Online Spiritual Recovery - Self Help Resources: Recent Episodes
Roland Trujillo
Spiritual recovery resources. Overcome negative emotions, unhappiness, doubts and fears with the help of a complementary meditation. Roland is now retired but he still has lots of online resources to check out.
Psalm 145:18 throws a great deal of light on the question of how to pray: "The Lord is near to all them that call upon Him, to all that call upon Him in truth." That little expression "in truth" is worthy of study. If you will take your concordance and go through the Bible, you will find that this expression means "in reality," "in sincerity." The prayer that God answers is the prayer that is real, the prayer that asks for something that is sincerely desired.
The above reading is from the classic How to Pray by Reuben A. Torrey, published in 1900.
At one point, Christ said something like "The Father desires worshipers such as these who worship God in spirit and in truth." It is hard to pray when you are ill with a fever, for example. You are lost in delirium and cannot focus properly. Similarly, it is hard to pray when we are lost in our distractions.
Many times when I am at Starbucks or at the library to go online I see someone who comes in to study. He or she pulls out a textbook or notebook and begins to study, but after about 5 minutes, s/he inevitably reaches for the iPhone.
It is for this reason that I recommend beginning with the meditation available here. Most of us are lost in a semi stupor or trance state. We don't know that we are but the evidence of it is that everything pulls on your attention, you have difficulty focusing on things and even more importantly, you are lost in thinking. daydreaming, and the thought stream much of the time.>If you cannot study or focus properly, constantly reacting for your iPhone to check text messages or constantly lost in your music or video games, how are you going to pray properly?
Moreover, there is a residual effect that lingers after your texting, music, Internet or video game indulgence. It is called mental fog or brain fog.Understand this: texting, video games, excessive Internet use, music addiction, and so on are substitutes for the imagination. When you are not lost in your gadgets, then you are lost in daydreaming.
Thinking about what we just did, or what we plan to do, or about what someone said to us, even if only for less than a minute (though most of us daydream for much longer stretches) is daydreaming
When lost in thought, we are not fully there. You can drive right past your freeway exit.
All of this is to say that when the soul is immersed in the thought stream (or lost in emotional thinking) it is in a state where it cannot pray.But the person who learns to meditate properly is restored to objectivity.
In the Garden of Eden, the serpent was on the outside, but when the first humans sinned, the spirit got inside and it has been in people ever since. It is in all the educators, politicians and advertisers who promise you power, glory, greatness and happiness through education and material possessions. It is in all the love songs that sing the praises of naughtiness and carnal delights.
So learning to pray is, as Mr. Torrey properly points out, a matter of asking, of sincerity, and of praying in truth.The person who is not immersed in thinking and feeling, and mentally stands back from the thought stream is subject to God. And it is in this state that the soul is free to pray and free to pray sincerely.
When immersed in the thought stream, you are subject to post hypnotic influence, as well as the powerful imaginings that pull on your awareness. Down there, lost in the Alice in Wonderland world of fantasy and unreality, you are subject to whatever or whoever drove you into the imagination, and to whatever controls your imagination.
Most of our thoughts come from outside, and that is why when we are thus entranced, we are suggestible. Have you ever wondered why you do dumb things, say dumb things or spend too much money on something. later you could kick yourself "Why did I waste my money on that? you wonder.
But if you can regain the objective state (which you had when you were a little child, before you were upset by the world), then you will be free to pray. When you begin to meditate properly, you will discover that you will be able to concentrate for the first time. Before you were merely caught up in one thing or another. When your attention was captured by one thing and another you were distracted. When you fixated on one thing for a long time, you thought you were concentrating, but your attention had been captured.
In the objective state, you will be able to pray. But you will discover most likely that you don't even know what to ask for. You will realize your lack, and wanting to ask the right thing, but not knowing what it is, you are honestly at a loss, yet unwilling to do what is wrong. this sincere humble state calls upon the compassion of the Spirit, and the Holy Spirit will pray for you.
You may also realize, in this objective state, your own insincerity--i.e. you realize your selfishness and something false about yourself. This is good. Why? Because you are realizing in God's Light the truth about yourself. Seeing this truth, you are humbled and you realize your own helplessness. But it is this realization that is a comfort, because you know that it is God who is making your realize a truth about yourself, even though it is negative.In other words, you see the lesser negative truth (with a small t) about yourself in the light of the greater Truth (with a capital T).
You realize that God's Truth is shining a light on your wrong so that you can see it in the light and be repented of it and change for the better.Realizing the truth without resenting it thus frees you of having to put on a show for God or pretend.
You realize in His wordless Light that you are weak and don't know what to ask for, and it is comforting to the soul because it realizes that God knows you, and does not hate you for your wrong or your foolishness. You realize that in you prior state you did not know any better, and God forgives you for your errors. In this state, seeing that you honestly don't know what to do or to say, and yet being unwilling to do wrong, and sincerely yearning to do what is right--God knows what you need even before you ask. That is why there is no need for wordy prayers.
It basically frees you from having to do anything other than to meditate properly to come close to God. Going about your daily activities, you become more spontaneous, no longer feeling compelled or obligated to put on a show for God or anyone else. You have more time to enjoy the closeness to God and to ponder life and learn its meaning. Paul exhorts us to pray unceasingly, and I believe he is referring to the meditative life, where we become objective to thoughts and feelings, closer to the Light, and no longer immersed in daydreams, plans and schemes.
I also believe this is the prized state of mind that Christian mystics such as Madame Guyon, St. John of the Cross, Francois Fenelon, Miguel de Molinos, and Saint Francis de Sales had found. They tried to tell us about it and put it in the verbal coinage of the day. They used words like "prayer or contemplation," but I am sure they were referring to the objective state of awareness, mentally standing back from thought, and there finding communion with God. In a nutshell, ineffectual prayer is praying intellectually or emotionally, from the lower mind and with our consciousness caught up in external things and imagination. This is the state we all live in most of the time.
Occasionally we are awakened from our trance state (which becomes a comfort zone) with a wake up call like the morning after the night before, when we exclaim OMG, what did I do! Some people's wake up call comes y way of a brush with death, a heart attack, the piercing words of an honest friend who tells you the truth, or through the suffering of, say, cancer treatment. But even in such cases, most people do not stay awake. They cannot bear the truth and quickly lose themselves in their treatment, in study, drugs, or get caught up with some group or organized religion.
Perhaps now you can see why it is only the sincere soul, who deep down in a wordless way, yearns for truth and is willing to bear the truth because of a love of truth that can meditate, wake up and stay awake.If you can bear reading what I have been saying, perhaps you are one of the sincere souls destined to become a child of God who will benefit from the meditation.
Try the free meditation for mental clarity. It may be all you need!
Hello, everyone. This is Roland. Please take time to listen to this week's radio lecture about anger management, forgiving, and recovery.
This week's message:
"Love conquers all"
What you need to know about letting go of resentment, judgment and anger in order to be the real You and overcome evil.
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Click here for this weeks' reading to accompany the lecture.
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"Now the God of peace, that brought again from the dead our Lord Jesus, that great shepherd of the sheep, through the blood of the everlasting covenant, Make you perfect in every good work to do his will, working in you that which is wellpleasing in his sight, through Jesus Christ; to whom be glory for ever and ever. Amen."
Roland Trujillo, author of 18 books and 25 year radio advice host, can be heard live on
KMET 1490 AM in Palm Springs, CA
WNVY 1070 AM in Pensacola, Florida
WITK 15650 AM in Scranton, PA
Hello, this is Roland. Welcome. Here is the Easy Meditation. It is a wonderful little meditation exercise to help you get centered, banish negative thoughts, and get control of your emotions.
It is in two parts. Start with Part One - Getting Started. Do it a couple of times and then go on to Part Two - Getting Grounded.
Getting Started
Getting Grounded
If you like the easy meditation, listen to the 20 minute mini lecture about putting the patience and confidence you gain from the meditation into practice
Most of us can hardly focus because we are lost in thinking and imagining. We get lost in worries, fears and negative emotions. We keep thinking about the past and worrying about the future. Perhaps you have noticed this yourself.
We are distracted and not centered, so when problems arise, instead of solving them, we get lost in worries, doubts and fears. The unfinished business combined with feeling off balance and out of control leads to anxiety.
The fact is that most of us are lost in thinking and imagining. We are lost in our distractions.
Many times when I am at Starbucks or at the library I see someone who comes in to study. He or she pulls out a textbook or notebook and begins to study, but after about 5 minutes, s/he inevitably reaches for the mobile device and begins scrolling for text messages or emails. People need a powerful distraction to help them stop falling into compulsuve thinking and negative thoughts and emotions.
Why not meditate instead? It is free. It has no side effects. It helps you get free from worries in a positive way.
It is for this reason that I recommend beginning with the meditation available here.
If you cannot study or focus properly, constantly reaching for your iPhone to check text messages or constantly lost in your music or video games, how are you going to solve issues or even pray properly? Moreover, there is a residual effect that lingers after your texting, music, Internet or video game indulgence. It is called mental fog or brain fog.
When lost in thought, we are not fully there. You can drive right past your freeway exit.
All of this is to say that when people are immersed in the thought stream (or lost in emotional thinking), they are not totally there.
But the person who learns to meditate properly is restored to objectivity. Mentally standing back from thought, the person can observe thought instead of being lost in it.
Therefore, I recommend that you first clear the mind and learn to mentally stand back for objectivity.
The person who is not immersed in thinking and feeling, and mentally stands back from the thought stream is re-centered. Freedom and self sovereignty return.
When you begin to meditate properly, you will discover that you will be able to concentrate for the first time. Before you were merely caught up in one thing or another. When your attention was captured by one thing and another you were distracted. When you fixated on one thing for a long time, you thought you were concentrating, but your attention had been captured.
Once you begin to meditate, you will be in a state of mind which is receptive to common sense and problem solving.
Here is the very simple and easy meditation for beginners. It is in 2 parts.
Practice Part 1 three times and then do Part 2
Part 1 Getting Centered
Part 2 Getting Grounded
If you like the meditation, listen to the 20 minute mini lecture about putting the patience and confidence you gain from the meditation into practice
We suffer because we are deny ourselves love. Our bodies suffer when we deny them love. And other people suffer when we tempt them to judge or resent us, thereby cutting themselves off from love.
Love is from God. When we walk in His Light and find a bond with Him within through a change of heart, we then experience His love—first His correction, then His forgiveness, followed by His protection. When we experience His forgiveness, we can forgive others.
We must then also be honest with people. When you are not truthful with others, you are denying them love.
Why do we deny people love? Here are some of the reasons.
We do not understand that love must include truth. So we soften our words, hold our tongue, and try to never make anyone uncomfortable or feel bad. Thereby we allow them to continue in error.
We do not have faith in the power of Truth, and so we want people to be comfortable and experience a little happiness, without discomforting honesty.
Pain is the number one way to make people comply. That is why cruelty, deprivation, and punishment are rampant in this world. Pain is the way that the world gets obedience. It works in several ways. One way is because cruelty tempts the victim to become resentful. And when we are resentful, we thereby fall from love and all that is truly human.
This causes a terrible psychic pain. This change for the worse, when the soul senses itself falling and failing, is so painful that it makes the soul cry out for relief.
Chances are it will cry out for love from the very one that degraded it. Later in life, the pain associated with the traumatic fall makes the person want to do anything to make the pain go away.
Thereafter, whenever the victim remembers the cruelty that first degraded him, the pain makes him want to conform to anyone stronger in order ease the pain. Unfortunately, the pain can also make him want to lash out in violence and rage against whoever is weaker and happens to innocently bring the painful memory to mind.
Change is painful, even change for the better. The renowned waterfront philosopher Eric Hoffer aptly titled one of his books The Ordeal of Change. There is a dying or disintegration of a former way of doing things or of a former identity, and there is a taking on of a new way with which one is uncomfortable and unfamiliar.
Most change is for the worse. In the moment when we are treated cruelly (which can take a thousand forms, and usually first occurs in the family), and we respond with resentment—we die a little as the innocent human being we were and we take on a new way, the way of the cruel beast.
The cruelty can also make us doubt what is good and true. This doubt also makes for our changing for the worse, as we become a part of the world which made us doubt, and we give up the ideals and innocent pursuits of youth to become shallow and ambitious, just like the ones who tempted us.
The suffering makes us cling to the new dominant ones for reassurance for the altered thing we are becoming, and for comfort to assuage the pain.
Every time you react with resentment or judgment to some cruelty, a change for the worse occurs in you. A little bit of you dies, and it is replaced by a piece of the new order—the one behind the cruelty.
But pain can be a good thing when it is pain from our conscience, making us aware of the fact that something is wrong. Every tension tells a story: it tells of conflict. It tells of long ago when you were forced or seduced into doing something that was not in accord with what you knew was right in your heart.
Every reaction tells a story: it tells of a faithless, angry response. It may have begun when you were a little child and someone was pressuring you. Every symptom tells a story. They tell us that we have been reacting wrongly to the stresses in the environment. They tell us that we have been prideful, and thus doubly sensitive to the vicissitudes of life, which we take personally.
Then there is the awareness of conflict within with an identity that is not us. It causes the pain of seeing how we are just as impatient as our parents or whoever harmed us. It entered us in those moments of unconsciousness when we indulged in some illicit and forbidden thing, which includes hatred.
We are all dying, and in the process we are slowly becoming the very thing we hate. It is the netherworld identity that drives us and compels us to cruelties, impatience, and atrocities. It came from the impatient authorities we once hated, and now in us, it does unto others what was done to us.
Be glad if you are aware of this internal conflict. Realize that of yourself, you are powerless against it. But if you turn from your wrongs, through seeing that they are wrong in the Light of Truth, and call upon God with helpless regret and a cry for help, then He answers and deals with the identity.
In absolute terms, there is only one change for the better—it is the change that occurs when we experience repentance in the light. We see our wrongs and lament them. We see the lies of the world and how we were misled. We see our own lack of commitment to what is right, and thus our weakness that permitted us to be led astray.
We then turn from our wrongs and begin to live anew as a simple person instead of the hard ambitious resentful thing we had become.
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From the desk of Pastor Roland.
Hello, this is Pastor Roland. Guess what? Lord willing, I'll be around on Thanksgiving Day to answer prayer requests.
I'll even be at the computer to live chat.
Would you like me to say a prayer for you?
Send me an email using the contact form below.
Tell me your first name and what you would like me to pray for.
Tell me your first name or nickname please. And please give me enough detail so I know what I am to pray for.
I will start praying for you right away.
It is that simple. As soon as I get your request I begin to pray for you.
Pastor Roland is the author of 18 books and has been helping people for over 25 years. Submit your prayer request 24/7
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Eating Issues - A spiritual odyssey in search of health,wholeness, fulfillment and love
*"This much I know," said Augustine, "I should take my food as my medicine."
“I am a better person when I have less on my plate.”
Elizabeth Gilbert, Eat, Pray, Love*
This book was originally written a few years ago when I found out that a good friend was diagnosed with cancer. Since that time I have continued my spiritual journey and continue to ponder and make discoveries about our fallen human condition. What I write is the result of my own searching. I present it with gratitude, and I offer it in the hope that it will be of help to you.
I recently read a fact sheet from the American Obesity Association which revealed that one third of Americans are obese. Another fact sheet discussed the correlation between obesity and diabetes, kidney problems, and certain types of cancer.
This morning I was paging through a popular magazine at the supermarket checkout counter, and I saw many pictures and several stories about well known Hollywood stars suffering from anorexia nervosa, bulimia, weight and dieting issues, compulsive eating, alcohol or substance abuse.
A person can have no weight issues, no substance issues, and eat the very best organic food available, and yet be perfectly miserable. That person will be surprised to discover the very subtle involvement of food and food substances in their unhappiness and lack of fulfillment.
Though we must eat to live, we must learn to eat so that our food does feed what is wrong with us. Because the effect is by its nature unconscious, it takes a good detective and a very aware observer to detect its subtle impact on our well being.
For example, the perennial question "why do good people do bad things?" can be answered in part by the fact that people often do bad things when they are in a trance. People do wrong or foolish things when under the spell of emotions or the influence of drugs. But believe it or not, the mere act of eating has an effect on our consciousness.
Eating introduces a mild trance state. When we eat, we are suddenly less aware, less disciplined, and more suggestible. It is no coincidence that office affairs often begin with an invitation to a cup of coffee or a lunch.
People exert their will through food. It often begins at home—where when you accepted mother's food, you also accepted her will. Is it any wonder that we develop a love hate/relationship with food? Food represents comfort. Food fills the emptiness. But food also represents someone's will, and we end up struggling with food through transference, when what we are really struggling with is the spirit of the one who imposed her will on us.
A few years ago, Dr. Margo Maine coined the phrase "father hunger," and in her book Father Hunger: Fathers, Daughters, and Food, she discusses the importance of father in a child's life.
I have been saying the same thing for 25 years. Love is what we need to fill the emptiness. Father represents God in the eyes of the child, and when father is distant, it is to the child as if God is distant. It is resentment toward our failing father that separates us from our inner ground of good and leads to and sustains a host of emotional, eating and body image issues.
It is fortunate that resolution and recovery can take place despite an absent or distant father. Through understanding, we can learn to forgive our failing father and unloved mother, and through forgiveness find the love of the Father Spirit within.
We all like sheep have gone astray. We sense something missing in our lives. We sought the love of the world or the love of food, but when worldly love and food betray us, we are stuck with seeking more of the love that does not fulfill, like drinking sea water, or seeking stronger ways of numbing the pain and filling the emptiness.
Nowhere does the mysterious effect of food become more evident than when we are faced with a serious health issue. We may suspect that somehow food was involved in its inception and development, and we also sense that something about food might be a key to recovery.
Food is subtly involved in the tragedies of our lives. It also reinforces what we have become and prevents our finding our true self we might have been. Even the eating of cultural food somehow contributes to keeping us divided rather than experiencing unconditional love for and solidarity with our fellow humans from other traditions.
Though a person does not have an obvious food issue, he or she is still under the spell of cultural food, as well as misdirections, and errors associated with a fallen culture and its food. We must understand food if we are to resolve our issues and find love for one another.
If food has played a role in our cultural divides, and in our emotional, spiritual and health issues, we may discover the resolution of our struggle with issues through understanding them in light of the food connection. Perhaps with understanding, our food might become our partner in recovery, and we might find the love we have been searching for all our lives.
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Do you suffer from stress? If you do, please read this message. It could save your life. Excessive stress is harmful, especially when it is from being angry and upset. Most of us are still reacting emotionally to pressure. It’s not the pressure that hurts us, but our emotional reaction to it.
Let’s look at anger, for example. Anger is one of our biggest faults. Anger means that we have judged another. Anger means that we have reacted--bypassing understanding, and permitting our body to get ready for fight or flight. Getting angry may have an occasional useful purpose in the animal kingdom, but with us humans it is clearly dysfunctional. First of all, anger results in domestic violence, road rage, and misery. Anger never helps anything. It only makes things worse, breaking down relationships and sometimes ruining them forever. If the above weren’t bad enough, anger also destroys health. After all, in nature, anger is directed at some tangible enemy animal to prepare to fight. But how can you fight a traffic jam or a bill? But that is exactly what we do—we get mad at situations and inanimate objects that are impossible to fight. So what happens? A build up of adrenalin and other bodily changes cause wear and tear on the body. We literally self-destruct through our indulgence of anger. And when we don’t suppress it into high blood pressure or ulcers, then we express it by dumping on the nearest available victim. We get mad at traffic and then scream at our kids. This is a terrible injustice. Once you get angry, it’s difficult to reestablish control and undo the damage--the water is already over the dam. You either have to repress, suppress or dump on an innocent person. None of these is good. The answer is not to get angry in the first place. Impossible, you say? I say it is not only possible but easily accomplished, with just a little attitude adjustment and the help of the meditation we offer. Each soul has access to the Inner Light of Truth, which is from God. We call it intuition, a wordless hunch, or conscience. It is what we know in our heart. And intuition is there when we are not lost in thinking and emotion. Here are some examples of intuition in action. A man was going to get in a car with some friends, but something wordlessly held him back. He didn’t go. He later heard that the car crashed. He was saved by a wordless warning from his intuition, which, if we are attuned to it and heed it, protects us from danger and evil. After we fail to heed our intuition and do something wrong, it is still there to make us right again. Here’s a little true story to serve as an example to illustrate what I mean. One time a man was angry at a lady for cutting in front of him in traffic. He yelled out the window at the lady. Suddenly he saw the face of her little girl, who was sitting in the car next to her mother. The little girl burst into tears. When the man saw this he was shocked into awakening to see his own error (anger). He was awakened to know in his heart that he was wrong. He stopped yelling, pulled to the side of the road and quietly wept. His conscience (intuition) made him aware that his anger was wrong. This time, instead of denying conscience, he acknowledged it and yielded to it. He became a better man for it. Here’s another example. A lady’s friend got sick and went to the hospital. The lady had been so busy rushing around in a huffy way. When her friend became ill, the lady woke up to realize what is truly important in life. Her friend got well; and the lady remembered the lesson she learned. She realized that she had been rushing around but not attending to the important things in life. Most of us have wake up calls along the way. But wouldn’t it be better if we were awake all the time? Living life properly on a moment to moment basis? That is precisely what proper meditation will do. It puts you in touch with your God given intuition. Then, going out into the world, already delicately connected to love and understanding that flow through the intuition, you are prepared (pre-armed with patience and understanding) for whatever vicissitudes you might meet in life. Learn how to be calm in the moment of stress, and you will keep your dignity and have a chance to recover from being upset.
An excerpt from Dr. Roland Trujillo's new book on Integrative Recovery Strategies for StressMost of us are in the habit of reacting to things. And thus, any change that occurs we react to, and then are forced to adapt to. Our reaction uses up energy and makes us feel drained. A person who does not react, but who takes things in stride, with equanimity and poise, will find it much easier to deal with the changes in the new job. It is our reactions that make us tense, upset, tired, and drained. When we are young, and our energy level is higher and our recuperative powers greater, we can get away with over-reacting to things. But when we are older, we cannot. That is why some people withdraw from life--they cannot cope with things to which they know they will over-react. While we are on the subject, most of us find ourselves tired, drained, upset, and tense when we come home from our present job. In this case, there is no change, although the job may have excessive demands. But if it is a decent, manageable job, why is it that we are tense and upset by work? The answer is because we are over-reacting to things. And you will recall that a reaction is evidence of a fall. If a person is at a higher plane—a calm nonresponsive observer—s/he is not subject to temptation. It is the present or past temptation to which we have responded that causes the devolutionary changes in us and renders us sensitive to the demands at that lower level. So you see, there is natural stress and unnatural stress. The natural stress involves the natural conditions that we must deal with: changes in temperature, work to be done, and so on. In our present fallen condition, which we inherit, we are subject to natural stresses. These natural stresses do use up our adaptive energy, and when it is all used up, we die. We cannot help this condition (though I believe that even today, not everyone has to die). We inherit the life that leads to death. Unless we find salvation, it is all we have. But we are more likely to remain healthy and not die before our time if we don't over-react to life's vicissitudes. Now let us discuss the unnatural stresses which most of us bring upon ourselves. These unnatural stresses are the result of reacting pridefully or resentfully, excitedly or angrily, fearfully and faithlessly to external conditions. Early in our lives, these over-reactions are to be expected in that we are born as naive egos, and the only way we know how to grow is through compensation. We have to react to develop as egos. We respond to little challenges—when we play and discover. That's how we develop our ego, our mind and our bodies too. Kids are emotional and react with surprise, glee, excitement, and they relate emotionally to family and friends. Some kids like to ride on a roller coaster and enjoy screaming on the ride, and kids will go to a scary movie in order to shriek at monsters on the screen. Such things are natural. It is also natural that we react angrily or excitedly to things, and respond to these sorts of ego challenges too. But as we mature, we should outgrow our childish reactions. We should mature and become calmer and more reasonable. We should become more settled in our ways and less prone to resentfully compensate for some perceived loss. But perhaps you can see that even the "natural" is unnatural. Humans were not meant to react and compensate, growing like animals. Were it possible to refind our inner environment close to God, we might become responsive to the inner world of good and nonresponsive to the external. Ascending to higher levels of awareness, we might be able to upgrade the body to not be sensitive to even natural stresses. But let’s talk about the unnatural stresses to which we react. We have already mentioned the fact that certain conditions provide natural stress, but if we over-react then it becomes unnatural. Going to work is a natural and healthy stress. But overreacting with anger, judgment, or upset to things at the workplace renders them to be unnatural. The spiritual fall (from the resentment, judgment and hostility) render the body sensitive and actually cause the body to devolve below the level of that stress. In other words, our reaction renders us subject to the condition, and then it has the power to control us and take our energy. Moreover, it is one thing to react emotionally, and another thing to add resentment to it. You can't help but be startled if someone sneaks up and says "boo" behind you, but you do have control over whether you resent being startled. It is one thing to run from a fight, but it is another to resent and hate the person you ran from. It is one thing to trip over a chair and cry when your knee hurts; but it is another to also get angry and resentful toward the chair. In the Garden of Eden, it was Adam’s response to the temptation that degraded him and caused a devolution in his lifetime. Originally he had the highest place in creation. But he became subject to his wife, to temptation, to lies, to the spoken word, and to food. To this very day, we are sensitive to lies and to words. Everywhere men are sensitive to women. And we all have obvious or very subtle food problems. We are subject and sensitive. And our struggle with our subjectivity or sensitivity only increases its hold over us--as you have undoubtedly found out. We are born subject, and in our life we go on to add our own personal sins that render us sensitive and subject to many things. Hence our attractions and aversions, our allergies, our upsets, our compulsions, and our loves and hates. When you react to temptation you become subject to it. And when we are already subject, by inheritance, to something (such as words, for example), our own reactions only add to our sensitivity and subjectivity. When we discover that we are subject, we then resent whatever it is that has enslaved or upset us. But resentment is just another reaction that adds to our plight. It is by this same mechanism that we become enslaved to the flesh. Our spiritual fall in the face of temptation causes us to become sensitive to and subject to whatever is in the scene of the fall. Not only do we become subject to the external, but we also become subject to our reaction. And so, it comes to pass that we become completely enslaved. Our efforts to struggle with any of the above only give it more power over us and weaken us. We are left with enslavement and dependency and excuses, and looking for symptom removal for our symptoms. Now, when we react to external temptation, we take in not only the scene but the message, overt or hidden. That's why we become so suggestible, and mostly for the worse.
We also become sensitive to informational packages emanating from living matter in the scene. This is particularly true in the case of other people. Our fall in their presence renders us sensitive to the mysterious hold that they, as environment, have on us. The environment has a mysterious hold on the organism. Mysterious emanations from the environment sustain the organism, control it, maintain its identity, and comfort it. This called animal magnetism. When we fall into the flesh, our flesh becomes not only sensitive to others (who were the occasion of our fall), but also subject to their animal magnetism. Here are a couple examples. If you resent someone, you will find yourself sensitive to their mere presence, not only their smell or appearance, but even physical energies and psychical emanations from them. Likewise, when you have been tempted to like someone, you will find that they have a hold on you. Most of us become subject to whatever group we are in. Soon we go along with the group and it becomes our leader. Our inability to say no to others, especially when they pressure us, has to do with having fallen in the presence of people. It is people, after all, that mostly cause us to fall. Perhaps now you can see why men are so sensitive to women. It has to do with an original fall, as well as their own personal fall--beginning with the willfulness, seductions and cruelties of their own mother. Boys who were teased in a locker room (and fell through resentment) may find themselves sensitive to the presence of boys or find themselves drawn to locker rooms.
The drawing power of sin has to do with its becoming our environment. Animals are drawn to their natural environment. We are drawn to the physical environments in which we were tempted and fell. Whenever we fall spiritually, we also fall physically. And what we fell to—spiritually and physically—becomes our environment. Can you see that there is both inherited sensitivity and acquired sensitivity. Men are born sensitive to women, and women are born sensitive to failing men. But in our lifetimes we go on to add and complicate the inherited sensitivity through our own personal falls. Our problems grow as we become resentful and begin to fall in various environments. Before long we are sensitive to work, home, people, school, and just about everything in our environment. This sensitivity can be pleasurably distracting. And as we become adapted, it becomes comforting. It becomes our environment to which we are drawn and which has power over us. But it can also be painful, when our reactions (as in the case of allergies) are unpleasant, draining, or even life threatening. It is also painful when we realize that we are enslaved. In order to recover, you must find the Eternal Unchangeable Source within. This is the proper atmosphere and environment for your soul. When through a pure yearning for truth and a willingness to change, you find that you can meditate for objectivity, then your soul will be drawn near to the inner Light. From this calm, neutral vantage point, you will be able to observe reactions instead of being caught up in them. In fact, the soul will begin to respond more and more to the invisible truth within, and less and less to external appeals and demands. As the soul learns to be faithful to inner direction, it is able to be patient. And when the soul has a proper Authority, the body will learn to be respectful towards and obedient to the soul.
The inner Heavenly order will impress itself upon every cell and every atom of your being. Just as previously, external chaos and error impressed themselves upon the body.
The soul is perfected in patience and faithfulness. And the body is perfected as the Light shines upon errors and ailments that came to afflict the body. As time goes by, repressed illness that had been in hiding will be brought forth in the Light for healing. Also old ailments that you thought were healed, but had not been healed properly (and were merely repressed or transferred) will re-emerge. This is so that proper healing can take place. As the body becomes disciplined and nonreactive, there will be more natural energy for healing and recovery. And there will not be new emotional upsets and bouts of worrying that used to interfere with getting better. The most recent reactions and errors, and resulting sensitivity and subjectivity, will be dealt with first; then the next further back and so on. Eventually the original sin and error will be seen, so as to be dealt with by the Light.
Ultimately there is only one first step toward true healing, and that is a change of attitude. When we become willing to see and admit our wrongs, even willing to see something wrong with our attitude, the process of repentance can begin. Repentance is a process of seeing our wrong, being sorry, mourning, realizing forgiveness, letting go of baggage, and being grateful for being forgiven. When a person is willing to forgive, often because they have been willing to see their own wrong, then their attitude changes. With a humble polarity, the soul is no longer compatible with or in need of angry bitter memories to hang onto. These memories that came about in moments of resentment and judgment now no longer serve any purpose. By our willingness to forgive others, our Heavenly Father is also willing to forgive us. And when He does, we find it easier to turn around and forgive others. Most of us have rarely known forgiveness. All we have experienced is blame. Most of us have never experienced love. All we’ve known is consoling comfort and distraction or the sympathy of others. Such consolation and sympathy cannot help you get better. We even resent such consolation because we sense its falsity and the temptation in it. But once we respond to God’s (at first chastising) love with repentance and joy, we then become aware of His forgiveness. Once we know that love exists and we experience it first hand, it is easier for us to stop hating and judging others. In God’s Light of Truth, we see the wrong of hating others, judging them and holding a grudge against them. From that point on, whenever we see a memory where we had resented someone or judged them, we realize the error and let go of the sustaining resentment. Soon the memory is also gone. It is in this way that after the seed change of attitude, we see our errors one by one and they melt away. I doubt if anyone can truly see their wrong attitude unless the Light of Truth shines in their soul and they are open to its admonishments. Otherwise, the prideful person goes from cradle to the grave, ever looking for self justification. Death is inevitable result of pride and sin. And so are the preconditions to death that are set up by our pridefulness. Of course, it is better to eat healthy food than unhealthy food. It is better to live a moral lifestyle than an immoral one. It is better to be calmer than to be upset. It is better to be amicable than hostile. It is better to live within the bounds of propriety, modesty and moderation than to engage in risky practices. But ultimately, something more is needed. Good food cannot save you. Healthy common sense living may help you to live longer, but living longer is only of value if it gives you time to repent, find the purpose of your existence and search for the secret of life. Nothing can save you other than a return to the faith of the innocent—a reliance and trust in God that begins with a willingness to be chastised and humbled.
an excerpt from Roland's new book on complementary integrated recovery strategies for emotional trauma
Talk To a Pastor Online : Scholarships Available Soon for people who cannot ...: Special Announcement from Talk to a Pastor Online People from around the world visit this site looking for answers. Some are dealing wi...
I recently came across this little 2 minute excerpt from an interview of Deepak Chopra by Oprah Winfrey.
Oprah asks him what is the difference between prayer and meditation. Chopra responds that prayer is talking to God and meditation is allowing God to speak to you. But the Spirit speaks in silence and it then manifests as intuition and inspiration.
Sometimes I marvel at what people say and how close they come to the truth. He says it brilliantly.
Deepak Chopra Explains the Difference Between Meditation and Prayer
Santa and Mrs. Claus are master mentors when it comes to parenting. Want a good read? Would you like to follow Santa and Mrs. Claus as they deal with parenting issues with love and wisdom?
Santa Claus has finally spoken on the subject of parenting. Who is better suited to give advice than the one who has brought joy and delight to children for as long as anyone can remember? In this fictional account, Santa commissioned author and lecturer Roland Trujillo to publish this book after granting an interview with him at the North Pole.
What are "time outs Santa Style?"
How does Santa handle discipline and communication issues?
What's on Santa's do's and don'ts list?
What is Santa's secret to making chores fun and easy?
What does Santa say to parents about getting off to a good start?
You'll find the answers to these questions and more in this book, destined to become a classic. Roland's new book is a Santa story for grownups with many teachable moments. Your kids will listen when you say "Santa says."
Can't wait? - preview free now in Kindle
It's better than attending a class and you don't even have to leave home or use any gas.
I know what you are going to say, because I have heard it before. .I even heard it from a nice lady who was a receptionist at an office I used to visit. I told her that I was writing a book about parenting. ."What are you writing about right now?" she asked.
I said: "Right now I'm writing about how awful it is to force a child to stay in her room just because she was a little slow in cleaning her room. "
She said: "That's what I do with my daughter. I make her stay in her room."
I shook my head. This nice lady has thick glasses on, and I could see a picture behind her desk of a little angelic looking girl with thick glasses on (I'm guessing this was her daughter). I said, "Why don't you try patience?"Do you know what she said?She said, "I tried patience and it doesn't work!" .I assured her that patience does work. *You see--she, like so many other parents, doesn't think that patience will work.
It's because she never gave it a chance. No wonder she says it doesn't work..You see, patience never fails..Well, here's something I know for sure. Patience=love. .So now I am going to prove to you that patience does work. .I know that if I can convince you that patience works, both you and your child will be much happier. .All you have to do is preview the book free and you will have discovered several strategies that are based in patience and that really work..I will be happy if Santa helps improve your relationship with your child.*
Written in the tradition of LePetit Prince and Jonathan Livingston Seagull, this magical little book is the best kept secret in parenting literature. It can be read as a heart warming story; but like Le Petit Prince, it also is filled with profound insights and meaning.
Santa's Take on Parenting can be read over and over. It has the amazing quality of sparking new insight each time it is read. It makes a great gift.
But don't take my word for it. Read it for yourself.Shadow Santa and Mrs. Claus as they demonstrate their skills in gently but firmly guiding two kids with issues who are visiting with them.* Find out the secrets to their success.
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Discover what Santa's skills are and why they work.
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Let Santa and Mrs. Claus be your mentors!
Incidentally, just as parenting is a year round job, so is learning and developing your parenting skills! Don't wait until the holidays.
"Dr. Roland Trujillo PhD and Senior Pastor has written the book (now at Amazon.com) on alternatives to spanking. It is called Santa's Take on Parenting: Secrets from the North Pole. It will actually mentor you in learning how to apply patience and wisdom in working with your kids. It is also one of the sweetest books ever written and is right up there with Miracle on 34th Street as an all time reminder of what love is all about. "
"Little kids don't need discipline, they need direction and redirection. They need watching with love, kindness, and patience. Older kids need the loving presence of an involved aware parent. They need mentoring, coaching, and a parent who sets a good example. I'm going to tell you the truth. Time outs or spanking are poor substitutes for patience and wisdom.
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Written in the tradition of Le Petit Prince and Jonathan Livingston Seagull, this beautiful little book can be read as a heart warming story; but like Le Petit Prince, it also is filled with profound insights and meaning. Santa's Take on Parenting can be read over and over, and it makes a great gift.
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Shadow Santa and Mrs. Claus as they demonstrate their skills in gently but firmly guiding two kids who are visiting with them.
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Find out the secrets to their success.
-
Discover what Santa's skills are and why they work.
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Let Santa and Mrs. Claus be your mentors!
Incidentally, just as parenting is a year round job, so is learning and developing your parenting skills! Don't wait until the holidays.
Click here to preview at Amazon.com in both quality paperback and in Kindle.
Now at Barnes and Noble Nookbook. In color!.I know that if I can convince you that patience works, both you and your child will be much happier.
.All you have to do is preview the the book or the eBook free and you will have discovered several strategies that are based in patience and that really work..
I will be happy if Santa helps improve your relationship with your child.
Santa Claus has finally spoken on the subject of parenting. Who is better suited to give advice than the one who has brought joy and delight to children for as long as anyone can remember? In this fictional account, Santa commissioned author and lecturer Roland Trujillo to publish this book after granting an interview with him at the North Pole. What are "time outs Santa Style?" How does Santa handle discipline and communication issues? What's on Santa's do's and don'ts list? What is Santa's secret to making chores fun and easy? What does Santa say to parents about getting off to a good start? You'll find the answers to these questions and more in this book, destined to become a classic. Roland's new book is a Santa story for grownups with many teachable moments. Your kids will listen when you say "Santa says."
What others are saying about Santa's Take
"Every parent should read this book."
--Suzy, real estate broker, San Francisco, CA
"Your book is great and should go over well."
Dee, principal, Anderson, CA
“Santa's Take on Parenting" is a real find. I was looking for a book that makes the case for positive and creative parenting without spanking or excessive reliance on punishment.
I plan to provide a copy to my moms and dads who are just getting started or soon to be parents. I also wish to make it "required reading" for parents who need some coaching in positive parenting. Santa's Take will make learning about parenting fun and easier for lots of busy parents.— Mary, parent educator, Emeryville, CA.
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“Whimsical" After I read Santa's Take on Parenting, I gave a copy to my adoptive and foster parent agency to have in their lending library. — Alicia, mother of three, Northern California
Your kids will listen when you say "Santa says."
..Ideal for parents, grandparents, foster parents and anyone who loves kids..
Order the beautiful quality paperback edition at Amazon.com as a gift for someone you love
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10% of every dollar is donated directly to needy shelters for people (and pets too)!
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and now available for Kindle too!
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A Word to Parents, Foster Parents and Grandparents
The Issue:
You like giving books as gifts, but you want to give a book that is fun and useful. You need a book for a dad, a mom, a teenage mom, a friend, or someone who just works with kids.
The Solution:
Santa's Take on Parenting reads like a novel, is good for both moms and dads, has dozens of parenting tips, and is fun to read.
The Issue:
You know someone who could use some fresh ideas for dealing with their kids. But you don't want to be intrusive or raise resistance.The Solution:
Santa's Take on Parenting is a fun read and it has lots of creative positive ideas without being heavy handed. It can be read as a good story or as a parenting book.
No Particular Issue, you're just interested in parenting and want to read a good book.
The Solution: Santa's Take on Parenting
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Use this special link, and 20% of every dollar will be donated directly to needy shelters for people (and pets too!)
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People would like to know what their dreams mean.
Over many years on the radio Roland has answered lots of questions about coping with stress and improving relationships.
As the years have gone by, Roland has gotten better at answering questions and his spiritual knowledge has deepened.
"Hi, this is Roland. A few months ago I began to develop an interest in helping people with their dreams. Most of us have had dreams where we really wondered what it meant.
Now I would like to help people with spiritual dream interpretation, spiritual dream interpretation, and positive dream analysis. What does my dream mean? is being asked more and more.
Dreams are important. They are a land where we can learn to cope and deal with situations. A dream can be either a way of learning about yourself and perhaps working things out psychologically. it can also be a message from God.
Dreams are both psychological and symbolic.
Dreams can also be a barometer to give you a clue about your mental and emotional state. (and indicate, for example, that you are under stress, working too hard, or not dealing properly with someone in your life.
For a while, I will entertain dream questions at free chat and free email. If the questions are not good or people are taking advantage or being dishonest, I will have to answer dream interpretation questions only for a small fee at Liveperson. In fact, if you don't mind paying $5.00, I will give your questions priority at Liveperson.
Remember, if you can't afford the $5, I will answer your dream question for free. Just click on the contact tab
But I will give it a try and if the questions are good and people are grateful, I will answer questions for free.
The only thing is that you must be at least 18 years of age. Not all questions can be answered.
It is also good if you check out my radio programs and perhaps try the meditation. When you are calm and centered, you will be in a better position to benefit from dream analysis.
Click on contact tab to send me an email
Click on the free live chat button in the right sidebar
Or go to my Liveperson virtual office and send me an email.
Your friend,
Roland
P.S. I just found a very lovely book which I think you might enjoy. It is called The History of Last Night's Dream: Discovery the Hidden Path to the Soul by Roger Kamenetz.
Read Does God Talk to Us in our Dreams? by Dr. Roland
Roland will provide a detailed dream interpretation by email is only $5.00 at Liveperson
If you can't afford the fee, I will help you with your dream for free.
Over many years on the radio Roland has answered lots of questions about coping with stress and improving relationships.
As the years have gone by, Roland has gotten better at answering questions and his spiritual knowledge has deepened.
"Hi, this is Roland. A few months ago I began to develop an interest in helping people with their dreams. Most of us have had dreams where we really wondered what it meant.
Now I would like to help people with Christian dream interpretation, spiritual dream interpretation, and positive dream analysis. What does my dream mean? is being asked more and more.
Dreams are important. They are a land where we can learn to cope and deal with situations. A dream can be either a way of learning about yourself and perhaps working things out psychologically. it can also be a message from God.
Dreams are both psychological and symbolic.
Dreams can also be a barometer to give you a clue about your mental and emotional state. (and indicate, for example, that you are under stress, working too hard, or not dealing properly with someone in your life.
For a while, I will entertain dream questions at free chat and free email. If the questions are not good or people are taking advantage or being dishonest, I will have to answer dream interpretation questions only for a small fee at Liveperson. In fact, if you don't mind paying $5.00, I will give your questions priroity at Liveperson.
But I will give it a try and if the questions are good and people are grateful, I will answer questions for free.
The only thing is that you must be at least 18 years of age. Not all questions can be answered.
It is alson good if you check out my radio programs and perhaps try the meditation. When you are calm and centered, you will be in a better position to benefit from dream analysis.
Click on contact tab to send me an email
Click on the free live chat button in the right sidebar
Or go to my Liveperson virtual office and send me an email.
Your friend,
Roland
The following is an excerpt from a chapter of Dr. Roland's new book. It contains metaphysical and psychospiritual wisdom gleaned from a quarter century of research and working with people.
Putting the Forever Back in Love - advanced concepts in relationship building is now available to download to your computer
It is obvious and comical to observe a person who has been hypnotized on stage do some foolish thing post hypnotically that he was told to do by the hypnotist.
Asked why he did it, the person makes up a reason. Even when informed that the hypnotist had told him to do it, the person usually refuses to believe it. Why did the Lord make us so that when we do something under another's will we think we thought of it and willed it ourselves? He wants humans to have their own personhood and sense of independence.
All of us like a sense of accomplishment. We like to discover things and figure things out for ourselves. We like to solve puzzles and build things. If we had no sense of self, we could not know the joy of self-determination.All good comes from the Lord, and so discovery and true helpfulness are more a function of God's truth and love than of ourselves. But without a sense of selthood, we could not reciprocally love God after being loved and blessed by Him.
As an analogy, each beautiful plant—whether rose, orange tree, or magnolia—is an individual, unique and with great beauty and usefulness. But actually, it is the light and warmth of the sun that make it all possible. The plant is a sun dependent creature, using the light and warmth of the sun to fashion its own uniqueness.
Yet although the plant can have a natural affection for the warmth of the sun, it cannot know God, appreciate Him or love Him. In an absolute sense, the plant is dependent on God, because He created and sustains the sun. But in a practical sense, the plant is dependent on the sun, its source of life.Man does not live by bread alone, the Bible says. In order to be truly human we need wisdom to deal with other people, and we need patience and understanding.
Without wisdom, patience and understanding, we begin to falter. The Creator is the source of wisdom and understanding. Thus it is obvious that we are dependent on Him for these. The plant cannot get light and warmth from other plants. It needs the earthly sun on which it is dependent. The human soul cannot get patience and understanding from other people.
The human must get them directly from the spiritual sun: the Creator. Kids are looking for something from their parents. Wives are looking for something from their husbands. Kids and decent women are teasing for patience and understanding.Where will the husband and father get the patience and wisdom to deal with his wife and children? Directly from the sun: the spiritual light and warmth of the Creator, which contains patience and understanding.
You can't get the magical spiritual light and warmth from ministers, counselors, experts, gurus, lovers, or anyone.
But wait! Didn't I just say that the father should have wisdom and understanding? He can, if he finds an inner bond with the Creator. Then the essence gleaned enters him and through the emptiness of his yearning and humility, he becomes a conduit for love and understanding.
The good father is not the source of love and understanding. But the love and understanding shine through him.
His fatherly, corrective, emotionless love tends to throw people back on themselves, expose their ploys, gently correct them, and remind them of principles. By respecting him and by having what they know in their heart validated on the outside, they remain free to one day bond with their Inner Light to become a child of God.
Women tease for love and correction from having to play the role of temptress. They are looking for love—the love of the father they have never known. When they do not get it—but instead get sex love or abuse, or are used as a mother to their husband's baby ego—they then take his earthy life instead. Not getting agape love, they drain him of his energy.
Most people and most relationships are animalistic in that animals, being one step from the sun, are dependent on plants or on each other for life force.
Animals do not have a direct relationship with the sun; only plants have a direct relationship with the sun, whereby they glean life-sustaining energy. Animals get their energy second hand, even through draining each other. Animals kill each other, not just for meat, but also for life force.
Humans were meant to have a direct relationship with the Creator, getting their motivation, energy, creativity and purpose directly from the Creator's Spiritual Sun, just as a plant relates directly to the earthly sun.
Decadent humans, fallen away form a direct relationship with the Spiritual Sun, live off each other—robbing, plundering and seducing life force from each other in order to survive in a vampire-ghoulish existence.
That is why you must learn to meditate, to go within and find a bond with the inner Light from God.
You will then become dependent on Him for guidance, love, and above all, patience. You will no longer live off others, and others will not live off you. You will become truly independent from others (because of your dependence on God).
You can also be anywhere in the world. I talk to people from many countries. Here are the most internet users by country. I've had visitors from all these countries and talked to people from many more.
Want to know where most of my friends are? Here are my top countries: United States, United Kingdom, Canada, Russia, India, Germany, Australia, France, Philippines, and Brazil. I also have friends in Nigeria and Pakistan, Eastern Europe, New Zealand, Jamaica, Norway and the list goes on and on. I love you all!
This is a full service Pastor Chat. I have free chat for good people around the world who can't afford anything or who just don't know a pastor they feel comfortable asking a question. I also have podcasts of radio lectures and sermons.
For those who have a big issue they want to talk about, I have counseling by Skype, phone, email or live texting chat at Liveperson.
I honestly believe I have the finest personal pastoral service on the web today. I have been counseling and coaching people with life and relationship issues for 23 years. I have a Doctorate in Pastoral Psychology and am the author of 14 books.
But even more importantly, I care about people. I care so much I will tell you the truth. I care so much I have been doing this as a volunteer for 23 years.
How it all started.
It all started with my radio program. One day I walked into the offices of KEST Radio in San Francisco and inquired about buying air time. I bought some air time and got started. I've been on the air ever since. I talked to people about being more forgiving, about being patient with their kids, about how to start letting go of anger.
I saw that people need help calming down and becoming objective and unemotional. People need to be able to stand back and look calmly at what is bothering them. But most people can't. They are lost in thinking, constantly pulled on by distractions, and generally lost in a drug induced or emotional fog. This makes them confused and anxious when they see how out of control they are. Unfortunately medication and self medication only increase the fog and lead to other issues too. They try anything from yoga to exercise to various groups, but mostly these are palliative care.
These things help help a little, even a lot, but are they not THE answer. They relieve symptoms but don't solve the cause. And, unfortunately, these things also tend to be distractions from the heart of the matter.
Like i said, I saw that people need help calming down and looking at issues objectively. So I took the kind of meditation that helped me, put it in my own words, and began to send it to people for free or a small donation (back then people did not download from the computer like we do now - I sent an audio cassette tape).
Next I saw that people wanted some supplemental reading material - so I began to write. My first book was entitled Becoming You. Then came Finding the Discover Path. Then I wrote Relationships- the Key to Life. None of these books are available at this time. But I do have many books, which incorporate the material in my first books, available on Amazon and other places.
So here I am, a volunteer pastor to the world. I have imitators, but no one else comes close.
This is a full service Pastor Chat. I have free chat for good people around the world who can't afford anything or who just don't know a pastor they feel comfortable asking a question. I also have podcasts of radio lectures and sermons.
Hi, this Pastor Roland. My avatar wants to take you on a short tour of my resources. But first I want to keep it simple and tell you exactly what services we have.
Need to talk to a chaplain? I'm a pastor and author, and trained and worked as a chaplain at a large hospital. I'm the author of 14 books. You can listen to me on the radio - I've been around for 23 years - so you can hear where I am coming from.
There is a need for chaplains on the Internet and word wide web. There is the need for a person you can listen to and read what he says - in other words a real person who is not just anonymous and faceless. There is also a need for someone who knows how to relate to everyone - like a chaplain - and ready to help no matter who you are, what religion you have or don't have, and no matter where you come from.
You don't have to be a Christian to talk to me. You don't have to be religious or spiritual. I talk to people, that's all.
Many people are already in treatment. That's fine. I am a spiritual care giver. What I do is complementary. When I worked at the hospital, the good doctors and nurses attended to the physical care of the patients, and I attended to spiritual care. Sometimes we need one, sometimes we need both. Sometimes we just need someone to talk to - someone with our best interests at heart.
Broke, can't afford a penny? No problem. Here's why. Othey people have already paid for yours! They contacted me through Liveperson, Ingenio, or they sent me a small donation to help me keep going.
One of the reasons they use my Liveperson, Ingenio services or send me a donation at Paypal is because they know that I will use the money to help others.
So just send me an email and and tell me your issue. i will answer by email or we can even schedule a free texting session. If you need help, just ask. We have all been there. I have been broke too. If with my help you get control of your emotions, start find your spiritual roots and clean up your life, then God will have already blessed you, and you can help me at that time. So don't be too prideful to ask for help.
Who am I. I am a regular guy who is committed to helping people wake up to the spiritual side of life. I do not lay an dogma on people. I wish for people to see for themselves what is true. I like to help people let go of resentment and shed the baggage from the past. There's a whole new world waiting for you out there, if you can get out of being lost between your ears and wallowing in negative emotions.
Now, I see that my avatar is anxious to get started showing you around. So I'll turn it over to him. Blessings!
Pastor Roland
Okay, I would like to introduce my avatar. His name is Rolly. See ya
Hi, I am Roland's avatar.
Got a minute?
Great! I would like to take you on a guided tour of the wonderful virtual world of self help resources that Roland has to offer.
So if you are ready to see the sights, let's get started."Looking for free Christian counseling resources? Got a relationship, marriage or life question? Are you stressed out? Confused? Got a Bible question? "I'm a pastor," says Pastor Roland who has an earned MS and Doctorate in Pastoral Psychology,and I make myself available to people on the internet. I've been helping people via my radio program, books, articles, and private counseling for 23 years.
Top Flight: I offer professional pastoral counseling 7 days a week for personal issues and feedback via texting, phone, and email.
| | | Text Roland a question. You must be 18 |
Second tier: we offer an outstanding array of free educational and self help resources, including free audio lectures and sermons, hundreds of posts and articles, and even free eBooks.
Let's start with Talk to Roland.
This is the place to ask Roland a question using Live chat. You can text a question to Roland for a quick answer. Just look in the right sidebar. Pastor Rolly has chatted and answered questions from all over the world - England, France, Germany, Spain, Europe, Africa, Eastern Europe, Canada, Australia, Brazil, and many more regions, countries and cities.
The guy at the keyboard with earphones on is Roland. He started his radio show in San Francisco almost 23 years ago. Every since, he has volunteered his time and effort to help people find their spiritual roots, cope with stress, and heal relationships.
Now let's go to the 24/7 Self Help Resource Center.
This is our hub, where you can find information about all of our resources.
But the best part of the resource center is The meditations! Roland has been researching an developing them for over 20 years.
They are mindfulness meditations based on spiritual principles.
There is a meditation for stress,
a meditation for anger management,
a meditation for pain management.
There is also a meditation for PTSD
Roland likes to say that the practice of the meditation is the bread and butter of your daily walk.
For example, there is a link to Healing Relationships. So let's just click on the Healing relationships link and take a look.
You have probably already guessed that this is by far Roland's most popular blog. People come from all over the world who are having relationship and marriage issues. At his blog you will find (in the right sidebar) links to his most popular articles and posts.
You will also find how to preview free and order his popular book The Myths and Mysteries of Marriage: Making Relationships Work.
I almost forgot the best of all - you can actually hear Roland on the radio talking about conquering stress, healing relationships, developing prayer life, finding your path in life, and much more.
His radio program airs every Sunday, but you can listen to it anytime 24/7 by going to the audio archives.
Roland has so many books, articles, links (such as his guide to online etherapy) that you can keep coming back and finding a treasure trove of useful information. And fun too.
For instance?
I have to go soon, but I'll give you a couple of for instances.
For instance.
Because Dr. Roland is interested in Christian Mindfulness Meditation, he likes writers such as Thomas a Kempis, Charles Wesley, A. B. Tozer, Francois Fenelon, St. Francis de Sales, Brother Lawrence, Miguel de Molinos, and Madame Jeanne Guyon.
He just published a book with excerpts from four of the above writers, and if you look in the right sidebar, you will see a picture of its cover.
Oh, before I go.
If you have a question that requires more than just a quick answer at Free chat
or if you want to remain anonymous,
or if you want to talk by phone,
or are interested in personalized help or coaching,
Roland's virtual office is the place for you to check out.
Hope you enjoyed the tour. Now you are on your own. Have fun.
People have questions and need help - more than ever before. That is why I am online as much as possible.
This year, I will be online Christmas Day and Lord willing, New Year's Day too.
I will be there Christmas morning from 6 to 8 AM (California time), then mid morning and then early afternoon, and early evening.
Most help places are closed. Even talk radio has just music or re made programs.
I am a real person and I am here to help in real time. I am not just a faceless webpage.
Hi, this Pastor Roland. My avatar wants to take you on a short tour of my resources. But first I want to keep it simple and tell you exactly what I've got.
My avatar is a great guy and he means well but he is a bit long winded and doesn't always get right to the point. So before he takes over, I would like to get a word in edgewise.
Here's what we've got
Free chat (and now Customer Service too!) and
Instant Answers!
Okay, just what is free chat?
Free chat is click on the icon in the right sidebar (Pastor is in! or Got a Question Instant Answers!). Ask a quick question. Find out our hours or services. Ask a Bible question.Ask a life question. Ask a question for a pastor or a chaplain. That's why I am here.
Send me a text question by email. I can't answer all questions, but hey, I can answer some of them. (you must be 18. No emergencies)
Free podcasts of my weekly radio program. There is a lot of noise out there. Lots of words and lots of palliative care. I tell you the truth. If I do say so myself, it is very refreshing.
Meditations, meditation, meditations. Stressed? Confused? Nervous? Lost touch with your intuition and creativity? Got baggage from the past? I've been developing these meditations for over 22 years.
"Pray for me." I answer prayer requests free. In fact, I LOVE pray requests. I personally read every prayer request and pray for you.
I'll send you a blessing if you need one and ask for one. Just tell me what you want to have blessed.
Angry or upset all the time. I've got resources and meditations and books too If you have issues with emotions (like anger, unhappiness, resentment, fears, anxiety), helping people cope and conquer negative emotions is what I've been doing for over two decades.
If you are stressed out and would like to try a short 5 minute Meditation Stress Fix
right now I have made it FREE
Relationship issues, marriage issues, courtship issues? I've got a site just for you and books too.
Okay, the free chat is obviously free. The free podcasts of the radio program are obviously free. How about the rest?
The blog posts and articles are all free. The short versions of my meditations are free. The long version cost something (but it is worth it)
And . . . you can look inside my books free at Amazon.com
Last but not least - if you are looking for pastoral counseling or coaching, we have that too (at Liveperson).
If you don't mind paying a per minute fee (it helps me pay for radio time so I can help more people. It also helps weed out the insincere and pranksters) then
Consult with me by phone, skype, email, or live texting at my Liveperson virtual office.
Call me at Ingenio. It's toll free from anywhere in the U.S. to connect or schedule an appointment. Once you reach me (the first 3 minutes are free! and then it is pay per minute. Just look for the telephone icon in the right sidebar.
If you want confidential and anonymous consultation with me, then call me at Liveperson. Your call comes to me from Liveperson, and I don't know your number.
Broke, can't afford a penny? No problem. He re's why. Othey people have already paid for yours! They contacted me through Liveperson, Ingenio, or they sent me a small donation to help me keep going.
One of the reasons they use my Liveperson service or send me a donation at Paypal is because they know that I will use the money to help others.
So just send me an email and and tell me your issue. I will answer by email or we can even schedule a free texting session. If you need help, just ask. We have all been there. i have been broke too. If with my help you get control of your emotions, start find your spiritual roots and clean up your life, then God will have already blessed you, and you can help me at that time. So don't be too prideful to ask for help.
Who am I. I am a regular guy who is committed to helping people wake up to the spiritual side of life. I do not lay an dogma on people. I wish for people to see for themselves what is true. I like to help people let go of resentment and shed the baggage from the past. There's a whole new world waiting for you out there, if you can get out of being lost between your ears and wallowing in negative emotions.
Okay, now my avatar wants to take over. See ya
Hi, I am Roland's avatar.
Got a minute?
Great! I would like to take you on a guided tour of the wonderful virtual world of self help resources that Roland has to offer.
So if you are ready to see the sights, let's get started."Looking for free Christian counseling resources? Got a relationship, marriage or life question? Are you stressed out? Confused? Got a Bible question? "I'm a pastor," says Pastor Roland who has an earned MS and Doctorate in Pastoral Psychology,and I make myself available to people on the internet. I've been helping people via my radio program, books, articles, and private counseling for 22 years.
Top Flight: I offer professional pastoral counseling 7 days a week for personal issues and feedback via texting, phone, and email.
| | | Text Roland a question. You must be 18 |
Second tier: we offer an outstanding array of free educational and self help resources, including free audio lectures and sermons, hundreds of posts and articles, and even free eBooks.
Let's start with Talk to Roland.
This is the place to ask Roland a question using Live chat. You can text a question to Roland for a quick answer. Just look in the right sidebar. Pastor Rolly has chatted and answered questions from all over the world - England, France, Germany, Spain, Europe, Africa, Eastern Europe, Canada, Australia, Brazil, and many more regions, countries and cities.
| | | Ask me a question at live chat!You must be 18. |
The guy at the keyboard with earphones on is Roland. He started his radio show in San Francisco almost 23 years ago. Every since, he has volunteered his time and effort to help people find their spiritual roots, cope with stress, and heal relationships.
Now let's go to the 24/7 Self Help Resource Center.
This is our hub, where you can find information about all of our resources.
But the best part of the resource center is The meditations! Roland has been researching an developing them for over 20 years.
They are mindfulness meditations based on spiritual principles.
There is a meditation for stress,
a meditation for anger management,
a meditation for pain management.
There is also a meditation for PTSD
Roland likes to say that the practice of the meditation is the bread and butter of your daily walk.
Oh, before we leave the Resource Center, there is one other super cool area. You will find it in the upper right hand corner. It is where for a donation of any amount you can get any of Roland's books in pdf and have it sent to you right away by email as a token our our appreciation.
Incidentally when you scroll down on the Resource Center Home Page, you will see links to some of Roland's other blogs.
For example, there is a link to Healing Relationships. So let's just click on the Healing relationships link and take a look.
You have probably already guessed that this is by far Roland's most popular blog. People come from all over the world who are having relationship and marriage issues. At his blog you will find (in the right sidebar) links to his most popular articles and posts.
You will also find how to preview free and order his popular book The Myths and Mysteries of Marriage: Making Relationships Work.
I almost forgot the best of all - you can actually hear Roland on the radio talking about conquering stress, healing relationships, developing prayer life, finding your path in life, and much more.
His radio program airs every Sunday, but you can listen to it anytime 24/7 by going to the audio archives.
Roland has so many books, articles, links (such as his guide to online etherapy) that you can keep coming back and finding a treasure trove of useful information. And fun too.
For instance?
I have to go soon, but I'll give you a couple of for instances.
For instance.
Because Dr. Roland is interested in Christian Mindfulness Meditation, you might suppose that he knows a lot about Christian mysticism, contemplative prayer, and spiritual writers like Thomas a Kempis, Charles Wesley, A. B. Tozer, Francois Fenelon, St. Francis de Sales, Brother Lawrence, Miguel de Molinos, and Madame Jeanne Guyon.
He just published a book with excerpts from four of the above writers, and if you look in the right sidebar, you will see a picture of its cover.
Oh, before I go.
If you have a question that requires more than just a quick answer at Free chat
or if you want to remain anonymous,
or if you want to talk by phone,
or are interested in personalized help or coaching,
Roland's virtual office is the place for you to check out.
Hope you enjoyed the tour. Now you are on your own. Have fun.
"Often the hidden reason why people drink, take drugs, and become addicted is because they are running from conscience. They became angry at their parents, partner, or someone else and began to feel uncomfortable about it. They resent other people and this resentment (being a form of unforgiveness) makes them uneasy. So they start taking a little drink, a little smoke or a little pill to ease their discomfort--to either numb their emotions, distract themselves, stimulate or depress their emotions.
But because they are really running from God (but don't realize it), when they try to escape the scrutiny of conscience, each new snort, pill, or puff just adds another guilt. And with each new guilt there is a greater need for relief.
Most of us would like to be forgiving, calm, and reasonable instead of angry--but once we lose control, we don't know how to get back on an even keel.
Therefore, a meditation that helps you get recentered and one that restores you to a right relationship with conscience might be just what you need."
Hi, this is Dr. Roland Trujillo. I have a MS and a Doctorate in Pastoral Psychology and I am the author of 14 books on stress management, emotional health, and improving relationship. I've been helping people with life and relationship issues for over 20 years.
Just call me Roland
Let me keep it all very simple.
To regain a natural self control and to move forward to better emotional health and improved relationships with others, may I recommend you do 2 things?
Listen to one or two of my 30 minute radio programs. Just go to the archives and pick a title that you find interesting.
Then check out the meditation and look over the resources there.
It's all free. If you don't like it or it's not for you, then you haven't lost anything. But if there are some clues that help you recover - you will have found a valuable resource.
I teach a unique meditation that helps a person become centered and less reactive to pressures. Responding to inner reason instead of outer provocation, the person becomes calmer and begins to exert a positive effect instead of absorbing outer suggestions and tease. It is my belief that we can all be better moms, dads, mates, and citizens when we learn the secret of not getting upset.
Look at it another way. If you could learn to be calm in the moment of stress (without expressing or repressing impatience, anger or upset), you would not add any fuel to the fire. Calmness and reason could be brought to bear, and you might even have a good laugh.
In order to solve your problem, you must learn to have an attitude of alert preparedness. When the moment of stress arrives, you will be ready for it already graced with calmness and understanding. Now, you will have a twinkle in your eye, meeting the moment with understanding. You will now influence the moment instead of the moment influencing you.
The way to be prepared to meet life with understanding is through a proper meditation. This meditation is learning how to go in a room and become still. Basically observing thought instead of being lost in thought.
You had this calm neutral state of mind long ago when you were a little child. Remember how you jumped from bed in the morning ready for a day of discovery, and not bogged down with baggage from the past? But now, we wake up and immediately start worrying, planning, and sometimes dreading things that upset us and we would rather not face awaiting us.
Now can you see why not reacting and getting upset in the first place is so important? When you don't react, you don't form a memory that comes back to haunt you and color and ruin spontaneity in the next similar moment.
So, to recover from our upsets, we need to do two things. One, learn to have an attitude of alert preparedness so that we don't react and form new traumatic memories. Second, we must learn how to deal with the baggage from the past, memories that keep coming back and tapes that keep playing in our mind.
The meditation we offer helps you with both. First by becoming less reactive, you do not form new bad memories. Secondly, you learn how to stand back and observe negative thoughts and emotions without becoming absorbed into those thoughts and reacting (as if the real thing were happening again). In other words, you learn how to not react with upset to external events and how not to react to thoughts (which can also upset).
Through this practice, you will download (so to speak) enough calmness and understanding to meet the day's vicissitudes. Look carefully, and you will see I have just mapped your path to spiritual recovery.
Incidentally, our meditation is available to listen to or download for free, no strings attached. Try my free 5 minute meditation and if you like it you may wish to graduate to the more advanced version.
Click on the Bible to visit Talk to a Pastor Online for free resources, sermon audio, live chat, books and much more. Or click on my picture.
Sure, just about every parent will eventually hear the words "I hate you." Especially when you don't let them have their way! Usually, if communication is otherwise good, you can just ride the storm out. When the emotions have run their course, you will often hear the words "I'm sorry, mom, I didn't really mean it." Happiness is restored.
But this article is about poor communication that sometimes develops over many years. Here are a few thoughts and a possible solutions. I was talking to a business colleague the other day about successful parenting. She said: "make sure you start early." Wise words. If you have a good relationship with your child when he or she is small; and if you have an understanding heart, you are off to a good start.
If you continue to be there for your child (instead of abandoning your child to daycare, preschool, or some ambitious or scary school environment), you will avoid a whole bunch of potential problems. If you are vigilant about such things too much television, too many video games, and too much socializing--chances are that big issues will never even develop.
Once your child has conformed to the peer group and pop culture; once he or she looks for support and reassurance from them instead of you, you will begin to lose the natural authority you once had.
Peers, celebrities, educators, boyfriends, and so on become their authorities. Your child learns to be a smart aleck, to take drugs, to have sex, to tease, and to conform to the pop culture with them. And so they become the gods and authorities of your child. Your child will look to them for approval and assurance for what they have made of her. Once this has happened, should you try to intervene, you will be seen as the enemy, as mean, as interfering.
I am not saying that good communication can't be restored. Communication begins to improve when a parent who--through suffering and soul searching--begins to wake up to see his or her own selfishness, and takes responsibility for what has gone wrong instead of blaming the child. When the parent is genuinely sorry and desirous to be a good parent from now on--I am not saying that things can't be turned around. Proper order and a good relationship can be restored, and that would be good.
But restoring a good relationship is very difficult, and may not happen; if the child is already a teen or young adult, or if a divorce has happened and the child lives with someone else. But even here, love is a very powerful force. And when a parent has a sincere change of heart, the child (who is psychically bonded to the parent) will sense it, even if a thousand miles away. Something good can begin to happen, working within the heart.
The problems begin when many parents turn their children over to strangers and to too much socializing when they are young. Often most of the day is literally spent with strangers, while mom is off at work. Even when everyone is home, kids are watching television, playing video games, social networking on the computer, text messaging, or talking on the phone.The parent becomes a nonfactor. The parent usually tries to take charge by being mean or bossy, leading to the usual conformity or rebellion.
If the parent does not become a feared and hated tyrant, she becomes the opposite: not respected and not payed attention to. The parent tries punishing. Then perhaps turns the child over to more strangers and Godless authorities, who may even prescribe heartless psychiatric meds.
Years of neglect, impatience, errors and so on lead to a lot of guilt. It would be good if this guilt led to a crisis of repentance, where the build up of conflict with conscience leads to a capitulation to conscience, catharsis and resolution.
When a parent's heart softens, love begins to flow. And love is a very powerful thing.
But just when real soul searching might occur, the parent often hardens her heart, refuses to admit she is wrong, and with the help of friends, saves face and protects her ego. Of course, it is a natrual human tendency to not want to admit we are wrong. But self righteousness and blame destroy relationships.
We don't like to admit wrong to anyone, even to our God given conscience. So we deny what conscience is wordlessly trying to tell us (just as we deny what our children are trying to tell us when they cry or act out--seeking to make us aware of our lack of understanding).
However, conditions eventually develop that cannot be denied. The parent may then do a complete about face: become too nice and too easy going, perhaps giving in totally to every demand. All to save face and try to make up for guilt.
Some parents will often rush after their kids, chasing them all the way to the rehab house or the jail, seeking to rescue them so that they can get rid of the guilt for having driven their kids to the streets and drugs.
So I must again say that there is no substitute for understanding. Just remember how you felt when you stood before some angry authority trying to explain something, and they would not listen. Where is the love? Where is the understanding?
The good news is: love still exists. It is in you right now. You have a wordless way of knowing, in the light of intuition which is from God. Right now it wordlessly and silently testifies to the truth of what I have said. The same light that is in me is in you. All you have to do is soften your pride and embrace (instead of rejecting) the conscience that loves you.
Yes, your conscience makes you feel bad (when you see, for example, your own impatience, selfishness or resentment). It makes you feel bad when you see how your meddling and manipulations have made everything worse. But the pain is only temporary.
On the other side of admitting your wrong and being sorry is peace and a new lease on life.
When you begin to live intuitively, love and understanding will enter everything you do.
For God's sake, don't be the heartless bureaucrat to your own children. Let your heart soften, and then your children will see the face of love. If you don't, then they will go out in the world looking for love in all the wrong places.
"The guy is amazing. He never gives up. He has a heart for people, especially people on the internet. He is one man whirlwind. You've heard of Playboy After Dark, now this guy has started Christian After Dark for people up at night who need some help with stress, anxiety and worries."
MIke - somewhere in California
"I'm an internet person and I love people on the internet, says Pastor Roland.
Many churches have a webpage. Some even have "volunteers" to answer emails. Finally a Senior Pastor devotes himself to the worldwide web and internet people.
Pastor Roland also knows that many people are up all night and some of them surf the internet. They are looking for answers. They want someone who is there for them - really there for them - not just a faceless webpage or someone at a phone bank.
Pastor Roland is now offering a new free ask a pastor service.
Pastor Roland has an exciting Talk to a Pastor Radio Show that airs in Palm Springs, CA and also in Pensacola Florida and Scranton PA.
Now you can ask Pastor Roland a question by phone
New. Ask Roland a question by phone. Leave your question or comment on his listener call in line. Your question or comment will be left on his answering machine. Roland will play some comments and answer some questions on the radio!
Here is the link to the Talk to a Pastor Radio Show
Conquer worries, doubts and fears. If you are pacing the floor all night, if you toss and turn, if money and work problems have you tense and worried at night - Pastor Roland has a new website devoted exclusively for night people.
Some people are up at night to work, others because they are studying, and others because they like the night. But some people can't sleep because of worries, doubts, and fear.
Pastor Roland has been helping people with insights and his meditation for over 20 years. He wants to make sure that night people find out about his meditation and free self help resources for dealing with worries, doubts, and fears.
New! If you are a Christian Night Owl, visit Pastor Roland's new 24 hour Christian After Dark website.
Talk To a Pastor Online : How to Prayer: Online Pastor Announces a New Series about How to Pray Dateline: Berkeley, CA November 6, 2012 For: Immediate release. Dr. Rolan...
The foundation of confidence is rightness. Lacking confidence has everything to do with not knowing who we are, and with not being who we are. Remember the beautiful fairy tale about the ugly duckling that was really a beautiful swan? Until the duckling found out that she was really a beautiful swan, she felt uneasy, out of place, and didn't fit in. In other words, the little duckling had to find out who she was before she could have real confidence.
That brings us to another typical situation: where from the time we are little, we are made to feel uncomfortable for being ourselves or telling the truth. We can't talk about dad's drinking, mom's temper, or big sister's cruelty. If we do we are put down, or perhaps even worse, made to seem like we are wrong.
In school we have to sit still or get medicated. And when we become adults, we find that we are supposed to pretend. We have to pretend to be nice, pretend to like things, and pretend that we don't see certain things.
We become repressed and suppressed, and we operate on a shallow surface level. But the danger here is that we are repressed and resentful. Underneath we are angry. And we are not happy.
Some people express themselves through rebelling. Dressing weird, acting weird and hanging around with weird or bad people permits us to rebel against the hypocrites who never let us be ourselves. But ask yourself--if you do the opposite of what those you hate want you to do, are your being yourself? Or are you being forced to be the opposite, which is still not really the true you, and may be just what the hypocrites wanted. You see--when you become rebellious and look bad, the hypocrites feel self righteous in comparison to you.
Have you ever wondered why so much modern art is bizarre and the music, angry? Where is the artisanship of the masters and the musicality of Mozart? The reason why so much of what is modern in the arts is not that good is because the artists and composers are expressing their anger, and they are trying to be different from those who would not let them be themselves.
Another reason why many of us lack confidence is because we are people pleasers. From the time we were little we were taught that pleasing others is good and offending others is bad. We conformed for approval, and then received the assurances and perks that go with conformity. Unfortunately we never grew as individuals. Because what we have become is a creation of and a reflection of those around us, we become very dependent on others for support and reassurance. Without their mom's, wife's, husband's, company's, or some organization's approval, many people become lost and totally insecure.
Now, let's talk about confidence directly. I'm a golfer. I know how important it is to make that last three foot putt on the 18th green to close the deal. Many golfer will freeze up, poke at the ball, leave it short, or pull the ball. Closing the deal at the free throw line, nailing the interview, making the sale, passing the test, having a successful dinner party are other examples of situations where many people feel they must succeed, and if then don't, they suffer a loss of confidence.
But look carefully, and ask yourself--does it really matter if I miss the putt, burn the roast for dinner, fail the test, don't get the job, or miss the free throw? The truth is: over the long haul, it doesn't matter. Do you have children? If not, just imagine that you have a child who you love very much. Don't you still love your child, even if she misses the free throw or doesn't get asked to the prom? Of course you do. You love your child unconditionally.
So now here is the big question. Do you still love yourself if you mess up? Chances are, your answer is no. Most of us condemn or even hate ourselves when we mess up. If we were condemned as kids, then we replay the old tapes and condemn ourselves. It is hard to be confident when you are beating yourself up over life's little failings.
So far we have covered three reasons for lack of confidence: not knowing who we are; not being who we really are; and not performing up to some externally based standard that we have taken on.
Before suggesting a possible remedy, let me mention another likely cause for lack of confidence. Remember how I said the foundation of confidence is rightness? We have already seen that rightness means being our authentic self, expressing ourselves, and learning to love ourselves even though we mess up in some way.
Now I wish to mention the role of anger, hostility and resentment in robbing us of self confidence. Because resentment is wrong, we just cannot be solidly confident when we harbor resentment. We feel guilty and sheepish, and this makes us even more likely to clam up and say nothing. It also makes us more likely to people-please, because resentment erodes our foundation by which we could have taken a righteous stance.
Sure, we feel right when we are angry. But we deceive ourselves. Just like a drink makes some people feel confident, so anger makes some feel righteous. But in reality, they are not brave from drinking or righteous in anger.
After a lifetime of copping out and depending on others for self esteem, it may take quite a while to find your true path in life (where you can be truly confident). But you can start right now to watch for resentment and let it pass. Resentment clouds our perception. When you are not resentful and angry, you will be able to see the right or wise thing to do.
By practicing living and moving gracefully instead of with the old resentment and anger energy, everything you do will no longer be tinged with wrong. You will find true success and joy in beginning to live properly and step by step, you will begin to find your true path.
Most of us are suppressed and inhibited because we are reactive, and thus outer directed. We react to situations and people, and then say or do the wrong thing. We become afraid of expressing our pent-up hostility, and we dread another round of error and failure. So we hide ourselves from others so as not to be embarrassed or make mistakes. We put on a phony facade to keep people at a distance. Our secret hostility and resentment make us feel empty and needy.
But instead of finding an inner rapport and wholeness, we reach out to the world. Feeling unworthy and yet needy, we clumsily claw for love, often settling for the most lowly and loathsome love offerings. When we can't bear the pain of reaching for love anymore, we settle for the comfort and false love of drugs, alcohol, and pills, or we stuff ourselves with food. All because in our distant past someone upset us or pulled on our heart strings, tempting us to step away from our center of dignity and love.
Objects or goals stand in for the people who upset us in the past. We get mad at things and struggle with them because they represent the original person who upset us, made us doubt ourselves or made us angry.
There is always frustration and futility involved in any goal because it is not really our own. It is a goal that others tempted us to have. No wonder our work, study, and our possessions, instead of bringing us joy or modest satisfaction, can become drudgery and negatively charged. Our emotional over-reactions and the unhealthy practices we employ to distract and comfort ourselves lead to health problems.
We reach out for help to pills and procedures, only to discover these are forms of false love which only relieve symptoms and often only permit us to get worse. What has really happened is that we have become separated from the spiritual roots from which our true personality could have flowered. We became separated through resenting others and through doubting what we have always known deep down.
Some of us continue to yearn for the good we have never known. But reaching out to worldly spiritual or religious organizations has brought us betrayal or led to cynicism. We love truth and goodness, but we haven't found the real thing. Those we trusted either betrayed us, used us, or revealed their own lack of understanding.
What we need is to refind the inner intuitive way of living and moving and having our being. We need the original perspective, the one we had before we were upset and sidetracked by authorities who themselves had been tempted away from reason and inner love. Fortunately we can find the love and understanding we have always been searching for by learning to become still.
We can refind the original perspective, and then moving unemotionally from this clear perspective, we will see our way back to a sensible, calm, inner directed way of life. A special simple meditation or centering exercise teaches us how to stand back from thought and emotion. It is not difficult or complicated. Perhaps the most difficult part of it is setting aside the intellectual analysis and second guessing, and just practicing the meditation in its sheer simplicity.
Calming down and beginning to see clearly, we begin to see things and people, including ourselves, as we really are. Going out into the world, we learn to be less reactive. We learn to be patient with people. We learn not to look to them for love, because once having found the inner light in which to see, wordless guidance by which to act, and inner warmth and rapport to seal us off from outer entanglements, we are free to express truth and be patient with others.
Family, relationship, work, and health issues begin to resolve themselves. When we have love instead of seeking love, and when we have patience instead of impatience, we develop a healthy disinterest concern for others, instead of needing something from them.
Spiritual and physical health is the natural state of the body and soul. By learning to give up the resentment, emotionality, and a misguided lifestyle that interferes with health, we recover in the Light.
Now do you see it? To be right, we must be whole. To be whole, we must be connected with our inner ground. Then we can flow intuitively from within, expressing our authentic self with patience and wisdom. Being patient (not resentful toward others), we can then be patient with ourselves. Visit commonsensecounseling.org to learn more about the free meditation to refind and flow from your inner ground of good.
How do I find an online counselor or therapist? Good question. You deserve an answer.
I want to give you some resources, but let me just say this. Find someone with a heart, with understanding and common sense. Find someone who has some experience. Those of us who have a really wise grandma, grandpa, dad, or a trusted senior mentor are very fortunate.
I would begin by becoming educated and informed. Spend some time looking over some free resources about online counseling and about online therapy. Then with a little background, you will be better able to decide if online counseling is something you want to consider, and secondly who to select.
As a free service to the internet community, I would like to share with you some informative places to quickly get some helpful information. Starting off with these sources will save you time. I chose them not because I have anything to do with them. I don't. But the information is easy to read, client friendly, inclusive, and informative.
This is a starting place. Of course, I have to repeat that I am not endorsing these people. I just like the information they provide to help people become informed and educated.
Wally Gengrich - good one page overview of the pluses and minutes of eTherapy, with a list of additional resources online.
Metanoia.org - The A, B, C's of Internet Therapy - answers a lot of questions about cost, issues, is it right for me, privacy, e-therapy history and much more.
MadnessRadio.net Personal experiences from beyond conventional perspectives and mainstream treatments, and features authors, advocates, scientists, and artists. Listen to radio programs featuring survivors and advocates. Good source of information about harm reduction
BeyondMeds.com There is so much informative, touching, compassionate and honest information here that you may wish to subscribe to the RSS feed because it is frequently updated.
Psychiatric Drug Facts with Dr. Peter Breggin - Called the psychiatrist with a heart, his site is a wealth of credible information about therapy, meds and empathetic counseling
For a list of more online recovery resources including YouTube resources, as well as my thoughts on such topics as spiritual recovery, complementary meditation, and the state of Christian counseling today see Victory over Depression