Thriving Moms of Autistics: Recent Episodes

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Hi Moms! There will always be others who either do not understand autism because they lack experience or are not willing to learn.

Human nature supports that this will always be an issue. It can push our buttons and cause our children distress.

In this episode, I will share some practical self-care tips for you, as well as effective strategies for setting boundaries with other adults.

By the end of our discussion, you'll feel more empowered to handle these challenging situations with confidence and grace.

Together, let's create a more supportive environment for both you and your amazing children.

Find the full transcript for this episode at https://thrivingmomsofautistics.com/97

Please share the podcast with other moms to help them grow in their autism journey. You can also do this by leaving a review on Apple Podcasts. I appreciate you!

Be sure to subscribe to the Thriving Moms of Autistics YouTube Channel!

Why Others Are Not Open to Understanding Autism and Willing to Support Your Family

Whether you are in the grocery store, park, a holiday gathering, or a birthday party, you are going to encounter judgment. This can even happen in your own home!

There are times when others simply don’t have the experience or information to understand what is happening but are willing to listen and learn.

Then there are those, who aren’t interested in learning more and supporting families in the autism community.

This can be a sign of a low emotional intelligence, which is common in those who tend to argue, blame others, fail to listen to others, and generally have poor coping skills.

It is important to remember that you have no power over them. They are on their own journey in life.

Your journey is very different from theirs. You only have control over your thoughts and behaviors, which will ultimately impact your journey.

That means that you can choose to get hung up on what they’ve said or what they’ve done. Or you can choose to move forward and grow in spite of them.

You don’t just move on with a snap of a finger. You have to work at it a bit. The more you do this, the less time it takes to move on. It becomes second nature.

We all have different personalities, which are derived from a combination of traits we are born with and beliefs and experiences that we learn over the years.

These are things to keep in mind when dealing with others.

Setting Boundaries with Others Is a Form of Self-Care for Autism Moms

Moms raising autistics are often the most neglected person in the household.

They are focused on supporting their other children, spouse or significant other, handling the day to day of the household, and making sure their autistic child is safe and has all their needs met.

On top of everything else, they are met with opposition when others don’t get autism. It is easy to let loose and put others in their place.

However, it often causes more distress and shame when we realize that someone didn’t mean harm and was coming from a place of ignorance.

We have all been there, afterall.. haven’t we?

I have found that I save myself a lot of embarrassment when I dive a little deeper to find out where they are coming from.

Setting boundaries helps me to educate them on what works best for our family and why. They can take it or leave it.

So, it is a way to avoid compounding the issue, but is also important for your personal self-care. Because once it escalates, it impacts you and our child.

Strategies That Will Help Moms of Auti

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Hi Moms! We live in a problem oriented society where people tend to focus on the negative. It makes it hard for us to grow as individuals.

One of the things I love about positive psychology is that we don’t focus on what is wrong with us but use what is right to get through challenges.

What autism mom doesn’t want to know a potential game changer when they are dealing with a meltdown, transitions, or when the unexpected happens?

In this episode, we explore how being strength centered helps moms of autistics grow and overcome challenges. It’s like our very own superpower.

Superpower? Sign me up!

Find the full transcript for this episode at https://thrivingmomsofautistics.com/96

Please share the podcast with other moms to help them grow in their autism journey. You can also do this by leaving a review on Apple Podcasts. I appreciate you!

Be sure to subscribe to the Thriving Moms of Autistics YouTube Channel!

Get a Well-Being Boost by Shifting Your Focus and Using Your Innate Superpower

When I became a therapist nearly three decades ago, there was a shift in the field. I had been practicing for a few years when they introduced this idea of asking people about their strengths and what they did well.

I was a kid myself to be honest and pretty green. I wondered why such emphasis was being placed on this. After all, if we didn’t get to identifying the problem and all that came with it, then how could we move forward, right?

Actually, the strengths question was quite brilliant. Positive psychology was very new at the time but they were onto something.

The idea was to identify your strengths, grow them, and use them when the hard stuff came around.

The problem was that when you ask someone to identify their strength, it is very difficult for them to identify even one. This is pretty common.

We can list our weaknesses like it’s nobody’s business. That is one of the reasons I embedded the strength component into my programs.

The research supports it because it is that important!

How Can Moms Learn More About Their Innate Strengths

First of all, we are born with several strengths whether we are aware of them or not. However, you have to be aware of them to grow them and use them effectively.

I help moms with this very thing. So to get you started, here are some questions to ask yourself that will get you thinking about your personal strengths.

1. Can you recall a time when you felt particularly proud of how you managed a challenging situation with your child? What strengths did you exhibit during that time? How did you help your child through it?
2. How do you show your love and support to your child that is unique to you?
3. When do you feel most confident and capable as a mother?

You probably won’t immediately identify your strengths. These are questions you should write down and let marinate. Ask someone who knows you well to help answer them.

What Do Strengths Look Like in Moms of Autistics?

One of my strengths is related to prudence. I have always been a cautious person, who thought things through and analyzed potential issues before acting.

It drives my husband nuts, but he knows it has saved our butts many times. As moms, we know our children very well. I tend to take this into consideration when making even basic decisions.

For example, I know that taking my son to more than one store in a day might be a recipe for disaster..meltdown style.

I usually think ahead and analyze potential dangers. This is one of my strengths. Also, I only have to lea

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Hi Moms! I’m developing my new course right now that will be coming out this Fall 2024. So, that’s just around the corner.

The past couple of weeks, I have been working on the self-care and setting boundaries modules.

Wouldn’t you know that many incidents have popped up related to setting firm boundaries.

I wondered if this is more common than I think, but now that I am better at setting those boundaries I just don't realize it as much.

That’s the goal, right? When you are better at something, it is less overwhelming.

I suspect that it is a combination of that and working on the actual module, but one of the issues was pretty serious.

In this episode, we explore how issues pop up often that require us to set firm boundaries for self-care so that we can have some peace in our autism journey whether it is related to autism or life in general.

Find the full transcript for this episode at https://thrivingmomsofautistics.com/95

Please share the podcast with other moms to help them grow in their autism journey. You can also do this by leaving a review on Apple Podcasts. I appreciate you!

Be sure to subscribe to the Thriving Moms of Autistics YouTube Channel!

Navigating Stress Well is Critical for an Autism Mom’s Well-Bing

Let’s walk through a few statements to assess where you are with setting boundaries.

First, I want to say… be honest. What you are feeling is very real and it’s more common than you think.

Give yourself permission to be real because only then can you meet yourself where you are at and move forward.

1. When someone crosses the line, I immediately get defensive.
2. I avoid issues that are stressful because I feel I don’t have enough energy to give it.
3. I don’t feel strong enough to deal with issues because I have to focus on my child.

Remember, we all start out somewhere, but that doesn’t have to be our destination.

You might even handle these things well, but it creeps up on you at some point and you don’t.

That is normal too. We are human beings. These episodes serve as reminders of these things from time to time and aim to support you.

Let’s break down these statements.

Statement number one reminds us that we are human. You might get defensive now, but with practice, you can let it marinate and calm yourself before you deal with the problem.

It feels good to give a piece of your mind in the moment, but it is not helpful in the long term.

Statement 2 explores what happens when you are tired and exhausted. Moms of autistics feel this on a deep level.

When you stop and engage in self care in that moment to calm yourself and prepare for what comes next, you don’t have to avoid it and can deal with it.

I’m going to teach techniques in my course. Your well-being comes first. Also, your doing so is action and not avoidance.

Statement 3 reminds us of who we are. You are a mom raising an autistic child. It’s hard at times, but you are still standing.

DO NOT sell yourself short. Many moms hate when someone calls them strong. They say, “I don’t have a choice.”

Everyone has a choice. You choose to keep going when it is difficult. And as lonely as it feels, you are not alone. That is a whole other episode.

What Can Autism Moms Do When Someone Crosses the Line?

A while back, I encountered someone who clearly did not understand autism. Sometimes, that feels like a regular Tuesday, doesn’t it?

He is someone who is in the public and does some really important wor

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Hi Moms! I was in bed trying to fall asleep one night last week and was having a really hard time. I felt so unsettled.

In this episode, we dive into just how common this is for moms raising autistics, why it happens, what triggers it, and tips to shut it down and take back your control.

Find the full transcript for this episode at https://thrivingmomsofautistics.com/94

Please share the podcast with other moms to help them grow in their autism journey. You can also do this by leaving a review on Apple Podcasts. I appreciate you!

Be sure to subscribe to the Thriving Moms of Autistics YouTube Channel!

What Are Negative Thought Traps and Why Do They Occur in Moms of Autistics?

Back to those nagging thoughts keeping me up…

I kept playing a possible situation in my head regarding someone, who I have to deal with that doesn’t have my family’s best interest at heart.

Have you done that before? It’s miserable. Some refer to it as thought looping, where you play a negative thought or situation over and over in your mind.

Technically, this is referred to as rumination and impacts your well-being if you don’t get a handle on it. We have all done this, but I had dumped that nasty habit a long time ago.

Sometimes, these thoughts creep up and are actually a form of controlling something that feels so out of control.

This is common with anxiety. It is especially common in autism moms. I used to do this much more often, but broke the habit.

Rumination is when we focus on problems or distressing thoughts. It might be a past mistake or situation that happened or might happen. We play it over and over on a mental loop. We feel like we gain control over it on some level, but we are really not.

Moms of autistics are thinkers. We plan to get out ahead of things, which makes it easy to get stuck in this thought pattern.

It’s okay to be a planner, but not when you get stuck or start ruminating.

The Importance of Recognizing Negative Thought Patterns and Taking Back Your Power as an Autism Mom

Staying in the negative loop and ruminating is problematic for several reasons. One is that it feels terrible and is not helpful. You deserve better than that. It’s just not helpful.

That’s why I decided to do this segment today. I know what this feels like and I don’t want it for you. I broke the cycle and I want to help you break it too.

Another reason is that it impacts your well-being and mental health. When you stay in a state of negativity, it makes it difficult to move forward.

You get stuck in patterns of anxiety and depression. This impacts your child as well. They can smell this from a mile away and often take on effects it has on you as their mom.

4 Steps to Help Moms Break the Chains of a Fixed Mindset and Grow?

1. Understand that rumination is a habit and a choice. You choose to stay on the negative thought loop.
2. Catch it early when it happens. Acknowledge it! This can be difficult when it is a deeply embedded habit, but it is possible.
3. Choose to stay in it or remove it. Kick it to the curb! Use the discomfort and pain you experience from it to drive your decision to change.
4. Change the Narrative. You might need to briefly step away from it all together to collect yourself and focus on something positive in your life. This might be reflecting on gratitude and things you are thankful for. Once your mind is in a better place, you can reflect on what you can control in this situation and the wins you will achieve as a result.

Here are some takeaways to guide you in your transforma

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Hi Moms! Raising a child on the spectrum keeps us busy while adding bumps in our autism journey along the way.

It is natural to experience shifts in your mindset that leaves you feeling discouraged.

Our children don’t just check off the milestone boxes.

They keep us on our toes and sometimes revisit old behaviors and challenges. Other times, they keep moving forward.

I was just chatting with a friend, who explored this very thing. You know the one I am talking about. Regression!

It happens to all of us. Sometimes, our child regresses briefly. Other times, it sticks around a bit longer than we would like. But nonetheless, it happens.

So let’s take a deep breath in for 5 and hold and deeply out for 6.

Because in this episode, we dive into what to do when regression occurs and we feel like we aren’t doing enough or have dropped the ball when our child needs us most.

Find the full transcript for this episode at https://thrivingmomsofautistics.com/93

Please share the podcast with other moms to help them grow in their autism journey. You can also do this by leaving a review on Apple Podcasts. I appreciate you!

Be sure to subscribe to the Thriving Moms of Autistics YouTube Channel!

When Climbing the Mountains of Autism Impacts Mom’s Well-Being and Mindset

We all enjoy those times when things seem a bit more settled. It is different for all families.

Some might feel challenges are consistent with very short lived breaks, while others might experience brief periods of calm before the next challenge.

All of these are true, but they come in seasons.

Regardless of your experience, we have all felt that we could have handled some situations better than we did.

That leaves us with disappointment, sadness, and sometimes shame. All moms regardless of their situation experience this.

Autism moms likely experience more of this given the challenges they are faced with. We can be really hard on ourselves.

What Can Autism Moms Do When They Are Frustrated and Need Positive Change?

When this occurs, create awareness. You already know that something is amiss.

It is really helpful to identify what you are feeling. For example, you might be feeling angry. Narrow that down. Are you feeling frustrated? Annoyed? Put a name to the feeling.

When we feel frustrated because we might not have handled something as well as we could have, our go to is to blame.

When we blame others or blame ourselves, we get stuck and struggle to move forward. We only have control over ourselves for one.

Here are 4 steps for moving forward, so that you can grow as a mom in your autism journey:

1. Gain clarity though awareness
2. Be willing to stop blaming yourself & recognize it will only lead to being stuck
3. Remind yourself that you don’t know what you don’t know and that you aren’t perfect
4. Decide to learn from it and use that lesson in the future!

Always remember that you control your own thoughts and feelings. I know that is hard because we feel so out of control at times.

Exploring and owning your thoughts and feelings can be scary, but you can do this, and you’re not alone in that.

Also, don’t underestimate your power of learning lessons along the way so that you recognize your resilience and can be empowered as you grow your mindset and overcome obstacles along the way.

We are life-long learners!

I hope this helps. I look forward to our time together next week.

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An Autism Moms Journey is Ever Changing

Hi there, it's Christina. I hope you are having a wonderful week. We're going to do things a little differently this week.

So I thought that we would just spend some really organic time together where I'm just going to be vulnerable and just share some things with you, because I think it's good for everyone to kind of get an idea.

So you know that this person does understand, this person has a child on the spectrum and has experiences that are similar to me, right?

That's really, really important, so I thought, okay, I'm just going to peel back some of the layers and I'm going to share some of that with you today. Now, we all remember what it was like when we had our child, right?

It was one of the best days of my life. My parents actually divorced when I was four, which was unusual in the 70s, so of course, you know, I'm different from everyone just based on that.

But actually, I was really different from other people anyway. You know, it was really new, the whole neurodivergence, and all of those things, so.

My parents decided to get back together and get married again. And then they divorced again when I was five. They tried, okay? You've got to give them that. They tried.

We actually moved from Florida and up to a northern state. And everything was so different. So I had to really assimilate into a different way of living.

I knew I was different, like I said, and I saw all the seasons as I was growing up. I see that now and how that really has helped me develop into the person that I am today. So I had decided that I was going to wait to get married.

I wanted to be a psychologist. I loved working with children and families and adults and just anybody and everybody.

You know, all of the populations that I worked with, I just loved them all. And I was married to my work for the longest time until the right person came around. And I was willing to wait.

So I got married at 40. Along the way, I had some medical issues and the doctor said that I wouldn't have children.

And I thought, you know, God's bigger than that. You know, maybe if another doctor says that, okay, that's something else. And so another doctor came along eventually and said, I don't see you having children.

I don't think it's going to be possible. But then there was a third, eventually, in my thirties, and he said, I don't know why not.

And I thought, okay, I'm going to look at the statistics here, because I'm a data girl. And I thought, okay, you know, two people have already told me this.

Maybe, I should just go ahead and just live my life the way it was meant to live, and it's still going to be a beautiful life. It's going to be okay.

I did grieve, and especially when a lot of people say, Oh, it's such a shame because you should be a mom. It wasn't something that I was going to have.

So I accepted it, and then I met my husband. And we knew right away, oh yeah, that he was the one. And I told him, I said, you need to understand because I don't know if you want children, but I'm not going to be able to have children.

So he's like, no, cause he was actually older than me and by a couple of years. So we're headed for retirement. We're thinking about retirement and planning.

And so I was sitting at my desk one day. I was still practicing at the time and it was almost lunchtime and I thought, oh man, I'm so hungry.

I've never been so hungry in my life. And I had been feeling kind of weird for a couple days. Something was off. So, I just finished up some paperwork, getting ready to go to lunch.

And you know what? It just hit me like a ton of bricks, literally. And I know that whenever I get a nudge in my stomach, and for me, you know, in my faith, I know that that

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Hi Moms! Who are you surrounded by in your journey? Are you alone when it comes to support?

Or do you have a small number of people around you who understand autism and support you?

You might have a mix of people who get autism with those who don’t. Regardless of where you are in your journey, you won’t want to miss this.

In this episode, we dive into building the support you need for your autism journey starting with where you are based on your needs.

Find the full transcript for this episode at https://thrivingmomsofautistics.com/91

Please share the podcast with other moms to help them grow in their autism journey. You can also do this by leaving a review on Apple Podcasts. I appreciate you!

Be sure to subscribe to the Thriving Moms of Autistics YouTube Channel!

Can Moms Manage Their Autism Journey Successfully on Their Own or With Limited Support?

In previous episodes, I mentioned the early years of my journey and how I lacked community. Things were very different then.

My husband and I believed that we were doing well on our own. Afterall, it is hard to help others understand autism.

They often have many preconceived ideas about autism. It’s hard to understand something so complex when you have little to no experience with it.

I was a psychologist, so I figured that between me and my husband, we could handle it.

That sounded good, right? But it wasn’t realistic. We needed more. Our lives changed so much once we made the decision to invite others in. The right people, of course.

What Does a Positive Community Look Like for an Autism Mom?

The autism experience has its ups and downs as with anything in life. Sometimes people don’t understand the “why” behind the behavior.

They don’t understand how autistics experience the world differently based on their sensory needs. As humans, we often make assumptions about things we don’t understand.

There is one thing I want you to remember. You only have control over you. Your thoughts… your actions… Others are responsible for themselves. They have to make the decision to get it or not.

A supportive community might look like connecting with other moms, support groups, professionals, and so much more.

When you meet someone who gets your experience, it is a huge relief. There is this beautiful shift that occurs.

Even if support is coming from a professional that deals with it from a different point of view, they can still support based on empathy and tips they have learned from other’s experiences. They genuinely want to help.

When I talk about the shift that occurs, I am referring to hope. That is the best example I can come up with. When I feel that shift in being supported, I feel hopeful, empowered, and more confident.

You deserve to have this too because the road we travel can be hard at times. The increased stress, anxiety, demands, and burnout have an impact on our mental health and well-being.

That is another reason why it is important to have a positive support system.

Here are some tips for finding your tribe:

1. Identify what works best for you. Only you know what a good fit is for you and your family.
2. Be mindful that online communities are wide open in terms of what might or might not be a fit for you. It is okay to keep scrolling when your values are different from other members.
3. Find professions that you mesh well with.
4. If someone (family or friend) pushes their ideas on you or refuse to be respectful of your beliefs and experiences, they are not likely a good fit for your supportive en

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Hi Moms! As moms, we are all different. We have different beliefs, different personalities, and different situations.

Our kids are the same way. They experience unique challenges that each face differently based on their sensory experiences.

With that said, moms share a multitude of things and the impact it has on their well-being.

My son went through a very difficult season when my husband and I got sick a few years ago. I recall picking him up from Kindergarten one day.

I still had drain tubes coming out of my stomach and was healing. It took everything I had to pick him up and bring him home.

He was in the middle of a behavior and struggling to find calm. He was in full on fight mode trying to deal with his emotions and regulate his body as his two therapists were getting him into the car.

I avoided turning around from the driver's seat. For one, I didn’t want to distract from what they were doing to help him and the process in general. I did not want him to see my tears. I recall thinking, I can’t do this. “Can’t” is not usually in my vocabulary, but I was at a loss for so many reasons.

Moms are human beings. We experience hard emotions and sometimes do not react well. Sometimes we have thoughts that we are ashamed of.

We have ALL been there. It happens. Where we go from there is critical to our success.

In this episode, I share some tips to help you transition from feeling overwhelmed and incompetent to feeling confident and empowered.

Find the full transcript for this episode at https://thrivingmomsofautistics.com/90

Please share the podcast with other moms to help them grow in their autism journey. You can also do this by leaving a review on Apple Podcasts. I appreciate you!

Be sure to subscribe to the Thriving Moms of Autistics YouTube Channel!

Self-Awareness and Autism Moms

It starts with self-awareness. Without awareness, you cannot move forward. You must first recognize your thoughts and feelings. Remind yourself that “this” is hard, and you’re going to struggle at times.

Once you recognize that and remember you are an imperfect human, you allow yourself to shift and change the narrative.

Moms often get stuck in the negative narrative. I’ve been there too. You cannot win when you’re stuck. We can judge ourselves pretty harshly.

Key Ingredients for Mom Growth

The first ingredient for growth is awareness. The second is reframing. This allows you to shift away from being stuck in negativity to changing your perspective, which leads to success.

I often say that perception is everything. It can make or break you.

It is so easy to get caught up in what went wrong. It can be hard to find something that went right in difficult situations.

One way to reframe your thoughts is to think of challenges as setbacks and opportunities for growth.

Instead of saying, “I can’t” or “there is nothing I can do,” you can acknowledge what occurred and your part in it. Then, you can consider how you might handle it differently in the future.

Don’t forget to celebrate small wins along the way. That gives you momentum and is a wonderful opportunity to identify what has gone right.

One way to feel empowered is to recognize those small wins. Giving yourself grace in the difficulties goes a very long way.

This is one reason why self-care and building your support network are important.

In my upcoming course, I focus on all of the important ingredients for mom's success. This new course is near to my heart because I recognize that autism m

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Hi Moms! Facing the unique challenges of raising an autistic can feel very heavy. If I said that there are ways to lighten your load, would you jump on it?

You might not believe it is even possible. But I know it is because I have experienced it myself. There is also years of research that supports it.

In this episode, I share our common experiences and how you can leverage your own innate tools to overcome challenges.

Find the full transcript for this episode at https://thrivingmomsofautistics.com/89

Please share the podcast with other moms to help them grow in their autism journey. You can also do this by leaving a review on Apple Podcasts. I appreciate you!

Be sure to subscribe to the Thriving Moms of Autistics YouTube Channel!

Common Experiences of Autism Moms

One of the biggest barriers for any autistic child is communication. As moms we become quite skillful at determining our child’s concerns and needs.

However, there are times we miss the mark, which is completely normal. This can feel overwhelming for moms and their children. We want to support our children the best we can.

Moms typically become very in tune with their child’s heightened or reduced sensitivity to sensory inputs. Depending on the child, this leads to meltdowns or withdrawal. Again, there is no perfect calculation for moms to catch this every time.

Transitions and schedule changes often pose issues. Sometimes, moms cannot plan for these. It happens and will happen in the future.

These are things all autism moms experience. The good news is there are things that can help, especially when the unexpected occurs.

When Moms Harness Their Innate Strengths, It Is a Game Changer

Innate just means something within you. Something you are born with whether you are aware of it or not.

What are your superpowers? Everyone has them, but you can’t use them if you’re not aware of them.

Your strengths are key to thriving in the midst of challenges. When you leverage your strengths in these difficult times, you change the outcome.

Sometimes, we feel there is nothing we can do. But we do have some power. Acknowledging this allows for hope.

We are unique individuals and do not all have the same strengths. These are things you are born with. They are a part of you. Once you are aware of your strengths, you can use and grow them like building a muscle.

Here are some examples of strengths that can be used when difficulties arise.

1. Perseverance- Moms with the strength of perseverance do not give up easily and see things to the end. This is associated with courage.
2. Prudence- Prudent moms tend to think things through in the process. They consider the consequences and proceed with caution, wisdom, and reason.
3. Social Intelligence- Moms with higher social intelligence are able to understand their own behaviors and the behaviors of others based on experiences of what has worked and what has not in the past.

They are able to pick up on things relatively quickly. This is an important strength to have when faced with challenges.

So, what are your strengths? This is hard to identify for all of us. Ask yourself, “What do I do well?

If you are still having trouble, remember that everyone has strengths. Ask someone who knows you well to offer their insights into your strengths. Ask a few people if you can.

This is so important because your strengths help you uniquely tackle challenges that often occur.

I hope this helps and I look forward to our time together nex

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Hi Moms! Welcome to a space created for moms like you with children on the spectrum. It’s a place to feel understood and know you are not alone.

In this episode, I explore a topic that all moms know all too well at least on some level. It is a hard, yet very important topic. I am talking about lacking a supportive environment or community.

Find the full transcript for this episode at

www.thrivingmomsofautistics.com/88

Please share the podcast with other moms to help them grow in their autism journey. You can also do this by leaving a review on Apple Podcasts. I appreciate you!

When Moms of Autistics Don’t Have Others to Lean On

Having a network of like-minded individuals, who understand autism is like striking gold. There is so much power and strength in having such a community.

Unfortunately, many moms don’t have that. If they do, it is limited or underdeveloped.

Raising an autistic can be quite joyful, but there are times of great struggles. It is good to have others, who empathize rather than judge and support you through it. It’s a very lonely place to be at times.

I often hear stories of families, friends, providers, and even strangers in public that don’t understand raising an autistic child. There are so many misconceptions making it even more isolating.

People tend to assume that it is no different from raising a neurotypical child and that the same strategies work for autistics. That could not be further from the truth.

Some moms have found groups of moms raising neurotypical but find their misconceptions even more challenging and daunting. Their expectations are so different for themselves and others.

The looks and judgments are harmful even when unintended. It weighs heavily on moms and often leads to feelings of anxiety and depression. These stories are all too common.

Does this resonate with you?

The truth is that you are not alone. There are others like you. It’s just a matter of finding them. It’s not impossible to build a support system of individuals who understand autism.

I help moms create a supportive environment tailored to their needs so they can move towards thriving in their autism journey. For more information, go to the homepage of https://thrivingmomsofautistics.com/work-with-christina/ and click on “work with Christina.”

How Can Moms of Autistics Make a Shift Out of Isolation in the Meantime?

Building a solid support system takes time. Here are a couple ways to jumpstart your community.

1. Online Communities - Be cautious because not all online groups are created equal. Find one that suits your needs. There will always be one or two individuals that are difficult, but if you find a group with strong administrators, you will be supported. This is a great way to find others with similar experiences. This is a first step and does not replace in-person connections. It is a great resource and helps you see that there are others like you.
2. Providers and Other Professionals - All families have a team of professionals helping them. Be mindful of your choice of providers. If your child’s doctor doesn’t understand autism, they are not for you. Sometimes there are barriers that are difficult to get around but do your best. It might take time to find other options.

The road is not easy, but you have the strength and resilience to navigate through it. Continue to celebrate small wins along the way. And you are not alone and have options.

I hope this helps!

Let’s meet up again next week!

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Hi Moms! Are you feeling held back as a mom and drowning in your own stress? What if I told you that you have the power within you to elicit change.

Yes, you! Even with all your stressors and challenges as a mom of an autistic, you can make things happen.

In this episode, I explore what holds you back and keeps you stuck in the continual cycle of stress.

Find the full transcript for this episode at https://thrivingmomsofautistics.com/87

Please share the podcast with other moms to help them grow in their autism journey. You can also do this by leaving a review on Apple Podcasts. I appreciate you!

Be sure to subscribe to the Thriving Moms of Autistics YouTube Channel!

The #1 Thing Holding Autism Moms Back?

There are many barriers to thriving in your autism journey. One of the biggest is your thoughts. We call them cognitive distortions.

They are great disrupters that everyone experiences at some point in life. It is the human condition. Thankfully, it doesn’t have to be like this.

Unfortunately, autism moms tend to carrier more stress and challenges. You can address these cognitive distortions and cultivate a growth mindset.

Here are some examples of cognitive distortions:

1. All-or-Nothing Thinking- This is also called back and one thinking. You see it one way or the other meaning that there is no in between.
2. Overgeneralization- You expect that one negative outcome to happen repeatedly.
3. Catastrophizing- Predicting or expecting the worst-case scenario.
4. Personalization- Blaming yourself for events beyond your control.

Do any of these sound familiar? I know because I have been there too. I never want to go back to that.

There is no magic wand to make these go away. It takes work and practice, but you can do this, and you are not alone!

When you stay on the road of distorted thinking, your child learns this type of thinking, which escalates the struggles.

Distortions keep you from seeing the situation clearly and finding solid solutions for challenges.

Embracing the #1 Solution for Getting Stuck in Your Own Head

Carol Dweck studied this very thing for years. She posits that our beliefs about our abilities and intellect can be developed over time with effort. That’s right! We can learn and persevere.

This is important because it can help us reduce stress, improve our problem solving skills, and increase our emotional resilience.

In essence, we start believing that we can influence things for the better, creatively solve problems, and bounce back quicker. Sign me up, right!!!

How Do Moms Achieve This and Grow in their Journey to Thrive?

You can achieve a growth mindset when you practice:

1. Self-Awareness- This is hard to do when it is hitting the fan and things are falling apart. It is important to explore what you are thinking about the situation and ask, “Is this true?”
2. Challenge Your Negative Thinking- When you ask if it is true or not, look for evidence. What are the alternatives?
3. Be Realistic- Are your goals realistic? If not, break them down into achievable goals. Be sure to celebrate small wins along the way.
4. Grace- Show yourself some compassion and grace. The road is bumpy at times and will never be perfect, but you can achieve some calm if you stay the course mentally.
5. Learn- Be open to learning for situations and recognize that you can use w

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Hi Moms! Did you know that there is something special within you? Yes! There is! It is hard to see it sometimes because raising an autistic child keeps you busy. You might miss the very thing I am talking about!

When I meet other moms raising autistic children, it’s like the angels are singing above. I have found another human being, who gets it.

I want to be clear. Moms are not all the same. It is their experiences that are similar.

With that said, moms have innate strengths that are specific to them. That means that they are born with and have the opportunity to build those strengths to overcome their challenges.

In this episode, I explore those very individual strengths that moms possess that can be built over time to help them to help them be their best! Also, I explore connection with others to build their community.

Find the full transcript for this episode at https://thrivingmomsofautistics.com/86

Please share the podcast with other moms to help them grow in their autism journey. You can also do this by leaving a review on Apple Podcasts. I appreciate you!

Be sure to subscribe to the Thriving Moms of Autistics YouTube Channel!

Why Are Strengths Important for Autism Moms?

We moms are more than aware of the stress that we feel some days. It is part of the process. All moms feel stress, but moms of autistics experience unique challenges.

With that said, I would do it all over again for my son. I suspect you would too!

I think it is important to acknowledge moms stress in general. Let’s support one another as moms, who are raising neurotypical and/or neurodiverse children. As one of my t-shirts says, “Mommin ain't easy!

I recognize mom stress in general. Let’s vow to help one another. So many don’t understand autism. But autism moms might forget about the general stressors that all moms experience overall. That can connect us on some level.

When moms of neurodivergent children step up for moms of neurotypical children and vice versa, anything is possible. This bridges the gap! We come together and see beyond what we do not always understand.

So how can moms with unique needs, support themselves and their child to overcome these challenges?

Do you feel isolated because of the differences you face as a mom of an autistic child?

Do you feel misunderstood?

Do you feel like others do not relate?

How can moms align with other moms to bridge that gap?

You might express to others that you don’t have the answers for moms of neurotypicals but are here to listen to them.

Also, you might ask for the same from them. Sometimes, people need time for it to click when exploring our differences. That is natural.

I am here to tell you that these are common feelings! That is right! It is like anything in life. We have different experiences. The important thing is that we listen to others and try to understand their experiences.

Try not to have automatic judgments about something you have not experienced before. It does not feel good when you are on the other side of this.

I have to remind myself of this at times. It is our human nature.

Listen to others and support them the best you can. You do not have to have the same experiences to do this. Sometimes, people just need someone to listen to them when they are struggling. That can be very powerful!

Can’t we do that for one another?

As a mom of your autistic, I have learned that my innate strength go a long way. As a psychologist for three decades, I recognize the importance of strengths that he

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Hi Moms! I am willing to bet that every mom will resonate with today’s topic. No one leads a stress-free life. This is especially true for moms of autistics.

That is why this topic is essential for your well-being and longevity. Moms want to be around for their kids long term. Constant stress creates wear and tear on your body and mind.

In this episode, I explore the key to embracing your autism journey when things get so challenging.

Find the full transcript for this episode at https://thrivingmomsofautistics.com/85

Please share the podcast with other moms to help them grow in their autism journey. You can also do this by leaving a review on Apple Podcasts. I appreciate you!

Be sure to subscribe to the Thriving Moms of Autistics YouTube Channel!

Moms of Autistics Commonly Experience Stress and Challenges

All Moms experience challenges when raising children. The challenges of raising an autistic are different.

While autism moms experience similar issues, their autism journeys differ. It’s not the same for everyone.

Some moms experience elopements and meltdowns at home and in public. Others experience aggression and violent situations.

In addition most moms worry about their child’s safety. I recall our son at age 3 running down the hallway as the church was letting out. Someone opened the door and he took a sharp turn out the door and across the parking lot.

A man stopped his car and grabbed him as he approached the busy street. We were running behind him and calling for him as quickly and loudly as we could.

I was about to have ankle surgery, which slowed me down at the time. It was horrifying.

Some moms experience PTSD from repeated incidents. Our minds can only handle so much. This is why taking steps to improve our well-being is so important.

Seeing your child suffer through a meltdown is so hard. We love them so much and want to help them so desperately.

All of this takes a toll on moms. Not because they are weak, but because the challenges are significant at times.

I do what I can to support my sons well-being. I don’t want him to feel badly about something he cannot help.

It is an honor to be his mother and to be the one who gets to support him. I would do anything for him.

That is another reason why our well-being is important as moms. When moms are doing well, that overflows to their children.

We will never be perfect. There is no such thing. But we owe it to ourselves and our children to support our emotional health.

Moms experience burnout, fatigue, frustration, stress, and often emotional rollercoasters. But that is only part of it.

The Key to Moving from Surviving to Thriving in Your Journey

The key to growth is your perception. How we view events is incredibly important. My advice is to get out of your head! I say that lovingly.

Your thoughts about the world and yourself guide you, and that is what you manifest. You may have been thinking this way all your life, but you can turn it around. What a gift to yourself and your child!

A growth mindset is a belief that one can develop their abilities and intelligence through hard work. Some struggle with a fixed mindset and assume abilities are static and unchanged.

I talk often about stinking thinking, which gets you stuck. I’ve been there earlier in my life. I never want to go back. Research suggests that people with a growth mindset are happier and cope much better with stress.

Let’s Cultivate a Growth Mindset Together as Moms!

Here are some steps:

1. Be kind to

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Hi Moms! I am what you might call a late bloomer. I went to college and grad school then dove head first into my practice. I was married to my work for years.

I have many life-long friends. Some chose to get married and have children right away.

By the time I slowed down, married, and had my child, their kids were graduating from high school.

I remember what it was like when we got a minute to catch up on the phone and they were constantly interrupted. Everyone wanted a piece of mom.

I didn’t fully understand that then, but I do now that I’m a mom. So, why am I telling you this?

I didn’t get it initially because I had never had that experience. How many times have you looked back and realized you didn’t fully understand a situation?

We have all had those moments. So shouldn’t we show some grace to those who didn’t fully understand what we were experiencing at the time?

Is it possible to deal with misunderstandings and maintain our friendships with those who do not get autism?

In this episode, I explore navigating isolation, those awkward moments, and when others don’t understand autism.

Find the full transcript for this episode at https://thrivingmomsofautistics.com/84

Please share the podcast with other moms to help them grow in their autism journey. You can also do this by leaving a review on Apple Podcasts. I appreciate you!

Also, check out the Thriving Moms of Autistics YouTube Channel and hit subscribe!

Why Do Some People Struggle with Understanding a Mom’s Autism Journey and Can That Be Changed?

Moms of autistic children often report feeling isolated, especially in the beginning. It is challenging for many reasons. Others don’t understand why you handle situations with your child differently or why your child requires different parenting strategies.

For example, spanking my child would increase the behaviors because he is sensory seeking. Many neurotypicals don’t get that.

As human beings, we mentally organize information that we know about the world based on our experiences. These are known as schemas, which help us interpret new information.

As human beings, we can learn and adapt to new information. Unfortunately, we try to fit new information into our existing schemas, which leads to misunderstanding when it doesn’t fit as we think it should.

Can we learn to understand the challenges of others? Of course we can! We learn by watching others as they experience challenges when we are open to it and when we move beyond our existing schemas.

I struggled with all the interruptions when I was trying to catch up with my long-time friends.

My journey was different from theirs, but I genuinely wanted to know how they were doing and how I could support them.

Having children at that time was completely foreign to me. But I had great empathy for others, and that bridged the gap between my experiences and the experiences of others. I wanted to view the world through their lens to better understand their perspective.

Just because someone doesn’t get autism at this time doesn’t mean that they won’t learn. So how do you build your supportive community in the meantime?

I still have those life-long friends. They are as supportive as they can be. Now, will there be some that take their lack of understanding to a toxic level?

Absolutely! I no longer surround myself with those people.

Achieving the Goal of Gaining a Supportive Community for Autism Moms

The goal is to build a healthy, supportive community that you can count on during challenges and celebrate the victories with.&

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Hi Moms! Setting boundaries can be really complicated, but they are necessary. Your mind might be flooded with past experiences of getting unsolicited advice from a well-meaning person, the stares and judgment during a meltdown in the public place, or the family member, who says, “Oh, let them” because they aren’t aware of the consequences it might have for an autistic child.

Is it possible to confidently navigate these situations and maintain our own sanity while keeping our child safe?

In this episode, I explore your options when it comes to boundaries.

Find the full transcript for this episode at https://thrivingmomsofautistics.com/83

Please share the podcast with other moms to help them grow in their autism journey. You can also do this by leaving a review on Apple Podcasts. I appreciate you!

Also, check out the Thriving Moms of Autistics YouTube Channel and hit subscribe!

When Setting Boundaries Feels Impossible for Moms of Autistics Here are some real life examples of such events that moms commonly experience.

When a non-verbal child gets overwhelmed in crowds and a child keeps pushing them to play with them, how do they let you know what they need? It is hard for all of us to deal with someone, who won’t take “no” for an answer or doesn’t understand that the child cannot verbally communicate.

Navigating public or family holidays when your child is sensitive to loud noises, especially July Fourth. Some people shrug it off and don’t want to listen.

I live in a city neighborhood that is extremely loud. I deal with this frustration daily. There are fireworks, loud music, sirens, yelling, gun fire, etc.

We plan for sirens, barking, construction noises, but it is frustrating when others refuse to modify their music or follow the law in general.

As a mom, I have been teaching others about how noise impacts autistics. Unfortunately, we are dealing with people who lack concern for other human beings. That is why they are engaging in these behaviors to begin with. Moving to the country is not an option for us right now, but it is something that we are working toward.

Moms often feel powerless in many of these situations.

Moms Sometimes Don’t Set Boundaries for the Very Reasons They Should be Setting Boundaries

Here are some examples of what keep us from boundary setting:

1. People pleasing - Confrontation can be hard, especially in social situations.
2. Unfair Judgment
3. Unsolicited Advice
4. Pressure to Conform
5. Refusal to Understand
6. Feeling Overwhelmed

How Autism Moms Can Gain Back Power During These Common Challenges and Strengthen the Boundaries They Set

When you set boundaries with others, you need to do the following:

1. Know your audience - You know when someone is likely to hear your message or not. If they aren’t, you are welcome to simply state, “The music is pretty loud. Davey needs some quiet time right now. Thank you for understanding.”

They will choose to help or not. Accept their decision and move on. You might need to use another intervention. You are your child’s advocate first!

1. Don’t intervene until you are calm. Be calm and firm in your approach. As they say, “You catch more flies with honey than you do vinegar!”
2. If you are feeling uncertain about your approach, practice first. You can role-play with someone. Additional insight is often helpful. Some say, “Two heads are better than one!”
3. Be assertive! That is not the same as being aggres

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Hi Moms! The topic today is stress. You may have heard about it. It’s a doozy! In this episode, we explore the big stress that moms of autistics experience, the importance of recognizing it, and tips for managing it.

Find the full transcript for this episode at https://thrivingmomsofautistics.com/82

Please share the podcast with other moms to help them grow in their autism journey. You can also do this by leaving a review on Apple Podcasts. I appreciate you!

Also, check out the Thriving Moms of Autistics YouTube Channel and hit subscribe!

Importance of Catching the Signs of Stress Early for Autism Moms When we recognize the precursors, we can pivot in stressful situations more easily.

Let’s start with recognizing stress in our child. When our child is out of sorts, that is hard for us to see, but it is inevitable.

Our reaction to that is important, so we should increase awareness of these precursors.

It is different for every child, but commonly, children will increase stimming (rocking, pacing, etc.), show increased irritability or aggression, experiencing transitions or changes, have physical symptoms (headache, stomach ache, etc.), or at the onset of the latest bug going around.

When these things begin, stress is not far behind. Autism moms are planners. We often stay a step ahead of things, but sometimes that isn’t the case. Or we miscalculate because we are human after all.

Let’s shift to recognizing stress in ourselves. Every mom experiences stress differently. What are your typical signs that you are overloaded?

You might feel on edge, have a hard time focusing, feel tired, toss and turn at night, feel aches in your body, have a shorter fuse, or struggle to cope.

Did someone out there say, “That’s normal or That’s everyday?” If that is the case, it is so important for you to hear this. Stress takes such a toll on your body.

Moms of autistics strive to be around for their children. Constant high stress can take years off of you. You definitely don’t want that.

Here are some tips for managing your stress level:

1. Have a go-to stash for when your child starts to escalate or show signs of distress. Have one in the car, a to-go bag, and in various places in the house. The kitchen is a good place. It is hard to get away when you are cooking. Include sensory items and social stories that include steps for calming.
2. Creatively carve out 15-minutes a day for a self-care activity to recharge when you can. It’s more possible than you think.
3. Ask for help when needed. Creating a community of support feels overwhelming, but it can be done over time.

I help moms 1:1 in the Thrive VIP program develop community and self-care plans for their needs. Check it out on www.thriving moms of autistic.com and click Work with Christina for more.

1. Flip the switch! Challenges weigh us down. When we recognize potential stressors, notice your body and your thoughts. Now, ditch the stinken thinken and grow your mindset.

It can be difficult to switch gears like this. It isn’t done overnight and takes practice. I explore this in the Thrive VIP program as well.

1. Add this podcast to your resources AKA Mom Toolbox. Check out previous episodes for more ideas to tackle stress.

You have so many strengths, and you are worthy of self-care! I hope this helps!

I look forward to our time together next week!

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Hi Moms! You pour your heart and soul into raising your child, but this often leaves you running on fumes. So, it’s important to reduce your stress the best you can.

Having a village to support you is one of the best ways to de-stress. Unfortunately, so many moms don’t have that.

It can be overwhelming to even think about it. As moms it feels like it is just one more thing on our list.

I don’t want you to be like me and wait until you have no other choice. That is hard. I don’t want that for you.

In this episode, I help you prepare for building your supportive village and give you tips to get started.

Find the full transcript for this episode at https://thrivingmomsofautistics.com/81

Please share the podcast with other moms to help them grow in their autism journey. You can also do this by leaving a review on Apple Podcasts. I appreciate you!

Also, check out the Thriving Moms of Autistics YouTube Channel and hit subscribe!

How Moms of Autistics Can Prepare for the Task of Building Community

It doesn’t seem like that big of deal to others, but for autism moms.. Well, we are teetering. The thought of one more thing can really stress us out.

So, let’s talk about lightening your load and reducing stress to prepare you.

Here are some ways to reduce stress and prepare:

1. Acknowledge your feelings and fears. Don’t hide from them or ignore them. That ultimately makes it worse. It adds more to your plate in the end. You don’t need that!
2. Prioritize your self-care. When you prepare to build your support system, that is self-care AND family-care. Everyone benefits!
3. Be Mindful. You can do this by simply taking a moment to prepare your nervous system and taking deep breaths.

I know this sounds cliche, but it makes a difference. When I am overwhelmed, I do not breathe properly, which impacts my oxygen intake. As a result, I don’t think as clearly. This is more simple than you think. You can breathe in for 4, hold for 4, exhale for 5, hold for 2, and repeat until you are in a better place.

1. Identify stress triggers related to building support. This might be your experiences with others, who did not understand autism. It might seem hard to find others who get it, so why bother, right? No! There are people who get it. I promise. When you are aware of your triggers, you can shift away from them more quickly.
2. Be realistic. Sometimes, we want those who have hurt us in the past to be on our journey with us. As humans we need relationships. However, it is okay to recognize that that one person might never be what we need them to be.

This is a hard fact of life. There are others, who are willing to be a gift to us and share in our celebrations and our sorrows.

You are prepared to build your autism community, now what?

**In Episode 80, I explored building a strong community. Here are some tips to get you started now that you are mentally prepared for the task.

3) Consider your online and local options that already exist. I’ve mentioned Facebook groups for special needs. You might have some local meet-ups too.**

I recognize there is a difference between online and face to face. I teach the psychology of social media. We often explore how people are willing to say things online that they would never face-to-face.

Just keep these things in mind. Not everyone will be your cup of tea and vice versa. That’s okay. Keep scrolling.
4) Ask your spouse or partner about their vision for your support system. I

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Hi Moms! I don’t think you can summarize autism parenting in just one word. It’s such a blend of amazing, challenging, and isolating. There is so much uncertainty. However, you don’t have to go through this alone.

There are so many demands. It can feel overwhelming! In this episode, we explore the beauty of community and finding others who get it!

Find the full transcript for this episode at https://thrivingmomsofautistics.com/80

Please share the podcast with other moms to help them grow in their autism journey. You can also do this by leaving a review on Apple Podcasts. I appreciate you!

Also, check out the Thriving Moms of Autistics YouTube Channel and hit subscribe!

Why Community is Essential in Your Autism Journey

The isolation starts even before the diagnosis. Some notice the differences, while others do what they can to deny them and make you believe the differences don’t exist or are not an issue.

Finding others who get the multiple therapy appointments, the public meltdowns, and so much more is priceless.

I’ve shared some of my story in the past of how everything changed when I developed my community. Notice I said developed and not found. That is because your supportive community is developed over time and is not something that just appears.

I never thought I would hear the words, “I remember when my child did that.” I never thought I would have others to share strategies with.

Oh, and when we are in public together, watch out world! We can handle anything that comes our way.

It is a relief having a safe space to vent, where others don’t look at you like you have three heads.

We celebrate victories together, and boy can we celebrate! The little things aren’t so little.

Finding Community Takes Time for Moms of Autistics

You’ve already started developing your community. We all have therapists and case managers. Although this is a very small part of your community, it is a start.

Nearly everyone is on social media. Facebook has many special needs community groups. Most of us are in these groups already. Again, this is a very small segment of your community.

As you continue to build your community, here are some tips for building a strong, supportive community.

1. It’s easy to place others at arm's length. We endure a lot of unfair judgment from others. It’s okay to be open and authentic when sharing with others, who get your struggles and understand your celebrations.
2. Since every autism journey is different, be respectful and supportive of others, even if you don’t fully understand. Meet people where they are at. We appreciate when others do this for us.
3. Sometimes others don’t need advice or a quick fix. The greatest gift you can give them is to actively listen to them. Sometimes that is all they want, and that is okay.
4. It is wonderful to help one another, who have been in a similar boat. We can learn so much from one another. It is just as important to accept help from others.

It’s time to get off the island and start building your community and ease your burden. Let’s inspire and empower one another!

I dedicate this episode to my small group. You know who you are, and I love and cherish you!

I look forward to our time together next week!

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Hi Moms! Let’s talk about unleashing what's good within you. Everyone has something good within them. Many aren’t always aware of it, especially when things have gone so wrong and are so hard.

Sometimes we just feel so defeated that we can’t fathom having such power within ourselves.

Our mindset is a big part of that, but that is another episode.

In this episode, we will explore how identifying your strengths helps you develop your inner superpower, which is your secret weapon to tackling challenges successfully.

So get ready because this is a gamechanger!

Find the full transcript for this episode at https://thrivingmomsofautistics.com/79

Please share the podcast with other moms to help them grow in their autism journey. You can also do this by leaving a review on Apple Podcasts. I appreciate you!

Also, check out the Thriving Moms of Autistics YouTube Channel and hit subscribe!

When Autism Moms Meet Others Where They Are at But Don’t Do the Same for Themselves

As moms of autistics, we experience a lot of demands, behavioral challenges, judgmental stares, and significant stress. It’s exhausting!

We often hear, “You are so strong!” Many times moms feel overwhelmed by those statements.

We experience the full brunt of a situation. All of the things! So, it’s easier for someone else to acknowledge the good parts. However, it is not as easy for those with the full experience. The good, the bad, the ugly…

It’s okay to acknowledge your strength in the unimaginable situations that you endure. Your very strength was part of what helped you get to the other side of it after all.

Tapping into those strengths is what gets you through the inevitable challenges. It is key when shifting from surviving to thriving.

So when others say, “You’re so strong,” you might consider shifting your thoughts to, “It’s great that you used x strength in this situation.

Why? Because what you did was essential in the process for the positive outcome. We frown upon being strong, but why would we frown upon using the tools in our mom toolbox to overcome challenges?

More importantly, we don’t want to suffer through it, nor do we want our children to suffer through it.

I’m not mad when my husband puts something together with his tools when I’ve ordered something from Amazon that is going to make my life easier.

That is what tools are for! A moms tool box is no different.

Especially, when it is a tool that is a part of who we are. It’s innate. We all have strengths. We just develop them over time.

Moms often respond with “I didn’t have a choice.”

But we all have choices. In fact, moms make the choice to learn more about their strengths, grow them, and use them.

I wanted to share this because moms don’t always acknowledge how much they truly do in their journey. How much they do impact their children and their own family for the better.

It is okay to acknowledge that, and it is healthy to do so.

Unveiling Strengths of Moms of Autistics is Not as Easy As One Thinks. Here Are Some Strategies:

While working with individuals from all walks of life over the last 30 years, I have found that one of the most difficult questions to ask is, “What are your strengths,” or “What do you do well?”

I get it! That is very common. Since we all have strengths, which are imperative to our success in life, I have incorporated this in the 4 month Thrive VIP program, podcast, and other services that are coming soon.

Strengths are that important!

One of the barriers is that it feels uncomfor

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Episode Transcript

Hi Moms! Lately, I’ve been hearing from a lot of moms that they have felt so unsettled lately. They’ve expressed ongoing anxiety or a sense of doom.

I get it. I’ve had these same feelings. As moms of autistics, we work extra hard to protect our children from the unique challenges they face on top of typical child-related challenges.

We are surrounded by daily horror stories from all corners of the world. Seasoned therapists often experience PTSD from repeatedly hearing stories over the years of trauma and devastation.

Think about that for a minute. There is a lot going on around the world right now. When you have experienced extraordinary, repeated situations in your own life, you are more likely to feel the heaviness of what others are experiencing around you.

In this episode, I explore ways to protect yourself from overwhelming circumstances to minimize the long-term effects on you and your child.

Find the full transcript for this episode at http://thrivingmomsofautistics.com/78

Please share the podcast with other moms to help them grow in their autism journey. You can also do this by leaving a review on Apple Podcasts. I appreciate you!

Navigating the Chaos as an Autism Mom

I’m just going to jump right into this today. Because we all know why this is important, right? So, I don’t need to examine that.

Being surrounded by so much that is out of one’s control and can take a toll on anyone. No one is exempt from that.

You know yourself best. However, you might miss key warning signs if you’re not paying close attention. It’s a chaotic time after all.

Moms of autistics juggle a lot of balls day after day. One might think it’s impossible to catch everything as a result. However, autism moms tend to have a heightened sense of awareness that works in everyone’s favor.

Unfortunately, they tend to place themselves at the end of the line when it comes to attention. Yes, I’m talking about you! We all have done it.

Tips for Autism Moms to Achieve Peace

Tip #1Set Boundaries: Moms of autistics lead pretty structured lives given the uncertainty of our days. We live in a technological era. The news is everywhere. It is hard to get away from it.

Sometimes, you must unplug. I keep my phone on all the time when I am not with my son in case his teachers or therapists need me. Like you, I can never completely unplug. But I can decide what I read and watch.

This might mean you need to take a break from the news. That is a trigger waiting to happen. Nothing good comes from the news usually.

It is good to be informed to some extent, but it can have a big impact on you with repeated exposure. This includes social media. Many get their news through social media. Also, it is not a realistic place. I think of it as wonderland, or the land of what others want you to see.

I can’t tell you how many people have told me they took a break from social media for a few days and the difference it made in their lives.

I use social media for marketing but can definitely minimize my use on a daily basis.

Here is a challenge for the week to come. Are you ready? Track how often and how long you are on social media for a 2–3-day period. You might be surprised by the results.

Tip #2 Be Mindful of Your Energy Source: Have you ever heard of garbage in garbage out? What you put into your body matters. Our food and drink options serve as an energy source for our bodies.

I had a meeting earlier today with a friend developing a business about gut hea

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Hi Moms! One of the many things we have in common are meltdowns. Even the mention of meltdowns likely elicits some physical or emotional response. I get it!

In this episode, we come together in solidarity to explore ways to navigate meltdowns to achieve success in our autism journey.

Find the full transcript for this episode at

https://thrivingmomsofautistics.com/77

Please share the podcast with other moms to help them grow in their autism journey. You can also do this by leaving a review on Apple Podcasts. I appreciate you!

Also, check out the Thriving Moms of Autistics YouTube Channel and hit subscribe!

Why is a mindset shift so important for moms when dealing with meltdowns?

When inevitable meltdowns occur, the world around us unravels and emotions take center stage. It gets chaotic and so much is going on.

Part of this is out of our control. So much so, it is difficult to manage what is within our control. But, it is possible!

Many times people confuse meltdowns with tantrums, but there is a big difference. Meltdowns are sensory driven.

When there is a sensory overload and children become frustrated and struggle with communication barriers, it’s like a boiling pot of water that gets away from you quickly.

Our reaction to that is key! When we react with frustration, their behavior exacerbates and worsens because they have little to no control over themselves at that moment.

But meltdowns as scary as they are, are actually opportunities for learning and growing. BUT, we must shift and see them as growth opportunities.

If we stay in a state of terror and anxiety over what our child is experiencing, we cannot help them and the meltdown is prolonged.

So, by shifting our mindset, we can not only navigate meltdowns more effectively but can also help our child thrive. Who is onboard with that!

Long Term Benefits for Autism Moms, Who Shift Their Mindset

There are long term benefits to shifting your mindset in the midst of a meltdown. Now, this is something that takes practice. It’s not just something you start doing consistently over night.

When we are calm and supportive, we teach our child healthy coping skills. Over time, this will carry over and be a tool in their own toolbox. Also, they feel loved and understood.

When they experience meltdowns, they experience shame and their self-esteem takes a hit. So, our reaction builds trust and strengthens our bond with them.

Tips for How Autism Moms Can Shift Their Mindset

• Move from Judgement to Understanding "What's causing this meltdown?" Is it sensory overload? A change in routine? We empathetically respond to our child when we understand.
• Move From "Fixing" to "Supporting." The child is overwhelmed, not broken. Autistic children do not need to be fixed. Create a safe space, rather than fixing the child.
• Meltdowns are temporary. Take a deep breath, and remind yourself this too shall pass. Notice how you feel when it seems like something is never ending.

A shift in mindset helps us stay calm and we become a safe haven for our child. They feel supported. And they develop much needed skills to navigate their emotions in the future.

You are not alone in your journey. I look forward to our time together next week!

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Hi Moms! Are you tired? Feeling like you are drowning? I get it! Are there things you can do to tackle this problem? Of course, there are! But it’s not that easy, right?

In this episode, we break down some of those barriers to getting your needs met and still take care of the needs of your child. That’s right! You can do both!

Find the full transcript for this episode at

https://thrivingmomsofautistics.com/76

Please share the podcast with other moms to help them grow in their autism journey. You can also do this by leaving a review on Apple Podcasts. I appreciate you!

Also, check out the Thriving Moms of Autistics YouTube Channel and hit subscribe!

Breaking Down the Barriers to Achieving Self-Care for Moms of Autistics

It’s not uncommon for autism moms to shoot for the moon trying to handle everything at once and more. Some tasks just have to be done.

Sometimes it feels like you keep going and going and going… much like the Energizer Bunny.

Is that really necessary? It feels like it is. Unfortunately, moms have a hard time slowing down to even consider breaking down these barriers and getting creative with our self-care.

So, why is that?

1. Who has the time? Moms are often afraid to slow down for fear they will drop the ball. They are busy managing appointments, meltdowns, making an additional meal for their child’s needs,etc.
2. Who has the energy? Running around all day, staying ahead of the game in preparation for the unexpected, and managing behaviors is exhausting!
3. Who has the money? Our finances and resources are often tied up in the high cost of raising an autistic child. There is little left for anything else.
4. Who has the support? Commonly, moms are isolated, have no-one to watch their child, or struggle with support in general.
5. Last, but not least… Guilt! We are not used to taking time for ourselves. The common belief is that if we take time to care for ourselves, we are neglecting our child.

How Moms Can Shift From Burnout to Bliss?

What do you have to lose by taking time for self-care? The real question is what will you lose if you don’t?

Self-care is that important!

Engaging in self-care is caring for your child. Not only will you reap the rewards, they will too. There are many benefits, but first let's break down the barriers.

Time- Everyone has the same amount of time in the day. We use our time differently.

Energy-When you care for yourself and are mindful of sleep and nutrition, it makes such a difference.

Support-Start building a community now. It takes time, so get started.

Guilt-When you shift your mindset and recognize that self-care is for you and your child, you better understand that it is not selfish.

Some benefits for engaging in self-care include:

1. Reduce Stress- our children are sponges and our stress and anxiety rubs off on them.
2. Improve Well-Being- When we are happier and optimistic, our child is too.
3. Increase Patience- This goes a long way when dealing with difficult behaviors, such as meltdowns. How we respond matters more than we know. It sends signals for how our child will respond next. It’s a chain reaction!
4. Improve Your Relationship with Your Child & Others- We are much more pleasant to be around.
5. Enhance Resilience
6. Improve Coping Skills

I work with moms 1:1 on developing an individualized plan for getting creative with self-care in my Thrive VIP Program.

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Hi Moms! Parenting is one of the most difficult jobs there is. All moms have similar challenges along the way, but raising an autistic involves another level of need that others don’t always understand.

When this happens, moms don’t feel supported and understood.

In this episode, I explore the common pressures moms experience that impact their own well-being and tips to set boundaries with others.

Find the full transcript for this episode at

https://thrivingmomsofautistics.com/75

Please share the podcast with other moms to help them grow in their autism journey. You can also do this by leaving a review on Apple Podcasts. I appreciate you!

Also, check out the Thriving Moms of Autistics YouTube Channel and hit subscribe!

How Did We Get to a Place Where Autism Moms Feel So Unsupported?

Early on, moms are trying to navigate the unique needs of an autistic child and how to best meet those needs.

This might be their first child or they might have only neurotypical children. If so, the journey is quite different.

Although I had been a family therapist for many years, I had little experience with babies and toddlers. I was an only child and didn’t have my son until I was 41.

I had a lot to learn about babies and toddlers. My parents had passed away, so I had to figure it out on my own.

Surprisingly, it came naturally to me. Unfortunately, I missed some of the common milestones that he should have been meeting. Some moms from my neurotypical mom group said it was no big deal.

When it came time to see an ENT, my peers could not believe they were concerned about autism and requesting an evaluation.

I have noticed that this is common and that others feel very uncomfortable with the idea of autism. So, they lean into their denial.

It doesn’t have to be that way. I talk about this often. Autism is not a dirty word. There is nothing to be ashamed of.

Moms and their children should feel empowered on their journey. These misconceptions and refusal to understand are why so many feel less than, and THAT is a tragedy!

Common Struggles Moms of Autistics Experience

I just explored how moms often feel unheard and unsupported. Moms also struggle with feeling judged leading to isolation.

Parents often stay away from places that are not autism friendly, which is most places. The world has yet to catch up understanding autism.

This might be play groups, church, family member’s homes, and more. We have played musical chairs with churches. Family members from the other side of the family have been resistant to understanding our son’s needs.

Sadly, this is what families experience. I have a friend that noticed that she and her husband had a hard time attending church service because there was no one to watch their daughter.

She could not find a nearby church with a special needs ministry, so she started one herself. Now, they have a full time ministry.

Sometimes moms experience an invalidation of their experiences. This is all too common.

Unsolicited advice and inferring that a mom is doing something wrong when you don’t fully understand yourself, is not okay.

Most people are trying to help and understand. Advice is common in our society. We try to fix things. Attuning others by simply listening to them and validating their emotions goes a long way.

Constantly explaining yourself or fighting to advocate for your child is exhausting.

How Do Moms of Autistics Release Themselves From Taking on Other’s Misconceptions and Need to Help?

Here are practical 3 tips to

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Hi Moms! Are you feeling run down? Like you don’t have much more to give? We’ve all been there.

The good news is that you don’t have to stay there.

In this episode, I explore how to recognize when you are nearing that place where you get bogged down in that dark hole of chaos and exhaustion, and tips to move out of that very place.

Find the full transcript for this episode at

https://thrivingmomsofautistics.com/74

Please share the podcast with other moms to help them grow in their autism journey. You can also do this by leaving a review on Apple Podcasts. I appreciate you!

Also, check out the Thriving Moms of Autistics YouTube Channel and hit subscribe!

How Can Moms of Autistics Get Ahead of the Breaking Point?

Sometimes moms live in constant stress and don’t even realize they are about to crash and burn because it’s what they know.

With that said, it’s good to get out ahead of it. The best way to do that is to create awareness.

I often say that awareness is core to just about everything. It is key to identifying the problem so you can do something about it.

But awareness goes much deeper in this case. It is important to figure out what you need.

Oftentimes when we are stressed out, we know that the stress is impacting us but not necessarily to what extent. We feel it from head to toe and it feels so big.

How Autism Moms Can Breaking Down the Barriers to Getting Out of the Deep Fog of Stress

**It’s important to pay attention to what our body and mind are telling us. There are signals that we miss because we are so enmeshed in the challenges of raising our child. Stress impacts us all differently. However, there are 3 common ways we are affected.

1) Physical - Moms often report headaches, tense muscles, feeling drained due to a lack of sleep and energy.**

I can always tell when I am getting super stressed when the muscles in my neck and shoulders tighten up. It literally feels like the weight of the world is on my shoulders.

***What are your physical signs of ongoing stress?

2) Mind* - Moms often report feeling frustrated and anxious. It’s common to have a shorter fuse and feel overwhelmed more quickly.

3) Spirit - What brought you joy before becoming a mom? Do you feel disconnected from those things?**

Breaking Down Your Previous Experiences Prior to Motherhood

Here are some activities to explore what has been a good fit for you in the past. Consider the following:

1. When did you feel your best? What were you doing and who were you with?
2. Imagine your ideal “me time.” What was that like?
3. Consider your past self-care. What worked? What didn’t?

Tips for

Tip #1 - When you feel overwhelmed, that is a sign you need to develop a supportive community. It’s not easy to create, but I help moms with this in my Thrive VIP Program. Check out www.thrivingmomsofautistics.com

Tip#2 - Embrace your imperfections. I have always been a big perfectionist and it never ends well! This is where we get caught up in how we might not be enough or feel that we are failing. It is easy to get stuck in that thinking.

With that said, you ARE enough! You continue to grow and that is what matters. We ALL are constantly growing.

Don’t get swallowed in the dark hole of social media. That isn’t real. People struggle. They have ups and downs. Granted it is for different reasons, but it is the normal.

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Hi Moms! Imagine your favorite ride at an amusement park. It’s exciting but at times a little overwhelming and unpredictable. Raising an autistic child has a variety of experiences…much like an amusement park ride.

Sometimes you are riding high on the joys of motherhood and milestones you weren’t sure would happen. And other times you want to duck for cover for a moment to catch your breath.

It’s like raising any child, but the challenges are different for us.

In this episode, we explore how we can get stuck in our head feeling like it won’t get better in any given moment, and how we can rise above it when we learn to use our innate strengths to succeed.

Find the full transcript for this episode at

www.thrivingmomsofautistics.com/73

Please share the podcast with other moms to help them grow in their autism journey. You can also do this by leaving a review on Apple Podcasts. I appreciate you!

Also, check out the Thriving Moms of Autistics YouTube Channel and hit subscribe!

How Can Moms of Autistics Can Move Past Getting Stuck in Their Heads

Every mom is different. That is one reason there is no manual for parenting, right?

We all have those innate strengths that make us amazing moms, even when autism throws us curveballs. Those strengths will help us hit those balls out of the park. First, we must be aware of our innate strengths, which can be really challenging.

I have mentioned in previous episodes that this is not easy to do. That is why I help moms discover their inner magic in 1:1 coaching sessions in my Thrive VIP Program. Check that out at www.thrivingmomsofautistics.com and click on “Work with Christina.”

Let’s flip the script! Mom strengths can not only help navigate the ups and downs of raising an autistic child but also lead to personal growth and empowerment.

Benefits to using Mom Strengths to Navigate Your Autism Journey

Strengths are individualized. We have different levels of each strength. Some are stronger than others, but you can grow your lesser strengths.

Here are some examples of the benefits of using strengths in challenging times.

Moms with the strength of creativity can think ahead and plan for ways to overcome an obstacle. Their creativity is pretty handy.

Curious moms can build a connection with their child, which allows them to dive deeper to gain an understanding of their experiences. Who doesn’t want to feel heard or understood?

Moms with strong advocacy and leadership skills can help their child bridge the gap and achieve their goals, which is empowering and encouraging.

Nurture your strengths as an Autism Mom

You can nurture your strengths by engaging in self-care. Check out the many episodes on self-care on the home page at www.thrivingmomsofautistics.com and scroll to the bottom to the self-care and boundaries topic.

Every mom is unique. We might share strengths with other moms, but we experience and use them differently. What works for one family might not work for another. The key is to identify your strengths and find creative ways to use them on your autism journey.

You can leverage your innate strengths, which will have an impact on your journey as an autism mom.

Here is a practical tip that you can implement right away in your daily life. Remember, small changes can make a big difference.

In the next week, I want to cha

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Hi Moms! I have yet to meet an autism mom that hasn’t struggled with feeling isolated.

In this episode, we will dive deeper into the common challenges of finding others who get autism or those who are willing to learn and offer support. Our well-being takes a hit because we weren’t meant to tackle life’s challenges alone.

Find the full transcript for this episode at

www.thrivingmomsofautistics.com/72

Please share the podcast with other moms to help them grow in their autism journey. You can also do this by leaving a review on Apple Podcasts. I appreciate you!

How Social Connections Change the Trajectory of an Autism Mom’s Journey

The biggest barriers to achieving community are related to the unique challenges that moms of autistics face. It is hard for others to understand these experiences when they haven’t had them themselves.

We often hear…They’ll eat what you cook when they get hungry enough.” OR “Can’t you just spank the autism out of them?”

Many have misconceptions about autism and jump to conclusions as a result. That doesn’t mean they can’t change their minds.

Perhaps if they knew more about autism, their views might change. Knowledge is powerful and makes all the difference.

There are people that simply don’t have the information and are willing to learn more. We all develop a point of view based on our past experiences and the information we have at the time.

If someone is willing to learn and think critically about autism, that might be someone who can be part of positive change.

On the other hand, there are many families of autistics that are isolated because of their challenges and other misconceptions. You aren’t the only one.

Imagine if parents came together to bridge that gap? How amazing would that be?

I have heard many stories of how moms of autistics have worked hard to survive through the difficult times. Their grit is phenomenal! However, it’s not sustainable.

This is why creating a supportive community is so critical.

Where Do Autism Moms Find Community?

Well, it’s different for everybody. Some additional barriers to finding community are time and not having someone to watch your child.

So, how do you overcome these challenges? Building community takes time.

Although time is limited, you can take small steps to achieve this. Unfortunately, moms do not feel they can prioritize things like building a community or self-care.

But when they do, it changes their world for the better. And that’s because building a community is self-care.

Since building a community is different for each mom, I encourage you to write a list of barriers to building your support system.

Ask yourself, what do you have to lose by taking small steps to work on this?

Lastly, start a working list of people or groups that might be part of your supportive community. Keep this list and add to it as you go. Make notes along the way.

This is a great place to start!

To all the moms out there raising autistic children, remember that you're not alone. By seeking support, nurturing meaningful connections, and prioritizing self-care, you can overcome feelings of isolation and thrive on this journey.

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Hi Moms! I’m channeling the Golden Girls today. Picture it! Indiana 2024… Your son has a meltdown after finding out his favorite McDonalds is shut down for remodeling and he can’t get their chicken nuggets and fries. Yes, we all have the stories of meltdowns and disarray.

In this episode, I share how to deal with the fallout of unexpected meltdowns and not get stuck in your head.

Find the full transcript for this episode at

www.thrivingmomsofautistics.com/71

Please share the podcast with other moms to help them grow in their autism journey. You can also do this by leaving a review on Apple Podcasts. I appreciate you!

The Struggle is Real for Moms of Autistics

It is so easy to get stuck in your head. We all have been there. We think, “This isn’t going to get better” and even question if we are enough for our child.

Psychologist Carol Dweck studied the impact of getting stuck in your head and developed the concept of a fixed mindset. This is the false belief that intelligence and abilities cannot be changed and are set in stone.

Through her research, she developed the idea that our brains are constantly learning and growing. This is referred to as a growth mindset.

Our children desire structure, predictability, and a comfortable place to experience the world. They aren’t trying to be difficult. It looks like a fixed trait, but is it? Can it be a strength that evolves and grows?

We all want consistency, structure, and comfort in our lives, right?

Opportunities for Moms of Autistics to Grow Their Mindsets

Individuals can grow their mindsets! When we grow our mindset, we model this for our children. Yes, our children can experience growth as well.

1. Shift from Focusing on Outcomes to Focusing on Effort - For example, notice your efforts such as when you remained calm during a meltdown and helped your child transition successfully. Or when your child practiced their spelling words for 5 minutes without frustration rather than 3 minutes.
2. Embrace Challenges - View challenging through the learning lens. Ask how you can do things differently next time. Maybe create a social story for unexpected situations like having to choose another restaurant when their favorite one is closed.
3. Model Growth Mindset - Acknowledge when you had a misstep and that you are able to learn from it. That is so powerful for you and your child.

Meltdowns are going to happen. You will have off days, I promise! Shifting your mindset makes all the difference. Add this to your mom toolbox and build this tool over time.

Also, visual timers aren’t just for your child. When you are struggling, it’s okay to say, “Mommy needs a moment to process” and set the timer. This makes it real and acceptable. Your child will recognize that everyone needs help once in a while.

Check out my FREE 4 Step Guide to Tap into Your Strengths, Create a Supportive Community, and Thrive Through The Autism Journey. You can find it on the home page of www.thrivingmomsofautistics.com

I hope this helps!

Let’s meet up again next week!

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Hi Moms! Welcome to a space created for moms like you with children on the spectrum. It’s a place to feel understood and know you are not alone.

In this episode, I explore a topic that all moms know all too well at least on some level. It is a hard, yet very important topic. I am talking about lacking a supportive environment or community.

Find the full transcript for this episode at

www.thrivingmomsofautistics.com/70

Please share the podcast with other moms to help them grow in their autism journey. You can also do this by leaving a review on Apple Podcasts. I appreciate you!

When Moms of Autistics Don’t Have Others to Lean On

Having a network of like-minded individuals, who understand autism is like striking gold. There is so much power and strength in having such a community.

Unfortunately, many moms don’t have that. If they do, it is limited or underdeveloped.

Raising an autistic can be quite joyful, but there are times of great struggles. It is good to have others, who empathize rather than judge and support you through it. It’s a very lonely place to be at times.

I often hear stories of families, friends, providers, and even strangers in public that don’t understand raising an autistic child. There are so many misconceptions making it even more isolating.

People tend to assume that it is no different from raising a neurotypical child and that the same strategies work for autistics. That could not be further from the truth.

Some moms have found groups of moms raising neurotypical but find their misconceptions even more challenging and daunting. Their expectations are so different for themselves and others.

The looks and judgments are harmful even when unintended. It weighs heavily on moms and often leads to feelings of anxiety and depression. These stories are all too common.

Does this resonate with you?

The truth is that you are not alone. There are others like you. It’s just a matter of finding them. It’s not impossible to build a support system of individuals who understand autism.

I help moms create a supportive environment tailored to their needs so they can move towards thriving in their autism journey. For more information, go to the homepage of https://thrivingmomsofautistics.com/work-with-christina/ and click on “work with Christina.”

How Can Moms of Autistics Make a Shift Out of Isolation in the Meantime?

Building a solid support system takes time. Here are a couple ways to jumpstart your community.

1. Online Communities - Be cautious because not all online groups are created equal. Find one that suits your needs. There will always be one or two individuals that are difficult, but if you find a group with strong administrators, you will be supported. This is a great way to find others with similar experiences. This is a first step and does not replace in-person connections. It is a great resource and helps you see that there are others like you.
2. Providers and Other Professionals - All families have a team of professionals helping them. Be mindful of your choice of providers. If your child’s doctor doesn’t understand autism, they are not for you. Sometimes there are barriers that are difficult to get around but do your best. It might take time to find other options.

The road is not easy, but you have the strength and resilience to navigate through it. Continue to celebrate small wins along the way. And you are not alone and have options.

I hope this helps!

Let’s meet up again next week!

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Hi Moms! Raise your hand if you have ever experienced your child having a meltdown? Don’t be shy! It happens to all of us whether we are in the car, at home, at the store… It happens! It’s just a part of it.

Have there been times when you thought, “I could have handled that better!” Of course! You are not alone. No worries because there will be many more meltdowns in the future for you to practice.

We all wish we had a magic wand to take care of meltdowns with a quick woosh, right? In this episode, I explore the one mom tool in your mom toolbox to make that happen. It’s in your toolbox. You might not realize it.

Find the full transcript for this episode at www.thrivingmomsofautistics.com/69

Please share the podcast with other moms to help them grow in their autism journey. You can also do this by leaving a review on Apple Podcasts. I appreciate you!

Can Moms of Autistics Really Impact the Outcome of a Meltdown?

It can feel like you have zero control when a meltdown occurs. Moms often feel helpless, especially when it comes suddenly.

All of us have faced these meltdowns and watched our child’s strength and resilience in the process. It’s pretty exhausting for them as well.

Moms possess strength and resilience as well. All humans have strengths. They just vary from person to person. Most often moms are not aware of their strengths.

We do our best to anticipate our child’s triggers. Every child’s trigger is different. Sometimes, you don’t see the meltdown coming at all.

Moms of autistics are quick on their feet and adapt to ever changing situations. But we’re not perfect. However, we all have secret weapons to deal with the inevitable meltdown.

It’s our innate strengths. Strengths help you through the chaos and minimize the impact on your child and sometimes even the length of the meltdown.

What is Your Special Tool in Your Autism Mom Toolbox?

First, it’s important to remember that sensory overload isn’t on purpose. It may seem that way to spectators, but no one wakes up and says, “Oh, I think I will melt down today!”

Meltdowns are not the same as tantrums. It’s a result of sensory overload and our child’s way of saying, “I am overwhelmed and need help.”

I’ve had to learn to stay as calm as possible and take a breath. It’s hard to do when those around you are judging in their minds and sometimes out loud.

I have had to teach myself to leave the world around me behind. It does not matter what others are thinking. My son is my primary focus. That is not easy to do all the time.

This is shifting your focus and takes practice. Then you can reach into your mom toolbox and get your innate strength out that works best for this situation.

I often use my personal strengths in creativity and perseverance to get through these situations. It drives people crazy, but I am not one to give up. I see it through until the end and find creative ways to adjust and improve the situation.

My strength of perspective is helpful as well. I tend to analyze all areas of a situation to come up with the best next step.

As moms of autistic children, we've developed incredible strengths, often without even realizing it. We're resourceful, patient, and incredibly adaptable.

We've become experts at reading our children's nonverbal cues and anticipating their needs. These are all invaluable assets in navigating meltdowns.

In my 4-month Thrive VIP program, I work individually with moms to identify their personal strengths to get through the many challenges of raising an autistic and ways to grow their strengths. To learn more go to www.thrivingmomsofautistics.com and click Work with Christina.

You can also go to

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Hi Moms! As moms of autistics, we pour so much into our child and sometimes forget about our own well-being. It’s important to prioritize ourselves too.

Especially because our child is a sponge. Well-being is not a luxury. It is a necessity!

In this episode, we explore why setting boundaries effectively can give you a wellness boost.

Find the full transcript for this episode at www.thrivingmomsofautistics.com/68

Please share the podcast with other moms to help them grow in their autism journey. You can also do this by leaving a review on Apple Podcasts. I appreciate you!

How Do Autism Moms Set Boundaries Effectively?

Moms are surrounded by a variety of people, such as family, friends, therapists, teachers, and more.

All with varying opinions that often differ from ours.

When we set boundaries, sometimes people push back, which can lead to guilt or fear of judgment.

Assertiveness is often confused with aggression. Moms might be accused of being mean or aggressive when they set boundaries.

However, setting boundaries is associated with assertiveness or standing up for your own needs and the needs of your child.

It’s associated with mutual respect and diplomacy. Assertive moms have higher awareness of their own rights and the rights of others.

They are willing to listen and work with others to resolve issues while setting firm boundaries.

By doing so, they create the space needed to thrive and be their best version of themselves for their child and everyone else they love.

Prioritizing Well-Beings for Moms of Autistics

Supporting your autistic child can be stressful. That weighs on you and impacts your emotional and physical health.

Moms constantly juggle demands and feel disconnected when others misunderstand their parenting decisions.

Moms of autistics face judgment, discrimination, and pressures to conform to societal norms. When this occurs, your well-being take a beating.

In my 4-month VIP program, I work individually with moms to get creative with self-care and set firm boundaries to thrive and not just survive. To learn more go to www.thrivingmomsofautistics.com and click Work with Christina.

You can also go to the home page, scroll down to the bottom and click self-care and boundaries to find past episodes in this area.

I have created a safe space for moms to get together for virtual coffee chats on the first Wednesday of every month. To learn more, check out the Thriving Moms of Autistics on social media platforms, such as Facebook, Instagram, X, Pinterest, LinkedIn, and YouTube.

You are capable! You are worthy! You deserve to set healthy boundaries for your well-being. There is so much anxiety about meeting your child’s needs in addition to the loss you experience related to missed milestones and concerns about the future.

You have a lot on your plate. Be good to yourself, and the benefits will overflow to your child.

I hope this helps!

Let’s meet up again next week!

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Hi Moms! Moms of autistics are no stranger to challenges. We face a variety of situations that range from difficult hills to overwhelming mountains.

In this episode, I explore how perception impacts an autism mom’s ability to move mountains.

So, buckle up moms as we break down barriers to keeping us from thriving in our autism journeys.

Find the full transcript for this episode at www.thrivingmomsofautistics.com/67

Please share the podcast with other moms to help them grow in their autism journey. You can also do this by leaving a review on Apple Podcasts. I appreciate you!

Challenges for Moms of Autistics That Become Mountains

Moms of autistics are faced with unique daily challenges when raising their young autistics. Sometimes it feels like the deck is stacked against you.

It’s enough to break your spirit and test your limits.

It’s easy to get bogged down by the multiple barriers. It feels frustrating because you just want to help your child through their struggles, deal with others’ ideas of how you should parent your child, or deal with feeling like you aren’t enough to battle this latest challenge.

How Can Autism Moms Tackle These Challenges and Feel More Confident?

Challenges are part of parenting any child. There is power in the way one views these challenges.

Challenges are opportunities! They are uncomfortable but viewing them as opportunities to learn and grow changes everything.

When we see difficulties as problems we cannot possibly overcome or are too big to solve, we get stuck. We do ourselves such a disservice when we adopt a fixed mindset.

Let me be clear, all of us have been broken down to the point we fix our minds and believe it can’t get better or it won’t change.

The human condition allows us to fear the unknown or feel discouraged. The key is to catch ourselves doing this!

I help moms in my 4-month VIP program use their innate strengths to grow their mindsets and crush inevitable mountains. For more, go to www.thrivingmomsofautistics.com and click work with Christina.

3 Benefits of Shifting Your Perspective as an Autism Mom

1) Ease your mind by changing your outlook. Moms of autistics deal with mind clutter often. They have a lot of balls in the air. If there is a way to ease their path, it’s like finding gold. And that gold exists!

2) Feel Empowered by adopting a growth mindset. Embracing the discomfort of the situation and opening your mind allows you to become a catalyst for change and experience unexpected breakthroughs.

3) Develop resilience in the face of adversity, which allows you to bounce back from setbacks and forge ahead to take care of your and your child’s needs.

Be sure to check out my weekly Minute Mom Hacks: Autism Tips on the Go on the Thriving Moms of Autistics social media platforms and YouTube Channel.

Find strength and inspiration by connecting with other moms once a month for an hour virtual coffee chat hosted by Thriving Moms of Autistics. Information can be found on our social media sites and YouTube.

I hope this helps!

Let’s meet up again next week!

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Hi Moms! Today’s topic might feel a little uncomfortable because it is something we often feel is unobtainable. Yet, it is something we cannot be without for too long. It’s also something that moms of autistics might feel selfish about engaging in.

In this episode, I explore self-care for moms of autistics. It’s not selfish. It’s essential for well-being, which leads to calmer, happier, and more patient moms.

So, lets fill up your mom toolboxes with some creative self-care tips.

Find the full transcript for this episode at www.thrivingmomsofautistics.com/66

Please share the podcast with other moms to help them grow in their autism journey. You can also do this by leaving a review on Apple Podcasts. I appreciate you!

Redefining Self-Care for Moms of Autistics

The struggle is real. Part of that is because people often lump self-care into vacations, long bubble baths, and more.

However, busy autism moms can find moments of joy to recharge their batteries and be their best.

Self-care isn't necessarily about disappearing for a spa weekend or a week of vacation. It's about small, intentional acts that nourish your mind, body, and soul.

For moms of autistics, the little things aren’t so little, right? We find joy in its simplest form and experience it more deeply. Many people miss the boat in this area. Not autism moms!

This is such a beautiful thing. I wish others were more open to this concept.

All it takes is 5 or 10 minutes. Even 15 minutes if you can swing it.

What is therapeutic for one mom might not be as therapeutic for another. Does coloring calm you down? Blast your favorite music and have a dance party in the kitchen!

Does nature recharge you? Take a walk with your child and point out the birds singing. My son is an eloper, so I had to get creative with this. He does much better now that he is older. Also, he likes safety rules.

Self-care isn't one-size-fits-all. Experiment and find what sparks joy for you!

How Can Moms of Autistics Get Creative with Self-Care Ideas

Here are some ideas from other moms of autistics. You might create a sensory jar or fill it up with random enjoyable ideas to choose from.

Consider writing in a journal to get your feelings on paper just for yourself. Sometimes, it is cathartic to get it out rather than holding onto it. You can always dispose of it when you’re done.

You might consider a gratitude journal too. Journaling is not for everyone. You might create a microblog about your experiences.

Another possibility is to tap into your child’s interests. Play can be just as therapeutic for adults as it is for children. Unfortunately, my son doesn’t like for others to help him build his city, Kyleville. He is very focused and doesn’t want to be distracted.

However, I like to tap into his crafty side. He loves doing crafts with mom. You might try something sensory driven, such as finger painting. You can build forts or have a silly dance-a-thon with their favorite music.

It might be something as simple as setting a timer and listening to your favorite music while your child is taking a nap.

Self-guilt is a Real Thing for Moms of Autistics

Mom guilt is hard. Am I doing enough? Does my child need more? I know. I am with you, and this is very common.

Always remember that your self-care is related to your child. Think of the oxygen mask on a plane scenario. Find someone who gets it. If you do not have someone right now, please check out my supportive community related episodes at the bottom of the homepage of www.thrivingmomsofautistics.com.

I recently created a space for moms of autistics to come together for an hour to explore and learn. You can find more information on the Thr

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Hi Moms! Ready for your weekly dose of strength, support, and sunshine as you navigate your autism journey?

In this episode, I explore a huge game changer in all areas of life, especially your autism journey. It’s the superpower of growth mindset.

Find the full transcript for this episode at www.thrivingmomsofautistics.com/65

Please share the podcast with other moms to help them grow in their autism journey. You can also do this by leaving a review on Apple Podcasts. I appreciate you!

How Moms of Autistics View Challenges Makes a Difference.

Imagine the last big meltdown or serious hurdle with your child. As you climb that mountain, you tell yourself, “This is too much! I can’t do this.”

Perhaps you think you’re not cut out to be a good mom or that you’re not made for this. That’s the voice of a fixed mindset.

Fixed insinuates that you’re stuck or unable to move forward. It means that it can’t get better. It is what it is, right? It also means that people can’t change.

According to the research, mindset plays a significant role in life’s outcomes and impacts well-being. A growth mindset means that skills and abilities can grow with effort and perseverance. One might consider setbacks as learning experiences or steps for growth.

Our children are good at defying the odds. They tackle what seems so impossible and do things others said they never would. We could learn from them.

How Can Moms Embrace a Growth Mindset?

So, how do we embrace this growth mindset magic? Growth mindset doesn’t happen overnight. It takes practice. Here are three power moves:

1. Control the narrative

In the midst of a meltdown, you might shift your thinking from, He’s being so difficult” to “He’s feeling so overwhelmed right now. How can I help him through this.” Move from blaming to understanding and growing.

1. It is more than the outcome. Celebrate effort!

My son struggles with his handwriting. He hates working on it and gets frustrated easily. He often has to revise his work. I take notice with even small improvements. Noticing is encouraging. This gives him the burst he needs to persist.

1. You are a role model for your child. Lead by example!

Talk about learning new things, overcoming obstacles, and embracing mistakes as learning opportunities. My son often says, “I can do hard things.” He is right!

A growth mindset isn't about being perfect or achieving instant results. It's about choosing hope over doubt, effort over resignation, and learning over giving up.

With each challenge, each setback, each meltdown-turned-triumph, we grow stronger, more resilient, and closer to that thriving mama we all deserve to be.

So go forth and unleash your inner growth warrior! The journey, with all its twists and turns, is where the magic happens.

Start a journal. Keep track of your growth mindset wins! Encourage yourself by noticing small changes and celebrating them.

Be inspired to keep growing and thriving!

And don't forget to subscribe to the Thriving Moms of Autistics YouTube Channel or your favorite podcast app for more weekly doses of sunshine on your autism journey!

Let’s meet again next week!

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Hi Moms!Everyday is a good day to celebrate and empower moms of autistics. The best way to achieve this is through community.

In this episode, I dive into the heart of community, why it’s important, and why moms tend to shy away from it.

Find the full transcript for this episode at www.thrivingmomsofautistics.com/64

Please share the podcast with other moms to help them grow in their autism journey. You can also do this by leaving a review on Apple Podcasts. I appreciate you!

What Are Many Moms of Autistics Missing?

Close your eyes and take a deep breath. What is the first thing that comes to mind when you consider the one thing you need most? Now ask yourself, why don’t you have it? The answer is likely that it isn’t something you can get on your own.

Think about what it might be like to have others cheering you on rather than judging or to have someone who remembers dealing with the very struggle that you are dealing with right now. Someone who gets it!

Someone who celebrates your child’s milestones with you. A network of other moms, who are there when you fall and love you through it.

Sound impossible? It’s not!

The Missing Gem Autism Moms Need
It might feel like trying to climb Mount Everest in flipflops doing it on your own. Why would you do that? No one enjoys feeling isolated, not fitting in, or having to explain autism repeatedly.

Benefits to having a supportive community:

1. Shared Understanding is essential. I always say autism moms are educators. It’s just part of it. Most often others aren’t being mean, they just don’t have experience with autism. They can’t help that.

It’s nice to just be your authentic self and not have to give a dissertation to help others understand all the time. I get it. It’s nice to be validated after a meltdown rather than being looked out like you have three heads.

1. Resources and Support- It’s one thing to research and dig around for what you’re looking for. But to have others at your fingertips, who have tested out that sensory toy, used the speech therapist, or found that new miracle gadget? Real-life tips from someone who's been there? Sign me up!
2. Recharging Your Batteries- People see us as superhuman, but we’re not. Supportive communities bring respite, laughter, and connection. Sharing a potluck or coffee with moms who understand what you’re going through is the best therapy.
3. Advocating Together: Moms of autistics stand together! Together, we have a voice and an advocacy platform. It truly does take a village.

What Keeps Autism Moms from Seeking Community?
Most women aren’t interested in going back to high school. Moms of autistics have full plates and zero time for drama.

I have been in mom groups that were incredibly cliquey. They made the start of my autism journey unnecessarily difficult because they knew very little about autism.

Autism moms need to be around others who get that we can’t drop everything to be with them or meet up. Others might not understand that we live our lives differently and have a system to adhere to.

You deserve a community that sees you, supports you, and celebrates your victories (big and small).

You are not alone! We're all navigating this journey together, and a supportive community can make the road smoother, lighter, and maybe even a little bit more joyful.

Be on the look out for the free mom virtual coffee chat I am hosting the first Wednesday of the month from 11am-12pm EST starting on February 7th. We’re talking muffins and meltdowns! So, mark your calendars!

In the meantime, let’s meet again next week.

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Hi Moms!Every mom has a superpower! Actually, they have more than one. Do you know yours? Once you identify your superpower strengths and grow them, you are unstoppable.

In this episode, I dive deeper into the strength of perseverance and how it can be used to thrive in your autism journey.

Find the full transcript for this episode at www.thrivingmomsofautistics.com/63

Please share the podcast with other moms to help them grow in their autism journey. You can also do this by leaving a review on Apple Podcasts. I appreciate you!

Bracing for Challenges as Moms of Autistics

Everyday holds challenges from sensory overload to appointment after appointment to endless advocacy, we rise above it all. Our love for our child fuels our perseverance.

When my son was 2, he wasn’t speaking. We took him to an ENT, who offered to put tubes in his ears but also shared concerns that there might be more going on.

Soon after he was diagnosed with autism and apraxia of speech. When I was in the hospital waiting for his birth, I recall imagining what it would be like to have conversations with him. I wondered what his personality would be like.

It was hard hearing that I might never hear his voice. In fact, it took a few more years for him to start talking. It was a very long wait. Some children remain non-verbal.

Throughout the first 5 years, we experienced many challenges associated with his speech. He started out with a home therapist for a couple of years and transitioned to a speech therapist at his ABA.

When someone tells me I can’t do something, I often respond with a “watch me!” My son is no different. I knew if he remained non-verbal, it would be okay. We would find alternatives for communication.

It took hours of therapy. We implemented a communication device to assist him. It took longer for him to talk because of the apraxia, but he eventually achieved his goal.

My goal was to support him in the process, cheer him on along the way, and welcome any changes made possible. We knew it would be hard, would take time, but kept chugging along.

Sound familiar? I would love to hear your stories of perseverance in your autism journey. Feel free to share on any Thriving Moms of Autistics social media platform. I love to celebrate my fellow moms!

On Wednesday, February 7th from 11am-12pm EST, I will host a free virtual coffee chat for moms of autistics. The theme for this month is Muffins and Meltdowns. You can find the zoom link to join on our social media page or in the transcript for this episode. It is a great opportunity for moms to share their meltdown challenges and what works for them. It is all about supporting one another.

https://us06web.zoom.us/j/88401059914?pwd=JX8RLUow9rtGUVtBU0glCkUblsyaB6.1

How Autism Moms Can Recharge Their Perseverance Engines

There are pitstops along the way in our journey. So, how do you fill up your tank?

All moms are different and have different strengths. Perseverance might not be one of your higher-level strengths. It is important to identify your strengths.

I help moms identify their strengths and strategize ways to best use them in my 4-month VIP program. Check it out at www.thrivingmomsofautistics.com under “Work with Christina” to learn more.

Persevering and overcoming challenges can be hard. I’m going to share one of my mom hacks for achieving this and filling up your empty tank.

It’s all about perception. It won’t

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Hi Moms!Moms of autistics deal with challenges more consistently given their child’s needs. There are ups and downs in the journey requiring moms to shift focus quickly when needed.

The holidays are especially stressful. What stressors have you been confronted with in the last week or two?

Stop and imagine what it might look like to experience a less bumpy journey. What would it look like to feel confident and thrive in your autism journey as a mom?

In this episode, I focus on shifting from feeling weighed down and stressed to growth and feeling empowered.

Find the full transcript for this episode at www.thrivingmomsofautistics.com/62

Please share the podcast with other moms to help them grow in their autism journey. You can also do this by leaving a review on Apple Podcasts. I appreciate you!

Can Using Strengths Create Resilience and Transformation in Moms of Autistics?

You are on a lifelong journey as a mom. There are seasons that occur along the way. You can remain stagnant or grow in your journey.

When I talk about strengths, I am referring to something innate in each mom. Sometimes moms are not aware of the strengths they possess.

They likely have some underdeveloped strengths. Once moms build their strengths, they are in a good place to thrive in their autism journey and hit challenges out of the park.

Moms of autistics have a reservoir of inner strengths that fuels their unwavering devotion to the child. The key is to identify and build on those strengths. This is a challenge for all human beings, but I can help!

What do strengths look like in moms of autistics?

Some moms are observant and pay close attention to detail. We can scan a room for potential danger like no one’s business. Possible strengths in this area include judgment or prudence.

Commonly, things occur daily to break an autism mom’s focus. But when she is focused, she is unstoppable. She can switch gears easily and refocus on the current need at hand.

This mom’s strength is perseverance. She can regroup in the midst of challenges and press on.

Moms of autistics are often strong advocates for their children. This entails the strength of bravery and fairness.

The Power of Strengths in Moms of Autistics

We all have strengths, but we can’t use them until we are aware of them. Then we can strengthen them and bring things to a whole new level, which changes the game.

There are so many benefits for identifying and using your strengths. One of the biggest is the impact it has on your well-being, which influences your child’s well-being. How amazing is that!

I work with moms in my 4-month VIP program to help them identify their strengths and grow them. It is amazing to watch moms be at their best and thrive in their autism journey.

I can do that for you too. Check out http://thrivingmomsofautistics.comand click on Work with Christina to learn more.

Let’s shine our light brightly as we use our innate strengths to thrive. Wishing you a blessed year to come.

Lets meet up next week!

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Hi Moms!Happy New Year! There were many joys and challenges in 2023. There will always be ups and downs raising an autistic. There will always be ups and downs for any human being.

We celebrate things that most people take for granted. We have experiences and challenges that others do not always understand.

My new year’s resolution is the same every year. It is to grow and be my best. I haven’t always had that mindset. My mindset was much more fixed when I was younger.

I know what it’s like to be on both sides of the coin, which is pretty common for most human beings. We learn and grow as we get older. That is why I am committed to helping other moms grow.

In this episode, I share the most powerful tool to help you thrive in your autism journey and manage the challenges you will inevitably face in the new year.

Find the full transcript for this episode at www.thrivingmomsofautistics.com/61

Please share the podcast with other moms to help them grow in their autism journey. You can also do this by leaving a review on Apple Podcasts. I appreciate you!

The Benefits of Growing Your Mindset as a Mom of an Autistic

I have explored mindset in previous episodes. You can catch past episodes on this topic by going to Thriving Moms of Autistics, scrolling down the bottom of the home page, and clicking on Growth Mindset under topics or clicking on the link in the transcript.

To recap, an example of a fixed mindset is “I can’t do this.” Whereas a growth mindset example is “This is hard, but I can learn.”

Autistics often struggle with perfectionism and OCD, which creates a fixed mindset. One of the greatest gifts you can give your child is to model a growth mindset.

We learn by example and repeated exposure. We help our children succeed when we encourage them to focus on effort and progress rather than perfectionism.

Another benefit is that your mindset creates an experience of grace and hope. When we choose a growth mindset, the hard stuff gets a little lighter.

The challenges are still challenges, but what changes is how we view the challenge and deal with it.

Our load doesn’t feel so heavy. We give ourselves some grace and have hope for what is to come.

Christmas is a magical time. As moms, we work hard to make it joyful and fun for the ones we love. It is satisfying to see the fruitful outcomes of your hard work.

Our son had an unusual holiday. He was hyper focused on something he wanted that was no longer made. He had a really hard time moving on from that. A social story helped but things fell apart Christmas morning.

It was disappointing. I had to take a step back and remind myself that he needed time to process it more fully. I knew that once he did, he would be more logical and calmer.

He is still little and learning. I knew that I needed to model calmness and ideas to help him grow in the experience.

In these times, we benefit from not getting lost in our own emotions and changing our mindset. Sure enough, he processed in his time and grew from the experience.

Ways Moms Can Nurture and Grow Mindset in Themselves and Their Autistic

Here are some practical tips to establish this in your own life:

1) Be intentional rather than leading with emotion- This takes practice and awareness. Be aware when your emotions are rising and take action to support growth rather than getting fixated on the negative.

Model this for your child and help them work through issues as well. Ask them, Is this a big problem or a little problem. Define that for them.

Guide them in solving the issue and moving forward even when the outcome isn’t what they had planned.

2)

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Hi Moms!The holidays have come and gone, but the dust has yet to settle. Autistic children often take a little more time to get back into the swing of things.

There are the challenges of sensory overload, schedule changes, and family gatherings.

You might feel like your cup is empty and you have no more to give right about now. It’s time to fill that cup back up!

In this episode, I explore ways to reset and recharge your batteries. There is a New Year around the corner after all! And the best is yet to come.

Find the full transcript for this episode at www.thrivingmomsofautistics.com/60

Please share the podcast with other moms to help them grow in their autism journey. You can also do this by leaving a review on Apple Podcasts. I appreciate you!

The Autism Moms Post Holiday Slump

Are you lacking that holiday glow right now? The joy of giving and receiving often brings increased endorphins until you have to switch gears and help with the sensory overload and meltdowns.

It’s enough to give you whiplash. It can feel like you are up, down, and all around or in fight or flight mode. It is never boring and keeps you on your toes.

It is hard to wind down from that. Your cortisol is all over the place!

You might be feeling overwhelmed, exhausted, or feeling some guilt. Your schedule and your child’s schedule are out of whack. Your self-care practices are no where to be found.

How Moms of Autistics Can Transition and Recharge After the Aftermath of the Holiday Season

It’s time to make your well-being a priority again! I have some mom hacks for busy moms to make that happen!

1. Offer a Confident “No” - No one can do it all. It is okay to say no. You can do so kindly and firmly. Consider delegating tasks or not going to that additional get together.
2. Get Moving - take a moment to stretch your body by starting with your head and ending with your toes. It will help relax those muscles.

If possible, walk around the block to get some fresh air, have a dance off with the kids while you’re putting the dishes away, or do 10-15 minutes of yoga.

1. Bring Your Body Back to Homeostasis – Do a mini meditation using a calming app or simply breathing in for 4, hold for 4, out for 5, hold again for 4, and repeat. This is the 4x4x5x4 method.
2. Create a Sensory Sanctuary – You can do this by dimming the lights, putting on a soft sweater or PJ’s, using essential oils, or putting on some soothing music.
3. Connect with Others Who Get Autism – This can be as simple as texting someone or grabbing a virtual coffee with an online support group.

Or you can listen to your favorite podcast. Hope is powerful! My goal is to offer you some hope in your journey and ways to lighten your load.

I am so excited for the New Year and believe that 2024 is going to be great! It won’t be without ups and downs, but if you’re willing, you will experience amazing changes for the better.

I am going to leave it here because it’s time for me to light a candle, put on some soothing music, and do some yoga while my son is in bed. You have to get it in when you can!

Looking forward to our time together next week!

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Hi Moms!Moms of autistics deal with challenges more consistently given their child’s needs. There are ups and downs in the journey.

The holidays are especially stressful. What stressors have you been confronted with in the last week or two?

Stop and imagine what it might look like to experience a less bumpy journey. What would it look like to feel confident and thrive in your autism journey as a mom?

In this episode, I focus on shifting from feeling weighed down and stressed to growth and feeling empowered. I offer examples of how to make the much-needed shift to a growth mindset.

Find the full transcript for this episode at www.thrivingmomsofautistics.com/59

Please share the podcast with other moms to help them grow in their autism journey. You can also do this by leaving a review on Apple Podcasts. I appreciate you!

Can Shifting Mindset Create Resilience and Transformation in Moms of Autistics?

You are on a lifelong journey as a mom. There are seasons that occur along the way. You can remain stagnant or grow in your journey.

Mindset is an incredible tool that can get you stuck or help you navigate the joys and challenges of raising an autistic.

Positive shifts in one’s perspective can lead to greater acceptance, reduced stress, and an improved relationship with your child.

It might seem impossible at times, especially if you have held a fixed mindset over the years that has yielded negativity in your journey.

But it is possible for everyone to shift from a fixed to a growth mindset. It takes some time and practice. It might take longer from some, but they can get there.

How to Challenge Negative Thoughts, Cultivate Gratitude, and Embrace Self-Compassion as an Autism Mom

First, let’s practice!

Jessica is a mom of a young autistic and tends to have a fixed mindset. She works so hard to be patient and support her young son during his behaviors in public or in other people’s homes.

Jessica feels like she has successfully dealt well with a couple of issues in the car on the way to her family’s home to celebrate the holidays.

She feels good about this as things are going well in the first half hour of the visit but has a rush of anxiety when her child experiences a meltdown when the family member forgets to add chicken nuggets to the menu and is struggling with the holiday food items.

In Jessica’s mind:

I am a failure for not bringing the nuggets myself even though it was a three-hour trip and every place is closed.

I’ve let my son down and my family. I am not enough!

Why did we bother to leave the house. I knew I would drop the ball.

Jessica’s mindset focuses on what has gone wrong. She is paralyzed by her anxiety, which keeps her from moving forward and experiencing grace and problem solving the issue.

As a result:

There is a missed opportunity for learning for all involved. When issues arise, moms can offer some education as to why the child struggles with feeding issues driven by sensory needs.

She fails to notice the family members that are trying to support and understand.

She fails to see this as something that happens with many moms and that she is not superhuman. This is a learning opportunity for her too and an opportunity to plan differently next time.

Her anxiety fuels her self-doubt that she can do better in the future and is doomed to continue to fail.

What Autism Moms Can Do to Shift their Mindset and Grow?

With a growth mindset, Jessica could approach the situation differently:

"I'm proud of how hard I worked and what I learned in the process. He had a great beginning to the visit."

"Sharing his needs and why he respond

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Hi Moms!One of the biggest challenges moms of autistics encounter is the perceptions of others.

When I was trained 30 years ago, autism was understood and treated quite differently.

There's no denying that research has made significant strides in understanding and diagnosing autism.

We know more about its prevalence and have developed better tools for identification. However, this knowledge hasn't always translated to public understanding.

And that’s okay! None of us knows everything, right?

The gap between research and public understanding is a major barrier for families with autistic children.

Misconceptions and stereotypes persist, leading to judgment, social isolation, and difficulty accessing necessary support.

Even in everyday situations like grocery shopping or school settings, moms of autistic children encounter these misunderstandings.

It's not uncommon to face judgmental stares, unsolicited advice, or even outright discrimination.

In this episode, I focus on empowering moms of autistic children with practical tips for setting clear and effective boundaries with others.

Find the full transcript for this episode at www.thrivingmomsofautistics.com/58

Please share the podcast with other moms to help them grow in their autism journey. You can also do this by leaving a review on Apple Podcasts. I appreciate you!

If you go to my website and scroll down the home page, you will see “topics” on the lower left side at the bottom. Click on “Self-Care.”

Why Boundaries Are Essential for Moms of Autistics

Setting boundaries with others is tricky but crucial. Whether it's family, friends, or even strangers, saying "no" and protecting your child's needs can be challenging.

But fear not, fellow mamas, I’m here to equip you with the tools and strategies you need to navigate these situations with confidence.

As moms of young autistic children, we face unique challenges. Our children may have sensory processing difficulties, communication differences, and social anxieties.

This can lead to situations where other adults, even well-meaning ones, might not understand or respect our child's needs.

Boundaries are essential for creating a safe and supportive environment for you and your child. Setting boundaries is a form of self-care. When you set boundaries with other adults, you:

• Reduce stress and anxiety
• Promote self-regulation and self-awareness
• Build trust and respect between you and your child
• Teach your child about their rights and how to advocate for themselves

When to Set Boundaries, You Support You and Your Child

Consider some of these common scenarios:

1. Unwanted physical contact: Imagine a well-meaning relative wanting to hug your child tightly, even though you know they prefer gentle touches. How do you politely say no?

2. Sensory overload: You're at a birthday party with loud music and flashing lights. Your child starts showing signs of sensory overload. How do you create a calm space for them without offending the host?

3. Overstimulating interactions: A friend's child is constantly touching and talking to your child, who becomes overwhelmed and withdrawn. How do you kindly redirect the interaction without causing hurt feelings?

4. Unrealistic expectations: A medical provider pressures your child to "be more social" or "act like other kids." They demand that they focus, stop that, or make eye-contact. How do you advocate for your child's needs and communicate their individual differences?

In each of these situations, there are ways to set clear and respectful boundaries while sti

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Hi Moms!Raising a child with autism can be an incredibly challenging yet rewarding experience. For many moms, the journey can feel isolating and overwhelming.

That's why having a strong support system is crucial. A supportive community can provide the emotional support, practical advice, and resources needed to thrive as a mom of an autistic child.

In this episode, I offer tips to help you create a network to support you in thriving as a mom of an autistic.

Find the full transcript for this episode at www.thrivingmomsofautistics.com/57

Please share the podcast with other moms to help them grow in their autism journey. You can also do this by leaving a review on Apple Podcasts. I appreciate you!

If you go to my website and scroll down the home page, you will see “topics” on the lower left side at the bottom.

If you click on Create Community, you will have access to all my episodes on this topic. Or you can click on Create Community in the transcript for this episode.

Can Moms of Autistics Do It All on Their Own?

I have a confession. I am hardheaded. I know, right? I suspect many of you listening are too. It is a part of our charm as autism moms.

If I just do it myself, I don’t have to keep explaining to others the ins and outs of autism. I can do it much more quickly. So what if it wears me down in the process. It will get done somehow.

What if you didn’t have to do it all yourself? You don’t! In fact, one day you will find that it simply isn’t possible. That is your WHY!

There are many benefits to having a supportive community around you. We were not meant to do life alone. We live our best lives when others are involved. That is when the right people are involved. Not everyone is right for you and your family needs.

Having a supportive community is more than professionals who get autism. It includes emotional support.

A supportive community provides a safe space to share experiences, ask questions, and feel validated. It can offer a sense of belonging and understanding, reducing feelings of isolation and loneliness.

That's why having a strong support system is so crucial. A supportive community can provide you with the emotional support, practical advice, and resources you need to thrive as a mom.

In fact, I consider my supportive community more than just a support system. They have proven to be a lifeline.

Tips for Building Your Supportive Community as a Mom of an Autistic Child

1) Find others who get autism! It is not necessary to find experts. Some of the most supportive people I have found are not experts. Nor do they have experience with autistics.

They simply care and want to learn more. They are motivated by genuinely wanting to help and understand autism better. Those people exist.

2) Determine what is most important to you! You will find that your best support comes from others with similar values.

You might run into other autism moms that do not support you well because they have different ideas or goals regarding autism and have vastly different values.

That is okay. You can still do your best to support one another on a different level. They might not be your primary support.

3) Recognize that building a supportive community has its challenges. Rome wasn’t built in a day, right? Neither will your support system.

Be patient with yourself and others as you navigate the waters and build your community. Taking some time will help you build a more solid community.

A strong support system can make a world of difference in your life as a mom of an autistic child.

R

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Hi Moms!Our unique strengths are the driving force for our successes. These strengths are our mom superpowers that get us through the ups and downs of raising an autistic.

Are you aware of your superpowers or strengths? If you are aware, you can continue to grow your strengths.

In this episode, I dive into ways to nurture your strengths to thrive in your autism journey.

Find the full transcript for this episode at www.thrivingmomsofautistics.com/56

Please share the podcast with other moms to help them grow in their autism journey. You can also do this by leaving a review on Apple Podcasts. I appreciate you!

Recognizing Innate Strengths is the First Step for Moms of Autistics

If you go to my website and scroll down the home page, you will see “topics” on the lower left side at the bottom.

If you click on Uncover Your Strengths, you will have access to all my episodes on this topic. Or you can click on Uncover Your Strengths in the transcript for this episode.

To recap if you are a new listener, most individuals have a hard time identifying personal strengths.

Moms of autistics often exhibit a range of innate strengths, which can sometimes be missed amidst the challenges they may face. Strengths must be identified first. Then they must be nurtured to grow, and then successes follow.

One strength that is common in moms of autistics is being resourceful, which is derived from the strengths of perseverance and on some level creativity.

Autism moms often develop innovative strategies for supporting their children's development, tapping into their creativity and resourcefulness to find solutions that work for their families.

This is important because resources support moms of autistics by decreasing stressors of the unknown and increasing self-care in a variety of ways.

Perseverance encompasses determination, resilience, and self-belief. It is key to success by helping moms overcome challenges and achieve goals.

How Autism Moms Can Nurture Perseverance and Grow in Their Journey?

It’s important for autism moms to prioritize their own well-being and nurture their inner strengths.

One way to achieve this is to seek professional support. People often assume I am talking about counseling. However, if you need counseling, it is important to seek out a professional to assist you in this area.

The professional support I am referring to is the professional guidance from case managers, who can provide valuable tools for managing stress through respite.

Perhaps you need an individual coach for brainstorming ideas to support needs and solve problems. You might gain additional guidance through support groups.

I work 1:1 with moms of autistics as a coach. For more information, click Work with Christina on the Thriving Moms of Autistics homepage. Or click on this in the transcript for this episode.

Case managers have vital information on supports in your community that many others are not aware of. This is also the case in support groups. You can bounce ideas off other parents that have had similar needs.

Using Autism Mom Strengths to Thrive

Autism moms embody resilience, resourcefulness, and unwavering love. Their strengths empower themselves and their children to thrive. Their advocacy shapes the world around them, and their unwavering dedication inspires us all.

To all the autism moms out there, you are appreciated. Your dedication to your children is an inspiration to us all.

Remember, you are a force to be reckoned with, and your strength is a beacon of hope for your children and the world aro

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Hi Moms!As a mom of an autistic child, you play a crucial role in shaping your child's growth and development. Your own mindset, beliefs, and attitudes can have a profound impact on your child's perception of themselves and their abilities. Embracing a growth mindset for yourself can empower you to effectively support your child's journey and foster their own growth mindset.

In this episode, I explore the benefits and challenges of mindset as an autism mom and ways to grow your mindset.

Find the full transcript for this episode at www.thrivingmomsofautistics.com/55

Please share the podcast with other moms to help them grow in their autism journey. You can also do this by leaving a review on Apple Podcasts. I appreciate you!

What is a Growth Mindset for Autism Moms

A growth mindset is the belief that your abilities can be developed through dedication and hard work. It's about viewing challenges as opportunities for learning and growth rather than insurmountable obstacles. Individuals with a growth mindset are more likely to persevere in the face of setbacks, seek out new learning experiences, and view themselves as capable of achieving their goals.

There are two mindsets: fixed and growth. Where are you on the mindset continuum?

Individuals with a fixed mindset have a statis intelligence and believe they possess a set amount of skills. They avoid challenges and making mistakes. They believe that effort is not necessary, ignore feedback, and give up easily.

Those with a growth mindset view intelligence as changeable, and that they can develop skills with effort. They embrace challenges and view mistakes as a learning opportunity. They crave feedback and believe that effort leads to mastery of skills. They persist in the face of setbacks.

Why is a Growth Mindset Important for Moms of Autistic Children?

A growth mindset is particularly important for moms of autistic children because it allows you to approach parenting with a positive and empowering mindset. It enables you to:

· View your child's challenges as opportunities for growth and development.

· Focus on your child's effort and progress rather than solely on outcomes.

· Encourage your child to embrace challenges and persevere through setbacks.

· Model a growth mindset yourself, demonstrating the power of hard work and perseverance.

This is more challenging for moms of neurodivergent children
because their development is not the same. This is why flexibility is essential
for success. A growth mindset allows for such flexibility.

Also, when we focus on outcome, we do not meet our child where they are at. A pressured autistic child is a recipe for disaster. We know this all too well.

Noticing improvements and changes, no matter how small they are, is so encouraging for any human being.

Lastly, our children are little sponges. When we develop a growth mindset, which can be difficult given the challenges we are faced with but can be done, our children learn these attributes as well.

Autistics can have a growth mindset. We develop this mindset at our own rate in synch with our own developmental and learning style.

How Do Moms Develop a Growth Mindset in the Midst of Constant Challenges?

Here are some strategies to cultivate a growth mindset in yourself as a mom of an autistic child:

1. Challenge your own fixed mindset beliefs. Identify any limiting
   beliefs you may hold about yourself or your child's abilities. Challenge these
   beliefs by seeking out positive examples and evidence that contradict them.

2. Embrace new challenges and learning
   opportunities. Step outside your comfort

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Hey, it’s Christina! Now that we started the second year of Thriving Moms of Autistics, I wanted to offer one more popular Power Up Episode from early on in Season 1. It was a popular episode that listeners connected with that really set a foundation for supporting moms. Thank you for allowing me on your journey. Enjoy this Power Up Episode and get ready for a new episode next week!

In this episode, I’ll give you tips to move from merely surviving to fully thriving. We all have the potential to thrive. Thriving doesn’t have to just be a dream. Thriving can be your reality.

Find the full transcript at https://thrivingmomsofautistics.com/54

Be sure to leave a review on Apple Podcasts. I appreciate your input and support.

What brings joy to moms of autistics?

We’re all such different creatures. That’s what makes us so interesting. Some people like to shop. Others like to visit with friends over coffee. I don’t like shopping. And I don’t like coffee. I know!

Instead, I like to be productive. No kidding. Productivity makes me happy. I like checking things off my list of things to do and get creative. This can get me into trouble quickly, especially when raising an autistic.

Moms of autistics tend to carry a lot of stress

As moms of autistics, we have a lot on our plate. We stress about taking our child out in public, unexpected behaviors or transitions, loud noises, someone coming to the front door, last minute changes, IEP meetings, and the list goes on.

So how do you know when it’s time to slow down? Can you realistically slow down? We all have stopping points, even when there is too much going on to stop.

And if we don’t stop, our body will for us. Let me repeat that. If we don’t stop, our body will for us.

There are often signs along the way that we need to slow down. We just miss them because we are busy in the midst of chaos in our lives.

In episode 6, I explored mom hacks for moments of chaos. One way to do this is to uncover your personal strengths as tools to counter challenging times. Now let’s dive deeper into understanding how to individually alleviate stress so it doesn’t continue to build and weigh us down.

Questions that guide self-care in moms of autistics

• We tend to get stuck in worry in how to handle situations. What are some ways you can exercise your mind to shift your thoughts?
• We often spend our time doing for others and neglect what is important to us. What hobbies would you like to engage in?
• We neglect our physical health and focus on solely on our child. What ways are you able to get moving?
• How can you say yes when others offer support?
• Sometimes we isolate because people do not understand autism, and we are left to do everything on our own. What areas do you need to set boundaries the most?

Spend some time this week thinking about your answers to these questions and evaluate where changes need to be made. Perhaps you already do well in some areas. Or maybe you are struggling across the board.

The word Thrive means to be successful, to grow, or to flourish. I have shared that my husband and I woke up one day and realized we were just surviving, which is pretty common in autism families. We transitioned from surviving to thriving and you can do. It is not impossible. I want that for you. So let’s thrive together!

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Hi Moms! I am excited you are here as we celebrate season 2 of the Thriving Moms of Autistics Podcast.

In Episode 17, I introduced the role of resiliency when tackling challenges. When I think of resiliency, I think of flexibility in hard times. This includes mental, emotional, and behavioral flexibility.

It is tied to how we adapt to life’s challenges. It’s a process. One doesn’t magically become resilient. It is part of growth and experience.

In this episode, I explore why it’s so important and what hinders and what grows resiliency.

Find the full transcript for this episode at www.thrivingmomsofautistics.com/53

Please share the podcast with other moms to help them grow in their autism journey. You can also do this by leaving a review on Apple Podcasts. I love our group of moms and am excited for the moms to come. Autism moms are a force!

Why Resiliency is Important for Moms of Autistics

Resiliency and flexibility go hand in hand. The reason my VIP program focuses on positive affect and emotions is because incorporating daily positive habits buffer against the effects of stress that are associated with raising an autistic child.

People often refer to resiliency as bouncing back. When we experience resiliency after a challenging event, we don’t go back. We move forward. We aren’t the same as we were before the event. We grow.

This is a newer and more accurate way of looking at resiliency.

What Might Hinder Autism Mom’s Resiliency?

There are two areas to consider, our mind, and our experiences.

All moms experience stress. Our view of stress and how we manage stress can have a negative impact on resiliency.

When one experiences trauma, their brain changes. This impacts how one views the world and deals with challenges. These individuals must make cognitive and behavioral changes to overcome trauma.

Moms with chronic health conditions might experience resiliency differently as they have additional stressors and experiences that impact stress management.

Does that mean that moms with chronic health issues are doomed to be less resilient? Absolutely not. As someone with a host of autoimmune disorders, I know too well the challenges that present as a result. I might have to stretch a little further to achieve resiliency, but it’s not impossible. In fact, I have proven it can happen.

What Contributes to Resiliency in Moms of Autistics?

There are many options for boosting resiliency.

1) Consider how you view stress and struggles. Optimism is a strong predictor of happiness. Even some of the most optimistic individuals aren’t optimistic 24/7. Optimism often takes practice and awareness.

2) Mind and Body Exercises Build Resiliency. Practicing mindfulness in times of struggle helps us gain momentum over troubled times. Even guided imagery and breathing techniques help clear our minds when we are less centered and experiencing difficulties.

Our bodies and minds respond to stress in negative ways, regardless of who you are. These exercises help us gain clarity to move forward. Superhumans do not exist.

3) Surrounding yourself with people who understand autism. We are more resilient when we experience a supportive environment.

4) Self-efficacy and self-compassion lead to resiliency. Our belief that we can achieve something makes all the difference as well as our capacity to forgive ourselves when we make mistakes.

5) Increased faith has led to increased resiliency. Studies have shown that individual

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Hey, it’s Christina! As we close the first year of Thriving Moms of Autistics, I wanted to end Season 1 with Power up Episode. It was one of the most popular episodes that listeners resonated with. Thank you for allowing me on your journey. Season 2 is going to be fabulous! I appreciate you!

Hi Moms! I wanted to share the best self-care tip I have found to date. It isn’t yoga, meeting up with friends, or a massage. As nice as these things sound, they are only immediate fixes.

Nope! I am talking about something more long term. It’s the same concept for all moms but varies by mom and child.

I notice that this comes easier for moms that are more like their child and might be on the spectrum. However, that is not the case for all moms and might require a little more work… at first. Once you implement it consistently, it becomes second nature. ALL moms can do it!

In this episode, I tell you my #1 way to deescalate when my child is escalated, which is the ultimate form of self-care.

Find the full transcript for this episode at www.thrivingmomsofautistics.com/52

Please share the podcast with other moms to help them grow in their autism journey. You can also do this by leaving a review on Apple Podcasts. I love our group of moms and am excited for the moms to come. Autism moms are a force!

The Autism Mom Challenges of an Escalating Child

We have all been there! Our kids struggle in moments of trying to make sense of the world in a way that most of us could not fathom.

For example, it’s really hard to communicate your needs when you have a communication disorder. It’s quite difficult to hear what someone is saying when all you can hear is the buzzing from the lights because your senses are accelerated and no one else notices it.

I have learned in those moments to remember one thing. EMPATHY! I might not have had that experience or don’t fully understand the “why” behind the behavior. However, in that moment, I flip the switch from unnerved or frustrated to an attempt to empathize.

Easy, right? Not necessarily. It takes a lot of work to switch gears in some situations, but you can do it.

Perhaps you are struggling yourself that day. We all have bad days. That is when you might need a post-it on the wall that says, “empathize!” Right? I have an imaginary post-it in my mind to remind myself. You might need an actual post-it and that’s okay!

I recall a visit to Costco. My son was wrapping his hands around me from behind giving me a big hug as we shopped. Everyone thought I was the luckiest mom alive and was amazed at how my son showed his affection. I heard, “Oh, that’s sweet. He just loves his mama.”

They completely misread his behavior. What he was really saying was, “Hey mom! This is the second store you’ve dragged me to, and I have had enough. My way!”

I learned quickly at the end of our Costco visit that he has a limit, and I need to pay attention to that. Let’s just say that it involved some dropping and possibly some kicking on our way out of the store.

Shout out to Costco for their ability to recognize and support our needs as an autism family.

I will often give you real examples, so you do not know you are alone. I like to give you solutions to remember that you are human and that it takes time to overcome obstacles. YOU are NOT alone!

As a mom of an autistic, there is no testing the limits with our child. Our child makes those limits well known if we listen closely and pay attention. They are smart little ones.

I call this the hidden autism mom superpower. It is this superpower that will lead to increased self-care when you use it.

How is Deescalating Myself as a mom of an Autistic a Form of Self-Care?

Meeting your child where they are is essential for self-care. Imagine

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Hi Moms! My son has been sick with the flu all week. He was struggling at school and ABA a couple of days before he officially became sick.

It was one of those ah-ha mom moments a week later when I put two and two together. Of course, he was feeling off just before he got sick. He usually does just before an illness, and everything has been going around this month.

It’s important for moms to not be so hard on themselves when they have these ah-ha moments. Sometimes the standards we set for ourselves are a bit high. We are human and have a lot on our plates.

In these moments, we get so busy that we forget about the resources we have to support ourselves and our family. Or perhaps, we don’t have resources and needs in some cases.

In this episode, I explore strategies for effectively utilizing available resources to overcome the unique challenges of raising an autistic child and offer practical ways to support you and your child in your autism journey.

Find the full transcript for this episode at http://thrivingmomsofautistics.com/51

Please share the podcast with other moms to help them grow in their autism journey. You can also do this by leaving a review on Apple Podcasts. I appreciate you!

When Autism Moms Get Overwhelmed by Obstacles

When autistics get sick, it often manifests behaviorally first. This can be overwhelming for moms and others who care for the child.

I felt so helpless at the onset of my son’s illness when his temperature shot up and he was feeling lethargic. He was dizzy, shaking, and couldn’t walk.

One of the obstacles that moms experience with their child’s illness is that autism is a neurological condition. It impacts their ability to communicate effectively.

It is difficult to tell if they are in pain or what level of pain or symptoms they are experiencing. They start scripting, and it’s difficult to tell if they are referring to something real or fictional.

My son was non-verbal for years. I spent so much time reading him in other ways. As moms, we become experts on our children, but even we don’t know everything going on with them.

I often think about moms of non-verbal children and remember that struggle. Even now that my son is verbal, there are still many barriers to figuring out what is going on with him when he is not well.

How Moms of Autistics Can Shift and Succeed in Their Journey

I talk a lot about surrounding yourself with a supportive community of friends and family to get through the unique challenges of raising an autistic. Your community is so much more than that, which is what I want to focus on more in this episode.

Looking back on the past week and the ups and downs we experienced as a family; I realized that I had not set firm boundaries regarding our support system.

In my state, parents can apply for a support waiver. This added a secondary insurance to our current insurance, which was nice, but our pediatrician could no longer see us because he did not accept our secondary insurance.

We were so bummed. We loved this doctor. We switched to another provider, who left the practice after one visit and inherited his partner.

I want to make clear that we are all different. My favorite saying is to meet people where they are at. Providers have different skill sets and are better with some groups than others.

We have been with this doctor for a while now but only see her once or twice a year. She is old school and has been practicing for many years. I noticed that she doesn’t have a lot of patience with my son and has high expectations.

I know what you’re thinking. Pediatricians should have a lot of patience, right? It doesn’t matter how long you have been practicing. We all have different strengths for different reasons.

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Hi Moms! Lately, I’ve been hearing from a lot of moms that they have felt so unsettled lately. They’ve expressed ongoing anxiety or a sense of doom.

I get it. I’ve had these same feelings. As moms of autistics, we work extra hard to protect our children from the unique challenges they face on top of typical child-related challenges.

We are surrounded by daily horror stories from all corners of the world. Seasoned therapists often experience PTSD from repeatedly hearing stories over the years of trauma and devastation.

Think about that for a minute. There is a lot going on around the world right now. When you have experienced extraordinary, repeated situations in your own life, you are more likely to feel the heaviness of what others are experiencing around you.

In this episode, I explore ways to protect yourself from overwhelming circumstances to minimize the long-term effects on you and your child.

Find the full transcript for this episode at http://thrivingmomsofautistics.com/50

Please share the podcast with other moms to help them grow in their autism journey. You can also do this by leaving a review on Apple Podcasts. I appreciate you!

Navigating the Chaos as an Autism Mom

I’m just going to jump right into this today. Because we all know why this is important, right? So, I don’t need to examine that.

Being surrounded by so much that is out of one’s control and can take a toll on anyone. No one is exempt from that.

You know yourself best. However, you might miss key warning signs if you’re not paying close attention. It’s a chaotic time after all.

Moms of autistics juggle a lot of balls day after day. One might think it’s impossible to catch everything as a result. However, autism moms tend to have a heightened sense of awareness that works in everyone’s favor.

Unfortunately, they tend to place themselves at the end of the line when it comes to attention. Yes, I’m talking about you! We all have done it.

Tips for Autism Moms to Achieve Peace

Tip #1 Set Boundaries: Moms of autistics lead pretty structured lives given the uncertainty of our days. We live in a technological era. The news is everywhere. It is hard to get away from it.

Sometimes, you must unplug. I keep my phone on all the time when I am not with my son in case his teachers or therapists need me. Like you, I can never completely unplug. But I can decide what I read and watch.

This might mean you need to take a break from the news. That is a trigger waiting to happen. Nothing good comes from the news usually.

It is good to be informed to some extent, but it can have a big impact on you with repeated exposure. This includes social media. Many get their news through social media. Also, it is not a realistic place. I think of it as wonderland, or the land of what others want you to see.

I can’t tell you how many people have told me they took a break from social media for a few days and the difference it made in their lives.

I use social media for marketing but can definitely minimize my use on a daily basis.

Here is a challenge for the week to come. Are you ready? Track how often and how long you are on social media for a 2–3-day period. You might be surprised by the results.

Tip #2 Be Mindful of Your Energy Source: Have you ever heard of garbage in garbage out? What you put into your body matters. Our food and drink options serve as an energy source for our bodies.

I had a meeting earlier today with a friend developing a business about gut health. All I could think about was how my belly hurt from eating too much candy earlier in the day. The sad thing was that it was only 11am. But I was feeling stressed. Needless to say, the candy didn’t help.

I

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Hi Moms! You know the saying, “It’s always something?” Well, it kind of is always something because that is how life works, right?

But it’s a journey. There will be ups and downs.

I promise you that if you think, but others don’t go through what I do, you’re right. Many don’t, but they do go through their own set of difficulties. We just aren’t aware of it. No one is unscathed in this life.

We can walk past many people in a day and have no idea what they are going through at the time.

It is important to enjoy what you can when you can, but always remember that the bad times won’t last forever.

I have an interesting mindset that I’ve developed when it comes to negativity in life. I have chronic immune issues and see an immunologist and rheumatologist.

When I start getting sick, my first thought isn’t, “oh crap this is going to be the worst. I will never get over this. I’m going to miss x, y, and z over the next couple of weeks!” Instead, I think, “Okay, this is day one. I am about one day closer to when I will be over this. Not much longer!”

Imagine if we had that mindset about everything negative that comes our way in life. You know bad things are going to happen. Why not look at it through a different lens?

When I talk about gaining a positive, supportive community, I am not talking about a perfect circle of friends that will help us get through the challenges in our autism journey.

I am talking about an imperfect group of friends that will support one another the best they can. It might change over time, but the good will outweigh the bad.

In this episode, I explore the importance of not giving up when someone in our supportive community lets you down, and that it is okay when your community changes and grows.

Find the full transcript for this episode at http://thrivingmomsofautistics.com/49

Please share the podcast with other moms to help them grow in their autism journey. You can also do this by leaving a review on Apple Podcasts. I appreciate you!

Assessing Your Supportive Community as an Autism Mom

None of us are perfect. We all make mistakes. I talk often about meeting others where they are at. With that comes awareness of how their behavior impacts them and those around them.

The same goes for you! How does your behavior and decisions impact you, your child, and others?

Is it something that is continually getting worse? Are their decisions impacting others negatively and potentially a safety issue?

If so, you might need to make some hard choices.

What do you want your supportive community to look like?

Many moms might say that they would like people around them, who are accepting, non-judgmental, supportive, patient, uplifting, helpful, resourceful, just to name a few.

It is nice when you have others who have the shared experience of raising a child with different needs.

Will we always understand what one another is going through? Will we always agree with the decisions others make? Not always, but we are always open to listen and meet one another where we are at. That is worth gold!

What Happens When Your Supportive Community Changes?

You might find your supportive community shifting a bit. That is normal and happens. People change or move on. It’s not the end of the world.

You might find that your needs have changed, and it’s time for you to move on to a different group with a common goal like yours. That is okay!

You might find that someone in your group has changed course and has a negative impact on you and the others in the group. This is hard. It can be sad.

Not everyone shares the same beliefs and goals. It is healthier for them to find others who can support their needs. Ultimately, change is hard for

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Hi Moms! It’s not uncommon for relationships to change once we become parents. We might have less in common with our childless friends or our friends with neurotypical children do not have the same challenges and tend to stay away. We isolate ourselves as a result.

In this episode, I explore how different individuals can come together with a similar cause and create support and balance in the process.

Find the full transcript for this episode at http://thrivingmomsofautistics.com/48

Please share the podcast with other moms to help them grow in their autism journey. You can also do this by leaving a review on Apple Podcasts. I appreciate you!

Benefits of Having Support as an Autism Mom

It is common to feel lonely as a mom of an autistic. It is hard to find others who understand autism. As a result, moms deal with a lot of judgement and misunderstanding.

I talk about the importance of gaining a supportive community often. It has made such a difference in my life. Could you continue taking it all on yourself? Of course… for a while anyway! But you don’t have to.

It matters who you surround yourself with because it impacts your well-being.

Research shows that dispositional optimism is related to increased psychological and physical well-being. My own research supports optimism as a predictor of well-being as well and digs deeper to find that a combination of optimism and locus control impacts well-being.

Optimistic individuals tend to be better problem solvers, which influences relationship satisfaction. One study showed that moms of autistics with children having more severe symptoms, who sought out emotional support, coping, and planning strategies had higher well-being. It’s not surprising that parents with increased social support report less relational distress.

One study explored parental relationships and found that one’s positive strengths predicted higher levels of satisfaction in their relationships and individual well-being.

As a result, it is likely that engaging in daily positive intervention and seeking emotional support from others will help improve well-being for moms of autistics. When a mom is in a good place, it helps her child considerably and impacts their situation overall.

One’s strengths are not only important to their own well-being but can contribute to their relationships.

Attributes of Moms of Autistics That Can Improve Their Well-Being

Can your support group succeed if the members are all different? Yes! All human beings have different strengths. That is what contributes to the group dynamic. You balance one another out.

This is another reason why your group matters. We tend to think that our similarities are the glue that keeps us together, but it is so much more than that.

For example, your strength might be creativity. You can offer the group creative ways to bring their families together.

Someone in your supportive community might have the strength of hope, which you are not as strong in. If you tend to be more pessimistic and must work harder at seeing the brightside, this individual can be a blessing for you and encourage you.

Ultimately, your diverse group can bring an assortment of strengths that will complement one another. My supportive community includes a variety of individuals from different backgrounds and different personalities.

Our children bring us together. They all have special needs that are not necessarily the same, but that’s okay. Our collective differences work together to foster a supportive environment during the challenging times we face as moms.

So, ask yourself, who am I surrounded by?

Do they contribute to healthier well-being?

Do I need more people in my supportive community that can help me and

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Hi Moms! There is a lot going on in our world today. We’ve been impacted by the pandemic, economic changes, a national shortage of autism specialists, long wait lists for treatment, and increased crime rates. The list goes on and on.

There are many changes occurring right now in my state regarding Medicaid, which greatly impacts families of autistics. These elements of life add to the typical challenges that moms of autistics incur.

It is overwhelming for all of us, especially with the holidays coming up.

In this episode, I peel the layers of the onion to share my own vulnerability to this and show how this impacts us all. I explore ways to control the uncontrollable and get back on track during difficult times.

Find the full transcript for this episode at http://thrivingmomsofautistics.com/47

Please share the podcast with other moms to help them grow in their autism journey. You can also do this by leaving a review on Apple Podcasts. I appreciate you!

The Negative Impact of Things Out of Your Control as an Autism Mom

As you know, I tend to be an optimistic person, but I get down at times. My optimistic outlook might make it appear that I am unscathed by the negativity of life at times, but that is not completely true. We are human beings and vulnerable to the things going on around us.

Some impacts are greater than others. Moms deal with this differently based on their own experiences, beliefs, and coping mechanisms.

I am in a very different place than I was 10 or 20 years ago. We grow and evolve with time and experience.

These are stressful times for many reasons, which is why the content of this episode is so timely and important.

Here is a brief survey to get you thinking about your current state of stress. You might need to circle back around to the transcript for this. Perhaps you can make a list of and consider the impact of each. It might be zero impact or minimal to high on a scale of 1-10.

Take a moment to consider the 8 common stress areas.

1. Finances- low pay, high debt,high utilities, grocery expenses, medial expenses
2. Job/Career- poor management, low morale
3. Community support- minimal people who get autism in your life, few reliable and compatible friendships
4. Family- parenting, significant other, familial discord
5. Housing Issues- neighborhood crime, housing expenses, noisy area
6. Health Issues- physical, emotional,
7. Education Needs- IEP issues, lack of support, increased push back or minimizing accommodations for success
8. Treatment Needs- long wait lists, shortage of autism professionals, limited treatment options in your area

Take some time and consider each area. Think about listing each from highest to lowest. Are you surprised by the outcome? You might have noticed some areas are higher or lower than you expected.

What Moms of Autistics Can Do to Make a Difference

While some of these stressors can improve over time with implemented changes, others are not within your control or at least for the moment.

That is a scary thought when you have limited control over something. As humans, we often try to control the uncontrollable with worry. That is the last thing you want to do.

My mom was a chronic worrier. She had good reason. She was overwhelmed as a single mom working more than one job, limited income, medical insurance, unreliable transportation, and serious health issues.

As a result, I learned to control my anxiety through worry. It took a while to unlearn that, but I did. You can too.

Five Healthy Ways I Learned to Control the Uncontrollable

I mentioned that we use worry to control things we cannot immediately chan

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Hi Moms! In previous episodes, I’ve explored stressors for moms of autistics. One stressor that is pretty consistent across the board is the disapproving look or words from others.

This can happen with strangers, friends, or family. It can happen in public places, schools, or in private in one’s home.

One might say, “Who cares what others think?” Well, it’s not that easy. It’s one thing when someone disapproves of you in an individualized situation. It’s another when it involves the ones you love.

As moms, we are our child’s protector. The truth is that we cannot protect them from everything. Rather than escalating these situations resulting in lasting effects, how do you maneuver through these situations as your best self?

In this episode, I explore the weight of this stress on moms of autistics and how to move forward and rise above the disapproval of others and feel confident in your choices.

Find the full transcript for this episode at http://thrivingmomsofautistics.com/46

Please share the podcast with other moms to help them grow in their autism journey. You can also do this by leaving a review on Apple Podcasts. I appreciate you!

An Autism Mom’s Human Response to Challenges and Disappointments

Raising an autistic is never boring. In fact, there are many blessings that come with being their mom.

I still find myself in disbelief that I get to be my son’s mom, especially after years of being childless and believing it would never happen.

There are ups and downs as with every parent-child relationship. We just have some unique challenges, which an confusion others.

Have you ever had a new experience that you didn’t quite understand? That is how it is for others, who do not have the experience of parenting an autistic child.

I’ve shared what it was like to be scrutinized by a young, childless couple at the zoo when my son was 3 and newly diagnosed. They were quite verbal about their disapproval of how we were keeping our son safe while giving him some autonomy using a safety backpack for children, who tend to wander or elope.

We found ourselves in another situation at a church when our son was starting to display more sensory seeking behaviors. Our son has always been busy. He can listen and take in everything around him but needs to move around at times.

It was Christmas time. Our son was 4 at the time and non-verbal. We took him to a celebration at church where an angel reads the Christmas story. While the children were sitting and listening intently, our son was standing by the wall, quietly playing with a piece of paper attached to the wall while he was listening to the story.

The angel reading the story seemed annoyed at times when he wasn’t sitting nicely like all the other children.

At one point, he decided to sit down with the other children and gently patted the little girl next to him on top of the head (duck duck goose style). Her dad grabbed his arm.

I raised my hand slightly to create a buffer and gently said, “It’s okay. He didn’t mean any harm.” He backed down, realizing that it wasn’t as it appeared.

My husband escorted our son from the room. I told the dad that my son was autistic and was trying to communicate with her. The angel stopped the story and stated with distain, “Oh, I thought so!”

You all have had similar stories. It doesn’t feel good, does it? It never does. But this, I know. It’s the human experience.

I have learned to stop and consider where the other individual is coming from. The angel clearly didn’t understand autism. The dad was just looking out for his daughter and had an automatic response. I get that.

Guess what? We’re going to have many more of these experiences. The good news is that people realize it is time to learn more abo

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Hi Moms! We are going to start this episode with some difficult truths, but it will end with some revelations about overcoming and embracing the future with hope and resilience.

It’s been a difficult few years for people all over the world. The pandemic has had such an impact on adults and children.

According to CDC, 48,183 people died by suicide in the United States in 2021. That is 1 death every 11 minutes.

During this time, 12.3 million adults had thoughts of suicide, 3.5 million adults made a plan, and 1.7 million attempted suicide.

I would imagine that we have all been affected by suicide in some way, especially as rates continue to increase. So why am I talking about this? Because it is important, and suicide doesn’t discriminate. It can take hold of anyone at any time.

In this episode, I explore why a healthy mind is more important now than ever and provide insights into how one’s mindset can turn things around in difficult times.

Find the full transcript for this episode at http://thrivingmomsofautistics.com/45

Please share the podcast with other moms to help them grow in their autism journey. You can also do this by leaving a review on Apple Podcasts. I appreciate you!

Negative Influences on the Autism Mom’s Brain

We all know the stress that moms of autistic carry. We question ourselves if we are doing it right or if we are enough.

This is what I know about moms of autistics. We don’t give up! We are incredibly tenacious and gritty. That doesn’t mean that we don’t feel down at times. We are our greatest critics.

I’ve explored mindset in previous episodes. You can find them at https://thrivingmomsofautistics.com/category/growth-mindset/ or click directly on the link in the transcript for this episode. Or you can scroll down on the main page of the website and click on “growth mindset” under topics on the bottom of the page.

This past week, I lost another childhood friend far too soon. Although this topic is always in that back of my mind given the increased rates, it is also near to my heart.

The human mind is complex. There is so much we still don’t know about the mind. We do know that trauma can chemically impact the brain. On a positive note, we also know that the brain can be rewired.

Positive Influences on an Autism Mom’s Mind

Moms of autistics go through inevitable trauma in their journey. Getting the diagnosis impacts us all. We go through the stages of grief and experience emotions we might not have experienced before.

The scrutiny of others, who don’t understand autism and sending them into the school system for the first time are just a couple of examples of how we are impacted along the way.

Our brains are developing from the time we are in utero. Our brains change and develop throughout our lifetime. Through the process of neuroplasticity, the brain adapts to changes and rewires as a result.

Research suggests that there are many ways to rewire our brains through rehabilitation, exercise, music, art, and much more.

When we experience depression and difficulties in life as human beings, we often fall into negative thought patterns. Some stay in these thought processes longer than others. We are all different.

I often talk about awareness and believe it is the key to transitioning out of negativity. One cannot change something if one is not aware of its existence and impact.

When we are more mindful and in the present, we open ourselves up to gain awareness of our current situation. Mindfulness has many benefits, such as improving mood and attention span and lowering stress and chronic pain.

Two Ways to Rewire Your Brain as a Mom of an Autistic

Rew

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Hi Moms! Is it challenging to build a supportive community that lasts in your autism journey? Parents of autistics face many challenges, which arise from the unique demands of raising an autistic, the diverse experiences and needs of group members, as well as external factors outside of the group.

The additional pressures can be overwhelming for moms, who are already saddled with an abundance of stressors.

In this episode, I explore ways to shift these group dynamics for the better and achieve the group cohesiveness that you all deserve.

Find the full transcript for this episode at http://thrivingmomsofautistics.com/44

Please share the podcast with other moms to help them grow in their autism journey. You can also do this by leaving a review on Apple Podcasts. I appreciate you!

Factors Influencing Group Cohesiveness Among Moms of Autistics

Sometimes moms think it is impossible to surround themselves with a well-rounded supportive group of others that get autism.

It’s not impossible. I’ve done it, and others have done it too. The glue that holds the group together isn’t the fact that you all have the shared experience of autism. That alone is not enough.

However, that is the point of coming together, but it takes more than that.

As moms of autistics, we learn powerful lessons along the way of how personal judgments impact others, assumptions are harmful, and that empathy is essential.

These are values we carry because we have been on the negative side of these experiences. It never feels good. It’s never helpful. So, why would we do that to others?

Sadly, it happens. Other characteristics get in the way of group cohesiveness as well.

Negative Influences Hindering the Effectiveness of Support Groups for Moms of Autistics

There are a variety of factors that can impact the effectiveness of a group. I am going to give three examples that damage a group but will also offer solutions for each that will strengthen a group.

1) Inflexibility – While many moms of autistics learn to be very flexible to help their children, not everyone achieves that level of flexibility. There are many reasons why that might be, but that is for a different podcast.

We all struggle with change on some level. Some struggle more than others. The goal is to grow together. That cannot happen when one is unwilling to consider the greater impact of their own destructive decision making that impacts their own situation and that of others.

Solution – You can’t change others, but they can choose to change themselves. There will be personality quirks within a group. That is completely different.

Successful supportive groups for moms of autistics provide emotional support for one another through the use of attunement. This means that we emotionally connect and validate one another.

Offering Band-Aids to help your peers won’t last. Hijacking the conversation with your own needs distracts from the current conversation and your peers’ needs get lost in the process.

There will be time to explore your needs once your friend feels heard and has their own opportunity to vent.

2) Miscommunication – Communication is key in any relationship. People need to feel heard. Moms of autistics have a lot to say given their stress levels.

It is important to allow one another to vent. Otherwise, members might not have the outlet they need if someone takes up most of the time focusing on their own needs. This can destroy a group and cause conflict withing the group.

Solution – When others are hurting, we might try to rescue them. Their despair can remind us of our own challenges. We don’t want them to struggle and are desperate to help.

Quick

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Hi Moms! Do you find yourself running out of steam often? Does it feel like there are not enough hours in the day to get everything done? Do you skip self-care to save time? It is not uncommon for moms of young autistics to experience these challenges.

In this episode, I address the unique challenges moms face that make it difficult to find time for themselves while caring for the child’s needs. 

I explore practical strategies to manage energy, time, and self-care for optimal well-being and resilience. Don’t miss this opportunity to balance your responsibilities and personal needs.

Find the full transcript for this episode at www.thrivingmomsofautistics.com/43

Please share the podcast with other moms to help them grow in their autism journey. You can also do this by leaving a review on Apple Podcasts. I appreciate you!

An Autism Mom’s Perfect Day Versus Reality 

Close your eyes and take a deep breath in, hold it, and let it all the way out. Keep your eyes closed. 

Take a minute and consider what it would look like if you had one full day that flowed beautifully with the perfect amount of time, zero problems, and if everything on your to do list was accomplished. 

Okay, now open your eyes. Hard to imagine, isn’t it? I am not so sure that exists. But what if it did, that would be fabulous. 

So, let’s work with what we’ve got. A day in the life of a mom of an autistic is often chaotic. We must stick as closely to the schedule as possible because our child needs that consistency. 

We must semi-prepare for the unplanned events and interruptions that occur along the way that set off unexpected consequences. 

Once we have managed to reorganize the mass confusion that results from the sensory overload from the unplanned event, we can breathe and take a moment for ourselves, right? 

Not so fast overachiever! We only have 24 hours in a day, right? Is it at least plausible to get in a smidgen of self-care to restore ourselves after the storm?

The answer is yes and no!

You will not likely get a beach vacation on a quiet island with complete pampering. I know. It’s a big bummer. However, there are other ways to make self-care happen.

Time and energy are not our best friend. Would you rather have more time or more energy? Why should you have to choose?

Strategies for Moms of Autistics to Find Balance and Restore

Bedtime at our house can be a challenge, but once my son gets to sleep, the window of opportunity opens for some self-care. 

Self-care is different for everyone. I come from a musical family. Music has always been a source of healing for me. Another way to calm my senses is through smell. It makes sense given the olfactory link to the limbic system.

After my son goes to bed there is always something that needs to be done that I could not get done when he was awake. Usually, the dishes are waiting, or the papers are piling up to be graded. There are emails multiplying when I am not looking, and the list goes on and on. 

I like to take this time to put on some music. The kind of music that sooths my soul. I have a variety of candles, but also use essential oils. Both of these strategies help me decompress. 

Other moms might drink some hot tea before bed to settle their bellies. Peppermint is good for that. I know my belly is turned upside down at times on those super exciting days. 

I’ve known moms take 5 or 10 minutes before bedtime to journal. It helps you identify things you are grateful for in the midst of chaos. There is always something to be thankful for.

Did you know that Amazon Prime has 15-minute yoga and Zumba? Yep! They are short, sweet, and hit the spot. 

Sometimes, we go for a snack to feel better. Instead of grabbing some chips, try grabbing some granola, y

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Episode Transcript

Hi Moms! It’s been quite a few weeks in the Wilson household. Okay, it’s always a little wild. One thing is for sure. It is never dull. 

My son likes to create magic in his room. He has been building a city for months and longs for periods of peace and quiet to construct his current project. 

We try to give him some autonomy and space to do so. He is very independent and likes to do things himself. So, we meet him where he is at.

We work on stem projects together and have stem boxes sent to the house. Somehow, he managed to get one of the boxes and snag some paint. 

He painted the top of his dresser blue. This is where the magic happens after all. Cleaning up has been fun. I now resemble Smurfette. 

In this episode, I explore how to turn chaos into calm using EVERY mom’s secret weapon.

Find the full transcript for this episode at www.thrivingmomsofautistics.com/42

Please share the podcast with other moms to help them grow in their autism journey. You can also do this by leaving a review on Apple Podcasts. I appreciate you!

Chaos and the Autism Mom

Chaos is just a part of autism parenting. Things can change quickly. Moms become masters of pivoting and assimilating. Flexibility is our middle name, right?

I imagine you have some situations swirling in your mind right now. So, how are you still holding it together? Some moms say they don’t have a choice. But life is all about choices. 

When we make the wrong choice at any given point, we can learn from it and do things differently in the future. We make that choice! We choose to carry on!

Sometimes moms of children with special needs hate when others say, “You’re so strong. I don’t know how you do it.” 

The truth is that we make that choice just like everyone else. Everyone in this world is going to experience great difficulty at some point in life. Our challenges might not be the same, but they are serious challenges, nonetheless. 

So, own that strength. You have earned it even if you are beating yourself up because it didn’t go as you had hoped. 

How Do Moms of Autistics Turn Chaos into Calm

First, we have to get on Amazon and purchase their latest Magic Mom Wand.

…Just teasing! My mom hack doesn’t work in seconds like the proverbial magic wand. 

I’ll give you a hint. You already have it but might not know it or use it. 

Any guesses? I’ve talked about this before as related to other areas of momming!

It’s your innate strengths. I know it sounds so simplistic, but it is your secret weapon for combating challenges. 

Let’s consider my son painting his dresser blue. It was shocking. Challenges usually are. 

My personality drives the fixer in me. I like to problem solve and for things to be a certain way. I thrive when things are not messy and are planned. 

You can imagine the discomfort this brought on. For me, I turned to my innate strength of perspective, which is closely tied to judgement and learning. 

I have always had this strength but have grown in this area considerably over the years. My roles as a professor and researcher require me to think critically. 

We don’t wake up one day as great critical thinkers. This takes time and practice. This is true for all our innate strengths. You need to exercise and grow them. 

Once I stopped and collected my breath, my perspective kicked in. The why behind the child’s behavior often eludes moms of autistics due to communication barriers. Sometimes our kids cannot explain their sensory experiences. 

I knew his city was important to him. He constantly tells me and my husband not to touch it when we are in his room. He takes a lot of pride in his work. 

Before I jumped to the discussion that painting without m

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Hi Moms! In the last episode, I shared how learning to stay a step ahead of your child allows you to stay calm when your child escalates, which is the ultimate self-care tip.

But that is only part of it. Escalation can be exhausting even when you as a mom stay relatively calm in the process. The aftermath can still be difficult.

In this episode, I explore how to maintain harmony once your child deescalates and how you can deal with the aftermath and stay focused.

Find the full transcript for this episode at www.thrivingmomsofautistics.com/41

Please share the podcast with other moms to help them grow in their autism journey. You can also do this by leaving a review on Apple Podcasts. I appreciate you!

Challenges Are a Part of All Journeys as well as the Autism Journey

Challenge is inevitable. How we deal with it as moms of autistics matters in the short and long term. As moms, we want the best for our children. So much so that our self-care fades away in the background while moving them to the forefront.

So, what keeps us from achieving the self-care tip of catching your child’s behaviors ahead of time to deal with it as it comes rather than after it occurs. This is also known as an antecedent or what occurs before the maladaptive behavior that leads to escalation.

Three words …we are human. Meaning that we are tired, worn down, and only have room for so much at a time. We often put ourselves on the back burner to ensure our children get what they need. We might be tempted to allow our kids to do certain things or to remove consequences because it is just easier that way in that moment.

This is a very bad habit. Our children’s behaviors are shaped by how we deal with situations along the way. They learn boundaries from us, so it is important to stay committed to those boundaries to guide future behavior and success.

Ultimately, this is a great self-care hack for moms because being mindful of the antecedent allows us to combat escalation and reduce stressors that would have occurred if we too had escalated.

What Moms Can Do After Successfully Dealing with Behaviors to Keep Themselves Focused

You have successfully headed off further escalation and behaviors, now what? It would be easy to pick it apart to figure how you could have handled it in a way that there would not have been a problem in the first place, right?

You can head down the yellow brick road of fantasy telling yourself you weren’t good enough and should have handled it perfectly, right?

That’s not realistic. Perfectionism doesn’t exist. So, don’t put yourself in a position to believe that is even an option. It’s not for anyone. All children have behaviors.

What if you did the opposite? What if you showed yourself some grace.

Yeah, today was hard, but tomorrow will be better. Rather than, I failed, or I am a horrible mom.

Today’s meltdown in the store was scary. I didn’t think that taking her to two stores in a day was a bad idea. I know she handles one store a day well. Now that I know this, I will plan this in the future.

I know he has been struggling with having safe hands and feet around others, so taking him to the carnival that is sensory overload might not be the best idea this year. We can plan for something less stimulating that will be fun for him and safe for everyone.

Focusing on what you could have or should have done differently alone is not helpful. Nor is telling yourself you are not enough and that your child is doomed helpful.

Acknowledging the difficulty, giving yourself grace, and learning from it allows for growth. That is the difference between a fixed and a growth mindset. And that is how you stay on a solid path so that you don’t fall into negative thinking patterns that further stress you out.

I

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Hi Moms! I wanted to share the best self-care tip I have found to date. It isn’t yoga, meeting up with friends, or a massage. As nice as these things sound, they are only immediate fixes.

Nope! I am talking about something more long term. It’s the same concept for all moms but varies by mom and child.

I notice that this comes easier for moms that are more like their child and might be on the spectrum. However, that is not the case for all moms and might require a little more work… at first. Once you implement it consistently, it becomes second nature. ALL moms can do it!

In this episode, I tell you my #1 way to deescalate when my child is escalated, which is the ultimate form of self-care.

Find the full transcript for this episode at www.thrivingmomsofautistics.com/40

Please share the podcast with other moms to help them grow in their autism journey. You can also do this by leaving a review on Apple Podcasts. I love our group of moms and am excited for the moms to come. Autism moms are a force!

The Autism Mom Challenges of an Escalating Child

We have all been there! Our kids struggle in moments of trying to make sense of the world in a way that most of us could not fathom.

For example, it’s really hard to communicate your needs when you have a communication disorder. It’s quite difficult to hear what someone is saying when all you can hear is the buzzing from the lights because your senses are accelerated and no one else notices it.

I have learned in those moments to remember one thing. EMPATHY! I might not have had that experience or don’t fully understand the “why” behind the behavior. However, in that moment, I flip the switch from unnerved or frustrated to an attempt to empathize.

Easy, right? Not necessarily. It takes a lot of work to switch gears in some situations, but you can do it.

Perhaps you are struggling yourself that day. We all have bad days. That is when you might need a post-it on the wall that says, “empathize!” Right? I have an imaginary post-it in my mind to remind myself. You might need an actual post-it and that’s okay!

I recall a visit to Costco. My son was wrapping his hands around me from behind giving me a big hug as we shopped. Everyone thought I was the luckiest mom alive and was amazed at how my son showed his affection. I heard, “Oh, that’s sweet. He just loves his mama.”

They completely misread his behavior. What he was really saying was, “Hey mom! This is the second store you’ve dragged me to, and I have had enough. My way!”

I learned quickly at the end of our Costco visit that he has a limit, and I need to pay attention to that. Let’s just say that it involved some dropping and possibly some kicking on our way out of the store.

Shout out to Costco for their ability to recognize and support our needs as an autism family.

I will often give you real examples, so you do not know you are alone. I like to give you solutions to remember that you are human and that it takes time to overcome obstacles. YOU are NOT alone!

As a mom of an autistic, there is no testing the limits with our child. Our child makes those limits well known if we listen closely and pay attention. They are smart little ones.

I call this the hidden autism mom superpower. It is this superpower that will lead to increased self-care when you use it.

How is Deescalating Myself as a mom of an Autistic a Form of Self-Care?

Meeting your child where they are is essential for self-care. Imagine how you feel when someone meets you where you are at in a challenging moment? You feel thankful that someone is there in that moment, right?

You can do that for your child. What a difference it makes!

Go one step further… when you consider ways to stay one step ahead of your child, it makes a

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Hi Moms! I had a conversation recently with a group of women about mental health and trauma. Someone added to the conversation that we don’t heal alone. We heal in the presence of others. That’s how we were made. What a great point!

Modern society tells us that we can do it all ourselves and should take pride in that, which might contribute to the greater levels of depression and anxiety we are all experiencing at this time in history. 

Women need to feel connected. They flourish in the right supportive environment. This is hard to do because some groups can be toxic, which makes us run from others and seek independence. 

Have you had that experience? I think we all have at some point, whether in childhood, adolescence, or even adulthood. The point is that you can feel supported in the right environment. 

In this episode, I explore how building supports can change the trajectory of your path and recharge your battery as a mom of an autistic.

Find the full transcript for this episode at www.thrivingmomsofautistics.com/39

Please share the podcast with other moms to help them grow in their autism journey. You can also do this by leaving a review on Apple Podcasts. I appreciate you!

Taking the Independent Path as an Autism Mom

Everyone has bumps in the road in their journey. Unfortunately, life is not a smooth path. Moms of autistics know this all too well.

It can be isolating because our experiences as moms are quite different from others. It’s hard for those to understand, who have not had those same experiences. Although people often try, that’s normal. 

This is one reason why moms of autistics isolate themselves. It’s hard to explain what we are going through, especially when it comes to the unique challenges often that we face. 

Our triumphs seem miniscule to others, but for us that milestone was a long time coming, which makes it that much sweeter. It’s a beautiful thing to have someone to celebrate those victories with.

Another reason why moms of autistics isolate themselves is because it takes a lot of energy to explain or try to help others understand their situation. Does that mean others won’t understand? Of course not. Everyone is different.

In the past, I’ve talked about opportunities to educate others in moments of difficulty. Sometimes, people are closed off to understanding, which is their loss. Move on from it. Don’t take on that additional stress. You don’t need it. It has nothing to do with you. It’s about them. 

Most often, it lightens the load and brings us together. Further allowing us to come together when things get hard again, and they will. That’s life!

We all have challenges. We just have different challenges. 

Making the Transition to Share Your Autism Journey with Others

It’s not easy to decide to switch gears and open yourself and your situation up to others. I thought I was fully equipped to do it all on my own. 

My husband was supportive, but we didn’t have anyone in our inner circle. We were too busy making sure our son had everything he needed in terms of growth, therapy, and milestones. 

We were wrong. Our son needed others in his life that understood and were supportive just as much as we did. We learned the hard way when we both had back-to-back medical emergencies within a two-month period. 

The Benefit of Running on a Full Charge as a Mom of an Autistic

One obvious benefit is that you have others to bounce ideas off of. They might have different experiences with their autistic loved one but can appreciate the challenge.

It is powerful to have someone listen to you and try to understand. They don’t have to fix it for us. But we need others to empathize and love us through it. That is a great start to recharging your battery. Otherwise, you just marinate in it,

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Hi Moms! I recently shared how one of my innate strengths got me through a sticky situation at a carnival with my son. I did not realize that courage was one of my strengths for the longest time.

Once I recognized it in Junior High, it opened a lot of doors for me and allowed me to get through some hard times.

Recognizing it was one thing. I had to strengthen that muscle of courage over the years to get where I am today. That is why the time is now to identify your strengths or strengthen those you are aware of.

In this episode, I explore how to build strengths you are aware of to facilitate growth in your autism journey.

Find the full transcript for this episode at www.thrivingmomsofautistics.com/38

Please share the podcast with other moms to help them grow in their autism journey. You can also do this by leaving a review on Apple Podcasts. I appreciate you!

You’ve Identified Your Strengths as an Autism Mom. Now What?

Everyone has a variety of strengths. Some strengths we are aware of. Other strengths have yet to be discovered.

One key sign that it is a strength is that it gives you energy. In my example of how I used my strength of courage at the carnival in episode 36, I was scared. At the same time, I was excited because I knew this was something my son and I could overcome together.

Autism parents often fear what it will be like for their child once they are gone. This event was a way to prepare my son for the future.

Life is scary at times, but I wanted him to know that he can do hard things. My strength of courage was driving that lesson.

We have some level of awareness of certain strengths. I gained some awareness of my strength of courage when I tried out for cheerleading in Junior High. It was enlightening, but it was only the beginning.

It took years to grow this strength. I thought it was fluke for the longest time and that I would not likely go out of my comfort zone like that again. Sometimes you must learn more about yourself in the process. Then, growth occurs.

How Do Moms Grow Their Strengths to Thrive in Their Autism Journey

You must get out of your own way! We often detour ourselves from success or moving forward. It is not uncommon to be the barrier to your own success early in the growth process.

It is important to recognize when this occurs. Going to college was a huge courageous venture for me. I came from poverty and a single parent home. I was one of the first to get a college degree in my family. I wasn’t exactly identified as an achiever when I was in school.

Being courageous doesn’t always mean you achieve your goal. There were plenty of times I failed to achieve a goal in high school.

It wasn’t until college that I had my next big win. It wasn’t easy. There were challenges along the way, such as my mom having open heart surgery. I had to study for a death and dying final while she was in surgery. I barely passed that required course.

How Moms Increase Their Awareness of Potential Strengths and Move to the Next Level in Their Autism Journey

Let’s all do a quick assessment together.

What gives you energy?

Did it help you through difficult times?

It doesn’t matter if you crushed it or barely made it through the situation.

What are some potential strengths you are becoming more aware of?

Make a list and keep it handy! Awareness is the first step to identifying strengths. It takes time to grow your strengths.

Here are three ways to challenge yourself to grow in these newly identified areas.

1) Be aware!

Like I said, awareness is the first step.

2) Be

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Hi Moms! In the last episode, I started with this question. “Are you the same person you were before you had an autistic child?” Now I want you to consider another question. Are you the same person 10 or 20 years ago?

You all know that I am an older mom. I did not have my son until I was 41. Still, I am a different person with every passing decade. That is how life works, right?

It is a beautiful thing. But I still wish I knew then what I know now. That’s okay because I know I will continue to grow throughout the lifespan. So 10 years from now, I’m going to be much different and stronger.

I have explored the concept of Growth Mindset in numerous past episodes. Check out those episodes directly at https://thrivingmomsofautistics.com/category/growth-mindset/ the link I provided in the transcript or at www.thrivingmomsofautistics.com. Scroll down to the bottom and click Growth Mindset under the topic section.

In this episode, I explore how growth can change an autism journey for a mom.

Find the full transcript for this episode at www.thrivingmomsofautistics.com/37

Please share the podcast with other moms to help them grow in their autism journey. You can also do this by leaving a review on Apple Podcasts. I appreciate you!

How Moms Can evaluating Their Autism Journey

Everyone listening is in a different place. If you recently started your journey and received the diagnosis, I am so happy you are listening. I started Thriving Moms of Autistics to help moms know they are not alone in this process and that there is hope.

You might be along in your journey. I celebrate how far you have come and how far you will go. Keep moving forward. You are not alone mama!

I celebrate all the moms listening! Thank you for allowing me on your journey where you are and as you grow.

Stop for a moment and consider where you are in your journey. Now think about where you want to be. Do you feel like that isn’t possible? I believe in you! I believe you are capable, but I also know it takes time. Human beings in general like to achieve it now, but that is not realistic. Be patient with yourself!

I know that feeling that I might not achieve a goal or feel like I am not enough. I used to feel that way a lot when I was younger, especially. I have grown quite a bit along the way. When I had my son, I started to have those same questions again. It triggered some uncertainty in myself.

I am a tenacious one. I don’t like to be told I can’t or that I won’t. That fuels me to achieve. Remember that we are not all the same. That is okay. We are fueled in different ways, but we are all amazing in our own right!

When I started college, I had a lot to prove. Part of that was because I wasn’t supposed to go to college according to my peers. I wasn’t the most studious and focused. People brushed me off as an achiever as a result. Nor did I come from a mid to high income two parent home, which was an indicator for college success at that time.

When many of my friends were graduating college and getting married, others were already married with children. Once again, I was the outlier. I have used that to fuel my success in life. That was a turning point.

My progress allowed me to start believing in myself. For years, I was uncertain of myself and fighting against the odds. Then, I found my way.

After being married to my work for years, I found my soul mate and we had a child that doctors said I would never have. When we got his diagnosis at age 2, I became uncertain again. My faith is another variable that fuels me.

The point is that you will have ups and downs in life. You will take steps back but that

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Hi Moms! Are you the same person you were before you had an autistic child? Of course not! However, there might be parts of your strengths that you developed after having your child.

Developing parts of ourselves over time is normal. I am not the same person I was in my 20’s and that had nothing to do with having a child. It is part of normal adult development over the life span.

I am talking about innate strengths within us that we never knew we had before after having an autistic. In fact, there are still strengths within yourself, you might not be aware of still.

I have explored the concept of one’s strengths in numerous past episodes. Check out those episodes directly at https://thrivingmomsofautistics.com/category/uncover-your-strengths/ the link I provided in the transcript or at www.thrivingmomsofautistics.com. Scroll down to the bottom and click Uncover Your Strengths under the topic section.

In this episode, I explore the power of recognizing and using your strengths to overcome significant challenges in your autism journey. This is a deal breaker and can make your life so much easier.

Find the full transcript for this episode at www.thrivingmomsofautistics.com/36

Please share the podcast with other moms to help them grow in their autism journey. You can also do this by leaving a review on Apple Podcasts. I appreciate you!

How Developing Your Strengths Can Change Everything as a Mom of an Autistic

Life is challenging for all of us no matter where we come from or our situation. My friend used to sigh and say, “Such as life!” And she was right!

I have overcome many things in life from poverty to loss and from perfectionism to self-doubt even. Life is hard. No one is immune. We aren’t promised a perfect life. It does not exist. But there are some things that can make it a bit easier.

This is where your strengths come in. Notice I mentioned self-doubt? My innate strengths helped me to overcome that. It took a while because I did not recognize many of my strengths for some time.

Remember, we all have strengths. Although we might recognize some, we might not be aware of many of them. Enter.. Dr. Wilson!

Recognizing my strengths was the first step. This is something I work with mom on 1:1 in my Thriving Moms of Autistics VIP Program. Check out Work with Christina on the Thriving Moms of Autistics website if that is something that interests you.

I love helping moms be the best they can be. We all deserve that! When you believe it, you can achieve it! As moms, we get stuck in our own heads. Knowing your innate strengths can help you move from discrediting yourself to believing in yourself. That is powerful!

How Your Strengths Can Help You Evolve as a Mom of an Autistic

I mentioned that I have overcome a lot of obstacles in life. I had a hard time believing in myself early on. As I learned more about my strengths and how to use them that changed.

Growing up, I often believed that I couldn’t do certain things because I was told that I couldn’t. The thing is, is that I had it within me all along to achieve what I was told I could not. Let’s just say that I showed a lot of unbelieving people.

Recently, my family met up with one of my best friends and her family from my supportive autism community. We went to a carnival in our town for the holiday. Every year is different because our kids are still developing. It is always fun to see them do new things.

I love that we have sons close in age that are autistic, who encourage one another. It is such a beautiful friendship.

My son loves

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Hi Moms! Can you do it all yourself? Sometimes, it feels like you must. It is hard to find someone else who gets it.

I know it was like that for us for the longest time. I want to make clear that there are amazing people in our lives that try to understand.

But it is hard to “truly” know unless you have had that experience as a parent dealing with special needs. However, we absolutely appreciate those who do their best.

Our children go through developmental phases. In the earlier stages, we are more likely to feel like we can do it alone.

Once they start to get older, challenges occur. We think we do not have to deal with that for a while, until the time comes. It sneaks up on you like a thief in the night.

The transition to adolescence is huge for all of us. I still have a couple of years before that, but my friends are there now.

Adolescence is not the time to wish you had community! The time to develop community is now when they are younger.

However, if you have an adolescent, there is no time like the present. You can do it!

I have explored the concept of community in numerous past episodes. Check out those episodes at www.thrivingmomsofautistics.com. Scroll down to the bottom and click Creating Community under the topic section.

In this episode, I explore what happens if you neglect having a community.

Find the full transcript for this episode at www.thrivingmomsofautistics.com/35

Please share the podcast with other moms to help them grow in their autism journey. You can also do this by leaving a review on Apple Podcasts. I appreciate you!

The Benefits of Having a Supportive Community as a Mom of an Autistic

I have mentioned before how different my life was before I developed a supportive community. I define community as being around those who have experience with special needs. It might be someone raising their own child with autism or someone who provides treatment or services to others with special needs.

I must say that those who devote their lives to others serving special needs are true gems. I’ve been a therapist for close to 30 years, I never truly got it until I had my own child late in life with special needs. However, I had great empathy and was blessed to grow up around family members with special needs children.

I believe I was being prepared for the greatest role of my life. I believe that God has a plan for all of us. That is just my personal belief.

I have shared my personal story in earlier episodes. I love looking back and thinking wow! It is amazing how that unfolded.

I was about to graduate from high school my senior year when I heard of “autism” for the first time. Technically, it wasn’t the first time. My mom said that I watched a movie about autism when I was about 5 or 6 years old and was so intrigued that I watched the whole movie. Isn’t that something?

A librarian suggested autism as my topic for my senior report and that changed everything. I loved learning about autism and could not stop researching the topic once I was in college that Fall.

I connected with autism on a deep level. I was stunned at the time because it sounded very familiar to me. It couldn’t be, right? I did not meet the DSM criteria at the time. I talked and walked on time after all.

It wasn’t until they revised the DSM criteria in the 5th edition of the DSM that I realized, they were talking about me and many others that had not met criteria until now.

I went through life knowing I was different from most people. I had to learn to communicate with others growing up in the most unconventional ways. I learned so much watching movies. Seriously! I learned to communicate through watching others in movi

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Hi Moms! It is such a privilege to meet with you every week to explore those aspects of life we share as moms of autistics. I love research exploring to find new ways to help you be the best mom you can be.

Not only do I read the research, but I also test it out myself. Thriving Moms of Autistics was built on the foundation of research and experience. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for bringing me on your autism journey.

I am a big believer in how mom strengths can make a difference. In general, moms have some amazing resources within themselves to work with that they might not even be aware of.

Your strengths are core ingredients for change. I have noticed this in my own journey and the journey of fellow moms consistently.

I am working on a recipe for developing your strengths as a mom that will impact your relationship with your child and foster growth within yourself as a result.

I have explored the concept of mom strengths in numerous past episodes, especially the importance of identifying and using your strengths to achieve optimal well-being. Check out those episodes at www.thrivingmomsofautistics.com. Scroll down to the bottom and click Uncover Your Strengths under the topic section.

In this episode, I explore some of the ingredients needed for developing mom strengths that will start your personal growth journey and nurture your relationship with your autistic child.

Find the full transcript for this episode at www.thrivingmomsofautistics.com/34

Please share the podcast with other moms to help them grow in their autism journey. You can also do this by leaving a review on Apple Podcasts. I appreciate you!

Moms Strengths Are Individualized and Not One Size Fits All

This means that you must look within yourself to find your personal strengths. That is where you start! YOU!

In episode 5, I designed a mini assessment to get you thinking about your strengths. You might start there. We often have trouble identifying the positive aspects of ourselves but have no trouble finding what is wrong, right?

If we are realistic, there will always be things to improve about ourselves. That is normal. This is where your innate strengths come in. Our strengths help us facilitate growth like water does for plants. It’s that important. Or like chicken nuggets for our kids. You know what I’m talking about!

This is why strengths are the main ingredient for positive change. Awareness is another important ingredient. Afterall, bread needs yeast to rise. You must increase your awareness in order to use the strengths you have. See how that works?

Additional Ingredients Needed to Foster Change in Your Autism Journey

To foster positive change in your autism journey, your strengths are key. We’ve established that you must increase your self-awareness for that to work.

So, what other ingredients are necessary? It helps to be surrounded by like-minded individuals. That means forming a community of people who get autism.

I was shocked by the difference of my before and after once I gained my supportive community. It makes such a difference.

I’ve talked about this in many previous episodes, which found under the topic Create Community on www.thrivingmomsofautistics.com.

Think about this for a minute. Our beliefs are shaped by those around us. If someone tells you you’re a bad mom, shows you no grace, and doesn’t support you as a mom of an autistic, they are hindering your journey and tearing you down. That impacts you and your child.

Another important ingredient is mindset. Your mind is a great tool for growth. You can be your worst

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Hi Moms! As moms, we invest much of our time into our autistic child. They have additional needs that must be met. It is much different than parenting a neurotypical child.

This can put a strain on moms and increases their “mom load” in a variety of ways. So how do you manage your mom load effectively as a mom of an autistic?

I have explored the concept of mom strengths in numerous past episodes and have explored the importance of identifying and using your strengths to achieve optimal well-being. Check out these episodes at http://thrivingmomsofautistics.com/. Scroll down to the bottom and click Uncover Your Strengths under the topic section.

In this episode, I explore the impact on you and your child when you notice and nurture the best in yourself as a mom. What a difference it makes!

Find the full transcript for this episode at www.thrivingmomsofautistics.com/33

Please share the podcast with other moms to help them grow in their autism journey. You can also do this by leaving a review on Apple Podcasts. I appreciate you!

Sometimes Moms of Autistics Feel Like They Have More Weaknesses than Strengths

As I have mentioned in previous episodes, identifying weaknesses is easy. Strengths are much more difficult.

Raising an autistic can be one of the most challenging yet most rewarding things you will ever do as a mom. As a result of the many challenges, moms tell themselves they aren’t enough and second guess themselves. Unfortunately, this is common.

It is easy to get sucked into that style of thinking, especially during difficult times. If we say something is true enough times, we come to believe it to be true even if it is not. Beliefs are that powerful.

3 Ways Moms of Autistics Are Impacted by Focusing on Weaknesses Rather Than Strengths

1) When moms only focus on their weaknesses, they miss everything else because they narrow their focus and become less aware. They cannot see the forest for the trees.

2) Moms become less productive. Focusing on the negative does not elicit functionality. Negative thinking draws you into a vortex of darkness and nothing good comes from it.

3) Moms become less confident in their abilities as a mom. Focusing solely on weaknesses draws away from strengths and leads to decreased awareness and growth. Remember that awareness is at the center of just about everything.

Autism Moms Must Shift from Weaknesses to Strengths Leading to Growth

Moms don’t have supervisors. They are in charge, which means that they have to take the lead when it comes to self-change AND taking care of everything else around them. That’s a lot!

Did you notice the hidden message there? When moms engage in positive change, their children notice. Adler and Dreikurs believed that noticing is encouraging, which is much more valuable than praise. Praise has to be earned and inevitably leads to confusion. Encouragement is a gift.

Our kids don’t miss a thing. They are sponges.

As moms, our personal change fosters positive change in our kids. This also ties into the social learning theory, which proposes that behaviors are shaped through imitation.

3 Benefits of Knowing and Growing Your Strengths as a Mom of An Autistic

1) Maximizing your strengths as a mom can help you grow and be your best. As a result, you will deal with challenges with more ease and minimize stress.

2) Focusing on your strengths builds your wellbeing rather than tearing yourself down and destroying it. You can’t grow in the darkness, right? You need light for that.

3) It improves the connection between you and your child. You both

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Hi Moms! When I started my training in the field of psychology 30 years ago, things were so different. We knew very little about autism in comparison to now. 

Even though, it had been around for decades. Increased research has led to increased knowledge. This influenced our understanding and improved diagnostic tools, which changed the diagnostic criteria for the DSM 5.

As a result, the numbers of autistics have grown. That means that the number of moms of autistics has too. So why are we as a group so isolated? 

I have explored the concept of community in numerous past episodes and have made a compelling argument for the importance of a support system. Check out those episodes at http://thrivingmomsofautistics.com/. Scroll down to the bottom and click Create Community under the topic section. 

In this episode, I explore “mom isolation” and support the argument for support and establish ways to build your community. 

Find the full transcript for this episode at www.thrivingmomsofautistics.com/32

Please share the podcast with other moms to help them grow in their autism journey. You can also do this by leaving a review on Apple Podcasts. I appreciate you!

The Isolation Experienced by Moms of Autistics 

I am an only child. I grew up with minimal resources. We were isolated to the country and my mom worked several jobs. Therefore, I stayed home most of the time unless I was at school. There was no social media back then. As a result, I seemed pretty comfortable being alone. That’s all I knew.

As an adult, I was married to my career for years. I met my husband and got married at 40. We had our son soon after. 

The three of us were perfectly happy in our little bubble for the first few years until we experienced significant life events and realized we could no longer do it alone. 

I have experienced both a minimal community and a solid community. I can say that I choose a solid community every time. Every time!

The Impact of Isolation on Moms of Autistics 

We were blessed with my background in child and family psychology. Most people don’t have that. However, it can only take you so far. The older an autistic child gets, the more challenging behaviors present. No one is exempt. 

We learned quite a bit about the impact of isolation during the Covid Pandemic. Human beings have always been impacted by isolation. We weren’t meant to be totally alone. The historical themes are well documented in poetry and literature.  

Research shows that loneliness is associated with increased rates of anxiety, depression, and suicide. There are numerous challenges related to physical, psychological, and overall well-being.

How Moms of Autistics Can Shift from Isolation and Develop a Supportive Community 

Everyone has community unless you live alone with your child in a town of two. One’s community can be positively or negatively influenced. 

Community includes family, friends, schools, therapy and medical providers, faith-based groups, and so much more. The challenge is finding the right community for you that will support your needs. 

My community started out with providers, neurotypical church members, and friends and family, who lived out of state. My current community has evolved to sports teams adapted to meet my child’s needs, a church with a special need’s ministry, group of close friends with children with special needs, and others willing to learn about autism. 

Over the weekend, I got together with my group of friends and their amazing children to celebrate my son’s birthday. We have them over to the house to eat, swim, and for sensory fun as often as we can. 

Our home is judgment free. The only rule is to feel free to be who you are

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Hi Moms! When you are overwhelmed, it is hard to shift your thinking away from your to-do list or whatever is stirring at the moment. BUT it is possible even if it takes a hot minute to make it happen.

In episode 30, I explored staying calm as you climb the many mountains in life as an autism mom. Also, I looked at incorporating new events with your child and managing stress around that.

In this episode, I share some mom hacks to help decrease stress and keep you at your best because you deserve it!

Find the full transcript for this episode at www.thrivingmomsofautistics.com/31

Please share the podcast with other moms to help them grow in their autism journey. You can also do this by leaving a review on Apple Podcasts. I appreciate you!

When Moms of Autistics Shift Their Thinking to Alleviate Stress

As moms of autistics, we are constantly going whether it is physically or mentally. Most days, I feel like I am going 100 mph. People ask how I manage everything on my plate. I am thankful to have a platform to share my mom hacks with other moms to lighten their load!

There are various ways to alleviate stress. One way is to flip the script. If we continuously say or think we can’t handle something, we won’t. Words are powerful!

Unconditional Positive Regard is a popular theory in the field of counseling. An example would be loving your child regardless of their behavior.

We show unconditional positive regard to others. Why can’t we do this for ourselves? We are so hard on ourselves when things go wrong. We beat ourselves up.

So flip the script! Yes, this did not go as I had hoped, but there is always the next time. I can learn from this and do better in the future. This is a great self-care hack. Grow your mindset!

Autism Moms Can Alleviate Stress When They Choose to be Proactive.

Our thoughts and actions matter. We’ve established that mistakes will be made. That is life. It is what you do next that matters the most. Choose to grow from these situations and show yourself some grace.

There are many steps or actions you can take regarding self-care. In episode 3, I shared one of my favorite mom hacks to help when you feel completely overwhelmed. I break down the steps to engage in breathing techniques designed to calm you down in high stress situations, which brings your body back to homeostasis. If you haven’t yet, please check that episode out.

In episode 30, I briefly introduced guided imagery and progressive muscle relaxation. Progressive muscle relaxation helps to release the tension in your body.

When I am stressed, I tense up my muscles throughout my body. I also grind my teeth at night to the point where I grind holes in my Invisalign. This is especially hard on my body because I have Fibromyalgia.

Progressive muscle relaxation starts with your head and works the various muscle groups down to your toes. I recommend having a discussion with your doctor to see if it is a good fit for you. They might have some handouts on how to use the technique. There are many books and websites that walk you through the technique as well.

I love guided imagery because it is so calming. One uses their senses and imagination to foster a calming effect. It involves positive scenarios and visualizations in your mind and has many benefits, such as lowering blood pressure and stress. Just like progressive muscle relaxation, there are many books, podcasts, and websites that provide guided imagery. I really like the ones on YouTube.

You can check out a variety of examples for each and place the ones that work best for you in your mom toolbox. Keep them handy!

Remember that everyone is different. S

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Hi Moms! When your child was first diagnosed, you had a million questions and a million more fears and what ifs. The fear of the unknown is strong during this time.

As your child and their development grows, you consider new possibilities. In this episode, I explore the importance of self-care when you are entering a new territory with your child.

Find the full transcript for this episode at www.thrivingmomsofautistics.com/30

Please share the podcast with other moms to help them grow in their autism journey. You can also do this by leaving a review on Apple Podcasts. I appreciate you!

When Moms of Autistics Shift Their Thinking from Impossible to Possible

As moms of autistics, our dreams for our child change with the diagnosis. We come to accept that there will be experiences that we will not likely have with our child.

As time goes on, many of our original questions are answered. We learn this through trial and error throughout the development process. We start to see what the future holds.

This can be a bit overwhelming, but you were made for this mama! I truly believe that.

Emotions and the Fear Can Weigh Heavily on Moms Autism Moms

This is completely normal for all of us. Please do not beat yourself up over this. It is a very human experience to fear the unknown.

You are not weak. In fact, moms of autistics are incredibly courageous and gritty!

Nevertheless, those emotions will be present along the way. In previous episodes, I explored how anxiety impacts mom’s body and mind. Find episodes related to this topic at http://www.thrivingmomsofautistics.com for more. Click Self-Care & Boundaries under topics.

In previous episodes, I gave you a variety of ways to deal with stress and anxiety. In this episode, I relate this to milestones and events you thought might not be possible.

Scary Milestones that Moms of Autistics Are Unsure About

We live in Indianapolis and can hear the cars practicing for the Indy 500 every year. It is an exciting time in Indy.

Our son loves cars, racing, and measuring distances. He does not love noise. Nor does he assess danger well. Crowds and traffic are barriers to his safety.

Attending events at the track was just a dream for us for years. We did not expect it to ever become a reality. Until it did.

My husbands said, “Let’s go to Carb Day this year!” I looked at him like he had three heads. I reluctantly said yes. I didn’t think he was serious, but he was.

I am all about planning ahead in all things in life. Yes, I am one of those. This is a good trait to have as an autism mama.

I alerted his BCBA to get a social story together and assess the pros and cons of attending. I am that mom that nails down every aspect beforehand. But I had been slammed in the last two weeks.

It turns out that being a mom of an autistic is a lot of work. Throw in daily life tasks and work and you have the perfect storm. That is our normal, right?!

I gathered all the sensory goodies, headphones, water, and sunscreen. One ball I dropped was to do a full assessment of parking lots and call ahead to alert them we were coming to get a full analysis of what to expect as an autism family. I like to know what they have to offer families like ours.

The day of, I was a hot mess because I did not do this. It was not like me, but I am not perfect. I have a lot of ducks in a row, but I am still a human being. I could not let him sense my anxiety. We had a meeting that morning with his BCBA before we left for the event, so I worked out the kinks of my nervousness.

It worked out beautifully. When the cars got too loud, he asked for a break, and we went to

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Hi Moms! All autistics have individualized needs. Raising an autistic child is not one size fits all. All children are different. However, there is a common thread for moms that can lead to their success.

In this episode, I explore a hack for moms of autistics that can make their lives easier across the board. You will be thriving before you know it. The key is to practice and grow your new Jedi mom skill/hack.

Find the full transcript for this episode at www.thrivingmomsofautistics.com/29

Please share the podcast with other moms to help them grow in their autism journey. You can also do this by leaving a review on Apple Podcasts. I appreciate you!

Can moms overcome the challenges of raising an autistic?

As moms of autistics, we are presented with daily challenges that other parents don’t experience on the same level.

I keep in mind that autism is a neurological condition that involves all of one’s senses creating a difference in how they experience the world. That is an ongoing challenge that our child experiences all day every day.

Moms can make a difference in their child’s world and in their own experiences as moms by creating flexibility. Being flexible makes a difference for both mother and child. That is a beautiful thing for all involved. It can create a ripple effect for those around us as well.

Before I had my son, I was much less flexible in my thinking in general. I like rules and for things to play out and stay on course.

I was always flexible with the families I worked with, but not with myself. I was a perfectionist and would rarely show myself some grace. My life is so different now. I want that for you too.

What is the key ingredient for moms of autistics to have to become more flexible?

Mindset is at the center of flexibility. There are different types of mindsets but one is the key ingredient to success in life.

For more episodes on the topic of mindset, go to www.thrivingmomsofautistics.com under “Growth Mindset” for a list of episodes. You’ll be glad you did.

Some believe that being flexible is a weakness and it does not allow one to stand up for their own needs. The term flexible is defined as bending easily without breaking.

When moms are flexible, they are making a conscious decision to respond in a way that creates a means for transition for their child that alleviates some of their child’s anxiety. And it makes their child feel heard.

It makes a difference when someone is willing to meet you halfway, right? In addition to helping your child, it helps your well-being by not falling into those parenting traps of resistance that increase your child’s negative behaviors.

That is the big take away from this episode!

How Do Moms of Autistics Achieve the Flexibility Needed to Grow Their Mindsets?

Step 1: You must be willing to change your mind. We all have choices in life. We can choose one path over another. It comes down to the decisions we make.

Step 2: Recognize that the power for change lies within you. When you are mindful of your response to your child, you can choose to respond differently to them, which creates a more positive outcome.

I often say that change starts with me. That is true for all of us. Our child still has control of their own actions but tends to respond more positively when encountered with a flexible mom.

Step 3: Learn from past mistakes. Give yourself permission to be imperfect. This means that you give yourself some grace and recognize what you might do differently next time and implement that change in the future.

Why is Flexibility Important for Moms of Autistics?

It makes life easier, and your healthy mindset rubs off on your

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Hi Moms! I hope you all had a wonderful Mother’s Day. Raising any child can be stressful.

It is one thing to wonder if your child is making friends, being bullied, or trying to figure out how to get them to all their therapy appointments. Throw in constant safety concerns and IEP meetings and you end up in fight or flight mode. You know exactly what I mean!

In this episode, I talk about the levels of stress moms of autistics experience, the impact it has on our minds and bodies, and how to combat stressors and start thriving.

Perhaps you have been thriving, but an event has thrown you for a loop. That’s okay. You can reset and get back to thriving.

Find the full transcript for this episode at www.thrivingmomsofautistics.com/28

For more episodes like this one, go to www.thrivingmomsofautistics.com under “Self-Care & Boundaries” for a list of episodes related to this topic.

Please share the podcast with other moms to help them grow in their autism journey. You can also do this by leaving a review on Apple Podcasts. I appreciate you!

The Impact of Stress on Moms of Autistics

In Episode 3, I talked about why raising an autistic is so stressful. The list was pretty long. As moms of autistics, we share many of those concerns and probably have some extras.

In the short-term, we experience some very uncomfortable symptoms of stress, such as panic, nightmares, rapid heartbeat, rising blood pressure, headaches, muscle aches, and digestive issues.

Over time, we can develop hypertension, stroke, and even heart attack. Stress is hard on our bodies and can be deadly. It is hard on our minds as well.

We can develop cognitive issues and become forgetful and foggy. Some individuals experience panic attacks, anxiety, or depression.

In Episode 6, I offer a mom hack to deal with stress. Check that out if you haven’t already. Ultimately, awareness is key. Learn to listen to your body and be aware of your greatest stressors so you can act.

What happens if you do not counteract stress as a mom of an autistic?

As mentioned, stress can have serious consequences for your mind and body. It is easy to get caught up in your busy life and think, “Oh, those things won’t happen to me!” Until it does.

All moms of autistics want to be there for their child as long as they possibly can. You have some control over that. Being proactive with inevitable stressors is a great start!

Last week, the big take away from Episode 27 was that when you engage in self-care, you are giving back to your child and modeling healthy behavior. As a result, you are better prepared to give them what they need. This is your WHY!

I have a confession to make. I am not perfect. I don’t have all the answers all the time. And I get stressed out too. It’s my imperfection and experience that allow me to support you with this podcast. I have been there and get it. I need a reset once in a while too.

Recently, our local special needs community was turned upside down. We are all still trying to wrap our minds around it and are trying to deal with it.

Our children are supposed to be safe when they go to school. It is traumatic when an educator allegedly does the unthinkable to our children and allegedly abuses them in front of the class creating a ripple effect on the children involved.

I am angry. I am sad. I am disgusted. I know other special education teachers in the area that are amazing. They are struggling too. They love our children like their own and are struggling to understand how this could ha

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Hi Moms! I went to a retreat over the weekend for moms of children with special needs and thought what a perfect time to talk about self-care.

I was surrounded by moms just like me that were pinching themselves because they don’t do things like this. Many have never been away from their children. Sound familiar?

In this episode, I talk about how engaging in self-care can change your path for the better and make challenging times less difficult.

Find the full transcript for this episode at https://thrivingmomsofautistics.com/27

For more episodes like this one, go to www.thrivingmomsofautistics.com under “Self-Care & Boundaries” for a list of episodes related to this topic.

Please share the podcast with other moms to help them grow in their autism journey. You can also do this by leaving a review on Apple Podcasts. I appreciate you!

Why is self-care critical for moms of autistics?

When was the last time you did something for yourself? Yep! I know what you’re thinking. Is it even possible to take time out for yourself? Absolutely! You can do small things during the day to contribute to your own self-care.

Always remember this … When you engage in self-care, you are giving back to your child and modeling healthy behavior. That is the big take away from this episode. It’s the aha moment!

The number one ingredient for engaging in self-care as an autism mom.

All moms struggle with doing things for themselves. Our children have needs that require a lot of time and energy. Therefore, it takes creativity. Moms of autistics are some of the most creative people I have ever met.

One of my new friends from the retreat said that she sets an alarm on her phone as a reminder for a self-check-in. That is important, especially when you are going 100 miles an hour all the time.

Take a moment to be in the present and center yourself. When your mind wanders away to the negative, give yourself permission to bring it back to the present and be in the moment. Your mind will wander. It is inevitable. Show yourself some grace.

What does self-care look like for a mom of an autistic?

Autism moms do not have extra time in general. It is hard enough to a bathroom break. How can you create small moments in your day for self-care?

At the retreat, we started our day with yoga and meditation. It was such a gift to release that tension. What if you could do that at home on a regular basis? Why not?

Amazon Prime and YouTube have free 15-minute videos. No gym membership needed! I invite my son and the dog to do it with me. The beautiful thing about stretching and yoga is that you can meet yourself where you are at. You don’t have to be an expert or over-do it.

Later in the day, we took a nature walk together. Sometimes, I do that at home with my son too. He’s a runner so I have to watch him and be prepared. It’s nice for us to get some fresh air. You can do this alone when your child is at ABA or school.

Sometimes it’s good to invite your child in for some self-care and self-regulation. It teaches them the importance of setting time aside for self-care.

Maybe it is doing breathing exercises with your child at bedtime to wind down and improve sleep for both of you. YouTube has great music for meditation. It is so calming. In episode 3, I walk you through how to do breathing exercises. Check it out if you haven’t already.

In addition, we practiced guided-imagery and progressive muscle relaxation. We must sleep sometime, right? Try these things at bedtime. The alternative is staying awake and thinking about things you have no control over.

The weekend mom’s retreat was a blessing. You might not be in a position to

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Hi Moms! We’ve been talking about developing a supportive community. Building your support system can be challenging for many reasons. Check out Episode 20 to further explore the barriers or go to www.thrivingmomsofautistics.com under “Create Community” for a list of episodes related to this topic.

In this episode, we explore what happens when someone in your supportive community lets you down.

Find the full transcript for this episode at https://thrivingmomsofautistics.com/25

Please share the podcast with other moms to help them grow in their autism journey. You can also do this by leaving a review on Apple Podcasts. I appreciate you!

What can you do to build the perfect supportive community as a mom of an autistic?

I have had my supportive community for a few years now. It has stayed pretty steady, which I am thankful for.

I think of what it was like before we had a greater supportive community in place. I am amazed at how different it is now.

Does that mean it is perfect? No! There is no such thing as perfect. If you think you will be surrounded like a fortress by your supportive community and nothing will go wrong, you’re not being realistic.

Life is not a Hallmark movie.

We have been let down by people we allowed in that have shown us that they aren’t willing to do what’s best for our child. We have made hard choices as a result. We don’t give them the opportunity to negatively influence our child when it is obvious, they are not a good fit.

If it is one of those situations where a friend or family member is a pot stirrer, you can monitor those rare situations you are together and have an exit plan if red flags arise.

Maya Angelo once said, “When someone shows you who they are, believe them.”

When friends or family fail to support your autism journey

This is hard! Do you cut these people completely out of your life? Not necessarily. Sometimes, it takes individuals longer to understand autism. We all learn differently and are influenced by our own experiences in life. That’s okay.

If someone is abusive, that is completely different. We are all expected to do what you can to protect your child from this. Abusive people should not have access to any child.

I remember as a five-year-old, traveling with my mother on a Greyhound Bus from Florida to Illinois leaving my dad behind. I remember the vivid colors and the smells like it was just yesterday. My mom said it was a new adventure. I am thankful she was able to do that safely. My life would have been so different had she not done that.

I am only sharing my experience. I do not know your situation and will not tell you how to handle your situation. BUT, if you are struggling with something of a serious magnitude, I encourage you to get some help with this to safely transition away from it.

It is easier with friends than with family. I have friends that no longer come around. We just drifted apart over time. I know our children had less in common during those transitional periods of development.

People feel uncomfortable and are not sure how to respond. That is why it is good for our children to have experiences with children who are different. That is a good thing. Does it make me sad that people don’t try a little harder? Sure. I just choose to not take it personally.

When someone from your treatment community or child’s school fails to support your autism journey?

Everyone has different ideas of what their child’s education and treatment modality should look like. I am not here to tell you what your choices should be. I believe in you and respect your decision. You know what is best for your child. It

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Hi Moms! Early on in my autism journey, I felt alone and scared. My husband was on the journey with me, but we were floundering and trying to learn all we could. It was hard. 

I thought being a part of a mom group would help, but it didn’t. It hindered me in some ways because of their discomfort and inexperience with autism. They too were in denial. 

Many did their best to support me. I will forever appreciate them.  It was a learning experience for them too. 

Once I got my footing, I found other moms transitioning into the role of a mom of an autistic. My goal was to support them, so they knew they were not alone. 

In this episode, we explore grief experienced with the transition associated with the diagnosis and how to set yourself up for success by developing a supportive environment. 

Find the full transcript for this episode at https://thrivingmomsofautistics.com/25

Please share the podcast with other moms to help them grow in their autism journey. You can also do this by leaving a review on Apple Podcasts. I appreciate you!

Mom’s experiences at the onset of the autism diagnosis

I have interviewed many moms of autistics. Our journeys might not be the same, but we do have similarities that occur at the onset of the diagnosis. Grief!

Grief is a natural experience at this point in time because of fear of the unknown. Will my child be independent as an adult? Will my child ever talk? Will my child have friends or be able to hold a job? What will happen to my child when I die?

Eventually, we start thinking about our child having a best friend, dating, getting married, going to college, playing sports, or engaging in clubs, prom, etc. 

Then comes the will my child be a target for bullying or worse. 

It hits like a ton of bricks. The truth is that a child is usually diagnosed around 2 and the unknowns at that point at immense.

My heart in this very moment thinking about this is hurting for many moms going through this right now. Please, please, please know that YOU are not alone. Many of us are on this autism journey too. 

Grief can be powerful! Some move through it quicker than others. We are all different. It is easy to get stuck. The sooner you get unstuck, the sooner you can move on in your journey and flourish. Your child benefits from this as well.

Your life is forever changed, but it is not ending! Surrounding yourself with a positive, supportive autism community as a mom is key for future success.

One way to move forward is to surround yourself with like-minded individuals. This changes everything! 

Do you think it is impossible? Think again! I am an only child and my parents have passed on. I did not marry until I was 40. I was married to my career for years. I was used to doing things on my own and truly believed I could do this alone too. 

Check out previous episodes listed under “Create Community” at www.thrivingmomsofautistics.com to learn about my personal journey. It is quite a story. I am sure you can relate. 

How can you make what seems impossible possible as a mom of an autistic and grow your community?

I live in the city. There are many opportunities available to our family. We are blessed with treatment options and support. 

This is not the case for those who live in more rural settings or in countries that do not have options for treatment. 

I have seen firsthand what it is like in other countries. They have never heard of autism and do not understand why their loved one is experiencing this. It is devastating. 

Usually, there are no treatment centers. When there are, they have minimal resources to work with.

Waiting for your child to be evaluated is so painful. Getting answers sets

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Hi Moms! Life is full of ups and downs. It can be hard to navigate the waters of autism. Some days the waters are choppy, and it’s smooth sailing the next. Some days are a rolling mix!

I am with you mama! I get it! This is why I started this podcast and working with other moms.

In this episode, we explore that there will always be obstacles in life. So, how can you, what I call “ flip the switch” for growth rather than getting stuck during the hard times?

Find the full transcript for this episode at https://thrivingmomsofautistics.com/24

Please share the podcast with other moms to help them grow in their autism journey. You can also do this by leaving a review on Apple Podcasts. I appreciate you!

One of the biggest barriers to flipping the switch for moms of autistics

I noticed that when things are really hard, I have got in my own way in the past. I know, right! It has taken some practice, but I am much better at getting out of my own way now.

Another barrier is the lie we tell ourselves. When things get really hard, it is easy to feel so out of control. That is the big lie. There ARE plenty of things in our control. Here are some examples of how things are under our control.

1) Our Response to Others

Moms can control how they respond to others. This includes anticipating the best way to respond to your child during behaviors by understanding what likely led to the behavior. That can be hard, but it gets easier with practice.

Also, consider how you respond to negative people. You cannot control what they do, but you certainly can control yourself.

2) Help Others Understand Autism

In earlier episodes, I gave examples of how I responded to the judgment of others, who did not understand autism. Sometimes I use it as an educational opportunity. Other times, I choose to walk away if they are not in a place to hear me. You can navigate this and decide. I believe in you!

3) Ask for Help When you Need It

This takes a supportive community. You must have others you can rely on, who get it. I remember thinking I was fine on my own. That is a whole other episode. Check out my “Create Community” episodes at www.thrivingmomsofautistics.com.

4) Control Who is in Your Supportive Community

This one is hard because you might not be able to cut out the negative people from your life completely. You know what? That is okay! You can control their level of involvement. That is the point!

5) Choosing to Forgive & Move on

This is a hard one. Moving on is so important. I recognize the difficulty in forgiving at times. That does not mean that you allow someone to continually steal your joy or disrupt your autism journey. Forgiveness brings freedom.

6) Choose to be Your Best Self & Choose Kindness

Just because others are being nasty doesn’t mean that you have to be. My mama always said that it was best to hold my tongue because it can really hurt someone. She was so wise, and this is why.

Why would I choose to not hurt others, who have hurt me? It feels good at the moment, but I like to choose a more lasting approach that I can be proud of.

7) Making Wise Decisions

This really sums it all up. There is power in our choices. With practice and experience, we grow stronger. I was a therapist with over 20 years of experience when I started my autism journey with my son.

I still had a lot to learn as a mom. I choose to learn from my mistakes.

How can moms flip the switch for growth in their auti

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Hi Moms! Have you been flooded with ideas since your child’s diagnosis? Do you feel overwhelmed about how to channel all that energy?

In episode 5, I introduced the concept of mom strengths. We all have strength, but they can be difficult to identify. This is important because moms can use their personal strengths to grow significantly in their autism journey. I offered a mini assessment to get moms started on strength identification.

Episode 9 made the connection of how using one’s personal strengths can lead to a positive centered life. I explored the benefits of using one’s strengths in episode 15. In episode 16, I explored how to grow in your autism journey by using your innate talents and unique experiences.

In this episode, we consider the importance of using strengths to make things happen in your autism journey and increase productivity.

Find the full transcript for this episode at https://thrivingmomsofautistics.com/23

Please share the podcast with other moms to help them grow in their autism journey. You can also do this by leaving a review on Apple Podcasts.

How mom’s experience receiving a diagnosis of autism for their child

When a mom gets an autism diagnosis for her child, everything changes. Her fears and questions multiple. Her mind is going in a million different directions. So, what does she do with all that energy.

Here are some possibilities:

1. You can continue to marinate in this nervous energy and get stuck in why this is happening. Doing so stunts your growth and keeps you from moving forward. If you do not deal with this and change your strategies and gain support, you will continue to be stuck. Your child will as well and likely decline or fail to progress.

Perhaps, this was your experience. It happens. You can move forward at anytime in your journey. Maybe, the time to move forward is now. If so, that should be celebrated. Let go of the past. Keep moving forward!

1. You learn so much about yourself in this process. There is potential for it to change you for the better. We have the option of using our pain and fear in circumstances to rise from the ashes and learn from these overwhelming life experiences.

Life is about choices. Everyone moves forward in their own time. The point is that it is never too late.

How do moms move forward in their journey successfully?

There is no perfect calculation for this that suits all moms. All moms are different and unique. We must look within ourselves to find the right tools. This is where our unique talents come in or strengths.

In my experience, I took control of the situation fairly quickly and have found resources and tools to help my son. I had never considered myself a strong leader necessarily. His diagnosis gave me the opportunity to gain awareness of strengths I didn’t realize I had.

Consider your experience at the start of your autism journey. What awareness did you gain about yourself?

In my experience with interviewing moms, I have noticed the tendency to pick up all balls and run with them. It amazes me how tenacious moms of autistics can be.

I often hear that moms become case managers, speech therapists, teachers, and so on. Perhaps they were aware of their leadership qualities all along. However, it might be something that manifested itself along the way.

Achieving positive growth in our autism journey starts with identifying and understanding our strengths

When you experience energy during a task, pay attention to that. That is a sign that you are using one of your str

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Hi Moms! Do you feel like a failure as a mom? Do I have an episode for you!

Settle in with me in the next few minutes to dive deeper into what it really means to fail and what it really means to succeed. Are these concepts as different as you think?

Find the full transcript for this episode at https://thrivingmomsofautistics.com/22

Please share the podcast with other moms to help them grow in their autism journey. You can also do this by leaving a review on Apple Podcasts.

Mindset can change your autism journey for the better

I talk about mindset quite a bit. Our mindset is at the core of our beliefs about life and how we experience the world.

Carol Dwek has researched mindset for years. She talks about the power of yet. I love this concept!

Are you focused on now or future? There is so much emphasis on being present or here in the now. That is a completely different concept. I am referring to focusing on the outcome.

Let’s say that you are upset because you didn’t do well on a test. Does that mean you won’t reach your end goal of graduating? Of course not! That is just one grade or one test.

How easily are you able to move on from something like that? If it is a struggle, that might be a red flag that you might be suffering from perfectionism. I talk about this more in Episode 21.

Another example might be that you are having a hard day. Your child is struggling and you snap at them in frustration, which increases their negative behavior and anxiety level. Are you the worst mom ever? Of course not! THAT is just a moment in time.

My point is that failure is a moment in time and not the greater outcome. Dwek refers to failure as “not yet” because there is still a path for growth if you allow for it, that is.

Why not emphasize the “now” in your autism journey?

When we focus on “now,” we focus on the immediate outcome. If the imminent outcome is great, then wonderful! You got a high grade. You handled your child’s behavior well.

If it isn’t the outcome you had hoped for then think, “not yet,” which means there is room for future success.

I used to say that I kissed a lot of frogs before I met my husband. I learned something new from my previous relationships that prepared me for success with my husband.

Another example is Benjamin Franklin. He said, “I didn’t fail, I just found 100 ways to do it wrong.” He knew that something came from each so-called failure. Something WAS learned, so it wasn’t a missed opportunity.

Reimagining failure in your autism journey

In the beginning, I asked the question, “Do you feel like a failure as a mom?” We live in a society where people need affirmations to avoid falling apart. Moms of autistics don’t get a lot of validation or praise. People don’t always positively notice what we do and spend more time judging because they don’t understand.

Beliefs are powerful. I have ONE piece of advice.. Don’t get in your own way! Don’t be your biggest barrier to moving forward.

How do you do this? Here are some tips for using failure for success as an autism mom:

1. Notice Efforts
2. Notice Progress
3. Don’t be now focused. Be future focused or “not yet” when things don’t go as planned.

When I say notice, remember that noticing basically means encouraging. It goes a long way.

Big Idea from Episode 22:

Mindset can make difficult times worse OR get you through the hard times! Neural connectivity strengthens in the brain when we progress and learn! Growth is evidenced in brain studies. How exciting is that!

Plan for future growth as an autism mom

In the next week, consider how you have handled disappointments along the way in your autism journ

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Hi moms! What a great day to promote growth! I talk about this a lot because it is so important. I want that for you. YOU deserve to be at your best and find ways to not get stuck. It will help you in the inevitable hard times.

All human beings know hard times all too well. It doesn’t discriminate. For moms of autistics, we share unique challenges and recognize the highs and lows in our journey. You are not alone!

When I talk about being YOUR best, I am not referring to being THE best. The goal of being your best results in living a positive centered life, which I introduced in episode 2. In episode 4, I painted a picture of what growth looks like in your autism journey as a mom and offered a mini mindset quiz.

In episode 12, episode 18, and episode 19, I explore tips for growing mindset and associations with resiliency and grit.

In this episode, I explore the dangers of perfectionism and its impact on growing as a mom of an autistic.

Find the full transcript for this episode at https://thrivingmomsofautistics.com/21

Please share the podcast with other moms to help them grow in their autism journey. You can also do this by leaving a review on Apple Podcasts.

Are you an autism mom that tends to be a perfectionist?

Perfectionism is tied to personality. Our patterns of thoughts, feelings, and behaviors are connected to our personality traits.

Researchers have found that perfectionism is strongly associated with neuroticism and conscientiousness in regards to the Big Five personality traits.

What does it even mean to be a perfectionist?

Consider these statements:

1. I get upset when things don’t go as planned.
2. My standards couldn’t be too high.
3. I don’t want to be considered average.
4. I often think I should have done better.
5. I am disappointed in myself if I repeat a mistake.

Do any of these resonate?

Why is understanding perfectionism important for moms of autistics?

Perfectionism is thought to have some positive implications, but it is not without negative effects on many.

Our children, both neurotypical and neurodivergent, are little sponges. Their beliefs about the world partially come from us. They emulate us.

Perfectionism can have a negative impact on well-being and potentially worsen conditions, such as OCD, anxiety, ASD, and depression.

I am pretty sure I was a perfectionist in utero. The struggle is real. But I have come such a long way.

My son struggles when things don’t measure the way they should or turn out a certain way. I mean it is a struggle. I have to be mindful of how I model life, so he learns that life is full of learning opportunities and it is okay to make mistakes along the way.

How do moms of autistics transition away from perfectionism?

First, you must consider your mindset. Start with questioning what drives you.

If you are driven by being THE best rather than being YOUR best, that is likely a problem. THE best implies perfection. Your best meets you where you are at.

For example, I used to be afraid to fail. Now, I embrace what I call learning opportunities. I haven’t failed. There is always something to learn.

Not only do I see the difference, but I feel the difference. This shift in mindset has had a significant impact on my well-being.

Here are 3 ways to shift your mindset for growth as a mom of an autistic:

1. Control the narrative by catching and changing stinkin

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Hi moms! As we continue to explore community, I want to take a minute to let all you listeners know how much I appreciate you. I recently realized that the Thriving Moms of Autistics listening community has reached places all around the world beyond the United States.

My heart could not be happier that you all are a part of it. This is my why! You are not alone. Thank you for listening!

As moms of autistics, gaining community is a process. It might start with finding a podcast or blog and develop from there. Knowing that there are people out there, who get it is so meaningful. Finding people to be directly a part of your group is powerful.

In episode 19, I helped you assess what your current community looks like. In this episode, I look at barriers and help you establish characteristics that are important for you to have in others who join your community.

Find the full transcript for this episode at https://thrivingmomsofautistics.com/20

Please share the podcast with other moms to help them grow their supportive community. You can also do this by leaving a review on Apple Podcasts.

What keeps an autism mom from discovering their supportive community?

We recently explored how it can feel almost impossible to develop a solid support system. Remember, there is no perfect calculation for this. It is solely based on individual needs.

There are many hurdles for moms, who wish to surround themselves with others for support. It can be hard to find the right people.

1. Time -One barrier to achieving this is time. You might work and care for your family. You might stay home and care for your family.

Either way, your time is limited and filled with daily endeavors that must be accomplished. Your plate is quite full. When something is important, you make time for it, right? This is no different.

1. Age -The second is age. You might be a very young mother. Your peers haven’t quite settled down yet, but you are ahead of the game. Your interests are different from those your age.

On the other side of the spectrum, you might be an older mom. I had my son at 41. My friend’s kids were having kids. I had very little in common with most moms in their 20’s.

Now that my supportive community is in place, I have support from a variety of age groups. Age is just a number. When you have something in common, that is key. One of my best friends has an autistic son the same age as my own, but there is an 18 year difference between us. Yet, we are two peas in a pod.

1. Location -The more populated your area, the more likely you will find others with similar needs like you. However, you can find this in more rural areas too. I have seen it happen.

You might have to get creative, but moms of autistics are good at thinking outside of the box. Part of your community might include service provides, which are limited in more rural areas too. With the rise of autism, services are evolving in a variety of areas.

1. Access – Access to transportation might be an issue. This might impact your ability to travel to services, clinics, or events.

However, the pandemic has brought additional online options and changed the landscape of bringing people together for both community and services.

With that said, you must have availability to a computer, phone, and internet. Most towns have libraries with free internet access, which helps alleviate this need.

1. Values -Differing values might impact your developing community. We are all different individuals, which is what makes us interesting and unique. I have many friends that are very different from me. We vary by back grounds, socioeconomic status

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Hi moms! I started this podcast because I wanted to develop a resource where moms felt a little less alone on their journey. I have learned that it is just as therapeutic for me. Thank you for joining me. Let’s promote self-growth and awareness together!

As moms of autistics, it can be a lonely road at times, especially in the beginning when you are trying to assimilate into your new life and find that many people don’t understand the changes you are making.

In Episode 8, I introduced the concept of community. I shared my personal story and how my life changed when I developed a supportive community. Episode 10 focused on common barriers to building a community for moms of autistics. In episode 14, I offered 3 tools for your mom toolbox to deal with negativity from others.

In this episode, I dive into what a supportive community looks like. This is different for everyone. You must dig deep to identify what YOU are looking for in terms of support.

Find the full transcript for this episode at https://thrivingmomsofautistics.com/19

Please share the podcast with other moms to help them grow their supportive community.

Is growing a supportive community impossible for a mom of an autistic?

When you hear me talk about community, you might be thinking,

“What community? I’m a single mom. I don’t have time for friends. My family doesn’t get it. My friends have no idea what I go through, although they try.”

I completely understand that. Listening to podcasts and reading blogs is a great start. Someone lovingly told me, “You need more.” We just went through back-to-back health emergencies.

We thought we were enough and that our only son had enough socialization at school. I’m a psychologist. I’ve got this, right?

No, it isn’t enough. I am super independent and self-reliant. Society tells us that is the way, but it is not. We were not intended to go through life like that.

The first step is seeking out free resources, such as this podcast. I love that you have found the podcast. I want you to feel understood. Also, I want you to know that you are capable. The things you pull off daily for your child are beyond amazing.

YOU have got this. You can do just about anything you put your mind to. I am proud of you!

I know you tell yourself that you are not enough at times, but you are amazing and deserve to have support along the way! Having support is not a weakness. It’s a strength!

Where do moms start when developing a supportive autism community?

Imagine what your community might look like. The goal is to find others that get you and support you in your autism journey, right?

Community might include other parents, teachers, therapists, family, friends, etc. Start by looking at your current community. Check out these questions!

Ask, what is good about my community?

What is not working in my community?

Hmmm, what did you find? Write it down!

Now that you have an inventory of what your current situation looks like, it is time to determine what you want in a community. This is the good part!

Here are some things to consider when identifying the important aspects of your community and what you want it to look like.

1) What is important to you? You might not care for the puzzle pieces used to represent autism in some organizations. You might seek others who feel the same way. OR you might feel a certain way about it but not require that others have the same views.

2) What are your values?

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Hi moms! I’m thrilled that you here devoting a little time out of your busy schedule to promote self-growth and awareness. That brings me so much joy!

As moms of autistics, we learn to adapt to changing behaviors and situations. Resilient moms bounce back after a challenging event.

But it’s their grit that helps them to continue to forge on through difficult times. Both grit and resilience are characteristics that moms CAN develop if you haven’t already.

In episode 17, I established that your mind is one of the greatest tools in your mom toolbox. In this episode, I will explore the role that grit plays when turning challenges into growth opportunities.

Find the full transcript for this episode at https://thrivingmomsofautistics.com/18

Please share the podcast with other moms. Help them feel connected while sharing a supportive resource.

Do moms of autistics tend to have higher grit?

I suspect that autism moms are some of the grittiest moms around. One day, I would like to test this hypothesis in a future research project. As a group, we push through some very serious obstacles.

I love Angela Duckworth’s work on grit. She has a quick, 10-item scale you can take on her website. I scored higher than 95% of American adults in a recent study.

Grit has nothing to do with talent or luck. It has everything to do with your calling or passion for something. It drives you to continue on even in the darkest times.

What role does grit play into how moms of autistics move forward in challenging times?

You might have heard about grit. It is an important concept in positive psychology that is increasing in popularity and the scholarly research. Individuals with grit have greater self-control and perseverance in difficult situations.

Here are some curiosity questions to get you thinking about grit.

1. Do you give up easily or keep going when it’s hard?
2. Do you find it easy to stay on course or get distracted?
3. Do you lose interest easily or stay focused on tasks?

The research shows that grit and self-control are predictors of achievement and success. They are likely greater predictors than IQ or talent.

Why is grit important for moms of autistics?

Mindset is very important for moms and how they experience their autism journey. There is a connection between grit and growth mindset.

As I mentioned previously, individuals can develop grit and resilience. It is suspected that a growth mindset helps build grit.

Let’s think about grit in real world terms for moms of autistics.

You’ve learned that your child is autistic. You’ve dived into all things autism to learn what your child needs to grow and develop. Rather than quit or give up, you’ve decided to keep moving and do all you can to support your child.

You have neurotypical children. Raising them was quite different. Now what? What worked for them is not the same as your autistic.

With professional guidance, you have implemented many of the recommendations by your child’s therapist to streamline the wins from therapy to home and school.

You consider placing your child in sports but know it will be different for your child. You find groups that specialize with special needs to give your child the opportunity to experience sports and meet them where they are at.

If you live in a rural area, perhaps you have started a special needs sports group.

They have an opportunity to engage with other kids and learn skills that are important to their development. Is it the same as other team’s their age? No, but it is just what they need!

As a mom, you are experiencing things outside your comfort zone and continuing on because you are passionate about your

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Hi moms! I’m so glad you are here and seeking growth and community. You deserve it!

Resiliency is key when faced with challenges. Moms of autistics are faced with many challenges as their child continues to grow. I get that there will be mountains in my journey, but those mountains are no match for me! I believe it and achieve it! That’s what I want for you too!

In this episode, I talk about ways to use those challenges for growth opportunities and use your mind as one of your greatest tools in your mom toolbox.

Find the full transcript for this episode at https://thrivingmomsofautistics.com/17

Please share the podcast with other moms. Help others find the podcast and feel connected while creating a community of moms supporting one another.

The Importance of Positivity for Moms of Autistics

Researchers have found that moms of autistics, who exhibit a positive affect or positive emotions promote more flexible thinking, creative problem-solving, and effectively counteract stressors. This means that when you incorporate positivity into your daily routine it becomes a healthy habit and can buffer against the effects of stress that are associated with having an autistic. 

Does this mean you have to be positive all day every day? Of course not! That isn’t possible. We are human and must give ourselves permission to be imperfect. If not, we will only increase our stress. You don’t want that!

However, you are a work in progress, and you can strive to be your best with practice! Practice doesn’t make perfect. Practice makes you at your best. That is what we strive for while giving ourselves grace when there are inevitable bumps along the way. 

What is a resilient autism mom?

Resilience is a well-researched concept in positive psychology. Resilience is our ability to bounce back and get back up when we have been knocked down. 

You might recall that I was told by a couple of doctors that I would not have children. I knew that at the age of 40, I was given a gift. And that he was a child like all children, who have a purpose. My miracle! I couldn’t wait to see his life unfold.

I remember when we were concerned that our son might be autistic and waiting for testing.  I felt like the breath was knocked out of me. I had to collect myself while we waited. Once we got the diagnosis, there was no time to wallow, yet we had to experience the grieving process. Everyone does! 

I had a new reality. I had to let go of what I thought my son’s life might be like and accept that things would be quite different. I was strengthening my resilience muscles. 

Resilience is a characteristic that can be developed. Along the way, there have been ups and downs. There have been many opportunities to learn. 

How Moms of Autistics Can Build their Resilience and Grow

Here are 5 things to consider that will help you exercise your resiliency muscles:

1. It starts with fostering awareness. This involves reflection. Ask yourself where things went wrong and accept your part in it. This allows you to learn from it.

Make a decision to accept it, learn from it, and move forward. 

1. Consider how you might do things differently in the future. Embrace what went well even if the outcome was unexpected or not what you wanted. Sometimes that is hard to do, but this is something!
2. Find others who get it. It might be time to develop your supportive community if you do not have one already. It’s helpful to have someone in your corner who listens and doesn’t judge. Better yet, if it is someone who has been in your shoes.

In my Thrive VIP Program, I work 1:1 with moms to help them develop community and grow their mindsets and personal resources. 

1. S

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Hi moms! I’m so glad you are here and that you’ve taken some time for yourself to growth as a mom.

I’ve talked about personal talents or strengths in the past and how challenging it can be to identify our own strengths. I explored the key role of awareness and why strengths are so important in episode 15.

In this episode, I take it a step further and explore what sets moms of autistics apart and how to use that in addition to your existing strengths and talents to grow in your journey. 

Find the full transcript for this episode at https://thrivingmomsofautistics.com/16

Let’s create a community of moms! Help others find the podcast by sharing the podcast.

What are some of the unique experiences of moms of autistics?

I love talking with moms and hearing their stories. Although each story is different, I often hear similar themes that tie our experiences together. Here are 6 themes that I have found.

1. The little things in life aren’t so little to us.

There is no such thing as “the little things” in the world of autism. Things that most moms take for granted, moms of autistics cherish. 

1. We love to hear our child talk!

How often have you heard, “Oh, he’s not talking yet? One day you will wonder if he ever shuts up!” I waited so long to hear his words and his voice that I am so thankful when he demands that I listen to him endlessly talk about cars or the city he is building. It brings me great joy! I joyfully stop what I am doing to listen.

1. We love the simple things.

One of the things that moms of autistics get excited about is the simplicity of it all. It doesn’t take much to get our child’s attention. They can play for hours lining up cars or dolls. It seems so simple to us, but they are measuring and perfecting something so beautiful that is beyond our comprehension. 

1. We have an unusual bond with our child.

One of my closest friends once reflected on her relationship with her young autistic. She said, “Even though we don’t have conversations, we connect on a whole different level.” I get that! I recall knowing what my son needed before he started to talk at age 5. 

1. We see the world differently.

We learn so many things from our autistics. They have such a different view of the world. It rubs off on us. We start to see things that others do not. We become much more perceptive. 

1. We become more flexible.

I am much more flexible than I was before I had my son. Many moms have pointed out that they were so ridged in their thinking before having their child. Having an autistic causes you to become more flexible to their needs. Otherwise, life gets pretty hard. 

How does this tie to your natural talents as a mom of an autistic?

I have given you examples of how we transition maternally after having an autistic child. These experiences change us for the better. 

Can you imagine what it would be like if you accompanied your natural talents with these experiential growth opportunities that I’ve listed? Wow! Your autism journey would be so different! 

There is always room to grow. That is why I am constantly looking for growth opportunities. I see that rub off on my son, which seems to lighten his load. I love that because autistics face many challenges. I do what I can to make things a little bit better for him. 

Let’s say that your experience as a mom of an autistic made you much more perceptive. What if you learned that wisdom was one of your strengths? Imagine how you could use that personal strength to grow as a mom? 

Our innate strengths are powerful in our journey. But we must be aware of our strengths first. Otherwise, growth cannot occur.

Autism is a lifelong experience. In your journey, you will have time to

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Everyone has personal strengths. In fact, we all have more than one. We are often not aware of our strengths. How can you use your strengths to improve your well-being if you lack awareness? You can’t!

In this episode, I will explore how strengths are tied to well-being and your relationship with your child and others. You don’t want to miss this one.

Find the full transcript for this episode at https://thrivingmomsofautistics.com/15

Please share the podcast with other moms. When you do, you help others find the podcast and feel connected. Let’s form a community of moms supporting one another.

What are your strengths as a mom of an autistic?

Sometimes, we are at least semi-aware of our strengths. However, we might be completely unaware of our strengths.

The first step in to gain awareness of your strengths. I help moms identify their personal strengths 1:1 in my VIP Program.

So, what are strengths? There are a variety of strengths, which are related to your personality. You might be stronger in some areas than others. We all possess these strengths to some degree, but it varies by individual.

Some examples of strengths include curiosity, fairness, gratitude, honesty, bravery, creativity, leadership, perseverance, just to name a few. You can learn so much about yourself by gaining more awareness of your strengths.

What are 6 benefits of knowing your strengths as a mom of an autistic?

There are many benefits to understanding your strengths. Here are 6 benefits to start.

1. You learn so much about yourself. Parts of yourself will start to make sense and enable you to navigate your autism journey with more ease.
2. Understanding and using your strengths can help you foster a stronger relationship with your child and others.
3. It can help you identify areas you are not as strong in and potential blind spots.
4. When you understand your strengths, you make connect more closely with the things you value, which impacts many areas of your life.
5. Your strengths come more naturally to you and influence your decision-making.
6. You can use your strengths for personal growth, implementing self-care, and setting boundaries with others.

How can understanding your personal strengths help you relate to your child?

Once you are aware of your strengths, you can use those strengths to improve your relationship with your child.

Are you a planner? Do you try to avoid unnecessary risks or tend to be cautious? Sounds like an autism mom to me! One of your strengths might be being prudent.

You might use this strength to connect with your child by planning a schedule or planning meals for the week. Autistics tend to succeed when they know what to expect.

How can understanding your personal strengths help you relate to others in day-to-day activities?

Do you tend to have greater self-awareness of your own thoughts and feelings? Do you tend to have awareness of the thoughts and feelings of others?

One of your strengths might be social intelligence. Individuals with this talent naturally read the room quicker or catch their own stinking thinking quicker than others.

This will help them regulate their emotions better and prepare for potential problematic encounters with others.

Autism Mom Strengths Are Not One Size Fits All

My innate strengths might now be the same as yours. These talents contribute to uniqueness and can be used to experience life challenges differently leading to a positive centered life.

I consider my strengths as gifts or blessings that can change the course of my journey. You can too! For more on uncovering your strengths, check out podcast episode 5 and

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Moms of autistics experience struggles with friends, family members, and even strangers that do not understand autism. 

This is so common. In fact, this is one reason why I started Thriving Moms of Autistics. I want moms to feel like they have a safe place to feel understood. I want moms to know they are not alone. 

In this episode, I will explore the negativity moms of autistics often encounter from others and offer 3 tools to deal with this.

What are common sources of negativity for moms of autistics?

Unfortunately, there is quite a list. One source of negativity might come from family members. It doesn’t matter if your family is local or far away, they can impact your autism journey- positively or negatively. Relatives that live at a distance can be just as problematic as those you are near you day to day. 

One issue might be family events or holidays. Their misconceptions about autism might make them less forgiving during a behavior or even perplexed at how you prepare for a potential behavior to keep your child safe. 

I was blessed to grow up around my mom’s side of the family. I had two beautiful, amazing cousins with special needs. They made my life so much better. I am thankful for those experiences. Sometimes, there are things this side of my family might not understand, but they work with us to help my son because they get what it is like to have a child with special needs.

We don’t have that experience everywhere we go. Perhaps that is your experience too. It might be that you do not have anyone in your family that gets it. When someone you love doesn’t get autism and your child’s needs, that is so painful. 

Please remember that this has nothing to do with you. If they choose not to understand or even try, that is about them. Your job is to help and protect your child. 

I tend to meet people where they are at. If they chose to stay where they are and refuse to grow, I place my energy elsewhere. I don’t keep trying to convince them to love my family or understand our needs. That becomes their problem.

This comes from a growth mindset, which I explore in Episode 2, Episode 4, and Episode 12.

What if your family is all you have? It is time to find a supportive community. It sounds scary and even impossible. I get this! I talk about this in episode 8 and episode 10. I also explore this 1:1 with moms in my VIP Program. 

Another issue might be with your friends. Autism is hard for others to understand when they don’t have experience with autism or special needs. 

Sometimes, people walk on eggshells and worry that they may say or do the wrong thing. In turn, they unintentionally say or do things that are alienating. I choose to understand where this is coming from.

I had this experience with a mom group when my son was being diagnosed. There was a lot of denial with some. It was just new and uncomfortable for them. There were a couple that were genuinely supportive and wanted to understand. There were a handful that were not interested in understanding and very intentional in their actions. 

The same is true for strangers. Moms of autistics often encounter others that only experience a moment in time with you and your family. They don’t know your family’s special needs. They make assumptions and judgements, which aren’t helpful. 

3 Tools for Moms of Autistics to Deal with Negative Encounters with Others 

1. Stop and Consider

First, stop and consider the person and their potential motivations. This might differ for

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In this episode, I will explore common stressors for moms of autistics and why it is important to combat stress.

All parents have stress. Raising an autistic brings on additional stressors. We worry about bullying, if our child will eat enough nutritious food, if they will ever talk, if they will be able to tolerate a public event or stay in the classroom that day. The list goes on!

Safety is a major stressor. It is up there with what will happen to my child when I die. While we have a lot of eventual firsts with our children, we also understand that some milestones may never be met.

It’s just a different journey raising an autistic. I’m usually pretty laid back, but my stress level was through the roof when we learned our son was autistic. I was swallowed whole by all the what ifs. The unknown causes a lot of stress. 

Can moms change the course of their autism journey?

Absolutely! I picked myself up and dusted myself off quickly. I went straight into fight mode. I hear this theme often when I interview and work with moms of autistics. 

We are a unique group! That doesn’t mean we don’t still experience grief and stress. Every mom works through this in their own time.

Some days it feels like we are moving 100 mph and engulfed in stress. It often seems like a normal part of our day to day.

Since stress is inevitable, how do moms of autistics combat stress?

First, you must be aware of stressors. Identify your common stressors by listening to your mind and your body. Your body will give it away every time. 

You might struggle with getting to and staying asleep. This is common. Your sleep might be disrupted. I have two common nightmares related to stress. One is where my teeth keep falling out. The other is that I’m in public and have to go to the bathroom, but all the public toilets are overflowing and not in working order. I have had dreams where I lose my son and can’t find him. 

You might be a stress eater and experience digestive upset or even struggle to eat anything at all. You might have more headaches, panic attacks, or even increased blood pressure. Listen to your body!

Next, you must figure out the origins of your stress. This is usually the easiest step, but it might be more than one thing.

Finally, something must change. You might not have much control over the stressor, but you do have control over how you react to and deal with the issue. 

Tools that Moms of Autistics Can Use to Conquer Stress

1. Be mindful of your thoughts. Catch your stinking thinking and evaluate your mindset. If you have a fixed mindset, that is a red flag! I explore mindset in episode 2, episode 4, and episode 12.
2. How can I use my own strengths to deal with issues that arise? You must be aware of your personal strengths. In my Thrive VIP Program, I help moms identify and use their strengths to up your game and cope with stressful situations. Our strengths act as a buffer and are quite valuable.
3. What can you do differently? This might be setting better boundaries with others and engaging in self-care. I always say that your own self-care has an impact on your child’s well-being. Self-care is not selfish!

Give this more thought over the next week. Decide how your body might be giving you stress signals. Consider your potential stressors. And think about what you can do differently to increase your well-being.

If you haven’t already, grab my FREE 4 step guide to help. You can find it as Thriving Moms of Autistics 

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Raising a child isn’t easy. They all have different personalities and temperaments. The same is true for moms. We are all different creatures with different strengths that make us unique. I explore mom strengths in episode 5 and episode 9.

People tend to unknowingly lump autistics together. But the truth is that if you’ve met an autistic child, you have met an autistic child. That is why your child doesn’t come with a manual.

With different personalities comes different perspectives. We view the world differently based on how we were raised and our experiences and beliefs, which were derived from our parents and caregivers. Even our location plays a part in our perspective.

For the longest time, it didn’t appear that my son was often aware of what was going on around him. I am referring to the toddler years. When he plays, he plays hard and gets lost in his own world.

He and I are similar. When I get lost in a project, someone can be calling my name and I just don’t hear them. However, it is different for my son. I assumed he was the same way since he wasn’t communicating with me and that he was unaware.

What I found was that he didn’t miss a beat. Even though he was non-verbal until he was five, he was taking it all in and soaking it up like a little sponge. He just didn’t share or communicate this with me at the time.

So, what was he soaking up? Everything! He is my mini. He is a little perfectionist, which is unfortunate. I don’t want that for him. He is also very funny and loving. He says the darndest things now that he is verbal.

Yes, there are innate factors, such as personality and temperament that play a role in our child’s behaviors and perceptions, but they learn behavior and attitude from others as well.

THIS is one reason why a mom’s mindset matters. Their mindset will influence their child’s view of the world, thus impacting the child’s behavior. The other reason why a mom’s mindset matters is that it impacts their own self-care and stress level.

Neuroscience suggests that our brain is impacted by our experiences. For example, chemical changes occur when we experience trauma resulting in changes in the brain.

Our brains are quite malleable, meaning that there is potential for growth and neural connectivity with practice. In essence, we can bounce back and even grow. Our beliefs are powerful. This shapes our perspective.

Where are you on the Mindset continuum? Do you have a fixed mindset or a growth mindset? Check out my mini mindset quiz in episode 4. The first step is becoming aware of your own mindset. Once you increase your personal mindset awareness, you can explore ways to grow.

Tips to grow your mindset as a mom of an autistic

1. Acknowledge that raising an autistic is hard by recognizing that you are unique. You have unique gifts and talents. These strengths can help you grow your mindset too. There is always room to grow.
2. Be open to change. Autism parents tend to increase flexibility as they grow as a parent. They understand that flexibility helps their child adapt to changing situations.
3. Parenting is hard. Be kind to yourself. When you make mistakes, be willing to learn from them.
4. Avoid perfectionism! You will dig yourself into a deep, dark hole through perfectionism. Perfect doesn’t exist. Don’t set yourself up to fail. Instead, be mindful that you are doing your best and will improve in time.
5. Find learning opportunities. You have started by listening to the podcast. I explore mindset often. Also, you can download the FREE 4 Step Guide from Thriving Moms of Autistics.

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Isn’t it frustrating when someone looks at you like you have three heads for making a simple request regarding your child. 

People tend to not understand because our child’s needs are unusual in comparison to a neurotypical child’s need. They simply don’t understand the meaning behind your request.

In this episode, I explore those feelings as a mom of an autistic and remind you that you don’t have three heads and your child’s needs are just as important. 

It’s natural for moms of autistics to advocate for their child. It doesn’t feel good when those simple requests are ignored or misunderstood. 

In fact, your advocacy doesn’t make you a bad person or a needy person. Even if someone infers this is the case. It makes you a good mom! Other’s ideas about you do not paint an accurate picture of who you are as a mom or a person.

I am one of the most flexible people you will ever meet. Moms of autistics are flexible at their core. They must be given their circumstances. Yet others view them as difficult or impossible.

Does that sound selfish on their end? It is based on the fact that they don’t have the experience of raising an autistic making it hard to understand.

As moms, we might not start out with a high level of flexibility, but raising an autistic requires you to transform yourself into a highly flexible mom. 

There will be those, who simply refuse to budge. That doesn’t mean you don’t follow through with your request. Your child’s safety always comes first.

What does that mean? You know what your child’s triggers are, but others do not because they do not know your child like you do. 

Our job as moms is to set our child up for success and not failure. This is why we make these requests of others. That is being a good mom. Not a difficult mom…

When your child is doing well, so are you! This is a type of self-care. This is why setting boundaries with others is so important. 

I set firm boundaries with my son too that are developmentally appropriate. This is how he learns. I am also aware of what he can handle and don’t push him until he is ready. 

This is what we call, “meeting them where they are at.” We must meet all individuals where they are to facilitate change. 

You might want someone to join your autism journey, but they simply are not ready. That doesn’t mean they won’t be ready at some point. You know the old saying, “You can lead the horse to water, but you can’t force them to drink.” So true! 

Don’t try to herd cats! If someone isn’t willing to budge when you set boundaries, you can walk away from that. You are advocating for you AND your child and creating a safe space for both of you to grow and feel cared for. It shouldn’t be one sided. 

People, who see the meaning behind your boundaries will meet you halfway. They will at least try to understand and show some flexibility. How does this happen?

In one word … education. Not only are you a mom of an autistic, but you are an educator too. I do a lot of educating. 

It is up to the individual to choose to understand or not. That is out of your control. You gave them the information. They must choose to use it. 

When others do not understand our methods of parenting, it is usually written all over their face or in their tone and body language. You will become quite skilled at recognizing this. 

I often ask, “You seem like you have questions. How can I help? That opens up the conversation and educational opportunity. They tend to let their guard down. 

Do you have to do this with those who are hostile? Absolutely not! Let it go! Do not hang on to others negativity. You do not deserve it. 

In the next week, consider those moments that you could have educated others and set firm boundaries when making requests. How might you do things different in the future?

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One thing I have learned is that life is not without challenges. When difficulties occur, we must move forward to experience renewal.  As the saying goes, “The sorrow may last for the night, but joy comes in the morning.”

In episode 8, I revealed my personal story of how my life changed when I created a supportive community. That was the point where I realized I was surviving in my autism journey. I needed to thrive as a mom for my son. My family deserved that. I deserved that. 

In this episode, I take the message of community support a step further and explore the origins, common barriers, and considerations when building a community for moms of autistics.

Find the transcript for this episode at https://thrivingmomsofautistics.com/10

I would love your input so please leave a review on Apple Podcast. When you do, you help others find the podcast. I love when moms help other moms!

I’ve mentioned in previous episodes that awareness is at the core of many aspects of autism parenting. This includes community supports. Having a keen awareness allows us to evaluate our lives and resources. 

We all have community around us. Ask yourself, “Does the community that I currently surround myself with bring out the best in me?” The answer might be yes, but you only have one or two people in your circle. 

If the answer is no, you need to consider changing that. Don’t do what I did and wait until there is an emergency. I think back about how things would have been very different for us in those three months had we surrounded ourselves with the support we desperately needed. 

Positive community means that you are surrounded by people, who understand autism, support you without harsh judgment when you are struggling, show you compassion, and help you out when you are in a pinch.

Community isn’t only about you. It’s about your child too. When you care for your needs, you are essentially caring for your child’s needs. Healthy moms lead to healthy children. Let that marinate a bit. 

One of the things I love about my supportive community is that I have people around me that get it. When something comes up with my son, they can recall experiencing the same thing or something similar. It brings some normalcy to my life instead of always feeling like the outlier. 

Also, our children have an opportunity to create bonds with one another. Autistic children often struggle with making friends. This allows them to also be around others, who have things in common with them. As parents, we don’t have to walk on eggshells when our child has a behavior that is typical of autistic children.

There are many barriers to finding support, but I have seen moms do it. You might live in a rural area, be a single mom, or struggle making friends for whatever reason. Positive community is still an option. So is not having a supportive community in your journey.

Consider these questions to guide you in finding your community.

• Do I have access to the Internet? If not, is there a library nearby? Even most small towns have a library.
• Is my child in school or ABA where there are other families like mine?
• Who are the family members and friends that I can count on or can learn about understanding autism?

It might take some time but tightening up your circle is worth it. You might have someone in mind. But they aren’t quite there yet. That doesn’t mean they won’t be. 

You are a natural advocate for your child. It is okay for you to advocate for yourself too. You can set boundaries with others and say, “I need x or y!” More about setting boundaries in episode 11. 

The point is that there are others like you. When you come together, you can achieve so much as moms! 

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I developed the term positive centered life because it is the summation of what has made my own autism journey successful. Is a successful autism journey without challenges? Absolutely not! Is it perfectly wrapped in a nice, neat package? Nothing is!

In this episode, I explore the benefits of leading a positive centered life as a mom of an autistic. It is a learning process that uses your own strengths to guide you in making those challenges a little easier. Overall, it makes your journey a little less bumpy.

A journey that encompasses a positive centered life is one that moms of autistics can strive for and in time achieve.

In episode 3, I explored how awareness was important in reducing stress. Awareness is literally at the core of many aspects of autism parenting.

In positive psychology, we implement techniques, such as mindfulness to become more aware of our thinking, feeling, and emotions.

In my Thrive VIP Program, I help moms become more aware of their own innate strengths that we may or may not be aware of. This helps us cope with the challenges of autism parenting and be more proactive rather than reactive.

This is what positive psychologists refer to as fostering intuitive resistance to adversity. We become more resilient by learning from our past experiences, engaging in self-care, and developing a supportive community.

I have mentioned in previous episodes my battle with perfectionism. Moms of autistics are super hard on themselves. Throw in some perfectionism and you have a recipe for disaster.

We must show ourselves some grace. I cannot say that enough! Living a positive centered life is essential for not only showing yourself grace but your autistic as well, which lowers the impact of our experience of difficult situations.

This means that when we employ positivity, we tend to nurture and grow rather than get devoured by the problem or negative experience. This is easy to do, but positive psychology helps us to rewire our brains for success.

There is room to improve for every human being. I got into the field of psychology because I firmly believed that people could change. Changing course is not easy, but it’s not impossible either.

This is where mindset comes in. Our personality, beliefs, and experiences contribute to our mindset. Check our episode 2 and episode 4 for more on mindset and moms of autistics. In my Thrive VIP Program, I help moms identify there they are on the mindset spectrum and ways to develop a growth mindset.

This is important because children are sponges. They soak in how we handle ourselves and situations in the world, which impacts our relationship with our children and their experience with the world. Parents lead by example.

We rewire our brains by engaging in and practicing positivity more consistently. Even the so-called “Negative Nancy” can retrain her brain to think more positively.

When you become more aware of your thoughts and behaviors, you can start flipping the negative script in your mind to a more positive one. This takes lots of practice.

It’s so much easier to get stuck in stinking thinking than it is to practice positivity. In the long term, the pay off is significant and makes our lives easier.

I shared a couple of benefits to leading a positive centered life. I will explore many more in future episodes so stay tuned. You don’t want to miss!

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When I chat with moms of autistics or any child with special needs, I commonly hear how isolating it can be for them. Boy, I get that! When you raise a neurotypical child, your path is very different for many reasons. 

As a clinician, I taught parenting groups successfully for over 20 years. Interventions are very different for families of autistics. I practically threw many of those methods out the window with my own son. 

Many of my parent friends of children with special needs do not go to other people’s homes. In fact, they fear going to visit family during the holidays for the fear of something getting broken or others not understanding their parenting methods or even their child’s unusual behaviors. 

Parents of autistics often hear, “Can’t you spank the autism out of him or if my child did that..”

Instead, it is easier for them to just stay home and avoid the public or family’s judgments. It’s not healthy for human beings to isolate. We naturally need others whether we realize it or not. 

When I got married, I moved to a new city. I got pregnant quickly. My husband was an engineer, and I was practicing at the time so there was little time to make friends in our new city. I made friends easily in the past but worked all the time. Most of our church family had adult children. 

Being an older mom in my 40’s, my parents had passed away and other family was hours away. I decided to join a mom group. That did not go as I had hoped due to the age differences. 

Also, many of the moms didn’t understand why I was testing my son for autism when he simply wasn’t talking. I would hear things like, “Oh, don’t worry. He’s not autistic. My son did that too. Oh, my son walked on his tippy toes and lined up cars. It’s no big deal.” 

Looking back, they were just trying to be helpful, but pretending it wasn’t true was anything but helpful. Not everyone is a fit for your community and that is okay. We have challenges that others do not understand. Support is essential. So who we choose to be in our community is important for our own and our familial wellness. 

My husband and I managed to make it through the diagnosis and get early intervention regardless of the nay sayers. Locally, our main support was from my son’s treatment team. They were wonderful but we needed more than professional supports. 

During the pandemic, my husband and I had medical emergencies two months apart. It is by the grace of God that we are here today. It was pretty dire for a few months. 

During this time, my son’s behaviors worsened due to the impact of the pandemic and me being in and out of the hospital. After my husband’s medical emergency, I realized how hard it was to find someone that could watch my son in an instance. 

Like many of you, we did not have babysitters with the skillset to safely watch an autistic. I made it to the hospital in time for the ER doctor to meet me in the parking lot to tell me they were taking my husband to emergency surgery. 

Shortly after, someone lovingly said, you need others. You need more! They were right.

How do moms of autistics find their community?

In terms of developing a support system, I wish there was a perfect calculation for this. But we are all so different. Our personalities, locations, and so many other things factor into this. What I do know is that it is not impossible. It once seemed so impossible for me until it wasn’t. 

So my method of gaining community might look very different from yours. The point is that it can happen, and it should. You deserve it! My life is so different now. 

In my Thrive VIP Program, I help other moms of autistics develop their supportive community that is the best fit for them. 

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Hello autism mamas!

I’m so happy you’re here. If you’re listening right now that means you have taken steps to do something for you. That should be celebrated. I am so proud of you and you deserve it!

In this episode, I’ll give you tips to move from merely surviving to fully thriving. We all have the potential to thrive. Thriving doesn’t have to just be a dream. Thriving can be your reality.

Find the full transcript at thrivingmomsofautistics.com/7

Be sure to leave a review on Apple Podcasts. I appreciate your input and support.

What brings joy to moms of autistics?

We’re all such different creatures. That’s what makes us so interesting. Some people like to shop. Others like to visit with friends over coffee. I don’t like shopping. And I don’t like coffee. I know!

Instead, I like to be productive. No kidding. Productivity makes me happy. I like checking things off my list of things to do and get creative. This can get me into trouble quickly, especially when raising an autistic.

Moms of autistics tend to carry a lot of stress

As moms of autistics, we have a lot on our plate. We stress about taking our child out in public, unexpected behaviors or transitions, loud noises, someone coming to the front door, last minute changes, IEP meetings, and the list goes on.

So how do you know when it’s time to slow down? Can you realistically slow down? We all have stopping points, even when there is too much going on to stop.

And if we don’t stop, our body will for us. Let me repeat that. If we don’t stop, our body will for us.

There are often signs along the way that we need to slow down. We just miss them because we are busy in the midst of chaos in our lives.

In episode 6, I explored mom hacks for moments of chaos. One way to do this is to uncover your personal strengths as tools to counter challenging times. Now let’s dive deeper into understanding how to individually alleviate stress so it doesn’t continue to build and weigh us down.

Questions that guide self-care in moms of autistics

• We tend to get stuck in worry in how to handle situations. What are some ways you can exercise your mind to shift your thoughts?
• We often spend our time doing for others and neglect what is important to us. What hobbies would you like to engage in?
• We neglect our physical health and focus on solely on our child. What ways are you able to get moving?
• How can you say yes when others offer support?
• Sometimes we isolate because people do not understand autism, and we are left to do everything on our own. What areas do you need to set boundaries the most?

Spend some time this week thinking about your answers to these questions and evaluate where changes need to be made. Perhaps you already do well in some areas. Or maybe you are struggling across the board.

The word Thrive means to be successful, to grow, or to flourish. I have shared that my husband and I woke up one day and realized we were just surviving, which is pretty common in autism families. We transitioned from surviving to thriving and you can do. It is not impossible. I want that for you. So let’s thrive together!

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Have you noticed that people are on edge now more than ever? It seems that we experience the world differently post COVID. You know what I’m talking about.

In this episode, I’ll share ways to conquer self-care as a mom of an autistic, especially in a pandemic.

Find the full transcript at thrivingmomsofautistics.com/6

When my son was a baby, my mom group had an art project. We made t shirts. Mine said, “Mommin Ain’t Easy!” This was before autism was a thing in our family and definitely before the pandemic.

Autism moms juggle many balls daily

As moms of autistics, we wear many hats. They are all important. But in the midst of deep challenges and chaos, there is one hat that is a must.

So when things get crazy and you are at that boiling point or teetering on the edge … You know what I’m talking about. Put on your special hat!

The key to pulling it all together when your autism journey takes a turn

What I mean by that is think HAT. Halt what you’re doing. So stop!

Acknowledge what is going on in your body. Are you feeling shaky? Is it hard to focus? Does your belly hurt? The list goes on.

Now that you’ve taken a hot minute to stop and acknowledge, tap into your talents. Talents are your personal resources or strengths. This is important because those talents will get you through the tough times.

We all have personal strengths. It’s hard for all of us to pinpoint those strengths. That’s not unusual. I explore this in more detail in episode 5. So be sure to check it out if you haven’t already. We can identify our challenges much easier than identifying our strengths.

I love positive psychology because it allows us to focus on what is right about ourselves rather than solely on what is wrong.

When we do this during hard times, our strengths will carry us through. Strengths are great tools to have in your mom toolboxes.

What are your strengths?

I can almost hear the chirping in your mind right now. It’s hard to identify your own strengths, isn’t it? You might consider grabbing a 90-minute clarity session with me to dive deeper into your personal toolbox.

Challenges to using HAT when parenting a young autistic child

So the whole HAT is important. It sounds easy enough to halt in the midst of chaos, but it’s not. You have to do this when it’s safe. It’s not always safe for moms of autistics to just stop and take a moment.

I was in Walmart recently and my son was slightly walking behind me because he was dawdling. He wasn’t paying attention and walked into a little girl walking with her mom in the opposite direction.

Her mom looked perplexed. I wasn’t able to stop and deal with the situation because my son darted off toward a preferred item. You know what I mean. He’s an eloper … a runner. Many of us have them.

So I had to deal with him in that moment. There was no time to stop and explore the situation further.

Moms of Autistics Master Transitions

Successful moms of autistics are able to pick their battles and be okay with moving forward without perfect transitions. In a perfect world, I would have loved to have explored the situation further with the little girl’s mother. But I had to make sure my son was safe first and foremost.

That is hard for a perfectionist such as me. I have learned to be comfortable with moving on from situations that do not end as nice, neat packages. Therefore, I wear another hat. It is the magical hat of letting go.

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When I was a clinician, I started each evaluation with asking the individual to identify their personal strengths. They were excellent at identifying their problems. That was easy! Identifying strengths? That was another story. It was often like pulling teeth.

In this episode, I’ll share how identifying and using your personal strengths can lead to significant growth in your autism journey.

Find the full transcript at thrivingmomsofautistics.com/5

What do you do well? Can you list 5 or more of your strengths?

Easier said than done!

We are not programmed to focus on our strengths in our society. Instead, we focus on our problems, which presents a challenge when trying to improve your life.

Importance of Using Your Strengths in Your Autism Journey

Why is it important to be strengths focused when parenting an autistic?

In episode 2, I explored why I use positive psychology in my Thrive VIP Program. I love positive psychology because it is so different from what is traditionally taught about human beings. Not to mention the substantial research that supports its practice and measures.

Instead of focusing on what is wrong with others, we focus on what is right about them. Then we use those strengths to empower them to improve their lives and move away from problematic behaviors.

In my Thrive VIP Program from Thriving Moms of Autistics, we explore ways to tap into personal strengths. We all have gifts we aren’t aware of just waiting to be used.

How amazing is that?

The good news is that all individuals have personal strengths. One person’s strengths might be different from the next persons.

What happens when parents of autistics are problem focused?

When parents of autistics fail to use their personal strengths to improve their outlook and interactions with their child, they get stuck. It is better to keep moving in a positive direction than to remain stagnant.

One of my strengths is that I am an optimistic person. As a result, I am resilient. This is consistent with the research on optimism and resiliency, which has made me a believer in my own journey.

I have experienced many challenges in life, which have allowed me to strengthen that optimism muscle. While there is beauty in autism, there are also many challenges that come with it.

So where do you go from here?

Start Thinking About Your Possible Strengths as an Autism Parent

Start by considering these questions

Don’t you hate it when a potential employer asks what you do well? Again, it’s like pulling teeth.

So what do you do well?

What skills do you possess?

If you were to ask someone who knows you well, what would they say?

Ponder these questions over the next week and see what you come up with. I’ll ask them again.

What do you do well?

What skills do you possess?

If you ask someone that knows you well, what would they say?

I know it’s hard to evaluate yourself in these terms. But it is necessary for growth. I am talking about deep, sustainable growth.

You owe it to yourself and your young autistic. Do you remember The Wizard of Oz? The good witch says to Dorothy, “You’ve always had the power, my dear.” She was right.

You might have some idea of your personal strengths because they are often tied to the wins in your life. They give you a boost when things are hard. They help you achieve. Then again, you might not have that awareness quite yet.

It’s something to think about. A positive mind opens positive doors. We can and we will! Let’s do this together!

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Making mistakes is a given when raising a young autistic child. You have the power to learn from those mistakes. In this episode, I’ll share what drives my success in raising my young autistic.

Find the full transcript at thrivingmomsofautistics.com/4

We will explore a bonus mindset quiz in this episode!

What is in Your Control as a Mom of an Autistic?

Have you ever been asked to describe a half glass of water? Is it half empty? Or half full?

It turns out that there is something to that. Happiness researchers have found that optimistic individuals tend to be happier. In fact, my recently published research determined that not only is optimism highly correlated with well-being, but the combination of optimism and internal locus of control significantly impacted well-being.

Locus of control is how one views their control over a situation. So, if we believe an event was out of our hands, we have external control. If we take responsibility for the outcome, we have internal control.

Do you tend to be a glass half-full person or glass half empty?

It is hard to be an optimistic person raising a young autistic child. So much feels out of your control, especially in the beginning. You are the expert on your child. You are also the expert on you!

We learn through experience. We make mistakes along the way as we use trial and error.

What does it feel like for you when you wished you had done things differently in a situation?

Moms of Autistics Have High Standards

Historically, I have been my biggest critic. It wasn’t until I started to view my mistakes as learning experiences and allowed myself some grace that I changed my perspective.

This was not easy. It took lots of practice. I was raised by a mom, who struggled with anxiety. That was all I knew. I learned that mindset is critical for success.

Henry Ford once said, “Whether you think you can or think you can’t, you’re right!” Perspective is so powerful.

Changing Your Perspective to Improve Your Autism Journey

My life changed when I started implementing positive psychology in my life on a daily basis. I want this for you too. This is why I use positive psychology concepts in my Thrive VIP Program for Thriving Moms of Autistics. It helps you evolve as a parent by changing your perspective and using your own personal resources to deal with life challenges.

In the Thrive Program, we explore ways to nurture a growth mindset. Our mindset guides how we experience the world. It impacts our thoughts, our feelings, and our behaviors.

Mindset occurs on a continuum with a fixed mindset on one end and a growth mindset on the other. Individuals with a fixed mindset tend to give up easily and steer away from challenges. They believe we are born with certain talents and that’s it. Whereas those with a growth mindset view life as a learning process and believe that skills can be developed.

Where are you on the mindset continuum?

Regarding Your Autism Journey, Consider These Statements?

• I measure my outcome based on my current parenting skills.
• People often judge my parenting decisions negatively based on my child’s behavior.
• I already know everything I need to know about parenting my autistic.
• It is what it is, and there is nothing I can do about my situation.
• I always struggle with parenting my autistic child.
• There is no point trying to change if I am just going to fail.

If you connect with any of these statements, you will benefit from shifting to a growth mindset.

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Moms of autistics are quite the advocates. When it comes to advocating for their children, they are like the Energizer Bunny. They keep going!

This is great but even the Energizer Bunny runs out of juice at some point. In this episode, I’ll share the importance of recharging your battery and a bonus tip to do just that.

Find the full transcript at thrivingmomsofautistics.com/3

Parenting Autistics is Highly Stressful

We know that stress can have a significant impact on our emotional and physical well-being. We are our child’s greatest supporter. That’s stressful!

That is why we must take care for ourselves. Our child deserves to have a healthy mom and we deserve optimal health.

What keeps you up at night?

That is a loaded question. Many moms say they fear what will happen to their child after they die. Others fear the next phone call from the school. While some fear the dreaded trip to the store with their child in tow.

I know some of you are thinking …all of the above. You are not alone.

Stress is inevitable when raising any child, especially an autistic. So how do you counter high stress levels?

Reducing Stress as a Mom of an Autistic

Stress reducers are not one size fits all. Although moms of autistics have similar stressors, they are all different in how they cope with stress.

Identifying the stressor is easy. How you deal with the stress is another story.

Identifying Stressors Related to Parenting Your Autistic

Have you ever been highly upset that you couldn’t see straight? You literally could not see the forest from the trees.

I would bet that we have all been there. How can you move forward and solve your problem in this state of mind?

This is also what happens when stress builds up. It might be hard to figure out what came first when you are overloaded with stress.

So where do you start?

Where to Start with Parental Stress

To counter stress, you must become aware. Awareness is at the core of taking control of stress. You’re stressed out often for reasons out of your control.

Gaining awareness of the culprit, puts you back in the driver’s seat. IT is your number one asset to conquering stress. It all starts with awareness.

In my Thrive VIP Program, I work with moms of autistics to gain awareness to help them combat future stressors.

Stress is inevitable. Moms must be equipped to deal with it.

Once you’ve gained awareness of the culprit, how do you manage your stress?

Controlling Your Body Before, During, and After a Stress Event

I don’t know about you, but when I’m stressed, I tend to hold my breath at times. Some people breathe erratically to the point of hyperventilation. This does a number on your body, especially when you’re in a fight or flight mode.

It’s hard to think straight during high stress events. You might not get the oxygen your brain needs to fully function and think clearly.

Today, I’ll give you a bonus tip. I’m going to share with you one of my tricks for calming my body and mind, which brings me back to homeostasis. It prepares me for a place where I can get things done.

As moms of autistics, it’s critical that we can do that. We’re often on edge and on high alert for our little ones. It’s not uncommon for moms of autistics to struggle with sleep.

This is why I recommend you try to do when you wake up to prepare you for your day, in the midst of stress, and at night before you go to bed. With practice, it will be natural for you when things go awry.

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Switching gears is common for moms of autistics. Our minds work differently. So we need to be quick and flexible.

We can scan the room for potential dangers and precursors like it’s an Olympic sport. In this episode, I’ll share how you can use this superpower for your own personal growth.

Find the full transcript at thrivingmomsofautistics.com/2

Parenting Autistics is Not the Same as Parenting Neurotypicals

Have you ever thought, “Boy, I could have handled that differently!”

Moms are human too. Many moms of autistics also have neurotypical children. Raising autistics is different in so many ways.

This is why our parenting decisions are so confusing to those without the experience of an autistic child. As moms, we carry the weight of those misconceptions, which adds to our personal stress.

Like our young autistics, we view the world differently. And for good reason.

So how do you lighten your load?

The Role of Positive Psychology in your Autism Journey

Positive psychology has been around for about 25 years now. Before teaching and researching positive psychology, it was something I often used in my daily life and clinical practice. I noticed the power of using one’s strengths to overcome difficulty and challenges.

Our thoughts and beliefs are so powerful. Human beings naturally think negatively at times. It’s in our nature. Some individuals are more negative than others. This impacts our experience as moms of autistics.

You can get stuck in repeating negative thoughts and behaviors. But you deserve better!

What if you could change the course of your journey? How different would your life be?

Over the years, I became more aware of how I viewed and handled challenges. Through experimentation, I found ways to overcome these challenges and change my journey.

Moms of Autistics Living Positive Centered Lives

As a result, I started living a positive centered life. I developed this term because it speaks to how I have developed over time in my practice and my autism journey.

One leads a positive centered life by becoming more aware of their thoughts and beliefs and switching gears when needing to change course. This means catching cognitive distortions.

I refer to cognitive distortions as stinking thinking. These are negative thoughts that keep you trapped in an endless cycle. You can’t win with this type of thinking.

Sound familiar?

You deserve to win! In my signature program, I help moms use positive psychology to evolve in their autism journey. We partner together in their pursuit to lead a positive centered life.

Are you currently living a positive centered life?

Review Your Autism Journey

Consider these statements …

When my child is struggling in public, I focus on their needs, but feel judged and overwhelmed. It bothers me.

When my child says or does things that others view as strange, I hold onto that and think I need to do better.

I never have the time to take care of myself because I devote all my time to my child and family.

I wish I had someone in my life that gets what I am going through. I feel so alone.

Sometimes it feels like it’s not going to get better.

People don’t understand my life.

Do any of these statements resonate with you? It doesn’t have to be this way! You deserve more in your autism journey.

It’s not impossible. You have strengths within you that you never imagined before. There are people who get it and want to support you. I want to support you!

I changed my journey and you can change yours too!

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Raising an autistic child can be hard. It’s different from raising a neurotypical child. I’ll share my secrets to success in raising my young autistic. Find the full transcript at thrivingmomsofautistics.com/1

My Personal Autism Journey

My autism journey started 30 years ago when I had to write a senior paper in high school. The librarian suggested the topic “autism,” which was foreign to me at the time. I couldn’t stop reading about it.

My cousin typed my college papers for me my freshman year and recently reminded me that autism was consistently the topic. I spent most of my career helping families navigate common childhood struggles by empowering parents to shine in the darkness of their journey.

What has your journey with autism been like?

After doctors said I would not have children, I had baby at 41. I cherished my little miracle and dreamed of what his life would be like and how he would impact the world.

Two years later, I learned he was autistic and non-verbal. We grieved like all parents do initially. I sprung into action soon after and embraced early intervention and treatments.

What was it like for you when you heard the word “autism?”

Surviving Versus Thriving in Your Autism Journey

A year and a half ago, my husband and I realized we were not fully thriving in our autism journey. We overcame many challenges but didn’t have the support we needed after experiencing back-to-back medical emergencies.

It was a wake-up call! Everyone thinks it won’t happen to them.

What potential life events have kept you up at night?

We knew something had to change. I valued the strengths approach in my practice over the years. This is a hard concept for many to grasp and takes some work.

What personal resources do you have that carry you through challenges?

From the outside, it appeared that we had our ducks in a row because we used our strengths well. But it takes more than that. In my field, self-care is essential. I have cultivated this skill over time.

How do you care for yourself? Or are you focused on caring for everyone else and neglecting you? That’s pretty common.

Once again, I was in a fight or flight mode. You know what I’m talking about. Thankfully, I was able to manage my stress by setting boundaries and taking care of myself. I was up for the next challenge.

I told myself along the way that we didn’t need the additional support. It was too hard dealing with other’s misconceptions about autism. So I kept charging forward until I couldn’t anymore. I found myself stuck.

Shift to Thriving in Your Autism Journey

I did the unthinkable in autism world. I found my community. Not just case managers and therapists, but people like me.

You can have that too. You deserve it! Raising an autistic child will never be completely stress free, but you can chip away at those mountains with newfound confidence and not go at it alone.

Are you ready to thrive?

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Dr. Christina Wilson decided to launch her business and podcast, Thriving Moms of Autistics, because she knows that moms of young autistic children are overwhelmed, under supported and deserve more allies. Now, well into her own journey with her autistic son, Christina has a real sense of what you’re going through. In this podcast, she helps moms like you tap into your strengths, create a supportive community and set firm boundaries. Experts and parents of autistics will also be interviewed on the show. Dr. Wilson has been in the field of psychology for over 25 years as a clinician, coach, researcher, and educator. Join the conversation and listen to episodes at https://thrivingmomsofautistics.com