigate and they’re balking at making those decisions! Pet owners are resorting to drastic measures to get drugs including teaching their dogs to cough on cue. If they want it, they’ll stop at nothing to get it.
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Topic - Shot Or Stabbed? Don’t Wait For The Ambulance.
Someone you love has been attacked. They’ve been shot or stabbed. Do you wait for the ambulance or do you make a run for it and put them in your car and drive? Johns Hopkins did a study that showed significantly higher survival rates for victims of gunshots or stabbings who were taken to a trauma center in a car rather than wait for an ambulance. Time is of the essence in these situations and it might be better to get to a trauma center by any means possible. Obviously, there are many factors in a person’s ability to survive such trauma and one of those factors includes making certain that the hospital you’re going to has the proper facilities. What does this mean for you? It means that you should know the capabilities of the hospitals in your community. Which one has a trauma emergency room and which one has a certified pediatric er. It could make a big difference in saving someone you love.
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Topic - Technology Is Just Too Much
Wave after wave of research about how technology impacts our lives keeps rolling out and the results aren’t great. There’s no doubt that technology makes life easier, but there’s just too much. Too many notifications. Too many people demanding your immediate attention. There’s no escape. Unending digital alerts are driving us crazy. 33% of the notifications you receive can trigger a downturn in your mood. Usually, these are the “housekeeping”-types of notices such as updates and wifi availability. They have the most power to put you in a bad mood. Work-related notifications also have a negative impact, especially if they arrive in bulk. The constant interruptions and competition for your attention are likely to make you irritable and feel out of control. Be careful of the apps you install and the number of notifications they send to you. Control the controllable.
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Topic - Never Say Never
Never say never. I’ve seen it. I’ve been a part of it. Persons with autism do go to college, have successful careers and meaningful lives. Just as with anybody else, their definition of successful and meaningful may be different from yours, but they can overcome autism. Erik Weber is the first student with autism to graduate from Cal Western School of Law. He passed the bar the first time he took it and plans to practice special education law. When Erik was 3, he was diagnosed with severe non-verbal autism. Parents were told to institutionalize him. They would have none of that. Mother took videos of him and used them as a teaching tool. Erik responded positively to visual learning. Mom got involved in a local campaign and took Erik door-to-door with her to teach him about first impressions. It’s hard to know “what will work”. Keep trying.
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Topic - Parents Doing Too Much For Their Teens
Are you still treating your teen like they’re in elementary school? Are you not shifting gears toward making them more self-sufficient and independent? You can’t expect them to learn if you don’t back off and give them a chance to master the skills they’ll need for the rest of their lives. While I can understand making their breakfast, it’s their job to get up in time to eat it. Get a pile of paperwork at the beginning of the school year? It’s their job to complete the items they can. Do you regularly take forgotten materials to school? It’s OK if it’s once or twice a year or if they’re having a really bad time, but don’t make a habit of it. Don’t call or email their teachers or coaches about mundane issues. If there’s a tragedy in the family, sure, contact them, but not about grades or getting enough play time. Teach your kids how to do their own laundry and make basic foods. Everyone needs to know how to scramble an egg.
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Topic - Cracking Your Neck May Cause A Stroke
Recently, a 28-year old man had a sore neck, so he stretched it and heard something “pop”. The left side of his body became numb and he couldn’t walk. He was rushed to the hospital and doctors told him that he tore arteries in his neck that lead to the base of his brain. Because he twisted his neck, he broke arteries that were weak, probably from birth. He was intensive care for 4 days and went to physical therapy to treat numbness and double vision. He improved, but 2 months later, he still wore an eye patch due to damage in a nerve critical to vision. Amazingly, he had two terrifying weeks of violent hiccups that kept him from breathing. The hiccups began because of the location of the stroke. The bottom line? Don’t mess with your neck. If you have stiff muscles, massage gently or see a professional therapist who can get the kinks out.
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Topic - Is It Worth The Risk? Football And Brain Injury
Can we control sports-related brain damage? Is football dying as a result of parents keeping their kids from sports where concussions are common? In 6 years, the number of kids in the California pipeline to play football has dropped by 10,000. Considering there are 93,000 college players in all divisions and the odds are a million to one that your kid will make it onto a Division I football team and after that, a million to one that they’ll make it into the pros, is it worth it to sentence your kid to a grim future? Out of the 202 football players who donated their brains, 177 had CTE, chronic traumatic encephalopathy. 3 of 14 high schoolers and 48 of the 53 college players already had CTE. Think about your kids’ future and make your decision.
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Topic - Being In A Good Mood Boosts A Flu Shot
It’s September. Time for your flu shot. “Oh, I just hate this! ” Well, you better talk yourself out of that negative attitude because new research tells us that having a positive attitude just might boost the effectiveness of your injection. Even if your diet, physical activity and sleep were the same and only your mood was negative in the six weeks leading up to your shot, you’ll have lower immunity against the flu. But, all is not lost. If you’re in good spirits on the day you get the shot, you’ll still have about 15% greater immunity than if you were in a bummer of a mood. Regardless of your feelings before and during the vaccination, getting it reduces the risk of spreading disease to the general population up to 60%. If most people got the shot, there’d be fewer flu related deaths. Get your flu shot before the end of October for the best results.
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Topic - What Do I Say To Someone With Cancer?
You see a friend and realize you haven’t spoken in months. While she’s very happy to see you, she tells you that she’s battling cancer. What do you say to her? You can say that cancer is just awful and it’s scary. Yes, you want to help, so be specific about what you can offer. If you want me to pick up a prescription, I can do that. Can I call you before I go to the grocery store? I cook on the weekends, how about I bring some meals over? Don’t tell her she’s tough. She has no choice. Keep information about “better doctors” or “different treatments” to yourself. Don’t ask about her kind of cancer or prognosis. If you’ve got nothing to say, be quiet. Hold her hand, hug her. Be there. Everyone’s path is different. Even if you’re a survivor, you don’t know. Saying, “I know how you feel” just minimizes her experience. If she could be in your shoes, she would.
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Topic - Today’s Teens Are Falling Behind
Today’s teens are falling behind their counterparts from the 1970’s. When compared to their peers of 30 years ago, they’re drinking alcohol, dating, driving and engaging in sex much later. They’re also not working for pay. Teens are developing more slowly than ever before and the digital age may be responsible. They socialize on line and don’t go out and have face-to-face interactions. They don’t have to drive because rideshare companies are widely available and surely not as expensive as maintaining a car. They’re not pressed to get jobs because parents aren’t requiring them to work and recreational activities are subsidized by good old Mom and Dad. It’s not the case that after school activities or homework are slowing down their developmental progress, either. It is the case that they have options that teens in the 1970’s didn’t have and frankly, couldn’t even dream of.
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Topic - Challenge Proofing Your Kids
Fatal fads, those challenges that circulate online and dare kids to perform and record dangerous activities, escape the attention of parents. Elementary age kids participate in, die from and have life-altering injuries as a result of the Chubby Bunny and Hot Water challenges. Middle and high schoolers die from the Cinnamon Challenge, the Salt and Ice dare, and car surfing. Disfiguring burns have resulted from the Fire Challenge and kids have severely damaged their intestines with the Banana and Sprite dare. How do you protect your children? First, you maintain a close relationship with them by being approachable, receptive and non-judgmental parents. Second, you scan the internet to learn about the latest challenge. Third, you monitor their online habits and fourth, you teach them about each challenge that comes along. Good luck out there!
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Topic - Rapunzel Syndrome
Obsessive behaviors are challenging to overcome. One of the most common is trichotillomania which is compulsive hair pulling. People suffering from trichotillomania pull out their hair regularly, but do it more frequently when they’re stressed. Pulling it out relieves tension and they do it without thinking. There are those people who not only pull out their hair, but they eat it. If it’s long enough, they munch on the end of their hair, breaking off bits and swallowing it. This condition is known as Rapunzel Syndrome a rare intestinal disorder named after the long-haired girl in the fairy tale. Human hair is not digestible and when it collects and forms into hairballs, it can cause perforations in the intestinal wall, leading to death. It’s critical to get treatment when you see this behavior. The first step is to intervene if your child starts putting their long hair into their mouths.
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Topic - Am I A Boy Or A Girl?
There were many times in my practice when I answered the phone and a parent said, “Can I ask you a question?” Sometimes, parents would come in to chat about their concerns. A dad asked me if his young son was gay because he played with girls. As it turns out, the boy was brilliant and his language skills were more consistent with girls and he just didn’t enjoy the physical play of boys. These days, parents are concerned about transgender issues. My advice? Listen to your gut and follow your kid’s lead. If she exhibits mostly male behaviors and interests, let her go. Give her every opportunity to do what she wants. If she’s stressed over it, see a therapist. If she wants to undergo surgery, wait until she’s had a chance to experience life and is sure of her decision. The suicide rate among transgender persons is shockingly high. Our culture now embraces this personal choice, but she needs to be certain that it’s her choice and not media influence.
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Topic - How To Get Back To Work
Detaching from work leads to a clearer mind and results in higher life satisfaction and lower burnout. But, it’s really difficult to get back in the game on Monday, after a 3-day weekend, a holiday or even from day-to-day. Why is it so hard? It’s because we’re not taking steps to “reconnect” with our work life. Face it, most of us have to work. You’ve seen the bumper stick that says, “I owe, I owe, so off to work I go!” We may as well embrace the horror and make it easier on ourselves. Remember, you get good at what you practice. If we actively “reconnect” with work by reviewing our goals, stating that we’re energetic about achieving them, and that we’re excited and interested, we’ll train ourselves to engage and the return to work will be less painful. Reattachment results in more positive interactions, greater satisfaction and stronger feelings of control in your job. Give it a try.
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Topic - The Marijuana-Schizophrenia Connection
A very large genetics study revealed that people with schizophrenia use cannabis more than others. The study focused on how cannabis is being used by people with mental illness. It was learned that 35 different genes are associated with cannabis use and abuse and some of these genes overlap with psychiatric disorders. The study concluded that having schizophrenia leads to self-medication, but there is a reverse cause-and-effect relationship in that cannabis may actually contribute to the onset of the illness. In some people, especially teens, smoking pot can set off a psychotic crisis. If psychotic disorders, especially schizophrenia, are in your family history, educate your kids about the potential dangers associated with smoking pot or other cannabis use. Teach them the warning signs of schizophrenia.
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Topic - The I-Generation And The Death Of Dating
Is your kid a member of the i-generation? If their birthdate fell between 1995 and 2012, they were born, basically, with an iPhone in their hands, hence the name. They’re also known as Gen Z. They’ve grown up interacting through social media and smart phones. As a result, they’re significantly less interested in romance than millennials. They’re not dating and they’re not having sex. Since 1991, sexual activity among 15-year olds has dropped 40%. Their first sexual experience is at 17. The good news is that the teenage birth rate hit an all-time low in 2016 and the homicide rate among teens has decreased. I-generation kids are safer, but tend to be more unstable emotionally leading to the increased suicide rate. Host gatherings at your home to increase social contact.
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Topic - Young Kids, Screen Time And ADHD
Does your 3-year old spend more than an hour in front of screens? What about your 5-year old? Do they spend more than 2 hours there? If so, serious behavioral problems may be in their future. Also, they’re 7 times more likely to have a diagnosis of Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder. Despite knowing this, the average 3 year old spends one and a half hours a day in front of a screen. Science tells us that screen time has a significant impact at age five. The recommended amount of screen time for children under 5 should be 0 to 30 minutes daily. Good quality sleep offers only slight protection against the effects of screen time. Sports, however, have a highly protective effect. The more time kids spent in organized sports, the less likely they were to have behavioral problems.
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Topic - Animal Abusers Will Be Registered In Many States
Laws regarding tracking animal abusers are becoming popular in many states. Animal offender registries are being kept by state officials just like those for sex offenders and pedophiles. Every animal abuser will have their name, date of birth, offenses, conviction and expiration dates on file. Convicted offenders will have to pay a registration fee and supply a photo. Failure to register results in a fine and prison time. There is a strong relationship between animal abuse and domestic violence. Registering those who abuse animals just may end up protecting people. Remarkably, animal abuse laws were used to protect a young girl named Mary Ellen from severe abuse in 1874. Her case gave rise to the New York Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Children, the first child protective agency.
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Topic - Chocolate Snorting
Need a quick energy boost? Try snorting chocolate! A company named Legal Lean created Coco Loko, a cocoa powder that includes gingo biloba, taurine and guarana which are normally found in energy drinks. The euphoric effects of the powder last for about 30 minutes to an hour for the average person. There’s been no research on the effects of this product and the FDA hasn’t approved it, so perhaps a strong cup of coffee is better to boost your attention and motivation. Coffee has more caffeine than Red Bull or Coke. But, Red Bull has taurine which is a naturally occurring stimulant. Coffee has less sugar than Red Bull and is preferred as a morning drink. Red Bull has synthetic vitamins, alpine water and sweetener from sugar beets. Coffee has some nutritional value once sugar and cream are added to it. Ask your doctor about the potential health impacts of any supplements or energy drinks.
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Topic - Negative Listening
Have you watched yourself when you’re listening to someone, especially if you’re having a spirited conversation? Are you really listening or are you just hearing the words and watching their mouth move? If you’re not processing their information and only formulating a response, you’re engaging in negative listening. Negative listening gets us nowhere because we’re stuck in a loop of our own ideas and information. It’s more of a presentation than a discussion. As a result, information isn’t learned and ideas aren’t shared. This information and these ideas just might have changed your mind if you’d actually heard them. Listening is one of the most important skills you need when interacting with your children and your spouse, partner, friends and co-workers. Yep, that’s everybody. Observe yourself and make changes. If you’re not listening, you might be reloading with industrial-strength, damaging words.
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Topic - What You Need To Know About Tattoos
Does your kid want a tattoo or a piercing? A facial reconstructive surgeon I know told me that doctors prefer piercings to tattoos because the skin can recover from being pierced, but tattoos are nearly impossible to remove. Tattoo ink can leak into lymph glands and cause serious infections 10-15 years later. Tattoo ink isn’t regulated and toxins can travel to all parts of your body. As for piercings, be advised that cartilage isn’t able to fight off infections like fatty areas of the skin can. Don’t pierce the top of your ear or the center of your nose. Don’t piece your nipples. They don’t heal completely because of their intricate plumbing, especially in women. The path of infection can be very severe. Tongue piercings are OK. He recommended parents allow kids to get multiple piercings. One is sure to get infected and treatment is painful. The thrill will be gone.
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Topic - Kids’ Fears Of Characters In Costume
Ever see a 3- or 4-year old at Disneyland screaming in terror whenever someone in a costume came by? Wonder why their parents brought them in the first place? What Mom and Dad don’t realize is that their little one is in a period of trying to figure out what’s real and what’s not. These little ones are constantly scanning the environment to learn and make sense of what they see. If what she sees doesn’t make sense, she feels afraid. At her age, her imagination is running wild. To help her cope with this overwhelming stage in her life, do what you do best, bring comfort and a sense of safety. Scoop her up, or sit down with her in your lap even if you’re in the aisle at the market, wrap yourself around her until she calms and can learn from the situation. She’ll rent your courage and develop trust in her skills to continue to explore. Never minimize her fear and don’t shame her for it.
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Topic - Teen girls take longer to recover from concussion
Not only are females at a 50% greater risk of sports-related concussions than males, but girls, at least teenage girls, take more than twice as long to recover than do boys. Boys seem to resolve their concussion symptoms after 10 days, but girls still had complaints for at least 28 days. There are physical differences that may cause females to suffer more concussions including a small head mass and weaker neck muscles. Pre-existing medical conditions such as migraine headaches as well as mental health issues related to anxiety and depression may be factors in delaying girls’ recovery from brain injury. Males are more likely to “tough it out” and not report symptoms. Remarkably, up to 60% of head injuries are diagnosed, but not treated. Maybe this is the reason that many parents aren’t allowing their kids to participate in high-
risk sports.
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Topic - Smoking Pot Ages Your Brain
Oh, the unintended consequences. Marijuana has been legalized, decriminalized and commercialized, but we still don’t have much in the way of reliable data regarding the long-term use of the wacky weed. However, some of the research about consistent use is alarming. Brain scans reveal that smoking pot, on average, ages the brain by nearly 3 years. Brain aging is defined as reduced blood flow and reduced blood flow is associated with dementia and stroke. Schizophrenia ages the brain by an average of 4 years and drinking alcohol to excess ages it by about 7 months. Bipolar disorder and ADHD speed up the decline of the brain by about 18 months. Mental disorders affect different parts of the brain and, now, we see that smoking weed negatively impacts blood flow. Even though it’s legal, marijuana may not be safe.
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Topic - Teens Need Just One Friend
Teenagers and their friends. Parents think their teens need a whole gaggle of friends, but they don’t. They need just one, just one really close, loyal friend. That’s it. Having one good friend improves their mental health through stronger coping skills which enhance motivation and academic success. At age 25, the lasting effects of this friendship can be seen in higher levels of self-worth and lower levels of social anxiety and depression. How does this happen? These high quality friendships create a degree of attachment, trust and support that allow for intimate exchanges. They occur at a time when identity is taking shape. The skills and sense of self set the stage for the work, community and romantic relationships in the next chapter of their lives. It’s not about being popular, it’s about being likeable.
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Topic - Baby’s Soft Spots
We’re warned about protecting the soft spots on baby’s head from the first moment they’re born. Here’s the story behind those warnings. If babies didn’t have those soft spots, their skulls wouldn’t be flexible and it’s likely they’d all require C-sections. But, Mother Nature figured it out. Baby’s skulls are not completely developed at the time of birth. Their skull bones are separated by soft spots and a super tough fibrous membrane connects those bones. As a result, the bones can move around a bit when baby is coming down the birth canal. If baby ends up being a “conehead” from the intense pressure in the canal, the doctor can reshape it. By the age of 2, all of the soft spots should be closed completely. Until that time, be mindful of just how fragile baby is. Human skulls have changed over thousands of years to accommodate the birthing process and aren’t we glad?
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Topic - Sunscreen Chemicals Get Into Your Blood Stream
You’ve slapped on sunscreen all your life. You’re confident they’re safe and that the FDA has researched these products extensively. You’re wrong. Only recently has the FDA been questioning the safety of photoprotective chemicals. Do they mess with hormones, give you cancer or damage a fetus? As it turns out, it takes only a few minutes for the chemicals in sunscreen to get into your blood, but don’t panic yet. There’s no evidence that they harm you, but we just don’t know. Recent research tells us that the concentrations of these chemicals do rise to a level that triggers the need for further testing. We do know that sun exposure causes cancer, so until we have definitive answers, stick to those formulations that have been proven to be both safe and effective. Products with zinc oxide and titanium oxide are the safest.
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Topic - Where You Live Impacts Your Blood Pressure
What happens if you’re a minority and you move out of your racially segregated community? Your blood pressure drops. But why is that? Neighborhoods that have mostly minority residents, have lower quality education, reduced job opportunities and poor quality grocery stores where a variety of fresh foods isn’t offered. If you move to a neighborhood where there’s a mix of people, you’ll have a significant drop and that drop will be permanent if you stay there. Even a mild reduction in blood pressure can lead to several thousand fewer deaths from heart failure, heart disease and stroke in minority adults ages forty-five to sixty-four. Lack of resources and segregation cause devastating health conditions including diabetes and obesity. We can do better. Encourage those you love to have their blood pressure checked regularly.
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Topic - Even Moderate Drinking Bad For Aging Brains
Are you older, say in your eighties and think, “It’s OK, I can drink as much as I want. What’ve I got to lose?” Well, my friend, even if you drink moderately which is equal to eight to twelve small glasses of wine, bottles of beer or shots of liquor each week, I’ll tell you what you can lose. Your memory. If you abstain altogether or drink lightly, you protect your memory ability and the information already stored in your memory. If you’re a moderate-to-heavy drinker, you will have a sudden and rapid decline of both thinking and memory at some point. Brain scans in moderate-to-heavy drinkers show shrinkage in the memory-areas of the brain and this kind of change can happen just before the onset of dementia. One drink a day for women and two drinks a day for men is the recommended amount. If you’ve been drinking moderately or heavily, start pulling back. Ask yourself, “Can I live with the consequences?” The answer, is “No”.
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Topic - Average Teen Is As Sedentary As A 60-Year Old
Think teenagers are an active, vivacious bunch? Think again. Today’s average teen is no more active than the average 60-year old. Over 12,000 people of various ages wore tracking devices for 7 straight days for periods of time between 2003 through 2005. The results indicated that the older kids got, the less they moved. Fifty percent of boys and 75% of girls ages 12 through 17 didn’t meet the guidelines for physical activity. Younger kids were more active, but were still deficit. By the time the participants reached 19 years of age, they were as active as the 60-year olds in the study. Being inactive has a global effect on health. As these kids age, they’re likely to have more serious health problems than if they had gotten off the computer and moved around.
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Topic - Polygamy Is Popular
Acceptance of polygamy is at an all-time high and the series Sister Wives may be responsible for it. Social scientists are also pointing to increasingly liberal views on pre-marital sex and same-sex relationships. The power of television is that it comes right into our homes and presents situations in ways that seem typical, a process called normalizing. If we see these images enough times, we become desensitized to them and integrate them into our value system. The sitcom Will & Grace changed Americans’ views toward gays because we became educated about the day-to-day lives of the characters. Because most of the time, the reality of the challenges of having a different lifestyle isn’t presented, the “grass may seem greener on the other side” when it comes to polygamy. Having multiple people engaged in an ongoing intimate relationship is fraught with danger.
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Topic - Want A Celestial Burial?
Have you budgeted for your burial in low-Earth orbit? For a modest five thousand dollars, you can have a travel-size bottle of your ashes spin for years at seventeen thousand miles an hour until it gradually burns up when it re-enters the atmosphere. If you want the deluxe celestial burial, for twelve thousand dollars, you can send a gram of cremated remains blasting on to the moon or have them shot out into deep space. Yes, believe it or not hundreds of Americans have already arranged for space burials this year. Entrepreneurs have visions of cemeteries dotting the ghostly lunar landscape. Perhaps it’s a fitting end to a loved one who always wanted to go to the moon. I’m worried about thousands of those bottles of ashes speeding around, adding to the space junk that’s already there creating a hazard for astronauts and scientists. Oh well. It’s commerce!
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Topic - Age Of Porn Exposure Molds Views Of Women
This isn’t a delightful topic, but a necessary one. Pornography used to be thought of as a coming of age for boys, but it’s more harmful than we thought, especially since new research has shown that a man’s negative attitude towards women may be determined by the age he was when he was first exposed to it. The results indicated that the men who were most aggressive and dominating towards women were the ones who first watched at a young age. Because of their young age, they misinterpreted the images. As a result, viewing that content sets up unrealistic and degrading attitudes about real-life intimate relationships. Since you can’t control everything your child sees, have an open discussion around age thirteen which is the average age of first exposure.
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Topic - Eating Out Isn’t Special Anymore
For the first time in our history, Americans are spending more money eating out than eating at home. The availability of food being delivered to your home to either eat immediately or prepare later has skyrocketed along with the number of companies providing such services. If you prepare it, someone will want it delivered. Consumers are willing to pay more for the convenience of having food “on demand”. The younger generation’s spending at online grocery stores has risen by 750% since 2012. They’re willing to pay 30% more for prepared meals and 55% more for restaurant take out. They’re also having their groceries delivered and buying meal kits for which they’re paying between 14 and 25% more. Major cities are seeing a shift from the standard grocery store model to online grocers. Clipping coupons is a thing of the past.
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Topic - Fine Line Between Madness And Genius
There’s a fine line between madness and genius, but it’s not madness at all. Throughout history, we’ve seen truly brilliant and creative people with volatile temperaments, mood swings and destructive binges. Van Gogh, Beethoven, Virginia Woolf and Silvia Plath are only a few of the talented tortured. These souls lived before modern psychiatry could help them or perhaps destroy their gifts. From the behavior seen in many creative geniuses, they’re likely suffering from bipolar disorder. They manifest their gifts during manic periods and have destructive binges during the depressive phase. Mania symptoms at about age twenty-two were seen in the same children who measured with very high IQs at age eight. Intelligence, mood disorders and genius. Is there a flip side to these gifts?
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Topic - Fewer Weddings
Wedding venues are reporting smaller numbers of reservations than ever. Why? Fewer Americans are getting married and the ones that are walking down the aisle have scaled back their celebrations to smaller, but not cheaper events. Brides and grooms are older. In twenty fifteen, most first-time brides were twenty-eight and their grooms were thirty. The US marriage rate has been falling for decades and dropped off during the recession of two thousand eight. Even when the economy recovered, marriage rates didn’t increase. Same-sex marriages didn’t pick up the slack. Other developed countries have a lower marriage rate than we do. If it’s acceptable to live together and have children, couples say why bother? Millennials lag behind previous generations on some metrics of adulthood and maybe they’ll get around to getting married or not. Do the wedding bells toll for you?
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Topic - Teen Girls’ Suicide Rate At All-Time High
Bullying and constant pressure to measure up are two of the causes and social media may be responsible for the biggest spike in suicides for teen girls in forty-two years? The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention reported the suicide rate for girls between ages fourteen and nineteen has doubled between two thousand seven and twenty fifteen and it has tripled for girls ages twelve to fourteen in that same time frame. Depression doesn’t usually scream for help, but it’s not depression that kills them. It’s hopelessness. Are they trapped in a situation without an escape? Are they talking about death? Being sad or upset? Sit them down. Use their language. Their brains aren’t formed. They may not appreciate the permanence of death. Make sure they do. Give them reasons to hold onto life.
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Topic - Successful People Wear The Same Outfit Everyday
Steve Jobs and Albert Einstein did it. Mark Zuckerberg does it. They’ve adopted a monotone wardrobe of basic elements so they have fewer decisions to make about “what to wear”. We make an enormous amount of trivial decisions daily and they’re costing us in terms of decision fatigue. Our ability to make well-thought out decisions is finite. In other words, we can’t keep up this pace and still function effectively. We blow up at co-workers and family, we get talked into buying junk food, goods and services we don’t need because we just can’t make one more decision. What to do? Develop a look that defines you. Craft a morning routine that’s not exhausting before you get to work. Figure out what foods make you feel good and stick with them, consistently. Pack the fridge with the ingredients you like and go from there. Reserve your brain power for the big ticket items in life.
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Topic - Dissatisfied With Your Life? It’s Your Fault
Feel that life is unfair? Is the world out to get you? Make excuses for living a “less than” life? The life you’re living may not be your fault, but it’s your responsibility to make changes. The only real change happens in small steps. Inventory your life. What part is draining your energy the most? Change that first. If you can’t change that, then move to the next condition on the list. Change just one eating habit, drop the friend who’s a parasite, read a book, stop doing that one thing that makes you unhealthy or miserable or sad. You’ll have to stop slowly because now, you’re addicted to using it as an excuse for your lack of growth and progress. Being honest with who you are is likely to be the ugliest and most challenging part. Are you jealous? Suspicious? Hard to get along with? Do you judge others? Blow up their dreams? When you get tired of it, you’ll change. That’s the good news.
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Topic - Seniors With Dogs Are Healthier
If your older parent wants to get a dog, be supportive. Seniors with dogs enjoy a much greater level of health than those without the furry friends. Having a dog keeps us more active. People with dogs are more active on cold, wet and dark days than seniors without dogs on the sunniest days. The seniors who were studied took their dogs for at least two walks a day. The dog owners spent thirty minutes less time sitting than non-dog seniors. Being sedentary contributes to heart disease, cognitive deficits and an overall decline in health. Not everybody can have a dog, so consider volunteering with local charities, dog walking groups or animal shelters to get “your dog walk on”. Other positive features of walking a dog include being outside, being with others, enjoying the companionship of a dog and reducing isolation and loneliness.
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Topic - Older Fathers Produce Geeky Kids
The research regarding the impact of having an older father is mostly negative. A new study finds that boys born to older fathers can be more intelligent, socially aloof, don’t worry about how others view them and are interested in closely studying particular fields which the researchers called a “geeky personality”. As a clinician, I’m seeing a picture of high functioning autism here. This article stated that the researchers wanted to explore the relationship between father’s age, a geeky personality and autism. Although these boys might not be diagnosed yet, it’s been my experience that when kids are exceptionally bright, their “quirks” are attributed to their intelligence. I’ve diagnosed a good many twenty something’s with high functioning autism once their anxiety blew up and depression set in. Don’t let the minimize, marginalize and deny mindset keep you from getting the boy some help.
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Topic - Why Are Some Kids Rejected By Classmates
When kids are rejected, many times it’s not about them, it’s about the kids who are rejecting them. The kids who reject do so because they think accepting a kid will have a negative impact on them or their social group. A method of looking at rejection called the Grounded Theory discovered that kids are rejected because they cheat, disobey the teacher, hit kids and generally disturb the well-being of others. Some kids are rejected because of personal preferences and unfamiliarity. Kids know what they like and don’t like in a friendship and are usually reluctant to choose a friend they don’t know well. Kids are blunt and still learning social skills. The little ones need to be taught how to see something positive in someone they don’t know or rejected right away because those kids might just be a friend in disguise. Giving a relationship a second chance is an important skill to learn for adulthood.
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Topic - When Brains Boil
Some people don’t do well in higher temperatures. I worked in a housing project in Philadelphia and my teaching assistant refused to come to work in June because she said that “people’s brains boil” in the city heat. She was right according to current research that says when temperatures get high, people are moody and unwilling to help others. I can see the moody part. Physical discomfort makes people irritable. The unwillingness to help others may be a bit less obvious. We know that when people are stressed and uncomfortable, they have fewer emotional resources to cope with stressors. They find it difficult to tolerate even the most minor annoyance. For us humans, it’s all about balance and when our balance is off, we use our resources to regain it. The takeaway message here is that when temperatures rise, understand that others may not cope as well as you. Avoid provoking others. Be kind. Stay cool.
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Topic - EVOO Helps Memory
Go ahead, pour it on. That extra virgin olive oil or EVOO as Rachel Ray calls it, protects your brain against memory loss, preserves your ability to learn and cleans your brain to avoid Alzheimer’s. EVOO keeps the connections between brain cells healthy and working at top capacity. Olive oil plays a big role in the Mediterranean diet. This diet leads to a reduced risk of heart disease, improves weight control and bone health and regulates blood sugar. It doesn’t take much to incorporate more olive oil in your diet. In your cabinet, put it right next to your vegetable oil and when you reach for the veggie oil, just ask yourself, “Can I use olive oil instead?” It will take just twenty-one days to change your habits. And, there’s no sweaty exercise involved!
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Topic - Prayer Improves Well-Being
In your later years, faith may play an increasing role in how good you feel. If you feel that you’re in sync with a higher power, you enjoy greater satisfaction and happiness in your life. The more attached you feel to G-d, the more your well-being will increase when you pray. Perceptions and interpretations of a higher power are different for each faith and each person within that faith. It’s not an automatic process and people who are not predisposed to prayer may experience adverse effects, so don’t push it. If your perception of G-d assumes that He is responsive, loving, supporting, trustworthy, everywhere and all-knowing, then prayer may be a life-enhancing experience. Older people who are approaching the end of their lives see prayer as a chance to make amends and seek forgiveness. For them, prayer may provide considerable comfort and assurance.
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Topic - Stress Can Age Your Brain By Years
Stressful experiences can cause your brain to age several years. The truth is that when you’re a kid, you have no control. One major stressful event early in your life has an impact on later brain health. The more stressful experiences you have over your lifetime, the more your brain ages. Losing your job or home, the death of a child, poverty, abuse and neglect, divorce or growing up with parents who abused drugs or alcohol contribute to the escalated aging. Even a change in schools can be traumatic for some children. Memory and reasoning skills take the greatest hit as you age, but it’s unclear if these stressful events and cognitive losses lead to dementia. Since stress and chronic inflammation go hand-in-hand, it wouldn’t be a leap to think that traumatic events accelerate the development of dementia. A healthy lifestyle and diet can reduce your risk.
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Topic - Depression Is More Than Being Sad
What do you think when I say the word “depression”? Do you think, “Oh, that’s when people are really sad”? The saddest person in the room might not actually be depressed. The depressed person is the one you’d never suspect. They’re trying to convince you and themselves that they’re happy. Depression doesn’t usually scream for help. It’s like drowning. It’s often a quiet death of the soul. It’s sleepless nights, getting sadder at certain times of the year, needing to be around people, but pushing them away, crying for no reason, feeling your whole body in pain, having no energy and waiting for that dark cloud hanging over your head to finally rip open. It’s about extremes. Being overly active or not, eating everything or not, being a workaholic or paralyzed in bed all day. Is this you? There are many effective treatments. Don’t suffer needlessly.
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Topic - Marijuana Kills Cancer Cells
Long ago, I heard a cancer researcher say that everything we’ll ever need to kill every disease is somewhere in the rain forest. I wasn’t surprised to see an article on the National Cancer Institute’s site indicating that marijuana kills cancer cells. The Institute reports that “cannabinoids may be useful in treating the side effects of cancer and cancer treatment” by smoking, eating it in baked goods, drinking herbal teas or even spraying it under the tongue. There’s a long list of medicinal uses including pain relief, anti-inflammation, anti-viral, anti-anxiety, stress relief and reduction of muscle spasms due to multiple sclerosis. Cannabinoids have anti-tumor properties. Very good news, indeed.
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Topic - Talk To Yourself To Relieve Stress
Have you ever been caught talking to yourself? Think you’re crazy? You’re not, especially if you refer to yourself in the third person because you’re disengaged and observing yourself from the outside. If you speak to yourself about a situation and using the third person, “Sarah, why in the world did you do THAT?”, it’s less painful. When you think and refer to yourself by your name instead of I or me, it’s similar to how we think about others. In this way, we get some psychological distance from our experience which can help make our emotions more manageable. It’s a way to “get ahold of ourselves” and bring our reactions more to the middle so that we can effectively problem solve without serious self-criticism. Just a thought.
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Topic - Tweets Heavily Influence Tv Watching
Think that tweeting is silly? Think again. When you see emotionally-charged tweets about a television show, it can change your opinion about that show. It’s called the bandwagon effect meaning that people adopted the same opinion as the tweeters, regardless of who they were. We know that people of high status can influence us, but this is different. We’re being influenced by people we don’t know and we can’t even tell if their feelings are genuine. What we do know is that social media is a powerful force in shaping opinions either positively or negatively, although negative comments generally leave a stronger impression due to the human brain’s tendency to be negatively biased. The results of the study proved that it doesn’t take much to sway a viewer’s opinion. But then again, the stakes aren’t high for the viewer and for us humans, it’s important to be “part of the herd”.
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Topic - Child Suicide Cases Increasing
American young people and children are more depressed, anxious and suicidal than ever. As a result, there’s been a dramatic increase in hospitalizations for suicidal thinking. Thirty-two children’s hospitals across the US reported that their cases with children between five and seventeen have more than doubled between two thousand eight and two thousand fifteen. More than one hundred eighteen thousand kids were hospitalized most of which were the older teenagers. The fewest incidences happened in the summer while most happened in the spring and fall. The one obvious variable here is that “something” is going on related to school that isn’t being explored. Do these kids have learning disabilities, Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder, being bullied, laboring under intense pressure from parents? Until we know the source of the stress, this trend is going to continue.
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Topic - Social Anxiety Disorder Issues
Are you an adult with a social anxiety disorder? Tired of being held captive by it? Social anxiety disorders are miserable. They interfere with the most enjoyable times of life, so do something about it. This condition likely started in childhood and now that you’re an adult, you have control. You don’t have to cope with social situations by using your “safety behaviors” of staying on the edge of the group, avoiding eye contact and not talking to anyone. Medications designed specifically for this condition can rescue you from the tortures of anxiety while you revise your self-image and develop social skills. Cognitive-behavioral therapy will teach you how your thinking is reinforcing avoidance so you can change it and subsequently, your behavior and feelings. You can be comfortable and confident. Most larger communities have free or sliding scale services. Get out there. Enjoy yourself!
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Topic - Mental Illness Is The Rule, Not The Exception
Think that only a small number of people are mentally ill? Current data says that twenty percent suffer from a psychiatric condition in a given year. But, a thirty-five year study that tracked kids beginning at age three revealed that only seventeen percent had no psychiatric diagnoses. Most suffered from anxiety, depression and substance abuse. Several had more than one diagnosis at a time. Wealth, physical health or intelligence weren’t factors in staying mentally well. Aspects of personality and temperament seen in childhood accounted for the problems. Those who were social, less emotionally reactive to situations and had higher levels of self-control as kids were healthier as adults. Mental illness occurs in most people. Only a few act out destructively, so the general population doesn’t realize just how many people are impacted. Mental illness is the rule, not the exception.
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Topic - Police Help Check For Monsters
I saw a cute article about a four-year old girl asking the police to check her new home for monsters. It reminded me of the eight year old in my practice who had an intense fear of having a house fire. There had been no such incident in her life anywhere which made her parents think that fire might represent “something” else, so, they brought her to me. I like to start with the obvious. I asked mother to speak with the local battalion chief about doing a “safe home check” and share with him, confidentially, that their girl was struggling with this fear. The chief himself came to their home. Parents reported to me that he was “for real” in his inspection and made recommendations. He also saw some sketchy electrical work that he didn’t like and told them to get it looked at. He critiqued their escape plan which I suggested they put together. He calmed her fears. Sometimes, that’s all it takes.
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Topic - Funny Words
Curiosity leads to the most interesting and frankly, entertaining research studies. British scientists conducted an online study to determine which words were the funniest and wackiest. Some of the funniest words were nitwit, tinkle, egghead and twerp. Men rated words with a naughty association to be the funniest. Females thought that beast, circus, humbug, momma and sod to be the funniest. I ended up wondering if scintillating, bamboozle, succotash or iota made the list. What about mimic, gyrate, or cucumber? I thought perhaps that the accent of the researchers may have made a difference, but maybe not since the research was conducted online. The accents of the participants may have played a role. I taught some of my British friends how to swear because, frankly, they had no “punch” to their profanities! Once a teacher, always a teacher!
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Topic - Low College GPA and Sleep
So, your little one is off to college? Don’t expect a stellar grade point average when the first reports come out. They may not be doing face plants on the front lawn of the frat house. The reason might be as simple as not going to bed and rising at a consistent time every day. Living with a bunch of rowdy teenagers out from under the keen eye of parents for the first time isn’t exactly conducive to sound, restorative sleep. Sleeping in a different environment, eating different food and laboring under unique social stressors push their coping skills to the limit. As it turns out, consistency in both going to bed and rising around the same time is just as important as the number of hours you sleep. Sleeping at irregular times changes the body’s clock which impacts melatonin, a sleep regulating hormone, which disrupts concentration and cognitive skills. Don’t make assumptions when 4.6 Tom brings home a 2.1 GPA.
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Topic - Sleep Affects Weight
Can’t figure out why you’re gaining weight? Look at your sleep habits. If you sleep an average of six hours a night, your waist measurement is likely a bit more than an inch larger than someone who gets nine hours of sleep. While each person differs in the amount of sleep they need, seven to nine hours for most adults is the “sweet spot”. The longer you’re awake, the more food you’ll eat and it’s usually not broccoli. At night, we crave fats and sugar. Having an eight hour fasting period of sleep not only allows you to avoid food, but your brain gets rid of debris and those nasty proteins that cause Alzheimer’s Disease. Worldwide, the obesity rate has more than doubled since 1980. Obesity plays a powerful role in many debilitating diseases, most notably Type II diabetes which is chronically high blood sugar. Turn everything off and get in bed. Live longer and healthier.
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Topic - Spanking Haunts A Decade Later
I wrote my doctoral dissertation on corporal punishment because I started my teaching career in Florida in the mid-seventies when spanking and beating kids in schools were the norm. Research has taught us a lot about the consequences of hitting kids. Children physically abused at fifteen months of age show increased aggressiveness and delinquency as well as less empathy at age ten. Both black and white children who were beaten struggled with having poor emotional regulation. This is a fancy way of saying that they can’t control their tempers. Every day, we see the havoc that rage causes. The ways that young children are treated have a powerful impact on their future. If you plant corn, don’t expect tomatoes to grow. If you hit your kids, they’ll hit back at someone. Nurture their positive behaviors and teach them ways to handle anger, frustration and disappointment. Violence isn’t cured by spreading it to others.
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Topic - Social Status Changes Our Language
Ever notice how you adjust your language when you speak to someone with a higher social status than you? You raise the pitch of your voice in order to communicate that you’re not a threat. Social psychologists teach us that those who enjoy a high status have the power to change our minds or convince us of an opinion, but now, we know that we even speak differently to them. Both men and women alter their pitch when speaking to others who are dominant or prestigious, but those folks don’t change their tone or volume, suggesting they’re aware that they’re confident and in control. The shape of your face, body posture, facial expression and voice change to reflect how you perceive your social status. Be aware of how these dynamics may change the way the listener hears your message. Go to that interview and get that job!
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Topic - The Make Or Break Factor For Single Moms
She might be raising her child alone because she’s divorced, or her husband died or left, or she chose single parenthood as an alternative to settling for a partner in order to have a child. Regardless of how she’s doing it, her child is very likely to turn out just fine, thanks. There’s no significant difference between a single mom raising a child and kids being raised by two heterosexual parents. The key ingredient is not “who” is doing the parenting, but the health of that relationship. The make-or-break factor in a single mom’s life is a strong social network. Friends, family or neighbors, the pediatrician, teachers and church. Online groups provide resources, practical advice, camaraderie and ideas for making the journey alone. The trick is to not feel alone. Isolation increases anxiety and reduces coping skills. Reach out to get what you need.
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Topic - Having A Purpose In Life Improves Sleep
Found your purpose in life? Notice that you sleep better and wake up feeling motivated? The two go together. Researchers evaluated a group of older Americans ranging in age from sixty to one hundred and found some interesting results. This age group was chosen because they have higher rates of insomnia and other sleep disorders. The results concluded that when people felt their lives held significant meaning, they were sixty-three percent less likely to have sleep apnea, a potentially fatal condition, and fifty-three percent were less likely to have restless leg syndrome which interferes with sleep quality. Exploring activities that bring pleasure and causes that support your beliefs are critical to staying motivated by and engaged in life. Participating in this way reduces isolation and loneliness and provides a support group in times of challenge. Go ahead, get out there!
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Topic - Surprising Benefit Of Having Kids Later
Usually, there’s just negative talk about having children after thirty or even forty. Yes, there are risks, but we now know that the benefits are amazing. If you have your last child after the age of thirty-three, you’re more likely to live to ninety-five. Those of us who had our last baby after thirty-five also had boosts in brain power during menopause, likely due to hormone therapy. We have increased income over time because we started families later in order to get educated and established in our careers. We offer better educational and emotional support for our kids and they fare better in life. Kids born to older mothers stay in school longer, score higher on standardized tests and were more likely to go to college. We use more extensive vocabularies when engaging our kids which translates into a stronger academic performance. As Oprah said, “You can have it all, just not all at once”.
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Topic - Need A Dental Appointment? Go To The Beach!
Virtual reality devices are becoming so mainstream that they’re being used in dental offices for people who become stressed at even the thought of being at the dentist. Not just any distracting virtual reality scene will do. Apparently, the magic is at the beach. Studies were done to determine the scenes that reduce the greatest amount of pain and anxiety and only the beach setting did the trick. Most of us have had a seaside experience and can quickly recall its sights, sounds and smells. Considering that the scent and noise of dental offices rev up anxiety, being distracted by pictures that bring back fond memories can bring a state of calm. When follow-up interviews were held, patients reported reduced stress and anxiety which should carry over to the next appointment as they’ll anticipate a more relaxing experience. So, when you need that cavity filled, go to the beach!
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Topic - Help Them In Person
Texting is quick and convenient. When your friend is in need or your loved one is in crisis, a text won’t do even though it may make you feel better about being there for them. Want to do some real good? Show up, in person. Why? While texting provides an immediate connection, the healthiest emotional outcome is when support is given face-to-face during a stressful experience. It’s the visual and auditory cues that play a big role because they allow the message to be interpreted correctly. Do what you can to help yourself in a time of crisis. Looking at photographs or even hearing the voice of a loved one can improve your mood. Draw on all of your resources to get through the worst of it and then, determine the best ways to get your needs met. Let your friends and family know how to support you when the going gets tough. If they can’t be there in person, maybe a phone call will work. Don’t make them guess. Tell them what you need.
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Topic - Sleep Or Diet
You have so many responsibilities. Something’s gotta give. Since everything important to you has a number 1 next to it, two things that get pushed down the list are sleep and diet. My strategy when I couldn’t get enough sleep, was to eat the healthiest diet I could manage. The goal was to control the controllable. A research study proved that work-related stress leads to poor eating habits, but healthy sleep may offset junk food cravings. When we’re stressed, we crave fats and sugars. We need a plan to get sleep during these times of stress. If we sleep, we have greater self-control and can problem-solve effectively. In the afternoon, find a quiet place like your car or an unused office and sit still, eyes closed with soft music playing and just shut down for twenty minutes. Disengage from the stress and have a protein snack. You’ll feel so much better.
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Topic - Fathers Respond Differently To Their Sons Than Daughters
Fathers who have both male and female toddlers were “wired for sound” for forty-eight hours. They also had MRIs done while they were shown pictures of their toddlers. The results of the study revealed that fathers were more likely to react to a request from their daughter than if it came from their son. Fathers’ brains responded more strongly to images of their daughters than sons. In evaluating their language, fathers used different words with daughters. Their words were associated with emotions or body parts like “face” and “fat”. The words they used with boys were related to power or achievement such as “best” and “win”. These biases are likely unconscious, but they shape kids’ behavior in line with expectations of gender roles. Parents need to validate the full range of emotions with kids in order to help them adjust to adulthood in a healthy manner.
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Topic - Mindfulness Reduces College Freshman Drinking
College freshmen have a lot to deal with. I call it the “kindergarten of adulthood”. Sharing resources, knowing which rules can be bent and not broken, spending most of your day with strangers. It’s a lot. Mindfulness training might just be the strategy to give them immediate benefits and end up being a lifelong coping tool, especially when they’re laboring under the stress of a family and a job in their thirties, forties and fifties. They need to start practicing mindfulness now. A study proved that just eight training sessions significantly reduced depression and anxiety symptoms that might lead to excessive drinking. The training also increased daily life satisfaction. Because there are so many students experiencing this life transition at the same time and place, taking the training together helps them to reinforce the techniques and bond. Check out a mindfulness program if it’s offered at your school. You’ll be amazed.
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Topic - Still Wondering About The Amount Of Screen Time?
Are you the modern day Goldilocks trying to get your kids’ screen time “just right” so that it benefits their brain, but doesn’t destroy their health? Join the club. Researchers recently reported that the “just right” amount depends on the device and the day of the week. Moderate levels of use, one to two hours a day during the week with an hour more a day during the weekend for screen time might be beneficial. Television and movie viewing may require more time since shows and films have finite ends, unless, of course, you’re binge watching to catch up on your favorite series. These guidelines follow the common sense approach of “all things in moderation” depending on your circumstances. A bowl of ice cream is fine unless you’re diabetic. A glass of wine is great unless you’re an alcoholic or twelve years old. Parents, the digital age is upon us. Take into account the whole picture and use common sense before you pull the plug.
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Topic - Neurotics Live Longer
My aunt used to say, “Get a minor illness and nurse it until you die. It’ll give you something real to worry about”. She knew stuff. Researchers have learned that, for some people, being neurotic creates a vigilance that serves as a protective factor against disease and reduces the chances of dying early. Neurosis and neurotic are outdated diagnoses that haven’t been made since nineteen eighty. The terms generally refer to those who are abnormally sensitive, obsessive, tense or who experience anxious, chronic distress. Sounds about right, doesn’t it, Woody Allen? It was agreed that, overall, while being neurotic was responsible for increases in death, this wasn’t true for all people. Even though you won’t die early from being neurotic, the misery index of daily life is certain to be high. There seems to be such a thing as a healthy neurotic, but certainly not a happy one.
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Topic - 142 Americans Everyday
The opioid epidemic is reaching critical mass. One of the reasons is that opioid abuse isn’t limited to social and economic classes. Most of the time, it’s prescribed for you and now, it’s got its teeth deep into your bones. Researchers are trying to find out where it starts. Emergency room doctors prescribe sixty oxycodone pills for a sprained ankle, forty pills to a mother who’s had a Caesarean and the mentally ill are the largest group of opioid recipients. One hundred forty two Americans of all stripes are dying of it daily. Every three weeks, that’s equal to the nine eleven death toll. It’s the most vicious epidemic in American history. It’s also a national crisis for death investigators. Police and coroner’s offices are required to determine the cause of death for each one of its victims. Don’t be fooled. Don’t accept opioid treatment for minor pain.
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Topic - Women Should Nap At Work
Women need more sleep because we use our brains more than men. Part of this need is related to the fact that we have more complex wiring than men. Our prefrontal cortex, the part of the brain that’s responsible for planning and organizing everything in everyone’s world, is larger than men’s. Studies show that we need about twenty more minutes sleep than men do, so take a nap at work. If you don’t, you’ll end up slogging through the rest of the day and it won’t be pretty. Don’t drink caffeine at lunch. In the afternoon, go to your car or a quiet place, put in ear plugs, maybe a sleep mask to block the light, listen to an audio book or just be quiet and still. Set an alarm for twenty minutes. Just getting off the hamster wheel for a bit will help you to function with more ease and efficiency. And, you’ll be so much more pleasant in the evening with your family. So, ladies, get your nap on!
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Topic - The Benefits Of Marijuana
Cannabis sativa has been used for thousands of years for religious and medicinal purposes. The two chemical compounds in this strain are helpful in reducing the symptoms of a number of disorders including anxiety and panic, schizophrenia and Parkinson’s where the chemicals reduce psychotic symptoms and some motor control issues. These chemicals also relax arteries and enhance heart function. People with irritable bowel syndrome and those undergoing chemotherapy find that cannabis sativa eases nausea and vomiting. For some people, the chemicals improve both the quality and quantity of sleep. Cannabinoids are anti-inflammants and relieve pain. Multiple sclerosis, AIDS, epilepsy and cancer are other diseases and conditions that benefit from treatment with marijuana. Extensive research into the many ways that cannabis can ease pain and suffering is long overdue.
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Topic - You’re Not Yourself When You’re Sleepy
Science continues to explore the effects of not getting enough sleep. So far, we know that it contributes to heart disease, diabetes, and stroke, but not getting enough sleep damages our mental health. We lose our ability to have a positive mind when we’re tired. Why is this so important? Because the inability to think positively is a serious symptom of depression. Humans tend toward noticing the positive things in our environment and sleep deprivation reverses that tendency. People with chronic insomnia are less sensitive to the effects of sleep loss because they have more experience being sleep-deprived and may have developed better methods of coping with it. It’s not all good news since insomniacs are three times more likely to report thoughts of suicide and death than those who get enough sleep. Keep the kids off the cell phones to reduce depression and improve self-esteem and an overall sense of well-being. It matters.
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Topic - Is Cupping For You?
You’ve seen those round, purplish bruises on athletes and celebrities, right? They’re a sign of cupping where small glass cups were heated and placed on the skin. They’re pulled away from the body to loosen and relax muscles and promote blood flow. In the movie, Godfather II, they were used on poor, sick baby Alfredo. Many alternative health practitioners offer the service. Now, scientific evidence supports that cupping promotes relaxation, induces inflammation to heal injuries and reduces pain and the symptoms of allergies and colds. They improve your skin quality, detoxify your body and relieve digestive problems. Cupping reduces signs of aging by minimizing lines and scars, relaxing the facial muscles and relieving puffiness, but I hope there’s a different way to achieve these results without leaving those nasty purple circles on my face!
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Topic - You Need Less Sleep As You Get Older
Our ancestors may be the reason why we’re not sleeping. It may not be the “digital age” after all. A primitive tribe was observed. Researchers saw that various members of a group slept at different times in order to provide a lookout. Called the “sentinel hypothesis”, it also suggested that one reason grandparents lived so long was to keep grandchildren alive. Youngsters are night owls and the elders rise early and need less sleep. As a result, it’s important to have people of all ages in any population. While evaluating the tribe, all members were asleep at the same time for only eighteen minutes. This follows the animal model where groups of social creatures like the meerkat, always have someone on the lookout while everyone else sleeps. We humans have been doing this for hundreds of thousands of years starting when we were sleeping in the bush and exposed to predators and rival groups of humans. Explains a lot, doesn’t it?
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Topic - You Can Catch Cavities
You can catch the bacteria that causes cavities. You can infect your kids when you share forks, spoons, glasses and food, kiss them on the lips, or blow on their food. Parents with active tooth decay can infect their children. Babies are most vulnerable when they are teething and the tooth enamel is very soft. Other factors include genetics, oral hygiene and letting babies suck on a sippy cup or bottle with juice or other sugary drinks for long periods of time. The study indicated that mothers who chew on sugar-free gum starting at sixth months of pregnancy and who have their teeth cleaned during the second and third trimester are less likely to infect their kids. Dentists advise cleaning baby’s mouth out at every diaper change to reduce cavities. Dental hygiene begins for both parent and child in infancy.
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Topic - Heart Attacks And Strokes At 6:30 Am
Why do strokes and heart attacks happen most frequently at six thirty in the morning? Researchers have known for years that this was the case, but they had no idea what factors were triggering these devastating events. As it turns out, the timing of heart attacks and strokes is related to our body’s natural clock, our circadian rhythm. At six thirty a.m., the protein in blood that slows the breakdown of clots is at its highest levels allowing clots to form. Researchers determined that regardless of the activities that people were doing at 6:30 in the morning, the protein, called PAI-one, still peaked. Learn the signs of heart attack and stroke. If your loved one shows these signs of medical distress at that time of day, don’t hesitate. Get help immediately because early intervention leads to the best outcome. You can’t live with the consequences.
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Topic - Stuttering Is A Brain Thing
Many people are under the impression that stuttering is related to anxiety or some other kind of social-emotional problem, but it’s not. Actually, three genetic mutations have been documented in the brain cells of people who stutter. Yes, there are those kids who have so much to say that the message gets garbled on the way out, but those kids typically mature out of their pressured speech. So do the kids who have impulsivity issues. They learn they’ll get their turn. There are also those kids who have been taught that no one listens to them, so they rush to speak, but those aren’t the kids I’m talking about. I’m talking about the kids who, for the most part, don’t speak often enough because they stutter. Speech therapy is very effective, especially with breathing techniques and reducing anxiety about speaking in front of others. Get speech training for your child now so they’ll be confident when they talk.
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Topic - Rich Parents, Poor Parents
By three years of age, preschoolers who live in families where there are adequate resources, have heard five hundred thousand “encouragements” which are those positive, teaching phrases that let kids know they’re behaving in an acceptable manner. In these families, kids have heard eighty thousand discouragements which are “corrections” to behavior or warnings about danger. In poverty-stricken families, the ratio of encouragements to discouragements is reversed. Poor children hear many more disapproving and negative messages which could set the stage for anxiety and depression in their later years. If a preschooler anticipates a negative relationship with adults will they behave in ways that earn them discouraging and disapproving comments because that’s normal for them? Teachers of young children should consider their students’ background before making judgments.
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Topic - Difference Between The Male And Female Brain
For decades, there’s been conflicting evidence about the male-female brain difference issue. The largest brain-imaging study of its kind found gender-specific patterns, but overall more similarities than differences. Male brains are heavier than ours. Despite being heavier, it’s women who have a thicker cerebral cortex. That’s the wrinkly outer layer of the brain that’s important in language, memory, perception, consciousness plus other functions. Someone with a thick cortex earns higher scores on tests of general intelligence and other thinking skills. Men had larger areas for memory and spatial awareness, emotions and decision-making, learning, reward processing, and relaying sensory information to other parts of the brain. Men’s brains, overall, vary much more from one to the next than do women’s. I guess there are differences after all!
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Topic - Don’t Take All Of The Antibiotics
Do I take all of the antibiotics my doctor prescribed? The medical world is re-thinking this. There’s panic because antibiotics are getting weaker and the bugs are getting stronger. Why? It just may be that when you take all of the pills, you cause bacteria to mutate to a more robust version for which we don’t have treatment. There’s talk about us returning to the Dark Ages in terms of our ability to treat infections. We won’t be able to keep up with the newer strains of bacteria. For some diseases such as tuberculosis, all of the pills need to be taken, but for a urinary tract infection, three days should do it. The medical community agrees that much more research needs to be done to create guidelines for how long medicines should be taken, but this effort will be hampered by the fact that each person responds differently to treatment. When your doctor prescribes antibiotics for your child, ask how long the medicine should be taken.
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Topic - Magnetic Sixth Sense
Humans likely tap into a magical sense that honeybees, sea turtles and migratory birds use to travel long distances. Magnetoreception is the magnetic compass aligned with the Earth’s magnetic fields. Testing using the protein from a human retina proved that we’re able to detect magnetic fields, but while it serves as a magnet sensor, it’s unclear if we actually use it as a compass. We do know that when there are disruptions in the Earth’s magnetic fields, people report sleep problems, mental confusion, a lack of energy or feeling on edge. When the fields are stable and solar activity increases, we report positive feelings, creativity and inspiration, likely due to a coupling between the human brain, heart rhythms and the nervous system. Extreme solar activity has been linked to some of humanity’s greatest creations of art and our most tragic events.
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Topic - What Would Happen If You Drank Only Water?
What would happen if you skipped coffee, tea, soda, juice and sports drinks and just drank water for only one month? A lot. You’ll look younger because your skin will be hydrated. You’ll lose weight because water is an appetite suppressant and because water flushes out our system; it cleanses our bodies and reduces sugar cravings. You might put on a few pounds at first because your body will retain water until it adjusts to the higher rate of consumption, but you’ll soon lose it. You’ll feel better because water improves the performance of your liver and blood and it strengthens bones by rebuilding cartilage so your joints can move more smoothly. If you drink just two cups of water when you get up in the morning, your metabolism will increase by twenty-four percent. That’s how powerful water can be to your overall health. By making a few adjustments and sticking with them, you’ll be surprised with how much better you’ll look and feel.
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Topic - Overweight Kids Ostracized By Peers, More Enemies
It’s not a surprise to learn that overweight kids are shunned by their peers, have more enemies and experience more bullying than kids whose weight is more in line with healthy standards. A study proved that heavier kids were less likely to have “give and take” relationships, were disliked by their peers and were excluded altogether. Rejection of a person based on their weight leads to fat shaming which has social, physical and mental effects. Their increased risk of loneliness and depression can lead to even more intense, unhealthy eating and resulting illness, decreased physical activity and social rejection. In America, twenty percent of school-age children are overweight or obese. My experience with kids is that they have to be the ones to initiate change, but you have to let them know that you’re “all in” when they decide to lose weight. Until they reach that conclusion, be a healthy role model for them.
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Topic - Teen Pot Use And Psychosis
Teens between the ages of thirteen and sixteen who ramped up their marijuana use from occasionally to weekly or daily increased their risk of having psychotic experiences by a stunning one hundred sixty percent. Four thousand thirteen year olds who were studied reported psychotic symptoms likely due to emerging depression. Psychotic experiences include hallucinations, feeling persecuted and having bizarre ideas. These experiences started out infrequently, but year after year, they happened more often and were more intense, resulting in full-blown psychotic episodes or other psychiatric conditions. While pot use is related to mental health symptoms and thinking problems, only the increase in depression explains the relationship between smoking weed and psychosis. It’s important to keep your kids from using marijuana for as long as possible.
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Topic - Doctors’ Stethoscopes Are Icky
Ewww! Icky. New research showed that doctors aren’t sterilizing their stethoscopes between patients and may be infecting people with diseases. Apparently, all it takes is an alcohol swab or gel or a disinfectant wipe to sterilize it, but that’s not happening in most cases. Hand hygiene has become an ingrained habit for most medical staff, but doctors need to up their game to keep viruses including staph, pneumonia, C. diff (you know, that nasty gut infection) as well as other forms of intestinal viruses from spreading. Considering the amount of fecal bacteria that was found on cell phones during a recent “on the street” informal study, I’m not surprised that doctors’ stethoscopes are contaminated. I hope the next time you see your doctor, you ask if the stethoscope has been cleaned before coming into the treatment room. We can help them develop better habits.
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Topic - Dietary Supplement Dangers
U.S. Poison Control Centers get a call every twenty-four minutes regarding complications from dietary supplements. The rate of calls has increased fifty-percent over the past ten years. Most of the calls involved children younger than six who ate the supplements. About five percent of the time, there were serious medical complications. People wrongly think that dietary supplements are considered to be drugs, so they’re held to the same standards as medications. About fifty percent of the problems were caused by plant ingredients such as yohimbe, an aphrodisiac, which causes heart rhythm problems. People who experienced the most severe problems had used botanicals and energy products known as “cultural medicines”. Agencies are now calling for improved child packaging and parent education.
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Topic - Money Really Can Buy Happiness
Science has proven that money can buy happiness. And, the reason for this is time, not money. Actually, money can make you happy because it buys you time. If you have the resources to pay people to do your time-consuming, tedious and onerous chores, you’re happier, according to an international research team. The results indicated that people spent about $148 a month buying themselves extra time. The time made them happier because they did things they wanted to do, not what they “had to do”. Having more time equaled less stress and less stress made them happy. The effect is seen across all income levels. When the researchers gave sixty adults forty dollars to spend on goods, they weren’t as happy as when they bought time for themselves. As for me, when I have time, I seem to have no money and when I have money, I have no time. Funny how having a job and a family works like that.
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Topic - Friends More Important Than Family For Health
For those of you with aging family members, listen closely. Their social circle has a greater impact on their health than do family members. Healthy relationships with friends and family were the best determinants of good health and happiness, in general, but friendship alone was the only solid predictor of positive global health in the later years, in part, because friendships prevent loneliness which offset the losses of family and other friends. While this may be a controversial set of findings, it’s important to note that we choose our friends and not our family. I was waiting in a doctor’s office in Philadelphia, thumbing through a Readers’ Digest, and came upon this quote, the author of which is long forgotten. “Friends are the family we make for ourselves.” Just perfect.
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Topic - Keys to Tweenage Discipline
Using effective discipline with your eight-to-twelve year old tweenager will encourage learning. Several keys to successful discipline include being their parent, not their friend. They’re renting your emotional state and leadership. They don’t need another friend. Make sure they know which behaviors are “radioactive” and the consequences if they choose to cross the line. Punishment is a bit trickier. Carefully consider the consequences that’ll be most meaningful. Don’t go overboard. Grounding them or taking away their digital devices for two days will give them a chance to learn and recover. If the punishment is excessive, they’ll be angrier at you than themselves. Two days’ worth gives them a second chance to learn. They’re also likely to make the same mistakes over and over. They will get tired of doing that and behavioral changes will follow. Maintain intimacy with family rituals.
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Topic - The Charlie Sheen Effect
Charlie Sheen told Matt Lauer that he was diagnosed with HIV in November, 2015, and the news spread like wildfire resulting in massive internet searches. A recent study by San Diego State University proved that the news turned into action with the sales of at-home HIV test kits hitting a record high. There was a ninety-five percent increase in sales the week following Sheen’s announcement. It appears that social psychologists are correct. The status of the speaker truly does impact our ability to hear the message because traditional government and health campaigns haven’t made nearly the dent that Charlie had on awareness of HIV. Another factor is empathy. Despite his antics, Charlie is a likeable guy and it’s easier to motivate action toward a person than a group. He’s turned his vulnerability into a good deed. Thanks, Charlie.
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Topic - Too Much Driving Is Bad For Your Brain
A new study says that spending more than two hours a day behind the wheel lowers our IQ, especially if we’re middle-aged, forty-five to sixty-five years old. The cause of this decline is being mentally and physically sedentary which causes stress and fatigue, all four of which are factors in the decline of a healthy brain. You can’t always quit your job, but you can take some steps to reduce the negative impact of a long commute on your body. Listen to books on tape or at least something intellectually stimulating on the radio. Maybe learn a language. Use systematic muscle relaxation. I’m sure that your shoulders are up under your ears so push your shoulders down to lengthen your neck muscles. Squeeze your buttocks tightly to reduce tension in those major muscles. Breathe deeply every tenth breathe or so to make sure you’re exchanging oxygen. Sit up straight so your lungs can fill. There! Better already!
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Topic - Reading Turbocharges Kids’ Brains
Oh, I lived for bedtime story time with our son. As a former teacher, I understood the magic of reading, so I began reading those large, colorfully-illustrated books to him the first night after we came home. He was oblivious. I didn’t care. It was for me at that point. Now, research proves that the extra interaction kids have while reading with parents gives their brains a boost. When they actively participated by turning the pages or pointing to the pictures or words, young children showed much greater brain activity than those who didn’t. This activity is on the right side of the cerebellum which is the brain part that controls memory, language-based learning, planning and sequencing. It’s the interaction between parent and child that does it. Children follow our lead. If we make reading fun for them, their brains benefit. Along with the actual reading, snuggle time enhances bonding and makes for wonderful memories.
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Topic - Autism and PCOS
Polycystic ovarian syndrome or PCOS increases the risk of having a child with autism by nearly sixty percent. Women with PCOS have enlarged ovaries with small cysts that produce excessive amounts of androgens or male hormones. Androgens are critical to the development of the brain and central nervous system. The exposure to sex hormones early in fetal development likely plays a role in the child’s risk of autism. Between five and fifteen percent of women have been diagnosed with PCOS. Although it’s uncertain if it causes autism, women with the condition should educate themselves about the earliest signs of autism such as limited eye contact, failure to laugh or babble and follow mother’s gaze. Create a team with a pediatric speech and language therapist and a child development specialist ahead of the birth so your questions can be answered early and confidently.
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Topic - Eating Eggs Makes Kids Taller
If you know a child who doesn’t have consistent access to food, a study shows that one of the most important features of their overall nutrition is eggs. Eating a single egg daily can reduce the possibility of stunted growth by forty seven percent and reduces the possibility of a child being underweight by seventy four percent. If your child is a picky eater and may not be getting all of the essential nutrition, consider the role of eggs. Some kids don’t like the blandness or the texture of eggs, so shake it up. Cold, hard-boiled eggs sliced into a sandwich with mustard and spread may give kids the spiciness they need. Don’t forget about taco seasoning. Sprinkling a bit into scrambled eggs can make a big difference! Red sauce, hot sauce or ketchup can add a little punch. Make it easier for kids to like eggs! Donate eggs to the local food bank.
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Topic - Plants Respond To Sound
Plants grow better with music. Now we know they can detect and interpret sounds. They can distinguish between a caterpillar chewing and the sounds that wind make. When they sense danger such as insect attacks, plants produce chemical toxins to make themselves less tasty. They also send out chemicals to other plants signaling danger. When plants hear bees buzzing around at a certain frequency, they suddenly release their pollen. We tend to underestimate the sensitivity of plants because we don’t see their responses to noise and other threats. Why am I telling you this information? Because children are more sensitive than plants. They pick up the sounds of violence and threat. They know so much more about what is going in your home than you’ll ever suspect and it hurts them. Be aware. Take action to make your home a peaceful, safe place for your kids and your plants.
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Topic - CSI Is Really Old News
Crime scene forensics became better known with the Crime Scene Investigation series in two thousand. But it’s an ancient science. As the story goes, in thirteenth century China, a field worker was killed with the same kind of sickle that everyone used. Who was the killer? The investigator asked all of the workers to lay down their sickles because he observed that blowflies seek out blood. Once the sickles were laid down, the investigator knew the identity of the killer. Forensic science is evolving at a very quick pace. In twenty-fifteen, a chemist discovered that the ridges on a fingerprint release an acid at a predictable rate which allows the police to determine when the prints were made. If they were made at the time of the crime, bingo, we’ve got new evidence! It’s an exciting and important field for your child to consider as a profession.
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Topic - Inheriting The Good With The Bad
Your intelligence, popularity, driving skills and color blindness come from your parents. So do your shortsightedness, desire for coffee, lactose intolerance, high cholesterol and vulnerability to diabetes. Not only do you inherit your skin, hair and eye color, and basic personality traits from your parents, they also pass on many health features to you. If you’re male, you get all of your smarts from your Mom; females get half of their intelligence from each parent. As for popularity, girls’ language skills and social nature enhance friendships and for boys, their visual spatial skills support their driving competence as well as risk taking behavior. So, if you’re a smart, popular, color-blind, lactose-intolerant, short-sighted diabetic bad driver with high cholesterol and a love of coffee, blame your parents.
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Topic - My Favorite Child
Parents are human. They “favorites” even when it comes to their kids. Parents will deny that they have favorites, but if you ask their kids, they all know who it is. Seventy five percent of parents have a favorite child. Most parents have “shifting favoritism” depending on family dynamics, the kid’s developmental period, the “condition” of parents and the challenges each kid brings to the family. Shifting favoritism creates a healthy competition between kids who are always vying for parents’ attention, but if favoritism is consistent, it’ll become a lasting part of the family’s culture causing lifelong damage to the “tolerated” child. A couple of things to note. The middle child is the least likely to be the favorite and the favored child is one who makes you feel the most successful as a parent. Be aware of your human preferences and find something to appreciate about your least favorite child and embrace it.
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Topic - Today’s Pot
Pediatricians are now warning that today’s marijuana isn’t the pot of days gone by. Why? Because new strains are being created, it’s much more potent and potentially risky now. It’s a problem for several reasons one of which is that kids are using it earlier and earlier and they’re using more frequently; twenty percent are frequent users. Nearly ten percent of kids first tried it before age thirteen. Kids between twelve and seventeen think it’s harmful and not a problem, but it is. The latest studies indicate that smoking pot times a month reduces memory and planning skills and if you start in the early teen years, your IQ drops. Early use more likely results in addiction in adulthood. Teenagers’ brains are vulnerable because they undergo significant changes in these years. Any toxin influences those brains in negative ways. Parents, delay your kid’s use for as long as possible. It’s not the pot of your youth.
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Topic - Don’t Eat The Placenta
A bizarre trend practiced by celebrities is spreading to the mainstream. No matter how popular it’s become, eating placenta isn’t recommended by the Centers for Disease Control. The CDC issued stern warnings not to cook and eat it or send it to a company to be cleaned, dehydrated, ground up and put into capsules. It isn’t safe or regulated. One baby became ill because the placenta capsules mother took were contaminated with bacteria. Yes, I know there’s a cookbook with twenty-five recipes for preparing it, but there’s absolutely no scientific evidence to suggest there’s any benefit, whatsoever, from eating placenta despite it being touted as easing post-partum depression. If you want to honor the sacred role the placenta played in your child’s life, dig a hole, put it in and plant a tree on top. In the same way it nurtured your child, it will help a tree to grow strong and beautiful.
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Topic - Female Drug Addicts Lose Maternal Instinct
Drugs crush a woman’s maternal instinct according to brain scans. Considering America’s opioid epidemic, this is huge. Mothers who use drugs have a weak emotional response to their babies’ smiling faces. Baby smiles, mother’s brain dumps dopamine which is the reward and satisfaction chemical, and the love match begins. This reward is the basis for and promotes the mother-infant attachment motivating mother to care for her infant even when she’s exhausted. When this system is shut down, the risk for abuse and neglect increases. Unintentionally, this risk may start in mothers who’ve had Cesarean deliveries because they’re typically overprescribed the number of opioid painkillers they need. More than twenty pills can set mother up for drug abuse and addiction. Be aware of this danger and provide support for the new mother in your life.
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Topic - Common Household Chemicals And Diseases In Men
Many containers and products including children’s toys, food packaging and medications have chemicals in them that effect men. In a study of fifteen hundred men, ninety-nine percent of them had a specific chemical, phthalate, in their urine. High levels of phthalate are associated with chronic conditions such as heart disease, type-2 diabetes and high blood pressure. Years ago, I read about a town in the US where the men were becoming infertile and developing female traits. As it turned out, they were eating vegetables from cans that were lined with a material containing chemicals that mimicked estrogen. Their blood had high levels of female hormones. It’s not just about the foods we actually eat, but how they’re packaged as well as the products we use to clean our homes that slowly erode our health. Educate yourselves about the products you’re using and how your food is packaged.
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Topic - Video Games Increase Size Of The Brain
Understanding how video games impact our brains just can’t keep up with the explosion of new technology. Every week, there’s a new study about babies, kids, teens, adults and the geriatric set using computers and the ways they’re changing our lives. Now, there’s a study suggesting that playing video games not only increases the efficiency of your brain, but actually makes it larger! They also have a positive impact on your ability to sustain your attention span. They improve your selective attention meaning that you actively focus on what you want to pay attention to. People who play video games for pleasure or competition show growth in the parts of the brain associated with visual spatial skills. While there are continuing concerns about the addictive quality of video games, we’re learning more about their benefits.
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Topic - What Your Eyes Don’t See, Your Heart Can’t Grieve After
In our family, my Dad was famous for quoting his mother. One of her sayings has stayed with me. She said, “What your eyes don’t see, your heart can’t grieve after”. I think this is the best reason not to watch television news. Research has shown over and over again that seeing those images, especially of the carnage of terrorist acts, create anxiety and posttraumatic stress symptoms in both children and adults. The adults need to be in charge. Turn off the television. If you want to learn about terrorist activity, search the internet or watch the news later at night. You cannot unsee disturbing events. You cannot unhear the screams of pain and fear. Children are fantastic observers but they are lousy at interpreting what they see. They don’t have the experience or judgment to understand the world. Who does? But, I know how to protect those little eyes from seeing the scariest stuff.
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Topic - Laughter Is Different From Humor
Laughter is different from humor. They’re related, but different. Laughter long pre-dates humor because modern humor has both cognitive and language elements. Primitive man used laughter as a way of diffusing stress and communicating friendly intentions. Modern man also uses it to elicit positive reactions from others. Laughter wasn’t studied until the nineteen nineties although humor has been analyzed for decades. Humor has a more subtle role. Humor’s primary job is to serve as a buffer to relieve physical stress. Those who understand the “in jokes” belong to the same group. They can identify one another by understanding those “in jokes”. It’s like a code that develops trust and encourages the group members to abide by the rules. Both laughter and humor are essential to a fun and healthy life.
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Topic - ADHD and Allergies
Is ADHD related to nasal allergies? The data is extensive, but conflicts at times. Some say they’re related a lot and others say, only a little. Those with ADHD have a higher chance of developing allergies than those who don’t. Apparently, the problem starts with “cross-talk” between the body’s immune system and its neurology. The role of inflammation is the primary culprit. When a person develops allergies, cytokines, which are part of the immune system, are triggered by inflammation. Cytokines interfere with the brain’s ability to think and to pay attention, making ADHD appear worse during times of high pollen. The researchers agree that treating ADHD with an appropriate medication along with treating the allergies goes a long way to improving cognition and performance. When both are treated, the chances for depression and anxiety are reduced.
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Topic - Bald Men More Masculine
What’s the most common concern among those thirty-five to fifty-five? Aging. And the most obvious sign of aging in men is baldness. The hair restoration industry is booming. But, a recent study says that bald men are seen as being more successful, bigger, stronger and more dominant than other men. Even though bald men are judged as being older, they’re also thought of as wiser and more intelligent. I’m wondering if Mr. Clean had anything to do with training us! Years ago, I was the school psychologist at an elementary school and our fabulous principal was bald. We gave him a coffee mug that said, “I don’t waste hormones on hair”. He loved it. He was wonderful. He was very wise, though not old and a true leader who gave his staff the freedom to do their jobs. He set a positive and healthy emotional tone at the school and it was a pleasure to work with him. Be bold. Be bald!
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Topic - Very Early Signs Of Autism
Typically, children are diagnosed with autism between the ages of two and three. But, there are signs from the early months of life. Several behaviors are common. If, by six months of age, baby isn’t making eye contact, smiling at you or laughing, take note. If by nine months, baby doesn’t follow your gaze when you look away or has begun to babble, these might be signs of autism. Get testing done by a speech and language therapist who works with young children and a child development specialist. The combination of these two professionals can help your child make progress even without a diagnosis of autism. By eighteen months, baby should be turning toward you when you call his name, wave bye-bye, use a dozen words, point to show interest and play pretend games. If not, baby’s future could be jeopardized if intense interventions are delayed.
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Topic - Blue Space Changes Your Brain
The beach is magical. As it turns out, it’s healthy. The sounds of the waves and the fresh smells of the ocean, known as “blue space”, create a sense of peace and tranquility in your brain. It’s quite hypnotic. Your brain reacts to blue space in such a way that makes you happy, relaxed and re-energized. The naturally occurring ions relax you even if you don’t go in the water. Blue space gives you the chance to clear your mind and allows you to tune out and reflect on the things you’ve needed to focus on. The combination of sights and smells creates a sense of well-being which reduces depression. Getting away from the chaos of daily life also chases away the anxiety that contributes to depression. When you go to the beach, you not only see different things, but your perspective changes. Go to the beach, splash in the water, calm your mind and heal your soul.
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Topic - Adults Use Less Pot Once They Become Parents
Adults who smoke pot tend to cut back once they become parents, but they don’t stop completely. Not only does any kind of smoking contribute to Sudden Infant Death, but when parents smoke pot, their kids, too. This is a problem because teenage use of marijuana can be harmful to their cognitive development, memory skills, attention span and coordination. All of these skills are important for academics and work life. People who started using marijuana at a young age were much more likely to continue using into their mid-to-late thirties even if they became parents, especially if their partner also smokes pot. Treatment and intervention need to be a family effort. At the very least, parents should avoid marijuana when their children are around in order to keep the kids from modeling those choices.
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Topic - Not Sleeping Away From Home
Why is it that I can’t sleep soundly when I am away from home? It’s a brain thing, of course! When you sleep in a new place, part of your brain’s left hemisphere stands guard while the rest of the brain sleeps deeply. Researchers had a hunch based on the fact that some marine mammals and birds sleep with half a brain at a time. Ever had a sleep study? Well, people usually take longer to fall asleep, if they ever do, because the conditions are really strange. But, if you stayed another night, you might actually fall asleep. The vigilant left hemisphere slides into its default mode network which is a collection of nerve cells that become active when the brain isn’t doing anything in particular. Staying safe while sleeping requires keeping one eye on your surroundings. Ta da! Another mystery of life solved.
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Topic - Social Jet Lag
Social jet lag. That’s the difference in time when you both go to bed and wake up later on the weekends. Turns out, your body doesn’t like shifting gears that fast. Social jet lag causes overall poor health, irritable mood and lethargy. And what’s worse is that for every hour of sleep thrown off by this jet lag, the chances of having heart disease increase by a whopping eleven percent! Sleep regularity, not just duration, has a significant role in our health. It’s strongly recommended that adults should sleep at least seven hours a night and not play catch up. While sleep debt can be paid, so to speak, there’s still a price to pay. That price includes insomnia, fatigue, sleepiness and heart disease. These conditions and diseases will hit you when you’re in the prime of your life and your responsibilities are intense. If you want to be healthy for the long haul, pace yourself.
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Topic - Feeling Lonely Worsens Your Cold
If you feel lonely, you’ll have more trouble tolerating the misery of a common cold or the flu. Those who are nurtured by family and friends don’t feel as bad as those who are on their own. We’ve known for a while that loneliness leads to early death and a host of physical illnesses, but what about those temporary episodes? When people were studied after being infected with a cold virus using nasal drops, the ones who had a caring social network scored lower on rating scales that measured their symptoms. Having a supportive network doesn’t keep you from getting a cold or impact your ability to recover from it, but if you’re lonely, you’re likely to suffer worse symptoms. It may be the case that being ill heightens the feelings of vulnerability, being left out or not having strong social bonds. Doctors need to ask about friends and family when seeing patients so that symptoms don’t escalate into a truly threatening disease.
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Topic - Playground Sandboxes
have discovered that the sandy areas and sandboxes in playgrounds are likely to contain serious bacteria including Clostridium difficile also known as C. diff. It causes severe inflammation of the colon accompanied by serious diarrhea. It’s common and is found in all environments including most people’s intestines. It’s when you’re being treated by antibiotics that C. diff can cause problems. If you’re young, old or have a compromised immune system, C. diff can be a threat. It can be fatal. Those with chronic C. diff undergo fecal transplants in order to recover. Don’t keep Sam out of the playground, just make sure he cleans up well after playing. Educate yourself about the symptoms so that if he starts to experience discomfort, you’ll be able to intervene right away. Early intervention, as always, is best.
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Topic - Monday Heart Attacks
Can a day of the week have an impact on our health? Yes. More heart attacks and strokes happen on Mondays than on any other day of the week. The fewest take place over the weekends. Seasons also play a role. Heart attacks occur more in the winter than summer. The stress of work and social demands trigger these events. Hostile co-workers, demanding bosses, traffic, and job insecurity are factors. Financial stress and family problems increase the flow of stress hormones setting us up for problems. My office was on a very busy thoroughfare and the screeching ambulance sirens on Monday mornings made it impossible to test. This wasn’t a problem on holiday Mondays. Learn the signs of heart attack and stroke. Usually, there are years’ worth of these signs before the actual event. Start with the small things in life you can control and improve your health.
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Topic - The “Tweenager”
Ah, the tweenager. These are kids between the ages of eight and twelve. Puberty isn’t obvious just by looking at them, but changes are in full swing inside their bodies and we must re-tool our parenting skills to match these changes. First, know that their brains are changing. It’s growing and making connections with other parts of the brain, so it’s busy and it’s tired and irritable. Second, it’s time to stop directing them and telling them what to do and where to go every minute. Give them a wider berth. You’ll know it’s time to change when “suddenly”, they’re not your sweet little kids anymore. Girls will be dramatic and overreact. Boys may become openly defiant or simply ignore you and withdraw. Before you speak to them, stop for a nano-second and change your approach. Ask them what they’d like to do, take a rest and do some homework or go buy shoes. Use cooperative language. See the articles about teen development at doctor claudia dot net.
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Topic - Humans Hardwired To Tilt Heads Right For Kissing
Why do most of us tilt our heads to the right in anticipation of a kiss? Researchers did a study in Bangladesh to determine the most natural way to kiss. Bangladeshis aren’t allowed to see kissing in movies or on television, so they’re not influenced by other societies. As it turns out, two-thirds of couples there turned their heads to the right both when initiating and receiving a kiss. Since most people are right-handed, this tilt makes sense. Head turning is one of the earliest preferences in development and babies in the womb will turn their heads to the right before favoring their right hand or foot. The head turning dynamic may be a holdover from the womb called biological conditioning, but it’s actually more of a preference. I’m thinking it’s a preference based on our behavior in the womb, but that’s just me.
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Topic - Forest Bathing
Shinrin-yoku, or forest bathing, is not what it sounds like. It’s actually the term used by the Japanese to describe a mindful walk in the woods to help people connect with nature. It’s proven to have significant health benefits such as lowering heart rate, blood pressure and stress hormones. It’s become part of their national health program since nineteen eighty two. The government certifies trails based on their beneficial properties. In America, forest bathing clubs and luxury spas offering eco-therapy are popping up. Formal training programs to certify guides for the forest bathing experience are underway all over the world. But, you don’t need a forest. You can take the same approach in the desert or at the beach. In fact, doctors are writing “park prescriptions” to get people to unplug from the digital world and simply wander about at their local parks. Get out there!
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Topic - Managing Infants’ Pain
Will Rogers said, “The best doctor in the world is the veterinarian. He can’t ask his patient what is the matter-he’s got to just know”. This is also true of pediatricians and us parents! It’s heart breaking when little Jeff screams in pain and we can’t help him. We still don’t have answers for babies who suffer terribly from colic. This misery can interfere with the bonding process. It’s hard to feel close to a baby who’s in distress that you can’t help. The next big pain-related challenge is teething and that’s a bit easier because babies tell us. They begin to drool excessively and chew on their fingers. We can do something to relieve those painful gums! Now, doctors can tell if infants are truly in pain or if they’re hungry, frustrated or just want to cuddle. Electrodes are placed near the soft spot on the skull. It’s painless. While this is a good first step, we need to do better treating infants’ pain.
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Topic - Short Naps Make You Happy
Robert Fulghum, who wrote the book, All I Really Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarten, is correct, at least when it comes to naps. Studies revealed that not only do naps of thirty minutes or less boost energy levels and increase creativity, they also make you happier. In the afternoon, between one and two-thirty, our body temperature dips which is the signal for sleep. Obviously, if you try to power through this, you’re going to be cranky. If you nap for longer than an hour, you enter a period of deeper sleep which is interrupted and you wake up feeling groggy, disoriented and even sleepier than before. Naps of an hour’s length also contribute to diabetes. But, a nap of thirty minutes or less can get you through the temperature dip and reset you for an afternoon of productivity and a positive attitude. I’m hoping corporate executives offer a nap room with cots, low lights and blankets. Are you smiling?
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Topic - Kids Who Lie Have Higher Alcohol Risk
Children who lie to their parents or withhold information are more likely to start drinking alcohol at a younger age. Alcoholism is known to start during the middle school years. Teens with an honest, supportive relationship with their parents aren’t as likely to experiment with alcohol early on. This isn’t the only factor in the alcoholic equation. Having friends who drink, especially if they’re boys, and families with a gene pool vulnerable to alcoholism also increase the risk. Adolescence is a time to develop independence and when kids don’t have a trusting relationship with their parents, they may see drinking and lying as a way to be independent, or to be an adult. Helicopter parents, beware. If you suffocate your child, they’re more likely to lie than those kids whose Moms and Dads loosen their grip and mentor their children as they make their way in the world.
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Topic - Antidepressants Can Create New Brain Cells
Tamoxifen treats metastatic breast cancer, but is also being used to treat bipolar disorder. Thalidomide, used in the fifties to treat morning sickness, caused devastating birth defects, but today is used to treat multiple myeloma, a bone marrow cancer. Medications used to treat schizophrenia are now curing tuberculosis and treating aspects of Parkinson’s disease. The trend is for doctors to consider repurposing medications to treat diseases with a common thread. The same goes for the antidepressant, clozapine, which has been discovered to help new brain cells grow. This is important because stress damages the growth of brain cells. If clozapine can reduce symptoms of depression and help brain cells grow, perhaps the symptoms won’t return. Also, clozapine is being considered to treat degenerative diseases of the brain such as Alzheimer’s. I love science!
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Topic - No Kissing For Newborn Babies
There’s yet another sad story about a newborn fighting for life. She contracted an illness from someone who kissed her on the mouth in her first days of life. Whoever kissed her had the cold sore virus, herpes simplex. That kiss led to meningitis. Baby was placed on life support when her organs began to fail. There’s no reason to ever kiss a child on their lips, babies especially, since their immune systems are fragile. Even if a person has no symptoms, virus can be active in saliva. Not only can meningitis be spread, but also encephalitis, brain, lung, skin and liver diseases, and eye sores. People should ask to hold your child and they should wash their hands before picking them up. If your baby or child shows signs of a cold sore, call your pediatrician. Don’t worry about offending anyone. Too bad they’re mad. You can’t live with the consequences.
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Topic - Infant CPR Training
It’s incredibly important to know CPR, cardiopulmonary resuscitation, if Sally has a choking incident or a near drowning event. Actually, I encourage you to take a first aid class along with a CPR class if it’s offered. There’s a reason we have pediatricians. Caring for babies and children is very different from the treatments for teens, adults and elderly. CPR techniques for teens could cause serious damage to a baby. In emergency rooms, I’ve seen packages of life-saving tools marked “for pediatric use only”. Kids are small and so is the equipment used to treat them. Medications used for adults could cause lasting damage to a baby or toddler. It’s not just a matter of making things smaller, it’s knowing exactly what to do. Professionals can give you the benefit of their knowledge and experience. Be prepared. You can’t live with the consequences.
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Topic - Insufficient Sleep Ages Kids
We already know that not getting enough sleep contributes to serious health problems, but it also causes your cells to age faster, especially if you’re a child. A study of nearly two thousand American kids indicated that their sleeping habits are leading to disturbing levels of cellular aging resulting in heart disease, neurological disorders, cancer and psychological problems later in life. Children should be sleeping at least nine hours a night, ten to eleven is preferable. The more they sleep, the healthier they are unlike adults who have problems with thinking when they get too much sleep. When anyone of any age sleeps, the brain cleans itself of debris and proteins as well as dying or dead cells making it work more efficiently and able to fight off disease. If your child isn’t sleeping enough, find out why and intervene. Help them have a long and healthy life.
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Topic - Bacteria In Coughs Hang Around
You do everything you can. You use antibacterial gel on your hands. You keep your hands away from your eyes, ears, nose and mouth. You don’t put stuff in your mouth. You stay away from anyone who appears to be sick. But, you get the flu or a bad cold anyway. Why oh why? It’s because many virus and bacterial species, once sneezed or coughed out of someone’s body, have a half-life of ten minutes, but can still hang around and infect you for a whopping forty-five minutes. You think you’re home free, but then, you unwittingly walk through a cloud of droplets with bacteria and you’re done for. You can’t protect yourself against every bug. All you really have control over is your diet, exercise, sleep and general life outlook. Avoid smoking, excessive alcohol and obviously, illegal drugs. If you do get sick, stay home and rest until you’re better. Don’t spread it around.
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Topic - Some Old Wives’ Tales Are True!
An apple a day keeps the doctor away and eating chicken soup when you’re sick are thought to be old wives’ tales, but science backs them up. Apples keep your blood and bones healthy and fight off cancer, heart disease and diabetes. Chicken soup is appealing because it’s comforting, but chicken soup actually thins mucus and moves it out and bone broths, in general, reduce inflammation. And, what about the tale that cautions against having ice cream before bed because it can give you nightmares? Sad, but true. Sugary or caffeinated treats before bed cause a shift in metabolism which turns on a lot of signals in your body, especially your brain. This increase in activity can lead to more vivid dreams. Yikes! Finally, fish is brain food. Fish are rich in omega-3 fatty acids that restore and strengthen brain cells and help them fight off diseases. I guess the old girls were right!
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Topic - Laughter and Society
People laugh when they’re interacting with each other. It’s contagious. Even if something is really funny, we don’t laugh when we’re alone. We’ll talk out loud to ourselves and smile, but we won’t laugh. In fact, we laugh thirty times more together than alone. That tells us the bonding power of laughter. Humans rely on cooperation to achieve shared goals and to survive. Laughter helps to reduce tension and increase cohesiveness. Having a sense of humor is an excellent coping strategy. Women prefer men with a good sense of humor because it suggests they’re intelligent and compatible. However, in order for a couple to be in sync, they must agree on the kind and quality of humor they enjoy. If he’s a prankster, she may see him as juvenile. If she likes dark humor, he may question her judgment. Humor in a relationship is important. Pay attention to this element and make sure you’re a good fit.
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Topic - Bedwetting
Bedwetting is a serious issue for kids. If they haven’t mastered staying dry through the night, their self-esteem takes a serious hit. I spoke with a pediatric gastroenterologist regarding a client we shared and expressed my confusion over bedwetting. She said that few pediatricians understand the role of chronic constipation in bedwetting, so they tell parents to be patient and use pulls up and the like, but that’s not good advice. Instead, chronic constipation, a condition that pediatricians tend to undertreat, needs to be managed with enemas because fiber products don’t work well. If a child isn’t trained by age four, take action because if they’re not dry by age eleven, they’re likely to still be wetting the bed as adults. If your child is struggling, consult with a pediatric gastroenterologist, otherwise, your child could face lifelong social and physical consequences.
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Topic - The Gut-Brain Connection
There’s a world of bacteria living in your digestive tract which impacts the areas of the brain responsible for mood and general behavior. Two gut bacteria have profound effects on the brain. One is common in brains where there’s a lot of activity between the emotional and attentional regions, but the areas related to balancing those emotions and using memory were less active. This kind of brain has intense emotions. The other bacteria are mostly seen in those regions responsible for problem-solving and regulating emotions. These areas are larger and the brains aren’t as emotional. So, not only do gut bacteria influence our mood and ability to think, they also change the physical structure of the brain. If you struggle with a mood disorder such as depression or anxiety, talk with your doctor about improving your gut health.
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Topic - Writing About Divorce Eases The Pain
Getting a divorce? You’re twenty percent more likely to suffer from heart disease, diabetes or cancer than people who aren’t divorcing, not to mention the toll it takes on your mental health. Try “narrative expressive writing” which is a form of writing that results in a lower heart rate, but an increase in heart rate variability which tells us how well the body is handling those powerful emotions and ongoing stress. Narrative expressive writing avoids the mindless, rageful venting of feelings for the sake of self-indulgence, but actually requires the writer to think about what the events mean for both their current and future lives. Just twenty minutes of writing over the course of three days is enough to show improvement in heart functioning. Take the time to process these powerful events through writing. Your health and well-being just might depend on it.
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Topic - Cows’ Milk And Taller Kids
With the introduction of almond and soy milk, not as many kids are drinking cow’s milk as before. After evaluating over five thousand kids ages two to six, researchers found that, for each serving of milk consumed a day that wasn’t from a cow, the child was four-tenths of a centimeter shorter than average for their age. Those who drank cow’s milk were two-tenths of a centimeter taller than average. The more the child drank cow’s milk, the taller they grew. Cow’s milk has robust levels of protein and fat, allowing kids to reach their maximum height. The nutritional content of cow’s milk in the US and Canada is regulated, but other types of milk aren’t. Two cups of cow’s milk has one hundred percent of a three year old’s recommended protein and two cups of almond milk has only a quarter of the recommended protein. Be careful when making decisions about milk for your child.
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Topic - Allergies And Suicide
For several decades, researchers found that, during spring and summer when pollen was high, suicides were double for young females and were four-fold for older women. Aggression and mood disturbances were also seen. The researchers concluded that cytokines, which are part of the immune system, are released by inflammation caused by allergies. The cytokines make their way up the nasal passages and into the brain disrupting its delicate chemical soup. Some cells even go crazy and become serial killers, destroying healthy brain tissue which may lead to impulsivity and anger. The brains of those who commit suicide had high levels of cytokines. Poor sleep, a high misery index and no relief in sight might push some people to behave impulsively and hurt themselves. Doctors should check the mental health of those being treated for allergies. Take allergies seriously.
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Topic - Toddler’s Screen Time Linked To Speech Delay
The more time children under the age of two years spend on digital devices, the more likely they are to develop language processing disorders. Considering that twenty percent of toddlers use handheld screens for an average of thirty minutes a day, it’s time for caution. With every half hour of use, the potential for an expressive language delay increases by fifty percent. This means that kids don’t develop the vocabulary or overall language skills they need to express their ideas, knowledge, opinions and what they want. It leads to frustration and definitely affects their school performance. Additionally, kids ages 6 months to 3 years who spent time using mobile touch screen devices got less sleep at night. These results also apply to older kids. Don’t take chances. No screens before eighteen months old!
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Topic - Cleaning Your Brain House
And yet another reason to get enough sleep is because your brain needs to do its housework. That’s right. When you go to sleep, your brain cells, or neurons, shrink up and the clear fluid that runs up and down your spine and in and out of your brain flows faster around those brain cells and cleans out all the debris you’ve built up during the day. Why should you care? Because if you don’t clean out the beta amyloid, it will collect just like dust bunnies and you’ll come down with Alzheimer’s. Plus, when you’re sleep-deprived, the production of beta amyloid increases, making the situation worse. Finally, there are two different kinds of cells that eat up dying neurons. When you don’t sleep, they turn into serial killers and end up eating the living neurons and the dying. These clean-up cells are also involved in Alzheimer’s and other diseases that cause deterioration of the brain. Now, shut down the computer and go to bed!
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Topic - Pregnancy Cravings?
Wives tales about predicting your baby’s gender from the foods you crave aren’t supported by science. But, they’re supported by experience and observation. Crave salty? You’re having a boy. Crave sweet? You’re having a girl. One day, I walked in the door after work and ate a half a brick of cream cheese and drank nearly a bottle of olive juice. I had no idea I was pregnant and yes, I had a boy. Doctors aren’t usually concerned about cravings unless they’re the only foods you eat or if you gain a lot of weight. High hormone levels may change our sense of taste and smell which lead to foods smelling or tasting offensive or fabulous. If your cravings are overtaking you or you start to eat non-food items such as dirt or clay, laundry starch, or crayons, be honest with your doctor. She’s heard it all. Your job is to protect your baby.
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Topic - For The First Time In History
For the first time in history, kids are more competent with a major life skill than their parents. It’s our responsibility to teach our kids as much as we can. We teach them the “curriculum of adulthood”. In school, they’re not taught how to pay bills, call the plumber or talk to a mechanics. Because their brains aren’t mature, their judgment isn’t consistent with their intelligence. But now, they’re masters of the most powerful technology known to man. They’ve left us in the dust. We’re really far behind and struggling to catch up. Kids’ brains synchronize with both computer hardware and software. The whole process is intuitive to them, but not to us. They’re in control of all things digital and now, we seek them out for help, a lot. Be proactive. Take classes to enhance your skills. Broaden your horizons. Be bold.
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Topic - Laughter’s Role In Teaching/Learning
Remember those really great teachers who masterfully taught with just the right touch of humor? If a teacher uses comedy to complement, but not distract from the material, they’re effective. If they use amusing anecdotes and jokes to reduce anxiety and boost participation, their students will be more focused. If they include humorous items on tests, they’ll relieve tension and likely see an improved performance. A witty teacher is seen as a competent communicator who’s more responsive to students’ needs than a humorless teacher. To be effective, the humor must be appropriate, brighten the mood and make the information memorable. Humor must also be in tune with the students’ knowledge and if it doesn’t improve the classroom environment and fails to reduce their anxiety, then the learning process is likely to be negatively impacted. Let’s hear it for the funny, great teachers!
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Topic - Feeding Your Kids Small Bits
Adults’ perceptions are very different from children’s. We see a dollop of mashed potatoes, they see a mountain. Picky eaters have even more discriminating perceptions. Two slices of banana is about all some kids can manage. Using an ice cube tray, drop one or two bits of the things they like into the compartments along with some of the things you’d like them to try. If they’re not stressed about being forced to eat, they’re more likely to explore. Add “dippings” such as ketchup, peanut butter, honey or whatever they like. The idea is to get them to explore without overwhelming them. Leave some compartments empty in case they need to spit out the things they don’t want. The goal is to reduce their anxiety about food. If you don’t have to battle with them, they’ll trust you when it comes to food and both of you will benefit. Their willingness to try different foods will grow along with them.
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Topic - Failure of Imagination
Have you ever heard yourself say, “I didn’t consider that”? What’s actually happening here is that you don’t know what you don’t know. It’s a failure of imagination. You couldn’t imagine it, so you couldn’t consider it. The greatest mysteries have been solved by people whose imaginations led them to ask questions that no one else did. Einstein, for example, was educated at a time when experts were never to be questioned. He dared to question. One of his most famous quotes is “Imagination is more important than knowledge. For knowledge is limited, whereas imagination embraces the entire world, stimulating progress, giving birth to evolution”. I suppose this is one of the reasons why he recommended that parents read fairy tales to their children. Fairy tales give kids permission to use their imaginations and if they were encouraged to imagine, they were likely to strengthen their “questioning muscles”!
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Topic - Being A Catcher’s Mitt
Are you a catcher’s mitt? Are you the person others seek out when they’re upset, afraid, and overwhelmed only to later be told to “mind your own business”? Being a catcher’s mitt can be exhausting and at times, it’s necessary to walk off the field, so to speak, especially if there are one or two people who consistently behave like this, soaking up your emotional resources and interfering in your relationships with others. It’s not necessary to break off the relationship if there are positive features you value about them. Slowly train them by making yourself unavailable to comfort them or listen to their tales of woe. Should they ask you why you’re “not around anymore”, a vague statement that you’re “really busy” with work or such might suffice, but they also might be people who need to hear this statement a lot of times before moving on to someone else. Don’t be a catcher’s mitt. It’s not healthy.
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Topic - I’m a PUC
Most of us are people under construction. We have a wide variety of strengths and weaknesses, skills, illnesses, responsibilities, experiences, and expectations of ourselves and others. Many times, when we interact with people, we make assumptions that they’re like us, but that’s a mistake and can lead to misunderstandings, hurt feelings and damaged relationships. Even when we encounter people we know well, do a quick check in your mind to consider that the circumstances of their lives may have changed. Is someone they love ill? Is their job in danger? Do they have a new boss who’s difficult? What could be going on that would change your typical encounter? The bottom line is that whenever we engage people, judgment should be suspended because we just don’t know “what” is going with them. Be careful about your conclusions. Give them a wide berth and maybe a second chance.
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Topic - Good Rhythm And Advanced Grammar Skills
Wow! A recent study tells us that young kids who can determine if simple and complex musical rhythms were the same or different also had better grammar skills than students who struggled with identifying the rhythms. One of the fundamental strategies with getting kids to read fluently is to teach them word families. Word families are those similar and usually rhyming words such as cat, hat and fat. Once kids master word families, many different books are available to them, most notably, the Dr. Seuss series where word families and rhyming are extensively employed and the silliness of the words and the stories offer high levels of fun. Introducing your child to music early in their lives is critical to developing prosody which is the rhythm, stress and intonation of language. I DO NOT DO NOT recommend putting speakers on your belly or inserting items to get music closer to your baby.
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Topic - Sexting As A Precursor To Sexual Behavior
This just makes sense, doesn’t it? Sexting leads to sexual behavior. One thousand teens completed a survey that detailed their sexting history and sexual behavior for six years. Teenagers who sexted were more sexually active the next year than those teens who didn’t. These results were predicted because of shaping. Shaping is a way to train people or animals by rewarding small steps toward a goal until that goal is reached. Practice is also at work here. When behavior is repeated, it becomes normalized, so it’s easier to act out, in person, the behavior that’s been practiced verbally. Teach your teens about how shaping and practice impact their lives. When teaching them, use meaningful examples so that they really understand. Review the concepts from time-to-time in order to reinforce your values and expectations.
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Topic - Kids See a Scam Artist
This is amazing. Kids who are five years old, after being shown a short video, could tell which speakers were making exaggerated statements. So, here’s how it went. Speakers made true statements about an animal, but they spoke in a hesitant voice. Then, they made false statements in a confident voice. Kids who were five could tell the difference and they believed the speakers who were shakey, but spoke the truth over those who were strong, but were lying. Kids who were 4 years old at the time of the study, believed both sets of adults. In only a year, children learned to detect liars even when the speaker was strong and confident in their message. The kids were not swayed by the theatrics, but by the message. It would be great if they could just hold onto this clarity of thought and ability to judge the message by the content instead of the actors.
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Topic - Your Life’s Work
Think you know what you want to do for your life’s work? What do you actually know about the job you’re chasing? Will you like it or regret it? You can “audition” jobs by volunteering at the places you might be working. You might be emptying the trash or going for coffee, but you’ll see the day-to-day job, up close and personal, and it might be really different from what you’ve been told. Talking with the employees will give you a feel for what they like and don’t like about the job and what they might have done differently. You might learn about related fields that could be a better fit. Go online and check out the Dictionary of Occupational Titles and the Occupational Outlook Handbook. The Dictionary will tell you about the job and the Handbook will tell you about the future of the job. You’re likely to have 6-7 related jobs in your career. As Dr. Seuss says, “Oh the places you will go!”
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Topic - K-9 Drug Search Teams
Out of desperation, a Kentucky family hired a company with drug-sniffing dogs to do a search of their home. They suspected their teenage son was using marijuana. After a brief search, the dog found 4 grams of heroin in a tube sock. That’s about a teaspoon. Considering the heroin epidemic and number of deaths among teenagers and young adults, they just may have saved his life. Whereas I can see both sides of not taking such measures, nature primes us parents to protect the lives of our children and it’s a survival imperative. If you’re concerned about your kids’ potential drug use and you’re at the point where you believe a search is necessary, follow the steps in the article on doctor claudia dot net titled “Would you do this? Oh, I think you would”. Just ask yourself, “Can I live with the consequences?” You don’t get a second chance if your child is lost to drugs.
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Topic - Valedictorians
Think that the kid who finished first in high school finished in the money? Nope. Listen to this. Of the ninety-five percent of valedictorians who went to college, their grade point average was three point six and only sixty percent got a graduate degree. Well into their careers, ninety percent were working in a profession, but only forty percent had high level jobs and were earning a substantial income. What does this tell us? It tells us that the behaviors that make you a successful student may not be a match for changing the world or making a million bucks. Academic grades don’t measure intelligence as much as they measure self-discipline, conscientiousness and following the rules. The real world of work requires passion and a personal definition of success. When you’re in school, you’re a generalist who knows a little about a lot. In the workplace, you’re a specialist and that makes all the difference. Encourage kids to follow their dream.
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Topic - Benefits Of A Standing Or Walking Desk
Sitting at a desk all day long is dangerous to our health. Standing desks and those that allow you to walk on a treadmill have been developed to boost productivity and reduce stress. If workers can alternate between sitting, standing or walking, they’re more productive. If the goal is to lower stress, the treadmill desk is the best bet. However, the sit-stand desk produces stronger levels of brain activity in workers than those walking on a treadmill. Activity-promoting desks help workers to focus on urgent tasks and manage tension better than people sitting for hours on end. Businesses are evolving slowly and adopting this idea of workers moving about, but schools have yet to catch on. If I recommended a standing desk for a student, the staff groaned. They couldn’t imagine kids moving and learning. Make sure that kids’ movement needs are met at school and home.
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Topic - Shoe Goo
Once you hear this, you’ll take off your shoes every time you step foot inside your home. Several studies show an average of four hundred twenty one thousand bacteria is on shoes. The goo includes fecal material, E. coli and bacteria that cause pneumonia, other respiratory diseases and urinary tract infections. C. difficile which causes such severe and chronic diarrhea that many times, fecal transplants are necessary, has been found on thirty nine percent of shoes. Toxins from asphalts, lawn products, and cars, coupled with bacteria from bird droppings and dog feces stay on your shoes even if you wipe them or walk a few miles. There are two million bacteria on every square inch of a public bathroom floor and only fifty per square inch on an average toilet seat. Wash your shoes when possible and disinfect your floors. It’s the best you can do.
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Topic - Dangers of IVF
Some women are delaying motherhood, some are infertile, and, some will be undergoing treatment for serious diseases and are freezing their eggs in order to have children later. As a result, more and more women are using in-vitro fertilization to conceive, but there are risks. Studies involving eight million children indicated that in-vitro fertilization and other assisted reproductive technologies are associated with a higher rate of autism, Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder, cerebral palsy and genetic disorders. It’s not the case that IVF causes these problems, only that they occur together. Still, it’s important to do your research and have a frank conversation with your doctor about your concerns. Talk to your doctor, as well, about the role that having twins or triplets may play in increasing the risk of autism, language processing disorders and intellectual disabilities.
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Topic - Guidelines For Home Remedies
Home remedies. Most of them are common sense attempts to comfort our sick kids. Think salt water gargle, tea and honey. What are the home remedy guidelines? You can treat basic colds, minor fevers, cuts, scrapes, bruises and occasional diarrhea at home. If several of these occur together, see a doctor. Get help when your kid has a fever for five days or more, has a severe headache or vomiting and refuses to drink. Any child who is having trouble breathing or an infant younger than three months has a fever of a hundred needs medical help now. Make sure you know how to take a temperature correctly and understand the dosages of common medications like Tylenol for children. Consider calling a hospital “warm line” with professionals who can answer your questions. If there’s no improvement in one to two days, call the pediatrician.
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Topic - Laughter’s Biology
Behavior that’s important is usually wired into the brain which also means that its origins are ancient. Such is the case with laughter. It’s wired into the reward circuit of the brain. We know that different types of humor “tickle” different parts of the brain and that different kinds of laughter have their own meaning. “Voiced” laughter has a sing-song quality to it that’s familiar and meaningful whereas “unvoiced” laughter is more of a noise. A chuckle, giggle and chortle are voiced and feel more musical than the snort which is a noise and difficult to interpret. Laughter is a universally human trait that allows us to bond together and work more cooperatively. It also reduces tension by lowering blood pressure and reducing stress hormones. Laughter, like a good cry, causes positive physical changes that make us feel relaxed. So, go ahead, have a good laugh or a good cry. They’ll both do you good.
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Topic - Dry Drowning
People can drown without having any water in their lungs. Why is that? Because when the person begins to drown, there is an initial gasp. In response, the larynx which is part of the air passage, spasms and closes involuntarily preventing both air and water from entering the lungs. Low levels of oxygen in the blood very quickly cause a systematic shut down of organs. Victims frequently vomit and the contents enter the lungs. Within three minutes, the brain begins to swell causing the heart to beat irregularly usually causing a heart attack. Brain swelling and heart problems are the number one reason why they can’t be revived after rescue. Because the victims arrive at the hospital with so many system failures, they require very intensive intervention by a wide variety of specialists. The amount of time spent underwater is a predictor of recovery. More than ten minutes typically ends in death. Keep your kids close to you in the water.
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Topic - No More Early College Classes
A recent study in both the US and Britain found that both high school and college students learn best in classes held in the later afternoon and evening. Scientists analyzed the sleep patterns of many students of different ages and found that teens have a biologically natural day that starts about two hours later than adults. When it comes to our top performance, no single time frame fits everybody. What is your chronotype? As the word suggests, it’s the time of day during which you’re the most cognitively alert and active. Those of us who are at our best in the evening outnumber, two to one, those who peak in the morning. Have a kid who’s an early riser and drives you crazy with their activity level, but at night, they slow down while you’re revving up? Uh oh. This poor “goodness of fit” between activity levels could lead to skirmishes. Be aware of the differences and adjust yourself accordingly.
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Topic - Melatonin
Melatonin is a powerful hormone that’s taken by two million American adults and five hundred thousand kids, yet it’s not regulated by the FDA. Many countries require a prescription, but not the US. The pros and cons seem to be about even, but research is limited and you have to ask yourself, “Can I live with the consequences?” It can disrupt conception, menstrual cycles and normal hormonal development, can lower body temperature leading to a wide variety of problems and worsen depression in dementia. While it can get you to doze off, you’re likely to have poor quality sleep. The positives include treating seasonal affective disorder, acting as an antidepressant, reducing ear ringing, improving sleep in those with Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder and protecting a sick or injured brain by reducing swelling. Consult with your doctor. Melatonin products vary greatly. Dosage and timing are critical.
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Topic - Healthy Gut, Healthy Everything Else
Your gut influences the majority of your health including your immune system, metabolism and heart functioning. We also know that it plays a huge role in mental health. When you’re under stress, the bacteria in the gut changes and you feel sick to your stomach. There are two periods, before birth and during the teen years, when the bacteria in your gut basically sets the switch for stress. We’ve wondered why many psychiatric disorders first appear in adolescence and the gut may be the answer. In the teen years, the brain changes the way that parts connect to each other. During this period, the brain is vulnerable to the effects of antibiotics because it disturbs the bacteria balance in the gut. If your teen’s emotional health deteriorates after an infection, talk with your doctor about using probiotic treatments to regain gut health.
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Topic - Long Reach Of Popularity
Popularity. Ugh. High school. But, there are two types of popularity. Which one should we pursue, likability or status? Likability starts in early childhood and includes helping others, being a supportive leader and pursuing harmony. Later, in adolescence, status becomes the goal. Why then? Because the teen brain craves attention and visibility and status satisfies the reward centers of the brain. Those popular kids, well, they’re prone to risky behavior and relationship problems through young adulthood. They never stop looking for the popularity they enjoyed in high school. They didn’t develop those likability traits that will benefit them throughout their lives. As a result, their competitiveness and attention-seeking behaviors result in unhealthier and unhappier lives and likely, a shorter life span. Search for balance between likability and status. Help your kids to understand the difference.
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Topic - Does This Make Me Look Fat?
Doctors have a definition of obesity based on age, height, weight and gender, but in the real world, our guidelines are different. We see each other in terms of obesity based on race, gender and the generation we grew up in. A twenty year study revealed some of the changes we’ve made in our attitudes toward weight. For white men, having an average body mass index predicts success. Guys who are too fat or thin are scrutinized. At the beginning and the end of the study, white women associated being thin with being married and wealthy. For black women, at the beginning of the study, they valued being thin, but at the end, they accepted larger bodies and no longer felt that weight and marriage prospects were related. An unexpected finding for researchers was that white women are financially penalized for their looks. Have your attitudes about weight changed?
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Topic - Facebook Depression
We’re more connected to the world than ever before, but we don’t feel closer to others. Researchers at Yale University and UC San Diego proved that our feelings of health and happiness could be related to Facebook use and it’s not good. The more we logged onto Facebook, the worse we felt. They found that the amount of time spent on Facebook was tightly linked to compromised social, physical and psychological health. An average level of use isn’t a problem, but for every level above average, the risk of mental illness increases significantly. Other studies have also proven that social media goes hand-in-hand with feelings of isolation and anxiety. There are many other factors that likely impacted these results, but the reality is that what people really need is other people with real interactions and relationships. Keep a close watch on mental health and social media in your family.
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Topic - What To Believe About Breast Cancer Risks
We just don’t know what to believe about the research regarding breast cancer risks. However, a new and extensive study including both pre- and post-menopausal women confidently reports that three factors lower the risk. Being physically active, maintaining a healthy weight throughout your life and limiting alcohol. It’s a tall order, but if breast cancer runs in your family, these are areas where you can “control the controllable”. Alcohol consumption in post-menopausal women poses a greater risk than for the pre-menopausal group. For both groups, high intensity exercise reduces the risk by nearly twenty percent. Whatever your exercise routine, work a bit harder or extend it a little longer. One drink a day is the max. Eat veggies instead of chips and crackers. Not only will these actions reduce your risk of cancer, but they’ll improve your overall health. Take small steps for true progress.
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Topic - Playing Doctor
We just can’t help ourselves. We schedule an appointment with the doctor, but go online to search our symptoms. You’d think that the information we learn will help us to more meaningfully participate with our doctors, but it’s just the opposite. We’re likely to have less trust in our physicians if we try to diagnose ourselves. What’s the danger? Well, there’s information and then, there’s using the information as part of the reasoning process, called differential diagnosis, to reach a conclusion about the disease or disorder impacting you. The internet cannot do it. It’s my experience that doctors don’t like it when you tell them what you’ve learned from online resources, but do it anyway. Ask them to explain their reasons for the diagnosis so you can have confidence in the treatment and learn from the experience. If you don’t, you may end up delaying treatment while you get a second opinion. Be a part of your own medical team.
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Topic - Toddlers’ Tears
You thought when Ben became a toddler, those tears would fade. No, things get a lot scarier because now, he’s figuring out how the world works. His awareness has exploded. Life is confusing and frustrating. He has little control and his language isn’t developed so it’s hard to express his feelings and get what he needs. When emotions overwhelm him, he cries, usually until he’s exhausted. You ask him, “What’s wrong?”, but Ben can’t tell you. You feel helpless. Stop, pick him up, speak softly to him even if he’s screaming in your ear, rub his back, stroke his head. Comfort Ben with a song or words. Sit down, on the floor if you have to, don’t mind what others think, and put Ben in your lap or arms and rock him. He’ll squirm, you hold on. He wants to feel protected. Toddlerhood lasts about two years. Be prepared.
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Topic - The 5-Second Rule
We’ve all experienced “the five-second rule”. Remember when Mom picked the last biscuit off the floor at Thanksgiving dinner, blew on it and said, “It’s fine”? Often, she would go on to explain the “five-second rule”. A study confirmed what Mom always said, “You can eat it if it’s on the floor for just a few seconds”. What we didn’t know is that if food falls on carpet, it’s likely to have less bacteria than if it fell on a solid surface. If food is moist and lands on tile, it will have the greatest amount of bacteria on it. Basically, the nature of the food and the surface it lands on are equally important. One of Mom’s criteria was if the dropped food didn’t have dust bunnies or pet hair on it, you were good to go. If she had “extra”, she might have thrown it away. A few factors went into her decision. In general, she knew the bugs wouldn’t kill us. She had more important things on her mind.
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Topic - Pride
Like many other character traits, pride has two faces. There’s authentic pride that’s positive and based on realistic self-worth. Those with authentic pride give credit to others and motivate them to achieve. They’re confident people who gain the respect of their supporters. The greater the genuine pride you feel, the harder you’ll work to achieve. Hubristic pride comes from grandiosity which is usually related to narcissism and arrogance. This kind of pride manifests in authoritarian or controlling behavior. These people get their power from bullying and intimidating others. They hijack other’s accomplishments. They’re toxic; their success comes at the cost of being liked. Although people are drawn to this kind of leader, they’re also afraid of them. Healthy pride is a strength. Use it to help others have their best life.
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Topic - Teen Depression Or Just Teen?
One of the toughest questions a psychologist has about a teenage client is, “Is this a true psychiatric disorder or part of teenage development?” There’s a shocking increase in adolescent depression, but too much of it is being dismissed as “just being a teenager”. Part of the problem is that adolescents don’t report being depressed. They say they’re feeling irritable and hopeless with short periods of being sad and stressed. It can look like the “ups and downs” of teenage life. Ask about difficulty falling asleep, staying asleep and sleeping too much. Also look for fatigue, headaches, stomachaches and other physical complaints related to being stressed. Ask about recent arguments with parents, friends, lovers, problems with school, abuse, neglect, and upcoming major changes such as divorce or a move. Don’t ignore the signs. You can’t live with the consequences.
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Topic - Pot Smoking And Gum Disease
Smoke pot on a regular basis? You’re twice as likely to develop severe gum disease such as pockets between your teeth and gums. The gums are supposed to surround your teeth firmly so that there aren’t any spaces. If you smoke pot, you’ll create pockets and pack food down into them. The food will rot, causing very painful infections and tooth loss. Treatments for periodontal disease are no fun. You’ll be spending a lot of time in the dentist’s chair. Periodontists are dentists with specialized training in the prevention, diagnosis and treatment of gum disease. With all of the attention on legalizing and decriminalizing marijuana, the memory problems and severe dental disease just aren’t being discussed. Make sure your kids know the dangers. Don’t lecture them. Pictures are worth thousands of words.
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Topic - Super Lice
It was the case that head lice could be treated effectively with over-the-counter products, but now, these little critters have developed a resistance and they’re really tough to beat back. There are national chain stores in your neighborhood with experts who will identify and treat lice. Since your child can’t go back to school without verifying their scalps are clear of both lice and their eggs, called nits, you really don’t have time to experiment with treatments that may not work. Kids get head lice more frequently than adults because of the ways they interact with each another. Hygiene isn’t the issue with head lice, but if you have long hair, it’s harder to get rid of them. Hair lice don’t spread disease the way body lice can, but they do cause distress and misery. Look for lice when kids come home from summer camp and after winter holidays when relatives visit.
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Topic - Eating Slowly
Remember when Mom told you to chew your food ten times before you swallow? She was right but not for the reasons she thought. Mom didn’t want you to choke. We’ve learned that if you eat slowly, you give your gut time to tell your brain that you’re actually eating, how much you’ve eaten and when you’re full. We’re talking hypothalamus here. It’s the part of your brain that maintains balance and controls behavior related to eating, drinking and sex and translates those strong feelings into physical action. You eat, you drink, and other stuff. The lateral slice of the hypothalamus tells you when you’re hungry and the ventromedial slice tells you when you’re full. The hindbrain gets signals from the gut and sends them to the hypothalamus. The limbic region, the reward and pleasure system, enjoys the emotional properties of the food and voila! That’s all there is to it! Slow down. Savor your food. Lose some weight.
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Topic - Dark Humor
Dark humor. It’s morbid, offensive, cruel and frequently graphic and certainly not appreciated by everyone. Despite impressing most people around them as being some kind of disgusting human being, the fact is, this kind of humor requires a high level of intelligence and mastery of the complexities of emotions. A study found that those people who enjoy this kind of humor are the least aggressive, have the highest levels of education and are more intelligent than others. They simply enjoy this kind of humor, but they may not be aware of its impact on others. Appeal to their intellect and understanding of human emotions and give them guidelines about conducting themselves in your home or in front of your kids. If they insist on violating those guidelines, invite them only to those gatherings where their humor might be appreciated and let the chips fall. Maybe they’ll get the hint when their invitations are few and far between. Don’t count on it.
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Topic - No Fruit Juice For Babies
Children younger than one year should not be given full-strength fruit juice according to the American Academy of Pediatrics. The doctors believe there’s no role for fruit juice during the first year. The shocking rise in obesity and cavities prompted the new policy. Previously, full-strength fruit juice wasn’t recommended for children younger than six months. There were exceptions such as in the case of constipation. Now, they say to gradually increase the amount of juice according to the kid’s age. From one to three, it’s a half a cup; for those three to six, it’s a bit more than half a cup and for seven year olds, no more than a cup a day. There goes the convenient snack and lunch making. I kinda knew that orange juice, our kid’s favorite, was way too sweet and thick for him, but I liked the vitamin C, so I diluted it by 50%. He loved it. By the way, the doctors don’t recommend those expensive baby-specific juice products, either.
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Topic - Restaurant Garb
Have you ever wondered if the way you’re dressed had any bearing on the quality of service you receive at a restaurant? Researchers looked at this question to determine if our suspicions were correct. They concluded that your server’s performance may be influenced by what you’re wearing. Race doesn’t appear to play a role in the quality of their attention. Servers felt that well-dressed minorities were likely to leave a bigger tip than casually-dressed minorities and that well-dressed men were likely to leave a better tip than women of equal fashion. Men in casual attire were voted as the least likely of any group to leave a good tip. Servers used stereotypes and first impressions to decide how best to devote their time and energy to make the most money. Restaurant managers should make this information part of server training. As for my family, we always leave a big tip, especially for breakfast waitresses.
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Topic - Time Doesn’t Mend A Broken Heart
It’s what I’ve always said, nothing gets healed. We learn to cope with our wounds. Time only softens the jagged edges of the pain. A new scientific report claims that the “broken heart syndrome”, also known as Takotsubo Syndrome, can leave a person with cardiac damage from which they don’t’ recover. In essence, the shock and pain is so great to the person that the heart muscle is stunned and the left ventricle changes shape. Basically, the heart “shudders and contracts”. Patients who were followed after the attack had abnormal heart functioning for up to four months afterwards and showed signs of scarring indicating that recovery may take much longer if they recovered at all. Takotsubo Syndrome was first described in Japan in nineteen ninety and named after an octopus pot which has a shape resembling a broken left ventricle. It’s hoped that research will move toward a cure.
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Topic - Reduce Anxiety By Listening To “Weightless”
Music has a tremendous impact on our lives even if we’re not aware of it. Have you ever seen a movie without its soundtrack? It’s terrible. It’s as if half of the movie is missing. Music is a therapeutic tool and isn’t just for entertainment. Music has long been used to address mental and physical distress. Neuroscientists have identified the specific songs that reduce anxiety the most. The one song that reduces stress by sixty-five percent is Weightless by Marconi Union. He actually wrote the song in conjunction with sound therapists to reduce stress. The harmonies, rhythm and bass lines help slow the listener’s heart rate, lower blood pressure and the stress hormone cortisol. Create your own list of ten songs that relax you the most. There are others known to have relaxing effects and you can find that list at drclaudia.net in the article called Make Your Own Kind of Music. Create the soundtrack for your peaceful life.
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Topic - Liberals And Conservatives Listening To Each Other
Once again, I’m reminded of why I work with children. Apparently, the political atmosphere is such that voters can’t even be paid to listen to the rhetoric from the opposing party. Adults. Ugh. They can’t even read an opposing position. I’m not surprised. This behavior is only evidence of the way the brain works. The brain has a “default mode” that reflects a person’s internal world which includes all of the values and beliefs that were begun in early childhood. The “attention mode”, in contrast, focuses on the external world. Because the “default mode” is so strong, any opposing belief, view or opinion is perceived as a threat to one’s existence. It doesn’t even have to be a political position. It can be anything that’s in contrast to yours. Once again, emotions hijack the reasoning component of the brain. It’s all emotion and no sense, just like young children.
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Topic - Mother’s Milk Kills Cancer Cells
The best things are discovered by accident. Scientists recently realized that breast milk contains a substance that kills cancer. This protein has been named Hamlet, very clever. It’s being used to treat patients with bladder cancer and next, doctors will conduct trials with bowel and cervical cancers. Because Hamlet zeroes in on cancer cells while not harming healthy ones, it has no debilitating effects. Interestingly, once the protein hits the gut, it transforms itself into a cancer fighter. It attacks the malignant cells in many ways. It avoids the cancer cells’ outer defenses and moves in on the engines of the cells, the mitochondria, and then on to the nucleus which gives the commands. Once the power is gone and the commands aren’t received, the cells commit suicide. Make no mistake about it, we mothers are goddesses. We give life and then cure its diseases. Love it.
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Topic - Don’t Wear Flip-Flops
When I was a kid, we wore zories, the south Florida name for flip-flops. They were great for the hot, humid weather, but they’re not healthy. They’re OK to wear to the beach, but don’t protect our feet from accidents and injuries. They cause bunions which are those painful, bony protrusions on the side of your foot below your big toe. They also contribute to bunionettes which are on the outside of your foot by your pinkie toe. These are caused by pulling and stretching of the foot ligaments. They don’t support your arches and allow fungus to fester in the soft foam base. They make blisters erupt and cause hammertoe which is where one toe crosses over its neighbor because it forces your toes to curl and tendons to tug. They cause so much stumbling that high schools have banned them. Flip-flops cause you to walk in such a way that your heel hits first, and hard. Find other shoes to wear.
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Topic - Getting In Shape Is Easier Than You Think
Seventy-five billion dollars are spent on gym memberships annually and only half of those who have memberships actually go. There are easier ways to get in shape in order to keep up with your parenting duties and work life. If you feel hungry, drink some water. The body sometimes mistakes thirst for hunger. Get more protein. Nuts are great nutrition. Avoid sodas, sugary drinks and alcohol. When you get hungry, wait ten minutes before eating. Sit down while you eat; no eating “on the run”. Eat veggie pizza and dab the top to soak up excess fat from cheese. Eat popcorn without the “extras”. Get up and move around frequently to avoid sitting for too long; take the stairs. Eat smaller portions. Taking a hot bath burns as many calories as walking for half an hour. Spend thirty minutes tidying up the house. See? Easy peasy!
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Topic - Exercise Can Combat Depression
People taking antidepressants and even adjunct medications still find themselves being painfully aware of “breakthrough” symptoms which can escalate to hopelessness that they’ll never overcome depression. Research proves that if they just get moving, even a little bit, those leftover symptoms can disappear. Light or moderate physical activity is all that it takes. Light activity is defined as anything that causes an increase in breathing, heart rate or sweating such as walking in a mall. Moderate exercise includes the same components, but is carried on for fifteen to twenty minutes. You should be able to hold a conversation. Those doing light activity noticed higher levels of satisfaction and lower levels of depression and those engaging in moderate exercise had the same outcome, but also lower levels of pain. You don’t need to devote your life to intense exercise to benefit. Get moving!
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Topic - Social Media Increases Social Isolation
Young adults, those between nineteen and thirty-two, who are on social media for at least two hours a day double their risk of feeling socially isolated. Maybe that’s because they are! And therein lies the problem. Mental health and social isolation are at epidemic levels among young adults. If they visited the most popular social media sites such as Facebook, YouTube, Twitter, and Instagram at least fifty-eight times a week, they tripled their odds of feeling socially isolated compared to those visiting just nine times a week. The concern is that social media consumes people to the extent that they don’t enjoy face-to-face socializing. Feelings of jealousy, exclusion and anger can erupt from seeing the probably “enhanced” lives people document on those sites. Young adults may become dissatisfied and possibly hopeless about their own lives. Get off the computer and get out there!
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Topic - Be Careful About Helping Co-Workers
I know it may sound unkind, but be careful about how much and when you help co-workers. It’s likely to take a toll on your physical and emotional well-being which you will then bring home and transfer to your family. Ok, so now that you’ve trained your co-workers to come to you for every little problem even though helping them isn’t your primary responsibility, you’ll have to un-train them. Once you tell them, privately, that you’re concerned about getting your own work done and it’s causing stress, post a “Do Not Disturb” sign on your door for the morning work period. You’ll be available to help between 2 and 3 in the afternoon. Don’t violate the sign because once you do, you’ll train them to believe that you don’t mean what you say. Yes, I know you’re a helpful person and you want to do your best and what’s best for the company, but pay attention to your own needs. Don’t get fired or tired because you’re kind and helpful.
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Topic - Dangers Of Short-Term Opioid Use
You stepped over the Lego tower and heard a pop-crack. Now, you’re on a short course of opioid medication and unknowingly, you’re set up for addiction. A study of emergency room patients found that about seven percent went home with an opioid prescription even for a sprained ankle. The amount of pills ranged from five to sixty. The more pills that were prescribed, the greater the chance that the prescription would be refilled. Those who got thirty pills or more were twice as likely to refill than those who got fifteen or less. Research proves that it’s very hard for some people to stop taking the pills even after brief use. New Jersey recently passed a law limiting first-time prescriptions to a five-day supply. It’s an attempt to reduce exposure to addiction. You do your part. Now that you know, reject that opioid prescription and use an over the counter product for discomfort.
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Topic - Slow Down Texting Doesn’t Help
“But, Mom, I slow down if I have to text”. Ding, ding, ding, that’s not gonna help. Slowing down to text actually increases your chances of getting into a crash. When you text or use your cell phone, you drive, on average, about two miles per hour slower. And when you slow down, other drivers react aggressively resulting in dangerous moves. From an emotional standpoint, they may be angry that you’re causing them to slow down because you’re on your phone. If you rear-end them, which is usually the case, now, you have to deal with scary angry drivers who feel victimized by your careless behavior. If you make a call or text, there’s a four-times greater risk of an accident. Yes, I said four times greater chance. Can you live with the consequences? This kind of danger often doesn’t register with kids because they think “never me” at this age. Keep preaching the message. It’s all you’ve got.
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Topic - High Schoolers Riding With Drunk Drivers
We tell them, over and over, don’t we? Never get into a car with a friend who’s been drinking. Results of a study revealed that thirty-five percent of high schoolers reported they had ridden in a car with a driver who drank at least one drink the previous hour. I thought, “That message isn’t getting through”. About twenty percent were in a car whose driver had smoked weed within the two hours before getting behind the wheel. Males were more likely to drive after consuming than were females. Females were more likely to be the passenger of an impaired driver than males. The researchers weren’t able to explain why kids still get into cars with drunk or stoned drivers. It’s likely that they didn’t realize how impaired their drivers were and it’s also likely that the drivers didn’t know how impaired they were. It’s time to have that talk again, isn’t it?
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Topic - Forcing Your Child To Share
In the 1980’s there was a “Sharing is Caring” movement started by the Care Bears, remember those? For years, we forced our kids to share their toys thinking that we’re teaching our kids to be gracious and generous. Actually, we may not have been aware that sharing isn’t natural for most kids under the age of 5. Six is the age of reason and before then, kids can’t grasp the social complexities of sharing. In order to share, two things must be understood: what the other person wants reflecting the self-other dynamic and that sharing is a form of borrowing in that it’s temporary and my toy will come back to me. If kids don’t want to share, don’t force them. Let life teach them lessons they won’t forget. If they don’t share, neither will their friends. Give kids a choice, put their favorite toys away when friends come over and be prepared to be uncomfortable when other parents pressure you. Sharing is caring only if you don’t traumatize your kids.
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Topic - Sensation Seeking Personality Style
Know someone who’s always looking for the next thrill and thrives on excitement? They can’t help it; it’s their neurology that results in a sensation seeking personality style. Think of it as “spice”. Some people don’t like the heat and for others, the hotter the better. Some have a low threshold for sensing the heat and others have a higher set point. Not good, not bad, just different. So it goes with those who seek novelty and intense sensations. People have different set points and tolerances for activity. If you have a low threshold for excitement and don’t tolerate intensity and the heat well, then look for partners and friends whose preferences are within the range you can tolerate. It’s called “goodness of fit”. Don’t be bullied into doing things that make you uncomfortable. It takes days for my balance system to recover from a roller coaster ride, so I avoid them even though I get teased. Oh well, to each her own.
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Topic - Dogs And Sex Appeal
Did you know that your dog can increase your sex appeal? A study done by a London match making company asked which group of pet owners they preferred and by a seven to two margin, they chose dog owners. The difference was due to personality. Dog owners are regarded as being more sociable and energetic and cats, well, people think they’re selfish and aloof. More than half of the people polled think that a pet owner will be a good roommate because it means they’re nurturing. Dog lovers tend to like each other more and said that they would end a relationship if their love-interest didn’t get along with their furry friends. Cat lovers took offense at the results and there’s been a bit of a snarky battle going on since the release of the study. Cat lovers shot back by saying that they smell better, aren’t needy like dog people, are smart, more patient and independent. It’s always something, isn’t it?
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Topic - High Schoolers Pot Use Underperform
People who are impaired due to substance use don’t perform their best. Throw in an immature brain and it’s easy to believe that high schoolers who smoke pot don’t do well in adulthood. Researchers discovered that high school students who smoke pot just once a month were four times more likely to skip school, not turn in homework or get good grades. When they smoke on a daily basis, their desire to finish high school or go to college was fifty percent lower than it was before they started smoking daily. Marijuana use before the age of twenty leads to reduced activity in the parts of the brain responsible for memory, learning and controlling inhibitions even later in life. Researchers think that alcohol use may be less damaging to the academic success of high schoolers than marijuana, although both have risks. Do what you can to steer your kids clear of marijuana for as long as possible.
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Topic - Body Jerking and Head Exploding When Falling Asleep
Ever had that “body jerking” or “head exploding” thing happen just as you’re going to sleep? The jerk is called the “hypnic jerk” which could be caused by caffeine and tobacco as well as stimulant medications and exhaustion. When you’re so tired that your brain moves through the stages of sleep too quickly, it confuses itself into thinking the major systems of the body are failing and responds with a burst of chemicals that the brain builds a dream around and then, you wake up. The exploding head is a known parasomia, a condition that accompanies sleep. A flash of light or muscle twitch might happen, too. The cause is unknown, but is likely related to exhaustion, stress, medication, health conditions, substance abuse or mental illness. It’s been reported in those as young as ten. So, if your child tells you they’re experiencing either one of these conditions, you’ll know how to explain it. If it becomes a problem, see a doctor.
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Topic - The Miracle Of Melatonin
Psychiatrists treating my clients for Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder also recommended they take melatonin as a sleep aid. Sleep problems occur along with ADHD. Melatonin has been a mystery hormone for decades. We now know that it not only induces sleep but “keeps the brain in order”, too. Melatonin is released by the pineal gland which is a very small brain structure that tells the body it’s time to rest when darkness falls. During the night, melatonin levels are high, but decline during the day. The rise and fall of melatonin affects our internal clock which gets disturbed when traveling between time zones. It’s also a powerful antioxidant that reduces inflammation and protects the brain during daily functioning and when it’s injured. Melatonin drops dramatically as we age which explains why insomnia is common among the elderly. Talk with your doctor about adding it to your supplement regimen.
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Topic - On Meds, ADHD Drivers Are Safe
If you have ADHD and aren’t medically treated for it, you’re more likely to have a major accident than those drivers with ADHD who are taking their medications. If Sam forgets to take his meds, his level of alertness is compromised. He’s more likely to run a stop sign or red light, speed, change lanes without signaling or engage in other reckless or distracted driving all leading to a fifty percent higher rate of serious accidents than other drivers. Researchers found that male ADHD sufferers who filled their prescriptions were thirty-eight percent less likely to have an accident. Females forty-two percent less likely. A whopping two point three million people with ADHD were studied. Simply filling the prescription doesn’t guarantee that Sam actually took it. Skipping a day could result in tragedy. Encourage him to take his meds daily if he’ll be driving. He just can’t live with the consequences.
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Topic - New Vaping Dangers
More Americans are using electronic cigarettes and the consequences are ugly. Young vapers are showing up in doctor’s offices with bloody lesions in their mouths and throats that won’t heal. The vapors inflame mouth cells in ways that cause gum disease. Why is this a problem? Because the more your gums hurt, the less you’ll brush and earlier than not, your teeth will fall out. Mouth sores and gum disease are just a few of the effects of vaping. The most serious problems happen when you inhale hot chemicals into your lungs which lead to chronic bronchitis. The chemicals impact the immune system, too. Even minor wounds don’t heal as quickly because the immune system is compromised. We have no idea what the long-term results of vaping are going to look like. There are just so many variables including the age when kids start, whether or not they’re using atomizers or dripping the fluids over the super-hot coils. Teach your kids about vaping.
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Topic - Night Time Noise And Men’s Fertility
Noise is linked to many health problems including pregnancy complications, premature birth and congenital deformities. Now, it’s learned that too much noise at night negatively impacts a man’s fertility. Earlier studies on animals proved that noise has an effect on male fertility, but this latest study concludes that excessive noise, especially at nighttime, can render a man infertile. Other factors in the participants’ lives could not better account for the condition. The researchers indicated that long-term exposure, about four years, to excessive noise at night is damaging to human fertility. The rapid decline in men’s sperm in the twentieth century due to environmental pollution is a serious concern. If you’re a man with fertility issues, talk with your doctor and take action to reduce its impact on your health.
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Topic - Couples Without Children Are Judged Harshly
We fear what we don’t understand. We fear things that are different. We’re afraid of things we just can’t make sense of such as those couples who are able to have children, but choose not to. We actually scorn them. We also feel anger, disapproval and even disgust. We think it’s morally wrong and unnatural. Unlike other situations, we feel free to make our feelings and opinions known and even discriminate against those who’ve made this very personal choice. Could it be that having people around us who decide to be childless actually scare us? Just who are these people and how did this come to be? My friends and colleagues who’ve decided against parenthood have done so to avoid passing down a violent alcoholic father’s genes or a mother’s severe mental illness. Some have disabled siblings they’ll have to care for later in life. For whatever reason, accept and move on.
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Topic - The Dogs Decide
No surprise that ninety-four percent of dog owners consider their pets to be family, but are you aware that your dog might influence your relationships? Fifty-four percent of dog owners would consider breaking up with their lover if Fido didn’t get along with them. Two-thirds report taking more pictures of Fido than their significant other and half said they’d rather leave the lover for a week than their dog! Dog lovers are deeply concerned about their pets’ happiness. Just look at the rise in high-quality dog food advertisements! Dogs are included in many wedding ceremonies and custody cases. Out of the fifty-four million households with dogs, many of their owners say hello to their furry friends before talking to anyone else. Lower stress, enhanced self-esteem and greater levels of physical activity are some of the benefits of having a dog. Get a dog. Get a rescued dog! Be happier and healthier!
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Topic - Soda Speeds Brain Aging
When you drink soda, you’re more likely to have a poor memory, a smaller brain and a smaller hippocampus which is the part of the brain that’s important for memory and learning. These are also factors for developing Alzheimer’s. Not worth it, is it? If you substitute diet soda, you’re three times as likely to develop a stroke and dementia. So not worth it. These conditions occur together, but so far, we’re not sure if the soda actually causes the problems. Still, not worth taking the chance. What about the numbers? Well, the research says you’re at risk if you have two sugary drinks a day like fruit juice or soda or three sodas a week. Interestingly, sugary drinks are not associated with stroke and dementia, but diet drinks are! Since those with diabetes drink diet sodas to limit their sugar intake, they may be at greater risk than others. A glass of water may not be a bad idea.
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Topic - Long Hours Of Screen Time May Not Be Bad
I bought my first and only new car in 1977 and then, a study came out announcing that the “new car” smell was the off-gassing of plastic and other materials that could give me cancer. We hear all sorts of conflicting studies about, well, everything. We can’t seem to trust any information. Just recently, I read a study that says that long hours of screen time may not be bad for kids. They actually may NOT have a higher risk of depression from spending endless hours playing video games or searching the net. Six hours may seem like a lot, but most kids are able to recover. Negative outcomes were small and mostly affected boys. The study indicated that screen time wasn’t associated with delinquent behavior, reckless driving, substance abuse, eating disorders, sexual acting out or depression. More industries are dependent on digital experts and these kids may just be training for a future job.
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Topic - Different Persona, Different Social Media
It’s a good bet that you act differently in church than you do at a ball game. In fact, we act differently from one set of people to the next. If we’re in the presence of authority figures or those with high status, we’re likely to behave differently than if we’re with friends. Online, it’s the same story. We seem to present ourselves in ways that are appropriate for the site. We give our best serious business persona on LinkedIn, but a more casual and perhaps, even naughty, presentation on other sites. Women typically don’t wear glasses in profile pictures. Those over 25 smile and those younger, don’t. You’ve heard that smiling improves your “face value”, right? While we don’t intentionally tailor our presentations after others, we still create a somewhat stereotypical profile for our age and gender. We just want to be “part of the herd”!
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Topic - Suicide is Contagious
In 2017, the suicide rate in the US was at an almost 30-year high and was the second leading cause of death from age 10 to 34. Young people are prone to suicide contagion. The media, when it romanticizes self-injury or suicide, can inspire copycats. Movies and television series don’t often address the fact that there’s nothing positive or worthwhile about suicide. Even if they did, it’s unlikely that children or teens would truly hear the message. One suicide impacts about one hundred and thirty five people. People who know a suicide victim are nearly twice as likely to develop suicidal thoughts as the general population and the younger the person, the greater the risk. If a story about suicide is currently on television or at the movie theaters, be aware and take steps to have candid conversations about suicide and its aftermath. Don’t hide from this.
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Topic - ADHD and Time
“I’m late, I’m late, I’m late for a very important date” said the White Rabbit in Alice in Wonderland, but important or not, many of those with Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder are late for quite a few dates. It’s said that they start getting ready when they’re already late. This time blindness has serious consequences. It’s dangerous. Kids get left at school or on the soccer field. You’re embarrassingly late for critical business meetings. The electric bill and car insurance go unpaid because you just lost track of time. Your brain has two clocks, both of which allow us to detect the passage of time. Conscious awareness of time is required in order to manage it and this is likely where it all falls apart for those with ADHD, conscious awareness. The digital age can help. Setting your watch to sound in time for you to get your kids from soccer practice can improve your daily quality of life. But, you have to remember to set it!
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Topic - Ear Wax
Don’t try to dig ear wax out. It’s very valuable and designed to protect the ear drum and canal by trapping dirt and intruders. The wax will make its way out and if it doesn’t, you’ll know. Go to a doctor. There are two types of ear wax, wet and dry. The wet wax is brown and moist and is seen in African Americans and Europeans. The dry type is gray, flakey and is seen in Native Americans and Asians. The dry type is used by anthropologists to track migratory patterns of humans. Did you know that in 2010, when injuries related to using Q-Tip stopped being counted, there were thirteen thousand emergency room visits related to using them? A whopping 77% of the injuries were self-inflicted by kids. Put away the Q-Tips. If you don’t, permanent injury can be the result. Hearing loss, balance problems and facial nerve paralysis among them. Be smart.
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Topic - Valuing the Glimmer
Millions of dollars of costume jewelry and that with precious stones and metals are sold every year. What’s the attraction? It all goes back to ancient man. We learned that when “something” sparkled in the distance, it was usually a body of water. Depending on where we lived, water was either plentiful or scarce, but always necessary. Jewelry isn’t necessary, but desired. As humans, once our basic needs are met, we move on to valuing the things we desire. We often don’t understand what others desire, cars, big homes, boats, but that’s not up to us. If we value volunteering and giving to others, we might think of ourselves as somehow being superior or higher on the ladder of moral authority. Thoughtfully consider the things you value and avoid judging others based on their choices. Life is a team sport, we all play our positions. It’s nature’s way to balance all things. Just a thought.
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Topic - Capitalizing Mom and Dad
We’re important, right? Everybody says so. I mean, we shape the world! Why oh why aren’t the words Mom and Dad, Mother and Father not capitalized? We all know that nouns name people, places and things. Every noun is either common or proper. A proper noun has two distinctive features: one it will name a specific item [usually one-of-a-kind], and two, it will begin with a capital letter no matter where it occurs in a sentence. Moms and Dads, each of us is one-of-a-kind. We deserve to be capitalized. I realize that this issue may seem to be of the most minor importance, but it’s a thing with me. If we’re asking others to respect us and appreciate the power that we have to “make or break” the future, I don’t think asking for a capital letter is too much. I don’t like being lower case.
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Topic - Mother’s Immune System And Autism
For years, I’ve read research about how prenatal infections are linked to autism, but there was never an explanation as to whether or not the infections caused autism. Now we know. Mother’s immune system is responsible. If an infection occurs during pregnancy, the body’s response is to produce high levels of an inflammatory protein which appears to protect baby against developing an autistic brain. Mother’s strong immune response encourages normal development. Inflammation leads to many devastating health conditions including high blood pressure, cardiac issues, gut problems, and autoimmune disorders such as arthritis. Are the dynamics different for the developing fetus in the womb? If so, how can we use this preliminary information to reduce the occurrence of autism? Are there ways to safely enhance mother’s immune system? Ask your doctor for ideas.
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Topic - Why Is It Hard To Get Rid Of Garlic Breath
Even if you brush your teeth, you can taste the garlic and others can smell it for a full day later. Minced or crushed garlic releases four volatile sulfur compounds. These compounds come from bacteria in the mouth which create bad smelling gases that evaporate and spread easily. One specific element of the compound takes longer to metabolize and so, it lingers, and is absorbed into the bloodstream, becoming vaporized while going through the lungs. The bad breath is coming from your lungs, but started in your mouth. Ah ha, a mystery of life solved! You can’t brush your lungs or swish them with mouth wash. We learned about this in 1936, believe it or not. To minimize the odor, chew on an apple or raw mint after a garlicky meal. Eating parsley or drinking milk with the meal will help as will green tea and lemon juice. Brush and floss your teeth to remove the small bits. Good luck out there!
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Topic - Designed To Be Adorable
A few things in this world are designed to be adorable. Puppies, kittens, baby things of all kinds, including our own babies have an adorable element to them that makes them irresistible even if you don’t want one of your own. Being adorable enhances survival. What’s this all about? It seems that we humans have a preference for cuteness which helped species such as dogs survive. Dogs and humans have been living together for about seventeen thousand years and the reason may be that when puppies are weaning and are most vulnerable, at about four to eight weeks, they’re also at a peak of cuteness. They attracted human help and so they survived to pass along their cuteness gene. And yes, kids love puppies and we keep getting them puppies despite knowing how tough it will be for a while, just like having those kids. Kids and puppies know how to use their wiles to get what they want.
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Topic - Do Skunks Hate Their Spray?
You know how we get accustomed to those stinky diapers? Have you watched yourself pick pasta out of boiling water and it doesn’t hurt that much? Your sensory system has trained itself to be less sensitive to these sensations. Skunks were studied to determine if their spray bothers them. Apparently, it’s only offensive when they’re sprayed directly in the face because the high concentration of liquid burns their eyes and nose. Despite having sensitive noses, thiol, the sulfur compound in their spray, doesn’t seem to bother them. Thiol is similar to the chemical added to natural gas and you know how that odor gets your attention. Prolonged or repeated exposure to even the stinkiest of odors causes olfactory fatigue. This means that the smell receptors in the nose don’t reset and the odor is no longer detected. We can learn to tolerate just about anything, even stinky diapers or your teenager’s room.
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Topic - The Truth About Zits
Teenagers. Acne can have a serious impact on their emotional well-being and social standing. They have so much to deal with; let’s help them to control the controllable. There are lots of theories about the cause of acne and how to prevent it. Some think it’s caused by diet, others think it’s caused by hygiene, but the reality is more complicated. It’s all about bacteria. The same bacteria that causes outbreaks can also, in some circumstances, quash those zits. Researchers are exploring creating treatments using those same bacteria. Until then, the best approach is to keep the hair around the face clean and pulled away or cut. The oils from hair make their way down to the forehead. Encourage your teen to keep their hands off their face which spreads the bacteria. Take them to a dermatologist who may recommend antibiotics and therapeutic facials to control the outbreaks.
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Topic - Antipsychotics And The Elderly
Investigators studied antipsychotic prescriptions filled from two thousand six to two thousand ten. Despite not having a mental health diagnosis, people in their 80’s were given antipsychotics twice as often as people in their 60’s. People in their eighties can demonstrate behaviors that can be mistaken for psychosis, but are really related to normal aging and likely, depression. Antipsychotic medications are extremely powerful and have serious side effects, many of which may cause a domino effect and the ultimate decline in health. The geriatric, like the pediatric population, have unique needs. If your aging parents need medical care, consider a geriatric specialist to avoid complications due to ignorance of these unique needs. Psychiatrists specializing in the elderly should be the only doctor prescribing these types of medications.
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Topic - Birth Order Doesn’t Matter
Since 1908, the concept of birth order has influenced our thinking about children’s personalities. The theory, proposed by Austrian psychiatrist, Alfred Adler, was designed to explain why kids in the same family had different personalities. He felt that the first child would fare best because of the undivided attention of parents. The second child would feel dethroned and, in a three-child family, would suffer from neurosis leading to substance abuse. The youngest child was likely to be the most successful. None of his observations was scientifically supported. Recently, a study of twenty thousand adults from several parts of the world proved that critical personality traits such as extraversion, emotional stability, agreeableness and conscientiousness were not affected by birth order. It’s good to know he was wrong. Our birth order rank doesn’t dictate our future.
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Topic - Stroke Signs And Centers
One-third of Americans don’t have a primary stroke center nearby. Getting help is critical to surviving and reducing disability when a stroke hits. Use the FAST system for recognizing the signs. F for face drooping; A for arm weakness; S for speech difficulty; and T, time to call 9-1-1. They may also have visions changes, muscle stiffness, memory loss, behavioral changes, severe headache, confusion and problems with walking and swallowing. If you see any combination of these behaviors and you even suspect a stroke is happening, call for help. If you’re wrong, great; if you’re right, great. It’s a win-win! Get emergency medical people on the scene as soon as possible. Have a list of medications and health history ready. Certain medical conditions such as aFib are known to cause strokes and heart attacks. Be informed.
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Topic - Toddler’s Tool Kits
Do toddlers and chimpanzees have anything in common? Yes, they both have a basic tool kit for solving problems. As it turns out, there’s an instinct for using tools. Toddlers between two and three and a half years old, use tools from their environment in order to solve problems, just as wild chimps and orangutans do. Interestingly, the most common primate behavior such as using a stick to fish for termites is also a skill seen in toddlers who use tools to get what they want. Chimps don’t use rocks to open nuts and toddlers don’t use toys to bash other toys open to see what’s inside. What does this research tell us? It tells us that humans have a natural ability to manipulate and understand the natural world. Toddlers need an environment filled with items that will encourage them to explore and enhance this understanding.
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Topic - Wiping Out Gut Bacteria Impairs The Brain
Are you taking antibiotics? What about your kids? We’ve learned that when we wipe out gut bacteria, it hurts our brains, especially if the course of treatment involves high doses over a long course of six weeks. Antibiotics wipe out the good with the bad. Studies revealed that reducing bacteria in the gut slows the birth of new brain cells and impairs memory. New brain cells or neurons are formed in the hippocampus which has an important role in memory functioning. Apparently, gut bacteria sends signals to the brain that trigger formation of new brain cells. You may not be able to avoid antibiotic treatment, but you can reduce the damage by exercising and using a probiotic treatment that includes at least eight types of live bacteria. Consider this treatment even for short courses of antibiotics. Protect your gut!
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Topic - Things That Make You Unattractive
We live inside ourselves and our inner experience is unique to us. The feedback we get from others is our only mirror. Mostly, we don’t get accurate information from those who love us. Here are some features that cause people to be unattractive. We’re mean both in words and deeds. We have poor posture and body language which immediately puts others off. We don’t have a sense of humor, smile or laugh. We’re over the top in terms of being too giggly, happy or proud. People are attracted to happy people, but not too happy. Others prefer strong, helpful, skillful people, so being lazy is unattractive. Being dishonest isn’t appealing as is showing too much stress and not getting enough sleep. If your scent is close to someone else they don’t like, they may avoid you. Pay attention to how you look to others. What can you change to make yourself more attractive?
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Topic - Why Smart People Make Bad Decisions
“But, she’s such a smart woman, why did she make such a bad decision?” When smart people make poor choices, it’s usually related to not having all of the facts and believing they’re the only one who can make the decision. Is it arrogance? Maybe. A dynamic called the arrogance of intelligence may be at work. Because the experience of smart people is that they’re usually right and they’ve trained us to look at them for the right answer, it naturally follows they assume their answers are correct. If smart people are really smart, they’ll pay attention to their pattern of mistakes and ask themselves, “What assumptions did I make that were wrong? Who should I have talked to instead of making the decision on my own?” “What can I do different next time?” They need to learn how to involve others in the decision-making process and for communicating the information with a team in order to verify that process and solution. Basically, they learn to share.
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Topic - Eating Boogers Is Good For You
Scientists at Harvard and MIT, if you can believe, have studied it and now, say parents should let their kids eat their boogers. You heard me. Apparently, boogers contain “a rich reservoir of good bacteria”. Also, eating snot helps to keep bacteria from sticking to teeth and could defend against respiratory infections, stomach ulcers and even HIV. Get this. Researchers are working on a synthetic mucus toothpaste and chewing gum to harness the dental benefits of boogers. We evolved under very dirty conditions. Our current sterile environment isn’t working to our advantage. People who pick their noses are healthier and happier. Medically, it makes great sense since the nose is a filter of the immune system where lots of bacteria are collected. When this mixture arrives in the gut, it works just like medicine. And, here you thought Milk of Magnesia tasted bad.
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Topic - Talking to Yourself
We all do it and when we’re caught, we make references to being crazy, crazy like a fox when we talk out loud to ourselves. It’s actually a sign of strong intelligence. A recent study revealed that we perform at a higher level when we talk out loud while working through it. Champion athletes such as Serena Williams do it to improve their performance. When you talk out loud, your brain absorbs more material than if you kept quiet. The study provided only observation, no interpretation, but those of us who perform assessments know that this behavior is evidence of engaging executive functioning skills which take place in the brain behind the forehead. One of these skills is self-monitoring where you track your thinking while you move through the problem-solving process. It helps you to stay focused and “check in” with the accuracy of your strategy. When you talk out loud, you’re vocalizing the thought process. It’s the smart thing to do.
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Topic - Life’s Milestones
A recent study evaluated life’s milestones and here’s the news. When we’re eight, our capacity to learn a second language is at its optimum. From ages twenty to twenty-three, women are at their peak attractiveness. At age twenty-five, we reach our height of creativity. If you play chess, you’re likely to be your best at age thirty-one. Here’s an interesting dichotomy. At age thirty-eight, we’re thought to reach our peak contentment if you’re married and for single folks, it’s twenty-seven. At fifty, males reach their depth of depression and for females, it’s forty. If you’re goal is to earn a Nobel Prize, your peak of achieving it is at age fifty-nine. Everyone has their own time frame. In about ten minutes, there’ll be another study contradicting this one. Don’t put too much into this stuff. You’ll have lots of ups and downs. Lead your own life.
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Topic - Talking to Kids
We use too many words when we talk with our kids. They have short attention spans and want you to get down to the meat of the message. Do it. Work on directing them less and reflecting more. Talk with them and not to them. Talk with them in such a way as to get them to look at themselves and how others see them. These skills will last a lifetime. That’s our goal, isn’t it? To create healthy, satisfied and well-adjusted adults. That doesn’t happen overnight. It’s time to shift the responsibility to the kids, but you have to give it up first. Read the article called, “You’re All Talk. Your Tuned Out Kids” at doctor claudia dot net for examples of this concept. You’ll learn ways to reflect their behavior back to them, the words and phrases to avoid, and ways to negotiate and resolve differences. Give yourself some time to change your verbal habits with your kids. The kids will need time to adjust to your new approach. Remember, practice does make perfect.
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Topic - Fast Facts
An effective and quick way to communicate to Sam’s teacher that he has learning problems, emotional, behavioral or even health issues is to create a Fast Facts Sheet. I’ve recommended this strategy for years and parents report that they’re able to get their kids’ teachers’ attention even in high school. On the front, there should be a list of Sam’s strengths and weaknesses in bullet form. Teachers just don’t have the time to read an extensive narrative, so keep your messages short, but accurate. At the bottom of the page, draw an arrow showing that there’s information on the back. The “How to Help” section should offer, in bullet points, the “tried and true” ways to help him. Also give all of your contact information as well as that of his support team. At the end, make a sincere statement of thanks for their efforts and your willingness to do everything you can to help. It makes for a great start to the school year or on an “as-needed” basis.
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Topic - Grandparenting
The role of grandparents in today’s society is much greater than you might know. Nearly three million kids are being raised by grandparents and nearly five million are living with them. A whopping fifty-two billion dollars a year are spent on grandchildren. Educational support alone is costing grandparents thirty-two billion dollars. The grands are invaluable because they provide consistency, stability, tradition and wisdom. More than anything else, grandparents provide time and attention. As a result, they may observe problems with kids that parents might not have noticed. They’re in a difficult position. If this is you and you want to communicate your concerns without tension, go to doctor claudia dot net and read the article, “Parenting, it’s not just for moms and dads anymore”. Grandparenting these days isn’t a piece of cake. No wonder they call you “grand”!
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Topic - The Special Education Referral
It still happens to this very day. I tell parents to request testing in writing to determine if special education support is needed. Even in writing, these school districts brazenly violate federal law and deny parents their requests. Federal law does not state that parents have to explain their reasons. It’s my experience that parents are always questioned. Once the written request is received, parents should be presented with an assessment plan no later than fifteen days. Then, the timeline of ninety days begins. At or before ninety days, a meeting is to be held to share the results. Nowhere in the law does it say that a Student Study Team meeting or other intervention is to take place. Oh sure, district personnel will tell you that it’s their policy to do this and that, but nothing supersedes federal law. Not state law, county law, local law or any policy. Be informed about your child’s educational rights.
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Topic - Ten Ways To Destroy A Child
When I was in practice, I frequently gave a lecture called, Ten Ways to Destroy a Child. It was standing room only always. Here are the ten ways. For more, read the article of the same name at doctor claudia dot net. One. Repeat yourself when giving information to your kids. Two. Screaming instead of making assertive statements with a strong voice. Three. Doing things for your kids they should be doing for themselves. Four. One parent puts the responsibility on the other or Five. Demean each other in front of the kids. Number six of the ten ways to destroy a child. Parents let the kids make them feel guilty. Seven. Giving your child money instead of having an allowance. Eight. Arguing with your child. Nine. Getting involved in sibling skirmishes. Ten. Hitting your kids. Quite the ugly list, isn’t it? We all do some of these things in a moment of weakness. Monitor yourself and make changes.
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Topic - Gorillas and Teenagers
Gorillas and teenagers have a lot in common. They both have little impulse control and show an indiscriminate need to mate. Primates and humans share similar family dynamics, social behavior and emotional expressions. But, unlike humans, gorillas know when to get their kids out into the world. We humans hold onto our teenagers for a very long time. That might not be a good thing. When male gorillas become sexually active, the elder females break branches off trees and beat them until they move to another family unit. It’s thought that this behavior is related to keeping the gene pool robust by avoiding breeding within families. When our society was primarily agricultural, our kids moved from farm-to-farm where they learned skills critical to survival. They were also mentored by adults who weren’t their parents. See? Just like the gorillas.
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Topic - The Dangers Of Adhd That No One Talks About
Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder is much more dangerous than you know. Kids and adults with ADHD have more emergency room visits, multiple jobs and relationships of short duration. Their “conflict driven behavior” gets them into trouble with authority figures. They have financial problems and lack a support group because they can’t offer reciprocity. They can’t take care of themselves much less help friends. Those with ADHD are anxious and depressed, have multiple car accidents, have increased potential for suicide attempts, are at-risk for drug and alcohol use and are emotionally unstable due to poor coping skills. They have a low frustration tolerance, sleep disorders, poor diets and more. They’re miserable. Learn as much as you can about ADHD. Get yourself or loved ones diagnosed and treated. Help yourself and them to lead the most satisfying lives possible.
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Topic - We Need Help With Food
Many kids who’ve been diagnosed with disorders and disabilities have limited diets and digestive problems. I wish that some of our prominent chefs would put their collective talents together and give us ideas to address these needs. For example, kids on the spectrum with inadequate jaw strength still require huge amounts of calories every day to grow. They need high-protein meals that aren’t complicated to prepare and involve a few key ingredients like cheese. What about the “on-the-run” kids with Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder who bring home their entire lunch because they bolt out of the classroom and only want to play? And, what about those who have serious digestive issues that cause discomfort and subsequently, avoidance of many foods? Food problems interfere with social functioning, impact health and reduce the joy of life. Together, let’s get the help we need to feed our kids.
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Topic - Lessons From The Witness Stand
I’ve spent many hours on the witness stand testifying in trials. Here’s what I’ve learned about communicating with integrity. Make sure you understand the question and take your time answering it. Make sure that you and others are talking about the same thing. If your child asks you where he came from and you launch into the birds and the bees and he finally says, “Jimmy’s from Boston and I wanted to know where I came from”, it’s an oops! Be aware of the difference between fact and truth. It’s a fact that sixty percent of the one hundred sixteen thousand US troops who died during WWI, died of the Spanish flu. The truth is that the flu was deadlier than the war. Don’t let others talk only about the facts. It can distort the truth. A “ballpark answer” is not the truth. Keep your emotions in check. Don’t fake it; be prepared. And, for heaven’s sake, know when to stop talking. Practice these skills to perfection and when you talk, people will listen.
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Topic - The Things I Tell My College-Bound Students
I’ve tested a number of college-bound kids so they can have classroom accommodations. I tell them things they’re not likely to hear from others. Here’s the list: Develop a healthy suspicion and mistrust of everyone. Make them earn trust; don’t loan anything of value to anyone ever; lock up your stuff always; don’t let anyone mistreat you even a little bit. Allowing someone to mistreat you gives some people permission to treat you worse the next time. Girls lie. They lie about birth control, seeing other guys, etc. Boys lie. You’re probably not “the one”. Boys and girls can give you the human papilloma virus, a major cause of mouth and throat cancers. If you’ve dated someone and they get intense about you, get help immediately. It will get worse. When in doubt, ask yourself-“Can I live with the short and long-term consequences and is this healthy for me?” Good luck and have fun!
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Topic - Dads and Daughters
Typically, fathers are a girl’s first experience with men. Dad will shape the decisions she’ll make and how competent she becomes. But, a lot of dads are afraid and confused. They’ve got no idea how to raise a girl. Dads can be overwhelmed by all those emotions. Learning which ones to respond to and which to ignore is tricky. How can dads engage their daughters? By doing things together. Teaching her how to be competent is a start. Maybe you can teach her how to catch a ball. If she’s old enough, why not a project? Painting her room or restoring an old dresser may give you “side-by-side” time together. Starting with a project you can leave and come back to may be the best approach. Don’t worry about talking, she’ll do all of that. She’ll respect your patience, skills and knowledge and you’ll just love impressing her.
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Topic - Naming the Baby
Close to having that brand new baby? Has everyone in the family started giving you ideas for naming your little bundle of joy? What, like you haven’t thought of this before now and it’s a big surprise that you need to decide on a name? Long ago, I stopped asking “why” people do the things they do. Listen up. Just because they’re family, they may think they have a right to help you name your baby. They don’t. Your child will be living with that name for decades to come along with the blessings and curse it brings with it. No one has to live with that name but your child. If you want to honor a beloved family member or friend with a middle name that reflects your feelings, do so. It’s the case that your middle name is not on the marquee in lights. Very few people know your middle name, so if you feel that you have to buckle under to family pressure, know that your child can have two middle names. It may turn out to be a blessing, after all.
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Topic - ADHD versus Bipolar
Wonder why your child’s treatment for Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder isn’t working? Are they very angry and aggressive? Are they sad and sometimes, intensely hyperactive? They may childhood-onset bipolar disorder or is it something else? It may be disruptive mood dysregulation disorder. These kids have rageful tantrums. They’re verbally and physically assaultive. They’re irritable and angry most of the day every day. What should you do? Get a complete psychological and educational assessment to determine if they have bipolar disorder or if they have a mood regulation problem. Both of these diagnoses have serious implications for a healthy adjustment to adulthood. If you don’t know what you’re treating, their life could run off the rails.
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Topic - Sleepovers - Yes or No?
Do you let your child sleep over at a friend’s or go to slumber parties? Ask yourself these important questions. Do you know all of the people who will come into contact with your child? Do you know everything about them that’ll make you confident she’s safe around them? Do you know, exactly, what will be going on? Will he be engaging in vandalism? Will your kids learn about aspects of life they’re not ready to know about? Will someone terrorize them? Instead of not letting them go altogether, offer to let them stay until midnight. If they take social flack for your decision, consider having a breakfast bash, a “sleep under” or a late night at your house. Kids come dressed in their jammies and bring their favorite junk food, video games or movies. Maybe you host a spa night, an action movie night, a fashion night. We want these events to be fun, not opportunities for them to have life altering and traumatic experiences.
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Topic - With Them, Not To Or For Them
We’re so involved in the “care and feeding” of our kids that we don’t stop to think about the “prepositions” of raising children. We begin by taking care of them and doing many things for them such as bathing, feeding and clothing. We take them to the doctor and dentist. As they start to develop their language skills, cognitive ability and awareness, it’s time to move away from the “to do” list. Focus time and energy being with them and having a relationship. It’s critical to spend time with them just being together without an agenda of chores to accomplish. If they’re in elementary school, let them stay home. Have a pajama day where you hang out, make pudding for breakfast and watch fun movies and shows. When they move into middle and high school, they can’t miss a day and you’ll have to compete with friends, so make those elementary years count. You’ll have to be more creative as they get older, but work hard at spending time with them to develop trust.
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Topic - Trial by Ordeal
Recently, in the market, I saw a harried woman scrubbing her face with her hand as she spoke on her cell phone. She said, “I swear, my life is trial by ordeal”. I was shocked that I remembered this phrase from high school English. In the Middle Ages, the innocence or guilt of people suspected of crimes was determined in a trial by ordeal which was a painful, dangerous experience. The ordeals included trial by fire (sound familiar?), hot iron, hot water, boiling oil, snakes and poison. There are others, but you get the idea. Basically, if you survived, you were innocent. Scarred for life, but innocent. In twelve fifteen, the Magna Carta was signed laying the foundation for the English legal system. Trial by ordeal was phased out in the 16th century. Yes, our legal system is flawed, but it doesn’t look so bad now, does it?
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Topic - Kids, Sports And Education
A whopping thirty-six million, two hundred fifty thousand school age kids participate in organized sports. Take into consideration the practices, the games, the homework, perhaps going to a tutor or other specialists if there are learning problems, how does all of this get done? It depends on their age. In elementary school, it’s a lot easier than middle or high school. The homework demands in middle school are intense. With six classes and homework for each one, it’s tough to fit in sports or other activities. When kids move into high school, academics cannot be overlooked in any way because their grades will likely dictate the kind of college they attend. What to do? It’s about balance. They need reading, writing and math competence to make it through life. If your kid isn’t headed to the NFL, then sports may have to be recreational. Time for your teenager to make those adult decisions.
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Topic - Developing Gender Identity
How do kids figure out their gender role? They don’t. Their bodies do it for them. We know that gender role identification is a neurological phenomenon just like sexual preference. No one has control over it. To clarify, gender role identification is the person’s own sense of identifying as male or female which may actually be different from their biology. By age two to three, kids have established their gender role identity, identify themselves as boys or girls, recognize what’s expected of and is appropriate for their gender role and observe that others are the same or different sex. Wow. By ages seven to eight, they have an understanding of gender stability. They know that if you’re a boy one day, you’re a boy the next. Parents need to understand this complex process and not overreact to their kids’ activities as they explore other gender roles.
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Topic - Anti-Bullying Programs Are A Crock
Anti-bullying programs. What a crock! They’re only effective in deluding parents that “something” is being done. If the school administration is serious, every principal, counselor, and available adult, will be patrolling the halls, observing the interactions. Their mere presence reduces bullying. In my experience, principals say there’s nothing we can do about it, it’s a police matter. The police say it’s a school issue and the next thing you know, a group of girls has set another girl’s backpack on fire as she walks down the hall, unaware that she’s on fire. That was a real situation. The school staff let it get out of hand. Even when the student moved to another school, the taunting continued. School principals, create a system that works for your school’s particular personality. Create guidelines for parents that make them responsible for their kids’ behavior. That’s when real change will happen.
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Topic - Joint Custody With A Jerk
The divorce industry is a dangerous, nasty business. I read a book called Joint Custody with a Jerk several years ago to help one of my families. The book is even-handed, realistic, practical and covers many topics. It tells you ways to make changes in your life so the divorce devastation is minimized. I’ve been an expert witness in many custody cases. You want to steer clear of that cottage industry known as custody evaluations. No professional can understand the intimate dynamics of a family through a single assessment. The answers to the most frequently used psychological tests have been posted online by parents’ groups. Now, those tools can’t be used to determine a parent’s mental health and competence to raise a healthy child. It’s a losing battle all the way around except for custody evaluators and attorneys. Don’t play and don’t pay. Find another way.
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Topic - Poverty And Working Memory
Being poor affects your memory. Stress has a significant impact on memory skills. People who can’t get their basic needs met have seriously impaired memory. For children, the situation is even worse. Poor kids living in both rural and urban settings have much lower visual and verbal memory ability than do kids from wealthier families. The kids from an impoverished environment, like other kids, have no control over making it better. Their lack of control contributes to their stress. Researchers also found that kids living in poverty in the city had lower memory scores than poor kids in a rural setting. City life is known to be more stressful than country life, so this is an additional stress factor. This information has serious implications for educating poor kids in city schools. Help them build their memory skills so they can get a job and improve their lives.
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Topic - Unemployment Changes Your Personality
The most enduring aspect of personality and the one that’s the most consistent predictor of success is conscientiousness. Conscientiousness is hardwired and reflects carefulness, vigilance and a desire to do well. Conscientious people are well-organized and efficient. This trait takes a hit when people are jobless. The core personality changes under the conditions of unemployment. The longer men are unemployed, the more their conscientiousness declines. Women were more conscientious in the earlier and later stages, but had a slump in the middle. As joblessness continues, men may not see a need to put energy into being organized and efficient because there’s no reason to do anything well. Women, on the other hand, become aware that they’re dropping the ball, get anxious about the decline and resume their previous level of efficiency. Jobs have the power to change us.
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Topic - Mindfulness In School Makes a Difference
This is good news. A program designed to help fourth and fifth graders use mindfulness techniques in the school setting has had some unexpected results. The students were taught breathing techniques and movement exercises. As it turns out these kids showed progress, as expected, in managing their stress, and were more optimistic and helpful. They were better liked by other kids. The unexpected benefit was that they performed better on math tests. It’s likely the case that they were more present and relaxed and actually paid attention to the math signs and the computational process. Math anxiety is a serious issue, resulting in what appear to be careless errors. In reality, mistakes come from working fast to get it done and get away from it. Mindfulness plays a significant role in performing well on tests. Look into it for your student.
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Topic - Teen Sleep Problems and Drug/Alcohol Abuse
Between nineteen ninety four and nineteen ninety six, thousands of teens were asked questions about their sleep habits. Six years later, these same kids still had sleep problems, but also had issues related to binge drinking, driving under the influence of alcohol, risky sexual behavior and illegal drugs. These problems are likely caused by a combination of regulatory disorders like Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder and depression. ADHD often shows up first in childhood when babies have colic and sleep disturbances which are regulatory deficits. Kids don’t just “outgrow these issues”. The problems become more evident as the demands of life increase. The greater the struggle, the less sleep they get and the anxiety becomes overwhelming. They use drugs, alcohol and destructive behavior to distract themselves. Take steps to manage these problems early.
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Topic - College and Autism
People on the autistic spectrum can and do go to college, but there’s a lot to consider before the “big exit”. Even if your child had a stellar performance in high school, get comprehensive testing to check out learning problems and social deficits that were managed in school, but will cause serious problems in college. No parents to monitor them! Check out schools online to learn about autism support programs. Some schools do a great job and others, not so much. Visit schools and ask questions about support services including social mentoring. I find that my clients do best starting at a community college or a local 4-year school. The smaller school reduces the anxiety of sensory sensitivities. The antics of freshmen, problems with understanding sexual situations and being rigid about rules are certain to get them into trouble in a dorm.
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Topic - 4 Rules for Navigating Tweenage Interactions
When they’re about ten years old, kid will start shutting you out. Don’t take it personally. They think they know enough to fly a bit. This is good news. It means they’re developing in a healthy fashion. They won’t answer direct questions, but you’ve gotta stay close. How do you do that? Rule 1, re-establish trust. You had that when they were small, but now, the rules have changed and so, must you. Bite your tongue, don’t violate their confidences and don’t impose your problems on them. Rule 2, get into their world. Familiarize yourself with the latest pop culture. That way, if you have a concern, you can anchor it in those themes. Rule 3, spend brief, but frequent periods of time with them. Make it fun. Say nothing judgmental. Rule 4, observe yourself critically. Go slowly, learn from your interactions and repair any missteps. Redefine yourself as the parent of an emerging adult. That should help. Good luck out there!
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Topic - Can’t Buy Me Love
Is there something in your life that’s valuable to you, but you’re accepting a discount on it? What about the affection and attention of those you love? Do you find yourself being more available and supportive than others are to you? You’re there for them, but they’re not for you. At some point in our lives, we start to think about the time we have left instead of the time we’ve lived. You know that when you have little money, you have to spend it wisely. Reach out to someone who’d like to hear from you. Take the time to play another game of Connect Four or read that book for the millionth time. Love makes you healthy. It releases oxytocin and it makes you feel good. The benefits of being loved run neck-and-neck with loving others. It’s never perfectly balanced, so don’t be an emotional accountant. Take what you get and give what you can. If you’re angry about it, talk to them. Most some people are doing the best they can.
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Topic - 4 Questions To Ask Your Child Everyday
As parents, we interrogate our kids daily. It leaves little room for having real conversations with them. Let Susie and Sam know that you’ll be asking for five minutes of their undivided attention every day to have a “chat”. Let them decide when it will happen. Be flexible, but always keep your agreement. Keep the time limit. Use a stop watch or a sand clock so your child can get a feel for the amount of time you’re spending. From middle school on, they start to put up boundaries, so make it easy for them. Consider these four questions. “What was the best part of your day?” “Who helped you or who did you help?” You could also ask, “Who was nice to you?” “Anything happen to disappoint, frustrate, make you mad, you thought was unfair or unexpected?” and finally, “What can you do to make it better tomorrow?” Once they know what to expect, they’ll start paying attention to the events in their day so they’ll have answers.
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Topic - Sleeping Naked Has Health Benefits
There are health benefits to sleeping without pajamas. Because your body temperature has to drop half a degree in order to trigger the brain’s sleep mechanism, wearing jammies slows down that process. The underarm and groin areas benefit from getting some air at night to prevent bacteria growth. Your body has to work harder to keep you warm at night, so you burn calories and can lose weight while you sleep! You’ll be more comfortable without itchy tags, strangling collars or bottoms riding up. There’s a benefit of increased intimacy with your partner as well as being able to hop out of bed and into the shower. Those who sleep au naturelle have a morning glow because, overall, they’ve slept more soundly. They shed more dead skin and hair during the night, replenish natural oil, improve cleanliness and. Having young kids may make this impossible now, but consider it for later when they’re grown and out of the house.
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Topic - Men and Gift Giving
Many men struggle with coming up with gift ideas for all kinds of events. Mother’s Day, birthdays, anniversaries, all of them create unnecessary anxiety. Every year, it’s the same story. You don’t get what you want and the skirmishes begin. Recognize that men don’t always pay attention to the things we buy, make comments about or express a desire to have. We women just talk so much that some of the critical information “gets lost” in the volumes we speak daily. If gift-giving is interfering with your relationship, it’s time to shift gears. Sit down and have an honest conversation about how to get this done. Maybe you exchange lists outlining specifically want you want. Many items can be bought online. No one has to go to a store, except to buy the card. Still, reminders may help. Ask him to go pick up the prescription and gee, Mother’s Day is coming up. Nothing breeds success like success.
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Topic - Exercise And Memory
Want to really lock in that information into your memory? Work up a sweat about four hours after first learning the data. Those who exercise on this delayed basis had more consistent activity in their hippocampus, an area of the brain involved in memory, suggesting that the consistency of the memories was stronger. Researchers still don’t know exactly how exercise works its memory magic, but they suspect the molecules sparked by aerobic exercise energize dopamine and a protein known to solidify memories. Of course, if you think about the information after you’ve learned it whether you are resting or exercising, you’re able to remember it more competently. We know the mind continues to process information even if you’re not thinking about it, but reviewing makes it more easily retrieved without effort. Study and exercise to make better grades!
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Topic - Men’s And Women’s Brains Response To Smoking
When men and women smoke, their brains respond differently. In men’s brains, dopamine was released consistently and rapidly in the region related to the reward a person feels when they take drugs such as nicotine. For women, the same level of consistent and rapid release of dopamine took place, but for them, it was dumped into a part of the brain that’s critical to forming habits. This information can help design effective treatments that are tailored for both men and women, especially with the educational process. When smokers understand the connection between their behavior and the dynamics in their brains, they can develop the “me” versus “it” mentality that can empower them toward change. Knowledge can shift the balance of power dynamics. Once smokers learn how the nicotine is controlling them, they can fight back. Use every trick you’ve got to stop smoking!
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Topic - Chocolate Cake For Breakfast
This is one of those times when I just love science! Research now reveals there are several health benefits to eating chocolate cake. Oh, tell me more! When you eat chocolate regularly, it improves your cognitive skills as well as your memory and abstract thinking. The brain needs energy immediately after you wake up because your body converts food and energy more efficiently in the morning. A piece of chocolate cake early in the day benefits your brain by giving it the energy it needs and it’s not as likely to end up on your hips if you eat it later. People who eat a lot of protein and carbs for breakfast lose more weight than those who eat a light breakfast later in the day. An additional benefit is that cocoa beans are high in flavonoids which have a positive effect on cell signaling. I’m starting a habit of eggs and chocolate cake for breakfast. I’ll let you know how it goes!
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Topic - Fat and Happy
Have you heard that term, “fat and happy”? Well, it’s true if you’re in love. If you’ve gained weight since you first got together, it’s a good sign because the couples who are slim are more likely to separate. Uh oh! Recent studies revealed that if a couple is satisfied with their relationship, they gain weight. Those extra pounds around the middle have legitimately earned their nickname of “love handles”. People in stable, happy relationships aren’t in the market for another mate, so they don’t need to impress them anymore. Those slim couples may be hedging their bets and need to stay in “marketable” condition, so to speak. There’s a caution here. Couples need to pay attention to their weight gain which can lead to significant health consequences related to diabetes and heart disease. In terms of the “fat and happy” saying, let’s focus more on the happy, than the fat part.
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Topic - Thirdhand Smoke
We’re well aware that secondhand smoke is deadly. It’s killed more than two and a half million people since nineteen sixty four. Now, scientists have discovered thirdhand smoke which is the nicotine and chemical residue that creates a thin film that can be picked up by touch or released back into the air. It gets on everything. The study indicated that the residue winds up on kids’ hands and in their saliva potentially causing health problems. Babies are particularly vulnerable because they spend so much time indoors and because they put their hands in their mouths so much. Thirdhand smoke remains for up to five years. It doesn’t go up in the air and disappear. The film is difficult to clean because of the chemical compounds in it. Stop smoking now. Don’t vape. Those chemicals are worse than tobacco and their effects are unknown. See your doctor. You can’t live with the consequences.
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Topic - Muscular Seniors Have Stronger Brains, Too
Seniors who maintain strong muscles have stronger brains, too. There’s a link between muscle strength in the upper and lower body and thinking skills in older adults. Previously, a connection was documented between muscle strength and a lower risk of Alzheimer’s. There were no definitive statements as to why the connection exists, but from a common sense standpoint, exercise reduces cardiac risk as well as the vulnerability to develop diabetes and have a stroke. Exercise reduces blood pressure and promotes healthy sleep and this may be where the real benefit lies. Sufficient sleep allows the cerebrospinal fluid to clean out debris and toxins from the brain, specifically, beta amyloid which is a protein found in the brains of those who’ve died from Alzheimer’s Disease. Seniors, get out there and move around! Exercise your body and your brain!
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Topic - Taste Buds
We have five thousand taste buds. They aren’t those little things on your tongue that stick out. Those are called papilla and they contain your taste buds. We’ve learned that various taste sensations are all over the tongue because different types of cells within each taste bud are responsible for interpreting various flavors. The whole tongue gets into the act to detect salty, bitter and sweet. Sweet is the only taste that uses the same brain pathways as the drugs involved in addiction. Drugs of addiction actually take over the part of the brain that evolved for tasting food. Did you know sweetness blunts pain and reduces crying in babies? That whole “spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down” has been proven by science. Smoking reduces your ability to taste. People who stop smoking enjoy food again. Keep your tongue healthy by brushing it and keeping your teeth clean.
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Topic - Change It Up
Tired of the same ol, same ol’? Be scandalous. Have breakfast for dinner. Why not? It’s still food! Kids love pancakes? Whip ‘em up with chocolate chips or a schmere of peanut butter or Nutella. Have you ever had a pancake sandwich? Put a poached or fried egg on top of the stack. Make sure the real maple syrup is warmed up and the butter is ready to go. Add some bacon or sausage and you’re set! As for my clients with Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder, I recommend dinner for breakfast. Roast or meatloaf with mashies give them the protein they need to make it through the morning. Maybe a hard-boiled egg sandwich with mustard or a bean and cheese burrito they can eat on the run will do the trick. Fry up a burger for the road. If your kids enjoy sweet in the morning and they want a cinnamon roll, pairing it with protein will help balance their blood sugar. Match their needs to the resources. Be creative.
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Topic - ADHD and Fast Food
Feeding yourself a healthier diet requires planning, organizing, time management, selecting the items, not forgetting the most important ones, having enough money to cover the bill. If you have Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder with its usual planning and organization problems, your diet is likely fast food. Your ADHD brain needs protein, but craves sugars and fats. The more junk you eat, the worse you feel, the more problems you create for yourself. The cycle continues. Grocery stores have extensive hot and cold deli sections. Instead of pulling into a fast food joint, go into the market and get something hot and delicious. Get some extra to have for breakfast and take for lunch. It’s real food and it’s made fresh daily. Who cares if you go in there every other night? You may just end up bringing home some real groceries. Change your habits in tiny steps. Feel better!
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Topic - Rejected And Neglected Kids
Two kinds of kids are rejected by their peers or isolated and ignored by them. Rejected kids are those with psychological and behavioral problems. They’re aggressive, disruptive, and poorly socialized. There’s a strong likelihood their behavior will continue through adulthood. The situation doesn’t improve for them if they move to another school. Neglected kids, on the other hand, are ignored. They improve with intervention and a change in school placement. What’s going on? There may be a learning, language or visual processing problem or a developmental disorder underlying the behavior that causes your child to look different from other kids. Think about your family. Is there an adult relative who had the same issues as a child and struggles to meet the demands of adulthood? Help your child to make a healthy adjustment to life. Have them evaluated and implement interventions so they can be successful.
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Topic - Schizotypal Personality Disorder
Personality disorders are enduring patterns of behavior and inner experiences that deviate substantially from the person’s culture. While these disorders are diagnosed in adulthood, signs are seen in childhood. Schizotypal personality disorder is a combination of social deficits and schizophrenia. People with this disorder have odd thoughts, beliefs and ways of expressing themselves. Their appearance is odd. They have no close friends or relationships outside the family and intense social anxiety keeps them from making friends. Their emotional presentation is flat or restricted in terms of expressions. If your child is ignored, is out of step with or isolated by their classmates and peers, this may be the beginnings of this disorder. A peer group is a thermometer of a kid’s social and emotional health. If they don’t belong to a group, it could signal a problem. Don’t ignore it. Get your child help.
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Topic - Why I Don’t Trust Grades
For school kids, grades are like money. They’re the delayed reward of six weeks’ worth of work. That single grade may not be an accurate reflection of your child’s achievement. If a student has an inconsistent performance, that inconsistency is likely to be hidden by the overall grade. This is why it’s important to keep track of your kid’s daily class performance. Does the pattern tell you your child is doing well on homework, but failing the tests? Maybe she needs extra time to show what she knows or she hasn’t had enough practice to make the concepts at the ready when she needs them. In the classroom, students are primed, prompted and prepared by teachers in order to review the information learned the day before to shore up their foundation in order to move onto the next step. This isn’t what happens on tests. Students sit down and answer the questions. Problems with memory could be undermining them. Ask for a school meeting to address your concerns.
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Topic - Dying Of Embarrassment
Embarrassment is a self-conscious and terribly painful emotion mostly because we’re thinking about and concerned about how others see us. It’s different from shame. Shame hurts more because you focus solely on yourself. Embarrassment is an evolutionary force. Primitive people didn’t have verbal skills. They needed a physical way to show remorse, so blushing, sweating and nervous laughter evolved. Giggling after an embarrassing moment is a way to lower heart rate in order to sincerely apologize. Embarrassment is a universal emotion with a biological basis. There’s a part of the brain the size of a thumb responsible for sensing embarrassment. If it’s larger than your thumb, you’re more prone to being red-faced than others. The positive side is people who show embarrassment are seen as being more genuine, trustworthy and cooperative. Remember, our perception of events is far worse than how others see it.
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Topic - Silent Migraine Headaches
Do you know about silent headaches? These headaches have the classic signs of a migraine without the pain around your temples. During the phase just before the migraine hits, you can get hyper or cranky, have food cravings, be tired and yawn a lot, feel stiff, especially in your neck, need to pee more often and get constipated or have diarrhea. Then, the visual symptoms hit and they last for about an hour including wavy or jagged lines, flashing lights, spots, blind spots, or tunnel vision. Sensory problems include trouble hearing or hearing things that aren’t there, a strange smell or taste, numbness, tingling, weakness, difficulty remembering words or speaking. If your child reports these feelings, don’t ignore them. See your doctor right away.
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Topic - Treating Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder
One of the most challenging conversations I had with parents in the twenty-three years I ran a private practice was when I made a diagnosis of Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder and it came time to discuss treatment. I reviewed the importance of diet, Omega 3 supplements, exercise and treatment options including low energy neurofeedback and medical management. Some parents rejected the idea of medication right away. I understand why they’re worried which is why I sent them to a specialist. I referred my clients to a board-certified child and adolescent psychiatrist. These professionals are the most well-informed and experienced practitioners to get the treatment regimen right sooner rather than later. I didn’t want my clients to go through multiple medication trials. I wanted them to get the best and the most effective treatment as soon as possible so they could enjoy success.
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Topic - E-Cigs Have Many More Carcinogens Than Cigarettes
I’ve written articles on drclaudia.net about the dangers of electronic cigarettes and vaping.
E-cigarettes have been on the US market since two thousand six and only now has the FDA requested testing on the thousands of ingredients that go into making the many flavors used in them.
The latest research indicates that e-cigarettes have ten times more cancer causing ingredients than tobacco products.
We now know that vaping can actually cause life-threatening diseases.
Electronic cigarettes were meant to replace the deadly tobacco habit, but now, the thing that replaced it is even more deadly and even more available to kids.
In two thousand thirteen, nearly three-quarters of a million kids who never smoked tobacco, smoked e-cigarettes, representing a three-hundred percent increase in just two years.
Cigarettes are deadly no matter which kind you smoke.
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Topic - Your Mouth, Life And Death
You don’t think much about your mouth unless something goes wrong, but your oral health is very connected to your physical, emotional and social well-being.
You use your mouth to express affection, feed yourself and defend yourself both verbally and physically.
Two hundred years ago, a baby who couldn’t coordinate their tongue and jaws along with breathing in order to feed, died.
Even now, an infant’s suck response reflects their overall motor development.
As an adult, if you don’t have healthy teeth, adequate saliva or jaw strength, the kinds of foods you can eat are limited.
Infections in your teeth and gum can lead to serious heart disease. Tongue, salivary gland, tonsil and throat cancers, especially in men, have increased over the past decade due to the human papillomavirus.
Be aware of the risks. Keep your mouth healthy and clean. See your dentist regularly. You’ll be glad you did.
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Topic - Snoozin’
The amount of sleep you need is genetically determined. If you’re from a family of “sleepers”, you’ll simply need more sleep than others.
Three factors influence why we sleep the way we do.
First, circadian rhythm slows at night. Your energy naturally goes down just like the sun.
Second, melatonin surges at night and causes the anticipation of darkness.
And third, sleep pressure increases when daylight subsides.
Sleep deprivation leads to weight gain. Leptin, the hormone that tells you when you’re full, drops when you’ve had little sleep.
Accelerated aging, increased risk of diabetes, breast and prostate cancer as well as a serious reduction in your ability to fight off seasonal viruses result from poor sleep patterns.
Pain sensitivity increases after pulling all-nighters.
Lead a longer, healthier life. Get some rest.
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Topic - Overlooked Issues In College, Year One
There is a serious, but overlooked issue for first year college students. Make sure you and your student understand the school’s policies about drug and alcohol use.
If they have a medical emergency and require intervention as the result of using substances, will they be automatically released from the school?
Are they taking prescription medications that need to be locked up?
Before going to college, your student needs to talk with their physician about interactions with illegal drugs, alcohol and energy drinks. This includes oral contraceptives.
Make sure they know how to access medical services on campus. If they’re in a pinch, they can call a local pharmacist to ask about the timing of taking their meds and their plans to party that night.
Despite what you’ve taught them, they’re likely to take chances. Teach them how to help themselves stay out of trouble and stay in school.
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Topic - The Benefits Of A Garage
Decades ago, most cars had basic parts. Now, we have lot of computers running cars and it makes it tough for the “do-it-yourself” mechanic.
But, the basics are still there. Oil and filters, brake pads, drums and rotors, transmission fluid, power steering fluid and lots more still need regular attention.
I recommend that your teenagers, girls and boys, learn basic car maintenance and emergency procedures. Once they get on the road, it’s up to them because you won’t be there.
Get a small group of teens together for a couple of lessons and hire a mechanic to give instructions. Be prepared to learn alongside your teen so that you can remind them of the concepts.
Make sure they have the necessary supplies in their car in case they get into trouble. Help them learn how to keep a maintenance schedule and make them responsible for keeping it.
Teach them the procedures for getting help while keeping themselves safe.
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Topic - The Important Stuff Happens Early
The important stuff happens early in a child’s life.
By age 5, kids have a fairly stable sense of self-esteem. Self-esteem is the degree to which you feel positively about all aspects of yourself-intelligence, competence, physical attributes and how you compare to others and whether or not you have what it takes to get the job done.
Kids know when they’re doing well and when they’re not. Give them as much of the truth as they can handle.
If they want to improve, they’ll ask, but no pushing.
There are two things that you must expect from them at all times. A positive attitude and a genuine effort.
They may not be the best at a skill, but if they approach it with a positive attitude and the best effort they’ve got, it will go a long way to helping them reach their goals.
These are the skills that employers look for in a candidate. Teach them what counts and be honest.
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Topic - Waiting For A Job
Twenty-three million Americans between the ages of 18 and 34 are living with their parents due to unemployment and high student debt. This is the highest number in the modern era.
I have an idea that’s been working pretty well over the past 10 years. I ask these young people to offer their services free of charge.
The strategy is for them to work at a business in which they majored. I suggest that they let the human resources department know they want to see what the reality of the job is like and agree to sign on for at least 2 months.
Negotiate like crazy to get a foot in the door.
This effort is healthy on several levels. It gets them out into the world of work and work gives meaning to life.
They learn from the people who work there about their choices and if they’d make a change. They see what the employees do every day and if they prove that they can get up, dress up and show up with a great attitude, they might just be hired.
Go get ‘em!
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Topic - Near Drowning
For every drowning, there are six hundred near drowning events. Near drowning is described as “almost dying from suffocating under water”.
It’s the last stage before death. They’re alive when they get to the hospital.
If a nearly drowned person is cold, check for a pulse for one minute before starting CPR. Be careful moving their head and spine due to injury.
Remove clothing and cover with a blanket. The Heimlich maneuver doesn’t help.
Most kids who experience near drowning recover without long-term effects.
If they’re younger than three or have spent ten minutes under water, they could end up in a vegetative state, be paralyzed, have seizures, orthopedic injuries and suffer from frequent infections. In these situations, long-term, out-of-home care is likely.
Keep your kids within reach when you’re in the water.
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Topic - Pets and Autism
Dogs have been used as support for years, starting out as guide dogs for those with vision problems.
More recently, they’ve been employed to treat anxiety associated with post-traumatic stress disorder and for those with medical conditions such as seizures and diabetes. Some dogs can sniff out cancer.
Recent research tells us that all kinds of pets can benefit those with autism. Pets attract others into interactions which develop confidence, assertiveness and increase social skills in children.
Having a dog gives kids on the spectrum greater opportunities for sensory activities such as brushing. Caring for a pet improves strength and coordination.
Responsibility, joy and a sense of well-being are the emotional benefits of a pet.
If you’re considering an autism assistance dog, consult with Autism Service Dogs of America to learn more.
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Topic - Morbid Curiosity And Social Media
Humans have a very powerful need to know. This need has launched us into outer space, to the depths of the ocean, to advances in technology and medicine.
It also has a morbid side where we spend way too much time on social media learning about our “ex’s” latest girlfriend, the popular kids from high school and our co-workers.
We just have to know the knowable even if what we learn is painful.
Humans can’t cope with uncertainty. “It’s a blessing and a curse”.
You’ve heard the proverb, “Curiosity killed the cat, but satisfaction brought it back”. That proverb is a warning about the dangers of investigating, the results of which create more questions, hence the “satisfaction” comment.
So, shut off your emotional system, engage your thinking skills and resist going onto those records search sites to learn more. Check your unfinished business and clean it up.
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Topic - My Spare Time Is Between 2 And 4 AM
When I was a working mother, my spare time was between 2 and 4 a.m.
I’d see the mother in the market doing four things at once. If I could, I’d tell her that she’s got to make changes.
I’m not gonna tell her what doctors told me…rest, get some exercise. We’d both laugh at such ridiculousness.
I’d tell her to learn to say no to anything optional. Save your strength. Make small changes. Back down a little at a time.
Prioritize. Decide how YOU want to spend every day. Read Crazy Busy by Ed Hallowell. It’s brief and powerful.
Change your breathing. Stop hyperventilating through life. You’re exhausting yourself and getting sick.
When a cashier gives me a “yoo-hoo” and tells me “This line is available, I say, ‘No, let me just stand here, I need the rest!’”
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Topic - Adult Coloring Book. Really?
At first, I was really critical about adult coloring books. Even mean-spirited about them, after all, who’s got time for this nonsense?
But then, I had a different idea.
You can sit down and color for just a few minutes and let your mind wander. It’s freeing because it’s not goal oriented.
Letting your mind wander and shifting gears from what you were doing to just coloring releases dopamine.
Dopamine contributes to the reward system and when dopamine flows, you’re more creative.
If you have a problem that you’re stuck on, coloring just may help you get unstuck.
Some people think that coloring may bring us back to that nostalgic time in elementary school when life was easy giving us a break from the pressures of adulthood.
Coloring is healthier than boozing it up and it is, after all, art and art is inherently worthwhile.
So, color away and give your brain a rest. You deserve it.
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Topic - Smoking Marks Your DNA
We’ve heard many times how much smoking damages your heart and lungs, but did you know it can leave a “mark” on your DNA so that it changes the way your genes work?
It changes your DNA so that you’re set up for gut, bone, dental and skin problems.
Smoking has far greater impact than we ever knew.
There’s good and bad news.
The good news is that your genes can recover within five years of quitting, but some genetic changes persist even thirty years later, that’s how powerful smoking is.
Considering that in the womb children of mothers who drink develop a taste for alcohol, I wonder if it’s the same with smoking.
Do children of parent who smoke inherit those marked genes?
My question to you is, “Can you live with the consequences?” How will you feel if your 20-year old comes down with a disease related to your smoking?
Quit now. There’s medical and emotional support for you. Go get it.
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Topic - Autobiographies And Biographies Are Important
The stories written about people’s lives by themselves or by others are incredibly inspiring for kids.
It’s not Hollywood making up stories about courage, strength and the ability to keep moving forward despite all odds, it’s the real deal.
Hearing their own words and feeling their feelings make the stories come alive. Many of these books are offered in a “young readers” version.
People of all races, backgrounds and many fields of endeavor are featured in these books.
Take the story of Katherine Johnson, now 98 years old, who was a “human computer” for NASA’s first launches. The movie of her life called Hidden Figures was released in late twenty sixteen and is rated PG.
My point is that there are many people who’ve made significant contributions to our history who aren’t featured in the textbooks, but who could inspire your child’s life.
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Topic - Euthanizing Your Pet
Don’t let your beloved dog or cat simply disappear from your child’s life without knowing what happened.
Our cat was struck and killed by a car and she died at the vet’s office. Our son didn’t get to say goodbye.
This may sound ghoulish, but the vet offered to keep her body and let him see her.
When we walked into the office, there she was, comfortably curled up in grand kitty fashion. No sign of trauma. Very peaceful.
The vet explained that kitty was old and probably had a seizure and couldn’t get out of the way. Very comforting.
We honored her by collecting cat food and taking it to the local shelter. We came home with a dog.
This was a chance to introduce our 9-year old son to death. We gave him our beliefs about how it works. It comforted him.
We didn’t leave him alone to figure it out for himself. Be ready to explain so that your child can accept and move on.
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Topic - Are Your Kids Holding You Hostage?
Do your kids fight with each other and you end up fixing everything all of the time? That’s not your job.
Your job is to keep them from harming themselves and each other, model healthy problem-solving, clearly identify the rules and implement swift and meaningful consequences for violating them.
Stay out of the madness by remaining neutral during their arguments.
Stop their forward motion. If they fight in the car, pull over.
Be prepared to be late and tell the truth about the reasons why you’re not on time. Let the coach take care of it. They’ll run laps for being late. Perfect.
Be prepared to leave. If they act out in public, take the food to go, leave the shopping cart, leave the movie and the party. Take two cars so one parent can leave if one child is disruptive.
Don’t let them hold the family hostage with their behavior.
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Topic - Things You Should Never Tell Your Kids
I saw an internet video where a 3 year old was in the car and his mother was recording him.
He had been crying for some time and was exhausted. His distress was over pollution and climate change.
Why is a child this age concerned about this?
His parents created the anxiety in him.
First thing you never tell your kids are those things over which they have no control and cannot possibly understand. These things will frighten and traumatize them.
The second thing you never tell your kids are those adult issues about which they have little-to-no information, experience or judgment and can only react to with fear and confusion.
They can’t understand infidelity, bankruptcy, the national debt or diseases and disorders that affect family and friends.
Children are wonderful observers of the world, but are terrible at interpreting what all of it means. Keep it to yourself.
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Topic - Calculators And Counting On Fingers
Solving math problems by counting on your fingers is frowned upon and was once thought to reflect low intelligence, but that’s not the case.
Many kids with a tactile approach to learning benefit from touching their fingers to help them problem solve.
I say let them do what works for them. With a tremendous amount of practice, they’ll get to the point where the information can be accurately retrieved from their memory banks when they need it.
The same concept applies to using a calculator. In order to end up with the correct answer, they have to key in the right numbers and perform the operations in the correct sequence.
Visual and kinesthetic senses support their thinking skills.
Allowing kids to use a calculator to check their math homework or outrightly do it when it’s getting late will support their learning process.
They’ll be less resistant to doing homework if they can have some support.
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Topic - Pets Strengthen Your Immune System
Long-term studies have proven that when kids are exposed to cats and dogs during the first year of life, they have a forty-eight percent lower risk of having an allergy to those pets than kids without exposure.
In fact, prenatal exposure to dogs can reduce a kid’s chance of developing those allergies.
As it turns out, we’re keeping our kids too clean.
The hygiene hypothesis says that the lack of early childhood exposure increases allergies by suppressing the development of a strong immune system.
Apparently, kids need to get dirty in order to exercise their body’s response to invaders.
Erma Bombeck, American humorist, frequently said that homes should be clean enough to be healthy and dirty enough to be happy meaning that basic tidiness is important for health, but we shouldn’t focus on cleanliness at the expense of hanging out with our kids.
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Topic - Reading And Dogs
Dogs can help kids read better. When children read to dogs, it motivates them to read more and helps to reduce shame over reading problems.
Dogs don’t judge. They don’t tell them when they’ve missed a word; they’re patient listeners and love any attention their families give them.
Dogs always find the time to sit and listen to a story. Their quiet demeanor trains kids to be calm when they read.
More and more dogs are being introduced to classrooms because they’re a positive influence. They encourage independence and reduce aggression.
They foster empathy and support for one another.
Animal shelters across America have programs for children to read to the dogs.
Reading reduces the dogs’ anxiety and increases their chances of being adopted. It’s a win-win for the dogs and the kids.
Encourage your kids to read to the family pet. It’ll be fun and helpful.
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Topic - Child Abduction Prevention
Learn how child predators work and ways to teach your kids to protect themselves.
Gavin de Becker, security expert and author of Protecting the Gift teaches parents effective strategies to reduce their children’s risk.
This whole idea of “stranger danger” just doesn’t work.
One of my clients told me that, as a child, he waited outside the dressing room while his mother tried on a bathing suit. A man grabbed him.
As they went through the store, the man hurt his wrist and he cried out. Otherwise, it would have been a tragedy.
I asked why he didn’t yell before that. He said, “I was inside. I had to use my inside voice”.
His mother had told him all about strangers, but in that moment, the rules that she reinforced over and over and over took hold and he used his inside voice.
Do more to protect your children from predators. Read the book Protecting the Gift and practice safety strategies.
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Topic - Subtracting From Your IQ
I’ve tested a lot of kids who didn’t think they were smart. Oh, they were smart alright and I had the proof.
They judged their intelligence by their terrible grades. They had no idea they were really smart.
Why the discrepancy between their intelligence and their grades? The issue is with executive functioning.
These deficits subtract from their IQ. They don’t plan in order to get tasks done at the right time. They usually run short.
When they get around to starting the assignment, they don’t finish it because they can’t keep their attention span.
They lose materials. They forget what the assignment was and they get frustrated easily.
They don’t monitor themselves as they move through the assignment and get “off course”.
When they study for tests, they fail because they forget the materials or missed some of the notes.
Disheartening and disappointing. They lose hope and the behavior problems erupt. Get them tested and get them help.
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Topic - Boys Take The Hit
Boys get hit four times in life before middle school. The first is genetic.
Boys have XY chromosomes and girls have XX. Girls have an extra “leg” on the chromosome to protect them from genetic disorders.
The second is that boys’ brains take a number of turns during development in order to make it male.
Girls take a straight shot to daylight. Fewer brain problems.
The third factor is size. Boys are usually larger resulting in more complicated deliveries.
Finally, we don’t understand or tolerate boys the way they need us to. We make unrealistic expectations.
We diagnose their personalities and behaviors instead of giving them a wide berth and more time.
Help them deal with their young brains and busy bodies. So much of what goes on with them is out of their control.
You can make or break them with your words and actions. Be careful.
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Topic - Fatal Fads
Every year, teenagers die from taking a dare. The latest is the ice and salt challenge.
Kids rub salt on their skin and apply ice cubes. They end up getting frostbite and nerve damage.
Their reward is posting photos of their wounds online.
Kids choked to death from the marshmallows they stuffed in their mouths for the Chubby Bunny game.
The Cinnamon challenge also proved to be fatal. Kids ate a spoonful of ground cinnamon and they died from lung damage.
Vodka eyeballing involves pouring vodka into the eye socket where it’s immediately delivered to the bloodstream and kids get drunker faster. Of course, their corneas melt in the process.
Car surfing, vodka gummy bears and the fire challenge. Who knows what’s next?
It’s important that you learn about the latest challenges out there. Keep an eye on these trends so you can have a talk with your kids about the dangers.
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Topic - Secondary Drowning
Secondary drowning, also known as “delayed drowning”, can cause serious health problems despite the innocent-looking initial symptoms.
Secondary drowning is a form of “wet drowning” because a small amount of water gets into the lungs, but not enough to cripple breathing right away.
A child may just choke and gasp and recover quickly and parents are only temporarily alarmed.
That water that gets into their lungs? It just sits there and quietly prevents the lungs from oxygenating blood the way they’re supposed to.
Over the course of the next several hours, kids have increasing difficulty breathing.
If they have rapid shallow breaths with flared nostrils, chest pain, vomiting, extreme fatigue, blue lips, pale skin or changes in behavior including being combative, argumentative or cranky, get to an emergency room immediately.
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Topic - Good Enough Is
Erma Bombeck, American humorist, is known for saying that a house should be “Clean enough to be healthy and dirty enough to be happy”.
That one statement was powerful and stuck with me for many years. She’s right, “Good enough is”.
We should focus on the “process of parenting” instead of the “product”.
We parents should spend time helping our kids become who they want to be. This means shoring up their weaknesses and showcasing their strengths.
We shouldn’t work on making them into who we want them to be.
So, leftovers are good enough, a mostly clean home is good enough, laundry done, but still in the dryer is good enough.
Accept any and all help and accept the way the help is offered.
It’s not perfect, but good enough.
This will take teeny tiny baby steps, so practice that good enough really is.
Kids need parents to be present in their lives. They don’t need you to be perfect.
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Topic - Kinds Of Love
We talk about love as if there’s just one kind. Actually, there are many kinds of love.
Eros or romantic love, is the driving force for survival and reproduction.
Storge (storgay) is the unconditional love found in families.
Pragma love is practical and found long-term mutual interest.
Ludus love is best described as “playful” with a “no strings attached” agreement.
Philautia is self-love. Agape love is the universal love for all things.
Agape underlies altruism or selflessness which causes a release of oxytocin which encourages feelings of love and tenderness.
Finally, there’s Philia which is friendship love and it arises out of a sense of good will.
The Mindbenders nineteen sixty five song, It’s a groovy kind of love, was clearly about eros love, but all love is kinda groovy, don’t you think?
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Topic - Wired For Revenge
Revenge. An eye for an eye it’s said, leaves everybody blind.
It’s the most primitive form of justice and takes place when there are no formal laws, but that’s not us here in America.
We see people exacting revenge fueled by irrational passion. When we think of revenge or act on it, the reward centers of the brain are activated.
The human brain is wired for revenge. In order to be satisfying, the recipient must know there’s a connection between the original offense and retaliation.
The one who retaliates must watch the suffering.
Revenge keeps the wound open and the cycle of retaliation causes more harm than the blow that started the whole thing, thus the phrase about digging two graves when seeking revenge.
Make an attempt to learn all of the facts and set things right before keying their car.
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Topic - A Different Political Opinion Is A Threat
People challenging your political beliefs lately? What about your religion?
Our neurology is the reason we respond so intensely to challenge.
The brain’s “default mode” engages when a person thinks about their inner world. The “executive attention network” is activated when dealing with the external world.
Because religion and political positions are so closely associated with our basic identity, the parts of our brain that signal we’re under attack light up when we’re challenged.
When the brain starts screaming “threat, threat, threat!”, reasoning shuts down and emotions take over.
Political and religious beliefs are laid down early in our development and influence the kinds of friends we have and the jobs we accept, so it’s easy to see how our belief system is continually reinforced.
Knowing where your intense feelings are coming from will help you put the fight in perspective. Keep it healthy, people.
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Topic - Delayed Gratification Of The Marshmallow Test
Two of the most important character traits you can teach your kids are delayed gratification and honesty.
You can begin to teach putting off immediate reward for a larger one that is given later by creating exercises such as the famous marshmallow test.
For this test, a young child was left alone with a treat and told if they didn’t eat it, they could have more in a few minutes, then the adult left and the child was recorded.
Some kids ate the treat and then lied.
Many years later, the kids who didn’t eat the treat had higher rates of college graduation, were wealthier and healthier.
This study is important. It tells us that children need to have parent education and practice to achieve this skill.
It doesn’t come naturally. Give them chances to learn to wait and work for a reward and when they don’t tell the truth, treat the event like the life lesson that it is without harsh punishment.
Set your child up for success.
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Topic - The Importance Of Hair
Samson, rock stars, a Broadway show, the Cowsills. What do they all have in common?
Hair. Hair may have a spiritual nature. It also has historical significance.
Humans are the only mammals whose hair grows without stopping unlike the fur of animals.
When Genghis Khan conquered China, he needed a special strategy to make the strong intelligent people submit so he made all of the women cut their hair short and wear bangs to keep them timid and easy to control.
After that time, shorter hair became prominent and the importance of hair was lost. “Cut hair” was a sign of slavery.
For women, hair is symbolic of femininity and for men, a sign of virility.
People who lose their hair during medical treatment often see it as a sign of disfigurement and this feeling can impact treatment.
Hair is a big deal.
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Topic - It’s Not Fair! It’s Just Not Fair!
If you think that life is fair, you’re setting yourself up for lower self-esteem.
Kids from poor families who believe that our social system is fair have lower levels of self-esteem, poor classroom performance and greater rates of delinquency by the time they’ve reach the eighth grade.
At this age, they have the ability to understand power, privilege and systematic discrimination.
When people think their lot in life is their fault, a paralyzing hopelessness sets in. They believe they can’t escape their condition, so they see themselves as worthless and act out.
Teaching these kids about how the system works and when it doesn’t helps them to cope with their situation and see that they can influence their destiny.
They learn education and training, result in a job with a living wage. It’s an escape from poverty and despair.
They can take responsibility for their lives and participate in the economy.
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Parents Are Farmers
Over the years of teaching and testing children, teens and young adults, I’ve been lucky to work with quite a few kids over the course of their careers, from elementary school through the bar exam.
Here’s what I know. Parents are farmers. We plant the seeds at the right time and under the best conditions possible.
We carefully tend to the seedlings and saplings by giving them just enough water, pray for the right amount of sunlight and rain.
Pray there are no destructive bugs, winds or blight to destroy the plants or fruit. You hope there’s no early frost.
You hold your breath, do everything you can and bring in the harvest.
It’s a constant battle against everything destructive, most of which you have no control over, while you lean into the work and focus on the good things.
You’re both realistic and optimistic. We parents have a lot in common with farmers, but the most precious thing we share is hope.
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Topic - Dying Declarations
When you go to a cemetery and read the headstones, you see the birth and death dates with that dash in between.
Know that the “dash” is all that really mattered.
Ever thought about your last words? If you’re under the age of 60, probably not.
At a certain point in your life, you shift from thinking about how many years you’ve lived to how many years you have left.
Medieval English courts had a principle that “no one on the point of death should be presumed to be lying”.
The first evidence of a dying declaration was found in a legal case from the year twelve hundred two.
Once we realize our own mortality, an unconscious terror sets in and when we speak with a positive emotional tone, it serves as protection against that deep fear.
How you spent your life, that dash on the tombstone, determines your final words. Make your “dash” count.
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Topic - Magical Recorded Books
Want to keep their voices alive forever? Here’s my secret.
Ask those beloved family members and friends to record a variety of books for your children using the video feature of their smartphone or computer.
Let them know it’s OK to talk to each other and laugh.
Have them make a distinctive noise such as knocking on the table or ringing a bell or whatever is fun to let you know it’s time to turn the page.
If the book is for a specific child, they can add commentary using their name.
As each child approaches the time when the book will be right for them, follow along while grandma and grandpa read and tease each other and say sweet things to their grandchild.
Reading to a child in this way creates the love of reading that will serve them for many years.
To have those voices come alive for your own grandchildren will be priceless.
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Topic - Childhood Fears
Many of the calls I would get at my office were about childhood fears.
Depending on their age, kids naturally have fears.
Fear protects us. If we weren’t afraid, we’d die really early.
Be glad when you observe fear in your child. It means they’re beginning to make sense of the world and what it means to them.
The cognitive skills of cause-and-effect are emerging.
Be calm when your kids are fearful. Don’t shame them. They require comfort and a common sense approach, otherwise, they won’t move past their anxiety to deal with the situation rationally.
Common fears include the dark, strangers, heights, animals, blood, insects, death and being left alone.
If your child is overcome by multiple fears which aren’t going away and are restricting their lives, it’s time to get help. Anxiety doesn’t usually go away on its own.
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Topic - Autism and Anxiety
Anxiety is a serious problem for those on the autistic spectrum.
Don’t dismiss it by saying, “Oh it’s just part of autism”.
Anxiety undermines even the most effective treatments and makes life miserable for them.
Just as any other child, they’re experiencing developmental periods and once they pass through them, the opportunity to learn is lost.
Serious differences in the autistic brain make it difficult for them to control their anxiety.
One of the major differences is that the emotional part of the brain is much larger and interprets faces as threatening. This threat activates anxiety which is problematic because faces are everywhere!
If your child, teen or young adult is seriously impacted with anxiety, speak with a board certified child and adolescent psychiatrist who is well-versed in autism.
Determine the best approach to reduce misery and improve performance.
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Topic - 708 Every Year
Every year, during June, July and August, seven hundred eight kids under the age of fourteen drown in their backyard pools.
Completely preventable.
There are two times in life when you’re vulnerable to drowning-when you’re younger than five years and when you’re between fifteen and twenty-five.
Young children die because they’re not being watched carefully enough and the fifteen to twenty-five year olds, mostly males, drown during recreational activities at lakes, beaches and rivers where alcohol or drugs are involved.
Three hundred fifty kids under the age of five drown in pools yearly.
Drowning is a quiet death. No splashing, no screaming.
Seconds count. Once water is taken into the lungs, even after the first gasp, serious damage starts happening.
It takes a full medical team to save their lives. Keep your kids within arm’s reach when you’re in the water.
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Topic - Sleeping Together
Before the eighteen hundreds, family members all slept together.
Small homes and inadequate heat during winter made us huddle together. Our sleep patterns were different then because most people were farmers.
In the mid-to-late eighteen hundreds, strict Victorian modesty and ideas of cleanliness dictated that people begin sleeping in rooms in separate beds.
Light bulbs and factory night shifts caused people to be up and working at all hours, so the idea of bedrooms and personal beds allowed people to sleep during the comings and goings of others.
Sleep deprivation became a problem that Edison anticipated with the widespread use of light bulbs.
Modern conveniences and digital devices are causing the sleep problems we have today.
Billions of dollars each year are spent on sleep aids.
Shut off the devices 3 hours before sleeping. Get some rest.
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Topic - Complaining Rewires Your Brain
Complaining causes depression and anxiety. Why?
Because the more you complain, the more you wire your brain to complain even more. Here’s the story.
When you do something, brain cells fire in a certain sequence. If you’re doing something for the first time, that sequence is weak.
So, the more you do something, the sequence gets stronger and stronger and begins to fire off automatically. If you complain a lot, you’re gonna complain more because practice makes perfect.
What follows is a focus on the bad things in life and an overall negative outlook which makes it easier to become anxious, hopeless and depressed.
Want to stop this? Observe yourself.
Notice how much you actually complain. Stop yourself before or even in the middle of a complaint and think about one thing that’s positive.
Train yourself to be more pleasant to be around.
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Topic - Women Need More Sleep
Women need more sleep than men. What? Like that’s news to us?
As it turns out, we use our brains more everyday than men and the more you use your brain, the more sleep you need.
Again, we know this. Even when men have complex jobs filled with decision-making and responsibility, they still don’t need as much sleep as women.
Women’s brains have more complex wiring than men, so we need at least 20 more minutes of sleep than they do.
One of the differences is that we have a larger prefrontal cortex which is the part of the brain behind the forehead that’s responsible for planning, organizing, starting and finishing tasks and monitoring while problem-solving.
See what I mean? We’re tired!
When you’re sleep-deprived, you have more intense feelings of hostility and anger. Nobody wants that.
Help us out a little. Let us sleep!
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Topic - Autism’s Touch
Autism is more than a disorder of the brain, skin may also be involved.
An altered sense of touch may influence the developing brain in ways that lead to social deficits and anxiety.
Intense sensitivity to touch leads to fewer interactions with others and less opportunity to learn and practice social skills.
Chronic physical discomfort from clothing, shoes, glasses and even food increases anxiety.
There’s a window of time where the over-reaction to being touched can be treated.
The goal is to reduce sensitivity and restore normal sensation through medications and perhaps, genetic manipulations.
For now, occupational therapy and activities that reduce sensitivity are the most reasonable approaches.
The misery index is high for these those on the autistic spectrum. Do what you can to make them comfortable.
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Topic - To Vape Or Not To Vape
Electronic cigarettes have been on the market since 2000, but only now is the FDA calling for testing of the additives and flavorings used in vaping products.
The toxic gases linked to the heat-triggered breakdown of the liquids used to make vapor may cause different kinds of diseases than traditional tobacco products, but may be just as dangerous.
We don’t know yet. And, for those people still smoking tobacco, the combination of the toxic gases and the smoke from cigarettes may come together to form yet a third class of diseases.
To date, research has shown that vaping reduces immune system and may cause hyperactivity in children born to mothers using these products.
Sperm quality and production is known to be impaired. Stick with the science. Call your doctor. Get the facts.
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Topic - Rescuing Your Kid
Your 13 year old is at his friend’s house. The friend wants to break into the liquor cabinet and get drunk. Your kid wants out of this.
Give him an easy way out. Have this plan.
He pretends he got a text from you and sends you the emergency code. You see the code and call him.
He knows it’s a ploy. You yell at him to get himself home or you’re coming for him and he’s in a world of trouble. It’s an escape hatch.
Help your kid to develop judgment about dangerous situations and ways to get out of them. You do that by having a plan and by having the right attitude.
Once they’re safe, no yelling, threats or punishments. They’re not responsible for others, but they are responsible for their own safety. Reward them for that.
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Topic - Pornography Distorts The Sexual Experience
The impact of pornography on teen brains is unknown, but we know that the average age of first exposure to it is between 11 and 12.
It’s dangerous because there’s no social judgment or emotional connection.
It’s selfish and requires no consideration of others. It promotes isolation and self-satisfaction. There’s no intimacy.
It’s all just excitability, but that’s what adolescence is all about and one reason why it’s consumed by so many pre-teens.
The ugly side is that it may end up distorting kid’s sense of sex. They may learn to become aroused over violent acts or engage in risky sexual behavior.
The bottom line is they’re not ready. Use strong parental controls to keep it away from your kids at least when they’re at home.
Encourage open discussions about sex. Let them know you have answers to their questions.
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Topic - Ideas For Summer Activities
Every year, it’s the same story. The school year is hard enough, but what ideas can we come up with for summer?
Today’s kids have to have something to do otherwise they sit in front of computer games and that’s not good.
Decades ago, kids were told to “go outside and play” and we just figured it out. There were lots of kids in the neighborhood to play with.
Now, fun comes to you. Raddish sends you cooking projects and the Dad Lab gives you great ideas for easy science fun.
Need to get your kids out of the house for a while? What about The Tinkering School to develop their curiosity or an Outward Bound adventure to give them confidence and self-sufficiency?
Have a child with special needs? Autism Speaks has ideas for your kids on the spectrum and kids with ADHD can find fun summer activities just for them on the CHADD, Children with Attention Deficit Disorder, website.
Good luck!
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Topic - Schizophrenia
The Social Security Administration pays out billions of dollars in disability every year for those with schizophrenia.
It’s a debilitating neurological disorder leading to erratic behaviors and distorted thinking.
On one occasion, a teenage boy was referred to me for concerns about ADHD. My final diagnosis was schizophrenia, but first it was necessary to rule out temporal lobe epilepsy which shares symptoms with schizophrenia.
Mother reported having a flu bug in the first trimester of pregnancy.
I explained that when hot spots of schizophrenia were found all over the planet, the World Health Organization concluded that certain flu viruses caused the sacs in the brain that hold spinal fluid to be larger than normal which presses on the brain causing hallucinations and disturbed thinking.
Many mental illnesses have a biological component.
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Topic - TSA Helps Those With Autism To Fly
The Transportation Safety Administration offers an amazing program that helps those with autism, intellectual and other disabilities to fly more comfortably.
Twenty-one hundred participants and their families have enjoyed the Wings for Autism program that holds events at seventeen airports across the country.
The program offers an “airport rehearsal” so these special passengers can become familiar with the sights, sounds and activities of flying.
Those with disabilities frequently experience sensory problems that make such an active environment intolerable. Learning how they will respond in that setting will help you to prepare.
TSA also provides a support specialist for those flyers who need extra help getting through security.
If you want to know more, do an online search for “TSA supports Wings for Autism”. Contact information about services and events are on that site.
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Topic - Autism’s Savvy Side
There’s a saying that when one sense isn’t working, other senses take over to compensate.
This might be true for adults with high functioning autism who were studied to determine if other senses could be tapped to enhance their social functioning.
It was learned that while they don’t take in sufficient information from facial expressions, they were able to recognize feelings and other personal traits from voices as well or better than those adults without autism.
This doesn’t mean those skills can be generalized to daily life, but it does suggest their difficulties may be primarily visual. In this case, therapies such as visual cognitive training may enhance their social skills.
Recruiting their stronger auditory understanding of emotions and pairing with visual input might give them greater social satisfaction.
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Topic - Women Get Sicker Than Men
Men and women come down with infections at about the same rate, but women suffer worse symptoms for longer periods of time.
For days one and two, you both feel terrible. From day three and beyond, women feel worse.
The reason that dads get better faster might be related to hormonal differences. These differences may impact the immune system’s reaction to infection.
Situational factors likely play a role. Women tend to be responsible for both work and home life and are stretched thin.
Minimal sleep and eating on the run, along with significant stressors creates havoc with the immune system.
And, when women get sick, the responsibilities don’t go away. Kids still need to be fed, laundry done, dishes washed and homework completed.
Everything is a number one priority. Even when you’re sick, mom, you’ve gotta keep going.
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Topic - Slow Processing Speed and ADHD
Parents tell me, “My son is Tigger, bouncing all over the place, but he does his schoolwork so slowly. What’s going on?”
The problem is with the white matter areas of the brain. In those with Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder, Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder and autism, their one common trait is abnormal white matter.
White matter plays a crucial role in communication between various regions of the brain.
In all three conditions, the problem was with the connection between the right and left hemispheres.
For the ADHD population, it’s the white matter in the emotional system that causes behavior and executive functioning problems, specifically processing speed because the hemispheres take so long to talk to each other.
Just because your Tigger moves at the speed of light, when it comes to coordinating their brains for schoolwork, they have a real reason for working at a snail’s pace. Be patient.
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Topic - Endorphin Rush From Eating Just About Anything
Oh, so that’s what’s happening! You’re probably one of the millions of Americans who want to lose a few pounds, but it’s impossible! Here’s the problem.
No matter what you put in your mouth, junk food or salad, your entire brain will release endorphins which are opioids.
The opioid system regulates eating and appetite and when it goes awry, those pounds show up on the scale.
This is dangerous because when the brain is stimulated from eating, your risk of obesity rises, too.
Overeating supercharges the opioid system. It’s all connected and very powerful.
Picture this. You eat and your brain gets a dose of endorphins. Now, you want to eat more and, more opioids are released and on it goes.
What should you do?
Be aware of how your brain works. Eat small portions of actual, nutritious food throughout the day, take a short walk and drink water which serves as an appetite suppressant.
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Topic - Why Do Antidepressants Take So Long To Work?
Some antidepressants can take more than 3 weeks to start working. Why?
Chemical rafts are the problem. These rafts isolate the proteins responsible for talking to other cells so the proteins can’t do their job.
I have visions of these proteins jumping on a raft and taking a snooze. They’re not working!
Taking an SSRI type of antidepressant like Prozac, Zoloft or Lexapro, causes the protein to jump off the raft and get back to work by increasing the communication between the cells.
Depression can happen when the brain gets low on serotonin, the brain’s naturally-occurring antidepressant.
SSRIs or selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors make serotonin more available for absorption.
Help is on the way.
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Topic - Autism and Vision
When it comes to children on the autistic spectrum, language processing disorders get the majority of focus when it comes to school-based and private therapies.
But, there’s evidence that visual perceptual problems cause serious distress in their lives.
Hypersensitivity such as focusing on tiny pieces of dust, bright lights and looking down are common.
Hyposensitivity behaviors include being attracted to light, looking intensely at objects or people, moving fingers or objects in front of their eyes, fascination with reflections or bright color and running their hands around the edges of objects.
Other problems include slow speed of taking in information in their visual field and integrating it into one big picture. Visual cognitive therapy may help.
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Topic - Colleges Undercount Sexual Assaults
This isn’t pleasant, but it’s reality. Universities lie about the number of sexual assaults on their campuses.
A recent study reviewed 31 major universities and found when they were under the scrutiny of a federal audit, and had to be honest about the amount of sexual assaults that occur on campus, the number increased by 44% over the “pre-audit” numbers.
Once the auditors left, the numbers magically fell again. This behavior is both unethical and unsafe.
Parents, take matters into your own hands. The year before your daughter goes off to college, start the safety education process.
Review it over and over again so that her brain is trained to recognize situations.
Investigate the school she will be attending. What are their safety practices? What’s their track record?
Control the controllable and be prepared.
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Topic - Benefits Of Early Signing
Introducing sign language at birth boosts brain power in ways that are unrelated to language.
Most deaf children are born into hearing families and aren’t exposed to sign language as newborns.
As a result, deaf children have limited exposure to sign language and language, in general. Executive functioning skills such as controlling attention, impulses and emotions are also impacted by the lack of language.
Scientists found that kids who didn’t learn to sign until age three, took much longer to perform a task requiring attention. They don’t catch up in adulthood.
At eight months, babies can sign their first words. At nine months, they make up to seventy signs. At ten months, they understand phrases. Between 3 and 5, they can say 2000 words, know all the letters and read picture books. Amazing.
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Topic - Trees Need Sleep, Too
These days, we’re pounded with research on sleep and how it affects our immune systems and emotional stability, as well as weight, memory and thinking skills.
Lack of sleep causes obesity and even reduces happiness and overall life satisfaction.
But, in a million years, I never thought I’d come across an article about how important it is for trees to sleep.
You heard me. Trees sleep.
Trees around the world were studied and it was observed that just after sundown, their leaves and branches droop ever so slightly.
And, just after sunrise, the leaves and branches return to their original positions.
The researchers think that this movement may represent a kind of “tree circadian rhythm” or that they’re taking advantage of the available sunlight.
Trees use less water at night which suggests they’re less active. So, be more like trees and get your “zzzzzs”.
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Topic - Adult ADHD
In the past, psychologists weren’t really “allowed” to diagnose adults with Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder. We called it “adult residual ADHD”.
ADHD can appear in early adulthood even when symptoms weren’t seen in childhood.
Previously, the symptoms had to appear before age 7, now, it’s 12. Seventy-five percent of adults diagnosed didn’t have symptoms as kids.
Maybe it’s the stress of supporting themselves or going to college that reveals the symptoms as they enter adulthood.
These adults can benefit from clinical attention including medical management, education about the disorder and therapies to improve organization, social skills, time management and conflict resolution.
Adults with ADHD deserve attention, too.
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Topic - Emotions and Breath
Ewwww! This is so interesting and kinda creepy.
Scientists can gauge a movie’s emotional pitch from the gasps coming from the audience. How does that happen?
How do they know the difference between screeches of terror or surprise?
While the screams are a clue, there are chemicals exhaled with each gasp and these chemicals just might be a subtle form of human communication. There’s an invisible concert going on.
You hear the music, the howls and screeches and see the pictures, but you don’t realize there are chemical signals in the air that enhance the experience.
Maybe other people’s breath increases your emotions when you’re in a movie theater. See what I mean? Ewwww. Creepy!
I’m not sure of this, but I just may have ruined your future movie-going fun! Don’t blame me, blame science!
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Topic - Your Personality Changes
We always thought that our personalities were formed by age six. Recently, we’ve learned that may not be the case.
A study lasting sixty-three years followed kids who were fourteen until they were seventy-seven and found that personalities do change.
In adolescence, we’re more irritable and impulsive than we are when we’re older.
As teens, we’re social, but as we age, we enjoy solitude. Are we just getting tired and fed up with the world and find it safer just to be at home?
When we’re older, we’re more accepting of ourselves and understand others better. Our mood and level of conscientiousness are stable.
These features may be hardwired from infancy. The good news is that we can change.
So sit a spell and figure out where you need to improve. Basically, check yourself before you wreck yourself.
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Topic - Pediatricians Miss Autism Symptoms
Pediatricians testing children 18 to 36 months old often miss the symptoms of autism.
Pediatricians were recorded performing an autism assessment and in the 10-minute time frame spent evaluating the kids, they didn’t demonstrate autistic behaviors, making it much easier for the doctors to miss the diagnosis.
In the highly structured setting of the pediatrician’s office where the focus is on the child, the behaviors associated with mild autism may not be evident.
In twenty-four years of conducting assessments in my private practice, I learned that an extensive amount of time is necessary to correctly identify the severity and nature of autism symptoms.
When language processing disorders and Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder occur together, they can look like autism.
A comprehensive evaluation with a child development specialist will answer your questions.
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Topic - Sugar Addiction
You’ve heard people say that they’re addicted to sugar. That’s a real possibility, especially with children.
Kids who are obese or even moderately overweight may have heightened activity in the parts of the brain that are involved in emotion, awareness, taste, motivation and reward.
Basically, sugar is a “food reward” for them. This means that some kids have brain wiring that makes them crave sugar throughout their lives which can lead to obesity.
When your child or teen seems to be a sugar junkie, they might have a “sugar brain”. Help them to make healthy choices at least when they’re home.
Reduce the amount of sweets in the house and make it easier for them to snack on protein-rich foods.
There will be a period of time when they crave fats and sugars. It’s typical of teen development.
After they’re teens and become mobile, you have no control over anything they eat or drink. At least you can give them a good start.
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Topic - Overweight Teen Losing Weight
When parents ask me, “What should I do about my daughter? She’s 15 and terribly overweight?”
I respond, “She’ll lose weight when she wants to lose weight” which was always met with resistance.
Parents typically feel that they need to do SOMETHING, ANYTHING, and EVERYTHING even when their kids don’t ask for help.
We need to stop this.
Research tells us that when teenagers lose weight they do it for their health, primarily and that it was their own decision to make the change.
Losing weight requires self-discipline, motivation, and knowledge and they can do this all on their own.
Although they can benefit from the support and cooperation of their family, it was “all them”, so to speak.
Once your children become teenagers, they have the capacity to understand the dangers of obesity and nagging them won’t bring about change.
Don’t let your anxiety slop over onto them.
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Topic - Anxiety and Alzheimer’s
If you have older family members with mild cognitive impairment, be aware that anxiety may push them into an Alzheimer’s diagnosis.
Mild cognitive impairment is condition that’s more serious than normal aging, but has not yet reached the level of dementia.
It can involve problems with memory, language, thinking and judgment that are greater than normal age-related changes.
Mild cognitive impairment coupled with mild anxiety increase the Alzheimer’s risk by 33% and moderate anxiety increases the risk by 78%.
However, severe anxiety produced a whopping 135% increase in the risk of Alzheimer’s.
The anxiety caused wasting away in the part of the brain that creates memory.
Reduce anxiety in your family’s elders because avoiding Alzheimer’s is in everyone’s best interest.
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Topic - Your Credit Score Predicts Your Health
Your credit score can predict your health.
A thousand people were monitored for mental and physical health from birth through age 38. The conclusion was that a credit score is a strong predictor for health status.
A low credit score is strongly associated with poor cardiovascular health.
It’s common sense that economic and personal stress, poor diet, health, employment, education and relationship issues contribute to the equation.
A credit score may reflect impulsive, addictive and high-risk behavior.
It’s telling that one score could so accurately describe a person, but finances seem to be related to everything.
Money makes it easier for us to take advantage of opportunities and resources to make the most of ourselves. Plan carefully.
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Topic - Developing Emotional Armor
Ever wonder how first responders such as emergency medical personnel, firemen, police and physicians cope with their jobs?
They’ve developed “emotional armor”. How do they do this?
Because they observe loved ones offering emotional support and affection to the person who is injured, ill or afraid, their amygdala learns not to react to threat when the next traumatic event happens.
The amygdala is the emotional control center of the brain.
When you hear first responders and physicians being asked, “How did you do that?”, they say, “It’s my training”.
This is also true of soldiers, but their experiences are different, because others are trying to kill them.
Unfortunately, in today’s society, that’s also true of police.
You can enhance your kids’ emotional coping skills by teaching them how their brains work and by balancing their lives with both nurturing and challenging experiences.
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Topic - Educating Families of Schizophrenics
This is a critical message for families of those with schizophrenia.
“Expressed emotion” is the term for a critical and hostile environment and over-involvement by relatives toward the family member with the illness.
High levels of expressed emotion cause relapses meaning a return of hallucinations and delusions.
This anxiety-inducing environment affects not only the person with schizophrenia, but causes feelings of guilt, shame and resentment in other family members.
Fifteen, one hour weekly sessions teaching about the illness that were designed to encourage family cohesiveness through communication training and problem solving, reduced the hostile environment.
Families sometimes blame the person for the illness and believe that they can control it. Once they learn the facts, perceptions are changed.
Seek this kind of educational support in your community.
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Topic - Primitive Cultures And Gender Preferences
Primitive cultures don’t value the appearance of highly feminine or masculine faces. They favor a gender neutral face.
Could it be the primitive cultures value competence over appearance? After all, the whole concept of valuing attractiveness is a recent phenomenon that began in industrialized and city environments.
Of course, primitive cultures, unlike us, don’t have entire segments of commerce devoted to appearance.
Because they live a subsistence lifestyle, aboriginal cultures value competence with life-sustaining skills.
This is an important message for our culture. It’s critical that we learn skills related to clothing and sheltering ourselves as well as the ability to find or grow food.
The homesteading movement is focused on these efforts. Teach your children basic skills so they’re not dependent on others.
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Topic - Sadness Lasts Longer
When compared to twenty-seven other emotions, high school students report that sadness stayed with them up to 240 times longer than emotions lasting the shortest time.
Sadness lasted longer than shame, surprise, fear, disgust, boredom, irritation, relief or poignancy.
The shorter-lasting emotions were usually triggered by events that had little importance to the teen whereas the long-lasting emotions were related to events that were important to them and had a strong impact.
Be mindful of this when listening to your teen talk about their emotions.
Understand that when sadness lingers and is then compounded by other disappointments, shame or humiliation, there can be a snowball effect.
Never tell them to “just get over it”. Nobody “gets over it”. They learn to cope.
Be supportive and teach them these valuable lessons about their feelings.
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Topic - Depression Reduces Girls’ Life Spans
Girls from depressed families have more intense responses to personal stress and when they have stressful experiences, they release much more cortisol than girls whose families aren’t depressed.
Cortisol is called the stress hormone because it’s connected to the body’s response to stress. Its powerful role includes regulating blood sugar levels and metabolism, reducing inflammation and helping control blood pressure.
Too much cortisol has a very negative impact; having normal levels enhances overall health and well-being.
Chronic and intense physical reactions to stress releases free-flowing cortisol which increases inflammation.
Inflammation is the scourge of mankind since it’s related to cardiac and lung disease and brain disorders such as Alzheimer’s.
No wonder the life spans of these stressed girls are six years shorter than expected.
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Topic - Psychological Abuse Is As Bad As Physical and Sexual Abuse
To many people, it just makes more sense that physical and sexual abuse are worse than psychological abuse.
A trauma center evaluated thousands of kids and proved that psychologically abused children who experienced bullying, severe insults, isolation, and had overwhelming demands made on them such as taking on parental responsibilities suffered from anxiety, depression, low self-esteem, posttraumatic stress disorder and suicidality at the same or greater levels as did those who were physically or sexually abused.
Among the three types of abuse, psychological mistreatment was most strongly associated with depression, general and social anxiety disorders, attachment problems and substance abuse.
Child abuse is soul murder.
Sticks and stones can break your bones, but words can break your heart.
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Topic - Women’s Lifestyle and Stroke Risk
Women have specific risk factors for stroke. These factors are under our control, so think carefully about how you’ll cope with a stroke in your 70s.
A healthy diet, drinking alcohol in moderation, never smoking, being physically active and having a healthy body mass index are the factors.
If you have none of these, you have a fifty-four percent lower risk of having a stroke.
Take heart, you can start working on these factors and steadily decrease your chances when you add each healthy lifestyle to your list.
So, get moving just a little more, slow down or stop smoking, drink a little less alcohol, eat a little less and eat some healthier foods to live longer.
You don’t have to completely give up everything, just start with dialing it back a bit, well, maybe give up smoking altogether.
Small steps really make a difference.
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Topic - Marijuana Doesn’t Make You Creative
More than once, parents called my practice to say, “Can I just ask you a question?” I never turned them down.
They’d ask all kinds of questions, but most of them were about marijuana use. Their teens were telling them, “Marijuana makes me more creative and I can think better”.
What parent doesn’t want that for their child? The kids were scamming them, of course.
Creativity requires divergent thinking which is the process whereby you generate as many problem-solving options as possible.
Convergent thinking is a “narrowing down” process.
Extensive research has proven that even a low dose of THC, the psychoactive ingredient in marijuana, has a negative effect on problem-solving.
You’re not likely to convince your teens of this fact, but continuing to alert them to the potential dangers of weed through educating yourself, may deter them somewhat. It’s all you can do.
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Topic - When Momma Ain’t Happy
You know that saying, “When Momma ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy?” As it turns out, it’s true and research proved it.
Kids, ages 9 to 17, were asked to rate their mood and physical health for consecutive days and compared them to their working mothers’ mood.
When mother was happy and relaxed, so were the kids. They also reported better sleep quality and they slept for longer periods of time without waking.
My caution to you is this. If you’re unhappy and stressed at work, you bring that stress home, the misery will spread and then, you’ll have serious stress at home.
It’s not easy to change jobs, but if you stay with a job, hoping things will change, your health and happiness will be seriously compromised and your family’s health will suffer.
It’s not their fault, but they’ll pay the price.
Another saying, “You’re only as happy as your unhappiest child” is also true and we don’t need research to prove it.
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Topic - Group Nature Walks
If you’ve experienced a stressful life event such as a serious illness, loss of a loved one, separation, divorce or unemployment, taking a group walk in nature will relieve your symptoms of depression and improve your overall mental health.
Exercise and being in the company of others are known to reduce depressive symptoms.
Don’t expect medication and therapy to be the only options for improving your mood and developing coping skills.
Although they’re proven to be very helpful, you may increase recovery time by taking consistent nature walks with a few friends and by improving your diet.
Depression and anxiety are infectious. Children and teens alike pick up on your depressive mood which can distract them from schoolwork and make them sad and worried.
Make as much progress as you can to adjust to your new life circumstances so that you can be a role model for your children.
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Topic - Aggressive Boys Become Physically Strong Teens.
Aggressive boys become physically stronger teens. Beginning at age 11, the hand strength of boys and girls were measured at three-year intervals.
Results proved the more aggressive boys, but not girls, showed greater gains in physical strength during the teen years as compared to their less aggressive peers even after adjusting for height and weight.
Since testosterone is related to aggression, it’s likely it also plays a role in physical strength.
Emerging teen boys have under-developed brains that make them impulsive. They don’t appreciate the consequences of their behavior.
As a result, they get into confrontations, get physical and cause harm because they don’t know their own strength.
Then, they get a reputation for aggressive behavior and boys who want to prove themselves, provoke them. It’s a vicious cycle.
Help your boys to appreciate the connection between their strength and aggression.
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Topic - Reduce College Drinking
Teaching your soon-to-be college student about the dangers of binge drinking works.
It reduces their drinking, but only for a while. A year after your “talk”, they’re back at it.
So, it’s clear the lesson needs to be re-visited which is nothing new if you’re a parent.
Here are the “fast and furious” points you need to hit:
1. Tell them. 5 or more drinks for men or 4 or more for women in a 2-hour period is binge drinking.
2. Tell them. Long-term organ damage, especially the liver, is typical.
3. Tell them. Gut bacteria and organs die.
4. Tell your daughter it’s especially dangerous for her.
And 5, tell them there’s an increase in car accidents and injuries.
A single episode can cause more harm to their health than previously thought.
Avoid preaching. Give them the facts and tell them you have confidence they’ll make healthy choices.
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Topic - They Never Sign It
From time-to-time, I had parents in my practice who were resistant to hearing the seriousness of their children’s disabilities and poo-poo’d the recommendations.
“Oh, he’ll just outgrow it”, they’d say or “She just needs more time”.
People don’t outgrow autism, language processing disorder, Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder or dyslexia.
In fact, the symptoms of these disabilities can and will significantly worsen in light of the increasing demands of the coming years.
ADHD has its own potential dangers because it can turn into oppositional and defiant behavior and criminal conduct.
When parents were resistant, I prepared a document listing my findings and support plan.
At the end, I wrote a statement about them taking full responsibility for the outcome if my recommendations weren’t followed. It was never signed. They always came to their senses.
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Topic - Increased Marijuana Use Among Adults
Marijuana use among American adults has more than doubled since 2001 due to shifts in laws and attitudes.
In 2013, nearly 10% of adults smoked regularly. The greatest increases have been among women, blacks and Hispanics, middle-aged and older adults and those living in the South.
Many states now legally sell medical marijuana and basically anyone can get a prescription. Several states have legalized it for medical use.
We have no idea about the impact of pot on family functioning, but we do know that the devastation of alcohol abuse led to Prohibition and the creation of Alcoholics Anonymous.
This just may be one of those large-scale social science experiments to see how it all goes. There are likely to be unintended consequences.
Families are under significant stress as it is, will using marijuana help or harm? Approach with caution.
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Topic - Talking to Your Teen about Sex Protects Them
It’s common sense that keeping communications going with your teen will result in a more meaningful and powerful relationship, but it can also protect them.
Parents who discuss sexual behavior and contraceptive use with their teen help them to develop judgment about the motivations and intentions of others.
Talking with them about the situations they may encounter in college and in their first years on their own tells them they can trust you intimately.
These talks give them information and the opportunity to clarify their values and determine how they want to conduct themselves.
They won’t learn this information overnight. They’ll need to hear it over and over before they start to take it all in, so, get started.
They may be embarrassed, but help them to get past the “weirdness factor” and assure them this is part of your job.
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Topic - Sing, Sing A Song
In 1971, Joe Raposo composed a tune called, Sing, Sing a Song, for Sesame Street.
We know that music is powerful, but current brain research proves it.
People who sing together bond faster than if they did any other activity side-by-side.
Songs calm babies for longer periods of time than does talking to them. They actually stay calmer for twice as long.
Now, you may be saying, “Oh, but I can’t sing!” Your baby isn’t going to say, “Gee, she’s really off key!”
Take a simple song or two and the more you sing it, the more confident you’ll get and the better you’ll sound.
The first rhythm that baby learned was your heartbeat and heard your voice very early in the womb, so don’t worry! Go ahead and sing. Baby will love it, be calmed by it and the memories you’ll make will be priceless. Joe Raposo and the Sesame Street gang will be proud!
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Topic - Kitchen Counter Weight
This is amazing. Researchers studied pictures of two hundred American kitchens and compared them to the weight of the women who lived in the home.
Women who had breakfast cereal sitting on their counters weighed about twenty pounds more than those who didn’t.
Women with soft drinks sitting out weighed a whopping twenty-four to twenty six pounds more.
But, in kitchens with visible fruit bowls, women weighed about thirteen pounds less than women from kitchens without fruit bowls.
What do you think is going on here?
When we’re hungry, we reach for whatever is in sight. If you eat one hundred calories more than you burn every day, you’ll gain a pound every month.
We buy cookies and delude ourselves into thinking we won’t eat them, but we do.
Be smart; if it’s in the house, make sure there’s time for you to think before you can get to it. If it’s on the counter, it’s too easy.
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Topic - Dyslexia and Early Achievement
During twenty four years of private practice, I saw a persistent pattern of serious reading deficits that began in kindergarten or first grade that were ignored by teachers and parents alike.
“Oh, he needs more time” and “She’ll catch up; just wait”.
No, she won’t, she has dyslexia.
School districts will tell you that “Dyslexia is just another reading problem”.
Ding, ding, ding. No it isn’t.
It’s a discrete neurological disorder that can be seen in the brain.
Those with dyslexia have early reading problems and they just don’t pick up speed as they move along through school.
Their reading achievement lags behind throughout their educational career. This also means that their written expression is also likely to lag.
Go ahead, try to get a job and function as an adult if you’re illiterate because of dyslexia.
Early assessment and intervention is critical. Don’t be convinced your kids will outgrow it. They won’t.
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Topic - Autism and Reproductive Technology
In vitro fertilization and similar medical techniques are correlated with autism. It doesn’t mean that IVF causes autism, just that they occur together.
Other risks for autism include being a twin or triplet, being an identical twin, having an older father, being severely underweight at birth, extreme prematurity and complications of pregnancy and delivery.
If a woman younger than 35 already has healthy children and conceives a child medically, that child has twice the risk of an autism diagnosis.
If you don’t have other options to conceive, you’re facing a difficult decision.
Now that you’re aware of the risks, get help for your slowly developing child.
Talk with your pediatrician and have a comprehensive evaluation conducted to collect data on critical aspects of development.
Early and appropriate intervention is essential for a positive outcome.
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Topic - Sleep Deprivation and The Munchies
Your teenager is eating everything in the house. You wonder if she’s smoking pot. You think it’s a growth spurt.
You might be wrong on both counts. The chronic grazing might be related to sleep deprivation.
It’s been recommended high school start times be pushed back because sleep deprivation impairs memory, immune functioning, increases mood disorders and causes obesity.
Teenagers 14 to 17 should get between 8 and 9 hours of sleep.
Reduced sleep leads to changes in the rhythm of the chemical that affects appetite, motor learning, pain and thinking skills.
This chemical is the same active ingredient in marijuana.
When you’ve had little sleep, you eat nearly twice the amount of fat as when you’re rested.
The average sleep-deprived person takes in 300 more calories a day than they need and most of those calories are carbs and fats.
Re-think that whole “I’ll sleep when I’m dead” thing.
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Topic - Itch versus Pain.
Itch is a maddening sensation. People would rather suffer with pain than the misery of an itch.
When itch can’t be treated successfully, it may respond to pain medication. Why?
Because an itch occurs on the top of the skin, but pain happens deeper in the skin.
Not all itches respond to antihistamines. If your kid develops a rash and it’s not responding to an antihistamine-based lotion, jump on it fast.
Rashes spread quickly, across the skin and down into the skin. It’s easy to lose control.
Don’t dismiss the misery of your child’s rash. The itching interferes with concentration, sleep, causes irritability and anxiety.
All they want to know is “when is it going to stop”?
See a dermatologist who specializes in allergies. They understand how to treat the misery.
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Topic - Pornography and The Teen Brain.
The average age of exposure to pornography is between 11 and 12. If you think your teenager isn’t “consuming” porn, think again.
If you think your parental controls are blocking them, remember that a 12 year old is a techno-master of the Universe and they’re likely to get around anything you throw at them.
If they’re watching it as a substitute for sex education, up your game and address their questions.
Realize that human beings are experiential and they’d rather do something than be told about it. Teenagers are experiential on steroids. No matter how much you teach them about sex, there’s no replacement for seeing it in action.
Why am I telling you this? Because I want you to temper your reaction when you find out they’re watching it.
Ask them about it. Have a plan ready.
We don’t know what porn does to the teenage brain. What we do know is that a 12 year old isn’t ready to completely understand what’s on that screen.
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Topic - Crippling Parental Behavior
There are times to indulge kids, to excuse their behavior because of their temperament, intelligence or age. There’s a time to rescue them and protect them.
But, when these times are too frequent and last too long, you’re creating a perpetual child instead of an adult. They’ll never learn to take responsibility, have confidence, learn to cope or mature.
We must let them fall down and teach them how to get up. We must encourage them, but not too much. We must teach them to take chances within their ability.
Tell them about your mistakes, how you learned to get up when you fell and what you learned from each time.
Don’t excuse your children. Hold them accountable.
It may be painful now, but certainly less painful and less public than when they become adults.
Be brave, honest, integrous and practice what you preach.
When they make mistakes, present them as teachable moments so they can learn without judgment.
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Topic - The Dangers of Vaping
Electronic cigarettes have been around since early 2000, but only now has the FDA asked for companies to submit for testing the thousands of chemicals used to make the flavors.
Considering that some of the chemicals are known carcinogens, why did it take so long?
Vaping is being touted as a transition from being a smoker to being smoke-free, but it isn’t.
In fact, it’s likely to be more dangerous than smoking tobacco products because the short- and long-term effects of these chemicals being heated and inhaled aren’t known.
Research using mice indicates that when they’re exposed to vape smoke in the womb they became very hyperactive, had a build-up of plaque in their arteries, had a 50% decrease in sperm and the sperm they had moved slowly.
Thinking of quitting? See your doctor. Nicorette gum and Chantix nicotine replacement may help you.
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Topic - Challenging Political Beliefs
When your political beliefs are challenged, you feel attacked because, like religion, these beliefs are part of your personal identity.
When political beliefs are challenged the “default mode network” engages.
The default mode network is the “inner world” of self-reflection, thinking about your past and future and personal identity.
The attention network kicks in when we focus on the external world. Why is this dangerous to our society?
Because to consider another view, you have to consider another view of yourself which causes severe anxiety which then causes us to discount evidence and dig in our heels.
These challenges are perceived by the brain as threats. Then the brain activates adrenalin which is the protector.
This dynamic happens in people on both sides of the aisle.
I’m not saying to avoid political debate. Just know what you’re getting into before you go down the rabbit hole.
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Topic - Your Personality Does Change
Previously, we thought that personality was “set in stone” by age six. Doesn’t leave much room for improvement, does it?
The good news is that research was wrong.
In an unprecedented study, it was learned that we change a lot as we grow older.
People tested at age 14 were tested 63 years later on the same six traits and here’s what happens: If you’re a self-conscious, moody and impulsive teenager, you’ll calm down due to having jobs and becoming parents.
In general, maturity brings about better and more stable moods.
We become social for a few years and then, isolate as we age. We accept ourselves.
The key traits tested in the research were: self-confidence, perseverance, mood stability, conscientiousness, originality and the desire to excel.
None of the traits was stable over sixty years. Everything changes. There’s hope for us after all.
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Topic - The Marshmallow Test
Teaching our kids to delay gratification, consider consequences and be honest and integrous is quite an undertaking.
Where does your kid fall in terms of these goals? Try the marshmallow test.
Put out a marshmallow and tell your child if they don’t eat it, they can have two in a few minutes. Wait 7-10 minutes and see what happens.
Since the 1940s, 4-5 year old kids have been evaluated using the test and were followed up as adults to see if they had finished college, had higher incomes or were overweight.
The results indicated that kids who failed the test, didn’t fare as well in adulthood as those who resisted temptation.
It’s not the case that all kids who fail the test are doomed, but those who were on their way to developing these critical life skills were ahead of the curve.
Since mastery take practice, set up chances for your child to learn them in small steps. Practice, practice, practice.
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Topic - The Ah-Ha Moment
In the 1920s, psychologist Wolfgang Kohler was researching a dynamic he called “insight” learning.
It’s the sudden and immediate understanding that happens without trial and error or nearly any thought process at all.
Insight learning leads to the “ah-ha” or “Eureka” moment which is a common human experience. When things “fall into place” with little conscious effort, you can trust your answers even if the problem is challenging.
The “ah-ha” process happens mostly outside our conscious awareness. This process has been validated by MRIs and EEGs.
Just before the ah-ha moment happens, the visual processing cortex “blinks” so that ideas can bubble into consciousness.
Analysis happens consciously and is prone to error.
When working with your child, ask them, “What’s your best guess without thinking?” and see how close they are to the target.
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Topic - Revenge
“Before you embark on a journey of revenge, dig two graves.”
The struggle with revenge is many centuries old and is one of the deepest instincts we have. It may be a form of establishing justice, be a form of protection or serve as a kind of reinforcement of social cooperation.
If a neighbor’s guests block your driveway, you might think of scratching their car doors, but then you think about them “coming after you” and you just tolerate it.
We’ve seen the acts of revenge including destroying cars, burning clothing on the front lawn and even running people down.
Revenge is about anger, hurt and power. Acts of revenge can make you feel better or worse.
When your children are treated unfairly and want to “get back” at the offender, understand these feelings are biologically based.
Take their feelings into account and help them problem-solve the situation. Know that it will take some time for those strong feelings to fade.
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Topic - Treating Down Syndrome with Prozac
The University of Texas Southwestern began a study in 2010 using the antidepressant, Prozac, to treat fetuses identified with Down syndrome.
The experimental treatment was prompted by the mother of a non-verbal seven-year old boy with the genetic disorder.
She convinced the pediatrician to add Prozac to his regimen of vitamins in order to enhance his development. It worked.
A group of twenty-one pregnant women agreed to start taking Prozac. Then, for the next two years after birth, their babies would continue taking it to see if their overall development was improved beyond the level typically associated with Down syndrome.
Six thousand children are born with this genetic disorder every year; they have severely impaired IQs and a shorter life expectancy.
These mothers felt that the risks were worth the potential gains. We can only hope.
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Topic - Cognitive Offloading
When our desks get to be such a mess that we can’t work effectively, we stop and organize. We put away the things that aren’t important and prepare to deal with the things that are priorities.
It’s like shifting the load. Our brains do exactly the same thing.
If we have trouble remembering something, we write it down or tell someone. This is called “cognitive offloading”.
We organize and prioritize our brain’s energy to deal with the necessary pieces of information. We take information out of our minds and put it into our calendars, notepads and digital devices.
This frees up our cognitive energy for other tasks.
Think of it like cranes lifting the steel containers off the decks of cargo ships. It feels so good to get it off my mind.
I also refer to those calendars, notepads and devices as “external neurology”. Out of your brain and into an iPhone.
Teach your kids cognitive offloading strategies to improve their performance.
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Topic - Teen Mood Swings.
If your teenager is cranky and sometimes aggressive, things will change.
During adolescence, moods become more stable for both boys and girls. Girls, however, had more variation in happiness and sadness than boys.
Both groups had a similar rate of change over the teen years.
This stability in mood is due to many factors such as maturation of the brain, development of coping skills, and increased tolerance for frustration.
The decision making area of the brain is still immature, but its growth increases responsible behavior resulting in positive feedback from others.
An appreciation of their rapidly-approaching future is certain to play a role.
When kids, 13 to 16 years of age, made notes about their moods for over a period of 5 years, this pattern of growth and stability was found.
You have only 5 years to wait for relief!
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Topic - Reducing Sudden Infant Death Syndrome.
Ten babies die every day from Sudden Infant Death, so it’s important to pay attention to the Academy of Pediatrics’ Safe Sleep guidelines.
Babies should have their own sleep space and are not to sleep with parents; don’t dress them too warmly; keep the room cool; no soft materials in the crib; lay them on their backs; give a pacifier at nap and bedtime and don’t swaddle baby.
The AAP suggests skin-to-skin contact immediately after birth, tummy time and breast feeding.
No smoking of any kind in the house. Avoid alcohol, cigarettes, pot and drugs if you’re planning to get pregnant.
Some aspects of SIDS are environmental and some aren’t.
Many babies who die of SIDS have subtle problems in their brainstems. A full medical team could not save them at the time they stopped breathing.
Control the controllable.
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Topic - The New Marijuana Is Dangerous.
The current strains of marijuana are “not your dad’s pot”.
Because teen brains continue to develop into their 20s and 30s, there are potential long-term effects of smoking pot.
Changes in the ability to use memory and to plan are seen in those who smoke it at least 10 times a month. Those changes could be permanent.
Just because it has been decriminalized or legalized doesn’t mean it’s safe.
Think alcohol and its destructiveness. Forty percent of high schoolers have tried pot and twenty percent use it currently.
A whopping ten percent first tried it before age 13 when the brain is really vulnerable to toxins.
Frequent use in the early teens leads to a lower IQ and the likelihood of addiction rather than when starting in adulthood.
Parents, just because you smoked pot in college and turned out OK, doesn’t mean it’s the same for your kids.
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Topic - Birth Complications Cause Autism.
Babies who had complications during birth, were 10% more likely to develop autism than kids who didn’t experience problems.
Mother’s high blood pressure and baby’s lack of oxygen at birth played a strong role in the development of autistic behaviors.
Other complications include premature separation of the placenta from the uterus, abnormal size or position, or the umbilical cord was collapsed or came out before or at the same time as baby.
While the relationship between these complications and autism is unclear, what is clear is that if a child had problems before labor began, their chances of autism increased to 22% and babies who experienced issues before and during birth had a whopping 44% increase in the diagnosis.
Get prenatal care early to avoid a lifelong disability.
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Topic - Dangerism.
We’re getting to be a bunch of scaredy-cat parents.
Parents have been arrested because their children played in the yard after dark and for letting them to walk to school alone.
Parents now have a name, free-range parenting, for what we used to call “going out to play”. Good grief.
Now, there’s dangerism, a term coined by Gever Tulley, who created the Tinkering School, to point out the trend toward labeling common childhood behaviors as dangerous.
He says that we’re worrying about all the wrong things which make us fearful most of the time.
Clearly, it’s unhealthy. And, because of this, we’re instilling fear in our kids and limiting their chances to explore and learn.
We’re not allowing them to develop coping skills, competence and to learn self-reliance and resilience.
Common sense seems to be a thing of the past and we need to return to using sound judgment based on science, statistics and concrete evidence.
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Topic - Reducing Peanut Allergies
Peanut allergies reduce the quality of life and they can be deadly. It’s serious business.
Now, the National Institutes of Health have new guidelines. They say parents should introduce small amounts of peanut products to babies who are between 4 and 6 months of age.
Studies out of Israel and England showed that children who were given peanut products early didn’t have allergies later in life and the ones who had allergies had less severe symptoms.
If there’s a history of peanut allergies in the family, it’s recommended that baby be fed a diluted peanut product in the doctor’s office under the supervision of the medical staff.
Building tolerance requires that children be fed peanut products several times a week.
If there’s a sibling in the home with severe peanut allergies, ask the doctor for how to avoid contact with peanuts as well as a plan for an emergency if contact should happen.
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Topic - New Brain Disorders of The Digital Age
Everything has a price. Our digital age has brought with it five new brain disorders.
Nomophobia is the feeling of panic you get when you’re separated from your phone.
Technoference is the disruption in relationships, leisure time and even meals that digital devices cause. This interference leads to lower life satisfaction.
The phantom ring is where you hear your phone ringing even when it’s not. It might be caused by your clothing rubbing against your skin and creating the feeling of a phone vibrating in your pocket.
Cyberchondria refers to people who diagnose themselves from internet information.
The Truman Show Delusion reflects the story line of the movie, The Truman Show, where poor Truman’s life was being watched by everyone.
It’s the result of being overly connected, obsessed with reality-TV and social media. These tools can be very valuable, but be aware of the risks.
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Topic - Marijuana and Social - Economic Problems
Regular, long-term marijuana smokers are at greater risk for economic and social problems at midlife than those who use it occasionally.
The longer they smoke, the more problems they’re likely to have.
It wasn’t proven that pot causes the problems, only that they’re associated.
The smokers behaved in antisocial ways at work. They lied, got into fights with co-workers and had conflicts with family and friends.
Heavy smokers ended up in a “lower class” than their parents. Those who didn’t smoke ended up in a higher class.
Cannabis and alcohol dependence were linked equally with antisocial behavior and relationship problems.
Pot is more strongly linked to financial issues than alcohol, but alcohol is much worse for your health than heavy marijuana use.
Obviously, both alcohol and marijuana have serious impacts on a lifelong basis.
Be informed. Educate your children for a healthier life.
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Topic - Poor Kids Pay A Health Price for Success
Life seems to give with one hand and take with another.
Kids from poor families who succeed academically pay for it later.
Those kids with high levels of self-control and ability to focus on long-term and not short-term goals end up with less destructive conditions such as aggression, substance abuse and depression as adults.
The price for their success is their health.
Research proves that these high-achieving teenagers have much faster immune cell aging which leaves them vulnerable to diseases later in life.
The chronic and intense stress of performing under adverse conditions is known to erode global health. It takes an even greater toll in young people who have immature coping skills.
As these determined and successful youngsters grow up, they need to monitor their overall health very carefully.
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Topic - Grateful Teens Are Healthier
There are long-term benefits of teaching your children to be grateful.
Practicing gratitude has a positive impact on adjusting to adolescence and young adulthood.
These kids have a well-defined sense of meaning for their lives, are more satisfied, happier, more hopeful and have fewer depressive symptoms.
They’re not likely to cheat on tests, skip school and use drugs and alcohol.
Teaching your children to be grateful is a life-long process. But, avoid emphasizing it with every message.
Referencing your own gratitude for events and people in your life has the most impact. Comparing your lives to those of others is not as meaningful.
Focus on your kid’s experiences. Speak aloud about your gratitude. Point out the good things in their lives and connect to gratitude.
Using words such as “appreciate, lucky, fortunate, grateful, and blessed” bring home the message.
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Topic - Resisting Lying Is Healthy
Lying makes you sick.
There’s a price to pay for acts of omission, where you leave out part of the truth, or acts of commission, where you outrightly lie.
People were asked to stop lying for 10 weeks. The results indicated they felt better, physically.
They felt less tense, didn’t have headaches or sore throats or stomachaches. They reported their close personal relationships improved and social interactions were more satisfying.
Lying in healthy people, not sociopaths, causes physical changes including higher blood pressure and heart rate all of which stresses the immune system.
The emotional cost for lying is depression and anxiety.
Those with Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder lie frequently because they just aren’t monitoring what they’ve done. They lie out of shame of not remembering.
The truth of it is, lying isn’t healthy. Practice truth every day.
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Topic - Teen’s Fluctuating IQ
Your IQ was thought to be stable throughout your life, but this isn’t true.
IQ test results change in response to brain growth, emotional health, education and experiences.
Changes in the grey matter areas of the brain that are related to muscle control, seeing and hearing, memory, emotions, speech, decision making, and self-control are responsible for the rise and fall of IQs in teenagers.
The teen brain undergoes many changes just like the more observable physical changes. It actually kills off parts of itself to stream line performance.
Because the changes occur from the back of the brain to the front, the regulating part is the last to mature resulting in impulsivity.
Teenagers rely heavily on the emotional part of the brain, to make decisions…uh oh.
There’s a lot going on in there, no wonder IQ test results change!
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Topic - Cancer and PTSD
Just because you overcame cancer doesn’t mean you’re out of the woods. You still have the distressing symptoms related to posttraumatic stress disorder or PTSD.
Because you had an event that threatened death or serious injury, you have the core situation that results in PTSD.
But it wasn’t just one incident, with cancer, it happens over and over. The diagnosis, installation of the medi-port, every infusion of chemotherapy, every scan and procedure is yet another opportunity for trauma.
Many cancer patients experience the avoidance and flashbacks of the events for a decade.
Odors pose a real hazard. The smell of plastic tubing and syringes can cause panic. The sense of smell is a very powerful force in triggering flashbacks.
Surviving cancer is one aspect of the fight. Don’t surrender to the trauma.
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Topic - Make-up and Others’ Perceptions
Mom, is your daughter wearing too much make-up? Why is make up so powerful?
Women who wear make-up are seen as more attractive, likeable, trustworthy and competent than those who don’t, but, the more makeup is applied, the less positively women are rated.
Could it be the case that wearing some make-up communicates to others that you feel positively about yourself?
Do they see that you feel worthy of the extra effort to make yourself look more vibrant?
People enjoy looking at you because you are, indeed, more attractive. People are more attracted to things that are pretty and the advertising industry relies on that attraction to sell a multitude of products.
Apparently, less is more when it comes to wearing makeup.
Mom, consult with a makeup artist in advance and set the rules. Take your daughter for a professional session.
In this way, you endorse her needs and give her the education she needs to look her best.
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Topic - Evolutionary Advantage of Crime
Johnny wants the truck. He hits Jeff and grabs the truck. But where does this behavior come from?
It’s nature.
Antisocial behavior is profitable for a small group of people by giving them an evolutionary advantage.
Stealing can provide the necessary resources for reproduction and survival, the strongest instincts of living things.
A reputation for aggression can benefit males with higher status in the pecking order, giving them the social dominance to choose the best mates.
Males will go to great lengths to pass on their own genes over those of their rivals. Even revenge murders can cull the herd of cheats and those who freeload on the group.
These behaviors continue because of their power to insure survival.
Johnny’s behavior is natural. Don’t blame him. Teach him the rules of society so he can be a fully functioning citizen.
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Topic - Boys, Girls and Drugs.
In elementary school, kids tend to have same-sex friendships, but early in adolescence, they start having friends of the opposite sex.
Girls who start hanging out with boys much earlier than their peers are more likely to abuse drugs and alcohol later in adolescence than those girls who delayed having friendships with boys.
Girls who physically mature early are likely to come to the attention of boys who introduce them to drugs and alcohol or make it a condition of their relationship.
If Melissa is maturing early and boys are giving her attention, help her understand the reasons behind the interest.
Be honest with her about the consequences of early involvement with boys.
Help Melissa develop her mind and interests toward a brighter future.
Maintain a warm and nurturing relationship where she can come to you with any question.
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Topic - Skydiving.
We see those people flying around in their wingsuits. We see them skydiving and surfing on monster waves.
Why?
What in the world is going on in their brains that says to them, “Wow, let’s do this. So fun!”
It’s the thrill-seeking dynamics of their brain. They interpret danger in ways that activate their reward systems.
Yes, the thrill of danger equals reward. This dynamic is counterintuitive.
Typically, dopamine dumps in response to threat and allows you to fight, flee or freeze but, in some people, threat is seen as a reward.
Many of us like a slight fright, but it’s usually in very controlled circumstances that reduce the actual chance of fear.
If you’re not wired for this kind of high-flying reward, don’t be ashamed. Blame it on your brain!
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Topic - Low Birth Weight and Right Hemisphere.
Children who are small at birth and have larger placentas are more likely to have increased activity in the right hemispheres of their brain.
The right hemisphere is more creative than the left; it also controls the left side of the body.
Imagination, insight and intuition all happen on the right side of the brain.
If poor nutrition or stress caused the placenta to be disproportionate to the fetus, brain patterns may result in depression and anxiety.
Right hemisphere trauma causes attention and memory problems, difficulty with social communication and using memory and effective organization.
These deficits cause poor academic achievement and poor adjustment to young adulthood.
If George was born with these conditions, monitor his school performance and social-emotional development. Intervene early.
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Topic - Cell Phones and Brain Health.
Studies of people talking on their cell phones indicated that the areas of the brain immediately next to the cell phone’s antennae showed a 7 percent uptick in activity.
Two areas of the brain are affected. The temporal poles are responsible for processing the meaning of words, perspective taking and creating mental images of social situations.
The orbitofrontal cortex determines the value of expected rewards or punishments.
Decision making in light of potential rewards and punishment is critical to the process of trial and error.
Studies are needed to determine if the increased brain activity has long-term health consequences, but why run the risk?
Remind your kids to alternate ears when using their phone and take breaks to give both their brains and phones time to “cool down”.
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Topic - The Brain’s Odometer and Stopwatch.
The brain is amazing. It senses time and distance even when you’re not directly thinking about it.
Specialized neurons called grid cells are responsible for navigating both time and space despite having no visual landmarks.
You can’t escape space and time; they’re involved in every aspect of our lives so the brain has developed ways to track these dimensions.
Circuits that organize space and time gave rise to memory which is a common skill in mammals.
How do elephants, whales, and other animals return to the same places to give birth, feed or die?
Why do some people have a keen sense of direction or no sense of time?
How is it that I can walk into the kitchen just as the timer is ready to go off, but I get lost so easily?
Clearly, my “timing” grid cells work great and the “location” grid cells, not so much. Glad, I’ve got technology to help me!
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Topic - Boys More Likely To Take Antipsychotics. Antipsychotic use in kids increases with age in both boys and girls until they’re 19. But, boys are twice as likely as girls to be prescribed antipsychotics until the age of 12. The pattern suggests these medications are being used to manage impulsivity and aggression rather than treating psychotic symptoms. Boys are typically more aggressive and impulsive than girls and their behavior is more disruptive and frankly, scary. Antipsychotics dull hyperactivity and regulate mood which reduces aggression. Parents are in tough straights when it comes to these decisions. Do they let their children continue on a destructive path to no good end, or do they take their chances with science and the potential for side effects? Whatever they decide, they need support from schools and family to cope with these extreme challenges.
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Topic - Baby’s Birdsong. Babies transition from simple to complex babbling in a process that’s far more complicated than previously thought. The process parallels songbirds learning new melodies. The challenge in learning language isn’t in mastering new sounds, but in making the transition from one sound to another. The transitions must be learned individually. Just because Sam can say mah-mu doesn’t mean he can say mu-mah. These first steps in learning language sounds require intensive work; once mastered, meaningful language emerges quickly. Engage your child, face-to-face in conversational speech, no matter how young they are. Teach them the prosody or rhythm of language and conversation. Show them how it looks to have a conversation and reward their attempts to participate. Language is the core of education and human interaction. Don’t leave it to chance.
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Topic - Team Up Therapists with Pediatricians. When pediatricians team up with therapists, kids benefit.
The results of therapy are significantly enhanced when pediatricians and mental health clinicians stay connected regarding social and emotional issues.
Kids were 66% less likely to engage in risky behaviors such as early sexual activity, alcohol and drugs. The chance of success increases to 73% when the therapist is located within the doctor’s office.
Close collaboration during evaluation, treatment and follow-up is key.
We often talk about how raising kids takes a village and the concept applies here. If the pediatrician talks about the same issues as the therapist and expresses concern and caring, the chances of the message being received are greater.
Having healthy relationships with multiple adults improves a child’s adjustment to adolescence and beyond.
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Topic - Borderline Personality Disorder in Your Life. Have a family member or friend who seems to always be at the center of chaos?
Are they irritable, explosive, unpredictable and you never know if they love you or hate you from one day to the next?
They’re a lot, a lot of work. They may be suffering from Borderline Personality Disorder.
Anxiety, depression, impulsivity and emotional instability are the core features and early childhood factors are likely to play a role.
Effective treatment for both teens and adults includes antidepressants and dialectical behavioral therapy.
They can be destructive to their own lives and yours. If you express your concerns and they ignore the recommendations, it’s time to limit your relationship to keep their drama from spilling over into your life.
You have the right to NOT get involved. Your family’s well-being should not be sacrificed.
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Topic - Smart, but Dumb. Kids are smart, but dumb according to many parents.
While they have a lot of information, kids lack judgment. Judgment requires both experience and information.
Kids try to jam all their life in before the age of 30, leaving few thrills left to look forward to, so help them develop a perspective of their life span.
Sit down with them and open up a paper grocery bag and draw a line from side to side. Divide the line into thirds.
Describe the first thirty years as the time to devote to building themselves. Time to get an education, develop job skills and have fun.
The next thirty are for building careers and families and the final thirty, to harvest rewards and give back.
Draw another line and ask them how see their time line. Have them describe their dreams and goals.
Their ideas will change as they move through their lives, so keep the bag and revisit it from time to time.
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Topic - Neurology versus Personhood. When I explained Steve’s learning and behavioral problems to him, I focused on how his brain works.
In this way, he learned to think about his school challenges as not being related to “who” he is as a person, but rather to the way his brain works.
It’s a “me” versus “my brain” mentality. Separating neurology from the “sense of personhood” is a game changer.
Instead of seeing himself as “stupid”, he can “blame his brain” and understand how his neurology keeps him from “showing what he knows”. More importantly, he understands the steps he needs to take to turn in his best performance.
This “assignment” of blame and sense of control goes far to reduce anxiety which, in and of itself, will improve his attitude and grades.
Get Steve the information he needs to help him understand and take charge of his school performance.
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Topic - The Financial Cost of Autism. Only recently have states passed laws forcing insurance companies to cover expenses related to autism.
The lifetime cost of treating a person with both autism and intellectual disabilities is $2.4 million. The autism component alone costs 1.4 million.
Few families have the resources to support their autistic children.
As for our country, the projected cost for all affected people is $461 billion, but this total could reach $1 trillion by 2025 if diagnoses continue to rise.
Schools as well as social services are lagging well behind the level of need and it will take many years for them to catch up.
Because early intervention is critical, there’s no time to waste and families are developing community-based programs on their own.
Give them a hand when they call on you for support.
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Topic - Autism Numbers. The emotional cost of autism is staggering.
Considering that 1 in 68 kids are diagnosed yearly, there are about 10 times that many people who are involved with each child and impacted by the stressors that come along with autism.
The cost to society is also high with 37% of them being so disconnected they never finish their education. They don’t have jobs and don’t receive services to help them find jobs even if they have skills.
A total of 50,000 citizens with autism turn 18 every year.
The educational and vocational systems are very, very far behind in developing programs to help them meaningfully integrate into society.
This often falls to families to develop community-based programs.
Get involved or donate to those parents in the community who are working hard to find a place for their adult autistic children. It’s everyone’s responsibility.
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Topic - "My" Disease. I worry. I worry about people who “own” their diseases and disorders.
Just listen to them…do you hear “my cancer”, “my depression”, “my heart attack”?
Ok, sure, this is happening to you, but your attitude about it is playing a powerful role.
When you “own” a health problem, it becomes yours. Treat it as the enemy or, at the very least, an unwanted guest, but don’t welcome it.
Words have emotional and psychological power. Talk about “the” cancer. With each spoken word or thought, distance yourself from it.
It’s not part of you; it’s intruded into your life. Surgically remove it with your thoughts and words.
I realize it’s a small part of the whole process and many of us who’ve been in the “cancer blender” focus on survival and dealing with the effects of treatment, but it’s the little everyday things that end up making a big difference.
Practice this with your kids. They’ll master it by adulthood.
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Topic - Sugar and Power.
When you get those slumps in the middle of the day and you reach for sugar to get some energy to power on, you’re fooling yourself.
It’s actually your level of willpower that allows you to push on and not the sugar.
Those who feel that their performances come from willpower are unaffected by drinking those sugary beverages that we reach for at three o’clock in the afternoon. They don’t get that “rush” from downing a soda.
We used to think that mental activity drains your body, but that’s not the case.
So, when you feel a need for a “little something” as a pick me up, it’s not because your brain is working hard, it’s because your willpower is sliding and you’re getting bored or stressed.
Feed your willpower with protein and physical activity. The change up in activity level will increase your focus.
Before starting homework, let the kids play and have a healthy snack.
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Topic - Caffeine and Growing Brains. Research done with mice tells us the shocking story about the effects of caffeine on developing brains.
Mice mommies drank coffee while pregnant and nursing and their babies had serious memory deficits.
The part of the brain that stores memories, the hippocampus, actually fired off too many messages and caused mild seizures in that part of the brain.
The reason for this? When brains are growing, neurons, or brain cells travel great distances to find their ultimate home.
When mice mommies had caffeine, the neurons traveling to the hippocampus were late to arrive at their final destination.
In humans, much of this migration happens after birth.
Maybe caffeine will affect your baby’s memory or it won’t. Control the controllable. You can live without caffeine for 9 months to give your baby the best chance to have a fully functioning life.
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Topic - The Boundaries of Personal Space. Judging personal space is a social problem for those with Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder and anxiety.
There’s a definite no-fly zone around most people’s faces.
The margin of discomfort is about twenty-to-forty centimeters from the face and continues right up to your skin.
Threatening objects entering this space trigger strong defensive reactions.
Think about a fly buzzing your face and how forcefully you swat at it. The more anxiety people experience, the wider that no-fly zone is.
You can almost tell the anxiety level of people by watching their reactions to things coming close to their faces. People who are calmer wait and evaluate the threat while anxious folks start flailing right away.
Watch your child. If they’re anxious, they’ll need a wide berth to feel comfortable.
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Topic - Sleep and Gene Activity. Until now, science hasn’t been able to explain why sleep-deprived people have so many health problems.
Getting only 6 hours of sleep each night for a week changes the activity of a whopping 711 genes.
Considering we have about 20,000, this may not seem like much, but it took only 7 days of slightly-reduced sleep to produce this serious change.
When you don’t sleep enough, it’s the immune system that takes the biggest hit because the daily rhythm of the genes changes.
You’re likely to get sick and not recover as quickly. Stress from being ill and not meeting life’s demands further compromises sleep. The cycle begins.
The demands of work and family are endless, but get to bed so you can be a healthy, strong parent.
Help your kids manage their time wisely so they get the sleep they need to be healthy, too.
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Topic - Babies Perk Up to Ancient Threats. Deep in our skulls, we have the remains of our ancient, primitive brain.
This brain is wired to make infants pay special attention to those sounds that signal a threat to safety and survival from the caveman days.
The snap of a fire, the hiss of a snake, a clap of thunder and angry voices caused early man to stop and look around for danger.
Today’s infants startle at these same sounds, but don’t respond to modern threats like sirens or glass breaking. Why?
Since the auditory system is very mature at birth and the visual system needs time to mature, it’s thought that babies are wired to sense threatening sounds.
Although they can do nothing to defend themselves, their cries of distress mobilize adults to take action.
When your baby cries, you may be witnessing their ancient brain responding to those early sounds of danger.
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Topic - Identical Twins Differ in the Womb. Identical twins are not copies of each other.
When they’re born, each twin has different chemical markers on their DNA that change the activity of some genes.
Why is this important? The changes these markers cause are responsible for slight differences in appearance and big differences in personality.
They also impact long-term adult health. Twins are vulnerable to low birth weight which has been connected to adult obesity and heart disease.
As well, factors in the womb, such as nutrition levels and the size of the umbilical cord, influence babies’ brain development.
One twin may experience academic problems because of less food and oxygen. Academic problems give rise to a host of social, economic, health and emotional problems that can shorten their life span.
They may look alike, but each twin has their own unique needs.
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Topic - Primed for Pain. Are some people primed for pain?
Do their brains set them up for chronic and devastating pain long after their initial injury should have healed?
Is their discomfort the result of living with pain or the pain itself?
As it turns out, it’s a brain thing and two parts of the brain are involved. These two regions work together to create strong pain sensitivity.
Unfortunately, these are the same regions involved in addiction.
Medical management of chronic pain can result in addiction to the medications.
If your child suffers a serious injury and continues to complain of chronic pain, it may be that they’re primed for pain and are at risk for becoming addicted to the medications prescribed to reduce their misery.
Don’t minimize their distress. Manage their pain wisely.
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Topic - Night Lights and Depression.
Can having the dim glow of a nightlight interfere with your mood? Yes, it can.
Animals exposed to nightlights lost their intense preference for sweet drinks, an indication they no longer got pleasure out of the activities they used to enjoy.
Also, when placed in water, they floated instead of trying to escape as did animals exposed to normal nighttime darkness which again, suggests depression.
So, what’s going on here?
The hippocampus, which is responsible for memory and plays a role in depression, isn’t as active in those who sleep with nightlights as those who sleep in complete darkness.
The dim light shines through eyelids and doesn’t allow the hippocampus to do its nightly routine of filing information and emotionally processing events.
Only two weeks of sleeping in the dark allows the brain to reset itself. Turn off the nightlight after your little one falls asleep.
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Topic - Prematurity and Weak Brain Connections.
Why are premature babies more likely to develop autism, emotional problems and Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder?
Babies born 10 week early have abnormal connections in the brain networks responsible for attention and emotional functioning. These areas don’t work together to focus on goals or regulate emotions.
It might be the case these children had brain issues in the womb and their diagnoses had nothing to do with being born early.
The problems might be triggered by stress, illness or toxic exposure.
How do we fix this? Improving diet and reducing stress and toxic exposures are the first steps.
Early and intensive therapies for newborns and “homework” for mothers are essential to optimize baby’s development.
It’s critical to monitor academic performance and social functioning so interventions can take place quickly. It’s all about the head start.
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Topic - Questions for an Evaluator. OK, so I’ve got referrals for someone to test Jack. Now what?
Call them and ask for an introductory meeting. Ask about their fees for the meeting and have your questions ready.
Review the issues and ask for a written list of the tests to be given and other data to be collected.
Will there be classroom and playground observations? Will teachers complete rating scales and other data to paint a picture of Jack at school? Will they talk with those who work with him to get their “take”?
Can he be tested on Saturday to avoid missing school? What happens after the testing is done? Do they meet with you for an extensive review?
What about Jack? Does he get a “child-size” version of the results?
Find out if they’re willing to meet with school staff and share their ideas.
Check into insurance. Do you need pre-approval or a doctor’s prescription?
It’s an intense and very important process. Do it right.
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Topic - Talking to Babies. We can’t help ourselves. We mothers are wired to speak “motherese” to our babies.
But that’s not the end of it. Babies’ brains are primed to look for and expect language. They need to hear language in order to develop higher order thinking skills which help them problem solve and become social.
This means parents have to move beyond baby talk to conversation.
Vocabulary is everything. Skip the repetition and yes/no questions and work toward a give-and-take conversation.
Focus on what your child likes. Let them vocalize and express themselves as if they’re actually participating.
By the age of 4, kids exposed to high volumes of language have heard 45 million words. Preschool vocabulary predicts reading comprehension.
Considering that a whopping 90% of a child’s vocabulary is learned from parents, don’t put them in front of tv or other technology and expect them to learn. Get off your cell phone and talk WITH your baby.
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Topic - Is your child at risk for cutting?
People cut, burn or mutilate themselves without intent to commit suicide. They do it because they’re emotionally overwhelmed.
Two million Americans, mostly teens, hurt themselves in this way.
Look for signs such as bloody towels, stashes of razors, unexplained cuts and bruises and wearing clothes too warm for the season.
Your first response should be empathy.
Take it seriously. Cutting may eventually lead to suicide.
Avoid focusing on injuries; instead focus on the reasons behind the anxiety.
Don’t make threats. Show love and concern, assure confidentiality.
Although kids may use the internet to share their cuts and burns, self-injury isn’t contagious. Healthy kids won’t hurt themselves, but kids who feel alienated find other kids who feel the same way.
Don’t wait to get help.
Get referrals for several clinicians who specialize in this issue. Interview two or more before introducing your child to them.
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Topic - Headphone Volume. Half of young people, 12 to 35, turn their headphones up too high.
If you can’t hear conversation around you, the music is too loud.
So how do you convince Steve the music is too loud?
Telling him the science behind destroying the thousands of tiny hair cells that change vibrations to electrical signals isn’t going to work.
But the truth is, loud sounds result in noise-induced hearing loss. This occurs when ears are exposed to eighty-five decibels for “long periods of time”.
This is equivalent to city traffic heard inside a car.
Steve will tell you, “You don’t understand. I like it loud.”
He has to experience it, so let him.
Go to HeartheWorld.com and go through the hearing loss exercise. It’s shocking.
Search 10 famous musicians with hearing damage and learn their stories.
Have Steve’s hearing evaluated by an audiologist to get baselines. Let the audiologist tell him the science. It’s all you can do.
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Topic - Nuts and Coffee Can Save Your Life.
Eating only two-thirds of an ounce of nuts a day substantially reduces heart-related health problems even if you’re obese or a smoker.
That’s 16 almonds or 12 cashews. They’re that powerful.
Scientists think nuts improve health through their antioxidant and anti-inflammatory nutrients.
Antioxidants reduce cell death. Inflammation plays a serious role in heart disease and brain disorders such as Alzheimer’s.
Eat unsalted nuts and not peanuts which are technically vegetables. And, drinking 1 to 4 cups of coffee daily reduces calcium deposits in your arteries.
Be careful about adding sugar and cream because these additional goodies may compromise coffee’s benefits.
It’s the sum total of the little things you do each day to increase your chances of being healthy parents for the long haul.
Parenting is a life-long process. Make sure you are here for both the struggles and the joy.
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Topic - Preschool Outdoor Playtime. It’s estimated that preschoolers, on average, spend only 33 minutes a day playing outdoors.
Considering how important being outside is, that number needs to be tripled.
Outdoor time is critical for vision development which requires looking at long distances in order to mature. It’s also critical for the creation of Vitamin D, an essential component for good health.
Cardiac strength is increased by playing outside. Running is only allowed outside.
The playground gives kids a chance for gross motor movement. This is the building block for critical thinking skills like sequencing and “making the connections” of events that happen frequently in the natural world.
From a social standpoint, organized games where cooperation is critical to success are more likely to occur outside.
Most importantly, children can scream and laugh without being told to use their “inside voice”.
So, get your child “out there”! It does a body good!
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Topic - Dangers of Overestimating Skills.
Two young boys were tragically lost when they set sail from Florida. Parents reported that they “grew up” on the water and trusted their skills.
Skills are one thing, judgment that comes from experience is yet another.
Nearly 80% of downing victims are male because both boys and men overestimate their swimming ability. This kind of “confident ignorance” is often thought of as stupidity, but it isn’t.
Insufficient experience in a variety of situations and being too young to have fully developed brains are responsible.
Basically, boys and men “don’t know what they don’t know”. Instead of waiting for learning opportunities to show up, training is required.
Training is based on the universal factors that seem to pop up in many different situations. Don’t ever think that a basic certification course or being exposed to situations is enough.
Skill development is the key and refresher courses are critical to overcome panic in a crisis. Don’t be sorry, be prepared.
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Topic - Blood Flow In Autistic Brains
More is being learned about the differences between autistic and typically-developing brains. We now know that there’s too much blood flowing through the front parts of an autistic brain. This creates problems in understanding and managing social interactions. It also causes delays in the brain’s development resulting in the social-emotional deficits seen in persons with autism. These special blood flow tests reveal the amount of energy that the brain is using. Those with autism have fewer long-range connections between distant parts of the brain. This interferes with information flow and results in problems with social responsiveness. Scientists are on their way to developing medications, treatments and therapies to reduce the devastating effects of autism. We just can’t wait for that day to come!
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Topic - A Fib and Early Smoke Exposure.
If you smoke while pregnant or smoke in the presence of your child, no matter their age, not only are you threatening the health of their lungs, you’re increasing their risk of atrial fibrillation.
A-fib is associated with an increased risk of stroke and heart failure. Love for children often causes change in parents.
Addiction, especially nicotine addiction, is an incredibly powerful force, but so is love and devotion.
Now is the time for you to make a decision about quitting.
Support groups, individual therapy, nicotine patches and oral medications make it easier to stick with the plan.
Even insurance companies have gotten on board to make it easier for you to get effective treatment.
The missing piece in the puzzle is you and your commitment to your child’s healthy life.
Ask yourself if, in 20 years, you can live with the consequences of your 30-year old son announcing he has A-fib. Put your plan in motion today.
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Topic - Text Neck. Are electronic devices changing our posture?
Yes.
Text neck describes the injuries resulting from looking down at wireless devices for too long.
Headaches, upper back pain, shoulder and neck pain and curvature of the spine are symptoms resulting in early onset arthritis, less lung capacity and herniated disks.
We look down to read, but adding one more activity that causes us to look down breaks the camel’s back.
Young kids are causing permanent damage to their growing spine. It’s all about weight.
When your head is upright, it weighs 12 pounds. When bent down, it’s 60 pounds.
Look at the angle of your head when texting. Muscles that can handle 12 pounds can’t handle 60. Text neck sets in.
Prevention is the cure. Hold your devices at eye level and take breaks throughout the day. Shoulders back, head up. Don’t be a hunchback!
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Topic - Caffeine and Bedtime. It makes sense, no coffee before bed, but it’s not why you think.
Caffeine causes sleep delays by interfering with the body’s natural surge in the sleep hormone melatonin which pushes back your circadian clock.
Every cell in your entire body, including fat cells, has a natural clock and messing around with it sets you up for a wide array of health problems including obesity and cancer.
Many studies show a relationship between obesity and sleep deprivation.
As powerful as caffeine is, the effect of the blue light coming from our screens has an even greater impact in reducing the melatonin surge.
If you have to work, wear glasses with orange-tinted lenses. They offset the impact of the blue light.
But, if you guzzle a double espresso 3 hours before bed you’ll have a tough time falling asleep. You may as well work! Just wear your orange-tinted glasses and power on!
Don’t make a habit of it!
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Topic - The 4 I's. There’s no time to waste.
If your child has autism, learning disabilities, ADHD, handwriting problems, deficits in playground skills or emotional difficulties, you need what I call the 4 I’s…immediate, intensive, individualized interventions.
No doctor would ever consider grouping 4 people together with lung cancer and giving them all the same treatment. Why do school districts group kids together with different problems and treat them all the same?
Money.
If your child has speech twice a week for 20 minutes, they’re not getting 40 minutes of therapy.
By the time the therapist rounds up the kids, settles them in and works with them, they’re lucky to get 10 minutes and the treatment isn’t likely to be specific to their needs.
Don’t be fooled. Working with a child individually increases their progress. Don’t settle for “group work”.
If your child needs individual therapy, push for it.
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Topic - The Health App.
If your child or any family member regularly carries a cell phone, make sure you key in the emergency information that make it easy for first responders to immediately identify and learn about their health needs.
Use the Health App on your phone or key in the data under ICE which stands for “In Case of Emergency”.
Many teenagers absolutely will not wear a medical alert bracelet, but they will never be without their cell phones.
Help all family members to know how to access this information on everyone’s phones in the event of an emergency.
Don’t expect your teenagers or adult children to know your health issues and medications.
If a family member has cognitive or speech problems, go to the closest police station and give them a printed sheet with the name of the family member, their condition and your contact information. If a 911 call comes in from your home, the police will know just what to do.
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Topic - Adult Decisions and Information. Kids want to be adults because we seem to have all the power.
They don’t know what goes on behind the curtain. And they don’t need to know.
Kids are great observers of situations, but they rarely understand them. That’s another reason not to share “adult issues” with kids.
Don’t bring them into topics regarding the other parent, financial issues, marital or job stress and other situations where they have no control. It’s just not fair.
There’s a reason why 9-year olds don’t drive. They’re not ready.
And, they don’t have the judgment, experience or information to help you problem solve. Ask a friend, get a therapist, talk to your minister.
There may be situations where children need information perhaps about a disabled sibling or a sick parent. Give them only the information they need to know.
Want help with this? Ask an appropriate organization or a therapist. Kids only need to know they’re safe and you can handle anything. Be careful, fear is contagious.
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Topic - The Importance of Elementary School.
Those nine months after conception can make or break a life. The elementary school years have the same power.
The time spent in the womb creates the building blocks of a mind and body, that’ll carry you to the end. Elementary school builds the knowledge, learning strategies, and social interaction skills, that’ll last a life time.
If you’re illiterate, you’re unemployable. Where do you become literate? Where did Hemmingway learn to spell? Where did NASA scientists learn to compute? Elementary school.
In those early years you learned how to organize yourself, meet basic deadlines, how to stand in line, raise your hand, share your resources. You learned how to deal with adults who were in charge.
Let’s face it, the basics of everything you need to master life is taught in elementary school.
Parents, don’t under estimate these critical years. If your child isn’t measuring up, ask questions, get information, and take action.
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Topic - Treating Autism with Oxytocin. Oxytocin is very powerful. It occurs naturally in the body.
This “love hormone” is necessary to begin labor. It impacts heart health, bone formation and wound healing.
It’s now used to treat autism to relieve the symptoms of social discomfort. It “lights up” the part of the brain that processes emotional and social information.
Delivered as a nasal spray, the effects wear off after a day or two.
It tells us the autistic brain can be awakened. But, it may work only in a subtype of those with autism and may increase anxiety.
While the effects of long-term use are unknown, the oxytocin spray may be most effective if used just before participating in therapies designed to increase social skills.
Autism Speaks is conducting extensive research.
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Topic - Brain Stimulation and Autism. Brain stimulation is the new frontier in treating tremor-related diseases such as Parkinson’s and the debilitating effects of severe mental illness.
Now, it’s being used to treat severe autism.
Deep brain stimulation is a technique where electrodes are implanted in the brain and act as pacemakers.
German doctors implanted electrodes in the brain of a non-verbal 13 year old with severe autism. He had serious self-injurious behaviors that required restraint.
Doctors placed electrodes in the amygdala and his symptoms improved. At 8 weeks of treatment, his symptoms went from a rating of “severely ill” to “moderately ill” in terms of aggression and self-injury.
Eye contact improved, he slept better at night, began trying new foods and didn’t harm himself as much. After 6 months, he began speaking single words.
After 44 weeks, the battery ran out and he deteriorated, but recovered when the battery was replaced. There’s hope for treating autism.
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Topic - Brain trauma in the NFL. Studying the brains of living NFL players reveals that a chemical called tau is associated with repeated concussions.
Previously, tau was detected only during autopsies, but now, it can be seen using PET scans.
The results of these PET scans show that the more concussions a player had, the more tau was present in the brain.
Tau impacts the amygdala which is involved in memory functioning and is the emotional center of the brain.
This makes sense considering the kinds of tragic events with former and current NFL players we’ve seen in the news.
Am I saying not to let your kids play football? Maybe.
If Jeff doesn’t eat, sleep, and breathe football, you might redirect him, but if it’s in his blood, you may cause a lot of problems if you step on his dreams.
Know the risks; consult with a neurologist about managing concussions. Monitor the tau in Jeff’s brain. Keep careful records of any concussions and specific post-concussive behaviors.
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Topic - What makes us laugh at others’ misfortunes?
What makes us want someone else’s stuff? These feelings help us learn how to get along by watching what others do wrong and understanding how they acquire things.
Scientists discovered a small cluster of brain cells that cause us to notice and take delight in the mistakes others make, but ignore our own mistakes. This is schadenfreude.
We know the mirror neuron system helps us learn by imitating others, but there’s another process in play. Mirror neurons team up with a “bean-counting system” that makes an object in someone else’s possession automatically more desirable by creating jealousy.
This “upgrade” happens in two steps.
First, mirror neurons detect that someone has something of interest and then, that information gets sent to the brain’s system that assigns value. This ratchets up its value.
Parents, keep teaching your kids not to be jealous or take delight in others’ bad luck. Know these feelings to help kids learn.
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Topic - Learning While You Sleep. Did you know you can learn while you sleep?
The whole brain doesn’t shut down to get some shut eye. Much of the brain is very alert and that’s the part that learns.
Research has shown we can improve our musical ability, learn to associate a smell with a sound or solidify negative feelings.
Falling asleep after a negative experience can cement those feelings in the brain, so stay awake after a trauma to reduce the impact.
If rotten fish is placed under your nose while you sleep and a tone is played at the same time, you’ll associate the note with the smell when you awaken.
You can expand your vocabulary by listening to tapes while you sleep. After listening to a song while you are napping, you’ll find it easier to hit the right notes on a keyboard.
Since we still don’t understand why we need to sleep, maybe we’re better off by leaving the brain alone at night so it can do what it needs to do.
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Topic - The Brain’s Sleep Switch. How does the miracle of sleep happen?
We know that when brain cells or neurons fire while we’re awake, they release special molecules that attach to other neurons. This is when the magic begins.
These ‘other’ neurons absorb chemicals in the brain that make them sleepy. This means that only part of the brain sleeps which accounts for the “alertness” that’s experienced when we sleep.
While in deep sleep, the brain is still active. We can sleepwalk with our eyes open and have no conscious awareness of our activities. We can learn while snoozing.
Extended periods during the day of brain “laziness” and physical rest won’t make you tired enough to fall asleep because not enough of the special molecules were released.
A key to a good night’s sleep is a balance of both brain and physical activity.
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Topic - Seasons and Mental Illness. Though it sounds a bit like “fake science”, there is research to support the idea that the season in which you are born makes you vulnerable to certain mental illnesses.
Those born in winter and spring have a 5 to 8 percent increase of schizophrenia and bipolar disorder, and those born in spring are more likely to develop depression.
Night owls are more likely born in spring and summer, while morning birds are born in fall and winter.
Curiosity, imagination and an outgoing personality are associated with summer birth.
The amount of daylight and seasonal variations in mother’s diet are likely to account for these patterns.
Now that you’re aware of these birth patterns, look around at your family and see if these patterns fit.
Family members may find comfort knowing that aspects of their personality are related to circumstances outside of their control.
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Topic - Yawning, Empathy and Autism. Young autistic children, about 1 to 4 years of age, do not respond to others’ yawning as much as their peers without autism.
“Responsive” yawning is seen in about half of adults even though most can’t resist a good yawn.
This lack of yawning with others represents problems with empathy. Those with autism have low levels of mirror neurons that allow us to imitate others.
It also impedes motor planning which inhibits the growth of playground and self-care skills such as shoe-tying, dressing and tooth brushing.
Persons with autism don’t “read” the social landscape or facial expressions. Their responses don’t reflect the emotions of their peers causing confusing and avoidance.
Anxiety increases their “misery index”. Understand the reasons for autism before judging the behavior.
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Topic - Men and Dancing. Decades ago, American Band Stand highlighted both the music and the athletic dancing of American teens.
Dancing skills have declined since that time, but the desire to dance has not. It’s not a secret that women are attracted to men who dance well.
It might be more about self-confidence and playfulness than actual skills, but women rate men who have rhythmical head, neck and upper body movement as sexier and more attractive than men who focus on lower body movement.
Perhaps women find lower body movements as being too crass and obvious and consider arm and shoulder movements to be more elegant and welcoming.
Whatever the reasons, take heed, fellas. Get some basic dance training so you’re comfortable with yourself.
And, considering that women are more attracted to men who wear red, you’ll have the ladies lining up at your door if you are dancing wearing a red shirt!
Get out there and have fun!
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Topic - Tired Of Your Food Menu? My Mom cooked for all 6 of us, the 5 kids and Dad every day of our lives.
She had a minuscule kitchen and a limited budget. As she got older, she would say from time-to-time “I’m really tired of food”.
Now that I’ve been in charge of the family menu for decades, I understand her sentiment.
We get stuck making the same uninspired dishes and our family balks if we make something new.
Too bad. Make something different. If they don’t like it, there’s always peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.
Mom, you deserve the right to make something interesting and there are many, maybe too many, websites and magazines to inspire you.
It doesn’t have to be fancy. You know the flavors that your family prefers, so dive in.
Avoid those “5-star” recipes that require exotic ingredients and expensive machines. And, it doesn’t have to be a dinner dish. Make a new dessert.
Make something YOU like. Enjoy yourself for a change!
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Topic - Your Emotional Time Zone. Which emotional time zone do you live in?
The past? The present? The future?
There are those who say, “Get over it, that’s the past, move on”, but you can’t.
You can’t make sense of what happened, but you need to figure it out in order to move into the present and look toward the future.
It’s foolish to think that you can leave your past behind, but if you take up residence there, it’s not healthy.
You know what we say about history; if you don’t study it, you’re doomed to repeat it.
Get therapy to educate yourself so you can benefit from your mistakes.
If you live in the present, you may not improve yourself. You’ll stay stuck at the same level of emotional development.
If you live in the future, you’ll miss out on the lessons and joys of today.
Moving in and out of your emotional time zones will help you to achieve a healthy life balance.
It just makes sense to observe yourself and see which emotional time zone you spend most of your time.
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Topic - How Schools Use Your Tax Dollars Against You. Mike’s parents knew they had to do something.
He’s in the 9th grade, failing his classes and testing proved his reading was at the 3rd grade level.
It was time to get a lawyer and file a complaint against the district for failing to educate their child.
If Mike’s parents are lucky, they’ll find an effective lawyer who’ll take their case on a contingency basis. If they’re unlucky, they’ll write retainer checks for many thousands of dollars and the process will likely drag on for years.
School districts, on the other hand, use your property tax dollars to wage war against you in this process. They hire attorneys at $400 an hour to keep your child from being educated.
There’s nothing fair here. Oftentimes, if districts know you don’t have the money to fund the fight, they’ll just wait you out. It’s a battle of attrition.
If you robbed a bank, you’d get a taxpayer-funded lawyer to protect your rights. What about the rights of our kids? It’s time to cut off this money to schools.
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Topic - Emotional Decibels of Words. “I hate chocolate mint chip ice cream”, Paul said.
His mother sharply said, “Paul, we don’t hate anything”.
Why do we accept some words more than others? Because nearly every word has an emotional component.
Whether we accept or reject words has to do with its emotional decibel level. Does the word cause a positive or negative response?
In writing or speaking, it’s important to choose the emotional tone that matches your feelings. A stronger position requires more intense words.
Heard the expression “A strongly-worded letter?” The person presented their position in a definitive fashion.
There is nothing to interpret about the message. Kids pick up on emotionally-charged words more than adults. They hear the emotions and not the message.
Words matter. Be careful. Use straight-forward, emotionally neutral language.
Get their attention, don’t over-talk, and don’t leave them guessing.
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Topic - Smaller Scale of an Autistic Life. It suddenly occurred to me when I was talking to a mom.
I was explaining how her autistic son would need a smaller college and a humane work environment once he graduates.
He has tremendous potential to overcome many of his symptoms because he has very strong language which allowed him to develop his intelligence.
Anxiety and severe attentional issues will be at play for a while.
She sighed and said, “I wanted him to have a bigger life”.
The “ah ha” moment struck. Those with autism often have a smaller “scale” life. They go to college, just not the huge schools with high profile football teams. They’re employed, but often have to start out lower on the ladder to prove their work.
Their lives might not be as publicly celebrated as others, but they can still achieve satisfaction in life. It’s their definition of satisfaction that counts, not yours.
Like most kids, it will take a while for them to chart their own course. They’ll get there in their own time.
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Topic - Make Friends and Be Healthy. People talk about “friends” differently from “acquaintances.
The more “friends” you have, however you define them, the healthier you are. The sense of belonging is essential to mental health.
On the hierarchy of needs, it’s just above the food, clothing, shelter, safety level. It’s just that important.
Having social support reduces depression, anxiety and encourages more effective problem-solving.
The shared emotional experience reduces sorrow and pain, enhances joy and celebration.
Of course, there’s give and take. The reciprocity gives us opportunities to participate in peoples’ lives which make us healthy.
Participating in and observing acts of kindness and compassion causes our brains to release oxytocin, sometimes called the “love drug” because it is activated through acts of love.
Be wary of those friends who take more than they give or who are toxic and not truly engaged with you. It may be time to move on.
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Topic - Women and Smoking. Women have a much harder time with quitting smoking and it’s a brain thing.
When women smoke, dopamine, the reward and pleasure chemical is released rapidly into the part of the brain associated with habit formation.
We know that nicotine causes 200% more dopamine to be released when you smoke. But this “double whammy” of delivering so much dopamine to the habit forming center of the brain makes it difficult for women to quit.
Women need a very different approach to reduce their tobacco use than men. They may smoke because of habit and not a true addiction.
An effective program may focus on their smoking behavior.
When men smoke, dopamine is released into the part of the brain that reinforces the effects of drugs making withdrawal difficult for them. Men continue to smoke to avoid withdrawal, so the patch system may work better for them.
Understand the “why” behind your smoking before you decide “what” to do about it.
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Topic - Weight Loss and Teens. Ever heard the expression, “You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make ’em drink?”
Well, nagging your teenagers about losing weight is the same dynamic.
Teenagers lose weight when they are ready, not to please their parents or impress their peers.
Be supportive and create an environment where they can meet the goals they, themselves, have established.
No need to get complicated. Just have fresh fruits and veggies, chicken and fish in the house.
Obviously, no soda, minimal snacks and sweets will help reduce temptation.
Take a brief walk every day with them to reduce anxiety and burn calories. It may just help your relationship, too!
Offer support with a nutritional counselor or an exercise coach.
Most importantly, let your teen lead the way. What may seem like a helpful suggestion, may backfire on you. Stay on the sidelines!
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Topic - LED's and Sleep. Computer monitors, reading lights and other LED screens contribute to sleep problems.
If you use devices with light emitting diode screens just before bed, you’re in for trouble. We now know that the action of LED screens make it hard to fall asleep and wake up feeling alert and ready to go.
LEDs are so powerful that they disrupt circadian rhythm which is the primitive and naturally-occurring clock that regulates your daily life.
The problem is not with the stimulation of reading or working on a computer. The same issues are not seen when people read printed books.
Light is critically important to the sleep-wake cycle. When early morning light shines through your eyelid, it hits the pineal gland and says, “Rise and shine!”
Introducing an unnatural light source, especially LEDs, upsets the way the vision-sleep system works and may make you drowsy and irritable the following day.
So, pick up a good ol’ fashioned paper book and read before bed!
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Topic - Guns & Suicide. A whopping 64% of suicides in the US since 2012 have been committed using guns.
This has been steadily increasing since 2006. If you have a depressed family member or friend, secure your guns.
11% of Americans will have major depressive disorder during their teens. 3% will suffer from very severe depression.
Don’t make it easier for them to hurt themselves. Teenagers, with their immature brains and ridiculously poor impulse control, might just see that gun as a solution to their problems.
They live in the moment, struggle to see past their noses and their emotions are so painfully intense that escape is all they’re looking for.
Don’t give them the chance to make a permanent mistake. Monitor your teens intensely. Lock up your guns and booze.
If you see behaviors that make you ask yourself, “What’s going on?’, then get help right away.
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Topic - Exercise and Cognitive Functioning. Recess is nearly non-existent in schools today. No wonder kids are struggling with attention and dealing with anxiety.
When I was in elementary school in the early-to-mid 60’s, we had a PE teacher, art, music and science teachers.
In PE, we learned physical skills as well as sportsmanship. Now, it’s recommended that kids 6-17 years of age get an hour of physical activity daily.
Apparently, that’s on you now, Mom and Dad. Go ahead, try to fit that in along with homework and after school activities.
It’s important to make the effort because exercise improves the quality of bones and muscles, cholesterol levels and blood pressure. Even 20 minutes has a positive effect on cognitive functioning both now and later.
It dramatically improves attentional skills. A 20-minute walk and a protein snack before homework may be just the ticket for getting homework done without a fight.
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Topic - Preschool Temper Tantrums.Ah yes, the terrible twos. Characterized by complete mastery of the word “no” and temper tantrums.
You actually begin to look forward to their 3rd birthday because just maybe some of this behavior will slow down.
Well, you’re right, it’s supposed to get easier. If the tantrums continue, it’s not typical and it’s sure not healthy.
Less than 10% of preschoolers have daily tantrums regardless of their gender, race or family income.
Frequent, intense tantrums are linked to emerging, serious neurological and psychological issues such as autism, Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder, sensory processing disorders and bipolar disorder.
They may also signal that your child is struggling with regulating their emotional or arousal states. They’re having trouble finding a “middle ground” emotionally.
They’re easy to trigger and tough to calm down. Find out what’s going on and take steps to help your child learn to cope. It sure isn’t going to get any better if you don’t.
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Topic - Dopamine and Drugs. Dopamine! Because dopamine plays a role in reward and pleasure, we want more, more, more.
Certain activities and a variety of drugs increase the release of dopamine. The more it’s released, the more addicting the activity or substance.
Eating food raises your dopamine level by 125%, where sex increases it 150%.
Nicotine ramps up the release by 200% making it very difficult to kick the habit. Cocaine jacks it up by 300%. Methamphetamine increases dopamine dumping by a staggering 1000%.
You can see why it’s ultra-addicting. At some point, brain cells stop accepting dopamine, so you’ve gotta use more drugs to get the same sensation.
The addiction cycle is firmly in place. Now that you know the risk, you can make smarter choices.
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Topic - Fetal Memories. Leave it to the Brits to make research on infant memories a blast.
Pregnant women were asked to watch the British version of All in the Family and laugh. Another group of pregnant women were ordered NOT to watch the show.
When all of the children were several months old, the show’s theme song was played and all of the babies showed alerting behavior to the music.
Amazingly enough, only the babies whose mothers watched the show and laughed also laughed when the music played.
Babies are very capable of learning emotions and information in the womb. Obviously, if they’re able to learn positive experiences, they’re also capable of learning negative ones.
Be aware that sensory messages such as sight and sound create teachable moments for your babies. Chemical messages such as adrenalin and cortisol are released into your bloodstream during times of stress and can rewire your baby’s brain for anxiety.
Protect your baby now for a brighter future.
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Topic - Anxiety Timeline. Anxiety, sadness and pain are like earthquakes. When they start, your biggest fear is “How bad is this gonna get and how long is it gonna last?”
These feelings are a lot scarier for children. When sad and bad things happen, put their feelings into the perspective of time.
Evan came into my office in September. His dog, Buddy, had just died. I told him the sad feelings would stop and happy memories would start at Halloween.
Many emotional crises resolve in 8-10 weeks and Evan’s did.
My close friend died at age 37. Our 7-year old son became sad about us dying. We sat him down, tore open a grocery bag and drew a long line with him at one end and us about two-thirds of the way down.
“We’ll die when you’re our age. You’ll have teenage kids, a wife, house, job and a car” all the while drawing it out.
He said, “That’s a really long time!” He never brought it up again.
Anchor feelings into their experiences to get the message home.
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Topic - Regulatory Disorder. There he is, screaming at the top of his lungs, spit flying and hands flailing. What happened?
Someone took HIS parking space. This isn’t new behavior for Tom; he’s done this all of his life and he’s gotten fired, divorced and in legal trouble for it.
What’s his problem? Tom has a regulatory disorder. And, this is the adult version.
He struggles to regulate his states of arousal.
When he was an infant, Tom didn’t sleep, had colic and trouble soothing himself. The slightest noise, touch, scratchy clothing and bright lights put him in a tailspin. He was an irritable child and teen, so it was hard to like him.
Tom is “all or nothing” and he’s exhausting. If Tom understood that he has regulatory and sensory issues, he’d could learn to cope.
And yes, adults can have sensory issues, so consult with a neurologist, occupational therapist or a psychiatrist to get answers.
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Topic - Consistency. What would it be like to wake up in a different house, in a different city, with different clothes, food, family members and language?
An extreme example, yes, but this is what it’s like when you’re inconsistent with Jeff.
If the rules and your behavior change from one day to the next, he won’t know what the expectations are and anxiety will erupt.
Predictability enhances confidence and a sense of security.
Yes, it’s a real pain to impose that “no cookies before dinner” rule and it’s tough to deal with his whining and pleading, but you gotta do it.
If you’re inconsistent, he’ll call “no fair” and he’ll be right. As Jeff gets older, he’ll question the rules and pick which ones he wants to follow because that’s what you do.
Don’t set him up for failure. Teach Jeff to be committed to following the rules even if other people aren’t.
This training gives him the strength to resist breaking the rules when you’re not around.
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Topic - The Coffee Jolt. Coffee drinkers will tell you that caffeine sharpens their minds. As it turns out, they’re right.
Caffeine stimulates the hippocampus. The hippocampus holds your memories and sits deep inside the brain behind your ears.
Fun fact. Hippocampus is Latin for seahorse and yes, they’re two small organs shaped like seahorses!
Caffeine strengthens the connection between the nerve cells and these “amped up” cells enhance learning and memory. The higher the caffeine dose, the stronger the connection.
A caffeine dose 10 times normal which is reached only by die-hard coffee addicts, produces the strongest effect which lasts for about 3 hours.
The makers of Red Bull and Jolt and certainly Starbucks know how to draw you in and keep you comin’. They know that with work and home responsibilities, most of us are running on fumes.
The long-term impact of this level of caffeine consumption is not known, so approach with caution.
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Topic - Coveting. The grass is always greener on the other side.
Man, I’d kill to have his truck. Yes, we covet. We want what “that” person has.
You’re not lacking moral character, it’s your brain! The mirror neuron system is responsible. It’s the part of the brain that turns on when either performing or watching someone perform an act.
Envy is an infectious disease and explains much of human behavior. Just look at the Black Friday sales!
Copying other people is a good way to learn about the environment and also protects our survival.
Two systems are involved in coveting. The mirror neuron system and the system that helps us decide the value of an object. Put them together and ta da! You want what other people want and have.
It’s not about competition, it’s about survival.
Again, advertising agencies use this trait to sell their trinkets. Help your kids to use the rational part of their brains to make smart financial decisions!
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Topic - Morality: Learned or Wired? Morality does not come from our relatively recent ability to reason, but comes from our animal ancestors.
Morality comes before reason. A chimpanzee will drown to save its peers and will refuse food if eating prevents others from being injured.
Dogs have a sense of “wild justice” suggesting animals have a sense of right and wrong. Their behavior and ours comes from ancient social tendencies.
Team work made it possible for animals and humans to survive. It was necessary to make sacrifices to keep the species going.
Those sacrifices left a traceable impact on the emerging brain. As we evolved, reasoning and impulse control advanced the socialization process.
The development of language generated a code by which we live. When people say killers act like animals, they’re actually…not.
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Topic - The Brain's Role In Weight Loss. Can’t lose weight? Maybe it’s your brain’s fault.
In obese people, even when the brain knows the body isn’t hungry, it responds to food as if it were.
In people with normal weight, the reward system associated with food turns off when blood sugar levels return to normal after a meal. But with obese people, the reward center stays on.
When blood sugar is low, your brain has very little activity in the area behind the forehead, the prefrontal cortex, which controls reason and willpower.
The result? Don’t go grocery shopping when you’re hungry or you’ll come home with 5 jars of imported mustard along with everything else.
For obese people, the part of their brain that consciously allows them to make decisions about eating is largely turned off which perpetuates obesity. They just can’t understand why this is happening.
A plan to take in reasonable amounts of food and understanding their “hungry brain” will give them more control.
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Topic - Botox. Botox is great to ease those lines in your face, but it may also cause “emotional wrinkles”.
First-time Botox users were slower at evaluating negative emotions which put them at a social disadvantage.
They had no trouble with recognizing “happy” emotions. Facial expressions trigger and intensify the relevant feelings associated with an interaction rather than simply broadcast what an individual is feeling.
It’s rather like the lyrics in a song, it’s only part of the message. If you’re responding to the world behind a “locked face”, you might react the wrong way to someone who is angry which could put your safety at risk.
Because Botox paralyzes the frown muscle which runs across the forehead and pulls the eyes inward and down, it may also weaken brain circuits that coordinate negative emotions.
So go ahead and get that youthful face, but understand that there are “side effects” to having smooth skin. Being beautiful comes with a price!
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Topic - Oxytocin. Oxytocin is a hormone that plays a big role in building trust, bonding and maternal instincts.
Oxytocin is released from the brain to trigger labor.
The chemical version of the hormone was created in 1953 and earned its creator a Nobel Prize.
Oxytocin, in various forms, is used in hormone therapy and to speed delivery time for women in labor.
Because it enhances trust and helps people to tune into the emotions of others, it’s been considered in the treatment of autism, social phobias and addiction. It’s also been used to treat fertility.
Of course, you’re thinking, “Is this related to OxyContin and oxycodone?”
OxyContin and oxycodone are powerful narcotics used to relieve pain and yes, they’re highly abused drugs. You can see why they make you feel really good.
If you’re prescribed “oxy”, be very careful about the seductive effects of this medication. Carefully monitor your use.
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Topic - BPA's and Children. Cash register and credit card receipts contain BPA or biphenol-A, the same chemical used in plastic bottles and food storage containers and has been labeled a “chemical of concern”.
It’s quickly absorbed into your skin, especially if your hands are wet or oily.
Outlawed only in baby bottles and sippy cups, the FDA has determined low levels don’t significantly impact our health.
BPA’s most serious impact is on your fetus.
When mother is exposed to BPA in pregnancy and gives birth to a girl, at age 2 years, that girl is more aggressive than normal.
If she gives birth to a boy, he may be more anxious and withdrawn.
BPA causes obesity, thyroid problems, asthma, heart disease, breast, brain and prostate cancers and has a significant impact on sexual behavior and reproduction.
It can even make you sensitive to drug abuse.
Control the controllable. Use glass for food storage and watch out for those receipts if you’re pregnant.
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Topic - Blinking. You blink about every five seconds and you don’t even notice it.
Parts of the brain associated with visual awareness briefly shut off during a blink and don’t detect the blackness behind closed eyes.
It happens so fast that the sensation of darkness is prevented from reaching consciousness. This is called the “suppression switch”.
This switch is activated for many types of information such as when your eyes are jumping all around while scanning the environment. The brain experiences a smooth streaming image and not snapshots of separate images.
The switch may be involved when you “read between the lines” in social situations.
Because you rapidly process information, you quickly fill-in-the-blanks based on previous experience with the situation and make errors by “jumping to conclusions”.
In high value situations, slow down and check in with yourself to determine if your response will be on-target or if you’ll just embarrass yourself.
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Topic - Retail Therapy. The part of your brain usually associated with fear, the amygdala, is also responsible for determining the value of an item.
Evaluating objects is something we do every moment. As it turns out, it is more of an emotional process than an intellectual one.
We laugh about the concept of retail therapy, but that idea actually may have merit.
Activity in the amygdala increases the more we value an object. It’s likely that the increase in activity prompts that “gotta have it, gotta have it” conversation that causes you to take those shoes to the cashier even though you know you don’t need them and cannot afford them.
Don’t think for one minute that the advertising industry is ignorant of this! If you overspend, you are likely falling prey to your overly-excited amygdala which is nothing but emotion.
Now that you know this, train yourself to talk back to it and find ways to distract yourself from overspending. Don’t let your amygdala get you into debt!
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Topic - Motherese. We can’t help ourselves. We know we look and sound foolish and frankly, my dear, we don’t care.
When we have kids or even get around other peoples’ kids, we launch into a wacky language called motherese.
It’s that exaggeration of language and facial expressions that creates the mother-infant bond and jump starts the baby’s emotional and cognitive development.
About 30 million years ago, in a common ancestor of human and apes, this capacity for emotional interactions between mother and infants began. It’s an ancient behavior with an incredibly important purpose.
Intimate interaction between mother and child actually creates the baby’s brain.
Essentially, mother’s interaction with baby stimulates growth in areas of the brain that are critical for later functioning. If this stimulation doesn’t take place within the first year of life, the door closes and cannot be opened.
So go ahead, be whacky, Mom, you’ve got a baby brain to build!
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Topic - Infant Gender & Milk Quality. Mother’s milk is usually baby’s first food, but baby’s gender determines the fat content of the milk.
This is important because the quality of mother’s milk impacts baby’s growth and development.
Studies found that wealthy women with sons gave richer milk. Poor women with daughters offered richer milk. Why?
Nature invests in women when times are hard and in sons when times are easy. Whereas sons might find wives and have children, they might not. If women survive to adulthood, they’re likely to have children.
Nature decided that women are a more reliable bet in order to keep the species going.
Humans aren’t the only animals that make a choice depending on the baby’s gender and mother’s living conditions. Gray seals, red deer and rhesus monkeys also make the same decisions.
It seems as though nature has decided that men are a luxury but women are a necessity. Hey, don’t blame me, I’m just the messenger!
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Topic - Irlen Syndrome. Does Jack see “rivers” on the paper created by the spaces between the words when he reads?
Do the words float off the page? Does he have trouble reading under fluorescent light or get headaches when he reads?
Does he read slowly, skip words and lines? Is it hard for him to read for long periods of time?
Jack may not need glasses. These and other conditions can be symptoms of Irlen Syndrome.
Irlen Syndrome is not a vision problem but is the brain’s difficulty with processing visual information. It’s relieved by using colored filters or colored lenses to reduce perceptual distortions.
Nearly half of people with reading problems, dyslexia and learning disabilities have Irlen Syndrome although they may also have other difficulties.
Want to learn more to help Jack. Take a self-test at www.Irlen.com and explore the kinds of visual distortions that Irlen Syndrome causes.
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Topic - Holding Kids Back.Retaining kids or holding them back a grade is a huge decision which can have lifelong impact.
Get information before going forward. Research indicates that kids who are held back in elementary school are 60% less likely to graduate from high school.
But why is this? Are academic, attentional or emotional problems interfering with learning? Was he held back and the reasons for the lack of progress never explored?
More of the same isn’t going to help.
Before deciding to retain your child, request that the district conduct an assessment.
Make the request in writing. They have to honor it without more interventions or delays and give you an assessment plan within 15 days of your request.
Just as ADHD medication is not a quick fix, neither is retention. If you retain your child, consider transferring them to another school to avoid the social “hit”.
Understand the risks and benefits before deciding.
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Topic - Minute By Minute Parenting. At stop lights, I see parents in a car with three kids and I wonder how they do it.
Three kids, at different stages of life with distinctly different personalities with their own unique needs, must make a parent feel like a big rig trucker flying down an icy mountain road with no brakes.
At any moment, mistakes in judgment might be catastrophic.
Ethan is a sensitive guy who needs a softer touch while Jeff needs it straight and to the point.
Janet, well, Janet’s needs depend on the exact second you’re interacting with her because she’s 14 and all bets are off.
Good enough parenting is truly good enough. You won’t get it right all the time or even most of the time, but kids are people under construction.
They’ve never been this age before and you’ve never parented them at this age before. Make mistakes and move on.
I’m reminded of the Doobie Brothers song, Minute by Minute. Yep, that’s the approach. Minute-by minute parenting. Perhaps their other hit, What a Fool Believes is closer to reality.
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Topic - Sibling Abuse. Alex went to school with bruises on his neck and arms. His 3rd grade teacher, Mrs. Roberts, asked him how he got them.
Alex responded, “My brother, Tony. He’s 13 and he’s always beating me up.”
This doesn’t look like “horseplay” to her. She has no choice but to file a child abuse charge against Tony.
She’s a mandated child abuse reporter and she doesn’t have to be certain that abuse is occurring; she only has to have a reasonable suspicion that it might be happening. She also doesn’t have to tell anyone she’s filed the complaint.
When siblings inflict emotional, physical or sexual abuse on one another, it must be reported. This is a really difficult situation when mental illness is involved.
Children with bipolar siblings are frequently sexually abused and are at great risk for physical abuse due to the extremes in moods and aggressive reactions of their disturbed sibling.
Parents, tell your kids about the laws and that violence isn’t tolerated in your home.
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Topic - Early Stress in Girls. When a baby girl has a rough start in life, especially during the first year, she has brain changes that cause anxiety into her late teens.
When mother is stressed during her pregnancy and after delivery, baby has a tougher time.
At age 5, Lisa still shows signs of stress. Her stress response system became hyperactive while she was in the womb.
It was reinforced for years because mother was stressed.
Fourteen years later, it’s the same story. Lisa’s overly emotional, hyperactive, anxious and depressed.
She lacks coping skills to manage her young life. She doesn’t regulate her behavior which leads to impulsive choices.
Lisa’s vulnerable to drug and alcohol use, multiple sexual encounters and acting out behavior. She’s likely to fail at school, have a child early and have limited opportunities for self-sufficiency.
Lisa will perpetuate the cycle if there’s no intervention.
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Topic - Grilled Cheese. Do you know any kids or adults, for that matter, who absolutely love grilled cheese sandwiches?
Even if they are made with the cheapest cheese, we love ‘em. Why?
We just love the way it feels in our mouths. It’s not about the taste.
Once cheddar reaches about 150 degrees, the milk breaks down and the cheese becomes creamy and we just love creamy.
All of the sensations associated with melted cheese-smoothness, gooeyness and warmth signal to the brain that it’s gotten hold of a fatty little treat.
We humans LOVE fat. Can’t ya’ tell?
There are receptors in our mouths designed to detect the texture of oily foods which are rich in calories. It’s the same dynamic with warm pudding and other smooth, creamy goodies.
So, when you’re craving gooey, creamy, warm grilled cheese, it’s not about the taste, it’s about the texture and your ancient brain telling you what it wants.
Oh, and don’t forget the tomato soup!
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Topic - Sports and Grades. Some of my students have such crippling learning disabilities that the hope of getting and keeping a C average is nearly impossible even with special education and other support.
If they don’t have a C average, they can’t play sports.
Sports are oftentimes the only way my students can meaningfully participate in school. It’s their only source of self-worth and belonging.
On the football field, Ryan can get the respect he doesn’t earn in the classroom. As part of the team, he learns self-discipline, team work, following directions and accepts instruction and mentoring from his coaches.
When football is taken away, what else does he have? This void in his life leaves him depressed, anxious and hopeless.
There’s nothing he can do to change the situation and his helplessness makes him vulnerable to unhealthy influences.
Request a waiver to allow Ryan to still be a part of the team. If he’s working as hard as he can and behaving, he’ll stand a good chance of getting the waiver.
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Topic - Early Puberty. Since 1950, the onset of puberty for girls has dropped by at least a year.
There’s an entire generation of girls who are sexually maturing as early as 8 years old. Why is this happening?
Obesity, toxins and stress are to blame.
The number of obese kids has tripled over the last 30 years. An overweight girl’s body signals that she can support a pregnancy and hormones clear the way for babies.
Toxins that mimic estrogen spark breast development even before menstruation starts and triggers overall sexual maturity.
Stress activates hormone responses to danger which tells the body to hurry up and reproduce because you might not get the chance.
Kids who have poor relationships with their parents and girls who grow up without fathers start puberty early putting them at risk for parenthood and a loss of opportunity.
Watch for signs of puberty in your kids and help them learn to cope.
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Topic - The Four "I's". When I talk about 4 I’s, I’m not making fun of people with glasses!
I’m talking about the individualized, intensive instruction that’s needed immediately in order to support a student.
Intensive instruction includes speech and language therapy, educational or occupational therapy.
Specialized programs like Lindamood-Bell Learning Processes and CogMed may be recommended to give Carl the foundation he needs to benefit from classroom instruction.
Many of these therapies require daily participation which may not be feasible during the school day, so request that Carl have a “dual enrollment” schedule whereby he attends his treatment and then, returns to school.
These support systems need to be carefully timed to avoid having Carl feel punished for having learning problems. He still needs to participate in sports and other activities that give him success.
It’s a balancing act, but it’s do-able. Be creative.
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Topic - Blood Types. The blood types found in people today started more than 20 million years ago and have been shared by other species for survival reasons.
Nothing is more important than surviving.
Type A was around before the B and O versions popped up in humans, gorillas, and baboons.
It’s also thought that those with Types A and B might have inherited them from a single ancestor millions of years ago.
Why do we care? Blood types make you vulnerable to disease.
Type Os catch cholera, plague, and other diseases more than others. Type As get smallpox. People with Type A are prone to blood clots which allowed them to survive during childbirth and after they suffered traumatic wounds.
Does blood type have anything to do with the diet that’s best for us? An interesting book called Eating Right for Your Type by Peter D’Adamo thinks so, and his ideas make sense. Maybe it’s your answer, too.
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Topic - Genes Can Change. Identical twins aren’t.
While they may look alike, their DNA isn’t the same as we once thought. As each twin grows, they become more genetically distinct.
Researchers wondered why one twin develops, for example, diabetes and the other one doesn’t. A closer look at their genetic code shows they’re not identical.
Some have chains of genes that have broken off and when they repaired themselves, they left out genes or created extra copies. This makes one twin vulnerable to diseases.
We used to think that genes were set once we’re born. We now know they change, for better or worse.
Toxic environments, extreme stressors and diet cause our genes to change in order to adapt. Lifestyle habits such as smoking and drinking can change the genetic code to make us vulnerable to cancer or liver disease.
You can’t do a thing about your genes, but you can make the most of what you’ve got by maintaining a healthy lifestyle. Who knew??
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Topic - Emotional Learning. You make memories throughout the day.
As time goes on, you recall less and less of the details, but if there were strong emotions attached to the event, you’ll remember it.
This kind of “emotional learning” seats the memory in the brain and makes it easier to recall. This kind of learning is typically associated with adrenalin which records the information on the emotional core of the brain.
Making meaning out of information that you’re learning will help you to access it on demand. This is why mnemonic devices work. They create meaning that paints a picture.
When Sam has to learn the names of the Great Lakes, for example, all he has to remember is HOMES which is the first letter of each Great Lake name.
For especially tedious information such as the names of the US presidents, creating silly ways to recall them is the most effective approach for Sam.
Putting names to music will also trigger Sam’s memory. Get goofy and make learning fun for your kids.
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Topic - Teen Smoking. Why do teenagers still smoke?
Sure, while they know that heavy smoking is fatal, they don’t know that light or intermittent smoking is also very harmful and can cause serious disease.
Max doesn’t relate to the horrifying statistics because the parts of his brain that evaluate risk and long-term consequences won’t mature until he’s in his 20s.
He doesn’t stand a chance against the advertisers who spend $9 billion a year targeting him with sexy, glitzy ads.
He doesn’t know that nicotine stimulates feelings of pleasure and changes his brain to make him even more vulnerable to nicotine addiction.
Now, e-cigarettes make smoking seem less fatal. They have less stigma, but they still deliver nicotine. They’re legal for teens to buy and more kids are using e-cigarettes than tobacco because they can.
Max needs to know the health risks and your disapproval of all smoking.
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Topic - Grandparents and Drug Use. Baby boomers, born between 1946 and ‘64, make up 30% of the population.
By 2030, there will be 71 million of us.
This group became well known in the ‘60s for powerful changes in attitudes toward drug use. They used illegal drugs to a much greater extent than did previous generations.
It was thought that they would outgrow their love affair with recreational drugs, but that is oh so not the case.
By 2005, nearly 5% of baby boomers visiting ERs reported that they’ve used drugs since the ‘60s.
When you send your kids to the grandparents for the weekend, you may want to ask those delicate questions focusing on substance use.
Yes, they’re your parents, but your kids come first. Your kids’ safety is in their hands and grandparents have to be alert and ready to problem-solve. Just sayin’…
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Topic - The Aha Moment. You’ve said it yourself many times. “Oh, I get it!”
That aha moment is the point where you suddenly understand.
Archimedes sat in a public bath and made some observations. He could tell the volume of an object by how much water it displaced.
The story goes he jumped from the bath and ran home naked screaming “Eureka”, Greek for “I found it”.
In the 1920s, the aha moment was expanded to describe “insight learning” which is the sudden realization of a solution.
Babies have a tremendous amount of aha moments as they encounter their world for the first time. The sudden changes in the brain’s electrical activity signals something new is going on. It leads to creativity.
So, instead of putting the square peg in the square hole, give your baby the triangle and square pegs and allow them to experiment! Watch the aha moment happen!
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Topic - Competing Needs. Working on your future while you meet the demands of today is a very necessary challenge. It’s like driving a car while you work on it.
Do you give a little less to your family so you can get a degree? Or, do you sacrifice your own goals to give them what you think they need?
We call this “competing needs”.
Ask yourself, “What is my plan?” Find out exactly what’s required to get that degree and develop a reasonable time frame. Slow and steady wins the race.
Present the plan to your spouse and then, to the kids. Ask them what they can do to help. Begin the process and refine the plan as you go along.
Hold brief family meetings weekly to check in with everybody. Take a break from classes now and again just to catch your breath.
When you finish, the kids will be proud of helping you. If you don’t go for it, you’ll be resentful.
Everybody can have what they want and need. It takes team work to make the dream work.
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Topic - Human Skin. Skin is your largest organ. It’s more than just the package.
Skin is the first line of defense against disease and is a major warning system for danger. It’s critical to your survival and to the survival of many species.
Kittens, who are removed from mother need to have their digestive systems massaged in order to live. Mother cat instinctively licks their bellies to jump start their digestive systems.
Human babies undergo the same kind of “licking” and massaging as they move through the birth canal. This important process of stimulating every part of their bodies sends critical information to the brain.
This is why babies delivered by Cesarean section need massage at birth.
Skin takes a beating. Look your kids over to make sure their skin is healthy. Having strong armor, so to speak, protects them.
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Topic - Two Kids. When is one and one not two? When you have one child and another one comes along.
In statistics, interaction occurs when one condition affects another one in such a way as to create a new set of conditions.
For example, if you smoke, you can get certain diseases. When you booze it up, you can get other kinds of diseases, but if you smoke and drink, you’re vulnerable to yet a third group of diseases.
It’s the interaction of alcohol and smoking that causes chaos in the body and expands the list of deadly diseases you can contract.
Your two children interact with each other. “Mom! Joey took my marker!” “Mom, tell Janie to get out of my room!” The endless noise, conflict, and refereeing.
One kid and one kid is so much more than two kids.
While all of it’s natural and expected, it doesn’t diminish the fact that it seriously impacts the quality of family life on a daily basis. Just something to consider!
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Topic - Brain Facts. You know how it is. We repeat information to the point where we believe it.
Do we really use only 10% of our brain? I dunno.
Whereas your brain represents just 2% of body weight yet uses 20% of your body’s energy, scientists aren’t sure how much of the brain is used by any one person.
We do know that it needs a lot of nutrition to stay alert. Energy hog!
We say that the right brain is creative and the left brain is language-focused. Bunk! Brain imaging studies show that we use both sides of the brain for all thinking and for reading and math.
You don’t have to master one language before learning another. Kids who learn two languages together have a better sense of language as a whole. They may learn them more slowly, but master them just the same.
And yes, male and female brains differ physically, but there’s no research to prove that men and women learn new skills differently. As usual, science will catch up to myth and put a thumbs up or down on it.
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Topic - Changing Direction. I’ve done everything right, but it turned out wrong. Sound like a country song?
Looking back, I realize there were times when I just should’ve stopped and said, “Nope, this isn’t gonna work” and moved on, but I kept at it thinking I could change the situation.
Now, when “it” whatever “it” happens to be, isn’t working, I stand still for a bit and ask, “Is this one of those times?”
I ask myself tough questions. “Is this what I want?” “Will the result be worth it?” “What should I do differently?”
Be careful about the assumptions you’re making. Stop. Ask yourself, “What do I think I know that I don’t really know?”
For example, “The kids are OK, maybe I should stay in this horrible marriage”. Really? You better ask them.
I’m not talking about the worthy life goals that take time and effort, except, of course, having $100,000 worth of student loans for an art history degree. Yes, work for it, but make sure the goal is emotionally and financially healthy.
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Topic - Stress and Inflammation. Even kids under chronic stress have a full-on inflammatory response.
Inflammation is the health scourge of mankind because of its widespread and long-term impact on a person’s health.
It’s tied to cardiac disease, Alzheimer’s, cancer and depression.
When kids are stressed about school and friendships, they start dumping two proteins that kick start the inflammatory response.
Competition also causes stress. Intense social and academic stress as well as competition saturate kids’ lives today.
We can’t fight this ancient inflammatory response. We had to fight for our lives as early humans. Triggering inflammation was a way for the body to deal with infections caused by the wounds.
Understand these factors. Protect your kids as well as teach them coping skills that will help them to live longer and healthier lives.
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Topic - Bad Feelings and Sleep. Don’t go to bed mad or sad or upset. If you do, your bad feelings will be burned into your brain.
If you’re upset and go to bed, not only do you recall the specific events, but also the feelings that were associated with those events.
There’s another element to add to the mix. When you go to bed mad or sad, you will lay there and continually review what was said, how you felt and analyze the motivations and intentions of those involved.
This review reinforces the negative feelings, creates anxiety and causes adrenalin to flow. This adrenalin then “writes” the events on the amygdala which is the emotional seat of the brain.
You take these thoughts and feelings into the sleep cycle.
If you stay awake, your negative thoughts and feelings will be less powerful because they’ll have to compete with the events that go on around you. The intensity of the feelings will dull as the evening wears on.
If your child is upset, distract them by engaging in emotionally neutral activities before they go to bed.
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Topic - Meth Use and Disease. It’s not enough to tell your kids to just say “no” to meth.
As parents, you need to know the science.
It was thought that the increases in HIV infections were due to effects of meth that reduces inhibition and leads to indiscriminate sexual encounters.
More in-depth medical research revealed that meth has an impact on the infection-fighting ability of killer T cells.
Meth makes it easier for HIV to infect T-cells, crippling the immune system.
The behavioral and biological risks of using meth play off each other and result in tragedy.
Explain to your teen that when people use meth, they can have a “superhuman feeling of safety” that causes them to do things they wouldn’t normally do.
It’s important to teach your kids about the dangers of meth use and disease.
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Topic - Bilingual Babies. Did you know that babies in bilingual homes are more likely to be smarter children? Why?
They can distinguish between their own dialects and between languages they’ve never heard even when they see adults speaking without hearing them!
Babies raised in homes where one language is spoken don’t have these discrimination skills. Bilingual babies can track what they hear and see in order to decode language.
They observe lip movements and the rhythm of the jaws and other facial expressions.
There are lifelong benefits to this skill. They may indicate a baby’s emerging ability to focus attention and to achieve complex problem-solving.
There’s even some connection between speaking multiple languages and delaying the onset of Alzheimer’s.
Exposing your baby to a second language on an intensive basis could improve their cognitive abilities.
Learning another language as a family could be fun! Give it a go!
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Topic - Obesity and Anorexia Similarities. As it turns out, the same areas of the brain are involved in those people who eat too little and those who eat too much!
A research study revealed that these areas of the brain are sluggish in those people who eat too little and are hyperactive in those who eat too much.
When they were hungry and shown pictures of food, those with anorexia had lower than normal activity in the areas associated with rewarding feelings that eating causes.
At the other end of the spectrum, those who eat too much had higher than normal activity in the very same region.
It’s not about the area of the brain, it’s about the activity level.
After eating, yet another area of the brain behaved differently in both groups. That area kicked on in those who are sluggish and slowed down for who typically gorged themselves.
So, before we scold our children for eating too much or too little or judge others for being obese, consider that biology might be the cause.
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Topic - Eating Disorders and Mortality. Eating disorders have the highest death rates of any mental disorders because of suicide and medical complications.
Yes, eating disorders have to be taken seriously. Males and females with anorexia nervosa obsess over their weight, have irrational fears of gaining weight and have a distorted perception of their bodies.
They see fat where there is none. They achieve their low weight through restricting food intake, fasting, excessive exercising or using diet pills.
The binge-eating/purging type includes those who eat excessive amounts of food and then vomit, use laxatives or other medication to prevent weight gain. They feel out of control when it comes to food.
Depression, anxiety, obsessive compulsive and bipolar disorders frequently occur with anorexia. Weight loss isn’t the only sign of anorexia.
Educate yourself and pay attention to your children’s weight loss.
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Topic - Money Thoughts. You know that money has a powerful impact on your behavior.
But, you may not know that just thinking about money causes you to be selfish and makes you less likely to help others.
Just the presence of subtle clues about money such as a poster with photos of cash on it, impairs your ability to solve puzzles or other complex problems.
People who are preoccupied with thoughts about money are less helpful than other people, in general. These are important concepts to understand when teaching your children to manage money.
By offering allowances early in life and teaching them about how money influences behavior, you can shape their attitudes about it.
When giving kids allowances, consider dividing the amount and let them spend one-third, save one-third and donate one-third.
Once kids develop the habit of saving and donating, they’re well on their way to being financially responsible adults. These skills are built over a lifetime, so start now!
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Topic - Earliest Chocoholics. The first chocoholics, around 1100 BC, were tinkering around with cacao to get a bit of a buzz.
3000 year old pottery shards found in Honduras had traces of a chemical found in cocoa, known as the “food of the gods”.
A wine-like drink was made by fermenting the pulp of the chocolate seeds.
Today’s research tells us cacao gives us a sense of well-being, enhances alertness, stimulates the pleasure centers of the brain and the immune system and might actually help you to live longer.
You have to be careful about the not-so-healthy ingredients such as sugar. As little as 1.5 ounces of healthy chocolate every month is all it takes to benefit your health.
And, nope, a bag of high fructose corn syrup-laden chocolate goodies won’t do your kids any good.
Buy some really good chocolate with 72% cocoa, but be careful of the caffeine!
It’s just what the Aztecs enjoyed when they created their “food of the gods”!
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Topic - Brain Damage Healing. You’ve heard of those people who can suddenly play the piano, speak another language or have artistic skills they didn’t have before.
These savant skills can be the result of damage, yes, damage to the front left side of the brain.
An experiment using magnetic pulses to zap this part of the brain caused the volunteers to suddenly be able to estimate the amount of jelly beans in a jar!
In other studies, volunteers developed extraordinary artistic skills. Remarkably, the brain, even when damaged, can demonstrate strengths.
This seemingly frivolous research suggests the brain is capable of healing by accessing different parts. Depending on the age of the person, the brain can recover and enhance its abilities.
The brain is most “plastic” or flexible during the first 6 months of life, but the brain doesn’t stop growing until age 16 and doesn’t stop maturing until about age 35 or so.
Brain injury doesn’t have to be a deal breaker.
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Topic - Drivers Cards. Being stopped by a police officer is a challenge even for competent adults.
Imagine being 18 and being mildly autistic, having ADHD, fetal alcohol syndrome, being language impaired or suffering from an anxiety disorder.
Kids with disabilities of any type don’t manage these situations well. It’s best to get the issue right out there.
I ask parents to create a business-sized card to outline some of the issues the officer may see right away, so they can correctly interpret your teenager’s behavior.
Include parents’ contact information. When the officer asks for John’s license and registration, he needs to hand the card to the officer.
Police are very well-trained to handle situations involving citizens with disabilities. A traffic stop can become a very powerful teaching tool for your teen.
If your teen is being reckless, you may get a call from the cop for follow-up driver’s training. Every parent would rather hear from a cop than the coroner.
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Topic - Automatic Thoughts. You’ve been doing it for so long, you don’t even notice those automatic thoughts that keep cycling in your mind.
Let’s face it, most of them are negative and they carry weight. They can be specific images, words or memories of events that reinforce the negativity.
There’s no reasoning or logic associated with them. They’re just there and you can’t turn them off.
“I’m a terrible parent”; “I don’t do my job well”; and “I won’t improve myself, why bother?” are examples.
You know you have them. Check in and see what they’re telling you. Pretty scary, isn’t it?
You’re really down on yourself. No wonder life isn’t getting any better.
Make notes of what your mind is telling you about yourself. Check it against the evidence. Is any of this stuff true? If it is, make a plan for improvement.
I didn’t say “fix it”, just improve it.
If it isn’t true, replace the script with another thought. Yep, it’s you against your mind. Become aware and retrain those thoughts for a healthier life.
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Topic - Finish What You Start. The Zeigarnik effect was discovered by a Russian psychiatrist.
She proved that tasks left undone are recorded by the mind and a little tiny voice will nag you about finishing all that stuff.
Also, you get good at what you practice. If you practice leaving things undone, that will become your habit.
You’ll define yourself as a person who doesn’t get the job done. You’ll teach others they can’t count on you to finish anything.
You don’t want this. Practice finishing the little things.
Train yourself to complete the smallest tasks by developing a plan for each one.
Success breeds success and once you experience the satisfaction that task completion brings, you’ll be less likely to avoid those tedious chores.
You’ll feel more confident, competent and whole. You’ll have less anxiety and more self-respect.
The bottom line is that you’ll define yourself as responsible and you’ll train others to think of you that way, too.
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Topic - Curiosity. Toddlers are the most curious creatures on the planet.
The average 3 year old asks more than 200 questions a day. Their favorite word is “Why?”
Curiosity is hardwired and enhances humanity’s chances of survival.
Curiosity has given rise to technology, medicines, buildings, machines and knowledge.
It is a necessary ingredient for success along with focus and perseverance among other traits.
Curiosity is an especially important trait among babies because it reflects the strength of their sensory systems and intelligence. Curious babies grow into strong students as teenagers.
Parents, encourage your children’s questions by offering reasonable answers. Even babies know when they’re dealing with a dull intellect.
Cultivate your child’s needs to know by accepting their questions even if you don’t have an answer. A response of “Because that’s the way it is…” dries up curious mind.
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Topic - Rent Others' Strength. Since most of us can’t hold everything we need to remember in our minds, we use “external neurology” such as a list or a cell phone with alarms that remind us.
When a teacher sits next to a child and helps him through a math problem, he is “renting” the teacher’s neurology as well as her knowledge.
It’s the same dynamic with emotional challenges. When you’re in pain and facing overwhelming or even minor problems, “renting” the emotional stability and problem solving competence of a healthy friend, pastor or therapist will help you work through the issues more quickly and competently.
The goal isn’t to emerge unscathed, but to emerge a bit wiser with stronger coping skills.
Notice I said “Rent”, not lease. Friends and family can be counted on for support in short bursts, but if your challenges require more than bursts, hire a therapist.
Learn to manage your life more competently to avoid problems and to feel confident.
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Topic - Rewards Reduce Motivation. Rewards work, but only sometimes.
When you reward a child, even with words, for the things that bring them pleasure, they lose interest.
Instead of rewarding them, simply comment.
“Wow, Trevor, that’s a great Lego fort” will actually reduce his motivation to build. “Wow, Trevor, you really enjoy yourself when you build” will not impact his motivation.
When kids know they’ll be rewarded, they spend less time doing even enjoyable things.
When they know they won’t get a reward, they actually spend more time and if an unexpected reward is given, their motivation slightly improves.
Currently, our society celebrates kids for every little thing. This practice may backfire on us and create a generation that’s always waiting for the reward.
In real life, this doesn’t happen. Be careful how you reinforce your kids.
Remember what Einstein said, “Not everything that counts can be counted and not everything that can be counted counts”.
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Topic - Perfectionism. Control freak. Obsessive.
Yep, perfectionistic people are in pain and they are a pain.
Perfectionism is the need to be perfect. Anything less is unacceptable.
It’s tough to finish something if perfection is the goal.
Perfectionists’ standards are well beyond reach and reason. Their worth is entirely bound up in accomplishments.
People with Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Disorder are preoccupied with order, rules and details, and are excessively devoted to work at the expense of personal relationships.
They’re rigid, stubborn, frugal and inflexible about morality and values. Over conscientiousness doesn’t allow them to delegate tasks.
Hoarding results when they can’t throw anything away. They develop anger, depression, eating disorders, and social anxiety.
It runs in families, so if you see these traits emerging in someone you love, get help. They won’t get better on their own. Treatment is effective!
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Topic - Role Model. The more attractive you are and the more similar you are to the person you’re trying to influence, the more they’ll want to follow you.
If you’re rewarded for behavior, your ability to influence others is even more powerful.
Think about this when moving your kids toward a behavior. If you present yourself as “put together”, you’re better able to get your kids to go along with your ideas.
If they see themselves as being similar to you, bingo, they’re more on board.
If you and your child aren’t a “good fit”, you’re less likely to influence them.
Samantha is high strung and emotional and you aren’t, so she thinks you don’t understand her and your influence is weaker.
If your kids watch you benefit from telling a white lie, they’re going to imitate you no matter how many times you tell them not to.
It’s that old “do as I say, not as I do” stuff where you demand that your children behave at a higher level than you do! If you smoke and booze it up, they’ll follow along!
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Topic - Blood Type and Brain Health. Your blood type may make you vulnerable to a variety of mental disorders.
Those with O blood type may be at greater risk of depression and intense anxiety. Children with O type are more vulnerable to ADHD.
People with A blood type are prone to obsessive-compulsive disorder and those children, too, are predisposed to ADHD.
Kids with B blood type may be protected from ADHD.
People with the rare AB blood type which is present in less than 10% of the population, have a higher than usual risk of cognitive decline as they age.
This isn’t a done deal. Reduce stress, stop drinking and smoking, eat a healthy diet and exercise regularly to improve the odds of having a healthy brain later on.
Obviously, many factors impact whether or not someone ends up with an illness, but awareness of these influences can help you manage your family’s risk.
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Topic - Women and Depression. Adult women are diagnosed with depression twice as much as men. Why?
Certain types of depression are related to our smaller skulls.
The occipital lobe which is responsible for visual processing, sits at the back of the brain. Because women’s brains fit more tightly in our skulls than men’s brains, the right and left sides of the lobe wrap around each other.
Unnecessary brain cells weren’t killed off and there’s too much brain matter to fit in the skull.
This lobe overlap is associated with schizophrenia. This wrap around situation may not be helped by antidepressants.
However, treatment may bring relief by pruning or killing off some of the intense connections that are responsible for depression.
When people have crippling levels of depression, they are vulnerable to suicide. Having treatment options is critical.
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Topic - Disappointment. Do you wonder why Sarah feels so intensely disappointed when things don’t go right and Katie doesn’t?
We now know it’s the result of an imbalance in the parts of the brain that are responsible for feelings of disappointment.
Deep in the brain, we have remnants of our ancient brain and one of these parts reacts to unexpected, negative events such as punishment.
If you don’t get an expected reward, parts of your brain light up. This is the “disappointment circuit”.
Hyperactivity in this part of the brain is also associated with depression. Serotonin, the brain’s natural antidepressant, is low in people with hyperactivity in the disappointment circuit.
The brain doesn’t have a system to reduce this over activity and it just runs amuck, resulting in depression.
So, before you criticize Sarah about her reactions to disappointment, know that it’s a brain thing. Help her learn to cope.
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Topic - Debt. The average American household credit card debt is $16,000.
That’s a total of $883 BILLION nationwide!
Online shopping has had a serious impact on our slide into debt oblivion.
When we spend cash and hand it over to a clerk, we get an uncomfortable physical reaction. Online, it’s just so easy to order and pay by credit card.
Before you shop online or in stores, make a list and stick to it. Put a “savings goal” note on your monitor. Prioritize what you need.
Advertisers want you to go for the “vices” which give you immediate gratification. A “virtue” purchase may be costlier now, but saves you in the long run.
Advertising agencies know how to get our money. Don’t let them. Outsmart them with deliberate buying.
You’ll be the one living in scarcity in your golden years because you bought all of their trinkets. They’ll be living the life of plenty.
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Topic - Soda and Depression. Whether or not soda or fruit drinks are made with sugar or artificial sweetener, they make you vulnerable to depression.
If you drink more than 4 sodas daily, you have a 30% higher risk of becoming seriously depressed anywhere from 5 to 10 years later.
Diet soda has the highest risk of depression. Could it be that those who are depressed have a natural need for sugar?
No one knows, but if you’re aware of your soda intake, you may want to observe yourself for signs of depression. It rarely gets better on its own and you may need support.
On a positive note, coffee and tea seems to protect the brain from depression, Alzheimer’s and Parkinson’s diseases.
Coffee and tea drinkers also seem to have lower rates of age-related cognitive decline, too.
Because the research is mixed, it might be premature to say that coffee and tea actually protect your brain, but it can’t hurt and is a healthier alternative to soda!
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Topic - Getting Stopped By A Cop. When Jeff starts driving, teach him what to do when he’s stopped by the police.
Review the sequence of events from both the driver’s and the cop’s perspective. Tell Jeff how dangerous it is for police officers to stop cars.
It’s likely he’ll be stopped for speeding. Let him know he needs to hold his hands up with his keys dangling so the officer knows he won’t flee.
Teach him that he needs to be respectful, not defend himself, don’t ask questions, sign and accept the ticket. His guilt or innocence will be determined later.
Jeff should tell the officer where his license, proof of insurance and registration is located and ask permission to get it. He’s not to respond if the officer provokes him.
He and his passengers are to get out of the car immediately if asked. Respectfully ask for a business card so he can show you.
A sure way to get arrested is by not following the directions and being disrespectful.
Create an agreement about your expectations. Be prepared. Good luck out there.
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Topic - Ride Share Services. Communications get mixed, plans go wrong and there’s Henry, standing at the soccer field and it’s getting dark.
No one’s answering their phones.
Susie’s at a party and things are getting wild. She’s scared.
If Henry and Susie had a ride share app, they could get themselves home.
Consider arranging for access to a ride share program such as Shuddle which is designed for kids and employs only female drivers. You can follow the icon as Susie is driven home.
I recommend the service be used only in the case of an emergency. It’s not ideal to have strangers pick up Henry, but when there are multiple kids in the family with intense schedules and none of them are old enough to drive and you’ve got no back-up with grandparents, what are your options?
You can only do what you can do. When your kid’s in trouble and needs to be extracted from a dangerous situation, which option is safer? Staying there or getting a ride share?
Just something to consider.
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Topic - Moving Day Tips. When it comes to your kids, moving involves a lot more than just changing homes.
While you’re focused on the million details, Tony has just lost his whole world.
Emotional safety and closure are two huge issues if you’re moving away.
The internet can give you a good look at your new town and answer a lot of questions to calm his anxiety.
Show Tony a layout of the home and have him choose a room. Help him say goodbye to friends by planning activities such as a cookout or party.
Take a large white t-shirt to class and have everyone take a photo while signing their names.
Get addresses and emails of his closest friends. Put your new address on pre-paid post cards. Have Tony’s friends mail them so they’ll be waiting at the new home.
When you arrive, right away resume the Friday night pizza tradition. Make an album of the move. Show him that love and friends are portable!
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Topic - Teenage Driving Contract. When Jeff gets behind the wheel, it’s a really big deal.
One mistake can be life-changing. Anything this important needs a written agreement.
While an agreement can’t protect Jeff from serious mistakes, any steps you can take to minimize risk are worth taking.
The contract should outline Jeff’s home and school conduct, expected academic performance and rules for passengers.
He shouldn’t lend the car to anyone even if he’s been drinking. If Jeff’s impaired, he should call you. If he gets into a car with an impaired driver, the same rules apply.
If he can’t reach you, he needs to call a taxi or a ride share service.
Negotiate other relevant points including washing the car, buying gas and helping with insurance which is very costly, indeed, for teenage males.
Consider buying an umbrella policy that may cover expenses that exceed auto and homeowner insurance. Good luck out there!
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Topic - Family Mission Statement. $180 billion dollars is spent on advertising annually in America. Why?
Because it works. It’s a powerful tool that also works for your family.
If you advertise your shared goals and purpose, it becomes embedded in the fabric of the family culture. This is the role of the family mission statement.
It’s a clear declaration of the values that support a satisfying home life.
Your family may value respect, consideration and cooperation. List only 3.
When those 3 are mastered, choose 3 more.
Hang the family mission statement in a highly visible place. It could read as follows:
The Smith family respects each other, cooperates with each other, and is considerate of each other’s needs.
That’s it. It may feel awkward and kids may be embarrassed. Oh well.
Parents, stay committed. When the kids violate the values, tell them, “That’s not helpful and it’s not part of our family mission. You’ll do better next time.”
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Topic - Dysgraphia. Dysgraphia. It means you have handwriting trouble.
Some people produce irregular and inconsistent letter formations. Their pencil pressure varies making some areas of the letters light and some dark.
Other people write very small, very large or slowly. They write with a mixture of upper- and lower-case letters.
Students use a great deal of energy and time to make the letters. Written expression demands organization, motor skills, memory, attention and task persistence.
It requires knowledge of spelling, capitalization, punctuation and word usage.
Handwriting is the foundation for all of these skills.
Because dysgraphic students focus so much on where to put the pencil and how to form the letters, they forget what they intend to write.
They’re punished for not finishing work. They’re told they’re lazy and careless.
They’ll need writing skills for the rest of their lives. Get an occupational therapist to evaluate and treat your child.
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Topic - Family Meetings. It feels really formal to have a family meeting.
Treating family like a business may feel awkward at first, but then, the structure of getting issues resolved in a public forum becomes meaningful.
Keep it to 15 minutes. Don’t violate this.
Everyone makes statements that start with “I” and not “You” such as “I don’t like it when Joey makes fun of my friends” instead of “Joey always makes fun of my friends”.
A talking stick may help organize the meeting. Whoever has the stick has the floor.
Parents note the issues. Ask for ways to resolve them. The following week, get input as to how the ideas worked.
End with a positive comment about each person. This is a chance to offer a “goodie”.
Solicit ideas for a special dessert the next week. You may end up making all of them, but it’ll be rewarding when the kids buy into the process.
This process is a powerful tool to teach healthy problem solving within the family. It’s not about keeping the peace; it’s about creating peace.
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Topic - It's Not Where You Start Out. Our rescue Irish boxer, Murphy, was a stray. He was hit by a car and the person took him to a vet.
The veterinary assistant fell in love with him and took him home, but had to give him up due to her own circumstances. She was sitting in the parking lot at the animal shelter sobbing over giving up such a sweet dog.
He was older, injured and would likely not be adopted. As she walked in, a woman from a dog rescue group took Murphy.
We found him at a Petco adoption event soon after. He led a spectacularly wonderful life before he died 5 years later.
He was very grateful for everything we did for him, had wonderful manners, vigilantly defended his home and was a loyal friend.
Murphy taught us that it’s not where you start out in life, it’s where you end up. The most amazing things can happen to you even if you have a rough start.
Remember to be a good friend, be grateful and have manners. Having silky brown ears doesn’t hurt, either.
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Topic - Control The Controllable. There are those days when you can’t even get your coffee the way you like it.
In the chaos of work, family, social relationships and the daily tasks that have a “do me first” tag, it’s critical to learn how to control the controllable.
You can’t do it all, so why torture yourself? We’ll all die with a “to do” list.
Taking this “gotta get it all done all the time” style creates unhealthy tension in the family. It creates a role model for your kids that’s impossible for them to achieve.
If you go to bed every night and think about the things you didn’t get done, it’s time to re-evaluate how you set yourself up for failure.
Make a list of the unimportant stuff you spend energy on and practice ignoring it.
Yes, it will take practice.
Focus on the really important stuff. Keep your home clean enough to be healthy and dirty enough to be happy. Seriously, good enough IS.
On the last day of your life, what will you regret, not washing the floor or not going to the park?
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Topic - Doing Things For Your Child. It’s natural. We respond to our children’s needs over and over every day and they train us.
We don’t notice that we’re doing things for our children they should be doing for themselves such as speaking for them, tying their shoes and dressing them.
When I see parents who talk for their child, I suspect the child has a language disorder.
When I see parents who do everything for their child, I ask myself, “Is this child incapable or very spoiled?”
Are parents “babying” him? When will these children become self-sufficient?
Pay attention to how and how much you help your child. Look at the reasons for their need to be helped. Is there a problem that should be evaluated and treated or is it your need that’s being met by helping?
Keeping an eye on how much you’re supporting your child is especially important as they become teenagers.
Help them become more self-sufficient. It will build their competence and confidence.
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Topic - Goal Setting Efficiently. Tired of beating yourself up for not reaching your goals or backsliding?
Well, stop it. You’re doing yourself more damage than you think.
Don’t know how to get out of that rut? Practice some of these strategies:
Re-evaluate your goals. Were they too ambitious? Did you set yourself up for failure? Where did you go wrong?
Make a plan for avoiding these traps next time by taking control. Plan the project better with more realistic time frames. If you’re ahead at the end of the day, all the better.
Frustrated and angry? See the energy as a sure sign that you really care about what you’re doing. Good for you. Recognize frustration as a force for productivity.
Reduce the stress that the adrenalin is causing by being physically active and reward yourself for seeing the situation for what it is and taking action to get yourself back on track.
Setbacks don’t have to set you up for failure.
Pay attention to yourself as you work through projects. Critique your performance and watch yourself improve.
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Topic - The Fear Factor. I used the phrase, the fear factor, so frequently that when the show premiered, my husband said, “Uh oh, where have I heard that before!”
I used the phrase when talking about his style of getting things done. He needed to have the fear factor to get him motivated.
The fear factor, from a biological basis, is all about adrenaline dumping. When you think about deadlines, the fear factor plays a big role.
If you have a task and the deadline falls in the next month, you don’t jump right in. If it falls within the month, your sense of urgency kicks in and you’re off and running.
This is because your brain has been trained to think about time in a certain way.
We’ve been trained to think about the end of the month or week as a deadline. Watch how you think about time in terms of deadlines.
Re-train yourself to avoid getting trapped in this time distortion. One way is to use task analysis.
Break down the task and assign deadlines. Get the job done without stress!
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Topic - Defining Your Feelings. When I was a kid, there was a fun show that needs to be brought back to tv, but I digress.
It was called Name that Tune. Contestants would try to name a song in as few notes as possible.
When I teach kids about their feelings, they’re surprised to learn that one great feeling feels the same as a scary one, but it’s the name they give the feelings that makes the difference.
Adrenalin flowing through your body and into your brain causes your heart to race, your blood pressure to increase, your palms to sweat and your mouth to become dry.
So, how do you know if it’s excitement or terror?
Only the situation and the interpretation you give to it tells you the truth.
You can change the effect these feelings have on you by labeling them differently.
If you’re afraid of public speaking, focus on the jokes you’ll tell and how much fun it will be to watch the audience laugh. Excitement helps you to perform better.
Just a different way of looking at things.
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Topic - Rewards. Kids are great. They’re all in for changing their behavior.
Not so much for adults. We think it’s a drag to change ourselves, so we stay stuck in the same old muck.
What are we missing here? We’re missing the reward, silly.
What? We adults don’t need rewards! Oh yes we do!
If you decide not to buy that trinket because you’re on a budget, put the cash away and build on it.
If you save $50 because of your cleverness, put 50 bucks or whatever you can afford into extra savings as a “Thanks, nice job!” gift to yourself.
Remember to take teeny tiny baby steps to avoid feeling guilty or disheartened when you slip back.
If you’re facing a big change, plan it out and plug in those rewards which may be as simple as watching your favorite show without doing something else.
Gifts of time are powerful for adults. Go for it!
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Topic - How Sleep Shifts In Adolescence. By 16, teenagers sleep less than 7 hours, a sharp decline from the 10 hours they slept in childhood.
25% of high schoolers sleep less than 6 hours nightly. To offset this debt, they sleep late on weekends which leads to poor quality sleep.
We’ve learned teens need a lot more sleep to perform competently than do little kids or adults. They need 9 hours every night compared to 8 that adults need.
During adolescence, they experience a shift where they fall asleep later than young kids. This isn’t due to activities, but to biology.
Their brain’s sensitivity to light changes during this time. Sleepy teens are irritable, hostile, dangerous on the road and have academic and behavior problems including drinking.
Learn how sleep patterns change in adolescence, avoid over scheduling your teen and understand their sleep needs.
Help them maintain their health during this stressful time.
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Topic - Fake It Till You Make It. I’ve met up with some of my clients at their AA meetings to be supportive and to learn.
I found the phrase that I learned there, “fake it till you make it” has stuck with me for years. If you think you’ll succeed, you’ll act as if you are already successful.
Research shows if a person behaves in a successful way, they start believing they have that skill. It’s a less threatening version of “practice”.
I don’t know too many people who like the idea of practice because there’s little obvious reward. If you “act” the part, you’ll become the “role” which is more interesting than practicing.
Kids take to the idea quickly. When I explain the process to them, they’re all in.
Usually, the behavior focuses on social interactions. If they imitate the behavior of someone who is confident, they behave confidently, others label them as confident and ta-da!, they begin to describe themselves as confident.
See for yourself.
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Topic - Kids Helping Raise Themselves. In the book, The Prophet, the author stated “children come through us, not from us”.
My take away message is that children are responsible, in part, for how they turn out. We parents aren’t wholly and completely responsible for how they end up.
What about the kids born into horrific circumstances that rise above and create the lives they hoped to live and not the ones they were born into?
Kids need to take an active part in raising themselves.
If they’re lucky enough to have nurturing parents, they serve as co-parents. If their parents are abusive or absent, they raise themselves.
If you’re a nurturing parent, let them know their role in all of this. Come right out and tell them that they’ll have a voice early in the process so that when you hand them the keys to their lives, they’ll know how to drive to their destiny.
It’s a lifelong partnership. At times, you’ll take the lead and at other times, they will.
Early practice leads to mastery of the skills. Get started!
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Topic - Cognitive Distortions. Our minds trick us into believing something that isn’t really true.
While it feels like these little messages help, they keep us feeling bad about ourselves. These messages, called cognitive distortions, do just that. They’re thoughts that distort reality.
Jumping to conclusions is a biggie. We think someone doesn’t like us, but we don’t bother to find out if that’s true.
Catastrophizing is also popular. Despite evidence, we expect disaster.
Blaming others has become quite popular and then, there are the “shoulds and oughtas”. “I really should exercise”; “I oughta be studying”.
These statements create guilt and when aimed at others, cause resentment.
One of my favorites is “heaven’s reward fallacy”. We sacrifice and when the expected reward doesn’t show up, we’re bitter. What? Who’s keeping score?
Check your thinking. Which cognitive distortions do you use? Break the habit. Get unstuck.
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Topic - Moms, Dads and Learning Disabilities. It’s usually mom who calls me, but every now and then, it’s dad.
There are a number of reasons for this pattern.
Mom is usually the “socializer” parent and the one who does the homework. She sees Matt’s challenges up close and personal.
Mom is worried because he’s not reading well, not taking responsibility and his frustration is becoming unbearable.
Dad doesn’t want to hear it. He says, “When I was his age, I was just like Matt and I turned out OK”.
Mom rolls her eyes. What she doesn’t understand is that dad secretly worries that Matt is just like him, but is afraid to find out that nothing can be done.
Dad cares, he’s afraid. He may also feel responsible for the stress that Matt’s feeling.
When mom gets angry, she tells dad it’s all his fault. She can’t get him to agree to anything; dad is stuck.
Part of his fear is the unknown. Be bold, mom. Do some research, present dad with a plan and move forward together.
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Topic - The Why Behind the What. Testing kids for learning disabilities, social-emotional problems, ADHD and other issues reveals the “why” behind the “what”.
It explains the causes of the problems. A plan to reduce the intensity, frequency and duration of the behaviors can be created.
Parents spend years paying for services and wasting their children’s precious time without knowing exactly “what” the problem is.
The frustration, anxiety and confusion of these wasted efforts affect the quality of family life. Parents don’t know where to turn to reduce the misery index and worry about their child’s future.
Once parents are confident they know the “why”, their stress is reduced. They focus their energy on bringing about change.
This model isn’t new. Doctors, car mechanics, electricians, and police use a problem-solving approach. They gather data, determine a plan and execute it.
Be smart about tackling your child’s issues. There’s no time to waste.
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Topic - Testing for ADHD. Parents think James has Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder, so I interview them and outline the assessment process.
I conduct two observations at school. Since James doesn’t know me, these observations are “blind” and are at least 30 minutes each.
I write up the observations and meet with parents to review the findings and determine the next step.
If I think James has ADHD, parents complete an extensive developmental history and rating scales measuring ADHD and executive functioning behaviors.
They also provide information about emotional and social functioning. Teachers complete rating scales and a feedback form where they give narrative information about James.
I interview him in my office and ask questions about his perception of ADHD behaviors.
It’s a thorough process and the results can be trusted. Treating ADHD may require medication, so make sure the diagnosis is correct.
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Topic - Pajama Day. Had enough? Need to bail out for a bit?
Consider a pajama day.
There are variations of “who” plays along. You decide. Maybe it’s just for you or you and one child or all the kids.
Stay in your jammies. Make pudding for breakfast. Watch a movie. Play Monopoly. Bake brownies. Do anything you can to avoid anything that’s typical.
This should be a planned event in order to get the most bang for your buck. Get the movies, the ingredients you need for the goodies and any other supplies.
Tell the teacher your child will be out for the day for a “family matter”. Avoid lying; that’s bad for the parenting biz.
This kind of play day is much easier to pull off in elementary school than any other time, but you can plan other “escape” days with your middle and high schoolers.
This can be a lesson in learning how to balance work and play. It also provides for a stress release in your relationship. It’s healthy to have fun and get off the hamster wheel.
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Topic - Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome. She was a real puzzle. In and out of residential treatment and therapy and on every medication out there.
Still, she was so incredibly aggressive, irritable and hostile.
Though she was a sweetheart when I was testing her, the irritability was just under the surface and the descriptions of how she physically felt were tough to hear.
She looked me straight in the eyes one day and said, “Nobody has ever asked me how my body felt”.
I sent her to an endocrinologist because her behavioral presentation was more of an aggressive male then a female.
She was diagnosed with polycystic ovarian syndrome which was disguised as bipolar disorder.
In polycystic ovarian syndrome, sex hormones are out of whack and the ovaries make more male sex hormones.
She was successfully treated and is a healthy adult. Treating the disorder helped her to avoid heart problems and diabetes.
Asking the right questions can lead to real answers.
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Topic - Regulatory Disorders. Does your infant have sleep problems, colic and trouble soothing themselves?
If your baby is struggling to achieve these basic tasks, they may have a regulatory disorder.
These disturbances can be temporary, but may ultimately become sensory processing disorders, Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder, mood disorders and autism.
Their difficulties don’t allow them to adapt to their ever-changing world and their irritability interferes in parent-child bonding.
A child who cries when touched or is difficult to manage may confuse parents because they didn’t expect this reaction.
When baby doesn’t respond with emotional give and take, parents aren’t rewarded and anxiety erupts. Be aware that this behavior isn’t a choice, but a reflection of your baby’s sensory difficulties.
Educate yourself and adapt to create greater harmony between you and baby.
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Topic - Psychomotor Overflow. Psychomotor overflow is thought to be the energy created by the thinking brain that’s discharged through the muscles.
You do it very frequently, you aren’t usually aware of it and you just can’t help yourself.
You gesture with your hands when you talk; you bite on the pencil while you think; you pace about when talking on the phone and you bite your lip when considering your options.
Children, especially those with Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder, require movement opportunities to help them release this energy without attracting unwanted attention.
These kids work best if they’re asked to perform jobs both in and out of the classroom to break up extensive work periods.
At home, doing homework in several different places like the bed, floor and at the desk may help them be more productive.
They might benefit from a standing desk so they can move their bodies as they work.
Get creative. Help them manage their energy!
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Topic - Struggling High Schoolers.Is your high schooler still struggling with academics?
Will Ryan be employable and independent? Parents ask me, “Is it too late?”
Well, it’s late, but it’s not too late.
If Ryan is seriously struggling, it may be a sign he won’t make a successful transition to young adulthood.
Will he be employable and independent? First things first. A thorough assessment will reveal Ryan’s learning potential, processing skills and mastery of reading, math and written language.
Create a plan to develop job-related skills. He needs a dual enrollment program focusing on intense academics in the morning with socialization at school in the afternoon.
Specialized programs to improve reading and writing will increase his skills dramatically. This immediate, intense and individualized instruction is required to compensate him for the education he missed.
If he qualifies for special education, he’s entitled to educational services until the day he turns 22. Don’t give up. It’s not too late.
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Topic - Language Samples. If you’re concerned about your child’s language skills, take some language samples and consult with a pediatric speech and language therapist and have a list of prepared questions to determine their approach to the issues.
You also need to find out if you and your child are going to be a “good fit” for the therapist and the environment in which the work is to be done.
When you anticipate having a natural and relaxed conversation with your child, be prepared to record it.
Read to your child and ask questions so that the therapist can hear their ability to answer questions, label items, analyze situations and predict the next step in the story. They can estimate your child’s vocabulary development.
The therapist may interview you to answer preliminary questions to help them conceptualize your child’s needs.
Comprehensively evaluate your child’s speech and language development. Create a treatment plan.
Language competence is the key to academic and social success.
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Topic - ADHD and Athletes. The parade of troubled sports stars on the news makes us wonder what’s causing them to squander their gifts?
Do these athletes have undiagnosed Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder? Did they have it as a child and it was thought they outgrew it?
As adults, their tolerance for frustration, aggression, emotional instability and social deficits leads to relationship and legal problems.
Repetitive concussions can result in acquired ADHD. If Johnny is athletic and has ADHD, don’t overlook it and focus only on his natural talents.
Don’t make excuses for his disruptive behavior. It will catch up to him.
Medical management, social and educational interventions can help him make the most of his natural gifts.
He won’t be a child forever and once out in the super competitive world of sports, he’ll need strong coping skills.
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Topic - Potty Training. Potty training is a major task of childhood. Many factors impact the process.
If your child is interested in the toilet, can rise from or sit on a potty chair, can pull their pants up and down, can understand basic directions, and stays dry for two hours or more, they’re probably ready.
Do they communicate to you when they need to go? If they haven’t developed the vocabulary, give them the words and avoid baby talk.
When the time is right, get out the equipment, make sure they fit comfortably in the chair and place it in the bathroom. Schedule frequent breaks to sit on the chair so they get accustomed to the physical sensations of urinating.
Take a portable potty when you’re away from home. Teach girls to wipe from front to back.
Praise their efforts even when they aren’t successful. After several weeks of success, move to underwear that your child selects.
If they don’t make progress within two weeks, they aren’t ready. Wait a few months and try again.
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Topic - Metacognition. Have you ever watched yourself think about the sequence of what you plan to do?
This process is called metacognition. Meta is “beyond” and cognition is “thinking”.
Let’s look beyond the thinking. It has two parts: knowledge and regulation.
Say you’re going out to run errands. You might arrange your stops in the order of their importance or their location. You’ve just used both knowledge of “what” to do and “regulated” those chores in terms of value.
Thinking about thinking is critical for academics and daily life. If you don’t know “what” to do or “how” to do it, nothing gets done at all!
A form of metacognition is metamemory which is the knowledge of how you use your memory and your memory strategies.
When you devise a plan for learning the states and their capitals, you use metacognition. When you begin the actual process of remembering them, it’s metamemory.
Watch your child to see how they are using these tools. Help them along with your own strategies.
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Topic - ADHD and Sports. Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder is one of those conditions that can make you a star or put you behind bars.
When I talk to kids about ADHD, I describe how it gives them the “hunter” skills necessary to be good football, basketball and soccer players and terrific skiers who take in all of the information on the field in a flash, make decisions in a split second and move fast.
I also tell them about the “farmer” type of ADHD that can make them better at golf, archery, rock climbing and fishing. These sports require strategies and deliberate movements.
If your child has ADHD, pick a sport that taps their strengths.
While their classroom experiences may be painful, sports teach a number of important skills. Teamwork, sportsmanship and tolerance for frustration are developed through sports. They learn how to take instruction and criticism.
All of these skills are necessary for life. Cheer them from the sidelines and watch their confidence grow.
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Topic - ADHD Misery Trifecta. Tedium, details and boredom are the misery trifecta for those with ADHD.
Most ADHD people are the creative “idea makers”. They need a staff of non-ADHD people to bring their ideas to life.
What’s responsible for the misery trifecta? It’s dopamine’s fault.
In the brain, dopamine is a critical neurotransmitter because it’s related to mood regulation and the reward system.
People with ADHD have lower levels of two key proteins that allow dopamine to work. So, they get bored easily and start looking for things to do to stimulate dopamine dumping.
In the classroom, they’re out of their seats and disturbing other kids. ADHD isn’t just about deficits and attention, but also in the motivation and emotional centers of the brain.
Stimulant medication raises dopamine levels and reduces the symptoms. Get help to lower the misery index of ADHD.
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Topic - Signs of Drug Addiction. Teenagers come to my office because parents think they’re depressed.
Parents learn from internet searches that teens with depression express those feelings through irritability, extremes of emotion, aggression and erratic behavior.
I tell them their kids aren’t depressed, they’re abusing drugs. The air is sucked out of the room.
They have absolutely no idea. Even the most competent parents justifiably dissolve into puddles of guilt.
I ask them to make a choice: wring their hands and blame themselves or get busy. I ask them, “How do you want to use this energy?"
Make a choice right now, right here. We develop an initial plan and put it into motion immediately.
Health and safety are the foremost issues. Parents see a therapist to deal with the situation, and the family is on their way to recovery.
Don’t be fooled. Drug abuse is the ultimate shape-shifter.
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Topic - Excessive Screen Time. I can’t decide if those tv ads during football games make me sad or mad.
To have expensive television ads running to encourage kids to play outside is just disturbing.
When kids spend a lot of time on the computer or other digital medium, they’re missing out on a whole lot more than just physical development.
They miss out on face-to-face interactions and fail to learn the subtle aspects of human communications. Their overall development is stunted.
We have no idea how this will impact them later in life, but they’re likely to be socially and emotionally immature with very low frustration tolerance.
Video games give immediate feedback and reward; that’s not true of life. Video games are exciting, but doing the laundry and grocery shopping isn’t.
They have little chance to practice impulse control which could get them into trouble on the job and at home.
Reduce their screen time now so they’re prepared for life later.
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Topic - Adult Attachment Issues. There’s a reason for those snarky comments about lovers who “can’t commit”.
The devastating impacts of childhood attachment disorders persist throughout adulthood.
Before developing expectations about your partner’s ability to emotionally engage in the relationship, learn about their childhood.
Was mother nurturing, dependable, emotionally balanced and responsive? A consistent mother figure is responsible for developing attachment in their babies.
If mother struggled, your partner may show signs of the dismissing attachment pattern where they’re guarded about discussing their childhood and the relationship with their Mom.
A preoccupied pattern is where they’re frustrated trying to please their parents and they stay enmeshed in the family drama.
The unresolved pattern is suggestive of severe abuse and they’re still traumatized.
Get therapeutic support to understand “what” happened then and what you can do now.
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Topic - Keep Your Agreements. Remember your parents telling you, “Do as I say, not as I do”? Whoa, is that dangerous to teach Jeff.
If you don’t keep your agreements, both silent and spoken, you teach them not to trust you and who can blame them?
You may quickly forget defaulting on that game of catch you promised because you have so many other demands, but for Jeff, it leaves a heart scar.
Kids don’t understand our lives and we don’t appreciate theirs either even though we were kids once. They don’t understand the mortgage, the taxes, the boss and the suffocating stress of your responsibilities.
All they want is a little time to play ball.
When you conceived this child, your unspoken agreement was that you’d protect, love and care for him.
So, get up, dress up and show up for your spoken agreements. Explanations feel like excuses.
If there’s a chance you might default on a promise, tell Jeff and make another plan. Please don’t make it a habit.
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Topic - Appropriate Aggression. This is a dangerous topic, I know. But it’s time to talk about appropriate aggression.
Kids are taught to not fight, but when depression sets in because you won’t let your kid fight back, you may want to consider changing your stance.
Yes, I know that kids can get hurt, sometimes really hurt, when they fight because, especially boys, regardless of age, they’re strong.
As a parent, I’d rather deal with a broken tooth or black eye than to deal with a lifetime of depression because my kid doubts his competence in the world.
Of course, you have to consider your child’s strengths and weaknesses when approaching this topic and they may be just too terrified to fight, so you’ll have to take another route if they’re being victimized.
If they’ve had enough and are ready to learn how to protect themselves, teach them.
At some point, they may not have a choice and may be attacked. Once others know your kid isn’t a pushover, things will change. Just a thought!
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Topic - Giving Kids A Voice. Jeremy never asks for more; he never takes the biggest piece of cake or the last scoop of potatoes.
He never seems to ask for what he wants and seems to “settle” for whatever is given to him.
Before you talk with him (not to him) about this, observe him and what’s going on in the situation.
Watch the behavior of those around him so you can get some concrete information about the “why” behind the “what”.
Determine if Jeremy’s being dominated by his brother or sister. What’s going on at other times?
Is he isolated because he can’t keep up with his rock star siblings? Does he become even more passive in group settings such as dinner?
He needs to have permission to ask for what he wants. Jeremy needs to know he has power, a voice and he deserves to be heard.
Talk with him in gentle terms and give him that voice. Have a very serious conversation with his siblings about your expectations of them.
Jeremy may be a tender soul, but learning these coping skills now will serve him later.
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Topic - Predicting Violent Behavior. In court, a judge once asked me to predict how dangerous a former client might become.
I couldn’t give him an answer because there’s no way of accurately predicting dangerousness.
Many characteristics are known to be associated with the potential for violence. The most accurate predictor is a history of violent acts.
Males in their late teens or early 20s who are angry and impulsive are at risk. This rolling anger is usually related to their history of child abuse or witnessing domestic violence.
Poverty, a low IQ and having a father with a criminal arrest history are strongly associated with dangerous behavior.
Violent thoughts and fantasies often manifest into action. A lack of social support, high levels of stress and access to weapons increase the odds of violence breaking out.
If you find yourself considering a person’s dangerousness, you’re already in trouble. Get away.
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Topic - Signs of Digital Addiction. Steve is preoccupied with thoughts of using the internet.
He spends more time playing than he intended and plays for longer and longer periods of time.
He’s in trouble.
If he becomes irritable and aggressive when forced to leave a game, he’s escalated to an addiction level. These behaviors jeopardize Steve’s school performance and relationships because he chooses to spend time online instead of studying and socializing with friends.
He lies to cover up his use, uses online activities to deal with depression and may gain weight or have wrist pain.
Get serious help. No matter what the “substance” is, be it drugs, alcohol, gambling, shopping or video games, these are signs of addiction.
Digital addiction is just as real as alcoholism. It can also be a symptom of depression and anxiety, social phobias or social skills deficits.
Evaluate Steve to determine the reasons for his addiction to create and effective treatment plan.
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Topic - Computer Addiction. Ten years ago, I saw an article about the first residential treatment center in the world for internet addiction and it was in, of all places, China, where internet addiction is taken very seriously.
Worldwide, more of these centers are popping up because the need is increasing.
College students are failing because of computer game obsession. Parents aren’t there to nag them about their work and in an unsupervised setting, they indulge.
Pathological use of the computer has led to unemployment, broken marriages and even death from blood clots from being sedentary for long periods of time.
We know too well about fatal car accidents related to texting.
The biggest problem is relapse. Whereas alcoholics can avoid bars, computers are a way of life and learning to use them productively is a serious threat to recovery.
If your child’s computer use is causing family tension, get support for it. The addictive behaviors will worsen and jeopardize academic performance and relationships.
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Topic - Four Year Itch. Is the 7-year itch for real? Yes and no.
Divorces peak at 7 years, but most couples leave the marriage at year 4 while in the height of their reproductive years. Why?
Animal behavior tells us. 90% of birds keep the partnership going until the babies leave the nest. One bird needs to sit on the eggs and the partner brings them food.
Once babies take off, parents go their own way. We humans do the same thing.
In the ancient time of hunter-gatherers, women gave birth about 4 years apart. In those groups, kids were cared for by relatives, allowing unhappy couples to find other mates.
This created a greater genetic variety and a wider range of skills. This 4-year divorce peak may be the remains of our ancestors’ reproductive strategy.
The natural weak point in our marriages is right at the time when our kids are less vulnerable. Maybe you should think twice before scratching that 4-year itch.
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Topic - Diet Soda. The guy in front of you orders a double burger, chili cheese fries and a diet soda.
Is he thinking he can afford a few more calories because of the diet soda? What’s the truth about diet drinks?
Medical research has confident answers because folks have been drinking this stuff for decades now.
Here’s what we know: artificial sweeteners confuse your body because they’re so intense they make natural sugar taste dull.
They lead to weight gain and not loss because we think we can afford the calories and eat more. They have no nutritional value and are linked to headaches and bad teeth.
People who use cocaine or methamphetamines or drink diet sodas daily have the same level of tooth erosion. It’s the citric acid in the diet soda that does it!
Mixing diet soda and alcohol gets you drunk faster. It’s bad for your bones, hurts your heart and is associated with depression.
Wean yourself off diet drinks. You’ll feel so much better!
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Topic - The Power of "No". The word “no” has a lot of potential.
There’s the flat out no and then there’s the not taking no for an answer.
How do you teach kids to say “no” to invitations that aren’t healthy, but to be persistent in pursuing their dreams by not taking no for an answer.
It’s all about their ability to answer one question, “Can I live with the consequences of my choices?”
If they can confidently evaluate each situation in light of the consequences, they are off to a good start. Help your kids create those “no” skills that allow them to escape situations without damaging relationships.
As for pursuing their dreams, it’s about not taking no for an answer. Shooting for a job that’s way out of reach? Go for it!
While they may not get hired, they’ve gone through the valuable experience of the interview process. Help them to see the power of “no” and put it to good use.
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Topic - Parents and Therapy. In my practice, I’ve had kids who’ve been through several therapists and have yet to cooperate with a single one.
They feel their parents send them to shrinks to find out “stuff I won’t tell them”.
What should parents do? I recommend that they go to therapy themselves.
My motto is to “take the field with whomever shows up”. If the kid won’t go, Mom and Dad should go to learn ways to reduce conflicts, understand the reasons behind the behavior and improve daily quality of life.
Many parents take their kid’s behavior personally. Their child’s depression becomes theirs. They question themselves and feel guilty.
If a therapist can move them away from that position to a position of action and problem-solving, tension will be reduced and parents will feel empowered.
Parents won’t feel victimized by this “thing” that has stolen their lives. The family can become healthier if knowledge and proactive problem-solving become the name of the game.
You’ve got nothing to lose.
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Topic - Submissive Kids. I get concerned when I see a child who is too compliant and conforming.
In my practice and personal life, I worry about the “perfect child”. Uh oh. They’re not supposed to be that perfect.
If Jeremy was a quiet baby in the womb and a peaceful baby once he was born, this behavior is likely to be his personality style.
If this behavior has evolved, it may be a coping mechanism. Overly compliant kids may be worried about alienating people they depend on for nurturance and protection. They may be overly dependent.
If Jeremy fears advocating for himself, steer him away from being too compliant and help him develop the skills he needs to stand up for himself.
You’ve seen these kids as adults. They accept the runny eggs and make excuses for why they shouldn’t send them back. They lead “less than” lives due to their fear of being abandoned.
There are ways to self-advocate respectfully and with confidence. Give your kids the skills they need for the long haul.
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Topic - Toys and Brains. I don’t mean to take the fun out of it, but when you choose toys, you’re actually in the brain-building business.
Just think of yourself as a general contractor for neurons. Even the most basic toy has the potential to build those brain cell connections that are critical to intellectual growth.
It’s so easy to buy toys for your child’s age because there’s typically a sign on the box telling you the age for which the toy was designed.
My advice? Consider a toy for a child just a bit older than yours.
It follows the same concept as reading to your child. Read to them at a level slightly higher than their reading level because new vocabulary is introduced.
And, because you’re reading to them, you can stop and explain the words.
If you buy a toy that’s a stretch for them, you sit down next to them and “spot” them. Let them explore the toy and when necessary, give them a hand.
There’s nothing like novelty to get dopamine flowing which enhances creativity. You’ll be amazed at how quickly they develop effective strategies.
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Topic - Tonsils & Naughtiness. Early last century, a doctor proposed a link between tonsils and naughty behavior in children.
Today, modern doctors think he was right.
Tonsils are odd flaps of lymphatic tissue. They’re the first line of defense against bacteria and virus that are inhaled or eaten.
Their shape and location allow the body to capture diseases. This allows time for antibodies to fight off whatever has attacked you.
Tonsils are much larger in children because of the proportions of the throat. After puberty, they get smaller making it easier to breathe and swallow.
There’s a link, however, between swollen tonsils and behaviors related to Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder. Kids with chronically enlarged tonsils often have poor sleep which makes them impulsive and inattentive.
Before making a diagnosis of ADHD, consider the role that swollen tonsils may be playing. You might be surprised!
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Topic - Teethy Smiles. Millions of years ago, as now, animals show their canine teeth to scare enemies.
We human used to do that, too. But, about 7 million years ago, we started developing tools, began cooking our food and our brains grew.
We learned to posture and scare off threatening people with rocks and sticks.
Now what do we do with those big, scary canine teeth? We don’t need them to tear food like when we were living in caves, so, what’s the story?
Over the millions of years, those huge canines flattened out and got smaller, balanced out our mouths and made us more attractive.
As our human language skills developed, attention was focused on the mouth. Facial expressions became important and the teeth and smile combination was born.
Facial expressions seem to be the “music” behind the “lyrics” of language. Pay attention to your own communication style. Make it easier for people to understand you by adding more “music” to your interactions.
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Topic - Teen Steps of Trust. Balancing freedom and responsibility is a major task of adolescence.
How can you help your teenager accomplish this? Well, you gotta go fishin’.
Fishermen throw out their line and then reel it back in. Negotiate with your teen for them to have more freedom and outline your expectations, especially those “zero tolerance” behaviors.
Don’t over-preach. Send them out into the world and see how well their judgment serves them.
Reel them in and see how they did. Make it safe for them to make mistakes.
Don’t slam them for the minor stuff. Consequences just might help them remember the next time.
It’s funny with kids, if it doesn’t hurt, they don’t learn. They’re experiential human beings and pain is a great teacher.
No, I’m not recommending you beat them, but assign them a noxious task or take something important away, if necessary. You know how to do it.
Follow up with, “Hey, I’ve got faith in you, kid. You’ll do better next time”.
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Topic - Music and Learning. Years ago, it was guaranteed that if you played certain music by Mozart, your child would become a genius. NOT!!
However, we know that early musical training increases attention span, improves timing and most importantly, trains a child’s listening skills which morphs into improved reading skills.
They look smarter than they are because they produce and perform competently which is the essence of education.
Kids with these attention, processing speed and reading skills are successful students even if they don’t have genius IQs and so, they’re granted admission into the gifted programs even when they aren’t gifted!
Students with competent executive functioning skills such as planning and organizing, working memory, time management, task persistence and an interest in learning make the most out of their native intelligence.
Early musical training might be fun, especially if you do it together. Just ask grandparents not to buy a drum set for her birthday!
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Topic - Baby's First Six Months. Being competent with language is the heart of learning.
If 6-month old Mike has even a small glitch in the speed of responding to sounds, he’s likely to have language processing problems at 3.
A long-term study proved that if babies have a sluggish response to the basic units of sound, they will lag in their “sounding out” skills. This lag impedes reading fluency and comprehension.
If reading comprehension lags throughout school, future economic opportunity is severely limited. This issue isn’t as much about hearing as it is about processing speed.
The best time to make sure that Mike becomes a competent student is the first 6 months.
Engaging him verbally is important, so is instrumental music of all kinds, rhymes and fast-paced, spirited songs.
Don’t get too caught up in visual stimulation because it’s what babies like, language development is the key to a successful future.
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Topic - Evolution of Grandparents. Our ancient ancestors didn’t have grandparents because people died young.
Grandparents arrived on the human scene only about 30,000 years ago and may have been the reason for the explosion of new types of tools and art that occurred about the same time.
Even in those brutal times, grandparents contributed to the economic and social resources of their children.
As with today, elders reinforce social connections. They were keepers of critical information such as the kinds of plants to eat, how to find water as well as cultural information such as ceremonies and traditions.
The intergenerational accumulation of knowledge was essential for creating family and societal systems.
The increase in population improved trade which increased the pace of population growth.
Grandparents. Wow, they’re not just the best babysitters ever; they helped us get to where we are today. Cool!
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Topic - Cooperation and Survival. Share and share alike behavior evolved in our ancestors who spent their time foraging in groups.
They worked together in order to survive. Cooperative behavior was greatly valued and so those members of the group who were cooperative were protected and included.
Millions of years ago, as today, it just wasn’t safe to be out there on your own. The work together/share together dynamic evolved into bartering where goods and services of equal value were shared.
We began to diversify as our brains evolved into higher levels of thinking.
Children do this naturally. Even when 2 and 3 year old kids work together, most of them share the profits in a natural way without adult prompting.
This give-and-take behavior may be more instinctual than first thought. Kids’ might be tapping their ancient brains to promote socialization that enhance their survival.
Watch your kids and ask yourself, “How did they learn that?”
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Topic - Kids' Privacy. I taught a class on parenting the adolescent years ago when a heated discussion developed regarding the privacy of teens.
My position was that all bets are off and you should make your teenager aware that you’ll be cleaning their room and no area will be off limits.
A woman challenged me by saying that she and her daughter had a trusting relationship and that she’d “never” violate that trust.
Even after presenting the information about the impaired judgment of immature teenage brains, she persisted.
I recommended that she negotiate a privacy agreement with her daughter and she resisted and she’d never impose on her 15-year old daughter who was a model teenager.
When I asked her if she could live with the consequences of this total trust, she jumped up and angrily left.
The other mothers couldn’t believe her naiveté and shared they advised their kids that they’d get privacy when they were 18!
Monitor your teens. Protect them from life-altering mistakes in judgment.
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Topic - Sleep Interruption. Not only are you cranky when your sleep is interrupted, but those interruptions also erode your memory.
Not only do you need a sufficient number of hours of sleep, but they have to be continual hours of sleep!
Sleep is a process that takes time and if you disrupt that process, there’s a price to pay. Continuous episodes of sleep are important for memory and learning.
The results of this research made me wonder about those with sleep apnea, chronic insomnia and of course, new mothers who aren’t getting continuous sleep.
They cobble together a few hours here and there and then say, “Why do I feel so bad? I got 7 hours of sleep”, but it was interrupted sleep and didn’t benefit them.
The longer this sleep pattern goes on, the more impaired people become.
Struggling with memory will cause frustration and temper blow-ups will go on to cause problems with relationships. It’s a dangerous cycle and needs to be addressed.
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Topic - Brain Injury Recovery. It’s long been thought that adult brains do not recover well from traumatic injury because we don’t create new neurons! WRONG!!
We give birth to brand new brain cells or neurons in the hippocampus, the memory centers of the brain. This is important news because when you have a brain boo-boo, you’re gonna have deficits in learning and memory.
If we can get the hippocampus to crank out new neurons, maybe we can offset some of those deficits and change the lives of millions of people, yes, I said millions of people who experience traumatic brain injury every year.
Of course, control the controllable and protect your brain, but if you have an injury, there may be options to improve your cognitive functioning.
Ask all of your professionals about ways to support your recovery and ask specifically about any steps you can take to grow more neurons.
The research is new and treatment may not yet be developed, but it doesn’t hurt to ask!
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Topic - Narcissists. If someone thinks they’re “all that and a bag of chips” why oh why would they ever show up for therapy?
I mean, aren’t they perfect? I’m describing a narcissist.
We’ve all had them in our lives. But, they actually know they’re narcissistic!
They know that others frown upon their arrogance. They seem to understand that they make good first impressions which rapidly sour.
Unfortunately, change is difficult for them to make because they overestimate their status and believe that others respect them. As well, they think their arrogance is a plus and that they’re worthy of being appreciated by others.
Therapy is challenging because narcissists don’t correctly interpret their behavior nor do they accurately understand the motivations, intentions, emotions and behaviors of others.
If you have a narcissist in your family, consider going to therapy to learn all you can about how they operate. Don’t get sucked into their drama.
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Topic - Girls and Boys and Science. Irving Berlin wrote a tune called, “Anything You Can Do, I Can Do Better” for the musical, “Annie Get Your Gun”. A male and a female singer try to outdo each other in the spirited duet.
In the world of science and engineering, the boys have noticeably outdistanced the girls. Why?
In 2005, Harvard president Lawrence Summers announced that male brains are more suited to math than girls because of something he called the greater male variability hypothesis, he resigned soon afterwards.
But his pronouncement caused a fuss and the race was on to find the reasons for science being top-heavy with males.
A 52-country study proved that it’s not about brains, but about cultures and the way societies are structured.
When girls are subtlely pushed towards the soft sciences and liberal arts, they sure don’t go charging into physics.
Now, there is a push to get girls into the hard sciences and engineering. We’ll see if the girls buy into it. Check back with me in 20 years.
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Topic - Gifted Memory Brains. Think you have a great memory?
Well, you just might, but there are those who can recall details of specific days in their lives. They are called “super-rememberers” and have a savant ability to recall everything that happened on a particular day of their lives.
Yep, a blessing and a curse. The three areas of the brain involved in this super memory are much larger than other people’s, but are about the same size as those with obsessive-compulsive disorder.
Because these two brains share the same architecture, there are questions about how this super memory could trigger obsessive-compulsiveness in some people.
It seems that being able to organize memories by dates helps to relieve anxiety in some, but the constant “running total” of life deteriorates into obsessiveness in others.
If your child has “super memory”, it’s not their fault; it’s the way they’re wired. Know the risks and help them to develop coping strategies.
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Topic - Parenting Humor. As a parent, if you don’t have negotiating skills or a sense of humor, you’re in for a rough ride.
When people laugh, the parts of the brain that react to rewards light up. So, it only follows that if you can inject humor into your interactions with your kids, they’re going to be more likely to actually want to interact with you.
Now, don’t overdo it with stupid or childish stuff, just let them in on that sarcastic commentator that runs non-stop in your own mind.
Kids at age 8 and beyond like sarcasm. It feels adult to them.
Instead of saying, “Jack, take out the trash”, say, “Ever since you got up this morning, you were just dreaming about taking out the trash. Well, your dream has come true. Thanks for the help, Jack”.
He’ll say, “Oh yeah, funny, dad” and you say, “Glad I could help. I’m here all week!, ba-dum-dum.”.
You see, it’s not the joke, it’s the humor that causes the heart-healthy laughter.
Laugh it up. Life can be funny.
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Topic - Baby Photo Memories. Oh, this is so fun! Take a photo of your new baby every month on the day they were born.
If Katie was born on July 10, take the next photo on August 10th and so on.
Prop up a sign next to her that says, “I’m 5 months old today!” or something adorable like that for each month.
Over the course of the year, it’s a great way to document Katie’s competence with sitting, crawling, standing, walking and talking. You can also see her personality taking shape.
It’s a great sequence of photos to have at her first birthday party. You’re sure to hear lots of stories about parenting adventures. Listen carefully! These are priceless “coming attractions” and the wisdom of other parents can keep you from making painful mistakes.
It’ll be tough to enjoy the birthday party and remember all of the great things that other parents tell you. Have index cards for guests to write a couple of things they wish they had known then. It’s a sweet way of bringing the past into the present.
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Topic - Itches and Urges. Just because we age, it doesn’t mean that we stop developing.
There are distinct stages of adult development that we should be paying attention to.
Though women are accused of domesticating men, that’s not the whole truth.
For example, when men move into their 50s, they start to lose the itches and urges of previous years and chose nurturance and dependence, while women have had enough of taking care of everybody and we seek independence and new experiences.
In our 60’s, both men and women think differently about time. We move from thinking about how old we are to how much time we have left.
These perceptions are caused, in part, by changes in health and life’s circumstances. They’re also caused by having fewer responsibilities.
If you see these changes in yourself, your parents or grandparents, understand that it’s just another stage in adult development. Embrace the changes and enjoy!
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Topic - Mentoring Your Emerging Adult. When Greg moved from elementary to middle school, you shifted parenting gears.
You went from directing his every move to backing off a bit to let him use the skills he developed in childhood.
The same kind of parenting transition happens in the late teens and early twenties when you become Greg’s mentor and not his parent.
Greg’s in college and thinks he’s got it all dialed in. He’s had experiences and can’t tell you how much he’s grown. You don’t wanna know.
At this point, you can only mentor, but your approach has to be subtle. It’s all in the language.
Think about how you speak to your peers. Don’t tell Greg anything. Ask him to “consider” his options and the next steps that might “feel right” to him.
He’s no longer your kid; he’s an adult on the verge of the rest of his life. You want him to make healthy choices, so choose your words carefully.
If you need practice, write Greg short notes, texts or emails he can go back to time and again.
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Topic - Your Magic Key. We adults lose them with regularity. Toddlers love to play with them and babies chew on the giant, colorful plastic versions as they teethe.
Keys!
Somehow, toddlers seem to appreciate the power of keys that we adults seem to take for granted until we lose them.
For toddlers, they represent something that Mommy and Daddy value and that’s associated with the comings and goings of the day.
A house key is the most important key you will ever have in your life. It symbolizes your ability to seek shelter, have your physical and emotional needs met and it also represents achievement.
Through many talents and luck, yes, let’s not forget luck, you’ve been able to earn a home and hopefully, the love of those who live there with you.
It’s a major part of your identity.
Taken in this context, when we see those people standing amidst the rubble of their homes, stop for a moment, say a prayer and be grateful for the key that still opens your door.
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Topic - Ecstasy Use And Memory Loss. Using as little as 3 ecstasy tablets a month for a year can cause immediate and delayed memory loss.
About 6% of America’s 12th graders have used ecstasy. Since using the drug causes euphoria, boundless energy and enhanced sensory experiences, it’s both appealing and destructive.
It damages the serotonin-producing cells. Serotonin is responsible for regulating mood and affects appetite and digestion, sleep, memory and sexual desire and performance.
Serotonin is made in the brain and the gut. The vast majority of serotonin, 80-90% that’s used by the body, is made in the gut and the serotonin used by the brain is made there by the serotonin raphe.
It isn’t clear if the damage caused by ecstasy is reversible, but it’s quite the dangerous roulette.
Teenagers don’t weigh consequences and feel they’re indestructible. Once they mature and see the damage they’ve caused, it might be too late. Let them know the risks.
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Topic - Caveman Brains And Yours. Thank goodness human babies have skulls that are a bit elongated at birth and become rounder during the first year of life.
Ouch! What’s the story with that?
Well, it’s a history thing. Humans and Neanderthals have elongated skulls which helped with the birth process! Ancient man kept that oval shape which did not allow for brain expansion.
Why was that a problem? This round shape allowed for expansion in the motor and language parts of the brain as well as the parts that coordinate sensory information with other parts of the brain.
The humans got all the goodies with their round skulls! Human were able to form abstract representational thought that’s necessary for learning.
Because our brains took on the “human” shape, we were able to problem-solve without language and then, with language which propelled us to the top of the hierarchy.
It’s been millions of years in the making, but we can finally work an algebra problem!
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Topic - Your Brain Notices Mistakes. Why do we enjoy blaming others so much?
It’s because a small cluster of nerves gets really excited when someone makes a mistake.
I like to call this cluster of nerves the “nah-nah-nah-nah-nah-nah” area of the brain.
Whereas we cannot readily see our own errors as the result of the Pragnanz Syndrome which makes us see what we intended to write, we are very sensitive to the mistakes that others make.
This sensitivity likely helps us to learn about the world. If you see someone vomiting after eating a berry, guess what? You know not to eat the berry!
It’s a survival mechanism.
Because life is a game of trial-and-error, we can see what works and what doesn’t work without suffering the painful consequences.
When we watch others, we learn social perspective taking which is critical for developing relationships.
When you’re out and about with your kids, teach them what’s going on and why so they can expand their general knowledge and judgment.
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Topic - Impulsive Behavior Is Inherited. What comes first, impulsivity or drug addiction?
We now know that self-control deficits and vulnerability to drug abuse is related to inherited impulsivity.
Abnormalities in the prefrontal cortex, the area behind the forehead that’s responsible for self-control, are seen in both drug abusing and sober siblings.
As well, they also develop cravings and drug abuse habits easily.
Their brain structures that regulate responses to cravings also tend to be smaller.
Remember that when you have a child, that child reflects the whole gene pool. Know the family’s complete medical and social histories to understand your child’s behavior.
This knowledge along with locating the necessary resources to address the issues will help you to anticipate ways to help them succeed at school and to enjoy social relationships.
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Topic - Napping Neurons. When tiredness takes over, you become clumsy and make poor decisions, but why is that?
There are tiny clusters of neurons that start napping even though the rest of the brain stays awake. These clusters of neurons appear to be power napping while the rest of the brain is actively engaged in the environment.
The longer the brain stays awake, the more power naps it takes leading to increased errors in judgment, poor decisions, poor regulation of emotions and behavior, and forgetting what we’re saying.
When your teenager is overly tired from too much homework, too many after-school activities, and too much late-night texting and video game playing, understand that their errors in judgment and angry responses may not be under their control.
While you must never tolerate aggressive or rude behavior, it’s helpful to know that critical parts of their brain may be offline temporarily.
The world is way too exciting for teens to turn off!
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Topic - Sleep On It. Experiments have shown that if you study for a test and then go right to sleep, the early stages of sleep help to consolidate the memory of that recently-learned information.
These early stages are when slow wave sleep occurs. This is the sleep phase that continues to process the information even though you’re asleep and not paying conscious attention to the data.
Interplay between areas of the brain help to seal the information into the hippocampus which is the memory center.
The results of the experiments highlight the need for healthy sleep habits especially for school-age kids who gain the greatest memory benefit from sleeping.
Older folks don’t enjoy that same memory bump from a good night’s sleep. This is because sleep cycles speed up and sleep becomes more fragmented with age.
Older people need to develop compensatory memory strategies to offset age-related memory decline.
Regardless, both young and old need healthy sleep patterns.
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Topic - Autism and Related Disorders. Learning disabilities are common in youngest kids with autism, while anxiety, speech problems, and seizures are seen more often in elementary and middle schoolers.
Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder is frequently diagnosed in all ages of those with autism.
Failure to treat these related disorders complicates a child’s recovery from the autistic symptoms.
I’ve sat in many school meetings where the child’s learning disabilities are minimized as simply a “side effect” of autism and didn’t warrant special education interventions.
Children with strong language mastery have a more positive prognosis for recovery than do those with low language skills, so intensive and immediate intervention is critical.
I’ve also seen a significant number of kids with diagnoses of autism that actually had language impairments and ADHD.
Competent assessment and diagnosis along with early and appropriate interventions will improve your child’s global success.
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Topic - Emerging Adulthood. Two decades ago, Jeffrey Arnett wrote about his research regarding a developmental phase he called “emerging adulthood” to address the transition between late teens and early 20s.
These kids seemed to have resolved the conflicts of the teen years and were becoming responsible for themselves, but remained close to their families.
What surprised Arnett was that this group was still struggling with their personal identity which was previously thought to have been settled during adolescence.
His extensive research revealed five ages of emerging adults including identity exploration, instability, self-focus, feeling in between and finally, the age of possibilities.
He found that many emerging adults want a lot out of life which means they’re headed for disappointment.
Help your emerging adult son and daughter develop realistic goals and plans to achieve them.
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Topic - Exercise and Stress. Exercise protects your brain from stress. It also protects your heart and increases your life span.
Exercise also calms circuits of the brain that are excitable. These circuits lead to anxiety.
People who believe that stress is negatively affecting their lives have double the heart attack risks when compared to others.
By exercising and discharging the physical energy created by tension, heart and brain health are improved.
Start small. Just walk around the block or even up and down your street for 20 minutes a day.
Be aware that if you experience periods of stress, you’re likely to revert back to your couch-potato status, so resist that temptation and keep walking.
Build your stamina and your resistance to illness and improve your cognitive functioning. You’ll feel better and be a better parent!
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Topic - Intermittent Therapeutic Relationships. When you don’t feel well, you go to the doctor. When you feel fine, you don’t!
Why can’t it be this way when you have general questions about parenting and your child’s development?
What do you do when you can’t find the answers on your own and want to consult with a developmental specialist? Do you have to go into therapy?
Consider asking a local child and adolescent therapist if they are open to what I call a “consultation” relationship.
I don’t do therapy, but as a diagnostician and child development specialist, I allow parents to come in with their list of questions with the understanding that it’s consultation and not therapy.
I explain that I might not be able to answer all of their questions because I don’t know their child.
Over the past 20 years, parents have come in repeatedly when their kids have reached new developmental stages and they want to be prepared for “what’s next”.
It’s proven to be enjoyable and productive.
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Topic - Outgrowing ADHD. Kids with ADHD have about a 3-year delay in the parts of the brain responsible for attention, impulse control and judgment.
The primary motor cortex of kids with ADHD is more advanced than others. This part of the brain is responsible for the restlessness and fidgetiness seen in many kids with ADHD.
Many ADHD kids outgrow the hyperactivity as they age, about 1/3 to 1/4 continue to have symptoms into adulthood.
The brains of kids with ADHD mature the same as others, from the front to the back, it’s just that their timing is off which puts them at serious risk for academic and social problems.
It’s unclear if ADHD kids catch up to those without the disorder. The brain is dynamic; it’s always changing in response to its experiences.
The attention centers of those who practice meditation on a long-term basis are larger suggesting that meditation reduces ADHD symptoms. Give it a try!
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Topic - Good Video Games. All video games aren’t bad for your kids!
Roblox and Bad Piggies teach metacognitive skills which is the “thinking about thinking” process.
Let Jake dive in while you watch so you can see the processes required to succeed.
I like Minecraft best. It, too, isn’t a shoot ‘em up, adrenalin-dumping game. It requires kids to decide what to do and how to get it done.
Planning skills are required to achieve goals within a time frame. Anticipating the materials needed and using mental representation to envision the finished goal are critical.
When Jake plays, watch over his shoulder for a bit. Then, connect that thinking with everyday tasks by relating back to the game.
So, when it’s homework time, ask him to tell you what materials he needs and how he’s going to tackle the assignments. These skills are essential for academic success and a healthy adjustment to adult life.
Practice does make perfect.
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Topic - System For Remembering. Spend half of our lives looking for things we’ve misplaced? Oh boy, we really need a system.
The source of the problem is that we just don’t stop for a jiffy and figure out what is causing the problem and what we need to fix it.
Think of how much we can reduce our misery index with a plan!
If keys are the problem, a hook by the door is the answer. You can simply put up one of those Command hooks and voila, you’re good to go!
Perhaps one of those entryway management systems from Pottery Barn will work. Go online right now and order it. It will come right to your door!
It’s the small and precious stuff we lose like cell phones and glasses that drive us crazy. There are products such as the tile app that tracks your misplaced items.
Don’t waste your life looking for the same things over and over again. Be smart. Get rid of that haystack and stop looking for that needle!
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Topic - Child Abuse and Early Drug Use. Children who have been neglected or abused tend to grow up and use drugs and alcohol because social stress changes the brain in ways that make drugs feel more rewarding.
Significant stress early in life leads to stronger responses to cocaine in adults than those who had not endured high levels of stress.
Those with a serious history of abuse took in more cocaine, took it faster and didn’t stop.
Changes in the brain are responsible for this out of control and self-destructive behavior.
In stressed children, dopamine, the brain’s reward neurotransmitter, was significantly increased in the area behind the forehead which is the very same area that is impacted by Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder.
The combination of ADHD and significant stress in children set them up for drug use.
Treat the ADHD, get support at home and school for problem behaviors to avoid child abuse. Reduce stress in your ADHD child to create a better adult life.
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Topic - Teaching Kids About Money. This next generation is already in debt up to their ears because of government overspending.
Nothing new there, but you can change your kid’s personal economic circumstances by getting very serious about your own.
Think about how you manage your finances. Do you want your kids to have a brighter future? Then teach them!
There are many resources online and on the radio to give you a solid head start. Believe it or not, there are programs for kids as young as 3 years, so there’s no excuse!
The programs help you teach your child about more than money because money is about work and cooperation. It’s also about self-discipline and reasonable decision-making.
Start with an allowance. I’ve written about giving allowances and no matter how old your child is, get them started.
And, whatever you do, don’t put yourself or your kids into debt for college. You can get a degree without debt.
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Topic - Romantic Love and Parenting. I read that “romantic love is a commitment device. It all comes down to the welfare of the children”.
This commitment device is the process by which humans come together to form a lasting bond that ensures the survival of the children to their reproductive age.
Kids have a better chance of survival with two adults instead of one. Romantic love is an adaptation that makes us think only of the one we love instead of others.
Once the kids come along and oxytocin floods us, we’re all about the kids. We don’t even realize that biological changes caused us to shift from lusting after our mates to loving the kids until one day we stop and look at each other and say, “What happened here?’
No wonder the divorce rate is higher among those with children! Along with the stressors of kids, our biology has shifted.
Get that lust back by creating opportunities to dump dopamine and put that twinkle back in your eye!
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Topic - Hostile Parenting and Teen Sex. Psychologists have warned for many years that kids who grow up in hostile home environments in which there is little love and warmth are likely to start having sex earlier and engage in it more frequently.
Kids with emotional scars have little discrimination in their sex partners. They hook up and have sex with just about anyone unlike most teens who typically have sex with their dating partners.
These hookups usually involve alcohol and don’t involve a condom. These kinds of encounters stop kids from developing the interpersonal skills they’ll need later for permanent relationships.
This leads to lowered expectations of what relationships should be like. Kids end up settling for less.
If you’re a parent with a “not-so-warm-and-fuzzy” style with your kids, think about what their nurturing needs are because if you aren’t fulfilling them, someone else might be and you may end up being a grandparent way too soon.
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Topic - Young Love. Young love is for real. You can truly fall in love in the early teen years, but you spend your childhood rehearsing for your debut.
From ages 0-2, babies learn how to flirt and make you fall in love with them to increase their survival. Getting that protection teaches the “give and take” of later life relationships.
From 3 to 6, kids are very expressive of love for parents and demonstrate it through intense affection. They begin to explore the contours of their bodies.
From 7 to 12, the Magic Years, boys test the limits of sexually explicit language and girls focus on romance. Fantasy is a big part, often the only part, of their romantic worlds.
The years from 13 to 18 bring big changes as they transition from single- to mixed-gender social groups. Teens take their first steps toward sexual and romantic behavior and by late adolescence, more serious romances develop.
Understanding your kids’ stage of love development is critical to helping them cope.
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Topic - Species Survival Cues. Your primary job is to stay alive, have babies and then die before you consume resources better spent on the young. That’s it.
How does the species survive and produce babies strong enough to make it?
Men prefer women with large breasts and the low waist-to-hip ratio because these are signs of fertility.
Women like men with muscular shoulders, broad chest and full beards which are signs of strength and virility resulting from testosterone.
Men with deeper voices are perceived as having higher levels of testosterone and tend to have more children which means that we women sense something about those low voices that tells us these guys can make babies.
Of course, once the babies are here, those muscular men should be strong enough to protect us.
Even insects are picky. They focus on symmetry. The more symmetrical the bee, the more they mate!
Survival of the fittest is powerful, indeed. Cue in on who attracts you. Are survival cues at work?
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Topic - Romantically Unhinged. Why do we stick around when our romantic partner has come unhinged?
In both sexes, lust is fueled by testosterone, companion love is fueled by oxytocin and romantic passion needs dopamine to drive it.
That dopamine system is engaged by other obsessive desires like drug addiction. Ah ha! We might as well face it, we’re addicted to love.
One of the reasons we stay with wacky partners is that we aren’t rational about love. Because we want someone who is emotionally committed to us because of who we are, we stay.
So, in order to protect our interests, we become jealous, irrationally jealous, to the point of making promises and threats and then backing them up with signs of commitment such as stalking.
Because emotions can escalate to violence committed in the name of love, the courts now take serious action in these circumstances.
Five women are murdered everyday by boyfriends and husbands.
Don’t wait; protect yourself when love turns to hate.
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Topic - Flirting Behavior. Flirting behavior is not always conscious, but it is the opening line for the opening line. Because when flirty behavior becomes verbal, it is intentional.
For women, flirting is more natural and less intuitive and men, well, they have to work at it.
For all of us, there’s a message of “Wanna play?” For men, they see flirting as an indication of sexual interest while women think it’s just fun and friendly behavior.
While flirting may lead to a better table or cut of meat and the ability to return an item without hassle, it has a dangerous side. Some people just don’t get the message when one person doesn’t respond positively and flirting can result in harassment, stalking or violence.
Online flirting typically moves at a faster pace with people revealing more of themselves than is safe.
Flirting can be addictive since it makes you feel a bit dangerous, alive and vital without actually endangering relationships.
So, go ahead and have fun. Flirt responsibly. You might even try it with your spouse!!
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Topic - Slow Simmer. Kids who blow up don’t always have a history of trauma.
Kid’s stress, anxiety, suicide, delinquency and depression may be the result of slow simmer which is often difficult to identify before it erupts.
The slow simmer results from the thousands of stressors and small traumas that accumulate daily.
The stressors in a child’s life include TV news, too much homework, a school day that’s too long, red check marks and unhappy faces on their work. Also, negative discipline, wrong school placement, inadequate support services, bullying, poor fit with teachers and a curriculum that is too fast-paced and demanding, increase the misery index.
Stress builds to frustration which erupts into anger. Once the anger erupts, the course is difficult to change.
Keep an eye on your kids. Don’t dismiss the “thousand cuts” or soon, you’ll have a hemorrhage. Explore their stress to find the reasons for it and do something.
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Topic - Creating Routines. The best way to fail is to set too many goals at once and set them too high.
Goals are achieved by setting one or two within a time frame that allows them to be firmly mastered through lots of successful practice.
For example, morning routine goals should be well within Steve’s current level of independence. Use brief and specific language in teaching and practicing.
Post pictures of the sequence for getting things done. Review the sequence daily until Steve has mastered it. Give him time to change his old habits.
Praise not only his performance, but his positive attitude and genuine effort.
Once Steve has mastered this goal, have him recommend the next skill he thinks should be tackled. Ask him for ideas on how to improve the learning process.
Involving him in the decisions increases his “buy in” for the plan. Always allow for free time and avoid being too task-oriented.
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Topic - Personality Style Tests. I started at the University of Florida in 1973 and took the Myers-Briggs Personality Type test as part of their ongoing research.
The Myers-Briggs is based on Carl Jung’s theory that people use four functions of Sensing, Intuiting, Thinking and Feeling to live their lives.
He said that people were either Extraverted or Introverted in their dominant function.
Isabel Briggs added Judging and Perceiving to the list and created the test to help people better understand their personality style.
The results of the test assign you to one of the 16 personality types. The test has been used extensively in business, counseling and coaching, leadership training and in a variety of mental health settings.
The website, 16 Personalities (www.16personalities.com), offers a brief and free test that estimates your Myers-Briggs personality type. Want to know more about the personalities in your family? Have fun! Try it!
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Topic - Power of Routines. Routines impact life positively on at least two levels.
They improve the quality of daily life by increasing efficiency and they allow kids to feel safe and secure.
The message of, "This is how we do things” helps kids to know exactly what’s expected of them, helps them to focus on one thing at a time and increases the chances they’ll meet your expectations.
Stress is decreased when the family structure is firmly in place. The atmosphere then becomes one where relationships can grow stronger.
In hectic times, it may feel like structure is impossible, but these are the times when structure is needed most even if it’s temporary.
Effective routines take consistency and commitment. If the routine isn’t working, don’t abandon it, re-work it! Above all, stick with it until it works for the family.
Remember, you aren’t doing this just for today, you’re also teaching your children how to create routines for their families.
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Topic - Alcoholism, Obesity, Depression. It’s well-known that alcohol abuse plays a big role in the development of many health problems.
It’s impact goes beyond the obvious, however.
Research reveals that women who abuse alcohol at age 24 are three times as likely to be obese by age 27 and women who are obese at 27 are likely to be depressed by age 30.
This continuum of alcohol, obesity and depression isn’t seen in men. We now know that obesity may actually give men protection against depression later in life.
Considering the very severe health consequences of obesity and depression let alone alcohol, if you know a young woman who is leaning toward chronic alcohol abuse, intervene to the extent possible to support her recovery.
Her habits for the first years 30 could seriously reduce her life expectancy and the quality of her life.
If she goes on to be married and have a family, the misery index is substantially increased for all of those whose lives are touched by hers.
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Topic - Teen Brains. One of the most confusing features about teenagers is that they seem smart, but don’t act smart.
At times, they behave maturely and the next minute, they are having a full-blown tantrum about nothing at all. What’s the reason for these extremes?
It has to do with the timing of brain development. From age 11 to 16, kids’ performance on intelligence tests improve rapidly and then level off suggesting intelligence peaks by age 16 which is when the brain stops physically growing.
The brain continues to physically mature and becomes more efficient until about age 35.
Impulse control and evaluating risk doesn’t fully mature until the early-to-mid 20’s. As a result, teens are more capable of deciding when to end a pregnancy than they are of controlling their behaviors in a violent confrontation.
Avoiding confrontations that may escalate into violence is critical for managing your family and keeping authorities out of your relationships.
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Topic - Licorice In Pregnancy. Believe it or not, when mother ate large amounts of licorice while pregnant, her children performed at lower levels on intelligence tests and had shorter attention spans and more symptoms of ADHD than other kids.
One theory is that the compound, glycyrrhizin, in the licorice alters the placenta and allows damaging stress hormones to cross over into the baby’s developing brain.
Mother would have to eat a great deal of licorice to harm baby, but the study points out how everyday foods have the potential to influence the fetus’ developing brain.
It’s best to stick to a diet of freshly-prepared foods and avoid those with high levels of sugar and additives. Processed foods contain a great deal of salt and preservatives and are likely to have little nutritional value for baby or mother.
Pregnant women develop cravings, so if you eat lots and lots of a certain food, make sure it has no hidden dangers for baby.
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Topic - Social Media Benefits. Many parents are concerned about the amount of time their kids spend on social media outlets, but for social outcasts and those with social interactional disorders, participating in these controlled peer interactions improve their self-esteem.
Research shows that those who struggle with confidence in social settings feel less upset, embarrassed and depressed after chatting it up online with peers they may not know.
These interactions increase their social communication skills. They also gain access to peers that they would ordinarily be isolated from.
This access allows them to learn about the “lingo” of their peers, their interests and concerns which could then align them more competently with their peer group.
If your child lacks confidence in their peer interactions and needs more practice before getting into the game for real, allow them to participate in social media outlets.
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Topic - Depression. Depression can be as deadly as smoking.
An extensive research study revealed that the death rates for those who suffer from chronic and serious depression are comparable to those who are long-term smokers.
However, if you are both anxious and depressed, death rates drop, amazingly enough.It is thought that the discomfort caused by the anxiety prompts the sufferer to seek help, thus reducing the depressive symptoms.
Those who are depressed become socially isolated and their health habits decline as a result. An unhealthy cycle develops whereby coping skills deteriorate possibly resulting in a poor job performance and even greater levels of isolation.
Deteriorating dietary habits and poor self-care result in health problems.
If you love someone with depression, realize the risks and help them get the treatment they need. If you suffer from depression, cognitive behavioral therapy and possibly medication can improve your quality of life.
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Topic - Childhood Cancer Effects. As if surviving cancer isn’t enough, children who have been treated with radiation for brain tumors are likely to have problems with memory, organization and regulating their emotions later in life.
They don’t adjust to adult life because of poor school performance, less full-time employment and subsequent lower income.
Parents spend every ounce of their emotional energy coping with the unending procedures and consoling their gravely ill child. Now is all they can handle.
They can’t afford the luxury of dreaming that their child will live. But, they need to prepare for a adulthood by arranging frequent evaluations to monitor academic performance as well as mental health counseling to deal with the trauma of having a life-threatening disease.
If you know a family with these challenges, consider gently broaching this subject so they can discuss it with their doctors.
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Topic - Autism Risk Seen In Placenta. The search is on for ways to detect autism as early as possible so that interventions can begin.
We know there are certain genetic markers for autism, but most kids are diagnosed first and then the genetic confirmation is conducted. This approach doesn’t result in treatment.
Researchers at Yale University were able to identify if a newborn was or wasn’t the sibling of a child with autism which makes that newborn 9 times more likely to develop the disorder.
How could they tell? By evaluating the abnormal folds in the placenta which suggests that nutrients weren’t properly delivered to the developing fetus.
If the newborn was found to be vulnerable to autism, treatment began immediately when the brain is most flexible and able to change.
It’s not known if therapies for older children work in newborns, but since the incidence rate of autism is now 1 in 50, we need to get creative to reduce the devastating symptoms in children.
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Topic - Animals' Grief. Rabbits, elephants, dogs, cats, monkeys, birds, giraffe, dolphins and whales, coyotes, wolves and horses have strong grief reactions when their babies or partners die.
They spend a great deal of time trying to revive the dead family member and finally succumb to the realization that they must move on.
In the case of domestic pets, the dead pet is removed right away and the ancient process is not allowed to play out.
It’s unhealthy to keep a dead pet around the house so its partner can grieve, but it’s important to understand the grief reaction of the surviving pet in order to teach little Andy why his dog, Buddy, doesn’t want to play and why he seems sad.
Use this situation to find out what Andy thinks about death. Help him express his feelings and develop coping skills appropriate for his age such as ways to honor his dog.
Don’t minimize Andy’s feelings especially if this is his first experience with death.
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Topic - Left Handedness. About 10% of the world’s population is left-handed.
Why are people left-handed?
There’s not much difference between lefties and righties. But lefties excel in visual-spatial tasks and more lefties than righties are geniuses.
Handedness might be related to speed. Using one hand saves time and in the ancient world, handedness could have made the difference between life and death.
Early survival may have favored lefties due to the surprise punch from the left in a fight. Better warriors had more access to women and had more children.
Societies with high levels of cooperation have more people with same-handed dominance than those that compete.
Today, left-handedness may be related to problems during fetal development or birth. Lefties have higher rates of dyslexia, schizophrenia, allergies and lupus.
Regardless of the reason for being a southpaw, nature has a plan.
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Topic - Number Recognition. Recently, I met a very intelligent and accomplished woman who casually remarked that she can’t read the number 9.
She found it fascinating that she has “brain farts” when confronted with 9. She also surmised that she pursued a field where numbers weren’t involved.
I didn’t want to be Poindexter, but I shared that scientists recently found a teeny tiny part of the brain only 1/5 of an inch wide “turns on” when people see numbers, but it doesn’t light up when people see the number name spelled out as in n-i-n-e.
This is curious because our brains don’t automatically read numbers. It has to be taught.
This group of neurons is side-by-side to the spot we use to read words and is thought to be responsible for dyslexia.
Is this cluster of “number” neurons responsible for dyscalculia or the dyslexia of numbers? Your math problems may be all in your head!
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Topic - Drinking While Pregnant. Recent research concluded that “light” drinking during pregnancy may not cause adverse behavioral or cognitive effects.
I’m not buying it.
The researchers didn’t define “light drinking”. But every person metabolizes alcohol differently and pregnancy impacts metabolism.
Will some women be convinced that “light drinking” is OK? So, how many drinks are you willing to risk?
If you have just a bit too much at a vulnerable stage of your baby’s development, can you live with the potential problems?
No one knows exactly which days during the 40 weeks your baby is vulnerable. Think about how you will feel if your child ends up with behavioral problems, learning disabilities or other, lifelong developmental disorders. You will blame yourself.
Just don’t drink while you are pregnant or breastfeeding. Don’t drink. It isn’t worth the risk.
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Topic - Preventing Choking In Children. Kids younger than 5 have no molars and their ability to swallow is uncoordinated creating a choking hazard.
Their airways, which are the size of a pinky finger and are high up in the neck, give food direct access to their windpipe.
What to do?
Cut up hot dogs into quarter moon shapes; peel grapes and cut into quarters; spread peanut butter thinly, and cut cooked vegetables into small pieces.
Avoid dried fruit, chunks of meat and cheese, nuts, popcorn, hard sticky candy, and gum.
Eating should be an activity unto itself. Children should be sitting up, not running around or eating in the car. They should be supervised at all times and food shouldn’t be a babysitter.
If your child chokes and then, seems fine, the object can still be a threat. See your pediatrician immediately.
Be prepared. Check with your local hospital for first aid classes where they teach the Heimlich maneuver and CPR for children.
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Topic - Turning It Over To Your Kids. At what point do you give your kids the keys to their lives?
The answer? At the point when you know they’re capable, but aren’t taking responsibility for their behavior.
Don’t give them carte blanche over the whole deal. Take one issue at a time; for example, homework.
This dynamic becomes a serious problem in middle school when they have 6 classes every day and homework for those 6 classes every night. Organizational deficits and problems with time management undermine the student who was very capable in elementary school.
When they are taking a “devil-may-care” attitude toward their responsibilities, it’s time to have a sit down and outline expectations as well as the “swift and severe” consequences if they don’t take their job seriously.
School is the work of children. Every day, they need to “get up, dress up and show up” with a positive attitude and genuine effort which are the requirements of adult life.
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Topic - Borderline Personality Disorder. Borderline personality disorder is its own mental health diagnosis. It doesn’t mean that it’s some kind of vague issue that’s “on the border” of becoming a problem.
The most famous film characters that depicted severe cases of BPD were Evelyn in Play Misty for Me” and Alex in Fatal Attraction.
75% of Borderline Personality Disorders are diagnosed in women.
There’s a great deal of disagreement as to the cause, but clearly, genetic and biological factors, trauma such as sexual abuse and early childhood factors play a role.
Chaotic relationships, anxiety, depression, impulsivity, anger, irritability and serious emotional instability characterize this disorder.
Fear of abandonment is a core issue.
Suicide attempts and substance abuse are common.
Early assessment and intervention is critical to reduce the fallout from this disabling condition.
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Topic - Sensory Processing Disorders. “Sensory processing disorder? Just what is that?” Mom asked.
I explained that Justin’s brain can’t correctly process incoming signals and develop an appropriate response. It has a very significant impact on his life.
One in 6 children suffer from it.
Justin doesn’t like tags in his clothes or taking a bath. He doesn’t like crunchy food. Smells overwhelm him.
He becomes anxious, irritable and may tantrum. He becomes aggressive when a push feels like a shove.
Many adults suffer, too. Adults struggle with escalators, amusement rides, being barefoot, directions, merging into oncoming traffic, judging distances and heights.
Occupational therapists who specialize in sensory defensiveness can help Justin or you to become more comfortable in your world by identifying the source of your discomfort.
Check out Sharon Heller’s book, Too Loud, Too Bright, Too Fast, Too Tight.
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Topic - Gifted Children. I get these “Can I just ask you a question?” phone calls and most of them focus on the needs of gifted and academically talented kids.
Public schools offer little in the way of programs to encourage these students and parents want to know “What else is there?”
One of the most well-respected programs is the Johns Hopkins Center for Talented Youth which began in 1979. They have summer programs, online programs and events for families.
They address the needs of students from preschool through the 12th grade.
Resources to help you find exciting experiences for your child include the National Association for Gifted Children as well as the National Society for the Gifted and Talented.
The Hoagies Gifted Organization will guide you toward resources in your state (and country!). They offer a wealth of information.
Raising a gifted child has unique demands. Have your child’s ability level tested and feed that hungry brain!
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Topic - Brain Pruning. Your brain has pre-set periods where it kills off parts of itself. It’s called “pruning” and it happens off and on from birth to early adolescence.
This process is critical to brain development because it destroys the rarely-used connections and streamlines paths for electrical impulses.
Pruning gets rid of damaged neurons that interfere with faster processing speed.
Learning experiences strengthen connections which become resistant to pruning.Those experiences shape kids’ brains throughout childhood.
Your job? Read to baby; dance and sing. Take baby for walks and introduce her to all kinds of experiences.
The world is a whole new place for her so the grocery store with colors and shapes, is a great learning environment.
Every single experience shapes her brain and improves cognitive ability.
Don’t just put baby in front of the television. It does little, if anything, to develop her brain.
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Topic - Dopamine and Motivation. So, what’s the deal with ADHD and motivation?
Dopamine is responsible.
The architecture of the ADHD brain causes reduced levels of dopamine which is the brain’s pleasure chemical. It’s involved in many brain functions like motivation, memory, behavior, thinking, attention, sleep, mood and learning.
Many medications for ADHD increase dopamine in the brain. Its real job may not be in rewards, but in getting us motivated to act to achieve something or avoid something bad.
Dopamine spikes occur in soldiers with PTSD when they hear gunfire.
Do you find yourself getting the job done to avoid humiliation? That’s dopamine in action.
Go-getters have higher levels of dopamine in the areas of the brain involved with motivation and reward whereas “slackers” have dopamine in the areas of emotion and risk perception.
Increase your dopamine by achieving small goals!
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Topic - Miracles. To quote Einstein, “There are only two ways to live your life. One is as if nothing is a miracle. The other is as if everything is a miracle”.
You encounter miracles every day.
Recently, I sat next to a woman who was nearly 9 months’ pregnant. She was focused on the lecture and I was focused on how she was creating a life while going about her day. Miracle.
That day, I took 23,000 breaths and my heart beat 100,000 times pumping blood through 60,000 miles of arteries and veins. Miracle.
I sit at my keyboard and compose this 60-seconds of fun while trillions of chemical reactions are taking place every second. Miracle.
The odds of something going wrong are really steep, but usually, most things go right.
The moral of this story? I’m not wringing my hands over every little hiccup. I’m focusing on the everyday miracles.
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Topic - Reactive Attachment Disorder. During the first year of life, a critically important part of a baby’s brain is turned on if baby’s basic needs are met quickly and competently.
Baby also needs consistent interactions with mother to develop its brain.
The right orbital frontal cortex allows us to have empathy, develop emotional give-and-take and is involved in the reward aspect of decision making.
When children don’t have the care they need for the first 3 years, they don’t develop healthy attachments to caregivers and reactive attachment disorder results.
It’s a relatively uncommon disorder, but is seen in abused and neglected. They also experience problems with communication, social development, and cognitive ability which compromise performance in school, development of friendships and family relationships.
Children can be helped to develop social skills and treat the depression, but it’s a long and difficult process. Don’t give up!
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Topic - Adrenalin. Adrenalin is a very powerful hormone and a neurotransmitter. It was present even in the ancient brain.
In ancient peoples and even now, this hormone is used to signal threat and activate the systems that give us the power to run fast or fight to protect ourselves, the fight-flight response.
As a neurotransmitter, it has the job of helping brain cells talk to each other.
When you’re under constant stress and adrenalin is bathing the brain daily, it becomes a “bully” transmitter.
Because it’s designed to keep you alive, if adrenalin is present, other, healthier neurotransmitters aren’t allowed to hang around.
For example, if adrenalin is in the brain, serotonin, the brain’s antidepressant, drops substantially.
If you’re stressed chronically, the organ in your brain that makes serotonin will go quiet and you’ll develop depression.
Check your kid’s stress levels. It’s a challenge to treat depression in children.
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Topic - Mothers' Brains. In the early months of pregnancy, a mother’s brain grows in areas related to motivation, reward, emotional processing, reasoning and judgment to meet the many demands of caring for a baby.
Areas of the brain related to reward and arousal become sensitive to infant behavior.
Mother’s brain is wired to hear her own baby over a roomful of strangers’ babies. By the time baby is 5 months, mother will respond within 2 seconds of its cry.
By 3 months, mothers and babies have become attuned to each other’s faces.
These biological changes and parenting behaviors are seen across all cultures and are designed to increase emotional attachment of mother to child to ensure the infant’s survival.
It doesn’t matter if mother is living on the plains of Africa or the plains of middle America, her brain is wired to give everything she’s got for her child.
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Topic - Primed For Parenting. 4 million babies are born every year in America. It’s a very powerful event for many reasons.
Parenting actually shapes our brain and primes us to respond to our babies.
Our adult brain is designed to become very excited when seeing baby’s face. Motor areas of the brain that are responsible for planning movement and prompting speech also get fired up.
As a result, when babies cry, we get busy walking and talking to meet their needs.
This is exactly why we talk to babies even though we know they don’t understand.
We talk to babies in a special voice with lots of variation in volume and rhythm called infant-directed speech. Even our voices are primed to meet their needs.
Infant speech is a universal phenomenon and we don’t even realize we’re doing it.
Let’s face it, these tiny little people with so few obvious skills completely own us because we are wired to them and for them. All they have to do is cry to flip our switch.
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Topic - ADHD and Air Pollution. More and more, research has connected the rise in autism and Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity to air pollution.
Research conducted in New York City found that women exposed to high levels of a certain hydrocarbon during their pregnancies had five times the chance that their children, at age 9, would have symptoms of the inattentive type of ADHD.
Car exhaust and power plants produce hydrocarbons. The study didn’t prove that the hydrocarbons cause ADHD, only that there is a link.
Exposure to hydrocarbons during pregnancy is also related to developmental delays at age 3, reduced IQs at age 5 and signs of depression and anxiety by age 6 and 7 years.
In adults, hydrocarbons are associated with heart disease, lung disease and cancer.
Considering the powerful impact on both developing children and adults, it’s important to understand the risks of where you live and the ways to protect your health.
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Topic - Selective Mutism. Some kids don’t speak. Not because they have a language processing or a physical disorder, but because they have severe anxiety.
They speak infrequently and only in certain situations because they’re fearful and anxious. They have selective mutism.
Starting in infancy, they may have tantrums, sleep problems and moodiness.
Kids who are selectively mute often have an inhibited temperament due to a small and over-excitable amygdala that causes them to shut down.
The amygdala is a small part of the brain that helps people protect themselves. With mutism, social situations are the threat.
Sensitivity to sounds, touch, taste, smells and light may cause tantrums.
The main goal of treatment is to reduce anxiety. Talk to your pediatrician or go online to selectivemutismcenter.org.
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Topic - Career Exploration. When you start those conversations about “What do you want to do when you grow up?”, be prepared.
Ask Greg, “What kind of work looks interesting to you?” By late middle school, most kids have some sense of work they might like.
Talk to him in general terms such as those found in the Occupational Outlook Handbook or the Dictionary of Occupational Titles. Both of these resources are online.
The information in the Dictionary of Occupational Titles comes from those people who have direct experience working the job.
The Occupational Outlook Handbook gives details about working conditions of a job, the training, the kind of work that is done and the future of the job.
Some of the information is hilarious and you and Greg will look at each other and say, “Are there people who really do this job?”
Every job in America is presented in these two resources. So, go and have fun!
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Topic - Making Memories. Birthdays, anniversaries and the holidays all pose a challenge for gift giving. Let’s start different traditions by being creative in celebrating special times.
Consider buying or making a small gift as a physical token of the event, but focus on making memories. The sweater is outgrown, and the toy breaks, but memories last a lifetime.
Is your child an artist or musician? An outing to an art gallery or concert, just the two of you, will make their birthday special.
Take your child out to a special restaurant for dinner or just dessert. Explore your town to find the fun. Watch planes land, go horseback riding or hiking.
Take Karen and her friend to lunch and the movies. The goal here is to spend time, not money, creating a memory.
We’re so busy in our daily lives that stopping, just for a moment, to do something with your kid will send a powerful message about their importance in your life.
Get to know your children. Don’t just go shopping, do something together!
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Topic - Small Corrections. At the end of the movie, 6 Days, 7 Nights, the characters Quinn and Robin were escaping pirates in a damaged plane.
Quinn was teaching Robin how to fly because he was hurt and rapidly losing consciousness.
She grabbed the yoke and the plane shuddered. Quinn told her, “Small corrections. Small corrections”.
I thought, “That’s so true of many things in life”. Come New Year’s, people will make many promises of change and are likely to fail because they took on too much at one time.
Changes in life are best handled with “small corrections”. “One day at a time” strategy associated with AA works because it’s a “small correction”.
Diets fail over the long haul, but small changes such as portion sizes have very positive results.
This approach holds true for parenting, financial management, and other behaviors you want to change as well as achieving your educational or professional goals.
Small bites and small steps work.
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Topic - Kids' Jobs. Teenagers get frustrated when they can’t find jobs because they don’t have experience and they can’t get experience because they don’t have jobs.
What to do?
I recommend that kids volunteer their time doing basic tasks at a job that looks interesting to them. It’s a great way to explore the reality of jobs by observing the workers and the work underway.
Insurance guidelines may not allow them to work at certain jobs, so help them to narrow down realistic positions. As you travel about your day, make notes of businesses that might be open to free labor.
Even if they work there for a month, they can get a statement of their performance.
This approach allows them to “get up, dress up and show up” in a low-risk setting. If they have to interview, all the better. It will help them to get familiar with the dynamics of a job interview.
By the time they seek out a paying job, they’ll know what to expect and they’ll be more prepared to put their best foot forward.
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Topic - Brain Inflamation. Inflammation is starting to be appreciated as the underlying cause in many physical and mental health illnesses.
Autism, schizophrenia, Alzheimer’s Disorder and depression may be caused by brain inflammation and its connection with stress is undeniable.
Those with a history of early traumatic events may not benefit from an antidepressant alone because of brain inflammation.
If there’s little improvement with antidepressants, psychiatrists evaluate inflammation and begin treating it, too, for a better response.
Be aware of how your child’s diet and sedentary lifestyle may set them up for widespread inflammation which can lead to serious health problems like heart disease, diabetes, depression, anxiety, and memory and cognitive problems.
Improve your family’s diet and get walking!
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Topic - Migraines. If you don’t suffer from migraines, it’s impossible to appreciate just how much peoples’ lives are affected by them.
30 million Americans have migraines and 75% are women. It’s not just a headache, it’s a brain ache.
It’s a state of the brain that not only causes pain, but nausea and vomiting, disturbances in thinking and communication as well as sensory disturbances.
Migraine sufferers live in fear of the next attack. Anticipatory anxiety shadows them and they cannot enjoy the pleasures of life. They can be crippled not only by the next headache, but by fear of the next one.
Annually, migraine headaches cost $20 billion in lost wages.
If your child suffers from migraines, be aware of possible anxiety and depression. While everyone else is enjoying life, your child is being held hostage by their brain.
Don’t wait. There are a number of headache clinics in America to support you.
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Topic - Video Game Addiction. Parents who struggle with getting kids to stop playing video games see their kids as addicted.
Video games change the brain in the same ways that gambling, drugs and alcohol do.
The parts of the brain that regulate the dance between emotions and behavior are affected by playing video games.
We know we get good at what we practice, so when Frank plays video games 4-5 hours a day, he’s training his brain to be addicted.
We don’t know what will happen when Frank grows up and goes off to college and experiments with cocaine. Will he not see the danger because his brain is trained to feel this way?
The level of dopamine actually increases in the brains of gamblers when they’re losing. The same dynamic is seen in gamers’ brains.
Are we training kids to be gamblers? Only time will tell.
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Topic - Prenatal Alcohol Exposure. Not only does a pregnant woman’s use of alcohol cause irreversible physical disabilities, learning and behavioral problems, it also sets a child up for alcohol abuse because of the smell of alcohol in the womb.
Yes, the smell of alcohol in the womb.
A baby’s developing sense of smell and taste originate in the womb. It’s also where they learn about what is safe and good to eat even during breastfeeding.
The developing nervous system senses alcohol in the amniotic fluid and develops a liking to it the same way it would to something healthy. In this case the normal process is working against the fetus.
If children have a history of prenatal alcohol exposure, help them understand their risks for alcoholism.
The taste for alcohol isn’t their fault, but it sure is their responsibility to make smart choices.
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Topic - Tears and Meaning. The one thing that many men fear most are the tears of women they love.
We women are very strong and though we have a reputation for being emotional, it’s a bad rap. We’re not nearly as emotional as we’re fierce and passionate. We’re all in.
But let’s get back to the tear thing. Why do men have this strong response? Do they feel manipulated or is it something else? It’s something else.
The smell of a woman’s tears is associated with a dip in testosterone and a decline in sexual arousal.
Tears shed because of emotional arousal have a different chemistry and smell than those needed to clean the eyes. Their scent has a “help soliciting” function.
Only women’s tears were studied in the research, but men’s tears and those of children are likely to communicate the same “help me” message that just can’t be ignored.
So, when your children cry, they really do need your help.
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Topic - Learning From Mistakes. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry” said Annie for the 10th time today.
She apologizes, but her heart isn’t in it and her behavior never changes. What’s going on?
She isn’t learning from her mistakes so, she’s in damage control mode and working hard to avoid punishment.
You can change it. How? By spending time with her explaining what she has done and showing her what she can do the next time. Act it out if necessary.
Annie will make the same mistake again and when she does, ask her what she can do differently the next time. If she can’t answer, there’s more going on than just misbehavior.
Attentional or impulse control problems may make it difficult for her to do what she knows she should be doing.
Focus on one behavior at a time and review it frequently throughout the day. She might be the kind of kid who just needs a lot of practice before her behavior becomes automatic.
Developing healthy relationships depends on this early social training.
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Topic - Talk Is Cheap. Go ahead, I dare you. Try to explain how delicious something tastes, describe the sound of beautiful music or how you feel about your children.
I dare you to capture these emotions with words.
Words just don’t seem to “cover it all”, do they? Let’s face it, the heart speaks a language all its own.
What do we do instead of talking about these emotions when we truly want to convey them? Don’t just stand there, do something.
It’s a powerful message of real love when you act on your feelings. Remember that “talk is cheap”.
Think about your sister and her three little kids. Give her a break. Take the kids for an afternoon so she can go grocery shopping by herself or take a shower without an audience.
Look around and see what you can do for your family and friends. It will be the case that what you get in return is much greater than what you give.
Teach your kids about random acts of kindness. Yep, those are the true gifts in life.
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Topic - Bad Behavior Extinction. Extinction isn’t just for animals. It’s for those behaviors you want to get rid of.
All behavior is purposeful and many times, it’s designed to get a reward which might be attention or a treat. If you consistently fail to reward the behavior, it stops.
When Kevin begs for a cookie and you give him one, you’ve taught him that begging works.
To train him not to beg, don’t give him attention or the cookie. When he’s not begging for a cookie, tell him he should be proud of himself which rewards positive behavior.
It’s like a slot machine. If you reward him every now and then, Kevin will never stop begging.
Also be ready for the sharp, temporary increase in behavior when you stop rewarding it. This “response burst” is designed to weaken you! Stay strong and be consistent!
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Topic - Independent Educational Evaluation. You asked Ryan’s school to test him for learning disabilities.
When you got the report, they didn’t answer all of your questions about his academic performance and his social difficulties. Now what?
You can request an independent educational evaluation. You don’t have to give a reason for your request, but you’ll be asked to give one.
Be ready to discuss how their test results don’t explain why Ryan is struggling.
Wasn’t the schools’ testing supposed to explain the situation? It’s their job to explain it to you, it’s not your job to explain it to them.
Some school districts give you a list of their approved evaluators. They can’t restrict you to that list.
They’ll tell you that they’ll pay only a certain amount. There’s nothing in the law that says they can do that, either.
Their attorneys will bully you, but stand your ground. It’s not their kid who’s struggling, it’s yours. Learn your rights and press on.
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Topic - Waking Teenagers From Sleep. Sleep patterns change during the teenage years for hormonal reasons, added school work and increased social demands.
They rarely get the 9 hours of sleep they need and then, you’ve gotta to get them out of bed!
In the morning, teenagers need to be exposed to bright sunlight in order to wake up. This light activates the pineal gland and cues the brain to “rise and shine”.
This light issue poses a serious health challenge for even adults who have the 2nd or 3rd shift. There’s no natural light to spark an awake state.
But for your teen student, don’t throw open the curtains because you’ll be irritating an already irritable person. Introduce the light in stages.
But what if it’s dark when they get up? Find light bulbs that are as close to the natural light spectrum as possible and turn them on in stages.
Yelling at your teenagers in a darkened room isn’t going to get them out of bed.
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Topic - Emergency Plan. Emergencies by their very nature are unexpected and dangerous.
Prepare an emergency plan for your family. Develop a plan, review it every month.
We get good at what we practice, so practice even if they think it’s stupid. Cops, soldiers and firefighters rely heavily on their training and it saves their lives.
When kids are scared, they’ll rely on their training, too. It’ll be automatic.
Post their escape route in their rooms so they can see it every day. Put reflective exit signs where necessary to guide them.
Because emergencies are usually loud, consider keeping a small bullhorn by your bed to direct them in the dark and smoke.
Assign each person their own responsibilities. Designate a single meeting place. All family members should have a whistle in case they’re trapped.
Sit down with your family and ask them what they might need in an emergency and go from there.
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Topic - Praising Children. When you praise children for “who” they are instead of their effort and attitude, it’s not helpful and even causes shame and humiliation.
But why is that?
Because you can’t fool most kids. They know when they’re great, when their product and effort are great. And, they know when it isn’t.
So, be “spot on” when you comment about their performance.
Before you start talking, quickly evaluate the situation and determine which comments you can make that are actually true. Be truthful or you’ll lose credibility later.
When it comes to things that they enjoy, simply comment on your observation, don’t praise them. The activity is already rewarding to them and if you praise them on top of that enjoyment, their internal motivation is likely to be undermined.
It’s called the overjustification hypothesis! We have a name for everything!
As parents, we feel a need to comment on all that kids do, so stop it!
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Topic - Drugs and Alcohol. Do you tell your kids about your drug and alcohol use when you were younger?
The answer is “No”. The mistakes you made are not their business.
What is important is that you deliver a strong message against cigarettes, alcohol, marijuana and other drugs.
Of course, if you are drinking, smoking and blowing weed currently, the message will not be convincing. It is convincing if you live the choices you preach.
If you express regret over having indulged, your children will not have as strong an antidrug position than if you did not tell them.
So go ahead. Tell them the negative consequences of using. Tell them exactly how you will handle it if you find out they are using. Write up a statement of consequences for them to sign.
Considering that the timeline from recreational use to dependence and abuse is only 3 months, I doubt that you’d be willing to lose your kid to drugs by taking a soft and friendly approach.
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Topic - Night Light Colors. Ask any interior designer and they’ll tell you that color plays a major role in how people feel about a room.
Believe it or not, the same theory applies to your nightlight.
When a variety of light bulb colors were used, it was found that either no light or a dim red light produced fewer depressive symptoms than other colors.
Light actually penetrates the eyelids and influences the brain structures that make decisions.
If you wake up in a “bad mood”, you may end up compromising your ability to make healthy decisions. You may reach for a doughnut or pizza instead of veggies and whole grains which, in turn, will add to your misery.
A completely blackened room is best, but for children, they need the comfort of a light. A dim red bulb is best for inducing the highest quality sleep and the most positive attitude the following morning.
It’s a small issue, of course, by why not control the controllable?
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Topic - Vulnerable to Bullying. Chronic bullying leads to depression, loneliness, low self-esteem and substance abuse.
Several key factors predict a child’s risk of victimization: being physically aggressive, harsh parenting methods and poverty, but the best predictor was physical aggression.
If a child is aggressive at age 2 years, he’s at highest risk. At 2½ years, there’s a lot of physical behavior, but most kids adjust socially by using verbal skills to negotiate peacefully.
Aggressive kids don’t develop these skills and their aggression turns in on them; they withdraw into shyness.
Shyness, the inability to advocate for themselves, difficulty regulating their behavior and problems developing healthy relationships make them attractive targets for social predators.
Identify these traits in your child, change your parenting style and help them develop the verbal skills needed to build friendships. Don’t let them become victims.
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Topic - Criminal Minds. Years of research into criminal behavior has revealed that criminal minds are different.
Parts of their brains are 18% smaller than typical brains. Deformities are seen in the amygdala which is the seat of emotions.
Behaviorally, at age 3 years, they have a distinct lack of fear. From ages 7 to 12, they have a tendency toward callous and unemotional behavior that make them vulnerable to criminal behavior which isn’t necessarily permanent.
Omega 3 fatty acids help support brain growth which may reduce the kind of brain deformities that are associated with criminality.
If your child demonstrates behaviors related to fearlessness and being unemotional, develop a loving relationship with them. Children who are fearless and resistant to punishment fare better if they have close relationships with their parents.
Relationship-based discipline for these children is more effective than the punishment-reward type.
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Topic - ADHD Brain Development. Brain development is delayed in those with Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder.
The areas involved in thinking, attention and planning mature an average of 3 years later than non-ADHD brains. The outer layer of the ADHD brain matures at age 10½ while the non-ADHD brain matures at 7½.
The most serious lag is in the prefrontal cortex, the area behind the forehead, where executive functioning skills come from.
Executive functioning includes monitoring thinking, planning and organizing, managing time and materials, shifting gears, refraining from saying and doing inappropriate things, starting tasks and using working memory.
While the thinking parts of the brain develop slowly, the motor areas develop quickly resulting in restlessness.
The cases of ADHD are increasing globally and one-third of children continue to have symptoms into adulthood.
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Topic - Video Games and Metabolic Syndrome.Computer and video game playing leads to obesity causing metabolic syndrome.
Metabolic syndrome is a cluster of conditions including high blood pressure, high blood sugar and cholesterol and abdominal fat. These conditions together increase the risk of heart disease, stroke and diabetes. You may not notice until serious problems set in.
If you eat fried food, primarily meat and breads and drink a soda daily, you’ve got a 34% greater risk of metabolic syndrome.
Diet sodas contribute to the syndrome because they taste sweeter than real sugar. After a while, sugar and fruit don’t taste sweet.
Artificial sweeteners affect your body just like sugar. Eating sugar starts the fat storage process leading to weight gain.
Combat metabolic syndrome, get your kids moving and slowly introduce a healthier diet.
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Topic - Sleep Debt. Ever hear yourself saying that you’re going to catch up on your sleep this weekend?
You can catch up on your sleep debt.
A large sleep debt can cause dangerous levels of mental and physical fatigue. There are two types: partial and total sleep deprivation.
Partial deprivation occurs when you get too little sleep for days or weeks and total deprivation happens when you stay awake for days.
The invention of the light bulb caused an immediate national sleep debt!
Six nights of sleep deprivation can be offset by three nights of catch-up sleep. Unless you sleep regularly, you’ll be bouncing from one unhealthy state to another.
If you missed 10 hours of sleep last week, add 4 hours to the weekend and 2 extra hours nightly the following week until you’ve repaid the debt.
If you have a large debt, schedule a vacation with few obligations. Turn off the alarm and sleep until you naturally wake up.
Change your ways to avoid sleep debt.
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Topic - Teens Brains. They don’t know it, but teenagers remodel the wiring in their brains during adolescence in ways that change how they process emotional information and interpret reward and punishment.
During the teen years, their brains make them more sensitive to reward, more easily aroused emotionally and more attentive to social information.
Rewards like money and food feel more rewarding to them. Part of their brains light up when they realize other teens think they’re cool.
But while the social-emotional system is changing rapidly, the cognitive control system is moving slowly which gets them into trouble.
It’s the cognitive control system that governs decision making, so teenagers’ behavior is driven by rewards no matter what those rewards are.
Impulsivity makes them take chances. Having peers observe them doubles their chances of taking risks.
It’s important to know your teenagers’ friends. If your son is trying to get their attention, make sure it’s for healthy reasons.
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Topic - Babies & Their Senses. Babies’ motor skills aren’t well-developed, but they offset their weaknesses with strengths in sensory skills.
Newborns have limited visual acuity that rapidly improves in a few days to see shapes clearly. They prefer faces and at one month can tell Mom’s face from others.
At 2-3 months, they see color and at 6 months, their depth perception and visual acuity is close to that of an adult.
In terms of hearing, during the final months in the womb, they can hear sounds and a newborn’s hearing is only a bit less sensitive than an adult’s. Within days of birth, they prefer human voices over noise, and can recognize Momma’s voice!
They have all 4 tastes, but prefer sweet! Infants respond to nasty odors the first days of life and can discriminate between 2 odors just days after birth.
Don’t make the mistake of thinking your baby isn’t paying attention. She’s using all of her senses to take it in.
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Topic - Babies' Cries. Babies’ first way to communicate is by crying.
They have three distinct cries: the basic cry, the pain cry and the “I’m really mad cry”.
By the time an infant is only three weeks old, they cry for attention.
It’s a very powerful form of communication because it causes an increase in heart rate, electrifies the skin and increases overall physical arousal in both parents and non-parents alike.
The strength of the adult response is determined by the type of cry. The pain cry is the most unpleasant of all and causes the greatest level of distress in parenting adults. Predictably, first time parents respond with the greatest level of intensity.
Unpredictable and uncontrollable noises cause the most stress. Barking dogs and crying babies fit this category. Both make you act.
You can’t just roll over and go back to sleep. So, change baby’s diaper and give her a snack. Bring in the dog and go back to sleep!
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Topic - Sibling Harmony. Brothers and sisters getting along. Sibling harmony.
A dream, right? Not necessarily.
Children who are close in age and are the same gender fight more than others. When one child is highly active and emotionally intense, there’ll be more conflicts.
As parents, if you have inconsistent discipline and respond in a punishing instead of a teaching way, there’s gonna be trouble.
You can’t treat kids the same because they are unique people. Sit them down and explain that to them.
In middle childhood, from ages 6 to 10 or so, there’ll be closeness and conflict. They’ll fight less in late childhood when peer relationships take top priority.
Fighting peaks in early teens and then declines. If you intervene too much, they won’t learn how to resolve conflicts. They’re practicing on each other.
So, do the best you can to survive. Lay down the rules and stick to them! They’ll eventually grow up and forget these times. Don’t wear yourself out.
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Topic- Peer Pressure and Brains. The part of the brain responsible for making the big decisions about smoking, drinking and taking drugs doesn’t mature until the early-to-late 20s which leaves lots and lots of time to make big mistakes, probably life-altering mistakes.
Peer pressure situations involve “hot cognition”, those emotionally-based reactions so typical of teenagers whereas “cold cognition” is the rational, non-emotional way of responding.
Dealing with peers is the leading source of stress and kids these days are leaned on to comply in multiple ways because of the “group think” dynamic. They forget to look out for themselves.
Teach them ways to make a “no” response funny. “My parents are crazy. If I do this, I’ll be grounded for life” goes a long way toward getting out of shady situations.
Teach them refusal skills. Teach them to be assertive, stand tall, look others in the eye and to rate all of their options. Practice with them regularly. Good luck!
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Topic - Mom's Past Drug Use and Pregnancy. A mother’s past drug use matters.
When a mother uses drugs, the remnants, called the “mother lode”, remain in her body and impact her children and grandchildren.
How is that possible?
The illicit drugs cause her children’s brains to be less sensitive to dopamine. Dopamine excess and deficiencies are related to Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder, schizophrenia and substance abuse.
Women who anticipate becoming pregnant should refrain from even sporadic, recreational use of drugs for at least 3 years before conceiving because the drugs are stored in her fat.
Once pregnant, those fat stores are released and the drugs flow out into her bloodstream and into baby’s brains.
Initial problems can be seen in colic, sleep, and overactivity. As they grow, these children don’t get along well in preschool situations.
Think ahead about your baby when you make the decision to use drugs.
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Topic - Spacing of Children and Autism. Children who are born closer than 36 months apart run a much greater risk of autism than those who are not closely spaced.
When children are born less than a year apart, the risk is greatest. Short-term pregnancy intervals are also associated with an increase in schizophrenia.
What can you do?
Because this increased risk of autism and schizophrenia is thought to be related to a depletion of essential nutrients such as iron and folate, make sure you’re getting enough of these critical building blocks.
Since these disorders are also related to mother’s high level of stress, anything you do to reduce your anxiety and keep adrenalin and cortisol, the stress hormone, from dumping, will help your baby have a healthier life.
Just because your children are closely spaced does not automatically mean they’ll have autism or schizophrenia. A variety of other factors such as a family history of developmental and mental health disorders impact the outcome.
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Topic - Children's Processing Speeds. In every classroom in America, there are the slow and deliberate Winnie the Poohs and the hyperactive Tiggers.
You have the kids who grasp ideas fast and complete assignments quickly and correctly and then, you have those who work slowly and carefully, but still get it right.
Unfortunately, there’s only one speed in the classroom.
If you work quickly, boredom sets in. If you work slowly, you get slammed for having late work and forever play catch up.
Because processing speed is a hard-wired phenomenon, you’ve got what you’ve got.
Schools can accommodate slower processing speed with extra time on tests and extended time for those long-term assignments, but they can’t give extra time for the overall load of the middle and high school curriculum.
People with slower processing speed fare better in college where they don’t have to be at school all day and have a load of homework every night.
Tell kids to hang on because school will get easier.
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Topic - Women Live Longer. The average life expectancy is now 79 years. But, a girl born today can live to 81 years about 5 years longer than boys. Why?
Men are biologically at a disadvantage from the time they’re conceived. Two and a half more boys are conceived than girls, but because they succumb to prenatal infection or other problems in the womb, many are lost.
Men take risks. Accidents are the third leading cause of death for men. Men’s frontal lobes, which deal with risk calculation, develop more slowly than women.
When compared to men, heart disease in women starts 10 year later because we’re protected by estrogen.
Women’s strong social connections reduce our chances of dying early. We girls reach out for help while men just stuff their stress.
Women outlive men by 10 years with the exception of married men who live longer and are healthier.
Help the men in your family lead healthier lives.
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Topic - Change: An Inside Job. You’ve heard of those people who win the lottery and go broke 5 years later. Wonder why that happens?
It’s because people take themselves wherever they go. If you have trouble managing a thousand dollars, you’re gonna have trouble managing a million.
Behavior patterns are tough to break. This is why cognitive behavior therapy is so very effective.
Basically, with cognitive behavioral therapy, thinking patterns are changed which lead to changes in behavior and emotions. It’s a goal-oriented, problem-solving approach that’s appealing because it makes sense.
It’s used to address a number of psychological and behavioral issues.
Life is an inside out job. Don’t think that a new dress, car or job is going to change you. You have to start with the guts of it all.
If you see yourself making the same mistakes over and over again, do something different. Find a cognitive-behavioral therapist who can help you make real changes. Find a better life.
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Topic - Chocolate and Memory. As if I needed another reason to love chocolate!
A new study found that a natural compound in cocoa, tea and some veggies can reverse age-related memory loss. A compound called flavanols improve the connections between brain cells by increasing blood flow.
Because flavanols are seen in very tiny amounts in the chocolate, you’d have to gorge on it in order to see a real difference.
Eating all of this chocolate might make you happy, but it will also make you fat!
As we age, we have more naturally-occurring memory loss and to offset that loss, we need to improve our diets and increase exercise. Keep up with your kids!!
Keeping the mind busy improves memory. Memory-related games and activities that cause us to use critical thinking and strategy skills enhance memory as we age.
Don’t wait until you start seeing signs of memory decline. Work crossword puzzles everyday or learn a new language. Spark your memory!
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Topic - Holding Kids Back A Grade. Retaining kids or holding them back a grade is a huge decision which can have lifelong impact. Get information before going forward.
Research indicates that kids who are held back in elementary school are 60% less likely to graduate from high school.
But why is this? Are academic, attentional or emotional problems interfering with learning? Was he held back and the reasons for the lack of progress never explored?
More of the same isn’t going to help.
Before deciding to retain your child, request that the district conduct an assessment. Make the request in writing. They have to honor it without more interventions or delays and give you an assessment plan within 15 days of your request.
Just as ADHD medication is not a quick fix, neither is retention. If you retain your child, consider transferring them to another school to avoid the social “hit”.
Understand the risks and benefits before deciding.
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Topic - Teen Dating Abuse. Domestic abuse is not just for adults, though adult abuse patterns often start during adolescence.
20% of high school females report sexual or physical abuse, but both males and females can be victims.
Boys injure girls more frequently and severely. Teens don’t realize they’re being abused because it happens slowly and often, the abuser uses the “love” excuse for gaining control.
Teach your tennager about abuse behaviors such as “he tells your daughter he cannot live without her”, threatens harm if she breaks up with him, is jealous and controlling of where she goes and who she sees and constantly checks up on her.
If your son is worried about how his girl will react to what he says or does, or if he thinks twice about expressing himself, watch out.
If your kid is worried about his safety in this relationship, they’re already in trouble. Speak up, protect them. Don’t be a statistic. Dating abuse can affect their lives for years to come.
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Topic - Hippocampus. When I asked my student, “What is the hippocampus?”, he confidently stated, “It’s where hippos go to school!”
Brilliant and hilarious! It’s actually a part of the brain where memories are housed and it has nothing to do with hippos, but more to do with seahorses!
Hippocampus is the Latin term for seahorse. Toward the back of the brain, two seahorse-shaped structures face each other to create the memory organ, the hippocampus, which is responsible for forming new memories.
It serves as a memory organizer by sending memories to other parts of the brain for long-term storage and retrieval “on demand”.
It also has a role in spatial orientation, navigation and emotional responses.
Considering how important this one brain structure is, make sure you protect your brain. Don’t engage in dangerous behavior that will damage it. If you do, you run the risk of losing your memories.
Your memories define you. Be careful!
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Topic - Boys Have More Problems Than Girls. Why are 4 times as many boys as girls diagnosed with autism and 2-3 times more likely to be diagnosed with ADHD?
The real answer is that males develop differently in the womb than girls.
Think of brain development as a straight line. While females’ brains move along this straight line without interruption, boys have a lot of zig-zags.
At about 6 weeks after conception, boys’ brains are flooded with male hormones that cause the zig-zags. If the brain “overshoots a street”, there’s no making a U turn.
The brain continues on a course that leads to ADHD, dyslexia, language processing disorders and learning disabilities.
Boys are frequently larger at birth and more difficult to deliver.
Be aware of the potential difficulties your son may have just because he’s a boy!
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Topic - Don't Give Up Mom and Dad! Parents often feel they aren’t making a dent in their kid’s behavior. Don’t give up, Mom and Dad.
Even though you think Jared isn’t paying attention when you tell him how to shake an adult’s hand while looking her straight in the eye, repeated reminders will “take”.
When Jared is introduced to your boss, he will give a firm handshake, a strong, “How do you do?” while looking her straight in the eye. You will fall down.
It’s true it takes 100 times and on the 101st time you guide him, he’ll get it.
But remember, parents are farmers. We plant seeds again and again and eventually, see the harvest.
Many times, kids really “hear” the message when someone else tells them. Uncle Tony may say the exact same words you’ve been preaching and Jared will say, “Uncle Tony said that I should look a guy in the eye when I am shaking his hand. You know, it’s a guy thing, Mom”.
Again, don’t fall over. Just be glad the message got through.
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Topic - Making Pudding. Who doesn’t love pudding? It’s easy to make and yummy.
Making pudding, can teach Daryl a lot. There’s a sequence to be followed.
Get the materials, prepare the work space and review the directions.
He’ll learn about measuring, how to handle the carton of milk, the kind of pan to use, the amount of heat necessary to bring the milk to a boil and how to move the cooked pudding to a dish.
Wow! Look at the amount of learning that goes on in this simple process. It’s experiential in nature, so he’ll learn quickly.
Daryl will learn a wide variety of adaptive skills that allow him to be independent. A benefit to making simple foods is that parents spend fun time with kids and the results are delicious.
Daryl sees the result and there’s no question he was competent.
This authentic success is powerful because Daryl sees it for himself. He doesn’t have to be convinced by adults he’s capable.
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Topic - Prime, Prompt, and Prepare. Every day Max goes to school, his teachers prime, prompt and prepare him to listen.
They remind him of the previous day’s lesson to improve his foundation of knowledge and “learning how to learn” skills.
Follow his teacher’s lead. Prepare Max to listen to you.
Get his attention, introduce the topic and get right to the point without over-talking. He’ll trust you to not waste his time.
Connect the skills Max is learning to the ones he’s mastered. For example, when learning to assemble a model airplane, connect it to the sequence he uses to make a frozen pizza.
Get out the materials and follow the directions step-by-step.
By connecting new skills to mastered skills, confidence is improved. A template, or recipe so to speak, is created.
This process reinforces the 3 Ps of prime, prompt and prepare. As kids move through life, this sequence will become automatic.
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Topic - Dealing with Unfinished Tasks. Why do television series leave you hanging at the end of a season? Why do we get that uneasy, nagging feeling when something hasn’t been finished?
These intrusive thoughts about the “to do” list are related to the Zeigarnik effect.
In 1920, Russian psychologist, Dr. Zeigarnik saw waiters remembering complex orders and once the order was delivered, the information vanished!
Her follow-up research proved that unfinished jobs are remembered while completed jobs are “deleted” from the mind.
How do I deal with that nagging brain of mine? Finish what you start.
Use the timer technique.
Set a timer for 25 minutes, work intently, record your progress, take a 5-minute break and repeat. Take a 15-20 minute break after the 4th work period.
You’ll have amazing productivity and your mind will stop nagging you!
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Topic - Seeing Writing Mistakes. Wonder why Andy keeps making the same mistakes over and over? Why can’t he proofread his work? He’s just so careless about the details. What can I do to help him?
The problem is not just Andy’s. The Pragnanz Syndrome is the culprit.
People of all ages struggle with this because we “see” what we “intended” to write, not what we actually wrote. That’s the Pragnanz Syndrome.
The brain does an “autocorrect” just like a computer. Big surprise there! Where do you think software engineers got the idea to autocorrect spelling and other writing errors?
Help Andy to understand how his brain works. Offer to proofread his work if he’s tired and it’s late.
Ask him to use a notecard to go line by line. If he uses a notecard to help him focus, line by line, on the words instead of the meaning of the sentences, he may “see” his mistakes. Try it yourself!
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Topic - Most Important Six Years. The 9 months of pregnancy impact your child for the rest of their lives.
From birth to 4 years, your child’s experiences develop their mind and foundational skills.
The next 6 years, from kindergarten through 5th grade, determine their educational success.
Foundations, by their very nature, carry the load. It’s the same with buildings and people.
If your child is struggling in school during the elementary years, find out the “why” behind the “what”. Why are they struggling with reading, math or getting their work turned in? Why can’t they keep up?
It sure isn’t going to get any better in middle school with 6 classes, 6 different teachers and hours of homework every night.
Middle school is a time of intense social, physical, intellectual and sexual growth. These additional changes create serious stress for your child.
Control the controllable. Find out what’s going on. Take steps to help your child work to their potential.
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Topic - Girls and Language. This idea about females having greater language skills because we have a larger left brain may not be the whole story.
One of the reasons that girls are more competent with language skills is related to having 30% more FOX P2 protein than boys.
Our talking drives you “men of few words” crazy. But research shows that men actually talk more than we do, but their conversations are more focused around shared interests which is how their relationships develop.
Women’s relationships are based on verbal skills. Women more readily speak in public than men which contributes to our reputation as talkers.
Ancient men spent their days hunting for food and we girls spent ours in the caves caring for infants. Nothing new there. Infants vocalized and we vocalized back and now, women are the goddesses of language while men are stronger with robust visual skills.
When your daughter talks on and on, be understanding, she can’t help it, it’s her neurology!
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Topic - Kids' Grades Are Contagious. Grades are “contagious” in high schools.
That makes sense, right? If your kid’s friends earn strong or poor grades, their academic behavior will influence your kid’s performance.
School success is about more than just smarts.
Students who do well enjoy learning which means they probably have at least average intelligence, are well-organized enough to get their work done, have mastered the basics of time management, are interested in and invested in doing well, and have sufficient foundational skills to handle assignments.
They respect themselves and others.
The people around you influence how you learn and behave. When an inmate is paroled, they are told to stay away from criminals, people who use drugs and their former friends.
Teenagers do not have fully developed brains or enough life experience that allow them to make good decisions. Having responsible friends can make or break their futures.
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Topic - Stomach Aches and Anxiety. Kids with chronic stomach aches that have no underlying medical cause may really have something going on after all.
When a large group of kids with stomach aches were studied, half of them developed anxiety and depression that persisted into adulthood even though their gut pain disappeared.
Anxiety causes adrenalin to flood the bloodstream which enters the stomach causing nausea and a bitter taste in the mouth. Anxiety also contributes to constipation.
Since kids don’t know how to describe their anxiety, they manifest those feelings in physical discomfort. They only know that their stomachs hurt, but can’t explain anything else.
Children are great observers of life, but don’t correctly interpret the events they experience.
All behavior has a purpose. Explore the reasons behind Brandon’s tummy aches. If you ask him directly, he might not confess to anything out of fear, confusion or shame. Ask indirect questions to get information.
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Topic - Babies Know More Than You Think. So, you think your 8-month old baby knows nothing? Think again.
Remarkably, infants as young as 8 months choose “good” over “bad” behavior.
Babies were shown four different scenarios using animal puppets. After a series of interactions, they were asked to choose their favorite puppets and they actually chose the puppets who were mean to the bad characters.
Now, understand that 8 month-old babies typically can crawl across the room and pick up a toy! How is it that they’ve figured out the difference between the “good guys” and the “bad guys”, so to speak?
I mean, they have such limited cognitive skills and are just now starting to speak!
It’s about empathy. They may feel an adrenalin rush from witnessing a threat and they don’t like it.
Be careful about the interactions you have in front of baby. Don’t make the mistake of thinking that babies can’t have sophisticated emotions. They see and feel more than you know.
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Topic - Teen Dating Violence. One-third of America’s teen reports they’ve been victims of dating violence and another third confess they’ve been violent towards a date.
Several thousand teens were asked about their experiences with relationship violence including physical, sexual, psychological or emotional abuse.
Twenty-nine percent of the teens questioned admitted to being both the perpetrator and the victim of dating violence. This is a stunning amount of teenagers involved in dangerous relationships.
Pay careful attention to physical signs of abuse and a change in your teen’s behavior and emotional state.
Don’t ask if they’re being abused. Ask if they’re being intimidated, threatened, coerced or stalked.
They may not know “what” is happening to them and may have been groomed to tolerate minor incidences.
Seek protection first and then, therapeutic support. These situations do not resolve on their own. Don’t wait. Take immediate action.
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Topic - What Mom Eats Affects Baby Doctors aren’t kidding when they say you are what you eat. But, what they don’t say is that you, Momma, can make your children what you eat.
Let me explain.
Research conducted at the University of Florida’s Brain Institute revealed that rats that ate high-fat or high-sugar diets gave birth to babies that weigh more as adults and drank more alcohol.
The rat babies also had stronger responses to commonly abused drugs such as amphetamines.
Other research has shown us that when mother drinks alcohol, babies have a “taste” for it. After all, it’s how they were trained in the womb, right?
Recent studies have addressed the issue of the “mother lode”. Women who use drugs or took medications within 3 years of conceiving may pass some of those drugs onto their babies.
Women have more fat than men and toxins are stored in fats.
The more information you have, the healthier your baby will be both now and forever.
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Topic - Bullying Effects. In a large study spanning 14 years, we learned that 20% of kids who were chronically bullied were later convicted of crimes compared with 11% of kids who weren’t victimized.
Many kids who were repeatedly bullied from childhood through their teens ended up in prison as adults.
It’s my opinion that anti-bullying programs don’t work, but are more public relations than anything else. Because we’re not really serious about bullying, bullies and their victims end up with serious lifelong consequences.
Kids who bully are depressed, anxious, possibly sociopathic or sadistic.
The bullied kids end up depressed, angry and ready to seek revenge on others who can be victimized.
Because bullying cripples their development, they have few coping skills.
Demand that your school take serious action to help bullies and their victims.
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Topic - Personality and Smell. Sometimes researchers just wanna have fun. They asked 60 people to wear t-shirts for 3 nights and then collected them.
People actually volunteered to smell the shirts and guess how the people who wore them, called the donors, rated on the major personality traits.
Believe it or not, by smelling the stinky t-shirts, the volunteers correctly predicted the donors’ scores on both extroversion and neuroticism tests.
Ever have the experience where someone just gave you “the creeps”? Well, pay attention.
The sense of smell is the only sense that is wired directly into the brain and doesn’t go through any relay stations. This is because ancient man needed to smell fire from a distance, and know when food was rotten.
When something “stinks”, pay attention to your instincts and get away. Chances are, the person is “rotten”, if you know what I mean.
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Topic - Mother's Mental Health. Mother and child have an intimate relationship and one’s health impacts the other.
Research now tells us children born to women with depression at some point before and/or after giving birth had slower development for several months.
Considering that the first few months sets the stage for mastering critical skills, these few months are important.
If babies’ development slows down, they become less engaged with others and less interested in their surroundings which impact their attention, development of language and social skills. They’re less responsive when others try to play with them.
They’re likely to be fussing at feeding times and have irregular sleep patterns.
These behaviors interfere with their initial relationship with and attachment to mother who may become impatient with baby and not look forward to interacting with him.
Momma, pay careful attention to your emotional state because it affects not only you!
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Topic - Premature Birth and Autism. Children with autism have heavier brains with 67% more brain cells in the area behind the forehead than kids without autism.
These neurons are produced before birth and their larger numbers may be linked to autism and prematurity.
Ten percent of babies born before to 33 weeks and who have very low birth weight which is defined as less than 3 pounds, 5 ounces, had autistic behaviors at age 11. But why is it this way?
Prematurity influences later brain development in terms of cognition and attention.
Without attention, competent thinking and language skills don’t develop. As a result, competent social skills don’t develop which impact relationships with peers.
Understand and minimize your child’s risks of being born too early and of having prematurity-related autistic behaviors.
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Topic - Childhood Trauma and Life Spans. Let’s face it, the world is a mess and children are usually the victims.
We know that it doesn’t take a war to harm a child’s fragile life.
Children 6 years and older who experience traumatic events have an average lifespan that’s 19 years shorter than kids who don’t have those experiences.
They’re also twice as likely to die by age 65 than others.
Emotional, physical, or sexual abuse and even a dysfunctional household can cause this decline in life expectancy.
Stressors build up, leading to difficulties with emotional control which then affects the way kids think and develop.
Even a single dose of stress negatively affects brain development and impacts the functioning of multiple organ system.
Early stressors alter the hormonal systems and reduce immunity to disease.
The younger the child, the more vulnerable they are to the effects of trauma. Keep kids safe.
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Topic - Senioritis. In America’s schools, the senior year has been based on the 19th century premise that 80% of students would return to the farm. Obviously, that’s no longer the case.
By the time kids reach their senior year, they’ve had it with school. Their lack of focus and difficulties making decisions appear in the fall and by spring, they’ve succumbed to dreaded senioritis.
Both high achievers and kids who struggle suffer the same. Seniors feel entitled to down time.
Many districts realize the senior year is a waste of time. So, they offer dual enrollment program in colleges or internships.
The second semester of the senior year is a waiting room for the next stage of life and it’s ripe for bad behavior.
More than 50% of college freshman require remedial coursework once they’re in college. Perhaps more time can be spent making sure that students are actually prepared for college instead of wasting time.
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Topic - Shyness. In a world that doesn’t seem to be able to stop talking, introverts have power.
Introversion is not shyness. Introversion is innate, but shyness is influenced by the environment.
30% of people are introverted. Shyness is a form of anxiety and shy people avoid social situations.
Introverts aren’t afraid; they just prefer not to engage. Their relationships are deep and rewarding. They’re better at listening, are cautious, deliberate and make smarter decisions. They’re also better gamblers!
Extroverts are like addicts, constantly seeking stimuli.
Caution must be taken to not socialize quiet kids. There’s nothing wrong with them.
Parents, don’t fret over your quiet child. Sensitive encouragement helps them to socialize comfortably.
If you’re a parent with an extroverted personality, you may not enjoy a “good fit” with your child. Accept the differences. They’ll be just fine.
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Topic - Thyroid Issues. When I diagnose a child or teen with Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder or a mood disorder such as anxiety or depression, I ask parents to see a pediatric endocrinologist to make certain there are no thyroid issues.
Even mild levels of hypo- or hyper-thyroidism can cause behavior that looks like a mental health problem.
Hypothyroidism is related to fatigue, sluggishness, weight gain, inability to concentrate, memory problems and depression.
Hyperthyroidism speeds up metabolism and causes sweating, heart palpitations, weight loss and anxiety.
The incidence of thyroid disorders increases with age and treating it prevents a decline in brain functioning.
If you have these symptoms, don’t automatically think you’re depressed or anxious, check with your doctor to rule out or diagnose thyroid disorders. It’s a fairly easy diagnostic process and treatment.
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Topic - Naps. Children nap because “sleep pressure" develops quickly in their brains.
The need for sleep builds up so fast during waking hours that a nap becomes a physical necessity.
The intense activity that goes on in kids’ brains makes it hard for them to stay awake for long periods.
After the first year, two naps become one. By age 5, 80% of kids have given up naps.
Sleep patterns are consistent through age 10 when adolescence begins.
When kids stop taking naps, it means their nervous system has matured so they can stay awake longer.
Disorders such as Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder, autism, bipolar, colic, sensory processing and allergies affect a child’s healthy sleep patterns.
If your child is seriously impacted by sleep problems, keep weekly records and talk with your doctor.
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Topic - Ride Share For Kids. Communications get mixed, plans go wrong and there’s Henry, standing at the soccer field and it’s getting dark.
No one’s answering their phones. Susie’s at a party and things are getting wild. She’s scared.
If Henry and Susie had a rideshare app, they could get themselves home.
Consider arranging for access to a rideshare program such as Shuddle which is designed for kids and employs only female drivers. You can follow the icon as Susie is driven home.
I recommend the service be used only in the case of an emergency. It’s not ideal to have strangers pick up Henry, but when there are multiple kids in the family with intense schedules and none of them are old enough to drive and you’ve got no back-up with grandparents, what are your options?
You can only do what you can do. When your kid’s in trouble and needs to be extracted from a dangerous situation, which option is safer? Staying there or getting a rideshare?
Just something to consider.
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Topic - Multi Tasking and Electronics. Multi-tasking now moves at warp speed, but it’s not really multi-tasking, it’s rapid toggling.
Rapid toggling means you’re doing more than one thing, but you’re ordering them and deciding which one to do at any time.
The brain is easily bored and the neurotransmitter, dopamine, causes you to seek excitement. The brain has an insatiable appetite for action which allows you to perform one task while planning another!
But, the brain also needs recovery time.
When every quiet moment is filled with electronic stimulation, the brain becomes over-excited, making it hard to focus when you want to.
Electronic devices are an extension of kids, a “second self”. But, there are positives.
The online environment allows kids to experiment with their identity. Their intense schedules leave little time to socialize. For those who are socially unskilled, it’s less risky.
The online environment can be addictive. Monitor your child’s use and their access.
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Topic - Body Language. There’s a lot more to communicating than words.
Nonverbal communications may express more than you know and perhaps more than you want others to know.
During interactions, 93% of our attention is focused on body language and voice. We rely on these observations because they may have actually been our first communication.
Body language matters. If you have straight posture, solid eye contact, a smile, have a moderate to low voice, speak slowly and clearly and use purposeful and deliberate gestures, you will be seen as more attractive and your message will be heard.
If your body language is out of alignment with the message, people may be confused or not believe you.
Children are very keen observers of nonverbal communication. Don’t stand over them. It emphasizes your power over theirs. Make sure you have their attention and help them to be a meaningful part of the conversation.
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Topic - Healing and Coping. It’s an illusion to think that we heal. We heal from wounds, but there’s always some kind of scar.
What caused that scar on your hand? Was it a minor kitchen mishap or a violent assault? One is remembered, the other is not.
The media perpetuates this unrealistic goal of “healing” after a tragedy. Coverage of the 9-11 attacks led us to believe that life would go back to what it was because, isn’t that what healing means?
We do get on with life, not because of healing, but because we learn to cope with the events. The “distance of time” puts things in perspective.
The positives in life temper the pain and reshape our memory of the event. We’re changed, of course, but the direction of that change is influenced by our coping skills.
Get help.
Be inspired by those who have overcome. See a therapist or minister, go to a group to benefit from others. Don’t just stand there, do something!
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Topic - Happiness versus Satisfaction. Parents say they want their kids to be “happy”.
When I ask what “happy” looks like, they go for the obvious, being healthy, having friends, a job they like.
What they’re really saying is that they want their kids to be satisfied with life.
Considering the families into which we were born, our natural talent, our own progress, and luck, don’t forget luck, how are you doing?
Have your wishes been fulfilled? What about your expectations of life? Are your needs being met?
Satisfaction seems to be the base over which episodes of happiness occur. Happiness is an uptick in satisfaction.
It’s unrealistic to be happy most of the time. Take stock of “where” you are, make a plan to increase your level of happiness.
Steady, small steps result in real progress. What you learn about improving your own satisfaction will help you teach the kids to achieve happiness on their own.
When you are satisfied with your life, your kids will feel more secure and know that happiness is possible.
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Topic - Balloon Safety. Balloons are the most dangerous toys on the market today. 110 children have died from playing with balloons since 1973.
Despite numerous government warnings, many balloons are still marketed to young children and, yes, even to toddlers.
Children under 8 should not blow up balloons at all, ever! Suffocation happens when children inhale deeply to blow up the balloon and suck it into their throats.
Kids chew on discarded pieces or stretch pieces over their mouths to make bubbles.
Babies chew on balloons and they pop, exploding latex pieces into their throats when they gasp in response to the noise.
The problem is with the very nature of the latex used to make balloons. It forms perfectly over a child’s airway, so the Heimlich maneuver is not helpful.
Pediatricians recommend an oral sweep of the airway, but even then, the latex might be pushed deeper into the child’s airway.
Talk to your doctor about balloon safety.
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Topic - Left Handed Characteristics. Let’s face it. It’s a right-handed world!
10% of people are left-handed and being left-handed is only partly due to genetics.
If mother is exposed to extreme stress during pregnancy, the child is likely to be left-handed. Babies who are born to older mothers or have lower birth weights are likely to be left-handed.
There is no difference in IQs, but lefties are better at divergent thinking which is where you start problem-solving from existing knowledge and create new concepts.
They are more creative than us righties! Lefties’ salaries are 10% lower than righties and they run a greater risk of psychiatric disorders.
Fully 20% of schizophrenics are left-handed. Lefties are unique and celebrated.
August 13 is International Left-Handers Day! I wonder what Prince William, Angelina Jolie and Robert DeNiro do on left-handers’ day to celebrate!
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Topic - Technology and Our Brain. Multi-tasking causes a “squirt” of dopamine which is the neurotransmitter that allows us to deal with novelty and an ever-changing environment.
However, we are exposing our brain to an environment that it has not evolved to cope with.
Technology is quickly rewiring our brains.The constant incoming electronic information places stress on the brain.
We have an ever-increasing population of people who detect the slightest hint that something interesting might be going on and they respond to it. They just can’t ignore it. It’s like catnip.
The way we become more human is by paying attention to each other and digital information interferes with that by substituting electronics for voice.
The pace of electronic communication sabotages the development of relationships.
Our brains are adapting to the very addicting fast-paced digital world and its promise of immediate reward. This may not be a good thing! You are warned!
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Topic - Autistic Brain Differences. There are many reasons why children end up with an autistic neurology. One of those reasons is related to maternal age.
When Momma is older than 35, there is limited stretchiness of the blood vessels that provide oxygen and nutrients to the uterus. This may affect the oxygen flow to the right side of the brain.
Oxygen levels in the autistic brain are less synchronized causing other differences associated with the disorder.
These differences include having less mirror neurons that allow a child to mimic, resulting in social deficits.
A much larger frontal lobe, the area behind the forehead, is responsible for problems in shifting gears and using social judgment which undermines relationships.
These critical brain differences require intensive and individualized interventions. Serious problems deserve serious solutions.
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Topic - Middle Ear Infections and Obesity. Think that once your child outgrows those middle ear infections that it’s the end of it? No, it isn’t.
Actually, childhood ear infections can be related to weight gain in adulthood.
The chorda tympani, an important taste nerve, runs from the tongue up through the middle ear into the brain. When the middle ear is infected, the nerve gets damaged and the “non-taste” sensations such as the creaminess of fat is intensified and therefore, more pleasing.
The chorda tympani is responsible for the perception of taste at the front of tongue.
Monitor the frequency of ear infections. Not only will chronic otitis media impact your child’s speech development, reading and writing skills, but may have lifelong health implications, as well.
If your child’s pediatrician says that simple management of these infections isn’t enough, see the ear, nose and throat specialist for options for preventing them in the first place.
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Topic - Pregnancy and Diet. Everybody knows that when you’re pregnant, you’ve got to have a healthy diet. There’s more to it than that…
When Momma has a couple of drinks during the first 50 days after conception, it does the most damage to baby’s body. Oftentimes, Momma doesn’t know she’s pregnant, so be aware.
Eating too much during pregnancy makes infants crave fatty foods putting them at risk for obesity. Eating too little leads to deficits in brain development.
A deficiency of iron makes infants shy, fussy and less sociable.
Consuming biphenol-A through storing foods in certain plastic, or drinking water from plastic bottles is thought to be responsible for the doubling of urination problems in boys.
Eat real food. Avoid artificial sweeteners and too much of anything. Go for the balance.
Drink water. Drink water, and oh yeah, drink water.
You’ve got 40 weeks to give your baby the best chance for a healthy and successful life.
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Topic - First 9 Months. It’s scary. The first 9 months of your life can determine how well you adjust to the world.
We pass through more biological milestones before we’re born than any other time in our lives.
The fetus learns to prefer mother’s food, recognize her voice and is trained to the day-night cycle from her activity level.
If Momma is stressed, the fetus prepares to enter a harsh world and recalibrates itself to be on high alert for threats.
If she doesn’t eat well, the fetus prepares for a world of scarcity and may be born with organs that aren’t prepared to process fats and sugars resulting in diabetes.
Factor in an unlucky gene pool and a troubling childhood and you may become depressed, diabetic, schizophrenic or have heart problems.
Mother’s chronic stress creates emotional, behavioral and cognitive disorders. These 9 months may feel like “forever” to a pregnant woman, but they are “forever” to her baby.
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Topic - Sleep and Memory. Have you noticed how you struggle to recall words and even your phone number when you’re tired?
That’s because sleep actually cleans up the files in your memory system and organizes them for easy retrieval.
The memory system has multiple layers. Working memory holds information until it can be processed. Data is moved to short-term memory where it is held for several seconds to a minute and then, into long-term memory.
Episodic memory holds the events of your life and procedural memories are the “recipes” for getting things done.
Sensory memory holds information for a very brief period of time, perhaps 3 seconds.
If you want to truly store information in your memory, review it for brief and frequent periods. Reviewing class notes daily is more effective than “cramming” all night for a test.
Reviewing or practicing causes neurons to connect. Basically, neurons that fire together, wire together for automatic recall of information.
Get some sleep to improve your memory.
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Topic - Child Depression. Ten percent of children experience the effects of their mother’s depression in the first years of life. This leads to profound consequences.
Because depressed mothers don’t consistently interact with their babies, the natural joy and enthusiasm of the infant is dampened.
The baby doesn’t have the cognitive skills to understand their intense feelings of fear and rejection. The feelings go unresolved and reduce the baby’s coping skills and impact their cognitive and social development.
Unresolved sadness becomes pervasive and possibly lifelong. The physical stress on the hormonal system and cardiac functioning makes them vulnerable to physical illness.
Post-partum depression, other mental illnesses and health conditions may keep Momma from fully engaging with baby.
So, if Momma is struggling in that first year after birth, act quickly to avoid long-term consequences.
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Topic - Know It All Kids. “I know, I know; you don’t have to tell me.” Know it all kids exasperate even the most seasoned parent and teachers.
You’ve seen these kids…they’re bright, always talking, refuse to be told anything.
They feel superior to others, are usually loners and are intense. This child ruins events for everyone with their need to control.
It’s tough to feel kindly toward these kids. They’re obnoxious. They don’t learn from their failures and so, their social skills don’t improve.
They may be mistaken as having Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder, so having a comprehensive assessment can target the reasons for the behavior.
These kids may be suffering from anxiety and use their strong verbal skills to control through conflict. They have very few other ways of engaging others in a healthy fashion because giving up control creates anxiety.
Avoid arguing with them; you won’t win and they learn nothing. Take charge now.
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Topic - Don't Let Life Wear You Out. Mom always said, “It’s a great life if you don’t weaken”.
I watched her put her “world views” into action when my 19-year old brother was in Vietnam. Many times, casualty officers would arrive at our door with the latest gruesome news of him being shot down, missing in action, prisoner of war and yes, returning the wrong body to us on one occasion.
She taught us not to get emotionally involved until there was something to actually cry about.
“Don’t let life wear you out. You won’t have energy for the good times”, she warned.
“Don’t take life personally” especially when the behavior of others slops onto you.
“Wait for the whole puzzle”. She cautioned about jumping to conclusions and catastrophic thinking when there was so little information.
“Sit back and wait for the lesson to be revealed.”
She modeled for us the valuable tools I use today.
Being “emotionally practical” teaches your children to regulate their emotions so they can use their intelligence to develop coping skills.
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Topic - Anyone Can Change Our Lives. When Maya Angelou died, I read one of her most powerful quotes. She cautioned us to be aware of how anyone, at any time, can change our lives.
There’s a local homeless man who I regularly give a bit of cash to and one day, he badly needed a hat. I asked my husband to find one.
He went to the garage to look in our box of hats for one that would protect the man. And, there they were, not the hats mind you, but several heirloom items left to my husband by his grandfather.
He had been cleaning them for storage when workers were in our home and he quickly put them out of sight. He forgot where and grieved for several years over his carelessness.
GrandDad had so little, and now, his grandson had even less of him. Until the homeless man.
This homeless man gave my husband a precious gift that no one else could have given him.
I shared with him what he had done for us. He smiled and never spoke. He left our area with a well-stocked cart.
The lesson is obvious.
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Topic - Grades Are Not The Only Thing. Not everything that counts can be counted and not everything that can be counted, counts. Einstein was a great observer of life.
Now, think about Brian’s grades. Grades represent the work that is counted.
Unfortunately, the fact that Brian is a responsible guy who always does his best, cooperates with family, is respectful to teachers and kind to classmates doesn’t seem to be factored into his grades.
But, these behaviors count for so much more in real life.
I have students with serious learning disabilities. Even with a lot of help, their best effort earns them Cs.
Once I explain to them the cause of their grades and focus on their behaviors that will lead them to being successful adults, they relax.
I explain Einstein’s quote. They get it.
We talk about their dreams and realistic options for the future. They relax. They know they’ve got what is “really takes” to be independent.
It’s not about the grades.
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Topic - Reading to Toddlers. Toddlers need to learn many new words so they can express themselves competently and learn to read.
Vocabulary development in toddlers is critical. They can learn new words and concepts from picture books.
Photos are the best depiction of an object. Cartoons will hold Sam’s attention, but they aren’t the most accurate.
Look for books with a few colorful pictures on each page.
Try these ideas:
Let Sam pick his own book from a group of 3 board books. Board books have thick pages; let him turn them. Pop-up books provide interest and fun!
Have Sam point to items you name and ask him “What’s this?” or “What is he doing?” to encourage language growth.
Point to your own mouth when you say a word. Sit across from Sam to watch how he makes the sounds. Repeat words so he can imitate you correctly.
Practice the sounds he has trouble with in order to develop coordination of his tongue, lips and cheeks.
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Topic - Ask What, Not Why. When you ask your child “Why?” they did something, you’re headed for trouble. They go into “defense” mode and give you a “because” answer.
Children and adults, for that matter, often don’t have insight into their motivations.
Ask “what” instead. “Why” focuses on the people involved. “What” focuses on the whole situation.
By asking the “what” question, you’ll get more information to help you “pull the thread” on the “why” and help Tom understand how he gets into trouble so much.
By helping him put together the sequence of events that led him to punch his sister, Tom might be able to make different choices next time.
You just might find out that sister Katie is deviously provoking him and setting him up for trouble. You may find that his social skills are truly lacking.
Make it easier for kids to evaluate their behavior and to have a positive outcome. They need to both learn about the reasons for their behavior and be accountable for it.
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Topic - Outgrowing Autism. Can you outgrow autism? Yes and no.
The formal diagnosis may not apply if a person with autism receives early and intensive intervention that reduces their symptoms. However, they’re likely to continue to outwardly manifest signs of the brain differences that caused the diagnosis in the first place.
They may not be able to control their anxiety which results in “odd behaviors” making them look different from others. It might be difficult to hide an awkward body posture and other movements.
Language therapy and relationship development intervention along with sensory therapy that reduces physical sensitivities can help them adjust to adulthood.
In our culture, idiosyncrasies in personalities aren’t as stigmatizing as they once were. Acceptance of differences allows those on the autistic spectrum to make a life for themselves that wasn’t possible even a decade ago.
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Topic - OTM OTM. OTM, OTM…On the mind, out the mouth. You know those folks who have a need to share everything they’re thinking.
For adults, it may be a sign of anxiety or Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder. For kids, it’s also a sign of ADHD or being verbally gifted.
It’s very annoying and exhausting to listen to their endless stream of ideas and opinions. There’s very little “back-and-forth”.
They’re “pressured” to keep talking and seem completely uninterested in anything you have to say. These kids and adults often suffer socially as others avoid them.
Some people talk aloud as they work through problems or even read. Oftentimes, they’re unaware of this need to “concretize” their thinking and once prompted, they’re able to keep silent while they work.
Those who suffer from “on the mind, out the mouth” are simply unable to control it. An evaluation will help determine the source of their difficulties. Interventions are necessary for healthy social relationships.
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Topic - Binge Drinking. A single episode of binge drinking can do more harm to your health than previously thought.
Binge drinking is defined as 5 or more drinks for men or 4 or more drinks for women in one sitting lasting 2 hours. 5 ounces of wine, 12 ounces of beer or 1.5 ounces of liquor qualify as a drink.
Increased risk of car accidents and behavior-related injuries are common among teens and adults who binge drink.
Long-term organ damage, especially to the liver is typical. A binge drinking episode can cause gut bacteria to die, releasing endotoxins which spike to levels that trigger immune cells to cause fever, inflammation and tissue death.
Females have higher levels of these circulating endotoxins than do men so binge drinking is more dangerous for females.
Teach your kids about the dangers of binge drinking and the life-long complications that can result.
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Topic - Cyber Bullying. Twenty-five percent of teens on the internet are being bullied.
Multiplayer online games such as Call of Duty account for more than one-fourth of this bullying.
It’s so prevalent that Microsoft developed a system that identifies the “jerks” and reduces their privileges, eventually, quarantining them to play only with other “jerks”.
Other ranking systems rate posts to determine if they cause harm. The problem with these approaches is that they don’t prevent initial attacks which cause catastrophic and permanent social and psychological damage.
Once a word is spoken, it cannot be taken back. Sticks and stones can break your bones, but words can break your heart and your spirit.
This is the case of technology outpacing social policy and a company’s ability to deal with those who cause harm. Oh, the unintended consequences.
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Topic - Healing versus Coping. Maybe it’s just a personal quirk, but when tragedy strikes and I hear people talking about “healing”, I think, “Yeah, that’s a crock of stuff. There’s no such thing as healing this kind of situation. All you can do is learn to cope”.
You can heal a body, but there are scars. Healing a broken heart, a devastated soul is a different story.
We now know that a broken heart is physically painful. Grief is physically painful.
The only way through it is to do it. You have to do the time so that the edges are a little less ragged and so that more meaningful events can come into view and life doesn’t seem so devastated.
You have to keep going until the sun comes up and a couple of flowers bloom and a butterfly or two zips past you and suddenly, life isn’t as bleak as it felt last week.
Is that hope I see popping up? Possibly, but don’t even think that you’ll heal. You can’t rewind life no matter how many times you hit that button.
Give yourself credit for coping with it all until you can breathe again.
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Topic - Parents' Alcohol Use. The drinking habits of parents affect their children’s alcohol use later in life, but now we know that father’s excessive drinking can influence his son’s drinking even before the boy is conceived.
Considering that 38 million Americans drink too much, the potential for a great many boys to end up with alcohol-related problems is real.
Whereas those sons may drink less alcohol and may actually prefer water to alcohol, they were much more vulnerable to the effects of alcohol on muscle control and its ability to reduce their anxiety.
Alcohol can change father’s normal genes into genes that influence alcohol use in their son’s only. Surprisingly, daughters are not affected.
Of course, alcoholism is determined by more than parents’ genes. More than 50% of all children of alcoholics don’t develop problems.
Be mindful of your drinking. Be aware of your son’s alcohol use and vulnerability. Teach him what he needs to know.
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Topic - Generalist and Specialist. I often say that life is a team sport and everyone plays their position. Well, that’s true in adulthood where we all seem to specialize in something.
Police officers do that one job; they’re specialists in being cops. They’re not cops on Monday and pilots on Tuesday.
Unfortunately for kids, from kindergarten through high school, they’re generalists.
They have to be proficient in many areas including science, history, English, physics, literature, chemistry and all levels of math. They have 6 classes a day and tons of homework at night!
Relief is on the way. When they get to college, they’ll have fewer classes that are spread out over the week. A syllabus on their first day outlines the exact requirements for each class.
It’s no wonder kids with learning issues perform more capably in college. The work load is reduced as they begin to specialize.
Many kids who struggle in school think college will be impossible. Tell them it just might be easier!
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Topic - 4 Big Questions. If you don’t teach your kids to ask the right questions, they’re not going to get the answers they need.
When I was a high school psychologist, I posted huge pieces of paper with useful information outside my office.
Crowds gathered so I moved the paper out into the hallway where informal discussions took place.
The most popular sheet was called “The 4 Big Questions”.
Question 1: “Is this healthy for me?”
2: “Can I live with the short-term consequences?”
3: “Can I live with the long-term consequences?” and
4: “Why is this person asking me to do this?”
My informal discussions went something like this: “Is having sex at this age healthy for you as a woman?” No and I’d explain why.
Can you live with the short-term consequences of him telling everybody you “did it”? What about getting pregnant and living with that decision for a lifetime? Why does he want you do to this? Well, duh.
Teach them the 4 Big Questions to keep them safe and healthy.
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Topic - RAN Parents. If they can’t come to you for the little things, why would your kids come to you for the big things in life?
We teach our kids to come to us by being R.A.N, Receptive, Approachable and Nonjudgmental.
Being receptive means you have time to really listen to them. You don’t act impatient when they approach you. Openly express that you’re available when they need you.
The approachable parent is one who acts as if their child is important, not an inconvenience. Their kid knows that, on most days, they rank in the top 3 of their parents’ attention and concern. These parents tell their kids the age-appropriate truth quickly and confidently. Their kids trust them.
Finally, these parents do not judge. They don’t minimize concerns or fears or tease their kids because of the questions they ask. Within the family, parents don’t make disparaging comments about others. Kids know they’re next if you act like this with others.
Keep your agreements to be there and be consistent. You and your kid will reap the rewards.
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Topic - Imagination. “Logic will get you from A to Z; imagination will get you everywhere”.
Bingo! That’s the essence of it all and Albert Einstein knew it. He understood that the ability to “dream up stuff” is everything.
Considering the entire realm of possibilities is the essence of genius. How do we encourage imagination?
Einstein’s approach involved fairy tales. “If you want your children to be intelligent”, he said, “read them fairy tales. If you want them to be more intelligent, read them more fairy tales”.
Fairy tales and stories of fantasy like Harry Potter spark the imagination and encourage children to be creative and gives them permission to let their minds soar. It helps them to make unique connections between concepts which could lead to inventions or cures!
Don’t underestimate the serious benefit of your child’s silly fairy tales.
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Topic - Cool Kids. The “cool kids” in middle school may be more vulnerable to problems with relationships and drugs in adulthood than the well, “not cool kids”.
At 22, the cool kids are less competent with managing relationships and are involved in more criminal activity and substance abuse than typical kids.
“Acting old for your age” in middle school is a better predictor of drug problems in adulthood than is actual drug use in middle school. If young teens try to make friends by acting cool, basically playing a role, they end up being less skilled socially because they didn’t learn healthy ways of interacting.
They need to “up the ante” to impress their friends, so their behavior becomes more extreme prompting them to do drugs or commit crimes.
If your kid is legitimately cool for their personal strengths, don’t worry. If your child is willing to do whatever it takes to be popular, get help.
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Topic - Sleep. Scientists aren’t sure why we sleep. It may be a holdover from a time when we hibernated, but that’s about it.
So much about sleep makes no sense. Lions sleep 15 hours a night and giraffes only 5 even though the giraffes are the ones running for their lives at hunting time. And, how do migrating birds, who fly for days on end, sleep?
Sleep may have evolved to maximize animal’s use of time and helps them adjust to the environment.
We humans spend a third of our lives sleeping, a fact that is called nature’s biggest mistake. But wait! We’ve learned that sleep helps the brain to repair damage to its cells and that the memories of the day’s events are grouped together to make more sense of them.
Parents, if your child sleeps just after studying, he can recall the information more easily the next morning.
Sleep is important for physical health, cognitive functioning and behavioral stability, so get enough!
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Topic - Drinking While Pregnant. The connection between drinking alcohol and damage to the fetal brain was discovered in 1975.
Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorders are only caused by drinking alcohol while pregnant and is the one completely preventable cause of mental retardation.
Recently, it’s been suggested that a “little” alcohol is acceptable. “Don’t even think about it”.
Knowing that alcohol is toxic to your baby’s developing brain, do you want to, at some point, question if his behavior or learning problems are related to your one-time indulgence?
Fetal alcohol spectrum disorders are called this because the continuum of damage that is done depends on which day, yes, the day, your baby’s brain was exposed to alcohol, and how much you drank. What a crap shoot!
Retardation, learning disabilities and behavioral problems, big ones, result from drinking while pregnant. It’s 40 weeks. You can wait!
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Topic - Alcohol and Kids. People who identify themselves as alcoholics report they began drinking in their early teen years; they tapped their parents’ alcohol supply.
Nearly 20% of 14 year olds say they’ve been drunk at least once.
Early onset drinking is the first sign of other problems to come such as criminal activity, substance abuse and employment problems.
Talk with your children when everyone is relaxed. Make clear your zero tolerance policy for underage drinking. There’s no substitute for knowing your child and monitoring their activities.
Explain that they are vulnerable to alcohol abuse if there is a family history. Give them scientific facts, be prepared and unemotional.
Start when they are young and talk to them frequently, especially when they go out with friends on their own. Experience develops judgment.
They will make mistakes. Use these as teaching tools and avoid harshness.
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Topic - Divorce and Health. Divorce obviously disrupts family routines. The result can be weight gain in children, especially boys.
If mother returns to the work force, she may not have time to prepare healthy meals as she once did and father may rely more on fast food as his cooking skills may be limited. There may be less money to buy healthy foods.
Anxiety and disrupted sleep patterns may contribute to weight gain. Additionally, people under stress crave sweet and fatty foods and children have less self-discipline than adults which may contribute to their weight gain.
It would follow that if divorce impacts the weight of the children, the parents may also struggle. Less time for exercise and socialization because of increased demands can erode a stressed parent’s health.
Be aware of these subtle dynamics and their potential life-long implications. Childhood and early teen years can set the metabolic tempo for decades to come.
Keep an eye on your kids’ and your weight during divorce!
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Topic - Mean What You Say. They’re pretty sneaky in Vegas. They’re very aware of the power of the intermittent reinforcement schedule.
This is where they allow you to win every “now and then”. You can’t predict when you’ll cash in which makes you come back again and again despite the fact that you give more than you receive.
The reward centers of the brain don’t need to win frequently, just enough to keep the brain interested. A little “here and there” and you’re hooked.
It’s the same thing with parenting. If you tell your child no, absolutely no, never gonna happen and then you give in every “now and then”, guess what happens? Ah ha, a crack has opened up and now, Charles will try harder to get you to give in to him.
Now, you’re in trouble because you’ve just taught Charles that you don’t really mean what you say. This is not a lesson you want to teach him because when it comes to the “big ticket” issues, you’ll be parenting from a position of weakness.
The more you know, the more effectively you’ll parent.
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Topic - Nicknames. The only thing that everything has, is a name.
When you consider a name for your child, think about the nickname that may arise from it. Nicknames given by family and friends tend to last a lifetime.
If “Little Ray” is a bartender, then fine, but it’s not gonna work if he’s a dentist. Think about how Danny, Joey or Frankie is going to “fit” him when he’s a 6 foot 2 stockbroker who’s the father of three boys.
Children have a tendency to live up to their names and if their names have a childish sound to them, how might that impact their lives? Will it shape how Mikey sees himself?
Clearly, it’s up to you as parents to give them their names, but you might want to stick with the name you gave them and see if they want a nickname as they grow older. That way, it’s their choice.
You may find a struggle with grandparents who persist with using nicknames and it may just have to be that way! Ask Dan if it’s OK that Grandma calls him Danny. He may not mind!
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Topic - Going Away to College. When kids go away to college, a “necessary loss” phenomenon may occur.
A “necessary loss” is basically the trade-off for growth such as when the child is separated from the placenta. Going to college is actually the “birth of the adult”.
It is said that if your teen goes away to college “mad”, she’ll make a better adjustment than if she goes away “sad”.
Tina is likely to start fights over anything and her anger is a combination of anxiety and excitement. She’s coming out of her skin with the prospect of a new and exciting life.
Tina may also be sad that part of her early homelife is drawing to a close and she’s struggling with those sad looks she gets from you. So, if she snaps at you, remember how she clung to your leg the first day of kindergarten. You’re now seeing the “adult” version of that day.
Have confidence in her and you to make the adjustment and tell her so. It’s just the circle of life comin’ around again.
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Topic - Siblings Off To College. He sat in front of me as he worked through the reading test and suddenly, looked up with tears in his eyes and said, “My brother is going away to college and I’m gonna really miss him”.
His mother asked, “What can I do to help him? His big brother is everything to him”.
Since you can’t change the fact that big brother is going away, you can help Jeff.
Keep their connection going with frequent Skype or Face time during the adjustment period. Get a month-long whiteboard to schedule visits and the big events in brother’s college life so that Jeff can talk to him about them when he calls. Knowing when big brother is coming home will also help Jeff to manage his stress.
Let Jeff have his feelings. Reflect his feelings with phrases such as “It’s hard right now because we miss him so much. I’m so glad he gets to go to college”.
Don’t minimize his distress or try to talk him out of it. Jeff’s expressions are part of the process of accepting the inevitable. He’ll adjust.
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Topic - Parents With Illness. When a parent of a school-aged child is seriously ill, there are so many things to consider that life becomes a blur. Nearly everything is a top priority.
Kids need more than just food and shelter during these times. Depending on the developmental stage, they need more of you than ever before and you may be “spent”.
Get help immediately. Recruit friends and family to do the chores so you can spend “normal” time with your child. Tell everyone exactly what you need and when you need it. Keep a large, whiteboard calendar so you can organize your team.
Seek support from mental health specialists and faith-based resources to help you in communicating with your child regarding the more painful subjects and with processing their emotions as well as your own.
Hope for the best, but plan for the worst. If the condition is terminal, begin planning right away as intense emotions will compromise judgment later. Control the controllable.
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Topic - Kids Chronic Illness. About 15-18% of US children have chronic health conditions including asthma, the most common, diabetes, cancer, epilepsy, and heart problems.
These children have social and academic needs that are complicated by the medical conditions.
They are frequently absent from school for doctor’s visits. They may require treatment through the school day and have issues related to stamina, attention, cognition and anxiety.
Legally, they’re entitled to accommodations and support services that allow them to stay with their class and participate as meaningfully as possible.
Their classmates will have questions if the condition or treatment causes changes in appearance or behavior. Arrange for a brief classroom presentation about the issues and answer their questions. They may ask if cancer is contagious.
Give your child a “script” to respond to questions as he moves through the school year. Keep teachers and school administration informed.
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Topic - Marrying the Gene Pool. You’ve decided, she’s the one for you and he, well, he’s the man of your dreams.
Look beyond them because you are not only marrying them, you are marrying the gene pool and it can be a critical factor if children are in your future.
Research indicates that intelligence travels on the X chromosome which is the only one offered by females. It accounts for half of the intellect for girls, but all of it for boys.
Males who are sociopaths, whether the “good” or “evil” variety, pass this trait along to their children.
Autism, Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder, dyslexia, schizophrenia, mental retardation, depression and anxiety can be inherited or make a child vulnerable to the development of these life-long disorders.
Alcoholism, even in aunts, uncles and grandparents, can increase the risk of ADHD and substance abuse.
While you have completely fallen in love, use your head and check out the risk.
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Topic - Yawning. What do you think when your child yawns? Do you think they’re tired? Maybe not.
Yawning…it’s so contagious. And, it’s hard to stop.
Yawning is one of the first things we learn to do. The human fetus yawns during the first trimester in the womb; it’s a primal function that isn’t under conscious control. Paralyzed people recover their motor functions to yawn.
We don’t know why we yawn; it’s not related to fatigue, but may be related to boredom, hunger and the time of day. We lose our attention span when we are tired, hungry and bored.
Yawning may cause us to “perk up” or to transition from one state to another. It also may be a primitive act of empathy. So, in its basic nature, yawning allows your child to be understood without words.
To break the yawning cycle, expel your breath through your mouth, empty your lungs slowly through, then fill them slowly through your nose. It will energize you!
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Topic - Boys and Showers. One of the most charming phone calls I’ve ever received was from a mom who called for “just a little bit of advice”.
Apparently, she couldn’t get her “stinky” 12-year old boy into the shower.
“Can’t he smell himself?” I advised, “Don’t say a thing and let the pack take care of him.” “What pack?” I said, “One of his classmates, probably a girl, will announce loudly, ‘Ew, dude, you stink!’ and then, you’ll call me because you can’t get him out of the shower!” I asked her to call back “when it happened”.
Three weeks later, she called and told me that her son has an “obsessive interest in hygiene. He spends so much time in the shower it’s a problem”.
I told her his behavior would “even out” soon and someone should take him shopping for body washes, shampoo and perhaps a body spray.
“Take it seriously”, I explained, “The sense of smell is so important that it is directly wired into the brain and doesn’t go through the sensory processing system. Take time to get it right.
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Topic - Conflict Driven Behavior. Tony seems to pick a fight with his parents before homework and then, he seems to calm down and get it done.
What they don’t realize is they’re giving him a shot of adrenalin so his brain, laboring under the strain of Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder, can actually get turned on to do the work.
His confused parents don’t know it, but they’re in a cycle of conflict-driven behavior. Tony is provoking them to get the “fix” he needs to get the job done.
Conflict causes adrenalin to flood his brain and turn it on. Teenagers, even those without ADHD, seek the addictive adrenalin rush and unfortunately, struggle to turn it off once they’ve practiced it often.
They end up unintentionally provoking teachers and cops and the next thing you know, they’ve got a court date.
If you see this cycle in your family, seek help immediately. It is as dangerous as it feels.
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Topic - Miscarriages & Feelings. People say incredibly thoughtless things during painful times because they’re at a loss for words and they’re uncomfortable with your feelings.
Women who miscarry are still being told, “You can have another one” by well-intentioned friends and yes, even medical staff.
What we want to say, is, “I wanted that one”.
When people say that you shouldn’t feel one way or another, it’s important to speak up because you’ll rage not only over the situation, but also from being denied your feelings about it. Rubbing salt in a heart wound.
Who are we to say how someone should feel? Should I punch you in the arm and tell you, “Oh, that didn’t hurt”? How do I know?
Funny, how we can disagree on art, movies and food, but when it comes to feelings, we want everyone to “stay in their lanes” and not veer off into intense emotions.
Don’t let others get away with this; speak your peace. You teach others how to treat you, so teach them how to be supportive of you.
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Topic - Teenage Profanity. Offended by profanity? Better get ear plugs for the teen years. Profanity is the native language of teenagers.
Adolescence is a time of intense, roller-coaster emotions and profanity seems to be the most common way for teens to express these strong feelings.
Profanity has the guttural, growling and powerful sounds that “feel good” to bark and may be the first observable act of rebellion. Meant to shock and alarm parents, it heralds the teen’s attempts to declare that they’re growing up.
It’s a signal of belonging to the most important group in the world-their friends.
It’s also a reflection of their still-developing prefrontal cortex where reasoning takes place. In the teen years, it’s the amygdala, the seat of emotions, that’s running the show.
Most teens know the rules. Don’t swear in front of authority figures or someone you don’t know well.
So, decide on the rules for your teens and their friends when they are in your home. Don’t make them guess; set them up for success.
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Topic - Great Observers. Children are great observers but lousy interpreters.
Earlier generations believed that kids were too young to appreciate what was going on and that they’d forget. They were wrong.
Kids observed, but didn’t understand and it impacted them emotionally because their young brains picked up on the basic, universal emotions of sadness, surprise, fear, disgust and anger.
They saw and felt it, didn’t know what to make of it and held onto those feelings. They could’ve benefited from reassurance and appropriate explanations.
The current generation that is “in charge” is more enlightened because we have the benefit of neuroscience and knowledge of child development that tells us to take seriously the emotions that our children observe.
We’re careful about what they see on television and in the movies. We shelter them from our negative emotions. We stop, explain and reassure. It’s a good thing.
Don’t discount the legacy that emotions can leave on your child’s heart.
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Topic - Genetic Disorders. I see children and teens with pervasive and severe disorders related to memory, attention, executive functioning and language skills.
When they act young for their age and have difficulty coping with the demands of their lives, I request genetic testing.
Why? Because when so many systems are compromised and disable a child, it’s likely that when the sperm hit the egg, the process took a wrong turn and the brain was wired differently.
Males are more vulnerable than females because their developmental path in the womb is different. Gender is determined at conception and girls simply proceed on course until birth.
Boys develop as female for the first 6 weeks after which they are bathed in male hormones to make the male brain. There are many twists to making a male brain and there are no “U-turns”.
You can’t fix it, but knowing what to expect allows you a chance to reduce the impact of the disorder on their lives.
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Topic - Immaturity. When parents of children and young teens describe them as “immature”, I ask them to tell me what they see.
Typically, their kids act younger than their age peers and struggle to cope with disappointment and changes. They deteriorate into regressive behaviors such as meltdowns and bedwetting that are unexpected for their age.
They need a lot of reassurance, lack confidence and seem insecure. Parents question the reasons for these struggles and what they can do to help their kids “grow up”.
The reasons for these behaviors can be found in their child’s neurology. In the absence of abuse or serious trauma, it’s likely their kids have developmental disorders related to a genetic disorder, autism, Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder, and learning disabilities such as dyslexia and language processing disorders.
A comprehensive evaluation to determine the nature of the problems is the first step toward having reasonable expectations and helping your child.
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Topic - Police Procedure. Your teenage driver has a great chance of getting a traffic ticket.
Before Noah goes out on his own, sit down and review the basics of being stopped by a cop. Tell him that if it’s an honest mistake, he’ll have to pay for the costs by doing chores.
Explain that he will panic and be unable to think straight and the only thing he needs to know is do what the officer tells you to do.
Describe for him specifically that the officer will shine a bright light into the car to determine his safety because traffic stops can be dangerous for cops.
Noah should hold up his hands and dangle the keys to indicate he won’t flee. The officer will run his plates and approach him cautiously.
Noah is to answer the questions respectfully without explaining.
If Noah gets a ticket, he needs to sign for it without complaint. Accepting the ticket is not an admission of guilt.
A traffic stop is a chance to learn an important lesson. Be safe out there!
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Topic - Manners Matter. Aren’t you impressed when you see a person with manners? It just tells you something about them that makes you feel good.
When you witness an act of kindness, changes occur in your body that combat stress, so, manners do count.
Introduce Jack to the concept of manners early in life with consistent “Please” and “Thank you”. Eye contact when speaking and paying attention to the people with whom you’re interacting says volumes. “How are you?” and the response, “Fine, thank you” are ways of connecting with others and should be practiced to make them automatic.
Write phone manner phrases on notecards near the phone. Identify meals once a week as “training” meals where table manners are practiced. Prepare them for the kinds of interactions they’ll have at social events.
Point out when they use good manners without over-praise. Manners classes are offered in your community, so enroll your teenager. They’ll hear it better from another adult and other teens will make it fun and meaningful.
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Topic - Homework Helps. In the 1960’s, psychologist, Donald Hebb, that “neurons that fire together, wire together”.
If your brain cells fire in a certain order repeatedly, they “connect”. This way, information can be automatically accessed from the mind without thinking about it.
You don’t think twice about your name when asked, do you? Practice does make perfect.
In his book Outliers, Malcolm Gladwell says you need 10,000 hours of practice to master a skill.
Though we parents complain about the amount of homework and yes, at many schools, it is ridiculous, think of it this way. Your kids are being made masters not just with subject matter, but with organizing, planning, sequencing, time management, self-discipline and prioritizing.
Oh yeah, we’ll still complain, but homework is necessary to master both content and the learning to learn process. Show your commitment to homework!
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Topic - Task Analysis. Go ahead. Sit down. Pick up the plateful of spaghetti and shove it all in your mouth at once. Really? That just doesn’t work. So much gets wasted!
Well, this is the approach to homework and projects that many kids take because they’re overwhelmed or panicked. They need to learn a process called task analysis.
Task analysis is a straightforward approach requiring the task to be “deconstructed” to determine the parts and then, a timeline is attached to each part.
Make sure that Jeff leaves plenty of room to manage delays and distractions so he can finish the science fair project on time with minimal stress.
Task analysis can be applied to daily homework as well so that the work gets done with high quality results and Jeff can get to bed on time. As a middle schooler, he needs a lot of sleep because his body is growing very rapidly.
Mastering the process of task analysis will be invaluable in college and certainly, on the job.
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Topic - Just Do It. The Nike shoe company had a campaign slogan of “Just do it” that meant a lot to me.
For years, I’ve banned the word “try” from my professional and personal vocabularies and encouraged others to do the same.
The word “try” means to make an attempt, but my sense is that there is a connotation of expected failure. When people weakly answer, “I’ll try” when you ask them to floss their teeth daily, you know it’s not going to happen.
When you “just do it”, you always succeed to some degree even if you only “get up, dress up and show up”. You may not perform the job well, but you did not fail. Your intention was to succeed. You’ll do better next time.
I’ve heard it said that “There ain’t nothing to it but to do it”. So, don’t “try” to do it, just do it. “Practice” instead of “try”. You get good at what you practice.
Perform an activity repeatedly in order to improve, so stick with it, focus on it and watch your skills grow.
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Topic - Spread The Parenting Around. Mom yelled at Cameron, “Hurry up, you’ll be late for practice”. I said, “Let the coach take care of that”; “spread the parenting around”.
The problem was she took responsibility for Cameron’s tardiness and she was working harder than he was. If he’s not on time, it’s on him.
Drop him off at practice, let the coach know he wasn’t ready and apply the necessary consequences. This was so successful that she no longer shadowed him every morning for school.
Mom told the counselor that she was turning over the responsibility to be on time to Cameron and that if detention or Saturday school were necessary, so be it. The counselor explained the new rules to Cameron and it was on.
It was ugly there for a while, but he quickly made the connection between his conduct and “real world consequences”. Mom was less exhausted from saving him from himself and their relationship was less tense.
Stop being invested in what other people think. Recruit other adults to spread the parenting around.
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Topic - No Excuses Only Reasons. Jason always comes back with an “excuse” for not doing something. It’s his way of deflecting responsibility, reducing the consequences or having any response when you ask him, “Why did you do that?”
This whole process of excuse making starts when you ask “Why” instead of asking “What”. The goal here is to learn more about Jason’s decision-making process so you can get him to take responsibility.
When Jason describes the information he used to make his decision and the pros and cons he considered, you’ll see how he problem-solves. If he’s a teenager, you’re likely to see self-serving thinking which is designed to protect him from threats and is typical of the adolescent brain.
Don’t take Jason’s excuse-making personally. It’s a chance to teach him how to “reason” instead of making excuses. Ah, the joys of being a parent.
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Topic - Language Arts Matter. Have you ever attended one of those school meetings where you’re told, “It’s OK that Madison’s having trouble with reading and writing. She’ll do OK in science and social studies because there are projects in there. She’ll do OK in PE and her elective”.
The trouble is that every single lesson in school is a language arts lesson. There’s homework in PE nowadays. There are science books and social studies books to be read. What part of this concept is missing from the discussion?
There are labs to write up in science and writing is required for social studies projects. So, if your child has an individualized education plan, an IEP, make it a point to have goals and objectives written for any subject where reading and writing are involved.
Even if your child doesn’t have an IEP and struggles with reading and writing, don’t expect them to turn in super grades just because the class is not English. The requirements in school may not be as you remember them. Today, it’s all about reading and writing.
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Topic - Big Boy Syndrome. When I see boys in my practice who are at the 90 percentile of height and weight, they often experience what I call the “Big Boy Syndrome”.
Parents, teachers, friends and others have expectations that are way beyond the maturity level of these boys. They mistake size for maturity.
This even happens in children who are not tall. We expect kids who are very bright to have judgment consistent with their “smarts”. Usually, this is not the case.
To be mature means that you are fully grown and fully developed. Just because some aspects of a child seem to be mature, does not mean that they have achieved maturity.
Watch their behavior; check their judgment. Are they willing to accept responsibility and constructive criticism? Do they benefit from their mistakes and improve their performance as they go along? How do they cope with adversity?
Determine your own definition of maturity and help your child achieve it. But don’t be fooled by their size, intelligence or other talents.
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Topic - Teaching Kids Resilience. He was learning to walk and had the inevitable crashes. But, when he fell down, he watched my reaction.
If I gasped and asked if he was alright, he cried. I couldn’t control my gasp, but quickly learned to cover it with a big smile, applause and a hearty, “Good falling!” He never cried after that unless he was really hurt.
If Dan never took risks, he’d never learn. If we rescued him, he wouldn’t master life’s lessons. So, we shifted gears.
Dan fell, fell and fell again. He learned to hold his head up when he hit so he wouldn’t lose teeth or need stitches. He learned to walk, and run and fly.
We shared the lessons from our own mistakes and got out of his way so he could experience disappointments.
We learned to be realistic about what he could and could not do. We didn’t rave too much. If he wanted to go, we found a way to make it happen.
He’s now a man who knows how to fall and more importantly, how to get up and dust himself off. Don’t always catch them.
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Topic - Naming Your Baby. One of the most contentious dynamics that can happen when you have a baby is the name you give her.
So many people seem to feel they have the right to help you choose. It’s ultimately your decision, but there are considerations.
Will your child “outgrow” her name? It might be cute now, but when she’s 30 and a surgeon, will her name inspire confidence?
If you name your child in memory of a family member, make sure that person was beloved and did not die under circumstances that would make your child question his future. Don’t make him think twice about the heritage his name brings.
Since bullying has become a blood sport in American schools, think about the ways in which a name can be used against him. Kids will think of things you can’t, but don’t help them along.
Think about how his first name will “fit” his last name. A child’s middle name has a lot more flexibility than a first name so give him two middle names.
Make sure your child’s name makes him proud.
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Topic - Irate Kids. Have you ever seen a cop handle irate people? The cop gives simple and clear directions with a “voice of authority”. He doesn’t explain, console or attempt to reason with the person who’s out of control. The cop simply says, “Put your hands on the hood, sir. Put your hands on the hood, sir”. He’s respectful and direct.
Follow his lead. When Jason is ranting and raving, don’t even think about talking with him. He won’t hear a thing. Why is that?
When people are upset, adrenalin and cortisol flood their brains and short circuits thinking. These chemicals are designed to give you the energy and strength to run away or stand and fight. They are not chemicals designed for thinking.
Once Jason is calm and a bit of time has passed, the follow-up “life lesson” can happen.
Help him to do two things, know how to avoid the event in the future and give him ways to handle it if it happens again. Assure him that practice really does make perfect and he’ll get better at handling life as he moves along.
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Topic - Catastrophic Thinking. “I’m stupid. I’m a failure. Nothing works out. I won’t get into college. I won’t graduate and get a job. I’ll be living out of a box. Will you let me live in the garage?”
The all or none kid. He goes from one extreme to another; you’re exhausted keeping him somewhere in the middle.
Sean doesn’t remember the hundreds of times he made these “doomsday predictions” and they never happened; he just defaults to catastrophic thinking.
Several things could be going on.
He’s really afraid that everything will go wrong, he’s looking for reassurance or, he doesn’t know how to ask for help and by making these pronouncements, you’ll come running.
If Sean’s negative about everything, get him some help, but if he goes off the deep end when he’s frustrated, he needs to develop coping skills.
First, when he’s not in a panic, sit him down and point out the behaviors.
Second, give him a “recipe” to manage crises and words to describe his feelings.
Last, teach him how to ask you for help in an appropriate way.
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Topic - Responsible Kids. Assigning personal, daily and weekly chores helps kids to learn responsibility.
Because we are dependent on one another, we need to be competent. Competent people feel secure and confident. They perceive themselves coping well with challenges.
Don’t even think about sending your 18 year old out into the world without teaching him the basics.
You have to start early. Yes, 3 year olds can have chores. They can put the toys in the toy box and 5 year olds can wipe up spills and feed the pets.
Kids who are 7 can make salad and match up socks and 8 year olds can load the dishwasher and put groceries away. Your 10-year old can vacuum, clean bathrooms and make simple meals.
Kids 12 and up can do advanced chores such as laundry, grocery shopping, watching younger kids and making a complete meal.
Dear Abby said it all, “If you want children to keep their feet on the ground, put some responsibility on their shoulders”. Perfect.
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Topic - Redheads. Lucille Ball, Willie Nelson, Thomas Jefferson, and Prince Harry. They’re redheads all!
Redheads have a reputation for being fiery, just like their hair. Why is that? Would you be surprised that there’s a biological basis for their fierceness?
Their red hair is caused by a mutation in their skin’s receptor gene that activates similar brain receptors that process anxiety and pain. They feel pain differently from brunettes and blondes.
Redheads are less responsive to anesthesia and need 19% more gas to be put under for surgery. They are more likely to avoid the dentist because they don’t get numb easily and are more sensitive to feeling pain caused by heat.
Mom and Dad, when red-headed Jessica is crankier than her brunette siblings, she just may be physically uncomfortable. Her irritability may not be related to being spoiled. Ask her for ideas to reduce her distress.
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Topic - Pets and Kids. Exposure to two or more dogs or cats the first year of life may reduce allergies during childhood. You might get a pet because it’s time for Adam to have one, but you know that the care of this animal will ultimately fall on you, Mom and Dad.
Safety is always the first concern. Other realities such as budget, labor-intensiveness of care and Adam’s personal capabilities factor into the final decision.
What are Adam’s emotional needs? Does he want a pet to cuddle or just observe? If he needs a cuddly friend, he can start with a cage animal like a guinea pig.
If Adam shows good judgment and responsibility over time, a dog or cat might be next. If you decide on a dog, research the breeds that fit best with the family’s personality.
Consider an older dog that has been fostered by a rescue group. They’ll know a lot about its personality and can help you with a match. Getting a 2-3 year old dog eliminates all of that puppy stuff. Oh, this is gonna be fun.
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Topic - Women and Clutter. When it comes to being a “neat nik”, who comes to mind? Felix Unger, Adrian Monk? Where are the women on your list?
Obsessive-compulsive disorder occurs about equally in men and women. In the real world, it’s women who are constantly nagging about “flat space-itis” whereby all flat space has something laying on it.
Recent research shows there’s a biological basis for this behavior. Surprise! Connie’s ancient brain tells her to constantly evaluate the environment so she can see any possible threat.
Because Connie isn’t as physically strong as a man, she has to use her intelligence to keep herself safe. The dopamine in her brain helps her to see novel things around her.
Basically, she has to “clean up the clutter” in order to see the sabertooth cat waiting to pounce. Oh wait, it’s not a sabertooth cat, it’s a backpack! Silly me! There goes my ancient brain again!
Kids, give mom a break. Clean up your stuff!
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Topic - Hunters and Farmers. Thom Hartmann wanted to explain Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder to his son who was just diagnosed. His idea was to compare hunters with farmers.
Before we became farmers, people were hunters and gatherers. For the hyperactive child, a hunter, it’s important to constantly monitor the environment, be able join in the chase at a second’s notice, have remarkable stamina to chase down the deer, be independent, willing to take risks and face danger, choose decision making over politeness and be able to envision a goal.
The child with the inattentive type of ADHD, or farmer, is organized, aware of time, able to pace himself, show task persistence, patience and not be distractible. They’re team players. They’re nurturing, careful and supportive of their communities. They take care of business.
So, whether your child is a hunter or a famer, we need all kinds in our human village.
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Topic - Parents with ADHD. When parents have untreated Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder, there’s chaos in the family.
This is especially true when mother is the one with ADHD. Running a home takes robust planning, anticipation and organization.
People with ADHD can have poor diets and often resort to fast food. Healthy diets require planning for the food, shopping for and preparing it. This kind of forward thinking is challenging for those with ADHD.
Doing laundry can be a crisis as it may take longer than anticipated resulting in having to turn Johnny’s underwear inside out so he can wear it another day.
When Dad fails to pick up Johnny after school, the police are called because he has been abandoned.
Mom didn’t sign the permission slip for the field trip, so Johnny stayed in the office all day. Johnny is left feeling insecure and embarrassed.
If you’re a parent with ADHD, it’s not just about you, it’s about your family.
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Topic - ADHD and Sleep. Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder is a regulatory disorder meaning there are problems “shifting gears” and with planning behavior. It can affect sleep.
Children with ADHD have special difficulty with making successful transitions including going to sleep and waking up that result in family conflict.
Problems begin in the early evening when the activity level starts to wind down. Anxiety around going to bed starts to cook resulting in defiance and increased aggression.
These behaviors aren’t exactly suited to achieving the calmness necessary for sleep. Their hyperactive brains don’t let them fall asleep.
Sleep deprivation affects all aspects of life, so achieving sound sleep is critical.
Having a hot bath increases core body temperature, triggering an ancient signal for sleep. Afternoon and early evening diet should be low in sugar.
Talk with your pediatrician about medical management if the situation warrants.
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Topic - Helmet Safety. Think a helmet for your kid isn’t worth it? Think again.
Even though Tom isn’t knocked out, he can still have a brain injury.
The brain doesn’t completely fill the skull so, when Tom hits his head, his brain bounces around and gets bruised.
If it bounces around really hard, it bleeds. The outside of the skull is smooth, but the inside has small bony protrusions that snag the brain.
The sac that holds the brain together is called the dura and it has 3 layers. When there’s a bruise on the layer closest to the brain, it’s called a subdural hematoma.
If the bony protrusions from the skull pierce the dura and tear the brain, the bleeding causes swelling.
Pieces of the skull are temporarily removed to allow the brain to swell to avoid more bleeding.
Now that you know these facts, make sure Tom has a solid helmet for activities where he might bounce his brain.
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Topic - Child Sociopathy. Mom said, “You know, Tom kinda scares me. He lies, threatens us physically, steals, is selfish, doesn’t take responsibility for himself, doesn’t care about others, and never apologizes. No matter how much I punish him, his behavior doesn’t change."
Tom is a child with Conduct Disorder. It’s diagnosed when people break rules, are callous, narcissistic and unemotional. They are aggressive, deceitful and destructive.
Be aware that Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder which can lead to Conduct Disorder. If not treated, it evolves into antisocial personality disorder, criminal behavior and sociopathy. Sociopathy occurs along with depression which can lead to addictions.
It’s a horrifying cycle of destruction. Yes, these behaviors are seen in very young children and it can be inherited from fathers. Be informed and intervene.
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Topic - Child Depression. Yes, babies can become depressed and children do suffer from depression.
Because of variations in development, children’s symptoms of depression can be different from adults. They are irritable and angry, perceive that others reject them, feel stupid, ugly and incompetent. They just don’t feel well.
Vague complaints like headaches, stomachaches, sleep problems, appetite, fatigue unexplained crying or tearfulness might be observed. They avoid social interactions.
If you see any of these along with concentration problems, changes in appearance, decline in academics and interest in death or suicide, don’t just stand there, do something.
Girls attempt suicide, but boys actually succeed. Around the age of 12, they may start self-medicating with alcohol. A family history of depression or substance abuse creates greater risk for depression.
Although symptoms may vary at different times, intervention is necessary.
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Topic - Outings with Kids. There was 5-year old Andrew, sitting with mom and dad at the restaurant. He was climbing out of his seat, throwing food, screaming, and crying.
Parents kept talking to him…talking! They were embarrassed, but that’s it.
What do you with a child like Andrew? While his behavior might not be related to any serious problems, if it happens consistently, look into it.
Otherwise, these situations are caused by parents’ failure to plan. Yes, it’s your fault if you take a child to a restaurant, the movies or Disneyland without an escape plan.
Take two cars. When Andrew loses it, escort him to the car until he regains his composure and you tell him the rules. Repeat as necessary and don’t be surprised if he falls asleep in the car.
The timing of an outing can make or break the event. Make sure you are prepared with snacks, toys, or a stroller so that you and everyone there can have a good time. This is especially important if the event is a family celebration at a restaurant.
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Topic - Narcissism in Kids. Narcissism can be seen in very young children.
Ashley believes she has special talents and is superior. She’s haughty. She doesn’t care about other people and lacks warmth and empathy.
Ashley isn’t good at taking turns and has a “me first” attitude. Her academic record is spotty; she’ll only work when she’s interested.
Well, why not? It must not be important if she isn’t interested!
Because she can’t tolerate failure, she avoids things that don’t bring her praise. Ashley has never admitted that she was wrong and she has never apologized. Ever.
She shows no remorse for her behavior and blames others for her mistakes. She uses people and has no genuine relationships. She lies constantly and bends the rules to suit her needs.
Parents are concerned about her drive to have power over others which borders on the sadistic. If this is your child, there is hope, but get help now!
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Topic - Language Development. When should you worry about Dennis’ language development? The answer is “Now”.
If you’re worried, take action, especially if he experienced birth complications such as a long labor, the cord being around his neck or a delay in breathing at birth.
If Dennis had more than 5 ear infections before he was 7, he may have a language processing disorder.
Guidelines suggest that if Dennis isn’t “on target” at 36 months, consult with a speech and language therapist. His vocabulary should be exploding. He should be using 2-3 sentences in conversation, follow 2-3 step instructions and talk well enough for strangers to understand him most of the time.
Speech and language therapy is not painful to the child and intensely involves parents in the process, so there’s no reason to delay. Targeted intervention early in the developmental stages is the best approach for any disorder.
Language is the core of academic and social functioning, so learn and take the necessary steps.
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Topic - ADHD and Empathy. Parents brought him to me because he was hugging the newborn kittens to death. They asked, “Is he going to be a serial killer?”
No, turns out he had Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder. He couldn’t judge how tightly he was holding the kitties and was most worried about dropping them.
Parents were concerned about his lack of empathy. The parts of the brain related to empathy aren’t damaged because of ADHD. Those with the disorder don’t see the cues that call for an empathic response and because they are likely to have such poor social skills, they don’t emotionally respond “on target”.
Their “here and now”-orientation may cause them to appear callous to others. They simply forget and move on. “What’s the big deal?” In their mind, it’s about the “next” thing, not the “now” thing.
Finally, people with ADHD want to help, but they just can’t organize their behavior and stick with it long enough to be supportive. ADHD can cause serious social problems.
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Topic - Knowing vs Doing. “You know better than that! Why did you do that?” It’s the mantra of parents.
We adults also know not to do certain things, but we go ahead and do them anyway. We eat too much, smoke, drink and don’t floss our teeth. We know better than that.
Why is there such a gap between knowing and behavior? Because it’s about making a decision and sticking with it and it requires effort and commitment.
Identify one behavior you want to change. It might be the easiest one or the most difficult. Commit to that behavior and stay dedicated until it is well-established.
To change it, practice the behavior for a full month. Floss your teeth every night. Reward yourself with more time in the tub or a little extra reading.
You’ll see that once the behavior is established, you’ll feel like something is missing if you don’t do it! Change yourself a little at a time and be more satisfied with who you are.
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Topic - Gifted Children. Father beamed as he announced his son’s incredibly high IQ at a dinner party.
As friends joked that he better start saving for Harvard, mother just looked exhausted. She knew that Aaron wore her out.
He was 4 and asking about 500 questions a day, 75 more than the average 4 year old. And they weren’t just any questions. “Mommy, why is it cold on the mountain top when it’s closer to the sun?”
Exactly how do you raise a gifted child?
The answer: Creatively. You don’t have to know everything; you just have to know where to find answers.
The Johns Hopkins Center for Talented Youth provides a wide array of activities for children as young as pre-kindergarten. Other great resources are out there!
Since boredom is a huge issue, public schools may not be a good fit. Behavioral problems may erupt because many schools do not have gifted programming. Offer to supplement Aaron’s classroom with materials and activities to spark his interests.
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Topic - Higher Order Thinking Skills or HOTS, are the ability to reason using inferencing, drawing conclusions and integrating information. They generally emerge in middle school when the brain is mature enough to develop this kind of sophisticated thinking.
Benjamin Bloom defined the levels of HOTS in the 1950s.
The first level is remembering information which doesn’t require analysis. The next level, understanding, focuses on the ability to interpret concepts. The next level up the ladder is applying which is described as using information in other situations.
Analyzing is the process of comparing, organizing and breaking information down to understand it. Evaluating comes next and requires justifying a decision by checking and hypothesizing. Creating new ideas or ways of viewing things is the highest level.
Watch your child to see how well these skills are developing.
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Topic - Reading to Babies. Isn’t reading to babies a complete waste of time? I mean, they don’t know the story, they don’t follow along and they drool on the pages. Yuck!
But, reading to babies is critical.
First and foremost, reading strengthens visual attention which is known to enhance word recognition that leads to reading fluency and improved comprehension.
When you read to baby Alex, help him to focus on the book by guiding his face toward the pages.
Secondly, words! Words! Words! Listening to the rhythm of language teaches Alex the cadence of speaking and he’ll learn to recognize words when he hears them over and over.
Expanding his vocabulary is critical. When you say the words and point to the pictures, his word knowledge is expanded. Word knowledge is the heartbeat of both social and academic communication.
Last, it’s just so nice to cuddle up with Alex and read books to him and as he rests peacefully against you. Divine!
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Topic - Dyslexia and Social Development. Dyslexia is a neurological disorder that affects more than just reading and writing. It can seriously impact your child’s social life.
Kids with dyslexia don’t take in the whole social landscape. Luke misses the joke and struggles with sarcasm because he doesn’t understand the words and he misses the social cues. Dave gets nervous about texting because he misspells words and uses “shortcuts” others don’t understand.
The pace of communicating is at warp speed, especially with girls, and Sydney just can’t find the right words fast enough to keep up.
Memory is dependent on language skills. Chris doesn’t remember what others have said or what he has promised and his friends get mad. It is very confusing and he gives up.
Having relationships and dyslexia is just too much work. Between the social demands and the academic load, kids with dyslexia experience much more stress than others. Give ‘em a break, will ya?
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Topic - Moral Development. Morality is critical to the fabric of society. But, how does morality develop?
Lawrence Kohlberg proposed that moral development parallels cognitive and social development.
Moral development is first seen in preschoolers who seek to gain maximum benefits for themselves. When Frank reached elementary school, he was a “good boy” seeking approval from others and being friendly. He then moved on to following fixed rules for the purpose of maintaining social order.
When Frank became a teenager, he looked to mutually beneficial rules where the concepts of being morally right and legally right weren’t always the same thing. Subtleties of “right and wrong” played a role.
Finally, when Frank moved into adulthood, his morality was based on mutual respect and ethical behavior. Watch your child interact with others to gauge their stage of moral development.
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Topic - Kids Play. Play is the work of children, but why is it so important?
Through play, Jack learns concepts, information, verbal and non-verbal skills, to negotiate roles and take turns. Sarah experiments with a wide variety of feelings, roles, and entertains unacceptable feelings and situations. Greg resolves his sadness from losing his dog.
Fantasy and creativity are born through play. Large and small motor skills are developed impacting cognitive growth. These social, emotional, and mental skills are foundational for school success.
Playing with toys leads to competent handwriting and playground skills that allow them to feel confident and secure.
Experimenting with language leads to problem-solving and conceptual understanding.
Playing with others teaches emotional control, and perspective taking which leads to empathy. They learn to resolve conflicts and advocate for themselves.
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Topic - Pronunciation. Let’s talk about pronunciation! WHAT? You may think this is a wacky and incredibly boring topic, but I’ve gotta tell ya’, it’s so much more important than you ever thought.
Here’s the deal. If Timmy says thereal instead of cereal or wocket for rocket, he is likely to both read and spell those sounds that way.
Although others may find his articulation disorder charming and cute, it must be addressed immediately. It won’t be “cute” when he’s 25.
Because young children are not as aware of how they sound as older children, their articulation disorders are more difficult to remediate and intensive practice is required.
Seek out a speech and language therapist for support. Not only should Timmy attend speech therapy, but his parents should learn the therapist’s techniques to help him correctly practice the sounds at nearly every opportunity. Parents, in turn, should encourage family members to gently correct Timmy so as not to continue his speech disorder.
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Topic - Personality Styles. Julie is a socially dominant, straight-forward 8 year old who has no tolerance for the “drama” of the other girls in 3rd grade. She doesn’t giggle or act silly, but she’s no tomboy. What’s up with her?
Julie is not on the same emotional page as her female classmates. They don’t understand her, either. They become confused over her intensity because they have learned to temper theirs.
They have more ability to observe and monitor themselves than Julie has. They more readily adjust their behavior to fit situations.
Julie has yet to learn these skills and stands out as a result. Her assertiveness is misinterpreted as bullying because her leadership style is different from the other girls.
Help Julie to see how her behavior impacts others. “Julie, you may not be aware that when you get mad so fast, it scares the other girls”. Reflecting the behavior instead of judging will help her to develop insight and self-monitoring skills more quickly.
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Topic - Kids Screen Time. The numbers are outrageous! Parents don’t realize just how much time their children are spending hooked up to the digital world.
44% of 3 year olds and 81% of 6 year olds play video games. 50% of teenagers send more than 50 texts a day. 75% of teenagers own cell phones as compared to just 5% ten years ago.
I bet you don’t’ know that your kid spends 8 hours a day consuming media! How can you take charge?
Begin by collecting data about Jason’s techno-diet and slowly replace his sedentary pursuits with those that are social and physical.
Sleep, behavior and school problems, obesity, aggression and declining strength and stamina result from too much screen time.
Establish rules for media consumption such as no screens at dinner and use parental control to monitor content.
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Topic - Learning Disabilities Early Signs. Learning disabilities don’t just “pop up” overnight. The early signs were there, you just didn’t know “what” you were seeing.
Red flags for children younger than 5 include trouble learning numbers (1-9), colors, shapes, or the first letters of the alphabet.
Jeff is 4 and has trouble using crayons and struggles with buttoning, zipping and tying. He also has difficulty following directions and paying attention to what he and others are doing. His poor concentration and difficulty sticking with an activity until completion causes behavioral problems.
Mom’s greatest concern is that Jeff’s speech seems delayed and he doesn’t pronounce sounds correctly. It’s typical that children struggle with several areas of development at the same time. Also, they learn at very different rates.
Don’t ignore your concerns. Jeff needs to be evaluated by an educational specialist and speech and language therapist to determine if he is developing competently enough to learn once he reaches school age.
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Topic - ADHD Injuries. It’s no surprise to parents when I tell them that Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder is a dangerous diagnosis. They’ve been to the ER, they’ve called the dentist on a Sunday, and explained the many bruises to the pediatrician.
More than once, Mom held her breath when she caught James ready to fly off the garage or hang by his knees from the highest tree branch.
It’s a fact. Children with ADHD suffer 3 times the number of accidental poisonings and bone fractures as other kids. Children with ADHD have more frequent and more severe injuries.
Pediatric burn units report that kids with ADHD suffered much more extensive injuries and required longer hospital stays. ADHD kids are more likely to be aggressive, oppositional and have motor coordination problems that make them more vulnerable to accidents than their peers.
Channel their physical energy in constructive ways and supervise them very carefully.
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Topic - HPV Vaccinations. One-third of throat cancer diagnoses are caused by the human papillomavirus. HPV causes about 60% of cervical cancers, but the story doesn’t end there.
The rapid rise in oral cancers, especially in men, reveals that HPV is responsible for 60% of these cases. HPV-related cancers aren’t just for women anymore. Men are being diagnosed with throat, tonsil, salivary gland, tongue and esophageal cancer at astonishing rates.
The HPV vaccine protects both males and females against this sexually-transmitted cancer. You might not want to think of little Janet and Mitchell as sexual beings, but the drive to reproduce is second only to the drive to stay alive. It’s likely they’ll be sexually active in the future. Can youlive with the consequences of ignoring the facts? Consult your doctor about HPV vaccinations for your children.
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Topic - Child Bipolar Disorder. Only recently has the psychiatric community recognized the very real presence of bipolar disorder in children. It’s a chronic brain disorder causing episodes of extreme changes in mood, behavior, energy and thinking.
There are serious internal changes, too, including cardiac, metabolic and cognitive aspects. Very severe verbal and physical outbursts, extreme irritability and anger, minimal empathy and affection, marginal cooperation and general negativity unexpected for Amanda’s age may actually be related to bipolar disorder.
Because impulsivity and hyperactivity are associated with bipolar, Amanda may be misdiagnosed with ADHD; so a comprehensive evaluation is critical. This is a lifelong disorder requiring medication as well as individual and family therapy. The book, The Bipolar Child, by Demitri Papolos is an excellent resource.
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Topic - Teen Brains. Ever wonder why your teen is acting the way they are, and if their behavior is normal or abnormal? Adolescence brings about big changes to the development of the brain, as well as hormonal changes, causing massive stress. The areas of the brain involving memory, planning, and impulsivity don't mature until the very end of the brain's development. Understand your teen's challenges, control your actions, and teach them what they need to know!
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Topic - Panic Attacks. Both parents and children can suffer from panic attacks, usually brought on by anxiety. What are the symptoms and solutions for treatment?
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Topic - ADHD and Diet. Diet affects how you feel and function! Refined sugars cause fatigue and decrease the ability to think. Those with ADHD can benefit by eating a more high protein diet, which increases alertness and concentration.
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Topic - IEP Meetings. Are you trying to have your child tested for learning problems at your school and running into delays or difficulties? Public schools are federally mandated to perform a special education evaluation if requested, you're not required to tell them why or explain your reasons.
Once you submit the request, the school has 15 days to present you with an assessment plan, 60 days to conduct the evaluation and hold an individualized education meeting, the IEP meeting. Go to www.disabilityrightsca.org to learn more.
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Topic - Educational Assessments. Do you suspect your child is experiencing learning disabilities? Has your school evaluated your child with no results? You may need to conduct an independent evaluation.
Schools are only responsible for determining if a student is eligible for one of their programs. As a private clinician, I conduct diagnostic assessments and I’m free to recommend the necessary services that will improve a kid's functioning, but district personnel can only recommend the services they offer. According to federal law, schools are required to identify all areas of suspected disability, but considering that they conduct minimal evaluations, they overlook many deficits.
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Topic - Failures vs Losers. What's the difference between failing and just flat out losing? Taking risks is a necessary part of life, and along with taking risks comes failures. Teach your kids to fail well! Picking ourselves up and learning from our mistakes and failures makes us all winners.
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Topic - Bed Wetting. Bed wetting affects more than 6 million American children each night. Listen to find out the common causes and some solutions.
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Topic - Excuses vs Reasons. Do you know the difference between an excuse and a reason? When your child gives you an answer of why they did or did not do something, know the difference and teach them to give you reasons over excuses.
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Topic - Details. Some of the more important things are the smaller details or inner workings. Work on the inside, not just the outside packaging. Focus on the little things that don’t get a lot of attention. It’s the small details that make up the big picture, whether it’s how you send your kids off to school in the morning with a hug and positive feelings, or the extra 5 minutes you spend helping your child with their homework, making sure they've understood a new concept.
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Topic - Get Organized. Do you or your child have a project or two to tackle? Get organized. Choosing one thing at a time helps. Here are some ideas to get your started.
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Topic - Personalities. We all come with our own personalities! Do you have different personality styles represented within your family? Are you the calm buddha style while your child is the high energy type? It's okay to be different. Teach your child strategies to deal with others who have different personalities than their own.
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Topic - Death and Children. How can you help your child handle death within the family? You child thinks of loss in different ways depending on their age and stage of development. Here are some ways to help your kids deal with the loss of a loved one.
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Topic - Baby Memory. How much does or can a baby remember? Does their memory work as an infant? Learn how to improve your child's memory.
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Topic - Lying. Your child's age determines how they percieve lying. Before punishing your kid for lying, it's good to know what stage of moral development they're in.
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Topic - Baby Sleep Patterns. Many new moms and dads are sleep deprived. Helping your new baby develop their sleep patterns will bring both parents and baby sustained sleep times. Here's a way to establish healthy sleeping patterns for your new born.
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Topic - Bonus Parents. Are you a part of a "blended family"? Sometimes the terms "Step Mom" or "Step Dad" take on a negative connotation. What if your stepfamily gets along and the kids are happy with their step parents? The term "Bonus Dad" or "Bonus Mom" can go a long way in describing what you and your spouse are offering the chidlren in your family.
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Topic - Susie Homemaker. Are you a working mom, trying to juggle between being a parent and making a living? Have others in your life told you what you should do? Is there one right way to do it? It's your life and the path you choose is yours and yours alone.
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Topic - Rodeo Parenting. A rodeo can teach us a lot about parenting. Learn how the "do over" can help you resolve or deal with conflicts or other behavior within the family.
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Topic - Tummy Time. Spending quality time with your baby on the floor, while placing them on their tummy benefits your child in many ways. Babies develop physical and mental engagement skills during "tummy time".
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Topic - Stress and Kids. Does your child show signs of anxiety at times? Stress can harm a child's developing brain. Here are some coping techniques to help your kid calm themselves.
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Topic - School Breaks. How well does your child adjust to going back to school after longer breaks. The change and new routines associated with going back to school after summer break, winter vacation, or longer weekends can create stress and anxiety for some kids. Here are some tips to help your child adjust!
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Topic - Sexual Preference. How much does neurology affect your sexual orientation? Sexual preferences are wired and not chosen.
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Topic Birth Order. Have you considered your child's birth oder? Find out if some common characteristics for "first borns", "middles", or "last borns" appear in your children. If so, learn how to offset any potential problems.
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Topic - Maternal Age and Autism. If you give birth to your child when you're older than 35, there is increased risk of your child developing an autistic neurology. Know the signs and take early interventions to treat your child with autism to lessen any disorders.
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Topic - Bullying. How do you deal with bullying? Here are some tips to follow if your child becomes a victim of bullying.
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Topic - Sports for Kids. What sport is right for your child? When choosing a sport for your kid to participate in, consider these questions in this Parenting Pointer.
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Topic - Outgrowing Autism. Can your child outgrow autism? Yes, children can "outgrow" the symptoms of autism. Though behaviors remain that make them "look different" from their peers, the remnants of autistic behaviors do not qualify as impairments. The behaviors can be overcome with intensive intervention.
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Topic - Dyslexia. Does your child show signs of dyslexia? Find out the signs and treatments for dyslexia.
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Topic - College Learning Support. Has your child benefited from learning support programs with their education through high school? Did you know similar free programs are available to you and your student at all federally funded colleges and universities?
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Topic - Concussions. Do you suspect your child may have suffered a concussion? Do you know the signs and symptoms? Find out what to do if you suspect your child has had a concussion.
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Topic - Auditory Processing Disorders. Does your child have APD? Here are some common causes for this disorder, and some techniques for working with your child.
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Topic - School Start Times. Did you know later start times for your high schooler is beneficial? Find out why your high school age child has a case for going to school later in the morning.
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Topic - Drugs vs Medication. Be careful how you refer to your child's medical management. Words matter. Know the difference between drugs and medication.
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Topic - Recording Memories. Recording family members reading your child's favorite book to them is a great way to have a grandparent, uncle, or aunt a part of your kid's life. Have your family members and loved ones share their stories from their childhood, recalling their past memories. This is a great way to get your child interested in reading and connected with family.
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Topic - Sibling Conflict. How do you handle conflict between your children? Here are some tips to help prevent and resolve issues between siblings.
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Topic - Play Dates. Does your child find it hard to socialize or make friends? A pre-planned play date may help ease your kid's social anxiety. Try these tips to help your child play well with others.
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Topic - Surviving Adolescence. Are you a parent with kids going through adolescence? Try these coping skills as both you and your child go through this stage together!
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Topic - Necessary Losses. How well your child adapts to changes in their life depends on how well you as the parent respond to those changes. Show your child confidence and support during each of your child's stages of growth.
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Does your child have difficulty with homework? Here are six tips that parents can implement today that will help their kid in completing their homework!
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Topic - Homework. How is homework handled in your house? Here are some tips to make homework time a more productive and pleasant experience.
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How do you praise or reward your child? Focus on effort and attitude, not just results. It's the process that matters most, not just the product.
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Do you think about the words you use when talking to your children? Using effective language can make all the difference in parenting!
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Are you an authoritarian or an authortative parent? What's the difference between the two, and how does it affect your child?
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Do you give your child an allowance? When should you teach your child about money? Now is always a good time!
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