Even Me: Recent Episodes
Dr. Cherlisa Jackson
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Let's normalize that just because you CAN get married and have children does not mean that you need to! Your relationships and romantic connections need to be solid before adding the thought of permanency. Are you guilty of assuming they are The One just because they are "nicer" than your ex? If you are "dating to marry," do you habitually ask people if they can see a lifetime with you with limited information? Do you reveal your traumas immediately to test if they can handle what comes with you, only to hyperfocus on how quickly you can form vulnerability and closeness? Have you been taught to believe in a meaningful wedding or proposal more than understanding the foundation of what helps a healthy relationship work? Are you a product of "making it work for the kids" but might feel guilty because you may not even want kids? If any of these questions apply to you, then today's episode will guide you!
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What if I told you that you can "people-please" your inner critic by allowing you to project onto others unresolved feelings about yourself? Did you know that we begin embracing our inner critic in childhood by compartmentalizing our pain and then learning to repeat this pattern as adults to avoid confronting ourselves? What if you could discover the hidden parts of you that often produce guilt and shame and impact many of the decisions that you later regret? This episode is for you if you are frequently unsure of how to embrace parts of you that you resent or might ignore. This episode is also for you if you claim to know precisely who you are without exploring the darker parts of you that you might not know or acknowledge exist.
This episode is for you if you have scars or wounds from childhood that have been hard to release and impact things or people in your daily routine. This episode is also for you if you feel people owe you obedience in romantic relationships, and not getting your way results in emotional tantrums. Are you doing a good job protecting your inner child, letting them know you are a safe space to process and heal? Are you a good example to lead yourself through unexplored healing or compartmentalized hurt? Have you confronted the emotional injuries caused by those you trusted and used that pain to help re-parent you where needed? Let's address these questions together!
Did you know that accountability and responsibility are not the same? One is a personal response to what happens, and the other is about task orientation. Because they are different, yet both equivalent to progress, avoiding or lacking either can cause devastating outcomes and create burnout. This episode is for you if it has been tough getting motivated or maintaining discipline, especially if you misunderstand (or are unsure about) your role in life or why you stack your to-do list. This episode is also for you if you are trying to unlearn how to minimize feeling insulted or offended by constructive criticism or when perfectionism is not achieved.
Receiving what we give is not the goal. This goal is positioning ourselves with people and things that can return what we provide equivalently. Every interaction has an opportunity to have your cup filled. Filling a void that is triggered by unmet needs and trauma is not the same as filling your cup. If you have started tolerating not having that cup filled, this episode is for you! If you continue to engage in romantic relationships, sexual activity, gender norms, parenting, and communication without receiving your efforts returned or even acknowledged, this episode is also for you!
Do you feel safe in emotional connections? Have you been stuck at an age when you experienced the trauma of separation or abandonment? Are you codependent on familiarity? How do you prevent regret from turning into resentment without grieving what you cannot control? This episode is for you if you have ever identified with being codependent or have a loved one who you feel might struggle with codependent behaviors. This episode is also for you if your hyper-independence is a trauma response to people-pleasing.
This episode is for you if you are an overthinker. This episode is also for you if you allow scenarios outside of your control to live rent-free in your mind. The minute that wounds are identified, we have a responsibility to cleanse them and understand how to grieve without consistently compartmentalizing the hurt. If you are often trying to "pray it away" or hoping that time itself will help you forget about a wound that feels uncomfortable to address, this episode found you for a reason.
Have you ever understood love bombing to be a form of anxiety? We most commonly understand this definition in conversations about narcissistic behaviors, yet the more we learn about our own relationship expectations, upbringing, and inability to be emotionally available, we may start to learn that the capacity to love bomb others is within us all. We often miss that grand gestures within days of meeting or a constant need to be in contact are both common gateways to love bombing. This episode is for you if you become anxious at the thought of being selected by others or to receive external validation to feel valued and secure. This episode is also for you if you frequently speed through the "getting to know you" space at the beginning or throughout connecting as a testament to not wasting your time.
Have you ever noticed if you are more attracted to people who ignore you or blow hot and cold? Do you find yourself running to people, places, and things trying to get away from you, or avoiding love completely feeling that no one is trustworthy enough to receive your vulnerability? How do you respond when others put up boundaries around their time and require space to decompress and self-identify? This episode is for you if you sense that you have a type but your type rarely works out.
Did you know that dimming your light is a form of people-pleasing? What if I told you that playing small is a way of telling yourself that external validation holds more power than your own objectivity about what you have been through? Today's episode is for you if you convince yourself that you are fraudulent in your achievements or if you feel guilty in consistently sharing them with others. Today's message is also for you if you need to unlearn the power others have over you and build new ways of self-appreciation. Featured today is the host of On The Air with Ari, and naturalist, A'rianna McLean!
What's your relationship with authority and structure? Do you gravitate toward chaos to maintain or regain a sense of control? Did you know that discipline is a form of rebellion and self-control? This episode is for you if you struggle with establishing discipline, maintaining motivation, or rebelling in scenarios where you do not get your way.
Are you aware that you could be perpetuating your fear of failure or fear of success through Impostor Syndrome? What happens when you do not feel that you are enough and try that much harder to prove it to yourself just to stand in your way and prevent the best result? Are you picking specific people, places, and things that cannot elevate you just to prove the point that you can control external validation to make your fears more manageable that your goals are unattainable? If this sounds like you or someone you know, or you would like to understand how you could be sabotaging and dimming your light, then today's episode is for you!
Men resist temptation too. Men are tired of the games too. Men want to be faithfully married too. Men are great parents too. Men want to cry too. Men can make love and be in love too. However, how many of us have shamed men for their decision to explore vulnerability and safety? How many of us lead with outdated social norms that create unrealistic expectations for men to deeply connect with others without first allowing them to access the tools to do so? Feelings and emotions are two different things and accessible to all genders. Emotions start in the brain and are created from instincts we all have or experience. This episode is for you if you need to unlearn that "women are more emotional" and need to better connect to healthy expressions of feeling connected to men or as a man. Featured today is Rique King; Co-Host of Talk'n Random Ish, first aired on the radio station Real 1100, also known as Love 860, now featured on YouTube! Tune in to the conversation!
Whether on your favorite social platforms, dating someone new, conversing with someone familiar, or during conversations with strangers in your daily life, we have all been exposed to oversharing. How can we not be when it's normalized? Some might call "telling all" a method of release to help others understand they are not alone. Others might say sharing too much personal information could be a reaction to feeling misunderstood, unheard, or avoiding boundaries. This episode is for you to explore the layers of oversharing and how it just might be impacting your life in unknown or unfamiliar ways. Join the conversation with the owner of Wiggles World Network, co-owner of Southern HoZpitality, and DJ Wiggles himself, Trey Searles!
Whether it's increased sadness around the holidays, or a dip in your mood from the colder months that lack sunshine, we have all experienced seasonal depression. We may more commonly understand it as winter or holidays blues, and it is more clinically known as Seasonal Affective Disorder if it becomes a routine occurrence. Not only does it impact mood and performance, it plays on the Vitamin D deficiency many of us experience, as well as the consistent drive to be productive and positive. This episode is for you if you feel guilt for the days you have inactivity, and especially if post-pandemic you are still establishing your new winter or holiday norm.
When you hear the word "breakup" does your brain typically associate romantic relationships? Friendship breakups happen so frequently and they can change your entire life. This episode is for you if you have ever ended a friendship, no matter how long you knew each other. It's also for you if you have trouble befriending new people, forming a friendship in romantic relationships, and even if you were in a relationship that had a friendship and it has been hard to release the hurt. Join the conversation with the Host and Founder of the syndicated talk show Going Down on the Mic, Moni Luvs Effects!
This episode is for you if you are still seeking closure about your ex or if you have yet to accept that things might not resume. Do you still want an apology or secretly want their next relationship to fail? Are you going back and forth with constantly repairing things without identifying changed behavior about what broke you up or caused the split?? Is continuing a sexual relationship making it hard to decide? Do you miss them or the familiarity? Tune in to today's episode for guidance to these questions from the author of Gracefully Broken, host of Behind the Veil, and owner of MindGlowingTC.com, Sandy Huggins!
Turn on any social media platform or television show and it is filled with people discussing their frustrations with dating. Whether already in a romantic relationship or aiming for one, dating is a necessity throughout the entire commitment. This episode is for you if you are currently struggling to understand what dating is, how to navigate your expectations about it or need help restoring your faith in re-entering the dating scene.
How often do you silence your opinions to be accepted or avoid conflict? How often do you misunderstand assertiveness as aggression? How frequently have you been told you're "too sensitive," so you hesitate to speak about your feelings? Have you ever feared conflict so much that you ghosted people, chose serious conversations via text, or resumed things after tension without seeking clarity about your thoughts? If you resonate with these questions, this episode is for you to start unlearning your fear and boosting your conflict resolution skills!
What is a baseline behavior? We all have a starting point...a baseline of how we respond. It makes up the core of who we are: our true colors. We often love the representative because we often lead this way; we also fall in love with the potential of others and make them emotional projects. As is, we present what we want to be, but not always what we can maintain. We want people to know and understand versions of us we have yet to understand. How can someone love who you don't even know? How can I love you for you without accepting you at your baseline? If any of these questions make sense, this episode is for you!
What happens when you date someone who hasn't healed from the hurt in their previous romantic relationship? What happens if your current relationship only exists because your partner's first choice isn't available? What do you do when you find out you are currently the rebound?... Even if it evolved into an exclusive relationship? This episode is for you!
Are you navigating your life more aligned with your wants versus what you need? Have you had trouble understanding how anxiety and depression are connected to unmet needs? Are you familiar with Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs? If any of these questions sound like you then today's episode will help to address the void we fill with meeting our wants more than valuing our needs.
Even when you think you're attracting positive things because of the current positivity you sow, energy isn't linear. What you attract operates on a timeline you have no real-time control over. So, for any negative seeds ever sown by you, they can pop up at any time. For any seeds sown by those in proximity of you, the consequences of those seeds can still impact you, positively or negatively. For all the things you are currently speaking and thinking about, you create a pathway of things to access your outcomes. This is influenced by something outside your plans, expected results, and all current seeds sown. If you want to understand better the harvest from your words, this episode is for you!
This episode is dedicated to listeners feeling "stuck" in life. This episode is for those struggling to find their purpose or believe they have one. This episode is for you if you want more out of life but you're in your own way.
Do you often feel that you're a good listener? Most people do. If you're attempting to be a better lover, a better communicator, and even someone who resolves conflict more peacefully, then this episode is for you!
We often learn how to navigate empathy and relate to the feelings of others. Not only is empathy different than sympathy, but it's also not automatically compassion. Did you know there are types of empathy? Tune into this episode to learn more!
If it's hard for you to admit error or sometimes feel uncomfortable when your thoughts don't match your actions, this episode is for you! If you have heard the term "Cognitive Dissonance" but need more clarity or are unsure what "Cognitive Distortion" is, you're in the right place at the right time! Join me for today's discussion.
This episode is for you if you keep outliving everyone around you and feel internal pressure to speed up your accomplishments because of it. This episode is also for you if you feel guilty for being spared during traumatic events while claiming that your life could be so much more.
You lack nothing; however, you may have been conditioned to believe you need more of everything. This episode is for you if you perpetually enforce habits and thoughts that persuade you that you are not enough.
This episode will help you unlearn that commitment means exclusivity and that a relationship title removes the possibility of still being in a situationship. This episode is for you if you have ever been involved with someone who has produced doubt and uncertainty about the direction of your involvement.
We all have an attachment style. One that starts in childhood and is either perpetuated or adjusted throughout our lives. Habits, viewpoints, emotional connections, and self-esteem correlate with our attachment style. Depending on how you address your external world determines who and what you continue to attach to. If you have been trying to heal and move toward understanding what a calm nervous system might look and feel like when interacting with your external world, then this episode is for you!
If you have ever experienced a break-up but didn't feel done or thought you could somehow save this person from themselves if you stayed, this episode is for you. In today's episode, I will explore the unhealthy relationship that led to writing my book, Empowering the Broken. It will also be explored how to look for warning signs that you're involved in a toxic cycle of taking someone back who is unhealthy.
This episode is for you if social media often has you comparing your life and accomplishments to others. This episode is also for you if you are oversharing your life with people you barely know. What if I told you there's a successful formula for social media to place the entire country under a social experiment for capitalistic gain? Do you understand why you're even ON social media and why others might falsify themselves on their platforms?
In today's episode, you will discover how feminine and masculine energy originate in every human being and have little to do with gender. You will also learn the consistent misinformation about femininity and masculinity or how either can become toxic.
This episode is for you if you have ever asked, "How can I tell if they are the one?" Today, you will learn how cognitive distortions and defense mechanisms make it easy to suppress red flags and inflate our feelings as objective truth.
Maybe you have heard about love languages and how they work for expressions of love and reciprocity in feeling seen. Have you ever considered why you have the love languages that you do and where they come from? Several things can contribute to it, and one large common denominator for many of us is connected to our childhood. Listen to today's episode to learn how!
This episode is for you if you have ever identified as a people-pleaser or guilt-tripped someone! There is one common origin for us all, and it starts with what and how you have been taught from the selection of resources hand-selected for your learning and conditioning. Gaslighting doesn't just belong to those with narcissism; though, commonly seen in emotionally abusive relationships with a partner who has a narcissistic personality disorder. It's a capability of us all and is misunderstood by most.
Ever heard of Destination Addiction? Most people haven't but fall into the category of chasing the future. It blindsides us for a lack of appreciation in existing accomplishments and triggers us to believe that because we still have improvements we would like to make that we are not doing enough. Those who become preoccupied with moving the goal post and pushing back the finish line without recognizing the progress would benefit the most from this episode!
Yes, that's Impostor with an I...not an E. If you are among the many people who struggle with perfectionism, love being an expert and despise being wrong, frequently have burnout, feel like your efforts are rarely ever enough, and feel that you're a failure if you don't get things right the first try...then this episode is for you!
If you repeat toxic cycles that perpetuate your own pain from being a fixer, a healer, or an overachiever, then this episode is for you! Much of what we know about self-harm ties into intentional bodily injury, however in reframing how we harm ourselves with mental and emotional patterns, this happens on a daily level subconsciously, consciously, or completely without our awareness. If you struggle to put yourself first and often sacrifice or eliminate self-care, then again...this episode is for you!
If you have ever struggled with believing that flirtation automatically leads to pursuing someone, or if you have an ongoing belief that everyone you encounter absolutely has an unfaithful past, then this episode is for you! Come join the conversation of two licensed therapists providing insight on the internal contribution of infidelity.
We are all familiar with the concept of "trust issues" yet many of us struggle to resolve them. We often set the pattern for selecting people, places, and things that increase our susceptibility to a lack of trust which then encourages us to build a cycle of blaming others for why we don't know how to trust. If this sounds like you or someone you know, this episode is for you!
Have you ever wondered how you started taking on a majority of the relationship responsibilities? Or why it seems that you're typically saving people from themselves while they allow you to do it? We have all been taught the idea of "becoming one" in a relationship and that consistent sacrifice is required and thinking alike is mandatory. The reality is that two independent people need to exist within a union for the creation of a unit and compromise. When we enmesh ourselves too much we disappear within the expectations of what we want and forget to breathe in our own space. If you have ever struggled to understand what codependency is and the different ways it might show up, then this episode is for you!
We keep hearing this question, "What do you bring to the table?" I challenge us all to unlearn that there's only one table. If you're trying to figure out if you're an asset, it's much deeper than an overall subjective assessment; it's what you offer in parts. We would benefit most from recognizing that we either offer assets of ourselves or offer liabilities to the table. Want to learn more? Tune into this episode!
Yup, you read that right! It is quite possible to live with similarities that are not positive and not even notice them until far after connecting with someone. We commonly attach negatively when we have unresolved trauma, unaddressed habits, or certain attachment styles. It frequently leads to trauma bonding to convince people to fight for relationships that they are compatible negatively. If your love interests, sex partners, or romantic relationships are often intense with chemistry and fall flat to feeling incompatible, then this episode is for you!
Do you struggle to say no or feel like you disappoint others when you do? Is it hard to learn how to let people into your world without having them jump through hoops? Is it easier to please others than it is to show up for yourself? Then this episode is for you! Not only are setting boundaries essential, and defining what they are to signify their importance...being able to do it without lingering feelings of guilt is vital! Tune in and learn some techniques to guide you through it!
How you spend time with yourself largely determines your capacity to take accountability. It's in the spaces where we sit in our thoughts and sort through the narratives that live rent-free in our heads that guide us toward making sense of the emotions that surface. I-statements are a powerful way to learn how to take ownership of your feelings without bringing someone else into those emotions or blaming them for the causation. And if you need tools to learn how to improve how to discipline yourself, this episode is for you!
If you have ever asked this question, this episode is for you! "Good" is subjective and based on experiences, outlooks, and preferences. When we evaluate if "good" men exist, we must examine whether we are asking if they are good TO us, good FOR us, or both. That combination also encompasses morality and value systems that usually measure basic decency. We need to recognize that in asking this question, we already position ourselves to claim that they do not exist, which poses the question in the first place. The presence of the question indirectly advises the good men that do exist that we do not believe in their existence which does a lot of subconscious harm we often do not address. Many might not know that when we say something long enough, we try to prove it accurate, which works for both negative and positive thoughts. So, is it that good men do not exist, or is the lens we look through claiming this overall? Tune in to the discussion!
Have you ever heard of Stockholm Syndrome? You might be unaware that forgiving certain people is attached to it. You could also be unaware that various traumas might be unforgivable, even when there is pressure to forgive everyone for everything. Most notably, especially during Black History Month, the Black population is often required to forgive situations that other populations experience less often or not at all. The exact population who has been one of the world's most infamous ghostwriters has been undervalued for centuries and forced into forgiving oppression that continues to happen long after the apology. If you struggle to understand forgiveness in any capacity, regardless of your race, ethnicity, creed, or culture, this episode is for you!
Ever attended a PWI? Been told that you "talk White?" Assimilated beyond the point of codeswitching that your own racial identity has ever been unfamiliar? Then tune in to this episode! Honoring Black History Month as a Black female for others that look like me, sound like me, and serve as allies FOR me...the self-esteem of all involved has been impacted, and again...this episode is for you!
In honor of Black empowerment and a month designated for expressions of love, the February focus will be on recognizing the impact that racial profiling has on our self-esteem. The spotlight will be given directly to identifying secondary trauma and how when police brutality is interwoven into the picture, it impacts those who are not even directly experiencing it! If the most recent and tragic events create discomfort for your psyche or daily routine, this episode is for you today!
What does it mean to go from strangers to love? We often skip the essential stage of collecting data objectively in a friendship space. If we all get into the habit of doing this more intentionally, even if we are already involved romantically, then we can screen more effectively without feeling enmeshed in the potential trauma bonds and unhealthy codependency that potentially arise from skipping this stage.
If you have found yourself people-pleasing or latching onto others with oversharing or overcompensating for emotional distance, this episode is for you! Any gender can have Mother Wounds; Any gender can have Father Wounds. The most important thing to note is that they show in you trying to parent your partners when they are unresolved.
Many of us have heard that the most effective apology is changed behavior, which is typically the measurement of if someone is remorseful enough not to repeat something that produced an apology. However, what happens when you need an apology that you've never received or are unable to know how to apologize or when it's essential? What happens when someone refuses to change their behavior or replaces apologies with ineffective actions? We've all experienced these scenarios directly or indirectly, which means this episode is for you!
Have you learned that intimacy is solely tied to a sexual relationship or that forming vulnerable connections needs to lead to romantic relationships? Then this podcast episode is for you today! Enjoy!
How well do you listen to yourself to even be able to listen to others? Do you find yourself more reactionary than with patience? Are you often trying to prove your point more than understand who you're engaging with in conversation? Then this episode is for you!
Letting go of anything isn't about forgetting that it happened. It's about understanding why you're still holding onto it. It's about assessing the quality of maintaining it in your proximity. It's about the guilt we often feel about engaging in finite things. If you tend to prioritize things you cannot control that become detrimental in your grasp, this episode is for you and the inner child who might be impacted.
We all have a type. Good or bad. Did you know that your "type" is based on your self-esteem and how you are wired to select who you do from previous trauma, reliving old narratives, or just trying to prove your ego wrong about red flags? If you have ever justified picking harmful or unhealthy people, this episode is for you! #TherapyThursday
Consent is all about boundaries, healthy communication, and conscious permission! Listen in as we expound on this through the #MalMinute and dive even deeper with Pleasure Strategist and Sexual Health Educator, Tonya "Tcheseret" O'Bryan.
Today, we explore the depth of emotional availability through conversations, questions from the audience, and introspection. We are joined by special guest Mallory McCoy, who will also unveil our ongoing segment, "Mal Minute."
I've taken 3 months to overthink this upload, literally proving the point of this podcast LOL. The mere insecurity of how well I might do is still connected to how I feel about my ability to start a new journey into the unknown. This episode starts the journey for us all to improve how we feel about ourselves and know that our perception of our self-worth is correlated to the decisions we make when connecting with ourselves and others. I have decided to start us all off by explaining that even the most qualified individuals for regulating their emotions struggle to understand themselves, even me.