Parenting Your Teens: Recent Episodes
Christopher Taylor MFT
In this episode I talk about why your teen has negative behaviors. So often parents focus on what the behavior is, but by understanding why the behavior happens in the first place, then we you can truly end them before they begin.
In this episode I teach the exact incentive plan that I use in my private practice to motivate teens to do their chores and homework without nagging, arguing or using consequences. Its a game changer!
In this episode we discuss how to structure the home environment to ensure that teens are able to get there work done and feel good about their successes.
From 1970 to 2019 there have been over 1,300 school shootings. 18 percent of those have occurred since 2012. As parents, and as a community we must develop awareness of the real issues and intervene in appropriate and effective ways. Learn 3 things that every parent must know about school shootings.
In this episode we talk about why teens respond to basic requests with such an angry and dismissive attitude. Tips for how parents can turn it around and get their kids to show respect.
In this episode I explore the epidemic that is teen vaping. I talk about what parents need to know about vaping and what they should do in response.
In this episode I help parents to understand the primary forces that motivate human behavior. I teach parents how to have dialogue with their teens rather than slam them with consequences. I provide insight into how to motivate by attaching what the teen values to the task.
In this episode I teach parents how to help their teens wok through social anxiety. You will learn what the root cause of social anxiety is and what to do to end the cycle of negative self-talk.
In this episode I teach parents how to get your teen to open up to you. The focus is on using a strategy that not only engages teens initially, but also builds in value so they will seek parents out in the future. I use this in my practice with every teen I work with.
In this episode I answer the question of what to do when your teen suffers from low self-esteem. We cover the developmental reasons why low self-esteem develops and what you, as a parent, can do to help it. I walk you through a very specific and successful exercise i do with my private practice clients.
This episode introduces the Parenting Your Teens Podcast. The parenting your teens podcast is a weekly show focused on providing parents expert tips in dealing with common issues parents face with their teens. This Episode is an overview of the format and how to submit your own question. Episodes air weekly.
How many times have we heard or used the cliché, “what are you going to do, work at McDonalds?” Parents try to instill the love for education in their teens to give them a better future. For many families this is a smooth sailing process with only the occasional difficulty. For others, it is a source of constant stress and worry. Regardless of whether it is occasional or more frequent, her are three tips to addressing any school issue.
With everything there is in this world to make you question whether or not you are being a good parent it can be hard to think of yourself as competent. We live in a world of parent shaming and social media has added to this ultra-competitive nature of parenting by giving everyone with an opinion the ability to question the decions you are making. This article will turn that approach around. Here are 5 signs that you are doing an amazing job with your teen.
Motivation is based on what we attach value to. The old way of trying to ensure teens follow through was to slam them with a consequence. Well the new generation of teens are smarter and don’t care about consequences most of the time. Sure they may initially throw a fit and yell and scream but generally they fall into apathy quickly and parents feel hopeless that their approach failed. So here are the 3 ways to ensure your teen is motivated without nagging, arguing or using consequences.
In today's society of frequent divorce and remarriage the term blended family has become a norm. While "The Brady Bunch" highlighted the reality of this arrangement back in the 60's, it is more often than not a more painful transition and ongoing experience for both the children and the parents. Thankfully, by incorporating these 5 critical strategies, you can have the best plan to eliminate many of the challenges that might otherwise derail your new family dynamic.
With the divorce rate in America passing 50 percent, and with the stress of children cited as one of the leading reasons for divorce, it is important to know the best way to support your teen through this painful and inherently sad process. Here are 3 ways to help your teens cope with divorce.
Being a teenager means to suffer from the disease of defiance. For some, it is merely refusing to do the dishes or taking out the trash. For others, it is refusing to do their homework or chronically cutting school. Some teens go as far as threating violence against their parents, cursing at them, throwing objects or punching holes in the wall.
As parents we are tasked to protect our children from mistakes that can have repercussions that last their lifetime. We understand that most poor choices can offer excellent learning opportunities but there are some pitfalls that keep us up at night with thoughts of dread. In my experience, there is no greater point of worry than the thought that your teenage son or daughter is experimenting with drugs.
As any parent of a teen will tell you, they are not very forthcoming with information. Ask any teenager how their day went, and many times you will hear “fine,” “good,” or simply “ok” as a response. This can be frustrating when all a parent really wants is a close relationship with their teen to have a better understanding of their decision making process and to have peace of mind that they or actually, “fine.”
Depression is the most serious mental health issue facing our teens today. This year 2.8 million American teens will experience depression. Of those 2.8 million, 30 percent will also develop a substance use disorder, and a depressed teen is 12 times more likely to commit suicide.
It is no secret that we live in the digital age. Since the introduction of the internet over 2 decades ago, to the creation of the smartphone a decade later, we have been moving at lighting speed to find ways in which we can incorporate technology into all facets of our lives.
Prom night is the end of childhood for your teen, the beginning of adulthood, and the true test of responsibility and behaving. Teens spend almost the entire year planning, shopping, and talking about prom night; they see the few hours as one of the most important night of their college career. However parents see the night as emotional and riddled with fear.
Stress from homework, midterms, and finals happens with kids and teens of all ages, and it can be cause stress on the whole family as well. To better manage the stress and feelings that occur during this time, read the following 7 tips:
As your child grows up, it is likely you will disagree on various things. It will start out as simple arguments, such as putting their coat on or putting toys away. As they reach adolescence, these arguments will grow to more serious topics, and if you aren’t careful, they will grow to more seriously sized arguments with worse repercussions.
Music can take many forms, but at its root in every form it relays various emotions. Sounds and lyrics portray and talk about love, heartbreak, friendship, tragedy, happiness, sadness, and loneliness. It is the one form of art that is relatable no matter your age, gender, or race, or what you are going through. You can find music to fit your mood, attitude and want for self-expression.
As a parent, life is full of balancing on many fine lines of too little and too much. Communication can undoubtedly go into that category of “hard to balance.” Communication is a prime tool in raising children, it affects their reaction, their interaction with others, and their expectation as they grow. Thus, it is important to keep communication positive, and less negative, no matter what the situation you may be facing.
The topic that most parents dread as their child nears the teenage years: dating and sexuality. But if you are dreading it, think about how your teen feels? You were their age once. Except now things are probably a little different; there are millions of resources at their fingertips thanks to the internet. The sooner that you can talk to them about dating and sex before they learn what they need to know from the media, friends, and their own personal research, the better.
Many parents and adults know bullying is a common issue among kids, especially in their teenage years, but most do not know just how common or the effects it can cause short and long term. More than one out of every five (20.8%) students report being bullied according to the National Center for Educational Statistics (2016). To put that statistic into perspective, for a class with 30 students, about every sixth is bullied.
If you are a parent who struggles to connect with your teen then this article is for you. Your teen is in need of your assistance to overcome the difficulties they come across in day-to-day life. Your teen is going through a series of mental and physical changes in their life. As a result, they can’t effectively navigate the stressors of life without the support of their parents.
A recent client of mine was severely bullied for having an iPhone older than a 5. He asked his mom to change schools. Another client was sent home in tears because he liked theatre more than sports. Furthermore, a young girl was publicly shamed because it was discovered that she was sending naked pictures of herself to boys she liked because she was told they would like her.
You see, when Timmy’s parents first called me for a consultation they where distraught. They had found Timmy’s phone lying on the counter while he was at soccer practice, and they decided to take a look. What they saw shocked them to say the least. In his SnapChat story, they saw pictures of him with huge clouds of smoke coming out of his mouth.
I want my teenager to take school seriously. I want to be done with all the back and forth arguing that happens every time I ask my teen to do anything around the house. If only my teen was respectful, would it be so much easier to hear his point of view.
Does this sound familiar? “Because I am your parent and I said so!” The next statement would sound like this, “well I am still not doing it and you can’t make me.” Ultimately, this exchange ends with a behavioral escalation and then consequences. None of which results in the desired task being completed.
In sports it is said that one rises to level of his competition. I suppose it could be conversely stated that one can also lower them to inferior completion. Overall I think this means that when presented a challenge that we are encouraged or expected to meet, we generally will outperform our expectations. This does not exempt us from failing to succeed or that we always reach our desired outcome, but it does make us think twice about how we set the bar for our challenging teens.
The year it all comes together. Yes, being a senior in high school is a time for reflection, a time to prepare for the next chapter, a time to say goodbye, and a time to celebrate. Wait a minute; it is still a school year, isn’t it? Doesn’t that mean there are still expectations to perform well and finish strong? With college admissions often based on the condition of maintaining academic performance, and scholarships dependent on performance as well, it is critical that senior year be taken just as seriously as all others. Enter the dreaded senior-itis.
Teen depression is not a phase. The risk of suicide among depressed teens is scary. Recent statistics show that more teenagers and young adults die from suicide than from cancer, heart disease, AIDS, birth defects, stroke, pneumonia, influenza, and chronic lung disease, combined. Each day in America, there are an average of over 5,240 attempts by young people grades 7-12.
Noted psychologist, Erick Erikson, described the period of adolescence in psycho-social terms of ego-identity vs. role confusion. I think all of us can relate to this explanation if we remember what life was like as a teenager. What clothes do I wear? What music do I listen to? How do I stay current with movies and shows so I don’t seem out of place?
As of 2017 6.4 million children in the United States had been diagnosed with ADHD. That translates to roughly 11% of all kids. So for those families, we need to give parent strategies that are practical and successful.
Fear of the unknown, fear of the future, fear of judgment or lack of acceptance, all of these are other ways of describing anxiety. Whatever the root cause or the irrational fear behind it, anxiety can be debilitating to the point of paralysis. For any person who deals with anxiety, the challenge lies in how to manage and eventually overcome the limitations that it creates, but for teens the impact speaks at a level of core beliefs that can drastically alter the trajectory of the developmental milestone of identity formation.
We all know the stories of teens hiding clothes in their backpacks so they can change at school. This allows them to avoid the conflict of arguing with their parents about their choice in clothing, yet still have their preferred style of self-expression. With the over-sexualized culture we live in, this can have devastating results.
Consequences are built on deterrence theory. The idea is that if you cause pain to me, I will cause pain of equal or greater value in return. Structuring a behavioral modification plan for your teen around this concept is doomed for failure. Over time your teen will develop consequence fatigue and lose interest in changing because the threat of losing no longer holds the same weight.
We have all heard, you are what you eat. What we don’t often realize is that our minds operate on the same premise that what we feed it will be used to build it. Now obviously our minds don’t actually eat, but they do process external messages and internal thoughts every moment of the day. So what do you do when you notice your teen has a poor self-concept, low self-esteem, or does not deal well with failure?
The risk posed by online predators to our sons and daughters is extraordinary. These men often pose as teens themselves and promise money, escape, and the attention that so many teens desperately crave. They have infiltrated every crevice of online life and are experts on how to appeal to the teen psyche.
It seems so long ago that we had to call a landline to get a hold of someone we wanted to have a conversation with. Long gone are the days where parents acted as the gatekeeper for who their kids talked to. Now it is as easy to talk to anybody you like with the click of a button, and with people posing as others on the Internet it is near impossible to be certain who your kid is actually talking to.